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/g/ - girl talk

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No. 115426

In need of advice? Post here!

Last thread: >>87009

No. 115440

Am I being silly for walking away from a friendship mainly because the other person doesn't always talk to me consistently? He's one of my only friends but he goes on these long stints occasionally where he'll forget about me. Normally I'd try to reach out but to me, that's like begging and I'd rather not lower myself to that. He's also been going out a lot, meeting new people and making new friends where as with me I'm not that extroverted and generally keep to myself and the few people I'm comfortable with. So knowing he's going out and doing that, is it childish of me to be upset? There's also emotions involved that I've tried to distance myself from before. This guy is/was aware of them, tried to make a few passes, but it's not on the same mutual level. He still tries to cross-the-line with me sometimes, which annoys me and also furthers this desire to distance myself.

No. 115441

If they aren't giving you effort you shouldn't give them any back!
There's no issue with that, as an adult you can decide who you want to surround yourself with for whatever reason. The same goes for him. I would like to say, talking consistently isn't my strong suit either and this led to someone controlling me by constantly wanting to talk and getting emotional if I didn't so I had to cut ties for the opposite reason. It's just not my thing and maybe it's not his, especially if he is branching out and experiencing new things, he'll be busier.
Id say its fine to cut ties if that's what you want but you should not worry about it too much and focus on those who give you effort.

No. 115451

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I'm going to move to Japan in 4 months. Despite this being my weeb dream since i was 9 years old, now its actually happening I feel nothing but worry and fear of being alone and leaving my friends and family behind.

I'm not even the type of person who is constantly surrounded by others;I generally prefer alone time and I moved out years ago. I've been to Japan before and I am 100% certain this is what I want; but the worry of moving to another country is daunting to me.

Does anyone know actually watchable Jvloggers, cool japan videos, books, games, manga, anime, ANYTHING that can help me get over this anxiety and remind me how much I actually want to go?

I have a lot of problems finding Jvloggers I actually like because they're either unbearable or like Taylor R where you just see her face the entire time and does nothing exciting.

And if anyone has any advice for moving to another country, I would appreciate it. I am going to be studying there for years, so that makes it even more anxiety inducing.

No. 115452

I mean I think it's important to remember that Japan is just a country with people and society like anywhere else. Humans are not so different from each other in the grand scheme of things. Try to dial back the romanticization and you'll realize that it's just like anywhere else.

No. 115453

Well, no, that's not really the problem. I don't expect it to be like an anime or something; again, I have been before.

My problem is I'm dealing with a lot of worry/anxiety from moving to a different country, and as a consequence I can only think of the negatives of the move.
I mentioned it was Japan because I wanted a specific type of media to help calm my anxiety about moving and hopefully replace the negative feelings my brain is forcing on me with positive ones.

No. 115457

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Aw anon, reading this reminded me a lot of myself. I recently moved to a foreign country for uni (and I plan to stay here for work) and I can totally relate to the anxiety you're feeling. At first when I was still home, I was so excited to move, but as my actual flight crept closer and closer my anxiety completely consumed me. During the flight landing I remember trying not to have a breakdown on the plane because I was just staring out the window looking at this foreign city thinking, "How the fuck is this happening? What the fuck did I get myself into? Can I really do this?"

I can't give you any advice about Japan specifically as I moved to a European country, but please don't worry too much, I'm sure you'll be fine. I won't lie, at first it's gonna be scary and overwhelming, but you just gotta push through because it'll be worth it once you settle in. Honestly moving to a new country really helped me learn to deal with my anxiety and insecurities; I've made such a fucking fool out of myself so many times that now I've just learned to laugh at myself and move on. And I bet Japanese natives would go easy on an obvious foreigner who's doing their best to adapt to a new culture, so don't even worry about that.

If you want to comfort yourself, go back to where this all started. What made your 9 year old self fall in love with Japan? Indulge yourself in nostalgia, go back and relish in every corny old anime and manga series you loved when you were younger, and imagine telling your child self that you're about to move to Japan. I bet she'd be fucking stoked, right?
A personal anecdote: I remember shortly before I left I was randomly scrolling through my ancient deviantart account for shits and giggles. I made the account when I was 11. I was looking at my cringy journal entries and I found a questionnaire I filled out, and one of the things I said on there was, "I really really really want to move to (country I live in now) when I'm an adult!" I got so fucking choked up when I read that. I didn't even remember wanting to move here when I was that age, and it was fucking nuts to me that I was actually going to live there now. It oddly comforted me, like I was making my dweeby loser 11 year old self happy.

Sorry for this absolute word vomit that probably made no sense, but I hope you can alleviate some of your worries and enjoy your new life in Japan. Seriously, you're going to have a fucking blast, I promise you. Best of luck anon, I'm rooting for you!

No. 115458

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Anon, thank you so much for this reply. I don't mean to be all soppy but this really helped a lot to read, it's really comforting to know that I'm not the only one, and things will get better.

No. 115462

File: 1558722224907.jpg (40.14 KB, 474x442, 3312955.jpg)

Anon, if I did not know better I would say I wrote that post. (& you are so nice)

I moved to a European country to study last August. The last weeks before leaving and the first months living here were very overwhelming, even though I already knew the country and was sure of my decision. I had so many anxieties and lived in so much stress thinking something would happen to my family or to me, that I was not prepared to live on my own, etc. Now I've settled down and am doing good, missing my mom but she is coming to visit me soon so that's okay. I would not like to go back and plan will stay here to work, too.

>>115451 go and live your dreams.
Truth is, there's nothing that can prepare for you actually moving.

What is happening soon was so anticipated by you, but at the same time, the future is completely out of your control and that is a very normal reason to be anxious.

To me, it seemed like I wanted this forever and all of a sudden it was there and I was NOT ready. But really, you are never ready - the experience of moving abroad is something that will change you, and you can't know how. Just be open-minded and let it come to you.

That said, try to control your anxiety so you can have a good time before going. Also, do things that you will cherish when you are in Japan and missing home. I would suggest spending time with your family and friends but also eating your favorite foods from where you're from, etc. Try to keep occupied and not so focused on what will happen, like I said, you can't know how it's gonna be, so just let it come to you. Just know that you'll survive and you will be fine, discover new things, have fun, and grow a lot from it. Sometimes it's going to be fucking rough but that's part of it, and that's ok too.

You're very brave anon, I'd love to get to know Japan someday. Good luck!

No. 115664

My boyfriend has a roommate whose gf is over all the time. I liked the gf at first and was excited to have another girl around to hang out with. She clearly gets high on male attention, though, and we don’t click all that well.

Even though she’s a tease with all her bf’s friends and does shit like chairdancing in a bikini or walking INTO my boyfriend’s bedroom without various articles of clothes on, I know nothing will happen. She doesn’t want to actually be known as the girl who sleeps around/cheats.

That said, there is this weird primal feeling I get that makes her general presence to me stressful as fuck. I think specifically because she’s in his living space so much. I can’t rationalize it away. I have nightmares all the time where my boyfriend is cheating on me with her or she does some weird stuff to steal him away. I will never act on this feeling. I’ve told him how she makes me feel, and he said he wishes his roommate would break up with her. Yet that stress does not go away for me.

Part of me wishes I could tell her that all this creates anxiety for me, but I don’t think there’s a good way to do that. I’m just not sure.

No. 115667

I'm in southern USA and moving into my partner's place in Belfast, NI fairly soon, between late June and early July (still narrowing tickets/prices down.) Does anyone have any advice for getting rid of material possessions quickly and efficiently, while still keeping necessities? He's got a bed, hygiene products, appliances, utilities, and all of the needed basic stuff (and has offered to share his clothes with me as well) since he knows I don't have the money or space to bring a bunch of luggage with me. I'd like to get rid of clothing specifically since that's what I have the most of. I have far too much and despite loving what I buy, I know there's no way I could or should bring all of it with me.

How do y'all go through clothing and decide what you do or don't like? Anyone had to do a quick major cleanout before?

No. 115681

For what I seem to understand, you're not living with your boyfriend.
If you don't want to confront her directly, the easiest way is talking to your bf into asking her not to come in his room without prior asking and not letting her in that often. It's not much, but it can help…
I don't know about where you live, but here we are kind of private among roommates and is not normal entering other people's room if not directly invited, so it is usually understandable if you ask someone else not to come in.

No. 115684

Maybe ask a friend to come over and help you.
Be practical. First make a list of what you need ie: 1 dress, 3 t-shirts, 3 tanks, etc. And remember it's summer there, so you can thrift new winter clothes when you're there.

No. 115692

It sounds like you two are on the same page about it. Men have boundaries too, like imagine if the situation was reversed and it was a guy walking into your room half naked. Your feelings are valid, and you're probably dwelling on it because you feel powerless about it.

I would pressure him to talk to his roommate man-to-man and explain the situation. "Bro, the way your GF is acting is making mine jealous, and it's causing problems in my relationship. Can she not."

Don't try to out-hoe her, or turn it into a competition, just make it clear that her acting that way isn't acceptable and get everyone involved on the same page about it, and hopefully she'll change her behavior without too much drama, or find someone else to hit on.

No. 115727

Go full Machiavelli. Befriend her enough to make her think you respect her and gain her trust, wait for the dirt to become exposed. She'll fuck up eventually, and then you can use this to help break them up and get some peace and quiet.

No. 115732

I desperately want to go on a holiday overseas with my gf this december but i can only save max $50 a week. any tips on how to make more money? im a full time student and i work a part time job. for a whole week, i make about $300. id love to sell feet pics or some shit cuz ive heard its easy money but idk how to even get into that

No. 115742

You shouldn't go on holidays until you can actually afford it, aka have savings and a decent job and dont need sell foot pictures. At least set a more reasonable goal, like a weekend away within driving distance.

No. 115749

Any daughters of narcissists who can help me out?
I've been as "no contact" as possible for the past couple years, but my siblings still rely on him financially so I pretty much have to see him twice a year for their sake. The next time I'll see him is coming up. I know he's going to make it awkward and whine about how I hate him and I'm going to have to reassure him I don't while also turning down any invitations for future meetings. I'm really bad at lying. How do I navigate this? Are there good excuses for not returning texts/calls?

No. 115773

Late response but I wanted to thank you for your message. I do definitely feel like I'm focusing too much on this - trying to find other things to look at is actually highlighting the other, far more worrisome areas of my life that I've been avoiding… I'm going to try and tackle those instead. He's tried to explain to me before that he goes through phases where he loses contact. I suppose that's just how he is, but I'm afraid I can't tolerate it so casually like him. I'll try to explain with him next time we talk (if ever) how much I value consistency but for the time being I'm going to keep trying to distance myself. It'd mean a lot if he showed more effort in trying to sustaining contact but as the way things are going now, I don't think I can keep this up. It's too emotionally draining. Something needs to change.

No. 115810

i cant find the plastic surgery thread, i hope its ok to ask it here.

does anyone have any experiences with under eye fillers? I have extremely hollow tear throughs and ive always had them, even as a young child. they are like giant craters under my eyes, and i also sometimes have eczema around my eyes and dry skin which makes it look worse, but obviously this is easier to control. people constantly make remarks about how i always look tired, even if ive slept a lot the night before. some boys at my school when i was about 12 always made remarks about how i look like a drug addict. i want to get rid of them really bad, even though my family keeps on telling me that i shouldnt.

i think they make my face look markedly uglier, and thats saying something since the rest of my face isnt that attractive either. if i try to cover them up with my hands or photoshop them out, i feel like i look a lot better. i know a doctor in my city who does them, i think she does restylane (sp?) fillers. has anyone else got them before, and was it worth it?

No. 115829

I'm keeping my boyfriend awake with my teeth grinding. I do have a bruxism guard (both cheap and custom) and i seem to take them out whilst unconscious. What do?

No. 115831

go to the dentist or psychiatrist and figure out why you're grinding your teeth, depending on the cause, then stop grinding your teeth.

have your boyfriend invest in earplugs in the meantime.

No. 115832

Why do you need to see him for financial reasons, what? I could give you a good excuse if you have a good excuse for seeing him twice a year for financial reasons. Where is mom?

No. 115844

Thanks! I smoke so i think its likely that which causes it. He's refused to try earplugs in the past but he's such a light sleeper that it'd be great for him for more than just my teeth grinding.

No. 115863

>bullied as a kid for being a drug addict because of your undereye hollows
I thought this was just me. And then as a teenager the same boys would try to suck up to me and ask me where to buy weed, but then just bully me again when I told them I didn't smoke.

If you do get fillers please let us know how it turns out. Personally, as I care less as I've gotten older since it's normal for everyone to look tired, the playing field has become level, but it's still interesting to learn about.

No. 115874

i feel the drug thing. it was always either the boys at school who would make fun of me for being a "drug addict", and ive also been stopped by the bouncers at night clubs because i "look like im on drugs" even though ive never touched anything except alcohol in my entire life.

im kind of torn on getting it done, because i think it would bring me so much relief if i did, but ive also read about complications and im also concerned about allergic reactions since my body is very sensitive to things like that in general lol.

No. 116023

I am due a cervical screening but I don't know what to expect and I'm squeamish and terrified. My last blood test made me faint and I don't know how painful it's going to be.

No. 116040


Same, anon. I'm scared and putting it off, even though I know that's a stupid thing to do. Getting the IUD gave me cervix related trauma.

No. 116071

A girl I went to high school with but haven't spoken to in 4 years is friends with a guy I find very cute. She works at a clothing store near my house and we've smiled at each other a couple of times.
I want to talk to her about this casually, opening with a "hey we went to high school together. Remember me? I'm anon, we talked at the bus stop that one time, etc." and segue into asking about him. Maybe something like "I see you all the time at uni with this guy, are you dating?" (I know they aren't) and "Oh, is he single?"

Does this sound like a good plan? Is it too blunt and rude and does it come off as if I'm using her? Should I talk to her a couple times first? Should I ask her to hang out maybe before asking this? I'd be happy to be friends with her too tbh.

I'm socially an idiot so any input is appreciated.

No. 116076

Hmm, I don’t think right off the bat asking her about her dude friend would be the right choice. If I were you I would try and befriend her (if that’s tolerable) and see if you guys end up hanging out with this guy organically like at a get together with other friends or something. I think it would make sense to ask her about him after something like that because she wouldn’t suspect that you only talked to her to get to him. And possible silver lining, you might get a nice girl pal out of it too! Hope my ramblings make sense!

No. 116079

You're probably right. I've been wanting a female friend for a while anyway, and she does seem sweet and fun from what I know.
It would probably be a good choice all around, thank you anon. I'll ask her if she wants to meet up for lunch or something!

No. 116085

>TFW friends who have boyfriends are never willing to ask their boyfriends if any of their single friends are single and want to go out on a blind date
Is there a stigma thats arisen that just doesn't encourage people to help others get into relationships now?

No. 116110

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My brother and I have a significant age gap-
I’m 28, he’s 36.

He’s never had a girlfriend, nor ANY friends since middle school. He’s incredibly smart, but (and I feel like an asshole saying so) I can see why. He seems hopeless and it’s hard to spend time around him because I get annoyed. He has a good job, good hygiene, thin and 5’10, and lives alone. I recently spent time around him and here’s what we’re working with:

- he does the virgin walk, except a proud version of it. Taking large steps and swinging his arms with lightly clenched fists. The way a cartoon would exaggeratedly walk.
- when perusing things he puts his hands behind his back and leans forward, like a nobleman would.
- his glasses are quintessential thin wire framed “nerd” glasses that flatter almost no one.
- wears the white briefs typically only little boys use.
- poofy hair that’s thinning; when I advised he looks much better with it short he just said “yes yes, you’ve told me as much prior”
- he makes… comments on everything and speaks incredibly neckbeardy in a way hard to really articulate. Ex: he notices his jeans had whiskering on them and said “seems there was an issue with the dying and such- as if, perhaps, it was wrinkled at the time, and the dye adhered to a certain area- bah! I must purchase some new ones!”
- doesn’t drink or do drugs, which sadly is a big hindrance for socializing
- I know plenty of anti dog people, but he does it in a weird way. I wish I could articulate how bizarre it is?
- is a nice person, I’ve never seen him be bitter or speak ill of normies or generally vapid people

I’m a woman that dates VERY unconventional men, but they all have friends at least, even if I’m their first girlfriend. I can’t see myself ever dating a guy like him, nor anyone else wanting to. If he’s truly happy, I want to leave him be- I just can’t imagine being so alone and being content.

No. 116111

sounds like he's on the spectrum.

No. 116112

So I've gained a stone in weight (9st to 10st) and I'm freaking out. I have an unhealthy relationship with food (comfort eater) and my thoughts around the way I look and my body are "toxic" and I just need to know that it's okay cause I'm panicking, I feel like a disgusting ugly fat failure who isn't worth anything.
I start therapy for these problems in 2 weeks but fuck right now I just need some advice on how to calm down and not see this as a big a deal as I feel it is.

No. 116113

Yeah he kinda sounds autistic to me, but he seems to be content and doing well for himself, at least he's not a basement dwelling neckbeard or something.
I wouldn't worry too much about him. You're a good sister for caring, but some people are loners and truly don't mind being on their own. And you never know, he could find a girlfriend one day. Sounds like the type of guy to get married to one of those awkward horse girls who still dress like it's 2003.

No. 116114

He never mentions being upset about no friends or girlfriend- are people on the spectrum more likely to be content without typical human interactions?

No. 116115

Haha! I would love that for him. I’m more concerned about the lack of friends than I am a girlfriend. Sometimes I just worry. Thanks for putting my fears more at ease.

No. 116121

I'd say so. I can only speak for myself but I have high functioning autism and I've always been content on my own. I hardly made friends as a child and I never thought twice about it, I was always happy doing my own thing. I only felt weird about not having friends because other people pressured me about it. I'm introverted and I spend 95% all of my time alone, even things like concerts or movies I go to alone and I'm perfectly happy with that.
It's not like I'm exactly an asocial heartless bitch, I do wish I had a best friend or boyfriend, but just one "partner in crime" would be enough for me. I don't really have an interest in having a big group of friends because it would exhaust me.

Your brother sounds like me, but only he knows how he truly feels. Are you guys close enough to talk about it without being weird? It's possible that he sometimes does feel lonely but is good at hiding it, or maybe he just enjoys solitude.
Does he have any particular hobbies or interests that could get him socializing with others? Something like an art, cooking, or woodworking class could be a good idea if he's open to it. Something that involves working with your hands doesn't necessarily force you to make friends - if you don't want to talk to people, you can just focus on making your art or whatever, but there's always the possibility to talk to others and meet new people.

No. 116122

He’s very interested in video games, quantum mechanics, computers, etc. Very cliche typical nerd things, hence my surprise he doesn’t have fellow nerdy friends (not even online from what I can tell).

We’re not very close due to the large age gap and personality differences, plus I’ve lived in another state since I was 17- but I think I’ll try to approach it in a nonchalant way. I enjoy my time with him even though he can be a bit much. I hate the thought of him suffering in silence and being alienated just because he’s weird and nerdy in uncool ways. But if he IS unhappy, I imagine confiding in a much younger little sister would be far too humiliating.

I’m really happy to hear where you land on this- you do sound very similar to him and how I hope (and suspect) he feels. It’d be nice to have a best friend, but it’s not hurting him.

No. 116126

I'm glad I could offer some comfort. Even if he may not have friends, at least he does have a younger sister who cares about him. I wish I had family as thoughtful and caring as you, anon. It might seem lame to some to have your only companionship be your own family, but for some people, that's plenty. I imagine your brother probably cherishes spending time with you too, whether he shows it or not.

No. 116142

My period was late by a day or two, which isnt out of the ordinary. But it started with a little blood yesterday as usual because my first day is light so i put a tampon in. But then i pulled it out like 6 hours later and there was no blood? I wore a pad overnight and my period just stopped.

This has never happened to be before. I was crampy yesterday but today barely which is uncharacteristic of my second day.

Am i pregnant?? Im gonna take the urine test when i can ASAP but im freaking out

No. 116145

Periods are weird as fuck-
Mine will be like clockwork for a few years, and then all of a sudden decide to go haywire. Have you changed your diet, schedule? New stressors?

Is there a REASON you think you might be pregnant? UNPROTECTED SEX MAAM?!??

…if not then nah you good.

No. 116146

Honestly? We pulled out a few times this month but used condoms otherwise. He's really good at pulling out like 10 seconds before he cums. Obviously that's not an excuse though.

Ive been eating a lot less because ive started a new anti depressant this month and im rarely hungry anymore. Idk. Ill update when i test it.

No. 116147

To add: man he pulled out with his ex's all the time. Like his last one for 2 years. I'd be so fucking unlucky. Its not a big deal if im pregnant. Hes a really sweet supportive guy that never pressured me to go raw or anything. His track record was tempting.

No. 116150

Update: I did a cheap pregnancy test from the dollar store and it came up strongly negative. I'll use the 2nd one tomorrow morning because it's most accurate then.

I don't think im pregnant but wtf is up with my period it's never been irregular like this

No. 116156

Anon, wait longer for that second test. You are only a day or two late if I'm reading correctly. You need to wait a little longer for an accurate reading. New meds can definitely screw with your cycle. Also, please don't be so naive. You can get pregnant even when he pulls out. Precum has trace amounts of sperm in it and it can get you pregnant.

No. 116185

Precum doesnt have any sperm in it unless he came earlier and hasnt peed a few times yet.

No. 116199

How do I stop obsessing over this girl my boyfriend used to have a crush on? I look at her ig almost every day and constantly compare myself to her because she just looks like his type much more than me. I feel like if he had a chance with her, he wouldn't be wasting his time with me, but I'm guessing she's rejected him in the past or something. Idk what to do. I'm going crazy.

No. 116200

How do I get over the fact that my “best friend” basically dumped me because they got in a relationship? I never made a friend that close in my life and I’m sad. I’m 21 so sorry if I sound juvenile but I never experienced this before. I expected my friend backing off a little but not disappearing. It makes me cry whenever I think of it.

No. 116219

Are you sure your friend isn't in a controlling relationship where they are being prevented from having friends? Surely they miss you too.

No. 116225

I think my friend is so infatuated to the point where they don’t talk to anyone but their partner. I honestly can’t take it. It’s very hurtful. I wish we fell out in a normal way because then that would feel more legitimate. Maybe my friend never really valued me but that doesn’t make sense because I really felt like they loved me (platonic) before all this.

No. 116226

File: 1559715008649.png (57.2 KB, 500x382, 1322796219001.png)

idk anon the same happened to me a year ago or so and I'm still a bit upset over it. we do text now and then again but it's like I can feel how bored she is with me so it isn't nice at all. time heals all wounds?

No. 116227

This happened to me anon! It got easier once I was in a good relationship so I did have my bf to spend time with, but before that I just spent a lot of time with my single friends and my friends who could balance their partners with their social lives. It’s almost like revenge by living your best life, after a few months of my friend saying no to every party or get together people would invite her to everyone stopped inviting her to things, so honestly all of us ended up enriching our social lives by hanging out more together bc we all kinda got dumped by this friend. Good luck and it gets easier, it’s been about a year and a half so now I really know not to get my expectations up about her being free/making plans or contacting me.

No. 116230

cpt or emdr therapy for repeated traumas and PTSD that's been simmering for a decade? i think my symptoms have everyone on edge so i need to make a choice and try to make progress. but isn't associating positive experiences with trauma or trying to forcefully numb yourself to it kind of brainwashy? what are your experiences?

No. 116254

yeah, i guess so. i know one day this will all be a memory i got over :/

No. 116377

I'd go for CPT. it's actually evidence based (unlike EMDR)

No. 116378

I'm currently doing EMDR and find it is working, there is preliminary evidence that EMDR works for ptsd. I'm currently receiving it on the NHS and they gave me the choice between CBT or EMDR.
I find it interesting that you were offered CPT as it's not even offered on the NHS due to lack of evidence in comparison to CBT or EMDR so I'm a bit confused that the other anon replied saying there isn't any evidence for EMDR.

No. 116424

Should I buy these cheap copic markers I found on Craigslist, it’s 19 for 10 cents each. But she won’t let me reserve them can’t even attach a photo because it’s too late, currently 7:00 pm. Debating if it’s even worth it for a 22 mile drive considering they could be gone.

No. 116425

I meant she couldn’t attach a photo since it’s too late, so I don’t even know what colors she’s selling. Also the sale starts at 9:00 am, apparently multiple are interested so by the time I get there it could be gone

No. 116428

>22 mile drive
>for copic markers

You would lose so much money on petrol doing that, definitely not worth it also sounds like some kinda trap. Why can't she mail them? I assume there's a typo and there's 190 and not 19 because anyone can mail 19 markers.

No. 116441

I just moved to a new town and don't have a doctor yet. I have agoraphobia and get very scared going new places and I am sick with strep throat that isn't going away, tonsillitis and an ear infection. I've needed to go to the doctor for 2 weeks but can't get the courage to call a new doctor to make an appointment. I used to have someone living with me who was my appointed caregiver but they left without warning so now I live alone with no transportation. The main problem is that I'm really scared to make the phone call to find a new doctor and make an appointment to go. Does anyone have any tips for what to say on the phone so I don't mess up and make a mistake? I feel so stupid when I make phone calls and doctors offices are one of the hardest places for me to call. I get scared they'll think I'm making it up and accuse me of being a hypochondriac. I know I'll probably just get snarky responses about what a tard I am but any advice would be great, I am sick of having daily breakdowns over trying to make a phone call.

No. 116444

I've spent most of my working life taking calls from people and not once have I ever been bothered by someone being awkward or not knowing what to say. I wont call you a tard but I will tell you that you are vastly overestimating how much people taking calls give a shit about you, they're probably busy looking at the clock and wanting to go home. And doctors aren't going to think you're a hypochondriac based on one visit and when you are actually sick, wtf kind of sense would that make?

Sorry to be harsh but there's nothing in particular you need to do or say, you just need to get over yourself and not be self conscious over nothing.

No. 116451

You should probably go to a walk-in clinic for antibiotics if you really have all strep, tonsillitis, and an ear infection.
>>116444 is spot on. Just ask if any doctors are taking new patients and go from there. Receptionists are used to people being weird

No. 116454

Basic rules for phone: state what you want, who you are, and anything else that's massively important. Doesn't have to be in that order. If they can't help you, thank them politely and hang up.
Don't worry about sounding retarded. Nobody cares, and I really mean that. People who work on phones all day aren't paid enough to give a shit.

No. 116456

Whenever my mum and I get into a verbal fight or huge argument, she says always that I'm just like my abusive father. She divorced him after 20 years and I have no contact with him because he was an awful human being in many ways. He was physically and emotionally abusive, stole money and gas lighted the entire family. So she basically puts me whenever we argue, on the same lever as him, even thought I never did any of those things he did and never would because I hate people like this. It really pisses me off that she uses this argument all the time against me and my brother.

So my question is: How do I deal or respond to this? It really annoys the fuck out of me.

One time I said that I never choose my own father because how? And she seriously said YES I could've done it?? What the fuck.

No. 116486

Maybe this is asking too much but just don't raise your voice at her? Try to keep yourself and her calm, give her time to explain herself and try to reason with her concerns so she doesn't get into the mindset of having a screaming match that's always been in the context of being scared of the other person.

No. 116516

>reasoning with a manipulative individual who would compare her own female children disagreeing with her to an abusive spouse due to an inability to handle conflict
Nope. Won't work.
It's the blame game and anon will never win it.

