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Previous one >>80845
Let's scream about anything into the anonymous imageboard abyss and we'll try and help eachother out
That method never seemed painless, efficient, and it seems like it has a lot of margin of error.
Not gonna tell you how to kill yourself but I'll tell you that isn't the way, if there is even just a tiny leak or something you will feel immense panic, dread, and probably fear in your final moments assuming you don't instinctively pull the bag off your head.
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>my period's started
>right before exams week
I live in the UK, I'm originally Polish as I moved when I was nine. I know about NATO, I also know how the 'representative' of it takes orders from the american millitary. Eider way I know that if they show up in a country it will soon go to shit. >>97060
That's sort of true but nor really. Its the Polish 'rednecks' that are like that. My mum's family is super normal with all the girls in the family are doctors and such. I just think that they are really backwards in general, they are not like that to the rest of my female cousins through.
Sorry for the novel in advance but I feel so retarded.
>be Eastern Euro (not Russian, Ukrainian or Polish) studying in another Euro country (not the UK, Germany or Ireland)
>learning the language and integrating fairly nicely, but nobody wants to hire me
>sent hundreds of job apps, get rejected every time, but suddenly get an invite for an interview
>employer tells me I'll have unpaid training for 'anywhere from 2 to 4 days' and then start working
>btw employer is a Chinese guy, the store is newly opened and they sell counterfeit goods to tourists. Most employees are Russian students who can't find a job elsewhere. Looks shifty af, but I don't have a choice
>work there (full hours) for a week and a half, did more than my fair share of work, worked my ass off
>do photography as a hobby so boss asks me to take some pics for the company - sure why not, if that's what it takes
>boss promises he'll sign the job contract but every day something comes up - printer is broken, forgot, etc etc
>tells me I should take a break, I've been working non stop for over a week and it's illegal
>ok.jpg, get day off
>on day off boss emails me and asks to send him pictures
>tells me I should rest some more, he'll message me about the contract later, his accountant is going over it
>send him pictures but start getting suspicious, this is fishy
>tells me I have the next day off, but I come to work anyway because I'd forgotten something there
>manager literally shooes me away, says I'm being unfair to other workers, she'll tell me when I need to come etc
>kinda figure something bad is gonna happen but keep telling myself I'm just being paranoid
>get email that I'm fired on the same day.
I still have RAWs of the photos and emails as proof but it sucks that they did it so underhandedly without even paying me. I'm complaining to like 5 different unions on Monday, don't know what else to do.
I'm mostly sad because my coworkers were wonderful and I'm gonna miss them so much.
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>have sex for the first time yesterday
>say to myself I won't get clingy and want more sex afterwards
>I'm super clingy for some fucking reason
>we're having sex again tomorrow
>he told me he loved me before we fucked
>I told him that was gross and that I hate romance
>now I feel like I actually want to tell him I love him back
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I have a small dick and it's driving me insane.
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I'm going back to the states to visit my family for a month or two this summer. the original plan was to just take it easy and veg out at my parents home until I go back, but my boyfriend suddenly sprung it on me that him and his sister are planning on coming to my State to spend two weeks and wanted to know if it was okay to stay at my parents place. Of course my family is okay with it, but I am just kind of bummed that I have to do regular things. I've lived abroad for the past 2 years, so I never really got my permit upgraded to a license, so in three weeks I have to get back into the groove of driving and take the driving test to get my license. All while I am still doing my regular work from home (Its my vacation, I want to be lazy dammit!) For two weeks I have to go out and do all of this dumb tourist stuff and waste my money driving us around, eating out, and paying entry prices to a lot of overpriced attractions. They also want to go to some other city 4 hours away by car, but I don't have a car that I can use for a whole day or two, so we have to take that Amtrak and pay for a hotel. I also feel guilty because my hometown isn't particularly exciting, and even if we go to some fun attractions I am worried they will still be bored or feel like they should have just gone to New York or Los Angeles instead. Our house does have a pool, so maybe that will be a good excuse to just stay home and relax for a few days, since I couldn't find much to schedule to fill in the whole two weeks.
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I have BDD and I'm constantly on the verge of killing myself because of it. I know that sounds like an overreaction, but just being in my body makes me suicidal. I can't look in mirrors, I can't look at myself naked, I can't wear bathing suits or shorts or almost any clothes, I can't even touch any part of my body without having a damn near heart attack.
I've been going to therapy since I was a child for semi-unrelated reasons but none of it helps. No medication helps, no dumb breathing exercises help, none of it helps.
I'm about to just kill myself and hope I get reincarnated into a body that I can live in without having a breakdown every day. Or I can just rot into nothingness forever, that's fine too.
Hello darkness my old friend - this is the eternal struggle of introverted hermits. Here are some suggestions.
You need to fill some of these activity days with less intense indoor activities that they still perceive as fun and creative. Board games, movie/tv marathons on your couch (with decadent junk food, a pillow fort, full laziness), cooking and baking new recipes together, barbeque on the lawn, read 50 shades out loud. Buy art supplies and paint or sculpt even if you don't know how - make fun of your creations, with music and snacks. Trying to paint each other might be hilarious. A park picnic, gaming event, theme party, roast marshmallows and watch spoopy videos, etc. Or something practical yet fun, like design and redecorate a room together, go shopping for new clothes with them (make a show as you try things on) AND host a garage sale to get rid of the old clutter. If you need to do tedious things like grocery shopping or washing and walking pets, do it with them so they see a lot of you. Fill these otherwise dull moments with conversation, photographs, joking between the 3 of you on social media so they won't forget it. You can find a lot more suggestions on the net from experienced introverts, I'm sure.
To really sell it, tell them you want to spend "quality, personal" time with them. Talking, getting to know them and JUST them - rather than dealing with crowds and long lines. To get out of something complicated complain "it's such a small town, everything's so far, I don't want to spend TOO much time on a bus," and suggest something better and family-oriented. Your activities can be relaxing, like a spa, nail salon, theater, laying on the beach all day. If all else fails, get them REALLY exhausted from your activities so all they want to do is relax. Also, drink coffee.
You can explain your feelings to your family and they'll be in on this, helping you entertain them. They probably want to keep you at home too.
I think she will appreciate enough that you feel enough remorse about the ordeal to replace the necklace. I think just giving her the necklace as a token and sincerely apologising in person would mean a lot to her.
Possibly invite her out to breakfast or lunch or something?
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>Partner had a kid when he was 16.
>Raised the kid and loved him very much.
>Learned the kid wasn't even his when he tried to sue for custody.
>Has still remained the kid's life regardless.
>Mother is BPD and actually tried to smother him his is sleep when he was 3. Is terrible to him basically his whole life.
>Kid is starved for positive attention from his mother.
>"Father" takes care of him and has unofficial primary custody of him for years.
>Start dating partner and go into kid's life around age 11. He's sad and needs a comforting female influence so I jump in.
>Kid flourishes and gets good grades and a great social life with the both of us. We think everything is golden for years.
>Mother basically ignores him and us.
>Kid suddenly starts getting positive attention from his mother that he's starved for at age 17.
>Mother gets arrested for dealing and the kid lies to save her.
>Goes to live with his mother, mostly to take care of her crack baby from who knows whom.
>Kid turns 18 and is basically live in nanny to crack baby.
>Haven't heard from the kid since he decided to go live with his mother.
>Kid suddenly comes home unannounced saying he "misses" us. He's only here to ask for money.
>Partner is just so grateful to see him again he doesn't see his manipulations out of love.
Getting so sick of this too, I didn't mind it a little bit, but I can't take someones heartbreaking grievance story seriously when they just said 'hunty'. >>97537
That's some really heavy stuff, good luck to you guys. I wouldn't even know where to draw the line between firm and caring there.
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(posted in the wrong vent thread, my bad)
I fucking hate that the hobby I invest the most time into is filled with shut ins and introverts and no one wants to leave their house to get a cup of coffee.
The only way I can interact with most knitters and crocheters my age is online through IRC or discord, and I brought up the topic of World Wide Knit in Public Day and asked if people were doing anything cool and most replies were pretty much "Nope, I'm a hermit, and I don't like the public :DD" like that's something to be proud of
For real are you fucking kidding me
I mean I get along with most ladies I meet at the needle arts socials I go to, but for once I wish I can actually have someone around my age to talk to.
>inb4 get a new hobby stupid
I founded the one at my uni, and people ended up either dropping out due to lack of interest, "wah it's so hard" and left, stole supplies under the guise of "I'll finish it in my dorm", or just signed up for emails and never came to a meeting.
Big factor is that I was a commuter student so hours were limited. Even then when I tried making a later session, it was just maybe 1-2 people. I just kind of gave up on it because the amount of time I've put into social media/email promotions with very little turnout wasn't worth the headache anymore.
I ended up transferring my leadership to the leader of the unofficial DnD group because he knows how to knit and can now reserve rooms for his game nights in the student center without going though the absurd amount of paperwork needed for starting a club kek
I'm secretly really bitter about the fact that i've been single for the longest time in my life (since i got my first bf at 14), which is about 6 months by now (i'm 24 now). I feel empty and lonely all the time because i used to put so much of my own happiness in the hands of others (i.e guys that dumped me/cheated on me in the end anyway). I tell everyone, including my family, that i'm sick of dating, that i don't need anyone, that i'm gonna focus on rebuilding myself for the time being etc etc… But every night i cry-wank myself to sleep while the though of the perfect relationship with someone that loves me as much as i love them pierce through the remaning parts of my almost completely hollowed out heart. I'm anything but a NEET, i do stuff and go to work all day, i even met a cute guy though work that seems interested, but i know it's not gonna last so for the first time in my life i don't even give a fuck anymore. But deep down i know that the only thing that truly makes me happy is having intimate loving sex. I'm so fucking pathetic, i can't appreciate anything other in life than having sex with a hot dude, everything else feel like a fucking chore. I think i need to re-program my whole brain in order to become a normal happy person, but since o've also been depressed for years and years it's not gonna happen anytime soon.
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Seriously though, relationships should be an addition to your already good life, you don't need a man to complete you.
Honestly you should just go on with your life and try to find happiness in your job or friends etc. Doing otherwise will just make you needy, dependent and vulnerable.
Ah, yeah I can see how that's a problem. The one at my school was already fairly established. I guess it was nice for what it was (but the turnout was personalities I don't really care for so I stopped going)
Have you tried meetup.com? not sure where you're located but any decent sized city might have a knitting circle or something
Have you always had an easy time getting guys?
You may have just learned to rely on that for self-meaning instead of finding meaning in yourself through your own actions like >>97746
is talking about.
Try being single for 5 years.
Last time I had a gf was in 2011.
I'm 21 now, and everyone around me is either sleeping with strangers every weekend or in a long term relationship. Meanwhile I'm on trulia looking up which trailer I'm going to spend the rest of my life in.
You might not believe me, but I don't act that way at all in person. My life is pretty good, I'm going to college and have a decent amount of friends. The only friend I really talk to about this stuff is one close friend from childhood.
I just get lonely, and sometimes wish I had a gf to do all of that wishy washy crap with.
Though I wont lie, it also makes me feel shitty about myself being single for so long while most of my friends are dating left and right. Part of the reason is that I want to feel valuable again, and not like some kind of monster or creep.
I know validation is a bad reason to be in a relationship. Maybe I should buy the trailer after all.
>>97865>"oh no I'm already 21 (even though that's barely an adult) I have my whole life ahead of me, but have zero ambition or at least short term goals, and zero interest in trying to figure some out." >if you're not already doing alright for yourself (and if you were, you'd probably not be thinking this way anyway), this just signals to a girl to expect the relationship to be unchanging and mediocre.
I feel like this is pretty much how my bf thinks. Though he never really had trouble with girls and dating, he has this attitude about pretty much else in his life. He's going to college, but he is going to classes maybe once or twice a week, and he just doesn't seem to be able to get his ass up and finish his degree. He will probably need at least two additional semesters. He doesn't know what job he really wants to do, he hasn't had a job for over two years now, and aside from going to class once in a blue moon he is pretty much living the NEET style and playing video games all day long.
Sometimes I suspect he might have mild depression or other issues, and he has mentioned he wanted to get counseling, but he has yet to actually do
anything. And I can't really help him there, if he's not willing to either change or get help (I suggested both and offered help in looking for options) there's nothing I can do.
I struggle with tendencies for depression and anxiety myself, and it's a constant battle to get out of bed, get my stuff done, do paperwork, study, write applications, job interviews… So I feel like him just doing nothing is somewhat "mocking" all the effort I put into my life. I'm doing my best to at least try
, and somehow hold my life together; but all he does is nothing.
There's absolutely no ambition from him, outside of our romantic relationship. He is a great guy, gentle, understanding, romantic and so on, and I do love him. I really do. But that's not enough for a relationship. Especially since I leave college this year, and will probably either get a job or an additional apprenticeship in my degree-related field. Work full time, stress, bitchy co-workers, all the joys that come with work… All while he will continue his NEET style, at least that's what I suspect. I wanna move into my very own apartment, get a job, join the "real" world, and I feel like he's left behind.
So I'm waiting until I have my further career path confirmed, but honestly I feel like breakig up with him, because in the state we're in right now I see zero future. :/
anon you quoted here.
that's a pretty similar situation with my ex. and it didn't work. I was trying to work out what to do after school, and how to get to where I want to be and he was continuing to complain about things in his power to fix (weight gain, living with his parents) without moving towards finding solutions. When the gf is the one with more ambition, you will inevitably end up playing mommy, and if you're the type to worry about being too nagging, then you start walking on eggshells and that isn't a good outcome for a relationship. I would say he was a good guy and everything, but his reaction to the breakup put me off, to say the least. The most I can do now is hope he does better for himself.
I broke it off with him, and my current bf is more put together. It's honestly great. I can pursue what I want/need to and I know I can take my eye off of him while I'm busier and know he'll be ok. Having someone who recognizes and supports your ambition is extremely motivating. If you have tendencies with depression and anxiety, a partner who isn't even trying
to overcome the same is a detriment imo.
As that other anon said, a relationship should be an addition to your life. Not a subtraction. Don't let lazy bfs hold you back from being the best you can be.
Are you me, anons?
I'll preface this by saying that my bf is the sweetest, most caring, most patient, most clever person I've ever met. He's genuinely a great guy and his parents are just as wonderful.
But god fucking damn it he just keeps sabotaging his own attempts at getting ahead in life. He's 23 and still hasn't graduated high school, doesn't want to do anything in life, doesn't want to TRY to do anything that isn't piss easy, he can cook really well but he'd rather live on frozen pizza and macaroni casseroles for the rest of his life. His clothes look like shit, he just doesn't understand the concept of having to do something unpleasant for his own sake. He always complains that we're poor but when I ask him to help me make a meal plan for the week he rolls his eyes and acts like a spoilt teenage girl and looks at me like I'm Satan for dragging him away from his shitty Vsauce videos or video games. I moved to be with him but when I asked him to move with me so we could be together during my exchange year he didn't want to because 'I don't like it there' and 'my parents are here'.
Granted he'll do what I tell him but if I don't boss him around he'll just sit in one spot for a week. Sometimes I'm afraid he's gonna sprout roots in that chair.
>>97914>Long time NEETs often bring others down with them.
So far I am doing okay, and sometimes his bad example even motivates me tbh. But he does drag me down a lot, and more and more I find excuses why not to see him. The thought of visiting him in his appartment, which almost always is a mess (dirty dishes, clothes everyhwere, leftover food or packaging everywhere), and having to talk about his newest vidya adventures is just depressing. Especially because he could have soooo much more to offer, he knows so much about sience, unlike me he really keeps up with global news and politics, I can have a good discussion with him. But honestly his day is at least 70% video games and internet and so are his talks. >>97918
He had ambitions, I think. At least enough to get away from his weird, toxic family and move into an own appartment. He also used to have jobs a few years ago. But now, nothing. No money, no ob, and his parents keep paying for all his expenses. And to me the worst thing is, he doesn't even seem to be very bothered by this.
I currently have to live with my parents, and until I can start full time work there is no way to move out. I absolutely hate this situation, but at least I can work part time to save up some money or go out once in a while. If we
ever go out, almost always we either pay sepreately or I pay simply because he usually cannot afford to invite me. He would
if he had the money, but he has no ambitions to work for his money. >>97941
I feel you on some level. But even I don't have to boss around my bf that much, and at least he graduated High School. Honestly Anon if he doesn't even move and you constantly
have to "boss him around, aka be his mommy, just leave him now. Our bf have a lot in common, but honestly your situation seems a lot worse. Get out while you can, he is absolutely now worth it
Hopefully he'll follow your example and get his life together when you get your career going and your own place.
I don't think you should bring him along though, next thing you know you won't have a boyfriend but a man-child roommate
Maybe, for you two, taking a break might help. Not an outright breakup straightaway since you guys seem to care for these losers. Take a couple weeks off from contacting them and focus on yourselves for a bit. Consider your life and future, and how you feel during that time. Sometimes it's hard to take a necessary objective view of your situation while in the thick of it.
If you feel lighter and more positive and maybe happier when not having to deal with a loser NEET bf holding you back, maybe that's when you should really consider calling it quits.
It's also possible that during this time the bf will do some introspection himself and maybe recognize his issues and want to make a change
If you're 18 which you should be posting to this imageboard
you must've graduated by now then? You need to start becoming independent. Whether that's going into college and staying in a dorm, getting a job so you can eventually move out, or just joining the military it's about time for you to get out on your own and stop making it so you have
to depend on your dad. If you're a legal adult he can't make you do anything unless you aren't able to financially support yourself or if there's some crazy law in the country you're in. I don't know if he finds you to be a nuisance but I think it will be better all around for you to get some independence.
I am 18 yes, living in the UK. I'm hoping to move out for university, I think I'll just get a bank loan for the accommodation/dorm deposit. >>98051
Yes my dad is Muslim.
He will hate me if/when I move out, for bringing "shame" onto him, disobeying the rules and embarrassing him in front of his Muslim friends.
I've told him this is England, that he should adapt, but he stands by his traditions and rules. My (non religious) mum says she's won him round for things he responded to like this by just doing it and showing him that there's a good side.
At times this all just makes me feel powerless, wanting to sit in my room all day wasting time. I don't want to have to get married to some Muslim guy my dad picked out in order to leave the house (I'm not allowed to move out because girls can't stay away from home at night says dad). But i just feel scared of everything that will happen between my family and me if/when I move out for university.
>>98116>I am 18 yes, living in the UK. I'm hoping to move out for university, I think I'll just get a bank loan for the accommodation/dorm deposit.
This is a really, really stupid plan. You're eighteen with no income, so you will never be able to get a bank loan big enough to cover this shit. Not to mention you'd be in crippling debt that you'd have to pay back immediately after you left uni. If you don't know this already you've clearly been sheltered as fuck and living on your own is going to be really fucking hard.
This is a viable option for you - Run away from home. Apply for student finance like everyone else, but you claim to be estranged from your parents. But there are a couple of things to bear in mind if you do this; You do not speak to either of your parents AT ALL, EVER
for anything as far as student finance are concerned. You can give them disowning you for wanting to pursue your education as a reason, and it's likely no one will question it. They will try and trick you by asking if you have any contact with any of your parents, and you need to say no.
If you go this route you'll get the most money, and you'll have to repay less (They change the proportion of loan to grant depending on your circumstances) You'll also get support and help in other areas. But if you start speaking to your parents again, it's fraud and obviously that has massive consequences.
Her family is fucked up and she's sheltered, but that's an equally stupid plan anon. You can't go from totally smothered to not talking to your family at all (if she did that she would essentially be dead to her dad's side of the family as well), that's not sustainable. I am speaking from experience – You can't become totally independent and Westernized overnight, that's unrealistic and setting yourself up for failure.
If you can, original anon, do things that give you a sense of confidence, discipline, and independence. If you can get a job, that's ideal, but if you can't, throw yourself into your school work and social life, anything that will get you out of the house. Accept rides from friends, be involved in extracurriculars, etc. Anything that will get you to not obsess over your father's smothering. I know it's hard to see your friends and peers move out and be free, but your day will come too. Just do your best to get out of your room, both physically and mentally.
This is how most people learn to be self sufficient and independent, by moving away from home to go to uni. It's not that big of a leap and there's tons of support available for people in her situation.
If she wants to go to uni she had to apply for a loan from student finance. That is the only way to do it in the UK. If she wants student finance, her parents will have to agree to back her claim and submit all of their financial information. If they do not do this, her application will be denied. The only way to be granted student finance without your parents backing is to have been self sufficient with proof of it for at least three years. (Payslips, jobseekers entitlement letters etc. For every single day) Unless you are estranged from your parents. If she wants to go to uni, has two options; convincing her parents or estranging them. Otherwise she wont be able to finance it.
She's eighteen so she's finished school. (It's not even high school, it's college in the UK) so IDK what you're talking about extracurriculars for. We don't even really have them here anyway.
I'm saying this as someone who had the opportunity to go to uni at eighteen taken away from them. Getting in when you're older is so much fucking hassle. Your college qualifications stop counting, so you have to redo college if you leave it too late. It's not free once you're over eighteen, you can't get government help or finance unless you're over 24. Not to mention that you're somewhat isolated from your peers because of the age gap. Don't let other people ruin your dreams.
There's electives though, and depending on where in the UK she lives she may be used to a completely different system than the one you're thinking of because to a lot of people apparently UK = England and friends.
I'm from NI and sometimes I don't get what the fuck half of my friends from England are on about because things are implemented differently in the North. Afaik the Scottish system is completely different from the rest of the UK. There's also multiple different paths she could've taken since not everybody goes to college.
Fwiw I had extracurriculars and took Gaeilge in primary school, so it's not set in stone or anything.
That's true enough, but all the student finance stuff is the same regardless of country. UCAS is what changes depending on the country. The hassle still increases exponentially the older you get though, that's true of everywhere.
And let's be real, there are more people in London than there are in Scotland, and we know she's brown. 9/10 chance she's in England, somewhere in the south.
>Fwiw I had extracurriculars and took Gaeilge in primary school, so it's not set in stone or anything.
I assumed (My bad) that she was talking about clubs, sports and shit like that, which are really really uncommon all over the UK. Plus school is out, so it's unlikely that they're running anyway.
I think this is the girl in the uni thread on /g/ and it sounds like she has already been accepted to uni, and just wants to move out of her parent's home for it. Maybe live on campus or somewhere nearby instead of commuting.
The uni is in the same town she lives in already so it makes sense for parents to just want their kid to stay home. It's cheaper that way too.
Anyway, running away from home and estranging yourself is a fucking awful idea given 1) how sheltered you are and 2) how unbudgingly religious your dad is. This will just reaffirm his traditions and make it even harder for him to move towards becoming Westernized. Your mother has good advice, do it, but do it positively to show him the good side. Running away will paint the whole thing as a big fat negative, and you won't ever recover that relationship, at least for a very long time. That other anon had good advice with looking for all-female housing, no-alcohol housing, all-Muslim housing etc.
