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Don’t mind me, I’ll just cry myself to sleep
note from previous thread: >As an added note, don't infight ITT. It's one thing to comment on an anon's post, but it's another to try and start infighting with an anon by replying with a snarky response (ex. "what did you expect to happen anon?") "that doesn't happen"
>just let anon vent, if you want to be a nitpicky bitch head over to /pt/ or /snow/. no1currs about your shitty input.
shit is hard but your roommate needs to stop bitching and be grateful for what she's got.
Roommates seem to just suck in general. I'm very much looking forward to living alone someday.
i also want to have my tiddies sucked
for now only in my dreams
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Im sick of convincing myself I dont mind my bfs weight gain but now he doesnt even want to have sex with me because its too much effort for him ahahahhaha
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It's so hard to be "right-wing" when the vast majority of right wing men openly shit on women, literally dehumanizing and despising us. Most dont even believe in anything ideological or philosophical, they just crawl into these circles like a refuge from their own failures as men.
It's not like left wing men are any better either since they'll all pretend to be your friend until they feel like they can take advantage of you sexually. They are just as misogynistic and pornsick as any other man they just know better than to advertise it usually.
I'm realizing more and more that all men are just trash and I'm fucking sad and hopeless. Why can't they just see woman as humans instead of walking sex dispensers? And of course if sex dispenser isn't dispensing sex they despise it, and have a fucking conniption if they dispense sex to men who aren't them.
Maybe it's just part of their biology as mo*ids but fuck it makes me miserable
Being anti-female is an anathema to actual far right politics. Imo the ideology is reverence for nature and the motherly figure applied to political theory.
Evola said the average female is superior to the average male and that guy hated literal fascism for being too cucked. William pierce said he worshipped femininity. Nietzsche said females were superior to males in that they are ideologically more fanatic and reliable than men. I could go on really, but it's not necessary. Traditionalists criticise modern women but they also criticise modern men, something that internet nazis m*ids choose to ignore. They'd rather pretend to be innocent victims
with no agency or responsibility, because their politics were always an escape from responsibility in the first place. The opposite is true in reality and being and actualized right wing man means putting in a lot of effort.
Most """far right""" men on the internet are just edgy libertarians and mgtows who just hate black people. They don't know anything about far right philosophy outside of fake quotes they read on /pol/.
Don't wanna make this a political debate just want to vent about fucking MEN.>>726899
Dunno who that is but interested.
So "actual" right wing ideology is just worshipping women as breeders and pawns of ideology instead of "worshipping" women as sex objects. WOW so cool anon, so much better than the left.
I'd rather create my own ideology than rely on stupid man-made concepts. Most philosophers were retarded anyway.
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I'm sorry for the incoming rant kek but I just learned that a really great internship that I was suppose to do has been canceled due to covid. I'm angry because they first reached out to me but stopped answering my e-mail 1 month ago, the covid laws haven't changed in a long time in my country, and my family think that it's just an excuse to hire someone else. I feel so dumb for thinking they were just busy and not making them sigh the paper as soon as I received a proposition. I have lost a lot of time in my research because of this.
The past month have already been really difficult, I can't keep up with school anymore and I have recently screwed up a really important work. I will have to defend it in front of a jury in a week and I'm so ashamed of it. My ed has never been so strong because of the stress. It just keeps getting worst, and everyday I have insomnia because the stress is keeping me up at night. I just want everything to stop, but I don't want to be a burden for my family, they are really supportive and I don't want them to worry. I'm so ashamed because today I broke down and cried while talking to the phone with my dad. Everybody looks at me with pity because they say that I have a lot of potential and talent but I'm too unstable to do anything with it. I'm so tired and I don't know what to do.
Eco-fascism and worshipping the natural order as my telos seems the most practical and ethnical to me.
I do not have a problem with humanizing females while having these beliefs. It's always men that abuse and dehumanize women no matter what ideology they have. Some are just more honest about their level of hatred.
But in nature males abuse females lmao, the sexes live in a sexual conflict, not in harmony. There are exploiters and the exploited, read the Selfish Gene or something.
Men are like this by nature and by worshipping nature you're enabling their natural behavior. There's no escape from it.
I only like the green stuff, you know, trees, mountains etc. But the rest of nature is retarded, cannibalistic, incestous and abusive
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Nta but I agree with this. The "mother nature knows best" discourse that the ordering of the natural world offers a model of how human activity and relationships should be structured is really misguided. I love the countryside and the forests etc, but a lot of what occurs "in nature" is violent and destructive and the rest like you said
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My aunt asked me today "What would you do in a concentration camp during WWII? You probably wouldn't survive a day there! People didn't have time for depression during the war. Now they're depressed because they have nothing to do!", and then she started telling me about some man she worked with when she was young, he was in a camp during the war. I already posted about her in the previous thread >>724973
This is getting worse and worse, she keeps reminding me how weak I am
wtf??? but everyone was depressed?? is like when u live with abusive
parents yeah it feels bad,yeah u cant escape unless u have money or enough mental strength to go full survive in the amazonas mode so what do you do? keep living lol i want to smack your dumb aunt so hard rn anon i hate boomers who belittle pain just because. idk her point is wack throw her a glass full of water
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>>727072>note from previous thread exists>u typing this shit willingly
You know what this is anon? Projection. She's equating her overcoming her own personal struggles to your situation, and apparently that of holocaust survivors, because deep down she feels she wasn't cut any breaks or given any empathy when she was down or seen others down. Whatever happened in her life or in other people's lives, all she knows is that one day for reasons and outside factors that things were "better" and so all you need to do is play mind over matter and pull yourself up by the bootstraps. She gave you some brief sympathy, so why aren't you automatically better? Just get over feeling bad. You're inconvenient and bring her down. Because your depression isn't about you, it's selfishly about how she feels because of your depression. Other than that? If you performed toxic
positivity on the outside even if you still felt like shit on the inside, she and your family wouldn't give a fuck about it anymore.
My family, my mother in particular, were the same fucking way. My mother was a perpetual victim
with double standards. She was allowed to feel like shit indefinitely and treat me like a punching bag or therapist mood-depending, but if I dared go through a period of crippling depression during circumstances where I needed support or space? Oh, I was just lazy, or selfish, or excuse-making, and trying to get on welfare (lolwat?!). Mom thought therapy was only for "crazy people" and people faking conditions, up until she wanted a therapist to validate her narratives and lies. Projection.
I know you can't escape these people for now, but just hold your breath until you can cut contact with them. Best decision I made in my life, and familial drama dropped to practically 0%. Surround yourself with people who are on your side.
Tbh even fat people can look attractive. Its all about the way u dress n act kek
If you are one of those who mindlesy stares at a fit woman then no wonder you are suffering.
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I agree with this. You just have to come to terms with the fact it's not the weight sometimes
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My boyfriend called me zaftig earlier and then said I was matronly, all intending to be positive compliments.
Hurts a little. It's not like I'm an older mom where this would actually be kinda nice to hear after a few kids. I haven't even had any yet and I'm 29. I must look like a fat hag, and the worst part is I just don't really care enough to do anything about it and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
>>727052 > diagnosed with clinical depression at 13, and I've been struggling with it for 10 years
Same except I'm 20 years into it now. My dad said all that same shit about 'having life too easy' (childhood sexual abuse, life on easy mode!) Shit about depression just not existing back when he was young. He kept up that 'just get over it' talk for 20 years and in that time I've moved very far away just so I could struggle in private. I share nothing with him. Hospitals trips, meds, abusive
bfs that I couldn't get away from because of money issues…I knew he would mentally drag me down more than his money would've ever helped. No sharing of problems with him ..ever. But now since lockdown he's been whinging to me about his depression because just staying home and not going to the pub every other night is killing him!
Even if someone like that is your last living relative…distance yourself. If you're years into dealing with this you shouldn't still have to fight to have them see the struggle as even existing. You already have a negative voice in your head everyday…so why live with hers on top of that?
Wannabe writers definitly DO get hate too. I’ve never been looked upon so condescendingly when I said I wanted to try writing to my writing friends, and had them talk shit about my other writing friends and flat out said they weren’t good and couldn’t be a writer.
These areas are gate keepy because everyone wants it as their dream job so naturally it’s competitive.
It’s also what makes people feel special
and so they don’t want people reminding them that they aren’t really and then the only thing that sets them apart is their skill level. That’s why they shit on newbies and beginners so much because they’re just feeling superior since they’ve been doing it longer and want that special feeling back.
In the art community too it’s a major problem with the influx of new artists selling their work for pennies or giving it away for free.
NTA, but why do people even bother joining these communities in the first place? Is it really that impossible to become a successful writer without involving yourself with crab in the bucket-tier people who also want to "make it"?
I like writing, but I hate the idea of it being a salt-laden shitshow the way the online art community is. I feel like it'd be better to just write on my own, and read books to figure out how to improve my work. Is that a bad idea?
Not defending a drunk bitch here but it might be that thing where given the couple extra decades she has on you and few pregnancies..she feels fatness at her age is acceptable and you being I assume pre-babies and young you are heading down that route worryingly early in her eyes? That message delivered in a gross way though?
I was thin growing up and my pretty fat mom (had me late in life, got bigger after each baby) would never stop complimenting me on my skinny 18 year old figure. I think in her eyes I was set for life because some guy would be crazy about me and give me a good life just for being slim? I'm still thin but gay and hopeless with dating. Too many moms do that and either berate you for being fat (while they are also fat) or never shut up about how wonderfully skinny you are (creepy)
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My skincare was flawless. My water intake? On point. My face reached its absolute peak during the last couple of months. I was supposed to look impeccable on my fucking birthday.
So what greeted me when I looked in the mirror this morning? Goddamn period acne all over my chin.
Well fuck me in the ass I guess. I'm not going anywhere tomorrow.
I'm not going outside, there's still lockdown where I live. I was going to celebrate with my friends at my bf's house so no, I wasn't going to wear a mask.
Also kindly piss off, I'm allowed to vent after struggling for a almost a year to get rid of acne only for it to come back right before my birthday.
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Someone threw away my hydro philodendron that I've been growing for like a year and I'm so fucking sad and pissed about it. Why would you see a plant in a glass bottle and think "I don't live here and this is clearly an indoor plant that belongs to someone, but I will throw it away anyway instead of simply putting it on a counter". Fuck whoever did it. I literally have to buy an entire new plant. The worst part is, I didn't even put it in the spot it was in when it was thrown away. If people would stop touching my fucking plants this would have never happened. It was fine on the window sill where it got plenty of light, bitch. I had only been growing that one for less than a year, but the original plant it came off of was a year old and died. I literally have no remnants of my first philo left. Fuck everybody, truly.
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why are/were my friends moms cunts to me. i have no other place to rant about this to because it's so stupid but it makes me sad because i always try to act polite. i may be quiet at times but never rude.
like the time i overdosed, my best friend's mom made fun of me to my face and told her friends and my friend didn't give a shit, my [spoiler]obese[spoiler] friend was ordering a fucking cake for us because i didn't have any sweets and her mom got pissed at my mom for not having any, and my other friend's mom talked shit about me "having no friends" because i dropped out of a class. what the fuck.
when i find out about these things or hear them to my face i just feel like shit. i'm already extremely insecure so this just fucks me up. what the fuck did i do to you middle aged women. i'm growing a backbone and cutting people out of my life but some comments still really affect me.
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>ywn live in a suburban America and have an affair with a hot dad who's 30 years older than you
I watch too much american movies where they're actually hot eh
one time it was on the phone so the mom didn't know i could hear, especially fucked up because she was like "aha don't let anon be near any pills she'll swallow them all down again!! hahaha" another friend told me our friend's mom talked shit about me. another time my friend even told me straight up because they thought it was kind of funny. like ok asshole, thanks for the information.>>727374
thank you, anon, i'm trying to make better friends now but it's kind of ironic how three of my closest friends at the moment have dead moms. i love them, yes it's not funny but.. it's veeryyy ironic..
also fucked up spoilers because i'm high but it looks funny kek
This is so fucked up wtf who makes jokes like that at that age ? And about their kid's friend ??
Also hope you're not friends with that 3rd one anymore.
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mfw i have to come home to my verbally abusive grandma after work and i hate sharing a space with her so much that i’d rather work 56 hr weeks than be together in our apartment, despite the fact that i pay for the exorbitant new york city rent and all other expenses by myself
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>tfw you look like this
I don't really know how to even begin but I wish the men in my life - especially close male relatives - weren't such a major disappointment for me.
They do all this talking about how smart they are, they tell us (the women in the family) how to think, how to feel, they pretend to be so in control of themselves and their destinies, and yet we are constantly picking up after their mistakes. It's all talk but no action, just hot air spewing out their mouths and then of course, we're the ones who have to carry all the responsibility on our shoulders, at the end of the day.
We're the ones who suffer when they fuck up, we're the ones who have to apologize for the retarded shit that they say or do, we're the ones who have to scrimp and save while they blow all their money on cars and other grown up little boy toys, but if we ask for ONE thing, we're evil bitches, need to shut up, or get threatened with being thrown out of the house, or they leave and sit up with their friends for days until they feel like we aren't going to bother them anymore. Rinse, and repeat.
I used to think it was just my father who was the issue, but so many men I know have this really immature and selfish personality type. And like my dad, they're the ones who cry and whine online about "men's rights", or how women like my mom won't jump through hoops for him, always conveniently leaving out the fact he never, ever gave any effort in sharing in her life or mine, it's always me me me me me. I wish it made me angry, but it just makes me really, really sad when I think about it, because men really do see themselves as Sir Gallahads when in reality, they are bumbling idiots who are one step away from falling off the cliff they can't see right in front of them.
Sorry for the sperg.
oh my god anon, I'm so so sorry. Are you in a safe place now? Do you have any way to proove what happened so you could go to the police ???
I'm wishing you the best for the future and I'm sure you will meet some good people in the future, the people that you truly deserve.
I'm glad that you are safe and that you have a therapist. I hope that they will help you really well through all of this.
I sending you all my love ! Also I know it's really hard to have some friendship interactions right now, but maybe you could join a discord related to one of your hobies just so you could have some nice and silly interactions to get your mind off a little bit (for exemple I'm in a cottagecore discord and people are really nice there). Maybe it's a stupid idea but I think it could be good for you to join some sort of group as well as having some proper therapy.
Also if you have any way to denouce those monsters don't hesitate do ask for help to your therapist so you could together file a complaint. The fact that you are really strong and that you have been dealing with it for a long time doesn't make it any less awful and you deserve all the reparation possible !
I'm wishing you the best!
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i knew what the video was about but I still wasn't ready
God this wasn’t even that long ago all things considered
i wanted to vent more in my first post but felt really ashamed sharing more because i knew in just a little bit after posting i was going to talk to him on the phone and let him give his piece and i expected myself to accept his groveling and sympathise. but i didn't. i don't like to prattle about my ~trauma~ but i've been through a lot honestly (i feel like i can say this for the first time since it's anon) and i've always felt like the real guilty party, always tried to forgive if i could, never tried to make them feel worse if i could help it. i ended up yelling at him and making him feel worse and i feel wonderful.
i think the discord idea is honestly great, not stupid at all. it's hard yeah but you're right, i think it is what i need, and it's what i wanted.
long fucking annoying post i usually lurk idk if people care about that shit in the vent thread and i could've made this post better but my brains been kind of fried since yesterday lol. again i cannot express the love and gratitude i feel. thank you. i am so acutely aware of how ironic And pathetic it is i'm feeling emotionally supported for the first time in so long on fucking lolcow
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Removing it is the best thing you could do, I had 2 horizontal wisdom teeth and it was fucking annoying, all the money I dumped on getting my teeth aligned so they didn’t look horrible turned into salt and water because the fuckers kept pushing them and making me look like pic related.
The pain only lasts a day or two and you will only spend like a week or two with a bag of ice and eating ice cream so everything gets well as quick as possible.
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>browse lolcow literally everday (please put me out of my misery)
>friend comes over, we get drunk eat wings and she spends the night
>i open /snow/, only place keeping me together during this corona times
>i didnt get to see the sam schitzo thread live as it happened and make adam driver memes with farmers…
Shadman the porn artist transitioned??
Also I’d be disgusted too even if they were nice. It’s unsettling that someone wants something that’s so biologically intrinsic to you.
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In the process apparently.
>sexually abused as a 5year old child, this while my teenage sister was supposed to be taking care of me but she wasn't
>parents had 2 jobs, she was my babysitter
>she would always be in a bad mood, locked in her room with loud music playing ignoring me or just straight up not be at the house at all
>grow up hating her, absolutely hating her, and blaming her for all the abuse and bullying i suffered when it was literally not her fault
>tried to killmyself a few years ago, next day told her straight to her face it was cause of her. she was crying and confused and i was completely gone just shouting that it was all her fault when it wasnt.
>she was also abused when she was a kid
>her boyfriend was murdered when she was very young, so yeah, she indeed was very moody and barely paid attention to me, but it was cause she was depressed and was developing pstd
>i hated her so much. she was very extroverted and i was very introverted. she was very good looking and got a lot of attention and i hated her. i was always the awkward silbing, fatter than her and very quiet. prior to my suicide attempt i become ana chan trying to look skinnier than her. my sister was the first one to notice my and tried multiple times to get help for me and i would tell her to fuck off. I was mental because she had always been the smart one, the pretty one, the friendly one, etc and i felt tossed to the side when it was my own autism
>so autistic… i had never felt loved my family before family therapy. my dad was dead and we hardly knew each other. my mom and i were strangers too. my sister was the only one that, i wasnt close to, but actively tried to get to know me so badly while i pushed her away everytime.
>when i tried to killmyself, again i end up at psych ward for about 3 months. my sister was visiting me, but she had vacations planned with her boyfriend and left city during the first weeks. i didnt care cause i hated her. in family therapy she cried and said she felt so guilty and wasnt having a good time. then, her. boyfriend asked her to marry her. she says yes but keeps it a secret for about a month. saying in family therapy, that she felt so guilty because she loved him and wanted to get married, but that she didnt want to get attention away from what i was going through.