Have you ever heard of the gray rock method?
I use this with my own mother who is a narcissist. Not saying yours is a full blown one, but what she's doing is getting an emotional rise out of you because being compared to an abuser when you know you're not being one is very upsetting. It's a form of guilt tripping. She knows exactly what she's doing and she hopes you'll go on the defensive so she can lord past abuse over you to get her way. If she does this frequently, it's because she likes the drama and attention she can milk from you and your brother.

Slip on a mask of cool, calm, and collectiveness when you feel an argument coming on. Stick to the facts. Try not to let on an emotional reaction no matter what she says to try to draw one from you.
If nothing you say reaches her, then go silent. Better to walk away than give her more ammo to manipulate you with. She asks why? It's because you want to be heard and she's being unreasonable.

No. 116543

I fear I may have just sabotaged a relationship with someone I care about by being too honest and blunt. I'm so fucking stupid. What I said sounded too cold. I can't take it back, so what should I do? Would an apology be too hasty and come off in-genuine?

No. 116550

I need help on how to behave with a friend of mine.
She recently got into a relationship with another friend of mine; at first it was just sex, than they decided to go for a relationship. Blahblah, a lot of stuff that doesn't concern me since it's their life and all. Still, her behaviour is affecting the way I see her. She's acting very badly to my other friend, showing no respect for his feelings and being kind of selfish even though she denies she's acting so and puts up a fuss when you tell her.
Another friend and me tried to talk to her and make her come to her senses, but she won't stop disappointing us all and hiding stuff from everyone.
She has previously shown red flags, but I thought I was being paranoid and tried to get over it, but since all this is happening I am losing all respect and emotional bonds with her.

Am I acting irrational and should I let her live as she pleases and not let it get involved in our friendship?
The other friend already told her he lost all respect and bond with her, which her came to me to talk about how bad she felt about it but did nothing to understand his point of view.
I don't know what to do, anons. I feel like I'm being a bitch because her relationship with her boyfriend shouldn't concern me as much as it is doing.

No. 116842

I have anxiety about giving up my current apartment even though all of my friends and family (and my internal voice) is saying I'll be happier once I'm out.

So for the last four years I've been living here despite a lot of issues because the landlord is so negligent, leaks that took a year to fix, no hot water for months making me sick, the last straw was part of my ceiling caving in from the damp a leak they refused to fix caused and during that time I got a nasty infestation of moths. I have been miserable living like this, and I'm about to start a new job and I'm able to save up so I can afford to move. This is great news……but I'm scared.

This will probably sound ridiculous, but I've been here so long and I've tried to make it as homely as possible. My neighbour is the kindest person and because he manages the entire building he's been able to help move things along faster than my letting agent have alone. As a girl living by herself I feel incredibly reassured to live next to such a reliable guy, and despite the issues I've had, it makes me sad because often I look at my home and I wish I could keep it without all the issues. I wish I could give it the love it deserves but I cannot buy it and it's rented so I've concluded that it's going to be better to just move and start afresh.

This was my first ever apartment and it's proving harder than I thought: my mind keeps going to what ifs…what if I move somewhere and have the worst neighbour in the world and I know nobody? What if I move and the new place is too big for me? Stupid worries like that.

I wish I wouldn't worry because deep down I know I'll probably find somewhere I fall head over heels for that is more together and with a different landlord that isn't as careless as mine, so is this anxiety normal? Is it because it's my first apartment and therefore my baby that I'm stubbornly wishing and wishing I could hold onto and save but I can't? It's like a first relationship that isn't perfect but it's the first and it's there. So I feel at a loss between being eager to find my dream new home and being afraid of facing this at all.

No. 116848

My sis needs rehab for her alcohol addiction and traumas. My uncle is very rich and basically the only person who could afford to get her help without it being any trouble. My mom refuses to acknowledge the issue, so he's really the only option. However, I'm not close with him. Yet I see him often enough that I might try to change that.. unsure about how.

Overall, I just want him to drop a few thousand to help my sister have a new chance at life. He doesn't have any idea about how bad it is or how rough her life was.. Essentially, should I tell him about the sexual abuse she experienced, so he understands the level of issues? Or do I just explain how sick she is? What's the best way to ask? Advice???

No. 116861

Write him a letter. A real letter, on paper. Tell him everything, not just about what happened, but about how you feel about it all, as well, and the effect it's having on your family. Say how much she needs help and also about how much he could help her, what positive changes he could make if he helped her with treatment, use examples; if she could go to college, get a better job, settle down with someone, etc.

Then try and meet for coffee and discuss it further. Just be as honest as you can, really. Good luck, I hope it works out for you and your sister.

No. 116907

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How do I know if I'm suffering from what I'm pretty sure is PTSD? And what should I do to get help besides seeing a therapist (which I'm going to arrange sooner or later because I'm sick of wallowing in my sadness like this).

My best friend died last September of terminal cancer. Throughout his last 3 years of his life, I was there by his side, visiting him at hospitals and his house, bringing him stuff, trying to make him happy. Just generally being supportive. We were really close and told each other our deepest secrets, those of which I'm going to keep for the rest of my life.

Ever since he died, my short-term and working memory has been absolute ass. I did have a bout of memory loss issues when I was on antidepressants and antipsychotics for a few years, but when I went off them, my memory came back. Now ever since my friend has died, my memory has gone to shit again. I remember reading about how one symptom of PTSD is memory issues. I do have ADHD meaning that I get distracted fairly easy (meaning it's easy for me to forget things), and my medication (Vyvanse) did help with that. But the moment he died, the Vyvanse stopped helping with my short-term memory issues. It's REALLY bad now. My emotions are completely blunted, too. I feel like I'm on Abilify (antipsychotic) again, which completely stunted my emotions. I'm constantly dissociated and I know it's a coping mechanism.

I now have some really lovely triggers, too. Hospitals, the sound of breathing devices (whatever they're called, the things that have oxygen tanks that help people breathe), the word "terminal" in any context, specific memes (ones that I sent him and shit). Even more amusingly, I now have an emotional trigger for the song Megalovania from Undertale, because the last thing I sent to him that he replied to was a Megalovania meme. It's taken me a while to get over that one. Sounds stupid as fuck, but this is something I've been struggling with for a long time. My friends are pretty supportive too, seeing as they were all friends with him as well. So we talk about losing him every once in a while and it helps.

My concept of time is fucked, too. I remember having an almost-panic attack over his death and I was telling my boyfriend that I was upset about something that "happened recently" (not wanting to say "I'm upset that my best friend is dead" because I was at work and didn't want to cry), and once he realized what I was upset about, he made me realize that his death wasn't recent, it was over half a year ago. Like, what the fuck?

I keep having trauma dreams that bum me out so much to the point that I'm sometimes scared to sleep. My brain is now doing this weird thing where to cope, it's now placed this false sense of who my friend was in my mind. What I mean is, my brain now thinks of him as a fictional person, I guess so it hurts less. My brain is trying to purge any notion that this was my best friend. Instead, it's trying to think of him as a character that died in a TV show I like or something. It's fucking awful. I don't want my brain to do this. And when I stumble across his old social media by accident, it hurts so much more than it should because suddenly my brain is faced with the reality that he was a real person and not just a character.

I do visit his mom every once in a while. She's really nice and I even helped her with finding a new job that doesn't aggravate her trauma. I plan on visiting her sometime soon just to say hello. She's the same as me, we both don't want to wallow in this and be miserable about losing a loved one. We both want to move on. We had a really long talk about this when I visited her on his birthday. Was really nice.

TL;DR best friend died last year, I think I have PTSD. How do I know that I have PTSD? What steps should I take (besides therapy, since I'm arranging that soon) to help myself heal? How can I help "repair" my memory issues that happened as a result of trauma? Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent somewhere.

No. 116973

Sounds to me like you have PTSD which you can very much get from death of a loved one. I'm sorry, anon, it can be incredibly hard and terrifying some days. The only thing that helps me with mine is weed. If you have the money, definitely try to see a therapist. Good luck.

No. 117317

Should I be embarrassed about my ugly teeth and weirdly shaped mouth and speech issues due to that or do most people not care about that stuff? I dislike it on other people so I'm worried people dislike me for it as well. It's something I worry about a lot and I don't know how to feel more confident. And no braces aren't an option right now and even if I would get them some day they would just make things even worse for the first few years anyway since they look bad and are hard to deal with.

No. 117323

I moved to a new city and found a good place with a room where the previous tenant was willing to let me keep his furniture for a good price. It's kinda ugly but I really needed a place to live and decided I could deal with it. The room is liveable but honestly it's super cramped and weirdly shaped, and the way the furniture was placed when I moved in is pretty much the only place to put them. It also gets really shitty light and isn't very comfy or nice to be in, which sucks because I spend pretty much all of my time inside my room.

I found out one of my roommates is going to move out at the end of the summer. I was hoping to move into her room since it's bigger, gets better light, and just overall is a more pleasant room in every way. Today I asked her about it, obviously she didn't care but she wants to sell her furniture to the next tenant, and it's pretty pricey. I understand because it is nice almost new furniture and furnishing the room again would cost about the same (if not more), but I feel like I shouldn't be wasting money to move into this room when technically my current room is fine. But at the same time I really want that room, and I spend so much time in my room, so it's important to me to have a nice room. I do have the money, it's not like I'd have to starve to pay her for the furniture, and I could recoup maybe 1/4 of the cost by selling the furniture in my old room, but I don't know. I have a lot of anxiety surrounding money so I'm hesitant to do this but I also grow to hate my current room more and more each day. Should I suck it up or just go for it anons?

No. 117332

Go for it otherwise you will not be given this chance a second time too soon and you'll be bitter about it.

No. 117359

Who has successfully tapered off of Lexapro? I'm coming off a very low starting dose (5 mg) but it's getting harder now that I'm fully off the medication. I went in increments of quarters, so very slowly. I'm experiencing a lot of dizziness or feeling out of it and it's making me clumsy and is upsetting. I'm only not like this if I'm not moving a lot or too fast. I had it to some extent before but it's at its worst now. Do you think it'll settle off in a couple of weeks? When I went half to quarter pill, it eventually settled off, but the dizziness feels worse than from that transition. I do have a history of having some dizziness issues but it was usually when getting out of bed or if I was ill.
I'm noticing as well that my sex drive has gone way up, but that I'm harder to satisfy. I'm needing to orgasm multiple times and not feeling satiated by my orgasms. Idk if it's because I'm masturbating and that when I get to see my boyfriend it'll be better, I have not seen him since I started coming off my medication.
I'm sensitive to lower doses of meds than most people and I was on this for four years, fwiw.

No. 117378

some people really like that stuff

No. 117385

I only care about the inside of someone's mouth if I am planning on kissing them. In normal life I literally do not care and never notice if someone has "bad" teeth or not.

No. 117400

Ex boyfriend is liking my Instagram posts, ones about how happy I've been lately.
We're both single and I still like him, ended on good terms because of long distance. Should I message him about it??

No. 117411

What about speech issues

No. 117422

nta but i personally think slightly fucked up teeth and crooked smiles are cute and so is lisping. perfect american smiles are fucking horrifying.

No. 117427

I tried weed but it ended up giving me mild psychosis. Then again I've only smoked THC strains and I don't think that helped. Do you recommend strains with higher CBD for PTSD symptoms?

I also have the funds to see a therapist, so money isn't an issue here. I'm honestly just not sure where to start. I've seen therapists before but I had a huge issue with opening up and unfortunately was let go multiple times because of that, and that was before my friend died. The only time I ever was able to open up to someone was a professor I'm very close with, and he's helped me a lot. I really want to talk to him again (I see him pretty much every weekday as I work with him), but I'm always worried that he finds me annoying (even though he's told me he likes helping me and wants to help me, even). Anxiety is a bitch.

I tapered off of Lexapro once but that was because I moved to another SSRI. But, as someone who stopped taking Sertraline cold turkey after being on SSRIs consistently for 2+ years, the withdrawal symptoms are unfortunately something you will have to deal with, even if you taper off. I've been off SSRIs for over a year now and all the withdrawal symptoms are gone now. Keep at it, anon, you can get through it. You're doing a much better job than I did, seeing that I quit cold turkey. I'm proud of you for not doing what I did.

I had really awful withdrawal that left me bedridden for a while. I hallucinated like crazy and had awful dizziness. My life improved significantly after quitting SSRIs, including my memory coming back (which is now bad again due to the PTSD I mentioned in my post I made earlier).

Also re: dizziness, do you have anemia? I have anemia that's caused by my period. That might be related, look into it. My dizziness went away when I was taking birth control pills.

No. 117467

First time applying for a place to rent. Other two roommates have rented before and have decent amounts of money saved up (one girl has some odd 15,000$ in savings). I’m an idiot who will have ~3,000$ saved by the time I move in, if I do.

The landlord is considering us seriously and asked for bank statements. I already gave my savings acc info in my application and figured they’d just be able to see the amount I have saved and that would be that.

But when I went to look at the pdf of my bank statement, it’s from last month (obviously, I know) and shows my transactions (yeah, I’m an idiot). I wasn’t doing so hot then and it’s showing all my stupid little transactions. I’m so anxious that they’ll see it and see me as not responsible and decline us.

I really can’t afford to keep applying for places. There’s really not much I can do, except try to post pone until next month where my savings will look a lot better, but I know this isn’t possible.

I should have been more responsible. What can I do now? Will they see that I have ~2,500$ in savings at this moment? Should I just cross my fingers and hope for the best?

No. 117468


I think you're fine, anon. They shouldn't care about your misc daily transactions or judge you for them, they're only trying to confirm that you have income and can afford the place. They'll factor the other applicant's financial situations into the decision too, so try to relax. Good luck, hope it works out for you.

No. 117470

I think I'm developing a bit of a crush on my friend? We haven't even been close for too long (started at the very end of winter semester at best) and I don't know how to get rid of it?
It wouldn't be a problem if I didn't already have a boyfriend. This relationship is fairly new as well but he is long distance.

A part of me is maybe just thinking that hanging out and talking in person is nice but I do enjoy all the inside jokes and similar hobbies my friend and I have. Idk. Kind of a vent but also asking how do I get rid of my feelings for my friend? Do I just really enjoy being around them and it's not romantic?
I don't have many friends so I don't want to mess this up. Sorry if this sounds middle school tier.

No. 117472

Damn. Where are you in the world that the renter makes you provide bank statements?

No. 117475

thank you

No. 117478

nta but where do you live that they don‘t?

No. 117505

just keep it cool and let the friendship develop organically. if your feelings are actually romantic, I'd honestly advise choosing the IRL guy over the LDR if it comes down to it.

irl > ldr, no contest

No. 117523

I feel like my body/mind are exaggerating a lot but I’m confused so idk where to turn

My bf and I have had quite a rough patch in fall last year. We temporarily had to live together in a really tiny space, were around each other 24/7 and on top of that I was dealing with a really bad episode of depression. My libido was basically non existent. My bf has a really intense sex drive so he was constantly trying to initiate sex. I felt bad about not meeting his needs, was frustrated because I missed my libido myself and got really defensive because of it. I started to feel pressured and got upset that we just couldn’t spend time together or cuddle without him making it sexual. Granted, I didn’t tell him it made me feel pressured and bad for quite a while.
We fought a lot during that time and it all was very, very exhausting.
We fixed all of those issues though, get along perfectly fine again and our sex life is back to where it was.

Now I’m in this random Facebook group with a bunch of people. This one guy is kind of going through something with his girlfriend and he’s very vocal about how they’re not having sex, how frustrated he is, how jealous he is of others guys that are getting nudes and action from their gfs etc.
And even though I don’t even know this guy it stresses me the fuck out.
Like, even from just those comments I start feeling pressured and anxious. It feels exactly like my boyfriend made me feel back last year.

Now I don’t want to throw around words like that this easily but somehow I feel a bit like maybe this time back last year traumatized me a little without realizing? Like, I never felt it was that bad back then but I get a really intense physical and mental response for how benign this Facebook stuff is, considering that I know neither this guy nor his girlfriend?
It’s also the first time anything has triggered this kind of response in me.

I don’t know, I’m just confused. Should I try to work this out or just ignore it? I might just be pms-ing and I genuinely can’t tell if I’m severely overreacting or if this is a legitimate reaction?

No. 117524

That group sounds really stunted and unhealthy. You should probably leave regardless.

No. 117525

Yeah well that already happened, haha. Don’t even remember how I ended up in there in the first place.

No. 117530

Your boyfriend is disgusting and selfish. It sounds like you're traumatized naturally because he treated you like shit while you were going through a rough time instead of supporting you. I don't know how long you hid it for but he should have guessed something was wrong with you if your libido suddenly died. He's lucky that you're still able to be intimate with him instead of just getting turned off completely from the pressure and negativity. Sorry, your boyfriend is a piece of shit.

No. 117563

right now my life is mainly school, seeing my 8 month old nephew a lot, and i'm about to move at the end of this month. that's pretty much all my life is about right now.

yesterday, my mom called me after a while of not talking. she kinda gets distant every once in a while. i've never felt like she was my mother, but rather another sister. she asked me 3 things: if i was in school, if i have seen my nephew lately, and if i've moved yet. it really hurt bc like those are the main things in my life and you straight up don't know what's going on with me. after i got off the phone w her i cried a little.

today she texted me asking if i need help moving. i don't, i have my brother in law and my dad, then we're meeting my sister and nephew for lunch. i feel like it would be nice to invite her but she can be annoying and slow which would make stuff more difficult than it needs to be. she's so innocent and pure, just a little stupid and i don't feel like dealing w that. plus i'm still hurt how she sees her own family 12 hours away more than me. i probably won't see her for a while if it's not on my moving day, bc frankly i just don't want to. i know i'm so lucky to still have a mother, and one who loves me at that, but i just feel removed from her. i don't want to hurt her feelings though. maybe i'm an asshole, if so let me know. i just feel like she, along with anyone, could die any day and i want to make the most of our lives together. it's just hard right now

No. 117565

bitch, where?

No. 117571

A guy has been harassing me for months. We were friends but when I turned him down he flipped. I have him blocked everywhere but he makes new accounts. He lives overseas in the UK.Is there anything I can realistically do about this? Obvious cops won't care but I'm so sick of waking up to threats and insults on my phone. I have all my social media etc locked down but I'm going to have to change my number at this stage, which is a huge inconvenience and will impact my work.

I'm just pissed I'm going to have to probably change my phone number because some guy won't leave me alone.

No. 117597

I'm not sure about your carrier but you can block the number at a service level. For ATT you download this app https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.att.callprotect and just add the number. I had an international stalker just like this, he very may well still be messaging me but he's just talking to a brick wall now.

It is unfortunate though I basically had to leave all social media and completely wipe my online identity because one time I was nice to an incel and he thanked me by becoming my creepy stalker.

Lesson learned I guess.

No. 117996

File: 1562006465379.jpeg (56.72 KB, 800x450, 41FA59B4-1781-4B36-BD85-567AB2…)

Straight woman here who’s probably settling down with her bf in a few years. I’ve always thought I might be into women since I was a kid since a female friend kissed me, I wanted to kiss other girls sometimes as a kid, and when I saw porn it was strictly lesbian. I became asexual in my teenage years with antidepressants, never dated anyone and then later got off of them, met my boyfriend in college who i’m currently with. I have no issues with being attracted to men, but I’m really weirded out now because I think fakeboi looking girls (not self-identifying trans men) are really cute. I can’t say that I’d enjoy having sex with one because most of my sexual fantasies involving women were with femme women.

It came to me when I was watching Age of Youth 2, a korean drama (yeah…), that I found a GNC female (who’s straight) to be really cute and developed kind of a crush on her. I guess I thought for a while that if I was going to go for a woman, it’d be the femme type but then again, I’m dating a man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m also not up for threesomes, breaking up to explore my sexuality, or whatever.

Is there a way to tell if I’m actually into women or am I just into these girls because they look like effeminate men?

No. 118004

Starting from around the beginning of 2019 I've been having problems of blacking out when I'm drinking even when I feel like I'm drinking responsibly.

For example, yesterday I went out with some friends and had two pints of beer and a martini in the span of three hours which considering my build I think isn't a huge amount (I'm 5'8" and around 150 pounds). I had dinner beforehand with protein in it and not once during the night did I feel nauseous or dizzy. I was also functional enough to make the 30 minute walk back to my apartment no problem. I remember everything about getting ready for bed, making myself some drunk ramen and then going to sleep, but the next morning my roommate asked me how I was doing because apparently when she came home I was throwing up in the bathroom and she had to clean up after me. I have absolutely no recollection of this so I assume I must have woken up at some point in the night while blacked out and done this? I just want to know what I can do to prevent this from happening because even when I feel like I'm pacing myself and don't feel shitfaced I will occasionally still black out and I don't know why. Have any anons had similar experiences or know possibly why this has been happening to me? It's so embarrassing.

No. 118020

Maybe because you're getting older. People's bodies change all the time. You're blacking out because you're drinking; the solution is to stop drinking.

No. 118068

This sounds like something you should ask your doctor about, a quick phone call can't hurt can it?

No. 118112

Tinfoil but maybe your flatmate is gaslighting you. Where is her proof?

No. 118915

File: 1562904349017.png (105.15 KB, 500x286, V1sXN.png)

how to put less thought into what others think of me, farmers?

i know for a fact that i'm nice and well adjusted enough, kinda pretty, have a good future and work hard! but i get subjected to a lot of girl on girl hate and my confidence is weak enough to let it bother me. people
tell me i'm an idiot for letting it get to me and that they're "just jealous" but… are they really?

how are some of you so strong in the face of shittalk? can you beat some sense into me?

No. 118922

i think the best way to stop caring is to not assume people are jealous. most people who think others are "haters" constantly talk about them, if that tells you anything. accepting that people sometimes won't or don't like you is really important, more than simply trying to shrug it off.

No. 118929

remember people are way too concerned with their own image to be too concerned with yours.
there's no better revenge than living well and ignoring opinions.

also the older you get the less you care because people die and you realize your own mortality and people who give you shit about the little things are the ones who are gonna suffer in the long run. be obnoxiously yourself, people respect that.

"it ain't that I'm too big to listen to the rumors, it's just that I'm too damn big to pay attention to 'em"

No. 118930

are you fucking 12? this is piss poor advice. how the hell can you claim you don't give a fuck if you're basing it around how much you care it bothers others?

other people definitely do care about you, especially if they are concerned with their image. people like that care more about others because they need to belittle them to feel better.

caring that someone is going to "suffer in the long run" or not, is also a huge sign of an insecure twat in denial about how much they care. you are literally what >>118922 mentioned about constantly talking about "haters".

No. 118933

How can I help myself get up earlier and be more productive? I feel like a lazy oaf all the time

No. 118967

Watch this anon.

No. 118968

In my experience, you can live with a lack of self-awareness that makes you ignorant to what others think or you just get hit with enough shit to make you numb. With the former, that's something I only experienced growing up and it's a state of mind that I grew out of during my adolescence, for better or worse, and the latter is like a state of temporary resignment that isn't totally healthy. So, I guess my advice regarding your situation is to just accept things for what they are, accept and acknowledge that it does effect you, but to carry on and focus on yourself and your goals to the best of your abilities. If you find yourself lingering on something excessively then recognize that and push yourself to focus on something else.
Sage cause rambling.

No. 119000

it gets easier once you make a habit out of it. you just have to..start. have something to look forward to in the morning that will motivate you to get out of bed. in my experience waking up early inherently makes me do productive things

No. 119117

File: 1563117840206.jpg (Spoiler Image, 327.13 KB, 1414x514, 20190714_162151.jpg)

My eyebrows are so uneven, they are awful. I've been growing them out as much as I can for a while now, and I'm due to get them shaped. Question is which shape is more natural for me?? I have no idea why my left eyebrow is shorter and thicker…its always been this was, so I figure it's better to match the right to it? Any eyebrow wise anons here to help?

No. 119121

Idk they don’t look too off from each other. I would say just pluck the strays and fill them in

No. 119360

they say castor oil helps them grow. gotta be honest though like i would not notice this at all on you.

No. 119384

File: 1563317061848.jpeg (4.02 KB, 224x224, images.jpeg)

How can you be interesting to people without turning yourself into a clown?

It's unfair, I try to be funny and nice and people instantly think I'm some sort of tool for their entertainment. I can't stand when people say things like:
>we are bored, so say something funny/interesting
>you said something quirky the other day, do it again
>you are the one who always breaks the ice
>what about you start a debate around a topic? you know a lot of things, whatever is fine (butwewillbedisappointedifwedonthavefun)!

It's like I'm a machine or a TV. I want to be interesting to people, I don't like to be boring or dull, but is frustrating when people assume you're 24/7 thinking about deep topics or something.

No. 119396


keep the clownery to one on one conversations & add in funny quips every so often if you do find yourself bored in a group

if you tend to be performance-y or dramatic then cut down on that

good luck

No. 119410

File: 1563347845856.jpeg (34.17 KB, 418x522, F86889D4-8731-407B-8EF2-B4E44F…)

I need advice but my problem is so stupid that I'm almost too embarrassed to ask. Basically I've always gotten by on online work but my circumstances have changed and I need a real job quick, most likely a shit-tier retail job where I have to work a cash register. The problem is I have a lot of anxiety surrounding math of any kind because my math skills are horrible, we're talking certified retard levels. I'm scared of giving someone wrong change and getting yelled at, cuz I will definitely cry. Is there any way of telling an employer I'll do anything except handle cash? Please help me anons

No. 119411

Most cash registers will do all the calculations for you and you just need to count out denominations, it's not really maths. And I'm not sure about where you live, but where I am 99% of people use their card to buy things so it might not be as important as you think.

Anyway don't get stressed before you even try it, even if you find it difficult at first maybe it's time to improve your skills.

No. 119416

As for giving change, just do the math outloud, it's only additions so "50 and 10, 60, and 5 65", it's not hard and it helps you keep track. I did this when working with cash and people didn't think it was weird. You can do it!

No. 119428

Adding onto the other advice you got, seriously try some basic online math tests / games or phone apps. Change is all addition and subtraction, so you can definitely improve those mental skills to help you feel better prepared.

No. 119456

This is really stupid but I'm bothered enough to ask for advice.
My MiL has a lot of out-there ideas about things, and some are true or turn out to be true, and others I know are outright wrong but don't feel comfortable correcting. She's also quite controlling. I'm staying at the family home with my fiance and she has been insisting on controlling how much hot peppers/chilis I put into my food, and no one else is eating my food except my bf. Yesterday it even expanded into telling me I couldn't put in too much cumin, which is not the same type of spice. She insists it will make us ill and we are using too much, and then she will take the blame. So we get threatened with being thrown out of the kitchen if I "overspice" his and/or my food. Today's "fact" is that people from countries who eat spicy food only do it in the cold for health, and I know that is also not true, because I enjoy very spicy foods from countries with hot climates.
I'm from Southern CA and used to eating plenty of spicy food, several times a week, because that is what I enjoy and it's easy to find, so I'm frustrated by this. I'm spicing things less than my actual usual intake, and my usual intake does not make me seriously ill or cause any health problems, other than some relatively minor stomach burning or soft poops depending on how hot it was. She is over twice my age and white British, so I don't know if this is a cultural misunderstanding. I also have a significantly higher tolerance for and enjoyment of spicy food.
Does anyone have any good research that would prove I'm not overspicing my food or that since I'm acclimated it isn't going to hurt me? I know that by Scoville ratings and scaling I'm not doing anything nearly as bad as what people have done to actually get sick and end up in the hospital; I'm not eating whole ghost peppers, I'm wanting to eat food maybe as hot as a good spicy restaurant vindaloo or jalfrezi, which she knows I like/eat, and which is obviously very common to eat and readily available in the UK, so it's not as if I'm some kind of nut to eat this.
I just don't want to be a fully grown adult sneaking around in the kitchen to take out and add in more peppers or hot sauce to my own food/cooking, most of which I/we actually brought or bought, because someone is convinced this thing I do all the time will magically make me fall ill. I know someone may say "her house, her rules," but this just seems excessive and misguided compared to most house rules, and I'm frustrated. I know my own limits, and ours aren't the same. I don't even feel like I can argue with her tbh, if I show her research and proof that I'm fine eating this and it won't send me to the doctor or make me vomiting or bedridden, she may say she's right or not to argue. Still worth a shot because she has changed her mind on things if shown she was mistaken, she is just a stubborn lady, for better and for worse.
She's convinced my boyfriend is irresponsible in general and "overspices" foods, and probably thinks he "eggs me on" or I also am not to be trusted because I'm a young and naive young woman (I'm in my mid-20s!!) It's driving me nuts. This is borderline venting tbh. It may just turn out I'll have to concede until I leave because this is her house and I can't do much if she won't listen to me. I want to get along, but I'm not loving being a doormat over dumb things!

