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File: 1521655205118.jpg (1.55 MB, 3672x2568, redflag.jpg)

No. 76727

We've had a lot of mentions of red flags in various threads, so here's a way of collecting them all.

Which friends do you forsake? Which dates do you dump? Which co-workers do you cut off?

Farmers, what are your red flags when it comes to people?

No. 76728

>Gets too close too quickly
>Needs to know everything I'm doing down the last detail
>Casually calls women sluts and bitches over nothing

No. 76731

If you look through the catalogs, I think you'll find alreay threads about red flags.

No. 77084

>not introducing you to his parents after you've been seeing each other 3+ months

No. 77101

The worst thing is some men know what the flags are and intentionally don't do it until they've TrAppEd you. Hence the "It was so good at the beginning."

•One is he has no close male friends. This may not be because he's a sweet nerd, but because other men can see he's a sociopath and want nothing to do with him.
Women often have no friends just because we're shy, so we don't see it as a red flag. But one to watch out for.

•Extreme interest in you early on. Tons of messages, or even without the excessive messages, seems like a special connection but then he disappears
•No public social media accounts (easy to analyze true character)
•Or if there are, it is "The Me Show" of carefully selected advertising propaganda and is not really used to communicate with others honestly, just to build a facade about themselves

•Professes to change behavior because of you (this won't happen)

•Wants threesomes as a serious life wish/poly/tells you explicitly about his sexual interests without you raising the topic
•Rude to waitstaff/shop assistants
•Won't accept he was wrong/won't apologize
•If it's an online dude, always finds some reason not to meet (shy, not enough money)
•Says sexist things about other women but not you
•Doesn't side with you in an argument
•Always the first person to send you a message/or you are always the first person to contact. It should be equal

No. 77127

>>76731
stop minimodding, you realize people often listen to anons about 'the catalogue' and get banned for necroing.

No. 77128

>>77101
that's just stupid.

No. 77447

>>77101
doesn't side with you in a argument??? seriously?? this is fucking stupid. if someone always agrees with you, that;s probably worse tbh

No. 77448

>"I'm a nice guy"
>"I'm only human
Never trust a guy who says he's a nice guy and don't let a man excuse his shitty behavior with the other quote

No. 77451

>>77127

I wasn't minimodding. I said that because there's more information about red flags on the older threads. I don't think necroing is a issue in /ot/ and /g/ though.

No. 77460

>>77127
Are you retarded? You don't get banned for necroing unless you're one of the retards necroing dead threads on snow and pt but also contributing nothing to your necro. Use the fucking catalog, it's there for a reason.

No. 77506

Napolean complex dudes are a pain. I couldn't give a flying fuck what height a dude is if he's a sweet guy.
And the misogyny shit like other anons mentioned. Nothing more pathetic than someone who blames everything that goes wrong in life on m-muh roasties.

No. 80058

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>>77101
>No public social media accounts
>Doesn't side with you in an argument
the fuck?
everything else is ok but really? this is stupid.

No. 80074

IF a guy is close to one of his exes.

Unless it was a high school relationship or something, just no.

I know this one girl who is in an improv duo with her ex bf. They do EVERYTHING together and she's always talking about how they're "obsessed" with one another. He even goes with her when she meets up with her real estate agent to help her look for houses.

And you can tell this guy's in the ultimate friendzone. It's been this way for 7 years. She gets in and out of relationships and he is very clearly in love with her. Anyone he dates comes second to his best girl friend.

No. 80075

>>80074

yeah, guys like this don't deserve any relationships that may come their way. how stupid do they have to be to hold onto that tiny shred of hope that maybe one day she'll change her mind? so insecure. he's right where he deserves to be.

No. 80076

Keep in mind that even though I use the "he" pronoun for the sake of convenience, plenty of these flags apply to women as well.
>Gets way too close way too soon, might share TMI stuff unexpectedly. In worst cases, starts saying stuff like "when we get kids" 2 weeks into dating or pressuring you onto moving in with him.
>Gets explosively angry for a trivial reason and goes from 0 to 100 in a second, then apologizes profusely and claims he was "just having a bad day". It's not just "a bad day", that's what he's going to be like and it's only going to get worse.
>He's just gotten out of a relationship and is excessively clingy and/or moving too fast - there's probably a reason the relationship ended and he's looking for a fast band-aid to put on his wounded pride.
>He's a dishrag, doesn't have a will of his own and he submits to everything you say or want. Never discusses anything, never has an opinion. He's probably gathering up bitterness and silent resentment towards you and ends up cheating/leaving out of nowhere.
>He "jokingly" makes fun of you or something important to you and is offended when your feelings get hurt. Instead of "Sorry, I didn't mean it" he says "Come on, it's just a joke".
>He complains, complains, complains and complains. Everything sucks. He's always negative about EVERYTHING.
>He always tells half-truths or "little white lies". He's definitely hiding bigger things too. He might also project his habit onto you, such as accusing you of lying because that's something he would lie about.

>>77101
>•One is he has no close male friends. This may not be because he's a sweet nerd, but because other men can see he's a sociopath and want nothing to do with him.

This is honestly a huge red flag and a surprising amount of people ignore it. The worst guys I've met have always been loners without male friends because they've driven them away by toxic, sociopathic behavior. Bonus if they come up with shakey excuses as to why they're always alone ("I just prefer my own company", "I'm an introvert I guess", "Other people just don't get me" etc). They might have a wide array of acquaintances but nobody to really hang out with. It's the same with girls who don't have female friends and claim they "like to hang out with guys because there's less drama". More often than not they're the drama queens themselves.

>•Rude to waitstaff/shop assistants

Also this. If a guy does this shit, get out as fast as you can.

No. 80087

>sexual ultimatums
>rude to your parents
>sam hyde fan
>(if 3+ age gap) will use it as an excuse to condescend to you and guilt you
>cries when denied sex
>low key violent during sex and cries about it after
>raised under a freaky religion like LDS or Jehovas witnesses
>20+ year old virgin
>mentally ill but refuses to take his meds
>skips college/work to the point of getting kicked out or fired
>dreams of being an artist but has no drive to work on pieces and sell them
>parrots Anthony fantano when talking about music

No. 80090

>>80087
>20+ year old virgin
fuck im scared i just got into one like that

>parrots Anthony fantano when talking about music

this me tho

No. 80117

>obsessed with exes or is obsessed with a random girl in general, as in always talking about them
>rude and judgmental especially to employees
>is obsessed with the internet or vidya
>likes anime
>unemployed but refusing to find a job or doing crazy shit like onion level claiming x y and z will make him rich and he won't need a job, spoiler:it will fail
>wants to be poly
>easily angered
>can't take no for an answer, even if it's over shit like them crying about you not buying them mcdonalds, this happened to me before
>gets offended easily, crying over stupid shit
>always talks about how hot other women are
I'm happy with the guy I'm with now and he wants a future with me, but if any of this happens I'd leave his ass

No. 80121

>>80087
>>76728
>>80117
Legit. Girls, if your bf shows these traits please leave him..

>Anime fan

>Jessica Nigri fan
>Watches "skeptic" videos on YT
>Overly jealous
>Obsess over how toootally good weed is
>Touches you without permission or when you're drunk/high and unable to say no
>Think women are emotionally weak and inferior to men but can't the slightest thing themselves
>Horrible fashion sense
>Loves violent porn and wants to try it with you

Or

>Very secretive about their life

>Controlling and manipulating (will evetually lead to verbal and physical abuse)
>Lies about their whereabouts for no good reason
>Calls other women ugly (this accompanied with whats written above and under is a sign that he'll start verbally abusing you when things does not go right)
>Does not care when you're sad, but wants you to care when they're sad
>Horrible view of women
>Spends time obsessing over models or other attractive women
>Drink too much alcohol, takes too much drugs
>Has a high position at their job (not a bad thing in itself. But it shows that they're ruthless)

No. 80128

>>80121
>Horrible fashion sense
So… 90% of the US male population?

No. 80141

>he rates women using numbers
>he gets angry easily
>he's an adult virgin
>he pressures you into doing things you don't wat

No. 80143

>>80121
>'skeptic'

Whatis this skeptic shit I keep reading/hearing everyere? Is it some new movement? Or a new name for le "alt-right."

Someone please clue me in.

