/g/ - girl talk

i'm turning 28 soon and i've always wanted to be a young mother. i'm still in uni though, so getting pregnant would absolutely ruin my life. i wish we had a better support system. i don't want to sound like a tradwife, but the modern world makes it very difficult for the majority of people to start a family. too many rules, less chances, the need to be educated and you must be motivated to work your ass off and not expect help from anyone in the system

>>310091
Holy fuck, I related to this..I'm trying to pay off as much of my school debt as I can and work on my career but I'd also love to be a mom. Idk. It feels like everything's stacked against us.

>>310091
Same except I'm 30. I've been with my bf for 4 years and we absolutely can't afford a kid. I don't see how we could make it work at this point. My abusive ex didn't want kids at all, so from that relationship I already kind of resigned myself to the possibility of it never happening… But sometimes it makes me so depressed I just cry. If this doesn't happen for me I know I will mourn it in my later years.

>>310091
I'm 30 and planning to become a mother in 3 years, it's definitely difficult. I'm trying to adjust my life to make it easier for me when the time does come around to getting pregnant. My bf and I are making it an effort to start a savings fund. I've been fucked over hardcore for not having credit and I'm currently finding myself penny pinching as someone who makes about $10 more than liveable wage. I don't have a college degree, but this was a career I started in 7 years ago and getting out of it when I have a child is going to reduce my funds. I know I can't reach out for government assistance, that's a trap and will fuck me over. I can only think of passive income, I'm figuring out what I can start doing now and build up from there.
My best friend also wants to become a mother and she wants to so badly not work at all and it upsets me because it doesn't seem realistic and it's going to disappoint her. Like, I've discussed this with my bf and he says the nuclear family structure doesn't exist. Corporations and the government make it impossible for a single source of income to uphold a family. You have to be lucky to make more than $25+ an hour by yourself. The majority of people in my country can barely make $15 and on top of that less than 1/3 of my countries population has a college degree, and don't get me started on paying off debt from people who've completed AND attempted but dropped out of higher education.
I turn into an anarchist when thinking about becoming a mother, the government doesn't want us to have children, they hate children because they're deemed nonproductive members of society. School sets children up to get used to the corporate world and it's meaningless hoops instead of learning to live independently and sustain a healthy and less stressful life. Young adults now just turn to expensive services to do simple things for them because they were never taught and it's too scary and stressful for them to learn how to do these things now or they simply don't realize it's possible to do it by yourself or they don't have the time because of the corporate world. Many parents can't be there for their children because of funds. They send them off to daycare facilities and right there majority of one of your paychecks is gone. It's such a trap. The world we live in doesn't welcome children and allow them to be raised by their parents, only strangers. This is why I'm working so hard now, because I want to see my children, I want to be there. I want my bf to be there too. I want to homeschool them and teach them they can achieve many things using the tools of their own bodies. I want to give them beautiful memories of the outdoors and having time spent with my and my bf and their friends and family. I don't want them to be sucked into this corporate world filled with debt and no time for leisure. It's misrable. Truthfully, I can't change everything around me, but I want to have my child to also hold hope and have optimism for the world around them.

>>310149
Agree 100%, especially with the last paragraph. It is truly sickening. In about 40 years there will be a panic about our aging population (in the US at least) just like there was in Japan. It's completely preventable but they will do nothing to improve matters.
My goal is to have a kid by 35. My boyfriend wants 2 but that's a pipe dream lol. Ideally I would like to take the first year off from work. I know it will be hard but to me it's worth the peace of mind. I'm generally an anxious and untrusting person, and can imagine that I'd only be worse when it comes to strangers watching my infant.

>>310091
I had all my kids during college and medical school, it's hard, but not impossible. You can also take advantage of childcare on campus

I'm six months pregnant and my esophagus constantly feels like there is a brick stuck in it. It's not reflux, so none of the reflux fixes help. Has anyone had this and found ways to make it better?

>>310336
I took tums and it helped

>>310149
>My best friend also wants to become a mother and she wants to so badly not work at all and it upsets me because it doesn't seem realistic and it's going to disappoint her. Like, I've discussed this with my bf and he says the nuclear family structure doesn't exist. Corporations and the government make it impossible for a single source of income to uphold a family.
That's not true at all. You just need a man who makes enough money and to not live in a shitty expensive city. Plenty of women are still stay at home moms and plenty of men can support a family on their income. Most women chose to work because they dont like the idea of being financially dependent on a man (what if you break up and have no work experience etc.) but it's not impossible.

