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Last thread: >>323357
Release your inhibitions. Feel the rain on your skin.
youre still young its understandable. ive been in a long term relationship with a guy after many years of only being with women. through high school and some years after i was exclusively with a woman and thought that that was the only thing i wanted but we change over time. my sister is a big ol butch lesbian for as long as i could remember but she still got knocked up and had a fling with a guy for a few months.
try not to get too hard on yourself.
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Seems like I am totally out of date and obsolete to my old friends now. Nothing.
I'm not actually mad at you or judging you but I've gotta be honest, it does annoy me when women who previously said they were lesbians turn around and say "Actually I think men are hot!"
I know sometimes people get confused and mislabel themselves and it can't be helped, they're not doing it on purpose. It's just irritating because men already have this delusion that lesbians secretly crave dick, and I know whenever men see some girl who just got confused and didn't realize she wasn't really gay, they think "I knew it! All lesbians really do want men!"
I only get actually angry at the girls themselves when they still go around calling themselves lesbians while happily dating and fucking men though. Those women are so fucking annoying.
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My sleeps all fucked up and has been for years. I worry about it so much that maybe the anxiety is what's been making it worse, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also, every time I lay in bed my mind starts to ruminate on dead horses (past relationships, my fears and insecurities) that I end up staying awake for another couple of hours. The only way I can distract myself is browsing online, which probably furthers my problem too but I don't know what else I can do at this point. My eyes always feel so tired, and they look ill, and I fear my hair is thinning.
Yikes I'm so sorry anon. I've heard horror stories with IUDs so I never got one (just had a tubal ligation last month).
If it keeps up I'd definitely go back to the doctor. I'm not sure what the normal healing time is, but if its longer than that you should look into it
>>331986>how do you manage to get over the trauma
It's about deconstructing the behavior of your parents and realizing that their mannerisms aren't innately inside you too just because you have their blood.
You have to understand and define what you went through. It's helped me heal and realize that just because I was witness to fucked up shit doesn't mean I don't deserve nice relationships and things.
I grew up a sensitive child because I was often expected to meet the emotional needs of my narcissistic mother while behaving perfectly under the watch of my selfish father who couldn't be had with the inconveniences of a child such as crying or needing attention. Even though they had been divorced since I was a baby, I was often caught up in their proxy wars against each other and witnessed a lot of fighting and emotional abuse. Even when they'd get new partners, I caught on to situations where I knew it signaled their relationships weren't going smoothly.
But what did I know then? I assumed it was normal for families to be having these nasty fights behind the scenes and to treat their children in the way I was being treated (and if they didn't well then maybe that indicated those children were spoilt or something).
It wasn't until my early 20s that I realized I had a fucked family dynamic and I literally recall saying "Oh shit."
I haven't had my biological father in the picture since I was a preteen, but my mom is still a major issue and I always have to caution whoever it is I'm dating if I'm serious about them. Especially if I intend to introduce them to her. She's extremely toxic.
But it's helped to recognize her impact she has on my decisions and feelings. Sometimes when I feel insecurities building inside me (that she so graciously imprinted onto me), I just remember where those feelings originate and how they're not a reflection of the healthy reality I'm trying to lead.
I'm not sure if what I'm saying is all that helpful, I know it's different for everyone and I certainly wish you the best anon.
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Apparently I've wasted six months of my year visa because I was waiting for them to send me papers saying I could work.
Apparently they failed to tell me that my visa starts the day I sent the application, even though I didn't hear from them during those six months and was told I could not legally work.
Apparently they failed to mention that I could receive a special stamp that signifys I could work while I was waiting but there is zero information about this anywhere on any official government site.
I am so full of fucking rage and sadness I am literally out of tears. I wasted six months being depressed out of my fucking mind because they failed to mention any of this information to me. I am truly fucked lol
Unfortunately counseling/therapy and reading self-help books seem to be the way to go
Personally I have been trying to look at ACOA books because my dad is an alcoholic and my mother is his enabler
I was considering that but I think I'm just truly fucked. None of the visa options apply to me because I'm not an EU resident and I highly highly doubt I could be considered a skilled worker (need to make at least €3,300 per month).
The woman on the phone just said "sorry for the inconvenience" about the fact that I literally wasted six months of my fucking life waiting for them to process my application.
Lol now I feel like crying again fuck. I just wish I was successful and could fucking move here. I want to pay taxes, I want to work, I'm learning the language and culture.
My own home country treats the immigrants, legal or not, better than the fucking citizens so I'm fucked when I go back too.
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my portfolio for art school is due in january and i don't have shit yet.
But I haven't done finished works in years and all this information on how to make a good portfolio is just messing with my head and blocking me up even more.
And I know that art is my calling and deep inside it's the thing I love and enjoy the most but it also feels like I just don't care or don't have the capacity anymore due to some self inflicted brain damage from being so depressed for all these years. Still I technically draw all the time, just without any passion or focus.
worst thing is I'm a neet and I have nobody to consult about it plus my mom is giving me money to get art supplies and they're just sitting here which makes me feel so guilty. Idk just what to do if things don't work out somehow.
just look at it a different way, instead of worrying about it, turn it into something for you. if you have guidelines/requirements for what needs to be in it, take those and instead make them prompts for a piece. i guess it depends on what kind of art, but even add some of those randomly generated prompts into the mix.
sorry if this isn't helpful, but i did this with my graphic design mock portfolio and it was easier to make it like a game. what kind of art do you make? i had to do a lot of dumb logos and crap and me and my friends made up a bunch of stupid fake company backstories for me to work with, made it quite fun.
It's for fine art and animation and there aren't any real guidelines besides that there should be 10 paintings and around 20 sketches.
There should also be an underlaying theme to it. (thought about ecosysthems and the coexistence of things) but I'll try the random prompt thing!!>>332066
You're right. Letting this out made me feel a little bit calmer. I think it's doable, and somehow it will work out…
thank you, anons!
yeah honestly that's why I feel kinda shitty about it, I feel like I'm confirming the stereotype of lesbians actually wanting dick when obviously that's not true. I spent a while in lesbian circles and the last thing I would want to do is cause harm to them! (Luckily not many people knew about my sexuality in high school at least?)
My close friends who are lesbians told me they understood sometimes you just don't have it all figured out but damn I do kinda feel like I'm letting them down lol
I guess I just wish there was less of a pressure for teenagers to label themselves sexuality wise, because looking back I was probably just a really late bloomer sexually compared to most people. Spending a lot of time on tumblr as a teen definitely didn't help either
i think that is what gets me. kids are expected to have their sexuality figured out while they are still developing and understanding themselves.
i do feel bad that lesbians get a bad rap because of silly college flings or porn. but i wish on a whole we could start affording kids and teenagers to really discover themselves without having to place them with a lifelong label.
This guy won't leave me alone. First he makes me feel like shit but right before he gets to be too harsh, he'd fucking adore me, say how i am such a goddamn icon and amazing. We were friends for about 3 years, maybe less. He knew of me before I knew him and there always was this weird…vibe to him? Like it felt like having an actual fanboy? He latched onto me, I liked it ngl, like wow mY oWn GaY bFf.
He hated all my other friends except for a few, straight up told me to never mention them due to him NOT GIVING A FUCK. I felt so trapped in a way, even tho i still hung out with my other friends, but group things never worked out due to this guy getting pissy about everything.
He started a new fancy job, got fancier friends and got way cockier. Like toxic levels of cockiness, made me feel so shitty about my skills in the same field. Got sick of his bs, and told him to cut the shit, he wasn't so perfect and he needed to stop talking about others like they were dirt. He just…took it? But after a while, he got busier and busier. I started school again and got busier, felt happier and lighter.
HALF A YEAR GOES BY, people keep asking about him, I keep telling that there was no fight bc there wasn't. But everybody kept saying how toxic he seemed and i told about everything from him being an asshole to him gaslighting me. Now he fucking messaged me, wants to hang out. Why. The. Fuck. If i am so fucking shitty, why the hell do you wanna hang out?
original iud anon here, thanks for the support/suggestions anons! the pain has subsided quite a bit, and heavy-ish but normal bleeding has started. the worst of it is probably over.
and yeah, i'd much rather suffer iud cramps than experience pregnancy/giving birth lol
You are wasting your mental energy on this. Every single living organism ages and dies. It's inescapable. Fucking enjoy your life, Christ.
Also carrying around this negative shit will show on your face and attitude whether you realize it or not, and it's an ugly look. And you don't want to be ugly, anything but that, right anon?!
I used to be like you, I'm now in my late 20s btw, and seeing so many older people (40+) both women and men trying to look half their age by dressing inappropriately made me rethink my stance on aging.
I can see why in this day and age of narcissism people would want to prolong their youth. But if you reach an older age and the only thing you can concern yourself is looks, then you have a bigger problem. When you age, you should have a good amount of experience and skills to be proud of. The maturity that hopefully comes with age should trump being attractive.
I don't mean by that elder people should abandon sense of style or stop caring about looks, but the fashion sense and self care should be age appropriate.
tbh I'm disgusted by people that are so obsessed with looks that they go through cosmetic surgeries, are thirsty for attention from strangers and seek validation through dressing like a cheap prostitute/gigolo.
This is such a petty vent, but it has been bothering me for months. There is this woman in my friend group who tries incredibly hard to be perceived as this adorable smol bean, often citing that she’s so much younger than the rest of the group (she’s 21, the oldest person in our group is 24) and constantly posting selfies in the group chat posing like a wittle anime girl always with the caption “call me cute!” Or “aren’t I adorable?” Didn’t really care all that much, because she was fun to goof around with and she’s been like this for some time now. My main beef I have with her is that she’s obsessed with one of the guys in our group. Her entire personality changed, this smol bean persona has ramped up to a million, and everything she does is for her precious daddy. She tries incredibly hard to garner his attention, pretending to be interested in literally everything he is into, trying very hard to come off as a perfect waifu by cooking for him and buying his parents presents (meanwhile she don’t do any of that for anyone else in the group) and spending a ton of money of her object of affection constantly buying him gifts, food, etc. What’s worse is it’s painfully obvious that he was already hooking up with someone else in our friend group. She has to know this, considering she is always trying to undermine bitch-Chan and her precious daddy’s relationship. Claiming that her other friends think that bitch-Chan and precious daddy are just cousins and that precious daddy is dating smol bean and it’s a perfect super obvious relationship. She has tried to reason the fact that the reason precious daddy and bitch-Chan slept in the same bed at a party is because “they’re good platonic friends uwu.” I just wish those two fuckers would come out with it already so I wouldn’t have to endure Smol Bean going on for hours about her precious daddy when we hang out. I just want my damn cringy friend back!!! Goddammit!!
Everytime I scroll past this picture all I hear in my head is "you've hee'd your last haw" and I havent a fucking clue why.
Yeah i'll go now.
Anon i just left a really hard situation. My boyfriend is 30 and obsessed with video games. He plays all day every day instead of doing shit with his life. He has no real life friends or anything. When we first started dating i told him i wasnt a fan of that and would help him to not play so much so he could better himself and live a more normal life. Overtime however, I got roped into playing the games as well and while it would have been fun if it was an occasional thing, nothing serious, it became like..he wanted me to spend hours and hours day in and day out practicing. This went on for two years. The constant pressure. Him treating me like shit when i didnt play well or wasnt interested or couldnt focus on it. Making me feel stupid. He would legit get upset with me and make me cry and then laugh and say I was being ridiculous. And if i was into a game, like i was with hearthstone for a long time, he'd ruin it because he'd constantly be judging me and making me feel stupid that i wasnt playing to his satisfaction. Even when we werent living together(the relationship was originally long distance and I recently came back to my own country) he constantly pressured me to spend all day any day i didnt work, and even after i got home from work. And for months and months id do it because i didnt want him to leave me. He'd still accuse me of not playing at all. Which was bullshit. I just broke it off the last month, because i couldnt handle it among other things. He has autism and Im pretty sure its one of the contributing reasons he was so obsessive about it, but its not my responsibility to deal with that shit for the rest of my life. If you enjoy playing, thats good and you should continue, but never let your bf or anyone else ruin it for you or force you to be more serious about it than you are. Its a fucking game.
I actually don't hate men, but the ones we get here are so dumb, narcissistic and transparent, it certainly isn't making my love grow.
They just go round and round in circes saying the same stupid stuff. Never listening or growing. Like a really dumb pointless robot.
same. I hate both the scrots and the farmers replying to them because there's only so much mods can do.
I hate the petty, misogynistic narrative being posted in threads and then being kept alive. The reason why I come on lolcow even though I'm not into gossip, k-pop, or even makeup and what's considered "girly" stuff is because there's something relaxing about being on a site where most posters are women and having discussions that are not centered around baby talk or marriage.
The manosphere has found its way on most of the internet, so you can find redpill diarrhea being posted in places you wouldn't expect, heavy misogynistic rants that seem to have massive upvotes/thumbs up/claps etc. and it was so nice to have a place where male posting was against the rules. It used to be a like a dash of fresh air. Even with infighting, nitpicking, and so on none of it is close to the hatred against women that's palpable from incels' posts. The passive aggressiveness of baby or ovary related talks, or straight up posting gore images or CP thinking it will do any good.
We need to make a lolcow chat forum with HEAVY moderation. They obviously are googling stuff about man hate and penis' and finding this site.
Or go to war and post stuff about kittens and periods on every thread until they fuck off. 500 comment thread where we break down every ingredient in our favorite mascara.
>>332973> We need to make a lolcow chat forum with HEAVY moderation.
This. Or just create a new place accessed only with an invitation.
> Or go to war and post stuff about kittens and periods on every thread until they fuck off. 500 comment thread where we break down every ingredient in our favorite mascara.
Yeah, but we'd be stooping on their level and continuing the vicious circle. The problem is not just them, it's also other anons that despite warnings and pleas continue to engage in discussions with them. They feed on replies and the response they get.
One of those raiding retards posted a link here to an imageboard where they had a thread about this site and some of the posts stated how they liked the reaction and enjoyed it.
If they clearly get a satisfaction from getting any response then why give it to them? They won't change their mind. They won't stop hating us. There's no point at all.
Only a few anons who know each other, probably through voice chat would be able to invite other anons that they trust are indeed women. The anon inviting is responsible for all others under her invitation. So, the moment someone is clearly a man, the anon that invited him gets a warning, the second time the anon and all under her or him get a ban.
The site would have no SEO, so no google search or image search could lead to the site. It would be a closed community of anons discussing whatever they like, without men.
There would be a trust-o-meter, like an upvote system where you could vouch for other anon's trustiness so they could get access to other forum tiers, like steam community, or a chat, or some cool exclusive torrents and stuff like that.
It might sound strict but I don't see any other way of making sure that we don't have guys invading the little internet space we've got. I just want a break from all the red pill and incels and to get off my fucking back when I just want to chill.
I only want an internet tree-house for us. I don't know how many other anons would be interested to join such a place because having only two of us posting on a super secret site wouldn't be fun either.
(long but I need to vent haha)
I'm a whole adult.
I've been with my guy for years and he has a few "feminine" habits(likes to shave, long hairbut I've always thought about what it would be like with a woman.
When growing up I thought I was straight until one day around the year after secondary school, was doing evening classes to get some grades up before I signed up for.college,
I had this cute girl in my class she looked like one of those popular girl she had the cutest round face, luscious dark skin, beautiful brown eyes and a body I'd kill for.
She was SO nice to me, I didn't understand why cause I was like..soft Butch goth girl back then who was into video games.
We were both young adults but she was already working and I'm fresh out of school. Then I met my current guy and we have been together since.
But I always think back about her. I find her so beautiful, I really wanted to kiss her.
Even before her, I was now in the senior years in school, (all girls school) our school had the lesbians as the popular cool girls, they did sports and we're just popular.
One girl in my technical drawing class, she wasn't the school popular lesbian but she was just a popular girl in general, I was also lame and a band geek and got teased alot.
This girl was completely different than the other girl. She approached me she has short curly hair, bright hazel/greeb eyes, very light skin and much taller than me.
She just eventually started sitting next to me in class. Gaze up at me asking me so much question about myself or what I like. It was werid cause when popular ppl talked to.me, it was usually a plan to humiliate me for kicks.