No. 80164

>>80143
I assume june/sh0eonheads boyfriend

No. 80202

>>80128
Probably lmao. Just kidding. It's not a bad thing in and of itself. But combinied its baaad.

>>80143
>>80164
>I assume june/sh0eonheads boyfriend
Yes, also Sargon and all those types and rest of the alt right people. It's also a red flag when they start to emulate them and show how ~*intellectual*~ they are

No. 80345

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>>80202
Red flag because that would make my boyfriend even less "rightwing" than me.

No. 80407

>>80143
They're essentially alt-righters who consider themselves too ~intellectual~ to be alt-right. Self-proclaimed "academic" pissbabies who have failed at the academic game and need to compensate.

No. 80410

>>80407
Nah, I think they're "alt-righters" who depends on youtube and patreon for their income so they don't ever say anything too extreme or anything negative about race or the jews… because they'll get banned from those platforms and lose their "job".
They can rationalize it as being intellectual but I'm pretty sure it's a cope. However a lot of their followers legitimately believe in their "liberalist" sentiments. Because they are impressionable teenagers and young adults.

No. 81413

>>80121
>>Touches you without permission
wat

No. 81417

>>80121
lol it's super obvious that you named two exes separately for some reason, but like, many of those things are really stupid tbh

No. 81422

>>81413
>Touches you without permission

Do you like being sexually assaulted?

No. 81424

>>81422
In a relationship there a worlds between sexual assault, and touching needs permission.

>M'lady may I request permission to hug?

>Yes m'dear, for the next 30 seconds you may hug me. Any escalation or touch beyond the timeframe will be threated as an aggression.

Is he supposed to be your bf or just some acquaintance?

No. 81465

>is in uni but doesn't know what to do after graduation
>prioritizes video games/friends over you constantly
>fat and/or eats like shit. doesn't comprehend basic nutrition
>likes hentai
>is into ddlg
>lacks emotional intelligence because "muh loner, idk how relationships work"
>doesn't have his own group of friends
>loud and autistic. has 0 self awareness
>physical ailments (hemorrhoids, acne, tinnitus)
>he's non assertive/easy to manipulate

I just unintentionally described 2 of my exes, fuck.

No. 81487

>wants to pay something you could pay yourself and doesn't accept when you want to pay next time

No. 81489

hm, I am engaged now but dated a lot and I have a couple of red flags to contribute:

>angrily spergs on social media to his like 20something followers, tagging celebrities as if he's relevant

>untreated disorders in general particularly bpd
>weirdly obsessed with his own penis and being told how big it is all the time
>into loli or ddlg
>treats animals badly
>subpar personal hygiene
>pressures you or encourages you a lil too much to do drugs
>purposefully gets you too drunk in order to super lower your sexual inhibitions
>uses a Mac lol sorry
>in a shitty band
>can't cook and doesn't try
>is arrogant to family/friends that you like
>has no concept of budgeting or saving money
>lets you spend money on all your activities together
>idea of a good videogame is halo
>likes mlp

No. 81496

>>81465
>>physical ailments (hemorrhoids, acne, tinnitus)
Care to explain this one to me? I could see ailments that are the result of him neglecting his health, but other than that, I don't get how that is a red flag.

No. 81500

Number one for me is the way they treat animals/see animals. If your pet is usually friendly or aloof but when they meet the person and hate them, break it off. Guys that have no problem possibly running over animals like squirrels and birds on the road (when they see them and are aware of them) are psychos. Guys that don’t take proper care of their pets or condone improper care (“what? It’s just a rabbit/bird/etc”) are selfish at best. Dudes that have no problem getting physical in a negative way with pets (shoving them off the couch/kicking them out of the way) need to be beat up. Same goes for girls tbh but you get the point. It’s okay if someone is fearful of animals but be respectful dammit
>be my friend
>have dude over
>she goes to the restroom
>her dog gets on a recliner because he’s allowed on furniture
>dude shoves 10-12 pound dog off because it was “too close” to him
>friend catches him, dude says the dog fell down
>bye motherfucker you can walk home
I wish I said goodbye to my shitty ex before he killed all his reptiles…

No. 81519

>talks over you
>doesn't let you have proper conversation with his friends or his family
>doesn't like when you have hobbies
>calls you out for doing things you like because "they are cringy"
>excessively concerned about how others might see me
>passive aggressive verbal abuse
>usage of affection as manipulation tool

I have a really shitty ex.

No. 81580

>>81500
You're absolutely right. How someone treats animals is how someone treats anyone they are more powerful than.

No. 89740

>wants poly when really he just wants to pump other girls but u cant get mad
>has 14+ serious gfs but the longest one has lasted 3 months and is +25 y/o
>treats his mother like shit unprovoked
>pressures u to do weeds + hard drugs
>wanks to asmr vids
>scene kid tats
>has a lot of barely legal girls as friends
>cant cook
>mother still bathes him
>cosplays as cringey animu waifus, comes out as NB on fb then takes it all back/blames u for it
>has no long term ambitions/goals
>never wants to move out of his mothers
>legit thinks lifting ever 2 month will make him buff
>no concept of nutrition, fitness plans or exercise in general.
>will give bus money home if u footjob him
>has no qualms about having his dog in the same room while fucking you
>thinks a degree in graphic design will make him the next hideo kojima
>posts slut-shaming statuses about girls u both know but admits he'd fuck them if u werent together
>is fatter irl cos he knows his angles/photoshops
>wants u to be his foot dominatrix but uses the following excuses to dodge putting effort into sex:
>"im too high"
>"your pube grow-back is hurting me"
>"its alright i wanked to hentai before u came over xD"
>"

No. 89743

>>89740
>wanks to asmr vids

People really do that? Fucking barf.

No. 89744

>> constant communication
>> many female friends
>> drinks too often
>> only outside to drink
>> conservative
>> falls in “love” too soon
>> no compliments or way too many
>> lives at home
>> obsessed with apperance/image obsessed
>> insecure and needy
>> name calling or down putting

No. 89749

>treats weed like it's some miracle plant that solves everything
>Browses Reddit all day everyday
>Anti-feminist and super loud about it
>Thinks any kind of female positivity is feminism
>Makes you get high and have sex with him
>Guilts you in to sex by telling you that if you don't then you don't love him
>Ignores you if you don't have sex with you
>Jerks off next to you after you denied sex
>Blames all relationship problems on your mental health
>Won't let you cut your hair
>Won't let you lose weight
>Goes through all you text and makes you stop talking to anykne who text you to frequently, but your not allowed to go through his
>When you don't think his jokes that demean and belittle you are funny, he responds with 'dont be so autistic, it's a joke'
>Forbids you from listen to music he doesn't like
>Forbids you from eat foods he doesn't like
>Tells you to quit therapy because you don't need to speak to any one but him

Honestly this list could go on and on, based off of relationship I had in the past that I failed to any red flags in until it was too late and I felt like I couldn't leave.

No. 89754

>>89749
how can you have such poor judgement?

No. 89757

>doesn't drink water. ever.
>acts like being the one to pay for things sometimes is a form of slavery
>has no car or license, makes you drive him around everywhere
>coddled by his (single) mother; thinks women will do anything for him because of it
>HAREM of female friends
>still obsessed with his ex(es); still hangs out with/talks to his ex(es)
>constantly compares your physical and nonphysical traits to other women
>has insecurities about his body image, projects them onto you
>has obsession with abnormally short, underdeveloped girls (lolis)
>has a fetish for a particular race/ethnicity
>makes horrible comments/jokes about your race/ethnicity
>attracted to long-distance relationships rather than face-to-face ones
>can't cum or enjoy sex fully because he death-gripped to porn for too long
>is your first sex partner, but calls you frigid/accuses you of being asexual because you aren't a sex goddess yet
>constantly pushes threesomes/open relationships on you
>^tries to convince you that you are actually bi/bi-curious because he wants above^
>moans someone else's name during sex
>says sexual things about your family members, including your underage siblings [SIRENS BLARE]
>has files/folders on his computer that he has to hide/won't let you see [SIRENS INTENSIFY]
>overly critical of your life decisions that don't revolve around him or suit his unrealistic expectations
>CONSTANTLY PUSHING ULTIMATUMS
>wants to remain friends after the break up ;)

No. 89762

>>89754
Because I was a dumb as shit teenager, it was my first serious relationship and he didn't start out that bad.