I don't know how uni in the UK works, but if student groups are a thing try looking for a Muslim one or a female Muslim one and reach out to them for advice. I'm sure someone in that group will have a relatable experience.
Good luck anon
Finance and uni are completely different things here. You're accepted or rejected way before the university knows whether you've been approved for loans and whatnot. Just because she's been accepted already doesn't mean she's applied for student loans yet.
>he uni is in the same town she lives in already so it makes sense for parents to just want their kid to stay home. It's cheaper that way too.
It's actually not. You get more loans and less grants (Grants are completely free) if you stay at home. Staying at home for uni is just postponing the cost by giving yourself more future debt and robbing yourself of valuable life experience, which she needs because she's sheltered. The solution to becoming unsheltered is not hiding away, it's dropping yourself in at the deep end. Uni is basically your last chance in life to fuck up without it having any real consequences, it's your last chance to make mistakes and learn from them.
Universities in the UK only really offer places in halls (on campus accomodation) for first years, unless you have extreme circumstances or are somehow active in the community (Depends on the university and the halls in question for this though) So she's also throwing away her only chance of getting easy, cheap housing hassle free, with stipulations like no alcohol, all female, only muslims etc. Not gonna happen in second and third year, and she's probably going to be stuck living at home if she chooses to in first year because 99% of the time people live with their first year flatmates.
Honestly her family and her dad sound shit. Why would you want a relationship with someone who thinks you deserve less rights because of your sex? Because you share some DNA? It's fucking stupid and it shouldn't stop you from cutting toxic people out of your life. Family isn't that important. If more people disowned their shitty families instead of clinging to horrible people, people would be happier. Realistically her dad isn't going to change, people who grow up in cultures where they're taught that certain people are inferior rarely ever unlearn it. If they did, we wouldn't be plagued by racist, sexist, homophobic old people.
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Please give us a break.
I'll admit trying to live in one of the more expensive places in the state fresh out of college is pricey. I understand the dickings that come from choosing that sort of area and convenience, gladly. Why do you need a $3000 deposit? Why can't we do first month and a half, or two months? God damn.
It's just hard saving up at this point. Actually, no it isn't.
I am not good with money. I bring home probably 1200 a month. That could cover rent in its entirety and my boyfriend could cover food and cigarettes and our vice bullshit we need to cut back on. We could live here, but the deposit will set us back so hard I'm scratching my head.
I know I just need to work harder. Or sign up for affordable housing. I'm reluctant to sign up for food stamps but it would help. I don't want to because we buy cigarettes and weed and could easily afford it if we didn't.
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Most apartments within the price range (under $1000/mo) where I live ask for first month's rent, last month's rent, and a deposit equal to a month of rent… so fucking 3 months of rent before I can sign a lease. If they accept us on all other grounds, I still need $3000 dollars.
I have a credit score above 600, but the third party companies that do the work for the private property management companies want a score of at least 720 OR a co-signer..
Also, application fees can range from $20 to $35, and they're non-refundable, and you need to also pay that amount for your co-signer application.
So my boyfriend and I would, in most cases in the city, have to pay an additional $100 on top of the deposit of more than $2500. 3 months of rent just to get into a shitty building.
We've found some other places, it's just harder to find, some aren't as close to our places of work. I'm still confident we'll find something but I'd like to just get the hell out now.
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>working almost three jobs to take care of family with dad
>still living with my family
>26 year old virgin with only one gf that cheated on me
>was studying to be a teacher
>college on hold because no money
>no luck with girls because I'm fat(keep eating like shit because of my schedule) and depressed/tired as hell from working and have no time to take care of myself, also ugly
>no game thanks to working all the time since middle school
>if by some miracle a girl comes to like me I feel like I don't deserve any of it and don't want to make her unhappy with my shitty life
>neck deep in denbts thanks to dad
>lost all my drive to do anything
>feel like this'll be my whole life
>only entertainment I get is browsing and shitposting on imageboards on commute
>love my family too much to leave and start over
come sweet death
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I want someone in my life, I'm lonely, I want affection but at the same time I don't wanna fuck someone's life up at the same time. I just want to feel happy, debt free and healthy but guess it's not happening soon. I've been naturally depressed since forever but poverty and working non stop without any fun is killing me lately, I keep waking up at night screaming like a madman, cry out of nowhere, keep binge drinking shitty cheap booze with anti depressants. I can't handle this anymore, I'm fucking going insane and there no one and nothing to save me, not even myself.
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Lately i can't sleep in peace without it, I either wake up because of a nightmare or just can't sleep for hours. Stress is killing me slowly and eating my mind from inside.
I know what that's like, I've had coworkers/a boss talk shit about me behind my back at work
I really hope that isn't the case for you though, anon, and that you're just being a bit paranoid, which I think is normal when you start a new job. surely she must have been impressed with you if you got the job, right? try to stay positive and not dwell or worry too much
Okay we get it… your life sucks and you don't want to change anything about it
just shut up or kill yourself already
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>>98560>implying he'll do it
He'll just cry himself to sleep like every other worthless, spineless faggot
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Happy birthday anon!! ♥
Polite sage lol. Also, as soon as you anons started wishing me happy birthday, I got two messages from people I care very much about out :)
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Thank you so much at least you didn't told me to kill myself, I've been taking efexor xr since November I kinda get better(don't get suicidal anymore) I mostly feel frustrated. I'm trying to lose weight(lost 25 kg), trying to go back to music and astronomy again but my schedule is so packed with work I barely have time for them. I don't want a girlfriend at this moment, of course it'll be cool but I'm broke and too depressed for a relationship right now. It'll be just suffering for the poor girl. I used to be pretty good at playing drums, released some demos with my band in the past but no time for that now heh.
I'm on a peak hour train, it's raining buckets, and I'm so fucking angry right now. This dumb blonde basic bitch (who was carrying a soooo expensive MK Michael Kors bag) closes her umbrella as she's getting on and SHAKES it onto the people behind her. Why?? We're all wet as it is but would it be so hard just to stay back and shake it off, or shake it to the side? And this dumb old bitch was blocking the door which is only as wide as one person, and she had the fuckin gall to look bashful about it. Then get off the fucking tram and come back on instead of holding EVERYONE up?? Next we have autismo man, likely a robot of some kind, who kept throwing me looks because the tram is packed like a tin of sardines and I'm invading his precious personal space. :'( Boo fucking hoo, if you care about your personal space, don't fucking take public transport, and don't take it at peak hour on a rainy day? He's even got white hairs, life must be so difficult for your stinky ass. This isn't even my worst experience with public transport but everyone is soaking wet and we want to go home, show some consideration. The driver keeps having to tell people to stop sitting on the stairs at the doorway too, at every stop over and over. The tram is clearly full, fuck off.
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It's been so freaking hot lately I'm fucking melting when I'm going to work, report says it's always 32-33°'s but I swear its 40 or something and this fucking high humidity doesn't help.
oh god yes, the weather is horrible
I only need 15min to get to the gym and I'm already soaked in sweat. Fuck summer tbh
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It's been hotter lately.>>98780
I have to walk to everywhere to lose weight because I have no time for gym, I literally wronged water off my t-shirt today. I'm gonna start carrying a spare one with me.
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Hell I was in Antalya for a business trip couple of weeks ago it was even hotter in May, around 34. Can't imagine how it is now.
I wasn't poor growing up. We never went hungry or cold or naked or uneducated - spent money on the right things. But my parents were very much working class. We went on vacation two or three times during my entire childhood up through young adulthood, the fanciest of which was a single trip to Disneyland. lol.>>98792
Warning for political rant: I can't stand people who patronize "the poor" that way. Where I live, they ride the SJ train and think that voting for a particular party automatically makes them more enlightened than anyone else.
I hear this. I work in a creative field but my aim has always been getting more and more money for it.
I focus on my work a LOT of the time and people (mostly friends) keep wondering why I skip jobs every year and a bit and why I can't stay in the same one for years like them. Staying in a job for that long is a deathrattle to your career. You have to keep moving to get a better pay grade.
But you go. Get that money. Don't listen to those idiots who want to hold you back.
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>out with friend in town
>meet up with people from uni
>start talking with a guy who I sort of know
>we get along fine, I already know what kind of person he is
>since we're both really drunk and I was in a "fuck it" mood, we start making out with me as the instigator
>up until this point I'm a kissless virgin and have only gotten off porn
>quickly gets very touchy feely, with him grabbing my ass and getting his hands in my pants
>decide to stop at that point since it was a bit too much for me
>tfw I feel conflicted
On one hand I really liked it and it felt really nice, but on the other hand I'm upset that I lost my kiss virginity in such a quick way. And afterwards, for whatever reason, I felt like I was being promiscuous and slutty, when I have lewd or sensual thoughts literally all the time.
Luckily I can save my actual virginity for someone I really love, but I just don't know how or what I'm supposed to feel about this
Romanticism of what, though? Virginity? I'm not a pure Hail Mary, but I just feel like losing something so simple like my kissless-ness was all for nothing, and my friends tell me that they wish they had lost their actual virginity to someone they didn't end up having an awful breakup/experience with
I'm feeling some kind of feeling of guilt for whatever reason
Please don't tell us you're underage. I'm not banning you due to the fact that you actually contribute on the site.
Your post, at least, was ambiguous enough to leave room for interpretation. ;)
You have a Scandinavian boyfriend, it can't be all bad.
Is he cute?
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>>99235>TFW no mommy of
Anyways I can't seem to fall asleep tonight, I'm anxious as fuck for some reason. Don't even feel sleepy or tired and I have to go to work in 4 hours.
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I miss early Tumblr - like 2010/11/12 Tumblr. It was before everyone and their mother cared about social justice, before fatties invaded, and before all of this demigender foxkin whatever was created.
There were "quality blogs" that were filled with blog rates and where the (old) "Tumblr girl" stereotype came from and everyone had a icon like pic related. Then there were One Direction and "Superwholock" blogs but I wasn't really into that.
I guess I'm truly too old for Tumblr now and I'm feeling nostalgic.
I miss it too. I used to have a lot of fun befriending people who were in the same fandoms as I and just talking to them about our favorite characters and ships. It seems like back then the worst thing you could do was make a post about a ship you hate and then put it in the tag, now if you don't agree that X is a transgender asexual with autism and ADD you're a gross straight white cis ableist.
My friends I have known for years have turned into SJW fictionkin and fakebois and it's so bizarre to see. I want to make new friends who have the same interests but it feels like everyone has fallen for the tumblr SJW trap. All I can do is hope that in a few years all the transtrending and stuff will calm down.
Sorry I started venting in reply to your post.
Yeah i agree when it was harry potter, galaxy prints and triangles
I actually made friends back then now its full of weirdos and e hungry famous people
Idek why i put up with it myself. I guess i was just trying to be a good "friend" by tolerating the bullshit but boy was i wrong.
They would get mad if i did the shit they do to me to them and i'm honestly done. There are way better people out there so i guess i will dump them. Thanks anon. I needed to get that off my chest so bad.
I went to Uni in the city and commuted to and from my apartment throughout the 4 yrs, so never dormed. Until now that is. It's awkward as fuck.
So the suite I'm staying in has 2 rooms, with 2 people per room. My roommate never arrived so I'm by myself which I enjoy, since I tend to go crazy about other peoples needs and will do something like staying awake till 3 am if you need someone to talk to and getting up at 5 am for my own responsibilities.
Anyway, thats not the point. I don't like to socialize all day, it sucks the energy out of me. Despite that, I feel incredibly guilty for not wanting to go out and enjoy the city while I'm here (till August). I don't want to spend money though and I didn't bring any partying clothes or a lot of outfits to hang out in, so I also feel self conscious. Granted, I know I'm not the only one, but I can only speak for how I'm feeling.
I'm a huge introvert and also get anxious about how people perceive me, so eventually I feel like I run out of "interesting" things to talk about, namely things I've done or people I'm involved with (including friendships) because I don't go out much and I don't have friends, just acquaintances for that very reason.
Idk, people seem to really like me at first and then it's like they regret it because i'm too quiet, which is the opposite of what I'm like on the first day we meet.
I've been thinking of just being really subdued at first, how I used to be, but I recall changing because people thought I didn't like them and missed out on chances to make friends.
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The fucking majority of them are ghetto if you use that definition.
>quit uni this year
>hated my degree, want to go into a trade to do more actual work and less studying
>apply for several appenticeships
>mfw so far I haven't gotten anything
>mfw no one wants to hire me
Right now I have a retail job but it is only part time, and obvioulsy it's not the work I want to continue to do. But I already asked around with family/friends, but no one wants to employ a drop out student of course. And I already have a shitty part time job, so there's no need to try another low entry retail/barista job.
Most appentriceships start July/August, so I don't think I'm lucky enough this year. But next year I'll be 23, who wants to take me then? How can I spend one year until I try again when all I can do in the meantime is shitty low entry jobs? Idk if any of these places where I applied would accept me as an intern. And even then, idk if anyone would want to give me the apprenticeship next year.
And I don't really want to go back to university. I really don't I hated it so much and it makes me so miserable every single day I had to go to classes.
I work shitty low entry jobs. I still have to live at home, because a part time job will never pay enough to move out. I don't have a degree, and I can't even get an apprenticeship despite my good grades.
All I want is a job, a small place of my own to live and just a tiny bit of my own space in this world. But despite all I'm trying, it seems i will be stuck at home with a shitty job, no money, no future, absolutely nothing.
I feel so worthless. I feel like utter human garbage.
Kitty was probably dead almost immediately. But cats often spazz out after or during their death. I forgot why but there's a scientific explanation on why their muscles go all crazy. So what you witnessed was just natural reactions.
I'm sorry you saw it though, seeing animals dying or in pain is always horrible.
>Also has anyone ever felt like they kind of.. don't exist? like you're just an NPC in someone else's game? All I can think about are existential questions and worry myself sick over them, when at the end of the day, it doesn't matter at all.
Have you posted this before? I remember some anon saying similar things but I cannot remember where.
If you get all existential and stuff you could always argue that nothing we ever do or think abut matters. Each one of us is just a tiny, tiny ball of atoms in a universe so giant and a timeline so endless that it's impossible to comprehend. Last year I went to a planetarium, and the more they zoomed out erth, our solar system and even the galaxies all I could feel was an overwhelming sense of nothingness.
But in the end, you still have to live your life anyway. If you cannot stop worrying, and feel detached from life, I'd really suggest you talk to a professional about it.
It's a bit more comforting knowing it's a natural reaction, anon. Thank you. It was still just a horrifying thing to see, especially with nobody else even stopping. And he was so tiny. I guess I'm extra sensitive because only this October we found the tiniest stray kitty in our building and we adopted him, and thinking that it could have been him if he didn't find him just really upsets me.
I haven't posted this before, no. But I guess existentialism is a common issue. Sometimes I just accept it, other times it's like a huge realisation and I freak out about it.
It's a bit more comforting knowing it's a natural reaction, anon. Thank you. It was still just a horrifying thing to see, especially with nobody else even stopping. And he was so tiny. I guess I'm extra sensitive because only this October we found the tiniest stray kitty in our building and we adopted him, and thinking that it could have been him if he didn't find him just really upsets me.
I haven't posted this before, no. But I guess existentialism is a common issue. Sometimes I just accept it, other times it's like a huge realisation and I freak out about it.
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Finally making an appointment with a psychotherapist about potentially having ADD. Can't take it anymore. Unless I feel the pressure of failure related to a task, it is extremely hard to do the task. This includes activities that I find fun. I don't know if I'm depressed or just need to take a vitamin in the morning but I'm sick of feeling like I'm wasting my brain. I'm just a big failure and waste.
This is ME. Except every professional I've seen refuses to put me on stimulants. I've resorted to vitamins and other dubiously legal means but no real result.>>99799
I hope I don't sound facetious, but you may want to consider getting married.
Well I don't know you anon, but it could be worth a try to start making international friends somewhere. What are your hobbies? Are you at all in academia? It's obviously a long term thing but if you're desperate to get out of Turkey, it is one thing that you could pursue.
I'm not aware of any professional programs or fellowships or anything of that nature, maybe another anon can help.
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Unfortunately marriage is the easiest option.
Otherwise you need to get in either on a student or work visa if you're not rich. That's why we illegal immigration
Looks like you could go through the green card lottery this year, but I'm sure competition is high. The lottery for 2018 is in Octoberhttps://travel.state.gov/content/visas/en/immigrate/diversity-visa/instructions.html
You might want to study this site and all its options: https://www.uscis.gov/greencard
Anon with Mexican husband here.
Even though Husband has been here since he was two and has no real reason to lie about being in love to get a green card, we may be subject to a lot of scrutiny as to whether our marriage is real, and one mistake can have him deported and charged criminally.
People that are white passing are often not subject to as much scrutiny and stand a better chance, but I want to clear up that marriage is not a guarantee.
I see, well American girls seem to like me for some reason sometimes maybe thatll help. Though I wouldn't marry someone just to get citizenship. I applied for the lottery this year but lost.>>99806
Well I'm pretty white looking, dirty blonde curly hair, hazel eyes and my skin is white as hell. I always get mistaken for a tourist.
If that's your lead (friends in Western Europe), then you need to follow it. Visit them, make more friends while you're there, get introduced to potential partners. Of course don't pursue someone just for a visa, that will be obvious and unhappy for everyone.
Do this in conjunction with any programs abroad that are available to you.
I find it weird that people object to the fact that there are stringent immigration laws. It's like saying that Harvard is too hard to get into for normal people, so everyone else has the right to sit in on classes and sneak into students' dorms to sleep, and whoever objects to that is a ~racist~.
Sage because the vent thread doesn't need to turn into an immigration shitfest
Try applying to colleges in the us and work as a TA? Professors need people to grade papers for them and many teaching assistants are foreign postgraduate students.
Once you're in the US, you need to network, network, and do internships. You should have a job lined up before you graduate so you don't get kicked out after your student visa expires.
In my case, I'm a little more pissed about the "proving legitimate marriage" thing because its a legal system of xenophobia, nothing more, nothing less.
Its not a coincidence that no one seems to care and make accusations of ANCHOR BABY when their immigrant spouse happens to be white and from Europe or Australia.
And then there's Trump who has not cleared up whether he would want to turn our baby into a stateless person which would mean our child has essentially no protected rights. The only thing he's answered that question with is just an implication that he wouldn't separate families because the spouses and children would be deported, too.
I understand why we have to have an immigration process and why not every unskilled person ever can just settle down here. But frankly, when you're fighting tooth and nail to be able to keep the father of your child in the country HE GREW UP IN BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE AS A MINOR, shit gets fucking stupid and upsetting FAST.
With all respect anon. You're not mad at the immigration system per se. You're mad at your husband being discriminated against due to not being white.
Those are two separate issues.
Fwiw white anchor babies/illegal immigrants piss me off, too. There are plenty of Irish, Russians, etc. overstaying their visas where I live and I don't appreciate people assuming that I'm not aware of the issue.
I'm quite serious.
Does your husband talk about it his "aztec heritage"? Lmao.
People who are "white passing" generally use legal channels to immigrate as they don't share a huge land border with the US. Are you seriously suggesting tens of millions of people who entered a country illegally should be given a "path to citizenship" en masse because of your fucking fee fees? When others have scrimped and worked and employed legal channels to do the same for years?
If your brown husband and brown baby dislike it so much then fuck off back to Mexico. Oh wait. They have even harsher laws against illegal immigrants.
The entitlement of Mexicans is fucking astonishing. I'm not even American but I hate these fucks. Fuck them and their fictitious bullshit indigenismo "identity" that was manufactured in the 1960s.
Actually, he was here legally by a work visa under DACA. That's my issue. You can't just take a bunch of kids that grew up here and know nowhere else and tell them to fuck off back to Mexico because they don't belong there anymore.
I'm not saying EVERY person should get amnesty, but it is a little ridiculous that its getting to the point of wanting to make a stateless persons crisis over xenophobia.
>>99847>You can't just take a bunch of kids that grew up here and know nowhere else and tell them to fuck off back to Mexico because they don't belong there anymore
Why not? It's not their own fault, but they weren't here legally in the first place. Giving them amnesty is an act of charity, not any legal obligation.
You have to make a convincing that morality and ethics take precedent over the law. Not everyone will agree with you.
For me I chalk it up to just being a little more "in my head"/cerebral than other people and not being very popular. I'm just I guess weirdly unused to being referred to as "she" while I'm in the room or even just being addressed by name sometimes (fairly feminine name). I have a woman's body and I'm used to it, it's not like I can just assume a new body easily to know what the difference would be. I dunno, I don't understand trans people and "feeling like I was meant to be xyz".
But, it's not impeding my life or mental health so I don't worry about it at all.
>>99847>not EVERY person
Just 90% right?
You did this shit back in Reagans time. All it served to do is incentivize illegal immigration even more. Do you understand that.
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Fuck i didn't wanted to start an immigration debate I just wanted to vent on my shitty country
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Well I'm gonna try getting a teaching job in Japan after getting my CELTA. I have a couple of friends there and can speak Japanese too so that should be a plus, one of my old teachers work there so maybe I can network there hopefully.
People are still on this?
Let it the fuck go or huff a fart and hold it like a bong hit for all I care
I know this is mostly my fault. But I've only had 3 bfs in my life, the first one broke up with me, I broke up with the second one, and third one is current.
If I find the logic in things I can usually recover well, so my first bf and I are friends now and talk occasionally. I understand why we broke up, in that our needs at the time were vastly different, and blah blah. We're also both in other relationships so it's nbd.
My second bf was really broken up about breaking up, and I've tried to explain it to him as best as I could (essentially saw the relationship going no where and lost the feelings for him, as well as fundamental differences in life philosophies). It's been a good while since the break up and I keep wanting to be "be friends" similar to how first ex-bf and I are. I'm completely over him (hence current bf), and he says he's over me now. But he's so smarmy and bitter about it (I guess I shouldn't be surprised) and I keep hoping if I contact him in another few months the bitterness would fade, but it doesn't. I know I should just stop trying to talk to him, but I keep wanting to explain it logically but he keeps making me out to be irrational and crazy when I know that I'm not. I think that bothers me the most. He's been so broken up about it that he has to rationalize my behavior as mean and crazy to make himself feel better and that bothers the fuck outta me. Like, I browse lolcow and /cow/, I did so whilst in the relationship with him and shared the drama, and he has only ever laughed with me. But now he tries to take a moral high ground about it all. And put me down because of it.
I need to let it the fuck go.
never date a robot, gals
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I hope it goes well for you anon!
I'm currently trying to move in with my sister but she has set up the condition that I have to apply to at least 5 jobs while I'm here for a couple of days if not she'll send me back to my shitty home town. It's a fair condition(so I'm actually doing something) but at the same time it's been really hard and stressful trying to find and apply for entry level jobs here, especially ones near the area where I live and that I qualify for. I'm hoping I can pull through, I really don't want to go back and let my parents down.
