File: 1467049510504.jpg (18.31 KB, 480x333, you should love me.jpg)
No. 99680
i do.
my case is especially pathetic in that i only "officially" dated him for a couple of months.
its been 5 years and still think about him and check up on him daily..but i think i'm just the kind of person who can continue loving even when its no longer there. i've also never dated or seen anybody since then, so i never had any kind of rebound to help me move on.
have you heard of love addiction? googling it brings up all kinds of results, but here's this article i read,
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/10/09/end.relationship/the "why can't we let go" section really resonated me.
also, this ex of mine is also in my circle of friends, so i don't think i can ever really escape him.. at this point i just want him to take care of himself and be happy, even if he doesn't want to be with me. i've never seen him with anyone else, so of course i still dream and think about the one day i can be with him again, as cringey as that sounds.
No. 99703
I guess so. It took me two years to get over my first ex, we violently split up after the arguments became really bitter.
The first 6 months I just didn't function right. I didn't sleep well, or eat or think typically (e.g. seeing friends, my education or family rarely entered my head). I erased my internet presence and made what I now see are big decisions with no thought.
After those 6ish months I figured it was time to move on and """dated""" someone, an online relationship that I didn't care about, but it was something to do, everything I did really was just something to do.
And then I decided I'd give it another shot. Every function was with the intention of becoming a better partner so we'd be happy together. I tried doing well in uni, moved out so we would have privacy.
Then around valentines day I looked him up on facebook, and it turned out he'd been dating a new girl for a few months. She seemed different from the other girls he dated. About a 5/10, girly dress sense, seemed…nice, albeit really basic. He seemed actually happy in that relationship, so I figured I wouldn't interfere in any way, because that's what really mattered.
So I lived quite a hollow life for a bit. Living alone in the flat with nobody close to me, and gradually built my life up from scratch.
One thing I'm grateful for though is that the whole process made me anew. I'd probably smack past me for being such a weak cunt.
No. 99716
>>99703op here.
ahh i see. my exs new gal..well …im no body shamer thats all im going to say. ses about an average build and has some similar traits to me which i find a little bit suspicious, e.g. black medium length hair, pale skin, bit chubby, winged eyeliner, eerily similar dress sense, everything except her face.
i asked my brothers friend who knows him how she compares and he asked if she was born a man. (assuming i know or even care)
id post a pic of her but again im no body shamer and that sort of impedes on their privacy.
but yeah. i dont get why he went for a walmart version of me…a 10/10 chanel….
if anyones interested in making some sort of coping gorup chat on kik or whatever let me know because im desperate. just spent about 20 minutes sobbing loudly nd screaming on my bathroom floor over it. thats all
No. 99720
>>99716My ex's gf is so… god I can't really describe her. She's like an alien from outer space wearing human skin, her face is Benedict Cumberbatch-tier weird. If Ramsay Bolton and that actress from Merlin had a baby, the baby would look like her. Like she's not ugly or anything but she just looks off in modern human clothes if that makes sense.
She's also really small but has a surprisingly deep voice and acts really weird all the time, like I know she's not autistic but something about her just screams 'this is not my home planet'.
I'm still weirded out by my ex's choice, like I'm actually conventionally pretty and have bigger tits and dress better than her and have more friends and money… There's literally no reason for him to dump me to chase after her.
No. 99721
>>99720im exactly the same positiion. like im a 10/10 and she sort of looks off. i can resonate with the 'this is not my home planet' thing. she must have an amazing personality or just be a really easy fuck. i mean my ex is considered quite ugly by most people so he cant b picky
he must have had such a hard time adjusting from me….a goddess to his current gf
No. 99723
>>99722yeah well my ex isnt considered gorgeous conventionally. i know im out of his league but hes just got something really special abt him. dunno
u over ur ex then?
No. 99728
>>99725I'm not over him, that's the point :p
and yeh.. Sometimes when I just wake up (I wake up early for work) I sit there half asleep and think "oh, there's stuff I should tell him" or "damn, did I close skype or leave it open?" and then the reality will hit me and it hurts all over again.
No. 99729
>>99727ahhhh ok!! yeah…men are fucking weirdos
>>99728so u guys stll talk to ur exes then?
No. 99730
>>99729Not often.. not as often as I'd like, but if we talked I'd rather it went in a direction that benefited me.
Bluntly and honestly, if we spoke I want to be happy from the outcome. Most times I'm not, because he's so happy living with his gf and being ~perfect~.
But then I fear that if I don't talk then he'll just stop caring entirely and I'll just be a blip on his radar. Just a forgotten, tiny page in his large book.
No. 99734
>>99733im at a point of ruin. im trying so hard to meet him. i just want to see him i just wanna talk to him.
he has, so far, PROMISED me that hes gonna call me when hes found a date hes free at. ive been calling him for around a month, about once a week to organise something. i also suspect he may have blocked my number but i cant confirm this.
i ache for him. even just as friends
No. 99738
>>99734is there no way to find out? like if u call him through someone else's phone and be like "oh yeah mine doesn't have credit atm" or something.
I hate it when people are dishonest like that. Just be upfront or hold your end of the bargain. Don't play around with peoples' emotions like that just bc you're a douche.
No. 99739
>>99738ugh I KNOW!! ive beenscremiang and crying like screaming "u liar" "how dare u" "bastard" stuff like taht im so unhinged, such a mess!!
i was JUST looking at some sources on how to tell if ur number has been blocked. apparently it has to ring once and then go to voicemail. but when i called him it didnt ring once it went to voicemail immediately, so maybe im in the clear?
and i have been calling on my mums phone and explianed that to him since i dont have credit. so i dunno. its really sad.
however he did tell me he has nothing against me, wants to catch up and said that if he didt wanna see me he would tell me. so im trying to not lose hope
No. 99741
>>99740oh yeah man. totally . and ill disappear and he wont say shit. like i say we never talk. he used to be so obsessed with me but now? im NOTHING to him.
ive decided im not gonna reach out to him again, at least not for another year or something. hes a horrid vile man for doing this to me. especially after (if u refer to
>>99691 ) after i gave him so much money and expressed only feelings of care and worry 2 him.
on top of this, he once told me hed let someone -defacate- on him for £50. i gave him £60 and he wont even fucking hang out with me for a few hours.
bastard
No. 99742
>>99741honestly you're not worth that pain, fuck that noise. I was in the same place. Dated for a little less than two months (this isn't the ex I spoke about, this guy is a fucking Narcissist™ and should get help), and he dumped me/lied to my face repeatedly for a new girl. But he still talked with me, seduced me, invited me to his home, but kept saying he couldn't decide.
