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In need of advice? Post here!
Last thread: >>87009
If they aren't giving you effort you shouldn't give them any back!
There's no issue with that, as an adult you can decide who you want to surround yourself with for whatever reason. The same goes for him. I would like to say, talking consistently isn't my strong suit either and this led to someone controlling me by constantly wanting to talk and getting emotional if I didn't so I had to cut ties for the opposite reason. It's just not my thing and maybe it's not his, especially if he is branching out and experiencing new things, he'll be busier.
Id say its fine to cut ties if that's what you want but you should not worry about it too much and focus on those who give you effort.
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I'm going to move to Japan in 4 months. Despite this being my weeb dream since i was 9 years old, now its actually happening I feel nothing but worry and fear of being alone and leaving my friends and family behind.
I'm not even the type of person who is constantly surrounded by others;I generally prefer alone time and I moved out years ago. I've been to Japan before and I am 100% certain this is what I want; but the worry of moving to another country is daunting to me.
Does anyone know actually watchable Jvloggers, cool japan videos, books, games, manga, anime, ANYTHING that can help me get over this anxiety and remind me how much I actually want to go?
I have a lot of problems finding Jvloggers I actually like because they're either unbearable or like Taylor R where you just see her face the entire time and does nothing exciting.
And if anyone has any advice for moving to another country, I would appreciate it. I am going to be studying there for years, so that makes it even more anxiety inducing.
Well, no, that's not really the problem. I don't expect it to be like an anime or something; again, I have been before.
My problem is I'm dealing with a lot of worry/anxiety from moving to a different country, and as a consequence I can only think of the negatives of the move.
I mentioned it was Japan because I wanted a specific type of media to help calm my anxiety about moving and hopefully replace the negative feelings my brain is forcing on me with positive ones.
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Aw anon, reading this reminded me a lot of myself. I recently moved to a foreign country for uni (and I plan to stay here for work) and I can totally relate to the anxiety you're feeling. At first when I was still home, I was so excited to move, but as my actual flight crept closer and closer my anxiety completely consumed me. During the flight landing I remember trying not to have a breakdown on the plane because I was just staring out the window looking at this foreign city thinking, "How the fuck is this happening? What the fuck did I get myself into? Can I really do this?"
I can't give you any advice about Japan specifically as I moved to a European country, but please don't worry too much, I'm sure you'll be fine. I won't lie, at first it's gonna be scary and overwhelming, but you just gotta push through because it'll be worth it once you settle in. Honestly moving to a new country really helped me learn to deal with my anxiety and insecurities; I've made such a fucking fool out of myself so many times that now I've just learned to laugh at myself and move on. And I bet Japanese natives would go easy on an obvious foreigner who's doing their best to adapt to a new culture, so don't even worry about that.
If you want to comfort yourself, go back to where this all started. What made your 9 year old self fall in love with Japan? Indulge yourself in nostalgia, go back and relish in every corny old anime and manga series you loved when you were younger, and imagine telling your child self that you're about to move to Japan. I bet she'd be fucking stoked, right?
A personal anecdote: I remember shortly before I left I was randomly scrolling through my ancient deviantart account for shits and giggles. I made the account when I was 11. I was looking at my cringy journal entries and I found a questionnaire I filled out, and one of the things I said on there was, "I really really really want to move to (country I live in now) when I'm an adult!" I got so fucking choked up when I read that. I didn't even remember wanting to move here when I was that age, and it was fucking nuts to me that I was actually going to live there now. It oddly comforted me, like I was making my dweeby loser 11 year old self happy.
Sorry for this absolute word vomit that probably made no sense, but I hope you can alleviate some of your worries and enjoy your new life in Japan. Seriously, you're going to have a fucking blast, I promise you. Best of luck anon, I'm rooting for you!
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Anon, thank you so much for this reply. I don't mean to be all soppy but this really helped a lot to read, it's really comforting to know that I'm not the only one, and things will get better.
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Anon, if I did not know better I would say I wrote that post. (& you are so nice)
I moved to a European country to study last August. The last weeks before leaving and the first months living here were very overwhelming, even though I already knew the country and was sure of my decision. I had so many anxieties and lived in so much stress thinking something would happen to my family or to me, that I was not prepared to live on my own, etc. Now I've settled down and am doing good, missing my mom but she is coming to visit me soon so that's okay. I would not like to go back and plan will stay here to work, too.>>115451
go and live your dreams.
Truth is, there's nothing that can prepare for you actually moving.
What is happening soon was so anticipated by you, but at the same time, the future is completely out of your control and that is a very normal reason to be anxious.
To me, it seemed like I wanted this forever and all of a sudden it was there and I was NOT ready. But really, you are never ready - the experience of moving abroad is something that will change you, and you can't know how. Just be open-minded and let it come to you.
That said, try to control your anxiety so you can have a good time before going. Also, do things that you will cherish when you are in Japan and missing home. I would suggest spending time with your family and friends but also eating your favorite foods from where you're from, etc. Try to keep occupied and not so focused on what will happen, like I said, you can't know how it's gonna be, so just let it come to you. Just know that you'll survive and you will be fine, discover new things, have fun, and grow a lot from it. Sometimes it's going to be fucking rough but that's part of it, and that's ok too.
You're very brave anon, I'd love to get to know Japan someday. Good luck!
For what I seem to understand, you're not living with your boyfriend.
If you don't want to confront her directly, the easiest way is talking to your bf into asking her not to come in his room without prior asking and not letting her in that often. It's not much, but it can help…
I don't know about where you live, but here we are kind of private among roommates and is not normal entering other people's room if not directly invited, so it is usually understandable if you ask someone else not to come in.
Maybe ask a friend to come over and help you.
Be practical. First make a list of what you need ie: 1 dress, 3 t-shirts, 3 tanks, etc. And remember it's summer there, so you can thrift new winter clothes when you're there.
It sounds like you two are on the same page about it. Men have boundaries too, like imagine if the situation was reversed and it was a guy walking into your room half naked. Your feelings are valid
, and you're probably dwelling on it because you feel powerless about it.
I would pressure him to talk to his roommate man-to-man and explain the situation. "Bro, the way your GF is acting is making mine jealous, and it's causing problems in my relationship. Can she not."
Don't try to out-hoe her, or turn it into a competition, just make it clear that her acting that way isn't acceptable and get everyone involved on the same page about it, and hopefully she'll change her behavior without too much drama, or find someone else to hit on.
i cant find the plastic surgery thread, i hope its ok to ask it here.
does anyone have any experiences with under eye fillers? I have extremely hollow tear throughs and ive always had them, even as a young child. they are like giant craters under my eyes, and i also sometimes have eczema around my eyes and dry skin which makes it look worse, but obviously this is easier to control. people constantly make remarks about how i always look tired, even if ive slept a lot the night before. some boys at my school when i was about 12 always made remarks about how i look like a drug addict. i want to get rid of them really bad, even though my family keeps on telling me that i shouldnt.
i think they make my face look markedly uglier, and thats saying something since the rest of my face isnt that attractive either. if i try to cover them up with my hands or photoshop them out, i feel like i look a lot better. i know a doctor in my city who does them, i think she does restylane (sp?) fillers. has anyone else got them before, and was it worth it?
go to the dentist or psychiatrist and figure out why you're grinding your teeth, depending on the cause, then stop grinding your teeth.
have your boyfriend invest in earplugs in the meantime.
>>115810>bullied as a kid for being a drug addict because of your undereye hollows
I thought this was just me. And then as a teenager the same boys would try to suck up to me and ask me where to buy weed, but then just bully me again when I told them I didn't smoke.
If you do get fillers please let us know how it turns out. Personally, as I care less as I've gotten older since it's normal for everyone to look tired, the playing field has become level, but it's still interesting to learn about.
i feel the drug thing. it was always either the boys at school who would make fun of me for being a "drug addict", and ive also been stopped by the bouncers at night clubs because i "look like im on drugs" even though ive never touched anything except alcohol in my entire life.
im kind of torn on getting it done, because i think it would bring me so much relief if i did, but ive also read about complications and im also concerned about allergic reactions since my body is very sensitive to things like that in general lol.
You're probably right. I've been wanting a female friend for a while anyway, and she does seem sweet and fun from what I know.
It would probably be a good choice all around, thank you anon. I'll ask her if she wants to meet up for lunch or something!
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My brother and I have a significant age gap-
I’m 28, he’s 36.
He’s never had a girlfriend, nor ANY friends since middle school. He’s incredibly smart, but (and I feel like an asshole saying so) I can see why. He seems hopeless and it’s hard to spend time around him because I get annoyed. He has a good job, good hygiene, thin and 5’10, and lives alone. I recently spent time around him and here’s what we’re working with:
- he does the virgin walk, except a proud version of it. Taking large steps and swinging his arms with lightly clenched fists. The way a cartoon would exaggeratedly walk.
- when perusing things he puts his hands behind his back and leans forward, like a nobleman would.
- his glasses are quintessential thin wire framed “nerd” glasses that flatter almost no one.
- wears the white briefs typically only little boys use.
- poofy hair that’s thinning; when I advised he looks much better with it short he just said “yes yes, you’ve told me as much prior”
- he makes… comments on everything and speaks incredibly neckbeardy in a way hard to really articulate. Ex: he notices his jeans had whiskering on them and said “seems there was an issue with the dying and such- as if, perhaps, it was wrinkled at the time, and the dye adhered to a certain area- bah! I must purchase some new ones!”
- doesn’t drink or do drugs, which sadly is a big hindrance for socializing
- I know plenty of anti dog people, but he does it in a weird way. I wish I could articulate how bizarre it is?
- is a nice person, I’ve never seen him be bitter or speak ill of normies or generally vapid people
I’m a woman that dates VERY unconventional men, but they all have friends at least, even if I’m their first girlfriend. I can’t see myself ever dating a guy like him, nor anyone else wanting to. If he’s truly happy, I want to leave him be- I just can’t imagine being so alone and being content.
Yeah he kinda sounds autistic to me, but he seems to be content and doing well for himself, at least he's not a basement dwelling neckbeard or something.
I wouldn't worry too much about him. You're a good sister for caring, but some people are loners and truly don't mind being on their own. And you never know, he could find a girlfriend one day. Sounds like the type of guy to get married to one of those awkward horse girls who still dress like it's 2003.
I'd say so. I can only speak for myself but I have high functioning autism and I've always been content on my own. I hardly made friends as a child and I never thought twice about it, I was always happy doing my own thing. I only felt weird about not having friends because other people pressured me about it. I'm introverted and I spend 95% all of my time alone, even things like concerts or movies I go to alone and I'm perfectly happy with that.
It's not like I'm exactly an asocial heartless bitch, I do wish I had a best friend or boyfriend, but just one "partner in crime" would be enough for me. I don't really have an interest in having a big group of friends because it would exhaust me.
Your brother sounds like me, but only he knows how he truly feels. Are you guys close enough to talk about it without being weird? It's possible that he sometimes does feel lonely but is good at hiding it, or maybe he just enjoys solitude.
Does he have any particular hobbies or interests that could get him socializing with others? Something like an art, cooking, or woodworking class could be a good idea if he's open to it. Something that involves working with your hands doesn't necessarily force you to make friends - if you don't want to talk to people, you can just focus on making your art or whatever, but there's always the possibility to talk to others and meet new people.
He’s very interested in video games, quantum mechanics, computers, etc. Very cliche typical nerd things, hence my surprise he doesn’t have fellow nerdy friends (not even online from what I can tell).
We’re not very close due to the large age gap and personality differences, plus I’ve lived in another state since I was 17- but I think I’ll try to approach it in a nonchalant way. I enjoy my time with him even though he can be a bit much. I hate the thought of him suffering in silence and being alienated just because he’s weird and nerdy in uncool ways. But if he IS unhappy, I imagine confiding in a much younger little sister would be far too humiliating.
I’m really happy to hear where you land on this- you do sound very similar to him and how I hope (and suspect) he feels. It’d be nice to have a best friend, but it’s not hurting him.
Periods are weird as fuck-
Mine will be like clockwork for a few years, and then all of a sudden decide to go haywire. Have you changed your diet, schedule? New stressors?
Is there a REASON you think you might be pregnant? UNPROTECTED SEX MAAM?!??
…if not then nah you good.
Honestly? We pulled out a few times this month but used condoms otherwise. He's really good at pulling out like 10 seconds before he cums. Obviously that's not an excuse though.
Ive been eating a lot less because ive started a new anti depressant this month and im rarely hungry anymore. Idk. Ill update when i test it.
Update: I did a cheap pregnancy test from the dollar store and it came up strongly negative. I'll use the 2nd one tomorrow morning because it's most accurate then.
I don't think im pregnant but wtf is up with my period it's never been irregular like this
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idk anon the same happened to me a year ago or so and I'm still a bit upset over it. we do text now and then again but it's like I can feel how bored she is with me so it isn't nice at all. time heals all wounds?
I'm currently doing EMDR and find it is working, there is preliminary evidence that EMDR works for ptsd. I'm currently receiving it on the NHS and they gave me the choice between CBT or EMDR.
I find it interesting that you were offered CPT as it's not even offered on the NHS due to lack of evidence in comparison to CBT or EMDR so I'm a bit confused that the other anon replied saying there isn't any evidence for EMDR.
I've spent most of my working life taking calls from people and not once have I ever been bothered by someone being awkward or not knowing what to say. I wont call you a tard but I will tell you that you are vastly overestimating how much people taking calls give a shit about you, they're probably busy looking at the clock and wanting to go home. And doctors aren't going to think you're a hypochondriac based on one visit and when you are actually sick, wtf kind of sense would that make?
Sorry to be harsh but there's nothing in particular you need to do or say, you just need to get over yourself and not be self conscious over nothing.
You should probably go to a walk-in clinic for antibiotics if you really have all strep, tonsillitis, and an ear infection.>>116444
is spot on. Just ask if any doctors are taking new patients and go from there. Receptionists are used to people being weird
Basic rules for phone: state what you want, who you are, and anything else that's massively important. Doesn't have to be in that order. If they can't help you, thank them politely and hang up.
Don't worry about sounding retarded. Nobody cares, and I really mean that. People who work on phones all day aren't paid enough to give a shit.
>>116486>reasoning with a manipulative individual who would compare her own female children disagreeing with her to an abusive spouse due to an inability to handle conflict
Nope. Won't work.
It's the blame game and anon will never win it.>>116456
Have you ever heard of the gray rock method?
I use this with my own mother who is a narcissist. Not saying yours is a full blown one, but what she's doing is getting an emotional rise out of you because being compared to an abuser when you know you're not being one is very upsetting. It's a form of guilt tripping. She knows exactly what she's doing and she hopes you'll go on the defensive so she can lord past abuse over you to get her way. If she does this frequently, it's because she likes the drama and attention she can milk from you and your brother.>https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/
Slip on a mask of cool, calm, and collectiveness when you feel an argument coming on. Stick to the facts. Try not to let on an emotional reaction no matter what she says to try to draw one from you.
If nothing you say reaches her, then go silent. Better to walk away than give her more ammo to manipulate you with. She asks why? It's because you want to be heard and she's being unreasonable.
Write him a letter. A real letter, on paper. Tell him everything, not just about what happened, but about how you feel about it all, as well, and the effect it's having on your family. Say how much she needs help and also about how much he could help her, what positive changes he could make if he helped her with treatment, use examples; if she could go to college, get a better job, settle down with someone, etc.
Then try and meet for coffee and discuss it further. Just be as honest as you can, really. Good luck, I hope it works out for you and your sister.
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How do I know if I'm suffering from what I'm pretty sure is PTSD? And what should I do to get help besides seeing a therapist (which I'm going to arrange sooner or later because I'm sick of wallowing in my sadness like this).
My best friend died last September of terminal cancer. Throughout his last 3 years of his life, I was there by his side, visiting him at hospitals and his house, bringing him stuff, trying to make him happy. Just generally being supportive. We were really close and told each other our deepest secrets, those of which I'm going to keep for the rest of my life.
Ever since he died, my short-term and working memory has been absolute ass. I did have a bout of memory loss issues when I was on antidepressants and antipsychotics for a few years, but when I went off them, my memory came back. Now ever since my friend has died, my memory has gone to shit again. I remember reading about how one symptom of PTSD is memory issues. I do have ADHD meaning that I get distracted fairly easy (meaning it's easy for me to forget things), and my medication (Vyvanse) did help with that. But the moment he died, the Vyvanse stopped helping with my short-term memory issues. It's REALLY bad now. My emotions are completely blunted, too. I feel like I'm on Abilify (antipsychotic) again, which completely stunted my emotions. I'm constantly dissociated and I know it's a coping mechanism.
I now have some really lovely triggers, too. Hospitals, the sound of breathing devices (whatever they're called, the things that have oxygen tanks that help people breathe), the word "terminal" in any context, specific memes (ones that I sent him and shit). Even more amusingly, I now have an emotional trigger for the song Megalovania from Undertale, because the last thing I sent to him that he replied to was a Megalovania meme. It's taken me a while to get over that one. Sounds stupid as fuck, but this is something I've been struggling with for a long time. My friends are pretty supportive too, seeing as they were all friends with him as well. So we talk about losing him every once in a while and it helps.
My concept of time is fucked, too. I remember having an almost-panic attack over his death and I was telling my boyfriend that I was upset about something that "happened recently" (not wanting to say "I'm upset that my best friend is dead" because I was at work and didn't want to cry), and once he realized what I was upset about, he made me realize that his death wasn't recent, it was over half a year ago. Like, what the fuck?
I keep having trauma dreams that bum me out so much to the point that I'm sometimes scared to sleep. My brain is now doing this weird thing where to cope, it's now placed this false sense of who my friend was in my mind. What I mean is, my brain now thinks of him as a fictional person, I guess so it hurts less. My brain is trying to purge any notion that this was my best friend. Instead, it's trying to think of him as a character that died in a TV show I like or something. It's fucking awful. I don't want my brain to do this. And when I stumble across his old social media by accident, it hurts so much more than it should because suddenly my brain is faced with the reality that he was a real person and not just a character.
I do visit his mom every once in a while. She's really nice and I even helped her with finding a new job that doesn't aggravate her trauma. I plan on visiting her sometime soon just to say hello. She's the same as me, we both don't want to wallow in this and be miserable about losing a loved one. We both want to move on. We had a really long talk about this when I visited her on his birthday. Was really nice.
TL;DR best friend died last year, I think I have PTSD. How do I know that I have PTSD? What steps should I take (besides therapy, since I'm arranging that soon) to help myself heal? How can I help "repair" my memory issues that happened as a result of trauma? Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent somewhere.
I moved to a new city and found a good place with a room where the previous tenant was willing to let me keep his furniture for a good price. It's kinda ugly but I really needed a place to live and decided I could deal with it. The room is liveable but honestly it's super cramped and weirdly shaped, and the way the furniture was placed when I moved in is pretty much the only place to put them. It also gets really shitty light and isn't very comfy or nice to be in, which sucks because I spend pretty much all of my time inside my room.
I found out one of my roommates is going to move out at the end of the summer. I was hoping to move into her room since it's bigger, gets better light, and just overall is a more pleasant room in every way. Today I asked her about it, obviously she didn't care but she wants to sell her furniture to the next tenant, and it's pretty pricey. I understand because it is nice almost new furniture and furnishing the room again would cost about the same (if not more), but I feel like I shouldn't be wasting money to move into this room when technically my current room is fine. But at the same time I really want that room, and I spend so much time in my room, so it's important to me to have a nice room. I do have the money, it's not like I'd have to starve to pay her for the furniture, and I could recoup maybe 1/4 of the cost by selling the furniture in my old room, but I don't know. I have a lot of anxiety surrounding money so I'm hesitant to do this but I also grow to hate my current room more and more each day. Should I suck it up or just go for it anons?
What about speech issues
I tried weed but it ended up giving me mild psychosis. Then again I've only smoked THC strains and I don't think that helped. Do you recommend strains with higher CBD for PTSD symptoms?
I also have the funds to see a therapist, so money isn't an issue here. I'm honestly just not sure where to start. I've seen therapists before but I had a huge issue with opening up and unfortunately was let go multiple times because of that, and that was before my friend died. The only time I ever was able to open up to someone was a professor I'm very close with, and he's helped me a lot. I really want to talk to him again (I see him pretty much every weekday as I work with him), but I'm always worried that he finds me annoying (even though he's told me he likes helping me and wants to help me, even). Anxiety is a bitch. >>117359
I tapered off of Lexapro once but that was because I moved to another SSRI. But, as someone who stopped taking Sertraline cold turkey after being on SSRIs consistently for 2+ years, the withdrawal symptoms are unfortunately something you will have to deal with, even if you taper off. I've been off SSRIs for over a year now and all the withdrawal symptoms are gone now. Keep at it, anon, you can get through it. You're doing a much better job than I did, seeing that I quit cold turkey. I'm proud of you for not doing what I did.
I had really awful withdrawal that left me bedridden for a while. I hallucinated like crazy and had awful dizziness. My life improved significantly after quitting SSRIs, including my memory coming back (which is now bad again due to the PTSD I mentioned in my post I made earlier).
Also re: dizziness, do you have anemia? I have anemia that's caused by my period. That might be related, look into it. My dizziness went away when I was taking birth control pills.
nta but where do you live that they don‘t
just keep it cool and let the friendship develop organically. if your feelings are actually romantic, I'd honestly advise choosing the IRL guy over the LDR if it comes down to it.
irl > ldr, no contest
I feel like my body/mind are exaggerating a lot but I’m confused so idk where to turn
My bf and I have had quite a rough patch in fall last year. We temporarily had to live together in a really tiny space, were around each other 24/7 and on top of that I was dealing with a really bad episode of depression. My libido was basically non existent. My bf has a really intense sex drive so he was constantly trying to initiate sex. I felt bad about not meeting his needs, was frustrated because I missed my libido myself and got really defensive because of it. I started to feel pressured and got upset that we just couldn’t spend time together or cuddle without him making it sexual. Granted, I didn’t tell him it made me feel pressured and bad for quite a while.
We fought a lot during that time and it all was very, very exhausting.
We fixed all of those issues though, get along perfectly fine again and our sex life is back to where it was.
Now I’m in this random Facebook group with a bunch of people. This one guy is kind of going through something with his girlfriend and he’s very vocal about how they’re not having sex, how frustrated he is, how jealous he is of others guys that are getting nudes and action from their gfs etc.
And even though I don’t even know this guy it stresses me the fuck out.
Like, even from just those comments I start feeling pressured and anxious. It feels exactly like my boyfriend made me feel back last year.
Now I don’t want to throw around words like that this easily but somehow I feel a bit like maybe this time back last year traumatized me a little without realizing? Like, I never felt it was that bad back then but I get a really intense physical and mental response for how benign this Facebook stuff is, considering that I know neither this guy nor his girlfriend?
It’s also the first time anything has triggered this kind of response in me.
I don’t know, I’m just confused. Should I try to work this out or just ignore it? I might just be pms-ing and I genuinely can’t tell if I’m severely overreacting or if this is a legitimate reaction?
right now my life is mainly school, seeing my 8 month old nephew a lot, and i'm about to move at the end of this month. that's pretty much all my life is about right now.
yesterday, my mom called me after a while of not talking. she kinda gets distant every once in a while. i've never felt like she was my mother, but rather another sister. she asked me 3 things: if i was in school, if i have seen my nephew lately, and if i've moved yet. it really hurt bc like those are the main things in my life and you straight up don't know what's going on with me. after i got off the phone w her i cried a little.
today she texted me asking if i need help moving. i don't, i have my brother in law and my dad, then we're meeting my sister and nephew for lunch. i feel like it would be nice to invite her but she can be annoying and slow which would make stuff more difficult than it needs to be. she's so innocent and pure, just a little stupid and i don't feel like dealing w that. plus i'm still hurt how she sees her own family 12 hours away more than me. i probably won't see her for a while if it's not on my moving day, bc frankly i just don't want to. i know i'm so lucky to still have a mother, and one who loves me at that, but i just feel removed from her. i don't want to hurt her feelings though. maybe i'm an asshole, if so let me know. i just feel like she, along with anyone, could die any day and i want to make the most of our lives together. it's just hard right now
I'm not sure about your carrier but you can block the number at a service level. For ATT you download this app https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.att.callprotect
and just add the number. I had an international stalker just like this, he very may well still be messaging me but he's just talking to a brick wall now.
