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I hate porn
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does this count anons
Porn gave me weird kinks, I’m glad they weren’t fetishes because that would’ve fucked me up even more.
Until I was like 18 I liked BDSM shit, literally because of the sparkly collars and gear, and thought that I was an uwu subby girl, I would mostly read rape stuff and loli shit that could be considered CP because of the art style.
It was only by the time I was 21 that I sat down and thought
>bruh what the fuck
And stopped reading such filthy shit, it’s horrible when you’re lonely and also involved in online communities that support such things, because you even start thinking that it’s okay, if not normal.
I’ve also talked about this before, but the only way for me to stop spiraling down the porn rabbit hole was talking to a real pedophile.
It was disgusting to say the least, I’m glad that deep down I knew that the whole “oh they’re smarter than you think and they’re actually into it” was bullshit, and that the other pedo motto was bullshit too, the “I-I’m not touching anyone, this is pure love!!!”.
I hate pedos, I can’t wait to be able to use my money to donate to charities against them or to create my own movement or some shit, I want all pedophiles to die, male or female.
It’s shitty how kids are overexposed to porn, to the point that 9 years old me could find it and get into it so easily, even if I had parents that were constantly checking on me, porn has always been everywhere, even on Nintendo magazines.
I honestly keep repeating this whenever this topic comes out, but I honestly think that kids shouldn’t use the internet at all, it’s not necessary for their development, you can literally just print whatever you need and keep it around, maybe use a tablet with the internet disabled, maybe just buy books and teach the kid to read shit that’s over 3 lines long.
Because even if you do your best to keep them away from sick fucks, they will find a way to try to lure the kid into their “forbidden” “cool” and “mysterious” bullshit.
Also, I don’t care if other kids watch porn, at least teach your kid to shame her/his friends, it’s the only way to stop kids from consuming porn.
Thanks for making this thread anon. Here are a few of my experiences (that happened around age 4 to 8).
>Happened to peek out in the living room and saw my dad watching porn. He didn't see me.
>Dad used to take me to a Chinese blockbuster-esque store and let me wander while he would rent tapes (non-porn ones because it was for my mom, but thinking back on it he probably rented some porn too). I would stand in front of some random DVDs and I'd find porn ones and stare at them. They had graphic (though censored) pictures.
>Found a porn DVD of my dad's just on the TV cabinet.
When I was slightly older (around 9-13), I got access to a computer.
>Used to look up porn.
>Joined yahoo chatrooms and would have sexual chats with strangers (can't remember if I told them my age or not).
>Would have online boyfriends on the MMO I played and also cybered with these online boyfriends.
It's definitely fucked me up. I didn't have actual sex with another person until I was about 18 or 19 and it led me down a spiraling hole of depression because I would equate my worth to my body to my worthiness of sex to love. I posted about it before but I was sexually abused as a child by my babysitter's son. He tried anal with me, tried to have me give him a blowjob, and I'd also go to him while he was on his computer while he had porn on and he wouldn't try to hide it. His mother, my babysitter, did nothing to stop any of this. I've always thought it didn't affect me, because I felt that it truly didn't and have always felt that it's just a memory of my childhood like any other memory, but an anon pointed out to me that this is probably part of my trauma response to it. It may have indirectly caused my teenage/adult depression, my fucked up relationship with sex, and my incredibly high libido. My libido didn't even itself out until after my latest depressive hole that came my last break up. I don't know if it's linked, but I also have degenerate kinks like breeding/pregnancy/power imbalances in relationships (all in fiction, have never explored or care to explore these irl with a partner).
I never consumed porn, although I did download some funny nude shit while torrenting, like a man playing a xylophone with his massive dick. But those didn't really scar me.
I hung out in early IRCs and loved to mess with horny guys and be intentionally uncooperative and see them get mad. Me and my friends even added some guys that wanted to webcam, so we covered our cam and laughed at some of the ugly ass dicks we've seen. All in all, I somehow got lucky and avoided getting groomed by internet men, and if anything it just helped to cement the feeling in me that men are pathetic pretty early.
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Someone made me read the Metamorphose manga at a weird and vulnerable period of my life. It gave me these fetishes:
Crackwhore fucking in which I imagine I'm a crackwhore and lose all control and suck dick for money
Fucking on drugs that make you feel good, men giving said drugs on my mouth
Being fucked by multiple guys one after another but not in a gangbang, just in a row, passed around
Pissing in front of people, then getting fucked
Fucking for drug money while I'm and injecting shit
Whorefication, going from an "innocent" or "normal" state into becoming a prostitute
Getting pregntant from a client or someone that sells me drugs (a possition of power/someone who manhandles me)
Aborting said baby to continue whoring myself out
Fucking a cock with STDs (I might know or not know at the time of fucking that it is diseased), never wear protection with anyone ever again
Standing on the street as a streetwalking prostitute, fucking on the street, near trash cans or in a shady looking brothel
And I think that's it
I'm a virgin and I would never do any of that crap. I'm a feminist even. But it makes me horny and I'm ashamed of this shit.
How the fuck do I stop this?????
