File: 1557143032603.gif (2.54 MB, 420x236, tenor.gif)
No. 407219
>>407215Thanks, anon.
Though, to be frank, the situation keeps getting worse year after year. I'll have no other choice but to get a new profession if the same thing happens next year. The bees, on the other hand, what are they going to do? They can't escape and I'm not sure how they'll endure the following years.
No. 407253
>>407240Eh, that would be feasible for maybe up to three or even five beehives depending on the greenhouse and that's being optimistic. But for any serious beekeeping that's not a solution.
Thanks though.
No. 407259
>>407253I'm really sorry anon, that is so sad to hear. I keep trying to explain to people how much the environment is getting fucked up by industrial activity but nobody cares.
Recently my country banned pesticides that kill bees and that should have happened a long time ago, but incompetent industrial farmers were bawwing about it a lot and saying how they'll make less money if they were banned.
No. 407276
>>407263I know how you feel. My last two boyfriends are from what I would consider very wealthy but they'd both disagree with that. To them having a mansion isn't a big deal because there's always a bigger mansion. They're offensively ignorant about poverty but no amount of explaining could make them feel what it's like to go without food and live somewhere without heating or sleep with your entire family in one bed.
It makes me sad that we could never fully see eye to eye. They're not bad people, they just haven't lived it and can't understand just like I can't understand what it's like living in an active warzone. Or being in space. Empathy can only take you so far.
No. 407277
>>407263I feel this. I like how the phrase "winning the genetic lottery" is about inheriting desirable physical traits but people seem less to think how fortunate someone is for being born into the right family.
Everyday I think about how my life could have been different if I were born into a stable household with parents who made a decent wage consistently.
No. 407288
>>407281Are you cryptic pregnancy anon?
Either way I'm sorry to hear about that, I hope an abortion is still possible. Although even with that I know the emotions are complicated.
No. 407297
>>407263Oh geez anon, you reminded me of a friend i had who was also pretty rich.
She'd take weeks off of school so she could go to tropical resorts with her family and couldn't comprehend how i can't afford to get my hair done at a hair salon every few weeks and travel with friends.
No. 407301
I feel so hopeless. I quit my shitty retail job because, mixed with a lot of other events/issues I had going on with my life, it felt like the cherry on top of pushing me to kill myself. I'm doing better a bit better now, I feel better, and while I haven't been working, I've been making a routine of myself to sleep/wake up early and trying to be as productive as possible with my time.
But I just… feel so hopeless. I don't know where life is going to take me. I have no experience outside of retail and I'm trying to land an office job so I can have some fucking experience to put on my resume that isn't more retail work, but even when I do manage to get an interview and put my best foot forward, I get passed up because I just don't have any office experience. I just rewrote my resume, and I'm in the process of fixing up my cover letter too now. But I hate it. I don't know what I even want to do with my life, I don't know what I'm even trying for anymore.
I'm young, I'm about to turn 24 next month, but honestly… I can't wait to be 30. I feel like all the pressure in the world is on me to make something of myself, right here and now, and I'm more lost than when I first started college. At least back then, I had stupid pipe dreams of working for the UN or some garbage. At least back then, I could tell myself "I'm still in school! I have time!" Now it's like… I'm out here. In the workforce, with no work. I hear so many people say that your life really begins when you turn 30, that you finally start to feel security in your life and work in your 30s… and that's all I want. I want some sort of fucking purpose, I want to know what the fuck I want to do. Right now, I'm just sitting here, wondering why the fuck I should continue living anyway lol.
No. 407310
The worst thing that happened in my life won't ever, ever change. I thought this would get better or easier with time but it doesn't get better, it won't ever get better and that's the only thing I know for sure in my life.
People expect me to be okay after all this time but my mind can't stop thinking about ending it all one day or another.
I felt suicidal for the first time when I was 12 and I can't stop thinking that I've lived more time wanting to die than when I was happy.
I saw doctors, I took my medication, I had good times. But it seems all a lie to me. I don't want to depend on pills, on doctors, on words of people who care about me because I hate myself.
I hate the way my mind betrays me, I hate how I can't open up, how I always say it's not that bad to my friends because I'm so ashamed to admit out loud that I know my life will always be miserable.
Also, they won't notice it anyways because I'm so good at hiding how bad I get. Even if I don't message them for hours, they won't check on me because I'm the girl who's always laughing, cracking jokes.
I can't stop feeling guilty because how I think, how I can't seem to appreciate what I have because the truth is that nothing of that matters anymore. Not anymore.
No. 407322
>>407263I sympathize anon. I came from a small country in Eastern Europe to study in Eastern US and the lifestyle of some people there makes me really sick. I no longer live there but it's something I'll never forget.
They "treated themselves" to makeup, Asian skincare and clothes all the time, when they feel bad, when they feel good, it doesn't matter. They lived in big houses and had people do everything for them - forgot to buy food? It's okay, we have HelloFresh! Need to vacuum? It's alright, I'll just call a cleaning lady to do it for me. Need to cook? I don't know how, let's just order. They drive everywhere. Need to go down a block? Nah, I'll drive you. You shouldn't pack your bags, they have people for that at the big ass supermarket 20 minutes away (that we will drive to). They had massive, massive amounts of shitty clothing and couldn't dress themselves for shit so they "decluttered" and "purged" everything and buy more shitty clothing. Seriously, they threw so much shit away, one girl gave me half of her wardrobe just because she didn't like it anymore and to her that was completely normal. A lot of them watched these makeup gurus on Youtube and those girls had entire rooms full of makeup! Rooms just for makeup!
Some people I knew were overweight but categorically refused to do anything about it and instead proceeded to whine about how everybody is beautiful on Facebook. Others were just unhealthy (I studied with a lot of Asians and a lot of them would get grilled by their mom and grandma when they start getting fatter). Also for some reason a lot of people there hate water. Like they hate the thing they need to survive.
They had big big gardens they could grow so many things in but they had to keep shitty grass so they can "sell it later"… why, to get an even bigger house? How many bathrooms is too many? I have one I share with 4 other people and it's fine. None of them had any savings. Not one.
Some of them had money and would fly to their grandparents' home countries all the damn time, or backpack through SEA and talk about "wanderlust" all day. A lot of them were studying just because they wanted to go to parties, and that was usually girls I took some more "liberal" courses with. Others had families that I later learned just got themselves in a lot of credit card debt to sustain the lifestyle they found completely normal.
It's really exhausting just to watch. How does nobody get tired of always having more more more bigger bigger bigger? Is it not boring to always get everything done for you? How do you live with yourself knowing you'll do absolutely nothing for other people and have so much to yourself? I'd honestly be overwhelmed. I'd like to have enough, but if I had that much dumb shit in my empty life I'd give all of it away or build a farm and grow vegetables just to have a purpose.
No. 407329
>>407322
>How does nobody get tired of always having more more more bigger bigger bigger? Is it not boring to always get everything done for you? How do you live with yourself knowing you'll do absolutely nothing for other people and have so much to yourself?i think a lot of people in the us are conditioned to think that way. i mean, ive heard people try to claim that a $30000 yearly income is poverty level, and i listened to an american girl wine about how poor she was growing up because her mom told her once that some special edition bratz doll or whatever she wanted was too expensive. this was the only example of being "dirt poor" she could come up with.
back to the income thing, 30000 is about 3x the average income in my country, and my country isnt exactly poor either. its ridiculous. but you have to consider that a lot of people in the us just spend spend spend and never save any money because theyve been conditioned to be greedy their entire lives. this isnt even just america anymore, this mindset has started perforating the entire world. ive started to notice it in my own country too.
i have a theory that the high cost of healthcare there is because of the same greed issue too. i feel horrible saying this but its a little bit satisfying to watch them eat each other alive out of greed after americas been pushing their shitty capitalist model for decades.
No. 407354
File: 1557175675684.jpg (71.93 KB, 604x453, 553901894334.jpg)
>>407352I feel you. For me it's usully a phase, I think it's a normal feeling. It can go on for months in certain circumstances. How long have you had it?
No. 407374
reading
>>407263 &
>>407322 and then
>>407360 was funny.
>>407360Just get a job and save up to travel in your free time.
No. 407474
File: 1557201980669.jpeg (221.01 KB, 870x1248, 645E5D2B-8A4A-41EE-AB8B-FC018B…)
Was coming here to bitch about the bourgeoisie myself but it seems anons today are already on my wavelength.
Can we bring back the guillotine already.
No. 407478
>>407459Please, men do not struggle to see friendly girls sexually if they are attractive enough. That's just not how they function. If a pretty girl is giving off friend vibes he might be afraid to be rejected or think she's not gonna be dtf, but he wont be thinking of her platonically.
Imo it's a matter of looks + approachability + sluttiness and how each factor into risk/reward. If she's extremely attractive, it will compensate for seeming unapproachable or frigid because the reward is high. If she seems approachable or easy to get in bed, it will compensate for being less attractive because the risk is low. Location also matters a lot, depends where you live and where/when you go out.
No. 407485
File: 1557205295794.jpg (102.8 KB, 550x550, ac91b8c71dce5d5573da42c1bd24fe…)
>tfw no one to give me attention or affection
>tfw just want a shy, depressed loner bf to empathize with and help eachother grow
No. 407493
File: 1557206300892.gif (466.65 KB, 500x250, qcufFFh.gif)
>>407487I doubt if that even works, at least not for het women. All my het female friends partners have been absolutely shite, nothing but filthy, rude, cheating turd-touchers; some of my friends settled, some of them sifted through the shit like you described, and all they found was trash.
No. 407498
File: 1557211526462.jpg (45.26 KB, 600x488, insomnia-lead.jpg)
My father always seems bothered that i dont sleep and calls me names like "vampire" and shit. Fucking idiot, how many psychiatrists have to tell you that i suffer from chronic anxiety and bipolarity so you understand its almost impossible for me to sleep without medicines that you don't care to buy? This shit pisses me off, because his terrible life choices caused my mental state to get worse, he knows everything i had to live and what happened to me and still has the balls to treat me as if i were a monster for having symptoms of mental illnesses, which are the consequences of situations he dragged me into (plus genetics, because i was fucked since birth). Fuck you john, if it weren't for your ass i surely wouldn't have to force myself to sleep every night, even though i could risk having terrible night terrors and paralysis (if an arrhythmia doesn't wake me up first). "It cannot be that you have so many problems/mental issues lmao" are you retarded? In fact i'm lucky that i did not come out with anything worse, because not only did you get married and had children with someone with a history of mental illnesses, but you also hid me the fact that you had a record too, basically you didn't give a shit about me and it shows.
This existence is so miserable, not only do i have to suffer in silence every day thanks to symptoms of bipolarity/OCD, not being able to sleep or rest deeply and having on my shoulders the weight of traumas, but i also have to deal with this "person" who cannot show a little empathy towards his own daughter.
I wish i was just normal, i couldn't have escaped bipolarity of course, but at least i could have lived relatively stable if not for trauma. I wish i was able to finally sleep and be in peace again.
Im also constipated and it hurts a lot, fucking kill me.
No. 407527
>>407483> fat metalheadsJelly, I wish I had the same thing happening to me.
Often there's this ginger chubby metalhead on Bandcamp that likes the same stuff as me. We always end up being among the first ten to support some of the new metal bands.
I really wish I could contact him and ask him if he has a gf but I wouldn't like to scare him or make him feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, all the guys where I live are in normie tier mainstream music that makes me want to rip out my ears.
No. 407580
anons, I really need advice.
I started dating this guy abt 5 months ago. he’s really sweet and I’ve honestly never felt this way abt someone before. Ik it may seem sudden, but we’re moving in together (mostly bc I couldn’t afford a place on my own and I couldn’t live with a stranger). He’s amazing, but something abt him is really bothering me.
I told him I didn’t want to have anal sex because it would just hurt me and he jokingly said “we’ll see.”
He told me he’s made a girl orgasm in the past from anal and I told him she was probably lying but he brushed it off. I told him it’s a hard no from me and he brushed that off too.
I really, really don’t want to have anal sex ever. I’ve tried it and it hurt really badly, even with lube, but it seems like something he’s going to keep pushing. He’s mentioned threesomes before and I have a lot of issues involving them because of stuff that happened in my last relationship (ex begged me for a threesome, I said no, he went out and had sex with the girl he wanted to have the threesome with), but didn’t push too hard on it like he did with anal.
I don’t understand why he won’t take me seriously about this. I really don’t want to do it but I feel like he’ll try to pressure me into it eventually. I don’t want to make waves about it because it seems so inconsequential but I honestly don’t know what to do if he brings it up again. I even said it was a hard no, and he ignored that. I don’t want to be in pain during sex and I don’t want him to get off on me being in pain. I can’t just dump him over this because of our lease and it’s not something that I think we should end our relationship over. I need a more firm way of dealing with this so he sees that my boundaries can’t just be eroded so he can get what he wants.
I honestly blame porn and general cumbrain logic for this. Although he’s stopped watching porn since we got together and I suggested he read some Dworkin to be more educated on the matter, I feel like it’s still creeping in and will cause problems sexually. It just makes me feel so low that, even with all my vetting and caution, things still ended up this way.
No. 407582
>>407498get some glycerin suppositories for the constipation if you can, fastest and gentlest solution
I don't know if it 's an option for you but maybe you could try THC for the anxiety/sleep issues; I suffered from horrible insomnia and night terrors since I was kid and it is the only thing that has allowed me to get a full night's sleep
No. 407585
>>407580I know this doesn't really help, but I'd be tempted to buy a strap on and see how he felt about getting fucked in the ass
Hopefully some other anon can give better advice than me; I'm sorry you're in this situation, you deserve to be loved and respected and I hope you are able to work something out
No. 407593
>>407580tell him you won't do anal unless he lets you also finger his ass/fuck him with a strapon like the other anon said.
if he asks why just be like, well, you have a prostate, your ass is basically MEANT to be fucked unlike mine.
No. 407595
>>407576Well, it came up. He apologised but it felt disingenuous and now it’s just really tense.. now I’m unsure of if it ever happened.. it feels like now as soon as I’m starting to acknowledge it I’m losing all memory of it and doubting myself
I’m tempted to fall back into old self-harming habits but I’ve made so much progress and don’t want to go back to the kind of person I used to be, sad and defined by my trauma..
No. 407602
>>407592I'm looking at the list of thought distortions my therapist gave me, and it kind of sounds like fortune telling:
>Making negative predictions about the future, such as how people will behave or how events will play outOr maybe downplaying positives:
>Minimising or dismissing positive qualities, achievements, or behaviours by telling yourself that they are unimportant or do not count.It's hard because a lot of these distortions overlap. Either way anon, life is too short for you to worry about these things. I'm happy to hear that you have so many positives in your life. Hold onto those and push the negative worries away as best as you can.
No. 407603
>>407595Can you afford to speak to a therapist about this? I am sorry to ask, but in my country therapy is free and I was seen within about 6 weeks after self-referring myself. You went through a traumatic experience and I think you need professional help to get you through this.
I am very sorry that this happened to you. Please don't harm yourself, keep remembering about the progress you've made.
No. 407800
>>407609I have the same exact issues as you. C-PTSD and severe depersonalization/derealization for over 10 years. I have tried everything, seriously, name a medication and I have tried it.
I was on 45mg mirtazapine for almost a year and it did help in some ways. It helped me sleep and helped me not be as emotionally reactive. It isn't an SSRI, just so you know. But it did nothing for the DP/DR. And didn't help my paranoia and hyper-vigilance. It also made me gain a ton of weight and extremely hungry all the time. It messes with your blood sugar which causes intense cravings for carbs/sugar hence why you gain weight. Also there is withdrawal when coming off it but it's not as bad as SSRIs or benzos.
Unfortunately nothing I've ever been on helps DP/DR. Literally nothing. Benzos, SSRIs, mood stabilizers, stimulants, anti-psychotics, etc…nothing. Many of them made it worse. I am personally doing a lot better with my C-PSTD and have come a long way but the DP/DR remains. I just feel I am cursed to it forever. Sorry if this is depressing but I'm trying to be honest here. I'm almost 30 and I started having this at 12. And nothing helps.
You should try the mirtazapine at least for a bit just to see, because everyone is different. Many people swear by it. Don't have to commit for very long with it, like with SSRIs.
No. 407878
>>407875I totally feel you on that. It's actually been that way for 5 years with me now but certain old habits die hard and I can't help but check some things online. Maybe it's because we're aging or just have seen it all already, you know? Everything's lost its magic and I feel like the internet is getting more stale than what it used to be.
Fell in love with reading books last summer and it made me a lot happier too. Changed my world and gives me a lot of time afk.
No. 407881
File: 1557281011958.jpg (3.77 KB, 291x173, images.jpg)
Tonight I was having insomnia and the neighbour was throwing a party. He was blasting shitty music and had already thrown a party until 4 am just a week before. I hate such behaviour and was somewhat plotting a revenge, like buzzing at his doorbell at 6 am or something like that. But more than anything, I was wondering: am I really the only person annoyed by his parties? So I went out and knocked at his door to literally ask him that and to tell him his music sucked.
This is how I ended up drinking beer at a stranger's home, surrounded by 5 of the said stranger's friends and who I didn't know either, while in my pajamas and talking about my weirdest archeological find: pubes.
I wish I wasn't such a weird sperg sometimes.
Now it's 4 am, I went back to my bed, their party is over and I still can't sleep.
No. 407923
>>407611Thank you! I see a psychologist every few weeks and I'm on a (one year) waiting list for DBT, so this would be on top of that.
>>407615It takes me like two/three hours to get to sleep regardless of when I go to bed. I can't turn my brain off when I'm trying to sleep and I end up worrying about someone/something "getting" me while I'm unconscious and vulnerable.
>>407621I think you were trying to reply to me rather than that anon, but apologies if you weren't. I've been trying to gain 20lbs for a while (anxiety killed my appetite), so I'm okay
with some weight gain. How much did you gain? Also thank you for the tip, and for the luck!
>>407760I never had sedation issues with quetiapine, but it gave me hallucinations and stuff so I think it really wasn't compatible with my brain. I'm glad the mirtazapine helps counteract your quetiapine issues!
>>407800I've never met another person with DP/DR issues like mine, so even though we're both totally screwed by it it's kinda nice to know I'm not the only robot person out there. I know it isn't an SSRI (I've sworn off those), but I'm still scared of messing with my brain chemistry at all. Have you tried lamotrigine? I was looking into it but the psychiatrist suggested mirtazapine instead. I'm 26 and the DP/DR became permanent at 17, so I'm scared of it being lifelong too. I hope your fog lifts someday.
No. 408005
>>408003I'm so fucking anxious, I just want to quit it all.
I fantasize about buying myself a nice hotel room to overdose in. I wish it was all so simple and over.
No. 408018
File: 1557317095267.jpeg (412.63 KB, 1536x2048, 1252BBC7-A0D3-48BE-947D-486525…)
Why do people take pics in the nastiest bathrooms
No. 408044
>>408013>>408017A lot of internet memes are still "so random". They try to be ironic but everyone unironically laughs at the randomness of it anyway.
>>408018Why is she like 20 wearing a japanese middle school cosplay outfit is a better question.
No. 408089
File: 1557332501412.jpg (883 KB, 1990x1620, givenup.jpg)
I don't know exactly what bullshit is going on with my brain chemistry but it's been spiraling for the past couple of years and I think I did a bad.
Couldn't face handing in my shitty unfinished dissertation (that I never even talked to my supervisor about since I felt too self conscious to arrange to meet this guy I've never met via email and/or give him my shit work) so just kinda didn't hand it in and now I'm probably gonna fail uni and have to move back in with my parents 200 miles away in my terminally boring hometown where nothing ever happens to anybody ever, only this time with about £100k in debt to show for it. My attendance is already garbage because sometimes if I was running really late I just wouldn't turn up because I felt too awkward bursting in in the middle of class. One time I came to class, realized that this particular lecture required class contribution that I was woefully unprepared for, puked in a trash can, nearly fainted and then didn't show up again for 3 weeks because I felt so so bad for inconveniencing everybody.
I suppose I might be able to repeat the year but I think I have to actually get diagnosed with an actual mental illness. I don't have a GP right now and the thought of having to talk to strangers to get one kinda makes me wanna go commit die, but at the same time I don't think I'm quite angsty enough to just turn up at A&E and try to get admitted to the loony bin so welp, guess I'll just lie here and wait for the sweet release of death
No. 408101
File: 1557336424776.png (114.55 KB, 267x230, grouphmm.png)
I just found out the class withdrawal period during this semester is huge, and the last day is the same day my final is due.
My grade in this online class is currently a F and the final is 43% of the final grade. If I don't pass it I can't graduate and would have to take it again next spring. If I get a really high grade on it I might be able to scrape by for graduation. I'm not sure if my work would be good enough to pass but I can withdraw to avoid getting the F …this is a lot to think about two days before it's due.
No. 408103
I hate it when adults presume a child can't or won't understand something, or they personally would feel too guilty telling the truth, so they lie to them about big, important things. It's not a mercy, and the whole "preservation of innocence through ignorance" thing is nostalgia-tinted, delusional rubbish.
My parents did it to me a lot (and often still do), and not only did I feel stupid for believing them, it makes me feel like I can't trust them. Everything is a convenient half-truth.
If I ever have kids, I'll tell them the truth about the complicated things. I'd rather they be sad about reality and be able to grow healthy coping methods with my guidance and consolation, than let them remain blissfully unaware until life crashes down on their heads when they least expect it.
Don't tell a kid their father or mother or even their beloved pet is "coming back soon" when you know he's not, or that you're "just a little sick" when you're about to fucking die. Respect them more than that, for fuck's sake.
No. 408112
>>407881This is actually a funny story. Wholesome, almost? In a very odd way.
Did you ever get the sleep you needed, anon?
No. 408135
File: 1557345419178.jpg (1.08 MB, 3024x3024, er2xp0q1s2u21.jpg)
About a month ago I noticed my stomach starting to get bigger. I'm thin so it stuck out like a sore thumb. I thought I was either pregnant or getting very unfortunate fat distribution. The other day, though, it got so painful that all I could do was sit on the floor and cry. I went to the hospital, and found out that I had a massive (4 lb, softball or basketball sized) ovarian cyst… Fuck. Well, they kept me overnight and took it out the next day. (two days ago). I'm not so happy about the huge incision from my pelvic bone to above my belly button, but I am so happy that it's out of me, and I don't look pregnant anymore! I can't really walk much for the next few weeks. I never thought about how much stomach muscles you use to move your body.
No. 408137
>>408135Holy shit. I'm glad the operation went well and that your recovery will be swift.
I'm unsure if it will work for incision scars, but when my hips grew wider I had a few stretch marks that were quite dark. I rubbed Bio Oil on them religiously for weeks and now they've faded. If that bothers you, maybe you could try that?
No. 408143
File: 1557347017583.jpg (807.21 KB, 2448x3264, t3_72h4gn.jpg)
I fucking hate being so tired every time I go to school. I only have to go 2 days a week (which is a blessing and a curse). But every time after school at home I just crash. No energy what so ever. I have been lying in bed for 4 hour just existing and feeling the tiredness in my body.
I don't think I have a deficiency as I take a multi vitamin every day, on top of a couple other mineral supplements (magnesium, potassium, fish oil).
I do workout at least 2 times a week (sometimes 3 to 4 times, really depends on the energy levels). I don't know. Maybe it's because I go so rarely that I just lost my school-stamina, or just a lot of mental exhaustion after minimal mental exhaustion, idk. I just freaking hate feeling like this and actually being useless.
No. 408186
File: 1557356346118.jpg (231.47 KB, 1200x954, Do55ow9U0AA2jKr.jpg)
I think I was raped when I was 12, but I've never perceived the thing as rape until recently. I'm 22 now, and I've never told this to anybody, not even close friends.
For some reason, my mom used to encourage me to date even when I was still a literal kid. So when I was 11, a boy 2 years older than me started hitting on me. I had no interest in him, I just wanted to play sonic and stardoll, but the boy was so annoying and insistent and my mom said "poor boy, why don't you date him?", so I ended up accepting. We dated for 3 years. It was pretty innocent at the beginning, we would just kiss and hold hands, but after some time, he started to try to touch me and want some more. My mom told me: if you have sex with him once, you can't stop anymore, he's going to always want it.
Despite enjoying messing around like a horny teenager, I didn't feel ready, but when I was 12, I gave in. I hated it, it was terrible. I cried a lot because I felt dirty, I thought I was a sinner who would rot in hell (at that time I still had religious beliefs).
Even though I hated it so much, I kept having sex with him whenever he wanted, because of my mom's words. I was so naive, I thought that just because he was my boyfriend, I had to accept that. But it was horrible. I remember being still while he took off my clothes and shoved his dick into me, and I just waited for him to finish. It hurt, sometimes I would contract myself so he couldn't put his dick in me, and I remember crying once or twice, because I really didn't want that… But I never said "no". Not even once I said I didn't want that.
I once complained to my mom that I didn't like it and didn't want to it anymore, that I never even had an orgasm, but she kinda blamed me for not liking it and gave me "tips" to try to enjoy it more (wtf). I even tried doing what she said, but of course it didn't work. Also, I didn't even liked the guy that much. Being with him it was kind of a chore, and when he left I was happy to go back to my games, animu and fanfic again. I broke up with the guy multiple times but he'd never leave me alone until we come back again, even though he cheated on me all the time (and I've came to know about this years later).
What I find weird until today is that there's no way that guy didn't know I didn't want to have sex with him. Teenagers can be dumb and clueless, but I think it was obvious. Maybe he didn't care, just wanted someone to put his dick in almost everyday. I also don't understand how I standed that for a year or so, and how my mom let that happen. I even told her that I cried once but I don't even remember her reaction. But I blamed myself, I thought I was a bad girlfriend for being frigid.
After the last time I broke up, I thought myself as dirty and used, for losing my virginity at such a tender age. I developed some kind of complex - I thought that no one would want me anymore, so I had to stay with him forever. So even thought I didn't give a shit about him when we were together, after breaking up, I cried almost everyday. I never told my friends about having sex with him, I lied about being a virgin, but then someone (probably him) spreaded that to the school and it made me feel much worse.
I felt like shit for years, and as if it wasn't bad, when I was 15 I dated an asshole that would shame me for losing my virginity early, even thought I lied about the age I lost it - I said it was 14. The next one broke up with me when he found out. The next one couldn't accept it and used to throw tantrums quite frequently.
Until today, I still blame myself. How the fuck did I let that happen? How was I so fucking dumb? Why did I dated so many guys when I was a teenager? Why didn't I just stay just playing my dumb bratz and sonic games and watching naruto instead of dating?
Thinking about it now, maybe it's the source to all my other insecurities that came after and led to suicidal thoughts when I was 16. Fuck, how I wish I could go back in time and tell that guy to go to hell or something.
No. 408187
>>408173I get it, it's why I don't pursue those relationships or reveal my feelings about those men to them. I don't feel as attracted to young guys or even guys who are older than me but younger than 30.
I don't know what it is, I wish I didn't have this preference but never pursued a relationship with an older man beyond talking over the internet.
No. 408190
>>408165There's nothing wrong with liking older guys as long as he's not a bad person in general. Don't beat yourself up for your tastes just because other people have different ones. I've always had a thing for older guys.
>>408186Sounds like you grew up in a seriously low class area. Your mom is really to blame for encouraging that kind of behavior.
I don't know how many years ago that happened but you really should forgive yourself, realize you were just a kid and couldn't think critically and try to move on with your life. Maybe therapy.
No. 408192
>>408186anon i'm so sorry about all of that happening to you. none of it is your fault, it is chiefly your mom (seriously, who tf gives sex tips to a 12 year old daughter who's complaining she doesn't want to fuck/be raped by her boyfriend) and the guy too, no matter how hormonal and desperate to get his dick wet, it sounds like you were making it obvious you didn't want that sort of contact.
it does sound fairly traumatic and probably influenced all the things you mentioned down the line. if you feel like you can't tell your friends about this, maybe consider going to a therapist? it doesn't seem like you are quite over it and therapy could help!
No. 408196
>>408189no, i understand! it would be less creepy in my friend's case if the age gap was more normal, but the thought of marrying your 1st boyfriend creeps me out on its own too. like the typical hs sweetheart trajectory for example is so idealised, yet i haven't seen it work out once irl.
i'm not sure if it is worse or better that she was a "late bloomer" and they started dating him at 19 but the age gap on top of it all just makes kill bill sirens go off in my head every time i think about it.
also her family situation makes her even more vulnerable and i don't think it's my place to go into it, but it makes me worry about the dynamic of her relationship even more. i just wish i could talk openly with her about it without her getting mad at me or know in some way that everything will pan out ok haha
No. 408208
>>408137Thank you, I'll definitely be looking into that. I tell everyone that I won't mind any scarring, but deep down I kinda do, of course. I chose staples because of their efficiency and strength over dissolvable stitches.
>>408138Haha thank you anon, I tbought about that too. :)
No. 408233
File: 1557368144601.png (680.19 KB, 1002x664, Screen Shot 2019-03-19 at 10.5…)
im 23 years old and i realized that so much of me as a person is just trying to be liked and its like sad and pathetic honestly, im trying to come up with my first thesis exhibition theme that is hyped to be a culmination of all ive learned while at art school and i realized what i do, i do to appeal to what someone wants, i literally don't have my own clear distinct interests and themes to explore because i draw for other people to tell me they like it. I love what i do and i always have but like holy shit i don't have a fucking personality. and if i just pulled solely from my own heart i just draw about being fucking depressed so like i don't do that because then i have to show people
No. 408315
>>408288Thank you for your advice, i'm from the EU so we have different regulations regarding medicine and stuff. I do need a multi vitamin just so I get my vitamin D, iron and B12, the rest is just so everything is covered (non of the vitamins go beyond 100%, my doctor said that was fine).
Did not know about the fish oil, i'll look into that.
No. 408323
>>408315Fish oil is good for you! It also contains vit D, it's why food in Northern Europe is very fish-heavy. So a multivitamin + fish oil might be overkill. I've heard from a doctor that vit D supplements alone aren't as effective as walking outside on a sunny day and eating fish once a week. I've tried the Möller brand and it's nice.
Instead of a multivitamin, maybe switch to a nutrition drink like Ovomaltine/Ovaltine? It still has vitamins but less, and is easier to digest than supplements. Plus it lasts a lot longer, tastes good and helps you sleep.
Overall, I think a healthier diet and more exercise would do wonders for you. Emphasis on exercise, maybe do some jogging now that the weather's getting better (though where I live it just snowed… in May).
No. 408350
I'm really tired of hearing about the royal baby.
As a biracial woman myself, the same mix as Megan. I'm sick to death of people nitpicking this child apart only a day or so, since it's been ripped out of her womb.
It's either "Will the baby have an afro?" or "Will it have red hair?" or "Will he have light eyes?" or "Will he have thick lips?"
I just sigh.
Obviously, quarter-caste (Quadroons) babies to mixed and white parents always look more white. They're like whites with slightly black features. Like a lighter hue of what a direct mixed person like Megan, Obama, Halle Berry ect myself look like. Usually have lighter eyes, looser hair, very light tan skin or even white skin.
It's just depressing.
I feel like we as mixed people and these white mixed kids are zoo animals. Especially now. As if the fetishisation of mixed people isn't bad enough. You've got the Kardashians and their pile of mixed kids. You've got weebs wanting half Japanese babies and the Kpop weirdos wanting a half korean white kid. It's fucked up.
I feel like people forget we're human and not photoshop designer people or some shit.
But if you complain as a biracial person, you're assumed to be bragging or get the "You don't know the struggle". Mixed people have their own struggle and some people don't realise this.
Personally, I am happy for Megan and Harry. I'm happy for William and Kate. I'm happy for all new parents around the world with their new babies. It's a lovely thing.
But I just hate how mixed kids are still shredded apart and expect to have certain features, if they don't then they disappoint. It's so dehumanising.
No. 408356
>>408350The worst are people who marry someone of another ethnicity / encourage their friends and kids to marry someone of another ethnicity because "you'll make pretty babies!". It sounds like breeding cattle. And it becomes worse the trendier it is.
On a related note, I also like the thought behind inclusion and diversity but so many companies are hopping on the bandwagon and competing who will have the most "diverse" and "yooneeq" models for social justice points to a point of making it so empty and disingenuous. Yeah it's cool that you got a conventionally pretty freckled ginger black girl with vitiligo for your campaign but why doesn't that inclusiveness translate to what they're actually selling? Easier yet, why don't they just include everyday fucking people off the streets into their campaigns?