It is unfortunate though I basically had to leave all social media and completely wipe my online identity because one time I was nice to an incel and he thanked me by becoming my creepy stalker.
Lesson learned I guess.
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Straight woman here who’s probably settling down with her bf in a few years. I’ve always thought I might be into women since I was a kid since a female friend kissed me, I wanted to kiss other girls sometimes as a kid, and when I saw porn it was strictly lesbian. I became asexual in my teenage years with antidepressants, never dated anyone and then later got off of them, met my boyfriend in college who i’m currently with. I have no issues with being attracted to men, but I’m really weirded out now because I think fakeboi looking girls (not self-identifying trans men) are really cute. I can’t say that I’d enjoy having sex with one because most of my sexual fantasies involving women were with femme women.
It came to me when I was watching Age of Youth 2, a korean drama (yeah…), that I found a GNC female (who’s straight) to be really cute and developed kind of a crush on her. I guess I thought for a while that if I was going to go for a woman, it’d be the femme type but then again, I’m dating a man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m also not up for threesomes, breaking up to explore my sexuality, or whatever.
Is there a way to tell if I’m actually into women or am I just into these girls because they look like effeminate men?
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how to put less thought into what others think of me, farmers?
i know for a fact that i'm nice and well adjusted enough, kinda pretty, have a good future and work hard! but i get subjected to a lot of girl on girl hate and my confidence is weak enough to let it bother me. people
tell me i'm an idiot for letting it get to me and that they're "just jealous" but… are they really?
how are some of you so strong in the face of shittalk? can you beat some sense into me?
remember people are way too concerned with their own image to be too concerned with yours.
there's no better revenge than living well and ignoring opinions.
also the older you get the less you care because people die and you realize your own mortality and people who give you shit about the little things are the ones who are gonna suffer in the long run. be obnoxiously yourself, people respect that.
"it ain't that I'm too big to listen to the rumors, it's just that I'm too damn big to pay attention to 'em"
are you fucking 12? this is piss poor advice. how the hell can you claim you don't give a fuck if you're basing it around how much you care it bothers others?
other people definitely do
care about you, especially
if they are concerned with their image. people like that care more about others because they need to belittle them to feel better.
caring that someone is going to "suffer in the long run" or not, is also a huge sign of an insecure twat in denial about how much they care. you are literally what >>118922
mentioned about constantly talking about "haters".
In my experience, you can live with a lack of self-awareness that makes you ignorant to what others think or you just get hit with enough shit to make you numb. With the former, that's something I only experienced growing up and it's a state of mind that I grew out of during my adolescence, for better or worse, and the latter is like a state of temporary resignment that isn't totally healthy. So, I guess my advice regarding your situation is to just accept things for what they are, accept and acknowledge that it does effect you, but to carry on and focus on yourself and your goals to the best of your abilities. If you find yourself lingering on something excessively then recognize that and push yourself to focus on something else.
Sage cause rambling.
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My eyebrows are so uneven, they are awful. I've been growing them out as much as I can for a while now, and I'm due to get them shaped. Question is which shape is more natural for me?? I have no idea why my left eyebrow is shorter and thicker…its always been this was, so I figure it's better to match the right to it? Any eyebrow wise anons here to help?
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How can you be interesting to people without turning yourself into a clown?
It's unfair, I try to be funny and nice and people instantly think I'm some sort of tool for their entertainment. I can't stand when people say things like:
>we are bored, so say something funny/interesting
>you said something quirky the other day, do it again
>you are the one who always breaks the ice
>what about you start a debate around a topic? you know a lot of things, whatever is fine (butwewillbedisappointedifwedonthavefun)!
It's like I'm a machine or a TV. I want to be interesting to people, I don't like to be boring or dull, but is frustrating when people assume you're 24/7 thinking about deep topics or something.
keep the clownery to one on one conversations & add in funny quips every so often if you do find yourself bored in a group
if you tend to be performance-y or dramatic then cut down on that
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I need advice but my problem is so stupid that I'm almost too embarrassed to ask. Basically I've always gotten by on online work but my circumstances have changed and I need a real job quick, most likely a shit-tier retail job where I have to work a cash register. The problem is I have a lot of anxiety surrounding math of any kind because my math skills are horrible, we're talking certified retard levels. I'm scared of giving someone wrong change and getting yelled at, cuz I will definitely cry. Is there any way of telling an employer I'll do anything except handle cash? Please help me anons
Most cash registers will do all the calculations for you and you just need to count out denominations, it's not really maths. And I'm not sure about where you live, but where I am 99% of people use their card to buy things so it might not be as important as you think.
Anyway don't get stressed before you even try it, even if you find it difficult at first maybe it's time to improve your skills.
This is really stupid but I'm bothered enough to ask for advice.
My MiL has a lot of out-there ideas about things, and some are true or turn out to be true, and others I know are outright wrong but don't feel comfortable correcting. She's also quite controlling. I'm staying at the family home with my fiance and she has been insisting on controlling how much hot peppers/chilis I put into my food, and no one else is eating my food except my bf. Yesterday it even expanded into telling me I couldn't put in too much cumin, which is not the same type of spice. She insists it will make us ill and we are using too much, and then she will take the blame. So we get threatened with being thrown out of the kitchen if I "overspice" his and/or my food. Today's "fact" is that people from countries who eat spicy food only do it in the cold for health, and I know that is also not true, because I enjoy very spicy foods from countries with hot climates.
I'm from Southern CA and used to eating plenty of spicy food, several times a week, because that is what I enjoy and it's easy to find, so I'm frustrated by this. I'm spicing things less than my actual usual intake, and my usual intake does not make me seriously ill or cause any health problems, other than some relatively minor stomach burning or soft poops depending on how hot it was. She is over twice my age and white British, so I don't know if this is a cultural misunderstanding. I also have a significantly higher tolerance for and enjoyment of spicy food.
Does anyone have any good research that would prove I'm not overspicing my food or that since I'm acclimated it isn't going to hurt me? I know that by Scoville ratings and scaling I'm not doing anything nearly as bad as what people have done to actually get sick and end up in the hospital; I'm not eating whole ghost peppers, I'm wanting to eat food maybe as hot as a good spicy restaurant vindaloo or jalfrezi, which she knows I like/eat, and which is obviously very common to eat and readily available in the UK, so it's not as if I'm some kind of nut to eat this.
I just don't want to be a fully grown adult sneaking around in the kitchen to take out and add in more peppers or hot sauce to my own food/cooking, most of which I/we actually brought or bought, because someone is convinced this thing I do all the time will magically make me fall ill. I know someone may say "her house, her rules," but this just seems excessive and misguided compared to most house rules, and I'm frustrated. I know my own limits, and ours aren't the same. I don't even feel like I can argue with her tbh, if I show her research and proof that I'm fine eating this and it won't send me to the doctor or make me vomiting or bedridden, she may say she's right or not to argue. Still worth a shot because she has changed her mind on things if shown she was mistaken, she is just a stubborn lady, for better and for worse.
She's convinced my boyfriend is irresponsible in general and "overspices" foods, and probably thinks he "eggs me on" or I also am not to be trusted because I'm a young and naive young woman (I'm in my mid-20s!!) It's driving me nuts. This is borderline venting tbh. It may just turn out I'll have to concede until I leave because this is her house and I can't do much if she won't listen to me. I want to get along, but I'm not loving being a doormat over dumb things!
Big brain time.
Buy two powdered pepper bottles, a soft one and a really hot one, put the hot powder into the bottle that says it's baby first spice. Enjoy.
Only answer that comes to mind honestly seeing how controlling she is. Good luck anon!
The real question is: What do you want to do?
If you want to cut ties with her, just make excuses all the time in order to not hang out with her. If she is so sensitive, she'll get the message.
If you want to change her so she's less toxic
or oversensitive, forget about it. You can't change someone, they need to change by themselves. She doesn't think she's clingy or annoying, she believes everyone is at fault except for her. Unless she realizes she has childish behaviours, she won't change.
If you are worried about how your future cohabitation will play out if you reject her, I suggest you change flatmates. Living with someone like her is draining, as you said, and I don't think anybody should be stressed out by other people, it's not good for your mental health.
obviously ana-chan hoop jumping. why fuck around when you could eat more, feel better, and move on with your life? i'm not trying to invalidate the difficulty and fear around recovery, but when i made the leap to just fucking gain some weight, i became a hell of a lot more mentally resilient. now i'm a normal girl who got her shit back together, went to university, made friends, can make plans that don't revolve around food or a lack of it, etc.
therapists like to tie EDs up with trauma and insist that therapy is the way towards recovery when actually a lot of the hellish aspects of anorexia (even the ones that seem mental) are physiological. and therapy just doesn't seem to stick to a starved brain tbh.
start eating at least 2000 cals a day consistently for three months without restricting even if it gets scary. even if you end up binging one day - wake up the next and eat 2000 cals. no excuses or exercise - you can always restrict afterwards if you don't feel better.
i literally came back to my senses within about two weeks to a month. it was mad. i had been on death's door - bmi 13 - and i didn't think i would ever live a normal life. it was the best thing that ever happened to me and all it took was eating a regular amount of food.
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I'm moving in with my boyfriend in a few weeks, and I'm anxious! How did you guys feel moving out for the first time, and how did you feel moving in with your partner? Is there anything you'd tell someone in my position? I just feel like there's going to be things I won't be prepared for…like, this feels too easy, what am I not ready for lmfao
thank you so much for your reply, anon! i really appreciate it. you are spot on about her believing she's never at fault, i would never in a million years try to change her though.
my living situation is amazing, she's the only negative aspect of it kek. i won't live here for more than two years though.
i think i'll just make excuses until she gets the hint. i can't handle her weirdo behavior anymore.
again, thank you anon!
no problem. do what's best for you. i used to be a retail manager and i handled all the employee schedules and i'd literally have people call 5 mins before their shift to say they quit or leave on their lunch break and never come back. if they're not total scumbags they will even be happy with a day's notice.
i've always held the opinion that they wouldn't give you notice if they were going to fire you, so they don't necessarily deserve notice if you're firing them.
Maybe don't give him a BJ this early if you're so stressed about it. Don't overthink it, not giving your BF BJ isn't going to doom your relationship. You don't have to if you don't want to/hurts you because of a condition and he shouldn't force you.
As always with sex, take your time, communicate and don't do things you don't want to. Do you want to or do you feel obligated? If you mess up, who cares, everyone was born bad at sex.
I do all of those things. I cook constantly, I have to cook all of the time because he eats everything in one sitting instead of leaving leftovers. It's hard for me, I'll admit it. It is partially my fault, I like to have a little something unhealthy everyday so I don't binge eat so I keep it in the house. Problem is he just goes and eats it all in front of me and I end up eating it with him more often than I would normally. The other problem is that I pay for the food and he eats the majority of it so sometimes I get cheaper shit that isn't as healthy because I can't afford the healthy foods I want anymore. It's my fault as much as his.>>119851
I used to be bulimic for a very long time, more than 15 years straight. I have a hard time controlling myself, you are right. I read it's very common for women to gain weight in relationships because you accidentally eat more because your partner eats more than you but I know it's my fault. I feel like a weak piece of shit. It's hard to stay on track when you live with someone who eats nonstop, I'm sorry. I was just trying to warn anon that weight gain is often a common side effect. Going to go die now for being fat.
How do I love myself ?
I had never really thought I had low esteem before, I just didn't think about it that much, but I often see posts on lolcow to which I can relate to a lot that get the answer " love yourself anon". That got me thinking and I do think I have self esteem issues, but if you had asked me earlier I'd have said that no, I don't, the problem isn't my self esteem, it's just that I'm a piece of shit of a human being and that's what I have to work on.anyway, I always feel really out of place, like I don't belong here and everyone can see it just in the way I look. I don't think I'm ugly even though I'm definitely not pretty, but I feel like everyone can see that I'm super weird, like it shows directly on my face. Because of this I'm extremely nervous when anyone talks to me so I'm always super awkward
So how do I make it stop ?
Get educated if you can. If you have any passion for anything that you can work in, work towards that.
Maybe an agency can help you get clerical work as a temp somewhere for your CV. I did that when I got unmotivated first time at uni and got a permanent position at the same company after my temp contract ended. I enjoyed working there for around 4 years and made some good friends.
Make choices that help you rather than harm you. Make choices for yourself that you would make for someone you cared about. Often you'll find the way you would treat the loved one is better than you would treat yourself. That disparity creates the "love yourself" idea.
This can be as simple as food, drink, how you treat your hair and skin, sleeping patterns and who you let interact with you and in what manner. It takes a long time to slowly adjust your life to be one that is kind to yourself.
It also might mean changing careers, appearance, friend groups, relationships. Basically it means something different to everyone depending on which aspects of yourself you are neglecting.
I think you should get a skincare routine first, and maybe look into birth control if your acne is hormonal. Then you can start getting into makeup and have your eyebrows done. That way, you will have something that gives you confidence and will further motivate you to lose weight.
I wouldn't start with the clothes. If you buy cute clothes now, they won't fit you when you lose weight, but you will still be able to use the same skincare and makeup products.
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Which apps are the most suited for finding a long-term boyfriend?
I am on bumble and I find swiping dehumanizing to men and I don't like not being able to go back/consider the men a second time more carefully. It seems like impulsive decision making.
I just got hinge but it seems like a slowed down bumble. And there isn't enough information on the profiles to tell if we are mentally compatible.
Okcupid looks kind of dead in my city. But I might go to that out of desperation.
Is CMB a good option? My friend uses POF but I thought that was for middle aged people haha.
Can anyone provide advice on how to not get overwhelmed? I live in Seattle and everyone I've talked to about online dating says it's really hard here. I'm a bit shy and odd and I am worried about my prospects if all of the outgoing, attractive people I know are struggling.
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I'm learning to drive at 25 and I'm so overwhelmed. I don't have a good feel for the size of my vehicle, I feel like I'm going to accidentally drive in the wrong direction because signs confuse me, and the whole multitasking aspect of it gives me so much anxiety. How does everyone juggle looking at the road, paying attention to the signs, checking your mirrors, looking back, and calculating your route on top of all that? Don't even get me started on interacting with other drivers. I missed my chance at 16 because of life circumstances and I feel like I missed the learning curve. Is it over for me?
Keep at it anon! I got my license at 22 because I was lazy in high school and kept failing the entry level test. It may be overwhelming especially with adult responsibilities but it’s well worth it because you can drive yourself anywhere and everywhere once you get it. My tip is to go to a drivers school if you’re not in one already. If you are, listen to what the instructor has to say and try to apply all the good driver habits on the road (aim high steering, which is paying attention way ahead of you on the road; scanning constantly to look out for any dangers, assessing situations, learning right of ways etc.)
It’s also essential you keep driving despite any wobbly hands and fears. The anxiety subsides once you keep driving and make it a habit. It is a bit like learning how to ride a bike— it becomes second nature when you’ve driven for a while.
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Blehhh thank you anon! I feel discouraged but messages like yours help me to put things in perspective.
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I really want to grow my emotional maturity and accept that some people would be negative towards me no matter how hard I try to be friendly and polite toeards them, and that some people may just hate me for no reason. It also tends to be really hard for me to react towards a person being passive aggressive towards me on purpose, because in the end I start protecting myself and responding to them with the same p-aggro back. I just want to learn to not overreact to people being assholes when I never did anything wrong to them. I am never being angry towards people, in fact, I am always patient towards people who do not like me. But thing is, if the same said people keep acting like jerks towards me for half of a year or year max i give up and start passionately hating them which is not healthy. ( and yes, I always reach out and try to figure out whats up w/ a person who hates me in private, and try to come to solution that will please both of us. But some people just shrug it off and try turning others against me while pretending to be uwuowo towards their WKs but me)18 y/o btw.
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Anons, how do I stop hating my body and get confident? Am a normal weight, a little stumpy because I'm short, I do some cardio - I shouldn't be like this. I feel like I'm wasting my prime years by being so shit to myself and that makes me panic even more. Please help.
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NTA but I totally feel you, I put off getting my license for a while mostly due to anxiety about traffic and other drivers. Driving anxiety really sucks but the only way to conquer it is to just bite the bullet and go for it and keep driving as much as possible. Once you get more and more experience it all gets much easier, the hard part is forcing yourself to actually do it.
This might not be relatable but a lot of my anxiety around driving centered around my fear of other drivers. I constantly worried about what other people were thinking of my driving and if I was being an idiot or not. One of my relatives who often drove me around growing up is a nasty person in general and has EXTREME road rage. I realized that when I was driving, I wasn't exactly worrying about the other drivers but moreso picturing my relative swearing and screaming and driving aggressively… yeah, there are asshole drivers like her, but the point I'm making is that most people are just normal people trying to get home or whatever and very rarely is anybody gonna try to put you in actual danger. It comforted me to think of other drivers as normal people like me just trying to get by and not deranged narcissists. Point in case: I accidentally rear-ended a lady and I was on the verge of tears pulling over because I thought for sure she was gonna tear me a new one for hitting her newer car with my shitty 90s clunker. Nope, super friendly woman who laughed it off and even said it wasn't my fault (even though it was).
Sorry for the blogpost but I hope you can conquer your fear and start driving soon, for me it turned from something to dread into something pleasant and relaxing, and now that I sold my car and moved to a city I kinda really miss cruising around in my shitbox of a car. It's so freeing to be able to go anywhere you want whenever you feel like it. It'll get hard and scary sometimes but don't give up!
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Might be expensive but how about those wax strips? I also have dark body hair and they work pretty well. Mine is very thin though.
Cons are cost and that you'd have to let the hair grow back to a certain length to wax again. But it lasts 3 to 4 weeks and you could do it in your room.
You can wax at home, might be a little tricky and takes time to learn how to properly wax. I got a tin can of wax (the most delicate one), a cheap wax heater with wax paper and started doing my own wax.
Apply in the direction of the hair growth with a spatula and strap strongly in the opposite direction. You can take it away with any kind of oil, shower and be sure to disinfect properly. Wear loose clothing for the next day and you're done.
It hurts like hell at first, eventually you get used to it with the benefit of less and less hair growth.
I would NOT recommend it if you have delicate skin, though, and of course it would be better to get a professional doing it for you, but it costs money.
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Anons how do you truly know when you're bi? I've been questioning with an inkling that I was since I was 14 but never took it seriously until I saw another anon say that a lot of wlw is heavily eroticized and through the male gaze and that can really put women off the idea of loving other women in a 'real' sort of way, like they would a man.
I've been with a decent number of men but I never really think of men when I'm getting off. Either I think about a very particular man that I have romantic interest in or exclusively look at women to get off. Not to sound like a scrote but I love to watch boobs bounce and women touching themselves. The idea of scissoring a girl, as stereotypical as it is, seems amazing to me I always say online that fully 'straight' women could enjoy lesbian porn but now I'm starting to think that that's more of a deflection rather than the truth. I like the idea of kissing a woman, and I've begun to develop more and more female crushes. When I was younger I would jokingly talk about how hot I thought a girl was and I have a tendency to ogle at cleavage. It feels so gross and misogynistic but I really like the female form, but I've rationalized it to myself as wanting to be the girl rather than true attraction.
I feel like I can't truly label myself as being bisexual because I've never had a real experience with a woman. I did have a f/f/m threesome but it was for the wrong reasons. I enjoyed kissing the other girl but wasn't fully attracted to her. I like the idea of dating another girl and forming a relationship with her but I've seen so many posts of other women who get angry/defensive over bi women because they don't want to be used as an experience instead of building an actual romantic connection. I really like romantic connections though, and I would really like to get to know a girl deeply. I really don't know what to do anons.
Well, yes and no.
It definitely grows back more slowly and since it’ll needs to grow back from the root, the stubble will be finer than when you shave it. (Because hairs are pointy so when they grow back with their pointy ends first, those will be finer than when the hair is cut off at the thicker base, obviously.)
When you regularly remove hair by its root some will stop growing back. I used to epilate my legs for 5 years and my leg hair is extremely patchy now. I also noticed that my pubic hair became a bit patchier after waxing for a few months. Not to an extent that really makes a difference though.
>>120113>I don't think I could do abortion but I could do undergoing a pregnancy under the beck and calls of my bf's parents who will probably think the worst of me, while having neither income nor insurance
And I'm not even talking about what happens after the baby would get here. You're only 21 and that's way too young to be saddling yourself with those issues. It's sad.
Get a pregnancy test and then highly consider abortion. If you can swallow a pill and have a period, you can have a pill abortion.
I think mostly it depends if you're looking at the other girl (either porn or fantasies) as projection of yourself or because you'd like to make out with her. If you're feeling comfortable with one night stands, you could try to enjoy an experience with a girl who's okay with it. They exist.
Anyway, I wouldn't complicate stuff that much, keep yourself open to the possibilities but don't try to force yourself into a view, it may lead to wrong expectations.
Make a schedule for posting. Aim for once a week then up it to two times when you start feeling more comfortable. If you know you're gonna "have" to post something, then you'll start actively looking for inspiration.
Making a color-coordinated, visually-appealing IG is harder than it looks, so think about the aesthetic you're looking to present and work backwards from there. Make a literal chart denoting the color palette for each post and make sure the content remains varied (you risk boring people if you post 5 pictures in a row of your breakfast).
Peruse the popular page to get a feel for trends and start thinking about how you can breathe new life into them. Look through trending hashtags and use ones that relate to your content, eg. #Julyartchallenge (fake tag). Try to get creative with it, like posting an old piece you're proud of and captioning it "July 2017 is still acceptable, right? #Julyartchallenge #tbt (managed to sneak another hashtag on there). Just don't overdo it by adding a million random ones because that reeks of desperation. Good luck anon.
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>>120187>Has anybody had a similar experience
Many, considering the endless pickmes, handmaids, cool girls and not-like-the-other-girls there are out there.
Hang around the pink pill thread (maybe repost your question there), /r/gendercritical, any radfem resource is good and you can search the above mentioned terms to find relevant discussion. Absolutely stop visiting male dominated sites. Competing with other women actively benefits men, so they encourage it every chance they get.
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Hi, yes. This phenomenon is what is often referred to - sometimes cruelly, but certainly accurately - as being a "pick me bitch", "Cool Girl" or "Not Like Other Girls" or an abbreviation of these terms.It is a natural and incredibly common response to growing up and attempting to assert your personhood as a woman in a society where femininity is routinely and incessantly degraded.
It is especially intensified and concentrated in spaces which are even more male-coded and male-dominated than the real world, such as: the Internet.
I do genuinely believe that every single woman posting here has gone or is going through her own NLOG stage. Some of us are older, have grown out of it or are trying to critically assess the societal narrative that has been pushed to and about women, and some are still in their first stage of moral development and are yet to tackle their Cool Girl-itis. You'll tend to find more of the former group in the pinkpill thread, and the latter around /g/.
If you want to do some reading around the concept I'd recommend starting with the "Cool Girl" speech from Gone Girl and its analyses, and the book Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay. Keep being critical of your biases and prejudices towards women, or "types" of women, and always keep asking yourself - who does this assumption serve? Does it really make you feel better about yourself, whilst simultaneously requiring you to shit on other women? Is holding these opinions about the group to which you belong making you feel more a part of it, or is it pitting you against other women and actually distancing you from them? Who's really benefiting from that?
Remember: we all want to be recognised as full humans and not a one-dimensional caricature of the despised feminine, but you can't deny that stereotype's existence AND simultaneously position yourself in contrast to it. You must refute its existence entirely - or you'll just end up getting lumped in with it anyway.
It being just as special or basically not special each time sounds both sad and comforting lol.. >>120190
I hope so, thanks.
not pregnant, but I got knocked up via that exact scenario, so yes, take a pregnancy test.
Bio-sperg, for dumbshits like me that thought there was noooooooo way such a thing could happen so Plan B was toooootally unnecessary:
When a dude orgasms, some trace amounts of sperm remain in his urethra, which can later get mixed in with pre-cum. That's how you get impregnanted by a guy that pulled out just fine.