>>929490>Getting pregntant from a client or someone that sells me drugs, aborting said baby to continue whoring myself out
These aren’t even fetishes, they’re weird fantasies. You can’t detail an event step-by-step and call it a fetish.
You sound like a minor, stop looking at porn and study for your fucking vocabulary test.
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>find dad's porg mags as a kid
>actually get off to them
>some of the pages are stuck together
>too innocent to know why
Nta but pretty much that, people view pornsick males as “funny and quirky” at worst.
While the sole fact of a woman looking at a naked person makes her already a whore, either in a “positive” light, in which she’s the quirky free girl who will make a guy’s pornsick dreams come true; or in the negative light in which she’s just broken and gross because “women should be 100% pure flowers” who will uwu blush and tell her gf free bf that she’s amazed by the size of his 3incher.
>>929594>This is why you can't talk about serious shit on lolcow, never fucking ever.
Bitch, you just said you got off on LARPing as a coke addicted, STD-ridden, crackwhore who aborts her illegitimate children. AND YOU WANT US TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, PLEASE!
Boo motherfucking boo!
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When I was a kid sometimes men sent me child porn. I found it disgusting but was unable to look away. I'd stare at these images and watch the videos over and over. First off because it was so illegal. But there was something about just looking at the ultimate level of hell? The men in these videos felt like I was looking at some supernatural evil demons who toootally didn't exist in real life. How the kids would react. It was all so eerie and reminds me of the feeling you get from looking at liminal spaces. I felt numb as if I've seen it all now, I've seen how evil mens sexuality is. It's just not connected to love at all.
Sorry for the weird description.
This is the lesbian anon. It's a work in progress but I believe things can get better. I hope maybe after school, I can sort it out. It feels so weird when men are interested in me now. I just wished I lived a normal life.
I can't really share any of this to my friends (even the girls) because they insist porn is a normal part of life. It sucks, so I appreciate this thread even though it's a mess right now.
Tbh agree with anons about this topic being suspiciously pedo-baity, scrotes really do love sexualizing every inch about growing up as a girl. However I think it's still an important topic so trying to keep it as non-explicit as possible.
Background: I'm an oldfag and was around when the internet wasn't nearly as regulated as it is now. I was exposed to porn at a young age (around 9-10) and was obsessed with hentai at like 12 to the point of being a coomer for all of my teens but I do think how much it actually influenced and affected me. Even the kinks that I have seemed to exist as proto-paraphilias in my very early childhood to some extent. What seemed to traumatize and negatively affect me the most was all the men harassing and grooming me for all of my youth, while something like tentacle hentai was a personal way for me to explore my sexuality since there was technically no men involved in it. Later on in life I realized I'm a lesbian, hentai just doesn't seem to be realistic enough to really have a effect that noticeable in my IRL sexuality. Especially because I watched it in solitude without anyone forcing me to or being a creep about it.
However I'm still starchily anti-porn. It's obvious that porn is validating dangerous male fantasies like believing that women secretly want to be hurt and it's even more alarming that so many young girls believe sex should be what the pornsick scrotes dictate it to be. I lucked out and never became one of those poor nymphet e-girls being coerced into sending out nudes to roach daddies at 14 but often I think it's just because because my brain instinctively knew I shouldn't and it's wrong. Be it the lesbianism or whatever but something prevented me from cooperating and I'm so glad. My heart goes out to all the anons who were abused and exploited in their teens.>>929608
You described the experience to a T. When I was exposed to CP in my teens after ending up on some shady sites I felt exactly the same. It was a horrifying, eerie feeling that haunts me almost two decades later. I'm so happy I'm not attracted to men, I seriously wouldn't know how to cope if I was.
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Incredibly tame compared to the other responses here. I was fortunate enough to have a stable childhood and be pretty sheltered from porn. The first time I masturbated I literally just touched my clit without knowing what the fuck I was doing kek.
My first mild exposure was DA when I was like 12, lots of borderline pinups and niche fetish stuff when I was just looking for Nickelodeon crossover fanart.
When I was 13 I tried getting into making youtube videos and found audio porn in the official youtube audio library. I found it by accident, that's how easy it was to come by. Literally couples doing anal and dirty talking through it, men moaning, women getting off with vibrators and shit like that. All fairly tame considering the status-quo for porn now but still pretty shocking to find on YT.
I went to an all-girls middle-high school and I remember my classmates telling stories in 8th grade about how their siblings or cousins had shown them actual porn when they were 10-11 years old. At the time we thought it was funny, but now I look back at the patterns of those girls behaviour and realise that they were almost definitely CSA victims. Shit sucks in hindsight, especially knowing at least five of them were self harming by senior year, and one of them was dating a 23-year-old at 16 who made her keep her school uniform on when they fucked. I hope he dies young.
When I was 12-13 I would use Tumblr. I was a kid, so naturally I would follow tags that were related to kid stuff- Disney, certain cartoons, kawaii stuff, etc. (Some of you already know where this is going). Obviously at that age I was aware of sex and porn. What I wasn't aware of is how casual people are about showcasing their depravity.
