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i think you're a bit of an asshole but for good reason tbh, if you're bonded and its treated well then so be it
domestic cats should NOT be outdoor cats, so like…sorry lady lmao you obviously didn't care enough to worry until it was gone
not like she can prove its hers anyway
I don't see what the problem with this kind of thread is? I like it.
Just ignore it if you don't like it.
You basically stole the cat because the cat was being a slut for attention like how most cats are.
But the original owner is also an asshole for letting their cat outside, anything else could have happened to it like being eaten or hit by a car. >>410650
Not the asshole.
But really, would you rather hear if you're an asshole from idiotic, cumbrained, misogynistic scrotes on Reddit, or from (halfway) sane anons who have no interest in gaslighting and/or shilling political agendas?
As long as the gross run-off from Reddit don't make their way here, I think it's fine.
I'm sorry but OP is clearly saying that she has seen that the owner is actively looking for her cat and has flat out lied about stealing it? It's not like she took in a starving stray animal.>>410677
In most of Europe, people believe the cat's well being and happiness is most important than his owner's wishes.
How is it beneficial for a cat‘s wellbeing to be run over by a car?
I got my cat from a shelter, she was dying outside before someone found her. Never letting my baby outside, the risk is way too high.
I am searching every single combination of words I can think of to find anywhere where indoor cats are considered animal abuse or against the law and finding nothing. Provide specific countries please.
>the cat's well being and happiness is most important than his owner's wishes.
Which is why they should always be indoors. What part of "significantly shorter lifespan" is so hard to understand?
Cats enjoy the outside until some neighbor's dog or a tire is tearing them to shreds.
And if you don't want someone to accidentally steal your cat, I repeat: put a damn tag on it. It's not yours anymore the second you let it outside without a tag or microchip.
It really depends on where you live, as you said. If I lived in the countryside with little traffic or other things that could hurt my cat, she'd be an outdoor cat too.
Unfortunately I don’t live in a place like that at all, so she has to stay inside.
We’re always worried about her not tolerating a collar though, because what if she gets outside somehow one day and what OP described happens?
You people don't understand the purpose of this thread I am afraid. What's the point of ''am i an asshole?'' thread if you're just looking for people to hugbox you and polarizing opinions in your favour?
If you can't comprehend that in many countries outside the US, people live in the countryside with few cars and danger IDK what to tell you. Btw collars are a choking hazard since they can get caught in branches etc. Seems more like a comestic accessory than anything else.
>>410705>Btw in tons of places in the world letting your cat indoors is considered cruel and abusive
Using that phrasing made it sound like you were saying it was illegal and you did not clarify what you meant until now. Anyone who thinks it's abusive
to greatly lower your cat's chance of dying is either a nutjob or horribly uneducated on the subject, but shouldn't own a cat either way.
Also, your previous argument that collars are mostly cosmetic is absolutely retarded. You are participating in a conversation that centers around how black of identification can lead to people mistaking your cat for a stray. How can you be so dumb to say they're just an aesthetic thing in this context?
So you would rather live 90 years completely miserable in prison than 50 years free?>>410709
It's funny for someone how hell bent on safety you are, you would put your cat's health in jeopardy for the sake of identification. Many more ways exist like tattoos and microchips.
Stop thinking a cat living outdoors equals immediate death lol. My cat lived 6 years outdoors/indoors before becoming a complete indoors cat. Statistics are skewed since they refer to stray cats, not outdoors cats who also get fed and medically treated by human beings.
>>410712>It's funny for someone how hell bent on safety you are, you would put your cat's health in jeopardy for the sake of identification.
The health risks to a cat from being outside are incomparably greater than whatever weird complication comes from form of identification. This is one of the weakest gotchas I've ever seen.
>Statistics are skewed since they refer to stray cats, not outdoors cats who also get fed and medically treated by human beings.
I am finding nothing that says this other than your post. Sources?
>So you would rather live 90 years completely miserable in prison than 50 years free?
A more comparable number would be 20 years with the ability to go outside or 100 years indoors in a nice apartment with everything I need. And I would choose the latter.
He actually hasn't even expressed any interest in going outside.
In my experience, most people who want their cats to be outdoor cats just want to deal with less litter and general burden. I've seen people make their cats go outside and I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case with him because he doesn't seem to have a desire to at all. Anytime I leave he just sits there, doesn't try to go out the door. Even when I had it open for like 10 minutes to bring my new fridge inside.
You still stole someone’s cat. ESH but obviously you’re the bigger fucking asshole for stealing someone’s pet, most people consider them family members
Doesn’t matter what your stance on outdoor vs indoor is because it’s still not YOUR cat
I am neither middle class nor American, I’m just not a retard that lets loose animals to roam outside of my property which I have absolutely no intention of supervising
By your logic I should let my rabbits roam about the city just because they want to with complete disregard to their safety and well-being
>>410719>100 years indoors in a nice apartment with everything I need
Big derail (although I guess it's already a derail), but this sounds so nice. Living out my days at home with my family and just taking part in my hobbies and sleeping, eating, and getting snugs.
God I wish I were my cat.
This is yet another dumb comparison because a mother doing that with her kid would have CPS called on her and be charged with child neglect or some shit.
Are you afraid of this happening to you? Just microchip your fucking cat.
And the owner clearly doesn't care about the obvious consequences of being insanely irresponsible with her cat.
Also, are you missing the part about there being no definitive way to know the cat belonged to this girl in the first place? You're essentially advocating that anyone who loses their cat in easily avoidable situations are justified to punch any rando who has a cat that resembles it.
That's true of some cats, but definitely not all. There's a lot of cats that look generic AF.>>410761
To be fair, the owner could easily think the cat is hers when it isn't. I had a friend who was convinced a neighbor stole their cat (similar situation but this one had a collar) only to find its remains in the woods the next week. There's really no way of being certain.
I just want to point out in some states animal control will straight up put the animal down if there's no evidence anyone owns the animal and the shelters are overcrowded.
So yeah, don't be dumb with your animals.
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Moral of the story: microchip your cat
willing to bet like a good third of the anti-letting cats out ones. repeating talking points/phrases. >>410771
yeah, owner is at fault for not feeling ops massive psycho pet stealer vibes /s
That's so horrible anon, I'm so sorry you're in such a nightmare of a situation. You absolutely should leave and take the kids. You're not an asshole in the slightest for doing that.
Also, no father is far better than a horrible father.
I wish you the best.
Trying to escape from an abusive
household doesn't make you an asshole. I can't really give you any life advice, but I hope things work out alright for you, and that you can be free of him someday.
it's a tricky one due to children. firstly, please elaborate what you mean by him having changed a bit? is the emotional abuse in the past too then?
in my heart I want to tell you to dump him bc being a child of a family where the dad abuses the mom is worse than a poorer but healthier household imo but I'm not sure what's the best way for you to disengage from him. if he isn't abusive
rn, work on getting a job and saving up some, if he is, reach out to women's shelters or crisis centres.
don't worry abt the father figure meme, I'm sure no father figure is better than father figure that abuses them, especially if your children are boys.
No, you're not the asshole for wanting to leave someone because he raped and abused you.
Your children would be disgusted if they found this out when they're older. They will understand why you left.
However how do you intend to gain custody of the kids if he lawyers up and shows that you've never had a work history and need benefits in order to live?
If he's asshole enough to rape you, he's likely asshole enough to punish you through your kids by trying to assassinate your character and take them away. Unless you think he won't, but I've seen abusive
I live in Ireland and lived in a residential area my cat was a rescue and likes access to outdoors. It's extremely common to see rescue pages and sites stating if a cat is indoor or needs outdoor access, it's better for their enrichment to get access outside. Maybe US car states are more dangerous. Personally my cat spends some hours outside, she's street smart and engages with school children knowing the times of their commute to get pets. When I was at school she use to range down to the bus stop and walk me home. Some owners give more freedom to their cats. My cat would always come when called and certain nights of the year like bonfire nights or Halloween, fireworks she was kept in. I guess it depends on area, I'm obviously not from US but sounds like this cat was use to having outdoor access.
I'd be interested how the content the cat is now being indoors.
I honestly don’t know.. I feel so broken and defeated at this point and keep switching between despising him and being unable to imagine life without him..