No. 119459

Yikes. Is it truly out of the question to say "with all due respect, I'm going to spice my food to my own liking"? You can tell her you've been to the doctor and having the blessing of a medical professional to eat the way you do. If she's to stupid even for that, then lie to her and say your family has a mutation that makes you less sensitive to the taste and less… gastrointestinally vulnerable to the evil effects of spicy food.

No. 119462

It actually is, like I will not be allowed to go into the kitchen/cook unless I can re-earn "trust" somehow, or potentially not be allowed to stay in the house alone for a day or more since I could put a sliver of carolina reaper in my dinner, not-okay. I'm pretty sure the last one won't pass her bullshit-o-meter, she's not stupid despite this weirdness, but I've been eating spicy food since childhood with no ill effects so maybe that counts for something?…but I don't think that'll pass either because my parents aren't perfect either and that could be used against me. Although they never have told me to stop spicing my food unless they have to eat it too and it's too hot.

No. 119467

Big brain time.
Buy two powdered pepper bottles, a soft one and a really hot one, put the hot powder into the bottle that says it's baby first spice. Enjoy.

Only answer that comes to mind honestly seeing how controlling she is. Good luck anon!

No. 119468

how do i get my clingy flatmate to back off?

we are the same age and have lived together for about 5 months. while we get along, we are very different people and spending a lot of time with her is draining, mainly because she doesn't follow social norms and often does things that i quite frankly find weird as fuck. i also get the feeling that she is kinda desperate when it comes to making friends.

my main problem is that she is very emotional and cares a lot about other people and their opinions of her. if i turn a suggestions down, she seems to become very upset. the thing is that she doesn't understand that i don't want to do something with her unless i'm very direct, which in turn upsets her.

if she knows we both have free time she wants us to spend all of it together. while i don't mind spending some time with her, i also like to do other things and enjoy spending time by myself. if i say "actually, i want to spend some time by myself" she would probably be like "oh" and think i'm mad at her and become upset and passive aggressive.

No. 119480

Part of my state hospital's discharge requirements is I receive outpatient ED treatment but during the evaluation the outp clinic said I need higher ed care (inpatient again). I am a low-end of normal bmi and don't meet weight requirements for insurance(probably). Anxious I'm unable to leave my current hospital until I recover from ED on my own or lose weight weight to transfer. My doctor prescribed me an SNRI that's taken away my appetite and after <300cals a day + exercise until august 24 (estimated), I'll reach a weight to be ok to leave.

Is this ana-chan hoop-jumping or a valid solution to getting coverage?

No. 119528


The real question is: What do you want to do?
If you want to cut ties with her, just make excuses all the time in order to not hang out with her. If she is so sensitive, she'll get the message.

If you want to change her so she's less toxic or oversensitive, forget about it. You can't change someone, they need to change by themselves. She doesn't think she's clingy or annoying, she believes everyone is at fault except for her. Unless she realizes she has childish behaviours, she won't change.

If you are worried about how your future cohabitation will play out if you reject her, I suggest you change flatmates. Living with someone like her is draining, as you said, and I don't think anybody should be stressed out by other people, it's not good for your mental health.

No. 119530

obviously ana-chan hoop jumping. why fuck around when you could eat more, feel better, and move on with your life? i'm not trying to invalidate the difficulty and fear around recovery, but when i made the leap to just fucking gain some weight, i became a hell of a lot more mentally resilient. now i'm a normal girl who got her shit back together, went to university, made friends, can make plans that don't revolve around food or a lack of it, etc.
therapists like to tie EDs up with trauma and insist that therapy is the way towards recovery when actually a lot of the hellish aspects of anorexia (even the ones that seem mental) are physiological. and therapy just doesn't seem to stick to a starved brain tbh.
start eating at least 2000 cals a day consistently for three months without restricting even if it gets scary. even if you end up binging one day - wake up the next and eat 2000 cals. no excuses or exercise - you can always restrict afterwards if you don't feel better.
i literally came back to my senses within about two weeks to a month. it was mad. i had been on death's door - bmi 13 - and i didn't think i would ever live a normal life. it was the best thing that ever happened to me and all it took was eating a regular amount of food.

No. 119593

How do I get someone to like me if they clearly aren't interested in me and haven't talked to me in months?
(feel free to read as: How do I just move on)

No. 119600

File: 1563511801649.jpg (55.7 KB, 640x632, tumblr_ogazmjkgOD1qg4l0io3_128…)

I'm moving in with my boyfriend in a few weeks, and I'm anxious! How did you guys feel moving out for the first time, and how did you feel moving in with your partner? Is there anything you'd tell someone in my position? I just feel like there's going to be things I won't be prepared for…like, this feels too easy, what am I not ready for lmfao

No. 119606

Me and my fiancé both freaked out the first week after we moved in together because we were so excited, anxious and moving is exhausting. It took us a few weeks to get used to it but it has been great ever since. Make sure that you communicate a lot because there’s gonna be differences in how you run a household. I used to get really frustrated in the beginning when my fiancé left all his stuff laying around but we always talk shit through and now it’s going great. We’ve been living together for three years now, in a small two room apartment with a cat and a dog. It’s definitely a big step in life but I’m glad we took the risk. Respect each other’s needs, figure out a good routine together when it comes to cleaning/getting groceries/cooking and always communicate issues! If you’re happy and in love and you know your boyfriend well, it should work just fine. Good luck anon!

No. 119654

I moved into my bfs house after only meeting him four times. I found what I learned very quickly is how he handles stress. It was difficult for us cause we were practically strangers but here we are 4 years later. I think you and your SO can handle it haha

No. 119655

thank you so much for your reply, anon! i really appreciate it. you are spot on about her believing she's never at fault, i would never in a million years try to change her though.

my living situation is amazing, she's the only negative aspect of it kek. i won't live here for more than two years though.

i think i'll just make excuses until she gets the hint. i can't handle her weirdo behavior anymore.

again, thank you anon!

No. 119676

Just moved in with my LDR bf a few months ago. What I was not prepared for is how big of a messy slob he is! I have to constantly get on him to clean up after himself, lots of bitching from me about how I don't want to be treated like his mother etc. My warning to you is that men treat women like mothers. You will be expected to pick up the slack; if he cleans it will only be because you told him to, not because it's something every adult is supposed to do. You will get stuck doing the majority of cooking. You will probably gain weight because men eat like pigs. They eat a lot and they eat at irregular times and while they can get away with it, you can't. It's difficult to rein in your eating habits when surrounded by junk food and you are happy and having a good time with someone else who is eating. You might fight about finances in addition to chores. He won't seem as special and cute when you are taking care of his messes. Other than that it's very nice living with someone you love; you get to have lots of sex, cuddles, someone to hang out with all of the time. It's not so bad but you absolutely have to put your foot down right off the bat or you'll slip into a pattern where you do everything and he sits on his ass. That's just how men are. They are lazy and try to do as little as humanly possible.

No. 119792

How do I professionally enough (shitty min wage job) let my boss know I won’t be finishing the 2nd week of my 2week notice?

No. 119793

just let them know your plans changed asap and you won't be able to finish it out. the sooner the better so they can find coverage for your shifts. otherwise, you really have no obligation to even put in two weeks honestly. especially if it's a lower level position.

No. 119799

Thank you, you’re right I’m overthinking it a bit

No. 119819

no problem. do what's best for you. i used to be a retail manager and i handled all the employee schedules and i'd literally have people call 5 mins before their shift to say they quit or leave on their lunch break and never come back. if they're not total scumbags they will even be happy with a day's notice.
i've always held the opinion that they wouldn't give you notice if they were going to fire you, so they don't necessarily deserve notice if you're firing them.

No. 119823

Oh man, I'm sorry but I can't imagine sex and cuddles being worth all that. Sounds like a nightmare.

No. 119849

Whoever cooks controls the kitchen and therefore controls the quality of the meals. Be the one who makes healthy dishes! And encourage an active lifestyle with regular exercise and going to the gym!

No. 119851

Sounds like you can't control yourself and assert yourself over your man. Blaming weight gain on your boyfriend? Jesus. Stand up for yourself. Cook your meals and exercise.

No. 119855

This is going to sound beyond retarded but I'm going to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend and I'm scared that giving him a blowjob is going to hurt for me (and him). When I try to open my mouth that wide, it already hurts to begin with, both my jaw and neck. Not only do I have tmj, but just opening my mouth up like that makes me feel gaggy and like I can't breathe. On top of that, how the hell do I not hit his dick with my back teeth? I don't want to tooth the poor guy. Is my relationship doomed?

No. 119860

Maybe don't give him a BJ this early if you're so stressed about it. Don't overthink it, not giving your BF BJ isn't going to doom your relationship. You don't have to if you don't want to/hurts you because of a condition and he shouldn't force you.

As always with sex, take your time, communicate and don't do things you don't want to. Do you want to or do you feel obligated? If you mess up, who cares, everyone was born bad at sex.

No. 119866

You don't need to stretch your mouth that wide. You're sucking it and most feeling is on the head and where the foreskin is/would be. I only tried deep throating the other night and gagged but I've been with my partner for 4 years so I'm comfortable with him and able to laugh etc. He's never complained about my technique before. I can't fit a whole dick in my mouth, just suck around the tip and use your hands on the shaft.

No. 119867

if you have tmj just take it easy. you can use your tongue but it's going to be a hell of a lot more embarrassing to get lockjaw in the middle of a blowjob than to just not force it.

No. 119869

Have you talked to him about that? I have a similar issue and a very sensitive gag reflex, so I generally explain this upfront and if someone has an issue with it.. oh well lmao. If I’m really in the mood though, I basically give a handjob with some tongue action lol. It might not feel the same, but if a guy understands my problem, he’ll appreciate it all the same.

No. 119873

Thanks, anons. I will talk to him about it but it makes me feel horrible since it's pretty much expected and I'm scared he might leave me over it or say it's not a big deal and cheat on me later. I also don't want to seem like I'm selfish and lazy but it does hurt me…

No. 119880

eh. i highly doubt it's a dealbreaker especially since you have a legitimate reason. i've tested the water with guys before and have straight up said that i do not suck dick (not necessarily true) and they didn't even act like they cared.

No. 119882

doublepost but also wanted to mention that none of them broke up with me over it. i've ended all my relationships of my own volition. so do with that info what you want. but seriously don't force yourself into an uncomfortable situation because it's "expected" just think about how disgusting that is on a human level.

No. 119897

I do all of those things. I cook constantly, I have to cook all of the time because he eats everything in one sitting instead of leaving leftovers. It's hard for me, I'll admit it. It is partially my fault, I like to have a little something unhealthy everyday so I don't binge eat so I keep it in the house. Problem is he just goes and eats it all in front of me and I end up eating it with him more often than I would normally. The other problem is that I pay for the food and he eats the majority of it so sometimes I get cheaper shit that isn't as healthy because I can't afford the healthy foods I want anymore. It's my fault as much as his.

I used to be bulimic for a very long time, more than 15 years straight. I have a hard time controlling myself, you are right. I read it's very common for women to gain weight in relationships because you accidentally eat more because your partner eats more than you but I know it's my fault. I feel like a weak piece of shit. It's hard to stay on track when you live with someone who eats nonstop, I'm sorry. I was just trying to warn anon that weight gain is often a common side effect. Going to go die now for being fat.

No. 119908

i feel like anons are gonna be judgemental about this but lmfao


>no hs education
>want to get a job
>brain absolutely does not want to be involved with the working world

my parents are both narcissists, and as a kid i was pressured really well to do well at everything/get a job/exploit my hobbies for money/earn my mom money. as a result i started doing pretty much nothing, and now as an adult i'm disgusted with the idea of working. my brain has convinced itself that somehow doing so is 'feeding into them' and 'making them happy'. i want to do it for myself- but the idea it might give them joy makes me want to vomit. i don't want them to pat themselves on the back and think that my achievement is theirs, you know?

has anyone experienced anything like this? how did you convince yourself to get over it, if so? or does anyone have advice on a mindset i should try to adhere to? i am tired of this household & i just want to move out and live an independent life free of these two. i am good at sewing, art, and i love cleaning, but i'm ok with just working some cashier shit job right now, honestly. i'm just not sure how to tell myself that it's ok to work.

No. 119909

>i feel like anons are gonna be judgemental about this but lmfao
Yeah… sorry in advance. But wtf am I reading? You need a job so get one, it's that simple. What else are you gonna do for the rest of your life? Count yourself lucky that you actually want to work, and the only thing stopping you is a mild mental block that sounds more like an excuse than anything serious. Are you sure you're not lying to yourself because working sucks and staying home is easy?

No. 119916

Shut up and get your ass to work like the rest of us.

No. 119920

Your parents can't take care of you forever. We're really gonna have a crisis in the near future when all the boomers die and leave millennial NEETs behind.

No. 119931

How do I love myself ?
I had never really thought I had low esteem before, I just didn't think about it that much, but I often see posts on lolcow to which I can relate to a lot that get the answer " love yourself anon". That got me thinking and I do think I have self esteem issues, but if you had asked me earlier I'd have said that no, I don't, the problem isn't my self esteem, it's just that I'm a piece of shit of a human being and that's what I have to work on.anyway, I always feel really out of place, like I don't belong here and everyone can see it just in the way I look. I don't think I'm ugly even though I'm definitely not pretty, but I feel like everyone can see that I'm super weird, like it shows directly on my face. Because of this I'm extremely nervous when anyone talks to me so I'm always super awkward
So how do I make it stop ?

No. 119932

Get educated if you can. If you have any passion for anything that you can work in, work towards that.

Maybe an agency can help you get clerical work as a temp somewhere for your CV. I did that when I got unmotivated first time at uni and got a permanent position at the same company after my temp contract ended. I enjoyed working there for around 4 years and made some good friends.

No. 119945

Thanks anon!

No. 119947

Make choices that help you rather than harm you. Make choices for yourself that you would make for someone you cared about. Often you'll find the way you would treat the loved one is better than you would treat yourself. That disparity creates the "love yourself" idea.
This can be as simple as food, drink, how you treat your hair and skin, sleeping patterns and who you let interact with you and in what manner. It takes a long time to slowly adjust your life to be one that is kind to yourself.
It also might mean changing careers, appearance, friend groups, relationships. Basically it means something different to everyone depending on which aspects of yourself you are neglecting.

No. 119970

Does anyone have any tips on how to "glow up"? I'm short, have a baby face, have no style sense, have skin like a hormonal teenager and I have no idea how to do my hair/makeup/eyebrows etc. and it's embarrassing being in my mid 20s. I have a feeling the steps should be:

>lose weight to get rid of the baby face and encourage myself to wear nicer clothes

>have my makeup/brows professionally done to find out what suits me
>find a celebrity who looks like me and just copy their clothing style

Anything else I should consider doing? I sound like such a baby but everyone I know changed so much during college and look so beautiful and I still look like a slug and I can't figure out why.

No. 119972

I think you should get a skincare routine first, and maybe look into birth control if your acne is hormonal. Then you can start getting into makeup and have your eyebrows done. That way, you will have something that gives you confidence and will further motivate you to lose weight.

I wouldn't start with the clothes. If you buy cute clothes now, they won't fit you when you lose weight, but you will still be able to use the same skincare and makeup products.

No. 119984

File: 1563978842893.gif (8.73 KB, 220x220, 1563477576665.gif)

Which apps are the most suited for finding a long-term boyfriend?

I am on bumble and I find swiping dehumanizing to men and I don't like not being able to go back/consider the men a second time more carefully. It seems like impulsive decision making.

I just got hinge but it seems like a slowed down bumble. And there isn't enough information on the profiles to tell if we are mentally compatible.

Okcupid looks kind of dead in my city. But I might go to that out of desperation.

Is CMB a good option? My friend uses POF but I thought that was for middle aged people haha.

Can anyone provide advice on how to not get overwhelmed? I live in Seattle and everyone I've talked to about online dating says it's really hard here. I'm a bit shy and odd and I am worried about my prospects if all of the outgoing, attractive people I know are struggling.

No. 119992

>I find swiping dehumanizing to men
Toughen up, buttercup. You shouldn't be looking for anything if you feel guilty about having standards. Apply yourself and get the best deal you can.

No. 120023

File: 1564009856979.jpeg (248.87 KB, 700x697, 97AAA102-DF2A-4CF8-9021-21A6BA…)

I'm learning to drive at 25 and I'm so overwhelmed. I don't have a good feel for the size of my vehicle, I feel like I'm going to accidentally drive in the wrong direction because signs confuse me, and the whole multitasking aspect of it gives me so much anxiety. How does everyone juggle looking at the road, paying attention to the signs, checking your mirrors, looking back, and calculating your route on top of all that? Don't even get me started on interacting with other drivers. I missed my chance at 16 because of life circumstances and I feel like I missed the learning curve. Is it over for me?

No. 120024

Keep at it anon! I got my license at 22 because I was lazy in high school and kept failing the entry level test. It may be overwhelming especially with adult responsibilities but it’s well worth it because you can drive yourself anywhere and everywhere once you get it. My tip is to go to a drivers school if you’re not in one already. If you are, listen to what the instructor has to say and try to apply all the good driver habits on the road (aim high steering, which is paying attention way ahead of you on the road; scanning constantly to look out for any dangers, assessing situations, learning right of ways etc.)

It’s also essential you keep driving despite any wobbly hands and fears. The anxiety subsides once you keep driving and make it a habit. It is a bit like learning how to ride a bike— it becomes second nature when you’ve driven for a while.

No. 120026

File: 1564015114771.jpg (19.07 KB, 620x576, 39a10.jpg)

Blehhh thank you anon! I feel discouraged but messages like yours help me to put things in perspective.

No. 120027

I'm in the same boat. I'm 23 and I don't know how to drive and I'm terrified of driving….God. I even bought a car for my mom so she would drive me everywhere. I'm trying to learn but I'm just so scared of traffic. How do you even manage?

No. 120032

File: 1564021158531.png (6.25 KB, 540x559, D_7_C-JXYAE-Do3.png)

I really want to grow my emotional maturity and accept that some people would be negative towards me no matter how hard I try to be friendly and polite toeards them, and that some people may just hate me for no reason. It also tends to be really hard for me to react towards a person being passive aggressive towards me on purpose, because in the end I start protecting myself and responding to them with the same p-aggro back. I just want to learn to not overreact to people being assholes when I never did anything wrong to them. I am never being angry towards people, in fact, I am always patient towards people who do not like me. But thing is, if the same said people keep acting like jerks towards me for half of a year or year max i give up and start passionately hating them which is not healthy. ( and yes, I always reach out and try to figure out whats up w/ a person who hates me in private, and try to come to solution that will please both of us. But some people just shrug it off and try turning others against me while pretending to be uwuowo towards their WKs but me)18 y/o btw.

No. 120049

File: 1564053973334.jpg (23.96 KB, 540x360, h56phm1sxhb31.jpg)

Anons, how do I stop hating my body and get confident? Am a normal weight, a little stumpy because I'm short, I do some cardio - I shouldn't be like this. I feel like I'm wasting my prime years by being so shit to myself and that makes me panic even more. Please help.

No. 120050

File: 1564055692029.jpg (203.16 KB, 2224x1376, uWT9nII.jpg)

NTA but I totally feel you, I put off getting my license for a while mostly due to anxiety about traffic and other drivers. Driving anxiety really sucks but the only way to conquer it is to just bite the bullet and go for it and keep driving as much as possible. Once you get more and more experience it all gets much easier, the hard part is forcing yourself to actually do it.

This might not be relatable but a lot of my anxiety around driving centered around my fear of other drivers. I constantly worried about what other people were thinking of my driving and if I was being an idiot or not. One of my relatives who often drove me around growing up is a nasty person in general and has EXTREME road rage. I realized that when I was driving, I wasn't exactly worrying about the other drivers but moreso picturing my relative swearing and screaming and driving aggressively… yeah, there are asshole drivers like her, but the point I'm making is that most people are just normal people trying to get home or whatever and very rarely is anybody gonna try to put you in actual danger. It comforted me to think of other drivers as normal people like me just trying to get by and not deranged narcissists. Point in case: I accidentally rear-ended a lady and I was on the verge of tears pulling over because I thought for sure she was gonna tear me a new one for hitting her newer car with my shitty 90s clunker. Nope, super friendly woman who laughed it off and even said it wasn't my fault (even though it was).

Sorry for the blogpost but I hope you can conquer your fear and start driving soon, for me it turned from something to dread into something pleasant and relaxing, and now that I sold my car and moved to a city I kinda really miss cruising around in my shitbox of a car. It's so freeing to be able to go anywhere you want whenever you feel like it. It'll get hard and scary sometimes but don't give up!

No. 120053

I don't know where to ask this so I'll ask here.. I have brown hair and I'm so sick of the struggle with hair removal, I need to shave my whole legs and arms, fingers, toes, ass. I live with my parents, we don't have a bath and I'm not allowed to shower very long, what is the best option to get rid of all the hair? If I shave one part a day in the shower I just end up shaving every single day forever because the hair already looks too long after 2 days.. I can't do laser removal because I don't have money.

No. 120060

File: 1564064271304.jpg (128.02 KB, 800x800, 5-PC-Hair-Removal-Double-Side-…)

Might be expensive but how about those wax strips? I also have dark body hair and they work pretty well. Mine is very thin though.
Cons are cost and that you'd have to let the hair grow back to a certain length to wax again. But it lasts 3 to 4 weeks and you could do it in your room.

No. 120064

Isn't it a hassle to get those on every inch of your body..? Seems like it would take forever. I also once tried them on my legs and the wax just got stuck on my legs and no hair came off so maybe I also suck too much at using them lol

No. 120065

You can wax at home, might be a little tricky and takes time to learn how to properly wax. I got a tin can of wax (the most delicate one), a cheap wax heater with wax paper and started doing my own wax.
Apply in the direction of the hair growth with a spatula and strap strongly in the opposite direction. You can take it away with any kind of oil, shower and be sure to disinfect properly. Wear loose clothing for the next day and you're done.
It hurts like hell at first, eventually you get used to it with the benefit of less and less hair growth.
I would NOT recommend it if you have delicate skin, though, and of course it would be better to get a professional doing it for you, but it costs money.

No. 120074

get the roll on wax. it is way easier than doing the more traditional kits. you get a good application, and it can wash off easy as well.

No. 120075

File: 1564078844250.png (320 KB, 640x430, i-just-think-theyre-neat.png)

Anons how do you truly know when you're bi? I've been questioning with an inkling that I was since I was 14 but never took it seriously until I saw another anon say that a lot of wlw is heavily eroticized and through the male gaze and that can really put women off the idea of loving other women in a 'real' sort of way, like they would a man.

I've been with a decent number of men but I never really think of men when I'm getting off. Either I think about a very particular man that I have romantic interest in or exclusively look at women to get off. Not to sound like a scrote but I love to watch boobs bounce and women touching themselves. The idea of scissoring a girl, as stereotypical as it is, seems amazing to me I always say online that fully 'straight' women could enjoy lesbian porn but now I'm starting to think that that's more of a deflection rather than the truth. I like the idea of kissing a woman, and I've begun to develop more and more female crushes. When I was younger I would jokingly talk about how hot I thought a girl was and I have a tendency to ogle at cleavage. It feels so gross and misogynistic but I really like the female form, but I've rationalized it to myself as wanting to be the girl rather than true attraction.

I feel like I can't truly label myself as being bisexual because I've never had a real experience with a woman. I did have a f/f/m threesome but it was for the wrong reasons. I enjoyed kissing the other girl but wasn't fully attracted to her. I like the idea of dating another girl and forming a relationship with her but I've seen so many posts of other women who get angry/defensive over bi women because they don't want to be used as an experience instead of building an actual romantic connection. I really like romantic connections though, and I would really like to get to know a girl deeply. I really don't know what to do anons.

No. 120080

Thanks. Does the hair really stay gone longer though and does it really come back less?

No. 120082

Well, yes and no.
It definitely grows back more slowly and since it’ll needs to grow back from the root, the stubble will be finer than when you shave it. (Because hairs are pointy so when they grow back with their pointy ends first, those will be finer than when the hair is cut off at the thicker base, obviously.)

When you regularly remove hair by its root some will stop growing back. I used to epilate my legs for 5 years and my leg hair is extremely patchy now. I also noticed that my pubic hair became a bit patchier after waxing for a few months. Not to an extent that really makes a difference though.

No. 120083

Sorry for samefagging but once you get used to waxing you can try sugaring. It’s a sticky paste made of sugar, water and lemon juice. It’s reusable, cheap, easy to make and you have no waste since the paste itself is water solluable.

No. 120113

I think I’m pregnant. I’m only 21 and my boyfriend and I still live in his parents house and are unemployed at the moment. I believe in abortion of course but for me personally I don’t think I could do it.

No. 120127

Well take a pregnancy test first and then go from there figuring out what you want. If you're keeping the baby, you should take prenatal vitamins. You can probably get them free in your area. What's the parental support situation?

No. 120128

Also if you're pregnant and uninsured, there's a good chance you qualify for Medicaid if in the US. You would also qualify for WIC.

No. 120129

>I don't think I could do abortion but I could do undergoing a pregnancy under the beck and calls of my bf's parents who will probably think the worst of me, while having neither income nor insurance
And I'm not even talking about what happens after the baby would get here. You're only 21 and that's way too young to be saddling yourself with those issues. It's sad.
Get a pregnancy test and then highly consider abortion. If you can swallow a pill and have a period, you can have a pill abortion.

No. 120144

I think mostly it depends if you're looking at the other girl (either porn or fantasies) as projection of yourself or because you'd like to make out with her. If you're feeling comfortable with one night stands, you could try to enjoy an experience with a girl who's okay with it. They exist.
Anyway, I wouldn't complicate stuff that much, keep yourself open to the possibilities but don't try to force yourself into a view, it may lead to wrong expectations.

No. 120151

How do I get more Instagram followers?

Vapid, I know but I've always struggled to keep up with normie social media. Instagram is the only platform I use and I want it to remain active. I don't wanna feel like a ghost… I can larp as a Stacy but I tend to have bouts of apathy when it comes to self-promotion and attention-whoring. I managed to get featured on a few accounts while withholding embarrassment for doing so and it did get me some followers but I've been inactive for a while. How do I gain a group of people who are semi-interested in my posts and stories when I tend to be asocial?