I'm glad that at least some foundation shades and clothing cuts are more available, but even then it's only a certain kind of fat person that is catered to and only certain kind of deep skintone.
No. 408431
yo I love the dog park but hate the people sometimes so I'm gonna do a long vent.
brought my 20-pound miniature poodle to the dog park. there are two separate sections, one for big dogs (over 30pounds) one for small dogs (under 30pounds.) As we're approaching, I watch a woman bring her 50+pound German Shepherd from the big side to the little side. When we get into the park, the owner is like "oh what a cutie! my dog will love him!!" And I'm like "uh yeah, my dog isn't going to love yours, he does not appreciate big dogs being in the small dog side." I don't say it rudely, I tell my dog to walk away so I can pat her dog, I tell her how handsome her dog is and how I wish my dog liked everyone. She respectfully goes back to the big dog side.
Half an hour later, there are no other dogs in the little dog side but there are 3 big dogs and one small dog (like, 10 pounds, 8months old) in the big dog side. We chilled, we enjoyed the sun, and on the way out my dog stands by the gate to the big dog side (if he doesn't get enough socialization he likes to take a lap around that side and bump noses before we leave.) The woman with the German Shepherd is like "what are you doing in here??? I thought your dog HATES big dogs" in a snippy voice and I'm like "no, he doesn't hate big dogs, he just likes to have a 'safe' area and then be able to leave his comfort zone if he chooses to" and she was PISSED, dragged the owner of the other small dog to the corner and avoided all interaction with me until I left. We took a lap, my dog was totally fine with all the other dogs, then he sat in my lap as I talked to this old guy who started saying weird shit but was being overall pleasant. my dog got overwhelmed by the rough play after a little bit so we left.
I'm like yes, I did bring him to the big side, but only after he got to relax in the small side comfortably, and only because he asked to switch to the big side. It's about having the choice, and the comfort zone. If there are big dogs in the big side and big dogs in the little side, there is no comfortable option for my small dog. It's not fair to give him 0 options when your dog is clearly happy and comfortable everywhere. Also, the signs say "NO big dogs in small area" and "small dogs SHOULD use small area" so like only one of us was actually breaking the rules of the park here.
No. 408445
>>407352>>407354I felt this!!
Nothing makes me feel truly happy anymore. And there is nothing I can do about it, it seems. I barely get excited about things anymore. But get this. How fucking come I am feeling butterflies and so giddy over this one guy I know long distance who I've never met but nobody else and nothing else can make me feel the same way?? It drives me crazy and it's depressing that I can't do anything about it and can't change how I feel towards things.
No. 408448
File: 1557425539065.png (1.23 MB, 1094x1414, 8q1OF6W.png)
i sure do love paying for medical insurance that i cannot afford to use anyway!
No. 408492
>>408446If my "toddler" was done at the "toddler park" and wanted to walk once around the "all ages" park (not "big kids only", as there usually are, and in fact are already on that day, toddlers playing there with the big kids in accordance with the rules) to say hi to everyone before leaving, yeah I would be fine with that. sure he
could get hurt in that short time, but that's a risk every parent accepts by being at the "all ages" park. and the "toddler park" as well for that matter. no park is risk-free.
anyway yeah I see what y'all are getting at, and I have more I could add, but I mostly don't care enough anymore, just wanted to vent. don't have the energy to argue. we'll keep going back to that park anyway
No. 408495
>>408431Sounds like it was a misunderstanding, it might have helped if you were more clear about what you meant, to be honest.
There's a difference between "My dog doesn't like everyone" and "My dog's a sweetheart, but gets kind of skittish at first, especially around big dogs. I'd like to give him/her a bit of time to relax and feel safe, and s/he'll definitely catch up with yours soon". It sounds like the latter was more accurate, and she probably would've understood.
No. 408497
File: 1557433682014.png (77.07 KB, 382x394, gdi.png)
Anxiety holds me back so much. I realise that I feel highly motivated, when I'm feeling angry or spiteful. Once that pissed off feeling goes away I'm left really timid and hating myself for overthinking everything I do to the point of feeling sick.
I remember hearing someone saying something like, it's quite full of yourself/narcissistic to think everyone is constantly staring at you and thinking about what you are doing all the time. And I know that, but it doesn't stop my brain from thinking that I'm acting/look like a complete fool that everyone hates all the time.
I wish I could go back in time to when I was 11 and still a confident little shit who wanted to be a famous actress and wanted to have lots of friends. It's true what they say that you spend your entire life getting over high school cause I feel like I've been fucked over by the experiences I had. this is convoluted but i'm crying and tired and really needed to vent.
No. 408507
>>408506I feel you! It is awful to have to do it (like in the moment telling them you don't want to be in contact) but afterwards it's the MOST freeing feeling. I went no-contact with my dad between Christmas and New Year's (I went to his house a few days before Christmas against my will, but as a "I'll do this one last nice gesture and then cut it off" kind of thing) and he kinda trapped me into agreeing to see him like a week later, when we usually don't see each other more than twice a year (if I'm lucky. more would be bad.) I emailed him two days after Christmas and told him I didn't want to see him or hear from him again until I reached out first. The first month was weird because he sent me a random email about something stupid clearly to test the waters. His birthday was in late March and I didn't reach out and even though I was nervous about it beforehand, I'm so so so glad I didn't. Now he knows I'm serious about wanting to be away from him. It's like breathing fresh air for the first time. I don't know how I could ever
want him in my life again, but I don't have to worry about that until (if) it happens.
one of my sisters is kinda no-contact with him, but she never explicitly told him that, so she's in this weird murky "I will never answer a call or an email but if I have to see you I'll pretend nothing is wrong" place with him now. At least she lives 2000 miles away. Whereas I'm within 50 miles but like "DO NOT EVEN BOTHER" and it feels so good to have that firmly in place.
No. 408514
>>408509It'll get better every day. I totally understand the ickiness, since it's always drilled into our heads like "they're your parent! they do their best, even if they're not perfect they'll always love you! you just aren't trying hard enough to meet in the middle!" like no. I don't owe them anything just because they forced me to exist and then did a shitty job of raising me (which they are obligated to do with 0 expectation of being repaid because that's what parenting fucking is.) If they fucked up bad enough that their child doesn't want to see them ever again, that's on them. not on the child.
give it two weeks and you'll feel so much better. it's honestly the biggest relief. you don't have to see her again. you don't owe her anything and you're FREE anon!!
No. 408526
>>408521my dad had this whack-ass girlfriend for a few years and she used to always just like place the cap back on the tube without screwing it on at all and he would always get SO MAD when it would fall off when he picked it up. She called it her "fatal flaw" (lmao)
once we all went out to eat at this Italian restaurant and she literally ordered a salad and a BOWL of marinara sauce. just sauce. and she ate it like soup. first she unscrewed the cap to the parmesan cheese shaker that was on the table and poured a bunch of that in. and wouldn't ya know it, my dad goes to pick up the parmesan after her and the cap isn't screwed on and it comes loose like 2 inches into the air and parmesan goes EVERYWHERE. he was SO so so angry, she was screaming "IT'S MY FATAL FLAW!!!!" and my sisters and I were just trying our best not to laugh.
No. 408541
File: 1557446600134.jpg (40.38 KB, 480x319, gallery-1521027456.jpg)
I'm tired of the current political and consumerist climate. Been on the web since IRC and finally deleted all my social media this year. Nothing feels genuine anymore and you are constantly bombarded by ads by companies and mutuals. Buy this buy that tag this tag that, why feel satisfied when you are missing out on this new thing? Younger generations don't realize that planned obsolescence SHOULDN'T be normal. And product quality is becoming indirectly proportionate to its price. No I don't want to buy different versions of the same game. No I don't care about your indistinguishable brand and etsy store. No my refusal to pay exorbitant ticket prices to see a multi million dollar company's movie does not mean I'm a misogynist.
Social media feels like a sea of narcissists competing to scream the loudest and I'm fucking exhausted.
No. 408560
>>408514it feels good. i've had so many cousins of mine and my half-sister unrelated to my mom, come to me with support and love and advice. a lot of them have done similar with their moms even have them on file for harassment.
the moment i came home seeing the fact my mom deactivated her facebook, her most
favorite place to show off her narcissistic ways, i knew i did something right.
she made a complete fool of herself. all i did was share a picture of her texts threatening me with the police multiple times for ignoring her multiple requests a day and she went into crazy mode. bringing up nitpicky shit unrelated to me, writing like an angsty teenager, just talking about people i'm close to and how terrible they are of a person. like for 6 hours she had something new to say and the funniest thing is i still ignored her. i let her go off writing her paragraphs. she went to bed and first thing in the morning was go back to my picture to say something else, still about things unrelated to me. she started deleting her older comments, editing her comments with emojis and wording them differently… i got to see it ALL. she couldn't win. and finally she started demanding i delete the photo. almost 12 hours after she dressed it all up with her rants and my friends offering me support. it was beautiful. i felt in control with her for once.
i honestly felt sort of bad at first for posting it on facebook but she was trying to be all cryptic about it on hers for days with the posts she was sharing. victimizing herself and some mysterious bad person in her life, it made me feel terrible because i literally had just been doing nothing besides ignoring her. i'm sure she had a great time telling her coworkers about her heartbreaking family issues.
No. 408571
>>408567It's also they started getting together while he was trying to get me back and now I don't know how long they were having sex and now I have to go get an STD test in a foreign country and I feel like a fucking fool.
I know I shouldn't dwell but I'm so angry because I don't know how long I was the town laughingstock.
No. 408623
>>408619Don't be afraid to share your feelings about porn with him, my bf stopped watching porn after I told him it made me feel disrespected and less special because I knew for a fact men picture themselves having sex with the actress on screen.
Our sex life got way better since and he's very happy about letting go of porn now.
No. 408709
>>408694I…kind of know that feel? I feel pressure to get implants and that I
should want/have bigger breasts even if I don't actually want them. I'm a pear so sometimes worry my figure is "incomplete" even though internally I'm happy with it lmao.
Just remember that implants can fuck up in so many ways wrt your health. Look up some horror stories of women's bodies rejecting them or poisoning them and shit, hearing that always scares me out of it. As well as the cost.
Also many men do like them, I know that's a big anxiety for me too (especially since I have no one at the moment). You may be anti-porn (me too tbh), but subreddits exist that are dedicated to nudes of flat ladies of all shapes and sizes. And men who are more into either butt or legs also exist.
Also what
>>408697 said. I recall an hourglass anon posting recently about how difficult it is to find clothes because of both her bust and hips. It's nice to just walk into a store and be able to buy cute tops, right?
No. 408713
File: 1557513426282.jpg (76.42 KB, 891x1100, 8aa631187d0dece4e799d759a3197f…)
>>408694It probably doesn't mean much coming from an anonymous stranger but for real, having smaller boobs isn't an automatic death sentence for your appearance. Personally, I always wished I had smaller boobs since I thought they make girls look chic and slim, and cute tiny tops always look adorable and flattering on small chests. I'm sure lots of other people would agree that small boobs can be just as attractive and desirable as bigger ones.
Audrey Hepburn is regarded as one of the most beautiful women and has been for decades, and she had a small bust. People admired her beauty for her slim figure, not in spite of it. Marilyn Monroe and other stars had bigger boobs, but that didn't stop people from also thinking that Audrey was beautiful too.
It fucking sucks being ruled by your physical insecurities, I certainly know that firsthand, and I really hope that you can learn to appreciate your body and know that you can absolutely be sexy and beautiful and womanly no matter your chest size.
No. 408722
>>408712yeah we've talked about it. he says that he "over thinks" it and i don't think he's lying when he says that, i just don't know what he means by that and how i can help him. he apologizes to me and when i tell him i'm not upset (i don't want to make him feel bad even though i am very upset) he says that he's upset about it and that he's trying to work on it. i just don't know what to do. i keep crying over it because it hurts so badly.
i'm really shy about asking for things and before all of this he would initiate sex usually but since this has been happening i tried to initiate but he always rejected me so i just stopped trying because it just hurts too much. he doesn't seem to have any kinks at all either. i've told him i'm open to trying things but he hasn't taken me up on my offer. I think he’s fine with being vanilla so I don’t think that’s the problem
honestly, i think he's depressed. this had been a problem for almost a year. he used to tell me that he was "tired" which i understood cause he works hard. then he quit his job and it was the same thing while he was unemployed, and now he has another job and it just keeps getting worse.
it's like there is a giant elephant in the room every night when we go to sleep. i don't know if talking about it more is going to make the situation better.
sorry for the novel i'm just at a loss and i'm scared this is going to ruin our relationship. It’s kinda funny though because when we were starting to move in with each other he was worried I would stop having sex with him but the tables have definitely turned.
No. 408723
>>408710>>408710>it's just kinda depressing to see girls with massive tits get praise and attention Do you really want "praise" and attention from men who are obsessed with one body feature, though?
I have a B cup myself, and honestly after seeing and hearing so many times guys saying shit like "oh this girl looks meh but I'm having sex with her because of her big boobs" and other disrespectful things, it seems big breasts are a douchebag magnet.
Besides if you have wide hips and a round butt there is
zero reason you shouldn't feel womanly.
No. 408727
>>408694I know how you feel but I never considered surgery because it's one of my phobia, even though a lot of people encouraged it. I don't think surgery by itself will help for your self-esteem issues unless you're lucky and everything goes perfectly well. My sister got a nosejob as a teenager for the same reason and while people made less fun of her I don't think she particularly felt all that much better about herself until years later. See if there are ways you can improve your self-esteem before considering surgery because that's very drastic and it can go very wrong and fuck you up even more.
>>408697Not her but I'm less than a A cup and I almost never find bralettes my size that look good and can be fully covered by trendy clothes. I like what Savage Fenty has so far but all the sales they have are limited to the customers who buy a subscription of some kind nowadays.
No. 408742
File: 1557523080254.gif (118.45 KB, 380x370, tumblr_om3e90wGxC1t33d6lo1_400…)
I cannot stop fantasizing over this one game I've been playing since 2012 and all the characters have grown on me so much that I just simply cannot stop being so obsessive and creepy about it.
There's this one character I really like and I get so possessive and jealous as soon as I find out someone else likes him as well, I don't even want anyone talking to me who claims to "love him more than I do". I have so many loveshrines and playlists dedicated to him, I have an entire folder filled with 2-3k pictures + drawings + videos + gifs of him, I even have my own website somewhere in the web for him where I write my daily thoughts about him and I feel so warm and soft inside when I think about him. And the worst part is that he's just a fictional character and only truly exists in my head and the game.
I don't even want a boyfriend or a man in my life, I'm just perfectly fine with that character and my headcanons. I'm aware that this is really getting out of hand, I've been doing it for so many years (ever since I was like 11-12) and I still cannot stop. It's really disturbing and that's why I don't tell anyone about it irl, but at the same time it also really makes me happy.
I do believe that I do all of this to cope with the sexual and emotional trauma I experienced back then when I started playing that game and I seek comfort in him to get away from all the bad and negative thoughts in my head (+ I am also autistic so this is like the biggest interest for me), but I'm a young adult now and no longer a kid or a teenager so I have to stop being like this. But the thought of stopping all of this really makes me so unbelievably distressed, because it's basically a part of my daily routine now and I don't want to abandon him or my interest like this.
No. 408743
>>408694Fellow anon with small chest. I love my small chest. I know there's a lot of people on the internet who think small chests = teenager so that means you can't be attracted to people with small breasts or else it's illegal, but they're wrong and very full of themselves. Puberty doesn't happen at 18, it happens around 8-14 and guess what, a lot of women end up having small chests. Nothing's wrong with us.
We look great in a lot of clothing. There's tons of cute styles of lingerie/bras for us to choose from that diminish when you have a bigger chest. A lot of clothing won't fit us uncomfortably in our chest area, especially unisex styles. No having to deal with back issues. You can look sexy without a big chest, there's tons of styles of clothing that can accentuate your curves. I love wearing A-line dresses.
It's always good to see the positives in what you were born with.
No. 408806
>>408804literally me too, anon. also reading about pedophile men
triggers me beyond belief yet if i see anything about them my dumb ass is going to read it and hate men and myself more and more each time. not sure why i do it when i know its just going to make me want to die.
No. 408809
>>408805Yeah! Actually that was one reason I was drawn to the debacle, although it still makes me miserable to remember that men are still out here doing shit like that (with normally no backlash).
I think it's just become a meme though…but I hope men continue to get memed into hating pedos and cheaters in future.
>>408806>hate men and myself more and more each timeYeah, basically this.
Everything about this situation just sounds like a nightmare. Jared himself is a nightmare.
>>408807I'm sorry to hear that, anon. By similar do you mean it involved a close friend as well? That's awful.
No. 408823
File: 1557562253419.jpg (20.91 KB, 200x229, 1541527709045.jpg)
I want my sister to dump her orbiter "best friend". I'm so angry because of the fact that he touched her armpit to wake her up. (wtf it's one step away from the boob) I'm also paranoid that he might have done something else to her while she was asleep. He confessed his feels to her again (1st time was in high school) and was handsy with her. He tried to hug and cuddle with her multiple times but she avoided it. He also complained to her about not finding a good gf and "where the good women have gone?" She told me that she is starting to get uncomfortable with him and told me everything that happened. To find out that it was happening under my nose when I was at work and when our parents were not home, which infuriated me.
He liked her in high school and became friends with her when her old friends turned on her. I was the only one who is still apprehensive and cold to him throughout the years they were friends. My parents invited and let him stay in our home multiple times. They also defended him and told me that I shouldn't be so mean to him. He took advantage of her vulnerability and my family's kindness.
My mother found out and made it clear to my sister that he is no longer welcome to stay in the house. However, she leaves it up to my sister to cut ties as she knows that she is an adult now.
I never trusted him, but I love and trust my sister. I do not want to control her life and want to respect and trust the decisions she makes. However, she was caught off guard by it. I keep telling her to drop him if "he is not going to respect your feelings and continues pursuing you". She also agrees with me that what he has done was creepy behavior, but I don't think she is going to cut ties…
I should have said something sooner. I'm so angry that this happened. I'm so angry he took advantaged of my family and especially my own sister's feelings when she was most vulnerable!!
No. 408825
>>408823Orbiters are
toxic and annoying and he sounds like a creep… but so far all he's done is touch her armpit and try to hug her? No offense but unless she's like 14 she doesn't need this much protectiveness and it doesn't warrant that much anger. She should get rid of him because orbiters only bring you down but it's not exactly cause for alarm that some guy likes her and tried to cuddle.
No. 408826
I feel so much like shit now. I had my two of my family members rip me to shreds emotionally, and not even the one who was predominantly abusive to me. I had a mental breakdown and I was trying to desperately contain myself away from them so I wouldn't bother and badger them. They overheard and began bombarding me and trying to ask me twenty questions, which only made me more aggravated. Even if you're concerned, and frankly, it's funny that they're concerned, because they're never around, I live with my dad and he's always out of state/out of country, never checks in on me, and always pretends like he doesn't give a fuck. It seems like such pathetic virtue signaling and all it does is further paint me into a corner. I have a psychologist and I take meds, and yet I still occasionally have my messy moments because I feel it's impossible to cure my occasional breakdown, as occasional as they are. I'm bipolar and nobody around me especially within my own family will understand what my experience is like, except for my mom, but she's possibly bpd too, abusive, and won't get proper treatment, and pretends she doesn't have problems. I hate this so much. I have an irl friend who's also bipolar now and I think she understands me better than my family does without even speaking about it. I'm tired of my father and siblings only trying to care about me when I'm in breakdown mode, otherwise it's clear that they don't fucking care. They only want to try and calm that situation so they don't have to deal with me in breakdown mode. Which is precisely why I tried to isolate myself from the situation. And I should be allowed to do that. I don't want to fly off the handle in front of others and being yanked out of my attempt to break down in private is only going to make me feel worse and more ashamed. Even if they don't intend to be rude it just comes across that way. I hate myself so much and I feel like such a lunatic, even if it's not healthy at that moment it's not like the cyclic breakdowns are as frequent as they used to be…. what is wrong with letting me be alone, as long as I'm in a space where I don't think I can harm myself physically away from others? I… I'm tired of it. I just want to have my occaisonal breakdown in peace. I have the last couple times it's happened, my dads been away. I can't avoid it forever. I wish he'd just stop when he clearly gives no fucks the percentage of the time he's out of town and never checks in. Don't virtue signal to your kid / sibling when you only think she's acting "crazy", then it's pretty obviously virtue signaling more than concern. Fucking tired.
No. 408860
>>408857You don't know what those people are actually eating, anon. In my experience, everyone is terrible at estimating what they eat. My skinny friends talk about how they eat like pigs because they'll eat half a pizza when we hang out, but then in their day to day life they'll barely eat anything or exercise a lot. My fat friends who'd cry about how little they actually eat would get up at 3am during sleep-overs to go eat another slice of pie. When I was very overweight I was the same, I didn't realise that every little snack, dessert and even small things like cooking with more cream or oil than necessary actually added up to way more calories than I thought.
It's true that some people have an easier time just because they don't feel as hungry, don't have a sweet-tooth or exercise a lot, but let's not pretend there are people out there eating crazy amounts of calories every day and not burning them off but magically staying thin. Bodies don't work that way unless you've got some terrible disease.
No. 408861
>>408860apparently there's proof eating appetites can be influenced by genetics and even from if you were underweight or normal weight as a baby
im not disagreeing with you just adding on btw
No. 408865
File: 1557585829620.jpg (47.42 KB, 564x846, 32f5865da23d750637d2c1903b1e09…)
i have been talking to this one wonderful guy online for over a year, i honestly like him so much. everything about him is so perfect, he is very sweet and caring. we talk a lot daily. i have never felt that way towards a man.
the only issue is that he lives on another continent. my friends encourage me to date men who are in my uni/live nearby, etc. but i honestly can't bring myself to do that. i live in extremely conservative country where women's rights still have a long way to go, so when i compare phsyically violent men who demand women to be housewives to him, ah, that's such an obvious choice. but i wonder if i am really doing the right thing? am i wasting his time and hurting him?
No. 408867
>>408822Yeah, I feel you.
>>408846UK for me and US for him. So, quite far.
I don't think it'd work, but he's been a wonderful friend either way and supported me during tough times.
No. 408883
>>408868But that's the thing, if they eat out all the time it's probably the only time they're eating throughout the day.
I used to solely eat fast food at one point because I was too anxious to function for myself, I actually ended up losing like 10lbs in a few weeks. I felt like crap because I ate greasy salty shit, but the caloric intake was way under the daily recommended amount.
Also, people work jobs where they have to stand or constantly move around during their shift and that can shed off calories faster than you'd think.
Do know every single movement these people you envy make? Do they live in a two story house? Do they have dogs? Do they work retail or factory jobs? Do they visit the gym? Do they eat one or two meals a day? You need to consider the factors. Sure they may be thin, but they probably feel like shit because of what they put in their bodies.
No. 408958
>>408857I'm equally annoyed about people like you. Just don't eat garbage when you don't have to. Drink water, don't indulge in shit. I see so many people at work just filling their hours with needless calories. Frilly coffees at lunch. Snacks every hour. Sugary drinks and juices. Cut all of that shit out and you don't have to worry.
I eat once a day, yeah, but I get to eat whatever the fuck I want and not have to worry about it.
People with no will power need to stop whining and do something about it
No. 408970
>>408967Do you really think any movement that wants to achieve anything "by any means necessary" is going to be some wishy-washy pseudo-feminism that doesn't want to surrender comfortable tools of the patriarchy because that's too scary or bothersome ?
Choice feminism wants to take a soft approach and compromise with the patriarchy BECAUSE those feminists are terrified of surrendering some comforts and petty (but harmful) luxuries like makeup. Similarly, radfems question and reject those comforts BECAUSE they're willing to do whatever it takes. These things go hand in hand.
No. 408976
>>408135Oh shit Anon, doctors found I have an ovarian cyst as well. There’s an upcoming surgery in a month and I’m barely alive. The latest doctor I went to started panicking how it can be cancer and pointed at my raised tumor markers. I couldn’t get out of bed or eat for two days after that.
Calmed myself down a bit thinking how previous doc wasn’t too concerned.
No. 408984
>>408970sage for samefag but this is why i hate people like you, and radfems in general, you are essentially the same as the patriarchy. comparing choice feminism to being brainwashed by the patriarchy as if women are ignorant beings incapable of making any choices for themselves, but of course radfems can because they see the """truth""". patriarchy or not, we all grow up in society and we all gain different views and feelings on it, and even if they fall in line with what you feel the patriarchy wants, doesn't mean they aren't someone's real and honest feelings. not everyone who wants certain things has to be brainwashed. and the fact that so many radfems feel this way is what makes the movement lose value. choice feminism isn't about "hiding behind choices" it's about understanding that all women are different, and we each realize we're being treated poorly
in our own way. not that everything is evil because men, so liking things that some men want you to like is fucking evil you brainwashed handmaiden!
No. 408985
>>408984Jesus christ what a long paragraph to say absolutely nothing. Are you unironically defending choice feminism…?
When will you spergs stop feeling personally victimized when radfems aren't enthusiastically celebrating makeup use? If you want to use makeup, just use it and stop defending yourself in conversations about feminism. Nobody, not even radfems, thinks you need to live every moment of your life upholding feminism. It isn't a feminist act but that's not an attack against anyone in particular.
No. 409029
>>409026What bothers me is like, there ARE some interesting killers, but there's no pathos in the Columbine case, and that's literally the only thing that ever makes any killers "interesting", yet there's none in their case. I constantly see them trying to rewrite and recast these kids as being so pitiful and pitiable, you know, as if they were
victims themselves (plenty of killers are/were as children, but not these assholes) but they were just spoiled little shits, ugly, and horrible kids. There's nothing redeeming about them.
No. 409030
>>409014>What do I do now?Just keep living your life?
Your sexuality doesn't have to be a defining characteristic of who you are. Just realize you don't have to be ashamed for finding other women attractive.
No. 409035
>>409020Same. Their diaries are exactly the things I'd write when I was 13 and edgy because no one liked me at school. LMAO
I also think Bundy is the least interesting serial killer yet people are all over him.
No. 409036
>>409035Right? Bundy was so boring. What bothers me a lot about the Bundy case is all the outrage like "BUNDY BLAMED PORN. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?!?!?!?" like, obviously it was strategy because he fucking bathed in the attention anyways. He loved that shit, but uh yeah, jerking off to snuff type shit is not healthy - hello! But yeah, Bundy was boring and ugly too.
Not really all that interested in Manson either, but vid related of him calling Bundy a "poopbutt" and a "poop person" is hilariously accurate and I think this is possibly the most clarity Manson has ever experienced in his life
No. 409042
>>409014Kinda same although I've never had a boyfriend either. I also assumed it was brought on by women being so sexualized and thought all straight women just felt like that. Laughing at "straight girl with a lesbo fetish," although I personally denied it by just pretending I didn't masturbate 80% of the time to women. Just fucking compartmentalize it away.
Anyway, if you want to meet women why not use a dating app or something? I'm assuming that's what you mean by wondering what to do next. If you're not seeking women, then just stay closeted until you date one. No need to have a big "coming out" unless it's relevant.
No. 409043
>>409020I honestly do not give a shit about school shooters at all. I genuinely find them the least interesting kind of killers aof all. You can look online and see the pathos/mentality of those kind of shooters in 10 minutes. It's just not fascinating to me at all and the people who do it manage to be even bigger losers than any other type of killer.
>>409035>>409036People only cared about Bundy cause of his
victims were upper middle-class young attractive white women and he was an aspiring lawyer Republican tied to many connections aka a "good boy". Fucker didn't even pass his classes and was below average in performance and intelligence compared to his colleagues but since he hid his mediocrity with exceeding bravado and a flashy smile everyone drones on and on about how intelligent and brilliant he was.
I can name 5 other SKs who are more "intelligent" and even more charismatic than him but because Bundy the kind of guy America wanks over they obsess over his boring as fuck tale over and over and over again. As a true crime reader, I'm BEYOND sick of hearing about Bundy. Even in the subreddit "serialkillers" all they do is talk about fucking Bundy.
No. 409045
>>409037I also don't get why people harp on Bundy's
victim profile type like it's suppose to mean something. I find indiscriminate killers like Richard Ramirez and Andrei Chikatilo more fascinating to try to study and reach the mind into. It also seems like people get excited and maybe turned on (?) by the type of Bundy's
victims and how they looked like which is why they linger on this detail often.
No. 409052
>>409043What other five do you think are more interesting?
>>409045Ramirez bores me. He gets stupid amounts of attention bc cheekbones. Yawn. An edgy mental midget. Just as stupid as TJ Lane, although his childhood explains quite a lot.
No. 409062
my gf got another girls number today and i cant help but feel a bit jealous. i know i shouldnt worry, she sometimes gets wrapped up in the moment cause she likes getting attention, but im a little insecure
i cant help but think about my past relationships. that of the few ive had, i was usually the second choice or a placeholder. in fact, i was not only someones second choice to her, but i was her placeholder the first time we dated, too. im still not sure that she would be with me had her ex not moved away
i cant help but wonder what she might look like. she says she wont message her first, but i wonder if she wants to. i wonder if she was charismatic, talkative, fun or anything else that im not
i feel bad for getting jealous. were planning on getting married this fall, she even bought it up again today.
my minds just racing. i wish itd go away
No. 409064
>>409062liking attention isn't a
valid excuse for accepting another girl's number without even mentioning she's in a relationship, wtf?
No. 409088
File: 1557637286836.jpg (1.14 MB, 2256x1504, IMG_2840.JPG)
Sorry for this rant in advance.
I offered to come in and take and edit photos (for free obv) for a very small local animal shelter (I don't want credit or anything. I literally just want to take some photos of the cats so the shelter can post them instead of the crappy, grainy phone photos they have currently), and all I get back after my offer and heartfelt message about really wanting to volunteer for them, all they send is "Thanks for the offer we'll keep your info in mind", written just like that.
Is it me being sensitive or does that phrasing/writing sound kind of dismissive and disinterested? It sounds to me like they have no intention of contacting me further about it. I specifically asked if I could possibly come in at some point to take the photos, so for them to say "we'll keep your info in mind" it definitely sounds like they have no interest in me coming in to photograph them at all.
If I owned a shelter I'd be excited by the prospect of better photos so the cats could possibly be adopted sooner, especially since posting photos of the cats they have available is such a large part of their online presence and they have a lot of followers. Idk, I just expected a more receptive response? Pic related is one of the photos I sent to them of my cat (though I clarified that I wouldn't want the cats around glitter and that my cat just jumped into my bed when it was all messy with glitter after I did crafts on it). Is it just that my photos are too shit for them to want? I don't do professional photography or anything but I have a nice camera and some decent lenses and I just figured it would be helpful maybe…
Idk I just feel vulnerable and like an annoying dumbass now for offering…
No. 409098
>>409088maybe they're afraid that you might start asking for pay even though you said you'd do it for free? idk. shelters are very stingy with money and I think a lot of the volunteers photograph things already, I used to be a volunteer and I'd always take pics of the animals at the shelter when I was playing with them. maybe they're looking for less "professional" shots and more "natural" pictures to display on their social media pages to give potential adopters a "genuine" feel? Or they already have a mainstay volunteer photographer which could be possible. yeah it's annoying that they're passive towards you and everything but that's how it is sometimes.
if you have time you could always try becoming a volunteer just with the animals yourself on occasion and work your way up the ranks, then see if they want you to take pics, if you have and want to devote your time to helping the animals outside of just photographing them
No. 409104
>>409098I didn't even think of that, ugh, that they could be worried about asking or guilting or pressuring or something in future. Ugh, I literally just want to take photos of the kitties!
It's just that the photos they have are really low qual so I figured that'd be of some use. I know the volunteers do take photos, but they're just… lifeless and fuzzy/grainy. I have seen a lot of (generally dog shelters) that have quality photographs and I'd noticed that they'd get a lot of shares if they were generally aesthetic, because people like sharing cute pictures of animals, and so more exposure, -> higher likelihood that someone would maybe see the generally 'aesthetic' photo and want to adopt. It's not as if they can't post additional photos or vids of them playing.
I used to regularly volunteer (not taking photos) at shelters, but transportation right now is a major issue for me, so I am kind of limited on that front in terms of volunteering on the regular or anything rather than just coming in every so often to take photos to edit and give to them. Fml, and it's so hard to phrase the offer without making it seem like you're trying to use the shelter to gain exposure for yourself or something. I literally do not gaf about photography and just want to take some aesthetic pictures of in need kitties!