No. 89770

>>89740
>>mother still bathes him
How do you even find these guys?

No. 89771

>>81465
>physical ailments (hemorrhoids, acne, tinnitus)
huh? you can't really control this kind of stuff sometimes idk why this is a "red flag"

No. 89778

where are y'alls standards at please love yourselves…

No. 89780

>>89770
its why now im a firm believer that getting to know someone solely by going on dates is a horrible idea.

>>89757
hunny your list sounds almost identical to what my friends ex did to her, except apparently he used to noncon physically hurt her to the point of tears during sex + he broke up with his last gf by sleeping w/ her friend while being fully aware she was miscarrying at his house alone.

So yh if that isnt preaching to the choir of chucking a guy before something even worse happens idk what is.

No. 89800

>>81496
It isn't on it's own. They were just being picky.

No. 95356

>>89744
>constant communication
what's wrong with this??

No. 95360

>>80121
I had a huge crush on a Nigri fan about a year and a half ago and it ended with sexual assault lmfao. Can't believe I ever liked him. Correlation does not equal causation but goddamn I should've left as soon as I found out her liked her

No. 95379

>adds friends of yours on social media and never interacts with them
>keeps updating you on when they change their profile/their activities
>generally keeps tabs on them even though you two never had any romantic/sexual interest at all
>tries to dissuade you from playing games with friends of opposite sex
>wants you to sit on cam with them while they just watch
>won't sleep until you do
>asks for proof you're in bed once you log off

y i k e s. I'm not being paranoid here, these are huge flags yeah?

No. 95390

>>95379
Huge anon, huge red flags. You're not paranoid.

No. 95397

>>95379
anon, keeping tabs on them is weird but ">tries to dissuade you from playing games with friends of opposite sex" is enough of a red flag imo

and the "asks for proof you're in bed once you log off" is just screaming batshit crazy
please anon, run this is terrible

No. 95398

>tells you a week after first meeting you that you're soulmates based on your astrological signs
>doesn't stop dropping hints that their life is in shambles (example: "my bpd is so bad that people have called the cops on me for not leaving them alone")
>dumps ridiculous amounts of personal life info on you
>inflicts head wounds on themselves to get attention
>couch surfing
>nonstop talk about exes that are trying to get back with them

No. 95401

File: 1537118120161.gif (498.63 KB, 500x316, patrick.gif)

How the fuck did you guys even start a relationship with these literal psychopaths?
How did you think it was a good idea?

No. 95402

This is mostly redflags I should have seen in my first ever bf (15 at the time so uh)

>Racist

>insults your friends, makes fun of them
>like sometimes in front of them
>thinks his hobbies are better than anyone else's
>belittles you for having an open mind about music
>"what are you seriously listening to rap now ? you're disappointing anon"
>makes you feel like shit for going out with friends WITHOUT HIM
>jealous of GAY best friend
>tells you that you have no future
>belittles you for having less money (which came from his parents anyway like wut)

I should post something about him in the loser ex boyfriend thread lmao

No. 95424

>Consistently or only dates people way younger than themselves
>Pressures you into getting into things more quickly than you want to
>Won't fight for themselves or argue with you, blames you for being unhappy because they don't express their misgivings
>Pathologizes your anger or frustration
>Can't form own opinions, opinions and identity strongly copied/based off people surrounding them
>Always broke from poor spending habits
>Physical and mental health, and appearance, all deteriorate due to refusing to get help or take care of self
>Keeps you separated from the rest of their life
>Doesn't respect differences of opinion
>DOESN'T SELF-IMPROVE

No. 95447

>>95401
Fuck off

No. 95459

>>95424
>>Won't fight for themselves or argue with you, blames you for being unhappy because they don't express their misgivings
That sounds like such a You-problem.

No. 95460

>>95401
People are complex and layered. Red flag doesn't mean it's automatically the warning sign for a serious thing, it just means something to look out for and keep your eyes open. Someone enjoying crude off beat humor doesn't automatically mean they have twisted mind, but it can be a red flag because some twisted minds enjoy similar humor. It's not black and white.

No. 95504

>Gets upset if you aren't super enthusiastic about their stories/interests/etc. all the time, but treats your own stories/interests/etc. like chores they have to sit through until it's their "turn" for attention again
>Constantly drinking/getting high (especially if they try to pressure you into doing it too and act like you're boring if you don't want to)
>Insults your hobbies/friendships/etc. to make you drop everything that isn't them
>Incredibly defensive of their computer/phone
>Gets jealous of anyone/anything that takes your attention away from them (including pets)
>Really into their YouTube/Instagram/Tumblr/Twitter and treats it as a much bigger deal than it actually is (eg. putting "1000 YT subs" on their resumé)
>Sees your anger/sadness as trivial or funny (and may even try to rile you up/upset you as a "joke"), but expects you to see their feelings as the most important feelings in the world
>Refers to all of their exes as crazy/evil/abusive
>Demands sexual pleasure but never reciprocates
>Does one small thing (like a chore or a favour) and uses it as leverage (eg. "I walked the dog earlier so how dare you ask me to help you with the dishes, you're so lazy")
>Refuses to meet your family or let you meet theirs
>Immediately starts self-deprecating whenever you disagree with them/tell them you hurt their feelings (eg. "I'm such a horrible person I'm so stupid I'm the worst ever")
>Uses mental health as an excuse for bad behaviour but never makes any attempt to improve
>Threatens to break up with you whenever you take issue with anything they say/do
>Has never cleaned a bathroom

No. 95686

>Invites you to his house under the guise of him being 'supportive' about your mental illness
>"you can stay at mine during the holidays anon, you don't have to eat anything"
>Touches you up all night while you're there, says its his autism and not him being horny
>Tells you they had a crush on you for a while but ended up with their last ex because she "seemed easier"
>Texts you images of their selfharm
>Asks you how much you ate today and then says "oh 300 calories is pretty normal"
>Ghosts you for your hotter friend and tells you you need to get better because you're "too toxic for them"
>Pretends nothing between you two ever happened

Orrr
>Is morbidly obese
>Still goes on about how much hotter you are whenever you lose weight even though you're low-end healthy
>Talks back to his mum like a child and gives her a hard time even though she's constantly lending him money and coming over to do his chores
>Won't do the dishes or his own laundry
>Tells you off for helping out; is perfectly happy for his mum to do it all or to live in a pig sty with no clean clothes
>Expects a blow job every day even when you're sick, tired, or he hasn't showered for days
>"please just swallow anon I don't eat well and my cum tastes disgusting and makes you ill but its easy cleanup"
>Tells you AFTER you have unsafe sex several times that he THINKS he might have had chlamydia for a few years
>Takes you home drunk and fucks you even though he's sober
>Says he loves you in the first month

Why do I keep finding these men

No. 96360

>>95686
where did you meet them? curious

No. 96415

>>95424
june? is that you?

No. 96437

>>96360
First guy I met in high school, he was a few years older and had just left. Second guy I met at a con.

No. 96665

My red flags are "unconventional" and probably bs, I don't know how to judge myself
They "pursue" people as mindless entertainment. This strikes me as especially odd if they have a gf/bf and a active social life, they can just go hang out with friends instead of wasting their time on someone they consider subhuman. Its really freaky to keep another human being in your life just to be mindless entertainment. I don't understand it.

But people who have people they idolize online are fine, since they're caring about them as a person and it doesn't warp anything interpersonal.

Standards for a partner, this sets me off. it suggests people shouldn't unconditionally love their partner and we have to prove our worth or something. I don't get it.

"asocial" people, people who are self-aware and unstable and admit they get into fights with their own friends, I'm actually asocial and I avoid people to avoid any potential conflict. This is a "standard" for me than a red flag I guess, since I'm asocial and need someone who can get along effortlessly with other people so I can "indirectly" make friends without talking to people,

No. 96666

>>96665
God I forgot to elaborate on this
I just remembered; not diagnosed with anything, they're completely "normal"
These people are red flags for me as a whole, I assume they mock people who do have diagnoses and act "weird" like them as a cute and quirky trait for them, but will happily block and maliciously ruin a actual autistic/any mentally "weird" person's life.

These people are so messy I'm more scared of them than actual mentally ill people, since they will lock up harmless people and use their "quirks" that get them marginalized as something cute and funny for themselves, ignoring them completely as people and treating them like they can't be self-aware and be treated like any other human

No. 96684

>>96666
People who DO have a personality disorder like BPD but don't think they do, or think they have something milder, or vastly misdiagnose it with "depression".

