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The more secrets you feed the farm, the stronger the farm gets. Lay yourselves bare before the farm gods.
Previous thread: >>>/ot/541792Commentary is allowed.
a cunt like you was about to gatekeep a bunch of drugs lmfao. Should've said that I did it more than once and there were times where I was just completely high out of my mind nearly every day uwu
Similar here, it took quite a few attempts to manage my first toy because the pain was so intense. I continued to have sharp pain and some bleeding the first dozen or so times that I fucked toys. I'm generally good with pain but my hymen was a bitch to stretch.
Years later when I eventually had sex with a guy I only told him it was my first time afterwards.. he didn't believe me so I explained that I had used toys for years. He seemed so disappointed! I hate that men have this thing about 'popping it' as if our pain is their accomplishment. I'm glad I dealt with it my own way.
the only sex i genuinely was enthusiastic about and felt was passionate was with my recent ex. i think about him constantly and can only get off to thoughts of him. i love him fully, wholly and completely. hes the only guy who got me off, ive never been so deeply in love with anyone and never will again.
we broke up and it's difficult for me cos his ex gf is still his best friend but is still obsessed with him and hated me for dating him. he also moved to another country to be with me, so they dont see each other. he denies the extent of her infatuation with him and dismisses obvious flirting (eg sexy selfies, disparaging me) as 'friendliness'.
i tried to be friends with her, but when we broke up she wrote a callout post about how toxic uwu i am, even though she supposedly abused/raped him in the past. the only reason she hates me is because im dating someone shes hung up over, i really wish she gave me a genuine chance and i feel sad that the progress i made with her was lost that day.
i just want to get back together, but this time just make peace with her obsession and ignore it.
its been a year and he moved transatlantically to be with me, they see each other barely once a year. so why is she so delusional and unable to move on?
her friends should tell her: let him go, he let you go a long time ago.
i believe him! good point sir. i heard that excuse recently but i forget where.
i looked up my grandma's house on the registry and there were 3 on her street, but not the house i was scared about. but it did say 1 offender not registered? in a town of >1000 kinda spooky to think.
school bus anon here. only time will take the embarrassment away..mostly
you know what, i actually did shart in front of my girlfriend a few months ago. she'd literally been trying to get me to do it because she thought it would be funny. then it happened and all she could was laugh her ass off while i was yelling at her to help me because this was her doing
Our looks…? And some personality traits I believe
We have some interests in common and do have heart-to-heart convos bu t we never really talked about nor gone over the past and current toxicity of our family life, I don’t think either of us want to tbh.
I remember back in 2011 when we were waiting for our ride for my sister’s quinceñera, we were completely alone and it felt so awkward while talking about bracelets.
2018 that awkwardness wasn’t really bad when I had to spend the nights with her at the hospital during her ankle surgery. I was comfortable being by her side and happy being away from my stepfather but sometimes I got the feeling she didn’t want me around much and was asking for my sister (see above) or my stepdad to spend the other nights, I didn’t felt wanted and it still hurts to this day despite trying to mend the relationship.
Idk why people are shitting on you. Weed addiction can be a thing. Sometimes you’re not addicted to the substance itself but the lifestyle, the friends and the rituals around it.
Kinda in the same boat at the moment because all of my mates take one thing or the other and every get together or party I join there’s drugs. I have no self control and the only thing that doesn’t tempt me in the slightest is crack or heroin.
I’m almost tempted to start dealing because I lost my job to Corona and everyone around me is too dumb to figure out how to buy shit online so they just buy it overpriced on the streets. I could make hundreds every weekend with just a few grams.
Sometimes I’m tempted to leave the country and start over somewhere else to get away from it all but now all borders are closed until at least next year.
I feel the same way about my dad. Even told me the same spiel about killing himself. I think he's dumb enough where he doesn't even realize just how insanely manipulative that is even if it is true. Good times.
Don't let her drag you down. You deserved better anon.
It could be anon. I knew a person working in an asylum and she’d have all kind of people, ranging from depressed but sane to pyromaniacs. Those people often can’t hold a job and she’d work hard to place them in shops and stores. Sorry you had to deal with that, we tend to think of slow or disabled people as sweet people but sometimes they’re straight up nasty and assholes that add onto your workload.>>555948
I feel a bit bad because I’m leading on several guys and part of me feels that it’s wrong but the other part just thinks that I never specified anything and it’s their own fault for falling for me when I never made any promises.