I just want to be able to earn my own money that I can blow on whatever I want and live with her in this nice city
I've told them, several times that it bothers me a lot. It's kind of one of those cases where my mother is so wrapped up in her own issues as a human being that god forbid anyone else have a problem, because whatever that problem is will just pale in comparison to hers. And my dad is just the kind of guy who never stops making fun of anyone for whatever he can because he thinks it's funny and he's kind of emotionally inept sometimes.
I'm thinking I might sit down and try to have the conversation again sometime when I see them. I don't really know if it'll work, but I really can't take much more of their behavior. It's almost as bad as it was when I actually lived with them.
I'll try out the When you do Blah, It makes me feel Blah statements, maybe it'll help the conversation.
sounds like my parents and you may not want to call it abusive but it really is.
No matter how I've changed, no matter what I accomplish, no matter what I do, no matter where I end up, no matter what I say about it bothering me, they only focus on mistakes of the past or trashing on me for my disorders.
people that selfish are not worth your time, and not worth hurting yourself again and again.
Don't engage them if they're going to be assholes. Send a clear message that is you will walk away and not deal with it.
They may think it's "immature" but with people like that, no matter what you say it gets worse. So don't say anything other than "Your behavior is immature, hurtful, and I will not encourage it." and leave the room.
Man, I've had the exact same feelings as you. Being in that position where they constantly trash on you for your mistakes and things you can't control. Yeah I've been there. And you're right, they have been pretty emotionally abusive in the past and I can recognize that it's abuse.
I really should be a lot firmer with them but there's still a lot of fear embedded somewhere in me from when I was a child and things were really bad with them.
And they're not bad people, even if they're god awful parents. I just feel bad because I know that in the end, they do love me and want whats best for me, they're just really shitty at showing it. They both just have their own issues, and, though I hate to phrase it like this, they're both broken people in their own ways.
I really do need to be firm with them, be tougher about it. It's just kind of hard because I don't want to hurt them, even though they're the ones hurting me.
maybe I'm going to sound a bit heartless but I went through the whole "oooh they're broken ooooh they're sooooo troubled I really should have more sympathy!"
And where I ended up is yeah no they really are just bad people.
great so he gave up the fight but now he's acting abusive and like I ruined his life for calling the fire departments and fire marshals to check if these stores were bullshitting him or not.
It's a compensating thing.
Unless they're white passing like sachie they'll never be a part of our group. Rub that in their ugly brown faces.
Sachie plz leave.
You can look like Taylor Swift herself and still no one cares about your drama.
I am completely empty of inspiration and happiness/joy. I get bored with everything i do, no matter how motivated i stay or how much i force myself to continue doing it. I am consistent in pursuing my interests, trying to get joy from that, which obviously doesn't work and feels mediocre at best. I've had constant existential crisises throughout my life, drugs makes it worse. Right now i'm just numb or sad all the time. Everything feels pointless and materialistic, like the human world is just made up of a bunch of meaningless moral rules that only serves to keep people in a happy imaginary world, that to me feels like living in a fucking mobile game or something… I recently read Brave new world, and it describes everything i feel about the world/my life today. Life feels like playing The Sims, but you have to play 24/7, and only get to play Sims 2 with one single expansion-pack for hours on end.
I try to create, it brings me nothing. I try to run, go skate with my inlines, hang out with friends, family etc… It brings me nothing. Computer games, watching a new tv-series, eating ice cream and masturbating, it's all so damn fucking boring. My meds (ADD and depression) at least keeps me from being completely suicidal…
I wish something extreme would happen to take me out of this, like aliens coming to earth. That's my greatest wish thb.
I've also had a sudden change in heart rate, pulse is constantly high and heart beat is rapid and strong throughout the day. Fml.
I knew a woman who wiped her kid's ass until he was 12 and her excuse was that he didn't know how to do it well enough. There was nothing wrong with her kid except that he was lazy and she's an enabler.
You're doing the right thing for that your niece tbh.
whoa are you me
it's like… fuck my total lack of creativity and the fact that i am mentally barren. i can copy things and follow directions and mimic, but i can't do anything original or think up anything on my own. it's kind of quiet and sad inside.
when i talk to people and try to have like a serious conversation or connect, it feels like i'm peering at them through a haze of fog, squinting, unable to make out the person behind it.
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>tfw can only attract gay guys
Not sure what to feel, I mean it's flattering to be found attractive but I'm straight as hell and can't seem to attract girls at all.
Exactly, it's so damn dissociating. I keep wondering what the key to overcoming this shit is, and how you "come out on the other side" of it. It occasionally gets better for a few hours, or days, but it's only like peeking through the keyhole to "reality".
Did meds (if you take any) help in any way for you? Mine did fuck all, but at least i'm "productive", in a machine sort of way.
Discovering new things is supposed to help, but everything really do feel the same, it's just a system in a system i'm already familiar with. >>100311
It is. Was diagnosed a few years ago.
You knew someone who wiped their 12 year old? How creepy is that..What made them stop?
And thank you. I really do get the feeling the kid is going to be at least 6 before they think their kid is capable of doing it herself. It drives me crazy, she can brush her teeth and get dressed by herself, and was potty trained fairly early, but nope. Wiping is too hard for her.
get a fucking clock kid.
people who are always late piss me off, it shows that you don't care about other peoples time.
but anyway, it's only prom pictures.
people that devalue this kind of work as requiring "no skills" and an "easy" kind of labor are annoying as fuck. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_labor
"There is empirical evidence that higher levels of emotional labor demands are not uniformly rewarded with higher wages. Rather, the reward is dependent on the level of general cognitive demands required by the job. That is, occupations with high cognitive demands evidence wage returns with increasing emotional labor demands; whereas occupations low in cognitive demands evidence a wage "penalty" with increasing emotional labor demands."
Everyone demands the incredibly difficult and shitty job of a person in an apparent good and helpful mood no matter what, but no one is willing to actually pay them a livable wage.
It's such crap.
This is about to sound like the lamest thing in the world, but I've learned the professor I did my undergrad research with has either blocked me or has hidden me on his Facebook. I'm not sure which.
He posted a status about thanking friends for birthday wishes and I commented with a "Happy birthday, Dr. insert name here!" and it immediately disappeared. I know I shouldn't feel as bummed out as I am, but we were relatively close until about the end of last summer. Like, he helped me through my depression and was the one who suggested I go to the school counseling services to get help, we would get coffee and chat, drank outside of school together along with other professors, and I was even welcomed to join him and his wife at Thanksgiving with my boyfriend at the time if we were in town. But I guess I did something to set him off (still don't know what, btw. I apologized for a slew of things that I thought might've been it, but I guess none of them were) and he kicked me out of research my final semester and said that I would end it by training someone else on what needed to be done (who, spoilers, ended up having no time to do anything while I would have–which meant no research happened for him that semester since his other student was too busy, as well… but oh well) and we started to flat out ignore me any time we passed in the hallway or on campus and would only begrudgingly acknowledge me if I was hanging out with other students that he liked… he didn't even congratulate me on graduating like the rest of the department did.
I'm just… How do people do things like that? Just essentially erase someone out of their lives like that?
I honestly wish I didn't care as much about this as I do, but it hurts. He was the one that actually made me want to go into my field because he made it interesting.
Tbh that emotional intimacy sounds a little close for a colleague you do research with.
And, really, even if you guys never went full on romantic, perhaps the fact that he went that extra mile with you was predatory in nature OR he was afraid it would be perceived as such.
In either of those cases, he would distance himself and try to get you away from him before his supervisors are asking anymore funny questions, which they may have already been doing to an extent.
Something about his particularly grudgy ways and dickishness kind of feels like he wanted it to go somewhere it didn't, felt threatened because of it, and then decided to resent you over it.
Sounds like a few things are possible:
1) His wife made him sever all contact with you
2) He has feelings for you, so 1)
3) 2), so he did it himself to save his marriage
4) Someone accused him of favouritism or adultery (most likely), so he cut ties to avoid getting both of you in trouble
Samefagging to add:
4) has actually happened in one of my college courses, a few students were cozying up to a professor to get better grades (male and female students, nothing romantic) and they ended up forming this 'inner circle' so someone told the dean when they caught wind of it because it wasn't fair to others. They were quickly broken apart and moved to different courses with different teachers and the offending professor was really careful not to let anyone get too close after that and acted really standoffish with everybody.
Really sorry about your dog anon.
What a fucking arsehole. Honestly, it sounds more like he didn't want to deal with hearing you talk about her rather than him actually wanting you to get over her.
Dump the fucker. It's a bad omen of what's to come no matter how you slice it. He's either surprised that you're upset because he wouldn't be upset at losing a pet, which is obviously a massive red flag. Or he just doesn't care about how you feel, which again, awful.
I know someone's gonna say I'm reading into this too much, but the adage about seeing someone's true character in how they regard those inferior to them (Pets, children, service staff etc) really is fucking true.
It could have been, but I never felt any malicious intent from him (I could have just been oblivious/naive, though). >>100431>>100432
I feel like it was probably #4 on the list, as his wife would still say hello and ask how my day was if we saw each other (she also taught on campus; she's in a different department).
Thank you anons I feel a little bit better now.
I asked him why he did this.
He told me that it was "advice" and that we all have different reaction to pain. I don't even know wtf this means.
I think that he did this to hurt me on purpose. I've been very busy lately, working on my degree and caring for my dog. He probably feels negletcted being a neet and all. I don't know…
I'm seriously thinking about dumping him atm. It's weird because before he was the complete opposite of this, but lately he's been really bitter and this is the last straw.
Advice is a suggestion, not a command. He just said everyone has different reactions to pain to justify saying your reaction is wrong and that you need to stop it. You don't know wtf it means because it doesn't mean anything and it doesn't make any sense.
>being a neet and being jealous of the attention a sick/old animal is getting
Strike two and three. You deserve better in every regard.
Why don't you talk about it with the teacher? Now i don't know if you have some actual diagnosed form of social anxiety (not that it should matter either way), but surely the teacher must be understanding of someone sperging out during an oral exam? Especially if you tell them about it beforehand. I had to drag a 30min oral exam out for 2-3 hours once because i stutter, act nervous and become so distracted by my inability to function like a normal human being that i am unable to find words and form sentences and sit in silence for minutes at a time. But since i told the teacher that i have social anxiety and severe untreated ADD he was very understanding and patient.
Your teachers will most likely be too, otherwise they're pretty shitty teachers tbh.
Different anon, but I can also add that professors tend to be understanding of a fear of public speaking. My speech professor allowed students to sign up to give their speeches to her in private instead of in front of the class so they wouldn't feel embarrassed.
SO I'd totally ask and see if you can do some sort of alternative.
Ah yes, the fabled 'abusive narcissist' cow loves to talk about. Which in normal English probably means just a regular asshole.
You're being too much of a melodramatic bitch over it and I doubt your personality is as good as you claim if nobody wants to be your friend.
haaa now I'm abusive because I refused to hold my tongue about how I really felt about having to put my whole life on hold for one week of summer and I should be thankful I'm not going.
Honestly anon. Next time that happens you message your friends and say 'my family bailed on me can I join you guys', and if you know you aren't going to want to be alone then plan beforehand to be a part of something.
FOMO sucks but you need to take some responsibility for it, if you ask friends outright and they play games with you then you need to talk to them about it or find new friends.
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Some shit I just saw on tumblr.
Why should we donate for this idiot's abortion? If they're old enough to make the baby they can get off their ass and pay for it themselves. I hate it when people coo and pamper idiots like this.
wow, didn't expected you to guess that heh.>>100592
I'll probably pussy out like the bitch I am.
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i really dont care who you are i dont want you to die. I dont want anyone to die.
i love you as much as i can love someone and not want them to die from so far away
look at this beautiful world and its not worth it theres so much to see and experience
Take it easy bro. We all have problems - I've been going through a massive depressive phase as of late, spurred on by "what could have been" type thoughts.
I understand what you mean.
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I've been doing somewhat okay lately but got literally destroyed today.
>only guy in my department at work>usually try to be friendly and make small talk with the girls>washing my face in the bathroom after lunch break>overheard some girls talking about me>"I wish they replace this creep with a hottie">"god he's so fucking ugly">"hope he gets fired">usually used to this kind of shit but something broke inside me>get through the day like a zombie>buy two bottles of whiskey while coming home>load my shotgun and put it beside me>now waiting for alcohol to kick in so I won't pussy out
then I realized nothing will ever get better, I'm a 27 year old genetic dead end with a shit job and neck deep in debt, never gonna be able to enjoy life, too ugly to experience romance, too poor to see the world, living in a shithole country with 0 future and will probably be in a civil war in couple of years. I missed out on everything good on life and will never be able to catch up.
I did asked for tips before but regret it now looked like a total retard, I still gotta lose some weight so tips would go to waste, >>100605
I guess talking made it a bit better, I don't have much people to talk to. Mom is a depressed mess, mom doesn't care, sister is too busy preparing for marriage, friends doesn't care. I keep bottling up this shit and go batshit crazy like this sometimes.
I don't have many people to talk to either. Not that I actually like making friends irl though. That's why I'm on lolcow I guess. It's anonymous and faceless and for some reason feels better than seeing people irl.
As for looks, a nice clean hair cut can do wonders. People go from cousin it to pretty attractive just from doing their hair properly! Don't feel so hopeless.
Also, are you not happy for your sister getting married?
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Well more like engagement, that came out wrong. She's with a good guy, I'm happy for her. Well my haircut is alright I think, not sure. My sister is like a 9/10, not sure if we're even related I look like a troll next to her. I look pretty young so they always mistake us for a couple when we're out sometimes, hear some pretty nasty shit like "why's she with that fucking disgusting lardass"
Gonna start sageing just in case someone bitches. Lol.
Your hair isn't bad. It looks nice and soft. Just style it and brush it. My brother was really fat when he was younger and had ugly mop hair. Everyone made fun of him and said much of the same things to him that you're getting. Now boys and girls drool over him and all he did was lose weight, gets his eyebrows, and take care of his hair.
I'm sure you can be a 9/10 too.
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Don't know, I think I got a bit better after talking. Not gonna post it here but you can give me some tips with e-mails if you want to. Funny how silly webms and internet strangers can make you feel better.
if you need anyone to talk to im also available at firstname.lastname@example.org its a burner email and once I've vetted you I can allow you access to a more stable address.
and honestly that goes for anyone i love people i dont want any of you suffering or dying please come talk to me if you're feeling down ok?
none of you have to be alone.
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You know how you tell someone, "I didn't ask for your life story,"?
Well you didn't.
>meet boy in ninth grade seven years ago
>be social fucking retard with no friends
>Boy is nice to me
>Boy's friends like me
>this is nice
>months later Boy and co. decide they don't like me
>never say why
>they just like me one day and not the next
>reach back out to Boy
>Boy responds, friend's me on FB
>boy says two says later if I tell anyone, he'll drop me again
>at least I have Boy
>ask over time why I can't tell anyone
>you're a bitch
>I would be ashamed if anyone knew
>eventually Boy thinks I'm going to tell someone
>acts like he never met me
>try repeatedly to tell him he was wrong, I wouldn't do that to him
>takes a few weeks
>he comes back
>back to normal
>Boy gets gf
>Boy dumps gf
>takes me back
>back to "normal"
>Boy drops me again
>tells me everything he can think of that's wrong with me
>decide that's it, I'll never let this happen again
>year and a half later
>Boy reaches out to me
>take him back
>things are very good in the beginning
>he's taking me around his friends
>to his house
>doing actually normal stuff
>still have no friends, so this is amazing
>Boy says we're not dating
>we're just friends with benefits
>I don't want you around my friends
>goes on like that for about a year
>be couple weeks ago
>Boy is being nicer than ever
>taking me around his friends
>talking nice to me
>hasn't called me any names once
>only said something mean to me one time in the whole two weeks
>takes me to see fireworks with him and his best friend last night
>friend is one of the ones who didn't like me when we were 14
>he likes me now
>he's laughing at my jokes
>things are going spectacularly
>things keep being great all night
>still great this morning
>great all day
>Boy says none of his friends think I'm funny
>Boy says none of his friends like me
>Boy says friend from last night only acted like I was funny because I'm slutty
>I don't get it
>what do I do
>what can I do
>what will ever be good enough
>why the fuck don't you tell me what I'm doing wrong while I'm doing it
>why, for years, do you just wait for me to fuck up, then come blast me with it later when I think things are FINALLY going well
>"Because you're a stupid, trailer trash cunt who somehow missed the days in preschool where they taught everyone to act like fucking people, you fucking idiot."
>It's my fault
>It's always my fault
>I'm sorry, I am being stupid.
>I should just know better, I'm sorry I'm so dumb.
>I'm sorry, have I made you mad again?
>"Not this time."
>start thinking about life
>and about how much time I've spent on this person
>this person who calls me names and takes out his anger on me
>this person who does things to me Dr. Phil told me I should never let a man do
>and he does it
>and he doesn't even pretend to love me
>and I've given him years already
>what have I done
>what have I become
>realize that if I lose him, I have nothing
>realize that I don't have him
>realize that I already have nothing to lose
>realize that I can easily read pm's on fb
>read his friends'
>find out he posted revenge porn of his ex
>almost all of his friends think he's a cunt
>two of his friends fucked his ex while they were still together
>he treated his ex the same way he's treating me
I am so.
Fucking angry right now.
I want to tell him everything.
I want to tell him everything that the people he thinks are his friends have said about him.
I wanna tell the dean at his college that he posted revenge porn (illegal in this state)
I wanna fuck his best friend.
I want to just fuck him up as bad as I let him fuck me up all these years.
I have never been so angry in my life.
Maybe this is what it feels like to finally really be a woman.
It feels bad, yet, better.
Anon… I've been in your exact same boat. Literally. Like 4~ years ago.
Fuck him up. Tell them everything. Tell the dean, etc. You're better than that trash, he didn't care about you or ANYONE he's 'close to'. He doesn't deserve mercy or you shielding him.
To only advice I could give you that I wish I had been told myself, is that fucking his best friend will probably make you feel worse in the long run. I know you're angry and want revenge, but that guy could use that shit on you with other people, or you could get an STD (who knows how his friends are), or a bunch of other crap. Yeah it sucks being alone, but you'll meet people. It might not be tomorrow, or even this month, but you WILL, and they won't be trashlings like these.
Do it faggot. Ruin his life desu.
And don't forget to deliver when you do it.
Find better friends or make more of an effort to make yourself included? Do you initiate conversations or do you wait for them to talk to you?>>101084
Same here anon. I log off my computer at night, just to pick up my phone/tablet anyway.
I initiate conversations IRL but to be fair I don't really text, ever. I think this may be the problem since everyone talks to each other online… but idk man, they're Facebook kids and I've been on the internet for way too long. I don't understand their ways when it comes to social media, using their own real names and having their mom as friend, etc.
I'll just give up I guess
I read Harz 4 as T4. As in Aktion T4.
I'm so sorry.
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I don't know what to do about family gatherings anymore. I'm Hispanic and Hispanics have big gatherings. I can't remember all their names nor effectively speak to them in Spanish since I get too nervous and I can't dance to all their old Mexi-music (and they will never play anything in English or modern Spanish music). I really dislike these big gatherings tbh and after each one my sis and I get nagged about being bad, boring daughters and embarrassing the family by not dancing and having a good time.
I try to be polite and say hello and eat and whatnot but neither of us are vivacious. I'm older than my sis though so I get it worst. None of my cousins are partiers either so they think I've been a bad influence on all the rest of them because they are younger. Last time there was a gathering the older folk were dancing and me and all of my cousins were in the living room watching anime (Princess Jellyfish).
Can't wait till we are hosting the parties, we'll put on all the anime and video games and shitty edm we want.
Honestly, you all sound like buzzkills. Why not try and participate in your culture? One day you're going to regret not learning more about it. Your family gatherings sound fun. Can you at least try to dance for a while instead of being a closed off introvert from the get go?
I don't understand what it is with second genners and rejecting culture. Shit's interesting. Watching animu and playing vidya for family gatherings is boring and weeby.
Dancing is the greatest point of contention. I can expect to pretty much always get made fun of for being too prudish (no, I'm not comfortable trying to look/act sexually with family). Or being told I should get implants. But then I've lost track of how many times I've been scolded for wearing a mini-skirt or not wearing bloomers under my dresses or whatever. I don't know what the sweet spot for socially acceptable sexy Latina is.
"Mija why don't you want to look sexier?"
Auntie that's weird :/
So it's 4AM, at around an hour ago I was in the living room and heard as if someone was trying to open the door, but very quietly. I fully assumed it was my door because my first thought was that it was my brother, despite being 3AM. I had a video playing, and paused it to get my laptop off my lap to check, but once I paused it the noises stopped. I go to check the peep hole just seconds after I heard the noise, it took me like 2 footsteps to get to the door, but there was nothing there. Now I'm not completely sure if I should be making a big deal out of this, and keep questioning what or how much i heard.
what's worse is that i google my city's name to find that 2 people were arrested 2 days ago for armed robbery plus
>An unrelated robbery occurred Thursday night, at around 3:10 a.m. The assault and robbery sent the victims to the Hospital for non-life threatening injuries, police said
i'm probably overreacting, but i'm scared as fuck right now and feel like i desperately want to move, get a gun, a dog, and buy strong door locks.
I'll never understand how lolcow can be so conservative and shit on immigrants for not assimilating then turn around and shit on their kids for
assimilating. What the fuck do you people want? In extroverted collectivist cultures a family gathering is just family shitting on you if you deviate even the slightest from what a "Mexican" or a "Cuban" or a "Filipino", etc, is supposed to be. It starts with, "Why aren't you a doctor?" "Why don't you look like your cousin?" "Why are you so fat?" "Why are you so skinny?" "Why can't you dance?", then goes into more specific jabs and insults. Flesh and blood can get more brutal than any of you cunts ever are on here, and they feel perfectly justified in saying it because it's in a fun setting they're just trying to "help". And this isn't just me being whiny, this seems to be a universal experience between me and my less extroverted 2nd gen friends.
, I've just stopped going to these things when I'm asked to and only go of I know I can be at least 75% into it and can manage the thick skin I'll need, otherwise it's not going to be fun for anyone. Playing weeb music and EDM is a terrible idea, you'll never hear the end of it for years and no one will have fun. I can deeply relate to watching anime with all your cousins and everyone having a good time. I hope family gatherings go better for you in the future.
>>101630>second generation>rejecting culture
Clearly you've never met one of these militant asian americans like Eddie Huang. They're far more vociferous about muh culture than even their parents.
It's also not a good thing.
I apologise anon, you didn't mention that they were being critical. Can you just stop going, or be conveniently busy when reunions are on? I get called the 'anti-social cousin' for not showing up to family reunions, but you stop caring after a while. Otherwise, you're just going to have to grin and bear it.>>101638>grouping the entirety of lolcow into a single entity
I am 2nd gen, you dickhead. Not everybody on here is an ultra conservative Trump shill. I am also deeply introverted and have caught plenty of flack at family gatherings, so I know exactly what you're on about. Maybe it has been a 'universal experience' for you and your friends, but I have 2nd gen friends who go to and leave family gatherings without a hitch. Anon never said that they were getting shit on by their family, so I wrongly assumed that they didn't like their own culture.
