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No. 159703
ITT: we discuss what's wrong with ourselves and our lives and what horrible fucked up people we are
I'm lonely, depressed, going nowhere in life, and spend all day every day on /cgl/ and here getting nothing of real value done because I have no discipline, hate humanity, have extreme psychological issues that even my countless therapists over the years and mother are completely unaware of, and I'm very selfish and entitled. I've been wasting my life away on some Chan board or another for almost a decade, starting at 14 and now I'm in my early 20's. The only thing I've ever accomplished is getting engaged to someone so far out of my league that I don't deserve at all, but is too devoted and obsessed to leave me. I have no idea why he stays. I have done absolutely appalling things to him; cheated on him with a guy, lied about being horrifically abused (not by anyone who actually existed, and I told him the truth and he forgave me entirely for some crazy reason), regularly freak the fuck out on him for no reason, attacked him many times, and countless other terribly abusive and toxic things. Yet he stays and here we are almost two years later, working his ass off to pay for me while I sit around all day on the internet, amusing myself with lolcows to feel better about my own situation. He's the only one who knows what I'm truly like because he's experienced it and he's the one person I tell everything to. My family and friends have absolutely no idea what I'm like. One of the few things I ever truly felt remorse for was how horrid I turned out when I have such an amazing mother. I'm a great example of how nature can trump nurture, even being raised by loving parents who were strict, but very understanding with excellent morals wasn't enough to keep me from being so vile. They think my current lot in life is because I'm depressed and going through a lot of very heavy things that I don't want to go into, but that's only part of it. I don't understand why it's so hard for me to function in life outside of my apartment, and I'm starting to not even be able to even do that. I used to always have suicide as a back up plan, but I've already done enough damage to my fiance, and the only way to stop hurting him is to essentially become an entirely different person. I realized this week that I really need to do this for him, or he will just suffer and suffer until it's too much and he has a serious psychological break. But how does someone just become an entirely different being in almost every way? I keep thinking of how wonderful life could be if I got my shit together. I just want a job where I make enough to buy lots of lolita and weeaboo shit and to be worthy of my amazing fiance, instead of being an emotional vampire sucking the sanity out of him. It shouldn't be this hard to do that.
No. 159704
File: 1439966494310.jpg (127.29 KB, 639x480, life.jpg)
I'm extremely insecure, I constantly need my boyfriend to tell me that he love me and that he think i'm pretty. I try to ask him if he love me / think I'm pretty has I am jocking so he don't get to much power over me (very scared of that). If he doesn't behave has I want I will say nothing an suddendly explose for no reason, then give him the "silence treatment".
I've already hit him, throw object at him, told him I hate him, that he is ugly, that his dick is small, that he is fat and stupid. (trying really hard to change that and control my impulse)
My parent keep on paying for my studies when i already failed 3 years of college. Two time by just giving up and the last time by never going to classes becauses of my anxiety and I endend up having to do it again because I missed to much hours… I'm so grateful for that but I never tell them, I'm afraid I'm goign to fail this year again, honnestly if I fail, I will stop everything, this is getting way to expensive.
I can't commit seriously to something except if it's something dumb as fuck and easy. Like getting skinny, having nice skin, nice hair, having a good wardrobes.
My studies, my sculpting, my drawing, this is so much more important but I just cant commit to it..
Btw I'm so insecure that I break down inside everytime someone say something slighty negative in a conversation. Not necessarly about me but even just "I'm bored" can make me explose in rage, If I know the person well i will be a fucking bitch but if not I will just feel like total shit and probably cry at night thinking about it.
My parents where awesome parents and my mother raised very lovingly even tho she was strugling with a very deep depression. I'm so ashamed to be such a slob when i got very hardworking parents that I know would sacrifice everything for me.
++ I think I create (inconciously) co-dependent relationship. Because I'm either a total stranger to people, or i'm a very important part of their life, I can't handle being only one in a million other friends, make me feel like shit. I've made a lot of people fall in love with me because I need to feel loved, but I always end up running away because it's scary to have responsabilities towards the emotions of other peoples
TL;DR : i'm a shitty.
No. 159706
>>159703Please anon seek some medical attention. A lot of what you are saying is how I've felt, such as feeling like your wasting your life on chans, being a general piece of shit, being extremely irritable, etc.
Are you on any medications for mental issues? And if you are I would suggest you talk to your doctor about how its truly affecting you and consider switching meds to find what works for you. I've been on medications for just under a year and it has improved myself a lot. Not 100% but it has been a big step from where I was.
No. 159708
I can relate to both of you, since I turned 18 I've been a burden on my parents. I have about AS, ADHD, Severe Anxiety, Depression, and I have Synesthesia. I blow up at my girlfriend all the time, I don't get physical, or insult her, but she drives me insane some times and I blow up at her. I'm constantly depressed, and it only takes the smallest of things to set off my Anxiety, the ADHD doesn't show up much, and the Synesthesia, well, it means certain types of touch and certain stimuli causes me to have reactions in my other senses. I always feel like I'm being a bad Girlfriend to her, and I apologize often, I don't understand why she stays with me, after all the yelling fits and my parents wont stop aggressively pushing me to get a job.
I try working on my issues, but it seems like whenever I finish with one another one needs attention, like I work on my anger, and the depression is worse after. I used to take meds for the depression, but stopped taking them and eventually decided to no longer take them since they made me feel too…. fake happy? Like I wasn't really happy but the dial in my brain was glued at "happy".
No. 159719
File: 1440000002529.jpg (27.03 KB, 500x595, 1aeec1026a6f68e70da2852ce2677a…)
>>159703I'm lazy, self absorbed and greedy.
I treat my fiance badly, I take out my anger on him and take his unconditional love for granted.
I'm trying really hard to be a better person, and I've improved a lot, but it always feels like I still have such a long way to go. Sometimes I just want to kill myself so I can stop being such a living breathing burden.
No. 159723
>>159720My bf is really not docile. I may be an horrible person, but I stil have enough qualities to keep him.
I'm this anon btw
>>159704 No. 159725
>>159715
>abusive towards pets sometimesWhile this really, really pisses me off, because this board is about people spilling the beans, I don't want to be a dick to you. Clearly you suffer enough and I wouldn't wish it upon you, because if you received long term help you probably wouldn't be controlling or abusive, or at least improve.
I'm not gonna armchair psychologist you, but I think you would benefit from CBT or DBT.
DBT usually requires both group meetings and individual meetings, but it is far more successful than just rolling the dice and being referred to a random therapist.
You aren't scum or anything, you clearly feel guilt and understand that your actions are wrong.
Sorry if I'm giving you advice you've already taken, sometimes I get pissed when people are like "lol have u done therapy?" and I'm like, yeah, fucking 5+ different therapists got anymore bright ideas?
There can be a lot of reasons why you feel empty or bored, and sometimes mental illness precedes your negative feelings, but sometimes negative feelings and actions can perpetuate mental illness. Like the chicken or the egg analogy.
