File: 1692078257143.gif (1.94 MB, 500x256, D21492CC-F7A4-4260-822A-541373…)
Unsure if you're actually straight? Actually gay? Anything in between? Ask for advice here.
Also welcome are "late bloomers" who realized their true selves long after their teen years who'd like to share their experience and tell others what signs to look out for.
Please be kind to questioning anons, no matter how "obvious" it might seem to you what they are.
>>344794>I'm too much of a chicken to bring it up with a doctor, my doctor is male and admitting to his face that I feel no sexual attraction feels really humiliating.
first get a female doctor, it's normal to feel uncomfortable with a man.
>Worst part is I kind of don't even believe in asexuality, I don't think it's "natural" and I think it's likely related to my autism even though I'm about as high functioning as an autist can be. What if I just have fucked up hormones or something and don't know it?
I do believe it's probably related to being autistic, a lot of autistic people seem to have atypical relationship to sexuality. but if you want to get hormones tested and this causes you great distress, talk with a female doctor.
File: 1692175565020.gif (287.71 KB, 200x200, F1F2132F-A04A-4B19-8C5E-9055D1…)
Since middleschool I've had few ‘crushes’ on boys (nervousness, butterflies in stomach, giddiness) but I've always been sexually attracted to women’s bodies. What could that mean?
>>344826>most asexual people experience no distress or sadness due to their asexuality, and a good portion of them do not get this “awkwardness” or uncomfortable around sex; just indifference and lack of attraction, a more “neutral” feeling than aversion.
Where did you get this info from? I would describe it as more of an indifference than uncomfort. It's the fact that I know I "should" be into it that makes it feel awkward. That I'm expect to feel something but I don't know how, even if I actually like the person. It didn't even use to bother me until recent years when I realized I want a family with someone rather than to live all my life alone. >it sounds like to me its more related to fear or aversion to physical intimacy, which is super common.
I WISH that was it, but it's 100% not. I'm not a virgin, I have no trauma or some weird restrictive upbringing. I want to want intimacy but I'm just never ever in the mood for it. I've gone literal years without even masturbating as an adult because I just didn't ever feel like it.
Well I've done more thinking about this and I have a theory. Maybe my fixation on pussy is self-referential. As in, I know what would feel good if it was done on me, so that's why I get turned on imagining doing it because I'm just imagining what it would feel like? (Not that i want to fuck myself because ew). I think this might be the answer because I realized when i fantasize about eating pussy my brain always mirrors the sensation onto myself.
Does this seem plausible? Can any lez/bi anons confirm that this sounds different than how their desire operates?
The difference between you and I wanting to eat pussy is that I genuinely desire women and all that comes with them - their physique in its entirety as well as their personhood - meanwhile you're 'attracted' to a disembodied, two-dimensional mental image. You even elaborate by saying that your theory is that your pussy fixation is self-referential, and that you don't care about other aspects of a woman, so I don't know what else there is to say; it's clear it's just a fantasy you developed, potentially with influence from our F/F bisexuality-fetishizing porn-obsessed culture. Which leads me into why it's common among hetero women: porn-brained men think two women fucking is hot and the internet is obsessed with trying to convince everyone that they're heckin' queer/bisexual and that being straight is boring/vanilla, so imagine what constant exposure to this does to someone. I've had a homophobic Christian "marriage is between man and woman only" woman brag to me about how she slept with another woman for a man's pleasure… not that that's entirely comparable, but my point is that it's not impossible for hetero women to be okay with doing sexual stuff with women. Plus, with the state of men nowadays, I think it's easy to understand why women would mentally start grasping for straws in terms of subconscious attraction to the idea of being bisexual or attracted to pussy. Sorry to ramble, just listing off some potential reasons why this attraction may have developed in you and why it develops in other het women.>do you have any advice for stopping the fantasies?
Unfortunately not, but I wouldn't think hard on it. Many people have fantasies that they love thinking about while masturbating or sometimes while having sex, that they wouldn't want to step-by-step actually play out. Our brains are weird like that. I wouldn't put much stock into it or stress about it, anon.
