[ Rules ] [ ot / g / m ] [ pt / snow / w ] [ meta ] [ Matrix (formerly Discord) ]

/ot/ - off-topic

(For post deletion)

New Discord replacement, join here

Discuss the future of the farm
Mark your calendars for the last Townhall of the year

Apply as Administrator
Apply as Farmhand

File: 1633291490569.jpg (135.63 KB, 1300x1047, 1130.jpg)

No. 929343

Were you exposed to online pornography or hentai from a young age? How did it affect you?
Vent about it here, talk about experiences, etc.

No. 929346

File: 1633291565179.png (484.02 KB, 526x525, imagen_2021-10-03_150611.png)

I hate porn

No. 929362

I talked about it in vent thread, but I want to say more. Is anyone else repulsed by men irl (and I don't mean comphet or something)? It's like my sexuality isn't even directed at humans but to drawings and scenarios. I hate being touched by everyone even family, I know this is common among ppl who experienced sexual abuse but can it also happen if you weren't sexually abused irl? Trying to wean off online nsfw stuff but it's difficult, especially since there's no support group (and if there is it's just flooded by scrotes looking for easy prey). I'm seriously considering getting on supplements to kill my libido it's all just so stressful.

No. 929363

Can we talk about the many side effects that early porn and hentai exposure gave us? it fucked me up and gave me weird kinks at some point.

No. 929368

I have periods where I'm repulsed by every 3D man, and periods where I want to get touched and kissed, which would at least require someone to exist in the same dimension as me. But I never spend time looking at images of hot actors or models anymore, the only time I waste any time watching male bodies is drawn men, which also create unrealistic expectations since almost no real man will have the perfect mix of muscle and fat premium grade baratits. It makes me feel like a total coomer, like men watching drawings of anime women with idealistic fat distribution on their bodies but also giant cowtits.

No. 929372

The first time I saw porn I was only around 6 or 7, and it was a porn magazine I found laying outside while playing with my friends. We tried to emulate some of the scenes but it made no sense to us. I don't think this experience really fucked me up because it was my first introduction to it through something relatively normieish. I had no concept of what it was.
I exposed myself to hentai when I was around 9 and it all went downhill from there. I was a pretty big coomer up until recently.
I got out of it relatively unscathed, ever since I'm with my boyfriend I don't even feel the need to masturbate as sex is enough for me. I get horny easily and my sex drive is healthy. One way I got messed up in is that I can absolutely masturbate to female bodies, specifically breasts, yet irl I am not physically interested in women at all nor would I date them. The way I perceive women in real life compared to porn is like two completely different worlds. Adding to that, I've got a weird anal fetish which is once again only related to the porn I watch and I never even tried anal in real life nor do I plan to.

No. 929376

File: 1633294020482.png (76.97 KB, 458x613, 1432AB59-C7D5-48B0-A297-3ECC51…)

does this count anons

No. 929380

it's not really porn nor hentai.. i don't even recall that much fanservice (compared to other anime) beyond the transformation scenes

No. 929381

No. 929383

You really hate P&S, huh

No. 929384

Porn gave me weird kinks, I’m glad they weren’t fetishes because that would’ve fucked me up even more.
Until I was like 18 I liked BDSM shit, literally because of the sparkly collars and gear, and thought that I was an uwu subby girl, I would mostly read rape stuff and loli shit that could be considered CP because of the art style.
It was only by the time I was 21 that I sat down and thought
>bruh what the fuck
And stopped reading such filthy shit, it’s horrible when you’re lonely and also involved in online communities that support such things, because you even start thinking that it’s okay, if not normal.
I’ve also talked about this before, but the only way for me to stop spiraling down the porn rabbit hole was talking to a real pedophile.
It was disgusting to say the least, I’m glad that deep down I knew that the whole “oh they’re smarter than you think and they’re actually into it” was bullshit, and that the other pedo motto was bullshit too, the “I-I’m not touching anyone, this is pure love!!!”.
I hate pedos, I can’t wait to be able to use my money to donate to charities against them or to create my own movement or some shit, I want all pedophiles to die, male or female.
It’s shitty how kids are overexposed to porn, to the point that 9 years old me could find it and get into it so easily, even if I had parents that were constantly checking on me, porn has always been everywhere, even on Nintendo magazines.
I honestly keep repeating this whenever this topic comes out, but I honestly think that kids shouldn’t use the internet at all, it’s not necessary for their development, you can literally just print whatever you need and keep it around, maybe use a tablet with the internet disabled, maybe just buy books and teach the kid to read shit that’s over 3 lines long.
Because even if you do your best to keep them away from sick fucks, they will find a way to try to lure the kid into their “forbidden” “cool” and “mysterious” bullshit.
Also, I don’t care if other kids watch porn, at least teach your kid to shame her/his friends, it’s the only way to stop kids from consuming porn.

No. 929386

Thanks for making this thread anon. Here are a few of my experiences (that happened around age 4 to 8).

>Happened to peek out in the living room and saw my dad watching porn. He didn't see me.

>Dad used to take me to a Chinese blockbuster-esque store and let me wander while he would rent tapes (non-porn ones because it was for my mom, but thinking back on it he probably rented some porn too). I would stand in front of some random DVDs and I'd find porn ones and stare at them. They had graphic (though censored) pictures.
>Found a porn DVD of my dad's just on the TV cabinet.

When I was slightly older (around 9-13), I got access to a computer.

>Used to look up porn.

>Joined yahoo chatrooms and would have sexual chats with strangers (can't remember if I told them my age or not).
>Would have online boyfriends on the MMO I played and also cybered with these online boyfriends.

It's definitely fucked me up. I didn't have actual sex with another person until I was about 18 or 19 and it led me down a spiraling hole of depression because I would equate my worth to my body to my worthiness of sex to love. I posted about it before but I was sexually abused as a child by my babysitter's son. He tried anal with me, tried to have me give him a blowjob, and I'd also go to him while he was on his computer while he had porn on and he wouldn't try to hide it. His mother, my babysitter, did nothing to stop any of this. I've always thought it didn't affect me, because I felt that it truly didn't and have always felt that it's just a memory of my childhood like any other memory, but an anon pointed out to me that this is probably part of my trauma response to it. It may have indirectly caused my teenage/adult depression, my fucked up relationship with sex, and my incredibly high libido. My libido didn't even itself out until after my latest depressive hole that came my last break up. I don't know if it's linked, but I also have degenerate kinks like breeding/pregnancy/power imbalances in relationships (all in fiction, have never explored or care to explore these irl with a partner).

No. 929387

I’m not the seething p&s hater from /m/ nonna, I just happened to watch this show when I was really young and I remember it being very sexual and explicit

No. 929389

It's a bit off a tangent and not really the point of your post, so sorry, but it's weird to me that breeding/pregnancy is considered a "degenerate" kinks when it's so closely tied with the whole reason we have sexualities. I get that men make it degenerate by breaking down every aspect analytically and making creampie and whatever porn categories out of it, but I don't think being turned on by "breeding" or pregnancy is degenerate in itself.

No. 929396

was a whole thread necessary for this specific discussion? too easy to assume pedobait
>talk about experiences
no thank you!

No. 929397

When I was really young I found a stack of porn magazines in my parents closet. I’m not sure if it was playboy or penthouse because I can’t remember if I could actually read at the time I found them. But I opened the one on the top of the pile and got scared when I saw that it was photos of naked women.

I never told anyone else about it but as an adult it makes me pretty fucking angry. Not only because they were in an area where a kid could find them, but also because I’m a younger sibling so for whatever reason my dad had porn lying around while being married with kids.

When it came to the internet I got kind of desensitized to weird stuff because I was a teenager around the time jump scare websites and encyclopedia dramatica were big. I think the spamming back then was a lot worse compared to now

No. 929443

It's hard to talk about this without giving fuel to the lurking pedo scrotes

>first porn exposure: boys on the school bus printing out porn and hentai and putting it in girls backpacks and throwing it at us in the school bus, and I'd get in trouble for having it (age 6)

>Newgrounds sex flash games, used to play all sorts of dress up games and the search engine showed these hentai ones too so I didn't know what I was in for
>on the Nintendo forums from ages 9 or 10. Someone kept spamming porn and I didn't understand it because it was the first time I actually saw penetration. Just thought "that looks dumb and uncomfortable" and closed the window.

Honestly I'm still repulsed by seeing others have sex. Hentai is okay if it's doujin and has a cute theme and the guy isn't a fatass monster. I do think I became a pervert from the early exposure, but not in a way that meant I wanted to creep on or touch others, just myself lol. I've still never orgasmed with a man, just alone. Idk if that is an effect of porn but I don't even watch it regularly. I think the effect porn has on men makes it hard for me to get intimate with a guy because they want to fuck and do anal within like a few weeks of meeting meanwhile at that time I'm still trying to not be nervous and semi repulsed by them. By the time I'm getting comfortable with them they ghost me. I also despise the way porn made pubic hair undesirable, because it is very painful whether I shave or wax. I just wish romance and sex were intertwined and I could come "as I am", not performing.

No. 929468

I found porn when I first went online in 2000 but it didn't bother me. I self filtered and wasn't interested in seeking it out, and I didn't until I was much older and about to graduate high school. I guess it helped that I never went into chatrooms and never talked to anyone else online - I didn't want the social obligation. So I never had a stranger push it on me. Now I consume porn of my choice regularly but it isn't a problem and I enjoy the human body without any real baggage (besides wishing I looked like some models.)

No. 929473

I never consumed porn, although I did download some funny nude shit while torrenting, like a man playing a xylophone with his massive dick. But those didn't really scar me.
I hung out in early IRCs and loved to mess with horny guys and be intentionally uncooperative and see them get mad. Me and my friends even added some guys that wanted to webcam, so we covered our cam and laughed at some of the ugly ass dicks we've seen. All in all, I somehow got lucky and avoided getting groomed by internet men, and if anything it just helped to cement the feeling in me that men are pathetic pretty early.

No. 929480

I imagine myself having a penis and fucking girls. I can't live my sexuality normally.