I wish you good luck anon.
————-
I'm 21 and my future is like ????. I have an intended major, I am confident I will graduate this year, but my major in particular is nothing more than complimentary to the hard work I will have to put in. My secondary education has been like basic training for a professional career, and "professional" is entirely dependent on whether or not people hire me.
So basically my entire life has been focused on graduating college, and while I want to get off this fucking ride, I am fearful for err uhhh adulthood.
It's just the not knowing. Where am I gonna live, how many jobs will I have to take on, how hard will I work, what will my folks think of me, will I fail, will I disappoint them???
Also bulimic for 4+ years and told my folks I would pay for the out of pocket expenses for treatment (around $8,000), and go into IOP after I graduate. At the same time, I have a bad feeling that I won't, and just let the ED strain our relationship even more. There's no way I could pretend I was attending.
IOP also requires that I stop being an addict. If I test positive for drugs, I'm out. Although I just smoke weed and cigarettes, I literally smoke weed every day, and can blow through about $30 a day if I want to. My savings have dwindled to nothing, and have for about four years primarily on drugs and binge food. I am embarrassed and ashamed, and I feel like if anybody found out they'd probably drop me instantly.
I've stolen food, stolen from the cafeteria after hours and out of common room fridges, dug food out of the trash in both public locations and my own home, sprayed food down with chemicals only to pick it apart and eat what wasn't contaminated, swished my hands around in more than enough puddles of vomit… I've puked in bags and trash bins, chewed and spit an entire large pizza back into the box, left friends early to sit in the bathroom and avoid fainting, sweat through a million and one blood sugar drops…
I steal weed from my own brother. I'm fucking scum in that respect. If my brother ever found out, I would never be able to look at him again, because I'm a coward.
blah blah blah, I'm hypercritical of myself and others, but steal and lie and binge and purge, spend recklessly and irresponsibly, and am single handedly destroying my future piece by piece with nobody to blame but myself. Obviously bitching about it doesn't change anything, but since we're all sharing…
No. 159727
>>5700omg and you. i feel i could have written this word for word. i got married too quickly and our parents dont know eihter, and ive been depressed since i was 13.
WTF this is freaking me out now.
No. 159728
>>159725It pisses me off too, anon.
Honestly I've only hit them one or two times but I still felt like complete garbage afterwards. It wasn't even on purpose, I just go into these blind rages where I can't think straight.
I've broken things too… smashed my laptop and cellphone, thrown furniture and dishes.
I've even thought about giving them away but the thought of them living in a shelter makes me more upset. I guess if anything I really need to change for my cats.
No. 159731
>>159729i almost checked myself in 3 weeks ago.
i feel like we are all the same person tbh
No. 159733
I have a lot of issues. That should be stated right now. I'm on the cusp of 21- whoo, drinking and strippers- and I haven't done anything with my life. I can't decide if it's out of choice or not. Let me start at the beginning.
My dad raped me, repeatedly, when I was a kid. It gave me PTSD and I started blocking most everything out of my mind. My earliest memories are from 10 years old, when he left. I skipped school a lot as a tween/teen until I got panic attacks of going. I ended up having to be home-schooled. (As such I only had a few friends who I stayed in contact with.) I was diagnosed bi-polar at 15, put on a medicine that made me gain about 50 pounds in a year- 50lbs that I've never lost- and since then I've been bouncing back and forth through different medicines trying to find what will work for me.
I ended up getting into college. Whoo hoo. I thought it was going to be awesome. I'd always wanted to go to college when I was a kid- turns out I had a sleeping disorder that made me sleep 12-16 hours a day where I missed the majority of my classes. I came home two months later. I had just found out that my father had been raping me as a child, so I called him to get closure. Instead he began crying and I got annoyed and hung up.
My doctor then diagnosed me as BPD after reading some piece of work that I work. I ended up swallowing an entire bottle of pills. Obviously, I am alive- only stayed in the ER for 2 days, just for them to make sure I was conscious.
I've had jobs throughout my life but I get bored very easily, so I often quit without notice. Once I decide I'm done with something I just don't want to do it any longer, so I don't. That causes a lot of problems I think.
I've alienated myself from my friends. Haven't talked to them in a long time. Haven't seen them in longer. I don't mind much.
I still live with my mom- she just wants me to feel human again- I don't know what I want.
My memory is so foggy- unless it's a key memory, I probably don't remember it. And sometimes I remember things differently than the way they happened. It hurts not to be able to trust your own mind.
So. Here I am, still overweight- going literally crazy with lack of memories. All I want to do is go outside my house. But I don't. And I don't know why. And I hate it. And I don't know what to do. And I wish it would all just stop. Or be different. But it isn't.
No. 159736
>>159735I know. I really don't know why I focus on that more than more important psychological issues. I guess, like- when I was twelve- I just wanted to be thin. I began puberty at 13- I started medicines at 15. I just wanted some sort of control over my life. I think that in some way I believe that if I gain control over how I look and present myself and how much I weigh, then I'll have more control over who I am and how my life is going. It's a childish notion- but it's a key one.
The fact that I have no control over what's inside my head or if I remember what I did last night or if something is true or not really gets to me. The fact that I lacked the ability to say something about being molested at such a young age- or even remember being molested, so I could talk to someone about it- angers me. Not being able to leave my house to go enjoy things angers me. Not being able to control how long I sleep, because I can't wake up to a damn alarm (even the bed vibrating ones or the ones that sound as loud as fucking air horns) and I sleep until my body aches and the dreams fade away.
I guess I just want to be in control of something for once in my goddamn life. But I'm not. I'm not in control of anything and I hate it.
I can't change anything- not my past or my diagnosis or my memories or any of that bullshit. The only thing I can change and control is my weight- and for some reason I'm still fucking that up.
No. 159739
>>159738I feel like I was pretty obvious in my initial post.
Nobody knows how I really earn my money.
if my parents knew, they would be horrified. if my potential beaus knew, they would probably call me a gold-digging whore or a junkie or something. At the very least, any guy worth dating would strongly discourage these activities. And without them, I couldn't afford to get by. It's a Catch-22 kind of situation.
No. 159747
>>159745As one of the batshit people- I completely agree. Better to get some anon advice about what to do before your life becomes all Breaking Bad and you end up like Jesse Pinkman.
>>159737Honestly though? It seems like you want to get the fuck out of this shit, which is a wonderful start. So what exactly is holding you back from stopping to sell cocaine? Is it because you can use some of what you sell? Because if that's the case then seriously consider rehab. Milk the sugar daddy for what he's worth and get yourself help.