As for the timing, ovulation usually occurs ~2 weeks into your cycle, but sometimes you body is like, 'lol fuck you' and drops the ovum way early or way late. A couple of days before your period is totally plausible.
And as for the period, implantation bleeding is normal but seems like a short, light period. However, I had a period that was barely lighter than my normal moderate/heavy periods, and then a month later I had another, though noticeably lighter, period. I've had implantation bleeding before, and it was nothing like that. Biologically speaking, it shouldn't happen, but sometimes bodies are stupid.
I'm not the anon you're replying to but you really hit the nail on the head there. That post in your image explains it really well too, I'll be saving that and looking at it every so often.
Being "not like other girls" and therefore stereotyping other girls is the first step to realizing the larger societal issue that behaviour points to.
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I met some weird guy on Reddit who gets upset when I ask him basic questions about himself even though he added me on discord so that we could play a certain video game together. He also told me he keeps his gaming, social, work, and love life separate even though all or most of those bleed into each other, don't they? What the fuck does that even mean lmao. What's wrong with this dude? I was hoping we could become friends and play vidya but I guess not since he wants to act autistic. Should I block his ass? What is this sort of behavior?
there really isnt anything wrong with not revealing yourself to a stranger online that you hardly know. good on him for not being so upfront. its not autistic to not powerlevel yourself all over the internet.
social media has really changed the way we use the internet over the last decade and its really all for the worse.
the real advice i can give you anon is learn to fuckin chill a little. you getting jumped up about someone not using something the way you
believe it to be used. find someone else more responsive to conversation and respect the fact home boy doesnt want to hang out with you.
I got 2 separate issues;
1. My two best friends for the past 13 years, are now emotionally absent. I moved country 3 years ago and visit when I can , but nothing of emotional depth or uncomfortable is ever discussed, which is what was so valuable about the relationship in the first place. There are some clear issues with the dynamic, one got a gf and now acts like we don't exist unless it's convenient to him, yet when I try bring it up its shut down by both. The other is obviously overwhelmed with work and doesn't live much a life, just binging TV shows and food, constantly exhausted and complaining about how he's getting fat, but he'll go defensive then silent if I bring it up.
I went on a rant the other day about it to them when something relevant triggered it, but all I got was "that's a weird reaction. Anyway…".
Do I cut the cord? I'm now living with my bf in another country, no social network, socially stunted and picky, so I'll be alone a long time if I do.
2.bf. So for one, I'm concerned he has no empathy. He's very nice, but it's like he needs to be convinced to be remorseful if he hurts me in some way. He'll say sorry immediately, but it's more like he's sorry that I'm upset, which then sucks for him, not because he's upset I'm upset. If I try get him to actually understand where he went wrong (like not respecting what's important to me) it is SO HARD to get it through to him. Like how do you get through to someone that you should care about what your partner thinks?
Secondly with the bf, he'll often double down on what I'm disagreeing with, and turn into this absolute viper.
Like I'll convince him that lying to save himself discomfort is a selfish thing to do, doing something while aware it'd hurt your gf without considering that is a selfish thing to do, he's free to do it but has to deal with knowing it hurts me. then when brought up again he turned it around and called me selfish and warped for thinking that my view matters more because I'm more emotional (read:upset and betrayed) that it's more valid
. Like no. It's called caring about what your gf thinks,and being upset when your bf doesn't think to take it into consideration. So the. It aaall repeats again when basically all I'm asking him for is to give a shit about how I feel.
Finally, I believe he thinks that the relationship is doomed to fail. If I bring a problem he's like "well break up then" instead of working to fix it. Before me, he's been alone all his life. Never sustained a close friendship, so i think he's developed this pattern of putting himself and what he wants first, always.
I've demanded he get therapy and he agrees, but since every argument takes about 5 hours before he's like "ok ill take into account how you feel", I think I'm failing to put things in a succinct way for him to understand.
It'd be easier to give up but I feel a close connection and a healthier dynamic than any other partner. Not to mention I'm currently dependent and in a foreign country, splitting up would really mean starting life over. I don't think he's a psycho, but i do think his mental processing is completely fucked up, and these attacks are some defense mechanism.
I had a similar problem with my bf where I felt he had too low empathy but you might need to provide more specific examples of what he does that hurts you. If there are many examples of him being horrible to you then it's different, but otherwise..
This won't be easy to hear but there are two sides to every story. Sometimes if he feels that you overreact to things, his feelings might be as valid
My bf keeps his emotions in check and it's very hard to 'hurt' him. I once saw his brother say some terrible things, designed to wound, to him in an argument and he just smirked and shook his head. Me, on the other hand, I get emotional, I cry, if I feel he's being inconsiderate I feel pain. And I didn't understand why when I wanted him to care that he hurt me he just went cold. It wasn't until my boyfriend got to the end of his tether and exploded that I understood his perspective. To him it seemed like most of the time he was just being himself and trying to be together and I was turning mountains into molehills. I screamed at him 'Why don't you care that you hurt me?'
He shouted back with genuine bafflement 'Everything hurts you'
To him, my frequent accusations that he didn't care, that he was cold and cruel - that was painful to him. His tolerance for what is upsetting is so different to mine. My world of swirling emotions is alien to him.
That doesn't mean he's incapable of empathy, but to him constantly having to empathise with my higher emotional sensitivity is EXHAUSTING and unfair.
Of course stuff like lying to you is objectively bad and he needs to understand that. Which brings me to how he becomes a 'viper'. I can totally relate. My bf, if he feels he is being attacked or I'm being a bitch, it's like he turns his feelings for me off and becomes this cold, sometimes vicious person, all full of arrogant contempt.
You need to talk together when neither of you are angry or upset and discuss how you resolve conflicts. He needs to recognise that when he gets in that viper mood he should not say anything hurtful to you. You probably need to change something in how you address conflict as well. When discussing this with him, try hard to be fair to eachother. Say something understanding or positive before something critical. Don't demand total adherence to your standards, ask him to consider changing something as a favour to you.
I live with my gf, and i love her to bits, but oh my GOD she is untidy. We have lived together for almost a year now, and its starting to get on my nerves. At first it was just leaving clothes in the bathroom, leaving dishes in the sink etc. But now she straight up just drops banana peels, apple cores, juice cartons on the floor and bed and doesnt tidy it up. Ive talked to her about it a bit and she somehow always twists it to make it seem like im being dramatic and unessecarily rude to her. The thing is, when she lived alone she was slightly messy but not as bad as this. She claims her depression is the reason shes messy which i can understand but i think shes putting in no effort to be tidy. Her herself is tidy, as in she always wears clean clothes,washes daily, brushes teeth etc. Her habits are just filthy though. I dint wanna move apart or break up or anything because this is literally the only thing pissing me off about living w her… idk what to do?
No offense intended since you seem "happy" with this situation, but your cold as ice boyfriend who thinks you have "too many feelings" and it's exhuasting to be with you? Maybe try finding a guy with some empathy or emotions, or at least an attempt to pretend he has some?
Surely it's just as exhausting for you
talking to a brick wall who hurts you, than it is for him to have a human being with emotions in his vicinity
Is there a point in taking anti-depressants if I am not bedridden. I have dysthymia, meaning in short that I prefer death but I still get up and get shit done. I took lexapro and it did nothing but make me feel apathetic. My doctor was saying meds are usually for those who are barely functioning. Is that true? I'm tired of feeling like every good thing is a bad thing. I'm tired of constantly feeling unsure and insecure. I don't know if medication could ever fix those things.
(edit: I know medication is not a miracle pill. I realize I eventually should seek therapy, when I can afford it)
The whole point was that if there's a core problem like that in a relationship and all you can see is how bad it is for you and how the other person needs to change, that's not empathy. That's like, the opposite of what empathy is. Every real solution has to start with the recognition from both parties that the other person's perspective has merit.>>120489
His lower sensitivity to negative emotions doesn't mean he's a cold unloving robot, his relentless positive energy amazes me and warms me in bad times and despite having to work through problems relating to eachother I'd never ever trade him for anyone else.
So, er, fuck you.
I feel you, anon… I hate how dismissive people are whenever I try bringing up how huge of a problem this has been for me all my life, they just don't know what it feels like to be in our skin.
Sadly I have no advice
Yes. Yes yes yes yes oh god please listen to me, yes.
Starter doses of medications and "introductory" types of therapy like CBT are all described as treatments for the same thing in literate: "mild to moderate depression". That's the medium. If you're already showing depressive symptoms, like feeling tired all the time, lack of interest in what used to motivate you, feeling bored by everything or like you've done everything before, you are showing "mild to moderate depression". Intervention at this stage is so much more effective and you can prescribe drugs for it because the last thing you want is for it to turn into "severe depression". That's the bedridden, 'I can't open my mouth without my lips sticking together like sandpaper but I also still just don't care about drinking water' stage. And from experience, someone trying to slap a short term course of CBT on severe, suicidal depression is an exercise of such darkly hilarious futility I hope you never have to go through it.
I know these trite "physical health is the same as mental health uwu" analogies are shit but you don't wait until both kidneys are dead to put someone on the transplant list. You can't operate on a corpse. Take the "mild to moderate" interventions now before you're the corpse.
End it–if he gets a boner it stops being platonic cuddling
He won't necessarily try to make a move, but for the most part, when dudes gets boners its because something sexual stirred up in them
He might try to pass it off as a random boner, and that does happen, but honestly you should just try ending it before it gets more weird
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Hi anons, I need some help and I figured this would be the best place to ask. I’m sick of men, and I don’t want to be romantically involved with them anymore. I’m bisexual and out, but I want to start dating girls. I feel like when I say I’m bisexual, it comes off like I’m not serious about dating girls (I never have because I’ve always been in relationships with guys where I use them and they use me). I feel like if I just said I was a lesbian, guys would treat me how they treat each other and chill out on the creeper shit, and girls would take me seriously. I would consider hooking up with a guy maybe in the future, but I prefer sleeping with girls right now. it feels wrong to call myself a lesbian when I’ve never actually dated a girl, and had lots of boyfriends. I’m not sure if I’m just trying to label myself, I’m just sick of men treating me like a fuck doll because they gave me a free bump or they bought a drink for me. Ian it wrong to call myself a lesbian?
I am no expert, but from observation, turn your body to the side, show the "best" side of your face or hair, or just the front if that's the best.
Tilt your head downwards slightly if the photographer is shorter than you.
One thing I haven't tried but would probably help is a slight duck pose, upper body forward, butt out. This narrows the legs and makes you look thinner
Practice poses in the mirror and especially imagine photographers at angles other than your head height. A lot of people hold the camera quite low which is bad news for taller girls and those who are dressing and looking good for their eyeline (a normal mirror view)
Also practice taking photos and videos of yourself at home so you know what looks good.
Calling yourself lesbian just for cool points with guys is pathetic.
If you're that sick of men, maybe don't focus your indentity around them.
Fuck, no. Don’t call yourself a lesbian if you aren’t one. Especially not to be ~one of the boys because if you look fuckable enough and behave feminine enough around them, they won’t care what your sexuality is. At least as long as you don’t have a dick.
When asked about it or you’re being hit on or whatever simply say you’re not interested in/dating men. As I said, it won’t really make a difference though. It’s not like they’ll be ‘oh okay then let’s hang out and do bro stuff’. They’ll try to fix you because they surely have the magic dick that will turn you straight.tl;dr as long as they want to fuck you your sexuality doesn’t matter anyways so don’t lie
As for other girls just be honest. Lesbians are already suspicious of bisexuals and too often are afraid they’re gonna be dumped for a guy eventually. By lying to them about your sexuality you’re contributing to the stereotype, because if
you end up dating a guy again, they’ll feel betrayed and it will just further increase their distrust towards bisexuals.
Just be honest, even though it might result in less women being willing to date. Everything else isn’t fair to anyone.
I've recently started going bareface as of this year and it's quite liberating. I found the best way to get comfortable is to start off with everything perfect except for your face… meaning that your hair is still clean, your clothes are pretty and neat, and maybe even a bit of mascara. Do this when you go out for groceries, or small tasks where you don't face that many people and then slowly expand from that. I say this because before, I could not leave without a full face + outfit just to go buy batteries.
Feels good to slowly step into not giving a fuck and realizing just how much others do not give a fuck. Goodluck!
I mean as someone who struggled with anxiety and leaving the house when I was younger it usually means that the few relationships you do have you appreciate more.. you have fewer relationships but invest more in them.
Don't walk on eggshells just cos he has anxiety, you are not needy for wanting more than one hangout a fortnight. That doesn't even sound like a relationship
Him not making time to see you is not anxiety, it's him being a shitty bf to you. At the end of the day how much one wants to be around their s.o. is among the criteria when one determines if they are compatible with their partner. You need someone that agrees with you on how much time should be spent together.
Gaming your life away is a form of self-harm but he's gonna have to be accountable for the choices he is making. Feeling anxiety vs letting it tell you what to do are different things and he's gonna have to learn to take action even if his mind is throwing a tantrum. People that blame their mistakes on their ailments are just not grown enough.
Did you tell him stuff that's a shared issue just within the relationship or about a pre-existing problem your bf has?
In one way we're all entitled to vent to friends about relationship issues so it depends on whether it's a relationship issue or something more personal to the bf. More context would help
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How do you learn to like or even approach loving yourself? How do you actively care about your own welfare when you've always felt and been told that you're damaged goods?
Asking for a friend, obviously.
Dealt with a lot of low self esteem too so still not perfect now but it can gradually improve with age and with independence/learning that people come and go and you're ultimately in charge of yourself. Letting go of shitty people and accepting we can only control our own actions. People who are abusive
to you will abuse others too so it's not you that's wrong or damaged.
Are there people who share some traits you dislike about yourself, but you like despite those traits? Looking at things you see as flaws from the perspective of "it doesn't make me worthless or unlovable" should help.
Also for me a huge help was trying to think of myself as a friend and act the way I wish a friend would, but towards myself.
As your self-esteem improves, people that respect you will also become attracted to your social circle. Don't worry too much about the people that don't treat you well rn.
Depends on where you are–but definitely carry around some sort of rape alert device, either a whistle or a pull cord buzzer, and some sort of weapon.
I have friends who have guns, friends with mace, friends with knuckledusters.
But most importantly, it's good to be aware of your surroundings and learn how to navigate tense moments. If you are going to be by yourself a lot, take some self defense classes.
Definitely try to avoid traveling alone, or at least try to stay in confirmed safe places, but do what you have to do.
fuck you and everyone else who tells people to carry knives. if you don't know how to use a knife you are endangering yourself much more than if you simply didn't carry one at all.
never ever carry knives around.>you risk hurting yourself>you risk accidentally hurting someone unintentionally>you risk the aggressor pulling out a knife they know how to use, or a gun, which likely wouldn't have happened otherwise>you risk breaking the knife laws in the area you're traveling
none of these are good things.
Did you even read my post? I said it's a tool, not for slicing the aggressor. Everyone carries a knife and police don't give two shits about knife laws if you're in america or canada. You'd be dumb as hell to travel without one. Its EXTREMELY useful, if not the most useful item I listed.
Also why would you accidentally hurt yourself with a knife? Thats not even possible unless youre a child or retarded. Most knives have a safety if its that concerning. Fuck off and stop policing women. You sound like a scrote who's threatened.
I actually don't advise it Anon. I used to go around everywhere on my own 5-10 years ago but I don't feel safe to do so now. People are markedly more aggressive, staring, following etc than they were before. More criminals, more bad vibes. Those people who said you need someone with you are right. Put some time into making some friends (you could go to clubs/groups/etc on your own to meet them, but better if you can bring someone)
You shouldn't have to consider traveling on your own. Carrying a knife, mace, alarm is no good since any attacker will be stronger and faster than you. It might make you feel safer but what are you gonna do with those things?
Make some friends and then start suggesting vacations and trips you can take with them, once you've known them for a few months to a year. You will have more fun with someone else and not be seen as a first target for any scum.
So I told him I did it. I want to fucking die I can't believe I've done this to him and betrayed him like this.
He's probably going to leave me and its all my fault I've thrown away a perfectly fine relationship because of how much of a fucking bitch I am who can't keep her fucking mouth shut I just want to die
So you and the person you told agreed never to talk about it, and that it was fine. And then you decided to tell your boyfriend about it anyway, for reasons I really cannot discern. If I had a secret, and talking about it would literally only hurt everyone involved, and there were no consequences for not talking about it, I wouldn't talk about it. Was the secret about how he was hitting you, or his coke habit? Maybe you thought your flatmate would eventually let it slip? I don't know. But assuming the secret wasn't illegal, you told him so you wouldn't have to compromise your Saturday-morning cartoon honesty is always the best policy morality, and now you get to move forward with that decision.
And on the side, "because of how much of a fucking bitch I am who can't keep her fucking mouth shut I just want to die"? You sound exhausting. I bet your flatmate has had to develop a really good radar for how much attention you want them to give you when you're whining about something, because if you're having a breakdown about a bad day and they're busy and can't talk, they'll come back to you crying with your hair pulled out and the carpet on fire.
I said keep it on your person, not in your purse lmfao. See you don't even know what you're talking about
Men and rapists are looking for easy targets who won't fight back. To willingly submit with nothing on you is just giving them a chance and is horrible advice. There's no reason for you to be anti knife (kek, wow) and you only mentioned women getting nicked for knife laws which is shady. You just don't want women to be able to defend themselves.>N-no you're a man
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I have a friend who is unemployed but looking for work and gets like $50-100/mo from her dad to do whatever with. She has no bills to pay and lives at home, so she just spends it on clothes and skincare stuff. When we hang out, I pay for everything. I didn't mind at first, but when I found out she was getting some money and still wasn't offering to pay for things or split bills, it kind of pissed me off.
I talked with her about it and said I know she's out of work so I don't expect her to go halfsies every time, but if she's got money to spare, throwing me $10 to cover her cab ride to my place and back or splitting a meal bill would be nice. Still, she never does this unless I straight up ask her to. I'm out of work right now too for medical reasons and am living off savings so it's not like I'm rolling in money.
I almost feel a little taken advantage of, though I doubt that's her real intention. I like hanging out with her but it's getting on my nerves. So, am I being a bitch or what? How would you guys deal with this?
Lmao my friend did this to me. I thought she was impoverished but she was just cheap. Like she had a job and everything but didn’t tell me about it. Up until that point I paid for her food whenever we went out because I felt awkward af just eating in front of somebody else without any food.
I just buy my own shit and eat it in front of her. If she’s too cheap to buy something and enjoy a meal with me, so be it. Idgaf if I feel rude about it anymore. I also complain about her cheapness to our mutual friends and they think I’m a bitch. I fully expect her to offer to pay up after mooching me all these years but she never had. I guess you just have to be confrontational with cheapskates
1 (if I want to see them again, because I'm not going to hug you goodbye if I never want to be in your presence ever)
3, but maybe 2 if it's a long walk somewhere
2, just to flirt
3-4 depending on how much we talk
I don't have a set number for sex, but it's typically after a few months
However many dates that is
How about you?
3rd date is ideal for me. But I do it on first because guys ask and I am afraid of being weird >Holding hands
Probably 3-4th date>Touching arms/legs while sitting next to each other
4-5 date. Maybe sooner.>Kissing
5th date? >Sex
Unsure. Usually a month of seeing them >>121004
Trying to see what the average is. I'm dating and meeting guys on apps and haven't kissed anyone and I'm worried I'm being too prudish.
I've never met a guy who didn't try to kiss me on the first date.
I think just set your own rules for what you're comfortable with and maintain them. Guys will try and get everything as soon as possible. I remember I used to use OKC and it would put guys question answers in the news feed. Most guys anwered "yes" to sex on the first date. You make the rules, not them.
Just because you arent someone's ideal type doesn't mean they aren't attracted to you. I have an ideal type as well, but I have been attracted to men who dont fall in that category and I've been turned off by guys who have (physically) matched it. An ideal is just what you imagine in your head, but it doesnt mean it necessarily works out well in real life. Basically what I'm saying is, if you don't match your boyfriend's ideal type it doesn't mean that he doesn't find you attractive. Superficial appearance only determines so much, but there are so many other reasons to love and be attracted to someone beyond just 'they look like my ideal girlfriend/boyfriend.' In fact I think relationships that start out based on that are the ones that are more likely to fail.
Anyhow, hopefully you aren't feeling down because your boyfriend has been bringing down your appearance or comparing you to other women or something. Otherwise that's a whole different problem.
Have fun not being able to cut through restraints and your body bag. Glad my posts continue to trigger
Are you living in a movie anon? even if you got through the restraints in the Bond movie that is your life, how do you plan on escaping from the car boot/basement/shed that you've been put in without the multiple male criminals who kidnapped you seeing it?
Prevention is better than cure. Carry whatever makes you feel safe and is legal, but primarily people should focus on not being alone outdoors, and staying in safe and busy areas.
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So I've been really needing help with this for a while, Farmers…
Me and my S/o have been together for a little over a year and a half now. I lost my virginity to him, we are long distance but we see each other often enough. But, last time he came to visit something really fucked happened.
Before I start this, maybe I'm overreacting. I was raped as a child and sex and sexual situations scare me a lot sometimes now.
The first day he is here, he is already being a annoying asshole. He groped me and tried to make out with me when I tried to make it clear I wasn't down for that, and just all around bugging the shit out of me.
Well, night comes, and I make it very very clear I dont want to do anything sexual with him tonight. Well, we go to bed, and early in the morning I wake up, to what feels like a very awake person unbuttoning my shirt and touching my tits. I'm uncomfortable, but half asleep so I pass back out. Then I wake up again, and hes violently humping basically my leg I try to push him away, hes fucking gripping me, I cant wiggle away, so as I start to cry, I let it happen, I'm scared, I froze up, and started having serious PTSD. His eyes where closed, he didnt seem lucid I guess? Now, I'm gonna go ahead and say, I still live with my parents, so as soon as I can get away from him, I call my mom, who is at work, and she tells me to get my dad, so I tell him, and either their was some major miscommunication or something because from what he tried to tell me and from what my dad tried to say he told him, are entirely different.
I cant handle this, I'm furious, heartbroken, and I'm a sobbing mess, he ends up going home.
We talked, and I forgave him… basically he has me convinced that it was a miscommunication and he was asleep. But, about a month ago now he said he was too afraid to tell me, but he had a dream about what happened but didnt know it was actually happening.
I'm scared, honestly, I dont know what to do, he has tons of photos of me, and even though I dont think he would ever do something with them, the idea still horrifys me.
I keep going back and forth in my head about if he is lying or not, or if it makes my feelings towards what happened less valid…
What should I do…
The fact that you mention being worried about him having photos of you shows there isn't much trust there, you shouldn't be living in fear of him sharing those. Something isn't right there
When it comes to people initiating sexual play while asleep.. I know it's something that can happen when you've shared a bed with someone for a long time and are comfortable but even then you're usually only HALF asleep so I would be very sceptical about his claim of being fully asleep.
With the fact that you freeze up when these things happen (very understandable given your past) I wouldn't share a bed with someone unless that trust is really there. It's too easy for a guy to just claim 'I was asleep'
Of course your feelings are valid
and you need to talk to someone (possibly a professional) who will truly listen to them, you describe him as 'convincing' you it was miscommunication but listen to your own gut, you called your parents for help and yet he convinces you it was nothing?? He told your dad a diff story to what he told you and again that's just miscommunication?
these are the beginning signs of abuse, and getting you to believe it's just miscommunication, he was just asleep, your past is making overreact, etc. are forms of gaslighting.
think about what you're saying. your bf believes he has right and full access to YOUR body whenever HE wants. has he ever had sleep disorders of this scale before?? you voicing your discomfort and betrayal and him not happy with your response is NOT a "miscommunication".
Dump this fucking guy. Horrific to try and fuck you while you were asleep. It will only get worse from here. Please leave him.
Aside, I'm so glad you are able to talk to your parents about it.
Okay anons, I need some advice on whether I should be feeling as bad as I am about this.