No. 120156


Make a schedule for posting. Aim for once a week then up it to two times when you start feeling more comfortable. If you know you're gonna "have" to post something, then you'll start actively looking for inspiration.

Making a color-coordinated, visually-appealing IG is harder than it looks, so think about the aesthetic you're looking to present and work backwards from there. Make a literal chart denoting the color palette for each post and make sure the content remains varied (you risk boring people if you post 5 pictures in a row of your breakfast).

Peruse the popular page to get a feel for trends and start thinking about how you can breathe new life into them. Look through trending hashtags and use ones that relate to your content, eg. #Julyartchallenge (fake tag). Try to get creative with it, like posting an old piece you're proud of and captioning it "July 2017 is still acceptable, right? #Julyartchallenge #tbt (managed to sneak another hashtag on there). Just don't overdo it by adding a million random ones because that reeks of desperation. Good luck anon.

No. 120177

This is gonna sound really childish but it's a real issue. I have never really been on vacation and have only rarely been to some kind of fun event and never a big one, like never been to a convention or anything, every time I date someone I truly have feelings for I get upset that they already did all those things. My bf wants to take me to Paris and I don't want to go because I'm sad that he already went there before, I feel like it wouldn't be a special experience anymore so I'd rather go alone. I feel hurt and sad knowing he did/does all those things without me already and I don't understand why I'm like this but I genuinely get upset and cry.. I wish I could talk to him about how I feel but we struggle to have important conversations because of the way he reacts, I guess he sucks at talking about things + he's not great at speaking our language.

No. 120179

I can kinda relate to your problem. I realized guys take every girl to the same places and say the same things, like even the same exact spot to sit in the park. However I don't believe it is "more" special for him the first time a guy did something vs the 20th. Men are experience-based creatures and enjoy everything about the same amount every time imo. Just enjoy yourself doing whatever and appreciate the fact that you probably won't get lost or argue due to his prior experiences

No. 120187

I've come into a lot of introspection recently and found that I have a skewed view of myself and other women. I try too hard to be better than a "woman should be," and it's fucked up my self-esteem and thought processes. I feel like being a woman is a negative character trait- something I associate with spending a lot of time on imageboards and talking anon with a bunch of men with similarly warped views of women.

Has anybody had a similar experience and do you guys know how I can fix this? I'm at a loss currently.

No. 120190

>my bf wants to take me to Paris
Provided you've been dating for a while, take him up on it. Then you will have one more experience. Also, he may have been to Paris but never with you, so it'll be special for him, too.

No. 120195

File: 1564194633461.jpg (71.92 KB, 750x612, rsefmygc8kz11.jpg)

>Has anybody had a similar experience
Many, considering the endless pickmes, handmaids, cool girls and not-like-the-other-girls there are out there.

Hang around the pink pill thread (maybe repost your question there), /r/gendercritical, any radfem resource is good and you can search the above mentioned terms to find relevant discussion. Absolutely stop visiting male dominated sites. Competing with other women actively benefits men, so they encourage it every chance they get.

No. 120197

i had sex with a guy (he pulled out) without any contraceptives and 2-3 days later my period started. Is it worth taking a pregnancy test to be safe?

No. 120199

If you're worried, you should take a test. Also please use contraceptives when you have sex, anon.

No. 120201

File: 1564198043312.jpg (104.17 KB, 917x960, 67248468_430087334386640_80324…)

Hi, yes. This phenomenon is what is often referred to - sometimes cruelly, but certainly accurately - as being a "pick me bitch", "Cool Girl" or "Not Like Other Girls" or an abbreviation of these terms.

It is a natural and incredibly common response to growing up and attempting to assert your personhood as a woman in a society where femininity is routinely and incessantly degraded.

It is especially intensified and concentrated in spaces which are even more male-coded and male-dominated than the real world, such as: the Internet.

I do genuinely believe that every single woman posting here has gone or is going through her own NLOG stage. Some of us are older, have grown out of it or are trying to critically assess the societal narrative that has been pushed to and about women, and some are still in their first stage of moral development and are yet to tackle their Cool Girl-itis. You'll tend to find more of the former group in the pinkpill thread, and the latter around /g/.

If you want to do some reading around the concept I'd recommend starting with the "Cool Girl" speech from Gone Girl and its analyses, and the book Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay. Keep being critical of your biases and prejudices towards women, or "types" of women, and always keep asking yourself - who does this assumption serve? Does it really make you feel better about yourself, whilst simultaneously requiring you to shit on other women? Is holding these opinions about the group to which you belong making you feel more a part of it, or is it pitting you against other women and actually distancing you from them? Who's really benefiting from that?

Remember: we all want to be recognised as full humans and not a one-dimensional caricature of the despised feminine, but you can't deny that stereotype's existence AND simultaneously position yourself in contrast to it. You must refute its existence entirely - or you'll just end up getting lumped in with it anyway.

No. 120214

It being just as special or basically not special each time sounds both sad and comforting lol..
I hope so, thanks.

No. 120216

You're probably not pregnant, but I got knocked up via that exact scenario, so yes, take a pregnancy test.

Bio-sperg, for dumbshits like me that thought there was noooooooo way such a thing could happen so Plan B was toooootally unnecessary:

When a dude orgasms, some trace amounts of sperm remain in his urethra, which can later get mixed in with pre-cum. That's how you get impregnanted by a guy that pulled out just fine.

As for the timing, ovulation usually occurs ~2 weeks into your cycle, but sometimes you body is like, 'lol fuck you' and drops the ovum way early or way late. A couple of days before your period is totally plausible.

And as for the period, implantation bleeding is normal but seems like a short, light period. However, I had a period that was barely lighter than my normal moderate/heavy periods, and then a month later I had another, though noticeably lighter, period. I've had implantation bleeding before, and it was nothing like that. Biologically speaking, it shouldn't happen, but sometimes bodies are stupid.

Good luck.

No. 120232

When will it grow back? Assuming it might take many strips and an hour for me to remove everything it better take a while.

No. 120239

For me it’s usually between 1-2 weeks. It’s hard to say.

No. 120293

I'm not the anon you're replying to but you really hit the nail on the head there. That post in your image explains it really well too, I'll be saving that and looking at it every so often.
Being "not like other girls" and therefore stereotyping other girls is the first step to realizing the larger societal issue that behaviour points to.

No. 120325

Any anons have any tips on coping with dissociation? It's hard for me to feel grounded during these times, I know waiting it out is the key, but maybe someone would have suggestions to help with the waiting?
Also I'm avoiding taking any medications or suppliments, they tend to make things worse for me in the long run.

No. 120334

how strong are your dissociative episodes, anon?

No. 120338

They can last hours at a time. Off and on and usually go on for 3 to 5 days.

No. 120340

File: 1564374955878.jpg (33.13 KB, 505x431, when-nick-young-the-basketball…)

I met some weird guy on Reddit who gets upset when I ask him basic questions about himself even though he added me on discord so that we could play a certain video game together. He also told me he keeps his gaming, social, work, and love life separate even though all or most of those bleed into each other, don't they? What the fuck does that even mean lmao. What's wrong with this dude? I was hoping we could become friends and play vidya but I guess not since he wants to act autistic. Should I block his ass? What is this sort of behavior?

No. 120341

there really isnt anything wrong with not revealing yourself to a stranger online that you hardly know. good on him for not being so upfront. its not autistic to not powerlevel yourself all over the internet.

social media has really changed the way we use the internet over the last decade and its really all for the worse.

No. 120342

>wanting to get to know someone = powerleveling and social media influence
Guess I should've expected an equally autistic response on an anonymous imageboard. My bad for wanting to talk and use multiplayer and discord for their intended purposes.

No. 120343

Some people compartmentalize, some people don't. There are people on the internet I've been friends with for years and people I'll never talk to or think about when we're not playing League. No sense asking lolcow for permission not to talk to someone, though. If you want to chat more and he doesn't and that's not okay with you, then bounce.

No. 120344

the real advice i can give you anon is learn to fuckin chill a little. you getting jumped up about someone not using something the way you believe it to be used. find someone else more responsive to conversation and respect the fact home boy doesnt want to hang out with you.

No. 120345

You right. I'm gonna fuck off then cuz I ain't about to waste mine and his time. Still weird to me, guess I'm a little more social but whatever.

No. 120359

I got 2 separate issues;

1. My two best friends for the past 13 years, are now emotionally absent. I moved country 3 years ago and visit when I can , but nothing of emotional depth or uncomfortable is ever discussed, which is what was so valuable about the relationship in the first place. There are some clear issues with the dynamic, one got a gf and now acts like we don't exist unless it's convenient to him, yet when I try bring it up its shut down by both. The other is obviously overwhelmed with work and doesn't live much a life, just binging TV shows and food, constantly exhausted and complaining about how he's getting fat, but he'll go defensive then silent if I bring it up.
I went on a rant the other day about it to them when something relevant triggered it, but all I got was "that's a weird reaction. Anyway…".
Do I cut the cord? I'm now living with my bf in another country, no social network, socially stunted and picky, so I'll be alone a long time if I do.

2.bf. So for one, I'm concerned he has no empathy. He's very nice, but it's like he needs to be convinced to be remorseful if he hurts me in some way. He'll say sorry immediately, but it's more like he's sorry that I'm upset, which then sucks for him, not because he's upset I'm upset. If I try get him to actually understand where he went wrong (like not respecting what's important to me) it is SO HARD to get it through to him. Like how do you get through to someone that you should care about what your partner thinks?

No. 120360

Prematurely posted.
Secondly with the bf, he'll often double down on what I'm disagreeing with, and turn into this absolute viper.
Like I'll convince him that lying to save himself discomfort is a selfish thing to do, doing something while aware it'd hurt your gf without considering that is a selfish thing to do, he's free to do it but has to deal with knowing it hurts me. then when brought up again he turned it around and called me selfish and warped for thinking that my view matters more because I'm more emotional (read:upset and betrayed) that it's more valid. Like no. It's called caring about what your gf thinks,and being upset when your bf doesn't think to take it into consideration. So the. It aaall repeats again when basically all I'm asking him for is to give a shit about how I feel.

Finally, I believe he thinks that the relationship is doomed to fail. If I bring a problem he's like "well break up then" instead of working to fix it. Before me, he's been alone all his life. Never sustained a close friendship, so i think he's developed this pattern of putting himself and what he wants first, always.

I've demanded he get therapy and he agrees, but since every argument takes about 5 hours before he's like "ok ill take into account how you feel", I think I'm failing to put things in a succinct way for him to understand.

It'd be easier to give up but I feel a close connection and a healthier dynamic than any other partner. Not to mention I'm currently dependent and in a foreign country, splitting up would really mean starting life over. I don't think he's a psycho, but i do think his mental processing is completely fucked up, and these attacks are some defense mechanism.

No. 120439

I had a similar problem with my bf where I felt he had too low empathy but you might need to provide more specific examples of what he does that hurts you. If there are many examples of him being horrible to you then it's different, but otherwise..

This won't be easy to hear but there are two sides to every story. Sometimes if he feels that you overreact to things, his feelings might be as valid as yours.

My bf keeps his emotions in check and it's very hard to 'hurt' him. I once saw his brother say some terrible things, designed to wound, to him in an argument and he just smirked and shook his head. Me, on the other hand, I get emotional, I cry, if I feel he's being inconsiderate I feel pain. And I didn't understand why when I wanted him to care that he hurt me he just went cold. It wasn't until my boyfriend got to the end of his tether and exploded that I understood his perspective. To him it seemed like most of the time he was just being himself and trying to be together and I was turning mountains into molehills. I screamed at him 'Why don't you care that you hurt me?'
He shouted back with genuine bafflement 'Everything hurts you'
To him, my frequent accusations that he didn't care, that he was cold and cruel - that was painful to him. His tolerance for what is upsetting is so different to mine. My world of swirling emotions is alien to him.

That doesn't mean he's incapable of empathy, but to him constantly having to empathise with my higher emotional sensitivity is EXHAUSTING and unfair.

Of course stuff like lying to you is objectively bad and he needs to understand that. Which brings me to how he becomes a 'viper'. I can totally relate. My bf, if he feels he is being attacked or I'm being a bitch, it's like he turns his feelings for me off and becomes this cold, sometimes vicious person, all full of arrogant contempt.

You need to talk together when neither of you are angry or upset and discuss how you resolve conflicts. He needs to recognise that when he gets in that viper mood he should not say anything hurtful to you. You probably need to change something in how you address conflict as well. When discussing this with him, try hard to be fair to eachother. Say something understanding or positive before something critical. Don't demand total adherence to your standards, ask him to consider changing something as a favour to you.

No. 120453

No. 120470

any other anons here interested in working (or currently work) in the medical field?

I’m genuinely interested in becoming a first responder, and eventually finishing my undergrad to apply for PA school. Any words of wisdom or advice I should know before getting into emergency medicine?

No. 120475

I live with my gf, and i love her to bits, but oh my GOD she is untidy. We have lived together for almost a year now, and its starting to get on my nerves. At first it was just leaving clothes in the bathroom, leaving dishes in the sink etc. But now she straight up just drops banana peels, apple cores, juice cartons on the floor and bed and doesnt tidy it up. Ive talked to her about it a bit and she somehow always twists it to make it seem like im being dramatic and unessecarily rude to her. The thing is, when she lived alone she was slightly messy but not as bad as this. She claims her depression is the reason shes messy which i can understand but i think shes putting in no effort to be tidy. Her herself is tidy, as in she always wears clean clothes,washes daily, brushes teeth etc. Her habits are just filthy though. I dint wanna move apart or break up or anything because this is literally the only thing pissing me off about living w her… idk what to do?

No. 120484

No offense intended since you seem "happy" with this situation, but your cold as ice boyfriend who thinks you have "too many feelings" and it's exhuasting to be with you? Maybe try finding a guy with some empathy or emotions, or at least an attempt to pretend he has some?

Surely it's just as exhausting for you talking to a brick wall who hurts you, than it is for him to have a human being with emotions in his vicinity

No. 120485

I am untidy but I still draw the line at decomposing food waste being left in your bed, jesus

No. 120486

Is there a point in taking anti-depressants if I am not bedridden. I have dysthymia, meaning in short that I prefer death but I still get up and get shit done. I took lexapro and it did nothing but make me feel apathetic. My doctor was saying meds are usually for those who are barely functioning. Is that true? I'm tired of feeling like every good thing is a bad thing. I'm tired of constantly feeling unsure and insecure. I don't know if medication could ever fix those things.
(edit: I know medication is not a miracle pill. I realize I eventually should seek therapy, when I can afford it)

No. 120489

Seconded. He sounds miserable to be with.

No. 120496

The whole point was that if there's a core problem like that in a relationship and all you can see is how bad it is for you and how the other person needs to change, that's not empathy. That's like, the opposite of what empathy is. Every real solution has to start with the recognition from both parties that the other person's perspective has merit.

His lower sensitivity to negative emotions doesn't mean he's a cold unloving robot, his relentless positive energy amazes me and warms me in bad times and despite having to work through problems relating to eachother I'd never ever trade him for anyone else.
So, er, fuck you.

No. 120498

Kind of feel like killing myself cause of my height (6'1). I'm always feeling manly and not cute because of it. I don't even care if people say "tall girls are hot" because I don't really give a shit about being hot. I want to be small and cute. But height is, like, the one thing a person can't change about themselves and since I'll never be cute, I'll never be happy so I feel like I should just fucking end it all : /

No. 120504

I feel you, anon… I hate how dismissive people are whenever I try bringing up how huge of a problem this has been for me all my life, they just don't know what it feels like to be in our skin.
Sadly I have no advice

No. 120505


Yes. Yes yes yes yes oh god please listen to me, yes.

Starter doses of medications and "introductory" types of therapy like CBT are all described as treatments for the same thing in literate: "mild to moderate depression". That's the medium. If you're already showing depressive symptoms, like feeling tired all the time, lack of interest in what used to motivate you, feeling bored by everything or like you've done everything before, you are showing "mild to moderate depression". Intervention at this stage is so much more effective and you can prescribe drugs for it because the last thing you want is for it to turn into "severe depression". That's the bedridden, 'I can't open my mouth without my lips sticking together like sandpaper but I also still just don't care about drinking water' stage. And from experience, someone trying to slap a short term course of CBT on severe, suicidal depression is an exercise of such darkly hilarious futility I hope you never have to go through it.

I know these trite "physical health is the same as mental health uwu" analogies are shit but you don't wait until both kidneys are dead to put someone on the transplant list. You can't operate on a corpse. Take the "mild to moderate" interventions now before you're the corpse.

No. 120506

This is dumb but how do I feel more confident barefaced? I can only feel decent about myself when I have some makeup on, my contact lenses in, and my hair down and styled, but I don't put that effort in everyday especially when I'm not leaving the house so I spend a lot of time barefaced with glasses on and my hair up in a ponytail or bun but I feel so ugly and frumpy. Other girls look cute and comfy when they do it but I can't pull it off. How do I get over my insecurities and just chill out?

No. 120508

i'm having rectal prolapse surgery next week and i was too nervous to ask dr questions while scheduling it a month ago. i barely know what method they're using or what recovery will be like. they're using mesh.
i have the 24hr pre-surgery instructions ready, i'm excited to fix my body, but what are the chances they'll make a mistake?

and does a liquid diet afterwards mean those ensure drinks?

does any anon have advice about surgeries?

No. 120510

There's no simple answer to this. Learning to feel comfortable in your own skin when you are insecure is hard, there's no shortcut to genuinely reaching a place where you accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all.

No. 120531

It’s just that, from the way you described it, he sounds like an emotionally immature manchild who doesn’t know how to express empathy. But if you’re happy, then do your thing.

No. 120534

Is platonic cuddling a bad idea if I'm not seeing a potential relationship with someone? If he gets a boner, how should I handle it? I'm not looking for a fuck but just nice cuddles. Is that being naive?

No. 120549

If he gets a boner, then thats not your problem lmao. Also who gets boners from cuddling past middle school

No. 120558

End it–if he gets a boner it stops being platonic cuddling
He won't necessarily try to make a move, but for the most part, when dudes gets boners its because something sexual stirred up in them
He might try to pass it off as a random boner, and that does happen, but honestly you should just try ending it before it gets more weird

No. 120559

I make around 2.4k a month and there's this kinda nice apartment that's 815
If I add rent, utilities, car payments, etc, it comes out to just a bit more than half what I make a month

That's not the most secure way to live, but should I just go for it?
I'm young, I'm up for a raise soon, and I'd love to live by myself

No. 120563

File: 1564628740984.jpeg (121.55 KB, 895x782, 4B574544-9F77-4F0A-B657-10E026…)

Hi anons, I need some help and I figured this would be the best place to ask. I’m sick of men, and I don’t want to be romantically involved with them anymore. I’m bisexual and out, but I want to start dating girls. I feel like when I say I’m bisexual, it comes off like I’m not serious about dating girls (I never have because I’ve always been in relationships with guys where I use them and they use me). I feel like if I just said I was a lesbian, guys would treat me how they treat each other and chill out on the creeper shit, and girls would take me seriously. I would consider hooking up with a guy maybe in the future, but I prefer sleeping with girls right now. it feels wrong to call myself a lesbian when I’ve never actually dated a girl, and had lots of boyfriends. I’m not sure if I’m just trying to label myself, I’m just sick of men treating me like a fuck doll because they gave me a free bump or they bought a drink for me. Ian it wrong to call myself a lesbian?

No. 120564

If your savings are looking healthy, around 3 months rent at least, I would go for it

No. 120565

It's an involuntary response lmao, how old are you?

No. 120567

this happens in "professional" cuddling. the boner doesn't mean he is trying to initiate sex. just ignore it unless he tries to initiate.

No. 120569

any anons have advice on how to look good in pictures? i've always found that i look like shit in photos and as a result never really liked getting my photo taken, but a lot of my friends are really active on instagram and insist on taking group pictures whenever we go out to do something. one said friend mentioned to me how learning how to pose is the key to looking photogenic in pictures. i'd just like to know what to do when i see a friend point their phone at me instead of freeze up like a deer in headlights because i always feel that i end up looking frumpy or awkward even when i smile and try to look like i'm having a good time.

No. 120570

I am no expert, but from observation, turn your body to the side, show the "best" side of your face or hair, or just the front if that's the best.
Tilt your head downwards slightly if the photographer is shorter than you.
One thing I haven't tried but would probably help is a slight duck pose, upper body forward, butt out. This narrows the legs and makes you look thinner
Practice poses in the mirror and especially imagine photographers at angles other than your head height. A lot of people hold the camera quite low which is bad news for taller girls and those who are dressing and looking good for their eyeline (a normal mirror view)

Also practice taking photos and videos of yourself at home so you know what looks good.

No. 120575

Calling yourself lesbian just for cool points with guys is pathetic.
If you're that sick of men, maybe don't focus your indentity around them.

No. 120578

Fuck, no. Don’t call yourself a lesbian if you aren’t one. Especially not to be ~one of the boys because if you look fuckable enough and behave feminine enough around them, they won’t care what your sexuality is. At least as long as you don’t have a dick.
When asked about it or you’re being hit on or whatever simply say you’re not interested in/dating men. As I said, it won’t really make a difference though. It’s not like they’ll be ‘oh okay then let’s hang out and do bro stuff’. They’ll try to fix you because they surely have the magic dick that will turn you straight.
tl;dr as long as they want to fuck you your sexuality doesn’t matter anyways so don’t lie

As for other girls just be honest. Lesbians are already suspicious of bisexuals and too often are afraid they’re gonna be dumped for a guy eventually. By lying to them about your sexuality you’re contributing to the stereotype, because if you end up dating a guy again, they’ll feel betrayed and it will just further increase their distrust towards bisexuals.
Just be honest, even though it might result in less women being willing to date. Everything else isn’t fair to anyone.

No. 120618

Thanks anons, you guys are right. I wish I could live in a city where women were the only sex there but whatever

No. 120624

Are softboys more common now than fuckboys? I swear the world is filled with these fake uwu men now who come on really strong and try to coerce you into being a thing but ghost you as soon as you catch on that they're obsessing over several other girls, usually egirls out of their league, too. Why is this a thing?

No. 120629

Isn’t soft boy usually used to refer to girls that pretend to be transmasc but don’t bother to pass as an actual guy (i.e. wear make up, dress and act pretty feminine)?

No. 120630

I thought softboy was just this decade's metrosexual

No. 120643

I've recently started going bareface as of this year and it's quite liberating. I found the best way to get comfortable is to start off with everything perfect except for your face… meaning that your hair is still clean, your clothes are pretty and neat, and maybe even a bit of mascara. Do this when you go out for groceries, or small tasks where you don't face that many people and then slowly expand from that. I say this because before, I could not leave without a full face + outfit just to go buy batteries.
Feels good to slowly step into not giving a fuck and realizing just how much others do not give a fuck. Goodluck!

No. 120650

This is such a stupid question but how the fuck do I talk to my crush and get his number? Or tips on how to be less of a nervous wreck when he's around?

I feel so stupid because even though I've had a boyfriend before and have done stuff with other guys I am so hopeless with this guy and have no idea wtf to do. Every time I see him I get so nervous my hands shake and my mind just goes blank. I feel like some silly middle schooler when I'm in my twenties. I can't even bring myself to act flirty and show I'm really interested because I'm so nervous, am not sure if he likes me back, and because I'm not sure it would be appropriate/professional to ask for it anyway even if he did like me too (he comes into my work to deliver stuff as part of his job)

No. 120656


I'm thinking of the wrong work then, I'm talking about those eboys who act all uwu and try to woo you but ultimately they're just cold hearted fuckboys who ghost you as soon as any commitment is involved and say they need time to think but in reality they're doing the same to multiple girls at once and don't want to get caught

No. 120660

I don't think it's inappropriate if he only comes by to deliver things. either way I don't think having a crush is ever truly inappropriate although it would be a bit odd/inconvenient if it was your boss or something

No. 120663

I'm considering getting a divorce and I haven't even been married an entire year.
Honestly I think getting married was the biggest mistake I've made my entire life and idk what to do now.

No. 120691

why? we need more info!

No. 120709

This is sorta a silly question but is it a good idea to travel alone?

I like doing simple activities by myself (i.e. going shopping, chilling at a local park) and I'm thinking about starting to do things like eat at restaurants or visit museums by myself. I've even thought about traveling to different states/countries alone. It's just a hassle to find someone who wants to do those activities with me. But is it smart for a young woman (I'm 21) to travel by herself? I've always been told to have a companion in order to minimize the risk of being harmed/attacked. Any anons have experience with this type of stuff?
Also will being alone in public make me seem pathetic? It might be weird if everyone is in groups and I'm just wondering around by myself.

No. 120719

it's really obvious that my boyfriend prioritizes video games over seeing me. i know he has some issues with anxiety and leaving the house so i understand and i'm not so upset to the point of a break up. it's just that we don't see eachother that often, we see eachother about once a week sometimes once every two weeks, which isn't a lot compared to other couples or even friends. does anyone know a way that i could approach him about it upsetting me and wanting to see him more without sounding like a needy bitch whos ignoring his problems or am i being unreasonable ?

No. 120721

what’s the best approach towards getting rid of prominent nasolabial folds? fillers? surgery? I already religiously take care of my skin and diet, idk what to do at this point I feel like I’m aging like rotten milk

No. 120735

Probably fillers but I think you are probably the only person who notices the problem. People in real life don't care especially if the rest of you is being maintained well.

No. 120743


I mean as someone who struggled with anxiety and leaving the house when I was younger it usually means that the few relationships you do have you appreciate more.. you have fewer relationships but invest more in them.

Don't walk on eggshells just cos he has anxiety, you are not needy for wanting more than one hangout a fortnight. That doesn't even sound like a relationship

No. 120750

You don't sound mentally well. That's not even a dig.

No. 120760

Get off lolcow and realize that people out there in real life think that you, Dakota, and Kiki are actually very pretty and that you have normal human skin that will bend and fold all the time.

No. 120773

Him not making time to see you is not anxiety, it's him being a shitty bf to you. At the end of the day how much one wants to be around their s.o. is among the criteria when one determines if they are compatible with their partner. You need someone that agrees with you on how much time should be spent together.

Gaming your life away is a form of self-harm but he's gonna have to be accountable for the choices he is making. Feeling anxiety vs letting it tell you what to do are different things and he's gonna have to learn to take action even if his mind is throwing a tantrum. People that blame their mistakes on their ailments are just not grown enough.

No. 120869

Last night I got drunk with my flatmate and told him some pretty personal relationship issues that I regret telling him about and that my boyfriend is extremly insecure about. Him and my boyfriend are also friends.
The problem is, the guilt is eating me alive. The flatmate has told me he won't tell him and we'll pretend it never happened and he doesn't think of him any differently. I feel like I am an honest person so I want to tell my boyfriend that I told him about our issues but I know it would destroy him and possibly fuck up the way he sees me and our relationship but I don't feel like I can live with what I've done and how I betrayed him. I don't know what to do because I'm feeling horrible, I don't want to hurt him but I regret doing it and it was a drunk mistake. Help please

No. 120874


Did you tell him stuff that's a shared issue just within the relationship or about a pre-existing problem your bf has?