Like if you use people as items, use and change personality traits and interests as superficial lures rather than genuine interests, view every woman as either Madonna or whore, practice sexual abuse, have no close friends or relationships and have strange relationship with your parents, obsess over people and then drop them? You have a personality disorder and it ain't depression.

Anyway watch out for people who lump all their problems under "depression" when they are potentially dangerous to others. Agree with this post even if you think it is only personal to you anon
>>96665
All true.

No. 96790

I might have missed it, but a HUGE red flag

"I only do Open Relationships"

No. 96794

Only got a couple but I'm honestly disgusted that I ever had such low self esteem to endure this:

> insists on a shaven pussy, armpits and legs


> doesn't bother making you come


> blames you for not coming, saying - and I'm quoting verbatim here from a guy I dated for months - 'you just don't get off'


Like Jesus Christ, thank fuck I'm with a guy now who isn't a selfish misogynistic prick who thinks sex ends the minute he blows his load and that his female partner might as well be a hole in the mattress

No. 96839

File: 1537931454921.jpg (14.86 KB, 435x435, 1310670116784.jpg)

>>96790
>see a cute dude on bumble
>scroll down to bio
>"In an open relationship"/"In a poly relationship"

No. 97770

File: 1539005596133.gif (809.8 KB, 500x279, Haruhi_judging_you.gif)

> says sorry over and over but never changes
> guilt trips you constantly
> hypocritical about everything
> obsessed with hentai or one particular race of girls
> values his 2d girls over you
> flirts with other men with anime avatars because lonely "b-but not gay"
> bad hygiene
> calls you bitch or says fuck you
> makes mother cry
> threatens to break up if you ever try to stand up for yourself
> cheats on you, let alone with his cousin, three days after a family member you were close to dies
> calls you disgusting for finding out and having an issue with it
> lies about alcohol usage
> is obsessed with ex
> buys the same LIP BALM ex had and keeps it on shelf but is "over her"
> argues with male friends about everything
> hates being wrong
> abuses you but claims you're abusive when you stand up to him and want honesty
> makes you cry but doesn't care
> sulks in corner
> turns nose up when you try to be the mature one
> obsessed with asian cosplayers
> death gripped so hard he has an ED and ruins your bedroom self esteem
> rages at games
> has arguments with friends over anime girls
> makes you feel like you're not skinny enough and he says he'd be more attracted to you if you were tall, skinny and asian
> victim complex
> throws things and shouts
> runs away constantly just to crawl back and insist he'll treat you like "a princess"
> tells you that you're the problem constantly

I'm still not over spending a year with someone who was this shitty to me but he'd always make me think I was overreacting and that I was too controlling and paranoid.

No. 97774

File: 1539007543389.png (446.66 KB, 523x551, 254785777027212.png)

>Insists that any problems in the relationship are YOUR problems.
>Won't go to counseling with you to work on the relationship because, again, YOUR problems.
>Make the changes he wants but still brings up the past to use an excuse as to why the relationship isn't moving forward.
>Also won't just let you go even though he makes it sound like everything is damned.
>Becomes defensive if you try to talk about your feelings and then gets mad that you don't talk about your feelings.
>Never discloses his feelings.
>Doesn't reciprocate the time, energy, or amount of thoughtfulness you give.
>Takes for granted any sacrifices you make for him and his family.
>Thinks that you should be a fucking mind reader and just know that he's always thinking about you and wanting to put you first.
>Only time he is physically affectionate is when he wants to have sex.

I'm coming to the gross realization that I'm in a terrible relationship.

No. 97785

>needs constant attention, talking 2 times a week should be more than enough for any worthwhile relationship
>always talks about themselves and their problems; even if I'm talking about mine, they find some way to twist it around. after the first time this happens I stop talking about myself entirely and lose respect for that person.
>totally wrong perspective on themselves, think they're better than they are

This is sort of undercover bullshit that takes some time to show itself. Everything else (abusive tendencies/etc.) I immediately veto. It's not that hard.

No. 97848

>>97785
>>needs constant attention, talking 2 times a week should be more than enough for any worthwhile relationship
I disagree. I'm way needier than that, and I need someone who eagerly waits each evening to hear about my day.

No. 97852

>>97774
This is my ex exactly. It was horrible and progressed into harder territory and I felt trapped for so long. Please get out anon.

No. 97875

>>97774
Get outta there. My ex was like that and it had worn me so thin I nearly had a mental breakdown. Find someone worth your time and energy.

No. 97895

>>97774
Lol are we together with the same guy?

No. 97955

>>97785
>needs constant attention, talking 2 times a week should be more than enough for any worthwhile relationship
you're insane.

No. 97957

>>95379
>asks for proof you're in bed once you log off
All of these are horrible but this one made my skin crawl, you don't want to find yourself handcuffed in their basement in a few months anon, get out now.

>>95504
>Sees your anger/sadness as trivial or funny (and may even try to rile you up/upset you as a "joke"), but expects you to see their feelings as the most important feelings in the world
This is such a huge fucking red flag, and especially if they get ANGRY at you for feeling sad, hurt or any other negative emotion ("Ugh come on it was just a nasty joke about something that means a lot to you on a personal level!"). It's a sign they want to be in control of you and when you're feeling strong emotions they can't control, it makes them lose their temper.

Tbh all signs of overcontrolling are the worst red flags. Like guilt tripping and shaming you every time you want to do something for yourself such as hang out with your friends your partner doesn't know. It might start out with something small ("Umm okay I'll just figure out something to do while you're out without me…sigh") and develop into a fullblown temper tantrum or threats of self-injury if you don't drop your plans with other people.
>Constantly praises other people while making "subtle" jabs at you for being worse than they are, such as them being more attractive/thinner/talented/etc. Such as "You know Emma from down the street? She got such a long, thick hair it's unbelievable! You could hoist a boat by those!" After a discussion about your insecurity concerning your hair thickness. And it's not just one offhanded comment, it's systematic and every time they praise another person it's always to compliment something they're better at than you are. They want to remind you of your place.

Also this:
>Gets jealous of anyone/anything that takes your attention away from them (including pets)
I've had an overly attached, jealous partner get mad at me for being a dick to them in their DREAM. I've honestly had to apologize for mistreating them in a DREAM. Something their brain literally MADE UP.

No. 97974

>someone who browses lolcow

No. 97976

>>95390
>>95397
>>97957

Don't worry, it wasn't about me but a friend to show and prove a point that what I was saying wasn't"omg ur biased bcs ur bf is shit" and it was genuine red flag behavior. They still went for it, but at least I know I'm not the only one that's concerned.

No. 97983

>>97785
uuh, you sound like the red flag tbh. the first thing is a preference, not a red flag (that would mean anyone living together isn't in a worthwhile relationship kek)

the other two things kind of make it sound like you're batshit/abusive to me.

No. 97994

>>97957

tfw a friend's gf was EXACTLY like this towards me and her bf as well as making him cut off girls before me, does the same with me, I tell her that we are just friends and that she is controlling, she spreads 39494999 rumors that I want to break them up and wants to turn everyone against me for seeing her true colors. Roll my eyes when I remember she does this with every female friend he has and now he's moved to the same uni as her, she needs to be constantly keeping tabs on him and sees smoking without her or having female friends as cheating.

I despise people like this, I agree anon, get out safe. These people are toxic as fuck.

No. 98045

>invalidates rough stuff you went through or ignore it as it's not big deal at all;
>always have something bad to say about people who aren't even annoying;
>gives off a gossiper vibe;
>thinks depression and ptsd is "laziness" or "being manipulative" and suicide is "selfish";
>DEMANDS knowing one or another thing that you aren't comfortable sharing but when you share something that isn't of their interest they laugh or dismiss you;
>NEEDS to be right all the time;
>"all my exs are sluts";
>ghosts you for not buying their BS or licking their ass;
>never respect your opinion unless if it match with theirs;
>gets triggered easily and then throw a fit;
>never apologize, you're always the one to blame;

These are some red flags I have observed around and serves for both friendships and SO's imo.