Just wanted to post about my experience with pregnancy and PCOS to give fellow PCOS nonnas hope. I was diagnosed with PCOS in my early twenties and told by my doctor I would have a hard time getting pregnant and maybe not be able to get pregnant at all and that it's really important for me to eat healthy and remain at a normal weight (I used to be quite overweight which I think caused my PCOS and then lost weight). After eating healthy and staying at a normal weight all throughout my 20s I finally wanted to get pregnant at 29 and I was again told that it would be hard etc. But I got pregnant on my second cycle trying! Now I have a healthy baby and at my last check-up my doctor looked at my ovaries and said that they look healthy and normal!! They definitely didn't before. I was so shocked to hear this good news. It really really pays off if you work hard to keep the weight off and eat healthy. I still have irregular periods and some other symptoms since you can never get fully rid of it but I am so happy my body was able to heal itself and I have my healthy baby.

Don't let people convince you that PCOS means you have to be fat forever and can't have kids, I read that bullshit so many times from so many women on reddit etc who use it as an excuse. You can do it too!

>>310387
I feel like there's a lot of misdiagnosed PCOS because I was diagnosed with it and had zero troubles conceiving, I also was skinny my entire life. My only symptom was irregular and heavy periods. Like most of women's health there's a lot of misconceptions and doctors will lazily treat it so you have you advocate for yourself

>>310372
This so much + I can only speak for myself but most of the people I've seen who struggle with finances often bring it up on themselves. I only knew like 3 families who struggled with finances, one of them was a single mom who went on vacations frequently claiming she didn't get paid enough, another would spend every last penny on designer shit while begging for money from groceries, and the last one kept having kid after kid and had like 6+ pets while owning project cars and claiming they could barely scrape by. Of course this is all anecdotes and I don't doubt there are families truly struggling regardless of what they do, but I do want to open the question of how many families are truly struggling with finances vs how many families are just struggling with consumerism because it's not fair to families who actually need support and money but just look like trashy people who can't budget

>>310270
my husband and I are currently in grad school and I'm pregnant. it can work. there's family housing and free daycare. women can get stuck in this loop of waiting for the "right time" until before they know it they're 38 and wishing they had children.

>>310270
so much this. I have a 4 month old baby and honestly it's really not that much. Usually you get clothes gifted, but if you buy them second hand people give them away for so cheap as well. You could do cloth diapers and wash them in the sink instead of wet wipes to save money and as long as they're breastfed its basically no extra money spent as well. You could even skip the money for a crib and just co-sleep or put a little mattress on the floor. A sling carrier instead of a stroller. And once they start eating solids, they barely eat either. You can more than satisfy a toddler with a boiled egg and some yogurt for dinner for example. Don't fall for the lies that you need a huge amount of money!

>>310486
It's either this or they end up having kids way too late and then can't go have fun at birthday parties, trampolines, running around, etc because they're in their 50s/60s with teenagers
>Inb4 the "just take care of yourself dumbass" anon chimes in
Unless you're an Olympian or something, the average person in their 50s and 60s isn't going to be able to keep up with high energy ass children, just because you're not literally disabled doesn't mean you'll have the time or energy to want to deal with kids and teens

>>310486
not everyone wants to hand their kids over to strangers tho

>>310522
I said the same thing until my baby was about 7 months old and I was tired of putting my education off. Anyone who knows anything about university knows that even "full time" you only go less than 6 hours a week, if you find a reliable childcare center you will be fine, if your baby was in the nursery or NICU you probably already "handed your child to strangers" anyway. Women's lives don't end just because they have a baby, sorry most women are still allowed to have goals and interests after they have kids

Is it just me or do doctors seem to use "failure to thrive" loosely as fuck now? I thought it was just me, from about 0-3 months my ped always kept pressing me claiming my baby wasnt gaining enough when she reached her birth weight before 2 weeks and doubled birth weight at 4 months, she has a double chin and was super chunky and it's like ??? Are you looking at the same baby? Anyway ped would kept pressing me to feed her 2+ oz after a full feed every 2 hours, which made no sense because she was already getting what she needed from breast. Today I saw a TikTok of women showing off these massive chunky baby claiming they had failure to thrive but like wtf? These babies aren't starving to death anytime soon. Is this just a way to push formula or something?

