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No. 407188

Last thread >>>/ot/400120

No. 407208

As a beekeeper I don't know what do with this weather. The weather has been extremely unstable this year and the weather forecast said that the temperatures will dip even further.

I have no idea how I will manage to deliver the quotas I have by contract and I don't know how my bees will manage to survive at all.

Other beekeepers tell me it's the same with them and all of us are in search for a decent pasture. For the first time in 8 years, I'll have to feed my bees with industrial sugar less I want them to die.

No. 407215

I hope your bees will be ok :(

No. 407219

Thanks, anon.
Though, to be frank, the situation keeps getting worse year after year. I'll have no other choice but to get a new profession if the same thing happens next year. The bees, on the other hand, what are they going to do? They can't escape and I'm not sure how they'll endure the following years.

No. 407240

I know this is a stupid question but would you be able to do almost like a greenhouse type of thing for them?

No. 407243

i feel kinda lonely but also too busy/tired to put effort into dating

forever alone

No. 407253

Eh, that would be feasible for maybe up to three or even five beehives depending on the greenhouse and that's being optimistic. But for any serious beekeeping that's not a solution.

Thanks though.

No. 407255

I got a pixie cut last year, trimmed it again in February and decided to let it grow now. I can't wait, ughh. I don't feel ugly with it but I very much prefer my hair when longer…

No. 407259

I'm really sorry anon, that is so sad to hear. I keep trying to explain to people how much the environment is getting fucked up by industrial activity but nobody cares.

Recently my country banned pesticides that kill bees and that should have happened a long time ago, but incompetent industrial farmers were bawwing about it a lot and saying how they'll make less money if they were banned.

No. 407263

I have a filthy rich friend and sometimes the disparity between our circumstances makes me a little sad. Like, no ill will towards her whatsoever! But it's a reality check regarding how wealth is spread.

She doesn't have to work and can buy and do whatever she wants thanks to a great great great grandfather's decisions, but my dad is an immigrant from a third world country who had to build our humble life from nothing… It's a strange feeling knowing that no matter how hard I work, I will never be as well off. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

I guess if anything, it pushes me to work harder for the lifestyle that I want. The one thing that annoys me a little is she says she doesn't care about money, but… it's really easy not to care about money when you have all the money you need, y'know? The rest of us need to care about money so we can eat.

No. 407276

I know how you feel. My last two boyfriends are from what I would consider very wealthy but they'd both disagree with that. To them having a mansion isn't a big deal because there's always a bigger mansion. They're offensively ignorant about poverty but no amount of explaining could make them feel what it's like to go without food and live somewhere without heating or sleep with your entire family in one bed.

It makes me sad that we could never fully see eye to eye. They're not bad people, they just haven't lived it and can't understand just like I can't understand what it's like living in an active warzone. Or being in space. Empathy can only take you so far.

No. 407277

I feel this. I like how the phrase "winning the genetic lottery" is about inheriting desirable physical traits but people seem less to think how fortunate someone is for being born into the right family.

Everyday I think about how my life could have been different if I were born into a stable household with parents who made a decent wage consistently.

No. 407281

I just learned that I am pregnant. I am 21 years old, have a IUD for 3 years now, started my internship today and I am with my boyfriend since January.
I have an appointment tomorrow but it has been more than 6 weeks since my last periods (they are always very late). I just hope it isn't too late to abort and just feel like shit.

No. 407288

Are you cryptic pregnancy anon?
Either way I'm sorry to hear about that, I hope an abortion is still possible. Although even with that I know the emotions are complicated.

No. 407296

Found another fucking flea biting me after I thought I was done with these fuckers. I hate that these tiny assholes are too small to even completely crush normally and get away with their bullshit unscathed. I never dealt with them before this and keep impulsively slapping at them like mosquitos before realizing that I’m doing it wrong.

No. 407297

Oh geez anon, you reminded me of a friend i had who was also pretty rich.
She'd take weeks off of school so she could go to tropical resorts with her family and couldn't comprehend how i can't afford to get my hair done at a hair salon every few weeks and travel with friends.

No. 407301

I feel so hopeless. I quit my shitty retail job because, mixed with a lot of other events/issues I had going on with my life, it felt like the cherry on top of pushing me to kill myself. I'm doing better a bit better now, I feel better, and while I haven't been working, I've been making a routine of myself to sleep/wake up early and trying to be as productive as possible with my time.

But I just… feel so hopeless. I don't know where life is going to take me. I have no experience outside of retail and I'm trying to land an office job so I can have some fucking experience to put on my resume that isn't more retail work, but even when I do manage to get an interview and put my best foot forward, I get passed up because I just don't have any office experience. I just rewrote my resume, and I'm in the process of fixing up my cover letter too now. But I hate it. I don't know what I even want to do with my life, I don't know what I'm even trying for anymore.

I'm young, I'm about to turn 24 next month, but honestly… I can't wait to be 30. I feel like all the pressure in the world is on me to make something of myself, right here and now, and I'm more lost than when I first started college. At least back then, I had stupid pipe dreams of working for the UN or some garbage. At least back then, I could tell myself "I'm still in school! I have time!" Now it's like… I'm out here. In the workforce, with no work. I hear so many people say that your life really begins when you turn 30, that you finally start to feel security in your life and work in your 30s… and that's all I want. I want some sort of fucking purpose, I want to know what the fuck I want to do. Right now, I'm just sitting here, wondering why the fuck I should continue living anyway lol.

No. 407305

My parents left to go on vacation for a few days. They never travel so I'm kind of relieved to get some space from them while the exam week starts at school. I've been getting really stressed out because I commute to college and have two jobs and they're just kind of clueless about how over my head I am right now.

Also, they get very pissy about me taking showers at night because the tub and shower are in their bedroom's bathroom. I can't wait to take a bath at night lol

No. 407306

I'm a couple years older than you and feel the same way. I got a job that was my "just do this while in college" thing and I haven't been able to get out of it. My resume has a lot of old stuff that is useless, and when I look at jobs I question if I'm a good fit or not. I've lost a lot of confidence in myself and how other people view me. I really don't know what to do anymore and it makes me sad that I've met a lot of other people who are stuck in similar situations.

No. 407309

Good timing, now enjoy yourself, watch TV at impossible hours and take baths in the middle of the night. You don't have any siblings staying at home who will bother you? Because that was my case a few weeks ago when my parents left for important things abroad and they wouldn't stop inviting their friends so they kind of ruined everything.

No. 407310

The worst thing that happened in my life won't ever, ever change. I thought this would get better or easier with time but it doesn't get better, it won't ever get better and that's the only thing I know for sure in my life.
People expect me to be okay after all this time but my mind can't stop thinking about ending it all one day or another.
I felt suicidal for the first time when I was 12 and I can't stop thinking that I've lived more time wanting to die than when I was happy.
I saw doctors, I took my medication, I had good times. But it seems all a lie to me. I don't want to depend on pills, on doctors, on words of people who care about me because I hate myself.
I hate the way my mind betrays me, I hate how I can't open up, how I always say it's not that bad to my friends because I'm so ashamed to admit out loud that I know my life will always be miserable.
Also, they won't notice it anyways because I'm so good at hiding how bad I get. Even if I don't message them for hours, they won't check on me because I'm the girl who's always laughing, cracking jokes.
I can't stop feeling guilty because how I think, how I can't seem to appreciate what I have because the truth is that nothing of that matters anymore. Not anymore.

No. 407316

30 yo here. Oh boy, are you guys in for some shitty surprises.

No. 407322

I sympathize anon. I came from a small country in Eastern Europe to study in Eastern US and the lifestyle of some people there makes me really sick. I no longer live there but it's something I'll never forget.

They "treated themselves" to makeup, Asian skincare and clothes all the time, when they feel bad, when they feel good, it doesn't matter. They lived in big houses and had people do everything for them - forgot to buy food? It's okay, we have HelloFresh! Need to vacuum? It's alright, I'll just call a cleaning lady to do it for me. Need to cook? I don't know how, let's just order. They drive everywhere. Need to go down a block? Nah, I'll drive you. You shouldn't pack your bags, they have people for that at the big ass supermarket 20 minutes away (that we will drive to). They had massive, massive amounts of shitty clothing and couldn't dress themselves for shit so they "decluttered" and "purged" everything and buy more shitty clothing. Seriously, they threw so much shit away, one girl gave me half of her wardrobe just because she didn't like it anymore and to her that was completely normal. A lot of them watched these makeup gurus on Youtube and those girls had entire rooms full of makeup! Rooms just for makeup!

Some people I knew were overweight but categorically refused to do anything about it and instead proceeded to whine about how everybody is beautiful on Facebook. Others were just unhealthy (I studied with a lot of Asians and a lot of them would get grilled by their mom and grandma when they start getting fatter). Also for some reason a lot of people there hate water. Like they hate the thing they need to survive.
They had big big gardens they could grow so many things in but they had to keep shitty grass so they can "sell it later"… why, to get an even bigger house? How many bathrooms is too many? I have one I share with 4 other people and it's fine. None of them had any savings. Not one.

Some of them had money and would fly to their grandparents' home countries all the damn time, or backpack through SEA and talk about "wanderlust" all day. A lot of them were studying just because they wanted to go to parties, and that was usually girls I took some more "liberal" courses with. Others had families that I later learned just got themselves in a lot of credit card debt to sustain the lifestyle they found completely normal.

It's really exhausting just to watch. How does nobody get tired of always having more more more bigger bigger bigger? Is it not boring to always get everything done for you? How do you live with yourself knowing you'll do absolutely nothing for other people and have so much to yourself? I'd honestly be overwhelmed. I'd like to have enough, but if I had that much dumb shit in my empty life I'd give all of it away or build a farm and grow vegetables just to have a purpose.

No. 407329


>How does nobody get tired of always having more more more bigger bigger bigger? Is it not boring to always get everything done for you? How do you live with yourself knowing you'll do absolutely nothing for other people and have so much to yourself?

i think a lot of people in the us are conditioned to think that way. i mean, ive heard people try to claim that a $30000 yearly income is poverty level, and i listened to an american girl wine about how poor she was growing up because her mom told her once that some special edition bratz doll or whatever she wanted was too expensive. this was the only example of being "dirt poor" she could come up with.

back to the income thing, 30000 is about 3x the average income in my country, and my country isnt exactly poor either. its ridiculous. but you have to consider that a lot of people in the us just spend spend spend and never save any money because theyve been conditioned to be greedy their entire lives. this isnt even just america anymore, this mindset has started perforating the entire world. ive started to notice it in my own country too.

i have a theory that the high cost of healthcare there is because of the same greed issue too. i feel horrible saying this but its a little bit satisfying to watch them eat each other alive out of greed after americas been pushing their shitty capitalist model for decades.

No. 407352

Who else feels absolutely dead inside? I'm so disenchanted with everything and everybody. I never feel any sort of genuine, strong emotion except love for my pet. Wtf is up with life

No. 407354

File: 1557175675684.jpg (71.93 KB, 604x453, 553901894334.jpg)

I feel you. For me it's usully a phase, I think it's a normal feeling. It can go on for months in certain circumstances. How long have you had it?

No. 407360

I dont really know what's up with me lately but I've been growing bitter slowly. Bitter about life on general and the world. Like I think that you should enjoy life while you have it cause you dont know what could happen but in the end it be meaningless. I also dont know what I want to do in the future long term/career wise. I'm not interested in anything passionately at all, and dont feel like staying in the same place and get a basic job just for money. I more interested in traveling and being a drifter or wanderer or something. I dont care about money, items except my sketchbook and something to read, I dont have anyone and used to being lonely, sick of the world (even myself sometime). It just doesn't seem like my future gonna be great but I rather have the most simplest of life, but I'm disliking my existence and society more and more.

No. 407365

These things are definitely issues in American culture but it sounds like you went to a school full of unusually wealthy people. Most Americans can't afford to buy that much stuff, live in a big house, waste money on luxury services, or travel at all. Admittedly though, most Americans still emulate what aspects of those behaviors they can afford, like buying $300 sneakers or smartphones and then crying that people shouldn't be able to judge what poor people do with their money to be happy, and credit card debt is a fairly big phenomenon here.

No. 407368

I absolutely disagree with this. I live in a decently low cost area with my husband on about 28k a year and we barely get by comfortably. We hardly spend money, I don't even get my hair trimmed more than like twice a year, that's how stingy we are. Also, we don't have expenses like healthcare or car payments like most people do. If we did, we'd be fucked. And forget about if you have kids.

No. 407370

Maybe you could look into those work exchange/workaway things where you do a certain number of hours of farm labor per week in exchange for room and board. Apparently a lot of drifter types do those and during your hours off you walk around and explore the local nature, towns etc. and you could bring a sketchbook and get library books or thrift store books to read. Maybe not the ideal dream life but it could be something to look into temporarily if you are interested in trying that kind of lifestyle.

No. 407374

reading >>407263 & >>407322 and then >>407360 was funny.

Just get a job and save up to travel in your free time.

No. 407394

>trimming hair "only" twice a year
>considered stingy in america


No. 407417

Hair that isn’t trimmed every few months has split ends. Do you only cut yours every few years or something?

No. 407420

Maybe they don’t know about hairstylists recommending trims every six weeks or so.

No. 407423

NTA but I haven't cut my hair since September and no split ends so far. Normally I go to the hairdresser once or twice a year.

No. 407437

depends on your hair type and styling and bleaching habits really. used to not get a single split end in hs when i did nothing to my hair at all, not even using a hairdryer, nowadays i heat style it more or less every wash cycle and need to trim the ends every year or so. shoutout to my mom for doing that for me lol

No. 407453

Am i the only girl here who doesn't seem to get any male attention, positive or negative? I'm almost 25 and last week was the first time a guy approached me randomly at a bar. Also the last party I went to, I had to talk to like four guys to find one who wanted to hook up with me.

It just upsets me so much whenever I heard the average girl has a ton of guys swarming to get her number and interact with her. I'm not ugly, and I don't have resting bitch face. But I can't think of any other explanation other than I'm undesirable to guys.

Also i think it's annoying when I'm told I should be grateful of my situation as if my preferences are objectively wrong.

No. 407459

You probably just give off unsexy vibes, body language and stuff like that. I have both male and female friends who are perfectly attractive but can't for the life of them get dates. I've seen them in action, and it really seems to be the case, at least with them - they just appear friendly in a manner that makes it so their targets don't even consider them as sexual beings they might feel attracted to

No. 407462

Ohhh this is the first time I've heard an explanation that makes sense to me. I am pretty friendly and sweet. I guess people think of me more as a kid then.

No. 407469

Are you really that clueless? It's hair care 101 that what're supposed to get it trimmed at least every 6-8 weeks because most people get split ends and look like shit if they don't. Coming short of universally recommended grooming maintenance habits is not somehow luxurious. You people are beginning to sound like Fox News when they sperged about poor people owning fridges.

No. 407474

File: 1557201980669.jpeg (221.01 KB, 870x1248, 645E5D2B-8A4A-41EE-AB8B-FC018B…)

Was coming here to bitch about the bourgeoisie myself but it seems anons today are already on my wavelength.
Can we bring back the guillotine already.

No. 407478

Please, men do not struggle to see friendly girls sexually if they are attractive enough. That's just not how they function. If a pretty girl is giving off friend vibes he might be afraid to be rejected or think she's not gonna be dtf, but he wont be thinking of her platonically.

Imo it's a matter of looks + approachability + sluttiness and how each factor into risk/reward. If she's extremely attractive, it will compensate for seeming unapproachable or frigid because the reward is high. If she seems approachable or easy to get in bed, it will compensate for being less attractive because the risk is low. Location also matters a lot, depends where you live and where/when you go out.

No. 407483

Same here anon, the only people that hit on me are older Greek men, fat metalheads, West African immigrants and Scandinavian women. Every single time it's only ever one of those, everyone else couldn't care less. It's really weird.

No. 407485

File: 1557205295794.jpg (102.8 KB, 550x550, ac91b8c71dce5d5573da42c1bd24fe…)

>tfw no one to give me attention or affection
>tfw just want a shy, depressed loner bf to empathize with and help eachother grow

No. 407487

I'm with you anon. It's too bad the right person doesn't just magically appear in your life. You have to search for them. Wrestle through the muck and sort through the shit. It's all so tiresome.

No. 407489

File: 1557205950528.jpeg (19.12 KB, 345x333, 152632C1-2783-40AE-AD3B-39B8F3…)


No. 407493

File: 1557206300892.gif (466.65 KB, 500x250, qcufFFh.gif)

I doubt if that even works, at least not for het women. All my het female friends partners have been absolutely shite, nothing but filthy, rude, cheating turd-touchers; some of my friends settled, some of them sifted through the shit like you described, and all they found was trash.

No. 407496

Depressed loner males who get no attention don't empathize with women, they shoot up schools and become incel MRAs. Just get yourself a normie who can pull you up rather than drag you down.

No. 407498

File: 1557211526462.jpg (45.26 KB, 600x488, insomnia-lead.jpg)

My father always seems bothered that i dont sleep and calls me names like "vampire" and shit. Fucking idiot, how many psychiatrists have to tell you that i suffer from chronic anxiety and bipolarity so you understand its almost impossible for me to sleep without medicines that you don't care to buy? This shit pisses me off, because his terrible life choices caused my mental state to get worse, he knows everything i had to live and what happened to me and still has the balls to treat me as if i were a monster for having symptoms of mental illnesses, which are the consequences of situations he dragged me into (plus genetics, because i was fucked since birth). Fuck you john, if it weren't for your ass i surely wouldn't have to force myself to sleep every night, even though i could risk having terrible night terrors and paralysis (if an arrhythmia doesn't wake me up first). "It cannot be that you have so many problems/mental issues lmao" are you retarded? In fact i'm lucky that i did not come out with anything worse, because not only did you get married and had children with someone with a history of mental illnesses, but you also hid me the fact that you had a record too, basically you didn't give a shit about me and it shows.

This existence is so miserable, not only do i have to suffer in silence every day thanks to symptoms of bipolarity/OCD, not being able to sleep or rest deeply and having on my shoulders the weight of traumas, but i also have to deal with this "person" who cannot show a little empathy towards his own daughter.

I wish i was just normal, i couldn't have escaped bipolarity of course, but at least i could have lived relatively stable if not for trauma. I wish i was able to finally sleep and be in peace again.

Im also constipated and it hurts a lot, fucking kill me.

No. 407507

Wanted to check if I was able to sleep without benzos, turns out I can't.
I dreamt of the weirdest shit for the whole two hours I actually slept. I spent the rest of the time sweating, being very tired and ready to sleep but somehow being jolted back every time I dozed by anxious thought of planning and failing at stuff.
This is a fucking nightmare. I don't know how I'm going to manage to send out my graduate paper in two fucking weeks.

No. 407511

Theres is no way to express what I'm feeling without sounding jealous af, but sometimes some really homely looking girls get treated like they're god's given gift to mankind by a bunch of dudes for seemingly no reason at all.
I've finally met the girl who was allegedly the most beautiful girl at my bf's school when he was still a student and she's really nothing special. I remember way before we were dating, him and his friends would brag about having the hottest chick in school in their friend group, I was expecting to meet a real beauty and to be a bit jealous or insecure, but I ended up not really caring about her apart from being surprised at her boring looks. She does behave like she's the hottest piece of ass in the room, I think being ultra confident plays a big role in how people perceive you, because she's really a dime a dozen.

No. 407527

> fat metalheads
Jelly, I wish I had the same thing happening to me.
Often there's this ginger chubby metalhead on Bandcamp that likes the same stuff as me. We always end up being among the first ten to support some of the new metal bands.

I really wish I could contact him and ask him if he has a gf but I wouldn't like to scare him or make him feel uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, all the guys where I live are in normie tier mainstream music that makes me want to rip out my ears.

No. 407576

My boyfriend raped me 6 years ago and I’m only just starting to work through the trauma and am acknowledging it, but I’m scared of it confronting him with it because I don’t want to upset him

No. 407580

anons, I really need advice.

I started dating this guy abt 5 months ago. he’s really sweet and I’ve honestly never felt this way abt someone before. Ik it may seem sudden, but we’re moving in together (mostly bc I couldn’t afford a place on my own and I couldn’t live with a stranger). He’s amazing, but something abt him is really bothering me.

I told him I didn’t want to have anal sex because it would just hurt me and he jokingly said “we’ll see.”

He told me he’s made a girl orgasm in the past from anal and I told him she was probably lying but he brushed it off. I told him it’s a hard no from me and he brushed that off too.

I really, really don’t want to have anal sex ever. I’ve tried it and it hurt really badly, even with lube, but it seems like something he’s going to keep pushing. He’s mentioned threesomes before and I have a lot of issues involving them because of stuff that happened in my last relationship (ex begged me for a threesome, I said no, he went out and had sex with the girl he wanted to have the threesome with), but didn’t push too hard on it like he did with anal.

I don’t understand why he won’t take me seriously about this. I really don’t want to do it but I feel like he’ll try to pressure me into it eventually. I don’t want to make waves about it because it seems so inconsequential but I honestly don’t know what to do if he brings it up again. I even said it was a hard no, and he ignored that. I don’t want to be in pain during sex and I don’t want him to get off on me being in pain. I can’t just dump him over this because of our lease and it’s not something that I think we should end our relationship over. I need a more firm way of dealing with this so he sees that my boundaries can’t just be eroded so he can get what he wants.

I honestly blame porn and general cumbrain logic for this. Although he’s stopped watching porn since we got together and I suggested he read some Dworkin to be more educated on the matter, I feel like it’s still creeping in and will cause problems sexually. It just makes me feel so low that, even with all my vetting and caution, things still ended up this way.

No. 407582

get some glycerin suppositories for the constipation if you can, fastest and gentlest solution
I don't know if it 's an option for you but maybe you could try THC for the anxiety/sleep issues; I suffered from horrible insomnia and night terrors since I was kid and it is the only thing that has allowed me to get a full night's sleep

No. 407584

I know he is hurting me but I have no where to go and don't want to be alone

No. 407585

I know this doesn't really help, but I'd be tempted to buy a strap on and see how he felt about getting fucked in the ass
Hopefully some other anon can give better advice than me; I'm sorry you're in this situation, you deserve to be loved and respected and I hope you are able to work something out

No. 407592

is there a word for feeling like you're going to lose everything suddenly?

like right now everything is going great, i have a job i love, live on my own, dating someone i like. for some reason it feels "too good" to me and like i'm going to get it all taken away from me. like i'll suddenly get fired from my job and everything else will fall like a domino. i know i have anxiety but is there a particular phrase for feeling this way? self-defeating? idk

seems like whenever my life is going good for me i start getting afraid it won't last long

No. 407593

tell him you won't do anal unless he lets you also finger his ass/fuck him with a strapon like the other anon said.

if he asks why just be like, well, you have a prostate, your ass is basically MEANT to be fucked unlike mine.

No. 407594

this pic is hot

No. 407595

Well, it came up. He apologised but it felt disingenuous and now it’s just really tense.. now I’m unsure of if it ever happened.. it feels like now as soon as I’m starting to acknowledge it I’m losing all memory of it and doubting myself

I’m tempted to fall back into old self-harming habits but I’ve made so much progress and don’t want to go back to the kind of person I used to be, sad and defined by my trauma..

No. 407600

Breast lump anon here. Went to the clinic today and my breasts are normal and no further investigation is needed. God, 2 weeks of hell over in just under 30 minutes. I'm so relieved.

Dunno if the anons who comforted me with common sense are still here, but thank you so much.

No. 407601


No. 407602

I'm looking at the list of thought distortions my therapist gave me, and it kind of sounds like fortune telling:
>Making negative predictions about the future, such as how people will behave or how events will play out

Or maybe downplaying positives:
>Minimising or dismissing positive qualities, achievements, or behaviours by telling yourself that they are unimportant or do not count.

It's hard because a lot of these distortions overlap. Either way anon, life is too short for you to worry about these things. I'm happy to hear that you have so many positives in your life. Hold onto those and push the negative worries away as best as you can.

No. 407603

Can you afford to speak to a therapist about this? I am sorry to ask, but in my country therapy is free and I was seen within about 6 weeks after self-referring myself. You went through a traumatic experience and I think you need professional help to get you through this.

I am very sorry that this happened to you. Please don't harm yourself, keep remembering about the progress you've made.

No. 407608

my grandfather is a cheater, rapist, and overall pos who's sabotaging my sick grandmother's life so he can be with his whore mistress… and he does all of this shit under the guise of being a "man of god"

No. 407609

I haven't taken any psychiatric medications in about six years. Today I was prescribed mirtazapine, but I'm scared of taking it. I have C-PTSD which leads to constant severe depersonalisation, and the medications I tried in the past (fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, citalopram, and quetiapine) all exacerbated the depersonalisation. It's now so severe that I'm afraid of what might happen to me if it got even the slightest bit worse. I want to get better so I can finally start living my life, but I'm scared.

No. 407611

good luck on the med trial. medications can only do so much. treating ptsd effectively would most likely require some kind of therapy and the willingness to work through the past trauma.

No. 407614

That feel when you find out your crush follows Jessica Nigri on Instagram

No. 407615

Mirtzapine is one that make you sleep. Do you need that? My own experience on it(that could turn very different from yours) was a very desagreable come sleep state and weight gain.

No. 407621

Current user of mirtazapine, can confirm the appetite stimulation and weight gain is a fuck. Watch out for that if your weight matters to you. Grogginess after waking up can be somewhat mitigated by taking it earlier than "right before you want to sleep", say at dinnertime, although with no tolerance it can sometimes knock you right the fuck out. It's still the best tolerated one I've ever been on. Good luck fellow depressanon.

No. 407622

Better her than Belle Delphine or other chicks doing lolibait shit. At least by comparison men who like Nigri seem normal and like they have their heads on straight since they’re just liking an adult woman with big boobies, conventional sports illustrated type looks with a nerd twist. It’s potentially better for him to be more of a normie that way especially when it comes to him being a weeaboo and how fucked up a lot of their preferences and fetishes usually get.

No. 407626

Maybe but I prefer men who don’t follow instathot accounts, or even better aren’t on Instagram at all unless for business

No. 407643

I feel so anxious and lonely. I wish my mom was still here with me to reassure me that everything's gonna be ok; that always made me instantly feel better even though that was not necessarily the truth.
She left a void in me that no one and nothing can really call fill. Why did she have leave me when I needed her so much, it's not fair.

No. 407659

I told him this and he wasn’t totally closed off to the idea. I just want to keep that door closed because I really don’t want to try anal again or fuck him up the ass.

No. 407690

lol well good thing it was just a crush

No. 407706

I am not. I just assumed I wouldn't be pregnant with my IUD and since my periods are always late. I went to a midwife today and she was very kind and understanding. I did a blood test and have to call the hospital in two days to make an appointment and have an ultrasound. I'm near 2 months pregnant and just want to cry.

No. 407713

I'm going to study abroad for a month soon but I only bought one check in bag when I now realized I could have bought two bags when I only brought one. Now I feel like I wasted my money.

I'm also worried about not fitting in with my group. I'm afraid my group is going to be mostly frat bros who only care about drinking. I think two of the guys look like total douches. Ugh.

No. 407745

Do you only have one "group"? Why not go join another group?

No. 407757

Not those anons but congratulations! I can't imagine the relief you must feel.

No. 407758

i dont want to give two many details because its complicated af and ive already thought of /every/ alternative but i have to move home soon for a couple of months before i move countries and it is making me sick. my health is so bad at home i actually get psychotic bc abuse/ptsd ect and i'm scared my brain will break and i won't be able to come back from it. what actually happens at home isnt that bad compared to when i was a child, but because i'm so traumatised it fucks me up badly? I hallucinate constantly, don't sleep and it made me pass out at work last year a few times from exhusation. it normally takes me like 4 months to go back to 'normal' but i'm scared this last time will break my brain forever. this is so long and rambley but i feel sick thinking about it.

No. 407760

>>407609 mitazapine actually made me sleep less? but in a good way. my quitapine sedates me badly, but mitazpine counteracts that?

No. 407774

I hate feeling like a failure and guilty af whenever I call off from work. I sometimes just can't get out of bed and I wish mental health was an excuse. Instead I have to make up a thousand symptoms and pretend to be sick when really I just want to throw myself off a bridge.

No. 407793

It's actually scary to me that there are some women who seem to identify as "whore", "sex worker", "porn star" before "woman".
Like, they're so dedicated to their "work" that they'll attack women who have the gall to say "sex trafficking bad" to scream about "whorephobia".
If your options are so fucking low-tier that it's literally your best bet to sell your body, that's a red flag, and you should be talking about why the current state of career options is so meager for women in your society.
If your job is one that you wouldn't unironically advise the men in your life to do, or encourage your children to get into, you're not "empowered". How difficult is that?

No. 407800

I have the same exact issues as you. C-PTSD and severe depersonalization/derealization for over 10 years. I have tried everything, seriously, name a medication and I have tried it.

I was on 45mg mirtazapine for almost a year and it did help in some ways. It helped me sleep and helped me not be as emotionally reactive. It isn't an SSRI, just so you know. But it did nothing for the DP/DR. And didn't help my paranoia and hyper-vigilance. It also made me gain a ton of weight and extremely hungry all the time. It messes with your blood sugar which causes intense cravings for carbs/sugar hence why you gain weight. Also there is withdrawal when coming off it but it's not as bad as SSRIs or benzos.

Unfortunately nothing I've ever been on helps DP/DR. Literally nothing. Benzos, SSRIs, mood stabilizers, stimulants, anti-psychotics, etc…nothing. Many of them made it worse. I am personally doing a lot better with my C-PSTD and have come a long way but the DP/DR remains. I just feel I am cursed to it forever. Sorry if this is depressing but I'm trying to be honest here. I'm almost 30 and I started having this at 12. And nothing helps.

You should try the mirtazapine at least for a bit just to see, because everyone is different. Many people swear by it. Don't have to commit for very long with it, like with SSRIs.

No. 407869

Man, I hate people who reply with "nice" or "ok". I'm blocking your boring ass, get some personality and manners lmao. Whenever someone says anything to me the last thing I think is some one worded shitty response like that. C'mon dude

No. 407875

Anyone else finding the internet really boring recently? I feel like nothing is really entertaining anymore, even websites I used to enjoy don't appeal to me.

On the plus side, ever since I've deleted (practically) all my social media I've found way more time for doing irl stuff and hobbies and have found myself way happier.

No. 407878

I totally feel you on that. It's actually been that way for 5 years with me now but certain old habits die hard and I can't help but check some things online. Maybe it's because we're aging or just have seen it all already, you know? Everything's lost its magic and I feel like the internet is getting more stale than what it used to be.

Fell in love with reading books last summer and it made me a lot happier too. Changed my world and gives me a lot of time afk.

No. 407881

File: 1557281011958.jpg (3.77 KB, 291x173, images.jpg)

Tonight I was having insomnia and the neighbour was throwing a party. He was blasting shitty music and had already thrown a party until 4 am just a week before. I hate such behaviour and was somewhat plotting a revenge, like buzzing at his doorbell at 6 am or something like that. But more than anything, I was wondering: am I really the only person annoyed by his parties? So I went out and knocked at his door to literally ask him that and to tell him his music sucked.
This is how I ended up drinking beer at a stranger's home, surrounded by 5 of the said stranger's friends and who I didn't know either, while in my pajamas and talking about my weirdest archeological find: pubes.
I wish I wasn't such a weird sperg sometimes.
Now it's 4 am, I went back to my bed, their party is over and I still can't sleep.

No. 407909

I successfully got over DP/DR for a few years or at least minimized it to the point where it didn't bother me all day, maybe once a week or once a month. However it took a while and tons of therapy. It's basically all about being in control of anxiety and the rest of your emotions. I definitely recommend finding a therapist specializing in CBT.

No. 407913

I fucking hate rain. I want to live on a fucking mountain in a desert so it never floods. Fuck fuck fuck.

No. 407923

Thank you! I see a psychologist every few weeks and I'm on a (one year) waiting list for DBT, so this would be on top of that.

It takes me like two/three hours to get to sleep regardless of when I go to bed. I can't turn my brain off when I'm trying to sleep and I end up worrying about someone/something "getting" me while I'm unconscious and vulnerable.

I think you were trying to reply to me rather than that anon, but apologies if you weren't. I've been trying to gain 20lbs for a while (anxiety killed my appetite), so I'm okay
with some weight gain. How much did you gain? Also thank you for the tip, and for the luck!

I never had sedation issues with quetiapine, but it gave me hallucinations and stuff so I think it really wasn't compatible with my brain. I'm glad the mirtazapine helps counteract your quetiapine issues!

I've never met another person with DP/DR issues like mine, so even though we're both totally screwed by it it's kinda nice to know I'm not the only robot person out there. I know it isn't an SSRI (I've sworn off those), but I'm still scared of messing with my brain chemistry at all. Have you tried lamotrigine? I was looking into it but the psychiatrist suggested mirtazapine instead. I'm 26 and the DP/DR became permanent at 17, so I'm scared of it being lifelong too. I hope your fog lifts someday.

No. 407984

Yeah that was me. If 20lbs is what you want 20lbs will likely be what you get tbh, but if you don't want it to carry on ballooning then keep an eye on your eating habits.

No. 407998

The fear or the DP/DR is what makes it worse. The only thing that can "fix" it imho is acceptance and not being anxious about it, which is hard, I know. I hope your medication works and even if the depersonalisation comes back, try just saying "fuck it" and don’t focus on it at all. You can get better and start living your life, I believe in you! I have made it, too. I can’t even remember how DP/DR felt like.

No. 408003

this is EXTREMELY autistic and retarded but i find the ricardo guy from the ricardo meme unironically hot. i find men boring 99% of the time unless they do "feminine" things like exploiting their bodies for a sexual gaze whether that be through performance or fashion sense. it's another reason why i find men from the 70s/80s/90s soo hot.

i just wish there were more hot guy stuff (maybe not ricardo though cause he's not everyone's type but in general lmao) aimed at female gaze instead of a homosexual male gaze. men would probably be surprised at how women can get aroused visually to men if this was more accepted.

No. 408005

I'm so fucking anxious, I just want to quit it all.
I fantasize about buying myself a nice hotel room to overdose in. I wish it was all so simple and over.

No. 408012

I miss the 2000's so much
I know people try to make fun of that time period but I seriously loved it and it and the online culture of that time was much better then today even places like 4chan though shit were still better then modern day 4chan
I miss goths and emos,I miss Blink-182 and I miss the humor of that time period

No. 408013

Agree on everything but the "so random xD" humour

No. 408017

not fond of it either but compared to the modern Internet humor of today the "so random XD" seems like a better alternative

No. 408018

File: 1557317095267.jpeg (412.63 KB, 1536x2048, 1252BBC7-A0D3-48BE-947D-486525…)

Why do people take pics in the nastiest bathrooms

No. 408020

I agree so hard. /‘92 kid here

No. 408022

Less people in the internet and it wasn't completely dominated by companies before. I miss it too, but I may have my nostalgia goggles on.

No. 408044

A lot of internet memes are still "so random". They try to be ironic but everyone unironically laughs at the randomness of it anyway.

Why is she like 20 wearing a japanese middle school cosplay outfit is a better question.

No. 408086

probably just a weeb who gets their knowledge of nippon from anime.

No. 408088

i just feel empty

No. 408089

File: 1557332501412.jpg (883 KB, 1990x1620, givenup.jpg)

I don't know exactly what bullshit is going on with my brain chemistry but it's been spiraling for the past couple of years and I think I did a bad.

Couldn't face handing in my shitty unfinished dissertation (that I never even talked to my supervisor about since I felt too self conscious to arrange to meet this guy I've never met via email and/or give him my shit work) so just kinda didn't hand it in and now I'm probably gonna fail uni and have to move back in with my parents 200 miles away in my terminally boring hometown where nothing ever happens to anybody ever, only this time with about £100k in debt to show for it. My attendance is already garbage because sometimes if I was running really late I just wouldn't turn up because I felt too awkward bursting in in the middle of class. One time I came to class, realized that this particular lecture required class contribution that I was woefully unprepared for, puked in a trash can, nearly fainted and then didn't show up again for 3 weeks because I felt so so bad for inconveniencing everybody.

I suppose I might be able to repeat the year but I think I have to actually get diagnosed with an actual mental illness. I don't have a GP right now and the thought of having to talk to strangers to get one kinda makes me wanna go commit die, but at the same time I don't think I'm quite angsty enough to just turn up at A&E and try to get admitted to the loony bin so welp, guess I'll just lie here and wait for the sweet release of death

No. 408095


Anon that sounds like some awful social anxiety, please get help

No. 408097

Last month I was finally diagnosed with ASD at 30 and the only person I feel actually gets me is my boyfriend. I'd like to try and repair the relationships that I've fucked up with my isolation but I have no idea where to start and it's terrifying.

No. 408098

Getting a GP isn't that hard, I have really bad anxiety like you and managed to do it recently. You just need to go to the clinic that covers your area, ask the frontdesk for the form, sit down and fill that out for a while, then give it in. If you've got any friends you can take someone with you, they won't mind. There isn't much talking required, just the usual greetings and stating why you're there. I'm sure you can do it, and it would be really good for you.

No. 408101

File: 1557336424776.png (114.55 KB, 267x230, grouphmm.png)

I just found out the class withdrawal period during this semester is huge, and the last day is the same day my final is due.

My grade in this online class is currently a F and the final is 43% of the final grade. If I don't pass it I can't graduate and would have to take it again next spring. If I get a really high grade on it I might be able to scrape by for graduation. I'm not sure if my work would be good enough to pass but I can withdraw to avoid getting the F …this is a lot to think about two days before it's due.

No. 408103

I hate it when adults presume a child can't or won't understand something, or they personally would feel too guilty telling the truth, so they lie to them about big, important things. It's not a mercy, and the whole "preservation of innocence through ignorance" thing is nostalgia-tinted, delusional rubbish.
My parents did it to me a lot (and often still do), and not only did I feel stupid for believing them, it makes me feel like I can't trust them. Everything is a convenient half-truth.
If I ever have kids, I'll tell them the truth about the complicated things. I'd rather they be sad about reality and be able to grow healthy coping methods with my guidance and consolation, than let them remain blissfully unaware until life crashes down on their heads when they least expect it.
Don't tell a kid their father or mother or even their beloved pet is "coming back soon" when you know he's not, or that you're "just a little sick" when you're about to fucking die. Respect them more than that, for fuck's sake.

No. 408109

Admittedly I'm one of these people, sorry. Sometimes I don't know what to say or I'm afraid of saying something weird or out of line because of mental retardism. Albeit I'm self-aware enough to say more than "ok" and be enthusiastic when I say "nice!" and at the very least add something to continue the conversation with, sometimes my brain just comes to a dead end when trying to conjure an 'acceptable' response and I feel like it's better than just not replying at all. Who knows if that's the case with the people you talk to or if they really are just rude and lack common manners, but I figured I'd offer some insight into why some people do it.

No. 408112

This is actually a funny story. Wholesome, almost? In a very odd way.
Did you ever get the sleep you needed, anon?

No. 408118

It could just be me. I'm finding that a lot more guys in the dating scene aren't as proactive when it comes to communication and they expect women to chase after and dote on them more often.
I don't remember feeling forced to reach out so much, say like a few years ago, but these days it's like I have to initiate constantly.
Why are so many of them this fucking beta?
One guy I met off a dating app actually had the audacity to ask if I had been "avoiding" him. Why? Because I dared not texted him for a few days after I tried to invite him to a friend's party–which he rejected to go to claimining tiredness while later posting a social media status about not going to bed until 3am. Then days after that, I had to initiate a conversation again. And of course "hanging out" means I gotta go drive to his place, because it's convenient and cozy for him.