He’s a student so I don’t see him being able to afford a lawyer of any sort but I’m worried my history of abuse could be used against and it would be decided that I’m unfit to be a mother
To the anon that asked before, I don’t think he’s emotionally abusive
anymore.. but I’m very much frightened. I never feel truly at ease anymore and he does have a short fuse. Every little thing he does that inconveniences my life now makes me build up resentment, even if it’s something as mild as not helping with cleaning the house and I have to do it myself while in severe pain
I regret not having left earlier because at the end of the day I think I’m only staying because of our two kids now, but whenever I even entertain the thought of leaving I feel the biggest piece of shit on earth and when he cries I instantly forgive him and regret even bringing up any relationship issues we have
I’m just at a complete loss as to what I should do and whether or not I’m scum for even feeling this way. It’s been 6 years I feel like I should get over it but I know I would never even think of suggesting such a thing to any other rape victim
I love him but I don’t know if that’s enough at this point
What’s inconsistent about it?
And I don’t see my two year old and infant being able to attest to any abuse
What have you been doing in the last few years of adulthood? Did your abusive
parents prevent you from working as an adult?
How is she stupid? Making bad decisions because of either love, or because the alternatives are scary doesn't make someone stupid.>>410940>>410782
First off, start documenting, even if that just means writing down whenever he does things that could be grounds for an unhealthy relationship. What country are you in? Support for mothers is unfortunately varied by where you live. I don't know much about in the US, but in the UK you could divorce on grounds of the past abuse, be offered social housing on the basis of being a mother on benefits and split custody so that the children still see their father.
I'm sorry but when you say "my history of abuse" do you mean you yourself have abused people or drugs, or do you mean his own past abuse?
Do your parents help with babysitting ever or a desire to look after their grandkids? Do you have an type of friends or family that would mind your kids a few hours a day while you get whatever legalities you need to gain employment in the future. Obviously child care cost and welfare of your kids is a big concern so you need to think about how you can have them minded while you look into getting part time work or taking part time classes in the meantime. I assume your fiancé will not help with minding them or spending money on childcare so you need to figure that out because I assume you'll want to start working with a roof over your head to gain independence and maybe save and then once you're out of the house you can hopefully feel comfortable seeking proper help. Hopefully you can leave him sooner if he's abusive
and have somewhere to stay
My mum helps out often as she’s the only one I even remotely trust, I don’t have any friends as I’ve been pretty socially isolated and have trouble opening up to people
I feel like asking for advice on this may have been a mistake, whenever I bring stuff like this up I doubt myself and worry that I’m lying to everyone.. god I know I’m coming off as pathetic and I’m really sorry for that, no one wants to read a sob story (especially on an imageboard)
For god's sake, get out of there. You're not the asshole, you're living with a monster, bail.
I'll post my own:
I quit my decent paying but dead-end tedious job to be my mother's secretary/assistant/manager/whatever. She's started a new business that's getting pretty successful but because she took out a loan to start it she can't afford to pay me more than the bare minimum I need for rent and groceries (the plan is that my wage will go up significantly once the loans are repaid, on steady course to be done by September).
My partner is saying that it was shitty of me to accept this low wage job because, while I can cover the basics, I have a lot less money left for nice things like eating out and we can't take the vacation to Japan together they wanted in December. Am I being an asshole to my partner by bringing in a lot less money to the household than I used to, even though it's a temporary thing?
What the fuck kind of question is that to ask someone? >>410961
But even if you have received support for mental health issues, that doesn't mean that you are marked unfit as a mother unless it's a genuine risk such as a current substance dependency or in manageable personality disorder. Even with both if those examples, something like that would only be a temporary problem until you could prove you were maintaining your mental health once in a safe environment. Additionally, if it was found that the family home was unsafe for you butsomehow still a better place for your children, you should be supported so that you can provide equal custody once you live alone, with the worst case scenario being that you might have to bear through an assessment period. However as the mother and as a domestic abuse victim
you would be in a sympathetic position, and should also be able to ask social services up front if there would be any issues with your claim for custody. At least in the uk, this would be the the case.
Sorry to press the nationality thing, but anons from your city might be able to tell you of welfare organisations that can help get you going in the right direction.
don't stop there anon! you gotta exclude the bobfocs and the ones with bad teeth/hair colours etc too
ps even if you don't say it out loud, even if you come up with an excuse they'll know. haha. "I know you're my sister but I am being blackmailed by my colleague's wife's niece so she has to be a bridesmaid instead sorry about that"
wow you're a huge asshole.
You basically kidnapped someone's family member because you have different views on wether cats should be indoors or outdoors.
How would you feel if your beloved family member had been taken away from you by a cunt and you didn't even know where she went or if she's dead. How would you feel to keep on waiting every day for your cat to come back?
You have no idea if this person took good care of their pet. not everyone has your views and some see it as animal cruelty to lock their cat up indoors.
I hope you feel bad, you're horrible.
NTA and I am an Amerifag but like… you do realize lots of people hate cats, right? I have heard so many horror stories of cats being tortured or poisoned or killed, and most commonly, getting run over. Even letting your cat outside in a rural environment is dangerous. All kinds of birds of prey can hurt or kill them, and often do. Letting your cat out means you don't care about it, tbh.>>412367
Obviously the owner didn't care enough to not let what is essentially a child out, in a high risk area. If it was an accident, ok, but regularly letting a cat out when there are shittons of predators means you are a shit owner, sorry, and the cat deserves better. The cat deserves someone that will actually put its safety and best interest into action.
You do realise a lot of people live outside of America and don't have your same ideas about pets, right? In my country it's perfectly normal and considered abusive
to keep outdoor-cats indoors.
In fact, in our contract from the shelter where we got our outdoor cats, it actually states we are obligated to let the cats outside when they're adjusted to the area.
>Obviously the owner didn't care enough to not let what is essentially a child out>comparing an independant predator animal to a helpless snot-monster>letting cat have freedom = not caring
cats aren't the same as dogs you know
The OP also stated she put a collar on her wich is really annoying for cats who aren't used to it. In fact, it's a safety hazard if she gets stuck somewhere. Guess the OP doesn't care about the cat at all, right?
Still, let's not forget that she stole someone else's cat without even knowing their living situation or anything about them at all.
>>412374>In my country it's perfectly normal and considered abusive to keep outdoor-cats indoors.
Lol, ok. Most people in my country believe it's okay to keep cats outside. Our professionals and experts don't, however. Unless your pet industry is lined to the brim with weird shills, who, for some reason, want cats outside, I can almost guarantee they'd agree that it's best for cats to be inside, but mentally stimulated, given affection, etc.
>>comparing an independant predator animal to a helpless snot-monster>letting cat have freedom = not caring
cats aren't the same as dogs you know
I don't like dogs, but I never compared them to dogs. However, as intelligent as cats are, indoor/outdoor cats are socialized and can easily become prey to humans. And again, as intelligent as cats are, they don't know what the fuck a car or an 18 wheeler is. They're clever animals but they're not deathproof. Just admit you're a negligent cat parent defending a negligent pet practice and go, anon.
>The OP also stated she put a collar on her wich is really annoying for cats who aren't used to it. In fact, it's a safety hazard if she gets stuck somewhere. Guess the OP doesn't care about the cat at all, right?
Most people who aren't retarded buy the VERY WIDELY AVAILABLE "safety collars" for cats. If you were a decent cat owner, you'd know that. A cat that isn't used to a collar isn't going to die from not being used to it.
>>412375>>412375>Our professionals and experts don't, however.
Again, you assume that because it's this way in the usa, it's like this for every country. Typical Amerifag thinking they're always right and their ideals are standard for everyone.
>Just admit you're a negligent cat parent defending a negligent pet practice and go, anon.>If you were a decent cat owner, you'd know that.
Go fuck yourself, I'm a great owner and I treat my cats like royalty.
Every time we keep them inside for a coming storm or something they constantly whine at the door to be let outside, they love being outside and it makes them a lot less nervous than being trapped indoors.
And why do you assume I don't know about safety collars? They're still just as annoying for your cat but I guess you only care about keeping them locked up with a pretty collar as a toy.
>>412379>they constantly whine at the door to be let outside
Man, this. It makes me wonder if the anon arguing against outdoor cats has ever actually had one or is just talking about cat safety in theory. We had every intention of keeping out cats indoors when we got them, but they are RELENTLESS in their pursuit of getting outside. They would do literally nothing but sit at the door trying to escape, they clearly love being outside as much as possible.
I'd rather my cats live a potentially shorter but happy life than a long, miserable life trapped indoors. Considering I live on a quiet suburban street and they don't leave the garden that I've noticed, I'm willing to take the risk to let them enjoy themselves.
>>412379>Again, you assume that because it's this way in the usa, it's like this for every country. Typical Amerifag thinking they're always right and their ideals are standard for everyone.