Basically had me wrapped around his finger for two years and made me so miserable. "I weep to have what I fear to lose" expressed it perfectly. Eventually… well I got together with my current ex (that went sooooo well, obviously) and he's still together with his gf.
Like why do people do shitty things to you and they are still happy and you love someone more than the world itself and you get shit for it?
You deserve better. You deserve to have someone pay attention to you and beg YOU to hang out because they want to.
No. 99749
File: 1467133758442.png (33.73 KB, 318x302, Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 18.0…)
>>99745and this is when he hadnt even met me in person, he just went to my school. i was also 14 and he was 16 so it was a little creepy. but obvs the tables turned
No. 99755
>>99751you should check out these web pages.. does it sound like him at all?
Idealize Stage 1: (when Narcissist and victim first begin a relationship)
Love bombing (Red Flag of a Narcissist #1)
Rushing Intimacy (Red Flag of a Narcissist #2)
Listening/Offering Emotional Support (Red Flag of a Narcissist #3)
Mirroring (Red Flag of a Narcissist #4)
Charming (Red Flag of a Narcissist #5)
Hyper-sexuality (Red Flag of a Narcissist #2)
http://narcissistsupport.com/cycle-of-a-narcissistic-relationship/ No. 99758
>>99757yeah, some of this sounds like him but . i mean hes genuinely a very nice, sweet, gentle and just lovely person. well, he was. hes all fucked up on drugs now. but he was genuinely sweet. my parents liked him. my family liked him. we al loved him.
im just finding it hard to cope without seein him is my point. and his reluctance to see him hurts so much but i have hope cus he said hed tell me if he didnt wanna see me but i dunno man. its hard. ill just have to love him from afar. i keep forgiving this evil fuck for hurting me
No. 99759
>>99758yeah mine was too. He'd walk me to the bus stop for my safety, ask me to text him when I was home, we'd have cute nicknames etc.
Problem is when you run out of convenience for these people they toss you out quicker than yesterday's trash.
No. 99760
>>99759OH YEAH. defo. he literally didnt talk to me for ages. i didnt try to initiate contact except for a few instances which i dont count (wishing him happy bday, asking him to reconsider 2 weeks after the breakup, giving back his hoodie, accidentally sending him a thumb on messenger and apologising) for about 7 months. i literally didnt talk to him at all after the breakup except for those mandatory things. (altho i should never have asked for him back that time tbh.)
and then, after 7 months of silence, he was the one to break. he messaged me first. and god i was so fucking delighted. i was crying of happiness. id missed him to fucking bits. and then we hung out after the convo after never speaking despite always passing each other in school almost daily. i do wonder what made him think of me, and why he decided to message me , though.
No. 99762
>>99761no I think he's more worried about getting caught and guilted than hurting feelings.
if people can't deal with your bad feelings like sadness, anger, frustration etc after they hurt you, then they are pathetic. If someone can't deal with the fact that you'll be less than amazing and sweet if they hurt you and are like "ugh don't be like that" as if you're the one at fault then it's not hurting feelings, it's their avoidance of guilt.
No. 99763
>>99762yeah ur right. i know he is shitty
but i cant control the awful fucking craving i have for him. i ache to be in his arms. i feel so much pain every day by not being near him and being uncertain about the next time ill see him. its disgusting and awful pain
No. 99764
>>99763I know how that feels, all too well
uberhugsI miss him every day. I miss telling him my awful puns. I miss getting juicy goss of the day to tell him. I miss taking care of him or making him morning coffee.
Few pains hurt as much as longing for someone else.
No. 99766
File: 1467136222033.jpg (10.2 KB, 539x515, 13507262_542258455962005_87255…)
>>99764just seen this and god. this so resonates with me.
im not sure whether i hope his new gf breaks his heart or not. i dont want him to be in pain but i do want him to understand, at least a little, cus he has no fucking idea. i want him to know what hes done for me. maybe if he went through it he would apologise and feel bad
No. 99768
>>99766I feel like that too
like I don't want him to be hurt but I also do. I want her to dump him or him to realise his mistake and dump her.
and it sucks.
No. 99769
>>99768i just dont understand what i even did wrong. what i heard was:
(from him, very vague no elaboration)
- im rude about his eyesight
- im rude about people
- im mean about his friends (no recollection of this ever but didnt question him)
- teasing him about stuff
from others:
- im clingy
apparently he said that like i looked different in pictures " like the same but she has spots and stuff" which i think is absolutely horrifying, untrue and hopefully he just said it out of spite or something
No. 99772
>>99770yeah well its not even true. im confident that my pictures look exactly like me and i dont see why hed say that even.
and what i made were jokes about his collarbones being hollow enough to be ketchup pots to dip chps in, i meant it in a friendly way. i did say he smelled a lot but he fucking did and still does and refused to do anything about it.
and to be fair, all i said about his eyesight was i asked if he could keep them still (he has this eye shakey thing called nystagmus i think where his pupils always are shaking) like i just asked fairly mild and unoffensive questions about his eyesight.
but i remember he came back to me and said he told his friends about me asking him to keep his eyes still and was like "yeah my frineds think that comment was rude" ????? so i guess i may have said "well they r dumb lol" which mite explain the friend thing. anyway he seemed to be more comfortable telling others why he dumped me than about telling me. so. lil cunt
No. 99775
>>99727You'll find that bodybuilders and other /fit/s aren't really considered attractive by most women. It's a running joke on /fit/ even. So, they can't be picky.
Bimbos want money, they dgaf about your jockchad.
No. 99779
>>99776ok one second. im not borderline?
i never held him back from friends. i ALWAYS told him "dude, do NOT hang out with me if ur friends want u. i dont wanna take u away from them"
i also specifically encouraged him to see his friends instead of me all the time, as he would hang with me a lot. he always told me hed rather be with me anyway
No. 99795
>>99793She's 5'10 and has a slender build. She's half white and half Asian so she has beautiful fair skin and round eyes. She as nice shoulder length hair. Her boobs are big. She has nice long legs and a plumb butt.