I mean, I’m not denying my attraction is not the same as yours or saying that your examples of women showing off for men don’t happen, but I just want to say for me it’s definitely not due to thinking about men getting off to me eating pussy, that’s creepy and a complete turn off. That’s actually part of my problem, ever since I developed this fixation on pussy, I stopped being interested in men sexually.>I wouldn't put much stock into it or stress about it
Yeah but like I said my old fantasies have gone away in favor of this current thing so I kind of have to stress about it because right now I’m stuck with a sexuality (I know it’s not a sexuality I’m just trying to describe the feeling) that I can’t apply to real life.
It’s like my experience doesn’t fit any typical explanation or label which is why i called it brain damage. It’s just really isolating having something like this develop and disrupt your life and no one can explain why, or even what it is.
How about you imagine a moid doing those things to your pussy instead? Or a
pussy, if it's too difficult at first?
I thought about your suggestion (thank you) and I’m not sure what to make of what I realized. For some reason it kind of disgusts me to imagine a moid eating me out, even though I used to fantasize about it in the past. But imagining a man doing that (or having sex with) a woman who is not me is okay, although the problem is I still wind up mostly focusing on the woman and how she feels, and if I think too deeply trying to picture a real guy, it turns me off. Which kind of brings me back to square one with getting caught up in the weird reflexive/mirroring thing instead of focusing on the man.
I used to have a handful of male actors and characters I’d fantasize about being with, and I’ve tried to go back to that, but it doesn’t turn me on at all anymore. Writing this out makes me realize this sounds like some sort of trauma response, but I’ve never had anything traumatic happen to me, especially not sexually. I was googling last night about if there were any observed cases of a person switching sexualities after brain injury, and I didn’t really find anything kek, and plus I didn’t hit my head so I guess that’s a stupid theory too.
If this fixation on pussy was the only aspect, and it wasn’t paired with a sudden revulsion towards men, I feel like this would be easier to brush off because I could just focus on the men I like and ignore this weirdness. But I don’t have that to fall back on because my attraction to them has mysteriously disappeared without explanation and was completely replaced with this fixation.
I guess the only thing I haven’t admitted yet is that this all happened after I developed a big crush on an androgynous woman, not a TIF but did dress like a man and flatten her chest. I guess what I liked about her was her “masculine” features that were more soft and elegant than an actual man’s but just as handsome. I did also have a crush on an actual (not on hormones) TIF back in early high school… but I just wrote that off as confusion and forgot about it and tbh I was too young for me to really properly evaluate what I was feeling. That got me thinking though that maybe I just have a thing for TIFs? But then again I really don’t like the ones on hormones because of the voice change. And if this was a thing for me why didn’t it pop up until now in my life? So all in all idk and it just makes it more confusing which is why I avoided even bring this part up in my first posts…
File: 1693295188689.png (241.58 KB, 400x400, tumblr_p4cf2aHdjo1ugs0mgo5_400…)
>sexually attracted to women since puberty
>get physiologically turned on by women
>sexual fantasies involve women
>enjoy beauty of women
>but can't envision myself having a relationship with one or actually living out those fantasies; it just doesn't feel right?
>never had a crush on any specific girls, although I've had few female friendships
>always feel weird and autistic talking to girls
>not turned on by men at all
>don't find men good-looking, at best they're stylistically interesting
>find male bodies repulsive I hate penises
>magnetic desire to have relationships with men however?
>can only envision myself dating a man
>have had many male crushes, but paradoxically without really finding them attractive? Just like "I really want to be close to this person and get to know him"
I have had a boyfriend for a long time, whom I really cared for. He started as my best friend and I still sort of viewed him that way the whole time: as my closest friend. I don't get turned on by him, but he's the only guy whose body I don't feel disgusted by, so I like examining him like a retard scientist studying some creature (he thinks it's a weirdo thing to do but lets me). A lot of people have said he's not good looking but I don't really care. I've hated every sexual activity we've done and wasn't aroused for a bit of it. I would fantasize about him sometimes but was really in it more for the emotional intimacy and would think of women again if I wanted actual arousal.