>got diagnosed bipolar disorder and started meds, kept family therapy going. anyways, by the time im 20 im in good terms
>now 23, good relationship with her, one of the people i trust the most now and respect and love
>literally do not understand how i was so mentally unstable i blamed everything on my older sister and not on my abuser
>start looking back on it today, and got sad that i was an absolute asshole to the only person that showed me love or care. again, she did had rough years cause of her boyfriend but after that she was always behind me trying to help me
>i love my sister anons, i really do. i feel so bad for what happened. she is an actual angel for all the love and support she tried to give me and now is giving me. i wish i had seen the error in my ways so much earlier…
All you have is the present, anon. Put in the effort to express your love to her. :) If you know her love language, that's even better. Either way, write her a card, buy her some flowers, invite her over for dinner, bake her some cookies, take her (web)shopping, offer to help her with something. Anything, just don't think too much about it, that you end up doing nothing at all. Maybe you didn't want to hear this, but it was worth a shot. The people we love can be gone so soon. If you feel love for someone, don't hesitate to express it. Good luck with everything, anon
this is how i feel browsing this website while knowing about the onision threads.
sorry about your pollution though anon that is seriously unfortunate.
My god I should've seen this coming when he suddenly got into drawing that weird femboy trap porn. The last stages of terminal coomerism is trooning out. Man, just going to love
how people who don't know about him are going to assume that he's a woman and use him as an example of degenerate female pedos! But keep telling terves they're overreacting.
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i'm so fucking tired of how the cold and dry winter air is wrecking my skin. everytime i take a shower i break out in red itchy hives that look disgusting. even if i moisturize with both an oil on damp skin and then a heavy duty moisturiser on top i'm still dry and ashy and there'll be random red splotches on my skin like an allergic reaction fuck
something that has worked for me was to only befriend men who already had other close female friends. (Either from their closest friend groups or friends from childhood.)
If I seem to be the only woman on the dude's social radar, I make it a point not to befriend them. The chances of them dumping me like >>727666
or falsely catching feelings because "oh she listens to me, it's love" drop dramaticallyIt doesn't necessarily work all the time but (blog) the very few dude friends I made in the past few years with that criteria in mind are some of my best friends now
even then it probably means she noticed her bf thirsting.
a lot of my former male 'friends' stopped hanging out w/ me bc of this, they all thought i was hotter than their gfs and the gfs got jealous, which i dont blame them for, i know im rly attractive
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>Waiting for the day people finally stop whining over shitty OPs instead of making one themselves
I've never made one either, but I don't act high and mighty if one isn't good when I'm too lazy to make it myself. There are few times where the complaining is actually deserved imo
>>727786>I can't make it about me
Yes you can. Suicide baiting isn't normal and it's affecting your emotional well-being. His actions have you feeling bad and crying. There's nothing wrong with telling him that you can't handle his thoughts about suicide and that he should seek professional help. If he still brings it up after that, threaten to call medical services because you can't be sure if he's serious or not anymore.
Needless to say, most men who bait about suicide to their girlfriends aren't actually going to do anything. They just want your fussing over them and emotional labor. No offense anon but you're biting the carrot here. Pull back a bit and see if he'll approach you like old times again when he realizes you won't stick around for bullshit.>>727781>imagine being poor>IN AMERICA
Lmao they can't even afford healthcare, chill.
Also, it's not the first time I see this exact post, "oh poor people vent about being poor? On the internet?" What's the problem and why is it a taboo topic? It's an anonymous site, it's a place to vent, people here talk about everything
that happens in their lives.
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Man I fucking hate munchies so much. Used to watch her videos a lot about sewing and crocheting, but she turned into an insufferable munchie. She has a story highlight about making your home more accessible and I swear to fucking god, nearly everything she or her orbiters list are things that I also experience, like a normal person does. She's overstretching her joints when she tries to reach her short charger cable? Sitting for 45 min in one position hurts her joints? Reading printed things with high contrast hurt her eyes when she does it for too long? Either way I'm also disabled as fuck and just don't know it or these people are genuinely exaggerating every little thing that hurts, ouchie my severely disabled body! - Fuck you, living HURTS because we're slowly disintegrating lumps of flesh and cells!
But especially this one is taking the piss out of me. Poor "proprioception"? For fucks sake you are CLUMSY, nothing else but of course they need to name it in a medical way, because else it wouldn't be another ~diagnosis~ they have.
I do believe that people can be sick and disabled and everything, even when you don't see it, but sometimes…
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I just saw a video of a Russian ww2 vet tell stories of the mass woman rape the Soviets committed. I watched it in full, and even though I knew this happened, seeing it confirmed by someone who was there, describing it in great detail… I seriously don't know how I, or most women, are supposed to keep living as a woman, let alone a heterosexual one. Yes, lesbians are far from priveliged, but I just don't think I can be with a man anymore, or for a while, at least, when I also know that subconsciously, he would treat me worse than dirt if he didn't have to pay for the consequences. I just can't anymore. They don't know we're people. Why does it have to be like this?
I think I'm done.
Oh Christ is this Annika Victoria? I had to unsubscribe after all her content started being about her numerous mysterious nonspecific disabilities. It's a shame because her channel started out with a cool goal and ethos behind it, and she seemed more down to earth and accessible than other YouTubers.
That being said, I miss the munchie thread so much. Wonder where Robyn is now?
Oh i didnt realise you posted this in the same thread, hah.
Whats also sad is even if the male telephonist refused to let the male officers rape her, the only reason they didnt brutally use her is because the male telephonist told them not to. Only then did they respect that. Goes to show you that war doesn't make men brutes, it just removes males inhibitions. There's a russian phrase "I didn't see your other's leash" that describes this well.
It's a bad joke. Chill.
But if you want to vent about it this is the right thread lol
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So I haven't showered, washed my hair, cleaned my apartment or did the dishes ever since I was fired more than a week ago. I know all the things I SHOULD do - I should start applying for jobs or send in my application for unemployment benefits or I should answer all the unanswered messages that my friends left on my phone…as well the things I listed above, clean stuff - but I just can't bring myself. I've literally just been binging on food and lying in bed and thinking about things. I'm not depressed, I know what depression feels like and this is not it. Depression feels like being stuck in a swamp, you don't have any choice, you just sink. I know I have choices, I just don't feel like doing them.
One thing I could do was to phone my narcissistic mother. I suddenly get a message from her ex-husband - whom she is living with - saying 'Your mother had a car accident'. As soon as I see the message I burst into tears - I might hate her but I'd never want her to die - and I call her. She immediately picks it up to tell me about the accident: a young boy cut in front of her with his scooter and destroyed her windshield but noone got hurt seriously. After the phonecall I spent minutes to figure out what felt off, then I realized that she didn't even address the fact that I cut her off for 4 months before I made this phonecall. When she picked up, it was natural for her that I would listen and she acted as if nothing had happened. I always felt like as if she felt as if I was her left arm or something. Like even if I don't talk to her or if I'm not physically near her she feels as if I was a part of her or something
If not putting a label on what you're experiencing helps anon then by all means don't call it depression. It's just that "depression" can be a spectrum of symptoms and emotions ranging from mild to severe. Reduced performance and social withdrawal is a sign of burnout. That's what it sounds like you have and that is a form of depression. I hope if you do reach a point where you need to ask for help that you feel you can do so. At least it sounds like you've got friends who give a damn if all else fails.
Sorry about your mom. I'm not surprised she didn't bring up your relationship issues though. Narcs are pretty satisfied when the attention is already on themselves and talking about her car accident certainly ensured it was all about her and not you. Plus it got you to speak to her again. You must be a sweet soul to indulge her still, I wouldn't care if my narc died but that's just me.
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When he says that he'll financially support you if it every gets rough since he ~loves you soooo much~, and when you lose your job because rona is pissed off that he actually has to financially support you. Fuck this, im gonna stay at my sisters.
anybody else begin to hyperventilate upon seeing one fictional character extend care and acknowledgement towards another fictional character (you can relate to)? cannot even read a simple comic without crying abruptly, let alone watch a show or movie. it's annoying and i feel like a retard. don't worry, i always excuse myself politely and sob quietly and quickly in a private place without bothering others. i always make sure to return with a smile. but normally i am consuming this media on my own anyway, so it's fine. i am not bothering anyone with it fortunately. doesn't make it any less retarded, though. consciously i'm over nonsense like that. i don't need anyone, relationships don't solve your problems, i need other solutions. and still subconsciously i respond like this, it's annoying. it doesn't even matter how well i am doing. i could be sleeping, eating and working well and still something like that could make everything come flooding back. it's a pain in the bum and completely disorienting. what a mess, i'm ashamed of myself. but again luckily i keep it to myself or write it into the void anonymously. i won't bother anyone, trust me trust me
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im gonna out myself as a terrible but more than anything pathetic person
>be me, awkward lesbian
>meet gf of my dreams at 16, start dating and get a long very well
>she moves in with me when she's 20. im bipolar and not taking care of myself. basically a paranoid lunatic to her scaring her off. i propose to her and she says yes then next month calls the whole thing off
>she cheats on me with a coworker, dumps me at 21
>lose my mind and beg for forgiveness and for her to take my back so long. she's in love and actually gets engaged to her in about three months
>i date a man just cause fuck it
>he's abusive to me but i cant leave the relationship
>relationship lasts a year and a half, he treats me like shit and makes me suicidal but i wont leave him
>ex gf texts me once she breaks up with her gf. i simp out. we flirt for a few days before i say "would you get back with me?" and she goes "would you dump him?" and neither of us really answers
>we exchange nudes and flirt, i cheat on him with my ex yes
>he realizes cause he hacks my social media accounts often so even though i was using burner accounts he eventually finds the conversations
>he dumps me
>she tells me we can be friends with benefits and thats kinda it
>continue flirting with her, its been months, we still flirt with each other and send each other pics but we are not dating
>i want her back so badly
>think about meeting up with her IRL, she actually said she was thinking the same thing too for a while… but ive gained so much weight since we last saw each other and i feel too afraid to do it
>every day i text her simping for my ex gf day dreaming about how happy id be if she loved me still
>too fat and too stupid to be loved, have avoided actually meeting up for two months now
>therapist says this will destroy me emotionally if i dont put an end to it
>i love her so much anons… i just… i love her so much… i wish she would love me back… i wish i hadnt ruined it all those years ago
>i just wish we were still together
>sometimes i have dreams/nightmares about her still
>i just wished she loved me
Anon I always read the opposite which was awful for me because I had a really bad recovery but couldn't find anyone who had a recovery as bad as mine was. Just get the drugs and make sure you don't get addicted. But take enough so that you aren't in pain.
I got all 4 removed at once. Unfortunately my dad didn't let me get more pills when they already weren't dulling the pain enough, so I was in constant pain. Had my dad listened to me it wouldn't have been as bad. I went under full anaesthesia and my dad paid extra money for the best surgeon because one of my teeth were near a nerve.
BUT more people have much better experiences where they describe being high on the pills (compared to me who was constantly in pain) and eating icecream and shakes. My friend got his out with laughing gas and was eating normally within two days. He had little to no pain afterwards. It just depends but you have
to do it or else your teeth are going to shift when they grow in.
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i feel like i'm going to fucking explode. i don't have a therapist right now so sorry for the long post. i'm so tired of my mom's "online boyfriend." i just want to talk to my mom without her bringing up him in EVERY single conversation, every single time it's is he good?? omg he's cheating on me?! omg i hope he isn't!! i feel sooo bad for him he's divorced and his wife didn't give him the secks because their son died but why did she do that awww i love him!!!
he's this ~artist~ who's deep and sends her love songs and tells her she's beautiful and "loves her for her soul" but still asks for nudes 24/7 cus he's so deeeeep
the fact is they've only been talking since fucking january third. they aren't even a "registered thing" nor even know each other that well but my mom is obsessed with spiritual connections and she's convinced that they're going to meet and marry and is in love with him. if he stops talking to her for a day she'll freak the fuck out and start crying and i'll have to calm her down. she convinced me that he was cheating on her and she was like I FUCKING HATE HIMMM (which i'm definitely sure he's talking to other women, but they've only been talking for a fucking month so ok) and i was like "please just break up with him you're so stressed out." she was convinced she was going to rat him out the next time they were going to talk and end it.. welp oops they had phone sex instead. thanks for keeping me up all night to rant to me just to hear you guys loudly do it on skype or whatever in the next room mom love you too. i know you were just assaulted and still traumatized but let me tell you about our intense phone sex life the next morning too exx deeee hehe !!
literally EVERY single conversation is her asking me to tell her if he's good or not. it's always about him him him and i'm so fucking tired. i know it sounds so easy to tell her to shut the fuck up about this but she is my mom and i care for her and i WISH i could just let her do what she wants but until i can leave/covid ends i can't. also it's her life, i know i can't tell her what to do but seeing her slowly dunk herself further into this is very depressing.
if i even say something like "please stop talking about this i'm tired" she will get so upset and accuse me of not caring for her. BITCH you have a FUCKING THERAPIST AND I DON'T. USE WHAT YOU GOT AND NOT ON A RANDOM TRAUMATIZED STUDENT PLEASE. big thanks to her hippy pickme friends to encouraging this ~spiritual connection~ shit as if they haven't all been divorced 15 times. also she keeps talking about bringing him to my family's childhood home.. i told her please fucking no i don't want beautiful memories to be replaced by this gross old scrote and she got upset and joked about how she wasn't going to talk to me if i was going to be mean to him. i am living in the fucking twilight zone, anons. ow.
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My job is making me suicidal. I only decided to go with this job because of the pandemic and I'm barely 8 months in and I wish a car would hit me every time I pull in. I'm overworked, underpaid and burnt out. When I caught covid, my managers shamed me and refused to compensate me. I get frequent panic attacks and the one manager who I thought was cool gets annoyed with me now and ignores me until I make a simple mistake.
I found a potential job that would pay more and it's something I like doing but I hate how guilty I feel for wanting to quit my current job. Why can't I stop feeling like this?
I'm trying to get the courage to tell them I'm putting in my two weeks this Friday. My mental health is more important than this shit job. Wish me luck ladies
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I honestly just hate American poorfags who don't realize how good they have it, especially in this pandemic era.
If you are able to afford a roof over your head, feed yourself, pay your essential bills, and still have some money left over each month, kindly STFU.
If you are below this level of security, feel free to bitch away, but too many "poor" people basically just consider themselves downtrodden because they can't afford to pay outright for a new PS5 and I guess that's like a war crime or something.
Is this me?
I feel like I am eating loads and trying my hardest, but somehow my weight is getting lower
I feel so easily tired
I feel you anon, sorry I don't know what will help
Anon, it's just a twitter post. Also I hope you realize>If you are able to afford a roof over your head, feed yourself, pay your essential bills, and still have some money left over
is not a luxury most poor people in America have. This isn't the damn poverty olympics lmao
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Whatever mudhut you're posting from where you consider shelter, food, and the ability to pay bills luxuries that nullify a person's authority to dislike their situation, I truly pity you. The reality is those are the bare minimums for every human being.
The truth is most people want the financial freedom to pursue their creative and individualistic desires, and yes, have fun. Instead of dedicating their lives to being automatons who eat, sleep, and go to work and do nothing else because they can't afford to do anything else.
Raise your standards for yourself and your fellow man. No one deserves to be so exploited that they've gotta feel grateful for a shack and some food so they won't outright die.
I hope this doesn't come off as too gendercrit and get me banned lol but I have absolutely no one to talk to about this and I'm struggling. My brother came out as trans and I'm having such a hard time with it - I mean I can't even call him my "sister", it's too weird. And it makes me feel like garbage, because we had such a good relationship before he came out and started transitioning and now I'm just so uncomfortable and I think he's catching on. I was supportive before it was "official"and I feel like an absolute hypocrite, especially because in general I've always been really accepting of trans people and now everything just feels so off, it's too close to me you know? It's weird, it's weird seeing my brother in dresses and hearing him speak in this tinny voice and seeing him wear fake tits and makeup. I'm and embarrassed. I haven't even been able to call him by his new name, it feels forced and awkward. I don't know, it just all happened very quickly and I haven't been able to process it and I don't know when/if I will. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel because all my friends are super progressive and I don't want people angry at me for being transphobic, up until this point I'd never felt this way. It just feels like my brother is playing awkward, sexualized adult dress-up. Not to mention that since this transition, I feel like his mental health has taken a huge hit - he's always been pretty organized, had his shit together, took care of himself - but the last time I visited his house it was disgusting. I mean like, spills and stains dried up on all the cupboards of the kitchen, dirty rags and a filthy bathroom (I don't mean just general clutter, I mean dirt and stains that have built up over months), even a ripped condom wrapper on the ground like? You know your sister is coming over and you can't be bothered to pick up even a little? It was disgusting, and it was so radically different than how he normally is that I can't help but think they're related. There's more I could talk about but I'm nervous about outing myself, I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should be trying to come to terms with this or if I'm just going to spend to the rest of my life distancing myself more and more.
I know, that anon made it seem like most poor people can do those things though. That's why I said that. Also, "some money left over" may still not be a lot, so I feel like having a little cash left over doesn't mean that person isn't poor
I don't mean to shit on anons vent btw, I just hate this whole "your struggle isn't real unless it's the same as my struggle!" mentality that so many people have. Someone having a lil more money than you doesn't mean they're not poor. Sure, their situation may suck a little less, but they're still going through it, y'know? Like I said, this isn't the poverty olympics.
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I fucking hate dogs.
I hate the stupid golden retriever “doggerino” videos I see on Youtube, the ones made by Tucker Budzyn and the baby talk and just imagining the faux meat pet food steamy hot breath through my unfortunate screen.
Dogs bark, smell, are creepy as shit and honestly reminds me of mindless scrote behavior because they’re highly invasive and sometimes the little breeds are unnecessarily aggressive.
Cats actually clean themselves, can be very smart, eccentric, mostly quiet, curious creatures, and I hate that people think just because cats don’t give a single fuck about their owner power fantasy over some domesticated animal that they have for their loyal dog means they would let their owner get burned in some fire or get robbed lmao, because yes all dogs would save their stupid owner from some homely burglar
tl;dr government ban on all dogs please and all “pupperino I love pizza!!!! I love doggies awwww doggies!!” personality needs to fizzle out(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Maybe you could try putting lemon juice or unseasoned rice in it? I've done the lemon juice trick before in pasta and it worked (obviously it was a little lemony though), idk how it'll taste in stir fry. it shouldn't come through too much with all the other flavors though>>728305
We literally have a doghate thread. Take this shit there
I'm sorry anon, you're in a really stressful position. >It just feels like my brother is playing awkward, sexualized adult dress-up.