She also surpasses me intellectually. She as a Bachelor Art's degree in Multimedia Communication and she's currently working toward a business degree.
No. 99802
>>99691Girl… he is too cowardly to tell you he doesn't wanna talk to you. If he wanted to see you he would see you, no one is that busy. You need to cut contact or you will never get over him.
Do you not want to be happy or something? You think about him all the time but I guarantee he never spares you a second thought. Stop wasting time on people who don't give a shit about you.
No. 99812
>>99754Like I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but I'm being honest here and it's for your own good, you need to hear this because it doesn't sound like anyone else is telling you this.
He's not responsible for your happiness, you are. The fact you are so sad not being with him… is not his problem or his business, really. The way you phrase this just stuck out to me so much. That even if you explained your feelings he wouldn't even hold you.
Well, why should he have to? He doesn't like you. From what you write, he doesn't even want to be friends with you. So why should he have to help you or touch you, someone who constantly… (sorry if this sounds mean but I'm going off what you describe) annoys/bothers him, someone who won't take obvious hints to leave him alone? Imagine if someone you didn't like was doing this to you? Wouldn't it annoy you?
He's not hurting you by not wanting to talk to you. He's not doing anything to you, he has absolutely no obligation to speak to or interact with you. It's you who is doing this to yourself.
I'm sorry again, I really am not trying to be mean here, but your love sounds totally and 100% selfish. You don't care about the fact he blanks you, so you call off your mother's phone to check if he blocks you. You don't care he makes it super obvious he does not want to meet up, so you keep bugging him and make him promise to call you about it (wtf??).
A normal person would take the hint. What you're doing is not normal behaviour.
He does not make you starve, he does not make you sad, he does not make you cut yourself. He doesn't do anything to you. I think you are confusing the fact you have these underlying conditions anyway and thinking he is the cause of your unhappiness when really he is a scapegoat for this behaviour.
These are not the actions of someone hurt by love. These are the actions of someone with possible mental health issues. It sounds like there is something wrong. I don't mean this in a cruel way, or a mocking way, I'm saying this so you can get help. Do you see a psychiatrist? Have you ever spoken to your doctor about this? I am worried about you… going through 2 years of this… and it won't get better until you tackle the issue. You don't have to suffer like this, you know? I'm just saying… make yourself the priority here and try and recognise this behaviour. It's not normal and you are only prolonging your suffering.
Most people are very hurt when their love leaves them. I myself went through it. You're allowed to be sad, even if it is only 2 months you guys dated.
For me, I went out with my first serious bf for 4 years and he broke up with me in the most painful way. We were each other's first… everything. And he hurt me so much. So I understand what you're feeling. I was a zombie for months. I can honestly say it started like obsession, it was all I could think about, even talk about. I had never felt emotional pain like that.
But it eased as the months went by because I removed him from everything. After the first 2 weeks I realised I would ignore, then "check up" on him, and the pain would all come back so I'd be back to square 1. There was no point. I was really sad to block/unfriend him because we were so close/such good friends but I knew I had to do it.
I think by month 8 I was starting to feel better, and I felt like I was beginning to get over it. But I think if we had been in contact I wouldn't have been able to do that.
After much time had passed we even became friends again. So it wasn't like we were out of each other's lives forever. It was more like we returned to each other as different and better people.
I think this is the case with most people tbh, I'm just trying to detail the difference between a typical case and what you're describing. 2 years and no improvement over a 2 month relationship is not healthy. You need to do what's best for you/in your best interests.
Sorry for the wall of text and again I'm sorry if I offend/hurt you, I really am not trying to be nasty or anything.
No. 99814
>>99812Let her deal with her lovesickness in her own way.
The fact she loves so deeply isn't a bad thing. She just needs someone who will love her back twice as strongly.
No. 99817
>>99814What are you talking about? Yes it is a bad thing! The girl is saying she is literally suicidal because of the way she feels is a super bad thing!
She doesn't have to suffer like this, she should talk to a doctor, they can try and help her deal with her emotions.
She is suffering for no reason. I feel so bad for her.
Please don't discourage her from possibly seeking help with posts like these.
No. 99820
File: 1467152978116.png (256.19 KB, 396x516, pullurself2gether.png)
my advice to everyone in this thread from experience: stop checking up on him/texting/calling. block him from everything if possible, delete or at least store away all screenshots and pictures of you two. you just end up looking and feeling stupid later on if you continue to pester and pine away for someone who doesn't care about you. fake it til you make it so you can move on and have some self respect.
No. 99823
op, the absolute best thing you can do for yourself is look for someone else. judging from the screenshots you posted i'd assume you're only 18? are you in school? now would be the best time to look for someone, it becomes much harder once you're out of school and an adult. i apologize if i'm making presumptions! its gonna hurt and it might hurt for a long time. and it's ok if you don't want to seek out someone, but just be open to new people and experiences.
i'm sorry if i sound cliche but I'm
>>99680 and i've been through a similar experience as yours (and am mostly still going through) i only JUST got to the point where i feel like i can "maturely" talk to him. where i'm not driving myself crazy about it or be devastated if he didn't want to see me or talk to me. but i definitely still have feelings, however i've been healthier about it. and that took a loong time. and like i said, I've been feeling like this for 5 years.
>>99802>>99812>>99814i agree, she might not want to hear these kinds of things and i think she'll have to really
want to move on. it's a decision she has to make herself. as much as my ex hurt me i realized he's just a human, with feelings. i can't make him love me or interact with me. and yes, i think if a couple years pass and she matures, and they are both different people, maybe she can rekindle a relationship.
No. 99825
>>99754Listen, I've been through the same thing, dude who I was crazy idealizing about dumps me by never talking to me again, and then being unreasonably suicidal and broken.
You need to listen to me. Its not normal. You're right that it isn't. But the source of the cause is not strictly him.
I think it is very likely you are exhibiting some symptoms of BPD, and when you have that, it is incredibly important you start getting therapy from a good DBT therapist in order to cope with this suffering.
This guy sounds like a narcissistic abuser, and they target BPD people because they don't have the ability to let go of unhealthy relationships like normal people do. You may have abandonment issues and that is what he is using against you.