Why do you have to be so black and white? Families being overly critical isn't an absolute. You and your sample size of yourself and your one friend means jack. You can assimilate into Western society without completely abandoning your culture, and you can embrace your culture without completely rejecting Western society. >>101654
Where did I say that you should go full >muh heritage? Another anon viewing things in black and white, no greys at all. You are allowed to appreciate your own culture and Western culture at the same time. Shocking, right?
Sorry anon, I assumed you were some white ultra conservative so I made a post someone like that would maybe understand. Obviously it's not black and white, but that's the only thing people seem to understand here.
That's not cool of you to assume I've only got one friend on this shit though, I've managed to befriend 2nd gens of all personalities and ethnicities. While it's true some don't mind and roll with it, not everyone can. And honestly, if someone's frustrated with their family, they're almost definitely being forced to conform or being shit on in some way.
The worst I've ever seen was a gay friend in a super Catholic family who spent a three or four months in his home country. For us, if you're being sent back like that, it means your family thinks you're a total fuck up and they want to change you to not be such a disappointment. When he came back he had super short hair (for as as long as I had known him, he had long hair he maintained very well) and had a change of life plans and goals. He killed himself shortly after. Obviously you can't blame it all on the family, but the high pressure environment certainly didn't help his mental health.
I guess that example is a bit extreme, but it'll always stick with me. I'm not as social as I used to be, so I've been living more in my immigrant family bubble and have learned to be ok with it. I'm not truly someone from back home, and I'm not truly someone from here, but that's alright. Family is a crapshoot, but most of the time that's all you got.
My social circle's pretty thin. I only have two friends that I talk to on a monthly basis. The obvious answer would be to either join a hobbyist club or to try and buddy up with co-workers, but I'm really bad at being discerning and it's not a comfortable situation for me.
Asking one of my roommates, who as far as I know is pretty socially successful, to bring me along to a party and to introduce me to her friends has backfired; she's on some weird extortion trip in which I have to earn the privilege to talk to the same people she talks to. It's not like I'm giving her foot massages or emptying my bank account, it's all petty stuff like requests to make her coffee or loan her some clothes prefaced with a verbal "…and to think I was going to invite you out with some friends next weekend". At this point I'm almost positive she's doing it as a joke, but every time I laugh it off or ask her for a concrete schedule she keeps up the act and says something about how I don't deserve it because I disobeyed her when I refused to do ______ a few days ago.It turns me on a lot. I feel disgusting and need to find a way to make friends before the whole semi-isolation lifestyle drives me crazy, but as far as I can tell it's not too damaging and I don't see why I should go out of my way to stop it from happening. >>102374
Definitely. I like to draft messages in a word processor once or twice before I send them to friends or family. Most of the time it's just checking for subtle negative connotations, sentences that could be easily misconstrued, and proper grammar.
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Stop watching Tasty videos. They're not even that original or good.
>started playing PokemonGo>hesitant to play since I started late and my area doesn't have many or good pokemon>it's actually giving me something to look forward to outside whereas I normally hate public exercise>started ssri so I actually have been feeling a lot better>walk with bf>it's helping our previously strained relationship>it's fun seeing other people and making small talk>start seeing posts on fb about pokemongo "creepers">read the stories thinking awkward autismo guys are ruining shit>actually it's just a bunch of antisocial SJWs who think guys saying hi or approaching them to ask if they're playing is a form of social assault>mfw I got attacked by SJWs for telling one girl to get over herself
I mean she was posting Brock gifs and then got pissed when I pointed out that none of the guys she encountered hit on her and she was just mad that they couldn't read her mind about not wanting to talk wtf. No guy would call me a creep if I asked in a public area if he was playing pokemon, or tapped him on the shoulder or whatever.
Whoa, how old are you?
You could be the cool young mom
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Holyshit I just had one of the worst interviews ever. It was for this freelance teaching job that has pretty decent pay that my friend is a part of. It's all done online on their cluttered AF interface and all they gave me was some basic video of how it works and didn't even tell us how to even authorize students to use the communication tool. So I basically did a bastardized version of the whole demo lesson and the woman on the other end never bothered to tell me. And the company is from Hong Kong, so there was just this old asian woman basically at the end just being like "lol that was shit. You can reschedule a new demo lesson so you can practice some more" And I was super nervous the whole time because honestly they just give us the material and expected us to come up with this super exciting and upbeat lesson for little kids, which sounds super easy but when its just you and some old woman on the other line your nerves just get the best of you and ahhhghgsadkjasldkfjasdjadklfj
in person interviews are so much better than that shit that just went down. I'm cringing so fucking hard at myself plz help me lolcow
I'm sorry anon, at least they've given you another opportunity though? Goal visualisation (imagining scenarios and how you will deal with them) is even used by the army now so just keep preparing yourself. If you are nervous talking to strangers, maybe subject yourself to some omegle voice chat hell. If you can keep a straight face and talk lesson plans to people in deadpool masks that are trying to troll you, you can do anything.>>102724
You should get some help anon. I doubt you are ugly but if you truly are then that's not the real problem because ugly people can still live wonderful lives. If you can see a therapist or counsellor you should, but if not there will be some sort of free support call line or email service in your area, and if you have friends you should try to talk to them. Exercise and a balanced diet can help you keep your mind in check, you can do this.
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>>102724>I hate my appearance so much I think about suicide almost everyday.
I know you're posting this just to vent and you're probably not looking for solutions or advice, however, after many years of struggling with the same issues myself (having depression and anxiety to boot) I was finally so overwhelmed I got a counselor through my workplace. I went to my first appointment today and when I brought up my self-confidence issues and suicidal ideations she recommended cognitive behavioral therapy. Apparently at this point people like us have to rework how our mind processes feelings and how it finds solutions to problems.
>two weeks ago>friends want to go out to art gallery meetup>gained so much weight every dress looked like shit on me if it fit>after years of working to lose 60 pounds I gained it all back in just four months>crying liquid frustration at myself>told my friends I wasn't going for that reason>they encouraged me to show in toned down normie clothes anyway>I did>show up in normie clothes three sizes too big because I'm scared of fitted clothes>friend took pictures and posted them to fb>I look fatter than usual and awful>cry hard>tfw I didn't say anything bc I knew how irrational it was to get irritated at a friend over my insecurities about pictures nobody actually cares about
My SO is coming to America for the first time next week, and he'll be staying with me at my parents place. Honestly I think we are both checked out of this relationship at this point. I've been back to america to visit my family (I live in his country) for a few weeks now. He never says he misses me or loves me or anything. I can't even remember the last time he said it. I'm always the one to initiate it. My mom is super excited to have foreign people in our house, so she keeps trying to make all of these plans and stuff, but I can't even get excited about it.
There is so much pressure as well, because when he doesn't get his way or if I don't plan something 100% to his liking, he just shuts down and treats me like I just purposely betrayed him and I'm doing it because I want to make his life miserable. My plan was to get my license while I was back in town, because I never got one and I've just been out of the country so long. Since his parents sprung this trip on him (He isn't even paying for it himself) I had about a month to learn how to drive and pass the driving test with the instructor. Then my parents went on vacation for a week, and then my aunt offered me good money that I couldn't pass up just to watch her spoiled dogs and house sit while she goes to europe, and she lives out of town, so I'll be there almost two weeks with nobody to give me lessons. I let him know about this, and I shit you not he responded with "How the fuck could you do this to me?"
And to make matters worse, a really really really good friend from the country I was living in started texting me a lot more, and we always did get along pretty well. He's showing feelings for me, and I don't know if it's a grass is greener thing or what. But I miss just having a guy say nice things to me and tell me I'm beautiful. I miss having a SO that doesn't straight up say "Don't worry, I'll photoshop your face" when we take pictures together. I'd love to have someone not poke fun at my body, or force me to wear my hair a certain way by shutting down and getting pissy if I dont.
We've been dating for 2 years, but I think we are almost at the end. I'm at the point where I just don't care if we even break up. It's just awkward as fuck, because the rest of my family keeps going on and on about him coming and wanting to meet him. It's going to be awkward as fuck when the day comes and we do break up. I'm just so done guys.
>>102853>No one knows this is a problem.
Lots of people are aware of fertility problems and many people are infertile anon.
There are online support groups for it, and at the very least you should talk to a professional about your feelings to see if there are any resources for you. Take care of yourself.
I have a psychologist and she tells me I am distorted and that it's probably due to my bipolar because she has met others like me. I don't even look the same every time I look at myself.
Also I am sorry to hear about your weight issue I hope everything works out. I am the same with pictures too
Sorry dudes it's a novel:
I dated a disgusting well known older man that works in my same field, and I just want him to fall off the Earth. I learned only after we broke up the extent of how disgusting he was. Full on sociopath narcissist , it started out as a hook up and then we caught feelings. Found out the extent of his drug addiction and that he was always cheating on me. We were both mutually into more of a bdsm relationship, but I was the only one able to keep that separate from reality. He grew up in an extremely abusive household and he's basically a younger version of his dad. Towards the end of our relationship he admitted being into more violent things, underage girls, and specific races. Because he's a sociopath and an addict for almost all of his adult life, he's extremely good at manipulating people.
I think most people are done with his shit though because he's 40 years old, his drug use shows on his slimy weathered and aged face (and like I said he has an age obsession), and everyone I've met that knew him doesn't have one good thing to say. The person he's dating now is a certified idiot that's, objectively speaking, ugly or at the most "average" with nothing going for her in life. He was seeing her before we met, but continued seeing her while we dated because he's wildly insecure and I just got so sick of him. I didn't break up because some difficult life situations came up for me and I convinced myself I needed his illusion of support. He was a fucking asshole about everything because he knew I didn't actually care about him either after the first two weeks and I saw who he really was. I was just going through the dumbest of shit and kept him probably as a way to self harm.
Now I'm deeply embarrassed for allowing someone so pathetic into my life, angry because he's so lame, but I also do not give a fuck because his life is so fucked and he's a joke. I learned from him, but it still hurts I let him in for a moment out of spite for myself. It was kind of a rock bottom.
The only thing I fear is running into anyone we're mutual friends with, because anyone that's ok with him must be pathetic scum too, and I would be caught between wanting them to know he's a monster but also wanting to express how insignificant he is by not caring. He's reached out to me before like nothing happened and I wanted to throw up.
I have recently had extremely positive opportunities in my life come up and I just want to move on, but all that experience did was fuck up my trust in the world. Him just straight lying to my face was fucked, constantly accusing me of cheating, and trying to convince me I wasn't good enough when I've always been treated in the exact opposite way. It was just the most vulnerable time in my life and here I am dealing with the aftermath.
Exact same problem, I feel for you anon.
Mine is caused my anxiety and body dysmorphia after being bullied by jealous girls. It's a fight or flight response, and therapy does help. The best thing I've universally heard from professionals is exposure therapy, but enlist a professional and let them know about your goals of getting this under control. It sucks and it's uncomfortable, and you will cry but you'll be really relieved when your perspective begins to get restored. After you feel like you make even a little progress it gets easier I promise. Like anything habitual, you might have a relapse in that toxic way of thinking but you have to center yourself and try to stay calm instead of disassociating.
You belong on this planet as much as everyone else and I promise it does get better, you just need to learn more tools. When you do the work you can look at yourself in the mirror with pride that you're overcoming these issues, because it's not easy but you're still here which means you can persevere. Good luck anon.
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I hate that my bf doesn't give a shit about my hobbies and interests like I do with his. It makes me feel like shit and makes me question our relationship.
I don't think I'm a boring person. I love learning new things and sharing and discussing them with people, mainly with him because he's really smart. Yet, so often when I'm excited about something and want to share, I can barely get his attention, he has no input, or god forbid, those few times where he says "you've told me this already" or "I don't care".
I don't know how many times he's shared with me shit that I don't care about, but I love him and love to see him excited about things, so I listen, ask questions, and engage.
Pic related is what I'm learning about currently.
Oh, I had to vent about her because she knew he was attempting to be in a relationship with me and slept with him anyways. She subtly flaunted it on instagram, so as a woman I can't respect her. Thank you for your thoughtful response.>>102995
No you're totally right and I really appreciate your feedback. I had a relationship with a great guy, but broke up because he was the opposite way, and was really obsessive. I haven't been in a relationship since last Winter and I'm really
enjoying it. It's just the period of rebuilding self esteem that sucks because it's slow, so the venting helps. Thank you also for reading all of that!
Sounds like my ex.
Came home from my second job just wanting to chill with the bf. He says he's "too tired" to hang out. He was unemployed at the time and spending all his days playing PS1 games. I made a little, sarcastic comment on how exhausting full a day of FFVII must be (after I spent the last 8 hours in a shitty nursing home) and he totally flips shit.
He moves out less than 24 hours after I made that one comment, saying "I pushed him to the edge".
We were engaged and planning a wedding, but looking back I think I dodged a bullet there.
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Nope, not even in school anymore. I just picked up a book recently that discusses sexuality in Ancient Greece and now I'm a tad obsessed with mystery cults.
The book is called "Sacred Sexuality" by Georg Feuerstein, if you're interested. Although the general idea of the book is about embracing your sexuality, a good majority of it discusses the history of sexuality, starting from the paleolithic era all the way up to modern times. It's really fascinating!
He did you a favor that would have been a huge mistake, and he probably got that mad out of insecurity.
I accidentally dated someone instagram "famous" and because I guess I'm more aloof he got so insecure to the point of throwing a tantrum because I don't him whistling was annoying. He thought that was a great prerequisite to tell me about his childhood abuse, how i was using reverse psychology, cried to manipulate him, how i poorly handled his erectile dysfunction, how he didn't like having to wait four hours between my texts while i was at work, etc.
And he had the tiny little rat balls to call me
hysterical when I told him I wasn't putting up with his circus.
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>tfw being forced to go to a wedding
>whole thing is going to be 12 hours long
I wouldn't mind if it were a short thing or if I could leave early, but my parents are really anal about me staying the whole 12 hours. I'm very introverted and anxious and would rather not be forced into being around people that long, doing small talk or dancing. Literally hell. Feeling so uneasy about the whole thing.
Get onto retraining your brain, the link between language and psychology is pretty solid. Here are some tips a counsellor gave to me that have helped me:
Whenever you find yourself mentally berating yourself (calling yourself stupid etc) then notice it. Don't tell yourself off for it, don't think about why you do it, just take a second to go "ah, I did it again", and then get back on with whatever you were meant to be doing.
This sounds really dumb but try to say thank you to your thoughts/brain whether internally or out loud. It's doing it's best and probably only ever gets complaints from you as a result. Sometimes saying things like "thank you for worrying about whether or not I locked the door, that's an important job well done, but I know that the door is locked and so you don't have to worry anymore and your job is done".
Look at the way you use language with people. Try to say thank you instead of sorry.
E.g. "Thank you for taking the time to help me out again" rather than "Sorry that I'm no good". This takes a lot of practice but people like being thanked and feeling helpful, and having someone berate themselves in front of you can be uncomfortable.
As for being offensive it's sometimes good to just say "I often talk without thinking, please say if I mess up" or something, I have the same problem. Good luck!
No one should be forced to going to a wedding.
And 12 hours?? Even the longest wedding I attended lasted about 6-7 and that was because the reception/after party went on for fucking ever. I honestly only went because it was my favorite aunt, but damn, weddings are awful.
Are you underaged or something? I just wouldn't go.
That's sad. I lost my grandma last year.. she was 94. It really hurt me. She lived with me the last few years before she was sent to a 24 hour nursing care facility because she needed help and we were no medical professionals. Try to call him more or send him cards?
It would make him happy. His other kids are shit.
I used to be friends with this one dude, but last week he blocked me on everything because I was visiting where he lives (and where my boyfriend, who I was visiting, also lives) and I didn't text him right away.
Last time I was visiting, he picked me up at the airport (apparently an great inconvenience for him, but I told him I was ok with just taking the train by myself to get into town and he insisted), so maybe it was shitty of me to not text him, but to be honest, he's been really… I dunno… Like he's got this ugly dominance thing, and that's never meshed well my being a strong independent womyn.
He's never approved of my boyfriend either, and my boyfriend's always tried really hard to get along with him for my sake. Why would I put my boyfriend through the awkwardness of trying yet again to please a friend that cannot be pleased? "friend" said i should dump him and he can set me up with another guy that he approves of, but fuckit, he's not my dad and he doesn't get to approve of what or who I do. Not even my dad gets to do that tbh cos he trusts me to make decisions on my own and learn from my mistakes. Friend also, when I was single, or when I had just met my bf, would say "oh it's not so bad to be single, my uncle didn't get married until he was 50" but then in almost the same breath harp on how he's engaged and how wonderful it is to be engaged, and I'm just like… lol yea ok.
And shortly after I left last time, he got into a huge fight with his fiancee, whom he moved in with RIGHT AWAY and got engaged to RIGHT AWAY like less than a month after his last fiancee dumped him, because she was still friends an ex, and that kind of bothered me. When I first met her 2 years ago, she seemed normal, well adjusted, had kids of her own from a previous relationship that she was still in contact with, family that she was still in contact with, a fulltime job, etc., but since then she's cut ties with her family and her kids because they're the bad ones (her kids are teenagers so ofc they're going to say snotty things to their mother from time to time, that's a thing teenagers just do) and has stopped working since her anxiety has gotten so bad. She's completely dependent on my former friend now. And when I said "oh this is weird that he just blocked me" it was her who came onto my facebook to guilt trip me about how terrible it was that I hadn't called him. I told her the phone works both ways, and she said yeah that's right, the phone works both ways, which is why I should have, although busy whirlwinding around with everything else and bad at phones anyway, should've made the first call. Like if you knew I was in town you could've called me tho. Ffs. I cannot reach out to every single person all the time, and I came on this trip basically straight from work, for an 8 hour flight, and did my bf's graduation related activities most of the week.
His ex fiancee was the same way, started out a bit of a mess but was still slightly fine on her own, and later on turned into this helpless little thing that needed him to come over and squash spiders or w/e (poor girl later went on to date my npd ex, but thankfully that didn't last long), and I'm seeing a ghastly pattern here. He feeds into these girls' sickness and makes them think they're worse off than they actually are, just so he can control their lives under the guise of looking after them. A bit like munchhausens by proxy in a way. And with this current one he wants to move across the country, which would further isolate her from her family and friends.
He's also got a habit of putting his time and energy into wrecking the lives of people he doesn't like, and that worries me seeing as I'm on that list now. And this is what he's putting his time and energy into instead of working fulltime, because he says even though his employer offered him fulltime work, he wouldn't take it because that income level would put them out of the emergency housing they're at now (where he complains about junkies on the porch and how terrible the area is) and may not get a council flat right away, meaning he would have to use his own money to rent privately like most people do, and that would interfere with his glorious 5 year plan of whisking his fiancee away somewhere far away and buying a house. Must be nice to have the luxury of sticking to your 5 year plan, but don't complain about the junkies in yr front garden when you're actively choosing to live in a place where there are junkies in the front garden.
TL;DR I'm happy he's out of my life because he's fucking toxic, but I'm so worried for his current fiancee, and wondering if maybe his ex, as dumb as she was, was right about him in the end. Now I feel guilty for not believing her too. Ugh.
omg thank you anon, I actually have some acv lying around.>>103486
I've been kind of in your situation before, and it's easy for strangers to say "just leave" than it's done.
I remember if I got angry and tried talking back I'd start to choke up and cry, so I'd just go to my room. I don't think your mum knows how far she's going with it because she's probably going unchecked, and if she can get away with it, why not push it further?
My advice is; if you're staying in, be quiet. Stay in your room and do whatever productive stuff. If your mum comes in to tell you off, just look at her. If she tries to bait you, ask you what's wrong with you just give her quick, true opinions.
"you're being unreasonable"
"you're too controlling"
"I want to see my boyfriend/go out/leave"
"You're telling me at 20 years old to not leave the house for a week"
"I want an apology"
In my experience she'd usually go off on one for a long time, about how I'm ungrateful, about how she's justified about how she's acting because she's my mum etc. Just watch her and don't respond, even with your body language (and I'd usually use this time to hold back my stupid angry tears). Eventually she'll hear her own bullshit and check herself. Your constant feedback of solely what she's doing is wrong will help that along.
Good luck, it's frustrating af [spoiler] and honestly it never gets better, I'm 25 and have to keep her in check with sharp words often
>>103483>he blocked me BECAUSE i didn't text him right away
not>he blocked me AND i didn't text him right away
god it feels good to get that whole story off my chest tho.
I hate it when people say 'well if you don't like it then leave xD'. As if it's that easy, as if it doesn't involve a lot of money and paperwork.
I hate being poor. I just got fired from a mentally and physically exhausting job and I don't miss it (didn't even pay that well fwiw), but now I won't have any money and I need so many things.
I need to buy a few bras, I need a new pair of jeans that fits well and the only suitable pair I can find costs €114. I need 3 T-shirts but most T-shirts out there look too baggy on me. My nan is dying and I need money to go see her, I told my mam I can't afford it and she said I could come later, it's better if I skip the funeral and avoid the stress etc but you could hear she was trying not to cry when she said that and it makes me feel like shit, this woman literally raised me and I didn't even get to say goodbye.
Worst part is I can't tell any of this to anyone because nobody wants to listen and even my bf rolls his eyes whenever I ask him to talk about something.
Get a bike. Get swole.
But yeah, what is it with Muslim mums and shitty parenting? I've lived in several countries in the past 6 years and in all of them I've noticed that Muslim mothers have a habit of letting their kids run riot and bother other people. When they start howling in their buggies the mum usually does fuck all and just tries to ignore it. If I ever caused a scene my mammy would look me square in the eye and tell me she'll leave me on the train if I don't stop with the nonsense, though now she'd probably get arrested if she tried that.
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I'm really conflicted about my friends rn. I have known them since middle/high school and for the most part we get along but we have different interests and always do what "the leader" of the group wants to do (which is do fucking nothing but play d&d, go on tumblr to discuss SJW shit or how they are "SO GAY", and maybe watch a movie).
Also I hate driving their asses everywhere and not getting gas money, and hearing how their parents are abusive because they yelled at them for not doing the dishes. The're older than me, don't have their shit together, yet still talk down to me and treat me like I'm stupid because I'm an "airhead" and don't like reading Shakespeare or some shit. They also want us all to move out together but I don't want to have to drive one of their asses to and from work everyday, and have to spend the majority of my paycheck in rent (I live in bumfuck nowhere that's mostly occupied with tourists and vacationers, and rent is, on average, $1600/month for some shitty hole in the wall) when I'm already paying for my school, textbooks, car, meds, etc. Also my parent's don't mind me living at home since I'm not having a fucking emotional breakdown every other day, and will finish community college in a year, then transfer to a four year school to get my bachelor's. idk but I think now that I'm gaining back some self confidence I'm realizing I've only been friend's with them because I felt like no one else would ever hang out with me.
sorry if this is hard to read at times
You care more about pleasing them*
Oh hell no.