Adult women dressed as children. They post their genitals to the Disney tags, "daddy did this" and "daddy did that". Their bruised up arses and mauled bodies. At 12 I did not need to be exposed to extreme kink. Did I deserve it for being on the internet? No, I was just a kid in the Disney tags, but they sure did insist that we all deserved it for being online>>929768
DeviantArt is a trap for youth. When I was a kid, maybe 9 or so, I was super into Pokémon. I liked looking at Pokémon art. DeviantArt was littered with porn and it really feels like such a downer to me that my first visual experience with sexuality was essentially art of beastiality. I wasn't seeking it out. I would just search for particular pokémon and the porn art would be scattered among the normal art
I wish I had pictures right now, but those magazines are at my other house.
They had these small icons that if you sent a text message to some random number, you would be able to have the icon as your signature for your text messages.
They were basically just random publicity that kept the magazines afloat in my third world country, but sometimes it had scantily clad women and such, I still remember one of some butt cheeks that were burgers and some weird thing hugging them.
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I was on habbo hotel when I was 9 and a pedo sent a porn link with some weird bdsm shit. I saw it for maybe half a minute, I was confused why this woman was on a leash, then closed it down in a panic. I was already taught to hate porn before that, not for religious reasons, misandry reasons. I'm fucked up and practically diagnosed with asshole personality disorder, but at least I never liked porn. I was instead ruined by horror movies like Audition, in combination with taught misandry and of course being harassed and having some close calls with scrotes. Boohoo I'm the fucking devil, get over it. I didn't ask for any of this and don't entertain it.
Music videos though, they are practically softcore porn, but I consider that the healthy and innate part of my sexuality. The Lady Marmalade video was overwhelming and I still watch music videos for private time fun (or read lesbian smut).
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Back when mlp was starting to get popular and I was the target audience (around 9 years old I think) I stumbled upon nsfw artwork of the characters and ended up falling down a furry-zoo porn rabbit hole. I was too young and stupid to fully comprehend the immorality of the sort of content I was viewing at the time.
I'm on fandom twitter and every week I see some retarded post about how writing and drawing about how you want to fuck a cartoon horse is okay and actually a healthy expression of sexuality and anyone who says otherwise is an awful puritan anti gatekeeper. It makes me want to fucking vomit, especially the 30+ women who get mad that children are upset about coming across porn of their favourite characters.
It's like how some men have come forward about being abused by their wives so society's convinced themselves that domestic abuse is committed half by men and half by women, even though the evidence clearly shows the majority of abusers are men. Some of these retards cry about how they're allowed to draw and jerk off to porn of a kids show because they were abused as kids, so the handmaids have convinced themselves that most posters of weird illegal fanporn are abuse victims
trying to cope, when it's so obvious that they're groomers using it to desensitize a whole audience of victims
>>929585>how empowering and flattering porn is to men and how degrading and insulting it is to women
You're making the assumption that every men just wants to choke, slap or "dominate" his woman.
Most just want to look at pretty girls in lingerie and have them doing something vaguely sexual and taboo with a silent and noninvasive protagonist.
Instead you always get forced BDSM, painful sex acts, Cuckshit, terrible tattoos, male actors who can't shut up, crappy camera angles which only focus on genitals, shitty tattoos, weird fake noises, low effort women (plain haircut, bad makeup and no lingerie), bad and unnecessary plastic surgery, broken and cut penisses (painful to look at), zero chemistry between "actors" (they have sex as though they hate each other) and ugly tattoos. If you somehow manage to find a good looking actress in a cozy video and want to look up more you'll just find the inevitable gangbang or piss video, which tends to kill all attraction.
Once you hit your twenties you just feel increasingly ashamed about it all (especially about the tattood girls), and the only people who will still openly shill porn after that age are bisexual swingers, weirdos and inked losers.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Frankly, jacking it to cartoon animals is
weird and degenerate, but yelling at furverts is a waste of time, they will never listen. As long as they keep it all away from children it's better to just leave them alone.
On the other hand, I keep seeing uwu minows in obviously adult-oriented fandoms (as in, the source material itself is clearly not for kids) whining about adult content which is actually properly tagged 99% of the time.
I wish social media implemented a way to mass block everyone under 18 if you tag your account as a NSFW one, I honestly do not want to expose underage teenagers to the degenerate shit I like nor do I want them to ever interact with predatory perverts attempting to take advantage of them. It was the worst mistake to centralize all content to the same social media sites where you have people of all ages and walks of life participating. >>930802
Nobody cares, scrote
>>930817>I wish social media implemented a way to mass block everyone under 18 if you tag your account as a NSFW one
This, also the minimum age for social media should be raised to 16, 13 is way too low. Or just make it 18+ if companies are too lazy to implement automatic mass blocking of minors from NSFW accounts.>It was the worst mistake to centralize all content to the same social media sites where you have people of all ages and walks of life participating
This, this, this! I miss hobby-oriented forums so much.