His lack of contact and then sudden reemergence is very similar to my main romantic NPD abuser of the past. And in my case, I had to figure out the hard way that every effort to contact me was to get attention, praise, and sex. It had nothing to do with caring about me.
I know there's a low chance you will really listen until things come to a head, but please, please read what I'm saying now. Its going to get worse.
He's going to destroy your soul, your worth, your being. That's what these people do. They make you feel like everything and take it away in ways that you will never clearly see.
It hurts, but you need to GET AWAY FROM HIM. You need to BLOCK HIM ON EVERY VENUE, and get yourself an appointment with a psychiatrist that specializes in Cluster B personality disorders. Make sure that you are checking for a specialist in the issue, because Personality Disorder stigma is real, and it will hurt you rather than heal you.
I promise you, this guy is an abuser, and his new GF is temporary. I know this is going to hurt, but you're the backup. That is not to say anything about your worth. He's being a trashbag and will never want to be accountable for hurting someone else. It's you that does not deserve this, and what you do deserve, is to stop denying your suffering, and get yourself some treatment.
I promise you, YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON IF YOU HAVE BPD. It'll be ok.
No. 99843
>>998412/2
I was devastated. I used to be able to deal with breakups ok, but this one was different, maybe because he had gotten me to invest so much more in the relationship, maybe because it had ended with another woman taking my place.
I still went to uni near him. He reached out to me. We started talking again. I regret that now. He was still just using me to fuel his ego, and he was still with the girl he left me for, but hiding it. He got me drunk one night and… well let's just say there was no consent there… and I had to sleep in that dorm room for 10 months after while I did my course, but I was afraid to come forward with what had happened because I knew by then his ways of twisting things round to make himself look like the good guy. I stopped talking to him. On the forum we were both on at the time he started talking more about his girlfriend, his "missus" now, ad nauseum, and it would've been pretty obnoxious even without our history tbh. He made one of his friends in a pub one night pretend to be her (i didn't know who this girl was, but she told me about this after i wrote her a while ago to apologise for anything i may have inadvertently done) to make me jealous. She was tired of his jealousy games apparently. I was tired of it. I guess she dumped him. The next girl he got with was my friend's ex fiancee. He shoved that relationship in my face as much as possible too. And the one after that, after I had moved back, decided to mention to the whole gaming forum that he was considering moving to the town I'm at now with her. At this point (well long before that) I'm not jealous anymore, just worried sick for anyone who gets involved with him.
I've noticed he's got a type. The vulnerable ones. Me, in recovery from eating disorder, trying to piece my life back together. The girl he left me for, barely legal and not experienced in the world. My friend's ex, a melting pot of tumblr mental illness, a special snowflake, still vulnerable even from that though.
TL;DR I thought I couldn't get over him but now he disgusts me tbh. I've gone no contact with him, and it feels fucking great.
No. 99844
>>99826Block his ass anyway.
It's better for you.
And if he's NPD he never having a wedding anyway. Just a string of ppl he pretends to be super serious about.
No. 99845
>>998433/2
I remember after seeing him in a totally different light finally him crying on the forum we were on about how his "missus" had cheated on him.
I LOL'd at this so hard I think I woke neighbours up, because the irony of it all.
And then I just fucked off from the forum forever. It's been like what… 10 months or something like that? Shitsux cos I liked going to a place to discuss games, and I liked about 90% of the other users on that site, but I dunno… can't let him try to use me again, so had to quit going.
No. 99862
>>99812okay, op here and ive read all of this.
a few things
>i know most of this here to be true>i dunno how i worded my post but i havent been bothering. i literally havent spoken to him in years, we barely speak. it took so much courage to contact him again. and he also told me he didnt mind seeing me, etc. i mean id never bother him. i was worried about bothering him for years, and i finally plucked up the courage to try and see him. i dont think he owes me anything but could he really not take a few hours out of his day to talk to me?
and he is that busy, he works 7 days a week 10-6. so i do get that he doesnt have much spare time.
i dunno.
>>99825i dont have bpd. i have depression
No. 99863
File: 1467174811214.png (592.72 KB, 500x696, dead.png)
I found this website really helpful with dealing with breakups (and dating in general). Reading all the broken-hearted posts ITT has made me really sad, and I hope this could at least help someone with moving on!
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/02/the-importance-of-silence-after-break-up.htmlhttp://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/07/no-you-cant-be-just-friends.html No. 99867
>>99785>honestly it freaks me out a bit that an adult would want to be going out with a teen? i dunno. thoughts?I never really thought much of it, but would have agreed 1-2 years ago, with an age difference of less than 10 but more than 4, with over 10 being total creepo. But I work in a place where a lot if 16-19yo also work, and if some of them didn't talk about just graduating or being seniors next year or I hadn't seen their birthday on facebook, I would have NEVER guessed they were anything younger than 19-22. They look older, have serious and well thought out conversations about serious topics, like it has been a total "look at my shocked face" moment, only not sarcastic but totally serious.
Plus, some of them are pretty cute and I can see being really handsome in a few years, so i guess i can understand why a 25 yo would date an 18 yo without ill-intentions…they're stupid teenagers by nature, but intelligent stupid teenagers who, thanks to the Internet, are more worldly, and I guess can thank the SAD and sun exposure for looking older, I guess.
I'm 23 (though perpetually 19) and there is just no way I could ever date an 18 yo, because it does feel wrong. But, point is, I can at least understand 20-somethings dating older teens.
No. 99870
>>99862You can keep telling yourself that, but it is not normal to obsess to the degree you are obsessing over this guy. You are torturing yourself and this is a BPD trait too, when people point it out you deflect and deny.
You need to let go of the stigma and ask some hard questions lady.
No. 99889
>>99862>could he really not take a few hours out of his day to talk to me?No, because you're neither his friend, nor his girlfriend. You're just someone he used to know. If he is as busy as you claim, how do you not already understand that he has no time to talk to you?
Also, he can't work 7 days a week, if we go off what you claim, he's working 56 hours every week…? That's not legal, law requires a 24 hour continuous rest period in a 7 day period (or to average it out, he can work 12 days and have 2 days off so long as he consents).
Over 40 hours and you get taxed to shit also.
That doesn't make any sense. He's lying to you, girl.
If he really wanted to hang out, he would make time. Just saying,
I have depression too and I would never engage in the behaviours you're detailing. Those are mostly associated with cluster B personality disorders like that other anon was saying. Have you asked your doctor about it?
