/g/ - girl talk

One thing that I've seen is that re-parenting yourself might help you get better from family enmeshment, so I'm sharing this here too

>>280760
this is very helpful.

>>280762
Thank you anon. The moment I found out you can actually treat yourself better than your parents ever did, my mind was blown. My parents were weird, they had their nice moments but also berated me a lot. I definitely needed a more loving and kind type of parenting. Knowing I can actually give myself what they never did without badmouthing myself feels liberating. I thought I would always talk myself down and be neglectful like they did.

I've been interested in re-parenting self-help for a while now, since something about it really resonates with me. My favourite books on the subject are:
>The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori
>Healing Your Aloneness by Margaret Paul and Erika Copich
>Inner Bonding by Margaret Paul
>The Inner Bonding Workbook by Margaret Paul
The last one is more spiritually focused (and I don't really enjoy the writing style), but it takes you step by step through the process, including journal prompts. Very helpful.
For understanding trauma and becoming inspired to choose healing:
>Healing From Trauma by Jasmin Lee Cori
>Losing Your Pounds of Pain by Doreen Virtue
That one is worth reading if you struggle with compulsive eating, or any other self destructive habit like cutting, hair pulling, etc.
For learning to meditate/be mindful:
>Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat Zinn
If anyone knows good meditation books by female authors, please share!
For learning to take loving action on your own behalf:
>The Assertiveness Guide For Women by Julie De Alvarez Hanks
>Healing Your Inner Child and Yourself for Life by Veronica Bond
This one is a very short e-booklet that won't teach you much of anything but comes with concrete suggestions on activities that promote healing.
For those who have been in abusive relationships, including with her own father:
>Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Books I have not personally read but seem worth checking out:
>Homecoming by John Bradshaw
>Affirmations for the Inner Child by Rokelle Lerner (short)
>Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children by Penny Parks
All of these books can be found online on the Z-Library. To find more books on the subject, you can search keywords like "mother wound", "re-parenting", "inner child", "inner bonding", "self-love", and of course "family enmeshment". I encourage you to look for self help literature specific to your situations/conditions as well, for example sexual abuse, PTSD, poverty, narcissism, etc., where possible. I think it's also good to try workbooks, journaling, meditation, yoga, healthy eating. For those of us who need a little extra support, look into therapy, 12 step programs, workshops, intensives, etc. Find what you like and practice what works best for you!
Lastly, the first step in all this is learning to recognise, name, and experience your emotions as they happen. If anyone has good resources on learning to be present in your body specifically to attach labels to emotions, please drop them ITT! It may seem strange but I have found personal success with using resources to teach young children emotional literacy. Like this blogpost for example: https://printableparents.com/teach-your-child-to-name-feelings/ It is simplistic but it helps.
Best wishes to everyone ♥

>>280771
thanks for the resources anon

>>280771
Thanks anon!

For anyone who needs it

This is a very wholesome thread, thank you !

posting this too since it seems relevant

>>281057
also posting these
https://medium.com/invisible-illness/6-signs-you-grew-up-in-an-enmeshed-family-and-how-it-affects-you-5e6f856a29ee
https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2019/05/the-enmeshed-family-system-what-it-is-and-how-to-break-free#The-legacy-of-enmeshment
https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-on-setting-boundaries-in-enmeshed-relationships#whats-next

also this
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/201907/4-ways-release-anger-towards-your-parents#:~:text=The%20causes%20of%20lifelong%20anger,Physical%2C%20mental%2C%20or%20sexual%20abuse
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/anger-at-parents-in-adulthood/

might also be helpful

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

Decenter your mom.

>>280759
Dealing with a coddled manchild sibling favored by mom. Manchild keeps trying to pressure me to go places with him, repeatedly, even if I have a Dr's appointment that Id rather have privacy away from him. I dont want to be trapped anywhere with him. Hes extremely sensitive and loves eavesdropping on other family members.

He guilt trips me and tries to turn mom against me, when mom is my only emotional support. Mom falls for this, accuses me of not liking him. I cant stand being around him, but if I say anything theyll really turn on me and ostracise me. They even watch my facial expressions closely, and give each other that look if I politely try to stand up for my boundaries.

>>419190
If your mother favors your sibling over you she is not going to be a good emotional support. This is basic triangulation, please distance yourself from this toxic environment, it will only keep damaging your self worth.

>>419269

Thank you for your helpful response. Ik but Im so socially stunted that I dont even have friends and cant land a basic job. I feel so stuck. My self worth is nonexistent, esp after my babies (pets) died recently. I have no sources of unconditional love or anyone to trust.

How do I refuse the manchilds guilt trips to go somewhere with him without them turning on me? He keeps doing this once in a while and I cant even sleep, I keep dreading it. Theyll question me, ask me why I dont want to go, why I dont like him..

Another reason why I dont want to be stuck around him is he eavesdrops around, inside the home and outside in the yard cause he hates this elderly woman neighbor for pointing out he doesnt fix the property. Hes almost 40 yet watches her in the dark with binoculars, because hes that butthurt. Mom knows but is ok with this as she also hates that neighbor.

Also he harassed me for years everytime I went to the bathroom he'd all of a sudden have to loudly say he needs in there, despite there being another bathroom. Mom got mad at me. It became so obvious that even she noticed, and said I deserve it since he thinks I dont like him. That really hurt from my own mom and psycho sibling.

>>419287
That sounds really messed up. Get busy doing some project, if you can't get a job try doing something online to earn your own money like youtube videos maybe. Make it look as boring as possible from the outside. Look busy and tired all the time when he can see you. Don't respond emotionally to anything he does. Try to figure out how to make yourself independent and move out. Both need to be cut off probably. I know it's hard but it's doable.

He sounds like a narc so as long as you don't respond emotionally and appear boring he will look for another source to bother. If someone asks you to explain why you dont like him or something (which is ridiculous in of itself) just lie or keep saying you are very busy. When they ask what are you busy with, barrage them with information and word salad so they get overwhelmed and never want to ask again.

But you definitely have to move out.

>>419190
Samefag but you can also try to behave the same way he does towards him. Just overwhelm him with your presence and see if he doesn't get weirded out and back off after that.

>>419290
I appreciate the encouragement. I freelance online but it def isnt enough to live on. I dont think I could stand him enough to overwhelm him to the point it would bother him. I try my best not to respond emotionally, Im almost always polite and try to keep a neutral facial expression, but they still do this.

Thing is, the other day I was organizing and moving stuff, and something of his fell into some paint and cracked the plastic. He hasnt noticed as it was in a bag, and put it in his room. Im dreading when he finds out and accuses me of doing it on purpose, and mom and him gang up on me. If said item were to be hidden away and he couldnt find it, then they still might accuse me of taking it, but would that be better than them finding it in its damaged condition?

>>419295

>something of his fell into some paint and cracked the plastic
I think if it was something expensive you should let him know on your own and say it was an accident and apologize and, if possible, replace it. You have to take responsibility for this and not be pressured by their behavior to hide it imo If you damaged something that belonged to a stranger, you would normally replace it or at least apologize instead of hoping they won't find out.

>>419338
unless there is a threat of physical violence

>>419339
Ill look into finding the same thing and replacing it. Its not expensive either. But he uses that item to creep on women without their knowledge or consent, so replacing it also feels wrong. He has made "jokes" about committing violence against women just because they dared to lightly criticize him, and plays loud songs about hurting/doing worse to women. Hes never actually acted this out tho.

>>419371
>so replacing it also feels wrong.

Remember that you are not responsible for his actions.

