File: 1599189603091.png (118.21 KB, 275x275, 1597743050349.png)
No. 622665
Last thread
>>>/ot/614253Release your inner anguish
No. 622679
File: 1599191801273.gif (4.95 MB, 300x300, 98C27A4C-856F-48C5-B880-A05C3B…)
i'm so done. my teeth chipped a bit now im even uglier, and can no longer smile. i can't afford a dentist right now. please end my life. should just sell feet pic to make money for a dentist idk, shit sucks.
No. 622707
File: 1599194714096.gif (50.72 KB, 220x165, mikucryingnor (1).gif)
I was just listening to old vocaloid songs I used to listen to in the 2010's and I got so depressed. I miss the days where I was so happy dancing in my room for hours upon hours on end to World is Mine and Po Pi Po, learning the lyrics to Hello, How are You? and crying over Reboot like a happy little weeb. Now I feel like that old scene has died out and most of the people who listened to and loved that era of Vocaloid have completely forgotten about it, the newer music just doesn't have as much inspiration and amazing story-telling, and it's reminded me of how fast time passes. I would give anything to go back to that time and just be a happy little idiot teenager for a while. Pic absolutely related
No. 622716
File: 1599196737313.gif (493.25 KB, 496x279, 1391203998831.gif)
Man, working sucks ass.
Me and my bf are starting new jobs, so our scheduling's a little weird/busy. Tomorrow our mutual friend invited us to watch a movie at like 8pm but my bf said to me that he needs like an hour or two to decompress after he leaves work at 7 (he starts at 11am) so he's not coming. But, like, come at 9 then?? He could've also asked his chill managers to accommodate since it wasn't super last minute. My previous long-term, relationship fucking exploded bc we never hung out unless it was like around midnight cause I worked so much, and eventually he never wanted to hang out with me anyway since "we live together so we don't need to." I'm crying so much atm… it's embarrassing that I'm still letting it affect me this way even though my bf is an angel and this objectively shouldn't be a big deal.
God, I didn't before but now I'm having so many doubts above moving in with him next month. He's trying to make me feel better but I don't know what to say.
No. 622743
Today I woke up and cried. Had a huge fight with bf yesterday and now I'm going to my mom's (unrelated to the fight) for almost a month to keep hep dogs while she's not here.
Yesterday he made me feel naggy for being disppointed and bowling my eyes out because after months of (mostly me) talking mariage, he was apathetic at best. I would have taken a FUCKING no and changed my plans accordly, but nope, he looked "kinda" on board.
He "offered" me something that was something HE liked and I noped that bs, said he was fucking selfish and lazy and to get me something else I like (we've been together 10+, how hard could it be? I got him a pendant with meaning in the firt 5-6month of our relationship and he's still wearing it).
He made me gave him a fucking ultimatum, making myself hate even more for being a fucking cliché cunt.
He finally got a necklass right. It made me happy for a day. And then it dawned on me that I shouln't have to fucking scream and cry to get a proof we're together for realsies.
I just wanted a trinket and him on one knee asking not jockingly ffs. I feel so cheated and sad.
Now I'm the villain, apparently I only say this stuff because I'm tired (I am, really tired, and tired of his antics) and that there are "ton of other thing he does for me I neveraknowledge".
He tried to bargain and gaslight until I ultimately said just plain NO, ok, you win. No marriage. Ok, no symbolic bond (it has no symbolism to him, of course). I said I'll stay for the time being but if I'm not married to him, maybe I'll choose another guy over the next few years, because if you're not married, tha't how it is, right?
So yeah. Kinda need a hug nonnie. I know I'm stupid. I know I shouldn't have hoped anything from a man. But I'm so fucking sad and dispppointed.
I guess it's true I'm the only one that can myself me happy.
I'll find a really nice piece of jewelry and just buy it myself. Maybe that'll help the sadness and disappointement. Or maybe something else that won't make me think about being this miserable.
No. 622745
>>622743Anon I"m sending you hugs during your tough time and hope you feel better but I gotta be honest, I read that whole post twice and have no idea what you're saying.
The only thing I think I correctly understood is that he tried to gift you a piece of jewelry but you threw a fit and told him to go get you something different because you hated it, which is honestly not how you should act if someone tries to give you a gift. If he was hurt he has a right to be, maybe you should just reach out and make up?
No. 622747
File: 1599202332258.jpg (62.19 KB, 720x980, FB_IMG_1597171646172.jpg)
I can't sleep unless I count my inhales and exhales or else I will start thinking too much (usually about my parents dying) and a breakdown, start crying and such. If I get distracted for even 2 seconds it's this all over again. It's so exhausting. This has happened 3 times tonight already. I wish I could sleep normally again.
No. 622751
>>622745NTA, seems like the jewelry thing is just symbolic of anon's real issue - that they've been together 10 years and he doesn't seem to have any interest in marrying her. And she has every right to be concerned tbh.
>>622743Don't get stuck being a forever gf anon. If he doesn't want to commit and marriage is important to you, you need to seriously reevaluate your relationship. I can't imagine being in that situation because that's a long ass fucking time but you shouldn't have to cajole him into marrying you. He should want it too.
No. 622754
>>622753Is she just someone online or actually someone he knows irl?
Either way if you’re having those emotions they should be directed at him
No. 622756
>>622745I was rambly, sorry.
He got me a first necklass (I don't like rings). It was a necklass about something HE only likes and I don't care about (and he knows it).
I know I sounds like a 5 yo and that he tried and shit, and that you should be gracious about gift.
But it was a 20/30€ necklass (again didn't care about the price) but it's fucking reasonnable. It was supposed to be my engagement gift.
But honestly, after all of this, it was just too much. He could have gotten me a cheap pendant of a cat and that would have been awesome. But he chose somehting symbolic to HIM (and only him and he knew it) (also apparently pendant have symbolism but not marriage).
Maybe I'm throwing a real tantrum and I'm asking too much? Is that it
nonnie? I don't even know. It just hurt so bad.
No. 622761
>>622756My best advice is to put it all out there. Don't expect him to know what you want, tell him. Tell him what you just told us, without yelling or name calling, that marriage is very important to you, that he seems to be on the fence about it, how it hurts you and ask him to talk to you about his feelings regarding marriage. Try to do it calmly, but be honest with him. Tell him that you feel completely disregarded.
If you don't reach a conclusion that leaves you both feeling closer and more understood or he doesn't want to work through it at all, it might be time to consider ending the relationship.
No. 622762
>>622756Anon, my sympathies go out to you, but if you have to coerce someone into a marriage, that marriage is doomed to fail. It seems you've come to a point in your relationship where you need to decide exactly what will make you happy and move forward from there. If marriage is important to you but not important to him, it may be time to decide whether a.) You're willing to move forward with the relationship with no expectations of marriage but try to make it healthy and happy or b.) End the relationship and move forward with your life and pursue a relationship where you and your partner have similar values.
Also it really isn't right for you to lash out at him just because you didn't like the jewelry he gifted you, it comes across as spoiled and immature behavior and if I were him, I'd be upset too. My ex gave me a gift while we were together that had a correlation with Harry Potter, and even though I don't care about Harry Potter I still cherished it because it was something he saw, thought was beautiful and thought would look lovely on me.
No. 622766
>>622762You're right. He never gives me gifts and I respect that (it's just not who he is) but I just wanted him to make a tiny effort so I would feel like he gets me? At least for this one big occasion.
Idk. I guess I can't explain it more and yes, I probably have thrown a tantrum now that I look at it your way (It wasn't really the only thing going on but still not a excuse).
I'll try to be less of a spoiled brat in the future.
Thx for advice
nonnie, I really needed the perspective.
No. 622799
>>622760>There is no good reason why he should be liking her pictures. I had something similar happen to me. It was really eating me away, so finally I sat my bf down, told him I feel insecure especially because I'm seeing her liking only the pictures that exclude me, he understood my worry, said he didn't even think much about it and didn't realize it may look like this, but undrestood my worries and suggested himself he can delete her from his friends if I prefer.
tl;dr try being very open and communicate how exactly you feel, being a "cool girl" that never gets jealous is very self destructive. Hope it works out ok!
No. 622835
>>622760this
>>622799 is the best advice, so seconding it by suggesting you tell him it make you feel insecure. 9 times out of 10 guys really don't realise how it looks, so give him the opportunity to fix the problem before it builds into something much bigger.
No. 622838
>>622777I feel this. I worked my ass off to get through university and to create a career for myself, stressed to the point I'm surprised I didn't start balding but I made it and now I have a position where I'm paid extremely well. The salary of course comes with responsibility and sometimes un-paid overtime. Yet I got people my age constantly being jealous of me and making snarky remarks about me being spoiled and privileged. God, while I was sweating through the mud verging on a mental breakdown you lazy fucks were busy playing video games and enjoying your time being hedonistic slackers while mommy wired you money every time you were in a trouble so you didn't have to take responsibility.
>The worst is when you get the people who can't even not keep their mouths shut when they hear about your new job talking about how they could never do the office life.This is such a cope for them. I worked underpaid shit retail jobs before and I'm much happier in a stuffy office than going through that hell again. And I don't have to sacrifice my self-respect to e-beg people because I spent the last $400 I had on shitty merchandise I'm going to get bored of in 6 months.
No. 622852
File: 1599219208792.jpg (117.98 KB, 750x432, 20200207_230048.jpg)
I'm having a really rough day and I know it will pass but it still sucks.
I feel so unlovable right now. I'm a poor fuck with a dead end job, bpd fag that lives at home and despite trying isn't going anywhere in life. I told myself I'll try my best to fix my life until I'm 30, if it doesn't work then I'll just off myself. I've got 4.5 more years to go and am trying hard but not acomplishing shit and since I don't have anything worth offering I feel like I can't date. Not to mention I don't want kids and have a preference for women, which makes this x times more difficult. I just fucking hate everything right now.
No. 622944
File: 1599231371801.png (1.22 MB, 1080x1079, Screenshot_2020-07-17-14-59-17…)
Im fucking pregnant and getting an abortion next week. Having trouble deciding on a method… Any anons got exp?
No. 622948
>>622944If you're under 6 weeks the pill option will be easier on you and cheaper. Years ago I got an abortion but I was already at 8 weeks so I was given only the surgical option. I was young and scared as fuck but the doctors and the nurses were really nice, they went with full anesthesia and according to my ex it took only 15 minutes for me to leave the waiting room then come back while I felt I slept for hours.
Get ready to bleed for a month tho, no tampons/cups or sex allowed.
No. 622951
>>622938Regardless of your attraction to him, that lifestyle isn't good for himself nor is it good for you. Do you live together?
Just tell him you're concerned because you see that he isn't eating right and seems more tired and it's not doing it for you anymore. Unless he's ordering out, make it so there's no junk food he could eat in the house and urge him to go on walks with you. Exercise may help his sleep regulation. If nothing else changes you're going have to be blunt and tell him you aren't attracted to him anymore unless there's effort being made.
>>622944Do the pill. For some reason this anon
>>622948 was lucky with her surgical option. On both occasions when I've had a surgical abortion, I felt pain even with so-called intravenous pain relief. I never got knocked out, maybe the places I went were sadistic idk. Whereas the pill is basically a period.
No. 622962
>>622949There's a few that I would spare. Much as I vent about men on here, it's a mixed bag for me.
I have one ex where everytime I hear about a car crash fatality in his area I check the article and hope that it's him. Not just because he abused me but because word got back to me that he's abusing someone else right now. And there's kids in that house stuck witnessing it.
No. 622966
>>622957Nope. The only way it would is if you've had scarring from malpractice or not taking the antibiotics afterward and getting an infection. It's like asking if pregnancy and childbirth affect your ability to get pregnant again in the future. Maybe if you've had a traumatic injury and infection, but otherwise nah. Your body goes through way more traumatic shit giving birth than having an abortion.
Anecdotal evidence, but I know I can get pregnant after having those surgical abortions because I got pregnant again after those and opted for a pill abortion which was way easier. I've been on really potent bc for the past several years so I couldn't tell you now, but maybe if I get it removed and try for a planned pregnancy with my current bf, I will let you know results.
No. 622975
>>622969That's different because that has to do with your actual cervix.
When you have an abortion or childbirth, your cervix needs to dilate and contract but other than that there's not much else to do with it during those matters.
No. 622982
>>622743The fuck? Do you have a bunch of femcels and LARPers replying to you lol
You’ve been with this scrote for 10 years sucking and fucking him but not only does he not want to commit to you, just keeping you on the hook. He went out of his way to throw you a passive aggressive ass 20€ “”””gift“””, literal bone, only after you got upset???
>>622766>He never gives me gifts and I respect that (it's just not who he is) but I just wanted him to make a tiny effort so I would feel like he gets me? At least for this one big occasion.You’re settling so fucking hard it’s depressing. It’s supposed to be an engagement gift but it is literally something my 14 year old boyfriend gave me in high school. He’ll give you a ring pop in church because
it’s meaningful ??
Time to start planning a different route anon. This man has gotten too used to your low maintenance nature for a decade, he is not going to change. You will not be able to ask for anything without it upsetting his comfy zero effort idea of a relationship. He’ll resent you more every day. Thank god you’re not married.
No. 622988
>>622884It’s not the end of the world, anon. Are you on meds for adhd? It’s possible to learn to cope with it better, you just need time and the right treatment. Might be a good idea to go to your gp about mental health stuff too if you haven’t already
I was in a similar position to you, dropped out of uni due to mental breakdown though. Felt shit at first but on reflection I realise how ill I was. When Covid stops fucking life up, I’m going back to do a healthcare degree - Student Finance allows another loan for those and some other science degrees as they’re considered valuable. Might be an option for you once you’re feeling better and if uni/career is really important to you. Thought I’d mention it as I didn’t know it was a thing until recently
I hope life gets better for you soon
No. 622989
>>622975There's a lot of misinformation and scare mongering where I live around abortion. It was only made legal here two years ago but one of the arguments against it was
"women will use abortions instead of birth control, then they'll become infertile from all the abortions and the tax payer will have to fund their IVF then too"
I was having my own issues at the time and I'd walk past these prostesters every day. Old men wanting to talk to me about reproductive rights while I'm on my way to a fucking colposcopy clinic. Which they probably don't want the tax payer funding either.
No. 622992
>>622982based, thought i was crazy reading all of the initial replies. get some standards you bitches, my god.
>>622743listen to her, anon.
No. 622999
>>622990Or that she was rushed and flustered while making the other things so it came out bad overall? It happens, one bad meal doesn't mean someone can't cook overall.
>>622983Hopefully someday you can look back on this disaster and laugh about it. Maybe when you succeed at making a roast next time! One time my sister made meatloaf and ended up dropping the entire thing in the sink when it was finished. It's alright.
No. 623002
>>622989I figured but I didn't want to assume. "Abortion is dangerous" is a favorite talking point of the anti-choice, despite the fact that pregnancy and childbirth are much more damaging and likely to result in death. They hate hearing that women are way more likely to die in childbirth and are statistically safer with abortion.
I'm really sorry you have to put up with that level of ignorance.
No. 623008
>>622743Is this one of those relationships where you've been together for so long that you fear you'll lose that time-investment if you walk away? I mean your ultimatum was that you'd stay for another few years and then see? That's one pushover ultimatum.
When was the last time that you'd say you felt really content within the relationship?
No. 623011
>>622990>>623000This must be the same troll from upthread telling that poor anon to quit being upset about her scrote giving her a thoughtless necklace after 10 years of being together.
Fuck off.
No. 623022
>>623011anon
microwaved roasted veg. she is a shit cook.
No. 623046
>>622983Idk why people are angry at you and not your bf. You went to the trouble of making an elaborate meal and he just sat there watching you get stressed instead of helping? He pigged out on garlic bread and then compared you to his mother? The only detail missing is him banging his knife and fork on the table like a spoiled toddler. Girl, you're doing way too much for someone who isn't even giving you an ounce of respect back. He could have offered to make the gravy or keep an eye on the roast while you had a drink or something to relax. He could have also pretended to like it, like I do when my bf has a cooking disaster.
Like some anon said above, hopefully you can look back on this one day and laugh. That's the best attitude to have. It's one roast out of the many you will make, that one meal doesn't define your cooking skills. Everyone has off days. You'll always have another opportunity to impress people.
No. 623125
>>623077Anon are you me? I used to cry all the time over everything and I just thought I was a really weak person, but I left my ex and went off birth control and now I only cry about once a month. I used to break crying on the floor sobbing if my ex sent me a text cancelling plans at the last minute to hang out with friends, but now I can hear really bad news and not even cry, just think about how I can handle it.
I’m happy for you for getting to a happier place too!!!!!!
No. 623148
>>623136So you got tested after him yeah?
Cause him accusing you of having given him something could either be seen as a warning (meaning he's been a carrier for awhile and genuinely believes he got it from you), or dangerously pathetic (meaning he doesn't keep track of his testing enough to know when he got it and is just going down the list of women he's slept with recently hoping one of you freaks out and owns up to it).
No. 623150
>>622992>>622982Dunno what to think anymore. We had another dispute where he weakly apologized for being such a flake and I flat out didn't accept it.
Looks like now he's chasing me because I look like I do want out. He outright lied to my face that he wanted it all along but it's oh so hard to get on one knee and show feelings.