No. 99893
>>99724Hey anon, just wanted to give you this:
http://8ch.net/art/res/617.html#800Mostly a dead board, but there's resources in this thread. Make sure to check out the free software here:
http://8ch.net/loomis/hub.htmlIf you don't have a drawing tablet but have a touchscreen device, get a fine-point stylus for digital art. I like Smoothdraw.
The /loomis/ stickied thread has a mega link with free books.
Challenge yourself to draw a bit daily while looking at these tutorials or just copying art you like to deconstruct how it can be made. Slowly you'll improve, and you'll keep your mind off things.
No. 99896
>>99889Okay it is legal to work 7 days a week, I'm sure of it.
And yeah I know, ur right. As I've said I'm gonna stop talking to him if he doesn't talk to me first even though I want to. I'm not gonna bother him, I always make sure that I'm not making him uncomfortable Bc that's not who I am. Please
Also remember this is the first time ive
Spoken to him properly in a year not counting the times I ran into him in public.
Do u think he cares about me? Do u think he'd care if I died
No. 99902
>>99896Look it up, employers have to give you 24 hours off in a 7 day work week, or 2 consecutive days in a 14 day time period. So him working that many hours + days is not possible. Even if he was, the employer would have to legally pay overtime after 48 hours.
I'm not psychic, but you kinda sound like strangers, acquaintances… How many acquaintances do you know that you deeply care about?
As for your last question… Girl that is not a healthy train of thought?
No. 99910
>>99820This really helps. Ex gf broke up with me three years ago and started dating another girl immediately afterwards (they had been flirting behind my back). She wanted to stay friends with me but everytime we were hanging out I felt horrible. She'd talk to me about their sex life and though I should've told her to stop, I didn't want to let her know that she had hurt me. I started having intrusive-like thoughts about her and, though I didn't love her anymore. It was all so confusing and fucked me up a lot.
It wasn't until earlier this year that I decided "fuck this and fuck you" and I broke off all ties with her. I've been feeling a lot better and I feel stupid for not having done this earlier. I don't want anyone else to have to spend three years of pain like myself so please don't hesitate to never speak with your ex again. Especially if they were shitty. Fuck then.
No. 99923
>>99902I live in europe, and assuming u live in america, our laws are different here. So maybe that's where ur getting it wrong. Also, he works for a pretty dodgy fucking place so they probably don't care about laws.
And we're not acquaintances? We were together. I took his virginity. I was his first relationship. And I dunno. Ehh…I can only hope he does.
Im not trying to start an argument or look for solutions. im trying to move on but be able to cope with it and talk about it. i just wanna sort of vent here and talk to others w the same experience. im not looking for advice. i know he doesnt wanna be friends. but maybe thats alright. im still connected to him on facebook and can talk to him when i want, we're just not friends.
im just trying to cope with it until i meet someone else and can properly move on. ill never stop caring about him and i like to think maybe he cares about me.
No. 99926
>>99878until you're honest with your doctor and find a competent one that is not going to mollycoddle you with telling you self harm and high levels of distress over a guy is just "Depression"
your denial is fucking infuriating tbh but I guess I should expect that from undiagnosed BPD that won't get over the stigma long enough to see that she's not ok and its not depression.
Let me simplify it for you
>You: Dated a dude for two months and is cutting yourself, losing sleep, messaging him incessantly after he got back to you, checking up on him, and always fluctuating between saying he's the most awful guy or the best dude ever making excuses
>Everyone else: was depressed for a little while and eventually got over it No. 99951
>>99946no I'm not but when you go on a board behaving like this you have to expect that you're going to get called out.
How would I know? Because I have literally been through exactly what you have been through. As hard as it may be to believe, yes, I know that feeling of "would he care if I died" and spinning all your delusional hopes for reconciliation on that.
You can deny your hope for reconciliation and etc all you want, but that is CLEARLY what you want, and you are never satisfied with the responses that it will not happen or will happen only to use you.
You are transparent to anyone who has similarly struggled.
You can deny help from real professionals, but the response of reasonable people here will be the same: We can't help you help yourself.
There is nothing we can do or say that will make it better other than recommending real help. Hard truth. Hard facts.
>>99947Here let me help you
>>99769Other people are saying you are clingy if you are honest, what does that say about how much you try?
>>99754>how I wrote him loads of lettersyou may have never sent them, however, most people don't compose huge messages in large volumes with huge desperation over one failed relationship. It is OBSESSIVE. Straight up.
>>99734What does "trying so hard" mean? If its not trying to contact him a lot despite all signs he doesn't want you to talk to him unless its at his convenience, I can't imagine what it is. And yes, it's "a lot" if you can't accept that all signs point to "he does not want you around."
I know how hard it is to take the long, hard road to truly cutting off the hope for reconciliation with a person that is toxic to you. Thing is, as time goes on the excuses to stay in that state make less sense and damage you more.
With that, I leave it up to you. I'm not going to argue with a brick wall.
No. 99958
>>99954If you live in a place with national health care that includes mental health, it should not be at a huge cost to you.
The complication would likely be finding a good fit for you, as your symptoms cannot be dealt with by everyone equally.
If you don't, that is a little more complicated. In that case, therapy tends to be on the pricier side. HOWEVER…
There exists charities which use their funding to provide low cost mental health therapy on a sliding scale. This is common in the U.S. and may exist in places with mental health care gaps in Europe.
http://openpathcollective.org/ is one resource, and supposedly they do remote therapy. I am not sure if it is just U.S. or if they work internationally, though.
You'll have to do some research and make calls, it's a lot of work but if you really want to get better and are determined, you will get there.
Good luck.
No. 99960
>>99959I would then suggest seeing if there is a remote therapist specializing in personality disorder symptoms to get started.
Then, after getting some sort of confirmation that they recommend you specific types of help you need, start calling around and see what your options are with some sort of documentation of what you've been told. See if there are local charities because I am unfamiliar with your system, but it sounds like there is a mental health care gap.
It sounds like you're facing cluster b personality disorder stigma already, if your healthcare provider's response was simply, "shut up about it." Many mental health providers that have not "gotten with the times" so to speak think of the disorders as hopeless but that's not true.