>>419287
You're socially stunted because your mother and brother are insane. There's nothing wrong with you as a person, remember that you can grow and thrive even if nobody else in your family can.
Is there anything you can give the scrote to make him leave you alone? Laxatives, sleeping pills, anything like that? You can sneak them into your food and he'll steal it from you, it's less suspicious than you making something for him specifically. You can, and should, do anything possible to get that retard off your back.
I don't know if he has passwords on his computer and phone but it's worth going through his browsing history to see if he has anything on you. He could be hoarding information like your bank information, social security information, copies of your driver's license and passport, so he can get revenge if you ever leave. If you know what he has, you can prepare yourself to deal with it, even if it means wiping the information from his computer just before you vanish. On that note, sweep your room and electronics for bugs.
You're never going to get support from your mom. Try playing shitty little bitchy mind games with her. Call her her mother's name 'by accident'. Ask what her more successful siblings are doing. Wonder if you'll ever get a husband who doesn't abandon you like your dad has, while looking at her and smirking (I assume he's out of the picture from the fact you didn't mention him, if he's around and oblivious ignore this). Give her number to MLM huns. Sign her up for a million retarded spam sites but only ones she's likely to visit herself, so she doesn't think it's suspicious.
You need to do this so your mom has something else to occupy her mind and her time. If you feel bad, think about it this way: would your mom bat an eyelid at your brother doing this to you? No, and she'd join in. Just because they're family doesn't mean you have to be nice to them.
You said in another reply that you freelance online, is there any way you can make your stuff marketable on Tiktok? You get paid for views and it can drum up business, plus you can make a few bucks from affiliate links. It won't be much but it could help. Also look at making wishlists on Throne and Amazon to keep your costs down, you'd be surprised how many people are happy to support creators they like, especially if the stuff you're asking for is on the cheaper side. You can also ask for money on Throne and prepaid cards on Amazon, which helps.
If your brother spends a lot of time online, try to influence his algorithms to show him insane crap that'll keep him occupied and/or make him sick. Meat-only diets, 5 hour long sigma male hypno videos, that sort of shit that moids eat up with a spoon. I feel I should clarify that by 'make him sick' I mean make him unwell enough to stay out of your hair and not kill him or maim him permanently, kek.
Do as much work as possible on your self esteem without them knowing about it. They share a look when you stand up for yourself because they know it messes with you. Keep setting boundaries, they're not going to like you even if you do everything they say. Don't apologize for anything you do even if it's your fault, even if you didn't mean it.
You don't have to lick the boot on your face, nonna. You don't have to do anything nice or fair or normal or proper or ladylike or correct or good to them. Stop relying on people who hate you to give you some self worth. Blow things out of proportion. Shit in your brother's room when he goes in the bathroom that you're using. Piss in his drinks. Make an account for your brother on every dodgy gay dating site you can find. Put his photo on 4chan on a thread about licking toes. Call the police if there's any threat of violence and be completely fucking hysterical, tell them that your brother wants to go on a shooting spree and has binoculars to stalk the neighbors and posts on 4chan hate sites about killing everyone. If your brother keeps photos of random people, tell them that he's been taking photos to plan the shooting. I mean, he's not far off, so you might be saving lives here.

>>419499
Nona this is way too agressive, there is literally no point in wasting time and energy to attack the family. They will absolutely NEVER learn and there may be worse consequences after this. They are static and locked in their roles. The only thing to do is leave. Believe me, been there. Waging war on retards just makes you retarded

>>419499

I guess I should have mentioned this before, but I didnt because I assumed people would find my posts too long as is: There were a lot of times that mom really helped me with difficult times in my life, so thats why its so hard to come to terms with being the scapegoat. Its like a grieving process almost? The manchild is turning her against me, because if hes ever not around, things are usually nice between mom & I.

Honestly I just want to avoid more drama with them. I dont want to cause harm, so I cant try stuff you mentioned. The shitting in his room idea gave me a good laugh tho. Im curious about his computer, but someone is always around so its not like I can look through it. Mom was a battered wife back in the day, thankfully not anymore. Mentally, I think she's stuck constantly being subservient to the manchild as a result, and from how she was raised, so I feel bad for her sometimes. Like before I was born, mom was beaten right after her wedding was over. She walked all the way to her parents for help, only for them to say they spent money on the wedding, so they didnt want her to divorce the wife beater (it wasnt extravagant, but middle class). So she stayed and my manchild sibling and I were born, witnessing loud arguments and sometimes physical abuse against mom (hasnt happened in a long time). I feel like my birth trapped mom, but she says she wanted both a son and a daughter. What kind of message does that send to a woman, back decades ago before places like this, to be told being hurt is worth the money? Things like this bother me too, so I hesitate to counter the scapegoating. Ironically both parents were the scapegoat in their immediate families growing up, so other relatives were always cold or hostile and we avoid them.

The manchild is so exhausting to be around. Even mom had to hide in her room, pretending to sleep, because manchild kept asking her at all hours to make him food or tea. She doesnt want to say no to her good little boy ever, or his fee fees will be hurt - and we cant have that..

Another thing is that the manchild is very conflict avoidant and is more sneaky. Hes not the type to actually commit any crimes, more like the one to rat someone out for petty stuff. He'd rat out people at work for saying "good morning" in the "wrong" tone of voice, saying theyre playing mind games lol. Its so uncomfortable doing anything when someone that sensitive is around. He doesnt take photos of people and is scared of weapons thankfully. But there was a time when even mom worried that he bugged the bathroom or other rooms, but if I asked her about it again, shed probably deny ever saying that. I havent seen signs of any bugs. When I called him a creep about the bathroom harassment, she cried and told me to never say that again about him. Denial I suppose. Who wants to face the fact that their son is like that? The bathroom harassment almost never happened after that, so setting boundaries doesnt always backfire. But I needed to vent about it somewhere to see if anyone else experienced that weirdness.

For now, I will keep working on setting boundaries and trying to have a positive outlook on things.

>>419531
In a situation like this there is literally no point in trying to understand what is going on and why people behave the way they do. You are being damaged and your life is stolen away from you. No one and nothing will give you back this time. Take things at face value, don't try to explain your mother or find reasons for her crippling you for life with her inadequacy. If you look hard enough you will find good things in the worst people. Just because she is sometimes a good mother does not mean she doesn't cause you harm when she indulges your brother who shouldn't even live in the same house. She is failing you as a mother. You have to leave and detach.
Take it from someone who was abused for 30 years. You will not recover the time and what you could have done with it. Don't stall. Don't bend down for your poor mother, she is an adult. If she can't handle her own son and is ganging up on her other child with him why does she deserve you wasting your precious time analyzing and finding excuses for her behavior? Does anyone bend down for you and dish out excuses for your shortcomings? I doubt that.

>>419531
Call your brother your dad's name 'accidentally' when you're talking to your mom. While you're at it hide an unwashed can of tuna in his room and put itching powder in his underwear. It might help, you never know.
Accuse him of having bugs in your room when he starts up again, if he freaks out you know he's done it.
You seriously need to stop looking for reasons why your mom is wonderful actually. To use a really extreme example, Hitler loved dogs, and it doesn't make up for the other stuff he did. Apply the same principle to your mom- she's got great points but when push comes to shove she's not there for you, she's there for her son. You're second fiddle no matter how much you love her. She has many, many problems of her own, and it's not your job to fix them, no matter how much you want to.
You could always slip a note under your neighbor's door saying your brother is stalking her and wants to hurt her. Let her sort it out from there. You can go waddle to your room and snivel just like your brother does when his shit bites him in the ass and accuse your mom of wanting to turn him into your dad so it's all her fault really. Then go pretend it never happened, just like they do. Speaking from experience, those who have this level of cognitive dissonance can't take a fraction of what they dish out- if accusing the turd of bugging the bathrooms made him stop harassing you about it, there's a chance that pointing out other behaviors will also have positive consequences. She's probably terrified of turning her son into his father, and keeping him coddled is her way of loving him into being a better person. Hinting that this is backfiring might scare her into doing something about it.
Stay positive for sure and when you move out don't let anyone know, not even your mom. You know where she lives, you can go talk to her when you're ready.

