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No. 205674

Ask for advice on any topic!

Previous thread: >>>/g/176526

No. 205675

I graduated high school and turned eighteen some months ago. We don't have a lot of money and many benefits no longer apply to our household now that I am a legal adult. I have a lot of mental health and general health problems that I am trying to heal from partially through improving my diet. However, this is rather costly, as I avoid processed and cheap foods like cookies, pasta, supermarket meat, and so forth. Unfortunately my mother is very unhappy with me turning eighteen and cannot afford to pay for food for the both of us. I manage to eat along with her a little bit sometimes but the foods she prepares make me sick (health problems) and often don't suffice to properly fill me. I am trying to get a job so I can buy my own food and fix my diet. It has been very difficult in general. Not only because I do not have enough money to eat well, but also because I struggle with appetite and bingeing and purging in general. I have very little energy and feel unwell easily. This makes it difficult for me to undertake the things I want, for instance for university. I struggle just reading books and doing things because I am very hungry and weak. Aside from that, not eating exacerbates my mental health problems. But a lot of foods my body simply cannot take anymore since I have been improving my diet as well. It is a bit confusing and complex but overall I just feel lost. I have university deadlines I have to meet (applications) but for the time being I think I simply need to focus on making money so I can buy food. I just feel so lost and alone and as if nobody understands me. Doctors only recommend medicine or talk therapy and although the latter might help, it will not solve my physical issues. Medicine does not solve them either, it only addresses symptoms. I feel very lonely and am not sure of what to do. Maybe I am missing something? What would you advise me?

No. 205697

>>205675
My advice would be to try to locate or access a free counsellor
/helpline/etc to help with your mental health. If you live in a country with some level of free healthcare there will have to be something, though the wait will be long. Once you enter university you’ll have access to free or cheap mental health services. I am speaking as a Canadian so not sure where you are from and how it is there. You might be able to find someone to text or talk to online via some sort of mental health hotline.
What do you eat on a daily basis? And are you at a healthy weight? It is absolutely possible to eat cheap and healthy - rice, beans, frozen seafood, frozen veggies, etc

No. 205736

I don't have insurance, but being admitted to a psych hospital is probably the only thing that might help me now. Would that be completely stupid of me? Is it even worth it or should I just kms at this point?

No. 205737

>>205675

Therapy. You make it sound as if you only binge and purge the food you can't eat. Is that the case?

No. 205753

>>205675
What kind of health problems? Can you eat something cheap and basic like the other anon suggested? Also unless you're schizo I refuse to believe nothing can help you. You are not beyond saving nona. Apply to unis (ask for help if you need to) because being a student will give you a lot of benefits. From healthcare to food it's your best choice.

No. 205757

I have so many friends outside of university but can’t make any in my classes. So I sit alone, don’t talk to anyone, and feel ignored in group meetings because nobody listens to my input. In any classes that drew a weirder crowd I made friends in an instant but now that I’m doing an Economics major nobody seems to be like me. I dress “vintage trendy” and like how I look but am seriously considering just wearing contacts, foundation, straightening my hair and buying more fast fashion clothes to see if that will help me fit in more. (All the girls in my classes dress the same and I’m the only one who has curly hair or glasses…)

No. 205761

>>205736
Depends on what you intend to gain from the hospitalisation.
Psych hospitals are good for
>putting your life on momentary hold
>documenting (legally) that there is something wrong with you
>removing yourself from a dangerous environment… but they WILL make you go back

Psych hospitals also
>forcefully medicate you. Psychiatric drugs are generally harmful, especially to women, and you won't have any way to do your own research, much less a choice in taking them
>isolate and imprison you. If you stay longer than a week and don't go outside, you'll be more insane than when you arrived
>expose you to dangerous people and scary situations. Lots of people in there are legitimately crazy and may hurt you. You may witness violence and harassment against others. You are especially at risk if you end up in a mixed sex ward— and you will have no control over the decision to house you with violent males
>constantly monitor you. Good for security purposes, painful for the paranoid schizophrenic.
>overcharge you. A 72 hour hold costs thousands of dollars
>make you wish you never came

I once made the mistake of institutionalising myself because I thought maybe the doctors would help me. I was in the best hospital in the state! Yet they did nothing for me. My condition actively deteriorated under their care and I would rather die than go back to ANY mental institution.

No. 205762

>>205757
Girl, get it together. The money and time you'd spend on makeup, hair styling, and clothes are obviously better used furthering your education. You said yourself that you have lots of friends already, so it's not like you need these cookie cutter Econ girls to fill a void in your life. I understand that being ignored in class is difficult. It hurts and it can impede your work. But losing an hour every day straightening your hair and doing your makeup will be even more detrimental to your studies. Not to mention how horrible you'll feel moulding yourself into someone you're not just to get a crumb of attention from people who won't matter at the end of the semester. You're studying economics aren't you? Cost-benefit analysis!

No. 205769

>>205757
When you go on to work in different places you'll find that this just happens nearly everywhere. Not everyone will like you and you shouldn't obsess over it or change your style to somehow make them like you. Sometimes it has nothing to do with appearances and its hard to describe why you just don't mesh with a certain person.

You have friends already, you're doing fine in that regard. Work on worrying less about everyone liking you. There will always be people who just don't take to you. Don't overthink it.

No. 205789

>>205757
You're not going to make friends in every situation you find yourself in and that's okay. Why force yourself to become friends with people you obviously don't have a rapport with?

I made a few good friends in university but only 1 of them I actually met in my classes. The rest came from societies and living with other people.

No. 205802

>>205762
>>205769
>>205789
Thanks nonnies, guess I needed to hear this.

No. 205872

>>205675
If you're in the US, you now are eligible for EBT. Apply for it and go to the store yourself so you know the food is good for you.

No. 205873

>>205736
Yore probably eligible for Medicaid. Apply right now if you have energy, but know that you can apply retroactively while in the hospital if you have to. Medical debts are also not really enforceable.

No. 205882

crosspost but anons, wtf am I gonna do with myself. me and one of my friends have a sort of kind of history and have mutually acknowledged having feelings for each other before. but we both have boyfriends now and it makes me physically ill to think about her in a relationship with this guy. I have no right to feel this way either, I have one too. It's an annoying situation but I'm thinking about it way too much. help

No. 205900

>>205761

Thank you for answering. People seem to have mixed experiences, but most say it helped them to fix their lives when they felt it was out of control. It helps to hear from people who willingly admit themselves too.

No. 205921

Am I a weird prude for thinking it's gross that everyone is so casual about sex and is posting nudes around and looking at random nudes and sharing porn and that every discord server seems to have nsfw channels that everyone is using? I joined a whole lot of discord servers to make friends but they all have nsfw channels and basically everyone is in there and I find it gross even though apparently it's the norm.

No. 205923

>>205921
You're not weird. The hypersexual nature of internet culture is backwards and disgusting. Don't even get me started on pornography. It's literal brainrot. You don't have to accept nor conform to these values, and if you're not getting anything out of those servers I suggest you look for community elsewhere.

No. 205979

>>205921
I'm the same, had a female friend once and she was always talking about sex, porn, etc, one day I just stopped answering her messages because I just couldn't take it anymore. It's not that I'm prude, I'm just not interested in what things people put in their holes or seeing them naked or how big his dick is and I'm happy that I won't find naked pictures of me somewhere on the internet, because guess what, there aren't any. Like anon before me said, look somewhere else, some people out there just feel the same as you do.

No. 205983

>>205979
>>205923
You have any suggestions for better servers or communities? I was in the lolcow server already but I didn't really fit in there either tbh.

No. 205986

How do I speed up my shower routine and still double cleanse and use shampoo/conditioner in 5-10 min max? My parents turn off the warm water after that time and ice cold water makes my body feel painful and tingly and just flat out uncomfortable. And there's no sink in the bathroom. Oh and my very oily hair doesn't like cowashing or washing it less often..

No. 205988

>>205986
That sounds nearly impossible. Can you bargain with them? Maybe promise to shut the water off while you lather up and only use it to rinse. Otherwise, pre-planning. Use wash cloths, as many as necessary, and have them all covered in soap before you even turn on the shower. That should save you at least one minute.

No. 205992

>>205986
You should probably get some dry shampoo, you can use it outside of the shower and it works well for oily hair. This is probably kind of obvious, but as your condition your hair do your double cleansing as it's conditioning it. I agree with the other anon in negotiating with your parents, that sounds like a very unreasonable time frame to shower (especially if you have longer hair).

No. 205993

How do I deal with my sister bumping into me because she's angry with me? She just pretends nothing's there when we happen to meet in the narrow doorframes, hallways and on the stairs and keeps on walking. She goes pretty far with it too, sometimes it hurts and she doesn't step out of the way if I have hot coffee or my laptop or something like that with me either. I've tried both bumping back and quickly jumping out of the way, pressing my back against the wall, but that often still ends up with me getting bumped into anyway and it made no difference either way. This has been going on for, literal, months. I swear we're both adults. Unfortunately I'm forced to live at home with my parents again because of an extreme shortage of housing crisis in my country, so moving out won't be an option for god knows how long.

No. 205997

>>205993
Your sister honestly sounds very immature and weird. If she's still doing it even after you've repeatedly moved out of the way, she's probably doing it on purpose. Have you tried asking her what her deal is? Does she not like you, is she just being an autist and doing it because "it's funny", maybe she's just trying to annoy you in a sibling way? Either way, you should directly confront her (preferably before she does it again and when you're both alone together) and ask her to stop doing this stupid shit.

No. 205998

>>205993
tell ur mom

No. 206002

>>205993
Tell your sister to stop and fuck off. Your sister sounds so childish. This is the behavior of a 5 year old, not a supposed adult. If she doesn't stop, loudly call her out whenever she does it, especially if your parents are in earshot. If she's going to act like a child, then she deserves to be scolded like one also.

No. 206007

>>205993
I would go the "quiet" route, like write her a note that if she needs to tell you something she can and that you both have to live there and that it's just horrible to be treated like that. After all you both want to live in peace and there must be something that is going on in her mind that she is behaving like an immature child.

No. 206008

>>205993
Have you tried telling her to stop and that she's an idiot?

No. 206073

Nonnies I need immediate help, i'm a degenerate fuck (always use protection but apparently that might not help with herpes?) but I'm seriously concerned I have it, basically I have red acne like spots on the top inner part of my thigh/butt?? I shave daily and I did stupidly use an oldish razor to shave my lady area, what realistically are the chances that it's folliculitis rather than HSV? The spots don't look like typical herpes clusters but I'm sure it doesn't always present like that? Please help me out ladies!! (inb4 go to the clinic dummy because I am on Monday.

No. 206085

>>206073
i dont think its herpes its razorburn, i feel like if it was hpv there would be blisters with green pus coming out, this is what i feel though ive never seen hpv

No. 206100

>>206073
sounds like folliculitis to me! happened to me once when I shaved without shaving cream and just with jojoba oil (don't ask kek). it looked like my skin was diseased

No. 206204

What are some ways to become more photogenic? What are tips for good pictures? Especially posing with regards to composition

No. 206211

>>206204
You can find a lot about this on the internet. Not to be catty but other sources will probably be able to explain it better + add examples than anons here.

No. 206244

>>206204
Check out Sorelle Amore's videos on youtube, she is an instagramer and has videos on how to take good selfies

No. 206263

>>206211
Sometimes the amount of information available is overwhelming, so then I appreciate recommendations like this >>206244, as it steers me in a certain direction

No. 206373

I'm sad and nervous about the thought of moving in with my boyfriend and leaving my mom alone.

We've been dating for about a year and he lives about 4 hours away. My mom is a bit paranoid and the only family nearby is my selfish POS brother who i can't trust to be there for her and who i frankly despise.

I feel so shitty about this and know I'm going to have to choose between having a relationship or staying with my mom and making sure she is ok

No. 206383

>>206373
You can't find a place together nearer your mom?

No. 206384

>>206383
He just started a good job where he is and HIS family is there. I haven't brought it up to him yet, but maybe I should

No. 206388

>>206384
Why do his needs and family supersede yours?
>choose between having a relationship or staying with my mom and making sure she is ok
If they're halfway decent choose family over men, always.

No. 206390

>>206388
Thank you for this. It is true and very useful advice

No. 206480

>>205882
You sick lesbian bitch. How are you getting cock and pussy on the side. It makes me sick knowing lower beings like you walk this planet.

No. 206490

File: 1632219251561.jpeg (25.32 KB, 452x678, melty.jpeg)

Lately I've come to the realization that I'm fairly ugly, not deformed but extremely unappealing. I have a very fleshy, pouchy face with small features. Think moon face but flabby with fat. My only hope is if I become underweight my face can shrink and I have ok bone structure underneath. Current BMI 24. I'm in my 30s so makeup and contouring doesn't help anymore. Surgery is an option but threadlifts are often botched and look horrible. Full face lift is extreme for my age and I don't want to look like I'm in a wind tunnel by my 60s.
Should I get strict on a diet and try to improve my face or just give up and lean into saggy old lady mode? I'm sad to give up because I grew up poor and never got to enjoy youthful cuteness, and by the time I had money to glow up I started to age like this. On the other hand losing a lot of weight will make my average body ugly with loose skin. I don't want to be a surgery addict or anachan but I can barely look at myself in the mirror now and I know it'll only get worse.

No. 206491

>>206490
Does it really matter? what do you believe you will get out of any of that besides make others see you as less "ugly"?

No. 206492

>>206491
Better advancement in my career, easier to find love, have a wider choice of sex partners, have the self esteem to go after opportunities that involve people looking at me, being able to stand my reflection, being able to enjoy taking photos with loved ones instead of anticipating the pain of how awful I'll look. People in general being nicer to me and wanting to help me.
I'm not trying to be a Stacey but being a pleasant looking 7 would really help me with my goals and general quality of life. Right now I'm a 2 and I only get opportunities by catfishing up to a 5 or 6. I do wonder how much of this is low self esteem or body dysmorphia, but it can't be all of it because I'm genuinely phenotypically inferior to most women my age.

No. 206498

>>206490
>On the other hand losing a lot of weight will make my average body ugly with loose skin.
Anon-chan you can avoid this by lifting and getting lean muscle. Your whole thing reeks of "Ive tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas" but you have a lot of options. I know even the ugliest of trolls can become marginally better with a new hairstyle, clothes, even the way they carry themselves. I have a face that looks like a Japanese horror creature but I make it work. Confidence is sexy

No. 206510

>>206490
I'm underweight with that same type of face so idk if weight loss would work

No. 206512

How do you all deal with living in a world where so many moids are happy to do horrible, violent crimes to women, children and pets? I was reading the news and I just saw so many distressing cases today. I've experienced a lot of bad shit in my personal life too and today it just feels like too much to handle. There are just too many psycho fuckers out there. How do you all cope? Except for "don't watch the news".

No. 206517

>>206512
I cope by unapologetically hating men and prioritising the women in my life. In general I just don't care about men at all, don't think about them, and when i'm forced to interact I remind myself that they are not worthy of my time or energy. It's all about priorities.

Are you feeling guilty or just generally in despair? Maybe volunteer work or donating or any kind of feminist political action would help you feel better.

No. 206518

>>206517
Despair and worry about my own and other women's safety. I've experienced male violence before and violent crime is escalating in my country because of testerical middle-eastern immigrant moids, aside from various deranged native moids we already have. I feel depressed and pessimistic about the future.

No. 206536

>>206490
it will work i went from bmi 24 to 19.5 and my face slimmed, i have a big head naturally but my bones stand out more now my cheekbones are visible and my jaw is a bit more defined, people noticed it before i did, on the downside my nose looks bigger now but whatever i'm trying to aim for 18 and i'll try lympathic massages to make my face look more refined not anachan 18 is healthy bmi either way dont be too hard on yourself selena gomez and that girl from modern family have giant moonfaces but they're considered beautiful, i developed this insecurity very recently so i think most people dont notice or pay attention to that and women can definitely pull it off whereas guys cant, also fleshy faces look more youthful so even if you slim your face you might not like it cause it might age you a bit

No. 206543

>>206512
>Except for "don't watch the news".
Why not? You need to unplug. It's like asking how to make the pain stop when you refuse to quit stabbing yourself. Constantly reading about male crime and violence is just going to make you feel miserable, and for what? Presumably you well understand that you shouldn't blindly trust men at this point. You've learned what you needed to. Now live your life. Hating men and constantly fearing for your safety are just going to turn you into a neurotic mess. Sure take basic precautions, but then consume happier media. Engage with your work or hobbies. Help a fellow woman. Go outdoors. Have a brief encounter with a male checkout person and realize it's possible to coexist with men without needing to feel panicked 24/7. I've been where you are before so I get it, but you've developed a depressive victim mindset and you're the only person with the capability to change what you think about and what you prioritize in life.

No. 206562

File: 1632272586911.jpg (68.25 KB, 720x831, Thesinglelife.jpg)

How do I stop feeling envious over seeing happy couples?

A few days ago I heard my friend spoke about how great his online gf is for caring about him, he was even telling his family about her too. I am happy for him but I came back to the same realization that I only have a lot of guy friends as well as guys in general who are just sexually attracted to me and they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me.

I tried to focus on other things like work, hobbies and family but everytime I see a happy couple I just feel envious and think I'd never experience being loved for being me.

I'm only in my early 20s

No. 206563

this is extremely stupid but how do i get over the shame/embarrassment of liking certain characters? i know the solution should be "just find other fans of that character" but many of them are..very questionable (basically "aces", aidens, and that sort) and part of the reason why i'm ashamed in the first place, the other reason is a few of those characters are regarded as not well-made

No. 206569

>>206563
I honestly think that you should just be unapologetically yourself, don’t feel bad if someone sees your phone background and screeches
>YOUR’E WAIFU IS SHIT
Because, so what? So what if your favorite character is considered shit? So what if the story has plot holes, nothing will ever be perfect and your likes shouldn’t be questioned by any retard that crosses your path.
The things you like makes you happy, they’re not harming you, they’re not harming anybody and that’s all that matters.
And if someone ever screeches such things as
>YUR WAIFU IS SHITE
Just proudly screech back
>NO U

No. 206570

File: 1632282106558.jpg (67.6 KB, 625x625, 4830924732067520.jpg)

>>206562
>how great his online gf is
Online relationships are not real relationships for one, waste of time and I guarantee you that will fizzle out eventually. That pic gives me hives from both perspectives. I'm single and I am alone, who cares. I don't even have or want pets. Being alone is not this terrible tragedy, it's freedom. I don't have to put my desires, goals or health on the back burner for someone else. Believe me, I did that a lot in relationships. Many women do. When I was in relationships they looked wonderful from the outside and yes we did fun stuff sometimes, but in fact my exes were porn addicts, abusers, racists, narcs and liars. You never know what the reality of a "happy relationship" is, and when many inevitably fail leaving people middle-aged and raising kids by themselves, you realize how much time they lost which could've been spent building themselves up instead.

>I just feel envious and think I'd never experience being loved for being me

It's you nona. You have to love yourself for being you. Stop waiting to have your worth validated by someone else. Media pushes this idea that romantic love is priority #1 and there's "someone out there for everyone" but in reality a lot of people just settle and suffer for it. If you do encounter a truly happy relationship, know that is rare and something few people experience. No matter how great they are. Look at women like FKA Twiggs, Eartha Kitt, Charlize Theron, Lucy Liu, Hayden Panettiere, Rihanna, Marilyn Monroe. A lot of people were jealous of relationships they had at some time or another. These female celebs are talented, smart, beautiful, earning cash, and they were all cheated on, divorced, abused, discarded. Or have simply chosen to remain single because no one has proven a good enough partner. Does that mean they are/were just unloveable? No. A lot of men are fucking deficient is what's the problem. Doesn't mean they should be spending every minute thinking their lives are meaningless and unfulfilled. You have to be obsessed with your own growth and happiness, and if someone comes along who can complement that, that's the cherry on top. Not the main course.

It's okay to feel jealous of relationships sometimes. Grass is always greener. Just know many people in relationships are envious of single life more than they'd admit. It sounds like you're doing all right in terms of actions, but you need to fix your thoughts as well. Get really into yourself so you don't feel romance is a necessity for fulfillment. When that happens, the interests and hobbies you have will take on more meaning and importance in your life rather than just feeling like you're going through the motions. If you need direction to get started CBT workbooks are a good option, to deeply recognize your positive qualities and find out what motivates you. Also read books about/by strong people, especially women, who have done amazing things for inspiration. Start expanding your world away from the focus on romance.

No. 206582

>>206570
I also think online relationship is a waste of time, especially when my friend rushed into this relationship 2 weeks after his ex broke up with him. I do sometimes think of the negatives about people rushing through the steps of being in a relationship but I can't tell if i'm being negative over jealousy or being realistic from things I've seen. I do love being single as it gives me time to work on my career, work on myself and hopefully travel but when i see friends post nothing about them with their partners doing stuff it kinda annoys me.

I do love myself and I know my own worth, I just hate how others see me as a sex object or exotic. It makes me want to get a breast reduction, wear baggy pants and cut my hair. But I love my body and my hair, I love being able to express myself through the clothes I wear.

Maybe you are right, I'm letting myself think that in society you're truely beatuiful and loved if you have someone who is willing to stick around with you. I need to book some therapy sessions and find some CBT workbooks too. While I was questioning my worth the other day I ended up drawing my feelings and it ignited an old passion I have for drawing. I've been so busy with work and people wanting to see me but now I want to make time to draw. Actually now that i think about it I'm way too busy to be worrying about relationships.

Thank you anon for the advice, I will keep an eye out on some books to read.

No. 206583

>>206570
she looks kind of like venti

No. 206585

>>206543
The thing is that I don't specifically aim to look at atrocious news stories online, but sometimes when I just look at the headlines and scroll through social media there are so many horrific stories and it makes me fucking depressed.
I don't have a problem interacting with men in my daily life.
But the sheer awfulness of men of the world gets too much sometimes you know?
The internet info overload is indeed a problem. But I also want to keep updated and not avoid social media. It's tricky.

No. 206586

>>206585
Honestly I'd advise you to quit social media entirely. Shit is a cesspool. But if you're intent on using it, use the content filtration systems to weed out all the terrible news stories. I'm the manhating anon who replied before, though >>206543 has some good points about victim mentality. You can counter that with deliberate actions of self empowerment. I think the best way to heal your despair and worry is to work hard at bettering the lives of women in your community. If you're worried they're going to be hurt then damn, somebody's got to protect them. Become that protector. As the saying goes, be the change you want to see in the world.

No. 206589

>>206586
I think you're right sis. Less social media. I'll have to ponder what sorts of helpful actions I could do instead.

No. 206615

>>206543
this is phenomenal advice. super levelheaded and thoughtful. ntayrt but thank you for such a good take anon!

No. 206619

File: 1632344734584.jpg (42.76 KB, 1141x640, caaa4a52989eae608918e388efcc92…)

anons I am so tired, my roommate keeps burdening me with all her emotional drama and I don't know how to politely tell her to stop dumping it on me. she literally knocked on my door to tell me that she had a big cry and I was just in no mood to ask her about it because every day there's always some sort of friendship drama going on, or she wants to trauma dump on me, etc. I'm tired of it - I'm not invested enough in our friendship or stable enough to be here emotional crutch but I don't want to seem like a dick about it. what can I do besides move out?

No. 206623

>>206619
maybe something along the lines of "uwu it negatively affects my mental health and triggers me"? apparently this is something people are doing to be flakes in friendships and tell their friends looking for support by saying not to trauma dump.

No. 206630

>>206619
ohh anon i was in the exact same boat as you with a roommate in college who basically did the exact same thing as you described. i think the only thing that truly fixed it was when i moved out. i don't really know if there's anything you can do to stop her from using you as an emotional crutch, but i think it's okay to be honest if you really aren't feeling it in the moment. like saying "sorry if i'm not talking a lot right now, i'm just really tired". obviously you can't say that every time unless you really want to make it clear that you don't want to listen to her anymore, but when i was too emotionally burnt out to listen i would be honest with her about how i was feeling stressed/emotionally exhausted without necessarily saying that she was the cause of it lol. also i don't usually do this with friends, but i would try to problem-solve a lot with her and offer solutions and that would sometimes resolve the conversation quickly. idk i think that this probably isn't the best way to deal with the situation, but it's what i did at least. good luck nonnie, i know how stressful that can be.

No. 206645

File: 1632367027240.png (2.53 MB, 1920x1080, 05631747-B4EA-4FFE-8231-A26013…)

has anyone ever gotten a jelly pedicure before and if so, did you like it? i want to get my first pedicure this weekend but i’m overwhelmed with options but the jelly one seems fun or maybe i’m just draw to it because it’s weird.
if they suck or you’re someone that gets a lot of pedis — what do you recommend as far as the best type of one to get?

No. 206754

I don't know where to post this. sorry if it's too heavy or retarded.

I don't know what's wrong with me. psychiatrists and therapists have been no help, meds have been no help. nowadays my mind keeps coming back to something my mom asked me when I was young, "were you ever molested?" she couldn't understand why I was suddenly acting the way I was. I went from pretty normal to being absolutely neurotic, I started cutting myself, I started hating my body (specifically my breasts), I was so sad and angry all the time, I started hating being female and wishing I were a boy, then wishing I were "nothing" because I felt so inhuman, like a monster. just pure hate and disgust towards myself. I don't have a memory of anything like that happening (aside from being creeped on by internet pedos but I don't think that counts, nothing major that I can remember ever came of it) but the more I look into signs and symptoms of it, the more it… seems fitting. even the more shameful signs that I wouldn't dare admit to anyone, not even to a therapist. me being so neurotic really started when I was 12 maybe. since then I've had some bad experiences because I am easily manipulated and coerced into things. I've only gotten "crazier" because of it. but I can't pinpoint an original cause. is my brain just fucked up? I'm in a good relationship with a nice person now and I feel crazy, because I feel bored, like I'm craving something intense and damaging to happen. because I don't feel like I deserve good things, it feels wrong. I don't feel human. I don't feel okay. I'm rambling and I'm sorry. I know this doesn't flow well. I don't even know what I'm really asking here. I just need advice, any kind words, words of wisdom. I don't know what to do to be happy. I want so desperately to be happy and normal. I feel so lost

No. 206763

>>206754
I know it doesn't help but, you're not alone in this, I'm the exact same way… I've even been asked the same question your mom asked you by basically every single therapist, it's such a disturbing thought to have. Once it's in your mind, it never leaves you. Like, what if something did happen, and I just forgot? But trying to think about it too hard can create false memories too…
I keep going to therapists and psychiatrists because I feel like a walking corpse, they go "you're depressed, take these pills and do x y and z" I do as told and feel better for maybe a couple of months, then start to feel this unbearable boredom and ruin my own life for literally no reason. I recently lost both my job and my flat because of this.
I hope you can feel better soon anon. Rooting for you.

No. 206789

>>206754
i always tell people they need to get to the root of their issues and identify the material causes of their self hatred. in your case maybe that's not so easy, especially if you're looking for a Big Traumatic Event. a lot of the time it's a ton of little things adding up. for example my downward spiral began at age 9 because i couldn't handle the stress of precocious puberty, racial tensions at school, my parents fighting, my brother picking on me, economic recession, and on and on and on… basically even if the onset of your insanity was sudden, that doesn't mean there was no gradual buildup.

for practical advice, i'd try to go over everything that happened to you in your childhood. write out your memories, good and bad, including how you felt in the moment and how you feel about it now. write letters to your past self. write letters from your past self to your current self. and when you feel that itch to ruin your life, pause for a moment and consider what you were doing or thinking about moments before that may have triggered the urge. keep a record of it and look for patterns.

it's possible you might be autistic. i definitely am, though i only learned it recently, and the discovery answered a lot of nagging questions. the biggest one was "why am i so broken even though nothing 'bad' happened to me?" turns out i was just born this way, into a world that isn't built to accommodate me and my fellow tards. i'd definitely look into the signs and symptoms of female asperger's, if only to rule it out.

one book i like is The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori. it has a lot of interesting literature on building self esteem as an adult. even if you feel you have a great relationship with your mom, i suggest you check it out. it's really helped me a lot in learning how to talk to myself in my head. there are also exercises you and your partner can do together to help you heal.

and lastly i think it's important that every person learns to meditate (i.e. ""practice mindfulness"") and a great place to start is the book Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. it's very easy to read. you can stop and start anytime, jump around between the short chapters, and so on. meditating in my daily life helps ground me in the present and appreciate what i have.

i hope you're ok today anon. i also hope some of this will be useful to you. be safe. i love you

No. 206835

>>206789
thank you. I do think it's more likely it was a lot of little things… fighting parents, being my mother's therapist, pressure to do well in school, puberty… I do relate to certain symptoms of aspergers in girls, but I'm not sure, I seem too socially adept, I'm a bit awkward but I've always adapted quickly. I /was/ diagnosed with adhd in adulthood that seemed to explain how abnormal I felt. doing poorly in school really hit me hard, everyone was always asking me why I did so well on tests but never did any homework and I just didn't have an answer, so I internalized it as me just being lazy and bad. I felt like being smart was my only talent so I felt like garbage when my grades plummeted in middle school.

I'll read that book. I do not have a good relationship with my mother at all and I suspect she's borderline. it was like walking on eggshells. I just deleted a huge novel i was writing about all the weird shit she'd pull and it made me realize that it's more than enough to make a kid snap.

I love you too. and the other anon that responded as well. be well you two

No. 206842

>>206754
First of all, weird interactions with men online can absolutely fuck you up. It doesn't have to be extreme to leave lasting damage. Secondly, I'm going to go against other nonnas and say that obsessively searching for a reason is not healthy. Sometimes it's a lot of small issues, sometimes it's nothing. Your brain is really good at protecting you from trauma, but not perfect to the point you don't remember a single thing. You always know something happened, you just don't process it right away. It's hard to explain, but in my experience it's not total amnesia. I always knew I was molested I just couldn't come to terms with it. Back to the point, I'd really encourage you to try and find a therapist specializing in cbt. No medication, just talk therapy. Or if you don't want to do that, there's worksheets online and a thousand books on the subject. I hope you find something that works for you and keeps you healthy and safe.

No. 206849

>>206842
that's kind of comforting. I know you've said obsessively searching for a cause isn't healthy, but I'd like your opinion on a particular experience if you wouldn't mind. do you think seeing my mom being super weird in a sexual way could have also been damaging? it wasn't directed at me but it happened around me, if that makes sense. spoilered because it's pretty gross. when I was really young she would occasionally sneakily masturbate when I was in the room, at the time I didn't understand it and thought she was scratching an itch (as an adult I'm 90% sure that's what she was doing because I now recognize the, er, smell. gag). when I was a tiny bit older I walked in on her letting my childhood dog lick her through her underwear. she was smiling and laughing and saying his name so she was enjoying it, she only pushed him away when she noticed I was standing in the doorway. I don't remember if I understood what I was seeing at that point but it did make me very, very uncomfortable. I had no idea what to do with that knowledge so I just kept it to myself. I think the online interactions and then whatever the hell this was could have warped my view of sex. I've always felt ashamed of my sexuality, like it was something dirty and wrong.

No. 206857

>>206849
nta but just reading that traumatised me. if you're looking for someone to tell you that shit is fucked up and it's understandable that you would be messed up by it, then i'll gladly be that person. i see why you'd get hung up on memories like those. i'm really sorrt you had to witness that.

>>206842
nothing is healthy when taken to an obsessive degree. that doesn't mean you should give up on looking for the inciting event(s). i understand that you can treat a wound without knowing exactly how you got it, but that's just a temporary solution. it will reopen again and again if you don't address the root cause.

No. 206873

How do you find purpose in life? I feel like I’m here without any reason and I’ve never been able to envision myself further than the present.

No. 206877

>>206873
That is a question only you can answer. You have to get in the shit pile in your brain and pull it out. Most people don't like doing that so they live mediocre, purposeless lives and become bitter.

No. 206879

>>206873


the scary part: there is no purpose to life. the cool part: YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHATEVER PURPOSE YOU LIKE.

No. 206880

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No. 206890

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No. 206917

I'm trying to decide whether I want to move-up in my ~cArEeR~ or not and I'm really torn. Please bless me with your insights, my dear nonas. I'll be moving from 30 hours a work week to 39. The quality of work is meh, since I'll be moving from a semi-varied job that's outdoors (with a nice view) to one where I'll be indoors and sitting on my ass a majority of the time doing reports, which sounds comfy but will definitely be boring. I'll be working strict 10 hour, 4 day work weeks as opposed to my current 6 hour and 5 day work week that's flexible. I'm currently working in a team, with people I've known for well over a year and we all get along great. In this new position, I'll be going in blindly and will be paired with a manager who I'll be stuck sharing a desk with for 10 hours. It's a very high chance I'll be paired with a normalfag scrote and it's a dice-roll whether we'll get along or not since I'm on the shy side and become very nervous and meek in new situations. I can be cordial, but it's difficult for me to hit it off with most people. I keep going back and forth, because I see a lot of potential for me to grow professionally (as well as personally) and it's an opportunity to look better on paper, but I'm scared I won't vibe and integrate with the manager and crew since I'm coming in from somewhere else. The pay increase isn't anything worth bragging about either since I only get a meager 50¢ bump with a chance to earn 2 more dollars an hour after working there for 3 years, but atleast I get paid lunches kek. If you anons were in my position, what would you do? Take it or leave it? And let me add, I'm in no dire position where I need the extra hours or cash.

No. 206924

>>206917
I think it depends on the vision you have for your future. Do you want to work levels and levels above that promotion? If that's your end goal, then it makes sense to sacrifice the quality of your current position for a temporary slog in the next one. There's a very real chance of becoming depressed from the inactivity and isolation of the promotion. Only accept it if you're prepared to work against that negative mindset and move further up the ladder. Personally I am not ambitious at all, so I would keep working the comfy job.

No. 206957

I'm 18 and really want a boyfriend. Am I too young? I am occupied with my studies and my own hobbies and self-development, but sometimes I am not as disciplined or focused as I would like to, which makes me think I should not desire a boyfriend. I feel like a boyfriend is more like a reward or allowed if you have everything else in order. I have the impression that this is the wrong way to perceive the matter, but I am not sure and not used to thinking differently. I just wonder if it is healthy and normal that I feel guilty for wanting a boyfriend.

No. 206960

>>206957
Your way of speaking is a bit odd, is it not common in your culture to start dating in your late teens? Where I am it's perfectly common and accepted to have a boyfriend at 18.

>I just wonder if it is healthy and normal that I feel guilty for wanting a boyfriend.

Don't be stupid lol, it's healthy to desire romantic and intimate relationships at your age.

There's really right or wrong thing to do here. It's normal to be interested in dating at 18 but if you want to focus on your personal development first, then that's also totally okay. The choice is up to you. The only thing you should watch out for is that you shouldn't sacrifice your hobbies, personal-development and most importantly your education for a boyfriend, but if you can juggle both that's great.

No. 206961

>>206957
Imo, it's only worth it if you can find a boyfriend that adds to your life and actually makes you happy. There are too many women who stay with men who don't treat them right/make them do most of the work in a relationship. With all the garbage out there, I'd say it's more pain than its worth unless you have really high standards that will deter low-quality men.

No. 206963

>>206957
I don't think there's any "normal" way to think about wanting a boyfriend because everyone's different about what they want. I think you're on the right track with focusing on your own self-development first, but I think that viewing a boyfriend as a reward can be dangerous because it's still putting the concept of a boyfriend on a pedestal. Being ready to date isn't necessarily about having your whole life in order, but I think it's more about knowing that you're stable enough in yourself to find a healthy relationship. I think the reason why people always say "work on yourself first!" before dating is because many people fall into the trap of wanting to be in a relationship so bad that they force themselves into a relationship that doesn't work for them. If you think that you're in a good place where you know your boundaries and what you want out of a partner I don't see any reason why you should stop yourself from dating.

No. 206964

>>206957
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. You're a young adult and it's a normal desire to have. I'm older and looking back on my first relationship at 19 I was a little naive and didn't know it at the time. You learn alot in your first relationship.

My general advice would be don't be afraid to ask friends or older relatives for advice if you ever have a disagreement or if something in the relationship sits funny with you. There's value in using other peoples experience to help you recognize what's healthy and what's not. Maintain your hobbies or your friendships and keep room for those things still. Always make sure the relationship brings you more joy than pain and if that scale ever tips over.. it's time to move on.

That and just be good about your birth control and having strong sexual boundaries where you don't get pulled into fulfilling acts you might not truly want. That seems to pop up alot now with men and.. women in their first relationship can very easily get sucked into being too much of a pleaser in that area.

No. 206967

>>206960
It is common, my peers have had boyfriends or are currently in relationships. But they also have very different lifestyles and ambitions to me, which makes me think it is acceptable for them but not for me. I recognise that some of these doubts are influenced by trauma, but it is never black and white.
>>206963
I struggle with this very much, because I do have a history of trauma and it obviously affects every aspect of my life. I know I have an unhealthy attachment style, for instance, and I am working on this every day, alongside other unhealthy habits or ideas I have. However, I also am just a teenage girl and would like a boyfriend, and I can never know when I have fully healed from these things. Furthermore, I learn so much from all of my relationships, that I am of the opinion that a relationship, even if it fails, can be extremely fruitful when healing and growing. Thank you very much for your response, I appreciate it. I think it is okay if I want a boyfriend indeed, it is normal and human. I don't have to be perfect to be loved, and desiring love is normal, it is not wrong. Writing this and reading your responses makes me realise that the only reason I worry about this is because I was raised to understand love is a reward for good behavior, if at all. I was raised to believe that I must serve and perform well, unless I want to be attacked and put in danger, and even then performing well might not pay off, it is simply the status quo. Me thinking I should have everything in order and be perfect before being allowed to build a connection just stems from having all of my connections from the past following this principle. I don't have to be perfect for love, I do not have to serve anyone or anything, and relationships are not tasks or jobs or rewards or achievements, they just develop naturally and imperfectly. Sorry for the blogposting, but I struggle so much with my sexuality and romantic feelings, and thinking about this has (thankfully) made some things click in a way that I believe I can actually move forward and develop a new way of thinking. As a result, I think I should embrace and welcome these longings for a boyfriend and see them as something normal and good that will be fruitful. I don't have to be perfect to have a boyfriend and nobody expects me to be perfect. Thank you again. I did not go back to edit my text because it shows my development of thought directly, haha
>>206964
Thank you so much, I will 100% follow these principles. I am also very adamant in remaining true to myself and my boundaries. thank you again and also to the other anons

No. 206974

>>206967
Not gonna read that wall of text, but if getting a boyfriend doesn't fit within your goals and ambitions then don't get one. Decide what you want or value more. You're always going to have to make sacrifices to reach your goals, maybe not getting a boyfriend is your sacrifice. And like another anon said, relationships don't always lead to good things, especially as a woman.

No. 206981

>>206967
Good luck anon. I understand that with trauma and unhealthy attachment that it can be difficult to distinguish between what a healthy and unhealthy relationship is. However, it sounds like you've done a lot of self-reflection and the fact that you're aware of this is already a huge step since a lot of people aren't even aware of what personal baggage they might be carrying into their next relationships. If you're really worried I'd say it always helps to have a therapist to help 'check' whether your perceptions of certain situations are correct, but also I think you can just go for it and see what happens. Just make sure to stay safe and don't ignore red flags just because you think you 'love' somebody.

No. 206985

>>206967
I feel like the vast majority of 18 year olds have no idea what 'attachment styles' or attachment injuries are so in fairness you're at some advantage if you've read up on things like that and if you continue to examine your own attachment issues.

I had 2 incredibly shit relationships behind me before I discovered all that. How I wish I had known lol

No. 206992

Okay, I'm just gonna put this out here - I'm an alcoholic with a strong tolerance, so I've been drinking incredibly hard in tge past 5 years. I'm tried to ask around online and google etc, but I want to make a decision. Should I go in if I have symptoms of kidney disease? My doctor just prescribed pepcid, but I can't eat without getting awful cramping, sharp pains, and some nights I wake up to violent nausea and vomiting.

Yes, I know, obvious stop drinking, you don't need to remind me.

No. 206993

>>206992
*I want to make a decision based on more info whether I go to the doctors again.

No. 206996

>>206992
I don't see any reason not to go to the doctor again in this situation, unless it's difficult money-wise?

No. 207015

>>206996
Things are difficult money wise.

No. 207016

>>207015
You need a doctor. If you truly cannot afford it, go to the hospital and refuse to give a real name. This is not illegal, and any public hospital has to render care.

No. 207017

>>207016
How does one just walk into a hospital and ask for care without a name?

No. 207041

>>207017
I mean, you just… do it? They will be mad at you probably but you'll have to live with that. Or if you think it's easier make up a name like Eleonora McSpalding Lakeham-Wothers, although I guess I would google any fake name first to make sure you aren't getting someone in trouble. Or just go with something really common like Sarah Smith.

It will be stressful but hobos do it all the time, as do people who get injured in gang violence and don't want to be tracked down by the police. Ok I got that one from TV but the hobo thing is for sure real.

No. 207065

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Anons, how do I change these specific patterns that I keep creating over and over?
It's starting to be a problem at my workplace.

I have low-self esteem and always expect to be rejected and hated by people so I withdraw a lot and usually avoid them. Right now I'm at a new workplace and I KNOW that going to the office and socializing with my coworkers is crucial at this point but I just can't make myself do it and at the same time I'm also paranoid that they think I hate them because I choose to work from home office. Whenever we do check-ins with someone I assure them that everyone's nice and helpful but I can already see their disbelief and the fact that they see I'm fucking insane. I was fired from my previous workplace for not fitting in where I made the same mistakes (self-sabotaged myself, avoided socialization with coworkers because I thought I was gonna die from anxiety, etc). With one-on-one interactions I can perform fine. I had an online test writing review session with a coworker and I could even joke around and have a somewhat decent conversation. Group setting? Impossible. I cannot utter a word. Also (I vented about this the other day), I heard someone saying in the background during a workshop that 'She never speaks' and 'she'd better start looking for another job' which sent me into absolute despair and I feel like I have already destroyed my chances at being on good terms with my coworkers.

I KNOW that all I should do is just….believe in myself, assume the best of everyone and be positive but like…how the fuck do I do that?

No. 207066

>>207065
And before someone asks, I have been in therapy for many years

No. 207067

>>207065
And another note: for the longest time I have wondered if I might be a narcissist because when I feel that someone likes me, I can chat with them just fine. It's when I feel that someone doesn't like me, it makes me want to throw up with anxiety because I feel that there must be something horrible in me that deserves to be hated and they picked it up.

The way I imagine it is that normal people have a safe place within themselves where they feel whole and secure even if they feel that noone likes them. I feel like I don't have that 'safe place' and I don't know how to create it

No. 207079

>>207065
Have you considered social anxiety/social skills training? I know it's not easy to undertake something like that, I've been in your place, but your job is on the line. Also: exposure, exposure, exposure. You need the experience of social interations in various settings. You'll get experience and build confidence. It's like you need to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation first, learn from it and copy others, apply what you've learned the next time to slowly convince your brain "hey, I can do this." That's how I overcame my social anxiety and low selfesteem.

No. 207084

Someone I love very much just told me "I don't want to follow after you anymore."
I understand my wrongdoings and I've apologized, but what should I reply to that? I don't neccessary want to drag them back to my side since I know I can't change and I don't want to hurt them anymore, but I don't want this to end on a sour note. What do I reply back?

No. 207101

>>207084
All we know is that you've upset this person, you realize what you did was upsetting, and you know you can't/are unwilling to change whatever behavior caused this. Just leave the poor individual alone before you do any more damage.
>I don't want this to end on a sour note
Too bad, you can't control how other people react. You've already apologized, from here on out the other person's feelings are their business. The only reason you should possibly be getting back in touch is if you've taken drastic steps to change whatever this negative behavior is, and that sort of thing takes time (months if not years.) Don't reply. Let them go and respect their need for space. Focus on being a better person if you actually want to do something meaningful.

No. 207159

File: 1632756390471.jpg (136.34 KB, 900x578, areyouwining.jpg)

help, how do i fake being put together for my family? i am afraid both my parents and siblings think i am a loser. i am taking extra time to finish my bachelors because i had an eating disorder and no money, then i got depressed and schizoid. i moved back with my parents last year and since then i overspent on takeout and ordered vanity items like game merch and anime plushes. i do have 2 minimum wage jobs but i can't keep my room clean or stop spending on takeout and ready made food. i have to pay rent but it is still cheaper than other places. my parents peeked into my room and lectured me on keeping it clean. nobody comes over. i have no friends here. i cling to my siblings and become excited like a lost puppy when they bring their friends. these people are younger than i am. i am an adult yet can't keep a clean room. i am so lonely i try to fill the void by buying things. talking about my problem to my family makes them think i am ill and pathetic. i hide my takeaway habit. how do i fake it until i make it?

No. 207198

>>207159
Fake it til you make it doesn't apply to cleanliness. You have to put in an effort. Realize it doesn't have to happen overnight. Think of your space in sections, such as closet, bathroom, bedroom. Next time you catch yourself shopping for retarded weeb crap or even thinking about it, close your browser or app or whatever, pick a section to work on, set a timer for 30 minutes and clean that part of your room. Do not do anything else until your alarm goes off. No snack time, no toilet break unless it's an emergency, no lolcow or replying to messages or endless scrolling. People who have their shit together set aside time to keep their affairs in order. You aren't good at regulating that yet so a stricter schedule is the only way to get on track. A takeout meal is fine to reward yourself for your work, or a book that can teach you something you would like to learn, but stop buying useless toys, or better yet keep a one-in-one-out rule and sell or give away a similar toy if you want to buy a new one. This will prevent you from hoarding to fill the voids in your life, and make you think over your purchases more carefully to decide if you really want it more than the things you already have. Every time you receive a package of some retarded weeb crap you caved in and bought, do not open it. Set a timer for 1 hour and clean and organize your shit. Reward yourself with opening the thing if you did your best. If not, don't open it and try again tomorrow. It's ok if you don't get much done so long as you do your best and don't cave in to distractions until your timer goes off. It can be overwhelming if you have been keeping it messy for some time so don't beat yourself up for failing, but strive to be better.

No. 207208

>>207198
Samefag, sorry ran out of time to delete and repost. Wanted to add: why are books/meals ok but plushies aren't, you might be wondering? Both books and meals have an utility while plushies and gamer merch generally don't. Food should be obvious, you gotta eat something. Takeout is a harder budget hit than cooking at home but you can work on limiting that when you've tackled these other issues first. If you choose books about things you want to learn - and no it doesn't have to be a "useful skill" by anyone else's standards, it could be a book about how plushies are made or the development and lore of your favorite game - your purchases have more value besides just sitting there looking cute. Any time you feel bored or unmotivated and want to shop, and you've done your time trying to improve the tidiness of your room, crack open a book instead and gain some desired knowledge. If you don't see the value in this just trust me and give it a try. This is an easy way to feel accomplished and can be a huge self esteem booster, along with giving you things to talk about with people you'd like to explore friendships with, and keeping you into a learning mindset should you intend to finish your degree.

No. 207279

My friend has this habit of quoting his favorite comedians randomly while we are having a conversation. How do I tell him it's annoying without hurting his feelings? Is there a way to give him a hint? He probably does it because he's too invested in them and because there's not much going on in his life but it's sooo boring and he doesn't get that not everyone is into comedians or what random celebs have to say. It immediately kills the vibe we're having and I want it to stop. I'd rather listen to anything that's his own opinion than these stupid second hand stories of people I'm not interested in just because he looks up to them. I love my friend but I don't know how to let him know it's autistic as fuck. I might end up just saying it how it is but I'd rather avoid being rude about it.

No. 207317

My mother is 57 and getting bad leg pains whenever she stands for too long. When she goes to the GP they say it's nothing big, and with covid going on, she says it feels like they're dismissing her. I want to help her before it's too late. She's slightly overweight so I'm going to change our dinners to be healthier– is there something in particular older women need in their diets? Any websites or tips? The only food I know how to cook now is the traditional meals she taught me but that's all high in carb with minimal nutrition. Breakfast ideas would be nice too.

I encourage her to walk more often and some daily stretching. Do you guys think 3k steps is a lot for her age? She's also asthmatic so I don't want to push her too much. Please help me, I just want her to be healthy and stop feeling unnecessary pain that can be prevented. My older brothers are useless and wont give a shit until its too late.

No. 207318

>>207317
Damn anon, I'm sorry about your mom but at least she will eat what you cook. My mother is 63 and overweight and was almost pre-diabetic. You think this would've scared her straight but she is a typical dumbass boomer who believes that sugar is good for you and gives zero fucks and continues to eat like shit and wonders why she is sick and in pain all the time. She has the body of an 80 year old and it's fucking sad. I know one day she's probably going to get diabetes and get her limbs chopped off due to her shit diet. I just wish I could leave before it happens but I'm too mentally ill to be able to get away.

Anyway, any amount of walking is fine for your mother. My mother is also asthmatic. Nothing wrong with her walking 3K or for 30 minutes a day as long as she takes her inhaler. I'm not sure about the leg pains, but if you really think it's related to her weight you could suggest that she see a nutritionist. She could also try seeing a physical therapist (physiotherapist). It's good that you care, but coming from experience, if your mother doesn't care about herself then there is nothing that you can do.

No. 207341

How/where do you find and make friends? I haven't spoken to anyone in over 5 years, not even in passing. I'm a 20 year old NEET paranoid schizochan (untreated lol no monie) with really bad depreciated social skills and zero awareness of trends or memes or anything like that. For a long list of reasons, I can't go outside and my only real option is making friends online. The thing is I don't know what kind of community I can even join or where to find one. Discord seems like the obvious choice but I'm kind of worried about how many kids and scrotes are on there. I'm also afraid that if I do find adults, people will pick up how suspicious I am, or that they will look down on me for being a NEET and ill. Or that they will abuse me, since the last people I talked to treated me really poorly finding out that I was schizo. I dissociate most of the time and although I can talk during those times I'm really vulnerable and have no control over what I say and I won't know about it until weeks to months later, so I'm afraid of sensitive communities with cancel culture stuff in it and communities known for taking advantage of people too. I'm just kinda stumped. Finding communities aside, I know nothing about talking to people. I can pick up on jokes and stuff but I don't understand how to match people's energy or how to know what they want to hear. My authentic self isn't acceptable, I don't have an identity or likes or dislikes or anything to me at all, but I don't know how to make a more palatable personality and keep it going, or how to adapt it to different social situations. How do you come up with conversation topics or answer questions about how you're doing or what you've been up to if you do literally nothing all day? What's the highest level of anonymity that won't make people suspicious? I know people get uncomfortable if you refuse to give over any information. I was thinking of lying about it since I would look more normal that way but do I really have to keep up a whole spreadsheet of all the things I lie about? What if different people want different answers? I don't get it. I definitely sound autistic or like a lolcow or something but I swear I just haven't spoken to anyone in years and I'm completely lost on how things work. This was a lot, sorry, and I don't know if I made any sense but my questions are basically
>How do I find a community that works for someone like me?
>How do friendships and social interaction work?
>How do you go about being acceptable to other people when there's nothing acceptable about you?

No. 207343

>>207341
If you could make one cool friend, JUST one, and get introduced to their online friend group… you’d get it made.

No. 207345

>>207341

I will be your friend.

No. 207358

File: 1632902250385.jpg (462.27 KB, 1079x557, Yggroi8966469jht.jpg)

How do you cope with the fact that you will never achieve anything you want because you're too poor, live in a village and have no family?

I've been to therapy but it didn't help at all, we just did all the stuff I already know and am already doing - meditation, exercise, journaling and all that crap.

It kills me that I will never be able to get a well paying job because they're all in the bigger cities. I can't even get a car due to shit minimum pay and my work contracts being 3-4 months so I can't even take a loan. I'm also too old now to go to college for free, so again, money.

I'm just so fucking tired of all of it. My dreams aren't even ambitious, all I want is a gf to live in our own place in my dream city, which isn't even that expensive. Just a normal life. Why is this so hard?

No. 207371

How can I stop buying clothes all the time? I go through these periods when I just buy things every day and I really don't need it and don't even end up wearing a lot of it. Like I bought leggings from bombshell sportswear that were pretty expensive, and I've worn them like twice. I return a lot of things I buy but it's not just the money, it also feels like a waste of time.

No. 207374

>>207341
You sound cool, I'd be your friend. I feel you though, I have one good friend from elementary school, I have my boyfriend, and one guy friend who is just an online friend. There was a friend finder thread here that was good, I talked to someone cool on discord for a while - not sure if the thread is still active, but you could look that up. Are you schizo as in schizoid or schizophrenic? Because I don't have experience with the latter, but my boyfriend has very strong schizoid tendencies, he doesn't go outside, it took over a year until he told me his name, he is very paranoid, etc. But honestly it's fine if someone likes you. If you trust someone and can be open about it, then that will help them a lot to understand your behavior though, but if not, I think if you have a good connection with someone then a lot of personal details just won't matter because you just like to be around them. I think finding good friends is hard for everyone though, some people seem content with having a lot of acquaintances, but I feel like having a good connection with someone is just rare.

No. 207382

>>207343
That's a good point. I heard that most people branch out friends organically like that. I'll do my best to make a friend somewhere.
>>207345
I'm not 100% sure if you're serious, but if you are, I would love to. If you aren't, thank you for the sentiment.
>>207374
The same to you as with the other anon. Thank you for letting me know about the friend finder thread too. When I say schizo I mean paranoid schizophrenia, the whole 9 yards. Delusions, hallucinations, word salad and odd way of thinking, talking, and moving, the 5 As, all of it. I get a lot of false memories too, which is a cool double whammy with dissociative amnesia. Haha. Apparently it's a somewhat severe case. It's a relief to know that it should be okay if they like me and that it's okay to just be acquaintances with people if I can't make friends. Trusting people feels kind of Herculean right now, so I'm just happy if I can talk to people every so often that don't think badly of me. Thanks.

No. 207395

>>207341
wish i could be ur friend.

No. 207406

>>207382
Post your discord or a throw away account. I wouldn't mind talking to you if you really just want an internet friend.

No. 207414

>>207406
Sure, it's lavender#8263

No. 207475

>>207371
I'm struggling with this too. I've heard of this "shop your closet" method. When you feel the urge to buy something, look at what you already have and grab something you've never worn.

No. 207495

File: 1633016445386.jpg (35.41 KB, 576x416, Wendy-Darling-peter-pan-147759…)

How the fuck do I get people to take me seriously and as an adult? It probably stems from me still feeling and acting like a child but how do I stop feeling like that? What are the things that differentiate a child from an adult? Would taking up more responsibilities make me more mature?

And for context: I'm not childish in the sense that I'm skipping rope wearing pigtails in the park on Sundays, I just think sometimes I have a tendency to feel helpless, directionless and people pick up on that and feel like they need to mother me…?

No. 207582

>>207495
>I have a tendency to feel helpless, directionless and people pick up on that
Are people approaching you out of nowhere to give you advice or are you oversharing about how lost and directionless you feel? It's generally good to keep things like that close to the chest. Some people mean well but you never know who may want to take advantage. In the long term you want to build more confidence by becoming competent, studying things that are useful in life and building self esteem (therapy, either self directed or with a professional). In the meantime, aside from monitoring what you discuss with people, take a video of yourself and try to be as objective as possible. Would you take yourself seriously? Do you shrink to make yourself smaller? Is your voice excessively mumbly, soft or high? Speaking too fast to get a point across? Are the words you use passive and indecisive? After you assess all that watch an interview or something with a woman you see as poised and confident and try to mirror her. Take another video and see if your presentation is better. It can be hard to remember everything at once so focus on one or two things at a time (like speaking slower and more from your chest). Fake it until you make it.

No. 207610

I am often so tired in the morning I'm not awake even though my eyes are open. I can't stand this state and it often leads me to waking up extremely late in the day. It feels so horrible to be so exhausted and I have nightmares about it a lot. People will be talking to me and I just won't hear it because I'll literally be falling asleep. I'm not looking for advice on how to improve my sleeping habits because I'm already working on it, but rather how to snap out of this horrible state of fatigue and delirium in the mornings so I can get on with my day and not feel so horrible.

No. 207619

Idk of this is the right place to put it but I was wondering if my Ex would have been considered abusive. They didn’t physically abuse me but they did things that made me feel bad.

Whenever I was having an off mental health day and looking for some sympathy they would blame it on my hormones. I would also find out later they would talk behind my back in private groups and shared things I said to them in private moments to laugh at with their friends. Then said friends would threaten physical harm to me because they considered what I said as “cringe” or whatever.

I would get upset when they didn’t reconcile my wants and needs and would ask me why they were so important to me, devaluing my feelings and making me feel bad for wanting and needing physical and sexual attention. I put in more than I was given. And I’m just wondering was I unknowingly in an emotional abusive relationship for like, years?

No. 207634

>>207582
These were very useful points, thank you. I answered with yes to all of those questions. Whenever I have to speak in a public setting I think I make the impression that I just want to get it over with and want to disappear

No. 207635

>>207619
>>207619
It is a spectrum. You were on the low end of the emotional abuse spectrum I would say. There is no point in worrying about that, just accept the fact that you're done with that awful person and carry on with life. I'm sorry this happened to you.

No. 207670

File: 1633142113915.gif (9.3 MB, 520x293, coffee.gif)


No. 207775

My ex best friend just texted me for the first time in months and idk if I should text back. I've spent months getting over it and I'm still not over it, I don't want to know her anymore but I've turned into a very hateful person since we stopped being friends and I don't want to be a bitch lol (nothing spectacular happened that made us split, I was a dumbass, she trooned out and we grew apart). Should I text back? Just to have a civil conversation and maybe stop hating her

No. 207780

if any anons have experience dating men older than them i need to hear your advice/stories.
basically, i have the biggest crush i've ever had on this guy (regular customer at my job). he's pretty, tall, funny & sarcastic, has a good job, is athletic, has similar interests, etc. i'm crushing so fucking hard but the thing is i'm 23 and he's 40. i know that he's definitely interested in me but he's never been weird towards me or even overtly flirty. i just want to know what kind of unique problems come with dating someone much older than you? i can imagine certain aspects, but i just want to hear from anons that have actually experienced dating like this.

No. 207783

>>207780
Don't do it retard, wtf would you want with a middle aged man willing to date a 23 year old? That's gross predatory shit, decent guys date women their own age.

Have some foresight ffs, you're gonna be 40 one day. Do you want the men your age to be convinced they can date 20 year olds instead? Because they will think that as long as dumb young girls enable their creepy asses.

No. 207785

>>207780
"interested" doesn't mean he's romantically into you. and why would he be. he just wants your body lmfao. he's a grown ass man and he's playing with u and even he knows nothing real would be possible between u and him. get a grip

No. 207792

>>207783
i see your point. this guy has dated women all within his own age range ~5yr differences so its not like he's on the prowl for young girls. i get how bad it sounds without context but he's not creepy, he's super kind and respectful. not just to me but to everyone i've seen him interact with. idk
>>207785
girl… i'm pursuing him not the other way around. besides i don't fuck dudes willy nilly if he just wants me for my body (tbh couldn't blame him, still don't think thats the case) then he'd just stop entertaining the idea of dating when he realizes i'm not about sex w/out some form of commitment. before you ask yes i'm retarded, but it doesn't seem too far fetched to think he might realize he's gonna die in or around 30 yrs from now and could want to find someone to spend most of that time with. let me dream.

No. 207800

>>207792
>he might realize he's gonna die in or around 30 yrs from now and could want to find someone to spend most of that time with.
Yeah he realizes, the question is do you? Do you really want to be with a fucking 50-year-old while you're still young in your 30s? You want to take care of his sagging geriatric ass while you still have energy and hobbies and a normal life? Or maybe he'll just discard you for the next younger trophy model at that point. It's well known outside of Hollywood blowing smoke up everyone's asses that men age like milk. He might be the fun sexy older man for all of 2 seconds but once the excitement clears (which won't take long) you'll be stuck with a predatory manchild who thinks he's still the "cool fun guy" for dating someone half his age when you both have nothing in common. It's incredibly cringe, and trust me you're not special to him, you're an exciting porn category/novelty. You're nowhere near the same point in your lives and that makes a massive difference in the ways you relate and how you get along. He will eventually hold you back and when you're mature enough to see him for what he really is, you will deeply regret the time you wasted with him when you could've at least been with a hotter, younger guy who is exploring some of the same things in life you are.
>let me dream.
In the first post you asked us to describe the problems with this scenario and now you want us to cheer on a terrible idea, which is it? I (along with some of the other anons I'm sure) have been with similar retarded old men that took advantage of us then got tired of the pathetic, immature losers they really were. We're warning you. Crush on him if you must, but do not take it further if you have any respect for yourself.
t. an anon who wasted a good portion of her 20s with someone over 10 yrs older

No. 207804

>>207800
anon you're right ok i hate you but you're right. so thanks for putting the fear of god into me with the thought of him being nasty old instead of hot old. i'm bursting at the seams with hormones and i genuinely hate dudes my age. they're incredibly immature and stupid and cheat all the time even when they're ugly and have 2/10 broken dicks. i might just go be a nun because it seems like theres literally no good choices when it comes to men. they're all fucking awful i just want one thats like handicapped in one way or another that knows he can't get better and won't try. whatever im gonna go scream into a pillow now

No. 207806

>>207804
>they're incredibly immature and stupid and cheat all the time even when they're ugly and have 2/10 broken dicks
nta but all of this applies to old farts too lol

No. 207816

>>207806
i was thinking at least the old one has a decent paying job and doesn't use social media and has fucked enough to probably not be terrible at it, all things which guys my age aren't able to say for themselves. oh well lol

No. 207817

>>207804
>>207816
All these complaints you have about younger guys… consider that a sane 40 year old man should have the same complaints about women your age and see you as immature af, but even more so considering the significant age gap. Hopefully that puts it into perspective what kind of person he'd be if he took you seriously.