But she didn't do that after a few months, she even stopped ppl from teasing me so she can talk to me
At the end of the year she gave me a white fluffy teddy bear and told.me never to dump it. (Dead serious she was)
The entire school bus home thought it was a man who gave me but.it was her. I still have the bear after year and years.
Those are my two female crusehes in my life.
I'm attracted to my current guy but if j was single I would be open to date women too…but I will never know cause I'm faithful and I sometimes wish I explored my sexuality more. I just thought I straight but this has been in the back of my mind for ages…
Don't wanna claim bi tho…since I never been with a woman… But I always wonder where those two are and if they are okay.
currently having a mental breakdown so this is probably gonna sound completely incoherent but man do I just wanna fucking move away, drop out of uni and live on a deserted island.
No matter what I do, everything goes wrong. I kind of deserve it because I hate myself so fucking much that I understand why my friends treat me like shit. I'm such a loud, hyperactive, obnoxious, insecure piece of shit. At the same time I can't help but pity myself. I try so damn hard and put my heart and soul inte friendships and my studies but my mental state is so fucking fragile, that any inconvenience completely wrecks me and makes me fail at everything.
It's so unfair. It's so unfair that I had to go through severe depression when I was little kid, cause that shit doesn't leave you. No matter how many anti-depressants, depression will never leave you once you've experienced it. Depression makes you a shell of what you used to be. All that is left of me is a mentally unstable, passionless, insecure little piece of shit. I hate myself so much
I want this.
I just wanna connect with women. The internet is just male dominated like everywhere else. I just wanna be around women..
Thank you! It's good to know there's a small number of us that like the idea. I will work on it over the holidays because atm I don't have much time. Even if there will be just a few of us, at least it will be comfy.>>333214
Well, there's the voice verification like this anon pointed out >>333178
But yes, you're correct. Hopefully, a forum, not an imageboard, with a more strict moderation + voice verification will be enough to minimize the number of men raiding our spaces. I really like lolcow, and I'll continue using it regardless but all these incels overflowing the front page with their recognizable posts are tedious. You hide one thread, soon after you need to hide three more. This isn't to blame the mods but obviously, these incels have too much time on their hands and will just shitpost out of boredom when all they have to do is reply without being verrified in any way.
It's cool that you are serious about this anon.
How/where would you announce the board when it's finished? I wouldn't want to miss it.
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I put my pet cat of 14 years down this morning. I'd had him since he was a newborn, he was from a litter my big brother's cat gave birth to. He was actually born the day after my birthday. I cried a lot more than I expected to, but it was just so hard to say goodbye to him. I was also sad to see him go the way he did, he suddenly became horribly ill the two or three days, he stopped eating, started vomiting a lot, became lethargic and today when I took him in he was practically unresponsive to any kind of stimulation. The vet said they could run a bunch of tests and that I'd likely have to take him to emergency but that it didn't look good, with him being so severly ill and elderly. I knew it was pointless, so I told them to put him down.
I've never had to put a pet down before, I was there with him and pet him as they injected him. I don't know if he knew I was even there, but I put my face down on his stomach one last time and kept petting him and I just sobbed. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but he was like a little baby to me. I even said out loud 'oh, my little baby' while I was crying, I didn't want to leave him, but I knew I had to. I started crying again now thinking about it … I just miss him a lot, and I'm going to miss cuddling with him and how jealous he'd get if I pet my other cat and not him, how he'd meow and demand his share of attention. I loved him a lot, and I had him since I was in 5th grade.
None of what you've said here is ridiculous. You loved him, and he was well-loved right until the end.
I'm really sorry for your loss, anon. Stay strong and thank you for sharing your story.
hey anon. i'm glad you got to be with him. i recently had to put my cat down too, but it was so sudden, i couldn't be there for it. i had him since i was three, and he was 16 years old.
i'm sure he knew you were there, because it really is just like going to sleep, and appreciated it as much as a cat can.
I'm sorry, anon. Losing a pet is never easy, and it's even harder when it's one you've cared for their whole life.
I think even if your cat was kind of out of it, on some level he probably understood you were there with him and felt comforted by it. Even if it was just on an instinctual level, he could smell and hear and feel you beside him, and I'm sure that was soothing and comforting to him.
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I slept with a coworker I’ve only known for a month and now I lowkey or maybe highkey regret it. We get along and there was mad sexual tensions going on every time we worked together so it felt natural that we were going to hook up at some point. I just didn’t think it would happen so quickly.
We didn’t really talk about it or set up any type of rules. After we hooked up for the second time and we both said we wanted to continue we agreed on staying friends with benefits for now. It felt right at first because he kept treating me like he always did. But now I’m starting to feel like he’s keeping me at a distance at work and I’m worried it’s because I did something wrong without knowing.
I get jealous of other people too and it makes me feel so childish. Last night when we all went out for drinks after our shift one of the girls kept asking about our relationship and if we were only friends with benefits or something more. When we both responded with ”we’re only fwbs” she started clinging to him and telling me stuff like ”he’s actually kind of cute now that I’m drunk” even though she’s told me several times that she’s interested in someone else. I got mad jealous and just had a really bad time all night.
It feels unfair for me to get jealous when we’re not exclusive in any way and we never agreed on not seeing other people. I know I have no right to hold him back just because I’m an insecure attention hungry bitch that wants him for myself. I don’t know if he ONLY wants me as a fuck buddy after work or if it’s okay for us to like go on dates every once and a while or just hang out. I don’t even know if he’s seeing other girls. I’m starting to think I’m just not cut out for this type of relationship but I’m worried that if I break it off now he won’t want to see me again even as friends. It feels like we both just kind of fell into this because we get along and we’re attracted to each other but neither of us know how it works and we’re not comfortable talking about it. Idk, something just doesn’t feel right.
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Yet another year of being a kissless virgin will soon begin.
The "just wait for the right person" won't happen, I'm sure. My circles are quite hermetic, and going out never resulted in meeting someone new. I don't even want a boyfriend tbh, I just want… an experience, I guess?
I feel like I missed out on those young stupid relationships and it hindered my growth as a person. Like I feel the need to go through a silly relationship… and people my age are getting engaged or pregnant.
I'm like a love retard, really.
I regret being such a moralfag and rejecting boys just because I didn't feel anything for them. Now I think I should have been like okay let's try it, even if we would break up in a month. I wouldn't feel such a pressure now, wouldn't be so fucking awkward around guys (maybe), wouldn't be so embarrassed…
How is it to hold one's hand? How do you kiss? Does it feel nice or just wet and weird? What is it like to be in love, what do you feel when your person embraces you in their sleep?
Yeah, I'm in one of those moods.
Maybe I should just sign up for Tinder lol. I even downloaded it but they spooked me with asking for my phone number.
I used OkCupid since it's less "invasive" than Tinder, but it's not used much in my country. I enjoyed talking with guys from all around the globe but for an English exercise rather than out of interest. But yeah. Maybe it's time to sell my number to Tinder>>333646>You just want to be like every normie so you can fit in, and what's the point of that?
I don't know, having a normal life? Of course I'd rather want that than being a lonely miserable person. Why are you assuming guys would pretend
to care about me? It's not about seeing myself as this or that, I just want to experience love and relationship.
This is a bad time for dating right now, I suggest looking up the terms "fuckboy" "ghosting" and "breadcrumbing". Most guys just want sex and they will lie amd cheat to get it. If you are looking for "love", dating sites are not the way. Become friends with guys in real life and see what develops over time.
People are too disassociated from reality at the moment to even feel guilt from their actions. They think dating sites are ways to order free sex to their house at their convenience.
I used to be like you. Look for guys in real life and take it VERY slow. If you just want a hookup, use those sites.
You're an idiot. Have fun getting raped. >>333639
You're also an idiot.
Just joined a discord group 2 days ago and already feel like leaving again:
>my pronouns are … btw!
>lesbian energy, bi king, …
>I'm so short, you need to protecc me!
>I feel like a fetus y'all are so old
>I have asperger. Me too! Yeah, me as well!…
>Ew white! lol - haha - same,…
It's not even for kpop or anime fans, no it's for a metal band…
When did the time come when people no longer simply complained about their problems normally, but now instead always have 100s of diagnosises? Can't you just say "I'm nervous" instead of "Well, my therapist Jenny, she's awesome btw such a sweet girl, always hands me clay and it helps me sooo much. Btw I was diagnsed… years ago… Plus, I have [insert illness] as well."
Also, asssuming a guitarist must have autism, because he "obsesses" over playing guitar and is good at it…? Whenever somebody has any talent people try to paint them as gay and mentally ill, even if that's not the case at all, because afterall "normies and straights" could never…
I feel like there's no online community there I really fit in.
>>333935>if you aren't asian
it's still abnormal as fuck, and it would be less weird for anon to wear it because they expect that shit from foreigners.
the japanese will accept anon wearing it more than a chinese person.
idg lolita fags. i really don't. i know most of the users here came from /cgl/ and love that shit, but idgi. it's always so tacky and trashy and isn't even cute. the only way it can remotely be cute is if you incorporate small amounts of it into your outfits.
it also looks so uncomfortable and stupid tbh. the clothing and materials look so cheap, too. almost all ___ subculture clothing is insanely cheaply made/the fabrics look so cheap. idek how they're so salty about the fact that they can't embarrass themselves on the daily, add on to the fact that it's not convenient, functional, or comfortable.
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I’m fucking sperging because I’m forced to see my therapist from twice/wk to once/wk. I have the money, my mother just doesn’t approve me “wasting” my money. I don’t want to act childish, but part of me wants to get worse so she’ll feel bad. She probably won’t knowing that bitch. I’ll relapse again to fuck with her. I love and hate her. Inb4 BPDf@g.
I'm so fucking sick of seeing racist shit everywhere, they aren't original or thought provoking in anyway, it's just the same regurgitated crap>>334137
Nobody thinks it's pull or tumblr, we are just sick of seeing stupid ass /pol/ bait everywhere. Not everyone has the humor of a 13 year old or enjoys spewing racist garbage for laughs.
that happens to me too, and I believe schizophrenia runs in my family as well, but I'm also aware that I have a lot of repressed anger due to a mixture of letting people treat me badly over the years and hating myself.
Maybe you're experiencing something similar but you're not aware of it yet?
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Im so affraid of making friends now,because i always hate the feeling when that friendship ends either for the better or for the worse.I tend to be the nicest person i can be but it seems like i never made any impression on anyone…people never listens to me,they dont appreciate me and purposely left me out when they go out…Am i too demanding? Am i not good enough? I always ask myself those questions everytime when people do that
I'm in the same boat anon, except in our case it's his depression.
I know it's rough, but have you thought about taking a break and see how it goes?
If he hasn't committed to therapy by now he won't unless you cut him off, and even then, he might not. I agree with >>334384
to take a break and tell him if he doesn't seek therapy or other measures to improve his temper you won't get back together with him.
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I think my Christmas spirit has officially died. I feel nothing. Lights, trees, food, desserts, even gifts don't excite me. I feel so indifferent, might as well just sleep through new years eve haha.
is this what adulthood is like
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very stressed from cramming for exams and generalised future stuff, just want someone to play with my tiddies, recently realised they actually look kinda cute after hating having them for most of my life
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So…I got dumped again. (I'm the massage anon if anyone remembers lol, not that it matters)
Turns out yes he is very depressed and that he didn't have time because he's been volunteering at the local gym. He wants to become a pt and finally quit his shit job. But instead of telling me any of that he just decided to go silent, yey me. I'm heartbroken but so fucking pissed because in a sense I got led on for a whole fucking year and my Xmas is ruined this year again (he broke up with me least year at the same time). Not that I was expecting anything, but god fucking dammint I hate how he said he's "not feeling it" anymore. Yea moron, maybe because you talked yo me every 3 fucking days and only talked about yourself the whole time. Even now, during the breakup talk it was all about him, he did say he was sorry that he was neglecting me, but fuck, it's not that hard to show a bit of empathy, especially over text. Fuck him. Seriously, fuck him. I've stayed with him through the worst period of his life and now that he's trying to make it better I become obsolete. Fuck you dude and here I though I finally found someone who gives a shit but no.
Thank fuck I live in this tiny town where I can't get a job or make new friends without having connections or coming from a well off family. All I wanted in life was a place for myself and a single fucking person who cares, but no, can't have that.
I know it's not the end of the world but I'm so fucking mad that he got the "better" part of the deal. He made new friends and got closer to his family, is going to his dream university for his dream job and lives in my dream town. Meanwhile I have to wonder if I'll have enough money to support my abusive family because my parents decided to retire and they want to rely on me, even tho I'm 23 and don't have a stable job. Not to mention my manchild brother.
I just can't deal with this shit anymore. Fuck it all.
I really do feel for you anon, you deserve the opportunity to make new friends and move on from that asshole.
I was in a very similar situation two years ago, having been broken up with right before christmas. I still live in a tiny town struggling with travelling to uni for hours every day and not being able to make any friends. I promise though, being dependent on the affection of someone who just makes you feel bad all the time is much, much worse than struggling after a breakup, especially if you know he sucks.
I'm sorry to hear that :/
And yes, it does feel better, like a huge weight was lifted, also since it's not the first time it's not that bad. If I hadn't initiated the conversation he would've probably continued not talking to me for who knows how long. I hate that it had to end like this after everything but he'll be fine so I'm not too worried. I'm just so so so mad - been wondering how I'll fit into the new group and how to get along better with his parents, find a job that's closer to him so we can be together more often, but yea… no I have to figure out a new direction for myself…and send him his Xmas gift because I already bought everything. I'm just glad I didn't get him that tablet for 4k.
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Yay for loving your tiddies anon! I love mine too.
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he ghosted me for two months, but the other day i confronted him about something he did behind my back to get my attention, i knew it was him. nobody else knows my information like he does.
he was expecting it, since he unblocked me finally after weeks, and claimed i did something to him first. said he didnt expect me to react like that to what he did. blamed me for some other mishap in his life, but he only has himself to blame. hes the one exposing his information like that.
its like he tried to switch the topic because he knew he was in the wrong and wanted to play victim. im not having that shit.
after him claiming wanting to talk to me, he demied it again and said he doesnt want to talk under these circumstances.
hes always like this. his life has to be played out in a certain way, everything according to his one track plan and if it isnt how he envisioned it, he wont hesitate to fuck with your mind until hes got you in the place he wants you.
he needs to Die.
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I think I’ve ended up with a front row seat to some fandom drama cows. Not cosplayers but very much convention related.
>End mutuals with an older member of a small fandom by chance
>She seems like an ok person, married with grown kids
>Also active in the UK convention scene for decades, has met voice actors and guest stars and such
>Has spent a couple years writing a fic with another BNF and is growing to resent it, calling the character BNF is writing a “Gary Stu” self insert
>By BNF, this woman has a huge social media presence, regularly hosts panels about diversity and race in fandom, (for the record, BNF is black, Fandom Elder is white) has a podcast and a twitch, is starting to gain a foothold in the nerd industry
>Again, by fate or by chance they both follow me on social media so I can’t vent or worry about how BNF will go after Fandom Elder if she finds out she’s been shit talking her writing on discords she’s not a member of….
I see a shitstorm brewing from miles away if this gets out of hand, and idk if it can be avoided.
My mom told me my natural hair pattern was ugly lmao, what the fuck am I suppose to do? Constantly straighten it till I die?
Backstory: Once my mom stopped helping me with my hair. I wasn't even sure of how to take care of it, I used youtube as a guideline and that failed miserably since I didn't even know my hair pattern or porosity. Also most people from my country have looser hair than me, my own mother has pin straight hair. However I finally got my shit together in University though, learned how to do my hair but compared to my sisters my hair is shorter. I cut off a couple inches a year ago and now it's above my shoulder. My sisters have mid-back length 2c curls, my hair is 3c and obviously shorter.
It took me a long time to love my hair, I'm finally getting there and a part of that is embracing my natural hair without hiding behind a piece of cloth.
I don't really think the hijab is a required part of Islam, after wearing it since I was 9. I'm done, I still practice my faith but I'm at a point where I want to learn to love my hair and allow it to flourish. Wearing a hijab is negating this, a lot of people think you take off your hijab for attention. I don't care about that, I want to learn to love myself.