No. 409115
cosdna wants me to be an ugly bitch. entered ingredients of a potential moisturiser candidate like a week ago, all nice and in the greens, one ingredient looked dodgy to me, like it's a derivative of soy bean oil, but it didn't flag up as one. so I bought the moisturiser, waited a week for it to come and put it on just now and, being the paranoid bitch I am, checked the ingredients again and yea, the suspect ingredient is soya bean oil and has an acne rating of 3 AND is the 2nd ingredient. if i wake up with bubonic pustules istg!
yes, I know it's my fault for relying on one source, I'm just mad I potentially wasted like £7 reee!
holding out hope still bc I've never used anything with soy bean oil so maybe it can be ok?
No. 409189
>>409122Yes. Too many people on the left just feel the need to shove politics into everything, and there's always something
problematic about what you like.
No. 409206
>>409192I too reccommend getting your nose cauterized. I had an issue with nosebleeds in the past when I was low on platelets in my blood. After getting both nostrils cauterized my nosebleeds decreased significantly.
Speaking of platelets, if you have the time and money to invest in your health then maybe get a blood test done to see if everything is as it should be.
No. 409244
A few years ago I had something traumatic happen that caused me to unceremoniously dump all of my friends. I’ve posted about it before so I’m not going to bother going into detail, but essentially I realized that I’d been holding onto people who were extremely toxic to my well-being. My best friend at the time seemed to be at the crux of the negativity. She’s a bit oblivious to others so I’m sure she never did this shit intentionally, but she put me in situations that went beyond dramatic and crossed the line of physically dangerous. When I got with my last boyfriend, and now husband, I told him about all the shit I’d endured and he pointed out that none of it would’ve happened if it hadn’t been for my best friend. And he was right, where she goes danger tends to follow, and while it was exciting as a kid, now it’s something I’m pleased to say I’m rid of. So I never explicitly told her I’m done with her, but we went from talking every single day to maybe once a year.
Out of nowhere she texts me today and asks if I want to hang out and I emphatically do not. I know realistically it won’t ruin my life to catch her for a coffee or whatever, but the idea of catching up and faking adoration for her is making me sick to my stomach after all the shit she put me through. And on the other hand, when I cut off my friends, I didn’t just grow new ones, I lost pretty much everyone, and the thought of having a friend again almost makes me want to cry. I still haven’t responded yet and am feeling more conflicted by the minute.
No. 409249
File: 1557683985060.png (1.26 MB, 937x1044, pikachu.png)
Went to one of my favorite dessert spots in the city to get a Detective Pikachu macaron and hopefully get the popsocket they were giving away too, but they just started this promotion like 2 days ago and they already ran out of the fuckin popsockets. I know it's so stupid to be upset over- I mean, this shop is already so fucking PACKED and popular even before they partnered up to do this promotion, so I shouldn't even be surprised. I got an eraser and beachball instead, so at least I got something. I feel like I should be more upset that I willingly shelled out $15 for 2 pikachu macarons and a cream puff, but I'm more upset about the popsocket lol (I like their desserts anyway and don't go that frequently so it's a nice treat). Don't even know what I would attach the popsocket to since I already have one and I like mine.
Fuck. I just love Pikachu so much. The macarons I got are so stupid looking, it's so god damn cute.
No. 409251
>>409241Are you sure you don't have a diagnosis? I have been to therapy a lot (16 years, in different states, many different clinics) and many times they will diagnose you and not tell you. You literally have to ask. I find it hard to believe you have no diagnosis at all, after 3 years. If you have insurance they need a diagnosis to continue paying for your treatment. Often times this even leads to misdiagnosis for the sake of getting the insurance to pay up (at least in the US).
If you really have been going to the same exact therapist or clinic for 3 years and they haven't given you a single diagnosis…go somewhere else. That's frankly ridiculous even for extremely complex situations. Sometimes it takes a while to get the diagnosis correct but to not receive a single diagnosis in 3 YEARS, not normal at all.
I'm a different anon and I'm not trying to armchair you. I just find it fucking weird.
No. 409257
>>409251My therapist is the best in the area and we get along well, I like his style so I'd like to continue with him. I asked him last week and he kinda danced around it. He always talks about how diagnosis are helpful but don't tell the whole story, that it's very complex and he doesn't want to force me into a box. I suppose he just doesn't want to say "here, anon, you have bpd so let's do this and that" directly…
I've been managing most things well. I was always hurting myself before and ruining everything and therapy has helped me a lot to curb my worst behaviors. I haven't been interested in anyone for some time so just now my fears are surfacing again since I met this man online 2 weeks ago and I'm already prepared that I may be hating him intensely in 2 more weeks for no reason… I never had the opportunity to work this issue with him because we were focused on more urgent matters but I'll bring this topic up in the next session.
No. 409276
>>409267Anon that sounds so cute omg
I love hearing them peep
No. 409280
File: 1557688943345.jpeg (2.63 MB, 4032x3024, CD55D68B-7A2D-438B-AFEC-2E4551…)
>>409268I don’t want to overload this thread with pics so here’s my most recent one!
>>409277They are currently in a brooding box in one of my closet, I’m fixing up an old coop on our land and will move them out once they’re a few weeks old. They’re still too young to tell, I might keep one rooster but will butcher or sell any other.. which is a little saddening but better than them fighting to the death.
Thanks for the positivity in here everyone, you anons are good people
No. 409302
>>409299>he gave you oral and got nothing else out of it for himselfHonestly…at least that's better than him asking for a beej and that's it. Look on the bright side.
Sounds like he just was overcome by being horny at a party for a hot second but then realized he wasn't actually into you like that. A bit sad but at least he didn't date you months before realizing he's actually not interested.
No. 409305
hey anons I just really need to vent. so my mom has three kids with my dad – myself and my two brothers. Before my mom met my dad though, she had one other child. This son was a product of rape. Not only was getting an abortion not easy in her home country, she was morally opposed to the idea of abortion (her reasoning being that the child is not to blame for what her rapist did). She had her son and left him with her own mother (which is not terribly unusual where she's from) and moved to the United States when she was in her mid-20s. Then she met my dad and had three more kids with him.
My mother kept in contact with her first son and never hid his existence from us. We often wrote to him and sent him things. After he graduated high school he moved to the US to live with us. It was awkward at first but after a little bit I treated him just like my other brothers and we got along fine (for context he was 19, my brothers and I were elementary/middle school age). I don't want to get deep into detail but basically he turned out to be a shitty person. He started telling lies about my little brother to make him look bad to my own mother (lies that we instantly saw through because they weren't like my little brother at all). The cincher was when my mom sat him down and tearfully told him about his dad and he basically said "Kay cool, can I go back to my video game now?" After it got to be too much, we kicked him out of our house and have not spoken to him since. This was about eleven years ago. My mom has (rightfully, IMO) essentially disowned him and does not speak about him and dislikes him to the point that she has changed her opinion on abortion. My dad, however, seems hung up on him. About six months after we first kicked him out, my dad knew where my half-brother was staying and wanted to invite him to our home for christmas (his reasoning being that "no one deserves to spend christmas alone" which at the time made sense to my kid-brain but in hindsight I find fucking hilarious.) just today my dad was talking about my aunt and he made some comparison to my mom, saying "you both had three kids. oh no wait you had 4." my mom got pissed an corrected him and he got annoyed that she tried to correct him even though he knows better and I almost broke the spoon I was cooking with in the other room. He wasn't even being malicious he's just fuckign stupid and doesn't think before he speaks. he's like the definition of "well this is the LOGICAL thing to say who cares if it's insensitive." I was gonna write more but writing all that out has actually calmed me down lol. I just got tilted that he'd do something that fucking stupid on mother's day. Hope all the other anons (from countries where today is Mother's Day) are having a nice Mother's Day though.
sage for wall of text
No. 409308
File: 1557696256427.gif (3.13 MB, 396x465, 002132312.gif)
>tfw sleep with someone in a relationship thinking it would be some no strings attached fling
>end up falling for them
Help
No. 409323
>>409305I don't know anon, your half brother must be pretty fucked up and felt really weird about his mom leaving to be raised by his grandmother and just get herself another family in the US. I imagine that just being close to your brothers must have stung hard for him, and about the rape child confession you don't know if your grandmother didn't tell him or implied that already and how is someone supposed to react to knowing they were the product of a rape? Was he supposed to hug your mom and thank her??
Even if what happened to your mom was awful it doesn't change the fact she abandoned her first child way before she disowned him. It just sounds like a very shitty situation when all involved made mistakes and are hurting.
No. 409329
I have good oral hygiene, I floss, I brush my teeth, I don't drink anything except water, I don't smoke… But I keep getting cavities.
Little piece of my canine tooth just fell off (resulting in this rant) and I'm so tired… Now I have to go to the dentist again.
I've been getting my cavities fixed since I was a kid and I've been through it all. Cavities of all sizes, broken tooth, pulling teeth out, root canals, filling and drilling with and without numbing…
I'm not scared of the procedures for one bit, I really don't mind them, BUT it's so fucking humiliating.
It may be stupid but I'm always so fucking embarrassed to go there, I feel like they probably don't even believe me. "Remember to floss!" YEAH I KNOW I'm fucking trying my all and it's not enough.
No. 409341
>>409329Could be genetic.
All the women in my family have our teeth start demineralising by 25. My baby teeth grew in black and rotted, and the adult ones are amoxicillin damaged.
Your dentist can see the lack of plaque and buildup on your tongue and has probably seen other patients with similar problems. It sucks so much when people act like you don’t brush, but your dentist would know better.
No. 409351
File: 1557705497333.jpg (10.13 KB, 123x125, c7f50040-279e-4f2e-a2f2-3c3d62…)
>>408146I'm going to assume that you're over 18 due to the site's rule, so with that assumption it'd be rational to gather that you're in uni rn.
>Your life is going to be fine if you don’t do amazingly on one of your exams.Probably, but your average will fall.
Also I've noticed that poor but driven students are more worried about this due to not having any connections/fallback options.
No. 409368
>>409341Is that possible? My dad had the same thing as you and says I inherited his poor teeth quality but I saw a dentist a few times and she said that doesn't exist and scheduled dental cleaning lessons with a nurse, which they normally do only with school children.
I eat the same things as my bf, we brush our teeth together, we floss and use mouthwash and chew Xylitol gum. He gets no cavities, I get a lot. Both my parents are almost toothless in their 60s (they have veneers and bridges so they don't look busted but very few whole teeth) and I don't think I have a choice either.
No. 409384
>>409369Same, anon. I hate comparing myself to my siblings especially with how different my parents them and me. I don't hate my siblings, but I sometimes wish I was treated better when I was younger. I had multiple people notice the difference, even now, and they'd tell me after I told them I'm no contact with my mom.
My siblings and I have different biological fathers and I think my mom knew this entire time, but kept it a secret to everyone and took out her guilt on me.
I only found this out recently from a DNA test kit I got to do for free. The first thing my mom asked me was after I found out was "Why did you even go and do that? What made you even want to look?" Like I had any idea the man who raised me since birth wasn't genetically related to me.
No. 409478
>>409405Because it feels disgusting to get hit on by / to constantly get sexual remarks from a person of a gender you're absolutely not attracted to.
If a straight man repeatedly doesn't leave lesbains alone, says lesbians are his ideal type and then proceeds to tell lesbians that non of them are truly only attracted to women, what would you say?
Him being homosexual, young and short/skinny doesn't change that, he still tried to use his influence and wealth to get people to be with him. The guys he's hit on were also very young and even if they happen to be physically bigger that doesn't mean they're mentally stronger too.
What I do disagree with though is (the american way of thinking) that him being 19 and hitting on a 17 yo means that he's a pedo.
I'm so glad that people are waking up. A billion of women have to put on makeup on the daily, yet when some little fag does it too, he instantly gets worshipped and turned into a millionaire. That's just not fair.
No. 409486
File: 1557738325903.png (176 KB, 274x275, 1552349893586.png)
You know what? Fuck it. I've been on 4chan for 12 years but now is the point it became so insufferable even lurking isn't fun anymore. Not a single thread can pass without pol sperging, some retard derailing with how much they hate women or needless back-and-forth infighting instead of just playful banter how it used to be. No matter what board, no matter what topic, it keeps getting forced into every conversation and it's not ignorable anymore. There is no sense of community behind it anymore, because the majority of posters isn't even actually interested in the topic of the board. They just want to flood it with shit.
No. 409489
>>4094864chan ended around 2015 in my opinion and its only been getting worse
Hiro really should just delete it already as its just a rotting corpse of its former self
No. 409496
>>409486Moot should've kept /news/ dead after first time didn't work.
Bringing it back and turning it into /pol/ as a containment was a bad idea. It got so big it's leaking into almost every thread on 4chan. Being an angry incel is now "4chan culture".
No. 409510
>>409486Yeah it has become unbearable, good to know I'm not the only one to notice.
It's funny because even though there was always that classic warning to stay away from 4chan, if you actually gave it a chance and stayed on the blue-boards, it was a pretty cool place. Now it has actually become a cringefest to where it is now an embarrassment to say you browse 4chan.
No. 409563
>>409541>>409548kek BPD definitely doesn't have mania. I can understand the confusion but people with BPD just have a higher reaction to all emotions, meaning feeling "up" or agitated feels extreme. Bipolar mania is beyond this. It is not the same.
Also, go to the doctor. I feel bad for people with BPD because it's looked at so negatively but holy crap, it seems horrific. It's really hard to live with and getting help ASAP would surely benefit anyone with untreated BPD
No. 409591
>>409532Have you told your landlord? If you were doing the same thing, then your landlord would expect you to stop. If they were just your neighbour you could even call the cops if you wanted if the noise persists past reasonable hours. You are paying to stay there, they should fix this issue. If they don't, document it in writing and ask them to fix it in writing, a paper trail normally speeds things up. Don't put up with it by paying your own money to fix this issue, they wouldn't do the same for you.
>>409539That sucks, but also for same kind of money you can send the wasted overalls to a seamstress (local or online depending what country you live in) who can use them to make a pattern and recreate them. If it's a good seamstress they will be stronger and you can even request your own customisation to make them even better.
No. 409630
>>409541Find a CBT therapist. Other people here might disagree but meds absolutely did NOT help my BPD as it increased dissociative feelings.
CBT will help you to rewire your brain and stop BPD urges. After 6 years of therapy I still very much have BPD thinking but the difference is I am aware of my thoughts now and can use other skills to cope.
Going to someone who specializes in BPD is important because not all therapists understand it.
No. 409643
>>409637Cardi B is kind of a shitty person, regardless, so I'm not too worried for her.
She attacks other women constantly (especially ones that aren't white or Latina), so maybe she should be reminded that men aren't going to defend her honor.
No. 409645
File: 1557783800409.gif (3.47 MB, 500x500, giphy.gif)
I am so freaking horny and think about sex/boys almost all the time and I have no clue if it's because I'm frustrated, just have a high sex drive, its part of my personality, am bored, or am just using these fantasies to cope. I'm not addicted to porn at all (it's p cringey) and can control my thoughts and horniness in the right setting (unlike James Charles lmao) but I still feel gross because it occupies my mind way too much almost like I'm a dude. I'm in my 20s and haven't had sex yet so maybe it has something to do with that.
Idk but I hope I'm normal and not one of those sex addicted weirdos.
No. 409657
>>409646>she's not a monster preying on men or whateverShe literally drugged, robbed, and sexually assaulted men. What the fuck kind of mental gymnastics do you have to master to not consider that preying on them? And the ~survival~ excuse is complete bullshit because she's said many times that she was making a fucton as a stripper. Also, she didn't have to sexually assault them jfc.
Also, can we not stoop to
victim blaming bullshit? Being shitty doesn't mean you deserve to be sexually assaulted. A cheating wife is shitty, but no one on this site would say she deserved to get raped if that happened to her.
No. 409675
>>409657lmao i dont even like her, but wasnt the guy who claimed she sexually assaulted him outed as fake though?
and also, these men went there with the intention to prey on disadvantaged strippers and prostitutes, even if cardi b herself wasnt, they deserved everything they got.
No. 409707
File: 1557794519248.jpg (46.27 KB, 500x375, 1535703865454.jpg)
I saw a dead body pulled out of the Hudson River today. I can't get it out of my mind so I will share it with this thread
No. 409734
>>409591They've told us to tell them if they're too loud, but my boyfriend has off and on supersonic hearing when he sleeps and I'm able to sleep just fine. The thing is some days he can sleep great, other days it starts to irritate him. And that's the thing too, we sleep during morning hours, if it was our neighbors the cops wouldn't see an issue. We both work third shift.
I'm a musician so I have plenty of acoustic foam laying around unused. I've been wanting a bed frame for a while so we can store things under the bed so that's an investment I've been wanting to make for months before I moved into the apartment.
No. 409771
>>409753You're an even bigger idiot for assuming I've never been approached while in a group before.
But go figure, a retarded farmer with pissed-upon cheerios is taking a remark out of context and running with it. What a surprise.
No. 409839
File: 1557828242262.png (522.92 KB, 521x532, 1557683272147.png)
How do all of these unemployed snowflakes afford their homes??? And if it's by neetbux, how do they keep getting them despite not doing anything to change it?
Hell I'm working and studying and I'd kill for my own home but can't get one because my income has to be double the rent. Just tell me their secret please
No. 409843
>>409837That's just how people talk now anon, be glad your friends care.
>>409839I wish I knew. Lately I have no more bitterness for anyone that even gets up live at home with their family. Neets could accomplish so much, paying for rent takes up 90% of your energy.
No. 409861
>>409742I'm currently in a LDR, but the guy lives in the same country as me and he's got money so we can see each other with some frequency. Do you have any plans to move to a place closer to him, perhaps same city? Perhaps move in with him? Have you met IRL already?
I wouldn't be in a LDR if we were both poor and there was no possibility of ever moving closer or seeing each other frequently.
No. 409916
>>409913Sounds like she's using your dynamics as an excuse to be a bad partner, tbh. It's hard to tell with just your post, but the things she says when you bring up the subject sound pretty manipulative. She's playing the role of the
victim and telling you to leave her when she knows you don't want to, so that you're forced to comfort her and end the conversation.
No. 409917
>>409916Of course she's playing the role of "
victim"… anon is literally in a dom/sub relationship. Those who choose to put themselves completely 24/7 in a "sub" role is absolutely victimizing themselves. Do people enact dom/sub fantasies in the bedroom? Sure. Is it normal to have a relationship based completely on Dom/sub dynamics? NO.
This relationship will never be healthy if at it's core it's based on one person giving all and one person taking it.
No. 409920
>>409913my knowledge of modern BDSM is limited. but it doesn't sound like a Dom/sub relationship… what kind of sub has this much power over their dom? it sounds like you dommed wrong (maybe by making it a lifestyle, or by mommydomming?) and just came out with an entitled gf.
from your post she sounds like she isn't into you and is just using you.
No. 409965
I know Jewishness is a sensitive subject. I am a pretty non-confrontational person and don't take things to heart, but I read an article earlier and it made me reflect on my own experiences.
I was born to a Jewish Mother and an Anglo father. I am "half Jewish", if there is such a thing. Both my 23andMe and Ancestry.com tests tell me this. All of my life I have struggled with identity because my mom's family is still very much jewish while my dad's family is starchily Roman Catholic. Everyone was quiet about it but there was a palpable distaste at my birthday parties (family would stay pretty much separate or in cliques) until my parents finally split when I was 12 and both families were not forced to see each other anymore.
I largely cannot stand my mother's family with the exception of my maternal grandfather. They act stereotypically jewish, constantly complaining and being downright horrible to be around in public, saying embarrassing things to staff, etc. My Jewish great-grandmother survived the holocaust so she was pretty fucked up. My grandmother was severely abused by her and the father, who would also physically abuse her. I have to forgive my family because I know a lot of why they are they way they are is because of the trauma and abuse handed down through the generations.
Whenever people find out I'm Jewish, two things happen:
1.) You don't /look/ Jewish
2.) Oh yeah, you do have a little bit of a Jewish look.
I know these things aren't the end of the world, but I've been hearing it all my life and it gets old. What does it mean to look Jewish? Ugly? Matronly? What does it mean to not look Jewish?
I've been with a non-Jewish Midwesterner for 4 years. The first thing his family will say when they speak about me is that their son is dating a "Jewish woman", and they say this in a nice way but it still comes off strange to me. It's like saying "my son is dating a black woman!" in an excited tone. I can't help but still feel that there's something less innocent about it, like it's a bad or "strange" thing.
Anyway just kinda rambling. Not really upset about it, just reflecting on my life and my own confusing identity. I know I don't struggle in the same way biracial people do but this makes me feel alienated even further and I feel like there's no where to talk about these things openly.
No. 409985
I have been talking to this guy for 2 weeks + some days. We were chatting online from the time we woke up to the time we went to bed - which was basically the same since I also sleep early and wake up early. He initiated frequently, so it wasn't me being clingy. Being the bpd bitch I am, I got super attached and obsessed. But years of therapy have taught me how to not act. So I was feeling all this, keeping it inside, keeping all the fucking tornado of intense passion inside and controlling my actions so I don't come off as a stereotype.
Nothing he said indicated what was to come. We had a meeting arranged for next month, he would come visit me in my town. I decided to take a look at his profile yesterday and noticed he was still following other women. I didn't think much of it, I was a bit shocked because I couldn't think of any other men, I was completely into him and satisfied with it. He's artsy, intelligent, quirky, has a stable career, same music taste. Basically a godsend and we were so compatible, he said it himself and talked to me the same way I talked about him here in the form of compliments, I haven't been interested in anyone like this for years.
Since I didn't want to say anything about following other women… I know it's way too fucking early, but considering how I couldn't care less about other men I thought he was on the same boat. I was merely disappointed, not jealous, because I thought I was already enough for him. I came up with an idea to talk about it. I asked if he was monogamous.
To my shock he said he's into multiple consensual open relationships/poly. Haven't I already had the shock of yesterday my heart would be in fucking pieces right now. I'm just mad. Why didn't he tell me this shit before? Would he EVER tell me? AND WHEN? Isn't this the sort of thing you disclose at the beginning of everything? We weren't official, of course, we've been talking for 2 weeks, but that's an important and VERY BASIC information when you're getting to know a partner. Being monogamous IS STILL THE NORM SO I JUST ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE ARE TOO.
Holy shit, what if I never asked?! I politely said it wouldn't work out for us and he wants to remain friends and keep talking to me. He even said he'd still come visit me anyway if I wanted. Oh man. Of course I won't let him anywhere near me and I need some time to cool down, I don't mind remaining friends but… I just… This has been a shitty week. I had a huge disappointment on Saturday when I went out and tried to make friends which failed. I'm surprised I'm not suicidal like I used to get.
No. 409991
File: 1557862858895.jpg (47.27 KB, 750x662, a1315ac3b973e0395c0dc39ccd7835…)
I just really want to make enough money to never touch a dick in my life. Is this too much to ask? There's no one I'm more envious of than well off women whose biggest problem in life is not having a meat dildo to grind on. People who think that love is more important than money and security are ungrateful deluded scum. Anyone else feel this way?
No. 409992
>>409991you don't need money to not have sex with men
Just don't have sex with men
No. 409993
>>409991I mean, you can do that without being rich. Lesbians do it all the time.
Unless you live in a very oppressive country? In which case I'm so sorry anon.
No. 409997
>>409992I also don't want to talk to them for networking or waste my brain power walking on eggshells around them or considering their retarded feels. Fucking hell, these critters are so annoying when you're not attracted to them it's crazy.
Women who were born into wealth or just happen to have enough money to make male existence unnoticeable are so lucky.
No. 410007
>>409991Get over yourself. You are exactly no different than the men who lament over having to deal with "insufferable, annoying, hateful" women.
There is nothing stopping you from sustaining yourself, but I imagine with a brain like yours it is hard not to get locked up in self-victimization.
No. 410027
>>410012Thank you very much! I suppose my years of therapy are paying off well considering how I'm handling it, haha.
I really hate how common/normalized poly and open relationships are becoming. I'm the kind of person who only wants to have sex with the dude/woman I'm in love with.
No. 410028
>>409675This. Stop calling those fucking scummy men "
victims"
No. 410032
>>410030Also *
I wish we could just ship them back home from the UK
Not because they're black jesus
Because they're just fucking scum and gross
No. 410048
>>410030>>410043(partly) Nigerian anon here. You're not wrong or racist for noticing this, Nigerian men in particular can be extremely scummy and complete beasts. The best part is that some even have the nerve to insist misogyny "doesn't exist" in African countries and that we live in a matriarchy.
I'm sorry you have to deal with them, too.
No. 410057
File: 1557875001667.png (541 KB, 469x579, Screen Shot 2019-05-15 at 12.5…)
>play vanilla WoW
>get fatigued and bored of it
>read people talking about FFXVI
>decide to try it out for myself
>download the free trial client
>20gb later it downloads
>i run it
>the sound is glitchy and choppy and my FPS is like 17 because i have a macbook air and not a gaming PC
>ok whatever, i'm just testing it anyway
>start character creation
>millions of options
>i make my character and she's so pretty wtf
>i start the actual game and everything is beautiful
>is much like WoW so i don't need to waste time learning the basics
>i really want to play this game but my laptop can't run it without it going choppy and the audio constantly glitching
>my graphics are also all the way down so everything is not anti-aliased and not nice looking
i'm honestly distraught about this and i don't know what to do, i want to play this and see how it goes and maybe i'll even want to play this instead of WoW but i can't because the game needs so much fucking processing power and this is only the trial version, if i decide to buy it and everything it's 60gb. it's not fair
No. 410060
>>410058yeah i was thinking i'd get a job over the summer and do this, it's not a bad idea at all i just have no idea what parts i need and some are pretty expensive (like a good graphics card)
>>410059i don't have a shitty computer its a macbook air 2018, it's just not designed for games.
No. 410062
File: 1557875442788.png (146.28 KB, 319x370, 1520101592683.png)
>tfw my bf screams at me while i'm having a ptsd episode (which makes it worse because i was used to being screamed at while sexually abused)
No. 410092
File: 1557882149206.jpg (41.56 KB, 599x900, stressed-young-woman-sitting-f…)
Currently I'm in a state of antsy boredom but low motivation and energy. I keep getting up from my computer just to wander around the house for 2 minutes only to resolve myself back to browsing or laying in bed. This isn't fun. There's also this sort of anticipation, waiting to hear from a guy that's making me feel sick.
No. 410112
>>410030I find African muslims much more
problematic than African christians.
No. 410125
>>410112I find American American Muslims just tragic
they don't want to be Christians because that religion was forced on their ancestors and I understand that but becoming Muslims as an act of rebellion is completely retarded
because Muslims were the one's captured and sold their ancestors to the Europeans among other thing that the Islamic slave trade lasted much longer
No. 410127
>>410030i am harassed all the time by black dudes, who make all sorts of lewd remarks to me, only to usually walk away, calling me names
Listen I'm not racist and I'll date a attractive and nice man regardless of his skin color,but I'm kinda wary of black men because of personal experiences.
like this recent encounter,I was at a bus stop in the scorching heat(to go get groceries), where a fat black man shuffled up next to me, and then began to mumble-blurt out some sexual fantasy or another. When i finally understood that the lewd mental scenario was involving me, my stomach did a full 540' twist, and i had a bad case of heartburn for the rest of the day. I repeatedly turned him down, and as expected, he turned surly and spouted that i was just scared of black cock, as he shuffled along to elsewhere.
No. 410151
>>410127You've posted this at least three times across this board. No one got mad at you once. What are you even trying to do at this point? Is it some sort of social experiment?
You even shoehorned this pasta into a thread about doctors to imply that it was a
valid reason to not want a doctor who's black, too. Seriously, are you okay?
No. 410153
>>410146I genuinely have no idea how you came to that conclusion, I go on /r/gc occasionally and they are like the polite, restrained version of us where they wouldn't shit on gay men or women choosing to sleep around (even if they acknowledge the issues with it and discuss from a feminist perspective). Hating on gay men, calling girls sluts, calling people trannies and troons etc is way more likely on here, where it's anonymous and pretty hostile in comparison. On reddit they have to at least act somewhat nice to seem rational and logical.
Either way they are hardly different perspectives, it's all relevant to feminist discussion so I don't understand where you're seeing this divide between us.
No. 410158
>>410125It's actually really wild to me (as an African) how many Africans and African Americans don't even seem to realize that Muslims were one of the earliest to enslave black people. They're still doing it, at that. Why do they just get away with it? It doesn't make sense to me.
In fact, at least Europeans and Americans acknowledge the fact that slavery was horrible, and even though there are still racist shitheads around, they
somewhat try to make things right. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of nice ME people, but their societies are still so painfully far behind when it comes to things like racism (and sexism, at that). It's abhorrent.
If some people think being black in America is hard, they should just try being black in a Middle Eastern or North African country. Awful.
No. 410166
File: 1557893305288.png (207.31 KB, 512x512, scaredjade.png)
I met this cute girl a month ago at an event, who I ended up really hitting it off with. We have so much in common, feel the same way about tons of stuff & immediately started making plans to do stuff together in the future. She likes women too and I got the sense she was into me the more we talked. I've flirted with her a little bit and she seemed very responsive. But I'm retarded and started second guessing myself, so I backed off. Now I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm not interested in her. But I'm just scared because I've never done this before and don't want to scare her off by coming on too strong or moving too fast. It's so rare that I feel such a connection with someone like this.
No. 410167
>>410155This will sound weird, but I've somehow unironically faced more shit for having a non-black boyfriend than for being a black woman by itself. Black men who were born/raised in America or the UK seem to be the most obsessed with attacking black women, and I don't spend too much time around them (or men in general). I've never faced racially-charged abuse from men who were born and raised in African countries, just "normal" misogyny (at least until they find out I'm not dating African or even black). I didn't even realize the worst of the anti-BW stuff was a thing until I started using the internet and finding out that weirdos like Tommy Sotomayor exist, and it just made me veer a little bit farther from them.
I wonder if they realize their mothers are black, too. The more they do this, the more "their" women will start to distance themselves from them and date out. At least, that seems to be happening. I know it's not just black guys doing this, too, with all the white yellow fever weeb males complaining about how feminism has "ruined" white women and obsessing over Asian women as anime waifus. And then they get irritated when these same white women decide to date Asian men, lmao.
It's like men want carteblanche to shit on women of their own races in all sorts of ways, but then get super angry if we decide that we have other options, lmao.
No. 410173
>>410160Because there's nothing else to say in that situation.
Random people can't make you not-suicidal. The best they can do is listen and hug you, and that's definitely not always enough.
I've been on both sides of this, and it's just a complicated situation. There is no "right" or "good" answer from whoever is hearing about the suicidal thoughts, it's out of their hands.
No. 410198
>>410169>Why do people talk about offing themselves if they aren't actually looking for advice and nothing can help them or change their minds?To get attention, it's low key manipulation regardless if they're conscious of it or not. They know there's farmers here who reply out of good faith and concern. It's not what they can get in real life, and if they posted suicide threats anywhere else on the internet they'd get either less kind comments or pesky samaritans who would be more pushy and less likely to poo poo passively.
They want to subject anonymous strangers to their troubles but wanna pick and choose the replies to curry to their self destructive narrative. It's bullshit and I ignore it anymore.
No. 410205
>>410198I mostly agree with this. I can sympathize with being suicidal, because it was me a couple of years ago, but in my suicidal phase I never thought about posting about it online. Idk it seems kind of pointless to me, and I don't think there is anything an internet stranger could have said that would make a difference. But everyone is different.
The vast majority of openly suicidal people are not going to commit suicide so I don't think it's too bad to ignore them.
No. 410232
>>410134Original poster here about the African men thing. I’m biracial, half black and white. That’s worse because you’re automatically fetishised anyway in the black community but these African men are relentless.
They pester and pester for your details. Stare at you like a piece of meat. They’re not like the black british men who were born here. They’re different the Africans that come here. No manners, Even the features look different on them differ. Wider noses, emotionless features.
They’re just dirty cunts
No. 410251
>>410232I am also a black woman that often passes as biracial to people (i feel a bit uncomfortable bringing this up because many black folks see this as a humblebrag for some reason but its not my intention at all; it might effect my experiences from other black or mixed women) and i had a few encounters with African men. I am not around them often but definitely was a
victim of extreme thirstiness from them before.
As far as ethnicities go i get harassed by Mexican and Latino guys the worst. Idk what's with them but they sexually harass me a lot
No. 410287
>>410251Mixed Op here
No no it isn’t a brag, some full black people can look mixed due to skin tone or features. It’s just genetics.