No. 207823

Every morning I wake up feeling like I got hit by a truck. This has been going on for years. What can I do about it?

No. 207825

>>207823
First and foremost a bloodtest, could be anemia, hypothyroidism, etc. But depression could also cause fatigue. How are you emotionally?

No. 207827

>>207816
The older men who are decent are all taken though, unless they're widowers

No. 207833

File: 1633262321818.jpg (75.71 KB, 1139x159, Screenshot_3.jpg)

I have this pattern where I lean on my imagination too much to regulate my emotions. Like something bad happens in reality, so I start reimagining the scenario in a positive way and start to get really detached from reality (while generating more and more feel good fantasies about imaginary relationships or success, etc) and when I start interacting with reality again, I feel disappointed, which triggers me to fantasize again and the cycle continues.

Does anyone else function like this? How can I stop doing this and what coping mechanism should I use instead?

No. 207836

>>207825
Oh, I am due for a blood test. Emotionally, I've always been either numb or extremely sad, but there's nothing I can do about that as therapy is not an option. I just don't want to believe that depression could leave me this broken physically.

No. 207840

>>207836
Depression can absolutely feel like that. Not to worry you but if you're in a bad place emotionally, your energy level will be bad too.

No. 207844

How can I stop obsessing over people?

No. 207868

File: 1633286632034.jpg (247.31 KB, 816x980, cherry dipped.jpg)

how do i figure out a good paying career/job/path? im close to finishing my a.a. in gen ed courses at 20 with no clue where to go to from here. my ideal job is wildlife biology but have heard its long work with little or no pay at all.

im considering a graphic design or paralegal degree and my dream would be to open up some small etsy shop one day lol.

i like music, creating, sewing, reasearching/learning and animals, but i have no idea how i can make a career out of any of this. i want to continue college because im worried i might struggle without it.

should i take a year off after my a.a. and learn some skills on my own? is there even a decent paying job i could attain without years and years of more college?

im really obsessing and stressing out over this and feel like a loser. i just want to make the right choices.

of course i have dreams like my shop or writing books but obviously a career with those things comes with luck.

No. 207896

>>207868
Graphic designer here, big nope, i wish i had gone for my first option instead.

I cant really advise on anything else, im trying to go back to school for computer science rn

No. 207903

>>207823
take vitamin d
>>207780
people already told you this was a bad idea, but just to answer your question about the unique problems it brings: one thing I don't see people talk about a lot is that it can be very awkward to try to connect with their friend circle and family or bring them into yours, and it's only worse when they're cool people you like and respect. and I'm talking about <10-year gaps here.

No. 207905

How do I make myself eat more? I have a hard time with disordered eating (not diagnosed with anything so not going to label myself) and haven't eaten anything or drank anything besides tea with sugar in for nearly 4 days. Even if I'm at work and feel like I'm about to collapse I can't eat. I genuinely hate this, I want to eat more but I also have a personality disorder (this time diagnosed) that gets triggered when I eat because I can't handle the emotion if that makes sense. I have a voice in my head that will verbally abuse me over food. I can't afford to go on like this because I feel I'm putting my job at risk and just want it to be easier, what would help? I'll take literally any advice.

No. 207908

File: 1633309325514.jpeg (177.84 KB, 1280x1281, E8B1F142-82DC-44ED-A9E3-0650EB…)

How do you guys deal with shutting down as a response to stress? My childhood was really abusive and the best way to avoid the wrath of my parents was to disappear for long periods of time. When I was younger it would last for days, then progressed into weeks, and eventually months of no contact with them despite living in the same house. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house without telling them though, so I would just spend almost all of my time stuck in my room browsing the internet. I’m out of that situation now but I still find myself unconsciously repeating these patterns whenever I’m stressed and locking myself away even though I don’t have to. As a result I spend all of my free time scrolling while chores and my hobbies get ignored. I want to be able to break free of this cycle but I feel like I never will. I have website blockers but they’re not enough and it gets to the point where I uninstall then reinstall certain apps multiple times a day. Im super nervous about something I have to do tomorrow plus a separate situation I have no control over and I’ll Ive done today was scroll Lolcow and wasted a day off. I’m tired of being like this and just constantly consuming things to distract myself while I really neglect what needs to get done.

No. 207918

>>207844
Not joking, find a hobby. Boredom and inertness leads to fixations

>>207868
You will probably not find a 100% perfect career. At almost 30 now and without a degree, I've realized the keys to happiness in a career is minimal stress and to have a good work-life balance. High pay is not as important. Am I in my dream job or any job I wanted to have during college before I dropped out? Hell no. But I am very happy. The bills are paid. I get to spend time with my loved ones. I've gotten to where I am now (I work in a museum) by talking to people older than me who were in positions that I wanted to have. I asked a pastry chef, a security guard, then a museum worker. "How did you get your job? Do you enjoy it?" And absolutely get a degree, any degree, because it will open so many doors for you, even if it doesn't relate to what you'll study.

No. 207925

What I want to be: a person who exudes warmth and has no problem talking to people and build friendships
What I am: a severely avoidant and socially awkward hermit who dreads social interactions and has panic attacks just from being with people
How do I go about this?

No. 207931

>>207918
What kind of work do you do at your museum, if you don't mind me asking? (ntayrt)

No. 207937

>>207905
Honestly if it's that bad, especially in combination with your diagnosed personality disorder, I don't think advice from random anons on lc is what you need. You should probably get diagnosed and professional help, if that's available to you.

No. 207939

>>207937
I have a current therapist but he’s not very helpful. I told him I feel I can only eat about two different types of food and he assumed it was because I hate different food textures? Which I definitely don’t and have never once implied I do. I’ve been feeling lately like I can’t rely on any professional to understand and have to do all the hard work on my own, it just feels kind of impossible what with that inner voice and PD.

No. 207944

>>207925
Build confidence in social settings and social skills first which you do through exposing yourself to lots social interactions.

No. 207956

>>207918
this really gave me a new perspective anon so thank you. i think im going to look more into opportunities with animals or wildlife and if not ill pursue a paralegal degree. either way, definitely a degree! just thank you. i realized i need to stop worrying so much.

even if in the future i end up finding a job i love without my degree needed, i always want to have that under my belt. i want to have that backup plan.

No. 207962

>>207931
I'm a guest service assistant. I sell tickets, roam the museum, and basically get paid to hang out and talk to people about the exhibits. I absolutely love it! Granted, I had to leave my previous museum to get to this level of chill and benefits, I did not love it there at all. I'm going to try shooting for an exhibition assistant position in the museum eventually (basically an office bitch lol), to get an even more perfect work-life balance.

>>207956
You're going to be fine, anon. good luck with your classes!!

No. 207996

So a while ago my boyfriend bought me a copy of his favorite book to read. I was sort enjoying it at first, but now I’ve grown to dislike the main character, and the story is getting into a territory I really can’t deal with. I’d feel better off just putting it down rather than forcing myself to finish it out of guilt, but I’m already more than halfway thru and I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend by not finishing a book that’s special to him. What do you all recommend?

No. 208007

>>207996
Do you not discuss the book? It's fine to have a different opinion on something, that brings about even more interesting discussion sometimes. Sometimes I continue hate-read so that I can articulate why I hate a character or plotline, if you can handle it try that otherwise just put it down and ask for another recommendation without the aspect of what you hated in this book.

No. 208010

For the past month or so I've been fixated on my own mortality and it's exhausting. I'll be working on coursework or washing dishes or something and then out of nowhere I'll start crying and freaking out about getting cancer or just getting really old and feeling my mind and body shut down as I go through indescribable pain. I ruminate about the various stages of decay that my body will go through constantly, and I can't talk to anyone in my family face-to-face without crying anymore because they're probably going to die before I do - it's like I'm mourning people before they're gone. When it gets really bad, even looking at living things like other people or even plants feels nauseating. I've had two extended family members die of COVID-related causes this year and several health problems in my immediate family so that might have something to do with it, but what the actual fuck is wrong with me?

No. 208015

>>207996
There's plenty of tv shows and films I've skipped watching (or quit halfway through) because I have a shitty past and while my ex bfs could enjoy violence in those settings.. I just can't. A decent partner will understand that if that's the issue you're talking about. I had one ex make me feel bad for not wanting to watch a show that's heavy on rape scenes.. he was an asshole in general lol

Plus it's fine to just not share all hobbies and faves. God knows there's 'gurly' faves that a bf won't want to go near either.

No. 208025

>>208015
Male orientated works always have rape scenes lmao or a main character that they can project onto

No. 208036

>>208015
Samesies. My most recent ex was pretty psycho in the first place but even then I refused to read or watch certain things he was into because I knew it would be stressful for me. So much "male" media is seriously just softcore torture porn and I refuse to make myself suffer through any more of that so I can be perceived as a coolgirl.
>>207996
>I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend by not finishing a book that’s special to him
Look you gave it a shot and that's the most anyone could ask. In these situations you should always ask yourself how you would feel if the situations were reversed. Presumably, if you gave your bf something to read and he got a ways into it but stopped because it just wasn't clicking or some of the content made him uncomfortable, at least he tried right? You might be a bit disappointed but would ultimately understand/not want him to force himself. There are plenty of other things you can connect over and a good partner would never want you to suffer (even when it comes to pushing yourself through boring media) for their sake. Do yourself a favor and maintain solid boundaries and self care even (especially) in the midst of a relationship.

No. 208043

File: 1633380142994.jpg (6.63 KB, 252x250, 1571241123229.jpg)

anons I'm so behind on my final university assignment (which is late already due to health issues) because I'm such a doormat and let myself get guilted into covering at my overwhelmingly understaffed minimum wage job! how do I grow a backbone anons? I get hella nervous about asserting myself because if people know you're a doormat they treat you like you're a cunt when you finally start saying no

No. 208047

>>208043
It's best to just learn to say no, I learned the hard way, but I know that's tough. If you really can't/don't want to say no, make up a lie as to why you truly can't pick up that shift. But remember, it's always enough to just say "No, I can't take that shift" with no further explanation. That's the best route to take. And if they keeo trying you can just repeat that and add "good luck finding someone else to take your shift!" to shut them up.

No. 208049

>>208043
Just tell them bluntly, apologise for the inconvenience. It’s really that simple.

No. 208058

>>208025
NTA but I wish more revenge movies with female protagonists didn't have graphic scenes towards them. Also 'Promising Young Woman' can fuck off: only the violence against women, none against men, because that is too ~unrealistic~

No. 208293

how do i find out if my bf is serious about us?
don't say
>just ask
men can lie for years just to have someone to fuck with conveniently
we been dating for about 9 months and he hasn't introduced me to his parents while he knows my family and regularly comes over
i asked why and he said his mother is critical of every one of his gfs and he wouldn't want to hear that bs about me
still he talks about us living together, how it's going to be, had talked about us having kids, starting a business together, and he is also generous despite still having student debt.
he is a good listener, and actually changes behaviors that bothered me. i am not sure about this mother thing. sure she might be a cunt but wouldn't he have to introduce me eventually? or is she such a cunt that i'd leave him immediately?

No. 208297

>>208293
>he hasn't introduced me to his parents while he knows my family and regularly comes over
That's a red flag if it carries on without a very good reason to exlplain the difference.

I have a brother who is 37 and I always found it strange how he has never introduced any of his gfs to us (we're not freaks or anything to be ashamed of) but then he'd be soo friendly with their family and would visit her relatives if they were in hospital… it was always one sided though. My moms funeral.. just him, my wedding day… just him. This repeated in every one of his long term relationships. He's 37, never been engaged or anything, never shared a lease with a partner, has his own mortgage in his own name for years now. Always has a gf but there's no commitment signs. I can only hope he's not stringing these women along but I suspect he is.

No. 208306

>>208293
Tell him that it's not his decision to make. You want to meet his mother knowing she could react negatively, but you're an adult and you can handle that. See how he reacts to you basically telling him that he has no choice. If he still refuses or argues after that, there's most likely a different reason he won't reveal.

No. 208311

Broke up half a year ago, ready to try to see people. Only online dating sucks. I work a full time job with hours 6am until 2, and I go to bed at like, 8. So that doesn’t really give me a good dating window. And it’s not like I have guaranteed days off either. So it’s deterring me that I won’t be able to meet anyone. And like hell I’ll meet anyone here at work.

No. 208316

>>208297
>>208306
i hope he is not that disgusting to be cheating on me or wasting my time. he could still waste my time after introducing the family though. or maybe they'd pressure him to be actually serious and that'd be the reason why he hasn't introduced me yet. i'll see next week, thank you anons.

No. 208322

>>208293
If you have to wonder about it then he's not serious.

No. 208341

>>208293
They will almost always choose their mothers in the end. If he's telling the truth and she ends up disliking you anyway, he'll eventually end up dumping you anyway. So you might as well get him to have the meeting with her over with. Insist to meet her.

No. 208447

I've always been the type of person to mirror other peoples personalities and take on the hobbies they do. I had some hobbies growing up but nothing too passionate. I went into a toxic relationship at 15 which lasted 6 years. I basically just copied all his hobbies and didnt leave his side. I am dating a new man now and I am trying to gain some kind of independence but due to the trauma I've experienced over the years and other factors, I simply can't gain any new hobbies.
I bought heaps of video games but I drop them in less than an hour of playing. I begin a book and drop it in less than a chapter. I don't even finish movies in one day. I am utterly depressed with my life, I am 24 and I have barely achieved anything career wise and I have nothing that I am passionate about. My typical day is simply eating, clinging onto my bf and sitting on my laptop watching dumb youtube videos and reading forums. I know that the solution is to take everything 'slowly' and 'step by step' but I try to do this so often and still let myself down. Has anyone been in as bad of a rut as I have? Has your depression overtaken you so much that you spend days doing absolutely nothing but the bare minimum? How does one even find a hobby when nothing perks your interest no matter how much you search?

No. 208458

>>208447
Sounds BPD-ish? Just speaking to the depression/can't find joy in anything aspect, I found I had to fix my self image before I was able to appreciate the world. I literally did all the things healthy people were "supposed" to do like study, get a good job, travel, workout regularly, date, try different hobbies. Still wanted to off myself, like constantly. CBT was a big help to both identify good things about myself and break down unhealthy beliefs I had, like believing no matter what I did I'd always be a worthless piece of shit. Have you ever tried it out? If you can't afford a therapist there are a lot of books on the topic (that's what I used)

No. 208460

>>208458
I tried a therapist before covid when my job paid more money and he also recommended cbt. Granted I am not a huge fan of regimented thinking patterns but I can definitely see the benefit of it, like rewiring a car to work properly again so to say. I should definitely give it another go, it's just so hard to focus on anything really. Fixing self image is a great piece of advice, however its so tricky to maintain, because when life gives you a big tumble all over again, your self image begins to waiver.

No. 208481

I just can't seem to make friends and keep them. I try my best to make friends but I think I'm just too weird and too scared to trust people too much. I always end up making friends who fall under "only there for the good times" type or "use and dump em'" type. Some of them are nice when I initially befriend them but later they will use me for something and offend me in some way so I quickly cut ties with them even if they sincerely try to apologize to me. I do have one genuinely nice friend but every time she wants to deepen the friendship level, I push her away. I think I have major trust issues because I used to be bullied since kindergarten until I'm in university (yes, I'm that pathetic). I also used to have a bff for 16 years but the friendship ended because of envy and competitive behaviour. I still feel sad that I lost my bff and reconciliation wasn't possible. I'm so jaded with friendships because I always end up hurt and disappointed. Yet I yearn to have at least one close friend to make life less lonely and boring. Sometimes I worry that I may be slightly autistic because I just can't click with people in general. Or maybe it's just trauma from being bullied a lot? I'm contemplating going to therapy but then I'm so embarrassed to go because my problem seems such a non issue and trivial compared to what other people face in life.

No. 208515

File: 1633643309556.jpeg (48.7 KB, 500x669, 9944498C-1241-492D-9E91-9AC1F1…)

My best friend is extremely depressed, so apathetic that she's essentially giving up on life altogether (but thankfully not suicidal). Her past experiences with hospitalisation, medication, clinical therapy, etc. have all been unhelpful and frankly traumatic. She has had much better experiences reading self help and spiritual books, but right now she can barely get out of bed, much less read. I think the root of her problems are feelings of hopelessness, self hatred, and fear of the future, all of which I understand and empathise with. Still I don't know what to say to her or how to act.

We're currently separated by entire oceans, so I can't pop in and check on her as I wish I could. Honestly we don't even talk often anymore, where we used to text a lot and even talk on a phone. Do anons have any guidance on what I might do to help her? I feel really worried for her. And failing that, some advice on how to cope with this myself? I have a hard time feeling so unhelpful, so lost, and so powerless in the face of all this. If it wasn't already obvious, I truly love this woman like a sister and I just want to do everything in my power to lift her up.

No. 208559

>>208515
Ugh I wish I could offer helpful advice but I can't so I'll just say I feel for you and I hope both of you guys can overcome this. When I went through a bout of depression I was almost exactly like her. Now that I'm in a better place, my friend is going through something similar and I can't for the life of me remember what I would've liked to be told or helped with when I was depressive myself. Something that did make me feel a bit better was when my friends would let me pour my heart out and encourage me to rant no matter how frivolous my struggles felt. I liked when they asked questions to help me figure out the root of why I was depressed, why different self-help methods did or didn't work, etc. I hated when they gave advice though because it always felt so obvious and infantilizing.

No. 208596

>>208559
Thanks Nona that's actually really helpful. She's the type who struggles to console and likes to give advice straighf away, but I have noticed she doesn't like receiving advice as much. I'll ask her open ended questions and try to get as much conversation out of her as I can when she has the energy to talk. No more suggestions, solutions, or platitudes… My goal is to understand her.

No. 208767

A very close friend of mine told me one of her roommates will leave because she found a job in a bigger city far from here. She lives with another one of our close friends and she told me that the girl will leave for her new job at the end of this month so if I'm interested I could leave my parents' place and live there.

I hate living with ly parents because they're crazy as fuck and I have no freedom and private life, it's far from public transport which I need everyday and from most stores in case I need to go grocery shopping. My friends's place is very close to public transport,from my job,from stores, it's not too far away from downtown, and the room I could have would cost me 300€ a month which is very cheap for what it is. But the apartment isn't in super good conditions (ot smells weird and idk if it's someone's BO or food) and a lot of things in the kitchen are nasty and hard to clean. I won't be able to bring my cat with me but I could just visit my parents sometimes to see the cat. On top of that my work contract is 6 months long and I have 5 months left, so I don't know if I'll have my contract renewed or not.

I'm seriously considering moving out. What do?

No. 208768

>>208767
My bad I meant her roommate (singular) will leave, so there will be two people left and they're both very close friends.

No. 208770

>>208767
Do it unless you can't take the financial blow of (temporarily) not having income if your contract doesn't get renewed. 300 euro is a great deal, at least where I am in a city and with the current living space crisis.

No. 208771

>>208770
I have money saved and I could in theory get unemployment benefits but in my country there was a very recent change when it comes to calculating unemployment benefits so I should look it up and try to get a new estimate of what I would earn at the end of my contract if it's not renewed.

No. 208782

I've been struggling a fair bit recently and as a result didn't fall asleep last night. I decided to try to stay awake but then I fell asleep at 9 in the morning and only awoke in the afternoon. I'm really trying to fix this and get myself back together, but I have a lot of shit to do. How can I energise myself so I can focus and be productive today? I can't concentrate on anything and focusing my eyes is a struggle on its own. I feel so horrible.

No. 208808

My friend just told me that she wouldn't make le sign a contract if I move to her place and become her room mate after we talked about it once more and I'm worried this could become an issues later for taxes or if I'm asked to send documents for my job, I'm gonna ask her how we could solve this issue if I agree to move in.

No. 209073

File: 1633974270578.jpg (85.74 KB, 972x880, rkeough.jpg)

Okay so…help me guys. How do I fit in and make myself loved at my new(ish) workplace?

I have avoidant personality disorder and my first month at my new workplace - since there's the option of working from home - I did exactly what my disorder dictated and avoided going to the office and generally talking to people. Initially I did go in but I didn't talk to anyone because I was too nervous. The (obvious) problem is that the manager implied during a meeting that not going to the office for a long time is a no no and also there are people that I'm supposed to talk to about job related stuff (my direct supervisors) and I have been neglecting these things. I am planning to go to the office this week but it obviously makes me super fucking nervous and I know it's gonna be hard to go in and just pretend I didn't ignore everyone for a whole month and just be the opposite of my usual aloof self and radiate kindness and positivity. Also it just seems really hard to rewire my brain from thinking PEOPLE=SOURCE OF DANGER AND ANXIETY to PEOPLE=SOURCE OF WARMTH AND EVERYTHING THAT'S GOOD or shatter the possibly existing (really bad) image that people have built in their heads about me (that either I'm stuck-up and/or socially retarded/and/or I hate them and that's why I avoided them for a month).

And just to add: I genuinely REALLY like the job and the place and feel like I could be good at this position it's just the social aspect that I have always struggled with everywhere and also it's just generally hard to outwardly show that I care about things (or people).

No. 209076

>>209073
You don't need to make yourself loved at work. You need to talk to your coworkers about work as it pertains to your duties and just avoid making their work life any harder than it already is (such as don't be rude or condescending, or waste people's time on the clock). Trust me the cool chick in the office doesn't have any more job security than you do by virtue of being friends with others. Your supervisor pointed out your shortcomings in communication and presence; no need to go overboard with fake positivity and friendliness. Were that an issue they would have spoken about that to you. Show that you care about your job by applying the feedback you were given and getting your work done.

No. 209079

>>209076
I hear you but the thing is, there's going to be a feedback session after 3 months where they collect everyone's opinion about what it is like to be working with me and I feel like the social context is simply unavoidable

No. 209086

>>209073
How about trying a different route: tell your brain "yes, people are a source of danger and anxiety, you are right in feeling that way, but… I have to deal with them a certain few times, and I would like to make those times not super awkward, if possible." Make that your goal, instead of switching 180 degrees to thinking people are a source of warmth. If you are ever meant to feel that way, first control yourself to deal with people well when you absolutely must.

No. 209103

I know this is a really weird one, but how do you let a long distance slightly autistic boyfriend miss you? I've decided to do what he's been doing to me and friends, and not be there to message back as soon as he does because he's overdependant on that. By being absent I was hoping this would help him understand how it feels when we all worry because he suddenly ghosts us for a week or a month. Should I just keep firm and not check my emails or messages for a few more days? So far, I've managed three.

No. 209104

How do I phase out of a friendship, where the person I don't want to be friends with is a part of a group with you and also dating one of your other friends?

Do I drop all off them? I would like to keep everyone else, but I just don't want to spend any mental energy on the draining person.

No. 209107

>>209103
How about you date normal people irl? Autists don't care about brain games because they're autists.

No. 209109

>>209103
Dating autists is not worth it. You can't win or prove a point to an autist since they're simply not capable of thinking like you do so you'll always either have to be the one to adjust or play stupid games, it's always going to cost you and only you.

To answer your question: you're dating an autist, as I said he probably won't understand your train of thought.

No. 209113

>>209103
>long distance
>autistic
>suddenly ghosts for a week or month

That's not a boyfriend, that's a penpal who apparently doesn't care about you. Whether it's due to autism or just apathy is irrelevant, you're wasting your time either way.

No. 209114

so… my younger sister is having some kind of gender crisis and it's stressing me out. i wasn't sure who to talk to this about, because i don't know anyone irl who shares my opinion on these issues.
she's 15, very smart and creative but too kind for her own good, and pretty gullible.
she spends a LOT of time on tumblr and discord. i know that's part of what the issue is, and i've tried to warn her about being safe online, but she views these communities as accepting safehavens.
for a couple years she's been open about being a lesbian, and i was always very proud of her - i've struggled a lot with comphet and discovering my own sexuality, so for her to realize who she is so young made me proud. but lately she's been calling herself "transmasc" and going by a new, masculine name. our parents have started using it around the house, and it's just… a little upsetting, i guess.
i don't want to play this game. i don't want to use this name, have this snowball into something harmful because i feel forced to support something i don't agree with. she has a beautiful name, her real name, and it's how i've known her since the day she was born. i don't want to lose my sister.
is there anything i can do? do i just play along and hope she grows out of it? when i was her age i thought i was nonbinary, so i suppose this happens to a lot of young people online.
our parents are very liberal. they didn't ask any questions about why she feels this way, just went with it. she struggles with her mental health and has been isolated from her irl friends due to the pandemic, and spends a lot of time online - she's said to me that it's the only thing that feels "real" to her. i feel like she's being indoctrinated. but if i say anything, i'll be the bad guy.
i don't know what to do.

No. 209127

>>209114
I'm sorry anon, that's a really difficult situation. Normally there's no harm experimenting with gendershit when you're young like that since you normally just grow out of it. I'd say just be neutral towards it unless she starts pushing for surgery. I'm not sure how receptive she'd be to a discussion about it? Like, maybe asking her why she chooses to identify in that way?

No. 209147

>>209086
This sounds sensible, thank you!! Yeah, I have a tendency to think in black and white

No. 209195

>>209103
>we all worry because he suddenly ghosts us for a week or a month
I don't even thnk 'slight autism' explains someone ghosting their long distance gf for a week to a month at a time. Plenty of tists can keep contact with people they care about so that's a poor excuse.

This just isn't a relationship. He is not capable of maintaining relationships so tbh.. take his power away by ending things yourself. There's no loss here.

No. 209336

One of my classes is pushing me towards a mental breakdown. It sounds stupid when I write it out like that, but when I was trying to submit the homework yesterday my mind blanked from fear and I couldn't write anything down, even for the questions I'd asked for help on in office hours. I could only complete like 20% of the assignment while in a state of complete panic. It also feels like that professor thinks I'm an idiot (not just me tbh), and going to his office hour yesterday made my anxiety about that class get so much worse. I've had hard courses with sort of dickish professors before, but even those profs would still give some sort of positive feedback and explanations when I asked them stuff, instead of just making me explain myself over and over and then talking over me when my answer wasn't perfect on the first try. I go to class, take notes, read the book, start the homework early and so on but it feels like nothing is working and all my knowledge just disappears whenever there's an assessment. I'm thinking of dropping the class, but I've missed the consequence-free drop deadline and another withdrawal is not going to look good on my transcript. On the other hand, I feel like I'm going to snap in the middle of the midterm if I continue like this, so I dom't know what to do anymore.

No. 209367

>>209336
Are there maybe other resources you could use aside from your professor? Like school tutors/study groups, TAs, other classmates? If not then it would probably be best to drop, a withdrawal would look better than a failed course and more importantly a dip in your overall school experience and well-being

No. 209393

I'm sorry if I sound retarded, I have no one else to ask.
I'm an 18 year old in the UK who's pretty autistic and I don't really have a family who helps me and no irl friends.
I have been a NEET for almost a year and I have no idea where to go from life now.
I don't think I want to go to Uni, but I honestly have no idea how to get a job.
I live in the countryside with little job opportunities.
I guess I'm just asking for general life advice, or perhaps job advice.
I feel like I'm just rotting away as a NEET and I don't know how to improve my life.
I know the first step is probably to get a job but as pathetic as it is to admit, I'm scared.

No. 209402

>>209114
maybe try to get her to spend a few months off tumblr and then see how she feels about the situation. show her some studies of mental health getting worse from time spent online. I'm sorry anon, I was raised on tumblr from like age 14 to 17 and it really is a toxic environment for teenagers

No. 209415

>>209393
New life phases are scary. If you have ok transportation where you live, look for jobs outside your town.

Look up resume examples and if you had any internships, short jobs, helped anywhere write it down.

It also took me a whole year to get my first shit job. It sucks but once you start it will get easier.

No. 209457

How/where would I find a therapist who isn't a troon panderer/ won't encourage the patient to troon out? Not for me, although the last time I was in therapy it was pretty annoying to bring up GC stuff and have her completely miss the point. I got past it enough to be able to get something out of it, but it was far from my first time in therapy so I knew how to make it work. I don't want the person in question having a bad first experience being vulnerable with a stranger.

No. 209461

>>209457
What are they seeking therapy for? Usually therapists will have specialties. If they seem to do everything then they're probably not a good fit. Find someone who specializes in the types of issues the person is seeking help with and doesn't seem to work with gender identity issues often enough to mention them.

No. 209462

>>209461
This is a GNC person with depression and hangups related to it among other things, I feel like it should be mentioned

No. 209469

>>209462
That's going to be tricky, then. Maybe look for a therapist who is a lesbian?

No. 209564

PLEASE HELP ME please I need help ASAP so this is going to be written really messily. I have really really bad anxiety (result of diagnosed CPTSD) to the point that I completley blank out on everything, I become physically ill and dissociate. I had this during my exams and I had to be escorted because I was breaking down in the exam hall. I am having the same now. We are a few months further now and I am trying to write my application for university. I have been trying for weeks now and I just have not been succeeding. I keep blanking. I have less than an hour to send in my personal statement. I have written some things but its not enough. I need help, any advice for things that could help right now to get me over this anxiety and mind block so i can write and send in something in lesss than an hour. I have such bad stomach ache it is so painful. please help me anything to get over this paralysing anxiety and pain and in the mindset to work

No. 209574

>>209564
anon I'm seeing this too late, did you at least send something ? Can you seek professional help ? I'm sending you all my encouragement nonnie, and I hope you are doing ok.

No. 209578

>>209564
maybe you shouldn't be in university until you can function better.

No. 209617

is selling clothes on depop/ebay a pain in the ass?

I have a huge clothing hoard, mostly of stuff I like but that I don't have room for, also need to move out and will definitely not have room for it then. I usually just dump my excess stuff off at thrift stores, but I am thinking of selling it. some of it is stuff I got at fred meyer/H&M/burlington etc. some of it is thrifted and some of it is higher quality like torrid and black craft. I just don't know if reselling it would be worth it though. I've never mailed anything in my life other than post cards, it seems like a hassle. I am also afraid of customers trying to scam me and stuff like that, which probably doesn't happen very often but I have still heard of it happening. I also have books I want to sell.

No. 209622

Ok so it's currently three in the morning and my neighbour is having a loud, weed-smoking gathering in his bedroom. The walls are very thin and obviously neither me or my partner can sleep through it. We only moved in a couple of weeks ago but a few things are putting me off sending a note or knocking to ask him to keep it down/move downstairs where we won't be able to hear him.
1. Their house is filthy - really dirty windows, weeds growing a foot high, cigarette butts all dropped at the front door.
2. He has women coming around in the middle of the night for these gatherings and I'm worried he might be paying them or something because why else would they willingly go into a house so obviously dirty.
Ergo I'm worried he's a weirdo and might take our asking him to keep it down as some kind of offence and go out of his way to make us miserable.
If you's were concerned similarly - would you just get a good pair of earplugs, write some nights off, and just endure it? That's what I'd prefer to do but my partner is pissed at the inconsideration and wants to send the note at the very least. Help

No. 209623

>>209564
Anon I'm seeing this late, but I wish I could've replied to you sooner. I hope you're doing better. I relate a lot to what you said, when I was going to school I had debilitating anxiety and would just space out, I could not retain any information and got in trouble a lot. I have to agree with the other anon that, for your own sake, you should reconsider attending university at this time. I know society says we have to graduate at a certain age, but that's not true at all and trying to force yourself will just be worse for you in the long run. You need to focus on your own health and finding ways of treatment for your anxiety.

No. 209624

>>209622
You're right that it is suspicious that a lot of women are cycling through, but they could be a bunch of ordinary potheads (maybe junkies too) just having smoke sessions. Leaving a note or confronting them directly (with your boyfriend, of course) is a good idea. If it escalates at all or they seem to take it the wrong way, I would recommend getting the police involved for at least the noise disturbances they've been causing. I'm not trying to scare you anon, but I was in a similar situation a few years back and it turned out the neighbor was running an illegal prostitution ring and some of the girls were underaged. This case probably (hopefully) isn't as extreme, but I would tread very carefully and be ready to get the police involved if anything bad happens.

No. 209644

How to get rid of the stressful and bad feeling inside me (especially chest)?
I run, meet up with friends and don't procrastinate but it doesn't help at all. Would meditation help? How do you make yourself feel better if you feel some sort of breakdown coming on?

No. 209645

>>209644
Do you know what the source of the bad feeling is?

No. 209646

>>209645
General events going on in my life that I can't remove from it. Stressful school, family issues, failed relationships and generally being an anxious person/a downer.

No. 209670

is it normal for a male doctor to pull your trousers and underwear down without asking? first he told me to pull my trousers down on the examination table. i asked "is that enough?" twice and he didn't answer my question but replied "relax, relax. do you know how to relax?" so i put my hands to the side thinking it was enough. unexpectedly he pulled my trousers and underwear down an embarrassing amount so my pubes were out and immediately started asking if i have a boyfriend and if i have sex while feeling around the bladder and groin areas for pain. i wish he would've asked those questions in the convo we'd just had when i was dressed and not laying

he'd been told by a receptionist what i was there for before the appointment (pain near the bladder) yet nobody else was in the room. the other four times this year i've visited during the busy pandemic a female nurse was either present or offered for touching tests. he said to stand up from the examination table and cough a few times. when i stood up my pubes were close in front of his face because he stayed in the examination table chair. according to google it's a hernia test and later he did say there wasn't a hernia unlike what he'd been thinking but i waited for "it's okay to pull everything back up because the tests are done" while we talked but he never let on. i only got the clue when he walked to the other seats. not trying to be dramatic since i'm obviously just another patient for him and poor etiquette is a thing. i was simply unprepared and need to know what to expect in the future

No. 209678

I suddenly have this bone-like bump under my right knee cap that hasn't gone away in two weeks. I thought it was Osgood-Schlatter disease, but I don't feel that much pain on it anymore. I normally love to show my legs so I'm feeling shitty about it.

No. 209689

>>209670
Eughhh please ask for a female nurse / doctor non.

No. 209690

File: 1634395782650.jpg (82.5 KB, 530x327, kill_him.jpg)

>>209670
nonnie, that can't be right.
>relax, relax. do you know how to relax
this part made my skin crawl, he knew you were anxious and he choose to act that way, fucking creep. I'm so sorry

No. 209691

>>209670
Sounds very inappropriate to me, I'd file a complaint personally. Also it's not your fault for being unprepared, you don't have to prepare anything unless it's on doctor's orders. It's not you who works in the medical field, he should've told you to pull up your pants ffs.

No. 209700

>>209670
That's definitely inappropriate, I've had the hernia test before and it wasn't like that. Maybe tell the practice if you feel like it.

Male doctors are so creepy and dismissive. I refuse to have any doctor be male, even my dentist.

No. 209775

I'm looking to lose maybe 10-15 pounds, but I'm just kind of clueless on how to lose weight successfully. I have lost weight in the past, but usually it was pretty unintentional and it would just happen because I was more busy so not eating as much, more active because of summer, etc. For farmers who have lost that much successfully in the past, were there any regimens or mindsets that really helped you? What did you do to keep yourself motivated?

No. 209780

>>209670
Gonna second the anon saying you should complain. He shouldn't have pulled your trousers down himself and shouldn't have asked those questions while examining you. Also sounds like there should have been a nurse present.

No. 209781

>>209775
Reduce calories only slightly, like 200 less a day, do that for like 6 months and you should lose weight and keep it off. Anything faster won't stay off.

No. 209794

>>205674
How do I humble a guy who is flirting with 90% of the friend group? Think of the type of guy who'd do that, yes, that's him.

I'm sick of him dodging the question of why, what the hell he wants, and why doesn't he think doing this shit won't blow up in his face.

No. 209795

>>209794
it doesn't matter? sounds like you have a crush.

No. 209813

How do I stop dumping my feelings on people I shouldn't dump them on? Alternatively, how do I pay less attention to my emotions in the first place?
If I feel upset or frustrated or sad I'm literally unable to ignore it and concentrate on anything else. I vented to my coworkers several times and in retrospect, it was a horrible idea. Also I have a tendency to dwell on the negative emotions in general while ignoring the positive ones

No. 209814

>>209794
>why
because it's fun

>what the hell he wants

to have fun but probably no strings attached/long term

>why doesn't he think doing this shit won't blow up in his face

he won't care because he just wants to have fun

Ime these type of guys only get serious once they meet the girl they want to make their wife and until then they only want to fool around with no regards for the feelings of the girls they flirt with.

No. 209854

>>209814
>only get serious once they meet the girl they want to make their wife
Kek yeah that's the scrote monologue "I wasn't serious cause no bitch was good enough" when in reality it's because they start getting fat, bald and diabetic and realize they can't hook up as easily so they try to lock down the first bangm- er, woman who'll raise their spawn once they hit the wall. They'll always be dogs no matter what woman they're with, they just "settle down" because they become less successful at being fuckboys

No. 209911

Nonas how can I tell my therapist I don't want to keep seeing her? She's not a bad therapist I guess but she's not amazing and she's very expensive. Also last session she forgot to mute her pc and a video started playing while she was talking to me, she got upset and started complaining about the sound turning itself on or sth but my guess is that she's been watching shit during my sessions. I don't really care to call her out or anything.

No. 209971

>>209911
You could maybe send her an email telling her that due to money/time constraints that you aren't able to continue with therapy anymore. If she's a good therapist, she'll understand and won't pressure you into continuing with her. You're the one who's paying her for services so you have every right to stop for any reason- and it doesn't have to be because she's a bad therapist. I think most therapists (if they're decent people) understand that it's about finding the right fit and that when people decide to stop treatment it's nothing personal- especially if you use the time/money excuse.

No. 209989

how do I gain weight? I am currently underweight and would like to gain around 14lb. I've lost weight over the last few months because of my loss of appetite, I also stopped eating so much junk food since it was upsetting my stomach. I've been eating healthier but healthier often means less fat. I've been told to eat healthy foods containing fat but the sheer amount I'd need to eat to gain weight seems too much for me since I have hardly any appetite and get full very quickly. I would just go back to eating cookies and other highly processed foods for the their fat but I really can't because of my health issues. any ideas or tips?

No. 209991

>>209989
Eat nuts, healthy fats and just a small handfull is a large amount of calories. Just keep them with you (in your bag or on your desk or something) and snack on them throughout the day.

No. 209992

>>209989
Use butter, heavy cream if you drink coffee, etc. Eat red meat too. Don't be so afraid to avoid saturated fats, they are played off as bad for you but the real unhealthy fats are trans fat and garbage cheap vegetables oils you find in most processed foods. What helped me the most was eating very calorie-dense food such as cheese, nut butters (natural if you can get them, with no extra added oils), steak, avocados, dark chocolate, full fat greek yogurt (you can add stuff to it to make it more palatable).

No. 209993

>>209992
Also forgot to mention, if you like eating vegetables, I like tossing them in extra virgin olive oil and plenty of parmesan. It's a good way to add calories since vegetables are naturally very low in them.

No. 210049

I’m writing an essay for school about differing perspectives on a topic. I don’t mean to cause any offense because I thought it’d be an interesting topic to write about, but I chose reclaiming objectification. How some women view it as empowering and others don’t. It’s not an argumentative essay, it’s simply a neutral stance describing other people’s perspectives. I sincerely wish I had chose something else.

My main issue is that one of my main points is that some women reclaim/define their objectification and sexuality because they believe we live in a puritanical culture. I don’t know where to find recent examples of this, even though I know there should be plenty. Please help.

No. 210050

>>209992
based PUFA truther

No. 210051

File: 1634621444539.png (783.52 KB, 900x600, 1537636788008.png)

help i kinda catfished my online crush. i wear makeup in all my selfies and i photoshop them and use good angles and lighting because im insecure and dont want people to think im ugly, so i look pretty different in my selfies compared to irl. but thats what my male friend thinks i look like. but then we started developing feelings eachother and we are a 'thing' now but not dating. but he says we should meet up in the future and idk what to do. i wouldnt have catfished him if i knew this would happen. i dont know how he'll react or what he would do if he found out. He might be disappointed in me and reject me. i do want to meet up with him but if i do, i feel like i would have to tell him the truth first, but im too scared. i feel ugly and insecure and pathetic but i like him so much now i hate myself for doing this. i dont know what to do

No. 210053

>>210051
Do you look that different?

No. 210054

>>210051
i probably shouldve put this in the relationship advice thread instead sorry

No. 210055

>>210053
yea the pictures look like me just significantly prettier than how i actually look

No. 210058

>>210055
It's honestly really hard to tell if you're a legit catfish without seeing for ourselves. If you look like the girls on /r/instagramreality then yes there will be a problem. But if you have low self esteem and zero in on flaws to fix that normal people wouldn't notice, it's probably no big deal. Everyone knows that filtered selfies in flattering lighting are gonna make you look better, it might not be that big of a surprise.

Start taking some less flattering/more realistic photos before you meet, to ease him into finding out what you really look like. That way it won't be less of a shock and hopefully you become less reliant on Photoshop etc.

No. 210061

>>210051
Anon if you shoop your photos really badly you're going to have to come clean to him. I know that sounds incredibly hard, but trust me, it's better to confess than to have him meet you, see what you really look like, and then have it be all awkward. Plus it's better to find someone who likes you for who you are, no matter what you look like. Who knows, maybe he'll accept your apology and still be cool, even if you do look different than your photos, but even if he doesn't, it's better to confess this now than to let it get out of hand. If your photos aren't that badly edited, do what this anon said >>210058 and start taking a tad more realistic photos so he doesn't get whiplash.

No. 210072

>>205674
How do i do an exam whilst I’m feverish and full of mucus? Can I wake myself up enough to concentrate?

No. 210088

I wanna leave my job and move out of my parents house. I have a good amount of money saved up to go somewhere for a while but I honestly don’t know what to do once I get there. I was thinking about going back to college since I never finished but idk what I would major in. It sounds dumb but I just wanna go someplace quiet where I can be independent and find what to do with my life.

No. 210095

>>210088
you could try to live nearish to a public university, either in a city or a big rural campus, that way after you're there long enough to get in state tuition (usually a year) you can just take random classes that you like whenever you feel like it/have the time.

No. 210110

>>210088
Seconding >>210095 try to find a community college that can transfer credits to a university. Take your basics if you still need them and take any random classes that interest you. When you decide on a major, transfer out and you'll have some credits that you can apply toward your degree so it won't take you long to earn it.

No. 210119

How do I stop being constantly negative?
I grew up in a household where the emotional atmosphere was really negative and my mom was constantly complaining about stuff. I honestly didn't even noticed that I'm doing the same until someone pointed it out. For me positive and negative comments are sort of the same and carry the same weight. Looking back, in most of my conversations I complain or just simply focus on the negative things but without noticing that I'm being negative, it's just a habit. How do I change this?

No. 210126

>>210119
Maybe try gratitude journaling? Basically it's just to write about what you're grateful for. Just a few sentences at the end of your day, it may help you become more aware of positive things and to see and remember them during the day as well.

No. 210128

>>210126
Seconding. Journaling in journal has helped me with this.

No. 210187

having a mental health crisis so I want to call in sick to work, but we are short staffed and I'm scared of being berated for leaving them in the lurch or being coaxed into coming in. how can I phrase it in a way that would stop this from happening? I don't work around food so using vomiting as an excuse won't work

No. 210229

>>210187
say you have a family emergency and don't elaborate or diarrhea

No. 210268

I've fallen ill because I haven't been sleeping nor eating well and I've had a lot of stress about financial problems and other things. My mother is a bit abusive and she doesn't let me eat her food. I'm working on getting a job but it has been demanding all of my energy not to fall sick and apart, so I don't have an income yet. I've been quite depressed and living around my mother without eating enough is very difficult, so I am just feeling on my lowest energy and sick the whole time. I just can't afford to move or help myself yet. I've been spending time at random guys and my grandparents house, but the former are busy now of course and the latter are getting tired of me. How do I get my shit together. I feel so sick I can't do anything but I really have to get better. Sorry for random writing my head hurts

No. 210340

>>210187
Gastrointestinal distress or emergency appointment.

No. 210458

What do you guys recommend keeping in your purse? I just bought a nice leather handbag and medium sized backpack for work and I know that will keep pads, lip balm and handcream in the bags. I going to sew a little bag to keep them all in one place.

No. 210461

>>210458
I always have a travel size brush and some tooth picks

No. 210462

my friend is black pilled on being ugly and overweight and I have no idea how to help her. for a while she was working out, eating healthy and dressing better but it hasn’t been enough. she hates seeing herself in the mirror or photos and no matter what I say. i think bc she’s been bullied for being ugly so her image problems run deep. i dont want her to give up but since she knows she’s not conventionally pretty anything supportive I say sounds like a lie. or is hurtful if I tell the truth. wtf do I do for her

No. 210614

File: 1634953635259.jpeg (451.2 KB, 1683x2048, 9C117DEA-76E6-41B4-8649-8CD36D…)

Am I hot?(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 210615

>>210614
If this is really you, you're an absolute retard for posting your face here. If this is someone else, you're still an absolute retard for vendetta posting here.

No. 210618

>>210614
you're either genessesxo which makes you a dumbass or you really hate her kek

No. 210620


No. 210622


No. 210640

File: 1634977200637.jpg (23.37 KB, 564x564, 1615180380637.jpg)

I recently found out that some angry moid made a false profile with my real identity (my real name as the username, a photo of me as a child as the icon) on a furry site and followed some gross fetish work. I put in a report with the website which will hopefully ban the account (maybe not, maybe they won't consider it a problem) but it will most likely still come up under searches online. I had no idea about this but it's been there for several months (I don't google my name much).
I'm not sure if I should try to scrub this from the internet somehow or even HOW to do so if the site doesn't ban the account. I've heard of ways to contact different search engines or something but I'm not sure if it works. It also concerns me because I'm job hunting and I'm scared employers are looking me up only to find gross furry fetish art.
Does anyone know how the fuck to get rid of this off the internet? Can I possibly put in some kind of complaint with proof that I'm the real person and this was made maliciously? It doesn't contain any form of dox besides my name+face (which I really wouldn't want on a furry site anyways, I consider that an invasion of privacy). I'm still desperate to get it off the internet though because of trying to get a job. I don't know what the fuck to do

No. 210642

>>210640
I assume your main concern is Google since that's the most used search engine.
>Personal information that Google will remove
>Remove “doxxing” content - content exposing contact information with an intent to harm
>Remove images of minors from Google search results

Just click on the reason you want to get the stuff removed for and it'll lead to an article with further instructions on how to do that.
https://support.google.com/websearch/troubleshooter/3111061?hl=en

If you do manage to get it deleted from that website itself but it still shows up in the google search results, there's also a link to a tool that will notify Google of the outdated content so they can update it.

No. 210643

>>210642
samefag, I haven't read the articles carefully so I don't actually know if you meet the requirements for removl, but at least take a look at it.

No. 210646

>>210642
>>210643
Thanks anon, though surprisingly the site doesn't seem to show up in Google after tons of different frantic search inquiries on my part (I'm somewhat concerned it might somehow, but it doesn't at the moment). Google's guidelines state there has to be "proof" of malicious intent such as threats, so I don't even know that I could remove it if it were there, because who's to say someone faking my identity to attach disgusting furry fetish art to my name is truly malicious in a stranger's eyes. It's on both Bing and DuckDuckGo and I can't even find a removal request for DuckDuckGo and can't find one for malicious stuff on Bing, just outdated. I'm praying that potential employers just won't bother using Bing or DuckDuckGo but I just want the whole thing gone. I'm hoping having the page banned (if the site complies) will be enough to at least get rid of the furry PORN aspect, it'll just show my username as a banned user on a furry site which is slightly less bad…

No. 210647

>>210646
Maybe you can at least get the image removed from the server it's hosted on? If you can get it removed from the server, it'll no longer show up on the website. Not sure how to do that but try looking into it.

I found this contact for removal under privacy laws for DDG: removalrequest@duckduckgo.com
Have you tried that yet? I wouldn't get my hopes up but it's worth a shot..

No. 210741

I am very vulnerable and live in an abusive household. This is going to be long but I have to share everything.

Out of curiosity I downloaded a dating app recently and didn't think much of it. I met a nice guy from there and we went on a date. I've never had a boyfriend before, so I didn't know what to expect. He started touching me really quickly. He started holding my hand within the first half an hour of the date and then tried to kiss me. I said no and became really embarrassed. I apologised and explained my inexperience. I also explained how physical affection is overwhelming to me because I'm not used to it. I thought it went a bit fast and was confused, but I also doubted myself since I didn't know much about dates anyway. Maybe this was the norm. Finally, I didn't go away, because I was so happy to receive attention and affection. I've been hurting a lot. Even though I know it's a bad thing to do, I went to his house with him because I was hungry and knew there wouldn't be food for me at home. I also knew there would be anger and violence at home, so why did it even matter? Now I was at least with someone who paid attention to me. I was very happy to be taken care of. Eventually we kissed. I was very scared but I allowed it. I was scared to say no and I was happy to be pleasing him. So we went to his room and made out more. I ended up crying because everything described above. I never wanted things to go like this. I want to kiss and experience these things with someone I value, not a stranger I had met some hours ago. He comforted me and understood. I couldn't do much anyway, though. If I'd leave, I'd face a lot of turmoil at home, so I stayed over. I hugged him and made use of the situatuon. I repressed everything bad and tried to enjoy him holding me at night. I feel very terrible about the entire situation, because it actually isn't normal to be so touchy and move so fast on a first date. He is very intense too and we have been seeing each other every day since then. He lets me stay over, which I make a lot of use of to escape my household. But the problem is that I am very intense too. I am very clingy and needy, because I have very bad attachment issues. So I don't know how to respond to this. I know it is bad and a lot of it feels bad, but a lot of it also really helps. Sometimes I notice really strongly how my inner child is dominating. Overall, to me, it is clear from my behaviour that I have very family problems which lead me to behave like a clingy and scared child. I feel so happy holding his hand and being taken to the grocery store and getting to choose dinner, and I feel so happy sitting on his lap and asking him to bounce me up and down, and I feel so comforted telling him about my passions and not being ignored, and I feel so at ease working on papers with him sitting next to and encouraging me. But these are very obviously needs I have of my parents being fulfilled. On one occasion after I made him orgasm, this hit me the hardest. I'm well aware that this is how my psychology works for now, but especially in that moment it just depressed me. I did all of those sexual things for him, because I just wanted to hear him say I did well. I just wanted approval. I just want to be loved. I just want my parents to love me. I just want to be safe. I just want to be enough. I'm a little girl in a young adult body and I'm ashamed, and frustrated. I feel suck and horrible to be struggling so much. I cried again, of course. I said that maybe it would be best for us to not see each other again, since I don't think he can provide me with what I need. He said it is of course my choice, but that he wants to make things work and that he really likes me. All of this happened over the span of a week, by the way. I explained to him how I just want someone to hold me and pat my head and tell me I did well, especially in such a moment. He did these things immediately after and he did show a lot of effort and interest, also over the following days, and it hasn't ceased. This also made me like him more, of course. He cares, he is invested, he is available. He takes care of me. But I worry this still is wrong and dangerous. I just struggle to tell because my mind is clouded and I also long for someone who lets me be clingy to them. I just don't know what to do or think of this situation. I am already in therapy and have asked for more treatment since I hate living like this. I'm awaiting a response. I am interacting with men despite my vulnerability because I feel miserable at home and I can't afford to leave yet. I just cannot, and I am a legal adult now, and nothing my Parent does is severe enough to warrant social services to become involved.

No. 210742

>>210741
By the way, I am quite positive it isn't love bombing and can explain why if needed. But for the rest, I still want to understand better and figure out what to do. I'm too scared to say no or break up or let go. It seems like the answer is right in front of me. I'm just scared. I don't want to stop sleeping over and cuddling, but I also do. I can't see it like a normal, healthy relationship if it keeps going this way, but I don't know how else to see it. I want what we're doing, because I want the attention and affection and love, but I don't, because it goes very fast and a lot of my boundaries were crossed and it makes me uncomfortable and suspicious, but I do still want this because I want the love, but I don't, but I do. Does this make any sense? I should just bite the bullet and lose some of the comfort if it means I can be more comfortable and find someone who respects me enough to court me, but maybe there is hope? And I don't want to lose the easy access to these nice warm safe things… But isn't that also what I'm afraid of that he is doing? I am critical of him seeing me as someone who is easy access. But I am easy access… I'm writing all of this so you can follow along with my thinking process, because I feel very alone in this.

No. 210746

>>210640
what the fuck Im so sorry to hear that! what >>210642 said but also I really hope it works out for you and you get a great job nonnie.
Furries are a disease, a plague on the world. All they do is fuck animals and each other to death with STDS (thank GOD). My BFF was harrassed by furries online for months four years ago just because she went off on a furry throwing soiled diapers EVERYWHERE so anyway I feel you nonnie

No. 210751

>>210741
>>210742
Anon, first I want to say I relate a lot to you. I have and had attachment issues and even did some of the things you did with random strangers because I wanted affection and love. I lived in an abusive home too and was in a similar situation.

>He started holding my hand within the first half an hour of the date and then tried to kiss me. I said no and became really embarrassed.

None of this is normal, this whole situation is not normal or healthy. That guy trying to kiss you and holding your hand on the first date wasn't normal, he was testing his boundaries to see what he could do. Normal first dates are you getting to know someone to see if you'd be compatible with each other, or if you even like each other. Unless you're just looking for a fuckbuddy to use, you don't do all that with someone within a week of knowing them.
>I want to kiss and experience these things with someone I value, not a stranger I had met some hours ago. He comforted me and understood.
Ok, if he understood then why would he then go on to make out with you? If he respected you enough to take heed of what you said, he wouldn't go on to push anything sexual on you. But it's already very clear what his true motivations are.
>But the problem is that I am very intense too. I am very clingy and needy, because I have very bad attachment issues. So I don't know how to respond to this.
A good way to respond to this is by ending the relationship all together, or at the very least putting some distance between you two. By continuing to see him, you're just encouraging all your bad habits and allowing yourself to get hurt. If you want to try to have a healthy relationship, set boundaries for yourself.
>I explained to him how I just want someone to hold me and pat my head and tell me I did well, especially in such a moment. He did these things immediately after and he did show a lot of effort and interest, also over the following days, and it hasn't ceased.
The true reason why he did this is to keep you attached to him, so he can keep using you for free pleasure. As soon as you expressed your desire to leave, because you deep down knew how deeply wrong this whole situation is, he turned up the affection to make you stay. I know you said it isn't love-bombing, but if he truly cared about you he would respect your decisions and leave you to make your own choices.
>He cares, he is invested, he is available.
I'm sorry, but no he is not. If he was all those things, he wouldn't continue to sexually pursue you. A man who cares about you wouldn't repeatedly take advantage of you or your vulnerability to pursue his selfish desires.

Let me ask you to do something anon: imagine your situation in your head, but instead of giving him sexual favors, imagine you're giving him money instead. He's telling you he cares about you, wants to pursue you, but he's only saying that because you're giving him free cash. Do you still think he's not taking advantage of you? I would even go as far as to say that it'd be better if you were giving him money, because your body is priceless and you're just giving it away for free. I'll stop and spell it out clearly instead: he is taking advantage of your vulnerability and need for affection. This isn't love, this is him taking advantage of you so you can do, from what it sounds, sexual favors for him. I know you don't like being at your parent's house, but if you value yourself you need to drop this "relationship". The reason why he said he likes you is because he found someone he can exploit freely without boundaries. It sounds like you already knew this though, but like you said, you're scared to let go of the comfort he brings you. It's okay to be scared, but this is something that will hurt you in the long run. I'm sorry anon, it sounds harsh but it's true. I just don't want you to be hurt like this, it made me sick reading what this man has done. The first step to healing is acknowledging the wrong that has been done to you, and then establishing boundaries so you won't be treated badly any more.

There are other ways you can escape your abusive home environment without resorting to doing sexual favors for sick men like this. You said you're a legal adult, I don't know your situation, but do you think you can get a job or anything? It would help you save money to eventually leave this abusive home. If you're doing schooling, maybe you could join a club or something of the sort to keep you out of the house.

No. 210752

>>210741
Anon, have you looked into emergency housing? Or women's shelters? I don't know if that's a thing where you are, but if you haven't yet look into it. Getting out of your abusive household is priority 1. I have no other advice because I think a professional should handle something as severe as this.

No. 210906

File: 1635179273861.jpg (101.3 KB, 839x1200, EXcutVVXYAIt8CG.jpg)

How do I become more independent and depend less on other people emotionally? And maybe become less emotional overall?

I noticed most of my relationships tend to follow a similar pattern where, as time passes, I start feeling increasingly helpless and I start dumping my emotional problems on others and not think about whether it's their responsibility to solve them or not. The problem is, I always realize I'm doing this thing again after I have done it, not during (or before)

No. 210939

>>210741
I wish I could save you instead.

No. 210972

>>210906

>become less emotional overall?

I've come to learn that there's no use fighting emotions. You cant force an unfeeling person to suddenly care about people. Likewise you cant force less emotion upon yourself when they spring forward uncontrollably.

Consider emotionality a part of your personality, but not who you are. Emotions are something that happen to you, not the definition of you. If you want to make less of a burden on people, just try to process it first yourself before talking about it. For example: you're stressed and angry… Consider it as stress and anger happening to you and try to take a deep breath and really thing about the source of these feelings. Then when you talk to someone about it, come to them with a path to a solution already in mind, so that they see that you're holding yourself up and don't expect them to do all the work. So next time something's pissing you off, it'll go something like "I've been feeling upset because of ____, and I really don't wanna feel this way and am trying to do something about it. I think talking things through with you helps a lot." This alone makes people want to support you more, when there's no hopelessness and complete dependency to your handling of problems.

No. 210991

I got into an accident a week ago that could very well have been deadly, or a least have crippled me: I could have lost an ear, an eye or both, fingers, toes, or could have gotten my neck slashed or literally any other body part, I could have had my skull cracked open. But instead I got unbelievably lucky and got away with only 50 stitches or so on fatty parts, not even a muscle or tendons were touched even though the cuts are really deep.
Since then I can't stop dwelling on it, I know I'm safe now but it was such incredible luck, I feel so thankful but I don't know what or who to thanks (apart from the people who were so quick to react and help me). I've never been religious or even spiritual, I'm not even superstitious, but I since the accident I have this feeling I can't shake that I owe something really big, and I have no idea how to repay it. I feel so insignificant, the whole thing is beyond me, I feel permanently on edge. What can I do?

No. 210995

>>210991
It's just an idea, maybe it's silly, but considering you're not religious or spiritual, maybe you can "repay" by doing good deeds? Like volunteering somewhere. It'll be like passing on the good that has happened to you onto others.

No. 211008

>>210991
Anon I'm so happy you made it out okay. That is very incredibly lucky and I could see why you might be feeling these things. Maybe read about different religions and try exploring a little bit. But like the other anon said, trying to "give back" or share the goodness you received would be a cool idea too. Something religious and somewhat related to your experience that comes to mind is that, in Christianity, the apostle John was boiled in oil by Roman persecutors and survived. He was then exiled to the island of Patmos and that is where he wrote the Book of Revelation (Revelation 1:9). So maybe like how it was God's will for John to live, it was also His will that you would live too.

No. 211019

>>210995
I like the "pay it forward" idea, op should consider it!

No. 211381

File: 1635502487525.jpg (9.6 KB, 598x175, FB_IMG_1629719013462.jpg)

I desperately need to cut off a toxic group of friends. some of the group are fine as individuals, but their problem is they're gossipy and spineless when the bully ringleader is psychologically torturing people. I went through a really rough period in my life a few years ago where I was doing a lot of drugs, sleeping around, drinking to blackout, and was raped by an acquaintance, and he still likes to bring it up in really subtle ways to make me feel like shit, and makes jokes about my having been raped. I shouldn't have to put up with that, but I'm scared that if I cut them off obviously and antagonistically that he will tell everyone a lot of my deepest secrets (which he has found out from the other people in the group). I don't want to risk my boyfriend finding out about a lot of uncomfortable slutty stuff from my past, but I can't keep making myself miserable by hanging around with these people. how do I sever myself from them safely?

No. 211384

>>211381
Oof that’s a toughie anon, sorry you have to deal with this. In what circumstances are you interacting with these people? Are you studying/working together? If so try getting friendly with other members of your staff/cohort, maybe joint a club or sports team so that when you get some distance between yourself and these people, you’ll have other social groups to fall back on. If you hang out through other circumstances, just ease yourself out of the friend group or at the very least bail on plans that the ringleaders going to be at. I honestly wouldn’t bother with any of them at this point. Even the ones you were honest and vulnerable with aren’t worth the trouble, seeing as they’re the ones who spilled your secrets to this guy.

Now in terms of your boyfriend, it sucks but if you are worried about this guy spilling your details to him, I say tell him first. If you’re serious about you and your bf and having a future together it’s probably a conversation you’re going to have eventually. If he accepts your past that’s great, if he doesn’t then you don’t have to spend any more time worrying about how he’s going to react and the secrets hanging over your head. All the best.

No. 211396

File: 1635518425624.jpg (33.4 KB, 510x680, Tumblr_l_1568641992663376.jpg)

How do you deal with someone being constantly negative?