No. 159749
>>159740my sd invited another girl (an ex-stripper who sugars regularly to afford to keep her kid as a single mom) to meet up with us for a threesome.
she brought coke and wine.
we all talked for about two-to-three hours and I didn't have to fuck either of them. apparently once my sugar daddy has his soda for the day, he can't get it up.
that was the first time. the next, it was from a guy that I was dating at the time. he became my middleman when eventually the SD started asking me if I had any 'connections'
>>159741I've been trying to put away anything extra…I'm not really sure how much I should be trying to save. Right now I have about $1200 in the bank after a year of doing this, but I'm scared to break it off. I can only imagine how quickly that money would disappear if anything went wrong.
Regardless, thank you for the encouragement. I know you're right; I've just been avoiding facing what has to be done for too long.
>>159742Haha…actually, lately I've been thinking it would be easiest to just go to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Believe me, I'm well aware. I ought to be more paranoid, in fact, but my sole excuse is the fact that I'm only selling to one person. I buy from a middleman (stereotypical upper-class party-crazy fuckboy type) and act as a go-between for him and the SD…tbh I've met the actual 'dealer' before and can only say that I'm glad I've never had to interact with him since. He was a real creep.
The one thing that might come back to bite me is how high-profile my client is. He's one of the ~pillars~ of my city's ~community~, so if he OD's then it's going to cause a ruckus that the police would definitely be interested in investigating.
>>159744Just to get it off my chest, I guess. Anonymity is a blessing sometimes.
From what admin-sama has mentioned, lolcow is hosted in an area that the local police wouldn't be capable of forcibly demanding information from, anyways.
TBH I feel that sharing this information with friends IRL would only heighten the risk of getting caught. Not that there's anyone I'm 'close' enough to these days, I guess.
>>159747It's partially because it brings in more money. Usually whenever the SD buys he gives me a couple hundred extra to split with/bribe the middleman, but I sometimes keep it instead so I can squirrel it away. It's partially because, whenever we do coke together, I don't have to fuck the SD that day–he just wants to talk about himself and get his ego stroked. It's partially because coke makes me feel differently about myself; more confident, happier, less anxious. I usually do a bump or two before I go out–if I go out–but most days I don't even leave my apartment. I just browse lolcow and /cgl/ all day long, and watch shows on Netflix.
I don't think that I'm addicted to it yet. I can go days, weeks, without using it or even thinking about it. But when I do, it makes coping with my life a lot easier. Easier to ignore, at least.
I don't want to go to rehab because that would mean admitting what I've been doing to others. I hate the thought of disappointing everyone. I used to have high hopes for what life would turn out like. idk anymore.
No. 159750
I can empathize with what you all are going through. Grew up with a narcissistic mother, and on the road to becoming one myself. However, I am seeing a lot of self-pitying rants and victimization on this thread. I have a long way to go in becoming a decent, healthy, functional human being, and that is because from time to time, I've managed to cut out the self pitying rants and the "poor me," mentality. Those will always be there; it's just like learning something new and unpleasant, you just have to suck it up and do it. I see a lot of weakness and reluctance in this thread in regards to actually enacting change, instead of whining about it. What you're doing here, admitting the kind of person you are on this thread, is not strength, but just a means to validate your own sense of self. You are not actually doing anything to better your situation, or even the situation of those you have hurt, or make amends. This is all just an unhealthy, unproductive, giant pity party.
No. 159751
>>159750ANON
YOU ARE ME
I had an abusive childhood, narci. parents, abusive boyfriend etc
I also have a few severe health conditions but the only thing that has made me move forward is to stop the
omg POOR MEEE or WHYY mee crap. It was hard but once I got over this mentality I grew up and started to make something of myself
No. 159752
>>159749wtf you only have 1200 after sucking old man dick for a year? i have way more working a shitty job while studying
fucking christ you are a wreck with no work ethic. Stop doing everything the easy and lazy way or you are fucking screwed
No. 159753
>>159750yep, and?
you could also say that group therapy is the same schtick.
everyone pours out their fucking hearts because admitting your issues is 'the first step towards change'.
if you don't like seeing it, you can hide the thread.
No. 159754
>>159752I would have more, but I moved into a new place earlier this year and have been paying rent on my own for the past six months. My roommate owes me a couple grand at this point that I'm probably never going to see.
I spent four years working a shitty job while studying, as well. Don't think I haven't tried your way. I hope you're going into business or computer engineering or something, though– the degree I earned left me with a mountain of debt and a limited market for job opportunities.
No. 159755
>>159754why doesn't your daddy pay for your rent? is he cheap?
what did you study? and i'm going into medicine
No. 159756
>>159755he's the only reason why I've
been able to afford rent.
the SD is married.
his wife keeps tabs on their expenses; the last SB he had, she nearly divorced him over. He can write a couple hundred off every week for 'business expenses', like lunches and shit, though.
she's apparently a total cunt, but he wants to stay together for the sake of their kid. It seems like he really loves their son.
I studied art, but my sister's going into medicine like you. She tells me it's really stressful–she's constantly studying. She tried to work like I did, actually had a pretty good gig leading rafting tours, but it took too much of a toll on her grades, and her school is very competitive. It was either accept the debt, pawn it off onto our parents, or quit. She's finally in her last year, though. Anon, you've got the right idea. Medicine will always be a job in demand.
TBH I've been thinking about trying to go back to school for something more practical, too. A lot of my cousins ended up as nurses, and they seem to live pretty cushily and already married off.
No. 159758
>>5910man, they're so fascinated by the idea of ladies on the internet that it's kind of funny.
this is like /cgl/ 2.0
No. 159759
>>5913Imagine a life where you have never been great at anything, never felt the urge to be great at anything, never felt that magnetic admiration to someone who was great at something, wanted to imitate and ultimately defeat him. Just nothing. Literally all you do in life is exist. Occupy space. pass the time. You're a chick.
You're bored,tweeting about your fucking hair and not even feeling any kind of happiness from it, just soothing your constant need to be bitter and cunty and petty toward other women. Every single thing you've done in the past year was mundane, shallow, and boring. You spent the last six hours reading kinda-interesting Reddit stories about people who made interesting Halloween hats for their kids or some stupid bullshit that you think is interesting and you may say is interesting but you're not really sure if it's really interesting. You're just fucking sitting there, gestating, fermenting, with a moist hole between your legs that guarantees you'll at least never have to get up and move around and work to support yourself.
And then you see men, over in some corner, having fun. You've never seen this before. What are they even doing? Instead of their consciousnesses merely sitting in their thick skull and revolving around itself, they are imbuing their conscious energy and intentionality into external objects, crafts, goals, projects. All the bitterness and cuntiness you feel nonstop seems to be absent, as they congratulate each other for being victorious, and happily learn from someone who defeated them. These creatures are truly content to be alive. They have found purpose in a purposeless universe.
And your gaze turns back on itself, on your self, and you realise you've never had that. You can never have it. You're just a stupid cunt.
So you get up, you walk over there, and you fucking ruin everything. Just ruin the whole fucking thing. The five seconds of attention you get will be worth destroying it. Because you're a woman.