I didn't say that. I was explaining that people popularly accept that letting cats out is ok in America, but professionals don't. If you refuse to accept that there are sadistic people in the world that can harm your pet, who is unattended for numerous hours, or you can't be fucked to care about their safety enough to want to limit their exposure to potentially cruel and harmful people, there's just straight up no denying that you're a shit owner. Sorry. Not the shittiest owner, but a bad owner nevertheless. Cats going outside isn't about their ability to feed themselves, but that they're no match to all kinds of predators and disease.
>Every time we keep them inside for a coming storm or something they constantly whine at the door to be let outside, they love being outside and it makes them a lot less nervous than being trapped indoors.
Ok? And? Toddlers whine and cry if they can't lick restaurant tables. Are we going to let them do that too? You're supposed to advocate for the animal and choose for them based on the fact that you're privy to fucktons more information about the world and what can harm them. Most people don't get their cats vaccinated for FIV, and it's an uncertain vaccine anyways, so I'm really glad you're this adamant about potentially exposing cats to lifelong, incurable diseases or a cruel, cold, painful death or suffering. Feel free to dig up the information from your shelter about how it's TOTALLY obligated to keep them outside, btw.
>And why do you assume I don't know about safety collars? They're still just as annoying for your cat but I guess you only care about keeping them locked up with a pretty collar as a toy.
Because your last post was retarded as fuck and said this:>The OP also stated she put a collar on her wich is really annoying for cats who aren't used to it. In fact, it's a safety hazard if she gets stuck somewhere. Guess the OP doesn't care about the cat at all, right?
No acknowledgement of safety collars, the possibility that OP put a safety collar on the cat, etc. You just straight up said collars are safety hazards, with no recognition of safety collars, or the fact that most popular collars you can buy at the store are safety collars now, or that most responsible pet parents buy them. >>412383> It makes me wonder if the anon arguing against outdoor cats has ever actually had one or is just talking about cat safety in theory.
I have 5 currently who were all stray rescues and have had literally countless throughout my life that transitioned to indoor pretty seamlessly.
>>412385>Toddlers whine and cry if they can't lick restaurant tables.
The temporary whims of a toddler that are forgotten about in half a second are not equivalent to the literal biological imperative animals have to be in their natural environment and behave in a natural way.
If being indoors is unnatural and unpleasant for cats, but they aren't safe outdoors, how is it even ethical to have a pet cat at all? Our cats probably aren't safe, yours probably aren't happy because how the fuck would an animal be anything but miserable indoors all the time We're all stuck between a rock and a hard place here if we have pets, be more reasonable.
>>412385>or you can't be fucked to care about their safety enough to want to limit their exposure to potentially cruel and harmful people
since you like to compare cats to children.
So you would keep your child locked up indoors too? Not send it to school? You're from America so I'm sure you're aware of school shooters, best not to send your kids to school because of those potentionally cruel and harmful people.
>Not the shittiest owner, but a bad owner nevertheless.
again, fuck you
>No acknowledgement of safety collars,>not covering every single detail means you don't know about it and makes you a shitty owner
lol, whatever sweaty
>or that most responsible pet parents buy them.
you assume OP is a responsible pet parent. I wouldn't call a thief/kidnapper responsible>>412386>The temporary whims of a toddler that are forgotten about in half a second are not equivalent to the literal biological imperative animals have to be in their natural environment and behave in a natural way.
Either way, people obviously have different opinions on keeping cats inside or letting them go outside but that doesn't mean OP should steal someone else's cat just because she disagrees with their view on that matter.
In this story, OP is the cruel and harmful person people with outdoor-cats should be afraid of.
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the amount of people in this thread chalking up letting a cat run free outside where it's supposed to be as animal abuse
OP give the cat you stole back and anons let your cats outside you fucking freaks
>>412401>You can't read for shit, anon. Literally no one said not letting a cat outside is animal abuse>>412395>What you're experiencing isn't rooted in reality
see>>410651>the original owner is also an asshole for letting their cat outside>>410668>the original owner is also an asshole for letting their cat outside>>410686>Never letting my baby outside, the risk is way too high
>Domesticated animals should be kept indoors for their own benefit unless they are supervised
>If you let your cat outdoors unsupervised, you consent to it being attacked by a dog, attacked by other cats, run over by a car, taken by a psycho and killed/tortured, poisoned by neighbors>>410706>the owner of that cat was also a dick who clearly didn’t care if their cat got hurt or died
this is 1/4 of the way down the thread, the thread is riddled with posts by freaks that ironically think it's abuse to let a cat outside when it's the total opposite.
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except that every single one did…? How does it to feel so wrong and so dumb anon
If you live in a place where it would be cruel to let your cat outdoors then you're a complete shitstain for having a cat at all.
>both will drastically decrease your pets life span. you also open the door for ticks, fleas or your cat simply ingesting something poisonous
that is literally just life anon, exposing a cat to the 'threats' of reality is infinitely less cruel then confining it to a long and boring life in a domestic prison.
>>412416>If you live in a place where it would be cruel to let your cat outdoors then you're a complete shitstain for having a cat at all.
Please read about cats in rural areas getting torn to shreds by hawks.
>exposing a cat to the 'threats' of reality is infinitely less cruel then confining it to a long and boring life in a domestic prison.
Wow, you're so right. Cats bleeding out after being hit in the stomach with a crossbow, dying of rat poison in poisoned food, being killed by a psycho, being ravaged by disease, dying with its head split open or bleeding out slowly after being clipped by a sedan, etc, is all totally much better than living indoors. Do you people even own cats? My cats are happy as fuck and don't try to leave and they were outdoor cats when I got them. They will only stand under my awning, at best. Just because some people aren't dedicated to providing a healthy, exciting indoor environment for their cats doesn't mean all cats are miserable inside. More stale excuses to be lazy and negligent at your cats expense.
hilarious and ironic how melodramatic you're being in order to deflect from the fact that you don't let your cats outside which is just about the most abusive
thing you can do.
>My cats are happy as fuck and don't try to leave and they were outdoor cats when I got them. They will only stand under my awning, at best.
don't believe you for a second. If you don't ever lets your pets outdoors then they are naturally going to be timid and cautious about going outdoors.
It’s absolutely a catfag thing because no other animal owners froth at the mouth at the idea of not letting their animal roam
It’s like those weird fucking dogfags that get way too emotionally attached to their dogs balls
too fucking true in my experience as well. my brother wouldn't let my mother desex her small dog, he still pisses all over everything/anything left within his reach, to the point where the floating wood floors in her house had to be removed because of water/piss damage. house reeks, furniture ruined. all because of some imaginary masculinity the owner enforces on a helpless animal. weirdest flex ever and drives me insane.
reminds me of fathers of sons re: the circumcision thing, like "nah cut his dick, he's my boy he's gotta be like me. I'm his dad. A dad. he's my BOY". men are insane.
NTA anon but youre a fucking idiot. How is listing the things that can and often do go wrong when you let you cat outside "melodramatic", but calling someone abusive
foe not taking these tisks isn't? Every authority on domesricated cats is in agreement that cats absolutely don't need to roam outside to have a high quality of life and it is a horrible idea to let them out. Please just Google it and you will see that every fucking resource will tell you this.
This is another reason I can't stand people who let them outside, it outs you as having never looked into how to actually properly care for a cat. You're just making these decisions that can easily end with your cat dying and calling those who don't "abusive
" when this is just cat care 101. Hell, some shelters even ask you if you plan on letting a cat outside and won't let you adopt if you do. But I guess those shelters just want you to abuse your cats, right?
Explain how this statement is inaccurate? These are the risks of letting a cat outdoors and if you decide to let your cat out, you are indeed taking them. Ironic hiw you call people who keep their cats inside abusive
, but refuse to accept or acknowledge the downsides of outdoor cats.
A hawk tried to carry my dog away right in front of my eyes in my suburban backyard and my aunt who lives rurally caught a mountain lion climbing into her yard and giving her dog the "I'm about to kill you" stare. Predators WILL come into your yard. That's one of the reasons why when cats disappear they haven't ran away–if they don't come back very soon, they're not lost; they got killed.