No. 929481

i don’t want to risk giving scrotes too much material but i need to get this out because i feel like my brain is about to explode.

my mom and stepdad showed me porn when i was like 6/7 as a way to “teach me about sex”. around this age my stepdad would also show me liveleak beheadings and faces of death and shit. we would also watch x rated movies a lot, i remember watching the devils rejects when i was like 9.

a year or two later i started getting into anime and browsing 4chan and i remember watching a lot of hentai when i was like 10, i don’t want to get into details but it was some pretty deranged shit. i also started seeking out gore and watching japanese horror (ichi the killer etc).

big shocker my stepdad ended up emotionally and sexually abusing me, my mom had no idea and was completely checked out (she was also being abused). 15 years later i am very mentally ill, feel like i have holes in my brain, i self harm and do drugs to cope. haven’t had sex in two years but i used to sleep around a lot when i was 17-19 with dudes in their 20s and basically let them do what they wanted with me. i think about killing myself often. i just wish i had a normal childhood. i never got to experience innocence and it really fucked me up. i’ve never felt safe and now i feel like a freak. i wish i could have a re-do but instead i’m trapped in this bleak, lonely existence, and no one around me can relate or understand. i keep trying to make a better life for myself but my brain is absolutely fucked

No. 929482

It's just south park but with girls

No. 929483

sorry about the annoying spacing i kind of zoned out while i was typing this

No. 929485

>my mom and stepdad showed me porn when i was like 6/7 as a way to “teach me about sex”. around this age my stepdad would also show me liveleak beheadings and faces of death and shit.
What the hell, are your parents sociopaths?

No. 929487

my stepdad yes 100% is a narc sociopath, he’s been arrested multiple times, has been to prison and has serial killer energy. my mom was being abused and controlled by him so i think mentally she wasn’t all there but it’s still fucked up how she didn’t protect me at all. they split up a while ago thank god.

No. 929489

I used to watch hardcore porn and hentai as a kid and now I'm very repulsed by irl people in general and don't want sex, I can't imagine pleasurable acts being done to me and I can't picture irl people to get off. Usually I use some weird voyeuristic fantasy imagining an OTP of mine fucking or something like that to get off but recently even that hasn't been doing it for me. I don't watch porn anymore, the most NSFW I get is in BL but nowadays I just skip through all the sex scenes because they don't interest me. I'm not sure if early porn exposure ruined my sexuality but now it doesn't seem to exist at all. Which is weird because I went from being a seemingly hypersexual pick me to borderline asexual.

No. 929490

File: 1633302925146.png (629.01 KB, 563x845, imagen_2021-10-03_181534.png)

Someone made me read the Metamorphose manga at a weird and vulnerable period of my life. It gave me these fetishes:
Crackwhore fucking in which I imagine I'm a crackwhore and lose all control and suck dick for money
Fucking on drugs that make you feel good, men giving said drugs on my mouth
Being fucked by multiple guys one after another but not in a gangbang, just in a row, passed around
Pissing in front of people, then getting fucked
Fucking for drug money while I'm and injecting shit
Whorefication, going from an "innocent" or "normal" state into becoming a prostitute
Getting pregntant from a client or someone that sells me drugs (a possition of power/someone who manhandles me)
Aborting said baby to continue whoring myself out
Fucking a cock with STDs (I might know or not know at the time of fucking that it is diseased), never wear protection with anyone ever again
Standing on the street as a streetwalking prostitute, fucking on the street, near trash cans or in a shady looking brothel
And I think that's it

I'm a virgin and I would never do any of that crap. I'm a feminist even. But it makes me horny and I'm ashamed of this shit.
How the fuck do I stop this?????

No. 929499

I was about 6 when my cousin showed me porn. I started masturbating to rape porn around 11. I dated 20 year old men online and got exposed to hardcore porn like NTR in my teenage years. At the time, I was being abused violently by my family, so the attention I got for all the porn made me feel so loved. I even shared nudes underage, which I could never undo…

I'm in my 20s now. I live on my own, and I am clinically diagnosed with a shitload of things. I feel hypersexual but I can't really love anyone romantically. I identify as a lesbian because I am so repulsed by men. But I can't help but wonder if this related to my trauma.

No. 929549

this is all so fucking sad. neither of you deserved that and I hope you can find peace one day and put this terrible shit behind you.

No. 929554

to all of the anons here who are struggling and feel like there is no way out to having a normal sexuality again, there's still hope. Many women have made it, I stopped being a coomer and now my most degenerate fetish is women masturbating in grass, like a big field or garden. I hope we all can heal from our pasts and have a happier healthier sexuality in the future.

No. 929561

This reads like a scrote pretending to be a broken female. Odd focus on pretending to be a prostitute/addict for arousal. Most I can say is seek help and stop looking at media that propagates these ideas in your head.

No. 929565

>diagnosing myself with STDs, various genetic disorders over stupid things like growing thigh hair, not having extremely large perky boobs, etc
>constantly felt pressure to be the "kinkiest" and would pretend to be into weird and extreme kinks just because I felt like regular spanking, choking was boring and vanilla (13-16 yrs old)

I feel like for most women, most trauma comes from dating PAs around you, which is unfortunately most males in the dating groups for young women, it's getting worse since my time which was early 2010s, now everytime I open ifunny or amino or something it's filled with obese little girls raving about how much they love roleplaying child molestation and being beat. Feeder fetishes also got to me since I lived in a community of obese worshippers who thought fat = curvy and sexy with absolutely no regard to ratio, so even though I had a curvy ratio I was called a stick and told I needed to gain weight to be womanly like becky who was 300 lbs with a saggy J cup and got a binge eating disorder

No. 929566

>Getting pregntant from a client or someone that sells me drugs, aborting said baby to continue whoring myself out

These aren’t even fetishes, they’re weird fantasies. You can’t detail an event step-by-step and call it a fetish.

You sound like a minor, stop looking at porn and study for your fucking vocabulary test.

No. 929583

What do you guys think about how early porn exposure seems to effect men and women so differently? It seems boys who were exposed to porn at a young age often end up addicted to pornography and women who were tend to become sex-repulsed.

No. 929585

pretty easy to imagine that it's due to the extremely obvious difference between how empowering and flattering porn is to men and how degrading and insulting it is to women

No. 929587

yeah I got to agree, it literally just sounds like a list of things that happen in that garbage oneshot.

No. 929588

File: 1633313079392.png (192.99 KB, 274x752, 2bf171a1539b1cfe90869dc31d775d…)

>find dad's porg mags as a kid
>actually get off to them
>some of the pages are stuck together
>too innocent to know why

No. 929589

Nta but pretty much that, people view pornsick males as “funny and quirky” at worst.
While the sole fact of a woman looking at a naked person makes her already a whore, either in a “positive” light, in which she’s the quirky free girl who will make a guy’s pornsick dreams come true; or in the negative light in which she’s just broken and gross because “women should be 100% pure flowers” who will uwu blush and tell her gf free bf that she’s amazed by the size of his 3incher.

No. 929591

>women who were tend to become sex-repulsed
Huh, I didn’t mention it in my post but that’s pretty much what happened to me. I’m almost 30 and still a kv.

No. 929594

This is why you can't talk about serious shit on lolcow, never fucking ever.

No. 929596

I think I was about 8 or 9 when I was looking for pokemon guides on the internet only to find porn of the trainers and the actual fucking pokemon, really glad I never developed any furry fetishes because of that shit.

I think around the same age my brother also showed me an anime where all the characters died a gruesome death with a lot of gore, that did lead to my avid watching of gore porn for some time.

No. 929599

>This is why you can't talk about serious shit on lolcow, never fucking ever.
Bitch, you just said you got off on LARPing as a coke addicted, STD-ridden, crackwhore who aborts her illegitimate children. AND YOU WANT US TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, PLEASE!
Boo motherfucking boo!

No. 929605

File: 1633315152989.gif (497.41 KB, 250x263, 1631199522951.gif)

No. 929608

File: 1633315333093.png (936.84 KB, 960x540, 0527e5ac02da85f7e7659250d7917c…)

When I was a kid sometimes men sent me child porn. I found it disgusting but was unable to look away. I'd stare at these images and watch the videos over and over. First off because it was so illegal. But there was something about just looking at the ultimate level of hell? The men in these videos felt like I was looking at some supernatural evil demons who toootally didn't exist in real life. How the kids would react. It was all so eerie and reminds me of the feeling you get from looking at liminal spaces. I felt numb as if I've seen it all now, I've seen how evil mens sexuality is. It's just not connected to love at all.

Sorry for the weird description.

No. 929609


This is the lesbian anon. It's a work in progress but I believe things can get better. I hope maybe after school, I can sort it out. It feels so weird when men are interested in me now. I just wished I lived a normal life.

I can't really share any of this to my friends (even the girls) because they insist porn is a normal part of life. It sucks, so I appreciate this thread even though it's a mess right now.

No. 929719

Tbh agree with anons about this topic being suspiciously pedo-baity, scrotes really do love sexualizing every inch about growing up as a girl. However I think it's still an important topic so trying to keep it as non-explicit as possible.

Background: I'm an oldfag and was around when the internet wasn't nearly as regulated as it is now. I was exposed to porn at a young age (around 9-10) and was obsessed with hentai at like 12 to the point of being a coomer for all of my teens but I do think how much it actually influenced and affected me. Even the kinks that I have seemed to exist as proto-paraphilias in my very early childhood to some extent. What seemed to traumatize and negatively affect me the most was all the men harassing and grooming me for all of my youth, while something like tentacle hentai was a personal way for me to explore my sexuality since there was technically no men involved in it. Later on in life I realized I'm a lesbian, hentai just doesn't seem to be realistic enough to really have a effect that noticeable in my IRL sexuality. Especially because I watched it in solitude without anyone forcing me to or being a creep about it.

However I'm still starchily anti-porn. It's obvious that porn is validating dangerous male fantasies like believing that women secretly want to be hurt and it's even more alarming that so many young girls believe sex should be what the pornsick scrotes dictate it to be. I lucked out and never became one of those poor nymphet e-girls being coerced into sending out nudes to roach daddies at 14 but often I think it's just because because my brain instinctively knew I shouldn't and it's wrong. Be it the lesbianism or whatever but something prevented me from cooperating and I'm so glad. My heart goes out to all the anons who were abused and exploited in their teens.

You described the experience to a T. When I was exposed to CP in my teens after ending up on some shady sites I felt exactly the same. It was a horrifying, eerie feeling that haunts me almost two decades later. I'm so happy I'm not attracted to men, I seriously wouldn't know how to cope if I was.

No. 929733

My mother and father were both victims of sexual assault and were very paranoid I would get abused so they made me watch a lot of movies about rape, kidnapping and murder when I was very young. They thought it was good to "know about the real world". I don't think they were malicious when they did this, but it definitely damaged me. I started watching pornography when I was 12 years old, the same age I found out about 4chan and started frequenting /b/. I found myself frequently looking for rape porn at a young age, to the point where my family's ISP sent a warning message. When I was 13 I made online friends from 4chan who showed me hentai and loli porn. This continued until I was 18 when I decided I didn't want to be a slave to it any longer. I have masturbated everyday since I was 12, and it feels exhausting and humiliating. It is the only way I can really cope with my lifelong anxiety. I am disgusted by porn and sex now, but I can't stop masturbating or having intrusive thoughts. I feel broken.