(>>>/b/) No. 159761
>>159759Not entirely certain what you're getting at here.
>female>no twitter>no reddit>enjoys competitive activities (I'm motivated by seeing people who are better than me out there)>honestly prefers the company of other women to men 'imbuing their conscious energy and intentionality into external objects, crafts, goals, projects' because guys mostly are just interested in penetrating the 'moist hole between your legs that guarantees you'll at least never have to get up and move around and work to support yourself.'>supporting myself while single anyways>implying that women are constant, irredeemable attention whores when most girls ITT are complaining about being NEETs.and finally
>implying women need attention so badly that they'll 'ruin your fun' when /r9k/ is the one trying to invade our boardok.
nice blog though. I like dem paragraphs. go on, do another.
No. 159762
>>159750>You are not actually doing anything to better your situationNo, I suppose I'm not. Sitting at my house alone while telling anons my story because I want to know why I don't feel or if they have any opinions on how I can get back to some sort of normal is the best I can do right now, though. Do you know what it's like to have panic attacks badly enough that you can't leave your house because you're on the floor hyperventilating? Or perhaps you know what it's like to know that your father has raped you- and when you call him because you wanted closure, all he could do is cry. Maybe you know what it's like to never be able to trust your own memories- having to ask yourself, "did I really go out _____?" or "did ____ happen?" and when you mention it to someone else, someone who knows literally every aspect of your life they look at you like you need some sort of psychiatric evaluation and they're scared for you but you have key memories- memories you remember so well that they're ingrained into you like a tattoo.
Yes. It is
unhealthy for me to talk to strangers about the shit I deal with on a day to day basis. No, they don't fucking understand it- nor do I expect them to. But I don't do it for understanding or bettering of myself. I do it for perspective. The perspective I can't get from anyone else. I can't very well go up to a stranger and tell him my story and say, "Well. What do you make of all this?". It's easier to get human perspective when it's anon. And if I get questions or comments- well all the fucking better because then it makes me question myself in a completely different way than I would have originally.
So, don't you
dare come in here and accuse someone of validating their own self without knowing their own motives. It just makes you seem like an ass who wants to point out every little flaw in these type of threads. Unless you know what every person who posted, posted for- then don't fucking speak like such a cunt.
No. 159766
>>159763I thought that to be honest. But when you think about how many guys do it to girls.
Hey–just tryin' to keep it equal like the crazy neo-feminists want. But yeah cheating is shitty.
No. 159768
>>159766>>159765>>159763you cunts want a prize for pointing out the obvious? nobody here is fucking proud
also when did equality =/= being crazy?
i'm pretty sure the things posted above qualify for that. not feminism.
No. 159770
File: 1440121895798.jpg (140.7 KB, 502x576, 1437609449225.jpg)
I'm a 7 years hikki/NEET, I'm 20yo and I dropped out from middle school 7 years ago. The Internet ruined my life as consequence of having an incredible broken family and wanting some escapism. All I do all day is shitpost, watch anime and sometimes program and learn Japanese.
I hate everyone and everything, I don't even have a chance of getting laid because I'm a homo and dating girls is suffering. I waste my parents' money on figmas and Chinese clothes and I don't give a fuck, I feel entitled to their care because they brought me to a life I never asked for. I have been on the loony bin for attacking my mother and went rampage with a katana when the police came. I took meds and I'm no longer that crazy, but now I'm just incredibly depressed because I didn't take the drugs for depression out of paranoia.
/r9k/ can't even understand my feels, they are too normie so I go to Wizardchan instead and pretend I'm a male. I'm beyond salvation, I'm a genetic and biological failure. Literally the only reason I keep on living is yuri.
No. 159771
File: 1440124415411.png (29.09 KB, 218x196, 1439791615604.png)
>>5910>mfw they quoted my postA-am I internet famous yet..?
No. 159772
File: 1440124544097.jpg (448.97 KB, 768x1024, 1408307127509.jpg)
>>159770>with a katanaHuh
Regardless, I'll be your friend if you want one, anon. I was a hikki for a year/half a year right out of middle school, too. I cried a lot because the thought that I had no future was really heavy, and my only escape was shitposting and weeb shit too. I couldn't watch high school/SoL anime because it was too
triggering.
Skype?
No. 159773
File: 1440125452739.png (156.47 KB, 600x600, 1439923413010.png)
>>159770I think your post broke my heart anon cause you're the real version of Tomoko
If you be my friend we can talk about our feels
No. 159774
File: 1440125492408.png (246.16 KB, 613x677, 1440001696632.png)
>>159772I was otherwise, I would watch SoL most of the time because the settings were idealized concepts of what school life is, which I of course liked because real life school used to suck so much. It wasn't until I was 16 or 17 when it hit me that I absolutely had no future but I didn't want to think about it and just let the time pass instead.
>Skype?No, sorry, I don't use those things. I'm far too deep into the paranoid rabbit hole so I don't have any kind of social media or use non-free (as in freedom) software. I don't have child porn or do illegal things but modifying my computer and Internet habits to make me more anonymous is like a hobby of mine, it keeps my mind entertained. I will be honest, I don't talk to anyone except my mother, I have exchanged e-mails with people before and it never goes anywhere because I'm really asocial. I get bored when I have to chat with people, and I would stop talking to you after a day or so, so I prefer to not exchange e-mails anymore.
No. 159775
>>159773I wish I was like Tomoko, she's just a social retard and supposed to be ugly, but she has hope and a future as a functional member of society. I mean, at least she will finish high school I suppose, and that's more than I will ever accomplish, even if she goes NEET afterwards.
As I said in my previous post, I don't have the commitment to make online friends, I get bored and stop talking to them suddenly. I know that's rude. I'm sorry, and it's not like I don't want to befriend you, guys, but I don't really know how to explain it, it's like I'm too lazy to maintain an online friendship and even reply to a mail. Just sorry.
No. 159777
File: 1440126889589.jpg (239.02 KB, 639x590, 1401323253515.jpg)
>>159774For me it was "Look, even these anime characters go to school and survive. You're so pathetic you can't even do what a fictional character does. Look how happy they are, meanwhile you sit at home, an ugly, dirty NEET". What did you think of Welcome to the NHK, if you watched it? I read the book first and enjoyed it on this weird 3deep5u level, so the anime just felt one-dimensional to me.
>I get bored when I have to chat with people, and I would stop talking to you after a day or so, so I prefer to not exchange e-mails anymore.I get you, anon. I'm the same way, honestly. At least it's easy talking to people on chan boards, I guess
No. 159778
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>>159774hey anon I don't wanna lose my train of thought, but maybe a nickname for you would be appropriate like "TomokoLite" so if I'm in a thread and wanna start talking to you, I can just scream "hey TomokoLite where are you!!". Not to make you a center of attention or anything, I am just playing around a little.
No. 159779
>>159776There are many things.