>>419629
Thanks everyone for the helpful responses. Im stuck dealing with being the scapegoat of the house for a while due to financial reasons. These videos made me think of other hurtful things that happened
> when ~3 years old, I liked this cute garden white hat and wanted to wear it out. Mom mocked me then said no, that I looked like a fucking idiot/asshole, wouldnt let me wear it. She eventually threw it out. The golden male child she favors wears whatever hats to this day, without any such treatment.
> when sorting old family photos, Mom laughed and said my brother got mad and trashed my crib before/when I first came home from the hospital after being born. Why? Because he wanted a brother, not a sister! That was my "welcome" into this world, from my own brother. I feel like I shouldve never been born. I asked about this years later, only to have her deny ever saying this.
> everytime I wanted to join a club or have a (rare) friend over, Mom told me to quit and didnt allow friends over because the house wasnt ready. Of course the golden male child was always allowed to have his friends over at the drop of a hat.
> moid classmates sometimes physically bullied me, also grew up with DV which eventually stopped, but I developed a fear of being attacked if I go outside, esp alone, so Im a neet. Im also socially awkward/anxious
> everytime I applied for a job, Mom discouraged me, saying focus on school instead, telling me "it'll ruin your life", "you dont want to deal with rude people". I applied anyways and was unsuccessful. I eventually gave up and now I have no work experience, no job references, and I still dont know what I want to do in life. Completely isolated and dependent. I feel broken.

Other stuff
> when Im doing yard work, the manchild drops everything hes doing and stands there facing me, watching. Sometimes if mom is there, hell order mom to go make food, and she drops everything and does that right away, talking for a long time with him. Other times, hell tell us that we look embarassing doing yard work at night, what will the neighbors think?, and we should go inside. Mom obeys and goes inside, even if I dont.
> when its just mom & I talking and it seems like a pleasant conversation, manchild walks in everytime, and asks her to make tea/food. She does so right away, and manchild glares at me on his way out of the room.
> mom threw branch cutters about 2 feet away from my face, said "it wasnt that close", acted like Im making a big deal about this
> when I was carrying a box of stuff, I had to walk by the manchilds car to get to where I was going. Mom was walking ahead of me, turned around, and gave me a death glare. Why? She doesnt want his car wrecked if I touch it with the box, as if I cant be trusted like Im a stranger or something. The manchild literally parked in the way, in front of the stairs, "so birds dont crap on the car". So the manchilds objects are more valuable than me, I guess..Sometimes he parks in a way that blocks our vehicle from being able to leave/blocks us in.
> my pets died sort of recently, and we were extremely close, so the losses were/are very difficult for me. On manchilds birthday, out of the blue, he asked me to take pictures of him holding his dog. Manchild never takes selfies, always got angry/annoyed if his picture had to be taken. I feel like this was done out of sadism. It felt cruel. Like it would be an act of humiliation, rubbing in my losses. I said no. Surprisingly mom didnt turn on me for saying no to the golden male child, and volunteered to do so instead.
> relative was going on a business trip several hours away, asked manchild to drive him due to health reasons. Manchild refused and laughed as if "the nerve?!". Mom said to the relative that she fears the relative would abandon him there, then asked if I could drive the relative instead. Wow, thanks mom!

>>420069
Your brother sounds retarded and evil

I feel like my family is dysfunctional, but not in an overly dramatic way. There's nothing really horrible about them, but I can't tolerate being around them anymore. My life feels so peaceful away from family. I want to move to a different state and never see them again if I'm honest.

Hate to keep posting but..

The manchild just told mom again that he thinks I dont like him, even tho Im polite. This is like more than 10 times over the past few years now. Im sick of being put on the spot/made out to be a bad person. Am I not allowed to have peace of mind?

Should I confront the manchild, and ask him why he keeps telling mom he thinks I dont like him (like I give af anymore), why he keeps making me out to be a bad person? But he'll just tell mommy, and theyll probably get angry that I dared question him. He'll probably either lie or downplay things, too.

He still keeps trying to invite himself to drive me places. I dont want to be stuck in the vehicle with him. If I refuse, then its confirmed in his & moms minds that Im a bad person for not liking manchild.

Also the item that accidentally broke is still (to my knowledge) undiscovered in a bag. Manchild moved it in his room, and its out of stock so I cant replace it rn. I dread when he opens the bag and discovers the damage, then theyll really ramp up the scapegoating. He'll also notice if its gone from his room and accuse me of stealing it, if its hidden amongst the crap he hoards in every single room in the house. Idk what to do.

>>420077
Dysfunctional as in a narcissist/scapegoat/gaslighting way? Regardless, listen to your gut instinct. Moving away if possible is usually a good idea.

Im stuck due to financial reasons living with my dysfunctional family as the black sheep, and they wont stop fucking with me in ways could be worse but still unbearable. Im pretty sure they caused me really bad digestive/other health issues that can arise from stress. I dream of being able to leave, be somewhere where I can let my guard down, and do my own thing. Thats my long term goal.

If you can, move and leave them behind.

>>420085
> bad digestive/other health issues that can arise from stress
oh yes the relief from constant stomach aches after distancing yourself from toxic family is incredible..

I left my parents house for a two month internship and what surprised me was how intimidating and mean my Dad was at home, and out of the house that presence is completely gone. He's a massive alcoholic so being at home is like a roulette wheel of not knowing if things are going to be tolerable (annoying music/politics/police scanner blasting) or a total shitshow (getting verbally harassed, spat on, locked out etc). I was so scared that on the day I left he was going to flip out or go after me. Currently he doesn't talk to me at all vs my mom calling a couple times a week, even when I stopped at their house on two occasions he didn't acknowledge me there at all. I was trying to get another apartment for when I have to return in a couple weeks because despite the cost it feels so much better to have my own space

>>420078
You are NEVER EVER EVER going to win by doing what they want. Please try to understand this. Be a fucking massive cunt. Threaten to call your dad and see what he thinks of manchild. When they call your bluff, do it, no matter how much you hate it. The second they hear the dialling they're going to freak the fuck out. Point out local criminals on TV and ask your mom if she'd go for him since he looks like her type. Offer to make her accounts on dating sites and explain you'll only get unwashed men her son's age who constantly demand attention, since that's who she likes to fuck. Your brother's too chickenshit to do anything except run his flabby mouth, what the fuck are he and your mom going to do about it? Cry at you? Stare at you? Accuse you of being a meanie? I know you have no confidence but fucking hell, either live on the street or stand your ground. Your mom is doing everything to keep you stuck and miserable like she is. Your brother barely counts as human. He knows you're a doormat and he's wiping his feet on you. Throw a rock at his car! Refuse to pay for the damage! Call the police and say your brother's put cameras in your room and the bathroom and wants to murder the old lady next door! Do something, nonna! You deserve more than this, there's nothing you can do to make them like you, you might as well unleash your frustration on the bloated carcass causing it.

>>420526
ntayrt, this advice goes way too far. What happens if her worthless moid brother decides to escalate to physical violence? Unless anon somehow has like 6 inches of height and/or 30 more pounds than him, she's at a disadvantage, especially considering the mother. Do you think their mother would do anything but cry and maybe beg her little precious baby boy to be a little nicer, if he decides he has full reason to beat her? Do you think her mother would protect her at all? If anon somehow gets the moid sent to jail, what's stopping her mother from paying her son's bail and threatening to make her homeless if she won't get the charges dropped, etc etc? I think there are reasonable concerns and fears involved that anon already considered in what to do and what not to do.

I agree that anon should emotionally detach from them both and build up the financial means to get out asap. >>420078 Hopefully you have a friend or two you can lean on for support during this time. I think you could stop engaging with your mother and trying to make the time you spend meaningful via conversations. She has made herself a lost cause, at least for now. I hope you can move out soon, maybe split the cost of rent with a few roommates etc, crash on a friend's couch for a few weeks etc. What an awful situation anon, I'm sorry you're going through it.