Marriage is now off the table for me, for sure. I feel done and it's a blessing I had to travel back to my own country just now anyway.
What bothers me is that I still love him, he's still my best friend. We also have financial ties and pets. This really sucks and I still want to wail my disappointment and sadness. I need to get it out but also have to zip it.
Can't even tell my mom tomorrow and cry on her shoulder, I can't worry her before she goes to the hospital. That would be fucking cruel. Gonna have to look all cheery and hope she can't see though it.
The kicker : it's his rpg night so welp no time to even try to mend all of this before I'm gone. I can have some peace at least.
No. 623154
>>623136I had a guy contact me soon after sex saying that he had hep C and to go get myself tested. I looked up hep C and it said it usually comes from injecting drugs and it has such incredibly low transmission rates through sex that even my anxious ass didn't flinch once I read the numbers. He said this after I'd already lost interest in him and stopped responding so to this day I think it was some weird revenge plan to get me stressed out and rushing to a clinic.
I tested for everything eventually and all good. Put me off casual sex knowing that the moment you move on (y'know no commitment so we're not fucking forever anyway) that they'll play mind games or pull weird stunts for attention.
No. 623155
>>623030How come this got a redtext for infighting when anon(s) responded to OP's vent baiting and being a cunt in the first place?
Why is it okay for people to be assholes with impunity in this thread, but if the person being attacked claps back they get a ban for "infight." Moderation fucking sucks.
No. 623157
>>623150Anon that sounds depressing, he knows you're upset yet he can't put off his fucking rpg night to try and mend things with you even though you're leaving tomorrow for a month, that's a huge red flag if you ask me. As the other anons said, he's gotten used to you being low maintenance.
Sounds like you feel codependent on this relationship because it's all you've known for the past 10 years and you're afraid to call it off even though you seem to be miserable
No. 623159
>>623157Yeah, sunken costs, fear of being alone, having to start again…
I feel like a toddler shooting that it's not fair. I worked so hard, tried to be a good low maintenance gf and this is all I get for it?
I guess I'm just an idiot.
No. 623169
My boyfriend is an extremely selfish person. Every time I have to ask him to do something for me, he accuses me of being useless, dumb or similar. He always claims that I only want to take advantage of him when actually I have to choose the best moment to ask him for things or I even have to give him something in return or he just won’t do it (I.e. if I have to buy something specific of one shop, I have to tell him that we’ll get lunch later or he won’t feel motivated). He’s lazy, so lazy for things that he doesn’t want to do or get involved with.
When it comes to things that he does want though, he’s the fastest he has ever been to do it. And it hurts me. Because when he wants to see his friends, he will always wake up early, go to their friends’s and of course will spend the whole day there if they ask so, not even complaining or deciding not to go.
Right now he screamed at me in front of his father, calling me useless and his father of course defended me because he knows how his son is a lazy piece of shit (he’s also tired of having to ask him to do things for him), and then he got mad at us and throw a fit.
Sometimes I wonder why do I keep trying, my fear of being alone is more strong than anything, I’m afraid I won’t ever find anyone that will love me but then I start to think that maybe out there is someone for me who won’t scream every time he gets pissed, someone who doesn’t call me useless day after day, someone who will be proud of having me as a partner and not ashamed.
Idk I just can’t stop crying and asking myself of did I end up like this, being this miserable joke who accepted and assumed this abuse as love.
No. 623176
>>623169You're already alone anon, all you have is the title of saying that you have a boyfriend and he's a piece of shit.
You might as well be single, if not to make your life easier, but so your chances of meeting someone who may treat you in the way you deserve won't be at 0 like it is now.
No. 623177
>>623169Being alone is way better than being abused, speaking from experience there.
The break up is always hard, initially you might find it incredibly hard to let go but wait til all that weight gets lifted off you. Day after day of nobody calling you useless. You'll start to believe in yourself again.
No. 623180
>>623169Oh anon, please, please leave this man. Whatever good things there are about him, which there doesn't sound like any, they do NOT outweigh this horrendous behavior and how it makes you feel. Like
>>623176 said, "you're already alone," in this relationship, and it IS so much better to actually be alone than with someone who makes you feel lonely, and worse, abuses you. Rooting for you. Scrotes die.
No. 623200
>>623193I don't have anyone else, I wish I could say I have family or friends to run to but I don’t. Not even a home. Nothing else. Nothing else.
He tore me apart and now I can hear him laughing while watching YouTube videos, while I’m having an anxiety attack and I can’t even tell anything else (or breathe loudly) because he’ll start screaming again.
No. 623201
I'm feeling very frustrated and just so done with everything anons. My life keeps spiraling more and more out of my control and it's so exasperating because I have a faint idea of how to make things at least a bit better, but it's like I have a fucking lock that won't let me move forward. From my childhood, to my teenage, to my adult years I've been looking forward to that one moment I would finally find a bit of "emotional relief", but at this point I have so much baggage I can't see a future where I'm actually happy. Nothing, not a single thing I dreamed of became a reality. I don't know, I wasn't dealt a good hand at life and I was always aware of it, but I always thought I would sooner or later be able to figure shit out before it was too late, and now it is late and everything is exactly the same as it was 15 years ago. The worst part is I've been toying with the idea of just ending it all but I'm not even brave enough to do it, so instead I keep wallowing in self pity hoping that maybe if I wait a bit longer shit will get better. Dunno, just wanted to vent a bit, I will probably feel less shitty tomorrow but today is one of those days.
No. 623207
>>623200I went to a shelter two years ago, no family to fall back on. Had
a few stressful weeks after that trying to sort out housing but these things only escalate if you stay.
No. 623218
>>623201Hey anon, you're allowed to feel the way you're feeling right now, but you don't deserve to feel so downtrodden and fed up with life. Please don't give up. Take it from an old bitch like me who thought everything was awful and spent days fantasising about killing myself. It took time for life to give me a break from all of the bullshit, but it eventually eased up and I had a moment of clarity and knew what to do when the opportunity came into my grasp. Life can change so quickly, for better or worse, but I believe you will be given your respite soon, anon. Don't let your negative feelings go entirely - use them to propel yourself through life. Get angry and fuel your passions. What do you enjoy doing? I find I am most creative and alive when I am feeling the way you do, but I make it into a positive and it restores the balance I need. I'm sorry if I am rambling on, but I do truly believe that the world wants you to stick around and keep kicking ass. And you're right, today might be diabolically shite, but tomorrow might be your day of change, too. You got this, anon. We're all here for you.
No. 623256
>>623252Same OP but of course you have no money, no family, and no assets of your own. Abusers froth at the mouth for women like this. If you do have any semblance of independence then they’ll take it away from you. The point is to isolate and own you so that you can’t leave.
Well the truth is that you can leave. And you definitely should for your own safety OP. Please keep in mind that around 33% of murdered women are killed by their romantic partners.
No. 623339
Sorry for the wall of text, but I need to get this off my chest anons.
I hate feeling like I never had a chance to even feel genuinely happy and "normal." Because ever since I was kid, I always felt extremely depressed and daydreamed about killing myself for most of the day. What sucks even more is that nobody around me gave enough of a shit to fucking help me get better. Like, I think people can agree that it's not normal to have a 6-year-old self-harm by hitting herself in the head and talk about wanting to never wake up, yet my family didn't think twice about that! They never tried to get me help, instead they would just emotionally/physically abuse and neglect me until I did something drastic enough to have the school call them after they baker acted me. They'd temporally care about me before, so their reputation wouldn't get ruined before going back to ignoring me and treating me like I was expendable. They couldn’t even tell my grandpa (the one who loves me the most in this shitty world) that I was in the hospital for a week in a comatose state because of a failed suicide attempt out of fear that he would look at them negatively! And because I was so used to be taken advantage of by the people who were supposed to care about me the most in life, I let others, men and women, use me as well! All because I have this innate drive to please others and want to be considered “good” by them, because I wanted my existence to be validated by them. And because of that, I've been so traumatized by men taking sexually advantage of me, that I’m only comfortable enough to date women even though I’m bisexual lol.
Nowadays, at the age of 23 I'm so depressed and numb that I don't even have the energy to call or text people anymore. All I can do is force myself into a routine where I do nothing but go to school and work full-time. Nothing in my life brings me joy anymore and I can't focus on shit without being distracted with thoughts of wanting to off myself, unless I abuse the fuck out of my adhd meds so I can focus on doing things I used to love, like playing video games for a couple of hours. What's even more sad is that I only imagine myself living to the age of 25 which fucking terrifies me but also excites me because I only have to keep up this charade, I built up for a lil while longer.
Honestly though, a huge part of me is so goddamn tired of feeling this way and wants to seek desperate help. That part tells me that things will get better in the future, that I just have to stick around long enough to see it. But the other part of me just accepts that this is how I'm supposed to feel for the rest of my life and hopes that I'll have better luck in the next life.
No. 623346
File: 1599271171605.png (371.57 KB, 540x540, tumblr_eb77fcf2832b739a738ddb0…)
>started talking to cute guy earlier in the spring
>first few months he's super sweet and complimentary, engaged in conversation and regularly makes effort to text in the morning, periodically throughout the day and say goodnight, acts really interested in getting to know me and convos never feel forced
>6 years older so seems more mature (in hindsight this should've been the first red flag tbh gals, i'm in my early 20s)
>things start to get a little spicier, start giving him nudes/sext, he's really happy about this and most convos soon always come back to sending nudes/sexting
>time progresses, original sweetness and majority of effort wears off, endearing nicknames replaced with 'bimbo' 'slut' 'his bitch' etc etc., compliments now rare and replaced with degrading 'teasing'
>barely texts first now, takes days to respond unless double/triple text, doesn't seem interested in getting to know me anymore and mainly only responds to dirty talk
This dude's got so many nudes of me and I'm so mad at myself for not seeing that he's just using me for fap material sooner. He seemed so genuine and sweet in the beginning and I wish I could erase his memory because I don't want him to know me like that anymore. Wish COVID would end so I could fight him on sight but he'd probably like that too
No. 623351
File: 1599272075975.jpeg (47.63 KB, 480x434, 20760B5C-AE40-4765-89B5-9094D9…)
>>623346Stop.
Sending.
Scrotes.
Nudes.
Unless you have something from him of equal of greater revenge power fucking stop.
Ghost him assess your losses and know you deserve better because you do
Don’t let anyone speak to you like that because you should already fucking know you don’t need his reassurance/attention to feel happy
No. 623356
>>623346I swear you posted this exact same response with the same reaction pic in another thread.
Also, you're really pathetic for sending a dude nudes for no reason. Love yourself
No. 623366
File: 1599273502481.jpg (36.93 KB, 622x394, tumblr_dcece80b59f8763f1544440…)
I've barely gone on here the past month and coming back I'm realizing just how bad this site is for my mental health. I like a lot of the unfiltered opinions and actually being able to speak my mind without having my gender used against me but fuck some of you are so miserable and joyless it bleeds into everything else.
No. 623367
>>623355I know it shouldn’t do much, but reading your reply honestly helps tremendously and it really means a lot to me to know that I’m not alone in this world when it comes to these feelings.
Anyways thank you for reading and taking the time to reply to me, I hope good things come your way, kind anon!
No. 623370
>>623359You shouldn’t feel like you failed as a sister when you’re trying your best to help your brother despite having PTSD from the abuse he’s done to you throughout the years. And I know you feel guilty for not being able to help him, but it’s honestly difficult to help people who are hardcore schizophrenics. Plus there’s only so much you can do to help him without having to jeopardize yourself and your mental health.
And these might be dumb questions but is he currently seeing a doctor or taking meds? And are you the only family he has or does he have others he can rely on?
No. 623373
>>623366You know what? That's a
valid way to feel. Some people find sites like this cathartic, but for some people they find it bad for them like you do. I hope you can stay away for good one of these days. I think there are some sites that block you from other sites (usually social media focused) that you might consider using?
No. 623380
File: 1599274948665.png (227.73 KB, 880x756, 85-852239_emoji-emojis-emotico…)
Really sad right now because I found out the manlet I was crushing on at work quit (or maybe he got fired Idk, all I know is he's not on the schedule anymore)
I'm also sad because he never asked for my number. I'm never gonna see him again
No. 623384
>>623382Nta but I did that for like 2 days to find out what the hell was the deal with that board and I couldn’t take it. They would post so much shota/mommy shit lmao
They really are just a bunch of psychos with mommy issues.
No. 623413
>>623403I know right
I found his Facebook, but I feel like contacting him there would come off as weird/stalkerish
No. 623540
>>623402My cat had the exact same symptoms and when I took her to the vet she had diagnosed pancreatitis.
It's important that she eats because it can lead to liver failure which is not only deadly but extremely painful.
I know I'm scaring you but mention that to your vets.
In order to determine that they need to do a blood lab test which is kind of costly.
No. 623604
>>623586Anon I've never heard of something like that happening, what the fuck. You should change therapists immediately and do what
>>623600 said, that's disgusting and he could get his license revoked revoked for it.
No. 623632
>>623594>>623596>>623600>>623604>>623607Thank you so much for all the responses on my post, I really appreciate it. I don't have a big support network so I didn't have a lot of places I could talk about this.
To
>>623594 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anyone should have to go through that. It's just that even after I calmed him down, he said that his anger towards me was completely justified so for a moment I was wondering if there was any situation in which this could possibly be justified.
Also
>>623604 unfortunately I'm no stranger to seeing this kind of behavior in therapists. It's unacceptable but it still happens because at the end of the day therapists are still people and they can be just as stupid and cruel as the average person, even though they're not supposed to be.
He runs an independent practice but I found him through the Psychology Today website. Should I send them a message about it, or would that be stupid? I don't expect them to take him off at all, but if (God forbid) more people come and complain about him over time it could build a trail of sorts. I'm not sure which licensing board I should be going to about this either, should I just go based off our location? Sorry if these are stupid questions, of course I will be looking into it myself as well.
I found a therapist who seems like she might be a better fit for me. I hope she will be able to take my insurance but if not I think I'll take a break from therapy and just try to help myself, as unrealistic as that sounds.
Thank you very much again to everyone who responded. I would be glad to come back and give updates after I leave him.
And if anyone is reading this who's in a similar situation, please don't be like me. I've been seeing this guy for two years now, and I tried so hard to make it work the whole time. But you shouldn't have to do that. I kept wondering what was wrong about me that I wasn't receiving the kind of care other people were talking about with their therapists. But you will come to realize that a therapist's ineptitude doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you.
No. 623661
>>623632are you american, anon? the procedure for reporting therapists depends a little bit on which country you are in (more the continent, really. it's fairly similar for both america and canada, different elsewhere) you should report him to his licensing board, and you can also report him to the ethics committee of his professional association if you want to go through multiple channels. they will take this seriously and it could help prevent someone in a more vulnerable position get badly hurt, maybe even traumatized if he escalates his outbursts or takes them out on a suicidal or already freshly traumatized patient.
not that it was acceptable or "less wrong" to do this to you, of course, just emphasizing how horrible his behaviour could become, left unchecked, in case you're apprehensive or having doubts about reporting him. so sorry this happened to you, anon. i hope this pattern of therapists being inappropriate with you ends here. you didn't deserve this and it was not justified. seems like a precursor to him escalating things later, in my opinion
No. 623670
>>623632Anon I'm
>>623594 and that's not what I meant, sorry for my poor wording! I just meant that; of course it's not acceptable in any circumstance and I was surprised you even had to ask because it's so obviously never okay. I hope I make more sense this time.
Good luck!!
No. 623750
File: 1599339352528.jpg (Spoiler Image, 40.13 KB, 402x514, 20200905_165407.jpg)
Someone in the trading card community i'm a part of got sent a photo of a dead/taxidermy mouse in a DM and she's really upset about it. The person on IG who did it is apparentrly 13 years old and is being called out on it by multiple people, but there's seriously one bitch replying to me and telling me not to be mean to this person because they didnt know any better. I honestly hate the super young generation of forgiving someone's actions because their age. 13 is def old enough to know not to send a dead mouse photo to a trading card community. it had nothing to even do with the purchase. I called her mentally unstable and the person told me that was 'wrong to say.' What the fuck is WRONG with these bitches
No. 623767
File: 1599340570137.jpg (28.59 KB, 690x720, FB_IMG_1597174091543.jpg)
MOM WTF STOP LEAVING HOME YOU CAN BARELY WALK 3 STEPS WITH A MASK WITHOUT FEELING THE NEED TO SLIDE IT DOWN
WHYYYYYYYYYY
WHENEVER SHE DOES THIS MY ANXIETY SPIKES SO MUCH I WON'T SLEEP EASILY AGAIN FOR DAYS
No. 623829
>>623750>>623768Go back to your safe zone autist before I show you something to be
triggered about
No. 623857
File: 1599349094025.jpg (78.58 KB, 1100x619, only judy can judge me.jpg)
I was in a situationship with my prof for way too long and now that he has moved on to at least one other former student of his, he refuses to return something that I let him borrow. I've been asking him for months now to mail it to me since we live in different cities but he clearly has no intention of doing so. I'm literally going to take his ass to small claims court and drag the fuck out of him with the full force of the law.