Considering people transition either because of extreme dysophoria or (mostly in the case of TiMs) because of persistent paraphilia and neither of those situations are mentally healthy, you're probably not far off. It's tough because you can't force him to change back or see reason, but if you want to try reaching him the most you can do is be supportive but not accepting, if that makes sense. I don't know how close you are but you could always reach out to him in a way that focuses on his mental health rather than the transition itself, noting the things you mentioned here. "Hey, I've noticed you don't seem to be taking very good care of yourself, your house is consistently dirty where it wasn't before, etc. I'm worried about you and I'm wondering how you're doing. You seem depressed to me. Have you sought any professional support?" Maybe be careful with the therapists because some of them are pushing the trans wagon now, but you could also gently inquire about that. Ask him why he decided to transition, why he feels like a woman/what is a woman to him, and why he feels he needs to change his body and appearance to do these things. Trans people generally have a very shallow concept of what being a "woman" or "man" is based on gender stereotypes, but of course being a woman is so much more than the frankly insulting concept that all we do is wear dresses, use makeup and gossip. If you know his reasons you can explain why you don't agree with his conclusions and perhaps get him thinking about whether it's really necessary or not. Again, none of this is your responsibility so I don't want you to feel like you have to save him or anything. Ultimately creating distance may be the only thing you can do to protect yourself and your own mental well being, but if you want to try to reach out to him the path of gentle questioning is likely the way to go. And it may take him some time to break out of it, if he does. Here are some pages that may help you phrase things better or act as resources you can refer him to if he seems open to it -
>Transitioning likely won't make him feel betterhttps://www.heritage.org/gender/commentary/new-york-times-reveals-painful-truths-about-sex-change-surgery>Sex is not the same as gender, believing transitioning "makes you a woman" is misguidedhttps://thenewbacklash.blogspot.com>How to support someone caught up in gender ideology (written for conspiracy theorists but same ideas)https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/16188/ways-to-help-if-your-loved-ones-are-caught-up-in-gender-ideology
I mean, it's the vent thread. Anons post dark stuff here all the time. Just look at >>727710
Healthcare is among the bills I mentioned paying. Sorry, should have clarified that.>>728266
I was not saying this in reference to the Twitter post. I only posted the Twitter post because I thouvht it was cute and funny, not because it's relevant to mt post on any way.
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>just get into a relationship, first one at 23
>guy is nice, i don’t think we’re compatible long term however we have a lot in common and live near each other so i’m willing to see where this goes
>barely text him back on time, realize that he’s really normal and kind and that i’m too unhinged for a relationship
>also scared to bring up sexual assault stuff when we inevitably start having sex, he’s touchy and physical which i don’t mind but at the same time it sends me into fight or flight
i’m just scared that he’s gonna peace out of i ever mention the sexual assault, which i think is something i have to do because i act so off when he touches me. ngl i threw myself into this because i want to and have to start dating, at the same time i feel bad for dragging someone into my life and mental issues. also i just suck. i suck at relationships, my mom begs me to return her texts but i just can’t be brought to speak to others most days. i’m looking at the texts he sent me today feeling too drained to reply,
I work with a girl who has been blatantly skinwalking me and i can't figure out why it feels so violating.
the skin walking goes beyond inspiration. she sees specific items that I have, I guess searches online for something exactly like it, and then shows up to work in an entire coordination of mine, down to very specific and unique items. I can't explain why this is so disturbing to me but it IS.
there's no non-douchey way to say ~i have a unique style~ so I'm just gonna put it bluntly. growing up my parents were neglectful and I had nothing but ugly falling apart clothes that were too small or too big. I literally had to tape or sew several pairs of pants together etc. I never had the more expensive subcultural clothes that other alt kids, or anyone, and I would hand-sew modifications to what I had to try and make something "cool" instead of ragged and white trash. I have gotten a lot of clothes from the trash or the ground, literally some gimpgirl shit at 11 years old. I lived vicariously through fashion in movies, runway shows, internet fashion (then just blooming in 2006; I'm 28), vintage, and cultivated a unique dress sense from these influences and other deeply personal influences like older women in my family who have passed things down to me, and had unique dress choices themselves whether due to religion (pentecostal) or, um, like many of us with gen x parents, my mom is an old tradgoth.
once I was financially independent at 18 I could afford to have clothes that were pretty and not taped together and over the years I experimented, took risks, developed my own authentic look based on a blend of long term deeply personal influences. why can't she just be influenced by her own things like everyone else? why does she have to embarrass me by changing her entire wardrobe to mine and even wearing my exact outfits to work?
like….extremely specific items. items that she did not have before I wore them around her. items that, presumably, she saw on me and then I guess searched the fuck out of depop and ebay until she found a replica, down to the color, down to the cuts, the fabric material, and then waited for them to arrive in the mail, etc…for some reason the thought is so creepy.
my first impressions of her were of her gushing superficially over my clothes (while cute, almost everything is thrifted or handed down, I don't tend to buy fast fashion and can't afford real vintage). I wore a forest green landscaper raincoat once and she told me she was "literally jealous" of it. the next week she showed up in a coat of the exact material and color. I don't even know how she found the shade so perfectly. it was uncanny. slowly over the weeks her style began shifting from basic southern kweer hipster in jeans and docs and button ups. suddenly she's wearing an uncanny replica of my black velvet maxi skirt, that was given to me by a close co-worker and had belonged to his beloved dead mother, and she's wearing it with the things I wore with mine. I wear a lot of repeating colors; for example, red tights with a red skirt, blue tights with a blue dress, etc. I wore a pastel olive blouse with a darker olive floral skirt and a week later she wore the same outfit down to the shades of olive, how did she even FIND THAT SHIT SO FAST?
I always joked to my bf that her imitations always failed because she couldn't figure out to wear tights with her skirts. unfortunately she has finally figured that out. and not only is she wearing tights now, she is wearing red-tights-with-that-bodycon black maxi skirt with a high side split, yes anons reading this far, you already know…the EXACT items I wear all the time. the EXACT combination of items and it was downright striking. where did she even find a skirt in that cut so fast? the black blouse with red roses was also suspiciously like a blouse I have (black with red roses) but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on that one…
trust me, I know it's a petty thing to even care about and I'm trying really hard not to care. I'm not the only bitch who wears black velvet and floral and colored tights and long skirts. I don't "own" any of these elements on their own. I feel really retarded about all this and that's why I'm venting here instead of talking to anyone irl. people have real problems in the world. fuck, I have real problems in my world. I wish I didn't care, anons. it's just so creepy. am I also a justified in feeling hurt and disturbed and embarrassed? I feel kind of gaslit in a way. like I know that I have no right to claim these things but they feel like a product of careful intention and love, my love for fabrics and patterns and silhouettes, what it took for me to have what I have, taking risks on things before they were in mainstream wear, the fact that I can coordinate things so beautifully for a girl who grew up with raggedy taped pants and trashcan clothes, idk it's just so sad to see that someone can bypass all that and rip me off and then rub it in my face by wearing it in front of me and everyone we work with, maybe I'm just a retard but it feels violating. especially because she isn't even interesting and she isn't even nice to me! she's annoying as fuck, condescending..
are there any anons who know how I feel?
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Balding anon here, I was supposed to do hormone blood tests on the 3rd day of my period but my 3rd day was on sunday and I couldn't do it anywhere, I'm losing my fucking mind
>>728366>48 kg 160 cm
I highly doubt you’re fat. Your BMI is in the normal and low range.
Maybe you have a round face. I I have a low BMI and I have chubby cheeks too but people don’t call me fat. Your parents sound like dicks.
I lived with my sister in law for six months when I was 22. She would physically assault me by grabbing my hair, ripping my clothes off, punching me, slapping me, pinning me down, pushing me, etc. She would scream in my face all the time. She would call me names and tell me how everyone thought I was a failure, they hated me, that no one viewed me as an adult. That I was ugly, fat, a whore, that I was pathetic, etc. She would constantly lock me out of the house and refuse to let me in and sometimes I'd have to sleep outside because she lived In a state where I didn't know anyone and had no other family around. She sometimes would deprive me of sleep but putting music at max volume and screaming at me or beat me if I fell asleep because I was being useless by doing that. Would this be classified as abuse even though I was an adult? I only moved in with her because she made a bunch of promises of how she could help my life because my abusive ex finally was put in jail and I was homeless and she was super sweet before this. My brother was deployed and refused to believe she did any of this. I just am wondering if this is abuse? I've never talked to anyone about this but it's been bugging me a lot lately.
Oh anon… she is definitely abusive
, both physically and mentally. I'm so sorry you went through this, what a fucking toxic
That must have been traumatic af, especially after an already abusive
relationship. Hope you're in a better place now and cut all contact with her.
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I might be stupid but my bf send me pic rel yesterday with "that's just like us!" caption and I'm still upset with this clearly more boring and forgettable female duck being "just like me" lmao
I did say I might be stupid!>>728509
one would think a duck can't be a farmer but look at me now
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I have a cute, tall normie crush
and we finally started getting close and hanging out everyday during December. He was a really cool guy and I was super happy til he started liking k-pop and kdrama because of his other friend. I've been over k-shit for a long time and have loathed it eversince. I'm worried he'd get addicted and wouldn't want to hang out anymore (because he'd prefer the kpop friend over me lmao)
. Turns out I was right. He stopped talking to me daily like we used to and whenever I do try talking, It just falls short and he obviously finds me boring now. I don't want to force him to hang out with me because it's not my right to at all. It's been days since we've spoken to one another. I'm trying my best not to be too sad about this kek. But it's hard at times. I miss him.
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I’m playing a game called: is it bronchitis, the flu, advanced allergies or COVID-19?
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Kinda random but:
I hate that the nickname Bean goes hand in hand with cringe.
My BF calls me Bean and I think it's a really cute nickname but I can't even tell people because they will think I belong to the uwu smol bean~ crowd.
I may be small and I may like to be called Bean, but I'm not some uwu Fandom kin whatever.
I'm just a fucking normal Bean.
I would say to the normie it's way too edgy
And to the image board user it's ultra cringy
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Just got a call from the "official" BPD department and they told me I don't actually classify for the diagnosis because I don't have the habit to act out on my anger and that I'm a tad bit too self-aware, despite me getting it years ago at the psych clinic I used to go to.
I'm so incredibly confused now because I was so happy to get the diagnosis so I would know what the fuck is wrong with me and finally get some help (which they took a long while to do because I never learned there is a specific department at the hospital that specializes in BPD treatment and research until last year). I feel so lost now because I feel I don't know who I am, I just want help and get some specific answer to what is wrong with my head. I just want to help to live like a normal person. I want the suicide attempts to stop. I want the self harm to stop. I want to be able to feel stable in my relationships. I want the voices to stop.
I think if he dies I'll have a hard time pretending to care about it to my dad. That might be my breaking point.
I'm worried that my dad just won't believe me but I told my first bf about this 12 years ago so he can go ask him. My life has been one big textbook reaction to trauma but I still don't feel I'll be believed.
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This is bullshit, are they using it as an excuse to stop treating you? Is the department too stretched? I'm so sorry anon. I'm much like you, I don't fit many typical BPD symptoms, so I got diagnosed with "EUPD traits" instead. Still on a specialist BPD programme on the NHS to manage my trauma and self esteem, self destruction etc.
Don't let them fob you off. Phone and ask for a second opinion, ask for a referral to where they think you're better suited, ask for an assessment, bother them a lot. I know it's hard to fight for yourself when you feel like this but you deserve better, anon. You are going to have to trust me on that one. Chase them up the way you would for a poorly loved one.
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I had UPS pack and ship my PC and they packed it upside down and shattered the glass side of the case. I even paid for insurance and everything with them. They never came to inspect the damages and every time I try to call and ask about it they ignore me and say nothing can be done. When I call management they literally hang up on me or say that they'll come inspect the damage but never do. My fucking video card broke and glass keeps getting caught in the fans. When I talked to the guy who packed it he just went "Oooooohhhhhhhh…" and had me talk to someone else about it.
PLEASE take the time to read this. I know it's long but I really really need to hear a second opinion. I was going to put this in advice but it became so long I am posting it here. I am going to use pseudonyms to make the story somewhat understandable.
I am acquainted with the members of an internet friend group. Some time ago, I introduced a person from outside of the friend group, John, to one of the members I was closest to, Peter, because I liked John and figured the two would get along. John was someone I had only met that year. Peter was someone I knew for a few years, felt really close to and had supported through a lot of hardships. John ended up touching me and using my body sexually against my will on numerous occasions. Finally I managed to put an end to my relationship with John. Maybe a month or two after this I discovered John and Peter were still friends and talked amicably often. When I asked Peter to please stop talking with John, he didn't see why I was making such a big deal out of it and defended John. What John did to me was very traumatising. I was still a young teenager, he was older, and he took my first kiss which I was saving, he touched my private parts with his hands or penis, and did so when I said no or showed my discomfort and unwillingness otherwise. He took advantage of my vulnerability and how much I trusted him. Because this happened so recently at the time, I was really confused and sad. I was hurt that my friend of so long who I always supported and who I thought was there for me would still talk to a person who did that to me. I made an effort to explain to Peter why it was "such a big deal" as thoroughly as possible, so I would be taken seriously. I just wanted to get my friend back. I was very hurt and vulnerable at the time, which is why I acted so pathetically. During all of this, I was obviously talking to other members of the friend group as well, such as Matthew. Matthew, Peter and Simon– who is Matthew's partner/spoiled baby –called almost daily. I was not involved in these calls (nothing I was mad about, just saying it for context). I expressed to Matthew how hurt I was about Peter's betrayal. They were somewhat apathetic. I didn't understand. Weren't they shocked too? Weren't they disgusted by the fact that their friend would talk to someone who treated their other friend like that? I expressed my feelings to Simon. Simon understood and agreed with me, but said that that's just how Peter is and left it at that. Nothing more. No consequences, no ostracisation. I lost two friends in a row, was hurt and betrayed, and the other supposed friends could not even tell Peter "hey, it isn't cool to befriend the person who sexually hurt our long-time friend". Am I wrong for having wanted this? Because instead, I was left in the dust. John gained a new friend, and I lost a few. I lost a lot of respect for Peter and Matthew then. More months passed. Simon was silent towards me, Matthew did all of the talking for them, and the rest was just the same. I ended up making the right decision of deleting my account and moving on. I have no interest in these people anymore. Matthew sometimes contacted me on another platform, but I only responded when I was bored.
One of those occasions, Matthew told me Simon missed me and regretted how silent they were towards me before. They were going to put in more effort. Since I was really apathetic towards all of them, I decided to throw them a bone and give it a chance. Essentially off the get-go, Simon was the distant, flakey, immature, memepressed person of before. They still behaved the exact way they said they wouldn't. But because I would want to be treated like this myself, I supported them through it all with as much sincerity as possible. There was barely any dialogue however, but I tolerate it. I don't mean to seem like a savior, it just began to feel like I was being used like a rag eventually. Only helping others whilst being neglected and ignored myself. Despite my best efforts, I began to feel uncomfortable again, knowing that the friend group still existed and that Simon was a part of it. I explained to Simon that I was reluctant to chat with them because of all that had happened and I felt betrayed by all of them for their complacency. Despite my honest attempts to just be a good friend and leave the past in the past, talking to Simon made me feel so exhausted and viscerally horrible. "I'll keep it in mind", they responded, and that was the end of the conversation. More dealing with constant silence and having to fix their issues, whilst they were surrounded by the support of Matthew and Peter simultaneously, ensued. I apologise for complaining. I am trying not to, but it comes out like that. They're just very exhausting and I hate talking to them, but I want to be a good friend and try to ignore it as much as possible. I have put in less effort in my messages already, but still… This inner battle between hating talking to them so so so much and hating what happened versus wanting to be a good, mature friend, is why I come here for advice.
Would it be immature to be completely honest and open and "demand" some change, or should I do what I have started doing, which is slowly distancing myself whilst focusing on other things, as I did with Matthew and Peter, even if it is difficult?
Sorry for the long read, but I need my farmers for this one.
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I hate incels for spreading this myth about mentally ill/autistic/otherwise disenfranchised women having it easier than men because apparently more people want to "take care" of them, which is bullshit (at least in my case). They also claim that men want to take care of "poor women that lost at life" and men have it worse because women will never want "weak men", which is also bullshit. If you're a mentally ill/autistic loser neet you may attract a narc or other toxic/abusive guy because you're an easy prey, vulnerable and lost, but a normal man will NEVER want to "take care of you", for the same reason why normies won't want to befriend you. Normal men want someone on their level, not someone who can't even fucking take care of themselves and constantly skips showers and meals and lives like a hermit. Normal (functioning) people want to be surrouned by other normal, functioning people, and that's just a fact. No one normal is "fascinated" by your fucking autism and your wast knowledge about some niche topic no one fucking cares about. Misery likes company. Healthy people don't want the misery people like me bring, and that's natural for them, and that's nothing you can blame anyone for. Yeah, I had daydreams about some kind, strong and patient guy "saving me" and "taking care of me" and helping me to stand on my own feet and making me more normal, but things like this don't fucking happen in real life. Nobody fucking cares about you. You're alone in this world and if you won't take care of yourself, no one will. And if you can't take care of yourself and improve, you have to accept the fact that you will die alone.
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I skimmed but anon the answer is obvious here.
Why are you still associating with these men who see you being sexually assaulted as a triviality? You seem to be putting in all your time and emotional labour into scrotes who, like you said, see you as a rag and are only telling you they feel a little bad about it when they see you drifting away so they can drag you back in
You're so invested in the approval of these males who see you as not worth even considering the most basic feelings of that you're probably not going to take any advice you get here until more damage has been done, but you need to just cut these men off. Its not worth the intense time, worry and effort you're putting into it when you could be working on resolving your own trauma, healing and getting on with your life with new friends who actually care about you
TL;DR: stop talking to them forever
Thank you anon. I did not really want to be specific, but Simon is a girl, which is why I wanted to give her a chance. I sympathise with her and don't want her to get hurt like I was. I needed someone then, so I want to be there for her! But you are right, I should cut ties. This is stupid but I really keep making bad decisions when it comes down to this, so should I say something before or just delete? And thank you for making me not feel crazy about feeling so horrible about what happened. I really felt like I was overreacting. >>728796
Thank you, and I'm sorry. I am really working on it. I tried therapy (EMDR even), but it is not for me. I am working on it myself though with books written about the topic etc. Thank you for your concern, you are lovely.
No need to apologize, you have so much worth and love to give to people who are worthy to receive it. You deserve better than what you've been given, and I hope that you can find peace.
Therapy isn't for everyone, but sometimes it's helpful to have someone to open up to without the expectation of giving that same courtesy back. I believe in you, anon. ♥
Anon cut them the fuck off. Do not even give them the decency of slowly distancing yourself. Ghost the fuckers. I'm honestly annoyed reading your vent and seeing you continue to bend over backwards for these people. Being a "good friend" does not mean exhausting yourself for the sake of others, keeping yourself in a friend group that constantly makes you uncomfortable, and just putting up with people who honestly sound like they don't give a rat's ass about you. Do you honestly think they're going to change? Do you think they care about you enough to change their behavior when they clearly have never seemed to care enough before?