In reality, I don’t mind hooking up with men but romantically I only fall for women.
I have this bad habit of “flirting” and hyping up people when I’m tipsy and they fall for it every time.
So if any anon is out there trying to figure out how to flirt with straight dudes, just find a legit thing about them that is nice, look at them straight in the eyes and say crap like “I think it’s amazing that you did X! I’m really impressed”. Or just say shit like “You’re absolutely right” when they say something. That’s all they need really.
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My son is three months old; I’m breastfeeding. (Attached to baby 24/7) So like my body’s fully healed and such. I can only have sex with my fiancé when we’re both not tired and it has to be all quick. I love my son but I want some nasty stinky monkey sweaty, naked SEX. All I can think of all day.
Elaborate in what way?
And before you ask, yes, I am 100% lacking in empathy. What benefits me and material wealth always matters more to me than other people. I've come to accept it even if I'd never confess to it irl.
Hahahahaha I have the exact dilemma rn except I’m inlove with my room, I think if we broke up he would be the one to leave but I’m not sure as his name is signed for the apt
Good luck anon
I just hate the thought of people seeing right through me so I can't leech off of them anymore.
I live rent free in the nicest apartment building in town, you can't just throw that away
You sound like a bitch, should probably stick to eating pussy >>556328
What if he decides to leave you instead? Are you gonna Ted Bundy his ass just so you can keep your precious apartment?
Nobody is jealous of your stupid balcony, you stupid cunt.
are you having a bad day, nonny>>556260>What benefits me and material wealth always matters more to me than other people
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Late response but I did it with a dildo. Tbh I was kinda embarrassed of still being a virgin at 21 and also didn't want a man to take it so I just did it. Feels good knowing other girls did the same because I was feeling like such a weirdo. My friend's bf kept pressuring her while we were at a school trip and it went really bad, she ended up crying and he was actually mad at her after. It gave me a big impression at the time
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I attract anorexic men and I'm not sure why because I'm quite fat and love food. Is it because I'm into the brooding boi music scene types?
The new man I'm dating is over 6' but is only 140 pounds when wet, he's pretty skelly(like even more than far left of pic related). I feel ashamed to eat or mention food around him because he only eats once a day and is a picky eater. Like he doesn't eat junk food-which is good-but he also doesn't like a lot of normal foods either. Sometimes when I smoke weed and we'll be talking on the phone I'll be like "Awwwwwh yeah doesn't _____ sound great to eat right now?!" and he'll reply that he isn't hungry kek. I hate being fatter than my boyfriends but idk maybe I'm like thinspo to them or something. Which doesn't make sense because they're romantic and are sexually attracted to my body. They never ask me to perform fat fetish-specific activities like face sitting or belly squashing plus the sex is always fairly vanilla so I'm not sure if it's sexually motivated either.
>inb4 I'm exaggerating
I did legit date a diagnosed anorexic male like several years ago but back then I wrote it off cause he did have a phobia of becoming obese after a brain tumor had caused his obesity, so I didn't think that had anything to do with me.
I tried googling "fat women with skinny men" but all I get are articles talking about skinny women dating obese dudes, or a bunch of people shitting themselves because a 400 pound woman said she only wants to bang skinny dudes. I'm not terribly insecure about it cause I am making better dieting choices as of late and am losing, but I was just curious about the psychology.
Maybe I'm thinking about it too deeply, but I wonder if it's because being underweight seems like the male social equivalent of women being chubby? Like, they're both viewed as "why don't you get up and do something to fit into the standard of beauty??" but it's either too difficult or they just don't want to. Being big/chubby for men is acceptable and masculine, while being super unhealthy thin is acceptable as "feminine" for women, so skinny men and fat women are on opposite ends of the same thing. Am I making sense?
I feel like this experience potentially makes skelly dudes have more open-minded ideas about beauty and attraction. I also date skinny dudes and I feel like they're less stuck up about what women should look like. Idk, this is interesting, thanks for listening to my podcast
>>556260>What benefits me and material wealth always matters more to me than other people. I've come to accept it even if I'd never confess to it irl.