Yeah, my parents were strict but I luckily self-censored when I did stumble across porn and understood what the intentions were of the random males who'd try to talk to me. Thank goodness for that, it's sad how many anons ITT got groomed and pornsick at such a young age.>>930993>I really wonder what makes children more and less inclined to look at this stuff.
Same. I think the factor for me was that at the age I started going online (~11-12) I still very much thought of myself and was treated as a kid and didn't feel any pressure to act older, and at the time spending too much time in general was considered something that losers do so I didn't get in too deep. Plus I was more or less exclusively interested in kid stuff like neopets and roleplaying sites so there wasn't much risk of exposure to porn unless I gave the family computer a virus
and my parents monitored my internet access until I was into my mid-teens.
I created a blog for people (women) to post their pedophiles. it can be as anonymous as you want or as exposing as you want.
I added disclaimers just because I didn't want to get removed for false accusations but this is ridiculous so many men get away with pedophilia https://post-a-pedo.tumblr.com/submit
This would also be helpful for women in relationships if this gets widespread enough so people know who to allow around them
, I was also given unrestricted access to the internet, which is how I ended up on habbo hotel in the first place at such a young age. I'm not from a religious household, but I was taught to hit men over staring at nudie mags in the shop and things like that and heard lots of misandrist rants. So I put two and two together when I realized what I was seeing. After the one time I clicked that link, I never clicked random links again, lesson learned. I kinda just stayed on YouTube, kid game sites and SFW boards (eventually). I remember when people would come to school to lecture us on internet safety. I'm still fucked up, just in a very opposite direction and experiences like that do contribute to the hatred.
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My early exposure to porn was probably around the age of 8-11 when I'm new to using the internet. I remembered stumbling upon porn of Sonic characters, Gardevoir/Pokemon girls and Princess Peach when looking for cute pictures and references on Google Images. I think that safe search back then wasn't as filtered as it is now (except for some certain characters). But by looking at those images, I didn't really understand how sex works, why they're naked with huge breasts and making weird faces but it did caught my curiosity and gave me a weird arousal to where I look them up again and deleted my history. There are times where I sometimes have been caught masturbating or walked on without the computer and got shamed for it (I didn't have a bedroom for myself).
At the age of 12, I slowly start to understand the idea of it from kids at school that jokingly talked about masturbation, titties and dicks as we're all going through puberty. Sometimes I even embarrassed myself when I bring up those topics when I still didn't fully grasp the idea of it. Later, I have the guts to look up on animations/hentai and real porn with audio. It was a risky take since I've used my brother's computer in his room when no one's around without getting caught. When I take a shower, I've used the handle of my hair brush as a dildo and I never thought it would feel so good.
At the age of 13, I found out about yaoi/gay/male focus porn to which it fits my kind of taste but I still look up on female focus porn in a guilty way. I believed my spark for male focus porn started with Link, Hetalia and Junjou Romantica then I became a fujoshi and have annoyed my friends (who have interest in anime) by shipping male characters together and showing them my Junjou Romantica mangas to which I later cringed and felt awful when I think about it. They were weirded out and think that I'm some quirky girl. Also same brother had gotten a laptop and I've secretly used it a few times in the bathroom to watch Sensitive Pornograph and regretted watching all 3 of the Boku no Pico OVAs out of curiosity. Though what I regretted and hate myself the most is when I had a crush on one of my friends after coming out as bisexual (leaning more towards straight, not sexually attracted to women) and it got to the point that all of us almost stopped being friends because of how weird I am. Though we haven't cut each other off but I haven't talk to her and the others since we go to different schools and last saw her at a friend's party as adults. I just hope she understands that it was just a weird phase.
Now in the present day, I have a huge hatred towards female focus porn and lewd content made for scrotes because that shit is everywhere ever since (on memes, anime, video games, my feed/recommendations, etc.) but still have the urge to look at them and their sick kinks/fetishes (furry, lesbian, trap/futa, shota/loli, tentacles, creampie, etc.) just to get off quickly and switch it to male focus porn. After climaxing, I feel guilty and disgusted to whatever the fuck scrotes get off to and convinced myself that I don't even like seeing women in a sexual way. Nowadays, me the horny virgin loser I am, stick to male focus porn and look up on it almost everyday even when I'm bored. Honestly, I'm more comfortable in seeing and liking hot guys since they are not as sexualized as it is with girls. I've read self-insert fanfics, listen to nsfw audios, and fantasized of getting fucked by attractive men. Even got my own dildo too.
Too much porn shit is literally everywhere. Music videos have been basically just straight porn since the 80s, tiktok, youtube shorts, etc are all just softcore porn, porn clickbait everything, can't even advertise different normie apps without having some girl in a bikini with big fake tits on the cover
That being said, the normalization of photoshop, bra stuffing, corsets, plastic surgery, etc combined with the fact all girls now are encouraged to post porn-like content has completely ruined men's perception of the female body. Since it's no longer just sports illustrated and playboy ladies with insane proportions but its every other girl on tiktok and snapchat, combine that with the idea that girls who call out how unhealthy this is are automatically branded as bitter and jealous and you get a fucked up generation full of plastic surgery addicts and 12 yr old girls wearing double push up bras and squating all night trying to get a big butt
>>929481>i wish i could have a re-do but instead i’m trapped in this bleak, lonely existence, and no one around me can relate or understand. i keep trying to make a better life for myself but my brain is absolutely fucked
I try to fill my brain with useless information about history and other stuff to hopefully one day reach the space where all my memories of my abuse is stored and to get it overwritten or deleted like a memory card.