Anon you need to fuck them off and get yourself new friends. Honestly, stay at home and keep to yourself studying/working. Forget them because they sound like users and I've been used before too. Drop them.
This is less about you being a girl and more about your friends being shitty people who would treat you like that for being a girl.
Get some better ones or pull them up over it, you deserve better.>>103803
Just tell him that you know he's totally not but sometimes he's flirty with people without noticing it and you would really like him to stop doing it around you because it feels weird to you and could upset his girlfriend.
If he has a problem with it, fine, but it's better than them both having a problem with you. Make sure that when he is flirting with you, you're not nervously laughing it off or anything. Just be cold/ignore it etc, being avoidant can sometimes seem like you're returning it.
said. They think you are dumber than them just because you're a girl, they don't respect you. My friend group is all guys and they never needlessly question my taste/knowledge. Your friends should see you as their friend, not "the girl".
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Having a episode rn due to meds withdrawal, where just about anything will send me over the edge. Dealing with waves of sweating profusely, furious outbursts, sleeping habits more fucked then ever and my head & social skills are functioning like -00000,1%.
So now my bf brings over his fucking family who are like the most dense people you'll ever meet, staying at our apartment while he's at work during the days. Not that he normally understands how it is to be utterly depressed, but you'd think he'd put in a little consideration that I may not want to be seen like this.
I highly advise you first look for bikini waxing in your area. It won't be that expensive.
The first time you wax your skin can react a bit, spots or whatever, so really you want to get it done right. They will did it quick and in the most painless way, and then that will help you to have some idea of what you should be doing when you try it yourself.
If it helps, I feel exactly the same way you do. I love museums, libraries, the theater, the opera, even the odd contemporary piece of concert music.
But it's uniformly shitlib
Glad to hear I'm not alone. I actually love contemporary art/theater/music, esp the weird conceptual stuff lol.
I'm serious…is there such thing as a politically moderate major metropolitan area with cultural activities like NYC or Chicago or SF? I'm sick of keeping a stiff upper lip every time someone assumes I'm a progressive, geez I'm so closeted.
I guess it's because big cities are full of small-town rejects who view themselves as part of a broader struggle against the patriarchy/capitalism/oppressors/whatever, hence the fact that people even to the slightest right of them exist means that it's their mission to stomp it out completely.
I'll just have to keep holding my tongue while eating hippie food and attending gallery openings. :(
If you do try, at the very LEAST get a pot of hot wax and strips. I tried both, the already waxed strips had me bleeding out of near every pore, and the hot wax made it feel like I was waxing my leg with the waxed strips. I guess it's a bit more tricky because you have to make sure it's not too hot/too thick or it'll burn/not work.
Anyway my vent. Fucking conductor on the train rushed up to me to ask for my ticket on the 3 minute journey before changing lines. Bam, peak times £10 on what would've been a £3 journey if I managed it. To be honest and extra £7 isn't too bad for an unfortunate extra cost, but I'm trying so hard to save up right now, refusing and denying myself so much for it to go to that cow.
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Don't stay silent. If you don't challenge their views they'll always stay smug and in the right.
I'm extremely nonconfrontational by nature and find it hard to call people out in general…even for something as mindnumbingly stupid as claiming Romney would be a slave to the LDS if he were elected president, then, 4 years later, admitting that he was a good governor only
after Trump emerges as the presumptive Republican presidential nominee. This is a real convo I had with someone who is a dear friend of mine and I'm genuinely afraid the relationship would be damaged if I challenged them, even in a respectful way.
It's like, come on, just admit you hate conservatives/Republicans/libertarians/everyone who isn't a textbook progressive. Don't pretend that your criticisms are at all rational when they're clearly full of fallacies and exceptions made for your own side.
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My sister is making me go on a trip with her to some kind of health and well-being seminar for women next year and I'm kind of upset about it. It's going to be very expensive but according to her I never do anything for myself and need to get out and take control of my life.
Whenever I actually do things for myself that I enjoy she just doesn't care or thinks it's weird. If I were to spend the amount she blows on these trips on something like a comic convention she'd think I was psychotic. When we were ordering the tickets I started crying and couldn't say anything more than "ok" "mmmhmm" and on the other side all I could hear was her skipping around yelling "YAAAAAAAAAY WE'RE GOING TO CALIFORNIA :DDDDDDDDDDDDD"
$600 fucking dollars for yoga, wine and pyramid scheme nutrition company shills.
Maybe being a friendless introvert for so long is making me too pessimistic but I feel like I'm just going to get it over with and hope she never asks me to do something like this with her again.
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Someone just stole my dad's two guns while he was parked in my grandma's driveway. Absolutely nothing else was even looked through much less taken, just the middle compartment. The was a gps, cop detector, wallet, car keys, even ammo. All they took was one gun on the top of it and one gun underneath a bunch of stuff they would've had to dig for that was right next to the ammo. It's definitely either a criminal and/or illegal or someone planning to commit a very serious crime. Fuck Houston tbh. One of the highest rates of human trafficking here too and it's directly linked to the cartel. But thank god we have "diversity" and open borders.
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Stay strong anon! Is there a reason you've stopped taking meds? Can/do you want to get back on them? I know what you're feeling right now, you'll get through this. Hopefully his family will leave soon. Also I would write down your feelings, double check everything, and talk to your bf about them, seeing as just talking as you go could result in an outburst.
I go to a community college that's like 90% black/hispanic, and the first semester I was there, I would get mistaken for some chick named Amanda upwards of 5 times a week.
Eventually, someone pointed her out to me in the library, and literally the only thing we had in common looks-wise is we're both tall, skinny white chicks. We didn't even have the same hair color or face shape.
And they say reverse racism isn't real, lmao.
How is that racism>inb4 SJW
for the record, people not being able to tell others apart is not racism by any means, asian or white
>Meet guy at bar
>Guy likes me, I like him back.
>We chat and flirt all night
>Guy has to go and leaves fast.
>Never asked for my number or anything
>Well, it was fun.
>Get changed to another class because school fucked up
>Guy is there
>Chat and flirt all semester
>Guy helps me in everything, we talk a lot, he is such a gentleman.
>Being so sure of a new bf I decided to confess.
>"Hey, Guy, I like you"
>"Uh, sorry not ready for a relationship rn"
I was so smitten by this man, didn't wanted to acknowledge he is still clinging to his ex. I actually feel pretty stupid since we don't talk anymore. I didn't only got rejected but lost the possibility of a cool friendship. IDK, I feel so played and heartbroken.
Also, it was a mother fucking cute story. What the fuck, guy?
I think anon was joking about the "y'all look alike" effect rather than making a serious argument about racism. Lighten up.>>104071
Sometimes it just takes one shared characteristic.
My crush changed his FB profile pic to one of him and his new gf. Shit ruined my Friday night. To be perfectly honest, I hope he and this fat Chinese girl have the worst break-up in the history of mankind. Ugh and I'm visiting the city they live in next month.
So I know exactly how you feel anon.
Reverse racism isn't real. It's just called racism.
What you're describing is called the cross race effect. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-race_effect
Aaaaaaand we are a business that specializes in bling (sort of… our target demographic really is old people so we carry stuff that old people like) in an area that used to be a rich people suburb back 50 years ago when the shop was established and is now… not a rich people suburb by any means. Which is ok. People still buy stuff. But we've got the cops in every couple months or so, and the area is declining further. We've got a buzzer to let people in, and we've got panic buttons all over, but it's still scary af sometimes.
Another gal at work got a weird phone call from a trucking company the other day asking if they could track her, and sketchy dude of today was coincidentally a trucker from the same area, blindly snapping photos of the diamond case, sort of shooting photos from the hip, which is weird, so that's why the cops got called this time.
I met him when he was visiting town with his friend, and we ended up spending a ton of time with each other. He even told me I had everything he wanted in a girlfriend. I think we would be pretty good for each other, if it wasn't for the fact that he wasn't single.
Apparently all of his friends hate his gf and think she's a bitch so whatever. If he ever breaks up I know who I'll be chatting up.
I'm glad that he's happy. But lmao don't tell me you've never had a crush on a guy who didn't like you back.
Proper homemaking/household management is hard work, esp with children. That's def pulling your weight.
The two women I vented about are just leeches. One of them has a codependent relationship with her husband and from what I've heard from him when he was drunk is that they don't even have sex anymore. So no proper emotional support … or really anything else there.
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so i was assigned female at birth but i have some serious issues. i've always been okay with my breasts but i have horrible, horrible dysphoria involving my vagina. it's uncomfortable and i've always wished i could have a penis, i wish for a surgery to fix it every day. i feel like such a failure.
i've been diagnosed with mental disorders involving my personality/perception of the world which makes my identity even harder to figure out. tumblr has made me feel like an absolute joke with their "uwu gender roles are bs uwuwuwuw" shit. mental illness and being trans isn't a joke. i want to use the label bigender to possibly describe the physical dysphoria i have, but tumblr fucked me over with that too. i'm a special snowflake because of my various disabilities. i'm seen as a joke and i really wish other people with uncommon dysphoria(wanting no genitals/sex characteristics, wanting both characteristics, etc) could be taken seriously.
honestly i'm not even sure how seriously i'm going to be taken on here.
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I'm so sorry, anon. I absolutely take this seriously, and it really is fucked up how tumblr "transtrenders" are taking attention away from people like you who are legitimately suffering from gender dysphoria. I don't understand what you're going through personally, but you have my sympathy, and I believe you.
Sounds like you've already been given some diagnoses, so I assume you've already seen a psychiatrist. Have you spoken with one, specifically, about your dysphoria with your vagina? I know there are a number of counselors on psychology today that specialize in gender issues. You just have to type in your zip code, and there should be a filter on the sidebar for "transgender."
You also might find some of the videos by the user Yorick on youtube comforting.
I wish you the best of luck <3
thanks anon. as for the diagnosis, i'm still nervous about bringing it up but i was very close to touching ground with it with a therapist i had been seeing, unfortunately visits were expensive and i had to call it quits. once i land a secure job i'm going to save up for a visit to a psychologist that specializes in my kind of issue.>>104231
my perception of myself varies. it doesn't have anything to do with ~gender roles uwu~ but i don't really like being seen as female either. i won't sperg out about it when people refer to me as a woman, because i understand that people don't really understand my situation and it's likely they'd make fun of it if i even tried to explain it. so i guess in a way you're right>>104233
if you have to wear a binder normally to feel comfortable but don't mind being seen as a woman, then it's a body thing. if you don't want to be seen as a woman, then it's probably a gender thing. i'm not a professional but if it's causing you discomfort i'd recommend researching it and possibly getting an appointment with a therapist if possible?
I don't necessarily agree that it's all sex or 'dark' but I do find western music kind of pretentious in comparison to kpop and jpop. Not necessarily pretentious as in trying to be intellectual, more like trying to be cool. Normies have their cool party music, hipsters have their cool indie music, metalheads have their cool hardcore music, etc. Dorky music just doesn't fly in any subculture in the west but kpop and jpop have plenty of cutesy, cheesy, bubble gum pop girl groups/boybands that aren't cool in any language.
Also, I think anime OSTs promote a lot of variety in sound/genre. The OP and ED have to fit the show first of all, so it encourages bands to make music to suit certain themes, if that makes sense? It seems like you get a lot of stuff that sounds different to mainstream Japanese music because it doesn't necessarily have to be radio friendly, and you sometimes get talented soundtrack composers involved too. Like for example, Yuki Kajiura and Kalafina are amazing but I can't imagine music like theirs ever being on western radio because it's too 'cinematic' sounding.
I'm sure there's lesser known western stuff that compares but I spent a lot of time jumping from genre to genre before I got into asian pop and it's true for a lot of subcultures.
You sound like a delusional underage weeb who has no idea how idea music actually works in Asia and who barely knows anything about music.
Also I seriously doubt Kalafina is played on Japanese music stations.
I actually listen to a lot of J-pop (My favorite is Onitsuka Chihiro) but you seriously have the same attitude I did when I was 12. It's very cringe inducing. Since then I've expanded my range of music a lot (I listened to a lot of hip hop for a while) and sex in music doesn't bother me anymore lmao.
>>104554>Also I seriously doubt Kalafina is played on Japanese music stations.
I wasn't saying they are, but they're at least on music shows on TV so I just specified the west.
But anyway, I think you're overreacting since it's not like I'm saying there's more musical talent in jpop or anything. It's a fair observation that boybands and girl groups are often too cheesy for western audiences, or that differently structured music promotions will lead to different types of music being released.
I listen to mainly Western music (and the Japanese music I do listen to is mostly hip hop and jazz) but I see where you're coming from. Thinking of cutesy fun songs like Call Me Maybe, people in the West liked to hate on it but it was really popular nonetheless. Artists like Sia and Adele usually get more praise and although I like their music I agree that they aren't particularly uplifting. Even though "Send My Love To Your New Lover" is pretty upbeat for an Adele song, it's still not "dance-y", ya know.
I listen to a lot of music so I'll try and dig up some reccs anon.
>>104669>Artists like Sia and Adele usually get more praise
That's exactly what I meant, anon, thank you.
It's not like I think there's no cutesy/uplifting music at all (though I can see how it can sound that way when you're ranting), it's just that they're rare compared to the slit-my-rists-n-cri lyrics that get the most airtime.
Here's some good stuff I like (also, anon who mentioned Janelle Monae, she's adorable and I really want to like her music but for some reason I'm finding it really difficult) if anyone else is interested:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQtyCNa00tchttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elyk9MBY72Uhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tD4HCZe-tewhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CySRgtT5kVI
Janelle Monáe-anon here. Try her album Electric Lady; here's the title track: https://youtu.be/LPFgBCUBMYk
The ArchAndroid was a bit too much for me on my first listen, but it's now mindblowingly good for me. I understand it's not to everyone's tastes, though.
I liked the first two tracks you linked to. They remind me of 1960s music; you should check out stuff from back then if you haven't already.
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Someone in my skype group is being really thirsty for me and I don't know if I want to enable their behavior or not considering I'm trying to go after another guy IRL. Feels weird actually being lusted after. What do?
Hey anon, sorry it took a while to respond.
Well the intense anxiety and paranoia is long gone. It's this constant apathy that bothered me for a while, but i guess that's what antidepressants do to ya. I feel that I'll be coolio without them for now, gonna fill my days with doing shit like picking up my hobbies, get routines in check etc.
Thank you for your words man. Actually started writing shit down even tho it feels awkward haha, but surely will help since my head is as intact as a bag of dogshit
Tell him that it's making you uncomfortable and if he doesn't listen tell him to fuck off or something. If he persists ignore him. Block his contact if you need to and if he's in your group either ignore him or let someone in the group know what's going on so they can get after him. Maybe he'll get the boot by then or get the message that he should cut it out.
Don't enable him. Just put your foot down.
Literally the narrative the Graun, BBC et al are pushing.
That of the non-existent "backlash" against Muslims.
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>mfw I get a mail that tells me I'm not getting a job I really wanted for the 20th time this month
>I'm poor and I want to save up for college and my hobbies
>getting acne all over my body so I cant wear shorts and tshirts anymore
>friends aren't in my city or country anymore because they're with their family at home for the summer
>log on fb for the first time in the month, a friend posted a screenshot of our private conversation on line on her public fb (it was about pkmn go so nothing suspicious or embarrassing but still, wtf)
I'm feeling like shit these days but today is the worst. I've got nobody to talk to irl now, it sucks, I'm lonely so I'm trying to kill time with vidya but it's not working anymore.
Actually homogeneous white communities in North America and Western Europe are generally extremely peaceful and have high levels of trust.
Don't compare us to you. Thanks.
Same here. But we still get a paycheck.
At least we can feel superior to unemployed and homeless people.
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>gather courage to talk to the girl I like face to face
>Can't sleep because thinking about what to do tomorrow
>End up sending her a message about it
I fucked up haven't I? We've been getting along really well and she has her sides split everytime I make a joke. She still hasn't replied fuck I'm nervous.
Boyfriend and I have been having troubles for a long time. Mainly just that things have been boring, dull, there's no excitement anymore. He's been depressed because he hates his job, gained weight, lost friends and doesn't really make an effort to involve himself in hobbies or anything. I've tried to help him so much to get out of the vicious circle he's in. He is really the nicest and calmest and loveliest guy in the world.
The other night he flipped his shit at me and said he's not attracted to me cause I'm fat, (I'm average weight) disgusting, I eat too much and I'm too childish and lazy.
We broke up yesterday, mutually. A mature breakup, we talked about it and that it was probably best for both of us to go our separate ways, and I mentioned how hurt I was by the things he said the other day.
He didn't say sorry. He said "Okay".
Now I'm alone, things are awkward with our mutual friends and we still have to live together. I was horrible at work today and I'm embarrassed and scared because I'm depressed. I'm broke as fuck and I'm just fucking sick of this.
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She read the messages 30 mins ago and no answer, fuck.
Yes, you are a dumbass. She's probably just taken aback about it though. Three likely scenarios:
1) She shares your feelings and will respond in kind.
2) She's disgusted by the thought and will be super uncomfortable around you.
3) She's just surprised and doesn't know how to respond.
Nothing we can say to make you feel any calmer about it unfortunately. Get some booze, get some sleep, and just face it tomorrow.
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Calm and confident I think. I'm not sending any, about to go to sleep now. She's pretty bubbly and outgoing, never thought of her as shy.>>105031
Yeah probably, fuck I just had to do this aren't I. Fuck me.
Depersonalization/derealization disorder, anon. Do you smoke weed? That seems to be a common trigger
for a good bit of people.
Nah, they're definitely not if you're being serious. I don't believe in that multiple personality crap anyways.
I was drunk last night and I was exaggerating when I said they didn't want to do anything with me. We've chatted a little bit over the last couple of weeks since we've seen each other. It's just that it hasn't been much as I'd like, and we haven't had a proper call in a while which would be helpful.
idk what to do. Like before my birthday in June, I was pretty upset about something but they wouldn't pick up the phone for like two weeks straight. Then I went off the grid to go camping, and the first call I made afterwards, they picked up. Weird. Then we hung out for quite a bit after that. So hopefully they'll come around and they won't be too stressed.
Haha one detail I conveniently forgot to mention is that this person is my ex. lmao
idk, I guess he definitely a pussy. But who has the heart to say, "Hey, I met a girl at a music festival, and we did a ton of drugs and fell in love? Oh yeah we cheated too and I told her a bunch of stuff I never told you?"
Also the guys I like are really rare and hard to find. >>105136
Honestly I never wanted anyone to analyze? I just wanted to vent. Like I've said I don't think anyone's advice is helpful here. If I asked for anyone else's advice, they would have told me "He's totally ghosting on you, you need to let it go and don't bother." At least up until the last time we saw each other that would not have been the right advice.
So yeah it's a guy. Actually he's trying to be a tranny lmao. Yeah I get it, he's mentally ill. I've told him, and I've let him know that I really don't approve.
As for why I bother, I like most everything about him except for the tranny thing and the slow to respond/moody thing. Also I don't have a ton of people in my life to talk to, and it's nice that I have someone I've known for a long time who will listen to me and not really care/judge. Annnnd the cuddling.
Life would be more convenient if I was down to hook up with random guys all the time and was ok with cuddling with them. But I only hook up while drunk, and then I feel so uncomfortable when I sober up. The last guy I hooked up with, I tried to get him to leave by saying I couldn't fall asleep with someone else in bed with me. Big lie.
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I'm feeling more and more down because I never have any money, and I want more than anything to be independent. I'm only 18 with no worthwhile qualifications, so I've been applying to every low level job there is, but no luck.
Everyone my age I ask about how they got their job is that they knew someone there and got in without even having to hand in a resume.
I've been rejected and not replied to so many times, then I have people left and right asking me why I haven't got a job. When I tell them the truth they say that I have to hit the pavement and apply in person instead of online, but don't seem to realise that shops will literally knock you back and tell you to apply online, which also makes you look like a dickhole.
I'm so sad that my generation is the least likely to ever truly own any sort of house, even with hard work. It doesn't help having old people rant on about how lazy we are and we just don't work had enough to buy a house. Fine: give me a job that will let me end up with 300k+ after paying for all necessities, then I'll believe you.
I just feel like such a burden.
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>go to bathroom at work
>Toilet seat is stained with piss and it's unflushed
I fucking hate these people.
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EPILEPSY. I'm epileptic, and I find it the most frustrating shit ever, my seizures are sort of controlled, I haven't had a grand mal in a while but I still have tonic fits, I work in education and though people are very good with it, I find when I haven't had a seizure in a while people seem to think that means I'm fine, they don't realise the horrible effects of my medication and the daunting worry that I'll have a fit then you get others who are very wary of me. THEN you get the occasional wally who goes "I know if you when you have a seizure I should put something in your mouth" FUCKING NO. It all gets me down massively, anyone got any advice or feel the same?
I find it's the same with any chronic illness. I'm schizophrenic, and people do the same thing, if I've been fine for a bit, they just assume that it's because it's all over now and I'm fine There's no way to fix this though, people close to you learn it eventually, but if they haven't already, there's nothing you can do to make them get it. You kind of just have to learn to accept that most people aren't going to understand what's going on with you, and that they don't really need to. I've got no idea what their issues are, they don't need to understand mine usually either.
And the people who have wrong advice or the wrong idea are at least trying to help. Isn't that advice true for a certain sort of seizure though? To stop you biting your tongue off or something? Or is that just a pop culture thing completely.
It's definitely not an uncommon thing, and it makes sense really, most people haven't experienced stuff like that that comes and goes so drastically.
That's interesting about the first aid thing, though I have to ask, is the whole point about making sure the area around them is free of any hard corners or whatever true? That's one thing I remember being taught for certain is that it's important to make sure the area around them is free of anything they could hurt themselves on or break.
What sort of epilepsy do you have, too? Is this advice true for all of them?
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Yeah, I totally understand that people don't understand it, and people usually can be quite frightened by it, I wear a medical braclet and carry a card that gives first aid advice, moving things away is because some people can convulse very voilently and hurt themselves on chairs/tables etc, I have cryptogenic epilepsy which pretty much means doctors have no idea what causes it, I mainly have tonic seizures (going stiff and falling down without losing consciousness) and grand mals (collapse, convulse, piss myself haha)
It definitely is a scary disorder, thankfully I've never experienced seizures though.
So the part about moving stuff away is true then? Does the stuff in the pic apply to grand mals too, or should you be more forceful with that, and try to restrain the person somewhat?
So they can't track where it's happening for you? At one point they thought I had a type that caused psychotic episodes, but from my knowledge they scanned where it would be and it was clear, isn't diagnosis based off a scan of the brain usually?