In one way we're all entitled to vent to friends about relationship issues so it depends on whether it's a relationship issue or something more personal to the bf. More context would help

No. 120875

Its kind of both. It is to do with the relationship, it affects it greatly but it is an issue he deals with personally that doesn't seem to be getting better or changing.

No. 120883

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How do you learn to like or even approach loving yourself? How do you actively care about your own welfare when you've always felt and been told that you're damaged goods?

Asking for a friend, obviously.

No. 120895


Dealt with a lot of low self esteem too so still not perfect now but it can gradually improve with age and with independence/learning that people come and go and you're ultimately in charge of yourself. Letting go of shitty people and accepting we can only control our own actions. People who are abusive to you will abuse others too so it's not you that's wrong or damaged.

No. 120918

Are there people who share some traits you dislike about yourself, but you like despite those traits? Looking at things you see as flaws from the perspective of "it doesn't make me worthless or unlovable" should help.

Also for me a huge help was trying to think of myself as a friend and act the way I wish a friend would, but towards myself.

As your self-esteem improves, people that respect you will also become attracted to your social circle. Don't worry too much about the people that don't treat you well rn.

No. 120929

Depends on where you are–but definitely carry around some sort of rape alert device, either a whistle or a pull cord buzzer, and some sort of weapon.
I have friends who have guns, friends with mace, friends with knuckledusters.

But most importantly, it's good to be aware of your surroundings and learn how to navigate tense moments. If you are going to be by yourself a lot, take some self defense classes.

Definitely try to avoid traveling alone, or at least try to stay in confirmed safe places, but do what you have to do.

No. 120934

Edc is a nobrainer. Pepper spray, knucks, a tazer, even a knife (useful tool other than for slicing a man kek). Keep them on your person. Obviously you cant carry when youre going abroad so if you decide to buy a trip somewhere, just really watch yourself and dont fall for tourist traps. Stay safe.

No. 120937

fuck you and everyone else who tells people to carry knives. if you don't know how to use a knife you are endangering yourself much more than if you simply didn't carry one at all.

never ever carry knives around.
>you risk hurting yourself
>you risk accidentally hurting someone unintentionally
>you risk the aggressor pulling out a knife they know how to use, or a gun, which likely wouldn't have happened otherwise
>you risk breaking the knife laws in the area you're traveling

none of these are good things.

No. 120940


Thank you for your responses, I can tell this is really good advice and I will try to take it on. I have a lot of mental health issues and think I've just been ghosted by someone I was dating and really liked so it's harder than normal right now to want to take care of myself. You're both very kind.

No. 120957

Did you even read my post? I said it's a tool, not for slicing the aggressor. Everyone carries a knife and police don't give two shits about knife laws if you're in america or canada. You'd be dumb as hell to travel without one. Its EXTREMELY useful, if not the most useful item I listed.

Also why would you accidentally hurt yourself with a knife? Thats not even possible unless youre a child or retarded. Most knives have a safety if its that concerning. Fuck off and stop policing women. You sound like a scrote who's threatened.

No. 120961

I actually don't advise it Anon. I used to go around everywhere on my own 5-10 years ago but I don't feel safe to do so now. People are markedly more aggressive, staring, following etc than they were before. More criminals, more bad vibes. Those people who said you need someone with you are right. Put some time into making some friends (you could go to clubs/groups/etc on your own to meet them, but better if you can bring someone)

You shouldn't have to consider traveling on your own. Carrying a knife, mace, alarm is no good since any attacker will be stronger and faster than you. It might make you feel safer but what are you gonna do with those things?

Make some friends and then start suggesting vacations and trips you can take with them, once you've known them for a few months to a year. You will have more fun with someone else and not be seen as a first target for any scum.

No. 120964

So I told him I did it. I want to fucking die I can't believe I've done this to him and betrayed him like this.
He's probably going to leave me and its all my fault I've thrown away a perfectly fine relationship because of how much of a fucking bitch I am who can't keep her fucking mouth shut I just want to die

No. 120970

are you fucking retarded? women and people in general who get accosted while carrying a knife risk stronger violence. i never said anon should pull a knife on someone, but if a guy is going through your purse and finds a knife he's going to hurt you. also there are tons of areas in the US that specifically fine women for carrying knives that are too big and even pepper spray where it's illegal. you sound more like a man who doesn't know that women get in trouble for trying to defend themselves.

No. 120974

So you and the person you told agreed never to talk about it, and that it was fine. And then you decided to tell your boyfriend about it anyway, for reasons I really cannot discern. If I had a secret, and talking about it would literally only hurt everyone involved, and there were no consequences for not talking about it, I wouldn't talk about it. Was the secret about how he was hitting you, or his coke habit? Maybe you thought your flatmate would eventually let it slip? I don't know. But assuming the secret wasn't illegal, you told him so you wouldn't have to compromise your Saturday-morning cartoon honesty is always the best policy morality, and now you get to move forward with that decision.

And on the side, "because of how much of a fucking bitch I am who can't keep her fucking mouth shut I just want to die"? You sound exhausting. I bet your flatmate has had to develop a really good radar for how much attention you want them to give you when you're whining about something, because if you're having a breakdown about a bad day and they're busy and can't talk, they'll come back to you crying with your hair pulled out and the carpet on fire.

No. 120976

I told him because it was eating me alive and I didn't receive any advice on how to deal with it but thanks for this

No. 120983

Nta but chances are, an attacker's already carrying. A knife is useful for cutting through objects and it's not like the attacker is focused on rummaging through your belongings. I come from a terrible area and the first thing you know is to not step outside without some mace and a blade.

No. 120990

I said keep it on your person, not in your purse lmfao. See you don't even know what you're talking about
Men and rapists are looking for easy targets who won't fight back. To willingly submit with nothing on you is just giving them a chance and is horrible advice. There's no reason for you to be anti knife (kek, wow) and you only mentioned women getting nicked for knife laws which is shady. You just don't want women to be able to defend themselves.
>N-no you're a man
Sure Robert.

No. 120995

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I have a friend who is unemployed but looking for work and gets like $50-100/mo from her dad to do whatever with. She has no bills to pay and lives at home, so she just spends it on clothes and skincare stuff. When we hang out, I pay for everything. I didn't mind at first, but when I found out she was getting some money and still wasn't offering to pay for things or split bills, it kind of pissed me off.

I talked with her about it and said I know she's out of work so I don't expect her to go halfsies every time, but if she's got money to spare, throwing me $10 to cover her cab ride to my place and back or splitting a meal bill would be nice. Still, she never does this unless I straight up ask her to. I'm out of work right now too for medical reasons and am living off savings so it's not like I'm rolling in money.

I almost feel a little taken advantage of, though I doubt that's her real intention. I like hanging out with her but it's getting on my nerves. So, am I being a bitch or what? How would you guys deal with this?

No. 120997

Lmao my friend did this to me. I thought she was impoverished but she was just cheap. Like she had a job and everything but didn’t tell me about it. Up until that point I paid for her food whenever we went out because I felt awkward af just eating in front of somebody else without any food.

I just buy my own shit and eat it in front of her. If she’s too cheap to buy something and enjoy a meal with me, so be it. Idgaf if I feel rude about it anymore. I also complain about her cheapness to our mutual friends and they think I’m a bitch. I fully expect her to offer to pay up after mooching me all these years but she never had. I guess you just have to be confrontational with cheapskates

No. 120998

On which # date would you expect to do the following:

-Hugging goodbye
-Holding hands
-Touching arms/legs while sitting next to each other

Assume a typical relationship (not a one night stand) from a dating app.

No. 121004

1 (if I want to see them again, because I'm not going to hug you goodbye if I never want to be in your presence ever)
3, but maybe 2 if it's a long walk somewhere
2, just to flirt
3-4 depending on how much we talk
I don't have a set number for sex, but it's typically after a few months
However many dates that is

How about you?

No. 121012

>Hugging goodbye
3rd date is ideal for me. But I do it on first because guys ask and I am afraid of being weird
>Holding hands
Probably 3-4th date
>Touching arms/legs while sitting next to each other
4-5 date. Maybe sooner.
5th date?
Unsure. Usually a month of seeing them

Trying to see what the average is. I'm dating and meeting guys on apps and haven't kissed anyone and I'm worried I'm being too prudish.

No. 121015

I've never met a guy who didn't try to kiss me on the first date.

I think just set your own rules for what you're comfortable with and maintain them. Guys will try and get everything as soon as possible. I remember I used to use OKC and it would put guys question answers in the news feed. Most guys anwered "yes" to sex on the first date. You make the rules, not them.

No. 121024

I'm the physical opppsite of my boyfriends ideal type and it makes me feel like shit all the time. I have mental illness and this already makes me feel like I can never believe he actually wants me or loves me. How do I stop feeling this way? I wish men would stfu about super specifics of what they want in a woman (he told me this when we were just friends at the time) because now I feel like I'm nothing and that he'll eventually leave me for his type. Anytime he tells me why he loves me, he says it's for my personality. So…he doesn't physically find me attractive? Why would I want to be with someone who makes me feel undesirable?

No. 121027

Break up with him, people who date someone they aren't attracted to are fucking stupid and careless. It won't get better.

No. 121035

Why would it not be possible to still love and desire someone who is not one's ideal type look-wise? Plus, preferenceres can change with time. He chose to be with you, so it's very likely that he does find you attractive.

No. 121043

Just because you arent someone's ideal type doesn't mean they aren't attracted to you. I have an ideal type as well, but I have been attracted to men who dont fall in that category and I've been turned off by guys who have (physically) matched it. An ideal is just what you imagine in your head, but it doesnt mean it necessarily works out well in real life. Basically what I'm saying is, if you don't match your boyfriend's ideal type it doesn't mean that he doesn't find you attractive. Superficial appearance only determines so much, but there are so many other reasons to love and be attracted to someone beyond just 'they look like my ideal girlfriend/boyfriend.' In fact I think relationships that start out based on that are the ones that are more likely to fail.

Anyhow, hopefully you aren't feeling down because your boyfriend has been bringing down your appearance or comparing you to other women or something. Otherwise that's a whole different problem.

No. 121055

Sometimes your partner makes you realize that you like other things as well? My boyfriend is technically not my "ideal" type but he did make me realize I'm extremely attracted to his type anyway.

No. 121061

No, he hasn't been bringing me down or making remarks or comparisons which I am grateful for. I really want to be with him and love him. Thanks for bringing me back to reality anons. I'm sorry for acting insane, sometimes my brain just tears me apart.

No. 121067

NTA but you sound really immature. Why the fuck are you talking about using it for defense if you claimed it's not for that?

No. 121077

Have fun not being able to cut through restraints and your body bag. Glad my posts continue to trigger you.(sperging)

No. 121079

Are you living in a movie anon? even if you got through the restraints in the Bond movie that is your life, how do you plan on escaping from the car boot/basement/shed that you've been put in without the multiple male criminals who kidnapped you seeing it?

Prevention is better than cure. Carry whatever makes you feel safe and is legal, but primarily people should focus on not being alone outdoors, and staying in safe and busy areas.

No. 121081

Anon most people who fight with a knife end up getting stabbed. It would be easy for a man to overpower a woman and take her knife and use it on her. Real life isn't a movie and pulling a knife out isn't going to scare everyone away. Better off using a taser or pepper spray so you can stun and run.

No. 121094

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So I've been really needing help with this for a while, Farmers…

Me and my S/o have been together for a little over a year and a half now. I lost my virginity to him, we are long distance but we see each other often enough. But, last time he came to visit something really fucked happened.

Before I start this, maybe I'm overreacting. I was raped as a child and sex and sexual situations scare me a lot sometimes now.

The first day he is here, he is already being a annoying asshole. He groped me and tried to make out with me when I tried to make it clear I wasn't down for that, and just all around bugging the shit out of me.

Well, night comes, and I make it very very clear I dont want to do anything sexual with him tonight. Well, we go to bed, and early in the morning I wake up, to what feels like a very awake person unbuttoning my shirt and touching my tits. I'm uncomfortable, but half asleep so I pass back out. Then I wake up again, and hes violently humping basically my leg I try to push him away, hes fucking gripping me, I cant wiggle away, so as I start to cry, I let it happen, I'm scared, I froze up, and started having serious PTSD. His eyes where closed, he didnt seem lucid I guess? Now, I'm gonna go ahead and say, I still live with my parents, so as soon as I can get away from him, I call my mom, who is at work, and she tells me to get my dad, so I tell him, and either their was some major miscommunication or something because from what he tried to tell me and from what my dad tried to say he told him, are entirely different.

I cant handle this, I'm furious, heartbroken, and I'm a sobbing mess, he ends up going home.

We talked, and I forgave him… basically he has me convinced that it was a miscommunication and he was asleep. But, about a month ago now he said he was too afraid to tell me, but he had a dream about what happened but didnt know it was actually happening.

I'm scared, honestly, I dont know what to do, he has tons of photos of me, and even though I dont think he would ever do something with them, the idea still horrifys me.

I keep going back and forth in my head about if he is lying or not, or if it makes my feelings towards what happened less valid

What should I do…

No. 121096

Please leave him. He is a fucking piece of shit and you deserve better.

No. 121097


The fact that you mention being worried about him having photos of you shows there isn't much trust there, you shouldn't be living in fear of him sharing those. Something isn't right there

When it comes to people initiating sexual play while asleep.. I know it's something that can happen when you've shared a bed with someone for a long time and are comfortable but even then you're usually only HALF asleep so I would be very sceptical about his claim of being fully asleep.

With the fact that you freeze up when these things happen (very understandable given your past) I wouldn't share a bed with someone unless that trust is really there. It's too easy for a guy to just claim 'I was asleep'

Of course your feelings are valid and you need to talk to someone (possibly a professional) who will truly listen to them, you describe him as 'convincing' you it was miscommunication but listen to your own gut, you called your parents for help and yet he convinces you it was nothing?? He told your dad a diff story to what he told you and again that's just miscommunication?

No. 121131

these are the beginning signs of abuse, and getting you to believe it's just miscommunication, he was just asleep, your past is making overreact, etc. are forms of gaslighting.

think about what you're saying. your bf believes he has right and full access to YOUR body whenever HE wants. has he ever had sleep disorders of this scale before?? you voicing your discomfort and betrayal and him not happy with your response is NOT a "miscommunication".

No. 121137

Dump this fucking guy. Horrific to try and fuck you while you were asleep. It will only get worse from here. Please leave him.

Aside, I'm so glad you are able to talk to your parents about it.

No. 121161

>being in a LDR

just stop there. everything else stems from the LDR and the guy being an asshole.

No. 121173

Okay anons, I need some advice on whether I should be feeling as bad as I am about this.

I'm going to a concert in a couple of months, and I have a spare ticket. My mum said she'd go with me (I'm early 20's), but if I find someone else to give it to, it's no problem for her. This was a great plan until the guy I like and I bonded over our mutual love for this band, and I mentioned that I had a spare ticket. He said he'd pay me for it and then drive us and we'd attend together. I was really happy about this, but then I started feeling bad about changing the plans that my mum and I had. I enjoy spending time with her, and I know she enjoys it too, so I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'd rather go with the guy I like (which I feel bad saying).

What do you think anons? Should I feel bad about this? I really want to go as a date, which is completely normal for a woman in her early 20s, but don't want to hurt my mum's feelings.

No. 121175

Why don't you go to the concert with the guy, but do something else with your mom to reschedule, like get lunch or go get manicures? Or do something that she'd really like to do, but doesn't want to treat herself with? That way you get to go to the concert with the person you'd rather go with, and you don't feel bad about cancelling spending time with your mum.

No. 121183

Your mom is likely to not care that much about this concert, unless it is a favorite band of hers or something. I doubt she would care and probably glad that this guy wants to drive you instead

As long as the guy is someone you know and trust, since you will be on your own with him.
And seconded the idea of arranging a more mom-suitable outing, like going to a pretty gardens or cake shop.

No. 121225

Your mum mentioned you could go with someone else. Set aside a weekend day in the near future to do something fun with your mom. and go to the concert with this guy.

No. 121226

i need help getting my boyfriend to open up about his problems more often, i understand he doesn't have to tell me anything and he doesn't owe me anything but he just seems so isolated and never tells anyone anything, like ever, at all, he never tells me what's wrong either that or he just says he's sad for no reason which i get but it just worries me and i wish he wouldn't hold everything in because it's not healthy….

No. 121240


Anon I'm so sorry, your boyfriend is a fucking dick and please leave him. He gaslighted you, his intentions are incredibly obvious and if he can't respect you or your boundaries let alone NOT take ADVANTAGE of you while you're sleeping, he's a fucker and he can go. Don't let him manipulate you or your family at all anon. Let us know how things go but know you aren't overreacting or imagining things, please. I had an ex who did similar but also he'd scream abuse at me then tell me I was mishearing him. Abusers always play the miscommunication card.

No. 121292

A lot of guys hate talking about themselves, but love giving advice.
If you wanted to try finessing your way into a conversation about his feelings, try asking for advice on how to deal with something you think he's going through.

Or you could try the old "A friend of mine is going through a tough time and won't talk about it" routine.
That's only if you don't want to be upfront about it, which might be best if he insists that he doesn't want to talk.

I'd try waiting a few days since the last time you tried bringing up his feelings, just so he doesn't automatically shut you out.

No. 121398

I wish Asos had reviews on their store! Everything I've bought been varying in quality and sometimes pieces are alright but just totally fit my body wrong. Really scared to order through them but they're the BEST that I've found for the sheer amount of options and their search function. Do you guys have suggestions for similar online stores that have a catalog and variety even a little like Asos's that have reviews readily available??

No. 121426

File: 1565721902999.jpeg (36.3 KB, 516x579, 2D9A1B22-7CD5-43F0-97CC-428C15…)

i think my boyfriend is becoming a troon and i'm genuinely scared i don't even really have anything against transgender people i just have a feeling that he would be one of those weird alt right nazi animefag trannies that call themselves traps and imo that's the worst kind and i don't know what to do i don't want to break up with him he's said he's not trans multiple times and said he doesn't have "dysphoria" but today he said he doesn't really care if he's called he or she and that's either one step closer to becoming a tranny or he just thinks that he wouldn't mind being called a she until someone actually does and one of his friends is a tranny boi and he's joked with me about him being transgender multiple times so like what if he knows what if he's correct and senses the tranny on him like should i bring it up to him should i ask if he's trans or what i'm so confused

No. 121434

Get out before he even confesses to you. Otherwise he'll say that you breaking up with him was "transphobic" and trust me, you don't want to deal with a tranny smearing your name for the rest of your life.

No. 121436

>he doesn't really care if he's called he or she
even if he isn't a troon, best case scenario he's gender neutral or something and you really want date that kinda idiot?

No. 121484

he sounds really dumb either way and i feel embarrassed for you that you've been intimate with this person

No. 121521

File: 1565786138886.jpg (8.45 KB, 225x224, download (4).jpg)

didn't want to worry him but i finally opened to my boyfriend that i fall down and my body shakes while head uncontrollably hits the floor repeatedly. i am aware while it happens but can only look forward and barely comprehend what my body is doing. bf said i'm having seizures because of my anorexia and malnutrition but i thought ppl don't remember a seizure. :"i can't make you eat but if you're having seizures at your current bmi you will die before your goal." (i admitted i want a low 12)

i call him and eat a snack together so he knows i've eaten we both love asian food or discuss things i want to eat i love food i want to try new ones. my boyfriend asks if i think i can put on weight by myself but i only say idk. i think i need help, ppl tell me i'm too thin or ask do i want to die?
i find out today if accepted to a 6 bed unit do they have waiting lists? in 7 days i'm buying a cake with my bf. on the way to my computer currently i collapsed and tried to stand up only to immediately fall backwards again against a chair and table like a retard. anon is tired and wants to help herself. sage for not eating enough

No. 121682

Anons please help me get over this. My bf likes anime girls and fapping to them and it makes me feel like shit. I'll be honest, don't care about the fapping itself I understand that but it makes me feel like I will never look good enough for him because he's attracted to features that aren't even real. I know this sounds so dumb but I can't help but feel like shit and turned off/disgusted. Can someone tell me how to get over it?

No. 121683


I thought the only guys getting off to that shit were eternal virgins. I wouldn't be able to respect a guy if I knew that about him

No. 121687

It's hard for me to respect it too. There's nothing positive about it for me but he's really sweet otherwise which is why I need to get over it. I feel trapped it feels dumb being upset over a cartoon.

No. 121694

You sound like you're seriously physically ill and need to get medical attention. It sounds a little like epilepsy as well as starvation. Your body is literally shutting itself down. Get medical help now anon.

No. 121697

I mean it's not just a cartoon, depending on what exactly he's watching it can show you how he's views women or whether he's totally able to objectify to a point of getting off to child bodies with beach ball tits..all depends on what the content is on the screen. I don't think you need to just get over it.

No. 121709

Do you live together? I mean then it's kinda expected he's going to fap to either that or regular porn. Just bring it up and see how he reacts. To some people jerking off to porn is like cheating. If he cares about you he'll change. If not then you can drop him and find someone who is a better match.

No. 121714

I didn't say the fapping was a problem. It's the content.

No. 121716

My best friend can’t keep a girlfriend, and I don’t get why.

He has his faults, but he’s empathetic and kind and has real actual feelings. Sad to say, but I think most of us know a man like that is a rarity. They’ve all dumped him with the “sorry I’m just not ready for a relationship and need to work on me”, sometimes completely out of the blue. The only relationship he was in long-term was horribly emotionally abusive. If I hadn’t seen some of it myself, I wouldn’t believe someone would be cartoon villain evil like that.

I don’t know if he’s naturally attracted to emotionally cold or damaged women, or if he has terrible luck, or if he’s pulling some kind of shit I don’t see. He always asks for advice and takes it to heart, and he gives them space and respect; when he likes them he’s not overbearing (at least that I can tell???). He’s tried different ‘strategies’- and that shitty meme about being aloof and showing no vulnerability seems to keep them from dropping him. I insist that you can’t be in a relationship while playing a constant game of mind-chess; if someone seems “eh” toward me, it’s a huge turnoff and I lose interest. And the more vulnerable you are, the more I tend to take greater care with you, and it helps me build trust. He says I’m atypical, and this hasn’t been his experience. Meanwhile I have girlfriends being verbally abused by all the pieces of trash on Tinder- surely this must happen to the girls he’s dated too? If you had to guess, where are things going sideways, and how can I help him?

No. 121723

So if he was fapping to normal porn with plastic porn actresses it would be fine?
Then just admit you are insecure about your body and work on it.

No. 121727

>My best friend
>super detailed history and uwu he's so great and a niceguy and all his girlfriends dump him help me out with whyyyy
ah the ol "I have this friend" story. no scrotes allowed.

No. 121728

No, this is a genuine question. I love the guy and it pains me to see him hurt over and over. I was hoping some of you anons had seen similar situations play out, or could guess what shit he could be doing to drive them away. I’m sure you’ve been in the girl’s shoes before, and could offer insight.

No. 121730

i've been eating more but my boyfriend said he's not attracted to my body and broke up. right as i'm trying to be better?? that fuck masturbated to my pictures over a call. i hope my referral isn't denied.

No. 121732

Work on getting beach ball tits as the other anon mentioned? You sound like a scrote. Let me just magically grow my tits and ass to cartoon proportions. Thats not even half the issue nice projecting though.

No. 121733

No, I mean work on your self-esteem dumbass. You should dislike your bf jerking off to other girls because it's disgusting to do so in a monogamous relationship. not because you can't even stand your own body. You don't even love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to?

No. 121734

I live with my bf and 2 other roommates and I catching feelings for the other 2 as well, as my relationship with my bf is being strained, what do I do? Also we are all asexual, no sex is involved :i

No. 121735

Except thats exactly what he's doing except theyre the embodiment of sex objects and children. It's bullshit.

No. 121736

Yes, but the fact that he does jack off to this shit means he is not very loyal and it will probably affect their sex life sooner or later. It says nothing about how attractive she is, but says volumes about him, is what I'm saying.

I think what will be the deciding factor in all this will be how he reacts when she decides to communicate all this to him. But if a guy is already neurotically jerking it to porn it's already a bad sign. Some men are just like that and can't change

No. 121740

Asexuality isn't a thing.

No. 121743

Okay let me say this, no one is interested in have sex in the house lol

No. 121767

Why don't you think asexuality is a thing? There are people attracted to the weirdest shit, why is a lack of attraction so unbelievable?

No. 121768

I'm wishing you the best. Please do stick to the idea of getting professional help because you can't do it alone if you're that far gone.

No. 121770


How do four asexual people meet like that?

No. 121774

Met one of the roommates first as a friend, he introduced me to the other 2, clicked really well with my bf, other roommate is sexually repulsed, me & bf honestly dont like the energy that it takes to go into sex, but enjoy snogging and cuddling, other roommate just never has had the interest in sex

No. 121777

So, long story as short as it can get:
>Meets guy ten years ago.
>Love at first sight.
>Falls madly in love, have great relationship.
>He leaves me, it is justified in hindsight bc was kind of a bitch due to life struggles at the time.
>Breaks my heart, takes a long-ass time, gets over him, moves on.
>Stay friends the whole time tho, talk sporadically throughout the years, meet when we are close to one another. Friendship has been good all the way.
>I recently got out of other serious relationship due to wanting to be child-free and that ex does not.
>Guy from ten years ago is in a serious relationship too atm.
>Guy from ten years ago comes to visit, we hang out, we get along massively.
This is where it gets complicated.

He tells me he basically regrets his choice to leave, he misses me, he feels so comfortable with me, that he would like another chance, that he's never felt the same about anyone else (Nor have I). Says he's just waiting for me to say he can come home. (To me that is)
(Nothing sexual or innapropriate happens due to his GF)
I'm not 100% sure I can trust what he says, because im a skeptic.

Never expected this, never expected him to admit he regrets leaving, never expected or thought he wanted me back, didn't even think he did.
Any advice on what I should do, what I should watch out for?

No. 121781

I'd be sceptical too, I mean you were apart for a long time and he was doing just fine without you.. now he wants to hop directly from one relationship into another? Doesn't sound like the healthiest person.

Is he staying with the current gf til you tell him what to do? Pretty shitty for her and her future trust in guys

No. 121790

Yeah I think it's a little weird, it's so out of nowhere, ten years later, da fuq?

>Is he staying with the current gf til you tell him what to do? Pretty shitty for her and her future trust in guys

I know, which is why I've been considering telling him if he's not happy to just leave her, and be single for a while to see if he can. (I'm not getting hurt by this guy again. I've never taken back an ex before, this is the first time I've entertained the thought.)
Keep in mind I don't know the following for sure, and I haven't really kept up with his life and what he was doing, but he does seem to be a bit of a serial monogamist. (I say this because he left a gf he had and got with me really soon after, he got a new gf very soon after leaving me, and I didn't pay attention to what happened after that, but for the majority of his time he seems to never really be single for long periods of time.)

If he's not happy with her he should leave for both their sakes IMO. I think its BS to keep her on the burner like that, and come running to me. If that's how you want to get your second chance what in the ever-living fuck makes you think I would ever trust you 100%?
I'm fine on my own and I want to remain single for a while anyways.
I'm only torn because muh first love, and because he's honestly really funny and awesome in general except for this bit.

I just don't know, is it weird to be like "Leave her and be single for a while and then we'll see, maybe." I have no problems telling him straight up I don't trust you, earn my trust. But I don't know if that would be so smart. Thoughts?