>Matthew told me Simon missed me and regretted how silent they were towards me before. They were going to put in more effort.
Then you say they go on to NOT do put in any more effort? They don't miss you, they just know they're wrong to defend an abuser and want to feel as if by being your friend again, it takes the guilt off of them.
You need to get the fuck away from these people. They do not care about you, plain and simple. Find some new friends, there will be plenty of people out there who WILL support you and will not tolerate a sexual abuser being in the friend group. You need to find those people. Friends should not exhaust you or make you uncomfortable. You are not there to play mommy/therapist and fix their issues. Good friendships are a two way street with plenty of communication and genuine concern for one another, not whatever the fuck you've got going on with those losers. If they come crawling back to you again with their "we regret how we treated you" they can take that pitiful excuse for an apology and shove it down their urethra. Ghost them and do not look back, you deserve better than this anon.
The last guy that I dated had quite the track record of dating mentally ill women (esp ones with a history of csa) and of course he went from being charming to abusive
. Fair enough, learnt my lesson there! but the worst part is my dad still talks about how good I had it while dating that guy ?
I told my dad this man beat me twice (I left out the pushy sex stuff to save him those gross details like his anal obsession) but he cheated and he drank and he regularly raged out and played mind games. So thanks dad, first your relative sexually abused me under your nose as a kid and now as an adult I can actually voice when abuse happens to me.. but I hear crickets when I open up about it. Men aren't looking out for us. Men claiming to want to help you are feeding you a crock of shit usually. Staying single til you show a good deal of improvement seems smarter than dating with a mental illness.
Don't open up to men about your sexual abuse or your low moods, the day will come where they use that info against you, and that'll fuck you up even worse.
I can sympathise with wanting to help her get out, but if she's as knee deep in the bullshit as it seems, she isn't going to see anything wrong with how these men act no matter how much you try. if she ever stops drinking the koolaid its likely to be on her own
Imo just cut off and go. Block, mute etc. Because these people will just use whatever reason you give to try and muster up a fake apologyand promise of change to reel you back in for another chance
For the sake of your own sanity completely cut them out and leave them in the past. Theres no need for courtesy when they haven't shown you an ounce of human decency
Hope things get better for you anon
Anon of the vent >>728785
Men really are like this, aren't they? Disgusting, you deserve better.
I'm not sure what else to do with these thoughts but vent. I'm sorry it sounds like a disaster, but I am so upset. also sorry that I've vented about this before but I can never feel better about it it seems..
I really, really hate my body. I feel terrible about the way I look in every mirror and picture. I try taking pictures of myself in different mirrors because I can't grasp what it is I hate so much (and I'm trying to dress better and blend in). It just makes me feel worse and not understand anyway. I am not overweight but I don't look the way anyone should. I'm 5'8 which would be nice if I were thin and lanky but I don't think I am. My hips are about 39" I think and it looks weirdly wide because my waist doesn't look small. I wish at least if I were that way I had smaller hips or waist. My waist measures to about 29" but it doesn't look right at all, it looks like I don't have a thin waist and my thighs are weirdly shaped too where they widen at the top. So I hate wearing pants and even though I wish I could wear pants, I'm considering just going to skirts. I wish my body weren't so wide, because I have a small head in comparison so I look like a pinhead with a weird, oversized baby shaped body because I have small breasts too and 0% cleavage. My chest looks bony on top and my belly seems wide even though it's supposedly not, I guess it's the way the flesh is shaped in front. Going down from my legs to my feet it gets thinner and my feet look like tiny little fish fins. I know I should just stop caring or something but I'm trying to dress better than I do yet everything is bad so I can't figure out what is right. Even if the measurements sound ok to you, I swear it looks so fucking weird, I've never seen a body like this. It's really like a strange oversized baby thing and being tall-ish makes it worse because of pinhead. I can't even figure out my true "Body type" because I don't have the exaggerated looking waist of pears, or look of hourglass, or even the proper evenness for rectangle because of my weird wide hips. So I can't even figure out what to wear to fix this.
I am trying so hard to change my wardrobe, or to find something in it where I can feel okay, but even if I do feel okay I later see something wrong with my body in the outfit and feel terrible I ever wore it. I seriously feel like a freak. When my mom tries to say my body is nice I swear she is lying or deluding herself to feel better about her creation. I will never look like any woman I see and even when I think of losing weight it doesn't matter because it's the essential shape of me that will never change since I'm already a normal weight. Last I checked I think I'm 138 lbs which is ok for my height but it just looks terrible. If I lost I might look like a skeleton because you can already see my chest bones and rib cage even though I look wide. I would still look wrongly proportioned because of my waist and hips and thighs. I just want to wear normal clothes to blend in but everything makes my freakishness stand out. Also I posted before to kibbe subreddit and they typed me dramatic but those are supposed to be thin and elegant, I think they just said that because of my height and angularity but it still doesnt look right
Kinda feel this, I'm fat in places that make me look misshapen and I know unless I go on a miserly anachan diet for the rest of my life that it will never go away. I know people don't really like me because of how my body looks.
I also had the misfortune of looking like a stereotypical mean girl bully.
But you know what helped me cope anon? Changing the things I know I can control in the now (ie. wearing clothes that form silhouette like skirts and peplum tops) and forgetting about shit I can't realistically change even with thousands blown into plastic surgery. Doing the best you can and telling yourself you are until you believe it will do wonders for your mental health.
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Bf tried to tell me his friend DOESN'T want to fuck him after she continuously uses <3 emojis any time she talks to him and tries to be his fucking "mother" controlling his life and shit despite her being married and having her own boring husband she can tease.
now I'm pissed and I know it's not his fault but even when we first started dating he had a hard time telling her no because he's so oblivious/friendly to everything and it bothered me how she would belittle me for being younger, even "jokingly". 30 year old acting like a 50 year old, not my fault you're dull and a homebody.
anyways, now I'm gonna go masturbate to men jerking off in public because it makes me feel better secretly. Men are such trash they can't even wait to get home before busting and it's hilarious how fucking stupid and low self control, and weak they are. Am I being petty, absolutely. Take that heart emoji and shove it Beth.
inb4 anon ur so insecure. yeah yeah. I'm not even gonna read the replies to this because everyone's gonna be shitty, it happened when I vented about it elsewhere too
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I sorta get the point but the "ok in hentai not in yaoi" such double standard lmao and of course that's a troon who post that
> i don't want to kinkshame rape fetish in my hentai uwu
> rape is so unhealty if in bl
dunno if I should've posted this in the fujo thread sorry
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redpill her on kinkshaming and how based it is
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Reading BL for the first time in many years and all these shitty tropes reminded me of all this fucking bullshit I myself went through and now wish to yell about. I apologise already.
1. Spend 4 years around middle school in this touchy feely, 2nd base tier relationshit with a cute girl who was new to the school. Basically lived at my house at one point, we would spoon kiss. I beat up her bullies, had a good relationship with her super religious parents even. Then she started acting like I was digusting, couldn't open up to any of our friends bc she wasn't out and everyone knew I was heavily into girls. She started talking and seeing some old ass guys, and suddenly I was just chopped liver. She moved to another city the summer after that and I was in bits, felt betrayed and used. Confessed to a friend during a high school math class because I felt like I was going to burst out crying, it was wildly dramatic. She's now married with kids but I heard she had at least one girlfriend type of deal before me, so hehe fuck me?
2. Was very close friends with a supposedly gay dude, he wanted to always hang, joked about us being engaged, how we should have kids because we're both talented in our field of work and his mom and sister love me. I genuinely feel like I just am shit at knowing friendship boundaries so I just that's cute, but he's gay, it's just jokes. At a party, he drunkenly explains to all our friends how he would like to fuck me and how my gf at the time was too ugly for me and boring. She was neither of those things, this dude just hated every female friend or girl I dated, should have noticed it before. He would go on dates, fuck around with guys but the second he heard I was on a date, he would either try to show up or text me about how I should get a girl at my level. Got fed up with his ass after he seemed to enjoy seeing me break up with my gf, even though I was in shambles because I realised it was all around a soft repeat of my teenager romance drama, with me being with someone who wasn't ready to be fully out yet.
I am nothing fucking special, I am fucking tired of realising these sound like retarded shojo plots, I never wanna meet a guy again. I don't have the energy to meet new girls, my friends say I have some kind of a fixer energy around me that these people are drawn into. I am a fucking bitch, leave me the hell alone.
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Sounds like you’ve been through a lot homie… you deserve love and genuine friends.>>728935> he had a hard time telling her no because he's so oblivious/friendly
Anon fucking please. Every man uses the “Oh I didn’t notice she was flirting” line. Your scrote enables her lol. There is no reason why he can’t tell her to fucking chill and don’t say weird shit if they’re such good friends. He may not actually wants to fuck her but he likes the attention and the ego boost from pickmeisha.
My mom treats me as an extension of herself. I'm almost 30 and she still has no idea what I'm actually like beyond a few mostly shallow characteristics that we happen to have in common (ie: we both really like Coen brothers films), which she fixates on obsessively, almost like she's trying to live vicariously through me. She'll still call me up and blather on about celebrities or musicians she likes and will be like "we just love ____ don't we?" I will legitimately have no idea who any of these people are more than half the time, and she'll just act like I'm messing with her when I tell her that. Or, she'll get weirdly sad or defensive about it, like me not knowing what her favorite Netflix series is some kind of personal affront. It's like she can't handle the fact that I'm a separate person from her, and if I ever criticize her for this or get upset and try to set a boundary, she lashes out at me, screams and calls me horrible names, or acts like I'm punishing her. This has fucked me up so badly I don't even have words to describe it a lot of the time. It's just this horrible, weighted feeling of sadness and hopelessness and like I'm being completely suffocated. It actually makes me feel physically sick at times.
I don't even have the energy to hate her or be angry about this anymore. She's so fucked up and refuses to acknowledge it. I never knew my grandparents, and she never talks about her relationship with them, but I have to assume one of them normalized this kind of behavior for her. She's never lasted more than a month in therapy and just blames her weird behavior on "depression." I wish I had it in me to cut her off already. I haven't wanted a relationship with my mom in years, but at the same time, I don't want to hurt her. I just want her to leave me alone.
Started feeling really sad over a friendship that ended like over 5 years ago. We were best friends for over 5 years. She became gradually used me more and more, lied to me, treated me like shit and became a total backstabber, but I just put up with it because she was my only friend. I now realise that anytime I was friendly with anyone else, or someone was friendly towards me, she would get pissed off with me, and jealous that I was getting attention/not directing my attention towards her. She totally isolated me.
In the end, it was a straw that broke the camels back type of situation, I snapped and it ended really nastily. Even though it was so long ago, I can still think back to earlier points of our friendship fondly and really miss those times. I haven’t really had any close friends since, I find it hard to get close to people because I don’t tolerate when people do shitty things to me anymore.
I can’t really discus this freely with my family or anyone, because people just boil it down to ‘it was a spat between friends’. Like if it was an abusive romantic relationship, I feel people would take the pain that I feel about it more seriously. Even so, it’s been such a long time, that I’m pretty numb to the situation. It’s just every so often I feel sick with pain and hatred over it. I don’t miss her, I wouldn’t want to be back in that friendship - It’s so fucking stupid that I feel this way over someone who treated me awfully. I would pay to erase her from my memory.
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Just did my weekly catchup of the Sh0eonhead thread in /snow/ and wow. I hadn't seen any updates in the past several days and I come back to Pregory having his shit together and June being a fucking womanchild getting exposed by a pol catfish using a gay man's pictures. Is anyone else seriously embarrassed for June?
She makes it look like Preg dodged a bullet, instead of the other way around. What the fuck? This is leave-the-internet tier bad for her, she better start cozying up to other desperate e-girls like Brittany Venti and grift like hell if she wants to maintain her simpbux.
June is such a weird fascination for me. Maybe it's just me, but I don't typically view her as being all that cow-ish and actually find her to be boring most of the time, yet there's all these hints that she's absolutely batshit behind the scenes, and only occasionally does that side seem to leak out. Like, the fact that she tries to present herself as being an authentic person by playing up this sort of self-deprecating, cutesy, "lol I'm such a childish wreck" persona, yet she got a boob job at a very young age, puts the same if not more effort into her appearance than actual "trad" women, and shoops all of her pics. The fact that she portrays herself as some sort of advocate for men, yet there is documented proof of her saying that she doesn't care about any of her simps. The fact that she claims her views have changed and she's not as insensitive as she used to be (as evidenced by past videos), yet she hasn't, for example, deleted any of her old IG accounts where she actively fatshamed people. The fact that her youtube income is more than enough to fund her lifestyle, yet she still mooches off mommy and daddy like a complete parasite. And then recently, the fact that she was clearly catfished, yet pretends it didn't happen and that it was her fans who were spreading lies that they were together, and the leaked nudes, which she claims "isn't a big deal at all, uwu! I just wish they'd leaked the better
I'm not as offended by her pickme behavior, even though it's absolutely embarrassing. There's just so many other e-thots who do this that I just don't really care enough to pay it any mind anymore.
To me, the most interesting/cowish thing about June is that she's a compulsive liar, and seems to be hiding a much darker side of herself that only occasionally sees the light of day.
I wish preg would spill more deets on their relationship and why it ended. Maybe someday.
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I feel so suffocated right now ugh.
>been at work since 6am
>get home around 5:30pm after stopping at grocery
>immediately start preparing dinner from scratch
>bf had day off and didn't do anything besides play a video game
>he's sweet and will do shit when I ask, and sometimes on his own accord, but idk his laziness put me off today
>cleaned up dishes when I asked
>"Btw anon I have to go to bed early because I have to wake up at 5am tomorrow."
>he goes to bed at 8pm, feel like I can't be on my laptop or on tv in my bedroom bc I don't want to disturb his sleep
>go out to play games on my laptop in the kitchen, bored af
>can't watch tv in living room because roommate selfishly camps on the couch watching Sopranos every fucking night and never sleeps in own bed anymore
>roommate gets indignant if I ask to have tv even for an evening
It's like I'm not allowed my own space that I pay rent for and it really fucking sucks. Seems like the only spot I can get is the kitchen because nobody else wants it or has any business in it. I just want them to experience the tables turned so much, but of course, it's different when women get selfish on peoples' asses.
Ive never thought anal would be a fun time and luckily my bf is skeeved out by anal, he does like being rimmed himself tho myb u could offer up that and put the focus on him
I heard some guys fixate on anal bc it’s ultimate domination
I'm glad you're happier and I'm sorry you dealt with those issues… Tbh you're absolutely right, I was just upset and not thinking clearly. It matters a lot less than I put into it, I never notice so much about others and tend to think they look good and I'm the weird one. Anyway sorry you had to read my bullshit. The part about living inside not floating outside is really well-said. You have a lot to be proud of in how wise you are about this imo.
Also being called autistic is weirdly therapeutic, I have a strange relationship with this site kek>>728933
Thank you also for the reply. I'm sorry you deal with these feelings too. But I'm really glad to hear how you helped yourself through, I will try those things as well. It is an uphill battle sometimes but overall it's pretty stupid to fixate on I know.
Ty anons I will try to be more realistic and focus on better things… and stop venting here so much. I'm happy you are doing better yourselves
Exactly this anon, men know that anal is painful and they know we get absolutely nothing from it. It's the most selfish, disgusting thing in the world for a guy to continually push their girlfriend to try it.
My last boyfriend was into it too, I'd say no every time and say I couldn't do it, and still during sex he'd stick his finger in, or "slip" in on accident. He'd act like it wasn't fair that he tried my kinks, but I wouldn't try his. Like, I want you to spit on me, you want to pressure me into being torn apart. I shouldn't feel lucky that my current bf hasn't shown the slightest interest in it, but I do.
Thanks for your kind, constructive words. I got therapy last year during a difficult breakup with a guy who was more outright emotionally abusive
(like, was malicious with it) and it didn’t really help cause the counselor inserted her own opinion into it too much, but maybe I just need to get better at talking to one. I do have a lot of friends that I’m really grateful for and am in general a pretty independent and strong willed woman with a lot going on in my life but I growing up I was always told I intimidated men so since I entered college it’s like I’ve just been constantly trying to dial it down and fell into the trap of doing the most for guys so that they see me as weaker. I’m definitely gonna talk to him about it tomorrow because I’m an assertive ass bitch but I’m about to not see him for at least a week due to my schedule which will be good cause I think I’m just still on this huge high of him coming back after winter break.
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i just woke up with a gnarly nightmare that was so fucking traumatic my body is in whole shock right now and now I’m unable to go back to sleep, it was probably the worst most vivid nightmare I’ve ever had
it was of course about this male murderous figure who was on a rampage killing women and other people in my dream. we called the cops on him secretly and the cops of course tried to do something but since dreams have weird logic he kept getting out of the police car, like the cops were so ineffective like it was a gta game but no really it felt weirdly realistic. he eventually escaped or either was never convicted with anything so went back to a life of crime, mostly doing rich kid drug dealing.
then my dream started becoming more vivid and we were in some dream neighborhood and he was looking for more people to kill and local retired veterans and policemen were standing around to diffuse him but they couldn’t, and he was so eager to murder the incel guy kept shooting everywhere and he pointed his columbine esque gun at me but before he could shoot me some police guy (probably SWAT) did a headshot on him and even that didn’t kill him and he rose his hand again to shoot me but just in the Knick of time he died saying “why me, n-no it can’t be me” and finally that vicious meme scrote died and I woke up with pain in my chest and overwhelming anxiety. I feel like I’m going on the verge of having my bad panic attacks again, sorry for bitching and moaning about this anons I know nightmares are very common but my subconscious must be absorbing something from my real life that isn’t particularly healthy or helpful for my psyche anymore and it needs to be purged. Iit’s now trying to desperately warn me or bringing my worse fears to light. i might have trauma affecting this I don’t know anymore
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>tfw you have no talent at anything and "doing your best" is other peoples minimum
I'm going to die under a fucking bridge one day
I'm glad you gave therapy a shot, although that sucks about your prior experience. It can be tough finding someone who's not up their ass and trying to push an agenda. On the plus side, it's great you have supportive friends and you seem good at self reflection, so I'm willing to bet you can pull yourself out of this. Personally, I hope you don't contact this guy anymore. Perhaps he's not as bad as your other ex, but he's a coomer who's clearly emotionally abusive
as well (suicide baiting is a manipulation to make him seem like the victim
while guilting you about wanting better). He's shown that he isn't grateful for your affection, doesn't care about your feelings or your safety(!) and it's a waste of your valuable time trying convince someone who lacks self awareness to care about you. It's something a lot of scrotes are literally incapable of. And as you say, it's not a reflection on you, but their own incompetence. Why spend your valuable time on a lost cause rather than continuing to enjoy your life, improve your career and focus on friendships that actually give back to you rather than someone who only takes? You might find the Female Dating Strategy (FDS) subreddit useful in terms of vetting guys for quality or even reaching the conclusion that a romantic relationship may not be a worthwhile focus at the moment. Maybe take a look at the posts linked in the sidebar in the handbook like this one (it helped me) - https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f9i9c7/good_luck_finding_a_guy_like_that_do_not_fall_for/
You should never have to lower your standards for the sake of having a partner. What's the point of having a man in your life if he's only going to drag you down and put you in uncomfortable, depressing and outright dangerous situations?