Anon please stop embarrassing yourself. You're literally just afraid of intimacy and fixate on the fleeting joys that material possessions bring you as a cope. There are no less than 50 million other people on this planet who also do this. Nobody who lacks empathy to the point of being an actual danger to others goes around subtly bragging about it for edge points.
People who larp as sociopaths internet are harmless to the point of being pathetic.
Aw you’re deflecting, how cute!
Why don’t you go find a sugar daddy if you like material wealth, or are you too much of a pussy to go through the ordeal of sacrificing whatever dignity you may have?
I’m sure rich old men are okay with you mooching off them if you give them what they want, know what I mean?
I think you are overthinking it, they're actually unable to gain weight due to low appetite and forgetting to eat.
There is probably more things about you to like than your excess weight, to assume that they are into you because they're chubby fetishists would be quite a stretch, i think, they most likely wouldn't mind if you dropped some weight, they might be self-conscious over not being enable them to perform some more advanced gymnastics in bed due to being skellies themselves.
Aww u mad?
My point still stand, go find a sugar daddy you whore :)(go back to kiwifarms)
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I would like to see your balcony anon, i'm sure it's lovely!
Yeah I did. He was the one that suggested that I go get tested but he made it seem like he wanted us to both get tested to make sure we we're clean before having sex again bc he does have multiple partners. But he never told me that he came back for anything and I'm pissed he wasn't up front with me about it.
He said he was scared to tell me bc he didn't want it to ruin our friendship (we have a long history and have know each other since middle school and only have sex in the occasion).
So while I'm mad at him, there's not much he can do but say sorry. He didn't know he had it when we had sex and I should've been more responsible for myself and asked about how many partners he had, if they were using protection and probably should've used protection myself.
Tbh, I have little to no confidence, and I do consider myself ugly, however I also have a low expectations rate. >>557104
Understandable, a lot of people call her ugly and she has been caught reading and posting here
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When I was 11 years old, the most hated girl in my school called me a nigger and told me I was going to hell because I wasn't a Christian. I sat behind her in class so I had fun sticking messages on her back with another girl I didn't like. During recess, we would throw water on her and trip her up. I also pretended to forgive her and be her friend in order to talk to her and thus push her to say ridiculous things to make my friends and I laugh, which was easy because she was socially inept. The teachers noticed us but didn't say anything most of the time, which is funny because I used to get yelled at when I was behaving/being bullied before. I feel a bit bad for the girl now, she was poorly dressed and clearly from a poor family. Even the younger kids made fun of her.
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Fbeing tall. Everytime I see a girl complain about being short I wanna fucking die. bitch what is it, you’re so feminine? You’re seen as such a womanly woman. Must be so difficult also you can just wear heels what can tall girls do to erase their stature? I wanna be like 5’3” and cute. I feel giant and intimidating, my shoulders are broad and rib cage is way wider than my hips. I feel attacked when farmers talk about trannies cause all that literally applies to me and I was born a biological female
How tall are you anon?
I'm on the taller side and wouldn't mind being a little more taller, being tall is the fucking best imo
i really wish i could voice out my opinion in the situation but then i realize she can be a bit stubborn or "blind." she literally thought this two actors in a thai bl drama are dating but when i tried to be realistic and told her that it could be publicity stunt with the gestures and other things they do with each other. she denied until one of the actors in the series stated that they were anything but lovers. it really broke her heart. now, she jokes about the 'delulu' fans when that was her before.
god, the kpop shipping was worse though but good thing she stopped talking about it when the group is currently on a hiatus.
she might not see our friendship the way i do and i don't want to fight with her considering she and i have been friends for almost a decade now.
anon, if you have the chance please talk to your sister. you're killing your ears and eyes off if it continues like that.
183cm / 6'0 tall anon here.
i understand how you feel. i refuse to wear heels because i hate looking even more down on people while i talk and standing out.
however, i hope you come to accept your height and your body. it's tough sometimes, but i've grown to like my height - we can't do anything about it so why stress over it?
First of all, tall woman =/= tranny. Being "small and cute" is overrated and imo, not that meaningful among adult women.
Personally, I like tall women a lot. I'm sure you look good.
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Try being 5'3 yet still having broad and mannish features WITH the added bonus of looking like shit if you gain five pounds who no one takes seriously because you're child height.