Just saw some idiot on Youtube the other day "avenge" his outdoor cat that got killed by a coyote by going and killing the coyote, as if it wasn't his fault for having an outdoor cat in obvious coyote territory.
our local shelter has most cats listed as 'requires outdoor access'. If you don't have a garden to let the cat use they won;t let you adopt.
it's common sense either way. My cat has access to a back garden that is part of a long line of back gardens, he also likes to come to the front garden but he won't go past the gate. so although we live on a very busy road in London he's made it to 14. with a cat with a less cautious character or with a different garden setup I would think again re fences, etc. but when we had to keep him indoors cos he had a pulled muscle and the vet didn't want him climbing outside, we locked the catflap, he basically destroyed it, destroyed every barrier we put up - he was just not going to be kept indoors. for him, it would have been cruel. for other cats, they can be happy inside.
tl:dr it depends on both your cat's character and the safety of your own particular area, there is no absolute right or wrong
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It's priceless that you retards have convinced yourselves that anything other than keeping your cat cooped up is tantamount to abuse because you can what? …make a list of the possible misfortunes it could come by, which can obviously be endless.
Meanwhile, you, the actual abuser of an animal, live and eat in the same space as the box it shits in, where you allow it to walk its fecal matter up and down your kitchen counter tops and bedding while it goes insane. >>410712>So you would rather live 90 years completely miserable in prison than 50 years free?
this.>>412522>No one uses cats for pest control anymore
so disconnected from reality, but then again so is anyone who thinks it's normal to treat a cat like a goldfish.
Why don’t you guys just create spaces for your cats in your gardens so that they’re still safe. I don’t understand, are you guys taking ‘indoor’ cat literally as never ever being allowed outside? Every time I hear the term indoor cat used it has meant that they are not allowed to roam outside of the property.
As for pest control cats don’t differentiate between common vermin and endangered species.
>>412530>Meanwhile, you, the actual abuser of an animal, live and eat in the same space as the box it shits in, where you allow it to walk its fecal matter up and down your kitchen counter tops and bedding while it goes insane.
Ah, so you ignore all the reasons not to let your cat outside because you think living with a cat is gross. Cool. Thanks for confirming what several anons have said about the motivations of outdoor cat people often being incredibly selfish.>>412539
Yeah, this anon calling it abusive
not to let your cat outside is so delusional I question if she's trolling.
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>>412416>If you live in a place where it would be cruel to let your cat outdoors then you're a complete shitstain for having a cat at all.
Yes, it would've totally been better for my cat to stay in a fucking cage at the shelter. I live in a country where people literally put cats in cages when they're not at home
, you'll not make me feel guilty about not letting my cat enjoy the greatness of the concrete jungle.
Pic related, it's the kind of cage my cat was in at the shelter. No place to hide, lots of noises and smells around her. We thought she was terribly shy at first because she was just so scared. She's a cuddle ball now.
How funny I had to sign an agreement that I would let them outside.
Would you look at that, different opinions…. Give back the cat, OP you bitch!
Are you kidding? You assume my vet is lying but >>412799
isn't because it just happens to be convenient for your point of view? You just lost all credibility….
Besides most docters here aren't like corrupted American docters. When the operation on my rat failed (she was already 2.5 years wich is very old for a rat) she refused to accept my payment but yeah, she's in it for the money lol.
mate I don't put my cat in a cage, that's what she was in when I got her. My cat runs around everywhere inside our house.>>412801
I too had to sign a paper saying that I won't let my cat outside. It's a matter of opinion and life circumstances.
Can we rename this thread?
>>412831>>412831> It's a matter of opinion and life circumstances.
I do agree with this.
My cats are allowed outside because our environment is not dangerous to them (few cars, no other predators) but my friend who lives in an apartment in the city keeps his cat inside wich is logical to me.
This. My friend has a 20 year old farm cat fit as a fiddle. My other friend has a young cat that's an apartment cat in the city doesn't go out. My cat that lived until 16 was a stray that still wanted access to outdoors, as she aged she was more reluctant to go out. She got cancer tho and looking into it there were a lot of dangers lurking in the kitchen for my cat too. My mum and I also weren't educated about certain cleaning products being carcinogenic which I feel guilty about now, like my mum would clean up hair balls with detol and my cat would always inspect it afterwards etc.
OP sounds like a dick and knowingly took someones pet that was conditioned well enough for her to take on a low maintenance pet since it has a good temperament. I'm sure the cats previous owners misses it since they're actively trying to get their cat back. Yea you probably have taught them the lesson to be more careful since some cunt has stolen her pet
>>412831>It's a matter of opinion and life circumstances.
Agreed. Saying that all cats must be kept indoors is insane without understanding the conditions of where they live.
I live in the countryside and here it's normal for cats to be outdoors. There's a lot of semi feral cats that are kept on farms to hunt mice and rats. Terriers are also used for the same purpose. There's no natural predators here and very little traffic so it's safe.
It should be up to the owner to make the correct choice. While there's always going to be a few that are irresponsible, the majority of cat owners love their pets and will do what's right for them.
It is insane, you retard. Nevermind the obvious worry about disease or harm from humans or animals, but even if you have enough space, in the US, animal control kills countless outdoor cats every year. 70% of pets, once handed over to animal control, end up being euthanized, regardless of whether or not they have owners, regardless of whether or not their owners can be reached. Their microchips VERY infrequently are even scanned. People call animal control because outdoor cats are "nuisances" and your "outdoor cat" ends up in AC and they legally own your cat if it's not picked up by the end of the holding period, which is only a few days. You no longer own your cat and have no ability to save it, dumbfuck.
Serious dangers don't just go away because you want to pretend they don't exist because you're fucking lazy.
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I'm sorry you live in a feline-orwellian themed dystopia where trucks patrol the streets looking to kill cats
>>413012>People call animal control because outdoor cats are "nuisances" and your "outdoor cat" ends up in AC
Wtf is all of America like this or do you just live in a specific shithole locale
Do you people just not have catflaps at all?
I live in an expensive area. People literally are calling animal control here over cat prints left on their cabin cruisers. Most of America is like this. Idk why you guys are acting though, like cats aren't mistreated by people in other countries. Cats are seen as pests. Australia is dumping loads of poisoned sausages in an attempt to kill 2 million "feral" cats that they say are otherwise shot or poisoned by civilians that say they're pests. The problem with "outdoor" cats is that stupid people and poisoned sausage don't discriminate and any cat that is unaccounted for can end up a victim
of "pest" removal or extermination intended for "feral" cats, but I commonly see strays considered feral, which is sad, too.
>>413050>Cabin cruisers are like mini yachts for upper middle class people
whoops sorry i didnt know that lol
im glad i lived in a rural area where most people had outdoor cats when i had one. although we did kind of need them because there were so many giant rats and the cats kept their population down.
>>413038>Idk why you guys are acting though, like cats aren't mistreated by people in other countries.
Sorry you live in such a shithole country that you cant imagine it otherwise.
Nope, cats aren't mistreated here. Everyone knows most cats running around are someone's pet especially the non-shy ones. People allow their children to play with random cats on the street and explain to them why they can't just take the cat home. There are even people without cats who put food outside. Most people in my country generally love cats and it's the go-to pet for most.
Stray cats are being picked off the streets by the shelters and taken care of (vaccinated, sterilised).
Even for feral cats there's a future. People with bigger land or farms usually get some feral cats to catch mice and so that they still have a home. They never come inside or let themselves be petted but at least they have a place to eat and sleep.
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6 days arguing over a fucking cat
There was an outdoor cat that hung around my backyard for almost two years, and I knew the owner and would message her with updates if anything would happen. He was the sweetest cat but he had a sinus issue and left snot all over my patio, he would attack my elderly dog when we would take him out, and he would consistently come back with bad scratches from fights or would even be limping. Every time I would message the owner she would say "I'll look into it" or when I'd tell her about my dog getting hurt "My cat would never attack another dog, he gets along great with my dogs!!" And nothing would ever change, eventually he got skinnier and skinnier and died to feline aids.
I'm not saying that it is right to take someone's outdoor cat, but I can very much understand why OP would. Watching this poor guy waste away right in front of me and not being able to do anything about it was devastating.
That makes me so mad, it's just basic pet facts that an animal might get a long with another animal they cohabitate with, but not unfamiliar ones. The fact they won't accept that it's hurting your dog is so shitty of them. That's the other thing that's annoying about outdoor cats, it's not just about the owner and their cat, but it's often a nuisence to everyone else. I was attacked by an outdoor cat when I was little and tried to pet it. It was definitely someone's pet and not a stray because it had a collar. It didn't even try to walk away, just immediately scratched the shit out of my arm when I reached for it.
My parents have a neighbor whose cat would come into our yard all the time and fuck up their plants. The owners of the cat personally witnessed my parents' two large dogs almost kill it one day and my parents straight up told them that these dogs see a cat as no different from raccoons, skunks or any other unknown creature that wanders into the yard and they will attack. The owners basically told my parents to control their animals better.