No. 98047

>>98045

Samefag and forgot to add:
>they keep screenshots of embarrassing/silly things you said months ago, probably to use against you or shove at your face in an argument; - I haven't seen this red flag here yet
>they treat you as if they were superior and you stupid;

Was going to add some others but they're too obvious.

No. 98068

>>97848
Then you're not good in a relationship.

>>97955
I like spending my time alone

>>97983
How is what I said abusive? If someone acts a certain way and then pretends that they didn't, it's wrong and irritating.

No. 98069

>>98068
You want a cat, not a relationship.

No. 98070

>>97785
I would be disturbed if I didn't talk to my boyfriend at least once a day. Have you ever had a real boyfriend off the internet…?

No. 98072

>>98068
I don’t think all relationships have to lead to marriage, but you are clearly not ready to commit your time and energy to a person and build a life together. If your not willing to give that too someone you shouldn’t enter an exclusive relationship with that person.
Distance makes the heart grow colder.

No. 98102

>>98068
If you like spending your time alone, why are you in a relationship then?

No. 98187

Is it a red flag that my boyfriend's best friend cheated on his longterm girlfriend, and my boyfriend continued to proclaim what a great person said friend is and how awesome he is and how fun?
All the while he is very vocal, but only towards me, about how bad he thinks cheating is.

No. 98193

>>97785
>needs constant attention, talking 2 times a week should be more than enough for any worthwhile relationship
So you want an acquaintance?
This is the relationship thread not a stranger thread, ho.

No. 98220

>>98215
He actually talked to him about our relationship and does take his advice. He claims the advice is to marry me, but… I doubt that

No. 98228

>>98220
er, how do you actually know that?

you don't even believe that the actual advice was to marry you, so why do you think he's using any advice?

i'm sure your bf is just humoring the guy.

No. 98233

>>98228
because my boyfriend was randomly talking to me about how he and his best friend discussed our relationship and how his best friend advised him to marry me. My boyfriend said he was going to take the advice.
Why I doubt that's what the best friend said, is because said best friend hates seeing us together, and literally said that. Why would someone who hates seeing me with my bf, tell my bf to marry me?

No. 98273

>>98233

you sound fucking dumb.

No. 98275

>>98273
NTA but Lol don't be a bitch anon

No. 98282

>>98275
she does tho.

if she's paranoid over her bf and his friend conspiring against her then either she needs help or she should break it off. it honestly sounds like from >>98187 that her bf is trying to justify being friends with the other guy himself.


this is like middle school level shit

No. 98283

>>98068

100% abusive and slightly autistic. you seem to think that getting upset at someone and then holding a grudge without expressing your feelings is normal. also, i love how you're stating your opinion as fact. normally good friends talk more than twice a week, let alone a boyfriend.

i honestly hope no one ever has the misfortune of trying to date you, but then even if they did, you'd end up a side piece really quick with how detached you sound.

No. 98289

>>98282
What I feel more worried about is the fact that my boyfriend is hypocritical. He says he despises cheaters, but his best friend is the best person on the planet despite being a cheater. And it's not like he just separates it and wouldn't take relationship advice from the guy, because he does. And his best friend drags him to parties fueled with MDMA and coke, and my boyfriend sends me dramatic messages beforehand to tell me to fuck off for the rest of the week before the week of partying starts, while I have never given him any shit or tried to stop him from going to his parties. The fact that he acts so defensive constantly without any reason, and loudly proclaims how terrible cheating is, while not showing he actually believes that, makes me think something is up. It seems like one big act.

No. 98293

>>98289
>>Sends me dramatic messages beforehand to tell me to fuck off for the rest of the week
You uhm… should of probably put this as your first post Anon and not that bs about his best friend being a cheater. Why are you with this guy exactly

No. 98294

>>98289
Dude, I kind of agree with the other anon tbh. You have more to worry about than how he feels about his friend…

No. 98295

>>80058
tbh i have to agree
i dated a guy with no social media accounts for about 6 months, it turns out the reason why this was is that he'd burned so many bridges and had a horrible reputation around town. if he had ever created a Facebook account, his wall would have been full of angry messages from people he'd treated like shit or used for his own advantage. Every time we went out together (even when it was to events with his 'friends') I'd have people come up and lowkey drop hints about how I was 'too nice for him' or tell me stories about how ~crazy~ he was. At first I thought they just meant he partied a lot but as time went on, I realized they were trying to warn me about him without coming right out and telling me to run.

as for the argument thing, i think it probably depends on the argument. if it's something petty then it's best just to let the disagreement blow over, but your partner should probably agree with you on important political/financial/social issues (or at least have compatible ideologies) or else there's inevitably going to be controversy/drama in the relationship, sooner or later.

No. 98296

>>98295
I think it's really sad that people are seeing someone with no social media as a red flag. My own bf barely gets on his (to the point where he might as well not even have it). Some people just doesn't like social media, that's not a red flag at all. People are way too attached to the internet anyway.

No. 98298

>>98296
it's not the amount of use that they put into it, but it's weird, in this day and age, when someone has zero online presence at all. all my social media accounts are pretty much completely inactive but they still exist.

No. 98299

>>98298
I mean maybe the person just doesn't like the internet lol that's not weird.

No. 98305

>>98296
yeah its fucking weird. so what if someone doesn't have social media or gets rid of it? they probably still use the internet. it's not like they're trying to hide something. i mean, unless it's obvious.

My bf got rid of his Facebook because he doesn't socialize with many people anymore after getting out of college since he's busy being a full time employee. he's still got friends but they text, it's not hard to keep up with friends without a social media profile. he just likes watching youtube videos, he's not trying to be an internet personality. if he wants to check facebook or twitter he looks at my timeline since we have the same interests.

No. 98308

>>98296
I'd think a partner not using social media would be a good thing?

No. 98311

>>98298
If anything a huge social media presence is a red flag to me. People who are willing to put all their info out there on multiple platforms and check them obsessively is clearly not compatible with a private person like myself.

No. 98313

>>98296
i agree. private people just don't care enough to put themselves out there and that's fine. it's a plus if i can find a man/woman who's not a loudmouth that has to post everything for everyone to see and im a lot more weary of these sorts of people than someone…gasp! not caring enough to attention whore and air their lives, details and dirty laundry about!?!?

No. 98317

>>98313
people who think lack of social media is a red flag are just mad because they can't obsessively stalk someone's past or who they talk to through it lol.

No. 98320

>>97785
obvious troll

No. 98323

>>98317
Ikr. Imagine these weird, whiny babies living in the 80s. O what will they do

No. 98454

>>80076
>He "jokingly" makes fun of you or something important to you and is offended when your feelings get hurt. Instead of "Sorry, I didn't mean it" he says "Come on, it's just a joke".

THIS. I overlooked this red flag and he ended up physically abusing me because he thought it was funny. When I brought up how it hurt me he got really upset and wouldn't talk to me. DON'T OVERLOOK IT.

No. 98501


>acts like you're being dramatic when you express your needs in the relationship

>mental issues but refuses to go to therapy
>doesn't take your advice
>friends with your ex
>defends rapists

>moves too fast, you meet, you're his 'soulmate' and suddenly you're living together like wow how'd that happen

>pushes you into fetishes you aren't comfortable with
>Research Chemicals
>yells, makes you feel bad
>doesn't keep contact with any of his school or childhood friends
>tries too hard to be friends with your friends
>'internet famous'
>lack of empathy not due to autism
>hits you. not even once
>"i'm so sick, i need you to take care of my cancer/diabetes/etc, or i will surely die, cough cough"

also, unpopular opinion, but if a guy isn't at least amicable with most of his ex's, i'd see that as a red flag… they probably hate him for a reason.

