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i think you're a bit of an asshole but for good reason tbh, if you're bonded and its treated well then so be it
domestic cats should NOT be outdoor cats, so like…sorry lady lmao you obviously didn't care enough to worry until it was gone
not like she can prove its hers anyway
I don't see what the problem with this kind of thread is? I like it.
Just ignore it if you don't like it.
You basically stole the cat because the cat was being a slut for attention like how most cats are.
But the original owner is also an asshole for letting their cat outside, anything else could have happened to it like being eaten or hit by a car. >>410650
Not the asshole.
But really, would you rather hear if you're an asshole from idiotic, cumbrained, misogynistic scrotes on Reddit, or from (halfway) sane anons who have no interest in gaslighting and/or shilling political agendas?
As long as the gross run-off from Reddit don't make their way here, I think it's fine.
I'm sorry but OP is clearly saying that she has seen that the owner is actively looking for her cat and has flat out lied about stealing it? It's not like she took in a starving stray animal.>>410677
In most of Europe, people believe the cat's well being and happiness is most important than his owner's wishes.
How is it beneficial for a cat‘s wellbeing to be run over by a car?
I got my cat from a shelter, she was dying outside before someone found her. Never letting my baby outside, the risk is way too high.
I am searching every single combination of words I can think of to find anywhere where indoor cats are considered animal abuse or against the law and finding nothing. Provide specific countries please.
>the cat's well being and happiness is most important than his owner's wishes.
Which is why they should always be indoors. What part of "significantly shorter lifespan" is so hard to understand?
Cats enjoy the outside until some neighbor's dog or a tire is tearing them to shreds.
And if you don't want someone to accidentally steal your cat, I repeat: put a damn tag on it. It's not yours anymore the second you let it outside without a tag or microchip.
It really depends on where you live, as you said. If I lived in the countryside with little traffic or other things that could hurt my cat, she'd be an outdoor cat too.
Unfortunately I don’t live in a place like that at all, so she has to stay inside.
We’re always worried about her not tolerating a collar though, because what if she gets outside somehow one day and what OP described happens?
You people don't understand the purpose of this thread I am afraid. What's the point of ''am i an asshole?'' thread if you're just looking for people to hugbox you and polarizing opinions in your favour?
If you can't comprehend that in many countries outside the US, people live in the countryside with few cars and danger IDK what to tell you. Btw collars are a choking hazard since they can get caught in branches etc. Seems more like a comestic accessory than anything else.
>>410705>Btw in tons of places in the world letting your cat indoors is considered cruel and abusive
Using that phrasing made it sound like you were saying it was illegal and you did not clarify what you meant until now. Anyone who thinks it's abusive
to greatly lower your cat's chance of dying is either a nutjob or horribly uneducated on the subject, but shouldn't own a cat either way.
Also, your previous argument that collars are mostly cosmetic is absolutely retarded. You are participating in a conversation that centers around how black of identification can lead to people mistaking your cat for a stray. How can you be so dumb to say they're just an aesthetic thing in this context?
So you would rather live 90 years completely miserable in prison than 50 years free?>>410709
It's funny for someone how hell bent on safety you are, you would put your cat's health in jeopardy for the sake of identification. Many more ways exist like tattoos and microchips.
Stop thinking a cat living outdoors equals immediate death lol. My cat lived 6 years outdoors/indoors before becoming a complete indoors cat. Statistics are skewed since they refer to stray cats, not outdoors cats who also get fed and medically treated by human beings.
>>410712>It's funny for someone how hell bent on safety you are, you would put your cat's health in jeopardy for the sake of identification.
The health risks to a cat from being outside are incomparably greater than whatever weird complication comes from form of identification. This is one of the weakest gotchas I've ever seen.
>Statistics are skewed since they refer to stray cats, not outdoors cats who also get fed and medically treated by human beings.
I am finding nothing that says this other than your post. Sources?
>So you would rather live 90 years completely miserable in prison than 50 years free?
A more comparable number would be 20 years with the ability to go outside or 100 years indoors in a nice apartment with everything I need. And I would choose the latter.
He actually hasn't even expressed any interest in going outside.
In my experience, most people who want their cats to be outdoor cats just want to deal with less litter and general burden. I've seen people make their cats go outside and I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case with him because he doesn't seem to have a desire to at all. Anytime I leave he just sits there, doesn't try to go out the door. Even when I had it open for like 10 minutes to bring my new fridge inside.