But yes.
I often get the odd asian man like Pakistani or some Arab glaring at me. But the Africans are the worst.
I really don’t like them because of them being like this towards me. My father is a Jamaican British born man. He says I should be apparently delighted because I’m attractive. That’s no excuse.
Men shouldn’t be doing this shit.
No. 410289
File: 1557916026933.png (251.88 KB, 421x460, 1528257164873.png)
my mental health is spiralling again but it's different to how it usually does. 95% of the time it's a really loud, unbearably sweaty, panicked, manic, pressing urge to kill myself because i'm horrible and awful and terrible and just bad bad bad, but this time it's just a very slow, creeping feeling – a soft voice that just coolly tells me how the things i'm trying to work towards will never happen, how everything is futile anyway so what's the point, how i've spent so long being abused/traumatised/unwell that i've not been able to develop any sort of sense of self so i have no idea who i am now or who i want to be in the future, and that it's too late to jump into exploring that both feet first because i'm getting too old to be able to excuse my fuck ups whilst navigating my personal/social development on the naivete of youth, and don't have a strong enough support network to actually withstand supporting me through any kind of fuck up at all. and i mean, the voice is right on that last point at least; everyone who i usually turn to for support is neck deep in their own issues right now, and whilst i'm trying to help them, they don't have the extra hands to deal with me being a burden on them, too.
i'm used to the first kind of spiral; ignoring the goblin that's screaming in the living room of my brain whilst banging pots and saucepans is simple, and easy, but this new kind is hard. i don't know how to deal with this cold, stifling darkness as it slowly swirls up my legs and wraps around me. it's up to my chest now and it's just leisurely crushing the air out of my lungs. it feels like it's so much bigger than me and i don't know how to fight it.
i had a dream about shaving my head like britney spears the other night, i just really hope i can pull this all back around before i end up doing something drastic.
No. 410296
File: 1557917887296.png (228.06 KB, 2048x2048, 0CBCBB02-B922-4FF9-B640-454940…)
I just want to be able to use emojis on here
No. 410299
>>410294this used to happen to me every day, the only thing you can do is tell yourself it's out of your hands. I know it's frustrating not being able to contact her considering everyone is perpetually usually instantly contactable/glued to their phones, but I'm sure it's something minor and she'll get back to you.
I can relate a lot though, just take some breaths, have some water and sit tight. I'm sure she'll get back to you, don't stress yourself out too much.
keep us updated when you hear back from her, otherwise I'm going to sit here worrying too haha. it's gonna be okay cutie!
No. 410304
File: 1557919281080.gif (911.01 KB, 500x280, Kw.gif)
I just found out that my boss is basically a male slut. He only employed women, thinking he could fuck around, despite having a gf and child. He hits on literally anything with a vagina and it's so repulsing, ewww
I'm just glad he barely ever comes here since he's from another country, but hearing the stories from my coworkers honestly give me anxiety.
No. 410310
>>410303Being against abortion is fundamentally against female bodily autonomy, and being alright with states who seek to defund abortion facilities which are also responsible for providing the majority of reproductive care in a cockamamey effort to stop abortion is fundamentally against female well being.
There is a right and wrong opinion.
You have the wrong one.
No. 410375
>>410303I work in the political world and I am constantly surrounded by both ends of the spectrum.
I do not care about abortion, I think it should be legal but I also don't believe in half-measures. It absolutely is murder and people lose me when they try to argue it is not. "It's science! Bill Nye says it, too! Neo-nates aren't people!"
The mental gymnastics people go through in order to justify a fetus' inhumanness is really astounding. Then, there is this whole idea that every scientist, gynocologist, le-mainstream-smartguy supports it, because people love to adulterate science now in order to prove their arguments. Any time there is an abortion row in a state's legislature the first people to come forward for proponent testimony are gynecologists.
The same people crying about lab rats getting lipstick rubbed on them are perfectly fine with a creature of the same general intellectual equivalent getting violently suctioned until it bursts into chunks.
I am sick of the masses crying "MORAL GOOD, MORAL GOOD". Some people need a God in order to justify their existence and others need a cause. In the end, one does not have to think too hard to understand why the loudest voices in the room screaming for justice are often the most morally abject, squalid people, who outside of their cause live out a miserable and meaningless life.
No. 410380
>>410375If a fetus is truly a person in the law and we give it personhood, then abortions should be made illegal under any circumstances. This wish-washy bullshit is just bad logic and I agree with you that half-measures are stupid. But it also proves to me that the people who are anti-choice don't actually agree with their own bullshit and see a fetus as a person. Every person is 'pro-life!' btw until they have an unwanted pregnancy because only their circumstances are
valid.
No. 410390
>>410375>The same people crying about lab rats getting lipstick rubbed on them are perfectly fine with a creature of the same general intellectual equivalent getting violently suctioned until it bursts into chunks.1. The majority of abortions are performed much earlier than this so they are most likely induced miscarriages
2. This is a disingenuous comparison as the lab rats are suffering purely for vanity and consumerism whereas the fetus is being aborted due for a plethora of reasons, common ones being; financial instability, woman/girl is very young, lack of a support system, woman has no intention of having children but protection failed, etc. all of which are reasons which at the end of the day would negatively impact said fetus if they were carried to term
No. 410395
>>410390> disingenuous comparisonThere is nothing disingenuous about it. There is for you, because you are putting more weight on the life of the rat and its "suffering" than on the life of the fetus. It does not mater what the situation is. The rat did not choose to put itself in the lab, nor did the fetus choose to put itself inside of the body of the woman. There is life there regardless.
What is your point?
No. 410404
>>410375>It absolutely is murderSo you're going to look women in the eyes who've had a miscarriage and say they've committed involuntary manslaughter? That happens in third world shitholes.
You're going to tell someone with an ectopic pregnancy that they're responsible for killing someone because they'll die if they continue the pregnancy?
Also happens in third world shitholes.
You're right, let's not half measure the language. Look at women in those circumstances and tell them it's murder to their faces. It'll go over so well.
No. 410442
>>410439You'd thought that. I've been planning for days and I still can't sleep because everytime I try, I wake up with a nightmare of me failing at something.
Knowing I'm going and willing doesn't alleviate the pain and anxiety. I wish it would.
No. 410448
File: 1557938272239.png (247.84 KB, 1380x344, Happyfarmer.png)
>>410442This farmer's post help me feel a little better when I'm feeling like shit and having suicidal ideation.
I also like to listen to pop music from my childhood. Hope it can help a little bit.
No. 410481
>>410297You're right. I just thought maybe she'd been attacked and someone stole her phone or something. I have anxiety disorder that I'm being treated for and my mum's health/safety is a big
trigger for me because she almost died from illness a few years back.
>>410299Thank you so much sweetheart. She was fine and called me back just under an hour after. She was apologetic that I'd gotten so upset. She was just ringing to make sure I was alright, since I'm a bit sick at the moment. We've agreed that she'll leave a voicemail next time so I have some context to her calls if I can't actually speak to her.
No. 410519
>>410517Can you just tell her that? "You've spent so long bitching about how much you wanted a body like mine, and now that you've got it you're gonna bitch about having it? That's my body too, do you think I'm fat/huge/etc." Maybe more nicely than that, though.
Alternatively, she's just fishing for compliments, don't take the bait. Just tell her to do some weight training to tone up if she doesn't like how jiggly she is lmao
No. 410549
>>410545At what point have I said abortion should be illegal? At what point did I even argue that?
The last few responses have just been people taking my personal belief on the matter to heart and getting
triggered. Rabid pro-choicers are no more logical than the "YOU CAN'T PLAY GOD" retards. You don't have to explain your want for abortion to me, I do not care.
No. 410560
File: 1557952722243.jpg (70.7 KB, 634x836, flat,1000x1000,075,f.jpg)
God I hate how much my period affects my mood and interacts with my depression. I just have so many… confusing emotions and I don't even know how to express or deal with them so I'm sitting here screaming internally. Fuck I wish I was a cold bitch with no emotions
No. 410566
>>410542… how can you argue that anon is somehow wrong for suggesting a doctor would be an authority on deciding whether or not an abortion is medically necessary? Please explain to me what logic you possibly could use to argue this?
As for animal testing on cosmetic products, we know for a fact it's unnecessary because plenty of brands don't do it. Brands only still do it so they can sell in China, which legally requires it.
No. 410575
>>410549Why did you ignore this anon
>>410404? Wouldn't you want to call out murderers, or are you just doing things in half-measures like what you complained about?
No. 410744
>>410741You're making me not want to invite anyone to my wedding anon…
I think my mom would definitely want to be there though. And I really only have one friend anyway so that's not a huge change.
Regardless I've enjoyed going to other's weddings, it's usually quite cute. Only little ones though, never been to an expensive bridezilla affair.
(ntayrt btw)
No. 410748
>>410741You sound like the type of person who gets unreasonably angry whenever someone announces their pregnancy or talks about their kid because ~nobody cares about your fuck trophy haha~
Plenty of people want to be present at the ceremony and not everyone expects gifts. And maids, really? The world isn’t like American reality tv dramas
No. 410756
>>410748>a baby shower is like a weddingNot really you daffy muppet. In fact, baby showers are at least a bit understandable because a lot of mothers need gifts and money to bring in another human. At least that's not entirely selfish.
But gender reveal parties are greedy ploys to get more money and gifts because one party where people give money and gifts isn't enough.
Your direct family and maybe best friend wants to see your wedding, everyone else would be relieved if you didn't.
And yes, bridesmaids are treated like maids and free party planners.
No. 410759
>>410756Not everyone hangs around with stuffy assholes like the people you’re describing.
Most people are normal.
No. 410859
File: 1557998871392.jpg (22.3 KB, 300x300, a240aec0-c378-11e8-81c9-1b431f…)
>>410768It fucking baffles me that wedding dresses and other paraphernalia are so ridiculously expensive and people just go with it. You get to wear that shit for one day. My best friend had hers sewn for her and it was still cheaper than renting a wedding dress. Renting! You don't even get to own that bitch!
OTOH wedding culture in my part of the world is a fucking mess but there's less emphasis on spending money. Somehow a gypsy band always appears uninvited with whole ass French horns and accordions and people generally do the cheapest shit as long as there's alcohol, meat and people hanging from chandeliers by the end of the night. Of course there's always kids attending nobody cares about them.
No. 410916
>>410568Wow, you do sound unbalanced. Probably because you spend so much time on 4chan instead of meeting people offline. Do you not have a friend group with any guys in it?
I'm so tired of shut ins on here and on the internet in general talking about things because they have no social experience.
No. 410925
>>410858Same. Suffering from actual major depression and anxiety is not something to be proud of. It's hard to talk to people about it because you can't accurately convey how you feel and fear misrepresenting the severity of how hurt you are.
Don't give up. If you have someone who tries to understand you, keep them close. It's takes a lot of investment emotionally to really empathize with the core of our struggles. So if they're patient enough, it can help over time to just find at least one person like this. It's probably the only thing that can keep me alive. Just don't bring them down with you, don't do that to them.
I hope you have someone like that, Anon. Hang in there.
No. 410937
File: 1558014423876.jpg (52.12 KB, 960x631, https---blogs-images.forbes.co…)
I cannot stand this fucking song, nor do I understand the fanatic obsession with it.
When you ask people why they like it…
>It's funny!
>It's catchy
>Idk
And it's fucking everywhere, guys. I am constantly suffering. I feel like Dennis with "the noise" from Always Sunny. It fucking triggers a deep intense anger inside of me and never have I wanted more to break away from society and live in a barrel under a bridge. There's no fucking escape guys. I shit you not. For Mother's Day, my husband's family and I went to a nice restaurant. You best believe my horror when the manager came around ASKING the tables if they were OK with them playing the song because a kid had requested it. I have never seen someone request a fucking song in a restaurant, let alone a NICE restaurant.
I cannot wait until next week when it gets old and people stop playing it. Until then, I suffer greatly.
No. 410977
>>410741Or maybe people just want the people they love with them when they get married? And anyone who isn't a complete narcissist should be able to enjoy a loved one's wedding instead of being irrationally annoyed they were invited because they find it boring?
Do birthday parties offend you too?
No. 411007
>>410728>>410741>>410756Can people make a wedding selfish? Absolutely, in the same way people sometimes sperg out on their birthdays or anniversaries because expectations were not met. Is a wedding inherently selfish? No.
A wedding is a celebration. For many families, it's the first time that both families will be completely together. Your idea of weddings is flawed because you are seeing it through your own lens. Are some people inconvenienced by having to attend a wedding? Sure, but some people are also inconvenienced by getting stuck in traffic for 15 minutes on their way to work. However, there are plenty more that do want to attend and if this weren't the case then you would not hear people complaining about not being invited to someone's wedding.
No. 411017
File: 1558023676870.png (384.62 KB, 414x440, 1553357860438.png)
I used to be a sheltered neet throughout my late teens. I would spend all day on 4chan, but more specifically r9k. So being the inexperienced grill at the time with every kind of relationship ( including online ), I've made a lot of mistakes. One of these mistakes was online dating a robot off r9k. I sent him nudes and some with my face, including videos. We lasted about a year until he started blaming all his problems because of me not loving him enough. Well a bit after that feud, I decided to cut the relationship. However, I asked politely if he could delete my nudes and he told me he can't be bothered. Pestered him more on it and he told me that he will hold on to them just in case he has to. Now, fast foward about 6 months later and it's constantly in my head that he maybe posted them online. It bothers me to no end and makes me feel so very ashamed. I wasn't even attracted to this person, had low esteem at the time, and I sent nudes to feel like I had any worth. I know it was a really bad mistake and it feels like I've ruined my life from this. How do you cope knowing you sent nudes to the wrong trusted person?
No. 411022
>>411017Be logical about it.
You gotta think about how many people nowadays send nudes. People send nudes to people they know IRL all the time. Plenty more post nudes on the internet. Some people even post videos of themselves with their faces showing.
Having a few nudes out there is not the end of the world. If you live in the US, most states have protections and if you fear he would ever try to blackmail you it wouldn't be a big deal to get him fucked. It's a really gross feeling knowing that he could be posting them places but odds are he isn't.
What gets people in trouble with nudes are 1.) they are in a relationship and get blackmailed with them or 2.) they are high-profile people.
Don't feel ashamed because it's a completely normal thing. It's not like you were posting yourself with your fist up your ass on /soc/ and there's literally archives out there filled with your naked body.
No. 411025
>>411017I also dated a shithead off of r9k. He was porn-addicted and in total, had something like 500+ files worth of nudes from me because he would cry and complain and basically be emotionally
abusive if I didn’t send him nudes. I didn’t learn until much later that he had shared his exes’ nudes before with other people online. Shit fucked me up for the longest time.
I’m basically over it because I’m not a celebrity, I’m nobody of note. There are probably billions of nude photos and videos online. Unless I do something that makes me famous or infamous somehow, no one is going to give a shit about my nudes. Even if I were someone well-known, it doesn’t reflect anything about the person I am. It reflects more on my asshole ex who violated my trust. Who cares about the reaction of porn-addicted loser men online if they see your nudes? It probably won’t affect your day-to-day life directly if it happens.
Anyways, that’s just how I cope with it.
No. 411048
File: 1558028734302.png (397.73 KB, 717x644, kince.png)
Since I was 14 I've had debilitating period pains to the point I've had to miss school days because I was feeling so fucking bad, almost blacked out from the pain multiple times, was on birth control at age 14 to try to regulate it and had to stop because they were messing with my antidepressants.
I've seen many doctors who didn't find anything of note until earlier this year, when my new doctor told me she was pretty sure it was endometriosis. I wasn't fucking surprised because I had read a lot on it and checked too much of the symptoms for it to not be that and more time passed more I thought to myself "oh fuck yeah this is it". My mother was thinking it was it to and multiple of my friends who either have endometriosis themselves or were close to someone who did mentioned it to me too.
I had made peace in my mind that this is what that was and was ready to accept it, because that meant being able to find treatment, until earlier today where I had an MRI scan (recommended by my doctor just to be sure) and they didn't find any fucking thing. The doctor approached my shook his hand and whatever and he told me nothing was out of the ordinary.
I'm both quite relieved because that's one explanation pushed aside and absolutely fucking enraged because I'm back in the same fucking shit I was at 14yo, not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me and in fear of the next time I get my period. At this point I just want to pry my own abdomen open and remove my shit uterus and throw it in a jar until it learns to behave.
No. 411080
>>410916What's ironic is most…well, all…of my friends are male. Some are grubby but others are decent, just like any average group of people.
And like I said I even see balance on fucking 4chan. I dropped into a thread on /adv/ the other day expecting to be angered, but most of the anons were saying that they feel genuinely emotionally bonded to their partners and find them most attractive because of this.
On 4chan.So I know this yet if I hear or read even one bad story of cheating or a boyfriend turning out degenerate it fucking ruins me. It's like everything flips and I can't think in a balanced way about them anymore.
I'm pretty sure I know where it stems from, my first experience with any man was that they can't be trusted and are fucking terrifying (it was my father) so that set the precedent for how my automatic feelings towards them will be. This is just how I feel about men now on a base level. I hope that speaking to a therapist will help me fix this bullshit or at least control my mind because it's not fun. I've wasted hours and days of my time being upset about men and I've never even dated before lmao.
No. 411096
>>411086that is shitty timing anon, i'm sorry
but scribes will help and i'm glad your uni can be accommodating
No. 411133
>>411086Be careful anon, sometimes that blood test can come back negative even if you do have arthritis. X-rays assess damage if you can afford that.
t. mom had undiagnosed arthritis since she was very young because of this
No. 411205
File: 1558054073868.jpg (50.83 KB, 540x405, p3zv6ojILE1t26l2eo1_540.jpg)
>been cyber stalking a man in my local nerd scene for the past year and a half
>he made eye contact with me at the last convention but we have no connection to each other
>seems sweet enough and is very much my type
>also a pothead and a STEMfag
>even wants to make his career based around manufacturing/cultivating/etc. weed (it's legal here) according to his plebbit
>I'm """straight edge""" by definition I guess and want to date someone with similar values (he's also into alcohol of course)
>he'd most likely prefer someone who is also into STEM and I'm not, just a poorfag artist who is now trudging through a business degree
>overall seems way too good for me in all aspects
I could probably make a move on him if I wanted to, but I'm sure he'd either reject me or it would go badly. He's also recently left a relationship and most likely isn't in the mood for this. I'd also feel bad all the time even if it worked since his past gfs were shorter than him (he's quite little) and I'm taller.
Overall I feel pathetic but also upset. I wish my taste in men wasn't so stupidly specific or that I lived in a place that had more men like that.
No. 411208
>>411197I have kind of the same problem. My mom was ana when I was a kid and restricted my food a LOT. She would hide food, like, not just snack food but like anything that could be eaten, she would hide from me and my siblings. As a result we were always hungry, since we never were allowed to snack but were never given enough food to eat at meal times because we all had to eat the handful of lettuce and cubes of meat that she did, or a few tablespoons of bland oatmeal. We were never allowed junk food or kid food. So when I got older and got a car and a job, I would use my money to buy copious amounts of junk food and binge in my car before I went home, which only got worse as I moved out.
Still trying to get over my food issues and realize that I don't have to consume 1000+ calories in 5 minutes because no one is going to take my food away. I'm not enormously obese or anything luckily despite my habits but I'm still heavier than I want to be. It sucks, man.
No. 411212
>>411197Wish I knew, I can't even blame my family/upbringing because they're all really athletic and eat well kek.
I'm (somehow, miraculously) not overweight and at this point I don't even care about being super skinny, I just want to not constantly think about my next meal/snack and eat intuitively when I'm actually hungry. I feel like I just need ways to entertain and reward myself other than food, but it's just so damn entertaining and rewarding and I'm not so focused I can ignore hunger when I'm doing other stuff. I cannot fathom how people forget to eat, or skip meals because they're busy or whatever, but I'm jealous that their lives don't revolve around food.
No. 411216
>>411197The best trick is to just not have much food in the house at any given time.
It's hard when you live with someone/family though. I could be doing well but if my parents bring home an easy snacl I've lost.
Alternatively, identify your biggest weaknesses and ask the fam to either stop buying those specifically or just put all of your focus on avoiding them. For me it's granola and goldfish crackers lol, I could binge them forever.
No. 411225
File: 1558056995827.jpg (51.58 KB, 614x364, tumblr_prjthyKm141qi8jwi_640.j…)
parts of my face are doing this thing where my skin gets scaly, and then flakes off. this is the first time anything like this has happened. i wash my face with the same products i've used for years, use the same damn brand of moisturizer, nothing in my regimen has changed. is it an allergic reaction? something i ate? it started at the same time as my chest cold, so it could be that, but what the fuck.
No. 411229
>>411218I mean…I know.
How does not drinking or anything make me obnoxious though? I'm fine with other people that I'm not dating doing that. Or is it just a "you're boring" thing? I don't demean anyone for doing it, it's just not for me and I'd prefer not to live with someone who is often high or drunk. That was what I meant by "similar values," sorry I realize now that phrase was misleading. My family has also always been teetotal so I'm not used to it.
Image was sort of goofy and I thought went along with the post. If it's fun for someone then I'm fine with that. Sorry again that I came off as abrasive to people who partake and didn't get my point across well. I probably could have narrowed the post more down to "sad this boy is perfect but we have clashing lifestyles and I'm not becoming an engineer" which is what I wanted to say.
>>411222Job openings are pretty good in my city/country actually, I'm going for CPA and there are even ads out asking for people to join that career haha. It's not as important and brag worthy as STEM though which is what I assume anon meant.
No. 411272
>>411254nta but straight edge has a really specific meaning. it doesn't just mean that you don't into alcohol and drugs.
straight edge people don't do drugs (including cigarettes and sometimes caffeine) or drink, and generally avoid hanging out with people who do, even going as far as to speak against the acts. many also don't believe in casual sex or sex outside of a monogamous relationship usually either.
No. 411274
>>411271>go see what that attitude will get you later in life I guessm-money?
joking, i'm just a STEM major and didn't realize people perceived an entire field like that
No. 411276
File: 1558067304280.png (884.25 KB, 2048x2048, ECCE676D-AA7F-4541-80AD-C7DE54…)
I’m 22 this year and still have absolutely no idea what I want to study or do. Feels bad.
No. 411277
>>411272Oh I see, that's probably why anon thought I just dislike people who use substances.
Sorry about that, I knew it was connected to punk subculture but thought it could be used more generally as well. I'm not into any of those things mentioned (including casual sex) but have nothing against others doing them safely. I'll stick more to using teetotal in future.
No. 411282
i'm legitimately going crazy because my apartment complex is awful
I live in what's classified as a "luxury" apartment complex, it's supposed to be very high end and I pay like $500 more on rent a month than I would be if I lived at a typical apartment complex in my area.
but the people that live here are so fucking loud and disrespectful it's driving me insane! it's 12:30 AM on a thursday and people are legitimately screaming out in the courtyard. I would understand if it was the weekend but it's a thursday night and I have to get up at 6 am for my fucking job. quiet hours are after 9pm on weekdays but, obviously they are not enforced bc management doesn't give a fuck and isn't even here after 9
the people that live here are fucking horrible. last weekend someone peed in the elevator and puked outside of it, and maintenance said they wouldn't come clean it up so I called a maid service and made the building reimburse me. at least once a week there is some sort of bodily fluid in the elevator or stairwell. I don't pay as much as I do to live in a fucking frat house
they have "lost" several of my packages, and i'm assuming the employees or other residents are stealing them. I can't verify this because there are NO SECURITY CAMERAS ANYWHERE.
we have a key access only garage but people just scan their friends in, despite there being on street parking, so there's no spaces for residents. I complained to management about this and they said they can only tow cars if they've been there for 72 hours
the entrances to the apartment building are supposed to be e-key accessible only but the batteries are out half the time so people just leave the doors propped open. super safe /s
we have a dog park here and people don't pick up after their dogs, and there are multiple aggressive dogs here. my dog has been attacked 3x by the same dog and they are still letting it live here, despite the fact that it is a restricted breed which shouldn't have been allowed here in the first place. there are also people who do not live here that bring their dogs to the park, despite the fact that there are a ton of public dog parks in the city they could go to - who knows if the dogs are vaccinated or healthy. the management also does not keep up with the park and it's always dirty and smells awful
to top it all off a new person moved in above me and i'm assuming they're morbidly obese because they walk around so loudly (at literally all times of the day - until 3/4 AM) that it shakes my apartment. management told me they can't do anything and i'm afraid that if I confront the person directly they'll be even louder on purpose.
my maintenance requests have been ignored, like I have requested a faulty light fixture in the bathroom be fixed 5x and they refuse to fix it and just replace the bulb (which burns out in 10 minutes because the fixture is faulty)
I have brought up these issues with management and they won't anything about them, especially now bc I didn't renew my lease and will be moving in july. getting through the next month is going to be hellish. it's honestly worse than when I was living in a dorm in college.
No. 411290
File: 1558071075038.jpg (43.86 KB, 604x340, cdc.jpg)
>>411274I work with many people who did STEM in uni and have a really high opinion of themselves and their abilities, we're a startup based on a startup "campus" so I also interact with people from other companies, many of which are in the tech industry. Many STEM people get cocky to a point of mocking literally everyone else. Mostly neckbeards who studied CS, but still.
For the most part I don't give a fuck because the money is good and my job isn't my whole personality, plus they know I manage their paychecks amongst other things so they don't go after me. But these people don't realise they can't function by themselves and that most of these jobs exist because they're needed.
No. 411298
>>411295Not really, at least where I live HR treat them like royalty and they can get any job they want due to a shortage of devs, and the IT industry in my country is quite strong. But it's a meme that they get paid a gorillion euro starting out, my bf is a backend developer for an SME and he gets paid less than me with my business degree. The big bucks start rolling in only when you've had 5+ years of experience (which none of these guys do), or are well versed in a niche, outdated language like COBOL that nobody cares enough to learn. They're basically the nurses of tech at this point.
But it's only a matter of time before the hype dies down and people start hopping on another bandwagon. Finance monkeys like me were what developers are now until the financial crisis in 2008, doesn't mean we're suddenly worthless. Hopefully they start pushing more people to get into trades, where I live being a plumber, welder or bricklayer is considered a low-class job.
No. 411352
>>411327oh Anon (insert dozens of illegal heart emojis we are not allowed to post here). Sending you my support over the lolcow-webs
>>411318He a disgusting MAP and is gonna be a "I was taken advantage of by my older boyfriend" story for that girl in a few years. Just a prediction based on the common trend of that happening. Men go for younger women specifically because they are wide-eyed and gullible. It's a bad look for him.
No. 411359
I regularly post about this over here. My life is a trainwreck but I know it will end very soon. I'm mentally ill, I've been since I was a child and I know I wasn't born like this and I know it was caused by my abusive environment. I have to sustain myself and I work as a camgirl I had a couple of jobs before but the pay was so bad since I'm in eastern Europe, I couldn't even afford to eat and pay rent for a month working a hellish retail job 40 hours per week for 3 euros an hour. I also can't keep a normal schedule and I ended up getting fired because I would be late all the time. Now I work as a camgirl and I make around 700 euros per month which allows me to afford rent and eat well for a month and also buy stuff like weed or alcohol and my prescription medication. I would also say I work around 80 hours per month for this money so I don't work that much but it takes a tool on me, I don't even really get naked but the fact that I know I'm being watched by some mouth breathers that are thirsting over me and they throw me scraps from their entitled white male wages makes my skin crawl.
I'm so tired and I hate myself so much and it's all because of money. I hate this society and I hate this world and I honestly hate myself the most. I think there's good things about me too, I like art and I like writing and I also like reading and I have a thirst for knowledge but it's hard to remember what's good about me and why I should stay alive. I don't have anything, I don't have money, I don't have a loved one, I don't have friends, I don't have education, I don't have future prospects, I don't have integrity, I don't have love for myself.
And I keep looking at the people around me and even the people that are considered horrible by the society have more than I do. Even the cows on here have more than I do and I will probably ever have. I'm also addicted to benzos and I have been since my grandmother died and it's been a year already, I just realized it. I go to the mental hospital to see a psychiatrist that took care of me while I was admitted there for a suicide attempt one year ago and I just saw her today again for my prescription but this time she didn't give me benzos anymore because I told her I'm addicted but I tried to explain that my addiction is so bad I might end up dead if I just go cold turkey but she refused and told me to come and stay in the mental hospital for a month. I don't want to go because the public medical system is hellish over here, the mental hospital it's literally like a prison, there's no therapy, it's very dirty and the staff treats you like you are subhuman. The last time I went I contacted a staph infection that I still have and I was given an injection that almost put me in a coma. And also I can't go because that means I won't be able to make money anymore and when I will get out I will be homeless.
In 2 days my supply of benzos will run out but I'm trying to make enough money to go to a private health facility and afford a psychiatrist so I will make a plan with him to reduce benzos until I'm finally free. If I don't make enough by then I will go through the comedown and I might die.
No. 411361
Really sorry I'm responding to these so late but I totally forgot about it because I'm not really active in this thread. Hope you ladies are still watchin
>>407909I've been going to therapy since I was 11 and nobody seems to care or can help with DP/DR. I always bring it up but it has always been pushed to the backburner because of my other issues? Or maybe because they think it's not important? But for me it is easy to deal with. I have had this for so long that it is normal for me. When I don't feel unreal, that's what feels weird lol. It really has nothing to do with anxiety for me. When I get anxious it may be worse but I literally feel dissociated almost 24/7 regardless of other circumstances. Sometimes it's worse, other times better, and it's always there even if I'm extremely happy and doing tons of physical activity. I have honestly given up on trying to "fix" it because I think this is just how I am. I have done many different types of therapy, tried tons of different drugs…nothin
>>407923Lamotrigine definitely helped me with my emotional reactivity and helped me feel more leveled out but it didn't help the DP/DR. I just try to focus on my other issues, which I have. I just went through so much shit the past 3 years…I was on welfare while in a group home, then in a supportive apartment. I finally got my own place and I don't think about killing myself everyday anymore. I know this might sound discouraging but to me, it's been better to accept it than try and fight the DP/DR. The more I sit there and feel angry/upset about it, the more I suffer. I was misdiagnosed over and over for 10 years and finally I found out I have ADHD (been diagnosed with PTSD forever and misdiagnosed as a billion other things including bipolar and BPD). I've been taking generic adderall and it has helped me improve my quality of life so much. I even got a real job after years of not having one. But even with adderall I still am dissociated almost all the time.
No. 411376
File: 1558103665248.png (245.28 KB, 640x352, kamikazegirls.png)
>>408089Good news: I made the appointments
Bad news: Said appointments are now tangible future events that I can fREAK THE FUCK OUT ABOUT
I hope the doctor doesn't make me have a blood test since I had one when I was like 8 done by a real mean nurse and it was horrible and they've freaked me out ever since.
If the student wellbeing therapist or the GP says nothing is wrong with me and/or I somehow don't manage to salvage this mess and flunk out of college I'm gonna go full 2007 Britney Spears.
I really really don't like the idea of potentially being prescribed antidepressants because I already have wacky sexual dysfunction issues so going on a medication that nukes my ability to orgasm is not really gonna help anything at all. They can literally prescribe me anything else under the sun though, so long as I can still fap it's all good.
I mean I have lots of studying next week to keep me busy but still…I don't even know if I should continue working on my botched abortion of a dissertation, the thought of looking at it makes me wanna yeet myself out a window. I have emails from the department I can't muster up the courage to read.
No. 411379
File: 1558104411702.png (26.55 KB, 342x245, 1543786870452.png)
Anyone there also struggle with the constant feeling of shame? And it's related to so many aspects of my life.
I come from a dysfunctional family where my dad was an alcoholic and my mom is manipulative and lacks empathy.
During 3 years both of my college my flatmates were visited by their family plenty of times, and I always stood out with being a loner in a way. I also don't have any closer friends in there, so I feel inferior to other people when it comes to social hierarchy.
I am so anxious in public places and when I talk to strangers. Like I want to talk with them, but feel like I shouldn't right after, like people see how nervous I am and pity me for some reason.