I know it's not every guy, but I'm seeing the same whiny and entitled patterns with many of them and it pisses me off so much.

No. 408122

Agreed. Furthermore, I wish people would teach children proper names of body parts. Why do most parents think that's gross/not okay? It's just anatomical correctness.

No. 408123

My ex best friend (haven't been friends for like 6 months, basically he was a shitty person and made me feel like shit constantly) just texted me this long ass message about how sorry he is and how the world needs more people like me because of how much I 'cared' and shit. He also said taking acid was his 'form of therapy' and he is in such a good place now. Like where was all this when we were friends and I stayed up all night talking him out of suicide. I was literally just a caretaker to him.

I just feel like sure maybe he really is ~changed but I've really been trying to work on my self esteem and not run back to shitty people. I told him I liked him before we stopped talking and I feel like he's just thinking he can get me to talk to him again because of my old feelings for him and he was like "I love you dude" like… sure.

No. 408134

I want to date my mutual crush. We just live so far away, it probably wouldn't work.

No. 408135

File: 1557345419178.jpg (1.08 MB, 3024x3024, er2xp0q1s2u21.jpg)

About a month ago I noticed my stomach starting to get bigger. I'm thin so it stuck out like a sore thumb. I thought I was either pregnant or getting very unfortunate fat distribution. The other day, though, it got so painful that all I could do was sit on the floor and cry. I went to the hospital, and found out that I had a massive (4 lb, softball or basketball sized) ovarian cyst… Fuck. Well, they kept me overnight and took it out the next day. (two days ago). I'm not so happy about the huge incision from my pelvic bone to above my belly button, but I am so happy that it's out of me, and I don't look pregnant anymore! I can't really walk much for the next few weeks. I never thought about how much stomach muscles you use to move your body.

No. 408137

Holy shit. I'm glad the operation went well and that your recovery will be swift.

I'm unsure if it will work for incision scars, but when my hips grew wider I had a few stretch marks that were quite dark. I rubbed Bio Oil on them religiously for weeks and now they've faded. If that bothers you, maybe you could try that?

No. 408138

maybe you could get a badass tattoo that features the scar once it’s all healed up. glad you’re okay anon, i hope your recovery goes as smooth as possible!

No. 408143

File: 1557347017583.jpg (807.21 KB, 2448x3264, t3_72h4gn.jpg)

I fucking hate being so tired every time I go to school. I only have to go 2 days a week (which is a blessing and a curse). But every time after school at home I just crash. No energy what so ever. I have been lying in bed for 4 hour just existing and feeling the tiredness in my body.

I don't think I have a deficiency as I take a multi vitamin every day, on top of a couple other mineral supplements (magnesium, potassium, fish oil).

I do workout at least 2 times a week (sometimes 3 to 4 times, really depends on the energy levels). I don't know. Maybe it's because I go so rarely that I just lost my school-stamina, or just a lot of mental exhaustion after minimal mental exhaustion, idk. I just freaking hate feeling like this and actually being useless.

No. 408144

god the sheer amount of faggots in taylor’s thread going “HEY FORMER/CURRENT CUTTER HERE” is so insanely autistic and cringey

how fucking pathetic do you have to be to announce on a malaysian pottery board that you cut yourself and therefore that gives you some amazing insight into whether or not some random bitch does too

i could maybe understand one or two posts but holy fuck there’s like 15 from multiple different attention whores. newsflash nobody fucking cares that you cut yourself stop announcing it and blogging jfc

No. 408146

I can’t relate to any of the dumb shit that most other people my age are freaking out about.

Friends got pissed at me for making a harmless joke about doing less well on tests than you expect. Your life is going to be fine if you don’t do amazingly on one of your exams.

No. 408151

Haha thanks, I was still feeling a bit awkward about it. I didn't sleep much but it was fine.

No. 408165

I fell for a 34 year old man. I always fall for older guys. I've been with guys my age but it's not as good… I hate my tastes. I'm 20.

No. 408167

That's literally so disgusting. I'm 25 and I can't imagine having any interest in a 34 yo, that age gap still seems waay too big for me, and a 34 yo man has to be a shitty, gross person if he's into a 20 year old. Idk if he's into you too, but there's very little chance a 34 yo will not use his power against a 20 yo girl in a relationship.

No. 408173

This is anecdotal evidence but my 21 year old best friend keeps dating men who are 30-something, and she gets abused and fucked over every time. They've all been really immature men who were unemployed or had an unstable job, an unstable living situation (and took advantage of her renting a nice flat they could move into), made her do all the chores without ever being grateful, and even cheated on her. It makes me think that most 30-somethings who would be willing to date a woman that young are very immature themselves, insecure, and want to have some sort of leverage against their partner.

No. 408177

I hate this, too. I am talking to this guy who seems really interested and actually sometimes contacts me first, but he is so incredibly bad at conversation. Why even text me if all you can say is "hahaha nice"?! I think he is a bit inexperienced or shy (at first I honestly thought he is on the spectrum but that doesn’t seem to be the case), but I really make it easy for him by being very affirmative and showing obvious interest. I also ask him questions and the most natural thing would be "So, how about you?", but he can’t even do that. I swear, I think shy betas are so cute, but I am going back to self-confident alpha guys that know how to talk to me.

No. 408186

File: 1557356346118.jpg (231.47 KB, 1200x954, Do55ow9U0AA2jKr.jpg)

I think I was raped when I was 12, but I've never perceived the thing as rape until recently. I'm 22 now, and I've never told this to anybody, not even close friends.
For some reason, my mom used to encourage me to date even when I was still a literal kid. So when I was 11, a boy 2 years older than me started hitting on me. I had no interest in him, I just wanted to play sonic and stardoll, but the boy was so annoying and insistent and my mom said "poor boy, why don't you date him?", so I ended up accepting. We dated for 3 years. It was pretty innocent at the beginning, we would just kiss and hold hands, but after some time, he started to try to touch me and want some more. My mom told me: if you have sex with him once, you can't stop anymore, he's going to always want it.
Despite enjoying messing around like a horny teenager, I didn't feel ready, but when I was 12, I gave in. I hated it, it was terrible. I cried a lot because I felt dirty, I thought I was a sinner who would rot in hell (at that time I still had religious beliefs).
Even though I hated it so much, I kept having sex with him whenever he wanted, because of my mom's words. I was so naive, I thought that just because he was my boyfriend, I had to accept that. But it was horrible. I remember being still while he took off my clothes and shoved his dick into me, and I just waited for him to finish. It hurt, sometimes I would contract myself so he couldn't put his dick in me, and I remember crying once or twice, because I really didn't want that… But I never said "no". Not even once I said I didn't want that.
I once complained to my mom that I didn't like it and didn't want to it anymore, that I never even had an orgasm, but she kinda blamed me for not liking it and gave me "tips" to try to enjoy it more (wtf). I even tried doing what she said, but of course it didn't work. Also, I didn't even liked the guy that much. Being with him it was kind of a chore, and when he left I was happy to go back to my games, animu and fanfic again. I broke up with the guy multiple times but he'd never leave me alone until we come back again, even though he cheated on me all the time (and I've came to know about this years later).
What I find weird until today is that there's no way that guy didn't know I didn't want to have sex with him. Teenagers can be dumb and clueless, but I think it was obvious. Maybe he didn't care, just wanted someone to put his dick in almost everyday. I also don't understand how I standed that for a year or so, and how my mom let that happen. I even told her that I cried once but I don't even remember her reaction. But I blamed myself, I thought I was a bad girlfriend for being frigid.
After the last time I broke up, I thought myself as dirty and used, for losing my virginity at such a tender age. I developed some kind of complex - I thought that no one would want me anymore, so I had to stay with him forever. So even thought I didn't give a shit about him when we were together, after breaking up, I cried almost everyday. I never told my friends about having sex with him, I lied about being a virgin, but then someone (probably him) spreaded that to the school and it made me feel much worse.
I felt like shit for years, and as if it wasn't bad, when I was 15 I dated an asshole that would shame me for losing my virginity early, even thought I lied about the age I lost it - I said it was 14. The next one broke up with me when he found out. The next one couldn't accept it and used to throw tantrums quite frequently.
Until today, I still blame myself. How the fuck did I let that happen? How was I so fucking dumb? Why did I dated so many guys when I was a teenager? Why didn't I just stay just playing my dumb bratz and sonic games and watching naruto instead of dating?
Thinking about it now, maybe it's the source to all my other insecurities that came after and led to suicidal thoughts when I was 16. Fuck, how I wish I could go back in time and tell that guy to go to hell or something.

No. 408187

I get it, it's why I don't pursue those relationships or reveal my feelings about those men to them. I don't feel as attracted to young guys or even guys who are older than me but younger than 30.
I don't know what it is, I wish I didn't have this preference but never pursued a relationship with an older man beyond talking over the internet.

No. 408188

one of my friends is about to marry a mid 30s dude when she's 21. it's her 1st relationship too which only creeps me out even more, i'm struggling to be a supportive friend because i'm afraid of accidentally offending her in some way but not being exactly enthusiastically supportive of her fiance. i hope he's a decent man but the odds are low, i really don't want her to get hurt

No. 408189

My best friend/roomate has been talking about marriage with her boyfriend, and it’s her 1st relationship. I know that works out for some people but that just seems so weird to me, there’s a lot of things I put up with in the first few relationships I was in that I didn’t put into perspective until I was in different relationships. Sorry for derailing a bit since it’s not about age gaps, but I’ve just been really freaked out about marrying the first guy you’ve ever been with.

No. 408190

There's nothing wrong with liking older guys as long as he's not a bad person in general. Don't beat yourself up for your tastes just because other people have different ones. I've always had a thing for older guys.

Sounds like you grew up in a seriously low class area. Your mom is really to blame for encouraging that kind of behavior.
I don't know how many years ago that happened but you really should forgive yourself, realize you were just a kid and couldn't think critically and try to move on with your life. Maybe therapy.

No. 408191

You were 12. 12! The only people to blame are your nutjob mom (seriously wtf was she thinking) and that horrible older boy. Teenage boys are idiots, yeah, but they also can pretty much be demons with zero empathy while being completely aware of the implications of what they're doing. It's not your fault what happened to you. Imagine if something like this happened to another girl. You wouldn't tell her it was her fault, right? When you want to blame yourself imagine your younger self asking you if she is to blame. She's not. You're not. I wish I could change the past for you because no one deserves to have gone through such horrible things. But I hope some day soon you will be able to let go of the weight of blaming yourself for it.

No. 408192

anon i'm so sorry about all of that happening to you. none of it is your fault, it is chiefly your mom (seriously, who tf gives sex tips to a 12 year old daughter who's complaining she doesn't want to fuck/be raped by her boyfriend) and the guy too, no matter how hormonal and desperate to get his dick wet, it sounds like you were making it obvious you didn't want that sort of contact.
it does sound fairly traumatic and probably influenced all the things you mentioned down the line. if you feel like you can't tell your friends about this, maybe consider going to a therapist? it doesn't seem like you are quite over it and therapy could help!

No. 408193

I'm so sorry to hear than anon. Just know that it's never your fault and virginity is arbitrary! You are no less of a human being no matter when you lose it. I really hope you have people who are there for you! Go you for being so strong anon!

No. 408196

no, i understand! it would be less creepy in my friend's case if the age gap was more normal, but the thought of marrying your 1st boyfriend creeps me out on its own too. like the typical hs sweetheart trajectory for example is so idealised, yet i haven't seen it work out once irl.

i'm not sure if it is worse or better that she was a "late bloomer" and they started dating him at 19 but the age gap on top of it all just makes kill bill sirens go off in my head every time i think about it. also her family situation makes her even more vulnerable and i don't think it's my place to go into it, but it makes me worry about the dynamic of her relationship even more. i just wish i could talk openly with her about it without her getting mad at me or know in some way that everything will pan out ok haha

No. 408208

Thank you, I'll definitely be looking into that. I tell everyone that I won't mind any scarring, but deep down I kinda do, of course. I chose staples because of their efficiency and strength over dissolvable stitches.

Haha thank you anon, I tbought about that too. :)

No. 408217

I didn't even realize my friend is with her high school sweetheart until you brought up the high school sweetheart angle, ugh. Her parents have the only great marriage I've seen because her parents were in their late 20s/early 30s when they started dating so I think she figures that's how marriage will be? But obviously her parents were like, mature established adults with lives outside of each other before they got married and had kids. I just can't even imagine someone's first heartbreak being a divorce, I just want all my friends to be happy forever which I know isn't realistic ugh its so hard!

No. 408222

>I just can't even imagine someone's first heartbreak being a divorce
i think this is what gets me the most too! if your first relationship is your "the one" relationship, the normal stakes are just pushed so much higher, which can't be good imo. like in my mind, first relationships are like baby steps, you are making mistakes naturally and that's to be expected, it's a learning experience. sure your emotions are all over the place and conflicts/breakups suck, but imagine being officially, legally tied on top of it all. i'm glad your friend at least has good role models to look up to marriage wise, maybe that'll help, but i totally empathise with you being worried over this!

No. 408231

It's scary how much my mind deteriorates now I'm in my mid 20s. There are childhood memories where I'm not sure anymore if they are actual memories, imagination or dreams.

No. 408233

File: 1557368144601.png (680.19 KB, 1002x664, Screen Shot 2019-03-19 at 10.5…)

im 23 years old and i realized that so much of me as a person is just trying to be liked and its like sad and pathetic honestly, im trying to come up with my first thesis exhibition theme that is hyped to be a culmination of all ive learned while at art school and i realized what i do, i do to appeal to what someone wants, i literally don't have my own clear distinct interests and themes to explore because i draw for other people to tell me they like it. I love what i do and i always have but like holy shit i don't have a fucking personality. and if i just pulled solely from my own heart i just draw about being fucking depressed so like i don't do that because then i have to show people

No. 408255

my flatmate threw up in a bag and put the bag in the bin but holy fuck can I feel the smell. real tb hours to my family's alcohol problem! I do understand it's the middle of the night and she'll get rid of it in the morning, I just wish I had slept thru all this.

No. 408277

hey not sure if you see this but I suffer from sleep issues too including chronic sleep paralysis and before/after sleep hallucinations. My mom doesnt get it either even though she suffers from similar things. Doctors wont give me meds for sleep so I take benadryl on nights where I have to wake up early. There is nothing worse than having sleep issues because it makes getting mentally and physically healthy very difficult. I feel your frustration.

No. 408279

Why are men so fucking self absorbed. Who fucking cares if you have a crush on me. I’m not going to fuck you. I’ve been in a relationship for over five years. I’m not going to date you. Get over yourself. Stop calling me names and telling me that “you don’t hate” me” literally does not matter. Maybe you should hate me because then you’d leave me alone.

No. 408286

I'm w you, girl. Men are turbo retarded lmao

No. 408288

Being out somewhere (that you really don't want to be) for 8+ hours is exhausting no matter what. But I'll give you a nice pro tip that those multivitamins you're taking are useless and probably fucking up your body chemistry at worst. If your physician didn't say you were deficient on anything, you shouldn't be taking anything you don't need and it definitely wouldn't be a multivitamin. Taking a bunch of certain single supplements without any advisor can also be clashing with each other. Also recommend switching to flaxseed oil if you need fatty acids as fish oil is just not as useful and has unsafe contaminants in them. Company also matters, you get what you pay for and where. Wouldn't recommend any vitamin at walmart, cvs, or the sort.

No. 408302

>confessing you have a crush on someone in a committed relationship

why do men do this all the fucking time

No. 408315

Thank you for your advice, i'm from the EU so we have different regulations regarding medicine and stuff. I do need a multi vitamin just so I get my vitamin D, iron and B12, the rest is just so everything is covered (non of the vitamins go beyond 100%, my doctor said that was fine).
Did not know about the fish oil, i'll look into that.

No. 408323

Fish oil is good for you! It also contains vit D, it's why food in Northern Europe is very fish-heavy. So a multivitamin + fish oil might be overkill. I've heard from a doctor that vit D supplements alone aren't as effective as walking outside on a sunny day and eating fish once a week. I've tried the Möller brand and it's nice.

Instead of a multivitamin, maybe switch to a nutrition drink like Ovomaltine/Ovaltine? It still has vitamins but less, and is easier to digest than supplements. Plus it lasts a lot longer, tastes good and helps you sleep.

Overall, I think a healthier diet and more exercise would do wonders for you. Emphasis on exercise, maybe do some jogging now that the weather's getting better (though where I live it just snowed… in May).

No. 408350

I'm really tired of hearing about the royal baby.

As a biracial woman myself, the same mix as Megan. I'm sick to death of people nitpicking this child apart only a day or so, since it's been ripped out of her womb.

It's either "Will the baby have an afro?" or "Will it have red hair?" or "Will he have light eyes?" or "Will he have thick lips?"

I just sigh.

Obviously, quarter-caste (Quadroons) babies to mixed and white parents always look more white. They're like whites with slightly black features. Like a lighter hue of what a direct mixed person like Megan, Obama, Halle Berry ect myself look like. Usually have lighter eyes, looser hair, very light tan skin or even white skin.

It's just depressing.

I feel like we as mixed people and these white mixed kids are zoo animals. Especially now. As if the fetishisation of mixed people isn't bad enough. You've got the Kardashians and their pile of mixed kids. You've got weebs wanting half Japanese babies and the Kpop weirdos wanting a half korean white kid. It's fucked up.

I feel like people forget we're human and not photoshop designer people or some shit.

But if you complain as a biracial person, you're assumed to be bragging or get the "You don't know the struggle". Mixed people have their own struggle and some people don't realise this.

Personally, I am happy for Megan and Harry. I'm happy for William and Kate. I'm happy for all new parents around the world with their new babies. It's a lovely thing.

But I just hate how mixed kids are still shredded apart and expect to have certain features, if they don't then they disappoint. It's so dehumanising.

No. 408356

The worst are people who marry someone of another ethnicity / encourage their friends and kids to marry someone of another ethnicity because "you'll make pretty babies!". It sounds like breeding cattle. And it becomes worse the trendier it is.

On a related note, I also like the thought behind inclusion and diversity but so many companies are hopping on the bandwagon and competing who will have the most "diverse" and "yooneeq" models for social justice points to a point of making it so empty and disingenuous. Yeah it's cool that you got a conventionally pretty freckled ginger black girl with vitiligo for your campaign but why doesn't that inclusiveness translate to what they're actually selling? Easier yet, why don't they just include everyday fucking people off the streets into their campaigns?
I'm glad that at least some foundation shades and clothing cuts are more available, but even then it's only a certain kind of fat person that is catered to and only certain kind of deep skintone.

No. 408359

I think part of me wants a baby? I've always thought I'd never want one but now I catch myself finding babies and kids just so cute and funny and wouldn't it be great to have one.

I'm probably never going to have one because thousand reasons. I'v also been watching 'Friends' and they are just multiplying so it's been on my mind.

No. 408373

the last time I felt that way, I volunteered with some young girls. lovely girls, but I got my IUD in now 👍

No. 408383

I'll meet a guy I met on the internet next month and I'm freaking the fuck out. Unless I'm drunk I feel super anxious before those things, he's doesn't drink so we'll be just having some coffee. I can't wait…

No. 408431

yo I love the dog park but hate the people sometimes so I'm gonna do a long vent.

brought my 20-pound miniature poodle to the dog park. there are two separate sections, one for big dogs (over 30pounds) one for small dogs (under 30pounds.) As we're approaching, I watch a woman bring her 50+pound German Shepherd from the big side to the little side. When we get into the park, the owner is like "oh what a cutie! my dog will love him!!" And I'm like "uh yeah, my dog isn't going to love yours, he does not appreciate big dogs being in the small dog side." I don't say it rudely, I tell my dog to walk away so I can pat her dog, I tell her how handsome her dog is and how I wish my dog liked everyone. She respectfully goes back to the big dog side.

Half an hour later, there are no other dogs in the little dog side but there are 3 big dogs and one small dog (like, 10 pounds, 8months old) in the big dog side. We chilled, we enjoyed the sun, and on the way out my dog stands by the gate to the big dog side (if he doesn't get enough socialization he likes to take a lap around that side and bump noses before we leave.) The woman with the German Shepherd is like "what are you doing in here??? I thought your dog HATES big dogs" in a snippy voice and I'm like "no, he doesn't hate big dogs, he just likes to have a 'safe' area and then be able to leave his comfort zone if he chooses to" and she was PISSED, dragged the owner of the other small dog to the corner and avoided all interaction with me until I left. We took a lap, my dog was totally fine with all the other dogs, then he sat in my lap as I talked to this old guy who started saying weird shit but was being overall pleasant. my dog got overwhelmed by the rough play after a little bit so we left.

I'm like yes, I did bring him to the big side, but only after he got to relax in the small side comfortably, and only because he asked to switch to the big side. It's about having the choice, and the comfort zone. If there are big dogs in the big side and big dogs in the little side, there is no comfortable option for my small dog. It's not fair to give him 0 options when your dog is clearly happy and comfortable everywhere. Also, the signs say "NO big dogs in small area" and "small dogs SHOULD use small area" so like only one of us was actually breaking the rules of the park here.

No. 408436

Seeing japan vlogs of kawaii uguu youtubers triggers me so much. Stop touching fucking everything in the shop, there are other people who enter and actually want to buy them. Stop filming shop personel and focussing on random people. Stop squealing, it's so embarrassing.

No. 408438

Just a side note there are probably people with big dogs who are scared of small dogs starting shit that they can't defend themselves from (small dog syndrome is a stereotype for a reason) that might lead to their big dog getting put down, so please do try to stick to the small dog park

No. 408439

I still live at home and I live in the room across from my mom and she loves to gossip about me, usually to my own sister. She didn't realize my door was open slightly (and still doesn't, I was just planning on checking my computer then go back downstairs but I got distracted) and started talking in a hushed voice about a disagreement we got into over politics. I guess the difference here is after I get into a disagreement with her I usually just drop it unless it was a full blown argument that stresses me out and even then I usually just vent to one of my friends and then I move on but she always finds a way to gossip about it to our own family members.

I can't wait to move out.

No. 408441

the woman had every right to get mad tbh, you didn't respect the rules whilst she did (after being reminded)

No. 408442

The posted rules (literally posted on the gate to each park) make it clear, as well as the fact that there are almost always small dogs in the big dog side. Like I stated, there was already a small dog in the big side today before we entered, because it's not against the rules to have a small dog in the big section. The reverse is against the rules, though.

No. 408444

My 95lb dog is terrified of little dogs and we constantly have owners of little dogs with their pups off-leash in public parks thinking that EVERYONE wants to play with their pup. If you're going to get upset about big dogs being in the small dog section, you shouldn't be hypocritical and bring your little dog into the big dog section–it doesn't matter if the sign says they SHOULD stay out of the big dog section or not.

No. 408445

I felt this!!
Nothing makes me feel truly happy anymore. And there is nothing I can do about it, it seems. I barely get excited about things anymore. But get this. How fucking come I am feeling butterflies and so giddy over this one guy I know long distance who I've never met but nobody else and nothing else can make me feel the same way?? It drives me crazy and it's depressing that I can't do anything about it and can't change how I feel towards things.

No. 408446

You sound like you're being entitled ngl. If your small dog gets hurt rough-housing with a big dog, the big dog is going to get punished because you were irresponsible by bringing your small dog into a big dog area of the park. Not only that, but how are you going to give the lady a hard time for bringing her dog to the small dog section and then bring your small dog into the big dog section afterwards? If you had a toddler, would you bring that toddler into the big kid's park despite having your own designated area for your toddler that was safer for someone of their size?

No. 408448

File: 1557425539065.png (1.23 MB, 1094x1414, 8q1OF6W.png)

i sure do love paying for medical insurance that i cannot afford to use anyway!

No. 408492

If my "toddler" was done at the "toddler park" and wanted to walk once around the "all ages" park (not "big kids only", as there usually are, and in fact are already on that day, toddlers playing there with the big kids in accordance with the rules) to say hi to everyone before leaving, yeah I would be fine with that. sure he could get hurt in that short time, but that's a risk every parent accepts by being at the "all ages" park. and the "toddler park" as well for that matter. no park is risk-free.

anyway yeah I see what y'all are getting at, and I have more I could add, but I mostly don't care enough anymore, just wanted to vent. don't have the energy to argue. we'll keep going back to that park anyway

No. 408495

Sounds like it was a misunderstanding, it might have helped if you were more clear about what you meant, to be honest.
There's a difference between "My dog doesn't like everyone" and "My dog's a sweetheart, but gets kind of skittish at first, especially around big dogs. I'd like to give him/her a bit of time to relax and feel safe, and s/he'll definitely catch up with yours soon". It sounds like the latter was more accurate, and she probably would've understood.

No. 408497

File: 1557433682014.png (77.07 KB, 382x394, gdi.png)

Anxiety holds me back so much. I realise that I feel highly motivated, when I'm feeling angry or spiteful. Once that pissed off feeling goes away I'm left really timid and hating myself for overthinking everything I do to the point of feeling sick.
I remember hearing someone saying something like, it's quite full of yourself/narcissistic to think everyone is constantly staring at you and thinking about what you are doing all the time. And I know that, but it doesn't stop my brain from thinking that I'm acting/look like a complete fool that everyone hates all the time.
I wish I could go back in time to when I was 11 and still a confident little shit who wanted to be a famous actress and wanted to have lots of friends. It's true what they say that you spend your entire life getting over high school cause I feel like I've been fucked over by the experiences I had. this is convoluted but i'm crying and tired and really needed to vent.

No. 408501

I mean nothing to the people I love the most and they can't make an effort to make me feel appreciated.
I'm tired of being always the second option to everyone.

No. 408505

Have you ever tried CBT? There are even some free apps for it shown to be really effective too if you can't afford or access or want to do in-person therapy. It can help a lot in starting to form new mental patterns that combat the old habits of mind-reading and other thought distortions that make you feel like shit because your thoughts are telling you that everyone hates you and is judging you harshly.

No. 408506

i am so relieved to go no contact with my mom. she honestly believes i have to defend her when my friends and other loved ones defend me. i had my family members demand i put my friends "in check". absolutely pathetic. we're all adults here. i can't control my friends actions. and if it's in defense of me, of course i'm not gonna tell them "lol hey that's not very nice to be rude to a my family member so uhhhh don't do that" like really? when my family members are the ones belittling me? nah.

No. 408507

I feel you! It is awful to have to do it (like in the moment telling them you don't want to be in contact) but afterwards it's the MOST freeing feeling. I went no-contact with my dad between Christmas and New Year's (I went to his house a few days before Christmas against my will, but as a "I'll do this one last nice gesture and then cut it off" kind of thing) and he kinda trapped me into agreeing to see him like a week later, when we usually don't see each other more than twice a year (if I'm lucky. more would be bad.) I emailed him two days after Christmas and told him I didn't want to see him or hear from him again until I reached out first. The first month was weird because he sent me a random email about something stupid clearly to test the waters. His birthday was in late March and I didn't reach out and even though I was nervous about it beforehand, I'm so so so glad I didn't. Now he knows I'm serious about wanting to be away from him. It's like breathing fresh air for the first time. I don't know how I could ever want him in my life again, but I don't have to worry about that until (if) it happens.

one of my sisters is kinda no-contact with him, but she never explicitly told him that, so she's in this weird murky "I will never answer a call or an email but if I have to see you I'll pretend nothing is wrong" place with him now. At least she lives 2000 miles away. Whereas I'm within 50 miles but like "DO NOT EVEN BOTHER" and it feels so good to have that firmly in place.

No. 408509

it's been an interesting couple of days for me. i have no more connections to her. nothing i own is in her name anymore. the moment i dropped off my keys and phone and drove off i felt extremely anxious and like i did something wrong. this happened a few hours ago so i still feel on edge, but this is for the best and to improve the quality of my life.

No. 408514

It'll get better every day. I totally understand the ickiness, since it's always drilled into our heads like "they're your parent! they do their best, even if they're not perfect they'll always love you! you just aren't trying hard enough to meet in the middle!" like no. I don't owe them anything just because they forced me to exist and then did a shitty job of raising me (which they are obligated to do with 0 expectation of being repaid because that's what parenting fucking is.) If they fucked up bad enough that their child doesn't want to see them ever again, that's on them. not on the child.

give it two weeks and you'll feel so much better. it's honestly the biggest relief. you don't have to see her again. you don't owe her anything and you're FREE anon!!

No. 408521

Fucking hate that my entire family squeezes the toothpaste tub closer to the nozzle than the back end. JUST SQUEEZE FROM THE BACK END!! You push everything forward all at once and it comes out so you don't have to push back and forth on the tube to make the toothpaste come out!! Why is this such a fucking hard concept to understand!!

No. 408526

my dad had this whack-ass girlfriend for a few years and she used to always just like place the cap back on the tube without screwing it on at all and he would always get SO MAD when it would fall off when he picked it up. She called it her "fatal flaw" (lmao)

once we all went out to eat at this Italian restaurant and she literally ordered a salad and a BOWL of marinara sauce. just sauce. and she ate it like soup. first she unscrewed the cap to the parmesan cheese shaker that was on the table and poured a bunch of that in. and wouldn't ya know it, my dad goes to pick up the parmesan after her and the cap isn't screwed on and it comes loose like 2 inches into the air and parmesan goes EVERYWHERE. he was SO so so angry, she was screaming "IT'S MY FATAL FLAW!!!!" and my sisters and I were just trying our best not to laugh.

No. 408527

Oh my fucking god that's hilarious anon. I'd also go fucking nuts if someone wouldn't just screw the damn cap back on but what the fuck is wrong with her just eating all that sauce lol

No. 408528

I feel so fucking lonely. I wish someone would care for me. Anyone.

No. 408541

File: 1557446600134.jpg (40.38 KB, 480x319, gallery-1521027456.jpg)

I'm tired of the current political and consumerist climate. Been on the web since IRC and finally deleted all my social media this year. Nothing feels genuine anymore and you are constantly bombarded by ads by companies and mutuals. Buy this buy that tag this tag that, why feel satisfied when you are missing out on this new thing? Younger generations don't realize that planned obsolescence SHOULDN'T be normal. And product quality is becoming indirectly proportionate to its price. No I don't want to buy different versions of the same game. No I don't care about your indistinguishable brand and etsy store. No my refusal to pay exorbitant ticket prices to see a multi million dollar company's movie does not mean I'm a misogynist.

Social media feels like a sea of narcissists competing to scream the loudest and I'm fucking exhausted.

No. 408543

Speaking for myself, I care about all you bitches on lolcow and wish you only the best. I hope things get better for you Anon.

No. 408553

I've been so miserable lately, unstable housing situation, I gained weight and now lost 3 hours of work because of my bosses needing me at another store that has less hours for me.

No. 408555

Some of the people who care for you are too shy to show it. Try getting them in a situation with alcohol.

No. 408560

it feels good. i've had so many cousins of mine and my half-sister unrelated to my mom, come to me with support and love and advice. a lot of them have done similar with their moms even have them on file for harassment.

the moment i came home seeing the fact my mom deactivated her facebook, her most favorite place to show off her narcissistic ways, i knew i did something right.
she made a complete fool of herself. all i did was share a picture of her texts threatening me with the police multiple times for ignoring her multiple requests a day and she went into crazy mode. bringing up nitpicky shit unrelated to me, writing like an angsty teenager, just talking about people i'm close to and how terrible they are of a person. like for 6 hours she had something new to say and the funniest thing is i still ignored her. i let her go off writing her paragraphs. she went to bed and first thing in the morning was go back to my picture to say something else, still about things unrelated to me. she started deleting her older comments, editing her comments with emojis and wording them differently… i got to see it ALL. she couldn't win. and finally she started demanding i delete the photo. almost 12 hours after she dressed it all up with her rants and my friends offering me support. it was beautiful. i felt in control with her for once.
i honestly felt sort of bad at first for posting it on facebook but she was trying to be all cryptic about it on hers for days with the posts she was sharing. victimizing herself and some mysterious bad person in her life, it made me feel terrible because i literally had just been doing nothing besides ignoring her. i'm sure she had a great time telling her coworkers about her heartbreaking family issues.

No. 408562

you really should be off the internet if you can't deal with things like that tbh.

No. 408566

My ex and I broke up a while ago, and I saw him tagged in a post with his new gf and it sent me spinning.

I knew he cheated on me but with someone else but gaslit and manipulated yadda yadda so I stayed. He always told me not to worry about THIS girl because "She's just some slut, I don't even talk to her" "She's some whore, don't worry." but fuck dude it just threw me like a wheel down a hill.

No. 408567

Take solace in the fact that he'll treat her the exact same way he treated you and she, hopefully, will tell him to get fucking lost. Once an abuser, always an abuser.

No. 408571

It's also they started getting together while he was trying to get me back and now I don't know how long they were having sex and now I have to go get an STD test in a foreign country and I feel like a fucking fool.

I know I shouldn't dwell but I'm so angry because I don't know how long I was the town laughingstock.

No. 408572

Thank god you let him go. Try to avoid his social media if possible, and remember how fortunate you are to be done with him. He's clearly an awful deceitful person, good riddance. He's only a part of a past chapter in your life now and things will be better from now on.

No. 408588

I wish my dog would just shut the fuck up and stop crying all day. I give him everything and he‘s just a needy bastard.
I work from home so I hear him most of the time crying. I don‘t know how I can teach him to finally stop. As soon as my husband comes home from work he stops crying. I know why he does that but at this point, not even our private dog trainer can help.

No. 408591

I'm so angry at my bf! Whenever I have a discussion with him in public, he always gets really loud about it so that everyone hears it and thinks I'm some dominant bitch.

No. 408609

i hate it when people are really pushy about you going out just to make you feel like the asshole for not having any fun once youre there

my partner invited me to this bar after going back and forth about it for half an hour and i felt on edge the entire time. i felt stupid, like a killjoy for showing up but not like really engaging.

i was feeling shitty and anxious about it and slipped back to the car. its 2 hours past closing time and my partners still off hanging out with a friend. Its been storming pretry badly all night and its nearly 4am

i feel upset with them. I feel more upset cause i feel like its my fault for not trying harder to have fun or socialize. I want to be angry at them but im the one that decided to sit in a car and act all pathetic but i still want to be mad at them

i just want to go back home but considering i havent heard from still, i have no idea when thatll be. im so upset

No. 408619

I legitimately hate that my boyfriend watches porn. I feel like what's the point to me even sending him nudes and being sexual with him at all then? Like why are you bothering with me when you also will just go and jerk off to some random slut idgi

No. 408621

Have you talked to him about it? Plenty of men will just assume that their partners will be fine with it and are willing to stop watching if told otherwise

No. 408623

Don't be afraid to share your feelings about porn with him, my bf stopped watching porn after I told him it made me feel disrespected and less special because I knew for a fact men picture themselves having sex with the actress on screen.
Our sex life got way better since and he's very happy about letting go of porn now.

No. 408634

I know this is nitpicky, but why do dudes always feel the need to tell me that I look 'good' without makeup and natural hair like I'm some kind of all-natural woman. Bitch, who asked you for your opinion. You think I roll out of bed and decide to put on makeup or not based on your taste? No, I was running late. Then they want to act all woke because they think they're the only men on the planet who love N A T U R A L women. Eat my entire ass.

No. 408684

ugh that shit is so fucking 2006. how have they not realized it’s not for them. i put on makeup because experimenting with colourful shadows and cut creases and highlighter and glitter is fun as fuck, not because it makes penises hard. i’ve tried to explain this to several men and they’re so fucking obtuse, they literally don’t want to understand things, they just want everything to be exactly how they think it is in their shite little bubbles. pathetic.

No. 408694

I hate my small chest and I hate the fact that almost everything in real life and on the internet seems to be a constant reminder that "if you aren't a natural DD you're not a REAL woman and nobody will find you attractive" and I almost wanna get a plastic surgery to get rid of my self-esteem issues but at the same time I really don't wanna do that because it seems so shallow and stupid and I know bigger boobs would just be bothersome but I feel so unsexy and undesirable all the time because I don't have massive boobs to show off and I'm also constantly afraid that my bf will leave me for some other girl with better boobs even though he has several times stated that he likes my boobs and that there's nothing wrong with them and I feel like I'm an awful gf when I drag him down with me when I get depressed about my body. I hate this.

No. 408697

but anon, having a small chest means you get to wear all the cute bralettes i can’t wear because they make me look like someone’s grandma lol. and you can get away with not even having to wear a bra if you don’t want and nobody will give you shit for it. there’s a lot of shirt styles that look way cuter on small chests imo, like cropped shirts and sweaters tend to look really cute on that type of figure. i hope one day you feel at peace with your chest and learn to love it anon, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, but if you ever do decide to get surgery that’s not a bad thing either. do what makes you happiest in the long run.

No. 408709

I…kind of know that feel? I feel pressure to get implants and that I should want/have bigger breasts even if I don't actually want them. I'm a pear so sometimes worry my figure is "incomplete" even though internally I'm happy with it lmao.

Just remember that implants can fuck up in so many ways wrt your health. Look up some horror stories of women's bodies rejecting them or poisoning them and shit, hearing that always scares me out of it. As well as the cost.

Also many men do like them, I know that's a big anxiety for me too (especially since I have no one at the moment). You may be anti-porn (me too tbh), but subreddits exist that are dedicated to nudes of flat ladies of all shapes and sizes. And men who are more into either butt or legs also exist.

Also what >>408697 said. I recall an hourglass anon posting recently about how difficult it is to find clothes because of both her bust and hips. It's nice to just walk into a store and be able to buy cute tops, right?

No. 408710

Thank you both. I know it's easier to live with smaller boobs and I don't even know really what I would do with bigger ones unless I started whoring myself to patreon or something. I've been trying to be positive about my wide hips and such since at least I have an ass and I'm also too scared about the possible complications following surgery to ever actually do it but sometimes the feeling of being unsexy gets just so… overwhelming. I'm not anti-porn, really, it's just kinda depressing to see girls with massive tits get praise and attention and when I see anything sexy featuring my own body type it's some loli shit most of the time.

No. 408711

my bf won't have sex with me anymore. i'm trying not to be upset about it but i feel so ugly and gross

No. 408712

Have you talked to him about it? Surely there must be a reason for that, I know I would be so fuckin upset. Maybe have a conversation with him about it and see if there's something lacking in your sex life or if you could do something to spice it up?

No. 408713

File: 1557513426282.jpg (76.42 KB, 891x1100, 8aa631187d0dece4e799d759a3197f…)

It probably doesn't mean much coming from an anonymous stranger but for real, having smaller boobs isn't an automatic death sentence for your appearance. Personally, I always wished I had smaller boobs since I thought they make girls look chic and slim, and cute tiny tops always look adorable and flattering on small chests. I'm sure lots of other people would agree that small boobs can be just as attractive and desirable as bigger ones.

Audrey Hepburn is regarded as one of the most beautiful women and has been for decades, and she had a small bust. People admired her beauty for her slim figure, not in spite of it. Marilyn Monroe and other stars had bigger boobs, but that didn't stop people from also thinking that Audrey was beautiful too.
It fucking sucks being ruled by your physical insecurities, I certainly know that firsthand, and I really hope that you can learn to appreciate your body and know that you can absolutely be sexy and beautiful and womanly no matter your chest size.

No. 408716

Since you're not anti-porn, here's two subreddits:

Many aren't lolibait, either.