>>420526
Stop giving this shitty advice. You don't know the entirety of the situation and keep advising to escalate when they already have negative attitude towards that anon. I don't think you've ever been in this kind of situation to write things like that. Even if he doesn't become violent have you considered that behaving in this aggressive manner may cause them to put her in a mental health hospital where she could be falsely diagnosed with psychosis for example? Sure, her mother isn't putting her brother there but obviously has a completely different set of rules for dealing with her.

The only thing to do is to become independent and leave or find another way to leave.

>>420532
Youre right. I have weighed the pros/cons of various approaches, and aggression could lead to putting myself at risk for an even worse situation. As a child, standing up for myself (not aggressively) resulted in threats like having my door taken away, a nightmare for social anxiety introverts like me. Mom was like, "the hinges can come off easy, just need to unscrew them". When I told dad, this resulted in dad nicely asking mom about it. Then when he left, mom cornered me and shouted at me, taking my things and wouldnt talk to me or make food for a few days.

I have no friends or acquaintances. I am completely alone and isolated in a small gossipy town full of my old bullies, and everyone knows everyone (both parents are the blacksheep of their families, so people we barely know can act rude/weird). Im fully dependent for food, shelter, going out, etc. I can drive but Im afraid of accidents.

From what Ive seen/heard, moids who beat women pretty much get away with it a lot of times. The general attitude is "well, what did you do to provoke it?" even from thep lice. Not only that but if hypothetically the manchild beat me, which hasnt happened, but if it did, mom would more probably be on his side, and act like Im going to disgrace her precious little boy's reputation by reporting it. They both often hate on women or make misogynistic comments. The last night of my precious babyfur's cuddle session with me before she happened to die the next day, mom told me about a local moid who beat his gf with a hammer. Mom said, "well, men dont act like that without a reason…" So despite being a victim of DV herself, she fully supports it, from what I can tell.

So if I was beaten by the golden manchild, it would be 2 vs 1 like usual, and I might not even be believed reporting it, the moid might get away with it. Back when the moid used to work, he'd vent to mommy for hours everyday about the meanies at work, despite it being about things like people laughing too much in a way that annoyed him. He's said he feels like he could explode, which mom seemed proud of, since she thinks it means he'll stand up for himself/that he's a "real man" or some BS.
^
THIS SAME MOID keeps staring me down like Im prey when he leave the room or when Im making lunch in the kitchen or gardening etc. This moid keeps trying to pressure me to go places with him, even though he knows I dont want to because of his mental instability. He frames it as him being a nice guy. If I go, him and mom will team up against me while Im stuck in the car with them, if I refuse, the same will happen but at home because "his mean sister doesnt like him :(" BS.

I literally try to avoid manchild by rotating my sleeping schedule to have some peace outside my room, but now he's following me that way too. I wake up at 5am, he does the same, same with 12pm or any time of day/night. He constantly walks around, up/down stairs, in/out every room, going inside/out so if I try to garden I wont get any peace there either. And sure enough, when I use the bathroom, he has to, too!

Its hard to become independent and move out, partly because Im afraid of going out alone. Im afraid Ill get attacked, stalked, abducted, etc. Ive had close encounters despite minding my own business, so I dont go out unless someone else is going with me to decrease the chances of that happening. Growing up, Ive witnessed DV, and had moids in school physically bullying me. So much for the stereotype that an older brother would protect me HAH, he stayed friends with one of them!

If I did get a steady job, how do I maintain a decent sleeping schedule in this place? Moid and mom stay up laughing loud and making noise (I use a fan to block this but it gets way too cold to sleep), moving/banging furniture against the wall making a random jumpscare boom sound, making smelly food or using paint with fumes etc at all hours of the night (Idk how to block this, even an open window or air filter sometimes doesnt work). This happened back in elementary school too, but off and on to this day, despite me telling them repeatedly. Yet when manchild worked (he's now home 24/7) and was sleeping for work the next day, mom would angrily tell me to not open/close drawers too loudly, not use icecubes because they move in the glass when walking which makes noise that wakes manchild, etc. So thats why I went the online freelance route, but thats not bringing in enough money to live off of. I have no idea what I want to do for a career.

Im not charismatic enough for youtube/tiktok. I guess I should try learning computer programming? Idek if Im smart enough. Or something else I can do online at any time of day/night. No not onlyfans haha.

>>420611
Start practicing magick

>>420611
Holy shit, I'm so sorry those losers have practically dedicated their entire life to playing mindgames with you. That's straight up emotional terrorism. I hope your brothers gets bedbound soon somehow.

Is there a national domestic violence hotline in your country? Or any mental health/help hotline?Hopefully your family doesn't trace your calls and you can get some resources specifically relevant to your situation, or maybe get advice for how to get out that other people succeeded with. Maybe you can check out jobs like DataAnnotation - it's where people rate AI code for how helpful it is. I don't do it but my friend does and she says it's alright and actually pays out. IIRC you can pick and choose assignments too so hopefully you can plug what the AI writes into Chatgpt, ask it to rate it, and write back what it says (reworded a bit to lose the AI flavor).

Another thing. Just because I was showering getting ready for an appointment and mom needed to use the bathroom, even though there's another one that she wont use because of whatever reason, mom literally threw out my plant out the window because I didnt get out soon enough. The plant in question was something that reminded me of my beloved furbabies. After my pets died sort of recently, it took everything I had to start to garden again. So that really hurt. Meanwhile, when manchild got her an outdoor decoration, she noticed there were pieces of the paint coming off (honestly I didnt cause that), and she accused me of doing it. She'll falsely accuse me of anything at any moment. I was just trying to get coffee ffs.


>>420624
Not only can they view the call history, they would hear me speaking anyways. You can hear everything, walking due to creaking, using the bathroom, neighbors talking, etc.

Id rather not go the DV route as it would be my word vs theirs, as theres nothing directly obvious or provable like physical abuse. Mental health lines have a bad rep of hiring just anybody including predators, and venting here has been helpful so far. If anything they should get mental help lol

Id rather try to get out of this situation more than anything. Ill look into data annotation. Do you know of any specific legit websites for this or similar types of online work? Thanks for the suggestion.

>>420639
DataAnnotation is the name of the company!! But on second thought I'm sure there's other companies that do the same thing and offer remote freelance work/pay.
I hope more remote freelance opportunities open up for you, hopefully something new pops up every time you search with those generic keywords. Mayyybe ChatGPT can also find/suggest other options you have? I used it to find certain events/venues for a local trip a while back, I think it's worth a try.
Much love to you nona, stay strong and don't give up hope!

>>420656
Oh my bad, haha. Ill have a looksee and search around. Hopefully things get better. I truly appreciate everyones validation and help here. Much love to you too, nona!

>>420611
In terms of actual jobs, look into proofreading, transcription, captioning, customer service chats, and definitely data annotation.
And you seriously need to do tiktok, there's no need to show your face or do retarded dances. In your situation it's honestly better if your don't show anything that could identify you.
Instagram is shit for small creators, but with Tiktok you have a real chance of going viral regardless of how many followers you have, and you get paid for views.
You don't need a whole setup to start, you can literally just film 2 or 3 second clips from different angles of you working on something, and finish the video with a shot of the finished product. If you write, look at retarded booktok videos and make a ton of equally retarded videos like that. Put some shitty zoomer music on top and post it. Repeat daily until you have an audience. You can do anything- doodles, tarot, writing, anything, and you'll get views.
I'm shilling this because it's something you can do in minutes and still make passive income from. I know someone who did daily tiktoks of her breakfast and is a literal nobody and still made enough money to pay off her car.
And while you're at it, WORK ON YOUR CONFIDENCE. It sounds like you live in a pretty rough area, but scrotes always gravitate towards women who give off timid or frightened vibes, if you look confident or normal you scare off a lot of potential kidnappers and rapists. Not all of them, but still. Confidence can be faked, work on your posture, making eye contact, looking neutral instead of scared, being friendly instead of apprehensive. Obviously don't act like this around your poltergeist, practice it in a mirror in your room with the door locked.
I believe in you. When you leave, you'll finally be able to breathe.