No. 98682

>overshares within days of meeting you (normally to create a bond or relationship sooner but also can be to get you to give up information he can later use against you)
>anyone who admits they're afraid theyre going to die alone as their biggest fear
>anyone who mentions theyve been cheated on especially when its not brought up, normally means theyll be paranoid
>never says hes sorry
>"No one else will ever…(put up with hobbies, love you as much as i will, etc)"
>attempts suicide when you try to break up with him
>sends suicidal messages to all your friends but not his
>"i only share nudes from girls i dont respect"= this will be you, when you guys break up
>"girls with tattoos/piercings are unrespectable/unmarriable/ only good for rough pump and dumps" even if these things dont apply to you, hell come up with something later on against you
>pressures you to do everything/anything constantly
>gets upset when you do anything with anyone/arent constantly texting him
>wont stop when youre finished "because i want you to keep cumming/you just give up too easily"
>"i dont like condoms"
>pressures you to move to his city/area because he hates where you live when he lives in a bad or poor area
>"girls can never be strong (mentally)"&"i just have a strict definition of that word" when you use it to describe yourself after going through things (parents passed away, no grandparents, little relationship with extended family)
>never asks you how interviews, first days, classes were but gets mad when you dont ask about the anime/game he was watching or playing
>puts you down constantly especially when aware youre dealing with depression and anxiety and its an exceptionally bad day.
>when you break up or fight and avoid sayign anything negative about him or anything petty he still hits you were it hurts and makes sure to mention your insecurties
>"so and so was right, you are a slut/only want attention" when he originally made all the effort, started oversharing to form the initial bong and declared you guys as together despite not really being as interested.
>acts entitled to your love/affection/sex because he "loves" you
>talks about how all these girls fawn over him but theyre all trash
>admits his only relationship was mostly him taking advantage of a girl (disabled)
>routinely/only pays for (STD tested) escorts because
>has a rape charge (clear red flag but i knew others who got fucked over when girls got outted for being in a gangbang and then submitted rape charges for all the guys in the group, his story was similar)

No. 98683

>>98682
>natsoc
>daddy issues/dad left when young
>family of alcoholics; drinks and smokes himself, also uses drugs
>insecure

Also, i am in a few fitness communities. 90% of guys in them are incredibly insecure. Most are very delusional about girls (fuck boys who want to settle down with a religious virgin with no tattoos or "degenerate" habits/signs later on but fuck as a many thots now but will bitch about how degenerate girls are now a days), have bad body dismorphia (best case scenario) or are just legit insane and improve body/looks to attract girls.

No. 98688

>>98045
My best friend is like this and honestly i can't stand his ass anymore, he can be really cool but jesus christ he can be a huge manipulative dickhead, crybaby, lying piece of dirt, damn.

No. 98692

I fucked up big time. Wasted almost 10 years on this fucker.

>intimate relationship with 18 yo self even though he’s mid-late 20’s because “idc it’s legal”

>obsession with (then) underaged stars like Ellen Paige and Emma Watson
>military
>thinks it’s okay to marry (and marries) an 18 yo high school graduate who just started her new job and has zero life experience
>proceeds to groom 18 yo self
>size 2, but he calls you fat and grabs perceived “flab”— when he met you last year, you still had the body of a child
>compares you to exes constantly, especially those with big breasts or those that are successful in life
>fantasizes about other girls during sex
>obvious non-con fetish
>doesn’t care if he injures you during sex
>never shuts up about fuckbuddies and fwb he’s still in contact with that were super experienced
>girls have sex with more than one guy or give birth means they have loose vaginas
>wears Monster/Rockstar merch
>gun fanatic
>lifted trucks and off-road vehicles only
>expects a cut of your paycheck under guise that you owe him
>convinced you to quit your job so you can stay home and be a wifey
>gets mad at you for quitting job
>always tells you to stand up for yourself and then gets mad and blames you for getting fired over not letting manager unfairly yell at you and call you an incompetent idiot in front of customers while getting paid $7/hr part time
>no color allowed in house besides brown, black, blue, and red
>says none of your friends are attractive enough
>polygamy supporter (only for men with several wives)
>every potential female friend is a potential 3-way and it’s ok bc “you’re bi so you must want to, right?”
>violent temper, consistently destroys your personal belongings in rage
>uses every mistake in the history of your life against you in argument
>calls you lazy, bum, fat ass, basement dweller, threatens to tell your family you’re a worthless failure
>gaslights you into believing you’re clinically insane, threatens to admit you but refuses to get you help
>calls you crazy and dangerous for having a meltdown when he argues in circles with you until you don’t know which way is up
>reminds you of every mistake you’ve ever made, including small shit like not rinsing the plate before putting it in the sink
>threatens separation for leverage
>horribly obsessed with anal sex
>thinks it’s normal to get you drunk so he can easily take advantage of you
>reveals that only goal in life is to retire early and manage a store after failing to groom you to be a successful, money-making trophy wife
>”I can because I earned it, you earned nothing in life because you haven’t even made an effort.”
>you can’t buy yourself anything, your money is for him

I don’t even know if I did this right… God, the list goes from red flags to blatant abuse that I never took to authority for fear of retaliation. Took me too long to leave the sick fuck.

No. 98696

When he tries too hard to act like "the man" and severely overestimates his pull in the relationship while downplaying your contributions.
Ingratitude in general I suppose?

It gets worse when they succeed in brainwashing women into believing they really don't do shit when they are.

No. 98716

>>98317
>>98323

>be me

>move to new city, going on tinder dates
>meet a guy who seems perfect, good-looking, great job, intellectual
>google his name
>everything is completely fake
>the company he claims to work for doesn't exist
>he's listed on linked-in as being four years younger than he said he is
>facebook has pictures of him with at least have a dozen other women

doing your research on your partners these days is honestly just common sense. in the 80's people relied on word-of-mouth to do the same thing.

No. 98736

>Showers you with compliments, moves too quickly, talks about getting serious when the relationship is very new, slowly and gradually starts talking to you less and less, initiating less and less, treating you worse and worse until the actual abuse starts
>makes negative comments on your appearance
>withholding emotional support in times of need
>always doing what he wants, never what you want to do
>never confirms plans, everything is last minute,keeps you waiting,cancels at the last minute
>constantly puts friends/video games/whatever else in front of you
>always talking about himself, how amazing he is
>coercing you into an open relationship
>constant negative jokes about your abilities/looks, mocking you in front of other people
>always talks down on you like you're a child who doesn't know how to do anything/have no life experience
>doesn't tell you he loves you even after months and months of being together
>constantly expects sex whenever he wants it
>doesn't want to meet your friends
>his problems matter, yours don't
>if you bring up an issue about him/the relationship, turning it on you and you find yourself apologizing for something he did
>making you cry by doing insensitive shit and acting like you're being childish
>gets angry fast, and for minuscule things, takes his anger out of you
>doesn't have his life together, still living with parents, college dropout, no job etc etc
>being way too into drugs and partying
>having a shady past
>TONS of female friends (some of them obviously has crushes on him)

No. 98740

>>98283
I have a very committed boyfriend. It's funny how upset everyone got, looks like this board is full of clingers.

No. 98749

>>98740
you're autistic and likely being cheated on.

it's called being over 18.

No. 98756

>>98749
How young do you think they are to think adults only talk to their spouses once or twice a week? It’s more like they have never interacted with normal people.

No. 98833

>>77084
I think 3 months can be a bit soon. After 6 months to a year is normal I think

No. 98834

>>77101
>No public social media accounts (easy to analyze true character)
I'd view that as a positive honestly

No. 98836

>>98756
NTA, but I can see her being young. It kind of seems like a standard high school idea to think that no-marriage adult relationships are just living alone and not talking other than when on romantic dates.

No. 98880

>>98836
That’s so depressing. Most people talk to their friends and pets more often than anon talks to this ‘committed boyfriend’. Maybe they’re from some culture that does arranged marriages or extreme chaperoning so they don’t know that humans actually enjoy spending time with their spouses as opposed to showing up every few weeks for the scheduled fuck and ‘how do you do’ before being sent off again.
Why do kids always think that maturity looks like absurd stoicism?

No. 98896

>>98716
>using tinder to find a meaningful relationship

found your problem

No. 98909

>>98896
I can’t find a serious partner on this app for casual sex. What is wrong with the world? We live in a society!

Tbh a lot of posters here seem like bullets dodged.

No. 107723

>Not letting you meet his friends and/or making excuses as to why you can't meet them

No. 107743

>Talks about how they're better than everyone (AKA how they're a god etc)
>trash talks about other people
>always comes up with the most convincing answers and reasons (the truth is that they're lying)
>sidesteps your question with a joke and without fail, makes you laugh and forget what you were thinking about earlier
>insists that you're "twin flames" blech

and

>encourages you to think that you're actually twin flames when it's a bunch of bull

No. 108066

well, i've read through most of this thread even though i don't really think i needed to. my current bf has quite a few of these traits, and i know i fucked up. i've been with this guy for five years, and we just bought a house (he did) and moved in together.

he's really nice, charismatic, and is great with people. but jesus. there's just a ton of red flags, and i'm starting to realize just how lazy he is. the worst part? i've been trying to convince myself for the past three or so years that it was going to work. he's my first partner and we started dating when i was 18 (i am 23 now), so i'm the idiot. i wanted to break up with him the year after we started dating, and for some reason i never did. joke's on me.

anyway, sorry for the vent, but it made me feel better. i don't see a way out of this right now so i'm a little scared.