No. 623875
File: 1599350110209.jpg (70.95 KB, 512x488, unnamed.jpg)
I said I wasn't gonna browse LC anymore, but here my dumb, clown looking ass is again
No. 624051
>>624044Same where I am, anon. The older generation bitches about how we would be able to afford houses if we stopped buying takeout coffee, ignoring the fact we’d have to stop that for like 120 years before we’d save enough for a property lol
I think the market has to crash at some point though. Like rent and other expenses can’t get much higher in some places, most people won’t be able to afford it at all and those with the option to will go back to living with family and landlords will get fucked if they don’t lower their prices
That’s what I’m hoping for anyway
No. 624055
>>623832i do this and i don't understand how it takes my enjoyment from the movie.
spoiler autists are insufferable retards.
No. 624056
File: 1599389335680.png (102.18 KB, 252x260, tumblr_inline_mht6mpdYbU1qz4rg…)
I'm so so stressed, and sad and lonely. This pandemic, this entire year has been a complete shitshow and I'm so close to kermiting because god it's so overwhelming.
I have no job other than the odds and ends I'm able to do online and I have to get my life together in the next months because I have to find someplace new to live and mentally I can't process it because it means a new chapter of my life and leaving a lot of things I'm not ready to leave/cope with. I don't know how the fuck I'm going to be able to afford this during this dumpster fire of a pandemic when I can't even handle going to the store before getting incredible anxiety. The cost of everything is so, so expensive and its so defeating, I am truly at a loss of everything at this point and its tearing me up. What the fuck am I going to do
No. 624060
>>624055infact, samefag, spoiler autists are the ones who ruined movies by making creators wanna come up with "unspoilable" plots with soooo many twists and turns i bet you didn't guess what's gonna happen next!! let's all speculate on reddit about the surprise villains!! i bet you didn't guess that, spoiler warnings ahoy!
it's pleb tier. there is more in movies than just about how oooh so surprised you can be by one.
No. 624068
File: 1599390322810.jpg (42.44 KB, 748x711, Efrx5E5VoAEyaSN.jpg)
Why the fuck do I always get "woke" men mansplaining stupid shit to me and why are they always such whiny, bratty pussies when I debate them back? Whoa, it's like the Male Feminists are actually just bitter incels who try to hide their insecurity and scorn for women behind layers of wokeness. Sorry for sperging but I'm just so sick of this happening all the time.
No. 624069
>>624055You can do that and watch the movie by yourself.
I don't give a fuck about your experience, I care about mine and I don't wanna hear "omg you'll never guess what happens now!!" or "hey pay close attention to what happens here" every time something suspenseful happens or plot changing (which I have experienced and that's why I don't watch movies with people who have already seen it) because it just ruins the whole movie if I am being prepared for anything shocking.
That OR something actually interesting happens and the person I'm with is like "yeah haha I read this was gonna happen on the plot" and at that point they're not feeling the same "in the moment" excitement/betrayal/sadness so I'm left there by myself looking retarded because "what anon?! You didn't see that coming??? when I read the plot it mentioned that the clue was xyz" it's fucking shitty and I hate that feeling
so, I don't care if you spoil things fr yourself but if you're gonna talk me through the movie or not even have the slightest of emotions then fuck you, you're not coming
anon you can't come to the movies with me sorry
No. 624077
File: 1599391957729.jpeg (41.14 KB, 750x188, 3A6CBBD4-E90B-424C-90CD-DD01A7…)
Sorry to be anachan but I can’t post this anywhere else without my friends trying way too hard to make sure I’m okay and I just need to vent.
Had eating disorders since I was 13. 21 now. I have always been underweight, sometimes severely, sometimes minorly. Lost my job over quarantine which is where I got most of my exercise, running all over a restaurant, up and down stairs to get everyone’s food. I also decided to learn to properly cook for myself and discovered the joy of weed. This has resulted in actually discovering a love for food. I’ve never known what healthy portion control is because of parents who treated food like a punishment, so as long as I’ve been living by myself, I’ve eaten tiny portions and stayed away from restaurants so people wouldn’t make fun of me for never finishing a plate.
First time I ever finished a normal plate of food was in May. I was so fucking proud. I stopped feeling guilty and wanted to be healthy. So I’ve quite quickly managed to gain about ~15 pounds. However, I’ve always hated exercise so I let that slide a lot. Obviously that’s completely my fault. I noticed my weight gain, but for the first time ever it didn’t bother me. I’m still on the low end of healthy, but I’m actually HEALTHY. I felt good.
Yeah, all of that out the fucking window within a few weeks. First thing my roommate asks me when she came back from quarantine was if I’ve gained weight. Cool. Nice to see you too. Then came the snide comments about me having two bagel thins (not even whole bagels) for breakfast. She couldn’t POSSIBLY put away that much food, how on earth do I do it? Wow, that’s a lot of potatoes with your dinner. You ate a whole medium pizza by yourself? Normally that gives me enough for leftovers!
I finally said something because I was starting to feel guilty again. I completely avoided being in the kitchen with her. If she was cooking when I was hungry, I’d skip that meal. She hasn’t said anything since I snapped at her. I felt bad but I couldn’t take it.
Now, today, it’d been a couple weeks and I start to feel okay again. I even cooked for both of us last night and we had a nice meal and a chat. I posted a photo of myself on Snapchat last night in an outfit where you can clearly see my body shape. It was Saturday, I felt good.
Woke up to a message from some dude I don’t think I’ve ever even met who follows my snap. Pic related.
I don’t fucking know him. I shouldn’t care. I’m 99% sure he’s an asshole who’s trying to neg me so I feel insecure enough to send him nudes and beg for his validation. But I feel like all my progress has been undone. I’ve always seen weight gain as failure. This is the first time in my life I’ve seen it as recovery. I know for a fact I’d have to gain another 40lbs before I have to ever start worrying about my weight. I guess I’ve already been fragile but this message just broke me. Now I feel like a disgusting pig for ever even considering getting up and making breakfast.
Vent over I guess. TLDR I’m a snowflake who let a random man’s opinion make me feel worthless.
No. 624078
>>624051>how we would be able to afford houses if we stopped buying takeout coffeeNot only what you said about waiting years for it to be true is correct, but that's also implying all of us even go out and get expensive takeout coffee on a regular basis to begin with. Sometimes when I'm bored I try to look for tips and advice online on how to save money and places where I could sell things I don't need anymore and I keep seeing blog posts written by trust fund kids where they just repeat this type of advice.
Same shit with online services like Netflix and how we should unsubscribe from it if we don't plan on watching things all the time. Why do these people all think we even pay that type of shit to begin with?
No. 624085
>>624082I'm sorry anon but I consider myself ugly and fat. I dress frumpy all the time and do my darned best to not make eye contact with men for the exact reason you do (my aunt grew up glued to the ID channel and true crime shit).
And yet, there are two times men have made me very uncomfortable when I dressed and looked horrible. The first time, the guy forced me to kiss him by refusing to move and grabbing my arm so that I couldn't get out of his grip. I couldn't believe it because I was sweaty, my hair was the worst it ever looked (literally bedhead) and I was lugging laundry so heaving and out of breath.
The second time, I was picking up a food order and the old guy kept insisting that he get my phone number and spent the whole time talking to me about where I live and what I'm doing later that night.
See, some men do this thing where they look for a woman that doesn't take care of herself or might not consider herself attractive because they think it makes you an easy target (low self-esteem) so they will consider you weak enough to fall for their shitty male ego. "Omg he wants MY number?? Wow!" And chances are, it works for them most of the time.
Please still always be vigilant. Men know no fucking bounds and chances are that even if you consider yourself your worst, you could still be a target for a very dangerous man.
No. 624087
>>624085NTA but I agree with you both, the amount of unsolicited attention men have given me lessened immediately when I started going out with no makeup wearing shitty jeans/sweatpants and hoodies and my hair all messed up. However I've still gotten men approaching and refusing to leave me alone so it's not a silver bullet to get rid of scrote bullshit. The only way I usually get rid of them is being rude and dismissive because some of them get embarrassed and leave, but then again some of them get even more aggressive and start calling you a whore or turn violent.
But I think back to that one based anon who told a story about how a guy cold approached her while she was on her way to her workplace so she started faking being autistic and made the guy uncomfortable. That was fucking hilarious and I need to try it next time.
No. 624097
File: 1599396773731.jpg (214.29 KB, 968x968, 375910000.jpg)
I regret looking at Soren's recent thread and the thread of that woman with the rotting legs
Why are they like this
No. 624109
Meh, don't listen to
>>624105. It's honeymoon phase, it will start to be worrying if it doesn't stop in a few month or so.
No. 624114
>>624109Um no.
>>624105 is correct and anon should be going to therapy. The anon even says that she's codependent… It would be understandable that anon would feel like this if she were 5 or a dog, but she is a 24 year old woman who had to go to her bf's place at 2am! Because she missed him. This isn't normal at all.
No. 624135
>>624080It's important to realise clinginess and codependency can push people away, especially men. Of course there's nothing wrong with being sad because you miss them, but the fact it's affecting your ability to spend one night alone and you're seeking advice shows it's at least getting to a point of concern.
Honestly, best advice is to just learn how to enjoy time on your own. Often when I get the clingiest to my bf it's because I don't have any hobbies or interests on the go that keep me entertained and my self esteem suffers cos of it. Meet up with friends, family. Pick up new hobbies or revisit interests and things you haven't done in a while. Do things just for yourself that make you excited to get home after a long day. He will probably appreciate it too if it gives him a chance to do things he wants that maybe doesnt interest you. Sounds like you haven't lived together for too long but you will come to cherish time apart.
No. 624189
>>624174The one on the Switch? I kinda agree, I only got it like last month and accumulated 70h of play time so far but I can't be bothered to go back to it. I barely touched it these past two weeks and I never really time traveled except for when I wanted to have more resources like stones or sticks and didn't want to wait 24h for them to reappear. I'm having way more fun with other games right now and if I don't feel like going back to it in a few months I'll either give it to a friend or sell it.
I spent so much time and had so much fun playing on the DS and 3DS though, I don't get it. Like I think I have 200h of play time with New Leaf and I never time traveled, I just played a few minutes everyday for a few years.
No. 624199
>>624192On the Switch so far I've played FE3H, Bayonetta, Bayonetta 2, Catherine Fullbody, I preordered a physical copy of Super Mario 3D Allstars because I want to be able to replay Sunshine and Galaxy on the go. And I plan on getting more stuff like Astral Chain, the Wonderful 101, Xenoblade Chronicles 1 and 2. My sister is ok with me borrowing Zelda Breath of the Wild and Super Mario Odyssey, they both look very fun but I want to play what I already have because I also want to play some 3DS games I've never had time to start.
I'm not sure I'm gonna buy Pokemon Sword Shield because I've played all the mainline games in the series, remakes included, and I feel like I'll be even more disappointed with that one than with Sun/Moon. If I can get a cheap second hand copy then why not, but I don't like how Game Freak has to release half-assed games once a year just so the Pokemon Company can sell merchandises asap. It feels like they're turning into Disney and I don't want to support that shit.
No. 624312
File: 1599427350274.jpeg (19.33 KB, 235x275, FB0AAB16-A122-459E-A4E8-C3DE08…)
shout out to the fuckhead loudly commenting on the length of my shorts at the store today.
sorry you have a gross man ass no one wants to see, now shut the fuck up
No. 624326
>>624312Ew, what a dickhead.
I will never understand why people do that, there was this vid of some old guy and meth head looking girlfriend harassing some teen over her shorts lenght. Poor girl looked like she wanted to cry.
No. 624380
File: 1599435727442.jpeg (91.39 KB, 682x670, MY.JPEG)
>>624312Fucking scum that guy. At my fucking limit with men who do this. My sister moved out into a big city with her bf and recently had some guy follow her around in a pharmacy store making comments about her dress.
Couldn't fucking shop for her chips in peace. She also has some old ass fucker making kissy noises at her from his car. Ugh, makes me wish I was there with to accompany her.
No. 624401
File: 1599442619694.jpeg (732.32 KB, 1242x973, 1596866135100.jpeg)
My dad once told my sister, who had just lost a friend/boyfriend in a fire that maybe it should've been my sister instead. What the fuck is wrong with men. He also drove my sister to the funeral, waited in the car and hurried her to get back, I just do not understand why he was so unbelievably cruel. I know we all have our traumatic backstories but what the hell did anyone gain from that, my dude?
No. 624428
>>624427Anon, it might not be the most helpful but has she considered talking to her employer?
Look into FMLA law in your state:
https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/legacy/files/employeeguide.pdf No. 624433
>>624430I'm 30 and I've had tons of younger guys try to fuck me on tinder. Even got cat fished by a 16 year old.
It is me who is repulsed by them, not the other way around.
No. 624437
>>624435No matter how old we get men will always desire us sexually. That's just how it is.
The wall really only applies to men.
No. 624439
Kinda resent the fact that my mom won't agree to euthanize our elderly dog. I love the shit out of that dog but damn, she can hardly walk, we have to lift her to go outside or to go to another room and she's 70lbs and hardly has the strength to at least stay standing when we do lift her. She pisses off and on in the house, her ass is crusted in shit because she can hardly get off the ground, she fucking breathes like she's suffocating, and her teeth are in such poor shape it honestly looks painful when she eats (and she only eats soft and moistened food). All she does is lay around all day. No playing, nothing. I only see her motivated when we're eating food, and all she does then is just stare at us wide-eyed with her cataracts. I'm surprised she can even see anything tbh.
I just want to give her a really good last day full of treats and love but instead I just have to watch her suffer every single fucking day because my mom can't look at the situation from any other perspective than her own.
I've shared my thoughts, fucking cried about how horrible it is to see her the way she is, and it doesn't change her mind.
I'm afraid of it, but I also wish she would just pass away in her sleep already. I'll never be ready for when she does go, but I hate this so much and I want her to have peace. I'm also just afraid that she'll just pass without any proper goodbye. Like, what if her last day is just like every other day? Painful and boring, and she just watches us play with and hug our younger dogs?
Elderly dogs are sweet yet so sad ugh
No. 624463
>>624462And I should clarify it’s not just ignoring me because they just send me something else completely unrelated
Like… do you actually want to converse with me? Am I just obnoxious even when I’m talking about a thing you like? Am I taking this way too seriously because the pandemic is driving me insane? Who knows.
No. 624468
>>624439Your mom makes me so angry. Honestly, if I was in your position I would contact animal protection.
Taking a pet also means letting go when the time comes and that poor dog must be suffering.
Make every day to your dog like it would be her last. Give her lots of love and treats.
No. 624478
File: 1599459213782.jpeg (157.27 KB, 960x960, A90C1466-79E3-437B-BD6B-6B4F49…)
Sent nudes to my bf, he asked for them cause we were sexting and I was feeling insecure, he didn’t even say I looked good or anything just continued sexting me. What’s the point of me sending the picture if he’s not going to at least tell me he likes it. Idk anons maybe this isn’t a big deal but now I just feel kinda bummed especially since it’s my second time sending them ever, so it took a lot out of me.
No. 624527
>be me, 18
>start having stomach problems, like strong nausea
>go get tests, nothing shows up
>still goes to doctor because everything still makes me retch
>i put strong emphasis on the fact that I have strong physical symptoms
>"you're lying anon, you have an ED and that's just an excuse"
>my parents believe that as well
>stop going to doctor and just wait for it to pass on it's own
>it doesn't, I lose a lot of weight in the span of like a year because it's difficult to eat
>get dragged to the hospital
>they see that there's nothing wrong in the tests as usual
>they don't let me leave
>i get forcefully hospitalized in the ana-chans recovery place, I explain my symptoms and they don't believe me
>i get threatened to be put in a mental hospital if I complain any further
>shut up, 5 months pass as i get treated like an ana-chan
>at some point therapist guesses it was just anxiety lol, you don't have ed now get the fuck out of my office
>gets out of treatment, still feel like shit, but now every hospital in the province knows i've got that diagnosis
>mother still believes it's ed, controls everything i eat and threatens me to bring me back to the hospital if i dare to say that i'm not hungry or nauseous
My early twenties sure are good.
At least i still got the xanax from when i was in treatment.
No. 624534
File: 1599471524277.gif (2.67 MB, 336x252, dental-anxiety.gif)
I'm 25, I've never been on a job interview (social anxiety, worked for years but I've always gotten those jobs through contacts) and I dread the day I have to do one.
I'm shitting my pants just thinking about all those weird questions I'm told they ask, like "What are your biggest strengths?" and "Where do you see yourself in five years?" and all that shit. A friend of mine even told me they asked her what animal she would be and why.
I know, I need to get over it and grow up, but man, I know myself and I know that I will probably just go mute, start to stutter or act too casual. How the fuck will I ever get a job?
No. 624544
>>624534There was not a single interview at which they would not ask me these two questions you've mentioned, so since you already know it will happen, why not prepare yourself? There's a lot of resources online on how to answer them in the best way, so just spend some time to research, and once you feel more prepared, you'll feel more confident too.
People getting nervous during interviews are a normal thing, so don't worry if you happen to stutter. And casual approach is very often welcomed, depending on the atmosphere in the place you'll be applying to, so that might work as your advantage. You'll do fine.
No. 624548
File: 1599474115293.jpg (104 KB, 1024x768, bear-hug.jpg)
>>624527I'm so sorry anon. I would be fucking livid if this happened to me. Have a hug
No. 624551
>>624544Thanks for your reply, anon, that was actually pretty helpful!