I also don't think I can ever defeat my chronic depression.
My exposure to porn was also through MLP.. I would find AMVS of my little pony hentai and ero-gore feel like a badass because I thought it made me 'tough' or something.. the sex stuff I didn't really understand but from there I started reading loli manga and that caused my sexual awakening.
It makes me really sad, I didn't know what I was doing and I definitely have a really unhealthy outlook on sex and disturbing material now. I hate porn and I hate every person who watches it
the perfect mix of muscle and fat premium grade baratits. It makes me feel like a total coomer, like men watching drawings of anime women with idealistic fat distribution on their bodies but also giant cowtits.
Its scary how much I relate
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We have a very similar experience, it’s almost uncanny.
I called myself a pegasister when I was young, I’d say… ten years old? Around that age, when the show was first getting huge online.
I lurked the MLP fandom a lot and so inevitably stumbled into hentai flashes of the ponies. I played them for the same reason you did, it made me feel ‘tough’. A short while after that, though, I started reading degenerate doujins and manga unrelated to MLP. Loli, shota, gore…
. I thought I was edgy and cool, and seriously did not understand the severity of what I was doing since I was so little.
It still makes me miserable thinking about it considering how young I was. I’m lucky to not have been the victim
of some pedophile moid, minus… a small occurrence on a chat site that happened when I was either 12 or 13.
16 year old guy gave me tips on how to masturbate and said that the talk was making him horny and asked me if I was alright with him jerking it to our conversation. He knew how old I was. Even back then it made me extremely uncomfortable, but I was too awkward to say no. Luckily, I never saw him again after that, so while the experience was horrible, it could have been a lot worse. Still crosses my mind every now and then. Parents need to monitor what their kids do online.
Christ, I wasn’t expecting this post to be so long. Guess I really needed to get this off my chest.
Ayrt, I'm really sorry that happened to you, especially with that degenerate when you were so young.
It makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone, reading other anons experiences (including yours) helps remind me that the internet is not a place for young people but it doesn't 'ruin' you or anything. I also think innocence is glorified too much because our culture is pedophilic; at least we can talk about it now
i'm so relieved this thread exists, even though i feel sorry for anyone who struggles with this. i started watching porn when i was 9/10 and i can savely say it fucked me up. when i was around 13 i was already on 4chan getting exposed to heavyr, CP, the most degenerate coomer stuff and it hardwired my brain to "enjoy" BDSM, to think in a misogynist way, to believe that women can only derive pleasure from sex if they're being hurt. it made me susceptible to being groomed and abused in relationships. not to sound insensitive, but i sometimes feel like i experienced CSA because my symptoms are so similar but i didn't, i "just" watched gang rapes aged 13. i'm still struggling with it and i feel disgusted by myself. i just wish there was someone telling me what i am doing to myself, 15 years ago there was basically no awareness about this issue. thankfully i am now in a safe relationship, i try really hard to avoid porn and i will definitely never participate in harmful sexual practices anymore. radical feminism really helped me with this. though i could never bring myself to talk about this with a therapist, i probably should. have any of you adressed this in therapy?
When I was around 8 years old my best friend was a little bit older than me, and she had a friend the same age as her we would hang out with occasionally. There was one day her friend was over and asked us if we knew what tits were, and then typed it in to google to show us. This was the first time I’d seen any pictures like this, and it was scary and exciting at the same time. We started looking at more things and eventually she suggested we try it so we would see things and try to act it out, and became very focused on our bodies. After that day almost every time I saw my friend it involved looking at porn.
At the time it was thrilling because it felt like this hidden thing I wasn’t supposed to know about, but I felt a lot of fear and guilt too. What we were doing felt wrong, and I felt like at any moment I would get into trouble.
Since I was afraid I wouldn’t really go on porn sites and would use Gaiaonline to meet people and roleplay, and find explicit accounts for images.
At some point my friend decided I was too young and immature to hang out with so it was just me discovering this stuff on my own.
I became very reserved and fearful. It was hard for me to be happy in my body, and I felt a deep sense of shame.
At some point I discovered new hobbies and interests and made new friends and felt safer. I worked really hard to do well in school and ended up taking high level courses. When I started high school I was taking a math course two grade levels above my grade, and ended up in the same class as the girl who originally showed me porn, and it broke me. She was outgoing, popular, a cheerleader, all things I wished I could be. It just kinda hurt seeing how someone who kickstarted a confusing and traumatizing time of my life was doing so well, while I was holding on to all this shame. As an adult I know she likely had some horrible trauma as well, and just handled it differently. I just feel like my childhood was ripped away.
