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Last thread >>407188
what's troubling you, anon?
Saw this really beautiful insta model and got severely depressed as I continued to scroll and notice that she's got the natural features of a goddess. She doesn't photoshop either; you can tell if you look in other people's photos with her that she just wears light mascara and maybe foundation.
I guess it just fucks me up that even if I were to put on makeup and do everything in my power to look good (which I have), I'd never be on the same level as her. I wish my genetics could have been as kind to me as they were to her. Wish I could be desirable and attractive.
I used to think like you but then I actually met some "naturally perfect" girls from instagram and… They also edit their photos. Even when they preach body positivity and being real.
Instagram is a platform for people to posture how much their life is better than everyone else's I've come to realise.
If it's any solace, some people are just normal looking but very photogenic. Even without photoshop/facetune there's many ways to manipulate your looks with angles, lighting, etc.
I used to know a girl who would brag about being a model (translation: had rich parents who would pay photographers to take pictures of her). She was tall and skinny but had a very normal, average face. Not ugly or anything, just a really dime a dozen normal white girl face. One day I actually saw her modeling photos on instagram and almost spat out my drink because it looked absolutely nothing like her. If someone stumbled upon her social media you'd probably think she's some stunning 10/10 model when in real life she was gangly and plain. 2D photos can be deceiving.
Thanks anons for your words. She so happens to be a (seemingly) sweet person and insanely talented at art too and I guess I just had a 'wtf how are you perfect' kind of moment. But of course it could just be fabricated like you all said.>>414795
I don't browse instagram at all, I saw her photo in a youtube video and got interested and looked her up. Chill.
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Here you go.https://www.instagram.com/aikuros/
Pic related is the most unflattering image of her I could find IMO. I had to scroll quite a bit to find it and now that I really look at it, I guess she is just good at taking advantages of angles.
That was very obviously run through meitu.
Is this a selfpost…?
NTA but that's so weird and interesting for me to hear because I remember seeing >>414876
ages ago and being really jealous of how perfect she was but not knowing who she was at all. She still looks super pretty but yeah I can see now that her less edited photos are more normal looking.
How is she depressingly pretty when she's objectively just average physically? She aint even that succesful unless I just don't know who she is. She also wears makeup to the point she looks drastically different, so not really natural. And then another thing is that she, while likely too brainlet to use photoshop, uses meitu or some shit and it shows, as it always does. Unless you're actually only using it to zap a few pimples away, which most don't since it is addicting (been there done that) and they and the rest of the brainlet world thinks it looks convincing…but then again it doesn't require much skills.
If you hate reading posts with many sentences just skip to this part: you're insecure and autistic to be frank and need to go outside more.
Piggy backing my vent off that anon who posted the pretty girl upthread: I went to grade school with a girl who looked pretty similar and as we grew up, I was always insanely jealous of just how much… better her skin was, nicer her clothes were, and just how much prettier she was. I haven't entirely moved past it despite learning to take care of my skin and buy clothes that suit me better and overall accepting my faults but also working with the (good) cards that I've been dealt.
We had weird sort of falling out a long, long time ago over some dumb small shit. I always felt like she was playing some holier than thou card with me, and lowkey belittling me (saying things like "your fashion choices on (mmo game we used to play together) are so good, but you don't dress (as fashionably) like it irl" or "i only ever wear an outfit ONCE. i would never wear it twice" and as we got older and i really got a sense of how to dress myself better, her compliments were still sort of lowkey backhanded like "wow you dress so much nicer now!" I'm sure she didn't mean it that way, but I sure took it that way lol.
To that anon, it's entirely camera angles and apps. Sure, there's some natural beauty in there too somewhere, but I don't think she's entirely flawless. Also, not to racebait, but she does look really similar to my childhood friend. To some extent, all these ig influencers start to blur together and look really similar to each other, play the same camera tricks, and use make up to accentuate the same features. They're undoubtably pretty, but they're a dime a dozen in a sea of ig models. Don't feel bad anon. There's always people who will also find you pretty too.
anon she wears a shit ton of makeup in all her photos. she's still pretty but she definitely isn't makeupless in her photos, or even particularly natural. i was expecting something totally different.>>414841>>414844
same as you guys. people shit on not being sober but literally i cannot take care of myself or take care of things when not 'medicated'/high. i just feel so defeated and completely drained when sober and it contributes to me neglecting myself. i hate that society sees people who use pharmaceuticals or self medicates to quell their depression as being 'unmotivated druggies', when literally i am FAR more unmotivated without them.
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>Mfw some dude tells me the real theme of The Virgin suicides is a father who has lost his masculinity
Stop caring if they care.
Be firm and tell them you don't give a shit what they think.
1) what a horrible bitch, sounds like she uses too much twitter.
2) he'd be a cute girl if he had hair.
I hope you know that this is more common than you think. I myself am in a similar situation and I'm trying to do something with my life, despite not having had the best foundation.
Good thing is you're actually self-aware and want to change; that's the best start right there!
Don't be too harsh on yourself, even when you make mistakes. You'll get better at things, and you're so young so if you keep that attitude, I'm sure things will only get better!
Wish you good luck!
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i am in a very happy, stable, loving relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years now and i still have thoughts of how i want to be sexual with a teacher i was close with in high school and a professor at my uni who is unmarried.
it's the one thing i don't tell anyone irl. my friends know i'm a degenerate but they don't know how deep it goes. i always agree that cheating is a terrible thing to do, even thinking about it is awful; why do i have to be the person who has cheating tendencies? i find my boyfriend super hot, incredibly sweet and charming, but it's long distance, and i hate being such an attention whore on the inside. i can't stop fantasizing about men who have authority over me taking advantage and i hate that i get off to it.
My boyfriend is hanging out with a girl who stole a guy from me 5 years ago. It was a total shock that he even knew her cause I haven’t seen her in those past 5 years, he invited her to his house to drink with his friends because his friend is into her. I know rationally that my boyfriend likes me, wouldn’t leave me for her, and I should have faith that she’s matured in the past 5 years, however there’s a part of me that can’t stop thinking about how every guy would have chosen her over me then and probably now. I couldn’t stop looking at her social media and she puts way more effort into her appearance and is always wearing makeup and cute clothes and has a lot of piercings and tattoos, while I usually dress more casually and now I feel fuck ugly. I know he invited her cause his friend is into her, but he originally said that friend was bringing her and then my bf added that he personally invited her in person today cause she came into the store my bf works at. I won’t be there because I wasn’t planning on drinking and everyone else is, i can’t crash at his place if I do drink, and it’s a pretty far drive home. I know I’m being completely irrational and I should trust my boyfriend and I do, but I don’t trust her and this just ruined my fucking day. I didn’t even realize I was like, high school levels of insecure at this point in my life which is making me feel even worse that I feel so bad about this.
I can relate, my bf is friend with the girl that used to be touted as being the most gorgeous girl of his school, she has a beautiful face and a great body since she does a lot of sports. Before he and I dated he would talk about her a lot with his friends, not mentioning her by name, she was just "the hottest girl at school", him and another dude would brag about being friend with her, and how the other guys at their school were green with envy. He even mentioned he was sexting with her during a party, and implied she sent him nudes, without letting us read the texts. Just thinking about it make me feel insecure af.
Now that we're dating he literally never talks about her in those terms, the only time he mentioned her to me was to talk about a business she's starting, and I think that's the standards you should have with your bf to, he needs to respect you.
Samefag, someone who called her female believes the same things I do about the fact that trans people should pass and she called him transphobic and now I should not say anything because she's literally dumped him from her life and is now going to rely on me and I'm fucking angry because I can't say anything otherwise I'll lose everything I've worked hard for in this friendship
I thought this was a girl who identified as a girl when I met her but idk how long it's been like this but the moment I mention that I don't think this shit is real it's going to make somebody pop a vein
I'm a terrible person when it comes to walking on eggshells and I feel like I'm going to say something wrong and fuck up the entire relationship, it's not like I dislike this person but I'm not sure I can handle this influx of identity politics, I can't leave now and I feel trapped, fucking help me
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My boyfriend and I got into a fight last night for the first time.
He's constantly jumping me and trying to fuck but I never engage because I don't want to do that stuff so early in the relationship. I tell him to stop and to "stop smothering me" because I'm clearly uncomfortable but he would keep doing it.
Eventually the night came along and I would still refuse to fuck and he got pissed off. He started rambling and I stared quietly at what he had to say, saying that he felt disgusting and unwanted because I would never reciprocate. I explained to him that I'm not that type of girl that gets into bed so soon. He tells me that I've been giving him mixed signals but to me it was pretty clear, I apologize. He gets mad again and goes on rambling, eventually saying something along the lines of:
>"then what the fuck are you doing in my home then? get out!"
I started crying and he finally calmed down a bit. I had to go home so we were about to go downstairs and usually he walks me down to wait for the bus stop. He seemed to not want to go down with me so I try to kiss him goodbye and he dodged his head.
As I walk to the elevator I start crying but then he opens his door and runs out to go down with me and SLAMS his hand on the button.
I felt so bad… but thinking back… this is so fucking unfair. What did I do wrong here? His intentions are clearly wrong.
>>415288>saying that he felt disgusting and unwanted because I would never reciprocate
Sounds like he memorised the right buzzwords and is saying them to make you feel bad.
There's never anything wrong with not wanting to have sex, but your reasons are particularly easy to understand, even for a horny man. What you're saying about his behavior makes me think he's just being manipulative and faking strong emotions to guilt you into having sex.
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I think I've been spending way to much time on /r/femcel and the pink pill thread. Whenever I look at a guy all I can think 'are you a pornsick sexist nice guy'. Femcels has also made me feel ugly for the first time in my life and I can't stop obsessing over my looks now. I should take a long break from those sites.
Uhhh… I'm not usually one to go "dump him" any time a boy isn't perfect, but please don't stay with him, anon. The red flags are pretty instense and he honestly spunds like a psycho. >>415302
I promise you there are truly good men in the world, just proceed with caution and don't ignore red flags.
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My medication is making me gain a little bit of weight and lots of bloating, it is quickly going to throw me into my ED again. I feel disgusting and I can't talk to any of my friends about it. I feel alone.
both i guess>>415227
idk if the opportunity presented itself… not sure i'd say no.
Also, saying "sorry for the accent, just ask again if you don't understand something teehee"
doesn't excuse you from being terrible at lecturing.
Some have been at the same post for a few years and still barely speak the language.
And while the HR that hired them is at fault, so are they for accepting it. If you're barely understood, then how dare you to accept the job you won't be able to perform decently? Fuck you.
I once had a professor from Africa (don't know which country exactly) who couldn't even speak normal german well try to lecture us in medieval german. Needless to say you couldn't understand one thing.
Why do you hire somebody like that? How did that guy qualify and why did he think it's a good idea to study that in the first place?
I also wouldn't do mandarin for 1 year and then decide "Hey, why don't I try to study how people in China spoke a 1000 years ago - and then I could go to there and teach them!".
>>415522> I once had a professor from Africa (don't know which country exactly) who couldn't even speak normal german well try to lecture us in medieval german.
That's so infuriating and insulting. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm studying IT so I can always connect the dots myself, but to have someone incompetent lecture you a language where knowing it is essential, is so much worse.
The worst part is that you're afraid to complain because everyone has to be nice to each other at unis.
I can't imagine what kind of audacity one needs to have with that skill level and think, "Oh, I can totally teach now."
You put time, money, and energy into a course and you get this utter shit quality. I'm thinking of filing an anonymous complaint which probably won't change anything, but I'm so furious.
The international students absolutely do get fuck over.
One of my professors was some elderly man from Morocco. He spoke little to no English (which was our language of teaching in that course) and his French was also busted as hell. He would try to explain financial equations by saying "THIS is THIS", gesturing and yelling really loudly the same thing he said before when someone asked him what he means or did not understand. He wanted to be the "boss" 100% of the time and would treat the non-Moroccan female students harshly, slam their exam papers against the table and talk down to them in a very rude manner. He had typos in his slides all the time, and for our final exam he actually went around all the exam rooms, interrupting the exam, to tell us that one of the exam questions was wrong because he forgot to double-check it. Of course he didn't care if people got that wrong, he still failed half of us. He allowed blatant cheating from Moroccan students but watched the rest of us like a hawk and failed students that cheated.
When we complained to the administration they said it was not their job to assure quality of teaching and said they would look into it. Which of course they did not.
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i lowkey think that my bf doesn't really care about me anymore? it's kind of a weird feeling because i used to care about it so much before, but being in a relationship for almost 6 years i dont really feel anything towards it. it kinda sucks though, since everytime i point out that he hasn't been very caring, or if i tell him that i'm sad or whatever, he just says "oh dont get upset at me" and honestly fjdsjkf im tired of it, i dont know what to tell him, and i dont have the energy or care to tell him that he needs to stop doing that. ive been sick for the past few days with a cough and cold and he doesn't even bother asking me how i'm feeling or whatever. he just goes on his phone in the morning and kind of stays like that until i say something, and then the first thing he worries about is if I'm upset at him or not. haha ok great :\\\\\\ just gonna go and drink some nyquil in the morning so i don't have to be awake to deal with this. it doesn't help that he has a phone addiction too, but is in denial and idk what to do at this point. the only time that he isn't like this is when he is around other people other than me.
Holy shit, I thought I had it bad.
Couldn't you all like do some joint complaint? We're talking here about blatant sexism and discrimination based on nationality.
> He had typos in his slides all the time
Yes, I forgot to add this to my initial vent as well. Sometimes the assistants and mentors manage to spellcheck first, but that's not always the case.
Similar thing happened to me anon.
In grad school this landlord advertised a room for rent midway into the year, and I needed my own place for the spring semester. What I didn't know was that he was sticking me into a place with two undergrad boys, who low key were pissed off at the situation as they wanted to move their own friend into my room but couldn't do it because they'd given the landlord grief.
They already had it out for me and were looking for ways to drive me out.
We got along at first. I cleaned and cooked group meals a lot. Consistently. They would clean every now and then but very shoddily at that.
As the semester progressed I got busier or just more tired so my presence cleaning and cooking started to diminish. The boys got extremely entitled and bitchy like a flip of a switch.
They argued because I didn't have as many classes as them, and had mentioned that my classes were easy, that I should pick up their slack and I had no excuse.
I was actually very overwhelmed with the school work plus my own part time job.
They were very messy boys, and would often get high and binge on food and leave a sink full of dishes for someone like me to clean.
I was overweight at the time but had a stomach hernia that caused me to be unable to eat normal amounts of food. Most days I could only have jello or applesauce. The boys would have their munchie binge and fill up the sink. Then if they found one of my water glasses or my jello spoons, they'd try to gaslight me into doing ALL of them. Accused me of having some amount of dishes in their pile therefore I should just do them. Fatty=make more dirty dishes, nice logic. Except they were cunts and had no clue about the medical shit I was going through to realize that their lies wouldn't work on me.
When I refused to do what was rightfully their work they'd bully me, and it was always two against one.
They hated me by the end of the lease because I refused to be their maid.
I was so torn between just wanting to let shit go in the communal areas like the bathroom and kitchen, but then I wouldn't have had a nice and clean bathroom and kitchen.
What I hate most is how I go out of my way to keep up standards and contribute meaningfully in the domicile, but the second I have a bad week or two the slobs who don't do shit become affronted. Isn't it funny how the people who never do shit are always the first to notice?
damn, what shitstains. Cleaning and cooking aside… I would hate to live with men. Not that girls are any better as roommates - I've had only one decent girl-roommate in 4 years span - but living with men would make me so uncomfortable mentally, idk.
I wish I could finally live on my own. I'm the laziest person when it comes to working, but I seriously can't wait to graduate and get a proper job so I can afford to rent some tiny studio and don't deal with people
I’ve been thinking a lot about my late grandmother these past few weeks.
I turned 24 on the 19th and I had a dream that she was talking to me but I can’t remember what she said.
I don’t have any friends and most of my family are crazy or we are estranged due to divorce and lifestyle differences, so it’s just me and my grandfather. My grandmother was my best friend.
This time of the year is hard for me as she died on June 6th and there’s always an air of sadness to normally what should be a happy time.
At night I think about her and I look up at the stars and I hope she found peace, if there’s such a thing. Her breast cancer had returned and spread all over her upper abdomen, and she died being able to barely breathe from the tumors on her throat and chest.
I wasn’t there the night she died as I couldn’t deal with seeing her suffocating. I spend most of my time with her anyway cooking and being moral support before she died and was taken into hospice.
I don’t like to think about it but I realize that my life is pretty empty without her. I don’t speak to my dad because of how he treated my mom and I, my aunt is crazy, my cousin who was basically my sibling is an alcoholic loser, and I have never been close to my grandparents on my father’s side, his sister, or their three kids. My little cousin on my dad’s side was one of the kids shot at North Park Elementary, and I thought about reaching out to them when I found out but decided not to as there’s so much bad blood between us.
My grandmother was my only friend. We would talk for hours. She understood me like very few people ever really do. I never had to explain myself or apologize to her, she just loved me for who I was. I could cry to her and be angry about my shitty dad and she never judged me like everyone else in the family did. She made life a little bit more bearable. She was my moral support and someone I could always go to when I was frustrated and everyone blew off my concerns/issues as attention seeking or being too sensitive.
I feel like I’ve lost my way in life without her. I don’t know if I am doing the right thing with my life, my education, or my career. I’ve been wondering what she would say to me now if I told her all the things that I’ve gone through since she’s died? I don’t really talk about my emotions with anyone else because even with my mom, people dismiss it all as exaggeration or not a big deal.
I wish I could talk to her and ask her what I should do. I’m so conflicted about my life and I have had to do a lot on my own without a lot of support behind me. I know I’m a lot stronger as a person but I also feel like that has come at the expense of something else. I’m afraid I am missing out on opportunity, but I’m often at a loss as to how to find it.
Sorry for the sad posting.
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how come I fall asleep as soon as I get on a bus, no matter how cramped or hot or smelly or painful seats, but when I'm laying in a nice, comfy bed but it's slightly too warm I can toss and turn into the next year huh
I'm sorry, anon. You sound like you really love your grandma. The thing to remember is that you guys obviously shared a lot of love and were there for each other, and really, being that we can only do so much for cancer, at least she's no longer suffering.
I know what it's like to not have family/estranged family, and it is very isolating. It's especially tough dealing with loved ones when your family is so small, and it is obviously feeling lost without them and knowing your life still has to go on without them when they are/were such a huge part of your life.
Maybe you should look into seeing a therapist? I know it's no consolation or anything close to a grandma that loves you and listens, but other than friends, honestly, when you have a family that is dismissive, you have to be very careful with the emotional energy you expend and a therapist isn't as likely to potentially break you down in moments of vulnerability.
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>Tfw my husband is a narcissist
I'm just getting tired of him honestly. I shared with him feelings about my eating disorder(which I don't have now I'm at a healthy weight) and he tells me "you should study something to put more purpose in your life. You're worried about something only kids think about" which isnt wrong but I felt that was insensitive to say to someone opening up to you. Then I asked him "well, what if you were depressed and I told you to just study to make it better, how would you feel?"…he took this as me comparing our university experience and claimed that I cant say that to him because hes already been to university and he went into s narc rage over it.
Damn, that's pathetic. I thought he was like, 21-22. How long have you been married? He sounds so full of himself. He can't even drop the elitist bullshit for your wellbeing. Very toxic
person to be around. He will only stifle you. You're not doing anything wrong. You have a job and support yourself. He just wants to shove his degree in your face and make you feel like shit. He sounds like a really basic person that places way too much importance on the "prestige" of university despite it doing fuckall for him apparently.
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Sounds like textbook abusive
behavior to me. I know this book has been shilled here for a long time, but I finally started reading it and holy shit. It makes everything so clear. You should really pick it up or find a pdf and see if your husband matches any other signs/behaviors.