I'm not currently looking for a new job but I'm gonna move soon so that's probably when I'll have to go on my first job interviews, so I have some time to prepare myself for the inevitable…
No. 624559
File: 1599477791713.png (99.78 KB, 352x345, 024.png)
My drawings got posted on 4chan again, for the second time now. It makes me want to stop posting them, I wish only girls could see my drawings.
No. 624562
>>624542>it's about the marketI want to believe this, but two of my ex-coworkers were fired and they both managed to find a job in two weeks and they don't even have degrees. I think I am the problem
>>624534>they asked her what animal she would be and whyWtf…I wonder what the correct answer to that question is. What did your friend say?
No. 624577
>>624575Anon you're stupid as fuck, she's the one who asked you out to begin with. Go talk to her like
>>624576 said.
No. 624584
File: 1599484759025.jpeg (25.04 KB, 300x250, 9B33DC1A-99ED-4C73-BBD9-1A3CA6…)
Had another exploding head syndrome episode last night and it was so fucking scary. It’s like I’m having sleep paralysis and dying at the same time. Now I’m even more sleep deprived.
No. 624636
File: 1599493417595.jpeg (29.65 KB, 300x250, 336986DD-FB8C-4BF5-8115-1308C3…)
>>624593Thanks anon! You helped lift my spirits. I’ll try to remember what you’ve said when I’m being hard on myself
No. 624637
File: 1599493720511.jpg (28.08 KB, 700x700, cca4d418f806e0a03eb42031239200…)
My feelings for a close friend of mine haunt me. Each time I thought I'd gotten over it and moved on, we spend some time together and everything comes crashing back.
It's become more manageable with time since my care gradually exceeds my need for romance, but it isn't going away permanently as I'd hoped. Logically, we aren't even compatible and the situation is bad, but I think I feel genuine love for once.
I want to continue the friendship forever of course, because of the love, but I just wish it was different. And of course I'll always wonder what it is about me that prevents him from feeling the same.
No. 624657
File: 1599496573039.jpg (48.75 KB, 670x680, IMG_20200907_183511.jpg)
Am I a horrible person?
A family member of mine is going through depression because they prefer their NEET lifestyle rather than working (to a point where she quit a job that was offered by a friend 3 months after), and she is that kind of a person who would prefer everyone to throw pity parties around her so she would get attention rather than actually trying to do something about her life, even therapist nor pills don't help because she always prefers trying to bait people into attention bcz muh mental illness, along with using that as a card to avoid helping her family and be a rude person.
Her lovely mother and grandmother are distressed and worried about her, they are amazing people but they do not know what to even do and I hate seeing them hurting all because all this woman does is locks herself in the room, plays videogames until morning and makes up dramas on her discord server.
I couldn't sleep all night thinking of how horrible I feel by seeing their whole house feeling sad and whatnot. Kept debating all night If I should buy this NEET-chan a comfort gift, thinking it'd make the situation better but then I remembered all the two-faced stuff she did to me because of how obsessed she is with being the center of attention (along with her jealousy of women and complex of seeing them as a threat like shuwu-chan, just the rightwing version that is also convinced that no woman has to work a job because they are built for men and housework) I decided to not to. And it still makes me feel horrible even though I know I would rather take care of someone who actually respects me and is worth caring about.
No. 624684
File: 1599499424682.jpg (41.89 KB, 680x507, EO6yJRAWAAAaHFD.jpg)
it's so fucking annoying how things i like remind me of shitty scrotes even just for a second, whether it be music, art, or games. i don't even want to spend more than a second thinking about them and i just get triggered so easily. i wonder if i'll be a bpdfag who enters the same cycle of being in shitty relationships for the rest of my life. it's hard to not have my self-esteem completely destroyed after this shit happening to me consistently. i hope i can somehow pick up getting more in touch with my love of fashion (which then spurs me on to get attention for good fashion taste or looks, lol) and learn how to finally do makeup… christ
No. 624720
File: 1599504038911.png (132.67 KB, 500x519, 1595445596171.png)
My stepdad (is he even my stepdad anymore if he and my mother are divorcing due to his infidelity?) is literally a nightmare to rent with but between him and either having roomed with my emotionally toxic mother, or a complete stranger after my last breakup, he was the lesser of two evils at the time. I wish I made enough to live on my own.
I'm in a relationship with a new guy and I feel vindicated that he's starting to witness the nonsense behavior I put up with from my stepdad. For one thing, my mom spoiled him in that she never demanded he do any share of housework. So not only does he not do chores on a consistent basis, but when he finally does one thing, he acts like a fucking martyr for it. He behaves like I don't do shit because I refuse to pick up after him and instead treat him like a roommate and not a spoiled husband just getting to flop at home after he gets back from work–which he does anyway. I work too and no one does my laundry, cook my meals, or cleans my apartment. Boyfriend has stayed over a couple of nights so we have used the kitchen to cook meals. We've been doing the dishes consistently, cleaning the kitchen, and taking out the trash for the past couple of weeks. Stepdad decides to "deep clean" the kitchen the other day. But really: just cleaned off the countertops and wiped off the dishrack and then acted indignant that the kitchen was a "disaster" until he fucking cleaned it. I wanted to punch him in the mouth. Even my boyfriend thought he was full of shit but we can't say anything to upset King Shithead and remind him that the one chore he did in the past two weeks isn't a big fucking deal while we were the ones taking out his pizza boxes to the dumpster and putting his cereal bowls and coffee mugs in the dishwasher, then restocking them in the cupboards when they are clean!
Then there's the living room situation. Since we rent a two-bedroom apartment, the living room/kitchen area are combined in the same space. Well, King Shithead gets reign over the entire area including the patio from the time he gets home from work everyday 4pm, to when he goes to bed (if he doesn't sleep on the couch) which is 9-10pm. I work 9-5pm so I never get that fucking tv unless I want to begin watching something at around 10 or 11pm nightly. Weekends? Forget it, he gets the living room all day because he's a loser and never goes out unless his floozy gf who totes isn't just playing him invites him to go do something on his dime with her like once a month. Speaking of, he's driving her and her rugrats to the beach today so they can go play house, meanwhile I'm never invited on their outings–I'd be completely alone if my bf wasn't here with me (same King Shithead who made me stay at a roach motel for a week before Christmas and made me buy him weed for him and his gf so they could fuck at the apartment uninterrupted). He doesn't love me, I'm just convenient…but I digress.
The living room/kitchen situation pisses me off so much because if I dare ask for it during his time he tantrums and acts like a petulant toddler. Like if I let him know the day before that my bf is coming over and how I'd like to have the tv in the evening so I can watch Netflix with him, he goes "Oh, gonna make me go to my room HUH." in an insolent tone like it's a fucking punishment for asking him to relinquish the tv for an evening. As if he can't entertain himself some other way! I'm in my room all the fucking time when I'm here because he's hogging the living space but I can't dare complain!!!
The other night he had some weirdo ripper movie streaming on the tv and the volume was so loud that me and my bf couldn't eat the delicious dinner I prepped for us without being able to hear ourselves think.
The next night when me and bf got dinner, while King Shithead was out on the patio having his half-hour cig session, I had the audacity to turn the tv volume from 38 down to a dull roar 15. The second we open our dinners, that shithead comes back inside and was posturing to turn the volume back up right as we were about to begin our meal. I quickly said to keep the volume low. "HUAAAH?!" he said. I repeated to keep the volume low and again he went "HUUUH?!" He looked so fucking annoyed and irritated that a demand had left my lips. He was pretending like he didn't get what I was asking so I had to explain it out. I said how I turned the volume down and I didn't want him to turn it back up again. He became so fucking angry at me. "WHY!!!!!!!" he demanded. "Because we're going to eat dinner and we'd like to be able to talk to each other and actually hear." I turned around to gets us drinks, stepdad whined "OH SO IT'S ALLLLL ABOUT YOU HUH?!!?!" I just muttered to myself like oh god…"YEAH WE'RE NOT GONNA ARGUE ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW," he snapped.
My bf didn't say anything cause he doesn't want to upset the manbaby and pour gas on the fire, but it's so hard to ignore the mistreatment. Sometimes when he treats me like shit, I want to turn around and ask if he'd talk to his girlfriend like how he talks to me? Seeing him being so nice and accommodating for her and playing house with her young brats makes me want to be sick. She's just using him for trips and dinners, but I'd seriously laugh if she would commit the mistake of moving in with this no value man because I reckon his mask would slip with the quickness like it did with me.
No. 624768
I am so tired of nobody taking the effects of my former abusive relationship seriously. It doesn't matter how many times I explain how bad the situation was, how many details I recount, everyone still seems to think that it wasn't that bad and that I should be over it by now. Because I didn't have a huge emotional melt down while I was IN the relationship, because he left me and not the other way around, and because he never hit me or sexually abused me, it couldn't have POSSIBLY been that bad. You know, discounting the fact that I was completely isolated from my support system and had virtually no means of leaving him. My last therapist just silenced me whenever I tried to bring up the relationship and would be like "let's focus on you." She chalked all of my issues up to me having a "self-esteem problem." It was fucking humiliating and invalidating. People just refuse to acknowledge the insidiousness of emotional abuse. The only people who have ever understood where I'm coming from are those who have been through similar relationships.
Nobody gives a fuck about your pain unless you were hit or raped. Well, I fucking wish to christ that he had. Things had reached a point towards the end that I was actually begging him to just hit me already. I wish that he had so that I had some fucking proof other than just my words, which are just never enough for anyone.
This man wanted to see me suffer. He targeted me at my lowest point and just twisted the knife in deeper. He got off on my pain. I have screenshot fucking proof of him admitting that he gets off on hurting women, but I can't show it to anyone because he has them all convinced that I was the crazy one. I'll just look like a vindictive ex. I will never convince anyone of this because he's so good at hiding it. He only treats his partners like this. Nobody else sees it. He'll do this to another girl and because he's still deeply ingrained into my social circle, I'll have to just sit there and watch it happen, or someone will just fucking casually tell me about it because they don't give a fuck about my feelings. I don't have any power to stop this and I wish I had the courage to just kill myself already. I can't bear to live in a world where men like this are allowed to get away with their behavior without repercussion.
No. 624801
File: 1599510989847.jpg (44.06 KB, 940x481, side-effects-movie.jpg)
So I alienated my only friend. She told me that because I'm unreliable and disappear from time to time she feels she cannot trust me and she doesn't see me on her 'top 3 friends list anymore'. She was the best friend I've ever had. I just realized it now that this is a pattern in my relationships, where I basically force people to abandon me. They get too close, I feel uncomfortable, pull away, they get weirded out and back out. I know this comes from my relationship with my mom - she abandoned me emotionally and now I have this compulsion to repeat this infinitely. I've always been socially awkward and I see no hope of finding new friends or let alone a romantic relationship.
I don't know what to do. I hate intimacy but I also hate being without it. I feel like I never learned how to fucking relate to people and it's too late to learn it in my fucking 20s. I just want someone to hold me. I feel so worthless. How the fuck do I change
No. 624821
>>624801>They get too close, I feel uncomfortable, pull away, they get weirded out and back out. I know this comes from my relationship with my mom - she abandoned me emotionally and now I have this compulsion to repeat this infinitely. Have you ever told any of your friends this? Do you feel like they would be able to deal with your need for distance? It's actually pretty common for people with abandonment trauma to attract each other, which unfortunately ends up being a disaster because one person's needs are unintentionally
triggering the other's. Often what happens is that one person with abandonment trauma will disconnect and distance to avoid pain, while the other will get really clingy and insist on more closeness.
Best course of action is to make friends with people who are emotionally stable and have a good support system as is, and don't need you to constantly be there for them emotionally. Try and familiarize yourself with red flags that indicate a person has abandonment trauma that they haven't healed from. These types of relationships are going to be too much work for both of you to deal with.
At the same time, you need to be willing to at least communicate in some way that you're uncomfortable getting too close to people. That way, people won't be so puzzled by the behavior and think that you don't want to be around them. If you don't feel comfortable doing so, that's probably a sign that the person isn't a good choice as a friend.
No. 624830
File: 1599513414630.jpg (27.68 KB, 400x290, 1572838705039.jpg)
No idea if that counts as a vent but whatever. I was suddenly wondering right now why I was secretly following a guy I knew from university on twitter for some time before deleting my account a few months ago, because it's been a while since I did it. I remember that he managed to get a nice comfortable job thanks to a friend and complete, sheer luck and his company was looking for an intern. I needed that internship asap to graduate and since he talked about it on fb I sent him my resume and asked for info. He then said way later once I came back to him and asked for news that because, according to his manager, I didn't have the right degree (even though I had the exact same one except it's a master's instead of just a bachelor's so it's even more valuable in general and actually made me actually qualified to work in this field, unlike him) and I don't have experience yet (even though an internship is meant to be a first experience AND he got the actual job as opposed to just an internship despite having no exp whatsoever in that field anyway) the manager wasn't interested in my application and looked for someone else.
Before that, I found his twitter by coincidence, a fb friend/mutual/whatever also from university advertised his twitter for his small company he just created and I noticed they followed each other because the guy had a selfie as his icon. If the guy didn't have his selfies all over his twitter I wouldn't have recognized him at all. I was curious and went back to both these guys' accounts at some point because I had way too much time to waste from not being able to graduate on time because I had no internship and the guy was bragging about how he, and not his manager, was recruiting the intern he had to train and he made sure to specifically look for guys, and he hired a guy just because he found him hot. He spent the next 6 months complaining about the intern being an incompetent idiot who only caused problems and slowed everyone down but it was ok because he was supposedly really hot. I guess I was so mad after seeing that that I started following him later so I could know more about the situation and he was sometimes posting confidential info about other employees and forgot to blur out some parts of some documents like full names or the company's address and name and I regret not archiving that shit just in case I could use it against him. I'm dumb. Anyway, the morale of this story is, never trust male feminist, even the 100% gay ones. I can't believe the guy actually used to be so nice irl and brag about being a feminist and standing up for his "sisters" and would do something that fucked up, I thought he would just stick to trying to make me his fag hag for being a tomboyish """sassy""" ethnic minority while shitting on my other tomboyish friends for not wearing makeup. He started following me soon after I did and he was always trying so hard to joke with me and be nice me despite me ignoring him most of the time because he had no clue who I was online. I also found his tumblr in which he was shit talking many people from university like a two-faced little bitch as well, and over things where he was worse than the vast majority of us.
Speaking of, his friend I found on twitter first was also an arrogant piece of shit and I wish he never deleted his twitter because I wanted to see how and why exactly his company failed. Dude was spending his time being so condescending and treating people like idiots for no reason (except me, he was just avoiding me while shit talking and making fun of my friends) and I was a bit happy to his life project crash and burn out of nowhere.
No. 624853
>>624838have u been to dr anon?
I have severe fatigue from hashimotos disease and everyone just thought I was making it up (“lazy”) until I got diagnosed. hope u feel better soon.
No. 624881
File: 1599517038195.gif (566.57 KB, 295x207, 1515562508873.gif)
when i came to clock in this morning, my coworker wasn't wearing a mask and i freaked out and asked her to please put one on. she got paggro with me , so i waited for our boss. When he got there, he had to have a talk with her about safety and policies. finally, when i had to clock in to work with her, she gave me stank attitude all day, so they just called the person in whose shift i was taking without notifying me.
Now she's pissed off at me, acting like i planned this entire thing like some plot to ruin her day. what the fuck. now she's being passive aggressive af
No. 624893
>>624878My retarded troon friend, she wouldn't be caught dead here
it would give her "too much anxiety" and she worships certain cows here
No. 624912
Dear god nonnies, I feel like I really fucked it this time.
I'm a music major, first of all. And typically, it's considered poor taste to date someone who plays the same instrument as you because you have to be around them for a while. Guess what I did? Fell for the top-performing guy in my studio. Fell for him a year ago, actually. To cope I tried pushing him away and actively not talking or being nice to him and I definitely dated another guy just to get my mind off of it. But here we are and that other guy ghosted me out of nowhere. My feelings come back full force, as they do.
I dropped a couple of hints and then finally got coffee with him. We chatted for a few hours and it was great! Wonderful! But then when he said he needed to drive me back to my apartment I fucked up. I slammed the car door and blurted out that I had liked him for a long while but I knew the circumstances were terrible but maybe he would want to be more than friends anyways? He told me that yeah, the circumstances were godawful but he actually liked me back. We talked for a little bit about this new precarious situation, about how we can't do anything necessarily but wouldn't it be nice? Maybe it's just my BPDfag ass talking, but he said he didn't want to break my heart when he graduated next semester and I melted a little. So we came to a sort-of conclusion that we would keep talking and hanging out and, I'm quoting him, "if something happens, then it happens". And so I swooped in and asked if I could kiss him and Christ! He's really fucking good at that and I wasn't expecting it! So I'm like double-fucked.
That was three days ago, and he's been not necessarily ignoring me, but definitely waiting a while to reply to me. The worst. And like, that's not even what's upsetting. It's the fact that if the circumstances had been any different, we would be what I want. Here I am, with a guy that actually likes me back and is available, but I can't have him because of the circumstances that brought us together in the first place.