On your own time, look up DBT techniques and resources, and see if some of them you can try. Then, if something is helping your anguish and helping you heal, its a new thing you can keep in your mental toolbox. The best part? At no cost to you.
No. 99962
>>99960i found this utube video and this guy does skype calls and hes fantastic. but im worried ill spend all my money on therapy and still love him
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guMDhsmVNHAhis skype prices are here:
http://www.mindthatseekstruth.com/counseling/#about No. 99964
>>99962he sounds nice but you need to be careful, not all remote therapy is the same.
If its one individual that doesn't seem to have any psychological experience or degrees, its probably a scam.
The organization I linked tends to confirm that the counselors are certified and have relevant experience.
If there are no organizations like that within your reach online, then your best bet is to try and find sliding scale lower cost of a legitimate therapist locally.
No. 99974
>>99923? I live in Europe dude. And no, this is the law basically anywhere in the western world. There are exceptions to this where he can do it but makes up the time later like I mentioned, it's ok so long as it averages out in a certain time period (17 weeks) so he would still get a chunk of time off. Look it up.
Doesn't matter if it's dodgy, the state will see his taxes and be like wtf, especially if he's working 56 hours like you claim.
But you are acquaintances now. You don't really know each other. You had a relationship in the past for a small period of time and you became strangers. I would consider you guys acquaintances once again. It happens with friendships and relationships often.
Ok, but people are trying to discuss it with you too. You are saying "this 2 month relationship that ended 2 YEARS ago makes me want to kill myself and affects my day to day life", how do you expect people not to reply and be like get help?
We're trying to make you understand that your feelings are… well, not normal to put it bluntly. You claim you have depression but those behaviours are not attributed with depression at all, I'm not trying to diagnose you here or anything because I'm not a doctor but I can't help but agree with the other anon. It sounds like you have a Cluster B personality disorder rather than depression (people with CBPD can be diagnosed with depression at first by mistake just fyi).
Again I'm not a doctor but! It just sounds like this shit has been going on for 2 years unnecessarily and it sounds more like something is going on with you internally rather than the ex bf and stuff. So if you tackle it, you might be able to feel better. You know what I mean?
No. 99975
>>99974She's got it mate read the last few posts she's seeking help.
It sounds like she's in an area with poor options and a mental health care gap. The current provider seems reluctant to bring up cluster b personality disorders.
I think the best we can really do now is wait and see if she gets back to us with a result.
No. 100037
File: 1467272042313.jpg (105.76 KB, 1280x720, Dinosaur Jr - Freak Scene.jpg)
>still friends with ex>we broke up because he didn't have feelings for him anymore>after we broke up we didn't talk to each other for about 4 months>after that 4 months we slowly became cool with each other and remained as a friends >we talk like once a month on phone or skype>feel like I'm just talking to an old friend and all those romantic feelings were from another life>he gets a new girlfriend>suddenly take more interest in his life and obsessively check his Facebook everyday >he invites me to a party where he'll perform music with his new girlfriend>watch him perform this song with her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wn-njpBoVEEit was absolutely heart wrenching
No. 100068
>>100037Anon I'm so sorry :( I'd have been torn between dying to go and also dying if I went
I sometimes hope/wish that one day my ex would regret that he broke up with me. I know it sounds conceited. But… we were so much and there was so much that I can't imagine that he'd just forget like that.
Ngl, sometimes I fantasize about really bad things happening to me just to contemplate if he would care or even notice. I imagine my funeral, or me having a fatal illness, or being in hospital, and thinking if he'd be there. I wonder who of my friends would be there by my side.
I have shown every symptom of BPD with my NPD ex (not the one I'm pining over now) and this time it's even more like hell because there was something good, something pure and joyful, worth holding on to. We didn't become friends just because we liked each other. We liked each other because we were friends. He was my best friend, that one person you could be yourself 100% and you just create this little mutual universe together, a language of your own, mutual dreams, ambitions, plans.
Like fuck, man. It hurts so much. He's now living with his new girlfriend and studying and having a blast doing the amazing shit and I wake up every morning legit disorientated about who I am and where I am and what is going on. Like I stare into the void for a few minutes trying to nudge my brain into being "me". It's not fucking fair.
No. 100478
File: 1467661979765.jpg (51.76 KB, 391x364, 1456643090199.jpg)
>tfw your boyfriend of 6 years just claimed to be gay the whole time
We met at high school and dated after we graduated and spent alot of time together. After some time we just broke up because he said he just didn't love me anymore. I didn't put up a fight, but it messed me up real bad.
This year he started messaging me again saying he wants to be friend again. We would talk and joke around, and eventually he opened up to me and told me he was gay and only inhabited feeling for men the whole time. He told me he was sorry for putting me through the relationship. He then spoke about his boyfriend and how he was getting a pride tattoo.
I don't know what to do or feel. I feel like I've been tricked and betrayed. I feel fucking stupid. I didn't expect to get back with him ever again but not for him to tell me our whole relationship was a lie or a cover up.
No. 100481
>>100478I'm sure he loved you, and if you had sex I wouldn't be so quick to trust him to be entirely gay.
It took me a while to find out I was bi and honestly, I can imagine what it's like for people like him and it's not really as if he was acting and pretending the whole time. He wasn't sure and didn't admit it to himself.
Older guys who know who tf they are and have had previous gay relationships are a whole 'nother story tho.
No. 100492
File: 1467667409535.jpg (52.18 KB, 378x504, Fucked_302fbb_48645.jpg)
>>100325>>100326HE DOUBLE POSTED
HE DOUBLE POSTED
No. 100499
File: 1467670595582.gif (1.4 MB, 375x283, 1411716489817.gif)
>>100496
>massive dicknever ceases to
trigger me
No. 102097
For me I think I now feel more rage towards my Ex than still love him. But I know I'm still attached to him.
>First 3 months he was perfect
>flower deliveries, gifts from amazon, compliments, open about loving me ect
>I fall HARD
>I let him take my virginity
>another month or so and the "honeymoon phase" is clearly over
>He starts being shady, talking to other girls a bit more than what made my comfortable
>deleted ALL pictures, statuses, untagged himself from every picture that involved him and I
>"um, why did you do that"
> "I want to be a bit more private"
>fast forward another month or so and its my birthday, first birthday away from my family.