No. 411384
>>411379Sounds like social anxiety. My Dad left when I was young and my Ma was a mentally and physically
abusive narc. I struggle with maintaining friendships not because I'm fighting with everyone but I feel down a lot or not good enough and withdraw and then get embarrassed to explain why I was absent and just ghost lol. I'm lucky in a sense I've had two long term partners so I'm not a complete shut in. I'm able to be ok with coworkers but I don't like to talk about myself. I think being nervous in public and feeling shame for your upbringing makes you anxious. I went to therapy to deal with it I didn't know if I was depressed or what but I had symptoms of anxiety. Honestly exercise and keeping myself put together helps me better cope in public still working on how to get over my perpetual shyness lol
No. 411386
>>411379I'm like this too, I've been making a lot of efforts recently though.
I'd advise you to find a class, club or any other weekly thing centered around learning something or practicing a skill. Since it'd be focused around learning/doing something, the social interaction part isn't as involved and intense as just hanging out with people for the sake of it.
I'm using the language class I take once a week to force myself to interact with people and take risks ; it's small-ish and I'll never see these people again after this term is over, which is all really great for this. So I go out of my comfort zone and make jokes, join conversations I'd normally stay out of, and even though I still cringe at myself, I can tell the people in my class don't seem to remember things I did or said that I thought were retarded and shameful. It's making me realise that people don't care about my social slip-ups nearly as much as I thought they did.
Also obviously you might want to seek diagnosis for social anxiety, if you have the means to do so. But overcoming anxiety is all about changing your negative mindset, and that's something you can do by yourself if you want to.
No. 411387
>>411359European who has dealt with this kind of shit before.
First, you need to assess your use. What are you taking, how much. If your meds are prescribed by a doctor and you're not getting them off the streets, chances are you're not on a crazy high dosage.
Now, adressing some things : you're not going to die cold tukeying on your own. It's shitty to do it and it can be dangerous (you risk seizures but it doesn't happen that often). You're also not going to die from tour benzo addiction if you're not mixing it up with A LOT of alcohol (and then it's more the alcohol than the benzos that are going to do it).
Now, how to detox yourself.
It's best to make sure to get at least a 2-4 days off from work to deal with the worst if you're cold turkeying.
If you can go see a GP and lie about not sleeping and feeling a bit anxious. Say you have tried over the counter stuff. Don't detail history except to tell you were given a long life benzo (prazepam) for example in the past and it has worked. Don't look over eager, don't look like you're knowing a lot about benzos. Do look tired and say that's it affecting your work (but just a little! you have to be functionning enough for it not being worth it to send you off to the hospital/a psychiatrist).
Detoxing using Prazepam is easier since the withdrawals take longer to set in. You'll go through a hellish week detoxing yourself but it's relatively easily done if you want it and you won't risk ending up in the hospital.
Be sure to look up the withdrawals symptoms and to keep in mind that you will feel like shit. It's normal. It's going to pass. Find yourself things to listen and watch. Make sure you have stuff to eat and to stay in while you get the worst of it.
I have cold turkeyed and tapered out several time. The worst one was the first because I didn't know what to expect. You can do it.
No. 411400
>>411359Specifically which medication and dosage? Not all benzos have potentially deadly withdrawal. For example clonazepam, yes. Lorazepam, no.
And it's physical dependency, not addiction, that creates the risk.
No. 411415
>>411371In Romania.
>>411387>>411400I take 25-30 mg of lorazepam daily which is a huge amount. I would do stuff with the prescription even if it is a controlled substance but some pharmacies don't give a fuck and they would give back my prescription because I wouldn't buy all the meds that were listed on it even if they were supposed to keep it. I would go around the city and I knew exactly which pharmacies were not that strict so I would use the same prescription multiple times to load on benzos but I needed a new prescription monthly because they usually do care about the date that is listed on it. I cannot see my GP because they know my medical history and they would send me to the same psychiatrist at the hospital. I'm trying to make enough money to see a psychiatrist at a private clinic and address this issue and I hope I will have enough money before I run out of benzos. Thank you anons, this made me a bit less scared.
And I also consume alcohol, I probably drink around 1-2L of beer daily and my overall physical health is not great either and I've had issues with seizures in the past.
No. 411497
Since there is a lot of posting about meds here, I thought I'd ask in here since there may be knowledgeable anons…I think I posted about this in the sex thread but didn't really go into detail asking about this or many replies.
Has anyone come off of escitalopram or citalopram? I have been on escitalopram 5mg for 3.5 years and don't feel like it's really necessary anymore. I still have some issues but it feels like being on meds during the worst of it and having space to heal and improve has made things a lot better and that I'd be better served taking benzos or something as needed instead. At the beginning of getting medicated I took them a lot.
tl;dr: I had a nervous breakdown and got on meds so I wouldn't kms from anxiety and depression, but haven't had an episode since then and am overall a pretty happy person. Before my breakdown I was an emotionally intense but happy and bubbly person and had attachment issues. Basically being around toxic people, identity issues, and in a difficult life transition fucked me up.
I forgot my meds one night this week and didn't even notice over the almost 48 hours until remembering to take a dose, so I decided to taper off. I'm just scared of the withdrawal and don't know what to expect since I'm coming from a much lower dose than other people, but have been on it for a long time.
I'm also curious if your sex drive shot up after coming off the medication. I think mine went down when I started it but mine was really high so it was ok, what sucked was just that it took longer to orgasm. Not gonna lie, it's been a definite reason I've wanted to come off this.
Kind of a vent too because I don't feel like I can go into this kind of detail with almost anyone. It's too TMI and some people are kind of stuck on being on meds and discourage me, even though my doctor didn't question me wanting to come off them and gave me tapering instructions, and my partner and family support it as well as long as I feel fine without them. Feels like the trendy thing now in woke circles is supporting meds and not questioning their efficacy and assuming someone who wants off them probably needs them to function anyway and is being silly by trying to stop.
No. 411500
>>411415Yeaaaah, ok. I take it all back. My advice would get you through a mild to kinda severe addiction to benzos alone.
I never got lorazepam but from a google search, I see that it's more on the heavy side use. How even the fuck can you legally get all of this? Those are what? 2.5mg at most a pill? You're taking them by the truckload? What a shithole.
That plus the alcohol and seizures, cold turkeying sounds like a bad idea. I'd say you'd be better off in a medical setting and I see why your psychiatrist wants you there. It's above anon's paygrade for sure. Don't do this at home.
No. 411507
>>411497Withdrawals from antidepressants are a mixed bag. Some people will feel nothing, some people will get suicidal, have insomnia or feel shitty in general for 2 to weeks.
Don't listen to people, there's no reason not to go off them if you feel they are not needed anymore and have the go from the doctor.
My sex drive never recovered after ADs, It was high before that. Now it's mild to none but I'm not honestly sure if it's not just my anxiety, being in a LTR or even just getting older. You won't know without trying.
Coming off citalopram, I had some insomnia and used some zolpidem to get me over it while my brain was adjusting. Benzos are nice but they are highly addictive. If you can don't try your luck and get them only for a very short period of time.
You've been taking your AD for some time but honestly, it looks like 5mg is supposed to be a first week dose. You would be fine even cold turkeying, I wouldn't be worried at all about tapering. You're going to be ok.
No. 411511
>>411507IATA and I want to thank you. It's silly but being told it'll be ok is honestly really comforting because no one has really said that to me when I've brought it up.
I have an LTR who supports me doing this too. I stress about being hard on him but it's good to have that. I've just been too scared of fucking up uni or my relationship to take the plunge; have wanted to come off them for a year or two.
RE sex drive, a bit OT but since you mentioned anxiety, I found my sex drive is intertwined with anxiety in a…weird way? Sometimes it completely puts me off sex but others it makes me really horny. It depends on why I'm anxious. I'm hoping it'll go up but also know not to expect it to happen. I'm pretty happy where I am, I just wish I felt things more and had my old higher libido. I'm not "abnormal" for a woman and my bf and I are on about the same page. I've thought about trying maca root to counteract the SSRI but didn't know if it would interfere with my BC or just do fuckall.
I just don't want to be chemically dependent on something I don't need anymore and want to see if I can have some of what I did before. I was a teen when I started so maybe I can't, but it's worth a try.
No. 411551
>>411295the field being oversaturated is kind of a meme. everyone and their mom
wants to get a compsci degree but a lot of people don't cut it and ended up going the IT route, which is totally respectable but not the same thing.
then those who do get the degree aren't guaranteed to actually be proficient, and on top of that if they're a guy they might be screwed if there's an equally qualified female candidate. tl;dr being a female with a CS degree who actually knows her shit is great
No. 411616
File: 1558140416058.gif (1.01 MB, 540x298, tenor.gif)
I know I shouldn't feel like this, but whenever I say no to a a kid I feel really bad. Sometimes I play ball with my neighbors kid and when I have to go the kid starts begging for me to stay. I feel so guilty
No. 411634
File: 1558144041519.jpg (11.45 KB, 270x267, fake_smile.jpg)
I'm convinced everyone I meet gets the impression I'm fake. I can't blame them, I smile endlessly, talk in a high voice, etc, but all genuinely
>Tfw not fake, just autistic.
No. 411644
File: 1558147517386.png (605.83 KB, 733x639, 1548824394026.png)
>>409707The update that nobody asked for: he killed himself and attached a plastic bag with his birth certificate to his body so that he could be identified. It's strange to think that someone's intense pain concluded with their body floating under the boardwalk while EMTs fish him out and cube monkeys on lunch break gawk and gossip
No. 411741
File: 1558181792080.gif (2.74 MB, 498x372, 1552088635843.gif)
My disgusting roommate got me sick because she literally just stands around open mouth coughing.
Of course, she's a lazy student so she can work from home but told me ~how hard it is to do work because of her brain fog~, but I'm a fucking laborer and I had to work two fucking days sick as a dog and today it's even worse, so my long weekend is ruined.
I just fucking hate how disgusting my roommates are. I am constantly cleaning up after them and I just fucking moved in a month ago.
Every single night I've been woken up by her coming out of her shared room and standing in the kitchen to cough so her precious (and also disgusting) bf doesn't get sick.
How the fuck do you even tell someone who is your age to cover their fat fucking mouth when they're sick and to fucking wash their hands after they've used the toilets? Seriously.
No. 411765
>>411402Update:
I called my dad in the morning and talked to him about this for the first time ever (?). Like before I only mentioned to him some stuff that he wouldn't probably get without knowing the full problem. Once I move out I will go look for theraphy. Hope I can get my life together with time.
No. 411768
I have a lot of issues with how honesty, pride and other positive values are perceived in my country.
It is true that a lot of people in charge are corrupt, uneducated and manipulative. However, somehow everyone who has money is put in the same box. I live abroad and earn a lot more than most people from my country, that's why I left, but for the standards here it's minimum wage. I'm not rich, I can't afford a lot, but I manage my money well because I grew up poor and know to save up for emergencies.
However, when I visit my hometown I sometimes encounter people who are seething with envy.
>Oh well it's easy for anon, she earns THOUSANDS of euro abroad!
>Well of course anon's mum looks good, her daughter lives abroad and can buy her spa treatments and expensive skincare! I'd look good then too!
>She earns LOTS OF MONEY abroad and doesn't even want to buy me coffee or bring me chocolate!
>I have to toil here for 150€ a month and she earns THOUSANDS just sitting on her ass!
>Who knows who got her that job! She probably married some doormat for a visa!
I don't buy my mum anything, she insists on sending me money and refuses everything I buy her. She used to turn the postman back until I stopped sending things. She sends me jams, wine, cheese and olive oil, not the other way around.
I also got my job by applying, going to an interview and answering questions like everybody else. My boyfriend isn't from here and can't get me any visas, I asked my boss for one and she said yes. And I'd gladly pay for any drinks if they invited me anywhere, but they don't remember I exist when I'm abroad.
Somehow the only way to be an "honest man" according to them is be poor, bitter and miserable. I hate this crabs in a bucket mentality. Like yeah, I got lucky, what do you want me to do about it, give it up and kill myself? Not accept nice things because they offend you? Give you all the money I earned through hard work just because you personally have it worse? Why should you have it and not I, why do you think you're better than me?
No. 411775
I fucking hate Rupert Murdoch and his weasel fuck son, I hope they burn in Hell for all the evil they’ve caused.
>>411760It’s depressing to be shown how genuinely retarded the people in your own country are.
No. 411778
>>411768My family is originally from the Balkans and similar attitudes occur in our area. During the war after we fled overseas these people (our supposed family) looted our house and then used it as a sheep pen, caking it in shit. So we only ever visited the area again one time, only to see them smugly keeping my mom's painstakingly knitted art and other keepsakes on their shelves. Then they get mad that we didn't bring them money, talk about how they can't find a job (the 15 year old across the street had one, but waiting tables is too laborious for them) and my peers there refused to talk or hang out with me. Years later they still call us in the middle of the night to ask for money, how baby #5 is on the way and they need money more than we do.
This is all my dad's side and he's incredibly naive so we have to keep the phone from him b/c he will literally wire over half our savings if he can. The same people who destroyed his marital home. Fucking gypsies.
No. 411804
>>411787With Canada, it's really easy to get PR once you get a degree there, but immigration is notoriously discriminatory towards people in MENA and India; the burden of proof with respect to funds, assurance that you won't just leave school and disappear, etc. is much higher. I have a lot of friends from that part of the world who had similar issues. Even as an American in Canadian grad school, I was held at the border and grilled on my intentions, whether I was planning to overstay and work illegally(???) etc.
Have you contacted the school you have the acceptance from? They're probably familiar with this sort of situation and might have resources to help you.
No. 411846
>>411804Thanks anon. I guess that's how they operate. I've contacted the school, but they can't or won't help. That isn't unexpected. I think I should try again and show them proof of funds. I really really don't want to sell the gold?? and put the money in a bank account but I don't seem to have another option.
>>411805I need to show them some sort of tie to my country as proof that I won't stay. I'm an only child and I thought it would be enough to show attachment to my family but I guess it wasn't. I think I should ask my current employer for an open ended job offer.
Luckily I can use my letter of acceptance/admission multiple times. Thanks for the responses anons. It was more helpful than anything else I tried these past days.
No. 411894
>>411879They OWN the business together from the ground up. It was terrible. He's a man child who thinks he can make it big by being a YouTube family, but barely gets any views.
It sucks, and no one really likes him other than this one guy who licks his boot.
No. 411981
>>411973>make bank considering the no effort I put in.What, so literally living the dream by most people's standards?
If this isn't a weird humblebrag, maybe you should ask yourself whether you want a job for bragging rights and to impress others, or because it suits your personality and lifestyle. It's not a hard decision unless you care way too much about what others think of you.
No. 411984
File: 1558245323099.jpg (58.97 KB, 640x480, 1541661752713.jpg)
I'm so fucking tired of waiting on stupid guys. Curse this stupid heart of mine for stringing me along. It's nothing but hurt. I can't expect anyone to change, so what can I do? I wouldn't dare walk away again for a second time, but I can't will myself to find other people who are more worthy of my time.. I feel like throwing away my phone. I'm sick of building my hopes up just to be let down.
>>411936For me, I find it comforting to know that at least I have me. Sounds lame, but that's really all we have at the end of the day. Try treating yourself a little, anon. Even if you feel like you don't deserve it, because you do. We need to care and love ourselves first, because if we don't then who will?
No. 412003
File: 1558252944490.png (149.78 KB, 305x305, yab.PNG)
My brother (who I live with but barely talk to) got jumped on his way to work tonight and luckily is fine (for the most part). Things have calmed down but it doesn't help that the cops literally laughed it off and think my brother is a dealer and knew the guys that jumped him because he looked/was high and didn't want to press charges (he didn't want to because the guys know our address). It's such bullshit and my dad, who has been on bad terms with him for years, believes the police. Everyones sleeping now but I'm so exhausted and feel so bad for him.
No. 412063
File: 1558278308053.jpg (155.09 KB, 1200x900, sad16.jpg)
I'm bored with life in general. It's the same old routine for me. Weekdays go to my boring job. Weekend just stay at home and sleep because there's nothing interesting to do in my small city. I'm getting bored with my hobbies. I don't have any close friends anymore since all of them moved away and/or in a relationship so I have no one to hang out with. Sometimes I feel really disappointed on how my life has turned out. I used to be sort of an ambitious kid. I dreamed of becoming a famous person or a successful business person or a professor holding a doctorate in a specific field and get invited to attend talks all over the world. Now I'm just a boring office worker with no friends, no relationship and no goals in life. How did I end up like this? Is life always going to be this mundane and boring? Is it even worth the effort to change? sighs
No. 412156
>>4121521. Buy yourself a drug test and see if you piss hot.
2. If you do, go to a head shop and buy synthetic pee, but keep in mind most tests check for temperature as well as pH. But if you can get past those things you're usually good.
No. 412157
File: 1558301839617.png (403.1 KB, 930x552, pol.png)
>lurking 8ch
>discover /pol/ board
>they're posting clips of black babies being abused and choked, calling it "hilarious", "the right thing", etc and that the "solution" is to kill all black people (because a child being abused clearly makes them subhuman, I guess)
This is why I don't see these people as "just jokes" or even worth more than profanity and disgust. They don't feel empathy, and they deliberately make themselves this way.
I unironically hope all /pol/tards die miserable, lonely deaths. I'm not even a little bit sorry for blocking people and cutting them off for being racist cunts, lmao.
No. 412272
File: 1558314065621.jpeg (37.84 KB, 561x660, D547WPWX4AAFB6q.jpeg)
I got myself mixed up in some shit I really didn't want since I'm working a lot on focusing on myself rn. A guy I liked confessed to me and normally I would outright reject people but this time I said yes to the date. And I'm just now realizing this is 100% not for me. I feel uncomfortable but I'm too scared to get myself out of the situation. Ugh, I'm so stupid.
No. 412274
>>4121578chan has been the source for two active extremist shooters' and their livestreams in the past six fucking months, everyone likes to conveniently forget that.
4chan is bad, 8chan is worse. They also have what's basically non pornographic pedophile threads that tiptoe on the borderline, but for awhile I think their deepweb incarnation had an actual CP section.
I'm surprised they're still around when they're even more disgusting and degenerate than 4ch, and there's been actual extremist activity on the platform. You can find similar shit on 4chan and even kiwifarms (there are unironic neonazis who are members of actual extremist hate groups on kf), but 8chan is for a special kind of filthy autist that you don't find as much on those two sites.
No. 412279
I used to really hate going to the hairdresser. My hair always came out fucked up and stupid looking, so I avoided it for years until my hair grew out to be pretty long. I took care of it, styled it, really enjoyed having long hair for a while. Then I found a hairdresser that I really like, she always only charges me $10 (from the inital big chop I did to every trim I do now), and deep down I really like the process of getting my hair cut (especially when I don't have to worry about looking like a fool at the end of it lol). Now I'm back to growing out my hair, just because I sorta miss having long hair. I wanted to do pigtail braids, or cute buns or something. I have really fine and straight hair, so short hair is just sort of a one and done situation for me. Can't really style it, can't do much at all really. But fuck, I really want to cut my hair. I just don't want to deal with it most days, I just wanna shower and have my hair dry in 5 minutes without using a blowdryer, I just wanna run out the door and still look effortlessly cute with a cute bob. I'm so torn.
No. 412288
>>412283Not sure why my dumb ass didn't think of this before honestly lol. I used to cosplay so I have a few natural (or as natural looking as can be with those sorts of wigs) laying around, but I might starting looking to invest in one or two really nice wigs…!
Summer is approaching and I can't even imagine having to deal with long hair in the summer time. I guess I'll go in for a chop next weekend! Thanks anon!
No. 412324
File: 1558324529251.png (549.57 KB, 591x889, 940949083.png)
i'm shit. as stubborn as i am not to let PTSD define me, the symptoms and effects fuck with nearly every aspect of my life. no matter what i'm told, i feel like broken goods, nobody will love me, and anybody who tries will get sick of me and leave. so i cling a little, and then i worry that that'll make people hate me too. and then i end up distancing myself entirely for fear of letting anybody see just how fucking sad i am.
i went to therapy. i'm medicated. i keep busy. but i still do stupid, crazy people shit like literally punching myself in my face and stomach until my knuckles and body bruise because i hate myself. i cut, but not where places they'll be seen because the last thing i want is to look crazy. i just cut to punish myself. even on stronger doses of benzos and antidepressants, the urge to sabotage myself because i'm worthless never fucking stops. i daydream about stabbing my eyes out for god's sake.
my therapist would have just called me weak and told me i'm letting the man who did this to me win. i am weak. i'm weak as fuck.
No. 412330
>>412069Haha, Laval actually. Quebec is one big shithole all together though.
>>412276I feel you anon, I'm really sorry. During middle/high school I'd have really bad ptsd relapses that ultimately made me fail and drop out. but I never told anyone because I literally couldn't. Trying to cope got to the point where I wasn't even sure if my memories where real or fabricated.
I used to hate having a safe space too but I've gotten more used to it. It's quite comforting. You're strong anon <3
No. 412346
>>412324Are you me
Are you this way from CSA?
Are you in the discord group
No. 412352
>>412346i'm this way from CSA and a recent violent rape by a psycho
i am not in the discord group
but if it puts up with dumbfucks like me i'm game
No. 412353
All my life I have had the displeasure of meeting a plethora of monstrous people. I had been bullied to the point of depression and thoughts of suicide, depression that I still deal with today.
have many examples.
1) When I was 12 I was friends with two girls named Trina and Ashley. I never did anything to her but Trina had secretly been planning on fighting me for a week. She tried to start a fight with me one day after school, and when I tried to walk away, she followed me and beat me up. She kept saying it was because I was messing with her cousin but the cousin admitted she knew nothing about this and hadn't seen me in years. All I know is that it was pre-meditated, she had planned to attack me for weeks and she made up a fake excuse as a pretext to beat me up. She had no actual reason. I was afraid to ride the bus afterwards. I even took another bus home then walked the rest of the way home so I wouldn't ride the bus with them. I was afraid of going outside of my house. Why would somebody make a pre-meditated plan to attack another person when they have done nothing to you?
2) Although Trina stopped, her friend Ashley proceeded to harass me for years, all through high school. Yelling loudly "I see a hoe" when she would see me. She'd pass by the bus saying "Hi bitch hi bitch hi bitch." She'd follow me to the restroom, would purposely pass by so her presence would intimate me. This continued for 5 years until she graduated high school.
3) It wasn't just those two female rats. There was one male rat named Gerald who was a guy in my classes who literally wouldn't leave me alone throughout middle school. One day he took a backpack and threw it at me. He'd call me "titty pills" and "grandma drawers." Teachers tried to tell him to stop and he basically said he didn't care to stop.
Didn't see him much in high school, but when I did see him in 11th grade, he pushed another kid so that the kid would land on me. Then in 12th grade, I tried to tell him and the group he was with to go inside and I was losing my voice so it was hard to hear me and he said angrily "Then what are you talking for?!!"
4) Another was Elie, who was one of Gerald's goons. He proceeded to harass me and wouldn't leave me alone throughout middle school. Thought he changed in high school? Nope. Senior year, we were 18, I was auditioning for a dance. With every one hearing, he proceeded to say, " I understand why all the other dancers are here, but what is she doing here?" Then when I told him to stop, he proceeded to take his had push it in my face. My contact lens fell out.
5) I had my first job at 16 where I worked under the President's assistant. She was 25 year old woman with 3 kids. The assistant seemed very uncomfortable from the beginning. She never gave me work and I would have to ask her for work multiple times a day. That didn't stop her from telling the President that "I didn't want to work." She would try to make me look bad, by saying "you left for lunch, we had to find somebody to cover for you" when I was the one who had asked that person to cover for me in advance. I remember I said "Good morning" to her once and she didn't reply. She told me that the (male) President told her "he doesn't like the way I dress" and tried to recommend new clothes for me. She got what she wanted and the President told her she could fire me. She gave me an angry look to when she saw me that morning. She then had me sign the papers then walked up and away.
6)This is not even mentioning my half-sister who hated me and my mom, lied and said my mom was poisoning her, then spread a false rumor when I was 11 that I was pregnant and told my friend's mother not to let her play with me because I was having sex with boys and was a bad influence.
7) I also had some bullying teachers. Most were just straight up rude, but not really bullying. Just ONE who was really rude. My school gave out badges to kids who got all As, A&B. I was asking a whole other administrator when badges were coming out and she randomly was passing by and heard and said: "You're not getting a badge." One day I went to class to tell her I wouldn't be coming to class that day and I came to tell her in advance, she embarrassed me and yelled me in front of our entire class watching: "Oh you came to make an announcement" then yelled at me in front of the class. When ever I would get a high score on a test, she'd be like " Oh that's a shocker" or "here's another shocker."
I never did anything to these people. These people were terrible people. It made me so depressed growing up. It still affects me now. Sometimes I can't help but hate my life. Like today
No. 412392
File: 1558341711750.jpg (393.86 KB, 1080x1790, IMG_20190520_103256.jpg)
Saw pic related on tumblr: what do they want us to do?
If Europe said no to Israel being the host country or if they would get excluded from competing in the contest in general, then everybody would cry antisemitism.
Now because they went to Israel, people complain about "white people" not listening to palestinians.
And because the icelandic group held about that banner, people say they neither helped palestina because it's just virtue signalling and that they offended Israel.
You really can't win, this is so annoying.
No. 412394
File: 1558341913631.jpg (184.42 KB, 1080x974, IMG_20190520_104509.jpg)
>>412392Some of the replies
No. 412447
>>412435No. That would make no sense, and it's still a sovereign country. You don't see New Zealand participating.
They're in Eurovision because… A lot of people there watch it and like it. Seriously, that's why. If it sounds a bit like "we have no friends, can we play with you?", that's because it totally is.
They were first invited as guests as a gag, and then two years later they participated as actual contestants.
No. 412448
>>412435yeah we're involved in shit like this/commonwealth games because we're part of the commonwealth and I think pity? queen on our money and shit.
a while ago they had a thing called CANZUCK trying to get us to all be able to travel freely around.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CANZUK_International No. 412502
I'm so tired of my friend's egoism. We live together and we are very close, share a bed sometimes, are playful and generally have a good time, until I tell him that he does something wrong. He spirals into "uwu I'm a sad depressed boi" mood and begins to say how he doesn't deserve me, he's a piece of shit, etc, etc. Me me me, me sad because you tell me that I did something wrong to you.
And you know what? He's been doing it for two goddamn years. At first I was stupid enough to react to it how he wanted - while he was "angry with himself" I coddled him and told him that he's not a bad person, and my uncomfortableness is not that big of a deal. And I ended up to be the one who said "sorry".
Yeasterday I finally told him that he is an egoist, a 30 years old child who cannot even say "I'm sorry" and if he doesn't care about me, why should I care about him? I said everything I held inside for years. I helped this person throughout all our relationship. I lent him a big sum of money when he needed it and ended up not asking it back, because I was sure that he is very depressed and is unable to work. I let him live in my house for how long he wants because I was sure that he has nowhere to go. I let it be not a real relationship, but "friends with benefits" one, even when I suffered because of it.
All my respect for him started to vanish when I became friends with his old friends. They told me that his mother (who lives in another city) is not exactly a poor woman. He has various places to stay, including his other friend's houses and his family members'. Then my best friend told me that one time they got drunk and he started hitting on her physically, so she had to stop it and tell him to go home. And we had a long talk about her and how I didn't want him to have any relationships with her.
He doesn't respect me. On top of all he can't even say fucking "I'm sorry"! Not even once! Not even when I ask him to say it! He doesn't! I considered him the closest person in my life, closer that parents. I always tried to make him happy, because I wanted to.
Yesterday I cried in front of him while he stayed silent. I said that he was hurting me, that I don't deserve to be ignored while he does what he wants in my fucking house and doesn't even think about my comfort.
"what do you want me to say?" he asked.
Just. Say. You're. Sorry. You. Trash of a man.
No. 412549
>>412502I had a friend likes this 5 years ago and I can relate to how you feel. It's not like they don't know how to apologize, it's that they think they don't need to because they hadn't done anything wrong.
I advise you to cut ties with him. I snapped at my ex-friend and told him I didn't want to be his friend anymore, and he did nothing to try to win me back or apologize. It was awful knowing he didn't care about our friendship at all.
However, I don't regret it. My group of friends still hanged out with him, but eventually they started to see his selfish and inappropiate behaviour. We are all adults now and nobody is friends with him, not in a close way at least. My friends even complained to me about him (it was kind of disgusting hearing them because I'd told them he was spreading rumours about me and they wouldn't even flinch, they even dared to blame me for it.)
Just run girl, run. And if you can, don't involve yourself with mutual friends neither. It's the best you can do. I'm really sorry you had to experience that type of behaviour in a close friend.
No. 412570
There's two people in my life that I used to know. One is a girl I knew in middle school, we stopped talking after highschool. She went on to do some medical stuff in college, is now going for her PhD I think. I have her on facebook, but I barely use it and the last time I checked she got married and now has a kid. I'm gonna guess she had a pretty big fancy wedding judging by her dress and the fact that she comes from a well off Jewish family. It feels weird that she's probably the only one in my life leading that sort of… life that you think you're supposed to have growing up? Get married, have kids, live in a nice house, earning a decent paycheck.
The other kid I know I met in college. We were in the same major, I was a year above him. He studied abroad in Japan, came back with N1 level fluency (I also studied in Japan but muh crippling depression and a bunch of other shit so I came back alright, but I barely use it now so shit sucks but I've basically lost everything I knew lol). He's interned at a bunch of big political places, even got offered an internship at the US embassy in Osaka and TURNED IT DOWN (because of his study abroad). Now he's interning at the US mission for the UN.
Part of me feels awful. These people are so accomplished, yet what do I have to show for it? I finally escaped my retail job and now I'm a receptionist. I don't think it's a bad job - I actually quite like office work, but it seems so… minuscule compared to them. It makes me feel like I'm just a stupid little ant while they're out there playing with the big boys, making something of themselves and possibly changing the world while I'm out here… just a receptionist. I hate feeling awful about myself when I compare myself to them, because the other part of me is perfectly content with where I am right now. I already know that I never want kids and gave up on a career in the political field a long time ago (honestly, fuck that lol not worth it for me). I already know that what I want out of life is to just lead a simple life, earning an honest living, and eventually retiring in my old college town with some dogs and maybe a partner. But fuck. Fuck brains, man. I wish I could stop feeling awful about myself and my self worth over shit that's not even worth caring about. These two people are great and hardworking and deserve the opportunities they worked hard to get, and I wish my dumb brain would stop being bitter because god knows if I had those opportunities, I wouldn't even want them.
No. 412576
>>412352I am the same way from CSA and rape as an adult
I'd really like to know you.
No. 412602
>>412587Sure thing!
Mechanical@key-mail.net
No. 412648
>>412647I feel this way too much.
After my ex broke up with me and I quit my last soul sucking job, I felt like I came out of that whole mess a completely different person. It was so hard to explain to my best friend that I'm just… a shell of my former self. Of course, I'm not the same person I was a few years ago, but to feel my whole personality and sense of self shift so drastically in the span of just a few months was weird and uncomfortable. It also feels way too 3edgy5me for me to say to people. Even posting it here I feel like someone's gonna call me out for trying to be edgy lol. But it's just how I feel.
I feel like I'm just an imposter, occupying this body until my former self returns. Who knows if she'll even ever return?
No. 412685
I'm trying to accept that I have body image issues that could hurt my relationship if I don't back off of them. I think I might have a minor ED when I let it control me, but have kept it under control somehow.
I've been skinny my whole life, without effort. My weight as a teenager was 105 until I had a breakdown and lost ten to thirteen pounds. After I gained it back, I put on more weight because I started to exercise more, but now I'm not really exercising other than some walking and cycling. I'm 5'6" and 112-114 lbs, usually, sometimes less, never more than 114. I can fit into all of the same clothes, it's just a bit tighter on my waist and hips. I am either a pear or bottom-heavy hourglass with a sturdy waist and have always had a small food pooch, except in the morning where I'm close to if not flat. When I worked out I had less of one, but still did.
I just want someone to tell me that I look ok. I keep looking at old photos and trying to see if I can look the same at my current weight. Even though when I look at the oldest photos, I think that I look a bit sickly.
I feel like I need to lose weight. Not that much weight, but maybe 5-10 lbs. I know I'm barely "normal weight," but it doesn't matter. The problem with all of this is that I'm not even "fat" and it consumes so much of my thinking that I have issues enjoying food, which is one of my passions. It makes it harder for me to enjoy sexual stuff too because I worry about looking good if I can see myself.
Everyone around me has said I shouldn't worry when I've told them. The most critical thing anyone has said is that if I'm that worried, just eat healthy or a bit less (he also said that I look fine.) The only time I don't worry is when I'm with my boyfriend because he adores my body, but he has issues with his body too. It comes and goes in waves and I just want it to not come back, because it has.