It’s nice to see a thread like this, and know others have experienced similar. I’ve been through a lot of therapy but still sometimes feel that strong sense of shame, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this.
Oh lord this reminds me of what I went through at 6. This one is not a porn exposure story on my part, but I suspect that our neighbor's daughter might've been exposed to porn or maybe she was even traumatized sexually or something. Why do I think this is the case? Well, she kind of coerced me into sexual contact. She said she wanted to imitate a music video she saw or something and without knowing better I agreed. I was too scared and confused to back out of the situation. I felt filthy for at least a decade after that and developed problematic
habits like lying and getting into fights at school. I still haven't told my mom and it's been like what, 20 years? My family still thinks I was acting out because I was just a shitty child (and after me being a dumbass pathologically lying kid for almost a decade, I doubt they'd even believe me).
My porn exposure was gradual. I only became conscious of such a thing existing because the boys wouldn't shut the fuck up about it, not even in the first grade. Not only that, my best friend would say random disgusting sexual shit to me, probably because she was somehow traumatized or exposed too. At this point everything somehow began to associate with sex, just being alive felt dirty. First time I actually saw porn was when I was 10, it was at a friend's house. And the first time I watched porn for more than a minute was when I was 11. It was the culmination of my shame and I adapted a consumptive, raunchy and disrespectful attitude towards sex as a defense. I learned to "like" the idea of dealing and receiving disrespect. Getting into anime of course I ran into hentai and yaoi, which I feel like fucked my mind up even further. My first relationships in my teens were hypersexual because I thought that was normal and it was the only avenue of expression I had romantically, and it got me into so much bullshit. I was basically a porn addict by the time I was 18.
I only learned how to actually make love and be ok with myself after I made the conscious effort to distance myself from porn (I successfully quit). The first time I had sex with my husband I cried after, because I then knew I hadn't understood how vulnerable and beautiful sex could truly be. I still struggle with some trauma, bitterness and weltschmerz, but I'm ok.
Wtf I'm so sorry they tell that as a "funny story" to people??? That's horrible
Its so weird how some parents don't give a shit if their child sees porn or sexual shit in general. My parents used to watch porn in the fucking living room till I was like 7 or 8. I was already being groomed by a family friend but when I saw a blowjob on the living room tv when I was 6 I kept having nightmares about cannibals eating my brothers arms and shit. I was too little to comprehend what that lady was doing so my little kid brain interpreted it as some weird naked lady eating a guys wee-wee till my cousin (who was 9) told me what a bj was. Then the nightmares stopped lol.
How common is that shit? I met a few other ppl who's parents watched porn out in the open/left it out in the open any other anons had shit families like that?
Reading this broke my heart. Absolutely nobody should have gone what you went through. Like >>937384
said, I really do hope you’re able to heal from this. Please stay strong. <3
This reminded me of something. My family members have been creepy to me, too.
My uncle actually got in trouble for owning teen porn once (this was VERY long ago), and I remember one time when I was a tween and my breasts were starting to grow in, he commented on how big they were getting. That made me so uncomfortable that I cried when it happened.
Another time when I was a tween, my aunt told a family member of mine that I was open about masturbating with her. She had/has a huge lying problem, so thankfully my family knew she was lying, but still.
There’s probably a lot more I’m forgetting since a lot of my family members have always been very sexual people (the polar opposite of me). Those two instances have always stuck with me, though.
>>937369>whats appealing about futa to you?
honestly? i've always had pretty bad penis envy. I used to be really scared of sex and penetration in general, even my own fingers, so futa seemed "safer" maybe? I wanted to be the one with the power. I also like how futas are generally depicted as super horny sex beasts that can barely control their libido and cum from the lightest touch, very different from myself.
>i have no idea why scrotes like it
me either. I don't understand it from a male point of view. I know everyone jokes that traps and futa are gay but I really don't know where I stand on that because I consider myself straight and I love futa lol.
>is it a bisexual thing?
I've always been unsure if I'm actually bisexual. I don't find 3d people attractive at all unless I love them, and I haven't loved a girl since I was a teenager. and even back then my fantasies were of fucking her with a real dick, not a strap-on, which obviously is impossible. so I'm pretty sure I'm a straight woman and that my interest in futa is projection. I wish I were the futa, basically.
My brother told me about porn when I was 9 and we would watch hentai together. From like 9-12 I watched a bunch of hentai and would also ERP, bragging to friends that I was such a pervert and how I was totally more mature cause I watched adult stuff. I didn't start masturbating till I was older though. Like I wasn't ever aroused by the hentai, it was just funny and taboo I guess. When I was 12 on tumblr I got into the ddlg scene and I think that's permanently effected my kinks now. I'm ashamed with myself, but I feel like I don't know how to have sex and not involve some sort of rape/"little space"/choke me aspect. I stopped watching porn a year ago but the few times I've relapsed I cum super fast, and I feel guilty after. It makes me feel like I'm broken without porn. Like I've permanently wired my sexuality to be controlled by porn. I definitely believe I'm sexually "broken" in some way because of the early exposure, even if it's not "that bad" compared to others.