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does anyone else here ever wish you could ignore the truth when it comes to being gc? like now that i am more aware and exposed to radfem ideas, its a relief to understand the world better and tbh it feels like the correct view of reality which is good. but in practice, it feels so awkward holding the opposite view from pretty much everyone else my age? its brought me nothing but even more alienation, and as someone who wants to date women, i tend to be attracted to women who id as nonbinary or some form of trans, or theyre a he him lesbian or something… which sucks because i know our opinions would clash. sometimes i wish i never peaked because its such a lonely fight and i hate feeling like its a secret i have to keep from people who i would otherwise care about and respect.
I understand how you feel and struggled with it myself, but honestly it legitimately makes me feel empowered as a woman to know what I know now. I was so instilled with pickme/handmaidenish thoughts and had large amounts of internalized misogyny that I'm glad to have gotten rid of them and appreciate my gender. Finding out about all the extremely intelligent radfem authors and all the women of history nobody talks about makes me feel a lot better about being female.
Still sucks that I have to keep my mouth shut about my feelings regarding trannies because all of my friends are severely libfem slanted but I'm trusting that they'll peak eventually, if they haven't already done so in secret.
oh no i am there with you, its just that everyone seems to have a gender label these days regardless of how they appear ( at least in the social spheres i encounter) not that im purposely seeking out nb / trans identified women, hopefully this clears it up >>729206
yes i definitely feel so much stronger with my self identity and mentally it has improved me so much too, truthfully i would never want to go back on it. i guess youre right that what i really wish is that everyone else would just peak already, cus it sucks being here all alone. but sadly thats a lot to ask. sometimes my frustration comes from feeling like being nb/trans is the new "safe", more socially accepted way of being lesbian?
(sorry i dont want to get into a gc discussion necessarily if its not allowed, the core of what im saying is that its difficult to have beliefs that set you apart from most people)
Yeah I did but she was on her socials>>729262
She started a bit before we met but she really started focusing on followers a few months ago. I'm one of her few friends but it seems like she's stopped talking to the other girls as much too. Kind of can't have a friendship if the other one isn't around.
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I think my sister might be narcissic.
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Very stupid vent, but I need to say it to someone.
I feel so uncomfortable with my Computer science teacher. He is not a bad person, but I don't like his class, it's not because of the subject, but his way of speaking to us makes me feel wrong.
He always tell us how he is teaching us things that we won't find on any book or class; sometimes he will show off private conversations he had with another students, about how important his classes were. There's even was a time were he took several minutes of the class to make the calculation of how many hours he spends looking at our assingments just to tell us that he is more busy than us.
I don't like how he talks down to us, sometimes even from behind, because I once had a Skype call with him and he complained about the others for a while, even showing me some of their assigments.
I don't know, I guess I just dislike how he talks bad behind our backs, because I can't say that he hasn't talk about me with someone else. I have been putting all the effort I can on his assigments. It just scares me a little the idea that he is showing and laughing at my works with other classes.
This has the same energy as that "1 in every 10 women has canine sperm found from her pap smear samples" coomer rumor.
samefag but if I go now, it'll be too early. If I go later it might be too late.
This is my life's dream…
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true… ty anon, that did make me feel more confident and push me more towards doing it
I'M ABOUT TO MCFUCKING LOSE IT
2 hours worth of phone calls later and I am STILL on the phone trying to get my shit covered. I spoke with someone else who said "YES, everything will be covered BUT you need a pre authorization and the office you go to will have to do that." Call my provider, thy say they don't call the insurances to do pre auth, I have to do it. Call my insurance AGAIN to get this pre auth, and now a DIFFERENT guy is telling me "it's covered under your plan under family planning, you do not need a pre authorization." Like, what the fuck! Every time it's a new person with different answers! What am I supposed to do when I get my shit done and then I'm slapped with a bill that I believed I wouldn't get because whether or not it's covered seems to depend on who I'm speaking with? It's frustrating as fuck, the health insurance's website won't even give me the full summary of benefits. What's the fucking point? Just put that shit on the website, I'm sick of calling and getting a different person each time with different answers!
I finally have some solid answers, I need the pre auth for the removal and insertion but the IUD itself is covered. My provider will get the pre auth when I go in to see them, thank fucking GOD.
I just hate that with every appointment I make, I have to ask the receptionist if it'll be covered. Then I'll end up calling my health insurance every single time to make sure it's covered. And then as I sit in for my appointment, every little move the nurses and doctor makes, I'll constantly have to wonder "is this covered? is that covered?" It makes me want to fucking cry because it stresses me out so much. Why am I even paying for health insurance at this point when what is covered and what isn't covered is constantly up in the air and depends on the agent's mood of the minute?
I have so little faith in private health insurance, I know they like to use sneaky language and will find some loophole to slap me with a bill because technically
somewhere in some forms they will not post online, it said that XYZ is not ACTUALLY covered unless it's under ABC conditions or some shit. I miss being under my parent's medicaid, I never had to pay for anything and never had to wonder if something would be covered. Everything was always 100% covered. The only time I had to pay was when my optometrist gave me the option for generic eyedrops (free) or name brand ones. Too bad I make "too much money" i.e. I literally earn minimum wage in my state (which is one of the most expensive) but that's still too much since medicaid wants to go based on federal poverty levels for god knows what fucking reason!
My coworkers say "you're young and healthy, you don't need health insurance or to go see a doctor!" but who cares! That's none of their business! So what if I want to be a little bit proactive and build a relationship with a doctor so that I can remain healthy? So what if I know that I'm heavily predisposed to a myriad of chronic health conditions that run rampant in my family and want to keep things in check? That "oh no they found cancer in me despite me being a health adult" shit is probably not going to happen to me, but I desperately just want to see a doctor again for the first time in like 3 years.
Biden better get some god damn health reforms going but I already know I'm probably going to grow a third arm before this backwards ass country does something sensible in regards to health care for once. Fuck this shithole.
I am 28 years old and still under my parents thumb at their house due to both physical and mental disabilities that have prevented me from having a stable or good quality of life for the several years. I say this as background for what I am about to say next.
Just last week I committed suicide via fentanyl overdose. I knew it would work because I had OD'd and would have died had I not received immediate CPR and narcan a previous time months before. But just like the first time, one of my family members just "had a hunch" to check on me. They found me unresponsive and not breathing. My dad is a doctor and must have prepared for this after the last time so used a defibrillator, some kind of bag I can't remember the name of, and provided nasal narcan up each nostril, preforming CPR until the paramedics arrived. For 11 minutes I was not even taking full breaths, just rattling gasps.
I open my eyes to the scene I so clearly remember from the last attempt. My father and about six paramedics standing over me. Wishing it was a dream. Them carrying me out on the stretcher. My mom in the living room crying and the sight of some of my siblings, also all same as before. Being carted into the ambulance. I spent two days in the hospital o can't even remember. Apparently when I was being asked questions by the doctor about if this was a suicide I became agitated and laughed sarcastically and said in a mocking tone "is this a suicide?". Same when they asked of the self harm on my arm that I had caused two days prior. Next thing I know that snarky response caused me a week stay in the local psych ward. I spent the first two or three days in the bed, unmoving. Barely remember that either.
As soon as my parents take me home on my discharge date and I get through the door to the house, I am immediately having to sign papers to a treatment center I did not agree to (in the psych ward my dad said he would give me the option to at least look at some places before deciding on one and that I could spend a few days with family before doing this process). I know I didn't HAVE to sign them, but my parents are great with making me feel guilty and that I owe them as much since they pay for my existence basically. I can't drive, can't maintain a job, all that good stuff. And although I am legally an adult they still treat me like a child. They expressed how much grief I was causing them. Now yes I do have sympathy for them and felt really bad, but at the same time tactics of manipulation were used like holding the amount of money they have spent on my treatments in the past over my head and how they have to provide for me. This specific treatment center was chosen by my dad. No negotiation. No I "did not have a choice" on if I wanted to go or not. Their words.
This specific facility is 4 hours away in bumfuck nowhere. The program is a god damn year long. The whole time I am there due to covid I will not be allowed to receive visitors. I had been pushed to already complete a phone interview with the place before I even got to see what it looks like or what it specializes in. I never got what my dad and I agreed upon, no time to destress. They keep having "talks" with me over and over about what feels like the same things, just worded differently. Every time they call me over to the table to sit down and have these chats it feels like I am walking the path to hell.
I do not want to cause my family grief. I never have. I never wanted to hurt anybody or be this way, but there has been so much trauma in my life since 6 onwards. Honestly, I just wish I could get it to the point where nobody gave a shit about me. I wish I was never revived. I want to be dead. I have been apathetic about life for a long time and barely find joy in anything. I don't think I ever will again. And I'd rather not exist sucking away resources and money that is not my own while providing nothing of value.
I'm going to go just to please my parents and because I have nowhere else to turn to besides the streets. I wouldn't make it out there. But I am now having constant meltdowns knowing in a week or less I am signing my life away to a place I'd rather not be at.
I honestly don't know what my life has become. I'm a fucking doormat, a nobody who has nobody besides my immediate family who for some reason can't have talks about mental health, and will never be anybody. I'm hoping to whatever god there is out there that very soon something will happen to my weak ass body that I can't recover from and I die so called naturally si maybe my family won't have to think they failed. I was the failure, not them.
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My acne scars are so fucking bad fuuuckkkk
They ruin my confidence. I guess I need to find 3k somehow to get a peel / recurring laser treatments or whatthefuckever ..and that may or may not work.
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I've been a hardcore maladaptive daydreamer since I was like 12. I have my perfect music career there, I'm accomplished and I have the love of my life by my side. Fantasy is so much better than reality. Not so long ago I was extremely bitter because of the fact my "real" life will never be satisfying, but now I reached the levels of copium where I literally don't care that my life and health is shit, I have no friends and no family, I'm a virgin and a wageslave and it's too late for me to develop artistically and make a living out of it, and even if it's not too late I wouldn't have enough time and energy for practice because of my shitty wageslave job. I couldn't believe I had only one life and I already wasted it, it's too late for literally everything I dreamed about as a child, and besides that, I've been socially isolated for the majority of my life and I don't know how to function around people. But now I don't care anymore. I'm happy and accomplished in my fantasy. I don't need objective reality, I have my own. It feels so good
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>Your medical device isn't supported on this phone
>tfw phones only 4 years old
>F-four years old is a long time I guess in phone years
>I guess I do need a new phone
>I'll just upgrade for 120
>Your medical device isn't supported on this phone
I even checked at the store if the phone let me look it up on google store, old phone didn't let me. This is some bullshit because I'm hearing stories of people with S21's getting this message
>>729662>I was the failure, not them.
Anon, that's bullshit. This is the kind of thinking that results from years of abuse and gaslighting. At best, maybe your parents meant well, but they clearly failed you. They are guilt tripping you, unable to acknowledge your emotional pain, and are, from the sound of it, very controlling of you.
It's really telling of your character that you can still empathize with your parents, despite how poorly they treat you. It certainly doesn't sound like they're doing the same for you, especially if, instead of acknowledging how much you're struggling, they are trying to make themselves out to be victims
of your pain.
I'm so sorry things have gone so wrong for you. For what it's worth, I believe you, and I don't judge you for wanting to die. Honestly, I think that feeling trapped and hopeless in the situation you're in for so long would push anyone to the brink of suicide. I do hope that you find it in yourself to try, because I know that things can get better for you. It may not happen over night, but you can get there.
i'm sick of being such a useless retarded idiot. i'm so stupid and useless i can't even properly make doctor's appointments, and the more i tried to fix my mistakes the more i kept fucking up. i feel so stupid and retarded and unfixable i actually want to kill myself so i'd do my family a fucking favor, every time i have to do something even remotely important i feel like i'm an autistic mecha being piloted by absolute fucking retards. the worst part is i'm not even actually autistic, i'm just insanely anxious to the point where i dissociate and lose consciousness of what i'm doing/saying, which makes me do retarded shit. if i were actually SOMETHING other than an anxious mess maybe i'd feel better about being such a regal tard at my age.
i want to cry and hurt myself. i feel so unfixably retarded. i don't fucking know what to do anymore. i've tried so, so fucking hard anons, but it seems the harder i try the more useless i become. life feels like everyone else just knows things that i don't, and that every conclusion i come to is wrong. i'm constantly terrified that i'm making an idiot of myself in front of everyone and that my friends are too shy to tell me i'm being a retard. the 'ronavirus and quarantine have pulled me back several squares in my development, i was actually making progress and being a lot more independent but now i feel fourteen again when i was at peak retardation and i'm so goddamn ashamed of myself, it feels as if i'd need to be born again and hardwired with another, better brain in order not to be such a useless bitch anymore.
someone put me out of my fucking misery please, i can't take it anymore, i hate being so fucking stupid i hate it, sorry for the walltext nonnies
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I hate being an ugly duckling. I was very, very ugly for most of my childhood. I was as cute as most kids until maybe the age of 5 and then something happened. I turned into this ugly mess, I wore hand me downs, had an ugly bowl cut, dark skin people picked on me for, and I don't think I'll ever stop being bitter over how I was treated.
It didn't help that my best childhood friend was adorable, and whenever we went somewhere together people fawned all over her while pretending I don't exist. Even our parents treated us differently, she was raised to be mommy's pretty princess while I was my mom's personal punching bag. That was fine though, we loved each other anyway.
As a teen, girls would get so much attention and praise for being pretty, while I was at best ignored and at worst bullied by both boys and girls. They would make monkey noises at me (I was hairy), throw rocks at my head, call me all sorts of names mostly having to do with me being brown with a big nose. I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 20, and even then he later told me he only liked me because I was interested in him and he was desperate. Even when I tried to glow up, people would never say what looks good or bad on me, they'd just talk shit about me behind my back and say my foundation made me look like a clown because it was too pale. I didn't know, I lived in a shitty basement rental and my bathroom lighting was just a bright orange lamp.
I didn't have any money to change my appearance until I turned 23 and got out of college, I had nose surgery and started changing my wardrobe to something cuter. At some point, I don't know when, the laughing stopped. I'm now 28 and people are sooo much more friendly towards me. I dress well and look really cute.
But I don't know if I can ever let go of the bitter feelings, I have become such a venomous, bitter person that I almost wish I was still ugly and broke. Holyyyy shit I get so red hot angry whenever I remember how garbage people were towards me just because I used to have a mustache and dark skin. Not just young men, everyone - aunties, uncles, middle aged grocery store workers named Sharon. I would never in a million years be so evil towards someone just because they look bad! It's not like looks are contagious, just say please and thank you and move on! I want to cry, it's so unfair.
Watching old videos from my childhood today, didn’t realise how bad a hoarder my mum used to be. I have really pushed and helped her endlessly over the past few years to sort out her hoard, and like 90% of the rooms in the house aren’t hoarded anymore.
It’s insane to look back on the videos and watch us as a family, walking over piles of junk in each room, how messy and terrible everywhere looked. Just in excess of everything. Feelings of doorbell dread, never being able to invite anyone over, just general uncleanliness everywhere, all rushing back to me. It’s just made me grumpy thinking back on it. Now I feel like I’m obsessive about being tidy and clean, and have a real perfectionism issue.
Ever since I’ve been at home over the pandemic, I’ve turned into a personal family maid that cleans up after everyone. I seriously feel anxious with mess, but if I don’t clean up, then it will literally take days for someone else to take the initiate to give the place a half hearted clean up, if even that. I can’t stand it!
Well I was drunk as shit and left a mcchicken in his cup holder which he was mad about, I get that's a valid
reason to be mad…I dont remember doing that though. Also when we were driving someone in the front seat accidentally knocked his phone in the back seat with me then he proceeded to get angry at me for not helping him find his phone despite the fact that I had no idea his phone dropped and he didnt ask me to help either. Then he bitches to my friend about having to "drive me around" even though I do not know this man and it was my friends idea to drive to all these places. He blamed me for it. He whined about driving me home even though my house is like 5 minutes away from my friend. I just gave him 23 dollars for gas, the mcdonalds and the four loko and he said "thanks but you're still banned from my car because you disrespected me and my time".
I’m someone who has made their artistic ability into their job and I want you to know that doing so has kind of killed my imagination in a way.
Because I’m so focused on what others want and what would be the best composition or the best story I can’t let loose and just imagine because my fantasies are filled with stop signs and road blocks of “no thats too cringe”, “no it’s been done”, “no, too boring” “no, off brand”, etc. I can’t even imagine for myself anymore, no guilty pleasure fantasies without feeling self conscious in my own head. I’m trying to unlearn this.
I’m actually jealous of you, I really wish I could fantasize like I did as a kid. I wish I could get into fiction more like I used to. Now I see it like a male gynecologist looks at vaginas, it’s not beautiful or sexy anymore it’s just something that needs to be analyzed.
For reference, I’m an illustrator. It was my goal to be able to draw well enough to make stories in the form of comics. I’m truly a starving artist, majorly, and I’ve been doing it for four years “full time”.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I’m sorry if it comes off that way.
What a piece of shit whiny baby he is. When people act this flamboyantly retarded I just tell myself that they have to be going through an episode in their personal life and will feel embarrassed as fuck someday over acting like this.
These people are genuinely the worst and I know what you mean about being an autist and around normies. I’m not even really autistic, just socially retarded sometimes, and people who are overly polite and focus so much on etiquette are the bane of my existence. I would much rather hang out with minimum wage slaves and people who just don’t give a fuck about life then the overly successful silver spoon kind of people because there are so many horrible social rules to follow around them. The worst case of this I experience is my sisters husband who is Saudi Arabian, etiquette is so important there and he gets genuinely heated if someone doesn’t thank him enough for some stupid Christmas gift, they also spend a ridiculous amount of money on gifts and think it’s really lowly of us not to spend at least 50 dollars on each person.