I just want to not care anymore.
No. 412695
>>412685Might sound odd, but what helps me with this is seeing people who are heavier than me being confident.
Unironically look through body positivity videos and posts on ig if you're an anon who can stomach looking at chubby people. Even if you're a fatty-hater, it will at least make you feel better than them..? Personally it just inspires me to see people who are "worse" than me just out there, existing. Having fun in public, even.
But otherwise, have you considered seeing a therapist about BDD? If it bothers you this much it might be worth it.
No. 412704
File: 1558394150888.jpg (22.62 KB, 479x477, b498338dd9456ec99fb22a446571aa…)
This is going to sound like a stupid thing to vent for but this is really affecting me too much. Since I was a child I have been obsessed with climaterio warming and I have done everything possible to reduce my ozone print and not damage the planet, however, this concern reached such a high fucking point that I started suffering from a lot of anxiety that caused damage to my heart, recurring nightmares and feelings of doom that destroyed me every day, I was only 12 years old. Finally I decided to relax a bit for my health until that theme returned with the news that we have only 12 years left before a total mess happening, I havent stopped thinking about it, the nightmares returned, I sweat cold and my hands dont stop tremble, even my family has noticed. It's too much, its so imminent, everyone seems to be so calm about this, how people can just ignore danger like this? (Its obvious why tho) How do you deal with this anons? Is there still hope? I will not even be 30 and the world will be already ended for me.
(My English sucks sorry)
No. 412710
>>412502Me too, people with that ~depressed sad woe is me uwu~ facade tend to be the worst, those who use their mental illnesses to guilt-trip others are everywhere and they hide very well. They act like the world owes them anything and even when they say how "actually nice and soft" they are it's all bullshit because they are the most self-centered people you'll ever meet, always thinking they should treat others terribly for their own personal issues due to some inferiority complex so you're always "the asshole" in their history, you got me with the "What do you even want me to say" bit, they have no empathy for anyone but themselves and i have seen it with my own fucking eyes with those exact same words, they just get desensitized to any pain that it's not theirs so the show can still be about how "sad" they are, not all depressed people are like this, but be wary, nobody, specially such a dedicated person like you, deserves this.
No. 412712
>>412704Same. I try to live as sustainably as possible but everyone around me says "yes there is a problem" and does fuck all about it.
The good news is, it's slowly getting better and lots of people around me are waking up and changing their habits, speaking up etc.
The bad news is I moved from a country that invented the guillotine to a country where people are afraid to talk to each other and sit around getting drunk in their underwear so nobody is protesting or holding big companies accountable for their actions. Also no farmers markets here and most of the food is imported so a lot of vegetables are packaged in plastic.
No. 412718
File: 1558396262525.jpg (23.27 KB, 400x400, 6fd9cce62517281542ea909a21d31d…)
I am in love with the pedophile who destroyed my life. He was a rancid, putrid man, a lolicon who taught me how to masturbate to loli right alongside real CP, we masturbated to rape and beastiality and necrophilia and torture (all irl) and art of babies being raped or tortured and I hadn't reached puberty yet I remember not quite having my own sexual desires or drive to touch myself but doing it for him and he instructed me to produce CP of myself shoving sharp colored pencils and scissors in my holes and was so focused on making "mind break" a reality with me, I think I was an experiment for him, because a real life prepubescent little girl who is mentally broken and bleeding from all her orifaces is like his main kink, and I feel like I'm still that to this day decades later
But still in my heart I feel like no one has ever or will ever love me the way he did
I think he defined what love is for me and he's the last word on it. I miss him. He's probably dead.
I want to be done living already.
No. 412724
>>412714I’m hoping it changes soon. The less kids exposed to all the freaks and shit on the internet the better.
I’ve heard that kids who are constantly on their phones/technology are becoming less empathetic/compassionate. Not sure how true it is but I can beleive it.
No. 412728
File: 1558399565716.jpg (60.69 KB, 783x392, images.jpeg-4.jpg)
I'm very suicidal.
Everything got really bad in the last 2 months. I got fired, my dad had a heart attack and I failed an important class at college that probably means I'm out of my course.
I've tried to let people know how I'm feeling anons but I don't think anyone truly understands the scope of it and how close I feel to that edge
No. 412739
File: 1558407248191.gif (768.24 KB, 500x340, seensomeshit.gif)
I had a dream I engaged in incestuous sex acts with my dream not-father. As in, this dream man wasn't my literal father, but I believed him to be my actual, biological father in the dream. I'm not even attracted to men in my waking life. What the FUCK does this mean
No. 412742
>>412707I feel your rage anon, those are my exact same thoughts.
>>412711Actually i'm diagnosed with ocd and i didnt know that having these thoughts was a symptom, i always thought that it was just me being a retard, also holy shit, i had a big obsession with asteroids for like a decade too!, it was a very tough time and im glad i wasnt the only one with those thoughts.
>>412712>Also no farmers markets here and most of the food is imported so a lot of vegetables are packaged in plastic.Well my country is very poor, so people normally buy vegetables and fruits directly from a farm and carry their things on reusable bags (they're very endurable btw).
No. 412766
>>412695That does sort of help me, actually. I'm not a fatty-hater either (although past a certain weight people tend to look gross) so if I see a chubby woman and think she looks ok, I tell myself that I must look ok too. Sometimes I see women with my body type, like actresses or "hot girls" online, and I try to see how I look like them to remind myself that I look fine.
I do want to get a bit more in shape again, for health reasons. And it would be nice if I could get my waist a little smaller/tighter so some of my skirts/dresses/pants aren't so tight on me. But I also feel like I don't know how to do it alone without getting into BDD territory.
It was a bit easier when I was getting abs and focused on how cool muscles are, and had people to work out with. I didn't focus on my body size so much then or "shrinking" myself. I've always had issues about my waist-hip ratio even though I have full hips because my waist isn't 23". I'm 26"-27"-ish and my waist and hips seem to grow at the same rate. I'm just including measurements and weights so you can get an idea of what I look like proportionally, I don't want to be dishonest and it also gives it some grounding?
I'm thinking about bringing it up with my therapist, but it's a weird topic to broach, and I'm not sure if he will approach it in the way I need or not. Everyone does body posi things but I'm not sure how it'd be best to go about it with me because I soaked in that rhetoric and it only seems to help me in certain forms. Seeing myself as a whole individual and not just a body works. It's not destroying my life so far but I want it to stop bringing me down on myself.
It's weird, sometimes I think being here makes it worse, but reading some of the people in /ot/ and /g/ who are also dealing with body image issues makes me feel like there are others I can talk to without revealing myself. I hope you girls can find close to unconditional happiness with your bodies someday, too.
No. 412767
File: 1558416270098.png (328.36 KB, 672x464, ss.png)
What color is this disgusting tile, anons? This is pink-purple, right? My mother is telling me this is beige.
No. 412773
File: 1558418253350.gif (1.96 MB, 450x450, 1534350634879.gif)
>>412715It's not just the weird shite online, it's the weird shite offline that has become acceptable to show off thanks to the internet. And that's not even the worst thing parents have to worry about, parents are actively destroying their kids with technology because they're lazy and spineless. My little sister goes to creche and many kids there have sensory issues because parents pacify them with tablets and have unrealistic academic expectations of their children because they want them to "succeed in life uwu", so they tiger mum them into autism territory.
All my friends say I'm being old and curmudgeony but I had a lot more friends playing outside as a kid than my little sis. I play with her when I can but I'm not at home most of the time, and her peers' parents are too lazy and paranoid to let them be kids, they constantly helicopter them when they play and interject every 5 minutes. Last year I took my sister and some of her friends to a national park and after we came back one of the parents had a fit because "what if there's ticks, what if my wee baby gets Lyme disease". Take him to a doctor so?
Another issue I've noticed is that parents seem weirdly scared of their children. Mothers with children on the tram just ignore their fits and tantrums or quietly whisper to them "be quiet, calm down" which of course does not work. You do not reason with rowdy children, you have to discipline them, and many seem to think that is wrong or
abusive or whatever. I've seen people on here lamenting about "picky kids" which is a non-issue and sounds like a yank problem. Kids should be taught to eat what the adults eat, it is completely ludicrous to prepare separate meals for your child, you are not a chef and a home is not a restaurant. Include your child in choosing what to eat for tomorrow, fair, but give them 2 options and let them pick. If they don't like it, they will when they get hungry.
I had a talk with an American mum the other day and she mentioned HelloFresh veggie delivery. It seemed lazy but she defended it with "um excuse me I'm a mom of a TODDLER". Congratulations, do you want a biscuit…?
I'm very protective of my sister and it saddens me that parents are becoming so spineless and filling their children's heads with new agey bollocks, and it's becoming popular worldwide thanks to the internet and everyone aping wealthy US West coasters.
No. 412807
>>412803>Me following politics would change things how? Your vote…? That's literally how democracy works.
I don't follow politics because it bores me and I'm lazy (also not American, so it's not shoved in my face 24/7) but every election I'm left wondering who I should vote for. Thank fuck other people care and our government has some majority-based direction as a result.
No. 412815
>>412763Just…masturbate. I spent $100 on a vibrator once and that first orgasm was worth it entirely.
>>412805I’ve been in your position. Please dump the poor boy if this is something that happens often.
If you feel like you’re
abusive then there’s a high chance you do act it out at times, If you feel guilt for being an
abusive person, then don’t give yourself something to feel guilt over. His committed nature is enabling your behavior because there’s nothing to lose for the tantrums.
I’m sure you’re not an awful person since you care about your actions, but you need to undo those guilt inducing actions with one that stops it from repeating.
You’ll feel better when you realize there’s no more punching bag, and need a new hobby to release emotions onto.
No. 412845
>>412815nta but which vibrator?
I'm afraid to buy anything that's been produced in China because obviously cheap production and therefore coated with god knows what. I want to completely go celibate and minimize my interactions with men, but just like that anon, I have a big sex drive.
No. 412890
>>412845The Nora by Lovense. I got the female ones for camming stuff and got my bf the pocket pussy. They had the discount for buying several different ones. This is the brand that connects to WiFi so that someone else can control the toy, or if a couple is using them, they can control the partner’s toy by how they use their own. Very good for military couples.
I’d recommend the Hitachi too though, maybe more so if penetration isn’t a necessity. Those have so much power.
No. 412896
>>407188I started Zoloft yesterday; 5 hours after taking it I was in utter agony. I couldn't read my computer screen, my vision was entirely blurry from the sides and would not focus. I couldn't stand up; I had no strength in my muscles. I was incredibly faint and dizzy. Also incredibly tired, but couldn't sleep because I was wired awake with an awful feeling/mental perception I couldn't explain that felt like I wasn't the same person and someone else took over. I had a headache, but I didn't want to take anything for the fear of it reacting with the Zoloft. Finally fell asleep, woke up this morning with the same feeling, headache hadn't subsided; went to the kitchen to get water and an advil. Started to get racing heart, now overheating and shivering, losing vision and hearing. I sit on the floor to make it stop, start having muscle convulsions.
inb4 anons say: lower the dose. I'm at the lowest dose, and took half a pill.
Honestly, this just pisses me off. Every SSRI I've taken gives me a fuckton of symptoms that are worse than just dealing with the mental illnesses on their own. I tried weed as well (not with the meds of course), and it just makes me feel incredibly nauseous. Ice helps, but I just can't stand the feeling. There's something so off when you're on these drugs. This isn't how I want to get better.
No. 412937
>>412773The way people describe raising a toddler as living hell is honestly not true. They sleep for around 15 hours so that's only 9 hours a day you have to spend with them. Keeping them amused isn't difficult either. They have short attention spans and all they really want to do is hear their mum's voice. If I'm somewhere like a waiting room and my daughter starts whining, keeping her happy is as simple as picking up a magazine and talking to her about the pictures inside. It doesn't matter if it's Woman's Weekly or Yachting World, she doesn't have preference yet. Even though the tantrums in public are embarrassing, there are ways of dealing with it that don't result in shouting and screaming. Children of that age don't understand why they're being punished anyway. If I'm in a supermarket people might think I'm mental for singing nursery rhymes to a banana but it's better than the alternative.
It upsets me to see other mothers ignoring their young children while they stare at social media on a screen, or just give them the phone to shut them up because it really doesn't have to be that way. Even if a phone is the only thing you have to amuse them, there's a lot of activities that don't involve leaving them alone with a game. Search for animal pictures and show them, or download a free drawing app and get them to scrawl on the screen. I will never understand how some people think that what happens on the internet is more interesting than their own child's development.
No. 412938
>>412896>This isn't how I want to get better.It's not how you are meant to get better.
I was put onto medications at a young age. Ritalin and Concerta. From age 8-16, I functioned because of my medications. I got off of them in high school and my grades really suffered. I did graduate thankfully and went away to college, where I started drinking heavily. Parents sent me to rehab (no rehab, no college on their dime – I agreed) and I was put on a bunch of medications there to help with my "depression" and "anxiety". Mental illness runs in my family and I know I've always been a little off, but being put on medication was probably the worst thing that ever happened to me. I ended up getting on Zoloft (along with Klonopin, Latuda, and Lamictal) and I started doing some seriously crazy shit. I felt completely out of my mind, dissociated, stopped eating and started harming myself. I had NEVER self-harmed before, even when I was """depressed""" and drinking heavily. Every DR visit yielded a change in dosage or new med. I felt nervous, there was a benzo. I couldn't concentrate, they put me back on ADHD meds. I felt moody, they put me on Seroquel. Before I knew it, I was on 6 different meds – at that point, they're adding in medications to treat the symptoms of other medications and who knows where your problems start and where they begin. It took me sleep walking into traffic on Ambien and nearly getting arrested for me to cut everything cold turkey. (Not a good idea either, always taper off, lol)
Anyway, I'm 4 years med free and I'm still "off" but my life is a lot better. 4 years ago I was barely working min wage with no future in sight. I have a fiance now, a great job in my field, and I am pretty happy overall. What really changed things for me is attending 2 years of intense CBT with a real psychologist. Therapy had never really worked for me until then.
Anyway, I wish you luck on your journey. Medication definitely is not for everyone.
No. 412941
>>412910>>412903>>412911I messaged my doctor online, a nurse usually reads them. It'll be three days. I can't call my doctor directly. The emergency number my doctor gave me just redirects me to going to the ER, which is a waste of $300-400 since they're just going to tell me nothing is wrong and "don't take the meds lol."
>>412927I took a DNA test that tells you if you have any genetic variants that would alter your ability to use certain medications, and most of mine are all average. The few variants I have that can alter the way my body takes certain meds, are for things unrelated to SSRIs, just one for a certain bipolar medication (I'm not bipolar).
>>412938Thanks anon, congratulations on finding a way to cope and improving your life. I signed up for CBT, that's what I really want out of this, but the class isn't for a few months. I'm supposed to get a pamphlet in the mail when it starts.
No. 412946
>>412917just ask them questions about themselves, their health, pets, children, how the children are doing in school, the weather, if they have booked their holidays, very local news, whatever old lady TV show of the moment (for example love island for britbongs), ladies love going off of that shit. if you can feel one of them being a mother hen type then also ask questions about work like "ahah sorry how do I do this? oh thank you so much, you're so good at this" type shit. for the grumpy ones that cba with work anymore or don't talk to no one, be quiet around them but if you see them having an issue w something or like commenting on some random shit, swoop in on that opening in a non-obnoxious way. if there is workplace drama or like an incompetent manager or something, they love gossiping about that shit so that's a good bonding activity too. being hardworking and helpful (not condescending though) will also get appreciated. obviously be genuine otherwise it'll catch up with you, i personally really like getting to know people and what makes them interesting.
source: my workplace of 3 years is mostly women ages 45-65 and I'm tight with most of them, especially the grumpy ones.
No. 412947
>>412936She whines about absolutely everything, srsly. She treats my message box as her personal twitter account.
The things she whines about the most are: her mom being cold towards her, her "friends", her own personality, being tired of doing exams.
Her friends really are a bunch of assholes (like asking for favors and not returning, treating her like crap by ignoring her messages and even blocking her on social media), but everytime I tell her to just cut them off, she says she'd rather have them around than being alone (that doesn't stop her from complaining about them at every given opportunity tho).
About her mom: she's always telling me how cold her mom is towards her and always favors her brother (about this idk if it's true, bc he also whines about their mother favoring her). She sends me instagram videos that are mother-daughter related saying she wishes she had a more close relationship with her mother; now, I understand this is a sensitive topic, my main problem here is that she's in her early twenties (older than me) and these were things I used to be mad about when I was a teen, but now as an adult I realize it's just useless to beat the dead horse. Our parents are fucked up and there's nothing we can do to change this but being better parents than them in the future. This might sound cold but it's reality. Why lament yourself over things that are out of your reach? It's hard to move on but we have to make the sacrifice, because life doesn't stop. I cannot make my dad see how much harm he has made to our family so why should I care? I'll carry on with my life, that's it, but no matter how much advice she receives from me or her psychologist, she's doesn't seem to move on from this mindset.
She's also weird as fuck, because she always says she HATES being an introvert. She hates socializing but also hates the fact that she hates socializing. Now, I understand it's hard as an introvert to enjoy socializing, but she literally says she hates herself because of this and I think this is straight up weird. It's okay if you want to be more social but hating yourself? Hm
>>412942>She's not med school caliberExactly, I've been trying to tell this to her. In my opinion, she fails because she doesn't listen to anyone's advice. It is extremely hard to enter med school where I live, to the point where the students that do succeed admit to only sleeping 4, 5 hours per night and only living in function of studying. She's always partying on weekends, she goes out sometimes on weekdays; I hardly doubt she studies as much as she says she does (she says she studies all day long until 10pm), because she messages me all day. When I tell her she should give up on her life for a year in order to pass the exams, she tells me "but there are people who studied much less and did it!!!" and fails to realize she's not one of those clearly.
No. 412990
File: 1558468495000.png (427.25 KB, 514x662, 1496069987363.png)
Sort of a vent sort of wanting advice, how do I get guys my age to like me? I'm in my late 20s and the only guys that flirt with me are much younger and while it's flattering I don't want to mother someone.
Why do guys my age never initiate?
No. 413024
>>412549>>412710Thanks, anons. Yesterday we had another talk, he admitted his selfishness, but only after he ignored me for a whole day, and then came to my room and basically told me that he is not responsible for what he says. I scolded him for that. I cannot fucking believe that a person who I adored so much is such an asshole who cannot even fully admit that he is not right.
I think at this point we have an unhealthy codependant relationship. I have no idea how to end it, though yesterday I thought I was ready to do it. There were several times when I could just say "Collect your things and get out of my house", I was actually planning to do that since I wrote my first post. I just couldn't do it. I loved him so much for who he was, so cutting him off feels like cutting off your own arm yourself. I have no idea where to find courage to do it.
Funny thing is, I never was like that prior to him. All my previous relationships ended when it was needed, and there wasn't nearly as much pain as there is now. I'm so angry. At myself, at him, at the whole situation.
No. 413043
This anon reporting in
>>412896I sent her a long ass message explaining I was having muscle convulsions and heart palpitations (all symptoms the bottle said to call the emergency room for) and her only reply was "I strongly recommend you keep taking the medication." Dear God, what the fuck you absolute sociopath. She also diagnosed me with anorexia despite not being underweight and recommended me to an eating disorder in-patient program that's almost $50,000, even though I scrounged up $500 over several months just to see her this once; I even told her and the other psych the last time I was here I couldn't afford treatment.
No. 413060
>>413043Your doctor genuinely sounds like a sociopath as you said, definitely do not keep taking it! jesus. your symptoms sound awful, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Also what kind of fucktard considers someone anorexic yet encourages them to take medication that they have a horrible reaction to? if you
were anorexic it would kill you.
The fact you had to pay for such awful care is a crime.
No. 413095
>>413024Even if you don't cut ties with him now, you will in the future, it's only a matter of time until you explode (?) for real.
In the past, you could end relationships without hesitating because you weren't being manipulated. Since day one, you've been indulging on his
abusive behaviour, saying sorry when you weren't at fault and being guilt-tripped. The false guilt is still there, that's what is holding you back right now.
I know it may sound radical to end the relationship, but it's really the best for you.
I wish you the best of lucks, anon.
No. 413126
>>413006Right! Like I’m constantly looking for reassurance and validation and even physical affection that I didn’t get as a child. And it’s just unacceptable, both for me personally and anyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with me. It’s ruined any chance of me having normal relationships with people because…I literally don’t know what normal is. I used to be jealous whenever I visited a friend’s house in school and I saw how comfortably they would speak to mothers and how like, nicely their mothers treated them.
Not only was I neglected in all those ways but I was also actively mocked and teased whenever I had a negative or inconvenient emotion i.e. sadness, anxiety, anger. Did this type of thing happen to you? Like, ignored when happy, teased and then ignored when unhappy?
I feel like I’m constantly grieving for the family I never had and never will.
No. 413168
>>413113I will turn 24 soon and still don't have a skin care routine (today I washed with something other than just water and put on moisturizer for the first time in over a month)…
I don't even think that I look that old, but my parents say I do. I also often meet people whom I believe to be my age but then they speak formally to me, so I guess they think of me as older too.
Regardless, because of my not caring for my appearance I will look absolutely horrible soon. My mother has really awful skin and most people say that they're shocked that my father is
only 52 - because he looks so much older.
My features/bone structure and body is shit too, I really got the worst of all genetics. To top it all of, I'm very tall and was always dressed in a too mature way by my mother while growing up, so I've been mistaken for being an adult starting when I was less than ten years old. I guess also because of my face, even back then.
No. 413202
>>413200You have to take 3 pills daily and at bedtime for a maximum duration of 2 to 3 weeks.
350mg is not enough.
No. 413211
>>413206Benzos have serious abuse and addiction
potential. That doctor is a clown.
No. 413250
>>413206Doctors on the NHS get monetary gains for getting patients on prescriptions. Not sure about the US but it's for profit. Most of these pills haven't even been in trail for that long and long term effects not known.
What a nice gimmick to have mental health spoken about the way it is these days and pills seen as tokens of honour. Just shrieks irresponsibility by doctors. I got given 40mg without even being in therapy because I had been in therapy before and that was good enough for them. Then ensues the worst year and a half of my life. I took myself off them and after about 3 months started regaining my focus and productivity and shifted 2 dress sizes after my metabolism being fucked with no change in diet and a bit of extra lethargy and my periods started skipping months coming off it. It's taken nearly a year to feel myself again and I felt like I only saw one competent doctor that entire time that actually correctly figured out I had anxiety over depression and my adrenaline levels were high pretty much constantly. You know what fixed me. The dreaded treatment of making sure I exercised every day and took care of my basic needs.
Sorry this went blog post. Just after my experience being in therapy without getting prescribed meds, then a year later after therapy ended going back and just getting handed 40mg of citalopram with no other type of advice on how to manage. Then about 12 months later after having a few scares a different doctor thought to do blood tests and said I had severe anxiety. Mental health services are still a mess waiting lists for cbtherapy is near 9 months
No. 413254
>>413244I get a panic attack by just reading that. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I used to be a freelancer and quit due to that. There are ways to work solo but as someone that used to be in web dev & graphic design, there are too many shitty clients and too few that are good. You know that feeling when you deliver your work and think that you're selling yourself low? I got that often. I did get a few good clients but the income wasn't stable and there were times when I'd have to accept jobs to fill in a few lousy months. Sorry for going on a tangent. I recall eight years ago the freelancing market wasn't so bad. Now with freelancing sites taking huge cuts and third worlders (no offense to third worlders though) low-balling and screwing everyone else, it's difficult to compete and gain quality clients because the few ones are always taken.
Just don't beat yourself over that, take it as a blessing. I hope you find some new clients. In my case, advertising locally and getting local clients was a much better experience and more enjoyable. The pay may not be always on par when you work with big names, but the pay's more consistent and you both know what to expect from each other.
No. 413283
>>413113>>413125>>413168Guys, you don't start truly aging until your late twenties… your cells are still replenishing themselves at the same rate as the younger girls… It's the perfect time to start a serious skincare routine and protect the skin. Your skin WILL start aging around 25/26. Yes, it would have been ideal to protect the skin from sun damage earlier on, but you still have time to replenish the skin and protect it now.
No matter what you put on your face, your skin is not going to look its best if you are not getting the proper nutrients. So many girls have horrible skin and spend a ridiculous amount of money on their routines but still drink heavily, skip water, and don't take supplements.
It's one thing for a 38-year-old women to lament about not taking care of her skin earlier. You are all biologically young and can have better skin than the 16-year-old's who don't take care of themselves if you put in the effort.
No. 413334
File: 1558551208183.jpg (112.66 KB, 1280x720, 1e72677a-2638-403f-a91b-5f0fee…)
>tfw your coworkers are being openly bi/homophobic in front of you while knowing you're bi.
They don't seem to "believe" I'm actually bi, and their comments aren't pointed at me but it always catches me offguard.
No. 413343
File: 1558553761401.jpeg (154.27 KB, 1024x902, AC1EB084-F44A-4FB2-B195-6201C4…)
my body dysmorohia is really ruining my life. i can’t have sex, im tempted to give up on dating forever because I’m my mind im so fat and disgusting and nothing will change it. im working out and going to the gym but the petite feminine body i want I will never have. I wish I was strong enough to just starve myself back to 90 pounds like I used to be. It’s fucked up I was more successful in relationships when I was in highschool than now as a 24 year old adult. I’m groutesque and while I know rationally my body is ok just chubby it’s still in my mind disgusting and all men want are thicc hourglass goddesses or petite 90 pound waifs.
Ironically I had more self confidence when I was fatter a few years ago. I wore what I wanted and still tried to date. Now 20 pounds less I think I’m more gross now than I did before.
>tl;dr pls bully me into just being ana because i want to die being the way I am
No. 413355
>>413328Same, I will keep an eye in the thread in case some anon creates a Discord server I feel exactly like
>>413296.
No. 413359
>>413343This meme about women not being able to get a man if they're fat should be buried by now considering all the obese lolcows on this website who, despite having horrorcow personalities to boot, have relationships.
Your insecurity is probably driving people away if anything, and that would be the case even if you were 90 pounds again.
No. 413368
>>413360please watch like an ep of dr phil or jeremy kyle or something, all those gross uggos are getting laid and married left and right, what do you think makes you special/worse than them? or just look outside at normal people going about their normal lives, family friends, etc, I can guarantee you most of those women in relationships look average or even dumpy. as for finding a 'prime catch' man, that's a different issue but being 90 pounds won't help it either, however, being a normal, outgoing and interesting person will make it easier. sorry if I'm being harsh, you just sound fixated on a non existent issue and hellbent on ignoring everything else.
No. 413379
>>413373>>413360Tbh if you think there aren't sleazy ass 'attractive' men who cheat on their perfectly beautiful girlfriends and wives who do everything for them then you're sorely mistaken.
You're being insecure anon, and I know that's a tough pill to swallow considering there are legitimate things to be insecure about these days as a woman. Being "fat" when you know you're just being harsh on yourself isn't one of them.
>>413373It's just easier for anon to tell herself that men are primarily only
abusive towards fatties than address her problems with low self esteem. Massive cope, but it doesn't help to be mean.
No. 413382
>>413379>It's just easier for anon to tell herself that men are primarily only abusive towards fatties than address her problems with low self esteem. Woah no, I’m the anon who posted the vent and I don’t think all fat women are in
abusive relations. Anon here
>>413359 was talking about the lolcows posted on this site as proof.
There are fat women in great relationships and not all men are shallow but those people are very lucky, or maybe I’ve just been unlucky and with very shallow men.
No. 413383
>>413382You're basically saying you can't find a meaningful and respectful relationship unless you're at whatever this 90 pound ideal is.
The other poster is right, evidently a lot of fat people find relationships so it's not really a weight thing more than it is how you're probably coming off.
No. 413384
>>413381Tabletops are a lot more mainstream nowadays and a lot of women have entered the hobby, so you could find a group with women/non-creepy men, and you definitely wouldn't be too old to start.
I'm also someone who doesn't like social interaction too much but I find tabletops to be a really nice source for it, so you might enjoy them too.
No. 413459
File: 1558580825877.jpg (125.87 KB, 850x1041, sample_c4d09d2111c669ef8e687d7…)
My boyfriend spent the past 2 hours screaming his head off at me while I was sitting there, feeling horrible but hiding it, doing my best to support him. He said everything is my fault, he said I'm a selfish bitch, and he said I forced him into a bad situation (I am a victim in this situation as well)
This is the first time I've genuinely felt abused by him, and I don't know what to do. I have PTSD from abuse and this is just.. horrible for me. I love him to death, I want to marry him, but.. I feel like what he did is unacceptable, and as usual, I'm just brushing it under the rug and forgiving him because I'm terrified of being alone.
Fuck.
No. 413460
>>413443>>413444>>413458i consider myself good friends with the bride and another person going, and i may be wrong but i think the others find me at least annoying. they're mostly my boyfriend's friends and if i don't go, he won't go
on another vent thing, i got a job to pay for this and it's fucking hell, this is my first… real job, i worked seasonal jobs but fuck. my one manager thinks i'm an airhead, today i was doing what he told me to, and he kept shouting "are you doing what i said? why is this part not done? and you even paying attention?" when i just hadn't gotten to that part yet, then the cash register malfunctioned and i had no idea what happened but he acted like i was a fuckup and told me to just go walk off so he could fix it
the other day too i fucked up a credit card transaction and got 20$ taken outta my paycheck for it.
No. 413463
>>413461Well.. we kind of tend to yell at each other when things get bad. It's not really a fight, it's more of a "who wants to kill themselves more" type of thing.
When he yells at me, he doesn't tend to actually insult me or say things are my fault. He has called me a selfish bitch numerous times in the past, though.
Also, I forgot to mention, he mocked me when I said I had been trying so hard to be there for him for so long and had been doing nothing but trying to make him feel better.
I feel bad, because I either just sat there and took it and got a bit quiet as I did with my past abusers, or I tried to console and comfort him and he refused it and got even angrier.
I'm not a very strong person, I can only put up with hiding my feelings around an extremely rageful person for so long, so I snapped at some point and things got even worse. I told him what he did was unacceptable and I wouldn't stand for it.
He apologized. I forgave him. I'm hurt, like, really hurt. We're going on vacation in 4 days. I don't love him less, but I'm just so hurt.
No. 413465
>>410232Actual African here
Men are trash regardless of race. It's not only African men
No. 413478
File: 1558586079594.jpg (46.24 KB, 650x618, serge-marshenikkov-1-040416.jp…)
Life is really pointless. There's no real aim once you've met all of your basic survival needs, which I have, given I have a very privileged life of parents who've always been able to provide financially. I myself need very little to get by, I can go a week on $20 worth of groceries, and live in a small van. I spend most of my life in my room, aside from occasional walks to the gym. Nothing brings me joy outside of a few relatively insignificant hobbies like being in the presence of nature, writing poems, learning new languages, and sketching. That said, these positives don't really outweigh the general grief of day-to-day life.
I'm considering suicide. I've made up my mind, I know I will do it at some point. I'm sure I'll get replies of seeing a therapist, "it gets better," and socializing. I've done it. I've found that, yes, it does get better, which is why I feel so at peace with my decision. Life is fucking stupid, okay? I either work 9-5 (more like 14+ a day); sign up for the next war in some bullshit political system perpetuated by the lingering barbaric cultures of hundreds/thousands of years before it, or live a secluded life (which I already am now) and make do with what I have. I'm tired of the "find your own meaning" productionist propaganda. This is alright if you heavily feel connection to a cause, a community, or a passion/career/hobby. I don't. I've made an effort to be a part of things; I just don't click. I'm probably schizoid. I'm just going to continue to do the few things that I love, and when those things get boring and I don't find a replacement, I'll pass peacefully with the method I've chosen.
No. 413490
>>413485>Speak up against unlawful practices, get your voice heard, go zero waste, start a gardenI've done all of this.
Rallying is pointless due to political lobbying. Look at world history, there has never truly been an era of peace and concern for earth and humanity's wellbeing; small efforts are always thwarted and make no real difference in the grand scheme of things. Humans are prone to be violent, and the people who cry the most for social and ecological justice are usually the ones to stand behind this violence.
No. 413495
>>413491Calling out Islam = "Islamophobia"
Calling out Zionism = "Anti-Semite"
A huge chunk of the west's problems are held in the middle east, and anyone who calls this out is labeled a fascist and Nazi, which leads to social ostracizing, not limited to physical violence, doxxing, and losing one's job and reputation in all further endeavors.