No. 121794

Okay, I went through some stuff, majorly depressed, and I pushed all my friends away because I was heavily considering suicide

I'm not dead, I'm not super thinking about it too hard right now, so far from saying I'm not suicidal but I'm not an immediate threat and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be okay for the next year

problem is, I feel bad for what I did to my friends, two of them in particular, but mostly I just stopped responding to them and told them I didn't want to be friends/we can't be friends anymore
And while I'm okay with not being friends, I have to lie in my bed and all, I still feel like I should apologize and at least let them know that I was just in a bad place and didn't really want to hurt them any further

Would reaching out to them be hypocritical or damaging to them? The worst that I could do is invite them into my life and push them back out when I inevitably get into my feelings too much, so I want to avoid that

I'd be more than open to being friends, but I would just feel bad and I'd know that I'd always have this potential to hurt them
Maybe I should do it anonymously? I still check on them sometimes to see how they are doing

No. 121796

as someone who has been ghosted before, I think reaching out to them would be fine as long as you explained to them why you did what you did (about your mental health etc)

No. 121918

File: 1566287963438.jpeg (44.67 KB, 329x500, images (1).jpeg)

Can someone recommend me books where female characters save suffering male characters?
Like Irina and Mirnatius from Spinning Silver (someone mentioned Mirnatius on the husbando thread and I decided to read the book, am satisfied, 10/10)

No. 121995

Hi, how do I stop being so toxic and jealous?

I met a woman at some random online meetup thing, and when she was talking about political and anthropological issues, and I was honestly intimidated by all the terms she used in a casual, not showoff way. I just listened, because I couldn‘t contribute. She was also very pretty, and had a fit body. She was considerate in conversation and seemed nice.

I guess to ease myself I stereotyped her as privileged, well off, probably studying something arts or philosophy related with that kind of vocabulary.

But I saw her again at my bf‘s work, and I was surprised. It‘s more like an engineering, hard sciences place where you definitely get in based on merit. So she‘s just really smart, kind and pretty.

My insecurity got the better of me and I asked bf if he thinks she‘s attractive, he was like "eh", probably because he knew how I felt, but I guess his opinion didn‘t matter too much.

I‘m the one who thinks she‘s better in EVERY way. And it just eats me up. I was going to try be her friend (posted in the confession thread) but I was just…scared I guess.

And so she‘s probably living her best life, feeling accomplished and all that, while I‘m sitting here consumed with jealousy, like an ugly stepsister. I want to be like her. I want to be better.

No. 121998

Hey ladies, I usually just lurk on here for the Kpop Critical threads but I'm in a seriously bad place right now. I've been doing cam stuff and sending old men vids and pics of myself since I was 14 and now I'm 18 and I seriously want to stop. I don't know why but after I got molested and raped for 3 years by a religious authority it seriously fucked up my brain and sexuality. I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian but I feel like I'm lying to myself. I think because I didn't have a father or brother I seek male validation from the internet. I don't know, I'm not sure. I've been feeling suicidal since I was 13 it comes and goes, but right now it's really bad. I've been crying non stop for days, and puking out everything I eat. I don't know what's happening, I've been feeling very bad about my body and what I've been doing. I didn't do it for pay, btw. I found this one dude who was helping me sort out my emotions but he lives so far and the timezones makes it so that I can't talk to him much. He's 25. And whenever I talk to him or whatever I just get so unstable, I feel like I'm emotionally dependent on him so whenever we can't talk I get really insane. I think he's to be trusted. I just don't know what I'm talking about. I want to stop feeling so bad. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I don't really have friends. Is there any advice for me to get more stable? I think I might have bpd, but I can't afford a therapist. I live in a Muslim country. It's bad here. I haven't been enjoying any of my hobbies since the past 6 months. All I do is make videos for those men and just browse to distract myself. Idk

No. 122002

I get how you're feeling. I'm easily intimidated by other women as well and tend to romanticize their lives and grow to resent them for it. I think for me it's because I was always on the depressed side and my best friends in high school were very beautiful, socially competent and seemed to have loads of energy at all times. They were wonderful people but it made me feel like the dumpy one.
Nowadays I try to overcome these feelings because being friends with someone genuinely cool can give you positive role models as well. When you find out you can share things with them and talk to them on an equal level you'll probably find it easier to let go of that inequality you've created in your mind.

This is why hanging out with just girls can be great. It really doesn't matter who is more attractive or has a cooler life if you just enjoy interacting with eachother. In the end, your issues are pretty much caused by how you think other people or society judge you, whereas in a friendship those things really have no place.
If she's really that kind she'll confirm that notion and if she doesn't, well, turns out she wasn't that great after all then.

No. 122008

I have a crush on this guy at Uni but I don't even know how to talk to him. I don't want to randomly come up to him and just start a conversation bc I feel I'd look creepy but I honestly don't know what else to do. One of my classes has already set group tables for an assignment and my other class with him is just for lectures. I feel autistic asking for advice but I'm honestly so shit at starting conversations.

No. 122010

If you share two classes that's a good opener!
When you're leaving one of them, approach him when he's walking alone and say something like "hey, do we share x class?" Then ask him about his studies and go from there.
I made a male friend that way last fall and had a girl approach me similarly once. It's not too weird and almost easymode when it comes to cold approaches. If you had nothing in common it might be creepy to him, but luckily you do.

No. 122011

use it as a drive to improve yourself. She's smart, pretty, kind and kind. You can become all of that too.

No. 122016

The other anon is right, use the fact that you have multiple classes together to your advantage. It's not weird or creepy at all to talk to your classmates, it happens all the time.
Plus most guys are attention starved and love it when women approach them first so odds are he'll be happy you came to talk to him.

No. 122036

Lesbianons and bianons: how do you subtly sleuth out if she likes women?

No. 122042

Bring up LGB topics, or just chat in general. In most cases she will start talking about her bf or ex-bf or cute guys if she is straight.

No. 122051

File: 1566491735766.jpg (77.1 KB, 1080x627, rebranding_636169682-1080x627.…)

Has anyone here “rebranded” themselves?

I feel a bit silly having an identity crisis at 25, but I want to drastically rebrand myself — get a completely new wardrobe, cut my hair, get tattoos, change my social media handles, etc. I’ve even been thinking about changing the name I go by professionally (I have a very boring first name and a really long, foreign surname).

I’ve recently gone though a lot of transitions with locations, friends and, most recently, careers. Frankly, I feel and look very uncool, especially compared to people that are adjacent to the field I work in (design/aesthetic-oriented), and I really want to change that. I also don’t feel like my outer-self nor my “””brand””” reflects who I really am ~on the inside~. I feel a bit shallow and too social-media-oriented wanting to do so, but I think it'd be better for me in the end.

Tips/thoughts? TiA, /g/.

No. 122061

Honestly I don’t think this is a bad idea, if it’s something you really want. I’ve kinda started a similar process, just by slowly adding more “me” items to my wardrobe and getting rid of things I no longer identify with (a must tbh, or else I’ll keep wearing them). There’s a couple things that I’ve chosen to really make my Thing, something people will associate me with. Weird/unique earrings, for example. The hardest part is to really stick with it while I’m still getting comfortable! I keep wanting to revert back to my old stuff because it’s familiar, you know?
Idk if this helps at all, but I hope you evolve into the person you want to be and get the recognition you’re looking for!

No. 122064

I put this in the dumbass thread bc i forgot that the advice thread exists so yea please help me it's important

how does one deal with a mythomaniac(aka compulsive liar)?I want that person to get into therapy somehow because I dont think it's too late for them but how am I being discreet?Also how easy is it for a therapist to figure out someone is a liar extraordinaire and not fall for their bullshit?
can someone with personal experience give me hints on what to do in general?I feel like such a tool and I hate being manipulated
This manipulative person takes total advantage of another person and it disgusts me to see it happen bc the person doesn't know any better

No. 122065

Do they lie to everyone about everything or is this a person that spins lies to you?

No. 122066

Sounds really fun and great if it makes you feel happy and more like yourself. Personally though I would advise against getting tattoos as a part of an identity crisis. Maybe wait a couple years or at least several months after your initial style transformation and see if you still love the ones you think you want. If they're very "you" you'll still like them but you probably don't want to get stuff in some impulsive bid just to revamp yourself, and anyway just revamping your hair and wardrobe will be a massive change in your looks to begin with. Maybe that's lame and stuffy of me but IK a lot of people who regret or just don't care for old tattoos they got on short notice.

No. 122067

Are you me? I'm 25 now and I really want an overhaul, but its taking more time than I anticipated - turning from a pessimist into an optimist (and other mindset-related habits), slowly redoing my wardrobe (I'm really paranoid about looking like a weird adult stuck in teen fashion), and I've even gotten tattoos already and am on my way to a sleeve lol. But don't ever do it as a result of comparing yourself to others! Do every single bit of it for you. I think the changes are also just a normal part of aging and really settling into your own skin, so to speak. It's also a sign that you're still constantly working on yourself.

Agreed on the tattoos, I had a lot of impulse ideas I thought would look neat but everything I got ended up being themed around stuff I've loved for many many years and nothing trendy. Never be ashamed of basic stuff like flowers or animals for your first time, IMO.

No. 122069

about to move into a new place
I have about 1.2k in the bank, which is about what I make every 2 weeks. I already paid the security deposit, so I know I'll make rent and probably have enough to pay for car bills, gas, electricity, etc etc

I really thought I was going to have more saved up, but I just spent a lot more than I figured. I'm going to have to buy a bed with all the fixings and hopefully I can start to furnish my place.
I'd love to have normal stuff like a bed, a tv, a couch, table, chairs, desk, basically everything a normal place has (also I love food, so hopefully tons of kitchen gadgets)

Am I just fucked or do you think I can make it?

Hard Mode: My sister is not in the best place and needs mouth surgery (wisdom tooth). I've been giving her lots and lots of money over the past year, maybe almost 2k–do you think I can still make it if something blows up and I have to take care of her?

No. 122070

That is nowhere near enough of an emergency fund tbh (at least 3 months pay is recommended and it's exactly what you need for your sister), you should be saving every dollar you can and budgeting strictly. You don't need all your furniture at once, obviously you need a bed and other essentials but I would wait until you have more savings before you splurge on gadgets and things you can live without.

No. 122112

File: 1566625608679.jpg (20.33 KB, 620x360, sirin more like NOT SERENE.jpg)

it's fucking EVERYONE not just me.I have learned so many things the past 3 days that i dont want to trust this person about ANYTHING anymore.the level of manipulation is insane

idk if there are turkish anons or anons who watch turkish dramas,but if you have seen kadin,you surely know sirin.so just for comparison,the lies,manipulation and entitlement are sirin-tier just a not as extreme

im seriously considering making a thread on personal lolcows about that person really

No. 122116

I want to so fucking badly. Same age, same hangups on my own name, same everything. I'd love to just drop everything and leave this town I'm living in right now, but I can't afford it and am struggling with my job at the moment. This month I got really fed up with it and the schedule I wound up working for 2 weeks and actually reached a point where I put in my last few weeks notice and had may last day set during the first weekend in September. I admit I went back-asswards in doing this and informed my boss first before my family to keep from having someone else tell her first and have it backfire on me, and she understood why I wanted to leave (needing to save more money to eventually get out on my own and pay off 4-year car loan, needing to get insurance, needing static hours and not being at the beck and call of other people on different shifts), but I also didn't have another job lined up.

But when I finally settled it and started telling my family, the people that complained the most about the hours I worked, instead I got everyone telling me I should've had the second job lined up before I quit and that I was better off staying until I got a second job. Issue is, I don't exactly have a lot of padding on my side. I don't have a diploma from the trade school I went to, I'm not using the license I got from said trade school, I don't have good references for work down here, and my work history is already spotty. I didn't get to start working until after I finished high school, so I had no idea how bunged up everything was until just now when I'm staring down the barrel of unemployment barely a week into my ending time.

So I took back my last few weeks under the idea of staying until either I get a call back from another job or they find more help down here at the current job, but what do I do when no other job is gonna hire me with my background? I can't even finish the applications I have right now. If I could work through online jobs or something I'd be doing great, but there's little to no chance of that unless I fake it to make it, and I know I'd suffocate without any personal work interactions.

>tfw i'd be better off dead at this point but can't leave family in financial debt either

No. 122136

So my girlfriend of 1 year is starting to drive me insane. I am thinking I want to break up with her, but I really can't.
Recently she's had bad news after bad news and I don't want to add to the shit in her life as I really care about her.
I wanna break up with her because her depression is making me depressed, ive tried for this whole relationship to help her and stick by her but i cant take it much longer. She isnt willing to tame anti depressants or go to therapy, and she gets pissed off if i leave her alone but then doesnt talk to me or want to do anything when i am home. Its so fucking depressing. Idk what to do as i feel like a break up would completely push her over the edge, im really the only person she has rn (no family, no friends) but its ruining my life

No. 122149

This is tricky anon and I get it but your gf doesn't want to help herself.you got with her to help her yet she treats you badly.the fact she is depressed doesn't give her a pass to treat you like this and ignore you.at the very least she could say sorry but I don't think she will

You said that you're afraid that the break up will drive her over the edge(understandable fear)and that she has no one else.how did she pull through before you got together though?did she have someone else in her life then or was she still by herself?

No. 122179

what are you supposed to say when your partner accuses you of cheating when you havent?? i feel like if i get overly defensive then theyll take that as proof that i am

No. 122180


Hey, I just read that, and I got pretty worried for you. Are you okay? I don't really know how to help you, but maybe you should ask for help to someone you trust. No family member? You are still pretty young, so please take care of yourself. You can fix this and work through it, but please stop doing things that are bad for you, like making the videos.

No. 122181


Ask them why do they think that, and then explain how that is not the truth.

No. 122186

people usually accuse this for 1 of 2 reasons
>they feel neglected and assume it's becaue you're neglecting them for someone else
>they are cheating and are projecting

try going from the angle that you're worried about them first, and then try to suss out why they are asking.

No. 122215

Like other anon said this can be projection when they are actually the one considering cheating or actually cheating, they assume that you must be feeling the same way

Have you given them any reason to suspect anything? When accusations really come out of the blue it's often projection

No. 122242

What do I write in my suicide note to my family and boyfriend to mitigate the damage?
I know I can't change the short term shock and hurt, but how do I console them over the long term fallout?

No. 122244

just go get therapy, sis.

No. 122245

I've been in and out (but mostly in) therapy for over a decade. Medicated for almost just as long.

I take up more space than I was ever worth in the lives of others around me. How do I even begin to patch up those holes in my absence?

No. 122255

no matter what you do,it will never fix the guilt and sadness they would feel anon.at least you are aware of that

No. 122256

Your life is for you. Never worry if you are imposing on others. People love you and want to help support you. You are not a burden, in fact, those that love you would rather help you than lose you. Always.

If medication is not working, maybe there are other options. I haven't had many years experience of medication or even aware of your issues but the medications I took the side effects actually did outweigh the positives. I've been off them completely and noticed an improvement (in tandem with doing exercise, my diet is pretty shit which can also effect mood).

Life is about every new morning being a new day. I know this sounds cliche. The sun will always rise tomorrow for you, and if you have a roof over your head try to feel safe and content for that alone.

I also didn't find therapy useful, but I haven't tried many therapists like I have medication. I can totally understand feeling jaded. You love those around you as you're worried about them. Maybe you can try and live for them for a while? What I mean is maybe pay back some kindness if you can. While you're serving others it might give you the distraction for your subconscious to work. You probably suffer from overthinking and maybe asking your boyfriend or family members if there's anything fun you could do together could be the mind break you need.

No. 122259

What are the signs you should give up on pursuing a dream? I dropped out of cosmetology school a year ago & a new one is opening up near me. I kind of wanted to go, but I don’t know if a career in cosmetology is really for me. I’m introverted and autistic asf.

No. 122275

File: 1566927519478.png (99.98 KB, 284x177, beautyschooldropout.png)

Baby get movin,
(Better get movin)
Why keep your feeble hopes alive?
What are you provin?
(What are you provin)
You've got the dream but not the drive.

Now your bangs are curled,
Your lashes twirled,
But still the world is cruel,
Wipe off that angel face and go back to high school.

No. 122291

What to do when you have this person in your life that just won’t follow ANY plan they make? I feel like I did all I could to encourage them as a friend, but it isn’t enough.
They absolutely hate college, but also won’t pursue anything aside it until it ends.
Complains about boredom, but thinks that any other hobby aside staying on the computer is a waste of time (??).
Always complaining about their appearance, but doesn’t stay for more than 3 months at the gym and diets are nearly impossible.
This behavior of not following with anything also reflects on their relationship, but I do not know much other than their s/o also being tired of trying to encourage someone who won’t move a finger.
This person is almost 30 and it worries me.

No. 122311

ignore them lol. You've done all you can and they just wont stick to anything, what more can you do rather than pilot his life. Leave him to it and he may crash and burn or actually improve. You aren't in debt to help anyone improve.

No. 122336

It's my second year in college and I still only have two friends. I have really bad social anxiety so it's hard for me to reach out to people or join clubs. I want to make more friends here, but I'm not really sure how to.

No. 122354

I've had a similar case and like the other anon said, yeah… let them just crash and burn. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. It's hard to see people, especially your friends, waste whatever potential they have, but hey, you have your life to pave - and that's a lot more rewarding.

No. 122447

In my experience, there's no quick fix or specific 10 step plan for social anxiety, you just have to take it a step at a time

It depends on what you feel like works best for you, but no matter what, it just has to involve you getting out of your comfort zone in some way

Somethings that worked for me would be sitting next to people you want to know better in class. Even if you don't end up being best friends, you have a better shot at interacting

College is the perfect time to try out a few different things, take it slow, and learn more about how you interact with the world. Even if you don't get a specific result, at least you know what does and doesn't work for you in the future

And if all else fails, get professional help. A lot of colleges try to offer counseling, so it may help to talk to someone who knows more about this.
And you could even try hitting up that lolcow friend thing to see if there's anyone in your area that you have anything in common with

No. 122448

If I constantly create elaborate fantasies in which a bunch of people are interested in me, but I tell them "no, I'm still into X" (X being someone I like), does that mean my brain wants me to move on or does that mean my brain knows I really want to be with X?

No. 122451

Seems more like it means you're desperately horny

No. 122468

File: 1567179631251.png (570.23 KB, 585x644, a4c.png)

I'm about to do some serious crazy bitch shit.

To make a long story short I'm going to go hook up with someone. Which wouldnt normally be weird but it's the person that sexually abused me when I was much younger. Despite going to jail she didn't get in all that much trouble. She's out of prison now and I'm still hung up on what happened after a decade and I don't know why I want her to fuck me again but I don't think about it too hard. Not the point though. I'm just trying to decide if I want to ruin her marriage after or just move on with life.

I wouldn't normally try to sabotage someone else's relationship but since I dont get to be happy and well adjusted thanks to her I think I should pay her back in full

No. 122483

Anon, you can be happy and well adjusted, but if you ever want to do that you can't do this.

Not saying you have to move on, not saying that you can't get revenge in some way, but doing this isn't the best way to continue.

You posted this in the advice thread rather than the confession or vent thread, not even the dumbass thread, so I have to assume that you want someone to talk you down–even if subconsciously.

No. 122495

If I'm desperately horny, does it mean I'm horny in a way that can't normally be solved (with like, masturbation or sleeping with someone) or horny for a specific person?

No. 122504

Abusive and manipulative people don't get hurt the same way normal people do. She'd probably enjoy whatever you did to her, or use it to validate her previous abuse of you. Keep away from her.

No. 122510

You'll just end up with more guilt issues, more loss of agency and giving her an opportunity to weasel back into your life and fuck it up further. As for the revenge scheme it won't work since if she's had no repercussions even after going to prison for being a chomo she's probably very good at manipulation people and talking a man into forgiving or even letting you fuck another woman is easy peasy pussy squeazy.

I've noticed pretending victim behavior is actually part of some le revenge plot common with abused women. Like the anon in the other thread who says she's staying with her shithead bf to get back at him later. In reality she knows he wants her to keep putting up with him so tells herself it's actually her choice. Just like how obviously you're not going to epic own your sex abuser by having sex with her, you just know that's what she wants you to do so are trying to explain way still being compelled to give her what she wants, which is also why you don't like thinking about it.

Never talk to her again and get some therapy.

No. 122515

How does someone take pictures off of instagram when the person posting them is an ex who you have a restraining order against. It’s super creepy and I’ve tried repeatedly reporting them for harassment but nothing gets done.

No. 122522

File: 1567255463567.gif (840.4 KB, 264x384, dance.gif)

advice for finding A/AA size bras? most seem to be really uncomfortable and feel child-sized (really tight around the chest)
padded sports bras do the trick usually but less convenient

and any experience with implants A to B size?

No. 122525

If its tight you might actually wanna try a different band size. But the one and only bra that has ever fit my flat chest without leaving gaps in the cups is American Eagle's Aerie t-shirt bra. The band is really thick too, I got a nude colored one in 32AA and its all I wear when I cant wear bralettes. Hasn't fallen apart or broken or even faded after all the wear and washes.

I alao have a Victoria's Secret Bombshell bra but it was $50 and I only wear if it I really feel I have to. Barely gets any cleavage and its uncomfortable af but it makes me not look like a child.

No. 122542

Agree with >>122525 about Aerie, I've heard good stuff about them. You should also check your band size. It's possible you're a larger band and maybe smaller cup. There were a few sites but idk about them really since I've gotten a bit bigger and don't have to look for AA/A cup bras anymore, it's a lot easier. I have a Natori feathers bra and apparently those are well-loved if you're small-breasted…I wore a 32C and am a 32B (true size is something stupid so I don't buy in it) so I think it runs slightly small, and the bra has lasted me years. I personally liked going into places like Nordstrom and just trying stuff on and I'll splurge on a few good bras I can have until they wear out.
If you aren't too bothered about padding, bralettes are way easier to find for your size, or wire bras without padding.
I would recommend against getting implants until you are certain your reasons for getting them are going to make you feel better after you wake up from the procedure. They will probably try to pressure you into going bigger than a B cup, too. I used to hate my boob size, but I've grown into it a lot better, and realize they look fine on my frame, but I realize I am a bit bigger than you.

No. 122578

thank you! i'll browse for those
>I would recommend against getting implants
i prefer smaller breasts myself but it's hard to look at myself when my chest looks like a fat teenage boy's manboobs so it's hard not considering it

No. 122667

File: 1567453145594.jpg (124.63 KB, 1158x876, tumblr_otxwr65DyX1w3ko8fo1_128…)

How do I stop being annoying/obnoxious?

Back in high school, a girl that I kind of hated said that her first impression of me was bad, since I came off annoying. Now don't get me wrong, she was an extreme cunt and I probably shouldn't care about her opinion but what if I actually am annoying?

I'm struggling to make friends at college and I overall cringe at myself in social situations. I'm loud, talkative (to the point where I interrupt people) always smiling and energetic. That's my personality but I'm realizing that it all might come off extremely obnoxious.

How can I change this? It's hard for me to "tone it down". Any advice on how I can take it down a notch?

No. 122668

i wish i was more like you smh

No. 122669

Catch yourself interrupting people, apologise, and ask them to continue whilst listening attentively. Learn to hold your point until the other person had finished speaking instead of speaking over them.

Listen to how loud other people are speaking and match their volume. Regularly pay attention to how people respond. Are they flinching or grimacing? You’re shouting at them.

Smiling a lot and being energetic aren’t bad things. People might get bothered but tbh nobody who’s upset over someone being smiley is worth your time.

No. 122676

I'm just like you Anon. In high school the people I started hanging out with very quickly told me that I was obnoxious and I spend the next 3 years pretending to be super chill and became really introverted, until I went to college and met other people. But I think I also kinda grew up so I'm not as intense as you sound anymore.

So I'd recommend trying to stay a bit calmer, and use your energy wisely. You could try meditating or doing sports on the morning to calm yourself down/use up some energy, avoiding caffeine, and trying to listen consciously to people.
But let yourself go sometimes, like at parties or hangouts. You don't have to completely change for anyone.

No. 122679

Does anyone here with anxiety have experience with weighted blankets? My friend has terrible anxiety and the only thing that seems to help her is soaking in a hot tub but she can't do that with the weather outside (she doesn't have a bathtub either). I thought about getting her a weighted blanket because it would be warm and she would be covered, which is what I'm guessing she likes about the hot tub. They are a bit pricey so I wanted to ask around before I got it, does it actually help with anxiety?

No. 122685

I have anxiety and a weighted blanket! I wouldn’t say it helps significantly in extreme cases, but it can be comforting. It kind of feels like I’m being given a comforting, tight, hug. I think it could help her.

No. 122686

Getting a weighted blanket helped me with falling asleep (which I had trouble with because of my anxiety), and of course sleeping better helps me cope with other anxiety-related struggles. I'd say it depends on how her anxiety affects her specifically and what it is that she likes about hot tubs.

No. 122775

File: 1567641862622.jpg (20.62 KB, 600x400, 1517791178867.jpg)

Tldr: I am very concerned about my older sister because she is morbidly obese and I don't know how to help her.

I lost my dad a few years back because he suddenly had a heart attack due to his obesity and cardiovascular problems. I got the news of his death through the phone as I live in another country than my family.

My family is full of obese people but my sister is reaching a point that sometimes keeps me up at night; like I feel that I am going to get a call sometime in the future of my mom telling me that my sis is dead.

She has a baby daughter and an amazing husband. Tons of people that love her but I feel that people at home enable her bad eating habits (I was obese myself at some point). She also has PCOS, depression and gallbladder stones (I think)so she is in constant pain. She needs a surgery to take the stones out but the doctor told her that she needs to drop some weight as it could be super intrusive and more dangerous to perform it at her current weight.

Whenever she starts a diet or going to the gym, she goes all out and despite her problems she is able to lose a bit of weight. She either reaches plateau and gets sad or she rewards her behaviour with a "rest day" or a "cheat day" which then becomes a whole fucking month,then she feels depressed because of it and the cycle repeats. She is also one of those people that if they had a "bad" snack during the day they are like "fuck it, I'm starting tomorrow" and just eat shitty the rest of the day.

I had serious-heart to heart conversations with her before but the effects are not lasting. She cries a lot, it hurts her feelings, her weight makes her depressed.
She knows she has a problem, "wants" to fix it but doesn't really do anything sustainable to keep her weight off.

Now, I am back at my hometown temporarily and would like to know how can I help her get out of this?
How can I offer her support and motivation if I am not around?
What can I do to make sure she keeps taking care of herself when I leave? Ugh

I feel that I'm watching my sister kill herself man.. I'm so frustrated and scared for her. I just want her to be happy with her body, with a healthy mind and physique. I am terribly scared of losing her too

Also, excuse my formatting, I'm on mobile and very exhausted from my trip

No. 122798

You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.

Until your sister is actually ready to be really committed to taking care of herself, there's not a lot you can do. Do your best to continue to be a good influence, include your healthy habits as part of normal discussion, offer her help if you can, and let her know you've always time to listen if she wants to talk.

She's the only one who controls what she eats. It's her call.

No. 122906

Do I need to be on another form of birth control if I'm going to use a condom and definitely don't want kids? I can already feel the paranoia.

No. 122913

The bottom of my heels are really dry and hard as a result of me having to walk a lot everyday. Is there a certain kind of cream I can buy to moisturize or do I need to get one of the exfoliating stones? It's not too bad of a problem since I always wear sneakers so no one can see, but it just personally bothers me whenever I look at it.