Like no bitch, that's not how it works. They don't go after cats unless they wander onto the property, which is basically where a dog owner's responsibility ends. Now that you're aware your next door neighbor's dogs will tear your cat to shreds if it goes in their yard, it's on you if it happens.
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Am i the asshole for trying to bait my "friend" into not taking her stuff back from me?
At the beginning of the year, I thought I made a new friend. We were the same major and seemed to have a lot in common. I was pretty excited to meet her, but our friendship never panned out and she ignored my requests to hang out.
Then, in the middle of exam week, she expects that I can pick up her belongings for her and store them over the summer because my family lives near campus and she is a Chinese international student. It goes without being said that she is rich and could afford to pay for her own storage. I figure I could do her a favor and arrange for my parents to pick up for the items.
Then at the end of the summer, my parents are wondering what to do with her stuff. After repeatedly messaging her, it turns out she isn't coming back for the semester or perhaps ever, and didn't bother to let us know. I guess she was expecting for us to hold her stuff forever? However, in true Chinese international student fashion, she apologizes by giving us some luxury brand name items. I do admit, they make up for the cost of holding her items.
But idk, she is sooo annoying. She posted this on fb, and I want to tell her off how hypocritical she is for spending thousands of dollars on a brand name education and having luxury items is doing fuck all. She is the kind of person who wants to be an academic and fuck around while not accomplishing shit. She doesn't even like America or Americans so I have no idea why she is getting her education here.
Also, I hope that she gets so mad at me that she doesn't bother asking for her stuff back. Fuck that shit.
My thoughts exactly! And of course it's coming from a privileged rich person who doesn't do shit too. >>462351
Just sell her shit anon, you owe her nothing.
Here's some other dumb shit about my friend:
>Claims to be feminist and constantly complaining about sexism in class. But when a professor was put on leave because of accusations of harassing grad students she got upset. I guess you always believe the accuser unless you like the accused.>Claims to hate capitalism as a Chinese person, yet she somehow missed all of the terrible things communism did in China. She also misses the fact that almost nobody in China could afford to pay $200k for their kid's education until relatively recently. She reeks of being a champagne socialist who would never give up her cushy lifestyle. She claims to be not that rich, but after not bothering to negotiate a price on holding her shit, I doubt it.>>462355
lol you are encouraging me
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You are not the asshole, i can empathize as someone who had to live to the communist holocaust of my country, also, those people are not anti racist, they have an inverse "white mans burden" complex where they feel pocs are little snowflakes that, as dumb weaklings ,need an enlightened leftist white person to protect them from other superior but racist white men. You should see how they react when people from my country tell them communism is bullshit and that they don't know shit, they go full fledged racist in a millisecond and start spouting every stereotype and racially insensitive comment in the book to discredit us. We call it "commiesplaning"
If he is autist and communist theres also a high chance he will troon out. Any minute now.
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You're both sides of the same coin
"I'm offended by communists now I found out they did something bad to my family" kek. I can't imagine functioning on a level of "I'll only give it attention if it has oppressed me in some way historically."
Landlords are complete scum though. Honestly you both just sound like crazy SJWs bouncing off each other because there's nothing new to attack lately.
Here's some other stuff that happened on the bus:
>We talk about travelers (gypsies) with our host. Our host says that travelers tend to be pretty scummy. Autistic guy says, "As an anthropologist I can appreciate the culture of indigenous people." He is an anthro undergrad so he sounds so pompous. I think he thinks on the inside the travelers are so misunderstood, though as an autist he would probably be scammed by them.
>The bus driver has to take a break due to labor laws. Autistic guy tells the bus driver how it's so great that labor laws here are better than the US. The bus driver then replies that she thinks the laws get in the way of her work.
Honestly I think it's hard to be around autistic people. They consistently seem inconsiderate and pretentious. >>472650
This guy is obsessed with race relations and that kind of crap. I guess it's bad that I lied and kind of bullied him but I think he and his kind encourages that kind of mindset. >>472674
kek I guess I sound like an SJW but I didn't believe what I told him. I was just trying to make him feel bad.
Nayrt but landlords did something bad to everyone's family.
OP was right to shut down the political guy but most landlords are exploitative parasites.
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>Nayrt but landlords did something bad to everyone's family.
OP was right to shut down the political guy but most landlords are exploitative parasites.
>>472679>Honestly I think it's hard to be around autistic people. They consistently seem inconsiderate and pretentious.
That's what I meant about mollycoddling. It's not that they don't care. They just rarely, if ever notice. Keep hammering it into them what is or isn't polite or they'll never pick up patterns.
>"As an anthropologist I can appreciate the culture of indigenous people."
Except not the culture of indigenous Europeans to shit on travelers, lol.>>472707>>472697
Enjoy living in a world where landlords don't exist, where renting is not an option. Providing low commitment housing to often scummy people that would rip them off and destroy property in a heartbeat is a crazy risky venture. They walk as close to bankruptcy as everybody else.
landlords are 9/10 exploitative trash. I'm sure it's killing you that you want to be opressed so damn bad but it turns out a throwaway comment yu made about your parasite family puts you in the oppressor role under socialism lmaooo>>472884
imagine being this stupid you don't realize not all countries function like America. There's ways to keep landlords in check without eradicating them, slow-anon.
Someone unearthed an entire site for landlords where they'd discuss ways to exploit their tenants and suck as much profit out of them as possible. I wish I could find the posts and the screencaps of it, it was fucked.>>472680>or are you on the level of shitting on people on issues that do not affect you and don't concern you.
NTA, but >what is empathy
There's a UK TV show called 'nightmare tenants slum landlords' with lots of episodes up on youtube. Shows the two sides of the coin there
Landlords overcrowding (and overcharging for) dangerous properties with fire risks etc
Then tenants who never pay a penny of rent and essentially squat in properties for years while the landlord tries to take the legal route to evict. They often lose tens of thousands as it drags on for a couple years with them never getting the money they're owed. When they finally evict the tenants they then find the house trashed in retaliation?? In the UK at least the eviction process is stupidly drawn out
>>472899>yu made about your parasite family puts you in the oppressor role under socialism lmaooo
My family lost everything thanks to communist scum, you try having all your life's work stolen by a party thief with a badge and see how you like it, then tell me who are the real parasite.
You save your money and make your investments, rather than looking for ways to mooch and steal the work of from others who already did. The worst thing i can wish to a communist is for them to live under communism.
I typed up a whole angry post replying about MY historical trauma but then realized it was caused by socialists too lmao
also my dad was a landlord but he was really nice to who he rented to and specifically worked in low income neighborhoods fixing things up so I think he's safe from the guillotine
>>472884> Keep hammering it into them what is or isn't polite or they'll never pick up patterns.
I'm wondering why actual autistic people are this way. Why do they need to be told repeatedly what to do?
>Except not the culture of indigenous Europeans to shit on travelers, lol.
But evil white people can't be indigenous!!! lol>>472956
This guy isn't even poor. His mom is a nurse practitioner in NYC. He would be fucked in various ways if communists ever came to power. I guess autists have simplistic thinking. I've been trying to get more information if his mindset is caused by his disability but I'm not sure.>>473031>also my dad was a landlord but he was really nice to who he rented to and specifically worked in low income neighborhoods fixing things up so I think he's safe from the guillotine
lmao are you serious. There is no guillotine, and if there were to be, people don't actually give a shit about that.
The simplest explanation is that normal people have brains where there's plenty of connections between both lobes, whereas autistics have brains where there's plenty of connections within each lobe, but far fewer connecting them.
The former configuration helps people think incredibly quickly and intuitively when it comes to complex tasks like social interaction. The latter configuration means that every little detail needs to be slowly and methodically thought through in one lobe alone before results are passed along - often at a slower pace than new stimuli comes in.
Though potentially this has a lot of advantages too, as I know for example, the Israeli army will deliberately scout out high functioning autistics to be trained for top secret intelligence divisions.https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/01/israeli-army-autism/422850/
tldr; What's simple to you can be challenging to them, and what's challenging for you might be simple to them. Ultimately though, it's still on him if he doesn't so much as try to behave as a normal person.
lol left wingers hate liberals like us. But thanks for the reinforcement>>473225
I see. However, I think the idea that autists are all savants is a myth. There are a couple that are exceptionally good at coding and such. But there are also a lot that are of average or below average intelligence. A lot are drooling retards that are violent.
I really hate how a lot of autists view themselves as having superior intellect to everyone else. But these people don't have what it takes to do hard work to succeed.
>>tldr; What's simple to you can be challenging to them, and what's challenging for you might be simple to them.