You still stole someone’s cat. ESH but obviously you’re the bigger fucking asshole for stealing someone’s pet, most people consider them family members
Doesn’t matter what your stance on outdoor vs indoor is because it’s still not YOUR cat
I am neither middle class nor American, I’m just not a retard that lets loose animals to roam outside of my property which I have absolutely no intention of supervising
By your logic I should let my rabbits roam about the city just because they want to with complete disregard to their safety and well-being
>>410719>100 years indoors in a nice apartment with everything I need
Big derail (although I guess it's already a derail), but this sounds so nice. Living out my days at home with my family and just taking part in my hobbies and sleeping, eating, and getting snugs.
God I wish I were my cat.
This is yet another dumb comparison because a mother doing that with her kid would have CPS called on her and be charged with child neglect or some shit.
Are you afraid of this happening to you? Just microchip your fucking cat.
And the owner clearly doesn't care about the obvious consequences of being insanely irresponsible with her cat.
Also, are you missing the part about there being no definitive way to know the cat belonged to this girl in the first place? You're essentially advocating that anyone who loses their cat in easily avoidable situations are justified to punch any rando who has a cat that resembles it.
That's true of some cats, but definitely not all. There's a lot of cats that look generic AF.>>410761
To be fair, the owner could easily think the cat is hers when it isn't. I had a friend who was convinced a neighbor stole their cat (similar situation but this one had a collar) only to find its remains in the woods the next week. There's really no way of being certain.
I just want to point out in some states animal control will straight up put the animal down if there's no evidence anyone owns the animal and the shelters are overcrowded.
So yeah, don't be dumb with your animals.
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Moral of the story: microchip your cat
willing to bet like a good third of the anti-letting cats out ones. repeating talking points/phrases. >>410771
yeah, owner is at fault for not feeling ops massive psycho pet stealer vibes /s
That's so horrible anon, I'm so sorry you're in such a nightmare of a situation. You absolutely should leave and take the kids. You're not an asshole in the slightest for doing that.
Also, no father is far better than a horrible father.
I wish you the best.
Trying to escape from an abusive
household doesn't make you an asshole. I can't really give you any life advice, but I hope things work out alright for you, and that you can be free of him someday.
it's a tricky one due to children. firstly, please elaborate what you mean by him having changed a bit? is the emotional abuse in the past too then?
in my heart I want to tell you to dump him bc being a child of a family where the dad abuses the mom is worse than a poorer but healthier household imo but I'm not sure what's the best way for you to disengage from him. if he isn't abusive
rn, work on getting a job and saving up some, if he is, reach out to women's shelters or crisis centres.
don't worry abt the father figure meme, I'm sure no father figure is better than father figure that abuses them, especially if your children are boys.
No, you're not the asshole for wanting to leave someone because he raped and abused you.
Your children would be disgusted if they found this out when they're older. They will understand why you left.
However how do you intend to gain custody of the kids if he lawyers up and shows that you've never had a work history and need benefits in order to live?
If he's asshole enough to rape you, he's likely asshole enough to punish you through your kids by trying to assassinate your character and take them away. Unless you think he won't, but I've seen abusive
I live in Ireland and lived in a residential area my cat was a rescue and likes access to outdoors. It's extremely common to see rescue pages and sites stating if a cat is indoor or needs outdoor access, it's better for their enrichment to get access outside. Maybe US car states are more dangerous. Personally my cat spends some hours outside, she's street smart and engages with school children knowing the times of their commute to get pets. When I was at school she use to range down to the bus stop and walk me home. Some owners give more freedom to their cats. My cat would always come when called and certain nights of the year like bonfire nights or Halloween, fireworks she was kept in. I guess it depends on area, I'm obviously not from US but sounds like this cat was use to having outdoor access.
I'd be interested how the content the cat is now being indoors.
I honestly don’t know.. I feel so broken and defeated at this point and keep switching between despising him and being unable to imagine life without him..