I have to live with my mother and can't move out due to high rent prices and because I lost my job a month ago. No matter what I do or don't I get shit from her and everything is always my fault even if I'm not at home. We almost don't communicate because she doesn't care about anything I have to say, only her own topics. It always been like thins but at least I had my father to talk to and kind of protected me from her. Now he's gone and I'm constantly targeted.

I'm always on edge because I never know what little thing will set her off. I dread any day that she's at home because I don't know what to do with myself or ehere to go so I don't trigger another tongue lashing.

The last two years have been shit in every way possible - lost my dad, uncle, best friend, fucked up my knee, lost my job, didn't get into the course I applied for and my mental health is far from stellar. Thought I'd get another piercing to distract and cheer myself up but now I can only think about how much shit I'll get from her if I do it. Or if I do/get anything that I like and she doesn't. I don't have the mental strength to do this anymore

No. 211401

File: 1635524721338.jpg (30.47 KB, 513x612, istockphoto-1208392037-612x612…)

>>211396
In HS my mom would get really wigged out about my exams & especially the AP tests and just could not stop herself from "checking in" five times a day and asking why I wasn't studying right that very second when I was trying to relax and de-stress myself.

I basically just started "going for a walk" whenever she started up like that because I couldn't handle her stressing me out about stuff that I was already stressed about. I would just stand up & out the door like "I'm going to CVS bye".

As a technique it works well because it reminds them that you don't HAVE to sit there while they talk. You are an adult who is allowed to do whatever. It's kind of like a reverse time-out: it's saying "If I can't deal with you, I'm going to remove myself for both our sakes." Just leave for like an hour or so, come back with nothing but a bottle of water or a packet of dried fruit (something mild & uncriticizable), or if there's no stores you can walk to, just collect some flowers & rocks or w/e. This is important to show that you aren't trying to "punish" them, you're just trying to stay sane for yourself and live your life.

They may go tf off when you come back, but you can just go right out again. When you walk out the door, and they're left alone in a silent house, they can't help but feel bad for driving you away. Unless they're a full on narc but in that case it's hopeless anyway and you just have to get out.

No. 211411

>>211401
Thank you anon! I usually go to my room but going for a walk might be better for my mental health and also leave a stronger impact

No. 211414

this is maybe not the best thread for my question but my bestie's birthday is coming up and i have no idea what to get her. what are some nice cozy gifts i can get her? she doesn't really have any specific interests that i can think of aside from reading, she's pretty normie. i'm willing to spend 100+ dollars

No. 211415

>>211414
Blanket, custom made bookmark, mug? Stuff like that?

No. 211419

File: 1635536331771.jpg (112.35 KB, 794x596, il_794xN.1990521837_3fdi.jpg)

>>211414
How about a custom handmade plaid from Etsy in her favourite/interior colours and maybe her name? I think that's super cozy during fall/winter on the couch with a good book.

No. 211420

File: 1635536354662.jpg (101.04 KB, 794x529, il_794xN.2498802433_3krn.jpg)


No. 211421

>>211419
i love that idea, thank you nona

No. 211427

Nonas, I need your advice/thoughts.

The cliché reddit reply to what I’m going to describe would be "get new friends". I’m in my late 20s, I work a 60 hour week and I have a hard time connecting with people, so that’s not really an option which is why I think you guys will understand me better.

All my attempted acts of kindness, favors and communal contributions seem to either get overlooked or taken for granted – not by toxic friends who never have a good thing to say about anyone, but by friends who actually always tell each over how much they appreciate them and their contributions to the friend group. Just not me.

This has been happening for years now. At first, I thought it’s because I’m not being grateful enough myself, so I’ve been making a conscious effort to express my (honest) positive feelings towards others for almost 5 years now. I’m glad I did it, because it’s a positive change, but it didn’t improve my situation at all.

I don’t want to be that person who passive-aggressively goes on and on about the things they did nobody ever asked them to do expecting praise – everyone else in my friend group gets the appreciation unprompted. Of course I don’t do nice things to get a pat on the back. But it does sting when you watch someone get showered in appreciation for the same thing you did two weeks ago without anyone noticing.

If there wasn’t such a culture of borderline excessive appreciation in my friend group, I honestly wouldn’t mind. I’d simply do the things I do not expecting anything in return. It’s the fact that I’m being treated differently, not the lack of appreciation itself, that bothers me.

So far, I came up with four possible explanations for why this is happening:

1. It’s all in my head, my perception is skewed and I instantly forget when somebody is appreciative of something I did. I really tried to pay attention to that throughout the past months. It might not be as extreme as I think, but I don't think I'm completely making it up – though I can’t say for sure.
2. I don’t do nearly as much as I think I do / everyone else does far more and I’m too self-centered to notice
3. For some reason, people don’t notice the things I do / I’m „invisible“
And 4. – the worst option – they do see what I do and they are low-key annoyed by it, think I’m a pushover or simply don’t like me. I’ve been bullied in the past and I tend to be the "nobody’s best friend"-friend in every social setting, so I guess that’s a very real possibility. I just don’t know what to do if that’s the case.

No. 211429

>>211427
I think you're overthinking this. You're being treated differently, maybe it's because you're different. You said your friends are excessively appreciative, but are you? You said you've been trying to show your appreciation, but do you express that in a way that they understand? Do you outwardly express joy for the times they have praised you and included you, or do you tend to shy away from being the center of attention? Are the things you're doing for their attention really that noteworthy? Do you bring the favors you're doing to their attention and letting them know you're going out of your way for them, or do you just hope that they'll notice you? And have you considered that people aren't machines who spit out the same reaction to the same things over and over?

No. 211436

>>211427
Well, anon, I'm going to say that it's not just in your head, at all. I'm going to take your word that you show your gratitude when needed, and that you are overlooked in the group. There's a reason you feel that way! The best way to find out, imo, is to talk to them. If they are being evasive, try to make you feel that it's all in your head (again, this), or attempt to make you think you're somehow not doing it right, kinda like the poster above, well… I'll be blunt with you: they may be treating you differently on purpose, so that you notice, get the hint and stop bothering them. I know it sucks, and it may not be your fault at all - you simply don't belong in that group, and vice versa, that group is not for you! I know you are concerned about being friendless, but is the current state really the way to go?
Focus on yourself. It will be hard at first, but use your free time, as little as it is, to pick up a hobby. You will meet people, eventually. But you have some growing up to do, so focus on yourself first. It's not that bad being alone. Being alone is not the same as being lonely; I would feel more lonely being surrounded by people who make me feel less worthy than what I know I am …

No. 211437

Hi, I have a question.

How would you deal with people who put down others in a subtle way to feel better about their lack of productivity, are irresponsible messes and lack maturity?
I have met some people like this (3 people or so) and, logically, I don't get close to them on my own. But sometimes they are part of a much larger group of acquaintances or friends, so I have to interact with them.
I have always thought I could handle them, but I usually get played by them and, honestly, it's impossible to deal with these types. You may think they are stupid and you can control them, but they are very clever and have ways to mess with you and manage to paint themselves as victims at the end of it all. They have been irresponsible inmature people for a long time, so they know what they're doing!
The worst part is that you can't really talk to the rest of the group about it, because that person is friends with everyone (even if they are not well-liked or popular) and usually people don't like it when you talk badly about people in their group.

I guess the way to deal with those situations would be:
1. avoid underestimating them, even if they act like three year old toddlers.
2. ignoring them completely and refusing to help them/hang out with them (by making excuses) even if it's just something small.

Any other tips, anons? Wanna share your experiences and how you dealt with them?

No. 211439

>>211437
Samefag, but when I say "control", I mean handle them so they don't bother you that much and they don't get you involved in their messes, while at the same time interacting and working with them. It doesn't work at all, because they are usually very unpredictable and inmature, so you can't really work with them.

No. 211440

Can anyone recommend an epilator or tell me more about them? I've never used one before and want to get one that's not a flimsy POS and obviously gets the job done right.

No. 211442

>>211440
It's a while since I've used one but I do remember that Braun is a good brand for them. If you've only ever shaved before then you might find the first few goes quite hard but you get better at tolerating the sting of it. You have to allow a small amount of growth between sessions. You move it in circular motions iirc and sometimes it takes a few passes over to get every hair.

No. 211444

>>211437
I don't understand what you're describing honestly. Give a concrete example of their behavior.

No. 211447

I don't know if I should seek an autism diagnosis. I've been very socially awkward my whole life and have had mental health issues (cutting, starving) luckily things have improved for me but I still struggle to act/feel normal. Some of my behaviours are associated with autism, I tend to obsess over my interests and talk about them constantly. I talk less now though because I was told that I was annoying and became more self aware. I also have a lot of routines I like to do in a specific way, although I did try to stop doing this as much because it caused me a lot of stress when things didn't happen the way I wanted. I never used to look people in the eye but I started to try to do it to appear more normal. There's a few other things but I don't want to make this too long. I'm questioning if I should seek an autism diagnosis because I'm not sure if these are signs I'm autistic or I was just socialised really badly. My sister is also socially awkward and struggles to make friends so I don't know if its just how we were raised. I want to resolve this because I'm afraid that I might lose opportunities or suffer in the future because of my behaviours, and my mental health isn't great currently.

No. 211449

>>211444

Examples of their behaviour would be:
>showing them your work (for example, a video or drawing you made) and them saying: "oh, that's nothing".
>telling them nicely you wrote some fanfiction not long ago and them asking if it was a "fanfic or a badfic".
>asking for something, and the moment you don't give it to them, they throw a tantrum and get pissed off.
>taking advantage of others' help.
>cancel a meeting last minute when you already got to the meeting place.
>not being responsible for their mistakes and making up half-assed excuses.
>thinking the world revolves around them.
>trying to gaslight you or your group of friends into thinking they are the victims and you are the one at fault whenever you fight with them.

Last example is the one that worries me the most, because I always end up getting pissed off at these types of people, so I call them out for it. Then, they try to gaslight our common friends into thinking they are innocent and I'm the bad guy. It's awful. I just want to know how to handle these people, because even tho they usually act stupid and are very inmmature, they know how to mess with you. I guess ignoring them it's the way, no matter what, even if you pity them or whatever, just don't pay attention to them at all.
Fuck I just remembered today I dreamed everyone hated me and today was also the day I confronted the moid that behaves just like this. Maybe it's a premonition. oh god, why.

No. 211452

>>211447
these are all textbook symptoms of autism and masking (especially common in women). I can't diagnose you and idk if a diagnosis would help (since there are no meds for autism), but cognitive therapy might help you with the things you already started working on on your own.

No. 211486

>>211440
>tell me more about them
They hurt like shit. Imagine waxing but 50x worse, with occasional bleeding afterwards (or maybe my skin is just sensitive, idk)

No. 211487

>>211427
I don't think it's all in your head, although your perception is probably a bit skewed. Within a lot of friend groups, there's always a person who is treated differently than others. I've been that person before and the only way I can begin to explain it is that you don't 'fit in' with them, so they don't treat you like the others when you do something nice. I don't know if that's the case but I know people can be like that. They're in the wrong for treating you differently for no reason, and if you can, it would be good for you to find friends that appreciate you. If you can't though, this might sound really bitchy but maybe you shouldn't do as much for them if they don't even appreciate it. Im not saying you should stop being nice but don't go to so much effort for them if they don't show you the same kindness.

No. 211492

>>211440
They're really LOUD, like if you have roommates, you won't be able to use it discreetly while others are at home. I didn't realize that when I first bought mine. Also get one that's wireless and can be used in the shower, it's less painful when your skin is warmed up by the hot water. Also keep in mind that not all models are ideal for body AND bikiniline/face (although some come with a second smaller epilator especially for those sensitive areas).

No. 211520

Sisters, please don't judge. Is it weird to cuddle with your brother? I'm 21, my brother is 24. I don't see anything wrong with it but I wouldn't tell about it to anyone IRL for some reason.

No. 211522

>>211520
Family dynamics and social norms vary so much that it's hard to just outright judge, what country are you in?

I haven't cuddled my brother since before either of us entered puberty I think.

No. 211525

>>211520
Cuddling like putting your arm around him on the couch or cuddling like spooning in bed?

No. 211529

>>211520
That's weird. Would never do that with mine.

No. 211548

>>211520
Like other anons said, it depends where you're from. I cuddle with my brothers too.

No. 211552

>>211440
A tip if you end up buying one: after using it (only on the lower half of my legs, it's what I can tolerate), I like to put some rubbing alcohol on a cotton pad, you know the round, flat ones, and press it gently over the traumatized area, all over. I find this helps with the stinging, and it makes sense to do it since the pores are open from the hairs being plucked. Oh, and I only ever use it after a shower, I find that to be the most effective. Also second the fact that Braun is a good brand, I have had mine for some time and it works well.

No. 211556

I don't wear make up and I don't know shit about it, I'm not even sure what a foundation is supposed to do. I wore make up like four times in my entire life and it was always made by someone else, and I always had allergic reactions afterwards, like red rash under my eyes and on my cheeks. Besides, my face is neotenous and kinda androgynous, and I thought that I looked like a young boy trying to look like a female kek. I literally felt that I looked like a tranny. I looked more femininine without all that stuff on my face. Maybe the people who made my make up werent't skilled enough to know what fits my features, idk. I don't plan on learning how to do make up myself, but if I ever wanted to wear it for some special ocassion, should I just go to a professional make up artist? If they use hypoallergenic producs on me, is there still a risk of getting an allergic reaction? I don't like the idea of testing shit on my face, but at the same time I want to know what I look like with professional make up that's appropiate for my features,

No. 211558

>>211520
Some siblings are super close. It's rare imo but if it feels normal between you two then I think it's okay.

However, I've read a shit-ton of moids posting about how they're close with their sister(s) and even 'minor' things like cuddling (like just chilling on the couch) turns them on. Or they'll stare through shirts with no bras under. When they playfight, how they look post-shower in a towel, etc. They turn everything sexual. Unless you're 1000% sure your brother is not like this, be careful.

No. 211647

File: 1635678744849.png (943.22 KB, 960x928, cat.png)

can you get over being emotionally unavailable without therapy? like are there any books or exercises or whatever you could read/do to get over it? i'm thinking that maybe this is my issue and the reason why i can't form any meaningful relationships. i'm almost 30, never been in a relationship, nothing sexual at all ever. my father left the family when i was like 9 or 10 and he completely rejected me in favor of his 'freedom' after breaking up with my mom. eventually he ghosted me completely, didn't hear from him for years. i only develop silly impossible crushes (fictional characters, actors/actresses, unattainable people like mentors or much older people), when someone shows interest in me i immediately get turned off - especially when it comes to men because being with a man would involve sex and sex could lead to pregnancy and no. i'd rather be with a woman but i can't even get that to happen, the idea of opening up to someone just absolutely kills me. i can barely form any friendships past 'we have fun hanging out'. i never cried in someone else's arms or anything, it just feels like too much. i can barely get the words out when i open up to my mother (which never happens these days). when people text me if i'm available i only reply like hours later because they never specify what they wanna do and when and it makes me feel like i have no control over the situation. extra cringe: i was in an internet relationship with a woman like ten years ago but she was super toxic and manipulative and it fucked me up like crazy. after we broke up, i dated another girl over the internet but i just couldn't really 'love' her, i just knew that she liked me and i wanted to 'have' her because who else would want me? so eventually i broke up with her as well because the thought of saying 'i love you' to her made me feel sick. i generally form better relationships with online friends and i don't mind them translating to irl (i happened to move to the same city as an online friend i made 10 years ago and we hang out regularly irl) but when i meet people irl and get along with them, it always stays superficial and 'professional'. very often i lose touch with friends i hung out with a lot and it doesn't even bother me or i don't even notice until months later.

i just feel like i'm absolutely fucked in the relationship department. what do?

No. 211667

How do I stop stress-eating? What are better ways to manage stress? I really need to get a handle on this before I gain undesireable amounts of weight.

No. 211696

File: 1635720854167.jpeg (31.86 KB, 200x200, 4975FCCF-E689-40E3-8A58-E2F9E9…)

This might kind of dumb, but i wanna see what some nonnas think. I have this old harajuku lovers bag, back from when i was really young. I have a lot of problems with harajuku lovers, but i still do like the bag because its simple and spacious. Should i use it? Honestly, i am worried what others would think too.

The bag looks like this but its all grey, and the girls are just outlines in yellow and pink.

No. 211701

>>211696
If you like it, use it. You already bought the bag anyway. If someone IRL complains, they're the ones with the problem if they care that much to bring it up. Life is too short to worry about it nona.

No. 211775

>>211442
>>211492
>>211552
Thanks for the responses everyone, they were really helpful and I have a better idea of what I want to buy. It's so overwhelming to browse through even just a dozen options when those all have a handful of fancy functions each.
>>211486
Oof. I've never waxed but I used to painstakingly pluck, now I'm not sure if getting all of it out with an epilator at once would hurt less or more.

No. 211776

>>211552
Wait, rubbing alcohol? Wouldn't that sting even worse?

No. 211783

I’m freaking out and need advice about how to stop feeling like this. My birthday is coming up this month and I’m terrified of getting older. Not because of “the wall” or any stupid, superficial shit like that, I just don’t want to die. I can be the luckiest person in the world with my health and it won’t matter in the end. I’m going to die regardless of any other factors. I have severe death anxiety, if that weren’t obvious. Like, I can’t breathe when my mind goes there. It gives me panic attacks and insomnia. Is there any way to reconcile this shit?

No. 211788

>>211783
I guess a good place to start would be to ask yourself why you're so acraid of it?

No. 211791

File: 1635787147914.png (72.84 KB, 348x382, skrrr.png)

I don't know how to deal with these emotions about my mother. I have no one to talk to about this except here. How do you even tell anyone you and your mother have a weird relationship? Yesterday, we had a family gathering so I had to be there too, I was sitting with my mom, I missed her. But she kept trying to kiss me, like, kiss my neck in front of everyone. I felt so embarrassed and her hand was so close to my crotch. I felt like I was being groped the whole time. I told her to cut it off multiple times till I made up a reason to get up. I felt icked. This is obviously not the first and last time she's done similar things. Now that I've been away, I don't know to to think about it. I don't know how to think about her touches and kisses sometimes, sometimes they even make me cry because I feel so bad. I think she can't let me be an adult, she said so herself she still thinks of me as a little kid. And it's not like I don't reciprocate because our relationship was or has been very touchy. I would still straddle her when I was a teen and we would cuddle all the time, hands all over, I'd stuff my face in her bust. And it's not like I hated it, I didn't. I don't know what to feel about it now. No one else I know was like that with their mom till their late teens like I was. But, maybe it could be I'm growing up so I feel a little awkward about it how young adults do and it's normal? I don't have a father who I could really compare my relationship to and I can't really ask anyone. I just need some advice on how to process these feelings, or how to even think about it. Am I overreacting? If so, some advice on how to stop overthinking about this?

No. 211800

>>211791
This sort of behavior is not normal from parents towards their kids as adults nor when they are young. There's a difference between basic cuddling and excessive kissing/groping. Your mother is not right in the head and this is a form of sexual abuse. Do not spend anymore time with her since she clearly cannot and will not respect your boundaries. How to process? Therapy. Seriously, this is not a normal relationship and you deserve support working through any conflicting emotions you may have.

No. 211814

I recently took a fertility hormone test to reassure myself. I didn't even tell my husband, because I know he doesn't condone anticipatory worrying. I figured I could take it and forget it, but my results are very abnormal. I'm retaking it next month, since the company will retest results so far out of the norm for free. If the rest isn't normal I have to see a doctor, though, since that would indicate a noncancerous tumor. I'm wishing I had never learned this because I don't want my husband to think I'm being silly, or that I didn't tell him things.

No. 211829

>>211800
Idk if nona's mom sounds sexual toward her per se. My mom has said that when you have a baby, you kind of treat them as an extension of ypur body, and there really aren't any boundaries because you have to clean & check up on every part of them. So it seems more like nona's mom is just attached to that kind of relationship and can't let go of that really close parental instinct, especially as a single mom.

No. 211831

>>211791
> I don't know how to think about her touches and kisses sometimes, sometimes they even make me cry because I feel so bad.
Have some self respect anon, stand up for yourself. You're allowed to be angry that she doesn't listen when you say no, when you're uncomfortable. Why are you sacrificing your own peace of mind so she doesn't feel bad? She clearly doesn't care about making you feel bad.
Just because you "reciprocated" in the past - because you're obviously her child who enjoys touch and intimacy - DOESN'T mean you're not allowed to say no!
You highkey sound like you're being molested and think it's normal because she's doing it in plain sight of others. And I'm not one of those "every hug longer than 2 seconds is child abuse" people at all, but the guilt and shame you're describing is more than just growing pains awkwardness.

No. 211834

>>211829
Why would you kiss your daughter on the neck of all places though and repeatedly put your hand near her crotch? This isn't just pulling someone into a normal hug. Maybe the hand positioning was unfortunate in this instance but either way it's totally unacceptable for her mom to be all over her like this, especially when she's explicitly told her to stop.

No. 211857

>>211800
>>211831
I really don't want to believe she's consciously doing it to make me feel bad. Despite sometimes getting uncomfortable when she touches me too much, rubbing my thighs and stomach too the point I would intentionally sit as far away from her as I could. She even implies sometimes I actually come to her to get kissed and stuff and it makes me second guess my feelings even more. And her constantly calling us a couple and how romantic we are. I don't know what she thinks at all.
>>211829
I believe this too. She says stuff like this sometimes. I'd ask her to stop touching my ass and she would get offended and say my butt is her butt or something like that and that she as a mother, is allowed to touch me. It makes me think she can't let go of kid-me. Though she isn't like this with my sister at all. It's not like she's actively evil. And I really love her a lot. I feel like I'm overblowing just one singular aspect of our relationship.

No. 211890

>>211857
Get away from her, this isn't normal AT ALL. Unfortunately common with narc moms.

No. 211931

File: 1635873485777.jpeg (40.21 KB, 490x555, 1626020170955.jpeg)

>>211857
>And her constantly calling us a couple and how romantic we are
Oh God. Honestly I wish I could agree with other anon and say she's just seeing you as a little kid but no. Nope nope nope. It's not normal to say you're dating your kid, at any age.
Is she gay/bi anon? You mention you don't have a father so assuming she's single? It sounds like she's using you as a surrogate girlfriend she can get her intimacy fix from, and doesn't care how it affects you.
This is narcissist behaviour. Do you often find her telling you your feelings/instincts are wrong and to listen to her instead? Does picrel sound familiar? If so you need plenty of distance to think things through.
I'm not saying she's a serial killer, but listen to your gut anon. You know she's hurting you by crossing your boundaries. This whole "maybe I'm over exaggerating idk" when describing these twisted things she's doing… I feel so bad for you. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE BOUNDARIES.

No. 211934

>>211857
Samefag to add, this isn't a normal dynamic because in a healthy family, when a kid gets to teens/twenties and starts to reject kid intimacy like hugs and constant cuddles, a healthy mom will feel a little sad internally that her kid is growing up, and then sucks it up and respects those new boundaries. Because she sees her kid as a PERSON and not just an NPC there to meet her needs and desires. The fact that your mom ignores and dismisses your boundaries, makes you feel guilty for saying no reasonably, and straight up says your body belongs to her… It's all a sign that she isn't right in the head. Look up narcissistic mothers (not on reddit, from real medical sources) it might open your eyes a lot.

No. 211941

>>211931
>>211934
This is too difficult for me to think about, anon. I've always known my mom has some narc tendencies, but not full blown. And it's not just me but my sister also agrees, she just never seems to think beyond what she feels and nothing is ever her fault.
>Is she gay/bi anon? You mention you don't have a father so assuming she's single?
No, she's homophobic if anything. But she has always been single after my dad and I also feel like thay plays a part because my dad left shortly before I was born. It's not like I always hate to be touched by her. I love hugging her and stuff, I just don't like when it turns too much for me. She's too possessive over my body.
I just want to say, I don't want to villanize her or anything. She's done all she could to raise me and I know she loves me a lot. And it's just hard and it makes me feel fucked when I feel uncomfortable by her because I really don't want to. I think I am going to be keeping some distance from her like I have been and try to deal with these confusing stuff. I'll take your advice anon, thank you.

No. 211954

>>211941
The other anons are projecting, anon. Like the earlier reply said, your mom your mom probably sees you as an extension of her. Remember that in her mind you literally grew inside her body and came out from it. She might be too familiar with you but from your perspective it's bizarre because your memories go as far back as 5 y/o lmao so neither of you are completely at fault. Take the distance like you're planning to and if you can, tell her that she touches you too frequently. Hope you can stress less about this nonna

No. 211957

>>211954
If you think anons mom kissing her neck, grabbing her butt and crotch, saying they're dating and so romantic is just normal mom stuff? You need therapy too girl

No. 211972

File: 1635886609347.gif (3.18 MB, 320x234, 1631390810360.gif)

I want my pussy eaten by my man, but my guard is so fucking up it's unbelievable. How do I lower my guard enough to let him please me sexually? How do I stop feeling like my sexual self is gross and being embarrassed by the thought of him looking at my pussy never mind tasting it? How do I gain the courage to ask if he's been thinking of doing it or if he wants to? How

No. 211982

>>211972
Nonny just bring it up casually, most men nowadays are into that and don’t think twice about it

No. 211988

File: 1635894512440.jpeg (55.43 KB, 640x640, 1570244704553.jpeg)

is there a way to get over someone you're close to without cutting them out of your life? I have feelings for my friend (who is also my ex technically, but from years ago) but he just started dating someone who he seems to really like. I didn't think it would bother me so much but hearing him talk about her is painful and it's making me ruminate over ways in which I wasn't good enough as a girlfriend and kick myself for being too young and stupid when we got together to know how to maintain a relationship maturely. I don't want to be selfish and bitter but I also don't like the idea of distancing myself, but again maybe that is coming from a selfish place. help me nonnies I'm in a weird amount of pain

No. 211993

>>211991
Dumb bitch don’t use an emoji

No. 212010

>>211972
I don't get what you're asking. What is it that you're embarrassed about? Are you ashamed to fuck bc of trauma or…?

No. 212014

Wtf does it mean if I'm fine touching others sexually if I'm the one in control but actually having penetrative sex or being touched sexually feels like an invasion of personal space and I hate it? I wasn't assaulted sexually or anything, it just makes me feel weird and bad to be touched.

No. 212024

File: 1635912774613.png (37.5 KB, 668x472, 875903478593453.png)

>>212014
Never read Dworkin eh?

No. 212025

>>211988
Staying friends with exes is a bad idea, doubly so when you're still into them. He's moved on. You should too. This relationship is only going to hold you back from finding someone who actually is a good partner for you.

No. 212026

>>212025
She can’t get rid of this man

No. 212036

>>212025
it's fine if you're mature and keep boundaries. IMO especially if you're in a relationship, you should keep your ex at a tiny bit more distance than other friends. Context of your relationship also matters

I'm still friends with an ex I had years back who I had a healthy relationship with but we just weren't compatible. Both of us are in a relationship and don't care and don't flirt or anything and he's actually help me fix my car a few times, on the other hand there's exes I have who I couldn't possibly be friends with due to their toxicity. If you guys were together in high school then being friends would be a big no no

No. 212070

>>212024
Well, I actually have read a couple of her works. I'm also bisexual, and it's the same for women as well, I still hate being touched in the exact same way. I dont know any other feminists with this problem either but tbf I don't have many friends.

No. 212071

>>212070
DO you have other kind of sensatory issues as well or is it just touching during sex?

No. 212081

>>212036
>If you guys were together in high school then being friends would be a big no no
Why? I never had friends in high school so I'm curious about this

No. 212086

>>212070
Have you been abused? Or are you physically very sensitive? Maybe just taking it very slow with a trustworthy partner could help if you want to be able to receive.

No. 212575

What's your response when people ask you your pronouns and you don't want to play along?

No. 212584

>>212575
I simply say I'm a woman. Ambiguous enough to just seem out of the loop, but not really playing along either.

No. 212711

>>212575
We only have two genders in my country, but if someone asked that question to me i would answer "I'm super straight" with a disgusted and condescending look on my face and then i would back off while still watching that person in case it tries to hit me from behind, and then walk away normally once i'm in a safe distance.

No. 212713

File: 1636404234272.jpg (71.48 KB, 1300x867, 95801219-fit-young-female-athl…)

>>212711
>if someone asked that question to me i would answer "I'm super straight" with a disgusted and condescending look on my face and then i would back off while still watching that person

No. 212843

>>212575
I just laugh and say, "whatever, doesn't matter to me".

No. 212917

File: 1636574724871.jpg (139.99 KB, 873x831, Screenshot_3.jpg)

How can I stop being on autopilot all the time and get rid of my useless habits like watching mildly entertaining Youtube videos or scrolling social media? I want to fill my life with more meaningful habits like reading and want to start drawing again but every day after work I automatically lie down in bed and just watch stupid videos until I fall asleep and then rinse and repeat every day

No. 212918

>>212917
At least you work

No. 212919

>>212917
Baby steps. Start with reading or drawing or something for just 10-15 minutes a day. Chain together as many days as possible. Eventually move up to longer periods of time a day. Gradually cut down your YouTube/social media use using the same approach.

No. 212928

>>212917
I've been struggling with the exact same problem. I spend literal hours on lolcow and YouTube and sometimes Instagram. I think the other anon is right about baby steps. I also think giving yourself some kind of reward for reading or drawing might work too. Like "if I read for half an hour I can have a piece of candy" or something like that.

No. 212931

I have concert tickets for next week but last time I went inside a store (yeah a fucking store, don't judge me I don't get out much) I felt super panicky because there were a ton of people. I don't know whether to go, I want to go but I'm scared I'll freak and can't get out fast. What should I do nonna's I don't know

No. 212941

>>212931
Is it seated concert, or standing? if the latter, just make sure you stand in a spot that would be easy to leave if needed and dont feel guilty about leaving if the need arises

No. 212995

>>212917
I'm in a similar boat. Make your bed everyday if you already don't or stay out of your bedroom so you don't go into bed, because you know in bed you cannot draw and will end up on other sites. If you like to spend time in bed because it's comfy, maybe buy some nice new pajamas or a sweater to keep you at your desk and drawing instead.

No. 213021

How could I go about developing my compassion/empathy/sympathy? I want to care about the people around me but I don't think I ever have, as fucked up as that sounds. I want to genuinely care about them and love them but my compassion and empathy feel so underdeveloped. I want to experience genuine love and care for others. How can I do this? Anyone have any meditation guides or books they can drop a link to or something? At this point I am willing to turn towards manifesting and youtube subliminals lmao I don't even care I'm desperate as fuck.

No. 213031

>>213021
By experiencing things other people go through yourself. You will never ever ever learn it from a book or meditation or anything painless.

No. 213033

>>213021
Listen to people and try to get into their shoes. Imagine yourself in that same situation, feeling those emotions and how would you internally feel, most likely is that you'd act like them.
There are a lot of ted talks on this, and I've found that listening to podcasts is cool too. You have to learn about people's life stories

No. 213041

Does anyone know a good way to get over the pain of when close friends, ones you really care about, ghosted you or when you "weren't enough" for them?

I lost a couple of people over the years who I mostly interacted with online because we lived a long distance away but we knew each other in person too and spent quite a bit of time together irl together. I thought we were close friends and I knew them each for a number of years. One completely disappeared, deleted all of her online accounts and changed her number, not just for me but all of our mutuals too and I have no idea why and could never get in contact no matter how I tried. One I guess I wasn't enough for friendship wise and she just deleted me off all her accounts with no explanation after almost a decade of being friends but when I discovered this I also saw she is still friends with a lot of people she told me she had problems with?

That all happened a few years ago but now it's starting to happen again with a couple of my current close friends (all in the same group) and I feel really sensitive about it because of what happened before. Same situation, we mostly interact online because we live a long distance away from each other but that never made us feel less close and we always had time for each other. But in this past year it felt like they cared about me less and less and no matter what I do, I am just forgotten unless I really try to initiate us spending time together. No matter how I try to keep our friendship going, it is clear to me it has become one sided with only me making an effort.

While I get friends moving on is a thing that happens (we are all in our late 20's/30's), it hurts a lot because I love these people dearly and feel really left behind because I care about them and love having them in my life. We didn't even have a falling out or even an argument in any of these situations so it is really hard for me to understand and process this sort of thing happening. I hate how my self worth is really affected by this happening almost as much as I hate losing them. I do have a couple close friends who being with helps and have busied myself with the recommended "find hobbies" and "plan things with other friends" but I just can't seem to get over what happened and still think of them weekly, even if I try not to. With this happening in my current close friend group, it bothers me daily despite me trying to not let it because it is clear they are becoming more distant with me.

Sorry, this was pretty long and rambly. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. I just feel really lost and lonely.

No. 213042

>>213041
For me, I don't really "get over" it, it just takes time to convince myself that they're no longer my friends, and it's no longer my business to care for them.

My current close friend has this bad habit of constantly checking social media of their exfriends too. I'm not sure if they ever got rid of that habit, but now they seemed to join a new online community that is really welcome of them, my friend never mentioned to me about the exfriends again.

I'm one of those type of friend that tends to ghost though.. My mental health has been jackshit ever since the beginning of the pandemic and I couldn't stop cutting myself off people one by one. I think like… sometimes you gotta accept that people are going to be self-destructive no matter how good and kind they had appealed to you. As long as you continue to open yourself up to the right person, and respect their boundaries when they need space, that will make you a good friend. Life is long and people come and leave, it fucking hurts every time, and it's also part of the journey.

No. 213061

>>213041
As much people say there's no difference between online and irl friendships there is. People don't value them as much and never will.

No. 213136

My TA is very obviously flirting with me and I need to not let this situation escalate before the semester is over or else my grade in the course is dunzo. How do you keep moids at arms reach?
I swear to god he tried using that Kino escalation method on me too which if you didn't know, Kino escalation method is a manosphere PUA tactic.

No. 213226

How do I end a friendship?
I was close friends with 2 girls in college, but it feels like I grew apart from them since I found other people I am able to connect with much more and be comfortable with, and that one of their bf's does not like me and the bf is a significant part of his gf's life and they are still friends with guy friend had spanked me (like how parents spank their kids) under the guise of being a "big brother" to me in college, and one of them knows about it.
Considering all that, I just try my best avoiding them after I graduated and it was easy for me due to the physical distance as I lived a couple of hours away from them, but now they are trying to reach out to me by messaging me recently… I hate conflict and try to keep it neutral and sort of open without giving a straight answer as I prefer things to fade out. However, I want to avoid doing this for as long as possible and just end it out right. I sound like a bitch, but how can I end it in a way that is not in anyway cold (i.e. a break up text)?

No. 213256

my friend set me up with his friend, and her and I were talking a lot while we were all at a bar. She was really really into me, seemed really nervous and giggly, asked for my number etc. she said that we should hang out some time. She texted me yesterday and then stopped replying when I asked if she was doing anything tonight. Ladies help wtf

No. 213260

>>213226
>guy friend had spanked me (like how parents spank their kids) under the guise of being a "big brother" to me in college
i'm sorry, what?!

No. 213270

>>213226
It sounds like you have an avoidant way of dealing with things in general and that's often an issue, but in this case.. you're entitled to just blank and avoid these people and offer no explanation at all. It might be the best option.

If you were assaulted and those women couldn't even treat that with the response it warrants at the time (when it was most important)… you don't owe them your time or energy at a later date if they happen to wake up or feel bad. I'd keep ignoring. Worst case scenario is if you reply they'll still be defending shit scrotes.

No. 213276

>>213260
Sounds weird, but it was something he did. I had repressed it in my head for so long until the beginning of this year when I started questioning it. I never thought I had been sexually harassed until I remember that moment in my life. I stopped talking to him entirely because of that but I am still angry since he is still friends with a lot of girls who he has done that to because I can feel I was not the only one.

>>213270
I rather just be blank, already good thing I do not use social media all that much. They know because we talked about how weird it was years ago but brushed it aside since we were all friends. It hurts but I rather take out the toxins in my life since I rather not deal with any of them trying to defend either bf or piece of shit "friend" if I happen to do choose to bring it up. I feel like they are too close for them to just have me avoid them and I would instead need to put up and shut up…

No. 213279

I basically just want to know if I’m overreacting to this scenario. I’m from a very remote rural place and some years ago I started posting some nudes on 4chan because I was pathetic land lonely. It eventually transpired that one of these nudes was being shared around guys in the area. When my neighbour showed me it had been sent in his group chat. I’ll be honest I did not think much of it, i only caused that for myself at the end of the day.I moved away shortly after and never really thought about it til lately when my cousin messaged me saying a guy she was interested in getting with and has been talking to told her he had “seen your friends ass” then me finding out a chain of people who were specifically sharing it and the way it started (a lie. Someone obviously not wanting to admit to being on 4chan) now I don’t know if I am overreacting to this but it kinda just struck me that for him to mention it casually as if it was funny. That to me would be a big red flag, I would not ask my cousin to leave it at that but I would really appreciate it if she did because to me that’s what I would do in that situation. It really fucks me off at this is just normal make behaviour and it’s sickening to see the ugly fat fucker who apparently started it. Someone I have never spoke a word to in my life. I’ll be honest I’m quite emotionally fragile right now and just utterly stretched thin with various things in life so I guess I just want to know if I’m being really unfair thinking this way. I think my cousin deserves a better man than that but I’m starting to believe those are extremely scarce.

No. 213285

>>213279
You aren't overreacting, I would be extremely offended if some guy I was trying to have a romantic relationship randomly brought up he saw my friend's ass. She should recognize it as a red flag herself if he's that socially inept to mention it to her, and for looking at nudes in general. Don't take it out on yourself, this guy sounds creepy. If she cares about you and frankly, herself, she will stop talking to him. You should bring up that it makes you feel uncomfortable. A good friend would understand that.

No. 213295

>>213279
That's a normal reaction you have imo. Sharing nudes in between each other is already weird as fuck, but then bringing it up with someone who's close to that person? Complete disrespect

No. 213636

I live in a tiny studio apartment and have never really bothered to decorate it because it's so small + covid so nobody came over. Now some of my friends want to come by and visit and I'm embarrassed to have them over because I barely have anything. I just have my bed, desk, chair, and a bookshelf so there's nowhere they could sit to hang out. I've never really been that into decorating and stuff, but I want to do at least a little bit so my place isn't so unwelcoming. For nonas who are more skilled at making places cozy- how do you get an idea of how to decorate? I've tried Pinterest and tumblr, but most of the images are of places that are much larger than mine so it's not very realistic. I've always been a minimalist and I like not having many possessions, but knowing that my friends wouldn't have anywhere to sit if they came over is making me realize that maybe I could be doing a little more.

No. 213645

>>213636
Do you really want them over or did they suggest it and now you feel rude if you don't make it happen? If you make a pros and cons list is it worth the hassle?

My first place was a studio and I think the only people I had over were people I was sleeping with.. because sitting on my bed or getting into my bed were about all you could do there anyway lol

I think if someone lives in a cramped space then friend groups should stick to hanging out in the better suited homes (and you can bring along something for them to say thanks for hosting) or you meet somewhere public if covid allows. I just think it's awkward when you're happily living in your space and then you're suddenly hit with this pressure to get it up to scratch to entertain people. It's a studio, I'd argue that it's just not meant for that
> there's nowhere they could sit
Anything you buy to fix this issue will become clutter you have to live with afterwards. You say you're minimilistic at the moment, that's ideal in a studio.

No. 213870

Do any anons have advice for quitting weed?

I am a multiple times a day smoker for many years and my boyfriend wants me to stop but I think I’m at the point where I have physical withdrawals when I try and stop. I quit for a month a while back and got so depressed i became suicidal. I plan to get into counseling when it’s eventually covered by my insurance but until then any anons have tips to reduce these symptoms??

No. 213874

File: 1637302646604.jpg (66.72 KB, 620x413, Conversation-pit-22104.jpg)

>>213636
First off, fuck Pinterest and tumblr. They don't reflect you, they influence you. And in the shittiest, most bland ways possible. Don't ever look at those sites for inspiration, it's millennials and drunk moms who think the world didn't exist until 15 years ago.
Find something that interests you, anon. For instance, I like astronomy and space, so I've got two prints hanging on my wall: one's a poster of an observatory, the other is a photograph of a moonrise.
If you wanna be frugal but adorable, find a glass jar of something in your fridge. Whatever's in it can be transferred into tupperware, hopefully. Clean the jar, and throw your pencils and pens in it and set it on your desk. Bookshelves I prefer to keep free of shit because it gets in the way of the books. If it's short enough that you can put something on the top, go check out thrift stores for something decorative that interests you. Shopgoodwill has pretty cool shit (I've been looking for jewelry boxes on there).

No. 213877

>>213874
you hate in Pinterest and tumblr inspo (fair) then go on to name the most basic (prints), shittiest (glass jar) home deco and thrifting which is very Pinterest and tumblr

No. 213878

>>213877
If anon's living in a studio apartment I doubt they want to pay a shit ton for decorations. And what's wrong with reusing glass jars? And prints… man, don't get me started with how fucking stupid you sound for calling prints "very Pinterest and tumblr". Like fuck off, seriously. I'm an artist, I like collecting prints, especially older ones from illustrators that I like. But yeah, good job anon, you've blown my cover, I actually work for Pinterest.

No. 213879

>>213878
holy shit calm down lmao

No. 213880

>>213870
Hi anon - weedchan here. Taking my 4th attempt to quit since Oct and I'm on day 3. I'm an ADHD brain with trauma and asthma… Since going into isolation, I just can't stop. Regardless of the fact I'm now expelling more and more brown speckled phlegm, I keep failing and smoking because I'm uber dependant, and my man (chron) has it in the house. I don't wanna stop his access because it keeps him regulated and chill… Not ideal but we make due.
It's hard to go 7 days in an environment that smokes or has legal access. 3 days ago I downloaded an app called sobertime because I was needing something constant. Something attached to my phone/dopemine addiction. It has a community board where no addiction is too small (an issue when people don't think weed addiction is a real thing) and it's really supportive and chill. No politics, you can see how others are doing it. I'm noticing that recovery and Jesus are a tight combo but it's not too dominant.

I feel this has given me the most faith and strength that I can stop - even though my life is literally falling around me.

Good luck anon!! You can do it - you will feel the power in your moves once you give yourself the chance.

No. 213881

>>213870
Sorry I forgot the question though! For Symptoms, reduce with healthy new habits, great food and nutrients, healthy rewards, endorphins, dopemine, dedicated self care, support groups, celebrate small milestones in a fun bonding way, CBD, exercise, remembering why you're quitting, thinking of what you will gain by quitting …

I'm still learning but those seem to have helped me in the past.

No. 213887

File: 1637308677256.jpg (143.82 KB, 1280x959, studio-apartment-design-nordro…)

>>213636
Honestly you shouldn't need to do too much. If you are on a budget, definitely check out goodwill or other available thrift stores near you. FB marketplace and other local sale communities might be helpful too if you live in a decent sized city. If you'd rather spend the cash and have it delivered though, amazon and ikea is fine too.

Tbh, all you'd really need is a decent small table, a couple chairs (ones that can slide under the table or stack/fold are ideal), maybe a rug, a throw, some pillows and a few art pieces or something to hang on the wall? Just some stuff to create some visual interest and offer seating and soft/comforting textures. If you have a decent window, you can grab a few succulents for very cheap at most grocery stores even. Very easy to care for and are cute to look at/liven up a space. Good luck anon!

No. 213957

Does anyone have advice on how to build a better sense of self/self-esteem? I wouldn't say that my self-esteem is perpetually shit but I find that I tend to compare myself to my friends (or other girls) a lot and it makes me depressed. I'll see the way they are and put myself down for not being as nice, cute, pretty, talented etc etc. When I'm alone I'm fine with the way I am, but it's when I'm hanging out with friends or in some public settings (mostly parties) that I start to feel this way.

I'm not interested in dating, but in the past when it came to guys I thought were attractive I would automatically assume that they'd probably be more into my friend (or whatever other girl was there) than me. It's not just a male gaze thing, because even with friends I can't come up with reasons as to why someone would want to be friends with me. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I don't know very well in class I get self-conscious and wonder if they'd rather be talking to someone else. It's not that I don't have a personality, but I guess I just have trouble seeing in myself positive traits that I can be proud of and confident in. I'm thinking that maybe if I was more confident in my own traits then I wouldn't feel so bad when I compare myself to others and see I fall short in certain areas. Just having trouble figuring out how to go about that…

No. 213981

>>213874
Damn dude. Way to take the fun out of anon's question, not give advice, and make no sense doing so all at once. Bruh moment

No. 214028

how do i stop taking it so personally when people block me on social media? i rarely ever post and never talk about anything negative, it’s mostly just my friends mentioning me in tweets but today somebody i was following blocked me out of the blue. she’s following all of my friends and i don’t have any ill feelings towards her, and have never really interacted with her. i feel pretty sad because i think she hates me, and i’m scared there are other people who feel the same way, even though i know it doesn’t matter at all i feel really upset, how do i stop caring so much about it?

No. 214032

>>214028
Realize that
a) you don't know her reasons for blocking you so you don't know how it reflects on you
and
b) someone blocking you who isn't even a friend of yours shouldn't matter to you and not take up mental space

If you're that upset over someone who's basically a stranger to you, blocking you online, perhaps you should take a break from social media. Clearly it's not good for you.

No. 214038

>>213981
Way to not give anon any advice of your own and be useless

No. 214041

>>213981
but she did give advice?

No. 214108

>>214032
thanks anon, just needed to hear it from somebody else. i actually completely quit social media a few years ago because i recognized it affects me badly, but started again because my job requires me to use it. i’ll try to limit my usage as much as i can

No. 214362

File: 1637653581335.jpg (257.23 KB, 1281x846, Screenshot_6.jpg)

Genuine question from a socially awkward autist: are there any good resources on just…how to have conversations/how to socialize?

I find that it's very hard for me to keep conversations flowing and I also have difficulties sharing stuff in an interesting way. Conversations usually die very quickly because I don't know what to ask. I also have trepidations about opening up and have a tendency to feel intruded upon when people ask me perfectly nice questions. Also I noticed I have a tendency during conversations to just focus on my own ongoing anxiety and it's hard to focus on the other person. I want to learn how to make people feel good when they talk to me and leave with the impression that I am an interesting person.

Would that famous Dale Carnegie book help me or is that just a meme?

No. 214363

I have to be on the pill again because of medical reasons, but I lose my libido every single time i'm on it. I was fine on an iud, but with the pill I feel almost disgusted at the notion of sex, I cant initiate it and I barely feel horny during sex. Is there a way to counteract this effect?

No. 214364

>>214363
Smoke weed

No. 214366

>>214364
I do on the weekends but weed gives me mad nervousness and I still can't initiate sex. It sucks.

No. 214415

>>214038
>>214041
Your boring egotistical, biased opinion on apps was not advice. Also stop samefagging.

No. 214444

>>214415
i'm only the second anon. and how was
>Find something that interests you, anon. For instance, I like astronomy and space, so I've got two prints hanging on my wall: one's a poster of an observatory, the other is a photograph of a moonrise.
>If you wanna be frugal but adorable, find a glass jar of something in your fridge. Whatever's in it can be transferred into tupperware, hopefully. Clean the jar, and throw your pencils and pens in it and set it on your desk. Bookshelves I prefer to keep free of shit because it gets in the way of the books. If it's short enough that you can put something on the top, go check out thrift stores for something decorative that interests you. Shopgoodwill has pretty cool shit (I've been looking for jewelry boxes on there).
not advice? i genuinely don't see why that post is causing huge reactions

No. 214482

>>214444
get over yourself alrdy. no1curr

No. 214498

>>214482
i already said i'm not OP…i'm just curious

No. 214514

>>214482
>picks a fight
>gets ass kicked
> "no1curr"
God, learn to fucking debate, you act like a scrote.

No. 215007

How do I stop oversharing?

No. 215016

>>215007
Going to sound very stupid, but what seriously helped me was thinking that everything I don't overshare is a secret from others. I like keeping secrets and knowing things others don't, so if I don't tell them, I get to have my very own secret with no way of them ever knowing, which satisfied me more than saying whatever I wanted to say lmao.

No. 215356

Please help nonnies this is urgent.. ish kek. I started my first retail job a week ago and a coworker keeps hitting on me and following me around, im pretty short with him but today he kept talking to me and gave me his number so we could “get to know eachother”
I really am not interested but have never been asked out before and am wondering how the fuck to turn down someone I have to see everyday, I look pretty young so I told him im 17 (I just turned 18 so not far off anyways) and hes obviously mid-late twenties and he just said “oh nice, so you go to the highschool near here”
Help.

No. 215360

>>215356
Creepy as hell. I've worked in retail but I never had that problem. If you trust your manager(s) I would suggest talking to them about it.

No. 215362

>>215360
I don’t think he seems too malicious (inb4 I get killed and this is on the news) rather than just your usual slightly creepy male, I just want him to leave me alone and not awkwardly stand beside me pretending to do shit so he can talk to me all the time KEK

No. 215363

>>215362
Every time he comes close to you, walk away. If you encounter him, go in the opposite direction. Dont say a word to him. It takes an iron constitution but it usually drives off creeps.

No. 215366

>>215356
does your workplace have rules on things like that? mine has strict guidelines against any kind of flirting (it's considered a form of sexual harrassment), so if that's the same where you are you can maybe report it to HR?

No. 215367

>>215356
Don't be afraid to create a hostile work environment for him because he doesn't seem afraid about doing the same to YOU. Being rude to creeps like this is the only way

No. 215399

>>215356
>>215362
A mid-late twenties guy trying to date what he thinks is a minor/high schooler is malicious.

Anyway if you don't wanna be straight with him tell him "I'm not allowed to hang out with old (kek) guys" next time he tells you to text him.

No. 215466

How do you cope with the fact that men are talking about you?
Basically what I mean is, especially if you've been in a relationship with a man, he's gonna bring you up to his friends, and men are known to share private details about their girlfriends or women around them, like things about their sex life, nude pictures and so on. It makes me feel uneasy and vulnerable. I don't know how to cope with that fact. I don't think physical attractiveness even matters because
men are misogynistic anyway and will do those violating things to any woman. What is your stance on this and how do you approach this thought?

No. 215473

How do I develop self esteem?

No. 215477

>>215473
Gas yourself up, tell yourself positive things even if you don't agree at first until you eventually believe them. Alternatively, pretend you have the self esteem of a troon, they seem to have plenty to go around kek

No. 215575

>>215356
Late reply but I know from experiences when I was younger that I'd automatically turn on this 'lets not hurt his feelings' filter. It only prolongs things. It plays into what they want. Turn that filter off and say what you truly think. He won't like it but the alternative is him harassing you and not giving a damn about how you must feel.

The last time a guy (about 15 years my senior) wanted to randomly give me his phone number I was like.. why the fuck would I ever want that? Why should we hold back on that dose of reality? If you feel safe then be direct. Anything less than that leaves room for them to somehow imagine you're being receptive. Be very clear, then if you need anyone to step in and help you later on you can tell them you were clear and that there was no room for a misunderstanding. Men like that prey on our tendancy to 'save their feelings' and be vague and polite when we actually want to scream oh hell no I don't want you.

No. 215585

>>215473
By getting out of your comfort zone and doing things that scare you

No. 215589

Has anyone moved from their family home and had their life completely change for the better?

I tell myself everyday that when I eventually move out X, Y and Z will improve but I don't know if that's just cope on my part. I just feel trapped here and like I need a breath of fresh air away from the people who socially stunted me but I'm afraid that when I actually leave I will still be the same weak person I am now just with more stress.

No. 215591

>>215589
I moved away for college and have been going back and forth since graduating and I definitely feel better and more productive with my own life and independence when I’m not around my family every day.

No. 215592

>>215589
I got out at 19 because the dynamic at home had always been unhealthy and had given me these (probably lifelong) issues with anxiety and self esteem. I never regretted it. I felt ill prepared and scared and broke when I got out but I had to get out. I've been nearly homeless a couple times and I chose to risk that rather than falling back on them. Getting out of there opened my eyes to how bad it had been and how much my issues were caused by environment. Living other places showed me how much my home life hadn't been 'the norm'

To an extent you do carry damage around with you. Depending on what happened at home… it does still find ways to manifest, low moods, impulse control, addiction, things like that you have to learn to manage when you're out on your own. Moving out is only the very beginning of healing from it. You have to set things in place to look after yourself and create a life for yourself that's on your terms.

No. 215600

File: 1638395710438.jpg (39.47 KB, 275x252, 1638211891142.jpg)

>>215592
How did you avoid homelessness each time? I'm worried that might be an issue in the near future and I don't have an older sibling to ask these kinds of questions, sorry.

No. 215660

i don't know how to deal with anger properly and usually i point it at myself. i am pretty sensitive to certain sounds for example i find it really hard to focus if there's any type of noise going on around me, i can't sleep if my parents are watching the tv too loud 2 floors below me etc… the most recent example is when i was in the living room trying to work on my uni assignment and my smoker mom kept coughing every 30 seconds as she does. it angered me to the point where i bit my pencil and almost bit my hand (but stopped myself). we used to have a parrot and whenever he would scream and i had to focus on something i would sometimes throw things around in my room and become hysterical. other times i would just cry. so basically i can't control anger but i would never harm other people, just myself. does anyone resonate with this and knows how to fix it/work on it? do you know what causes this type of reaction? thank you

No. 215681

>>215660
I also experience a lot of what you describe in response to 'random' noise, e.g. people talking on the phone a room away or loud chewing makes me go ballistic, and I have ASD so you may want to seek a professional diagnosis for peace of mind. The best advice I have for you is to invest in a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones and take breaks to remove yourself from the situation when it gets too much to handle. The intense anger you're describing is scary, especially when it comes from something so 'trivial' as someone making too much noise, but you can get it under control with deep breathing and/or taking out the urge to hurt yourself/throw things by doing something harmlessly aggressive like ripping up paper or chucking ice in the bathtub or whatever. I've thrown scissors right into the drywall and chewed through a number of BiC Crystal pens for similar reasons so you're not alone in raging at dumb noise, anon.

No. 215686

>>215660
sounds like misophonia? i have it too and its the only times i've had actual suicidal or homicidal urges. the anger is so unlike you too. i bring earphones everyhwere.

No. 215969

>>215660
I’ve never related to something more. The anger is so overwhelming and pathetic. My housemates are noisy and I’ve been sleeping with white noise on in earphones - there’s a 3 hour version on Spotify that is at a frequency that blocks out a good amount of noise. I usually hate background noise but when I wake up in the morning I can keep it playing for awhile while I chill and not have to deal with people being loud in the morning until I’m ready and don’t have a breakdown.

No. 216071

File: 1638716278287.png (Spoiler Image,461.76 KB, 563x555, granny.PNG)

Is something like this considered granny panties? what kind of panties are considered granny panties? Before i just thought they were the high waisted type.

No. 216076

>>216071
what the fuck? is anything besides a thong considered granny panties now? those looks like bikini fit.

No. 216078

>>216071
not in the slightest

No. 216079

>>216071
Did someone say that to you? 'cause they're wrong.

No. 216095

File: 1638722511630.jpg (32.98 KB, 600x600, skugranny-3.jpg)

>>216071
lmao no. picrel is a granny panty

No. 216109

>>216071
Don't panties like this dig into your bum and give you a wedgie?

No. 216112

>>216109
Nta but I never buy panties in that style because I find them too skimpy to not just ride up all day anyway, to me they're nearly as bad as thongs. I don't quite wear granny panties either but there's a whole seperate level that exists inbetween >>216071 and actual granny panties.

No. 216117

>>216109
If any panty "digs in" to you then it's too small for you. Bikini fit panties shouldn't give you that wedgie feeling like a thong. But even a thong shouldn't "dig in" to you, just feels awkward to have cloth that deep between the cheeks.

No. 216146

>>216079
I saw a video claiming so and nobody contested it so i was just making sure. Sorry for the stupid question

No. 216165

>>215660
I don't have misophonia but i experience this with the sound of my sister pacing up and down the house (maladaptive daydreaming, she does this for hours on end while also muttering to herself). It drives me insane. the only solution for me is to drown it out with music, lofi is good for studying if like me you're distracted by lyrics

No. 216265

How do I politely keep a distance from a guy whom I want to sustain a strictly platonic, preferably professional relationship with? I've already told him I have a boyfriend, but I know he is interested in me anyway. I don't want to be close friends with him though, like sending pictures of gifts I got over the holidays etc. I also am not interested in pictures of the things he is doing. I don't want to block him or have bad blood either, since we are both part of a project I care about. I want to have a good relationship with the people involved which is why I initially was friendly towards him and emphasised we stay in touch, but I mainly had the interests of our activism in mind, not anything else.

No. 216388

File: 1638908391026.jpeg (97.45 KB, 1005x1400, 1 LCnA-hw-iehbK4yQt_NsDA.jpeg)

So I ghosted literally all of my friends because I have an emotional intimacy/avoidance problem. One of them had her birthday last week and I thought about calling her but the idea of it stressed me out so I didn't. But still I feel like it would be the right thing to do. I just don't know what I should say. I ghosted her before multiple times before and each time I apologized and explained that my tendency to isolate is like an addiction that I'm trying to fight but always seem to fall back. If I called her and she would ask about it I could only repeat myself once more like a broken record. This is the longest period that I ghosted her (several months).

Should I call her, wish her a belated happy birthday and just deal with the probable awkwardness? It feels like the right thing to do, because it's the opposite of avoidance but I'm just afraid of her reaction

No. 216392

>>216265
Another farmer should have a better plan A, but just in case, farting in front of him is a great plan B.

No. 216394

>>216388
Don't bother her and die alone, you're a shit friend.

No. 216395

>>216394
I'm aware I am. Thanks for your input I guess

No. 216397

>>216388
Why bother contacting her if you're just going to start the cycle over again eventually? I've had friends like you and it's just better to leave them alone unless you really plan to change your behavior upon reconnecting. I suggest getting some help with your issues if you want to make serious friends in the future.

No. 216399

>>216397
I've planned to change my behavior every single time I reconnected with someone. I'm not hurting people on purpose, I just get triggered and turn to self-defense mode. And I did get help, I've been in therapy for multiple years

No. 216418

>>216388
No advice, I just wanted to say that I do the same thing and I hate myself for it. When a relationship hits a certain point, I start obsessing over how boring and inadequate I am so I ghost them. I feel so terrible that I just stopped meeting new people altogether.

No. 216449

>>216416
>>216418
Thank you for your posts nonnas, it makes me feel better that I'm not alone. Hope it gets better for you

No. 216500

Does anyone know of any resources, advice, etc. on how I can learn to budget and handle my finances? I will admit that I've been pretty sheltered and privileged because my parents were willing to finance me through school. Once I graduate, I'm going to start working a salary job and will obviously be paying for myself, but I don't want to be retarded with my money and want to save up and budget. I've seen a couple things online like you should be paying less than 1/3 of your salary on rent (important because I live in a pretty expensive city) and other sorts of things, but I want to learn more on how much I should be saving realistically each month, etc. I guess most of this is common sense and it's not really something I need to think about until I actually get a job, but honestly I'm pretty autistic when it comes to a lot of common sense things so I think it'd help to do a little reading beforehand.

No. 216525

I'm not sure if this is the right thread, but still. (if anybody can point me out to something more appropriate)
As someone who wants to have my first child and I'm a few months from start trying I'm curious to know what anons here would have liked from their mothers when they were kids. (Specially if you were gender non conforming, LGB, dealt with psychological issues/mental illness etc.)
As an example of my own life I wish I had been allowed to wear "boys clothes" or have my hair cut short. I also would have liked to be listened more specially concerning my depression that developed when I was a tween but I was never taken seriously and my mom never asked why I was holed up in my room all day on my PC and didn't have friends.

No. 216672

File: 1639080841035.jpeg (99.61 KB, 640x406, 746298CA-75CD-4A6D-8DB3-AE575B…)

Sigh, gonna need you all to be real with me. So I’m invited to this baby shower, and I’m very not big on kids, ESPECIALLY babies. Like don’t get me wrong I’ll show up, be happy for her and do the aaawwss and ooooo’s but that’s it. Now they want me to join in on the planning and I can’t for the life of me think of a polite way to say no without sounding like the biggest downer. Am I being immature and dramatic and should I just suck it up?

It’s probably not a big deal but all this baby shit just gives me so much anxiety Jesus fuck

No. 216680

>>216525
If you dislike parts of yourself, it's really not best to display that in front of your children. I understand that parents are people and have insecurities, but my mom talking so badly about her body when she's a legitimate hourglass and thin made me feel like it is okay to hate myself. As your kid gets older, I think it's okay to talk more about those things, but at the beginning of puberty and as a kid, I don't think it's a good idea.

I also suggest if you have any serious mental illness to get it treated, but I understand if that is not an option.

No. 216685

Hi Lolcow, wondering how to go about this. I can't really afford gifts for my family this Xmas. I have 4 adult siblings and I have to spend on my boyfriend's parents because I live in their house, so the guilt is tremendous.l I've spent a lot of money lately paying my medical bills and I feel like I can't justify spending more. I do have an okay, decent amount of savings, but I really don't make that much (40k per year, no benefits). I'm really embarrassed because I've asked some of them what they want via text already, but I'm thinking of group texting everyone and apologizing and explaining that I cannot afford to get them gifts due to my medical bills. Is that shitty of me? Is this a cause worth dipping into savings for? I pay for all the food in the 4-person household I live in and they like to eat expensively (no repeat meals, that kind of thing). I feel bad because I know this is selfish.