That's life as a 5'3. Seriously, you don't have it so bad. I've been called 'tranny' by incels too at this height. People who are calling biological women trannies don't give a shit how tall or short you are, they're saying it to hurt you.>all women in pic related weigh 150
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at least you know how retarded you're being rn
Have thought about all of this and come to the conclusion that since my specific face is what bothers me, 1.) I think I would be fine with a different ugly face, if reborn 2.) I hate any other form of vanity and consumerism/materialism and I think it's fine to be "ugly", I genuinely don't find anyone other than myself ugly 3) I don't feel sorry for myself because I know I'm being a dumbass, I'm just very exhausted>>557570
Thank you. I know you're absolutely right and when I think about women in the world who actually suffer injustice and real strife, I feel ashamed of myself for feeling this way. That's why I posted it here. You're right, I probably won't kms. I'll try to focus on being a good person.
Anon, you already are
Jokes aside, is it the attention? People checking up on you? Being followed and commented on?
i see. i kinda notice from a group of fakebois that i follow on instagram that they stopped talking to their friends who left the trans scene and became girls again. idk why, i always thought that the girls were living somewhere far and couldn't communicate with them longer but there was one who came back from university but only have few pictures from one location and it's because their fans were demanding for a reunion.
maybe i was seeing things from the shallow point of view. especially since i'm in a place where being a tomboy meant you're a lesbian, and also a disappointment, and not just someone who likes things far from the norm. it took years for my mom to realize i could never be like her. thanks, anon.
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I use space e-mail still to this day. It used to be a huge part of my Tumblr phase back in 2013-2016 and I still haven't grown tired of using it. It's nice to say whatever I want on there and send it. Most e-mails are from so many years ago though, I wonder what happened to the people in them.
Pic attached is a random email I just got from someone who's kin with Jean SNK and writing this to Marco aka their "kin mate" and it made me laugh. It's very cringe but I kinda find it endearing, because it's just so crazy to me how it's from 2013 and back then the SNK fandom was peaking so hard.
I'm feeling pretty nostalgic and sad right now, because I miss those times so much even though I used to be a genderspecial fakeboy back then. At least I had a lot of friends, was popular on there and had the time of my life with my blog aesthetic and fandoms I participated in. Nowadays you don't even have anything like that anymore.
if you want to try to do it, do it. if being a fakeboi means cutting your hair short and changing your clothes or name, do it. those things aren't permanent and you might even find out something about who you are and how you express yourself.
sorry to sperg but ill even share my own related confession. despite the fearmongering and clearly biased attitudes and perspectives you'll get here, I know quite a few trans elders and older trans folks, including transmen at all stages of transition, and talking with gender nonconforming or trans people provided me with a perspective I never thought I would've had if I continued to browse boards like gc and other sites. depending where you're located, you either have a lot of barriers to go through, or you may have it easier than others when it comes to transitioning (socially or physically). but there really is a sense when having a deep philosophical conversation with an ACTUAL trans person (and not an internet persona or strawman) that they have a more free and open understanding of themselves and others. Just seeing the dedication some of the trans ppl I've met have gone through just to be able to physically transition or discover who they are is impressive regardless of someone's own personal thoughts towards troons. definitely educate yourself and open yourself up to new perspectives, actually transitioning takes a lot of dedication, time, and self discovery. even if you turn out to not actually be trans, if you're not making irreversible decisions like medical transitioning, you can still learn a lot about yourself. I've met de-transitioners who de-transitioned/no longer identify as trans but still appreciate the journey they went through to realize who they are. of course not everyone is able to say that, but if you really believe you have gender dysphoria or euphoria, I'd definitely talk to a gender therapist or reach out to a local LGBT+ center that may have educational resources.
At least you’re honest about being trans is as easy as changing hair and clothes and name kek nothing permanent, just like trying on a costume.
Can you tell me more about these deep philosophical conversations? genuinely curious.
i'm in the same boat except he's not dating anyone, just a long time friend. if we hung out irl, i wouldn't be feeling this maybe. actually, i think it the platonic crush started right before the virus hit the US then quar escalated my feelings. i have a gf and she's the same way with him. it's caused some issues>>557527
don't think suicidal people care>>557595
could it just be really bad dysmorphia?>>557767
i understand the need for camraderie, but they easily cast people out for a slight differing opinion, etc.
at least you can become a model if you really wanted to
I will never have that chance.