>>421010
>you get paid for views
As long as you are in the right country to do it, not all countries can have their content monetized unfortunately.

>>421010
Those are some good ideas, thanks nona.

Surprisingly, my confidence is better than it used to be, but its far from perfect. I feel less worried in social situations than before, but Im still awkward and dont know what to say sometimes. I try to have a neutral facial expression too.

But there was one time these 2 guys were following mom and I throughout the store, and even tho I stared directly at them when they walked by, they still tried to corner me when my guard was down (stupid to let my guard down, I know). Mom was standing there watching, didnt say anything, but said she was going to ram the cart into them if they laid a hand on me. She doesnt think they would be able to conduct a kidnapping in a public place, and sometimes denied they had bad intentions. Its as though she thinks men are innocent no matter what. Anyway, these guys then acted all chit chatty with the staff and left, and from what I could tell, must have had some charisma or appeal to make the clerk laugh. It felt like if I said anything to the store staff, they wouldnt believe me. I know, I still shouldve said something. It was so scary to walk in the parking lot after that, feeling like they might jump us or something.

And I notice that I tense up various muscles at home when the manchild is around, since I have to walk on eggshells basically. So I should still work on my body language.

>>421283
>And I notice that I tense up various muscles at home when the manchild is around, since I have to walk on eggshells basically. So I should still work on my body language.

You probably have a dysregulated nervous system. You can start doing breathwork - longer sessions are generally better if you're under constant stress and I would recommend starting with ones over 30 minutes long for a while; after that, shorter ones will also work but your body needs to learn first how to relax. While it may look like a solution to stress or anxiety you may be having at the moment but actually, by doing it regularly when you are feeling comparatively normal you will teach your body how to deal better during stressful situations. That's why I would recommend doing it as often as possible for a while. Doing it in the morning is very beneficial for the rest of the day, makes it easier to think clearly and generally creates distance from whatever is happening around you.

Another thing I recommend in recovery is weight lifting (don't be afraid of heavier weights) and yoga. These will help you build confidence, awareness and make you feel better in your body thus improve your body language. And you will just feel better overall, stronger and more fit.

>>421435

Hmm I never wouldve considered breathwork and its impact on the nervous system.

Its been a while since I routinely worked out due to health issues that have since improved, but I definitely could use some more strength and general physical fitness. I appreciate your insightful suggestions nona.

>>420611
I live with an old scrote who acts like this. I've been dealing with what you deal with for 20 years now. He's not family and my mother got with him back then for financial reasons but he has done nothing but abuse her and I even when I was only 6 years old. He has beat us before and physically harmed us and the police do not care because he's white. Moids do not care. The harshest punishment he's gotten was a night in jail. Whooptie doo.

I know the little mindgames you are talking about. No one else understands but I do. I deal with it everyday especially those bathroom mindgames. It doesn't stop. I seriously wonder what kind of mental illness your manchild moid and my manchild moid have because it is truly something undiscovered. And if you talk about it with anyone, they don't understand or think you're being paranoid. My mother is also a piece of shit. She's stolen $20,000 from me. I am trapped just like you. It's fucking miserable and suffocating how this man and my mother who failed me have stolen my time. I'm almost 30 years old and have nothing to show for it because of the abuse. Never allowed to do anything at all and what I worked for was stolen by my own mother.

The old scrote I deal with is always angry and constantly seeks fights with the neighbors if he isn't harassing us. The whole neighborhood hates us as a result even though they know he abuses us. His entire personality is playing mindgames. Copying what we do, being a hypocrote, overly controlling, bathroom mindgames, locks on doors mindgames, and remembering to play these games every single day. Boy lots of stuff I can list but it's just so much and neverending. He doesn't want us to talk to people and always complained when my mother used to go out with her friends. Because of him, now she has none. He would follow her and her friends while GPS tracking her car and show up to events she would go to just to fight with her in public. It's constant and affects every little thing in the house and he never stops doing it. He constantly gets off on thinking about us all day and obsessing over what his next move is to torture us emotionally and psychologically.

This shit needs to be illegal. We are NOT allowed to watch television and haven't had access to it since around 2007. He cut off our internet access 11 years ago and I just got it back this year because you're not allowed to have two lines in your home but phone providers are starting to provide routers now which allows extra internet access. Literally such a fucking life saver for abused women since everything is done online now. God do I know what you're going through. All the wasted time and no friends, no family, no hobbies, no skills and none of it is due to me as a person. It's all stolen away by some old boomer scrote. Like I was tossed into a different reality and my life went straight to a hellish nightmare after my mother got with him. I will never get my life back.

>>421484
You can still build a good life for yourself, don't give up

Theramintrees has great content about dealing with abusers and narcissists

>>420078
you probably know this but sounds like your mom is an emotionally incestuous boymom and your brother wants to attack you. please look into domestic abuse shelters. document what your family does to you if you can. destroying your possessions like the plant is disturbing. i think dv shelters should have online messaging options so you don't have to call (situations like yours won't be uncommon). they might also be able to help with employment issues. i don't think you actually have to legally accuse them of abuse or violence to get help.

>>421484
the UK made coercive control illegal recently, it'll take years or decades but the way he treats you should be considered a crime.

>>421484
You should report your mother to the police for stealing your money asap. If you have a source of income is there a reason why you can't move out?

Well, it finally happened. My brother sent a message to my parents that he and his family will be going no contact with them. They were really upset. My dad was going on about how much he did for him, and how he's made a huge mistake and then was asking me if I'm going to leave them too. It made me feel a bit guilty because I've also had thoughts about moving far away and disappearing, not because my family has done anything horrible to me or anything, I just sometimes feel like I need to be alone. I'm not sure if I'm included in my brother's no contact deal. I already wasn't seeing much of him because his wife is disrespectful to me and I didn't want to be around her. Is it bad to say I didn't feel bad about it? People change. What can you do.

>>421484
Wtf this is fucked up, dude, you need to get out of that environment asap. Get to a goddamn women's shelter or something, even for just a night. There are stories like this that share a lot of the same earmarks, ESPECIALLY with the "no tv, no internet" thing. That's a sign of someone wanting to control how much you know of the outside world. That's beyond fucked up, anon, you need to get help.

>>421553
It's a shitty thing to do but technically it was legal for her to steal my money so there is nothing I can do. This happened years ago when I was fresh in the working world so she shared a joint bank account with me and had all the money go there. Her name and my name were both on that account so she could do whatever she wanted to with the money I was earning. Never thought she would steal my money and the only reason I found out was because a coworker suggested that she may have been stealing it. Sure enough, the money was all gone and I found out my mother gave it to some conman scrote she was fucking who promised he could make her more money if she gave him all of mine. Yes, she is literally one of those retards. The only way this could have been prevented is if I had been born to a normal, caring family instead of dipshit trailer trash-tier losers.

>>421643
There is nothing we can do. His name is on the house and so is my mother's so nobody can force each other to sell. Moral of the story anons, never own a joint account with anyone. Make sure its completely in one person's name so that someone can just walk away. He definitely won't sell because he enjoys the control and my mother is the only one forced to pay for home repairs and she's the only one who cleans up after him since he won't clean up after himself and he makes some seriously big messes like a toddler.
I have never heard of any other victims of abuse having no tv or internet except for literal captive victims who were kidnapped. They are the only type of victims I can relate to and there are many, many similarities. Like, I haven't met anyone who could relate to my story. Which, he did admit to moving us from nearby a big city to a completely rural area to keep us away from our family. It worked because nobody wants to drive hours away to some shithole. Moving to a rural area has been a gigantic life change and problem since I've been here. There aren't many options for…well…anything. He got us good. His goal all this time was to use her to pay for half the house. He's so narcissistic and delusional he thinks that she is going to die before him despite him being 20 years older than my mother. He calls her a renter even though they both literally own the house together. This man is truly evil. You guys don't even know half the shit I've seen. I mean we are not even allowed to turn the air down one degree less than he allows or he will keep going down there and hover over the thermometer and stand there for hours while fighting with us. It's purely a control thing and nothing else. The cops always defend him for some reason, I assume it's because he is a white man. He has even bashed the windows in a violent rage with a hammer in front of my three year old niece. I feel so unsafe living with him and sometimes I think he's going to snap one day and kill us. Me and my mother always say nobody cares until you're dead.