To add to this situation, my parents have said they'd pay for my medical bills, but they want to do it through their HSA which they can't figure out and I don't want to be in debt so I've just paid off the medical bills. They are a bit burnt over this and they say they'll pay anyway, but it seems like they are upset and I really would rather just pay it myself instead of shouldering this drama. It frustrates me because they act like they'd have paid if I didn't pay it myself, but I sent them photos of all the bills, and they never did anything. I have tried to explain I don't want to get into debt when I don't even have a credit card so I know my credit score is not great, but they tell me I'm overreacting. I just feel so stressed.

No. 216693

>>216672
>Am I being immature and dramatic and should I just suck it up?
Just say no, you don't owe them your time and energy. Sticking up for yourself is the mature thing to do.

>>216685
Gifts are a luxury, can't you see how saying it's selfish you can't afford them after paying f-ing medical bills is ridiculous? dumbass.

No. 216701

How would you go about rebuilding sexuality after a ten-year porn addiction that led me to false bisexuality, BDSM and zero orgasm? I've been abstinent for one year,no sex no porn no sex drive. The only things I know I genuinely like are getting my nipples licked and sucking dick. I can lose myself with both. All other sex acts, including masturbation, I start seeing myself in the third person as if I am in a porn film. I feel like I fucked (eheh) myself over forever.

No. 216708

>>216693
I have savings, so I'm not broke. You're right about me being a dumbass, though.

No. 216715

>>216708
>>216708
how much money do you spend on food per month since these people apparently eat like they're rich?

No. 216718

>>216672
Are baby showers not normally before the birth? Last one I went to my pregnant friend just sat there and received her presents while everybody else got completely smashed. It was loads of fun

No. 216727

My friend is suicidal and I know I'm not some kind of savior but I really want to help her somehow. I don't know her irl and she's in America while I'm in Europe but I love her and don't want her to hurt herself. She's had an attempt recently and is still not doing well after. She vents to me and I don't mind that at all because she listens to me as well, but our depression is not the same and as much as I relate to some parts of how she feels I don't know how to talk her down from hurting herself when she has these moments. Can someone suggest me some harm reduction methods I can maybe forward her because she's really trying her best to not feel this way and I feel helpless when she comes to me with these feelings. I've googled some things but often times when we're at our worst we can't just go shopping or focus on a tv show like a lot of these websites recommend. Anons what helped you when you were suicidal, what stopped you from doing it, what would get out of a self harm urge when you had it? I'd hate to lose her and I just want to do the best I can to support her

No. 216728

>>216708
Shouldn't you be trying to maintain your savings anyway as a buffer for more medical bills? Or are those completely out of the way now? Personally I don't think it's normal to dip into savings for gifts.

No. 216746

File: 1639115647385.jpg (344.2 KB, 1200x1470, Edvard_Munch_-_The_Kiss_-_Goog…)

Anons help me, I can't decide if the following idea is a rational and empathetic one or a completely irrational one that I'm having because I'm limerent/obsessed with this person:

I've been at a new workplace for a few months and developed a crush on a coworker who's also a supervisor to me. During the calls we took we talked both about work and not work related stuff and got to know him somewhat well. In the beginning I haven't noticed anything strange other than him being dehydrated and drinking a lot during our meetings but did not think much of it. After 2 months passed, he starts acting hot and cold, cranky/friendly completely on random and once even slammed a call on me. After a day where he messaged me in work chat saying that he's feeling dreadful and calling sick it became obvious that he has an alcohol problem. I don't know when it started but the last 2 weeks it's been spiraling out of control. We don't have friendly non-work related chats anymore and even in the ones that are strictly work related he's slurring his words, jumping from one thing to another and can barely hold himself together and pay attention. It's breaking my fucking heart.

The idea in question: I'm thinking about calling him or reaching out to him on social media maybe on the weekend and telling him that I noticed these signs and worried and it's horrible to see how a wonderful and intelligent person like him is destroying himself.

Point of doubt: I'm not sure if he feels as close to me as I feel to him (probably not). During our calls sometimes I felt like he might be interested in me but I might have been just projecting, I've always been shit at social interactions and gauging people. I just want to help him in some way but not sure what I can do. I can't stop stalking his social media and wondering what a different person he might have become if he hasn't had developed this problem. Also I just can't stop thinking and fantasizing about him, period

No. 216753

>>216746
Stay out of that mess, nothing good can come out of it.

No. 216762

>>216753
This. No need to get involved with this mess of a man. You don't need that in your life.

No. 216782

>>216685
If you decide not to buy gifts then you should just let people know with a bit of notice, or you could always buy small gifts and similarly let people know. I've had years when I told family "look I'm only buying small things this year so please don't get me anything expensive"

No. 216785

>>216746
Don't go near an alcoholic workmate, don't date him, don't befriend him, don't overstep the mark and start confronting him about his addiction. You will not be thanked for it. Showing empathy (they see it as weakness) for male alcos always backfires spectacularly. He will either rage out at you or will take advantage of you. He's fucked and it's his own job to hit his rock bottom and change when he feels like it. You can't do shit for him but either enable him or take his rage tbh.

Stay clear of actively addicted scrotes. You have to emotionally detach from this.
> he starts acting hot and cold, cranky/friendly completely on random and once even slammed a call on me.
If he does this at work then he'd be a full on wife beater behind closed doors. Guarantee it. Male alcoholics aren't cutesy little victims who fell on hard times and need love. Treat him as dangerous and interact with him as little and as 'purely professional' as possible. A man with poor impulse control, poor emotional regulation, poor decision making, poor consideration of others, you will get hurt if you dare to try and help.

No. 216789

File: 1639149294155.jpg (40.35 KB, 480x511, de69fc39c7534fb6f0f86e0322b82e…)

Nonnas I could really use some advice… I know this is retarded af but basically I've discovered FDS and radical feminism like a year ago and its been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it freed me from a lot of shit, helps me navigate this society easier and revealed me men's true nature but also sort of a curse because now I know my dream relationship is almost impossible.
Like, ideally when I'll be in my late 20s-30s I'd love to find a High Value man to eventually marry, have a kid or two and just be in a normal, 100% monogamous relationship where he isn't interested into porn or other women but only me, no weird kink… Idk it feels natural if I'm in love with someone, to want to cherish them, not do degrading/hurting stuff in bed, be exclusive and plan some sort of future together but I know that today's porn culture added to centhuries-long patriarchy make it almost impossible to find a man w a similar mindset. I haven't had a bf in a few years now and my job, friends and hobbies make me super happy but idk I guess I'm just a huge sap because I terribly miss that kind of faithful, stable romantic love in my life. I swear I feel fucking tricked, growing up with the fairytale princess romance trope and now knowing reality is that bad. Like for the past few weeks I've litteraly bawled my eyes out after reading some historical romance/fluffy fanfic because I know I'll never get to experience that with a long term partner.
Do I decide to remain celibate forever and masturbate/have one night stands ? Or do I find a HV bf and invest time and energy into a relationship that will eventually end in 5, 10, 20 years? Again sorry I know this is cringe but I just feel very depressed about that

No. 216792

>>216789

Does this read like a scrote wrote it to anyone else or is it just me?

No. 216793

File: 1639152418151.jpg (38.39 KB, 567x709, 15ehg3b23vt71.jpg)

First relationship & we met on Tinder. I'm a current freshman in college & he's a junior. I might have rushed into it a little fast — he was my first date ever on Tinder and we just clicked when it came to things (we were basically a little too similar), and I dunno after like a few days after meeting him I think I implied exclusivity and now we're exclusive? He called me his girlfriend, and I mean I guess it stuck..
It's been about a little over a month now, and what we've been doing consists mostly of me letting him use my guest meals (lol) and occasionally going over to his to watch something once a week and occasional sleepovers with cuddling, & 3rd base is the furthest we've gone.
Thing is, I've never really felt certain. I can see a future with him, but I just don't feel… excited about it.
He's nice and all, but I don't know what I want right now. I don't feel experienced enough in college itself to spend my freshman year spending my Saturday nights doing Netflix and Chill. I feel so materialistic/shitty, especially since I don't even have a car nor my own place (next year!), but that's also a driving factor for me not feeling entirely ready anymore.

No. 216794

>>216792
I may be cringe but atleast I'm not a moid thx

No. 216795

>>216792
Yeah, i see it

No. 216796

>>216795
English isn't my first language so it sounded weirder than I thought again. Anyways if it makes you happy to believe I'm a scrote then think what you want. Advice thread not even once

No. 216799

>>216793
Anon, you don't really sound into this guy. Go out and find yourself someone who fills your stomach with happiness just by seeing him. Enjoy your freshman year.

No. 216801

>>216793
He sounds weirdly 'low effort' for such an early stage of dating. This is the stage where you usually get the most effort put into taking you interesting places and doing more than just hanging out at home. Where's the excitement? No wonder you've lost interest already. I'm older so nowadays I like comfy but at your age and a month in.. this is just lazy on his part.

My first 'relationship' lasted a similar length of time and had similar issues.. we never really did much. He stayed over at the weekend and we messed around a bit but I never took it to full sex, thankfully. tbh I usually don't even count him when I'm listing off my past relationships. It ended before it even started because he skipped the dating part and just got too boring and comfortable right off the bat. At 19 if you've never dated before you're being robbed of all the excitement there should be around dating. That and he's just ticking off all the sex bases with minimal effort. If you're not feeling it get out before it escalates to sex. You won't feel too used then. He could very well be using you given he's not taking you out much. That's a bad sign.

No. 216802

>>216793
>I can see a future with him
You can't, or at least shouldn't, see a future with someone after only a month. Right now you're still in the middle of exploring, seeing if you're right for each other. You've already decided you don't wanna do this, so don't.

No. 216803

>>216789
Was your last relationship really that loving if you're not in it anymore? Besides, you need to stop thinking so much. I think a priority for you is finding a kind man without worrying so much about marriage. FDS do a lot of talking but I haven't seen much women in relationships there.

No. 216804

>>216796

Fine. If you want some real advice here it goes:
What the fuck is a "High Value" man, anyway?

No, seriously. I think you're very conflicted/scared because you yourself don't have a good idea about what kind of man you're into.

You want someone who's not into porn, will be a good father/husband, will be your prince charming..? That's not a person, that's a Hodge podge of "ideal man" and "basic courtesy" traits you've assembled over the years. The reality that even if you were looking for a woman, you would be having a hard time finding the one for you. Because you're wasting time trying to find the perfect person from the get go rather than actually connecting with someone, and growing your life with them organically. There is no one perfect out there. You're just gonna have to meet and know someone who's charming enough that you care to handle them at their worst.

Go out and meet people, use feminism to identify red flags, and then put your best foot forawrd and start living your goddamn life.

No. 216811

>>216799
I have been! Finals have taken a chunk out of me though.
>>216801
He's taken me out to actual dates thrice out of… perhaps the other 10 times we've hung out (that he basically considers a date), but I see, thats also how I felt although I just wasn't sure if I was justified in that area considering the fact that it's my first relationship & I don't know where I stand value-wise.
>>216802
You're right… I feel guilty but how might I approach perhaps breaking it off with him?
He's genuinely nice, and I think he's emotionally invested in me, since I'm his first relationship in a while since college. I've kept up a kind of engaging exterior till now, but I don't know – I was thinking perhaps just going at it bluntly and saying that I might've rushed into things too fast, and that the year gap between us is something I can't stomach after thinking about it.
It's just, I'm involved in a ridiculous amount of extracurriculars and we're both engineering majors, so I feel like both of our times could be used towards something more productive.

No. 216822

>>216785
>a full on wife beater behind closed doors
A couple months ago when I just started you couldn't have met a funnier, kinder and smarter guy, you could talk about anything with him (he literally has a PhD too btw) - literature, cinema, philosophy, etc. It's the last few weeks that he's started going downhill and it's terrifying to witness it. I'm scared for him, there's no way others haven't noticed it

No. 216838

>>216822
You are not his mother. He's a grown man. You can't save him from himself.

No. 216846

>>216822

You do realize that the TV version of abusers isn't real, right? They're not always drunk deadbeats in days old stained clothing. They can be charming, intelligent, interesting, and polite. The only difference between them and normal people is that they will flip flop between their nice phase and monster phase.

That's why a lot of people in abusive relationships get stuck in them. They think the next honeymoon phase is their partners finally being "fixed" and "returning back to who they used to be".

Please read up more on the subject or at least watch an essay about it. I understand that you want to help a person, but it's not your job to help him out.

No. 216871

>216746
>>216822
Do not do it, seriously. Let it go, you don't know this man well or long enough to be his saviour and you'll only risk him taking you down with him. It's very unwise getting personally involved with an alchoholic man, he won't match the empathy you have for him.

No. 216900

File: 1639231178710.jpg (69.07 KB, 474x640, 323.jpg)

Is it ok to cut ties with your little brother? We're from a dysfunctional family and as far as I can remember he's always been either angry or indifferent towards me, and since he became a preteen(?) I think he's always been alternating phases where he's nice and we get to bond and have fun and then he starts mocking me, calling me names (like obese, even though I'm normal weight, whore etc..) even hit me sometimes since he's 15 now he became stronger than me. I have a job but have to live w my dad because of financial issues after my parent's divorce so I only see my brother on weekends, but I swear it drains me and I always end up feeling like shit. My mom basically gave up on his education and my dad tries to have authority but most of the time indulges him bc he's afraid of losing him or something. I've tried countless times to get my dad to help but he wants me to be as kind as possible and not answer when he insults me to keep him as calm as possible (obvs doesn't work). So when I stand up for myself my dad says I'm the one who's always provoking him and defends him.
So it's been a few monthes I've been completely ignoring him, I never go see him, don't reply when he texts, and on weekends I act as if he wasn't there, don't even say hi/bye. My dad says I'm breaking the family unity and I have to help him but it's not my fault if my parents have always been dysfunctional. Also I've been thru a lot of tough shit aside from home like school bullying and sexual assault but I've never been such an asshole to anyone, in fact I have a sister 2 years younger than me and we've always been close. He's fucking 15 now, way old enough to know what he's doing.
I won't be able to move out til a year maybe so right now I don't know what to do. Am I right to ignore him? Or should I do something else ?

No. 216903

>>216900
Anon I have a very similiar situation with my sister. I won't dive into a blogpost here but know you don't owe your brother contact if he doesn't treat you well. During the final years of our tine living at home, we lived in the same house not talking or acknowledging each other and that was significantly less stessfull than keeping on trying to make things work, I spent many years doing that thinking she'd grow out of it but she never did well into adulthood when I cut off contact. Keep ignoring your brother until you can move out (unless he attempts to mend your relationship on his own initiative). You don't have to sacrifice your own physical and mental well-being for him.

Your brother is probably damaged from being from a dysfunctional family, I know my sister is, you can't fix him and can't help him if he doesn't want help. Trying to mend your relationship when he's like this will only take toll on you. Best to move out asap and keep the contact and interaction with him as minimal as possible to avoid stress and him hitting you (that's abuse)

No. 216904

>>216822
Most people are able to compartmentalize and show up to work as the best version of themselves that they can muster up. That's what you got at first. Whatever his emotional demons are.. they didn't spring up out of nowhere. It's really just proof that the scrotes making nice chat with you at work or school or impressing you in the early few weeks of knowing them aren't always the greatest, coolest, smartest, nicest guys. Alot of the time you need to get burnt to really learn that and it sucks. It's one of life shittest lessons imo. You show empathy to someone who seems down on their luck and they stab you because they're too far gone to appreciate you or to not hurt everyon else. Don't get burnt. Don't walk into the flames when you can take the advice of all these anons instead lol

No. 216996

File: 1639290377765.jpg (48.16 KB, 622x622, 94536754da54808aaccd7e6770700b…)

>>216900
What kind of texts does he even send you? I agree with the other anon, the ball is in his court and you have nothing left to give him. He needs to grow up and take initiative. All males know when they do us wrong, they just act stupid.

I can't even imagine my little brother calling me a whore or hitting me. I think that would be beyond heartbreaking, to have someone you watched since a baby grow up to be a typical scrote.

No. 217026

Friend that knows noone else in the area just walked 5km in the fucking snow to show up at my house with a black eye.
Divorcing her husband. Sparsely speaks the language or English. I'll call woman shelters in the area but how do I deal with this well? How do I figure out what she wants to do?

How likely is it that hell show up here? We're out in the middle of nowhere by ourselves here..

No. 217027

>>216900
Ignore him if he continues being shitty but don't cut him out of your life completely just yet. He's only 15, going through puberty, hormones all that shit. My brother was an asshole in his teens but he did eventually get his shit together and apologized and we're cool with each other now.

No. 217031

>>217026
If he knows you are friends and where you live very likely, I'd assume. Get out of there and go somewhere else as soon as possible, make sure she has her stuff. How well can you communicate with her? Can she tell you how bad it's been? Does he have a gun or other weapons?

No. 217050

>>217031
No weapons in this country, and if, I did tell my hunter neighbour that there might be trouble tonight. Just in case.. He can be here in five.

He does know I'm her only real contact, but when he wrote me a text I just acted confused and he hasn't reached out since. Sadly we don't have any places to go, I also have my two dogs and a bunch of chickens. I don't want to leave them here alone.

She's waiting for some documents she'll get this week, after that she'd like to leave the country back home. She's here illegally so not a lot. If we have to go pick up things, I would've brought some farmer friends along? Else, no police, no documenting.. Apparently wasn't the first time either. Makes you want to go out and hurt some scrote.. Urghhhh.

No. 217057

>>217027
>He's only 15, going through puberty, hormones all that shit.
so are teenage girls but they don't go around hitting people all the time lol

No. 217083

File: 1639339028139.jpg (61.9 KB, 470x584, hug.jpg)

Thank you all nonnies for your advice

>>216996
Yup, it's really sad cuz I was so happy when he was born and he's a big part of the reason I work with babies and toddlers and love them. I've always loved him I don't think he ever loved me tho. And now after having been hit and called a disgusting fat bitch so many times I think most of that love is gone I feel very resentful.

>>217057
Exactly I know growing in the same household≠exact same childhood for every sibling but fuck me and my sister have never acted like that, and we have just as many reasons (if not more imho) to be bitter and resentful towards life

No. 217154

File: 1639374437167.jpg (170.33 KB, 682x392, ca0113_dermclinic_diabeticrot_…)

i hate my body a lot. mostly my skin since it isn't clear. my face is clear with minimal pimples, etc but fucking neck down i have tons of hyperpigmentation scars and other shit from scarring. i really wanna wear sundresses and be able to wear short sleeves without people noticing my hairy arms and my legs looking like a connect the dots. over the years ive tried a lot of whitening shit for it but it never goes away. any advice to get rid of them or maybe how to not give a shit about it?

No. 217159

>>217154
The only people who're gonna notice are close loved ones and maybe some friends. Most people aren't going to notice spots below your face/eye-level. They're not exactly studying you below eye-level after all. Most people including you really overestimate how much people pay attention, how much people see and remember in a quick look and how much they care, it's really far less than you think. People don't care as much about you as you care about you and they don't get to look at you as long and intently as you do which causes you to notice all your imperfections, but not them.

No. 217180

So, my boyfriend is not a nigel tier guy, at all. I do love him, and he loves me, we are complicated people and both of us is flawed. Said that.
I am a bisexual woman, and I never had issues when interested in someone. I have been chased multiple times even when people knew I had a bf, by both men and women allegedly falling in love with me etc.
Thing is, I am his first gf, and never had people overtly chasing him, and even when we had threesome experiences it was clear that I was the one desired by the other girls, despite him being fairly attractive.
Thing is, it is becoming more and more clear that this is starting to weight down on him, not because he's jealous of me but because he's jealous of the attentions I'm getting. He sometimes makes snirky comments, or behaves… weirdly when I have people liking me.
I don't know what to do, he openly said that he would like to be center of attention and that he has problems with approaching other people, but more than making him know that he's center of attention is hardly doable. He won't even understand that it is also because of his behavior.
And even so, I shouldn't feel responsible for the resentment, I just don't know how to behave because I feel like it will eventually become a problem in our relationship. He's been saying stuff that hurts me, and it is becoming weird because he goes from saying that I'm a great person and one of the best he ever met, to saying that I'm a shit person and I treat others unfairly (when I say that I'm not interested in others).
I don't even know if it would make sense trying to talk about this with him, I think it might sour our situation more.

No. 217190

>>217154
When I started moisturizing with oils instead of lotion I noticed my scars going away a lot faster, so I'd try that if you're up to it. I also use the discoloration serum by goodmolecules, it worked so fucking good. I had really bad scarring on my jawline and most of them are gone, and new ones I get don't stay for long

No. 217194

>>217154
AHA would help with fading them

No. 217219

>>217154
If you're just looking for a quick fix you can just put some makeup on them, a yellow/peachy tone will help you cover the violet undertones. You don't have to be as careful matching, because people don't really pay attencion, just make sure to set it really well because it might rub off if you're not careful. You can also just not give a shit, nobody will care

No. 217304

File: 1639447628616.jpg (93.15 KB, 559x610, 1561829914875.jpg)

I am so lost in life.
My best friend is married with kids, other have forgotten about me and/or have boyfriends and other friends to hang with. One of my cousins got married recently and another is moving in with her boyfriend all while I sit in my mid twenties a kissless, dateless virgin. Everyone I know is advancing their life while mine has been the sam e for years.
Every skill I'm supposed to be good at, I'm actually just okay or not even that good. My is art is only good to people who have never picked up a pencil. I'm supposed to be good at learning languages but I only learned Englosh.
I wanted to be a good student, but was barely avarage. No matter how hard I studied I got average grades, nothing more.
I have been trying to improve things that I don't like about myself, trying to become at least a little bit like the person I want to be but I often get overwhelmed with all the work I have to do and whith everything I have no power to change.
I'm starting to resent people around me for just existing and living their lives and I hate myself for it. I know I'm lagging behind in life and I really don't want to be like this, but I don't know how to stop it. I feel like nothing ever gonna get better and nothing's ever gonna change.

Has anyone who felt like this ever managed to crawl out of the hole? I'm not suicidal, I don't want to die I want to help myself.

No. 217398

>>217304
Anon, I know how you feel. Everything I've tried I feel like a failure at because I don't excel. But you know what, it's ok to be average. You don't need to be the best at whatever it is you do. You're not going to improve yourself overnight, I know it's hard to remember that but it's true. Don't be so hard on yourself because there's probably so many things you're good at but criticize yourself too harshly. Take it one day at a time.

I can't say that I've fully crawled out of my hole because I have my good days and my bad days, but I do think things are getting better even if sometimes I stumble and take a few steps back. It can get frustrating looking at how slow the progress is but again, you just have to keep reminding yourself that it's not going to happen overnight. I'm here if you ever need to talk, drop some contact info in the FF thread if you'd like.

No. 217404

So my therapist and I have some opposite views/beliefs about gender and relationships and I was wondering if it matters or not. I've been seeing her for like one year and a half, not for gender related stuff but mostly to treat family/childhood trauma by EMDR and she really helps with that and I trust her, but sometimes she's said stuff that bothered me, like how great it is that trans and nb people have gained acceptance for the past few years, how her nb and agender (kek) patients felt liberated by finding their twue self and recently when talking about my sexual orientation and relationship boundaries she said how some bi men can keep having one-night stands with men in agreement with their wife and that kind of open relationship uwu advocating just doesn't sit well with me.
On the other hand she's been a great help for treating my sexual trauma, like when I explained to her how my ex was a porn addict who tried to force me into every fetish you can imagine (like cosplay sex, piss, rape "play") she agreed that this shit ain't normal and mentionned helping some patients quit BDSM, so she's not THAT libfemmy but still.
I know most therapists these days are trained to validate troons and other gender specials and that very few normies know about radfem stuff anyways but I guess I'm afraid she wouldn't give me the best advice when it comes to relationships? Like some scrote redflags that liberal feminism made acceptable? I mean she's only in her 30s but my past therapist was in her 60s and yet believed that polygamy is ok and that in some cases it's ok to get back with a scrote who cheated on you, so I don't think that necessarily has anything to do with age. I used to be a handmaiden too before learning about how gender stuff and liberal feminism harm women in today's world, so I guess it's just that she doesn't even know about all this.
Anyways do you think I'm overthinking? Or that our differences could badly affect therapy?

No. 217407

I had a brief sexual relationship with my dentist about 2 years ago. Long story short, we flirted a bit at an appointment and then ran into each other at a bar later that week and from there on we became, I guess, FWB? I mean it was very laid back. No "formal" dates and certainly no mention of the L word. I cut it off after a month or so as I was in a bad mental state and didn't want either of us getting hurt. She took it on the chin and we both moved on with our lives. I never saw her again until today. I actually tried getting an appointment with other dentists because I was worried it would be weird between us but things were fine. She was as friendly as ever, even joked about how she's surprised a woman pinned me down long enough to get a ring on my finger when she saw my wedding band lol. Anyway, as she was doing my filling I noticed she has a lot of thank you cards and Christmas cards so I wanna know you ladies honest opinion: Would it be weird if I sent her a card thanking her and wishing her a happy Christmas? I genuinely do mean it when I say that she's very good at her job. I'm a 'tist who hates getting dental work done but she's always been very respectful of that and stops to ask if I'm ok frequently which other dentists don't tend to do. As we both live in a small town I figure I'm bound to see her again at some point so I may as well keep it cordial, right? I'm just worried I might come off as a creep or worse, it'll look like I'm hitting on her.

No. 217452

>>217407
It would be weird and unnecessary. Consider also that it's disrespectful of your wife.

No. 217456

>>217404
Might be good to start telling her the gender stuff is triggering for you, she might be able to respect that

No. 217458

>>217407
She’s not a man so she’ll probably take it as the cordial gesture it’s meant to be

No. 217497

>>216701
>sucking dick
You're still pornsick

No. 217498

>>216822
>>216746
You probably wont listen to other anons and you will regret it when you are eventually mentally destroyed. People like you always have a retarded saviour complex, especially when it comes to romance

No. 217527

File: 1639549828306.png (584.51 KB, 899x667, attachment-11.png)

How the fuck do I rewire my brain so it doesn't associate people and closeness with danger? I have been in therapy for a long time but still have problems with emotional intimacy and just stick to avoiding people. I want to feel what normal people feel - excitement, a desire to spend time with people and share information with them. When the potential to spend time with people comes up all I feel is vulnerability and the desire to avoid and hide

No. 217532

>>216822
Are you from Sweden?

No. 217535

>>217532
I'm not, what gave you the idea?

No. 217537

>>217404
you're not overthinking it imo, I'd never want therapy from someone who legitimately believes agender and nonbinary are a thing because it tells me they probably either 1) have poor reasoning skills, 2) they care too much about appearing woke, or 3) they let their empathy override their actual decision making. I also feel like I need to see eye to eye to a certain extent when I'm seeking help for mental issues and if there's that much of a disconnect I don't think they could help me.

but if none of those things get to you and you like her and she's a good therapist you should keep seeing her imo. it really all comes down to how you feel, and it's probably hard to find a therapist who isn't at least a little into the gender bullshit because they are encouraged to be so accepting of everyone.

No. 217540

File: 1639555248986.jpg (111.55 KB, 1014x577, Screenshot_8.jpg)

>>217535
>>217532
Okay I lied lmao I am from Sweden. Do you happen to know whom I was talking about? Might we be working at the same company?? (posted again because hint might have been too on the nose)

No. 217559

How do I get better at confrontations? I really, really fucking hate it. I hate confronting people about anything, even if it gives me pain. I'd rather just tolerate things than tell the other person they are being a bother. For example, we had a group project and no one else was doing work except me but I didn't want to confront them so I just did all the work A to Z myself. Or if someone keeps annoying me, like bumping into me too much, I'll just seethe alone than tell them to stop. Not only this, but say I angered someone, and the anger is valid, I'd just never ever bring it up and talk it out unless they approach first then I'd apologize because I'm too afraid. It's such a negative trait and I've no idea how to go about it.

No. 217568

>>217404
Only you can really answer this question. Personally I'd put up with a therapist that was actually helpful and had some slightly woo woo views on gender etc. since your trauma isn't strictly to do with gender issues. The thing about your ex and the fetishes is promising, and proves she can think critically.
If you think she mostly has her head screwed on straight and wouldn't outright give you bad advice like the last therapist, it's good to know where she stands in her views so that you can critically assess the advice she does give.
However, she does seem to talk about her other patients a lot, which I find a bit odd and not completely professional. You could just ask her not to do this any more. And if she tries to suggest anything about your own gender you can put your foot down hard or just not go back.

No. 217580

>>217540
Is he 26?

No. 217585

>>217580
No, he's in his early 30s

No. 217597

>>217596
Alright then! it would have been funny if it turned out that we work at the same company

No. 217606

How can I overcome learned helplessness? I go through these periods where I feel like I have no control over my life and I'm essentially just either waiting for someone to save me or just waiting for something to happen I guess…? I don't really have hobbies because I find them difficult to keep. There are things I want and think about doing but actually doing them is daunting so I just avoid doing them. Most of the time I feel really…small and feel like everyone is bigger, smarter, etc than me. I just want to be a real person

No. 217616

>>217559
dissociate yourself from the immediate context. write prompts for situations you know will happen again. copy and paste.

No. 217619

>>217452
Genuine question: why do you consider it disrespectful? I did tell my wife about the situation and she said that it would be good to establish a friendly tone between us as this woman is my dentist and living in the same small town as us so I'll end up seeing her again at some point.

>>217458
Yeah, that's what I figured. The card will be addressed to both her and her assistant who worked on me too so I think a simple thank you and merry Christmas should be fine? I just overthink things way too much.

No. 217621

>>217619
nta but because you fucked her before, why's that so difficult to comprehend. Now if your wife's fine with it, go ahead I guess, but normal it is certaintly not in most relationships. I do think it's weird to send your dentist a card though.

No. 217623

>>217621
I just think it's childish to have to keep someone at arms length because I have a prior sexual relationship with her. If it was a romantic relationship then sure, that I can understand. But situation reversed I wouldn't want my wife to avoid any sort of friendly interaction with people from her past on account of me. I guess it is odd to send a dentist a card but I saw that she had a lot of them so I thought maybe it would be best to thank her for dealing with my autistic anxiety of having two people up in my face and just kinda, idk, keep it friendly so neither of us feel weird about seeing each other. Idk anymore.

No. 217627

I’m always wary to comment on body hair here because once I said I shave my pubic area and someone called me a scrote. A question for anons that also do: Have any of you been to a salon to be waxed? What was it like? I am too scared and embarrassed to do it. Plus I can’t let my body hair grow out long enough that is suitable for waxing. (It is a preference!! Nothing against not shaving!)

No. 217637

>>217627
Actually I'm curious about this too

No. 217650

>>217623
I'm ntayrt but damn this is a lot of drama over a card. Hardly anyone sends them these days except boomers anyway, it will be displayed for a while and then thrown out and your dentist will not remember whether you sent one or not within a couple months of it happening. Dealing with anxious patients is her job, you don't have to go through all this emotional turmoil to thank her for doing what she's paid to do. Just don't send it. Even if your wife is fine with it shit's weird in general and more so considering you fucked her.

No. 217657

>>217627
>>217637
Have had my private parts waxed. It hurts! That's all you need to know. They've seen a lot of vag, so don't be embarrassed. I mean, it's normal and everything to be embarrassed, but trust me, after the first patch of wax is removed, you stop caring about that and think oh, god, how much more? The hair does need to be long enough, so that it gets pulled with the root - that's the whole point of waxing. You will have smooth area for around two weeks though, but it depends from person to person.

No. 217667

>>217657
Damn all that pain for only 2 weeks? Sometimes I wonder if laser is the way

No. 217678

maybe incoming retardation

i had sex when i was 14-15 with a guy who was 19 and i'm not sure how to deal with my recent mental happenings about this. in recent years, i'm realizing how much it has been affecting me. despite each time being consensual, all i remember was that we would fuck after an argument, specifically when i was angry at him. it seemed as though he literally only 'started' a relationship with me to have sex. it's been a lot of years since then and i don't really know how to process it. i barely feel comfortable disclosing any of this because i don't really know if i'm a victim of something and telling my friends makes me feel ashamed. i think i have permanent brain damage from the internet because i don't even know what the term 'grooming' entails, and because i consented, it doesn't really feel right. i'm just unsure, i feel like i can't have proper relationships and all of my relationships have felt similar. i guess, am i retroactively recounting all my relationships in a negative way because of this? or am i just overthinking residual hook-up culture shit. i just don't know. i just feel like i'm more or less only someone of value for sex and temporary otherwise. fuck

No. 217764

>>217678
part of grooming is making the minor/younger person think that what they're being forced to do is right and that they consented. could you have wanted it in the moment? sure. kids are fascinated by sex and being "respected" by older people, aka doing things they shouldn't be doing to gain their approval. ask yourself if you'd ever picture yourself being in a relationship with an underage child, 5 years younger than you, as an adult. practically every relationship like that involves manipulation and power imbalance, not just because of the theoretical differences in mental capacity but also because in real life, all the guys who date underage girls are creeps and sociopaths who can't get a naive enough girlfriend in their age range, so they opt in for what's easier to coerce into sex or an intimate relationship.

No. 217793

>>217627
I've had a full Brazilian wax and it was worth it. It did hurt, I found that the upper parts hurt more but my pain tolerance is pretty good so it wasn't that bad. Find yourself a salon with good reviews and look up how to prepare yourself for a appointment. Don't be embarrassed because waxers have truly seen it all. You won't be completely hairless for a long time during your first appointment because of different hair growth cycles but it's such a relief to have most of the hair gone.

I can't afford to have frequent appointments so what I do is go in and start shaving/plucking whenever hair starts coming in. The smoothness lasts about two and a half months until I'm completely back to my hairy self again. You're not supposed to remove hair in between appointments but again this is what I do personally because waxing is expensive and you have to go every 3-4 weeks if you want to maintain it.

No. 217839

>>217793
Please love yourself more

No. 218292

what i’m about to type probably sounds like a thinly veiled fetish post on reddit but it’s not and i really need some thoughts and opinions about this. i posted this on another female only ib but i thought i’d try here too.

i have a 13 year old sister and a 19 year old brother. my sister has been incredibly clingy to my brother and this seems to have increased ever since my brother moved out of home two years ago. when my brother has done a surprise visit to our home my sister often bursts into tears. when he is up visiting or we visit him my sister hangs off his arm the entire time. my brother recently brought up his girlfriend to visit us and my sister got very pissed off. she tried to separate them multiple times, got angry if she saw them talking together by themselves and acted very cold to my brother’s gf, often ignoring her completely and also crying when my brother wouldn’t pay attention to her. we’re now on a family vacation and my sister has been very insistent that she doesn’t want to share a bed with me or our other sister, only my brother, and also kept making comments about how she wishes she could have travelled on vacation just with him, and not with me or the rest of our family.

my brother is very weirded out and i kind of stepped in with the sleeping arrangements to make sure my sister wouldn’t share a bed with him at any point on this vacation because he feels uncomfortable. it’s kind of hard to talk about because neither me or my brother want to put words to what we’re suspecting but is it possible my sister could have a crush on him? i just want to state that my sister is very pure hearted even though she’s 13. she still watches kids movies, doesn’t watch anything over a pg rating and doesn’t have unsupervised access to the internet. she’s a lot more innocent than i was at her age so i really don’t think it’s like a weird thing but it does seem like she has some type of crush on him? unless this is normal? i’ve never experienced this with my siblings and given that i’m the eldest sibling i don’t know what it’s like to be my sister and witness your siblings dating. if anyone has any advice or comments about this this would be greatly appreciated. i don’t want to post about this anywhere else and i’m kind of nervous to google about it for obvious reasons. i’m hoping she grows out of this soon. she seems she really wants my brother’s approval and yesterday she asked my brother if he thought his girlfriend likes her. we told her that she was being a bit rude to her last time she saw her so she should be nicer if she wants his gf to like her lol

No. 218298

>>218292
I think youur brother needs to be very clear about his boundaries with your little sister, including how she behaves towards his gf. You needing to be the one to step in with the sleeping arrangements is weird, that's his job. Plus you being the one who steps in gives your sister the opportunity to put the blame on you in her mind and refuse to acknowledge that your brother thinks her behaviour is inappropriate/weird too. I think your brother making clear that her behaviour
towards him and his gf is inappriopriate and not okay should help burst her crush/whatever it is-bubble.

No. 218302

>>218292
This doesn't sound like a crush-crush or incest, your sister probably has just regular non sexual sibling love for your brother although exacerbated.

Are your parents involved in your sister's education? You don't talk about them at all, and yet it should be their role to tell her about respecting boundaries. If they're not very involved or even just distant it's possible your sister loves your brother like she loves a dad, and is then scared that he might not like her anymore because his girlfriend is stealing the affection she should receive instead. Children raised by single parents often fear the same thing when they parents find a new partner

I don't think it's overall a worrying situation. Your brother could have a talk with her to tell her that he still loves her very much even though he has now less occasions to show it, that he's not going to forget about her just because he has a girlfriend, which means she shouldn't try to constantly draw his attention because it's not necessary; however it's not a necessary talk to have, she'll eventually get it by herself as she grows up (13 is a rather rough age on the mental plan)

No. 218620

How do you pick foundation from shops when there isn't a tester available? Is it pure guesswork? I've never worn foundation for more than an hour and certainly have never bought it myself so I'm a little lost in the sauce. Would any inconsistency in colour be easier to hide if I buy a tinted moisturizer instead?

No. 218659

I need to put on 5kg to get a BBL in a month's time. Any advice on how to put weight on quickly?

I naturally have low appetite and get full easily, so "just eat more" isn't too helpful

No. 218662

File: 1640126746889.jpeg (276.55 KB, 606x2322, D64D605F-1B1A-47DF-94A4-CC11A5…)

>>218659
Have fun

No. 218672

>>218662
ily nonnie, thank you so much!!! I'm also poor af so this is perfect

No. 218677

File: 1640131181549.jpg (37.69 KB, 604x404, jfhj.jpg)

>>218672
>to get a BBL
>poor af

No. 218684

>>218677
Anon must be spending her Christmas on plastic surgery. Just sad.

No. 218693

I'm really struggling to find a Christmas gift for my mom, she is richer than me and has everything already. She has too many candles, enough perfumes, she doesn't really use much makeup, she likes to read but she buys her own books, she also has a tablet.
I'm going crazy! She's in her sixties, enjoys solitude, she's not really religious unlike most mom's in my country. I thought to get her a pen and a notebook but she has a lot. Clothes or shoes are not an option because she's super picky. Jewelry maaaaybe but feels uninspired. Also has subscriptions to Amazon prime, Netflix, etc. She also likes sweets but she can't eat them for health reasons. Help.

No. 218697

File: 1640140799245.jpg (97.13 KB, 1200x1277, 1200px-Mandolin1.jpg)

>>218693
instrument?

No. 218698

>>218697
I like the idea but she's not really into music, which is funny because I'm a musician

No. 218701

>>218693
maybe buy her something consumable that doesn't have sugar, like tea? or if she likes books something "book-ish" like bookends or bookmarks? a gift card to a movie theatre? something sentimental (like something you drew)?

No. 218707

>>218701
thank you nonna! That's a really good idea! I'm gonna make her a little reading package with different blends of tea, a cute cup and bookmarks.

No. 218728

Ladies… Is just not getting my period alone a good reason to see a doctor? I get my period like twice a year and don't have any other health issues

No. 218731

>>218693
Give her something to do instead of something to own. The sauna, a restaurant or cinema giftcard, a ballet performance, a high tea or take her to a cat cafe etc. the options are endless

No. 218743

>>218731
nayrt but I'm also looking for christmas gift and literally all of those things are impossible/closed due to covid right now in my country. Makes it really difficult because I would usually give something to do like that, but all restaurants, saunas, theaters and stores are closed.

No. 218754

>>218693
A cozy pair of socks and a special day where you pamper her and make her food?

No. 218758

>>218743
Oh right lmao, you're 100% right. My country is in lockdown too, I was just stupid enough to forget

No. 218759

>>218728
Yes, it is a very serious symptom by itself that needs to be checked.

No. 218773

>>218759
For what condition for example?

No. 218785

>>218292
i think i have been in your sister's shoes when i was around her age as well.
from birth to middle school i idolized my brother (8 years my senior) and saw him as my role model, i thought he was the coolest person in the world and he was genuinely my favorite person out of all of my family members, so i DID NOT want to share him with anybody else. i REALLY looked up to him.
i remember everytime i would overhear him saying he liked a female celebrity i would go red with rage and open up ms paint and edit them to look dead bloodied and all messed up, or cut out pictures of them from magazines if i could find them and make them look super ugly/moldy/diseased stuff like that LOL.
but on a real note one bad habit of mine was snooping on people's accounts and i remember seeing him get sweet with girls his age and it always made me feel sick to my stomach. when you are that age its really gross ( or to me it was ) but it especially felt bad because i felt like he didnt like me as much anymore; almost a competitive kind of feeling but it wasnt romantic in any way, its just that because we were both girls it meant that we had something in common therefore i had to compete. does that make sense ? my goal in life at the time was to impress him and gain his approval. being in a relationship with him didnt even cross my mind, i just didnt want him to like girls more than he liked me and i got jealous i was all, how can he like them more than me when i have known him for longer? or… how can they think he likes them more than i do when i know more about him… things like that.. now i know that is wrong and impossible.
though, i felt that way too when a guy younger than me addressed him as HIS older brother when they werent related. i wanted to crush him into bits.
sorry i am not the best at articulating my thoughts but i definitely get where your sister is coming from, hopefully she will grow out of it. as for advice, my brother stopped talking to me/giving me attention as much for about 3 years because of this headcase behavior (in other words he put distance). that helped me tremendously to reflect and understand boundaries more. maybe your brother should try that as well. it was hard for me to accept at the beginning but i got used to it, i dont remember him discussing that clearly so i suppose it just sort of happened. if not, then he did in a way that wasnt scarring LOL.
dont make a huge deal out of it and embarrass her and surely it will die down as in, if you make a big deal out of it, it'll mark your sister forever and push her to act even worse potentially making her actually develop something out of guilt.
i dont think this will be of any help to you at all as i am very incoherent but i still wish you the best of luck out there nona, you and your family.

No. 218845

Heeelp!! I bit my lip hard in my sleep I think? Woke up with it a little fat, and a big white blister. Def not a cold sore I don't get those. Anyway I have a dinner to go to in a few hours. Can I pop this sucker or what? Sorry for retard Q.

No. 218922

>>218773
Too many. There are countless thing that cause hormonal disbalance, many serious. It can be anything from anorexia nervosa to ovarian cancer. The doctors need to evaluate all those options.

No. 218928

>>218773
nta but I had that too and it turned out to be a thyroid condition, it could also be PCOS, or possibly iron deficiency. I'm sure there's more. you should def get checked

No. 218968

Should I quit my job? I feel so overwhelmed and unhappy, it doesn't pay well and with covid (my country is on lockdown) it's extra awful. I get very depressed during the wintertime and I can't fucking stand going there anymore. I live with my parents so that's no problem. I just want to neet out for a month or two, until fucking lockdown is over (they refuse to give me vacation days or temporary leave because they're busy)

No. 218981

File: 1640274561855.jpeg (25.53 KB, 561x547, D7918CD3-3C8C-44E1-BEE5-E19AFF…)

Ive got a huge crush on a guy at work and I have no idea how I’m supposed to go about things let alone feel. Genuinely pissed that it’s a work crush because I feel like I’m stuck if that makes sense? Do I ask him out or don’t I, I have no clue at all. So far I’m just trying to keep it neutral between us both and take things day by day but god this crush is rotting my brain

No. 218984

>>218968
Honestly I would, definitely still keep searching for better jobs in the meantime so you don’t shoot yourself in the foot

No. 218986

>>218845
Real vanilla extract, dab a little on the spot. And let it dry. I have no idea why this works better than otc options (for me) but it has for over a decade.

No. 219002

>>218981
If there’s someone else at work you’re friendly with, you could invite them both out to lunch? Opportunity to talk with him more, maybe he opens up in a way that makes the crush subside, maybe not

No. 219003

Sorry but I’m not seeing a sex advice thread specifically! Not super graphic
Someone on here mentioned that if you’re having strap-on sex “correctly” then it feels good for both parties, anyone know what she could have meant? It doesn’t seem like she meant buying one of those cushions, but I can’t imagine how a flat base pressing against the pubis can feel remarkable

No. 219004

>>219003
It means that you have the wrong kind of harness. It should be sitting on where your clit is so you can feel the pressure against it, not on your pubic bone. I think it's more likely to feel pleasurable if you enjoy rubbing up/grinding against something, otherwise if you need to use your hands/vibrators it might not be that great for you. Depends on the person.

No. 219013

>>219003
I've owned a ridiculous amount of strap ons (harnesses and strapless) and tbh after all my efforts.. I'd still rather wait my turn and get stimulation in other ways afterwards. I know some like the connection of you both getting stimulation at the same time but for others it's just a lackluster way of getting stim. I'd rather mentally enjoy myself in the moment and not fiddle about with trying to feel it on my end.

No. 219194

What camera/selfie apps do you guys recommend nowadays? Got a new phone and I'm looking..

No. 219337

File: 1640451532063.jpg (86.49 KB, 720x496, c9s3YI7jrAcj08C9MjstBXNPzuuevQ…)

How does one arouse another through conversation? I've done it various times before unintentionally but idk how i did it or how to do it when I actually want to which ticks me off. I need to learn how to do it because I can't rely on sex appeal :( I have zero

No. 219606

How do I stop mistrusting/looking down on other cis women? All the cis women and girls in my life have ended up being awful to me for some reason and as a result I cannot stand even talking to them. I have tried befriending some online but I have found every single one of them offputting in some way or another. I just don't like their personalities. All of my friends are cis men or trans people. I really need help with this, I know my disdain for cis women is unhealthy, considering I am one myself, but I cannot help it.

No. 219608

>>219606
Google "unlearn internalized misogyny"

No. 219613

>>219606
>""Cis""
>All of my friends are men or trans people
>Hates women
Back to Twitter, Ayden

No. 219622

>>219606
Your ""transmen"" friends are women anon.

No. 219634

>>219606
Maybe explain why you "look down on them" and "just don't like them". Without anything else to go on, it sounds like standard issue jealousy/competition.

No. 219706

>>219606
You are very insecure. Love yourself more and stop hanging around other insecure tards.

No. 219707

>>219606
are your trans friends mostly transwomen (male-born) or transmen (female-born) or either/both? if you're ok with being friends with a transman but not a "cis" woman with the same interests/personality, why is that? i think that's something to unpack in private

No. 219976

>>217764
i keep coming back to this but forgetting to respond. god i just wish i could learn to trust people and their care but it's been hard. my naivete failed to consider how much this would fracture my future self worth kek. thanks nonnie, what you wrote has been super helpful ♥

No. 220021

i have a intense one sided crush on a guy that works in the same building as me, which doesnt bother me but one thing i noticed is a pattern
whenever i like someone, i cannot even imagine them naked, anything sexual or even kissing
he's attractive, i like everything about him but i cant go up to him and confess my liking to him because of that
im scared that something is wrong with me
///sorry for esl post im just overwhelmed.

No. 220038

>>219606
This sounds like a very well masked "You are the problem" situation. Consider that and ask if you genuinely want to do the work to undo it.

No. 220042

>>220021
I don't think anything is wrong with you. It could be that you're anxious with what a romantic relationship entails, namely some kind of sex. If you don't mind me asking, are you a virgin or have had relationships before?

No. 220063

I'm nearly 29 and have never had a romantic relationship

Tried dating apps, could only find people wanting to hook up. I don't enjoy hooking up and it never leads to dates/a relationship

I'm overweight and ugly but I see overweight and ugly people in relationships? My standards aren't that high I'm willing to compromise on appearance and personality. Not sure how I'd be able to develop feelings for someone on my level but…I'm willing to try at least.

No. 220078

>>220063
Why don't you try going to the gym and losing some weight. You'll feel better in general if you do and you might meet someone there as well. Win win.

No. 220079

>>220078
Already losing weight. My weight has gone up and down a lot in the past 15 years.

Couldn't get a date when I was skinny either.

No. 220080

>>220079
Maybe the problem lies in your social skills and not your appearance then?

No. 220081

>>220080
Ugly face and masculine body. Social skills not the best but I can get by and have friends. Personality wise I'm not funny/interesting/witty/whatever people want in a romantic partner

I'm saving up for surgery. Not sure what to do about my trash personality though. I'm so boring. If I try to be fun and interesting it comes off as so forced and awkward because it's just not me.

No. 220085

>>220081
What's the point of surgery if your personality will remain uninteresting? Just looking somewhat better is not gonna get you friends or love, best case scenario you'll get a few one night stands or short and unsatisfying relationships. Sorry for sounding a little cruel but it really seems like a waste of money or at the very least wrong priorities; invest what you're saving in self development, get into some hobbies or activities, therapy maybe, only then consider changing the way you look.

No. 220091

>>216388
>>216399
Have you read Attached? It opened my eyes into why I tend to abandon people whenever I get close.

Maybe start off small. Just text every few days, or meet every few weeks, but keep it consistent. You don't have to jump into full on friendship meeting every day.

No. 220094

>>220085
I can get one night stands now very easily. I feel like both my looks and personality are holding me back. Ugly with great personality is not going to get me a boyfriend either

I'm in therapy and read self help books, but like I just don't know how to be fun.

I see women who can make jokes and come out with interesting things to say and are fun to be around. I can't do any of that, I don't know how. I've tried.

No. 220095

>>220094
do you have any hobbies? I find interesting to talk about stuff like that even if the person is dull.

No. 220096

>>220094
This is the second time you're mentioning "fun". "Fun" is not a priority when it comes to seeking a long-term partner. You want to show you're someone dependable, someone caring, someone you can grow old with.

No. 220098

>>220094
What does "fun" even mean to you? Who are some people you've known who embody the trait? What were some other situations where you felt pressured to be "fun" but failed? Were they with family? At school? With previous romantic interests? What's the opposite of "fun" and why is it so horrible for you to embody this trait instead? Why do you feel this is so integral to your romantic life?

No. 220099

>>220095
Yes I like to draw/paint, I'm a comedy nerd and go to live shows, work on electronics projects etc

I find it hard to talk about these things in a conversation because I find it difficult to put things into words.

>>220096
I guess because I missed out on teenage and 20's dating I still have this idea of romantic relationships being "fun" and passionate and exciting.

Honestly I don't want to find a life partner, I just want to experience dating and romance. I want to have fun and experience emotional intimacy and know what it's like to love someone and have them love me back. I don't care about long-term outcomes.

>>220098
I have friends who embody the manic pixie dream girl "fun" trait. Exciting to be around, funny, clever etc.

In social settings with friends, I fail to be bubbly and giggly and brave and loud. I'm just a stick in the mud kind of person.

I feel like men want women who are fun and exciting, or who at least have interesting things to say.

No. 220102

>>220099
I went through this because I also missed out on teenage fun years and dating.

I ended up taking xanax and going on Tinder dates, and had that exact fun but felt terrible in the morning (even if I didn't sleep with anyone).

I get you're missing out on excitement. I'd recommend joining clubs to do with your hobbies where you can get your excitement from. Do some physical hobby. Most of the time you're too busy trying to perform the sport to focus on how bubbly someone is. Just the adrenaline makes you fun and sociable.

In terms of relationships, a stable relationship is much better than passion. Passion passes and has nothing to do with love.

>I have friends who embody the manic pixie dream girl "fun" trait. Exciting to be around, funny, clever etc.

Find a role model. Could be your friend, or a TV character, or a female celeb that acts like how you want to act. And just copy them. Practice talking about your passions in the mirror until it's natural.

No. 220103

>>220099
I wouldn't want to be someone's "experience" they just missed out on. It's dehumanizing. That's not how you love someone.

No. 220106

>>220102

I don't think physical hobbies can make up for missing out on the kind of fun people have when they're young

I just want to have any kind of relationship, unstable or stable as long as it's not abusive

>Find a role model. Could be your friend, or a TV character, or a female celeb that acts like how you want to act. And just copy them. Practice talking about your passions in the mirror until it's natural.


I'll keep trying that. Right now it feels forced and awkward but I'll continue practicing.

>>220103
The other person would be looking for the same thing too, so it's not like I'd be using them

I have no idea what love even is. I want to experience passion and romance and my feelings being reciprocated

No. 220107

>>220106
>I have no idea what love even is.
Yeah, I can tell.

No. 220109

>>220106
>I don't think physical hobbies can make up for missing out on the kind of fun people have when they're young
Well if you're not young you won't be able to have that exact young person experience. You can't replicate it completely but you can do similar things.

>I have no idea what love even is. I want to experience passion and romance and my feelings being reciprocated

You won't get that through no-commitment stuff.

I understand completely. I was/am in your situation. It's especially difficult now because covid doesn't really let you meet new people as freely as before. It feels like I can't have spontaneous fun anymore.

The closest I got to "teenage fun" as an adult was going on a solo trip to Greece and meeting boys on a boat and off Tinder. The novelty and strangers was the key, I suppose. There's no pressure because no one knows you. You can make up a personality without your old one holding you back. Maybe try that once you can travel freely?

No. 220110

>>220109
>Well if you're not young you won't be able to have that exact young person experience. You can't replicate it completely but you can do similar things.

I'm nearly 29. I guess that's kinda young. What are the similar things I can do? Because physical hobbies/sports are not similar to the experience I want to have.

>You won't get that through no-commitment stuff.


I don't want no commitment stuff. I want commitment but I don't want seriousness or no excitement.

>The closest I got to "teenage fun" as an adult was going on a solo trip to Greece and meeting boys on a boat and off Tinder. The novelty and strangers was the key, I suppose. There's no pressure because no one knows you. You can make up a personality without your old one holding you back. Maybe try that once you can travel freely?


Haven't had luck on tinder so far, can only find people wanting casual sex or threesomes

No. 220111

>>220110
How do you think dating works… the commitment doesn't kick in 4 seconds after locking eyes in a darkened room lmao. Overall sounds like you just want a magical exciting romance with no effort. Wrt being a miserable bore, if you like comedy shows why don't you just copy their bits?

No. 220112

>>220111
Well commitment doesn't happen after casual sex for sure! In my early twenties I hooked up with guys hoping it would turn into a relationship, needless to say it didn't work lmao

I'm willing to make an effort to get the magical exciting romance I just don't want to waste time hooking up with people because it leads nowhere.

uhh, I don't think I'd be able to deliver bits authentically, and copying bits from comedy is kind of weird, and anyway the kind of comedy I like doesn't really involve actual jokes I'm into the more absurdist stuff…

There might be a way to become wittier. I'll keep practicing.

No. 220113

>>220112
I feel like my personality is very similar to yours. I too, enjoy absurdist stuff, art, gaming, tech etc. I'm not very bubbly and I sometimes blend into the background.
I met my current bf through a friend of a friend. He actually liked how awkward I was and how 'chill and down to earth' I seemed. He said it was refreshing talking to someone who didn't try to be upbeat etc.
Honestly, fate is cruel. You can wait and wait for years and not find someone. But they will find you. My only advice is to continue going out with your friends. Thats how I met my bf, simply by going out to bars/nights out with mates. You don't have to force yourself on dating apps or do all this 'go to the gym and meet someone' bullshit. Just keep hanging out and doing your own thing. Trying to actively follow some self help manual or copying others may just put you into a more confusing state, and blocking a potential someone from seeing the real you. Someone will link up to you I promise.

No. 220114

>>220113
Thanks.

No. 220122

>>220114
>>220113
I disagree. Waiting for life to serve you man via bar nights and going out is unrealistic. Sometimes it works, in some rare lucky cases like yours. But for most of us socially inept, boring people it's a lost cause. As trite as it sounds you need to put yourself out there. Be it dating apps/sites, hobbies, events, travelling or whatever.

No. 220131

Anons what's a good trade to get into? I have given up any hope that I will pursue a career that I'm passionate about and now I don't really care anymore, I just want a stable job with stable income.

No. 220148

>>220131
Paralegal, Pharmacy technician, Cisco certified reseller.

No. 220150

>>220099
Anon, I know exactly how you feel. I also get really self-conscious about my personality and it sometimes really affects my self-esteem. I see myself as reserved and serious, not very spontaneous or "fun." Whenever I'm with my friends I always compare myself to them and wish I was as cute, nice, spunky, energetic, etc.

You think of yourself as a person who isn't "fun" (just like I do), but what about when you're with your friends? I think it's about perspective. Maybe to a business bro who parties all the time I'd be considered a stick in the mud and not a lot of "fun," but when I'm talking to a guy who I share interests with I can come up with a lot of things to say and it's easy for me to joke around and loosen up. I know it's really easy to focus on your negative traits and define yourself by them, but what about times when you have been sociable and fun? What are you like then? What factors were present that allowed you to act that way? Being "fun" doesn't always mean being the life of the party either. Some guys are going to like bubbly, extroverted girls and you probably aren't going to be their type, but there are also going to be guys who aren't into those types of girls and are going to like your vibe as long as you aren't self-defeating and insecure (easier said than done, I know).

No. 220154

>>220148
Ty nona!

No. 220274

>>220042
i have never been in a relationship before and am a virgin, but i have no problem with sexual thoughts, its just that my ''urges'' vanish when i take a liking to someone, my brain refuses to think about them sexually or romantically. i am physically attracted and emotionally attracted to him so theres no problem there either
not anxious about sex either

No. 220276

>>220274
>i am physically attracted to him
>i cannot even imagine them naked, anything sexual or even kissing
Then how does your attraction manifest, if not in sexual thoughts? I am so confused

No. 220277

>>220276
i just like him thats it, i find him attractive, sexy etc, but i have no desire to do anything sexual with him
i did before, but not now
i still like him in the same way but the urge and want just vanished and i feel an ick thinking about him sexually now. the sexual attraction just vanished.

i dont even know thats why im here

No. 220281

>>220277
Hm. You know what that reminds me of? Performance anxiety. Only a mental variant.
Other anon above >>220042 also thought it has something to do with anxiety, I think she's right

No. 220398

>>220277
i have almost the same problem as you anon. are you able to think about yourself sexually at all, or does this only happen with guys you're attracted to?

No. 220476

Let's say there are two guys
1 of them kinda schlubby, but nice dick and a lot more accessible
1 of them prettier, not an adonis or anything but definitely what you're looking for, just less accessible

Is it more shallow to be with the accessible person just for sex or is it more shallow to want to be with someone you're actually attracted to?

This isn't a conundrum I'm currently in, I'm just wondering

No. 220485

>>220476
I think it depends on your priorities. Obviously you shouldn't fuck anyone you're not attracted to. Are you looking for a relationship or just sex?

No. 220492

>>220476
The answer is who the fuck cares what's "shallow". You're allowed to be "shallow", picky, stick to standards etc. In fact, women should do it way, WAY more. Absolutely do not fuck a man you don't find attractive."Nice dick" doesn't mean shit and isn't a special trait that's rare and interesting.

No. 220494

>>220476
Go for what your attracted to if this is what you're choosing between. The pay off is always better when you're not settling.

No. 220530

File: 1640969924101.jpeg (664.4 KB, 828x1102, DDF6FF79-0097-4F62-B9AE-FEC6CC…)

I have a WIBTA question

For the last ~5 years I’ve spent NYE with my grandparents since nobody else would. I’m really close to my siblings, and my grandparents have always been very grouchy so I didn’t have the best time, but they felt lonely otherwise and they love me a lot.
My grandpa passed last year, my grandma is now about to get treatment for her cancer, and today she just told me that my biological father and his “new family” are coming to celebrate NYE. I absolutely do not want to start the year with them, especially since I wanted 2022 to be my “healing/getting better/actually living” year (I’m closing my LDR gap after years, getting therapy, and I’ve secured a job in my bf’s country).

I’ve been my grandma’s main caregiver for the past month and I feel guilty whenever I want to go outside, because that means she’s alone (she says everyone else has a job and I don’t, plus I live with her, so it’s my duty). It’s a small dark apartment so I don’t see sunlight for days at a time, and it’s really affecting my already feeble mental state. I just turned 20 and I feel so exhausted constantly, my sleep pattern has gone to absolute shit.

WIBTA if I celebrated the new year with my siblings and my close family instead? It’s just a 5 minute walk away, but I’m scared of ending up being the massive asshole because I’m caring about my well-being for once

No. 220531

>>220530
Sage for samefagging

Additionally, my grandma’s health has improved since I’ve been taking care of her, but at the expense of what seems like me as a person. All I do is take care of her and the chores, sleep, play sometimes. I don’t even eat more than one meal a day. Recently before that I was diagnosed with severe depression, and this is the opposite of what my doctor told me to try. So, WIBTA if I just… left? I planned to close my LDR gap in March, but she’s clearly going to have the same needs, and I’m starting to feel resentful for having my life delayed once again since COVID has already done that for over a year.
I’ve lived with her for two years, trying to help but she would barely let me, now I have to “pay off” the debt of having lived there by caregiving until the end.
Nobody else is available, or so they say, and my aunt doesn’t even talk to her. So she’d most likely be alone and I’d look (and feel) like a piece of shit.

Plus I have a mild paranoia of my biological father, who’s a vindictive asshole I regret trusting, getting angry and telling my (scary latina) mother that I’ve been meeting my boyfriend without her permission, even tho I’m an adult and don’t even live with her, which would 100% ruin my relationship with her.