When I was 16, I was in terrible need of attention, for some reason. I guess I just had teen girl disorder. But I posted nudes on 4chan. I really didn't care about the fact they might "come back to haunt me" because everyday I thought about suicide. I ended up getting into an online relationship with this 21 year old and it was just purely me sending him nudes. I get so mad because I truly did it to myself. I have no one else to blame but myself. When you're a kid, you don't think your actions will affect your adult self, because you assume you'll "have it all together" or change by then. But your childhood habits continue into adulthood.
I guess I wonder what are the steps to healthy sex after early porn exposure. But the topic is heavily debated. Some claim CNC is a healthy coping mechanism, but that's not what goes through my head when I participate in it. Some may say porn is actually good for sexuality, but it goes against my ethics. I'd hate to go to therapy to talk about sex. I feel like I think about sex so much, talking about it would just put it on my mind more. It's not even a matter of "get off the internet", sex is in my real life. Sometimes I feel like my only value is sex.
Sorry for rant, I'll go to bed now.
> played runescape at age 7, had an online boyfriend who claimed to be 13.
> we had cyber sex numerous times
> began playing flash games, introduced by my brother and his friend. my brother is 3 years older than me, his friend 9 years older…
> orgasm girl, franks adventure, sex-kitten sim date, etc…
> at this point for some reason i began to lie about my age and i pretended to be 13. i e-dated another boy at this age who i never had sex with.
> the older ``friend`` introduces me to one of his pedo friends who i end up having a several month long e-dating relationship with. said friend was 33.
> i didnt have a way of sending him pictures of myself to him since it was only 2005 or so but he knew how young i was because everyone told him. my brother, the older friend, everyone knew i was dating a 33 year old man and did nothing.
> conversations were always sexual, i always felt aroused while talking to him and i was 8. some part of me knew it was wrong but he was always so persistent. i recall him telling me to take off my underwear when our computer was in the living room. i lied and said that i did. i remember he tried to convince me telepathy was real and he was trying to send me dirty thoughts telepathically… he also tried to teach me how to masturbate but ofc i could never do it since i was in the living room.
> he & i move apart somehow. i don't think we really broke up but i still had him on msn
> he used to always have photos of ``himself`` on msn. one day he had a photo of himself shirtless and i looked at him and had a really bad feeling for some reason - like i knew something was wrong. i blocked him and we never spoke ever again. i was 9 years old.
> i was still corrupted by him. playing lots of hentai flash games and looking at pornography. there was this one website i remember (down now but accessible through archive.org) it was one of the first times i saw people having sex online and i kept going back to it. i managed to recall the name of the site a month ago and saw the archived images and it looks so seedy. i wonder if it was consensual and i wonder if the women in those photos regret being in those shoots.
> i get molested irl. unrelated to the online stuff.
> i was incredibly sexual still, i had learned how to masturbate the year before, i took a liking to reading erotica online. quizilla and fanfiction lol.
> these experiences groomed me into thinking that i need a man, and i like older men. 16 year old boy? instantly hot because older = hot. older boys were my fetish.
> get groomed into a christian cult where i learn sex = big bad. i became a split person, extremely horny and sexual online/in private/chatrooms/games while hiding my eyes whenever people smacked lips in movies…
> christian cult tells me that the illuminati is very bad and symbolism is everywhere
> i begin watching this old youtuber who i had a crush because 9 years older was my sweet spot for whatever reason. turns out that he also believes in the illuminati and how bad it is and appears to be a christian. he also promotes non-satanic underground music which i begin to listen to and love.
> i begin to talk to him in youtube PM (which i can't even retrieve anymore) where i tell him how much i appreciate his videos, the steps im taking to prevent satanic influence, the music i love, etc.
> i lied about my age but eventually tell him i'm almost 14.
> he tells me that i'm really mature for my age. /eyeroll we begin talking everyday. i become obsessed with him. he is my world. i remember my heart skipping a thousand beats when i got home from school to see he had replied to my pm.
> he tells me the world is gonna end in 2012 due to the illuminati symbolism growing more and more intense. i'm scared shitless because im 14 and no one told me to think critically since i didn't even realize i was in a cult at the time.
> he says that he wants to meet me because he is in love with me and he's never met anyone as smart and as beautiful as me. he says we were made for each other. we have the same interests too outside of illuminati and music by coincidence so i feel like its true.
> we talk all the time, call on skype, etc. i frantically calculate his timezone clock when im at school so i know when he'll be awake, etc. he was my world. even writing this i can't believe i was the same person.
> he tells me he bought a ticket, we meet… he rapes me.
> i remember a bad feeling but i didn't understand it was rape because i loved him and the world was going to end so i was glad that i was able to do the right thing.
> this guy actually kills two birds with one stone and fucks another from my country.
> this turns the confusion and pain i had after the rape into anger which i channel towards the other woman…
> because of this i am even more emotionally stunted in regards to sex than i was before. i become cold and heartless - rejecting boys' advances towards me.