No. 108067

File: 1550035969006.jpg (40.1 KB, 798x798, 1548207928458.jpg)

>>108066
>bf (not husband)
>bought a house
not to rub salt, but jfc anon

No. 108069

>>108066
Anon, who owns the house on the deed and did you put money toward the downpayment? If only him, but you paid downpayment too, check in with a lawyer and see if you qualify under common law relationships, and you may be entitled to that half of the property or something. Protect your assets and check in with some legal assistance. You may not be in a hopeless case. Check your rights

>>107743
>always comes up with the most convincing answers and reasons (the truth is that they're lying)

Eh but how can you tell since it's convincing? Until you find something that tips you off to shady shit, you can't really tell lol.

No. 108072

>>108067
lmao please hold me, i am that scared kitten lol. i am afraid of marriage, i have low self-esteem and i don't think anyone should ever be stuck with me. he bought the house because he wanted to move me out of my previous living situation while i attend grad school. he was very excited about it, which makes me feel awful.

>>108069
he owns the house. i did not contribute any money toward the down payment, as i'm currently a poor grad student. i want to clarify - he's not a bad person and i don't think he would try to take anything i own if we were to break up. i would be willing to move out. but i feel terrible for falling out of love with him. he's very devoted, but in an extremely clingy way.

thank you both for responding. have a good night.

No. 108076

>>108072
Anon, you need to break up with him. You fell out of love with him 4 years ago, don't waste any more time

No. 108188

File: 1550117292476.jpeg (62.73 KB, 612x612, EC922A04-C921-4B2A-999D-007E11…)

>Finally realized at the beginning of 2019 that I had been in a toxic relationship for 2.5 years and left only to realize I’m the source of all my awful interactions with men but I (you) still don’t have to subject yourself to emotional abuse

Red flags:
>Isolation from friends
>control over daily routine
>trying to get really personal information early on about your childhood past traumas etc etc
>general discomfort, such as I was always nervous something in our apartment would be off and I would get a tongue lashing for it

Leaving this guy was the best thing I’ve ever done but he keeps coming back and I’m not sure what to do it’s such a mess help me anons.

No. 108191

>>108188
>general discomfort, such as I was always nervous something in our apartment would be off and I would get a tongue lashing for it
Fuck, I feel this. I am always so on edge. “Did I do x, did I hang up y, etc…”
I excuse it because I think he’s helped me to become a lot more considerate and mindful of things, but I always feel like there’s something I’ve done wrong.

No. 108195

>>98736
Some of these are really hitting home for me. Damn.

No. 108239

>>108188
In which way does he keep "coming back"? I hope he didn't turn into some creepy stalker?

The only way to get over him is cease all contact and communication. With some exes, being friends after breaking up is simply not meant to happen. And that's ok. It sounds like he's using every opportunity to try to get back with you. You need to put a stop to it.

No. 108643

>>108076
Don't be too hasty. They've bought a house together, probably going to get married, and have been together for the last five years. A lot of things are on the line.

>>108072, what red flags does he have?

No. 108717

>>108069
For every question I asked, they seem to know how to answer it in a way my curiosity will be satisfied, but not necessarily answered with the truth for ex: I asked them if they were talking to someone they told me they never talk to because reasons, but then they say that that someone talked to them first combined with whatever bullshit reasons they think the person talked to them for. But when I asked the other person, turns out it was a lie and it contradicted what was said to me first. The lies that I was fed with gets broken easily when you ask other people and think about it carefully.

No. 108720

>>108717
Sounds like a pathological liar. Are "they" a sociopath? 'Cuz I dealt with one and experienced the same thing

No. 108721

>>108069
Anon, I think what they're saying is that when they tell them anon their reasons, it's always convincing that it's suspicious and they realized they were lied to all along

No. 110956

File: 1552169080294.jpg (108.89 KB, 640x479, JiminyCricket.jpg)

In my opinion, the ultimate Red Flag is your conscience.

I've realized that I tend to involve myself with shitty people, even when there's an inner voice who tells me that they seem suspicious or shady.
But because they were nice to me at first, I dismised those thoughts with excuses (like "he has similar hobbies/opinions/likes to other shitty guys, but I'm sure he's different").

My advice is to listen to your conscience. Don't feel bad for having prejudices against someone who presents themselves as "nice". Doesn't matter if it is online or in real life. Jiminy Cricket tends to be right almost always.

PS: By the way, I find it really funny, but when it happens the opposite (having bad prejudices against a person at first hand) I tend to be wrong about those people and find myself getting along pretty well with them.

I guess I can't trust my outer voice.

No. 111044

Bed death. Whatever the reason, if you have a sex drive and your partner doesn't, or is uncomfortable initiating, eventually there will be trouble. Unless you decide to cheat. Which is its own shit. Telling the partner you'd like to try an open relationship since they're not interested in sex might be a better idea? No clue, really.

Drug use is the other one. Even the most seasoned party/casual user will end up acting like a degenerate junkie and it will get bad. Having people you care about turn into OD'ing thieves is rough as hell. If they get clean of course the friendship can get back on track as long as you can forgive, sometimes it's hard, though.

People who won't allow you to set boundaries. If they don't let you have your space, eventually they're going to start making demands that get more and more extreme while you feel more and more put upon. It's a shit way to be and women fall into this a lot because we're socialized to be conflict avoidant. People who don't like you setting boundaries are insidious and damaging as hell. IME most of them are narcissists.

No. 111046

is "polyamorous"
This tends to mean, "I will ignore any boundaries I grudgingly agree to set and will cheat on you whenever I need my ego/peen stroked"

No. 111079

>drinks too much
>buddies aren't actual buddies but just drinking/drug buddies
>D R U G S
>poor hygiene that he'll try to excuse as part of his aesthetic
>hates special snowflakes but YOU'RE NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS,ANON
>compares you to other girls
>bombards you with sex talk and his stupid kinks(e.g. lolis and incest) even though you've already mentioned you've known each other for a little while and you've said you're sexually inexperienced/uninterested
>lame excuse for not going out with you
>poor spending habits
>anger issues
>obsessed with internet culture

anons,i will never find love

No. 111086

>>111079
Anon, it seems to me you’re trying to date teen 4 channers.

No. 111094

>>89744
>lives at home

guess I'll go date some dirt-ridden homeless guy

No. 111100

>drinks starbucks
>is a leftist / socialist
>dislikes trump

No. 111126

>>111100
Go back to the_donald pls.

No. 111132

>>111100
Poor you

No. 111146

>>98736
>never confirms plans, everything is last minute,keeps you waiting,cancels at the last minute
This is a huge fucking red flag girls, it's such a shitty manipulation/power abuse tactic. He's taking control over your time and mental resources by making you stress over your plans.

>TONS of female friends (some of them obviously has crushes on him)

This too, I generally have no problem with a man having female friends but there are times when you KNOW some of them have a crush on him and are constantly on the lookout to strike. It's usually when you meet these female friends and they stare daggers at you that you realize what's up. He acts like he doesn't even realize when he's fully aware of it and enjoys the situation, he's probably talking shit about you to these girls too.

>doesn't want to meet your friends

This happens a lot in abusive relationships, does anyone know the psychology behind it? They don't want to see that other people besides him might be meaningful to you?

No. 111157

>>111146
>does anyone know the psychology behind it?

Abusive men generally aim to isolate you from friends and family in order to gain control. They are irrelevant to him other than the need to get rid of them, plus refusing to meet sends the message to the victim that the friends/family are somehow inferior or unworthy

No. 111177

>>111126
No

>>111132
Sorry for having standards

No. 111178

>>111177
please go rejoin your fascist sisters on cc.