>I live alone and asked if he would like to come visit me during that weekend
>after begging that i wouldn't spend the day alone i spent £200 worth of traveling cost for him to come see me (he lived quite far away)
>He is in the shower and his phone is 24/7 buzzing, i glance over to see a nude some girl has send him
>100% triggered
>I shouldn't have, but i fucking searched through his phone to find him flirting with others and telling him hes single.
>it my fucking birthday.jpeg
>crying.
>why you crying anon???
>"aw im just going to miss you is all" - i couldn't confront him, i regret being such a pussy
>a week goes by, one of my close family member dies, i am torn apart
>that whole week he was ignoring me ect, i didnt tell him that i knew what was on his phone
>he hasnt messaged me in 2 days
>tell him about death
>"oh, sorry. idk what to say"
>talk to him for a bit, or i talk to myself that is. Doesn't reply for the rest of the day, see him online ect so im more upset.
>day after that death, "I was progress in life and there isn't any in this relationship. We're breaking up"
>turns out when i was trying to deal with a family death myself, we was trying to fuck another girl. and broke up with me because i got "sad" and he didn't want to deal with it.
He could have waited to do that, i fell into depression for about a month and lost about 2stone in weight. He got with some hoe he used to flirt with infront of me, no surprise there.
No. 102100
>>102099The first month after breaking up I was a mess. I dont have depression but that month of hell for me i can safely say is was depression, the doctors tried to give me stuff but i knew i'd get over it. I couldnt eat, Sleep or study. I spend my days with my curtains closed sobbing in bed. I tried to eat bread and small stuff and drink water, my body just rejected it.
After that hell, i went out a bit more and met the guy im with now. And i know he will never treat me like that.
Needless to say, even if anyone goes through such shit, there is ALWAYS someone who is going to love you.
But at least once a week he will pop into my head, just at how shit i was treated. I have no idea how anyone could do that. His current girlfriend self posts on CGL and posts me occasionally. Shes always called out for vendetta luckily. I've only met her once when i was with him, and i could tell that they both liked each other, the moment she found out about us she tried to fuck him asap.
No. 102121
>>102097absolutely heart wrenching. i'm so sorry this happened, but its good to know you're doing better now.
i don't understand how i constantly see men treating their partners like this, i see it time and time again, and i'm really starting to just think every man cheats, don't bother.
inb4 misandry..this stuff just gets me so sad and angry :(
No. 102277
>>102121Thanks Anon. It was bad, he knew i came from a history of people cheating on me. When he first got with the other girl I felt sorry for her because i later found out he did something similar to his Ex before me. But after all the shit talking, posting on 4chan and slandering everything i do after i've been nothing but nice to her, i hope he breaks her heart too. They both deserve it, I know he'll get bored eventually and cheat on her. He cheated on his ex with me which i later found out too.
I wish I knew that before all that shit happened.
No. 102293
File: 1468210231182.jpg (12.79 KB, 480x332, 13432427_1105663652825590_2053…)
I had a long distance, mostly online BDSM-esque relationship (don't ask, I was going through a weird phase) that eventually lead to me flying out to a foreign country to spend a month with him.
He was insanely good at talking the dominant talk online, but it really didn't translate well IRL. In person, he was controlling and kind of creepy. I didn't enjoy most of what we did sexually and felt pressured to perform the entire time. He took a bunch of pictures and videos of me during sex even though I told him I didn't feel comfortable with that. One night, we were both drinking, and I had a little too much. One second, I was crying to him about my familial problems, and the next minute he was taking my anal virginity. I don't think I consented and he may have technically raped me, which has been the hardest thing to get past about the entire relationship.
Still, communication was easier with him than anyone else I'd ever met up until that point in my life. He was also the first person to tell me he loved me, and I genuinely believed at the time that I loved him back. When he dumped me, I almost killed myself because I had nothing else going for me at the time. Losing him felt like losing a leg.
I don't miss him, nor would I ever consider dating him again, but it was such an incredibly intense relationship, both in good and bad ways, that it's been 4 years and I still have a hard time reflecting on everything. The whole experience feels so surreal, especially the part about me taking off spontaneously to a foreign country, that it's almost hard to believe the whole thing even happened.
Ironically, I met my current bf only 2 weeks after this break-up, which was such a blessing it almost makes me want to believe in a higher power.
Sorry for lack of green text. Didn't seem right for this kind of story.
No. 102330
>>102317I'm happy people are supporting me with this to be honest. The only person who knows is my friend who is also friends with him and my current boyfriend. Luckily my friend is amazing and sticks up for me when hes talking shit when im not there. She has never told others in our friend circle what happened but he was trying to tell people i was going to kill myself. Which is completely 100% untrue, i would NEVER get to that. She shut him down and told him she knows EVERYTHING and how much of an ass he is. He clearly stfu and walked away from the group in one of his famous tantrums and my friend kinda hinted on what had happened. Turned out he had been saying I was trying to force him to be with me and I was making up mental illnesses, that I would drop out of University ect. Which funny enough, is what he told me his girlfriend before me did, nice pattern he is creating for himself.
Cute thing is, he was the one threatening to self harm while I forced him to skype with me because i was so upset about all the events coming together and i just wanted to talk to him and not read text on a screen. I thought he at least owed me a call.
She is my only friend other than my boyfriend so i'm really lucky to have such an amazing person on my side to stick up for me when im not there.
No. 102333
>>102330I'm glad for your friend, too! I'm not sure how you didn't confront him. I would have been shaking with rage if I found out my bf had been cheating on me and flirting with other girls.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope it doesn't colour your opinion of your next boyfriend. Like, that you feel you can't trust him. Because I know from being with a former flirt that it fucked me up a little bit until I realised that my next bf was really loyal to me. But I felt so bad for how paranoid I was.
I'm so glad that you feel better. Seriously, anon. Your story made me so angry. One day this guy will just be a bad passing memory.
No. 102343
>>102333Thank you so much anon for being so kind! I take small stuff like this to heart so thanks ^^
And When I first got my current boyfriend, i did have some issues but they quickly went away, he is so loyal and amazing I couldn't believe it at first!
I'm surprised I didn't confront him too to be honest, it's totally my personality type to do something like that. I think it was mostly the depression that gave me a personality change and I pussied out, also the fact that he lived a good few hours away.