> i shrivel up when boys try to touch me. but … i can still watch porn and get off to it… any real non-imaginary touch causes this reaction
> i dont trust men, but when i was 18 i dated a boy (a narcissist) i thought i liked because he seemed to know what he was doing. i wanted to live for his approval
> but when he touched me i would shiver, tear up, shake. holding hands = ok, touch my neck while kissing, NO. obviously no sex.
> but he has needs so he makes me strip for him, have phone sex with him even though i was so uncomfortable, but i was groomed into thinking this was my purpose in a relationship. he pressures me in multiple ways until i finally crack and end the relationship.
> next two relationships are an improvement but no sex.
> lose consensual virginity at 21, i am somewhat healed by this point but my kinks are so degenerate and corrupt, forever tainted by my experiences as a kid/teen. even after not watching porn for a year and having vanilla sex with my boyfriend i still have these desires.
sorry if this was long, when i started writing it just kept going. ive never told anyone the full story before although the exes who had to deal with me crying if i was touched in certain areas were told some of it.
i hope to anyone reading this who struggled like i did, you will get better. you may not heal completely (as i have not) but i'm nothing like the person i was as a children. i was broken. i felt like i never would be healed. there are still scars but it's not something that bleeds into my everyday life. i'm fiercely independent now, my life no longer revolves around abusive men. in fact, i see myself as an equal in relationships, unless they give me reason to think they're below me, then i break up with them without turning back. even though this all happened to me, they're just pieces of my past which have little bearing on the present.
except for my degenerate kinks, that's the only issue i still have but it's so minor compared to how codependent i used to be.
>Grew up seeing lewd "comedy" movies (ugly old men with perfect half naked ladies, you know the genre), very popular and considered funny in my country
>Parents are too open about their sex life
>I start masturbating at 5, before I even knew what masturbation meant
>Get internet at some point around 8/10 years old, I look up "sex" (but not actual porn sites because I've always been horny), at the same time my teenage brother starts touching, groping, showing me his dick and stuff like that
>I roam forums for some years and in my early teens I find out about some forums where people share porn videos or gifs, I start getting off to that
>Go down the anime route, watch some hentai, then switch to yaoi and bl
>Particularly interested in shota (I know, I'm sorry, but I was a kid and I kinda self-inserted)
>Find pornhub while looking for a shota ova (you know the one)
>A few looks from time to time turn into full blown porn addiction (from 15 to now)
All this happened while being a literal virgin. I find it almost funny that I started knowing about sex and porn when I was a child but then I remained a sexually repressed ugly retard in real life. Nowdays I don't see the porn thing as a problem because I've seen and consumed so much of it that it's "normal" to me, and it has been my way to explore sexuality, which I couldn't do because I'm a retard and my parents were also extremely strict and mentally ill. With time I've come to appreciate "softer" and "healthier" depictions of love and sex in forms of drawings that don't harm anyone, and I feel like that's a bit better. All this has fucked with me though, because relationships to me are just two people agreeing to fuck or a man using a woman as a fleshlight and I have trouble seeing them as anything more.
NTA but I can see how a little girl could end up liking shota and considering it normal. When I was in 6th grade, I've read a manga (called something like "today in class 6A" or something) that was about a bunch of 12 year old kids. It was a slice of life comedy, however with pedo tendencies (the girls were sexualised). I remember thinking THEN that it's okay cause I'm the same age and that the comic depicts growing up, so it's natural that kind of stuff comes up. So if some kid starts watching hentai, it's not impossible for me to imagine them applying the similar logic on shota characters ("it's fine for me to crush on kids my age, so it's also fine to watch porn with them").>but a degenerate adult drew that!
I know, anon, I know. That realization was beyond my thinking when I was a tween.
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Not to be a libtard, but this is why children under 13 should be off the internet/ be only kept on it in the condition of strict parental supervision. It seems that younger (lonely. understandably stupid) children love orbiting faux pedo-proof social media sites like discord, twitter etc. Additionally, parents also need to get their fat assess off it too to lead an example for their children. Lastly, they should hold their older kids accountable for what they teach/expose their younger siblings to. Not to judge your parents or anything but this definitely comes across as irresponsible parenting to me, as they could have done something to avert this trauma or help you bounce back from it. Anyways, I'm glad you learned how to be free of the shackles of codependency and proud of you for slowly re-learning how to be in a healthy relationship. ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ(emote)
That has nothing to do with being a "libtard". Kids really need more restrictions and supervision, but many parents are shit or clueless.
Don't use emojis though.
My bad, meant to say extreme conservative but lost the word
sage for typo
>>947050> I don't want to be a victim of hidden camera porn
I have a fear of this too. I used to watch any old random clips on ph before they got stricter about content. So much of it was hidden cam stuff that seemed very genuine. I was a teen and painfully unaware of the fact that yes ph was allowing actual revenge porn on there with no attempts made to even pretend it wasn't that.
For the first time in years now I've met a guy I'm attracted to but even when fantasizing about something happening between us.. I go into panic mode about how scrotes film their encounters and share them online no matter how shitty it is to watch far away filmed scenes from a hidden cam sitting on a shelf somewhere. A quick scan of the room might not even be enough to spot it.