Firstly, a VPN is just partially anonymous as most of them are centralized and will give the government your logs if requested, even if they say they don't store them. You can't trust VPN companies, VPNs are only good for bypassing country-based IP censorship. If you want something close to being truly anonymous in terms of location, use Tor, even if people like to meme that it's compromised by NSA-controlled exit nodes. Most exit nodes aren't, and shit is encrypted end to end so it's technically safe, but don't enable Flash or automatic script execution because there are security vulnerabilities in these third party software that can give away your real IP. Also, don't download shit you don't trust from there, it can have malware embedded within, and be careful of getting disconnected from the network when navigating. The most secure way of using Tor is using it in a OS that is configured to connect to the Internet using Tor (i.e. Tails).
Secondly, try that every page you connect to uses SSL. It isn't flawless but it encrypts your data and makes it harder for eavesdroppers to obtain it raw because they would need to decrypt it. Although this does not makes you absolutely secure, you can have attackers inside a network falsify SSL certificates and "midmanning" you, so be careful to what public networks you connect to and who you give your own Internet connection to.
This reminds me of router protection. Use WPA2 encryption and disable WPS, also keep your router's firmware up to date. Many people don't think that their router can get malware but it can, and having outdated firmware could lead to exploits that were already patched too.
Host your own e-mail server. Encrypt every e-mail you send, OpenPGP is usually recommended.
Don't own a smartphone, dumbphones are way secure in every way specially if they can't connect to the Internet and don't have GPS software in them.
Don't use social media, lie about yourself unless you want pity from your blog like I did here.
Use free software 100% of the time, it won't come with surprise backdoors because people actually review the code and developers of free software do care about security.
Ultimately, don't use the Internet and go live in the mountains. I probably forgot many things but you get the general idea. The Internet tracks the "fingerprint" your computer and browser characteristics give away. Try to use plugins that change it to a more generic fingerprint. The way you type and express yourself can also create a profile of you, so be careful.
No. 159780
>>159777>At least it's easy talking to people on chan boards, I guessYeah, I really can't talk to people any other way.
>>159778Well, I guess that's alright, if you want.
No. 159782
>>159779>Use free software 100% of the time, it won't come with surprise backdoors because people actually review the code and developers of free software do care about security.Backdoors, no, but it's not necessarily any more secure than proprietary software.
>Try to use plugins that change it to a more generic fingerprint. The way you type and express yourself can also create a profile of you, so be careful.That's pretty much a neverending uphill battle. Plugins won't help you there. You need to use a dedicated VM and dedicated browser to try and be as generic as possible on top of being separate from your "personal" usage.
>Although this does not makes you absolutely secure, you can have attackers inside a network falsify SSL certificates and "midmanning" you, so be careful to what public networks you connect to and who you give your own Internet connection to.Man-in-the-middle and SSL strip attacks are not possible if you're using an up-to-date browser and the service you're connecting to has CA-signed certificates.
Other than that your advice is pretty good. I'd personally recommend using NoScript on Firefox (or ScriptNo on Chrome), or at the very least using a Flash blocking extension.
You also have to consider your threat model. If one is paranoid about intelligence agencies and governments possibly seeing anything they do, then they're going to live in fear and paranoia their whole lives. If you just want to avoid criminals and stalkers and don't care much about national governments, not all those precautions are necessary.
No. 159783
>>159774>>159772hey guys, i'm out of high school. way out. i still watch slice of life because high school was so awful for me especially my last year.
it sounds pathetic and fucked up but it makes me feel like i'm reliving a nicer version of that for 30 minutes.
No. 159784
File: 1440129073344.jpg (1.16 MB, 1800x3649, qs.jpg)
>>159782>admin-sama cares about privacy<3
aren't VMs a possible privacy issue?
No. 159785
>>159781I personally use "https everywhere", "NoScript" and "Disconnect". Might also be good "Self destructing cookies" but I have them deleted until I close my browser for practical reasons.
>>159782>but it's not necessarily any more secure than proprietary softwareYes and no. It is more secure than propietary software because you can review the source code and modify it to fix some security issues theb patch it. At the same time you could say it is no more secure than propietary software because it still can be exploited just like any other software, but at least you will not encounter hidden backdoors and "malicious" features there on purpose.
>You need to use a dedicated VM and dedicated browser to try and be as generic as possible on top of being separate from your "personal" usage.Yes, I agree that having a generic fingerprint is difficult and sometimes impractical to obtain, but plugins and modifying some options in your browser's config can help you a bit.
>Man-in-the-middle and SSL strip attacks are not possible if you're using an up-to-date browser and the service you're connecting to has CA-signed certificatesI'm paranoid enough to not risk it and be careful about these tactics anyway.
I think it's important to be warry of both. Recently I was thinking of broadcasting noise in my room just to prevent the feds from hearing to my CPU's noises, which can give away every fucking shit you do. But as I said this is like a hobby and I have fun being this paranoid.
No. 159789
>>159785>Yes and no. It is more secure than propietary software because you can review the source code and modify it to fix some security issues theb patch it. "Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow" often doesn't hold up in the real world. I work with open source software quite a lot (including this board software, which I've modified a fair bit), and I know firsthand that serious bugs and vulnerabilities can sit for years right in front of everyone's noses. Whether software is open or closed source tells little about its actual security. You need to look at the developer(s) themselves to determine that. Open source software is much less likely to have an intentional backdoor or flaw, but when it comes to unintentional vulnerabilities, you do not necessarily have a better situation.
>Yes, I agree that having a generic fingerprint is difficult and sometimes impractical to obtain, but plugins and modifying some options in your browser's config can help you a bit.I'd say it's pretty useless to do that, unless you're also using NoScript in global blacklist mode on almost every site you visit in conjunction. And NoScript itself prevents the majority of those fingerprinting techniques from working; they typically rely on Javascript and Flash.
I think better advice is "just use NoScript", and not to mess with anything else. HTTPS Everywhere is very good too.
>I'm paranoid enough to not risk it and be careful about these tactics anyway.It's good to avoid untrusted wireless networks because odds are a lot of services you use (whether you know you use them are not) are plaintext, but barring a serious 0-day, you can't just randomly strip SSL. Otherwise it'd be useless.
Also I should've added something to this statement:
>are not possible if you're using an up-to-date browser and the service you're connecting to has CA-signed certificates+
"The service is using best practices for SSL/TLS."
For example, forced HTTPS redirects + HSTS. Which lolcow.farm uses. SSL may not be interceptable, but if a service (like a website) is not implementing it properly, it could be easy to trick clients into not actually using SSL ("SSL strip").
>>159784Why would VMs be a privacy issue? They could be in the sense that things you do from that same VM are easier to tie together, but if you're trying to separate traffic patterns and ease of identification between your main machine and the VM, it will only help.