I also live in an area with a huge community of people from my country, they tend to be judgey, I'm scared of that. However they should mind their own business and focus on their kids, my community have problems with extremism and gangs, but they wanna police how I dress? Lmao, I think my parents should still be proud of me without a hijab. I'm completing a difficult degree at a well regarded University, as a first generation student that came from a lower income area the road there wasn't easy.
That's enough to make most parents proud, I spent my entire life wearing hijab and dressing modestly (skirts/dresses only), I couldn't even wear pants yet my parents still berate me over every single thing. My sisters do the exact opposite, take their hijab on/off and wear tight ass clothes, my parents only occasionally shame them.
I pretty much don't see the point in trying to appease them anymore, it has gotten me nothing, I only did it because I was insecure and hid myself behind those things. I plan on taking it off next semester, along with wearing pants. All my cousins do, why should i force myself to follow a made up aspect of my faith? It isn't even in the hadiths or quran. It's all cultural, we didn't even wear hijabs in my country until the 90s, I see pictures from my aunt/moms youth, none of them wore hijabs but they want their daughters too…So backwards.
I have 4a hair and it's midback when stretched.
3c hair isn't too far off from my own, (father has thin 3bc hair, mum is thick 4a so I have hair that acts like dad's but looks like my mum)
If you want length, take care of your ends. It's the oldest on your head.
It takes a bit to learn your hair.
I recommend green beauty channel on Ytube. She had 4bc hair but she has a scientific approach to hair, she is gonna bring out a new typing system that will focus on your hair in detail, she has great recipes and science to back it up.
Your hair is beautiful.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Don't worry about what other people think, you are you anon! I come from the same kind of background, I even had an imam perform an exorcism on me because if I had anorexia, it wasn't because my father beat me and made me feel like I never was good enough, it was because I had the devil in me lmao
So please, I know it's hard to think that your own family doesn't follow what you want/need, but do it for your own sake.
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I feel you so fucking hard.
How do you escape it? Go full Unibomber?
I hate the way that technology is "advancing". There is little innovation. Instead we get more and more technology tailored for consumerism, pushing captialisim and for the illusion of making a more efficient, happier life.
My attention span has gone to absolute shit, my feelings dulled and my empathy online is barely hanging on. Everything that is presented on the internet is being made to be increasingly shorter, more clickbaity and more attention grabbing (without any substance).
I honestly hate it but I can't stop.
I wish they did some research on the long term effects of internet usage/addiction.
what i hate is that people will silence anyone who speaks out about the negative effects of technology. how is acknowledging that sitting in front of a screen for most of the day is bad so controversial? many people will unironically expect you to act like modern technology was the best thing to ever happen to mankind that has no negative effects on people.
this is a very recent issue, and its gotten exponentially worse over the last 10 years. how are more people not worried about this? self driving cars sound fucking terrifying for example. the idea of being this reliant on technology is just so disturbing. its only going to get worse. i wish i could have the opportunity and strength to disconnect from the internet, but its pretty much impossible to work or go to school without having a phone and i think i also have an addiction.
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Who else here can’t separate creators from their work? It’s the only thing my bf and I disagree on and like, I don’t see it as a big deal but he’s afraid it’ll cause problems? Like, for example, I despise Donald Glover and because of that I just can’t enjoy his content, my bf loves him, and I get that he’s sad he can’t share his enjoyment with me but I don’t think we have to love things all the same? It’s just when it’s a celebrity who’s said things that deeply bug me that I really can’t (I try to not support any clearly problematic people,) but like, Glover for example, makes tons of rape jokes and thinks it’s funny and I’m a SA survivor and it’s just… ugh.
There was a thing called scroll-free september this year, it's was about taking a break from social media for the sake of one's mental health.
And I saw people calling it stupid because reading screens are just like reading books and no one moralizes over reading too much, and someone called it disablist because some disabled people mostly socialize online.
It's bad for me and my mental health but the endless new content makes me stay online too much. I wish there was some function like after this and that hour you can't surf (like how a book ends or how TV channels would just show stuff at certain times in the past) There is just no end to the internet.
You can like most aspects of someone but not like other aspects of them or things they do. I'd say its that way for a vast majority of people in this world, it'd cause a lot of problems (ironically enough) if we just went around disowning everyone who was ever problematic
Because definitions of problematic
a different for each person, and I've seen a lot of people, especially over on places like tumblr and twitter, where there's entire like cliques that take advantage of some people not being able to separate this out and uses them to attack others to decrease the targets clout/popularity or get friend or supporter groups vilified for liking le problematique fae, so they can become the "unproblematic popular person". (But the act of doing that itsel is well… you probably get the point and I'd be veering way OT if I continued on that tangent.)
My bf showers me with affection and clearly loves me, but he's been acting a bit weird towards his best friend's gf and it's bothering me.
Usually he talks to his female friends differently than he does to me, and with her he used to as well but last time we all met up he was looking at me less than her when we were talking, smiling more at the jokes she made than ones anyone else did, and when she and his friend left he said "bye bye" to her in a very cutesy voice, like he does to me but nobody else. Whenever he sees her he says "hello there" in a very cheerful tone, but when he meets me it's more… mild than that. It's been like that since he met her, but he hasn't mentioned anything to me about it and his friend doesn't mind. He also gifted her a comic book that they both liked on his own volition, just because he noticed that she liked the show.
Nobody else saw anything wrong with it (or if they did they didn't say so) but it bothers me, and I can't ask him about it because I'm already insecure as fuck and I don't want to put ideas into his head. Plus, all these things are too little and nitpicky for me to complain about but it does make me wonder if he has a crush on her. They don't talk outside of us meeting as a group, but I don't know.
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I'm so done with my new boss. She has only been here 2 weeks and she has demanded so much change and everyone is unhappy. I was called into the office today because my schedule has been the same for 2 or 3 months now. I've been off tuesday and worked mondays, so i came in monday to work per usual and didnt tuesday.
I got in trouble for working monday when i was supposedly off, except not a single boss or team lead told me to go home or whatever. they let me work my shift and i got in trouble for it.
I'm so fucking done. i hate this new boss. she demands you do things with no questions asked and it's taking a toll on my mental health. I've been here 2 years now, so it sucks to leave, but i cant deal with her.
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I recently posted about my mom forcing me to reduce the number of therapy sessions, because she wants my mom. I fucked up and therapist may fire me. All because I fucking keep self-sabotaging myself I’m 100% she’s totally fed up with me. She’s the only one that truly gets me and my situation, I don’t want to lose her because of my stupidity.
Tweet about how you'd welcome contact from her whenever she's ready, so that if she comes back to check your profile she knows you actually care
It's easy to think internet friends don't count
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>be me, grill with arrhythmia and autism
>currently on a rough patch with my boyfriend
>two days ago i had a panic attack that quickly transformed into chest pain and irregular beating
>stay the night at the hospital
>the next day (yesterday) i go to my bfs house because i am still pretty shakey, tired and upset so i wanted some comfort and to just be with him
>he tells me his friend was going to come over so they could watch the game, without warning me beforehand and his mum wouldnt let me go back home
>feels pretty stressed to have someone i dont know around, i cant be near them watching the game and being loud even if i tried
>try to just get over with it BUT NOPE nevermind, his friend is going to stay the night too
>just stay in his room alone while feeling extremely upset
honestly i am wondering if he did this on purpose. i cant see how he cant wrap his head around how this is upsetting to me. if i had to go through an upsetting time alone i would rather do it at home, without having to be near people being loud and people i dont know. if he wanted to watch the game so bad he could have cancelled with me, i wouldnt have minded too much, but he didnt and i had to endure that shit. am i overreacting farmers?
I'm really worried I'll end up like hollybrown.
I'm trying to get good enough to be a professional artist, and the hollybrown thread chills me. I "discovered" her through lolcow, I knew her stuffs before but didn't pay attention because, well, it's shit. I recognize lots of my own flaws in her, I'm trying to improve myself really hard, but right now art is all my life, and there's no one to guide me through my studies (I'm not in art school, just at home drawing all day) and I'm always tempted to take the easy route of my comfort zone, and eventhough I'm fighting the temptation back pretty well, I don't even know what is the actual hard, yet rewarding, route that will lead me to skill.
Some days I'm convinced I'll never actually get good enough, I'm really lost with what I should do.
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Acacia Brinley's video about her new baby is so disturbing. I know nothing about babies but her daughter seems unhealthy, apparently she's missing a chromosome and has a duplicated chromosome AND is missing part of her brain?? Wtf, and Acacia just seems like she dgaf about it or is in deep denial, she keeps saying "its okay, she's missing a rib but it doesn't mean anything". What the hell.
Spoiler because I find her baby's face disturbing.
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My birthday is on Saturday. Guess I'll eat an entire cookie cake by myself a la pixyteri and buy smash ultimate just to take lewd caps of snake… hmph lol
I'm so obsessed with losing weight, I'm scared I'll be fat again. It's hell. I started out by starving myself and it was honestly amazing (even if it sounds wrong) my friends would question me, I was losing weight at a fast pace, didn't even have to exercise ! But now, I'm eating again, and I have no clue if it's normal… To me it feels like I'm always binging but I never throw up any of it.
All I want is to be capable of starving again because I am so scared I'll be fat again since I keep eating junk food my mom keeps buying. It's my own damn fault for not having any self control but it's so stressful. I don't know what to do but sit there and watch myself slowly get bigger and then it's over. All of my efforts and pain thrown in the trash, back to zero.
When I go to school, I pack healthy snacks and I'm capable of not spending money on food, but when I get home, there's a whole bunch of food and I keep eating it even if I'm not hungry.
I wish I could stop eating SO MUCH at home, I kind of accepted my successful starving days so I don't mind eating, just let it be healthy.
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Have the delicious food you like but portion control and dicipline anon, you can do it
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Anyone here /single and lonely during the holidays/?
I have been…every year of my life…but now that I'm getting into my twenties for real it's hitting harder. I wish I had a partner to watch cheesy Christmas movies with and make nice gifts for.
I'm sure with each passing year this feeling will get worse.
2018 has been a really hard year for me. three of my family members died in a month, some less awful things happened too. i'm in my last year of my bachelor's degree. i've struggled with depression since my late teens, even though i've been going to therapy regularly, this has affected my grades. i mainly have Cs, some Bs and one D (from my first ever uni level exam lol). i want to pursue a master’s degree in the future, but my average grades have to be at least C.
if i actually had the motivation to study and didn't want to die all the time, i'm sure i could have done way better. it just, really upsets me sometimes. i just had an exam, and i did really poorly on it. i knew the stuff, but couldn't concentrate and felt terribly anxious. i'm pretty sure i'll get another D (if not worse). this is a small subject, and won't matter in the big picture. i still have two exams left and my bachelor thesis before i graduate, if i work hard on those things i'll be fine.
this really affects my self-esteem for some reason. it feels like i just keep doing everything wrong. idk i feel like i let myself down. it's so dumb it's just a small exam, i won't remember this in 20 years. i get my grade at the end of december, but thinking about it makes me really nauseous (i used to have really bad exam anxiety).
anyway, i know that people very close to me dying, mental health stuff etc. affected my performance. and grades don't matter much in the field i am in when it comes to getting jobs (I have lots of work experience). so i don't get why i'm so upset.
this is so dumb
I've been there and honestly the answer is to swallow your own anxieties regarding taking the gift and just appreciate. As you're aware he really wanted you to have the coat, so seeing you reject something he worked to pick and pay for would be extremely disheartening on his end and in turn just feed into your pity party loop since 'oh no I can't accept this great gift due to ultimately silly reasons and now he's sad because I didn't' like, nope. End the cycle. Just take the gift and make him happy, and yourself too girl! It doesn't matter how you view yourself, it's perfectly fine to have nice things.
If the guilt is really weighing on you, funnel that energy into getting him something equivalent in personal value as a present back.
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I know how that feels. In my case I feel like my depression is getting the best out of me and stopping me from doing what I need to do. Idk if it's actual depression but I made a text and it came out I worry TOO much about things and get anxious all the time.
I got bad results in teo of my texts and next week I'll have to take a high note or I'm fucked. I'm a mess and I've already started to feel worthless like I always do. And it's so funny because I'm always smiling and joking around with my friends when from inside I'm just a big anxious mess that feels hollow all the time.
I can't even count on my mom since she thinks I'm just being a lazy sack of shit, and she's going to kill me if I get bad results again. Even worse, I can't stand disappointing her too. Think I've been in need for an therapist for a long long time but my mother thinks it's all bs.
I'm gonna buy some tranquilizers tomorrow - do you anons have any recommendation to help me calm down whenever I get anxious af?
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I binged on a box of fiber one brownies. Now I am gonna stay fat AND get diarrhea.
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I managed to catch a gastric flu and it's so disgusting and I'm exhausted I hate this so much ugh
And worse yet, my mom invited me over on Saturday to have lunch with my parents, and I had expected to have my husband with me. I had to explain he wouldn't be coming, and now I just know she's going to ask pointed questions before getting to the "this isn't how husbands and wives treat each other, he doesn't value you, you're not a priority to him".
And I know she's going to say it with the best intentions for me, but all it's going to do is hurt. I know my husband loves me. I know he values me, and I know I'm his no. 1 priority in life. And to be reminded of all the terrible insecurities I have is just going to be crippling.
She's the person I got all my crippling insecurities from. And I'm not laying blame on her or anything, it's just the truth. When my husband and I were just kids and we were dating, she was really against him because he wanted to go on a vacation with friends without me. We were just 19/21, and she said "it's not something you do to a person who's supposed to be a priority in your life". Surprise, surprise, when I laid down an ultimatum, he broke up with me. A few years later, when we started dating again, I was texting and calling him every day, almost every hour. I was trying to give him more space, but in my family's life "space" is unhealthy, and you shouldn't need space from someone you truly love. Until he got sick of me blowing up his phone and laid down some painful truths.
I, stupidly, told all this to my mom, and asked her what I should do. She told me "Well, it sounds like he just broke up with you." So for two weeks, I didn't hear from him, and I had assumed he really had. This was shitty of him, don't get me wrong, but I was understandably distraught until he texted me like nothing was wrong, and then I was just confused and distraught. When he called me and after we got past the whole "well do you want to break up?" conversation, he told me not to trust my mom anymore.
Half a year later, it winds up I'm pregnant. My mom and dad are furious. I'm 25 at this time, so it's not like I was an irresponsible teenager. My committed partner and I are having sex, these things are bound to happen. So, everything really sucks. I miscarry. The stress from everything unravels my life, I lose the two part time jobs I'm working along with working at my mom and dad's business full time (which I'm not getting paid for).
And, I just can't take it anymore. Every time I'm with my then-boyfriend-now-husband, she calls me asking me if I'm coming home to help. I can't keep doing this. I need a job that pays me and isn't so physically grueling that I end up having a miscarriage. I need a place to stay that doesn't have holes so that the wind from a -20 degree night doesn't come through while I sleep, or have pollutants that cause me to get bacterial infections every month. I need to recover from working 14 hour days, doing heavy manual labor, getting frostbite, exhaustion, and then being criticized for not being there for a family and job that's killing me.
So I move in with my boyfriend. And you'd think that would be it, but it isn't.
My family life got so much worse. I move in with my boyfriend, who becomes my fiance, who becomes my husband. My family gets used to the idea that my husband isn't going anywhere, but they make their disapproval of him pretty clear. My sister doesn't comprehend that I'm a separate entity from her, so it's as if her arm detached and ran away to join the circus. She remains a source of contention between my husband and I. I love her, and to me, she's just always been this way- she's a kind of intense person, but she's well-meaning. She just wants to help, but she ends up steamrolling over my boundaries. When we made a plan together to clean my house (I'm the worst at household chores), we ended up throwing a lot of stuff away, and it really helped me. But she would also clean when I was working, so I never knew until recently how much had gone until my husband was asking where the seat cushions in the dining room were, and I had to explain she threw them out.
I can't ask for advice or help from my family. They always take the worst route. I feel so alone, but at the same time, I know I can't ask for help without incurring pain, so being alone is almost a boon.