No. 929768

File: 1633341465101.gif (2.71 MB, 648x425, killl-meee.gif)

Incredibly tame compared to the other responses here. I was fortunate enough to have a stable childhood and be pretty sheltered from porn. The first time I masturbated I literally just touched my clit without knowing what the fuck I was doing kek.
My first mild exposure was DA when I was like 12, lots of borderline pinups and niche fetish stuff when I was just looking for Nickelodeon crossover fanart.
When I was 13 I tried getting into making youtube videos and found audio porn in the official youtube audio library. I found it by accident, that's how easy it was to come by. Literally couples doing anal and dirty talking through it, men moaning, women getting off with vibrators and shit like that. All fairly tame considering the status-quo for porn now but still pretty shocking to find on YT.
I went to an all-girls middle-high school and I remember my classmates telling stories in 8th grade about how their siblings or cousins had shown them actual porn when they were 10-11 years old. At the time we thought it was funny, but now I look back at the patterns of those girls behaviour and realise that they were almost definitely CSA victims. Shit sucks in hindsight, especially knowing at least five of them were self harming by senior year, and one of them was dating a 23-year-old at 16 who made her keep her school uniform on when they fucked. I hope he dies young.

No. 929772

When I was 12-13 I would use Tumblr. I was a kid, so naturally I would follow tags that were related to kid stuff- Disney, certain cartoons, kawaii stuff, etc. (Some of you already know where this is going). Obviously at that age I was aware of sex and porn. What I wasn't aware of is how casual people are about showcasing their depravity.

Adult women dressed as children. They post their genitals to the Disney tags, "daddy did this" and "daddy did that". Their bruised up arses and mauled bodies. At 12 I did not need to be exposed to extreme kink. Did I deserve it for being on the internet? No, I was just a kid in the Disney tags, but they sure did insist that we all deserved it for being online

DeviantArt is a trap for youth. When I was a kid, maybe 9 or so, I was super into Pokémon. I liked looking at Pokémon art. DeviantArt was littered with porn and it really feels like such a downer to me that my first visual experience with sexuality was essentially art of beastiality. I wasn't seeking it out. I would just search for particular pokémon and the porn art would be scattered among the normal art

No. 929783

>porn has always been everywhere, even on Nintendo magazines
WTF. Can you explain wdym?

No. 929815

I wish I had pictures right now, but those magazines are at my other house.
They had these small icons that if you sent a text message to some random number, you would be able to have the icon as your signature for your text messages.
They were basically just random publicity that kept the magazines afloat in my third world country, but sometimes it had scantily clad women and such, I still remember one of some butt cheeks that were burgers and some weird thing hugging them.

No. 929841

As a kid and in my early teens my friends on different occasions showed me cartoons (not hentai, western) that had some "light" depiction of rape scenes in them (as in they weren't detailed and the rape was sort of implied rather than overtly shoved in your face). It made me feel sick to my stomach and I was mentally out of it for literal months but couldn't tell anyone because I didn't want my friends to think I was lame, or my parents to know I had seen anything sexual. It still makes me feel icky just thinking about those videos, and it wasn't even explicit content or real people… just cartoons. I grew up to be mostly sex-repulsed and secretly thought I was asexual and broken for years. I also have a massive phobia of rape. I sometimes wonder if those cartoons started it.

No. 929846

It's disturbing how social media brought adult kink lifestyle in the faces of children. In the 00's I witnessed hardcore Pokemon porn at 12 and weird fetish hentai but it didn't scar me because it was all fictional cartoons, but I couldn't imagine how fucked up I would've been left if I was exposed to today's IRL bruised pedo adult baby larpers browsing kawaii tags. I never saw adults putting their kinks out in the open outside of cartoons despite being one of those edgy teens browsing 4chan and similar sites, and the very rare times I did it was because I ventured out to adult sites I wasn't supposed to go anyway. It wasn't like they were posting on the same social media platform where I got all my cute anime pics.

No. 929847

File: 1633347775548.jpg (46.33 KB, 580x859, Audition.jpg)

I was on habbo hotel when I was 9 and a pedo sent a porn link with some weird bdsm shit. I saw it for maybe half a minute, I was confused why this woman was on a leash, then closed it down in a panic. I was already taught to hate porn before that, not for religious reasons, misandry reasons. I'm fucked up and practically diagnosed with asshole personality disorder, but at least I never liked porn. I was instead ruined by horror movies like Audition, in combination with taught misandry and of course being harassed and having some close calls with scrotes. Boohoo I'm the fucking devil, get over it. I didn't ask for any of this and don't entertain it.
Music videos though, they are practically softcore porn, but I consider that the healthy and innate part of my sexuality. The Lady Marmalade video was overwhelming and I still watch music videos for private time fun (or read lesbian smut).

No. 929878

I'm not going to say that the Pokémon beastiality traumatized me, but its definitely upsetting to me that I was exposed to detailed wank material of what is essentially hentai of people fucking animals. I know for a fact that every single kid who was into pokemon, a franchise that technically is aimed at kids, had their childhood interests invaded by pornsick men

No. 929896

Ah, that's what I thought! They were in my country too. Anyone could download them. I think those were porn games or porn clips with really suggestive titles and barely censored photos. IDK how it was legal to have that shit in regular press. Even more shocking that Nintendo allowed for it to happen (probably they were unaware, but still). We didn't have a Nintendo magazine, but local gaming ones were full of that shit.

No. 929943

my first exposure to porn was from books and playboy mags my parents and my uncle had. but when i got access to the internet, I quickly became addicted to porn, and was then groomed by pedophiles who would send me stuff like loli porn, rape fetish stuff and literal cp when i was 12-13. that shit's seared in my mind so badly, I'm a virgin at 30 because I start panicking at the idea of anyone, man or woman, touching me. I still hope those men die a horribly painful death for what they did to me and undoubtedly other kids.
might be kind of an extreme case though.

No. 930141

I was exposed to like, hentai, when I was about 6-7 years old because a girls flash game website I used as a kid ended up with a bunch of weird inappropriate ads. I didn't like it, but I guess because I saw them so often everytime I played games, I became facinated with them. I'd start trying to recreate the images by drawing in my diary and became facinated with sexual imagery. At some point that stopped, and then when I was like 9, my friend showed me porn again which reignited my weird childish facination with porn. I would just watch so much porn out of curiosity, I didn't even understand the concept of finding it titillating or arousing. I think I figured out masturbating to porn when I was about 10? I would literally hurt myself trying to recreate what I saw people do. I avoid porn at all costs now because it just brings back how I was a kid, it makes me feel gross. Sometimes I feel a huge urge to watch those videos again. Idk how some ads with some anime boobs fucked me up so much. I don't really remember much of it but it took up a significant portion of my adolescence

No. 930182

Don't really know if it fits in this thread but I remember using the old laptop of my parents with my friend when we were about 6 or 7 years old. We were randomly clicking through folders searching for something specific only to stumble up on some heterosexual couple having sex infront of the camera really closely so that we could see everything. My friend and I didn't knew what was happening and were frozen looking at the woman bouncing on this dudes dick and moaning really loud. Because we didn't have any headphones my mom quickly figured out that something was sounding weird and rushed into the room quickly closing and taking the laptop away. My parents never brought it up again and act as If nothing happened. When I figured out what the fuck happened in like 3rd or 4rd grade I was so fucking embarassed since my friend threatend to go around and tell people about it. She actually went through with it and imagine hearing that fucking story from her point of view? This whole story made me feel so fucking disgusting that I used to declare sex as something dirty and repugnant to the point where I as a small child would swear I would never engage in any sexual act and the only thing my 'future husband' would get as a compensation for sex would be a kiss. Sounds really fucking retarded but I really believed that as a child growing up and it kind of fucked me up since I never had a healthy view on it and due to my free internet access it spiraled down into a weird fucking kinky-BDSM DDLG shithole.

No. 930260

I was around 10-12 when I first started watching hentai and looking at weird hentai pics, but it didn't really make me aroused or anything of the sort and I did it very rarely. Watching it was like watching a horror movie or something of the sort for me, I would maybe watch or look at it once a month? Honestly, I can't remember. When I was around 12 I discovered something that actually interested me, and it was shota stuff (only 2d stuff 3d would gross me out). I think it's because back then those characters would just look like my classmates, but needless to say it fucked me up really badly and I try to avoid it as much as I can nowadays. I think watching so much of it all the time when I was around 12-15 lead me to developing very unhealthy preferences and habits. I would do anything to go back in time and stop my younger self from looking it up holy shit. Even now I have preference for shorter and cuter guys (of age of course), and I 100% blame hentai for it, feel like I was conditioned to like it. Sorry if I grossed out anyone by admitting to that, I had to get it out.

No. 930291

this is not really a serious/depressing anecdote but when I was a kid I really liked ben 10 and would look up ben 10 amvs. I was also ESL as fuck and didn't know ben and gwen were cousins so I would look up ben x gwen amvs. One time I found one that was just uncensored hentai pics basically and 6-7 year old me was so repulsed I flagged it and reported it and rated it 1 star and left a comment saying "I HATE THIS!!!!". lol.

Around 8 or 9 I was also on limewire a lot unsupervised and found a ton of cartoon porn and accidentally downloaded a granny's titty selfie and she used the messaging function in limewire to ask me "like what you see?" I freaked out and uninstalled it after that.
Kinda wish I didn't see kim possible sucking her own futa dick until a lot later in life.

No. 930297

yeah, I'm lucky I haven't become a hopeless degenerate porn addict in my 20s. I've stopped watching it a few years ago and I'm repulsed by it now, but I'm sure it's the reason I have vaginismus. I started watching when I was 6 and became addicted by the age of 10. It got so bad, I was browsing for guro when I was 11. I feel like I'm okay now, but who knows.

No. 930310

I wasn't young compared to alot on here but I was a shut in teenager. I had full on agoraphobia and didn't go to school. I felt like I was way behind my peers. My parents got an internet connection in our house at long last thinking it'd give me something to do with my endless free time.

I ended up on porn clip sites that had weird fetish categories and I found I was drawn to fetishes that seem weirdly far removed from sex itself. Like I said I wasn't super young but I feel like in those first few months of browsing a link was made in my brain and my ability to become aroused was now tied to everyday things that don't require nudity. They're bizarre fetishes though, strange enough to fill me with shame. I've told bfs about it before.. and then I just pretended not to know what they were talking about afterwards when they brought it up again. I went into denial even when bfs were totally fine with it and looking to accomodate it.

Maybe 4 years into my porn watching I decided I wanted to meet someone and just lose my virginity, purely to get rid of it and feel like I was catching up with my peers. I didn't like it. It didn't arouse me in the slightest. For years I had sex here and there to try and like it and I just didn't. It felt like nothingness. It took years for me to start enjoying it but honestly I can't get off to thoughts of dicks or sex or anything remotely normal.