No. 408722

yeah we've talked about it. he says that he "over thinks" it and i don't think he's lying when he says that, i just don't know what he means by that and how i can help him. he apologizes to me and when i tell him i'm not upset (i don't want to make him feel bad even though i am very upset) he says that he's upset about it and that he's trying to work on it. i just don't know what to do. i keep crying over it because it hurts so badly.
i'm really shy about asking for things and before all of this he would initiate sex usually but since this has been happening i tried to initiate but he always rejected me so i just stopped trying because it just hurts too much. he doesn't seem to have any kinks at all either. i've told him i'm open to trying things but he hasn't taken me up on my offer. I think he’s fine with being vanilla so I don’t think that’s the problem
honestly, i think he's depressed. this had been a problem for almost a year. he used to tell me that he was "tired" which i understood cause he works hard. then he quit his job and it was the same thing while he was unemployed, and now he has another job and it just keeps getting worse.
it's like there is a giant elephant in the room every night when we go to sleep. i don't know if talking about it more is going to make the situation better.

sorry for the novel i'm just at a loss and i'm scared this is going to ruin our relationship. It’s kinda funny though because when we were starting to move in with each other he was worried I would stop having sex with him but the tables have definitely turned.

No. 408723

>it's just kinda depressing to see girls with massive tits get praise and attention
Do you really want "praise" and attention from men who are obsessed with one body feature, though?
I have a B cup myself, and honestly after seeing and hearing so many times guys saying shit like "oh this girl looks meh but I'm having sex with her because of her big boobs" and other disrespectful things, it seems big breasts are a douchebag magnet.
Besides if you have wide hips and a round butt there is zero reason you shouldn't feel womanly.

No. 408726

I know it’s dumb, the constant fetishization and overexposure from every direction is just overwhelming. Mostly I’m just paranoid my bf finds my small boobs disappointing but won’t tell me about it, even though that’s even more dumb.

No. 408727

I know how you feel but I never considered surgery because it's one of my phobia, even though a lot of people encouraged it. I don't think surgery by itself will help for your self-esteem issues unless you're lucky and everything goes perfectly well. My sister got a nosejob as a teenager for the same reason and while people made less fun of her I don't think she particularly felt all that much better about herself until years later. See if there are ways you can improve your self-esteem before considering surgery because that's very drastic and it can go very wrong and fuck you up even more.

Not her but I'm less than a A cup and I almost never find bralettes my size that look good and can be fully covered by trendy clothes. I like what Savage Fenty has so far but all the sales they have are limited to the customers who buy a subscription of some kind nowadays.

No. 408742

File: 1557523080254.gif (118.45 KB, 380x370, tumblr_om3e90wGxC1t33d6lo1_400…)

I cannot stop fantasizing over this one game I've been playing since 2012 and all the characters have grown on me so much that I just simply cannot stop being so obsessive and creepy about it.

There's this one character I really like and I get so possessive and jealous as soon as I find out someone else likes him as well, I don't even want anyone talking to me who claims to "love him more than I do". I have so many loveshrines and playlists dedicated to him, I have an entire folder filled with 2-3k pictures + drawings + videos + gifs of him, I even have my own website somewhere in the web for him where I write my daily thoughts about him and I feel so warm and soft inside when I think about him. And the worst part is that he's just a fictional character and only truly exists in my head and the game.

I don't even want a boyfriend or a man in my life, I'm just perfectly fine with that character and my headcanons. I'm aware that this is really getting out of hand, I've been doing it for so many years (ever since I was like 11-12) and I still cannot stop. It's really disturbing and that's why I don't tell anyone about it irl, but at the same time it also really makes me happy.

I do believe that I do all of this to cope with the sexual and emotional trauma I experienced back then when I started playing that game and I seek comfort in him to get away from all the bad and negative thoughts in my head (+ I am also autistic so this is like the biggest interest for me), but I'm a young adult now and no longer a kid or a teenager so I have to stop being like this. But the thought of stopping all of this really makes me so unbelievably distressed, because it's basically a part of my daily routine now and I don't want to abandon him or my interest like this.

No. 408743

Fellow anon with small chest. I love my small chest. I know there's a lot of people on the internet who think small chests = teenager so that means you can't be attracted to people with small breasts or else it's illegal, but they're wrong and very full of themselves. Puberty doesn't happen at 18, it happens around 8-14 and guess what, a lot of women end up having small chests. Nothing's wrong with us.
We look great in a lot of clothing. There's tons of cute styles of lingerie/bras for us to choose from that diminish when you have a bigger chest. A lot of clothing won't fit us uncomfortably in our chest area, especially unisex styles. No having to deal with back issues. You can look sexy without a big chest, there's tons of styles of clothing that can accentuate your curves. I love wearing A-line dresses.
It's always good to see the positives in what you were born with.

No. 408744

Having a comfort character can be a good thing I think and also since you are diagnosed with autism having a strong focus on a special interest is normal right? Honestly as long as you can live out your goals/dreams and feel happy and fulfilled I say why not go on loving this game and character for as long as you feel like it. Maybe some therapist would say to become more comfortable with other things or people or try dating one day but I also don't think everyone should be forced to get into dating just for the sake of it. Life and happiness are determined by you, just be productive, follow your other goals too and live in a way that when you are really old and dying you will look back and say "I had a great time and I am content."

No. 408745

porn related ED

No. 408754

I don't think you need to quit your husbando cold turkey but perhaps you can consolidate your stuff and streamline your routine so it takes less time. All the while you can still do stuff like giving dating a try. Engaging in other things that bring positivity into your life and trying therapy may overtime reduce your need to spend so much time fixated on this character.

No. 408766

it could be but i don't believe it is. he doesn't have a problem getting hard and when we do have sex he lasts for a while. if he's watching porn so much that he's lost any sexual appetite, he's very stealthy about it considering we spend most of our time together unless he's jerkin it at work.

No. 408774

Hey, people marry the Eiffel tower and other weird things, right? Maybe a fictional character is fine to spend a decade or two with.

No. 408777

I'm mad that I'm so wildly in love with a man right now. I promised myself I wouldn't develop feelings for a male yet here I am. It's so hard to find women who are into women that are also compatible with me, I've been trying to find them and I certainly didn't go around looking for this man, it just happened… I hate how good it makes me feel, I know it won't take long until my heart is shattered into tiny tiny pieces and my suicidal ideation comes back with the strenght of my teenage angst. Strong feelings leave me so vulnerable and I'm still prone to the worst of feelings when I'm hurt. The more I'm happy, the worst I know I'll feel once it wears off or at the moment something doesn't go the way I planned it to. It's no one's fault and I should control myself but I hate developing feelings for this reason.

No. 408779

My parents went on a vacation trip to the opposite coast of the US, got into a bunch of arguments, missed their flight home, and my mom bought a ticket for herself to fly back alone. She called my sister while crying at the airport because she didn’t know what to do after dad walked off. My sister helped her out and I’m just sitting in their house wondering what the hell is going to go down once they are both back.

My sister & I had a feeling something bad would happen, because we’ve had to experience our mom’s learned helplessness and dad’s shitty attitude during rare family trips, but this is worse considering how far they are from the area.

No. 408786

you can't not tell us who it is anon

No. 408793

I want to be a rich bitch living in Malibu with a cushy entertainment industry job and access to a top tier social circle.

Being literally an autist, unattractive and broke means it won’t happen and I should just get a math degree or something. But I can’t stop wanting to be one of the cool girls.

Probably because everyone my age in this town either has kids or binge drinks every weekend so my opportunities for real relationships are limited.

No. 408796

nooooo the trip my bf and i had planned for this weekend isn't going to happen because of vehicle troubles. it's not the end of the world but i was really looking forward to it. i was worried that if i let myself get excited something bad would happen and welp. why are my negative thoughts so powerful???

i packed a cute picnic so we can at least make use of that somewhere nice tomorrow.

No. 408799

That ship sailed in the 2000s

No. 408804

>anything to do with men cheating sets me off and ruins my mood
>still keep up with projared nonsense despite not even watching him
Guess I hate myself

No. 408805

Maybe you can take some comfort in the near universal backlash against Jared. I'm not familiar with him or anyone associated with him, but I assumed a gamer community would automatically side with the man and defend him no matter what. I was pleasantly surprised that he's getting so thoroughly destroyed.

No. 408806

literally me too, anon. also reading about pedophile men triggers me beyond belief yet if i see anything about them my dumb ass is going to read it and hate men and myself more and more each time. not sure why i do it when i know its just going to make me want to die.

No. 408807

my ex and i ended like hiedi and jared but we tried to be amicable about it after some therapy. ive been laughing about it with him but have been dying on the inside. its fucking hilarious that jared is getting his but ouch its too close to home

No. 408808


sounds like my boyfriend. he has severe anxiety and ruminates constantly. he will turn down sex if he's particularly anxious because he overthinks so much that he ends up going soft/taking a year to finish. never thought penises could actually be complicated, lol.

No. 408809

Yeah! Actually that was one reason I was drawn to the debacle, although it still makes me miserable to remember that men are still out here doing shit like that (with normally no backlash).

I think it's just become a meme though…but I hope men continue to get memed into hating pedos and cheaters in future.

>hate men and myself more and more each time
Yeah, basically this.
Everything about this situation just sounds like a nightmare. Jared himself is a nightmare.

I'm sorry to hear that, anon. By similar do you mean it involved a close friend as well? That's awful.

No. 408821

I've been talking to this guy for like 8 months now. We both have feelings for each other, but we live in different countries. We talk like every day on voice or DMing and it makes me happy but I'm also venting because to tell him that I want us to date (honestly, it kind of feels like we are, just without the title) but I just feel like the long distance aspect of it would be a big issue.

No. 408822

Tbh physical chemistry is a bigger thing to worry about than the distance. I e-dated someone for about a year, phone calls, webcam, etc. Finally met up irl and no physical chemistry at all. Sad

No. 408823

File: 1557562253419.jpg (20.91 KB, 200x229, 1541527709045.jpg)

I want my sister to dump her orbiter "best friend". I'm so angry because of the fact that he touched her armpit to wake her up. (wtf it's one step away from the boob) I'm also paranoid that he might have done something else to her while she was asleep. He confessed his feels to her again (1st time was in high school) and was handsy with her. He tried to hug and cuddle with her multiple times but she avoided it. He also complained to her about not finding a good gf and "where the good women have gone?" She told me that she is starting to get uncomfortable with him and told me everything that happened. To find out that it was happening under my nose when I was at work and when our parents were not home, which infuriated me.

He liked her in high school and became friends with her when her old friends turned on her. I was the only one who is still apprehensive and cold to him throughout the years they were friends. My parents invited and let him stay in our home multiple times. They also defended him and told me that I shouldn't be so mean to him. He took advantage of her vulnerability and my family's kindness.

My mother found out and made it clear to my sister that he is no longer welcome to stay in the house. However, she leaves it up to my sister to cut ties as she knows that she is an adult now.

I never trusted him, but I love and trust my sister. I do not want to control her life and want to respect and trust the decisions she makes. However, she was caught off guard by it. I keep telling her to drop him if "he is not going to respect your feelings and continues pursuing you". She also agrees with me that what he has done was creepy behavior, but I don't think she is going to cut ties…

I should have said something sooner. I'm so angry that this happened. I'm so angry he took advantaged of my family and especially my own sister's feelings when she was most vulnerable!!

No. 408825

Orbiters are toxic and annoying and he sounds like a creep… but so far all he's done is touch her armpit and try to hug her? No offense but unless she's like 14 she doesn't need this much protectiveness and it doesn't warrant that much anger. She should get rid of him because orbiters only bring you down but it's not exactly cause for alarm that some guy likes her and tried to cuddle.

No. 408826

I feel so much like shit now. I had my two of my family members rip me to shreds emotionally, and not even the one who was predominantly abusive to me. I had a mental breakdown and I was trying to desperately contain myself away from them so I wouldn't bother and badger them. They overheard and began bombarding me and trying to ask me twenty questions, which only made me more aggravated. Even if you're concerned, and frankly, it's funny that they're concerned, because they're never around, I live with my dad and he's always out of state/out of country, never checks in on me, and always pretends like he doesn't give a fuck. It seems like such pathetic virtue signaling and all it does is further paint me into a corner. I have a psychologist and I take meds, and yet I still occasionally have my messy moments because I feel it's impossible to cure my occasional breakdown, as occasional as they are. I'm bipolar and nobody around me especially within my own family will understand what my experience is like, except for my mom, but she's possibly bpd too, abusive, and won't get proper treatment, and pretends she doesn't have problems. I hate this so much. I have an irl friend who's also bipolar now and I think she understands me better than my family does without even speaking about it. I'm tired of my father and siblings only trying to care about me when I'm in breakdown mode, otherwise it's clear that they don't fucking care. They only want to try and calm that situation so they don't have to deal with me in breakdown mode. Which is precisely why I tried to isolate myself from the situation. And I should be allowed to do that. I don't want to fly off the handle in front of others and being yanked out of my attempt to break down in private is only going to make me feel worse and more ashamed. Even if they don't intend to be rude it just comes across that way. I hate myself so much and I feel like such a lunatic, even if it's not healthy at that moment it's not like the cyclic breakdowns are as frequent as they used to be…. what is wrong with letting me be alone, as long as I'm in a space where I don't think I can harm myself physically away from others? I… I'm tired of it. I just want to have my occaisonal breakdown in peace. I have the last couple times it's happened, my dads been away. I can't avoid it forever. I wish he'd just stop when he clearly gives no fucks the percentage of the time he's out of town and never checks in. Don't virtue signal to your kid / sibling when you only think she's acting "crazy", then it's pretty obviously virtue signaling more than concern. Fucking tired.

No. 408837

Why the FUCK does energy drinks and coffee give me such an upset stomach like its burning inside and bad acid reflux like hell? How do some people drink that shit all the time but for me it feels like death?

Fuck im sticking to those chia seeds

No. 408840

I miss good charlotte

No. 408841

So I'm looking at easing up on the waste I produce, and I've stopped BC so my periods are back.
I hate feeling pressured into getting a Cup, I have a super tilted uterus and it makes putting things that stay in for long periods uncomfortable the longer I move around.
I hate looking for advice/resources because I feel super fucking shamed by the zero waste communities for not using Cups/not wanting to.
Let me do what I want with my body! I don't want a Cup! I don't want to shell out $100s for "period panties" because some big company said you should buy them! Who the fuck is telling us to shell out half a paycheck on special panties when reusable cloth pads are a thing. It's the same shit! I hate this shit, man.

No. 408843

I'm sure lots of people on these ccos use cloth pads, I've seen a lot of people selling them too. It's a great alternative, don't feel bad Anon.

No. 408846

At least you guys can overcome the distance one day, go for it. How much of a distance are we talking about here? Are the countries in the same continent?

No. 408851

Being in a relationship with a sub guy is incredibly unfulfilling. They do less romantically and emotionally than a vanilla/dom guy would and their need to constantly be mommied and babied while not putting in their 100% to a 50/50 relationship is repulsive and just plain lazy. I don't know why they're put on a pedestal here. I think it's also creepy how much they fetishize older women. It's misogyny in a whole different way and getting away with basically being a starfish in the entire relationship. Absolute garbage.

No. 408854

I'm sick of feeling ashamed or at fault for having a parent physically assault and mentally torment me consistently from adolescence to my 20s. I finally ended things with my horrible ex who heard these abuse stories and decided to try his hand at doing better. I don't know why I stayed with him too long I guess I started to buy into his shit that I was damaged and so unlovable my parent hated me. Even tho he had a kid of his own he did not give a fuck about, only when it came time to get meds from the doctor. Which he abused with the alcohol he abused along with the powders. Really stand up decent guy whose opinion I clearly should have respected.

My vent is that I was in that abusive nightmare for years and was so distracted and withdrawn I let people down close to me when they needed me and I couldn't help. The relationships do not exist now I've been ghosted and they don't know what happened with me so I can understand their frustrations. One girl I disclosed abuse to who knew of my past and never judged me, but a week later I was back with my abuser and ashamed because I knew it was wrong. We hung out a couple times since but each time I was anxious not great company and my phone blowing up from him.

I'm just sad because I'm friendless. I don't think those people I let down would want to hear from me especially the girl who I already cried wolf to and then downplayed the whole thing. And she has enough of her own problems for my melodramatics.

I guess I'm mostly embarrassed for any people I do meet and maybe form bonds with. How do I explain why I have no friends without coming across as a uwu snowflake victim. Idk. I'm glad to finally see the light but Holy fuck am I going to be alone.

No. 408855

My life has been a thousand shades of fucked up lately. My partner of 5 years left me, I spent a month in a psychiatric hospital afterwards because I was ill before, but her leaving made me so suicidal I called in the doctors myself etc, etc.
I lost most of my friends in that breakup. People chose her over me. But that's fine, I guess. It's just that there's a girl I met not so long ago. She's smart and she's awkward and she's a good friend. We have a lot of things in common. She was the only one who visited me at the hospital, brought me food and her favourite books and spoke to me about everything and anything for hours. I genuinely like her and I feel like I can trust her even though I am usually super slow to trust.
The problem is… I kinda started crushing on her? Hard? I know it's fucked up and entering a relationship so soon after a breakup with a long-term partner sounds like having a rebound. Like I attached to the first person who showed me kindness in hard times. Not to mention she's 6 years younger than me, has really bad mental issues concerning relationships and primarily fucks guys anyways.
But I remember how I stayed overnight at her place and she held me tight to her chest in her sleep and she was so soft and warm and I wanted to cry. And kiss her. And cry some more.
I'm just waiting for my dumb brain to settle. Like, I'm not going to proposition someone I hope to have as my best friend. Especially not when I still feel genuine love towards my ex. That would be a super fucked-up thing to do. And I'm not that person. Well, I'm trying not to be that person really hard. Wish me luck, I guess.

No. 408857

I'm sick of the world pretending there aren't people who can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. I'm in a healthy BMI right now but I have to fight every day to maintain it, whilst i know so many people who have never had to think a day in their life about what they put into their bodies and remain so beautiful, perfect and skinny. I guess I'am just really bitter that I'm going to have to calorie count and watch what I eat like a damn hawk every day for the rest of my life because I was born in this piece of shit body. Sounds bad but I'm starting to really resent my parents for doing this to me.

No. 408860

You don't know what those people are actually eating, anon. In my experience, everyone is terrible at estimating what they eat. My skinny friends talk about how they eat like pigs because they'll eat half a pizza when we hang out, but then in their day to day life they'll barely eat anything or exercise a lot. My fat friends who'd cry about how little they actually eat would get up at 3am during sleep-overs to go eat another slice of pie. When I was very overweight I was the same, I didn't realise that every little snack, dessert and even small things like cooking with more cream or oil than necessary actually added up to way more calories than I thought.

It's true that some people have an easier time just because they don't feel as hungry, don't have a sweet-tooth or exercise a lot, but let's not pretend there are people out there eating crazy amounts of calories every day and not burning them off but magically staying thin. Bodies don't work that way unless you've got some terrible disease.

No. 408861

apparently there's proof eating appetites can be influenced by genetics and even from if you were underweight or normal weight as a baby
im not disagreeing with you just adding on btw

No. 408862

NTA but every single one of those skinny people who think they eat a lot actually don't, you just never see exactly what they eat so in the occasion you're together they may eat pizza and drink soda, but maybe that's their only meal of the day…

No. 408865

File: 1557585829620.jpg (47.42 KB, 564x846, 32f5865da23d750637d2c1903b1e09…)

i have been talking to this one wonderful guy online for over a year, i honestly like him so much. everything about him is so perfect, he is very sweet and caring. we talk a lot daily. i have never felt that way towards a man.
the only issue is that he lives on another continent. my friends encourage me to date men who are in my uni/live nearby, etc. but i honestly can't bring myself to do that. i live in extremely conservative country where women's rights still have a long way to go, so when i compare phsyically violent men who demand women to be housewives to him, ah, that's such an obvious choice. but i wonder if i am really doing the right thing? am i wasting his time and hurting him?

No. 408867

Yeah, I feel you.

UK for me and US for him. So, quite far.

I don't think it'd work, but he's been a wonderful friend either way and supported me during tough times.

No. 408868

These people eat mountainous sugary crap and take-out all the time and don't even exercise and remain skinny. It'd just be amazing to be like that. Not to have to agonise over and analyse every little thing you eat because for me, even if I eat just one thing bad, I balloon. I don't even understand.

No. 408870

I was piss drunk last night and posted a doodle on Instagram and its sitting at 1k likes somehow. It's pretty cool but I'm low key annoyed that one of my doodles blew up and not something I had spent ages on. Then again I suppose the algorithm is just pure luck or something. Happy my work was shared quite a bit though.

No. 408878

weird cope.

No. 408883

But that's the thing, if they eat out all the time it's probably the only time they're eating throughout the day.
I used to solely eat fast food at one point because I was too anxious to function for myself, I actually ended up losing like 10lbs in a few weeks. I felt like crap because I ate greasy salty shit, but the caloric intake was way under the daily recommended amount.
Also, people work jobs where they have to stand or constantly move around during their shift and that can shed off calories faster than you'd think.
Do know every single movement these people you envy make? Do they live in a two story house? Do they have dogs? Do they work retail or factory jobs? Do they visit the gym? Do they eat one or two meals a day? You need to consider the factors. Sure they may be thin, but they probably feel like shit because of what they put in their bodies.

No. 408886

Calories in, calories out. Simple.

No. 408904

I don't even really want a relationship I just want to show off and prove to people that I can be loved and wanted.

No. 408905

It’s mother’s day tomorrow, and people won’t stop asking me what I’m doing for her. My mom died in a terrible way a few years ago, and it’s such a sore topic for me, but I work in customer service and have to pretend it’s not effecting me. Trying my best! Just needed to get that out..

No. 408909

That’s really rude of people to ask in general. Tons of people have reasons for not celebrating or enjoying mother’s day. People are really dumb as hell for assuming otherwise. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this anon.

No. 408946

My ex is in town and I miss him so much and just want to talk to him but I know it's a bad idea. I hate that I can't be with him because it's just one thing that keeps us from being together but it's a huge one. He's the only person I've ever felt really truly connected with but he's so bad at the technical aspects of a relationship that everything got ruined.

And now my dad is yelling about the dishes in the sink because I didn't want to hang out with him, BECAUSE he's always angry about some dumb shit or whatever.

No. 408953

Cope? It's just how it is. No one is magically skinny if they're eating more than they spend with their TDEE.

No. 408958

I'm equally annoyed about people like you. Just don't eat garbage when you don't have to. Drink water, don't indulge in shit. I see so many people at work just filling their hours with needless calories. Frilly coffees at lunch. Snacks every hour. Sugary drinks and juices. Cut all of that shit out and you don't have to worry.

I eat once a day, yeah, but I get to eat whatever the fuck I want and not have to worry about it.

People with no will power need to stop whining and do something about it

No. 408959

Seriously, I bet if the people complaining drank more water instead of needless calories, their mood would improve as well. I'm not even skinny, I'm considered borderline overweight but I know how to manage it. If I wanna be lose some pounds it's not gonna be that hard for me to stop snacking on high calorie foods, just replace them with low or no calorie or simply eat a less of the high calorie shit. Simple.

No. 408960

Why does it have to be so all or nothing with radical feminists sometimes? A few days ago there was a discussion about makeup in a forum I participate and I said that sometimes I like wearing mascara, eyeshadow and lipstick and I swear they reacted as if I just told them I want a man to make me his slave and babymaker. I'm not a tool of the patriarchy because of this, Jesus.

No. 408964

It's radical feminism, anon. The very point of it is that it's radical and "all or nothing", unlike choice feminism which just takes any issue and hides it under a "choice" label.

No. 408965

i just signed up on bumble and i'm already tired. so many generic profiles or just blank profiles. is it because i'm too cynical? dating feels like such a chore but idk how to meet anyone besides dating apps these days.

No. 408967

that's not what that means though. radical refers to political radicalism not radicalism in the extreme sense. it just means they have a more "by any means necessary" point of view. i fucking hate when anyone on this site tries to talk about political things, most of you are like grade school kids.

No. 408970

Do you really think any movement that wants to achieve anything "by any means necessary" is going to be some wishy-washy pseudo-feminism that doesn't want to surrender comfortable tools of the patriarchy because that's too scary or bothersome ?
Choice feminism wants to take a soft approach and compromise with the patriarchy BECAUSE those feminists are terrified of surrendering some comforts and petty (but harmful) luxuries like makeup. Similarly, radfems question and reject those comforts BECAUSE they're willing to do whatever it takes. These things go hand in hand.

No. 408976

Oh shit Anon, doctors found I have an ovarian cyst as well. There’s an upcoming surgery in a month and I’m barely alive. The latest doctor I went to started panicking how it can be cancer and pointed at my raised tumor markers. I couldn’t get out of bed or eat for two days after that.
Calmed myself down a bit thinking how previous doc wasn’t too concerned.

No. 408983

okay? but you were still wrong. stop using terms you don't understand.

No. 408984

sage for samefag but this is why i hate people like you, and radfems in general, you are essentially the same as the patriarchy. comparing choice feminism to being brainwashed by the patriarchy as if women are ignorant beings incapable of making any choices for themselves, but of course radfems can because they see the """truth""". patriarchy or not, we all grow up in society and we all gain different views and feelings on it, and even if they fall in line with what you feel the patriarchy wants, doesn't mean they aren't someone's real and honest feelings. not everyone who wants certain things has to be brainwashed. and the fact that so many radfems feel this way is what makes the movement lose value. choice feminism isn't about "hiding behind choices" it's about understanding that all women are different, and we each realize we're being treated poorly in our own way. not that everything is evil because men, so liking things that some men want you to like is fucking evil you brainwashed handmaiden!

No. 408985

Jesus christ what a long paragraph to say absolutely nothing. Are you unironically defending choice feminism…?

When will you spergs stop feeling personally victimized when radfems aren't enthusiastically celebrating makeup use? If you want to use makeup, just use it and stop defending yourself in conversations about feminism. Nobody, not even radfems, thinks you need to live every moment of your life upholding feminism. It isn't a feminist act but that's not an attack against anyone in particular.

No. 408988

lol just like a radfem to backpedal. i guess your edgy comment to the OP and your shameless radfem plug was just you innocently saying that well makeup is maybe part of the patriarchy~

No. 408990

My first post on the topic actually and I STILL have no clue what you're rambling about, please make your arguments a little more coherent

No. 408992


lol! our regular vehicle broke down too after making other plans closer to home. guess the world really wants me to stay home this weekend.

No. 408993

your first post wasn't on topic, this is the vent thread, any reply to anon's vents are technically off topic. what a weird thing to hid behind. are you done trying to derail the thread with me? get over yourself. posters like you with their heads up their asses about their posts and opinions are why this board isn't even an imageboard anymore.(infighting)

No. 409014

I can't admit to myself that I'm probably bisexual. Even though there's a lot of strong evidence for my attraction to women throughout my life. I always thought it was just conditioning due to all the advertising & media being super porny and sexualizing women all the time. I also always had boyfriends so I figured I was just a straight girl with a degen lesbo fetish or something. But lately I've been working on deprogramming my mind from all the male gaze shit and… the attraction persists…

Yeah… I guess I am bisexual. …What do I do now? I have zero lgbt friends, afaik zero in my family too. I live in a lgbt friendly place but their spaces honestly intimidate me. I'm 25 and feel pretty pathetic. I've repressed this for so long, maybe I can just keep going?

No. 409015

I tried to hang out and make some friends. A girl I used to talk to in the past invited me to watch Detective Pikachu and some others girls and a guy. It failed miserably. I'm so sad, I didn't really wanna drink tonight but I feel a strong urge to drink my sorrows away… As I have been doing for the past years…

No. 409019

Thank you. I sympathize with radical feminism and I despise many things in choice feminism, but the fact someone likes makeup or things that align with their gender roles isn't being a slave to patriarchy. It's not like I feel the need to get dolled up to go pick up groceries. It's frustrating.

No. 409020

Dylan and Eric were literally the least interesting people and Columbine wasn't an interesting case. It was definitely shocking for its time and unfortunately inspired a lot of assholes, but them as people were absolute snoozefests with 0 redeeming features and I can't believe there are like 22 yo girls who find them cute or interesting on any level

No. 409021

nice dumb post

No. 409026

i can for the edge factor. emotionally immature girls who like "bad boys" but can't quite stomach the more intense people like actual serial killers, people who are sort of stuck in a teenage mindset who actually think anything those kids wrote was deep or interesting, and of course the "shock" and taboo of liking them.

No. 409029

What bothers me is like, there ARE some interesting killers, but there's no pathos in the Columbine case, and that's literally the only thing that ever makes any killers "interesting", yet there's none in their case. I constantly see them trying to rewrite and recast these kids as being so pitiful and pitiable, you know, as if they were victims themselves (plenty of killers are/were as children, but not these assholes) but they were just spoiled little shits, ugly, and horrible kids. There's nothing redeeming about them.

No. 409030

>What do I do now?
Just keep living your life?
Your sexuality doesn't have to be a defining characteristic of who you are. Just realize you don't have to be ashamed for finding other women attractive.

No. 409035

Same. Their diaries are exactly the things I'd write when I was 13 and edgy because no one liked me at school. LMAO

I also think Bundy is the least interesting serial killer yet people are all over him.

No. 409036

Right? Bundy was so boring. What bothers me a lot about the Bundy case is all the outrage like "BUNDY BLAMED PORN. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?!?!?!?" like, obviously it was strategy because he fucking bathed in the attention anyways. He loved that shit, but uh yeah, jerking off to snuff type shit is not healthy - hello! But yeah, Bundy was boring and ugly too.

Not really all that interested in Manson either, but vid related of him calling Bundy a "poopbutt" and a "poop person" is hilariously accurate and I think this is possibly the most clarity Manson has ever experienced in his life

No. 409037

Bundy just feels very tame compared to, say, Dahmer and John Wayne Gace. I'm sure there would be a lot more of "Bundies" in the world if guys had the guts to do it, so many guys with violent desires towards women like that, it feels so lame and common to me… And the way people talk about him being so charming and handsome, ugh.

No. 409042

Kinda same although I've never had a boyfriend either. I also assumed it was brought on by women being so sexualized and thought all straight women just felt like that. Laughing at "straight girl with a lesbo fetish," although I personally denied it by just pretending I didn't masturbate 80% of the time to women. Just fucking compartmentalize it away.

Anyway, if you want to meet women why not use a dating app or something? I'm assuming that's what you mean by wondering what to do next. If you're not seeking women, then just stay closeted until you date one. No need to have a big "coming out" unless it's relevant.

No. 409043

I honestly do not give a shit about school shooters at all. I genuinely find them the least interesting kind of killers aof all. You can look online and see the pathos/mentality of those kind of shooters in 10 minutes. It's just not fascinating to me at all and the people who do it manage to be even bigger losers than any other type of killer.

People only cared about Bundy cause of his victims were upper middle-class young attractive white women and he was an aspiring lawyer Republican tied to many connections aka a "good boy". Fucker didn't even pass his classes and was below average in performance and intelligence compared to his colleagues but since he hid his mediocrity with exceeding bravado and a flashy smile everyone drones on and on about how intelligent and brilliant he was.

I can name 5 other SKs who are more "intelligent" and even more charismatic than him but because Bundy the kind of guy America wanks over they obsess over his boring as fuck tale over and over and over again. As a true crime reader, I'm BEYOND sick of hearing about Bundy. Even in the subreddit "serialkillers" all they do is talk about fucking Bundy.

No. 409045

I also don't get why people harp on Bundy's victim profile type like it's suppose to mean something. I find indiscriminate killers like Richard Ramirez and Andrei Chikatilo more fascinating to try to study and reach the mind into. It also seems like people get excited and maybe turned on (?) by the type of Bundy's victims and how they looked like which is why they linger on this detail often.

No. 409052

What other five do you think are more interesting?

Ramirez bores me. He gets stupid amounts of attention bc cheekbones. Yawn. An edgy mental midget. Just as stupid as TJ Lane, although his childhood explains quite a lot.

No. 409060

I don't understand guys at all. The guy 'friends' I have always say that they value me and don't think I'm annoying but whenever I want to hang out with them, they always leave me on read or ignore me and hang out with other people where I can see them. And it's not like they think I'm hitting on them, they know I have a boyfriend, and it isn't really a gender thing since they hang out with girls too, so I don't know. The only male friends I've ever really had who didn't do that are the really nerdy ones who have been specifically interested in dating me. I can't help but think maybe I'm too weird or just plain so unattractive that they don't want to be around me. I've never had this issue with female friends either so I don't really know why I'm treated like this around guys.

No. 409061

lol you're right richard ramirez is a mental midget lol kek i think he's more interesting than bundy though

No. 409062

my gf got another girls number today and i cant help but feel a bit jealous. i know i shouldnt worry, she sometimes gets wrapped up in the moment cause she likes getting attention, but im a little insecure

i cant help but think about my past relationships. that of the few ive had, i was usually the second choice or a placeholder. in fact, i was not only someones second choice to her, but i was her placeholder the first time we dated, too. im still not sure that she would be with me had her ex not moved away

i cant help but wonder what she might look like. she says she wont message her first, but i wonder if she wants to. i wonder if she was charismatic, talkative, fun or anything else that im not

i feel bad for getting jealous. were planning on getting married this fall, she even bought it up again today.

my minds just racing. i wish itd go away

No. 409064

liking attention isn't a valid excuse for accepting another girl's number without even mentioning she's in a relationship, wtf?

No. 409066

The guys friends I’ve always had have always had issues dealing with feminine insecurities. I wouldn’t worry about seeming annoying or putting them on a pedestal. Just be yourself and if you feel like they aren’t treating you like a real friend then I don’t really think you’re losing much by putting less value into the relationship.

No. 409071

Some people don't know a lot about economy and that's fine, but they shouldn't post things like this on the internet as if they're truth. The cost of living in America (even the cost to live poorly) is simply higher than that in other countries due to inflation over the decades from political and economic reasons as defined in our modern history. Also, the fact that we have to pay for expensive healthcare while other countries get universal healthcare. $30k annually is certainly not poverty-level for a sole person, but if it's the sole income for a 2+ person household, then it is. Because you need a larger place, more healthcare coverage, food, etc. just to provide and accommodate more than one human life.

No. 409088

File: 1557637286836.jpg (1.14 MB, 2256x1504, IMG_2840.JPG)

Sorry for this rant in advance.

I offered to come in and take and edit photos (for free obv) for a very small local animal shelter (I don't want credit or anything. I literally just want to take some photos of the cats so the shelter can post them instead of the crappy, grainy phone photos they have currently), and all I get back after my offer and heartfelt message about really wanting to volunteer for them, all they send is "Thanks for the offer we'll keep your info in mind", written just like that.

Is it me being sensitive or does that phrasing/writing sound kind of dismissive and disinterested? It sounds to me like they have no intention of contacting me further about it. I specifically asked if I could possibly come in at some point to take the photos, so for them to say "we'll keep your info in mind" it definitely sounds like they have no interest in me coming in to photograph them at all.

If I owned a shelter I'd be excited by the prospect of better photos so the cats could possibly be adopted sooner, especially since posting photos of the cats they have available is such a large part of their online presence and they have a lot of followers. Idk, I just expected a more receptive response? Pic related is one of the photos I sent to them of my cat (though I clarified that I wouldn't want the cats around glitter and that my cat just jumped into my bed when it was all messy with glitter after I did crafts on it). Is it just that my photos are too shit for them to want? I don't do professional photography or anything but I have a nice camera and some decent lenses and I just figured it would be helpful maybe…

Idk I just feel vulnerable and like an annoying dumbass now for offering…

No. 409098

maybe they're afraid that you might start asking for pay even though you said you'd do it for free? idk. shelters are very stingy with money and I think a lot of the volunteers photograph things already, I used to be a volunteer and I'd always take pics of the animals at the shelter when I was playing with them. maybe they're looking for less "professional" shots and more "natural" pictures to display on their social media pages to give potential adopters a "genuine" feel? Or they already have a mainstay volunteer photographer which could be possible. yeah it's annoying that they're passive towards you and everything but that's how it is sometimes.

if you have time you could always try becoming a volunteer just with the animals yourself on occasion and work your way up the ranks, then see if they want you to take pics, if you have and want to devote your time to helping the animals outside of just photographing them

No. 409104

I didn't even think of that, ugh, that they could be worried about asking or guilting or pressuring or something in future. Ugh, I literally just want to take photos of the kitties!

It's just that the photos they have are really low qual so I figured that'd be of some use. I know the volunteers do take photos, but they're just… lifeless and fuzzy/grainy. I have seen a lot of (generally dog shelters) that have quality photographs and I'd noticed that they'd get a lot of shares if they were generally aesthetic, because people like sharing cute pictures of animals, and so more exposure, -> higher likelihood that someone would maybe see the generally 'aesthetic' photo and want to adopt. It's not as if they can't post additional photos or vids of them playing.

I used to regularly volunteer (not taking photos) at shelters, but transportation right now is a major issue for me, so I am kind of limited on that front in terms of volunteering on the regular or anything rather than just coming in every so often to take photos to edit and give to them. Fml, and it's so hard to phrase the offer without making it seem like you're trying to use the shelter to gain exposure for yourself or something. I literally do not gaf about photography and just want to take some aesthetic pictures of in need kitties!

No. 409107

i know this is petty but my narc ex got a dog right after our breakup and i'm laughing. goes to show how much he needs companionship, and how much he needed me way more than i ever needed him.

he better treat that pupper right. fucker.

No. 409115

cosdna wants me to be an ugly bitch. entered ingredients of a potential moisturiser candidate like a week ago, all nice and in the greens, one ingredient looked dodgy to me, like it's a derivative of soy bean oil, but it didn't flag up as one. so I bought the moisturiser, waited a week for it to come and put it on just now and, being the paranoid bitch I am, checked the ingredients again and yea, the suspect ingredient is soya bean oil and has an acne rating of 3 AND is the 2nd ingredient. if i wake up with bubonic pustules istg!

yes, I know it's my fault for relying on one source, I'm just mad I potentially wasted like £7 reee!
holding out hope still bc I've never used anything with soy bean oil so maybe it can be ok?

No. 409116

It sounds like you're trying to solve a problem that they don't feel like exists, and you come across as someone that just wants to play with the cats instead of helping out

No. 409122

Anyone else identifies with the left ideology wise but can't stand lefty people? It's so frustrating that I get along with conservatives better, if we don't talk about politics, since I know about the bigoted and, sometimes, violent believes they hold.
But somehow I can't get along or at all close to lefties, most of the time they make me super uncomfortable and are way too expansive and drama seeking.

No. 409136

I'm on my second beer on a sunday morning + 37,5mg tramdol and not even feeling it kick in.
I know I'm only hurting myself but at least I've done some cleaning.
I'm just thinking of taking everything in my medecine cabinet and hope I'll just end up stop breathing in my sleep.

No. 409138

I find that lefties are constantly cannibalising their own in order to be the perfect most liberal open minded inclusive person, and that one mistake/wrong thought means that you're against them. conservatives i find don't really give a shit as much/are a lot less vocal about it

No. 409145

You don't have to pick sides, you know. You're supposed to form your own opinions regardless of what kind of people support them.

No. 409146

maybe read what anon posted again, they identify with the left but don't like being around other people who do

No. 409153

Maybe read what I posted again, my point is that you don't have to.