I'm going to a concert in a couple of months, and I have a spare ticket. My mum said she'd go with me (I'm early 20's), but if I find someone else to give it to, it's no problem for her. This was a great plan until the guy I like and I bonded over our mutual love for this band, and I mentioned that I had a spare ticket. He said he'd pay me for it and then drive us and we'd attend together. I was really happy about this, but then I started feeling bad about changing the plans that my mum and I had. I enjoy spending time with her, and I know she enjoys it too, so I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'd rather go with the guy I like (which I feel bad saying).
What do you think anons? Should I feel bad about this? I really want to go as a date, which is completely normal for a woman in her early 20s, but don't want to hurt my mum's feelings.
Your mom is likely to not care that much about this concert, unless it is a favorite band of hers or something. I doubt she would care and probably glad that this guy wants to drive you instead
As long as the guy is someone you know and trust, since you will be on your own with him.
And seconded the idea of arranging a more mom-suitable outing, like going to a pretty gardens or cake shop.
A lot of guys hate talking about themselves, but love giving advice.
If you wanted to try finessing your way into a conversation about his feelings, try asking for advice on how to deal with something you think he's going through.
Or you could try the old "A friend of mine is going through a tough time and won't talk about it" routine.
That's only if you don't want to be upfront about it, which might be best if he insists that he doesn't want to talk.
I'd try waiting a few days since the last time you tried bringing up his feelings, just so he doesn't automatically shut you out.
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i think my boyfriend is becoming a troon and i'm genuinely scared i don't even really have anything against transgender people i just have a feeling that he would be one of those weird alt right nazi animefag trannies that call themselves traps and imo that's the worst kind and i don't know what to do i don't want to break up with him he's said he's not trans multiple times and said he doesn't have "dysphoria" but today he said he doesn't really care if he's called he or she and that's either one step closer to becoming a tranny or he just thinks that he wouldn't mind being called a she until someone actually does and one of his friends is a tranny boi and he's joked with me about him being transgender multiple times so like what if he knows what if he's correct and senses the tranny on him like should i bring it up to him should i ask if he's trans or what i'm so confused
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didn't want to worry him but i finally opened to my boyfriend that i fall down and my body shakes while head uncontrollably hits the floor repeatedly. i am aware while it happens but can only look forward and barely comprehend what my body is doing. bf said i'm having seizures because of my anorexia and malnutrition but i thought ppl don't remember a seizure. :"i can't make you eat but if you're having seizures at your current bmi you will die before your goal." (i admitted i want a low 12)
i call him and eat a snack together so he knows i've eaten we both love asian food or discuss things i want to eat i love food i want to try new ones. my boyfriend asks if i think i can put on weight by myself but i only say idk. i think i need help, ppl tell me i'm too thin or ask do i want to die?
i find out today if accepted to a 6 bed unit do they have waiting lists? in 7 days i'm buying a cake with my bf. on the way to my computer currently i collapsed and tried to stand up only to immediately fall backwards again against a chair and table like a retard. anon is tired and wants to help herself. sage for not eating enough
My best friend can’t keep a girlfriend, and I don’t get why.
He has his faults, but he’s empathetic and kind and has real actual feelings. Sad to say, but I think most of us know a man like that is a rarity. They’ve all dumped him with the “sorry I’m just not ready for a relationship and need to work on me”, sometimes completely out of the blue. The only relationship he was in long-term was horribly emotionally abusive. If I hadn’t seen some of it myself, I wouldn’t believe someone would be cartoon villain evil like that.
I don’t know if he’s naturally attracted to emotionally cold or damaged women, or if he has terrible luck, or if he’s pulling some kind of shit I don’t see. He always asks for advice and takes it to heart, and he gives them space and respect; when he likes them he’s not overbearing (at least that I can tell???). He’s tried different ‘strategies’- and that shitty meme about being aloof and showing no vulnerability seems to keep them from dropping him. I insist that you can’t be in a relationship while playing a constant game of mind-chess; if someone seems “eh” toward me, it’s a huge turnoff and I lose interest. And the more vulnerable you are, the more I tend to take greater care with you, and it helps me build trust. He says I’m atypical, and this hasn’t been his experience. Meanwhile I have girlfriends being verbally abused by all the pieces of trash on Tinder- surely this must happen to the girls he’s dated too? If you had to guess, where are things going sideways, and how can I help him?
So if he was fapping to normal porn with plastic porn actresses it would be fine?
Then just admit you are insecure about your body and work on it.
Yes, but the fact that he does jack off to this shit means he is not very loyal and it will probably affect their sex life sooner or later. It says nothing about how attractive she is, but says volumes about him, is what I'm saying.
I think what will be the deciding factor in all this will be how he reacts when she decides to communicate all this to him. But if a guy is already neurotically jerking it to porn it's already a bad sign. Some men are just like that and can't change
So, long story as short as it can get:
>Meets guy ten years ago.
>Love at first sight.
>Falls madly in love, have great relationship.
>He leaves me, it is justified in hindsight bc was kind of a bitch due to life struggles at the time.
>Breaks my heart, takes a long-ass time, gets over him, moves on.
>Stay friends the whole time tho, talk sporadically throughout the years, meet when we are close to one another. Friendship has been good all the way.
>I recently got out of other serious relationship due to wanting to be child-free and that ex does not.
>Guy from ten years ago is in a serious relationship too atm.
>Guy from ten years ago comes to visit, we hang out, we get along massively.
This is where it gets complicated.
He tells me he basically regrets his choice to leave, he misses me, he feels so comfortable with me, that he would like another chance, that he's never felt the same about anyone else (Nor have I). Says he's just waiting for me to say he can come home. (To me that is)
(Nothing sexual or innapropriate happens due to his GF)
I'm not 100% sure I can trust what he says, because im a skeptic.
Never expected this, never expected him to admit he regrets leaving, never expected or thought he wanted me back, didn't even think he did.
Any advice on what I should do, what I should watch out for?
I'd be sceptical too, I mean you were apart for a long time and he was doing just fine without you.. now he wants to hop directly from one relationship into another? Doesn't sound like the healthiest person.
Is he staying with the current gf til you tell him what to do? Pretty shitty for her and her future trust in guys
Yeah I think it's a little weird, it's so out of nowhere, ten years later, da fuq?>Is he staying with the current gf til you tell him what to do? Pretty shitty for her and her future trust in guys
I know, which is why I've been considering telling him if he's not happy to just leave her, and be single for a while to see if he can. (I'm not getting hurt by this guy again. I've never taken back an ex before, this is the first time I've entertained the thought.)
Keep in mind I don't know the following for sure, and I haven't really kept up with his life and what he was doing, but he does seem to be a bit of a serial monogamist. (I say this because he left a gf he had and got with me really soon after, he got a new gf very soon after leaving me, and I didn't pay attention to what happened after that, but for the majority of his time he seems to never really be single for long periods of time.)
If he's not happy with her he should leave for both their sakes IMO. I think its BS to keep her on the burner like that, and come running to me. If that's how you want to get your second chance what in the ever-living fuck makes you think I would ever trust you 100%?
I'm fine on my own and I want to remain single for a while anyways.
I'm only torn because muh first love, and because he's honestly really funny and awesome in general except for this bit.
I just don't know, is it weird to be like "Leave her and be single for a while and then we'll see, maybe." I have no problems telling him straight up I don't trust you, earn my trust. But I don't know if that would be so smart. Thoughts?
Okay, I went through some stuff, majorly depressed, and I pushed all my friends away because I was heavily considering suicide
I'm not dead, I'm not super thinking about it too hard right now, so far from saying I'm not suicidal but I'm not an immediate threat and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be okay for the next year
problem is, I feel bad for what I did to my friends, two of them in particular, but mostly I just stopped responding to them and told them I didn't want to be friends/we can't be friends anymore
And while I'm okay with not being friends, I have to lie in my bed and all, I still feel like I should apologize and at least let them know that I was just in a bad place and didn't really want to hurt them any further
Would reaching out to them be hypocritical or damaging to them? The worst that I could do is invite them into my life and push them back out when I inevitably get into my feelings too much, so I want to avoid that
I'd be more than open to being friends, but I would just feel bad and I'd know that I'd always have this potential to hurt them
Maybe I should do it anonymously? I still check on them sometimes to see how they are doing
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Can someone recommend me books where female characters save suffering male characters?
Like Irina and Mirnatius from Spinning Silver (someone mentioned Mirnatius on the husbando thread and I decided to read the book, am satisfied, 10/10)
Hi, how do I stop being so toxic and jealous?
I met a woman at some random online meetup thing, and when she was talking about political and anthropological issues, and I was honestly intimidated by all the terms she used in a casual, not showoff way. I just listened, because I couldn‘t contribute. She was also very pretty, and had a fit body. She was considerate in conversation and seemed nice.
I guess to ease myself I stereotyped her as privileged, well off, probably studying something arts or philosophy related with that kind of vocabulary.
But I saw her again at my bf‘s work, and I was surprised. It‘s more like an engineering, hard sciences place where you definitely get in based on merit. So she‘s just really smart, kind and pretty.
My insecurity got the better of me and I asked bf if he thinks she‘s attractive, he was like "eh", probably because he knew how I felt, but I guess his opinion didn‘t matter too much.
I‘m the one who thinks she‘s better in EVERY way. And it just eats me up. I was going to try be her friend (posted in the confession thread) but I was just…scared I guess.
And so she‘s probably living her best life, feeling accomplished and all that, while I‘m sitting here consumed with jealousy, like an ugly stepsister. I want to be like her. I want to be better.
I get how you're feeling. I'm easily intimidated by other women as well and tend to romanticize their lives and grow to resent them for it. I think for me it's because I was always on the depressed side and my best friends in high school were very beautiful, socially competent and seemed to have loads of energy at all times. They were wonderful people but it made me feel like the dumpy one.
Nowadays I try to overcome these feelings because being friends with someone genuinely cool can give you positive role models as well. When you find out you can share things with them and talk to them on an equal level you'll probably find it easier to let go of that inequality you've created in your mind.
This is why hanging out with just girls can be great. It really doesn't matter who is more attractive or has a cooler life if you just enjoy interacting with eachother. In the end, your issues are pretty much caused by how you think other people or society judge you, whereas in a friendship those things really have no place.
If she's really that kind she'll confirm that notion and if she doesn't, well, turns out she wasn't that great after all then.
If you share two classes that's a good opener!
When you're leaving one of them, approach him when he's walking alone and say something like "hey, do we share x class?" Then ask him about his studies and go from there.
I made a male friend that way last fall and had a girl approach me similarly once. It's not too weird and almost easymode when it comes to cold approaches. If you had nothing
in common it might be creepy to him, but luckily you do.
The other anon is right, use the fact that you have multiple classes together to your advantage. It's not weird or creepy at all to talk to your classmates, it happens all the time.
Plus most guys are attention starved and love it when women approach them first so odds are he'll be happy you came to talk to him.
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Has anyone here “rebranded” themselves?
I feel a bit silly having an identity crisis at 25, but I want to drastically rebrand myself — get a completely new wardrobe, cut my hair, get tattoos, change my social media handles, etc. I’ve even been thinking about changing the name I go by professionally (I have a very boring first name and a really long, foreign surname).
I’ve recently gone though a lot of transitions with locations, friends and, most recently, careers. Frankly, I feel and look very uncool, especially compared to people that are adjacent to the field I work in (design/aesthetic-oriented), and I really want to change that. I also don’t feel like my outer-self nor my “””brand””” reflects who I really am ~on the inside~. I feel a bit shallow and too social-media-oriented wanting to do so, but I think it'd be better for me in the end.
Tips/thoughts? TiA, /g/.
Honestly I don’t think this is a bad idea, if it’s something you really want. I’ve kinda started a similar process, just by slowly adding more “me” items to my wardrobe and getting rid of things I no longer identify with (a must tbh, or else I’ll keep wearing them). There’s a couple things that I’ve chosen to really make my Thing, something people will associate me with. Weird/unique earrings, for example. The hardest part is to really stick with it while I’m still getting comfortable! I keep wanting to revert back to my old stuff because it’s familiar, you know?
Idk if this helps at all, but I hope you evolve into the person you want to be and get the recognition you’re looking for!
Are you me? I'm 25 now and I really want an overhaul, but its taking more time than I anticipated - turning from a pessimist into an optimist (and other mindset-related habits), slowly redoing my wardrobe (I'm really paranoid about looking like a weird adult stuck in teen fashion), and I've even gotten tattoos already and am on my way to a sleeve lol. But don't ever do it as a result of comparing yourself to others! Do every single bit of it for you. I think the changes are also just a normal part of aging and really settling into your own skin, so to speak. It's also a sign that you're still constantly working on yourself.>>122066
Agreed on the tattoos, I had a lot of impulse ideas I thought would look neat but everything I got ended up being themed around stuff I've loved for many many years and nothing trendy. Never be ashamed of basic stuff like flowers or animals for your first time, IMO.
about to move into a new place
I have about 1.2k in the bank, which is about what I make every 2 weeks. I already paid the security deposit, so I know I'll make rent and probably have enough to pay for car bills, gas, electricity, etc etc
I really thought I was going to have more saved up, but I just spent a lot more than I figured. I'm going to have to buy a bed with all the fixings and hopefully I can start to furnish my place.
I'd love to have normal stuff like a bed, a tv, a couch, table, chairs, desk, basically everything a normal place has (also I love food, so hopefully tons of kitchen gadgets)
Am I just fucked or do you think I can make it?
Hard Mode: My sister is not in the best place and needs mouth surgery (wisdom tooth). I've been giving her lots and lots of money over the past year, maybe almost 2k–do you think I can still make it if something blows up and I have to take care of her?
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it's fucking EVERYONE not just me.I have learned so many things the past 3 days that i dont want to trust this person about ANYTHING anymore.the level of manipulation is insane
idk if there are turkish anons or anons who watch turkish dramas,but if you have seen kadin,you surely know sirin.so just for comparison,the lies,manipulation and entitlement are sirin-tier just a not as extreme
im seriously considering making a thread on personal lolcows about that person really
I want to so fucking badly. Same age, same hangups on my own name, same everything. I'd love to just drop everything and leave this town I'm living in right now, but I can't afford it and am struggling with my job at the moment. This month I got really fed up with it and the schedule I wound up working for 2 weeks and actually reached a point where I put in my last few weeks notice and had may last day set during the first weekend in September. I admit I went back-asswards in doing this and informed my boss first before my family to keep from having someone else tell her first and have it backfire on me, and she understood why I wanted to leave (needing to save more money to eventually get out on my own and pay off 4-year car loan, needing to get insurance, needing static hours and not being at the beck and call of other people on different shifts), but I also didn't have another job lined up.
But when I finally settled it and started telling my family, the people that complained the most about the hours I worked, instead I got everyone telling me I should've had the second job lined up before I quit and that I was better off staying until I got a second job. Issue is, I don't exactly have a lot of padding on my side. I don't have a diploma from the trade school I went to, I'm not using the license I got from said trade school, I don't have good references for work down here, and my work history is already spotty. I didn't get to start working until after I finished high school, so I had no idea how bunged up everything was until just now when I'm staring down the barrel of unemployment barely a week into my ending time.
So I took back my last few weeks under the idea of staying until either I get a call back from another job or they find more help down here at the current job, but what do I do when no other job is gonna hire me with my background? I can't even finish the applications I have right now. If I could work through online jobs or something I'd be doing great, but there's little to no chance of that unless I fake it to make it, and I know I'd suffocate without any personal work interactions.
>tfw i'd be better off dead at this point but can't leave family in financial debt either
This is tricky anon and I get it but your gf doesn't want to help herself.you got with her to help her yet she treats you badly.the fact she is depressed doesn't give her a pass to treat you like this and ignore you.at the very least she could say sorry but I don't think she will
You said that you're afraid that the break up will drive her over the edge(understandable fear)and that she has no one else.how did she pull through before you got together though?did she have someone else in her life then or was she still by herself?
people usually accuse this for 1 of 2 reasons>they feel neglected and assume it's becaue you're neglecting them for someone else>they are cheating and are projecting
try going from the angle that you're worried about them first, and then try to suss out why they are asking.
Like other anon said this can be projection when they are actually the one considering cheating or actually cheating, they assume that you must be feeling the same way
Have you given them any reason to suspect anything? When accusations really come out of the blue it's often projection
I've been in and out (but mostly in) therapy for over a decade. Medicated for almost just as long.
I take up more space than I was ever worth in the lives of others around me. How do I even begin to patch up those holes in my absence?
Your life is for you. Never worry if you are imposing on others. People love you and want to help support you. You are not a burden, in fact, those that love you would rather help you than lose you. Always.
If medication is not working, maybe there are other options. I haven't had many years experience of medication or even aware of your issues but the medications I took the side effects actually did outweigh the positives. I've been off them completely and noticed an improvement (in tandem with doing exercise, my diet is pretty shit which can also effect mood).
Life is about every new morning being a new day. I know this sounds cliche. The sun will always rise tomorrow for you, and if you have a roof over your head try to feel safe and content for that alone.
I also didn't find therapy useful, but I haven't tried many therapists like I have medication. I can totally understand feeling jaded. You love those around you as you're worried about them. Maybe you can try and live for them for a while? What I mean is maybe pay back some kindness if you can. While you're serving others it might give you the distraction for your subconscious to work. You probably suffer from overthinking and maybe asking your boyfriend or family members if there's anything fun you could do together could be the mind break you need.
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Baby get movin,
(Better get movin)
Why keep your feeble hopes alive?
What are you provin?
(What are you provin)
You've got the dream but not the drive.
Now your bangs are curled,
Your lashes twirled,
But still the world is cruel,
Wipe off that angel face and go back to high school.
In my experience, there's no quick fix or specific 10 step plan for social anxiety, you just have to take it a step at a time
It depends on what you feel like works best for you, but no matter what, it just has to involve you getting out of your comfort zone in some way
Somethings that worked for me would be sitting next to people you want to know better in class. Even if you don't end up being best friends, you have a better shot at interacting
College is the perfect time to try out a few different things, take it slow, and learn more about how you interact with the world. Even if you don't get a specific result, at least you know what does and doesn't work for you in the future
And if all else fails, get professional help. A lot of colleges try to offer counseling, so it may help to talk to someone who knows more about this.
And you could even try hitting up that lolcow friend thing to see if there's anyone in your area that you have anything in common with
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I'm about to do some serious crazy bitch shit.
To make a long story short I'm going to go hook up with someone. Which wouldnt normally be weird but it's the person that sexually abused me when I was much younger. Despite going to jail she didn't get in all that much trouble. She's out of prison now and I'm still hung up on what happened after a decade and I don't know why I want her to fuck me again but I don't think about it too hard. Not the point though. I'm just trying to decide if I want to ruin her marriage after or just move on with life.
I wouldn't normally try to sabotage someone else's relationship but since I dont get to be happy and well adjusted thanks to her I think I should pay her back in full
Anon, you can be happy and well adjusted, but if you ever want to do that you can't do this.
Not saying you have to move on, not saying that you can't get revenge in some way, but doing this isn't the best way to continue.
You posted this in the advice thread rather than the confession or vent thread, not even the dumbass thread, so I have to assume that you want someone to talk you down–even if subconsciously.
You'll just end up with more guilt issues, more loss of agency and giving her an opportunity to weasel back into your life and fuck it up further. As for the revenge scheme it won't work since if she's had no repercussions even after going to prison for being a chomo she's probably very good at manipulation people and talking a man into forgiving or even letting you fuck another woman is easy peasy pussy squeazy.
I've noticed pretending victim
behavior is actually part of some le revenge plot common with abused women. Like the anon in the other thread who says she's staying with her shithead bf to get back at him later. In reality she knows he wants her to keep putting up with him so tells herself it's actually her choice. Just like how obviously you're not going to epic own your sex abuser by having sex with her, you just know that's what she wants you to do so are trying to explain way still being compelled to give her what she wants, which is also why you don't like thinking about it.
Never talk to her again and get some therapy.
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advice for finding A/AA size bras? most seem to be really uncomfortable and feel child-sized (really tight around the chest)
padded sports bras do the trick usually but less convenient
and any experience with implants A to B size?
If its tight you might actually wanna try a different band size. But the one and only bra that has ever fit my flat chest without leaving gaps in the cups is American Eagle's Aerie t-shirt bra. The band is really thick too, I got a nude colored one in 32AA and its all I wear when I cant wear bralettes. Hasn't fallen apart or broken or even faded after all the wear and washes.
I alao have a Victoria's Secret Bombshell bra but it was $50 and I only wear if it I really feel I have to. Barely gets any cleavage and its uncomfortable af but it makes me not look like a child.
Agree with >>122525
about Aerie, I've heard good stuff about them. You should also check your band size. It's possible you're a larger band and maybe smaller cup. There were a few sites but idk about them really since I've gotten a bit bigger and don't have to look for AA/A cup bras anymore, it's a lot easier. I have a Natori feathers bra and apparently those are well-loved if you're small-breasted…I wore a 32C and am a 32B (true size is something stupid so I don't buy in it) so I think it runs slightly small, and the bra has lasted me years. I personally liked going into places like Nordstrom and just trying stuff on and I'll splurge on a few good bras I can have until they wear out.
If you aren't too bothered about padding, bralettes are way easier to find for your size, or wire bras without padding.
I would recommend against getting implants until you are certain your reasons for getting them are going to make you feel better after you wake up from the procedure. They will probably try to pressure you into going bigger than a B cup, too. I used to hate my boob size, but I've grown into it a lot better, and realize they look fine on my frame, but I realize I am a bit bigger than you.
thank you! i'll browse for those>I would recommend against getting implants
i prefer smaller breasts myself but it's hard to look at myself when my chest looks like a fat teenage boy's manboobs so it's hard not considering it
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How do I stop being annoying/obnoxious?
Back in high school, a girl that I kind of hated said that her first impression of me was bad, since I came off annoying. Now don't get me wrong, she was an extreme cunt and I probably shouldn't care about her opinion but what if I actually am annoying?
I'm struggling to make friends at college and I overall cringe at myself in social situations. I'm loud, talkative (to the point where I interrupt people) always smiling and energetic. That's my personality but I'm realizing that it all might come off extremely obnoxious.
How can I change this? It's hard for me to "tone it down". Any advice on how I can take it down a notch?
Catch yourself interrupting people, apologise, and ask them to continue whilst listening attentively. Learn to hold your point until the other person had finished speaking instead of speaking over them.
Listen to how loud other people are speaking and match their volume. Regularly pay attention to how people respond. Are they flinching or grimacing? You’re shouting at them.
Smiling a lot and being energetic aren’t bad things. People might get bothered but tbh nobody who’s upset over someone being smiley is worth your time.
I'm just like you Anon. In high school the people I started hanging out with very quickly told me that I was obnoxious and I spend the next 3 years pretending to be super chill and became really introverted, until I went to college and met other people. But I think I also kinda grew up so I'm not as intense as you sound anymore.
So I'd recommend trying to stay a bit calmer, and use your energy wisely. You could try meditating or doing sports on the morning to calm yourself down/use up some energy, avoiding caffeine, and trying to listen consciously to people.
But let yourself go sometimes, like at parties or hangouts. You don't have to completely change for anyone.
I have anxiety and a weighted blanket! I wouldn’t say it helps significantly
in extreme cases, but it can be comforting. It kind of feels like I’m being given a comforting, tight, hug. I think it could help her.
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Tldr: I am very concerned about my older sister because she is morbidly obese and I don't know how to help her.
I lost my dad a few years back because he suddenly had a heart attack due to his obesity and cardiovascular problems. I got the news of his death through the phone as I live in another country than my family.
My family is full of obese people but my sister is reaching a point that sometimes keeps me up at night; like I feel that I am going to get a call sometime in the future of my mom telling me that my sis is dead.
She has a baby daughter and an amazing husband. Tons of people that love her but I feel that people at home enable her bad eating habits (I was obese myself at some point). She also has PCOS, depression and gallbladder stones (I think)so she is in constant pain. She needs a surgery to take the stones out but the doctor told her that she needs to drop some weight as it could be super intrusive and more dangerous to perform it at her current weight.