No. 930355

ot but i thought i would say that nothing is disgusting about what you or any other anon has posted. its a tough and embarrassing subject for a lot of people including myself

No. 930655

This happened to me. What kind of object fetishism do you have? I have a white bread fetish because when I was 12 I stumbled on a bread fetishism tumblr sphere. I feel ashamed about it and have never told anyone. I just want to be normal.

No. 930660

File: 1633392766091.png (5.67 KB, 253x243, 1597816479079.png)

Back when mlp was starting to get popular and I was the target audience (around 9 years old I think) I stumbled upon nsfw artwork of the characters and ended up falling down a furry-zoo porn rabbit hole. I was too young and stupid to fully comprehend the immorality of the sort of content I was viewing at the time.

No. 930665

When I started watching porn and masturbating it made me feel very dirty inside. I remember trying to stop, but craving a orgasm, so I would draw disturbing pornography on toilet paper instead of watching it and either eat it afterwards or flush it and cry. This hesitance didn't last long and I went right back to looking stuff up.

No. 930674

>fat premium grade baratits

No. 930682

I distinctly remember looking up flag clip art for school, must have been around 11. I clicked one picture on Google images and it took me to a hentai site with porn flashing up. It looked like one of those pop up virus websites. I still can’t believe how easily I stumbled across it, I was so shocked

No. 930705

I remember seeing porn with a group of kids a few times. Either we found a magazine outside or someone wanted to show us a VHS they found at their house and those experiences were pretty harmless. Lots of laughing and wtfs before turning it off. My other experience was my stepdad leaving magazines around in places I could easily find them and I'm pretty sure it was on purpose because it would be like beside my backpack or where I kept batteries for my gameboy. I didn't look at them but I still feel deeply uncomfortable about the whole thing. I didn't really find porn again until I got internet when I was 14 and got hung up on yaoi for a couple years but I don't think any of the material I was exposed to influenced my sexuality in any way.

No. 930725

i was extremely online starting in 2007 when i was 9. i was a latchkey kid with a condition that made me miss months of school every year while recovering and i used online spaces to fill the social void.
anyways- i first started browsing 4chan in 2009 when i was 11 and was exposed to all the horrid shit that came from there and was freaked out but also morbidly curious, so i took understanding the culture there seriously to make it less scary. gore, porn, misogyny, all that shit came flying at me when i was way too young to really deal with it well. by the time i was 13 i was addicted to watching hentai constantly but luckily i figured out it was unhealthy and put a stop to it by the time i was 17. it still affects me in the way that i get sex repulsed easily and completely disgusted by any man i know that watches porn or jerks off to degen shit.

No. 930740

That shit with your stepdad is creepy as fuck, absolutely disgusting. Any normal person would do everything in their power to keep that kind of stuff away from a chid's eyes.

No. 930751

My first exposure was on Cheeto`s website (I`m not even kidding). I remember being very young, maybe 6-7, and there was this online game where you created a character and there were rooms with games and such. One of the rooms had a public scrapbook where the users could post messages, and most of them were erotic content. Thinking about it now it really weirds me out because cheeto's an official thing idk and i've never been able to find anything about it…
Other than that, some time after this I got into some pornographic mobile games (I'm talking pre-2010s) like strip poker where you played to unlock parts of the image of the naked model kek i guess i was pretty gay very early on

No. 930782

I'm on fandom twitter and every week I see some retarded post about how writing and drawing about how you want to fuck a cartoon horse is okay and actually a healthy expression of sexuality and anyone who says otherwise is an awful puritan anti gatekeeper. It makes me want to fucking vomit, especially the 30+ women who get mad that children are upset about coming across porn of their favourite characters.

It's like how some men have come forward about being abused by their wives so society's convinced themselves that domestic abuse is committed half by men and half by women, even though the evidence clearly shows the majority of abusers are men. Some of these retards cry about how they're allowed to draw and jerk off to porn of a kids show because they were abused as kids, so the handmaids have convinced themselves that most posters of weird illegal fanporn are abuse victims trying to cope, when it's so obvious that they're groomers using it to desensitize a whole audience of victims.

No. 930785

Please don't bring this retarded anti discourse here, adults in general are free to enjoy whatever fictional shit they want but the issue is that children shouldn't be exposed to it. At least female NSFW artists and enthusiasts have the common courtesy to block underage users and put warnings all over their profile while scrotes slide into a 13-year old's DMs to force porn on them and have heavily sexualized discussions to groom them into their personal sex dispensers.

No. 930787

I'm not sure which came first, being exposed to sexual content on dress-up websites, or being CSA'd by my father. Probably happened around the same time.
I'm basically "asexual" now, after being hypersexual (it was the only attention I could get) as a young teen/young adult. Zero interest in sex, or any semblance of a sex drive. Which I'm fine with.

No. 930789

>I'm on fandom twitter

No. 930802

>how empowering and flattering porn is to men and how degrading and insulting it is to women
You're making the assumption that every men just wants to choke, slap or "dominate" his woman.
Most just want to look at pretty girls in lingerie and have them doing something vaguely sexual and taboo with a silent and noninvasive protagonist.

Instead you always get forced BDSM, painful sex acts, Cuckshit, terrible tattoos, male actors who can't shut up, crappy camera angles which only focus on genitals, shitty tattoos, weird fake noises, low effort women (plain haircut, bad makeup and no lingerie), bad and unnecessary plastic surgery, broken and cut penisses (painful to look at), zero chemistry between "actors" (they have sex as though they hate each other) and ugly tattoos. If you somehow manage to find a good looking actress in a cozy video and want to look up more you'll just find the inevitable gangbang or piss video, which tends to kill all attraction.

Once you hit your twenties you just feel increasingly ashamed about it all (especially about the tattood girls), and the only people who will still openly shill porn after that age are bisexual swingers, weirdos and inked losers.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 930808

Frankly, jacking it to cartoon animals is weird and degenerate, but yelling at furverts is a waste of time, they will never listen. As long as they keep it all away from children it's better to just leave them alone.
On the other hand, I keep seeing uwu minows in obviously adult-oriented fandoms (as in, the source material itself is clearly not for kids) whining about adult content which is actually properly tagged 99% of the time.

No. 930810

Fuck off scrote

No. 930812

disgusting scrote coomer

No. 930817

I wish social media implemented a way to mass block everyone under 18 if you tag your account as a NSFW one, I honestly do not want to expose underage teenagers to the degenerate shit I like nor do I want them to ever interact with predatory perverts attempting to take advantage of them. It was the worst mistake to centralize all content to the same social media sites where you have people of all ages and walks of life participating.

Nobody cares, scrote

No. 930819

I was first exposed to porn through DA and various pokemon image boorus. Everything on DA wasn't "normal" porn as that was disallowed, but rather wierd fetish stuff, a lot of which involved animals or Pokemon. I really got into vore and Pokemon porn when I was young (seeing sexualized pokemon was less scary than seeing boobs to me), and as I got older I started looking at a lot of wierd and violent hentai (womb penetration, prolapse, bestiality). It got to the point where I got really into straight shota because that seemed like the only kind of "normal" sex to me, since they at least weren't big scary gross old men or animals.
I feel really disgusted with myself because I haven't been able to shake off these habits into adulthood. I wanna be able to confidently say that kind of content disgusts me, but I still feel arousal towards it.

No. 930820

>I wish social media implemented a way to mass block everyone under 18 if you tag your account as a NSFW one
This, also the minimum age for social media should be raised to 16, 13 is way too low. Or just make it 18+ if companies are too lazy to implement automatic mass blocking of minors from NSFW accounts.
>It was the worst mistake to centralize all content to the same social media sites where you have people of all ages and walks of life participating
This, this, this! I miss hobby-oriented forums so much.

No. 930821

Why do scrotes always sperg so much about tattoos?

No. 930825

Because tattoos are for meanie sluts and they want a pure, untouched, virginal tradwaifu they can show off for big boy points.

No. 930838

>wah wah wah the trafficked, traumatized drug addicted women don't pander to my penis correctly
My god do I love male suicide rates

No. 930846

I was a hardcore edgy weeb that fapped to brutal nsfl yaoi.

Nowadays I find homos and fujoshit disgusting, so your preferences can change.

No. 930871

kill yourself

No. 930960

I hope this question is still on topic, as I'm quite curious - did anyone else censor and restrict themselves while going online as a kid? What I mean is that as soon as you felt that you were going to stumble on something sexual or inappropriate, you closed the tab or clicked back as fast as possible. I was on the internet probably more than what was healthy when I was 11-12, and my parents gave me a lot of freedom on it and never really told me to be careful or watch what I was clicking (except my mum firmly told me over and over not to get any viruses lol), but in my head I got the impression fairly quickly that it was wrong of me to see anything sexual. I didn't grow up or religious or with any strict boundaries, I just felt that I wasn't allowed and it wasn't okay for me at that age. So anytime I felt that something inappropriate was going to come up on screen I closed everything. I was into Doctor Who and One Direction at the time and I read a lot of fanfics, and I never went near the smut ones, I don't even think I had any interest in them. It's almost a miracle that I avoided anything bad or illegal because I also downloaded a lot of music on Limewire, and it was pretty infamous for being unreliable and you never knew if you got a song or a hardcore porn video. And at school when Facebook was really starting to blow up they hammered into us hard to never talk to strangers and keep personal information hidden as much as possible - which is ironic seeing how kids are currently on social media.

This thread is depressing af btw, and it's even more depressing knowing that this is so common amongst kids these days. Porn is fucking evil.

No. 930977

In some pokemon forums chat box, that anybody could post in, would get raided by moids who'd spam porn links. I curiously clicked on one knowing it was wrong and it made me feel disgusted for ever wanting a boy. Years later I searched what sex was because I didn't understand how it works. It was some old couple under the bedsheets (couldnt see anything) and I thought it was so romantic and lovely. Then it loaded the next video and it was hardcore porn and it made me lose complete interest in men because she was screaming in pain? I thought why are they hurting her?? Why is this pleasurable for anybody? I never searched porn afterwards, but it greatly affected my loss of interest in love and men all together. I'm pretty sure during this time I became more attracted to girls since I already knew I was bi. I still think true love can only be created with another woman because men are not capable of it just because they have a penis.

No. 930993

I was the same (minus the M rated fanfics as long as it were animu charas). Like you, non-religious household, no strict boundaries and early internet access (got my first own computer on my 10th birthday). I still stumbled upon porn here and there because of course scrotes gotta raid a forum aimed at tweens or when downloading games for my DS, but even then the worst I saw was some woman masturbating all my herself. I really wonder what makes children more and less inclined to look at this stuff. One could argue that because of our lack of boundaries we never were tempted to look at "forbidden" stuff, but I think I saw some other nonas talk about how the lacking boundaries were reason why it was so easily accessible to them, and other people who get hammered in to never look at it actually steer clear of it (even if it's because of fear or shame), so that argument doesn't seem all too convincing and too broad. Agreed on the last line specifically; I was never big on children, but the fear that my child could run into this while searching for something completely innocent (I know I did when I looked for pictures of Princess Peach) and consequently fuck up their mental health, if not their entire life in case of some pedo grooming, really cements my decision to not have any.