Soo, this is my first time venting like this. I feel very lonely in this because my friends are going through tough times as well and I would just burden them more with my issues.
I broke up with my long term bf recently. Well, more like he wanted to end things. I have known for a while that something was up, because he didn't really want sex as much (despite wanting it many times a day before), didn't really look for intimacy and about two months ago, he started to spend less and less time with me, excusing it with being tired and overworked and I know he works a lot, like ALOT… but it was never an issue before.
So I suspected something was up, but whenever I wanted to talk, he would postpone it to next time…and then next time again…and again until I got so frustrated and told him how it made me feel and that's when he asked to end the relationship. This was my first serious relationship and I was completely shell-shocked. I discarded any pride I had and basically begged for a chance to fix this, but he wouldn't budge. So here I am…dumped and completely broken. I have been crying non-stop every day. I can't go anywhere without things reminding me of us…of him. I see a jacket that he wore…and I start crying. I walk past someone who wears cologne he wore…I burst out crying. I hate it. And seeing him just move on, planning trips, being active and happy hurts me so much more. Feels like I am the one destroyed and broken and he has simply moved on. I understand that people who usually initiate break ups move on a little faster, cause they have had time to think about it and prepare for it and it is something they wanted and I read that men generally move on easier and break up sort of gives them a sense of freedom, which I see in his case. I see that he is active again, works out more, plans trips. I on the other hand have been miserable. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't enjoy social gatherings, my work is suffering. I just can't seem to get him out of my head at all. I have never loved a man like I have loved him. Before meeting him, I had been single for years, cause I am really specific about trusting people and who I wan't a serious relationship with and with him it felt so natural…so safe and I am still so deeply and madly in love with him and I feel like such a damn idiot for not realizing that it's over…hoping and clinging onto fantasies that we will get back together.
Today I finally decide that I can't be like this forever and I unfollowed him everywhere on social media and deleted his number. I broke down crying doing this all and I don't know how long it will take time to heal and my heart hurts so much and my idiot self is still hoping for something..but I know I can't go on like this forever. I just don't know what to do and how t get over it and how to forget these deep feelings…I just wish sometimes that I never got into a relationship. It just hurts so damn much and I can't get his face out of my stupid head and I know it sounds so mean that I am hurt to see him do so well…I know it's not his fault…I am sure it was a very difficult decision for him and I know he still cares for me but he is just not in love with me anymore.
I feel like dying and I hate being this way, because I am usually strong, I don't cry and I am not emotional.
I am sorry for this erratic post, but I needed to vent somewhere.
If anyone here has any tips or advice…cause this is my first break up where I feel so lost and broken.
I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I do see a point in both of your positions. Judging from how you describe the cat's living situation, I don't honestly think it's the best for the cat. If it's long haired, it is going to shed, but a lot can go towards controlling the shed if it's regularly groomed. Most cats enjoy a little once-over with a comb once a week, but for a long-haired cat, it might need a grooming multiple times a week. This helps prevent matting in the cats fur as well. Tell your boyfriend to stop being a shitty pet-owner, clean out the litter box more often, and brush it regularly.
Also, for you, don't leave your possessions in a place where the cat can lay on/shed on. Put them in a drawer or closet the cat can't get into. Wear clothes that you don't really give a fuck if you get cat hair all over and pack a spare for when you want to go anywhere.>>335573
I had this problem as well when I was younger. I wanted more emotional intimacy than my boyfriend was willing to give at the time. If you don't think you're going to get over this, ask to talk to him again. Ask if he's willing to resume your relationship if you two discuss boundaries. Some people need more space and time alone, and that's not wrong. It's okay to want to be by yourself sometimes. It's also not wrong for you to want more, but it is wrong for you to demand for more when the other party isn't comfortable/ready.
It's all down to a few things: Are you willing to go back to the relationship knowing you might get the same or even less, and How badly do you want it so you are willing to make compromises?
We used to spend a lot of time together. Play video games and he would actually seek out to do more dates and spend more time together and do things together, but something changed few months ago and he stopped wanting to spend time like we normally did and he would just say "I am tired". So I stopped bothering him, gave him space. If we ever had issues we were both mature enough to sit down and talk it out calmly.
but past few months he would just ghost me by saying he is tired and unmotivated to do things. I had started researching to help him get motivated to get back to his hobbies and give him space for that.
>>335578>but a lot can go towards controlling the shed if it's regularly groomed
We picked up two free brushes at the shelter, one long-toothed comb and one with more bristles. I brushed him twice every day when I was there and even gave him a light warm rinse after I picked him up from the shelter.
He just sheds hair no matter what.
Aside from that, the reason why the cat shits so much is because bf simply dumps a load of dry cat food onto a plate. So the cat binges throughout the day instead of being given a portion in the morning and evening.
More food=more shit. Bf hasn't caught on yet.
I haven't pointed this out yet because he had a meltdown at the pet store when I was buying the food for the cat. All I said was that we should get a couple cans of wet pet food because it's not good for cats to eat dry only all the time, but bf told me to stop "bossing" him around and got aggressive with me.
>don't leave your possessions in a place where the cat can lay on/shed on
Lol, hindsight is certainly 20/20. But I'm still going to bring nice clothes for when I go out with my bf and I won't accept being bitched out because I dare bring a lint roller.
Spending time together is obvious and normal, but did he ever express a wish to do go out and do things without you?
If he did, how did you react? I know you're in a painful space right now, but it would be really helpful to analyze yourself objectively.
>>335586>More food=more shit
also an obese cat. They're not reknowned for their ability for self control. The other bit of advise was for the future. Tell your bf to stop being such a child, it's acceptable not to want pet hair all over yourself, but don't do it in a super-confrontational manner. >>335541
I'm sorry to be so demanding, but if anyone could be so kind as to spare a word?
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Gonna sound like a real munchie here for a second.
I have 3 days until my appointment with a neurologist. They're going to run some tests and maybe do an MRI too.
The problem is, I can't fucking sleep. Recently to my already pressing mental health and insomnia issues bruxism and restless leg syndrome added and my usual routine of laying for two hours in my bed trying to fall asleep added pain from my clenched jaw and complete inability to lay still for even a minute.
My brain is in fucking hell. Lately I've also been waking up with migraines too for the first time in years. My vision got worse too all of a sudden, it's blurry a lot of the times.
Apparently I have a cyst in my cerebellum, I've had for a while, but we don't know if it grew or if it requires treatment.
Lately my health has been on a decline, I can't even eat a full bowl of soup.
I'm a mess. And I can't even take a sleeping pill because they don't sell them over the counter in my country and melatonin and all the herbal remedies don't do shit for me anymore.
I just need to survive for three more days until my appointment and hopefully sort out at least some of those problems.
Wish me luck.
The cat seems content tbh. The cat doesn't mew or beg to go outside from what I've seen and I'm pretty critical about that sort of thing.
It's certainly better than his existence at the rescue since the summer when he was dropped off and living in a small cage.>>335590
That's another reason why I brought up the dry pet food, I've read that feeding kibble-only can increase diabetes and obesity risks for cats.
Ofcourse. Whenever he would want to do something I gladly agreed. He really loves photography and filming so I would gladly go and go along when he asked, cause he needed help with some things. Or when he would wan'to go play basketball for fun and ask me to come (although I know fuck all about basketball), I would go and embarrass myself.
I've been analyzing myself for few weeks, cause my first reaction is that maybe i did something wrong
>>335586> All I said was that we should get a couple cans of wet pet food because it's not good for cats to eat dry only all the time, but bf told me to stop "bossing" him around and got aggressive with me.
That's a red flag right there anon. I have a cat and it's just common sense not to feed your cat only dry food. Does he want the cat to die young or what? If he can't take a considerate rational advice, or worse yet, he blames you for bossing him, then you should be wary of any red flags in the future.
I have a cat and I've just run out of wet food for her, so I was placing an online order when I saw your post. It's been a day and I can already see my cat wanting wet food even though she has dry food available.
Seriously, that is extremely unhealthy and irresponsible by his part. Also, cheap too.
I'm afraid to ask if he even bothers to check the cat for worms, ticks, and so on.
p.s. if you break up with him, please take the cat with you
then why are you paying for literally everything else?
either way you need to have a serious talk with your bf about this cat.
I think he's a bit ignorant about raising animals, and feels like people are talking down to him whenever they give him helpful advice.
When he said he wanted an old dog, his parents and I told him it wasn't the best because dogs need a lot of outside exercise and attention. Not to mention if the dog was older it would need medication and end of life care. At first he got mad because he took it personally, like people were shitting on his emotions, and not that we were just looking out for what's best.
Fortunately, it seems he did heed us about getting a dog.
His parents raised purebred dogs, so he thinks because he saw them be fed dry kibble it means that it's all they were fed to be as healthy as they were. I feel like telling him that because he wasn't personally involved in their care, that more work was done behind the scenes when he wasn't around ie. them being fed good wet food.
The shelter we got the cat from did a lot of the hard work. He's chipped, checked for worms, and has been given all his vaccinations. The only thing we really need is flea medication. It's foolproof if only he would stop being so sensitive whenever anyone brings up an issue about the cat.>>335611
It doesn't matter what I've paid for. The pet is registered as his. I've paid for the things I've paid for to make sure the pet has the essentials until his next paycheck.
You're preaching to the choir anon, I assure you.
I understand if that anon doesn't want to take care of the cat because ultimately it wasn't her idea or wish, but at least find a proper home for it.
We actually had boundaries set in our relationship. Like we both have to have hobbies and not interfere with those hobbies and spend time with friends and family and we we're never really clingy. It was really important for both of us, that we don't make our world so small that we only ever spend time with each other.
I didn't want more than we already had, I just wanted him to stop ghosting me and to talk it out. When he started avoiding spending time together, he told me he was tired and I stopped asking for dates. I asked to talk about how we can resolve this and what I could do to help and tried encouraging him to take time off work and go see his family (he is very close with his parents). All I wanted was to talk and I was willing to wait to talk and only few months after that all started, we finally talked cause I got a bit frustrated with all the ghosting and I asked for 30 minutes of his time to sit down and finally talk and then the break up happened.
I don't want to force him to be with me, because I can see that he has already moved on and I don't want to ruin his happiness. Even though I want to be selfish and have him with me, I know it's wrong. That's why I finally let it go today and stopped following him on social media and let him do whatever makes him happy.
I was just wondering on how to deal with the pain. When will it stop hurting? I know this is a vent thread and not advice thread.
I am not asking for advice on how to get him back, cause i dont want to ruin the happiness he currently has. It just hurts to know I can never hold his hand and that everything just reminds me of him
Actually, DBT practices would really help for this. Try mindfulness, as a start. It's inevitable you'll feel grief from this situation, but since there's no way to make it better, try to focus on whatever is at hand.
It will be hard, I know, trust me. But it is possible, and you can do it. First, find something to do that forces you to think about nothing else, like strenuous exercising or listening to a podcast, or cooking something new. If you find your mind wandering, then bring your attention back to what you're doing.
If someone was feeding a child only chicken nuggets it would fall under abuse.
My uncle is a chef and has a dog. He really loves the dog but also stuffs it with gourmet food so the dog naturally got really fat. A lot of people would call him out on it, and while no one called animal services on him, I don't think people would have complained either. I know this is anecdotal but people do have an understanding to such things.
Regardless of the motive (neglect or not), animals should be dealt with care and if more people start treating pets as beings that deserve rights and a nice home, then we're making small steps towards a better world.
I'm currently in a situation where I consider calling animal services for a dog that's constantly caged outside on a chain and is barely taken out on walks.
I am sorry for stupid question, but what is DBT?
Mind wondering is my current biggest issue. I keep think "What if…how could i colossally fck up like this." You know, then the feeling of dread, that maybe our relationship was such a burden and I should have noticed sooner and done something about it.
lol this sounds like a case of a parent getting their kid "their own pet" but the parent pays for and takes care of it. and the analogy fits because your bf sounds like an enormous manchild if he throws a hissy fit anytime someone gives him advice on how to not mistreat his cat.
good luck with all that. I hope you can intervene before something bad happens to it.
It's only a day so it's not a big deal, give him some time.
Did you both talk about what you were looking for?
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You sound like a teenager that literally just got out of childhood, or an adult that doesn't realize you can make your own damn cup of cocoa and throw an even bigger pity party than your mom ever could. Either way, you'd be better off posting in the confetti club or pic related.
>I have to hide my pain
You and everyone else. It's called being polite. Get a therapist.
That's a bit harsh, anon. I think most people feel nostalgic for childhood because for many it was objectively better times; someone to take care of you and watch over your responsibilities. And yes, also tell you everything's okay and to make you a cup of hot chocolate.
I'm fortunate to have a few adult friends I can confide in and tell my secrets to. Being unable to share one's pain with people who can be trusted is lonely, and for some therapy isn't accessible. That's if
one finds a good therapist.
Yep you need some self care anon. You can pamper yourself. Make cocoa, go to the cinema, (or watch happy faves at home), arrange a cute date in a cafe with friends/relatives, buy a cute new dress. It's easy. Relying on others for validation is not a good path. >>335843
Nnot a helpful reply
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I'm seriously thinking about maybe going to college but I'm worried as fuck that it'll be pointless because I failed almost every high school year (thanks to math) and I graduated 5 years ago and don't remember shit. Even before I graduated hs the whole teaching program was changed and some classes were removed, new ones were added etc so a good part of the field has changed and idk how smart it would be to dive in with less than 5% knowledge of the subject.
Not to mention my parents can't afford to send me to a dorm or a shared apartment, it's just too expensive. I wish people would hire students for other jobs than waitressing, every company doesn't seem to be able to "afford" to have a student working.
I'm so damn frustrated I can't even articulate what I want to say fuuuuck
I went to college for a couple semesters after highschool and wound up withdrawing because I was having a really hard time. I wound up working for five years until a really nice customer encouraged me to try again.
I went to a different college and took the lowest level math class available, where the professor retaught us long division, multiplication and fractions. This really helped me out because I never got a grip on what I was taught in middle/highschool and that basically fucked me over for years. I was also very lucky because a friend of my older siblinh was also in this class, and we stuck together in math classes for two semesters to help each other out. If you can go to a community college and take a basic math class I think it will help you a lot.
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my only irl friend goes to college states away and i never get to see her, but i've been questioning our friendship for years now. she's a kind person but she's getting really annoying and it's to the point where i ignore her sometimes when she messages me. i don't know if i want to see her again honestly.
she's kind of a fakeboi but she's weird about it. she is obsessed with male attention and male validation. she bases her quality of life on how many guys want to fuck her, i think. she was bullied a lot as a kid and was treated awfully for not being the "stereotypical girl". so for years she has tried to be all like, "i'm soooo masc" when she's not at all. she just doesn't shave. and who tf cares? i don't think that not shaving makes you less of a girl. but my ideology very much lines up with gender critical radfem beliefs. she is a libfem. it's just getting to me, all the drinking and hooking up she does. she just has weird flings with guys that refer to her with they/them pronouns and it's fucking weird. the guy she's with now is luckily fucking off to another state soon. she's kind of a lovebomber and obsesses over a guy that she doesn't even know, pines after him for male validation, then it just disappears. i feel guilty for not wanting to talk to her but she just depresses me now. all she does is talk about herself. i miss who she was when we were in high school. now she's a fakeboi thot who has a drinking problem. why are twentysomethings all like this. this is why i have no friends.
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I study graphic design and I'm on the last year. Started checking job offers because I need to do practice for university and noticed how poor all art jobs are paid in my country.
Given how much I already pay for the room in my flat and basic stuff, I would barely make it monthly (also there are times when I have multiple dentist visits etc. where you have to pay a lot of money).
My family is pretty much split apart around the whole Poland (bro lives in the same city as I do, sis lives with bf in southern Poland and my parents are divorces with my dad having his current family), so there's no way to live at their place and earn money not worrying about a rent.
I was wondering if I too shouldn't move to UK, since there are much more jobs in that are paid much more than there + it would be easier to be a lesbian in there.
I still got a year to think about it..