Whenever she starts a diet or going to the gym, she goes all out and despite her problems she is able to lose a bit of weight. She either reaches plateau and gets sad or she rewards her behaviour with a "rest day" or a "cheat day" which then becomes a whole fucking month,then she feels depressed because of it and the cycle repeats. She is also one of those people that if they had a "bad" snack during the day they are like "fuck it, I'm starting tomorrow" and just eat shitty the rest of the day.
I had serious-heart to heart conversations with her before but the effects are not lasting. She cries a lot, it hurts her feelings, her weight makes her depressed.
She knows she has a problem, "wants" to fix it but doesn't really do anything sustainable to keep her weight off.
Now, I am back at my hometown temporarily and would like to know how can I help her get out of this?
How can I offer her support and motivation if I am not around?
What can I do to make sure she keeps taking care of herself when I leave? Ugh
I feel that I'm watching my sister kill herself man.. I'm so frustrated and scared for her. I just want her to be happy with her body, with a healthy mind and physique. I am terribly scared of losing her too
Also, excuse my formatting, I'm on mobile and very exhausted from my trip
You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.
Until your sister is actually ready to be really committed to taking care of herself, there's not a lot you can do. Do your best to continue to be a good influence, include your healthy habits as part of normal discussion, offer her help if you can, and let her know you've always time to listen if she wants to talk.
She's the only one who controls what she eats. It's her call.
If used correctly, a condom should be 97%~ safe. If you want to be really sure, using a condom in combination with hormonal birth control should keep you safe on the pregnancy front and prevent the risk with most STDs.
Technically, it wouldn't be impossible even with that set up, but incredibly unlikely.
Notes about condom use since you seem a lil green: check the date on the wrapper first, squeeze the air out the well (the little nub) during application, don't use anything oil-based on standard latex condoms (baby oil, vaseline, some lubricants, some lipsticks/chapsticks/glosses/etc, I would be nervous about body oils or lotions or w/e too that just happen to be on your hands/body), single use only. If the boner dies, new condom every time. If you feel or hear a snap, ask to check if it's intact as they can break. Careful with long nails and jewellery as that can tear them. Don't flush them down the toilet after use - ball it up in a tissue and put it in the trash. If it doesn't go on right first time round, get a new one. They can't be used effectively inside-out so read the box first for diagrams that should show you which way out they go (it's difficult to describe). If someone doesn't comply, don't fuck 'em.
worth noting - hormonal (pill, rod, depo shot etc) contraception does not prevent the spread of STDs. Condoms are your best bet for that.
Yes. Here's a good source for combined effectiveness: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_
Never assume perfect use, ans talk to your partner about what you would do if you did accidentally get pregnant.
I dated a guy like this. He thought my interest in video games was superficial but I grew up with a console from age 4 due to an older brother and use to play through games with him. Amongst my friends it was actually uncommon for a person to complete a game, which I found so weird. Anyway, my ex use to scream at the TV. Get so wound up, make noises. Playing online when we weren't together he was just as angry and would leave games when he was playing shit. We even played with friends and would get mad at us for laughing when we were winning but when he was winning he'd gloat in not a fun way.
He was aggressively competitive but technically shit. He couldn't cope that I was better while not taking it as serious.
I don't know if you can break that type of mentality were they think video games are srs bsns. My ex had loads of anger issues and it just wasn't fun to be around him in the long term. I don't understand how they can get enjoyment out of something that causes them so much anger lol. I ended up playing more with our mutual friends and his bffs stuck to staying in his vc party. It sucks cause it should be a fun hobby you can share but guys are fucking weird
>I'm struggling to make friends at college and I overall cringe at myself in social situations. I'm loud, talkative (to the point where I interrupt people) always smiling and energetic.
I wanted to second the anon who told you that people who are bothered by your personality don't deserve to your attention. You don't sound like a bad person. I know it's hard when people are criticizing you but I'd rather be around someone who is fun and energetic than someone is bitchy and mopey all the time.
My advice to you obnoxious anon is perhaps you should look into being around people who can handle your big personality? I also get the obnoxious edit by people for being outspoken and having a sense of humor. It happens. I've learned not to care too much because usually the ones rolling their eyes and being catty are dull as fuck and miserable.
You should consider taking acting classes and such because even if you're not interested in theatre, it's a good way to be self-expressive and learn how to hone your energy in a positive way. Or try sports, something that's physical.
Most importantly anon, don't let people steal your shine. Don't let other people pull a cloud over your star. You sound like a fun person who's getting picked on for not being a quiet uwu little girl.
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the other ana-chans in my treatment(6) ignore me because i'm a little histrionic and fall apart multiple times throughout each day. like other day i didn't know what was in my food and i asked but somebody assumed i was food shaming so i burst into tears saying sorry sorry and made a scene.
i ate a korean beef bowl for dinner but i wanted to die afterwards, writing "beef+rice+cheese=girls with bellies" and said "should be executed" on a confidential q/a sheet between my therapist and i. i don't give a shit what others eat, besides this one girl who gets to eat less because "her ed thoughts are stronger" so she and i compete. fuck her. i was only referring to myself getting a belly and deserving to be executed for eating it but somebody read it?? and told all the others.
so i'm eating a snack. andsomebody asks for an exta exchange and receives and i'm like o nice i should get additional 1/2 cup of blueberries so i ask and i'm told no and i need to follow meal plan? so i said "but-" and extra-girl shuts me down with "what are you getting AT?"
i broke down crying said i wasn't implying anything about her getting more food, it only reminded me i want some blueberries so why can't i use my daily free exchange?
then i tossed my snack in bin and my therapist came. somebody burst into tears several rooms away, ppl crying, shit talking me. i seriously forgot i even wrote about wanting to be executed?? and seeing how upset they were because of me, even though i'm constantly appeasing everyone and genuinely need their approval to like want to be alive? i feel hurt and my personal message was taken out of context.
what do i even do to fix this? the atmosphere was really calm and open but now theres a cliche and is lame.
I’d avoid you too. Imagine trying to get your shit together while someone is screeching about weird little equations and blueberries.
Think about how you’re affecting people before you throw a fit.
I live on the same street as an incredibly depressing, scabby old bar in the UK. I've lived in this area almost a decade and have been inside it once, which was more than enough. I'm having problems with a patron.
Older guy, 70s ish, queues for the bar opening at 10am daily. He channels his loneliness in to shouting at strangers while he smokes on the street.
I make it a policy not to respond to people like that generally as little good can come of it, but this particular guy has really taken issue with me. I have to walk directly in front of the bar to visit my parents, which I do a couple of times a week, and since I've never responded to him, he's taken to shouting 'cunt' at me. The frequency of this has stepped up pretty sharply and it's happening a couple of times a week now. The last incident was far more direct than others and I'm worried that he and his… friends? fellow drinkers? whatever, will target me further and also target my home (since they see me leaving my property and walking to another).
I'm cautious of wading in and essentially saying 'the big bad man was a meanie to me' as I'm pretty sure that would just encourage further abuse, otherwise I'd contact the bar during the daytime and explain the matter to staff, and let them round up their own idiots. This fuckwad knows roughly where I live and whilst I doubt he could actually do me much harm himself, I don't need the entire regular population of the place chiming in.
What do? Is there anything I can do to make him stop without jeopardising my own situation? I've thought to approach the local authority about it but I fear that would be read as really confrontational.
i'd like to clarify i didn't say any of that out loud, only on a written answer paper other patients are never allowed to read. what i wrote was aimed at me and only me. the prmpt asked "how are you feeling afterwards" and obviously i can't say i want to be dead after eating, so i expressed somebody else should execute me. i do not want to be dead, i only feel as if i deserve to be but obviously i want to continue being alive.
and i didn't screech about blueberries lol i was trying to be more assertive thinking of the reason one patient can use her additional exchange but i can't. the rule changes depending on the staff watching us.
i teared up and got defensive once their tones became sharp and interrogative.>>123747
my therapist helped me in an interpersonal group she leads where i was given a chance to explain what i wrote and why i wrote it. another patient came forward and said she should have given my paper back to staff after finding it instead of sharing my personal information to each patient. extra-girl said sorry and apologized on behalf of another girl who lashed out at me beforehand.
they're including me in the group again, i'm no longer dead to them. today is much better and it feels like things are returning to a more encouraging environment. i also have a session w my therapist, too. maybe everything will be ok again.
but i wasn't mean to anybody but myself? i didn't shame another patient or tell them something upsetting, they stole my therapist's confidential paper & took how i feel about my body and my self out of context.
the only moments i think badly of others is when i feel like that specific girl is competing w me at meals, triggering
both of us. but she's sweet and i still like her as a person? i've only ever said mean comments about my self.
as for my breakdowns, i 'm trying to stay together but each day is different. as long as i' m actually trying. idk
Ana-chan, focus on your treatment, and don't write suicidal shit in the hospital unless you want to be treated like a risk to yourself and others. Also, bellies are awesome. I keep telling my boyfriend this, he thinks he's fat, but I'd rather cuddle with a pillow than a bag of bones>>123741
Definitely call the bar and complain. Call the cops if you want. That's harassment, and making a big deal out of it is the only way you'll get him to face consequences.
You did good not responding in person, but I would suggest to try and get the staff to do something about him.
I am also from UK, I know the trash holes you are talking of. Can you grab the phone number of the bar online or from someone you know who can go in? Call them and tell them, provided the staff aren't utter filth they should know exactly who you mean and they will act. Usually they tolerate those guys because they have nowhere else to go, but they know they're bad news and know how to reign them in. It's not like they're good at hiding that they are garbage when they're drunk.
Other than that, it's fine to call the cops. They won't do much to the guy, but I think they will go to the pubs staff and make them aware in a more persuasive way, hopefully.
~I’m not meeeeeean~
Literally competing with the girl on the smallest meal plan because “fuck her”.
Sure Ana chan. Only the kindest people deliberately choose to negatively impact someone else’s recovery just to indulge in their own childishness and illness. You’re not even supposed to post here if you’re 12.
she's not on a smaller meal plan, she has access to gluten free choices and is vegetarian even tho i was vegetarian too for 14 months before being admitted. she's been here 7 weeks me 2 weeks.
we get to plate our own snacks and sides for meals, or make our meals. her gluten free salad dressing is 25cal while rest of us get ranch lol. she's allowed to eat ricecakes because gluten free but the dietitian said nobody else can because its an ed behavior. she only eats cottage cheese for dairy/pro. her lowcal hummus and pretzels.1-2 hard boiled eggs instead of meat. she eats the same thing each day. 25cal fruit cups.
in our last group she openly said said i make her feel not sick enough so she has to be more obvious and eat less but this whole treatment i've been thinking "she's perfect and better than me in every aspect of life: she's 34 and more mature, weighs less probably, has a degree, independent, a car, she's been anorexic for 21 years and she'sbeen to inpatient so much . my life is constant hospital so i'm unable to move forward in life, why can't i be more like her, i want to feel sick enough and maybe i'd get better then"
she said she doesn't want the two of us alone at lunch outing next week because i'll need more support and she won't get as much attention???? i feel that way eating near her each day? she gets to eat less calories and still doesn't finish her meals, begins sobbing and requires unscheduled therapy sessions. but apparently because she feels not as sick as me. when she cries at the table i feel as if my anorexia is fake and i should be crying too. or that i can't begin eating until she's finished the portion she eats because she's also watching me? . we're feeding off each other-it's not only me.
she also admitted she engages in the same behaviors as i do but only i'm facing criticism from the others. that they are very patient and reassuring to only her. weird group
sage because i'm through talking about. my problem was solved by us being more open to each other. thanks for input.
Thanks for underlining it as harassment, I suppose. I'm aware this is so everyday for a lot of people, particularly women, that it's hard to actually want to have much of a stink created about it.>>123783
I did actually respond to him once this week, but did my best to be outrageously respectful. He did his regular calling me a cunt business, and I said words to the effect of 'it's no wonder you're standing here alone if you talk to strangers like that, sir'. Other patrons overheard the conversation. Being riled enough to actually clap back was the motivation for asking for advice here, haha. The bar does have a phone number but they don't have a great record of actually answering it. I'll try during the daytime, and take a note of when I contacted them (and any incidents going forward). Thanks for the advice.
I'm aware the owner and staff know that this guy is trouble. I'm certain the staff are complicit in a whole lot of nonsense. I've seen the old guy get served before 10AM (Scotfag, that's illegal here), people are regularly removed in ambulances, patrons stand outside smoking and shouting at people passing by. It's a right pit of a place.
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I might have already vented and asked about this here, but I am not sure and I am still struggling with the same goddamn issue (no, it's not boyfriend related!).
Where the fuck do people find online friends nowadays and how do they do it? Due to being bullied for most of my childhood I have developed AVPD and never learned to express myself. I do not feel comfortable revealing anything about myself. I really wish I could find some place to just post random photos and posts related to my thoughts and interest and connect with similar ladies… I have no idea how people manage to do that! I have been conditioned to hide EVERYTHING and to be as boring and quiet as possible cause everything could have been (and usually was) used against me.
I almost envy Luna Slater cause she's so good about shamelessly documenting her life and interests even though she's a huge neet mess…
Where and how do I blog in order to find others like me? It doesn't have that I am obsessed about niche hobbies…
What sort of niche hobbies are we talking about, we'd need to know that to recommend.
I also have AVPD, an especially cripplingly strong case. It sucks, it definitely feels like a disability, but few people other than us would see it that way.
What's wrong with places like tumblr? They have spaces for niche communities. Online forums and blogs are a good avenue of socialisation for people who need it.
I enjoy true crime, toy collecting and music which is rather obscure in my country. Writing is the most important to me.
There is nothing wrong with tumblr though I dunno how to make friends there (like everywhere lmfao). I also don't like how personal posts disappear among reblogged content. My other problem is that I feel like I rarely have something new to say on a topic… maybe I am too critical of myself. I find it amazing how people can just share their thoughts or even write overviews of cases.
I guess I would also like to meet friends I could eventually meet irl (though not saying it's impossible on tumblr). I am also confused if I should make tumblr, instagram or something else? How do I make similar weirdo people notice me without being cringy?
I wish I had a vivid personality and could attract people based on that. I wish I felt like a real, multidimentional person. I am so emotionally crippled.
I need to get therapy but as I currently cannot aford it, I am trying to sort myself out to the best of my abilities…
I am sorry anon that you are going through this too. I hope you will find happiness and some good people that will help you get out of your shell at least a bit.
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Obnoxious anon here! I was having a shitty day because you know, I'm still friendless and miserable, but you really made me smile.
You seriously made me realize I shouldn't be the one adapting to anyone else's tastes but find people who can put up with me instead. Thank you so so much anon, I'll keep on shining!
Oh also, funny that you mentioned acting cause I used to take acting classes when I was a kid. Maybe I should pick it up again!
You are not all that different, and making friends isn't all that hard once just one person helps you get past that sensitivity. You will never be a easy going social person to strangers sadly but when you have a person you trust to rely in, you can be vibrant to them and you will feel more confident about other things too.
Nothing you have said is cringy, and you are definitely understandable and relatable. If you can go a single step further and type this stuff on a site which allows you to keep a continuous account, then I'm sure people would listen and chat with you. You're not one dimensional either, we feel like that because we're often too anxious to say stuff in a group and then we internlize we are not interesting. In truth we are more interesting, for better or for worse, than anyone can see but we cannot express it.
A couple years ago I became obsessed with an anime forum (now thats cringy). I thought I couldn't really talk to people about the anime at first, because I didn't know how to like you. So I just wrote jokes and was sarcastic, really juvenile thing but I talked to people alot then. Based on that, I'd recommend something where you can react to what others say rather than write on your own. Based on that, tumblr seems like a good option.
I'd be your friend, but there's no way to share private info on this site. Im sorry. It will get alot easier in the future. It's not hopeless.
I’m so sorry about your grandpa, anon.
I really recommend being around loved ones and friends as much as possible. You and your family will probably need a lot of emotional support and staying together is really one of the best things, if possible.
If you have friends who you’re comfortable with talking about this, please do. It can be good to have people who aren’t directly affected by the loss around, as they can try to distract you more easily.
I hope you receive all the support needed.
I've been through something similar, seeing a grandparent slowly lose their mental faculties and become unrecognizable from the person they were.
Even though they're not the same person, they're still human. Just do your best to love them as they are now. If he doesn't have much time left, if you feel strong enough, spend as much time as you can and love on him. If you can't do that, don't feel bad. It's a lot to ask to hold your own in a situation like that. If the family can get together and support him, that would be best.
Ask another teacher who knows more about your school's culture and whether stuff like that actually gets followed through. Since you're new, if you do too much shit-stirring at the beginning, the school might just reprimand you. Kids are literally retarded and that asshole probably was just doing it for a reaction without knowing the context. Boys in particular are attention-starved beasts with no remorse or logic.
Don't you take classes to know how to deal with disciplining/socializing children as part of your degree? You should know more about this than a random fucker on anon.
I know you're tempted to be angry, but you need to try to be level-headed, firm but not mean. How old is he? That's an important detail off the bat, this behavior could be setting alarm bells if he's a certain age. If you're mean and hard on him you may make the behavior worse and if he's acting out, there might be something wrong with him like ADHD, abuse at home, etc. Some kids are just brats, but not all are. My parents had students who were acting out really badly and it turned out they were doing it to get attention not just because they were bratty, but because they were being severely abused and modeling the behavior or acting out because they didn't know what to do otherwise.
You should make it clear you won't tolerate the behavior because it is interfering with the ability of other students to learn, but also ask why he keeps doing things in class. Make it clear that it's at BEST bordering on sexual harassment and that it's completely unacceptable, so there will be punishment if it continues. The problem is that some students don't care and just want a rise out of you and attention from people, so threat of punishment won't do anything. I think more info would be helpful and definitely talk to another teacher who has had the student before you make any decisions on how to approach this.
maybe check the friend finder thread, or join the lolcow discord? you can guarantee you'll at least be able to talk about cows.
if you're gonna try to find friends on anon boards, take some steps to make sure your discord name doesn't link to IRL. you can make decisions about bringing online to RL later
and probably don't try to make friends on 4chan again, its reputation may be a bit bloated but it's still not a good idea
Uh, 4chan is not a site for having friendly discussions. It's an anonymous site that people mostly use to voice opinions, argue more harshly than they could non-anonymously, or just to mock. And this site is similar to that. Most people are here to vent and not to make friends.
You're probably just too much in a sensitive state of mind right now because of things going on in your life. Did you lose friends or are you in a situation you feel you aren't socially adapting to. Here's my throwaway email if you want to talk: email@example.com of not then hey alot of people feel like you, the best option is to logically decide is it your own headspace making you negative or is it you need better friends and family.
You have to show interest in people first, take the initiative.
you don't have to fill out your name btw
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I've been friends with this one girl for a year now. We hang out a lot and it's fun but we don't have much in common and her interests are a bit juvenile. The longer I know her the more I'm put off by her personality and find myself getting annoyed with her whenever we hang out.
I don't want to make a huge, intricate list but basically I feel like we are on different intellectual wavelengths and she does a lot of things that makes me wonder if she's autistic. She's very awkward and socially anxious, has trouble with empathy and has very little emotional intelligence when it comes to reading people and situations. She reminds me of an alien that's constantly trying to understand humans.
She's not a bad person. She's very nice and considerate, has celebrating birthdays and holidays with me, etc. which is why I feel bad when I think about just dropping her as a friend. I just really can't stomach a lot of parts of her personality sometimes.
There have been a few times where I felt like I could rely on her for emotional support during hard times but she just wasn't there emotionally for me, yet I've seen her get emotional and cry over fictional characters dying. It's stuff like that that really makes me question everything.
What do you guys think?
Just bookmark his page and check it one a week/month or however often he posts art.
You don't need an automatic reminder to keep track.
I've just realized that my childhood best friend is batshit insane and I need advice on how to get her out of my life. Sorry this is long but I need to get it off my chest.
Our friendship is long-distance and I see her only once or twice a year. I invited her over to hang out at my new apartment. She was fully aware that my boyfriend lives with me and things are serious. We had an okay time until my bf got home from work. Instead of saying hi to him like a normal person, she moaned sexually and told him that she wanted to ride a certain actor's face (the actor she referenced looks like my bf). My bf said "okay…" and went to the kitchen to grab a beer. She followed him to the kitchen and started doing sexual yoga poses, bending over, stretching, cracking her back and saying "ooh, that's good" while moaning like a pornstar. She was wearing a crop top and gym shorts hiked all the way up so her butt cheeks were on full display. Then we're all sitting on the couch drinking beer and she's sitting with her legs open with her labia hanging out on the sofa. She's basically daring my bf to look at her labia and she keeps desperately trying to get his attention by talking about how horny she is. She brags about how she blew a bunch of her co-workers and then says she needs a dick in her hole while making a blowjob gesture. My bf and I are CLEARLY uncomfortable but she doesn't notice or care. I try to make mundane small talk by referencing a band that we just saw live, and she responds by saying that the singer's mustache would make a great landing strip for her vag.
She's also creepily obsessed with me. She'll grab my lipstick and start using it, drink from my beverages, eat food off my plate, eat my leftovers, wear my clothes, use my hairbrush/skincare - all this without asking. She stares at me for up to 45 minutes straight while repeating a robotic list of compliments about how cool/cute/quirky I am and how amazing my fashion/style/hair is. She constantly touches me, sits on me, lays on me, or otherwise invades my personal space. In the past I was stupid enough to believe that this was just her way of being friendly, her love language or whatever.
The worst thing is that we parted on good terms so she is still talking to me like nothing happened. I know I should have confronted her when it was happening but I was honestly paralyzed with shock.
TL;DR: my childhood best friend is a histrionic skinwalking creep who tried to seduce my boyfriend in front of me and I need advice on ghosting her/ending the friendship
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Lately my best friend has gotten into the habit of sending me a very long string of snapchat videos of her ranting/venting about everything (she's rather dramatic), and it's starting to really annoy me. Is that fair? We live apart and I love and miss her dearly, but especially this week has been hard for me from just school stresses I feel I hardly have the energy to deal with my own problems, and I know school is hard for her too but lately it just seems the only thing she has to talk to me about is whatever inconvenience happened to her that day. I'd probably be less annoyed if it wasn't so much, but when I say long I mean almost 10 minutes of snap videos (when snapchat allows you to fully record a minute of video at a time). My mom used to say to not let other people's burdens be your burdens, but is this a fair or right way to think, or am I being a bad friend?
How are you guys friends? I just tell me friends to fuck off if they do uncomfortable things around me.
Did this happen suddenly?
Has she always been like this?
Just drop her. And hope she doesn't attempt to kill you cause she sounds psychotic.
>>124492>don't let other people's burdens be your burdens.
Lmao, that's one stone cold mama.
It's not rude to just ignore her when you haven't got time for that. Usually if you wait until the weekends, they've gotten over most of the dramatic part and they can surmise their week into a nice short conversation. But if you engage them every night they're gonna complain every night because you've become their comfy blanket.
It surprises me you describe her as such a good friend when you can't even say in a casual way hey you're spamming me stop. Try being more blunt. Don't abandon a good friend, just draw a line.
>>124550>he dislikes how it makes him look like a pervert
It's an inappropriate age gap regardless of the clothes, maybe he should date a woman his own age?
But controlling what you wear and not letting you enjoy your passions is classic controlling older male behaviour so obviously he's not that concerned.
I honestly never saw it as inappropriate, my mum quite likes him too despite the age gap. I guess since the age of consent is 16 here I never saw it as terrible.
Age gap aside, I guess it is pretty controlling. I've been in abusive
situations before and I'd like to think this is different. But I do see his perspective with this, I do look a lot more childish in lolita.
so he's still a weird alt right nazi animefag, you just don't know if he's trans? girl who cares dump his ass he sounds disgusting either way!>>122667
you sound rly fun anon! i love people like you, the only bad thing is probably interrupting and volume in certain situations. interrupting can be really annoying or even hurtful to quieter people a lot of the time. i'd say just try to listen rly attentively to other people. i think you'll naturally notice the volume they're speaking at and can try to match it, and if you're really paying attention to them you won't be as likely to talk over them
I can't say if she was always like this… This was my first time spending an extended period of time with her in a private setting since childhood. It was her first time ever seeing me in my own place with a serious long-term boyfriend (she has had countless tumultuous relationships that of course all ended badly). She doesn't have her own place and she complained all night about how boring and fat her own boyfriend was, and how he doesn't satisfy her sexually. I think her obsession with me festered into hatred.