To be honest I thought I would get a bit of backlash for admitting to searching through his phone, but he was so protective of it I just had to do something when I saw that picture pop up.
I still think of him, and I think its the fact he did take my virginity, which surprisingly I'm not too bothered about. But I will always have that connection of him being my first I guess. I just hope in the passing months i forget more and more about him. I'm yet to see him face to face since the breakup, so i have no idea how i would react if I did see him.
I also check up on how him and his new Gf are doing every once and a while, it seems hes started to become more and more private lately by deleting and untagging. So its likely he'll go through the same cycle again.
No. 102366
>>>102343
our stories are way too similar, anon, it makes me kind of sick.
i lost my virginity in the same kind of situation, a guy who swore up and down that he was head-over-heels for me. he claimed that he was moving to australia, so we couldn't officially 'date' because he'd be gone within a month. i found out later from a mutual friend that it was because, while he'd been fucking me, he was also gearing up to move to Chicago in order to be with his long-distance girlfriend.
and that's why I can't take men seriously anymore. especially the ones that get all enraged and squeal-y about women who don't still have their hymens intact, the filthy whores!!
to this day, i still don't trust men. 90% of them are out to get their dicks wet, regardless of the consequences to themselves or (more likely) their victims.
even my last serious relationship, a guy who I dated for two years and was seriously considering marrying, ended because he couldn't resist as soon as one of my female housemates (in a relationship/marriage that had lasted even longer, five years) made a pass at him.
No. 102392
>>102366This is what confuses me too. I don't understand why this happens without any concern for the other party in question.
All I can hope is that word gets around about these guys and they can struggle to get into any other relationships.
It is a HUGE put off at the fact 2 years of loyalty is gone in 0.5 seconds because the chance of getting some comes up.
All I want is an answer from these guys as of why, just why do they do this over and over again when they know how much it hurts the other party? Completely selfish.
No. 102471
>>102400This happened in college?
How old were you?
Also, that guy was a scumbag. Please get over him.
No. 102681
I did the stupid lesbian thing of falling in love with my best friend. Almost no psych health people I've talked to took me seriously because it was "just online relationship and not real". Anywy I need to vent because according to my friends I'm just childish for not being able to let go. Sorry this is tl;dr as fuck probably but I've never told this whole story to anyone before
This all started over 7 years ago.
>Late teens, meet girl on lj in the same fandom
>quickly become friends, really close, talk every day on msn, adjust my whole schedule to her since she lives on the other side of the fucking earth and fucking timezones
>Maybe half a year later realize I'm completely in love with her, never been in love before
>can't do much about it, at the time I'm in another relationship that I can't get out of (that's a whole other story)
>just stay bffs with her, I'm happy just being close to her
>fast forward a few years, my mom dies
>obviously super depressed about it, need support from close ones more than ever
>don't hear a word from bff for like half a year
>everyone around me calling her a bitch for bailing, I keep defending her
>contact her again because I can't be without her
>we go back to "normal" for a while, but after a while she bails again (can't remember the reason this time)
>a few years pass, still can't stop thinking about her
>contact her again
>go back to normal
>decide to finally confess
>she's happy
>ask her to be my gf
>she says yes
>i'm so fucking happy
>have been saving money for a few years so I could go see her
>she's happy I want to come see her
>empty savings account to pay for tickets and a nice hotel in her city so she can have a staycation since she's never traveled anywhere
>pressure from university is insane atm, am about to break and get more and more depressed but still has love of my life and trip to look forward to
>one day when we're talking she tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be my friend
>I'm extremely depressed at this point already, and her breaking up with me makes me go into full retard mode, delete all my online accounts etc
>i don't know what to do, clean up all my shit and attempt suicide
>dad comes home earlier than what he said he would and finds me unconscious, gets me to ER and all that shit
>have to spend some time in hospital and then closed psych ward
>come home, log into skype, she has deleted me
>message her like "wtf why'd you delete me"
>"i can't handle being around you"
>luckily I have friends who are taking care of me so I try to move on
>this was last spring
>still think about her every day
>stalk her blog every now and then
>still suicidal because I feel like I'll never be able to fall in love with someone else
I wonder if she ever still thinks about me. I won't try to contact her again although sometimes when I'm drunk I get urges to send anonymous hate messages to her because I never got to be angry at her when she left. I never have, a part of me just want to call her out on all her shit but I also want to be mature and not start drama. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me honestly
No. 102695
>broke up last yr
>stupid internet ldr
>ex helped me get through a suicidal phase, was legit about to off myself but talking to him made me not wanna do that
>start flirting and kinda inofficially dating
>start dating few months later despite us both hating the distance, everything's nice, everything's wonderful, he's my ideal type
>just what my depressed suicidal ass with loads of issues needed, always made me feel good about myself and gave me confidence
>first 6 months best relationship of my life, think i've found The One, unironically call each other soulmates (ew)
>"i've never thought i'd date ever again until i met you"
>kept saying all these nice things and making loads of (empty) promises
>suddenly starts being controlling, tells me to stop hanging out with my friends so much, otherwise we'll have to break up
>starts criticising me for everything i do, reacts aggressive to criticism from my side
>believed his abusive ass
>started feeling worthless, depressed, suicidal again because of that, plus i see him flirting with other people and he knew i have major trust issues
>wants a break because my life revolves too much around him (wtf did you expect after isolating me from my friends honestly)
>breaks up 3 days later, tells me he still loves me and that when i'm better we can get together again
>start to work on myself to get better
>"you're just doing that to please me"
>ugly phase where i say i dont want contact because i can't handle it, when i come back he's being a pissbaby about it, we talk on and off
>from nice cute talks to arguing ever so often
>he talks shit about me, denies it, gets extremely aggressive when i lightly implied he could've been lying to me, keeps saying "i'm the most honest person you will ever meet!"
>keep on and off talking because i just can't let go even though he did a lot of shitty things to me
>august last yr he ignores my texts, i get fed up, block him everywhere
>still didn't get better, still miss him so much and want him back
>said to my friend his biggest fear is that i'll spend a lot of time hating myself and eventually hurting myself
>bitch didn't care that all of this happened
>also second person to break up with me saying "you're just too depressed" thanks, doesn't make me feel like nobody can ever love me or anything
tl;dr i have too many issues to expect anyone to love me and i'm still in love with this asshole in a twisted way