(He knows all that, btw, says he's fine with it. Recently I've wanted to break up with him for irrelevant reasons)
He and my friends who are familiar with me all call me a lesbian but I feel like it'd be stupid for me to say that since I have no desire to pursue women. I just have thoughts and sensations about women, I look like a normal straight girl to any onlooker. I feel kind of awful about my situation since I feel like I will never be normal with either a man or a woman. My ideal is maybe marrying a guy and never/rarely having sex. What do you make of this? Am I just stupid
apologies for ESL
if you may be a lesbian, it seems it's creepy he's still willing to be with you but maybe i'm being harsh. you might simply have such internalized homophobia you can't recognize it. lots of lesbians used to identify as asexual or use the split attraction model to deny their sexuality, you may be in a similar boat of being that repressed. or you have a very low libido. >I look like a normal straight girl to any onlooker.
plenty of femme lesbians or more feminine lesbians are in this same boat, if you're not a butch or dress in a specific style that sounds expected.
File: 1693315851942.jpeg (485.13 KB, 1556x1556, 9107DE5F-C3A6-4D4B-AE39-327D80…)
Every time I’m with this guy he asks me if I’m gay or bi? It’s weird cuz like i feel like I’m in love with him but on the other hand I don’t really get off to him when he is physically around I feel like my pussy dries up. But as soon as he leaves I’m wet and horny af! Idk if it’s nerves or what! It’s not just him it happened with every guy I’ve been intimate with. This current guy is literally my type to a T but I realize I like the feel of my own soft hands cuz when he touches me I just feel dry callous man hands and it turns me off. His hands aren’t even dry they just feel dry compared to my own.
I’ve always thought about being with a woman but I just don’t think I’m worthy to ever date one and I don’t want to waste someone’s time and be that straight girl plahing with a lesbians heart. So I just stick to dudes but idk it’s like I like the idea of men and having sex with them but not the reality
It doesn't matter what you think of when you're jerking off, you're a bihet and bound to end up with a man you feel no desire towards. Be honest to the women you're so AttRaCtEd to, don't waste their time. Because you'll eventually dump them for an obese Nigel anyway.
I'm straight and honestly you whores annoy me so much. Oh women are so beautiful and sexy but I could never see them as romantic interests and people with emotions, only fuckdolls to use and discard. I get goldstar only lesbians now, gosh you people are fucking annoying(bait)
I guess that's possible, a lot of it isn't really not wanting to be with a woman as much as not knowing what that would look like for me. I'm not repulsed by the idea. >>346774
I don't call myself lesbian or lead women on, precisely because I feel like some online poser. My thoughts are secret except to certain friends and I don't exactly agree with their takes. >>346788
I used to claim bisexual but I felt awkward about it due to fears that I'm being disingenuous about it. I don't really call myself anything right now and I never agree with my friends weird attempts to label me.
I don't regularly have sexual contact, we've only had sex maybe 3 times. People say it "gets better" but it gets worse. Tbh there are reasons I feel like I can't leave the relationship easily (don't want to say due to private info being linked to it) and i got complacent. Part of why I'm trying harder to leave now is because I wouldn't be able to stand having sex again.>>346791
I don't seek out men to date, this is the only guy I've ever been with and it just sort of happened because we already spent time playing video games and watching movies and such together. I knew him since I was a kid. >>346798
I probably will leave in the next few days. Just need to sort out some complications.
I'm still thinking about this and I feel like maybe it's just that female genitals and butt
are just prettier and cuter than dick and balls. Or like, more elegant. Lately my attraction to men is coming back a bit but I just can't get into dick and balls like I used to for some reason. I can't shake the feeling that they look kind of hilarious and stupid hanging off of them like that. Female genitals look so much more well-designed and compact compared to male ones. Do any other straight women feel the same?