No. 159790
>>159789I think free software is inherently more secure than closed source software solely for the fact that you can actually see what it will do in your computer. In everything else, free software and closed proprietary software are the same. Free software just has this extra security point I mentioned, in my opinion. And yes I know how some developers don't do shit most of the time, ignore feedback, bug reports and no one actually bothers to release patches but as you said that comes to knowing the developers personally.
>I think better advice is "just use NoScript", and not to mess with anything elseAside from NoScript I do like to configure my browser's settings to give less data, although might be placebo most of the time but there are situations in which it works.
Agreed in everything else.
No. 159792
File: 1440140407861.jpg (17.38 KB, 467x349, 1385704833983.jpg)
Please be careful of sharing contact info here. Robots are planning to raid this thread pretending to be females. Don't give out contact info that could make your real identity easy to find, and try to at least somewhat confirm that who you're talking to is female and not a robot looking to dox/troll you.
No. 159795
>>6133See, you know like those neo-feminists who go on about rights and equality? Then bitch about guys doing this to women? Yeah well this proves that women are just as bad tbh. Just better and act more innocent when covering it up ~cos wimmin r speshul~
are they fuck
bitches scamming each other on depop
ps dont use friends and family guys
No. 159796
>>159765MTE
I was diagnosed with bpd and npd about a year ago and am now doing outpatient MBT and it has helped me so much.
I can't believe what an absolute trainwreck I was for the longest time and no one did nothing. They just let me go on with my behaviour.
I'm still an abusive cunt I guess but at least I'm not a walking time bomb of rage anymore.
No. 159797
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Who /vaginismus/ there?
No. 159798
Visiting here, I feel like this site in general is in need of a more positive outlook on life. More positive towards other people, more positive towards yourselves, seeing the good and the strengths as well as the weaknesses, etc.
Note that this doesn't mean a facade of positivity and a self-centered attitude that will always be at odds with reality, like what tumblr pushes. Rather, you should give practical thought towards your goals and strive to reach them, and believe that you can get there. You should also seek to lift others up with you, rather than bringing them down.
Of course, this is probably as lost on this community as every community that serves a similar purpose.
(use /b/ instead) No. 159804
>>159801I agree, often guys have higher sex drives and want sex more often, or at least that's the way it's been for me. It's best to give it to the guy when YOU feel like it, not whenever he wants it in my opinion. Then he goes nuts on your butt and you can have great sex.
I have/had a friend who had lame sex and I pried a bit. Turned out she was having sex with him whenever he wanted to, and it was really sad, she would just take it and not enjoy it, and it affected his enjoyment too obviously so everything was ugghhhh. I told her to ease up a bit and to give him less sex but better quality sex (to actually move her butt and put some effort into it) and voila it fixed it
ok maybe I'm flattering myself too much, maybe their sex life getting better was due to something else but I think it's important to have sex mostly when you REALLY want to, not lie around faking gasms like a ho
No. 159805
>>159802that's so gross
how big was it, like measure it in hand lengths
No. 159806
>>159805Please don't make me relive it.
I've…. done things. Things nobody should ever have to do.
No. 159807
>>159804>like a hoHaha, well said. Also you have that general trend that sex is something girls give (in) to guys, and not really enjoy it themselves. That's why you have that underlying belief that guys should "trade" niceness, gifts, dates for sex, etc.
>>159802At least that made him laugh, that could have turned out worse.
No. 159808
>>159802I only shit once a week (in be4 fibre it's all I eat and i know the reason and diet isn't it) and shit 1.5ft hard shits followed by diahierra that fills all the water and never plugged a toilet. but I heard in some countries toilets aren't as good.
If this were my only problem I'd be laughing.
Also fart constantly and they fucking stink. Bf is mad all the time about it.
I used to bleed when pooping but don't anymore which is funny because my bf can't put his penis in my butt. Could be because he doesn't really want to and thinks it's gross (my idea) but he always puts on a convincing act whenever he tries, kek.
No. 159809
>>159802>>159808Had the same problem than you.
Bleed when poop; Enormous poop only once or twice a week.
Gone vegetarian and now I poop nice cute poop everydays, no blood, no more cystit, less pimples around my mouth (coralated with bad digestion).
Pooping super rarely is a bad bad sign.
Try to eat a lot of fibers girls and cut on the read meat + dairy.
No. 159811
>>159809I did turn vegetarian a month ago and have noticed that my poops have becoming nice ghost poops (the good kind where you don't even need to really wipe at all after).
I only poop like 2-3 times a week too but I always put this down to anorexia in my teens that has still got my bowels metabolic rate fucked up since you just like, barely shit when you're anorexic.
Hopefully the vegetarian diet will fix this over time. I feel better now, thanks for sharing your poop x
No. 159815
I've grown up in a poor household alone with my mother my whole life. My parents divorced when I was two and I know next to nothing about my father, no pictures, memories, nothing. My mother has always had anger issues and general mental problems that she's taken out on me. By the time I started kindergarten I was timid and afraid of other people. I was bullied and mocked for most of school for being poor and my lack of social skills. This started a cycle of hating my life at school and wanting to come home and then coming home and hating my life more and hiding in my room. My mother got me a cheap laptop to let the internet raise me instead, and I've been on it almost constantly ever since.
When I was around 13 my lack of nourishment was becoming a serious problem and I was becoming anorexic. The doctor recommended I also start seeing a therapist for my depression and anxiety, and I've been seeing one ever since, almost a decade ago. Aside from the internet he was my only source of confidentiality, as I never made any friends at school. I somehow graduated and eventually tried going to university, twice. Both times I attempted I found myself completely unable to concentrate or focus on work, my attention span was completely shot. After dropping out twice, my relationship with my mother, already tainted by her lifelong hatred of me, seriously deteriorated.
Last year I met my now ex-boyfriend at my therapist's office. He was the first and only friend I've ever had. We met by chance in the lobby and after he coaxed a conversation out of me he asked for my number and we continued to talk and eventually started dating. For the first time in my life I felt like life was worth living, he made me feel like a human being and like I had a future. In-person friendship and happiness was so foreign to me I felt butterflies in my stomach for days at a time. I moved in with him in February of this year and thought my life was finally on the upswing.
In early May he beat and raped me. I contacted the authorities and had to move back in with my mother. She gave me an ultimatum: get a job by the end of June or get kicked out. I somehow got a job at Target with zero job history and I've been there since. I am trying to save as much money as I can right now to try to move out and start my life, maybe try to go to community college. Right now I feel like the only thing I can do at this point is leave this house, it's trapped me here for 22 years and has done nothing good for me.
No. 159817
>>159815>We met by chance in the lobby and after he coaxed a conversation out of me he asked for my number and we continued to talk and eventually started dating. Dawww. Jelly as fuck because men literally ignore me at all times. If it weren't for the internet I would definitely still be a virgin.
>In early May he beat and raped me.Literally wat
No. 159821
I constantly think about getting into a relationship, because I like the idea of 'falling in love' and stuff like that, but every time it comes really close, I just freak out.