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Part of me doesnt really even know most of the time if my problems with him are legitimate or if I'm just being dramatic >>415880
I'd like to be making more than 15 an hour one day but im just building experience right now>>415881
I was one of the stupid people who met a "tfw no gf" type and felt bad for him and truly believed he was just lonely. But now he just proceeds to act better than me all the time and complain about how he wishes he had a wife whose parents werent divorced etc. Another red flag is he used to go on r9k back in the day and has women hate memes saved.
If anything my life should be a warning for anyone to never give "depressed tfw no gf bois" a chance.
>>415875>being married to someone who belittles you and calls you a leech despite you working and gaining the same amount of money he does
He's a worthless asshole, and staying with him will only make you look pathetic and him think that he deserves your time.
He should go suck off his friends over their intellectual, graduate-only memes and video games.
He's clearly toxic
and retarded, but I don't think you're actually married IRL to this guy. The story you are telling outside of the screenshots doesn't match up. First of all, why is it always discord? You've posted before and it's never text or anything else. The way he talks to you also comes off like you guys aren't actually in a relationship yet, like you're just two people who know each other online and talk often, possibly LDR.
No, it isn't 100% your fault and there's no rationalizing the abuse you're going through. Please get the fuck away from him, get divorced (it should be pretty easy considering you guys don't have anything together), and just count yourself lucky you had a Shoe and Greg situation, it'll make it a fuckton easier to escape. You're not making it up or being dramatic. He's an abusive
piece of shit.
>>415897>I'm 100% to blame for getting myself into this situation and I deserve everything bad happening to me now.
Fuck off, you absolute victim
. Take some control over your life. Your "husband" has made some good points in his childish tirade but the ball is in your court. You don't live together, you are in separate countries. Your communication consists of retarded arguments on Discord. Your marriage is about as existent as a eunuch's left testicle, and that should be a major consolation to you considering your situation. The fact that he is in another country makes divorce a little more complex but that's not a big deal. You don't have combined assets. Things aren't in both your names.
Do you want to keep coming to this thread to complain about your autistic fake husband? Do you want to actually live with this guy (he lives with his parents now so you are going to have to do everything for him) catering to his every whim after working the same shift? And if you don't please him he'll call you a lazy, uneducated, leaching whore?
Imagine your future. It's this guy getting to sit in his chair, fart, and play video games endlessly while you do every chore in your house on your own and never get thanked for it.
As other anons said, the abuse is not at all your fault. I’d look at the silver lining of this otherwise shitfest situation - you don’t live together, you don’t even live in the same country. Surround yourself with friends and family, cut off as much contact as you can with him and start filing for divorce ASAP, this duration while absolutely fucking awful can be relatively easily fixed if you’re willing to listen to everyone (including yourself most likely) telling you that you need to leave. I know it’s hard to leave abusers but know that once you just start the process a huge burden will be lifted
Good luck to you
Yeah, great idea to pull this rude, "tough love" bullshit on a girl that is being and has been emotionally and mentally abused for the past two years. Poor execution on your part. That doesn't typically encourage victims
of abuse to leave. You just make them feel ashamed.
Well it is my fault because I lack the self respect to leave. Really it all comes down to loneliness. I dont have any family, no friends and hes pretty much the only one I talk to. We see each other in real life like once or twice a week because we dont leave far and when we do see each other we are arguing about something dumb(like I forgot to press clear after using the microwave and he feels that was irresponsible). So at this point I realize that yes I will be completely alone once I leave but all we do is argue anyway so it's not like it will change anything because we dont even talk about anything other than him because he gets triggered
if he sees me happy about anything other than his interests like computer and video games…
No, I just don't feel bad for people who create their own problems and cause children to suffer for no reason. There's no reason why someone without the means, either mentally, financially or emotionally, should be having kids. I grew up in a severely abusive
household and I have no sympathy for people who create their own problems by having kids when not equipped to care for them in any way. Too many people have kids for attention and Kodak moments, and the children are the ones that ultimately suffer.
I know a woman who worked at a home for "difficult" girls and so many wanted to get pregnant because of that exact reason. They were never loved, never had a really family, so they believe that having a baby will give them this.
But for "normal" ones the reason is simply lazyness. My mom works at a primary school and the level of unemployed or single parents has risen drastically the last couple years. In Germany you can finish school at just 15, so if they lack education/grow up in a family with no support, they maybe work for a very short period of time (or not at all), decide that working is a pain in the ass, get pregnant and then spend the rest of their lives "being busy taking care of the children" - when in reality their kids are completely neglected. Welfare in Germany is so good, they can just sit at home all day long, watch tv, get fat, don't give a fuck about how their kids are doing at school and they still won't face any consequences, never.
And their children will grow up to be exactly the same. Rinse and repeat. They don't have a chance of breaking that circle.
What about games kinda like the Sims? Like more relaxing ones like Animal Crossing, Harvest Moon, Stardew Valley etc.
Tbh it's not really a big deal, you're probably way more productive. Games are fun but ultimately a waste of time.
I don't know your situation but I found having other mothers to talk to very helpful. Look at what's available in your local area. I joined a community playgroup and volunteered to help for a few hours a week. The other mothers welcomed me and have been there to offer support and advice if I needed it. It's been reassuring to know that I'm not the only one that struggles sometimes. Don't worry about being judged, there's lots of women with different circumstance and we all rally round each other.
I do get depressed when I think about the enormity of what I've done. Having a child was my choice and I do love being a mum but sometimes when I think about how my life used to be and how I can never go back to that I feel a bit sad about it. That's normal and doesn't mean I don't love my daughter. The best thing you can do when you feel like this is pick yourself up again. Therapy like CBT will teach you techniques on how you can do this. Exercise will help as well, there should be local fitness meetings for mothers where they do things like yoga and pilates.>>415946
If you like the Sims, try the other Maxis games like SimCity. I've spent years of my life playing older versions of that. There's still an active modding community for SimCity 4 and it can be bought on GOG or Steam for a few dollars.
don't feel weird, anon! i'm the same, HUGE longtime sims fan (been a fan for 12 years), my favorite games are literally The Sims and Stardew Valley. i've played other games, some were fun (i loved the Mass Effect trilogy and the classic indie jrpgs like Mad Father/Misao types), some were headaches, but I also feel weird bc i hate competitive games or games that are a task or a chore bc of their difficulty (Cuphead, Dark Souls, Sekiiro, etc.). video games are supposed to be fun, and everyone has fun in different ways, so as long as you like it and enjoy it then there's NOTHING wrong or weird about that. don't listen to scrots or pick-me bitches who go on and on about how "filthy casuals" aren't rEaL gAmErS, video games are for fun, not for stroking your ego.
I really, really want Animal Crossing for the switch lol. Animal Crossing alone will make my expensive Switch worth it. If Nintendo comes out with a special edition switch for AC, I wanna try to sell my switch so I can buy it lol (but I probably won't because I don't like the hassle of selling shit). I know when AC drops I'll probably dedicate a fuck ton of time to it, I just finish another bout where I was obsessively playing Pocket Camp. Also, maybe Pokemon sword/shield. I got Lets Go Pikachu, but I stopped playing it. I didn't like the emphasis on catching pokemon, on top of a bunch of other outside reasons, so I stopped playing it.
Also, I just fucking suck at games. The first game I got was BOTW and I just stopped playing it because I was so frustrated at how much I suck. I like the open worldness of it all, but I hate battling monsters. To activate a tower, I meticulously spent a fuck ton of time climbing up the side of the mountain just so I could avoid fighting. I wanted to buy a PS4 to play Nier:Automata, but ultimately decided against it.
A lot of my friends play games, and brought their systems up to college with them, so I had a lot of fun playing on their systems (Before I bought my switch, I didn't have anything besides a PS1, PS2, Nintento 64, and 3DS, so I missed out on playing a lot of big name games that came out on newer systems). I thought I'd still have fun playing post college, but I just forget that I even have a Switch most days. I see all my friends enjoying Persona 5, and Smash, and KH3, and it sucks to feel left out of all that but games aren't really that fun to me most times.
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So a while I ago I vented about my friend and me about going together to a concert that I was excited about. My friend then suddenly decided to invet her new bf to come with for whatever reason (mostly because he has a car and ugh he can drive us I guess). >>404364
Already back then I feared about being a third wheel situation, because I actually planned this as a nice and chill evening with my concert buddy and good friend to hang out, catch up on things and just have a good time to enjoy a great show. So two weeks after I bought our two tickets she wrote me about that she bought his ticket and what made me feel not so great about this whole thing was the fact that before that (when I bought our two tickets) she wrote me a message that was like "oh, this will be fun!" but when she announced that she got a ticket for her boyfriend she wrote me a message how "absolutely EXCITED she was that he comes with us and that it will be SO MUCH FUN with him now wohoo!" I didn't answered this because I didn't know how to react about it because, he was def more interesting to be around than with me obviously.
So yesterday was the day.
And things were so much worse than I've actually imagined. Not to sound too overdramatic but it left me still angry and annoyed about everything, specially about her and her bf.
And before I will REEEEE about everything I want to say that I tried to be as open minded as possible, because he is the bf of her and of course I wanted to get along as good as possible, not being bff but just hang around and have a good time together.
So, they arrived in his small ass car. With all her talk from her I could've guessed that he owns at least a BMW or something like that but nope it was a tiny car where you have to weasel your way into it so you can sit on the tiny ass back seat. I introduce myself etc etc.
I sit there, behind my friend try to ask her how it things are and if she is excited but I barely got an answer out of her because even when i just sat there, he already ignored everything and talked with her if I never entered the car. Then my friend wanted to know from me how my apartment hunting is going, then again I wanted to give her a short answer but as I just opened my mouth he starts to talk with her again. I was like ?????? okeeyyy? And while that he already had some loud ass music playing so that made everything even more frustrating. I thought, well I will then just sit here and see how things will be going. He suddenly turned the music low enough to have a talk, but only with my friend and in the moment they finished to talk, he turned the music loud enough that you couldn't understand a word if somebody said something. This repeated a bit over the one hour drive to the concert venue. In the meantime he asked me like something twice but whenever I answered he wasn't listening or talked to my friend A G A I N. By the end of the drive I was already very, VERY annoyed by it but I thought, we will be shorty there so whatever.
We arrive and it was basically me just walking behind them like I've never met them before, specially my friend who was glued to him every possible moment. When he wasn't around for a few seconds, she tried to have a small talk but as soon he was there, bam, me on the side and just both of them. By then I barely said anything, because it was just such a stupid situation and frustrating to be in which made me felt genuinely unwanted to be with them, as if it was better if it was just them and nobody else. He looked specially funny at me when my friend said that it was my idea to be there, like yes hello it's me.
Then, like before every concert my friend have a bit of beer. I would've assumed that only both of us because he is the driver but NOPE he also got his alcoholic drinks. At this point I got kind of worried that I make it save back home. Like how the fuck can you drink ALCOHOL when you have to drive this long road back?? But my friend was okey with it.
So the whole time before the show I have given up to have some sort of conversation with them, I just somewhere on the side with a better view on the stage and just waited to start it and leave them cuddling in the middle of the rock concert.
The show itself was absolute perfection, great live music, great songs and just everybody having fun. I had finally the good time I was hoping to have, even just on my own but whatever. I lived for the moment.
But one thing made me really sad that usually my said friend and I have a blast on shows like that, just jumping around being stupid and enjoying the music. But this time she was standing there with her bf being glued on her, both barely moving despite being in the middle of a mosh pit.
After the show nobody barely talked, which usually is the time where everybody is hyped and just adrenalin-fuelled because of the show. No, nobody was talking, mostly because her bf didn't enjoyed that show that much so my friend had no reason to be happy about. Back in the small ass car, this dude starts to playing Rammstein out of spite because hurr hurr his fave band and let's this music on the highest volume through the whole drive back home. My ears were not ringing after the show but my ears were ringing after I got out of the car. I don't mind Rammstein at all, but it's not the type of music you let play in your shit car with your cheap ass sound system.
At the end I just gave my friend an half assed hug and said bye because I could bare it to be any longer around them.
What a fucking let down. Now I wonder if I'm just over reacting, being too emotional because I'm about to get my period or them just being super ignorant and rude.
idk I just had to get it off my chest. Sorry for that blogspot.
Thank you so much anon, for putting that effort in for me. I'll definitely check those links out. >>415966
That sounds like a great suggestion, thank you. I have terrible self-esteem when it comes to meeting new people because I struggle to maintain normal relationships, but I've done plenty of DBT now and maybe I can keep trying. I definitely relate to missing your old life, despite loving motherhood. Depression is hard enough without the added guilt.
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>rarely socialize irl
>rarely socialize online
>feeling exceptionally lonely, join a social discord to try and meet someone to at least game with
>someone piques my interest
>similar hobbies, makes good conversation
>intelligent and thoughtful
>most importantly: female
>miraculously happen to be somewhat local
>start imagining all sorts of scenarios of having a friend to do things with irl
>talk lightly with friend over a period of two weeks
>out of the blue they send me a selfie
>it's a fucking man
I've given up.
They don't work and therefore get an apartment and money for food, clothes, etc from the state.
I thought welfare is the right word for this…?
Drop your friend. People who drag others to concerts they aren't interested in/don't know are retards but more so the people who agree to go. Your friend should have known your bf wouldn't have enjoyed it either way.
Holy shit is this dude in middle school lmfao. I'd mind it if I were you.
I had this a few years ago. I posted on a relationship forum asking for support and got roasted by a bunch of handmaidens. One person sends me nice supportive PMs, I shortly find out it was a dude and bail from the whole site
I think women have been memed away from seeking friendship from other women due to """competition""" despite the fact men think we are all just holes of different ages and heights. It's very unfair.
It was purported to be an all-girl (bio) Discord but wasn't voice vetted. He didn't assert otherwise but I just assumed he was a girl since he was in the discord. That's what I get for being naive. >>416028
He crossdresses but he's not a tranny (oof
Yeah, I've found it hard to make friends even in the all-female discords. Everyone seems to be pretty shy and this was the first person I met that I "vibed" with. It's unfortunate because he was not even overtly creepy but once I found out it was a guy I also abandoned ship. I just don't get it. There's plenty of spaces for them, why can't they just leave us be? My heart can only take so much.
>>416061>There's plenty of spaces for them, why can't they just leave us be?
When it comes to fish and other smalled brained organisms there's a male dating strategy known kleptogyny or 'the Sneaky Fucker theory'; where instead of competing to show off positive traits like bravery, intelligence, fidelity, etc, they just pretend to be a female that blends in other females until they've one or more females cornered.
IE, I'm glad that you got out at least. If there's any sneaky fuckers here that want to try the same bullshit then hopefully that shamed them out of it.
I'm sure if it ever actually happens I'll just kys myself given the way I am.
Sorry it's happened to you, anon.
What do you do when your parents ended up stealing money from you?
I made a transaction using Paypal using the friends and family feature, which is true, it was a transaction between my mom and I. She wanted me to start paying for my car insurance and my part of the phone bill. No biggie, I sent her the money ASAP so she'd stop bugging me. Then a day later, she decided the money wasn't good enough and she wants to take the car and the phone away from me. So I asked for the money back and she refused, cancelled the invoice, telling me she still deserves the money.
I can't file a dispute or anything because it wasn't a business thing. Now I'm just stuck with $350 less than what I used to have and I really need it because I honestly don't think I can both afford gas and groceries for the next week.
I don't live with my parents, haven't in almost 5 years, so I had to buy a used car and phone with whatever I had left, on top of getting the car title and plates.
I'm struggling anons, I don't want to e-beg, but I feel like I might have to.
kek that's pretty funny, though not in the way you intended.
Just think, you're set on making female friends and avoiding males. You set out to make some female friends and one woman really stands out from the rest. You say she's smart, interesting, shares your hobbies and you really click with her and love talking to her, and it turns out to be a man. That means every actual woman you encountered was some combination of either boring, stupid or too socially meek to actually engage with you.
So does this situation possibly make you wonder why you even hate men and only want women to begin with?(SCROT ALERT)
Same, my 5E group is a bunch of roleplayers who care more about the story than minmaxing and sperging over numbers.
>man hating drow barbarian
I love her
How fun it is is a matter of opinion but you know that ProJared is not indicative of the entire DnD player base right?
In my experience most of the people who play it are fat neckbeards who want nothing to do with women.
Thanks anon. Drow society is already matriarchal to an almost cartoonish level so I figure the fact that she still chose the path of a barbarian should show how committed she is to wanton violence against the lesser sex.
"I bleed once a month, but you'll be bleeding a whole lot more.">>416157
Any time a chracter tries any line on her she just rolls for initiative and rips off his dick. Problem fucking solved.
I know some people shit on Marie Kondo's books as just common sense, but her netflix series inspired me to start decluttering! I'm in the same situation as you anon. It's been months since I started to declutter and it seems like it's neverending, and there are things that I just can't seem to part with.
If you're down for reading, I highly recommend Fumio Sasaki's "Goodbye, Things" and Nagisa Tatsumi's "The Art of Discarding" on top of Marie Kondo's book. The combination of all three of these books gives a nice, well rounded approach to changing your mindset for the future, moving on past the guilt of getting rid of things. Personally, I loved Goodbye, Things the most! It's inspired me to move towards minimalism, maybe not to the extent that Sasaki is at (I forget how many things he owns but it's very, very little lol), but definitely a lot less things than I have now. I've been trying to become a lot more mindful about the material items that I buy now, and in turn, it helps me spend less (although I really just end up using that extra bit of money towards food now lol).
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i'm from the US of fucking A and had no clue suicide hotline busts were a thing. like the last thing i want to do is encourage somebody not to get help, but reach out to literally ANYBODY ELSE. the thing about being admitted for suicide-type things is that they really can hold you for 72 hours and then ship you out somewhere even worse. you have no say.>>416129>worse yet if you're in a psych ward as an adult i believe it actually appears on record
I'M PISSED. the worst part was being shuffled into the back of a police car like i'm a fucking criminal for feeling feelings lmao
Because I planned to buy one anyways the moment she started asking for payments, the car isn't going to be paid off for another 5 years so she was going to make me do that too. I was going to save up a bit more to find a little nicer car and not deal with payments, which I successfully did. I left a lot of details out mostly because I already vented about this a few days ago, but it was stressful. My mom was nonstop harassing me because I wouldn't answer her texts right away and threatening to show up to my house with law enforcement and trying to get me evicted, so I just said fuck it, if she wants to keep threatening me, I'm cutting all ties with her immediately.
I tried to do something to temporarily please her and I thought giving her that payment would make her stop, but it didn't. She just wants money and control over me.
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>>416220>I'M PISSED. the worst part was being shuffled into the back of a police car like i'm a fucking criminal for feeling feelings lmao
jfc that's terrible, that happened to me during one of my stints at a hospital when I was still underage and it's so humiliating, I think it would be at any age. the cops also treated me like a nutcase and put me in cuffs, made me a thousand times more suicidal and angry upon admission, I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you
ive always tried to find ways to vent that are mostly self contained. sometimes I need to vent, I try and keep it to a "vent journal" (which I keep misplacing but it's still saved me from cracking a few times ffs). when I talk to people if I have anyone to talk to at that moment I avoid anyone who I think would report me for "suspicious behavior".
i'm a mess and i'm sure there's a few times where i definitely could've been dragged back to the hospital in my post adult life but I can't afford to have the disruptions in my life, have it on my record, pay for it, or deserve to be dragged back
i found it a lot easier to hide the breakdowns and feelings I could hide and self contain them in a way where I can still vent i guess, vent only to people I trust and find weird coping skills in dealing with it. I like to dance around and listen to music while everyone is sleeping and it usually doesn't wake them up when I'm having late night breakdowns, it tires me out. the vent journal is probably most relieving, being able to say things that I'm not sure I could ever say aloud. what I do doesn't work for everyone, I've given my also mood disordered / generally issued friends advice and I can guarantee it doesn't always work.
what matters I guess is that I wanted to find a way to vent that wasn't going to always publicize how I felt or allowed me to publicize it in an anonymous or trustworthy way that wasn't going to land me in the hospital again
I can't say this anywhere without sounding like a jealous, resentful bitch, which I probably am, but it annoys the hell out of me that being an Influencer is a thing now.