I know I need to drop her but I don't know how. I'm scared she'll retaliate if I confront it head-on, but a slow burn ghosting is also risky because she will inevitably bring up the subject of hanging out again… and then I'll have to spit it out anyway.
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you've reached doomer anon
jokes aside,i've felt/been feeling very similar and have been pretty similar to what you describe.maybe you're depressed?it's pretty likely
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im pretty sure i have an ocd type problem, i can't stop picking hairs but i can't use my tweezers daily and i dont have hours to spend! so im using a razor and shave from every direction until i feel nothing even if i end up making cuts. and then the hair begins to grow back, and if i cant shave it smooth i scratch and scratch and squeeze the hairs out like a blackhead to try and emulate. dead skin gets under my nails AND THEN i have to remove all the dead skin off my body. make it all go away oh my god
scabs are developing and my skin hurts everywhere but i im not satisfied. i thought i have like trichotillomania but according to wikipedia body dysmorphic can include these and i have severe body image insecurities.
my legs are turning into pepperoni cheese pizza how do i stop
See a doctor as soon as you can. You need help early on for a life overwhelming disorder like this. Don't wait until its literally destroying your ability to do things. It will get worse and you need to set up a support system. >>124748
What is the greener pastures for man hating politics? I think its tumblr.
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Hey anons, i just want a little advice on this current situation im in, so a long term friend of mine just came out of nowhere and decided to end our friendship. She told me that because i kept sharing drama posts to her and just wanted to talk on one topic only ( just only recently mind you) and drop me like a hot potato while she could have easily said something to change the topic or alert me that she didnt like it…sometimes i just cant read the tone of the chat session so i knew i did something wrong on my part but instead of fixing the situation, she just want me out because i dont understand her like other people did. The day she wrote me that text abt wanting to end our friendship it tore me apart, i felt like someone just stabbed me in my deepest and most vulnerable part of myself…we kinda sort things out but she didnt apologize like i did and brush it of like it was nothing, i knew that there was some unsung tension between us because she kept ignoring my text. I felt abandoned, i cried because of her every night, all the things we did together just went down the drain, bet she felt happy to get rid of a burden like me…Tell me anons, is this friendship still worth fixing and keeping?
You can vent about it, but it’s not gonna hurt you to realise that people find it a bit weird.
Do you understand why she dropped you?
Nta but they didn't say anything about forcing you to have sex? I think what they described is how sometimes you can make it to 20/25 and never masturbate or have sex.. but then as soon as you do it once it can open the floodgates so to speak
I experienced something like that at around twenty, went from thinking I was asexual (as I'd made it to that age with no desire to even masturbate) then once I had my first orgasm and first penetrative experience I could barely go a day without it
I do think some are purely asexual though so not everyone will have a 'sexual awakening' after experiencing it and some won't want to try it, which is cool too
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I'm not sure if this is the appropriate thread to post on, but I don't know where else to ask.
Does anyone know any site where one can learn how to speak the Queen's English? I know there's a lot of websites that teaches you general English grammar and all that, but I'm specifically looking for a site where I can practice speaking in English with real people? I tried to look for English classes in my area, unfortunately I live in a third world hellhole so this option is a no-go. Or is there anyone out there who's willing to be my English speaking buddy to practice English with? My friends avoid speaking English with me and I don't know who else I can practice English language with.
I just want to speak in British accent gosh darnit! It's always been my dream as a kid to be able to speak fluent British English or just English in general because I grew up watching and listening mostly western media.
A definitive 'British Accent' doesn't exist but you can look up videos for 'received pronunciation' (RP for short) which is the universally posh English accent you're looking for, there are lots of videos about that. Elocution is another good keyword. You can also watch a lot of historical British dramas and try imitating some of the lines and playing it back to yourself so that you can listen to what you actually sound like.
If you have spare money you could hire an online English tutor, lots of people do that, but it's unlikely you can find someone to help you with it for free because there's nothing for them to gain doing that.
italki is a website that lets you speak one-on-one with tutors (you pay by the hour IIRC), I'm sure you could specifically seek out British English speakers on there.
And of course, surround yourself with as much British media as possible: shows, podcasts, youtubers, etc. Something I did when practicing my speaking skills in my second language was to watch TV/movies and listen to the actors speak, pause, and then try to repeat what they said exactly. Kinda makes you feel like a crazy person but it's a small help when you don't have native speakers to practice with.
One of my (best?) friends (nearing 30) works in a call center and has since made it his life. Our friendship is now long distance and he‘s such a normie now, but in a bad way. He can be very self righteous. I was talking to him about the creative projects another friend was doing (which I‘m very proud to talk about because he struggles with mental health and productivity) and he kept asking negative questions, focusing on "does he have an actual paid job?", "how does he pay bills?" and stuff. I ask him what bills he himself pays since he lives with his own parents and he said "I pay my taxes :)".
I don‘t know. He used to be this bright, creative star and now when it gets on topics like that he has this sort of small town loser with a superiority complex kind of attitude. And when I try discuss deeper topics as we always used to, he‘ll get back to me with the most generic reaction gifs that I KNOW is how he talks in the work group chats.
Like I want to know how he got this way, and I want to bring him back. It‘s been a slow transition over 3 years I‘ve been away, only losing any conversation of substance in the last year.>>125080
What did you actually do? Either way that‘s really fucked and if you live in that house and can move out, I would. No person would normally physically attack someone unless you killed his dog or something.
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You are being used as a scapegoat by your mom, it’s not that she doesn’t see it or knows how abusive that was she just doesn’t want to be the physical receiver of his abuse anymore
she won’t stand up to him, not for you maybe for herself
>she will deflect everything when you to talk about it
>she’s going to blame it on you not him for not acting like a responsible adult
> she won’t acknowledge her mistakes when you finally wisen up and GTFO
>she WILL defend him until he cracks and hurts her too much (note: as the scapegoat this doesn’t mean she will help you if he hurts you anything to save herself)
You need to understand that you won’t be safe if this escalates both physically and mentally Actual advice
>make sure never to date anyone like him> get out of lolcow and find some resources in your local community (e.g. church groups youth groups social worker women advocate centres or even a library) so you can find affordable therapy sessions have someone to talk to.
And for the love of god don’t repeat the cycle
>>125088>what country are you in? (If you don’t want to say it, it’s abortion legal?) > do you have a good safety net? (Therapy, friends)
If abortion isn’t legal where you are there’s other options online
Choose what’s best for your future and don’t look back
You can be really open with them about it. Explain that you've been having problems with your mental health, you've recognised that you've pushed people away, and now you want to reconnect. Most people will understand your reasoning and probably relate in some way. If they aren't comfortable with that - that's okay. Try again another time. Maybe they're going through some tough times, too.
How do you stop yourself from ghosting? Continue with therapy. Apologise if it happens. Don't let it get months-deep before you try to pick up again. If you keep to a routine, add something social to it every day - even just dropping someone a text or sending them a dumb meme is /something/.>>125218
thanks! I went with a Steelseries Rival 110, for any fellow long-nailed anons wondering.
Sometimes I think something really stupid by reflex and I stop and think, "Oh my god, this is me". I can't deny that I'm a little ditzy by nature, but it's hard to fully accept it. This truth is painful. I'm already known as being ditzy to others, so there's no point in fighting it. Overall, I know that I love knowledge and I try my best to improve, but my desire is to naturally be more normal. I don't know how I can love myself with this obvious flaw. When I was a teen, my therapist even said "so you're a bit ditzy", when I described the situations which preceded the mental abuse I was given from my family (being called retarded). Has anyone else gotten over this? Therapy has identified that I have a negativity schema, I realize that, and I'm doing work to stop believing negative things all of the time.. but realistically, I'm a little bit ditzy. Sometimes I need a second to understand something someone says. Idk how can I be realistic and healthy.
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How do I make new friends? Especially as old as I am (29)? I took a dream job in a new city and now I’m starting to panic because I’m not outgoing and I don’t have outgoing hobbies. What do I do?
better to ask questions when confused than pretend you understand. All else equal, I admire the honesty it takes to admit to yourself and others that you don't know/understand something. Intelligence imo isn't about knowing everything but questioning everything. And stupid thoughts can be the catalyst to invention… or at least a way to find others who share your sense of humour.
Congrats on pursuing therapy, it's hard work!
Depends on what your hobbies are
There's always a way to meet new people regardless of your age–don't let some sort of stigma let you get in the way of meeting new people
Whether it's a club (for hobbies or for dancing), a internet meet up (farmers only I'm sure), or just reaching out to someone who has stuff in common with you while shopping
You kinda just have to be proactive–try making a plan on what you'll do if you see someone who you might want to be friends with and then try to make sure it's not super awkward
for art block, i usually just look at artist pages online. this tends to inspire me enough to close the computer and get out my sketchbook. a helpful thing for me was to just look at some good art and then force myself to get off my ass and draw or sketch something
daily. if ive lost what feels like the swing of things and a lot of skill from not doing work, sketching just a random picture inspired by someones art i saw at least once a day helps me pick up momentum. and another rule: you cant be critical until you know its done. dont let yourself give up. you can even set a reminder on your phone to remind you to keep working after breaks or when you wake up. also try relaxing yourself (maybe put on some music or tv in the background, sit by a window, make some tea or whatever you like to drink) so you arent so tense and judgmental of every line you put to paper. this at least helped me.
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About 2 years ago my family went through something very traumatic and it really messed me up.
I feel like I'm not the same person I used to be anymore I'm more forgetful, reclusive and I have have no motivation anymore. I had to leave my job because of a mental breakdown I just feel like a huge fuck up crybaby so many other people have gone through worse,and here I am barely functioning anymore.
I've gone to therapy, but stopped because I felt like my problem wasn't as severe enough to need it. To any other farmers who have gone through something similar do you guys have any tips?
Thanks if anyone reads this I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I'm really sorry about what you and your family went through, anon. Whatever it was, if it's having such an impact on you, then it's definitely severe enough to warrant seeking therapy again.
Plus, it doesn't really matter if someone has been through worse, because there's always someone who has had a more fucked up life. That doesn't invalidate your feelings or make you weaker by comparison.
You say your problem didn't feel severe enough to need that help but then you say you're barely functioning. If the effect was that severe then that's what matters
I saw two people arguing about who had 'worse childhood trauma' today but trauma is strange like that, some people are hit harder by it, some people have a few smaller traumas and they all eventually add to make the main crisis hit worse.. it's individual. Some are even genetically predisposed to PTSD
They can go without it, they just use sex as a tool of control over their parners. Not all men of course, but if one party has "needs" which don't match the other parties "needs" the solution is to compromise, not force. Of course all these spoilt babies who think partners are personal fucktoys don't like that
Genitals definitely are gross, even highly sexual women would admit that. Sex should
be more than just genital focused.
How do people think genitals are gross? I mean, I understand wanting nothing to do with some random person's genitals or being indifferent to genitals in general, but do people actually think their own and their partner's they claim to love are both disgusting? Is it some sort of trauma?>>125833
You just have to be honest and tell them you want a relationship without sex. Men like that exist, my bf is asexual. However we compromise and he touches/eats me out every once in a while. Although he is one of those asexuals that is indifferent to sex, rather than disgusted. He would be happy in the relationship without anything sexual. You can definitely find someone like that you just have to be honest and upfront.
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I'm finally going to start getting therapy, but my biggest issue is finding the right one
I like looking online to view what people look like, what they specialize in, what their experiences are–just to see if I can at least start out comfortable
I've found 2 that look really good, so it's not the biggest decision, but it's still something I don't know how to proceed with
My main issues are depression, suicidal ideation, and relationship issues and both therapists specialize in those things and multiple things surrounding that.
One lists suicidal ideation as something she works with heavily, but the other one specializes in relationship issues–also deals with LGBT issues so suicide is potentially something she's encountered
I'm just stuck and I'm not sure which one to go with
Depends on who you ask, for me trimmed public hair, not too wrinkly, not too much labia, etc
Vaginas, like all sexual body parts, vary in attractiveness and people have different preferences for them, denying that or claiming anyone who doesn't follow the "ALL vaginas are equally beautiful uwu" thing is underage is just delusion
It's true, there really are naturally ugly vaginas where getting surgery is the only option for love.
It's over for labiacels.
Do not, I repeat, do not sleep with him
Sounds like he has a gf to look good to his family/employer/whoever, while essentially being single.
Also allows him to get close with girls like you as you have a veneer of trust when you're partnered up. Basically, seems predatory and creepy.
I don't know I have seen genitals often enough and they just gross me out it's not something I consciously think about it's just a natural automatic feeling I get
I have a bf right now but he is very sexual he always tries to do stuff and used to watch a bunch of girls nudes on the internet etc but I don't want to break up with him just because we're sexually different and I don't want to touch his dick lol
Try to go if you can, I know from personal experience that the desire to avoid them is always far greater than when you're actually there. You just stand there and you talk about stuff you want to talk about and drink something non-alcoholic. Peace out at your first opportunity and try hard to ignore the voice that makes you want to skip it.
But if you don't go, don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes we just don't feel up to it, we work on ourselves until we can do that stuff again. Good luck anon
A year ago, I realized that my brother had molested my sister for most of her life after my sister came to me about it. I've accepted the horror of it all, I've gone to police, I've talked of it in therapy, ect. but it's the little things that get to me now. My childhold memories feel forever tainted and reimagining parts of my youth becomes so painful when I understand what was really going on. For example, I watched an episode of Clarence, and the ending theme has the lyrics "early to bed, early to rise". The entire show is about childhood nostalgia and the song reminds me of my childhood. There was a time where I always tried to get up early enough to play video games with my brother and sister, but no matter how hard I tried, I was always the last to wake up. Now looking back, I realize that my poor sister was probably being molested during that time. Literally how can I stop that disturbing connection in my mind? How can I shift my focus, or reassociate things? I just skip the ending song when I watch that show but I shouldn't have to. Ideally I'd like for this to not be a thing for me. I don't want to bring it up in therapy as I know my therapist won't know what to say. I've said smaller issues related to memories of my brother/past and she really had nothing to say. I've already unpacked all of the feelings and put my focus onto other things, yet here I am. I don't want to make a big deal out of anything, but if anyone has moved on or dealt with stuff like this please share any advice. I just struggle with shutting down my brain, I guess?
Imagine your brain as a forest with no set path. You make the pathways as you reach certain points.
You've reached a part of the forest with no set path again and have made your own way, but its not the way you want to go. You keep going in circles and keep going down the same pathway you don't want to tread. Each time you reach that entrance, you have to change the path. Each time your thoughts go that way, catch it and think something else-whatever works for you. You might end up back on that unwanted path from time to time, but eventually you'll get on a path you prefer as you continue on.
Also, I recommend really really opening up to your therapist. No ifs, ands, or buts. If it doesn't go the way you're hoping or expecting, if you keep your mind open you'll come to a solution of some sort anyways.
So I made some new friends and unfortunately a guy from this friends group told me that he has/had a crush on me. He's not my type at all because he's fat, ugly, has a lot of debt, has no job, lives in trailer and gives all his money away for pop, alcohol, fast food and video games.
Since then I tried my best to ignore his stinky ass and now he writes with my best friend and told me that he's sorry that he is no longer in love with me lol. Now he's is in love with my best friend and she is into him too apparently. I am extremely shocked that she's so desperate and totally okay with his disgusting behaviour. I told her that he's not a good catch and she could do 1000 times better than him. Then she told me that I am superficial, egoistical, jealous psychopath and that I don't understand him at all. His whole family is so mean and they are all alcoholics, so he had a real hard life. He's a drinks alcohol every day too but she thinks that it's normal. She also sends him regularly money, so he can buy food.
What should I do? Should I let my best friend go, so she can destroy her own life?
>>126031>my boobs are big from the front but small from the side>in need of input
Can you elaborate? Do you mean they are large but they don't project forward very far?
What kind of answers are you looking for? Anon you don't need to put your titties in a box with a label!!>>126117
I don't have an answer but I 10000% relate to every word you typed; you captured the experience well. I wonder if it's PMDD all the time but when I look up other women's experiences getting diagnosed and treated for it I just feel exhausted immediately because the medical world seems to think PMDD is a meme. It feels crazier each month too, bc I become more aware of it with each passing cycle but I still can't help myself, if that makes any sense. I hope other anons have some advice bc wew. Other solutions I have seen are along the lines of taking xanax and weed for the offending duration of time. I already smoke weed and taking Xanax for a week per month for the forseeable future seems too risky. I'm with you though.
Anon I totally get it I was >>126112
& I'm sorry if I came off harsh, I know it sucks girl. My honest advice is if that is what's gonna happen you should look into finding friends outside of her. Idk about y'alls relationship but my bestfriend & I were two peas in a pod (to the point where we'd talk about getting married lmao) and at first it was very lonely because all my friends had been through her. I didn't even want to vent to my friends about her because I worried about it getting back to her because they all seem to like her more than me.
BUT I started hanging with some people I had really only partied with before and we've turned into a bad ass squad. Those friends have really become my saving grace. It's really great to have friends who don't constantly ask about your bestfriend and honestly enjoy just your company. It really was like a breakup almost, the depression of losing a long friendship and losing the friend group the two of you made together. Go get your groove on with some new people and see how it works out for you anon. Losing your bestfriend may end up being positive in your life, I've really never had better friends before them. Keep moving on in your life & focus on new ventures, I wish you the best of luck girl!
I don't think so. I'm not in contact with that side of the family much, and I think they know I especially don't want to hear about him. There was no "proof" aside from our experiences. We reported his behaviors to police and idk what ever happened. At least we may offer credibility to any other victims
who step forward in the future.
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I was talking to a guy at work in the breakroom and he gave me this free drink since I had no water. Then as I was leaving he asked me if we wanted to keep talking and gestured toward his phone but I said “I gotta think about it sorry” and walked out as a way to say no. Then I started feeling guilty so I gave him my discord (lol). But I feel like a disgusting person because I have a bf so I feel like I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have given another male my contact information? I feel so guilty that I have anxiety and it’s making me sick. Am I overreacting?? I haven’t added the guy back yet. Help me. Am I a bad person?
>>126136> what kind of psycho jealous boyfriend do you have if you're this worked up over literally nothing.
It has nothing to do with my bf, he’s not abusive
or anything. I just have OCD and I’ve really latched onto the idea of being loyal so anything I do that strays away from that idea sends me into a panic. Even if I find another guy cute I feel guilty> you know perfectly well you didn't have bad intentions.
I know I didn’t have bad intentions but when a guy asks for a girl’s contact information it usually means he’s making advances toward her so I should’ve known not to do what I did. I just feel like I made a horrible decision> Don't accept his friend request if it makes you that uncomfortable
I’m worried he’d bring up the fact that I didn’t accept it and it would be awkward. I feel like a fucking idiot
When I was 14, I was typical lonely bullied kid and my mum had just died so of course I went online to find friends and, of course, older men took advantage of me. I met my first boyfriend online and he was a textbook emotional abuser. He acts and looks exactly like The Onion.
Around my birthday this year, he contacted me again and wrote letters about how sorry he was and how he'll never give up on me etc. I don't really care about what he said and I don't hold feelings other than disgust for him anymore, but I'm very afraid of cutting him out of my life for good.
We don't talk that often, but I'm extremely afraid of him having children or hurting more young girls like he did to me, so I don't want to cut him off. In many ways, I feel like he's my responsibility. He hurt me, so it's my duty to not let him hurt anyone else. At the same time, I truly hate him and wish nothing but the worse for him. I think that if I can keep his obsession with me active, then I can prevent other girls from being hurt. I don't know what to do or if I'm even explaining this right. I don't know if to cut him off or keep him in my life. I can't report him because I don't have any proof of what he did to me anymore. I really just want him to die, if I'm being honest. What do you think, anons? Am I stupid for keeping in contact with him? I don't know what he'll do if I don't.
I think camgirls/camguys are the safest bet if it needs
to be real people.
But as far as imagination goes…why not just make up some characters and get off to them? There's no need for you to be in your fantasy at all, if that's the issue. Coming from a fellow lonely bitch btw.
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I met a guy online who is from the same town as me and we have a lot in common. I told him I'm not looking for anything so we kind of decided to be friends, expect the dude keeps talking AT me instead of to me. I love video games but I really don't give a shit about x or y game. He's only 2 years younger but talks like a 15 year old.
How do I ghost him "politely"? Do I let just the conversation die? I kind of feel bad for him.
I think you're right. I'll let her know that it's okay to extend the invite.
The offhand joke actually sounds like a perfect compromise, thanks anon!
you sound paranoid. he stole one thing as a teenager and you decided he
couldn’t be trusted for the rest of his life? anyone could have taken the skateboard deck. if he’s a serial thief more stuff would have disappeared in the past decade. if you think he’s an amoral thief who can’t be trusted you should tell your friend about it, though it sounds like you subconsciously know how ridiculous you sound. it’s okay to simply not like someone, even if they’re your dear friend’s family member. you don’t have to invite him to anything, but don’t pretend it’s because he’s a danger to the public.
>>126241>if he’s a serial thief more stuff would have disappeared in the past decade.
How? I never saw him after moving out of that house 5 years ago. In the other 3 years of the 'decade' you're referring to, well, stuff did
Although I agree that almost 10 years is a long time for me to hold onto something like that, especially to the detriment of my relationship with his sister. I think that's why I felt conflicted enough to ask. I don't gotta like the guy, you're right.
Nope, if you stink down there and still expected to be go down on you're inconsiderate of your partner so why should they be considerate of you?
Some women just have bad vag days though but if it's a reoccurring thing you should change your diet or learn to shower
First time- DVD- Found the Blockbuster sticker with the name and part number stuck to their garage floor after my copy went missing. Side note I worked at Blockbuster and that was one of my free employee rentals that he stole.
Second time- pipe- everyone knew this pipe was mine and someone told me he had given it to his gf or something and saw her with it. Friend who told me this info was surprised when I said I didn't give it away since he had it openly.
Third time- skateboard- no proof, only that he was hanging around in the days when we were moving out and it disappeared and that we had a theif in our midst anyway so it was most likely him who took it.
I stopped trusting him after the pipe incident. That's why I think he took the skateboard too. My dear friend also most definitely knows the truth, I'm just saying. It's complicated with them bc they also fucked us over hard for rent money while in that house so it's already a tense situation. It was rectified monetarily (eventually) but we only recently became cool again, maybe 2 years ago, because of what happened with the rent money. But dear friend and her boyfriend are very old friends so we forgave the money thing… and to give more context, I have many many good times with dear friend and her bf.
Fwiw my mom said she doesn't care and to invite him. Which I did but now I'm like fuck I can't just lie down and take this can I? But again this stuff is old news.
Samefag but how would I even confront my friend with this flimsy unreliable memory? The details of the incidents are fuzzy but the conclusions that I made at the time are not. And this is how slimy fucks like Brother operate.
I wonder if I should talk with her face to face and tell her what I remember and that I'm concerned. Ugh this is fucking stupid I can't tell if I'm being ridiculous or if I should stand up for myself? Does it even matter?
Then I apologize for calling you paranoid. Now that you explained it, your disdain sounds much more grounded.
I'd still advice against inviting him, but you already did, so, uhm… For the future: let your friend know that, while you don't hate her brother, he’s not your
friend. Why did your friend ask if he and his gf
could come in the first place? Is he lonely? Does she think you like him?
I would strongly advice against making passive aggressive remarks. It only makes you look petty and small in the eyes of your friend and others, even though you're right (see my initial reaction). Either address it head on or let it go for that particular night.
The best moment to address it would be if something happens again. Talking to her face to face is also a good option, though more difficult for you for the reasons you mentioned. Could go either way tbh.
Thanks for the advice. I think I'm just going to let sleeping dogs lie.