A grand mal and tonic clinic are the same thing, there are so many different words and terms, I've had mri's, eegs, lumbar punches (as at first they thought I had menigitus or encephalitis) and no joy! There are more than 40 types though, I've been very lucky though, my past few grand mals have been in shops or the pub and there's been someone who either knows someone or has epilepsy themselves as it's surprisingly common. Yeah, if someone has a seizure where they fall then just make sure they can't hurt themselves on anything, it's really difficult to give advice really as people's fits are so different, but the basics are on that poster, I really apricate your interest in being aware :)
Oh, well I suppose you learn something every day, I had no idea of that.
And yeah, that is really lucky. Generally if I an suffering an episode and am in public I just end up with the police called on me if it's noticeable, so I suppose that's one upside to epilepsy that people are more understanding of it than with some other illnesses. There's always some sort of silver lining, same as mine is that there's no real chance of me seriously injuring myself unintentionally.
>the basics are on that poster, I really apricate your interest in being aware :)
Yep, I gave it a read and saved it, thanks. And of course, I really like being able to help with shit where I can, especially with illness, and it turns out I knew nothing about epilepsy really, so this was really constructive for me too. I hope I could help you out somehow as well.
Good luck anon, I hope the medications work well for you in the future.
It honestly really depends on the episode. But essentially it starts off with just being more confused about stuff, things make less sense, I mess up words and the like, and it just develops into delusional thoughts, like "The TV is talking to me with subliminal messages" or something. Hallucinations aren't constant, but generally fit in with whatever the overall feeling is. So if I'm freaked out, they're in a way that freaks me out more.
To use the worst example, it started off how I described, building up over a couple weeks, and at it's maximum led to me believing that everyone alive was possessed or controlled by something. This set me off massively (and with the hallucinations, many people seemed like they had black eyes, which confirmed it). Once this hits for this sort of thing, it's just all encompassing fear for a long period of time, which leads to you acting like a normal terrified person would, lashing out and being really defensive. This is probably my worst one because my partner at the time ended up getting physically hurt because they were trying to help me but got too close and I cut them, and it ended up with a police confrontation and me in a psych ward for a while. No charges though.
Others have been really mood based, so like, if I was heavily depressed, I might become convinced I'm actually in hell and am being punished for something.
It's really hard to describe though, because it's not the same for everyone. The only consistent things are the delusions and confused thinking.
Only advice I could give is that if you think someone is actively psychotic, don't play games around it. Call whatever your local emergency number is, and ask them if they think the person needs to be hospitalised, because it's really unpredictable where it can go.
Most of the time though I just suffer from depression, and don't seem like there's anything else wrong, so people assume I'm all better. And for the time I am, but it's very much because I life really controlled life, I don't do much of anything, stress is a massive trigger
for that sort of stuff. Long term stress at least.
I wish I could explain better somehow, but it's hard to over such a broad scale.
Also, I wanted to ask, do you have anything that sets off seizures for you? I know it's not usually flashing lights and can be other stuff too, but is it just random for you?
It's easier to deal with than it sounds really, it's not very common for me anymore, maybe a month or two of the year are spent that way at this point, it's manageable. I'd definitely prefer it to something like what you're describing.
You're right though, it's interesting how we act like we know so much about it, but there's just so much shit that can go wrong we don't have any idea why it does. We know pretty much nothing about the brain overall.
You never know though, she might have gotten a few days off work with pay for that, I'd definitely have gone for it if it was just some retail job and I was her. I can't imagine what it would be like to just have control ripped from you like that randomly though, that sounds terrible. At least with my stuff you can pretty much learn to tell when it's coming on and what sort of stuff can set it off.
Are you medicated for it? Or have any form of therapy?
Yeah, I hope she did, they were very sweet and gave me a gift bag of stuff from the shop! I'm quite lucky with my tonic seizures as I get a metallic taste and my sight goes blurry so I know to sit down somewhere safe
I've been medicated in the past, but they're all pretty harsh on me, so I rely on avoiding the things that set it off mostly. I am on a low dose of an anti-psychotic, but only very low, it just helps the low lying stuff stay away. I do therapy, yeah.
That's a good point, having the slight bit of warning would be helpful, you sometimes hear about people where it's much more sudden than that and messes them up pretty bad. Are you able to get medication for it? Does the whole CBD oil thing really work as far as you know?
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I don't smoke weed and I've never taken any drugs aside from painkillers found in any grocery store
I guess this all started at the beginning of the year when I realised how mentally ill my mother is, I don't know how that would be connected though
Therapy's just with a psychologist in my local area I was referred to by my GP, who somehow knows pretty much every doctor within a 50km radius. I see a psychiatrist as well, though I was referred to him out of an inpatient setting, not by my GP.
And that makes sense if the anti-seizure medications work that you wouldn't actually need to look into anything else.>>105298
Any dissociative disorder can be pretty linked to a stressful of traumatic event, which depending on the circumstance I can see why finding that out about your mother would be.
Though it's not very easy for us to diagnose anything for you because none of us are psychiatrists or have seen your presentation. I'd really recommend you did talk to your GP about it if it's bothering you and impacting your life.
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My boyfriend honestly thinks I'm ugly and told me so. I don't really know what to do. He even deleted all the pictures and videos he ever had of me. A while before he told me actually. I mean I never actually thought he really did think I was cute but it really hurts tbh. I don't really have any hope that it'll work out between us anymore.
He says he loves me despite it and that I look okay in some and that maybe I'll look better with weightloss, but I'm so close to 100 pounds and if I'm so disgusting that he had to delete every picture no amount of weightloss will ever change that. He said the only reason he ever wanted pictures or videos was to see if I got better.
I still really want to be together but I don't know what I'd do when we're together. If I could wear a mask 24/7 I would but it's not like I could meet his parents like that. There's no way we could ever have sex without him imaging someone else either. I'm literally 100% flat without even mosquito bites, have an undefined waist and hips, a really small butt, and I'm 4'11 so it's not like I could have long legs. We had problems with attraction even before this. It made me go from feeling super lewd daily all day to completely dead for a while now. I can't even masturbate because of how disgusting I feel. I hate my body and face so much tbh.
I can't even imagine us being together anymore. Much less do something like cuddle or kiss. I feel really stupid and disgusting. I honestly feel like I don't deserve to be with him. He's a really great guy and deserves someone he'd actually be attracted to. He keeps saying he's with me because he likes my personality but there's no way that's enough when I'm this gross. Honestly I'm pretty sure he's only with me because me obsessing over him makes him feel good and with someone that's both so ugly and has such a shit body he won't have to worry about cheating like what's happened to him before.
I'm gonna keep up with my weightloss and show him at the end, but I really really doubt he'll ever be even a little bit attracted to me.
Jfc girl I hope this is bait. Otherwise you're both delusional.>100 pounds
I hope you mean kilos.
You honestly really shouldn't be with someone that talks to you like that, and doesn't respect you. It's okay if your partner finds an aspect of you unattractive, but he sounds like he's being a dick towards you for no reason, and you don't sound particularly overweight at all (though I don't know what a normal weight for someone at your height is), you sound skinny in fact.
Why be with someone that thinks insulting you is okay?
Don't let him just use you until someone more attractive comes along.
Dump his ass. He doesn't love you, that's just him being a manipulative and abusive piece of shit.
I know it's hard, but please. DUMP HIM.
Being there done that. You will feel a thousand times better after you got rid of that fecal waste of oxygen.
lol bro if he's negging you like that he's emotionally abusive and grooming you into being one of those mentally crippled complacent wives. find someone who likes you jfc.
actually it deepnds on how he said it. if it's like "hey bitch u fug" then ya he's fucking your little brain up.
if he said like, "hey maybe we can work out together or something" then he probably does think you're fat and ugly but wants to help with that shit.
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find a NICE GUY
Nah, she's only 4'11. she meant pounds.>>105308
I bet you're cute; enough with the self-loathing.
Honestly idk why anyone would tell someone else shit like that. Your bf sounds like a manipulative prick. Also don't lose too much weight, nobody thinks skellies are attractive.
I'm 4'11, I used to be 200 pounds a few years ago but I've been steadily losing weight. I hate sending body pics so the last pic I sent was around 15-20 pounds ago which is a lot on a small short frame. Ideally I'd be around 85-90 pounds.
We were arguing about attraction already when he brought up my face. It wasn't really an insult he was just being honest. We get along really well most of the time and we talk literally every single day for hours since we met in December. He keeps saying he still really wants to be with me and he's still attracted to me, but I think he's trying to fool himself into thinking that so he doesn't feel shallow. Since he admitted it he's been trying really hard to make me feel better.>>105315
I'm really honestly not. Not kandajin tier but definitely way uglier than than every other lolcow and snowflake here. Literally no one other than my family members have ever called me anything but ugly and manly.
If I start looking skelly I'll stop but I've got a small frame with very little muscle and my grandma with the exact same height and very similar frame looked very skinny fat at 100 pounds like I do right now and healthy/skinny a bit lower.
>>105308>I feel really stupid and disgusting. >I honestly feel like I don't deserve to be with him. >He's a really great guy and deserves someone he'd actually be attracted to.
He tells you these things because he wants you to feel this way. If you ever realise your true value, there's a chance you might leave.
Try and step back from the situation and imagine one of your friends, someone you really care about, was being treated like this. Read your post as if you were sent it. Would you accept it? Would you believe them when they tell you their BF is too good for them? Do you think a genuinely nice person could ever treat your beloved friend like this?
He might not even realise he's doing it, so it's not necessarily malicious. But that makes it even more dangerous for you, if this is how he intuitively interacts with people then there's very little hope of him unlearning it.
Fuck off namefag.
Even with that, it's not okay to call your partner ugly and make them feel insecure and shitty in the relationship, as others have said it can very easily be a sign of him being manipulative, making you feel worse so that you don't feel like you can go out and meet other people, and as such can't meet someone better than him, and will do anything to keep him.
Unless he was incredibly apologetic and just said it in the middle of an already heated argument where insults were already flying, I don't think there's really any way to justify it. It could be okay if it was in that situation, but from what you're saying it wasn't, and he just outright told you you were ugly, which isn't okay.
What sort of a retard would call a 4'11 girl manly anyway? Especially if you have a small frame.>>105318
This person put it really well.
Would you go out of your way to tell someone that you think they're ugly? Do you think that's an acceptable way to behave towards someone else, even if it's truly how you feel? Other than intentionally trying to hurt someone's feelings, do you think it's ever appropriate to tell someone you think they're unattractive, even if they are?
>Since he admitted it he's been trying really hard to make me feel better.
In the cycle of abuse this is called the honeymoon period. He makes sure to comfort you for the pain he himself inflicted, so that you always come running back to him when he has upset you. He's not remorseful, he's making sure you associate being hurt by him with being comforted by him.
>>105318>He tells you these things because he wants you to feel this way. If you ever realise your true value, there's a chance you might leave.
He's never told me this. He's never even really hinted at it. Hence the "I feel" and not "he told me/implied" like I said about being ugly. He tries to give me tons of compliments all the time, especially now after this. Whenever I feel sad or my health issues get to me he always tries his best to make me feel better. To be completely honest I've almost definitely got some mental problems of my own and he still puts up with me.>>105320>>105322>What sort of a retard would call a 4'11 girl manly anyway? Especially if you have a small frame.
My face mostly, my jaw and chin are pretty messed up plus I have thin wide lips. Hence why he said he's sure I'll "look even better with weightloss". Also I have a really unfortunate bodytype like I described in my first post, plus while most of my body is small my shoulders are slightly above average and because of the difference and narrow hips it makes them look even wider.
I know lolcow always wants the most dramatic thing to be true, but not every problem with a relationship is because one person is abusive. Literally every time someone posts about a relationship they get told they're being "gaslighted" and manipulated.
We were already talking about attractiveness and arguing about it. It wasn't even meant as that much of a bad thing. He was saying I'd just look even better with weightloss and then everything else came out because I asked him about it.
Can you clarify what happened then? Because you put it like he outright said you're ugly and undesirable, and now you're acting like he just said you'd look better if you lost weight and you just felt like he thought you were ugly. If it's the first, that is emotionally manipulative, especially with the rest your described, but if it's the latter, you're just being overly sensitive and should deal with it.
But until you tell us which one it is, no-one can help at all.
>I'm really honestly not. […] definitely way uglier than than every other lolcow and snowflake here. Literally no one other than my family members have ever called me anything but ugly and manly.
I don't believe it for a minute. Post a pic of someone that looks like you. It's like >>105320
said, I've never seen a mannish-looking ANYTHING at 4 foot 11. Unless it's Peter Dinklage or somebody like that.
ngl 200 pounds at that size is a lot, but you've gotten yourself so much healthier! You have so much drive and willpower.
If your mom was the only one who ever called you pretty maybe she was right and your bf is wrong.
>>105323>Literally every time someone posts about a relationship they get told they're being "gaslighted" and manipulated.
Bullshit. Most of them get completely ignored. A ton of the time they get told they're in the wrong, and to stop being a dick to their partner.
Sometimes a post like yours gets five or six replies telling them to leave because they're clearly in a toxic relationship that is very obviously unhealthy from the outside. and then the person either replies considering the advice or they post a bunch of justifications for their partners behaviour that for anyone who's ever witnessed an abusive relationship or god forbid been in one, instantly recognises as the mindset of an abused person. Usually they get mad that other people would imply their partner is bad in any way, even though they were the one complaining in the first place.
>B-but it's my fault he calls me horrible names, I make him lose his temper by being shit>I'm ugly I deserve to be treated like this though>He's the nicest person except for the 25% of the time he treats me like shit in these specific ways
lol dude this is like manipulation 101
he's making you feel shitty so that you feel lucky to have someone out of your league so that you stay loyal and obedient
you're being reprogrammed lol
Both really, he didn't mean for it to be an outright "you're ugly lol" but after us arguing when I asked him about it he admitted it and said that right now face wise he doesn't find me attractive at all. That he's never kept any picture I've sent him (and I have 0 pictures posted anywhere on the internet) and that the only reason he ever wanted pictures or videos was to see if I got better. He says he was happy I sent them anyway so he could see more of me but I'm not sure if I believe that tbh.
I guess it's being oversensitive but if he can't stand looking at my pictures how is he going to deal with it irl? It's not like it's something that just matters in a sexual context either. If he can't find me even the tiniest bit attractive how is he going to feel when we're talking face to face or cuddling and everything. >>105325
I told you it's mostly face, I'm not going to search the internet for someone who looks really similar to me. I have a really wide jaw and prominent chin. My mom also told me I was "so skinny" at 170 pounds and that I was "skin and bones" and shouldn't lose anymore at 130. So I'm not exactly all that sure that she's the most accurate opinion.
Also since this has happened before I'm not some "tiny kawaii asian". I have really mature features and I'm white.>>105327
This isn't a witch hunt post or a please help me post. I was just ranting because I'm tired of being ugly. And I don't know what you're looking at but unless the anon is going "I cheated and took all his money lol" any problems with the relationship always get put down as abuse.
All I wanted was advice on how to deal with being ugly and your partner not being attracted to you. If anything I wanted to be told to get over it and to try to accept that he wants to be with me anyway. I just wanted to make it clear that it wasn't just me reading into things that weren't there or "everyone is beautiful uwu" and I got that anyway.
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>Best friend gets a boyfriend
>All she does is talk about him
>When she gets in a fight with him I have to comfort her
>When I have a problem she tells me to get over it or doesn't respond to my texts until way later
>I want to tell her what I really think but I'm generally easygoing so I know she would flip out on me
What it comes down to is that if your partner is deleting all your photos and did outright say that you aren't attractive to him in the slightest, yet wants to be with you for some reason, he's being manipulative. I've dated people that physically aren't that attractive looking back on it, but in the moment seemed like they were stunningly good looking and I was massively attracted to, because of who they were.
Frankly, even if this isn't some planned out manipulation tactic, the guy's being a fucking prick to you, and clearly doesn't care that much about you. You simply don't treat someone you supposedly want to be with that way, because it is abusive behaviour. Abuse isn't just some 40 year old balding redneck with a bit of a gut who beats his wife and drinks too much, it's much larger scale and more insidious than that.
I really doubt you're as ugly as you're saying you are, and until we've actually seen you it's impossible to say, but the thing is that by virtue of you apparently being someone he cares deeply about and possibly loves, you should be very attractive to him.
The fact this is upsetting you as much as it is should be proof enough that the relationship isn't healthy.
I'm thinking I might have to do that. Either that or I'll have to grow a pair and just tell her how I feel.
It's just hard because there's times where she genuinely seems to care.
No, everyone just told you that even if you are ugly you don't deserve to be made to feel like shit by someone who's supposed to love you. Under no circumstance were the things he said to you okay. You feeling bad about them was not an unreasonable reaction.
>All I wanted was advice on how to deal with being ugly and your partner not being attracted to you.
And you got it. The advice is leave,by unanimous consensus. Neither of you will ever be happy or fulfilled. Both of you will feel like shit for the entire duration of your relationship. You will probably never believe him even if he does start to be attracted to you. and if you really think you're so awful and he's so great, why are you dragging him down? Why are you making him stay with someone so awful?
> If anything I wanted to be told to get over it and to try to accept that he wants to be with me anyway.
So what you really wanted were lies and placation, not advice. Don't ask for advice when what you really want is reassurance, because you'll probably be told something you didn't want to hear.
>I just wanted to make it clear that it wasn't just me reading into things that weren't there or "everyone is beautiful uwu" and I got that anyway.
If that's what you took away from those posts you can add "Stupid" Under "Ugly" On your list of bad attributes.
You're clearly not interested in actually improving your situation, and determined to be a victim.
Of course I'd be upset by getting told he doesn't find my face attractive. Even when I was super obese and I knew it getting told I was was still enough to make me feel bad. He's said that even if he doesn't think I'm super attractive face wise that he still loves me and would still want to see pictures in the future. How is that not the same as what you just said about loving someone despite that.
I was the one who brought it up and asked him to explain. I told him repeatedly to tell me his honest feelings and he did. If telling the truth when asked is abusive than abuse is a joke now.
You can doubt it all you want but legitimately ugly people exist. I'm not saying I should be beaten regularly and be forced to wear a burqa but you have to be realistic about things.
>but the thing is that by virtue of you apparently being someone he cares deeply about and possibly loves, you should be very attractive to him.
And that's what I've been telling you he's said, but according to you that's abusive and manipulative when he says it. Look this would be really helpful if this actually was an abusive relationship, but it's really not and I've never said other wise.>>105337>And you got it. The advice is leave,by unanimous consensus. Neither of you will ever be happy or fulfilled. Both of you will feel like shit for the entire duration of your relationship. You will probably never believe him even if he does start to be attracted to you. and if you really think you're so awful and he's so great, why are you dragging him down? Why are you making him stay with someone so awful?
Because when I told him about it he said he didn't want me to leave and he's stayed and been perfectly happy for 9 months anyway.
>So what you really wanted were lies and placation, not advice. Don't ask for advice when what you really want is reassurance, because you'll probably be told something you didn't want to hear.
So anyone who doesn't say I should expect my bf to always tell me I'm the hottest woman in the universe even when I ask him to be honest is just reassuring me and lying to me? That sounds completely backwards.
>You're clearly not interested in actually improving your situation, and determined to be a victim.
I made a post in the vent thread, I was expecting one reply where I got told to get over it because looks aren't everything. I'll probably deal with it just fine eventually if he acts the same exact way as before. If everything was fine before and it's only after he said it now when I asked that I feel bad. Then if nothing changes and he really does still love me and he wasn't just pretending for some stupid reason then everything is fine.
>If that's what you took away from those posts you can add "Stupid" Under "Ugly" On your list of bad attributes.
So why am I getting a bunch of "I'm sure you're not actually ugly"? I never even really asked to be "saved." I came to vent because I forgot lolcow is officially tumblr/pull now and everything is abuse and everyone not being told they're beautiful even when they're ugly is the absolute worst thing ever. For fucks sake it was a rant I expected everyone to tldr and ignore. I wanted a place to vent hence the vent thread and not the tell me I'm being abused and that I'm actually a model thread. If I wanted that I'd go post on tumblr about how it was ableist or whatever.
It's almost 11 here, I wanted to get something off my chest so I could go to sleep instead of wallowing in self pity. Feel free to believe I'm a poor little lamb being abused if you want.
Not her but that might not be entirely fair. If he called her ugly once when they were arguing it's honestly forgiveable depending on how often it comes up. I've said dumb shit to people who didn't deserve it myself.
What gets me is deleting all the photos and vids. If someone went to the trouble to take them and give them to me I'd keep them just because I'd rather not hurt their feelings.
Don't call her stupid, it's the last thing people need to hear when they already feel that awful about themselves.>>105329
>I just wanted to make it clear that it wasn't just me reading into things that weren't there
So point out where somebody other than you mentioned you either being or not being a "tiny kawaii asian desu"
>"everyone is beautiful uwu"
Can't really fault you there because sometimes shit like that just comes out of my mouth when people are up to their tits in self-loathing
Anon, you're ignoring what I said. If you love someone, you see them as attractive no matter what they actually look like, assuming you don't actually look like a gremlin.
You're giving this conflicting story of "He told me it out of nowhere and I felt it was mean and cruel", and then going "Oh it was actually my fault he said it at all", and taking all the blame away from him.
>And that's what I've been telling you he's said, but according to you that's abusive and manipulative when he says it. Look this would be really helpful if this actually was an abusive relationship, but it's really not and I've never said other wise.
No, you told us he told you he was ugly, and then jumped into highly loving and caring behaviour for a while. Going from being cruel and putting the person down straight to being extremely caring and making them feel like you actually do care is textbook abuse.
Look at how you're viewing this relationship. You're going "I'm so ugly and hopeless and generally completely undesirable, but he's so great and is an amazing person for even putting up with me", while ignoring that he's the fucking reason you feel undesirable in the relationship in the first place. It's not normal at all to delete all photos of your partner and tell them about it.
Does this sound like a happy relationship where everyone's emotionally fulfilled to you?
>I came to vent because I forgot lolcow is officially tumblr/pull now and everything is abuse
You came to a thread where it specifically says that people will try to help, and are now complaining when it's been decided by literally everyone who replied, independently mind you, that this is not a healthy relationship and that he's being manipulative towards you. Don't come here if you're just going to throw a tantrum when people tell you things you don't want to hear.>>105340>Not her but that might not be entirely fair. If he called her ugly once when they were arguing it's honestly forgiveable depending on how often it comes up. I've said dumb shit to people who didn't deserve it myself.
I did mention this, it wouldn't be a big deal if they were both arguing, emotions were running high and insults were already being thrown and he called her ugly or something, especially if he took it back afterwards. But she says that's not what happened, and he hasn't said that he was just angry or anything, and has continued to repeat the point.
>>105340>Not her but that might not be entirely fair. If he called her ugly once when they were arguing it's honestly forgiveable depending on how often it comes up. I've said dumb shit to people who didn't deserve it myself.