No. 220545

>>220485
>>220492
>>220494
just a 'thought experiment' but i appreciate the input

No. 220579

File: 1640996521051.jpeg (53.3 KB, 674x455, 20660BAE-0F82-4EBB-8B46-1AA7E2…)

Any anons have advice on coming out of your shell and not feeling like the odd man out? New Years is always a hard time for me because even when I’m with a big group of people I feel like the odd person out bc I’m usually the friend of the friend that’s just tagging along. I also don’t have a group of long-term friends that I’m a part of and no matter what I feel like I’m lacking because of it. I want to be better in 2022, I want to be confident and actually feel good about myself. Any advice? Do daily affirmations work bc I think that’s my next best option.

No. 220589

does anyone know where being insecure stems from? especially being insecure in your looks? i wonder what went wrong in my childhood that made me turn out as a very insecure adult, i emphasize looks because for some reason i put a lot of my self worth on my looks, i'm insecure in general but definitely most insecure about my looks maybe because as a kid i was only praised for my intelligence and grades but never for my looks (granted i was an ugly child) but its not a fulfilling explanation, i always wonder how i would end up if i had different parents.

No. 220592

>>220589
idk anon my parents were the same, lots of praise for my brains rather than my looks, but I feel like that significantly contributed to my high self esteem as an adult (not as a teenager, I was wildly insecure then but grew out of it). Not high self esteem like "I'm so hot", more like "I might not be hot but that's okay because looks aren't everything". It's not like they thought I was ugly, it's just that they never prioritised it over my other traits.

I don't think insecurity as a woman is easy to escape no matter your circumstances, you have to be very thick skinned or very isolated from the constant, intense external pressure to be attractive. Certain industries make a lot of money from our insecurity and men benefit from insecure partners so there's no way they'd just let us be confident in ourselves.

No. 220597

Happy new year nonas and ive noticed that any minor inconvinience i get, i become terribly anxious and start overthinking. Help

No. 220605

>>220579
Tbfh, just do things you want to do when you want to do them. I spent a whole part of my life denying myself doing or getting certain things because I was anxious about not having people to do them with. Idk if my brain chemistry changed as I got older but now I mostly focus on my thoughts and not on what I think other people are thinking of me. Like I used to get anxiety about going out in public or something but now I think am I even going to remember this random Tuesday five years from now? Prob not

No. 220607

>>220398
its only the guys i get attracted to, i have an easy time if its just an infatuation or a celeb crush, but my mind goes haywire when i know the person

glad to see im not the only one

No. 220615

I don't want to be a NEET anymore but it seems so impossible to break out of this. I don't have any friends and I barely talk to anyone.

How can I become more social when I'm terrible at speaking and I don't know what to say? I have nothing to bring to a conversation. I know I have to just "put myself out there", but when you do, people ask questions and I have no answers. I don't do anything or go anywhere. My hobbies will fill about 5 minutes of airtime.

I'm also emotionally and intellectually immature for my age. How can I catch up?

I wish someone would make a 'return to society' guide.

No. 220618

>>220615
Rather than worrying about your own contributions to a conversation, it’s much easier to practice asking questions and following up. People love talking about themselves, and having interest showed in what they have to say will endear them to you. You don’t need to follow up with any personal anecdotes either, just respond with emotion-based thoughts (i.e. “wow, that’s crazy, what did you do afterwards?”, “no way! I’d have no idea what to do in that situation haha”, etc).

The nice thing about this is that your conversation partner will probably be more willing to forgive some awkwardness on your end once they’re in a good mood from talking about themselves. That’s the best time to practice.

Also, honesty is pretty much always the best policy. When someone asks you what you think about something and you have no idea what to think, just say that. Don’t feel embarrassed about not knowing stuff. It takes a little practice, but once you get used to it, it’ll actually boost your confidence overall. When you feel like you have nothing to hide, you won’t get embarrassed making the occasional social mistake. Just own it and move on. Good luck. It’ll take time, but if you keep coming back to it you’ll reach your goal eventually!

No. 220627

How to deal best with a toxic ass roomie? I might be toxic too, I can't really tell what is reality anymore I feel constantly gaslighted. One time she is extremely sweet and the next moment she gets really rude, screams at me for seemingly no reason. I guess I trigger her or something. We are friends for a very long time but our friendship was always toxic.
I know it would be best to just move out and I will try but its hard to find a new home atm.
I tried talking and I tried to be nice and tried to confront but nothing changes. Now I made the decision that I don't want her in my life anymore. Its hard because as I said sometimes she is extremely sweet.
My question is how to distance myself from her so her behaviour doesn't hurt me so much? And how to be strong enough to resist when she is all lovey dovey to me? (She gets extremely angry when I tell her no when she offers me something nice)

No. 220642

>>220615
I was a hikikomori for two years, after which I was slowly able to return to society. First I focused on going outside with regularity, just once a day. Then I enrolled in my local university, took some courses online to reacquaint myself with school, and eventually transitioned to in-person classes. Now I have student employment at a call center— a job I never imagined I could do, much less enjoy. Because the interactions are highly structured, I don't mind talking to strangers all day, and my coworkers are easy enough to get along with. I have hope for the future and I've left NEETdom completely behind.

What helped me the most was reconciling with the sometimes unfortunate fact that I will never be how society expects me to be. I'll never be a cute, hot, sociable normie who goes to parties and has tons of friends. Honestly, I don't like to socialise and I prefer to go straight home after work/school. I basically only need one companion at a time to meet my social needs, and I feel most comfortable dressed weird with no makeup and messy hair. Just because my satisfaction is abnormal doesn't mean it's bad or wrong. I'm a creep I'm a weirdo, yeah, but whatever, get it?

>>220618 has given you the best conversational advice, so I won't rehash. Attention is the greatest gift you can give someone. All I'd add is that while it's good to give everybody a chance, especially while you still feel a need to "practice" socialising, don't waste your time and energy on people who make you feel bad just because they're willing to talk to you. Not worth it.

No. 220697

>>220642
>>220618
Thank you so much for the replies. I'm going to try my best to get out of this.

No. 220726

I think I have a herniated disk. My lower back and the back of my legs hurt like hell. So do all of my joints.

No. 220942

How do you develop interest in something new? Or get a hobby? And how do you retain interest?
I would say my hobby is video games, but even then I just play the same fps over and over again. I enjoyed film for a while but I can't seem to find movies I like anymore, I lose interest after the first 30 minutes.
I don't have my own personality really, I got into an abusive relationship at 15 and left about 3 years ago. I copied everything he did, from games to music. I have a new bf now but I feel like such a boring partner, he has these interesting hobbies such as car engineering, hacking, gaming (complicated strategy games) and so on. But I just browse gossip and watch the same videos and play the same game all the time. I know I have a lot of unresolved mental problems, and I'm trying my best to take care of myself physically, but I really do lack the whole 'interests and hobbies' part in my life. I also don't have any friends so I can't really ask anyone to help.

No. 220944

>>220942
Samefag but I should add, part of my problem is that I get incredibly overwhelmed the moment something takes effort??? For example, I tried getting a book out from the library recently and it was by a famous author, but I couldn't get past a few pages as I just stopped paying attention and didn't want to continue reading. Any time I try something new I simply can't keep myself focused. Which is super odd as I can become so fixated on certain dumb bullshit, but not on something new and different.

No. 220946

>>220944
You just have to force yourself and get through it. Set a timer or a limit of some sort and do it. There's no magic pill.

No. 220947

>>220946
Yeah you are right, thank you.

No. 220948

>>220530
Does your grandma have living children? Then it's not your job to take care of her. Move out when you get the chance to.

No. 220972

>>220944
No shade, you sound autistic or like you have ADHD. At the very least you have low self esteem. It's very concerning that you struggle with anything new or anything that requires effort. That's not something you can just force your way through when you don't understand the underlying cause. Did you ever get any therapy after your abusive relationship? Your home life probably wasn't great either if you ended up in such a bad way as a teenager. I think this goes deeper than just "being boring" and more like you have some serious trauma to work through.

If you didn't want therapy, I would suggest self help books, but reading is an issue. Honestly you might have a lot of difficulties even just searching for a therapist to help you. I'd advise you to ask your boyfriend for support and maybe do it together so you have someone to lean on when you feel overwhelmed.

No. 220975

>>220972
Thank you friend, I appreciate your input a lot.

No. 220977

>>220972
I should respond to the questions you asked.
I had problems focusing from a young age, I was very academic in certain fields, gaining a scholarship into uni even, but in other fields, I simply can't retain any focus. I do believe I have very low self esteem, I've struggled with alcohol addiction and such. I didn't get therapy after my relationship, I tried seeing a psychologist but he just gave me heaps of CBT papers and I couldn't focus on reading them tbh. My home life was good and bad, I'm an only child from a poor immigrant family, my parents struggled a lot growing up and I take everything very personally and I remember crying a lot.
I bought jordan petersons book and my bf started reading it to me and I really enjoyed how objective he was about the mind but we have not read it in so long that I've lost the self help spark so to say.
Thank you for your advice, I will definitely think about these points and see what I can do.

No. 220981

>>220972
I have ADHD too and I'm in therapy but the cure for not doing things is…doing them. CBT, talk therapy and meds can help give you motivation and energy. They can lessen anxiety around starting tasks. It makes the process slightly easier, but you still need to practice self discipline. When I asked my therapist on how to get better at starting tasks, hobbies etc. she told me to just do it. Immediately, not in 5 minutes or 10 or tomorrow. Set a timer, and don't look at anything else. Go to a different room in the house or the library if you have to. Install web site blockers on your phone and pc. Practice makes perfect and the more you stick to it the easier it will get.

No. 221017

>>220942
>>220944
Can relate 100%. I recently realized that if I did not force myself to do stuff, I would just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. Even when it comes to hobbies or interests, I have to force myself to do them.

Download a habit tracker app or start a bullet journal and create goals for yourself. They could be even tiny things that require effort. I literally wrote down all the movies I've been planning to watch for years as goals because if I didn't I'd never watch them.

Not sure what this is but I decided to think of it as learned passivity. I grew up with a helicopter parent who didn't have the patience to wait for me to make decisions and do stuff for myself, so she made them for me and did them herself so in my case I think it stems from this. I didn't have the chance to learn self-discipline.

Good news is, this is just a learned behaviour that you have to unlearn by building new habits. You can do it!!

No. 221021

>>221017
Nayrt but thank you very much for this post. My childhood and adolescence were exactly the same, but for some reason I never connected the dots. No wonder it takes so much effort to get up and do fun things. You've inspired me to push myself harder, anon. Thanks again.

No. 221200

File: 1641292514860.jpeg (35.76 KB, 739x415, D8B2046A-AC54-4C3A-8541-B70E7B…)

Do any motorcycle gang lesbians have tips on how to be a good passenger? My bf just bought a new bike and wants to take me for a ride this weekend and I’m kind of freaking out about it. My uncle was badly injured in a motorbike accident before I was born and my grandma has been an absolute freak about them ever since and told all her grandchildren that motorcycles are terrible and we’re “forbidden” from riding them. I know they’re completely safe and he’s got 10 years riding experience but I’m still really anxious. What can I do to make myself as little of an imposition as possible?

No. 221256

File: 1641312723074.jpg (41.16 KB, 624x416, Tumblr_l_100802235456.jpg)

Nonnies I made a new friend and she's this really cool artist that likes all the same things as me. She seems so sweet and she even brought me soup when I was sick recently. Funny enough when I was eating some and browsing /m/'s bad art thread, I came across a drawing of hers. I know it's hers because I saw it in person about a week prior. It's on her Instagram but she has very few following her and the post itself has very low engagement. The post was made months after the original art was posted, but 2-3 days before we met for the first time. I've been trying to figure out if she self posted here of if she has a terrible friend with a vendetta. I posted a meme about PT on one of my accounts a few days ago and she responded, I asked her if she knew of PT and she said she didn't until now. I don't know what to believe. Is she here?! Did I make a real life friend through circumstance and she seriously is also a farmer? I don't know what to say about it. Her art being posted here just keeps popping in my head. If she is a farmer, we are going to be best friends I can feel it. If not she might think I'm a little crazy and if that's the case I definitely can't let on that I'm here because what if she thinks this place sucks? I'm over here like Harriet the Spy trying to figure out if she's here or not. If you are and you're reading this, stop playing games with me and let's draw pixiteri fan art together please. I've been praying to God for this mess of COVID to clear up and also begged him to deliver me a woman who I could bond with since I live with only men and have for years now. I'm losing my mind. IS FRIEND REAL? IS FRIEND FARM? IS FRIEND HERE? Help, what do..

No. 221263

>>221256
God this is cute. I hope she is a farmer and it isn't something that would upset her when you tell her. I mean, you have to tell her, right? Best wishes to both nonnies!

No. 221267

>>221256
Man, how lucky if you found a farmer in the wild. I hope you bring each other many soups and enjoy each other’s based company.

No. 221276

File: 1641318218761.jpeg (36.94 KB, 400x400, BF074A87-2948-49C6-9833-DF853A…)

My bf is gonna try to quit smoking cigarettes. I know nicotine withdrawals can really suck and expect him to be a bit grumpy/irritable initially. Is there anything I can do to help or be supportive?

No. 221277

>>221263
>>221267
If she is then she really is heaven sent! Even if she isn't, I'm so glad I made a friend I can relate to. If I find out that she is I will absolutely update you all.

No. 221278

File: 1641318589906.jpg (517.08 KB, 756x744, 1638050185696.jpg)

>>221256
I don't know how to help you anon, but I feel weirdly invested so please keep us updated if you ever know the truth

No. 221279

I've been seeing this guy for a few months that I'm really into. I'm trying to not get ahead of myself but I do see a potential LTR and future with him.

His family is really dysfunctional. His sister is a drug addict and mother to 2 young girls. I'm an only child and have no kids so I'm not really sure how to proceed, but he essentially is the only parent the girls have known.

I'm not sure what I can do to prepare.. are parenting classes a thing? Books to read? I'm so out of my wheelhouse here as I've never dated anyone seriously with kids. Even though they're not his, he takes on many responsibilities for them.

Thanks nonnies

No. 221280

>>221276
Just keep his mind off it, don't bring it up. Stop him if he goes for them.

No. 221281

>>221256
I've posted things in the bad art thread from artists with few followers and little engagement on their posts, it's pretty easy to happen upon that kind of art.

No. 221285

>>221279
You probably don't wanna hear this but don't, seriously. Taking care of those kids is not your responsibility, don't make it your responsibility. And should it ever come to it, you won't have any legal say about them. If anything bothering with the parenting of the kids may lead to problems within your relationships. If you really want to date that guy you can do so while remaining on the sidelines regarding the kids (that aren't even his!).

No. 221288

>>221285
Happy for any advice, I appreciate your answer. Even if not full on parenting, I do want to be a positive female role model for them since their mom isn't. Especially the older girl as she's a preteen. I just don't know where to start and it's a bit intimidating

No. 221313

>>221279
Take it easy nonna, you said yourself that you’ve only been seeing this guy for a few months. I know you really like this guy, but if you spend all this time getting invested in his nieces only for you two to break up and you never seeing them again, that’s going to do a lot more harm than good. I would save any thoughts of being a role model for these girls until you two are married. You can be the cool girlfriend for the time being, but I would be very careful about trying to mother these girls, especially if their bio mom is defensive about her drug use and one of those addicts who swears that her kids are her world. Proceed with caution.

No. 221325

File: 1641330290269.jpeg (386.86 KB, 828x916, 604C48B9-5568-4660-87F4-AC2421…)

I think I’ve hit my self-love phase. I feel good about myself and my looks for the first time in a long time, I just got a big cash boost from my Christmas bonus and vouchers as gifts, and everything seems to be going right for me, but I also have enough sense left to know that there is more room for improvement. What are the best ways I can capitalise on this sudden burst of confidence and new-found small fortune?

No. 221330

>>221279
>seeing this guy for a few months
I think you are getting ahead of yourself tbh. I've dated someone with kids before and even then… you break up and you're gone just like that. Trying to play any significant role that early on in those circumstances too just.. it often backfires when you're taken away again. That needs consideration.

I don't know if he's putting any pressure on you or if it's just you but I'd slow down. Harsh as this is, you're not anything to these kids and at this stage it's too up in the air to get invested and risk being another person who leaves them.

No. 221385

>>221200
Can do grip exercises, have a good grip between your fingers if you're holding around his waist, or do some stretches if you're holding the bars behind you so your wrists don't ache

No. 221393

>>220942
Create a to-do-list daily is the only suggestion that I have tbh it is what I do and is how I force myself to do things that once I begin, I love

No. 221399

Does anyone have tips for healthy ways to lose weight quickly (at least by this summer/fall) for someone who doesn't have enough free time to hit the gym? I'm adjusting my diet and plan on taking walks when I'm not overworked

No. 221401

>>221399
I’m not an expert but I did lose 10 pounds in 3 months basically by accident. Ana-chans don’t look. I was broke so I was only eating twice a day (11am and some time in the evening) but this only worked because I was working evenings and could sleep through my whole morning. If you’re working full time would not recommend I also had no money for snacks and went from eating a bag of chips or candy bar or buying a sugary coffee every day to only eating at meal times. My go-to hunger buster was baked beans on toast, it kept me full until dinner and is a good balance of protein and carbs.
In terms of exercise, consistency is key. A little bit often does way more than a lot at one time. Try and get one in every day, doesn’t matter if it’s a quick lap around the block or an hour-long mountain hike, something is better than nothing. Good luck nonna!

No. 221405

Didn't see a sex thread, so I'm asking here: tips/tricks to achieve maximal pleasure/orgasm as a heterosexual woman? Anything is welcome, I want to hear your thoughts, although I obviously won't want to involve any other people and I don't feel comfortable with toys. But if you have any tips or videos or websites about how to give oral sex to a woman or make her orgasm or just ANYTHING that you think is true and works, please share. I want to teach my boyfriend well lol

No. 221430

>>221405
There is a sex advice thread. You can use the search option or ctrl+f in catalog to find specific threads
>>>/g/133562

No. 221432

>>221399
Whenever I want to lose weight quickly I skip breakfast and eat only soup for days. Probably not healthy though

No. 221436

>>221430
It exceeded 1200 posts and I don't have the confidence to start a new thread yet, sorry. But I might since I suppose the ones on /g/ have less rules than on the gossip boards

No. 221440

>>221401
I don't know why your spoilered would be considered triggering, this is what a lot of fit people do they just dress it up with the hipster term of "intermittent fasting." I'm just not hungry in the morning so I never eat breakfast and have a modest lunch with a big dinner. Your comment about eating healthier/cutting out shitty snacks if you have no self control (no judgement, I can't have certain foods around either) is good, otherwise anon should eat at whatever times help keep her full and feel natural. It doesn't really matter how you break food up throughout the day so long as you don't feel like you're starving yourself.

>>221399
If you want to do this safely and effectively then find a website to calculate your TDEE, subtract 500 calories from that amount, then use an app to track your daily calories. Ex if your TDEE is 1800 then eat 1300 calories a day instead. Doing this you'll lose 2 lbs a week and that is the fastest amount you can lose at a time in a healthy way. If you feel super hungry at that amount then do a deficit of 300 instead, you'll lose ~1 lb a week and feel less desperate for food. You can include exercise or not, you will lose weight this way with or without it although obviously you'll look better if you attempt some sort of strength training at the same time.

No. 221441

>>221440
>Doing this you'll lose 2 lbs a week
1lb you mean. 500 cal deficit x 7 days = 3500 which is approx 1lb

No. 221460

>>221399
Bad advice: do amphetamines for a few days, you'll be unable to eat then afterwards will have a loss of appetite.
Good advice: buy some basic weights, when you watch your shows or anime or youtube vids lift to it, do 10 minutes straight

No. 221513

One of my friends is really getting on my nerves. She's not a bad person or a bad friend, but whenever the conversation turns to one of her interests (e.g. makeup, skincare, exotic pets), she becomes really bossy and superior, as if I don't know what I'm talking about. She doesn't really listen to what I'm saying when she gets like this and instead grills me on basic questions and tries to find fault with everything I'm saying. It's particularly bad with makeup: because she helped me once with an extreme costume look (I was a mime for Halloween that year), she now seems convinced that I am a hopeless dunce who is always in need of her guidance when it concerns makeup, and now skincate too. Is there a way to politely inform her she's being a brat? I don't trust myself to be anything but blunt if I confront her about this right now, which is probably not the right approach for someone like her.

No. 221518

>>221513
Probably not want to want to hear but when people are blunt to a point of rudeness.. sometimes you just have to get blunt right back with them. I know what it's like to have that politeness mode deep set in you but ime blunt people need to hear what they sound like. If they don't like it or react badly just remind them they sound like that too.

It can go wrong if they're stubborn but imo it's better than a friendship or relationship where you tiptoe. One sided tiptoeing around feelings is a bad sign.

No. 221521

>>221518
>>221513
Yeah just be blunt. Don't have to be mean, just honest. I can get a bit autismal about certain topics without realizing it, and I'd prefer if people would call me out because it's hard to realize you're doing it sometimes. From my perspective I'm sharing knowledge and helping someone, from theirs I'm being an annoying know it all.

No. 221557

>>221441
You're right I fucked up my ratios, appreciate the fix

No. 221745

I didn't had a rl friend since nearly 10 years. Usually I'm pretty happy with my lonely
lifestyle, but from time to time I wish I had someone I could share hobbys and interests with. Like, going for a walk, eating at a cool restaurant, doing a diy, drawing, playing
Animal Crossing… But idk where I can find someone with the same interests.
I'm a quiet and shy person, don't like to party and I don't drink alcohol and most people
I met are all about those things. Sometimes I feel like I will never find a person that
could be my friend, because they sit inside all day and are to shy to met anyone new (like me).

Already tried an app for finding friends nerby, but everyone I matched with couldn't even be bothered to write a reply that's longer than two words or ask me a question (and I really
tried to find a good conversation topic and ask interesting questions). It was all so one
sided I stopped using the app.

Does anyone have a good idea how I can get in contact with people that are introverts and
prefer to sit at home playing AC or drawing or baking instead of going to a party?

No. 221808

>>221745
Join an arts course, drawing, painting, etc. There are introverted but nice people there and you'll have something in common. Just chit chat with someone and then hang out at a coffee shop nearby after the course is over.

If you live in an apartment you can also befriend your neighbors, if you have a neighbor you're close to you can hang out pretty much anytime unlike other friends where you have to plan meet ups.

No. 221849

Lately I have been thinking about my aversion to female friendships and I really want to change that. I get along with guys better than girls. When I’m around women I get scared and intimidated.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this is because of bullying, I was bullied so badly when I was in school and had only 1 or maybe 2 secure friendship with a girl, when I say secure I don’t mean just close but I mean that I felt comfortable around them and I didn’t feel judged since I was friends with other girls but I couldn’t be myself around them. A lot of girls that I grew up with were basically bullies.

I don’t want to sound like a NLOG but I rarely come across another woman with the same hobbies as me and when I do we don’t click. A lot of friendships that I have with women feel very superficial or basic I don’t know how to describe it but if we’re surrounded by guy friends it feels even more fake. and it doesn’t help that I just don’t know how to talk to women or that I just feel so scared and start seeing red flags. It doesn’t help that I come across a lot of bad women that loved to cause problems.
So idk, how can I get over this dumb fear?

No. 221952

>>221849
Realize women are not a monolith and start giving people chances? Not trying to be dismissive (especially since I and a lot of women have dealt with internalized misogyny), but as you acknowledged yourself a lot of your issues are stemming from personal preconceptions ruining opportunities before you give women a chance. I'm willing to bet your friendships with men aren't all that "deep" either in that you don't have long heart to hearts with them, they just feel easier and safer to you at the moment. The whole thing about your fear of bullying and backstabbing is alleviated by having boundaries just like you should with men. Know what sort of behaviors you will/won't tolerate and stick to them. Don't want to deal with someone who's flighty? Drop them if they're continually late. Don't want to hang with someone who gossips? Drop them if they start badmouthing people. And so on. Bad people won't have a chance to hurt and manipulate you if you know where you stand and don't allow them continual access into your life. That's the difference between being an adult who gets to choose who she spends time with and a kid who has to repeatedly go to school with the same assholes.
>I rarely come across another woman with the same hobbies as me
I think the idea of having shared interests with friends is overrated. It's more about having compatible personalities. In fact, having different tastes can help introduce you to new things. I have a good amount of "masculine" hobbies too but I'd rather brain myself than have to listen to a scrote sperg about vidya, MMA and motorcycles. When my female friends don't know as much about those things as I do, we either discuss other topics or they'll humor me by listening because they know it's meaningful to me. Just like I do for them. It's not boring even if I'm not personally invested because I genuinely enjoy hearing their perspectives and learning about what excites them.

Most people, men and women alike, will not be the perfect fit as friends. Not because you or they are bad, but because finding people you gel with is hard. Making friends requires continual effort, but imo is infinitely more worth it with women because overall they're more trustworthy, intelligent and understanding than men.

No. 221958

How can I overcome my internet addiction? I can't stand one minute of boredom without meaningless browsing something

No. 221962

how do i start treating men on dating apps like people? even if i find someone whose looks i like i forget im attracted to them the moment i close the app and it feels like im talking to avatars instead of people no matter what they write.

No. 221976

>>221958
Have you seen The Social Dilemma? They talk mostly about social media rather than the internet as a whole, but maybe their detox methods will help you.
https://www.thesocialdilemma.com/social-media-reboot/
There is also a thread somewhere in /ot/ about getting away from technology or something. Try the catalog.

I think it's important, too, that you uncover and heal from whatever void in your life drives you to escapism via digital means. Maybe you need therapy.

No. 221992

My friend is obsessed about a guy she hooked up with _two years ago_.

She met this guy on tinder and they hooked up two times. I admit he's handsome and I bet he was hooking up with other girls when they were seeing each other. Also, they were drinking heavily on both occasions.
So basically it was just a drunken hookup.

He "left" her with a standard message "I'm going to focus on my mental health blah blah blah"
and my friend was devastated. But for some reason, she never got over it.

She barely knew him and she still mentions him in daily basis. She talks about him in a very childish way like he's actually prince charming. Ie. we walk past to wedding boutique and she comments the dress in window: maybe I'll wear this kind of dress when me and ((the guy)) get married!" and laughs it off.
I'm not even sure if it's a joke at this point.

Sometimes she says actually scary things like "I think I wouldn't leave even if he beats me". Our mutual friend was in a relationship with a abusive junkie and she always said how she understands why our friend didn't leave him immediately.
She romanticizes abusive relationships, even though they were never in a relationship! She has been in a normal relationship but somehow they don't compare to this one-night fairytale.
So she's been building this romantic storyline for two years and I'm not sure if the guy even remembers her.
It's clear that she's not visualizing a normal healthy relationship but epic love story that is out of this world and has no roots in reality.

She has been writing a lengthy text message she's planning to send this weekend. She paid to an astrologist who predicted the perfect timing for her to send this message.

Obviously, the guy is going to shit his pants when he reads the obsessive letter but I'm worried about my friend's well-being.

I know it's a hard lesson she has to learn on her own. I can't talk sense to her.

What would you do if your friend's a lunatic?

Btw we are in our late 20's and she's well adjusted with no mental health problems in general, except this.

No. 222044

File: 1641585157632.png (7.06 KB, 279x181, images.png)

Anons, the situation.
My boyfriend went for the end of the year to his hometown, spent time with high school friends; there's an ex of his from that time who - even though it was forever ago - was actually actively stalking my facebook recently (caught her liking and unliking some older photos); and now I see that few days ago she posted on her fb that "she's been living 90/00 nostalgia recently". Bf denies meeting with her though.
What do you think, suspicious or not?

No. 222045

>>222044
If she was looking you up then defo fishy

No. 222050

>>222044
We can't talk about your boyfriend but that girl is definitely obsessed so she probably will try to talk and flirt with him. What matters is whether your boyfriend accepts her instances.

No. 222051

>>222044
Who are you suspicious of, the girl or your bf? The girl definitely sounds obsessed but stalking online is so easy and accesible, she probably didn't need to meet him to be inspired to do so. From what you've said here I don't see a reason to be suspicious or mistrusting of your bf, if that's what you're asking.

No. 222053

>>221992
Your friend seriously needs therapy. I was going to recommend setting her up with a guy but hearing her say she wouldn't leave her man even if he beat her makes me think she isn't in any way ready for a relationship.
You could recommend therapy which would be the best for her but hearing that could upset her if she doesn't have the right view about mental health.
Your best bet is to let her message him, likely get rejected and then support her, maybe suggest therapy or other support systems?

No. 222062

Does anyone procrastinate their vacations? I have the money, the time and the location desired for my vacations but I just cant sit and book the flight. I don't know why its so difficult. Its something that I enjoy, I have traveled alone a lot of times and I enjoy it.
I work a lot and I actually need them, but at the same time I don't make any plans

No. 222117

File: 1641609280887.jpg (120.74 KB, 792x1092, __original_drawn_by_hyeonari__…)

How do I cope with my boyfriend being away?
My boyfriend has been away for 2 months because of health issues and is staying with his parents in their hometown and I'm losing my entire mind; I feel alone, depressed, almost suicidal at times. I'm on the verge of just calling him and breaking up with him because he not being near me is just too painful for me. I don't have contact with my family and my friends are too busy/scared because of covid.
>am I a BPDfag?
yes
>am I extremely codependent of him?
absolutely
>will I ever change?
no

No. 222122

>>222117
Sorry to be harsh but ywn be able to appropriately cope with the distance/your loved one's absence if you don't get straight to the heart of the problem. You have to change. For your sake, and his too, you have to end the codependency. Have you considered how he feels, already in poor health and worrying about you on top of everything else? Honestly, it might actually be better to break up, but only if you commit to work on yourself and become a healthier person. I'm sure your bf loves you and wants the best for you, so please consider what you actually need to do to heal.

No. 222124

>>222122
Anon if I can truly change, how can I do it? Would it be enough to Google it? I do see a therapist but my appointment is at the end of the month.
I know he must feel horrible and I know he loves me very deeply, I just don't know how to deal with this pain.

No. 222131

>>222124
I believe you can change Anon! Google is a good place to start, if only to look for self help resources. I've heard great things about DBT therapy for BPD because it teaches you sit in the pain, acknowledge the constant hell you are in, and still feel okay. There are DBT workbooks available for free online. You'll see progress if you're consistent.

Also, based on the level of distress you're in, I would suggest more frequent therapy. Weekly, maybe even bi-weekly if you have the means and you have a good rapport with your therapist. Hopefully this person has experience with personality disorders, trauma, etc. With their help, I urge you to confront the most painful experiences in your past.

Most importantly I want to tell you that you're not broken, not permanently. If you are holding onto that mindset because it feels safer to be a victim, or makes you feel more worthy of love, or you fear you have no identity outside of your pain… let it go. You are capable of change. You will heal. If you want it and you work for it, you can be anything you aspire to be.

No. 222142

File: 1641618237384.jpeg (1.48 MB, 3076x4224, 1616949899591.jpeg)

>>222131
Thank you anon, I've seen books on amazon about that DBT therapy you are mentioning, I will look for the ones free online first tho, I should at least give it a chance.

I would mention more frequent visits with him, hopefully a sooner spot will open if someone cancels. I'm terrified of confronting those painful past experiences tho anon, I'm scared.

Thank you so much for all this anon, you weren't harsh at all, just truthful. Thank you for being so thoughtful and encouraging.

Here I share you a hug.

No. 222227

File: 1641659149146.jpg (15.89 KB, 415x365, Screenshot_12.jpg)

I have vaginismus and after my last unsuccessful gynecological examination, the gyno told me to go and see a sex therapist. The thing is, I have been in (regular) therapy with multiple therapists for multiple years and I don't feel like it would help me with this specific issue. I have been masturbating since I was 6, I come super easily to sexual fantasies, but only had one actual sexual experience with a guy (I have avoidant personality disorder and don't form connections easily). I don't have a problem talking about sexual topics, masturbation or porn. My point is: since from my research, sex therapy seems to be the same as regular therapy in the sense that we'd just talk about things, I don't think it would help at all. On the other hand, I found a pelvic floor training program that claims to help with vaginismus (among other things, also with incontinence, anorgasmia, prolapse, etc) and I really like it. It seems to be a well-thought out program with both educating us about how the pelvic floor works and we'd also do physical exercises. It'd be a small, all-women group and the trainer is also a woman.

Should I take the gyno's advice and see a sex therapist or should I go after my own hunch and do this training instead?
It's unfortunately an either-or situation because both are pretty expensive. The training would make more sense to me since it also has physical exercises and I also noticed that my lower body in general is quite tense but on the other hand the gynecologist is….a gynecologist after all and supposed to know what the patient needs. Opinions?

No. 222228

>>222227
Also, I'd rather not call the gyno back because I did not really like her and I'd probably find another one. It's NHS so I felt like I was on a conveyor belt, she asked questions in a hurry and just in general, the whole experience was quite bad

No. 222239

>>221992
She's not in love with the guy, she's infatuated with the idea of him and of what their relationship could be. All you can do is advice her to get theraphy, but the first step to change is awareness, which she seems to lack. Hopefully she will stay committed to this fantasy instead of entering into a relationship. Keep an eye on her if she does it, and report abusive scrotes to the police.

No. 222241

>>222227
I'd go with your own urges first anon. you know yourself best, and you admitted that the gyno wasn't particularly attentive (and I know exactly what you mean about the NHS conveyor belt feeling). if it doesn't work out, you can always take her advice.

No. 222251

So my disgusting brother is getting married this year and his gf just invited me to her bachelorette's getaway. I hate my brother, he's traumatized me in many ways but I don't have a problem with her. It's just that I barely know her and I really want to keep a distance between my life and my brother's life. Also I don't want to travel with a bunch of people I don't know.
My question is how should I politely reject her invite? The getaway is in 6 months from now and it's going to last 3 days. I mean, I'm sure she invited me out of politeness because we barely talk. Honestly I don't even know if I'll keep living in the same country by then but I don't have concrete plans yet, I just know that I don't wanna go.

No. 222252

>>222251
Just thank her for the invite but you won't be able to make it and don't offer further explanation, she'll get the hint.

No. 222257

How do I start journaling? I think that writing a diary or something like that would help me clear my mind and focus on important things, but as soon as I start writing down my thoughts I get so embarrassed I can't keep going. I have this constant fear that someone is going to read it one day, even if it's not really possible (I don't live with my parents, so there is basically no one who would do that). I just see the texts that I write from a perspective of someone who found my journal and wants to make fun of me and it utterly blocks me. I had my privacy violated in the past and I guees I just can't get over it in my head.
Any tips, maybe someone had a similar situation? Should I just force myself to write, even If it makes me anxious?

No. 222267

>>222257
I had my diary stolen and read aloud to my entire group of friends in 7th grade. It had entries about the abuse I was suffering and my crushes. It was traumatic enough for me to stop having a diary until I was 22. Now when I write I will only write in a vague way. I will reveal enough for myself to remember but someone else would not necessarily know what I meant. Diaries or journals are really helpful and they stop me from bitching in person. I hope this helps a bit!

No. 222287

>>222257
Embrace the bad feeling. Write a note to that imaginary person reading and making fun of you. Tell them exactly how you feel about their opinion and don't mince words. You're never going to heal from the pain of the previous invasion if you avoid it or pretend it never happened.
You have a right to privacy, a right to express your deepest feelings, and a right to be angry and hurt by anyone who violates those boundaries. You don't deserve to feel scared or ashamed, nor should you be forever haunted by your past. Journalling is an amazing coping mechanism, and nobody with a valid opinion would EVER make fun of you for writing out what you feel.

No. 222308

>>222257
Maybe writing it digitally and deleting the entry shortly after would help?

No. 222310

How do you NOT let unresolved situations get to you without going into cope mode? Basically, the past week I've been an anxious wreck due to an altercation me and a male friend had with each other, in which it seemed like he was getting jealous/insecure about me meeting up with another male friend. Apparently I "misunderstood" (he was "uncomfortable" for a different reason and was trying to give me some "advice" that was very vague) but because I had essentially 'put him in his place' (telling him I'm not his and echoing previous conversations we had) he's been very very distant. I feel like I've been trying to pull him to talk so we can reach some sort of mutual understanding and amicability, but he's barely engaging and isn't even trying to follow through with our plans to call. I can only try so much, and right now I'm at a point where I don't want to think about this anymore but am having a hard time doing so. I'm wracked with a guilt that I don't exactly think was my fault but his reaction leads me to believe that I was too rash/harsh. Maybe I was, but in a situation where someone is giving you vague sayings and is barely responding with little clarity, I think it'd be inevitable. Anyways, this situation has been dragging on for like a week now and I don't want to think about this anymore, but how do I do that?

No. 222347

>>222310
Do you care about your friendship much with this guy or are you more just trying to find a way to not care about it anymore? If it's the former, then you're going to have a hard time getting over it without an actual proper resolution. If it's the latter, my best advice would be to let things drift apart. Internalize that the guilt you feel is a symptom of his immaturity. It's a result of you not wanting to feel like the 'bad guy'. But guess what - in his mind, you may already be. You can't control what someone else thinks about you, only your own response. Distract yourself. Speak to your other friends, get their input. You're feeling guilty because he's made you the villain and you (subconsciously) somewhat believe him.

My suspicion is that he probably likes you - either that or he REALLY doesn't like this other guy. If he's been fantasizing about you/a relationship with you, his bubble likely just burst. It's possible you got too defensive with him, but sometimes the enforcement of boundaries ends up that way.

If you're still looking to maintain a friendship with this guy, yeah you definitely have to have a real conversation about it. But if he won't let you have even that, there's really nothing you can do. To be honest, he sounds young. His feelings got hurt and now he's giving you the cold shoulder as punishment. If you've made a serious effort to talk with him, the ball is in his court now. You've done everything you can - do yourself the kindness of letting it go.

No. 222399

>>222267
How do you stay vague but not too vague? I need writing advice.

No. 222666

>>222399
Kek anon, you'll have to be less vague, what is the writing for?

No. 222859

>>205674
How do I make online friends? Where do I find them? Are friend finder threads here and on 4chan any good?

No. 222867

>>222859
The friend finder thread on here has been excellent for me. Just reach out to any of the posters who seem interesting to you. You can also look into hobbyist forums or fandom spaces to meet people with shared interests. I wouldn't recommend meeting anyone off 4chan just because they seem depressingly male and I prefer the feminine degeneracy of my fellow farmers, but I guess if you're desperate you could hang out in /soc/.

No. 222873

>>222666
Diary and journal.

No. 222883

>>222859
I've had great success with the friend finder thread, just don't be discouraged if you can't click with someone right away as friendship takes time. Avoid 4chan at all costs unless you want to be bothered by scrotes.

No. 222889

>>222257
I've never been able to earnestly journal either, but I started "journaling" last year by making a private twitter with no following/followers and just using it to brain-dump in short little quips. I never write any names or details, but it lets me vent throughout the day on rough days and acts a little like a mood tracker for good days too. Maybe something similar could help you get started?

No. 222892

This is so pathetic but can someone share some basic discord etiquette with me? How do you find/make friends? I want to go on friend finder threads, but I'm not sure how. I've never been able to make friends online before because I severely overthink online interactions. I've used discord to do like DND with irl friends but that's it.

No. 222901

>>222873
Nicknames/codenames. It can be fun to come up with them.

No. 222906

>>222267
How about writing in code? I know the idea sounds childish but think about it: a simple code is easy to master and other people won't be able to read it (unless they're really going to sit down to figure it out but who's gonna do that?)

No. 222978

>>222892
>send a friend request to your chosen friend
>when they accept, dm to say hi
>tell them where you found their info
>start a conversation based on what they wrote in their post
>ask questions, show interest, add your personal perspective where appropriate
>after the convo ends, try talking to them again the next day at a similar time
>repeat

Basically it's just like an IRL interaction, but likely easier than approaching a stranger in person. You'll be fine as long as you put out the energy you want to get back and move on where there isn't any connection. Try not to take it personally if you don't click with someone right away or if they stop responding. If you're really concerned, you can even make a disclaimer about your overthinking/inexperience in online friendships. Anyone worth being friends with wouldn't judge you for that.

No. 222982

File: 1641948579891.jpg (58.56 KB, 1024x576, 9.-Receding-Hairline.jpg)

Thoughts on baldies? BF was balding and I finally got him to shave after months of incentive but it feels so… nothing like I've ever dreamt of(?)

No. 222983

>>222892
the other anon gave good advice. besides the friend finder thread, usually people have discord servers to be a part of and friendships stem from those. there are sites like disboard where you can filter servers by your interests but beware, there are a lot of shitty ones to wade through. there are a lot of people on there who are welcoming though, and fairly easy to have conversations with.

No. 222991

Intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend make me feel extremely nauseated and sick and distressed and I need it to stop. I don't like how much impact this girl has on me. I sometimes have horrible thoughts where I imagine them together. I also am pretty sure she and him had anal sex. It's the only time they did it and my boyfriend said it was because she was on her period, but it makes me so disgusted. And it disgusts me that he was ever intimate with her and it makes me not want to be intimate with him. It makes me want to stay really far away from him. It makes me feel so sick and I can't handle it. It seriously makes me so sick just seeing her face or imagining it because I imagine him touching or fucking her. I also don't like how it took him a long time to unfollow her. It required her posting something for him to unfollow her because he didn't want her on his page. But she still follows him and visits my account whenever he tags me and I dislike it. I don't want to block her either because I don't even want to go to her account nor for her to visit my account and to see that she's blocked. I don't want her to know I know who she is. I don't even want her in my life. I hate how she's a part of my relationship somehow and I try so hard to not think of or bring her up. But it happens sometimes and I can't help it. I guess the greatest trigger is whenever she is on my social media somehow. I should unfollow her on my fake account definitely. I just get so anxious over her and this. I don't think my boyfriend will do anything, I just can't stand the fact that he did do something. I can't stand it that she sucked his dick, that he ate her out, that he came inside of her, kissed her, did all of those things and now does it to me. I know he loves me and he broke up with her and he never told any girl he loved them and it was a big decision for him to tell me he loves me and I know he's loyal and devoted and that our sex is amazing but I still can't take this. And I hate how I have to convince him to post me on social media sometimes because he knows she will see but doesn't want to hurt her feelings. I'm happy he blocked her on Facebook because she was contacting him there and calling him and it caused a big problem that led me to break up with him. That instance honestly just really made these intrusive thoughts I already had so much worse and made me really anxious and nervous about him and ex-girlfriends. I sobbed uncontrollably the night I found out he had anal sex because I think it is disgusting and I don't like the idea of a penis that was in an asshole being inside of me. I don't deserve that, it makes me feel disgusting, and it disgusts me that he would ever stoop so low. These things really make me so sick and distressed I want to break up with him over it. I really don't know how to deal with this but I want to be able to be stronger than thoughts.

No. 222992

>>222991
I just checked his Facebook to make sure he had blocked her but she's still on his friendlist. You can't be on someone's friendlist if you're blocked, right..? I know he is over her but he has this weird thing where he doesn't like to hurt girls' feelings and I hate it a lot because prioritising your girlfriend comes with the risk of hurting other girls feelings but that shouldn't matter. I just don't know what to do and feel so much sicker than before. I need to speak to him asap tomorrow… No more work for me today because I feel so extremely sick now it's unbelievable

No. 222993

>>222992
This is embarrassing (as if the rest of my posts isn't, lol), but I googled it and apparently blocking on Messenger doesn't equal blocking on Facebook.

No. 222995

I’m in the process of a pill abortion. It’s been about 6 hours after putting the second pills in my vagina, but nothing’s happened. I read a bunch of experiences in preparation for this, but I’m not having any of the horrible effects yet. I’m a little crampy, but it’s not even as painful as a period and there’s no blood yet. No vomiting, no diarrhea. Should I worry? Is it possible my pregnancy was ectopic? I was maybe 5 weeks at the most, so maybe it just won’t be that bad for me like everyone else I’ve seen. Idk. Help?

No. 222999

>>222991
This must be embarassing. To be under control of someone who never even talked to you.
You are sick and chances are that you're putting your bf in an abusive relationship.

No. 223006

>>222991
what the fuck is wrong with you lol

No. 223007

>>222991
girl not sure what you want us to say here because you clearly have problems that can't be solved by anonymous strangers online.

>And I hate how I have to convince him to post me on social media sometimes because he knows she will see but doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

This is about the only reasonable thing you've written, like yeah that's not cool. But you have to get over the fact that most people will have multiple romantic and sexual partners throughout their lives.

No. 223008

File: 1641965054510.png (1.85 MB, 1792x828, 07AF93EE-1DB6-4970-968A-26F32A…)

Any ausfags online willing to give me some advice on which city to move to? I’m moving from NZ for job opportunities (and because I’m tired of living under a government of twitter socialists). I’ve sent applications to offices in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane but have only heard back from the Brisbane one. It would be a great step up from where I’m living currently, but from my research it looks boring, like a city-sized retirement village. What I’m really looking for is good night life/club scene, good social/cultural opportunities, and rent prices that aren’t going to kill me. Do you think Brisbane has enough of that to make it worth the move, or should I keep looking in Melbourne and Sydney? Fwiw I live in Christchurch so anything is probably better than here kek.

No. 223012

>>222991
I get how you feel. I don't feel bad about my boyfriend being with another person's sexually before me, but he did some fucked up things I still have trouble getting over.

The thing is, people change, and just because they did one thing with one person doesn't mean they want to do it or will do it with you. I had anal with my ex and I don't like it and no, I don't want to do it with my boyfriend. It doesn't mean I secretly miss it, or all the other tons of "kinky" stuff my ex did with me. I feel like my sex life is way more fulfilling with my boyfriend even though we're more vanilla. It's the same with other aspects. I want to judge him for things he did in the past, but I cannot act as if he's done them to me. It's not fair. He isn't the person he was 4 years ago, and neither am I.

The only somewhat concerning thing is his potential fear of what his ex thinks. But I can't even say for sure because no offense but you sound like you project a lot of thoughts onto your bf. Communicate, try to do so calmly and write down what you want to say beforehand and make sure it isn't rude, but to the point. Allow for him to explain himself and listen.

I hope this helps.

No. 223014

>>223008
I am a christchurch fag too, I've been living in Aus for more than a decade now. I lived in QLD and I will say if you're really into outdoor stuff like hiking and the beach and good weather, then go to Brisbane. If you can handle some weird weather and are more of a metropolitan person, definitely Melbourne. If you leave the city for just 1 suburb the rent prices are next to nothing, but in Sydney its so fucking hard to find cheap places unless you go 2 hours out basically. Also Sydney is full of smug people and the living prices are insane, whereas Melbourne is full of music and night life 24/7, the weather is similar to christchurch though granted the summers are super warm.
TLDR move to Melbourne.

No. 223015

>>223012
>People change!
>Communicate
Male fingers typed this post

No. 223016

>>222991

>And I hate how I have to convince him to post me on social media sometimes because he knows she will see but doesn't want to hurt her feelings.


We don't know him and can't make a right judgment but he doesn't want to post you while his ex is constantly trying to get back with him, follows him and he really doesn't do much to stop her, right?
If I were I'd talk to him about my feelings, just tell him you're uncomfortable she's stalking you and make him block her while you do so as well.
Also why did he even tell you the sexual acts they've done together? If he did without you asking, he's probably trying to make you do it as well which just sounds super weird.

No. 223018

>>223015
Why? ntayrt but my bf also had a creepy sexual past, that doesn't reflect on us and we've been able to openly discuss it. For the first year I was too scared to ask questions but now I can freely discuss my concerns and we discuss it. I also didn't have a great sexual past, I was a porn addict too, doesn't mean that's who I am now and my bf knows that.

No. 223019

>>223012
>reddit spacing
>telling the anal you had w your ex to new gf is fine! Even if it makes her uncomfortable because honesty good amiright
>your bf refusing to post pictures of you while keeping in contact of his ex is fine
How?

No. 223020

>>223018
nta but
>bf has creepy sexual past
>I was too scared to ask about it for a whole damn year
lmao
>that doesn't reflect on us
maybe but it does reflect him

No. 223021

>>223020
So you're saying if I had a weird sexual past, its okay to forgive me, but if my bf had done weird shit, he can't be forgiven.
>t. never had a long term relationship

No. 223024

>>223021
No, that's not at all what I'm saying.

No. 223025

>>223018
uhhh how about you actually tell us what your boyfriend did?

No. 223029

>>223026
Yeah, that's really for the best. Sure, you're definitely projecting A LOT onto this guy, but some of his behavior is pretty unacceptable IMO. You've got to let him know the degree to which this distresses you. The fact that he lied about it earlier is still weighing on you, and until he cuts her out 100% you're not going to be able to fully trust him. Some of that might be on you, but I'd probably feel the same so I don't think it's that unreasonable. I have a feeling though that even if he does everything you want you're still going to feel uncomfortable, and you might need some type of professional help for that to be honest. The sexual past is really something you're either going to have to accept or break up with him for - it's not like he can change what he did lol.

So yeah, you're going to have to have a firm discussion with him and prepare yourself that it might not of the way you want.

No. 223030

>>223008
Amerifag but lived in Melbourne for two years and I really enjoyed it. I've been to Sydney for a couple days and I agree with the other anon. People in Sydney seemed really snide and it seemed really uppity.

Melbourne was laid back and had a lot of other cool artsy people and meetups pre-covid. I'm not sure how it is now though! (Also Melbourne has some of the best food I've ever had!)

No. 223038

>>223030
Why are you inserting yourself and giving advice on things you clearly know nothing about then? Yanks fuck off.

No. 223039

>>223025
Creepy probably means pedo shit. I mean what else could be so bad she'd be scared to learn more and embarassed to say on here?

>>223018
Just because you're dating a man with a creepy sexual past (that's too much for you to even tell on an anonymous board) and you're fine with the possibly abusive things he's done to other women, doesnt mean everyone is. Either tell us what he did instead of using vague language or just don't give your reddit tier "Oh poor men, abusing women is just a phase and he's all fixed, he won't hurt me!" advice.

No. 223050

>>223038
What's your issue? I clearly have some stake in as I've travelled and lived in Australia for a fair amount of time.

The other anon was spot on as well lmfao clearly I also know something. Quit being a sperg.

No. 223051

I'm 27 and only now about to be trying for my first 'professional' job. I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to dress 'professionally.' Literally the most nervewracking part of being about to start job-hunting isn't my complete lack of prospects of attaining such a thing due to no degree and no qualifications, I'm used to getting humiliated, but HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK GOOD TO GET A JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE? I'm 100% sure I only ever got my previous two retail sales jobs because I was cute and petite and young, because I had no qualifications and am a bit autistic. And I really want the kind of office job that lets you sit and do next to nothing all day and get paid semi-decently.

I keep online ordering stuff and returning it because it all looks ugly and retarded and brick & mortar shops all still have 'uhhh sorry dressing rooms closed cuz covid' stipulations.

Am I just overthinking it? How bad would it be to apply at some data entry position somewhere in something like an all-black cotton turtleneck dress and tights with boots? Am I just thinking that would be unprofessional because it's something I would wear in normal life, or is it actually a no-go?

No. 223055

>>223039
Since you're so fixated on this, my bf did some bdsm with his ex because she was a huge e-girl and was into cosplay and I was a porn addicted furry. Happy now miss know it all?

No. 223056

>>223050
There are some mean bitches on this board who I think are just here as larpers. Pay them no mind.

No. 223058

>>223051
I usually show myself in very modest clothing when I first start a job, but as time goes on I feel more relaxed around my boss and coworkers and I can begin wearing things that I would wear outside of work. You should dress well at least for the first little while, let them pay more attention to your actuall skillset than worrying about vanity too much.

No. 223060

Does one need friends? I seem to see a lot of people saying its important to destress with people, share with people etc. but I just don't enjoy it. I actually like my privacy and I love spending time on my own, doing my work and hobbies. I feel exhausted spending time with people, even if I know we have common interests. I'm 24 and in a relationship and I am very happy with this, but somehow I feel as though I 'need' to have friends as well? Am I suddenly a bad person if I chose to spend time with myself mostly?

No. 223063

>>223060
A lot of people do need friends but not everyone. If you're happy with your lifestyle it's all that matters, don't worry about it.

No. 223065

>>223063
Thanks anon, I keep assuming I'm somehow weird for not making friends all these years. Cheers.

No. 223069

>>223060
Spending time by yourself hurts no one and therefore will never make you "a bad person." In general any abnormalities you have are not detrimental to your character as long as they're harmless. I don't think you need friends, but I do think you need to unpack why you internalise other's opinions and why you're so hard on yourself.

No. 223070

>>223069
I wouldn't say I 'internalise other's opinions' at all, if anything I get quite put off on the whole notion of gossiping, and friends in the past liked to do that which I found really exhausting. I had some friends who weren't gossipers and they were nice, but I still preferred my own company. I only care about the opinions of my family, my partner and myself. I am truly happy with who I am as a person and I think I am interesting, I just find myself really drained around other people is all.

No. 223071

i was in a long distance relationship for a few years and we broke up because the distance was way too difficult, and we never got to meet. i'm still kind of in love with him and we've stayed close friends since. one of my friends is in a relationship and im glad for her as she seems really happy in it, but whenever we meet she just wants to talk about how great her relationship is and sneak in complaints about how her boyfriend lives in the city so she has to take a train to meet him every time and they only meet once a week or so. how do i not seethe about this when im talking to her? i wish so badly that i could have had that. she knows about my past relationship too

No. 223073

>>223070
That's good to hear, my apologies for assuming. In that case I'm confused about this:
>I feel as though I 'need' to have friends
>Am I suddenly a bad person if I chose to spend time with myself mostly?
Where did these insecurities come from? And why would you immediately jump to having a lower opinion of yourself as a "bad person"?

No. 223075

>>223073
I guess I was being a little theatrical in asking do I 'need' to have friends, because I see posts online promoting having intimate circles of friends so I was wondering if this is something that is demanded to prove yourself as a fully rounded person? I asked am I suddenly a 'bad person' as more of a meme, I see people jumping to conclusions a lot these days so I wondered if I told someone at work that I prefer my own company and don't have any friends if I would suddenly be lumped into some kind of negative category for not being enough of a social creature. I hope this makes sense.

No. 223077

>>223071
It's not her fault that you're unable to move on; but if she really is your friend then she will understand if you tell her that at the moment you'll need her to not share so much details about her relationship because despite being happy for her, you struggle dealing with your own emotions regarding recent crush that didn't work out.

No. 223079

>>223077
Crush? Didnt op say this relationship lasted years?

No. 223080

>>223071
lowkey sounds like she gets off on telling you these things because she knows it will hurt your feelings. most likely a narcissist.

No. 223081

>>223079
they never even met lmao it wasn't a relationship. op needs to get a clue. long distance relationships were never relationships in the first place if the people didn't meet and solidify the relationship in a permanent real life setting.

No. 223082

>>223079
Sorry, I meant crush in reference that she's not in relationship anymore but still has feelings for the guy, but yeah it might be not fitting here ESL if it's any excuse

No. 223083

>>223081
dismissing op's relationship and feelings by saying its not real is only counterproductive.

No. 223084

>>223083
it wasn't a real relationship though. why are you babying her and feeding into her delusion? i'm not saying she doesn't feel strongly about the guy, i'm saying it wasn't a real relationship.

No. 223085

>>223084
since when is having a ldr delusional? its more common these days and many people have deep connections and share love even online. sure they didn't personally meet and I agree that op needs better coping methods of moving on, but to say that ldr is not real is naive.

No. 223086

>>223085
jesus christ are you a teenager? you stop being naive. this place is literally riddled with children, it's like watching a child trying to convince her parents her totally legit internet boyfriend is the real deal. i said
>long distance relationships were never relationships in the first place if the people didn't meet and solidify the relationship in a permanent real life setting.
which is different from "long distance relationships aren't real" as you so elegantly put words in my mouth.
by the way; my partner (soon to be husband) and i started out online and long distance.

No. 223087

>>223086
im so happy for you, you seem like a really nice person

No. 223088

>>223087
thanks. i'm a lot nicer than you since i don't feed into peoples delusions under the guise of "help".

No. 223089

>>223088
sure buddy

No. 223091

>>223086
Kinda weird to have an outburst over how bad and fake LDRs are if your relationship is one, but you do you nona.

No. 223092

>>223091
kinda weird to not have reading comprehension

No. 223093

>>223085
>>223091
How are you even disagreeing with her? She's right, LDR's aren't real, especially if you don't ever end up meeting.

No. 223094

>>223093
anon missed the point of op's post, telling her "your relationship wasn't real because you didn't meet in person" isn't going to change the fact that her friend is being a dick to her and rubbing her own relationship in her face, its painfully obvious that she takes pleasure in hurting op's feelings.

No. 223096

>>223094
It makes more sense for OP to work on getting over the experience entirely since it wasn't of substance anyway, instead of policing her friend's words. Also it doesn't sound like her friend is doing anything on purpose, or being a dick. Her friend is allowed to complain about stuff that bothers her.

No. 223097

>>223094
So sharing your happiness with a friend is being a dick now? OP never mentioned having a conversation with the friend about having problem with that and it's not natural to assume person you like doesn't want to listen about good things happening to you.

No. 223098

>>223008
Late response but this >>223014 anon summed it up well. Brisbane is very uneventful unless you're outdoorsy, Melbourne is very cultural and great if you like art/music/shows. Sydney is expensive as fuck and very….business-y?
In saying that there's benefits to all 3. But melbourne is way better imo lol

No. 223101

>>223075
I'm in the same boat as you, in that I don't really have many friends and I'm pretty fine with it. I moved to a new city a few years ago and haven't really been in a secure enough position to make friends. I did have a couple really close ones back home, that I'd known for years, so meeting new people was something I just didn't have experience with.

And like you, I'm more than happy to just spend days alone, it's an effort to make plans with someone to see them. It's exhausting to go out with them and spend hours talking when you're not used to it.

I think you're just more introverted, and that's ok! Can't remember where I saw it but when people talk about intro/extroversion they often misinterpret it as "wanting to always be alone vs around others" but it's really more how we personally recharge. Introverts charge their energy from being alone and drain it when being social, and extroverts are the reverse.

I think it's worth seeking out friends with similar interests, as when you do find people you really get along with (and share common interests/hobbies) it can be super rewarding. But if you're totally fine going along with the people you currently have in your life there's really nothing wrong with that.

No. 223102

>>223077
ayrt, thank you for the advice. i do definitely need to figure out a way to move on, i don't resent her for talking about it. it might be the case that she's rubbing it in a bit, but i think she just really is that happy. she can't really read my mind so i might try to be honest with her about how talking about her relationship makes me feel, while figuring out how i can move on.
i'm not very fussed about whether or not what i had was a real relationship or not, it's semantics to me. i had strong feelings for a guy online, different to anything i ever felt for anyone else, and he felt the same towards me.

No. 223103

>>223101
Thank you for your input anon, much appreciated.

No. 223105

>>222991
No advice or anything, but I get you on the anal thing, that's just plain nasty.

No. 223118

>>222991
Ik anons are being very judgmental but I’ll respond with genuine advice as this reminds me of myself when I was in my first relationship. I had no experience while my ex had slept with two other girls prior. My ex also lied to me about contacting his ex who he wanted to be friends with despite me saying it made me uncomfortable.
On one hand, your bf is spineless and dumb. He doesn’t post you on his IG because he cares what his exes think? That’s ridiculous. There is legitimate criticism about him lying to you about blocking them (if they’re friends then they’re def not blocked lol).
However what you need to realize is that his past experiences are things you cannot change. Reflecting on this is a form of self-harm because you subconsciously know it will not change anything but you do it because you believe that you have no worth and use this to support your deeper insecurities. You are never going to change his past. Frankly also a lot of people have gross sexual pasts, especially once you get past a certain age. You said he tried anal but honestly a lot of people, including women obviously, try it. And men get mad at women who deny them it because they gave it to their ex but won’t do it with them. Frankly you’re in a much better position if he doesn’t beg you to do anal because it means it probably sucked for him and he doesn’t enjoy it. That says more than you think.
Lastly I won’t claim your boyfriend is being abused like some dumbass moid anons will, because OP’s bf clearly isn’t controlled if he’s been lying to her about blocking his exes. If this was a legit abuser OP she’d have access to all of his accounts. She wouldn’t be spinning her wheels trying to guess whether or not they’re blocked or dating a dude who refuses to post her online.
The actual dynamic of this is that you are highly sensitive and vulnerable to many deep-rooted insecurities while your bf is not on that same level. Your bf probably enjoys the intensity of the love you provide, esp since you’re inexperienced. Unlike the anons who cannot relate to this, as someone who has been here, I will say retrospectively from my own experience the moid still has all the power over you. Overly obsessive and insecure partners with no control are often exploited as you consider yourself so invested into this relationship and so in love with this person that you see no way out or no other life without this person. This guy, if he isn’t abusive, could eventually turn abusive and would have you still crawling back to him because you are so committed and dedicated to it working out. My ex eventually became very manipulative and outright mean and he could because I was so dependent and would stay anyways.
You are so unhealthy and remind me so much of myself and how much my relationship brought out the worst of my insecurities, esp related to having less experience than my ex. I can tell you with near certainty that this will likely not be your last relationship either. Sorry but a lot of older adults say this for a reason (it’s true!). We don’t marry our first partner lol. You’ll also likely look back later on and realize the sooner you’d ended it the better off you would have been.
I highly encourage that you start therapy to work on your own insecurities as well as the ones in regards to your relationship. Your relationship will end eventually but it’s up to you if you want to break up. Personally I suggest it, not because your bf is kinda dumb but because you need to focus on your own personal growth and get past these insecurities. If you’re anything like me in my first relationship, my toxic relationship was my entire world and I only wanted my bf and no one else. It was when we finally broke up that I was able to focus on fixing myself, including addressing my own codependency and my poor self esteem.