No. 931046

Yeah, my parents were strict but I luckily self-censored when I did stumble across porn and understood what the intentions were of the random males who'd try to talk to me. Thank goodness for that, it's sad how many anons ITT got groomed and pornsick at such a young age.
>I really wonder what makes children more and less inclined to look at this stuff.
Same. I think the factor for me was that at the age I started going online (~11-12) I still very much thought of myself and was treated as a kid and didn't feel any pressure to act older, and at the time spending too much time in general was considered something that losers do so I didn't get in too deep. Plus I was more or less exclusively interested in kid stuff like neopets and roleplaying sites so there wasn't much risk of exposure to porn unless I gave the family computer a virus and my parents monitored my internet access until I was into my mid-teens.

No. 931121

I created a blog for people (women) to post their pedophiles. it can be as anonymous as you want or as exposing as you want.
I added disclaimers just because I didn't want to get removed for false accusations but this is ridiculous so many men get away with pedophilia

This would also be helpful for women in relationships if this gets widespread enough so people know who to allow around them

No. 931125

wtf anon this is a terrible idea, what's wrong with you

No. 931129

I personally think having no space for people to vent about and expose pedophile experiences is bad

No. 931133

No. 931176

I'm >>929847, I was also given unrestricted access to the internet, which is how I ended up on habbo hotel in the first place at such a young age. I'm not from a religious household, but I was taught to hit men over staring at nudie mags in the shop and things like that and heard lots of misandrist rants. So I put two and two together when I realized what I was seeing. After the one time I clicked that link, I never clicked random links again, lesson learned. I kinda just stayed on YouTube, kid game sites and SFW boards (eventually). I remember when people would come to school to lecture us on internet safety. I'm still fucked up, just in a very opposite direction and experiences like that do contribute to the hatred.

No. 932622

I think I first stumbled across porn when I was 9 because of Naruto lol, but only started watching it regularly (everyday) when I was 10. Later on my family found out but no one blew up on me more than my brother, who is major porn sick loser, while my dad just laughed it off. To this day I feel my family judge me for it and it just contributes to me hating being at home.

I tried many times to quit but I was only able to after I was used for sex and nudes by two guys and after I started reading FDS… I feel hella stupid and guilty now for buying into lib fem propaganda, porn is abuse and to any anon out there, don't send nudes, I still have suicidal thoughts and worries about my nudes resurfacing

No. 932806

oh god anon same. bronies drew and wrote the most degenerate porn imaginable. the worst part for me is that i would talk openly at school about all the rape porn and stuff i was watching, and got a really bad reputation for that. i lost my virginity to another girl when i was 15 and i'm ashamed to say i encouraged her to watch porn and engage in weird kink stuff (she didn't though and i didn't push her). now i'm 18 and utterly sex repulsed, the most i do is read ero fanfics

No. 933234

I certainly did, i never sought it out, or if i stumbled on it i would leave as soon as possible. I wasn’t interested in that kind of stuff (felt no curiosity), and i was really terrified of being blamed or framed of looking at something sexual. My main fear was being caught, i felt a lot of shame in that regard. My family isn’t religious, but they hold me to a lot of things. I wasn’t even on the computer a lot since it was a family one, it used to be my dad’s, and he passed it on to my mom to use. Any early exposure wasn’t internet related.

No. 933428

File: 1633654517687.jpg (27.37 KB, 441x374, 1548524929533.jpg)

My early exposure to porn was probably around the age of 8-11 when I'm new to using the internet. I remembered stumbling upon porn of Sonic characters, Gardevoir/Pokemon girls and Princess Peach when looking for cute pictures and references on Google Images. I think that safe search back then wasn't as filtered as it is now (except for some certain characters). But by looking at those images, I didn't really understand how sex works, why they're naked with huge breasts and making weird faces but it did caught my curiosity and gave me a weird arousal to where I look them up again and deleted my history. There are times where I sometimes have been caught masturbating or walked on without the computer and got shamed for it (I didn't have a bedroom for myself).

At the age of 12, I slowly start to understand the idea of it from kids at school that jokingly talked about masturbation, titties and dicks as we're all going through puberty. Sometimes I even embarrassed myself when I bring up those topics when I still didn't fully grasp the idea of it. Later, I have the guts to look up on animations/hentai and real porn with audio. It was a risky take since I've used my brother's computer in his room when no one's around without getting caught. When I take a shower, I've used the handle of my hair brush as a dildo and I never thought it would feel so good.

At the age of 13, I found out about yaoi/gay/male focus porn to which it fits my kind of taste but I still look up on female focus porn in a guilty way. I believed my spark for male focus porn started with Link, Hetalia and Junjou Romantica then I became a fujoshi and have annoyed my friends (who have interest in anime) by shipping male characters together and showing them my Junjou Romantica mangas to which I later cringed and felt awful when I think about it. They were weirded out and think that I'm some quirky girl. Also same brother had gotten a laptop and I've secretly used it a few times in the bathroom to watch Sensitive Pornograph and regretted watching all 3 of the Boku no Pico OVAs out of curiosity. Though what I regretted and hate myself the most is when I had a crush on one of my friends after coming out as bisexual (leaning more towards straight, not sexually attracted to women) and it got to the point that all of us almost stopped being friends because of how weird I am. Though we haven't cut each other off but I haven't talk to her and the others since we go to different schools and last saw her at a friend's party as adults. I just hope she understands that it was just a weird phase.

Now in the present day, I have a huge hatred towards female focus porn and lewd content made for scrotes because that shit is everywhere ever since (on memes, anime, video games, my feed/recommendations, etc.) but still have the urge to look at them and their sick kinks/fetishes (furry, lesbian, trap/futa, shota/loli, tentacles, creampie, etc.) just to get off quickly and switch it to male focus porn. After climaxing, I feel guilty and disgusted to whatever the fuck scrotes get off to and convinced myself that I don't even like seeing women in a sexual way. Nowadays, me the horny virgin loser I am, stick to male focus porn and look up on it almost everyday even when I'm bored. Honestly, I'm more comfortable in seeing and liking hot guys since they are not as sexualized as it is with girls. I've read self-insert fanfics, listen to nsfw audios, and fantasized of getting fucked by attractive men. Even got my own dildo too.

No. 933443

Too much porn shit is literally everywhere. Music videos have been basically just straight porn since the 80s, tiktok, youtube shorts, etc are all just softcore porn, porn clickbait everything, can't even advertise different normie apps without having some girl in a bikini with big fake tits on the cover

That being said, the normalization of photoshop, bra stuffing, corsets, plastic surgery, etc combined with the fact all girls now are encouraged to post porn-like content has completely ruined men's perception of the female body. Since it's no longer just sports illustrated and playboy ladies with insane proportions but its every other girl on tiktok and snapchat, combine that with the idea that girls who call out how unhealthy this is are automatically branded as bitter and jealous and you get a fucked up generation full of plastic surgery addicts and 12 yr old girls wearing double push up bras and squating all night trying to get a big butt

No. 933452

i think i was like, ten maybe. i read narusasu bl fic on ffn and searched up whatever fanfic i could. there was also this one 'high tail furry' flash on newgrounds.
anyway i'll never understand how people are so…i don't know, moved and scarred by the cartoon porn they stumbled upon when they were young. i usually just scrolled past it (if it was something that weirded me out) or found myself feeling like, i dunno, intrigued.

No. 933453

i'm sorry to even reply to this but are you really implying weird fetish cartoon porn and e-fandom drama is comparable to real world, domestic violence? where a living breathing women is being physically harmed?

No. 933467

Back in middle school I used to be a janny on a forum for an incredibly niche MMO and it would get raided almost every night. All the other staff members wouldn't log on until later in the day so I would try to wake up extra early before school so I could rush down to the computer room and delete it all before my family would wake up and see what was going on. It was a delicate balance between not wanting any of the site members, almost all children too, to see all the fucked up shit that would get posted and not wanting my family to get a glimpse of the computer and assume I was up at 5AM looking at hardcore granny porn before class. It was my first time ever seeing porn and it was all degenerate fetish shit, really messed up stuff.. not that anything softer would've been better necessarily but it really terrified me and I hated waking up because of it. The rest of the staff team were all guys who were older and more tech savvy than me and I resented them for not taking any preventative measures so you couldn't just sign up and post immediately (the accounts were all super obvious spam bots and the problem was easily solved by just setting up a member approval system). It makes me mad all over again just thinking about it

No. 933478

My neighbor, another girl about 3-4 years older than me, showed me redtube before I was in kindergarden and said "girls let their boyfriends record them doing this". She also showed me stuff like newgrounds porn flashes and how to find dirty things on photobucket. It pretty much permanently altered my brain and I kinda accepted that I'll be a coomer forever in one way or another.

Personally though, the most emotionally/mentally damaging for me is always hetero irl porn. I've seen and gotten off to a lot of gross fictional stuff, but seeing irl abuse always leaves me feeling so disgusted and disappointed with myself. I'm a lesbian but I've gotten into a weird habit where I'll watch aggressive and degrading straight porn and then imagine castrating the dude when I finish. It's so awful. At least with gross 2D stuff, no matter how gross it is, I still feel ok knowing it wasn't real and I can process and think about certain parts of it in artistic ways.

I also grew up christian and up until I was actually 18 my mom would tell me to leave the room or cover my eyes if anything sexual happened on tv. I've always felt so guilty hiding this while she tried to keep me away from it. One of the only good things that came out of it was that I've always been distrustful of men and am hilarioisly still a virgin. I want my first time to be with a girl I love…

No. 934658

No, I got exposed at age 20 and I know the difference between reality and fantasy.

No. 934672

I discovered e-hentai when I was 12.
Watching porn around that age was also normal because "everybody" did it and our parents didn't gave a shit about us as long as we didn't bother them.

No. 934686

>i wish i could have a re-do but instead i’m trapped in this bleak, lonely existence, and no one around me can relate or understand. i keep trying to make a better life for myself but my brain is absolutely fucked
Damn, same.
I try to fill my brain with useless information about history and other stuff to hopefully one day reach the space where all my memories of my abuse is stored and to get it overwritten or deleted like a memory card.
I also don't think I can ever defeat my chronic depression.