No. 409170

a few years ago my mother mentioned to me that my uncle keeps on looking at me weirdly and over the years i forgot that, but last week at the family reunion i randomly remembered it again and he was there too, so i looked at him and yep. he still looks at me weirdly. back then i couldn’t decipher his gaze but now i know that it’s kind of predatory which is creeping me so out. he always was so desperate to have me on his lap when i was younger so that we could play together and i really used to think it’s innocent, nothing more. i just feel so gross now. i told my mother about it later when everyone left and she said i should just ignore it, but i can’t. it’s making me feel so nauseous.

No. 409172

I'm kind of the same. I agree with a lot of leftist politics but lefties, at least the ones I'm aware of love to only talk about politics, it's nauseating. Like… You can have hobbies and not factor current politics into it. And they're so PC about their interests, like no one's policing your morality except yourselves. IDK maybe you've had similar experiences. Most the buddies I have more spontaneous fun with are either politically independent or more right leaning, but I've had a few run ins with conservative people doing the same as the lefties, except it doesn't annoy me as much because I'm not surrounded by those politics.. if that makes sense

No. 409179

but they weren't basing their opinions on picking sides - they were talking about their lived experiences.

No. 409189

Yes. Too many people on the left just feel the need to shove politics into everything, and there's always something problematic about what you like.

No. 409192

Every single time I blow my nose, my nose starts bleeding. Pouring out. Yesterday all I did was knock my nose with my hand in the shower and I had to get out because it WOULD NOT STOP. My bathroom looked like a legit murder scene. I'm getting really fucking tired of it because its legit EVERY morning this happens, when I blow my nose I'm not even doing it hard, I have to, I can't breathe with mucus in my nose if I don't blow.

No. 409195

have you considered going to your doctor to get it cauterized?

No. 409196

This happened to me when I visited Spain. The dry air totally fucked my nose. Every time I got into the shower I would immediately get a nosebleed. I get them every once in a while at home, and it seems like certain times of year I get like 5 a day. How is the humidity in your environment? Other anon mentioned getting your doctor to cauterize it; my technique when I'm desperate is to coat the insides of my nostrils in Vaseline. Seems to help keep things moist, and probably helps as a barrier so it's harder for it to start bleeding.

No. 409206

I too reccommend getting your nose cauterized. I had an issue with nosebleeds in the past when I was low on platelets in my blood. After getting both nostrils cauterized my nosebleeds decreased significantly.

Speaking of platelets, if you have the time and money to invest in your health then maybe get a blood test done to see if everything is as it should be.

No. 409217

Invest in a humidifier, anon! The colder air dries up your sinuses and you're more susceptible to bleeding. I remember waking up in the middle of winter hurting to breathe because it was so dry. On top of that you get itchy.

No. 409218

Definitely look into what these anons are saying. I know an elderly woman that had to have this done because her nose was bleeding while she was asleep.

No. 409228

I don't. I have five of my own cats and don't need to play with other cats. I already explained I used to volunteer at shelters. That's how I ended up with five cats from fostering my old shelters litter that were too badly infected to be exposed to their population of cats. I don't have a car or driver's license atm and can't get either for a while, but thanks for the needless assumptions.

No. 409237

I remember reading somewhere that men can lose their libido when they're feeling anxious/unsatisfied with their jobs. Not all men have a "fuck everything that walks" reproductive strategy. The same thing happened to my bf, but after he moved to a new place that he felt more comfortable in and got a new job that he's proud of suddenly it came back. It's rough to deal with (I also felt really hurt because I was under the impression that men always wanted to have sex) but based on what you said I'm willing to bet it's not that you're unsexy to him, but that he's the one feeling unsexy subconsciously. I'm not sure if talking about it will really help much, men can be really stubborn about things that hurt their pride. From my experience all you can really do is be patient and support him while he tries to find the role in life that satisfies him.

No. 409238

I spend a month obsessed with a partner, completely in love, willing to kill for them, thinking about them all day. Then overnight I hate them, I feel repulsed by the mere thought of their voice, their presence, their touch. Why? This has ruined so many potential relationships for me…

No. 409239

Just saying that that's how it sounds to a stranger and how it probably sounds to them as well

No. 409240

Sounds like you have bpd and you are splitting. Seek therapy

No. 409241

I have been in therapy for the past 3 years and I have no official diagnosis, just a mess of symptoms…

No. 409244

A few years ago I had something traumatic happen that caused me to unceremoniously dump all of my friends. I’ve posted about it before so I’m not going to bother going into detail, but essentially I realized that I’d been holding onto people who were extremely toxic to my well-being. My best friend at the time seemed to be at the crux of the negativity. She’s a bit oblivious to others so I’m sure she never did this shit intentionally, but she put me in situations that went beyond dramatic and crossed the line of physically dangerous. When I got with my last boyfriend, and now husband, I told him about all the shit I’d endured and he pointed out that none of it would’ve happened if it hadn’t been for my best friend. And he was right, where she goes danger tends to follow, and while it was exciting as a kid, now it’s something I’m pleased to say I’m rid of. So I never explicitly told her I’m done with her, but we went from talking every single day to maybe once a year.
Out of nowhere she texts me today and asks if I want to hang out and I emphatically do not. I know realistically it won’t ruin my life to catch her for a coffee or whatever, but the idea of catching up and faking adoration for her is making me sick to my stomach after all the shit she put me through. And on the other hand, when I cut off my friends, I didn’t just grow new ones, I lost pretty much everyone, and the thought of having a friend again almost makes me want to cry. I still haven’t responded yet and am feeling more conflicted by the minute.

No. 409246

I know I'll probably sound spoiled compared to problems other anons have. But for context my mom has on and off relationship with her boyfriend. so now she talked with me and my brother (16 and is 4 years younger) and started we are family we should talk more and care for each other more and only feeling which I felt was being annoyed. Like idk what you expect from me after you guilt tripped me lot of times. Told me I made stuff in my head and its not that serious and that I dont need psychiatrist. And about talking more I try to make small talks every day but like what am I supposed to say all the time? Talk about uni and other personal stuff? Nah.. Besides Im very introverted so when someone forces me into these talks it just makes me uncomfortable. And about not caring about each other. What do you expect when he is boy and 4 years younger and you favoured him more lot of times. Beside behaviour of my father and then her boyfriend made me basically afraid of males so her asking me about why i dont have boyfriend etc. just makes me uncomfortable. Sorry for my english Im not native. And probably really doesnt sound that bad but full story would be too long so Im just venting about what happened now

No. 409248

Ive been in similar situation. And I would say that just having coffee with her wont result in something bad but its important to just leave it at having coffee with her if you know what happened in past. But if you dont feel comfortable with it then you shouldnt really force yourself into this.

No. 409249

File: 1557683985060.png (1.26 MB, 937x1044, pikachu.png)

Went to one of my favorite dessert spots in the city to get a Detective Pikachu macaron and hopefully get the popsocket they were giving away too, but they just started this promotion like 2 days ago and they already ran out of the fuckin popsockets. I know it's so stupid to be upset over- I mean, this shop is already so fucking PACKED and popular even before they partnered up to do this promotion, so I shouldn't even be surprised. I got an eraser and beachball instead, so at least I got something. I feel like I should be more upset that I willingly shelled out $15 for 2 pikachu macarons and a cream puff, but I'm more upset about the popsocket lol (I like their desserts anyway and don't go that frequently so it's a nice treat). Don't even know what I would attach the popsocket to since I already have one and I like mine.

Fuck. I just love Pikachu so much. The macarons I got are so stupid looking, it's so god damn cute.

No. 409250

macarons suck. those dont look tasty. cute though.

No. 409251

Are you sure you don't have a diagnosis? I have been to therapy a lot (16 years, in different states, many different clinics) and many times they will diagnose you and not tell you. You literally have to ask. I find it hard to believe you have no diagnosis at all, after 3 years. If you have insurance they need a diagnosis to continue paying for your treatment. Often times this even leads to misdiagnosis for the sake of getting the insurance to pay up (at least in the US).

If you really have been going to the same exact therapist or clinic for 3 years and they haven't given you a single diagnosis…go somewhere else. That's frankly ridiculous even for extremely complex situations. Sometimes it takes a while to get the diagnosis correct but to not receive a single diagnosis in 3 YEARS, not normal at all.

I'm a different anon and I'm not trying to armchair you. I just find it fucking weird.

No. 409254

Just ate the one I bought expecting to taste nothing but straight up sugar since how that's how macarons usually go for me, but surprisingly the yuzu and mango flavors were very strong! I really liked it, probably wouldn't shell out money for more though.

No. 409257

My therapist is the best in the area and we get along well, I like his style so I'd like to continue with him. I asked him last week and he kinda danced around it. He always talks about how diagnosis are helpful but don't tell the whole story, that it's very complex and he doesn't want to force me into a box. I suppose he just doesn't want to say "here, anon, you have bpd so let's do this and that" directly…

I've been managing most things well. I was always hurting myself before and ruining everything and therapy has helped me a lot to curb my worst behaviors. I haven't been interested in anyone for some time so just now my fears are surfacing again since I met this man online 2 weeks ago and I'm already prepared that I may be hating him intensely in 2 more weeks for no reason… I never had the opportunity to work this issue with him because we were focused on more urgent matters but I'll bring this topic up in the next session.

No. 409262

Does life really get better than this, anons? I’ve been stuck in my extremely introverted lifestyle ever since middle school, and have a whopping total of 1 friend a year after graduation. I always tried to blame it on my deafness, but in reality I just cannot understand how to interact with someone socially or how to set up the foundation for friendship. The only friend I have in my life has been around for the past three years, but even then she was the one who initiated the friendship and I feel guilty for always texting her since she has a boyfriend and other friends to attend to. I attended college for a semester then dropped out due to not being able to keep up since I was in such a bad mental state, wondering every single day if it was even worth it since I couldn’t see a future for myself. I still can’t imagine a future for myself, but I recently invested in a flock of chicks so at least I have something worth sticking around for.

No. 409264

chicks as in chickens? super cute

No. 409267

Yep! Started off with a mini flock with 8 chicks and 1 duckling to keep myself busy, really helps with the old depression to walk into a room full of cute peeping and birds that wants your attention

No. 409268

Post some pictures! They sound adorable.

No. 409276

Anon that sounds so cute omg
I love hearing them peep

No. 409277

Just curious, do you keep your chicks and ducklings in your house or do you have an outside pen? Also do you know if any of the chicks are male, because having a rooster, especially more than one, is going to be quite interesting in the future.

No. 409278

I'm so jealous, please post pics if you have any! maybe you can find local groups to do with chicken rearing?

No. 409280

File: 1557688943345.jpeg (2.63 MB, 4032x3024, CD55D68B-7A2D-438B-AFEC-2E4551…)

I don’t want to overload this thread with pics so here’s my most recent one!

They are currently in a brooding box in one of my closet, I’m fixing up an old coop on our land and will move them out once they’re a few weeks old. They’re still too young to tell, I might keep one rooster but will butcher or sell any other.. which is a little saddening but better than them fighting to the death.

Thanks for the positivity in here everyone, you anons are good people

No. 409286

I hope they bring you many years of joy! Look around to see if there are any groups that will take in an extra roosters, instagram weirdly enough has a huge community of people who will take in unwanted roosters

No. 409293

so cute! is that a duckling in the top left corner?

No. 409296

I love the pic but wow that got depressing really fast.

No. 409299

This story makes me sound like a terrible whore but this is only the second sexual encounter ive ever had and im just so confused i want to get off my chest. anyway basically i let a guy a friend eat me out at a party this weekend after he asked, prior to that hed wed been chatting normally and hed been pretty much ignoring my shit flirting but something suddenly switched ig and it got sexual super fast the second we were alone. After what felt to me like a minute (was probably longer, we were both very not sober) he stopped and said “wanna go back out… we cant stay in here forever, theres people waiting” pretty coldly. (we where in the bathroom) and then basically ignored me the rest of the night when i tried to talk he would just go “oh in a second” and fuck off. Im not feeling ‘used’ or anything bc im not really invested, im just so curious as to why to the sudden switching. I guess its just guys getting what they want. He didnt seem the type to just hit it and quit it lmao based on off what id heard, and everyone that he’s been with are like hardcore feminist alt girls. So im just surprised. Guess all men are the same, i feel dumb for thinking different. I just dont want it to be awkward with him because I feel like we did generally get on and he’s friends with all my friends blablablah i did think about messaging him but then i realised how dumb that would be yikes

No. 409300

He didn't like you that way. That's all.

No. 409302

>he gave you oral and got nothing else out of it for himself
Honestly…at least that's better than him asking for a beej and that's it. Look on the bright side.

Sounds like he just was overcome by being horny at a party for a hot second but then realized he wasn't actually into you like that. A bit sad but at least he didn't date you months before realizing he's actually not interested.

No. 409305

hey anons I just really need to vent. so my mom has three kids with my dad – myself and my two brothers. Before my mom met my dad though, she had one other child. This son was a product of rape. Not only was getting an abortion not easy in her home country, she was morally opposed to the idea of abortion (her reasoning being that the child is not to blame for what her rapist did). She had her son and left him with her own mother (which is not terribly unusual where she's from) and moved to the United States when she was in her mid-20s. Then she met my dad and had three more kids with him.

My mother kept in contact with her first son and never hid his existence from us. We often wrote to him and sent him things. After he graduated high school he moved to the US to live with us. It was awkward at first but after a little bit I treated him just like my other brothers and we got along fine (for context he was 19, my brothers and I were elementary/middle school age). I don't want to get deep into detail but basically he turned out to be a shitty person. He started telling lies about my little brother to make him look bad to my own mother (lies that we instantly saw through because they weren't like my little brother at all). The cincher was when my mom sat him down and tearfully told him about his dad and he basically said "Kay cool, can I go back to my video game now?" After it got to be too much, we kicked him out of our house and have not spoken to him since. This was about eleven years ago. My mom has (rightfully, IMO) essentially disowned him and does not speak about him and dislikes him to the point that she has changed her opinion on abortion. My dad, however, seems hung up on him. About six months after we first kicked him out, my dad knew where my half-brother was staying and wanted to invite him to our home for christmas (his reasoning being that "no one deserves to spend christmas alone" which at the time made sense to my kid-brain but in hindsight I find fucking hilarious.) just today my dad was talking about my aunt and he made some comparison to my mom, saying "you both had three kids. oh no wait you had 4." my mom got pissed an corrected him and he got annoyed that she tried to correct him even though he knows better and I almost broke the spoon I was cooking with in the other room. He wasn't even being malicious he's just fuckign stupid and doesn't think before he speaks. he's like the definition of "well this is the LOGICAL thing to say who cares if it's insensitive." I was gonna write more but writing all that out has actually calmed me down lol. I just got tilted that he'd do something that fucking stupid on mother's day. Hope all the other anons (from countries where today is Mother's Day) are having a nice Mother's Day though.

sage for wall of text

No. 409307


Honestly thanks guys this is strangely reassuring. I think that is what happened, i think my friends just dont want to give that input and hurt my feelings or something. I dont think we are compatible anyway, ive heard he likes more dominant women and i dont really have the experience or personality to be like that. After he asked i was awkwardly standing around trying to figure out where to sit or lie down lmao, and i actually said no at first too (out of lack of confidence about my body/experience ) im the complete opposite of a dominant woman hah. Oh well from here ill just leave it and if when i see him again ill just try not to make it awkward (he likely dosnt remember anyway, but knowing myslef i’ll probably bring it up eventually lmao)

No. 409308

File: 1557696256427.gif (3.13 MB, 396x465, 002132312.gif)

>tfw sleep with someone in a relationship thinking it would be some no strings attached fling
>end up falling for them


No. 409315

The first mistake was sleeping with someone in a relationship. Not here to judge you, but it rarely ends up well. I hope you can get over it, anon.

No. 409320

how about you stop being a bratty spoiled girl? you literally have no empathy. This guy was abandoned by his mother and dumped with his grandmother all throughout his childhood and you wonder why he dislikes you and your siblings who have had the mother he was deprived of? did he choose to be born under these circumstances and basically be an orphan because your mom was too much of a coward to take responsibility apart from birthing him? and your mom goes as far as claiming he isn't her child at all? this is the most disgusting thing i've read all week. i hope you and your piece of shit mother become miserable and your brother thrive. Don't forget to take your birth control pill today by the way because you would make one horrible mother.

No. 409322

I hope it’s very painful for you and you learn an important lesson from sleeping with someone in a relationship, dumbass.

No. 409323

I don't know anon, your half brother must be pretty fucked up and felt really weird about his mom leaving to be raised by his grandmother and just get herself another family in the US. I imagine that just being close to your brothers must have stung hard for him, and about the rape child confession you don't know if your grandmother didn't tell him or implied that already and how is someone supposed to react to knowing they were the product of a rape? Was he supposed to hug your mom and thank her??
Even if what happened to your mom was awful it doesn't change the fact she abandoned her first child way before she disowned him. It just sounds like a very shitty situation when all involved made mistakes and are hurting.

No. 409328

Damn anon, you have no mercy lmao.

No. 409329

I have good oral hygiene, I floss, I brush my teeth, I don't drink anything except water, I don't smoke… But I keep getting cavities.

Little piece of my canine tooth just fell off (resulting in this rant) and I'm so tired… Now I have to go to the dentist again.
I've been getting my cavities fixed since I was a kid and I've been through it all. Cavities of all sizes, broken tooth, pulling teeth out, root canals, filling and drilling with and without numbing…
I'm not scared of the procedures for one bit, I really don't mind them, BUT it's so fucking humiliating.
It may be stupid but I'm always so fucking embarrassed to go there, I feel like they probably don't even believe me. "Remember to floss!" YEAH I KNOW I'm fucking trying my all and it's not enough.

No. 409330

>I don't want to get deep into detail but basically he turned out to be a shitty person.
You probably should go into detail if you want any sympathetic responses, because he does not sound like the asshole in this situation.

No. 409331

Let's be honest though, if he was indeed that much of an ass OP's mother would hold a big portion of the blame for not having raised him and telling him his father was a rapist and she wanted to abort him. There are things you should never tell your kids.

No. 409334

This sounds like a story you would tell misbehaving children to scare them off. ''Ok kiddo, I'm leaving forever to live a comfortable life in the US with my new actual children, have fun in the third world with your grandma''

No. 409337

While we are on the topic of abortion and bad parenting, my dad told me when I was like 6 that my grandmother on my mother side said my mom should abort me when she got pregnant, that they were even going to get his sister to recommend a doctor as she's one and abortion is illegal here, and even though I didn't really understood it completely at the time the feeling of being unwanted by someone you loved really stuck with me.

No. 409339

my period is kicking in soon and my hormones are so whack this month i just started SOBBING when i fucked up an egg i was cooking by putting on too much parsley im so fucking embarrassed bc my bf thought i hurt myself and i had to really come out and say no i just made a mess

he was really nice about it and made me a new one while i was crying but god damn im mad at myself for even getting worked up like this since its so unlike me, fuck periods

No. 409341

Could be genetic.
All the women in my family have our teeth start demineralising by 25. My baby teeth grew in black and rotted, and the adult ones are amoxicillin damaged.

Your dentist can see the lack of plaque and buildup on your tongue and has probably seen other patients with similar problems. It sucks so much when people act like you don’t brush, but your dentist would know better.

No. 409345

Yeah, I think it is genetic. I can’t think of any other reason. Thank you for reassuring me. One thing I’m thankful for is that my teeth look fine when I’m smiling, they are white and don’t look bad to the outsider. They just aren’t healthy. And of course I’m scared that one day I’ll lose my smile with this rate.

No. 409351

File: 1557705497333.jpg (10.13 KB, 123x125, c7f50040-279e-4f2e-a2f2-3c3d62…)

I'm going to assume that you're over 18 due to the site's rule, so with that assumption it'd be rational to gather that you're in uni rn.

>Your life is going to be fine if you don’t do amazingly on one of your exams.

Probably, but your average will fall.

Also I've noticed that poor but driven students are more worried about this due to not having any connections/fallback options.

No. 409352

yeah, some stuff is just genetic. my dentist and i were talking about genetic biotypes and the biotype of thin gums which are waaay more prone to irritation/inflammation. she says it's just her biotype and she's meticulous but she has to be careful about them. she says it's just genetics sometimes, especially with teeth and stuff.

No. 409361

I'm 25 and I don't feel ready to be a grown up yet.

No. 409364

I'm terribly scared of cancer and always have been, but since I moved to another country it's only gotten worse. I wish there was a way to detect it early without looking like a hypochondriac, but here doing any kind of tests/bloodwork without actually being sick is something doctors will not allow you to do because you don't need it and there's many people who do who need it more urgently. Annual check ups are also discouraged, unless you're in pain you're treated as a loony for even asking to see a doctor once a year.
To make matters worse I wanted the HPV vaccine since years ago but my mum convinced me that it was dangerous because "everyone on TV said so" and forbid me from going so I didn't get it and now I'm too old for it. But I can't have a yearly pap smear because I can't go to the gyno unless there's something wrong with me or I have lots of money for a private clinic. Back home yearly checkups were perfectly normal but the doctors were underpaid, unprofessional and sloppy.

I'm especially scared because I have random stomach pains and hereditary colitis but people just say I'm paranoid and tell me it'll go away. I just want to be sure and not bother worrying anymore, I don't want to have to suffer just so people take me seriously.

No. 409365

not going to go into more detail because I don't have time (except that it was normal to be raised by grandparents in my mom's family. she was also raised by her grandmother. and the reason she left was to find work so she could support my half-brother, but my grandmother decided she didn't want him to come live with us until he reached adulthood). for the record though because my family never ever talks about their problems and I was never supposed to talk about them growing up, I've never really gotten an outsiders interpretation on the situation. my mom's side of the story was the only one I really had a choice in abiding by. and I haven't seen my brother since I was a child so I never really confronted the situation as an adult I guess. reading these responses feels like a wakeup call. I didn't think I was a shitty person but now I feel like complete trash. if anyone else had written that post i'd think they were disgusting too. i have a blind spot when it comes to my family i guess. fuck.

No. 409366

I fucked up 3 transcriptions at my job and I don't even know what I did wrong. I didn't get any feedback and they won't give me any. So I'm staring at these stupid files wondering how I fucked up, combing over them and cross referencing the style guide and I just honestly have no clue. I'm so upset I cried a little, I guess I'm just so frustrated because I'm usually very good at my job and I'm not sure where the mistakes are.

No. 409368

Is that possible? My dad had the same thing as you and says I inherited his poor teeth quality but I saw a dentist a few times and she said that doesn't exist and scheduled dental cleaning lessons with a nurse, which they normally do only with school children.
I eat the same things as my bf, we brush our teeth together, we floss and use mouthwash and chew Xylitol gum. He gets no cavities, I get a lot. Both my parents are almost toothless in their 60s (they have veneers and bridges so they don't look busted but very few whole teeth) and I don't think I have a choice either.

No. 409369

Idk why I creeped my mom's fb today. I wish I didn't. I don't have contact with her. My younger siblings seem to adore her and she was getting so much praise from people for being a good mom and grandmother. I want to puke. She failed me over and over in so many ways. She seems to have her shit together these days but she never tried for me. She never changed for me even when I begged her. I'm thankful my younger siblings have a stable life and more oppurtunities than I did but I am so angry when I think about younger me and what I had to deal with. She will always be a fucking heap of trash to me.

No. 409370

Have you tried getting back in touch with him? He must be lonely. I was the anon who was pretty mean to you but the thought of a mother denying the existence of one of her children while being a loving doting mom to the others is just heartbreaking… He must feel extremely rejected

No. 409375

I'm too from a country where it's "normal" to be brought up by your grandparents and I was too for the majority of it, bc my mom was a single mother and had to work abroad to earn a decent living. trust me, it does leave a mark on you, even if the family stays together and the parent doesn't go on to form a separate, "whole" family. I'm glad you have come to realise the other side if it though, maybe consider reaching out to your brother as the other anon said, but also understand if he wants fuckall to do with you.

No. 409376

He doesn't have any social media and is generally hard to find. Last I heard he has a wife and kid and is doing okay though.

No. 409384

Same, anon. I hate comparing myself to my siblings especially with how different my parents them and me. I don't hate my siblings, but I sometimes wish I was treated better when I was younger. I had multiple people notice the difference, even now, and they'd tell me after I told them I'm no contact with my mom.

My siblings and I have different biological fathers and I think my mom knew this entire time, but kept it a secret to everyone and took out her guilt on me.
I only found this out recently from a DNA test kit I got to do for free. The first thing my mom asked me was after I found out was "Why did you even go and do that? What made you even want to look?" Like I had any idea the man who raised me since birth wasn't genetically related to me.

No. 409386

>have no money
>get job
>get stressed because of job
>buy useless shit because I'm stressed
>have no money again
It's an endless cycle

No. 409391

So learn a better way to handle stress than cheap junk. Duh.

No. 409397

can you not return the dumb stuff you buy when you realize how dumb it was to buy them? like the shopping highs and stuff can't last long enough for you to not realize you should return the useless junk

No. 409401

Im really tired of my friend commenting super passive aggressive stuff on my instagram photos every time i post pictures with our mutual friend and our one other friend she doesn’t like, she’ll comment something like saying the one mutual friend looks great and make a second back handed comment towards the other two of us. She also messaged me saying how we never invite her out and it’s making her depressed but every time i ask her to go out it’s always a bs excuse that she’s used a thousand times or she won’t even answer and change the topic. She also only texts me to talk crap about people or when no one will reply to her, she’ll literally text in the group chat and if she doesn’t get a reply she’ll text me directly. I’m tired of shitty friends and of being used by friends for whenever they feel they need attention others aren’t giving them. I’ve muted my entire phone and don’t even check messages that aren’t from family anymore. This is super petty but it’s been going on for years now.

No. 409405

Are people really worried about straight men being like hit on too many times or something by a dumb, young twinky makeup artist? Unless he's Spacey level why is he cancelled for this or whatever

No. 409447

My dad is undiagnosed but two of my siblings have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder while I myself was diagnosed with autism at a young age. I can’t help but see my dad has components of both. He is incredibly emotionally abusive to my poor mother and has horrible social skills. The more I think about it, the more I refuse to ever want to pass on my dad’s crap genes to an unwilling human life. One of my borderline sisters is about to have a child and I can’t help but dread the possibility of her child ending up suffering from shitty genes the same way me and siblings have.

No. 409478

Because it feels disgusting to get hit on by / to constantly get sexual remarks from a person of a gender you're absolutely not attracted to.
If a straight man repeatedly doesn't leave lesbains alone, says lesbians are his ideal type and then proceeds to tell lesbians that non of them are truly only attracted to women, what would you say?
Him being homosexual, young and short/skinny doesn't change that, he still tried to use his influence and wealth to get people to be with him. The guys he's hit on were also very young and even if they happen to be physically bigger that doesn't mean they're mentally stronger too.

What I do disagree with though is (the american way of thinking) that him being 19 and hitting on a 17 yo means that he's a pedo.

I'm so glad that people are waking up. A billion of women have to put on makeup on the daily, yet when some little fag does it too, he instantly gets worshipped and turned into a millionaire. That's just not fair.

No. 409481


I used to feel this way as well but borderline personality disorder isn't genetic. It's caused by trauma, abuse and/or neglect, usually by parental figures. Best thing to do to not pass it on to your kids is to get therapy yourself and not project your own childhood neglect onto them (oftentimes subconciously).

No. 409485

Every time there is a discussion somewhere on the internet about something that interests me, I can't help myself but sound like someone who just discovered internet and give an impression that of an idiot.

No. 409486

File: 1557738325903.png (176 KB, 274x275, 1552349893586.png)

You know what? Fuck it. I've been on 4chan for 12 years but now is the point it became so insufferable even lurking isn't fun anymore. Not a single thread can pass without pol sperging, some retard derailing with how much they hate women or needless back-and-forth infighting instead of just playful banter how it used to be. No matter what board, no matter what topic, it keeps getting forced into every conversation and it's not ignorable anymore. There is no sense of community behind it anymore, because the majority of posters isn't even actually interested in the topic of the board. They just want to flood it with shit.

No. 409489

4chan ended around 2015 in my opinion and its only been getting worse
Hiro really should just delete it already as its just a rotting corpse of its former self

No. 409496

Moot should've kept /news/ dead after first time didn't work.

Bringing it back and turning it into /pol/ as a containment was a bad idea. It got so big it's leaking into almost every thread on 4chan. Being an angry incel is now "4chan culture".

No. 409497

You can thank /pol/ and every reddit trump sperg for that, they think the site is some l33thax0r gathering and everyone who isn't "in" with their political view point is obviously a newfag or "normie" despite them being the actual normies who probably found out about the site during the 2016 election, it pains me to say it but 4chan needs to go.

No. 409503

Yeah, I only browse 4chan like once a month when I want to find a specific obscure topic being discussed. I just got bored with it since it's simply the same talking points over and over again they copy and paste from reactionaries on youtube to fit in, even though OG chan culture would have laughed at them for taking cringy alt-right shit so seriously.

No. 409510

Yeah it has become unbearable, good to know I'm not the only one to notice.
It's funny because even though there was always that classic warning to stay away from 4chan, if you actually gave it a chance and stayed on the blue-boards, it was a pretty cool place. Now it has actually become a cringefest to where it is now an embarrassment to say you browse 4chan.

No. 409517

Ok, so. I'm quitting most of my internet browsing and I'll be living off cereal bars for a while.
I've hit rock bottom, I'm 66kg, so officially overwheight.
I've been letting myself go in every possible way : alcohol, medication abuse, sabotaging my academic work, being really shitty to my partner…
Good news is that there's no way but up.
Bad news is that benzo withdrawals is probably going to be a cunt and I will really miss venting and listening to you farmers.
It's going to be sappy and pathetic but you are my only true friends.
I hope you'll be good and that I'll get better enough soon to come back and read your vents.
See you, guys.

No. 409521

Good luck anon. Hope you'll post to the brag thread next time

No. 409522

Damn anon, sad to see another one of us leave but at least it's temporary. I wish you luck. Dunno if this'll help but just repeat you're trying to gain fortitude and that you won't let yourself down.

No. 409532

Okay so I moved into an apartment, it's beautiful and great, except for the fact the landlord's husband has his own office in the basement. I wouldn't have an issue with this, but when he's on the phone, it vibrates into our room as we're sleeping. I've been thinking of attempting to soundproof our floors with a rug under the bed and maybe putting some acoustic foam on the ceiling in the basement. Our bed has no frame either, it just sits on the box spring, so I'm thinking of buying a frame and hopefully that'll help.
Also the air in our bedroom is super still. I need to find another fan to get the air flowing.

No. 409539

My favourite overalls are falling apart, barely 2 months after purchase, and they cost me $120. Livid.

No. 409541

im pretty sure i have borderline personality disorder. it's extremely exhausting and is definitely becoming worse. my emotions are a constant cycle of manic, sad, angry, emotionless, suicidal, manic and over and over. i keep purging and cutting myself in the down moods but then feel happy an hour later and feel annoyed that i hurt myself so bad earlier. its affecting my relationship majorly as i keep yelling at/fighting with my partner Nd thinking thoughts of leaving them for no apparent reason. idk what to do about it really. mental health care is confusing and time consuming and i hate taking medication.

No. 409548

>tfw borderlines keep appropriating bipolar's "mania"
it doesn't exist for you guys fuck

No. 409563

kek BPD definitely doesn't have mania. I can understand the confusion but people with BPD just have a higher reaction to all emotions, meaning feeling "up" or agitated feels extreme. Bipolar mania is beyond this. It is not the same.

Also, go to the doctor. I feel bad for people with BPD because it's looked at so negatively but holy crap, it seems horrific. It's really hard to live with and getting help ASAP would surely benefit anyone with untreated BPD

No. 409591

Have you told your landlord? If you were doing the same thing, then your landlord would expect you to stop. If they were just your neighbour you could even call the cops if you wanted if the noise persists past reasonable hours. You are paying to stay there, they should fix this issue. If they don't, document it in writing and ask them to fix it in writing, a paper trail normally speeds things up. Don't put up with it by paying your own money to fix this issue, they wouldn't do the same for you.

That sucks, but also for same kind of money you can send the wasted overalls to a seamstress (local or online depending what country you live in) who can use them to make a pattern and recreate them. If it's a good seamstress they will be stronger and you can even request your own customisation to make them even better.

No. 409630

Find a CBT therapist. Other people here might disagree but meds absolutely did NOT help my BPD as it increased dissociative feelings.

CBT will help you to rewire your brain and stop BPD urges. After 6 years of therapy I still very much have BPD thinking but the difference is I am aware of my thoughts now and can use other skills to cope.

Going to someone who specializes in BPD is important because not all therapists understand it.

No. 409637

People need to stop pushing this "Cardi B is a monster" bullshit. It's not a real problem and it was partly borne out of escaping poverty, and they were shit men. Meanwhile, everywhere you look, ball-lickers do nothing BUT humanize terrible men, by all sources. All of society humanizes evil men.

No. 409643

Cardi B is kind of a shitty person, regardless, so I'm not too worried for her.
She attacks other women constantly (especially ones that aren't white or Latina), so maybe she should be reminded that men aren't going to defend her honor.

No. 409645

File: 1557783800409.gif (3.47 MB, 500x500, giphy.gif)

I am so freaking horny and think about sex/boys almost all the time and I have no clue if it's because I'm frustrated, just have a high sex drive, its part of my personality, am bored, or am just using these fantasies to cope. I'm not addicted to porn at all (it's p cringey) and can control my thoughts and horniness in the right setting (unlike James Charles lmao) but I still feel gross because it occupies my mind way too much almost like I'm a dude. I'm in my 20s and haven't had sex yet so maybe it has something to do with that.
Idk but I hope I'm normal and not one of those sex addicted weirdos.

No. 409646

That's not cool, but she's not a monster preying on men or whatever. Just tired as fuck of the false equivalence bullshit.

No. 409649

I'm so disappointed. I'm so hardly interested in anybody and I started talking to this guy 2 weeks ago. I discovered on one of his profiles that he's still following other women who are seeking partners. That made me insecure as hell. I stopped caring about anybody else once I was getting to know more things about him, I thought he was so interesting… and the way he talked to me, the way we talked from early morning 'till midnight, nonstop… I just thought there was something developing between us. Seems like I made a mistake. I'll just back off now.

No. 409651

Nah you're not weird or a sex addict, just deprived like a person who's starving.

No. 409653

I'm so angry at myself for being stupidly cautious. I have playmoney to spare yet I hesitated to buy BTC and then stupid me got shat on by Fortuna with the fucking green candles. I did eventually buy but every dollar that is lost hurts my soul. Arrgghhhhhh and now I have to keep an eye out for the dump.

No. 409655

are you literally retarded?

No. 409656

Same position, but I'm mid twenties and thought it would have stopped by now. I hate the idea of casual encounters and don't want a relationship, all I want is to focus on my career and have an impact on the world. I feel like these shitty intrusive thoughts are sapping my energy to do meaningful shit. I guess overall it's probably less of a waste of time and energy than actually pursuing a relationship would be, but god I wish I could just take a scalpel to these thoughts and amputate them.

No. 409657

>she's not a monster preying on men or whatever
She literally drugged, robbed, and sexually assaulted men. What the fuck kind of mental gymnastics do you have to master to not consider that preying on them? And the ~survival~ excuse is complete bullshit because she's said many times that she was making a fucton as a stripper. Also, she didn't have to sexually assault them jfc.

Also, can we not stoop to victim blaming bullshit? Being shitty doesn't mean you deserve to be sexually assaulted. A cheating wife is shitty, but no one on this site would say she deserved to get raped if that happened to her.

No. 409665

Shitty men are generally not comparable to "shitty" women. They're much worse. Retarded men that visit strip clubs deserve all the bad luck that comes to them, dgaf at all.

No. 409675

lmao i dont even like her, but wasnt the guy who claimed she sexually assaulted him outed as fake though?

and also, these men went there with the intention to prey on disadvantaged strippers and prostitutes, even if cardi b herself wasnt, they deserved everything they got.

No. 409681

Where are you from anon? I can empathize with you a lot since I have the exact same fear. I watched my grandma die in 2 months after being diagnosed with stomach cancer and it was terrible seeing her suffer so much until it all ended. I got my pap smear one month ago and I have 3 types of HPV and 2 of them are highly cancerous. I have a coloposcopy scheduled soon and I hope everything will be alright. A lot of women have HPV actually and they don't even know it and some of them end up developing cancer. Cancer prevention is very important but unfortunately in less developed countries it's not normalized.

No. 409696

I feel like people (or at least the people I know) are so hard to buy presents for! I'd love to be the type of friend that gives gifts out randomly, but its really difficult to judge what people actually would like!
For example, a couple months ago my friend showed me something online that she said really liked in passing. It was something that I never would have guessed she would have liked, even though I have known her for ages and thought I had quite a good grasp on what she would potentially want. So I bought it and gave it to her on her birthday recently. She was so thrilled and it made me feel so happy that I made her happy like that! But I would never have thought to get her that if she hadn't previously mentioned it.
It may just be an anxiety thing, but the idea of giving a friend/family a present and them having to pretend they liked it makes me internally cringe so hideously bad. I would love to have everyone love the gifts I give them, but this dumb fear has made me start to dread birthdays/christmas's. Lmao if only giving people money was seen as heartfelt as a personalised gift. Certainly doesn't give me the same excitement of giving the gift like an actual present does..
Glad to get this minor annoyance off my chest !!

No. 409707

File: 1557794519248.jpg (46.27 KB, 500x375, 1535703865454.jpg)

I saw a dead body pulled out of the Hudson River today. I can't get it out of my mind so I will share it with this thread

No. 409710

This will sound like a petty vent but I really wish one of my friends didn't invite along her orbiter to a concert we went to. I like to flirt, guy watch, and receive attention when I'm at venues. Yet because this wet blanket was hovering with us constantly I feel like I got stymied. Guys probably assumed we were a couple, or just thought we were some weird group because of orbiter's vibe. Nobody really interacted with me or approached me like how they do when I'm alone. Orbiter fucked off later but by then it was too late and everything was over.
I'd be less salty if the orbiter had a good personality or was remotely cute but no. He was a boring, unattractive twat swat who couldn't even crack a smile or a conversation. He was a condescending and unhelpful jerk. I was hoping I'd make another friend of a friend but this guy was a completely useless asshole who box blocked me to boot.

No. 409711

Today one of guys, who I consider kind of a friend, told me I've gotten fatter, he knows I have disordered eating. Currently Iam like 10 lb from being overweight.And I don't know it just ruined my day, I feel sick again when eating and cant stop thinking about it…Moreover the week before he said this I was in a bad place ,constantly binging purging etc.

Part of me realizes that he probably said what he just thought and I shouldn't be angry or hurt. But as a kid who grew up obese and was bullied for 8 years about it and because of that developed ed and lost the weight, I can't help but feel deeply hurt…

sorry for rambling

No. 409712

Sometimes I wonder if guys don't say shit like this on purpose regardless if the statements are true or not. Are you sure this is a friend? I don't see how this isn't plain torment even if I gave him the benefit of doubt for not knowing your history. No decent friend says that to another friend even if it's true.

No. 409734

They've told us to tell them if they're too loud, but my boyfriend has off and on supersonic hearing when he sleeps and I'm able to sleep just fine. The thing is some days he can sleep great, other days it starts to irritate him. And that's the thing too, we sleep during morning hours, if it was our neighbors the cops wouldn't see an issue. We both work third shift.
I'm a musician so I have plenty of acoustic foam laying around unused. I've been wanting a bed frame for a while so we can store things under the bed so that's an investment I've been wanting to make for months before I moved into the apartment.