Sorry for syntax errors I typed this on mobile but I hope this helps.

No. 223119

>>222983
>>222978
This is great advice, thank you!!

No. 223141

My godson's birthday is coming up and idk what to give him. He's turning 6 and has cerebral palsy. I was thinking about gifting him a sensory toy but a lot of them seem so bland and like non-toys. I already gave him a plushy that makes sounds and a sensory children's book for Christmas. Idk what to do!!

No. 223142

File: 1642021937774.jpeg (254.84 KB, 827x1336, 648EA6C2-3BEA-40CD-9C76-30BC15…)


No. 223281

>>223058
Thanks for the response - my worry is that I don't have a skillset, and my looks were the only thing that ever got me a job to begin with, and I'll be lucky if anyone gives me a chance. I suppose that's more of a self-esteem thing as I do have at least some legitimate experience and skills, and I need to internalise framing myself that way. I know this in my head, but writing it helps to cement it.

Will get one pricier 'interview outfit' immediately, and then at my leisure get at least three appropriate 'fancier' outfits that are more inexpensive but look good. No need to do it all at once.

No. 223520

I got very drunk on a night out and my friends left me with this guy who ended up having very violent sex with me. I am seriously bruised from head to toe, I was so black out I couldn't figure out what was happening most of the time. He only asked if I was on BC after finishing in me twice. Another thing is, my friends won't leave it alone and keep bringing up that I "got some" and how much of a fun night it was. I asked them if they knew I was drunk and they were like "lol yeah" and I said "so you knew and you still left me with a complete stranger?". Their defence was that they asked me if I wanted to leave with them and I said no, but I thought they meant leaving in general, I didn't know they were gonna leave without me. Was this rape? I wanted sex but didn't want violence, or to be so drunk I couldn't stop it or leave. And wtf can I do about my friends? Definitely not going out with them anymore, but how do I make them see what they did was shitty and dangerous?

No. 223522

>>223520
It is rape, you didn't consent to this, plain and simple. Your friends are shitty, they should take better care of you especially knowing you're drunk and at the very least make sure you know exactly what you're doing (as in- asking very specific questions, like hey anon, do you really want to stay alone with this guy? because we want to go and if you're sure then we just leave you now but if you're not better go with us). I'm so sorry this happened to you.

No. 223539

>>223520
I'm sorry you went through this, anon. Regarding your last question, however, I think you shouldn't focus on trying to make your ex friends see their behaviour was wrong, but focus on yourself instead. You have to heal from this trauma. You learned some lessons the hard way, and focusing on changing other people will stop you from changing yourself. Good luck!

No. 223549

>>223520
Yes you were raped and unfortunately the situation is bad enough that your friends are going to downplay their accountability to protect their egos. They know which is why they're being cavalier about you getting some. Me? I'd be extremely distraught if my actions or lack of picking up a signal led to the violent rape of my friend even if it wasn't intentional or obviously negligent.

You need to look at it objectively and plainly state what happened if it's ever brought up: "I was violently sexually assaulted when I was intoxicated and could not give consent, please stop bringing this up unless your intention is to help me process this trauma."
If that doesn't shut them up or make them feel even a little bad, then they're psychos.

No. 223554

>>223520
you need to report this to the police & your so called friends should be in jail together with the rapist

No. 223556

>>223522
>>223539
>>223549
>>223554
Thank you anons. I went to a walk-in clinic near me and ended up getting checked out. I can't stop replaying what happened (or what I can remember) and it's not helping things when they remind me that I "fooled around". Gonna block and avoid them. Thank you again.

No. 223568

>>223556
Hope everything goes well for you and you never end up with people like them again. If you can, definitely get the mental and medical help you need because you deserve it. You've gone through something a lot of women go through yet still some women can't emphasize with.
I've been told I was a pervert when I got assaulted and I was just 6.

Your friends try to mock and make fun of your trauma because they know they're guilty, they're projecting their guilt onto you so they can feel better about themselves leaving you alone in that state.

No. 223714

I have this friend who I used to hang out with and text frequently, but we kind of stopped talking to each other last year. We ran into each other on campus last November and she seemed excited to see me, but every time we've tried to make plans she's been busy. Plus, I usually have to text first. Should I just give up on trying to re-connect with her at this point?

No. 223739

>>223714
Are you getting the impression that she's actually "busy"? i.e. her excuses seem legitimate, it's finals season (idk not a burgerfag) you know she has a lot of friends?

I'd probably drop it for now, and if the stars align and she messages you and you're able to hang then go for it, but there's not much point otherwise.

No. 223800

I’m in the first year of uni, and over the first semester I didn’t push myself to go out and meet new friends as much, as it was difficult with covid and I unfortunately didn’t really gel with my flatmates. I had a boyfriend back at home, he was my best friend but we broke up just after new year and it’s really brought me down.
So does anyone have any tips for finding new friends? Im thinking of using the Bumble BFF app because it feels like everyone’s made their friend groups by now. I’d just like some advice ..

No. 223902

File: 1642290983155.png (34.78 KB, 600x600, question.png)

Anons, if a guy sends you a selfie and it turns out they're ugly, how do you respond? How do you reject them? Because I don't want to hurt the guys feelings, especially if they're nice, but I hate trying to be coy and don't want to potentially give them the idea that I'm interested in them. What do you do?

No. 223914

>>223902
say "wow you look like you belong in a picasso painting"

No. 223915

>>223520
This is the result of hookups sadly

No. 223947

File: 1642305896522.png (616.11 KB, 630x899, Capture12.PNG)

I bought pic related because I liked the diner-esque design of it (with the collar and wrap front), but I don't really know what shoes to wear with it. Ideas? Any other styling advice welcome. I'm pale with black curly hair that I'm planning on wearing in an updo. And as far as makeup goes, I was thinking maybe something similar to Larme. Thoughts?

No. 223990

>>223902
I ghost.

No. 224002

>>223990
same…

No. 224104

>>223947
It would depend on what sort of occasion you'd be wearing this for, you could really make a few things work with it. A simple black heel would look nice, or if you're after something more casual a thicker black heel, open toe.

No. 224845

File: 1642609450579.jpeg (89.91 KB, 398x378, D0A858F2-C825-4DC4-8106-F093EB…)

My best friend from high school (which was over 10 years ago) came out to me as non-binary a few days ago, I never saw it coming and I don’t know how to process it.

No. 224851

>>224845
Nonny, its your best friend, you process it by being nice and supportive and not letting internet brainworms ruin your friendship.

No. 224878

>>223947
i think heels with this dress would be garish. if you don't have a pair already, invest in some nice (real) leather penny loafers.

No. 224883

>>224851
But anon, it's their friend who has internet brainworms if they decided to come out as an enby. I'd be disappointed too if my best friend drank the genderspecial kool-aid. That being said, it's not a super big deal and doesn't fundamentally change anything about the friendship as long as the friend doesn't make being NB her personality. Good luck anon!

No. 224964

>>224845

Sorry anon. Just ignore the retardation as much as you can.

I view the genders specials the same way I view my mormon grandma.

If I can love my granny even though she believes god lives on a special planet in space then I can tolerate a friend believing some made up shit too.

(On the condition they don’t constantly spaz about it kek)

No. 224977

>>224964
My advice for you, anon, is to integrate

No. 225096

I started talking to this guy and a couple days later, we hook up. Date was amazing, we spent like 16h+ together.
The next days we hardly talk and he even stop responding in the middle of the conversation for 3 days, but I saw him active on Instagram. This situations made me nervous because I have been ghosted SO many times.
I asked him if everything was ok and he told me that everything is perfect that this is just how he is but that he does not want to stop talking and seeing me.
I feel weird because if you like someone, you want to see them more often I guess? Or I might be too intense. I'm really heart broken by past experiences and I find difficult dealing with this situation

No. 225102

>>225096

From my experience of being an oblivious autist getting used and abused,, most men don't usually respect women they hook up with before being officialy exclusive, no matter how much of a ~feminist~ they proclaim themselves to be. They will feel no remorse about lying, gaslighting, and breadcrumbing you into sticking around to give them easy sex on demand with less competition for using your body like an appliance, while they also try to fuck as many other women as possible.

There's nothing wrong with you wanting to have sex, but it's not emotionally or even physically safe to have experiences like you're describing with men you don't know well, especially if you're looking for anything more than a cold hearted dick appointment. Men can not even be friends with benefits, they usually just dehumanize you completely after they have sex with no feeling of responsibility. Possibly because they are porn sick, Madonna-whore complex, etc.

No. 225145

>>225096
Nonny I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I've heard women describe this scenario a hundred times over. Men have zero qualms about using you for brief (in the scheme of things) emotional and sexual fulfillment and then bouncing. This guy likely doesn't bear you any ill will, but if he's not talking to you and making an effort anymore, then yeah, he just wasn't in it for a relationship. If you are the type of person that prefers a deeper connection before intimacy then I would recommend you wait a couple months before having sex to see if a man is consistent and patient until that point. Most will not be upfront about their intentions and say they're "open" to a relationship when in reality they just want casual hook ups and nothing more. Yes, there are exceptions where a husband and wife banged on the first date and got married a year later, but they are just that - exceptions. Only time and respectful behavior can confirm a guy is on the same page as you.

No. 225151

>>225102
>>225145
I have tried everything. I had sex with guys where we would have great conversations for months (and I saw no red flags) and they still ghosted me after having sex or they drastically changed the way they treated me.
Its frustrating because there is never any certainty.

No. 225158

>>225151
>where we would have great conversations for months
Do you mean online? Did he take you out on dates? No offense but it makes it sound like there was nothing serious there.

No. 225203

>>223902
This happened to me once, I was just bluntly honest and told him he needed to work on his skincare routine.

No. 225289

I'd say I'm not an angry person normally (in any way other than self directed at least), but my roommate really pushes my buttons by being an immature, loud, attention-seeking hypocrite who takes offence at the smallest thing. we don't speak anymore but she won't move out for another two months and the sound of her voice makes my blood boil. I don't want to be constantly leaving my apartment because I'm a homebody but how do I get through these last few months with her without flipping out and cracking her skull open? already posted in /ot/ but figured this thread would be better

No. 225448

>>225289
No joke: meditation. Look up guided videos on youtube for an easy way to start. It will help you become a calmer, more grounded person in general

No. 225471

How do you even start to love yourself? I have somewhat of an ego but i wouldn't say i built my confidence
The thing is that even if i get complimented it never feels genuine i never feel like it's really directed at me and i think it's out of pity or something because i always thought i was ugly and fantasized about being a prettier girl who everyone liked
I see and hear the way other girls get complinented and it does feel genuine "She's so pretty" "She's so hot" blah blah whatever but what it's said to me feels like a coverup for not sounding insulting
"You have lots of moles, but they're pretty!" "Your eyes are really big AND pretty" "your nose is like too small but it's cute!" and i got compliments on My body and hair but i don't like my body and nobody gives a shit about hair!
It's like i can't see anything good about myself and i'm tired of being ugly or caring about this

No. 225477

>>225471
Why do you have to be a "prettier girl who everyone likes" to love yourself? Loving yourself doesn't mean being completely assured that you're hot and everyone agreeing you're hot. It means loving yourself even if you're average or imperfect or unattractive, and knowing that you have value regardless of how you look. Thoughts along the line of "I'm not the prettiest girl ever but that's ok, I have other things to offer" are self love. Needing perfectly flattering compliments to maintain self esteem is not self love, even if people tell you what you want to hear your looks will change, you'll age, you can't rely on that validation.

No. 225508

>>225289
Find passive aggressive ways to get back at her. The more petty, the better! Beware, though, that she could get back at you, too.
Or you could try taking the high ground, of course.

No. 225510

>>225471
It has to come from within and not from people's compliments or evaluation of you. If it helps, your self-esteem isn't some immutable thing but really just a culmination of your habits. Every time you could have praised yourself, you nitpicked your features. Every time someone insulted you, you took it as a fact about yourself instead of a reflection of their insecurities and poor self-esteem. Every time you made a mistake you cursed yourself instead of comforting yourself like you would to a good friend or a lover. Every time you berate yourself you leave a mark on your subconscious and it becomes a feedback loop, this negative thinking becomes almost automatic and starts to seem like a part of your personality. Every time you make yourself feel bad or unworthy (and yes, it's a CHOICE to feel this way), flip it around. If you can't feel positive about yourself, at least try a neutral statement first ("hey, maybe x feature isn't too bad"). Make it a habit, you have to do this every day, not just a couple days and then give up, and eventually you'll build confidence and love for yourself.

No. 225513

>>225510
This is really good advice that I wish everyone would hear and internalise. We all have the power to be kinder to ourselves and when you make a daily effort, you'll very quickly see results.

No. 225533

I hate having tits. mine have never been nice and have always been saggy, and they're not even huge ones. it seems like breast lifts look best if you also get an implant, but I really don't want to do that. I'd rather get them removed completely than get implants. I wish I had nice breasts, mine aren't as saggy/flat but I'd compare them to Luna's. it makes me hate seeing women with nice breasts too, which is so dumb. if natural they can't help their breasts being that way any more than I can help mine being this way.

what do I do anons? I really, really hate them. do I try for a lift without implants? therapy? I can't like them no matter how hard I try or how many partners insist they're just fine and that they like them. I know it's a slippery slope but part of me feels like if I got work done on them I would genuinely feel a lot better about myself. I can work out and tone up my body and improve myself in natural ways like that, but very little can be done to change breasts naturally. I hate this!

No. 225534

>>225533
You could try getting bras that make you feel better, ones with padding, that push up or just look pretty so you can maybe feel better about the appearance of your breasts. Also do remember that most women have breasts that sag to a degree even before having kids, you just don't see those women naked. Every naked picture you see online is posed, touched up, etc.
Try not to get surgery unless it bothers you in a physical way or literally sags down to your tummy or something very extreme.

No. 225546

File: 1642875548355.jpg (83.21 KB, 1080x1350, 1642268965014.jpg)

I've realized that I've been a passive observer in my life for as long as I can remember. This is due to some weird childhood immigration and some traumas regarding that. I've always been living my life for someone instead for me. Not in the sense of a servant or a doormat, but doing something, like taking piano lessons with a teacher I didn't like just to make my mom happy, that kind of thing. An outsider and I logically would say that I have a good life in all measures: I am pretty healthy with all limbs intact, I graduated university, I work a painfully boring job with good pay and benefits, I have loving parents (traumatized in their ways but still loving) and friends, I've a roof over my head, I'm considered pretty attractive/cute/etc. But I know I can do more and live for myself. There are a ton of things I want to do but I get overwhelmed and retreat back into being an observer instead. What can I do to ensure it happens less? How can I take steps to do what I want to do and stick with it? After 28 years of just seeing, I want to be, as corny as that sounds.

No. 225567

>>225510
Thanks anon, that's really good advice, seems so simple in a way but so useful

No. 225571

>>225546
Are you me? I can relate to immigrant trauma and being passive in life and I'm 28.

Secretly planning on putting everything I own into storage and travelling the world indefinitely as a location independent freelancer. I've missed out on so much and now I just want to see everything and do everything.p

No. 226048

How do I tell my mom she needs to try harder as I don't enjoy spending time with her?
She was always a negative person but the last few years all she talks about is how she's broke, and nothing good can ever happen because something bad happened decades ago.
If on the odd occasion she asks about my life, any detail I tell her will be twisted into something negative. If I tell her I won a prize, she'll say oh that's good. And then change the subject to some decades old memory of someone screwing her over when they won a prize. It's exhausting.
I love her but she drains me, and I only spend time with her because I feel guilty that she's all alone most of the time.
Before you say to help her, I've tried. I've set up dating profiles for her. I've set up businesses for her. I've taken her to doctors. I've given her money and bought her crazy gifts. Nothing makes her happy, or rather satisfied because she seems very happy when she has something new to complain about.
At this point I dread seeing her but I feel guilty that all I want when I'm around her is to get away. And she wants to see me multiple times a week, I work full time and it's such a commitment.
I need to tell her that something has to change. But how?

No. 226053

>>226048
You need to be as straightforward as possible; yes, it will be painful, and neither your mom or you will like it, but it has to happen. With some luck, after that when you give her time to think she will realize she has to change and at the very least give you more space, but if you never tackle this head on and have that conversation, nothing will change - as you probably know given your other, subtle efforts didn't help.

No. 226069

>>226048
I relate so much to your story, you have no idea! One thing you didn't mention is your mum's age, but even so…the truth is that you can't change her. The sad, sad truth. She's fallen into a habit of only feeling satisfied when she complains, as you noticed, which probably gives her some instant gratification type feeling, if you know what I mean. Investing time and resources - one such resource is willingness - in bettering herself probably never occured to her. Even if you somehow manage to get your point across, she'll say she's too old to change, or can't change, and between me and you, I don't think she will listen to any sort of advice from her child. That was my experience at least. I tried to "help" my mum all my life, and she brushed everything aside, remaining the same, no matter how much I tried.
Motivation to change comes from the inside, if she hasn't been willing to change for herself, she won't change for you. Not because she doesn't love you, her child, in her own way, as you pointed out, but her ego won't allow for her to listen to your advice. She tells you what to do, not the other way round… Again, this was my experience. You can definitely try talking to her, see what comes out of it.
One last thing, and I apologize for my novel, you didn't mention if she has any friends or other way of socializing, outside yourself. My mum didn't, I was and I still am her only way of socializing, which is bad! It put a lot of pressure on me. Like you, I don't want her to be all alone, but damn, it is draining, which leads me to disconnect and retreat deep within myself, if that makes sense. If she has no friends, I'm sorry to say, but what are the odds it's because they're so negative all the time?
In short, you will not change her, I don't think so. You need to change and impose some limits in this unhealthy relationship. My two cents. I actually hope it will get better for you - good luck and God speed!

No. 226078

File: 1643124804507.jpg (60.95 KB, 750x600, 6532065.jpg)

I was friends with A. for more than 6 years. I knew that I wasn't her favorite, but I thought we were able to hang out and chat online just fine, we had a lot of common interests.
Suddenly a few mean jokes about me slip out from her, as if she couldn't hold it back any longer… Then she moved to a new city and ghosted me, she notably ignores me in a group chat.
Recently she was visiting her relatives here, and we met in the company of mutual friends, it went normal. Now it's the cold shoulder again.

It breaks my heart thinking that for all these years my company was insufferable for her.
I am not an extrovert, not the funniest person, and she isn't either, but I know how to behave normally and not to charge person with my negativity.
Maybe she sensed my anxiety, marked me toxic and threw me away at the first opportunity.
All my self-improvement - down the drain.

Few years ago I made a new friend B.
We share some very specific interest, but other than that she often does not understand me. And she is very adamant about it, and can be very rude. A girl, she had a crush on, already left her because of this.
I tell B. about thing I like and she always finds something negative to say. Lately she finds her way to make everything about troons and /pol. I once asked her to stop and changed the subject, but now… I don't think we're close enough for me to make demands.
I'm starting to think she actually hates me, but she doesn't have many friends left either. She often texts me first.
She ruined my mood today again and I really wanted to block her without any explanation.

But I feel like we are the same. Two unchangeable grumpy spergs, whom no one can tolerate.

Should I continue trying to fix my relationships with A. and B.? At least for the sake of decency. Or they don't give a damn anyway?

It really feels like I'm a doomed autistic cow…

No. 226080

>>226078
what i got from this is your self esteem sounds to be quite low and you seem to feel like you have to 'settle' for these types of people. don't try to interact at all any more with A, they sound like a very fake person and bad for you, as for B i'm not so sure because i don't know the full story here or all the details, or what you're like as a person, but as a general rule if you feel like someone is bringing out the bad sides of you more than the good, then it's probably a good sign that you're not right for eachother and should just end the relationship. B continuously bringing up troons and /pol is a red flag tbh, ofc it's fun to joke about those things sometimes but if they're constantly bringing this up at random then they have a problem and it's not your job to try fix it. i know it's really vague but just try to surround yourself with more positive people and pay attention to how your words could be having an impact on the nature of your relationship and the types of people you attract.

No. 226090

>>226078
You sound like you're talking about your gfs/bfs instead of friends. A friend doesn't have to agree with you on everything or be your best friend to be a good friend. I have some friends I talk about private stuff with, some I shop with, some I gossip with, some I discuss my hobbies with, etc. You can't find the perfect friend that's going to be able to do all of those while sharing every view of yours. You should realize your friends should be people you like spending time with, not people you feel deeply connected with as that's not something that happens common at all.

No. 226225

>>226080
>>226090
Thank you for replying!
Sometimes I just see that there is a potential for a good friendship. Like, besides this specific interest, we had similar shitty life experiences and with each other we don't need to hide it. I imagine that B. just adopted this aggressive /pol mannerism. But if she genuinely enjoys provoking scandals, than, I'm sure, she could find a better company for this. And it is probably time to give up trying to maintain the illusion of friendship with A. Yeah, low self esteem it is. I often feel that people around me are allowed to be more emotional, but I have to walk on eggshells around them, or I'll be left all alone.
Now I do understand that friends are not supposed to have absolute identical views on everything, though of course there was a time when I've wished for this romanticised friendship with deep connection.
But there must be a limit of how upset you're willing to make the other person with your arguing.
If it's getting as exhausting, as dealing with unpleasant relatives… it cannot end peacefully.

No. 226636

File: 1643260870355.jpeg (31.92 KB, 532x577, 27954E13-2554-49CC-9A88-520A21…)

Anyone have any tips for making changes to your thought patterns and committing to them?
For years I’ve been scared of/intimidated by people my own age, even without reason. I’ve always felt like the weakest link in my friend groups and have been rejected so hard so many times that I’m scared to put myself out there. I feel intimidated messaging my own sisters because I’m afraid that they don’t like me and I’m bothering them. This has resulted in me falling into friend groups with people with no standards and no goals because i know they won’t judge me.
I’m moving to a new country for work later this year and I want to cultivate a healthy, open and receptive mindset and give myself the best opportunity to make new friends. Where should I start? Would also really appreciate any resources or lifestyle suggestions.

No. 226645

File: 1643265678296.png (324.49 KB, 696x644, pathetic.png)

There are only a few specific topics that I enjoy talking about. I feel like I am almost incapable of carrying on decent conversations about other things. Usually I try really hard to engage but never make a valuable contribution, and I stop wanting to talk at all. And then there are certain things I feel like I'm incapable of understanding and I can't make myself react in any way except utter confusion, and a lot of people read it as scorn or disdain. For instance, using social media, having casual sex, drinking or doing drugs, etc. I really don't scorn or look down upon people who are into that stuff, I just don't understand at all. I guess I just feel like most human beings are a different species than I am.

When people do want to talk to me about my interests, it makes me really happy, but I just end up talking or texting for ages and I'm never ready to change the subject. I'm also usually way more into it than they are.

I'm just sick of being this way. I wish I could talk to someone who was the same as me, but I feel like nobody exists with my same interests and my same enthusiasm. I feel alone in this world, which wouldn't bother me (I don't get lonely) if it weren't for the fact that I feel bottled up with so much stuff I want to share and nobody to share it with.

Has anyone like me ever changed over time, or met someone they could chat with, or anything?

INB4 I'm autistic, maybe, but I don't think so. If there's one thing more than anything I've been complimented on, it's public speaking skills and being able to engage an audience. I actually seek out debate and mock trial for that reason… I don't know how much that means but I've always assumed autism isn't congruent with that.

TLDR Who knows.

No. 226672

>>226645
Autists love to argue and debate, everything you say lines up with being on the spectrum.

No. 226699

>>226645
Sorry nonnie but you sound autistic. Have you heard of masking? Women with autism learn to socialise to survive but we just do so differently. You're good at public speaking because you're used to putting on a performance every day when you're social around other people.

>I'm also usually way more into it than they are.

Normies don't do this

>I feel like nobody exists with my same interests and my same enthusiasm.

I feel this way too. Honestly I'm trying to find and pick female friends that I suspect to be autistic as well, because you usually find you're just on the same ~wavelength~

>I really don't scorn or look down upon people who are into that stuff, I just don't understand at all

This is also an autistic trait btw, not being able to mentally comprehend when something thinks the opposite of what you do.

Anyway, I suggest looking out for other aspie girls, but avoid the men.

No. 226722

>>226699
>You're good at public speaking because you're used to putting on a performance every day when you're social around other people.
Yeah. That does ring true.

>Honestly I'm trying to find and pick female friends that I suspect to be autistic as well, because you usually find you're just on the same ~wavelength~

I don't even know where to start. Every woman I come into contact with feels like an alien from a different planet.

This story might make me sound bad or retarded but this is an accurate retelling: I joined mock trial at my college and our competitive team was all-female. We'd meet three times a week for two hours each. Every time, they just kept chatting. We'd do very little work, the girls just wanted to talk. They'd set deadlines and I'd be done and have everything finished by that deadline and they'd almost never finish and then laugh about it like it wasn't a big deal. After long enough sitting at every meeting in complete silence listening to the girls talk I quit. I realized that I couldn't understand why they wanted to socialize, why they weren't meeting deadlines, or how their brains worked in any fashion. They were completely inpenetrable to me.

After I quit one girl reached out to me, gave me a phone call and asked me why. I told her something similar (though in a much nicer way - I hope) and she asked me if I was a robot.

In the end that's it. There have been countless examples of that kind of thing in my life. Every female space I enter I end up quitting. I have never met another female robot.

>avoid the men

No. I'm looking for female friends and hope I make some, but my only friends my entire life have been male. It doesn't help that my main interests are male dominated. Are you familiar with any female vintage baseball card collectors? Do you think any woman between 18-24 on the face of the earth wants to talk to me about the 1910 Rube Waddell T206 card I'm bidding for on Ebay right now?

No. 226725

>>226722
Another anon here, you sound absolutely textbook autistic. There is no way you aren't kek. Hope you can find some other female robots to befriend in the future.

No. 226768

>>226722
>Do you think any woman between 18-24 on the face of the earth wants to talk to me about the 1910 Rube Waddell T206 card I'm bidding for on Ebay right now?
Why do you think there isn't? It sounds like excuses my ex friend made about women. She ending up trooning out.

No. 226769

>>226768
I've been pretty involved in the vintage baseball card community (and the vintage baseball community overall) for a couple years. I've been to card shows, talked to sellers, talked to biographers, etc. The male to female ratio is staggering. I might put it at 50 to 1. And almost everyone involved, male or female, is over the age of 35 or so.

No. 226770

My brother died traumatically, I feel like I should have stepped in before it’s too late. I had irrational fear that led me to not going outside. I moved away, deleted all forms of SM and stopped watching the news.
Skip past the therapy and medications, and 2 years later I’m still disconnected and unaware about anything “current”. I feel like I can’t catch up, and that I’m just stupid for not knowing what’s trending.
How can I have a Healthy balance here? Or should I just move into the mountains and build my own cabin and live in isolation forever

No. 226772

>>226770
what do you feel you're missing out on knowing? is it something you can't learn online?

No. 226773

>>226772
I guess I have a hard time keeping up with the news anymore or culture because I don’t have SM anymore. I feel like I miss so much going on in the world.
I guess if you could recommend good news apps that aren’t politically skewed thatd be great

No. 226782

>>226769
Having friends isn't about sharing every niche interest or being involved in the same hobbies. It's about finding good people who you can share your life with. If you're on the same wavelength it won't matter how much you have in common. Also, a good friend won't mind a bit of info dumping. Having varied interests makes for a more interesting and engaging friendship imo, because both parties can introduce the other to something new or show a new perspective. This advice is also good >>226090 .

No. 226786

>>226782
>If you're on the same wavelength it won't matter how much you have in common.
What you're saying makes sense, but I have no idea what I would do with another person if we don't have common interests. What would we talk about and do? I spend 25% of my life in school (where I am studying a field that is one of my interests), 25% at work (I'm a waitress - not really much to say), 25% completely enveloped in my personal interests, and 25% asleep. If I can't engage with a person on my interests, I don't know what's left, frankly, or how other people are connecting if it's not via common interest. The weather or?

INB4 Do I have a personality. No.

No. 226814

>>226773
Honestly that's probably a good thing. The 24 hour news cycle and constantly hearing about bad news on SM is destroying our brains. It might be best to choose a couple of independent news sites to send notifications to your phone, but otherwise I'd give anything for the peace of not knowing about everything happening all over the world, all at once.

No. 226890

>>226814
Follow up question, which news sources are the most trust worthy? I hate how American media is so politicized, I want facts not fiction.

No. 226896

>>226890
RN i'm trying to stay away from all the news but when I was still in process of limiting it I would only check reuters, it seems informative and neutral, not pushing sensationalized stories for clicks.

No. 226936

How should I approach my 12-year-old sister about my concerns without making her feel cornered or ashamed or like she has to deny everything?

I've noticed small cuts on her arms a few times during the past 6 months, she clearly tried to hide them and they did look very intentional, not like random scratches. I've heard her crying in her room late at night and briefly seen a few notes on her desk containing quite dark thoughts. I respect her privacy so I haven't looked for more, of course, those I saw accidentally when I was with her. She has also begun to show behavior I would do while I was struggling with an eating disorder: feeling the size of her arms or stomach while zoning out, weighing herself often, skipping meals every now and then, clearly analyzing her body when seeing herself in mirrors. I notice these things so fast because I have a long history of mental health issues myself.

I don't think I should go to our parents first since they have far less understanding of this than I do. They didn't support me when I was struggling. I feel like the best thing to do would be to give her some sort of advice and support, and make her feel comfortable enough to ask for my help if it becomes more serious. I could help direct her somewhere where she could get professional help maybe. I have no idea of the severity of this, but I suspect it's not too hard to stop from becoming serious since it's very new behavior. She has seemed to be a bit anxious about school for a couple of years now though.

It feels hard to approach her because I think this is caused by unsupervised internet access and possibly worsened because of her very very close relationship with our cousin. It wouldn't surprise me if they talk about these things and influence each other to do concerning things together. They've always been practically the same person, the cousin is only one year older. It's great they have each other's support, but I believe they shouldn't be spending so much time together if it's unhealthy. I want to inform her of the dangers online and about the eating disorder and depression communities there are that very openly share all kinds of tips. I know how "cool" it can look and how brainwashed it can make you. However, I also know she won't care about that, plus atm she believes nothing I say and just tells me to shut up and leave her alone. Could a letter be a good way to address this? If yes what do I say? And how can I prevent it from becoming awkward afterward if she does get ashamed and panicked? Maybe I could tell her that she can write her thoughts to me in a letter as well? I know it's incredibly hard to admit those things face to face.

More than anything I need a bit of reassurance from you anons. I'm awfully concerned about her mental health and I know I need to do this first push towards the right direction. I'm so scared of doing it wrong and making it worse for her. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

No. 226947

>>226890
Basically everything. Only exception is some small newsletter about a specific topic like AI or knitting.

No. 226955

>>226936
Anon I don't know if I have any helpful advice but you sound like a good sister and you seem thoughtful and empathetic enough that however you choose to approach this I doubt it will make things worse. I'm sure your sister is glad to know you care even if she comes across as dismissive on the surface.

I think a letter is a good idea, maybe less lecturing her about the dangers of the internet because she will likely think you're "out of touch" and "don't get it," and will end up tuning out, but perhaps sharing your own experience and what helped you. Maybe include resources or directions to professional help if you can find a way to do so that, again, doesn't seem too "lecture-y." Don't pressure her to respond and assure her you aren't going to be on her case about this but let her know you're there for her if she ever wants to talk, even just via text or something like that. Hopefully just knowing she has someone supportive and understanding on her side will help.

No. 226959

>>226936
I don't have siblings but I've had friends who dealt with it approach me. One was super casual about it. The conversation was basically 'you cut?' 'yeah…' 'ok cool, be careful and if you need anything I'm here'. At the time I liked that she didn't make a big deal out of it. She just stated it very matter of factly. The other sent me a really nice, sappy message saying she knows what it's like and that she loves me and that everything will be okay. Even as an edgy, emo tard that really touched me. I still think about it all of the time. Sorry for the blog, my main point is that you shouldn't put any pressure on her to talk about it. Be as least confrontational as possible. It's likely she'll be on the defensive from the get go. Just let her know you noticed the marks (or that something was wrong if you want to be less direct) and offer support. See where it goes from there. It's a really tough situation nonna, I wish you and your sister the best.

No. 227062

My mom wants to get a boob job. She has basically no boobs and has always wanted to do it but she wants to do it secretely behind my dads back. How do I talk her out of it?

No. 227090

how do i stop my abusers from turning people against me? i have become scared of posting on social media or using messaging at all. when they heard i am not using social media anymore they got angry. they probably find my friends from there. before that i used to tell them because i was raised to never lie, everyone will know when i lie. i've been living for years without friends. they don't like me having any. when i talked about going to clubs and such, they get scared or disappointed. they insist i tell them when and where i go anytime, which is bullshit. i bought a new laptop and phone.

No. 227097

>>227090
Anon none of this makes sense. You can control your privacy on SM apps. You can use a nickname, keep your face off the profile pics. Only add people you trust.

No. 227119

>>227090
Are you the same anon who wants to get plastic surgery because of facebook and a stalker? I feel like there's been an increase in schizo posters here.

No. 227132

File: 1643482013290.jpg (187.46 KB, 600x829, high-time-history-film-poster-…)

Picrel is completely unrelated.
I've been increasingly preoccupied with the idea of leaving the country I was born in because it's pretty much a dictatorship at this point, corruption has just reached record highs and the politicians in power robbed the government budget and tough times are coming. My options are the following:

Place 1
>North-American country
>I have a family member living here and although our relationship is somewhat alienated, I'm sure he would help me with finding a place to live in
>I speak the official language of this region somewhat but not well enough and I find the local dialect quite tricky
>I lived here for a couple of months (I have citizenship as well) and although I didn't make lasting friendships, the people are generally very friendly
>The degree I have is pretty much worthless here and since I don't think they would look at my work history from my tiny unimportant European home country, I'm pretty sure I'd have to get another degree and then a job in an entirely different field and start everything from scratch
>The winters suck

Place 2
>Scandinavian country
>I have never been to this country but have family friends and they always say overwhelmingly positive things about living here
>The company I work for at the moment has its HQs here and would finance the move and I'd get to keep my current job as well
>I don't speak the language and tbh it seems quite tricky for me (although workplace offers free language courses)
>I don't have citizenship (but I'd stay within the EU)
>I heard people are friendly but keep their distance
>The winters suck

The main point of dilemma is the job question. I have a degree in humanities and not sure whether I could or wanted to start things from scratch

No. 227137

>>227132
I'd say go to Scandinavia. It's closest to home and you've got guaranteed work which is super important. As for the language, unless it's Finnish, all the other Scandinavian languages should be relatively easy for you to pick up since they're all closely related to English which you already speak. Also whichever Scandinavian country you're going for, the living standards are probably higher there than whatever N-A country you're talking about.

No. 227159

best friend forgot today about my birthday. are we doomed to become strangers or is there a way we can salvage this relationship.

No. 227196

As an ex porn addict, how do you live without porn? I find it difficult to just imagine stuff and I can't find good erotica. It's making me question a lot of things. I think that maybe I'm forcing myself to masturbate out of boredom or something. Without porn I don't know if I even have a sex drive.

No. 227206

>>227196
If you are masturbating out of boredom and need to keep yourself busy, engage in more structured activities, work out more, spend less time alone in places you're willing to masturbate. If you've dealt with porn addiction for a long time, coming back from it means a period of adjustment and rediscovering your libido and sexual fantasies. I dealt with porn addiction a few years ago (unable to orgasm without it). For a while I couldn't get off, but the evil of the sex industry and understanding how unhealthy it was for me, reinforcing my fears and insecurities around sex with how hateful towards women it is was worth it. My fantasies now are unfortunately still influenced by it and I can use masturbation as an unhealthy stress reliever but it's better than watching porn.

>>227062
tell her you need consistent upkeep on them and risks of breast implant illness.

No. 227208

Nearly 29 and never had a romantic relationship or dated despite trying to make those things happen.

How do I get over the fact that I'll never know what it's like to have those experiences as a teenager or 20-something? Feels like I missed out on the best part of life.

No. 227256

>>227097
yes i can but they used to put keyloggers on my devices. sometimes they would put voice recorders or trackers inside things they gifted me, and make me gift the items to friends. now it's alright because i know more about these things to be careful.
>>227119
no, and that is sad. it is also pointless to get plastic surgery against stalkers when you can wear a mask now anywhere.
i am not a schizo. my adoptive parents did horrible things to me and spied on me to make sure i don't ever tell anyone. they blackmailed friends and dates to force confessions and spy on me. sometimes the friends got hurt or suddenly moved to another school without saying anything to me.

No. 227260

>>22720
>best part of life
I’m an early 20 something currently missing out on those things, i do feel like im missing out on a huge part of life, maybe because everyone goes through those things. but it’s definitely not the best part of life

No. 227312

>>227137
Thanks for your comment! Yes, I was also leaning to that option. It was Canada (Quebec area) vs Sweden btw

No. 227363

File: 1643572235975.gif (865.4 KB, 275x207, 2d3d6428a98a044f7ad7ac1130f573…)

How do I get back on track? I have deteriorated so, so badly the past 5 or so years. I've gone from a happy, productive, fullfilled girl to a complete husk. I barely feel anything. I hate this so much but I have no idea how to start to get out of this rut. I look around my house and see the remnants of a past-me and her colorful life. Books I've read, books I wanted to read so badly. So many well-loved craft and art supplies and untouched ones I couldn't wait to try. I feel like crying, it's all gathering dust. After I got raped and after some other things happened, it's like I completely got my soul ripped out of me. It makes me want to die, I do nothing but the barest of minimum to get through the days. Anyone here also experienced this and got better successfully? I could really use some help, I've no one to ask irl.

No. 227373

File: 1643574143049.jpg (171.01 KB, 1356x2124, autism.jpg)

>>226722
AYRT and sorry for the late response, but I wanted to touch on the last thing you mentioned. You said that you're more likely to be friends with men, and I don't remember where I saw it but it was an article on how autism appears in women and through one of the studies mentioned in the article it has a scale of how "socially functioning" certain groups were and it was something like picrel (excuse the shitty made graph)

But essentially I think we get along with men easier because we have more in common with NT men because they're on similar thought planes to us and NT women are just on a level we can't quite get to. That's why i suggest ND women because they're one of the only groups that can relate and understand the way another woman like her will think.

Also I say ND instead of autistic because in this case I think ADHD and related disorders fit into this category

No. 227374

File: 1643574280430.jpg (303.82 KB, 1920x1200, birb.jpg)

>>227363
Hey nonnie, I' going through something very similar. Sorry if this sounds dumb or whatever, I'm not that great at giving advice. Just know that you're not alone in this.
What really helped me was physical excercise, long walks in the forest, far away from people. I thrifted some books on plants and local birds, so I can look for them on these walks. It developed into kind of a new hobby, this was the kick I needed to get some motivation back. A reason to go outside, but still be away from people. Also, small victories whenever I managed to identify a plant or see a rare bird. My health also improved, which led me to improve mentally as well. I still avoid people and I'm not back to where I was before but it definitely helped. I live in the countryside, this might be a little more difficult if you're in a city.
Another thing I like to do is press flowers/plants and make collages out of them. Low effort but pretty, reminds me of nice things.
You could try looking into yoga and meditation. A herbal supplement that helped me is valerian, you can get in in capsule form. It's a mild sedative, helps with anxiety and insomnia. Good sleep is very important. God i sound like a dirty hippie kek. Hope you like this birb though, he's rooting for you ❤️

No. 227379

>>226890
It's less about the kinds of news sites you turn to and being more literate when it comes to media. I'm in Australia and our media is so drowned by Murdoch but every article I read I'll be critical of what language they're using to describe the event being reported, checking the sources, watching out for who's writing said articles. Most media outlets will report on something true and factual, but it's the way they're portraying it that sways opinions to one side or another. Look at everything with an objective eye.

No. 227386

>>227363
Hi nonnie. I understand how you feel, I spent most of my teen years being raped and abused by multiple men and the past few years, years of my 20s I should be out partying and having fun, have been filled with trying to recover from all that trauma. You need to see a therapist, you need to work through these difficulties you've had with a professional. You can't get to this point and pull yourself out of it on your own. When people have hurt us, we need the good people in this world to show us we can trust and love again.

The things apart from therapy that helped me were taking up little projects for myself, something creative that makes you feel accomplished when completed that's purely for you.
Also really taking the time to think and reflect on your life. We live in an age where we don't have to be alone with our thoughts if we don't want to, but in doing so we lose the beauty of what our thoughts can give us. When I'm doing things around the house, whether it's laundry, cooking, having a cigarette, I won't be listening to any music, and keep my phone tucked away. I'll simply allow myself to be with my own thoughts.
Some would put it in the category of "mindfulness" but it really does go a long way to just sit with your thoughts, let them pass, and allow yourself to feel.

No. 227392

>>227363
You don't have to go back to being who you were, the husk you are now can be fleshed out to a completely new person. Acknowledge who you once were but don't compare yourself to her, no matter what you are still you.

Your past interests includes reading and art, reading might be too much effort for you now, but maybe you can try using your art supplies? Not using any skills, no planning, just use them, like fingerpaint with expensive acrylics, or doodle some fancy 8's on watercolour papers. You don't have to create what you were used to creating, the important thing is to visualize your efforts trying to get better. You might find joy in creating again, or have vented.

You don't have to pick up on art/reading again, but having an interest gives you focus on living, and this interest should be accessible to you.

I myself got into junk journaling, turning paper waste and random pretty papers into usable journals is so satisfying, it's like visualizing putting myself together. Making simple ephemeras to put in junk journals or just any journals, like paper tags or journaling cards, is also very fulfilling.

Much love to you anon, you're strong and wanting to change, and I wish you the best.

No. 227415

Warning: gross mucus discussion



So whenever I have a cold or flu, at a later stage I will end up coughing up some thicker mucus (feels almost like solid jelly?) with reddish specks in it. I’m sure it’s nothing crazy, maybe a little tissue damage from dry coughing, but every time I google it to pinpoint what’s happening I get told it’s something serious (coughing up blood). I’m a bit of a hypochondriac so I can’t decide whether it’s fine or if my lungs are in danger. My airways feel super clear once that’s done.

No. 227426

File: 1643581534005.jpg (71.98 KB, 735x922, 9ebe73f2fa1068848cc34a87279274…)

This is going to be sort of a mess but I hope something comprehensible comes out of it for someone. Lately I've been feeling so numb. I moved out of my parents home and into my own apartment 2 years ago when I was 19 and despite the fact that I did it to escape abusive behaviour, I feel like my mental health has largely went downhill in the past year. I was really making progress to begin with, really listening to myself and working with myself to feel better and being able to cultivate my own space in a home that was mine was really special for me.
There's a lot that happened. I was raped by one of my current boyfriends friends around when I first moved in. I was able to get through that and for a long time I didn't recognize it as assault because I tend to dissociate (just something I picked up from living in an abusive household). Even after I did though, I didn't tell my boyfriend. I just don't feel like it will help the situation for anyone. Nobody will be happy and I guess a part of me is afraid if my bf reveals himself as just any other moid if I tell him one of the bros raped me. My logical brain doesn't think he would but I'm still not ready to tell him. It's been eating away at me.
Alongside this, my sister that I moved out with into my apartment has kind of revealed herself as a narc. Or at the very least very emotionally dysfunctional. It takes a toll on my mental health. After years of being convinced that I'm the issue or I'm being toxic, it kind of just hit me one day that I'm the one who constantly feels like she's walking on eggshells. I'm the one who feels afraid to speak out against certain behaviours. I'm the one who started having to leave the room because I would start absolutely sobbing and shaking whenever the tiniest arguments would come up because my nervous system learned that I was about to be berated or psychologically abused in some way.
I hate feeling like a victim all the time.
Lately I'm so so fucking anxious. I'm starting to feel like if I don't do something, I'm going to snap and get a plane ticket and just completely start over. I know it hasn't but it feels like my life has started going downhill and I need to change something drastic.

No. 227681

Hi anons, I'm in my second semester in college and I decided against pursuing my intended major (Computer Science) because I'm shit at coding and math, my very Asian family bullied me into it kek

On the bright side, I have found a career I wanted to pursue instead, but my problem is that my family probably won't accept it. I've been thinking about becoming a licensed Funeral Director for years, since I'm best in science and art and I'm good with communication. My family however still expects me to do a traditional 4 year degree in a "respectable" field, like nursing or meteorology. I absolutely do not want to be in school that long. Unsure about how to break this to my family.

No. 227698

>>227415
This is normal and happens to pretty much everyone.
https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/mayo-clinic-q-and-a-nasal-mucus-color-what-does-it-mean/
Once I coughed up a piece of mucus into my mouth that had a crunchy consistency, that was awful.

No. 227700

>>227681
IIRC funeral directors and morticians have good, stable careers and there’s always demand for them. I say go for it. As for telling your family, I don’t really have good advice other than the fact that you’ve reached adulthood and are capable of making life decisions for yourself. There’s always gonna people who disagree with your choices (either in their heads or vocally) but ultimately YOU are the one who will face the consequences of your choices, not them. Don’t make major life choices just to please others, and if your choices displease others, learn to shrug it off.

No. 227758

how do i be happy and make friends when i spent my childhood in the foster system, being drugged, getting fiddled by the caregivers, getting beaten up if i ever said anything or even acted suspicious, then got bullied and blamed by the other kids when the one non-pedo nanny got fired because she tried to help us?
i got ptsd, general anxiety, social anxiety, autism, i self-harm (to lesser extent than i used to), i can never fall asleep naturally because i was forced to eat benzos, tranquilizers and r*pe drugs my whole childhood, i get fucking seizures, have no money for therapy, got liver damage, still experience withdrawals and have developed paranoid, delusional schizophrenia believing that everyone around me knows and if i ever say anything bad about my childhood i or my friends will get beaten up, crippled, or killed. nobody fucking cared about children like us, or they got beaten up and sent away. i felt like it was my fault for not running away or fighting back well enough. i can't even be normal in a relationship, i start acting borderline, obsessing and crying and shaking about the thought of them losing attraction to and leaving me. i am trying to find happiness in hobbies but that also devolves into a narcissistic obsession where i need reassurance and compliments from social media about how good i am at it. i start getting competitive and compare myself and feel miserable in the end. thankfully sports work because i can relax then, but i can not make friends at sports clubs because i start acting like an avoidant bitch subconsciously or simply too autistic to fit in and be friends with others doing the same hobby. the molestation also gave me a weird obsession about even platonic relationships, where i start to worry that they will leave me too, or i develop sexual attraction and ruin the friendship in my mind which then makes me avoid them eventually. am i doomed to be terminally online and coping with going on runs for the rest of my life? is there hope that i will ever be somewhat normal? that i will wake up happy and calm or at least neutral?

No. 227760

>>227758
i want to add that i overcame my self-harming a lot, there is a compulsion to but i found a less damaging method. another thing i am struggling with is hypersexuality or low libido. when i get sexual it is too much, when i attempt normalcy my sex drive becomes almost non-existent, but maybe this is normal for women.

No. 227761

>>227758
So you have some awareness of your unhealthy patterns and unresolved trauma. That's a good start. I don't want to sound blunt or dismissive of your text wall but you need therapy and you need it yesterday. I know you're concerned about the money, but with issues of your calibre, it's just not optional. Find someone who charges on a sliding scale. Get government assistance. Take out a loan. It can be scary to open up to a professional who is paid to listen to you, especially when you have a history of being betrayed by authorities, but you cannot solve this by yourself. Clearly you aren't in a position to have friends, so your social life will have to start with therapy.
Being alone and disconnected like this will kill you. It's especially concerning that you're paranoid, delusional, feeling hopeless, unable to cope…. My heart breaks for you. I don't want you to suffer a minute longer than necessary. I believe in your happy future and that's why I'm encouraging you to seek help.

No. 227767

>>227758
I hate to sound like i'm advertising but try 7cups or another similar site/app that allows you to talk to people online first. As another anon said, therapy is very much needed in this situation, but starting online may be easier for you financially. Also with the site I mentioned you can pick and choose someone to talk to which sort of eliminates the potential of getting a therapist you don't like in person and wasting money you don't have already.
Your situation is very dark and trauma happened to you very young over a long period of time, simply making friends and taking on some hobbies may not be enough. This is something that needs to be taken care of with the aid of a person designed to listen and extrapolate things with you and get you back into a healthy mental state.
Good luck anon I feel for you.

No. 227778

>>227760
>found a less damaging method.
Can you help a nona out?

No. 227796

I booked a session with a dominatrix for tomorrow, already paid the deposit, and im starting to have second thoughts about whether i should go. Basically I just told her to go as hard as she can on me, and i wont have a safeword. wat do? How can i banish apprehension and second guesssing from my mind?

No. 227816

>>227796
Second guessing is good for you. Listen to your inner voice telling you this is wrong

No. 227834

>>227796
You shouldn't go just because of this alone
>i wont have a safeword.
Please don't be dumb anon, if she agreed to this then she probably sucks. Seconding the above post, trust your gut.

No. 227936

File: 1643752429343.jpg (201.75 KB, 1914x1029, E95XghVXIAMDLQZ.jpg)

nonnies what is a health/self-care advice that you wish you could give to your younger self or wish you had started sooner? i recently had a health issue which was a wake up call for me to realize how much of a shitty job i was doing treating my body i've been taking my youth as granted and my body doesnt keep up with my shitty habits anymore, i wish i knew about the consequences before, i started taking vitamins very recently and i saw improvements instantly (for example floss everyday or you'll have teeth problems, improve your sleeping habits for your mental health, dont wear headphones too much or you'll get tinnitus, change your sheets every week etc. or stuff like i wish i was more outgoing, i wish i spent more time alone) i know its stupid because this stuff should be intuitive but i'm trying to start a challenge for myself where i force to take better care of myself for 3 months to see if it could help me both internally and externally, i dont care about living longer or anything i just feel like i owe it to my body, thank you for reading

No. 227966

>>227796
you stop thinking like a scrote and stay away from this hoe

No. 228011

>>227966
>stop thinking like a scrote
>calls other women "hoes"
kek

No. 228030

>>228011
Yeah, I called the sex worker a hoe because that's what she is. I don't give a shit if you think sex workers are 'progressive ladies', they're broken hoes who only play on vulnerabilities and perpetuate hyper sex and rape culture in men and women.

No. 228031

>>227936 biggest advice I would give to my younger self is to stop worrying about looking "manly/bulky" and lift weights asap + stop eating like shit because that metabolism caught up to me once i hit 23.

grew up detesting sports in school because of my anxiety but now I'm trying to undo 27% body fat because my dumb ass didn't put effort into lifting weights when I had more free time. now it's a lot harder because I have more pounds to lose and less time in the day.

No. 228037

>>228030 no one thinks they are progressive ladies. you can be critical of sex work and how women end up in sex work without calling them names.

No. 228039

>>228037
>no name calling
>is on an anonymous meme forum

ok mum sorry I wont say doo doos

No. 228088

>>228030
its weird to zero in on sex workers like this. i agree theyre mentally ill but the people primarily responsible for perpetuating rape, one would think, are the people doing the raping i.e men lol

No. 228092

>>228030
um… ok…

No. 228094

>>228088
Did I even say they're primarily responsible? No, I said they perpetuate this culture, meaning they only help grow this idea that sex is available, sex is there to pleasure your fucked fantasies, women are toys that can be paid to fulfill your violent desires, sex is loveless and is only a consumer product.
And yeah you're right, the real primaries are the rapists i.e men, but women constantly feeding into scrote mentality and giving already broken men what they want whenever they want only teaches them that women are sex fulfilling objects, which fuels rape.

No. 228702

anyone have some ideas as to how i can hold this guy who goes to my school (we also briefly dated last year) accountable for making a tiktok that contains a joke with the punchline being how he wants to brutally murder a woman? my university is looking into it but i’m afraid they won’t expel him and i’m committed to sending his ass home. it’s not because we dated btw, i already got my revenge. i would be just as determined to get any disgusting misogynistic scrote expelled if they posted something similar online. also, the fact that i know our school would have already received countless emails if he had posted something racist instead irks me. i’m trying not to dwell on it but seeing him walk around campus with a fucking smirk on his face while bragging about how his tiktok got deleted after receiving 2500 likes fills me with rage. if asking for this type of advice is somehow against the rules then i apologize and i’ll delete it.

No. 228705

>>228094
>sex worker women, who are mostly forced into it when underage or trafficked, are making sex available and that's why men rape! What do you mean any woman who's sleeping with men is also supporting this.. It's not the same when I fuck my moid!! Or random moids!
I hate it when women dunk of prostitutes but not the Johns or pimps who rape women the most often. The class which gets assaulted and killed the most often also gets blamed for men's degeneracy because we never make men take responsibility themselves.

No. 228721

>>228702
you have to be 18 years old to post here.

No. 228731

>>228721
yeah, i’m aware. i have a late birthday.

No. 228834

>>228705
>who are mostly forced into it when underage or trafficked
Tell that to an entire generation who has willingly decided that sex work is 'cool' and 'trendy' has gone into it full force and are opening their own practices/sites just to feed coomer fantasies for it.

No. 228837

>>228702
As an oldfag, I imagine the people tasked with reviewing this kids edgy tiktok now know he's incredibly sexually frustrated and bitter about it. You might not get a satisfactory action taken but still.. he's not winning.

No. 228849

Is it weird to ask a guy 'what are we', or something along those lines? He flirts with me and I flirt back so I know what's going on, I just want to hear from him what he really thinks of me. I want to just bring it up casually while we're chillin' and drinking, but is that fucking weird? I know I like him, he's passionate, one of the very few people I find attractive, loves and appreciates art and he compliments me a lot (they're genuine compliments too, I suspect he's a massive autist and I don't see him as the type of person to give compliments just because). He's very supportive (encouraged me to go to college again, saying I'm intelligent and have enough talent for my subject) and I think he has a more positive attitude towards life which will be good for me. I just want to know if he feels the same way or if I'm just a fling. Sorry for the word salad I'm a bit autistic when it comes to relationships since the only one I had was with a pedophile lol and it fucked up my perspective on normal relationships

No. 228850

>>228849
That’s fine, you gotta DTR at some point.

No. 228852

>>228850
Thanks nonna. He lives outside the country right now (for his studies) but once he gets back we'll be able to see each other more often. He'll have his degree finished, make more money and might get his own apartment. I'm not counting on anything but I hope to come around more often and slowly move in, I feel a bit trapped at home (of course if he turns out a massive douche I won't). We have never been super super close which is why I feel so conflicted, but I'll ask him over the summer when he returns. I'm a bit drunk right now and it's making me feel like things are worse than they are. We'll work it out, I'm sure. We're both kind of awkward slow geeks, I love how passionate he is about his hobbies and I feel very comfortable around him and understand the way he thinks. I just hope he feels the same way about me. As I said he is supportive of me and is there when I'm feeling down so he must care at least a little bit. I don't know. We'll see.

No. 228857

>>228849
just do it! if you two aren't able to talk about these things, you won't be compatible in the long term anyway because you won't be able to talk about relationship changes or difficulties.

you can lead up to it by asking questions about what he wants to do or where he sees himself in the future.

No. 228872

How do I tell annoying moid who clings to our friend group and never shuts the fuck up to go away? Or at least stop being such a sperg? We're all too "nice" to say anything.

No. 229021

>>228872
Tell him what you just wrote. "Look, either go away, or shut the fuck up and stop being so annoying."

No. 229095

How to phase out of an online group?

I already tried just dipping, but everyone came to guilt me back and I did but I'm pretty sure I just wanna phase out gracefully.

No. 229100

>>229095
Block and ignore is the best approach in my opinion, because there's no point in trying to please people you don't want to associate with anymore. Alternatively if you don't have attachment to anyone else on your socials you can just say your job is keeping you really busy lately, abandon the accounts and make new ones and block those people from the get go, leaving them with no choice but to assume you never log in anymore because of your real world responsibilities.

No. 229544

my childhood best friend is turning into a rightwing extremist and it's really disheartening to see.
i have a past of being a pickme tradthot when i was in my early teens and at the time i was a lot more radical than her, in fact she was pretty liberal (neither of us really knew what it meant, we were super young). then as i grew up and matured, my pickme phase ended and i stopped holding the horrible views that i used to. well, since then my best friend has only gotten worse. she's become religious (nothing wrong with that on it's own) and holds very non-sensical radical beliefs about certain things. for example, she thinks if a woman who dresses "provocatively" gets raped, it's her fault, she believes certain races are above others, she thinks women who watch porn are satanic etc… basically all of this crazy shit that i never even believed when i was at the peak of my mental illness.
i'm pretty much her only friend left and if it was anyone else i would've just ghosted them, but she's gone through a lot. her mother killed herself as a result of a schizophrenic episode a couple years ago, she's grown up with her grandma and grandpa (who is also schizophrenic). she has beginning stages of schizophrenia herself and a range of other mental issues and has been in the hospital on and off pretty much her entire life. i'm scared that if i leave she will kill herself. furthermore, i think if i were even to tell her that i disagree with her political views she would do the same, because we always used to talk about how we're the only ones we can be honest with regarding politics, since "non-lefties" are so ostracised in the real world (i don't believe this anymore obviously, i'm quoting my thought process from years ago).
what would you do in my situation? do you think it's best if i'm honest or just continue putting on a facade to protect her?

No. 229545

>>229544
bump cause i accidentally saged

No. 229736

>>229544
>i'm scared that if i leave she will kill herself. furthermore, i think if i were even to tell her that i disagree with her political views she would do the same
Look anon, you are not responsible for your friend's choices. You are certainly not responsible for her life or death. If it was just one or two things I'd say try to ask questions and see if you can reach her, but she seems really far gone based on everything you've said and you need to prioritize keeping yourself safe and sane more so than trying to cure a mentally ill zealot. Because you can't. She either realizes she's lost every good friend she had because of her views or gets worse. But again - her decision. You can attempt gently talking to her about some of her new views and why she's chosen to believe these things, but I feel like it's just going to be an exercise in frustration for you at best or going to trigger her into chewing you out at worst, so the best option would be to distance yourself. This is not the sort of person who is healthy to have in your life. She does need support, but from a psychiatrist who is professionaly trained to treat schizophrenic patients, not a friend who could quickly become collateral damage.

No. 230231

Last year I was in a dark place and briefly dated someone while I was at my lowest low and longed for any kind of close relationship. It ended in a disaster and we cut contact, even though not on bad terms. Looking back I feel so much shame, mostly for me lowering my standards so low and secondly for hurting them really bad in the end. Remembering the whole thing feels almost traumatic. I don't spend a lot of time reminiscing about it but when I do it still hurts. I was able to avoid said person for a long time but now I'm back in my small town we're bound to meet face to face again. I want to be rid of said shame when that happens so I can address the issue properly, if it comes up. The only 100% sure way to heal I know is time and I don't have that. Are there any mental tricks I can try? Writing something down on a piece of paper and burn it?

No. 230239

I went on 2 dates with a guy and he hasn't initiated any physical contact and wants to see me again. What does this mean? Guys usually try to kiss and touch on the 1st date. Does he not find me attractive?

No. 230240

>>230239
It means he is potentially a normal person that understands boundaries and is not rushing it. Potentially. If he wants to meet again he must like you.

No. 230258

My ex was my first and last kiss, the only person I've ever had sex with, and the only person to hug and cuddle with me since I was a child. Our relationship ended because he abused me, and now that I've finally gotten away, all my happy memories of physical affection are tainted. I can't daydream about being hugged without remembering him, which then spirals into awful memories of things he did to hurt me. How can I break the association? We've been apart long enough that I barely ever think of him outside of this particular type of situation. It's like a horrible intrusive thought. Any advice? Something other than "make new memories with other men."

No. 230299

>>230258
How long ago was that relationship? Maybe for this specific kind of memory more time is needed?
Something I imagine could maybe help would be watching or reading about love stories? Just to get away associating intimacy with just that one person and kinda reset your brain back to fantasizing how it can happen to anyone, with anyone?

No. 240627

Please help me, guys… How do I control my sexuality? I am so close to downloading tinder and hooking up with a qt from there, but I know I'd thereby degrade myself immensely. I just crave intimacy so badly. I have a very high sex drive. I am really active and I study, hang out with friends, exercise. Maybe I don't meditate enough… I just want to have casual sex so badly, but I know it would hurt my heart and soul. I'm better than that. Still…

No. 240795

>>240627
Nothing wrong with casual sex if you want it and nothing more. It would be only degrading if you did it if you were so deprived of love and intimacy you'd want even a few hours of it; but if you know what you're in for and you know you'll have no problem discarding dudes you meet up, then totally go for it, just be sure to remember taking all the necessary precautions ( you know, trust your gut, let your friends know where are you going etc )

No. 240880

File: 1645364389769.jpg (55.07 KB, 1000x667, shutterstock_180058235-1.jpg)

How can I learn to trust people? For some reason I noticed in myself that I always expect the worst from everyone. Even if people are nice to me I look for cues in their voice that indicate sarcasm or malice. I hate being this way and want to form more attachments but how?

No. 240909

>>240795
Shit advice, nona herself says she knows it wouldn't be good for her, so why encourage her to go for it when most people can't handle nsa sex anyways?