No. 934692

My exposure to porn was also through MLP.. I would find AMVS of my little pony hentai and ero-gore feel like a badass because I thought it made me 'tough' or something.. the sex stuff I didn't really understand but from there I started reading loli manga and that caused my sexual awakening.
It makes me really sad, I didn't know what I was doing and I definitely have a really unhealthy outlook on sex and disturbing material now. I hate porn and I hate every person who watches it

No. 935836

the perfect mix of muscle and fat premium grade baratits. It makes me feel like a total coomer, like men watching drawings of anime women with idealistic fat distribution on their bodies but also giant cowtits.
Its scary how much I relate

No. 935864

File: 1633972566224.jpeg (88.21 KB, 651x503, 6929BA44-B624-46B5-A85E-2B6531…)

We have a very similar experience, it’s almost uncanny.
I called myself a pegasister when I was young, I’d say… ten years old? Around that age, when the show was first getting huge online.
I lurked the MLP fandom a lot and so inevitably stumbled into hentai flashes of the ponies. I played them for the same reason you did, it made me feel ‘tough’. A short while after that, though, I started reading degenerate doujins and manga unrelated to MLP. Loli, shota, gore…. I thought I was edgy and cool, and seriously did not understand the severity of what I was doing since I was so little.
It still makes me miserable thinking about it considering how young I was. I’m lucky to not have been the victim of some pedophile moid, minus… a small occurrence on a chat site that happened when I was either 12 or 13.
16 year old guy gave me tips on how to masturbate and said that the talk was making him horny and asked me if I was alright with him jerking it to our conversation. He knew how old I was. Even back then it made me extremely uncomfortable, but I was too awkward to say no. Luckily, I never saw him again after that, so while the experience was horrible, it could have been a lot worse. Still crosses my mind every now and then. Parents need to monitor what their kids do online.
Christ, I wasn’t expecting this post to be so long. Guess I really needed to get this off my chest.

No. 935883

Ayrt, I'm really sorry that happened to you, especially with that degenerate when you were so young.
It makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone, reading other anons experiences (including yours) helps remind me that the internet is not a place for young people but it doesn't 'ruin' you or anything. I also think innocence is glorified too much because our culture is pedophilic; at least we can talk about it now

No. 935912

I’m glad that reading about my experience helped you realize that you aren’t alone. This goes for anyone else ITT, too. The sad truth is that a scary amount of young girls on the internet have gone through some fucked up things relating to porn and sex. It still happens, too. It’s a genuine problem that not a lot of people seem to talk about, so I honestly do appreciate this thread.

No. 935916

i'm so relieved this thread exists, even though i feel sorry for anyone who struggles with this. i started watching porn when i was 9/10 and i can savely say it fucked me up. when i was around 13 i was already on 4chan getting exposed to heavyr, CP, the most degenerate coomer stuff and it hardwired my brain to "enjoy" BDSM, to think in a misogynist way, to believe that women can only derive pleasure from sex if they're being hurt. it made me susceptible to being groomed and abused in relationships. not to sound insensitive, but i sometimes feel like i experienced CSA because my symptoms are so similar but i didn't, i "just" watched gang rapes aged 13. i'm still struggling with it and i feel disgusted by myself. i just wish there was someone telling me what i am doing to myself, 15 years ago there was basically no awareness about this issue. thankfully i am now in a safe relationship, i try really hard to avoid porn and i will definitely never participate in harmful sexual practices anymore. radical feminism really helped me with this. though i could never bring myself to talk about this with a therapist, i probably should. have any of you adressed this in therapy?

No. 935925

I honestly believe that viewing porn as a child was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. It started when I was only 8 or 9 I think. I had recently been given unsupervised access to the internet for the first time, and I was a big fan of shitty youtubers such as onision. I must have searched for porn out of curiosity after I had heard about it. I don't remember where from but I'm willing to bet I got it from a youtube scrote. I literally just googled 'porn', looked at the images, then closed the page. I didn't understand what saw and it scared me, but what was worse was the guilt and paranoia that followed me afterwards for years. Around this time my mother had recently passed away so I was in a 'bad place'. My guilt kept me up at night for years after. I had a friend in school during these years who must have also been exposed to some bad things. We used to play 'games' on the playground where we were whores who had threesomes and went to sex shops and filmed porn. We also viewed porn together at her house on her mother's phone and she was caught. Looking back it was extremely deranged and I've never told anyone this. Later, when I was around 11 or 12 I came across erotica on urban dictionary of all places. It turned me on and I found out about masturbation from the internet. I started to consume this pretty 'vanilla' erotica on a regular basis. Not long after I came across some strange erotic content on youtube. Its hard to explain but it was sfw whilst still being lewd. This led to me eventually caving and seeking out actual porn. As it is for many people my tastes just got more and more extreme, and it got to the point where I could only cum from consuming very extreme content that is banned on many sites. I felt guilty about this and tried to stop many times and failed. Porn has also led to a lot of confusion for me about my sexual orientation. I don't know whether I love women or just see them as sexual objects. I haven't watched porn for around 6 months now but I still feel as though my sexuality is very unhealthy and I wish for a way out but I often fear that I've gone too far now. I apologise for the long post but I needed to get this of my chest. Thanks for this thread, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

No. 935937

I ended up being addicted to porn all throughout my teen years after seeing it for the first time when I was 8 or so. It was awful, I had to masterbate everyday, I ended up being a huge fujo and writing explicit roleplays with random adults I met online, I had sex on my mind almost 24/7, and when I turned 18 or so I finally kicked the bucket with my porn addiction and I have never felt better about it in my life. Fuck porn, and shoutout to all the nonnies on lolcow that influenced me to stop being a degenerate and spend my brainpower on more important things! I really think it's better for parents to teach kids that viewing porn isn't okay, because my mom assumed it was a normal thing that children go through but she didn't realize how awful it could get and how much it rots your brain. I had unsupervised access to the internet when I absolutely needed to be no matter how much I would have hated it.

No. 935967

>age 8.

Explains why I am here.

No. 936293

Oof. I hit efukt at 10 or 11. It was roleplaying on Neopets from 7-10 that started it for me. I can't imagine efukt at 8 though.

No. 937093

I found really degenerate futa shit as a little kid. I know it's already degenerate, but the kind of shit I saw isn't the kind of stuff I like now. literally an anime girl with a huge monster dick fucking the urethra of another anime girl with a huge monster dick it must have rewired my brain anyway because I do still like futa, it's my number one fetish. From there. I moved onto other other drawn shit and to this day I have trouble finding real people attractive. I never look at hot people and think that they're hot, real porn has never done anything for me (though to be fair neither does hentai, just doujins, I think the over the top voice and sound effects turns me off of all porn videos) and I date solely based on personality. It might be ADHD or a combination of that and the early exposure to art/doujin but I can't for the life of my jack it to my thoughts alone, I can't even think up fantasies based on doujin stuff. Feels bad man

No. 937142

When I was around 8 years old my best friend was a little bit older than me, and she had a friend the same age as her we would hang out with occasionally. There was one day her friend was over and asked us if we knew what tits were, and then typed it in to google to show us. This was the first time I’d seen any pictures like this, and it was scary and exciting at the same time. We started looking at more things and eventually she suggested we try it so we would see things and try to act it out, and became very focused on our bodies. After that day almost every time I saw my friend it involved looking at porn.
At the time it was thrilling because it felt like this hidden thing I wasn’t supposed to know about, but I felt a lot of fear and guilt too. What we were doing felt wrong, and I felt like at any moment I would get into trouble.
Since I was afraid I wouldn’t really go on porn sites and would use Gaiaonline to meet people and roleplay, and find explicit accounts for images.
At some point my friend decided I was too young and immature to hang out with so it was just me discovering this stuff on my own.
I became very reserved and fearful. It was hard for me to be happy in my body, and I felt a deep sense of shame.

At some point I discovered new hobbies and interests and made new friends and felt safer. I worked really hard to do well in school and ended up taking high level courses. When I started high school I was taking a math course two grade levels above my grade, and ended up in the same class as the girl who originally showed me porn, and it broke me. She was outgoing, popular, a cheerleader, all things I wished I could be. It just kinda hurt seeing how someone who kickstarted a confusing and traumatizing time of my life was doing so well, while I was holding on to all this shame. As an adult I know she likely had some horrible trauma as well, and just handled it differently. I just feel like my childhood was ripped away.
It’s nice to see a thread like this, and know others have experienced similar. I’ve been through a lot of therapy but still sometimes feel that strong sense of shame, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this.

No. 937172

My heart breaks for all of you who had to deal with this. I’m glad the thread exists because porn really is damaging.

I will try to limit the coomer shit because I also suspect moids will lurk this thread like the scum they are
>first exposed at age 3
>parents leave porn in vcr
>left unattended, I start watching
>they tell this as a funny dinner story nowadays
>internet access at age 8
>start watching newgrounds
>female cousin explains playboy
>female cousin starts grooming me
>female cousin starts sexually abusing me
>escalate to redtube/livejasmin
>addicted to porn/masturbation in elementary school
>in middle school, just discover anime
>friends in middle school draw yaoi and hentai
>start sending me fetish porn on deviantart
>groomed by men in their 20s on gaiaonline
>groomed by men in their 20s on 4chan
>send underaged nudes
>linked to heavy-r
>discover tumblr, exposed to graphic porn
>cruise Omegle for fun
>strip for random men because it makes me feel pretty
>discover site similar to Instagram
>post pics there
>solicited by men in their 20s (allegedly) to join their group on a site like tinychat
>it’s just me on camera, maybe 20-40 men watching me
>they assure me there will be another girl eventually (and there is)
>compliment and pressure me until I start masturbating on camera for them
>according to them, they do this regularly with underaged girls
>still carry the memory of how they coached me through both types penetration and knew what positions would hurt the most and least for a virgin
>discover cp sites on dads laptop
>web history shows he was searching child prostitutes in a 3rd world country that went to on business
>tell mom
>no one listens

I never had sex until my 20s and haven’t since. I tried to kill myself after and still feel dirty to this day. I am scared of future partners and would never disclose any of this to them because I am so ashamed. After finding the sites on my dads laptop it was a wake up call for me and I reported them, the sites were taken down, and dad promised to go to counseling but I have no idea if he did. We don’t talk about it. I tried to find the cam group of pedophiles but no luck. I can only hope the authorities got wind of it and deleted it.

No. 937202

no it isn't. matt and trey haven't released sexpillows of the south park characters for gross weebs to fuck. that's the show's main audience, gross porn addicted men. pretending otherwise is a massive cope.

No. 937351

Oh lord this reminds me of what I went through at 6. This one is not a porn exposure story on my part, but I suspect that our neighbor's daughter might've been exposed to porn or maybe she was even traumatized sexually or something. Why do I think this is the case? Well, she kind of coerced me into sexual contact. She said she wanted to imitate a music video she saw or something and without knowing better I agreed. I was too scared and confused to back out of the situation. I felt filthy for at least a decade after that and developed problematic habits like lying and getting into fights at school. I still haven't told my mom and it's been like what, 20 years? My family still thinks I was acting out because I was just a shitty child (and after me being a dumbass pathologically lying kid for almost a decade, I doubt they'd even believe me).