I daydream about cutesy relationships, like the ones my friends are in, and how happy and great everything is even after the honeymoon phase is over. I really want something like that. EYK is basically my marriage goals. But when I realistically think about if I was in a relationship, I get so scared because I feel like once someone is dating me, I'm not worth it anymore. It's like when you really want some material item, finally get it, then get bored with it and move on after a while. I feel like I'm so unlovable past the honeymoon phase.
I feel like if I ever got into a relationship, I'd just be walking on eggshells all the time. I can't be myself, I have to be the person they fell in love with who's really cute and really perfect. I feel so fucked up about it and I never want to let anyone into my head because I think they're just going to see how much of a handful I am and that I'm not worth it. I've resolved to just never get into a relationship but I just want one so baaaaaaaaaad.
No. 159823
>>159822Really lame shit like how I'm worthless/not as pretty as other girls/boring/not good enough. Stereotypical shit that just really gets to me. I think the worst bit of it is that it's really all in my head, but it just takes a huge mental toll on me and I just want to cooonstantly be reassured that I'm just as pretty/still loved/etc. I can't feel like I'm good and pretty and worth it when I'm in a relationship. Hell, I don't even want to introduce my current crush to my friend circle because I'm scared he'll fall for my friends.
During my last (first/only) relationship, I fell into this weird thing where I would tell myself that everything was fine and that she still loved me in the mornings, but then at night I would beat myself up and tell myself how I wasn't worth it/I was the worst girlfriend/etc.
I also just really freak out at the thought of my relationship ending. When my ex and I finally broke up (it was just this mutual thing we calmly decided on), I just fucking went nuts for some reason and got super depressed and really suicidal. I'm really scared of that happening again, even though I think I'm a lot better now :(
No. 159825
>>6766wat did i just read
please seek therapy
No. 159827
>>159825Yeah.. That's about what I thought. Even here, I'm a fucking freak.
I've tried to seek therapy. But there's no one who will take me.
Goodbye, lolcow. I'll miss you. I'll miss my cat. I'll miss my parents. I'll miss everyone I love. Thanks. And sorry.
No. 159830
>>159770>>159774I am about to turn 27. Continue down the road you're on for a few more years and you'll be me. You don't want to have that happen.
>>159824>>159825>>159827Ummm, what? wish I could see the initial post now. Anon, pls…
No. 159831
>>159830Yeah, I wanna know what it said too.
Also, don't kill yourself Anon, you're one of us.
No. 159832
>>159821Yooo, girl, are you me? I'm in a relationship with a boy I'm disgustingly in love with, and this is exactly how I feel.
I know from a more realistic standpoint, I could probably show more of myself and be accepted in the same way that I accept him, but the voice in my head won't let me. I'm just too scared to become a mental burden on somebody else.
I'm struggling with depression and I'm keeping it a secret because I don't want him to have to worry about me. Maybe it's kinda selfish but
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
No. 159835
>>159826One day your life will hopefully be it's own romcom with its own happy ending.
>>159832I wish you the best of luck anon!!
I feel like if I don't know what they're constantly thinking about (in terms of me being annoying/not being annoying) I'll never be satisfied lol. A friend of mine is constantly pampered by her boyfriend and once she even flipped out on him (because he got her food she didn't want to eat) and he was totally okay with it (visibly annoyed… but still tried to remedy the situation…) Their relationship is actually suuuuuuper toxic and unhealthy, but I envy my friend because she does whatever the fuck she wants (tantrums, sleeping over in his dorm room like every night, bothering him when he wants to do schoolwork, getting him to agree to do what SHE wants, etc) and never has to fear her boyfriend ever wanting to leave her. WHY CAN'T I HAVE THIS SORT OF THOUGHT PROCESS?
No. 159836
I'm incredibly depressed at the moment and I have no friends to talk about it so might as well vent here.
I had an average childhood but my parents were in shitty terms and my sibling had more acute issues they busied themselves with. Nobody really paid attention to me, everything I remember from my childhood was being alone and entertaining myself with escapism. I didn't have friends because I was too tomboyish for the girls who thought I was a freak and the boys didn't want to be with a girl. This kinda applies to this day as well. I spent my days in a fantasy world I had created until internet surfaced and I finally made actual friends online.
I was bullied in school a lot. It got worse in middle school, I regularly got beat up, even in front of teachers and they always turned their heads away. Every teacher knew I was bullied every day but they chose to ignore it, so I started skipping school a lot to spend more time online. The teachers knew it, but never gave me trouble for it. I got really depressed and started having panic attacks, I got physically sick from the stress school caused me and cut myself a lot. I hid the cuts and if anyone accidentally saw them, I lied about them. One time under a lot of pressure and severe depression I grabbed a knife and almost stabbed my sibling for giving me shit, but managed to stop my hand just in time. I sincerely thank whatever higher force made me do it because we got a lot closer later. My only friends in school backstabbed me every given chance, but I still hung around them because I had nobody else.
I switched schools and my life got a lot better and I got friends, but my psyche was still damaged. I smoked, drank, continued to skip school and stayed up all nights online. My panic attacks continued and I lost a lot of weight due to being unable to eat and having zero appetite. I was denied therapy and put on medication, but discontinued it due to the side effects. I was depressed and anxious.
I'm now well over 20 and my life got better after graduating and going to uni which made me a functional, reliable person, but now after graduating uni I'm in that dark place again. I have no friends, I'm too afraid of making new ones because I'm just afraid of them realizing what a shitty person I am. I don't have a boyfriend and due to shitty abusive relationships of the past I'm afraid of men. I had a mental breakdown recently that had me severe ties to everyone by being a complete asshole. I haven't cleaned my apartment in months. I can't get up in the mornings. I don't eat anything other than light snacks. I want to cut all the time but hiding the scars is way too much trouble. I stay up late rolling in my bed and being disgusted by life. I spend my days aimlessly browsing the internet and getting more depressed. I hate my face and body. I'm addicted to escapism again and being torn away from it causes me severe anxiety so I constantly leave things undone or to the last minute. I can't focus on even the simplest tasks. Even doing the dishes wears me out. Even lying on the bed disgusts me. I just want to stay on my computer and stimulate my brain with distractions to avoid being stuck with my depressing thoughts.
Even typing this shit has made me feel guilty for complaining about my problems. I want to delete this later but I really need to get this out of my system because I just want to cry but I haven't been able to do that in months. Depression isn't just being sad and crying, for me it's more like being emotionally dead and oversensitive at the same time.
No. 159840
File: 1440633195586.gif (3.92 MB, 284x160, icecreambooooy.gif)
I'll start out with my sad love life. In college I was a serial dater. As soon as I started dating anyone for like more than two months I would go into this weird panic mode or just lose interest for any series of reasons. My longest relationship was like almost 4 months and that was someone I was dating online (the only person I dated online). I don't know whether its me or the people I'm dating, but almost all the times I told the person I wanted to stop seeing them. The one person I did really like and wanted to stay with ended up leaving me in the middle of a bad neighborhoods subway station at six in the morning and told me he was coming back (he never did). I'm just waiting for a qt who matches my personality.