No. 122920

Get a pumice stone and moisturise generously afterwards. Nothing gets the skin off like a pumice does tbh.

No. 122923

How does someone take pictures off of instagram when the person posting them is an ex who you have a restraining order against. It’s super creepy and I’ve tried repeatedly reporting them for harassment but nothing gets done. It’s been over ten years ago and we only daybed for a year. It makes me feel scared

No. 122928

Nothing you can do. Maybe you can use some words like lawsuit and copyright in the report to get a human to look at it.

No. 122940

yes, buy a pumice stone like other anon said. something i like to do is get a heavy moisture sort of lotion/cream and really slather it on my feet at night. then i put socks on and sleep like that. it sort of locks the cream in place all night and helps your feet feel better in the morning.

No. 122947

If you have a restraining order, send the Instagram photo links to law enforcement the county the restraining order is under. They should be able to do something about it because it may be breaking the order.

No. 122961

If used correctly, a condom should be 97%~ safe. If you want to be really sure, using a condom in combination with hormonal birth control should keep you safe on the pregnancy front and prevent the risk with most STDs.

Technically, it wouldn't be impossible even with that set up, but incredibly unlikely.

Notes about condom use since you seem a lil green: check the date on the wrapper first, squeeze the air out the well (the little nub) during application, don't use anything oil-based on standard latex condoms (baby oil, vaseline, some lubricants, some lipsticks/chapsticks/glosses/etc, I would be nervous about body oils or lotions or w/e too that just happen to be on your hands/body), single use only. If the boner dies, new condom every time. If you feel or hear a snap, ask to check if it's intact as they can break. Careful with long nails and jewellery as that can tear them. Don't flush them down the toilet after use - ball it up in a tissue and put it in the trash. If it doesn't go on right first time round, get a new one. They can't be used effectively inside-out so read the box first for diagrams that should show you which way out they go (it's difficult to describe). If someone doesn't comply, don't fuck 'em.

worth noting - hormonal (pill, rod, depo shot etc) contraception does not prevent the spread of STDs. Condoms are your best bet for that.

Happy humping!

No. 123332

Does anyone experience intense boob/nipple soreness right before their period and have a good remedy (outside of painkillers) for it? I’ve been off hormonal birth control for two years (copper IUD now) and in the last year, I’ve started getting extremely sore in my right boob and nipple. Like I can feel it when nothing’s touching it, the movement of just a shirt on my nipple is awful, and god forbid I hug someone or my boyfriend touches it. It starts about a week before my period and goes away about a day or two into it. I ask for no pills because I have a hard time swallowing them.. (another train of thought, is there any possibility something’s actually wrong with me since this is a new issue and specific to one side?)

No. 123374

You should definitely bring it up with your doctor. In the meantime, lanolin can help. Those reusable silicone nipple covers might also be helpful during the day.

No. 123375

Yes. Here's a good source for combined effectiveness: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_
Never assume perfect use, ans talk to your partner about what you would do if you did accidentally get pregnant.

No. 123445

I don’t know what to do! I try playing online games with my bf, but he’s the kind that gets annoyed if I kill him or gets irritated if his team is losing. Like, he can’t play for fun. Once we played with a group of friends and he wouldn’t stop complaining about the game, knowing full well we all love playing together.
I tried talking to him about it and he justifies it by saying he always played stuff with annoying competitive people and he absorbed that behavior.
It saddens me because I really wanted to have some new fun moments with him (we’re on a ldr). I tried telling him that it’s not about winning, but he insists he doesn’t know how to change his behavior. Well, me neither, so I’d like to know if anyone has advice for this situation.
Also, when I asked him to suggest something else, he said the only game that wouldn’t stress him was one that I’m really terrible at.

No. 123446

I dated a guy like this. He thought my interest in video games was superficial but I grew up with a console from age 4 due to an older brother and use to play through games with him. Amongst my friends it was actually uncommon for a person to complete a game, which I found so weird. Anyway, my ex use to scream at the TV. Get so wound up, make noises. Playing online when we weren't together he was just as angry and would leave games when he was playing shit. We even played with friends and would get mad at us for laughing when we were winning but when he was winning he'd gloat in not a fun way.

He was aggressively competitive but technically shit. He couldn't cope that I was better while not taking it as serious.

I don't know if you can break that type of mentality were they think video games are srs bsns. My ex had loads of anger issues and it just wasn't fun to be around him in the long term. I don't understand how they can get enjoyment out of something that causes them so much anger lol. I ended up playing more with our mutual friends and his bffs stuck to staying in his vc party. It sucks cause it should be a fun hobby you can share but guys are fucking weird

No. 123514


>I'm struggling to make friends at college and I overall cringe at myself in social situations. I'm loud, talkative (to the point where I interrupt people) always smiling and energetic.

I wanted to second the anon who told you that people who are bothered by your personality don't deserve to your attention. You don't sound like a bad person. I know it's hard when people are criticizing you but I'd rather be around someone who is fun and energetic than someone is bitchy and mopey all the time.

My advice to you obnoxious anon is perhaps you should look into being around people who can handle your big personality? I also get the obnoxious edit by people for being outspoken and having a sense of humor. It happens. I've learned not to care too much because usually the ones rolling their eyes and being catty are dull as fuck and miserable.

You should consider taking acting classes and such because even if you're not interested in theatre, it's a good way to be self-expressive and learn how to hone your energy in a positive way. Or try sports, something that's physical.

Most importantly anon, don't let people steal your shine. Don't let other people pull a cloud over your star. You sound like a fun person who's getting picked on for not being a quiet uwu little girl.

No. 123731

File: 1568853516633.jpg (45.79 KB, 640x480, DUgk8Y4XcAAWUP4.jpg)

the other ana-chans in my treatment(6) ignore me because i'm a little histrionic and fall apart multiple times throughout each day. like other day i didn't know what was in my food and i asked but somebody assumed i was food shaming so i burst into tears saying sorry sorry and made a scene.
i ate a korean beef bowl for dinner but i wanted to die afterwards, writing "beef+rice+cheese=girls with bellies" and said "should be executed" on a confidential q/a sheet between my therapist and i. i don't give a shit what others eat, besides this one girl who gets to eat less because "her ed thoughts are stronger" so she and i compete. fuck her. i was only referring to myself getting a belly and deserving to be executed for eating it but somebody read it?? and told all the others.

so i'm eating a snack. andsomebody asks for an exta exchange and receives and i'm like o nice i should get additional 1/2 cup of blueberries so i ask and i'm told no and i need to follow meal plan? so i said "but-" and extra-girl shuts me down with "what are you getting AT?"
i broke down crying said i wasn't implying anything about her getting more food, it only reminded me i want some blueberries so why can't i use my daily free exchange?
then i tossed my snack in bin and my therapist came. somebody burst into tears several rooms away, ppl crying, shit talking me. i seriously forgot i even wrote about wanting to be executed?? and seeing how upset they were because of me, even though i'm constantly appeasing everyone and genuinely need their approval to like want to be alive? i feel hurt and my personal message was taken out of context.

what do i even do to fix this? the atmosphere was really calm and open but now theres a cliche and is lame.

No. 123733

Maybe exercise a little restraint and stop saying weird shit? I get that you have an ED but that doesn't inherently cause someone to talk about executions…

No. 123735

I’d avoid you too. Imagine trying to get your shit together while someone is screeching about weird little equations and blueberries.

Think about how you’re affecting people before you throw a fit.

No. 123741

I live on the same street as an incredibly depressing, scabby old bar in the UK. I've lived in this area almost a decade and have been inside it once, which was more than enough. I'm having problems with a patron.

Older guy, 70s ish, queues for the bar opening at 10am daily. He channels his loneliness in to shouting at strangers while he smokes on the street.

I make it a policy not to respond to people like that generally as little good can come of it, but this particular guy has really taken issue with me. I have to walk directly in front of the bar to visit my parents, which I do a couple of times a week, and since I've never responded to him, he's taken to shouting 'cunt' at me. The frequency of this has stepped up pretty sharply and it's happening a couple of times a week now. The last incident was far more direct than others and I'm worried that he and his… friends? fellow drinkers? whatever, will target me further and also target my home (since they see me leaving my property and walking to another).

I'm cautious of wading in and essentially saying 'the big bad man was a meanie to me' as I'm pretty sure that would just encourage further abuse, otherwise I'd contact the bar during the daytime and explain the matter to staff, and let them round up their own idiots. This fuckwad knows roughly where I live and whilst I doubt he could actually do me much harm himself, I don't need the entire regular population of the place chiming in.

What do? Is there anything I can do to make him stop without jeopardising my own situation? I've thought to approach the local authority about it but I fear that would be read as really confrontational.

No. 123747

Talk to your therapist. Do not seek help on lolcow

No. 123764


i'd like to clarify i didn't say any of that out loud, only on a written answer paper other patients are never allowed to read. what i wrote was aimed at me and only me. the prmpt asked "how are you feeling afterwards" and obviously i can't say i want to be dead after eating, so i expressed somebody else should execute me. i do not want to be dead, i only feel as if i deserve to be but obviously i want to continue being alive.
and i didn't screech about blueberries lol i was trying to be more assertive thinking of the reason one patient can use her additional exchange but i can't. the rule changes depending on the staff watching us.
i teared up and got defensive once their tones became sharp and interrogative.
my therapist helped me in an interpersonal group she leads where i was given a chance to explain what i wrote and why i wrote it. another patient came forward and said she should have given my paper back to staff after finding it instead of sharing my personal information to each patient. extra-girl said sorry and apologized on behalf of another girl who lashed out at me beforehand.

they're including me in the group again, i'm no longer dead to them. today is much better and it feels like things are returning to a more encouraging environment. i also have a session w my therapist, too. maybe everything will be ok again.

No. 123766

>>123731 Stop being mean and random to others, there are people there who are recovering as well and don't need your weird ass doing all that. You can't throw fits like that and get surprised it has consequinces.

No. 123768

but i wasn't mean to anybody but myself? i didn't shame another patient or tell them something upsetting, they stole my therapist's confidential paper & took how i feel about my body and my self out of context.

the only moments i think badly of others is when i feel like that specific girl is competing w me at meals, triggering both of us. but she's sweet and i still like her as a person? i've only ever said mean comments about my self.

as for my breakdowns, i 'm trying to stay together but each day is different. as long as i' m actually trying. idk

No. 123779

Ana-chan, focus on your treatment, and don't write suicidal shit in the hospital unless you want to be treated like a risk to yourself and others. Also, bellies are awesome. I keep telling my boyfriend this, he thinks he's fat, but I'd rather cuddle with a pillow than a bag of bones

Definitely call the bar and complain. Call the cops if you want. That's harassment, and making a big deal out of it is the only way you'll get him to face consequences.

No. 123783

You did good not responding in person, but I would suggest to try and get the staff to do something about him.

I am also from UK, I know the trash holes you are talking of. Can you grab the phone number of the bar online or from someone you know who can go in? Call them and tell them, provided the staff aren't utter filth they should know exactly who you mean and they will act. Usually they tolerate those guys because they have nowhere else to go, but they know they're bad news and know how to reign them in. It's not like they're good at hiding that they are garbage when they're drunk.

Other than that, it's fine to call the cops. They won't do much to the guy, but I think they will go to the pubs staff and make them aware in a more persuasive way, hopefully.

No. 123793

~I’m not meeeeeean~
Literally competing with the girl on the smallest meal plan because “fuck her”.

Sure Ana chan. Only the kindest people deliberately choose to negatively impact someone else’s recovery just to indulge in their own childishness and illness. You’re not even supposed to post here if you’re 12.

No. 123803

she's not on a smaller meal plan, she has access to gluten free choices and is vegetarian even tho i was vegetarian too for 14 months before being admitted. she's been here 7 weeks me 2 weeks.

we get to plate our own snacks and sides for meals, or make our meals. her gluten free salad dressing is 25cal while rest of us get ranch lol. she's allowed to eat ricecakes because gluten free but the dietitian said nobody else can because its an ed behavior. she only eats cottage cheese for dairy/pro. her lowcal hummus and pretzels.1-2 hard boiled eggs instead of meat. she eats the same thing each day. 25cal fruit cups.

in our last group she openly said said i make her feel not sick enough so she has to be more obvious and eat less but this whole treatment i've been thinking "she's perfect and better than me in every aspect of life: she's 34 and more mature, weighs less probably, has a degree, independent, a car, she's been anorexic for 21 years and she'sbeen to inpatient so much . my life is constant hospital so i'm unable to move forward in life, why can't i be more like her, i want to feel sick enough and maybe i'd get better then"
she said she doesn't want the two of us alone at lunch outing next week because i'll need more support and she won't get as much attention???? i feel that way eating near her each day? she gets to eat less calories and still doesn't finish her meals, begins sobbing and requires unscheduled therapy sessions. but apparently because she feels not as sick as me. when she cries at the table i feel as if my anorexia is fake and i should be crying too. or that i can't begin eating until she's finished the portion she eats because she's also watching me? . we're feeding off each other-it's not only me.
she also admitted she engages in the same behaviors as i do but only i'm facing criticism from the others. that they are very patient and reassuring to only her. weird group

sage because i'm through talking about. my problem was solved by us being more open to each other. thanks for input.

No. 123808

Maybe be more mature like her instead of competing and wasting the therapy by obsessing over everyone else’s weight instead of your own shit.

No. 123814

Thanks for underlining it as harassment, I suppose. I'm aware this is so everyday for a lot of people, particularly women, that it's hard to actually want to have much of a stink created about it.

I did actually respond to him once this week, but did my best to be outrageously respectful. He did his regular calling me a cunt business, and I said words to the effect of 'it's no wonder you're standing here alone if you talk to strangers like that, sir'. Other patrons overheard the conversation. Being riled enough to actually clap back was the motivation for asking for advice here, haha. The bar does have a phone number but they don't have a great record of actually answering it. I'll try during the daytime, and take a note of when I contacted them (and any incidents going forward). Thanks for the advice.

I'm aware the owner and staff know that this guy is trouble. I'm certain the staff are complicit in a whole lot of nonsense. I've seen the old guy get served before 10AM (Scotfag, that's illegal here), people are regularly removed in ambulances, patrons stand outside smoking and shouting at people passing by. It's a right pit of a place.

No. 123821


Can I suggest… Moving lol.Or maybe getting a big angry looking dog or boyfriend. You can't really do much about every asshole if it's really that bad.

No. 123827

File: 1568991228041.gif (938.11 KB, 500x300, Iia8SF1.gif)

I might have already vented and asked about this here, but I am not sure and I am still struggling with the same goddamn issue (no, it's not boyfriend related!).
Where the fuck do people find online friends nowadays and how do they do it? Due to being bullied for most of my childhood I have developed AVPD and never learned to express myself. I do not feel comfortable revealing anything about myself. I really wish I could find some place to just post random photos and posts related to my thoughts and interest and connect with similar ladies… I have no idea how people manage to do that! I have been conditioned to hide EVERYTHING and to be as boring and quiet as possible cause everything could have been (and usually was) used against me.

I almost envy Luna Slater cause she's so good about shamelessly documenting her life and interests even though she's a huge neet mess…

Where and how do I blog in order to find others like me? It doesn't have that I am obsessed about niche hobbies…

No. 123830

What sort of niche hobbies are we talking about, we'd need to know that to recommend.

I also have AVPD, an especially cripplingly strong case. It sucks, it definitely feels like a disability, but few people other than us would see it that way.

What's wrong with places like tumblr? They have spaces for niche communities. Online forums and blogs are a good avenue of socialisation for people who need it.

No. 123831

I enjoy true crime, toy collecting and music which is rather obscure in my country. Writing is the most important to me.
There is nothing wrong with tumblr though I dunno how to make friends there (like everywhere lmfao). I also don't like how personal posts disappear among reblogged content. My other problem is that I feel like I rarely have something new to say on a topic… maybe I am too critical of myself. I find it amazing how people can just share their thoughts or even write overviews of cases.
I guess I would also like to meet friends I could eventually meet irl (though not saying it's impossible on tumblr). I am also confused if I should make tumblr, instagram or something else? How do I make similar weirdo people notice me without being cringy?

I wish I had a vivid personality and could attract people based on that. I wish I felt like a real, multidimentional person. I am so emotionally crippled.

I need to get therapy but as I currently cannot aford it, I am trying to sort myself out to the best of my abilities…

I am sorry anon that you are going through this too. I hope you will find happiness and some good people that will help you get out of your shell at least a bit.

No. 123835

File: 1568994686276.jpg (24.91 KB, 512x512, tumblr_okl6x4xNmg1w3ko8fo1_540…)

Obnoxious anon here! I was having a shitty day because you know, I'm still friendless and miserable, but you really made me smile.
You seriously made me realize I shouldn't be the one adapting to anyone else's tastes but find people who can put up with me instead. Thank you so so much anon, I'll keep on shining!

Oh also, funny that you mentioned acting cause I used to take acting classes when I was a kid. Maybe I should pick it up again!

No. 123836

You are not all that different, and making friends isn't all that hard once just one person helps you get past that sensitivity. You will never be a easy going social person to strangers sadly but when you have a person you trust to rely in, you can be vibrant to them and you will feel more confident about other things too.

Nothing you have said is cringy, and you are definitely understandable and relatable. If you can go a single step further and type this stuff on a site which allows you to keep a continuous account, then I'm sure people would listen and chat with you. You're not one dimensional either, we feel like that because we're often too anxious to say stuff in a group and then we internlize we are not interesting. In truth we are more interesting, for better or for worse, than anyone can see but we cannot express it.

A couple years ago I became obsessed with an anime forum (now thats cringy). I thought I couldn't really talk to people about the anime at first, because I didn't know how to like you. So I just wrote jokes and was sarcastic, really juvenile thing but I talked to people alot then. Based on that, I'd recommend something where you can react to what others say rather than write on your own. Based on that, tumblr seems like a good option.

I'd be your friend, but there's no way to share private info on this site. Im sorry. It will get alot easier in the future. It's not hopeless.

No. 123877

Yeah, I know. He doesn't talk to me when my boyfriend is with me but I can't drag him everywhere, haha.

No. 124071

Any women here in their 20s (I'm 23) have experience or tips making friends with older women (like 30s and above)? Is that a weird thing to want in the first place? I don't know if it's just bad luck but I find it seriously hard to get along with other women my age. I don't have any social media and my hobbies are more prevalent among older women (reading, knitting, baking etc) I just really want a chill and mature older woman to hang out with. How do I make this happen?

No. 124077

If you work around older women, just mention your hobbies offhandedly during break times or whatever ("yeah, had a nice week, finished a really cute pair of socks, want to see?"), worked for me just fine! Otherwise, I guess you could look for some local fb groups based on those hobbies? My town has a cute little yarn shop that has like workshops and meetings and such, was thinking of that sorta thing. Check out if your local library has reading events and similar! Maybe a local community centre? Otherwise I think they are kinda a closed off group (unless you too are a mom amd your kids go to the same school/daycare) as they tend to keep within their circles delegated by work and children's school districts and neighbours.

No. 124081

I’ve been a bit down lately due to financial difficulties and college stuff. Woke up to a text from mom to immediately go to the hospital since my grandpa had hit his head. I arrive at the hospital to see a completely different version of my grandpa. He didn’t remember me. He couldn’t even look at me cause his eyes had almost gone completely blind. The doctors came in and told me that his brain was bleeding and had a 6cm wound. They said that a surgery would be impossible since he could die from it but they also said that if he died from a heart attack they’re not going to try to save him since there would be nothing of “worth” (her wording not mine) to be saved.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen my grandma like that before. She just heald his hand and yelled “Hey let’s go back home okay honey? Your chickens need you! We have to feed them, come on let’s go” but she got no reaction. She just wanted everything to go back to how it used to be.
I can’t believe I lost my grandpa in just one day. Just last week he was running around his farm asking me to take photos of him and his farming tools haha. God I miss him already and it’s only been one day.
I know he’s about to die. Any advice on how to deal with grief? Real advice. I know time will heal wounds and shit but I want to know what I can do right now. Should I be around friends a lot even though I’m quite introverted?

No. 124086

I have no advice, but I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa, anon.

No. 124088

I’m so sorry about your grandpa, anon.
I really recommend being around loved ones and friends as much as possible. You and your family will probably need a lot of emotional support and staying together is really one of the best things, if possible.
If you have friends who you’re comfortable with talking about this, please do. It can be good to have people who aren’t directly affected by the loss around, as they can try to distract you more easily.
I hope you receive all the support needed.

No. 124090

as others have said I wouldn't notice your brows were uneven so try and not worry too much. I also have uneven brows, it's where they meet in the middle they're off by a fair bit in height and it bothers me a little but everyone I've talked to about it said they didn't notice.

No. 124092

Very sorry about your grandpa, mine is also 80 and something like that happening really scares me. I study abroad and I try to call every week but what if something happens to him in between the calls and I wouldn't even know that was the last time we talked. Not really sure what advice to give but I imagine being around people you feel comfortable around would help somewhat. Hang in there!

No. 124099

I've been through something similar, seeing a grandparent slowly lose their mental faculties and become unrecognizable from the person they were.

Even though they're not the same person, they're still human. Just do your best to love them as they are now. If he doesn't have much time left, if you feel strong enough, spend as much time as you can and love on him. If you can't do that, don't feel bad. It's a lot to ask to hold your own in a situation like that. If the family can get together and support him, that would be best.

No. 124185

I had a student do a wanking motion with his hand directly in my line of sight today. I thought no fucking way is he doing that. He wasn't doing it to someone (as in messing around with another boy being immature) but just in mid air almost wanting me to see. I literally convinced myself he wasn't and didn't give him any attention (I did make eye contact with him and he stopped) This kid has a habit of being disrespectful. I never give him the satisfaction of paying attention to him. However this crossed the line. The fact that he would have the audacity to do something like that in front of a female teacher and female classmates is disgusting. I want a perspective from non teachers. How do you think I should address it tomorrow. I'm a fresh of out college 22 year old who is ready to bitch this kid out but I know I can't. So how can I put the fear of god in him while also keeping my job. My idea was to say that another student confronted me about it saying it made them uncomfortable and tell him very bluntly that this is the last time he will ever show any form of disrespect in my class and that if he can't handle himself that I'll refer him to someone who can help him. I don't know if I should bring up that I've seen other things he's been doing, because I don't want the focus to be on me being offended but more about him being an idiot and how it's unacceptable in general. Thoughts?

No. 124186

Ask another teacher who knows more about your school's culture and whether stuff like that actually gets followed through. Since you're new, if you do too much shit-stirring at the beginning, the school might just reprimand you. Kids are literally retarded and that asshole probably was just doing it for a reaction without knowing the context. Boys in particular are attention-starved beasts with no remorse or logic.

Don't you take classes to know how to deal with disciplining/socializing children as part of your degree? You should know more about this than a random fucker on anon.

No. 124188

Did you not read what OP said? They want a perspective of someone who doesn't teach who has no context of the culture of the school. I'm sure they have sought out advice from coworkers.

No. 124190

I would tell him off that shit is gross, bet he's one of those kids going around harassing other female classmates, but I'm also a shitstarter.

No. 124212

I know you're tempted to be angry, but you need to try to be level-headed, firm but not mean. How old is he? That's an important detail off the bat, this behavior could be setting alarm bells if he's a certain age. If you're mean and hard on him you may make the behavior worse and if he's acting out, there might be something wrong with him like ADHD, abuse at home, etc. Some kids are just brats, but not all are. My parents had students who were acting out really badly and it turned out they were doing it to get attention not just because they were bratty, but because they were being severely abused and modeling the behavior or acting out because they didn't know what to do otherwise.
You should make it clear you won't tolerate the behavior because it is interfering with the ability of other students to learn, but also ask why he keeps doing things in class. Make it clear that it's at BEST bordering on sexual harassment and that it's completely unacceptable, so there will be punishment if it continues. The problem is that some students don't care and just want a rise out of you and attention from people, so threat of punishment won't do anything. I think more info would be helpful and definitely talk to another teacher who has had the student before you make any decisions on how to approach this.

No. 124215

Kick him out.

No. 124216

if he's before the fourth grade, there's a good chance he's a sexually abused kid acting up. teachers are mandated reporters.

No. 124225


He's 17 years old.

No. 124275

How do I know if I'm in love?
(How do you know if you're in love)

Secondarily, what would you say is the biggest difference being in love with someone and being obsessed with someone?

I've been struggling with feelings for at least a year, maybe almost two.

No. 124330

everyone's got their own take on what love feels like but I would say love is something you've built over time with another person, but an obsession is one-sided. A hardcore crush can border on obsession.

No. 124335

lately ive been feeling quite sad and lonely abt people irl and online seeming not to show interest in me, i feel like a waste of space

>ive started to browse 4chan, made a few post and even they dont like me

>if the lowest of the low dont care for me then clearly its a sign that im nothing

anyone else feel like this any tips on how to cope ?

also i made a thread b4 noticing this one sorry

No. 124346

maybe check the friend finder thread, or join the lolcow discord? you can guarantee you'll at least be able to talk about cows.

if you're gonna try to find friends on anon boards, take some steps to make sure your discord name doesn't link to IRL. you can make decisions about bringing online to RL later

and probably don't try to make friends on 4chan again, its reputation may be a bit bloated but it's still not a good idea

No. 124347

Uh, 4chan is not a site for having friendly discussions. It's an anonymous site that people mostly use to voice opinions, argue more harshly than they could non-anonymously, or just to mock. And this site is similar to that. Most people are here to vent and not to make friends.

You're probably just too much in a sensitive state of mind right now because of things going on in your life. Did you lose friends or are you in a situation you feel you aren't socially adapting to. Here's my throwaway email if you want to talk: mintfreshtaste@outlook.com of not then hey alot of people feel like you, the best option is to logically decide is it your own headspace making you negative or is it you need better friends and family.

No. 124350

You have to show interest in people first, take the initiative.

you don't have to fill out your name btw

No. 124431

Should I follow my ex again on Instagram?

Bit of a long story but I'll try to keep it brief. I was in a LDR with my ex for about a year (we met on IG and were friends for about three years) but we just weren't a good fit for each other. We broke up more than once but I called things off for good back in May. We agreed to be amicable towards each other and were still talking every so often. That changed when I started dating someone else.

He immediately started posting negatively about me to the point that some of our mutual followers unfollowed me. I never retaliated because I thought it was all childish but I did unfollow him. I'm conflicted because he's not a terrible person but him behaving that way left a sour taste in my mouth. I genuinely enjoy his artwork (that's how we became friends) and that's the main reason I want to follow again.

No. 124437

he's likely to think you're following again for personal reasons, not art reasons, so unless you wanna deal with that kinda fuckery then best steer clear

No. 124440

File: 1569899724916.jpg (15.36 KB, 437x431, 43234047_1150341555113891_5058…)

I've been friends with this one girl for a year now. We hang out a lot and it's fun but we don't have much in common and her interests are a bit juvenile. The longer I know her the more I'm put off by her personality and find myself getting annoyed with her whenever we hang out.

I don't want to make a huge, intricate list but basically I feel like we are on different intellectual wavelengths and she does a lot of things that makes me wonder if she's autistic. She's very awkward and socially anxious, has trouble with empathy and has very little emotional intelligence when it comes to reading people and situations. She reminds me of an alien that's constantly trying to understand humans.

She's not a bad person. She's very nice and considerate, has celebrating birthdays and holidays with me, etc. which is why I feel bad when I think about just dropping her as a friend. I just really can't stomach a lot of parts of her personality sometimes.