I'm a dumbass and I'm working myself into a tizzy trying to make sense of everything and I wish someone could just slap some sense into me. It's like Plato's allegory of the cave up in this bitch. Hopefully this was coherent, I'm really intoxicated right now and I wanted to cry at someone who wouldn't judge me because "it would never work out!"
No. 624913
File: 1599519687418.png (257.77 KB, 500x375, 1593927948706.png)
I realized that I very likely have ADHD and I'm trying to get a diagnosis for it. I don't have a family doctor so I had to get referred to a GP by a walk-in clinic. I was told that the GP would contact me within the next 10 days, and if I didn't hear from the GP, to call the walk-in clinic again for another referral. Suffice to say the GP never did call me. I understand they are incredibly busy, but it's proving to be a pain in the fucking ass to get the ball rolling towards diagnosis, which is made worse by the fact that I'm going back to school tomorrow after a 4 years long hiatus. I had to drop out because of mental burnout, I couldn't be arsed to complete a single deadline, it felt horrible. I don't want to be in that position again. I fucking hate how complicated it is to seek help. I just want to reee into oblivion.
No. 624918
>>624913If you're a UK anon idk if this would apply to you but they sometimes have to be extra skeptical with people seeking an ADHD diagnosis. It's because of the easily abused meds of course.
Sorry you have to go through this but don't let it drop.
No. 624921
File: 1599520051591.jpeg (154.92 KB, 750x1000, 636BE582-34B9-4D20-8617-13FFB9…)
>>624902I usually solve that like pic related.
No. 624931
>>624912> typically, it's considered poor taste to date someone who plays the same instrument as youwhat kind of ridiculous rom-com reasoning is that?
I'm happy for you that you got a good kiss from a guy you like but to be completely honest if he really liked you and wanted to be with you, he would, graduation or not. So don't get too attached to the idea.
No. 624935
Why the fuck do people say that life gets better in your thirties? I'm not there just yet but I just don't get it. I want to understand, I want to be happy, it just neither makes any logical sense to me nor is it experientally true for me in any possible way. Each passing year is worse and worse.
I'm lonelier than ever - it's ridiculously difficult to make friends as an adult compared to in your teens, you don't have the same diverse, structured social lifestyle that comes with being in high school / university etc. Most people are exhausted from their jobs and don't really have the energy to be social anymore. The little they have left they spend on their family usually. I have no interest whatsoever in procreation, raising children or being around them, and that feels alienating. I just Do Not Get It.
I do things on my own but I've been doing the same things on my own for 10 years now. This isn't something I'm able to do now that I wasn't before. On the contrary, I had a lot more spare time before I had a full time job. Sure, I have money, but I find it meaningless past a certain point which really isn't that far up. I was happier when I was relatively poor but I had spare time and people to do things with. What can money buy to make me happier, on my own, past the basic comforts of life? Experiences? Experiences are fun when shared. I had memorable experiences with friends on a shoestring budget in my early 20s. Experience what on my own now? Alcoholism? I have a relative surplus of money and cannot think of anything to spend it on that could add value to my life at this point.
I just fucking hate being so lonely. I wish either I was like most people, able to be content somehow with what they are content with, or that more people were like me and we could do things together. Before anyone jumps down my throat because it's apparently a Controversial Opinion nowadays to say you get lonely on your own eventually, I do things on my own and have done so for a long enough time, it just does get repetitive after a while.
My health is shittier, I have to watch what I eat now lest I feel gross most of the time, I need to sleep more, my face is starting to wrinkle, I get random pains I didn't have before.
The grind of the capitalist workplace has removed any hopes and dreams I once had of doing something fulfilling and meaningful. I had hopes and dreams in my teenage years and early 20s, now I barely do anymore. Just some sort of childlike innocence I guess that is now gone. The great things I wanted to be part of as an adult don't even seem to exist in real life. Everything is just a massive disappointment. And that's the thing. I'm not jealous of anyone around me. I don't really have any major regrets. I don't think I have it worse off than most people. I'm aware I don't. I'm sure any number of things feel fulfilling to different individuals but I, personally, can not see myself happy doing any of those things.
And it's not even like I had an amazing young adulthood. It's truly not about that. I wasn't ever popular or outstandingly succesful at anything and I was extremely self conscious. There were periods of fun though and of feeling like there's some purpose to it all.
Now there's just no light at the end of any tunnel in any direction. Life feels like a merciless meat grinder. The walls are closing in more and more each year. And the only way we can go is forward, into the endless claustrophobic void.
I just don't get it. I want to get it. I want to get it so badly. I just absolutely cannot empathize at all with enjoying anything about this life period (and probably any of the ones that follow it as well). What the hell am I meant to do for another 30+ years of this? Literally how exactly could it ever get better?
I can afford matching furniture and to turn my heating on more during winter, as I rot indoors doing nothing of any value to anyone including myself every day for the 4th year in a row. What a great, fulfilling adult life. I don't even fucking want matching furniture anymore. Who gives a fucking crap. I literally haven't experienced the feeling of fun in years.
Fuck I know this sounds awfully self complacent but I need to let it out. I just miss simpler times and the luxury of shared spontaneity with friends. I wish anyone else around me wanted to experience the same things I want to experience.
No. 624936
>>624931It's just a thing. Sounds like rom-com reasoning but I don't know anyone who dated within their studio.
I guess you're right, but he's getting his master's in Nebraska or some shit while I'm stuck in Not Nebraska.
No. 624953
>>624947People who cheat in relationships tend to be
abusive too, to be fair.
No. 624964
>>624940I have in the past, I don't mind that as long as it's not… teenagers. Sure there's a disconnect on some level but there's even more of a disconnect with people my own age sometimes.
The issue is that I also live in a shithole country where nothing ever happens. Making friends in general isn't easy here. I'm pretty sure the issues I'm having would be less pronounced in a slightly more… Diverse, modern place. There literally are no active communities for my true interests here. Guess it's up to me to get something going. Fuck it.
If nothing works out by the time I turn 30 I'm beginning to seriously consider hauling ass across the globe and starting over somewhere less… medieval.
No. 624983
File: 1599527998338.jpg (8.26 KB, 236x229, 41781c483c8b2d0a56feaa0bc4bd68…)
Im still very affected by my abusive relationship from 2 years, i never really got therapy because im really low on money for therapy sessions. I get frequent dreams of him, it is mostly my family being killed and myself since he threatened that once and it still fucking scares me a lot even tho i will never fucking see him ever again.
I just hate getting random depressive episodes, panic attacks and night terrors. I just fucking hate myself for not leaving him sooner, i could have prevented myself from getting hurt. Even my close friends told me to leave him, they were right there was some red flags but i was so delusional.
I really love my friends for warning me and telling me to break up with him, even if i broke it off later. I still have major respect for them. I just wish i wasnt so selfish and blind.
Also, i just realized that my ex abuser is a pedophile. He was 2 years older than me, i was 17. He made me sent explicit pictures and im really disgusted of myself, i still have his address and such but im not sure if he still lives there or lives at all (he suicide baited alot too). He still probably has those explicit pics of me when i was still considered a child, i could report him for possesing child porn.
but im not sure if i can even do that…im just too fucking scared of him.
i know im a coward, i really am.
No. 624990
>>624983I'm sorry anon. I posted about my
abusive relationship further up in the thread. It ended 3 years ago and I still get exactly what you described here. Depressive episodes, anxiety, attacks of paranoia. More so than anything I'm just really fucking angry. That being said, I feel like these attacks are happening further and further apart, and it's easier for me to come back down from them. It takes time to heal, but it does get better. Have you looked into low cost therapy centers in your area? They offer payment on a sliding scale since their therapists are all still in training and aren't licensed yet. I've had pretty good luck with my center and I only pay $5 per session.
No. 625028
File: 1599534108961.jpg (59.7 KB, 650x650, 1DerExjN60.jpg)
I'm finally cute on top of having some skills, but most women I see irl and on dating apps (I'm a grimy bisexual) are also very cute and have cool skills.
How could anyone ever love me if there are so many options? This conundrum finally hit me after all the weight loss and bullshit. Being attractive isn't anything special because it is the expected baseline.
How can I ever deal with feeling so replaceable?
I just want to be married but people and their feelings are so confusing to me because I'm socially rarted.
No. 625077
File: 1599543869976.jpeg (20.77 KB, 275x206, CC4D020B-4AC0-438E-911E-081B45…)
It’s just now clicking in my brain that I accidentally found cp on google images when I was a child. jesus christ
No. 625093
>>624935Let me guess, you're 24-26 so "almost in your thirties" and you're already decided on that your life is shit and will be shit even when you're still not there. Because you sound like you're in your late teens.
Seriously the people in their mid 20's trying to pass themselves as being 30+ and then bitching about how they were lied about the 30's being better and how they're still miserable are becoming a meme over here.
No. 625150
>be me
>25, bf 30. Been together 3 years by now.
>has a standard job but mostly wants to get married and settle down, have children, in the next few years. Ideally before I hit 30.
>bf doesn't want children so soon, says further in the future but rn wants to enjoy his life with me and focus on career.
>fair enough
>few years later I start getting into my career too and it fucking takes off
>accomplish more than I ever thought, currently gearing myself toward a top level position at my company that would pay big bucks and is super exciting
>bf now wants to start a family
>tell him I want children one day too but rn I'm also focused on my career
>continuous fights start happening over it, about how he's worried he won't have kids until he's 40 now
>still happening, thinking we need to split
Iunno, I've been with him for so long it's impossible to imagine. The time we were spending together, travelling and doing new things, was amazing. I do want to be a mum but, now I'm thinking in my mid 30s. I don't want to halt the trajectory of my career now. Why do men think they get to make all the timely decisions. I didn't pressure him in anyway when I wanted kids 4 years ago fuuuuck
No. 625207
>>625180Women have all sorts of shaped tits even in our early twenties. Grown women really shouldn't be shocked by that fact?? or offended at the sight of them.
The issue is obviously her and I hope you learn to feel better in your body down the line. Tempting as it is to tell you to stand up to her and call her out on her BS.. I know how hard that is with parents. Being both braless and in old pjs 16 hours a day somedays .. is one of my fave parts of living alone. I have memories of my dad screaming at me to get out of my pjs a day after surgery. Hate that shit at home.
No. 625253
File: 1599574267209.jpg (116.86 KB, 1024x860, ad92ad1fdf81003711dc0ebfa3476b…)
>>625198>>625200>>625207>>625209You ladies are so nice, thank you!! I hope I can let my boobs be free one day
No. 625267
>>625259I'm noticing a similar thing with the guy I'm dating (not fwb). I really like him, but I am
always asking him how he's doing, what he's up to, how work is going, about his interests etc, and he barely shows me the same interest. Like fuck, I'm not a boring person! Ask me about myself you fucking idiot.
No. 625282
>>625259I'll agree that men are socialized to be more selfish in general, but mentally ill people being self-centered cunts is absolutely a problem for both genders. Maybe in different ways.
Most mentally ill men I've ever encountered acted precisely in the way you described. They check out/check in whenever they please, believing that mental unwellness gives them the right to behave however they see fit, and if anyone has a problem with how they are treated by them then they can turn it around and make others the bad guys because their mental conditions are like the perfect excuse to avoid all accountability. It used to upset me, but now I'm kind of glad that these types of weak men effectively weed themselves out of social circles leaving only the most doormat, beta people who will blame themselves while taking their abuses.
Anyone with a bit of backbone or self-respect won't handle more than a few interactions out of basic human decency and no more after that.
No. 625283
>>625259I just had a guy do the same thing except he isnt fwb just a guy I've known a few years. The only difference is he does ask how I am, but still seems to use me as a call-therapist. Guy has enough money to pay for all the therapists, pills, counseling he wants. My life was going straight down the drain when he ghosted for 'his mental health' but I wasn't even using him as a therapist. If it continues I'll have to block him everywhere. Thanks for posting this view point anon
>>625274Shit you're right too anon…
No. 625358
>>625334This is the life almost all "sex workers" live. Popular camwhores make it seem like a glamorous profession with money coming in all the time while men worship the ground you walk on, but in reality it's you who's begging men to give you the buck and it's you having to jump through degrading hoops to scrape together maybe $100 tops by selling nudes. Smug e-thots might say "at least I'm not working at mcdonalds" but
at the very least you get paid regularly and build up your resume. "Spread pussy for $10 on my onlyfans when I'm not having a mental breakdown on my bathroom floor" isn't exactly a stellar trade skill to have.
No. 625364
>>625359It's typical inertia, happens to the best of us, anon. Try to set an extremely easy, simple goal for yourself, like entering just 5 "units" of data. After that, you'll find that you have the energy to do even more just because you're already doing it.
Re: phone addition, if you're on an iPhone, the Downtime feature helps me IMMENSELY.
No. 625512
>>625507no libido and low libido aren't the same thing. i have 0 libido. i use the word because it's simply convenient when i'm screaming into the lolcow void.
but using it as an actual sexuality is retarded. if you're straight, stating you're "asexual" is TMI unless you're using the word to describe your situation to a friend, doctor, therapist or whatever.
>>625510personally i think using general words (straight, gay, lesbian, bi) is more useful. why do people need to know i don't fuck or only fuck on wednesdays? (grey asexuals kek). it's not so much about my sexuality as it is about my general orientation for a partner.
the split attraction model is retarded anyways. got lesbians convincing themselves they're bisexual homoromantic.
No. 625537
File: 1599594285995.gif (141.64 KB, 220x221, isthisabait.gif)
>>625521>>625531Chill the hell out and spend your precious time doing something productive, rather than being one big public embarrassment. You really care too much, especially on an imageboard. Arguing on twitter / reddit would make more sense because It'd give you good old karma and whatever.
For a long time now, Tinder and all the POPULAR dating apps has been nothing but thirsty men who want to fuck or taken women who need a threesome.
No. 625539
>>625521I'm older than the average userbase here, and we didn't have the term "asexual", so my male best friend just calls himself "impotent".
With that in mind, I'm happy that there's a better, less negative way to call such people than "impotent" for men or "frigid" for women, which were the only labels we had for them until recently.
I don't care if saying "asexual" is ~cringy~ or whatever, at least it's not as needlessly cruel as "frigid/impotent". From a historical perspective, the term "asexual" brought in positive change.
No. 625540
>>625529>seetheoh shit, the anon who spergs about asexuality is back.
your bait is stale and your pussy sandy
(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE) No. 625547
File: 1599595611967.jpeg (20.03 KB, 300x262, B8A1CF34-65DA-4B73-83C4-9136D0…)
>>625540Personally I think we should ignore and change the topic to something less retarded
No. 625550
>>625428>only one farmerKeep coping acefaggot
>>625521>nonexistent sex drive is a sexualityJesus christ the stench of twitter is repugnant today, next we'll get underage anons explaining to us how demisexuality is an oppressed social class and needs to be included in LGB
(infighting) No. 625553
File: 1599596101787.jpeg (34.58 KB, 720x480, 9560C494-D09C-4B0D-BC14-D8A6A2…)
>>625550Hey anon, what’s your fav shampoo brand? Personally I like cheap brands like herbal essence, although I miss the smell of garnier. Jasmine, honey, and rose scents are usually my fav. I’ve also been using hibiscus to tint my hair with a sheen and it’s working out nicely.
No. 625555
File: 1599596394985.jpg (6.14 KB, 275x183, images3f415.jpg)
>>625553NTA but I was just thinking about buying drugstore shampoo and conditioner today after using Lush bars for like 3 years! How does your hair feel/smell and do you wash your hair often? I have thick Asian hair that I wash every 3 days approximately. I'm always such a slut for the scents, though, they're wonderful. What's your fave genre of smell? I like apple-y.
No. 625557
File: 1599596547216.jpg (127.07 KB, 1024x1024, nothingtoseehere.JPG)
>>625547>>625553>>625555Have any of you tried Mane 'n Tail before? I heard it works wonders. It'll have you growing inches in no time!
No. 625562
File: 1599596707918.jpeg (62.95 KB, 1200x674, 6C2693D6-829B-4CB6-80BC-FBEAE7…)
>>625555I wish I could use shampoo bars! They never work out for me. I started ~the curly girl method~ awhile ago and I like Hask and Herbal Essences because I think splurging on shampoo constantly is retarded, a lot of shampoos give you a nasty build up or residue. I love apple too! Or the hask coconut line. Anything tropical reminiscent, even tacky smells like Brazilian bum bum.
No. 625673
File: 1599606430844.jpg (69.15 KB, 300x300, 2ok8ph.jpg)
my and my sisters's birthdays are close to each other and while my sisters got all kinds of stuff related to their hobbies from my aunt for me she gave 20 dollars and while my sisters have gotten birthday cash from my grandmother for years this was the first time in years i have gotten anything from her and it's still less than what my sisters have gotten
No. 625680
>>625673Why anon? is there any reason? (not that I can think of a
valid one) is she the younger one? More involved one? I feel this though, 100%
No. 625693
>>625682>>625673Bruh middle child syndrome is such a curse, it's the reason I refuse to have more than 2 kids if I ever end up having kids lol
Like last year I went to a family member's birthday party and later I got a text from someone "wish you could've made it we missed you <3" like bitch we spoke to each other?