>>310541
The "jumbo sized" piece of shit made me mad. Ugly AND will kill you during birth. I'd drop it on its head if it were mine(bait)

>>310515
I feel like gear isa minor/optional expense. The main expense my husband and I figured was insurance. It's an extra $300 each month if we don't get anything fancy. There's also the loss of income unless you pay for childcare instead.

>>310577
I feel like not enough people take up with Medicaid, it's quite easy to get and from my understanding , all children get it in most states,
you can get it for your children even if you make over the minimum requirement.
>Inb4 how dare you rely on government money
Government programs are literally made to help us, only Americans would suggest something as ridiculous as paying taxes just to NOT take advantage of some of the couple of programs to help themselves

You're totally correct though, my MIL is a hoarder and kept telling me and husband to constantly buy shit as her best advice to his, "go buy swaddles, not 2 or 3 but 7 or 8, go buy 50+ outfits, etc". The best advice I ever received is to buy the basics (bassinet, diapers, changing station, etc) and THEN just buy what baby needs from there. If baby doesn't like swaddles hey at least you don't have millions sitting around, if you just end up EBF at least there's not a bunch of random bottles to clean, obviously just buy a single item that may be in needed in an emergency such as a single pack of bottles or swaddle because you don't want to be stuck at 3 AM and you're not producing enough milk to keep baby satisfied or they need a swaddle or something

>>310573
Depends on the woman, I knew women that struggled with delivering preemies but I'm tiny (5'0) and most women in my family are and had no issue delivering 10+, 24in+ babies kek. The issues are that picking up baby postpartum is a pain, they won't fit into newborn clothes or diapers which plenty of folks bought tons of and it's going to eat a lot

>>310522
the option is there though. i will be staying at home for the first couple of years but i love that i have the option to drop my child off at a daycare that is in my building if i have a job interview i want to attend, or anything else really. and if you're in uni or grad school, you would only drop them off for a couple of hours a day.

>>310594
This. My baby was in the NICU for her first few months of life so "leaving baby with strangers" doesn't phase me considering the "strangers" are individuals highly trained in childcare. Obviously it's good to do research on the facilities since you can ask about vaccine requirements, how well they background check, etc. I feel like it's easy to judge daycare moms until you're put into the situation where you may need daycare

>>310522
This. While I was pregnant I couldn't imagine being separated from my baby, and after she was born I couldn't consider it at all. I worked at a daycare/preschool when I was younger, a nice middle class one, and I was horrified with how everything is run and the way teachers and staff blatantly bully or make fun of children. My field of work also made me interact with other daycare and preschool facilities in a research capacity and it seems to all be the same except the very high end ones. I know many mothers do not have a choice though.

>>310603
I feel the same but you have to understand it's only like this in LONG term ones, like 4-8+ hours daily. College childcare involves only a 1-2 hours at a time unless you really jam packed your schedule, plus they're cleaner and better trained I feel and simply not around your child enough to have a long term influence. Trusted family members and friends would obviously be the first option but it seems like most American family offer shit tier support systems or they'll expect almost twice the pay of a daycare worker to watch your kids even for an hour at a time.

Cheaper facilities meant for full term child care are shit though, some of them are so expensive parents are actually losing money trying to put their children through it. I was in daycare and I resent it since daycare workers often act like children themselves

>2 years have passed since we started trying for a baby

>still nothing

>blood tests are normal, pap smear is normal, hubby's sperm count seems normal

At this point I'm convinced my uterus is full of bees or something like that.

>>310625
Not to sound crazy or anything but if there's no known internal issues and you just can't seem to get pregnant it's often a sign of something deeper. My first marriage when we started ttc everything seemed good but it just didn't work, turned out he was a porn addict in multiple online relationships with teenagers. Second marriage I got pregnant instantly and everything is great

I've had vulvodynia since late 2021 and I'm afraid I'll never be able to have kids now. I'm 28 and wanted to have them in my early 30s so there's not much time until that. But I just got diagnosed so hopefully I'll be able to find a cure and go back to normal.

>>310625
Do you use lube? Some lubricants can slow down the sperm so much that it can't reach the egg. They make special fertility lube that is easier for them to pass through. I also used evening primrose oil, it makes your cervical mucus more plentiful and thinner to create a perfect environment for sperm to pass through.