Those that preach for a better environment, are the same assholes that whined at Trump for wanting products to made at home, instead of overseas, where the products are made in less regulated environments, as well as having to burn fuel to have said products shipped here to the USA.
No. 413496
>>413490It is not pointless. Any movement done from the ground up is going to be hard and laborious to expand, and it will take time. But seeing the results, however small, is so rewarding and encouraging that I never want to stop.
I started doing all of this years ago. People thought I was weird, my ex-boyfriend ( not actually a bad guy ) was making fun of me for being a "hippie vegan", nobody gave a fuck. I tried fixing my lifestyle in a place where nothing grows and all alimentations are sold in plastic. Suddenly my ex started buying things because they were plastic-free. I did not ask him to do this. He started bringing a reusable bag, wanted a garden. Then he messaged our local Walmart-size supermarket. A month later they started carrying bio and paper bags. Some months later they phased out plastic ones completely. All because he asked nicely and people started buying there more to support them. This year that supermarket chain released an announcement encouraging people all over the country to bring their reusable containers to be filled. Our commune is now sending spokespeople for climate change into the European Parliament.
Peace and war have nothing to do with this. It is not a zero-sum game, every change you make is a change in the right direction. If you are not achieving the results you are expecting, maybe you are doing something wrong - like being excessively preachy and naggy about people's habits, messaging the wrong people, not calling/speaking up enough, &c. Maybe you just live in an environment full of shit people. But if you give up, you're letting a lot of people who shouldn't have power over you, have even more power over you.
No. 413498
>>413495I see what angle you're trying to push. But so what if someone calls you Islamophobic, anti-Semitic or whatever? Does that make it true? Are you going to let people bully you into agreeing with them?
People have called me Islamophobic and racist many times and I'm still here. I haven't lost my job, my friends, the hair on my head, nothing. People cheat on their husbands, other people diddle children and they're still fine and employed and their friends even defend them.
No. 413501
>>413496Where I feel my calling is, is a zero-sum game. We lobby $38 billion to them in military aid. Speaking out against them is basically illegal once you reach a certain level of impact. They make up a majority of government and elite colleges, and therefore gatekeep entrance of all of these regions. They own all major news outlets and control a large portion of what Americans believe. I'd have to build an army, and fuck if anyone will listen.
>>413498See above, the reason why you don't have anything on your head is because you haven't pushed hard enough. A few negative opinions won't necessarily harm you, but if you want to make a movement out of it like I do, there definitely will be hell to pay. Anyone who's ever curious as to why Lincoln and Kennedy were shot, please look it up.
Give you a hint, it was the FEDs.
No. 413506
File: 1558591096787.jpg (37.31 KB, 567x558, D6zhW-tUEAI74Ta.jpg)
My mother is a recovering drug addict, she's been sober for about 3 years and I lived with her (against my will since I was in middle school to high school at this time) for a couple years while she was still using but moved in with my grandparents when things took a really bad turn and we were homeless. Since then, she's been doing well and I even moved back in with her since she at least went to college for 1 year and I had no one to help me since my grandparents are just…I don't want to call them lazy but they are old so they just don't have the energy to help me. So, I moved in and my step-dad spent several months trying to get me to join the Navy (I basically had a break down over it after my Recruiter came over without any warning and pressured me for 2 whole hours; I just kept saying I wasn't sure and she would keep saying "why aren't you sure?" and when I brought up my depression and anxiety (I did not mention this before cause I knew it would make it to where I couldn't join and I was being pressured so hard to join by my step-dad) she told me "You don't have that, don't insult those who do."…It was a horrible experience.) I felt like I was getting nowhere when living with them since my mom was so busy working and my step dad starting being verbally abusive to both of us. Now, I moved in with a friend who I've know for 8 years, (I'm 19) and her mom is helping me figure out college stuff which I am so so so grateful for cause she has been in college for over 10 years and is very successful. My mom has mental issues so she basically had a breakdown over this and tried for 2 whole weeks to get me to come back (Thankfully, I was smart and stood my ground or else things would be so much worse.)
She, eventually, accepted that I was going to stay here and things felt like…stable in my life for the first time, it was a great feeling not having to worry about anyone but myself. This was short-lived, however, when I left my mom had a huge breakdown, this resulted in her losing her job. And it just got worse from there, she started calling me telling me about all her problems dealing with my step-dad, who had now begun acting different towards her. (Like worse than normal) and wouldn't give me the full details, she would just call and dump a whole bunch of stuff on me and then hang up. She even did this on my Birthday which was this month. I asked if he had been hitting her and she told me he had been worse than usual…
My step dad has hit her before, this man is over 6 feet and over 200lbs, meanwhile my mom is 5'6 and is underweight. I've always had this constant fear she is going to end up dead, ever since she almost overdosed. It's always in the back of my mind, always. Every time we go a couple days without talking I start freaking out that she is dead (which is why I don't just ignore her when she calls me) and I'm just waiting for that call. I just found out today that my Step-dad is now dealing and using Meth, and has still been beating on her. She keeps saying she won't leave, because he was 'there for her when she was recovering'.
She needs help, I'm so stressed over this I don't know what to do. There is nothing I can do and it makes me freak out so bad. I can't stop thinking she's going to die before she can leave. Fuck man, there isn't anything I can do.
I think I need to see someone about this, like a mental health professional. I don't think this is normal. I sleep for 12 hours a day or I stay up all night because I'm so worried about her. Mental health issues run in my family so maybe I just need to see someone, to get the help that my mom refuses, I don't want to end up like her.
I have so much shit that I think about, I go from worrying so much about her that I make myself sick to resenting her for putting me in so much danger due to her addiction. For putting drugs over the safety of her children. So many things have happened this year, not to mention all the years before this. I just need to talk to someone, and move on with my life. I just want her to get better so I can move one (as selfish as that sounds.) I'm so tired of this.
Sorry this was so long, I just needed to put my thoughts into words.
No. 413507
File: 1558591151968.gif (685.38 KB, 500x282, FE0D7DF6-905C-4FC1-8D36-5EE076…)
I failed my driving test. I’m trying to get over it but it’s still bothering me. I believe my driving instructor caused me to fail. I was so confident a few hours before my exam. My instructor had me practice before my exam and during practice he was teaching me to pull over. Needless to say, I had trouble pulling over, I’d misunderstand his instructions, and this made him frustrated. He raised his voice and even told me I was going to fail my test. I was nervous and even wanted to cry. I didn’t regain my confidence and I failed. I hate driving.
No. 413519
>>413514> I'm even jealous of people that work average wages in more developed countries because they seem to be able to afford living very comfortablyThis is not your fault and is understandable.
>I'm also very jealous of people from more developed countries because they seem to be able to express themselves through their clothingThis is not your fault either.
You seem to be a
victim of circumstance. These feelings are completely logical and understandable. As long as you don't let them overpower you and make you treat someone you're jealous of poorly even if they treat you well, nobody would think of you as a bad person.
Jealousy is a natural emotion and should not be vilified and shamed as much as it is, it does not make you a bad person, unless you do dumb shit because of it.
Also, I sympathise, I was a third world poorfag until recently and only got out because I was lucky. Things can get better if you try. That's not to say you're not trying hard already, before you say anything, it just means that you're not trying the things that would work better to solve your problem.
No. 413529
>>413507I scraped by on mine with a 70 and borderline failed when I did it. The instructor was pressed that I was nervous about yield light turns. They mark points off for the dumbest shit.
You'll get there anon. Once you pass any failures will mean squat.
No. 413541
>>413507You're good anon. I failed my driving test two days before my permit expired. Thankfully I passed the next day, but I literally failed before even getting out on the road because I started to back out of my parking space and my tire scraped on the curb next to me.
Pulling over is difficult, just make sure you put on your right turn signal first before making doing anything else.
No. 413613
>>413507Don't beat yourself up anon, I failed my test 3 times before getting mine (I literally just got mine last week after months of trying but that's mostly on me, I took the first 3 tests super prematurely and I wasn't ready yet). Driver instructors aren't always the nicest but I promise you most likely won't get the same person next time if its a moderately sized/big DMV. If you need to, find a DPS/DMV in a country area, even if it means having to drive an hour it might be worth it. I took 3 tests in a heavy suburban/small city area and it wasn't until I went to a WAY smaller DMV that I ended up passing. There's just so many less variables in country DMV driving routes so that could help your nerves, way less traffic too. Drive the route beforehand and if you don't know the route if you go to a new one, just drive as much around that area as you can.
There's a statistic out there that I think said more than 50% of people fail the road test their first time so you're not alone. You will get it eventually, I promise!
No. 413621
File: 1558624933960.gif (104.43 KB, 400x269, 9CE15E5D-F5CD-43FD-B1B8-54CEBA…)
i have been talking to the nicest and cutest russian guy from tinder for the past week and yesterday was supposed to be the day that we would meet. i haven’t had a boyfriend forever. i was so excited, i bought a new outfit the day before and some new makeup, planned everything out with him, told all my online friends etc. i got up early to get ready and i worked on my appearance for almost 2 hours, i wanted everything to be right. i slowly started getting concerned about if i’d match my photos, i started feeling so bad about myself, i thought i looked horrible. i know i don’t, in my heart i know i look okay but i felt terrible about myself. my self esteem is non existent. i ended up canceling on him and blocking him. i feel horrible. it’s nobody’s fault but my own. i just don’t feel good enough for anybody. ever since my long term ex boyfriend cheated on me i just feel terrible about myself. i don’t know how to be self confident. there goes my chance of meeting someone new. i even impulsively deleted my tinder profile in the moment. i had my chance and my dysmorphia spoiled it and it’s all my fault.
No. 413630
>>413621You seemed to be pinning a lot of expectation and hope on one random Tinder guy, putting way too muche effort into preparing for it, and exhausted yourself.
Usually it's the guy who looks different - worse, shorter, different hair, looks terrible from a certain angle. View future dates as Not a Big Deal and assessments
of him not yourself, in future. The only bad impression you ended up making was by being a ghosting flake. We're all human. Nobody is perfect. Just take it easy and be chill about everything and you won't overwhelm yourself next time. (Also if you have that guy's number you should briefly apologize)
No. 413647
File: 1558632972251.jpg (Spoiler Image,568.46 KB, 1255x1998, William-Adolphe_Bouguereau_(18…)
I'm turning 50 next week & I have never had sex. I've had one serious relationship, but I never allowed it become sexual. Simply never had a strong urge to do it, still don't. Living in a small town, word got out I'm a virgin. The oldest virgin they've ever known which is hilarious to think about.
No. 413649
>>413621I know it's super hard anon.
I got over my insecurities by looking at it like I've got nothing to lose.
Like if it's true that I don't look as nice irl than I do in my photos, then the worst that happens is that the tinder guy isn't into me and we don't go on a second date. I've lost nothing and it's the same as before.
Imo, it's a great litmus test for a guy to take notice that many women aren't going to look the same as flattering, cherry picked sets of pictures than how they do on the day to day. At least it lets me know a guy is more realistic and isn't going to do stupid entitled shit like expect my face and hair to be made up everyday for mundane tasks.
I know you're bummed and a stranger online telling you it doesn't matter isn't going to make you feel better immediately, but it really doesn't matter.
No. 413672
This happened a while ago but this shit still pisses me off. My best friend and I had a falling out with some other friends and at the end of it all, I blocked those girls. It was a lot less about them looking at my shit than it was preventing me from snooping (because I loooove to snoop) and seeing shit I don't like and it upsetting me. Whatever, life goes on, I have other shit to deal with than some bitches that aren't my friends anymore.
Fast forward, like half a year after our initial falling out, months after I've blocked these girls, and my best friend messages me furious after seeing one of them unfriended her (she didn't block them). I tell her to block them and she says "nah, I don't care enough about them to give them a reason to talk shit about me" but clearly you do if one of them just unfriending you without saying anything made you this upset? I don't get why she won't just block them. She thought it was unnecessary that I blocked them, but I'm the one who's unmiffed 6 months later while she's upset over being unfriended lol. We spent months bitching back and forth about them, but at some point I felt like we were beating a dead horse. I've got so much other shit on my fucking plate, I don't care about some nobodies and their weird cliqueness anymore! She doesn't just do it about these girls either, she does it about of bunch of other friends we (meaning mostly she, since she was closer to them than I was, but I also took offense because she's my best friend and I did think they were being unrightfully mean/rude to her) are no longer friends with. I unfriended/blocked all of them and I've never looked back, but my best friend will find some fucking way to bring them up into a conversation and it devolved into a two hour session rehashing all the mean shit they've done for like the hundredth time. I'm so over it lol. We haven't really been talking recently (I asked for space for other reasons), but I feel bad because I actually like not having to talk to her and inevitably also deal with this garbage.
No. 413675
>>409711Update, it's been week and half and my body dysphoria is getting out of hand to the point that I can't stand anyone looking at me for more than a minute or else I feel like they are judging me (even when my lovely mom looks while speaking to me I feel like crying).I've been sleeping on some days for more than 20 hours at a time, started having suicidal thoughts and I've started to purge again, today I vomited more than 10 times.
I feel like I'am so grotesque and hideous, I can't even look at myself in the mirror.
No. 413689
>>413647This is based if true
>>413646Are you Australian or something?
No. 413694
>>413647Please be true. This is probably a joke post but I've recently turned 29 and I'm a KHV.
Sometimes I'm bothered by it, most of the times I'm okay with it. It just seems to be one of those things that are supposed to happen and well, I never reached that point.
I don't know why but I wish there was something like a wizardchan just for women who do not want to have sex. I'll just pretend that the poster was being truthful.
No. 413768
File: 1558653384315.png (62.72 KB, 500x363, pseudoscience-starter-pack-qua…)
I'm sick of my moms natural healing shit. When I was a teen I had a medical condition that required a lot of monitoring. I just learned from my dad that if my insurance didn't require doctor visits my mom would have gone with natural healing. I didn't have a small condition like glasses growing up, I had diabetes. I would be fucking dead if my mom took her health guru approach. I've always knew my mom was a bit of a health nut, my dad had to force her to take me to a derm for my eczema, but the insurance thing was the straw that broke the camels back for me.
I recently talked to her and she mentioned she had a cavity. She isn't going to take it to the dentist, but she's going to try some natural stuff to cure it, oil pulling. I heard you can die from an untreated cavity and I don't really care at this point.
No. 413773
>>413697Actually, I wanted to post something related to stigma of BPD in the unpopular opinions thread because I'm seeing a lot of posts like this on this website and every fucking where else. People like you seem to be thinking BPD is some disease that defines a person instead of seeing them as people WITH bpd. Honestly, it makes you a bit the same as an ableist (not calling you that, I don't know you behind your screen of course) and people like that. They are all looking at them as monsters, not realizing the one seeing them as monsters are the monsters themselves. May I suggest you the book I am legend?
I too have been stalked by a person who had the same mindset as you. Except this person wouldn't leave me alone and I begged them to just leave me be, crazy or not. I did a test and I had no bpd, and it didn't necessarily relieved me, in fact moment he let me know what that is made me angrier, because I realized nobody is kind to the people with mental problems, as if your shit is any better?
To stick with the theme of this website, kind of funny (not really) Venus gets whiteknighted because of her BPD and uncool people like peter or whatever his name is get humiliated, everywhere. I don't like him or even know who he is but it just reminded me how BPD can be a way to call a person they don't like crazy out of projection, as it always has been.
No. 413787
>>413773hi anon, i'm the op you replied to. I know I'm 100% biased on this subject, I don't believe this to be the norm tbqh.
they were people with BPD, as in, I've forgiven many things about my ex best friend and my grandma bc I realized and reflected on their pasts and history with abuse and know that they're
victims of circumstance and genuinely can't help the things they do, that they, too, hurt from their poor choices and severed relationships caused by BPD. despite how destructive she was I adore and love my grandma still and I wouldn't be the person I am today without some of her influence, and I was glad to find out my ex BPDfriend got the therapy and treatment she desperately needed, and that she'd suffered a lot from her family situation (which likely caused her BPD).
but jesus fucking christ I also want to be allowed to be angry that these people abused me and did shitty things to me and my family and for years and years I had to bottle it all the fuck up and act like it wasn't wrong and I wasn't angry bc I "knew better". FUCK THAT!!!! I am allowed to be angry!!!! My shitfriend fucking gaslit me and used me and treated me like utter shit for 5 years and made me believe it was all super normal and that this was just the way I was meant to be treated for the rest of my life, I legit didn't see her abuse as abuse bc I was so deep within the gaslighting that I thought being talked to like I was mentally fucking retarded despite being a teenager with a functioning brain was not only NORMAL but something I DESERVED. And I try to be sympathetic with them bc I know they hurt and that they genuinely can't fucking help it, but I'll be goddamned if I don't still want to cry remembering how much this person made me feel like I was worthless, useless shit for NO reason at all, and they fucking got away with all the sympathy bc muh bpd. I just want to say I'm angry and wary of people with a disease who repeatedly made my life shit without mental health whiteknights reminding me of their poor feefees. yes I fucking know they can't help it that's why I posted it on an anon vent thread and not reddit.
No. 413792
>>413787You are kind of a piece of shit.
One of my abusers was schizophrenic. I don't hate schizo people for what he alone did, I hate him alone, even if multiple schizo people abused me, they themselves are abusers alone and no other person with or without schizophrenia deserves to be penalized because of someone else. You should educate yourself about bpd, plenty of people have it and are just fine friends etc. Be more compassionate.
No. 413793
>>413773Honestly this. I agree so much. People think BPD has only one manifestation and that is the sufferer being a monster and a sociopathic, turbulent, impulsive piece of shit. I don't agree at all, there's many manifestations that are strictly dependent on the person suffering with this mental illness. I've met people that developed it because obviously they were abused in their childhood but I found out that behind their turbulence and emotional instability and anger they were actually very sensible and artistic compassionate people with a lot of feelings but they just hated themselves too much and couldn't contain their anger. I also feel like BPD has been overly diagnosed in the past years and a lot of people that are diagnosed with it are actually just sociopaths or have other personality disorder like histrionic for example. The stigma doesn't help at all and it's a bit unfair to the people that have this personality disorder but are in fact very compassionate individuals.
Also, the way it is pictured online and the way it was transformed into a literal aesthetic doesn't help.
>>413697Maybe you should talk about this to your therapist, holding a grudge against anyone that has this personality disorder is understable in your situation since you just want to protect yourself but over-generalizations are not good for your psyche either.
No. 413829
File: 1558661966232.jpeg (71.09 KB, 1024x760, CCD5D171-B340-486E-B6B6-2B6C1E…)
I’ve been working as a prostitute for almost two years and I still have another ~£15k to earn before I can quit. I can conceivably earn this amount in five/six weeks if I really exhaust myself but I just wanna be out of this industry immediately so fucking bad, it honestly hurts. I don’t wanna work tomorrow or the rest of the month. I don’t want to have sex with nasty males who treat me like a piece of meat ;-;
No. 413843
>>413792if they’re a piece of shit then you’re a bumbling retard bc all that post was about is how they were mistreated by a BPDfag who manipulated people into thinking they were the
victim, and your first response is “wHhhhh stop being so mean”? way to expose yourself as a BPDfag first of all, and second of all, when someone clarifies something and backs down the way anon did, you don’t have to continue being cunty for no fucking reason…
…unless you have BPD. considering the fact that normal people don’t get that defensive and uppity about it. go get some help.
No. 413857
File: 1558666076811.png (144.11 KB, 268x335, tumblr_oskmaa5nfF1uvgsnao3_400…)
>>413829anon i'm sorry, i know you can do it, i hope the best for you! lest hope you can stop working doing someting so dangerus
No. 413864
Due to emotional abuse throughout my teen years revolving around my body, I honestly don't ever think I am going to be able to have a sexual experience and actually enjoy it. As of lately anytime things with my boyfriend go sexual all I can ever think about is that he's judging my body, he's secretly suffering from how awful my body is, he's had better, etc etc. It's getting tiring, I've been with him for 5 years and I keep getting this feeling anytime our conversations go sexual. I just can't do this anymore, I don't think I'll ever in my life be able to do anything sexual with someone without going into intense panic about how shitty my body is, how I'm not slim enough, how my boobs and butt aren't big/round/perky enough, how "he's had better" etc.
Im probably going to break up with him soon, my body dysmorphia is pushing me to want to just bathe in acid I can't stand myself, I can't look at myself, there are times we're I've literally had panic attacks and went batshit and started vomitted, breaking mirrors, cutting, etc just because of how awful I feel when I see my body. I've had panic attacks and literally almost drove my car off in attempt to kill myself on several occasions just because of what body dysmorphia does to me. I just want to be put out of my misery, I can't, I don't even think he has a clue because anytime I even remotely hint I'm anything less than happy go lucky he pretty much just gives up on helping me or accuses me of hiding things, each day I'm getting worse than worse and killing myself is looking better and better each day
No. 413872
>>413864Don't throw away your relationship because of your insecurities. He obviously likes your body or he wouldn't still want to have sex with you. I hate it when people say this, but have you thought about seeing a therapist? Medication should help, too. It doesn't cure BDD but it does help control the impulses you are describing.
>>413829I'm curious, anon, why do you need to keep selling yourself? What is the money for?
No. 413883
File: 1558671262173.jpg (77.97 KB, 540x542, soap.jpg)
I learned about some haunting shit I can't un-learn about recently, and I've been thinking about it for a while.
It doesn't connect in my mind that people who abuse animals, children, etc don't get caught, and that they continue their practices. Like, realistically, I know they still do it, that some of them get away with it (the Dutroux affair, those freaks who make crush videos and haven't been identified, the people in Kero's animal abuse community who still haven't been arrested, etc) and that there are plenty of them running around to this day, but I can't allow myself to fully believe it or else I might actually fall apart. I have to tell myself "They're all in jail now. Everything I'm hearing about is old information, it's all in the past. The reason I even know about this is because they were caught, in fact. The person describing this is probably law enforcement. No one really does this. I've never passed someone by in the street who could've done such a thing. It doesn't happen that often. Swear. If they're still doing it, they will be caught soon. They can't just be known about like this".
The internet might be a curse. I think you can only live a truly peaceful life if you've never been exposed to certain knowledge, and I understand that now. I respect their work, but I can't understand how police officers (and members of legal systems in general) can involve themselves with such things without becoming suicidal/homicidal unless they are that exact kind of abusive monster. And like, I know it's something in those people's brains, but how can it be considered "inhumane" to just fucking euthanize them? How is it "inhumane" to disable a system that lacks the necessary amount of humanity to not cause suffering to others? No one can explain. It just is. Anyone who believes humans should be awarded absolute, unconditional sovereignty and mercy is either a painfully naive idiot who should not be writing laws, or they're just protecting themselves because they know their asses would be next on the chopping black.
It's crushing how powerless we are in the grand scheme of things, and it makes me wish our entire species would just end. This world shouldn't exist. There's some good people, but it's like in general, we can't treat each other well, we can't treat other species well, and we can't treat our surroundings well. We just destroy everything and everyone that's good beyond repair. Sometimes, I wish I could just push a button to end it all, because there's so much shit that needs to be fixed (or just erased), and none of it will probably ever be resolved. All I can do is distract myself and try to live "normally".
No. 413894
>>413799I have BPD (the self harming, punching walls, good ole self sabotaging kind) and I 100% support your opinion.
In the past year I’ve also been hurt the most by “friends” with BPD.
I didn’t expect it because they were the “uwu I’m so smol and nice and fragile. please don’t call me out on my hurtful selfish behavior because that’s gas lighting how I saw the situation.”
It’s fucking awful being on the receiving end of a self victimizing BPD type, they’ll want to hang out all the time but put in 0 work in the friendship and leech off a stronger person’s personality for their own gain.
I have some ex BPD friends who I love to this day but can’t be close to (we’re both just very sensitive), and they were the over sharing, emotionally unstable, insecure, substance abusing types, but they were fun and lovely.
The quiet, needy, self centered types are the life ruining ones.
No. 413902
>>413890(samefag)
another thing that really got me down with this case was my sister's attitude towards it.she seemed "pissed" at the girl and said something like "why couldnt she kill herself in private and subjected all those people around her in getting traumatised" and both my mom and i tried to explain to her that you cant think straight and logically when you're in a bad state like that and she insisted which really bothered me.not only because it's a really cold way to think this way but also because i have had bad thoughts of dying at the same place that young girl did(it's a railway station and she jumped at the tracks)at a time i was pretty depressed bc of personal reasons and it's hurtful to hear my sister say things like "im pro-killing oneself just not in public".one of the reasons i didnt attempt anything too extreme at the worse times of my life was because i didnt want anyone to end up traumatised forever(despite my mind telling me that it wouldnt be that bad for them)let alone my little sister
the only "good" thing about my sis being that "heartless" about the matter is that she seemingly hasnt felt that bad in her life so she cant relate to the situation and i wish she wont.hopefully she will develop a more empathetic attitude as she grows up and it's just her immaturity and lack of experience talking
No. 413912
>>413897You can, though. But the way you do it, matters the most. For example, saying BPDfag is just insulting and I hate it when people say schizo as well. It is with negative intention, projecting 80% of the time and just to bully plain. Evidence is everywhere for latter argument. And just like that you may have had bad experience with BPD, I have had a very bad experience with people who think using derogatory slurs like BPDfag/schizo is normal. (I explained it in my first post)
Many of the symptoms of mental problems overlap anyways. It's in reality very difficult to have a textbook severely depressed daughter/friend/etc… as well, and could in fact be very traumatizing, I guess that it's not portrayed as an illness as evol as BPD so you won't say slurs related to depression to make fun of people or cows as maybe it hits a nerve of your own that is aware enough for it may not be a problem you're ashamed of, who knows.
No. 413921
>>413792Nobody deserves friendship, and anon is free to chose who she wants to spend time with. It sucks, but bpd is a
valid reason not to befriend someone, just like every other reason is.
I at least prefer that people who are vary of bpd avoid me, over being friends who are scared of me. That isn't fair to any of us.
No. 413922
>>413697I understand you so well. I think it's 100%
valid to be wary of BPD people in your case. My mom is a witch bpd type, and she completely destroyed my brother (he committed suicide), and made me numb to everything. I can't even trust a normal person, much less someone with bpd. I am sorry for your grandma and ex-friend, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in what you feel.
I also hope every bpd person will be able to heal and have a peaceful, happy life, but I still do not want to be close to them.
No. 413949
File: 1558692915229.png (23.73 KB, 300x250, YLHQemfkxz-10.png)
I am so sick of this country, I cannot believe Theresa May resigned at a time like this. I feel sick just thinking about what the hell is going to happen and how much worse we can make it. FFS.
No. 413957
>>413949I feel u anon, I wouldn't vote Conservative or Labour, but I didn't mind TM being the PM to oversee Brexit. She is a remainer and the other MPs that keep voting down deal after deal are doing my fucking head in. It won democratically and we can spend another 4 years arguing about the merits of the arguments that compounded to people's bias on how to vote but the turn out was fucking awful and it would be undemocratic to revoke sonethibf legally voted on.
UK is fucked and I'm annoyed I might end up living in a new Ireland lol, the Irish government is wank too and I could give a fuck about my ancestors.
No. 413980
>>413968That's a rough week alright, do you have any close friends you can contact? This sounds like you need to just watch some stupid TV with a friend and eat comfort food. Even if you do that all alone but just get to call a friend for a bit first?
Maybe text your ex once more just saying that if he wants to talk things over then to get in touch because you're worried about him, but also mention that you're going to try to keep busy this weekend so you might not respond immediately. Turn your phone off and try to ignore it when you finally settle down for the night, so that you aren't fixating on waiting for him to message.
No. 414011
>>413996Those that were eligible to vote and actually turned up (turnout was less than 50% if I remember) idk how a vote like Brexit was the time to protest a vote it was simple in or out it wasn't like we were protesting shite candidates. It was a lawful vote set to the public. Yes there was some wild propaganda propagated but there was counter arguments and you don't know what each individual discusses with peers. I had several peers tell me they voted Leave because of the Middle East, when stating their not European migrants the concept was lost. They don't know the difference between economic migrants and refugees.
It's shit Leave won but the millions that voted and won, how can you discredit their vote and tell them their vote doesn't count? That's an awful precedent.
No. 414045
File: 1558716129418.png (681.78 KB, 693x1024, 1558571598786.png)
Today is a horrible fucking day.
I got my period and I am disgustingly broken out and feel bloated and rotten. I drove to work even though I normally walk, but our office parking lot was full (there's only 12 reserved spaces) and I had to park on the street with the meter. Just went down to feed the meter and it was 2 minutes passed expired and the cocksucking city fucking wrote me a ticket. The guy was sitting in a van a few spaces ahead and had the nerve to open his door and tell me "might as well leave it there, they can't give you another one!" And I just ignored him because fuck your gay ass and then he said "What, just trying to save you money!" Yeah cocksucker, trying to save me money by giving me a $30.00 ticket for a two minute violation which is the equivalent of like $0.02
Not to mention I've had the hot liquid shits all morning so on top of my foul skin and even fouler demeanor I feel absolutely revolting like a walking human canker sore.
No. 414067
>>414061I am sorry. I think I know the feeling, though not because of Junji Ito. I hate feeling emotionally poisoned by some
toxic content.
Personally I found the manga (Spiral/Uzumaki if anyone is interested) so fucking stupid I could not believe it's the ~horror masterpiece~ people were talking about. Guess I was just lucky enough to not be affected by this type of surreal horror.
Sidenote, but I hope you are exaggerating the PTSD thing and not saying it seriously…
No. 414093
>>414067>>414075everyone froths Uzumaki but Tomie is where it's at. the art just gets progressively more amazing and she's an absolute bad bitch unit. you might prefer it?
Don't read The Window Next Door though, that shit haunts me to this day and I have NO IDEA WHY. "The Inn" is a nice spooky one not nearly as skin crawling.
If you wanna purge your system completely of the ~nasty stuff read Nana, it's 0% supernatural, slice-of-life, amazing characters and all about female friendship and shit. does get super sad but wont do your head in.
No. 414095
File: 1558726689658.jpg (61.89 KB, 500x724, nananana.jpg)
>>414093samfag sorry, Nana by Ai Yazawa*
The anime is a bit more condensed/fucking gorgeous but more happens in the manga.
p.s. if anyone knows more similar shit to this plz tell me, I'm getting pickier as I become an ancient weeb.
No. 414099
>>414095samefag. i get more picky with mangas and this is mostly why i read so little now.
i like kyoko okazaki's work but it is in bit darker tone but i recommend to any weeb girls that i know. and i wish wore of her works were translated.
No. 414102
>>414095Ai Yazawa forever, anon. If you haven't read ParaKiss and Neighborhood Story, absolutely do.
I work in a comic shop w/ a lot of manga and love manga about adult women, so here come some recs:
-Anything by Moyocco Anno. Some was published in English by Vertical but it's all out of print now unfortunately. Sakuran, Memoirs of Amorous Gentlemen especially, I haven't read Hataraki Man or Happy Mania but people like them too
-Kyoko Okazaki does stuff if you want to see really brutal takedowns of beauty culture. Helter Skelter is the best imho. She was disabled by a hit and run in the 90s so not much output but she was really something special.
-Michiko to Hatchin if you're interested in an anime. I hope Yuri on Ice making Yamamoto a success means she can make more stuff like MtH.
-Erika Sakurazawa
-Fumi Yoshinaga, especially Ooku which is a speculative history about a world where most Japanese men die so women occupy positions of power
-Akiko Higashimura – I like Princess Jellyfish best but Tokyo Tarareba Girls is notable for nothing if than being about the life of thirtysomething women
-
No. 414112
>>414093I love Nana and all but it's not quite a feel-good series… there's the really sad shit we never got closure for, and Hachi's love life always depressed me tbh.
If anon wants to cleanse her palate with manga she should read Yotsubato or something harmless and cute like that.
No. 414175
File: 1558743173817.jpg (567.3 KB, 1907x2383, il_fullxfull.1229116533_1kmt.j…)
>>414174You know what's coming.
It's hard with you living together, but who knows what he's doing elsewhere (secret dating profiles, secret emails, at work, etc.).
He clearly can't be trusted.
No. 414182
>>414178I hadn't really thought about that, but now that you say that it makes sense.
He brought it up, because I deliberately left the texts open on his phone so he'd see them. When I went in the bedroom he said, "Are you really upset with me over something that happened like three years ago?".. His reasoning was that we were going through a hard time and didn't know how to handle it, and he apologized, but fuck dude, I just feel empty now.