He's also a porn addicted coomer and I think he's been creeping on me since I was a child. When I turned 20, he randomly told me how he likes 20 year olds (he's over 70 now). A couple years ago, he told me he likes to watch beastiality porn with dogs. One time we came home and he was dumb enough to blast porn out loud. A few weeks ago, I almost passed out in the shower from the heat and stress and I unfortunately had to go to him so he could monitor me (I literally couldn't see and was on the brink of going unconscious) and he pretended to care about me just so he could look at my naked body while I sat on the floor trying not to go unconscious. As I was almost passing out, he also asked if I masturbated in the shower because that's what happens to him. I felt so terrible and weak, knowing he was just thinking about sexual things about me while I was on the verge of blacking out.

I am also convinced he is literally a pedophile but I don't think my mother believes this even though the signs are there. One time when I was 8 years old, I turned around randomly to see him standing outside of my room in the hallway with a camera. He was sneaking pictures of me and I accidentally caught him! I remember feeling ashamed like I did something wrong and I have no idea how long he's been doing that or why he was doing it. I didn't think about it for years but now I can only think of one reason why a man would be sneakily snapping pictures of a little girl that isn't his child. I also discovered the other day that he had selfies on his computer of me that I took on a camera when I was 11 and trying on makeup. I thought he had those selfie pictures all these years to show my mother but my mother said she doesn't know what I'm talking about and he's never shown these pictures to me. Creepy! I don't even want to know what he did with those pictures.

Sorry for incoherently ranting but I figure you guys might enjoy the drama anyway and this is no where near the entire extent of what we have to put up with. Regardless, my mother and I are stuck and my life has been utterly meaningless so now I get to be a suicidal loser for the rest of my life at the hands of someone else. The amount of anxiety I have from C-PTSD is incredible.

>>420611
Don't have advice on the family stuff sorry but cleaning is good money and always in demand. You can work for someone else and then branch out on your own once you have enough experience and a loyal clientele. It's also pretty chill, you can pop on some music while you work or listen to podcasts. If you're lucky you can get a work car to use. It isn't online but it's how I made it out of my shitty family home and I strongly recommend it.

>>421648
if this man is that old he'll die eventually nonny. maybe you can help speed it up by encouraging him to smoke or eat like shit.

>>421652
Nayrt but I wouldn't count on that and it's just wasting nonas time. Shitbags like that sometimes live very long despite having very unhealthy lifestyles. She needs to leave that shithole and never look back.

>>421512
I guess I should be documenting these things. Certain things are so emotionally painful that I just want to forget them the next day, but obv that isnt happening. Im fearful theyll find my documentation. It would have to be digital, even then Im paranoid theyd find it, even with a password.

Once when I was a child, like 10 years old, the manchild found my diary where I shared vulnerable feelings, nothing about him. He took it out of my room behind my back, laughed about it like crazy with my mom. Then when I walked in the kitchen and realized what was going on, I was so upset I cried so much, snot was running out of my nose. Then he mocked me, pointing and laughing at me for that too. Of course mom was like, ew gross! and shaming me for it. That was a schoolnight so I couldnt sleep well. And that day I was bullied really badly at school. Ive since learned he used to get shoved into lockers and bullied other ways, so at least theres some justice.

Yes it has occurred to me that theyre emotionally incestuous. Nothing sexual has happened but theres been a few weird comments. Like mom saying the manchild is the man of the house, or how he has a thick neck so she doesnt know why women are snobs to him and dont want to be with him. Or when I was talking about finding a potential bf or husband, she often said how I need a man like the manchild sibling, and acted negatively to my "ew, thats my brother, Im not into incest" reaction. She has said she wants me and the manchild sibling to live together or have each other to rely on when dad & her are no longer alive. I cant let that happen, to be that isolated and reliant on him. Hes going to expect me to do everything she does, cooking cleaning etc at all hours, plus the emotional labor of hearing him constantly whining about the most smallest things. I have to somehow be more independent so I can avoid that or homelessness. It might not end up like that, tho. The other day he felt a pain in his chest, and he does eat a lot of junk food but not as much as he used to.

>>421484
>>421648
Woah Im sorry to hear that youve been put through all that. While there are some similarities, certain things that you described are way worse than my experiences, as Ive never been attacked by family (just classmate moids) and never stolen from as far as I know. Yes hes definitely a pdophile scumbag. If you can, try to collect evidence that he stored said pictures. Like for example, if you have a phone, record a video of scrolling through his stored files. Just some way to have proof that he collected pictures of you. If possible, you could then delete them, but hell notice and chimp out possibly. Idk. If youre savvy with computers, you could have remote access or do other things with his device, but only if he never realizes.

Im glad you have internet now. I too have felt thankful that it exists, for women like us who need ways to discuss things like this. What if you record him, and put his abuse online, even audio only, esp his chimp outs? But youd have to make sure he never finds out. If he thinks your mom will die first, do you think hes planning on mrdering her? That way hed be able to trap you more and abuse you more with no witnesses? You probably already know this, but please try to keep your niece away from him when possible.

Cutting off access to the outside world via banning the internet or tv is something they do in cults. Extremely abusive and like all other forms of abuse, try to collect evidence on it that no one else can find so they dont destroy it. If you ever decide or need to bring said evidence to anyone, even a DV shelter or lawyer, youll have it in case. If not then its there as a reminder of what you survived and hopefully get away from one day.

I too was wondering if the bathroom harassment was used by other moids, if theres a name for that or if its commonly seen in a specific personality disorder. Thats partly what inspired me to post my experiences, so that others would say if they had that happen to them. So while its bad that its happening to others, theres a feeling of validation and relief to know that others know what its like to have some relentless mentally ill moid to deal with, day in and day out. The personality disorder and psychotic "reasoning" of the moid, and mental effects on the victims should be studied. Like I still question if I should do xyz-showering-related-thing this day or do it tomorrow, because the manchild might "need in there" immediately, and I might not have time or regret doing something that takes longer than just doing the basics.

Personally the moid Im dealing with doesnt go and start fights with people. Hes very timid and ashamed to embarrass himself and his precious reputation of being above violence lol. He only ever yells back at me at home, if I do it first out of being stressed out by him. If anything he gets sullen and quiet and slams things, and turns people against me behind my back. Very controlling like the moid youre dealing with, but not as extreme. For example, just because mom & I were out for more than 2 hours the other day, when we got back, he said "Finally, I was wondering when youd both be back. It was getting ridiculous". His eyes looked so angry and dark in a way, but he does that randomly when talking with me. Its a very unnerving feeling. Even when we were out, mom was starting to worry and feel guilty that she wasnt making his dinner lol. She told me to text him. Like he has his own transportation and theres food at home that hed have to gasp heat or cook for himself. Hes almost 40 FFS.

Its easy to say this and I certainly dont always feel positive but please try to train your thoughts away from feeling suicidal. You dont deserve what happened, what is happening, and you dont deserve an early death. You have value, unlike that POS moid who will probably die soon since hes older. I think what it comes down to is that we cant let these moids break us completely. Moids love when they break a woman, then remold her how they want her to be. Imagine the frustration of the moids were dealing with, knowing that despite all their sick minded planning on how to mess with us, all the time and energy they spent obsessing over us, that they still were unable to break our spirits? Wouldnt that be a victory, in a way? Maybe our lives can be a testament to the will to stay unbroken, despite countless moid mind games and abuse? To inspire other women? Easy to say, I know, and not trying to minimize the struggle it is to face this abuse, but just food for thought.