This. When we were unemployed I argued with my bf (now husband) a lot. He'd call me fat (I'm anything but), I'd call him a fish-lipped cocksucking twink (he's very much straight and I love his lips). People say very silly things when they're upset and we laugh about it later on. Unless it's something extreme like 'kill yourself, you should never have been born', I don't think people should be worrying about it. Hell, I love my brothers and I called each and every one of them smelly bags of shite at least once when they pissed me off.
I hate it how tumblr and the internet makes it out like you should always be up your partner's arse and tell them how beautiful and special they are. That's not even how friendships work, but normal adults know this and take it in stride. You can usually tell when someone's trying to purposefully offend you vs when they're just saying something because you pissed them off.
It didn't happen on lolcow, but there was a discussion about fit in a fashion community I was in and there was this one girl who wouldn't believe anyone who was 4'11 and flat chested could be anything but asian. I don't think anyone on here would be that crazy but since I've seen tons of asian = cute posts here I figured I'd make that clear.>>105343>"He told me it out of nowhere and I felt it was mean and cruel"
Show me where I said that. I didn't say it was cruel, I said it hurt. Mostly because it was true. And like the comparison I did before.
>and then jumped into highly loving and caring behaviour for a while.
That's how he is always is. Especially when I'm physically sick or I'm having problems completely unrelated to him. Hence me saying he really is a nice guy. He's been like that daily for months. I mentioned before I almost definitely have some legit mental issues before and he still puts up with it. And no he definitely hasn't said or implied I do. He's said the opposite actually.
>Look at how you're viewing this relationship. You're going "I'm so ugly and hopeless and generally completely undesirable, but he's so great and is an amazing person for even putting up with me", while ignoring that he's the fucking reason you feel undesirable in the relationship in the first place. It's not normal at all to delete all photos of your partner and tell them about it.
He didn't tell me about before I asked. It came up because there was one time I looked almost cute but he wouldn't show me. So I asked so I'd know what it looked like and he admitted he didn't have any of them anymore.
>You came to a thread where it specifically says that people will try to help, and are now complaining when it's been decided by literally everyone who replied, independently mind you, that this is not a healthy relationship and that he's being manipulative towards you. Don't come here if you're just going to throw a tantrum when people tell you things you don't want to hear.
For simple problems sure, but I'm not going to leave my bf I'm perfectly happy with when I've never had problems for 9 months solely because a few anons say he must be evil and abusive. I've posted in this thread before and so have plenty of other anons just to vent. Why do you even care if I'm that much of a stupid cunt then? Shouldn't I deserve to be "abused"?
If it was just advice I wouldn't care, but it's "there's no way you aren't being abused and your bf actually hates you and is evil." If you'd instantly believe and agree with random anons when they've never even met your bf you don't seem like that good of a gf. Same if you mentioned your mom called you fat when you asked and everyone said she must be abusive.
If it turns out you're right and he keeps bringing it up I'll come back and tell everyone they're all right. If he was shit or if it seemed like he was trying to hurt me I'd just block him on everything and that'd be it. I've done the same in the past and I've done it with relatives too. I can stand up for myself.
>>105347>Show me where I said that. I didn't say it was cruel, I said it hurt. Mostly because it was true. And like the comparison I did before.
You said he called you ugly and that he repeatedly deleted all your photos. The assumption is that if it was in an argument, you'd have mentioned that.
>That's how he is always is.
Except for when he's calling you ugly and making you feel like absolute shit, right?
>He didn't tell me about before I asked. It came up because there was one time I looked almost cute but he wouldn't show me. So I asked so I'd know what it looked like and he admitted he didn't have any of them anymore.
The point is that it's not normal to delete photos of your partner because you find them ugly. That's not normal in the slightest.
>For simple problems sure, but I'm not going to leave my bf I'm perfectly happy with when I've never had problems for 9 month
Come off it, you came here to rant about how you have no hope it's going to work out and how you're having problems, don't try to pretend you're in a happy relationship now and it's all be sunshine and happiness since then.
>Why do you even care if I'm that much of a stupid cunt then? Shouldn't I deserve to be "abused"?
I never said any of this anon, and I think it's telling that you jumped straight to these conclusions.
>If it was just advice I wouldn't care, but it's "there's no way you aren't being abused and your bf actually hates you and is evil." If you'd instantly believe and agree with random anons when they've never even met your bf you don't seem like that good of a gf. Same if you mentioned your mom called you fat when you asked and everyone said she must be abusive.
If your mum called you fat and refused to keep any photos of you because she found you so physically repulsive, yeah, people would be damn right to say she's a shitty parent and that it isn't going to be healthy for you to live with them.
>If it turns out you're right and he keeps bringing it up I'll come back and tell everyone they're all right. If he was shit or if it seemed like he was trying to hurt me I'd just block him on everything and that'd be it. I've done the same in the past and I've done it with relatives too. I can stand up for myself.
I hope this is the case, but you're in a vent thread talking about how your relationship is so shit at the moment. Then when people said it could be shit because of a certain thing, you flipped out and backflipped and said it's been great for almost a year and you're going to be fine and work out and he didn't do anything wrong because its all your fault and true.
This isn't how people generally act around relationships, you're jumping around stories and so interested in defending him that your story ends up making no sense.
You do whatever you want though, ultimately it's your decision. If you enjoy being in an unhappy relationship where he clearly doesn't have any respect for you, more power to you. But don't come into a thread where people vent and others give advice, then act like we're shit people for doing just that and giving advice based on what you say and what we think. Keep a diary if you just want to vent.
>>105339>If telling the truth when asked is abusive than abuse is a joke now.
You're missing the point. What would anyone in a relationship
possibly get out of telling someone that ever? The above anon said s/he was in relationships with people they were only attracted to personality wise, do you think they told their partners that? Of course not, because all that does is hurt someone's feelings and no one deserves that. There's plenty of actually ugly people out there that find love just fine, and they're being treated better than you. Let that sink in.
Why are you wasting your time defending this easily replaceable person, and why would you be attracted to his personality in any way? You feel shitty because your unconscious knows better than you, and there's no running from that. You will literally never
feel good enough for this person, and that's exactly what they want.
Suggest to this person that you want to take a break to think about if you want to be with someone that doesn't find you attractive. Remain very calm and take note of his response and how controlling he may or may not get. If you really think he's a good person, go find that out.
Also you probably took a long moment to write out all those excuses for him. Do you not understand how there are billions of people on the planet? Fucking fall in love and be passionate, stop wasting your time and accepting bullshit or you will never be happy.
Lolita fashion, it's also full of tons and tons of sjws. Probably way more than the ones you've been into. It's also full of weebs, which is why that happened. Honestly I found most of the community obnoxious and my comm has some of the worst sjws despite being a stereotypically conservative state, but I love the fashion way too much to care. Honest discussion about the fashion itself is pretty rare outside of cgl and even then there's a ton of drama and "racism/slut shaming/fat hating" debates.>>105350>You said he called you ugly and that he repeatedly deleted all your photos. The assumption is that if it was in an argument, you'd have mentioned that.
I was ranting and not really formatting it for other people to read. I admit that definitely was partly my fault because I wasn't thinking of what other people would think when posting in a public place. I genuinely didn't think anyone would care anymore than they do for any other post.
>Come off it, you came here to rant about how you have no hope it's going to work out and how you're having problems, don't try to pretend you're in a happy relationship now and it's all be sunshine and happiness since then.
It has been, but if something big happens like that you get nervous and confused and wonder if things will change or if everything was fake. Even if it's something as harmless as being told their spaghetti is great when your family just thinks it's mediocre can cause some people to feel bad. Have you seriously never ranted about something that you normally love ever? Not even complained about a family member you loved?
>I never said any of this anon, and I think it's telling that you jumped straight to these conclusions.>If that's what you took away from those posts you can add "Stupid" Under "Ugly" On your list of bad attributes>You're clearly not interested in actually improving your situation, and determined to be a victim.
>If your mum called you fat and refused to keep any photos of you because she found you so physically repulsive, yeah, people would be damn right to say she's a shitty parent and that it isn't going to be healthy for you to live with them.
But if she only said it when you asked and you're literally twice the recommended weight than you'd be an idiot to cut her off for that. The pictures thing doesn't really compare unless you're sending them several times a month when she asks so she can see your progress and cheer you on. And it's not like I think he'd take down any of pictures of me irl, he just didn't save the photos for a long period of time. I've personally saved literally everything he sent and even wrote down a lot of the things he's said so part of it is probably just me having a different viewpoint.>>105353>Then when people said it could be shit because of a certain thing, you flipped out and backflipped and said it's been great for almost a year and you're going to be fine and work out and he didn't do anything wrong because its all your fault and true.
I literally asked for it repeatedly. Have you never heard of the phrase curiosity killed the cat? How it can not be at least partially my fault? It's also objectively true. It's not like he's calling me fat at 70 pounds. You can't get mad at someone for calling you fat when you're 250 pounds and asking for honest opinions and the same applies here.
>You will literally never feel good enough for this person, and that's exactly what they want.
If that's true why give me all those compliments months before this happened then? He always tells me the exact opposite and tries to raise me up. He even argues with me for hours if I start felling bad about being completely titless.
>Also you probably took a long moment to write out all those excuses for him.
I'm just a really slow typer and it's 11:30 when I normally go to sleep at 6:00 and wake up really early.
I told you if he really does start acting shady I'll come back and beg for forgiveness, but this is literally the only thing he's ever done in 9 months. I'm not going to dump my boyfriend that I love over one comment that I told him to be completely honest about and anons told me I'm being abused. Now I'm really going to bed like I should've done right after I posted this, but once again curiosity kills the cat. Feel free to reply if you really want but I won't be back to read it till morning.
This place really is worse than r/relationships sometimes. I guess I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially because it's statistically impossible for every girl on the internet who complains about her abusive parents/bf/pet hamster to be telling the truth.
Whatever your situation, anon, just know that you're probably not as ugly as you think. Remember that even Honey Boo Boo's mum could find a bf.
>>105356>I was ranting and not really formatting it for other people to read. I admit that definitely was partly my fault because I wasn't thinking of what other people would think when posting in a public place. I genuinely didn't think anyone would care anymore than they do for any other post.
That's possibly the case, but if it was in an argument or something, you should have clarified.
>It has been, but if something big happens like that you get nervous and confused and wonder if things will change or if everything was fake.
Anon, you said this was nine months ago, right? I dont' really understand why you'd still even remember let alone be upset about it if your relationship was happy still.
>If that's what you took away from those posts you can add "Stupid" Under "Ugly" On your list of bad attributes>You're clearly not interested in actually improving your situation, and determined to be a victim.
Aren't me. Though being determined to be a victim doesn't mean you deserve it.
>But if she only said it when you asked and you're literally twice the recommended weight than you'd be an idiot to cut her off for that. The pictures thing doesn't really compare unless you're sending them several times a month when she asks so she can see your progress and cheer you on. And it's not like I think he'd take down any of pictures of me irl, he just didn't save the photos for a long period of time. I've personally saved literally everything he sent and even wrote down a lot of the things he's said so part of it is probably just me having a different viewpoint.
You're really set on justifying why what he's doing is okay. It's not normal to delete all photos of your partner, and you have to wonder why he's with you if he finds you so repulsive he can't even bear to keep photos of you.
>It's also objectively true. It's not like he's calling me fat at 70 pounds. You can't get mad at someone for calling you fat when you're 250 pounds and asking for honest opinions and the same applies here
For one, you've not actually given any reason why you'd be so disgusting apart from that apparently you've got a slightly masculine face. Which lots of women do. And you're acting like you're some super fat person when he's encouraging weightloss when you weigh around 100lbs. You're not obese at that weight.
And I've dealt with partners who bug you about their looks, and honestly, how you feel about them impacts how you see them. If I'm in love with someone, they seem like incredibly attractive people, even though in hindsight they aren't. It gets to the point where it's annoying when people bug me about it, because the answer's not going to change. Why would he be with you if he found you so repulsive?>>105357
Nowhere near most posts get met with a "they're abusive" thing, most are generally considered to be something normal that just has to be worked through, and both are at fault. Often it's the posters fault. In this case however, either she's presenting it in a completely inaccurate way, or he's being really fucking strange, and her behaviour afterwards suggests it's the second. It's not normal to act the way she did in defence of a relationship, she changed her story and pretty clearly lied about the state it's in to make it sound better. It reads much more like her trying to convince herself than anyone else.
>>105358>Anon, you said this was nine months ago, right? I dont' really understand why you'd still even remember let alone be upset about it if your relationship was happy still.
Anon we've been together 9 months before this, it happened the day we were arguing. Why on earth would I start complaining about it 9 months later?
Other than that this went nowhere. I promise you I'm not an abusive relationship.>>105447
It can definitely be a good thing, but it's killed lots of real cats too.
>>105452>Anon we've been together 9 months before this, it happened the day we were arguing. Why on earth would I start complaining about it 9 months later?
I have no idea, but you're the one who's just come out with a story that's changed from "I don't know if our relationship is going to last any longer" to "My relationship is perfect and my bf is a saint who has done no wrong by me, you're all just stupid".
Do you really not see why people might think that there's some manipulation go on?
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I have the most unfortunate body shape on the planet, holy shit.
I'm petite with a small bust, small shoulders, narrow hips and ankles except for my massive gut, ass and thighs. I have colitis so I've always had a bulging belly, even as a kid. I can stick it out so it looks like I'm in my second trimester, that's how bad it is. If I find trousers that fit, I'm gonna have a horrible muffin top. If I wear high-waisted anything, it's gonna make my thighs look massive by compressing my waist. If I wear jeggings, it does literally nothing for my thighs. If I find a shirt that fits on top, it always clings to my stomach and makes me look like a fat human sausage. I don't know what to do anymore.
If you posted your body in tight clothing that showed your shape people could easily give you fashion advice; I don't know if there's a thread for that but tbh so many fashion forums do stuff life that so don't worry about clothing.
Have you ever seen a nutritionist? They can take your blood and show vitamin deficiencies that effect your appearance (and mood obviously) and can help with additional digestive issues. Is taking time to go to the gym something you would consider as well? Your body type sounds cute btw.
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I used a shopping service on an item to avoid paying customs, but the shipping ended up being probably double the customs fees if not more. I know I only have myself to blame for not double-checking everything, but I've been working so hard to stay afloat money-wise that I thought I could splurge on this small item. But now I've wasted so much money! I'm so upset, if I had really known the cost I wouldn't have just spent so much money on shipping alone, I would have bought something affordable and tangible for the money, like food!
I don't understand how shipping cost this much.
What did you buy?
Did you get it sent via EMS? (I'm just going to assume that you bought something from Japan)
I am sure you learned your lesson and will be more careful in the future. We've all spent money on things we regretted later. You will be fine. :)
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Ended my relationship with my bf today.
I was crying and sent him a lengthy and (ok i admit )a bit cheesy message.
He responded with ''lmao you sound like a neckbeard, ciao''
and then sent me messages like ''lol my phone smells weird''
i was just like ???wtf????
and he was like ''oh soz lol i have low attention span ''
we dated for 3 years
i feel a bit humiliated and i feel bitter that we didnt end it seriously but instead, he made a joke about me and couldnt focus on us just for 5 minutes.
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i got so mad i smashed my phone
i hate everything
People like that are fucking annoying anon, I was in a band with someone who just couldn't ever focus on anything for more than 5 minutes as well, and had to kick him because it's just not possible to have any sort of serious discussion (let alone writing) with them, which is what you're seeing now.
Though it's possible he's just playing it off like "Oh, I don't care anyway" when he legit does because you're the one who ended things.
Selfies are an easier subject to 'like' on facebook because all it's doing is reaffirming someone else's confidence and looks. Typically doesn't have much to do with the person liking the photo, and it makes them feel good about giving the 'like' to begin with.
Giving likes to vacation photos, talents, etc. well…it probably makes people, even for just a moment, feel a little inadequate. As if they should be taking the vacations or honing a talent. For that moment 'liking' pictures like that is a bit more difficult. Wasn't there a study about facebook feeds that showed people who spent more time on facebook were more likely to be depressed because essentially they saw the majority of good happening to everyone else?
It's just a theory but I stand by that. I get way more likes on pictures of myself than I do of things I've done and shit I'm working on.
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>everyone in my country has light eyes
>born with ugly dark brown eyes and black hair
>constantly get to hear people fawning over kids with light eyes and black hair (common where I live) as a kid, whilst I got nothing
>my eye colour is uncommon yet still somehow boring
>on top of that fair skin + dark body hair = hairy back, especially around my lower neck and shoulders where everyone can see it
>if I wear anything dark I automatically look like a goth
There's no makeup to 'make my eyes pop', there's no dye job that will show on my hair, it always looks dull and monotonous. On top of that everyone in my hometown associates black hair with travellers for some reason so I've got that going for me too.
There is such thing laser surgery to change the color from brown to blue, if it's important to you anon.
Idk, I don't think blue eyes flatter everybody.
You sound exactly like me. I find that my appearance goes well with my overall demeanor and personality though, and I tend to come off as some weird goth without even trying. I've grown to accept this part of myself and've even embraced it a little.
People like us would look hideous blonde, tbh. It isn't for everybody.
Wanting attention is perfectly normal, anon. It's what you do to get it that matters. Ofc I'm going to shit on some bimbo who sucks dicks on camera for money, blogs about it and calls it progressive feminism. If someone's an overachiever and shills their art a lot (not saying you do, just saying some artists do) I'm not going to mind because I know their monthly income depends on it. I don't even mind Kimonotime or shitty tumblr artists doing it, because they're creating something not totally shitty and visibly putting in effort.
Being ignored doesn't feel good and we shouldn't just settle for being 'the invisible girl'. It's also not fair to have less of a say in certain matters than other people. People throw around the term LOL ATTENTION WHORE a lot but there's a lot of middle ground between people like Sheena (for example) and normal people.
That said, I'm in the same boat. I think a part of it has to do with your confidence, or lack thereof. Maybe your parents ignored you and you just kind of grew to accept it (in my case, mine were too preoccupied with their bitter divorce). Idk what else to say except I feel you 100%, I'd love to know what to do as well. I used to be more assertive in primary school but other kids just shut me out and said i was annoying whilst the girl next door would even get fucking claps for telling the exact same joke.
Thank you for understanding.
I hope things are better somewhere for both of us and for anyone else dealing with this.
Art I post on tumblr goes unnoticed because it's not tumblr enough. Maybe I should draw trans Link with leg stubble and a big red nose.
I'm not even a good artist. But I see scribbles way worse then mine with tons of notes. People with all of the talent of a handicapped second grader getting commissions. It's really disheartening. I'm not looking to get paid for half-assed pokemon and Zelda fanart. But it would be nice to get noticed by people who aren't already my friends.
Same with fanfiction. That climate has changed. I imagine I'd get thousands of notes telling me how horrible I am for not headcanoning so and so trans or pairing a character with another character they don't like or is "abusive" in some way.
I don't do selfies. But I think people just want to bolster each others confidence. That's why you see fat girls with bad wardrobe decisions getting fawned over. Maybe the commenters see themselves in that because they look similar and it's like giving themselves a thumbs up too.
I agree, it is, but what >>105882
Sorry anon, I actually don't. I'm still learning how to function normally since I'm a suicidal fuck that threw away everything, hoping that this will work out.
The funny part is: he doesn't
understand what he did wrong. To him it's - it's not in person, so it's not cheating! He doesn't understand that it's the same as hiring a hooker. I'll try to explain it to him, but I doubt he'll get it. Or he's playing dumb.
Yes. It matters. Because if you didn't want people to notice it, you could just not post it. It's not wrong to want validation. Especially when like >>105854
other people that are really popular can post shit art and everyone jumps all over it.
Anyway that whole "you shouldn't need anyone" attitude probably looks like bullshit if you've pretty much been invisible your whole life like >>105771
. Sry but what you just said is totally unhelpful and probably makes anon feel even more terrible for wanting to stand out just once.>>105765
I went through something like this. Except she was semi instagram famous so it was a lot easier to find shit. She's obviously prettier than me and had better style, big boobs, etc. It made me question if he even liked me and if everything he said was a lie and that was really his type. This shit just makes you so obsessive and I know how crazy it sounds to people irl.
I'm pretty over it at some point it gets boring to obsess about people who don't give a fuck about you and also going outside/exercising helps. I'm sorry you gotta go through that it really is pointless but you just feel like you need to know anyway. I promise you anon it will get boring and time makes everything better. Go for a jog- you will feel way more accomplished than Internet sleuthing. I wish someone told me that
thanks anon, it really helps to know that it's not just something in my head, if that makes sense??
I've been looking into starting a martial art, I just wish I had energy after work. I walk about an hour every day so I'm not entirely lazy but when I come home from work at 5 I'm just so crushed I can't even comprehend walking around the neighbourhood, nevermind martial arts. But yeah, it's something I'm working towards. I play Pokemon Go casually just to have something fun to do so maybe take baby steps and try to build up energy.
I'm going through this at the moment. I know I should block them both for my own benefit and sanity but I get so curious and in a way I'm just looking for ways to make myself upset.
But hey, the latest batch of stalking I did made me figure out he was definitely cheating on me.
It's really not like hiring a prostitute. He's not going to give you crabs or get picked up by the cops. If anything it's like buying a playboy or something.
It might hurt your feelings a bit but he probably doesn't really think of it that way.
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Been stuck at my house with my family for at least a week and a half now, all the way until the end of August. I've had no motivation to do things because of my depression, my dad bailed out on us for his other girlfriend, my mom is a wreck because of this, and my older brother is pissed. I've been looking after my little brother for a bit now, but hopefully I can start helping out my aunt at her house so I can get out of here. Living the neet life during the summer was a mistake
Oh, totally. You know you're gonna hate what you find, and 90% of the time you will, and you feel like shit afterwards but it keeps you going anyway.
I'm sorry you found out about him cheating on you that way. It feels extra slimy when it happens from an indirect manner, even if you'd have every right to clock him if he told you outright.
He probably sees it as just another type of porn, she obviously sees it as something much more personal. It's a gray area and assuming he falls on the same side of the fence as she does can be a fatal mistake.
The best way to go about it would be to pinpoint exactly what she finds offensive about it, particularly how she thinks it's different from regular porn, and confront him directly with a list of those issues.
They don't have "incompatible views", they have different perspectives. He drew the porn-qualifying line a little further away than she's comfortable with. He didn't rob a liquor store or sleep with somebody else behind her back, this dilemma's open to a lot of interpretation on either side. Stuff like that's completely normal. They can move past it by having a constructive and to-the-point conversation about the issue at hand.
If she sees it as a problem then she should make it clear why exactly she thinks it's offensive and how important the positive resolution of the issue's is to their relationship. He'll probably argue his point, she'll probably argue back, that's how a lot of social progress is made.
As in it'd be an instant break up for me, not you or her. Again you're free to go do whatever you want but your definition of infidelity will not change mine.
>Stuff like that's completely normal.
So is having sex with other people. That doesn't mean it has to be a part of anyone's relationship if they don't want it to be.