What I specifically mean by this is that ever since social media became lucrative you've got hundreds upon hundreds of teens/people in their 20's or 30's who make a living off of doing the bare goddamn minimum with absolutely no academic formation or preparation of any kind.
They sell kids (bc, let's face it, the only people who actually give a shit about what "influencers" have to say about anything are mostly kids, or mentally stunted adults who think like kids) this exciting lifestyle that comes with very little effort compared to what pursuing higher education or working a fulltime job would. You get to make content with your friends!! Companies sponsor you so you get free shit! You can be super fucking materialistic and wasteful and people will praise you for it! You'll have a legion of fans and people will look up to you!
This is where the old coot in me comes crawling out and states the boringly obvious: kids don't want to be doctors, lawyers, teachers anymore; they want to be youtubers, singers, models, let's players. Why do me or my friends even bother going to college, working jobs and cultivating ourselves as people when a walking thumb like Logan Paul can be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy and still have the lavish, comfortable lifestyle he has without having to put in even a quarter of the effort I'd have to put to get ahead in life, and it's all because he struck gold and realized little kids will look up to you if you're just obnoxious and loud enough to hold their 10-second attention span. Or people like Pewdipie, whose job is literally to scream into a microphone and "review" memes. Sometimes, deep down, I wonder: why the fuck do I even bother?
I genuinely fear in 10 years' time we'll have a whole generation of ex-influencers whose fame and novelty wore off and now they're in their late 20's/early 30's with absolutely no academic background past high school (IF they even graduate hs), no job experience and no life skills to get by in this inevitable circumstance they've put themselves in. I wish the media and us as a collective society would stop giving influencers so much attention, relevancy and praise for doing the bare minimum, bc let's face it, no matter how hard you might work to branch out your instagram account or grow your youtube channel,
you're NOT working as hard as someone putting themselves through college or working a fulltime job. You're probably NOT doing something so extraordinary and fantastic that you deserve to be famous, so many of these people look like clones and do exactly the same shit. WHY are they so famous? Why do we love making shitty, mediocre people famous? Is observing lolcows a universal entertainment experience?
Curious, what was he bitching about? It sounds like a very selfish thing to do, it would make me feel weird, too. This >>416355
is good advice.
I think about gender politics nearly every day, just because when I was younger I was heavily into Tumblr. I came out as trans to my parents and close friends irl after I got sucked into the cult-like mentality and all it did was make me miserable and thin-skinned. Luckily I got out of that circle and didn’t do any procedures to my body but it angers me to see tranny bullshit spread even further in recent years. I’m genuinely worried it will impact my life as a woman, what with troons somehow actually getting into positions of power like Liam Madigan and Morgane Oger. It’s disgusting and undoing the decades of work that lets young women like me enjoy the privilege I have in a Western first world country. Even that isn’t safe because the UK is handling immigration idiotically and ignoring that our ‘multiculturalism’ is starting to fall apart - and I’m convinced it’s partly because we’re taking in American politics. When the police turn a blind eye to Muslim rape gangs and cities lost to insular cultures, British black people (around me, anyway) seem more mistrustful and paranoid about being oppressed even though black culture here I’m sure is different from the US. Our police are fucking incompetent but they don’t bait blacks with conflicting orders to be able to shoot them.
I don’t think I have the qualifications or skill set to contribute to something like a charity so I feel powerless to make any change in the world and all of this is probably impacting my (already) poor mental health and leaves me distrustful and less content with my country, its government and future prosperity. My area is alright but that doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way, another part of the city used to be high end 60 years ago and I was shocked to learn that because all my live it’s known as chavvy crime central, unsafe to walk in after dark.
The way I’m trying to seek stability is through online privacy, I browse websites about it a lot and cut Google out of my life as a means to gain a little control, but also because privacy and anonymity lets me express my "bigoted" opinions and criticize things when they get too hugboxy. I still think I’m pretty screwed because then I spend ages worrying and obsessing about how secure all of my devices are.
I used to think being a housewife was for losers as a teenager and genuinely wanted to get into STEM or the arts because it sounds impressive and I have a genuine interest in those things. I was a high achiever at school but now I’m a NEET and half way compromising with myself, that I’ll be happy just stacking shelves if people leave me alone, and spending time with a boyfriend if I ever get one. Now I’d be proud to start a family and raise them right but would I bring children into this shitty world? What if they think they’re trans? I’m so unhappy but not suicidal, I just feel like I exist in limbo fighting every day to be ‘okay’, let alone be stronger and rise above all this shit.
it sounds like you're genuinely got a lot on your mind right now anon. there's nothing i can do to impact your life for better or worse from an anonboard, but all i can tell you is that every storm passes and the sun always comes out again, even if it's a long storm it can't last forever, can it?
it's completely fine to want a "low-tier" simple job with little responsibility and a quiet life. i used to be a lot like you when i was younger (high achiever with big ambitions) but even if i'm not a NEET i strive for a simple, quiet life where people will leave me alone like you do. i think as you get older it's normal to want smaller, quieter, simpler. you tend to dream big when you're younger bc you don't quite grasp the full picture and the harsh realities of the world, and let's face it: not everyone is cut out for a high-achieving, ambitious life in a STEM field or as an artist, those things are big responsibilities and require a great deal of practice, perseverance and skill, and even the most talented artist of its generation will face challenges and backlash on their way up to the top. it's completely fine to want a "mediocre" quiet life, the world is wacky enough as it is, and there's a reason there's only so many great artists and cientists per generation. if they weren't a rarity then they wouldn't be appealing to you, now would they?
as for the tranny and immigration stuff, i can't speak on that one bc i live in a shithole country that's way too behind with the world to have even reached those "first world" issues (we kinda have immigration shit but it's diff). i, too, fear for this sjw troon takeover, but i also feel like they're so delusional and incompetent that they'll off themselves naturally before the end of the decade. trust me, this likely won't survive long enough to be on our history books.
I get what you're saying, but tbh even worse than the celeb influencers, are all the mediocre people who tried really hard to be cool on the internet and just never really made it.
see: Anisa Jomha. she's exactly as you describe but wasn't even good at it. yet at 26/27 she's banking on a boobjob her bf has to pay for to boost her ratings instead of working on life skills or a new plan
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Got my first pay from my new job and they've already underpaid me. Fucking hell, I hate having to awkwardly chase down managers trying to get the money they owe me, especially when I'm new to this job and am shy af. Not like I'm relying on this money for bills or anything! !! Fucks sakes.
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My boyfriend is 'le outgoing funny guy~'. I guess it's part of why I love him but he's so incapable of being serious until I get angry with him and then it all goes to shit. I have to say 'babe, seriously' at least 4 times to get him to stop joking around, and even then he will just continue five minutes later until I explode on him. And then I'm the bad guy for ruining our time together because he was just trying to 'lighten the mood'. He's either this hyper ball of energy or depressed and unresponsive, there seems to be no in-between and obviously I'd like him to be the former rather than the latter but some days I feel like I just can't handle this constant comedian act from him.
Why are you dating a manchild
Do you really want to babysit him forever?
It’s the worst fucking feeling. I just got hired after a three year search and it sucked every minute. Tbh keeping at it is the only thing that will work. Apply repeatedly if any listings get reposted even if you didn’t get a response the first time. If you’ve got the time, do a bit of volunteering for the resume points and get to know people in businesses you’re interested in working at. Being a familiar face with a good attitude could get your foot in a lot of doors.
Fingers crossed you get something really soon. It’s godawful in the doldrums but they can’t last forever if you’re paddling.
Yes. My abusive
relationship ended a decade ago and I'm still haunted by it. No amount of therapy has helped me cope.
I get you anon. It's been literally ten years since I dumped my abusive
ex but the better my life gets, the more I get sucked into that time.
I know we're supposed to be gentle and forgiving with our traumas or whatever but sometimes I worry that it just means my life is empty. If this is the biggest thing that affects me, maybe I should be challenging myself to more or something.
I think I might be a lesbian-leaning bisexual. I always assumed that i was hetero, and never ever had any second thoughts about how hard I was hitting on other girls, never taking it as something more serious than jokes.
Like, since 6 grade I was constantly teasing girls by touching them everywhere and grabbing their boobs often without their consent (which makes me a fucking creep, I know, and I am horrified with myself as I realise all that I did back then), blatantly hitting on my very straight classmates at college, which made some of them really confused, and made one even fall for me.
I had a plenty of relationships with men. In late teenage years I just wanted sex mostly, and guys of my age were easy to start a relationship with. The moment they began to have feelings for me or demanding my free time I instantly was like "what ew no" and dropped them. My first sexual partner was into crossdressing, I was into cosplay at a time, so we often had sex while he was in full cosplay of some girl character, and now that I remember him, he had very feminine face features. My first memory of him is literally noticing him because of small pointy nose and thinking that he was beautiful because of that. (He turned out to be bisexual too later on)
The more I become adult, the more I realise how small interest I had in men throughout all my life. I don't hate them, just don't care. I never had "favourite type", I never ever liked any handsome actor or thirsted over some particular man. I think most of them even look the same to me. And now that I have less sex drive than when I was a teen, I feel awkward in bed, all of it feels very unnatural.
I keep thinking about women. I see hot lesbian dreams, look at women in public transport, often find myself fantasising about them. I have a huge folder with warious beautiful women, dressed and undressed. I find a lot of women sexy, I like different body types, different skin colours and appearances. I'm interested in what women say and think. I can identify lesbians even if they don't look certain way by just feeling or some shit like that.
I only had sex with a girl once, but she was not very enthusiastic about it. Now I want to explore my sexuality more, but I seem to have lost all that "top" attitude that I had when I was 17, so I have no idea how to hit on women now that I'm 25 and have little to no experience with dating them. I guess imageboards do that to you, huh
I don't know if this helps you but a trauma counselor once told me that it's normal for old emotional wounds to open when we finally have space to unpack them. I felt guilty for thinking of this stuff when I was with my bf or family, but she said that it makes sense because that's when our minds are safest to admit or vaddress their raw pain.
It's stupid and I hate it lol
I have bad childhood trauma, been to therapy for it was medicated for a while when it flared up during a rough year. I was a victim
even tho I get triggered
using that word because my step mom slapped me across the face mocking me for being a victim
(I had recently spoken to my dad about how I had been physically assaulted by a bf, you know that old trope how you keep getting in cycles of abuse? All my fault obviously, just love cruising for a bruising and thinking no one could love damaged goods like me apart from addicts lol). My extended family (grandparents, aunts and uncles) have all passed away and my happy childhood memories are with them. I feel utterly hopeless a lot and it's completely effected how I maintain relationships with others. I can't get too close because I have such abandonment issues.
I feel ashamed I'm so weird and I've had a past bf tell me it's weird that my own mother hated me so much and would beat me, but I had to live with her because my dad left her for a younger woman who hates children lol. Pretty sure my brother has fucked my step mom too. So because I've had two women in my life hate me it's my fault. At least that's how it feels. Even though I loved my grandma and she doted on me because she's dead that's forgotten and my legacy is being my mother's little bitch and I can't escape it. I had my own brother mock me the other day and he was complicit in the physical abuse against me too which started when I was only 8 years old. Then because I left a company for a better paying job after a crazy bitter old woman was picking on me and other female coworkers (who also all quit for better prospects after being pushed out) that's been used as corroborated evidence to my unpleasantness.
I got offered an opportunity by my father (who is extremely wealthy) to pay for my further education. There was a period a few years ago where he nearly left his wife and we rekindled a relationship because she had always stopped it. He wanted to make it up to me for failed opportunities and cover my fees. This is the greatest blessing I will ever receive in life and its almost an atonement on my father's behalf for the years of hell I was put through. And I have to say I haven't engaged as much with the opportunity, I lost all of my grandparents during the first 2 semesters then an aunt and uncle, a beloved cat I rescued at 12 and pleaded with my mom's bf at the time to keep. I also ended an engagement because the man was abusive
and didn't love me.
My mom and brother think I'm now disgustingly spoilt and have been publicaly berating me since I enrolled. I'm finishing a masters now and honestly I just constantly feel plagued by negativity that I don't even know what I want to do after this course. I've just been going through the motions I have absolutely no desire for anything
bring it up to him, anon! just calmly and peacefully lay it all out for him: that this girl's resemblance to his ex/the fact that he seems to engage SO MUCH with her social media are messing with your self esteem and confidence, and that while you know that he's NOT doing it on purpose (even if it turns out he is you don't want to make this seem like an accusation, be as neutral as possible) it's still affecting you negatively and putting a strain on your mood, and that you feel like you're doing something wrong/you can't send pictures like that to him bc of your low self esteem, and could he please try to take your feelings into consideration on this subject. if he asks what he should do about it, i don't think it's controlling or bad to ask him to please unfollow her/cut back his social media engagement; you've communicated clearly to him that it's fucking with your confidence, and let's be honest, it's not going to kill him not to like every lewd some girl that's not even his girlfriend posts on social media, there's no rational reason for him to throw a bitch fit over this.
be honest with him. don't be accusatory or confrontational, just have an honest heart-to-heart on the subject, try to emphasize that you know you "shouldn't" be jealous, but you are, and this isn't at all an unreasonable excuse to be jealous: your boyfriend is showing a very vocal and open preference for another girl's body, which is a standard you feel like you can't live up to, and said girl resembles his ex girlfriend to boot. jealousy is a normal feeling and something we often can't avoid, you're not horrible or wrong for being jealous AS LONG AS you handle it accordingly and properly, and i think being honest to him about how much anxiety and distress this issue is causing you is handling this appropiately.
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My partner and I both have personality disorders. It’s very hard because we will both go through periods of extreme love and extreme hatred for each other. We will have great weeks and we will have absolutely terrible ones. We both have good jobs and a general direction in life, and we do work hard to encourage good behaviors in one another. If one of us notices the other doing something bad (drinking heavily, restricting food, spending too much time on the computer, etc.) we will talk about it and try to correct the behavior. It’s unfortunate because when we are at our best we are a very healthy, supportive and in-sync. But catch us in an off-week and it’s just horrible fighting spurned from nothing but moodiness. The one good thing is that even in the darkest moments I know a good week is coming.
It may, or it may not be. At least you recognize that it's happening and can work on moving away/coping with it in better ways with your psychologist (although I'm sorry about you having to deal with unloading everything again).
At my last psych, I thought I had bpd because I felt myself going through all of the shit (self harm, abandonment fear, black/white thinking, etc), but my psych never mentioned it. A diagnosis is just a diagnosis, worry more about working through the individual symptoms without putting a name to the whole thing. Also, I've seen many anons here mention that psychs are even hesitant to diagnose someone with it because it can cause trouble in the future.
Good luck anon. I hope you'll be able to work through things and lead a happier life!
I'm sort of the same way with my mother, even though I still live under the same roof with my parents lol. We have a bit of a language barrier, which makes things a bit harder too (and honestly makes me feel a bit weird… having a language barrier with your own parent? wtf?). The only thing I can do is go out and eat dinner with her on the days shes off from work, and even then we don't talk over dinner. She's usually on her phone reading something. Sometimes when she's reading something in bed I'll go lay on her bed with her. Our interactions are silent, but as an adult now, I know my time with my parents are fleeting and I just try to enjoy the small moments I have with her. I know I'll never have the same relationship with my mom like my friends do, going shopping together, talking about each other's days, celebrating things like holidays and birthdays- but I try to just make the most of my time with my mom. Maybe invite her out for shopping or a lunch/dinner date. You won't really have to talk about anything besides the food or whatever the store offers, and even if you don't talk about anything at all, being in each other's company might be a small step in the right direction.
cut them off and move on anon what the hell lmfao. I understand the need to keep up with friends or at least be curious if they're talking shit about you on their private accs or finstas but its gonna get to a point where you're just gonna be paranoid and harming urself in the long run. I've had similar feelings when I stopped being friends with this chick who was known to overshare and talk shit about virtually anyone (including her own girlfriend and family) on her private twitter so instead of falling into my own paranoid thoughts and wondering if she was gonna say something nasty about me on her social media, I just blocked her. its easier said than done but why torture urself more if u know for a fact that these people are nasty towards u behind ur back?
I will admit I did go for a period of blocking and unblocking her to see if she would say anything tho so lmao take my advice with a grain of salt
Of course I care, those were my friends for more than 10 years now and as you can understand, any 15 year old girl wants to have some friends who could be there for her. I trusted them blindly and our relationship wasn't that bad as it got later.>>416561
You're right…It just hurts because even if I know friends don't have to be perfect all the time, even if we disagreed sometimes, I never put my worse thoughts on social media, instead I tried to think about them.
i can't smoke pot. i used to, and it used to be fine, but out of the blue i had a massive panic attack one time, and i was so freaking paranoid that i thought i was losing my mind. like, i seriously thought i could hear what people were thinking about me which is so far from baseline for me that it's not even funny. ever since then, when i smoke, it's always a variant of that. even if i take the tiniest puff it's going to be a shitshow and it sucks because i used to love smoking and watching movies or listening to music, i loved doing free association writing while i was high, whatever.
now? no fucking way. i get sad because some of the shit i thought about was, not profound or anything like that, but kind of like my brain was seeing things in a new, interesting light. even that part creeps me out because i'm like well, is that the precursor to being fucking nuts? seeing things differently? even high cbd strains that still have thc in them fuck me up. i'm so jealous of friends who can use with no problems whatsoever. i know it's not for me, though. i guess i'm not alone, i live in a recreational state and my shrink says she sees a ton of people coming in with weird issues that all seem to be based around the use of pot just prior to some kind of breakdown. she also said that when she was getting her doctorate, she talked to a bunch of nurses who worked on psych wards in the sixties who swore up and down that pot was worse for psych issues than freaking pcp or acid. which, don't know if i believe that, but sometimes i wish i could still smoke it and relax the way i used to.
cbd by itself seems like utter bullshit, it does nothing that i can see one way or the other. anyhow, i stay away from all of it now. boo me. not trying to scare anyone, just feeling sorry for myself.
Ugh, I feel you anon. I'm incredibly germophobic and terrified of permanently damaging my eyes so I'm super diligent with cleaning my contacts but I still have issues with them. I don't know how so many contact wearers are so careless and reckless with their lenses but never have any problems.
What kind of contact solution do you use? I used to use the regular multipurpose kind but after getting giant papillary conjunctivitis my eye doctor recommended I use solution with hydrogen peroxide in it, it's supposed to be more thorough at cleaning the lenses and is good for people with sensitive eyes or allergies to the preservatives in regular contact solution. I don't know if the problems you're having are related to it, but I'd say it's worth the switch, it's helped me a lot. Anyway I hope nothing too serious is wrong with your eyes and they'll get better soon!
Why is living a nightmare for some people? And why is it a dream for some? I always ask myself this question, it seems like it's a matter of luck.
I was sexually abused as a child, I come from a very abusive and fucked up family and I was verbally, physically and sexually abused countless times as a child. The thing is my family wouldn't even be considered such a bad family by Eastern European standards I guess.
My parents divorced when I was 4. I watched my own mother spiral down into mental illness with no help. My grandmother would take care of me. We were really poor, I was badly dressed, hungry, dirty. I wasn't even taken to school until I was 10. I got raped by a 20 or something year old villager, I got raped multiple times and I was also tortured for days at end. I never told anybody because I was scared. When I was 10 I had to move from my mom's to my dad's in another town and that's the first time I met my father. I was taken to school finally, it was hard for me to interact with my peers and I did very bad academically throughout all my school years.