>>421650
Cleaning is something Ive considered, but Im scared to go in a strangers house like that. Might sound silly, but I fear some moid(s) could ambush me or do anything to me.

Nonas in these stressful environments I really recommend daily breathwork just to downregulate the nervous system and have peace of mind if only for a moment. These practices helped me with hardcore c-ptsd symptoms and withdrawals from my addiction which was caused by family abuse. I know there is a moid in the video but he has the best ones on youtube imo and I'm having trouble finding the ones I did that had female narrators.

This channel is a very good resource with weekly uploads for trauma survivors

>>421648
Also wanted to add
That must have been so terrifying, relying on a sick pervy moid when you were that vulnerable. I cant even imagine how horrifying of an experience that must have been.

He is the one who should feel ashamed of taking creepy pictures of when you were a child, not you. What a sick bastard.

He sounds like such a pervvy coomer that he would develop a fetish for just about anything, even offing himself, like if his computers algorithm introduced him to it. Hope a dog bites his cock off and he dies from it, same for all bestiality freaks.

One thing that our problem moids have in common is that they have a lot of anger and turned the neighbors against us, even when its only them thats the problem. While yours is more openly hostile, mine is the type that lets the anger bubble up inside over decades, and is two faced. The manchild sibling ignored the neighbors greeting in the first place, then whines when they dare to not look at him, as if hes entitled to their attention. Theyre both obsessed. The manchild sibling looks at the neighbors bedroom window with binoculars, and he knew she doesnt feel comfortable around him FOR SOME REASON, so he deliberately went up to her and said hi and relished in her uncomfortable reaction and greeting. The other neighbor, he wished he could throw a brick at or send things that would upset her to her retirement home that she just moved to, to torment her. Why? All because they correctly pointed out, to his face and to other neighbors, that our property is neglected, which he should fix. His ego was hurt that badly by the truth. Rather than fixing it, hed rather constantly fixate on if theyre at home or not, and if he can feel safe (lol) if he works on his car or whatever and they might say more things to him that hurt his fee fees. Him and mom hate that there are so many women neighbors, because apparently its a worse offense if its a woman speaking her mind and offending his feelings, rather than a moid doing moid things.

>>421679
Thanks nona, youre awesome and so is every woman here. Ill check the videos out.

>>421648
>I feel so unsafe living with him and sometimes I think he's going to snap one day and kill us
THEN GET OUT OF THERE FOR FUCKS SAKE, STOP WRITING ON THE INTERNET ABOUT UNSAFE YOU FEEL AND GET. OUT.

>>421721
Calm down, autismo.

>>421721
are you the same sperg who's been camping the thread and using other anons' struggles as an excuse to lash out and write fanfiction about the edgelords they should turn into? if so, your deeply narrow understanding of the world could be improved by sitting with the discomfort of your own emotions and seeing what subconscious forces drive you into such a frenzy. you know you're unwell, now is a good time to work on that

>>421669
Cleaning office buildings and hotel housekeeping are also options, you may not necessarily need to clean private homes although it’s the best money.

>>421648
What is preventing you from leaving?

>>421669
You have a car, right? You can live in it if you're unexpectedly made homeless. It's not a plan you should rely on but if it does get to a point where you're seriously considering suicide you can drive away to some distant location and sleep in your car while you sort your shit out. Check your phone and car for trackers and bugs frequently, the last thing you want is to drive out to the middle of nowhere and wake up with two retards hammering at the windows.
You could look into cleaning offices and factories when you move out. I wouldn't risk getting a job that involves leaving the house at this stage, they'll do everything possible to get you fired or make your work life hell.
>>421648
There's actually quite a bit you can do. Look up domestic abuse charities in your area and see if they have anything to help victims of coercion and financial abuse. You can get help to set up another bank account, you can see if you're eligible to stay at a shelter or one of their safe houses, you can work on learning to detach yourself from his mindgames so they don't affect you as much, you can even report him to the police for the pedo shit and who knows, maybe they'll do something about it. The cops don't tend to turn up and politely inquire if the man of the house has kiddie porn on his PC, they seize that shit. You'll need to pretend it wasn't you who called them, or be out of the house by then, but if you want consequences for him, that's the way to go.
Your situation is far from unique and there are ways to escape, but you really have to stop thinking that all is lost. You're not going to get anywhere if you accept this as your fate. I get that you grew up with a narcissist pedophile as a parent and it fucked you up big time, anyone would be fucked up from that, but at some point you need to take action to save yourself from a future nobody deserves. Repeating 'nothing I can do' like a mantra only goes so far, it's not your fault that your past self was forced to accept this or that your mom stole from you because misery loves company, but you've got the internet at your disposal now, and you can learn how to escape. Btw, if the scrote cut off your internet, it's because he's desperate to keep you in the dark. He knows damn well that there are ways to leave his web of retarded mind games, and he's terrified of losing control of you and your mom.

>>421910
The car isnt mine, I dont have one. Not that I could get one or an apartment or a lot of things without a credit history, which I just learned not long ago. If I ever did just leave, they might phone in a missing person report, which is what happened when the manchild was a teen and went out to meet with friends but hasnt happened since.

Do you know if cleaning or other jobs that were recommended itt require references? I dont have any.

>>422147
if you're an adult you can call the cops ahead of time that you're leaving of your own free will

>>421683
>>421669

Okay so just an update.

Mom and manchild have been getting more distant and snubbing me more. Manchild is still always, ALWAYS talking or sitting around or walking in/out, so when I leave my room, I must pretend everything is fine and talk when he speaks. While Im trying to emotionally detach, its not easy as Im isolated so theyre just about I have irl. Pathetic ik.

When I was showering, I heard mom walk by (you can hear everything in this place), so she knows I was in there. All of a sudden the water turns super hot, scalding, due to laundry, so she did it on purpose, I think. Other times she told me she waits to do the laundry when manchild is in the shower for that reason.

Stupidly, I couldnt take it anymore and talked to mom about this. I was so wrecked up ugly crying and shaking what I was holding. She got mad at me! She raised her voice and started swearing, saying, "Fine! I wont fucking wash anything while youre in there!", "You think I would do that?", "FFS theres always something wrong!", "You hate us (her & manchild), I can feel it!". She threatened to not take the dog to the vet this week for its appointment, if "youre (me) going to be like this!" I told her to not punish our pet for this. She said she just said that cause she was mad, and that we are bringing the dog to the vet. Then she cried and said me and manchild are all she has, so she would never do such a thing (scalding) deliberately to me.

Stupidly I told her I was really depressed due to grief, and she asked if I should go to a psychologist. So now theyll probably make me out to be crazy, when really, they could use some therapy themselves. I said Id rather work on getting a career. Later on she apologized for her behavior and denied scalding on purpose.

Later that evening after dinner, not really late, they were both sleeping. I really, really wanted to leave. Ive never gone on a walk or out by myself in so long, due to agoraphobia and not being in the safest area.

If I went out via the front door, theyd hear it and panic thinking theres a break in. So I tried opening the creaky gate just enough to walk out, as quietly as I could. As I was walking, I saw manchilds curtain open a bit. He either saw me or it was the wind. Then a few steps later, this big spotlight went on me. I panicked and thought, theyll just close the gate and freak out on me when I get back. How would I get back in if the gate is closed? So I turned around went back and closed the gate like a coward. Im just so afraid of the backlash I assume theyd give me. I cant take the car, which isnt mine, as theyd hear it and its behind the gate anyway.

Today the manchild noticed the gate wasnt closed the exact way he does it. They didnt know who opened it, and assumed it was a stranger. Mom said to put trip wire and more cameras. Manchild put windchimes on the gate, so that if anyone opens it, hell grab some big sledge hammer or something and investigate. I eventually told them I was going to garden in the front, so I was the one who opened the gate, but they still have the windchimes on there. When mom left the room and I was just getting food, manchild checked the camera screens (in the same room), then looked right at me and left, but I didnt look at the POS. It still feels kinda like intimidation.