My porn exposure was gradual. I only became conscious of such a thing existing because the boys wouldn't shut the fuck up about it, not even in the first grade. Not only that, my best friend would say random disgusting sexual shit to me, probably because she was somehow traumatized or exposed too. At this point everything somehow began to associate with sex, just being alive felt dirty. First time I actually saw porn was when I was 10, it was at a friend's house. And the first time I watched porn for more than a minute was when I was 11. It was the culmination of my shame and I adapted a consumptive, raunchy and disrespectful attitude towards sex as a defense. I learned to "like" the idea of dealing and receiving disrespect. Getting into anime of course I ran into hentai and yaoi, which I feel like fucked my mind up even further. My first relationships in my teens were hypersexual because I thought that was normal and it was the only avenue of expression I had romantically, and it got me into so much bullshit. I was basically a porn addict by the time I was 18.
I only learned how to actually make love and be ok with myself after I made the conscious effort to distance myself from porn (I successfully quit). The first time I had sex with my husband I cried after, because I then knew I hadn't understood how vulnerable and beautiful sex could truly be. I still struggle with some trauma, bitterness and weltschmerz, but I'm ok.

No. 937369

do you mind if i ask whats appealing about futa to you? i have no idea why scrotes like it, and have even less idea why a woman would. is it a bisexual thing?

No. 937384

god, anon. I'm sorry no one believed you. I hope you can heal from this.

No. 937411

Nta but I guess it’s because the futa characters are attractive and not some self-insert blank mannequins.

No. 937445

Not op but I liked tranny/futa shit when I was younger because I love feminine men and they are the ultimate feminine man.

No. 937451

Wtf I'm so sorry they tell that as a "funny story" to people??? That's horrible

Its so weird how some parents don't give a shit if their child sees porn or sexual shit in general. My parents used to watch porn in the fucking living room till I was like 7 or 8. I was already being groomed by a family friend but when I saw a blowjob on the living room tv when I was 6 I kept having nightmares about cannibals eating my brothers arms and shit. I was too little to comprehend what that lady was doing so my little kid brain interpreted it as some weird naked lady eating a guys wee-wee till my cousin (who was 9) told me what a bj was. Then the nightmares stopped lol.

How common is that shit? I met a few other ppl who's parents watched porn out in the open/left it out in the open any other anons had shit families like that?

No. 937452

I used to go on efukt all the timeeee lmfao

No. 937455

i was in the deviantart sonic fandom while underage and saw so many of my online friends my age (even though we were all pretending to be older) get groomed into disturbing fetishes by actual grown adults. somehow i managed to escape it because the stuff i saw made me uncomfortable from the very start.

No. 937458

I've always preferred women but because p much all lesbian porn is aimed at men I mainly watched gay porn because it's hot dudes in pain (I think enjoying anal is more mental because their "g spot" doesn't have any where near as many nerves as a clit or whatever also I've had men tell me it's not even real just some shit gay dudes call their prostate). I wish they had straight porn where women were rough/violent to their male partner like in gay porn. I would self insert as the top alot because straight porn is almost entirely retarded and sexist. I was severely sexually abused so when I saw gay porn when I was 9 I was like fuck ya dudes in pain being bent over like whores haha nice feel my pain lmao but then it just got worse. Went from gay porn to tranny/sissy shit in middle school (rarely watched straight porn, sometimes lesbian), humiliation and domme shit when I started highschool (men drinking piss, eating feces, getting tazed, whipped, half the time it's be gay porn because hot guys in pain etc.), Then I couldn't even get horny I was just watched shit just to watch it so I would watch gore. By the time I was 15 I was going on efukt everyday and this website that the cartel had up when u can watch them skin dudes alive. I stopped watching porn when I was 17 because I felt like it fried my brain and I had seen a suspiciously young looking girl in a video and it's freaked me out realizing alot of the shit I watched was basically people getting raped on camera. Shortly stopped watching Gore after that (kept having violent thoughts about men). It's been 4 years since I've watched gore. I went on efukt for a day last year just to laff tho

No. 937477

Samefag but me and my former best friend (he was a gay dude) used to watch porn together alot it was weird lol we mainly would watch absurd shit like family guy porn or whatever but one time when we were sophomores in HS we watched a video of this guy shoving his entire head in a girl's pussy I was so sick I couldn't watch normal porn for a month just any hentai that could make me forget about that shit lol. Also despite enjoying watching men be degraded, humiliated, killed I never got into any sick shit like incest porn or animal or kiddie shit. I feel like ppl who watch that stuff already had an inclination towards it just like I had an inclination towards watching violence be depicted against men.

No. 937612

Nta but for me it's the fact that futas have the most sexualized and caricatured body parts of both sexes. Big breasts, big hips, big penis, I'm not interested in them otherwise. They're completely unrelatable to me. Weirdly enough, I don't find women attractive irl physically or romantically. Of course I can see a woman is beautiful and admire her but it's not arousing and I would never date or have sex with one. It's like I have some kind of porn induced bisexuality.

No. 937968

Reading this broke my heart. Absolutely nobody should have gone what you went through. Like >>937384 said, I really do hope you’re able to heal from this. Please stay strong. <3
This reminded me of something. My family members have been creepy to me, too.
My uncle actually got in trouble for owning teen porn once (this was VERY long ago), and I remember one time when I was a tween and my breasts were starting to grow in, he commented on how big they were getting. That made me so uncomfortable that I cried when it happened.
Another time when I was a tween, my aunt told a family member of mine that I was open about masturbating with her. She had/has a huge lying problem, so thankfully my family knew she was lying, but still.
There’s probably a lot more I’m forgetting since a lot of my family members have always been very sexual people (the polar opposite of me). Those two instances have always stuck with me, though.

No. 938132

>whats appealing about futa to you?
honestly? i've always had pretty bad penis envy. I used to be really scared of sex and penetration in general, even my own fingers, so futa seemed "safer" maybe? I wanted to be the one with the power. I also like how futas are generally depicted as super horny sex beasts that can barely control their libido and cum from the lightest touch, very different from myself.

>i have no idea why scrotes like it

me either. I don't understand it from a male point of view. I know everyone jokes that traps and futa are gay but I really don't know where I stand on that because I consider myself straight and I love futa lol.

>is it a bisexual thing?

I've always been unsure if I'm actually bisexual. I don't find 3d people attractive at all unless I love them, and I haven't loved a girl since I was a teenager. and even back then my fantasies were of fucking her with a real dick, not a strap-on, which obviously is impossible. so I'm pretty sure I'm a straight woman and that my interest in futa is projection. I wish I were the futa, basically.

No. 938173

My brother told me about porn when I was 9 and we would watch hentai together. From like 9-12 I watched a bunch of hentai and would also ERP, bragging to friends that I was such a pervert and how I was totally more mature cause I watched adult stuff. I didn't start masturbating till I was older though. Like I wasn't ever aroused by the hentai, it was just funny and taboo I guess. When I was 12 on tumblr I got into the ddlg scene and I think that's permanently effected my kinks now. I'm ashamed with myself, but I feel like I don't know how to have sex and not involve some sort of rape/"little space"/choke me aspect. I stopped watching porn a year ago but the few times I've relapsed I cum super fast, and I feel guilty after. It makes me feel like I'm broken without porn. Like I've permanently wired my sexuality to be controlled by porn. I definitely believe I'm sexually "broken" in some way because of the early exposure, even if it's not "that bad" compared to others.
When I was 16, I was in terrible need of attention, for some reason. I guess I just had teen girl disorder. But I posted nudes on 4chan. I really didn't care about the fact they might "come back to haunt me" because everyday I thought about suicide. I ended up getting into an online relationship with this 21 year old and it was just purely me sending him nudes. I get so mad because I truly did it to myself. I have no one else to blame but myself. When you're a kid, you don't think your actions will affect your adult self, because you assume you'll "have it all together" or change by then. But your childhood habits continue into adulthood.
I guess I wonder what are the steps to healthy sex after early porn exposure. But the topic is heavily debated. Some claim CNC is a healthy coping mechanism, but that's not what goes through my head when I participate in it. Some may say porn is actually good for sexuality, but it goes against my ethics. I'd hate to go to therapy to talk about sex. I feel like I think about sex so much, talking about it would just put it on my mind more. It's not even a matter of "get off the internet", sex is in my real life. Sometimes I feel like my only value is sex.
Sorry for rant, I'll go to bed now.

No. 938181

this was hard to read, I'm sorry you went through that. and your bro sounds… questionable.