No. 409742

How do you guys deal with the crippling loneliness that comes with an LDR? I love my boyfriend so much but I find myself wondering if it's really worth it. So many nights spent alone…

No. 409753

>Nobody really interacted with me or approached me like how they do when I'm alone.
So it was at least you, your friend, and her orbiter. Three's a crowd, even if he wasn't such a wet blanket, people generally don't tend to approach people in a group… you sound like an idiot, but I guess that's what you can expect from attention whores.

No. 409771

You're an even bigger idiot for assuming I've never been approached while in a group before.
But go figure, a retarded farmer with pissed-upon cheerios is taking a remark out of context and running with it. What a surprise.

No. 409796

People on Poshmark are TERRIBLE at shipping holy fuuuck

No. 409831

I've decided I will probably stay in this country for the next 2 or 3 years sorting my visa and PR. So in my head that's saying goodbye to certain people for good. Good riddance I suppose.

No. 409837

So, I had a really rough weekend and I started to get support on social media from my online friends, but I cringed so hard when the ones reaching out to me used cow-tier comfort phrases like "You are valid" and "You matter." Like, I totally get the sympathy they were going for, but it felt so forced. I didn't even ask for people to reach out and comfort me, it just happened. I mean, I appreciate them coming to my aid, but some people really need to find a better phrase than "You are valid".

No. 409839

File: 1557828242262.png (522.92 KB, 521x532, 1557683272147.png)

How do all of these unemployed snowflakes afford their homes??? And if it's by neetbux, how do they keep getting them despite not doing anything to change it?
Hell I'm working and studying and I'd kill for my own home but can't get one because my income has to be double the rent. Just tell me their secret please

No. 409840

So I am back in my hometown this summer, after a few months since ending a ~5 year friendship. I've been proud of myself for blocking everyone involved and not checking their socials, but I caved just now and checked the insta of the girl I had the problem with. She literally painted a portrait of the guy who traumatized me in high school and whom I told her I felt extremely uncomfortable around (yet she still invited him to her wedding as her photographer and tried to keep it a secret last minute). It makes me feel less crazy, since she clearly was replacing him with me in disregard to my own feelings, but also disturbs me because all her pics are mostly her and him together even though she's married lol. The secrecy and betrayal of it all is what made me end the friendship in the first place. If she had been open about befriending him and asking if it was OK, I would've been calm about it. Now I still hope to not run into her while I'm home this summer, because the situation still hurts. She called me reaction petty but she gas lighted me even though she has had similar trauma with guys in the past.

No. 409843

That's just how people talk now anon, be glad your friends care.

I wish I knew. Lately I have no more bitterness for anyone that even gets up live at home with their family. Neets could accomplish so much, paying for rent takes up 90% of your energy.

No. 409848

Bank of mom and dad mostly. Some of them are hookers on the internet. Some have patreons and stream/make videos.

No. 409853

Having to be careful with money sucks. Having a fucked-up digestive system and not knowing why sucks. Having bad skin sucks. Living in a boring city and being unable to drive sucks.

Realistically my issues would probably be improved by eating better and less. It's just difficult to resist boredom eating when you're at home all the time.

No. 409861

I'm currently in a LDR, but the guy lives in the same country as me and he's got money so we can see each other with some frequency. Do you have any plans to move to a place closer to him, perhaps same city? Perhaps move in with him? Have you met IRL already?
I wouldn't be in a LDR if we were both poor and there was no possibility of ever moving closer or seeing each other frequently.

No. 409866

my uni has all the information about my course online, to the point where they say what topic were doing in class that week. and of course this is all publically available so my mom and grandma have printed out a version each, and they start fucking questioning me about it the second i put my foot through the door down to every single little detail, every single day for several hours. im so tired.

my mom also threw a fit when i wouldnt give her my password to the online school system thing, she literally started screaming and crying because i wouldnt give her access to it.

No. 409872

is this narcissism?

No. 409892

It's impossible to tell just from this description, though it's definitely not healthy behavior regardless of what the root of it is. You should prioritize moving out.

No. 409893

I saw a post from another farmer complaining about the state of 4chan, and in the last two days it’s like the /tv/ board completely imploded. It’s impossible to discuss anything.

No. 409901

Whenever an Amber Alert is issued, people call 911 to complain about the alert waking them up or being loud or whatever the fuck.

I really don’t understand how people can be so selfish and so stupid.

No. 409910

This is what prompted my post too, but /tv/ was already in a really, really bad state before. I didn't think it could get worse, yet here we are.

No. 409913

I’m in a dom/sub relationship with my girlfriend (and have been ever since we met) and she always expects me to do whatever she wants and needs and asks for, because she’s the “sub“. But when it comes to my needs and wants or when I ask her for a favor, she just shrugs it off and acts like she doesn’t care or will do it later (which ends up a lie) or when I ask her to watch a movie with me she agrees to it but then makes me stop it not even 20 minutes in, because she got “bored”. Her reasoning for this is that “I am a dom and doms are only supposed to care for their subs“ as if my own desires and feelings don’t matter.
When I try to talk to her about it, she gets really upset and starts saying how I am better off without her, how all she does is ruin my life, that she really makes me unhappy and I should leave her now, etc. even though I tell her almost everyday that I love her and she means the world to me. I don’t want to break up with her, but at the same time I don’t know what to do.

No. 409915

Sounds like you are both immature, emotionally stunted and unstable judging by the very core defining feature of your relationship: "dom/sub"

No. 409916

Sounds like she's using your dynamics as an excuse to be a bad partner, tbh. It's hard to tell with just your post, but the things she says when you bring up the subject sound pretty manipulative. She's playing the role of the victim and telling you to leave her when she knows you don't want to, so that you're forced to comfort her and end the conversation.

No. 409917

Of course she's playing the role of "victim"… anon is literally in a dom/sub relationship. Those who choose to put themselves completely 24/7 in a "sub" role is absolutely victimizing themselves. Do people enact dom/sub fantasies in the bedroom? Sure. Is it normal to have a relationship based completely on Dom/sub dynamics? NO.

This relationship will never be healthy if at it's core it's based on one person giving all and one person taking it.

No. 409920

my knowledge of modern BDSM is limited. but it doesn't sound like a Dom/sub relationship… what kind of sub has this much power over their dom? it sounds like you dommed wrong (maybe by making it a lifestyle, or by mommydomming?) and just came out with an entitled gf.

from your post she sounds like she isn't into you and is just using you.

No. 409924

Sounds like she's domming anon tbh. She sounds really entitled and bothersome

No. 409929

Read your own post and imagine somebody else wrote it. I can't see why anybody would tolerate such a one sided relationship.

No. 409946


No. 409947

Why don't… you just get a normie gf who respects you and dom her anyway? A lot of girls are naturally subby in the bedroom anyway?

No. 409963

I feel so low I started semi flirting with a younger dude to try and get back some self confidence.
It's not working. I feel disgusting and that he probably sees me as the sad old pathetic cat lady I am. Kill me now.

No. 409964

Maybe try drinking coffee? I personally hate coffee but I use it as a last resort when I need to be awake or if I've been constipated for too long.

No. 409965

I know Jewishness is a sensitive subject. I am a pretty non-confrontational person and don't take things to heart, but I read an article earlier and it made me reflect on my own experiences.

I was born to a Jewish Mother and an Anglo father. I am "half Jewish", if there is such a thing. Both my 23andMe and Ancestry.com tests tell me this. All of my life I have struggled with identity because my mom's family is still very much jewish while my dad's family is starchily Roman Catholic. Everyone was quiet about it but there was a palpable distaste at my birthday parties (family would stay pretty much separate or in cliques) until my parents finally split when I was 12 and both families were not forced to see each other anymore.

I largely cannot stand my mother's family with the exception of my maternal grandfather. They act stereotypically jewish, constantly complaining and being downright horrible to be around in public, saying embarrassing things to staff, etc. My Jewish great-grandmother survived the holocaust so she was pretty fucked up. My grandmother was severely abused by her and the father, who would also physically abuse her. I have to forgive my family because I know a lot of why they are they way they are is because of the trauma and abuse handed down through the generations.

Whenever people find out I'm Jewish, two things happen:
1.) You don't /look/ Jewish
2.) Oh yeah, you do have a little bit of a Jewish look.

I know these things aren't the end of the world, but I've been hearing it all my life and it gets old. What does it mean to look Jewish? Ugly? Matronly? What does it mean to not look Jewish?

I've been with a non-Jewish Midwesterner for 4 years. The first thing his family will say when they speak about me is that their son is dating a "Jewish woman", and they say this in a nice way but it still comes off strange to me. It's like saying "my son is dating a black woman!" in an excited tone. I can't help but still feel that there's something less innocent about it, like it's a bad or "strange" thing.

Anyway just kinda rambling. Not really upset about it, just reflecting on my life and my own confusing identity. I know I don't struggle in the same way biracial people do but this makes me feel alienated even further and I feel like there's no where to talk about these things openly.

No. 409969

I had to boot my writer from my comic project. It sucks because we're best friends but he's tainted my project by being another disgusting gross male. I have a lot of hope in my comic being a beautiful project that tells many stories, but he just wanted to make it about everyone being hot, and there being lots of gore. I don't think those things always detract from the story, but the way he was demanding these things be presented was in a way that definitely would've. I tried to explain that women reading this wouldn't appreciate the main character being a sex object, even if you 'make the guys hot too'. That doesn't make it okay or even. He got angry and said 'we'll let the free market decide'. I let him take the concepts he came up with and go make something out of that, but I came up with the core of the comic so I am keeping that. Now I have to completely overhaul the story, after a year of art and work with him.

No. 409977

Lol ily anon. Just don't do that again. Younger men feel like babies too dumb to actually speak to tbh. They probably see us as cryptkeepers and time wasters until they find younger girls so really it's useless to speak to them. I'll get asked out by younger men thinking I'm younger and I feel so weird even speaking to them once I realize they're like 20

No. 409985

I have been talking to this guy for 2 weeks + some days. We were chatting online from the time we woke up to the time we went to bed - which was basically the same since I also sleep early and wake up early. He initiated frequently, so it wasn't me being clingy. Being the bpd bitch I am, I got super attached and obsessed. But years of therapy have taught me how to not act. So I was feeling all this, keeping it inside, keeping all the fucking tornado of intense passion inside and controlling my actions so I don't come off as a stereotype.
Nothing he said indicated what was to come. We had a meeting arranged for next month, he would come visit me in my town. I decided to take a look at his profile yesterday and noticed he was still following other women. I didn't think much of it, I was a bit shocked because I couldn't think of any other men, I was completely into him and satisfied with it. He's artsy, intelligent, quirky, has a stable career, same music taste. Basically a godsend and we were so compatible, he said it himself and talked to me the same way I talked about him here in the form of compliments, I haven't been interested in anyone like this for years.

Since I didn't want to say anything about following other women… I know it's way too fucking early, but considering how I couldn't care less about other men I thought he was on the same boat. I was merely disappointed, not jealous, because I thought I was already enough for him. I came up with an idea to talk about it. I asked if he was monogamous.
To my shock he said he's into multiple consensual open relationships/poly. Haven't I already had the shock of yesterday my heart would be in fucking pieces right now. I'm just mad. Why didn't he tell me this shit before? Would he EVER tell me? AND WHEN? Isn't this the sort of thing you disclose at the beginning of everything? We weren't official, of course, we've been talking for 2 weeks, but that's an important and VERY BASIC information when you're getting to know a partner. Being monogamous IS STILL THE NORM SO I JUST ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE ARE TOO.
Holy shit, what if I never asked?! I politely said it wouldn't work out for us and he wants to remain friends and keep talking to me. He even said he'd still come visit me anyway if I wanted. Oh man. Of course I won't let him anywhere near me and I need some time to cool down, I don't mind remaining friends but… I just… This has been a shitty week. I had a huge disappointment on Saturday when I went out and tried to make friends which failed. I'm surprised I'm not suicidal like I used to get.

No. 409986

probably too much fiber blocked you up more. try a stool softener.

No. 409990

What you feel isn't abnormal. Talk to other white people with multicultural backgrounds, like non-Anglo European immigrants. They'll say the same stuff as you. They're white, but othered at the same time.

No. 409991

File: 1557862858895.jpg (47.27 KB, 750x662, a1315ac3b973e0395c0dc39ccd7835…)

I just really want to make enough money to never touch a dick in my life. Is this too much to ask? There's no one I'm more envious of than well off women whose biggest problem in life is not having a meat dildo to grind on. People who think that love is more important than money and security are ungrateful deluded scum. Anyone else feel this way?

No. 409992

you don't need money to not have sex with men
Just don't have sex with men

No. 409993

I mean, you can do that without being rich. Lesbians do it all the time.
Unless you live in a very oppressive country? In which case I'm so sorry anon.

No. 409997

I also don't want to talk to them for networking or waste my brain power walking on eggshells around them or considering their retarded feels. Fucking hell, these critters are so annoying when you're not attracted to them it's crazy.

Women who were born into wealth or just happen to have enough money to make male existence unnoticeable are so lucky.

No. 410004

Why are you best friends with this tard

No. 410007

Get over yourself. You are exactly no different than the men who lament over having to deal with "insufferable, annoying, hateful" women.

There is nothing stopping you from sustaining yourself, but I imagine with a brain like yours it is hard not to get locked up in self-victimization.

No. 410012

I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that anon! Fuck that man for not saying something so important earlier. I'm proud of you for handling yourself well though. I hope you'll find someone for you one day.

No. 410017

The difference is those men still want women's company. Nice try.

No. 410018

Yeah, ok.

No. 410026

You sound like an unintelligent person tbh

No. 410027

Thank you very much! I suppose my years of therapy are paying off well considering how I'm handling it, haha.

I really hate how common/normalized poly and open relationships are becoming. I'm the kind of person who only wants to have sex with the dude/woman I'm in love with.

No. 410028

This. Stop calling those fucking scummy men "victims"

No. 410030

Any European farmers here?

I'm basically sick to fucking death of these African Migrant men here in the UK harassing women.

Today I was going to work this evening and this African guy is trying to get my number with his friend. 5 minutes it took me to get 'NO' across to this cunt.

It's like they just don't get it. I'm actually engaged too and they dont get it.

In my city its ridiculous because women are recording this shit from them. African men. its always them.

It happened the other day and one was hounding some girl in the street. She told him to fuck off and walked off.

its so gross

But it's happening to me so so often now from them. In the supermarkets and I've even been followed by one of them in a clothing store.
Fucking weird.

It's like theyre after getting foreign brides or girls to trade or some shit.

Anyone else experiencing this?

No. 410032


Also *

I wish we could just ship them back home from the UK

Not because they're black jesus

Because they're just fucking scum and gross

No. 410034

Im distancing myself after this. We've been best friends since I was in middle school but he's become someone I dont want to know anymore.

No. 410043

Anon same, I've been cornered in my office alone by a guy from Nigeria and he refused to leave until I gave him my number. He stepped outside for a minute to take a phone call and I locked the door behind him and hid in the back room with my phone in hand, ready to dial the police. It's fucking scary.

No. 410048

(partly) Nigerian anon here. You're not wrong or racist for noticing this, Nigerian men in particular can be extremely scummy and complete beasts. The best part is that some even have the nerve to insist misogyny "doesn't exist" in African countries and that we live in a matriarchy.
I'm sorry you have to deal with them, too.

No. 410052

I’m American but I went to France as a teenager. While we in Paris. A bunch of African guys started to harass us and say sexually explicit things to us. We were all like 15-16. It was pretty gross. I can’t image putting up with that on a regular basis. I’m sorry, anon.

No. 410056

> I just really want to make enough money to never touch a dick in my life.

Is this supposed to be hard to achieve? Like, why would you need to touch dick for money?

No. 410057

File: 1557875001667.png (541 KB, 469x579, Screen Shot 2019-05-15 at 12.5…)

>play vanilla WoW
>get fatigued and bored of it
>read people talking about FFXVI
>decide to try it out for myself
>download the free trial client
>20gb later it downloads
>i run it
>the sound is glitchy and choppy and my FPS is like 17 because i have a macbook air and not a gaming PC
>ok whatever, i'm just testing it anyway
>start character creation
>millions of options
>i make my character and she's so pretty wtf
>i start the actual game and everything is beautiful
>is much like WoW so i don't need to waste time learning the basics
>i really want to play this game but my laptop can't run it without it going choppy and the audio constantly glitching
>my graphics are also all the way down so everything is not anti-aliased and not nice looking
i'm honestly distraught about this and i don't know what to do, i want to play this and see how it goes and maybe i'll even want to play this instead of WoW but i can't because the game needs so much fucking processing power and this is only the trial version, if i decide to buy it and everything it's 60gb. it's not fair

No. 410058

save up and build a cheap desktop. it's great and easy to do.

No. 410059

most games aren't shitty computer friendly, you're going to have to upgrade if you want to play anything other than wow.

No. 410060

yeah i was thinking i'd get a job over the summer and do this, it's not a bad idea at all i just have no idea what parts i need and some are pretty expensive (like a good graphics card)
i don't have a shitty computer its a macbook air 2018, it's just not designed for games.

No. 410062

File: 1557875442788.png (146.28 KB, 319x370, 1520101592683.png)

>tfw my bf screams at me while i'm having a ptsd episode (which makes it worse because i was used to being screamed at while sexually abused)

No. 410063

>i just have no idea what parts i need and some are pretty expensive (like a good graphics card)
it's been a few years, but the r/buildapc subreddit had an updated list of parts for any price point, mentions on sales, and there's really simple tutorials on how to put it together. I don't know shit about pc building and I did mine in an hour. The most expensive item is the screen.

No. 410069

You at least need a PC with a dedicated GPU to play XIV. The GPU can be shit and 3 generations old but you do need one.

No. 410070

I'm PMSing really horribly this months and it's bringing out all the emotions I've been suppressing for the past two years.

I've accomplished nothing besides not killing myself and finding a nice man to marry.

No. 410083

>not killing myself and finding a nice man to marry
don't sell yourself short! those are two good things.

No. 410092

File: 1557882149206.jpg (41.56 KB, 599x900, stressed-young-woman-sitting-f…)

Currently I'm in a state of antsy boredom but low motivation and energy. I keep getting up from my computer just to wander around the house for 2 minutes only to resolve myself back to browsing or laying in bed. This isn't fun. There's also this sort of anticipation, waiting to hear from a guy that's making me feel sick.

No. 410101

I’m mad because even though I fixed my sleep schedule, I still wake up in the middle of the night more often than not for no reason. Sometimes I do have to pee, other times I don’t but I still wake up?? Sometimes I wake up wide awake, other times I’m groggy as fuck. I hate it because I time my sleep schedule so when I wake up I won’t feel groggy, but the random waking up fucks it all up so I end up waking up groggy anyway. I’m tired when it’s time to sleep but irregardless I still wake up.

No. 410107

For a while I found myself crushing on two people at once so I wondered if I was into poly relationships, but as soon as I started dating one of them, my feelings for the other person died so fucking fast. I can’t deal with poly relationships, especially if my partner was the one with other partners. My jealousy would fucking destroy everything lol

No. 410112

I find African muslims much more problematic than African christians.

No. 410115

I have to wait for my mother to die to commit suicide. I have decided this long ago. She's the only person who cares about me this deeply and I'm not a selfish prick. Only in my adolescence I made attempts that got me in the hospital because I failed to think of her. She doesn't deserve to suffer because of me. Thankfully once she's dead I'm free.

No. 410116

I can relate to this shit

No. 410125

I find American American Muslims just tragic
they don't want to be Christians because that religion was forced on their ancestors and I understand that but becoming Muslims as an act of rebellion is completely retarded
because Muslims were the one's captured and sold their ancestors to the Europeans among other thing that the Islamic slave trade lasted much longer

No. 410127

i am harassed all the time by black dudes, who make all sorts of lewd remarks to me, only to usually walk away, calling me names
Listen I'm not racist and I'll date a attractive and nice man regardless of his skin color,but I'm kinda wary of black men because of personal experiences.
like this recent encounter,I was at a bus stop in the scorching heat(to go get groceries), where a fat black man shuffled up next to me, and then began to mumble-blurt out some sexual fantasy or another. When i finally understood that the lewd mental scenario was involving me, my stomach did a full 540' twist, and i had a bad case of heartburn for the rest of the day. I repeatedly turned him down, and as expected, he turned surly and spouted that i was just scared of black cock, as he shuffled along to elsewhere.

No. 410128

Nope, you find something else to hold on to. Get a pet, get a nice hobby, get an SO, and use another excuse to keep your ass alive. And just think of that excuse when you get into a dark place. Also get a therapist.

No. 410134

where are you from? you're white? black guys have legit only ever helped me. i'm not saying they're all amazing and not gross, but i've been blessed to have so many black men honestly help me when i'm in trouble. i had a black guy help me with my first car crash – a literal stranger, call the cops and help me with reporting the crash and help me through it while i was crying, blah blah blah. i locked myself out of my house and had to walk like a mile to a 7-11 to get to a phone to call someone i knew, and another stranger black guy was worried i would get hurt and made sure i was able to contact someone and they could come pick me up, etc. idk i've been in very vulnerable positions multiple times and black men have helped me tremendously. my mom is always worried they'll assault or mug me but they're always nice to me and many have gone well, well out of their way to help me tbh.

No. 410146

I'm an unironic terf, manhater and consider myself radfem but I feel like this place is going to the shitter because of all the /r/gender_critical mentally ill tourists coming here and starting all these "gay men are evil" "casual sex is evil" threads.

No. 410149

same but casual sex really is gross, like, there should be casual sex shaming for both men and women. you (as in, any person - male or female) become a disease vector and it's dangerous to be so vulnerable with men, let alone men you hardly know

No. 410151

You've posted this at least three times across this board. No one got mad at you once. What are you even trying to do at this point? Is it some sort of social experiment?
You even shoehorned this pasta into a thread about doctors to imply that it was a valid reason to not want a doctor who's black, too. Seriously, are you okay?

No. 410153

I genuinely have no idea how you came to that conclusion, I go on /r/gc occasionally and they are like the polite, restrained version of us where they wouldn't shit on gay men or women choosing to sleep around (even if they acknowledge the issues with it and discuss from a feminist perspective). Hating on gay men, calling girls sluts, calling people trannies and troons etc is way more likely on here, where it's anonymous and pretty hostile in comparison. On reddit they have to at least act somewhat nice to seem rational and logical.

Either way they are hardly different perspectives, it's all relevant to feminist discussion so I don't understand where you're seeing this divide between us.

No. 410155

Kind of ot It makes me really angry how many black men hate black women, I'm not a black woman so it feels weird saying this but they're bringing the self-esteem of so many black women down for no reason because so many black women are gorgeous. I find men of all races do this, but I wish there were more diverse interracial relationships other than just white man/asian woman or black man/white woman.

No. 410158

It's actually really wild to me (as an African) how many Africans and African Americans don't even seem to realize that Muslims were one of the earliest to enslave black people. They're still doing it, at that. Why do they just get away with it? It doesn't make sense to me.
In fact, at least Europeans and Americans acknowledge the fact that slavery was horrible, and even though there are still racist shitheads around, they somewhat try to make things right. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of nice ME people, but their societies are still so painfully far behind when it comes to things like racism (and sexism, at that). It's abhorrent.
If some people think being black in America is hard, they should just try being black in a Middle Eastern or North African country. Awful.

No. 410160

Why do people just say stuff like "get a therapist" when someone says they want to off themselves or when someone complains about depression, I know it's well intentioned but I'm pretty sure those people would have gotten help if they could have. I mean getting a therapist is not even that easy for some people that suffer from mental illness because those people are probably having financial difficulties as well since living with mental illness makes it hard to hold a job or maybe they're stuck and they can't even gather enough motivation to seek help or maybe they did go to a therapist but they didn't find the right one.

No. 410166

File: 1557893305288.png (207.31 KB, 512x512, scaredjade.png)

I met this cute girl a month ago at an event, who I ended up really hitting it off with. We have so much in common, feel the same way about tons of stuff & immediately started making plans to do stuff together in the future. She likes women too and I got the sense she was into me the more we talked. I've flirted with her a little bit and she seemed very responsive. But I'm retarded and started second guessing myself, so I backed off. Now I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm not interested in her. But I'm just scared because I've never done this before and don't want to scare her off by coming on too strong or moving too fast. It's so rare that I feel such a connection with someone like this.

No. 410167

This will sound weird, but I've somehow unironically faced more shit for having a non-black boyfriend than for being a black woman by itself. Black men who were born/raised in America or the UK seem to be the most obsessed with attacking black women, and I don't spend too much time around them (or men in general). I've never faced racially-charged abuse from men who were born and raised in African countries, just "normal" misogyny (at least until they find out I'm not dating African or even black). I didn't even realize the worst of the anti-BW stuff was a thing until I started using the internet and finding out that weirdos like Tommy Sotomayor exist, and it just made me veer a little bit farther from them.
I wonder if they realize their mothers are black, too. The more they do this, the more "their" women will start to distance themselves from them and date out. At least, that seems to be happening. I know it's not just black guys doing this, too, with all the white yellow fever weeb males complaining about how feminism has "ruined" white women and obsessing over Asian women as anime waifus. And then they get irritated when these same white women decide to date Asian men, lmao.
It's like men want carteblanche to shit on women of their own races in all sorts of ways, but then get super angry if we decide that we have other options, lmao.

No. 410169

Why do people talk about offing themselves if they aren't actually looking for advice and nothing can help them or change their minds? They know perfectly well even anonymous strangers dislike the idea of suicide and will encourage them not to do it. They recommend therapy because suicide is beyond the scope of what they can help with, and a professional is their due diligence.

No. 410173

Because there's nothing else to say in that situation.
Random people can't make you not-suicidal. The best they can do is listen and hug you, and that's definitely not always enough.
I've been on both sides of this, and it's just a complicated situation. There is no "right" or "good" answer from whoever is hearing about the suicidal thoughts, it's out of their hands.

No. 410174

And how's that advice considering the fact that they probably knew they had to see one. Isn't it just self-explanatory that they need to see a professional? I'd personally prefer no response rather than someone just telling me to see a therapist because it feels like they didn't even listen/read to what I said.

No. 410175

or they did listen, decided that they were out of depth for answering this cry out, and suggested the good thing to do? People post their nasty boils online all the time going "Is this infected??" and most of the comments go along the lines of "Yeah, you should probably see a doctor." They can't know if the person can't see a doctor, but that's still the best answer for something that's clearly wrong.

No. 410188

Sadvent incoming

I saw a post from IG of a girl that invited her Grandpa on lunch dates frequently and how excited he always was for them and it made me cry my eyes out. I don't have anymore grandparents and it's coming on a year since my maternal grandmother died. I loved her so much and she helped me out in some huge ways that I feel like I never really thanked her for. I wish I could go back and take her out for lunch. I know she would've loved to spend that time with me and my son.

No. 410198

>Why do people talk about offing themselves if they aren't actually looking for advice and nothing can help them or change their minds?

To get attention, it's low key manipulation regardless if they're conscious of it or not. They know there's farmers here who reply out of good faith and concern. It's not what they can get in real life, and if they posted suicide threats anywhere else on the internet they'd get either less kind comments or pesky samaritans who would be more pushy and less likely to poo poo passively.

They want to subject anonymous strangers to their troubles but wanna pick and choose the replies to curry to their self destructive narrative. It's bullshit and I ignore it anymore.

No. 410205

I mostly agree with this. I can sympathize with being suicidal, because it was me a couple of years ago, but in my suicidal phase I never thought about posting about it online. Idk it seems kind of pointless to me, and I don't think there is anything an internet stranger could have said that would make a difference. But everyone is different.

The vast majority of openly suicidal people are not going to commit suicide so I don't think it's too bad to ignore them.

No. 410219

It's kind of a struggle understanding that normie/IG girl wear would probably suit me better than all these overpriced alt clothes from obscure brands I keep buying, but loving the look of the latter far too much to ever give it up. I've considered just buying the more OTT/expensive stuff to collect and pin up on my walls as "art", but that'd almost feel like a waste.
Besides, even if I can dress like a "normie", I'm nowhere near a Stacy, I don't listen to Top 40 music, I don't enjoy most popular TV shows/movies/books, and I'm socially retarded from years of isolation. It's probably better that I dress like the impractical autist I really am outside of job interviews so I can just attract my own kind, have some sort of friend group and live.

No. 410230

Get over yourself

No. 410232


Original poster here about the African men thing. I’m biracial, half black and white. That’s worse because you’re automatically fetishised anyway in the black community but these African men are relentless.

They pester and pester for your details. Stare at you like a piece of meat. They’re not like the black british men who were born here. They’re different the Africans that come here. No manners, Even the features look different on them differ. Wider noses, emotionless features.

They’re just dirty cunts

No. 410234

What's your issue?

No. 410236


Black American and British born men are more into race mixing and attacking black women. But African men, right off the boat, they’re into anything. Anyone they can find as their bride or whatever. They’re not bothered. Gross.

No. 410240

I'm a baguette fag who lives in a very multicultural city and I've never had a problem with African men, they're usually really sweet and chill to me, same for most arab men.

No. 410251

I am also a black woman that often passes as biracial to people (i feel a bit uncomfortable bringing this up because many black folks see this as a humblebrag for some reason but its not my intention at all; it might effect my experiences from other black or mixed women) and i had a few encounters with African men. I am not around them often but definitely was a victim of extreme thirstiness from them before.

As far as ethnicities go i get harassed by Mexican and Latino guys the worst. Idk what's with them but they sexually harass me a lot

No. 410275

I think it's NecessarySpeed4, the weird GenderCritical and lolcow user who's obsessed with Confucius08. The sperginess and typing style are recognizable.

No. 410287


Mixed Op here

No no it isn’t a brag, some full black people can look mixed due to skin tone or features. It’s just genetics.

But yes.

I often get the odd asian man like Pakistani or some Arab glaring at me. But the Africans are the worst.

I really don’t like them because of them being like this towards me. My father is a Jamaican British born man. He says I should be apparently delighted because I’m attractive. That’s no excuse.

Men shouldn’t be doing this shit.

No. 410289

File: 1557916026933.png (251.88 KB, 421x460, 1528257164873.png)

my mental health is spiralling again but it's different to how it usually does. 95% of the time it's a really loud, unbearably sweaty, panicked, manic, pressing urge to kill myself because i'm horrible and awful and terrible and just bad bad bad, but this time it's just a very slow, creeping feeling – a soft voice that just coolly tells me how the things i'm trying to work towards will never happen, how everything is futile anyway so what's the point, how i've spent so long being abused/traumatised/unwell that i've not been able to develop any sort of sense of self so i have no idea who i am now or who i want to be in the future, and that it's too late to jump into exploring that both feet first because i'm getting too old to be able to excuse my fuck ups whilst navigating my personal/social development on the naivete of youth, and don't have a strong enough support network to actually withstand supporting me through any kind of fuck up at all. and i mean, the voice is right on that last point at least; everyone who i usually turn to for support is neck deep in their own issues right now, and whilst i'm trying to help them, they don't have the extra hands to deal with me being a burden on them, too.

i'm used to the first kind of spiral; ignoring the goblin that's screaming in the living room of my brain whilst banging pots and saucepans is simple, and easy, but this new kind is hard. i don't know how to deal with this cold, stifling darkness as it slowly swirls up my legs and wraps around me. it's up to my chest now and it's just leisurely crushing the air out of my lungs. it feels like it's so much bigger than me and i don't know how to fight it.

i had a dream about shaving my head like britney spears the other night, i just really hope i can pull this all back around before i end up doing something drastic.

No. 410292

You know its weird that so far the only men Thus far that never glare of objectify me have been Sikhs and Hasidic Jews

No. 410294

My mum called my mobile about 20 minutes ago. Phone was lost in my bed, so I pick up just as the call ends, so it still doesn't go through. I'm sick, so I don't hear her call the housephone until the last minute.

Now I've tried calling and texting her since then and she isn't picking up. I'm freaking the fuck out because what if something has happened? She has an infuriating habit of putting her phone in her bag and then not fucking hearing it ring but I can't stop crying because I'm frightened she's in trouble and needs me.

No. 410296

File: 1557917887296.png (228.06 KB, 2048x2048, 0CBCBB02-B922-4FF9-B640-454940…)

I just want to be able to use emojis on here

No. 410297

If it was an emergency she would text you

No. 410299

this used to happen to me every day, the only thing you can do is tell yourself it's out of your hands. I know it's frustrating not being able to contact her considering everyone is perpetually usually instantly contactable/glued to their phones, but I'm sure it's something minor and she'll get back to you.
I can relate a lot though, just take some breaths, have some water and sit tight. I'm sure she'll get back to you, don't stress yourself out too much.
keep us updated when you hear back from her, otherwise I'm going to sit here worrying too haha. it's gonna be okay cutie!

No. 410301

if you want to murder your sex drive in cold blood, try zoloft. I think it turned me asexual and I dont know if it's fixable.

No. 410303

I'm so fucking tired of my more sjw-ish friends sperging about how abortion legislation is just random decisions, for no reason, and claim isn't even about uteruses so they can shoehorn trannies into it too. People in opposition to abortion don't just feel that way for shits and giggles, it's so annoying to only hear "my opinion is right and if you disagree or even so much consider that the other side has a belief that they're trying to uphold too, you're like, literally Trump" over an issue that affects me too.

No. 410304

File: 1557919281080.gif (911.01 KB, 500x280, Kw.gif)

I just found out that my boss is basically a male slut. He only employed women, thinking he could fuck around, despite having a gf and child. He hits on literally anything with a vagina and it's so repulsing, ewww
I'm just glad he barely ever comes here since he's from another country, but hearing the stories from my coworkers honestly give me anxiety.

No. 410306

Someone’s personal qualms with abortion shouldn’t result in the restriction of women’s bodily autonomy and control of their own reproduction. Pro incubators don’t deserve to be heard as it’s entirely an antiwoman ideology who wish to impose their own morality on others. The beauty of pro choice is that if someone doesn’t want to go through with an abortion they don’t.

No. 410310

Being against abortion is fundamentally against female bodily autonomy, and being alright with states who seek to defund abortion facilities which are also responsible for providing the majority of reproductive care in a cockamamey effort to stop abortion is fundamentally against female well being.
There is a right and wrong opinion.
You have the wrong one.

No. 410311

Yeah being against women's bodily autonomy / integrity and reproductive right is pretty fascist.

No. 410355

I really hate that society puts all these expectations on women to have children. Sometimes I consider tranny shit just because of how triggering the thought of getting pregnant/having a kid is to me. Abortion isn't even legal here so I would probably kill myself. I can barely take care of myself, why would I want to take care of another life. It doesn't help that doctors here refuse to take inquiries into tubal ligation seriously.

No. 410367

>make it hard for women to make themselves infertile
>make it illegal for women to get abortions
I'd say it's dumb but they know exactly what they're doing.

No. 410373

It’s a big ‘ol conspiracy to help replace the population since they keep letting their kids shoot each other up

No. 410375

I work in the political world and I am constantly surrounded by both ends of the spectrum.

I do not care about abortion, I think it should be legal but I also don't believe in half-measures. It absolutely is murder and people lose me when they try to argue it is not. "It's science! Bill Nye says it, too! Neo-nates aren't people!"

The mental gymnastics people go through in order to justify a fetus' inhumanness is really astounding. Then, there is this whole idea that every scientist, gynocologist, le-mainstream-smartguy supports it, because people love to adulterate science now in order to prove their arguments. Any time there is an abortion row in a state's legislature the first people to come forward for proponent testimony are gynecologists.

The same people crying about lab rats getting lipstick rubbed on them are perfectly fine with a creature of the same general intellectual equivalent getting violently suctioned until it bursts into chunks.

I am sick of the masses crying "MORAL GOOD, MORAL GOOD". Some people need a God in order to justify their existence and others need a cause. In the end, one does not have to think too hard to understand why the loudest voices in the room screaming for justice are often the most morally abject, squalid people, who outside of their cause live out a miserable and meaningless life.

No. 410380

If a fetus is truly a person in the law and we give it personhood, then abortions should be made illegal under any circumstances. This wish-washy bullshit is just bad logic and I agree with you that half-measures are stupid. But it also proves to me that the people who are anti-choice don't actually agree with their own bullshit and see a fetus as a person. Every person is 'pro-life!' btw until they have an unwanted pregnancy because only their circumstances are valid.

No. 410390

>The same people crying about lab rats getting lipstick rubbed on them are perfectly fine with a creature of the same general intellectual equivalent getting violently suctioned until it bursts into chunks.

1. The majority of abortions are performed much earlier than this so they are most likely induced miscarriages

2. This is a disingenuous comparison as the lab rats are suffering purely for vanity and consumerism whereas the fetus is being aborted due for a plethora of reasons, common ones being; financial instability, woman/girl is very young, lack of a support system, woman has no intention of having children but protection failed, etc. all of which are reasons which at the end of the day would negatively impact said fetus if they were carried to term

No. 410395

> disingenuous comparison
There is nothing disingenuous about it. There is for you, because you are putting more weight on the life of the rat and its "suffering" than on the life of the fetus. It does not mater what the situation is. The rat did not choose to put itself in the lab, nor did the fetus choose to put itself inside of the body of the woman. There is life there regardless.

What is your point?

No. 410398

My point was that the reasons they are suffering are completely incomparable.

No. 410401

I think anon you replied to is saying that the consequences to the woman are more important than the consequences to the rat, in this case. And human woman's rights far outweigh those of a rat's.

No. 410404

>It absolutely is murder
So you're going to look women in the eyes who've had a miscarriage and say they've committed involuntary manslaughter? That happens in third world shitholes.
You're going to tell someone with an ectopic pregnancy that they're responsible for killing someone because they'll die if they continue the pregnancy?
Also happens in third world shitholes.

You're right, let's not half measure the language. Look at women in those circumstances and tell them it's murder to their faces. It'll go over so well.

No. 410436

Sorry for the suicidal rant. I tried to down a wine bottle with all the Xanax I had this morning but just ended up not being able to stop myself barfing it all up. Also tried to suffocate myself but couldn't do it. How do so nany people accidentally kill themselves? It's almost making me mad. I just wish I could snap my fingers and die.
And no, I don't want sympathy, anon. I know I'm beyond help and nobody is going to fucking care about an anonymous stranger. You can keep your guilt-tripping, I just have nobody to talk to and nowhere to put this.

No. 410437

If you really wanna kill yourself look up a better method. Alcohol + Xanax most likely won't kill you.

No. 410439

I don't want to guilt you but I don't think you should kill yourself if you're at this point youvd nothing to lose in trying something you've always been fearful of doing (aside from killing yourself). All the best

No. 410442

You'd thought that. I've been planning for days and I still can't sleep because everytime I try, I wake up with a nightmare of me failing at something.
Knowing I'm going and willing doesn't alleviate the pain and anxiety. I wish it would.

No. 410446

Please put that energy into something productive for you anon over killing yourself. Make a plan to do something else. Just make a plan to get out of your room today.

No. 410448

File: 1557938272239.png (247.84 KB, 1380x344, Happyfarmer.png)

This farmer's post help me feel a little better when I'm feeling like shit and having suicidal ideation.
I also like to listen to pop music from my childhood. Hope it can help a little bit.

No. 410451

Maybe try writing down your feelings on paper. When you get your thoughts out into the open it can help with dealing with them imo. Hell, even just scribbling around helps.

No. 410465

Then don't have sex? You realize that's the only absolutely fool proof way of not getting pregnant right?