My father is a maritime electrical engineer so he would work abroad for around 6-7 months per year. He would leave me with his parents, my paternal grandparents and my aunt. My grandmother was very nice and an amazing person but my grandfather was an alcoholic. He tortured and abused three generations my grandmother, my aunt and dad and me. Even if he was 70 years old he would still drink and he was still being extremely abusive towards everyone. He would beat the shit out of me, he would even beat my grandmother sometimes although she was old. But this was normal for them. I started acting weird at school so the teachers asked me what's wrong and I remember I managed to tell them a bit of my family situation and they discussed with my grandfather. Of course I got beaten and explained that what happens at home stays at home and that they only want what's good for me and that I shouldn't complain because my dad was making money.
The truth is my dad was wealthier than average, his income was above average but he wasn't rich either. His interactions with me were very limited he never really showed me true compassion, he would only come back from work after 7 months of not seeing me and he would buy me a lot of sweets and clothes and toys.
My grandma died a year ago, she was diagnosed with cancer and died within 3 months of her diagnosis. My father got depressed and stopped working. I went to college but I dropped out after 2 months due to mental illness. I got multiple jobs that I got fired from and now I'm a camgirl that makes as little as possible. I hate this life, I hate myself even if I know I shouldn't, I have this permanent mental state that guides me towards self destruction. Sometimes I look at the people around me and their lives are much more fulfilling and then I look back at myself and although I would say I'm a bit above average in intelligence and although I'm average in looks my mind is so scarred and my life is too. When I wake up from my sleep I feel as if I'm waking up from a nightmare to another nightmare and the only way to stop it is to just end it all.
I don't wanna die, there are still things I want to live for. I love literature and I love art and no one can take that away from me no matter what situation I end up in. But I'm still afraid that… in a moment of impulsivity and absolute despair I might do it. Just to regret it when it is too late.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me.
I did not realize that it is natural to remember bad things more than good ones, I though it's a sign that I am a spoiled POS that cannot appreciate the good things in life and instead I am obsessing over the worst thing that happened to me.
Many years ago I've decided to turn my trauma into a story that might resonate with others and help me cope by being of use to me. Maybe that's why I keep having sick dreams about The Man in which he comes back into my life and I am troubled because I want to go back to him and live the dream kid me imagined, but I realize that I am already with my real life boyfriend and I am about to break up with him over my abuser. This really worries me because I do not feel like this at all, but I keep having those dreams… like there is a part of me that still misses him…
It's been so many years and I am still messed up by it (though I am much better than I used to be). I should probably get therapy for this and other issues but I am scared of being misunderstood and belittled due to nature of my experience. After many years, I have learnt to stop judging myself because I am the only person who experienced my life, but I am still scared of others misunderstanding me. I know others have it worse, maybe I am weak for getting so destroyed by 'nothing'
Anons, I am so sorry for the bad things that happened to you, I hope that sooner or later the life will make it up to you.
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>>416612>That’s bad then
guess today's going to be an "alcohol and videogames to supress memories" day. yikes.
I'm so, so sorry anon. I have a senior dog that I grew up with myself, and I absolutely dread the day when I'll have to say goodbye.
I've had this link saved for a long time now, and I always send it to people who tell me that their dog is dying. I don't know if it'll help, but I hope it does. https://www.reddit.com/r/baww/comments/1m7exu/dogs_never_die/
You still have a few days left with your pup. Love him until you can love him no more. Don't waste your time drinking. Cherish every moment. I wish you the best anon.
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An incompetent job recruiter really pissed me off today, after 3 weeks of false promises, getting constant getting sent to her voice mail, and waiting.
So apparently she found me a job opportunity in the city. Ok cool, I'm interested as I really need a job ASAP.
Getting a hold of this recruiter (if I wanted to ask more questions about the job) was annoying as fuck. Almost every day I tried calling her, I always got her voice mail, no matter when I called (usually late mornings or early afternoons, staying away from lunch time).
So I finally got in touch with her asking if she heard back from the company and she said no and told me to directly contact them. So after a few days stressing out over making a cover letter, I finally send the company my resume and cover letter.
The next day, I get a response from the company itself. They currently aren't looking for new hires for any position.
Apparently the job posting I was going for has been closed.
For over a month.
Whhhhhhhhyyy the fuck is this stupid bitch referring me to an old closed job position? Is it so I can give the company my resume just to put it in their files for a future consideration? Is that even a thing that's done??
fuck those stupid incompetent assholes, holy shit
I feel like some recruiters are given quotas and make up shit to meet the demands. Maybe try another agency? They sound sketchy to everyone.
My spouse dealt with a sort of similar issue like 5 or 6 years ago. He was hired for a warehouse job, but when he got to the site, like the actual first day there to get trained, there was no one there to help him. No supervisors or anything. Just crew members doing line work. When he went to go ask a crew member where he can find help, they just shrugged and continued doing what they had to do. He was like, "Alright fuck it I'm leaving then," after about a half hour of waiting around.
He said a week later the job agency called him asking why he never attended the first day and he went off on them. He checked the recent Google reviews for the agency when he told me this and they were nearly all negative, besides some 5 stars which clearly sounded like they were current employees.
thank you, i'll try my best. it's just.. so difficult, and my mom is beyond attached to him so i know it'll affect her greatly, she suffers from alcoholism and depression as well as me, and i'm hoping she'll make it through this
also thank you for the reddit link, it made me really happy and my mother loves it as well. peace be with you both
Ugh, my kookoo aunt is spending the night today after ghosting my family over the Memorial Day holiday. I really despise her with a deep, dark, seething hatred. I know it’s not healthy but it’s hard not to dislike her.
A basic rundown of this family cow:
>tried to ‘unscrew’ her engine because she claims some Men in Black put something in it, like a lei
>earlier this year, was threatening to quit her job as a postal carrier because the government is stalking her, had scary lawsuit shit mailed to our house when she lives nearly 90 miles away in the boonies
>lies and claims she never intended to mail the letters, but there’s no other way the PO would know our address unless she filed it herself
>she’s so fucking notorious in the local postal network that several carriers on our route have asked us about her and why she’s acting psycho
>has my grandparents in a tizzy over her behavior, then she up and changes her mind and goes back to work part time
>c. 2011, has claimed that she has a variety of mysterious debilitating illnesses but nothing ever shows up in her bloodwork, CT scans, or MRIs. Still insists there’s something wrong with her to the point that everybody has to stop their damn life to pity her
>for nearly two years she’s walked around with a cane like an old man, suddenly this year she no longer has the cane and can walk normally? If questioned she gets mad and starts claiming we’re harassing her
>got into a massive fight with her at the end of last year because of her bullying me and my mother, told her off for hurting my mom, then she started accusing us of tape recording her and that we are selling her information to the government, claims I am getting paid to bully her
>accuses my nearly 80 year old grandfather who bends over backwards for her that he’s beaming heat rays into her brain or some crazy shit like that on the phone before his birthday and then ghosts him for months
>grandparents take her keys away from her because she’s insane and upsetting everyone, refuses to let us know when she’s coming to visit and is being disrespectful
>now she’s weaseling her way back into the home but she’s still being dumb
>dyed her hair a bunch of crazy colors to ‘throw off the spies’ and now is partially bald after a stylist bleached her hair orange and she shaved it off
>takes all the decals off of her cars and got the blackest presidential tint she could afford on her cheap ass Toyota because ‘muh government surveillance’, constantly gets pulled over by cops for looking like a drug runner
I know to outsiders I should have empathy for her but for a long time, my aunt was an abusive bully and is one of the meanest people I’ve ever known in my life. It’s hard to sympathize with someone who, when she was younger, was a privileged mistake. My grandmother even admitted once that she thought she is a psychopath because she legit feels no remorse for the horrific things she’s done in her past.
I feel a little better venting…
not that anon but i’m positive her family knows the aunt is mentally ill, how could they not? assuming anon lives in the USA tho, there’s not much they can really do. unless she threatens someone else or herself of course. but you can’t really make a mentally ill adult who hasn’t been declared unfit to live independently to get help as far as i know. >>416668
i feel for you, anon. i have a family member who shares some similar traits, it’s exhausting. hope you make it through the night without much trouble
Thank you anon. Thankfully she just left the house of her own volition a few minutes ago, for whatever reason. She was only here about three to four hours total. I heard our garage door go up and as my room is right in front of the drive, I could hear her packing up and driving off. I was in a deep sleep when she left, so I thought someone was trying to break in, went downstairs to check to make sure everything was okay, and saw the guest bedroom door open.
And yes to the other post (having trouble quoting), my mom and I know but my grandparents are kind of in denial. My mother and I - and most everyone else I know - keep our distance for obvious reasons, but my grandfather is the one who continues to encourage her in one way or another in the naive hope that she’ll magically get better. We get into arguments about this all the time. I told him a few weeks ago life doesn’t work like that and that she’s not getting better, that this isn’t just a nervous breakdown due to work stress, and that he needs to deal with the reality of her illness. He got really mad at me when I told him that you can’t just make her better, as he keeps telling himself that if he does XYZ, she’ll be herself again. I don’t want to see her, and I know most of my family feels the same.
I think secretly he blames my mom, my grandmother, and me for not ‘caring’ about her even though he knows she’s hurt us all in some way in the past. She was abusive
to my grandmother when she was young, stealing money and shit, and has always ostracized my mother to an extent out of jealousy. For a long time they didn’t speak to each other when they were in their 30’s, as my mother was tired of watching her dump her daughter on my grandmother to chase men and in general live a risky lifestyle.
mentioned, there’s really nothing we can do to force her to change. We’re in the USA and it’s no longer legal to throw someone in the nutty house unless they’re violent or a danger to themselves/society in some way. And even then, she’ll just be out in a few weeks anyway to be back doing whatever she wants. So far she’s still able to feed, bathe, and dress herself.
Recruiters are almost always a complete waste of time. Ime, you are much better off "hitting the pavement" (ie LinkedIn, Indeed, Craigslist if you're desperate) than going through these idiots.
>Is it so I can give the company my resume just to put it in their files for a future consideration?
You may not know this but there is a huge industry that's booming right now, "talent acquisition", that is basically about seeing who can throw the most bodies at any given position. I have a close friend who actually works for a company that builds the software recruiters use and imo it's essentially just sophisticated data collection.
Anyways they don't give a flying fuck about you that's why they always sound so cheery and make all these bullshit promises.
Anon, this sounds like schizophrenia.
I don’t blame you for hating her. Next time someone needs to take her to the doctor or the hospital or whatever, they should take her doctor aside privately and mention it. Can’t guarantee help but someone needs to ask for it. (If they haven’t already.)
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Why has it taken all my fucking life to realize I’m the problem. I’m not the victim, I never have been and I hate myself for thinking I was this entire time. I want to fucking stop being this person I’m done. I’ve already caused so much damage and I don’t know how to take any of it back.
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concealer doesnt work, because theyre actual physical hollows, as in deep depressions, under my eyes. no amount of concealer is going to hide that, because the shadows on my face make them visible. theyre like pic related but worse.
could you please post, im seriously considering it.
also, how was the experience of getting them?
and once youve gotten it done, can you feel it or do you just not feel anything.
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anyone know how to cope with a parent who is becoming a hoarder and a parent who accomodates their behavior? or do i just need to save up and move out asap…
some of you might read my post and remember me posting about this in vent threads before. pic related is what some of the rooms in the house look like due to my mother. i think she's becoming a hoarder. i'll try to detail as much as possible.
i'm 20 and desperately want to move out but it's really expensive to live on your own here. i commute to college and i also keep the house clean. i admit, i'm a huge neat freak. the kind of person that will get annoyed if someone puts something in the fridge the wrong way. so, i do most of the household chores, and i really prefer it being that way. i am good at cleaning and it makes me feel good, so i do it nearly every day. house is spic and span otherwise, except these few rooms. she's becoming a hoarder. my dad agrees but is enabling her. he says when he watches the hoarder shows my mom acts the way hoarders do when confronted about the state of their home. she is definitely doing what hoarders do early on. she wasn't always like this; she was a neat freak when i was a kid and i'm sure that's half the reason i am such a neat freak.
my mother runs an etsy store and out of all these items, she has around 175 items in her store right now. it takes time for her to list things, because she has to research and figure out what she wants to price it at. yes, she makes good money on the side. but nearly every day she comes home with sometimes BOXES of things. i mean really, hundreds of items. sometimes it's quite literally junk. she puts them wherever, and i rightfully bring it downstairs, as it is my job to keep the house clean and presentable, and i don't need junk littering the tables, the floor, and all surfaces in the house. but the den and basement i don't touch because, well, there's nowhere else to put all her shit. the den is "her" room and she sits in there all day when she's home, bidding on stuff and looking for other sales to go to. when she's not out at one, working, or in the den, she's on her phone in the kitchen, doing what you may guess, looking for other sales and things to bid on.
it's been like this for a few years. it worsened after i started commuting to a nearby university instead of living at the previous college i attended. she used to just buy some neat stuff at sales as decor, and she got me into a lot of unique vintage stuff too. but this is over the top, right? every room she uses becomes this way. her car is disgusting too. i will NOT share a bathroom with her because it ends up looking like these rooms. on top of that, she has been neglecting my father and i, and even herself.
she sleeps on the couch, doesn't shower enough, started smoking again, doesn't sleep much, and only talks to us when she's drinking now that i think about it… i tell her it's rude to stare at her phone instead of making eye contact when we're having a conversation, but she gets angry. my dad says absolutely nothing and sits there like a child. when i try to confront her about all of this, i make sure it's at a time where we aren't busy, have privacy, etc. i don't yell, and i don't call her names. i lay out how i'm feeling and tell her that she honestly needs to change her behavior, etc. my mom will ignore me, cry, or go out to smoke, acting like a pedantic child. last night this happened was Thursday, and when she left to smoke my dad said i was right, but my "approach" was wrong. well then, she needs a fucking therapist. i shouldn't sugarcoat things for her, because that's what my dad does, and it obviously isn't working. this is worsening. my mom is out of her mind and when i ask her where something is, she gets mad because she knows i will comment on her mess, saying well obviously there's a reason she can't find it. i'm sick of this shit. all she does is act like an entitled teenager, and it's freaking me out. i thought I was the kid, not anymore i guess. NOTHING WORKS WITH HER. i tell her i like her hobby, but she needs to list more stuff before she buys more stuff, it doesn't work. i tell her once i move out she will have trouble keeping things clean. according to her, i am just a child and it's HER house so she can do whatever she wants. it's also my dad's house too and he agrees that it's unfair of her to make these impossible messes because we live with her and we have to put up with it. if i ask her to organize anything, she will huff and puff and make every excuse in the book to not do it, and will say she'll do it "someday soon". nothing ever gets done. she says it's all because she works so much. that's bullshit, because on weekends she is at home all day on her fucking computer buying more shit instead of cleaning up. it takes her months to list ANYTHING on etsy and for every hundred items she buys, she will maybe list one of them. i could go on and on, but i think that's the gist of it.
so tell me, farmers, am i the insane mentally ill one here, or is my mother gaslighting me?
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Didn’t hurt really slight pinches. Sore for a few days. Sometimes slight bruising. Sorry for shitty collage I’m on mobile, I hope this can show clearly enough.
wow, it looks fab. how old were you when you got it done?>>416888
the difficult thing is that she's almost disguising her hoarding with her business, so it seems reasonable if you don't explain the rest. she's clearly depressed/neglecting herself. you should emphasize this to your dad. this is not great and she needs help.
Yes anon I remember you! Hello, I responded about my mom also doing something similar but never selling anything.
I have a question, how is her behavior towards you? My mom was also abusive
so I skedaddled out there ASAP.
You don't deserve to live in this mess and your father enabling her isn't helping. It's obviously affecting the quality of your life. She should set a limit to how many things she can buy have in stock and get a storage space. Maybe discuss this with you father to set up an intervention, if anything you might have to talk to a fire marshal if you think this has become a safety risk.
my dad likely won't do anything. my mom is completely delusional nowadays, but she wasn't like this at all when i was a kid. she's not abusive
towards me, but this whole situation i feel is a little abusive
. she even showed my aunt a while ago and my aunt thought it looked fine… which freaked me out a lot.
i can't tell my mom what to do. whenever i have, she says i am just a child and she is the parent so she can do what she wants and i can't tell her what to do.
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I smiled in this one
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I missed such a huge what if opportunity and really regretting it.
A boy came into the store where I work at and started flirting with me when I was scanning his purchases.
We were getting along so well just talking about whatever was coming into our heads smiling and laughing. I can't believe how something like that can make me feel so delighted.
This is the first time a boy came onto me in a public space and it felt so magical and surreal because I have never experienced it before. I live in the pacific northwest and boys here are just so reserved that they don't really try approaching or flirting with girls. He said we should exchange numbers and I declined on impulse like an idiot. After he left I just felt upset the rest of the work shift. I just kept rethinking the whole interaction from when he entered the store. I didn't perceive him as anyone special then by the time he left it was like I saw him in a completely diffrent light.
I have only managed to start relationships through dating apps but after this I really don't want to try starting a relationship through them ever again. I get so many matches online that it makes me overwhelmed. None of any of those online matches and meetings with any of the dates I went on have given me this special exciting feeling of being flirted with in person at a completely unexpected time and place with someone who I just encountered. Dating apps make everything feel so pre-planned.I really want this kind of thing to happen to me again because it felt so exciting but it just feels so unlikely it will. But I'm so unconvinced because of this silent cultural stigma thats arisen that discourages boys from approaching to flirt with girls they don't know in public. Do most boys have this internal condemnation for themselves that approaching and expressing an interest in a girl they have a healthy natural attraction and want to get to know better isn't appropriate if its in a public place and only okay on a dating app?
I wish we had a culture that encouraged boys to actually take risks to flirt and ask us out in person instead of taking the dating app way. I really wish that would change?
I've just been so down on myself for screwing up what could of been such an interesting start to a relationship to actually learn about someone and they learn about me over time. We were getting along so well when we were talking. I miss having a boyfriend and having intimate moments together. I want to feel wanted by someone and I don't know if he's ever going to come back into the shop again.
My thoughts exactly. I love attention from a cute and respectful guy who genuinely gets along. But I also recall being solicited by absolute entitled creeps who would throw tantrums if I wasn't polite.
I used to work at a grocery store as a late teen and I cashiered. I'll never forget having to write a fake number down on a piece of receipt paper because there wasn't any other way I could have gotten this older, ugly, and pushy man out of my lane when he insisted I give him mine.
I have approached boys before and tried to give them hints that I'm interested in them but they never seem to work out and they always seem avoidant to actually dating me and getting into relationships. Lot of my friends took the reins in approaching boys and they get into relationships with them. Maybe there is a trick to it I just keep missing.
I guess I'm just being greedy because it just felt so good to have a boy make the first move to flirt with me since thats never really happened and I want it to happen again. Made me feel really womanly which is nice because I'm told I'm kind of masculine.
Sorry to hear that you got harassed by old men who should clearly know better.
You've gotta ask them out/ask for their number. There are no hints with men.
Oddly enough I feel opposite to you, I hate being hit on because it makes me anxious somehow. Approaching guys feels right though, probably since the men I like are unconventional and I like flattering them.>>416571
Sorry I didn't see this until now, anon! (pun unintended)
YEAH, I've seen people with long ass nails putting them in sloppily and overwearing them and not having problems so assumed it would be smooth sailing.
I got the disposable kind so I don't even keep them after wearing them once, thinking this would protect me from any issues. Not the case I guess. Although I am suspecting they may be too small? I recall my optometrist said I have oval eyes or something at the time.
Of course my paranoid ass is now afraid I have glaucoma despite being checked when I got my contacts. Hopefully not.