No. 241089

Been dating a guy for 2 weeks, last night I tried to get intimare with him at his place but he kept stopping me. Hes nervous and only got semi-hard. Ive never experienced this with a guy before. He kept kissing me all over and called me sexy but he couldnt even get hard?

No. 241136

I’ve been studying at university for a few years now and I’m absolutely overwhelmed with organising what to work on myself and actually doing it, like writing papers or studying for exams etc. I need to perform an internship and exchange year, too, which I keep pushing off because of organisation, money and housing issues. I’m practically failing all my classes while piling up debt from government support. My family has never been supportive, so it’s not like I could turn to them for help. I do have a job besides university but can’t do a lot of hours there and I’ve got no other degree except the one from school. Even if I were to get my bachelors, I don’t want to work in the field I’m studying, I’d be happy with a dumb warehouse job instead. But then my family would let me know how much of a failure I am and rub it under my nose all the time, like it’s so funny I’m struggling. I feel like all I’m doing is wasting my time and keeping up appearances because of outward pressures that I have to fulfil, otherwise I’m considered worthless. In hindsight, I should have gone for some job training, so I could be working full time by now. Alas, this is where I’m at. Debt I don’t know how to pay off, no degree, no one that knows about my situation or to confide in and no idea what to do with my life. I really don’t know what to do, continue while feeling miserable all the time or get made to feel even more miserable for wanting to start over. Idk. This is kind of all over the place and more of a vent but any outside perspective or advice would be appreciated.

No. 241391

Has anyone moved to another country and had to learn the language? How was it? I know with the state of the site, things aren't too serious so I'm looking for genuine replies only.

No. 241397

shouod I turn in an assignment tomorrow for a late grade and do a better job or rush it and then put out an awful product

maybe I'll just try to rush it because she auto deducts too many points compared to my other professors

No. 241492

I want to end my long term relationship but we live together. I've tried ending it before a month ago but he refused to believe I was unhappy. I'm not attracted to him and he's more like a best friend but he's stuck on me. I don't think he'll let me go and also I'm afraid of him breaking my shit like he's done before when I upset him. I get so pissed off at myself everyday continuing this charade but I'm afraid of his reaction, afraid of being alone after having only him as support for 6 years, and I'm scared of moving back home or possibly getting an apartment alone. Advice?

No. 241493

>>241089
He’s just nervous, Anon. Give it some time. My bf was the same the first time and now we have amazing sex. Talk to him and see what he says to you. Good luck!

No. 241503

>>241492
Had a similar situation, its better to just end it. What's one bad week of moving out compared to forever of wanting to escape. Tell someone you want to leave him and have them on standby for when you pack your things up. In my case I moved back home, idk what your situation is

No. 241504

I really need some good girl advice, I don't know if it'll be crazy or not? So I really hit it off with a guy at a show on friday, we hung out together like the whole night, and I went back to his and we slept together. at the end of the night (when we were both pretty drunk) he asked me for my number, and i typed my phone number into his phone. I realized i put it in the name section, not the phone number part. I haven't heard from him at all, and I'm starting to think maybe because I did that, it didn't save the contact because there was no phone number? i remember his full name and found his facebook, and want to message him, but there's also a chance that maybe he just didn't want to text me and did have my number. Idk I just feel really torn and don't want to seem crazy, but it seemed like he really liked me. but also I'm worried maybe he just asked to seem nice, and didn't give a fuck since i already slept with him. idk ladies what do you think??

No. 241505

>>241089
the best way for you to get to the conclusion of this is to just imagine the roles reversed, if you showed no attraction to him and didn't want to have sex with him he would either dump you or cheat on you.
Don't compromise on things like this because he would never compromise for you and same goes for single dads, deadbeats and off-meds losers.
>>241493
lol this is such bs, maybe not wanting sex is but if he cant even get hard then he is just not interested in her, stop complicating things and making women be in loveless relationships.

No. 241509

>>241504
Send him something friendly on fb messenger and see if he responds. Then take it from there

No. 241510

>>241504
op here, nvm I just tested if it would save the contact without a phone number and it does. i'm just an idiot who got played lol

No. 241511

>>241492
the only advice i have is if you want to end things id suggest doing it in public so he cant hurt you or break things.
>>241510
he used you for a one night stand.

No. 241544

>>241492
Secure a new place to live, then break up and like anon said, do it in public. Then let him leave first if you don't want him to know your new place.

No. 241646

help anons, please.
I've been sick with covid for the past week. I've also been on the mend these last few days, no fever, hardly any coughing, but instead I've been feeling nauseous pretty much all day every day. I'm drinking plenty of liquids, taking my vitamins, even eating well regardless, but nothing helps and my emetophobic ass is starting to go nuts. I'll call my GP up if this persists, but my question for you is: have any of you had constant nausea as a symptom towards the end of being sick with covid/after covid? how long did it last for you if so? I know this shit can't really be predicted, but I'd like to have some idea of how long this is likely to last. also, are there any home remedies I can try to make it go away?

sorry if this isn't the right thread, by the way, with ot not working, I've no idea where coof-related questions are supposed to go.

No. 242307

My mother wants to go on a Scandinavian trip with me and she got the idea from me (I've been planning to do a solo trip for a while) and don't know how to tell her the fact that I still want to go alone. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings? She's becoming very excited about the whole thing, planning everything and asking me to look up things to see

No. 242346

>>242307
When you came up with the idea and told her for the first time you framed it as a solo trip right? Gently remind her it was supposed to be a solo thing from the start, traveling alone is a unique experience and very different from traveling in pair or a group. Make it a self-discovery journey, come up with personal reasons she can't argue with - I just want to see if I'm able to do it alone, etc. Don't make specific excuses trying to discourage her like different sleeping times, eating certain foods she won't like or visiting to places she might not like. Her answer to all of this will be Oh don't worry I'll manage I won't complain or anything. You'll just paint yourself into a corner with this reasoning.

No. 242378

how do i take cute nudes how tf do i take a cute picture of my PUSSY

No. 242410

>>242307
Aw my heart breaks for your mum. Is going with her completely off the table? Could you go together and then arrange a couple of days where you each do you things by yourselves instead?

No. 242458

>>242378
love yourself and don't take nudes

No. 242492

>>242378
Never, ever, take nudes. It's irresponsible and dumb.

No. 242751

File: 1645451493919.jpg (88.18 KB, 700x700, kittyonlaptop.jpg)

>>242378
>how do i take cute nudes
Don't.
>how tf do i take a cute picture of my PUSSY
Easy, cats are naturally photogenic.

No. 242793

File: 1645452379484.jpg (74.53 KB, 700x568, two-guys-on-a-bus-meme-6.jpg)

how do i stop being delusional about romance and life. my brain is so rotted by josei romance mangas/webtoons i'm so convinced i'm never going to find love again with my unattainable expectations and standards. im very awkward about socializing and shy around people. even on the internet thus missing out on some great friendships

No. 242808

>>242378
>grab phone
>delete all social media
>delete your accounts
>disconnect PC
>throw phone in a rice container
>go outside
>find grass
>lay on it
>look at the sky
>stay there for 5 hours
>???
>profit

No. 243760

Nomas, how do I let this shit go? I'll

No. 243829

>>243760
Drink water, eat papaya and relax in the bathroom leaving your phone in another room until you can let go of that shit.

No. 243839

Sorry I'm stupid. How do I let this shit go though? Sorry if long, it's a lot to unpack. I dated this guy who came out as MTF early in our relationship, and I naively accepted him without question, because I liked the attention he gave me. We were together for 3 years. His parents provided me a place that was safe, they treated me well and I was grateful for that. The guy was emotionally unavailable for any of my issues, only his mattered and I couldn't speak anything negative of him without it turning into a pity party. I withheld a lot to preserve his ego, and it took a toll. I don't normally like to compare issues, however I was dealing with very big things at home like a parent having cancer and violence, while his issues were really minor in comparison and he had spoon feeding family to support him whereas I did not, yet my problems and well-being were never something we was concerned about. It was about him, any of my issues were suddenly his fault somehow, and I would end up comforting him a lot of the time. He was a sexual degenerate and I slowly realized that this was a fetish, he liked transformation porn a lot and I caught him looking at it while I was next to him, sometimes even when we were with friends or family. Long story short, his family cut me out after they saw him dressed up, deciding that I was the problem and did this to their son. I only ever supported him, and I got punished for it. When they ended up accepting him it was an even worse punch to the gut, as he would tell me how great everything was going and how happy he was while I wasn't even allowed to see him, ignored and dealing with a lot of these issues on my own. After a year of this and realizing my self worth, I broke up with him and got together with my best friend who I confided in about my issues and was supporting me for years. We progressed fast for sure but I broke things off before pursuing the new relationship. Mr. MTF started stalking me and our friends when we broke up, which I found out from himself when he openly admitted it and listed places I had been. He was cutting and starving himself, which he made sure to let me know was my fault. He generally was just a shit bag trying to ruin my reputation among friends, scare off my boyfriend and tried to befriend my boss to talk about our personal issues. It was disgusting, I felt disgusting and unsafe, and it left a very big impact on me years later. My friends called him on his behavior so he cut them all out. Now I'm left with all this resentment, and… Jealousy? Years later because I know he is doing well, meanwhile I'm here trying to deal with these issues and scars he left while dealing with all the other trauma. I feel like a failure, my progress feels meaningless and I feel like such shit for even thinking about him, yet he and his family live in my head rent free tormenting me and I hate him for it. I know that how I'm thinking is draining and unhealthy, but I don't know where to start dealing with it, especially since a lot was happening at the same time this relationship transpired. If there's any advice for somewhere I can at least start, I would be so grateful. If this is all retarded please feel free to delete.

No. 243857

>>243839
I don't have exact advice and this may not be of much help, but you just need time (and possibly therapy or a counselor if you're comfortable with that). As annoying as it sounds, time really is the key to heal wounds and let go of things. Forgetting him will become easier, letting go of the harm he did will become easier, loving yourself and applauding your own success will become easier.

I haven't been in this exact situation, but I've definitely been burned by people and had to watch them be more successful, happier, and better off than I was. It made me bitter, I thought about them constantly. Eventually, through some of my own self care and befriending new people, those thoughts have gone away. Maybe you can start there? Treat yourself more, tell yourself nice things, hype yourself up, make new friends that aren't involved in your past. Slowly regain your sense of self until you forget he even exists most days.

No. 245246

>>243839
>you, a normal stable woman who has friends who supported her and knew she was right in a shitty situation with a mentally ill xy abomination
>him, jealous of you because you're a woman who has friends, a job, etc. While he's addicted to porn and cooming which is the only thing that gives his pathetic self any joy
>his parents, know deep down their son is a failure in but rather blame any woman in his life rather than talking to him or questioning if it's their fault he became so unhinged. Again probably jealous of you and how stable you are and have to blame you for "ruining" their perfect boy to bring you down to his level
I apologize for the autistic formatting I used but what I want to say is by comparison, you're clearly the one in the best situation, even if it doesn't look like it from outside because they hide it better nowadays. He may have ""recovered"" from his porn addiction aka learned to hide it better but he'll always be mentally ill and will never have a happy life behind close doors. His parents will always know their son is a failure and will have to constantly search for people to blame for his incompetence and mental illnesses.

No. 245259

>>243839
A total piece of shit who doesn't care about your family having cancer, your privacy, your wellbeing, who doesn't bother to correct his parents to stand up for you and throws a tantrum with self harm and subtly befriending your boss to ruin your life doesn't deserve any of your attention. When you think about this person you shouldn't feel anything but pity. What a worm. You really shouldn't be saying 'this person is doing well' because it would require a rebuild from the ground up for anyone to see any future in this person. You came out of this situation hurt by someone who is preying on innocent people. Your recovery will start by you accepting that none of this was of your doing. This person was just going to hurt anyone that got in the way and sadly you were a target. It's not your fault, and as long as you keep telling yourself that, you can start to heal these scars. None of your feelings are retarded, this was legitimate emotional abuse (which then became physical stalking). Time, new activities and better relationships with people will help you to stop mulling over this part of your life.

No. 245272

I loved drawing long ago and would never use references because I was mostly doodling and didn't have my own computer yet and smartphones were too rare and expensive. I kinda want to go back to drawing but I'm not good at drawing guys, what do? Should I try to draw digitally as opposed to just using a pen and paper? Would it help having refs and drawing on one screen or not?

No. 245274

>>245272
just do it. do both if you like. having refs on screen is the best type of help you'll get when you're drawing. drawing digitally is more accessible than ever these days go for it!

No. 245275

>>245274
Would you recommend paint tool sai? I remember like 10 years ago being too poor to afford anything and not daring pirating it on the family computer but I know it's a cheap option and people usually say it's a good software.

No. 245280

>>245275
NTA but in my opinion Clip Studio Paint is a better choice; a lot of people even think it can compete with Photoshop, at least when it comes to painting. Even without discount it's cheaper than SAI, and it goes on sale prety regularly, got it for $20

No. 245292

>>245275
depends on you. I started out with paint tool sai and messed around with a lot of brush settings and downloaded a bunch of brushes. In the end I bought CSP. I second the anon who said this >>245280 unlike photoshop you'll have CSP forever and you'll forever be updated with new shit they make. but if you're a bit stingy about money go pirate SAI. it doesn't matter what medium you use so long as you are able to make art. best of luck anon. just keep drawing

No. 245402

I keep wanting to look up my school mates on LinkedIn to see what they’re currently doing now but I know it will just hurt me. I want to not care and focus on myself but it’s so hard to ignore that temptation.,

No. 245727

Does ignoring a moid work? We used to talk daily and he was adamant I respond quicly etc but its been 2 days that I havent texted. Im just wondering becuase I want to make him unhappy and jealous. Will he eventuelly text me? I deleted his number so I wont be doing it first.

No. 245919

PLEASE DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW I CAN GET BIGGER BOOBS NATURALLY. I AM 21 AND I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS

No. 245921

>>245919
Pregnancy. Weight gain if you're lucky. That's it.

No. 245934

File: 1645748867517.jpeg (1.22 MB, 1822x2874, 53CFFDF5-8945-43F0-8064-CB9257…)

>>245919
It would be nice of you to test out this thing i found on worst imageboard
Its hard to read tho

No. 245935

>>245919
>>245934
Can confirm fenugreek made my tits bigger but also heavily fucked with my cycle. I took way too much at once though, it will probably be much better if you go slow and steady like the screenshot says (please somebody take freeze dried udders for 6 months and post about what happens, I'm so curious).
Also mine got bigger when I turned 25. Nobody tells you about second puberty!

No. 245942

>>245919
Massage in this video plus slight weight gain made my breasts bigger, round and perky.

No. 245950

>>245935
How much bigger?

No. 245959

I just need to fucking lose 10 kilos but I don't want to do the exercise part. FASTEST WAY TO LOSE 10KG ANYONE? SHOULD I JUST NOT EAT FOR A WEEK?

No. 245960


No. 245962

>>245959
When you say no exorcise, absolutely none? I go for walks around the neighbourhood that aren't too taxing. If you live in a safe area it's an option for low-strain cardio exercise.

No. 245964

>>245962
I already do about 30 minute walks a day but yes, otherwise no exercise.

No. 245977

>>245935
>>245934
Please be careful with fenugreek nonnies. Fenugreek does not stimulate breast tissue growth, it stimulates milk production by increasing estrogen. This can make your breasts swollen, which yes means bigger. But as I said it is not breast tissue, so if you stop taking it or reduce your dosage then your breasts will shrink back. But really do be careful if you try this because besides messing with your cycle, excess estrogen can cause serious neurological problems in some women. If you suspect that may be happening to you then STOP IMMEDIATELY. If your body can't handle it, you can give yourself actual brain damage if you continue using it.

No. 245979


No. 245996

>>245977
god I read about this shit as a teen, I'm so glad I didn't end up trying it.

No. 246285

File: 1645888142805.png (188.55 KB, 554x368, hug.PNG)

Has any of you had any luck with practicing self compassion? Every time I do the conscious effort it just makes me cry and give up because I can't help thinking I don't deserve it. Is it this kind of thing where I'm supposed to fake it till it becomes a habit enough it actually starts working?
Would love to get some tips if you have any!

No. 246296

>>246285
You’ve gotta actively push through the blockage nona! When you feel like “this is silly/wrong” or that you don’t deserve it, that’s just your inner bully weakening you. You have to argue with it and embrace that sense of defiant strength. It’s not faking it, it’s forcing yourself to realise and accept this is the correct way to treat yourself.

No. 246309

>>246285
Yes, it took me years to develop it. You just gotta keep trying. What helped me to get started was trying to be conscious of how often I talked badly to myself. This helped me to see it from an external standpoint, where I could acknowledge how it made me feel when I did it (bad) and what it accomplished (turns out, nothing). Then I tried to move away from those thoughts, not necessarily by lying to myself, but by not allowing myself to fall into the rut of ruminating on bad things. If I was around people I might just force myself to think of something unrelated, or if I was alone I might put on loud music or ramble to myself very loudly about something else. Once I got out of the habit of automatically going to “you’re terrible, you screwed up” etc it became a lot easier to be compassionate to myself.

No. 246332

Thank you anons, you give me hope to go on. Now that I think of it in context what >>246296 said (btw thanks for pushing through internet issues♥) even naming the problem "faking it" is in a way how inner bully would call it, and just thinking about it as about forcing myself despite the mental block is encouraging. Somehow turning to distractions made me feel guilty, as in, am I not supposed to face it not turn away? But what you say >>246309 makes a lot of sense, I'm happy it worked for you and hope will work for me too in time!

No. 246457

How do I not idealize a moid? I met a guy who is genuinely kind although very naive. He's super respectful and is constantly trying to take care of me. After all the shitty men who show their true colors easily, he stands out in a big way. I can't help but feel like I need to date this guy because I'm never gonna meet a guy like him again. Ik that I'm heavily biased because I have terrible experiences with smegmoids. Should I try to get the ick over something he does and that'll fix this? I don't find him attractive tbh.

No. 246927

>>246457
Idk nonna, I chose the "dating" path when I was in a similar place as you and being with someone you're not even attracted to sucks. The relationship can end up feeling like charity work and that's simply not how it's supposed to be.
Also, there are moids who are surprisingly good at hiding their intentions until they get what they want. I don't know for how long you know this guy, but I wouldn't overlook any possible red flags.
I know we can get kinda desperate after horrible experiences with moids, but if there's something I learned is that we should maintain our standards and not go for the first seemingly nice person who appears in our way. Keep looking around, I'm sure you'll find more people who'll treat you nicely and that will be better fits for you. Good luck!

No. 246931

>>246457
This is not a matter of idealization but willingness to deceive someone due to your desperation. When you enter a relationship it is assumed you are attracted to the other person. You need to, in your own way, learn how being single is better than other subpar options and risks. Even if he is a good man and does not have character defects you are unaware of, relationships without mutual sexual attraction will have issues and degrade over time.

No. 246946

>>245977
I am taking 1 tablet (250mg) of fenugreek a day but I also take the pill every day and I have an IUD, should I just cancel fenugreek?

No. 247242

How can I stop feeling like my mother is taking away my choices fom me? It happens often that I have an idea that I'm uncertain about or I feel like I need time to decide what to do about it and when I tell her, she essentially bullies me into doing it. For example, I toyed with the idea of doing a language exam in French to just see if I could do it, and when I told her she kept asking about it every single day and stressing me about it (When am I taking it, why didn't I book an appointment for it, what's stopping me, etc). I was also thinking about accomodating some Ukranian refugees, which is a big decision, and she brings it up every day and asks why didn't I do it yet, I should do it, etc.
I just feel like she takes away my decisions and makes them her own. In a similar vein, she gets very excited about the topic of dating and has been wanting for me to have a boyfriend forever and I also want one but again, if I gave in and started dating it'd be like I'm giving in and doing her a favor and she wouldn't shut up about it. For this reason, I've been avoiding dating for a while now, because in a way it'd feel like again, I'm doing the thing she decided for me pretty much.
Both are pretty stupid standpoints, I know, but it feels like either I do what she wants or rebel by not doing it, either way she's always in the equation and ultimately I feel like I'm not living my own life, but hers.

Does this sound imsane? How can I stop feeling this way?

No. 247244

I bought this new coat that looked fine on me and cut the tags off since I thought I wouldn't be returning it, but after wearing it for a while, I realized one armhole is tighter than the other and it makes my shoulder sore. Now I can't return it, and I'm mad at myself for cutting the tags off. I want to get rid of this coat, but I don't want to donate it and subject someone else to shoulder pain. I honestly have no idea what to do with this coat anymore and it pisses me off. Especially since it's really cute and everything about it is fine except for the shoulder part. Should I just donate it to my local Goodwill or is there something else I can do with it?

No. 247246

>>247242
It sounds like she's trying to get you to follow through on your goals or wishes. The fact that this is a regular annoyance of yours suggests you might have a habit of saying you want to do something and then not doing it. It's totally fine to change your mind or take your time starting on something. I assume most people can come up hundreds of things they think they'd like to try right now, but end up committing to way less. But she's your mother and if she's a halfway decent one then she probably wants to see you succeed at the things you want to do. If you can't communicate to her that you're not that serious about these things then just don't tell her that you're thinking about doing things unless you're ready to actually try it. It sounds like she would be a great person to hold you accountable under those circumstances, but right now it's an annoyance to you because you're not really that serious about those things yet.

No. 247253

>>247244
You can try and see what seams are too tight? Maybe just snipping some threads loose will help and you can just do a simple stitch incase all the stretching makes a hole.

No. 247265

This girl at college wants to be my friend i can tell because she wanted to ask me if we could walk around campus after class and my retarded ass didn’t reciprocate because i had awful friends in the past therefore doubts and anxieties around this aspect of my life. She was so excited and i wanted her to ask me one more time but my chance slipped away and i could see her interest go away each day is it too late to make a move now?

No. 247269

>>247242
Have you tried talking to her about her behaviour? Maybe she doesn't realize it and is willing to change. I'd try that first if you haven't yet.

No. 247273

>>247265
It's not, you gotta go for it anon! She couldn't possibly go from very interested to completely disinterested so fast, she just probably thinks you don't want to have anything to do with her; just show her that's not the case

No. 247465

File: 1646439588688.jpg (139.71 KB, 779x752, tumblr_c8efca440b42663d4396e98…)

I've had a big, stupid crush on this guy I've known ever since I was a little kid. He's the only male I've felt genuine sustained sexual desire towards in my whole life, and I love everything about him. I could fill a book with all the things he makes me feel, and any time I hear a pretty song or am in a nice location I wish he was there to experience it with me.
We were really close for some time, but we've since drifted in and out of contact. When we're close, he's super affectionate, and always talks about taking me to concerts and museums and nice parts of our city. I genuinely feel really close/psychically linked to him, and he occupies so much of my mental bandwidth it overwhelms me.
The hard part is, for the entire time we've known each other, he's dated another girl. Her and I aren't friends, we're not in each other's lives at all. What bothers me is that the only times we get close are when he and his girlfriend are not on good terms (they'll 'break things off' and see other people until they decide to date again).
This really bothers me because it makes me feel like I only occupy a 'placeholder' in his life. However I am a hopeless fucking romantic and I truly believe we have the potential for a really beautiful relationship, but I'm scared it's more effort than it's worth and I'm only gonna end up hurting myself or hurting his gf.
Anons, should I:
- Confess to him despite his relationship so I know I've been honest with my feelings
- Stop trying to be around him and attempt to move on by myself
- Not do anything and just see what happens independent of my feelings

No. 247467

>>247465
>Stop trying to be around him and attempt to move on by myself
This. You've already noticed he's just using you for emotional support when he's on a break with his actual girlfriend. That's such scummy behavior. If this is the case
>I love everything about him
I hope you really pause to ask yourself why you feel that way about him and if he's worth thinking so highly of. A guy who's in a constant on-and-off relationship is not flawless, and one who uses his female friend to fill the emotional void when he's fucking around without his partner is not admirable in the least. You're fixating on his appearance and whatever good qualities he may have, perhaps the fact that he gives you attention (sometimes), but that's hardly the whole picture. To be blunt, you need to develop some self respect. You deserve someone who pursues you, is interested in you and truly values you, not a guy who has never made a move and otherwise spent his time occupied with another woman.

Have you tried dating other people? I can guarantee once you meet a man who is also handsome but actually respectful towards you and values your time, you'll wonder how and why you ever placed this asshole on a pedestal. It's not easy to find people you truly vibe with, but that's why you have to keep putting yourself out there. And I promise it's not worth settling for anything less. Cut this toxic idiot out of your life so you can wean yourself off the fixation, then learn how to be happy on your own. I suspect you're using all the time daydreaming and idealizing this guy to avoid thinking about real problems in your life that need to be addressed. He's not coming to save you and make everything in the world right. No man can do that. You have to help yourself.

No. 247498

File: 1646464948747.jpg (114.43 KB, 600x800, asdfghjkl.jpg)

i'm having a dilemma with autism. i learned it improves autistics lives to unmask - let ourselves fidget, hum, stim, avoid eye contact, and take breaks from overstimulating situations. i started a course recently and let myself fidget a little bit in class, and when i talked to a new person, i did not force myself to copy their voice or look into their eyes consistently. i don't know if they find that bad and something to reject you by. but the week after talking to them they did not attend the course. i was hoping to make friends here but i am afraid that it won't happen unless i force myself to copy neurotypical behaviour. ableism still makes people assume that me stimming means i am not self-aware of being annoying, or that i lack intelligence and social skills. i am aware it might annoy people that i stretch my arms or bounce my legs, or bite my lips or whatever, but i also think that if such small things bother someone than they're a bigger snowflake than any autistic could be. does anyone else have experience with letting yourself be yourself as an autistic person?

No. 247572

>>247498
There's an autism thread in /ot/, try asking there.

No. 247998

>>247498
I think there's a certain level we should each "unmask" as you need to allow yourself to stim, not hold back all the time, and get more comfortable with your tisms, it overall reduces anxiety. I've just let myself be awkward when I'm awkward and so on, but I'll retain a certain level of masking so I can pass through the world a bit easier. When you're more close and comfortable with someone is the best time to really let the mask off, and be who you are. I find watching other autists who just go around unchecked can be annoying as fuck (mostly moids) but even non-autistic people turn themselves "on" to be a certain person in front of family, co workers, friends, etc. I say make it a gradual process, and you don't have to completely unmask to feel comfortable

No. 248105

File: 1646676877683.jpeg (Spoiler Image,1.63 MB, 2999x3999, 73F8D27D-546E-43D6-BD6A-E658B9…)

I'm not joking but other than my long ass fingers and borderline troon hands, is there anything wrong with my fingers? Are they clubbing? I've been eyeing at them for a while. They have this weird curve thing that's like a bump.

No. 248106

>>248105
No they are normal, I think you've been looking at them for too long. I don't see any bump. Don't worry be happy

No. 248107

>>248105
Looks completely normal to me. Not even manly, as you said

No. 248109

>>248105
There's nothing wrong with your fingers, not even the length. Having long limbs doesn't make someone look like a troon, you should stop browsing the MTF thread lol. Long fingers are really classy and beautiful. Anyway, I think the hump is just how some nails grow. If they've always been like that then it's not anything to worry about.

No. 248112

>>248105
I have long fingers and always get complimented on them so it's not a bad feature but your hands are even prettier anon. I also love the natural nail color you have and how straight your fingers are, you should paint your nails and wear rings because it'd suit you.

No. 248137

>>248105
your fingers don't look particularly long. your index finger appears shorter than your ring finger which relates to testosterone exposure in utero, which I myself have. If you spend time scrutinizing other people's bodies (looking at the comment about troons) take a break from looking at cow threads or MTF pics since it seems unhealthy.

No. 248383

File: 1646786671128.jpeg (Spoiler Image,329.36 KB, 910x1472, FF558F2C-74F7-45E3-BC16-F12042…)

>>248105
your hands do not look mannish at all, I also have fairly long fingers. my hands aren't actually that big, especially when you put them next to actual male hands. I'm more concerned about years of retail job making them look dry and craggy than the length or boniness

No. 248407

File: 1646794394819.jpeg (103.93 KB, 1366x768, 592410C3-A78E-4E1D-9B57-A6C754…)

Started talking to a guy online, we got talking after I saw him post saying he’s moving to my country next year. As we talked more and more we realised we had a lot in common, slowly it grew to us talking every day over the past month. It’s the first time I got to know a guy it didn’t feel fast and chaotic, he was very open about things he disagreed with me on which I liked. Anyway, I’ve been cheated on in my last relationship and it’s left me always assuming everyone is playing games. This guy would share his screen with me all the time which neither me or him would make a big deal out of, he seemed very open but my brain would be wondering “is he a next level manipulator to do this?” even though I never acted like I cared he did it. He was showing me something on his screen and had these dms open, one from a girl. I asked who it was and he said a girl he plays game online with but they hadn’t played in a while. I was totally fine with that, also I’m not actually dating this man either so didn’t really care. But then later that day I notice he’s newly followed her on social media. I messaged saying I saw that, he’s clearly playing games with me and although I wish him all the best I’m not speaking to him further. He responded with screenshots of dms from his convos from her showing he hadn’t spoken with her since January, had instantly unfollowed her and said the only reason he followed her was because she had just joined social media and followed her back when he saw the notification. I just told him I can never trust him again, blocked and moved on. He’s written me a few messages begging me to reconsider, saying I have got this completely wrong and he’s happy to block anyone I want him to without question if it would make me happy. Am I reacting way too crazy here? Or am I justified? I have been cheated on my last relationship and I don’t know if that’s made me extra paranoid or extra smart. I don’t think I’d ever go back to this guy because the damage is done but do you think I have an issue that might effect further relationships?

No. 248411

>>248407
I’m probably as crazy as you nonny so take my input with a grain of salt kek. It’s easy to assume it was just a misunderstanding based on the screen sharing and him trying to clear things up after the social media incident. Isn’t it weird though he ends up following her the exact same day you asked about the messages? She happened to pop out of the woodworks that very day after months of no contact? Idk something stinks. Maybe he’s not romantically interested in her but I do have a hard time believing in such a magical serendipitous coincidence instead of the reason being him thinking “oh yeah I miss [friend] I should go look for her social media account” (assuming the “best” scenario and he’s not romantically interested in her). Even if he lied because he didn’t want it to come across the wrong way, wouldn’t matter to me. Liars are untrustworthy and disrespectful regardless of their reasons. In any case, like you said you’d known this guy for a month, aren’t dating and don’t even live in the same country. No great loss. Maybe stay quiet in the future until you have all the facts for sure instead of jumping to conclusions in case there really is a mix up, but personally I don’t think you’re wrong for cutting contact at the first sign of him being shady and I’m glad you’re being cautious and upholding your boundaries. Personally I’m with you and would only be with someone who’s practically transparent to a fault, don’t have the time or energy for anyone who requires me to puzzle out their intentions these days.

No. 248412

>>248411
He was the first account she followed but he was not her first follower. I don’t know if he followed her today but it was recent. His last message with her was at the end of January so not that long ago. It honestly could be a crazy coincidence but it could also be real. The guy was really great before this, this is the only issue at all he’s had which is rare

No. 248418

>>248105
Were they always like this? Apparently clubbing is more common in black people. Your pics kind of just look like they have a nice strong apex. However if the curve has been slowly been increasing over time, I would def get it checked out. Also they don't look mannish at all anon!

No. 248420

>>248411
Just checked her profile and he’s commenting on her shit less than 20 mins ago. Gut instinct was probably correct. Oh well

No. 248423

>>248420
I was in the midst of trying to come up with ways to verify his story but there it is. I guess in a twisted way we’re lucky men are stupid and tell on themselves so we don’t waste too much time. Sorry anon, but at least bullet dodged.

No. 248424

>>248423
It sucks but I’m actually so happy to learn my gut was completely correct and I can clearly rely on it! I actually feel much better

No. 248432

File: 1646799472895.png (164.48 KB, 299x306, 84957397543667.png)

>>248424
I'm glad nona, totally get it. I've had so many similar experiences where I'd wonder if I was overreacting about something that seemed minor at first, then it turned out I was completely on point or there was something even worse beneath the surface. It's nice knowing your bullshit radar is finely honed. Stay safe out there!

No. 248443

File: 1646801791492.jpeg (258.59 KB, 945x989, D32BF739-9B80-4454-A802-24CBE5…)

How do I make the most out of college? I don’t know anyone and I’m just doing coursework all the time… what should I do that would benefit me in the future?
I might crosspost this in the stupid questions thread, too.

No. 248450

>>248443
Join lots of clubs, join any Discords or related chat groups for classes you're in, get people's contact info during classes if you have to do work together and try to find common points of interest/invite them to do stuff, look into scholarships/grants/honors courses, go to college-related exhibitions/fairs/performances, talk to your profs about areas of interest so they can recommend further opportunities and reading.

No. 248460

>>248443
Not sure how far along you are in college, but if you're going into the second half I'd say you should start thinking about what kind of area you want to be employed in and figure out how you can tailor your college experience to make yourself marketable in that area. I know a few of my friends burnt out after college and struggled with finding a job afterward because they realized in their last year that they actually didn't want to work in a field related to what they studied but they weren't able to find a job in any other area because they didn't have any other experience. It's okay to not end up working in anything related to what you've been studying, but it'll be hard to find a job in an area you have no experience in. Or even if you do want to work in the field you're studying- a lot of graduate programs and jobs look for more than just good grades so it would be good to get as much relevant, practical experience as you can.

For example, I majored in literature and psychology in college but I knew that I wasn't going to be able to find a job I wanted just with those degrees so I spent the last year of college doing research in labs and volunteering. I have a friend who majored in film, but was concerned about living expenses after graduation so she also learned to code during college and now works as a programmer so she can save up for grad school. Hope this is helpful (the other anon's advice was good too).

No. 248476

I think my sister SA me when we where kid (confusing situation since we where playing characters) it starting to bother me since we live together for college. I'm starting to get mean feeling toward her, I know I should talk about it to someone. The problem is that my parents are going trought divorce and my mom is not super mentally stable rn (she is seeing a therapist about it) and my dad can t keep is mouth shut so I know he will tell everybody. Who should I talk to about this?

No. 248479

>>248476
Don't tell your parents, they could tell other people and it'd get really messy which would only make you feel worse. You can go to a therapist if you can afford it, my college also had a free therapy service so you can search and see if your has one too. With your therapist, you can plan how to go through and relieve the your trauma, since they're trained to mental health professionals they'd know the best.

No. 248484

>>248479
Thank you ânon, I see a therapist some time but I have so much shit to see with them that it feel like adding one more stuff is going to make everything a bigger mess. I toyed with the idea of talking about it to one of my close friends but they often see my sister so I don't know what to think. I wish my sister never existed since she is so entangled in my life without me wanting

No. 248537

>>205674
How do I know if my brother's going to troon out?

No. 248563

File: 1646846887708.jpeg (115.85 KB, 564x568, 2A71AB21-595A-4CBD-BF3E-FB30F9…)

I’m in a situation where I can get orthodontic surgery to straighten my teeth and make my jaw no longer recessed for free, and I’m genuinely considering it. The thing is, I’m personally against cosmetic surgery; I’ve thought/said that I believe that people should consider therapy before even doing non-invasive surgery. And that getting cosmetic surgery as a woman in order to fulfill certain beauty ideal is misogynistic. But now, I’m beginning to question whether or not I’m a hypocrite, if I should reconsider my views on cosmetic surgery or wondering if the jaw surgery I want couldn’t be considered ‘cosmetic’ at all. There’s probably no medical reason for me to want to fix my teeth and chin beyond aesthetics, but I don’t think this case is particularly ‘misogynistic’ since recessed chins are universally ugly amongst both men and women

No. 248565

>>248563
Personally I'd jump on the chance to have it done for free. Even if you don't, you won't be the revolution that'll stop misogynistic standards and expectations for women. Most of us play the game to make our lives easier on the surface, that's why lots of women wear make-up, dress pretty etc.

No. 248566

>>248563
Don't do it nonna. If there's nothing wrong with your teeth (medically I mean) don't 'fix' them. Crooked teeth are cute imo too, gives you character! If it's not for health reasons, leave 'em!

No. 248570

>>248563
Hmm, go with your gut anon, whatever it says. Don't factor your perception of other women's lives in, especially if it's not going to help them in any way whatsoever. It is a fact that changing your face won't.

For what it's worth, I'm very grateful I never fixed my own fucked up wonky jaw (and my teeth are extremely ugly-crooked at the front) - I never had an epiphany, I just slowly realised over time that this is what I look like and I'm totally okay with it.

People comment fairly often, but I've gone so far as to even leave my mustache grow out and embrace it all and acknowledge to myself that WOMEN NATURALLY LOOK LIKE THIS! People treat me far better than when I used to present as "attractive". The world truly is a strange place

No. 248571

>>248570
Samefag to say women are nice about it and men uphold the patriarchy, who'd have thought?!

No. 248573

This is probably a really stupid question, but how do you make yourself enjoy things related to your interests?

I've struggled with mental health problems since childhood, and when I turned 18 it hit me harder than ever. Ever since then, I've had no real hobbies or interests. There's things I'm interested in, but I don't actually look into them, or spend time on them.

I'd like to have a real interest in things like fashion, or books, or movies, or games, or music, or art history, or literally anything, honestly. They're all things that interest me, but I don't know how to sit down with myself and give myself the passion to pursue turning a potential interest into an actual interest. I don't know how to enjoy something just for the sake of enjoying it.

When I sit down and try to connect to the things I'm interested in, I'm overwhelmed with boredom. These things still interest me, and I want to enjoy them so badly, but I'm constantly thinking about the fact I could be doing something else instead. (Something else usually being lying in bed sleeping or thinking about nothing.)

I've had a strong drive to fix myself and enjoy something for ages now, but I don't know how to enjoy something.

No. 248579

>>248573
It sounds like you're bored because you're not actively involved in the things that interest you. Set aside time to partake in your hobby in a meaningful way. Use this time intentionally, not mindlessly browsing related content. For example if you want to get into art history, go visit an art museum. If you want to get into reading, go to a library, or join a book club. You should ditch distractions like your phone during this time as this will break your engagement with it. You can keep it on your person for emergencies but don't look up anything or respond to non-urgent messages. Consuming online media about something that interests you, especially on social media, doesn't generate a connection between you and the thing. You need to take an active and habitual part in something to know if you really like it or not.

No. 248587

>>248563
If you can get the procedure for free, isn't that an indication that there is some medical issue associated with it? I had a similar situation but with a boob job, my breasts were very sagging and after a visit at the doctor, they told me that because they were big enough and saggy enough I could get a reduction and lift covered by my insurance because It could affect my health in the future.
I'm sure they wouldn't offer you the procedure for free unless there was some other reason apart from aesthetics. However, as the other anons said, trust your gut. It is your body after all

No. 248916

File: 1647000857513.jpg (74.17 KB, 564x923, df346997ae4804d49c8659f4b71dd8…)

What to do when aspirations, desires and dreams are completely gone?
I've dealt with depression for the majority of my life but up until certain point I still had things I wanted for myself for the future, get better at something I do, see some places in the world, attend concerts, get a dream job, usual things like that, no matter how unnatainable they seemed because of mental struggles. But latest years, I realized I watched all of it fade to complete nothingness, despite actually getting a good therapist and mood stabilizing medication (in the recent months, so I can't blame it). Is there any way at least some of it will come back? Part of me is afraid since I'm getting older, (31 this year), the way my mind has just given up is a part of that and there's no way to stop.

No. 248933

>>248573
I could have written this. Love you nonna

>>248916
I'm curious what your therapist has to say about this issue. Have you spoken to them about it?
Happy Early 31st ♥

No. 248938

>>248933
Honestly not yet, now I feel silly about it. Kinda assumed things will get better by themselves with therapy and feel now like it's my sole responsibility that they didn't, and I have to address it separately by myself? I'll talk to her about it next time (and thanks!♥)

No. 248942

>>248938
>assumed things will get better by themselves with therapy
>feel now it's my sole responsibility
>I have to address it by myself
This sounds like growth! And I think you're right.I know this feeling as well because I've been going through it a lot myself lately. I'm proud of you anon! Let's fucking goooooo

No. 248961

>>248916
I also feel similarly. I’m 31 this year, too. I’m currently unemployed and my job prospects are not great. I used to want to travel, but with the world the way it is and no money, it feels like I’ll never have the chance again.

No. 249111

File: 1647085614633.png (43.97 KB, 114x177, 1646818173310.png)

Hi nonnys, I'm one of the girls from the vent thread who had to distance from my male friend and colleague because he was basically an incel, controlling and endlessly salty and jealous. I stopped responding to his weekly passive aggressions and huffs and I'm wondering if he's realised that none of his mind games will work on me. Are these some good signs my rising above and ignoring him but remaining polite are working?

> tried to silent treatment me but I never message him outside of work anyway so he's refreshingly silent and leaves me alone and isn't hounding my inbox with annoying filth or unsolicited advice


> Has tried to smear campaign me (for rejecting him and having boundaries) saying to people feel sorry for him and he's heart BROKEN but I think people know he's done this with hundreds of girls and find his whining pathetic


> uses his sister as a mole to stall my fb and stories but no longer harasses me


He is a huge brat and narcisstic dudebro, so I'm hoping these are signs that he's slowly backing off? For context, I was: >>1083291 and >>1081648

No. 249112

>>249111

>>>1083291 and >>>1081648 sorry!

No. 249362

my sister is visiting me at the moment (different states) and we were waiting to get a cab home but it was a busy time of the night and they kept cancelling on us. I had a very busy weekend with work, I have two jobs but took one of them off so I could spend more time with her while she's here but even just the one job had me incredibly exhausted for the weekend. So I guess i was delusional and tired but I was joking around about staying out and going to the club we were out the front of while we waited for a ride, and she started to get angry which I wasn't sure was serious at first because I'm a sperg.
I was tired, and we even spoke about the things we'd watch together when we got home so I feel like she should've known I was going to go back anyway and not stay out to begin with, but she took everything I said so literally, and when I asked what was wrong she couldn't answer me and started crying. I directly said "what have I done? what have I said?" but she just couldn't give me that. Then the cab arrived and she got in and asked me to join but I was super overwhelmed by it all. I reluctantly got in and she begged and pleaded for me to put on my mask (which was in my pocket and I was fumbling for it trying to put my seatbelt on at the same time, still overwhelmed by it all) and I was still asking what I did, what happened, why she was mad at me. I did ask her for my keys at one point before this because she is staying with me and I feel more secure when I have them but she refused to give them to me, which turned into a power thing that I didn't mean it to, i just wanted to have them in my bag. It was just a really weird situation.

It got to the point where we were in the car for a minute and we stopped at a light while still arguing and I just got out of the car. I couldn't do it. It was super overwhelming. I get it was bad as I had the keys and she is staying with me, but those were two separate things in my head. In general she was acting so weird after a fun night we had drinking and eating dinner and seeing some friends of mine prior to this. I realise this sounds disjointed but I can't sleep and am mildly drunk and tired so to sum up:

>went out for dinner and drinks with my sister visiting here

>trying to get a cab home but it keeps cancelling because it's a busy night
>while this trying and failing is happening, I'm being silly and talking about getting into the private club next to us, suggesting walking home
>she's getting annoyed, clearly not taking what I say with a grain of salt even though my tone and general body language is conveying I'm just tipsy and having fun
>I ask for my keys
>again, she takes that as a serious thing
>refuses to give them to me, which makes me confused and mad
>start arguing
>she starts crying
>cab comes, she's still angry and arguing but begging me to get in the car
>I'm just weirded out but unsure what to do
>get in
>she keeps arguing and begging me to put on my mask, which I'm trying to do with everything going on
>Put it on, she keeps going
>stop at a light and my brain checks out, I get out
>She goes and stays at a friends while I go home

What did I do wrong here? I feel like I provided enough context, I don't/can't give my life story but the whole situation is just bizarre. Given we joke around a lot and aren't generally that serious with each other, and I was the more sleep deprived/overworked one while she's here on holiday, I didn't feel I was acting so out of line? i wasn't making a mess of myself, or bothering anyone, I was honestly just teasing and joking around which we always do sober. It felt off. Idk, help me nonnies.

No. 249391

>>249362
Sounds like your sister is a bit of a sperg herself, she just had a senseless meltdown like you did, because she's on holiday and doesn't have familiar comforts.

No. 249409

sisters in christ, help me gain weight.

i have really bad depression, and i was already super skinny. but i went to the doctor recently because im spitting up blood among other problems.. and my weight was literally 84.8. I'm 5'5. i feel really ashamed i let myself get this bad, i feel like i look gross, etc. i didn't notice myself getting so skinny. i just don't have an appetite and my stomach hurts when i eat so i just forget to/it feels like a burden having to. i don't starve myself or have an eating disorder btw.

what are some easy foods to gain weight? and easy to make bc depression makes it pretty hard? and any other tips?

No. 249414

>>249409
Can you get therapy? I undereat when I'm mentally unwell and the only time I managed to gain weight was when I fixed my psyche. Other than that don't forget to take vitamins and you could research stuff that boost your appetite.

No. 249415

>>249409
nuts and seeds, very high in calories (a small handfull of cashew and almond for example is easily 200 calories) and you don't have to prepare them if you don't want to, you can snack on them raw. Also healthy, especially if you don't get the salted ones.

No. 249425

>>249414
Yeah i'm in therapy and have been for years. i have treatment resistant depression so it's a hard battle. def gonna start taking more vitamins.
>>249415
thanks!

No. 249426

>>249409
Maybe try shakes? Creatine and protein powder, put lots of nutritious things in it like bananas, peanut butter, spinach, nuts, other fruits. Use milk as the base or almond milk if you're lactose intolerant. I always find it easier to drink my calories

No. 249427

>>249409
oats in milk with banana slices takes like 2 minutes to make and pop in the microwave if you like warm. You can add a bit cinnamon, honey or cocoa powder if you feel it tastes bland. It's easily digestible, healthy and has a lot of calories. I hope health will return to you soon.

No. 249479

How could I argue with someone who is technically correct when he complains about something but overreacts(yells/screams/swears)? Like this person is the type to get upset for the dumbest reasons too but what do I do when they are right? You know the type of thing that could indeed cause harm like something being at the wrong place.
I suck at arguing and in general I avoid confrontation because it leads anywhere and my words get twisted but I feel like I'm stepped over and I'm tired of that.

No. 249480

>>249479
Why are you a near a man with such terrible anger issues? Don’t let him treat that way. Draw boundaries and make clear that behavior isn’t okay. Or just drop him.

No. 249481

>>249479
"why is it necessary for you to yell?"
idk that's what i'd say but obviously this is a potentially dangerous person. yelling like this is not normal and not a good flag. it says a lot and isn't probably a good choice.

No. 249484

>>249479
I think you’re just setting yourself up for failure if you try to argue with a person who screams and gets pissed off over minor stuff. If you’re actually friends with him, you could try to talk about how immature he comes off when he yells, but wait for when he’s in a better mood. If you’re not close (like if he’s just a coworker or something) then I wouldn’t even bother, just let him yell and walk away.

No. 249491

>>249480
>>249481
>>249484
he is my father kek

>inb4 why don't u leave anon

financial reasons mostly

>>249481
>"why is it necessary for you to yell?"
I've asked something like this in the past but the answer is usually basically "I'm so tired and fed up with everything and YOU'RE making me do it". And when I am upset and act up it's like "why are you like this imagine how 'I' feel". Double standards really.

>>249484
>just let him yell and walk away.
the few times I've done that he tailed me and tried to speak to me while I was just telling him to leave me alone. It took him enough screaming and persistance to do that.

The worst thing is that he is probably a narc and doesn't understand he is wrong and but everyone else is. It would probably be the best if I could just fuck off somewhere else with minimal contact but personal issues and the state of the world makes it more difficult

No. 249502

How the hell do I create and stick to a routine? Can someone help me this? I have zero executive function and procrastinate on everything, including things I want to do. I have a list of these things but like how do I decide what day to do and which? And how should I track them? Any app recs?

No. 249549

>>249491
Sorry to hear this anon. Unfortunately there isn't too much you can do when you're financially dependent on an abusive person. If you don't have one already I would get a low-level job then look for a decent place to rent with roommates. They can sometimes be shitty too but better you deal with another woman who forgets to clean her plates sometimes or leaves her clothes scattered around the living room over putting up with your father screaming in your face and blaming you constantly.

No. 249943

Is there such a thing as money spending addiction? I know gambling exists but I wouldn't say that I gamble. I just have a stupid obsession with spending my money on items or food even though I know that right now I need to save and I keep draining my bank account. How do I stop anons, I've tried locking myself from my account but no matter what I will always spend my money on crap.

No. 250012

Sorry in advance if this is word salad, I'm not good at articulating myself and this is my 6th draft already so I don't think I can make it any better. Anyway, how do I stop being so autistic about self-improvement? Or better, how can I be autistic about it in a way that I can still work with? Or at the very least, are there any really overly-detailed guides to self-improvement that I should know about? Right now I'm a NEET trying my hand at recovery, but every time I try to start I get so overwhelmed by everything that I end up doing nothing at all. Even when I try to break things down into smaller, more realistic goals, it still ends up being way too much for me to handle. For context I'm in a spot right now where I do virtually nothing. At most I can force myself to shower if I have an appointment or dust and vacuum once the air gets foggy but other than that I'm at a scrote tier of NEETdom. It's really bad. Even typing this out is really embarrassing.

Since I'm like that, I've been trying to learn about the basic things people should do so I can improve myself, but they're all extremely complicated. I end up researching one aspect for days, but they always have requirements that dip into other areas of improvement because they're all inextricably tied and in the end it's all so much. It's like I have to start doing everything at once. Maybe this is doable, but I have no idea how to process, organize, or do anything with this information, or even how to find trustworthy information for more subjective things because I have no perspective. I feel like I need to micromanage everything so I don't fall into any bad habits and only build good ones, but I can't seem to wrap my head around all of what I need to do and properly make and abide by that schedule for myself. I want an extremely militaristic solution to my shortcomings so that I have no choice but to follow it, but the work that goes into creating it for myself feels Herculean.

My main problem is honestly that I can't seem to do anything unless it's entirely mindless. If I have a very concrete set of instructions to follow, I do fine, but if the instructions are just a little too vague or a little too forgiving, I'll either completely forget or I'll procrastinate it until I eventually just don't do anything. I can't put too much mental strain into anything either, because my comprehension and intelligence are low and I get so overwhelmed and exhausted that I crash for several weeks. To sum it up, I'm a turbosperg and I have no idea how to make any progression with myself because the only way to combat my shortcomings is to make things as direct as possible without having to think about anything, yet the way to set things up properly for that solution takes a great deal of thinking and planning that I just can't seem to do right. I don't know if it's an issue of low self-discipline, some mental illness, or what, but I'd really appreciate any advice on how to approach things, or even just any autistically detailed advice on self-improvement. I'd be happy to elaborate on my situation and what I'm trying to improve and how if that's necessary, since I do have some idea after several attempts. Thanks, and I'm sorry if this comes off as whiny or self-pitying. I don't mean it that way, I'm just trying to be straightforward about where I'm at.

No. 250016

>>250012
I dont have great advice anon because im an ex neet too, but I got fed up with trying to create 'plans' for myself to get better and I started doing random shit instead? I used to take my 3DS and just play it at the pub alone and get myself dinner, or i'd play at the arcade for a whole day or just sit in a park with some juice. Giving up on the whole planning thing really helped me and going out there and doing completely random shit actually got me out of my comfort zone. Eventually I was able to talk to bartenders and every now and again a stranger or two. From there it gets easier to decide what you want to do with your life. But yeah, my suggestion is to go out to random places and enjoy being alone but somewhere else. Bring something with you too and stay out for a while.

No. 250020

>>249943
Consider what makes you feel this way. Have you thought of talking to a therapist or some sort of addiction counselor? Sometimes there may be an underlying cause, like a childhood event, or some event that triggers that urge.

No. 250037

>>250020
I really hate venting my trauma to strangers so no I don't think I'd like the idea of a counselor etc.
I did come from a home that had little money however I wouldn't say it was too bad I still got the things I wanted etc. I don't know what triggers the urge really, maybe just day to day stress if I really think about it. Ugh, it sucks.

No. 250060

>>250037
If it's so bad even locking yourself off from your account doesn't help you may be forced to choose the lesser evil - either continue being unable to deal with your addiction or face your discomfort of opening up to a stranger.
Something that helps me save is having sub-account on my actual bank account, that has no debit card assigned to it - every month I transfer some money to that saving account and all the spending I do comes from the main account with the card assigned to it; I worry it may not be enough for you though. Still worth a shot.

No. 250104

File: 1647444433972.jpg (137.04 KB, 564x752, 1bf8be002d10c30cfe79fa4916e961…)

>>250012
I think I get this. Nonnie, you first need to really think about what you want. Why do you aim to improve yourself? Everyone wants to improve themselves for various reasons. Some people want to be like their favorite people (be it celebrity or a fictional character), some people want to make (better) friends, some people aspire for a certain lifestyle, etc. What set me off to my current self-improvement spree was like hitting the lowest I've ever been in my life and literally just telling myself… I don't want this anymore. I don't want my life to be this disorganized, I don't like being ugly because I'm too lazy to care for myself, I don't like that my friends and my cheating ex are living their best lives while I'm, what? Missing deadlines, running away from responsibilities, avoiding people. Staying in misery was so comfy, and I decided that I didn't want to be comfy, I wanted to be happy! I wanted to be a stacy who is not controlled by my own depression. And I guess, from my own sentiments, I just figured out what I needed to do and learn about. For example, I didn't want my life to be disorganized so I tried to find methods of organization that felt enjoyable and helpful to me. I wanted to undo how I've let go of myself during my depressive episode so I relearned how to do flattering makeup and how to dress for my body type, then I started working out from half an hour to an hour every day and completely changed my way of eating. You don't need to learn all the tenets of self-improvement. And you don't need to self-improve fast. Just be truly honest with yourself about why you want to improve yourself and why it's worth it. From there you'll know your personal areas of improvement and what you just need to tackle and you won't feel overwhelmed by the pressure of having to know everything.
Oh and it also helps to really know yourself so you have a point of reference. When I was learning how to dress well I first verified my color season, body shape, and kibbe type. You could see this as difficult but for me it was a way to just narrow things down. To just get information that is relevant to me. It's like base knowledge. Then you just explore from there.
There's this concept in computer science called 'abstraction'. The idea is that you don't need to know everything behind how systems or things work. You just need to know how to make it work for you, for the purpose you intend to make it work. For example, whenever you use the ATM machine, you're not expected to know anything about it's hardware and software to withdraw money. You don't have to think about its hardware and software at all, ever, in your life. You just have to know that you should insert your card and press some buttons and type some stuff then money is withdrawn. Even though the hardware and the software made all that possible and are working behind the scenes you should! not! care! Knowledge of what goes on behind the scenes is not going to help you check your balance or withdraw money or whatever it is you usually do in ATM machines. It's the same for your case, nonnie. Just use concise sources, learn the do's and don'ts, don't forget that you also learn best from experience/messing up (either your own experience or from anecdotes)! You don't need textbook knowledge before doing stuff, I promise. Just do basic research, wing it, and improve with time!!

No. 250342

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask or not but I was wondering if anyone knew anything about farms and owning a farm. I wanna save towards owning one in the future but I'm not sure where to find a comprehensive guide on how to do it. I mean mostly in buying the land/farm,what to expect, how not to get scammed and all that.

No. 250345

>>250012

fellow autist that was in a similar situation. Try some type of factory job with a routine where you do the same precise thing all the time.

I worked a wine bottle capping machine (lots of winemakers where i live) and even though it was minimum wage, it was the best thing. I hardly had to think about what I was doing and I was still doing it well. Basically the job was to put bottles in the machine until the container is empty, then once they come out of the machine I had to put them in boxes in a precise formation, then pile up the boxes in a precise order. All clear instructions. The machines were noisy so I was allowed to use headphones/music, and since the whole process required zero complex thinking, I could think about completely random things all day long and not have to keep my mind on track or put any kind of strain on it.

That's for the getting out of NEETdom part, but I still struggle a bit when it comes to keeping up with hobbies and tasks outside of that, so I can't really help.

No. 250390

>>250342
It depends on really how much you want to farm, if you want to go large scale you'll need a couple of acres and some farm equipment which cost a lot if you don't know someone to get them secondhand. If you just want to do it to sustain yourself small scale you could specialize in one or two particular crops and sell locally but you might have to supplement your income. Livestock will need even more land if it's large grazing animals like cows and sheep but you can get away with something smaller for chickens or pigs. A lot of farming people will also rent out portions of their land to be farmed and get a percent of the profits earned after selling. It's not always relaxing though if something happens to your crops like a big storm or something you're out a seasons profits.

Getting the land might be difficult, at least where I'm from most farms/land are usually inherited. Maybe try to find some people who are getting out of it and are selling their land. There's a lot of good channels on youtube you get some info if you're just starting

No. 250394

File: 1647536018372.png (243.47 KB, 720x344, BA4EDC5A-5CCD-4E53-81EA-2EB942…)

Anons, for my exchange semester at university should I choose Japan or the US?

Japan pros and cons

>Pros: Grew up as a weeb and been to Tokyo twice as a teen. Loved it. Life long dream and I even know some conversational Japanese. Good subway system, I can’t drive.


>Cons: Tokyo is not an option for the exchange. I’ll end up in Sendai. Don’t know anything about Sendai, scared it will be boring af. Won’t make local friends because Japanese ppl can be a bit autistic


USA pros and cons

>Pros: Might look good on my CV because the US is glamorized where I’m from. Been to New York and loved how friendly everyone is in the states, also loved how full of life it is. I’m currently a bit of an Americaboo kek


>Cons: Almost certainly won’t end up in New York, Chicago, San Francisco etc but instead in lesser known states. Maybe west coast or midwest. Might get boring but I’ll make friends maybe?

No. 250398

>>250394
>how friendly everyone is in the states
As an American I never got why we have this positive stereotype, but trying to be neutral for the sake of helpful advice. I still vote Japan because you say it's a life-long dream, you'll get to practice a new language, there's lots of convenience and safety, it will still look good on a CV and you'll have more unique experiences. Sendai is only 90-120 minutes from Tokyo on the shinkansen so you could still reach it easily but Sendai is hardly a backwater, it's the largest city in the Tohoku region. I also don't know why you're writing off making Japanese friends, if you're going in with that attitude then you'll be the one coming across uninviting. So long as you make consistent effort and put yourself out there to meet people you will make friends just like anywhere else.

No. 250401

>>250394
I think, because Japan is notoriously hard to immigrate/move to when you’re no longer a student, you should take the opportunity now to live there. It’s kind of a once in a lifetime tbh. But this is coming from a burger who doesn’t think the US is that exciting

No. 250406

>>250394
Japan Japan Japan. Our universities are pozzed as fuck.

No. 250415

File: 1647543573822.jpg (47.13 KB, 460x444, 1645588011213.jpg)

>>250016
That makes sense. A change of pace could be useful, because it's true that all of this planning and researching I'm doing is only at home online and I haven't actually expanded my horizons any. I don't have any real means of transport but at the very least taking a walk or something shouldn't hurt. Thanks nona.
>>250104
God nonnie I adore everything about this response thank you!! A lot of what you're saying really clicks with me and you're totally right too. I spend a lot of time worrying about this stuff, and I do know my reasons, but I've never really sat down and wrote out my raison d'etre for it or what my actual goals were, only ever my research into what I should be doing. It's also true that I need to narrow things down and choose information relevant to me, and that I don't need to know how all of it works, just that I can get the results I want from doing certain things. Just yesterday I was reading this entry guide to fitness and health that discussed that a lot of the conflicting information floating around are just hairsplitting arguments from people trying to optimize the basic guidelines they already put into practice, and that applies to everything else too. All I need is to build the foundational knowledge first and learn to use it, then I can find out what I need from there, or if I even need anything else in the first place. Thank you, seriously.
>>250345
That sounds heavenly, I'll have to look into factory jobs once I get self-care, basic financial literacy, and basic job-hunting skills down. From what I've seen security might be a good bet too, since it's relatively idle and doesn't seem to take much thinking unless something out of the ordinary happens. Musing aside, thanks!

No. 250422

>>250398
>>250401
>>250406
Thank you nonnies, you gave me a lot of clarity and peace of mind, Japan it is then!

No. 250457

>>250394
chicago and san fran are shit, you're not missing out on anything

No. 250498

File: 1647583295317.jpg (89.3 KB, 800x480, ccs-movie-00024.jpg)

So it's just now kind of hitting me that my typing is slowly going to shit. I use a Wacom tablet and pen most days, so when I type, I'm holding the pen inbetween two fingers as I do so. It's fucked up my typing so bad that as I type this, I notice I use maybe like… four or five fingers total. Heavily reliant on the middle fingers. Please help anons, I don't wanna be reduced to henpecking at the keyboard.

No. 250530

>>250498
Maybe you could practice with one of those websites where you type words with a timer. Practice makes perfect

No. 250585

File: 1647633384294.gif (4.77 MB, 540x293, tumblr_415bdbd18963dc9b6e0e77b…)

How do I get past my own perceived flaws?

I feel so alone sometimes but I also feel like I can't allow myself to be in relationships because I have so many issues. I learned about avoidant attachment theory and it fits me to a T. I am the type of person when things start going wrong to pull away and detach from the situation. I don't want to do this to people but it's honestly how I cope with bad things.