I think middle children are supposed to be the ones who detach a bit from the family and are more fulfilled by relationships with people that we have to form ourselves, sad to say but it's true
No. 625752
>>625750samefag anon Im dropping my measurements cus idc, if I
trigger anybody by having BDD after all then sorry. But I really think im way to wide and small tits
I'm 5'8, weigh like 139.2lbs if I believe the scale we have (thought I was less it's a big jump from what I used to at the doctor). I measured myself so its probably off but bust- 35.5in without bra. Waist 30 in. Hips like 41in super wide at the thighs. inseam like 29 according to my pants?
Im including that in case any kind anon hasa realistic view of what that looks like, cus I hvae no clue. I know im not fat but it looks really bad in my clothes. I wish i was not wide-hipped. I know i could post in some thread in g about this but i am way too upset to sound neutral and naive
Also if anon thinks thats normal thats great, but it really looks weird to me, if my body turns out to be ok then is it my clothes???? my small head and bad hair?AHHHHH
No. 625756
>>625699Back in the day doctors would actually refrain from full on diagnosing kids with autism if they were high functioning little weirdos because what good would do slapping a medical label and othering them from other children? Being a “special kid” was not seen as a good thing and living a life as normally as possible was the main goal.
That was the case with me, I genuinely have issues, my mom had a placental abruption at 7 months and i had a handful of developmental issues in childhood, but i was functioning enough that i could socialize with other kids and make friends and didn’t need special attention in school, so the pediatrician thought it was best to leave it at that and not slap a Token Spazz Kid label on me.
Of course I was seeing a therapist on the side to overcome my problems but there was no need to diagnose me with a syndrome and other me from other kids.
No. 625760
>>625756In your opinion, do you think that was the right decision? How do you think it led you to turn out? You dont have to answer im just curious your view.
Myself I'm particularly annoyed with the current trend (for lack of a better word) because my relative actually has autism, along with another serious disability. He's very low functioning due to both, and when I see people talking about how you should "just listen to disabled/autistic people, it's not something bad, they shouldn't be under someone else's control"– like I generally agree and think that's a good message for many of those people. I listen to him, I don't curse his autism for existing I love him a lot and want for him what makes him safe and happy. But it's not that easy for people like him. My relative is non-verbal, has some harmful behaviors stemming from autism, and if you left him to fend for himself… I can't imagine. I know he's a special case due to his situation, but I've seen people act like low-functioning/non-verbal/etc. autistic people are less important, and brush over that issue. And I feel like that's a result of so many high-functioning cases being in the spotlight, or something
No. 625768
>>625760Definitely was the right call, school wise I had a very happy childhood even if I wasn’t the most popular kid i felt well loved by my peers and teachers, never was picked on for my weird speech patterns or being kinda wobbly (I didn’t do sports and was prone to falling alot, i had some issues with controlling my legs properly) I personally never felt Different from other people well until I hit my later teens, because tbh all kids are kinda weird and if its a good school where behavioral issues aren’t a problem they won’t single out another kid for being quirky in a different way if the kid can socialize properly, my classmates didn’t care that i spoke weird when we were playing pokemon together or poking anthills with sticks.
Eventually I got bullied really badly on high school but I was just dealt a bad hand in classmates, most of my friends nowadays say their classmates would’ve never allowed something like that to happen in their school, I wish i had received more support during that time and maybe a professional diagnosis in my medical file would’ve made a difference on the school at least making an attempt to ensure my well being because letting people bully a retard is always bad press, they simply abandoned me to the wolves because my bullies were rich and their families donated to the school board.
Autism has a bad rep of being the disease of model spergs in a way, people expect people with autism to be super smart little genius that are oh so quirky and a tiny bit socially awkward, when the reality is that most people with serious autism wont ever fit in society and will need a caretaker who will basically sacrifice their lives to care for the other, and these are the people who need autism resources the most but soccer moms copted out autism because they think their special little boy who throws tantrums, ops sorry, “sensory meltdowns” because she’s too busy drinking is going to be next Sheldon Cooper.
No. 625839
>>625817hey anon, im sorry to hear your kitty isnt feeling well!
I had to put my elderly cat to sleep in June. Her name was Zoey, she was 18 years old and even though i knew it was time, it was still so hard. She knew i was there for her, and i think if i were dying, that is all i would ask for too.
You sound like such a caring owner, i am certain your cat knows you love her, and i hope she feels better soon!!
No. 625878
>>625839>>625822Thank you for the replies anons, you're so sweet! Being a pet owner is really hard sometimes.
I took my cat to the vet and it turned out like I suspected, her thyroid levels had gone too low which is making her really nauseous. She got medication for the nausea and we halved her dosage for the hyperthyroidism medication. If it turns out the problem isn't the dosage but that the medicine just doesn't suit her we'll have to consider other treatment options. All of her blood work aside from her thyroid levels came out normal though, so that's a big relief.
In any case, she's home with me now and I'm just waiting for the nausea medicine to kick in and her to eat something.
Sorry for my awkward English I'm ESL.
No. 625893
>>625888I had a similar incident and brought my male cat in for a presumed UTI, but the vet said less than 10% of cases she sees in relation to piss is a true UTI. What they might do is check the urine for signs of trouble like sugars or WBCs and preform an xray to check for blockages. It ran me just under $300CAD to find out my cat is an asshole and terrified of the ceiling fan near his shitterbox.
It's always a tough decision because kidney/bladder issues in male cats can take a quick nosedive if left untreated. I'd recommend getting them checked out
juuuuust in case, because it's always better to spend $300 and have a neutral outcome than risking anything else.
No. 626062
I'm thinking about writing my therapist an e-mail that I want to quit therapy.
She came back from her vacation and I thought that our first session together was on September 1st, because I was certain she told me this, but according to her my first appointment was two weeks earlier, so she gave me an 80€ bill for missing it, even though it was obviously a misunderstanding (it might have even been her fault, because I really don't remember her saying anything about this earlier appointment).
Then she spent the next session on trying to get me to talk about my feelings regarding the bill. At the end of that same session, I told her that I might move next year because this city really is horrible and neither me nor my boyfriend like it here or feel good about the thought of spending the next 4-5 years here. She felt attacked because then our "work" would come to an end, told me that it's not a good decision and spun it around like it's my boyfriend manipulating me into moving to the other city because he wants to go to uni there, which is not true. Of course him wanting to study there is one reason we want to move, but it's not the only reason and I'd say that I'm probably even more excited to get out of this hellhole than he is. (We literally live in the poorest, most run-down city in the whole country so I don't know why it's so hard to fathom that we want to move.)
I get that she's still a human and of course she doesn't want to lose a relatively easy patient, and of course we won't be able to continue but does that really have to mean that it was all for nothing? I think that it was kinda out of line for her to take it so personally. It wasn't the first time either. She doesn't talk a lot about the deeper thoughts I express to her but always tells me what she thinks I should do in regard to life choices, like if I should study or learn a trade (she pretty much told me it would be stupid of me to learn a trade) and compares it to her own life.
I thought we clicked in the beginning but I feel so uncomfortable about the whole thing now. She wants me to start psychoanalysis two times a week but I definitely don't want that anymore.
I know that this isn't anything severe, like that one anon who had her therapist literally scream at her, but I still feel like I've lost my trust in her. I don't feel like I can be real with her, I always feel like I need to justify my actions and thoughts and if I want to do that and be told what to do I might as well just talk to my mom. It just feels like I could find a therapist that's better suited for me.
Now I'm uncertain on what to do and it stresses me out. I have other important things on my mind and just want to get this out of the way but I don't really know what to do or say. And I don't even know for sure if she was even really out of line or if I'm just paranoid.
No. 626070
>>626064It just reads like there’s something wrong with you seeing that humans are social creatures and friendships are less likely to be the level of
toxic stressors like kids and marriage
No. 626075
>>625150So what if he doesn't have kids until he's 40. That's the choice he made when he settled down with a woman five years his junior. Don't let him guilt you into having kids. TBH there's nothing unusual about having kids in your late 30's or even adopting an older child if you think you're too old for a newborn.
Deep down you know once you have kids, you're the one to sacrifice your career. I'll even put on my tinfoil hat and say he's jealous that you're on track to out-earn him and he wants to knock you down a peg. Ask him if he'd be a stay at home dad and gauge his response kek. But you know best.
No. 626087
>>626084Yeah duh every relationship takes work to nurture and maintain, most people don’t have trouble reciprocate companionship. Friends certainly aren’t as much work as kid or marriage lmao
If you’re too lazy or depressed or autistic to invest in human connection then that’s fine bruh, it’s your life. But don’t act like others are weird for thinking you’re weird lol
No. 626089
>>626069I have a partner I've been with for 6 years. We don't want kids, but I consider him to be enough social interaction for me and when I need conversation he can't give me, I just go on here and other sites. I prefer to spend my time engaging in my hobbies rather than being around other people. I think I might also have low key PTSD from my previous friends group, which was just a
toxic cesspool of people, some of who would probably end up on /pt/ of their antics were online.
No. 626117
>>626108my mum has her own psychotherapist who guides her on how to deal with my brother because he seems kind of unstable and she is very overwhelmed with this situation.
>>626112yeah, that's the way I feel as well. I mean he still has the chance to get himself a tattoo later down the line but he says he needs it now because it will help him in his current situation so he needs to spend all the money on it.
No. 626122
>>626100I think most anons will tell you to rat him out, but that will definitely piss off your brother and sour the relationship. Your mom likely has an idea already that he's wasting his money, unless his tattoos are super hidden.
You should definitely talk to him privately and tell him it's unfair that he's blowing his money while not helping his mom at all, but if he's going to the hospital for his mental illness, it sounds pretty bad.
Frivolous spending is actually a symptom of BPD, so you could mention to your mom that you think his illness is making him spend money unwisely without giving her all the details. It doesn't like he's well enough to be in control of his finances, so that could be a talk with his doctors as well.
No. 626130
>>626067McDonald's breakfast is all day in the US?
This is so unfair.
No. 626141
>>626122
>unless his tattoos are super hiddenhe wants to get it on his under arm, so it's super visible. At the same time I got the impression that he wants a visibel one because he knows that my mum will hate it.
I will def talk to him again. I'm just super confused on how to react to anything right now so I kinda forget to tell him the first time around. He says that he wants to get his tat in around 3-4 weeks, he will start going to the day hospital next week. Maybe he could change his mind a little on that? Idk I will also talk to my mum again because she has not that much money as well to feed him for god knows how long.
>It doesn't like he's well enough to be in control of his financesbefore that my mum was the one who got the child benefit for him because he is under 25 and went to school. That way she could get him money week by week but now he gets all the money because he is as mentioned a neet so suddenly he has a lot of new opportunities to splurge his money on useless things.
No. 626170
>>626135I've been followed in a store once but idk if it was because of my appearance or because there's something autistic about my manners or that you can see the anxiety on my face.
Anyway, you're not alone kek.
No. 626243
>>626100>>626117>>626141>>626188Brother is
>too unstable for even part time work and will require day time hospital visits Brother is not
>too unstable to place a tattoo that he might not even like in his right mind and get his skin stabbed over and over again while spending money he didn't earn on this non-essentialYou're doing him no favors keeping this a secret, just another day he loses more self-respect by being a comfortable little boy. He needs to pick a narrative and stick to it or else start admitting he can take on some responsibilities…he's of sound mind enough to scheme a hoard of money behind his mother's back and motivate to go get something permanent put on his body, I think he could stock shelves.
No. 626293
File: 1599678628213.jpeg (9.75 KB, 259x194, download (8).jpeg)
I ate a giant meal at work and now I've made myself sleepy while having 3 hours left at least.
No. 626306
>>626294I assume you're not posting anonymously? If it's just anon be grateful that you have the opportunity to stage your opinions and receive feedback with no real consequence (except the blow to your ego).
If it's under your identity, pretend you're a lawyer and give yourself a minute to think of an argument against what you're about to post. If you can't poke any holes in it, then post it. On the other hand, if you can think of at least two counter arguments that you wouldn't be able to refute, don't post it.
No. 626316
Is anyone else deathly afraid of doctors and hospitals? I avoid them at all costs because I don't trust them. I've never had a doctor take the time to actually listen to me. They don't even look me in the eye, start talking over me immediately, and always give me shit about researching symptoms, or having even a vague idea of what might be wrong with me. It takes upwards of months to get a fucking appointment with you people. You really think I'm just going to twiddle my thumbs the whole time and not even bother to look into the problem myself? Plus, as an Amerifag, I am very aware of the fact that our medical industry is entirely profit-driven and that virtually everyone involved is in it for the money. I don't believe any of them truly care about helping people. If I have to get some sort of procedure done, they are always so rough and callous with me, even the female doctors. I almost always leave a doc's office crying after even just a pap smear. God help you if you cry during the procedure, they just stare at you like you're crazy or make fun of you, telling you "it's not a big deal, what's wrong with you?" Fuck doctors. They're all sociopaths.
No. 626339
>>626316Pap exams are a scam and are rarely performed with full informed consent. It's foul how we are strongarmed into what basically accounts to medical rape for no reason. Imagine if men were treated like that about prostate cancer. My body is not a ticking cancer bomb. My body, my choice. It's disgusting how other women act about this, too. They treat me like a petulant little girl, just let the good doctor rape you and be quiet. Miss me with that shit.
I went to planned parenthood for my first and only pap exam and the doctor was a complete bitch to me. She used three different speculums, told me I have a "big vagina", and told me, "You know you have a vein here on your labia, right?" and I'm thinking yeah I've had this vagina for around 23 years I'm pretty familiar with it you stupid bitch. She mashed my breasts like they were modeling clay so hard I had bruises for weeks. I was basically assaulted and had to pay for it. I left the exam crying and in pain. Never again.
No. 626366
>>626357Lmao I had that happen to me too. It's hilarious because they usually give patients shit for googling their own symptoms.
>>626356The first part of the post is pretty paranoid, but I had something similar happen with a gyno who shoved about 5 speculums into me, told me I had a massive vagina and was so nitpicky throughout the whole thing that I started crying and shaking. I didn't go to a gyno for years after that. When I started going again, I'd always ask if there was something wrong with my vagina and they'd say I was fine. Some doctors really are just nuts.
No. 626367
>>626356While anon could have been exaggerating, Americans women are told to get exams and smears a lot more often than in any other country, and some doctors are objectively cruel to people especially if they see them as different. I’m more apt to believe that anon had a bitch doctor because they
do exist. Not everyone is morally sound, and medical professionals have a business economy to maintain just like any other cash cow.
No. 626379
>>626372Female. I'd say she was in her 50's. It was a really long time ago.
>>626373Interesting. I've never had a gyno tell me this. I was always told to get one every 2-3 years. Once a year is super excessive.
No. 626435
File: 1599687680121.png (77.73 KB, 1798x360, raid on cc and lolcow.png)
>>626401why can't men just leave us the fuck alone???
No. 626464
File: 1599688851743.jpg (287.01 KB, 1500x844, GettyImages-a0041-000589-5a127…)
>>626435so now lolcow will be this but with black dicks
No. 626476
>>626463wouldn't it be possible to do the cell scraping yourself at home and bring it in like a pee test? I know you have to stick it pretty far in but I mean it's not hard to poke your own cervix with a long q-tip
anyways relating to this pap smear talk I just remembered how when I was 15 and went to the doctor with my mom she literally asked my (male) doctor if I needed to get a pap smear. He said not until I was 21 but jfc I can't believe my mom basically asked the doctor if he wanted to stick a spoon up her teenaged daughters pussy
No. 626494
>>625897>>625893>>625892thanks anons, i bit the bullet and made an appointment with the vet. taking him in about an hour – realized it's worth the $$$ to get the peace of mind and know that he's not suffering. also ty
>>625893 for the cost estimate – I'm in canada too so that actually helped a lot. Sorry your cat is an asshole (but aren't they all)?
anyways if any of y'all are religious pls pray for my boy while i take him to the cat dick doctor.
No. 626499
>>626491I guess that's more for me personally, if the doctor said yes I know my mom would have forced me to do it even if I didn't want to, but I guess my own mom just doesn't respect my boundries. Still, I assume some teenager do end up getting "routine" pap smears and probably don't feel like they have the option to say no.
I'll stop sperging about this now but I just think it's all kinda fucked up
No. 626507
>>626499> Still, I assume some teenager do end up getting "routine" pap smears and probably don't feel like they have the option to say no.But you can say no? You can tell your doctor that you feel uncomfortable because of it and, a doctor with ethics, might explain to you why it’s important that you get certain tests done, and if that doesn’t convince you, or your mother, the ethical doctor won’t pressure you into it.
I mean, there’s a bunch of people that I know that have never gone to a gynecologist, you can also just do that and hope that nothing’s fucked.
No. 626534
>>626528There is good reason for them to pressure you though. It’s like the ‘pressure’ to get your kids vaccinated.
About the med student thing, I completely this is wrong but this happens with prostate exam practice as well, and other medical procedures being ‘practiced’ on you by students. It’s not a pap smear specific problem at all, and I’d be weary of anyone trying to paint it as such. I know it’s legal in most US states but not sure about the rest of the world.