I don't think this guy has any special mental capability. I guess he knows a lot of stuff, but I don't think he knows particularly more than me. I know for a fact he's not good at math. Maybe he's good at what he studies in uni but I would have to know about grades.
the autist I work with is good at knowing dinosaur and vidya facts and that's where his savantism ends kek. if you try to engage in any sort of abstract convo about those same dinosaurs for example where he'd need to make up shit on his own, he really struggles/just makes aggalmations of things kinda like chris and sonichu. he's high functioning I guess as he went to normal school and can drive, but he's very slow to do anything (almost robotic, even in his gait) and makes weird speech constructs despite being a native speaker, also has a very naive/shallow view of most things. basically, he's like a smart 12 year old but def a 12 year old you know?
another one is closer to savant bracket as he goes to uni for music (then again, so do many non autists so idk fam), but he's far more unbearable socially wrt the aforementioned aspects.
tldr, I think the whole savant thing may be real in rare cases, but generally is a massive cope parents tell themselves and their offspring.
I don't think the average autist is going around feeling like a savant. I've met a good number of them through work and they've mostly been average intelligence but low in confidence. These were also ones with harmless 'special interests' though (like trains or hoarding beanie babies) I can see how a higher confidence autist will gravitate to a special interest like politics instead, and spend his days pissing people off
As far as I can tell they simply memorise information on one subject and repeat it
>>472636>I have the strong feeling he wouldn't get a pass for his disability if he was religious or a Trump supporter
I worked with someone who was basically that. Strap yourselves in cause this gon' be a ride.
So at the gas station I worked at, a coworker I had was really loud and obnoxious. Avid Trump supporter. He would get REALLY worked up over certain things in the media, like people complaining that women's soccer players got paid less than male ones. He would list all of the reasons it was bullshit and kept ranting and would even bring it up to customers (when we were explicitly told not to talk about politics/religion to customers). He would get worked up over things like this on a regular basis and always sperg out about them. He would make me watch sh0eonhead and PJW videos too, like he would just turn on his phone and put it in front of my face, not even ask me if I wanted to watch it or anything.
He was also racist af towards black people, and would talk about false crime statistics like "black ppl commit 80% of the crime but are only 30% of the population" and had a bunch of other opinions about black people's conflict with cops that I don't even want to repeat (and I never even asked him for any of this, he would just dump it on me).
Another time he told me about how he would watch videos of people dying on r/watchpeopledie because it was "the best way to feel emotion" or something. He would also say sexual things, like he would whinge about how much he wanted an Asian gf (in his words: a hot, short, Asian weeb gf). And then he got circumcised and told me he couldn't jerk off because it made his dick bleed, and another time told me about the burning diarrhea he got from the chicken he ate. One time this customer said something about her husband, then when she was gone he said "it's hard to believe that hawkish looking creature has a husband". And he couldn't figure out why he couldn't get a gf.
He would also yell at me to do things like "CHANgE THE TRASH!!!!!" as if I was a slave (which he called me once).
And this guy wasn't even diagnosed as autistic, that I know of, but I believe he was. You're not the asshole anon, and I really hate how much society has been glorifying autism lately and encouraging us to coddle aspies as if they're special snowflakes uwu meanwhile people with other mental conditions get kicked to the curb as weirdos. There's a whole community of autists on YT who just compare themselves to Einstein, Sherlock Holmes and Sheldon Cooper (as if being like Sheldon Cooper is somehow a good thing) and one channel called "the aspie world" actually called his autism a superpower, when in reality most autists have below average IQ. YT autists also say things that relate to a lot of people but they act like it only effects autistic people, like how going out is hard for them because of dealing with lights, noise, and people. I'm not autistic, but I also hate noise, people and lights. I just don't get a free pass for it so I have to deal with it like an adult.
I've seen it mentioned (quite a few times) on here that autism is being glorified
What is this usually referring to?
I'm a non-US anon and where I live people with autism are generally looked on as maybe low IQ and eccentric but that's about it
I wouldn't use the term "glorified", but I see both autistic and non-autistic people in the west really exaggerate the positives of autism and downplay the downsides (or use the downsides to present autists as poor victims
This is done largely by moms of autistic children who are trying to feel less guilty for having autistic kids (not that they should, but they usually do), coddled autistic males who have Magneto-style delusions of being "the next step of evolution" (not joking here, I've seen autistic men unironically say this online), or undiagnosed tumblr "autists" who are roleplaying to feel special.
The media is also to blame for this, they really overplay the savant autist trope and make people think that's the standard for autists. In reality, around 10% of diagnosed autists are considered to be savants.
This ~quirky superior autist savant~ misinformation actually makes it harder for more "normal" autists, usually women, to be diagnosed.
>become known for planting and growing stuff at work
>I bought a small hydroponic set up and grew lettuce, literally nbd but people were really intrigued by it
>coworker in the same general group asked if I wanted to grow plants
>thought my entire team might be into it because a few others inquired about what we might be growing
>decided to grow a few different types of plants
>it was going really well because we would both baby the germinating seeds and check up on them
>eventually we moved everything to a pot–everyone was really happy with our progress
>but like a month in, I realized I was the only one who watered them
>whenever I was gone for (me and the other coworker taking care of the plants have a split shift where the other works the two days we have off) the plants seemed to shrivel
>damage was worse when I hadn't watered the plants within a day or so of my "weekend"
>eventually I stopped watering them altogether
>they all died/started dying
Basically, I stopped watering these plants because I noticed the other person who said she wanted to take care of the plants didn't
admittedly, I called her out on this a few times and she said "haha oh my bad" and I figured that she would start watering more
But she never did
Also, when the plants were just about fully dead, I just took them home because another coworker was upset there were gnats (they were attracted to the fertilizer rather than the dead plants, but nevertheless)
I did leave one plant there, which was the plant she was most excited about, but I still question if I made the wrong move at any point.
The worst thing in my mind is that I didn't pay her back for the soil ($5 - 10$), but I'm okay with that because I ordered the seeds and plant pots
You're not to blame here. You don't owe your relative anything. Your father is the parent
and he chose to make you exist without your consent, entirely out of his own will
. You cannot owe anything to him, and you shouldn't feel bad about not complying especially if he's a fuckup that cheats and steals.
Tbh this is why I'm always cautious whenever someone takes notice of my hobbies and 'volunteers' my talents in the workplace.
There was never any intention on behalf of your coworkers to be responsible for the plants, they just wanted the novelty of plants around the office without having to care about them or do any of the work. When you lapsed, they didn't pick up the responsibility. Then it became a nuisance to them when the plants died and lost their novelty.
At my call center job I had this dippy older coworker who knew I loved to cook and decided to keep pestering my volunteer to host a "cooking club" among others. She of course had no intention of planning, budgeting, going to pick ingredients, or teaching people how to cook. She just wanted all the fun parts like saying she was a founder of the club and mixing some ingredients together when the time came.
I turned her down, and told her that just because I cook for myself doesn't mean I'd be good at teaching it-which was a half-truth anyway.
It's a total trap to bilk you for work that they would otherwise have to pay someone else to do.