Thank you for your well wishes anyway! I hope you continue to be infection free because eye pain is annoying and scary as fuck.
I'm really sorry about your situation anon, I know how you feel. My mum has a pretty obsessive nature, and she was consumed with eBay and accumulating shit that we didn't need because "just in case", and she was adamant that she had to keep everything. Since she sold stuff on eBay (very occasionally), she was constantly buying things to resell and it overtook our house. Fortunately, she kinda hopped onto the minimalism/marie kondo trend and with my help has been slowly letting go of things and realising she's happier with less. I think the minimalism trend was the kick up the arse and motivation that got her to the point were I don't think she'll slip back into her hoarding habits.
In my opinion, it seems like the only way to improve how your mum is, is with professional help. It's really difficult when people (especially people we only wish the best for) view us trying to help as a personal attack and become defensive in retaliation. There's this documentary by Jasmine Harmon on youtube where she tries to help her hoarder mother and one thing that always stuck with me is that it gets to a point were when you're trying to help these people, you're only really putting yourself through more hurt and becoming more frustrated and angry than the person hoarding, and that'll make you resent them more. When you're living at home surrounded by the hoard it's a different story though, it's painful to watch a family member get dragged down by this disorder with little to no way of getting through to them.
I really hope things improve for you ♥
YES. that sounds like shit but here's my list of garbage i need to repair, and but i own, so i'm totally fucked:
- need pipes replaced bc they're literally a banned material and are going to burst and destroy my house any time now ($10,000 job)
- water heater replaced ($1000)
- lighting replaced ($1000)
- new washer/dryer ($1200)
- carpet needs to be replaced because it's so worn down that i'm falling down the stairs ($1000)
like all absolute necessities i need now and it's overwhelming as fuck.>>417010
i don't think whoever it was specifically said lamps. someone posted a picture of this ugly yellow vintage hanging lamp on a table or something and they were also not american
For friends and bf be all of that yourself (everyone who posts on lcf is capable to be that)
As for financial stability…why can't you get that? Debts? What happened?
Can confirm. I've been depressed and suicidal most of my life and it ruined my relationship because I am a huge drain on everyone and my gf tried to be very, very patient with me… until I attempted suicide. She just couldn't handle it and we drifted apart.
I know friends/loved ones can help, but all I can think of now that I lost them all is that I put them through so much shit by being an unstable mess. They didn't deserve it. I hope they're with happier more sane people nowadays. And I can find comfort knowing that nobody has to suffer because of me ever again.
She seems to just mean that she desires an OK life but I'm not sure:>wants a stable wallet>wants nice friends>and a cute bf
That's normal. Bf should be the last thing on her list, wallet first. And she knows what to do to get a stable wallet, and I am not assuming she's in a shitty country right now.
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I just left a family gathering and I met one of my dads brothers who I said "I don't remeber you" to when I was younger. I don't ever recall doing that or even knowing the guy, but my entire family recalls the incident. I feel like a dick
you were a kid and kids say dumb shit. don't feel bad about that lmao.
i once told one of my uncles when i was like, 4, "don't talk to me. i don't like you." when he greeted me once and it's just something people laugh off. kids are kids.
though that particular uncle really is a dick though, so my parents find it especially funny that i told him basically what everyone was thinking.
I can't help but feel like this is a bad move. I had this online friend since 2017 though we went months without talking. And I fell for him those last 3 weeks, it's been amazing. I've never felt so good. He knows all the good and bad of me. But today he told me that he still has "things to solve" with his ex who he broke up with 2 months ago. About 2 weeks ago she wanted to talk to him too, and he told me she wanted to go back to him. And he says he's very firm in his position, he doesn't want the relationship back, yet he'll go there grab a coffee and have a chat with her to solve those "things" to allow him to become more emotionally available today - almost his wrods exactly.
I had already made plans to visit him on his city this year. I just feel crushed. I deleted his number. That's what I've been doing, so I can't initiate a conversation even if I really want to, no matter how drunk I may get.
I just can't, why was he talking to me being all lovey dovey and making plans if his mind is still with his ex somewhere, even if he has no intentions of rebounding? for fuck's sake, I'm just so tired. But I feel like I'm taking the wrong decision still… I told him I would distance myself and that I felt hurt, I feel so stupid. In my book, if you have no children or there's no divorce papers to sign there's no reason to keep seeing an ex.
my love related loneliness is starting to eat away at me. i don't know how an inherently romantic person, basically the hopeless romantic character trope, could be so devoid of finding love. the more i lack a partner the more my soul literally withers away and dies. i can feel it. i don't know what the issue is, i don't know if i'm doomed to not find a guy because that's what's going to slowly kill me, or what, despite other areas of my life being generally well balanced and downright great. not to mention i turn 23 this year, my maternal senses are starting to slowly creep up on me, and the thought of being in my mid 20s without a soulmate or even foreseeable prospect of starting a family would be fucking suffocating, not to mention maybe even suicidal. i can feel myself becoming more and more tired. i don't know if i'm just really ugly, especially in comparison to my friends, despite generally having a huge amount of self confidence and a healthy ego i'm really starting to feel like i might be a disgusting fucking freak and it's all down to my looks.
I lost a decent amount, roughly ~80 pounds back in 2014 but I still had horrible self-esteem. Barely any full body photos of me exist even though I was the lightest I'd been in my adult life. I felt like I got more male attention but I attracted the same abusive
types because of my confidence and overcompensation issues. Probably scared off anyone decent because I wasn't happy at the center. I didn't notice any difference in the way anyone else treated me, and even at an average weight I still got dogged occasionally online for being ~fatty~.
I have a friend who lost a fuckton of weight, I believe over 100 pounds if not more, and now she's skinny. She's suffering the same self-confidence issues though. I feel really, really badly because of what she's going through and wish she didn't feel the way she does. She's told me she's very depressed and suicidal.
tl;dr work on your self-esteem now because it doesn't get magically better with weight loss for everyone.
>>417295>finding clothes is so much easier>feel comfy in body thanks to exercise>more confident around men, posture improved greatly>don't feel like shit the same way I did after eating awful food
But I do struggle with dysmorphia and feeling like I'm still a BIG OGRESS even when I'm not, and have just found other things to dislike when the mood strikes (hair, nose, skin, etc.)
said you need to work on your mental health alongside your regular health. The higher the amount you lose the more dramatic the BDD may be, too. So keep that in mind.
But personally I'm still even sort of chunky-average and I feel great most of the time.
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>second time in a row I've had a boring, milquetoast date off Tinder despite the person coming off as really interesting and nice via messages
>mfw the food was shite at the restaurant he picked too and now I'm dressed up for nothing and the evening is wasted
That's when you start sneezing on door handles and coughing up a lung while 'accidentally' forgetting to cover your mouth.
Fuck workplaces with no sick policies and fuck coworkers who only want a team when it's to their benefit.
I would go dumbphone but I need to check mails for work.
Honestly, I would like to stop using internet so much but it has been my default for so much time now that I actually don't know how. Even half a day without feel daunting and weird. I get antsy, about to have a panic attack and have no idea what to do with myself even if I plan stuff to do. I'd need a professional intervention and it would still be hard since I have an internet related job.
Maybe I should go full hipster, go raise goats in the country and it would finally cure all of my anxiety.
Went behind my back and cheated on me after a many years relationship
Dragged me into their relationship drama
Manipulated my feelings and hurt to pretty much drive me to self harm and almost suicide
It’s a long story …
But he had the nerve after to apologize for ruining my life then turn around and trash talk me when I called out his stupid apology
He’s a stalker who won’t leave me alone and has affected my job and my life because he’s crazy
I hate how second/third gen Asian immigrants in the west act like they magically know everything about (japan/Korea/China/whatever) just because they’re genetically Asian. They think they know more about those countries than non Asians who actually live in them. Like last time I checked you don’t gain experiences through your DNA. I had some obese Asian American twitter cam girl attack me bc I said something about how bad the sex industry is in Japan and she went all “you’re white, shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t talk about my country” like bitch you were born and raised in Florida. Apparently just having Japanese parents makes you more knowledgeable about Japan than somebody who is white but has lived there long term. I still don’t understand that logic, how tf does that make ANY SENSE?
Had another one go off on me saying “white people are evil and dangerous” bc I made a joke about how H&M japan is replacing their products with special Asian fit ones so now their pants are too short for me.
Asian Americans need to chill
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What's wrong with liking yaoi? It's pretty much the only form of smut I can enjoy since I can't identify/project onto the protagonists because I'm female. Anything sexual with a woman in it tends to make me uncomfortable because women are just treated so badly and are obviously not enjoying themselves. It's all so rapey. I can't even into gay porn because the men are ugly.
I thought that this was kinda weird until I read >>417529
. At least you won't your fam will never need to lie at your funeral about how you passed away.
I didn't say the 2nd gen kids aren't cringy. I just don't think they're as bad as the weebs they argue with.>>417561
Yeah lmao. Because its so much harder to switch jobs than learn a new language and move all your possessions to the other side of the planet. Obviously that's what happened.
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Can't stop thinking about a guy who I made shit his pants when I talked to him back in February.
It's probably just the mystique since he never let me talk to him again, and moments that gave me a chance to follow up I failed to take advantage of.
He just gave me very mixed signals. Despite all of this he also smiled and said hi to me shyly afterwards but also wouldn't stop once to actually talk to me. Did he just have anxiety? I'll never know.
But I'm so stuck on him. I'm kicking myself for not even approaching him with an "I'm sorry if I bothered you when we last talked haha!" when I had several chances. Or I could have complimented his haircut when he got it right after we spoke so he knew I wasn't teasing him. idk.
Damn, you sound just like I was a year ago.
For me it was just how I externalize anxiety (along with hypochondria). I'd get explosively angry over nonsense like high pitched voices and being sweaty. I punched and broke things because of tripping on the floor. And when it came to concepts that directly inspired anxiety (negative social situations, failure, unpredictable circumstances) I'd punch or cut myself. Just existing in the world, especially around people, was overwhelming and made me constantly on the edge of rage. I also ghosted people because they tired me out.
I'm still like it sometimes but have managed to reduce it. Exercise helps, as well as talking to someone about whatever anxiety I have at the moment. idk if you have any trauma, but it can definitely manifest as anger issues too. I'd recommend therapy if you don't have anyone in your life who will take you seriously.
Best of luck, anon.
Unless you want to, in the future, be living in a half-done house with a baby, unmarried, while his dodgy friends continue to take drugs and talk about stabbing people I would bail now
It's not really going to get better from here, sorry to say, and those friends and dangerous places (which he needs to go to for drug availability!!) seem like a liability. I may sound prissy here and judgemental but very few guys like this are able to drop their bad habits and grow up, and it seems like a horrible environment to be potentially stuck in.
Just read the last bit about having a public fight with his side-ho in front of you. Uuuugvvhhh why Anon
Get out of there. What a fuckin' mess.
He swears he's never cheated on me but obviously he lies so I'm doubtful. He does come up and spend days at my place sometimes. The girl in question was all over these other 2 guys and was fighting with them in the smoking area too. I couldn't tell if she was denying going home with one of them when she went on about the slut stuff. I did ask my bf at the time wtf that was about she was sitting at the bar and idk if she was just looking a drink. He did say he'd call her over to prove it but I just want to say this was like a paramilitary bar and the girl in question looked like she wouldn't hesitate to get in a fight. Funny thing was I was chatting to her earlier in the night before that but I was with my friend while bf was sniffing gear in the toilets. But obviously I don't trust him.
I know the whole thing is hopeless I just want to feel vindicated somehow by knowing everything. He left for work this morning he stayed up cuz he knew I was annoyed at him but he didn't want to talk about it. I've been down all day over thinking but maybe it's not overthinking it's justified you know. I'm just venting I'm so mad it's made me so unproductive all day and sick. I know if he makes me this upset consistently it's over I'm just so sad.
You're not overthinking this, it is justified. There's so many red flags there you could start up your own store.
Regarding the lies, he absolutely is not telling you even half of what happens/what he does, the girl is a bit of a clue. What has happened between them that could lead to her calling him her boyfriend? It just seems like he spends a lot of time hanging around with literal strangers, as you said. All judgement aside it's just not safe to have so many aggressive strangers thinking they are connected to him, presumably all gained/met on previous drugged up nights out. I would be unsure and unsettled in that situation too.
>>417780>My country has always topped the greenest countries lists, we're already doing so much but what the fuck does it matter if I pick a plastic straw at a restaurant when China and the US collectively take a shit in the ocean.
Lol after my parents came back from a trip to the US they also decided that from now on they're no longer going to be as enviromentally conscious, because with how Americans act all our efforts are for nothing anyway. Want a tampon? You have to go through 5 layers of packaging first. Serving your costumers food on real dishes? Overrated, that's what disposable ones exist for. Everybody drives a gigantic car, so big that it wouldn't even fit on a european parking lot or into a smaller alley.
Most governments in the EU are trying to guilt trip their citizens, meanwhile they're doing shit like funding coal mining - and India and Co. are are trying their best to make everybody die as fast as possible anyway.
I don't feel at fault for the climate change or any pressure to do something at all.
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>>417780>what the fuck does it matter if I pick a plastic straw at a restaurant when China and the US collectively take a shit in the ocean
Do some research before blindly jumping on the America hate train like people always do.
I'm surprised India isn't on there at all, I always hear people lump it with China in terms of ecology.
I don't agree with the "since no one makes an effort then neither should I" mentality, anyway. It's precisely because others think that way that even countries with specific ecological guidelines still pollute and waste so much. Doing small things like not supporting shitty fast fashion, buying local products and not throwing out so much food is good for you AND the environment. You might get pseudo-ecologists shaming you for not doing "enough", but what matters is that you're doing what you can.
>>417780>what the fuck does it matter if I pick a plastic straw at a restaurant when China and the US collectively take a shit in the ocean
Do you really not understand that it's not just about you as an individual? And that if everyone thinks this way, there's a shitton more pollution?
Oh but I guess you're special and YOU don't have to care about the environment, I guess all the other people will have to do that.
You can do both? Reduce your own footprint so that companies can't sell you so much shit AND request more responsibility from companies and politicians. You have to do both.
Also, use your whining on the Internet about how you can't give up your car to actually do something and join the citizens climate lobby.
This, I for one am glad I live in a clean country full of green forests where everyone recycles and rides a bicycle. I've been to the US, it's a beautiful place but they have really big problems with governance, both they and China. They're shooting themselves in the foot ultimately, because they're the ones who won't have the green technology to sustain themselves when push comes to shove and they're the ones who won't have drinkable water (which is already happening) and will have to buy bottled tap water sold by Nestlé.
Also, there are global initiatives to lobby for greener solutions in countries that need them like the US and China. Join some. Also think about bringing back the guillotine. Just saying.
>>417793>Also, use your whining on the Internet about how you can't give up your car to actually do something and join the citizens climate lobby.
Her vent is exactly about people like you, who act all high and mighty and think they somehow have the right to dictate strangers lifes.
This is her freetime and she chooses to write something here; why are you not doing anything productive instead of reading and fighting on lolcow, huh? Go join your local feminist club, go help in an elderly peoples home instead. Why do you pay for a phone/computer and the internet when you could also donate that money to children in need?
All of us could always do better, so don't act like you're superior.
Me too anon. I've started seeing a psychologist but it doesn't seem to really help me. In fact, talking about the issues that make me anxious so much (I've got ptsd issues on top of the winning depression&anxiety combo) just seems to make me think about them and get anxious about them more. I just want to forget what happened but even if I consciously make an effort to stop feeling like shit about it I constantly have horrible dreams about it.
At the same time I'm trying to still be a functional human being and not fail university but self-medicating with drugs doesn't work anymore and I can't afford actual medication. Soon enough I'll have to stop my therapy because it's too expensive as well.
I'm a migraine machine lately and I have no idea what's causing it. I even started to have one in the middle of sex last night and had to just stop everything and silently curl up into a ball until I fell asleep. I don't think I'm dehydrated or any more stressed than usual, it's freaking me out. This would be a sad existence. >>417642
I'm glad I made you laugh anon. Hopefully you're on to better things!
I think I'm better because
1) I've already joined and that's why I'm recommending it,
2) I'm not throwing a tantrum on the internet about how I'm too precious to recycle and make an effort because "what about big bad American companies! Blame them, not me!", and
3) I don't make fun of people who are doing their best to make the world a better place, however imperfectly and think I'm so special and smart unlike those recycling vegan sheeple
In other words, OP is a whiny piss baby who needs to grow up and realise people are doing all these things because everyone should, and someone else not doing it doesn't absolve you of your responsibility towards your environment, other people and future generations.
>>417806>I remember some anon posting in a vent thread about how she's being suicidal and depressed because of environmental issues
Except that anon literally had OCD, and no one told her she was "virtuous", anons either shared her worries or told her to seek medical help. You either misunderstood her completely or you're lying to fuel your ~I truly care about ecology and you're all crazy posers~ narrative.
Just keep doing what you're doing for the environment and stop measuring dicks with everyone else, honestly.
People tend to act like talk therapy is this incredible tool (especially in Europe) but I genuinely think it's not for everyone. Especially if you're anxious or depressed chronically. Therapy makes me dwell on my problems and the past. I also always feel like skit for a week straight after because I can't talk about things affecting me without bawling my eyes out which in turn takes a toll physically and emotionally because it puts me in state of intense distress.
Workbooks have been far more help for me.
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How come the US is better than e.g. France, Germany or Austria…?
Repurpose products, buy used (at least my third world shithole is full of second hand shops), use less, buy local, only buy if you have to, make your own stuff and inquire about citizen initiatives. Terracycle might operate in your country but its not guaranteed.
My parents live in rural Serbia and have been zero waste before it was cool, so that's how I know it's doable. What they do differently is they talk to their neighbours and people they know about different issues and people help each other out.
The local youth group also organise themselves to clean up rivers and have recycling initiatives, and it was all started by one guy so people definitely have more of an impact than they think.
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My girlfriend said that she gets off to the thought of me raping her and then uses her being a csa victim as an excuse and it just makes me feel so, so incredibly disgusted, because I‘d never fucking rape anyone.
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this is such a petty thing and I know i'm too wrapped up in the social media game but the Cosplay comm is so messed up right now.
I dont even care about sexy cosplayers anymore but it's cosplayers that buy 3 costumes off ebay a month and post new content all the time that is sub-par onto instagram and get so much more attention than those who make costumes.
I make the vast majority of my costumes from scratch as i compete a lot and I can't keep up with the social media game, then someone buys a cheaply make, cheaply looking costume, puts and unstyled wig on, shit inaccurate makeup, puts They/them on their profile and boom, 500 likes off the bat.
I think whats set me over the edge is that a cosplayer i know that had a good following (10k+ on insta) who buys everything is BEGGING for any con to have them guest at, specifically as a cosplayer, and rumor has it a con has their eyes on them when there are hundreds of talented cosplayers who make everything that will never get the chance because of numbers.
I'm just salty because those cosplayers that put more effort into the hobby are put onto the backseat these days compared to those who can buy all the cheap shit and be content with it.
Trying to find cosplayers who make thier own stuff regularly is really hard these days, i'd love to follow more of them and not insta-thots.
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we put him down yesterday and i've been in a fast spiral. i drank last night and today i think i'm in a manic episode, in my past i realize manic episodes is how my bipolar+bpd brain responds to intense sadness, flipping it to the extreme. i'm sad, scared.. everything. i miss him. i want to go off the walls, it feels stupid going this far for a dog but i'm not okay, trying to schedule an appointment with my therapist. this is him, he was so great.
rape fantasies are actually not uncommon at all in victims
of sexual abuse and it doesn't mean she thinks you'd do anything to her without prior consent, the point of the fantasy is reliving the event in a way that they can regain control. She should probably get help.