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I'm so fuckin done not knowing what I want to do in life. It's been that way since I'm little– I have a lot of different interests and I'm a very curious person but career/studies wise, it's always been hell. The only thing I know for sure is that I want to live a comfortable life. I've tried several uni courses; never finished them. Right now I'm working full time at a salad bar and I'm starting to get real bored.. I want to study again. I'm torn between going back to law school or trying something new like marketing or computer engineering. The fact that I'm very prone to anxiety, depression and suffer from bulimia don't help in having a healthy mindset. What bothers me tremendously too is that I love video-games. I really do. The happiest times of my life were when I was playing 24h/24, talking with people who shared my passion for it and indulging in my other hobbies (such as watching movies, anime, reading books and scans, browsing my favorite sites, cosplaying, learning foreign languages, looking to expand my personal knowledge..) Right now I have no time to play, or only a little. I know lolcow and PULL are here to talk shit about online personas but seeing some of these trash girls having free money and no responsabilities is something I sometimes catch myself being jealous of. I just wanna be a successful woman without having to completely cut what I love doing in my free time..
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I hate it when people text or post that they're in some kind of trouble without specifically stating what it is and then wait sometimes hours to come back and explain.
Obviously, they're not in that much 'trouble' if they can afford to put it aside until they get around to it.
Fuck it pisses me off because I worry it's some serious shit and it never turns out to be as bad as I thought.
My first bf of 2 years broke up with me a few days after my birthday and it's been on my mind the entire time. What's even worse is that I moved out of state with him, and then moved back to our hometown. Everything here reminds me of him. I have a gut feeling that things will work out between us in the end, but man, it feels like hell. I can't seem to concentrate on any of my hobbies. I've been working out more, meditating, and taking care of myself more than ever. It still hurts, though. We both made a lot of mistakes. I'm not going to ask him to take me back or pressure him. It was his decision, so it's also his to take back if he decides to. I don't hold any resentment or bitterness towards him at all. I have nothing but unconditional love for myself and him.
Still, I wish I knew how I could heal faster. Sometimes the pain gets overwhelming and takes my breath away. We talked every day, he shared the most intimate parts of himself he was too ashamed to tell anyone else, he learned how to cook so he could make my favorite foods, he told me making me happy made him the happiest, and I could see it in his eyes. Then he got depressed and changed completely, he became bitter and spiteful. I still wanted to try my best despite this, but he left me. I know the best thing I can do for him is let him go right now. But still, it hurts so much…
None of them would enjoy that treatment unironically, they just know that saying edgy shit about women gets them that juicy attention.
Is it really that impossible for a woman to like anime girls and shit?
I'm definitely a bio woman, but I'm still a gross weeb who continues to like busty anime ladies. I guess I can see why you'd doubt they're women, and while I'm sure there are a few LARPers, I think many are just weeby women straight from 4chan and haven't shaken that behaviour. And the user base seems more pathetic than here so it's not unlikely for them to be a bit gross. That comes along with being a slimy frumplet who can't even get a guy to hold their hand.
Not even insulting them btw
t. Slimy frumplet
>>334746>>334806>>334872>>336655>my brain is fucked from constant internet/bullshit media abuse I've subjected it to for over 4 years>I have no hobbies anymore and I'm failing uni>My attention span has gone to absolute shit>Internet addiction has ruined my life. I could be so far ahead right now were it not for this.>I'm so so isolated.
I was ana, didn't have many friends, was shy (and probably already a little depressed) as a teen, but if I hadn't fled to the internet, I would have turned out mostly normal. Maybe is still would be "forever alone", but I might have at least some friends / would spend my free time studying. I write part 1 (of 2) of my final exams in just 2 months. I have no idea how I'm supposed to pass it. I've barely studied so far, have zero motivation and feel so depressed all the time. My room and my hygenie is a mess, everything I do all day long is browse the internet.
I think one of the worst things is, that while studying I have to use my computer, because everything is online now. So even if I intend to study, I have to switch it on and then always think "Ah, I just quickly check this site". "Quickly!" often turns into the whole day, until 3 in the morning.
I was always the best student in elementary school, still one of the best in high school, but now I feel seriously too dumb in comparison to the others. All of them talk so well, I stutter like an idiot. They use words that I don't even know…
I also think I'm addicted to sugar. Lacking confidence, being lonely, made me turn to food as a source of happyiness and now my body is conditioned to always crave it (and of course it adds to me not feeling well). I especially feel like eating when I'm at my desk on my computer. And I feel like being on my computer/on the internet 24/7. Sometimes I feel really nervous and excited prior to using it - like a true addict…
jesus fucking christ we are so similar. Ive been ana for 6 and a half-ish fucking years now and nothing helps, the internet definitely doesn't cause I use it to distract myself from hunger. Also don't have any friends (except my ex who treats me like a comfortable fallback option in friendship and romance), can't relate to others at all because my empathy is shot to hell, and a lot of my interests are way too niche to find communities out in the real world. Hate studying for the same reason too, my saving grace is most of my uni work is not online cause I'm an art student, but the bad part of that is that my internet use has decimated my creativity and motivation to make art.
I also feel really nervous re: computer use but more so if I'm about to shut it off? Like I get really stressed about "missing" stuff. Like that other anon said, everything is just endless and its fucking terrible and exhausting. I wish I had more self control but also because of how I was exposed to online culture and the really evil parts (liveleak, porn, sugaring) as a teen I'm now permanently traumatised in the real world too
I know it sucks, anon, but I think it'll die down. This shit started on Tumblr, I'm pretty sure, and most of the users (including hardcore SJWs) railed against it appropriately. I think the "MAP community" is just flooding to Twitter now that Tumblr staff is actually, formally giving them the boot instead of ignoring them.
If not, this shit has to be the tipping point. If the "MAP" madness doesn't wake people up and get faced with backlash before it 100% reaches the mainstream, nothing will. Something's got to give.
Shit can't believe I found girls like me
My friends are always beaming with hapiness, talking about what they want to do in the future, hobbies and dates and I'm just… souless
Yesterday I called one of my friends who had panic syndrom and asked her for help since she managed to get out of it on time. While I was talking to her I felt like crying so much I had to go and tell everything to my father, and he hugged me and looked worried af. I did the same when my mom arrived later. I've cried three times yesterday and called myself an useless piece of trash.
I'm going to my friend's therapist this saturday
Yeah, you're right. It's got to do with the recent tumblr thing.
Oh, and another thing he mentioned was how many pro maps or pro pedos had those pronouns in their bio and the tranny flags. I wish I had a link to that tweet so I could post screenshots in the gender critical thread. It's truly alarming.
I do hope the whole thing dies because if it doesn't, I don't know how any group could combat such trends with tech giants supporting them and silencing any opposing voices.
I wouldn't call them victims, but I think they should be less ostracized so they can get help.
>he said that all pedophiles should be gassed despite the rest of his tweet and the entire discussion being civil.
This is what I'm talking about. Pedophiles aren't inherently criminals who deserve the death penalty, they can be stopped before they actually do something. I get you don't like them, but people take this shit too far and don't think rationally.
You've got to be joking. You should definitely post this in the unpopular opinion thread.
fyi, the tweets had bunch of pedo perverted fantasies which is why among other people, my friend responded the way he did. I can't blame him. I'm just sickened that there's going to be people like you that think being a pedophile can be treated and that they have the will power to abstain when statistically it has been proven wrong over and over again. Who loses here? The kids that can't defend themselves. I'd like pedo defenders to look at their victims and say that again. And even so, if we pretend that a mythological pedophile that's virtuous enough to not molest kids exists, why should we focus on that small percentage instead of defending the most vulnerable in our society? hint, it's not the pedos.
I've seen the trend of pedo-apologetic documentaries even on well respected channels like Arte. Frankly, I'm extremely worried about the future, the environmental and societal issues are concerning and it's going downhill rapidly. I truly hope that it never goes further than these attempts to humanize themselves, but I worry it's not going to stop here.
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NTA, and this is long, but I support hyperbolic statements like that, because anything less paves the road to normalization. Normalization leads to "I know Uncle Derry's a pedophile, but he's been doing so well with his therapy that I think it's fine to let him babysit our kids for one night. I trust him completely", and then when something happens, what do you say then? A family that loves and trusts this person who is a pedophile will likely say "Mistakes happen", make excuses, downplay the trauma caused to the child and even victim blame to keep peace. Suddenly, Uncle Derry is actually the real victim, and not only are his actions the parent's fault (he is mostly innocent), those kids also should've understood that he's sick and not aroused him so much. Anything less is "unfairly demonizing a mentally ill person". Hell, that even happens in families now, so imagine how much worse and more common it'd get if there wasn't a stigma around pedophilia.
Pedophilia should not
be seen as something normal. It means a person, criminal or not, is an inherent risk to a child. All too often, when you give them an inch, they take a mile. Supporting their recovery will eventually, inevitably mean allowing them at least some access to children to make them feel accepted, and in attempt to "aid" them in their therapy. That's their end goal. Leniency disguised as help. They will take advantage of non-pedophile's empathy, naivete and stupidity to sate their fetish. Do not fall for it.
If you don't believe me, try reading anything written by pedophiles about their paraphilia when out of "normie" scrutiny (I found this on a blog full of deep web screenshots, it was originally linked in the Zoosadist thread - unsurprisingly, many zoosadists are also pedophiles). Many see nothing wrong with it, and even the ones who understand it's wrong won't stop if they can get away with it. They need better clinical treatment, yes, but mainstream society should absolutely vilify this paraphilia and recognize it for what it is. I never want to live in a world where someone can casually say "Well, I'm a pedosexual/childlover/MAP/pedophile!", because that is the beginning of the end.
t. was groomed and brainwashed by a pedophile who tried this "a bloo bloo bloo pedos are sad misunderstood victims of mental illness :((( what about false rape accusations :((( witch hunts!!!" on me
What is stopping you from doing "masculine" things or presenting in a "masculine" way?
What makes you feel like a man? In what ways are you not a woman?
thanks guys. a little breath of sanity is what I need. I do read a lot of feminist literature and have done multiple CBT courses and other outpatient therapies, and the dysphoria ebbs and flows. its just bad at the moment. also, anon who implied they are detransitioned- do you have any tips re: coping with dysphoria?>>336862
Its not about not wanting to be a woman (not ""social dysphoria"") like I could care less what "gender" I am. its my physical body that makes me upset. I wish I didn't have breasts or a soft feminine frame, I wish I had male body hair, I even kind of wish I had a dick frankly. It's days like this where I kick myself for not going through with transition at 16 like I was going too because maybe it would have effected my skeletal structure too if I did it that young and I'd be taller with bigger hands and feet, have a bonier jaw etc.
Thanks for humouring me guys. It's such a relief to even talk about it somewhere where I won't just be told to transition like it has no consequences.
In the end probably because I'm gay and my first relationship as a teenager was very unpleasant and ended with my ex (who is also gay) telling me she couldn't be with me because she has to "grow up" and have "reproductively viable" relationships (with men. its complicated) and it almost certainly gave me a massive complex lol.
I've always been butch too and some days it is just too hard. I hate that I feel this because gender is such bullshit and I really ascribe to radfeminism, but sometimes my butch-ness just feels so disconnected to my female body and it makes me feel really ugly and self conscious. I just feel like it would be so much easier for me to stealth as a dude. I want people to look at me and like me, view me with dignity and subjectivity, instead of as a weird ugly threatening predatory woman.
also I just think body hair looks really good and wish I was taller with masculine features because I feel so weak and small (cuz I am).
Sorry for treating you people as therapists, but hey, vent threat and all
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I just realized recently that I have a foot face like Lainey. I kind of thought I was better looking than I am for a long time because at certain angles I could get a good selfie and my features by themselves weren’t too bad. But I’ve lost a little cheek fat getting older and the long-ness of my face is really emphasized. Also my hairline has receded and my hereditary hair thinning has begun so my forehead is huge and there’s no end to it’s growth. I know that people started calling Lainey footface because it was a funny thing to say and that she’s not objectively that ugly, but now I really spend a lot of time thinking about it and mostly worrying that I’ll misjudge my attractiveness. I wish there was a way to perceive it better.
>>336873>"grow up" and have "reproductively viable" relationships
Your ex sounds like an idiot and I'm sorry your first relationship experience had such a negative impact on you anon.
What you are going through sounds like hell but you are very brave for not opting for the easy way out, I hope you meet people that can truly accept you for who you are and not make you feel bad for not being an stereotypical woman or trans men.
I feel similar and funnily enough it was after I started spending more time on lolcow. All these talks about having larger than b cups means you have udders and having a more "womanly" figure makes you vulgar got to me.
I'm lesbian so I don't know if that also played a role in it but never before did I hate my shape so much despite not being fat.
I hope losing weight and wearing chest binders will do the trick and that being androgynous will satiate my gender dysphoria.
I wouldn't ever transition but I wish so much I was born a man.
I did wish that too before heavily using lolcow and I wouldn't blame this place but I guess it triggered
I don't think binders are the answer if you didn't have that problem before lolcow.
Maybe you should stop visiting here for a while, some ana-chan anons and asian-fetishist anons have a very warped view of the world.
oh hey man don't worry about it. Its kind of nice to talk about it frankly, you know. I tend to avoid bringing it up with most of my therapists (except my psych who is a gendercrit skinny legend) because they just tell me to go through with transition and it frustrates the hell out of me. Like there are so many other things at play, me being gay, me having an ED, me being spergy- surely theres a better way? But man, on nights like these I just feel so dejected I can't see a better way at all.>>336878
Hey, thanks for the well-wishes. >>336879
Oh I'm gay too, and this site is really bad for body dysmorphia if you lurk pretty much any cow threads or body threads. I stick mostly to /ot/. Binding is pretty dangerous (I did it for a few years and cracked two ribs in that time and have reduced lung capacity) but healthy weight loss is cool. Maybe work out? I'm thinking about working out more and seeing if it helps.
>>336875>I wish there was a way to perceive it better.
Most cows and flakes on this website are never as ugly as farmers make them out to be.
They're as harsh as they are because their actions and personalities have tainted how they are perceived. You likely are being reasonable about your attractiveness, and I'm sure as long as you're not a mean and vulgar person with enemies nobody would ever say horrible things about your looks equivalent to Lainey.
I share a similar body to Moomoo, sans the benefit of lipo and plastic surgery
, so I can't really browse that thread sometimes because of the unnecessary things people say about her body so I understand how you feel. The difference is because I'm liked irl nobody makes me feel like shit about it, and I know that unless I start acting like a major cunt who scams people nobody would start. Being a good person is simple enough.
I'm glad that you're opening up and venting and trying to figure stuff out for yourself anon, at the end of the day the only person who needs to be comfortable with your appearance is you. Do you work out much? It seems like getting strong could help you in a lot of ways whilst being reversible, exercise is really good for mental health, the visible results offer a good reward that you're actually making achieving something and in my personal gay opinion, there aren't enough muscular butch girls to go around.>>336875
Maybe lay off of lolcow and stop looking in the mirror so much anon, you sound like someone who's aging normally but developing a complex
>>336882> Oh I'm gay too, and this site is really bad for body dysmorphia if you lurk pretty much any cow threads or body threads. I stick mostly to /ot/.
I stick mostly to /ot/ and /g/ but the body nitpicking is not uncommon here.
Regardless, this site is not to blame but it did remind me how much I hated having any curves at all. Also, browsing some lesbian sites and forums also got to me because the ideal gf was someone that looks quite androgynous.
Also, your ex was a bitch. If she loved you in the first place, the reproductive aspect wouldn't have been a problem at all. It's terrible that it laid grounds for your gender dysphoria but at least she did you a favor by leaving your life.
> Binding is pretty dangerous (I did it for a few years and cracked two ribs in that time and have reduced lung capacity)
Holy shit, I'm so sorry! I don't know… I know it's dangerous but I just want to have less visible chest without going under the knife. Yeah, I'm definitely working on a more healthy weight loss and body building.
> I'm thinking about working out more and seeing if it helps.
I hope it does help you. If anything, workout has been proven to improve mood and feeling good in your skin will benefit you.