Okay so I’ve been in the same job for around 3 years, same schedule 9-5, no wiggle room. And it makes me slightly paranoid because I’ve had a stalker in the past who left me with a fat case of ptsd that I still struggle with. I worry that if someone wanted to stalk me, it’d be extremely easy. Most of the time I can shrug off the paranoia, but there’s one element of my job that heightens it. Without giving too much away, I’m required to drive a specific route to get to my job, on the way, I have to stop by and collect something for my boss, every single day. I have to get out of the car, go inside, pick up my bosses order, get back in the car, head off to work. No big deal, except for this guy who I see everyday, at first I thought he was a city worker, because he’s always out at the same time and always wearing the same thing, looks like he’s picking trash or something. But I’m pretty certain now, that he’s just some dude, not really doing anything. Last year he started waving to me, when he spotted my car, but I never wave back, or even make eye contact with this guy. This year, I’ve noticed he’s always hanging around where I have to stop before work, sometimes hes just in the parking lot waiting, and I can’t help but assume he’s waiting for me. I never, ever acknowledge this fucker, because by this point it scares me to think what’s going through his head. Well a few months ago, he was in the parking lot and I watched him approach this other girl I see every day, too, I didn’t hear what he said to her, but she said nothing and just got in her car and took off. He kind of turned and started walking over to me, so I made a beeline for the store and made a point to socialize with the employees for much longer than normal, and waited for him to leave, which he normally does once I show up. Right so that was fucking weird, the lady he spoke to, the one that pretty much bolted, didn’t show up for the next week or so, and I had to, but carried the only knife I have in my purse, this impractical fat thing that doesn’t fit in my pockets. I don’t know. The odds of him raping or murdering me are slim but I get this really fucking oily, sick feeling in my gut when I see him. Especially after today. So the next few months pass, he’s still lurking in the parking lot, acting kind of strange, one time I think he fucking was dancing? I don’t know. Another time he yelled at me from across the parking lot as I was getting in my car, said something like “I see you everyday” and started jogging toward me and I noped the fuck out, even made my male roommate drive me to work the next day so I wouldn’t have to be alone. I now carry mace with me but I’m pretty sure I’d never be able to get to it in time if this guy decided to do something to me. Anyway, today, he’s in the parking lot, in the corner, kind of, again, I don’t even look his direction and park a pretty good distance away. I go into the store, pick up the order, it takes a little longer than normal, so when I get out to the parking lot again, the guy is like right by my car, like feet away. And by this point he has to know I want nothing to do with him right? I’ve got my hands full, kind of fumbling with my stupid keys and trying to get into my car before he can say something or get like uncomfortably close to me, but as I’m getting into my car he’s like arms length away. I felt like he was going to slide into the backseat or grab my arm so I threw myself into the drivers seat in a bit of a fucking panic and locked the doors and booked it out of the parking lot. I was kind of still shaking when I got to work, so I told my boss about it. I’m sure I’ve mentioned the “creepy dude” before, but she looked at me like I was overreacting and didn’t really say much so I don’t know. Maybe I’m the asshole. I just get this weird fucking feeling off this guy and I feel like he keeps pushing his luck, trying to see how much he can get away with. For reference, I’m really small for my age, always have been, this guy could easily pick me up or knock me out or whatever. And I get this feeling, every time something like this happens that o should be very aware and careful, but maybe I’m just fucked up and he’s completely innocent, like I said, I struggle with ptsd so it’s hard to know what’s a real threat and what’s conflated in my mind. Am I the asshole?
You're constantly giving off ALL of the signals that say "don't talk to me" other than wearing a shirt and holding a giant sign that directly state it
Guys, unfortunately, don't pick up on this stuff as easily–but that's not your fault
You're not an asshole for feeling uncomfortable, common courtesy is nice, but it's not common entitlement. You don't owe him anything and I hope you stay safe just in case there is an issue, but even more so, I hope there's never an issue
I hope you're able to explain yourself in a safe way
this is true, but I still believe he was probably on the spectrum. all conversations with him were one-way conversations where he would get really worked up over a subject and talk and talk and talk about it without letting you get a word in, and even when he wasn't worked up about something you still couldn't really have a normal conversation with him. he seemed completely blind to cues too and would say sexually inappropriate things without realizing they were inappropriate which is a common symptom of aspergers.
my ex boyfriend (who knew him too) also believed him to be on the spectrum and my ex knew several other people who were actually diagnosed as being on the spectrum.
but then again, he was a man.
Thank you, I just also deep down want him to change his ways though. Highly doubtful he will, he stole money and my own medication from me too(four years ago when I lived with my grandma for a bit). I had to sleep with my medicine underneath my damn pillow(Adderall) because he stole a months worth while I was at work.
My grandma knows all of this and couldn’t understand why I flat out said no. I have my shit together and he can’t even stay clean long enough to hold a job or save money. It’s all messy and I want no part of it, but it shows a lot that she just cut me out like that.
Sorry for sperging out.
Yeh you're not being paranoid, he's trying to fuck with you, at least mentally. You need to come up with a solution to stop having to interact with him. Talk to the employees at the place, your boss, something. Btw if it came to something physical the knife isn't a good idea, that's the kind of thing that just winds up with them using it against you, you would probably be easily disarmed. Pepper spray is a better bet for self defense.
And this is easier said than done but try not to show any fear of him and be confident.
Something similar happened to me at uni. I ended up getting stalked horrifically until the professor had to step in and file a report. Dude was eventually expelled but I was told to call the police ifhe followed me to the parking lot.
Don't try to be polite, it isn't worth it. I was polite and it didn't mean a damn thing when he tarted following me after class.
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Am i a bad/toxic friend? A friend broke up with me quite recently and i kept dwelling over it…pls no bully, i just want to know what i did wrong
>she told me that i spent my money recklessly because i wasted it once where i bought a figurine that costed ~60$ for some meme
>critial of s/o art because i dont want to make the same mistake and they were quite a cow in the community
>i didnt want her help once and bother others instead
>told me i was an extremeist
>didnt pull me back because she cant seem to "fix" me
>told me i have high expectation of others and left where they dont meet it
>Originally broke up with me because i was boring, yet when i rant abt it once she lost it and then list them above.
The sad thing is i didnt even see the fault in our friendship and on her, but she saw through mine like she held on to it for so long
holy shit anon
please trust your gut instincts, there's a book called "the gift of fear" which is constantly recommended to people who are like you/have been in a similar situation. Seriously, you need to trust your instincts with this.
Yeah, I agree with this. I totally understand politics-fatigue, but I probably sound like this to my coworkers/friends just on the basis of reading keeping up with current events. For me it's just a constant low-grade anxiety of like "hey you guys are seeing this too, right? this is crazy right?
" and the more apathetic people seem the more you feel like you need to talk about it. I assume with autism this impulse is 10-fold. However this is usually only the case when I work with a lot of middle aged white ladies whose only "news" source is shock jock radio in their SUV on the way to work. When I work with people closer to my age they're usually also vibrating with anxiety, so your stress is validated and we don't need to talk about it really. I definitely sympathize with politics not needing to be a part of every single discussion though, it's a very "read the room" instinct which this dude probably doesn't have.
But in a good way, because you will keep that thing mostly inside, I hope.
It gotten to the point that I consider people with pets to be 100% subhuman. I still find them cute on videos just like any other person, but if you own a pet and bother other people with it, kys.
I have this…interesting neighbor. She walks around with pride with her dog. I see her taking out her dog where everyone's garden is, just like most of the subhumans who deserve the rope do here. Aside from the fact there's a huge neat dog park very near, she lets him shit in my garden always, even that one time when I was busy with mowing the grass.
I used to take walks, that was until I saw that same woman every time with her dog unleashed. And he barks and growls really loud at me every time and it gives me a damn headache, he also once licked my foot when it was ruptured, and bumped it with his retarded head really rough, and when I told her that she should walk him on a leash, she said that he doesn't like that and that she can't control a beast.
From that day on I am hungry when I see him. It's sad eating dogs and cats is illegal but eating useful much better animals isn't.
A gun is not legal everywhere anon.>>474317
The common sense to do is to record him 1 week straight and to give this material to the police. Don't post it online though, you want it to leave you alone. Talking with it is useless, you already made it clear and you can't punch that freak.
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You're not the asshole, but you do seem like the idiot? From what you're saying here it seems like you've had ample resources and time to deal with this problem, but instead are going "idk guys :////
" and not handling anything. As someone who's legally dealt with stalking it's a huge pet peeve of mine when people just go "omg he's like stalking me!!
". Ok? So then do something about it instead of just complaining, it's not going to go away on it's own because people are monsters.
>I now carry mace with me but I’m pretty sure I’d never be able to get to it in time
Then take it out of your purse and have it in your hand as you're walking>but carried the only knife I have in my purse, this impractical fat thing that doesn’t fit in my pockets.
Then get one that does fit in your pockets. Hardware stores usually have a great selection of pocket knives, but you can even find them just at Walmart for <$10. Both of these issues are easily fixed. What's the point of even having these things with you if you don't actually arm yourself with them ahead of time?
I'm not trying to be the asshole here, but you're clearly letting yourself be walked all over in this situation. I'm also someone who's had to get a restraining order and deals with that trauma, but I also keep a knife on my car keys and make sure I carry them in my hands when I'm walking somewhere I feel uncomfortable, even to the point where I'm carrying my keys by the knife for quick unfolding/accessibility. If you've been going to the same place every morning for 3 years, why haven't you asked the employees "Hey, what's the deal with that guy out there every morning? Do you know him?