No. 410467

I've had sex once in my almost 3 decades of life because of irrational fear of pregnancy. Thanks for the suggestion though, didn't know.

No. 410471

Well if you're in your thirties you will soon reach menopause so you should rejoice about that

No. 410472

Menopause happens in your 50s.

No. 410474

I'm so pissed off with the discourse around the female body especially by people so clearly woefully ignorant of female biology. If the womb is so fucking contentious and holy create some hormonal birth control for men that voids their sperm. If women have to suffer the fate of an unwanted pregnancy alone and face jail term for being born with the perceived holier than thou biology (yet us women the worthless vessel, make no mistake we are inferior it's just unfortunate that our bits are so useful /s). Like no one gives a shit about single mums or their children. Kids without dads probably face some type of bullying over it, like sucks for you, but no one is chasing down the dad looking to have a word and belittle him. I honestly think men shouldn't be allowed to vote on women's bodies, sure if they're an expert in the area they can be a credible resource but again, put it to women to see how the people with first hand experience feel on these issues. I'm tiredt of old white conservative men being the gospel on my body when they wouldn't know what to fucking do with it.

No. 410481

You're right. I just thought maybe she'd been attacked and someone stole her phone or something. I have anxiety disorder that I'm being treated for and my mum's health/safety is a big trigger for me because she almost died from illness a few years back.

Thank you so much sweetheart. She was fine and called me back just under an hour after. She was apologetic that I'd gotten so upset. She was just ringing to make sure I was alright, since I'm a bit sick at the moment. We've agreed that she'll leave a voicemail next time so I have some context to her calls if I can't actually speak to her.

No. 410492

I’m started to get annoyed with my sister using me as a free babysitter every time she “invites” me over her house.

No. 410506

make up nice excuses not to come over like you're too busy and then reschedule and repeat, or ask if you want to go out instead to get coffee or something somewhere neutral.

No. 410517

>sickly skinny friend gains weight after whining about how she ''just can't gain weight and is trying soo hard'' for years, how she wants curves like me etc
>she's now BMI 20 just like me
>now everytime we get together she finds a way to complain about how ''huge'' she is

I don't know if she's not yet used to being average sized or if she actually thinks we're both fat. I'm not mad at her for it but I always feel fucking obese after being with her now. She'll poke fun at herself and jiggle her thighs or squeeze her belly while sitting down, and I'm just like.. that's my body too.

No. 410519

Can you just tell her that? "You've spent so long bitching about how much you wanted a body like mine, and now that you've got it you're gonna bitch about having it? That's my body too, do you think I'm fat/huge/etc." Maybe more nicely than that, though.
Alternatively, she's just fishing for compliments, don't take the bait. Just tell her to do some weight training to tone up if she doesn't like how jiggly she is lmao

No. 410524

> I do not care about abortion, I think it should be legal but I also don't believe in half-measures. It absolutely is murder and people lose me when they try to argue it is not.

So, since we aren't going by half-measures here, you think women who abort should be in prison for murder. So much for that whole "pro-life" thing.

No. 410529

> you think women who abort should be in prison for murder.
NTAYRT but anon literally said they don't think abortion should be illegal in their post?

No. 410530

Except that no state allows abortion after the point where the fetus can feel pain outside of severe complications. Your makeup lab rat argument is stupid because you're equating medically necessary surgery with unnecessary experiments.

No. 410538

>unnecessary experiments
>medically necessary surgery

Says who? Who is the grandmaster of deciding necessitation?

No. 410540

Maybe the doctor…? The doctor who went to medical school unlike the politicians, most likely?

No. 410542

Wow, epic. This is where our discussion ends.

No. 410545

I'm not even the anon you were initially talking to. Who would YOU have decide what's necessary? Should we set up a disciplinary panel for every woman who needs/wants an abortion? Oh wait, we already do that when we charge people with murder.

No. 410547

i'm like 90% sure a scrote is posting here lol

No. 410549

At what point have I said abortion should be illegal? At what point did I even argue that?

The last few responses have just been people taking my personal belief on the matter to heart and getting triggered. Rabid pro-choicers are no more logical than the "YOU CAN'T PLAY GOD" retards. You don't have to explain your want for abortion to me, I do not care.

No. 410552

>It absolutely is murder
I'm just saying, if you believe it's murder, then surely you believe we should charge people for murder for having an abortion. Otherwise, it's hypocritical. Do you believe it's wrong to charge people for actual homocide?

No. 410560

File: 1557952722243.jpg (70.7 KB, 634x836, flat,1000x1000,075,f.jpg)

God I hate how much my period affects my mood and interacts with my depression. I just have so many… confusing emotions and I don't even know how to express or deal with them so I'm sitting here screaming internally. Fuck I wish I was a cold bitch with no emotions

No. 410561

I fucking hate bridezilla bullshit and how normalized it is. Your wedding is not a free pass to be disgustingly entitled and expect to be immune from people having boundaries with you. You don't get to just be a selfish bitch who expects everyone to blindly cater to your every demand without any consequence.

As a married woman, I understand wanting to feel like a princess on your wedding day, but if you can't do that without treating everyone around you like shit and getting your way 100% of the time, then you're the problem.

No. 410563

I fucking feel you, anon. Yesterday I was having a serious emotional meltdown as a result of PMS and it was hellish.

No. 410564

NTA but your stance that it's murder, but still being pro choice, is a little weird? I guess it just boils down to having a very different idea of what constitutes as murder. I mean, I guess one could say killing a mosquito is technically murder, but still think it should be legal.

No. 410566

… how can you argue that anon is somehow wrong for suggesting a doctor would be an authority on deciding whether or not an abortion is medically necessary? Please explain to me what logic you possibly could use to argue this?

As for animal testing on cosmetic products, we know for a fact it's unnecessary because plenty of brands don't do it. Brands only still do it so they can sell in China, which legally requires it.

No. 410568

I'm very scared of ending up with a man who's into rough sex (with woman receiving the violence). I have general neurotic issues with men that I've vented about before and am actually going to take action to see a therapist about because I can't stop thinking about it, but this seems like an actual valid concern.

It seems like all men are into choking, beating, and murdering women nowadays. I logically know this isn't the case and have even seen posts on places where men needn't care about their image (4chan) saying they don't like it. And submissive men exist. I just can't fucking get over it and any stories about a woman's partner slapping or choking her or something during vanilla sex makes me fly off the handle and either want to die or keep living to beat and abuse whatever future partners I may have as punishment for the deeds of other men.

I want to get over this so badly. I'm sorry I'm making man-hate anons look crazy when most of you are actually quite balanced (some have bfs, don't wish physical suffering on men, etc.) I just needed to get this out…again. Whenever I consider "no I'm fine I don't need therapy for this I'll just work through it" something happens and I realize I do.

No. 410569

I don't get it either. I had a budget wedding because saving money towards owning a home for our future together was a bigger priority. Most brides seem to have more money than sense and I sometimes feel sorry for the men that they're marrying.

No. 410575

Why did you ignore this anon >>410404? Wouldn't you want to call out murderers, or are you just doing things in half-measures like what you complained about?

No. 410615

My neighbors threatened to "take care" of my cat if it ever gets in their yard one more time. Same people to complain about a squirrel family living behind them. Tired of these bitter neighbors threatening my animals instead of talking like adults

No. 410625

I don’t know if this has anything to do with me being abused as a kid or my depression just making me think I deserve the worst, but sometimes I just really want my boyfriend to hit me. It’s not even like a sexual thing I just want him to hit me or maybe beat me up, I love him to death and I know he would never actually lay a finger on me even if I begged for it but It’s just this thing I want him to do so badly and when I think of him doing it I feel oddly comforted, like how some people look at things that remind them of their trauma and feel comfort. I know it’s messed up but I just feel like I deserve it??

No. 410626

It's terrible of them to threaten your cat, but you really shouldn't be letting it out unsupervised anyway. It could easily get hurt by so many things.

No. 410627

Get help.

No. 410628

Holy shit I thought I was super horrible for having this thought too. Like when we're having a spat the thought crosses my mind that I just want him to hit me like my mom used to do when I was getting the upper hand in an argument. I've never told him, and our spats are solved really calmly, but I feel like I deserve to be slapped for getting angry at him in the first place? I feel horrible about it.

No. 410643

My godmother's cat was murdered by a crazy neighbor. That was my wakeup call to never let my cat outside.

No. 410655

The thing is is that we dont fight. I usually end up feeling that way when I get depressed when I feel like I shouldn’t be and he should just knock some sense into me

No. 410660

I was abused as a kid by my parents. I used to get into confrontations a lot as a teenager but now I'm too scared of them. I always expect to get hit by a man even when he's slighty irritated because I assume that they all react the same. Even though I know they're a good and usually calm person. Does anyone feel the same?

No. 410662

…the literal conversation right above you is saying the same thing?

No. 410663

It reminded me of this but it's not the same. I expect from all men to be violent because of the smallest thing but I never said I wanted to be hit?

No. 410664

Squirrels are bothersome rodents and your cat has no business on their property. Sounds like they're angry because they're surrounded by nuisances.

No. 410678

you sound so bitter like have some water or something lol

No. 410680

>fiancé and I are finally in a comfortable place in our relationship emotionally and financially
>his mom has had health problems for years and refused to take care of herself, pressed on
>she also cares for her mother with advanced dementia who she refuses to put in a home/get help for
>was absent a lot of my s/o’s childhood
>finds out she has liver failure
>waiting for a liver transplant
>”I’m going to need your help”
>neither of us has any idea how to handle this

No. 410693

I watched the movie Trust last night and it hit too close to home. Basically everything in that movie happened to me except the physical rape. The fights and tension between the father and daughter about the issue, the girl feeling ashamed of the sexual chatlogs they found, being sent to the psychologist to talk about it, the whole thing. I was even the same age as the girl when it happened. I don't get triggered by movies about online predators but this movie got to me. I barely slept after. I kept thinking about the scene when the father is crying outside near the pool about when Annie was a kid and that he just wanted to protect her and I was transported back to being 14 and arguing with my dad about this online predator who groomed me into getting on the webcam for a year. I remember my dad finally snapping after all the anger and starting to cry and saying 'I remember when you were small being such a happy little girl'
Anyway I barely slept because it just hit too close to home and now I'm trying to get ready for work and it's all I can think about.

Silly I know.

No. 410702


No. 410710

I'm at the point with a bridezilla I'm dealing with where I almost hope her wedding is completely ruined somehow because she's such a smug entitled cunt.

No. 410728

Weddings are just elaborate displays of self-centeredness and entitlement to other people's time, money, and goodwill.

No. 410733

They’re a party to celebrate a huge milestone in the couples life, this is such a bitter view towards someone else’s happiness

No. 410741

>your happiness relies on inviting scores of people to attend a boring ceremony they don't actually want to be at, give money and gifts, and in some cases devote time and energy to be personal maids and attendants

You could admit it's a little selfish instead of saying something deluded.

No. 410744

You're making me not want to invite anyone to my wedding anon…
I think my mom would definitely want to be there though. And I really only have one friend anyway so that's not a huge change.

Regardless I've enjoyed going to other's weddings, it's usually quite cute. Only little ones though, never been to an expensive bridezilla affair.

(ntayrt btw)

No. 410748

You sound like the type of person who gets unreasonably angry whenever someone announces their pregnancy or talks about their kid because ~nobody cares about your fuck trophy haha~

Plenty of people want to be present at the ceremony and not everyone expects gifts. And maids, really? The world isn’t like American reality tv dramas

No. 410756

>a baby shower is like a wedding
Not really you daffy muppet. In fact, baby showers are at least a bit understandable because a lot of mothers need gifts and money to bring in another human. At least that's not entirely selfish.
But gender reveal parties are greedy ploys to get more money and gifts because one party where people give money and gifts isn't enough.

Your direct family and maybe best friend wants to see your wedding, everyone else would be relieved if you didn't.
And yes, bridesmaids are treated like maids and free party planners.

No. 410759

Not everyone hangs around with stuffy assholes like the people you’re describing.

Most people are normal.

No. 410764

I fucking hate irresponsible pet owners. It's like people don't even bother to Google basic care of whatever pet they take on.

No. 410768

I don't necessarily agree with anon's view but it's worth considering why an extremely big, expensive party is the normal way to express happiness over a marriage. The wedding industry is a fucking racket, they make so much money off girls who've been brainwashed to think of it as the best day of their lives and necessitates extravagant spending and planning and stressing. There are lots of milestones throughout our lives, but not every celebration goes to such extremes, because not every event has so much marketing and pressure behind it.

No. 410779

I work night shifts and it's so difficult to go to sleep now that it gets so bright so early unless I'm deathly exhausted. have established this shitty cycle of "unable to sleep for longer than 5h" for 3 days, followed by a "so tired I crash as soon as i get home and sleep for 13h" day, rinse and repeat. it also feels weirdly isolating from the normal "day shift" world now that uni is out. can't even work as many days as I wish due to overtime being cut.

No. 410858

i feel like mental illness has been so tumblrized that i'm embarrassed to be the way i am. i worry that people will think i'm lying about my symptoms or think i'm acting when i'm breaking down, just because so many people do things for attention. i don't know how anybody could advertise this kind of stuff. i really don't. whenever i consider reaching out or talking about it with somebody who doesn't know i immediately stop and dial back.

i guess i just don't understand how people who claim to be going through episodes document it on social media in a coherent way as opposed to say, hyperventilating on the floor and screaming a bunch

No. 410859

File: 1557998871392.jpg (22.3 KB, 300x300, a240aec0-c378-11e8-81c9-1b431f…)

It fucking baffles me that wedding dresses and other paraphernalia are so ridiculously expensive and people just go with it. You get to wear that shit for one day. My best friend had hers sewn for her and it was still cheaper than renting a wedding dress. Renting! You don't even get to own that bitch!

OTOH wedding culture in my part of the world is a fucking mess but there's less emphasis on spending money. Somehow a gypsy band always appears uninvited with whole ass French horns and accordions and people generally do the cheapest shit as long as there's alcohol, meat and people hanging from chandeliers by the end of the night. Of course there's always kids attending nobody cares about them.

No. 410916

Wow, you do sound unbalanced. Probably because you spend so much time on 4chan instead of meeting people offline. Do you not have a friend group with any guys in it?

I'm so tired of shut ins on here and on the internet in general talking about things because they have no social experience.

No. 410920

With the "normalization" of mental illness came this problem. I saw a fucking t-shirt with "ANXIETY" written on it the other day, as it's some quirky thing. So many people oversharing their problems on Facebook and it looks like everyone has some fucking issue because they talk about killing themselves in the heat of the moment. Naturally people who truly have problems get swept under the rug. Honestly it's better to not talk about it with non-professionals, much less post about it. It's an anonymous board here so it's not as bad as filling your Facebook profile with your disgraces.

No. 410925

Same. Suffering from actual major depression and anxiety is not something to be proud of. It's hard to talk to people about it because you can't accurately convey how you feel and fear misrepresenting the severity of how hurt you are.

Don't give up. If you have someone who tries to understand you, keep them close. It's takes a lot of investment emotionally to really empathize with the core of our struggles. So if they're patient enough, it can help over time to just find at least one person like this. It's probably the only thing that can keep me alive. Just don't bring them down with you, don't do that to them.

I hope you have someone like that, Anon. Hang in there.

No. 410937

File: 1558014423876.jpg (52.12 KB, 960x631, https---blogs-images.forbes.co…)

I cannot stand this fucking song, nor do I understand the fanatic obsession with it.

When you ask people why they like it…
>It's funny!
>It's catchy

And it's fucking everywhere, guys. I am constantly suffering. I feel like Dennis with "the noise" from Always Sunny. It fucking triggers a deep intense anger inside of me and never have I wanted more to break away from society and live in a barrel under a bridge. There's no fucking escape guys. I shit you not. For Mother's Day, my husband's family and I went to a nice restaurant. You best believe my horror when the manager came around ASKING the tables if they were OK with them playing the song because a kid had requested it. I have never seen someone request a fucking song in a restaurant, let alone a NICE restaurant.

I cannot wait until next week when it gets old and people stop playing it. Until then, I suffer greatly.

No. 410954

I agree. I think it's one of the most annoying songs I ever heard. The first time I heard it, it was ok. The next day, I heard it played twice and I was soooo over it.

No. 410977

Or maybe people just want the people they love with them when they get married? And anyone who isn't a complete narcissist should be able to enjoy a loved one's wedding instead of being irrationally annoyed they were invited because they find it boring?

Do birthday parties offend you too?

No. 411007

Can people make a wedding selfish? Absolutely, in the same way people sometimes sperg out on their birthdays or anniversaries because expectations were not met. Is a wedding inherently selfish? No.

A wedding is a celebration. For many families, it's the first time that both families will be completely together. Your idea of weddings is flawed because you are seeing it through your own lens. Are some people inconvenienced by having to attend a wedding? Sure, but some people are also inconvenienced by getting stuck in traffic for 15 minutes on their way to work. However, there are plenty more that do want to attend and if this weren't the case then you would not hear people complaining about not being invited to someone's wedding.

No. 411012

Fun fact, the chat convos were based on a real sting and they got the guy on Dateline:


No. 411013

My dad utterly repulses me especially when he touches any of my stuff. I’ve never heard him wash his hands after using the restroom and he always picks his teeth after eating his food and RUBS the leftover food between his fingers and SNIFFS his fingers afterwards. No matter how many times we tell him his habits are disgusting, he won’t change them. Last time I saw him do his finger-sniffing bullshit, I wanted to throw up. I fucking hate it.

No. 411017

File: 1558023676870.png (384.62 KB, 414x440, 1553357860438.png)

I used to be a sheltered neet throughout my late teens. I would spend all day on 4chan, but more specifically r9k. So being the inexperienced grill at the time with every kind of relationship ( including online ), I've made a lot of mistakes. One of these mistakes was online dating a robot off r9k. I sent him nudes and some with my face, including videos. We lasted about a year until he started blaming all his problems because of me not loving him enough. Well a bit after that feud, I decided to cut the relationship. However, I asked politely if he could delete my nudes and he told me he can't be bothered. Pestered him more on it and he told me that he will hold on to them just in case he has to. Now, fast foward about 6 months later and it's constantly in my head that he maybe posted them online. It bothers me to no end and makes me feel so very ashamed. I wasn't even attracted to this person, had low esteem at the time, and I sent nudes to feel like I had any worth. I know it was a really bad mistake and it feels like I've ruined my life from this. How do you cope knowing you sent nudes to the wrong trusted person?

No. 411022

Be logical about it.

You gotta think about how many people nowadays send nudes. People send nudes to people they know IRL all the time. Plenty more post nudes on the internet. Some people even post videos of themselves with their faces showing.

Having a few nudes out there is not the end of the world. If you live in the US, most states have protections and if you fear he would ever try to blackmail you it wouldn't be a big deal to get him fucked. It's a really gross feeling knowing that he could be posting them places but odds are he isn't.

What gets people in trouble with nudes are 1.) they are in a relationship and get blackmailed with them or 2.) they are high-profile people.

Don't feel ashamed because it's a completely normal thing. It's not like you were posting yourself with your fist up your ass on /soc/ and there's literally archives out there filled with your naked body.

No. 411025

I also dated a shithead off of r9k. He was porn-addicted and in total, had something like 500+ files worth of nudes from me because he would cry and complain and basically be emotionally abusive if I didn’t send him nudes. I didn’t learn until much later that he had shared his exes’ nudes before with other people online. Shit fucked me up for the longest time.

I’m basically over it because I’m not a celebrity, I’m nobody of note. There are probably billions of nude photos and videos online. Unless I do something that makes me famous or infamous somehow, no one is going to give a shit about my nudes. Even if I were someone well-known, it doesn’t reflect anything about the person I am. It reflects more on my asshole ex who violated my trust. Who cares about the reaction of porn-addicted loser men online if they see your nudes? It probably won’t affect your day-to-day life directly if it happens.

Anyways, that’s just how I cope with it.

No. 411038

Too many exams… I'm having about three mental breaks a day. I need holidays but I can't take a break. I'm gonna die so young from all the stress it's horrible. Just hate exams, especially oral exams. How is it fair to kick you out after you accidentally say a wrong word because of the stress. They won't even let you correct yourself. For them it's nothing, they don't see all the effort I put into it and just scream at you for disappointing them. In written test you can always just cross it out and write correct thing if you realize right away that what you wrote didn't make sense. You won't fail just because you didn't know one thing when you have all the other questions answered. In oral, if they don't like you, they'll just probe deep enough to find something you don't know and fail you. I'm so sick of studying for two weeks just to get kicked out in ten minutes and scolded how I don't even try and study. I usually ace written tests. I need time to prepare and think and I'm so sick of teachers judging you on the way you talk or dress, deciding if you're smart or not, even before you open your mouth.

No. 411040

i feel terrible after going off on someone for being a huge asshole to me. usually im pretty reserved and try to be the positive and encouraging friend to everyone in our group but one person thinks it's cute to have an attitude and chooses to use it mainly on me. she treats everyone else with kindness and just shits on me every chance she gets and literally everyone has noticed but nobody ever steps up and says anything about it. in the past ive helped her out and given her things with no expectations of her giving anything back in return and genuinely tried to accept her into the group but she seems to not realize nor care about that in the slightest and thinks its funny to call me names and laugh at my expense. i blocked her for a while on a few things after getting fed up with her abuse and ignored/avoided her as much as possible but then i felt bad and unblocked her and tried to get along with her again. welp what does she do as soon as i unblock her? use every opportunity she gets to insult and laugh at my expense and act like its cute to have an attitude. shouldn't have gone against my better judgement i guess.

so yesterday in front of a couple ppl i just went off on her and told her how she's ungrateful and childish and how much better it is with everyone when she's not around. i feel sad and embarrassed that it happened but in a way i feel like she's never gonna get the point that being a trashy reality tv show character isn't cute or funny to people outside of middle school.

No. 411048

File: 1558028734302.png (397.73 KB, 717x644, kince.png)

Since I was 14 I've had debilitating period pains to the point I've had to miss school days because I was feeling so fucking bad, almost blacked out from the pain multiple times, was on birth control at age 14 to try to regulate it and had to stop because they were messing with my antidepressants.
I've seen many doctors who didn't find anything of note until earlier this year, when my new doctor told me she was pretty sure it was endometriosis. I wasn't fucking surprised because I had read a lot on it and checked too much of the symptoms for it to not be that and more time passed more I thought to myself "oh fuck yeah this is it". My mother was thinking it was it to and multiple of my friends who either have endometriosis themselves or were close to someone who did mentioned it to me too.
I had made peace in my mind that this is what that was and was ready to accept it, because that meant being able to find treatment, until earlier today where I had an MRI scan (recommended by my doctor just to be sure) and they didn't find any fucking thing. The doctor approached my shook his hand and whatever and he told me nothing was out of the ordinary.
I'm both quite relieved because that's one explanation pushed aside and absolutely fucking enraged because I'm back in the same fucking shit I was at 14yo, not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me and in fear of the next time I get my period. At this point I just want to pry my own abdomen open and remove my shit uterus and throw it in a jar until it learns to behave.

No. 411052

most signs of endo are only visible via a laparoscopy though. mri or ultrasound is only for cysts. opt for a laparoscopy rather than just the easy imaging tests.

No. 411076

Just started working as a receptionist for a company in a building where there's a security guard downstairs. It's easy, slow work, but it's so fucking frustrating dealing with security downstairs. Our company spans 2 floors, and the people downstairs never tell me when they have guests coming so I can't register that that people will be coming, and then have to deal with security calling me and fucking BUTCHERING these people's names. I work for a foreign company, so obviously there's a lot of foreign names being thrown about so I get that pronouncing them might be hard, but this one security guard basically gives me a completely different name. It's completely undecipherable. I constantly have to ask to speak to the visitor to get the name of who they're looking for. One of the girls at work sometimes gets stalkers so obviously I'm hesitant to give the okay to letting people up unless I 100% know who they're looking for.

No. 411080

What's ironic is most…well, all…of my friends are male. Some are grubby but others are decent, just like any average group of people.

And like I said I even see balance on fucking 4chan. I dropped into a thread on /adv/ the other day expecting to be angered, but most of the anons were saying that they feel genuinely emotionally bonded to their partners and find them most attractive because of this. On 4chan.

So I know this yet if I hear or read even one bad story of cheating or a boyfriend turning out degenerate it fucking ruins me. It's like everything flips and I can't think in a balanced way about them anymore.

I'm pretty sure I know where it stems from, my first experience with any man was that they can't be trusted and are fucking terrifying (it was my father) so that set the precedent for how my automatic feelings towards them will be. This is just how I feel about men now on a base level. I hope that speaking to a therapist will help me fix this bullshit or at least control my mind because it's not fun. I've wasted hours and days of my time being upset about men and I've never even dated before lmao.

No. 411086

possible arthritis anon here. So my hands were locked in a fist for a week, so I decided to go into a walk in centre bc couldn't get a GP appointment. They couldn't do anything for me bc not an injury?? But they managed to get me a same day GP appointment. The GP agreed to let me have a blood test, which can confirm arthritis or not. Which is great, but I am so scared?? I'm scared it is arthritis, I'm scared that it isn't?? Like i'm 23, I shouldn't be this crippled????? I'm going to have to get a scribe for my finals, which I DONT want. I don't want to have to make a scene????

No. 411093

This is exactly how I feel about my bestfriend right now but I don't feel ready to call her out because I'm afraid I'll end up alone (I know it's nonsense).

No. 411096


that is shitty timing anon, i'm sorry

but scribes will help and i'm glad your uni can be accommodating

No. 411104

>>411096 i actually haven't asked them yet ahaha i'm just assuming? I can't even type for 4 hours so that's out. I know I need to ask, but I feel so awkward? I don't even have a doctors note yet.

No. 411120

I'm trying to take it easy with my weight loss this time. I feel the urge to eat very little calories whenever I can, but I'm forcing myself to balance those days. I had a restrictive ED consuming years of my teenagehood. But the worst part isn't even the ED itself, it's the fact that I can perfectly maintain an extreme deficit for months and months, until one day I have a reactive bingeing episode and it throws me into a binge-restrict cycle. I got out of those a few times after so much torment. I never regain all the weight back but it's absolutely terrible to my mental state.

No. 411125

Had to buy a scarf to hide all the petechias on my neck from failing to suffocate myself. I guess I'll pretend it's some allergic reaction of someone notices. It's already hot, it's going to look ridiculous.
God, I wish I'd be just dead.

No. 411133

Be careful anon, sometimes that blood test can come back negative even if you do have arthritis. X-rays assess damage if you can afford that.
t. mom had undiagnosed arthritis since she was very young because of this

No. 411135

Years ago I was with a man who constantly shit on my appearance because I didn't look like his waifus no matter how hard I tried which led to me developing an ED. It was my first relationship and lasted for a good 4 or so years before he broke up with me over text message then ghosted me afterward, giving me no closure. I know it was silly of me to stay in such an emotionally abusive situation for that long but i was young and stupid.

Anyway after talking to my therapist I realized that over the years i never really got over the emotional trauma, just started dealing with it increasingly unhealthy ways. After things ended with him I had maybe a year of trying to heal, yet my ED persisted because I thought I was never good enough for anyone. After that I got with an actual good man who really didn't have a problem with what I looked like. A couple years into that relationship i was comfortable enough to trust that he wasn't disgusted at me no matter how my weight fluctuated. Over time I think my brain realized that I didn't need to try to look perfect and it spun my ED situation right around. Developed BED because (and this is how my therapist put it) subconsciously I was trying to make up for the lost time and self confidence in the years I was with my ex. I gained nearly 100pounds over the course of a year because I turned to the stuff I forced myself away from before like fast food and alcohol. Comfort and boredom eating became my life. Now here I am, about 7 years later still struggling with emotional eating and drinking and being generally unmotivated with literally everything because my thought process is like "why take care of my body and mind when i hate myself anyway?".

My therapist is on vacation so i want to ask anons opinions: how can I learn to properly love myself again?
I have so many passions that i want to pursue but i can never stay motivated because the depression always takes me down a peg, reminding me just how worthless I really am at this point.
I went from hating myself because I was "fat and ugly" in an assholes eyes, to becoming just that. honestly I'm so disgusted with myself, it's hard to think of redeeming myself at this point.

No. 411136

i wrote a test today, and if i fail this (which is very likely) then ill have to resit the entire fucking year, its so annoying because this subject the exam is in is basically useless for my final degree, if i fail this i might as well just throw myself off a bridge.

No. 411138

>>411133 thanks! that's why i went into the walk in centre actually, because they do xrays there. But again, they said they couldn't do it because not an injury. The GP hasn't ordered an xray yet, but i'll ask for one if the blood tests don't come back showing anything. luckily i'm a uk fag so money isn't an ussue.

No. 411139

>>411136 you never know, anon. You might feel like you've done bad, but that doesn't mean you've done bad. Is it a fail or pass situation, or a graded situation? Are grade boundaries a thing for you?

No. 411141

there are grade boundaries, its 50%, only this is practically impossible to reach, ive already failed 3 times and this was the last chance. im not alone though, about 1/3 of everyone else on my course also routinely fails these exams, on the last retake only 4 people passed out of the 100+ people taking the test and they got the lowest passing grade available too.

No. 411195

That makes me feel better they caught him anon. Thankyou.

No. 411197

How do you even get over food addiction?? It feels impossible to stop myself in the moment, but after I've eaten whatever it is, I always know/feel it wasn't worth it and disappointed in myself. (I'm not ana/obese, but feel unhappy in the way I look rn cause of continuous bad eating habits)

I live with my 5 family members, and I think I've always grown up with the mentality 'if you don't eat fast, you dont eat' lmao - not that I was starving or anything, but if you left any food for later, it wasn't going to be there later if you know what I mean. I know it's not an excuse for overeating, but I feel that my willpower is practically nonexistent when it comes to food.

Something that occasionally works when I go to eat something is tell myself that it's literally just a taste and the pleasure of eating it lasts like 10 seconds. Its not worth it! But I don't want to completely go down the route of hating food cause of obvious reasons. I just wish that I could feel satisfied with a nice balanced diet, and not have such a bad urge to overeat!

No. 411205

File: 1558054073868.jpg (50.83 KB, 540x405, p3zv6ojILE1t26l2eo1_540.jpg)

>been cyber stalking a man in my local nerd scene for the past year and a half
>he made eye contact with me at the last convention but we have no connection to each other
>seems sweet enough and is very much my type
>also a pothead and a STEMfag
>even wants to make his career based around manufacturing/cultivating/etc. weed (it's legal here) according to his plebbit
>I'm """straight edge""" by definition I guess and want to date someone with similar values (he's also into alcohol of course)
>he'd most likely prefer someone who is also into STEM and I'm not, just a poorfag artist who is now trudging through a business degree
>overall seems way too good for me in all aspects

I could probably make a move on him if I wanted to, but I'm sure he'd either reject me or it would go badly. He's also recently left a relationship and most likely isn't in the mood for this. I'd also feel bad all the time even if it worked since his past gfs were shorter than him (he's quite little) and I'm taller.

Overall I feel pathetic but also upset. I wish my taste in men wasn't so stupidly specific or that I lived in a place that had more men like that.

No. 411207

My boyfriend snores a lot and stinks up the whole bedroom with his terrible breath when he's sleeping. I love him a lot and it's not like he does it on purpose but fuck me it reeks.

No. 411208

I have kind of the same problem. My mom was ana when I was a kid and restricted my food a LOT. She would hide food, like, not just snack food but like anything that could be eaten, she would hide from me and my siblings. As a result we were always hungry, since we never were allowed to snack but were never given enough food to eat at meal times because we all had to eat the handful of lettuce and cubes of meat that she did, or a few tablespoons of bland oatmeal. We were never allowed junk food or kid food. So when I got older and got a car and a job, I would use my money to buy copious amounts of junk food and binge in my car before I went home, which only got worse as I moved out.

Still trying to get over my food issues and realize that I don't have to consume 1000+ calories in 5 minutes because no one is going to take my food away. I'm not enormously obese or anything luckily despite my habits but I'm still heavier than I want to be. It sucks, man.

No. 411212

Wish I knew, I can't even blame my family/upbringing because they're all really athletic and eat well kek.

I'm (somehow, miraculously) not overweight and at this point I don't even care about being super skinny, I just want to not constantly think about my next meal/snack and eat intuitively when I'm actually hungry. I feel like I just need ways to entertain and reward myself other than food, but it's just so damn entertaining and rewarding and I'm not so focused I can ignore hunger when I'm doing other stuff. I cannot fathom how people forget to eat, or skip meals because they're busy or whatever, but I'm jealous that their lives don't revolve around food.

No. 411216

The best trick is to just not have much food in the house at any given time.
It's hard when you live with someone/family though. I could be doing well but if my parents bring home an easy snacl I've lost.

Alternatively, identify your biggest weaknesses and ask the fam to either stop buying those specifically or just put all of your focus on avoiding them. For me it's granola and goldfish crackers lol, I could binge them forever.

No. 411218

Yeah he for sure wouldn't want you. Straight-edge people are absolutely obnoxious and your degree choice is terrible.

No. 411222

NTA, but there's nothing wrong with a business degree, lmao.

No. 411225

File: 1558056995827.jpg (51.58 KB, 614x364, tumblr_prjthyKm141qi8jwi_640.j…)

parts of my face are doing this thing where my skin gets scaly, and then flakes off. this is the first time anything like this has happened. i wash my face with the same products i've used for years, use the same damn brand of moisturizer, nothing in my regimen has changed. is it an allergic reaction? something i ate? it started at the same time as my chest cold, so it could be that, but what the fuck.

No. 411229

I mean…I know.
How does not drinking or anything make me obnoxious though? I'm fine with other people that I'm not dating doing that. Or is it just a "you're boring" thing? I don't demean anyone for doing it, it's just not for me and I'd prefer not to live with someone who is often high or drunk. That was what I meant by "similar values," sorry I realize now that phrase was misleading. My family has also always been teetotal so I'm not used to it.

Image was sort of goofy and I thought went along with the post. If it's fun for someone then I'm fine with that. Sorry again that I came off as abrasive to people who partake and didn't get my point across well. I probably could have narrowed the post more down to "sad this boy is perfect but we have clashing lifestyles and I'm not becoming an engineer" which is what I wanted to say.

Job openings are pretty good in my city/country actually, I'm going for CPA and there are even ads out asking for people to join that career haha. It's not as important and brag worthy as STEM though which is what I assume anon meant.

No. 411248

The only reason people have even heard of Straight Edge is because of CM Punk

No. 411254

idk anything about that (although he seems like a cool guy and I don't doubt him popularizing it), just used the term because it fit the situation. I would have used teetotal but that seems more alcohol oriented. Not sure where I first heard it.

No. 411271

Business degrees are generally a good choice and can lead to pretty lucrative careers. But I forgot STEMfags think they're God's gift to humanity and everyone else is a dumb loser, go see what that attitude will get you later in life I guess.

No. 411272

nta but straight edge has a really specific meaning. it doesn't just mean that you don't into alcohol and drugs.

straight edge people don't do drugs (including cigarettes and sometimes caffeine) or drink, and generally avoid hanging out with people who do, even going as far as to speak against the acts. many also don't believe in casual sex or sex outside of a monogamous relationship usually either.

No. 411274

>go see what that attitude will get you later in life I guess
joking, i'm just a STEM major and didn't realize people perceived an entire field like that

No. 411276

File: 1558067304280.png (884.25 KB, 2048x2048, ECCE676D-AA7F-4541-80AD-C7DE54…)

I’m 22 this year and still have absolutely no idea what I want to study or do. Feels bad.

No. 411277

Oh I see, that's probably why anon thought I just dislike people who use substances.
Sorry about that, I knew it was connected to punk subculture but thought it could be used more generally as well. I'm not into any of those things mentioned (including casual sex) but have nothing against others doing them safely. I'll stick more to using teetotal in future.

No. 411282

i'm legitimately going crazy because my apartment complex is awful

I live in what's classified as a "luxury" apartment complex, it's supposed to be very high end and I pay like $500 more on rent a month than I would be if I lived at a typical apartment complex in my area.

but the people that live here are so fucking loud and disrespectful it's driving me insane! it's 12:30 AM on a thursday and people are legitimately screaming out in the courtyard. I would understand if it was the weekend but it's a thursday night and I have to get up at 6 am for my fucking job. quiet hours are after 9pm on weekdays but, obviously they are not enforced bc management doesn't give a fuck and isn't even here after 9

the people that live here are fucking horrible. last weekend someone peed in the elevator and puked outside of it, and maintenance said they wouldn't come clean it up so I called a maid service and made the building reimburse me. at least once a week there is some sort of bodily fluid in the elevator or stairwell. I don't pay as much as I do to live in a fucking frat house

they have "lost" several of my packages, and i'm assuming the employees or other residents are stealing them. I can't verify this because there are NO SECURITY CAMERAS ANYWHERE.

we have a key access only garage but people just scan their friends in, despite there being on street parking, so there's no spaces for residents. I complained to management about this and they said they can only tow cars if they've been there for 72 hours

the entrances to the apartment building are supposed to be e-key accessible only but the batteries are out half the time so people just leave the doors propped open. super safe /s

we have a dog park here and people don't pick up after their dogs, and there are multiple aggressive dogs here. my dog has been attacked 3x by the same dog and they are still letting it live here, despite the fact that it is a restricted breed which shouldn't have been allowed here in the first place. there are also people who do not live here that bring their dogs to the park, despite the fact that there are a ton of public dog parks in the city they could go to - who knows if the dogs are vaccinated or healthy. the management also does not keep up with the park and it's always dirty and smells awful

to top it all off a new person moved in above me and i'm assuming they're morbidly obese because they walk around so loudly (at literally all times of the day - until 3/4 AM) that it shakes my apartment. management told me they can't do anything and i'm afraid that if I confront the person directly they'll be even louder on purpose.

my maintenance requests have been ignored, like I have requested a faulty light fixture in the bathroom be fixed 5x and they refuse to fix it and just replace the bulb (which burns out in 10 minutes because the fixture is faulty)

I have brought up these issues with management and they won't anything about them, especially now bc I didn't renew my lease and will be moving in july. getting through the next month is going to be hellish. it's honestly worse than when I was living in a dorm in college.

No. 411286

do we live in the same apartment??

No. 411290

File: 1558071075038.jpg (43.86 KB, 604x340, cdc.jpg)

I work with many people who did STEM in uni and have a really high opinion of themselves and their abilities, we're a startup based on a startup "campus" so I also interact with people from other companies, many of which are in the tech industry. Many STEM people get cocky to a point of mocking literally everyone else. Mostly neckbeards who studied CS, but still.

For the most part I don't give a fuck because the money is good and my job isn't my whole personality, plus they know I manage their paychecks amongst other things so they don't go after me. But these people don't realise they can't function by themselves and that most of these jobs exist because they're needed.

No. 411295

Isn't that field literally oversaturated by now? What do they even have to brag about at this point?

No. 411298

Not really, at least where I live HR treat them like royalty and they can get any job they want due to a shortage of devs, and the IT industry in my country is quite strong. But it's a meme that they get paid a gorillion euro starting out, my bf is a backend developer for an SME and he gets paid less than me with my business degree. The big bucks start rolling in only when you've had 5+ years of experience (which none of these guys do), or are well versed in a niche, outdated language like COBOL that nobody cares enough to learn. They're basically the nurses of tech at this point.