I posted this further upthread, but I hope it'll help you anon. https://www.reddit.com/r/baww/comments/1m7exu/dogs_never_die/
Losing a pet is never easy, and don't think it's stupid that you're going through this. It's understandable! Your sweet boy was a family member, it's completely okay that you're upset over this. I'm glad that you're trying to seek help with your therapist. I hope that you'll feel better.
I remember reading somewhere this idea that "The only love we are given from others is what we believe we are worth."
You really should not be involved with someone who sounds like a train wreck.
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This coworker is such a rube >>416511
His latest antic comes from me trying to file an expense report for a business trip recently.
I got an email back from the approver who sent it back with some acronym gibberish on what to do to fix it, instead of just writing in plain English.
I was trying to figure out what it meant before I resubmitted. Like I want my fucking money and per diem back lol.
I said out loud "What does 'ESS' mean?" And coworker stuck his nose into my email and pulled up a chair. He couldn't make heads or tails of what it meant either, but insisted that it must have meant I wasn't getting my money back on certain things and to file it as billable to me.
So I said I'd double check with the approver on what she meant before I changed anything, because that didn't seem right.
WELL. He actually got huffy and copped an attitude because I wasn't just going to take his word that it meant I wasn't going to get my money. He was all "Oh? So I guess you're not going to listen to me. Ok. Well is it alright if I laugh in your face later when you're wrong?" He got up and took the chair back and then went out for his millionth smoke.
And guess what? Turns out the acronym just meant I had to change the site location on the report. Nothing to do with not getting my money back.
But did I rub it in his face and laugh at his ass? No, because I'm not a petty muppet who gets aggressive over non issuss.
thank you so much, i'm trying to hold on desperately. i'm currently staying at my boyfriend's house but i'm afraid to go home as his.. disappearance will hurt>>417945
thank you too, i love this link and i actually sent it to my mother as well and she loved it too.
it hurts a lot but i'm at least happy he isn't suffering, he was disabled, spina bifida disformed his back and one of his legs.. i don't believe in heaven but for him, i hope they give him the strongest wings, so he never suffers with walking
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So when I was a younger teen, I abused laxatives a ton because I was in the throes of an eating disorder. I stopped when I was 19 and it’s been about two years since I’ve even thought about using them, but only bc the ED switched to restricting instead of B/P.
I would just tell ppl I had IBS and that was why I had to go to the bathroom so much and so many bought it that I never bothered to tell the truth. but recently, I started dating, taking hormonal birth control, and I’ve been eating more and I’m gaining weight and now I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. I’ve used like three packs of laxatives in the past two weeks because I’ve felt so guilty and it’s just made me so sick and tired but I can’t stop. I feel like I literally have no self control and I emotionally eat too, which just goes back into the cycle.
The worst part is, I lied to my boyfriend and told him I have IBS and he thinks that I just can’t help being on the toilet all the time when I know it’s all my own fault. I want to tell him the truth but we’ve been dating for a few months and I don’t want him to think that I’m just a liar and more of a burden than I know I already am on him. I don’t know what to do about anything and I feel so out of control of everything in my life.
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I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately, and it's reignited my irrational hatred for Felicia Day. I know nothing about her, but I genuinely hope she's a terrible person because at least I'd be vindicated in being fed up with her. I'm so tired of her guesting on shit.
you're not alone anon. i have suffered for the past 7 years with an ED too. i abuse laxatives like candy. i gain and lose the same 30 lbs, over and over again, sometimes multiple times during the year. it's so hard to control myself.
i have been with my bf for 2 years now. it took me about 5 or 6 months to open it all up to him. he is very understanding about it. i understand not feeling ready to tell him, but i think it's a good idea to let him know eventually. that way, if he's an asshole about it, it would maybe be in your best interest to leave him.
eating disorders suck. why is it so hard to just handle life normally? sigh.
I've gained an insane amount of the weight the last couple years due to just constantly eating shit; I'm also 200lbs now.
I always thought that I was normal before having had an ED as a young teen, but thinking back, I was actually already binging to the point of crying because my stomach hurt so much when I was just around 6 or so. No idea why that is…? but it sucks
Made my teeth clench just reading it. I know some people never learn, but have you tried talking to her about it and showing her the proper way to do it? If she's not a complete asshole she might take your advice. Sorry you got stuck with such a moron; everyone should know how to do their laundry. >>417933
He's even cuter than I imagined, I'm so sorry! It's okay to be upset, losing a loved one is never easy. It's also good practice for when you lose a person.
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fucking blew my last two job opportunities because of my anxiety. now i cant seem to land anything. im gonna keep calling places and submitting resumes and hopefully it works out but goddamn im so depressed and angry at myself.
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My boyfriend called me a liar while I was telling him my genuine feelings about how I just wanted to help him and that helping him would help me feel better.
I've posted about this man at least 5 times in these threads, yet I'm still with him…
Because I love him to death. He does, and when things are good, things are amazing between us.
But when they get bad, it's explosive and destructive to both of us.
I kept telling him I wanted to help him financially because it would make me happy to support him since he doesn't make much money.
He raged at me, comparing me to his abusive
father, and said I was a liar when I said I wanted to help him and I had no problem sending him financial help (as he helps me financially too)
Anon don’t be a fucking idiot. Respect yourself and don’t let dudes fuck you without a condom, especially not a new fling. You probably don’t even know if he’s clean let alone the pregnancy risks. And letting him cum inside you? Christ what the fuck, are you 15?
I don’t get these girls that casually teehee forget to use condoms. I’ve had my fair share of flings or one night stands and I’ve been very, very drunk as well and still had the sense to say “condom” beforehand.
Don’t let these fuckboys use you.
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I love my cats so much and it makes me so mad they can’t understand me when I put them through a stressful situation that won’t harm them and is for their health
I fucking LOVE them
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>Be a depressed NEET
>Get into a relationship 1 yrs ago
>Start eating a lot better and generally having a life
>Disgusted at the big cellulite ridden ass I have now
>Face got rounder in the cutest way
>Bf obsessed with touching my new butt and boobs
I don't want to be a fatty, but I'm obsessed with looking at my face in the mirror, I just look so much nicer with some fat under my skin.
I'm tired of being mommy gf. I guess it's my own fault. I start doing things trying to make his life easier because he is so irresponsible, and then suddenly it's expected of me.
This morning it happened again. I woke up at the first ring of the alarm and he didn't. I have to leave for work a bit later than him. He, after hitting snooze like 2 times, he asks me to wake him up in 15 minutes. I water the plants, feed the cat, make coffee, open the windows, prep the meals for us etc. I end up trying to wake him up like 4 times and he just won't. Then he wakes up at the last minute and is late and grumpy and says to me I should have gotten him out of bed someday, pushed him or something.
Why are men like this? How is him waking up my responsability? I don't want to date an older guy, but ffs, is any guy in their 20's not a video game addicted and immature?
Anyway, he is a great guy, I love him and he is good to me. But I always end up having to pick up after him, and probably it's my own fault.
Fuck, I also feel like I have a teenage son sometimes. My bf cleans, but only when I tell him what to do. All I want is him to take some responsibility and not wait for me to ask him to do the fucking dishes every single time (after I cooked, did laundry, hoovered, and everything else). And he takes his sweet time to get anything done. I've tried talking about it but he just gets offended because he thinks he does so much already. He does not even notice that I do 90% of the chores.
I don't know anon, I look everywhere around me and they are all like this. I am sure they love us, but they do not even know how to love in the way we do: actually taking acre, making their life easier. I legit think they lack the empathy. I also think it's deeply ingrained in their brains that it is women's work, even if they are one of those male-feminist types (ew). It fucking sucks. Sometimes I can't help man-hating.
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Don't worry about it, sis. Your instincts on this are right. On her list of achievements is constantly making poop jokes, bragging about her ability to steal boyfriends at cons, being an actual gold digger to an assumed pedophile old enough to be her grandpa, and worst of all, standing the company of Wil Wheaton. Even her whole schtick of being le quirky Girl Gamer goddess had worn out its welcome a decade before her prominence.
Okay, they're innately evil then. Still doesn't change that you need to be direct.
Say no once,
Say no louder,
Bring out the pepper spray.
Set some rules for him and make him write those rules down in a notebook
That ususually helps in training men
I love a man that doesn't know even how to clean too. I don't even want to say his age or how disgusting his apartment was.
The irony is he's like almost OCD with hand washing or if a speck of dirt is on his clothes.
Men are disgusting and incompetent. I only forgive it because he works much more than me so it's a trade-off. It still says a lot to me about his character though.
I hope I don't get made fun of for venting about food but I think I've been doing better recently, I'd like to get some thoughts off my chest.
So ever since I was a kid I've always tied food with reward.
My mother's side would culturally always offer food whenever I did well at school, was sad, or there was an occasion. I was chided for not eating. Food just became my default so I was an overweight child. My dad's side saw this as a problem but weren't articulate enough to explain the issue to a little girl. Dad side's logic was to counter this with things like withholding food even when I was hungry, forcibly reducing my portions without explanation, telling me I was fat, and saying how boys would never want me.
There was also a separate phase I went through as a child when I suddenly feared choking. As a result I didn't eat anything that required chewing and I lost a shit ton of weight. It was enough for my mom to take notice and threaten me with taking me to the doctor to "have a tube put down my throat." I started eating again, terrified that not eating was very bad. In high school I told my mom how I wanted to go vegan for a bit to see if that would help with my weight, and she accused me of being eating disordered.
Neither of my parents were very good examples on how take care of themselves. They either had disordered eating habits or ate a lot of crap. I didn't learn about and start understanding calories and nutrition until high school. I never saw either of them dedicate any time to physical exercise. Hell, I didn't even realize it was normal in some families to make exercise as part of their routine like how someone would brush their teeth or wash their clothes until I was older. I played summer sports and a couple of sports in high school but I was never good. Kids in high school actually made fun of me and the coaches despised me, so I also associated exercise with feelings of inadequacy.
My parents were divorced since I was a baby, so I never knew anything between them but bitterness and chaos. Meal times were actually some of the only times when I'd see them calm and thus I'd feel at ease. On the days when they transferred visitation of me, I'd double dip meals by having a dinner with my dad-who would take me out for fast food since he didn't cook or have a functioning kitchen-and then go to my mom's where she'd have a meal for me that I'd have seconds of.
tl;dr I learned to associate food with comfort, and restriction of it with negativity.
It made things really hard for me as a fat adult trying to lose weight. During every single meal I always wanted to overeat for the feel good feelings. Eating was how I handled stress as a child and I felt like shit knowing I couldn't be doing it as an adult. When I tried to be responsible for myself and have a small portion, a little voice inside my mind would make me feel like I was being punished like when I was a girl. Pathetically, I'd get a tear in my eye. I really hated myself.
I'd start diets and workouts, and maybe have moderate successes but inevitably I was a fat recidivist.
There'd be a crisis or a time in my life when I'd get severely depressed, turn to food for comfort and become apathetic. Before I knew it I had destroyed all the progress I made.
Even with medical help the most I've ever lost at once was 60 pounds over a couple of years, but that didn't stick either. Even when I accomplished that I still felt awful because I was unhealthily restricting with my self-hate being the motivator. Obviously that was doomed to fail and now I'm the fattest I've ever known myself.
I brooded a lot for the past two years or so and genuinely was feeling sorry for myself.
Anyway, I'm going through another crisis with my mom being on her third divorce.
Something in my mind recently just…clicked?
I see my mom as having become complacent in not taking good care of herself, and while that's pushed her husbands away I've also seen and heard directly from her how much she hates herself.
I don't want to be like my mom. She's truly miserable.
Out of curiosity, I was looking at some people online who've tried intermittent fasting and OMAD. I really like OMAD and I'm seeing some success with it. I think it's good for my type of "brain," that is, food=reward. Because instead of trying to be reasonable with multiple meals a day (something I know I'm not successful at), I can "reward" myself at the end of the day with a slightly larger meal. Or so the logic goes. But because I make my one meal with a lot of protein, I actually wind up feeling full on less and I don't actually finish or have the urge to binge.
I've already lost a few pounds this week alone and that's without motivating to set foot back in the gym. I'm not feeling bad from 'restricting' because I don't see the OMAD as true restriction since I technically have the 'big' meal at the end of the day. I'm not obsessing over food for once and it's nice. I thought this would be hard, but it feels different this time.
I'm exactly the same. I agree with a lot of radical feminism fundamentals but the anti-kink mentality is what's keeping me away from it. The angry pearlclutchers are free to enjoy celibacy or missionary in the dark but damn let me be a degenerate in private. I'm largely anti-porn because the IRL porn industry is fundamentally flawed but when I'm reading my fictional erotica or having consensual sexual affairs I should be allowed to enjoy whatever fetishes my perverted brain can come up with because it's my own fucking business.
I agree about the homophobia too, sometimes I can't decide if the homophobic spergs in /ot/ are /r/redpill migrates or mentally unstable radfems who think gay men are bug chasing deviants and lesbians are (or should be) pure and chaste. It's especially annoying when they leak over to the Gendercritical thread and try to push some anti-gay narrative out of nowhere.
I'm so happy for you anon! I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you'll enjoy your time at the gym when you go back! I'm reaching a similar level of comfort with food, although due to different circumstances.
I went crazy for a while when I was studying abroad, calorie counting and restricting like mad, constantly exercising and exasperating my shin splints, all because I was fearful of losing my anachan body (I was in a phase of hooking up with fuckboys and realized I was only loved for my body rather than myself, so I was heavily concerned with how my body looked lol my own fault). I became so hyperaware of every moment I felt even a tiny bit of hunger, I probably thought more about food and eating food then than I do now.
I've since moved past it, learned to love myself and cut out the fuckboys, and eat moderate portions that suit me. I've put on a little bit of weight, but I've reached an appropriate weight for my height and am no longer bony (though I'm still working on accepting that that's acceptable and this is how it should be). It feels freeing to not constantly think about eating and actually forgetting about eating until my stomach actually rumbles and I'm like "oh shit it's actually been a while since I've eaten!" I can even watch food videos from my favorite youtube personalities without feeling hunger, it's just watching them make food and enjoying their video.
Same, anon. I wish they would understand that anti-porn is not the same as anti-kink. I am also anti-porn as it harms women but why should I dictate what kind of sex people have in the privacy of their own homes?
I think there are quite a few people on this site who call themselves radfems but are actually just redpillers with some MH flavoring, makes it hard to take some of the shit people say seriously.
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Is anyone else completely disconnected with themselves, the world, other people?
There are times I feel very connected to myself – present, but much of the time I feel like I am just occupying this body as an observer. There are times where I genuinely watch myself respond to someone else. And then I think, "did I just say that?" Sometimes, I walk past mirrors and do not recognize myself. I have a fiancé and unfortunately he is similar to me in this way. In fact, that's how we connected 6 years ago…
I have no moral standing or particular virtues. My virtue is working hard, getting money to pay my bills, and keeping my partner content. If someone were to ask me about my stance on abortion, universal healthcare, etc., I have to fabricate an answer, because I just do not care about these things for myself. The odd thing is I was once very opinionated. I felt things, and I felt them deeply. People would often describe me as passionate and I went through some pretty extreme beliefs (from communism, fascism, neoliberalism…) but now I just feel… nothing.
It's livable. I'm not extremely bothered by it and have accepted the way I am. Just wondering if anyone else feels this way.
That's my issue with the normalisation of kink culture, yeah.
I also can't stand how people like to shame those who have vanilla tastes (especially if they're women), and how many men have come to expect that a "good" girlfriend needs to want to be choked, love anal and deepthroat them all the time. Normie kink culture seems to be little more than an excuse to demand more shit from women, for handmaidens to get male attention, and for everyone to shame women who don't participate in this.
People shame the femdom shills on this website too and it's not hurting women at all. In fact, everything other than completely vanilla sex is shamed. I'm starting to think that radfems just hate sex in general.>>418342
This. I've never met a man IRL who expected or demanded anything that wasn't vanilla. A lot of normie dudes are just happy to have sex at all. Men are horny as hell in my personal experience and all of their kinks can be boiled down to anyone who wants to have sex with them.
I hate how choking is vanilla af.
Nothing says normal and enjoyable more to me than having someone stronger than me mimic the motion they would/can use to kill me.
You're being dense.>>418340
said that they think radfems have a bad reaction to kinks because most of them hurt women. All I did was point out that femdom doesn't hurt women and radfems still hate it. What's your excuse now for hating it? It just makes you feel gross? Fine. But how is that related to radical feminism?>>418352
It's anti-feminist as fuck IMO to claim that women can't enjoy/discover kinks on their own. Like every woman who's into xyz suffers from trauma at the hands of the patriarchy.
I just wanted to say that I really appreciated your reply, anon.
I hope I can work on it and myself because we share a lot of resemblance. Wish you the best as well.
>>418351>I've never met a man IRL who expected or demanded anything that wasn't vanilla.
You must be lucky then. I'm treated like I'm a boring sack of potatoes because I don't want to have anal sex and I don't like deep throating on a daily basis. I think it's a lot more normalized than you think and it's because of this that I am starting to hate any kind of kinky sex at all. Even my boyfriend who is otherwise an extremely generous and kind person constantly pressures me for anal and sticks his dick down my throat without warning when I'm blowing him. All of the men I've dated have treated me like an uptight cunt for not wanting a dick up my ass, even the nice ones.
What's wrong with women being against kinks if they lead to things like this?
I feel like this is actually more of a man problem what with how their sexuality works, as well as entitlement.
I'm a femdomfag (go ahead, bully) but wouldn't dream of pressuring a partner into any of the painful things I'd be into. Despite being memed into some odd shit I can still get off to vanilla for the rest of my life no problem. But most men, instead of expanding their sexual tastes, only specialize them. It's like men start eating a new ice cream flavour and now that's the only flavour they enjoy despite loving others in the past, meanwhile women can enjoy all sorts of ice cream and keep their old favourites equally.
I'm sure there are exceptions for both sexes but. You get it.
It's normalized because they talk to other men who think it's normal. The person I'm dating doesn't even watch porn and has an extremely low libido but thinks these things are normal and basically vanilla. I suppose it stems from porn but it does become a kink when it's spread so much. Just like how pubic hair wasn't gross before the 2000s but now it's considered unclean to have hair on your vulva. It may have started with porn but it's beyond that now.>>418399
I had a problem like this too a while back.
He wouldn't help make the bed, clean his shaved hairs out of the sink, put the dishes in the dishwasher, sweep, dust or vaccum. It felt like I was a house maid to him.
I got so fed up that I talked to him that either we do these chores together from now on or they will stop happening. We were spending time doing cleaning together and he was started making plans for us to do it together.
fellow non-native here. for me, watching a lot of things in english (videos, movies, reading books) helped A LOT. you slowly start to grasp (understand) certain structures and grammar, you learn new vocabulary, you understand a lot more. you have to do it consistently though, every day if you can, or at least every week. immerse yourself in the language, anon! read read read and listen listen listen.
a correction i can make to your english: it's "am i the only one?". the way you phrased it (in english) sounds very similar to the spanish structure so i can assume you're a spaniard/latino, anon.
I have that same shitty feeling too, Anon. Today I had a job interview that made me so nervous I barely slept that night/morning. Got there and while the interview went mostly ok, but at the end was the stinger.
The interviewer wanted to make a photocopy of my driver's license. I only have a permit and share a car with mom. Apparently the job listing didn't even mention that sometimes I would have to go traveling to drop stuff off. Because of that, I got outright rejected.
I'm just angry and sad at everything. At myself mostly. If I had a car I probably would've gotten a job that was a stepping stone towards my desired one.
So close yet the rug was pulled out from under me right at the last second. I feel like a big fuck-up and want to just cry and sleep for hours.
What a badass. Fucking metal.
There's a million and one things that can small lumps, with supplementary hormones being among them. So maybe go off for a while and see if that makes a difference?