I feel like it would be counterproductive to our efforts and beliefs. Most men would be sympathetic to degenerate scrote victims
murdered by a woman, because they know it very well could've been them.
either way her life would still revolve around them. the real win is to overcome the pain and live a life for herself, with lots of female friends so she can heal. but ik you are kind of joking.
I know 100% it's unfair what these men did to you and whoever else too, but I want you to consider that there can be more to life than men's shit. in a sense they win this way in inflicting pain and I never want that for anyone and you sound really sweet. I'm sorry this isn't a good reply but I feel for you reading your post. Whatever happened you didn't deserve but what you do deserve is to live as you should've if they didn't do this to you. you deserve to be healthy and happy. I know the pain is unbearable right now but please consider you can become stronger than it, than what happened and you can see the world in a new light like anyone. The best revenge on the ones who hurt you is working through the hurt and surpassing it, which I believe in you that you can. Men try to exert power over us by making us hurt but by learning to live a happy fulfilled life despite that is how we can surpass their influence and use the experience to help other women. Still I know it's extremely difficult and I'm not shaming you, please stay safe anon I'm so sorry
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Thank you so much anon for this reply. I posted this >>729896
because something I read reminded me a little too much of something I went through when I was a kid. It just hurts to know men who abuse children and women still are rampant, it feels like the numbers just keep going higher (so many horrible things are being normalized). It really depressed me, but your post gave me hope anon. I really do want to try and live a better life, free from reliving trauma and hate towards men, though sometimes it really does feel hard when I see all the hurt they cause in front of me. Again, thank you for your reply. It means a lot that someone cared a bit to reply at all. I wish you the best, and I hope you are living the fulfilling, happy life you deserve as well.
Just realized everyone I like on YT is perfectly nice and yet annoying/retarded in some way
Alexandria Ryan, subscription box reviewer
>Literally has a Masters but is too lazy and stupid to check how anything is pronounced, trips over ever other normal word and leaves it in the edit because so quirky and relatable
>wipes lipstick and swatches off with cardboard, gross receipts, plastic wrapping, anything to hand instead of just buying makeup wipes for literally a dollar
>rips packages open with her teeth, people send her box cutters, she loses them
>proud of being messy and disorganized to the point of losing hundreds of dollars on boxes that don't arrive
>the only millennial I've ever heard of that fell for a cookie-cutter phishing scam, lost access to her Adsense for months due to sheer retardation
Bernadette Banner, historical costumer
>Victorian waif LARP gets old quick, pretends to be mystified by basic things: what is a tablet? What is Christmas? How does an electric sewing machine work???
>Appears sane and not-bothered but posted a thousand-word sulky response to her own Guru Gossip thread that had like 4 posts in it
>CALL FABRIC SCRAPS 'CABBAGE' ONE MORE TIME BITCH
Jenny Nicholson, pop culture list-maker I guess
>Being 29 and still doing your makeup like a middle-school anime cosplayer
>Combined with too-bright and too-blurry camera JFC her shit is getting hard to look at, just get a beauty filter if you're so insecure
>Bought a second-hand Harry Potter toy and made a big fanfair of donating to some troon charity afterwards because JKR bad
Mikaela Long, general comedy/lifestyle
>mid-twenties but super stunted and afraid of everything, literally calls mommy for help with most videos (and her mom sounds tired of her lol)
>Could be at 5 million by now if she just put out three or four okay videos a month, but she's scawwed of cwiticism uwu so she only posts a few times a year and keeps privating her old videos
>is literally a beautiful charismatic young woman in LA but spends her time colour-coordinating her coffee straw to her socks like an autist while her life wastes away, has several videos crying/breaking down, yet never goes to a goddamn therapist
Barry Lewis, cooking etc
>Be a grown man and still forget that hot things are hot and make you go ouch, he burns himself on literally every hot thing in his kitchen and it makes me cringe
>So corny I change the video if anyone else comes in the room bc I'm embarrassed to be consuming this content
>Used to think he was cool for being self-taught cook and making so much for his family - then his wife mentioned in a Q&A that he would spend all day filming in the kitchen and then she'd come home from work, the kitchen would be messy as hell and then she'd have to clean up AND make dinner - this motherfucker cooking all day and can't whip up some food for the family while he's at it? Scrote behaviour.
I know we make fun of actual cows on this site so that's why I'm dumping these midnight thoughts here. I'm also curious what normal/unproblematic people grind your gears for no goddamn reason
>>729816>"This could happen to you."
It shouldn't if you want to actually educate me about issues, provide a safe and nonconfrontational space to talk about those issues, and give me resources to use when I think I might encounter those issues.
Parenting should be licensed.
I'm supposed to graduate in a few months but I'm so close to dropping out. My university is such a shithole in terms of languages that I'm afraid to even try for masters elsewhere. What if I get accepted but my level is too low because my current uni is a joke ?
This school year has been nothing but a fucking joke, and everyone in my license (most teachers, administration) are clowns. I'd rather stick my boobs in a panini press than stay at this uni for a masters. thank god uni is free in my country kek, because my major truly is a disaster
I shouldn't even have been here. I should have been studying on the other side of the world as an exchange student for the year, but covid happened, which is no one's fault but I'm so fucking lost right now. I was supposed to come back from my exchange to do a masters, but now I'm not even sure if I have the mental capacity for it. My ADHD has been getting worse and worse in the past few months and I started missing classes on purpose, when I usually managed pretty well for someone who has ADHD this severe. I'm trying to get an appointment to try meds, but I think the problem is bigger than that. Thinking about taking a year off to sort things out but it's so complicated because of my parents. I'm barely holding on to finish this year to get out of this shitty uni but I have no idea what I'm gonna do afterwards, it's very confusing. that's a lot of complaining for someone lucky enough to get free education but fuck this university, it's so poorly managed and only holds on thanks to the hard work of a few teachers who break their backs working for a ridiculously small salary
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JUST LEAVE THE FUCKING APARTMENT ALREADY AND GO TO WORK YOU FUCKING BULLCOW!
I'm tired of your hacking, snorting, burping, sniffling ass. I want to be able to wake up and cook a delicious breakfast for myself before I have to leave for work, uninterrupted. GET THE FUCK OUT! LEAVE! I don't need your worthless ass around to prod me about what I'm cooking, complaining weeeh where's yours, or you making a fucking comment because you disagree with the smell, look, or genre of what I happen to be making to eat.
You never make me any meals unlike what I do, even though it's more than you deserve. I'd throw the "WAH WHERE'S MY FOOD?!" reverse uno style in your face if your lazy ass ever made food worth eating, or didn't hide your takeout boxes. I never pick on you for eating cereal for dinner, being so broke for food that you have to eat canned soup or a shit sandwich because you're bad with your salary, or making canned tuna that smells like infected pussy with fart queef. I WANT TO KICK YOUR STUPID ASS BUT THEY WOULD LOCK ME UP FOR GERIATRIC ABUSE. So just fucking go! Quit blowing up your bathroom with your gross power shitting that I can hear all the way from my bedroom. LEAVE! I don't pay rent here so I have to be subjected to this nonsense. LEAVE!
Get out of my apartment, now.
GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT NOW!
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Having to share my screen on Zoom makes me really nervous, especially when I don’t expect to do it, because I’m always worried something weird on my computer that I don’t want people to see might randomly pop up.
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I can’t do my fucking work because it’s like my brain refuses to focus on it.
I just want to be less stupid.
yeah same wish me luck it's citalopram
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should kick in in 2 weeks or so. please try not to kill yourself before then. I'm being serious. Maybe lay off lolcow for now
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While I see no problem with cis/straight people getting made fun of, considering it is considered the "norm" in society, but I am tired of trans/gay people get up in arms whenever someone makes a joke about them.
I get it, they have gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to offensive comedy, but the moment you make even the slightest pun or joke tables are flipped.
Context of pic related: short haired guy isn't a fan of his twin sister wanting to cosplay the main character of his comic and in previous strip in pure desperation claimed he is going to get a boob job and do it himself if that's what's required to stop her. In my opinion my opinion the comic obviously reads as them making fun of the guy himself and not trans people but people are still upset in the comments.
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I have been trying so hard to get my immunization records so I can stay in college and it feels like its all in vain. No one has them, I don't understand why. My high-school didn't have them despite the fact that I had graduated a few months ago. I keep checking the available records on my medical center's app and they only have like 3 flu shots on there and 2 recent vaccinations on there, though I still sent a letter for my records to be released in some miracle that they do have them and just dont show them for some reason. The woman i got my first few shots from retired years ago so nothing will come of that. I am currently in classes but since its online I have a little more time to get them but once the 17th hits its over. I had already put off a semester of college because of Corona and planned to start in spring like I am now but I guess all of the work I've been putting in so far is for nothing. I genuinely think my only solution is to get re-vaccinated and attend in fall. I want to fucking end it all, why is it such a messy process getting my records. When I talked to the woman from my old high-school she seemed surprised at the fact that I didn't even have a folder for my medical records.
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OP here, if it makes you feel like shit you should go for it. The whole plastic surgery looks fake thing is bullshit. It only looks bad if you go overboard or your surgeon is some Russian back alley butcher. ALL women in the before/afters I looked at were normal, average women who just had an unfortunate facial feature they wanted corrected. None of them were plastic Barbies afterwards.
As for people treating you like shit for getting surgery, just don't tell them. My family used to yell at me for being vain and not accepting myself for who I am (as if yelling at me would help), but even they admitted I looked pretty afterwards. Even my dad, who kept saying my old nose is beautiful, said my new nose was ten times prettier.
Just do what makes your life easier, YOLO.
These uhgyur camps. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-55794071
I feel so impotent. That's all I guess. I haven't thought about much else for a couple days. It reminds me of a book I read of the female accounts of the serbian bosnian war which made me feel sick for weeks.
Women are always so dehumanised by these animals. Why?
LMAO this is such a fucking cope
have you heard of that common saying that if everyone you meet is an asshole maybe YOU are the asshole? yeah, i sincerely doubt you're meeting that many boring people. hobbies, work, internet, there are so many ways you can meet people like if there really are that many boring people around you i am SO sorry anon… but maybe look at yourself(let anon vent)
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Mine are boxcar / indented so they literally cannot fade. I can only soften the craters a bit. Professional dermatologist procedures and / or risking making it worse with diy peel crap is my only option
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My sister was acting very aggressive at a vaccination spot today so much they threatened to call the cops on her. She has had almost cops called on her at an airport, a women's clinic and she has been in court for domestic violence with her ex (the dude was an asshole but still). She has young kids but I seriously worry, she has almost broken her own fingers by punching her husband and she refuses anger management classes yet goes to psychotherapy pretty regularly. It's particulary insane because no one would believe all that if they saw her, I always had to listen how I was such a wild kid, looked like trouble and all that shit yet I have never once in my life acted out like she has, especially in public. She is so much like our dad, it fucking scares me, she doesn't even see it. He was an alcoholic with narcissistic traits and possibly bipolar, I am bipolar as well but do very well with managing it, always have because I seriously do not wanna be a fucking mess. I have fought with my sis when we were younger and I know how she can get, she just goes ballistic and it's like she's possessed or something, she has tried to stab me and my mom when she was in her late teens and I had to step in, drag her in her room before our dad came home from work.
I feel like she larps this perfect mom and just because I was some unfortunate emo weeb piece of shit as a kid, I am automatically the wild and unruly one in the eyes of the rest of the family and people in general, doesn't exactly bother me but it's so crazy. Who the fuck gets constantly escorted out of places of health, the airport, the clinic and so on? That shit isn't normal, that is fucking insanity,I can't believe she tries to paint it as if they were the ones in wrong. I have lived with this image of a fight starter, the loud one and the bad kid yet I spent all my childhood defending myself, my mom or my friends yet this woman child just…does this? Sounds silly but so many goddamn years of the "hehe you are such a problem child" jokes from everyone when all I been ever doing was keeping the peace as best as I could. The only times I have instigated a physical fight has been with bullies and I just refuse to count it as same behaviour yet at some level I feel ashamed that I couldn't solve it any other way and I was a kid back then, not a goddamn adult. Been a weird day, anons.
I become so emotional, and honestly, jealous, seeing gorgeous children in happy homes. Children who will never know what it's like to be ugly, who were raised right, with two loving parents who let them have healthy hobbies and put them in classes to facilitate their skills and talents. Children who were healthy from the start, who painted at home, learned how to sing, had their parents take them places, cooked together; whose parents loved them, whose houses were safe. It fills me with such irrational jealousy and makes me so b(I agree, it's pathetic and I keep it to myself). Everything could have been so different if my parents just put in some effort to be good parents, if I was fed better, taught to exercise regularly, dressed normally, taught to engage in healthy hobbies that fueled my creativity. If I received adequate guidance for my potential. I hate whining like this, because I don't agree with the assumptions it makes. But, I can't deny the feelings. I can't deny how much pain I still have inside of me from my youth and how a lot of needs will forever remain unanswered.
He doesn't look at you and you think "Oh he must think it's disgusting I still live at home?"
That's a really odd assumption to make. He probably was just awkward. But even if he thought that, then he has no common sense. Completely normal to still live with your parents in your early twenties imo, especially in pandemic times and current housemarket.
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You're not whining at all. All children deserve a happy, healthy and motivating childhood. I hope you're doing good nonnie
, sending you luv
He probably just wanted to do his job and gtfo asap
What a retarded assumption you just made
I hate when fan artists make transgender versions of characters, like rcdart but there’s more than just her. It’s almost always pornographic/mpreg content and the artists clearly want to self-insert themself without creating an OC because cis straight women are sooooooo yucky and boring. >>730306
Some people have a family member stay at the house if someone is working, to answer questions or make sure they don’t do anything they’re not supposed to. I doubt the guy had any clue you lived there unless he made his own assumption.
Nah anon he probably just wanted to get it and get out. Especially with covid.
If I were a man and could get away with skipping pleasantries and small talk without being thought of as stuck up or rude, I'd fucking do it too. Most times I have nothing to say to people and I just want to do the job and then get.
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The end is nigh
I'll buy a dress tonight
Maybe the last one
If you think your doctor is letting something go, get a second opinion if you still care to
You can't trust anyone
Someone with the best intentions may believe you'd be better off dead
It's funny in a cosmic way, but somehow I can't laugh
I can't cry either, I don't even feel angry
Maybe those with the best intentions were right anyway
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Sometimes when I talk to my family, we have some cool conversations, but I swear it always devolves into my mother talking about how great her life is if she never shat out me and my siblings in the first place. Tbh I’m being hyperbolic it’s not always about her, but even though I’m very self-deprecating about my own existence, for some reason her going through hazy memories and wishing to just have one child really hurt and ignited a lot of pain I’ve been willfully ignoring and I don’t know why. She’s always talking about how we don’t care about her feelings, we don’t understand anything, and how she needs to start doing things for her… but what was even stopping my mother in the first place? It’s not like she was emotionally there for us in the first place, she had plenty of opportunities to do things and now that we’re all grown she can try to do it? But no all she does is whine and moan and gets neurotic now that she’s in her 50s that she thinks she’ll never make it to a later age.
I always wondered what really was the source of questioning my existence and maybe I’ve just been internalizing her little anecdotes about wishing to change something you can’t and her own current responsibilities. I don’t even know if I’m able to repair or not, I’m just terrified.
I'm sorry you're going through it rn anon, you sound a lot like me at my lower points. I find myself feeling old and behind and inferior as fuck. It is INSANELY hard for me to be productive, I'm not even lazy it just takes so much for the basic willpower to see my plans and ideas through and it all piles up until it feels like too much. the way that i function has made me kinda armchair myself that i might have a mild form of adult adhd but I don't think I have enough symptoms, I think I just have my same old anxiety/ hypomanic depression brain and really bad habits and coping mechanisms. But I have honestly not had many mental breakdowns in the last year (that's saying a lot for me) and I think it's just because I got back on my meds, started being nicer to myself, stopped caring so much about people's opinions and got little tasks done one by one until most of my basic things I'd procrastinated on (doctor appointments, driver's license, car issues etc etc) were handled and when i tell you the literal WEIGHT i felt lifted off of my shoulders as I got rid of more and more stressors, it actually pisses me off thatI could have just done all this shit months and years ago and it would have been relatively easy. It's still hard to wakeup and do anything sometimes especially in a new weird covid world, but what helps me is leaning into my small support system that I know loves me unconditionally no matter how cringe and retarded i am, and catching as much negative self-talk as i can.
I know I'm fortunate because I graduated and am self employed/ saved up a huge unemployment security blanket for funds so my life has become way more low-stress low-risk, and I also benefit from the less irl social, hermit lockdown lifestyle as an infp type of person. and obv i don't know your entire situation. but if you just need someone to empathize, I'll be that person. try to pick yourself up a little if you can, do little basic tasks that double as self-care (shower, get dressed, clean your room, do an easy stress relieving hobby like drawing or yoga or whatever you're into) and be present with how much time you're wasting on stupid corners of the internet (no shade, I'm here too lol). I hope things look up for you!
>>730688>Do teachers really not trust older students not do that?
They don't, and for good reason.
IT classes in Vocational school (16 - 20 yo) were always full of people playing games.
She's either crazy as hell or
crazy as hell and has a crush on you. Also,>she gets all mad and starts screeching at me how dare I put a scrote before her
Did she actually say "scrote"?
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I know how that is and I sympathize with you, at home I can't put cake in the fridge or it will taste like everything
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I ordered a phone from Backmarket, it was the wrong one and they refused to send me the right one (I overpaid for the incorrect model basically and couldnt send it back because I need a phone) and it has a really old battery that lasts only a few hours and heats up to the point of burning my hands and has constant screen glitches. I fucking dropped it just now and now it wont turn on. I'm so tired of getting scammed and companies acting like nothing's wrong. I'm the same anon who got her computer shattered by UPS then ignored by them, too. I know dropping the phone is my fault but what's with companies screwing people over then ignoring them? I feel like a Karen but my shit's just constantly getting fucked up and I don't want to pay out of pocket for something that should've been guaranteed…
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Hahahhahah ok cool COOL nice to see the dude who was such a fucking cunt, obsessive and abusive thriving in the fashion industry, just fucking peachy. I wanna fucking off myself, karma isn't real and I am so ashamed to be this sick, in the place I am but I also know he is way more privileged in every way but man it hurts. I am so fucking angry.
Any in particular that you want to shame?
I've started listening to a couple of newer ones since covid kicked off and I'm realising now that after spending one or two hours listening there's often no topic or I would struggle to remember much of what was said. Like they may be keeping it a lil too casual there.