" or had them walk you to your car? If it's a corporate office building you're going to, they have security guards, have one of them walk you to your car or alert them of the situation. It sounds like your boss is an asshole, but also if you've been doing this for 3 years and are just now half-heartedly bringing it up of course he's gonna think you're overreacting because he doesn't understand the gravity. You need to tell him the full extent of what's been happening and how unsafe you feel, be an advocate for yourself. At the very least say "Get the fuck away from my car or I will call the police
", take pictures/video of him waiting by your car and then call the police either way. When I had to get my restraining order even though I had a mountain of evidence, I could not just take that mountain of evidence and trade it in for a restraining order. I had to make at least one police report ahead of time to show that this was something I had taken action on before. If you stab the guy and just say "no but he's been like stalking me for 3 years dude trust me
" to the police without any proof or previous documentation you're gonna look like the asshole. If you get stabbed/murdered/kidnapped/whatever and the only lead they have to go off of is your room mate and your boss saying "it was this dude that was in the parking lot but uhhh I don't know his name or face that well or anything about him
", that's not super helpful either, because that dude's not gonna be in that parking lot anymore. Take pictures of him. File a police report. Leave a paper trail. Establish with your boss and the employees of this place that this is a concern. For all you know he could be harassing other employees there too. Take it to HR, record yourself making the complaint to your boss if you have to (legally, review the consent laws in your state). Stop being complaisant in your own harassment when you have the tools to fight back.
For what it's worth, when I took my mountain of evidence + my police report to the government worker lady to file it, she was super dismissive and basically said I was overreacting and said stuff like "I mean my ex-husband does that stuff all the time it's not a big deal lmao calm down
" (I had met the guy when I was a teenager but barely knew him or ever spoke to him, an acquaintance of an acquaintance. This happened when I was 20 or so and probably 100lbs and he was almost 40 and had been recently involuntarily hospitalized for schizophrenia) so unfortunately your boss isn't unusual in that regard (again, people: monsters). But when I filed my initial police report and when I pushed through and got to court both the officer and the judge were pretty immediately like "Yeah for sure 1000% this situation requires a restraining order
" (people: occasionally not monsters). I know it's easy to feel like you're overreacting, but think of it this way: I was about to move which would have likely solved my problem but it was important to me to establish a paper trail not just for myself, but for any future women this dude may harass. You're probably not the first or last person he will do this to. If the next woman complains to police and they look at his record and there's a clearly established pattern of harassment, you're helping strengthen her claim and making it that much harder for her to be dismissed as "overreacting", which could possibly save her life. Even if you get away unscathed you don't want to see his face on the news one day having murdered some girl and think "I could have done something, I should have said something
You are not the asshole. Outdoor cats are a stupid idea. When I was a kid we started feeding this cat we thought was stray/abandoned. Beautiful calico long-hair, but declawed and fixed. My mom ran the HOA so she put out a bulletin asking if anyone was missing a cat like that, and bingo, someone from the other side of the neighborhood was. They said she was an "outdoor cat" and that she had 4 or 5 others and gave them all plenty of food and took care of them- clearly not.
That Fall, we noticed she was injured from fighting, so we took care of her cuts, took her to the vet, and got her matted hair chopped off and took her inside. The owner was pissed but never did anything besides general passive aggression about it. We offered to return her if she was kept inside (this was in the dead of a midwest winter) and the neighbor said this was none of our business and all of their cats did fine. We just kept her, as we all had grown quite attached and put significant money into her vet/grooming bills. Some people will actually just adopt cats, declaw them, and let them fend for themselves outside, and not care when they don't see them for days. If they aren't taking care of it, the cat's better off in your care anyway.
Nope. What could anyone even say?
"How dare you not divulge your marital and family status!"
not a bad person but a bad friend imo
you sound self centered tbh
You are not the asshole, anon. That shit is gross. Does he know about you being a csa victim
and being groomed with lolicon?
I'm not a victim
of csa but my ex had a serious porn obsession and was into loli shit too. Whenever I told him it bothered me he would just act like I was trying to make him feel bad/kinkshaming him. I hate that men act like this.
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Good heavens, would you look at the sign!
Replying to my own post to save replying to a bunch, but I just… he's so good besides this and I KNOW it's because anime has brainwashed him. He went off on me about how it's all fictional none of it matters and then his mindset is most people who sexualize minor characters are just selfinserting aa highschoolers ans just want to be young again and shit and that's SO uncomfortable to me, and he also doesn't understand how aging up a character that's like 15 isn't creepy either.
I really really don't get it all I want is for him to not bring up cartoon child porn and understand my uncomfort. If he did everything would be okay.
Are you dating my ex? Cos that sounds exactly like him. Perfect in a bunch of ways but obsessed with nasty hentai shit including lolis, said the same things about "self inserting" etc.
Even if he stopped bringing it up, you'd still have to live with the fact that he watches it. Ask yourself if you're really okay with that.
"It's fine if he watches child porn, I just don't want him to talk about it to me">>476693>the problem is your boyfriend being desensitized and cumbrained for not realizing that flaunting your school girl porn in front of your traumatized girlfriend isn't okay.
Yeah that's the problem. Not that he watches it in the first place.
>>476705>If you're going to dig through all the stuff people do in private and only cherrypicking those who don't have sick fetishes or do anything else that's dubious (like posting on a gossip board dedicated to stalking people), you're going to be a very lonely person
posting on a gossip site is as bad as watching cartoon child porn… alright then.
and no shit, no one's perfect. but there are a lot of "sick fetishes" out there that are not nearly as bad as lolicon. yeah no one's perfect, but there are lines to be drawn. that's like saying dating someone who broke into a car once would be the same as dating someone who committed multiple murders and sexual assaults. you'd have to only ever think in extreme black and white terms to justify to yourself, and judging by your comment it looks like you might think that way.
also I don't care if lolicon is legal, that doesn't make it any better. the problem is that he is sexually turned on by imagery of CHILDREN being portrayed as sexual objects (even if they're ~technically super mature because they're actually hundreds of years old but haven't aged uwu~) and who knows, he might even want to fuck actual children but doesn't want to get arrested. lots of pedos love lolicon. if someone is okay with their s/o watching that then to each their own I guess, but ew.
she didn't describe cartoon teens though (as if that's leaps and bounds better). she said "people who sexualize minor characters". last time I checked minor could be anyone under 18. also she said she was groomed with lolicon, if what he was watching wasn't in any way lolicon then why would it upset her?
and yeah I'm sure everyone who disagrees with you is a sperg.
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AITA if I said no to my moms pancake offering?
We were at brunch together and she asked if I wanted to try her pancakes and I said no because I didnt like pancakes. She said that she felt my anwser was to harsh, she just wanted me to say "no thank you" instead of saying I didn't like pancakes. She then said she felt rejected by when when I said no and that I should say yes because its the kind thing to do. She next said I should feel comfortable around my family because their the people I'm closest to and I should feel safe sharing my emotions with them. She also went how she feels like I'm closed off from her and that Im overly aloof with my family. She finally said that people would think Im weird for saying no to food offerings.
I feel bad because I should know better at this point. My parents offer to do something for me (asking me to try their food or offering to buy something for me) and when I say no they get irritated and go on the rant my mom gave. Like my dad has been pissed of four 3+ hours because I refused to let him pay for a book. I guess I should just suck it up and accept their offers, but doing that's what got me in that problem. If I said I hated pancakes when I'm younger my mom would go on a "cooking takes lot of work and you don't appreciate that" rant so I ate them without complaining. This happened in the rest of my life so I just sucked it up and went with it. So when I tell them I don't like pancakes or other food now they get mad and think Im lying to them to make them angry, which I've dome before, but now they assume anything I do that makes them angry is on purpose.
The way they get so angry over nothing makes me feel like I'm so autist who can't get basic social clues. Am I the asshole?
Seconding this anon. If this didn’t sound like it is a common occurrence for you, you could brush it off as emotions and people being dumb, but imo they’re guilt tripping you into letting them control you and your emotional reactions. Sounds like a possible cultural issue as well but apologies if it isn’t.
I live with someone like this and they’ve done similar things to me so you’re not alone. For example:
>omg we love you, you’re my granddaughter i would jump in front of a train to protect you uwu
Asks for my opinion on something like the landscape in our garden, gets an honest answer (our garden is ugly and we have a big house that needs a better design):
>fuck you bitch!!! You don’t know what you’re talking about!!! I’m an engineer! I have 55+ years of experience and you don’t have shit! Get out of my goddamn house!!!
Nope, but your mom is though. You said you don't like pancakes, which means in the future she won't have to offer them to you again and if she does she shouldn't be disappointed when you say no again when you remind her you don't like pancakes. It's simple!
I don't like sweets, no one offers them to me anymore after I tell them I don't like sweets, so more for them! It's a win-win situation here. I don't get bothered and they can enjoy more.
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>>485440>My teacher showed us a corporate ad>It was a fucking chipotle ad.
the absolute state. Soon enough you´ll have your social score lowered for arguing with the corporate woketard posing as an educator