This freaked me out to read because I swear I could've written it exactly. Been maladaptive daydreaming my entire life. I can't remember a time where I didn't do it. And unfortunately, a lot of my daydream scenarios are embarrassing romance fantasies usually centered around a celebrity or someone otherwise unattainable. And sure enough…Hozier has been one of the latest ones. He's just such a beautiful singer/lyricist and seems like a really nice, genuine person - operative word being seems
I can reason out why I do this all day long. I know I'm just projecting qualities I like or desire in a person onto someone who appears to embody them, but I can't seem to stop myself. I feel pathetic even typing this out.
Hopefully you can at least take some comfort in the knowledge that there's another person out there doing the exact same shit
lmao anon i feel like i can relate in some way; i'm not hot enough to be a model but i'm also 5'8 and had a pixie cut for awhile, so i got a lot of "lmao u look like a man" or "lol ur so brave…" comments
i'm not particularly feminine, i'm just tall and skinny with an average face. people don't respect me more for my height, which isn't even out of the ordinary but is still somehow too tall
He definitely seems that way…god knows we would probably be let down. Never meet your heroes.
Daydreaming like this makes real life hit so much harder. Everything and everyone seems so bland and disappointing in comparison to what I think about. Even/especially myself.
I just feel stunted and dumb.
Anyway thank you. Let’s pray for our little maladaptive hearts.
Maladaptive daydreaming anon here too.
I think the gist of mine are centered around romance and someone with a status (usually actor or singer) to show off.
I guess I kinda hate how “bland” I am compared to talented people, even though I’m neither stupid nor untalented, I always want to be an extreme something (Really smart, really good at something, wowing people with it or becoming extremely rich) or being associated with someone with those traits.
Kinda lame I guess but I’ll never let it out outside of an anon board.
I feel you so much. It's not like I want to be super sm0l, I just want to be a normal woman. There doesn't pass a day without me dreaming about being shorter and thus more feminine. All the anons saying that this is "overrated" and that we should be proud strong warrior amazons are so delusional. This is the real world, who gives af about having slightly higher chances of becoming a model (sorry I'm no 15yo poor siberian girl about to be sold to sex trafficking) when it means having a shit social life in exchange?
As a child I was never allowed to be a typical kid, I was always held to much higher standards than others because everybody assumed I'm much older, as a teen I got bullied and starved myself to appear smaller while other girls started getting boyfriends and now as an adult I still! get rude comments. And it's not like men respect me more either, on the contrary, they might treat a smaller woman better because they thinks she's cute, no need to be nice to somebody you find disgusting.>>558187>I’m 5’10 and muscular. If I lose weight you can see my bones and I look like a manly Gollum.
Same, gain weight and look like a massive monster, lose weight and look bony and manish as hell.
It's not just general height, it's everything. Your hands, your feet, your head, even your knee caps, everything is different, bigger and uglier than of a woman of average height, there are like a billion tiny things that keep making me self conscious that I wouldn't even have to think about if I was normal.
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you said it yourself anon, third one down
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>>558215>It's not just general height, it's everything. Your hands, your feet, your head, even your knee caps, everything is different, bigger and uglier than of a woman of average height
Anon my sides
And others don't get bullied at all, even if they have unattractive traits. I definitely remember some 'popular girls' from school who were tall, broad or chubby but fun and likeable so nobody was mean to them, and they certainly got boyfriends.
imo personality and bad luck is what gets you bullied, mostly if you're quiet or awkward or weird and happen to be around particularly nasty people. Appearance is just low hanging fruit when it comes to insults.
If it’s really out of control, ie negatively impacting your life then yeah it’s time to look for therapy or self train yourself to snap out of it?
I usually keep it in check by “allowing myself” to zone out in places like the bus, shower, walking somewhere, cleaning around or right before going to sleep.
I usually have dumb scenarios going on and “scenes” that I like to elaborate on and replay in my head until they’re perfect. I also often do that with my exes until a new obsession arises. Which is kinda funny because it actually helps me stop thinking about them (by replacing them with someone else kek) but since it’s not rare for some of them to message me out of the blue, I wonder if they do the same thing.