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I posted about my hair loss in the previous thread >>723922
I got my blood test results. I have anaemia and D3 deficiency, but the worst thing is that my DHT is high, higher than it should be. I don't have any extra hair on my body yet, but I had other symptoms like irregular periods. Maybe I have PCOS or adrenal gland problem, I don't know. I should make an appointment with endocrinologist but I'm too depressed right now. I don't want to be bald and even uglier than I am now, I can't take it
Hey anon, I was one of the ones who mentioned anaemia in the last thread. You're allowed to grieve and panic but when you've had a cry and a hot drink, maybe a sleep, try to remember that your deficiencies are probably contributing a lot more to your hair loss than your DHT if you have no other symptoms. Wait to speak to your endo and take the correct supplements in the meantime and remember it'll take a couple of months to see a difference.
Balding is a pretty advanced symptom of untreated PCOS. Even if it is PCOS, that can be managed and treated and it's really great you can catch it now before you get any irreversible symptoms like neck hair. You're gonna be okay anon, for sure. What helped me pull through before they treated me was looking up female hair thinning on YouTube, because there are some really young women dealing with it and demonstrating how they deal with it day to day. The attached video is from one of my favourite YouTubers who makes lots of vids on the subject. Let us know how you get on.
that sucks, i would seriously doubt anyone's communication abilities if they insist on doing that..
recently, i had a male professor in college who would use "she" in every example he used, positive as well as negative. it was kind of nice.
Nope. Looking up who that is, at least she actually seems to produce content, and it's morbid stuff that I might have taken a shining to her for. So I wish.
Nah, my fiancé's ex is boring and I can tell she hates/is competitive with other women which explains why she has no real friends. She flunked out of the fashion industry because she didn't want to have to communicate with other women. So now she's a cashier who flings artsy side hustle shit to the wall to see what sticks. Right now it's photography, but barely. She's begging us to give her money so clearly it must not be working out for her. Which is ridiculous because according to my fiancé she'd get paid $3k per gig which is a pretty nice wad of dough if she had the gumption to work.
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oh ok well that makes sense given my, yknow…
Lol I’m sorry, that sounded super bitchy, I wasn’t totally getting your post.
But yeah, being dysfunctional is the worst symptom of mental illness for me, and it’s probably because it perpetuates the cycle. You feel like shit because you didn’t accomplish anything and the next time you go to do a task either your nerves are so messed up you can’t focus or you’re so depressed you can’t get up.
I don’t know what it is for you, but I thought I had ADD for a long time, many people typed me as a manic pixie ADHD girl. But I I got diagnosed with general anxiety with some add and depression symptoms (so just an anxiety diagnosis, not an ADD or depression diagnosis)
Everything all of a sudden clicked into place and made perfect sense, jr was life changing.
Therapy is expensive but your insurance might cover it. Medicaid covers it fully, If you have that.
haha it's fine I didn't take it as bitchy, my brain is fried af today
i've had depression since i was a teen and my anxiety is more of a symptom of that depending on how serotonin-depleted or stressed i am. for the last couple years I was convinced that i actually had bipolar type II because of all the hypomania ups and downs, but now that i'm learning about adult adhd I'm confused and it could honestly be either one or just me having a more unhinged depression as opposed to the stereotypical constantly dead inside type. but when I think of adhd I think of my younger cousin who had it his whole life and was so different from me and off the walls as a kid. I've heard it manifests way differently in girls but who knows, I don't care about having a diagnosis as a label for everything so much as I just want to function and live a happier life as much as I can manage. I'm doing pretty well lately actually, the only symptom that's been bad is the dysfunction especially because I really wanna be productive and creative this year. I'm looking into doing a cheaper form of therapy like a non-sketchy betterhelp or telehealth until I can get back on some kind of insurance plan (i just aged out of my family's plan lol) but I won't like die without it atm, I have a good support system.
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I don't get it why I never got a birthday fundraiser at work. The company has a culture of making these (employee initiative ofc, not higher-ups), I've participated in plenty over the course of 4 years there; I'm friendly with people, they are aware I have birthday because latest years (except for covid year ofc) I'd always bring something nice for everyone to eat, yet somehow no one has ever cared enough to get me something. I guess it's a stupid thing to rant about but I've just seen some coworker that has been only working remotely for like half a year, so never met majority of people even, post on her social media photo of the gift she got from people at work and I guess I'm envious. TF I'm doing wrong?
Ayrt, I would miss having a physical reason for taking a few minutes out. As I said if doing that was normalised and seen as essential, then it would make no difference. But right now I like having a socially acceptable reason to take a break at work or when socialising (at least in pre-COVID times). Pooping would be a better excuse as it takes more time, but it’s not socially accepted to talk about and I and most people find it much more disgusting than peeing.
That being said, I’d pay for a bladder enlargement so I didn’t have to pee so much lol.
he's mentally ill(psychotic) and doesn't want any help. he would never stay with his parents because he thinks they're evil, and my living space is too small for any more people. he "needs" to stay in the city he's in because of the church there, it's part of his delusions.
but thanks for the advice.
if it's in a consolation on the overwhelming majority of people who think they have repressed memories don't it's actually a myth in psychology that is probably one of the most harmful ones. Although in your case you might have something going on there but honestly I wouldn't rack your brain too hard about it because sometimes we just don't like things because we don't like things.
I'm sorry that happened to you though but I'm glad the MTF thread helped you remember so you can get help
I really don’t like eating in front of people, except when it comes to family meals. (Family meals are fine because everyone is eating) -Or even preparing a snack or something for myself, if someone else is in the kitchen I won’t bother. I know realistically that nobody gives a shit about what I eat, but I just feel sick at the thought of someone looking at me taking food and thinking to themselves how fat and greedy and selfish I am.
Even if I eat in my room, one of my family members will just waltz in and announce how ‘it smells like -insert food I’m eating- in here’ and I feel revolted with myself, like they’re catching me eating secretly. Even though I’m just eating my lunch within my allotted calories, in my own time. It’s so stupid, I KNOW it’s stupid, but the intrusive thoughts just pop up and I don’t know how to stop them.
So I’ve been counting my calories recently and I was weighing the last bit of a food out at dinner, and I generally asked my family if anyone else wanted anymore or if I could just have the rest, and my dad piped up with ‘No it’s fine, you can just take it, if you want to be greedy that is!’
I know it was a joke, but my mood just went so low. Later on I asked if red pepper had calories in it (enough that I would have to include it in my calorie count yadda yadda) and once-a-fucking-gain, my dad starts joking about pepper being a spice and girls should just have spices so they don’t gain any weight (he was referencing girls being made of sugar and spice? Or something)
Like I know it’s all stupid jokes, but I can’t even tell him that the comments he makes bother me because he just retorts with my being too sensitive.
I just finished dinner and went to my room and am just sitting here, feeling pissed off at him and at myself for letting him get to me. Pissed at myself for feeling this way about fucking food.
I'm so fucking pissed off about this for some reason but last night I heard some guy sperging out from the apartment complex next to mine and as an avid consumer of gossip and people watching I ran to the window as usual. i'm like 90% sure he was yelling at these two little chubby mexican boys, maybe middle school age at the most, who regularly hang out on their skateboards on the other side of the street. our complexes face a bunch of random warehouses/ autopart businesses so sound kinda echoes over there but kids playing is the least annoying street sound out of all the things you could lose it over (fireworks, losers doing donuts and riding loud ass motorbikes, cats in heat, methheads etcetc) and that's coming from someone with an autistic level of misophonia. didn't catch the whole rant but he straight up said something like "NEXT TIME YOU DO THIS I'M CALLING THE COPS. I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE, I WON'T HESITATE TO SMACK YOU"
like dude just put on some noise canceling headphones if it truly triggers you that much instead of making it about you ffs. imagine threatening physical violence on actual children like that, imagine calling the COPS on them? wtf are the police going to do, there's no rules against 'loitering' by those businesses and the street is technically residential as well you can't possibly be mad that kids are playing in their own neighborhood. you should be glad about it, they could be getting into bad/ dumb shit but instead they're doing something fun and harmless. i wonder if he sperged out about it on nextdoor as well, i didn't get to see what he looked like cuz it was dusk/ post-sunset dark out but he absolutely gives off that unhinged neighbor who cares too much about the neighborhood energy
I am pretty depressed and feeling lost so forgive the dramatics and anger but I am so annoyed at everyone around me. I lost my grandparents and mother about a year ago, and while my grandparents were old and sick, my mother was found very decomposed and it was all very awful. I was already battling with physical and mental illness and then there was a policeman at my door giving me the news and my friend didn’t even reply back to me, I had no one to call and I felt so unreal, everything still does. My mother wasn’t a good person and we were never gonna be best friends but I wasn’t even over losing my only grandparents when she died, but the slight maybe of eventually her cleaning up her act was just snatched away. I didn’t tell anyone except for a few close friends and kept all my social media normal as an escape way but even after explaining my friends that it was a way for me to not be seen as some pathetic pos, they seem to think it just means I am fully okay.
I am so far from okay, I keep thinking the policeman is coming over again, every missed call is another one of my mother’s drinking buddies trying to reach me, my grandparents are still sick and I need to visit but can’t and so on. I know grieving is a lengthy and odd processes and I have been neglecting it due to my own issues because I just don’t have the goddamn strenght to handle the physical and mental issues right now, even though I am trying my best. How the hell can these people think I am okay? Yes, I can joke around, I didn’t have public meltdowns, didn’t call anyone crying but that was mostly due to me not having the time nor anyone to do that to around. This is a fucking bummer and I have seen other anons with similar situations to mine, I wish I could help you guys out or you could help me but I think we all just need to ride it out organically, it’s okay to not be okay and all that jazz. I feel so damn sick, I keep waking up and forgetting everything, the deaths, the pandemic, me being sick for a few minutes until it all hits me at once and it sucks every time. It’s actually almost hilarious because I do seem like a very mellow and the class clown type of person but every shit cloud or something.
why can't lesbians who are trying to date/flirt be filled with the same cocksure nonsense that scrotes get whenever they get a sniff of vagina.
why can we not communicate the nuances of complimenting a qtp2ts choice of shorts.
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee why is it so tough.
I’m really genuinely sorry you’re going through this anon. Please don’t apologize for the “dramatics”, I think it would do you good to drive to a canyon and scream at the top of your lungs. What you’re going through is my own personal nightmare that I recite in my head quite often… as I’m sure it’s a lot of people’s, everyone’s worried about their parents and grandparents right now. The fact that she was found the way she was and that you may have never gotten closure from her not being a “perfect” mom really adds to it, I think what you went through could really be considered traumatic. I think you should open up more about this now so it doesn’t have lasting effects later, whether it be on lolcow or to a therapist or your friends. It sounds like you need your loved ones to know that you’re suffering, but it’s really hard to come out and say it, especially if they aren’t offering and if you’ve often been the strong one in your relationships. I don’t want to tell you what to do or give you advice because I know you are trying your absolute damndest, but even as a stranger I worry and hurt for you buddy. Your friends may not be offering your sympathy because theh are trying to “Play it by ear” and aren’t sure if you want to open up or not. If they were smart they would say “if you need someone to talk to then I’m here” and say it often, but no one understands reallly how or why we react to grief the way we do, and everyone reacts so differently. They’re probably being very cautious with you (or at least I hope so).
I really am sorry for your loss.
Thank you for the reply, too.
I'm glad to hear that you're taking it one day at a time and trying to process things. I still think it would be good to just let your friends know what you told us tonight, (if they don't know). I'm not saying that because I know what's best for you, I don't, and I've never gone through anything as seriously devastating and world-changing as losing three loves ones at once, but I know that I am the type of person who has a really really hard time opening up to people and letting them know I'm hurting. Even just letting out a little "I'm kind of having a hard time right now", letting them reply, and then saying "thanks for letting me get that out, I don't want to talk more about it but I'm glad I could say that" can be a real relief. Just having other people be aware that I'm hurting makes me feel better, because it feels like such a charade to act like I'm fine when I'm not, and it takes up energy that I could be using to process my negative feelings. I wish you the absolute best of luck, and I don't know you but I'll be thinking about you.
Eh, if it makes you feel any better I kind of wish I was flat chested. I by no means have huge boobs, I'm like a 34B, but sometimes I'll wear a sports bra to flatten them out because it for some reason just looks better with my figure I think.
Also if I was flat chested I wouldn't have tha booooob saaaaag
>>732206>look at the difference
Fucking gross moids, you’re beautiful, anon, those retards would fuck a hole full of ants if they could and they would say that Danny devito on a swimsuit is hot if they’re horny enough, which wouldn’t be much.
Don’t pay attention to their useless, meaningless words, I assure you that you look amazing.
i'm getting sus that this is boob job larper scrote fag again from the other thread. sorry if you are actually a girl anon.
Guys need to shut the fuck up about titties. They're really fucking great, whatever size and shape they are and they're way better than sweaty painful hairy balls, and you don't get to have them scrotes, so just go light yourself on fire and trip and fall into a ditch. fuck you forever you ugly POSs
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this is a stupid vent but i’m annoyed that i can’t fit into the ~aesthetic~ i want to. the way i’m build and the way my face looks places me in the sexy curvy med girl category but i want to be skinny waif cassie from skins!!! stupid but i wish i could just be that. even when i’m at a lower weight it doesn’t work.
They're fickle little meaty meatballs in a literal sack of flesh, they're sensitive as fuck and if they get pulled the wrong way it feels like getting kicked in the stomach. Apparently.
Like just the thought of having a sack of skin anywhere on my body, that could get caught in things is horrifying. Its not like a labia, its like way bigger and can stretch.
but you would KNOW THAT WOULDN'T YOU scrote
Ugh, everyone wants to be gamine. Including me. At least all alt girls I see kind of love the gamine aesthetic.
I remember being super sad I couldn't pull of lolita at all because I'm like "dramatic classic" and have a long-ish face. I realized that that uwu cute aeshetic also didn't fit my personality in the slightest and its probably a goood thing I don't look like I could wear it
one of my internet friends from before contacted me and have been using me as some sort of counselor whenever he gets depress about life. it's annoying. i stopped talking to him because all he bitch about years ago was that he was too much of a nice guy and an intellectual and that's why girls don't like him since they prefer assholes that used them. he also like gore anime cause its too deep than mainstream anime, ew.
well, years later, he hasn't changed… i guess but like more aware of his own mentality but still hasn't improved a chunk of it to be honest. he now targets or gets too close with girls who he knows have mental issues like anxiety or depression in hopes to be the love interest that's going to change them to be better or smth. he's telling me that he regrets it all cause the girl he's in love with is, uh, crazy or smth. idk, he insults her but flaunts about his crush on her. its annoying to conclude to be honest. i have always made me replies short and curt and i guess he picked up my tone that i wasn't interested in being his listening ear for his shet anymore.
while he's gone, i still have to deal with a neet that's 'unmotivated' to get a job and do something with his life, he's in mid to late 20s and has been using me, from time to time, rarely at this point, as a lightning rod of his woes. good thing, he realize that avoiding challenges and staying in his comfort zone has made him left behind while his friends, scrotes usually, have went on to do something, a job or a relationship. i've been showing hints that it's his fault for being stuck and that being 'unmotivated' is just an excuse for his laziness.
ghad, it's a good thing i am slowly cutting ties with these two.
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Does she do Ash Ketchum audios?
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God I found an artist on Instagram today who is a year younger than me and much, much better at art. I'm a senior in art school and she only does art for fun and is getting an engineering degree. I wasted my money on a useless degree and I'm still worse than someone with a lucrative degree who does art for fun. I want to fucking kill myself. Art is the only thing I'm good at and I suck more than a younger hobbyist.
I'm ugly, my art is mediocre, I live with my parents, I'm lazy, I have no job, I'm a virgin. I'm absolutely worthless with nothing to contribute to humanity. People with so much less have accomplished so much more than me at a younger age. What the fuck is even the point of existing if I'm just a useless NPC.
Samefag but this silver spoon bitch goes to Cornell, where most students parents make more than 150k a year. Yeah, I bet it's easy to be fucking perfect at everything when mommy and daddy can hire you tutors and you never have to worry about money. Fucking bitch acts like her accomplishments are all the products of effort. No you fucking spoiled brat, everything's easier for you because of your rich parents. I hate that being born into wealth is easy mode.
But no one takes that into account. They just see this fucking prodigy and assume that if you're not engineering-artist prodigy at 21 you're a loser. I'm so jealous and I fucking hate her. I wish I knew what aspects of her life suck so I could feel better.
What the fuck is wrong with me. I know these aren't healthy things to think and feel about a total stranger. Why do I do this to myself. Why can't I stop comparing myself to people to the point that it makes me hate them irrationally like this. She didn't do anything wrong, I'm just a cunt. I'm sorry anons, I know I'm fucking unhinged.
This may be some grade-A dumbass shit, but I bang my head into the wall like a retard whenever I feel a wave of depression hit me. This depression is out of left field; before this I was living the life. I was reasonably happy, well-adjusted, I could sleep when I needed to. Now I have constant nightmares while asleep, and panic attacks while awake. I thought getting a PTSD diagnosis would suddenly make things make sense, and thus I'd get better, but it's the same. I hate acting like this. I'm delusional. I think everyone's out to hurt me.
I helped my brother move into his apartment last week, and his manlet roommate smiled at me. Then, I had to go out to have a panic attack in the car. I wasn't even scared of all men before and now I am? What the hell? I'm angry at my brain because I feel personally, that I'm very rational, but my brain wants to go all lizard mode. Now I got a therapist and she says to try Reiki. What the hell is Reiki, and why would that help? Maybe I should have little faith, but I'm pissed off at my lizard brain, and at my pseudoscience-loving therapist.
I write strong woman this, strong woman that–but I'm weak. Physically and emotionally. I just want to be better. I won't knock reiki before I try it, and I respect that it works for some people, but I might have to get a therapist who actually believes in science to get better…
Reiki is bs
It's clear you have some unsolved issues that you're kind of projecting although its always better to be wary of scrotes than trusting of scrotes
but I swear to God just get a new therapist who doesn't believe in snake oils
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idk how to put this, but I can't imagine how amazing it would be to touch a man I'm actually attracted to. I'm so jealous of women who are close with men they find attractive. Most men are physically repulsing, literally every male I ever talked to in my life was neutral at best or repulsive at worst, I've been truly attracted only to some actors, and most of them weren't even conventionally attractive (so I don't think my standards are THAT high), they were still masculine, fit, well groomed and sexy though. When I think about touching some of the men I see on the street I want to die from disgust. I'm a virgin and I don't socialize at all, so I know I'm not even giving myself an opportunity to meet some men, but I feel like I would never have a chance with someone I find attractive, also I'm not "high value" enough for a HVM man, and I'm too autistic to hold a conversation anyway. Sometimes I'm so fucking horny I feel like I can't take it anymore. I wish I could feel someone else's warmth, I wish I knew what it's like to be hold by a man. But I will never be desperate enough to fuck an ugly scrote, even if he was rich.