Even if the person of my dreams asked me out I would probably turn them down at this moment because I just can't imagine someone being with me in this current state. I know realistically people who are worse than me get things in life they want and don't care about this but I have this complex where if I feel I'm not good enough I don't deserve good things.

No. 250607

>>250498
literally just go to a website that teaches you how to touch type. I finally learned from one a few months ago and now my typing is fine.

No. 250967

File: 1647813270099.jpg (174.83 KB, 1150x1150, 3ab1149ba035d97b698330fd45f4d4…)

how can i maintain friendships and open up more to people emotionally? has anyone else been adviced to open up more? or described as cold and standoffish? i'm a very giving person and i geniunely love my friends but i have a hard time expressing my emotions which is why i tend to fall into this habit of isolating myself from everyone being in my own world being at home all day or even if i'm out i'm by myself and i'm not even aware that i havent talked to my friends in a week, it damages my friendships and i have a hard time establishing strong relationships with people because of this i cried over this today i dont know how to change this about myself its like this magnetic force around me pushing people away and even when someone tries to get to know me i feel like i have no depth as a person like i have nothing interesting to contribute

No. 250969

>>250967
medication or therapy for your depression. if you have those then you need to find friends who you mesh better with, but it sounds like you currently are holding yourself back.

i have friends who are ok when i need to tune out and isolate for awhile as a social battery recharge. it doesn't affect our friendships negatively.

No. 251265

I'm suppose to be having my covid vaccination today or tomorrow and I am feeling very hesitant about it… I'm only taking it so I can travel to the US from the UK this summer but I am having doubts about if it's worth it to experience travelling again. I haven't had covid and always tested negative. some of my family members are against it while some of my friends were pressuring me to get it done asap…

I feel the main two things I am worrying about is the side affects of getting the vaccine and worrying I would catch covid while in the US.

No. 251267

>>251265
Which vaccine are you having? I've had 3 of them (Pfizer), after the first one I just felt sleepy and took a long nap afterwards, after the second one I didn't experience anything, and after the third one I had pain shooting from my neck to my right arm, which I had for about a week

No. 251268

>>251267
I'm planning on getting the Pfizer one since I heard that's the best one for people around my age group. I honestly feel like some of my family members are putting doubts in my head and trying to convince me that the vaccination are killing off people…

No. 251274

>>251268
They're retards. Get the vaccine and enjoy your trip.

No. 251281

>>251265
>some of my family members are against it while some of my friends were pressuring me to get it done asap…
They're both stupid, sorry. I say this as someone who's vaxxed. Omicron is a cold, getting it or not getting it is not a life or death situation at this point in the pandemic, if you can call that anymore. If I were unvaxxed at this point I probably wouldn't get it. Not because I think the vaxx is dangerous but because the differences between vaxxed and unvaxxed people are minor with Omicron from what I've seen. My unvaxxed sister got covid for the first time just weeks before I did this month and while she spent a few days in bed when I was fully functional, that's nothing to get scared into taking the vaxx over. And that's kinda what I hear from everyone around me, it doesn't matter whether they are unvaxxed, vaxxed or vaxxed + boostered, everyone and their mothers are getting omicron and spend a few days in bed at worst. That said I think the "people are dying because of the vaxx" is bs too, I know loads of people in my personal life who got vaxxed with a variety of vaxxes and none of them died or have had weird health issues since. Just take the vaxx if you need it to travel and be done with it. People are taking waaaaay too extreme standpoints about the vaxxes. You're not going to die by taking it, you're not going to die by not taking it. People need to use their common sense.

No. 251303

>>251274
yeah I'm just going to do it even if some of my family members are against it. It's their choice if they don't want to get it themselves and getting it is my choice.
>>251281
>Just take the vaxx if you need it to travel and be done with it. You're not going to die by taking it, you're not going to die by not taking it.
Yeah I felt I didn't really need to take the vaccine because it doesn't make a difference to me while living in my country but now that I'm planning on going abroad I'm getting it. I even told my friends for the past year or so that I would get my vaxx when I'm ready and wanting to travel abroad.

Thank you anon for showing another viewpoint that isn't just black and white.

No. 251335

My boyfriend and I are long distance for a brief period of time because of his work. It’s been since the beginning of the year, but it won’t be for much longer. Without getting too graphic, my boyfriend is very turned on by me. Even just sfw pictures of my face turn him on, he’s a very visual person. I’ve been sending him nudes while we are long distance to try to maintain our sexual intimacy.
However, my problem is that whenever I do send him nudes he’s really into them so he just goes to jerk off alone. He’ll come back a little later to compliment me and say he enjoyed himself, but I’m not a part of the experience. I’ve also been trying to dirty talk with him and initiate sexual conversation sometimes but he seems like he couldn’t be less interested. I’ll say something halfway flirty, or outright filthy, or talk about masturbating and he doesn’t reciprocate. Or sexual intimacy has become me sending him nudes and him jerking off by himself.
It’s making me feel really undesired and unwanted, or like his attraction to me has lessened. I want my sexual relationship with him back. I want to feel sexy, I miss feeling sought after. It’s killing my self esteem. I’ve been sending him nudes less and less because it’s hard to have any desire to do that when he’s not flirting with me and making me feel wanted, but all that’s doing is lessening our sexual intimacy more and more. Any advice here? What would you do in my situation?
Also I’m 100% on the fact that he isn’t cheating on me, I know that for certain and it’s not my concern.

No. 251341

>>251335
Don't send him nudes and videocall instead, that way he'll have no choice but to interact with you. That said I think it's a terrible idea to send him nudes or go nude on videocall, there's so many revenge stories of men posting their gf's nudes. Be careful.

No. 251363

Is it a bad idea to straight up ask a guy you’ve been seeing why he’s being distant / if he’s no longer interested? I’ve looked this up on reddit advice threads and some people think it’s ok to be direct whereas others say it makes you seem clingy/anxious and might scare the other person away. I’ve also thought of just asking about his availability for a date this week but I’m afraid that I’ll get a polite excuse when I’d prefer to just know the truth

No. 251365

>>251363
I should clarify, this would be over text

No. 251372

I'm going to my first weeb convention and I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my own good time by getting jealous every time my bf so much as looks at other women, especially gorgeous women or women in revealing outfits. He doesn't behave inappropriately, it's totally in my head. How do I stay grounded and ignore jealous thoughts? I don't like being this way.

No. 251379

>>251363
Honestly if a guy is acting any way but enthusiastic towards you, you shouldn't waste your time. A man who really wants you and appreciates you will not give you any reason to doubt. You don't need to clarify his lack of interest because he's already showing you through his lack of initiative. You taking charge might nudge him into another date in the hopes of sex, but is that all you really want? Someone who just feels lukewarm towards you?

No. 251386

>>251379
Seconding, I wasted a whole relationship of several years on a guy because I didn't understand this fact about men

No. 251392

>>251386
I had a similar experience. It's a shame so many of us drastically overcomplicate things. If a guy is so fickle as to lose interest right in the beginning then no surprise, he's just not that into you. The problem is too many women take it personally as if they're defective instead of realizing that most men are just shallow, sex obsessed and woefully incapable of approaching relationships from a place of joint growth. Op ought to read some of the nigel brag posts. You have men caring for anxiety-ridden NEETs, attending every doctor's visit, cooking and cleaning, paying for everything, studying class rosters and social media to set up meetings, no matter how shy or busy they supposedly were. Not saying they don't deserve it, just that women don't have to go out of their way to make things happen when they're actually valued. I'm with FDS on this topic: If he wanted to, he would.

No. 251393

>>251372
I'm sure you know this but it sounds like you have some deep-seated self esteem issues that are not going to be cured over the single day/weekend this con is taking place. In the meantime to get through the experience I would suggest DBT techniques to manage your feelings. You know what to expect and you know you'll likely be triggered. Awareness is good. Do not ignore the jealous thoughts when they arise, acknowledge them. "My boyfriend glanced at that titty cosplayer. I'm feeling upset because that makes me think he sees her as prettier than me. I am now choosing not to accept this feeling as fact. My boyfriend said he loves me more than anyone in the world and he has always treated me with respect. It is wrong and egocentric of me to assume his thoughts based on my insecurity. I am letting this feeling go now." Deep breaths. Then you redirect. Over and over if needed. Your mind has worn a groove of insecurity over however many years you've internalized these feelings, so you have to actively wear down a new path. You can sub in whatever specific things your boyfriend has said or done that make you feel valued and secure. Emotions can be useful in some circumstances, but in others they are not based on reality. At least you already realize that. The next step is mentally taking back control over those areas of weakness.

No. 251394

How do you deal with anger management issues, nonnies? I am a quiet and timid person and I deal with triggers as calmly as possible but some people and circumstances just really do their best to drive you up the wall and push you off the edge and when that happens I just snap and get filled with violent thoughts and of course I can't inflict pain onto others and cause chaos in my surroundings so I inflict pain onto myself. It sounds so immature and unhealthy I know but I don't know this has been how I've coped for a long time

No. 251398

>>251394
If you're in a situation that allows for that, release your anger on a pillow - yell into it, hit it with all your force; that will let you release a lot of it in a way that will both give you that sense of exhaustion but will not inflict pain on your body. Then, other things that can help would be some minor physical exercise - something like stretchng session, or warmup, just to - again - exhaust you. Lasty, look into breathing exercises, and meditation/relaxation (with guide of course), it's the perfect final step to calm the mind down.
Ultimately thought it would be really good if you could see a therapist about it, that anger has to come from somewhere, maybe if that's addressed it would help.

No. 251436

>>251394
I have no tips but. Just make sure you are NOT throwing your phone to the wall in frustration like i did like an idiot.

220 dollar screen replacement wasn’t worth a moment of anger LOL

No. 251492

How can I deal with the knowledge that my sister cheated on her husband? He’s honestly so sweet even if I haven’t gotten to know him super well. But he takes so much of her rage attacks without saying a single word. So patient, so understanding. And now he calls me in tears saying that she’s out with a guy at a bar and has been ignoring his calls. He even found flirtatious texts between her and this guy. What the fuck anons. She’s my sister!! I’ve always looked up to her. How could she do this

No. 251493

>>251393
>have self esteem issues
Maybe her boyfriends eyes wander when they're out or he's said something or displayed another type of behaviour that has her paranoid for as long as she's with him. Why do people always go "youre just insecure." to women? I am extremely confident in myself but I had an ex who said some horrible shit to me and would look at other women when we were out together. If this is her case, she needs to get rid of him and find a man who respects her.

No. 251495

>>250394
Uh chicago is in the midwest and san fran is on the west coast.

>lesser known states

>the west coast
Why the fuck wouldn't you want to go to oregon or washington state? If you choose japan like an idiotic weeb, you will severely limit your life.

No. 251501

>>251493
I agree with you. It's completely natural to not want your partner to ogle other women.

No. 251503

>>251493
>>251501
That may be the case but anon said he does not behave inappropriately and that he's simply looking at people, not ogling. My advice would have been very different if she described it in a way that implied the guy was diminishing her and being a pervert, but being strangers on an imageboard I can only take her at her word.

No. 251546

I want to contact an author with questions about a specific book passage, but I don't really know what my purpose is behind it. The problem is I know these types usually don't answer unless you specify a reason why. The true reason I'm doing it is complicated and I don't think he would verify me if I told the true reason why I wanted to ask him. I could scour around for information as to why without asking him, but I'd rather talk to him. Since I don't have twitter anymore I was planning on contacting him via email. If he doesn't have an email I might have to concede and make an unwanted social burner

Should I tell a white lie and say I'm a college student who's planning on using what he tells as a citation for a project or assignment? I technically am a student and it could be useful in the future. Is it even a lie then? I feel bad being disingenuous, but it's much easier to lie via email than it is to lie in person. So figure no harm no foul.

How do I make my email sound fluffy and readable? Should I preen ego a little bit and tell him I like his prose? Should I be praiseworthy? Will that make it likelier to receive a response? I'm honestly doubting he'll say anything back at all if I send him info because he's too good for me, but is it worth a shot? I feel like a freak saying this. It's not like my reasoning behind it that's the actual motive for me contacting him is creepy, I just don't think he would understand it. The reason I want to know about the process behind the passage is complicated and I can't begin to explain it without delving into the personal side of my life. Like I would want to burden anyone with that

No. 251554

>>251393
Thank you anon, I wrote your advice down and I'm going to try to keep it in mind. I definitely tend to either totally ignore or negatively indulge the jealous thoughts when I have them so I'm going to try acknowledging and redirecting.

>>251501
>>251493
I don't blame you for being suspicious anons lol but I'm the one who said I was insecure and like anon said, she was just taking me at my word. My bf has never been more than distantly polite to women while we're out, I cannot think of a single time he behaved strangely or inappropriately to a woman regardless of what she looked like. I am a recovering NLOG and have compared myself to women since long before I was in a relationship (he is my first BF), so it's hard for me to stop comparing myself to other women and see them mas competition. That's why I posted here instead of Relationship Advice as well, as this problem extends beyond my relationship.

No. 251555

>>251546
I think you could be honest with them and tell him you don't really know why. Depending on who the author is, how popular they are will probably correlate to how likely he is to respond to you. It might be worth explaining you're unsure why you're looking for answers, but you'd very much like to find out. I think authors like when someone is genuinely curious about dissecting their work.

No. 251556

>>251554
You're welcome nona, I hope it helps you get through the day. It can be frustrating and tiring to continually redirect but it's definitely better than allowing yourself to brood over a nonissue. That's great you're overcoming internalized misogyny and have a respectful boyfriend. I hope you can also work on strengthening your self image so it's easier to see your value without needing to compare yourself to other women. Sending good thoughts your way!

No. 251590

>>251398
Thank you nonnie! I took your advice and ran 2 miles out of anger and it feels great. I was able to release a lot of tension. I don't have the resources to book another therapy session right now but I'll go through a therapeutic anger management workbook and hopefully I can reevaluate some things.
>>251436
Kekk thanks for the heads up! I also don't want to encourage myself to destroy things when I'm mad because it definitely seems like something you'll regret after

No. 251603

>>251590
So glad it worked for you! Good luck with your research, you'll manage for sure, even if it will take a while

No. 251634

Does anyone have advice for dealing with coarse black hair? I’m not talking peach fuzz, I’m talking like male barbed stubble kind of hair on my face and body, I have a fucked up hormone system (yay pcos and endo shit). I’m just looking for practical solutions, like an acid or laser or something?
I see people talking about laser hair removal, has anyone else with thyroid/pcos issues tried it and how long did it last, what kind of results did you see?
I’ve tried those cream hair removers some years ago but stopped after one gave me a giant blister, have they improved at all?
Are there cosmetic procedures I don’t know about that could solve or at least alleviate this?
What other things can I do in general, would make up cover it? How thick does my makeup need to be to cover stubble that appears three hours after shaving (usually the hair just gets in the way and I have sensitive skin)?

No. 251639

>>251555
The book is technically coauthored but I believe him to be the mastermind behind the prose, and probably the cohesive one of the two. Not giving my input on the other half. I just don't know if being honest will somehow make me come across as creepier or not. That's why I'm hesitant not to lie.

I'm not sure if he'd get back to me. I plan to snoop his socials and any videos I can find, and see what his demeanor is. Thus far from he doesn't seem unapproachable. I don't want to seem like a weirdo in researching, but you tailor yourself to fit an audience, I'm sure he'd know that. As someone who's aspired to author a book one day myself I'd like to think I share a level of kinship with another author and would be able to get through to them, I just don't handle rejection well. I'm not going to go all Kathy Bates in Misery if someone ignores me, but I'm afraid of being framed that way.

No. 251643

I think a few years ago I was sexually assaulted during a one night stand (which I did just to try and assault aside just isn't for me). I've been trying to excuse it (I said yes to trying the act, he was drunk etc) but every time something triggers me there's a knot in my stomach and I think about how he only stopped when I was yelling in pain, and someone who respects boundaries would have stopped as soon as I expressed hesitation, going slower etc. How do I get over it? I don't want to tell my friends but I really don't know the steps to mentally getting over it because the feeling keeps returning, I want to process it but it's like I'm stuck in a loop.

No. 251644

>>251643
And I suppose I want to add, it doesn't feel super scarring? When I Google how to deal with it I feel it's these more extreme scenerios. Sexually I've trusted all my partners before and after, being with them doesn't trigger me and I didn't feel scared or threatened, I was drunk so it was really just let's try it, oh it's painful but he keeps trying despite me saying ow. I didn't even think of it as assault initially but when I'm in high anxiety/stress mode it pops up sometimes.

No. 251660

>>251644
You should find a therapist you can trust and discuss it with them. A lot of people deal with abuse differently and some don't really have major effects aside from small triggers but that doesn't mean mean you can't get support.

No. 251672

>>251634
I know this sounds crazy but spearmint tea. I heard about it somewhere and decided to try it. I plucked a thick hair from my chin before trying it, then drank the tea twice a day for a month. I plucked a new hair and it was definitely thinner. I noticed it didn't grow back as fast either. If it doesn't work for you, at least it's just cheap tea.

No. 251844

File: 1648238545525.jpg (62.81 KB, 1200x655, 2287da6a823a771aca4eb703e46425…)

How do I become a warm, loving human?

Most of the time I'm marinating in negative emotions, I often feel helpless and sad and cry often. Furthermore I feel like in human interactions, I have to play a part and pretend like I'm a positive, optimistic person but sooner or later they will get to know the real, bitter, pessimistic me which will cause them to leave me. How do I become my mask?
The biggest challenge is that I just cannot trust people and feel like I can't open up around them because they will use whatever I say against me. Well, that and also I hate myself

No. 251850

>>251844
These are a lot of issues that you probably won't solve by reading someone's advice on an imageboard. But becoming positive and loving yourself actually takes practice if it's not innate for you. Restricting negative behavior, dismissing negative thoughts, and intentionally putting yourself into a positive mindset are some good ways to start.
>Restricting negative behavior
Take note of your bad habits, come up with alternative or desired behaviors, and hold yourself accountable to change your habits. Push yourself to not make the same mistakes over again, and not to dwell on them or beat yourself up. If you mess up, learn and do better.
>Dismissing negative thoughts
Challenge yourself to think positively. If you think something negative or bitchy, counter it with something positive. Don't give yourself time to stew in negativity. Acknowledge that you've just had an unpleasant thought. But don't stew in your mistakes, either. Simply criticizing yourself won't make you think positively. Correct yourself. Every time. For example, if you think something like, "I'm worthless," counter that thought with, "I'm not being fair to myself. I am not worthless. No one is worthless. You don't have to serve any purpose to be worthy of happiness and love. I am worthy." Write down affirmations if it helps you. Say positive things out loud. Compliment yourself. Compliment others. Accept thanks and apologies. Acknowledge when you're doing well. Celebrate little victories. You may start this out feeling like you're lying to yourself if you've been stuck in a cycle of negativity. That's okay. Keep pushing yourself to think positively. It will be come more natural the more you do it.
>Intentionally put yourself in a positive state
Do activities that relax you and make you happy. Try new things that interest you, and also do things for pleasure that you are already good at. Set aside time in your schedule for these things. Consider this a responsibility. Don't let yourself skip out on them when you're feeling lazy or stressed. Make the time, every time.

No. 251864

>>251850
nta but I have the same problem. Your advice is pretty solid. Thanks for posting anon

No. 252076

>>251850
Thank you for your thoughts. Your post made me realize that I somehow never really made effort to overcome negativity - if I was in a bad mood I usually start analyzing it, and then eventually get lost in what the possible cause could have been and I usually end up feeling worse

No. 252105

I know I just posted about this in the vent thread last night, but it's still on my mind. I was complaining about how my friend doesn't ask me any questions about myself and our conversations feel tense and awkward now.

It's still bothering me today and I'm wondering if I really should bring it up to her? I was thinking I could ask her if she was feeling okay last night just to make sure I'm not jumping to conclusions first and if she felt like everything was fine then I can try to broach the subject. But I'm still at a loss of how to basically say "Sometimes I don't feel like you really care about how I'm doing or what I'm talking about."

Then again, I wonder if maybe she's just not feeling well right now and that's why things are tense and awkward. Maybe I just should let it go and wait to see if this is a recurring pattern. I also can't help but question whether I'm justified in feeling hurt/annoyed by this. Is it an unrealistic expectation to want people to ask you about what's going on in your life instead of having to just bring up things unprompted? It feels forced and awkward. I guess if I really had something I wanted to talk about, I would have said it anyway without prompting so maybe I should just change my mindset on the situation? Idk in social situations like these I always think myself in circles about whether I have a right to be annoyed or not and it'd help just to hear some other perspectives I guess. For reference, I'm >>1112634
in the vent thread.

No. 252163

>>205674
anyone have any advice on finding male poet shirts that are frilly and high quality material? having a hard time finding them online that don't look too costume-y

No. 252214

>>252105
Yes, this is a reasonable thing to bring up and your approach sounds fine. It's nice of you to ask if she's not feeling well but unless she's really going through something terrible at the moment, a good friend should still be interested in you and your life even if they're busy. Maybe it's old-fashioned but I hold to the rule of treating others like I want to be treated, and if they don't reciprocate then they're not someone I want in my life. Everyone has "off" days though, so hopefully once you draw her attention to the problem she'll come around. I've even had romantic partners who never asked a thing about me and always waited for me to discuss my life until I pointed it out. (These days I wouldn't bother, I'm not wasting my time teaching men who don't even have a drop of emotional intelligence.) With men it's sadly common but it's more unusual for a woman, and you shouldn't maintain a one-sided friendship unless she comes around.

No. 252246

How do I stop being impulsive af? I keep ordering food even though I'm broke and keep playing video games for long hours despite having a million things to do

No. 252248

>>252246
What feelings are you burying in food and games? What horrible thought triggers your desire to eat and escape into fiction? What are you avoiding? Confront that and you will be able to understand your impulsiveness.

No. 252254

>>252246
how's your sleep schedule and quality? to make better decisions and habits it's the first step to building better will power. before I started getting my sleep under control (buying weighted blanket, black out curtains, and melatonin) I struggled a lot. Now I still have issues but I can start to tackle them when before I couldn't.

No. 252262

>>252163
>I want a frilly pirate shirt that doesn’t look like a costume
Good luck, anon.

No. 252263

>>252248
I think it's just… the avoidance of reality? Reality as in, staying with my own thoughts
>>252254
Not really good. I conditioned myself to fall asleep to watching videos only (and literally cannot fall asleep without my phone) and I usually wake up at 5 in the morning. I also sometimes wake up at 2 or 3 am and have to go back to watch videos to be able to fall asleep

No. 252287

>>252262
>ptsd flashback to me dressed as a lady pirate for pride week in highshool

No. 252302

>>252262
Thanks just trying to get a goth shirt for my bf for a surprise gift for his bday. I’m not goth myself so idk what stores he goes to and if I ask it’ll be obvi

No. 252310

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No. 252311

File: 1648503217078.png (317.8 KB, 444x657, 8490328403274265.png)

>>252302
I would try Etsy, they usually have the best options for more niche styles like this. There are some people that just resell Aliexpress shit but also lots that actually make things by hand. Poet shirts are obviously out of the norm so it may look somewhat costume-y no matter what, but so long as it's high quality and he has confidence he can/should rock whatever he wants. Picrel is nice and on sale, not super ruffled up but still has some. Would definitely work well in a goth getup: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1034729854/the-count-shirt-discounted-slightly

No. 252328

How can I improve my professional verbal communication? Are there resources on this? I stammer and it's hard to communicate my thoughts clearly especially when put on the spot.

No. 252350

>>252328
I like to wind up to answering questions/responding. Like when someone asks me something, I say "oh that's a good question," or "yes I get asked that a lot," or "certainly I can tell you more about that." Because these are just stock phrases with no meaning, I can say them without thinking and it gives me time to process my actual response a bit more.
As for stammering, be sure to take deep breaths and give yourself time to think. It's ok to pause, even mid sentence. You're better off just going quiet for a few seconds than using fillers (um, uh, yeah, like, etc).
Also I think writing is a good way to practice formulating your thoughts and finding ways to communicate them efficiently. You could try keeping a diary, or sperging writing about your passions (if you have them).

No. 252562

Anyone know how to get rid of/dispel static electricity? My couch is really staticky and every time I get up and touch something metal I get a REALLY strong shock.

No. 252566

People say to trust your gut but how do you know if your intuition is right? Like what if the feeling you have about something is actually just denial or delusion?

No. 252568

>>252566
This phrase assumes you have a good grasp on reality and adequate life experience. If you're not sure if that applies to you, you might consider counseling or therapy. But in most cases, the whole point of trusting your gut is so you don't overanalyze the situation which could lead to convincing yourself to make very poor decisions, or allow yourself to be gaslit or otherwise taken advantage of by someone who is trying to manipulate you. An example would be if your instinct says you shouldn't accept drinks from a stranger because something feels off, but you convince yourself or someone convince you that your gut instinct is unfounded and delusional. In this situation, your gut may have in fact been wrong, the stranger may have had no intention of trying to take advantage of you if you got drunk, and the drink may not have been tampered with. But your suspicions were grounded in reality, and while there are no risks to refusing the drink, there were high risks to accepting the drink. Your brain has the data to signal that the situation could be dangerous based on your life experience, even if you weren't able to spell it all out in that moment to prove it to yourself or the other person. That's why you should trust your gut. Unless you're a schizo. If you suspect you might be a schizo, again, therapy.

No. 252649

my girlfriend speaks english as a second language and is doing her masters currently. she’s writing her thesis at the moment and wants me to review her writing and suggest ways of changing the writing and paraphrasing to make it more fluent and native sounding (she is fluent in english but her academic writing does i think have the aura of someone writing in a second language if that makes sense). i’m just worried because at my university anything resembling cheating is really frowned upon and in my field of study (law) we were told that any instances of academic misconduct could jeopardize our chances of being admitted as a lawyer. i don’t want her to get in trouble for cheating or something, do you think this counts? surely no one would know but i’m still nervous. she’s still writing the paper but i suppose i will be reviewing and making suggestions.

No. 252660

>>252649
That's not cheating dumbass. Help your gf.

No. 252663

File: 1648652594467.jpeg (112.36 KB, 500x334, hairtwirl.jpeg)

Ok so how the fuck do I flirt? Like what do I do? I have 0 experience with talking to men, I never had any male friends and my dad never spoke to me. Help me nonnas!

No. 252672

>>252649
This is not cheating, it's peer review which is not only allowed, but expected. You aren't writing her paper and she isn't plagiarizing the content (presumably). If you're that worried, ask her to meet with the school's writing and language resources, which will be doing exactly what she's asked you to do, checking for language issues and offering criticism to improve the paper.

No. 252687

>>252663
It definitely doesn't have to be over the top like you see in the movies a la "is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" Here's a not so unknown secret: Most men will take even the smallest shows of warmth as a sign of interest. A compliment or two, expressing interest in them and their hobbies, sometimes even a smile alone. If the guy has any level of self confidence and they are interested in you, they will take this as a go-ahead to ask you out. If they don't, then they either aren't interested or are too shy/nervous. Do not make the mistake of thinking "aaw that means I should take the initiative." Men who have low self esteem can be dangerous and often drag down the women they are with in subtle ways to punish her for seeing good in them they themselves cannot see. All this to say, just treat them like a friend, ask questions, but with a few more blatant compliments thrown in like "your attitude always brightens my mood" or "you look so great in that suit today." They do get it if they're a man potentially worth dating, so don't think you're not making yourself clear if you don't get a response right away.

No. 252909

File: 1648755447318.jpg (58.59 KB, 464x698, 5fda37e736feec5d3e090846a1e34e…)

This may sound weird and I might be overthinking it because of my asperger and OCD but does collecting dolls make me an age regressor ? Since I've got social media and liked posts about toys collections/pastel color furnitures etc I've got lots of so called "littles" and age regression recs/feed despite never having thought of myself this way. I'm 22, I do have a history of mental illness (PTSD and OCD) but have been actively working on it in therapy for a few years, and aside of more "normal" hobbies like natural haircare and journaling/art I still love some of my childhood books and cartoons and collect vintage my little pony and dolls like picrel (not mine). I don't dress or act childish tho. Idk why but it makes me irationally angry to see so many people with similar hobbies sleep in cribs with pacifiers and all… Idk seems freaky

No. 252914

>>252909
No way! Doll collecting has been a huge thing since before sm and the internet in general, being interested in cute and pastel things has also been a huge area of interest since before the bizarre popularizing of ddlg and age-regressing. Maybe check out the book Hello, Cutie by Pamela Klaffke for a quick and easy read on this sort of pasttime of doll collecting and being a huge fan of just… cute things, from a more enthusiastic and levelheaded perspective. Anyways, I'm just reassuring because I've had the fear of being lumped into such a category before, granted my visual interest have changed but I still love dolls and it started getting a bit strange since I love Rushton bears and stuff of that era and nature, but Melanie Martinez' audience started to subsume such interests. Granted she's not ddlg but I imagine a lot of her fanbase indulges. And before that Nicole Dollanganger types, so I get the struggle of a hobby based around appreciating pretty or interesting shit getting lumped into a frustrating scene, and then feeling weird about oneself due to that.

No. 253270

File: 1648844926469.jpg (98.73 KB, 850x480, depressed.jpg)

How do you move on from exes who deeply hurt you yet they've moved on with themselves and are succeeding in every possible avenue of life while you're left to stagnate and rot? It's been three years now and I still cry and regularly fall into bouts of depression whenever I think about everything that happened between us. It also doesn't help that his social media is easily accessible and viewable…

No. 253281

>>252909
No, it makes you a doll collector. Collecting and curating a collection is an adult hobby.

No. 253357

>>253270
Block his socials. Do it. Block them and don’t look at that shit again. Social media is a lie and people post only the “best things” to make themselves look better. Take a hot shower have a hot or coffee. If you have a pet cuddle them. Stay active and get at least 15 minutes in the sun during the day and focus on things outside of you. Do you have a hobby?what are into nonni? You’re a whole person outside of him. You don’t need to live in his reflection or shadow so stop.

No. 253358

>>252663
Look at their lips after you start talking them back up at their eyes. Laugh at their dumb attempts for jokes or light playful negging if you’re more confident. You can lean in in conversations. There’s all kinds of stuff. What’s your vibe nonni?

No. 253359

>>253270
I don’t intend this to sound dismissive, I truly mean it with kindness: You need to be responsible for your own mental health nona. I don’t know all the things this guy did and maybe some were really terrible, but you need to block all his social media and get rid of anything related to him you may still have. Truly cut him off from your life. He may be out of the picture physically but clearly you are still fixated on him and his supposed success rather than your own well being. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing, and if he’s such a vile and bitter person I’m certain that even if he’s externally doing well, inside he likely lives with zero self awareness and doesn’t even know the meaning of real happiness. But those are all matters that should have no bearing on your life anymore. What have you been doing for yourself? Are you at a job you like? Have you been participating in hobbies you enjoy? Do you have any healthy friends you like spending time with? Have you read any books on self esteem and recovering from abuse? This guy taking up so much of your mental space is still him “winning” in a way and you deserve so much better than that. You have to brute force your focus away from him and keep doing it relentlessly until you train your mind to start focusing on the things you can enjoy now over the bad that happened in the past.

No. 253437

how do i make sure i do not scare people away from being my friend? i had hallucinations and ptsd breakdowns, which has scared people away from me. they don't trust me after that, they don't feel safe, want to save their reputation, or simply think i'd be a burden. i am slowly getting back my mental health, and have started a course in a new place where i haven't known anyone yet. there are a few people i am beginning to be friends with already, but i am afraid i will do something weird before i could get on medication. should i tell them, hey, in case i hallucinate, just know that i'm in the process of seeking a schizophrenia diagnosis? or is that too much, and is safer to say, i've been hallucinating lately, but don't worry, i am going to the doctor?

No. 253565

>>253437
Disclose it only if absolutely necessary, and I think you can be even a little more vague, maybe something like "hey, sorry if I do or say something a bit weird sometimes, I've been struggling with my mental health but I'm seeing a specialist and really hope it won't be a bother to you"; and only get into details if the conversation is more intimate and more inviting to get into details? There's a lot of stigma about schizophrenia, not saying you should conceal it completely of course but unless you're in comfortable situation allowing you to sit down with these people and get into in-depth explanation I think it could make some people worry even more since they may not know about this condition anything more than what's shown in horror movies or whatnot.

No. 253613

>>253565
yeah you are right, thank you. it has lots of stigma. i would definitely be vague at first, if even needed. for now it's best to avoid my triggers and keep calm. it might even be dissociative disorder since i can't seem to remember some ptsd attacks that people have remembered. i ended up saying it's a joke at some point which pissed people off even more, but back then i found it better than being pitied or feared.

No. 253639

Anons I might be going to a concert out of state next month (Los Angeles), I'll be there for three days, I've never traveled alone (for fun, that is, outside of work), any advice?? Cool things to do in LA, what to keep on me, etc.?

No. 253978

File: 1649095304918.jpg (34.32 KB, 700x441, 1649068337284.jpg)

How to recover from pick me-ism

I swear I just reek of NLOG energy and with most of my experiences with my peers it's really crazy to admit male approval always felt more comfortable and gratifying than having fun with a woman. The fact I'm pursuing STEM (on the computer science part) and all the women on this fields were born with XY chromosome doesn't make me the most keen to interact with other women. I wonder if I should make a bumble bff account but I'm too autistic and retarded to keep a normal conversation with a woman if not anyone.

I get so much praise from scrotes calling me "based tomboy" and other derivative however I can't help myself but feel tense around other women or when I speak to other women I always feel a sort of intimidating feeling.

Some of my life's context so you can freud armchair me : yes, i was Bullied by the "mean girls" since elementary school (until I changed high school, but in high school ever since today I didn't bother to interact with any women as I was afraid of being bullied again) and it got really ugly. It went down to actual physical assault and death threats. Ever since the trial and recognition as a victim that I have to "pay back" my traumas, I never could leave this sort of premade thought behind me. I do take therapy and all that but I wish I could actually find thoughts that could challenge mine that I can actually believe (and not pretend to)

No. 254668

How do I go about making friends? I don't communicate with my family, I live with my boyfriend and his parents. I am friends with his friends, but I just wish I had friends of my own. It's basically just day in, day out with my bf and whoever at work. I'm the only female where I work. I have looked up book clubs since I like to read adult fiction, but they're too far for me to realistically drive to. I don't live in an area where reading is popular or anything. I'm starting to get depressed over this. Is it awful I want friends of my own?

No. 254673

>>254668
Convert to Islam

No. 254709

does anyone keep befriending like borderline genius males by accident? i dont know why this happens. i always become super envious of them until we mutually ghost it's cringe. one is this 19 yo syrian guy who is getting paid like $45 an hour at his internship in no-cal this summer with housing compensation and transportation 100% covered. second guy is 21 and does penetration testing for the govt, very good at hardware hacking and stuff. finding exploits that let you jailbreak devices such as consoles. he also writes emulators… there have been many other freakishly smart men in my life.

kinda kills me mentally but idk… maybe i just need to git gud. what do you guys think?

No. 254711

>>253978
i know there are cool women in tech but where tf are they LOL

No. 254712

i wish i had a miss ada in my life… she seems cool

No. 254717

>>254709
What exactly is your question here?

No. 254721

>>254709
you need to stop living through other people and work on your own success.

No. 254724

I'm familiar with copyright statutes enough, but I'm curious, if I wanted to use pieces of existing work for art pieces, what percentage starts to be considered litigious? If I wanted to paraphrase something a celebrity said and include a collaged photograph, without stating who it is, would that qualify as lawsuit worthy? Especially if it doesn't frame them in a good light? I assume since most celebrities don't own rights to photographs of themselves they couldn't sue, but what about defamation of character if you take a jab at them in artwork

No. 254725

>>254711
reread my last sentence

No. 254737

>>254724
I mean do you want to sell it?

No. 254739

>>254737
only if someone declares its worth money and doesn't recognize the homages or references

No. 255011

I stumbled upon this jazz trio today and I really liked their music, so after the show I asked them if they had a website so I could order a record. They ended up giving me the guitarist's Instagram, which links to the other members' accounts, but thanks to jazz musicians' tendency to be disorganized as fuck and play in a bunch of different projects I can't really seem to find any clear info on where/when their next performance as a trio might be. Would it be weird to contact one of them and ask? I don't really want to make an Instagram just to DM one of them, but I feel like that might be better than sending an email (even if 2/3 members do have their emails and phone numbers publically available on their websites kek). I don't want to come off as a deranged groupie or in any way flirtatious; I'm a literal sperg and just here for the music.

No. 255023

>>254724
Wouldn'that depend on where you live?

No. 255027

>>255023
Burgerland
Would probably say no more than 30-40% of an original work repurposed idk

No. 255073

I wasn't sure about posting this in the vagina thread or birth control thread so i'm posting this here instead.

I had my cervical screening done last month and the results just came in that i'm HPV positive however I have no abnormal cervical cells and i'm at a low risk of cervical cancer. It says on my letter that i don't need to tell anyone if i dont want to but i want to tell the guy i'm interested in pursuing a relationship with. I've been seeing him for 4 months now, the first time we had sex we did it without protection but since then we have been using a condom. I'm worrying that if i tell him it would put him off me but i dont want keep having sex with him without him knowing…

Should I tell him or hope that it will all blow away by my next test?

I know at some point he's hoping to have sex with me without a condom (and probably when i'm on birth control) but thats a whole other post that I will post about in the birth control thread.

No. 255078

>>251639
honestly you sound a bit weird. are you sure you're not doing this for creepy reasons

No. 255079

>>255073
He probably has HPV too. I’m pretty sure over half of men have HPV but they’re unlikely to know it. I don’t think he’d even understand what you were saying so my advice would be not to say anything.

No. 255080

>>255073
the majority of men have HPV because there's no HPV testing for men, which is fucking bullshit. because technically they come up "clean" but we can develop issues if we catch the malignant strains. anyways he probably won't care but all guys should get gardasil

No. 255087

>>255079
Yeah im going to stay quiet about it mainly because we arent having sex without protection plus its not like we are having sex with anyone else.
>>255080
wait really? First the lack of male of male birth control and now this. Yeah i might aswell stay quiet about it if it doesn't effect him.

No. 255101

>>255073
https://www.bedsider.org/features/1383-pretty-much-everyone-you-know-has-had-hpv
HPV has low-risk and high risk strains, you have the low risk one

No. 255404

I don't know what to do with my life anymore.
I'm in my early thirties. I have money, friends, a career where I'm good at, I'm healthy (I eat really well and I love doing sports) but I have lost interest in doing anything. I have interest in a lot of stuff, I start a lot of hobbies, but I'm not consistent enough to keep doing them. I try, but suddenly months have passed away and I can't go back to doing them.
I had an awful time the last time that I planned vacation for myself because I didn't want to do it but I knew I needed them.
I tried to take a month off of obligations (except from work, but it doesn't stress me it actually distracts me from being sad and entertains me, since I like my job) and just do nothing but nothing has changed, actually, I feel that I got lazier.
I'm forcing myself now into doing anything and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do it.

I have lost interest in dating because I'm tired of the cycle of meeting someone, telling the same stuff to everyone, them trekking me how awesome I am and eventually being ghosted/lied about having a partner. Making new friends to me is really easy, I get along with everyone, but dating ends up being an awful experience.

Yes, I have depression and I'm medicated and I see a therapist once a week.

No. 255408

>>255404
I think it's important to treat your personal relaxation and entertainment time as a responsibility rather than something you could take or leave. If you have trouble taking the responsibility seriously because there's no one to answer to but yourself, then try doing your hobbies with some kind of community. It can hold you accountable to actively work on something. If it's a creative hobby, collaborative projects are great for this, but I recommend you start small, like working on something for a swap or just to bring something to share with the group at a meet-up even if it's still a work in progress. If it's a physical hobby, maybe train with a group to participate in an event you will all attend. A charitable event that benefits a cause you care about should provide a positive pressure to stay motivated if competing isn't your thing. You should even be able to find groups for noncompetitive, non-creative hobbies like reading or gaming, which will provide you a structure for participating, such as getting to a certain point in the same book by a deadline or just playing the game at a meet and practicing your skills beforehand. Lastly don't kick yourself if you don't feel like doing something for a while. It's okay to take a break from a hobby, just make sure you're not taking a break from every hobby at once. Have at least one thing you are focusing on and if you tire of the one you're focused on, shift back to one you've been taking a break from rather than searching for something new. It always feels a little clunky to get back into something if you're out of practice but a few clunky sessions later (with a group if possible) should help you get back in the groove. And remember that the point of the group isn't necessarily to make friends so don't worry too much about whether you really like the company of those people too much. As long as you can get along for the duration of the meet, it's enough.

No. 255433

>>255404
Volunteer (short-term to start) somewhere, since it's a cause bigger than yourself and helps others in need. Write some fanfiction is my shitposty answer since women in their 30s are way better writers than gen Z young adults.

What previous anon said is good too.

No. 255464

File: 1649542940277.gif (2.54 MB, 498x207, i-am-fucking-crazy-but-i-am-fr…)

How to cope with having a weird fetish?
Nobody else is involved and I wouldn't even want to share it with others. I don't purchase anything related to it, watch pornography, or obsess over it to the point that it upsets my life or work. It's just me and the smut I write for myself, which I occasionally share with fellow "fans". I admit that I sometimes waste my free time reading erotica but I think that's a symptom of screen/internet addiction, not a problem with the fetish itself.
I'm obviously not hurting anyone except myself here, but I can't stop feeling guilty and like I'm a bad person for being into something so weird. Like creepy scrote levels of weirdness. I've had the same fixations since I was a child like 3 years old and have tried several times throughout my life to just not think about it, hoping it would go away forever, but it always comes back.
Honestly I don't think I have a choice in my tastes. At this point it's either getting over the shame and embracing my dumb gross fetish, or taking serious strides to rid myself of it like an addict who needs to get clean, or a homo in conversion therapy. Does anyone else struggle with this? I don't know what to do.

No. 255470

>>255464
Could you give a bit more info without fully disclosing what it is? Is the core of your fixation based on a power dynamic? Is it about fixating on how gross, weird, or bizarre it is? Or is it something else entirely?

No. 255479

>>255470
The core of it is about eliciting affection and caretaking and being loved in spite of flaws and failures. I think there is also a power dynamic at play, something about dependency, but that's secondary. I know I called it gross several times, but that's not how I personally feel. I'm just aware that other people would be rightfully weirded out by it, and I seriously believe men with similar tastes should be on a watchlist. I hope this answers your question and doesn't make it more confusing lol

No. 255484

>>255479
Do you want to be taken care of, or to take care of someone?

No. 255485

>>255484
To be taken care of. Sorry, should've mentioned that up front.

No. 255493

>>255485
If you want to try getting over it, then you should scrutinize why you gravitate towards it so much, and try to fulfill your emotional needs in a healthy, nonsexual way. It would help you get over it to do wholesome things where you receive emotional validation, and remove the sexual connotation. Altruism is a good coping mechanism, you can try this by taking care of other people or animals in a way that makes you feel emotionally gratified without fixating on yourself too much. Maybe also try having friends that are more compassionate so they can be there for you, and make you feel taken care of, and understood.

No. 255496

>>255479
If you act so vague I'm just going to assume it's DDLG or babyplay or something.

No. 255500

>>255493
Thank you, that's genuinely good advice. I know that I'm emotionally and socially stunted. I struggle to feel close to people and maintain friendships, and my dynamic with the friends I do have always seems to lack something. It's good to know that even if I haven't had any luck in this area, I can try volunteering too. I think I'd really enjoy that.
>>255496
What, do you want me to confirm or deny? Would that change your advice?

No. 255508

I was in a really shitty situation where I had a huge falling out with two friends- I'd known them for less than half a year but we became close fairly quickly. unfortunately, I shared a few mutual friendships with them and as a result of the fallout, both of them tried to get our mutual friends to cut contact with me. they managed to force one of our mutual friends into doing so but I'm still good friends with the rest. I'm still incredibly angry with the two of them even though I've been on the outs with them almost longer than I was friends with them. I guess my question for everyone is- how do I let go?

I have no desire for "revenge" or anything but I'm still angry and very upset about the mutual friend who cut me off (they didn't tell me that they thought I was a bad person or anything, just that they didn't think things would get back to normal between us). objectively the two people aren't "good" people by any means, they're incredibly cruel and malicious (one of them told another one of our mutual friends that they "deserved to know how pathetic they were" over petty mutual beef) but I'm still upset over what happened. has anyone else been in a similar situation? how did you guys move on?

No. 255518

>>255508
I ended up leaving 'em all. One friend still hung around (this is all online btw so take it with a whole saltshaker full of salt) but then a few years ago he finally vanished. But now I've got a new group of online pals and I don't really mind. The world's full of people, anon, it's okay if you're not friends with all of them. Besides, sometimes leaving a group will cause people to miss you and want to follow after you (not tryna sound like a narc).

No. 255726

sorry if this is a super autistic question, how old is too old to ask your parents for a birthday present? I'm turning 23 this year and I wanted to ask my parents a new knife set but I don't know if it's appropriate at my age lol

No. 255773

>>255508
Allow yourself to miss their company, if you do. Then remember the shitty shit they did.

No. 255778

How do you silence your inner critic?

I feel like self-hate is my default mindset and only on occasions can I move towards a neutral mindset. I usually get these critical thoughts when it comes to my hobbies (they are stupid and childish, I am stupid for engaging in these things and most importantly I suck at them)

No. 255788

>>255778
The only advice I've really come across for this is to get into the habit of countering it by saying nice things about yourself. Saying soothing phrases. Basically saying the shit you would say to a friend who was doubting herself. Writing it down is meant to be good too.

The hard part is that it takes a lot of repitition and you have to very consciously do it for a long time before it sticks and happens on its own. There's usually reasons why we have very negative self talk and it starts in chuldhood so it's an ongoing effort to keep on top of anything that's rooted that deep.

I have hobbies that are childish too. I call them that but mostly I say it because I know how other view it. Deep down I don't feel shame but then I guess we build up defenses for other people to hear. Like on here I'll call myself dumb at the beginning of a post just to shut up anyone who feels the need to say it for me lol.

No. 255790

File: 1649680093997.jpg (69.96 KB, 550x823, 550x823.jpg)

>>255778
Pirate this book and read it, it tackels exactly what you're talking about. Some anon recommended this ages ago, like two years ago at this point, so I read it and it really helped me improve my thinking patterns. It's not an instant fix and you need to work on it but ime it does work if you're willing to put in the effort.

No. 255796

>>255726
I don’t think I’ve openly asked my parents for birthday gifts since I was a teenager. They still ask me what I want when my birthdays coming up (26) but I think that’s because all my other siblings are married by now and they have spouses to give them gifts, so my parents feel bad.

No. 255797

>>255778
For me it started with being aware of how often I thought bad things about myself. Then I wouldn’t let myself go there, forcing my head to change the subject if I started thinking about it. Once I got out of the habit of jumping to negative thoughts it became much easier to be compassionate to myself. These days I feel like I’m a pretty good advocate for myself on the inside, but it took years to get to that point.

No. 255802

>>255726
I guess it depends on your family dynamic honestly? I'm 25 and my parents ask me what I'd like to be gifted every year and I ask them what they'd like to receive for their birthdays too. If you have asked for a specific gift up until now and your parents have seemed comfortable with it, I'd say go for it.

No. 256046

>>1035019
I posted this in one of the vent threads couple months ago, tldr (or the link didnt work) but my bf doesnt make me feel wanted sexually often as I would like.
Today we were watchin breaking bad and theres a scene where hank is paraplegic and marie is out running countless errands for him and being a good wife and it shows hank at home getting ready to watch porn. My bf was like "oh hank" in a disappointed way and we started talking about it and basically I ended up asking him if he ever watched porn when I wasn't around. He said he had but he was very embarrassed and whined for us to stop talking about it. I was surprised, not because of the porn but because he has been acting like his sex drive is low because of depression lately. We used to have sex almost every day with logistics permitting, but we maybe do once every two weeks now. I am and have always been upfront about my sexuality and I try to stay humble and just ask him for sex and to pursue me (as easily as I can without feeling like he's only doin g it for my sake). I try to be respectful of his lower sex drive so when he said that maybe once a month since weve been living together, he looks at porn I was like wtf. I dont feel like every sexual experience one has should be for your partner. But if I am essentially begging to be included in his sex life I don't like that he used porn and hid it from me. I even pointed out I could have provided the visual he needed like if I had made nudes and videos for him. But he said he wasnt considering his porn use to be serious enough to do anything like that and said he understands why Im offended but I dont really think he does.

Also shout out to nonnie who said I would be asking for breakup advice in a few months lol
I didnt believe it then.
As we left things currently, he pleaded with me to stop talking about the porn thing because hes too embarrassed to endure talking about it with anyone so I gave it a rest. But I still want to ask him more about it. He has never mentioned using or liking any type of porn whatsoever so Im hella curious about what he even watches. Also before anyone comes at me, I do assume that almost all men look at porn and I know theyre all degenerates but the reason my bf surprised me is because I literally used to make porn and have been very open with him in the past with what kind of porn I admire, the porn I like when I did use to watch porn (havent in years now) the kind of porn I used to make, offered him nudes or vids soooo many times, and was generally nonjudgemental about the whole porn subject. But he acted as if he had no interest, no preference toward it. So his deep shame I guess is more of the surprise to me. Which is also why Im hella suspicious of what he likes to watch.

Advice 'nons?

No. 256065

File: 1649795297586.jpg (30.22 KB, 600x600, ohno.jpg)

>>256046
farmhands plz delet this i meant to post in relationship advice

No. 256067

>>256046
He's actively keeping secrets from you, ignoring your concerns, and shutting you out. What advice do you expect besides "dump him"? The fact that he's so ashamed of it makes me think it's something incredibly weird, probably something that you've already stated you're uncomfortable with. I don't believe that partners should know every single thing about each other, but this is clearly impacting your relationship for the worst.
If there's any hope for you two, he needs to be honest and up front with you. Give him an ultimatum— he needs to come clean about what he's watching and then stop watching it. If he refuses, then the truth would probably ruin the relationship anyway. Dump him.

No. 256093

>>256046
This is beyond retarded. It doesn't matter if he's addicted in the is getting ED early way, if it's impacting his ability to have sex with you, it's too much. It's infecting you in terms of how you're having sex.

No. 256104

File: 1649806872913.jpg (97.41 KB, 827x1291, Tumblr_l_261613042611920.jpg)

I agreed to go out with a guy but I don't want to have sex. Not just with him, but with anyone. I don't even want to kiss, I just want to cuddle. I have to break up with him I think. I feel like I made a huge mistake. How do I break up with him? What do I tell him? I don't know why I made this mistake, I wanted companionship but dating doesn't exist without sex so I don't know what I was thinking.

No. 256106

>>256104
You don't have to give him an in-depth reason nona, just say you've realized you're not in the right place for a relationship so you can no longer go out with him but you wish him all the best. That's all.
>dating doesn't exist without sex
Asexual people would say otherwise? Maybe just be upfront about that in any later interactions

No. 256108

>>256106
Well we went on a few dates and I thought it was going well but now he's talking about how he wants to kiss me all over and how I'm sexy and I feel like if I told him now, "Actually I don't want any of that please," he'd feel betrayed. Maybe rightfully so. I was naive enough to think this was going to remain cute and cozy but I should have set my expectations realistically.

I guess I will just find it in me to tell him it can't work, I just feel nervous and terrible. I'm 100% letting him down big time and I did like him as a person. (Ever since he started saying sexual things I stopped liking him. They're not even really inappropriate things, I just have such visceral disgust for sex that anybody who expresses this stuff becomes gross to me.)

No. 256110

>>256108
>now he's talking about how he wants to kiss me all over and how I'm sexy
Ew. You've done nothing wrong, he's just being a sexpest and overstepping boundaries. I wouldn't expect to hear that from someone I'd only been on a few dates with either. Even if I was attracted to him physically, that's the sort of thing you say once you're in an established relationship, not to someone you barely know. It's one thing if a woman starts talking sexually and explains upfront she wants to jump in bed early, but any man who does this is just showing his ass and that he's looking for a hookup, not a relationship.
>I'm 100% letting him down big time
Boohoo, the poor scrote. Trust me he'll be perfectly fine and if he blows up at you that's only proof he wasn't a good person and you dodged a bullet. The burgeoning relationship is not entirely on his terms, you're half of the equation and are allowed to have your preferences regarding how fast you move as well. Most men are disappointing. If you want a (happy) relationship, get used to rejecting those who don't meet your standards. There's nothing mean and evil about moving on from someone who you find out is not a good match for you, that's literally the point of dating.

No. 256135

>>256108
Nona don't feel bad about "letting him down" you're not, that's how dating works. You date to figure out if you're right for each other. You figured out he's not right for you so you're breaking up. You didn't enter a marriage agreement lol. He'll quickly move on.

No. 256230

I think some of the people who live above me are tossing their cigarette butts onto my balcony, but I'm not sure if it's intentional. In the past two weeks I've counted four, which isn't a lot but is enough to call a pattern. What can I do about it, since I'm not even sure which unit it is?

No. 256247

>>256108
Noni I’m not you and I’m not trying to groom you. But I’m an autismo that gets sex repulsed. If someone is doing what he’s doing even if I’m into them. I am grossed out. My current partner is the only one I’ve ever been sexually attracted to and it wasn’t until my mid twenties and anytime we’re having issues or I’m stressed I’m repulsed all over again. I’m sensitive but the thing is my partner is always respectful. He never shames me or pushes. I say what’s happening and for days or weeks or whatever we just cuddle and hold hands. No sex. You did nothing wrong. He’s being a groomy creep.

No. 256339

Is there anything I can do about anger issues? (punching the wall, broke bedroom door, punching myself and leaving bruises, biting myself, screaming, hyperventilating, etc). I've never attacked anyone or had a public freakout. I just wait until I'm alone before I lose my shit.

I already exercise to try to mitigate the aggression. I should also add I only get extremely angry about ten to seven days before my period. I don't even feel human during this time, I feel like a demon.

No. 256362

>>256339
At least you don't subject other people to the rage-outs like a scrote. DBT is usually the most recommended for issues like this as it helps you redirect your thoughts and energy as you feel yourself about to burst. Try something like The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by McKay, it's on libgen.

No. 256365


No. 256407

>>256339
My case sounds somewhat milder than yours, but maybe it will help you too, my therapist recommended I yell into and beat up a pillow, it will exhaust you just as most of the other coping mechanisms but wont be physically harmful.
If possible though, you maybe should look into seeing a psychiatrist about it someday

No. 256553

I asked for advice here on how to quit weed and I’ve been clean from it for 3 weeks so thanks!! But now I’m dealing with leaving my shit head boyfriend who threatens to kill everyone in his life who did him wrong (including me) and it’s a lot. I have an escape plan but I’m literally starting from square one. I quit my job quietly and now I just need to get to my destination intact. What should my first order of business besides getting another job and place should be. Who am I holy shit sorry if this is a lot.

No. 256590

>>256553
I'm sorry this has happened to you nonna but I'm glad you are trying to get out of there. I'd say the first step before you get a place is to get in contact with some friends/family if possible and maybe stay with them for a short time? Even if for whatever reason you can't stay with them, letting someone close to you know what's going on with that psycho is essential imo purely for your safety. If he's threatening to kill you as well as other people, that is also more than enough for you to seek help from some womens shelters or emergency abuse resources. I don't know what country you're in of course but most places have emergency helplines or assistance to women in need of safety like that. So basically, let your family or friends know if possible, and also ring up some womens help places and explain what is going on. I hope things get better for you. I wish I could say also ring the police but tbh they are fucking useless when it comes to womens safety, so I would highly recommend the womens shelters or anything like that in your area instead.

No. 256754

What does it mean when you lose weight even though you aren't exercising or restricting your diet? Is it a disease or something?

No. 256809

>>256754
Your weight and body appearance fluctuates throughout the day depending on if you've had a meal, a BM, etc. But if it's a significant amount of weight, it's possible you could be sick. It could also be that you're not getting enough nutrition from your diet, or that you've lost muscle from inactivity. Best to get checked by a doctor just in case you are sick, especially if your weight loss has been rapid.

No. 256908

Does have any advice for managing eczema and sensitive skin on a night out? In general I have it under control, but whenever I go on a night out my skin always look horrendous. I think its a combination of alcohol, temperature changes (cold smoking area and boiling hot club), wearing more makeup and being more expressive than usual. I end up with red blotchy skin and redness and fine lines around my eyes and mouth. Other than avoiding these obvious triggers, is there any way I can still enjoy going out without looking like I'm having a severe allergic reaction?

No. 256913

>>256908
Does your nose also get stuffy? Could be alcohol intolerance in that case. I developed that at some point in life and I rarely drink now, it's just not pleasing anymore.

No. 256914

>>256908
I don’t think it’s eczema. From your description it sounds like alcohol flush. For makeup advice to conceal it I think this can help
https://getsunset.com/blogs/news/asian-flush-makeup-and-creams

No. 256915

>>256914
>A lot of people, after getting discouraged in their flush-fighting efforts, will recommend taking crazy actions, like just giving up alcohol forever or other such non-sense.
Disgusting immoral money-grabbers.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2659709/
>The Alcohol Flushing Response: An Unrecognized Risk Factor for Esophageal Cancer from Alcohol Consumption
>few are aware of the accumulating evidence that ALDH2-deficient individuals are at much higher risk of esophageal cancer (specifically squamous cell carcinoma) from alcohol consumption than individuals with fully active ALDH2. This is particularly unfortunate as esophageal cancer is one of the deadliest cancers worldwide [3], with five-year survival rates of 15.6% in the United States, 12.3% in Europe, and 31.6% in Japan

Such a crazy action, to protect yourself from cancer

No. 256917

>>256913
>>256914
It's definitely eczema, although it could be triggered by a form of alcohol intolerance; I already have eczema and when I go out it gets worse. The redness isn't in a normal blushing way, it's in a sensitive dry rashy way. If I drink at home, I get slightly warm and flushed but I don't get more eczema-y. Its more a combination of all the triggers of a night out.

No. 256922

>>256917
>The redness isn't in a normal blushing way, it's in a sensitive dry rashy way.
Anon with alcohol intolerance here, this is exactly how it is for me. It gets painful too, and the deep lines form.
You probably just drink more when you're out so the symptoms are stronger. It's not a combination of factors. It's the alcohol.
But don't just take me for granted, try not drinking at all on a night out and see how your face reacts then. After that experiment you can better decide what to do.

No. 256925

>>256922
Ahh… yeah that sounds right. Oh well, I was hoping for a different explanation but I'll try the experiment. Do you avoid alcohol completely? Is there any way around it other than complete avoidance? I drink socially and it wouldn't be difficult to give it up, just a bit disappointing.

No. 256928

>>256925
Not completely, I'll often have a glass of beer when I'm dining out.
I don't think there is a way around it unfortunately. We're missing an important enzyme.

No. 256947

>>256915
Why is it actually so socially unacceptable to not drink? People often assume you're a former addict or a religious nutjob if you don't drink.

No. 256962

>>256947
Because most people use alcohol as a cope for stress or anxiety to ease situations and tensions. So you not doing so can make them feel called out and puts them on a weird counter defense where they have to find something wrong with you instead of accepting people can just make different choices and we don’t live in a dichotomy.

No. 256973

File: 1650215033655.gif (2.19 MB, 640x512, spooky-scary.gif)

Any tips for gaining weight while not having appetite? I don't really feel hunger and sometimes forget to eat. When I eat I can only eat small portions and then get sick if I force myself to eat more. It started by being stressed/depressed like 6 years ago and never went away. I'm very skelly and would like to gain so that I have more energy, fuller face and curves. Anyone ever fought with this and found a good way to increase weight and appetite? Sometimes I finally gain a bit, then get just a little bit busy, stressed, change environment or sleep less and get to severe underweightness with no appetite again. I try to exercise but it's hard when my body is basically starved.

No. 256975

>>256973
What helped me was making high calorie shakes. They are way easier to get down than actual food, and you can easily sip on them while distracting yourself with something else. Use high calorie ingredients such as milk, peanut butter, nuts, avocado, dark chocolate, full fat greek yogurt. And don't forget the protein powder and fruits for nutrition/vitamins.

No. 256982

I've gotten into the habit of Googling myself and do it every day now. I'm convinced that I will never look impressive or successful enough, and all I do is compare myself to other people, including those who I am close with. It's starting to become exhausting. I know it's neurotic but have any nonas dealt with something similar? How do I stop?

No. 256992

>>256982
Insall a website blocker and specifically block the url that's generated when you google yourself? It doesn't solve the source of your problem but at least it stops you from browsing there thoughtlessly.

No. 257000

I blocked someone who used to be my good friend. She’s become schizophrenic but won’t accept treatment. She started accusing me of weird shit and sending me scary messages and finally I blocked her phone number so she can’t text or call me.

She sent me an email asking if everything’s ok. It’s better to not respond, right?..

No. 257008

>>257000
Don't respond. Even if she was healthy, she's still overstepping a boundary by continuing to contact you through other means when you've already blocked her elsewhere.

No. 257012

>>256992
That's an interesting thought, thanks nona!

No. 257013

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No. 257019

>>256975
That sounds great. What kind of protein powder would you use? I always had ones that had very strong flavor, doesn't it taste bad in a shake/smoothie with other ingredients?

No. 257103

>>256973
You should probably go to a doctor and get your hormones and thyroid checked.

No. 257429

any greek nonitas here that can help me? what do you wear for a greek wedding? thank you in advance!!

No. 257552

New thread here: >>>/g/257551



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