I don’t think my first trimester symptoms are any worse the second time around, but I have seriously lost all patience for it. Not sure if I’ll end up making it to baby #3 after this. It’s been less than a week of the all-day morning sickness, and I’m ready to start tearing my hair out. I cannot believe it’s going to be another 8 weeks of this shit. I’m so mad.

? What does “look who’s talking now” mean…

>>311022
I've been trying to figure out too anon. I guess the baby?

I am over 4 months postpartum and I am having period-like bleeding every other week. I literally get a 1 week break until I have another "period" for like 5 days. I have already had two ultrasounds and one HCG test and there is nothing going on in my uterus, no left-over placenta or anything. I am exclusively breastfeeding. I can't find anything online about people experiencing this at all. My doctor just wants to put me on the pill but I don't want that while I am breastfeeding.

What the fuck? I hate my life so much right now.

I'm 3 months postpartum and literally losing all of my hair. It's coming out in handfuls constantly unless I keep my hair in a loose ponytail. This has been going on for about a week and my hair already feels much lighter when I hold it. I'm seeing a lot of patchyness on my scalp and it looks like my hair is receding. Im EBF. Is this normal and how long should I expect this to continue? Do I need to go to a doctor?

>>311353
That's normal sadly and your hair will eventually return to normal.

>>311353
For me, the hair loss started 6mo postpartum and lasted for about 6 weeks. Lost about a cm around my entire hairline, my “sideburns”, and about 70% of the volume in triangular sections near my temples. It looked and felt like a lot to me, but wasn’t immediately obvious to anyone else apparently. It’s been about 16 months since then and everything has come back, although some of the stubborn areas are only at about 10cm of growth. Like you, I was seriously freaked out and considering consulting a doctor, but I guess some of us just draw the short straw on those hormones. It’s fairly normal.

Been half ass trying for a baby after my miscarriage, but a part of me feels exhausted and dread the thought of becoming pregnant again. It was a rough 3 months of miscarriage healing and the 3 months I was pregnant was so miserable I hated every moment of it. The whole ordeal was traumatic and I felt like cattle constantly undressing for my doctors to probe me for every visit. I feel less human now than before and im depressed for my loss. I guess nobody really talks about the sad parts of pregnancy.

so i purchased an amazon c shaped pregnancy pillow a couple of weeks ago but absolutely hated it. it was so bulky and took up like 3/4 of my bed, plus it got flat after a week of use. i really wanted a bbhugme but the price is insane to get it shipped to canada. i luckily found it on fb marketplace the other day for $50, and omg. it is so worth the money. you can adjust the firmness and position in it so many ways. i highly recommend it! try to find it second hand if you can

>>311353
I had similar but I also had cancer before pregnancy. I just took fish oil and vitamins and it helped tons

>>311025
Anon lmaooooooooooooo I love it thank you

Acid reflux and heartburn will be my villain origin story.

>>310631
>My first marriage when we started ttc everything seemed good but it just didn't work, turned out he was a porn addict in multiple online relationships with teenagers

Um, what. There's men who are married with children and still do those things

I hope this is the right thread to ask, apologies if it isn't. But did any of the moms here(who are happy to be moms and enjoy having a child/children) like the idea of pregnancy but were ambivalent or uninterested in the actual having a kid part, prior to becoming a mother?

I'm 30, married, we're both on board to start trying in 3-5 years, will get some tests done to make sure our junk is functional before that, yadda yadda. Not too worried since my mom had kids easily in her late 30's. And while I don't mind the idea of pregnancy itself now, I kind of like it even as I get older, I can't picture myself as a mother to a child anymore than I could at 20. I don't dislike kids, but I don't really like them either. I have no maternal instinct whatsoever. Whenever I have to hold a baby niece/nephew or a friend's kid the only thing on my mind is "oh my god don't drop it". Sorry if this is rambling, but did any of you feel the same way, but got the maternal feelings when your own child was born? Every happy mom I know irl said she always had strong maternal instincts and desired to be a mother.

>>311751
Some women's bodies simply reacts poorly to toxic men in their life. Plenty of women in relationships with shitty men often start getting health problems from stress and there's often different omens that you need to catch, infertility being one of them. Some women are simply blessed with their bodies being able to reject shitty men from their life

>>311751
Nta but masturbating too much means lesser sperm in one ejaculation for a man so porn addicts are more likely to be infertile.

Preemie mom here - my baby is getting her NG tube out next month woo