The reason she asked if he and his gf could come is bc my mom/her house/my family is and always has been a central part of our friend group. We've been close for a very long time and now we're all starting to have kids and stuff so she wants her brother included again in the friendfamily activities.
Agreed that I shouldn't be passive agressive and I'll take the opportunity to speak on it if it presents itself (ahem) but otherwise I'll keep it zipped.
Also I want to mention I don't really know what his reputation is at this point. Also since my dear friend probably knows what her brother has done I'm a little miffed that she had the balls to ask. But when I picture the convo with her where I accuse her brother of stealing with flimsy memories to back it up… I can't see it going well.
Thanks again for your input.
She enjoys the attention she gets and knowing she has other options out there.
And regarding her refusal to shut down people who approach her romantically, she is basically saying "I care more about what other people think of me than what _you_ think of me, Anon."
You have told her several time that this hurts you. Doesn't sound like such a nice person to me. I suggest you reconsider how important this woman is to you. Because I guarantee you don't mean that much to her.
This is shitty as fuck and you desrrve better. Good partners don't pull this type of absolute scummy bullshit. She's trash anon, I'm sorry she's hurting you and not really giving a fuck.
Cheating isn't just touching someone physically. You're really just one of multiple people who stroke your gf's ego in both sexual and nonsexual ways. She knows it's fucked up, too. Why else would she actively lie and omit it every day from you for months?
Probably a lot of relationships do work that way, but yours isn't one of them if you're bothered by this type of behavior. Personally I wouldn't go near someone like that with a 20 foot pole. Sorry anon, that really sucks…
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i feel like a child compared to some people. i'm 26 but have never been in a ltr… or any real relationship. i've pushed away any guy that's ever shown interest in me in my pursuit of schooling and pointless "hobbies." have i missed out on much? i've spent the first 6 years of my 20s a depressed wreck pushing myself through undergrad and grad school. have i "wasted my youth on"… nobody?
i'm too lazy to date, have too low of a sex drive, am too insecure about my appearance, so i don't think it would've gone well if i tried. should i even bother at this point? i guess it would be nice to not feel so lonely but is it even worth it to put myself through the possible heartbreak?sometimes i daydream about what it'd be like to have someone to hold and it seems nice, but the possibility of being used and abused/strung along while i search for that seems kind of scary.
unless i can find someone who wants to be my bff+lover instead of only using me as a living fleshlight, i think i might opt out.
Ha, i'm the exact opposite. I actually wish i would spend time with narcissistic partner because then i wouldn't feel any pressure to talk about myself because i'm hopelessly dull and boring.
I can carry a conversation easily, so long as it revolves around anyone or anything else but me. I used to talk to people for hours not saying much about myself at all, just indulging in their life and fantasizing how more interesting they are compared to me. My conversations almost feel like interviews sometimes lol. When discussions are topical, i can express my opinions, but even then these opinions have to go through several filters in my head where i analyze whether the thing i'm going to say is socially acceptable, non-controversial and won't damage my "reputation". I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
OP of >>126291
here with an update.
After reading all the advice you guys gave me, I came to the conclusion that this relationship isn't working anymore (duh) and it hurts a fuckton, because 3 years of memories just simply went down the drain, but I'm willing to move on for myself and my health.
I confronted my girlfriend about it and told her about the "emotional cheating" thing and at first she started yelling at me and accused me of manipulating/gaslighting her and making that incident out to be the worst thing ever, but after she calmed down she agreed that it'd be better if we just break up. Not gonna lie, I expected her to fight for us and beg me not to leave her, not for her to accuse me of lying and then easily agree on ending things finally. I think that anon who said I don't probably mean that much to her was right.
She sent me a long text a few hours ago where she's apologizing and kind of "crytyping" and then told me that it'd be better if we act like strangers from now on. It really hurts a lot and I'm trying to swallow all the negative emotions down, because I'm scared of falling back to my old destructive habits, but I think I'll be okay. Tomorrow she's coming to my place to pick her things up.
Thank you again.
Hey, good for you. I know it hurts now, but seriously, this kind of shit in a relationship couldn't have really continued anymore. I say better deal with it now, than a few years later when you would eventually find out she's been doing a lot more than just "emotionally" cheat on you.
Now you have a chance to find someone better for you. As far as i'm concerned, you're on a right track.
I felt quite mean when I put it so bluntly in my reply to you, but I am glad that I could help you.
It probably sounds weird and painful right now, but once you have had some time to come to terms with the relationship being over you can choose to keep the good memories from those three years and forget the rest.
I did that when I broke up with a long term partner. After accepting that it wouldn't be us until the end of time I picked out the good times to remember and moved on with my life. No point in walking away with the opinion that those years were all a complete waste.
You have the rest of your life ahead of you now, Anon. Make the best of it.
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How do you get a clingy boy to give you some space without being a bitch about it? I like him but I'm not totally attracted to him and I'm starting to find his daily texting and planning off-putting.
I don't have the answer for you but some of the generic stuff for getting over relationships will still work such as staying busy, writing down why you miss certain things so you can separate the things you miss from the person, and finding a new person to fixate on.
Like you said yourself, I wish it wasn't so hard to find stuff online about anything that isn't a romantic relationship. I always Google things to do with friendship and even after excluding phrases and all the other search result tricks it seems like there is never anything relevant out there.
I forgot to mention in my first post that I'll be paying out of pocket. I can only get covered appointments through my insurance's network, which means one appointment every 3-6 months if I'm lucky
I have used Psychology Today's therapist finder in the past, it's so great. Thanks for the extra tips, I have newfound confidence in the hunt now!
On the off chance she isn't already fucking him, she's using him for validation and as a backup plan.
Girls don't let guys keep flirting with them and sending pics because she's "too nice to say stop". She loves it. Wake up dude.
Don't break up with someone you love for no good reason, and stop being a martyr with this 'I'm not good enough' bullshit. That's up to him to decide, not you.
Instead of taking the easy way out and giving up the moment things are hard, work on yourself until you feel good enough. I mean, feeling awkward at a party where you don't know many people is so fucking normal and reasonable that chances are you're overreacting to begin with, but if you need to improve your social skills then put some effort in. If you love him you should at least try.
hard agree. the only thing that bugs me is the "you made me look bad in front of my friends" part. it makes it sound like he wants her to be more social to fit a certain image, not because he wants to help her improve herself.
everything else the anon said about the bf contradicts this, so maybe it's just a flippant remark that's kinda meh, but nothing to worry about. idk.
Wtf could an old man possibly want with a young girl he doesn't know except to be a creep with her? He is probably NOT just a nice old man, if that was the case he wouldn't have asked you to coffee, asked for your name, or friend requested you. If it was just a casual conversation that would be one thing, but the attempts at escalating it to being alone and talking privately are obviously him hitting on you.
You don't owe him shit and it's his fault for having no comprehension of boundaries.
You probably shouldn't have told him you were too busy (just say no thank you next time, you don't owe anyone an explanation) but that can't be helped now.>>126988
is right. An old man has no bussiness with a stranger young girl unless he has bad intensions (or dementia and doesn't recognize boundaries anymore).
I wouldn't be surprised if he knows exactly what he's doing by letting you think he's a poor old man with no social contacts. Age doesn't make a man any less dirty.
Thanks anons, now I don't feel as bad about it anymore.
I guess my problem is that I tend to see old granpas as completely non-sexual (and therefore non-creepy) beings, which is not the case because in the end they're still men.
Single and 28 reporting; it's actually fairly common to find single and never married men. If you're willing to date a couple years younger, most men in the 24-26 age range aren't that much different maturity wise and are perfectly fine to date. Don't beat yourself up and tell yourself you're too old, you're not. Don't buy into memes. Don't date some old geezer who'd LOVE to have a woman in her 20s on his arm because you've convinced yourself that you can't have someone in your age group or younger.
But be careful because a lot of men in their 20s don't like to advertise that they're fathers. I've swiped on someone only to discover that there's a picture of their kid buried in their photos.
Don't fuck with men with kids. It's unfair to you. Let them worry about Brady Bunching their asses with another woman who has kids of her own.
Also, at 26/27 it's really not an issue. I could see why a woman in her mid-thirties might feel this way, even though I'd still think it's mostly in her head. In your case though… 26 is still young. I know a lot of people who found their significant other in their late 20s & early 30s.
Thank you. This is my first break up, so it's really confusing for me and I feel hopeless. Like, I feel if I don't find a quality guy right now, I never will. Only old bums will be left as I get older. My abusive
relationship ruined the idea of true love for me. Maybe it doesn't exist and I'll never find someone who is the right fit for me. Maybe all men are like my ex and will crush me until I have nothing left, then leave me. I feel really stupid for believing an abusive
person was my soul mate. I put up with so much because I wanted to cling to that belief so bad. I used to get so much enjoyment from reading romantic stories. They were one of the few things that could make me happy. Now the thought of reading makes me depressed.
I feel like I'm going to die alone.
idk if my approach is helpful to anyone else, but ever since my first real break up I've been looking for a partner
instead of a soulmate. I want to be with someone who shares my values and aspirations so that we can set and reach our goals as a team. I feel like that's more realistic than unconditional love and total understanding.
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So I think I had a spontaneous miscarriage while at work today. I have the Mirena IUD and haven't had a regular period in about three years. When I do get my 'period' it's usually just light spotting and some cramps. At some point right before close I had to go to the bathroom. I sat there for a little bit because nothing was coming out and then suddenly I got really painful cramps for about 10 seconds, then felt relieved. When I went to wipe I realized that the bowl was covered in blood with what looked like a huge clot in the bottom of the bowl. I just flushed it because I was so in shock and not sure what to make of it. I've never had a huge and spontaneous period like that, and it's been a few hours with almost no more bleeding. It's even more of a shock for me because if it was a miscarriage, I had no idea I was even pregnant.
I'm going to Planned Parenthood tomorrow to see if they can confirm/make sure everything is okay. I just wanted to hear other anons' experiences, especially with how theirs happened and how they dealt with it afterwards. I already told my boyfriend because I felt like he deserved to know, and while he was very sweet and supportive I would like some advice on how to move forward from this together.
For the past few months, I feel like my mental health has been falling apart on a rapid fucking pace. It even got so bad I self harmed for the first time in my life.
The thing is, there is not a way possible to me to get any help for my mental problems right now. I live in Pakistan and I'm 18. Mental health here is almost non existant and I've got no friends to I could share my thoughts or feelinga with. I have a really close cousin who is studying psychology who always offers to help but the things I've done I would not like her to know.
I went through a really depressive episode a few months back and got so lonely and felt so alone I started seeking validation on the internet. And the men I did meet and talked to were only looking for one thing. And I did provide it, ehhh. So, I started sending random men nudes of myself and videos of me doing things they asked and it felt so good at first. All that praise. But I've stopped doing that now. No more camming or anything. But now, during those times, I made a few 'friends', all of them are men 10 years or so older than me. And I feel way too overwhelmed by them. I want to remove them from my life. One of them is getting way too into it. I mean, like making plans of meeting me next year and saying I love you, every day. I don't know. He also lied to me about his age, but I forgave him. He is 30. I want to block him and the other 2 men and move on with my life. Because these past few months I have done absolutely nothing. I usd to enjoy reading and painting and studying and I have not done any of these things at all. I feel no motivation, no joy. Just sitting in the same place, either doing noting or texting these men. And even when I try to talk about any other thing they always twist it in a sexual direction and I just go along with it. But I don't want to. I want to put an end and start again. I've been in this rut for so long.
Also, one of these dudes I actually just lost my vitginity to. And since I'm in fucking Pakistan, I can't really tell anyone about it at all. He is very nice. We don't even talk that much so I'm fine with hooking up with him once in a while. But still I want to move on and start afresh and focus on myself and my future and studies.
I want to know what you think I should do? Just block all of these people? What if I start feeling lonely again?
Should I tell them thatc they are affecting my health adversely? And that I would like to talk less? But I don't want to hurt any of their feelings.
One dude I've been talking to, the 30 year old, I told him I hooked up with someone and he said so many mean things, didn't talk for a day. And he actually made me cut myself because of what he said and stuff. And I felt like I betrayed him. When really, he and I are not in any relationship. He gets upset at every thought I express. I said I wanted to wear revealijg clothes and stuff and he got upset at that and said some really rude things. I said I wanted to drink with friends someday and he got upset at that. Etc. And everytime I beg him sorry. Apologize so much. It's so draining talking to him.
I'm sorry I just ranted without any clesr direction. I'm just so frustrated and angry with myself for getting into this.
What would be you ladies advice for a dumbass like me?
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I mentioned this in the vent thread yesterday but I think I actually need advice.
I think I have epilepsy, and I think I've had it since I was very small. I currently have a diagnosis of Depersonalisation Disorder, PTSD, and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and although I think these are accurate I think they've been masking and also exacerbating the epilepsy. I made a chart of the different symptoms of focal onset aware seizures and nocturnal seizures that I experience, and cross-referenced them against DPD, PTSD, and GAD, and many of the symptoms can't be explained by my mental health diagnosis.
My fiancé and my mother both agree that epilepsy makes sense, but I have a bad history with doctors dismissing my concerns, and I'm worried that if I sound too knowledgeable about my symptoms I'll be treated like a hypochondriac who needs to stop browsing the web. However, if I act less knowledgeable I'm worried I'll be dismissed anyway.
Should I bring my stupid little symptoms/history chart with me so I don't forget anything, or will that make me look insane? What if I get an EEG and it comes back clear (which happens a lot w/ focal seizures) and I'm treated like a hypochondriac instead of someone who wasn't lucky enough to have a seizure during the test? Would I still be given medication, or would I have to keep living with debilitating symptoms and accept that I'll never get better?
If a doctor refuses to take you seriously, do whatever you can do get second, third etc opinions.
Epilepsy is pretty serious, and it’s not hypochondria to want a couple of tests when you’re exhibiting symptoms. Don’t be afraid to insist you’re concerned and feel tests are necessary.
I have both partial and complex seizures (the partial ones for ten years without knowing they were seizures, and complex ones more recently) and it's not epilepsy, they're actually caused by stress/trauma.
So yours might be caused by emotional/mental stresses or even ptsd if you have it, just to keep in mind.
I take medication to stop the full seizures but ultimately I'll have to see a psychiatrist and therapist to try to stop them.
Yes, there is a point in going by yourself! No distractions or pressure. You can just focus on the musician you want to see all by yourself, no having to worry about finding room in the crowd for 2 or more people. Also, you can check out everything else at your own pace.
I've gone to plenty of fests alone and it's been nothing but more pros than cons. I'm usually more careful with my money by myself so that's a big plus.
so i've been questioning my sexuality. i've been defining myself as bisexual for a few years but i hadn't had any experiences (or i thought i hadn't–i'll come to that later) so i'd been doubting myself whether i really was attracted to girls at the same level as guys. then recently, i've been thinking more and more about my attractions.
in my childhood i didn't know of bisexuality, only gays and straights. i knew i had sexual thoughts about women but thought "but i'm attracted to guys, i can't be a lesbian!" so i pushed it all down. but looking back, my first kiss was with a girl in first grade, and i categorized all my feelings toward women as perversion and was ashamed of them. but i definitely had a crush on at least two girls. one of those i realized i had it just recently, a long lost high-school friendship. i thought i saw her the other day when i was walking outside, and my heart skipped a beat. i remembered getting drunk together and asking her to kiss me (she didn't). we were always close friends before falling out, and i always had love for her in my heart. i still do.
i didn't have any experience with girls because right after i came out as bi i met my last boyfriend, which i broke up with a few months ago, and the relationship lasted 3 years. now i'm seeing this girl, she's really intelligent and we have fun together but nothing sexual happened yet.
when i masturbate, i either watch female solo masturbation, and (this is really embarrassing) i really like female genitalia because i focus on it. or i fantasize about a made-up dude, almost always fictional or the like. but i don't fantasize about beautiful women? like i know some lesbians and bi girls fantasize about hot celebrities sexually but i can't… do that? like i don't know how to place myself in that scenario. the scenes i imagine with men always stem from shows, movies or books i watched. i know, i had a pretty disappointing sexual life for someone who's 25.
recently, i realized i really, really don't want to be in a relationship with a man. i realized this because whenever i fancy a dude, it's a fancy like "shut up, i don't care who you are, let's just fuck". men, for me, even though they can be cute they're too fussy and dumb. i can't imagine a man giving me what i need emotionally at this point. but a relationship with a woman… it's like a happy dream. i wish i had that. i wish i was that person.
so i got to thinking, maybe i'm attracted to men sexually and because i have experience in that area my fantasies lean onto that, but i'm attracted to women sexually and emotionally but i'm not able to write lengthy eroticas in my mind about women (even though i read them) because i literally have no idea how having sex with a girl works? i just know i like vaginas? but i'm sure i'd much much rather be with a woman emotionally.
am i a fake bisexual? does attraction to men and women feel and work the same for bi people? please teach me bisexual anons.
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Probably a stupid as shit question to ask here because most farmers seem to be really anti tattoo, but how bad would a tattoo in this spot age?
Like when I have children one day and my tits will look like deflated balloons, will a tattoo in this spot just be a blurred mess?
Id be more worried about a tattoo that has really fine lines like that one, as that will be a blurred mess regardless of location.
do you have a picture of the kind you might get? some tattoos are much more forgiving when it comes to longevity
regardless, id say move it down onto the ribs. its a safer bet and imo more aesthetic
I've been wanting a large back tattoo for years, how badly will that age? And how will weight gain/loss affect it?
Again, it depends entirely on the style you go for. More modern styles - water colour, fine line etc tend to age like dog shit. More traditional styles hold better - bold will hold, as they say. Regarding the back, it depends on whether you expose that skin to the sun, whether you properly use sun lotion and other variables like that. Generally, they hold amazingly well, as backs normally aren't on show, but as mentioned above, there are some things which will cause it to break down.
The weight thing - it depends entirely on how big you are when you got it, to how small you end up being, and the opposite way around. Any small fluctuation in weight wont change it, it also depends where on your back you get it - fattier areas may not age as well as opposed to say the shoulder blade, small of the back.
It's just common sense, really.
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Can’t really post the exact thing I want bc privacy but its from the same artist as pic related and its basically a very simplistic house and a tree. I want it to be as small as possible and the artists said she could do 3-4 cm.
This is my first tattoo and I’m scared a small tattoo like that is going to look lost as fuck on the rips but I also dont wanna make it too big because I’m just kinds getting it as a remainder to myself. I liked the placement in >>127581
because you can’t see it at all unless you get naked and that’s kinda cool.
I got my first proper bf at 15 and we ended up engaged and stayed together until I was about to turn 24 and I noped out. He was my fisst in most things but he was very abusive
. We were suppose to get married, the only time we went to check out a venue I had a mental breakdown in front of my mum and stepdad and his parents were eyeing me crazy. Think we stayed together a few more months after that but was clear I was unhappy lol.
I was scared of dating at 24 and being essentially a dating virgin. I had been in a relationship since 15 and all my friends were being smart and staying single. They didn't even bother bringing me out to bars and clubs because my older bf wouldn't let me etc so I felt stagnated in some respects.
I ended up meeting a guy who I'm still with and he was what I would have described at 15 as a 'man-whore'. I still get jealous of how many people he's been with it. He's been drunk at parties and I've overheard his mates talking about past girls they've dated and I've heard some things I wish I hadn't. I've even had to be in the same room as some of his past hook ups and trying to hide my emotions from playing up. You just have to remember you are never forcing people to be with you. If they were unhappy and didn't want to be with you they wouldn't be. Sometimes I even give myself a pep talk on my bad days dealing with it and reminding myself "hey, he's definitely been out there looking and x amount of years later he's still here with you. Guess that means he likes you?"
Id hate someone to hold my past against me, and even tho it's really hard you just have to focus on how a person is treating you. Comparing yourself against others isn't good. I remember the first year I was with my bf I had built up this image of his ex and would check her public blogs and compare engagement against something as daft as one insta photo or a status on fb. It's so dumb and pointless. The only thing I can think that's good about a guy with experience is that he is decent in bed, which is exactly the reason he told me men like mature women. Hopefully you can also get the good sex and loyalty of a man.
Oh anon I went through the same thing, it was a huge mistake. We only dated for a few months and had basically no physical intimacy, it sucked for both of us and he resented me for a long time after. And I actually genuinely loved the guy, just not sexually.
You're at a university, there has got to be tons of cute gay or bisexual women even if they're underrepresented.
There’s literally no one in this world that can live your life but you.
Everyone else will step on you for what they want
It’s up to you if you want to be a rug to everyone else or stand your ground (without necessarily being an asshole)
My father's side and my father in particular have been abusive towards me and my sister throughout our lives. When I graduated high school, I didn't want my dad to attend the ceremony because he gets scary at emotional events.. and he was part of the reason why I struggled to graduate. It's noteworthy that he never did anything to support me throughout my childhood, financially, emotionally, or otherwise. So I only gave tickets to my grandma and grandpa. My grandma said she would give her ticket to my dad instead because he should be there. I told her not to come then because I had been staying away from my dad on purpose. He called me before I went and berated me and made me cry. I "let him come" to prevent further conflict… Instead of being happy I was anxious about interacting with my dad. He gave me a shitty card and gift (that clearly came from my grandma's closet) and it was very weird.
Anyway, now I'm going to be graduating college and, again, he has done nothing to help and in fact has made it harder. I don't want to invite him again. And like before, I want to invite my grandparents. Should I not even bother inviting them this time? Why does it gotta be like this. I don't want them to die and not see something like this. However, I don't want my dad involved. If I don't invite them, will such a decision haunt me? Ultimately graduation should be about my wants. But I don't want to break my grandpa's heart. Advice?
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I've never had any body image issues but since leaving home I think I've developed an eating disorder. My appetite has gone completely out of wack and I saw a lot of my habits being mentioned on here as common ana-chan techniques but like… I'm not trying to lose weight? I've always been a bit thin but I literally have never cared about what I look like. I've looked it up online and all the helpsheets for diagnosing EDs mention hating your body or vomiting but I don't do any of that stuff so maybe I'm fine?
Basically, is it possible that I might have fallen into having an eating disorder despite not trying to lose weight?
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If you simply don't have appetite its not an eating disorder but more of a physical thing, they key factor of eating disorders is the mental thing, not exactly your habits.
You should probably check with the doctor to see if you don't have any underlying issues that could cause lack of appetite, i started taking supplements for lack of vitamins (i don't eat meat soo) and my appetite skyrocket and i gained a few pounds lmao
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anon, your situation sounds absolutely dreadful and I'm so sorry you have to go through these worries and fear and guilt when you could celebrate your well-earned graduation happily.
If it's an option to get your grandparents to understand that they cannot pass the ticket on and that you want them and only them there and that it matters to you and that you want to give them that, too, then it could be worth a try. If it doesn't cause trouble to talk about that, maybe before sending or giving the ticket tell them about the "conditions", that could work. Really hammer it in how important it actually is to you that they can have this. Get real cheesy if you have to and say your dad hated the last graduation.
Otherwise before your dad ends up there and causes you more pain, if the risk is high, then I wouldn't invite them. Do you spend time with them? You can make tons of nice, meaningful memories with them and give them something outside of graduation festivities for sure.
I'd say, before anything, take your needs into account and don't feel guilty about drawing boundaries, to make precautions and keeping your dad out of this even if it costs your grandparents this event. That's not on you, that's on effed up family dynamics.
Also consider this: If you inviting your grandparents could lead to an awful day with your dad for you, that wouldn't be all that wholesome and meaningful for them either.
Anyways, congrats and take care!
Yeah… don't tell them. It sounds like they don't understand (or don't want to understand) how badly your father has affected you, and would most likely give him your ticket again. Some people just don't want to admit that they made a situation worse, or decide that family is family and you'll learn to stop being silly and love your dad if he screams at you for long enough (it's love!!!).
It's a shit situation to be in. I hope things get better, anon.