No. 626535
File: 1599693288818.jpg (9.47 KB, 341x462, 18198304_1490384274368839_3154…)
A friend of mine is dead set on getting a cat in the future and I'm pissed about it. I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but they don't live in the best place. It's falling apart and has a lot of pest control issues, bugs, rats, snakes, etc. I've seen bugs in their fridge before even and there is actually rat shit on the carpets. Definitely not even an environment for people, let alone a pet. Plus, their financial situation isn't great and I don't think it's wise to get a pet if you can't afford emergency situations should the need every come up. I have two cats that seemed healthy when I got them but it turns out they both need special food and medicine for their surprise health issues and it costs me a lot of money each month just for that, plus random vet visits, flea medicine, etc.
I just think it's so irresponsible. I've tried to bring this up gently in the past but they are very flippant and think everything will be fine. Maybe they've just gotten used to living in a fucking hovel or something. I don't know. That poor cat.
No. 626547
>>626534It happens and it's wrong with prostate exams too, but 90% of med students in a study admited to doing this. It's insane and i doubt they are doing this to men at the same rate. Any kind of exam that involves genitals should only be made if the patient is awake or consented beforehand.
Men are not pressured like this from a young age to get prostate exams every 3 years despite them being just as important and there is no epidemic of them dropping dead from prostate cancer, it's extremely rare even if there are way more cases than cervical cancer.
No. 626550
>>626547You ‘doubting it happens to men at the same rate’ is based on nothing. This happens with many procedures and is done in extremely controlled environments. It’s still wrong, but it’s not being done as some specific attack on women and isn’t a Pap smear specific problem.
There is less pressure because prostate cancer is a lot less common in young men than cervical cancer is in young women. After 50 men are expected to get regular screening. It’s not some grand conspiracy to ‘keep women down’ or whatever by forcing them to get pap smears. It’s for their own benefit. If you want to sperg about this conspiracy theory more then you should probably go to the tinfoil thread.
No. 626554
>>626547www.nytimes.com/2020/02/17/health/pelvic-medical-exam-unconscious.amp.html
I have a hard time viewing this as ethical in any way. In 2017 they gave a nurse a pelvic exam during
stomach surgery.
No. 626555
File: 1599694723096.jpg (153.07 KB, 1480x629, marquise.jpg)
Oh farmers, I'm going to vent to you because this shit is getting to my anxieties and I can't go to my real life friends because I'm so tired of feeling judged for romantic life predicaments. My boyfriend and I were talking about our relationship plans in the next couple years, and getting married is at least in the cards. He was picking my brain about engagement ring ideas and I half-jokingly brought up that I could make him a spreadsheet. He unironically agreed and we both came to the conclusion that it's better to be specific & communicative about the things we want. Confession, farmers: I'm almost 30 and this is the closest I've ever gotten in a relationship where an (atheistic) guy actually wanted to marry me and not keep me as a forever gf. I wasted half of my 20s with a fucking idiot. Not to digress too far into this issue, but before my current bf I've had exes promise me shows of commitment like this and ultimately never follow through. They just turn out to be shit and I break it off. It's why I can't go to my friends about this either, cause tbh, until a guy puts that ring on me I don't take his word for shit anymore. I wouldn't be able to handle gushing my heart to my friends again just to eat my foot when I'd have to end things later for a vetted reason. My friends probably look down on me by now and think I'm lucky to get whatever I can. Maybe that's irrational, but it hurts so bad. Albeit older, they're in marriages or have at least been in long-term relationships for awhile, and here I am having to start over all the while having had shit luck with men. It's hard not feeling left behind or like I've made the wrong choices. It's difficult getting over the trust issues I have about my current boyfriend while telling myself he loves me and isn't going to fuck me over like the others.
Anyways, anyways. Anyway, that was a bigger tangent than I thought. So the main anxiety comes into play over the fact that I don't know what to fucking choose. I'm laying out a bunch of information, graphics, and links in this spreadsheet but even I feel overwhelmed. How is he supposed to feel? I'm set on having a marquise diamond as the stone but I have several ideas for style and can think of pros and cons for all of them.
The biggest hurdle is getting over the fact that boyfriend wants us to have yellow gold bands, which is a compromise for me because I don't really wear yellow gold and would prefer platinum. He doesn't care for the color and it reminds him of what his ex wanted. I think the yellow gold has grown on me a bit, but should I insist on platinum? He did say it's about what I wanted. Whatever the case, I just know that at the end of the day, I will like a cool toned band over a warm one. So there's that.
Then the band itself, oh my fucking god I do not know. I think I want something fancy like pic related. I do wear a lot of cute and frilly things so it wouldn't be too far-fetched of a choice for me, but I'm afraid of it being impractical and prone to damage. Then I switch to wanting a more simple band like a pave solitaire, but then I worry I'll feel plain and will be wanting for more. Like I'll regret my ring down the line.
The kicker is I don't even know what his budget is. I should have asked. I'm putting a variety of shit into this spreadsheet but nervous that he'll turn into the typical man and shoot for the cheapest option without really considering what suits me best. I even hinted at a customization in one scenario, and all I can think is would a man really put in that effort for me? He did always put effort into our dates, and I think he'd do whatever I'd ask him to. But still, I worry.
I've been looking for advice anywhere on the internet, but the closest I've come to reviewing what other women have is r/engagementrings. I don't know what I'm doing.
No. 626571
>>626561oh my god, accutane…my doctor told me to take it when I asked him if I could get a referal to a dermatologist. He told me it might cause depression since I had a history but claimed it would go away when I stopped taking the pills. Yeah…I could only take it for 3 months before I was not only severely depressed but also paranoid and anxious. I told him I was concerned and he told me again to stick it out so I quit.
Also what's with doctors always making shitty comments when you go in for acne like "dating must be hard for you" like, prick, this is why I stopped seeking acne treament
No. 626588
File: 1599696625520.jpg (135.76 KB, 1500x1000, il_fullxfull.581362234_64zq.jp…)
>>626555Holy shit anon, you're making this too complicated. Who the fuck cares if you both have matching wedding bands? He can have his yellow gold, just get platinum for yourself. Ask him what his process will be, ask him about budget, communicate with him what you want.
When we discussed my engagement ring, I gave my fiance three ring choices. I would've been happy with any of them. Did I regret the ring I ended up with and wanted more sometimes? Definitely. But it's just a fucking ring and if I wanted to, if I
really wanted to, I could just get another one.
Get what you like. Stop worrying about what he likes.
No. 626598
>>626595I'm
>>626571I agree it can be physically painful because I've had cysts before and they were pretty bad, but I don't think it's good to encourage people to take meds with so many potential and adverse side effects to cure a disease that won't kill you. Especially when you can end up with a real debilitating illness like depression
No. 626600
>>626596>I would not recommend it to anyone unless their acne was so severe they were on the verge of an hero.That was my experience and I didn’t really have any side effects so that probably influences how I feel about it.
I remember talking to a dermatologist who said that recently there’s a growing consensus that it’s better to prescribe a very low dose but for longer, I wonder if the vitamin A thing was why.
No. 626651
>>626553For women it's breast cancer, we get constant screenings for that and are taught to feel for lumps etc. All good. The second leading cause of cancer deaths in women is lung, third being colon, but how many women do you know who have regular CT scans and colon tests done every three years? Hell you saw how many prostate cancer deaths there are and men are still not as pressured to test for it.
I'm not against them btw, i think they should be done and eon't usually cause harm, but the pressure is ridiculous when other forms of cancer kill at a greater or similar rate and are ignored.
>>626557I call penetrating someone with something in the ass or vagina who is not awake and did not give consent rape or at least assault when done outside of an emergency, don't know about you.
The questionaire done for the rate that men get surprise non consenting rectum examination turned out that more than half or them were done in an unconscious guy and a quarter with no consent iirc. Really different from the 90% of women. Doctors have biases they carry on their work and womens consent is overlooked a lot.
Also i'm not against pap smears, it is an important screening tool. Have one every year or whatever your docs recommendation is if you feel safer like that and it causes you no issues, i'm mad at how some people act like if you don't get one religiously you have like a 50% chance of getting cancer every year when it's simply not true if you are not high risk. It's an invasive procedure, it's painful very often and it can be torture for someone who has trauma, fearmongering that they will die and pressuring them doesn't help.
No. 626654
>>626651The original anon was saying pap smears themselves are medical rape not the unconscious ones. I personally also just do not see this huge pressure for pap smears, maybe it’s country specific idk. People will say you should get them but if you’re traumatised or something I don’t think it’s common for people to respond to that with ‘you have a 50% chance of dying of cancer’ or something like that. No one
has to get a pap smear but even if someone has trauma they’re still at risk and it’s obviously best to catch things early.
No. 626663
>>626654Oh, i'm sorry, i didn't see that. I don't see the normal procedure as medical rape too, it is invasive but it's not like there is any other way to test for it.
Personally i've seen people say that cervical cancer is almost guaranteed without pap smears to women who didn't want to. Maybe it is due to location ig. I think everyone should know the risks since there is a risk like you said but i don't think this huge pressure is helpful for something personal like this.
No. 626676
>>626670samefag the shooting was months ago. i know things take time. i’m an extremely empathetic person, pick up on emotions with ease, and don’t pick fights or see things logically very often, if at all. i’m trying not to “be nice” because well it’s lolcow lol.
we’ve talked about it, i offered my support, expressed how grateful i was that nothing did happen. and the bullet would have definitely ended up close to me in the yard if the car was just a foot or two further down the road.
No. 626688
>>626553anon where are you getting this number from? 416,000 men
might've been diagnosed with prostate cancer that year but that doesn't mean they died from it. prostate cancer is the most common cancer for men but men who have prostate cancer are statistically more likely to die WITH it than FROM it
https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/press-releases/prostate-cancer-adami-epstein/not trying to sperg out and nitpick but this is a common misconception that I see a lot. compared to other cancers prostate cancer just really isn't as fatal to those who have it.
No. 626690
>>626656Anons are giving you shit, but I agree with you. It’s awful he got dragged into it, and I can understand being upset about it, but for him to try to make it seem like he was the one who was targeted weeks later is pretty fucking shitty and I have no idea why anyone would do that. If you were just a bystander, why try to turn it into a different story? That’s already terrible and would have people feeling sorry for you. His actions are bizarre.
Inb4 someone accuses me of being samefag
No. 626695
File: 1599704358806.jpg (25.96 KB, 407x407, 1364217491759.jpg)
I have been working for my company for 5 years now and have come up as a manager role with the senior managers taking care of the wages. I've been given an unworkable contract for over a year, had an entire departments transferred to my responsibilities before that for 8 months while they hired a dedicated person to manage that side. I managed to keep everything stable with a lot of stress and i kept on getting praise from other departments saying i'm amazing at my job.
I am being underpaid about 40% under market value though.
I've told them that i am unhappy with my current wage at the end of last year and that i was considering quitting 2 months ago and that i could get paid 1.7x my current wage at another place. They admitted that i was being underpaid and that i may get that boost at the start of this year, even when i complained about it last years.
Anyway i just found out that my employee was getting paid more than me by 9%. I'm actually feeling sick and i am ready to quit. They haven't taken my quit threats seriously while knowingly paying my fucking employees who something similar yet significantly less than what i do. There is no winning with this company, it's time to move on like i was at the start of the year.
Fucking COVID prevented me from quitting at the start of the year but i've been saving up to give myself plenty of unemployment leeway if required.
While i could act like Little Ms Victim i've just kind accepted that i've let myself be taken advantage of and I can't expect the world to play fair when it comes to evaluating hard work. The best i can do is cast a vote in the federal election.
Anyway I have about 5 weeks worth of sick leave and you bet i'm going to take a few sickies in and about 10 weeks of annual leave they will have to pay out if i quit. I never understood why so many anon's got stuck in abusive relationships but i now know how it feels. Fuck this shit, i deserve better and this shitty company needs Me a lot more than i need it.
No. 626701
File: 1599704772444.gif (2.12 MB, 728x546, file.gif)
>>626695Just wanted to commiserate and say that you're not alone.
I've been kept on hold with the company I'm working for. They keep renewing a short-term contract with me (that underpays me) for almost a year now with no timeframe of when they'll offer me direct hire. Upper management and new management I run into at meetings always tells me they've "heard great things about me" and that I do good work, but I suppose it's not enough to offer me worthy pay. Or paid sick time. Or vacation. Or health insurance. Or any semblance of human rights.
No. 626704
>>626694If someone says they were targeted in a shooting, it has a much different connotation. It’s sounds obvious he was trying to paint a different picture than the truth, which seems to be he was at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Not saying I don’t feel for anon and her bf, but it does sound like he’s purposely obscuring the story for some reason and I get why she’d be annoyed at that.
I’m not gonna try to sway anyone, I get what you guys are saying, but I think I know how OP feels. It was already an awful situation and it’s weird for bf to misrepresent it.
No. 626715
>>626701On the grander scale i don't see this improving naturally for many western countries. People are so focused on taking a bigger slice from the pie rather than making the pie bigger so they naturally get a bigger slice.
If i'm not going to try and change the world, I may as well just play along with how it works. It goes against every fibre in my being which is 'follow the rules and work hard' and i known in my head that i need to be more cutthroat with employment, now i believe it in my heart.
No. 626716
>>626703I like to plan stuff, I usually think about all the things I want to do before dying, the more specific they are, the better, because even if I know they’re not necessary
like paying an orchestra to make a long version of a song I like I want them and I long for them.
Yeah, I can still think “Wow, if I got murdered right now in my sleep, I wouldn’t mind” or “I hope this mild illness I got kills me” but I will long for all the things I haven’t done/got, so I won’t actively try to kill myself, I will just wait for something to kill me while listening to my unavoidable instinct that asks me to not do retarded stuff and live.
No. 626738
>>626721Some men do, others don’t.
Just try to love yourself and appreciate yourself more, caring about what some random scrote thinks about you might just end up making you feel unnecessarily insecure about yourself.
Try finding your good points, like how some clothes flatters your body type a lot and how you have things that makes you unique.
When you get to understand that a scrote’s/random retards on the internet’s opinion/validation is unnecessary, you get to feel like there’s less pressure than before.
No. 626784
File: 1599709887126.jpg (53.58 KB, 604x271, etenerally suffering.jpg)
My basil plant looks like it contracted some kind of disease so now I'm going to have to get rid of it. Despite my black thumb, it lasted two months!
At least my mint cutting is thriving…
No. 626809
File: 1599714047559.png (175.99 KB, 324x302, a picture of me.PNG)
my assignment was due at 11:59 and when i clicked submit it turned to 12:00
great
No. 626813
File: 1599715001598.jpg (113.99 KB, 1300x956, sad-woman-crying-and-a-friend-…)
>>626793it's okay anon i fell for that one twice
No. 626824
File: 1599720681488.gif (2.82 MB, 500x264, 9f426350-cb2b-4309-b3b0-019856…)
I'm stressed as fuck and feel like crying. I had to lock the dog into the shed because we're having workers over to repair the roof and there is no other place for the dog since we also own cats that like to hide in the house. I feel so so so guilty.
My father, who is retired and usually spends 80% of his time is in the hospital, and idk if he'll even come back. Mother is still recovering from surgery she had a while ago so she can't handle him and my brother is scared of the dog. Idk what he did to him but the dog visibly dislikes him and males in general. I'm at work and can't leave so I'm at the edge constantly and feel like utter shit.
I'll get him a nice treat during lunch break so I can give it to him once I'm back and spend some extra time with him.
I just want things to go back to normal.
No. 626845
>>626809>>626830That's why you should always aim to submit asssignments a few hours early or even the night before.
My uni uses an online submitting system that automatically closes at 12:00 (or whatever the deadline is). Professors keep repeating to us that they can't help us if you didn't submit it by 11:59 even if you had technical difficulties and that you should submit early to be safe, yet there's always, without fail, dumbasses who thought they'd be okay submitting it at the very last moment and then end up screwig themselves over.
No. 626852
File: 1599725876844.gif (218.07 KB, 500x280, penguinknitred.gif)
i realized that i've been knitting for over a decade and became really good at it (whatever that means–fast/accurate? advanced techniques? even stitches? making things that aren't ugly? idk how to quantify it), but it feels like… a kind of lame thing to know a lot about and spend so much time on. i don't tell anyone about it lol. i make pretty things that take weeks but at the end of the day, it's just a nice pair of socks and the craftsmanship is unappreciated.
i need knitting friends who care about my socks i guess
No. 626859
>>626852Haha I feel you anon I've been crocheting for a few years now and all my friends call it my grandma hobby. Otherwise they like it when I gift them amigurumis on their birthdays so that's cool. I don't think people would find your hobby lame, most of the people who found out I crochet actually asked me to teach them how to do it.
Also props to you for learning how to knit, I've been aching to knit myself a pair of socks but I seem to be unable to knit at all.
No. 626871
>>626852no way! i would really love to get good at knitting, maybe if you want to you could try looking into tapestries! there's this artist i follow that makes the cutest ones:
https://seagullsandturtledoves.tumblr.com/tagged/knittingi think your hobby is cool anon!
No. 626893
File: 1599737848787.gif (5.34 MB, 480x262, giphy.gif)
So I went to a meetup yesterday and it sort of reinforced my feelings that I'm missing something fundamental that everyone else has. It's not even one thing, its several things. Normal people have motivation, goals, a desire to live and and I'm jut sort of….a bag of skin and organs without a personality that just sort of…exists?? floats through life?? Additionally, all the other people had a lot to say, whereas whenever I opened up my mouth to speak, the words came out all jumbled and my voice was all strained and weak and I got the usual 'speak up please, we can't hear you' thing that all introverts are familiar with. Also it made me realize how…unconsciously I live life, it makes sense? Like all these people had reasons to do all kinds of things and I just do things because…I don't know. I just do things. I guess I need to reflect more?