But it's only a matter of time before the hype dies down and people start hopping on another bandwagon. Finance monkeys like me were what developers are now until the financial crisis in 2008, doesn't mean we're suddenly worthless. Hopefully they start pushing more people to get into trades, where I live being a plumber, welder or bricklayer is considered a low-class job.

No. 411305

i'm having tremors and freaking out
many too many antihistamines but idk if it's related basically i can't sleep and i'm just freaking out and i wanna hurt someone hi im sorry

No. 411307

I hate being half asian. I have always hated it, I wish so badly I was white.

No. 411318

i have been missing my ex like crazy, so I just stalked his facebook in depth and realized he's had a new girlfriend for months now. she's barely out of high school and he's in his early 30's. i really didn't think he was the type to date someone so much younger, it's kinda making me question if i actually want him back in my life at all. like I've just been daydreaming about him for weeks now and romanticizing him in my head, but in reality he's just another gross guy. plus, y'know, he has a girlfriend. ugh. I'm lonely.

No. 411327

I regret calling the ambulance when I tried to kill myself

No. 411332

I am so fucking sick of all the men complaining about the sex strike because ‘why am I being punished!!! This is anti feminist, women like sex too!!! I’m not even political!!!!’ and just blissfully cover their ears while screaming about how unfair it all is. The whole point is to bring your attention to what’s happening to the women of your country and how men aren’t entitled to women’s bodies and should have no say in our reproductive rights, you’re not being ‘punished’ because you’re not entitled to sex in the first place. We’re not a resource. The fucking ignorance.

No. 411350

I am not Jewish but have lived in orthodox Jewish neighborhoods and am I wrong in believing/thinking orthodox Judaism is a cult and is absolutely insane? It is, right?

No. 411352

oh Anon (insert dozens of illegal heart emojis we are not allowed to post here). Sending you my support over the lolcow-webs

He a disgusting MAP and is gonna be a "I was taken advantage of by my older boyfriend" story for that girl in a few years. Just a prediction based on the common trend of that happening. Men go for younger women specifically because they are wide-eyed and gullible. It's a bad look for him.

No. 411355

Religions are insane cults in general.

No. 411359

I regularly post about this over here. My life is a trainwreck but I know it will end very soon. I'm mentally ill, I've been since I was a child and I know I wasn't born like this and I know it was caused by my abusive environment. I have to sustain myself and I work as a camgirl I had a couple of jobs before but the pay was so bad since I'm in eastern Europe, I couldn't even afford to eat and pay rent for a month working a hellish retail job 40 hours per week for 3 euros an hour. I also can't keep a normal schedule and I ended up getting fired because I would be late all the time. Now I work as a camgirl and I make around 700 euros per month which allows me to afford rent and eat well for a month and also buy stuff like weed or alcohol and my prescription medication. I would also say I work around 80 hours per month for this money so I don't work that much but it takes a tool on me, I don't even really get naked but the fact that I know I'm being watched by some mouth breathers that are thirsting over me and they throw me scraps from their entitled white male wages makes my skin crawl.

I'm so tired and I hate myself so much and it's all because of money. I hate this society and I hate this world and I honestly hate myself the most. I think there's good things about me too, I like art and I like writing and I also like reading and I have a thirst for knowledge but it's hard to remember what's good about me and why I should stay alive. I don't have anything, I don't have money, I don't have a loved one, I don't have friends, I don't have education, I don't have future prospects, I don't have integrity, I don't have love for myself.

And I keep looking at the people around me and even the people that are considered horrible by the society have more than I do. Even the cows on here have more than I do and I will probably ever have. I'm also addicted to benzos and I have been since my grandmother died and it's been a year already, I just realized it. I go to the mental hospital to see a psychiatrist that took care of me while I was admitted there for a suicide attempt one year ago and I just saw her today again for my prescription but this time she didn't give me benzos anymore because I told her I'm addicted but I tried to explain that my addiction is so bad I might end up dead if I just go cold turkey but she refused and told me to come and stay in the mental hospital for a month. I don't want to go because the public medical system is hellish over here, the mental hospital it's literally like a prison, there's no therapy, it's very dirty and the staff treats you like you are subhuman. The last time I went I contacted a staph infection that I still have and I was given an injection that almost put me in a coma. And also I can't go because that means I won't be able to make money anymore and when I will get out I will be homeless.

In 2 days my supply of benzos will run out but I'm trying to make enough money to go to a private health facility and afford a psychiatrist so I will make a plan with him to reduce benzos until I'm finally free. If I don't make enough by then I will go through the comedown and I might die.

No. 411361

Really sorry I'm responding to these so late but I totally forgot about it because I'm not really active in this thread. Hope you ladies are still watchin

I've been going to therapy since I was 11 and nobody seems to care or can help with DP/DR. I always bring it up but it has always been pushed to the backburner because of my other issues? Or maybe because they think it's not important? But for me it is easy to deal with. I have had this for so long that it is normal for me. When I don't feel unreal, that's what feels weird lol. It really has nothing to do with anxiety for me. When I get anxious it may be worse but I literally feel dissociated almost 24/7 regardless of other circumstances. Sometimes it's worse, other times better, and it's always there even if I'm extremely happy and doing tons of physical activity. I have honestly given up on trying to "fix" it because I think this is just how I am. I have done many different types of therapy, tried tons of different drugs…nothin

Lamotrigine definitely helped me with my emotional reactivity and helped me feel more leveled out but it didn't help the DP/DR. I just try to focus on my other issues, which I have. I just went through so much shit the past 3 years…I was on welfare while in a group home, then in a supportive apartment. I finally got my own place and I don't think about killing myself everyday anymore. I know this might sound discouraging but to me, it's been better to accept it than try and fight the DP/DR. The more I sit there and feel angry/upset about it, the more I suffer. I was misdiagnosed over and over for 10 years and finally I found out I have ADHD (been diagnosed with PTSD forever and misdiagnosed as a billion other things including bipolar and BPD). I've been taking generic adderall and it has helped me improve my quality of life so much. I even got a real job after years of not having one. But even with adderall I still am dissociated almost all the time.

No. 411371

Where do you live

No. 411376

File: 1558103665248.png (245.28 KB, 640x352, kamikazegirls.png)

Good news: I made the appointments
Bad news: Said appointments are now tangible future events that I can fREAK THE FUCK OUT ABOUT

I hope the doctor doesn't make me have a blood test since I had one when I was like 8 done by a real mean nurse and it was horrible and they've freaked me out ever since.

If the student wellbeing therapist or the GP says nothing is wrong with me and/or I somehow don't manage to salvage this mess and flunk out of college I'm gonna go full 2007 Britney Spears.

I really really don't like the idea of potentially being prescribed antidepressants because I already have wacky sexual dysfunction issues so going on a medication that nukes my ability to orgasm is not really gonna help anything at all. They can literally prescribe me anything else under the sun though, so long as I can still fap it's all good.

I mean I have lots of studying next week to keep me busy but still…I don't even know if I should continue working on my botched abortion of a dissertation, the thought of looking at it makes me wanna yeet myself out a window. I have emails from the department I can't muster up the courage to read.

No. 411379

File: 1558104411702.png (26.55 KB, 342x245, 1543786870452.png)

Anyone there also struggle with the constant feeling of shame? And it's related to so many aspects of my life.
I come from a dysfunctional family where my dad was an alcoholic and my mom is manipulative and lacks empathy.
During 3 years both of my college my flatmates were visited by their family plenty of times, and I always stood out with being a loner in a way. I also don't have any closer friends in there, so I feel inferior to other people when it comes to social hierarchy.
I am so anxious in public places and when I talk to strangers. Like I want to talk with them, but feel like I shouldn't right after, like people see how nervous I am and pity me for some reason.

No. 411384

Sounds like social anxiety. My Dad left when I was young and my Ma was a mentally and physically abusive narc. I struggle with maintaining friendships not because I'm fighting with everyone but I feel down a lot or not good enough and withdraw and then get embarrassed to explain why I was absent and just ghost lol. I'm lucky in a sense I've had two long term partners so I'm not a complete shut in. I'm able to be ok with coworkers but I don't like to talk about myself. I think being nervous in public and feeling shame for your upbringing makes you anxious. I went to therapy to deal with it I didn't know if I was depressed or what but I had symptoms of anxiety. Honestly exercise and keeping myself put together helps me better cope in public still working on how to get over my perpetual shyness lol

No. 411386

I'm like this too, I've been making a lot of efforts recently though.
I'd advise you to find a class, club or any other weekly thing centered around learning something or practicing a skill. Since it'd be focused around learning/doing something, the social interaction part isn't as involved and intense as just hanging out with people for the sake of it.
I'm using the language class I take once a week to force myself to interact with people and take risks ; it's small-ish and I'll never see these people again after this term is over, which is all really great for this. So I go out of my comfort zone and make jokes, join conversations I'd normally stay out of, and even though I still cringe at myself, I can tell the people in my class don't seem to remember things I did or said that I thought were retarded and shameful. It's making me realise that people don't care about my social slip-ups nearly as much as I thought they did.

Also obviously you might want to seek diagnosis for social anxiety, if you have the means to do so. But overcoming anxiety is all about changing your negative mindset, and that's something you can do by yourself if you want to.

No. 411387

European who has dealt with this kind of shit before.
First, you need to assess your use. What are you taking, how much. If your meds are prescribed by a doctor and you're not getting them off the streets, chances are you're not on a crazy high dosage.

Now, adressing some things : you're not going to die cold tukeying on your own. It's shitty to do it and it can be dangerous (you risk seizures but it doesn't happen that often). You're also not going to die from tour benzo addiction if you're not mixing it up with A LOT of alcohol (and then it's more the alcohol than the benzos that are going to do it).

Now, how to detox yourself.
It's best to make sure to get at least a 2-4 days off from work to deal with the worst if you're cold turkeying.

If you can go see a GP and lie about not sleeping and feeling a bit anxious. Say you have tried over the counter stuff. Don't detail history except to tell you were given a long life benzo (prazepam) for example in the past and it has worked. Don't look over eager, don't look like you're knowing a lot about benzos. Do look tired and say that's it affecting your work (but just a little! you have to be functionning enough for it not being worth it to send you off to the hospital/a psychiatrist).
Detoxing using Prazepam is easier since the withdrawals take longer to set in. You'll go through a hellish week detoxing yourself but it's relatively easily done if you want it and you won't risk ending up in the hospital.
Be sure to look up the withdrawals symptoms and to keep in mind that you will feel like shit. It's normal. It's going to pass. Find yourself things to listen and watch. Make sure you have stuff to eat and to stay in while you get the worst of it.

I have cold turkeyed and tapered out several time. The worst one was the first because I didn't know what to expect. You can do it.

No. 411400


Specifically which medication and dosage? Not all benzos have potentially deadly withdrawal. For example clonazepam, yes. Lorazepam, no.

And it's physical dependency, not addiction, that creates the risk.

No. 411402

Thank you. I was thinking about getting into some sort of active thing like dance classes (?) I am currently very busy because of my diploma, but it should get lighter next month and I will move to another city, where my best friend and others from our group live. He knows about my worries and helps me in social situations + I worry much less around my friends. It used to be much worse I believe, so I am optimistic that I will overcome it with time.

No. 411415

In Romania.

I take 25-30 mg of lorazepam daily which is a huge amount. I would do stuff with the prescription even if it is a controlled substance but some pharmacies don't give a fuck and they would give back my prescription because I wouldn't buy all the meds that were listed on it even if they were supposed to keep it. I would go around the city and I knew exactly which pharmacies were not that strict so I would use the same prescription multiple times to load on benzos but I needed a new prescription monthly because they usually do care about the date that is listed on it. I cannot see my GP because they know my medical history and they would send me to the same psychiatrist at the hospital. I'm trying to make enough money to see a psychiatrist at a private clinic and address this issue and I hope I will have enough money before I run out of benzos. Thank you anons, this made me a bit less scared.

And I also consume alcohol, I probably drink around 1-2L of beer daily and my overall physical health is not great either and I've had issues with seizures in the past.

No. 411497

Since there is a lot of posting about meds here, I thought I'd ask in here since there may be knowledgeable anons…I think I posted about this in the sex thread but didn't really go into detail asking about this or many replies.
Has anyone come off of escitalopram or citalopram? I have been on escitalopram 5mg for 3.5 years and don't feel like it's really necessary anymore. I still have some issues but it feels like being on meds during the worst of it and having space to heal and improve has made things a lot better and that I'd be better served taking benzos or something as needed instead. At the beginning of getting medicated I took them a lot.
tl;dr: I had a nervous breakdown and got on meds so I wouldn't kms from anxiety and depression, but haven't had an episode since then and am overall a pretty happy person. Before my breakdown I was an emotionally intense but happy and bubbly person and had attachment issues. Basically being around toxic people, identity issues, and in a difficult life transition fucked me up.
I forgot my meds one night this week and didn't even notice over the almost 48 hours until remembering to take a dose, so I decided to taper off. I'm just scared of the withdrawal and don't know what to expect since I'm coming from a much lower dose than other people, but have been on it for a long time.
I'm also curious if your sex drive shot up after coming off the medication. I think mine went down when I started it but mine was really high so it was ok, what sucked was just that it took longer to orgasm. Not gonna lie, it's been a definite reason I've wanted to come off this.
Kind of a vent too because I don't feel like I can go into this kind of detail with almost anyone. It's too TMI and some people are kind of stuck on being on meds and discourage me, even though my doctor didn't question me wanting to come off them and gave me tapering instructions, and my partner and family support it as well as long as I feel fine without them. Feels like the trendy thing now in woke circles is supporting meds and not questioning their efficacy and assuming someone who wants off them probably needs them to function anyway and is being silly by trying to stop.

No. 411500

Yeaaaah, ok. I take it all back. My advice would get you through a mild to kinda severe addiction to benzos alone.
I never got lorazepam but from a google search, I see that it's more on the heavy side use. How even the fuck can you legally get all of this? Those are what? 2.5mg at most a pill? You're taking them by the truckload? What a shithole.

That plus the alcohol and seizures, cold turkeying sounds like a bad idea. I'd say you'd be better off in a medical setting and I see why your psychiatrist wants you there. It's above anon's paygrade for sure. Don't do this at home.

No. 411507

Withdrawals from antidepressants are a mixed bag. Some people will feel nothing, some people will get suicidal, have insomnia or feel shitty in general for 2 to weeks.
Don't listen to people, there's no reason not to go off them if you feel they are not needed anymore and have the go from the doctor.
My sex drive never recovered after ADs, It was high before that. Now it's mild to none but I'm not honestly sure if it's not just my anxiety, being in a LTR or even just getting older. You won't know without trying.

Coming off citalopram, I had some insomnia and used some zolpidem to get me over it while my brain was adjusting. Benzos are nice but they are highly addictive. If you can don't try your luck and get them only for a very short period of time.

You've been taking your AD for some time but honestly, it looks like 5mg is supposed to be a first week dose. You would be fine even cold turkeying, I wouldn't be worried at all about tapering. You're going to be ok.

No. 411511

IATA and I want to thank you. It's silly but being told it'll be ok is honestly really comforting because no one has really said that to me when I've brought it up.
I have an LTR who supports me doing this too. I stress about being hard on him but it's good to have that. I've just been too scared of fucking up uni or my relationship to take the plunge; have wanted to come off them for a year or two.
RE sex drive, a bit OT but since you mentioned anxiety, I found my sex drive is intertwined with anxiety in a…weird way? Sometimes it completely puts me off sex but others it makes me really horny. It depends on why I'm anxious. I'm hoping it'll go up but also know not to expect it to happen. I'm pretty happy where I am, I just wish I felt things more and had my old higher libido. I'm not "abnormal" for a woman and my bf and I are on about the same page. I've thought about trying maca root to counteract the SSRI but didn't know if it would interfere with my BC or just do fuckall.
I just don't want to be chemically dependent on something I don't need anymore and want to see if I can have some of what I did before. I was a teen when I started so maybe I can't, but it's worth a try.

No. 411551

the field being oversaturated is kind of a meme. everyone and their mom wants to get a compsci degree but a lot of people don't cut it and ended up going the IT route, which is totally respectable but not the same thing.

then those who do get the degree aren't guaranteed to actually be proficient, and on top of that if they're a guy they might be screwed if there's an equally qualified female candidate. tl;dr being a female with a CS degree who actually knows her shit is great

No. 411563

My cat slipped out past one of my housemates last night, and nearly 24 hours has passed since. It was a freezing night, and rained heavily at some point. We moved recently and kitty has never gone outside in this town.

It's SO hard trying not to hate my housemate. This was an accident, it could have happened to anyone, but if he wasn't such a careless fuck this wouldn't be an issue. His own dog was nearly killed (broken ribs and stitches) by a large, known to be aggressive dog… it happened a SECOND time because the dumbass thought they would be okay together?! Thankfully she survived round two as well.

I hope my kitty finds his way back. He's pretty street smart (as far as cats go lol) and at one point did go outdoors regularly, but the amount of time passing is unnerving.

Miss you so much, lil buddy.

No. 411593

I'm watching Inuyasha for the first time and it's so cute, but god is it making me crave a relationship. I'm 20 and have never dated anyone, it's hard not to feel pretty pathetic about it..

No. 411598

one time when I was little my family's cat ran away for 80 days. we thought he was gone for sure! turns out an old lady had been feeding him - she didn't leave her house so she didn't see the signs we had put out or seen the posts online. cats are really good at finding their way home though so i'm sure he'll come back as soon as he wants to lol, try not to worry (although I know it's hard!)

No. 411616

File: 1558140416058.gif (1.01 MB, 540x298, tenor.gif)

I know I shouldn't feel like this, but whenever I say no to a a kid I feel really bad. Sometimes I play ball with my neighbors kid and when I have to go the kid starts begging for me to stay. I feel so guilty

No. 411625

lately i have horrible, violent dreams every time i go to sleep and it's messing with my waking hours. i fall asleep fine, but if i wake up from a nightmare i'm usually too shaken up to go back to sleep.

i just got up from a nap where i dreamt that i stabbed out both of my eyes and cut strips of skin from every limb. what the fuck? they're always grotesque in strange ways. sometimes i relive being raped and beaten as well. it must sound so stupid but it's fucking with me. i've already been through a bout of therapy recently. i read that having anxiety/depression and taking antidepressants can cause nightmares. am i just fucked

No. 411626

A top tier life hack is to learn how to lucid dream so you never have a bad dream again.

No. 411634

File: 1558144041519.jpg (11.45 KB, 270x267, fake_smile.jpg)

I'm convinced everyone I meet gets the impression I'm fake. I can't blame them, I smile endlessly, talk in a high voice, etc, but all genuinely
>Tfw not fake, just autistic.

No. 411637

I feel like shit and I hate myself
If I could do some shopping it would make me feel better but it's a shitty way to deal with problems and I'm broke anyways
I had a dream that I had tons of free days instead of working 5 days a week and it was so good and now I don't want to leave my bed
My boyfriend is trying to be supportive but even I don't know what to do to feel better

No. 411640

I'm having the greatest pleasure ever watching the guy who said he's not into commitment constantly trying to talk to me while I deleted his number a few days ago and moved on. I guess he realized he won't find somebody as rotten as me to bond over. Too bad my unstable mind has acted again and now I fucking hate him and can't go back even if I wanted to. It's a disgrace when I want to keep my attraction going but it's so cathartic when I need to move on.

No. 411641

i'm newly uncomfortable w/ the idea of surrogacy. like kim k no longer wants to carry her own children or medically cannot carry her own children and now she's paying for some less known, poorer woman to bear the children (and the associated health risks of pregnancy)? that you can buy access to a woman's uterus seems fucked up and weird.

No. 411644

File: 1558147517386.png (605.83 KB, 733x639, 1548824394026.png)

The update that nobody asked for: he killed himself and attached a plastic bag with his birth certificate to his body so that he could be identified. It's strange to think that someone's intense pain concluded with their body floating under the boardwalk while EMTs fish him out and cube monkeys on lunch break gawk and gossip

No. 411645

So sad.

No. 411650


They really are smart… He has returned! Thank you for the response anon. What a relief.

No. 411657

My dog, who had terminal cancer for about 7 months, just died and I feel so sad yet so numb at the same time. It fucking sucks. Also I have a weird sense of relief almost because originally he was given a month to live and I was constantly awaiting this inevitable day. But I still hate it.

No. 411659

>moderate acne on back and chest, more mild on face
>faded a lot last summer but then came back horribly after two rounds of antibiotics for a UTI
>fungal routine is taking so long to work and even then I'll be left with bad scars
>can't wear anything summery now unless it covers my entire collarbone area and back
>often tempted to pretend it's not fungal and to go on accutane but am terrified of it making me eternally dry or giving me psychosis or IBD
>birth control as a quick fix also gives me a fright because of being breast cancer susceptible and I don't want to lose my libido

At least the routine is working, I'm just sad. I did this to myself by dancing with the devil and wearing polyester undies though. Hubris in action.

No. 411675

It makes me truly angry that anyone would marry Jared Knabenbauer, and that fucking UGLY, nasty, embarrassing loser men land themselves decent people who are loyal and faithful that love them but the bar is so fucking low for men. Literally no point in dating or marrying.

No. 411679

I’ve had to stop smoking weed for about a month and a half to find a job and it fucking sucks. I don’t even miss the weed but now I can’t hang out with any of my friends cause in groups they all just sit around and smoke, my boyfriend doesn’t bring me around his friends, and when I leave his house he’ll tell me he’s about to go back inside and smoke a bowl. I’ve got a promising interview on Monday but we ran into one of my boyfriends friends today who told me I probably won’t get hired at the place I’m interviewing at, which really fucking hurt considering he literally just lost his job this week so i don’t think he has room to talk.
>inb4 it’s pathetic everyone I know does nothing but smoke, we’re all just college aged stoners so we’ve got time to grow out of this.

No. 411685

I don't understand how smoking weed is a social activity. Smoking with other people is fucking terrible.

No. 411695

I’m the anon you’re replying to and yeah I agree in some cases, I hate smoking with some of my oldest closest friends just cause they get annoying or paranoid, but i did have a group of friends I clicked with and I’m generally just an extrovert so I like talking and joking around with people while high, to each their own.

No. 411698

Isn't it? His life was crumbling apart for whatever reason, and he was in enough pain and feeling desperate enough that he decided to end it in a manner that would guarantee suffering (i.e. jumping into and drowning in the Hudson). He took extra care to ensure that authorities would be able to identify him in order to minimize any chance of a spectacle around his death, but he received neither a grand spectacle nor a dignified death; his suffering resulted in nothing more than knock-off wall street water-cooler gossip and a couple paragraphs in a New Jersey publication that nobody reads. He neither received enough attention for people to care about the person behind the body floating in the river nor receive enough privacy for his family to obscure how he died.

No. 411713

Why are so many guys so fucking pushy after you tell them no? If I went to grab some guy's dick and he told me no I would stop. It's very simple. Have some god damn respect.

No. 411741

File: 1558181792080.gif (2.74 MB, 498x372, 1552088635843.gif)

My disgusting roommate got me sick because she literally just stands around open mouth coughing.
Of course, she's a lazy student so she can work from home but told me ~how hard it is to do work because of her brain fog~, but I'm a fucking laborer and I had to work two fucking days sick as a dog and today it's even worse, so my long weekend is ruined.

I just fucking hate how disgusting my roommates are. I am constantly cleaning up after them and I just fucking moved in a month ago.
Every single night I've been woken up by her coming out of her shared room and standing in the kitchen to cough so her precious (and also disgusting) bf doesn't get sick.

How the fuck do you even tell someone who is your age to cover their fat fucking mouth when they're sick and to fucking wash their hands after they've used the toilets? Seriously.

No. 411758

I used to like talking to my manager at work about school but it can get irritating because we seem to have completely different social standing, so to speak. Her daughter is graduating and going to grad school and I’m trying on my own to figure out which college I should go to for a bachelor’s. I’ve been going to community college while working two jobs through my twenties while her daughter went to a private four-year college immediately after graduating high school. She’s also very close to her daughter and has me work if she needs to see a doctor or wants something like a tattoo done, and her daughter doesn’t work while in school. I’m definitely envious because my parents never did anything to help with my education and my dad has even insulted me for struggling to go to school full time while working. When my manager brings up school it gets annoying as she tries to encourage me to apply and visit schools yet keeps giving me more hours to work

No. 411760

I am beyond disappointed in this federal election.. four more years of inaction against climate change and cuts to Centrelink/Medicare funding. Yay.

No. 411761

Time for protests and petitions I guess. Sometimes that's all you can do until all the oldies die.

No. 411762

It can’t just be oldies though, they’ve won an insane amount of seats in both QLD and WA, I was hopeful with the surge in younger voters this election and was hoping for more Labour and Greens voters but I have a feeling a lot of them ended up being either donkey votes or just voted for whoever their parents vote for

No. 411765

I called my dad in the morning and talked to him about this for the first time ever (?). Like before I only mentioned to him some stuff that he wouldn't probably get without knowing the full problem. Once I move out I will go look for theraphy. Hope I can get my life together with time.

No. 411768

I have a lot of issues with how honesty, pride and other positive values are perceived in my country.

It is true that a lot of people in charge are corrupt, uneducated and manipulative. However, somehow everyone who has money is put in the same box. I live abroad and earn a lot more than most people from my country, that's why I left, but for the standards here it's minimum wage. I'm not rich, I can't afford a lot, but I manage my money well because I grew up poor and know to save up for emergencies.
However, when I visit my hometown I sometimes encounter people who are seething with envy.
>Oh well it's easy for anon, she earns THOUSANDS of euro abroad!
>Well of course anon's mum looks good, her daughter lives abroad and can buy her spa treatments and expensive skincare! I'd look good then too!
>She earns LOTS OF MONEY abroad and doesn't even want to buy me coffee or bring me chocolate!
>I have to toil here for 150€ a month and she earns THOUSANDS just sitting on her ass!
>Who knows who got her that job! She probably married some doormat for a visa!

I don't buy my mum anything, she insists on sending me money and refuses everything I buy her. She used to turn the postman back until I stopped sending things. She sends me jams, wine, cheese and olive oil, not the other way around.
I also got my job by applying, going to an interview and answering questions like everybody else. My boyfriend isn't from here and can't get me any visas, I asked my boss for one and she said yes. And I'd gladly pay for any drinks if they invited me anywhere, but they don't remember I exist when I'm abroad.

Somehow the only way to be an "honest man" according to them is be poor, bitter and miserable. I hate this crabs in a bucket mentality. Like yeah, I got lucky, what do you want me to do about it, give it up and kill myself? Not accept nice things because they offend you? Give you all the money I earned through hard work just because you personally have it worse? Why should you have it and not I, why do you think you're better than me?

No. 411771

Ya bc she's a prick. If she really gave a shit she wouldn't be loading the hours on or shaming you. It's obvious she's just using these talks as little ways to make her and her family seem superior. Pathetic.

No. 411775

I fucking hate Rupert Murdoch and his weasel fuck son, I hope they burn in Hell for all the evil they’ve caused.

It’s depressing to be shown how genuinely retarded the people in your own country are.

No. 411778

My family is originally from the Balkans and similar attitudes occur in our area. During the war after we fled overseas these people (our supposed family) looted our house and then used it as a sheep pen, caking it in shit. So we only ever visited the area again one time, only to see them smugly keeping my mom's painstakingly knitted art and other keepsakes on their shelves. Then they get mad that we didn't bring them money, talk about how they can't find a job (the 15 year old across the street had one, but waiting tables is too laborious for them) and my peers there refused to talk or hang out with me. Years later they still call us in the middle of the night to ask for money, how baby #5 is on the way and they need money more than we do.

This is all my dad's side and he's incredibly naive so we have to keep the phone from him b/c he will literally wire over half our savings if he can. The same people who destroyed his marital home. Fucking gypsies.

No. 411782

Anon you replied to and yep, Balkans here as well. It's really depressing because even if things were better they'd still be sitting at home, bitching about people who have it better and arguing who fucked whom over from the wars onwards.

No. 411784

Samefagging to add this link. It's a satirical song but describes these people really well.

No. 411786

Stop hanging out with retards.

No. 411787

I'm from a shitty third world country in the middle east and I'm trying to legally move to Canada. I've got a college admission and applied for study permit(student Visa). I sent ALL the documents they wanted. 100s of pages of official legal documents.
They rejected me cause I don't seem to have enough funds and they are not convinced I will return.
I have more than enough money saved to pay for everything (tuition fee/rent/bills etc) but it's literally in cash and gold. Banks are terrible here so we keep everything at home.
The worst part is that Canada is dual intent. As in you can apply for temporary and permanent residency simultaneously. And if you study and work in Canada you have a much higher chance of getting PR.
I don't know how to prove to them that I have sufficient funds and that I'm not going to break the law and stay there illegally.
I mean I DO want to stay after graduation but not without a proper Visa.
I think I'm going crazy. I haven't been sleeping or eating. I have zero control over the whole thing and I'm really really tired. I just want things to work out and move there. How difficult is that?
It's not like I'm a criminal or harbor any ill wills. Sure I'm middle eastern but I'm agnostic and I have zero affiliations when it comes to the government or other groups. I'm just a twenty something year old who wants to legally study and work in Canada and if possible stay. I am not going to rely on them to take care of me. Heck I spent the past 6 month learning French just to better understand them.
I don't know what to do anymore.

No. 411803

Is there a historical or cultural reason for this attitude?

No. 411804

With Canada, it's really easy to get PR once you get a degree there, but immigration is notoriously discriminatory towards people in MENA and India; the burden of proof with respect to funds, assurance that you won't just leave school and disappear, etc. is much higher. I have a lot of friends from that part of the world who had similar issues. Even as an American in Canadian grad school, I was held at the border and grilled on my intentions, whether I was planning to overstay and work illegally(???) etc.

Have you contacted the school you have the acceptance from? They're probably familiar with this sort of situation and might have resources to help you.

No. 411805

Canada's a pretty hard country to get into for people in third world countries. Maybe something in your application tipped them off that you had plans in Canada after the visa runs out. If you can afford it, maybe try to get a good immigration lawyer to look over your application and see if it can be changed or improved. If you have college admission, I'm not sure why they'd reject you for a student visa.

No. 411832

I fucking hate Reddit. I used it for all of a couple weeks for some random interests that I have and I'm done.

No. 411845

I fucking hate my boss' husband. He's such an asshole to her, yesterday we were extremely busy and she was all over the place doing things (we also had a guy come call in sick, so we were one person left) and so after the rush, it cooled down and people were finishing their shifts, going downstairs and stuff (they also brought their maybe like 3 year old daughter to work since he generally works from home), and I was the only one on the floor with another guy (while everyone else was clocking out)

So he starts bitching and swearing at my boss saying "where the fuck is everybody, I don't fucking care" to her IN FRONT of their child. It's so disturbing to witness.

He's actually called her fucking retarded once. I just feel terrible because she's so nice and sweet to work it, everyone loves her and yet she's gotta deal with him as a brat husband.

No. 411846


Thanks anon. I guess that's how they operate. I've contacted the school, but they can't or won't help. That isn't unexpected. I think I should try again and show them proof of funds. I really really don't want to sell the gold?? and put the money in a bank account but I don't seem to have another option.

I need to show them some sort of tie to my country as proof that I won't stay. I'm an only child and I thought it would be enough to show attachment to my family but I guess it wasn't. I think I should ask my current employer for an open ended job offer.

Luckily I can use my letter of acceptance/admission multiple times. Thanks for the responses anons. It was more helpful than anything else I tried these past days.

No. 411877

Yugoslavia was really cushy for a lot of people who got too used to getting free stuff and everything paid for just for existing and working, and after the war our countries started adopting liberal capitalism which means that a lot of people got super rich by doing shady shit and everyone else was poor.

No. 411879

Cant you go to HR ? that sounds like more than abuse. if he's doing that shit in public, he's probably worse at home. this is why married couples are usually not allowed to work together

No. 411891

I just started my new job and the office has a total psycho who screams at the rest of the team or cries to the managers because people are talking (it’s a call centre) and it’s gonna be hilarious.

Gotta make a point to observe and never get into the weird office culture or the cliques.

No. 411894

They OWN the business together from the ground up. It was terrible. He's a man child who thinks he can make it big by being a YouTube family, but barely gets any views.
It sucks, and no one really likes him other than this one guy who licks his boot.

No. 411905

I don't want any tips on making friends, I just need to vent, please…
I'm feeling so lonely tonight I'm listening to a random podcast just to hear people talk. Ever since I was 10 I dreamed of having a group of friends or at least one close friend to hang out with or invite over my house. I'm always alone and it doesn't bother me now, but occasionally this wave of loneliness hits me.

No. 411909

My bf's ex gf keeps trying to contact him and it's starting to piss me off

No. 411917

So fucking tired of my boyfriend being angry over literally everything like being held accountable for things he said he was going to do but never did. I'd dump him if I had anywhere else to go, instead I'm stranded in his country. Oh well.

No. 411924

Same tbh, i always feel lonely too but i dont hate it, having friends or a group of friends has always been a dream of mine since i was young,seeing everyone getting invited to birthday parties but me is quite sad lol…but us lonely people need to take care of each other right? So im here for you, no matter how rough and difficult our life can be <3

No. 411925

Thank you for the kindness, anon, I'm here too. <3

No. 411927

Daft thing to get upset about, but I've been playing this sims legacy on and off for several years now (maybe 4 or 5) and my gen 7 heir has just passed away. I didn't even get an in-game warning to say his time was running out, just a phone-call when his daughter was in the middle of an acting gig to say he'd died. Took me by surprise, and I'm a bit sad and wistful because I was very attached to him. Oh well, RIP.

No. 411936

I'm so lonely. So fucking lonely. I don't know what to do…

No. 411940

It's so petty but I hate seeing teenage girls wearing 90s alternative fashion. I see tons of girls wearing outfits similar to how my friends and I dressed in 1997 and got bullied and mocked for. I don't know why but it's so disconcerting to have that look be cool. I guess I know now how 80s goths felt when they saw us as teens.

No. 411945

I think I'm starting to get a little attached to this guy I talk to online which is pretty rare for me. He's the second person in my life I actually enjoy talking to. I haven't felt suicidal lately like I did everyday for many years before but since it's an online thing, I know this can only end badly and I'm fucking terrified. I'm a strong believer that things don't last forever. I don't want to lose him and be alone again even though I know it will come eventually.

No. 411965

Kids born in 2003 wearing 90s fashion piss me off tbh

No. 411973

Does anyone here work in a lucrative but shallow field? Like, all of my family is in healthcare and I've always wanted to be in healthcare but opted out because of my anxiety issues and fear of fucking up and people being majorly affected by my inability to control my emotions, so I do stupid, shallow shit for work, but I have 0 liability in comparison and make bank considering the no effort I put in. I'm just tired of being made to feel like that even though what I'm doing is lucrative, it's not respectable because I don't choose to take on unnecessary liability and stress.

No. 411981

>make bank considering the no effort I put in.
What, so literally living the dream by most people's standards?

If this isn't a weird humblebrag, maybe you should ask yourself whether you want a job for bragging rights and to impress others, or because it suits your personality and lifestyle. It's not a hard decision unless you care way too much about what others think of you.

No. 411983

>What, so literally living the dream by most people's standards?
I don't know if it is. I'm not rich or anything, I just don't have to stress. The issue is that it's a non essential service so I can understand the potential for my work drying up, but that's why I have my hands in multiple projects (though I don't exactly tell my critics this). It's not a humblebrag. I'm literally constantly shit on because it's a "hustle-y" type thing and not a super respectable straight laced career that "serves the community", etc and I'm not providing an essential service, compared to healthcare. I am very easily beat down and discouraged. I definitely know I'd be suicidal dealing with the fear of fucking up in doing higher stakes work, I just feel like everyone around me, and even you girls on here, have super important jobs that everyone respects and ones you guys don't feel stupid doing. Idk it just makes me feel dumb.

No. 411984

File: 1558245323099.jpg (58.97 KB, 640x480, 1541661752713.jpg)

I'm so fucking tired of waiting on stupid guys. Curse this stupid heart of mine for stringing me along. It's nothing but hurt. I can't expect anyone to change, so what can I do? I wouldn't dare walk away again for a second time, but I can't will myself to find other people who are more worthy of my time.. I feel like throwing away my phone. I'm sick of building my hopes up just to be let down.

For me, I find it comforting to know that at least I have me. Sounds lame, but that's really all we have at the end of the day. Try treating yourself a little, anon. Even if you feel like you don't deserve it, because you do. We need to care and love ourselves first, because if we don't then who will?

No. 411999

So I think I went overboard at a party earlier tonight. I was really cross-faded and decided that I needed to take a nap to sober up a bit, so I went into my friend's (the host) room and crashed. Covered myself up with his blanket and was falling asleep with the light on. Well idk how far after but this guy who had previously been flirting and trying to play grab ass w me came in and closed the door behind him. He shook me a little and asked what I was doing, of course I replied grumpily that I was trying to sleep. I then heard him going through my friends room (opening and closing his desk and closet) then he came over to me and watched me a little. I was on alert bc I don't know this guy (had just met him the same night) and he turned the light off and asked me
"What would you do if I moved the blanket?"
I dont remember what I said but he left shortly after. But after he left the room I got up and called him out in front of everyone at the party telling him that I didn't know if he was some predator or just a theif but that he needed to get the hell out. Everyone kinda looked at me surprised and I just kept telling him it was time to leave. His friend ended up taking him home and I apologized to his friends about calling him a predator. Idk it just really rubbed me the wrong way, how he had come in going through things and then turning off the light and asking about moving the blanket.

I'm still kinda gone writing this but did I over-react to that? I feel like I was kinda a bitch to some drunk dude and feel like I may have started shit in a friend group or over reacted to the situation at hand

No. 412003

File: 1558252944490.png (149.78 KB, 305x305, yab.PNG)

My brother (who I live with but barely talk to) got jumped on his way to work tonight and luckily is fine (for the most part). Things have calmed down but it doesn't help that the cops literally laughed it off and think my brother is a dealer and knew the guys that jumped him because he looked/was high and didn't want to press charges (he didn't want to because the guys know our address). It's such bullshit and my dad, who has been on bad terms with him for years, believes the police. Everyones sleeping now but I'm so exhausted and feel so bad for him.

No. 412017

hope this doesn't come across as race bait but were the guys who jumped him black ?

No. 412024

It was one black guy and two Arabs.

No. 412025

Yeah you overreacted

No. 412031

do you live in France

No. 412034

Nope, Quebec, Canada

No. 412063

File: 1558278308053.jpg (155.09 KB, 1200x900, sad16.jpg)

I'm bored with life in general. It's the same old routine for me. Weekdays go to my boring job. Weekend just stay at home and sleep because there's nothing interesting to do in my small city. I'm getting bored with my hobbies. I don't have any close friends anymore since all of them moved away and/or in a relationship so I have no one to hang out with. Sometimes I feel really disappointed on how my life has turned out. I used to be sort of an ambitious kid. I dreamed of becoming a famous person or a successful business person or a professor holding a doctorate in a specific field and get invited to attend talks all over the world. Now I'm just a boring office worker with no friends, no relationship and no goals in life. How did I end up like this? Is life always going to be this mundane and boring? Is it even worth the effort to change? sighs

No. 412069

God, I hope you don't live in St-Michel or QC, I feel bad for you.

No. 412114

Maybe it’s because I’m seriously sleep-deprived right now but I can’t help but start to hate men. I used to have a ton of internalized misogyny and basically bought into the idea that feminism was all about being overly outraged over insignificant things like skimpy video game characters or manspreading. After reflecting more deeply on the bullshit I’ve seem and faced from men however, I’ve started to seriously come around to the idea of radical feminism and I feel that it’s made me way more cynical about the world than I was before. It’s honestly very depressing though.