Fucking hell, no wonder you're miserable. Idk if blocking them is the best thing to do- they can do some serious damage to you with the information they have on you, so stepping back might be best. You had sex with at least one of them, so I assume they know where you live (maybe not a specific address, but the general area), which makes it easy for them to track you down. Can you say that you're having issues with your phone or that you're visiting family in the countryside and won't get signal? It'll give you some breathing space. Or say that your parents want you to start looking for work, want you to study, anything that will give you a reason to slowly but surely lose contact with them.
And grow a backbone. It's harsh, but that is what you need to do before anything gets better. There are online articles that you can read to help you stop being a depressed doormat, and exercises you can do when you find yourself falling back on old patterns (like cutting your clothes because a pedo was mean to you, etc). Feel free to vent here if telling real people about your struggles/progress/mental health is impossible.
And stop running to these shitstains for validation. Find other people to talk to. Stop telling people personal information and don't send photos.
Finally- get a job, save up, and vanish off the face of the earth until you can function without attention and approval from others. Go travel, learn new languages (your English is really good btw), learn new skills. Stop feeling sorry for the predators making your life worse. Cut contact with anyone who wants to control you (once it's safe to do so, obviously), learn to love your own company so you don't feel the need to run to your old 'friends'. Play online games if you need attention and friendship that badly.
You're going to get better, but you need to learn to do it alone.
>>128118>am i delusional for thinking i can make $3000 a month from my art with the right dedication? It's not impossible but it's unlikely>what steps should i be taking so i can tell my whole family to go fuck the selves???
Move out, like you plan to
You say you're already working full time and paying bills, so just keep at it until you can get your own place and then you can spend your free time doing whatever art related thing you want. You seem to have problems making sensible financial choices, so I think it's best for you to just focus on getting a stable life that allows for you to enjoy art as a hobby without it being life or death if you make a bad call. Art isn't a stable income, many of the best pros still keep part-time jobs to help prop themselves up.
I usually cook or sew something(cushion covers, a new set of oven mitts, garment bag for when she’s travelling etc) for my MIL using her favourite foods or colours and for FIL I just chuck in what I can afford with husbands siblings for whatever tools he’s after.
First year I just bought them wine cause they like it. Do they drink? Buy a bottle of what they drink if it’s not crazy expensive. A low maintenance houseplant could be okay if they own a few already,
How well do you know them? Is there anything you’ve seen in their house that could give you a hint? Collections or a bar or something?
Most likely delusional. Sucks but art isn’t a steady gig for 99% of artists.
Give it a go, but keep your job until you’ve got a reliable income stream from art. Giving up financial security for the dream would be really fuckin unwise.
Hello culiá. Do yourself a favor and don't stop living your life because of the political climate.
t. someone that has been seeing hundreds of kids die in protests for over 20 years of dictatorship. I regret all the times I restrained myself from enjoying things because I was constantly mourning my country.
Fuck him for making you aware of that after all this time because his
feelings were hurt.
Ok so I'm so so SO sorry for the long post. I just need to get this off my chest. I've been dicking around with this guy ever since he reconnected with me Jan of this year. Yeah, it's almost been a fucking year. I don't know if I'm wasting my time with him but I guess it's nice to make someone out there a little happy? He tried reconnecting in April 2018 but I basically left him on read and then in Jan 2019 he left super long messages just explaining how much he missed me, how he was incredibly sorry for cutting me off in 2014, how I'm his "perfect/ideal woman," how he's only attracted to me and how he basically can't get off to anyone but me. No joke. It was a stroke to my ego so I responded to that lmao.
When I was a teenager, I used to talk to people over the internet a lot because I had no life or any friends back then. I in particular got super close to a boy one year older than me. We talked constantly. Every. Single. Day.
I soon grew addicted to texting or chatting him everyday and we'd hop on our consoles and game with each other practically every night. Then one day he suddenly confessed that he loved me. I brushed it off thinking he was joking and he pretended it was a joke but in hindsight it definitely was NOT a joke. He somehow got attracted to me over the internet? And fell in love with me? I just find that super odd. We exchanged pictures so he knew what I looked like and he never complimented me or anything like that just to keep it cool 'cause I only wanted an internet friend. When we reconnected again, he took pictures of his diary entries in 2014 and revealed that he had fostered some intense emotional, sexual and romantic feelings for me back then but got scared of rejection and held back.
One day in 2014 he completely cut ties but told me he'd try to reconnect in five years. I was super devastated and gained depression for 3 months after losing a super close (internet) friend of mine. I thought he would cut me off forever but he somehow remembered and stayed true to his word because 5 years later he contacted me.
Anyways, should I meet up with him? I kind of like him but don't care for internet relationships anymore because I got a life and made actual friends in the time period of those 5 years. But for the past year I have been communicating with him. For the first 3 months I was a total bitch and troll just making fun of how dumb internet relationships were and then I got close to him again and I kind of feel… attracted to him?? Which is so stupid because I never condoned internet relationships before and find them super cringe lmao
I only like him because he strokes my ego to hell and back by giving me compliments everyday and he emotionally invests in me and cheers me up when my irl friends can't even do that. Sometimes I truly do believe I'm the "most beautiful girl in the world"… well, at least to someone out there. He's very smart and has this super concise, intelligible, diverse vocabulary and texts like he's writing a grand masterpiece of a novel or an academic thesis which somehow makes me admire him? idk it's super weird how I find articulate people attractive.
He also handles money well and is super frugal due to growing up poor which I so can't relate but admire in other people. He's also the first one in his family to get a post-secondary education which is hella impressive. Oh, and he's not religious but somehow he's super pure? Like, he tries not to have dirty thoughts intentionally because he is so disgusted by porn and how today's society is so porn and sex-obsessed. But he has confessed he only thinks of me and his imagination when he actually does masturbate. He tries to act gentlemanly-like and is a shy prude, which is kind of cringe but in a cute way to me.
I don't know him personally, but I think he's a nice guy and not a creep. He's super close to the women in his family, volunteered in a retirement home because he respects elders and thinks there's a lot to gain from their wisdom, took in a neglected cat, loves to domestic duties like cooking and cleaning, tries to be helpful and kind to everyone.
So I definitely like his attributes but sometimes I look back and think, "Wow. He only likes me? Can only imagine being with me? Is he an obsessed creepo stalker?" but really, he's genuine and i've expressed this to him multiple times. He said if I rejected him and found him ugly or incompatible when we meet, he's just happy to be friends.
Wow, writing this out and rereading it makes me feel super autistic. I can't talk about this with friends or family because just the thought of being attracted to someone over the internet is super weird to me and would probably weird them out too lmao.
He sounds psycho seriously. You've never met him and what you do know about him might have changed a LOT in five years. He could have been doing anything.
Even if he is in "love" with the idea of you, that means he's imagined all sorts of scenarios in his head which he'll want to enact scene for scene with you whether you like it or not.
I saw some comment in the casual sex thread about how younger guys have a "list" of things they want to try with you whereas older guys don't - this is very true and also applies to weird/loner/virgin dudes regardless of their age.
Anyway it sounds a lil creepy. I'd be VERY careful about this Anon.
Put out the Christmas tree. Make (or buy) an ornament to honor your deceased grandparent and another for the political feelings you have. >>128419
Ignore him or ask him why he'd tell you that now.
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Has anyone had sex with a guy in his late 20s that has never had sex?
>Finnish guy in IT
>owns his own place
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Oh fuck are they all insane if they haven’t had sex until later?
Should I even waste my time?
Find out what his reason is for not having sex before now, in his own words how does he explain it. You might find some red flags or he might just be an awkward guy.
Also find out whether he's been making up for it with a porn addiction cos most long-term virgins go nuts on the porn and it gives them shitty ideas around what women want..
I really think he's grooming you anon. I have a lot of experience with guys off the internet, and precisely 0 of them were being accurate and honest in their portrayal of themselves.
Someone who apparently only faps to you is in fact, not gonna be cool with the idea of you just being friends after you meet. And if he really has been sexually obsessed with you for the best part of a decade, you bet it didn't stop at missionary in his imagination.
If you do meet this guy please bring a friend with you the whole time, and do so in a public place. And do not give him your home address at any point. Trust me on this.
I honestly didn't know where to ask this but I recently went to a small one day convention where i got to meet and interact with one of the guest cosplayers. Both her and her husband were very kind to me while i was at her booth. She hugged me and told me i was cute. I took a picture with and of her. Day ends. Turns out…this particular cosplayer is the ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend. they were together 4 years before i came into the picture. Her husband is the guy she left my bf for.
What conflicts me is that she seemed really nice and i liked her work, but now i feel like i have to avoid her, if i do ever see her again?
Also, my bf says that he's not mad at her directly but mad at her husband. I can't seem to understand that…it's been about 5 years since she left my bf and i started dating my bf 2 years ago. Does he still have a right to be mad at the "other man" to a relationship that ended a long time ago? For some reason it rubs me the wrong way.
Sorry this is two stupidly ridiculous(and possibly personal?) questions, but i would like some advice on these two things…
sounds like you have a new ex boyfriend. seriously though if he has you he shouldn't care. if he's still holding a grudge after years
it sounds pretty weird.
Tait? No. Anon are you also in a similar situation? >>128479
Tbh I think I accidentally and unintentionally groomed him because he’s the one obsessed with me, not the other way around. >I have a lot of experience with guys off the internet, and precisely 0 of them were being accurate and honest in their portrayal of themselves.
He doesn’t go on imageboards and rarely uses the internet. He doesn’t even have social media except to connect with me via Skype. I have a strange feeling he’s 100% honest and genuine because he isn’t manipulative and scummy.
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This screams grooming and has more red flags than China
1stly you literally believe his every word, 2ndly you think that allegedly being intensely emotionally, romantically and sexually obsessed with you for half a decade is normal/cute,
3rdly reverse grooming lmao, this is some scrote-tier "i didn't stalk her sir, her magnetic pull enchanted me" esque thing to say
i'm not sure if you've read too much shoujo manga/watched too many rosamunde pilcher movies or something but this entire thing sounds like you'll end up in a ditch before he shows you that he has craved your name into his thigh
No matter his own grudge, he shouldn't impose it on you. Plus it's been 5 fucking years.>>128490
That's not how it works. You didn't groom this guy, he's creepily obsessed with you.
Have you ever met? If not, you really really should (with a friend, in a public place) just to see whether you are wasting your time.
On Sunday I went out with coworkers and got raped by a 37 year old
He was incel and retarded. I am so upset.
Who tf is he I just want to talk.
But in all seriousness anon do you have anyone to talk about it?
Have you talked to HR?
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How do you guys start making friends after a having a bad break up with one? Im feeling better now…but in my mind i cant help but have this feeling of uncertainty and anxious because i was constantly stabbed in the back multiple times in the past. Now, even though i want to make new friends and connections i become wary of other people, the feeling of getting hurt again was too strong for me to cope. I want to trust people once again, give people chances, finally forgiving myself and open up/welcoming people to my life.
What happened, anon?
Usually the first step you should try to take is knowing that not everyone is like your old friend. Being cautious is ok but don’t let it cripple your life to the point that you’re afraid to make new friends… it’s ok to take baby steps too
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Thank you kind anon, im still currently in recovery but i understand healing is a slow process. I cant get into details but lets say that i was gullible and trust people to much with my secrets…after this break up i had no one to talk to so i kinda dwell deep into an endless hole of self hatred and self loathing. Took me a few months to finally get my shit together and pick myself back up again, i am still socializing with pp and maintaining relationships at uni but theres still a void inside me that i cant fill.
Study something like a new language
Meet up.com has a lot of language exchange options.
Just show up to one
Do not go on language exchange websites, holy shit. They're just men who want nudes and if they're women they want you to ask them nudes, don't. You seem vulnerable because of your inexperienced social skills, so try to work on yourself (self esteem, good habits, or whatever you may have etc), try building up the habit of skills to acquire so you can get a healthy hobby or 2 and THEN you want to try automatically meet people who have similar hobby's such as yours. I used to have severe agoraphobia that cured "magically" (with hard work), when it started to get better I was such an anxious beta dog, so much that people would tell me to hang myself as long if they promised me to be their friends that I'd do it. I changed a lot for the better of course and one thing I've learnt is that a lot of things that you do in your every day must be useful, to find weird toxic
4chanish friends and those useless chit chats us outcasts try to go for because desperate for friends is fucking useless and only damages us. Then making a fool of yourself unprepared IRL, is too.>>128595
That must mean you're a weeb and watch anime/do those weeb crafts, and if not that there's loads of other things weebs do and they always have their own circles and similar friends. Go approach them, they're available online everywhere. Try to meet them etc…
How is it narcissistic? Those language exchange websites are not good for women. Are you seriously complaining I am saying that she should get hobby's so she won't meet toxic
people and instead meet people who are like her in some way?
Are there any anons here that have experience converting into judaism?
I‘ve been wanting to convert for years and have suspected at least some Jewish heritage in my family based on what little I know.
I took one of those 23andme dna tests and sure enough, i'm part Jewish.
It got me thinking; do genetic Jews have to go through the same conversion process as any other convert, or does that change things?
it probably depends on wether you are converting into Orthodox Judaism or a more liberal branch.
If there is any anons around who maybe know how those different branches view this topic I’d be very interested in knowing.
Apparently Israel is accepting Jews based on genetics, mostly i'm wondering how high the percentage of your Jewish-ness would have to be - is 1% enough or would you need something higher then 50 at least?
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I JUST found out my best friend who I have been friends with for YEARS likes me, and I don't like him that way at all, but worst of all I found out from his friend who I kinda like. I have never liked a guy in my life. I deserve death. I feel like a piece of shit.
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Growing up I was a giga poorfag from a shitty Slavic country, the area I grew up in is currently a semi-warzone and my parents are still there. Finding a job there is incredibly difficult, and even if you have one this does not guarantee that your wages will be anywhere close to livable. My parents are also getting old and I am their only child, so I want to take care of them when they can't take care of themselves any longer.
I was really good at languages and maths though, so I saved up whatever money I could to move abroad to study, and I met my (now ex) bf in uni abroad, in the country where I still live. We married so I could stay there and get a job easier. He had to deal with a lot of bullshit from his friends who kept asking me how many camels he bought me for, how I'm a mail order prostitute who's trying to steal all the taxpayer money, how I'm evil and emotionless and don't really love him (I did and I do). We were together for 5 years, until he couldn't handle it anymore (he also had a lot of personal issues I won't share here) and we broke up. We are still very good friends.
Shortly afterwards I moved out of the country to attend to my grandma who was deathly ill so my mom could work. I stayed there for 9 months including for the funeral. I moved back to finish my studies. As a student I could only get a temporary visa that counts as half of the actual time of me staying in the country (this is on purpose so students can't apply for citizenship or permanent residence later) and my spouse visa was annulled when we divorced. Me moving out for 9 months also meant that my period of stay in the country was interrupted, and it needs to be continuous for at least 2 years + having stayed in the country for 5 years to get citizenship, or 5 years and a valid continuous permit to get a permanent permit.
After I moved back, I met my current bf. My ex was my only bf before him. He is very temperamental and difficult. We married a year into our relationship, because I had no other choice and he offered it to me. I was about to graduate, nobody wanted to give me a full time job on a temporary student visa with a limited amount of work hours allowed, I didn't have money to get a Master's or support myself, etc.
After the wedding, I got a family visa again and I got hired easily. I earn a lot of money now and have started saving up, but my bf started being more bossy and violent (also physically, as of last week) because he is not doing so well at his work. Every time I stand up for myself he pulls the marriage card to make me shut up because he knows my hands are tied.
I can't bear him for much longer but I can't move away because then that would cancel my family visa.
I have lived here for 6 years in total, but "officially" it is less than that because of the temp visas I had. I also have to have lived here continuously for the last 2 years to apply for citizenship, which will only be next year around April. I really want to stay because I've lived here since I was a teen, consider it my home, all my friends are here, I speak the language, I really truly love this place with all my heart.
I could get a work visa, but it would have to be another temp visa that gets extended for 4 years when it expires.
I also want to get my mom and dad here because my home is in a warzone and I fear for their safety. Here I make more money in a month than I would there in 2 years, and they would be safe and comfortable, but I need to be a citizen to get them here.
I'm also feeling very disgusted by myself, because I technically am a mail order bride.
If I got divorced again I don't think I could ever bear to date another man ever again (and I don't think anyone would want me if they knew, and I don't want to lie because I've never lied about anything), but that would be fine as long as I can get my parents here. I always wanted to live in a little house in a forest with a husband, two kids and a dog but I'll be very happy to do all of that alone too and take care of my family while I can still be with them.
I just don't know if I can bear to do this for much longer. I've worked so hard and done all the right things but I keep getting screwed over by random loopholes and technicalities and people will surely look down on me when they see my personal record and 1 failed marriage with another on the way. I'm never good enough or as good as any of the locals. I would consider suicide but I don't have the luxury of that either since my parents need me. I don't know what to do.
I'm so sorry to hear all this. You are doing all you can. The world treats women like garbage, even if you work hard and do right. I'm sure your parents want you to be happy and financially stable. i really feel for people who want to be citizens and work hard.
>and I don't think anyone would want me if they knew, and I don't want to lie because I've never lied about anything)
men get married and divorced all the time. This is not your fault or has anything to do with your self worth
I keep blogposting and deleting in reply to you groomanon, but rest assured I have plenty of experience to back up what I'm saying.
Please don't assume anything he's told you is true. Men are scientifically less empathic with less emotional intelligence than women. It's impossible for a woman
who is not extremely mentally ill to be that legitimately obsessed with a man for so long, yet we are happy to believe that it's cute and romantic for a man to do that? Romance movies aren't real and should be considered pre-grooming by the Hollywood perverts who make them. They normalize stalking and creepy obsessions that usually result in body parts in the fridge, as innocently romantic.
It's at best a ruse for sex, at worst you'll end up in a ditch like pessimism-anon said. If he really liked you so much, explain the 4 years of silence? It doesn't add up.
Just reread your original post and
>I only like him because he strokes my ego to hell and back by giving me compliments everyday and he emotionally invests in me
>I only like him because he strokes my ego to hell
You've been groomed, sis
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She’s literally falling for a man that is all mouth and doesn’t realise
Once she matures she’s going to look back and see how retarded this whole shit is
Just remember everything a male says is projection>whore trash
They are the pornsick sex addicts, not us>Hit the wall
Most men look like shit past about 27. >Just a hole
They meanwhile are a penis with a tiny brain attached. Any actually intelligent man doesn't talk like this. Rest assured any man saying stuff like this is talking about himself. An incel is a literal good for nothing. No brains, personality, kindness, and usually looks like shit. Meanwhile they spit and curse at pretty, intelligent, kind women just living their lives to tell us that we
are the useless ones.
all true, ha
>most men look like shit past about 27
This too. I love how men think they're all gonna get sexier as they age, as if women will flock to them just because they've over 30. Meanwhile they lose their hair, get fat, and expect to be treated like Clooney
Pretty much everyone looks their best in their early 20s. Dumbos extrapolate the experiences of highly attractive actors with the money to afford botox and laser treatments with the economic incentive to look as good as they can, it should be obvious that the majority of average men aren't going to age that way (and not even all actors manage it well).
I hope we are able to reverse aging some day though, time is a harsh mistress
Dating apps are pathetic. Even if you meet someone that you get along with, it's not the same as real life. There's no mystery, no chase. You know you like each other from the first match/swipe so it's all revealed and ruined.
I'd rather wait 10 years to find someone than use an app
Found out about it the harsh way. We were in a limbo with him seemingly more into me until when he isnt anymore and i lost him.>>129067
Tf anon, you dont just figure out someone completely by talking to them in a short period.
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I'm a (late twenties) virgin and always wonder whether telling a guy I am one is a bad idea. I've heard of people getting really attached to someone after having their first time with them (like your story) and I worry telling a guy I'm a virgin will scare him off for fear I'll pull a stunt like this.
I'm not gonna fall head over heels and want to marry someone after a bit of dick (I'm sure it isn't that special), but any potential guy wouldn't know that.
basically my question is, if you were in my position would you tell them? I'd rather be honest but I can't afford to scare anyone away
Depends on the nature of the relationship.
A potential LTR?
You should disclose it and be candid with your partner about it. It doesn't have to be revealed on the first date, but it's good to be open and honest about both of your sexual histories. There are more reasons than people fearing an overly-attached virgin for not wanting to sleep with one, and their decision to not want to do so are valid
ONS looking to getting it over with?
No reason for them to know.
My two cents: Losing your virginity doesn't fundamentally change you, so it doesn't have to be this special thing that society has made it out to be. However, you're much better off seeking out a partner who is willing and appropriately enthusiastic in exploring you having sex for the first time, rather than someone who's just looking to fuck and will probably leave you with a sour or neutral-at-best memory. It's not a big deal, but it is something you'll probably always remember, so why have the experience be fueled by secrecy and fear when it can be an honest, intimate moment shared with an understanding partner?
The chase doesn't mean games.
But if dating apps work for you awesome, they just don't for me
Your boyfriend has issues, mine knows I post here and just laughs about cows sometimes.
What is he scared you are trying to hide?
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So, I've always had a very specific, strong type. Ever since I was a child I had a preference for a certain type of boy/man. Unfortunately, my bf is not that type at all. He is a very caring, sweet partner. Sex is great. We share similar interests. He is responsible, he loves his mom, he is a great pet owner, he likes being fit, etc. and he proposed to me a month ago (we are engaged now, but no plans for wedding yet).
He is realistically the best I could get. I love him, but even though I feel so strongly about him, I can't stop fantasizing about my specific "type". I still seek out romance novels/manga/vns with that specific type of boy I like. When I see a guy who looks like my dream type (which is very rare) I can't help but stare. Is there any way to get rid of this desire? I feel so bad for being kind of unfaithful to my boyfriend, and daydreaming about a guy I could never get is just exhausting.
My self hatred is seriously ruining my fucking life. I'm about 5'9 and a half or 5'10, I'd never say this out loud to anyone in real life. I get asked how tall I am everytime I see a relative I haven't seen in awhile and I gotta say "I'm not sure" because I'm too embarrassed to say it. I'm afraid of meeting new people because "You're so tall!" is always the first thing people say to me when they first meet me. I lost about 40 pounds in an attempt to make myself look almost as attractive as smaller girls but it hasn't really changed how I feel about myself. It kind of made things worse. I'd much rather be 115 pounds than what I weighed before but I'm very depressed because I want to be under 110. I can't be though because if I was my entire skeleton would be visible and thats just as unattractive as being obese or something. My family goes bowling together a lot. Last year was the first and last time I went. I starting crying and throwing a fit like a toddler because I didn't want to tell the guy behind the counter my shoe size. And I spent a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, looooong time training myself to stop talking with my hands because I don't want anyone to notice how big they are (my nickname in middle school wasn't manhands for nothing! Yay for being an early bloomer!)
The only reason I'm trying to change all this shit now is cause I've been dating this guy for five months. It's pretty serious. He's really sweet and smart and funny and he's 5'4. I like him a lot. I feel a little embarrassed in public, not because of the way he looks, but because of the way I look with him. I feel like it just makes me look even more weird and masculine than I do on my own and that people are looking at me and making fun of me in their heads. I won't hold his hand. He knows why. I won't give him handjobs either for the same reason. He told me he's never been with a girl taller than him before. He also told told me that he this one girl is really sexy because she's small and that smallness is a really cute trait for girls. I told him it hurt me and he said he didn't think it would make me sad. I say things about other guys sometimes, he was just doing the same thing. This was before he knew I was insecure about my… size so he wasn't trying to hurt me. But knowing that he's probably had a small girls little hand around his dick makes me feel fucking horrible too. I think about it pretty much whenever we do stuff. I know if I tried to do it he'd probably feel really small and emasculated whereas the tiny ass girls he used to go out with probably made him feel really manly and made his dick feel really big and stuff. He can still pick me up and carry me and all that, it makes me really happy when he does. He also always is the big spoon when we cuddle which also makes me feel small and happy. He tells me he doesn't mind me being so tall and that he doesn't care about my hands or my shoe size. That I'm really pretty and he doesn't secretly wish I was any other way. But all these other things really effect me. He tries to help me with these feelings but it doesn't work, they always just come creeping back. I don't know how to fix myself but I need to because I'm scared I'll drive him away.