I don't know how active you are in the lesbian community, but if you're not, definitely join a lgbt center or a club. It will make you feel appreciated and having people like you just the way you are is something everyone needs. I don't have the luxury to frequent a lesbian center but being in a gay friendly place where you're accepted and where being different is normal felt amazing.
Oh man yeah. I was talking to a friend the other day about how for me wanting to transition is wanting to be invisible and blend in. I feel like I have a target on my back some days, being butch, being a woman. I wish there were more butch women, and that so many of us didn't feel so much pressure to transition. That kind of inspires me though. I want other women to see me and know its ok.>>336897
Thanks man. Complicated about the ex thing is she's still my closest friend (I know, poor boundaries, unhealthy, etc). I'm still very hurt by her but nowadays I feel more sorry for her, you know? She doesn't like men, she always goes on rants to me about how alien they are and how she can't have good conversations with her boyfriend, but she seriously views heterosexuality as just like. The thing a woman has to do to "grow up".
I find sports bras pretty great as a binding alternative, but Im very lucky to have a pretty flat chest to begin with. And to be fair I was really binding myself very tightly, partly to purposefully harm myself. Idk, just don't do exercise or sleep with it on, that'll minimise harm I think.
I'm not very active- I kind of hate the lgbt community. At my old uni I went to an lgbt group meeting and it was 3 dudes in bodyline accessories and aliexpress wigs who greeted me with "yay, its lesbian only day!" so I just turned around and left lol. And I've found a lot of spaces like that aren't really gay friendly at all, just like a group of super special pansexual whatevers all complaining about being oppressed by monosexuals, like man I just want to play basketball and have a beer with my fellow homosexuals you know. Any advice on finding a good group/community?
It's nice of you to still be friends with her and noble of you to feel sorry after she's hurt you but you're only harming yourself here.
I saw my ex with her fiance and even though it's been a long time, seeing her from afar all happy with to-be husband made me die a little bit inside, like a huge sharp pain right there where my heart is. I don't know how and where you get the power to be with your ex on friendly terms because even though she's complaining about men, she is still with one. It would hurt me on an emotional and mental level.
I know it's hard to cut a friendship but you should really try to distance yourself a bit. At least try and see if you feel better in any way. If you do, that's one solution to make yourself feel better.
Also, I understand how you feel about "lgbt" communities. The only lesbian community where I live is a tranny center in all but name. But when I went abroad in Berlin I met a friendly bunch in a regular cafe and then I was soon introduced to some lesbian spaces and one thing led to another. I guess I was just lucky, but if you're in a bigger city, surely there must be an actual
lesbian community. I wish I could give you a better advice, the circumstances are rarely ideal when it comes to the L in LGBT.
I guess I just worry about her a lot. She has breakdowns every so often and I don't know who she'd trust enough to reach out to aside from me. Plus, we are incredibly good friends. Similar people, we make each other laugh and enjoy being around one another and such, so I try to be the better person and just let the past go (even though thats not really a healthy move). I really love her as a very dear friend, but it is pretty painful to be constantly reminded that she would still be with me maybe if I was a dude. To add some details as to why she's the way she is, we were outed in high school, it was very unpleasant and messed us both up- her solution was to date men, mine was to isolate myself.
Still when we are at the same party or are tipsy or high we often end up making out or just cuddling which adds a whole other red flag dimension to this whole deal, and reinforces that she's terribly ashamed of me because Im a woman. Whoo, sorry, feels weird to type that out. I don't really like thinking about it too much, probably because its so blatant how fucked up it is when its written down.
And man, I suppose socialising and getting In With The Lesbians is really the way to go. I hope I can find a nice group like you did! My university city is pretty insane on the liberal front so I doubt Ill find any exclusive lesbian spaces, but maybe in my home city, where people are more down to earth. You've inspired me.
I'm glad that you will try to reach out to a community. It's probably going to take some time until you find one that suits you, but when you do, it will help a ton.
I still think you should distance yourself from your ahem friend, but you do you. I hope that you find both friends and hopefully a loving gf. I'm sorry that you suffered. Gender dysphoria is a bitch and being friends with someone who is ashamed of you because you're a woman is not going to help one bit.
Well, you probably already know that.
Anon, you could always have an ot without the kpop shitical
thread, you know. E.g….you could just hide it!
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I’M HAPPY FOR YOU ANON
I agree with everything you said except saying 'my bf' instead of 'my soon to be ex bf'
He sounds awful, how have you not dumped him?? It's not your fault men are coddled like this but you aren't obligated to enable it.
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Get rid of him, anon.
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Why God? Why did you forsake me with my stupid one nasolabial fold? I could have been so kawaii with out it.
That's literally what it is. Women going "look how cool and in on it I am! look I'm cool I'm not like those feminazis! Love me!" Like that nyan cosplayer girl making more tiktok parodies of her being made fun of.
They're trying to make men think they're the cool girls and worthy of attention without being called a thot for getting sexual attention.
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literally what kind of hypersexualized hyperfeminized insane fantasy world are you living in that this doesn't look like a feminine female body? she just doesn't have big boobs. only hentai warped troons or retards would think this looks like a masculine body. she has a perfectly normal feminine figure? she has a nice figure, it's just that men are retarded
I'm not involved in this discussion, but I was just scrolling through /ot/ without reading anyone's posts, and I seriously thought that was a picture of a tranny trying to look like a "sexy schoolgirl uwu" from the thumbnail. Didn't realize it was the "hit or miss" girl.
You really picked a bad picture to make your point, anon. That's all I got.
agreed. its getting unreadable.
you can also tell who the sexworkers are the the shayna threads or the artfags in the holly threads or the petfags in the various pettuber threads and so on. the endless nitpicking and the 'as an x' uwu bs is awful.
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One of my friends is gradually losing interest in me. People come and go, if she wants to move on I won't hold it against her, but I can't help feeling sad. Sorry for being sappy but I legit love her so much and she will always have a place in my heart. I don't think I'll find someone like her ever again.
it's cause it's much of the time it's forced. you can tell when something like that is written with different cultures or races in mind, but most of the time it's something generic that just happens to have a really diverse cast that it never really does anything with.
imo it's nice to see when the people are actually being represented within the story instead of simply to fill a slot.
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I'm in the same boat, anon. My friend of 15+ years seems to be moving on without me. We've always been long distance (D.C and Cali) but it never affected us until now. She got a boyfriend and suddenly her interests are different and we barely talk.
It's so hard, cuz i get it too. People come and go, but when it's that one person you don't want to go, it doesnt feel right. I think what we should both do is message them and directly ask if they still want to be friends. Be serious about it. If it ends badly, it's better than dragging things on. Good luck, anon
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thats it farmers, thanks for all the laffs and advice. i dont want to spend my last day browsing here, so this is my last post. tomorrow ill lie down in front of a freight train.
things are hard farmers, but theyre gonna be nice for you guys. not for me.
Please don't do anything drastic anon. Just take a day to pamper yourself. Show yourself love. That is not the way.
Life can improve for ANYONE.
>>337492>lie down in front of a freight train
Assuming nothing we'd say would change your mind, why would you pick one of the most frightening and unpleasant ways to die?
I can kind of understand when people spontaneously kill themselves because it's often a spur of the moment decision and things like trains, cars, and tall buildings are readily available.
Yet you're premeditating this, so you have time to think about it. Don't you feel a little bad for traumatizing the conductor who will have to watch you get run over, or the people whose job it is to clean up your guts and put them in a bag?
This is so strange to me.
You do know that with this you could completely fuck up the innocent train driver's life?
I'm a firefighter, every time somebody jumps in front of a train we have to search for and pick up the parts. Can you imagine what those people look like afterwards? This is something that gives grown man who have been doing the job for years sleepness nights.
raccoons are ugly
also don't kill yourself anon
put some earphones in.>unpleasant
what? not at all. considering all the other options of dying. it's minimal fuck up if you put your neck on the track and instant, easing the painful part. try thinking things through
>>337628>considering all the other options of dying
I prefer OD'ing on opioids; not being able to feel pain, and not being conscious of the fact that I'm going to fucking die. But to each their own. >try thinking things through
Ah, because suicidal people are famous for that. You're trying to tell people to put earbuds in before they step in front of a train, dude. Lmao.
When you're lying on the track, yes. And yeah you have to think about your suicide method before you do it. What
You can feel pain on opioids unless it's morphine. Good luck getting your hands on that. Clearly you haven't touched any sort of opiate in your life.
Have you ever been around a train or been on tracks before? The sound is tremendous as are the vibrations.
Do you know how many videos there are of people fucking up killing themselves on a train track, and watch themselves bleed out for having whole halves of their bodies and extremities chopped off?
Assuming you don't physically fuck it up, it's psychological torture on yourself and the poor sap in the train who knows he's about to fuck your shit up and cannot stop.
Yeesh, hope you're just trolling or have some autistic arrogance right now.>You can feel pain on opioids
How am I being defensive, and how did I convey I'm personally suicidal just because I would have a preferred method of going out if I were?>you berated OP
Because I told her it was a bad idea……….?
Did you not read my initial post about putting your neck on the tracks? Don't put half your body on it. Read my full post before starting a fight for no reason.
>You can feel pain on opioids
Yep, it's not a magic body numbing elixir like you think it is, anon. Trust me, been there done that.
>>337639>Did you not read my initial post about putting your neck on the tracks?
I'm pretty sure that's painful. Also I'm pretty sure people have attempted to do so before, but have panicked and tried to flee in vain thus still being struck.>starting a fight for no reason
You're the one who started this debate about how killing yourself with a train is actually a swell
idea. Don't act like I came after you haha.
Three months ago I had some strange symptoms, and figured I had a yeast infection. Being the idiot I am, I decided to treat it over the counter despite never having one before (I was solidly convinced it made sense I was getting one, had just changed BC, was about to start my period, and had just had a clean pep smear, it all lined up)
The next month I had the same issue, same symptoms, “treated” again with a over the counter treatment (realized that it’s probably a bigger issue if I’m having another one, but did that classic “if it’s a problem again, I’ll go to the doctor”)
Sure enough, two weeks later I’m having the same symptoms. Go to our school health center with the idea that it’s possibly a UTI or yeast infection.
I got negatives back on tests for both of them, turns out my symptoms line up best with chlamydia
So either my partner of the last nine months cheated on me sometime in October, or I possibly have something worse that I’ll have to deal with further. I won’t know for sure until Wednesday and it’s sort of killing me.
I want to believe my partner wouldn’t do this to me, but with the symptoms I’m having it really makes sense.
I've been thinking about a short, sad but cute animation I watched when I was little grill all day. My memory is extremely foggy because I was only 3 or 4 when I first saw it, but here are some things I remember about it:
>Set to "I'll Be Home for Christmas"
>About either a cat or a rabbit father who was sailing in a small fishing boat on a very stormy night, upset he couldn't get home to his family
>Contained a snow globe
>Aired somewhere between 2002 and 2005ish on… HBO Family, I think?
>Could've aired on a program with many different Christmas themed animated (music) videos for kids, one of which was set to "The Christmas Song." I believe the program was similar to the Goodnight Moon TV program, which was also on HBO
After spending some time on the HBO wiki, I think I could've seen it on a program called 30 by 30: Kid Flicks, but I have no way of knowing for sure because none of the episodes of that show are documented. Vid related is the only animation I can even find from the show. Even though it's lower quality than the animations I remember, it's similarly depressing and 30 by 30 did have a Halloween special apparently, so maybe they had a Christmas special too and that's what I'm thinking of… But in that case, it's probably lost media anyways :( rip
lol i am having deja vu about reading this and rolling my eyes about him doing something that annoying.
some guy was doing that in the grocery the other day with his phone speaker and headphones around his neck. what's up with these people?
THIS. I see people on the bus watching videos with their phone speakers on full volume. Why?? Why would you pick shitty built-in speakers over headphones with much more better sound quality to begin with and why would you want to annoy everyone around you? I can sort of understand if it's a long ride and you're keeping your kids busy with some show they can watch from the tablet (even though it's annoying too and you should get a dual headphone jack for them or at least turn the volume down) but with adults you'd expect some consideration for the people who don't want to listen to your dope netflix shows.
And regarding people thinking that headphones are rude I always thought it was a meme but actually some people think it's rude to walk around the city with your headphones on? Why? It doesn't make any sense. Why does it bother a complete stranger if I want to mind my own business and listen to my favourite music on my headphones to make busy commuting more tolerable?
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i tried to clean my ass for sexy times and used some sort of minty cooling agent and a huge glob of it lads
My brother blasts shitty rap music 24/7 around the house either from our speaker that has REALLY LOUD bass or from his phone and he'll walk up and down the hall with the volume on max. I've told him so many times that it's seriously annoying and to turn the bass down or turn the volume down when he's standing directly outside my bedroom
but he'll then start to verbally abuse me. He literally cannot comprehend why people don't want to listen to Takeshi 69, xxx Tentacion or some guy in a hoodie all. fucking. day. The worst part is that even if I'm
the polite one and I decide to put my own headphones/earplugs on to drown him out, I can still hear the bass thumping in the walls.
I'd be so fucking embarrassed to broadcast such shitty music taste to my family. I use headphones/earphones all the time and if I have friends over and we're listening to music I'll turn the bass down at very least
out of respect jfc. But if you're walking around the house with a phone in your hand, why not just use headphones??? I don't understand it??? Also like >>337818
said people blast videos on the bus and have really loud phone/skype conversations (usually in foreign languages) like I have no idea why these people don't feel shame for what they're doing.
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I'm a functioning alcoholic, but my gf said that if I dont quit drinking for real this time that she'll leave me. I'm scared and I don't know what to do because getting sober is so hard but I want to be good enough for her.
I've been an alcoholic on and off for just under a decade or so and I rarely show signs of being drunk since my tolerance is quite high. I drink maybe 20-25 units daily because it helps me work but hardly ever more than that. She and I have lived together for a few years now, but she never really noticed me drinking (unless we went on a work night out or something obviously).
Ive been prescribed antabus for years, but i havent been taking it because 1)I love drinking alcohol and 2)It tastes like ass.
Anyway I've been trying to compile a list of reasons not to drink and I thought i'd post it somewhere for accountability. Any suggestions as to further reasons would be very much appreciated.
1) alcohol is super high in calories and since I barely eat food then ill probably lose weight easily if I can quit drinking, as well as being less bloated and looking slimmer.
2) if I stop drinking then my face wont retain so much water and I wont have to go around with a pair of big bulimia hamster cheeks.
3) not get as many wrinkles or get bad teeth from vomiting.
4) can afford to buy nice things when before I would have spent the money on drinking instead.
5) not be shaky and jittery all the time.
6) get more sleep which is good for health.
7)not constantly smell like ethanol is leaking from my every pore.
8) i dont want to end up looking like momokun with bad skin and getting really fat.
Sorry about this self-indulgent whine but I figured that this would be the best place to post it since I dont really have friends I can talk to or anything.
Hugs, anon. I have quite a few alkies in my family so I've seen this first hand. I really hope that you're able to get the help you need.
Another fun reason to quit drinking is that it's carcinogenic- alcohol, especially consumed by women who've never been pregnant, dramatically increases the risk for breast cancer. Cancer is horrifying and painful, and I'm watching an inlaw go through it right now. It made me realize no amount of alcohol is worth that life.
Have you checked out any online/IRL forums or support groups for people trying to get sober? Do you have a counselor that might be able to help you?
I have compulsions (not alcohol or drug related) and found that DBT-style therapy was helpful in getting me to a better place overall. I still have all my materials from my group sessions.
ah, thanks. that means a lot, anon.
I had no idea about that, actually, but thats even more reason to quit, thank you for the kind words and motivation.
I tried going to AA/NA before, but I felt kinda alienated since I was basically the only one under 50 and one of the only women there aside from the counsellor. Also in my experience they can often tend to be super-christian, which doesnt really appeal to me. I did have some therapy group sessions the first time I got hospitalised though, and they seemed helpful, so I might go to the dr and ask if there are any more support group things I could attend.
Strangely, I hadnt even considered seeking support online/looking at forums etc, but thats a fantastic idea and ill definitely try to see what kind of resources there are out there.