So I feel stupid like I just made things worse for myself. Or its just revealing how trapped I really am.

Nonnas, dont be like me. Establish a career and value getting independence like I should have a long time ago.

MIL said her and husband are going to retire next year but they'll be 2k in the hole every month. Tell your husband he can't retire at 65 because we wont be able to afford kids if we're coughing up 2k post tax, the audacity, for you every month.

>>424059
Ideally, try to get a job (waitress or cashier), take a small credit to pay for a secondhand car or to rent a small place for a month so you can touch your first payroll or go to a female (domestic abuse) shelter. Run girl, you only have one life.

I was doing pretty good at having my own boundaries and understanding how to deal with my family dynamics. My moms mental illness, coldness, stubborness and dependency among other things. But one of my older sisters would always go back and forth from reaching out every year or so, to dissapearing completely again and going through some terrible isolation with bad jobs. She'd shower me with compliments for a night, then, radio silence for weeks or more usually months. but I wouldnt see her for years even.
We were always pit against eachother because of my moms illness, so I figured she wanted to mend things maybe and we would all try and pitch in and heal. I felt like I was making progress getting closer to her, opened up a lot with eachother, I was trying to boost her self esteem, combating the self deprecation and taking her out when she'd agree, nudging her away from dangerous situations, self destructive thinking and mistreatment from moids.
But we were helping our mom out with a difficult part of her life, and something seemed to overflow? She became so vicious to me, I figured she was stressed so I rolled with it. But it got bad so quickly when she was visiting me, started intensly saying kind of bizzare accusations about me and she started saying vicious, unkind and angry things. She then kept trying to fight me and when I resisted she got angry and kept trying to knock me over. Im sturdy so I was fine and didnt need to fight back and just braced when she'd swing, but it was disturbing so I bluff warned her Id get legal intervention if she didnt stop attacking and destroying my things, and this is what crossed her line. Still not sure if I was weird for that. She cut me off not too long after and has disappeared since. Im worried about her and unsure if I should try and find her.
Anyone have something similar happen?

Anyone's social skills just busted because of their parents? Growing up I was never allowed to have friends. I'd talk to people at school obviously but my mother never let me go out with anyone after school or bring any friends home. I never even had a birthday party with friends, they would always just be me and my parents and maybeeee an aunt. She didn't even like hearing about my schoolfriends and called them horrible things like "bitches" and "assholes" even though they never did anything wrong. She always acted like they were going to lead me down a path of drugs and partying even though they were nerds who spent their time reading Harry Potter and watching anime. I don't think any of my friends ever even got a detention in school.
I obviously wasn't allowed to date either, but that didn't stop my mother from being suspicious I was even though I went to an all girls school and never left the house except for school unless she was with me. Once she saw an exercise book that I'd doodled hearts on and went off because that was a sign in her mind that I liked a boy, and she kept interrogating me about who the boy was even though I didn't know any boys.
I find it very hard to make friendships as an adult, and relationships are out of the question as long as I live with her. Unfortunately we have a housing crisis and as inconvenient as it is, I think I'm better off being lonely for a few more years while I save up instead of spending 1k that I can't afford to live in a shoebox with three strangers. My mother isn't against me dating now and even tells me she hopes I find someone, but I just can't bring someone home to my parent's craziness, and I think it would be pretty hard to date if I could never even have them over at my place.

>>444574
Late but holey fuck are you me? Your first paragraph is 100% my parents except my father was a genuine paranoid schizo to add with it. Apart from that they'd try and nitpick all my friends because of their biased negative standards for me. Basically if I was friends with A, they'd be like "A is a terrible person! Why don't you hang out with B? They're good!" but if I hung out with B, their mentality would shift and call B terrible and ask me why I wasn't hanging out with A.

>>421758
Probably homelessness.

>>421910
>your situation is far from unique
Ah yes, the common event of someone prevented from even taking a shit in peace. Get a grip on reality and stop watching true crime. All of your know-it-all advice is also useless. This is a victim in a very kidnapped cultlike situation. Most people in these situations get murdered by the scrote. There's a reason everyone is shocked by this story and others like it. Something to this degree and all the odds falling out of her favor isn't common at all.

>>448691
Its me, the nona in the cultlike situation. Just happened to have the tab open among many, saw your reply. Thank you for reading any or all of those long posts, and for validating what I was thinking in the back of my mind for a while, then second guessing my thoughts as wrong.

Since my last post, I finally got the courage to ask a financial place for a credit card so I can build a credit score. Its not a scam either. This will sound dumb but until very recently, I didnt know that having no credit score meant no way of ever getting my own apartment (extremely high cost of living in my country besides..), and a car, and my own phone (the very old phone I use is under a relatives name, cant change this without a credit check). I was never taught anything about finances, surprise surprise. So still no place of my own, no car, no phone of my own, but its a start.

Youre right, homelessness is a big thing that stops me from just leaving. Homeless women get trafficked, raped, etc. Its getting more dangerous where I live, with random moidery and arson attacks. Have no passport either, the application is being stalled by the moid sibling, long story.

Another update is that someone scared the moid sibling by putting something that looks like rock salt(?) (or he thinks its glass), and building materials like nails near his vehicle. It was cold and there is construction nearby, but its automatically assumed to be malicious. The moid and boymom were hostile and furious upon finding it, threatening "whoever did it", even though nothing happened and no one was hurt. It was so silent for a few days in our home, you could hear a pin drop. I was terrified they would take it out on me, but thankfully things turned out ok so far. I was asked if it was me who did it, I said no and grey rocked to the best of my ability. The moid sibling all of a sudden repaired the fence since he obv didnt care about our safety before, only his vehicles safety. He insisted it was NOT the moidlet neighbor who already broke our window. Now theres a camera in the yard, and only the moid sibling has the footage in his room. Now, cant even walk outside or garden in peace without walking by and getting on his camera. Oddly, since the absolutely horrific discovery, the moid sibling and boymom have been nicer and backed off the bathroom harassment, for now. He also stopped inviting himself when I actually do go out, to drive us..for now. I dread him randomly bringing up the topic and accusing me, so as usual, as best as I can, I try to avoid him but its not always possible.

Am dreading Christmas, but thank God for Lolcow, as its been helping me immensely get through this. One reason I dread it is that the moid sibling will probably take the opportunity to get more gifts for his pet that look like body parts of my deceased pets. Imagine walking in a room and then having to take a moment and realize, that no, my beloved deceased pet is not whp Im looking at, its just the pet toy. Its left in random places each time, exact same color as my deceased pets too, as an object for his pet to "hunt". The moid sibling did that last year. Only months after losing my best friends within a short span of time of each other. The pet toy gradually became hidden, as it got peed on by his pet so I put it out of sight. Part of me feels like its wrong, as his pet is missing out on playing - his pet hooked the moid siblings nose once and pulled on it, and is very loving to me. Dont know if I should further hide the pet toy (might get in trouble or accused), or wait for others to find it and basically torment me with it more.

The moid sibling is weirdly sexist toward our other female pet. Like he projects female rejection from high school onto her, saying she HAS to cuddle with his pet, and makes her out to be awful. He does this voice as if its her speaking, being a snob and demeaning himself (poor him!), just because she doesnt like to be around him. Gee I wonder why? I once said sorry to her, as I moved quickly and scared her, and the moid sibling pretended to be her with that voice he does and said, "you will be." (which I remember he said to me in seriousness as a child once). Another time, he asked if she could be a model. Ick.

Today I learned that the moid sibling watches some cartoon "comedy" show that routinely features the daughter character getting bashed with a bat (I saw someone mention this, I dont watch it). He didnt mention that part, just mind numbingly low IQ "jokes", but thats something disturbing.

Wonder what specific psychological issues the moid sibling has going on, if there have been any similar case studies…