Holy shit anon, are you me? So many men are so ugly it makes me sick to look at them. I'm not high value either so it's frustrating. Doesn't help that in my case I tend to thirst over twinks who tend to go ugly after like 25.
I'm bi, but women aren't much better. More attractive on average? Yes, but the majority that I'm attracted to are extremely submissive and clingy. Very off-putting, especially as I'm not a dominant type of woman and I don't care for a relationship right now.
Same, my standards are so so low but even when I get with an ugly guy they feel entitled to me after a few months and think they're on the same level as me looks-wise when they get comfortable.
I'm not super high value either (my autism is powerful), but I'm sure as hell better than some balding, tubby uggo who barely showers.
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I'm tired. I go through these cycles where I'm in child mode/self-indulgence mode, I shit on my responsibilities, I shit on my friends and social interactions in general, turn off my phone, stop reading my emails, stop reading the news and I exist solely in my little cozy bubble of video games, Youtube videos, daydreams and other low-effort activities until someone or something makes me confront with reality (the piled up unwashed dishes start to stink or I have to venture in the dreaded outside world to buy food or something). Then I switch into adult mode, answer the unanswered messages, emails, talk to friends, wash the dishes, wash my hair, work out, apply for jobs, go on interviews, etc. Then comes the first cycle again and everything falls apart. I don't know how to stop this. I'm not depressed, I just truly truly hate reality and responsibilites and being an adult.
I can't imagine ever being comfortable in reality.
Sometimes genuine desires pop up. Like, I want to start drawing again. I want to learn how to play the piano. I want to have a different career. But these would require making real effort. I don't want to exist like this. I hate this double life for fucks sake
You have every reason to take a week off, if not more. I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so frustrating to see people not give a fuck.
Seriously, take a break and go easy on yourself anon. You need it.
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My bf was addicted to porn the whole time we've been together and it's totally mentally destroying me.
He confessed his love to me a few months ago. I found his porno account to check the dates and saw he watched porn not even a day later.
I feel like an absolute cuck queen. I have literal fucking flashbacks, and for a week i could eat. I don't know if I can make this work. The feelings won't go away.
I did and he has quit (though you can never 100% verify).
It feels like I've been cheated on, like, even if he stops the affair does that make the pain ever go away?
Gross. I know a lot of people will probably say you're insecure or whatever, but I think it's absolutely disgusting men will say they love a woman and then go around and fantasize and jerk off while looking at someone else. I mean hell, when I'm not in a relationship I look at perfect qt 2D guys all the time. But when I'm with someone they're the only one I can look at. Why would I have it any other way? Why settle for someone who makes you feel unloved?>>732584
How did he react when you told him to quit? Did he seem genuinely remorseful or just regretful that you caught him? I'd say if time passes and you still can't deal with it you should just leave. Like anon said, even though it doesn't seem like it, there are lots of men who don't feel the desire to ogle and jerk off to other women constantly.
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i am literally going fucking insane because of university like i can’t keep doing this but i’m X amount of months away from graduation and i can’t drop out now but i am so close to the fucking edge i don’t know what to do. i’ve exhausted all options. the support staff in my school and my fucking dissertation supervisor arent emailing me even though they said they would last month multiple times. i’ve gone through disability services, i can’t get an appointment with the doctor and i’m terrified of them anyway. there’s zero support available for me through the school and i’d have to compete against another thousand students alone to get a shitty appointment. i don’t know what to do!!! i cannot keep doing this but i’m going to have to because i have no other options. and even then i’m going to graduate into a fucking dead job market with next to no skills compared to most other people and no job experience but i cant just do a panic masters because i will end up killing myself. i cant talk to my friends about this because they all graduated with firsts last year because their universities were doing as much as they could to coddle them and make sure their grades were as high as possible (must be nice) and i cannot be fucking bothered with them pretending to get it. i cant even talk to my own mother because i know she’ll do the usual ‘well you’re stupid, you should never have gone to uni, i don’t know why you don’t just drop out and move back home, this is your fault’. i’m going fucking crazy like i just really can’t do this anymore hehe i don’t know what to do!!!
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I found this old screenshot of a text from my ex bf yesterday while looking for something else and it really hit me hard. I felt constantly gaslit because for 3 years he was extremely stoic and gentle 99% of the time, but if I got on his nerves he'd snap and tell me how insufferable I am. I really hope he was the one in the wrong, I hope I'm not really this bad.
He once said to me "nobody is ever going to love you as much as you hate yourself." And I think that's going to haunt me until the grave
I hate to say "I went through the same thing" but I did and I still don't know if I should have just taken that semester off and willingly flunked out or pressed on. I just pressed on by the skin of my teeth and the good graces of my teachers for letting me pass with some bullshit half assed projects. I'm kind of glad I did becuase if I would have skipped I don't know if I would have completed my degree because life wasn't getting any easier, but I also made kind of an embarrassment out of myself because I was such a visible mess.
Its perfectly reasonable that you would be feeling this way, and a lot of people do, but especially now because you're facing life after college and it happens to be during covid times.
I can't really tell you what would be right for you, but I can tell you to try not to sweat it so much. Its not your fault if you can't get a job after college considering we're in a pandemic, it takes most people at least some length of time before they do anyway, and don't be hard on yourself if you even flunk out unwillingly. Just let it go man. Just develop a nihilist view on it because in the end you're really stressing about something thats only temporary, as horrible as it feels.
Something really annoying about this was that my teachers noticed how bad I was doing and just chocked it up to "senioritis". I hated that because it was really demeaning but it was honestly the truth. There was a ton of other things going on in my personal life that were really shitty but nothing was worse than the thought of completing school and facing the job market afterwards, and they knew and understood because they had seen it so many times before and had probably experienced it themselves.
The fact you're this concerned shows that you're going to be fine, even though it doesn't feel like it you're internally facing your problems right now. Even if you skip class and you're being avoidant like that, internally you're realizing that things aren't going well and you're facing it and that's something to be proud of and know that you are a well functioning person.
I see a lot of girls have a problem with this and I only half understand it.
I think they feel like the guy is masturbating specifically to the girls in the porno, which I don't necessarily think is true. If he happens to be watching the same girl/same porn repeatedly than I would feel really hurt. But…..when I look at porn I'm not paying attention to the porn stars really hardly at all, I'm more just focusing on the sex act itself, and so I kind of assume guys are the same way.
I've been a total pickme all my life until now though so maybe just take my words with a grain of salt.
On another note, if you are really offended by him looking at other women's bodies I think you should remind yourself that you're a lot more than a body to him. Women in porn really aren't replicating you at all. Also, when me and a lot of other people get in that puppy love stage we kind of look at porn a lot because we'll be thinking about our crush or s/o and just kind of want to get off. I wish I could get off to just the thought of my s/o but yeah porn kind of rots your brain into not being able to and its significantly easier with it either way.
thank you anon, you're really kind and this is exactly the kind of big sis pep talk i've been needing. every part of what you said is exactly how i'm feeling - if i drop out i really don't know if i'll come back and i'll be in debt for nothing, but i'm also sick of half-arsing things and embarrassing myself and generally coming across as a melodramatic idiot. i am also at this weird halfway point between constant anxiety attacks and not feeling anything - objectively, i know that i'm only turning 22 next month, this is an undergraduate BA degree, i can do a masters, i'll be fine, i am not defined by my perfectly fine, relatively above-average university grades. at the same time though i cannot stop comparing myself against people who have had a better chance at succeeding than myself and equating every single bit of my self worth against the fact i've been trying to achieve a first for four years and still haven't succeeded. it's stupid and embarrassing and annoying, but i'm just really going to have to push myself to finish regardless of whatever my final grades are and try and force myself to disconnect from my own insecurities in the next few months. it's just so fucking hard and it SUCKS more than anything.
thank you again for replying to me though. this might be a bit sad but it was genuinely like a nice hug to just read something like that from somebody who could really truly empathise with exactly what i'm going through and tell me that it's going to be okay ♥
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please stop comparing yourself to other people, it never helps, I have done it for the past 7 years and it makes you so mentally ill. Some of the most retarded people, with the most retarded ideas receive the most praise so it's not even like they are examples of people doing the right thing, and most of the time you wouldn't even want to be doing the things they're doing anyway.
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for the past three days i've had three different dreams where my dad and i kill people. my dad died 10 years ago. in the dreams i never see other family members and it's always in a different setting. but i keep dreaming i'm with my dad and we kill two people. don't know who they are.
i've always had confusing dreams about him. a few years back, i had recurring nightmares. where he would be with me (again no other family members). and then he'll say: "i'll meet you at…" then some random place i know. but when i get there, i cant find him and i dont know what to do. then i wake up and remember he's dead.
weirdest shit was that a few weeks before he died i had two nightmares of him dying. and my sister did too. but we never mentioned it to each other till a year ago cause it was weird. in the first nightmare i find him dead. in the next one i'm digging a grave for him. then he dies in real life.
strangest one for is the next. last year i had my first and only psychosis episode. i don't know what triggered it but i insist this doesn't happen to me regularly. i had nightmares every night. and they were all about a demon following me. and i was having paranoia hallucinations the whole thing. but what was weird, in the last nightmare i had, it ended with me finding my dad. i asked him a very personal question. he responds. i start crying and i wake up. then the episode ends? like, i stop having nightmares? right after i dream about finding him? as if he protected me or something? as if it was related to him. i know it wasnt, but i want to believe anons….
now i'm dreaming of killing these two strangers with him. i wonder if something is coming, i'm paranoid of these dreams now… the nightmares about him come and go, i'll have a few of them per year. it's not a regular thing. but whenever they start i feel like freaky shit happens
Hello to both anons,as an ex pick-me with a ex porn addicted gamer bf groomer i want to say with all the fury in my heart DUMP HIM men do not see porn like us they do not just see the pp in the vag sexytime they get obsessed and even crush on these pornstars follow them everywhere they can,basically a parasocial relationship and yes they do compare u to this women.Im sorry but is the truth.
Why are u destroying ur mental health for this dumbass? i have been on full male groups and they literally talk about porn out of nowhere they shit talk gfs/exs because they were not "enthusiastic like the pornos". idk im ESL and my brain is fried rn i would like to resume a lot of experiences with male pornaddicts but i dunno if im using the right words.Love yourself more anon is really not worth it i can assure you.
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>me trying to join some ring shaming groups bc I wanna see some people with shit taste and ugly ass jewelry
I have actually tried to masturbate to things that aren't him and I find it impossible. I can't do pictures or imagination. My mind just goes to him because I love him and only want him.
I just feel mindbroken, because this entire time I assumed his love was like mine. Knowing he spent over a year jerking off to other women almost every other day feels like I have been betrayed.
you are conflating lust with love, men are coomers and to them the correlation doesn't exist. men don't see it as cheating because the woman on screen is just a means to an end.
in their minds it's a simple as "i am horny, therefore i will masturbate to whatever is available online for a quick dopamine hit"
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I’ve been living in a state of abject misery ever since i was 15. Sounds edgy but Igenuinely despise everything my life is. I’m not suicidal because I still have the stupid hope that things will get better but I’m genuinely in pain from how miserable and monotonous my life has been for so long.
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My heart and pucci clenches every day for my 2d husbando and it hurts knowing I will never have this feeling for someone real
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Same here. All we can do is try to make our life better little by little. We can do this nonny
, our life is in our hands
video unrelated -its cute-
No, pornography consumption becomes an addiction. Jerking off to other women is not a biological requirement. Men have gone on for most of human history without isn't any access to hardcore porn and supernormal stimuli.
If he feels a need to coom there was no reason he couldn't come to me. I was always willing. Even if I wasn't there is no need to jerk off 3 times a day.
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How can I stop being addicted to porn? I'm serious. Video unrelated
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Just came back from /meta/ to look at the final award results for 2020. Even though farmers have tried to explain it, I really don't get what's interesting about Shayna and her camwhore drama. I remember trying to read through her threads 1-2 years ago and mostly I just felt embarrassed catching glimpses of her pussy and her awkward porn.
Whenever lolcows go into porn I just can't anymore. Can't read Momokun threads anymore because she's super embarrassing, when Luna Slater posts porn it's horror tier. The last thing I ever wanted was to see these cringey people nude and doing shit to themselves.
not trying to sound rude. but what threads do you enjoy anon?
i personally like shayna threads because she's really dumb and vapid. half of it is the porn yes, but the other half is just seeing her oversharing or making up shit which i find entertaining. i also like luna threads. that's why i'm wondering what you like since i'm the opposite lol.
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I do like Luna's current squatter saga (hoping Lurch gets the book thrown at him soon), but whenever she revs up the porn I have to peace out for a good few weeks until it dies down again and her daddy wired her some more money. It's too low even for her broke junkie ass, her lewds were just as crusty as I anticipated.
Non-porn threads are alright with me, but I just can't stand when they start to dip in that territory cause that's when I nope out. Camgirls and ethots tend to be out of the question.
>>732626>your low self-esteem is depressing, why are you so miserable?>allow me to describe all your faults and how worthless you are in detail
He sounds like a piece of shit so don’t take his opinion seriously.
purely on the way this man texts alone i just KNOW he's insufferable. imagine talking to another person like this and being okay with it. literally unless you have a severe personality disorder or you're abusive
or something there is no reason for that shit>>732609
ot but is that the "karma's got its kiss for me" girl>>732781
i had one of my favorite cyndi lauper songs ruined for me because i was googling around to see if a music video existed for it and ended up on a porn site where they used it as the audio in a fucking machine (?) video and now when that song comes on like 80% of the time i think of that nasty ass video and i hate it>>732824
i saw this on social media a week ago and literally cried ahhhhhh
the text sounds exactly like a text my pedo groomer bf sent me after breaking up with me for 10th time because I was acting like a bpd mess over him cause I knew he never truly loved me and I was obsessed with him.
I leave the judgment to you. Anyway that text was painful as fuck to read.
I would've screamed at his ass too. Also is he driving around in your car?
I understand beginners and all that, but what did he honestly expect? It sucks getting yelled at but he's acting like a baby considering the context and how it was
his fault even if it were accidental.
I think you should apologize for yelling, but don't let him lord that over you cause it's not like it wasn't warranted. He should want to be extra cautious given the circumstances.
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>bf wants to watch superbowl
>I don't like football but he's drinking beer and I wanna get buzzed too
>fuck it, haven't been legit drunk in ages
>empty some rum and a mixer for myself
>he goes into the bedroom during half time
>he fell asleep
>I'm alone and bored and no where near drunk
Let's fuck shit up anon
on the interwebs
we can do the fucking of the shit the up
>>733110>referring to someone as a "hole" because they use sex within a transaction completely negates the fact that they're still a person at the end of the day making their own choices
The dehumanization happens when a group of individuals with financial power incentivizes and pressures a group of people with less power into performing sex acts. Commodifying an act typically had between consenting adults with no ulterior motives. Those less powerful people require finance to live and are bought into performing risky acts for the power group's selfish pleasures.
Do you not see the big irony of tone policing a board of female posters who have bad labels for sex work, meanwhile actual scrotes are committing acts of coercion and violence against sex workers? Do you think men who consume porn are actually against calling women "sluts" and "whores" and "holes" when their top porn searches are for rape, underage, and incest? You think porn consoomers who tell women they're brave for sucking cock actually have respect for them just cause they say it? You're here telling those posters they're being mean because it's the easier 'activism.' If you dared to police men, or put restrictions on men's access to sex work, they'd call for your blood. That's why you're here trying to silence what makes you feel bad, instead of taking on the more problematic
websites who actually perpetuate the subjugation of women.
Secondly, the poster you're referring to didn't call sex workers "holes," >>733050
, you misread that. Thirdly, there's a big difference between someone who's had sexual experiences in relationships behind closed doors versus someone who's made public their exploits in exchange for money. It sucks, maybe you feel that's unfair, but it's true.
>>733125>but what's the issue with calling out both and thinking both are bad?
Because one is inherently more harmful and the root of the problem than the other. Additionally, just because someone thinks sex work and sex workers are bad doesn't mean they can't understand why some choose to do sex work. Those things aren't mutually exclusive either.
You're just making a difficult case for yourself when you act like farmers are dehumanizing sex workers when the reality is men and the sex workers themselves are doing way more objectifying.
That still doesn't mean you can't say that calling people derogatory names is bad though. Yeah, one is a lot worse, but you don't have to completely ignore the other. I'm not saying to act like farmers are worse than men who abuse sexworkers, but multitasking is a thing. >You're just making a difficult case for yourself when you act like farmers are dehumanizing sex workers
Well I mean yeah, calling people by names that reduce them to their genitals is
dehumanizing, sexworker or not. I don't think that's a difficult concept to understand.
Kek you have no idea what kind of activism I engage in on a day-to-day basis. Where did I ever say I was okay with men viewing female sex workers as nothing beyond their bodies? In fact, I said the opposite. Clearly, the men you're describing aren't actually the feminists they claim to be.>To assert that everyone they come across in life will see them as nothing more than a whore is exactly the type of mentality anons swear off of when they encounter men who call them the same names for having multiple partners in monogamous relationships over time.
Do sex workers not do their business behind closed doors too?
Ohhhh sorry. Anon called them daft cunts who rent
out their "holes." My mistake. Because that's definitely more honorable.
How am I tone policing? I literally have no say over who can and cannot post. You're free to post in whatever tone you'd like, but I'm just as free to rebuttal for thinking that it comes off as abhorrent. Just because you use words instead of actions, that doesn't negate the impact. Sex crimes existed before globalized pornography. Prostitution is one of the longest standing actions for mankind. Some do it by choice and others do it by necessity. Except, you'll never know who does it for which unless they tell you. Those anons reduced OP down to her body parts just like pornsick scrotes do. That much was clear. Does your sympathy only extend to sex workers who are forced to do so? Or should they be called whores and sluts too?(infighting)
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i hate having some form of absolutely shitfuck neurodivergency that makes it impossible for me to integrate properly with people. it's been this way since i was a kid. either i can't speak or look anyone in the eye and look like a freak, or engage in complete overzealous discussion of things i like. i can't keep relationships because i only ever want to talk about what select piece of media my brain has taken and made the only thing i can care about. i think i have to accept that i am a queen of benevolent cringe and hope that i do well enough in these last few years of uni to not go full neetmode after.
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I work as a court clerk and I hate my fucking job so much, are all judges and lawyers sociopaths or am I just unlucky fuckkkkk