No. 412115

I don't feel good being upset by this because I know it makes me vain!! But I went to a new small bar where my bf lives he's been a few times with my brother and friends and so tonight was my turn he's trying to get know people in his area. And it was an old man bad so I got attention but just nodded and smiled it was loud one dude that worked there was on his night off and just been friendly to obviously new regulars and my bf got pissed. Walking home later he was ranting and was like idk even know why u got so much attention anon I would put you as average. I'm mad!!! He explained I'm no super model which is obviously not my occupation and I don't get excessive attention but it just felt very rude! He ranted the entire walk home about how plain I was lol Wtf!!!!!!

No. 412116

Sounds like it made him insecure to see another man chatting to you. In fact he was probably projecting and he felt plain in comparison to the staff member.

No. 412127

break up with him jesus christ

No. 412136

same here, anon. i had so much potential as a kid and i ended up doing nothing and feeling worthless. i feel less and less like a person every day.

No. 412138

My mom needs to go fuck herself with her constant drinking. She does it everyday and it's constant and all she does is sit there crying feeling sorry about her easy cushy life just because she doesn't have a boyfriend right now (she fucks every loser in sight so whats the point of being sad lmao). Meanwhile she's never given me any support with my PTSD and made fun of me for it when I was a kid every day and didn't bother to support me when I was crying through my flashbacks and all the pain. Dont sit there and cry in front of everybody because you don't have an easy fuck right now.
She's such a fucking loser lmao. This bitch is 47. Grow up.

No. 412139

I deactivated my Facebook account years ago, maybe a decade or more or so. I did it before the ability to permanently delete accounts was available. Today, I randomly get an email telling me that this girl I went to school with uploaded a photo. I try and unsubscribe from these emails and get sent to a "This page isn't available" bullshit. So I try and log in and get told that I have to contact 3 randoms (3/5 of which don't even have accounts any more) on my friendlist for a code to input or upload a photo of myself. I deactivated this shit because I don't want them to have my personal info, but I've had to upload a passport photo now to be able to even log into my account so that I can fucking permanently delete it. God knows when they'll actually get back to me, too.

I think it's kind of fucked that they don't seem to have a customer service chat/number you can contact. I'm just thankful that the GDPR shit has been implemented, so they legally can't hang onto my shit, but knowing FB, that's probably bullshit.

No. 412145

Start spending less time with her. She'll either get the picture and cool it with the dysfunction or not and then you've saved yourself a lot of stress.

No. 412152

I have a job interview tomorrow that I'm really stoked for. It's at a medical office and all the perks are fabulous, but I'm stressing so hard on the inevitable drug test. I haven't smoked weed since the first of this month, but I was a daily user before that. I feel like passing a drug test is going to take a miracle and I'm so mad at myself for not stopping smoking sooner. Play stupid games, get stupid prizes.

No. 412156

1. Buy yourself a drug test and see if you piss hot.

2. If you do, go to a head shop and buy synthetic pee, but keep in mind most tests check for temperature as well as pH. But if you can get past those things you're usually good.

No. 412157

File: 1558301839617.png (403.1 KB, 930x552, pol.png)

>lurking 8ch
>discover /pol/ board
>they're posting clips of black babies being abused and choked, calling it "hilarious", "the right thing", etc and that the "solution" is to kill all black people (because a child being abused clearly makes them subhuman, I guess)
This is why I don't see these people as "just jokes" or even worth more than profanity and disgust. They don't feel empathy, and they deliberately make themselves this way.
I unironically hope all /pol/tards die miserable, lonely deaths. I'm not even a little bit sorry for blocking people and cutting them off for being racist cunts, lmao.

No. 412158

I don't dare go near her when she's drunk. I've voiced my opinion about it many times to her, she simply doesn't give a fuck because she has a brain the size of a cashew and she's narcissistic.

No. 412165

It seems like 8chan is for the /pol/yps who've gone so far down the rabbit hole it's their whole life and they don't even fit in on 4chan anymore because they can't stand the few people there who do just treat it like a meme. Must only be kept up as a honey pot by this stage since they're basically a lone-wolf shooter assembly line.

No. 412182

Of course, it's abundantly clear they may start out memeing but that genuinely morphs into dogmatic violent hatred as they spend more and more hours entrenched in that echo chamber. 4chan's /pol/ is just as bad to me though. Absolutely retarded how obsessed with race and muh white genocide they are, they're worse than SJWs are with their WOKE virtue signaling and paranoia.

No. 412185

Back to /leftypol/ troon.

No. 412220

I actually stole that off of here from someone who claimed they invented it lul.

No. 412272

File: 1558314065621.jpeg (37.84 KB, 561x660, D547WPWX4AAFB6q.jpeg)

I got myself mixed up in some shit I really didn't want since I'm working a lot on focusing on myself rn. A guy I liked confessed to me and normally I would outright reject people but this time I said yes to the date. And I'm just now realizing this is 100% not for me. I feel uncomfortable but I'm too scared to get myself out of the situation. Ugh, I'm so stupid.

No. 412274

8chan has been the source for two active extremist shooters' and their livestreams in the past six fucking months, everyone likes to conveniently forget that.

4chan is bad, 8chan is worse. They also have what's basically non pornographic pedophile threads that tiptoe on the borderline, but for awhile I think their deepweb incarnation had an actual CP section.

I'm surprised they're still around when they're even more disgusting and degenerate than 4ch, and there's been actual extremist activity on the platform. You can find similar shit on 4chan and even kiwifarms (there are unironic neonazis who are members of actual extremist hate groups on kf), but 8chan is for a special kind of filthy autist that you don't find as much on those two sites.

No. 412276

My ptsd is getting really bad again and it's so difficult. My trauma dreams are worse even on my meds, and whilst all this Alabama stuff NEEDS to be talked about, talk of sexual assault specifically words can either just make me really uncomfortable or a full out panic attack (shaking, vomiting, inability to speak more than "can't" etc)
I hate having to resort to safe spaces while I'm recovering, it makes me feel stupid and weak but when so many shows and sites have this stuff, I end up just sticking to kids cartoons and stuff.

No. 412279

I used to really hate going to the hairdresser. My hair always came out fucked up and stupid looking, so I avoided it for years until my hair grew out to be pretty long. I took care of it, styled it, really enjoyed having long hair for a while. Then I found a hairdresser that I really like, she always only charges me $10 (from the inital big chop I did to every trim I do now), and deep down I really like the process of getting my hair cut (especially when I don't have to worry about looking like a fool at the end of it lol). Now I'm back to growing out my hair, just because I sorta miss having long hair. I wanted to do pigtail braids, or cute buns or something. I have really fine and straight hair, so short hair is just sort of a one and done situation for me. Can't really style it, can't do much at all really. But fuck, I really want to cut my hair. I just don't want to deal with it most days, I just wanna shower and have my hair dry in 5 minutes without using a blowdryer, I just wanna run out the door and still look effortlessly cute with a cute bob. I'm so torn.

No. 412282

>month+ old thread
>poster was either a schizo christcuck or baiting, probably the latter
C'mon, anon. This is like capping the anon who wanted to fuck her nephew and saying all farmers are like her. Most of the posters that do extra autistic shit like that get chased off and accused of being jews or glow niggers.

No. 412283

Get longer wigs and hairpieces either in your haircolor or in a color that you like and then wear them when you feel like it. It'll feel weird at first, and people will be nosy, but eventually it'll just become your thing. You can have the best of both worlds.

No. 412288

Not sure why my dumb ass didn't think of this before honestly lol. I used to cosplay so I have a few natural (or as natural looking as can be with those sorts of wigs) laying around, but I might starting looking to invest in one or two really nice wigs…!

Summer is approaching and I can't even imagine having to deal with long hair in the summer time. I guess I'll go in for a chop next weekend! Thanks anon!

No. 412324

File: 1558324529251.png (549.57 KB, 591x889, 940949083.png)

i'm shit. as stubborn as i am not to let PTSD define me, the symptoms and effects fuck with nearly every aspect of my life. no matter what i'm told, i feel like broken goods, nobody will love me, and anybody who tries will get sick of me and leave. so i cling a little, and then i worry that that'll make people hate me too. and then i end up distancing myself entirely for fear of letting anybody see just how fucking sad i am.

i went to therapy. i'm medicated. i keep busy. but i still do stupid, crazy people shit like literally punching myself in my face and stomach until my knuckles and body bruise because i hate myself. i cut, but not where places they'll be seen because the last thing i want is to look crazy. i just cut to punish myself. even on stronger doses of benzos and antidepressants, the urge to sabotage myself because i'm worthless never fucking stops. i daydream about stabbing my eyes out for god's sake.

my therapist would have just called me weak and told me i'm letting the man who did this to me win. i am weak. i'm weak as fuck.

No. 412330

Haha, Laval actually. Quebec is one big shithole all together though.

I feel you anon, I'm really sorry. During middle/high school I'd have really bad ptsd relapses that ultimately made me fail and drop out. but I never told anyone because I literally couldn't. Trying to cope got to the point where I wasn't even sure if my memories where real or fabricated.
I used to hate having a safe space too but I've gotten more used to it. It's quite comforting. You're strong anon <3

No. 412341

Why do people hate Spenny from Kenny vs Spenny so much?

My friend and I are having an argument about it. He hates Spenny and I can't figure out why so many people hate him. Why hate him? He's just not hateable. What's so bad about him? Most fans of KvS seem to hate Spenny. I just don't get it. Kenny is gross and I can't stand him. I'd rather have to speak to Spenny than Kenny any time of the day.

No. 412345

Spenny is for sure the better of the two

No. 412346

Are you me
Are you this way from CSA?
Are you in the discord group

No. 412349

Fucking thank you. What is so hateable about him? At least he TRIES to be a decent person. Granted, he's a santimonious spazz and a retard, but I think he's at least a little earnest and Kenny is such a slimeball I can barely consider him human.

No. 412352

i'm this way from CSA and a recent violent rape by a psycho
i am not in the discord group
but if it puts up with dumbfucks like me i'm game

No. 412353

All my life I have had the displeasure of meeting a plethora of monstrous people. I had been bullied to the point of depression and thoughts of suicide, depression that I still deal with today.

have many examples.
1) When I was 12 I was friends with two girls named Trina and Ashley. I never did anything to her but Trina had secretly been planning on fighting me for a week. She tried to start a fight with me one day after school, and when I tried to walk away, she followed me and beat me up. She kept saying it was because I was messing with her cousin but the cousin admitted she knew nothing about this and hadn't seen me in years. All I know is that it was pre-meditated, she had planned to attack me for weeks and she made up a fake excuse as a pretext to beat me up. She had no actual reason. I was afraid to ride the bus afterwards. I even took another bus home then walked the rest of the way home so I wouldn't ride the bus with them. I was afraid of going outside of my house. Why would somebody make a pre-meditated plan to attack another person when they have done nothing to you?

2) Although Trina stopped, her friend Ashley proceeded to harass me for years, all through high school. Yelling loudly "I see a hoe" when she would see me. She'd pass by the bus saying "Hi bitch hi bitch hi bitch." She'd follow me to the restroom, would purposely pass by so her presence would intimate me. This continued for 5 years until she graduated high school.

3) It wasn't just those two female rats. There was one male rat named Gerald who was a guy in my classes who literally wouldn't leave me alone throughout middle school. One day he took a backpack and threw it at me. He'd call me "titty pills" and "grandma drawers." Teachers tried to tell him to stop and he basically said he didn't care to stop.
Didn't see him much in high school, but when I did see him in 11th grade, he pushed another kid so that the kid would land on me. Then in 12th grade, I tried to tell him and the group he was with to go inside and I was losing my voice so it was hard to hear me and he said angrily "Then what are you talking for?!!"

4) Another was Elie, who was one of Gerald's goons. He proceeded to harass me and wouldn't leave me alone throughout middle school. Thought he changed in high school? Nope. Senior year, we were 18, I was auditioning for a dance. With every one hearing, he proceeded to say, " I understand why all the other dancers are here, but what is she doing here?" Then when I told him to stop, he proceeded to take his had push it in my face. My contact lens fell out.

5) I had my first job at 16 where I worked under the President's assistant. She was 25 year old woman with 3 kids. The assistant seemed very uncomfortable from the beginning. She never gave me work and I would have to ask her for work multiple times a day. That didn't stop her from telling the President that "I didn't want to work." She would try to make me look bad, by saying "you left for lunch, we had to find somebody to cover for you" when I was the one who had asked that person to cover for me in advance. I remember I said "Good morning" to her once and she didn't reply. She told me that the (male) President told her "he doesn't like the way I dress" and tried to recommend new clothes for me. She got what she wanted and the President told her she could fire me. She gave me an angry look to when she saw me that morning. She then had me sign the papers then walked up and away.

6)This is not even mentioning my half-sister who hated me and my mom, lied and said my mom was poisoning her, then spread a false rumor when I was 11 that I was pregnant and told my friend's mother not to let her play with me because I was having sex with boys and was a bad influence.

7) I also had some bullying teachers. Most were just straight up rude, but not really bullying. Just ONE who was really rude. My school gave out badges to kids who got all As, A&B. I was asking a whole other administrator when badges were coming out and she randomly was passing by and heard and said: "You're not getting a badge." One day I went to class to tell her I wouldn't be coming to class that day and I came to tell her in advance, she embarrassed me and yelled me in front of our entire class watching: "Oh you came to make an announcement" then yelled at me in front of the class. When ever I would get a high score on a test, she'd be like " Oh that's a shocker" or "here's another shocker."

I never did anything to these people. These people were terrible people. It made me so depressed growing up. It still affects me now. Sometimes I can't help but hate my life. Like today

No. 412392

File: 1558341711750.jpg (393.86 KB, 1080x1790, IMG_20190520_103256.jpg)

Saw pic related on tumblr: what do they want us to do?
If Europe said no to Israel being the host country or if they would get excluded from competing in the contest in general, then everybody would cry antisemitism.
Now because they went to Israel, people complain about "white people" not listening to palestinians.
And because the icelandic group held about that banner, people say they neither helped palestina because it's just virtue signalling and that they offended Israel.
You really can't win, this is so annoying.

No. 412394

File: 1558341913631.jpg (184.42 KB, 1080x974, IMG_20190520_104509.jpg)

Some of the replies

No. 412399

Are people really out there taking the Eurovision seriously ? We all know it's a dumb singing contest. And if those people are American, they really have no right to lecture anyone about how they handle Israël.

No. 412430

They should first decide whether Jews are white or not because they seem to only be white when it suits their narrative. Second, it's fucking eurovision what did you expect.

No. 412435

Isn’t Australia part of Eurovision because it’s under the British monarchy?

No. 412447

No. That would make no sense, and it's still a sovereign country. You don't see New Zealand participating.

They're in Eurovision because… A lot of people there watch it and like it. Seriously, that's why. If it sounds a bit like "we have no friends, can we play with you?", that's because it totally is.

They were first invited as guests as a gag, and then two years later they participated as actual contestants.

No. 412448

yeah we're involved in shit like this/commonwealth games because we're part of the commonwealth and I think pity? queen on our money and shit.
a while ago they had a thing called CANZUCK trying to get us to all be able to travel freely around.


No. 412452

Fucking tired as hell of gay men telling gay/bi women to GTFO of gay bars… There are very few lesbian bars and there have never been any where I live where else do we go?

No. 412473

I'm moving in with my boyfriend in a little over a month because my lease runs out then, and honestly I feel like this is the first step in settling for someone I'm not attracted to on an important level.

He's a great guy, but not someone I want to be with long term. I just really don't want the alternative (moving back home with my mom.) I've tried to tell him I'm not interested as much as he is. I even started to Han Solo 'I know' when he says I love you. I'm a shitty person I think.

No. 412494

i get onto facebook for the first time in 10 years and so many of my friends are married or engaged, lmao. one of my friends (who i used to give boy advice like i knew anything) got married yesterday.

we're all like 25, so idk how to feel about it. i still feel like i'm young but i also feel like i've missed out on so much and feel like a loser/depressed even though i'm getting my life on track. at least i can talk about this with my therapist tomorrow.

No. 412502

I'm so tired of my friend's egoism. We live together and we are very close, share a bed sometimes, are playful and generally have a good time, until I tell him that he does something wrong. He spirals into "uwu I'm a sad depressed boi" mood and begins to say how he doesn't deserve me, he's a piece of shit, etc, etc. Me me me, me sad because you tell me that I did something wrong to you.
And you know what? He's been doing it for two goddamn years. At first I was stupid enough to react to it how he wanted - while he was "angry with himself" I coddled him and told him that he's not a bad person, and my uncomfortableness is not that big of a deal. And I ended up to be the one who said "sorry".
Yeasterday I finally told him that he is an egoist, a 30 years old child who cannot even say "I'm sorry" and if he doesn't care about me, why should I care about him? I said everything I held inside for years. I helped this person throughout all our relationship. I lent him a big sum of money when he needed it and ended up not asking it back, because I was sure that he is very depressed and is unable to work. I let him live in my house for how long he wants because I was sure that he has nowhere to go. I let it be not a real relationship, but "friends with benefits" one, even when I suffered because of it.
All my respect for him started to vanish when I became friends with his old friends. They told me that his mother (who lives in another city) is not exactly a poor woman. He has various places to stay, including his other friend's houses and his family members'. Then my best friend told me that one time they got drunk and he started hitting on her physically, so she had to stop it and tell him to go home. And we had a long talk about her and how I didn't want him to have any relationships with her.
He doesn't respect me. On top of all he can't even say fucking "I'm sorry"! Not even once! Not even when I ask him to say it! He doesn't! I considered him the closest person in my life, closer that parents. I always tried to make him happy, because I wanted to.
Yesterday I cried in front of him while he stayed silent. I said that he was hurting me, that I don't deserve to be ignored while he does what he wants in my fucking house and doesn't even think about my comfort.
"what do you want me to say?" he asked.
Just. Say. You're. Sorry. You. Trash of a man.

No. 412503

It’s 2019 and stores still be putting pricing stickers on shit

No. 412549

I had a friend likes this 5 years ago and I can relate to how you feel. It's not like they don't know how to apologize, it's that they think they don't need to because they hadn't done anything wrong.

I advise you to cut ties with him. I snapped at my ex-friend and told him I didn't want to be his friend anymore, and he did nothing to try to win me back or apologize. It was awful knowing he didn't care about our friendship at all.
However, I don't regret it. My group of friends still hanged out with him, but eventually they started to see his selfish and inappropiate behaviour. We are all adults now and nobody is friends with him, not in a close way at least. My friends even complained to me about him (it was kind of disgusting hearing them because I'd told them he was spreading rumours about me and they wouldn't even flinch, they even dared to blame me for it.)

Just run girl, run. And if you can, don't involve yourself with mutual friends neither. It's the best you can do. I'm really sorry you had to experience that type of behaviour in a close friend.

No. 412570

There's two people in my life that I used to know. One is a girl I knew in middle school, we stopped talking after highschool. She went on to do some medical stuff in college, is now going for her PhD I think. I have her on facebook, but I barely use it and the last time I checked she got married and now has a kid. I'm gonna guess she had a pretty big fancy wedding judging by her dress and the fact that she comes from a well off Jewish family. It feels weird that she's probably the only one in my life leading that sort of… life that you think you're supposed to have growing up? Get married, have kids, live in a nice house, earning a decent paycheck.

The other kid I know I met in college. We were in the same major, I was a year above him. He studied abroad in Japan, came back with N1 level fluency (I also studied in Japan but muh crippling depression and a bunch of other shit so I came back alright, but I barely use it now so shit sucks but I've basically lost everything I knew lol). He's interned at a bunch of big political places, even got offered an internship at the US embassy in Osaka and TURNED IT DOWN (because of his study abroad). Now he's interning at the US mission for the UN.

Part of me feels awful. These people are so accomplished, yet what do I have to show for it? I finally escaped my retail job and now I'm a receptionist. I don't think it's a bad job - I actually quite like office work, but it seems so… minuscule compared to them. It makes me feel like I'm just a stupid little ant while they're out there playing with the big boys, making something of themselves and possibly changing the world while I'm out here… just a receptionist. I hate feeling awful about myself when I compare myself to them, because the other part of me is perfectly content with where I am right now. I already know that I never want kids and gave up on a career in the political field a long time ago (honestly, fuck that lol not worth it for me). I already know that what I want out of life is to just lead a simple life, earning an honest living, and eventually retiring in my old college town with some dogs and maybe a partner. But fuck. Fuck brains, man. I wish I could stop feeling awful about myself and my self worth over shit that's not even worth caring about. These two people are great and hardworking and deserve the opportunities they worked hard to get, and I wish my dumb brain would stop being bitter because god knows if I had those opportunities, I wouldn't even want them.

No. 412573

Worst thing is when they put pricing stickers on glass, thanks for the couple days worth of scrubbing

No. 412576

I am the same way from CSA and rape as an adult
I'd really like to know you.

No. 412587

do you mind dropping a throwaway anon? as cynical as i am i think it would do us both good, too. i haven't talked to anyone with a similar experience before.

No. 412602

Sure thing!

No. 412628

I'm really shy but also a huge introvert. Everyone I've ever met has made my quiet nature sound like such a huge flaw. I've been working on it for the past 5 years and I feel I've greatly improved. however, it's still a major weakness of mine and as much as I try to work on it, it's obvious that I'm behind in social development compared to other people in their mid 20s. I have an internship that I've been trying so hard at to make sure I'm at least on a normal level of social effort. it's been really difficult to me and I often go home feeling bad about how awful socially I am. of course today my preceptor tells me I'm too quiet and to not expect people to listen to me if I always sound meek and not confident. Apparently if im too quiet, people will think I'm an aloof asshole, no matter what else I do. Then he said just to "get a stronger voice". I feel so low right now. how can I just quickly fix a flaw I've been trying my while life to improve upon? I want to give up

No. 412635

sweet! it'll take me a bit to email you since i'm at work but expect something from me soon.

No. 412640

I feel like I'm two separate people and i can't be myself ever.
Ever since i realized that if you're always nice and act super sensitive about everything people are less likely to be mean to you and whenever something bad happens the guilt is 1000% easier to shift to others since you're so nice and pure. It works wonderfully especially when bad shit happens in a relationship or in a friend group you can be vindictive behind the scenes and no one suspects you. But it makes me feel so lonely because no one really knows me, like nobody in a million years would think i post here making fun of lolcows or hating shit.
Sometimes it gets tiresome to just act all the time and find new shit to act sensitive about

No. 412647

In line with what some of the other anons have posted, I often feel that I am a shell of a person. I am not depressed, I have a nice life but I just… feel nothing at all? I have dreams, I aspire to things. I just don't feel things or laugh in the way I used to.

I was a very flamboyant child/teenager. All my life I was called annoying, too talkative, etc. I never thought it'd be this way but now I am the polar opposite. In fact, most everyone now knows me as the "quiet one". I have no friends other than my fiancé. It's like my personality just up and went and I have no idea who I am or what I'm about.

No. 412648

I feel this way too much.

After my ex broke up with me and I quit my last soul sucking job, I felt like I came out of that whole mess a completely different person. It was so hard to explain to my best friend that I'm just… a shell of my former self. Of course, I'm not the same person I was a few years ago, but to feel my whole personality and sense of self shift so drastically in the span of just a few months was weird and uncomfortable. It also feels way too 3edgy5me for me to say to people. Even posting it here I feel like someone's gonna call me out for trying to be edgy lol. But it's just how I feel.

I feel like I'm just an imposter, occupying this body until my former self returns. Who knows if she'll even ever return?

No. 412649

I have to cram for a test that determines if I pass the class or not. My proff was also fired halfway through the semester so now I have to teach and cram my notes. My menstrual cycle just started so I have to teach myself and cram my notes all while cramping. AHHHHHHHH

No. 412651

I was supposed to get a text 2 days ago if my blood test was fine, but i haven't. I'm finding out what was wrong with them tomorrow. It could be fucking anything, because I only remember 2 of the 5 things they were testing for? It wasn't a general blood test either, so that's scary fs.

No. 412652

>>412503 I work in two different stores and most of my job is checking the stickers. either for price changes, or to see if they've been ripped off. it's so fucking pointless and it means my job is NEVER done. I'll finish checking the whole store, only to have to go back around and replace all of the stickers that were removed since the last check. i hate it.

No. 412654

Has anyone else here suffered with mental health problems from a very early age? I was showing ptsd symptoms at age 6 (so much show it was noted by the school because I would have severe and frequent symptoms. but they didn't record it as ptsd? they just said I would go into shock) I've been purging and cutting since I was 10. It's like there was never a time before mental illness? so how could I ever possibly recover? I've had some cbt and dbt, but it didn't work because I was still being abused. I'm on loads of meds, which help. but my symptoms still rule my life. I feel like this is just who I am at this point.

No. 412685

I'm trying to accept that I have body image issues that could hurt my relationship if I don't back off of them. I think I might have a minor ED when I let it control me, but have kept it under control somehow.
I've been skinny my whole life, without effort. My weight as a teenager was 105 until I had a breakdown and lost ten to thirteen pounds. After I gained it back, I put on more weight because I started to exercise more, but now I'm not really exercising other than some walking and cycling. I'm 5'6" and 112-114 lbs, usually, sometimes less, never more than 114. I can fit into all of the same clothes, it's just a bit tighter on my waist and hips. I am either a pear or bottom-heavy hourglass with a sturdy waist and have always had a small food pooch, except in the morning where I'm close to if not flat. When I worked out I had less of one, but still did.
I just want someone to tell me that I look ok. I keep looking at old photos and trying to see if I can look the same at my current weight. Even though when I look at the oldest photos, I think that I look a bit sickly.
I feel like I need to lose weight. Not that much weight, but maybe 5-10 lbs. I know I'm barely "normal weight," but it doesn't matter. The problem with all of this is that I'm not even "fat" and it consumes so much of my thinking that I have issues enjoying food, which is one of my passions. It makes it harder for me to enjoy sexual stuff too because I worry about looking good if I can see myself.
Everyone around me has said I shouldn't worry when I've told them. The most critical thing anyone has said is that if I'm that worried, just eat healthy or a bit less (he also said that I look fine.) The only time I don't worry is when I'm with my boyfriend because he adores my body, but he has issues with his body too. It comes and goes in waves and I just want it to not come back, because it has.
I just want to not care anymore.

No. 412695

Might sound odd, but what helps me with this is seeing people who are heavier than me being confident.
Unironically look through body positivity videos and posts on ig if you're an anon who can stomach looking at chubby people. Even if you're a fatty-hater, it will at least make you feel better than them..? Personally it just inspires me to see people who are "worse" than me just out there, existing. Having fun in public, even.

But otherwise, have you considered seeing a therapist about BDD? If it bothers you this much it might be worth it.

No. 412704

File: 1558394150888.jpg (22.62 KB, 479x477, b498338dd9456ec99fb22a446571aa…)

This is going to sound like a stupid thing to vent for but this is really affecting me too much. Since I was a child I have been obsessed with climaterio warming and I have done everything possible to reduce my ozone print and not damage the planet, however, this concern reached such a high fucking point that I started suffering from a lot of anxiety that caused damage to my heart, recurring nightmares and feelings of doom that destroyed me every day, I was only 12 years old. Finally I decided to relax a bit for my health until that theme returned with the news that we have only 12 years left before a total mess happening, I havent stopped thinking about it, the nightmares returned, I sweat cold and my hands dont stop tremble, even my family has noticed. It's too much, its so imminent, everyone seems to be so calm about this, how people can just ignore danger like this? (Its obvious why tho) How do you deal with this anons? Is there still hope? I will not even be 30 and the world will be already ended for me.
(My English sucks sorry)

No. 412707

ive been stressing a lot about this shit but no one around me gives a fuck so i try not to think about it. it hurts to think that i cant do anything to stop it and that my future is doomed for a little bunch of rich assholes. theres no hope

No. 412710

Me too, people with that ~depressed sad woe is me uwu~ facade tend to be the worst, those who use their mental illnesses to guilt-trip others are everywhere and they hide very well. They act like the world owes them anything and even when they say how "actually nice and soft" they are it's all bullshit because they are the most self-centered people you'll ever meet, always thinking they should treat others terribly for their own personal issues due to some inferiority complex so you're always "the asshole" in their history, you got me with the "What do you even want me to say" bit, they have no empathy for anyone but themselves and i have seen it with my own fucking eyes with those exact same words, they just get desensitized to any pain that it's not theirs so the show can still be about how "sad" they are, not all depressed people are like this, but be wary, nobody, specially such a dedicated person like you, deserves this.

No. 412711

Sorry if this sounds stupid but is there a chance you might have OCD ? This level of obsession and anxiety sounds like it, and it's not uncommon to get obsessions around things like this that you can't actually control. I know someone who used to have obsessions/compulsions centered around the fear an asteroid might hit Earth.

No. 412712

Same. I try to live as sustainably as possible but everyone around me says "yes there is a problem" and does fuck all about it.
The good news is, it's slowly getting better and lots of people around me are waking up and changing their habits, speaking up etc.
The bad news is I moved from a country that invented the guillotine to a country where people are afraid to talk to each other and sit around getting drunk in their underwear so nobody is protesting or holding big companies accountable for their actions. Also no farmers markets here and most of the food is imported so a lot of vegetables are packaged in plastic.

No. 412714

I'm going to sound like an old crone here, but the way people are with devices nowadays really makes me sad. I constantly see children with iPads and iPhones, and it kinda scares me how they'll be affected by what they see online/social media (and you just know that most parents aren't monitoring what their kids are searching up)

I dunno, its just sad that kids dont play outside anymore as much, and it doesn't even feel safe to let kids out cause you know how many fucking weirdos there are in the world thanks to the internet. It's not better to live in ignorance of that but still it sucks. I feel that most parents just give a kid a phone so they're out of their hair and its sad watching the world turn completely robotic in a way.

Eh, probably been watching too many ghibli films. But I really do hope that it becomes a trend to stop using social media in the future, cause I'm sick of it and how lonely and depressed it makes people. It's devastating.

No. 412715

I feel you, anon. I actually have a lot less hope for the future generations because they’re going to be exposed to so much weird shit online. Things like pornography and extremist ideologies are already fucking people up and I can’t imagine how much worse it’s going to get when children are so habituated to screens at a young age. Their attention spans are going to be so fucked.

No. 412716

I honestly didn't realize how shitty and destructive social media really is until I distanced myself from it a year ago. Deleted my Facebook and haven't looked back. Fuck that.

No. 412717

I feel like I'm turning more and more into a boomer… I'm only in my mid 20s. My political stances are basically just like "Well, if it's not affecting me directly, I don't care and I can't do anything about it. I'll vote for whoever can help improve my life when I can." My boyfriend's stances are basically the same. Maybe it's because I'm a poorfag and I don't have tons a free time. Especially with all these Political Issue of the Week things popping up all over the internet.
I used to be an SJW, so maybe that's why I feel like I'm a boomer now lol

No. 412718

File: 1558396262525.jpg (23.27 KB, 400x400, 6fd9cce62517281542ea909a21d31d…)

I am in love with the pedophile who destroyed my life. He was a rancid, putrid man, a lolicon who taught me how to masturbate to loli right alongside real CP, we masturbated to rape and beastiality and necrophilia and torture (all irl) and art of babies being raped or tortured and I hadn't reached puberty yet I remember not quite having my own sexual desires or drive to touch myself but doing it for him and he instructed me to produce CP of myself shoving sharp colored pencils and scissors in my holes and was so focused on making "mind break" a reality with me, I think I was an experiment for him, because a real life prepubescent little girl who is mentally broken and bleeding from all her orifaces is like his main kink, and I feel like I'm still that to this day decades later
But still in my heart I feel like no one has ever or will ever love me the way he did
I think he defined what love is for me and he's the last word on it. I miss him. He's probably dead.
I want to be done living already.

No. 412719

Yeah, sometimes it feels like people just fucking hate others for no reason whatsoever, other than that, all of this seems to have happened when you were young so there were a ton of childish teenagers and adults around who knew they could take advantage of you for obvious reasons, anon none of this it's your fault, it's just really bad luck.

No. 412722

The vent thread is a lot more concerning than usual. Genuinely hope anons are actively seeking help.

No. 412724

I’m hoping it changes soon. The less kids exposed to all the freaks and shit on the internet the better.
I’ve heard that kids who are constantly on their phones/technology are becoming less empathetic/compassionate. Not sure how true it is but I can beleive it.

No. 412725

The only good thing about this it's that thanks to the internet we are more informed about those fucking weirdos, last time someone tried to mess up with kids online (Remember those weird Youtube kids channels?) people fucking lost it and now they are actively protecting their children from this type of content, but i don't think it'll be enough.

No. 412726

If this is real please contact a therapist if at all possible anon. What he did is not even remotely similar to love and it sounds like your mental health is suffering very badly. You need to talk to a professional about this and not just an imageboard so that you can get help and support.

No. 412728

File: 1558399565716.jpg (60.69 KB, 783x392, images.jpeg-4.jpg)

I'm very suicidal.
Everything got really bad in the last 2 months. I got fired, my dad had a heart attack and I failed an important class at college that probably means I'm out of my course.
I've tried to let people know how I'm feeling anons but I don't think anyone truly understands the scope of it and how close I feel to that edge

No. 412731

I don't just talk to an imageboard, ive been in therapy for several years, in and out of inpatient facilities and outpatient programs, I currently have a therapist, take medication, and my family is very much aware of everything that happened back then, but sometimes it feels good to say my feelings anonymously.

No. 412732


just use acetone on the residue left behind on glass

No. 412738

>no one disagreed with any of it
>multiple people in that thread thanking OP or agreeing with him (which makes it nothing like what would happen if we got some mentally ill freak on LC)
Nah, fuck off. We've all seen how these "people" act and what they think because they make it a point to make their psychosis as accessible as possible. Don't backtrack or play damage control now. /pol/tards are racist scrote cancer, and they're proud of it.

No. 412739

File: 1558407248191.gif (768.24 KB, 500x340, seensomeshit.gif)

I had a dream I engaged in incestuous sex acts with my dream not-father. As in, this dream man wasn't my literal father, but I believed him to be my actual, biological father in the dream. I'm not even attracted to men in my waking life. What the FUCK does this mean

No. 412742

I feel your rage anon, those are my exact same thoughts.

Actually i'm diagnosed with ocd and i didnt know that having these thoughts was a symptom, i always thought that it was just me being a retard, also holy shit, i had a big obsession with asteroids for like a decade too!, it was a very tough time and im glad i wasnt the only one with those thoughts.

>Also no farmers markets here and most of the food is imported so a lot of vegetables are packaged in plastic.
Well my country is very poor, so people normally buy vegetables and fruits directly from a farm and carry their things on reusable bags (they're very endurable btw).

No. 412763

I hate having a sex drive because it’s the one major thing that makes me want a boyfriend. However, I find myself hating men after having had to deal with a lot of shitty men in my life. I wish I could be a lesbian but I am just not physically attracted to women and can’t imagine being in a relationship with one at all.

No. 412766

That does sort of help me, actually. I'm not a fatty-hater either (although past a certain weight people tend to look gross) so if I see a chubby woman and think she looks ok, I tell myself that I must look ok too. Sometimes I see women with my body type, like actresses or "hot girls" online, and I try to see how I look like them to remind myself that I look fine.
I do want to get a bit more in shape again, for health reasons. And it would be nice if I could get my waist a little smaller/tighter so some of my skirts/dresses/pants aren't so tight on me. But I also feel like I don't know how to do it alone without getting into BDD territory.
It was a bit easier when I was getting abs and focused on how cool muscles are, and had people to work out with. I didn't focus on my body size so much then or "shrinking" myself. I've always had issues about my waist-hip ratio even though I have full hips because my waist isn't 23". I'm 26"-27"-ish and my waist and hips seem to grow at the same rate. I'm just including measurements and weights so you can get an idea of what I look like proportionally, I don't want to be dishonest and it also gives it some grounding?
I'm thinking about bringing it up with my therapist, but it's a weird topic to broach, and I'm not sure if he will approach it in the way I need or not. Everyone does body posi things but I'm not sure how it'd be best to go about it with me because I soaked in that rhetoric and it only seems to help me in certain forms. Seeing myself as a whole individual and not just a body works. It's not destroying my life so far but I want it to stop bringing me down on myself.
It's weird, sometimes I think being here makes it worse, but reading some of the people in /ot/ and /g/ who are also dealing with body image issues makes me feel like there are others I can talk to without revealing myself. I hope you girls can find close to unconditional happiness with your bodies someday, too.

No. 412767

File: 1558416270098.png (328.36 KB, 672x464, ss.png)

What color is this disgusting tile, anons? This is pink-purple, right? My mother is telling me this is beige.

No. 412772

it's white with beige in it. it's fake marbled so it's kind of swirled around.

No. 412773

File: 1558418253350.gif (1.96 MB, 450x450, 1534350634879.gif)

It's not just the weird shite online, it's the weird shite offline that has become acceptable to show off thanks to the internet. And that's not even the worst thing parents have to worry about, parents are actively destroying their kids with technology because they're lazy and spineless. My little sister goes to creche and many kids there have sensory issues because parents pacify them with tablets and have unrealistic academic expectations of their children because they want them to "succeed in life uwu", so they tiger mum them into autism territory.

All my friends say I'm being old and curmudgeony but I had a lot more friends playing outside as a kid than my little sis. I play with her when I can but I'm not at home most of the time, and her peers' parents are too lazy and paranoid to let them be kids, they constantly helicopter them when they play and interject every 5 minutes. Last year I took my sister and some of her friends to a national park and after we came back one of the parents had a fit because "what if there's ticks, what if my wee baby gets Lyme disease". Take him to a doctor so?

Another issue I've noticed is that parents seem weirdly scared of their children. Mothers with children on the tram just ignore their fits and tantrums or quietly whisper to them "be quiet, calm down" which of course does not work. You do not reason with rowdy children, you have to discipline them, and many seem to think that is wrong or abusive or whatever. I've seen people on here lamenting about "picky kids" which is a non-issue and sounds like a yank problem. Kids should be taught to eat what the adults eat, it is completely ludicrous to prepare separate meals for your child, you are not a chef and a home is not a restaurant. Include your child in choosing what to eat for tomorrow, fair, but give them 2 options and let them pick. If they don't like it, they will when they get hungry.

I had a talk with an American mum the other day and she mentioned HelloFresh veggie delivery. It seemed lazy but she defended it with "um excuse me I'm a mom of a TODDLER". Congratulations, do you want a biscuit…?

I'm very protective of my sister and it saddens me that parents are becoming so spineless and filling their children's heads with new agey bollocks, and it's becoming popular worldwide thanks to the internet and everyone aping wealthy US West coasters.

No. 412776

I see marbled white and pale pale pink

No. 412780

you really, really should try to find some other place. you will just get stuck deeper in something you don't want if you move in with him.

No. 412792

If you aren't persuing a career in politics what is even the point of following it? Before anyone mentions, modern political activists get jack shit done.

No. 412798

Looks white/beige to me.

No. 412800

Because politics affect your day to day life..? Or are you one of those people that doesn’t follow politics then either refuses to vote or does a donkey vote, and when the government does something that affects you personally you shit your pants?

No. 412803

>Because politics affect your day to day life..?
You didn't answer my question. Me following politics would change things how? All I can foresee is me turning into an angry, miserable pile of shit.