There have been a few times where I felt like I could rely on her for emotional support during hard times but she just wasn't there emotionally for me, yet I've seen her get emotional and cry over fictional characters dying. It's stuff like that that really makes me question everything.

What do you guys think?

No. 124442

Just bookmark his page and check it one a week/month or however often he posts art.
You don't need an automatic reminder to keep track.

No. 124460

Maybe keep her as a casual friend? She does sound weird as fuck though lol. You're not obligated to keep being friends with anyone so don't feel bad if you drop her. I doubt she'd be a good friend in the long run anyways.. probably more exhausting and trouble than she's worth

No. 124481

I've just realized that my childhood best friend is batshit insane and I need advice on how to get her out of my life. Sorry this is long but I need to get it off my chest.

Our friendship is long-distance and I see her only once or twice a year. I invited her over to hang out at my new apartment. She was fully aware that my boyfriend lives with me and things are serious. We had an okay time until my bf got home from work. Instead of saying hi to him like a normal person, she moaned sexually and told him that she wanted to ride a certain actor's face (the actor she referenced looks like my bf). My bf said "okay…" and went to the kitchen to grab a beer. She followed him to the kitchen and started doing sexual yoga poses, bending over, stretching, cracking her back and saying "ooh, that's good" while moaning like a pornstar. She was wearing a crop top and gym shorts hiked all the way up so her butt cheeks were on full display. Then we're all sitting on the couch drinking beer and she's sitting with her legs open with her labia hanging out on the sofa. She's basically daring my bf to look at her labia and she keeps desperately trying to get his attention by talking about how horny she is. She brags about how she blew a bunch of her co-workers and then says she needs a dick in her hole while making a blowjob gesture. My bf and I are CLEARLY uncomfortable but she doesn't notice or care. I try to make mundane small talk by referencing a band that we just saw live, and she responds by saying that the singer's mustache would make a great landing strip for her vag.

She's also creepily obsessed with me. She'll grab my lipstick and start using it, drink from my beverages, eat food off my plate, eat my leftovers, wear my clothes, use my hairbrush/skincare - all this without asking. She stares at me for up to 45 minutes straight while repeating a robotic list of compliments about how cool/cute/quirky I am and how amazing my fashion/style/hair is. She constantly touches me, sits on me, lays on me, or otherwise invades my personal space. In the past I was stupid enough to believe that this was just her way of being friendly, her love language or whatever.

The worst thing is that we parted on good terms so she is still talking to me like nothing happened. I know I should have confronted her when it was happening but I was honestly paralyzed with shock.

TL;DR: my childhood best friend is a histrionic skinwalking creep who tried to seduce my boyfriend in front of me and I need advice on ghosting her/ending the friendship

No. 124483


Honestly just drop her completely, the boyfriend thing especially is 1000% inappropriate and creepy and disgusting and disrespectful and no amount of robotic compliments will change it, ever. Just tell her that what she did is fucking creepy and you are too creeped out to continue being her friend, and to stay away from you. I'm worried for you anon… good thing your friendship is long distance anyway, even easier to drop.

No. 124484

You guys I keep missing my ex even though he was abusive as fuck and it's been 2 years since we broke up.
I keep seeing him post stuff online and I know I romanticize him and only remember the good stuff but somehow I can't get myself to actually feel that. It's like I'm still emotionally dependent on him after all this time. Even though I know getting beaten up every day was killing me I catch myself making up excuses like we were both young and I've done bad stuff too and he's definitely changed.
Having such strong feelings about him still scares me, like I might never get over him.

No. 124492

File: 1569983972733.jpg (36.17 KB, 399x398, D9c_doqXYAExQGd.jpg)

Lately my best friend has gotten into the habit of sending me a very long string of snapchat videos of her ranting/venting about everything (she's rather dramatic), and it's starting to really annoy me. Is that fair? We live apart and I love and miss her dearly, but especially this week has been hard for me from just school stresses I feel I hardly have the energy to deal with my own problems, and I know school is hard for her too but lately it just seems the only thing she has to talk to me about is whatever inconvenience happened to her that day. I'd probably be less annoyed if it wasn't so much, but when I say long I mean almost 10 minutes of snap videos (when snapchat allows you to fully record a minute of video at a time). My mom used to say to not let other people's burdens be your burdens, but is this a fair or right way to think, or am I being a bad friend?

No. 124510

no that's weird and annoying

No. 124531

How are you guys friends? I just tell me friends to fuck off if they do uncomfortable things around me.

Did this happen suddenly?
Has she always been like this?

Just drop her. And hope she doesn't attempt to kill you cause she sounds psychotic.

No. 124544

>don't let other people's burdens be your burdens.
Lmao, that's one stone cold mama.

It's not rude to just ignore her when you haven't got time for that. Usually if you wait until the weekends, they've gotten over most of the dramatic part and they can surmise their week into a nice short conversation. But if you engage them every night they're gonna complain every night because you've become their comfy blanket.

It surprises me you describe her as such a good friend when you can't even say in a casual way hey you're spamming me stop. Try being more blunt. Don't abandon a good friend, just draw a line.

No. 124550

I've currently put up all my lolita for sale after a huge argument with my boyfriend about it, now people are interested I want to remove all the posts and hideaway. He has a problem with me wearing it because it makes me look like a child (he's 26, I'm 18) and he dislikes how it makes him look like a pervert. I feel really stuck. I love him, should I sell the dresses?

No. 124551

>he's 26, I'm 18

He's worried you wearing lolita will make him look like a pervert but not the fact that he's nearly 30 dating someone just out of high school? Makes sense

No. 124552

Well in all honesty we already get weird looks when we're out together, but he says they're too much to handle when I'm in lolita.

No. 124553

>he dislikes how it makes him look like a pervert
It's an inappropriate age gap regardless of the clothes, maybe he should date a woman his own age?

But controlling what you wear and not letting you enjoy your passions is classic controlling older male behaviour so obviously he's not that concerned.

No. 124554

I honestly never saw it as inappropriate, my mum quite likes him too despite the age gap. I guess since the age of consent is 16 here I never saw it as terrible.

Age gap aside, I guess it is pretty controlling. I've been in abusive situations before and I'd like to think this is different. But I do see his perspective with this, I do look a lot more childish in lolita.

No. 124561

so he's still a weird alt right nazi animefag, you just don't know if he's trans? girl who cares dump his ass he sounds disgusting either way!

you sound rly fun anon! i love people like you, the only bad thing is probably interrupting and volume in certain situations. interrupting can be really annoying or even hurtful to quieter people a lot of the time. i'd say just try to listen rly attentively to other people. i think you'll naturally notice the volume they're speaking at and can try to match it, and if you're really paying attention to them you won't be as likely to talk over them

No. 124563


I can't say if she was always like this… This was my first time spending an extended period of time with her in a private setting since childhood. It was her first time ever seeing me in my own place with a serious long-term boyfriend (she has had countless tumultuous relationships that of course all ended badly). She doesn't have her own place and she complained all night about how boring and fat her own boyfriend was, and how he doesn't satisfy her sexually. I think her obsession with me festered into hatred.

I know I need to drop her but I don't know how. I'm scared she'll retaliate if I confront it head-on, but a slow burn ghosting is also risky because she will inevitably bring up the subject of hanging out again… and then I'll have to spit it out anyway.

No. 124567

I feel at such a loss in my life. I am not sure if I'm suffering from a fluctuating mental health or not.

There are so many things I want to do… but I do none of them. They're simple things. I don't even know where my time goes. I wake up, I'm tired from the start, and then it's night and I sleep.

I manage to keep the house clean and sew, but that's about it. And I'm not sewing enough to get what I really wanna do, done. I don't "have time" to draw, or play games… or anything.

It's like my brain is just building a wall to stop me from doing things. I've been telling myself I'll play the sims again for a year now and haven't been able to make myself do it. I remember when I was a kid I'd draw, game, ect all the time.

What's happening to me?

No. 124584

I'm nearly 23 and still a virgin. I'm kind of a prude and genitals aren't attractive to me in the first place either. I don't really like it how most people view sex so casually and how in discord servers nearly everyone is in the NSFW channels. Am I weird for having a prude emotional view on sex and porn and not liking that people act like animals about it even sharing porn and hentai with each other in dedicated discord channels? I'm also dating a perverted guy like that and it makes me a bit uncomfortable knowing sex is nothing special to him and he's another animal.. I dated guys who were on the same page as me so yeah. I just wonder if I'm weird and shouldn't care about things like this

No. 124599

I've been wondering if I should do something about my friend's casual sexism and racism. She has autism and when she's in a relationship she goes into full "mate guarding" mode and is always putting down other women she sees as a threat, even saying that non-white women are loose and she's better for being white and things like that. Her boyfriends are always the scummiest men you can imagine so it's kinda sad seeing her do this sort of thing because of some loser.

No. 124653

So I moved into a place about 2 months ago now and it uses an old card reader to pay for the electric. I've noticed it hasn't changed since we put the first amount in whereas my neighbors does go down. So I'm currently not paying for electric it seems? Should I tell my landlord or is it up to them to check it's working properly?

No. 124654

In the UK it's up to you, and you will get charged all the miss amount if you don't pay. I'd assume US is similar? If not, you guys are lucky.

No. 124655

Yeah I am in the UK. I'm worried about getting charged the missed amount but this is the first time I'm dealing with paying bills (student lol) so I genuinely didn't know it was supposed to change so quickly like my neighbors. Thank you though!

No. 124664

File: 1570191497909.jpg (9.32 KB, 225x225, doomer.jpg)

you've reached doomer anon

jokes aside,i've felt/been feeling very similar and have been pretty similar to what you describe.maybe you're depressed?it's pretty likely

No. 124669

Depression. You need therapy.

No. 124714

you're not weird at all anon, but here's some insight for you. I was 25 when I lost my virginity, and I had pretty reserved opinions about sex beforehand. However, after having it and it becoming a regular occurrence in my life, my attitude toward it has changed - not drastically, but I've had some pretty intense sex with my boyfriend where we are just going at it, and I wouldn't have ever found that appealing until I became more experienced. So no, you're not weird at all for having conservative views on sex, but you'll probably find that changes once you start having sex.

No. 124739

File: 1570318345591.jpg (282.66 KB, 1080x812, 20191005_191337.jpg)

im pretty sure i have an ocd type problem, i can't stop picking hairs but i can't use my tweezers daily and i dont have hours to spend! so im using a razor and shave from every direction until i feel nothing even if i end up making cuts. and then the hair begins to grow back, and if i cant shave it smooth i scratch and scratch and squeeze the hairs out like a blackhead to try and emulate. dead skin gets under my nails AND THEN i have to remove all the dead skin off my body. make it all go away oh my god
scabs are developing and my skin hurts everywhere but i im not satisfied. i thought i have like trichotillomania but according to wikipedia body dysmorphic can include these and i have severe body image insecurities.

my legs are turning into pepperoni cheese pizza how do i stop

No. 124748

Is there a female only board in existence where we are allowed to discuss politics? Where "politics" isn't pro tranny, pro male, libfem crap? Been banned from /ot/(and called a scrote, despite probably being one of the biggest man-haters on this site lmao), so I figured it is time to find greener pastures anyways.

No. 124750

See a doctor as soon as you can. You need help early on for a life overwhelming disorder like this. Don't wait until its literally destroying your ability to do things. It will get worse and you need to set up a support system.

What is the greener pastures for man hating politics? I think its tumblr.

No. 124754

What should I do if I'm being skinwalked and the person just won't stop? I have already blocked them everywhere I can think of.

No. 124755

There is a radfem shelter Discord since the threads were merged. It should be in the current or last thread.

No. 124756

File: 1570352193299.jpg (43.56 KB, 750x750, 70412897_2215471731914801_6994…)

Hey anons, i just want a little advice on this current situation im in, so a long term friend of mine just came out of nowhere and decided to end our friendship. She told me that because i kept sharing drama posts to her and just wanted to talk on one topic only ( just only recently mind you) and drop me like a hot potato while she could have easily said something to change the topic or alert me that she didnt like it…sometimes i just cant read the tone of the chat session so i knew i did something wrong on my part but instead of fixing the situation, she just want me out because i dont understand her like other people did. The day she wrote me that text abt wanting to end our friendship it tore me apart, i felt like someone just stabbed me in my deepest and most vulnerable part of myself…we kinda sort things out but she didnt apologize like i did and brush it of like it was nothing, i knew that there was some unsung tension between us because she kept ignoring my text. I felt abandoned, i cried because of her every night, all the things we did together just went down the drain, bet she felt happy to get rid of a burden like me…Tell me anons, is this friendship still worth fixing and keeping?

No. 124758

Sounds like she ditched you because your autism is exhausting. Leave it be.

No. 124760

>Tell me anons, is this friendship still worth fixing and keeping?
She told you she doesn't want to be friends, why are you acting like you still have this option? Respect her wishes, move on.

No. 124761

Well, its not something that i could move on immediately…i know i come as very whiney but im at a very emotional state rn. Thank you for your advice, it'll take a hint and leave

No. 124763

You need to deal with your emotions better if this is enough to send you spiralling into autism. Your first post sounds pretty much like a skinwalker in the making.

No. 124765

Damn really? Guess i was pretty fed up abt it. Because i felt like lolcow is the only place where i can tell/vent about my problem irl without bothering anyone ~~ i just have alot on my mind but ill get back on my feet soon.

No. 124766

You can vent about it, but it’s not gonna hurt you to realise that people find it a bit weird.

Do you understand why she dropped you?

No. 124767

Because i am too much and too emotional ? yea

No. 125006

Well I still think porn and genitals are disgusting and I don't think that is going to change just by being forced to have sex with a guy because it's expected in a relationship lol

No. 125008

Nta but they didn't say anything about forcing you to have sex? I think what they described is how sometimes you can make it to 20/25 and never masturbate or have sex.. but then as soon as you do it once it can open the floodgates so to speak

I experienced something like that at around twenty, went from thinking I was asexual (as I'd made it to that age with no desire to even masturbate) then once I had my first orgasm and first penetrative experience I could barely go a day without it

I do think some are purely asexual though so not everyone will have a 'sexual awakening' after experiencing it and some won't want to try it, which is cool too

No. 125012

File: 1570714985848.png (115.54 KB, 500x447, mostbritishpicever.png)

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate thread to post on, but I don't know where else to ask.

Does anyone know any site where one can learn how to speak the Queen's English? I know there's a lot of websites that teaches you general English grammar and all that, but I'm specifically looking for a site where I can practice speaking in English with real people? I tried to look for English classes in my area, unfortunately I live in a third world hellhole so this option is a no-go. Or is there anyone out there who's willing to be my English speaking buddy to practice English with? My friends avoid speaking English with me and I don't know who else I can practice English language with.

I just want to speak in British accent gosh darnit! It's always been my dream as a kid to be able to speak fluent British English or just English in general because I grew up watching and listening mostly western media.

No. 125014

A definitive 'British Accent' doesn't exist but you can look up videos for 'received pronunciation' (RP for short) which is the universally posh English accent you're looking for, there are lots of videos about that. Elocution is another good keyword. You can also watch a lot of historical British dramas and try imitating some of the lines and playing it back to yourself so that you can listen to what you actually sound like.

If you have spare money you could hire an online English tutor, lots of people do that, but it's unlikely you can find someone to help you with it for free because there's nothing for them to gain doing that.

No. 125022

italki is a website that lets you speak one-on-one with tutors (you pay by the hour IIRC), I'm sure you could specifically seek out British English speakers on there.
And of course, surround yourself with as much British media as possible: shows, podcasts, youtubers, etc. Something I did when practicing my speaking skills in my second language was to watch TV/movies and listen to the actors speak, pause, and then try to repeat what they said exactly. Kinda makes you feel like a crazy person but it's a small help when you don't have native speakers to practice with.

No. 125080

I made my dad really angry and he attacked me. He bit me and kicked against my legs while yelling really mean things. It was like he was an other person and I'd never seen him like that before. (he is easily angered but never got fysical)
My mom doesnt really want to talk about it and says that I can really infuriate people. (it's kind of true)
This event has got me really upset though, I feel like I haven't been the same around them since.
I dont think they will accept it if I tell them how upset this made me.

No. 125081

One of my (best?) friends (nearing 30) works in a call center and has since made it his life. Our friendship is now long distance and he‘s such a normie now, but in a bad way. He can be very self righteous. I was talking to him about the creative projects another friend was doing (which I‘m very proud to talk about because he struggles with mental health and productivity) and he kept asking negative questions, focusing on "does he have an actual paid job?", "how does he pay bills?" and stuff. I ask him what bills he himself pays since he lives with his own parents and he said "I pay my taxes :)".

I don‘t know. He used to be this bright, creative star and now when it gets on topics like that he has this sort of small town loser with a superiority complex kind of attitude. And when I try discuss deeper topics as we always used to, he‘ll get back to me with the most generic reaction gifs that I KNOW is how he talks in the work group chats.

Like I want to know how he got this way, and I want to bring him back. It‘s been a slow transition over 3 years I‘ve been away, only losing any conversation of substance in the last year.

What did you actually do? Either way that‘s really fucked and if you live in that house and can move out, I would. No person would normally physically attack someone unless you killed his dog or something.

No. 125082

File: 1570803979270.jpeg (894.87 KB, 1125x1035, EE5F1FC7-4272-4581-BF30-706972…)


You are being used as a scapegoat by your mom, it’s not that she doesn’t see it or knows how abusive that was she just doesn’t want to be the physical receiver of his abuse anymore

she won’t stand up to him, not for you maybe for herself

>she will deflect everything when you to talk about it

>she’s going to blame it on you not him for not acting like a responsible adult

> she won’t acknowledge her mistakes when you finally wisen up and GTFO

>she WILL defend him until he cracks and hurts her too much (note: as the scapegoat this doesn’t mean she will help you if he hurts you anything to save herself)

You need to understand that you won’t be safe if this escalates both physically and mentally

Actual advice

>make sure never to date anyone like him

> get out of lolcow and find some resources in your local community (e.g. church groups youth groups social worker women advocate centres or even a library) so you can find affordable therapy sessions have someone to talk to.

Get out.
And for the love of god don’t repeat the cycle

No. 125088

Has anyone here had an abortion before? I had unprotected sex a few times with the guy im seeing this month, which I've never done before. I'm on birth control and have been for years, but my period was due today and it's not arrived. I could be freaking out over nothing, I've been a few days late before. But man. I feel like such a fucking idiot. And I guess it would help me to know what I would be in for should it be the worst case scenario..

No. 125101

Does anyone have any advice for what I should do with my senior cat? I live alone with my one pet cat. My mental health is really deteriorating and I don't think I can take care of her anymore. I can barley take care of myself. She's getting old, and getting more and more health problems, but she could live for another 4-5 or more years, and I just don't think I can take care of her anymore. I don't have any friends to give her to, and no one in my family will take her. Should I just have her put down? I really don't want to take her to a shelter. I volunteered at a nicer one and it was really depressing and older cats don't get adopted anyway. I just don't know what to do…

No. 125102

>what country are you in? (If you don’t want to say it, it’s abortion legal?)
> do you have a good safety net? (Therapy, friends)

If abortion isn’t legal where you are there’s other options online

Choose what’s best for your future and don’t look back

No. 125103

See if someone can foster her (research with shelters) and get therapy/fix your shit or put her down

No. 125104

I volunteered at a shelter and the healthy/non-contagious cats that were allowed to roam free in a large room with a lot of space to go outside have a pretty good life there imo. I wouldn't put her down. Get your shit together and take care of her or get someone to adopt her but it isn't fair for her to put her down.

No. 125108

See if someone in your community will take her. Ask around. Otherwise, take her to a shelter in a wealthy area.

No. 125120

Its not illegal here, and I would definitely choose one, I have no intention of becoming a mother now. I'm just feeling ashamed honestly

No. 125124

I had an abortion in March of last year. It was nbd for me, I never really think about it, but I totally understand the emotional toll it can have on most women. It's not an easy decision to make.

No. 125164

Fellow anons with hella long nails - I need a new computer mouse. I'd like to get one that's more game-focused with programmable buttons, but I don't wanna sink cash in to something my claws are gonna make it impossible to play with. Any recs?

No. 125218

Try a vertical mouse. You use more the body of your finger than the tip.

No. 125229

I'm depressed
I push people away
And I've straight up told people that I don't want to be friends with them

But a lot of my therapeutic actions involve reaching out to friends that you've neglected or turned away from–
If I did reach out to them, how do I make sure that I don't just abandon them again?

That's one of the biggest reasons I stopped being friends, I didn't want them to care about me if I did something destructive and hurtful to myself–
And more importantly, how do I make it up to them?
It feels super flimsy for me to say "oh yeah, I was in a bad place, but now I'm ready to be friends so now we can be friends"–because that doesn't mean they will be friends

No. 125234

You can be really open with them about it. Explain that you've been having problems with your mental health, you've recognised that you've pushed people away, and now you want to reconnect. Most people will understand your reasoning and probably relate in some way. If they aren't comfortable with that - that's okay. Try again another time. Maybe they're going through some tough times, too.

How do you stop yourself from ghosting? Continue with therapy. Apologise if it happens. Don't let it get months-deep before you try to pick up again. If you keep to a routine, add something social to it every day - even just dropping someone a text or sending them a dumb meme is /something/.

thanks! I went with a Steelseries Rival 110, for any fellow long-nailed anons wondering.

No. 125240

Sometimes I think something really stupid by reflex and I stop and think, "Oh my god, this is me". I can't deny that I'm a little ditzy by nature, but it's hard to fully accept it. This truth is painful. I'm already known as being ditzy to others, so there's no point in fighting it. Overall, I know that I love knowledge and I try my best to improve, but my desire is to naturally be more normal. I don't know how I can love myself with this obvious flaw. When I was a teen, my therapist even said "so you're a bit ditzy", when I described the situations which preceded the mental abuse I was given from my family (being called retarded). Has anyone else gotten over this? Therapy has identified that I have a negativity schema, I realize that, and I'm doing work to stop believing negative things all of the time.. but realistically, I'm a little bit ditzy. Sometimes I need a second to understand something someone says. Idk how can I be realistic and healthy.

No. 125294

File: 1571104057385.jpeg (781.28 KB, 1543x2048, 93F069FF-D65A-4E48-AF6C-CA40FE…)

How do I make new friends? Especially as old as I am (29)? I took a dream job in a new city and now I’m starting to panic because I’m not outgoing and I don’t have outgoing hobbies. What do I do?

No. 125297


better to ask questions when confused than pretend you understand. All else equal, I admire the honesty it takes to admit to yourself and others that you don't know/understand something. Intelligence imo isn't about knowing everything but questioning everything. And stupid thoughts can be the catalyst to invention… or at least a way to find others who share your sense of humour.

Congrats on pursuing therapy, it's hard work!

No. 125319

Depends on what your hobbies are
There's always a way to meet new people regardless of your age–don't let some sort of stigma let you get in the way of meeting new people
Whether it's a club (for hobbies or for dancing), a internet meet up (farmers only I'm sure), or just reaching out to someone who has stuff in common with you while shopping

You kinda just have to be proactive–try making a plan on what you'll do if you see someone who you might want to be friends with and then try to make sure it's not super awkward

No. 125358

How do other art anons get into a routine of actually drawing? I really need to start putting together a portfolio but I always get so discouraged and hate everything that I do. I feel like shit all of the time and never can push through it so I just go on the internet all day. I'm about to graduate college and can't keep dragging my feet, and I really don't want to be working in retail forever. Are there any small steps I can take now that will help lead to finding my passion again and love what I do?

No. 125372

for art block, i usually just look at artist pages online. this tends to inspire me enough to close the computer and get out my sketchbook. a helpful thing for me was to just look at some good art and then force myself to get off my ass and draw or sketch something daily. if ive lost what feels like the swing of things and a lot of skill from not doing work, sketching just a random picture inspired by someones art i saw at least once a day helps me pick up momentum. and another rule: you cant be critical until you know its done. dont let yourself give up. you can even set a reminder on your phone to remind you to keep working after breaks or when you wake up. also try relaxing yourself (maybe put on some music or tv in the background, sit by a window, make some tea or whatever you like to drink) so you arent so tense and judgmental of every line you put to paper. this at least helped me.

No. 125395

I'm in art school right now, drawing and painting. What I do is I try to draw one thing every single day. Even something small. I have a Pinterest board that I just fill with reference for drawing studies, so if I have no idea what to draw I can just study a photo of like an animal or person or landscape or whatever. Some days I go without drawing at all, and thats okay, I don't let a failed day keep me failing, a new day is a fresh start. I've improved heaps since the start of the year by doing this.

No. 125398

I've been having some difficulties with compulsive eating lately. I'm always really hungry, and eating doesn't actually help, it just makes me feel ill. But I feel like an animal, like I can't stop myself from eating. It's so so embarrassing because I often manage to avoid eating too much during the day but then I always fail at night and because I live in a college the kitchen is closed at night, so I find myself digging around college trash, it's so revolting and I really really want to stop doing this but I KEEP doing it!!! I seriously feel like degraded by myself to the level of an animal. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with this awful compulsive eating? Like what I can do when I get the urge to stop myself? It's really stressing me out and it'll take me a few weeks before I can see my psych so I'm pretty desperate, I know a lot of people here are good with temperance regarding food…

No. 125401

get an internet blocker or something to keep yourself off the internet

No. 125403

How do I go about a healthy breakup?

I‘m talking about a full on life change. I‘m unemployed, dependent and living in a foreign country with him. My aim is to be independent in this country.

We eventually had this blowup argument where he wanted to split and I begged we try therapy. I‘ve always gone at least 90% with the emotional labor, and put up with my feelings being invalidated a lot. If this is fixed I feel it will always be a struggle to get him to…try, even. He‘s always been a silent follower.

Our dynamic is very good, friendly and peaceful at the moment, better than it‘s been in months. But since that argument and realizing how apathetic he is to it all…I don‘t see it long term as I used to. My daily life has changed so much vs. when I was single that it can surprise me if I remember exes that cared not only as much, but actually MORE than I did. It‘s just so weird when I see how things are from an outside perspective. I‘m grateful that he‘s supporting me but I‘m not happy.

I think what I need to do will require months of hard work…but I just don‘t know where to start! I‘m job searching. I wish I could go for a low paying job, enough to get rent but there‘s so much more cost wise. I‘m qualified for a nice paying graduate job so that‘s what I‘m going for. I can‘t go back to my parents house and have grown distant from all past close friends due to being away for so long. Bf is currently the one person in my life.

I‘m keeping things friendly with him but not delving too deep emotionally, and letting basically all problematic behavior from him slide unless egregious (probably why we have a positive dynamic atm).

This has turned into half vent half seeking advice…do I read books on how to step by step become an independent woman? I‘m basically trying to build step by step an entirely new life as an independent person while I have the chance.

No. 125432

I look so old and don't know why. It has to be something with my features but I can't pinpoint what exactly. To make it worse all my friends are considered very young looking (mistaken for 15) meanwhile I look my age or older.
I take very good care of my skin and it's definitely paying of. So why do I look so much older than my friends who have already fine lines on their forehead and eyes plus smile lines, despite having smooth skin? I also have big cheeks, so it's not like I look gaunt or haggard.
Any idea why that is? What could I do to look more youthful?

No. 125435

It could be face shape or strong features. If you have a long face or perhaps a big nose it will make you look more mature. Also eye shape and size, small and narrow eyes could look older.

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