No. 938260

> played runescape at age 7, had an online boyfriend who claimed to be 13.
> we had cyber sex numerous times
> began playing flash games, introduced by my brother and his friend. my brother is 3 years older than me, his friend 9 years older…
> orgasm girl, franks adventure, sex-kitten sim date, etc…
> at this point for some reason i began to lie about my age and i pretended to be 13. i e-dated another boy at this age who i never had sex with.
> the older ``friend`` introduces me to one of his pedo friends who i end up having a several month long e-dating relationship with. said friend was 33.
> i didnt have a way of sending him pictures of myself to him since it was only 2005 or so but he knew how young i was because everyone told him. my brother, the older friend, everyone knew i was dating a 33 year old man and did nothing.
> conversations were always sexual, i always felt aroused while talking to him and i was 8. some part of me knew it was wrong but he was always so persistent. i recall him telling me to take off my underwear when our computer was in the living room. i lied and said that i did. i remember he tried to convince me telepathy was real and he was trying to send me dirty thoughts telepathically… he also tried to teach me how to masturbate but ofc i could never do it since i was in the living room.
> he & i move apart somehow. i don't think we really broke up but i still had him on msn
> he used to always have photos of ``himself`` on msn. one day he had a photo of himself shirtless and i looked at him and had a really bad feeling for some reason - like i knew something was wrong. i blocked him and we never spoke ever again. i was 9 years old.
> i was still corrupted by him. playing lots of hentai flash games and looking at pornography. there was this one website i remember (down now but accessible through archive.org) it was one of the first times i saw people having sex online and i kept going back to it. i managed to recall the name of the site a month ago and saw the archived images and it looks so seedy. i wonder if it was consensual and i wonder if the women in those photos regret being in those shoots.
> i get molested irl. unrelated to the online stuff.
> i was incredibly sexual still, i had learned how to masturbate the year before, i took a liking to reading erotica online. quizilla and fanfiction lol.
> these experiences groomed me into thinking that i need a man, and i like older men. 16 year old boy? instantly hot because older = hot. older boys were my fetish.
> get groomed into a christian cult where i learn sex = big bad. i became a split person, extremely horny and sexual online/in private/chatrooms/games while hiding my eyes whenever people smacked lips in movies…
> christian cult tells me that the illuminati is very bad and symbolism is everywhere
> i begin watching this old youtuber who i had a crush because 9 years older was my sweet spot for whatever reason. turns out that he also believes in the illuminati and how bad it is and appears to be a christian. he also promotes non-satanic underground music which i begin to listen to and love.
> i begin to talk to him in youtube PM (which i can't even retrieve anymore) where i tell him how much i appreciate his videos, the steps im taking to prevent satanic influence, the music i love, etc.
> i lied about my age but eventually tell him i'm almost 14.
> he tells me that i'm really mature for my age. /eyeroll we begin talking everyday. i become obsessed with him. he is my world. i remember my heart skipping a thousand beats when i got home from school to see he had replied to my pm.
> he tells me the world is gonna end in 2012 due to the illuminati symbolism growing more and more intense. i'm scared shitless because im 14 and no one told me to think critically since i didn't even realize i was in a cult at the time.
> he says that he wants to meet me because he is in love with me and he's never met anyone as smart and as beautiful as me. he says we were made for each other. we have the same interests too outside of illuminati and music by coincidence so i feel like its true.
> we talk all the time, call on skype, etc. i frantically calculate his timezone clock when im at school so i know when he'll be awake, etc. he was my world. even writing this i can't believe i was the same person.
> he tells me he bought a ticket, we meet… he rapes me.
> i remember a bad feeling but i didn't understand it was rape because i loved him and the world was going to end so i was glad that i was able to do the right thing.
> this guy actually kills two birds with one stone and fucks another from my country.
> this turns the confusion and pain i had after the rape into anger which i channel towards the other woman…
> because of this i am even more emotionally stunted in regards to sex than i was before. i become cold and heartless - rejecting boys' advances towards me.
> i shrivel up when boys try to touch me. but … i can still watch porn and get off to it… any real non-imaginary touch causes this reaction
> i dont trust men, but when i was 18 i dated a boy (a narcissist) i thought i liked because he seemed to know what he was doing. i wanted to live for his approval
> but when he touched me i would shiver, tear up, shake. holding hands = ok, touch my neck while kissing, NO. obviously no sex.
> but he has needs so he makes me strip for him, have phone sex with him even though i was so uncomfortable, but i was groomed into thinking this was my purpose in a relationship. he pressures me in multiple ways until i finally crack and end the relationship.
> next two relationships are an improvement but no sex.
> lose consensual virginity at 21, i am somewhat healed by this point but my kinks are so degenerate and corrupt, forever tainted by my experiences as a kid/teen. even after not watching porn for a year and having vanilla sex with my boyfriend i still have these desires.

sorry if this was long, when i started writing it just kept going. ive never told anyone the full story before although the exes who had to deal with me crying if i was touched in certain areas were told some of it.

i hope to anyone reading this who struggled like i did, you will get better. you may not heal completely (as i have not) but i'm nothing like the person i was as a children. i was broken. i felt like i never would be healed. there are still scars but it's not something that bleeds into my everyday life. i'm fiercely independent now, my life no longer revolves around abusive men. in fact, i see myself as an equal in relationships, unless they give me reason to think they're below me, then i break up with them without turning back. even though this all happened to me, they're just pieces of my past which have little bearing on the present.

except for my degenerate kinks, that's the only issue i still have but it's so minor compared to how codependent i used to be.

No. 938382

>Grew up seeing lewd "comedy" movies (ugly old men with perfect half naked ladies, you know the genre), very popular and considered funny in my country
>Parents are too open about their sex life
>I start masturbating at 5, before I even knew what masturbation meant
>Get internet at some point around 8/10 years old, I look up "sex" (but not actual porn sites because I've always been horny), at the same time my teenage brother starts touching, groping, showing me his dick and stuff like that
>I roam forums for some years and in my early teens I find out about some forums where people share porn videos or gifs, I start getting off to that
>Go down the anime route, watch some hentai, then switch to yaoi and bl
>Particularly interested in shota (I know, I'm sorry, but I was a kid and I kinda self-inserted)
>Find pornhub while looking for a shota ova (you know the one)
>A few looks from time to time turn into full blown porn addiction (from 15 to now)
All this happened while being a literal virgin. I find it almost funny that I started knowing about sex and porn when I was a child but then I remained a sexually repressed ugly retard in real life. Nowdays I don't see the porn thing as a problem because I've seen and consumed so much of it that it's "normal" to me, and it has been my way to explore sexuality, which I couldn't do because I'm a retard and my parents were also extremely strict and mentally ill. With time I've come to appreciate "softer" and "healthier" depictions of love and sex in forms of drawings that don't harm anyone, and I feel like that's a bit better. All this has fucked with me though, because relationships to me are just two people agreeing to fuck or a man using a woman as a fleshlight and I have trouble seeing them as anything more.

No. 938421

So most people who like futa basically have brainrot? Cus u basically want something that doesn't exist like wanting to fuck an alien or sea monster.

No. 938498

are you italian? I hate those fucking movies

No. 938508

Yep, Italy has shit comedy made for horny moids.

No. 938748

I watched porn from a young age (like 7 or so) after some cousins showed me porn sites they found themselves and became a massive porn addict, i especially loved the flash games. I got addicted to trading nudes online when i was very underage, likely because i felt unloved at home and the gross men who "didn't mind" that i was so young made me feel noticed and wanted. That's about my biggest regret, because these scrotes likely still have these pics. I wish i could undo all of that.

No. 938765

I’m not Italian but I grew up with a lot of those movies as well (for some reason my parents acted like it was classic cinema immune to criticism). Even as a kid it seemed gross, always some established older male actor with a bunch of interchangeable half naked young women who barely had careers.

No. 938793

Think like most people I have seen the first bit of porn when I was younger than 10 when my mother watched it at night and like most kids I just made fun of it since it seemed so dumb. Then I saw hentai/yaoi fan art regularly when I started using the internet as young teen in the late 90s. I don't think it affected me. I was just never interested in sexual stuff back then. Now I am 30 and still a kissless virgin who was never in love (at least not with a real person), but I learned to appreciate drawn porn with ~18. Before that I was 100% asexual I think, although my puperty only started with 15/16 so there is that. Now I find cartoon porn hot and sometimes imagine sex (in 2D), but I never do anything in the real world, not even masturbating.

No. 938853

I honestly feel like I’ve blocked out a bunch of my early exposure to this shit but something I did that haunts me to this day was getting the sex mods and various others for Sims 2 and making adult men do shit with young girls when I was like 9-10. it still makes me upset to think about why I liked doing that

No. 939276

>Particularly interested in shota (I know, I'm sorry, but I was a kid and I kinda self-inserted)
What are you? A moid?

No. 939288

Not helpful, she said she was a kid herself.

No. 939291

NTA but I can see how a little girl could end up liking shota and considering it normal. When I was in 6th grade, I've read a manga (called something like "today in class 6A" or something) that was about a bunch of 12 year old kids. It was a slice of life comedy, however with pedo tendencies (the girls were sexualised). I remember thinking THEN that it's okay cause I'm the same age and that the comic depicts growing up, so it's natural that kind of stuff comes up. So if some kid starts watching hentai, it's not impossible for me to imagine them applying the similar logic on shota characters ("it's fine for me to crush on kids my age, so it's also fine to watch porn with them").
>but a degenerate adult drew that!
I know, anon, I know. That realization was beyond my thinking when I was a tween.

No. 939304

File: 1634305340934.png (148.51 KB, 441x474, FBkwhmFXMAI9iOS.png)

Not to be a libtard, but this is why children under 13 should be off the internet/ be only kept on it in the condition of strict parental supervision. It seems that younger (lonely. understandably stupid) children love orbiting faux pedo-proof social media sites like discord, twitter etc. Additionally, parents also need to get their fat assess off it too to lead an example for their children. Lastly, they should hold their older kids accountable for what they teach/expose their younger siblings to. Not to judge your parents or anything but this definitely comes across as irresponsible parenting to me, as they could have done something to avert this trauma or help you bounce back from it. Anyways, I'm glad you learned how to be free of the shackles of codependency and proud of you for slowly re-learning how to be in a healthy relationship. ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ(emote)

No. 939306

Oh, makes sense I guess. I used to get off to that as a kid too, but I resonated more with lolicon…

No. 939310

That has nothing to do with being a "libtard". Kids really need more restrictions and supervision, but many parents are shit or clueless.
Don't use emojis though.

No. 939341

My bad, meant to say extreme conservative but lost the word

sage for typo

No. 939343

Lol you didn't even sage, not that you need to on /ot/, but if you want to sage you write the word sage into the email field.

No. 939358

dang. just got exposed as a newfag… weird how i just stumbled upon the /meta tutorial right after i hit reply

No. 939375

OP here, I guess because I was and am attracted to males while being a very insecure girl, I preferred things with males only. And to kid me the "shota" in the story looked cute and in a relationship with an older male, which is something a lot of kids and teenagers fantasize about. Only as an adult you can tell how fucked it is.

No. 947050

I had a porn addiction for a decade after being exposed to it at age 8 or 9. I've seen some really fucked up porn. Perhaps I've seen all kinds of fucked up porn. At age 10 or 11 I showed grown men on omegle my vagina and they screenshotted it and said they'd spread the screenshots all over the internet. I still watch some porn from time to time but it's very vanilla, just like 2 naked women giving each other a massage. I've never had sex before and I think i'd be too paranoid, I don't want to be a victim of hidden camera porn. I think i'm fucked up beyond repair… The things I have seen haunt me.

No. 947097

> I don't want to be a victim of hidden camera porn
I have a fear of this too. I used to watch any old random clips on ph before they got stricter about content. So much of it was hidden cam stuff that seemed very genuine. I was a teen and painfully unaware of the fact that yes ph was allowing actual revenge porn on there with no attempts made to even pretend it wasn't that.

For the first time in years now I've met a guy I'm attracted to but even when fantasizing about something happening between us.. I go into panic mode about how scrotes film their encounters and share them online no matter how shitty it is to watch far away filmed scenes from a hidden cam sitting on a shelf somewhere. A quick scan of the room might not even be enough to spot it.

No. 947111

I wasn't exposed to anything until this guy I went to kindergarten and school with for 10 years showed me teen titans tentacle hentai when we were like 10 or 9, I don't remember. I was fairly horrified. His psycho mom would let him watch pretty much any movie from a young age so I'm not surprised he got so degenerate so early. He got a kick from that kind of shit.
Luckily I've never had a porn addiction. Just the normal amount in my teen years after I started to masturbate and I only seeked out the fairly vanilla stuff.

Delete Post [ ]
[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules ] [ ot / g / m ] [ pt / snow / w ] [ meta ] [ Matrix (formerly Discord) ]