Thanks for the advice anon, this genuinely helped a lot and gave me a lot to consider, much love
most importantly on your reasons not to drink is you'll be a healthier and more stable influence on your gf, and a better person for her to be around, for anyone to be around. please seek therapy like >>337839
suggested- dbt helped my anorexia a lot and it was kinda similar (obviously not the same but) because I genuinely enjoyed starving myself and how I felt when I was starving. my advice would be to make sure you have other things in your life you can enjoy- develop some new hobbies, learn something new, take up running or something. I believe in you anon!
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tbh I agree with >>337844
about trying not to place so much value on your looks- looks will fade, and you are almost definitely your own harshest critic when it comes to appearances- you probably think you look way uglier than you do.
another thing about photographs vs. real life is that sometimes photographs are just really unflattering, it all depends on focus length, lighting, angles and posing (see pic related for an example of focal length). Think about how different these ecelebs look in candids vs in posed, photoshopped selfies. If you want to learn to take good selfies, there are lots of techniques you can use in order to look better, as well as apps like SNOW if you want animu filters or stickers.
wrt the makeup use, practice makes perfect! if you go to a makeup store, there will often be a lady at the counter who will apply makeup on you and show you how to do it free of charge. You can easily get shown the correct types of makeup for your skin type. I would personally always invest in a good foundation/skin makeup and then cheap out on things like eyeshadow. If you purchase an eyeshadow palette with a variety of neutral shades, you can experiment and see which ones look best.
if you like, you can watch youtube tutorials to learn the basics (personally i would advise against going full-on for the instahoe beauty guru look, though, since it doesnt translate well to real life). If you know things like what skin type you have and what kind of eyes you have (ie. double-eyelid, single-eyelid, deep-set etc- google 'types of eye shape' and see which one looks most like you) then you can google 'oily skin makeup' or 'hooded eyes makeup' etc to see some techniques that will specifically look good for your face type.
The most important thing to remember when it comes to makeup is that applying it is a skill and can be improved with time and practice just like anything else- that, and 'less is more'.
god im so sorry anon, hugs. I really hope you get the help you need.>>337850
ah, thank you, thats a great idea anon. I actually used to love running (and am still somehow in fairly acceptable shape, at least for an alcoholic with a terrible lifestyle lol) , so maybe ill give it a try again.
Therapy also sounds like a good idea, even though I find the idea of talking to a professional about this kinda embarrassing, i probably just need to get over it and tell myself "hey, this doctor sees people like you every day, dont be shy, there is nothing to be ashamed of".
I'd love to become a more healthy and happy person and be a positive influence on my gf's life, not someone who makes her feel worried or miserable.
Thanks so much for the advice and kind words anon, this really helped a lot. I'm super glad that you are feeling better too, much love.
Okay firstly, congrats on making the decision to change.
How does alcohol help you work anon, are you in a stressful environment? Is there anything you could do to help lower your stress levels? If you're working from home maybe you could organise a system where you take regular breaks and go for a walk during your lunch break. What could you change in your environment to make yourself more comfortable (focus on things you can change, not things you can't)? I used to always laugh at people who were seriously into yoga/meditation but it actually does help (or it helped me to sleep better and lower my stress levels anyway). I'd recommend going to a counselor or some kind of support group who could help you manage stress as well as encouraging you to stay sober. It takes a lot of courage to go to these things but I promise that you'll come out of a session feeling so good.
If you've gotten into some kind of habit, do you crave a drink when you pass the fridge? Maybe you should look into alcohol-free drinks which don't taste exactly
the same but they are lower in calories and they might help you to satisfy the urge and trick your brain into thinking it's the same thing (especially in the early stages, they cost almost the same as real alcohol so you'd eventually have to ween yourself off of them too since you want to save money). If you could replace the habit with something healthier (like tea of coffee), you could keep yourself hydrated which help with the bloating. Even if you could get to a stage where you drink coffee or alcohol-free drinks half of the time you'd reach for alcohol, that's still 50% less than what you're drinking now and would be an improvement but it depends on whether you'd prefer to slowly change or go cold turkey and only you know which would work for your personality.
Anyway, good luck anon. I'll be thinking of you.
Passion and drive are fallible. You need discipline to drive passion and ambition, not the other way around. You need to take responsibility for yourself and your actions and make yourself do things and try things and learn things.
Just to clarify, I'm not pretending I'm perfect in this regard at all. I'm anorexic for the same reasons- extremely low motivation and very apathetic and insecure; starving myself is a) easy and b) socially rewarding (its reinforced every time someone compliments me for my body or how thin I am, which is often). It's so easy to just buy into it and play the game of femininity dress up because its rewarding! It makes you feel good, people are nicer too you! But it is HOLLOW. We are young (I'm assuming), our bodies are resilient and have the greatest capacity for strength. Our minds are sharp and quick to learn. Why waste all that potential on throwing away money for validation? Everyone is worth so much more than that, capable of so much more than that. It's hard, and might not be as immediately socially rewarding, and requires a lot of discipline and grit, but in the end would you rather spend your youth perfecting your "look" for photographs and social media and have that be your legacy, or creating a portfolio of art, climbing mountains, learning to throw pots or speak Chinese or play piano or build a boat?
I am in the same hole you are. The first step is realising it's not up to some divine, vague notion of "drive" or "passion", it's about willpower. Art is what I want to achieve, so my goal is to force myself to study drawing for at least an hour a day. Some days I get ten minutes, some days I don't even get out of bed or pick up a pencil, but I always try from scratch again the next day. I work really hard to remind myself that this is my action of creating meaning and finding worth in what I am capable of and in the world around me, not in my appearance and how acceptable or attractive I am to others. It is so, so hard. But you have to do it, and do it, and do it, every day. Learn to simultaneously not make excuses for yourself but also not beat yourself up when you slip up your discipline. You are in the process of building the story of your life and the memories and relics you will look back on in old age. You have to move.
Sorry for ranting. I just see so many of my female friends wasting their youth on their appearance when they could be learning and doing so much with that time and money they invest and it makes me sad and angry that they feel so downtrodden that they can only feel worthwhile in the context of how they look. I feel sad and angry because I am one of them and fighting it is every day.
I'm trying. I've been okay about my appearance but there is a guy I like and who likes me back. I know what he looks like and he's my type, but I'm scared to show pictures of myself bc I feel ugly. That's what's flared up my anxieties. Thank you though, I know that that's a silly reason to be hating on myself but I'm so painfully shy. I'll try harder to focus on the things you've mentioned here because they are pertinent.>>337852
Thank you for this. I do enjoy watching makeup tutorials, so I guess I'll have to practice. It's just hard rn because the cold weather is messing with my skin and making it super dry so I'm trying to not put too many chemicals on my skin.
ah, my work environment is pretty much as relaxed as it could be- I work in software design/development, so im working at home pretty much half the week. Even when I do go in, my colleagues are very nice and mostly quite reserved, so I feel pretty at ease, I can wear casual clothing and so on. I guess the problem is, working is pretty boring, so if im home alone I might think "ah, lets just have 1 small glass of vodka while I work"…and then, by the evening when I finished, it turns into half a bottle.
But that makes me consider that maybe I should go into work and do my work on-site more often, since I cant drink there and also I'm less likely to be bored if I have someone to talk to.
I already drink a lot of coffee, but I would very much like to get back into the habit of chugging green tea 24/7, so I think i'll buy some of those nice floral or fruit flavoured ones to encourage myself to drink more.
I also enjoy alcohol-free beer and diet soda very much, but I try not to indulge too often. I guess it would be better than drinking alcohol if I want a treat, though.
Thanks so much for the helpful advice and motivation anon, you've been really helpful and given me a lot of great ideas to consider, I really, really appreciate it.
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Those anons were not me, I didn't reply at all after that post. I chose to do so yesterday instead of today but because my luck is nonexistent someone saw me lying on the train tracks. Oh well, it was a good try.
You can do it!
Alcohol can really fuck up a person's life in the long run. My father is an alcoholic. In the beginning it wasn't so bad, but steadily over time it rotted his brain and turned him into a horrible person. Who he has become is not at all like the good and funny man he once was, and last year our entire family had no choice but to cut him out of our lives after several years of trying to help him.
Not only is it painful for everyone close to you to lose you bit by bit over time, but you might end up losing them as well. And they would be right to cut you off, which is the worst part.
You're probably young enough to stop this before it even comes close to that. Best of luck to you!
It takes a long time of abusing alcohol to get there, but in addition to all of this, there's peripheral neuropathy. It has really decreased my father's quality of life.
>Signs and symptoms of peripheral neuropathy might include:>Gradual onset of numbness, prickling or tingling in your feet or hands, which can spread upward into your legs and arms>Sharp, jabbing, throbbing, freezing or burning pain>Extreme sensitivity to touch>Lack of coordination and falling>Muscle weakness or paralysis if motor nerves are affected>Heat intolerance and altered sweating>Bowel, bladder or digestive problems>Changes in blood pressure, causing dizziness or lightheadedness
Good luck, anon, hopefully you can turn things around. I know people who haven't touched a drop in decades.
I don't feel entitled to it, but he's putting in 0 effort an just lies a lot in general. And no, it's not like I message him daily, it's more like once a month, if even that>>337921
I'm not 100% over it but also don't care as much about him. Been a shitty day so this just made me mad so I had to vent. You're right tho, I'll stop putting in effort.
Maybe you won't believe this or maybe it doesn't mean anything to you, but I'm glad. I was the first who brought up how traumatizing it is for conducters and then kept thinking "What if…?"
What did those people who saw you say? Where are you now?
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I have a friend whose friend (we know each other, have talked but aren’t really close enough to consider us friends) is the epitome of a transtrender and it’s so fucking annoying.
Like, she constantly talks about how dysphoric she is but then proceeds to buy long haired wigs to cosplay almost exclusively female characters, wears make up, talk about her female body parts, has sex with her boyfriend as normal, and so on.
She’s now at the 5th attempt found a therapists that’s willing to start HRT. I know this is probably fairly evil but I can’t wait to see how it’ll make her look even worse.
But at the same time I’m not at all looking forward to constantly read about how her body is changing. Then again, looking forward to the point she’s starting to realize she isn’t trans, but just retarded. Even though she’d never admit that because being just a boyish looking/dressing bisexual girl isn’t specuhl enough.
I've met SO many girls like this. They harbor a huge amount of internalized misogyny and are very self-conscious about their femininity (due to all the negative things associated with it such as sexual harassment, being seen as weak) which is why they dress boy-like and have "dysphoria" regarding their gender. When they get to cosplay as girl characters they can be someone else and dress up girly-like without any social expectation because they're playing a character instead of having to express their femininity as themselves. It's so sad to see girls succumb to this disease instead of growing a healthy self-image, they're willing to go as far as to mutilate their body to escape the social stigma of how they feel being woman is supposed to be like.
in before "boys can be girly too and gender expression doesn't invalidate my masculinity uwu!!!!"
Successful people who contribute to society have a right to feel good about themselves and proud of what they do. I'm sorry that I don't find your job at McDonalds and your "art" very interesting and would rather hang around someone with ambition and talent. Do I think highly of myself? Yeah, because I scrapped and fought to get where I am and I deserve to. Being talked down to by privileged assholes who waste their parents money and tell me I'm the egotistical one because I'm proud of the fact that I help save lives? You're damn right I am, it's an amazing feeling. It's what I wanted to do my whole life, even growing up in the hell I did. I'm sorry that you never had to miss a meal and that your parents weren't abusive to you and you had a tragically normal childhood, stop projecting your lack of ambition and pride on to me, kthanx. Dealing with it from men is one thing, but other women as well? Infuriating.
Also, people need to stop expecting doctors and nurses to be huggy touchy feely bleeding hearts. Do you have any idea what we see on the daily, and how much of it is caused by your idiocy? And stop thinking we're going to let you die to steal your organs, that literally will never happen.
Tl;dr stop trying to bring down people who are satisfied with their lives just because you're a loser, and stop expecting nurses to be your mommies.
I've had this really bad throbbing pain in my jaw for a few days now and I know that I have to go see a dentist after something gets infected soon and they'll probably just pull everything out and idk i'm probably gonna either kill myself over this or die of blood poisoning or some shit.
How bad are yours atm?
>>338045>bitching about people who work at McDonald's
Yeah, alright. No offense, but every person I know who looks down on minimum wage workers would have a FIT if someone wasn't around to fix em hot fries and a shake.
It's true that not every person in society is going to contribute "meaningful" innovations, but you've got to admit that the people who fix your food, babysit your kids, clean your public bathrooms, and drive your Ubers are contributing to services that make society convenient and civil. While they don't deserve high praise and mansions, they have a place in our society just like you do.
If you can't respect that, then I don't think you're being very insightful.
really awful, although I think it's a genetic thing, but my bullimia and being at lowest point of life and not taking care of it ruined it. I had a big infection which made my mouth swollen, it was so painful I had to be on Narcotics. I also have decay on my front tooth, like it's a gap. 99% of my mollars have cavities and are most likely dead.
I tried going to dentist but I ran away from the office.
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I felt guilty knowing I could traumatise a conductor, but the wish to die was too big. The man who pushed me off the tracks was very helpful and I'm thankful for him. I'm at home after spending the night at the hospital. They are sending me to this outpatient clinic.>>337872
Thank you! I'm thankful for all you guyses words of advice.
Back to farming now. Thankya farmers.
That's fine and all if you're happy being a McDonald's worker or a maid or whatever, just don't shit on me because I get paid more because I had the ambition and put in the time and effort. I'm speaking specifically of a weird phenomena I've ruin into among privileged upper middle class assholes who made shitty choices and now don't live the same lifestyle they feel they're entitled to, who try to drag me down because I'm not in my "proper place" and had clawed my way out of hell and am satisfied with my life.
In general, I don't understand the hatred directed at those who are happy and satisfied with what they do. It's like being depressed and lacking any ambition/dreams is the "cool" thing now. It can go the other way as well, you're right; I work with one doctor who can't understand why his brother is happy being poor and teaching yoga and flipping burgers in Maui, no matter how many times I try to explain it.
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My whole childhood I used to draw imaginary worlds. I would read Harry Potter and dream about someday leaving everything behind and go to hogwarts. I would construct dream worlds that I would enter when I slept. I made characters in that dream world that I grew to love and feel safe with.
Nowadays I just watch YouTube all day. I rewatch videos of certain people because they me feel safe and I love them. Hearing their voice makes me feel so calm and make me forget the real world. I prefer this escapism to real life.
Lately, I’ve been noticing that my escapisms might have made my real life become meaningless. I barely study anymore although I used to be a top student. I don’t draw at all even though I used to have potential. I just don’t find any interest in real world activities when I can just skip some classss and lay in my bed and not move an inch all day. Just escape from my problems.
I know this mindset is bad for me in the long run and I don’t know what to do. The more I lose control of my life the more I escape. It’s a never ending cycle.
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Hey retail and customer service workers, you work hard and deserve as much respect as any human being. Keep it up! We’d all be lost without you
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Having a dumbass typical munchie disease is killing me
I was diagnosed w fibromyalgia about two years ago and im having a terrible time right now
I can barely do day to day tasks yet i try to push myself to do them
Having my family treat me like i am a useless piece of garbage is so painful when im already doing my hardest to try to keep up and i still feel like i am fake
like i could be doing better
yet last time i tried to push my limit i almost fainted
Usually im better than this but these last two months have been unbearable
It sounds like you're having an existential crisis anon.
I had one a while back, I never really got over it. I just keep myself distracted from the void with a bucket list mentality, cause there's so much cool shit I've always to do/see/etc. Assuming that this one life is all I've got, I suppose I don't really have enough time to be sad about the things I can't change.
Lol I don't even have enough time for all of my hopes and dreams.
>>338229>Is everything we do insignificant because in the end we'll just end up restarting or simply disappearing?
Chances are that the end is just that, the end. Everything you do, relatively speaking, probably IS fairly insignificant. This is not cause for despair, in fact it's all the more reason to pursue joy. Your life is just a blip in time, so why not pack as much positivity into it as you can? Love yourself and those around you, and take on all of the risk that entails because you only get one go. Don't throw yourself blindly into hedonism and selfish pleasure, though. Even if it's certain you will die, you cannot remove every trace of your existence. You prove this yourself, with your memories of the one you lost; even after death their existence continues. So live your life with the knowledge that every touch, every smile casts ripples forward in time for long after you yourself have passed. Now smile!