No. 414184
>>414174Jesus, and he's been lying to about it that long? No judgment, I just ended an engagement over something really similar, it fucking hurts and it's insane to realize how intense the betrayal of trust is. "Going through a hard time"….yeah that's what my ex said too and it's like, if he fucking respected you like an adult, he would have talked to you. That is such a pissant little baby excuse, you don't go run off to the nearest easy pussy because things got a little hard. Things get hard sometimes for literally every human on earth, you don't break someone's trust like that. And using photos of you stuff……ughhhhh
You already know you shouldn't have snooped but I get it, the doubt creeps in and when you know he won't admit to it…I get it. Don't beat yourself up for that. You've been fucked over enough.
No. 414189
File: 1558747675306.jpg (359.57 KB, 960x1089, 1501091204026.jpg)
Today I asked mom if she would help me with a sewing project. I asked if she was busy, and she said no. Simply I wanted to take her with me to the fabric store so I could work on a chiffon cape for an outfit I'm planning to wear tomorrow.
I knew I had to gather the fabric around some d-ring or loop, add hem tape, and press the fabric.
It wasn't this giant to-do at all, but I did want to make sure it was kind of nice because there's no point wearing the $300 dress with something sloppy. I had to get mom involved because I never learned how to sew and knew I needed the machine for the hem, which I didn't know how to operate. Thought it would just be easier to ask her, but that was a mistake.
The day started out fine enough. I mean she was reluctant to go with me in the car to the fabric store because of ~*~driving in traffic~*~ (which didn't matter because she wasn't driving), but I managed to pull her out of the house. We arrived at the fabric store and I bought the stuff I needed for around $60ish with no issues. She bought a few trinkets for her neighbors.
I treated us to lunch.
I mentioned how I was planning on driving to the coast due to the nice weather for a beach day and if she wanted to come with me this weekend. She seemed to like that.
On the way back as I was driving us, she started to criticize me. For any reason? No. She's just gotta fill dead air with the sound of her own words. About my job (still shaming me for not wanting to be a lawyer and how it's my fault that employers don't pay with my degrees), ex relationship (it's my fault for dating a user which set me back at home when I broke up with him), shaming me for being back at home in general and how she's not meant to support me "in my 30s and 40s" (I'm 27..)…she just went on, and on, and on. She never seems to realize when she's said enough and that she isn't helpful or supportive in negging me. Maybe it's because she's retired and doesn't do anything else, ergo she has nothing fresh to talk about. Regardless whenever she talks to me it always loops back to being critical of me. I'm so tired of it.
No matter how many times I tell her how what she says antagonizes and upsets me she never changes her act.
I was just trying to have a good day with her. I wasn't looking to get lectured over shit I couldn't have changed today as I was driving my god damn car down the highway.
By the time I got us home she was satisfied for having given her special lecture once again, and I had since calmed down.
So I asked her for part two of what I thought she agreed she would help me with: That is, help me gather and sew the hem on the cape.
She complained and whined and hawed, "What? You want this done by tomorrow?"
One of the reasons why I never learned how to sew is because in the past when I was younger I'd get as far as buying fabric. Yet the fabric bag would get shoved into a corner and she would never follow through. She'd make promises of tomorrows, next weeks, and maybe laters but never show me how to do shit.
She was angry at me this time because I was actually holding her to the fire when she didn't actually want to help me. She wanted to retreat back into her bedroom to watch Youtube all day. Smoke cigarettes. She wanted me to throw the chiffon in the corner "for later" so she'd never have to bother with showing me again like before.
Well, I'm here typing because what a shitfest it turned into. She kept complaining at me because I was doing this "last minute" and hence I shouldn't expect anything nice.
I was getting anxious because she didn't allow me to cut away the loose ends and selvage fray and holes. She went straight to hastily gathering the fabric at two corners without checking to see if they were even. I kept bringing it up but she kept telling me to shut up.
"This isn't gonna be like the Taj Mahal so stop whining."
"Nobody is going to be looking at the details of this so it doesn't matter anyway."
"I can't believe you're giving me so much grief over this stupid little thing."
She graciously showed me how to thread a needle, as if I didn't already know how to do that. She ordered me to try to plunge the needle straight through several layers of chiffon a bunch of times for the gather.
She took over because I infuriated her further by asking if we could have a better technique using the machine, which she still hadn't retrieved from the closet. She wound up cutting off my work and redoing it.
It was almost like she was pissed off I wouldn't just accept shoddy hand sewing the entire cape so I could do it by myself and she could be off the hook.
I wanted to cry. Her "needlework" looked like something out of Frankenstein's nightmare. It had no rhyme or reason. The thread looks all over the place. I was so disappointed because I could tell all she cared about was rushing through something that was kinda important to me in order to…go back to doing nothing.
Then she started hysterically screaming, crying, and yelling at me when she could hear the disappointment in my voice–which was not cheery at this point.
"Am I not doing this for you? Don't you ever think about me?! Stop criticizing how I'm trying to help you. Maybe I'm not in the mental headspace for this right now! How sad is it that I have to turn to other people for love because I can't get it out of my cold unfeeling daughter! Now you made me cry!"
She became unhinged, but finished her sewing the fabric onto the rings.
All because I wanted a little say in the quality of the things I just spent money on and wanted to look nice in.
Next was the hem, which she proceeded to cuss and holler at the machine. I could tell she was really bothered that she had to set up the sewing machine and that she was really hoping to get out of it. At least she showed me some of it, finally. She did the top and bottom hem in a zigzag stitch. After that I told her not to worry about anything else and that I'd do it. I cut off the loose fray and random threads, and then pressed it.
We got back to the house shortly after 2pm and we were done with the cape a bit before 4pm, which could have been shorter if she hadn't been screaming at me or having me do something redundant for the first 20 minutes.
The cape looks alright, but upon closer look it is unevenly gathered. The back doesn't plunge as much as I was going for. But I dare not bring any of it up for fear of more admonishments and guilt tripping.
She came in later and apologized for being "emotional."
Then she asked if I would proofread her cover letter for a position that she's applying to. And do this for her, and do that for her.
But if I say once that "I don't feel like it," she'll whoop and holler like I've never done shit for her.
She's so one-sided and abusive.
She snarkingly said afterward "Still wanna take me to the beach?" Like what am I gonna say.
No? And risk being yelled at further because of how she made me feel?
No. 414192
File: 1558748334227.jpg (15.57 KB, 300x257, RR.jpg)
Today when I came home, some dumb ass old man was having a bitch fit at me while I was trying to back into my drive way. It's a little difficult for me because today was trash day so all the neighbors have their cans everywhere and I have to back in a large car into a tight squeeze between a gate entrance. So I was slowly backing in only to notice I'm not angled right and I won't make it. I needed to pull forward and right, but this dumb ass fucker showed up waiting for me to move so he can drive through the street. He could've waited 2 seconds at the end of the street while I attempt to pull forward and back into my driveway. But instead he inches closer to my car, so i can't have space to move. I end up have to drive away from my house across the street just so this impatient fucker can go. He was honking and making obnoxious hand gestures. Then when I finally get out of the way, he speeds off so fast his wheels screech. Why are people so fucking annoying lmao. Dude probably has a miserable life.
No. 414193
>>414192What I literally do not and will not ever understand is how old people have the energy to be so selfish and nasty.
Not that every old person is like this by any means, but those that are nasty, like, I'm tired after I take a shower. I certainly wouldn't have the energy at 76 to bitch out random strangers and generally act like a bratty 17 yo.
No. 414199
>>414189>She's just gotta fill dead air with the sound of her own words. Preemptive strike this with music?
You have a lot of awareness of your mom's quirks. Combined with your introspective nature it's going to end well I think.
(my apologies I'm drunk and love your rant cause it's about sewing and my mom's a quilter and we're moderately discordant)
No. 414205
>>414203>druggie Erm, I'll have to stop you there because by 'user' I meant someone who financially used me and was an emotional vampire. I guess maybe not entirely your fault, I was really torn between 'user' or 'loser' but felt he used me more than anything.
>underachieve I mean I have up to a master's degree and I'm doing really great at my current job. It's just not stable, and the cost of living is high enough where I need to get something that pays even slightly higher in order to move out comfortably.
But then guess what happens to me?
My stepdad who's been married to my mom for 20 years decides to up and tell me one night that he's cheating on my mom and to not tell. Whatever. I tell her. Mom boots him out. Yet because she doesn't make enough on retirement, she can't refinance the house without my income.
Mom has to be separated from stepdad for a certain amount of time before filing for divorce.
She's asked me to co-own the house.
You might call our relationship co dependent.
Fuck my life.
No. 414247
File: 1558769797264.jpg (480.36 KB, 750x628, 1556814823643.jpg)
I have accepted that I will take my own life and no one will care about me since I barely talk to anyone, even my family.
Im so sorry moma for giving birth to me, I know you never wanted me. You even said it to me. I wont cause any suffering. I have distanced myself from you in order to live a shit life and die slowly. Maybe next time.
No. 414255
File: 1558773585791.png (95.87 KB, 1176x336, mgjc.png)
I was going on a trip down memory lane about games I played when I was younger. A lot of them were early western visual novels put out by the Lemmasoft/RenPy (a visual novel engine) community. Even though I kind of dropped my interest in western visual novels around 2013 for whatever reason, most of my formative, pre-teen years in the earlier end of the 2000s were spent just lurking that community, playing random games (some not-so-age appropriate), being inspired by all the creators and dreaming about making my own visual novel someday (I really just bullshitted around in Python). Part of the reason I'm the person I am today is because of heavy exposure to all the otaku-oriented and general "weeb" content, and this was a big part of it. It definitely wasn't the most mentally healthy or child-safe environment for someone my age, but it made me happy. It still does, though not in the exact same way (or to the same extent, now that I've grown up and become critical of the more questionable elements therein).
One of the more popular guys in the community was a developer who went by the handle "mugenjohncel". He was behind a lot of projects and made plenty of OC, including a parody of "The Question" called "The Fucking Question". I never played it, but I did play another of his works called "Lucy's Revenge", and was aware of his presence.
I pretty much forgot about everything until today. I just found out that on April 24th, mugenjohncel made his last post on Twitter. He announced that he'd had a stroke that rendered him paralyzed from the neck down, was giving up, and thanked the community for the moments.
It's really fucking depressing to find out that this happened to one of the many devs/artists I quietly admired as a child. I feel so sad checking out the rest of his Twitter or going through Wordpress blog for the first time and learning things about him (he used to collect Sailor Moon merchandise, he is/was a weed enthusiast and even made a kinetic novel explaining the history of marijuana and its legality, he used to do what looked like architecture work, he used to be a /jp/ poster, he put out a nice amount of free backgrounds for people to use at will, there were some projects from around 2018 that will most likely go unfinished indefinitely now, etc). I'm sure he'd like to be remembered in a happier light, but going through all this stuff, it feels like I'm walking through a cemetery.
This was a shock, and I almost regret going on this little nostalgia trip at all. It makes me wonder what happened to all the other people behind the things I was fascinated with as a kid. I hope they're okay, and I hope things get better for Mugen, too. He seems like a genuinely kind person.
No. 414281
>>414273please let him know you took the painkillers just in case. We are all "used" women. Many women are sex workers, have slept with 100 men recreationally or just their own partners hundreds of times. They are bodies that constantly heal and replenish themselves. You are not dirtied from a shit you had 5 years ago, neither are you dirtied from a penis that went near you at any point. It's just body parts and people.
I'm sorry you were raped and that useless pieces of shit are trying to make YOU feel bad about it. The only person who should feel bad is the fuckin' rapist.
No. 414288
>>414249It's part of the irrational way she tries to guilt trip and shame.
Doesn't matter if what she says to me doesn't make sense, what matters is if in the moment it illicits an emotional reaction and makes me feel bad.
Kind of like how I treated her to lunch and invited her to go to the beach with me, but literally an hour later accuses me of never thinking about her as if I treat her like a sewing Cinderella.
No. 414290
I love my boyfriend's mom. She's been so caring and helpful to me. Growing up with a narcissistic mother who did everything she could to keep me feeling like I wasn't enough, it felt like a breath of fresh air to finally have a mother figure in my life to ensure me everything is okay and I have been through enough. She helped me escape from my mom by allowing me to move in with her and my boyfriend only after a few months of us dating. She lets me know if I ever need someone to talk to, even if she's at work or sleeping, she'll always be there for me. When my mom started harassing and threatening me after I moved farther away from my parents house, she helped me break all contact with my mom by letting me get a phone under their line. I told her I would pay my part of the phone bill and everything and she just said, "Pay however much feels comfortable and you don't need to hurry, you guys need to focus on settling in your house first."
It just feels so nice. To finally have freedom. I don't feel like I need to put my parents first before my own spouse. I've had my family members try to tell me I need to forgive my mother and how she loves me unconditionally and it just leaves me feeling gross. I can't forgive someone who's put me into debt over the course of a week and told me I have to pay for my friends' bad behavior who were defending me. I just can't. Someone who manipulates me like that doesn't deserve my trust.
Of course she's my mother, but she can't act like she's never cut out her own siblings out of her life, so I can do this too. My boundaries are my own and no one can change them except for myself. I'm already traumatized by an abusive ex I broke up with 6 years ago and still trying to get used to the anxiety and panic attacks. I need my time to heal, I need my space to heal, and she can't respect that. Anyways. I love my boyfriend's mom, I'm so grateful to have met an amazing man, she raised him well.
No. 414291
>>414273Tell her to go fuck herself next time and walk away. I know it sounds difficult but just don't think and speak the words. Also tell your husband.
She's a hateful, jealous bitch. Your rational side must realize this.
No. 414294
File: 1558789053585.jpg (7.26 KB, 250x228, 1555555895050.jpg)
>>414260it's far too late for me anon
No. 414297
>>414294ntayrt
I'm sorry you feel your time on Earth must end. A lot of us are just sticking around to appease others. If you don't have people keeping you on Earth, what is the point. I understand.
But if you can bear it, stick around and take life one day at a time. Don't think about tomorrow or yesterday, just this moment.
I think, "yes life sucks, but right now I'm eating chips and watching TV and it's good."
If you must leave the Earth, good luck anon, I hope the next life/world/existence is filled with beauty for you.
No. 414310
>>414306I will block by tomorrow I just want to see any messages and not respond for now and thank you anon
I'm 24 but I feel like my world is crashing down we've been together only 2 years but best friends for 8.
No. 414311
>>414305Imagine being controlled by an appendage. Men are the worst.
Dump him. Not only did he cheat, he obviously has little to no self control. That's applies to more areas than just monogamy.
No. 414316
File: 1558791977628.jpg (26.95 KB, 552x457, C18hjlEXEAI8DVU.jpg)
I have such major anxiety centered around money and it's exemplified now that I'm living on my own for the first time. Every time I go to the grocery store I feel immense guilt for buying any food that isn't 100% necessary. I looked at my bank statements and realized that I only spend around 5-6 euros per day on food which I guess is pretty normal but I still can't stop worrying over how much I'm spending. I fucking hate feeling like this, I can't wait to be out of uni and working a full time job so at least I'll have a steady income instead of relying on my savings.
No. 414325
>>414311>>414318I know this is fucked up but I want to hurt his feelings really really badly. I don't feel ignoring him is enough, I want to break his heart. Is ignoring that effective?
I really thought he a genuinely good person but I was so so wrong.
Thanks for your words guys, I love you anons
I feel too sick to tell my irl friends I can't speak properly
No. 414334
File: 1558794075225.png (121.74 KB, 540x540, tumblr_pqy9d3qGw21tmwu1z_540.p…)
>drink water to get hydrated
>end up crying and becoming dehydrated all over again
>have tongue in mouth that's surrounded by teeth and is temperature-sensitive
>can accidentally bite your fucking tongue with these same teeth, or get burned if you underestimate the power of a drink or food
>trauma is heritable - you can have nothing happen to you and still somehow feel the pain of something that happened in your family line
>you can be born with a brain or body that functions poorly in all sorts of ways, and it will just keep going, making your life a living hell until it shorts out, you learn to cope with it or you self-destruct
>you are a perpetual result of your caregiver's actions - whatever unresolved issues they have, it will determine how they raised you, from your feelings to your physical development
>there is no "mental default" you can switch back to, so you can't be a clean slate again if they did a horrible job, you have to clean up the mess they made of your mental and all physical development
>there is no kill switch for abusive parents, and since humans have the capacity to unironically believe a nuclear family is an optimal system, healthier inhabitants of the community cannot (or will not) step in and compensate for poor parenting unless the damage is so bad that a higher authority decides to take you away (and by then it may be too late)
Why is it that everybody acknowledges the social clown world, but not the biological clown world? Why is our species like this? In fact, none of the bad social things would be happening if we weren't given so much leeway to fuck up and be so poor-quality. We even have nonsensical, useless features inside our body (like wisdom teeth, or having appendixes that may explode and kill us). Could transhumanism be the answer after all? Mother Nature has cucked us so hard.
No. 414347
>>414325What ever you do, he'll just spin it as you being a crazy ex
Just ignore him and never talk to him again
No. 414377
>>414347>>414331>>414328You guys are so right. I am just going to ignore him. I was his main support system, and now he's alone.
>especially the type who tell you about it themselvesI did actually make him tell me what was up but the same applies because he would've anyway
When he gets back though we're both definitely going to be at the same event. I brought this beautiful reformation dress for when he comes back (before I knew he was a piece of shit), I'm going to wear it and make myself look like the best version of me AND take a new date (hopefully lol).
I am not even going to look at him unless he directly comes to me in which case he can say hi to my date. I hope he feels like shit and our mutual friends look down on him.
I actually feel a little better thinking about it. Thanks so much guys.
No. 414443
>>414397Wait you say you are a 6/10 on a good day, we all use good pics, yet can't get a chad-tier man on a dating app even though both 5/10 and 6/10 women can find handsome men there?
Since you say you have good hygiene and dress nicely what exactly is unattractive about you and how do you become a 6/10?
No. 414487
File: 1558815361312.jpg (24.65 KB, 355x297, 3 iq.jpg)
I recently broke up with my boyfriend because of my body dysmorphia.
I started a medication that made me gain a little bit of weight but I became obsessed and my confidence completely dropped to the negatives. I began to refuse seeing my boyfriend because I felt disgusting and I didn't want him to see how gross I looked. He got frustrated (of course) and we broke off. I know it's completely my fault since I rejected seeing him for nearly a month and a half because of my new illness and medication but I wish he understood how mentally screwed I was.
I know this probably belongs in a weightloss thread but no matter what I always feel fat. My BMI is around 19 and seeing others with higher BMIs that don't work out looking thinner than me makes me extremely depressed. My friends tell me that I'm fine and quite slim but no matter what I can't see it (unless I've been drinking). I think I might have body dysmorphia but it sounds quite dramatic. It's definitely affecting my life in what I do since I don't go outside much anymore since I feel too fat and disgusting to go out. Fuck I am so irrational!
No. 414520
>>414518That's actually really cute that he feels guilty. I'm sorry about the assault and the reasons why you don't watch to watch*.
*It's shit imo and you are missing nothing
No. 414523
>>414520It is nice, he's very caring in that aspect, looking to make sure there's nothing
triggering in stuff we watch.
It's just the genuine upset he had, because he wants to watch these things but can't, it feels like I'm forcing him not to even tho I'm not..
But yeah lol, it seems like absolutely shite
No. 414576
>>414561Damn I remember the drama of being 18/19. Dating older then younger; shady friends. Good times.
Now I'm a middle aged 30 something year old.
No. 414612
To stick with the theme of this general:
>>414611 I honestly hate boomer posters. 25 and above, find something in your life, jesus fucking christ. I am getting older as well and I barely use imageboards, nor do I use websites that are very stupid aside from imageboards, and I grew up, got hobby's n shit. I see drama youtube channels made by fucking women who have kids. The fuck nigga.
No. 414619
>>414612Getting older doesn't magically make you more 'refined' or 'sociable' you know.
I was a shut in weirdo at 15 and I'll be a shut in weirdo when I'm 50. It's just my personality.
No. 414623
>>414621Right? And literally who even gets married by 25 anymore? Like, honestly, most people (regardless of sex) that are career oriented with a busy life aren't out here stressing about being married at 25. And their delusional idea of the difference in mentality for most people between 19 and 25 is insane. Like, obviously you mature and gain experience, but it's not like you no can no longer enjoy things like imageboards. Besides, I think there's a very large difference between someone that's like 27 on /pol/ or r9k or someone that's 27 on here. We don't shitpost bad memes all day. A good about of conversation on /ot/ is about relating to each other and shared experiences.
>>414618Less hilarious to me and more sad, tbh.
No. 414628
File: 1558861152254.png (1.4 MB, 1366x768, 1530634450177.png)
Some american neckbeard that looks like the personification of 4chan just tried for like 5 minutes to convince me that serbo-croatian is my countries language and that no, croatian and serbian are not recognized as different languages.
I get they're extremely similar, but they're still called "serbian" and "croatian".
No. 414641
>>414635Do all farmers seem to just believe that little to no people do much before their 30s. I constantly see it argued that pretty much no one has kids/gets married/has a career before they hit 30 in /ot yet this is so clearly not the case globally
It honestly feels a lot of the time like the over 20s here just view those younger than them as children/teenagers and seem to forget that they’re perfectly capable adults
No. 414643
>>414635Do all farmers seem to just believe that little to no people do much before their 30s. I constantly see it argued that pretty much no one has kids/gets married/has a career before they hit 30 in /ot yet this is so clearly not the case globally
It honestly feels a lot of the time like the over 20s here just view those younger than them as children/teenagers and seem to forget that they’re perfectly capable adults
No. 414647
>>414641Yeah, maybe globally. But it does depend on where you're from. In my country most people marry at 25+, marrying earlier is kind of frowned upon. On the other hand most people do have an okay-ish job starting as young as 19 or 20 and then move up in their early 20s… I think lots of anons just assume their norm is everybody's norm.
But people under 20/early 20s really aren't "perfectly capable adults". At least not on this site kek
No. 414648
>>414641>I constantly see it argued that pretty much no one has kids/gets married/has a career before they hit 30 in /ot yet this is so clearly not the case globally Right, have you even looked at the ages of first marriages? Because the only places where the averages of first marriages for women are like, 19-24 tend to be absolute shitholes.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_age_at_first_marriageMost first world countries have an average age for women of first marriage as being 27-32. For men it's much higher, even. Getting married young is dying as a trend. Out of touch 19 year olds who think 25 year old women are ancient and need to pick up the knitting needles aren't the ones who have their fingers on the pulse of reality here.
No. 414668
>>414619Shut in weirdos are the best.
Let's be shut in weirdos together.
No. 414675
File: 1558871641711.png (48.36 KB, 1196x180, Screen Shot 2019-05-26 at 9.51…)
>>414670I think she's talking about gen Y, aka the people who first got given the internet and have been around since. what salty little cunt lmao "boomers" i.e. ANYONE OLDER THAN ME EWW GROW UP
if you're going to get pissy at this age about people older than you living how they want, 30 is going to hit you like a pile of bricks. enjoy your immaturity, growing up is going to hurt like hell.
also like another anon said, you scared of women? you sound like a tradthot, about to start going on about youth = fertility or some shit. fuck off back to /pol/
No. 414702
>>414672>>414677>>414670I bet the OP is the same anon who cried about women having kids past their mid-30s because they'll be "tired and old".
Maybe in her country people still die of bubonic plague and 30 is considered middle age because nobody gets to live past 50.
No. 414719
File: 1558879792542.jpg (30.45 KB, 415x700, 61036161_10158371567002646_357…)
>>414670meanwhile age-sperg anon doesn't realize the reality is closer to this than their bizarre hateful worldview.
No. 414723
Really really REALLY illuminating, a big thanks to the first anon who embarassed herself and made herself sound like a literal boomer born in 1945.
>>414670Checkmate! Show them! (I hope you're able to detect sarcasm over text?)
>>414669>>414697Anything that isn't teenboppy or forever21 will do. No graphic tees or stuff like that. No clothes that obviously belong in a subcultures only stupid kids join. Neutral, clean and simple.
>inb4 you are all gonna jump on me and say that dyed hair is fineNot gonna write an essay on this specifically anyways.
So yeah, wear normal hair in a natural colour. No visible piercings or visible tattoos. No skinny jeans in a teen way. I wish more pics could be attached because only one picture wouldn't do it. However, to see why you should dress your age is to binge watch hotter than your daughter or something. Don't wanna derail too much and it would require way too much typing but I hope you get the gist.
By the way…I am pretty damn sure that I can recall posts very well about some of the of age cows that they should grow up, dress their age, dress their size, not use this certain makeup brand etc…But if these same words were said to and/or about posters here where venting is in fact encouraged, it is suddenly a bad thing. And to top off it is a very simple popular word everyone these days is aware of yet was taken out of context (not sure if done to troll or not? If so gg) all because there are no real arguments other than an attempt to defend their illusions?
To say it is bad for someone to browse 4channel because it impacted their school work is fine to say, very good even since it seems you care about their grades and likely mental health as well, but to say people over age of 25 who still use imageboards need to grow up and stop being petty, stop being lonely to the point you actually in theory fish for attention like a teen, is a horrible thing to say despite the fact these are all negative attributes that only damage the culprit the most and only the culprit? There is no amount of sugarcoating that would cool you down. I am not speaking for the entire community here, I am addressing everyone who gets hurt if they hear it is not alright to browse 4chan-like places at the age of 25 and above.
But be a cool mom if you want, like I truly care.
>inb4 an anon will say I don't know what a mom meansYeah true I don't know but unironically. Maybe one day, though. :^)
Anyways this shitfest has inspired me to watch some Hotter than your daughter episodes. Do they even still make them, golly gee wilikers I feel so old!
(:^)) No. 414724
>>414644>women stop gossiping after age 25Anon, every old lady I know loves gossip. Every 30 something mother I know loves gossip. Every single and married woman I know loves gossip. Every teenager I know loves gossip. It does not magically go away as you age. I know that's hard to believe since you are still very young. Also,
>boomersMaybe stay off 4chin if you are interested in coming off as more mature.
No. 414731
>>414723"So yeah, wear normal hair in a natural colour. No visible piercings or visible tattoos."
called it. it's a tradthot.
bounce back to /pol/ dipshit lmao
No. 414740
>>414733>Its interesting that there are so many restrictions on older women but men can be gamer boys, be into comics and lust after teen idols when they're 30+ and no one beats an eye.This. The same people who sperg about women needing to drop everything they enjoy like unnatural colored hair and skinny jeans the second they hit their mid twenties would have a full scale autistic meltdown at anyone who suggested a middle aged man having a room dedicated to super hero merch is kinda immature.
Just let people do them jfc.
No. 414741
>>414731Amazing, you must be gifted.
Anyways not a fan of traditional women either.
No. 414751
>>414733It's really naive how they think. People's interests don't stop when they get to a certain age. I'm a married mother and I have the same hobbies that I did as a teenage weeb browsing /cgl/. Most of my friends are the same. The difference is that how we engage in those interests has changed and matured as we have. We got together and started a community crafting group so we still sew and make things. We still play video games only now we do it a lot more casually and as a social activity. I even watch anime sometimes and converted my husband. He had no idea that anime like Cowboy Bepop and Akira existed.
My hobbies aren't the focus of my life like they were when I was a teenager. As an adult I have responsibilities that come first. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy doing the things I used to.
No. 414762
>>414748>>414759Real questions then:
I have never had twitter/instagram/relevant social media. How would I start? I think I get the culture pretty well and could create a persona, but how I advertise it online?
No. 414764
My birthday is next week and I don't know what to do.
In middle school, I always felt so insignificant and while all my well off friends had lavish bar/bat mitzvahs and big birthdays in general, I didn't. I'm not Jewish so of course I never had a bat mitzvah, but I didn't even have a sweet 16. My parents have been working full time since I was super young, and we're comfortable enough financially, but I just… never get to celebrate my birthday - whether it's a big, lavish celebration with everyone, or a small gathering with just my parents and myself. In high school I would scratch out my birthday and I would vaguely tell friends that it was in June because I was a stupid bitch baby and figured that if people didn't know in the first place, I couldn't fault them for not celebrating/wishing me happy birthday (most of them found out anyway and to this day still wish me happy birthday every year because they are very sweet people). For some writing assignment I even wrote about how self conscious I was about it and everyone in the class was nice enough to reassure me that I should enjoy it and tell people so we can celebrate together. In college, I was surrounded by loving friends who always did really funny special things for everyone (mostly sort of like funny pranks full of inside jokes, but they were always very specifically tailored surprises for whoever's birthday it was), but since my birthday is in June, we've all gone home by the summer by the time mine rolls around. It kinda hurts that I don't get a chance to experience it. At some point I was just sort of like… well I shouldn't feel guilty about reminding people. It's a shitty thing to do to fault people for forgetting when in reality I tend to forget things too - especially as a working adult. But I still just can't bring myself to remind people.
Every year I try to think of things to do, but I end up not doing any of them. Last year I just took myself out and walked around the city and bought myself a cake to eat (which sounds sad, but honestly this was the least sad thing because I absolutely love cake and the less I have to share, the better). This year I asked a friend to take me to the Met to see the Tale of Genji exhibit for my birthday, and when another friend asked me what I want to do, I said I wanted to go to a botanical garden (been really into drawing flowers recently). I don't know if either friend will remember but my stupid brain doesn't want to bring it up and remind them because if they forgot it'll fuel into my deep seated self hatred and "no one will ever care enough about you" thoughts, but another part of me wants to fucking go and do these things!!! Fuck!! It's my fucking birthday!!!
It's just one day out of the fucking year, but it's the one day that I always feel the worst about. I've spent years working on my self worth issues, and I've come a long way and I know that my friends actually like me as a person, but fuck. Fuck my birthday lol.
No. 414770
>>414747I'm mixed and I love it. Know why? Because I've long accepted that literally any problem I have as a "mutt" would be practically the same if I was one race or the other. Love yourself, Anon.
I'll agree with you that that thread seems fetishy and weird though. Not sure what the point is.
No. 414776
>>414760It is a very good thing I don't take hurt incels seriously, male or not.
>>414772No one thinks that obaachan, pinstriped slimfit jeans are very awesome though. Just wear it with a cute top and black platform sandals.
No. 420504
just got into a fight with my sister and cut myself again
she was saying some nasty threatening shit that really reminded me of our abusive mom
i freaked out, i broke a glass, and i managed to take a pretty bad slice to my forearm. i feel like shit right now, i'm shaking, i'm angry, i want to die
she's been so disgusting and hateful and cruel and bitchy and demanding me to follow her whims 100% and i am honestly disgusted by how angry she makes me, because just a week ago we weren't in this position, my sister is a terrible control freak who reminds me of our mohter when she's in moods like this and then insists that her caustic and cruel words towards me and demands for me are out of "love", no, it's not fucking love to make even your older sister feel like a piece of shit who hates herself, and if you understood in the slightest what i'm going through, then you wouldn't do this. if her words didn't have such a sharp, nasty edge to them, if she tried to be nicer to others and not use a constantly bratty tone, then perhaps, perhaps i wouldnt hate her as much as i do. as it stands she's been so rude to me lately despite not being around enough that i finally cracked, she broke me
i hate my family so much, my dad is dismissive or downright nasty when he gets angry, my mother was abusive to me and my sister for 10+ years, my sister is an abrasive and angry control freak bitch who treats everyone like they should bow down to her, and i can't take it. i have no money and resources to move out and although i've been trying to get a new job it's failed and i have no motivation to continue after getting rejected multiple times, my currnet job makes me nowhere near enough money to live on my own
these people only care about me when i break down otherwise my family couldn't give less of a shit if i fucking died right in front of them, they'd bury me and move on with their lives. i'm going to try and do something to take off the edge now that my arm is bandaged up and it hurts like hell. i'm in immense emotional pain right now and i dont know who else to turn to. i have a session with my therapist tomorrow where i will explain my side of the story but my sister is already trying to defame me to my father and my therapist and i'm angry that she's trying to absolve herself of her blame when this bitch started the fucking argument that led to us having a physical fight and the self harm episode, she's not fucking innocent and she always tries to paint herself like the saint, just like my mother. this little bitch should go back to uni instead of fucking complaining about her life here, if she hates living here so much, and leave me alone. fucking don't want her around, especially when we've had multiple physical/verbal altercations in the last few months during our moody periods and i as a bipolar person can't take being treated like she sees me as nothing but a maid/useful idiot. fuck this stupid bitch.