Trust me, I want to just not talk to him anymore but I'd lose SO many friends bc of that, I'm already paying 400$ fuckin dollars to go to my friends' wedding who's also friends with him. It's really only this dude with one other or so but just… it's frustrating. It's so fucking frustrating, I'm close to blowing up at him. This dude is mental, he stopped talking to my bf for a while because he didn't fucking tell him we bought a new house in an MMO and he "hates secrets"
I don't understand how he has the sweetest wife ever, she's so kind to everyone including me and she's stuck with this slimeball. I want him to just get replaced and everything would be instantly fixed.
That's why you don't make friends in the psych ward, anon. There tend to be a real crabs in a bucket mentality in there. Why do you even care? He's in the psych wards, probably having equally or worse problems than you.
You're not a phony trying to get better. Don't let that shit affect you.
1. Don't listen to anyone who is rude to you let alone a literal retard in a nuthouse who will live there forever
2. If you get sad that asshole will be right, do you want that?
3. Stay happy no matter what etcetc
4. How do you even have internet there? Or rather how did you?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU!
Which MMO are you into?
Do you play any other games?
Are there social guilds and forums for others you can chill with?
NEEThood is just a state, and usually just a temp one, not something to be defined by. Once you find the root of why you're afraid of the world your life will turn around like magic.
meant for >>418716
See what I mean? Don't listen to retards, ever.
(we're now talking about the absolute hopeless not the normal neets who have at least enough talent to be able to play games/read/whatever NEETs do)
I'd agree but only within 21 years of age. After that you are pretty much set, hence why personality disorders are official only when you're an adult. You can still learn of course but as you said, the older you get the less you can, so not if you're too far in the shitter.
I was feeling the exact same thing last year anon, the emotional toll of it all especially being unreciprocated is not worth it to having these friends imho.
I feel much better hanging out with different people than the "best friends" who I had been super close to for years but became an emotional drain. I used to have a more active social life before, but I much prefer the peace I have now with my few (and a new) friends.
I am kinder/empathetic again, as you said it kinda makes you despondent-ish. Choose to be with people who consider your emotional/physical well-being if possible.
Have you asked them if they have considered therapy?
Is there any other friends/clubs etc you can join for social time away from them?
Thank you anon! I called them just as I was leaving work to let them know if they were getting home too late that I was going to get dinner myself, but they said they were starting to leave and it took them a lot less time to get home than google maps said it would (an hour as opposed to two)!
We went out for korean bbq! It was so good… I ordered myself an extra dish because they made me wait a bit for them to get home haha.
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I'm thinking of ghosting my best friend. Not only does it seem like they don't care about me as much anymore, but I think I'm too emotionally dependent on them as well since they're also my only friend. It'd be good for me to learn how to be alone since it looks like that'll be the outcome sooner or later, whether I ghost them or not. They're a lot more functional than me and basically just a typical normie, while I'm a retarded NEET with no car, never had a job, living with my parents, and just barely got through high school. Which makes me think that our friendship still exists because "that's how its always been" and "it'd be weird without each other," or something, as we've known each other practically our whole life.
The only things they ever talk to me about are their other friends and how much fun they have with them. My mom frequently asks me if I'm planning on going to hang out with them or if they're coming over, to which I always have to reply with a no, reminding me that my only friend doesn't want to spend time with me. I recently mentioned these feelings of depression and loneliness to them and they gave me "I'm so sorry," "I feel like I neglected you," "You're my best friend I wanna know how you're feeling," etc. I took this to heart until the next few days afterwards, in which they continued to do all the same shit.
When we were younger we always said we only needed each other and nobody else. I bought it really fucking hard since I grew up in a terrible household and while I was never bullied, none of my other friendships have lasted more than a few months at most. They are literally the only person I've ever confided in and actually been myself to without any walls. Because of all this, I never bothered to make friends with other people and completely relied on my best friend. Obviously shit changes as you grow up but my younger self's mind failed to calculate this and now my social skills are stunted and it'd probably be beneficial to take this person away from my brain to get out of my comfort zone and actually learn said skills. At least for a while, but I have a feeling whether I'm around or not wouldn't make a difference in their life, so I question whether they'd even notice if I stopped talking to them and if it'd even be worth going back afterwards.
I feel for the disabled. Really, I do. They have no choice in their affliction.
However, there's someone I know who I absolutely despise. He is facially deformed (was born with a double-cleft pallet) and had stupid hillbilly parents who raised him on eggshells. He choked on food as a young child which led his parents to put him on a LIQUID diet. He is just now seeing a "SPEECH THERAPIST" who is helping him eat foods again as a 30-year-old man. It is all mental. The guy is a raging hypochondriac who will go to the ER over a bruise. Every week, he posts about some aliment or other and asks if he should go to the ER for it. I know it's not his fault… his parents raised him as if he were made of glass. But if you question him on it he will get defensive and always has an excuse for why something is worse than it seems. He's in a perpetual state of "dying".
To make matters worse, he has recently become engaged to another disabled person who he has been dating for 6 months. So, in-between all of these posts about him being overnight in the hospital for being dizzy, I have to see him talk about his disabled fiance and all the great things they will do together, how they will live together, etc.
The thing is, who is paying for this? I am. Everyone in this state is. He is on Medicaid, not his own insurance. Every time this guy gets a flea bite and calls an ambulance WE are paying for it. There needs to be a crackdown on these things because he is being enabled to do so, and if he weren't, he wouldn't. Think about it. His last hospital stay alone for "ataxia" must have cost the state AT LEAST $9k. He had an ambulance, two overnight stays, and multiple scans. He doesn't work despite being completely capable of doing so (his facial abnormality is the only true disability) and lives in an assisted living community.
There are people out there who need these services. It just disgusts me that someone like him his permitted to live the way he does and no one can say anything because he's got a retarded face.
If you have genuine proof that he's scamming the system, then you should be able to report that as fraud. Easy.
If basic stuff like xrays or ambulances are worth several thousands in your country then just get over it, because that's an inflated cost and it's just a small unfortunate part that comes alongside Healthcare for all. Medicaid isn't literally billing that full inflated customer facing "cost of that ambulance ride, that ride is done at cost price.
Yes he is wasting resources, I fully agree, but if doctors refused to treat fakers or over dramatics they would be risking the lives of many through the culture which that would create. It's unsatisfying but it's still better to waste some time instead of risking missing something.
In the hospitals here, once doctors have checked all the boxes they tend to just do the bare minimum to keep the crazy patient happy that something or anything is being done, whilst covering their ass. He is wasting their time now but he won't be getting that full gold star diagnostic routine every time forever.
Catch him in fraud or get over it. Thinking about it will just make you mad.
I'm just about halfway done paying off my student loans. I didn't graduate with that much compared to my peers because I was in admitted through a special program for students in need of financial assistance, on top of government financial assistance. Mind you, I wouldn't have been admitted to my college without this program because my grades were too low for general admission (not only do you have to meet the financial requirements, your grades have to be in a certain range as well. The idea behind the specific grade range is that your poorer financial background keeps you from affording tutors, or maybe you had to work to support your family and therefore your grades suffered, etc.).
Anyway, I graduate, get a shit retail job that pays a little over minimum wage and get to busting my ass to pay off my loans as quick as possible. My monthly payments are a pretty small amount for a 10 year period, but I don't feel like being in debt for 10 years, so I pay A LOT more. I live with my parents and don't pay rent, so I'm able to put a hefty part of my paychecks towards it. Once I was talking to a friend and she started bitching at me because I had smaller loans than her and she was angry that I was able to get more financial assistance during our college years because of the program I was in- she was so bitter that she wasn't in it even though she met the financial requirements. But she didn't even apply through it. Even if she did, her grades were too high for the program. I tell her that I would have never been admitted to our college if I applied through general admissions (I actually only applied to the program because my advisor in high school didn't have enough college application fee waivers for everyone so she told me to apply via this program since the fee is waived automatically lol)
All she sees it as is money, but I view the program as more than that. Yeah, I got an extra thousand in my financial aid every semester, but I also had a sort of family through this program. I had a whole bunch of peers and advisors who did everything they possibly could to make sure that we succeeded academically- we were required to take extra classes to help us adjust to college life, required to attend extra seminars, and required to go to math/english tutoring and were barred from greek life for our entire first year.
Anyway, post-college she's bitching about how much more she has in loans/higher her minimum is than mine. I get it, but I'm also paying the combined amount of her minimum payment and mine every month. I worked long hours every week at my old job so I can afford to. She lives at home with her parents too, not paying rent, and got a job through our friend. She only works two days a week, did not want more hours (our friend literally asked her when we were in a voice chat if she wanted more- our friend said she would talk to a manager to get her scheduled more and she said no, RIGHT AFTER complaining about only working 2 days), and blows most of her money on kpop merch. She eats out at all these expensive places, and even said that if she couldn't pay her minimum that her parents would help her out. It's none of my business how she blows her money or if her parents help her pay for her loans, but I don't want to hear her bitching at me about how much less my loans are when I still work way longer hours so I can afford big monthly payments on top of the other luxuries I allow myself to have.
Ugh. Fuck this bitch. Hopefully I'll be done with my loans in the next year or so. I wanna rub it in her face.
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I have a really bad UTI with burning that I've never experienced before, I still have my period and I have to get up in 6 hours to go to work which is very physical.
I don't know what I'm going to do, it came out of nowhere and I can't miss work but it burns so much and I want to pee every 5 seconds. Make it stop. Also it's really hot in here so I'm twice as uncomfortable.
Pls name some anon
I took a paracetamol and an ibuprofen in an act of desperation but nothing seems to help>>419033
Thank you anon, I'm so tired but I can't get off the toilet
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I just came back from a 4 day vacation with the entire side of my dads family and fuck am I tired. Those people managed to go to sleep at midnight every day and somehow wake up energized?! I love them more than anything, but they have the stamina of gods. My 7 year old nephew also won a plastic trumpet at a fair and I can still hear him blowing it.
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I’m so much of a fucking doormat people pleaser idk how to stop!!! I took a job thinking it’s just gonna be mostly paperwork but I actually have to talk to entitled retards who think they know better. I physically bite my tongue so I’m not apologizing constantly. It makes me feel like shit when clients Sound upset even when it has nothing to do with me. I spend forever obsessing over writing emails where I have to deliver bad news. I’m under qualified for this shit as I’m fresh out of NEETdom but I can’t afford to look elsewhere right now. I need the money and the experience… The women I work with are very competent but they’re all very busy and ain’t got time to teach me how to not be a baby. Any resources on growing a spine and skin?? I want to be a Gori or Washimi but I’m just Retsuko deep down…
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I'm so sick of this waifu faggotry shit all over the internet and in my video games. I can't play or watch anything without some female character mentioning how they're a pure virgin or how much of a big sister or mommy they are. i'm sick of this shit man
i'm stuck in a shitty toxic relationship and lately it's been getting much harder to deal with. he controls everything, i'm not allowed to have friends other than him, i was made to drop all of my interests in favor of his but when i express any interest in what he likes he shuts me down, i have to pick up after him constantly because he trashes the house, i'm always getting insulted, i can't wear what i want, i even stopped eating again since he throws a fit if i'm even a little bit out of my usual weight range. recently i gained a few pounds from changing birth control and he freaked out on me and kept accusing me of laziness even though i kept trying to explain side effects to him and that i was still exercising every day not eating. mind you, he's almost 70 pounds overweight but i have to weigh 100 pounds or lower or else he loses his shit. it's not just my weight either, i started hating things about myself i didn't even notice until he started pointing them out and reminding me of how hideous he thinks i look. im also pretty sure he uses being into bdsm as an excuse to beat me and not feel bad about it if he can convince himself "it's just a kink", but he seems to get way too much joy out of hurting me even if it is just that and he knows i can't say no to anything he asks. i don't want to go into it much but i have been sexually abused and saying no is painful, sometimes downright terrifying to me, i'm afraid he'll do worse if i tell him i don't want him to do something.
i guess the only redeeming thing about him is how he doesn't hit me outside of sex, but he's awful in every other aspect that it wouldn't make a difference at this point. i've tried breaking up with him before when it's gotten really bad but he never uses it as an opportunity to change, he just tells me i won't find anyone else if i throw him out of my house, and i know i shouldn't care if i never date again after him… but i was and am still pretty desperate for love and i honestly dont think i can do better. he's dated other girls before me and if i leave he'll just start doing the same shit to someone else, i don't want that to happen.
the only way out i can think of right now is to die, i don't want to be lonely again but i'm tired of being with a guy who says he loves me but acts like he hates me. i feel so trapped
It wouldn't bother me so much if we got male characters pandering to the female audience too, like where the fuck are my men who talk about how they are faithful and respectful to their partner and love to give me backrubs?
But no, companies think female pandering = trannies and a slightly muscular lady with an undercut.
Step 1. Walk out the door.
Step 2. Keep walking.
The only worse than being in a shitty toxic
relationship for however long you have so far is being in a shitty toxic
relationship for however long you have so far and a day.
It's your house and you can kick him out anytime, if I'm reading this right?
Get him out. This sounds terrible, just a horrible asshole in every way. Why do you have him around? What's the point?
He is just making you feel like shit and from what you said, I can already see you are a far better human than he is.
Jesus christ, get a therapist and LEAVE. You aren't trapped so stop making excuses to stay. Being alone is infinitely better than being with an abuser, he clearly doesn't love you and you gain nothing from the relationship.
And even if you can't deal with being alone, the idea that you cant do better is nonsense he is using to manipulate you… lbr if you are actually under 100lbs you already have your pick of guys who will be over the moon to have a gf like you. But at any weight a girl can still do better than an abuser.
How is dying going to solve anything? You’re worried about breaking up because he’ll just do the same thing to another girl, but if you die the same thing will happen plus you’ll be dead, so you might as well live, and just kick him out and break up.
I know everybody puts the blame on women, the victims
, to “protect” everybody else, and it’s “our fault” if we don’t report rapists or gropers or abusive
men, and they attack other women, but that’s bullshit. It’s not our responsibility to prevent men from ever hurting anybody, it’s not our burden. He’s the asshole and nobody else. He’s the shitty person, not you.
When you say>some time last April
Do you mean 2018 (as I'm thinking) or 2019? Because that's a long time to wait for sex, especially if you're both in your 20s.
That said, watching porn three times a day is excessive and he should maybe ask himself why he needs that.
Yeah, he's a pedo and he knows it, hence getting so defensive and trying to put the blame on you for making him 'feel bad' about masturbating to children. Flat chested anime girls who aren't lolis are common.
Even if he wasn't a pornsick loser weeb who values porn and anime over you, you would still be better off single and learning to love yourself if you're that dependent on him. How is that healthy at all?
Anon, you're completely justified in feeling uncomfortable. This kind of content, no matter how he describes it to you, isn't normal and he's desensitised himself to how creepy it is. Anyone in your shoes would have the same reaction. Watching porn multiple times a day isn't normal or good for one's mental health either (take it from someone who once had a porn addiction herself). Porn addicted people know what they're doing is shameful and that's probably why he gets so defensive, he knows deep down that you're right. I hate to say it but I think I should be honest with you: for this kind of person, a real girlfriend will never do. Even if you start having sex, he probably won't be able to get hard because he's so used to the constant masturbating and only seeing 2d shit as sexual, he'll be imagining one of those loli girls to keep it up.
If you want a relationship with this guy, you're going to have to be honest about everything. Tell him that all of this makes you uncomfortable and you feel like you're second best because right now you're making him feel like you're okay with it by being silent. You don't have to put up with anything that makes you uncomfortable. If he cares about you, he'll make an effort to stop. If he gets defensive again, you have to walk. I know you don't have friends for support and that's going to be difficult but consider what this relationship will look like on a few years and ask yourself if that's really better than feeling lonely.
>>419212>flat chested anime girls who aren't lolis are common
see, that's what I thought. I asked him why he couldn't watch porn of adult women with small tits and he said that with hentai all of the women have giant tits unless they're lolis. which sounded like bullshit to me but I couldn't disagree because I've never watched hentai. and yes it's very unhealthy, I'm just emotionally unstable and afraid that becoming single all of a sudden will cause me to have a mental breakdown. and also I still have feelings for him and I feel like if I break up with him I will never have another boyfriend. I'm going to see a therapist soon so I will bring this up to them.>>419215
I'm afraid to bring it up to him again because it always turns into a heated argument and I can't make him see from my point of view on it. honestly I think he just resents me for being disgusted by it.
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I think I am showing schizophrenic symptoms and I don’t know what to do. Im probably just worrying about it now after I received weird reactions from my friends. I am aware how it is delusional but I cant stop thinking about it. The more I sit around the more dots are connecting for me. Its taking up my every thought and Im trying so hard to make sense of it to those around me.
Pic related is a summary of how I feel. Basically I died long ago and now Im living in a fake universe made by a higher being or God. Nothing else in this universe is real except God and I and everything was set up as a test. Many barriers are put up like the Black Hole and the MBS system(Mind Body Soul system) that make it hard to make proper decisions. To summarize i created the MBS system in a Venn diagram to describe the relationships between One(me) and God(all) and the Mind Body Soul because sometimes I feel dissociated though that is unrelated to the delusions too much. I cant talk to people about it because they will see me as a threat or something. I know Im asking the fake persons now (you guys) and that would effect the result of the tests (God’s test) but I need help with the progress.
I I dont know whats happening anymore.
I mean, all the astrology and witch-chans believe similar ridiculous shit. I can tell you for sure that this world is real. I have no reason to doubt that.
I think take up a particular religion, astrology or witchcraft to channel your creative thoughts into so they have structure, and don't infringe on your daily life.
Believing in made up stuff is pretty normal. I think over 50% of Americans are Christians, even if not all of them believe in a physical man in the sky.
First of all, sorry to hear about the gaming pc. Maybe you could talk some sense in him and give it a few days until the hype wears of?
Or make some compromise like build a new PC for way less? You can build a decent gaming rig with shiny lights for $500. It could be a fun build-a-budget-pc project you can do together while scouring for best deals.
Secondly, if you're the anon that recommended me a thinkpad, I really need to thank you for doing that!
Even though the t440p is a lot older than my previous laptop, it's miles better. I just added some extra RAM (16GB total!), an SSD, all that for less than $200 and it's a beast. Not only that but the keyboard is absolutely fantastic and it feels overall so good to work on a ThinkPad.
I've read lots of people complaining that it's big and heavy but tbh it's really light and easy to carry around.
It's honestly one of the best advice I got techwise on an imageboard, so thanks again!
You need to see a therapist. I know you won't believe me, since you think I'm fake, but if you're close with your family or a friend please speak to them about this.
People have all sorts of beliefs to get them through life but when they get this extreme, it's the opposite of helpful for you. I'm sorry but you aren't the only person that's real, and you need help.
"I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom's realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer's Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care.
Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content.
Let teachers and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content."
See a doctor, get on lithium. If you say this a test then maybe the way pass it is to trust we want the best for you. God wouldn't have put us on this rock to be alone.
I'm not knowledgeable when it comes to how the mind works exactly. I want to give advice, but I do not consider my perspective to the right one or the only one.
Your thoughts seem like a combination of many things. On their own, each part isn't harmful, but all of them together foster the paranoia you've been having. You may not have one root of pain, but multiple ones that all overlap.
I had a vaguely similar thought, but it didn't affect me negatively. Made me feel a bit sad or confused, but that was it. It accumulated like this:
1) Films like The Matrix made me think "What if the world was artificially created?" and so forth. But that is fiction, so I paid no mind.
2) Conspiracy theories I watched via YouTube: aliens and hoaxes and faking video/image evidence. This started shifting my mind from fiction into reality. Is the impossible actually possible?
3) History is what it is because we are told it is that way. All of the books and the documents over the centuries–what if they were all false? Made by someone, something else?