No. 111182

>be me, girl
>in highly technical field
>this guy in one of my classes seemed to have overlapping intellectual interests
>he interrupts everyone incl. very decorated experts, is a terrible listener and makes it clear he doesn't listen to you, especially if you're a girl
>in retrospect, very entitled
>befriend him nonetheless because, like all abusers, he was charming at first
>we hang out over the course of a few months
>he keeps making racist jokes, spends all day arguing on facebook
>talks down to me and assumes i don't know shit about our field, chronic mansplainer (despite the fact that i'm far more experienced intellectually with what we're doing)
>strangers comment on how badly he treats people, nobody can stand him but they make excuses because he's a man
>i start lending him shit that he never returns (still hasn't, one thing was expensive)
>meet his gf one day, same time i started noticing that he literally yells at his mom and treats her like shit
>she's extremely pretty and brilliant but is obviously insecure and cagey around me and i can't figure out why, gets nervous when i compliment her, won't let me befriend her easily
>badgutfeeling.jpg
>we got in an argument about something related to our field but he starts taking his condescension to a new level, belittles me, gaslights me and twists my words and generally tries to one-up me. all conversations were about him "winning"
>figure that he's threatened by me (because intellect is a competition for him, like everything) and start avoiding him, read flags are too much to ignore at this point
>avoid him for months, make excuses, make it clear i'm not interested in being close to him
>he starts randomly messaging me weird negs concerning my intellectual ability and my interests
>starts arguments in professional settings and tries to make me look like i don't know what i'm talking about by wincing whenever i say anything, laughing out loud and speaking with a condescending tone..in front of others
>fuckno.jpg
>finally tell him to not talk to me until he learns respect
>fast forward to a few months ago
>turns out he was sexually, verbally and emotionally abusing his now ex gf and some other people the whole time
>he's moved on to this one girl who joins him in belittling others because she has self-loathing issues
>he's going to move again soon


Men are the worst. Always be vigilant when men belittle you. It's about control and they usually feel threatened by bright women, prompting them to tear them down so they can feel superior. Also the constant moving is a big one, very consistent across abusers. They shouldn't shit where they eat.
Establish firm boundaries. The ONLY reason he didn't try to sexually predate on me or go further is that I was in a committed relationship the whole time and I made it clear that I 100% wasn't interested, and also that my boyfriend would rightfully kick his ass. Abusive men like this don't care about your feelings or about you as an individual, only as mirrors and validation machines. I could have been raped or something. Scary shit

No. 111207

>>111182
You've painted this guy to be such a complete piece of shit that for a second I thought you were just a typical robot trying to troll us by describing himself

No. 111210

>>111079
I nearly went out with a guy like this in my first year of college. It sounds like a joke but unfortunately these dudes very much exist.
>drinking and drugs is only hobby, has no actual friends outside of mates to get high with.
>edgy meme shit is only personality trait, openly talks about 4chan
>talks way too much about edgy kink shit, hard to tell if joking or serious
>"you're not like other girls" "I don't usually connect or make friends with other girls"

Also specific to him, or maybe not
>"other girls aren't usually into the same things as me like you are anon" despite having a very shallow interest in said things and clearly not having a clue what he's talking about. Usually specific anime, games, bands etc.
>spends too much money on alcohol and drugs, brags about it
>On endless gap year, living at home working fast food jobs to fund drug habit and refuses to go to college, travel etc. Doesn't have any interests, skills or passions because all time is spent partying and being ~ oh so edgy meme lord~
>Posessive and needy, can't go a few days without talking despite not being in relationship. During finals week I didn't respond to some cringey meme post for 3 days tops and he got hostile. Even had the mutual friend who introduced us interrogate me as if I had done something wrong. It was her finals week too, she knew why I didn't have time to talk to him and had told him several times that we were really busy with exams yet he still pushed for her to confront me.

Unrelated but needed for context; After rejecting him I ended up coming out as a lesbian to my friends which was something I was struggling with for months. I hadn't talked to him for a while by that point but had assumed our mutual friend had told him because he stopped continually messaging me almost immediately after I told her. Then months later out of the blue he starts messaging me through her account, pretending to be her in order to 'break the ice' and decided asking me out again was a good idea. I shut it down, telling him my reasons and almost immediately upon rejection he started going on about his furry fantasies. Haven't spoken to him since. I sincerely wish I was making this shit up.

No. 111212

>>111182
LMAO you dumb stinkin' cunt

not only is he smarter than you, he doesn't want to rape you either (no one does), and i'm pretty sure he could beat your bf's ass

inb4 "omg you must be him"(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 111213

>>111212
I suggest examining yourself if this struck a chord with you, robot. This happened a while ago.

>>111207
It's already habbening

No. 111214

>>111213 (me)
Doubleposting, but…N*ah if that is you rot in hell please. Thanks!

No. 111215

>>111212
>he doesn't want to rape you either (no one does)
god could you imagine a world where this was true

No. 111219

>>111212
Go away you piece of shit.

No. 111250

>>111219
I don't feel like it.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 111278

>>111215
Ikr,implying that it's a bad thing. Fucking men. This is not an insult, it's a compliment.

No. 111294

I wanted to double check how many red flags I have, I'm far too clingy, I overshare, super insecure about myself, and I text too much. My boyfriend hasn't said anything but I still worry.
Should I straight up ask or is that contributing to my insecurity issue even more?

No. 111303

>>111294
Anon, are you 14? These aren't terrible issues. You're not abusing him or talking negatively about him to his face or behind his back.

No. 111313

>>111303
I'm 20 but this is my first bf, I want to make sure I'm not doing something abusive w/o realizing it.

No. 111314

>>111294
>>111313
Obviously none of these behaviors are abusive, more so being clingy and lacking a sense of firm boundaries. You actually sound susceptible to codependency and being abused yourself.

No. 111319

>>111314
Ime, it's dangerous to be a girl and constantly questioning if you're abusive yourself. It's probably a sign that you're not if you are constantly looking out for these signs and leaves you susceptible to abuse

No. 111321

>>111319
Sage for doublepost, but I mean that some dude who gets with you could leverage your fear of being abusive and pick out normal behaviors that don't really signify anything bad on their own (irritation, oversharing, not having firm boundaries) as abusive and use it to control you. Been there. It's only abusive if you're consciously attempting to isolate your boyfriend from all of his friends and making him feel guilty on purpose by being clingy or like threatening self-harm or something i.e. forcing him into a situation of being codependent on YOU as well, and it does not sound like you are doing that.

No. 111388

>>111294

Unless your insecurity and clinginess turns into possessive and controling it is not that bad. You should still work on minimizing it though for a healthy relationship. I had a long in depth talk with my bf and it was the best thing I could have done. Try to really describe your feelings and thinking so he can understand and you can work together. Since he hasn't said anything yet this gives him the chance to voice his own concerns. I found discussing insecurities with my bf helped a lot. Only works if you don't get mad at him for his honest opinions though.

No. 111560

>spends a lot of time on image boards
>is a MGTOW
>is an incel
>is part of TRP

basically, if they have a connection to the manosphere, run for the fucking hills. These dudes are grade-A abusers and use their ideologies to justify their horrible treatment of women.

No. 113853

>"but what would my parents think about -insert x here-???"
>"you shouldn't wear that."
>provoking you to get angry, and when you finally snap: "i was testing you and you failed"
>"send selfies to prove you are where you are"
>constantly hangs out with groups of people you don't know, but pitches a fit when you want to see a friend
>"you never do anything for me"
>huffy silent treatments
>obvious pickup/manipulation tactics in the beginning: asking you to do lots of favors early on, leaving things in your car/at your home to make it so you need to talk to him again, etc
>telling lies about things that actually happened and making you doubt your reality

i guess these are pretty specific to abusive relationships but i was too stupid to identify these as horrible early on. please love yourself farmers

No. 113854

>>113853
>"i was testing you and you failed"
It makes my blood run cold when anons post about this kind of thing from their partners, it's so genuinely terrifying. I only ever heard someone say something like that once, or was a manipulative female friend and I stopped going to her house afterwards
There needs to be a agreement that the moment anyone says anything like that, or tries to use it as an excuse to go back on something they did themselves, that person needs to be thrown into the garbage

No. 113869

>"I don't like chicken with bone"
>"Do you want me to separate the meat from the bone?"
>"yes thx"

I was so fucking blind and he dared to say the HE felt like a parent.

No. 113871

>>113869
I'm sorry anon because I'm sure things got worse given this is a "red flag," but I laughed.

No. 113888

>>113871

Me too. I can just picture it.



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