I'm pretty autistic when talking to people. Because of my horrible anxiety and panic attacks in highschool I feel like my social skills got really fucked up. I stutter a lot when talking to people, skip words, switch words etc. I'm decent at talking to the few friends I have, but strangers I'm hopeless.
Which leads me to my job, after getting my shitty associates degree I went back home to live with my mom in the middle of nowhere and got a shitty job at a supermarket. It gives me a lot of anxiety feeling like I'm walking on eggshells and I feel like I'm gonna fuck up at any point. And I feel like all the higher up moniter girls are judging me and I don't ever see myself talking to any of them. My only happiness working there is the qt I have a crush on but I don't even know his name because I can't get close enough to look at his nametag and all the stalking on facebook didn't result either.
And lastly my health is pretty shit. I have ulcerative colitis and its pretty gross and its limited a lot of things I can eat. So I'm mostly eating rice, cheese and of recent pancakes for most of my meals. My memory is also going bad so I started writing a journal in case I ever just forget everything, but maybe its better that I do. I've also been binging on romance anime and bad 80s romance films for some form of escapism but it kind of just makes me sadder.
I could go on but I need to go catch up youtube videos. ;_;
Also things could be worse so I don't hate life as much anymore, and I'm trying to stay positive. I'm a lot less depressed when I was in college.
No. 159841
>>159836I'm in a very similar situation to the one you're in currently. I don't really know what to say to you anon, I just sincerely hope you find something that helps.
And don't feel guilty about complaining about your problems. I find talking about shit helps a fair bit.
No. 159845
does anyone here have a NORMAL life?
>>159703or more likely you'll probably do nothing and he'll break up with you/get a divorce. i have no idea what's made a guy put up with that shit for so long but your situation is a ticking time bomb.
>>159704wtf that sounds so abusive. if you were a guy and said that about your gf, then you would be chased out of here. obviously the physical damage is not as bad but it's still unexcusable
No. 159847
File: 1440681801729.jpg (70.97 KB, 400x300, sigh.jpg)
>>159845What whith thoses people who come in a thread named "let's discuss about our worst behavior" and act super surprised about the shitty behavior hat people confess?
Do you have zero interraction with the world? That's the only way for you to not be a shitty person at all. Because most human being fuck up during their lifetime if they interact with other persons…
Also
>does anyone here have a NORMAL life?Hate it when people talk about "the norm"
No. 159848
>>159846The wanderlust in the girls I know typically involve dropping everything they have and going solo
I never want to get married and start settling down only to have my wife have second doubts, grab what assets she can and take the first plane out of town
No. 159849
>>159847it says "ITT: we discuss what's wrong with ourselves and our lives and what horrible fucked up people we are". maybe not everyone is fucked up, but don't people have some regular problems that aren't so melodramatic?
if you're going to argue that everyone is a shitty person, then yeah i'm one too. what a great argument.
and there are some things that are normal and then there's not. averages and statistics are a thing. don't know why that makes you so upset. really, i think there are people dramatizing/misrepresenting their life to give it some meaning or something. it's definitely not normal to be an abusive partner for one thing.
and really, my life isn't the hottest either. i failed college last semester after being away for a year and now i have to go to community college which sucks. i barely have any friends, and i wasted away my summer instead of doing something fun. i dated someone out of my league and it sucked for both of us because i acted shitty a lot. i wish i could drop everything and crash in his dorm room a couple of thousand miles away like i did last year. especially because living at home sucks. oh well, i guess ill try to find a job and hang out more with the people i do know at school now that i have nothing better to do. oh well, not the best, but not the worst either.
>>159848what kind of people do you know? you must be friends with a very specialized sort of people. and clearly most people don't do that.
No. 159856
>>159802I only poop 1-2 times a week and am known to pass out on the toilet because my shits are as big as a foot-long subway sandwich. My butt is indestructible. I can do anal, though, and require no prep. Just cram it in dry cuz I am used to accomodating much larger objects. My husband is truly fascinated by how large my dumps are because my butt hole is so small.
I've blocked many toilets, too… one of my friends had a carpeted bathroom (who the fuck does this?) and I managed to overflow the toilet cuz they didn't have a plunger on hand. I never went back to her house.
I've been doing this since I was like 6 (though my craps were smaller or I would have died). I've come to accept it as part of who I am, and I know my husband doesn't really care, but… why…
Why does one of my well-known traits have to be "girl who takes colossal shits".
No. 159862
>>159853I have one friend. I haven't had any other friends in almost 10 years, and, at this point, I don't really even have any other "acquaintances," because I'm a pathetic shut-in on disability who's too scared to even talk to anyone online unless it's on anon (and not one-on-one - I can't even do anonymous "private message"-type talk, it makes me too anxious).
>>159856>>159857>>159858>>159859Not gonna lie, I love these poop stories. I have some GI problems, and I used to joke (to my one friend) that I pooped dark matter. For years, my turds were like fist-sized, almost black (not "tarry" or bloody or whatever) rocks - round, not tubular - that would tear up my ass on the way out and then thunk into the toilet like they were dense as fuck. If I lay down on my back and sucked in my stomach, you could actually see and feel these big, hard lumps from where pieces of "dark matter" were sitting in my intestines. Also, despite following all of the anti-constipation recommendations, I usually only went once a week or so, sometimes once every two. That was pretty uncomfortable, and I felt nauseated almost all the time. I can't imagine going without pooping for 24 days.
I ended up getting a surgery and going on some medications for my GI issues, and, after that, my poops totally changed. I now have to go like twice a day or more and the shit is soft, light, and slides out like it's lubricated. It's glorious. I never thought I'd be so happy about pooping, but it used to be so awful and now it's so easy…
No. 159863
>>159862>For years, my turds were like fist-sized, almost black (not "tarry" or bloody or whatever) rocks - round, not tubular - that would tear up my ass on the way out and then thunk into the toilet like they were dense as fuck.Yes, this is exactly what mine are like too! Not black but hard as hell and round enough that they rip my ass. Never had them be that visible though, that sounds insane. Usually after about 4-5 days without going I stopped feeling comfortable, after about a week was when I felt full and uncomfortable most of the time, the very rare times I reached 12+ days I started feeling sick.
I've considered surgery in the past then I remember even the doctors don't know what's wrong with me. I've taken tons of fiber, eaten lots of vegetables, almost exclusively switched to water for a while in a life, and it made little difference. Hell, too much fiber made me feel sick just a day or two after pooping. I've just gotten used to it at this point, that 24-day shit was like the top of the mountain for me; everything is going to hurt less and be easier to pass afterwards. The first couple days after going still feel like heaven.