4) Religion is the same. (I was raised Catholic, but I am now agnostic). I have no physical proof, so I don't believe in it. But I would think sometimes, "God" or whatever may be not one thing, but everything else except me. Did I used to have an energy/aura with God, and now it's gone?
5) This accumulated into when I would ponder, lightheartedly, if I was the only flesh-and-blood person. That the world was a test, created by God or aliens or whatever. I was raised from birth by beings who were programmed to act a certain way.
5a) I thought that I was perhaps an experiment. Kidnapped from Earth and placed in a simulation to study me.
5b) Alternatively, I would think that I was the last human left on Earth, and the creator of the simulation was letting me have a normal-as-possible life to spare me of reality.
Now I take a deep breath and say that I have never believed these things, truly. It's an overactive imagination. It would occasionally tickle me with paranoia or dread, but I rationalized whether I was the same or different from everyone else, I just didn't give a shit. My mom could be human-mom or simulation-mom, but she still acts the same.
However–and this is the difference between you and me–I have never had physical or psychological ailments from these thoughts. I can estimate how your thoughts came to be that way, but I cannot be certain and I cannot diagnose.
Your initial trauma of falling down the stairs may have triggered
unhealthy thought patterns. To be confronted with injury and the thought of death at a young age can be scarring.
You started having "reality shifting" when you were 15. Was this a stressful or overwhelming part of your life? I know this sounds off-topic or generic to ask. I don't know if you've always been a believer in God. Do you use this presence of God to make sense of bad things that have happened in your life? Do you feel out of place or isolated, and this is the reason why?
You presume that the only way to prove whether this is a world made by God or not (to "pass the test") is to murder someone. I don't know if you're thinking of the Biblical God, but if you "died" then are you in Heaven? If you are suffering, then you are not in heaven.
Is this the Biblical devil who created this world? Is this a "Hell" that he's created for you to suffer in?
Or is this just a random supernatural being, just toying with you? Is he doing it out of ignorance or to inflict deliberate harm?
I believe that once you die, you do not live again. And if you do not live again, you do not die again.
Why does murder prove the legitimacy? Death is all around. If the media is providing false images of death… does a non-human murder suffice? If you step on a bug or kill a mouse in a mouse-trap, is that not proof enough? Humans are animals–the anatomy of a mouse has many similarities to that of a human. Our fetuses look similar. Our skeletons look similar.
What if you aren't the only one? What if the life you take is another "real" person? If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck… If the people around you believe they are human, and look/sound/feel the part, then it's simplest to conclude that they are human. Everybody (I presume) respects your humanity, and you should respect theirs.
What if everyone else is the human, and you are the non-human? Even if you feel different from everyone else, you'd still want to be respected and treated with kindness and dignity.
If this is a simulation, then murder will not prove the existence of "God". I don't think he would step out from behind the curtrain and shake your hand. I think he would let things go as they will.
If he is filling you with these thoughts and making you suffer, then he does NOT have your best interests in mind. And if you do what he says, if you "break the rules" of society or whatever, and it turns out that this is all fake–that does NOT undo the damage you have suffered.
Do NOT listen to the God in your head. Give him the middle finger.
On a personal level: yes, I believe that you are experiencing severe delusions. I think you should talk to a professional about this. I don't think this is something that you can psyche yourself out of, unless you are open to the idea of "God" not existing in the first place. The life you live, wherever it is, deserves to be happy and at peace.
If the world seems strange to you, ask questions, ask for help. If your mind is hurting you, do not let it hurt others.
Yes, I did write a 1000+ word response. And yes… I think my mind is a bit strange.
So sorry for the late reply, but like the other anon said, Cystex is good! That's the one I personally get (though it doesn't turn my pee orange/red). Azo is another brand and I figure it works just as good. Also some people recommend cranberry pills daily to prevent future UTIs but I don't take them. Always wipe front to back, drink lots of water to flush out bacteria. Good luck anon! I used to frequently get utis all the time for no reason, like 2 maybe 3 times a year. My doctors couldn't figure out what the fuck it was but I think some women are just more susceptible to them (I started getting them at a super young age).
Also please, please, PLEASE finishing taking all your antibiotics. Symptoms may disappear completely midway through taking them, but please finish taking them so the antibiotics can get rid of any lingering bacteria. I only say this because I was a little shit who stopped halfway through (my thought process was to save the pills for another UTI since I got them so often) and it'll only increase the chance it'll come back. Don't be a dumbass like me anon.
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>tfw the only other person working in administration left because of structural changes
>tfw these changes don't really lessen administration workload
>tfw everyone just expects you to pick up all of his work together with your own now
That's really scummy tbh
I would have definitely kicked him the moment I knew. That kid is an idiot.
Fact you said>I am aware how it is delusional but I cant stop thinking about it.
It is just a fantasy. Idk why people are saying you may be experiencing severe delusion. I'd go to the doctor for something else, you may be fantasizing to cope with things, like a trauma/depression/etc…
People who are delusional really don't know and get defensive. Jesus armchair psychos are fucking stupid.
hahah you're funny.
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thank you guys for replying, i'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that i need to leave him but it's….. a lot harder than i thought it would be, he took everything from me and i basically have to restart my life all over, figure out who i am again, deal with this on top of the issues i had before ever meeting him, try to repair relationships that were ruined because of him, etc. i've spent enough time mentally preparing for that and i know i have to take action soon or i'll be stuck with him forever but i'm scared. the house is mine, he moved in a few weeks after we got together and i pay for everything so i could
kick him out at any time i'm just afraid of what will happen if i do. i haven't spoken to my old friends since we started dating and i don't know if they'd be willing to help me out
if reaching out to ex friends or my family members doesn't work out, are therapists trained to be able to help you out of relationships like this? or at least can they provide you with resources to? i hate that i'm too scared to do it myself but if he finds out i'm serious about not wanting to be with him anymore, i don't know what's going to happen. is it better to handle it alone or should i end it with any help i can find?
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Im surrounded by alcoholic family and my younger sister literally needs rehab but my mom refuses to actually consider it because of her denial.My sister tells me she gets sick from withdraws,she has stolen my alcohol, and she takes advantage of my Grandma giving her money for "food". I just sit back and watch people I care about destroy themselves while I drink sometimes too, feeling like a hypocrite.
Anon, more friends than you might realize will forgive whatever you think needs forgiving. And even if they don't, you are not the first woman to do all these hard, necessary things alone. They did it, and you can too. Not saying this because I think it's likely, just b/c I think it's mentally healthy to have a moment where you confront the absolute worst that could happen … and realize you could survive even that. That said, to answer your question, yeah, reach out to people and get help and support if you can.
Definitely there are therapists that help with this. I don't know a ton, but maybe search keywords like "relationships" or "life changes" on the Psychology Today therapist finder?
Money and fear of surgery are stopping me.
And maybe the fact that I don't really know how people will react to that since I don't know anybody who's had it
why haven't you reported your pedo boyfriend? You don't support him right? I hope you contact the police
Because when he starts acting out he will drag you with him
anon with schizoaffective disorder here to tell you that you should def seek out assistance if it's causing you so much distress. I have similar delusions about being dead and waiting for my body to catch up and die too/weird other shit I don't want to put out there. If it's affecting the way you live your life or the way you function or causing you a lot of emotional distress, talk to a professional.
you can get help and feel more secure. it is possible
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I will keep you in my prayers anon. Please be safe and get away from that pos.
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It's too damn early for me to be crying in the club but YouTube recommended me a tribute the other Hitorie members did for Wowaka and I cried as soon as the guitarist started crying. I was late in finding out he even had a band to begin with because I don't use media very often and I'm just upset, it's been like 2 months…
Anon, I hope you took someone with you and gave your Mom all the details… It sounds a bit fishy of the landlord to delete the listing as soon as you contacted them.
I hope it went fine and I am just paranoid.
NTA but I agree with you. A few months ago in my country a girl was murdered during a visit by a man who fished for victims
with an apartment ad.
Of course it's an unlikely occurence but it's best to be careful.
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The manufacturer's coupon I use for my nuvaring (which brings the cost down 50% so I'm not paying fucking $80/mo for it) is telling me I'm not eligible for it anymore and I'm probably gonna have to go on a different BC and I'm about two steps away from livid. The last birth control I was on (yaz generic) almost put me in a psych hospital and ruined my skin and caused me to start losing my hair for a couple of months when I stopped taking it, I just wish I could get my tubes tied or something and not have to worry (as much) about getting pregnant. I don't want kids and I've never wanted kids, I've known for years I'd much rather adopt if I ever DID want kids, but I'm only 20 and have never had a kid so its basically impossible to get any sort of long term at worst/permanent at best procedure. Fuck
I'm the apartment hunting anon and I'm fine, I'm back and it was nothing fishy, just as >>419677
said, there were a lot of people who wanted to visit this place because it's pricey and has a good location. It was also an ad from a girl and she was super nice, so nothing weird. I always check who wrote the ad and how they respond to your messages because one time I wanted to visit a place owned by a guy and he went like "come over if interested ;)" or some shit like that when I asked him for an apartment viewing date but backed off with that kind message like uhh no thanks.
The place I visited btw was okey, but the neighborhood was super dirty and noisy (random drunk guys on the streets sleeping etc), the house lacked care as well. Like when we went to the attic, it had some holes in the ceiling. Idk as much as I loved the apartment, everything else just made me not really welcome. Fucking bummer. I will pass this one.
Yesterday, my mother found out her best friend of nearly 40 years was arrested and charged with several felonies. He's never had a record. It was shocking to the both of us, although less so to me since I was around him more and had a slight sense something was "off." That being said, he did not come off as the type to do what he was charged with, but we later found out he did what he did because he was under the influence of some pretty severe drugs. He's been abusing them since college in order to study, and he'd been escalating since then. He finally snapped and broke into someone's house, stole expensive property, and assaulted someone with intent to harm. Apparently, month before, he broke into his mom and sister's house and stared at the wall, and when they woke up and asked him what he was doing he had threatened to kill them.
This guy has a $200k degree from an elite college and was making $300k at the hight of his career. My family and I couldn't quite understand why he was in so much debt; we found out the money he had been borrowing on several houses to repair and rent out was actually using the funds for his addiction. Apparently he scammed his entire family of thousands of dollars, he even stole his boyfriend's credit cards and put him in $50k of debt by spending recklessly on things they didn't need like expensive vacations and restaurants. He never paid off his student loans either, he still owes most of that, probably more from interest. He never held down a job, he'd always quit what seemed very promising, and move someplace else and start over almost every year at one point. Now we know why.
He's looking at 20 years because he failed to appear for his first trial, before committing another crime a week later.
My mother had been crying to see him just a few months before because they rarely got to see each other due to my father being a possessive sociopath.
Now we found out her best friend is an abusive sociopath too.
I really feel for my mother, and everyone involved right now. What a fucking mess.
One, I recently learned my father is living in a town just an hour outside of my own. I haven't seen him in over 10 years and the last thing he ever said to my Mom is "next time I see you, I WILL kill you". It sounds ridiculous, I know, but hear me out.
He always had violent tendencies toward her, like I can vividly recall 3 or 4 different instances as a child cowering in fear while I hear the sound of his fists hitting her and her screaming/crying. He believes my Mom is to blame for his shit life even though it was him who decided to turn to drugs and alcohol. He thinks she turned me against him which is clearly not the truth - his own actions did that. He is literally crazy. Basically, it's not totally out of character for the psycho to actually follow up on something like that if he finds out she lives so close. He hasn't tried to contact either me, her, or any of our family in these past many years so maybe my fear is irrational, but it's still lowkey fucking me up. My Mom doesn't deserve to live in fear like this and I just want to protect her.
Two, I wish there were more online resources for free talk therapy just so I could get more educated feedback on what I may be dealing with. We don't have a lot of options for mental illness help in my small city and the last time I managed to see a professional here the experience wasn't good, so I stopped going to her and got on the waiting list for another one. I just feel really lacking in terms of understanding myself, like I really just want to fix myself but I don't know where to start. I feel like actually getting a diagnosis would really help me but unfortunately the waiting list for professionals here can take upwards of a year.
Speaking of that, it still peeves me that my last therapist didn't even hint at a diagnosis nor did she even give me a starting point. I guess that's what I get for having to use the free options here. I wonder if finding a pay-per-session therapist would be better. I feel lost and it's eating me up inside.
Aw that sucks, anon. Are you learning Mandarin because of your boyfriend? If so, that's really sweet, and also metal as fuck because it's a super intimidating language to learn (at least to me lol). Maybe you could ask his family if they wouldn't mind letting you practice your Chinese with them, and make their conversations slower and simpler so it would be easier for you to understand and chime in. And if you really don't understand what's going on, I guess they would have no choice but bail you out in English.
Or maybe engage in something that relies less on conversation? Dinners are awkward because if you're not part of the conversation there's not much else to do. Like ask his mom if she can teach you any traditional Chinese recipes, if she's open to it it could be a nice way to bond and learn to make some yummy food, win-win. I don't know much about the specifics of Chinese culture but in my very broad experience they tend to be pretty proud of their identity, and in general immigrants can be a little sensitive about protecting their heritage and traditions so perhaps showing a genuine interest in learning about and embracing their culture could warm them up to you and get them to talk to you more instead of seeing you as an outsider.
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I met a boy online and I am obsessed with him.
In all my life of real life relationships, I have never found I guy that I like so much. The problem is he lives in Portugal while I live in Canada so there is a huge difference in anything and I almost have no hope in it. I am falling for him hard like I have never in my entire life and it is scaring me. I don't know why he feels so special but it almost feels like a soulmate. Not only does the fact that he lives so far hurt me, but the fact that he dated so many e-girls before. I just wonder if I'm another one of the e-girls he is messing around with and it makes me very depressed. I don't know if I have it in me to stop pursuing him. Fuck. I wish I never met him.
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So this is probably going to sound retarded but I feel like I can't talk about it with anyone in my life. I came out as a lesbian a few years ago, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm just a female exclusive bisexual? I've always felt kind of confused about my sexuality. I didn't really feel like calling myself a bisexual made sense, but then I also feel like I'm lying if I say lesbian/doing a disservice to 'real' lesbians. I have no real desire for a romantic or sexual relationship with men, nor have I ever engaged in sexual acts with a man. (Some chaste kissing as a young girl is about all) The one time I was aware I accidentally caused a dude to get a boner (when we were alone) I was filled with intense revulsion and immediately made an excuse to leave.
But I've had crushes on fictional male characters, and have masturbated to heterosexual & homosexual as well as lesbian smut & pornography. I never imagine myself in the scenarios when there's males in involved, I just masturbate to the sex acts. Fantasizing on my own I always imagine being with another woman. I feel like it makes it wrong of me to identify as a lesbian, but I don't really feel like bisexual is right either because I have absolutely no desire to be with males irl in any capacity. When I try to imagine myself having sex with a man, I think it of something to endure, like doing a chore. I can't imagine myself doing much but laying there waiting for it to be over. Whereas with women I'm very enthusiastic and usually take upon a rather active role in sex. idk this probably sounds dumb as hell but I feel like I can't talk about this with anyone in my life because they'll start pressuring me to date men when I have absolutely zero desire to do so. But it feels really confusing on how to identify.
Girl, are you me?
Well, not really, but I wondered the same thing.
Most of my fictional crushes are male. I even like imagining them in sexual situations and get aroused from that. But I never imagine myself with them. In fact, I am extremely repulsed by the idea of having sex with a man. But I often feel like a shitty lesbian for always raving about how much I love certain male characters. It's not the same at all with female ones, since my feelings for them are more personal and subdued and I can count my female-character crushes on the fingers of one hand while I have a few dozen of male crushes.
I don't really doubt I'm a lesbian, but I feel shitty about enjoying fictional men so much. It's also kinda funny to me since I hate real men with a passion.
For the past few days I had long phone conversations with a guy I met off Tinder. It felt a bit more special and different just because it had been so long since I talked for hours with a guy over topics and subjects. I didn't have expectations because I'm used to guys being shitty to me, but something about the way he seemed to be into talking to me gave me hope. He was cute, seemed respectful, and unlike past men he didn't try to turn our conversations sexual.
We planned to meet for a coffee date to see where things would go. He mentioned over the phone how he just got out of a long term relationship, but he kept saying how he wanted to talk to me about the details irl. I empathized because I myself got out of an ltr back in September, and my own parents are currently having a divorce. But I wanted to know, and I asked him to tell me.
He confessed on the phone that he was actually just separated from his ex^wife who left him and he was afraid that it would scare me off if he had told me right away. Well, it didn't really scare me because I naively assumed he was an accountable adult who wouldn't be on dating apps if he wasn't emotionally available to date again. He said he was available and ready.
We met today at the cafe. If at any time he didn't feel attraction to me, he had plenty of opportunities to leave and exit the situation. Yet he seemed into me and wanted to hang out more. After coffee he wanted to check out downtown with me. Next, we played games together at a barcade.
Coincidentally, my friends invited me out for dinner and I asked him and my friends if it would be okay to introduce him. They all said yes. He was talkative and charming. My friends approved of him and for once I wasn't embarrassed to bring someone nice around them. For once I didn't feel their pity, they were happy for me.
We held hands here and there, but he didn't kiss me until later on.
I was very comfortable around him, and I let my guard down.
When dinner was over it was a choice between going to see a movie or going back to his place to watch one. I got the impression we were both kinda tired so I chose his place.
We cuddled on the couch for a bit, he kissed me, but then it was apparent that he was getting horny. I asked him if he wanted to take things slow and if proceeding was okay. He said he wanted this. I felt my sexual needs rise too, and I indulged in going that route with this guy who I had this budding trust with. Or so I thought.
When we were done he instantly regretted it.
He went into a stream of consciousness about how he truly wasn't over his (what he described earlier as a leechy, selfish, unemployed, ungrateful, chronically sick) wife. Because her belongings were still in the house that was still technically half in her name, he didn't feel like it was over. He told me he felt like he had betrayed his vows, and that if his wife were to call him wanting to patch it up tonight he would take her back instantly.
Clearly he suddenly wasn't about me. I wasn't pathetic or desperate, but I put up my defenses as we talked in anticipation of the rejection. A part of me thinks it had to do with my (mediocre) looks. I looked at photos he still had around and I was the fatter version of his exotic wife.
Since he was going on about her I picked his brain a bit since I might as well have at that point. Like, if things were so one-sided then what positive qualities did he like about her? Oh, that she was pretty.
But furthermore, from the moment he met her he knew he wanted to be with her. How he had improved himself as a man and stepped up to provide for her because she was that special for his reasons.
Farmers, the rejection didn't hurt. I've been rejected in the past and I'm pretty numb to shallow preferences, and males taking them out on me.
What hurt was my envy over hearing that a man was willing to do anything for a woman because, despite however bad she was IF that narrative had truth, he knew from the moment he met her that she was his person and he was willing to do anything for her.
I don't have my person.
Even my ltr ex boyfriend didn't make sacrifices or man up in order to make sure I was taken care of. I've never had a marriage proposal.
I don't have my person.
Men always wanna be the good guys even when the purposefully screw women over. "I can still talk to you tomorrow. I can be your friend. You're a cool girl."
I told him no, I needed to search for my person, I wasn't on a dating app for male friends, that I wasn't going to wait, and thanked him for the nice day. I also pointedly said that if he had told me he was still serious about his vows and still loved his wife, that meant a completely different thing than mentioning he was separated and indeed would have caused me to not have bothered.
But why sugarcoat what he did? He played the long con and got a lay. That's what this was, and he was just sociopath to go through the motions as if I were being taken seriously in order to get his way.
I waited until I got into my car to cry. In the interim of driving home he unmatched me and I presume he won't contact me. I won't contact him.
I wanted to believe someone was falling for me.
I'll tell my friends he talked about his ex too much and it didn't work out. I mean, what's a half truth?