You might be a lesbian. The fear and avoidance can sometimes be mistaken for reasonable fear of males as a het/bi woman (especially with your history of being victimized) but if you have no drive to actually be intimate that's still a huge flag. Compulsive thoughts about rape are also a flag imo, you're aware of what men want to do to you and you're internalizing it. That intimacy with males only comes up as violation is very poignant.
Wanting to be with men but not being able to go for it is one thing, but not feeling that drive is an indicator. Sexual attraction is magnetic, you really feel it in your bones. You do seem inexperienced just based off you not knowing if you like men at all vs you knowing you like women. If you consummated with a woman and still had doubts then I'd say you're probably traumatized and bi but you sound like you're a virgin to me. Don't label yet, get some experience as it comes naturally and then you'll be sure. If you start dating men then it's going to muddy the waters because they are masters of coercion either by direct means or by baiting sympathy out of you. You may get roped into acts you don't actually want but won't be able to contextualize as violation because you may be coerced into consent. Start out with women you feel a genuine attraction to and take it slow. Just be honest and don't attach a label just yet imo. Best of luck.
File: 1695601884808.jpg (84.16 KB, 736x980, b48885a895a968317fed06e2943360…)
Recently, I have been experiencing and orgasming from sexual fantasies about other women. For a long time in my life, I believed and thought myself to be a heterosexual woman. However, recently, I sat in my room and focused on imagining myself having sex with a woman to answer my own question about my sexual orientation. Expecting myself to be grossed out like I was years before, I just wasn't. I enjoyed all of the features to such thoughts with other women. The kissing, the cuddling, the groping, the cunnilingus, fingering, etc. At first, I believed this reaction to the fantasy to be due to my relaxed emotions at the moment. But the fantasy kept going back into my mind, making me sexually aroused everytime I closed my eyes and thought about having passionate sex with a woman. Putting my fantasies to the test and see if they had any weight to my arousal, I decided to masturbate to these fantasies…but contrary to my expectations, I never failed to orgasm. I attempted to cope by telling myself that my reaction to these fantasies meant nothing, and that I must still be heterosexual. But I couldn't help but ponder how valid my heterosexuality must be, if I'm aroused to the concept of having sex with women. I tried telling myself that this attraction to women could be from loneliness, or desperation. However, I have never felt lonely, or desperate for a lover go be in my life. Not even with men, who I believed I was solely attracted to.
I want to say that I would be comfortable with the idea that I may not be heterosexual after all, but I have fear about the real memories I have with experiencing homosexual activities. As a child, I have been taken advantage by all of my best friends, which were all female. Though these relationships didn't all happen in the same time frame, they all introduced me to kissing, licking, and dry humping. They even pressured me into taking off my clothes around them. However, although I look back at these memories with disgust, how I felt in the moment of these events had been enjoyment. Now, I fear that my newfound attraction to having sex with women is actually a subconscious coping mechanism to move past what happened to me as a child. I'm afraid of allowing myself to keep enjoying such thoughts about other women, afraid of letting my mind normalize the disgusting things that happened to me in those fragile years of my life.
I believed that I understood myself quite well. But it seems that everytime I get closer to understanding myself, the less I really know the person I am. It feels pathetic to be an adult and still not know such basic things about yourself. I don't trust my mother enough to tell her about these thoughts, and I have no friends to vent to. In my life, I'm all I have about this new issue with myself. It shouldn't be this hard for me to move past this problem, but the attraction to women won't seem to go away. I don't understand what's happening.
Ayrt, the way you described it as>You might be trying to cuddle the wrong sex
has me rolling because it makes it sound like I’m a confused male zoo animal trying to hump another male kek
But I’m not convinced there is a “wrong sex” when it comes to cuddling? I’ve always wanted to cuddle with other females much more than males. Maybe it’s some sort of weird maternal thing, since little kids typically like cuddling with their mom more than their dad and I think that’s natural (?) so… I’d almost posit that females are just objectively more cuddleable. (Generally softer and cleaner and more into cuddling themselves, while men tend to complain about their gfs wanting to cuddle with them etc). And I don’t think thinking that makes me gay. But the world says it does make me “not straight”. I just don’t get it.