Some of my classmates (boys) acted like I was ugly and weird only because I had short hair and resting bitch face. Also probably because I looked older, not sure about it though. At the same time I was getting a lot of positive attention from other men, in their 20's and older (that's why I think that maybe I really didn't look like a teen). Surely there were other reasons why some of my classmates didn't like me - I was introverted, listened to 'weird music', and so on. But the thing is, I wasn't ugly at all.
Bullies at school are mostly conformists and would always look at you through the prism of current beauty standards in their most primitive form. I was in high school around the end of 00's. The most popular girls were glamorous tanning salon habitues with dyed blond hair.
Sometimes it's not even about standards, an insecure person will taunt you just about anything that makes you stand out in any way to feel better about themselves.
Sometimes it's being done because their own self-esteem is threatened by something that you have and they don't. For example, you're smarter or more individualistic. They realize that they won't really accomplish anything after school and it makes them jealous of someone who most probably will.
TL;DR school sucks, bullies are losers
>>558302>Legit some guy in highschool implied I would get into my choice college only because I was Latino and a woman.
That's disgusting of him, the next time someone speaks to you should reel off the disparity in education that you would have received just a few decades ago or even the solve rate of murders of Latino women in recent history. So what if the odds are in your favor in college applications? Thousands of women before you lived an incredibly unjust reality, the world owes it to make up for that.
I'm really angry for you anon. It's inspiring that you're dedicated to becoming a good student to show these awful people that you deserve your place, but rich kids whose parents buy their way into college don't make that effort, so don't put too much pressure on yourself for the benefit of others.
regardless of how you or anyone feels about affirmative action, he fact is that it exists and you would be a fool not to take advantage of it.
just work hard and don't doubt yourself.
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i think i have fuckboy tendencies (due to my attachment/mommy issues). i stay away from romantic relationships because they give me anxiety, but i always end up in some sort of weird gray zone with guys…
>i meet guy/guy dms me
>we start chatting (online)
>both are attracted to each other
>are friendly but eventually start flirting
>develop some sort of emotional relationship
>i lose interest
>guy gets needy
>we fall out
it has become a pattern and while i try to avoid it, it seems to happen somewhat regularly. maybe a side of me seeks it out to feel fulfilled somehow?
therapy is helping a bit, but it's so hard for me to develop deep & strong bonds with people i like, especially if i like them romantically. at some point i find some kind of a flaw and lose all interest and feelings i had for them. it's terrible, because i genuinely stop giving a fuck about them and their feelings.
i know it's a defence mechanism but i feel like i should feel bad for treating people this way, but i don't. this happens with friends too, i push people away, stop caring about them and move on.
Not a stranger, long time fwb
Just because you're single doesn't mean the only people you're sleeping with are strangers/people that you hardly know. >>558416
The area I'm at is already opened back up and never had a mandatory lockdown. You can even go in to restaurants and eat.
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I recently thought about the value of life and how could things like Holocaust happen. Then I pondered how much should I be paid for me to kill a random person in the world Death Note style. I came up with an answer, 4 000€. Then I thought to myself, "What if instead of 1 random person I'd kill 60 000 000. If I put 60 million to death I could get away with something like 0.1€ per life.
Killing someone for a mere ten cents is just cruel but six million dollars would really change my life. Does it really matter if I kill ten or twenty? I'd feel just as bad for one as I'd do for sixty million.
>But what if you waste it, can imagine the guilt?
That's no reason to let an opportunity pass by.
I can't be the only one who thinks like this? It might seem psychopathic but I'm quite sane. It's just a hypothetical question
Lmao you sound like a prudish sex ed teacher
Adults have casual sex. You dont have to be in love with someone to have sex with them sometimes you just want to get off
are you 12? anon is saying that fwb is somewhat dangerous normally because you have to be more
trusting of the other person than in a relationship.
>>558450>you suck at casual sex if you're worried that you're pregnant
Lmao, what? You know the only way to guaranteed not to get pregnant is abstinence. No form of contraception is %100, both condoms and birth control fail sometimes. And if you're having sex with the same person, there's a chance you might not use a condom every time, even if it is slightly reckless.
But yes, me having sex with a fwb is me going in a downward spiral.