Again discussing what she should do is pointless because she already said she wouldn't do anything. Telling someone they're being stupid for feeling like they're being cheated on because "everyone does it" and it means nothing to you isn't going to change how she feels because she isn't you. If she was she wouldn't be saying she felt it was worse.
No one is going on a witch hunt for everyone who watches it or is demanding everyone who knows their bf/husband is doing it break up with them. You're completely free to do whatever you want in your relationship, but saying no one should ever feel uncomfortable or break up because of it is like someone telling you if you even look at another person you're cheating.
>>106483>your definition of infidelity will not change mine.
You don't have to worry about my definition, you have to worry about your partners'.
Does your definition allow hand-holding with other people? What about shoulder rubs? Do you have a firm stance on strip clubs?
Everybody knows the baseline rules of what's universally considered cheating, but odds are your partner will have a slightly different idea as to what exactly constitutes crossing certain boundaries. If you want them to respect and understand your specific definition of cheating then you have to tell them what it is.>Telling someone they're being stupid for feeling like they're being cheated on
That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it's stupid to feel you're being cheated on and choose to take absolutely no action on it.
>>106494>If you want them to respect and understand your specific definition of cheating then you have to tell them what it is.
It was literally the first thing we talked about after getting together in extremely clear words. Do you think I'm OP or something? I thought I made it obvious I'm not.
>That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it's stupid to feel you're being cheated on and choose to take absolutely no action on it.
I'm the one who told her she had absolutely zero self respect if she stayed. Tbh you sounded a lot like someone who was trying to say that everyone who had any kind of concept of cheating was extremely controlling, hysterical, a prude, and etc. We've had a lot of sjws around lately. If that's not what you were trying to get at then other than that we're on the same page.
I agree completely. Tell the cops that the neighbors let a vicious dog loose in the neighborhood, and that it has attacked your cats (from an animal rescue of all places!).
Jesus, don't those neighbors think that the dog might attack a fucking kid or something?
So far the dog has gone for two kids and the mail lady. The mail lady maced it and ripped into the neighbors about it and the kids happened to be getting in a car so their mom could take them to school so they could shut the door on the thing. Despite knowing this, the owners won't do a damn thing.
They deny they own the dog but the whole neighborhood knows. Besides, the law says they are legally responsible for the dog since they've taken care of it for a certain amount of days. So they're still stuck with the dog either way.
I'll look into contacting cops. Given that it has tried going after children, they should come get it. I've been going outside every now and then to check on the cats while watching for the dog. No more have disappeared so far but that dog…just eugh. It's gotta go.
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Had an amazing week with the BF, and I dropped him off at the airport so now we are officially long distance until the middle of November until i can move back in with him and it just sucks ass so much. Whats even worse is that i kind of snapped at him last night over something really small and even though i apologized and he didn't seem bothered by it anymore, idk now i'm just overthining everything and miss all of the time i spent with him and wish i could just have him back for the night. sleeping alone tonight is going to be painful ugh. Whats worse is that all these stupid things keep reminding me of him, like the cup he used at breakfast, or the towel he used for his shower this morning
i getcha anon. LDR sucks sometimes, but the person makes it worth it, and I wonder if this is what my BF feels every time I leave. It's frustrating. We've been together almost 3 years, but most of that time in different countries, and I try to visit as much as I can but it costs a bloody fortune. He just finished uni and is trying to find work. I'm trying to find a job there too, but UK immigration sucks when you're not already from Europe, sos having 2 degrees don't mean shit rly. We don't even get to skype much because different time zones and I'm at work all the time. But when we do we're on the thing for like 3 hours, and that helps. Sending each other photos, or even just little messages when we know the other isn't around is nice too. Or tagging each other in funny things on facebook so the other can come home to it/wake up to it. All that helps a bit. Like even if you're not actually together and can't even talk much, it's like he's still there, ya know? I would totally understand if you wanted to use that cup he drank out of this morning every day tbh, and I hope things work out for you. x
You'd think so but unfortunately apartments near my job were too expensive and the only ones I could afford where in the middle of bum fuck nowhere and not available.
The only reasonable places I found either wouldn't rent to me because I had no renting history or wanted $1000 for just the application fees and deposits.
No one on Craig's list would respond to my emails and everyone my age had a comfortable home life and didn't have a reason to move out of their parents house.
>>106724>If it's in the uk then you would have to have shown you could support yourself or have a partner support you
There's a bit more to it than that, anon. Even highly skilled jobs that employers are having difficulty filling home office can just say "nope" to letting someone from elsewhere get a visa to actually get the job done.
(I'm one of the LDR anons btw… but yeah I won't be moving over there unless I get a job because the idea of going somewhere with no way of supporting onesself seems stupid tbh.)
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I don't know what wrong with me. I used to have great self confidence but now I look at myself in the mirror and just see ugly. When other people tell me I'm pretty I just can't believe them.
My confidence was like all I had and now I just feel like shit. I apply to jobs everyday and get rejected from all of them for being inexperienced, but I can't get experience if I have no job.
I hate the course I'm doing, the only friends I have are ones that I don't see at school, I fucking hate my eyelids and I want double eyelid surgery so much, and not to mention I'm poor as shit, and my family isn't doing to well either.
I don't like to talk about it to people because I don't want to be attention seeking, but life really doesn't seem worth it if it's going to be this hard all the time. I'm a lazy shit and my only talents are useless ones, but I have high standards and I'm materialistic.
I just want to die, honestly, if it means I don't have to bother.
You're more ready for university than the safespace people, that's for sure.
TBH tho if some organisation decided to grand you a scholarship for university, you're probably ready to be there. It's not like they just hand money out to everyone.
I personally didn't get in touble but I've heard about other people who have. On the tours they give new students they showed us the safespace place to us and explained what they do some months back. It's like a bunch of tumblrinas founded the thing. I sat there and thought "what the actual fuck? This is real life, why are you guys this sensitive?" I wish I could test the waters and say something offensive but who knows how far they'll escalate it cause they address professors for having different opinions too.>>107074
The whole experience is new to me. I'm used to a giant city and now it's somewhere small compared to where I grew up so i don't know anyone at all(i assume that will change really fast tho).
I know what I want to study and all that I just don't wanna be one of those people who waste scholarship money by dropping out. Someone gave me that money to go to school, not dick around and quit. The people who gave me the scholarship probably know I won't quit but sometimes I feel like that's what will happen.>>107075
Maybe i need time to adjust to everything. I always hear that uni sucks at first but gets better once you're used to it and have a friend or two. Was it tough for at first Anon or did you adjust pretty quick?
>Have a good friend, a familyman in an open relationship, who's got about 9 years left to live (life threatening disease stuff)
>Had a casual thing with him last year, but he disappeared from my life for 3 months due to a busy work schedule
>During these months, a mutual friend (girl he'd previously done stuff with) went nuts due to jealousy issues, could fill out 50 A4 pages with this shit incident
>Managed to partially convince me that he didn't give two fucks about me and only acted friendly so I'd suck his dick
>3 months later, we started talking again, girl had left both of our lives right at the start of his absence, he had no idea what had happened
>He started getting distant after this, never responded when I told him I missed him, never really reacted when I told him I was still kind of messed up from the things that girl told me (never went into details other than telling him I really just wanted to see him again)
>6 months later (2 weeks ago), we were supposed to share a room at a convention
>He had to bail because he'd quit his job and started up a business, so he was busy training his employees
>Upset since I was still dealing with the above confusion and emotional issues after the incident last year, and because I miss spending time with him
>Met mutual friend at con who tells me he didn't quit any job and was just making excuses, so I snapped
>Got in contact with him and flipped out cause I don't like being lied to, I was angry and sad and very worried that he had actually just been playing a cruel joke on me and since then lost interest
Here's where the guilty feels come in
>He did quit his job, he's just closed off and doesn't give his full job details to anyone. I'm one of the few people he'd given his previous job deets to.
>The jealous girl from last year had gotten him banned from a ton of his hobby communities and fucked up a lot of his personal life as a way of taking revenge cause he rejected her
>Was too busy being crushed that he'd lost a lot of aspects of his life to really have the energy to listen to the crap the girl had put me through as well
>He's distant because he probably won't live to see his kid become an adult, and stressed because of work
>He always assumed that all the times I told him I missed him, that I was just talking about his dick, and not him
>Promised to be more considerate to me now that he realised I genuinely care
>Gave me a massive apology and wouldn't accept my "fuck I'm a piece of shit" response
>He is considering proposing to his girlfriend and no longer have an open relationship
>Super happy for him and really hope he'll do so as he deserves to settle down and enjoy what's left with the people he loves, even if it means I'm not a part of it
>It probably means I won't ever see him again
>He doesn't want to go to cons anymore, I suspect it's due to the drama the jealous girl caused has just put him off
>We live far away from each other and don't have room to house each other in case of a visit, so we only hang out together in hotel rooms which will look sketch af once he's married
I probably deserve losing one of the best friends I've ever had, cause my god I am such a horrible idiot.
Here's a nice bonus though
>Saw the jealous girl at the con he and I were supposed to have shared rooms at
>She's gotten fat as fuck since the last time we saw her, was walking around in a skimpy outfit with cellulite spilling out everywhere
>She was alone 50% of the time I saw her that weekend (as she's lost a lot of friends over her bullshit attitude), other 50% of the time she was hanging with her asshole beta boyfriend and creepy beta brolita friend who wants to fuck her, she was looking miserable every time I saw her
Karma's a bitch ain't it.
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>>107146>one girl he had sexual relations with got angry bc apparently he didn't make it clear enough that he was not planning on being monogamous w/ her
She's clearly angry with him. Maybe the reason why she sent you that warning was because that is frankly the way he made her feel. What kind of man makes a woman feel that way if he's an open communicator and has his bases covered?
I don't see how a terminal illness should grant him permissions to be a dick.>he intermittently talks to you while abandoning you months at a time
Not a good friend to you. You are the standby girl.>mutual friend tells you that you were lied to by this guy
It's his word against theirs. You only know what he tells you and it seems to me that the first girl's "lies" wouldn't hold much clout with other members in the hobby community–unless those people had evidence to believe he was in fact deserving of the bans. I mean the girl herself doesn't have allies that powerful, right? Since she's alone 50% of the time.>He's distant because he probably won't live to see his kid become an adult
Doesn't make any sense. Unless he just wants to look like the "family man" and can't have his mistresses around much anymore. Would surely confuse his kid.>I told him I missed him, that I was just talking about his dick
Omg don't believe this lie!>we can only hang out together in hotel rooms
>you tell him you miss him>you say you're a piece of shit though you've done nothing wrong>you say you deserve losing friends>you say you're an idiot>you say you're guilty
Anon you don't deserve assholes for friends. You're a genuine person that deserves friends who can at least be assed to send you a message a few times a week. You care about others even if they're not perfect, but it doesn't mean you deserve to get abuse in return. Get some self-respect. Dude's an ass and not the person you thought he was. He doesn't deserve YOU.
Thank you for the response anon <3 I did have a feeling I'd probably get a "dump his ass" type of reply as the situation is a lot more complex than what I wrote down, but I appreciate it.
He is honestly a good and honest guy who has helped me with a ton of issues I've got, has provided me with legit proof (some that I'd like to forget) of some of his claims - For example when he was gone for 3 months. Going into details will make this post unnecessarily long, but he had his reasons, and it was very much out of his control sadly.
And the girl from last year is 100% confirmed crazy and was openly jealous of the friendship I had with the guy (We're talking lolcow levels of nuts).
We've all got issues, the guy and myself are both self destructive and cope with it each our way, the girl has a big victim complex and will go dangerously low in order to get sympathy.
Again, I could fill 50 A4 pages with everything that's happened over the last year between the three of us (technically 4 since the girl pulled the exact same shit on the next person she hooked up with after they dumped her a month later).
Actually had written out an absolutely massive wall of text that detailed just a little bit of everything, but man, it's just way too much. I feel slightly embarrassed for posting now since I can agree he sounds like an ass when most of the story is summarised into multiple single sentences.
Should also mention that things have been a lot better between the guy and myself since I snapped at him. One of his coping methods is just him being an asshole to avoid getting hurt any further, but since he realised I was actually serious with him and not just flirting, he has gotten a lot more considerate towards me. I'll continue to care about him and root on him from the sidelines and hope that myself and our mutual friends can convince him to be social again once he's settled down.
I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I just don't have the self-worth to be able to let go whenever I get mad at my friends even after we've sorted it out. It feels nice to have other people besides him tell me to not feel awful about it. Thank you.
I agree with >>107162
. He was not a good and honest guy if he's been stringing you along like this. TBH he sounds a bit like a narcissist. Stop calling him a good and honest guy when you've documented already that he's not. Just because he "helped" you through a few issues don't mean shit. Some guys really like helping out so they can look like the saviour because those not in the know will believe the sun shines out his ass, and so that anyone they did fuck over (like you and the "crazy" mutual friend) will have their sides of the story discounted.
Having you snap at him like you were done and reeling you back in is another NPD thing. He'll wear you down like he did the mutual friend and keep spreading shit to make you look crazy when you actually do call him out and bounce if you don't do it now, and that's if he's not already doing it.
Just let him go be a douche somewhere else.
off topic but why do people in the com community seem really crazy?
idk you need to get away from the guy i guess. seriously look at what you've typed. it makes you all look crazy
Have you spoken to your doctor about it? If you're getting sexual desires that bother you day to day and it's been a year since you've been on any medication, it's not likely to be related.
Unless you just mean you're not used to having sexual desire so it's weird or something like that.
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This is so petty, but my jimmies were rustled at work this morning. A woman in my office got her hair colored "silver" last night, except she was complaining about it because it was a more blue-grey than the silver she wanted. So I asked what the stylist did, seeing as how I had silver hair myself for over a year and went through various shades of it because I mostly did it myself outside of an initial salon bleaching, so I could give her tips to get it the color she wanted (pic attached was what I believe she showed me; hers was, however, some weird blue grey/brown ombre? and in some areas it was swampy-looking. Overall, not the best.)
Basically what her stylist did was strip her hair (which was originally a red-brown) and I think simultaneously dyed it the grey and brown together? And she still had red/brown tones left in her hair from the stripping? Like, that should be clue one that it won't turn out how you want. I told her that it probably was not lifted enough and that they should have used a violet shade instead one in the blue range, but after she washed it would potentially fade to what she wanted. She said they used purple and it turned her hair purple, so I rephrased and said a cooling violet toner to which she says that is what they used (after first saying it was a dye) made her turn purple, which I am going to hardcore doubt because I've left that shit on for an hour and yeah there was a tint to it, but it wasn't full-blown purple. I was confused about the overall process but it sounded an awful lot like both her and the stylist didn't have a firm grasp on what they were doing.
She also said that if it was going to be a lot of work and fade out easily she'd dye over it, to which I almost laughed in her face because silver tends to fade like a fucker, even with toning shampoos. I don't think she researched anything regarding upkeep and the like for it. My favorite part was, however, that after she had left the room my supervisor commented on how she was lucky it didn't just turn her hair green with how many red tones were left in it.
The kicker overall, however, was that she got it redyed to full-on brown over her lunch hour because she was so unhappy with it and wouldn't listen to either my advice (which, yeah, sure. Understandable. I'm the youngest person there and she has a tendency to think she knows better) or anyone else in the office to wash it out a few times and see if she liked it then. Maybe even keep it for the weekend. She literally did not have the silver for 24 hours. I'm honestly curious as to how much money she wasted on this.
But, like, there's a strong part of me that wants to fully re-grey my hair again (it's currently ashy blonde with, surprise surprise–subtle grey/silver streaks so it's more ash than blonde… so it wouldn't be too hard) just to show her that I know what I'm talking about.
(My god, that was a ramble. Sorry about that.)
You're in a difficult position. I have no advice for you, but wanted to let you know that I wish you the best. >>107348
I can't believe she couldn't even deal with it for a day before altering it. If anything, I would've expected her to go elsewhere and have them make it more silver rather than going back to brown.
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Anons, how do you "help" your clingy boyfriend / girlfriend / significant other?
My boyfriend has serious attachment problems, just like, anxiety from being alone.
I love him and he's a great person, but I got up at 2 AM to smoke a cigarette last night and he woke up with me! I take a day off, he'll take the same day off!
It's driving me crazy, I just want to be left alone for an hour. I get that at work, but I want to go home and be alone sometimes.
How would I approach this? cause I feel like if I bring it up in any fashion he's going to get upset.
I think those friends are probably a myth, I duno. I've had birthdays where no one was there, or where I would plan a thing on my own and no one would show up. It double sucks when you're the person who will go out of your way to show people you care, like everyone just takes you for granted.
Happy birthday, Anon. Hopefully this year will be the year you find some better friends.
Happy birthday, Anon. <3
I thought that I had a group of friends like you described wanting, but since we've mostly all graduated college over the past year (except for two that are dating, and then two others that are going on to pursue a PhD farther away.) it seems that I'm the one who has to go "hey, wanna hang out/Catch some Pokemon/see a movie/grab dinner and drinks" to the ones of us who are still nearby and it sucks. Like, I didn't ever think I'd be -that- person in a friend group that would try and organize shit so we're still together, but I am.
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oh my god this is me I need time to myself and my partner can never be alone!
I've brought it up so many times but he just gets really upset. You start to feel like you've lost a part of yourself. I actually would prefer to perhaps even live in separate places but he couldn't stand it.
my mum's like 'love is a sacrifice and commitment'
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There was a gay pride parade in my town today, and a really close friend of mine asked me to come because she had noone to go there with. I declined. She did go there with someone else, however, so i didn't feel guilty or anything. But… When my friend got back home and messaged me, it came out she went with a former best friend of mine who was spreading rumors about me lately; she doesn't know about that, though. It didn't help at all that another close friend of mine was hanging out with my former best friend when she got there. I hoped that I could introduce them (close friends) to each other soon, but - nope.
I feel horrible and replaced, even though I don't get easily jealous - but the close friend, the first one, said the three of them had a blast, so this really hurts. I can't discuss it with anyone I know because they would come to the very conclusion that I'm a petty dumbass. I have a reputation of a pretty chill person, and I definitely don't want to ruin that.
Perhaps they would be right to call me out, though.
why you crying?
chill out, masturbate, go in the garden
Why do you think weebs apply for JET? They either want to travel, marry for visa or find fame in nippon
lets just be honest
I feel the same way. Everyone I know just wants to party or work (so they can get money to party abroad)
Maybe I'm just autistic, idk. I like walking in nature, going to cute cafes and taking pictures, doing crafts etc, but everyone else looks at me like I'm in creche because 'ew, crafts are for kids lol'.
Nah I do a lot of crafts and nature stuff too. More likely to buy more houseplants than makeup etc. But at the same time I do like working and having money, sos I can travel abroad and do more nature stuff abroad (mostly travel to visit my boyfriend and family tho tbh).
But yeah partying all the time when off work and looking like an IG hoe is just… i don't get it tbh. Too many people just seem so fucking basic rn, which is fine, w/e, until they shit all over your interests.
I blame the Kardashians. It's their aesthetic that everyone's trying to conform to anyway.
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I feel like all of my luck has run out. I just feel like such shit all the time due to my poor diet, and my poor diet is due to me being broke as fuck. I have no idea what I want to do in the future and whenever I come up with a possible path my friends just shoot me down. Every job rejects me, I have no real qualifications, no one to really vent to without annoying them, and I just feel so useless.
I turned 18 not too long ago, but if my life is going to continue to be like this and I end up like my parents, I would rather die now to avoid it. No one seems to ever believe in me and try to encourage me to do anything, I'm starting to believe I really am borderline retarded at this point
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>>107450>Everyone I know just wants to party or work (so they can get money to party abroad)
oh my god life
yeah that img is basically me all the time. This constant realisation of nothingness mattering?
Eh. I don't know how much of it is healthy perspective and how much is my mental illness trying to cut me off from the world.
I feel the same.
I used to be obsessed with being popular and how I looked especially online, tried to really present an image. Now I'm the total opposite, I never post anything online, I'm terrified of life feeling superficial. I read loads of philosophy at university which i think contributed to feeling like this…all I do is deconstruct things.>>107466>I turned 18 not too long ago
srsly you are so young please enjoy your life or you'll wake up 24 wondering why you've wasted the last 6 years being sad like me
I envy my classmates with long-term friendships, steady jobs, trips to London every month, posting pictures from Switzerland and Croatia (#blessed), etc etc.
I got fired twice this summer (first was a 'training period' scam where they have candidates lined up and have each of them working unpaid for a week and then fire them when they get the next in line, second was a very physical job that I just couldn't do), my nan died 2 weeks ago but I feel stupid complaining about it, everyone got to see their parents this summer except me because I'm poor.
I spent my holiday foraging around a nearby forest and taking pictures of plants at 5AM because I'd fuck all else to do. I wanted to go rockhounding with my bf but he only wants to sit inside and I can't drive so I can't go anywhere by myself (I live in God's Arsehole, population: 5). My only friend is working non stop. The friends I used to have are all busy so I stopped bothering. One girl in particular seems to be avoiding me as much as possible so I stopped contacting her.
I've never been and never will be normal.
As a child we moved around all the time and I was heavily bullied in primary school for being from a certain social class so I never had the pleasure of making friends for life. Even my parents have a more vivid social life than me. I might as well not exist at all.
Is it a cultural thing anon?
I'm somewhat similar with the overprotective dad, but I moved out at 21 and I made my views clear on wanting to leave earlier, so I always threatened it until one day I lived up to it.
Well, good luck either way. The sense of freedom once you do move is amazing.
Yes, it's mostly a cultural thing from my dad's country, which forbids girls from moving away from family or being alone until they're married themselves. Then it's the shame of that rejection, and what my dad's friends will think, which he says will make him want to die. After that it's actual worries about the dangers of me living indepently.
When I expressed wanting to move out my dad said if I rejected his culture I would lose him as a parent, and that scares me. I don't want to upset him after all his efforts as a parent. But at the same time I want that freedom, like you said, and I ultimately don't want to be a part of my dad's culture.
It's nice to hear that it worked out for you, how did your dad react?
Thank you for your kind words
I'm going to the movies tomorrow with a guy from my RP group, and i'm terrified he'll start hitting on me… Fuck, i just wanted to use these free movie tickets and he asked me, so i thought "whatever, it's just a friend i play Dungeons and Dragons shit with". I have 0% romantic or sexual interest in this guy, and he's started to act awkward and "protective" around me, and sometimes flirt very obviously.
I just wanna go see the new Star Trek with my nerd friends without it being weird, like i used to when i was a teenager. I never had a problem with "being the only girl" in a group of friends before. I have no idea how to respectfully reject a guy i'm not interested in, what if he does something super obvious and uncomfortable?
I've seen him hit on one of my friends before (2-3 yrs ago), he was insanely creepy that time, even though she rejected him over and over…
I just don't want him to interpret going to the movies with me as me "being interested", ffs i just wanna hang out like a normal person.