>>350089>straight girls are just repelled by anything more intimate than a hug when it comes to other women
Really??????? But then you say you and your friends would spoon, how does that work, unless you guys aren’t straight…? And yeah spooning is definitely more intimate than I have ever been with friends. I’m just confused because I get conflicting messages like “oh yeah I basically make out with my friends all the time that’s normal” (which I’ve never experienced) but then also “uh no that’s not something straight friends do.” As for me personally I have mostly an urge to nuzzle with my head and kiss someone on their temples or something. Sounds weird to type out but yeah. I wouldn’t do it with les/bi women though out of principle because I feel like it would send the wrong message which is unfair of me to do.
I guess this whole line of thought is kind of stupid though because I don’t even have any irl friends and haven’t in years and probably won’t have any for the foreseeable future at this point so what do my desires for cuddling even matter when it’s not like it’ll ever happen. Maybe I’m just lonely and it’s manifesting weirdly.
thank you anon for such a thoughtful reply, i took some time to mull it over and i think you're right. all through my life i had very intense female friendships and fantasized about having a female partner when i was older. notably i had none of those thoughts about men and instead felt repulsed by the idea that i might have to marry one. i think that's a strong sign, as you said.
you're also right that i'm inexperienced, i'm in college but i've never dated anyone or had my first kiss yet. i worry sometimes about that inexperience, especially when i see my friends hooking up with people and dating but i figure i'll wait until i'm ready to do those things.
thanks again anon, it felt good to talk to someone about it. i'll try take my mind off it and focus on other things until i'm ready to get out there.
kek nona I said SOME straight girls, not all. for your census purposes, im lesbian and the women ive cuddled with were mostly bi, but there were also straight girls who liked the contact. spooning, extended hugging, laying our heads on each other etc, its not like everyone did just the same thing either. kissing on the temple sounds a little weird to me to do with just friends, but there are people who kiss all their friends on the cheek so you just have to find someone on your wavelength, i guess. i also like head nuzzling tho.
i think your intensity could be influenced by deep loneliness, which is understandable, and you can take the edge off it by making friendly acquaintances to scope out to be friends with later idk. i definitely experienced it before. best of luck with improving human contact, nona
whats this doomerbait mindset nonnie
? have hope, you're "fixable," you just sometimes wish you weren't so you could give in without guilt>also not totally straight
an easy litmus test is if you want to touch and/or eat pussy you're not straight. or try imagining marrying a woman and spending your lives together>friendly acquaintances but I don't enjoy my time with them even though they're nice
that happens a lot, it just means you haven't found someone compatible. it could also mean you dont let yourself try to get closer to friendly acquaintances and so feel dissatisfied over something you can control>I have a physical craving for cuddling and closeness but I don't enjoy socializing
you want intimacy and closeness NOW bc you've been lonely for a long time, that is a normal desire that unforch cant be fulfilled right away. you dont enjoy socializing bc you dread using your energy for something that might or might not have rewards, and bc the ppl you reach out to might not reach back>i was just born wrong
absolutely incorrect, you were just born into a messy world filled with complicated people and complicated systems. stop doing morality math with your life and thoughts, you can do it nonnie
I don't think the touching pussy thing is a great test. Many of us don't want genitals out of context especially while we're virgins, doesn't mean we're asexual lol. The smell, the feelings, the texture etc become intoxicating in person but if you ask a female virgin about genitals they often don't have a very positive response, usually it's lukewarm at best (pussy or dick, I've seen this in both OSA and SSA women who are inexperienced). As for spending lives together, some people just can't picture a future in general. Especially if you're not an avid media consumer fantasizing about things like this won't come so naturally to everyone. Some people don't have very strong sex drives either, that is a huge reason why people get confused. If any of the anons here had high sex drives or enough intimate experience they would not be questioning to begin with.
I do think that anon is being a doomer though, some things just take time. Don't put yourself down for being lonely and liking cuddling, this is not something that makes you a FREAK WHO CAN'T LIVE IN SOCIETY. Come back down to earth please!