He’s a student so I don’t see him being able to afford a lawyer of any sort but I’m worried my history of abuse could be used against and it would be decided that I’m unfit to be a mother
To the anon that asked before, I don’t think he’s emotionally abusive
anymore.. but I’m very much frightened. I never feel truly at ease anymore and he does have a short fuse. Every little thing he does that inconveniences my life now makes me build up resentment, even if it’s something as mild as not helping with cleaning the house and I have to do it myself while in severe pain
I regret not having left earlier because at the end of the day I think I’m only staying because of our two kids now, but whenever I even entertain the thought of leaving I feel the biggest piece of shit on earth and when he cries I instantly forgive him and regret even bringing up any relationship issues we have
I’m just at a complete loss as to what I should do and whether or not I’m scum for even feeling this way. It’s been 6 years I feel like I should get over it but I know I would never even think of suggesting such a thing to any other rape victim
I love him but I don’t know if that’s enough at this point
What’s inconsistent about it?
And I don’t see my two year old and infant being able to attest to any abuse
What have you been doing in the last few years of adulthood? Did your abusive
parents prevent you from working as an adult?
How is she stupid? Making bad decisions because of either love, or because the alternatives are scary doesn't make someone stupid.>>410940>>410782
First off, start documenting, even if that just means writing down whenever he does things that could be grounds for an unhealthy relationship. What country are you in? Support for mothers is unfortunately varied by where you live. I don't know much about in the US, but in the UK you could divorce on grounds of the past abuse, be offered social housing on the basis of being a mother on benefits and split custody so that the children still see their father.
I'm sorry but when you say "my history of abuse" do you mean you yourself have abused people or drugs, or do you mean his own past abuse?
Do your parents help with babysitting ever or a desire to look after their grandkids? Do you have an type of friends or family that would mind your kids a few hours a day while you get whatever legalities you need to gain employment in the future. Obviously child care cost and welfare of your kids is a big concern so you need to think about how you can have them minded while you look into getting part time work or taking part time classes in the meantime. I assume your fiancé will not help with minding them or spending money on childcare so you need to figure that out because I assume you'll want to start working with a roof over your head to gain independence and maybe save and then once you're out of the house you can hopefully feel comfortable seeking proper help. Hopefully you can leave him sooner if he's abusive
and have somewhere to stay
My mum helps out often as she’s the only one I even remotely trust, I don’t have any friends as I’ve been pretty socially isolated and have trouble opening up to people
I feel like asking for advice on this may have been a mistake, whenever I bring stuff like this up I doubt myself and worry that I’m lying to everyone.. god I know I’m coming off as pathetic and I’m really sorry for that, no one wants to read a sob story (especially on an imageboard)
For god's sake, get out of there. You're not the asshole, you're living with a monster, bail.
I'll post my own:
I quit my decent paying but dead-end tedious job to be my mother's secretary/assistant/manager/whatever. She's started a new business that's getting pretty successful but because she took out a loan to start it she can't afford to pay me more than the bare minimum I need for rent and groceries (the plan is that my wage will go up significantly once the loans are repaid, on steady course to be done by September).
My partner is saying that it was shitty of me to accept this low wage job because, while I can cover the basics, I have a lot less money left for nice things like eating out and we can't take the vacation to Japan together they wanted in December. Am I being an asshole to my partner by bringing in a lot less money to the household than I used to, even though it's a temporary thing?
What the fuck kind of question is that to ask someone? >>410961
But even if you have received support for mental health issues, that doesn't mean that you are marked unfit as a mother unless it's a genuine risk such as a current substance dependency or in manageable personality disorder. Even with both if those examples, something like that would only be a temporary problem until you could prove you were maintaining your mental health once in a safe environment. Additionally, if it was found that the family home was unsafe for you butsomehow still a better place for your children, you should be supported so that you can provide equal custody once you live alone, with the worst case scenario being that you might have to bear through an assessment period. However as the mother and as a domestic abuse victim
you would be in a sympathetic position, and should also be able to ask social services up front if there would be any issues with your claim for custody. At least in the uk, this would be the the case.
Sorry to press the nationality thing, but anons from your city might be able to tell you of welfare organisations that can help get you going in the right direction.
don't stop there anon! you gotta exclude the bobfocs and the ones with bad teeth/hair colours etc too
ps even if you don't say it out loud, even if you come up with an excuse they'll know. haha. "I know you're my sister but I am being blackmailed by my colleague's wife's niece so she has to be a bridesmaid instead sorry about that"