It's funny because for the longest time I believed that the only deficit I have is my lack of social skills but this meeting realized that I lack much more than that. Motivation, warmth, liveliness, optimism, God knows what more. This is a truly retarded metaphor but it felt like I was Pinocchio surrounded by real, actual, flesh humans and I just want to become like them, I just don't know fucking howwww
No. 626901
>>626860People really act like pets in general are, idk, objects or some shit you can just replace, especially cats.
I hope all goes well anon
No. 626907
File: 1599740298332.jpeg (88.39 KB, 200x300, 200.jpeg)
My retarded lactose intolerant self after binging on 4 bowls of cereal with whole milk kek
fuck me anons, will I ever stop shitting?
No. 626913
>>622665I’m thinking of leaving that meme site. The users there have pushed way too many buttons and I don’t want to co-exist with people who dismiss the idea that women are just exaggerating their experiences on catcalling and harassment.
I’ve been doing it for Twitter and I’m doing the same for that site.
No. 626917
I'm growing more distant from my bf and as I do it, I can see just how bullshit it is.
So he made a mistake. Not a huge deal (it's just some timekeeping issues on his part), but he's made the same one a few times and the resolution is it was on me to make sure he does the thing because I'm the one who cares about it. OK. So this time I DO X thing, I give him the reminder and the mistake still happens, so I'm annoyed as I was before and I calmly (and I mean it!) explain why I'm annoyed.
His reaction? I should do Y thing on top of that to make sure. It's not a big deal to do Y, so why am I upset? I tell him he could be more considerate and try not actually make the mistake and his reaction is HE WALKS AWAY.
At this point like I said, I'm more distant so I don't chase as I used to, it's a predictable response. I wait and he comes back, tells me it's not fair on him and why is it so hard to just do Y.
Cue me trying to explain I shouldn't go 100% to manage his mistakes and he's SO ANGRY, like he's literally shaking in anger and I'm just confused tbh. What have I done to be the target of such strong emotions? I just asked him to be more mindful. He storms off AGAIN and I'm asking him to come back to talk it through (I haven't raised my voice, I let him speak and didn't interrupt so I didn't antagonise him further) and he's shouting "NO" over and over while walking off.
At this point I'm really confused as to why he's so fucking mad. I wait a bit and approach, ask him why he's so so angry and let him know I just want him to put thought into fixing frequent mistakes instead of blaming me. He goes into all of this hyperbole and yelling eg. "so I'm supposed to never make a mistake again then?" "if you know what I should do to fix it why don't you just tell me?" "this is bullshit it was a small thing" etc etc.
It's just stunning to me because it feels like he blew what could've just been "you're right, I'll try be more mindful" into a full on meltdown when all I could've done to aggravate it is hold my stance that he should make an effort not to make that mistake. And when I cared more I used to be super upset that he'd walk away and chase him and explain my (what I think is reasonable) viewpoint while he uses reductive arguments like I stated above and I'm trying to bat them away while restating my core point until I'm so emotionally exhausted I take an "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt" and move on.
But this time I had more emotional resilience because I didn't chase, and I was surprised to see such unbridled anger as his defence mechanism when the usual didn't work. IDK I always thought I was too emotional and sensitive even if my points were valid, but his reaction this time has me rethinking it. I mean hell even if my request was unreasonable, his reaction still would've been super weird today.
No. 626920
>>626917He was angry because you asked him to be accountable. And how dare you ask men to do that and not mommy them instead, lol.
I really hope you don't stay with such a manipulative loser.
No. 626922
>>626917And I want to add that through him getting madder he never once acknowledged that he could take some responsibility and try not make the mistake. He maintained with asking if I expect him to never make a mistake, me doing Y isn't much bother etc. And I'd say like "yeah doing Y isn't much bother but also…you could do something?".
It was a bit scary because his face was all scrunched up, hands balled up into fists, I could see the muscles on his arms flexed, he was talking through his teeth. And in my head I was like "whoa, chill".
venting here because idk that was such a stupid, thoughtless reaction on his part.
>>626920Yeah, I'm applying like mad for well paying positions to live on my own atm. Until then it's something to put in the back of my mind. It's just the difference in reaction when I wasn't desperately clinging to his distancing was eye opening.
>>626918Wigs have so much variety anon. Sometimes I wonder if I should shave entirely and just have a different style so I never get bored. If you are seriously considering it, I think it'll pay off! Also I'm sure nobody cares so much about your hair as you do.
No. 626927
>>626923He probably doesn't
lie to himself; traumatic experiences like this can warp your reality so it wouldn't surprise me if he actually thinks that he was targeted. It will most likely pass sooner or later.
>>626656Anon, I understand your frustration but this was very traumatising for him and he's probably not thinking clearly, cut him some slack.
>i may also be upset because i was pretty close to the line of fire as well and he never consoled me or said he was grateful nothing happened to me, etc. idk.This is what got me tho. Makes you sound pretty self-absorbed.
No. 626932
>>626929This. My mom got with my father who is an
abusive piece of shit and never accepted that he is one of the reasons I have various mental issues and blames it on my own self. It was until a police told her that she enabled his abuse, that she realized that she fucked up but even then, she says it was just ''a mistake'' and started to whine about ''the past is the past'' and that she just made a mistake. I deeply resent her for that.
No. 626939
>>626900>I have to feel content with myselfYes! I've come to the same conclusion, I have to change a lot of beliefs that I have about myself and life. Especially unlearning learned helplessness. I've always had this very passive attitude to life - university, friendships, jobs - they all just sort of happened to me. I have to force myself to believe that I'm an active participant in my own life. I also have become unemployed recently (today, actually) so I really have to get my shit together
>I'm like, what's the point?I relate to this soo hard. I felt like an alien listening to other people during the meetup listing things on their bucket list, wanting to do this and that and I was thinking the same…what's the point. I think we have to force ourselves to believe that life is meaningful. I actually just realized that the passivity might actively reinforce the idea that life is meaningless…how could I value something that just happens and I don't feel like I control it?
I think we should take baby steps out of our comfort zone to gain momentum and then do the big, difficult steps. Good luck to you anon!
No. 626941
File: 1599744559143.jpg (9.23 KB, 168x200, toilet monster.jpg)
>>626907Oh god, reading this made me have a flashback of that time when I forgot to take my lactose enzymes and necked down two lattes before work. Needless to say I spent 4 of my 8 working hours in the bathroom, alternating between shitting, throwing up and crying from the pain. Hang in there, anon, it's going to pass
No. 626961
File: 1599746990490.jpeg (252.5 KB, 2000x1123, B186AECE-DBB6-478D-A2C5-FD31A0…)
I’m packing up my car right now, getting ready to evacuate and leave everything behind. There is an alpaca farm next to me and I don’t think the neighbors will have enough trailers to take them all… it literally looks like an apocalyptic wasteland here. I know when I return (if I do) it will no longer be the beautiful green place I grew up in and loved. I’m just feeling lots of things right now.
I hope 2021 is better.
No. 626973
>>626950I almost never see people complaining if their dad got married to a
abusive bitch of a woman
No. 626982
>>626946Hate is too strong of a word. I don't think any outsiders actually hate abused women. But–and this is a big but–their kids have every right to feel how they do. It's a crock when those women pretend like they don't understand why they don't have good relationships with their kids even though they feel entitled to one due to the shit they put up with or sacrificed because of their abuser. Just look at what this anon
>>626932 went through.
It's terrible to grow up being gaslit by a parent in your life, only to find out later that the reason why your life played out as it did is because one parent made the wrong choices, and the other was a piece of shit. There's empathy to go around there, but ultimately the child is the innocent one who didn't do shit to deserve that suffering so there's definitely accountability to go around as well.
>>626942You tried your best anon, you did the right thing. A guy like that would be super dangerous if he had reproductive capabilities, you did the world a service.
>>626973Tons of people have daddy/stepmom issues, you're being selectively blind.
No. 627005
>>626982 >It's terrible to grow up being gaslit by a parent in your life, only to find out later that the reason why your life played out as it did is because one parent made the wrong choices, and the other was a piece of shitI feel this, but then I also see that one of my parents (the
abusive one) grew up being beaten by his parents and molested by a priest so I know that unhealthy parents just create an endless cycle of more unhealthy parents. I'm just not having kids myself. I have no faith that I can escape the cycle otherwise.
No. 627011
>>627005I think what you're doing is noble if you really don't feel you're cut out for it given your upbringing. Yet I think the children raised by unhealthy parents can sometimes make the best parents
granted they are self-aware of their upbringing and strive to be better than how they were raised. The problem becomes when adult children of unhealthy parents have the mentality like if they survived a shitty childhood, then that means they don't have to give their own children better cause they will turn out "fine" like they did.
No. 627024
>>627022I have but men from back when I was spiraling still try to contact me for sex/attention even though I was awful lol
Ya know you can meet a man 3 years ago and he will just pop up randomly. They never really go away.
No. 627031
>>627015>I know I'm not pretty enough for most guys to want to date but I am pretty enough for them to come back and try to fuck.I'm dead ass not saying this to make you feel better: Men will fuck and marry anyone. Stop treating male behavior as if it's a reflection upon yourself. It's not.
I know lolcow isn't the best because of the platitudes the resident teenagers and mental invalids say like being prettier will make men treat you better (LOL), but you would do well to realize that men have no fucking standards. They just want you to believe they do so you'll jump through hoops being the best version of yourself for them, meanwhile they can carry on with their unwashed asses and emotionally unavailable antics. Men treat you the way they do because they know they can get away with it as you mentally are now. Your low self-esteem and lack of confidence is like blood in the water to their shark asses. So start ghosting them. Tell them no. Make them chase you. Have them spend their money and effort on you because at the end of the day you're what they want, and they go nuts without women unless they're fags milking each other's prostate.
Start believing it.
No. 627046
>>627015>>627031What does it mean if no men want to fuck me?
The aura I give off must be horrifying. Good.
Also grats to anon for getting hold of your mental health. That said, those men deserved whatever abuse you hurled at them since they tried to take advantage of an unstable woman. Shits.
No. 627116
>>627054Kek I had a friend like this a while ago. Kept texting me inappropriate sex stuff, I told him to knock it off. Got a "fine I'll only text you about the weather" type reply, said he wouldn't respond to anything else because "it's too hard to be appropriate around beautiful girls, I might say the wrong thing."
It's just a sad bit men do for pity to make you question yourself. "Oh no, was I being too hard on him?" No, you were not. Block and forget.
No. 627124
>>627116this is about my ex. when he's drunk he texts me flirty stuff (like, the kind of stuff someone would send to try and test the waters if they had never dated) and he even sent me a song that was about a painful break up etc. he has only drunk texted me two or three times but i saw a pattern forming. i just told him to not use alcohol as an excuse to conveniently "forget" we're both trying to move on.
when we were together i could never tell if he was actually upset or pretending. i don't know how he was raised so non-confrontational where he's from. i've met some sensitive doormats before but he really brings it on a different level, geez.
ps i might be overthinking his texts but i'm just so over non-confrontational people who think they can go their whole lives without a single negative comment simply because they personally wouldn't say anything negative to anyone. grow a pair!!!!
No. 627138
>>626555The good news is that I talked to him and he's okay with me getting a platinum band if it makes me happy. He just wants whatever will make me happy. So huzzah.
>>626588You were right anon, I was worried over nothing. Is that pic the ring you got? It's lovely.
No. 627199
File: 1599764516943.png (3.64 MB, 2278x970, Ameiurus_melas_by_Duane_Raver.…)
Found out someone has been catfishing creeps on 4chan with my pictures and its time for a social media purge and getting a different haircut and color.
Im so fucking terrified of getting Bianca Devins-ed for something I didn't even fucking do why are people like this?
I don't even have that big of a following just a small art account (16k) where i post selfies sometimes to keep engagement up, I hate this and I fucking hate the internet.
No. 627242
>>627233The worst part is that the person was pretending to be 𝗺𝗲, they used every information i posted in passing like my college and major when people asked where I got my formal training in art, my name, photos i would post just lazying around with no make up, my country, its just fucking terrifying.
And then I get some weirdo in my DMs acting like they know me demanding to know why I stopped talking with them on discord.
I never felt so fucking violated.
No. 627279
>>627260Tons of personality-disordered people become teachers precisely for the fact that they are granted authority over children which is the only opportunity they'll ever get in life to flex power.
My mother was a middle school teacher and I had the treat of being her daughter and seeing what an unstable, narcissistic control freak that she was at home firsthand.
Looking back, she didn't have her shit together at all.
No. 627393
>>627387Listen, wanna hear something that'll blow your mind?
There are elementary school teachers in other countries too.
No. 627753
>>627713you'd realize that there is nothing "pedophilic" in the movie
Just saw it.
>little girls watch a stripper expose her breast>little girl puts a condom in her mouth and inflates it like a balloon>main character takes a photo of her vagina and posts it online>main character steals her relative's phone and tries to apologise by acting sexual with him>little girls dance and twerk on stage in front of masses of clapping adults, lots of crotch and ass close ups>main character gets her shorts pulled down, revealing her underwear>little girls twerk on a policemanJust shut the fuck up, I bet you're French or something
No. 627817
File: 1599810077510.jpg (14.09 KB, 360x203, IMG_20200909_153437.jpg)
Tfw I can't seem to find friends to play competitive games because as soon as I mention that I am taken, half of them drift away from me. When it comes to girls, it's usually the one whom I'd meet around one of those "friends" and she'd always see me as a threat.
I just want to play ranked with some good, reliable people… Come on. I miss when this now dead game was popular.
No. 627822
>>627818This!! I am literally talking about OW, too. Everytime there'd be a woman like that it'd be either the one who would be passive aggro while always having uwu voice either some other fake pandering shit. Out of playing in many groups I have met only two nice women, which were:
A british lesbian Moira main who had an amazing sense of humor and I loved playing w her, sucks how our whole group got disbanded bc people got bored of playing;
A nice hitscan main that I met through steam recently from other EU country, she is a super sweet lady.
I remember the other day I had to encounter a 27yo Mercy main who would keep failing but still trying to have a high pitched voice and pretend to be all fragile, and whenever I'd say something she would for some odd reason sound even louder and make her pitch higher.
Honestly, out of desperation I even tried looking on 4chan to play, but OW /vg/ thread is nothing but people talking about how much they want to fuck x character and other waifuposting.
I do not want to try finding people on Discord again, because I feel like as if finding any1 on Discord is a doomed place, considering my experience I wrote earlier.
Doesn't seem like reddit is a good place either.
No. 627875
File: 1599819290793.png (190.24 KB, 500x650, ?DOKE°88.png)
I don't care if I sound like a crybaby, I hate work and it makes me wanna kill myself, I wish I could spend my time with the people I love, crafting shit and walking in nature. I wish I could be free.
No. 627910
File: 1599823912465.gif (1.54 MB, 360x234, a942d1dd-34cc-4185-a7c9-f02872…)
To be 100% honest, I regret not killing myself when I was younger. I never thought I'd live to be 18, now I'm 25 and my life might not be the worst but it still sucks, simply due to lack of money, location and social circle.
I can't fix most of these no matter how hard. My family lives slightly above poverty and there's always some stupid shit around the house that needs to be fixed etc and my parents are really immature so I have to take care of everything. I almost had enough money to get a car but had to give it all away to get the roof fixed because it was rotting and wouldn't hold for another year. I'm broke again. I can't find a better job ot education due location and lack of transport. I can't go and be a full time student because my parents need me to help them out financially. A lwa is or will be passed to allow employers to employ more immigrants to work so student jobs will suffer.
I'm trying to kind of learn programming and maybe try to get a certificate for it or some shit but fuck I don't feel like it's worth it at all. I have to suffer and slave away to be bearly able to survive. What's the fucking point?
No. 627914
>>627908That sucks, they seem really mean. I don't think it's petty or dumb to be upset about this, since it's hard to come to any other conclusion but that you were mentioned in these messages. But in the end you were invited and maybe if some of them were maybe not convinced about you, whoever decided to invite you wanted to do it, so now just be yourself and they'll see you're cool.
And if they decide to be immature and act weird toward you, just leave the group, pointless to get into any drama.
No. 627920
>>622665Give me strength today, anons. I have been dreading this day all week. I have to work with this absolute creepy annoying fat fucking scrote. I don't tend to use scrote, but this useless fuck is the definition of scrote. The job is overseeing inmates doing their work. (Get paid very good money to walk around and sit). Day one and the first thing he does in complain about the job, how his old one was worse and how lazy and fat his wife is. Day two was him complaining about how he didn't have keys to things (even though he was told how to get them). Day 3 was him mad that he had to work a second shift and then a first shift the next day, even though he offered. When told, "hey just tell the boss, they will change things for you".. "oh no the schedule is set we can't change it, it's the bosses mess up not mine". Day 4 began the touching. Grabbing the arm or touching the shoulder to get your attention. Never the male employees , just the women.
An absol