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Even though so much time has already passed I absolutely cannot move past this break up and I'm actually getting worse as time goes on. I don't have any interest in/motivation to do anything anymore and life seems so dull.
You're emotionally attached to super Sonico and porkchop? They're not real, anon.
It'll be ok.
Some BPD girl I have been off and on friends with found my social media again, even after blocking her on near to everything.
It's been an off and on friendship for over 10 years now.
She would lie to me and hurt me everytime, has stolen things from me, I tried so hard to distance myself and she has so many accounts on insta and facebook.
She always comes back into my life and I always give her what she wants until she fucks me over again.
Partially it's because she gives me a sob story and partially because I'm lonely. Last time I saw her, she borrowed a heap of cash and paid back not even a quarter of it and then ghosted me. Now she's back to liking my stuff so I have blocked her, but I'm just waiting for her to get angry at this and start posting my number places or do the usual shit she does in these situations.
I honestly try to be a good friend and a lot of my old friend group was toxic. They would make fun of my looks and how much money I make (I work a minimum wage job) She was the only one that was nice to me, but she was too intense and thought I hated her if I wanted time to myself or if I had to work. Then she would sabotage the relationship by stealing from me or lying about something weird.
She's obsessed with relationships and would ditch me once she found a partner.
I am trying not to be a victim here, I know I am a stupid doormat, but she manipulates me everytime.
I feel very sad when people cry and she genuinely made me worry for her.
Anyway, I'm continuing to block her and stick by my guns, but every couple of years she pops up with a new account I get mixed feelings of anger and sadness and I wish I could just shake her by the shoulders and say THIS IS WHY PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU. I feel sorry for her because she tries desperately to fit in and tries too hard and I can't tell if she's mentally ill and sad or if she's a full blown sociopath and this is a game for her. Either way, I hope she doesn't read here.
Everytime she pops into my head I get extremely upset that people can be this cruel, but I also blame myself for forgiving the behaviour.
First off, don't blame yourself. It's called emotional manipulation / abuse. It's not your fault she's mentally ill and not seeking help.
Second off, her behavior is alarming and could escalate to her quickly weasling back into your life/stealing from you, and just being a shitty person.
Third off, it is not your job, not your responsibility, not your problem to fix her. Period. You owe her nothing. The only thing you should do is keep blocking her and move on. Additionally, if she is really posting your personal info online and you can get proof of that WITHOUT putting yourself in a dangerous position, start collecting evidence so you can contact police in case it escalates further.
Okay, so beyond that, which we can summarize as "Keep her the fuck out of your life or she'll come back and abuse you again", I have some other advice for you, anon.
Do you still work at your job? Are you in school? What are your hobbies (besides lolcow farm, of course)? Do you feel comfortable that, for example, the people at your job might be a good, non-toxic group to casually hang out with? (NOTE- I'm assuming you work retail or hospitality of some sort. People in those fields professionally are almost universally bad news. I'm a professional restaurant manager and I would never ever associate with a good 90% of my employees because their baggage is so bad and toxic. But, that does depend on the company and the culture, too, something to think about) Do you have family or other relatives in your life?
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I've got prescribed 8 different medications somehow. 3 of them are basically placebo (shitty russian medical care, don't ask) and I'm not going to take them. The 5 that are left don't help me with what I came to the doctors with at all, but help other issues I have.
I feel like I eat more pills than I do food.
I don't mind pills, but I'm not ill enough to need that many pills. I feel like I'm an old person in a hospice with the amount of drugs I have to take to be barely functional and it still doesn't solve all of my problems.
I just want to be able to sleep and my psychiatrist won't prescribe me sleeping pills and none of the over the counter options work at all. I've literally tried them all. Every technique to fall asleep too.
Everything is shitty and I want to just cold turkey quit all the meds, but I know it's a bad idea.
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Finding out that Frances Dana Baker Gage literally edited Sojourner Truth's iconic speech to sound as uneducated, stereotypical and "black slave mammy" tier as possible has really killed my mood.
I mean, what the actual fuck? How do you go from the left to the right and not feel like racist, shameful garbage the entire time?
I can't even describe how angry I would be if I spoke up to a whole room full of people more powerful than me, only to have some retard purposely change my words into ghetto babble 12 years later, then have their shitty, illiterate-sounding caricature affixed to me forever. Holy hell.
I totally see where you’re coming from.
There’s this girl I went to High School with. Middle class family, grew up in the suburbs, had very supportive parents etc.
She chose to take screen writing classes in college and also took classes at Second City. She later moved to New York where she worked at the NBC store and took UCB classes. She put so much money into something that was destined to fail from day one.
She obviously had to move back in with her parents a few years ago. Now she’s 28, still living with her parents and works in a dog shelter while crying about how miserable she is.
And this is the kind of stuff I have zero understanding for either. You had all means to become a successful, functioning member of society but instead chose to chase an immature dream of making it in the show biz.
I would kill to have had those chances.
My bf is currently out of town every second week and timing just isn’t on our side.
The first week he was here I got sick, second week he did, third week I was on my period and next time he’ll be here I’ll be out of town. So we didn’t have sex for like 2 months and I’m dying. We did do stuff via video chat but I miss the real thing.
Can’t wait for this to be over.
Thanks kind anon.
I moved alot as a kid a didn't have solid friend groups.
In highschool I moved into a nice area when my dad got a better job and I made friends with a few different groups but never felt like I was in, more like a tagalong.
Anyway, I moved out at 18 and continued to work after finishing highschool fulltime, while the toxic friends I mentioned were able to live at home and study and live rent free. Almost all of them have law degrees which only one of them used. The rest work in retail like me. The only difference is they work in the city at high end clothing stores and I work in a walmart type store.
I do the best I can at my job and have had employee of the month a couple of times and I earn okay money, but they make fun of me for wearing a daggy uniform. I would love to study but it's difficult to support myself but I have been looking at unis. Because I was the only one that didn't go to uni and have a habit of wearing old scruffy things until they wear out I guess they make jokes a lot about it. I also have a bit of a rough family so I became a joke to the group.
One of them was an extremely catty gay guy who was able to make everything seem so fun but say something and take your self esteem away like that. I've always been skinny like a beanpole but he would goad me all the time about my weight and looks in a guise of being bitchy and playful but it has definitely fucked my self esteem and changed my eating habits.
I sometimes go from feelings of wanting them all back (it's been years, I'm in my late 20s now) because we had fun times and I'm lonely, to feelings of anger and sadness. Like how I feel about this girl.
Sorry for writing a sob story, just trying to give some context.
Thankyou for listening.
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I'm becoming retarded. I spent all morning laughing out loud about the "Ridley is too big" meme instead of preparing for my exam
I understand your anxiety, Anon. Please don’t beat yourself up about not meeting your own expectations.
Consider treating yourself well and try to enjoy your Christmas as much as you possibly can.
You deserve better, Anon. And she doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of seeing you upset.
I don’t recommend rushing into a new relationship but rather take time to improve you relationship with yourself. Explore your local city by yourself. Take in the world around you and see how it benefits from you being in it.
Getting to know a new place takes time. I know being alone is debilitating but allow yourself to keep trying.
Maybe try taking a class or do some exercise outside of your home. Start small. Like small walks and such.
You’re not alone with your feelings but you have so much potential to find people that make you feel wanted. Just provide them to yourself and your positivity.
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My heart is phisically hurting way more than I can bare, it's completely psychosomatic since I have no heart condition, and I have no idea what to do.
Everything is awful, all i ever do is disappoint people and fuck everything up, I wish I was never born or could become someone else, everything just keeps getting worse ;_;
Karma is questionable but the way you feel is just simple guilt. You have a big heart that understands that the judgment of others personal appearance is tearing them down.
Your feelings of becoming ugly is just the result of misplaced negativity.
Try to impead your judgment of others and focus on the positivity in your life.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, Anon.
I recommend deep breathing exercises and developing a solid bed time routine.
You aren’t a waste of life and if things keep getting worse there’s always something you can do to cheer yourself up. You’re worth being here. You can do this, Anon!
I'm sorry, it's really tough being alone in a new country and dealing with culture shock on top of it. Are you a stay at home wife out of necessity (disability, kids, immigration issues, etc.) or are you able to work? I ask this because maybe you could try getting a part time job - not necessarily taking on a lot of hours/responsibility, but something lowkey and chill like working a few days out of the week at a specialty store related to a hobby of yours, like an art store or whatever. It'd get you out of the house and meeting new people and making friends without the pressure of "hanging out", you just chat while you work. (Plus pocket money, which is never a bad thing lol.)
Whatever ends up happening, I hope you find happiness in your new country eventually! Best of luck.
I absolutely cannot stand to have my possessions damaged, broken, in any way not perfect. It fills me with constant rage and irritation. Someone scraped the side of my car pretty badly earlier this year, and it then became open season for everyone to scratch and ding it. It literally keeps me up at night and I get snippy talking to people whenever I think of it. It was mine and it was perfect, now it's not.
My boyfriend also frequently damages my things (I know that's bad). At the moment my vape has a few dents in it, my headphone mic's 3.5 jack is bent, and my laptop's wifi card is damaged and needs to be plugged into Ethernet to work. It just fills me with incandescent rage. My laptop was PERFECT, but in the last year I have had to replace the screen twice. It's like it isn't mine anymore. And my fucking phone, from a combination of me dropping it and it being thrown, the home button fell off so I have to use the onscreen keyboard, and there are cracks on the bottom portion.
I care more about my possessions than fucking anything, even myself. I can't stand for my carefully selected items to not be pristine. So sick of being constantly angry about it. Literally REEEEEEE
Are you me????? Holy shit. My ex is exactly like this, dating this guy she's constantly telling me she doesn't feel anything for, but she spends so much time with him (that doesn't bother me like its not my business who she spends time with but when she goes from spending a week straight with him to getting me to hang out with her so she can complain that men are soooo shit and she doesn't love him like.. gets on my nerves).
Like I wouldn't care but she keeps me as like a fallback plan, shit literally sucks so much. I'm her "well if there's nothing else".
Also she gave me mad internalised homophobia because of the way she treated me so I can't bear to interact sexually with other women because I feel like a fucking predator. So I can't even fuck someone to get over her.
Anon, are you me? I'm in the exact same boat. I'm also going to be 30 in a matter of two years and I still haven't figured out what I want to do.
Retail isn't an option for me either, I have such trauma from interacting with people that I had to neet for a few months after quitting because I had serious trauma, from sexual harassment, fucking stalker, to extremely rude customers. People like to take out all their frustrations and issues on you. Working in retail apparently signals to people that they can abuse you. They probably don't even see them as human.
I don't care about making it big, I want a solitary job away from people. I don't care if I need to get my hands dirty, just let me do something. I have a few hobbies but none that would make a good source of income.
But as I'm getting older, I can see my opportunities narrowing and I need to decide which path I need to take. It's not like 30 is a breakpoint but it does feel like I need to start getting my shit together.
I've been learning to code and doing silly projects for a few years now, but you mentioned that you don't want to spend a lot of time at pc, so I guess that's out of question?
I wanted to study electrical engineer because I like robotics, however going back to school means more years not building a career. I hate this feeling. I have troubles of falling asleep because I keep thinking that I need to fix my life. It sucks.
Sorry for not being helpful, but I just don't know. My friend got a job at a morgue and she's happy with work. Not only is the pay great, but she works decent hours and no one bothers her. Technically you work with people but hey can't complain. I'm still jealous of her. She just walked in and got the job with no experience in that field.
Also, I wanted to add that another friend of mine makes jewelry and sells it on etsy.
You said that you liked working with hands so maybe pottery, jewelry, or knitwear would be a good start? It may not be the most reliable income but it is a start.
Thanks anon, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this boat (I am also 28). I don't want to "waste" time in school when I could be building a career either, but since I have no career to work towards currently I have to make a decision.
I am in a pretty good situation as my partner has a decent job and makes enough to support us, but both of us want to save to buy a house and a car, so I really want to get my shit together so I can contribute to that dream. I wouldn't mind even just working in a hobby shop or pet shop, but no one around me is hiring, and due to relying on public transportation my options are a bit limited.
I actually thought about learning how to make bath bombs and stuff and selling it on etsy. I like doing crafts and I do draw and paint as a hobby. (I've considered going to art school - it's what I wanted to do when I graduated - but it seems pointless as I'm not exceptionally talented nor could I make a career of it.)
The dream would be to get a trainee position where I learn on the job like your friend did, but those don't crop up too often.
same as you guys, but there's NOTHING wrong with not knowing what you want to do at 26, 28, 30, etc and choosing to go back to school late. most things people choose suck, man. i look at most career paths and i'm like "why would you choose this amount of responsibility and have to pay for it?" and for pretty low pay. hell, even like, lawyers, i'd rather make no money than have all their money and that amount of responsibility. going back to school late is honestly the smartest thing to do, especially if you guys live in burgerland. a lot of kids have their parents financial cushion and they waste it, or they just end up $100k down with a degree they don't want to use, etc. for those of us without pre-paid college or parents backing us, it's smart to wait and just take your time rather than just jumping into things the way most people do. most people just choose whatever just to 'get a degree' and aren't in love with it, so we're really not that behind in the grand scheme of things unless we want to envy people that aren't particularly pleased with the path they've chosen (and that's a lot of people tbh).
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but anon, how do i even figure out what i want to do in the first place?
I don't know what to do. I'm almost 30 and have no education, no job experience, no friends, no skills, no connections, can't drive, never had a relationship…basically a complete failure.
My brother's always been abusive and he fucked my life up so much I still cry thinking about how my life could have been without him. I tried to find a job to save money so I can get away from him but have never been successful. I applied to universities but got rejected everywhere. I tried to upgrade my high school marks to get into uni but, being the retard piece of shit I am, found it massively difficult and incomprehensible. And if I can't even handle high school courses uni is out of the question. Therapy and medication hasn't helped. I considered working holiday, but if I can't even land a crappy MacDonalds job here how will I find a job in another country? I feel like I've exhausted every option and whatever I try is doomed to fail. All I ever want is to be able to live a normal life with jobs and dating and friends but that seems like an impossible dream, especially as years go by. Nothing I do will ever make a difference and nothing will ever change. I'll never escape my family and this rut I'm stuck in. Every year I held on, thinking 'maybe next year will be better' but it just gets worse every year and I can't take it anymore.
I miss being younger. Back then even if I was miserable I still had hopes for a better future. Now I have no future.
Why dont you start at a community college that literally accepts everyone? It saves you money too because you'll just be taking basics first. 30 is still young, there are 60 year olds attending classes at college. Life doesn't stop at 30.
Also, places like McDonalds will hire you. They hire everyone but seasonal is the worst time to start because your coworkers will think you're just there for a few months and therefore ignore you or treat you like shit. You need to start applying for jobs in the summer, and hopefully you don't settle for mcdonalds or fast food. There's much better food and retail jobs available that accept anybody. Go to the mall, supermarket, warehouses, or work at a restaurant to save up money.
I'm really not over some fuck I went on a lunch date with 3 months ago who ended up rejecting me afterwards.
We weren't even compatible, and from spotting him around campus his body isn't attractive to me anymore (he's lifting weights). I'm just stuck with the fantasies I had of him back during the first few days at uni and the personality I'd projected onto him.
Hopefully this issue stops recurring if I get an actual boyfriend. I just want a tiny boyfriend to cuddle with.>>339077
Please don't end your life for current lack of friends + bf anon. I know it's a bpd thing to think in extremes, but just because you have none now doesn't mean this is forever. You're only 20, after all.
Do you have any hobbies? Why not join a group/take some classes centered around them and meet people that way? Or meet people online in discords or something?
It is considerably harder if you're shy, I'll admit. I wish I had advice for that but when it comes down to it all you can do is force yourself into situations until it starts to feel easier.
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i have actual autism with pure-ocd level fixations and i'm obsessed with my boyfriend's ex for some reason
like, she was an abusive rapist, a pedophile and honestly kinda homely but i can't stop stalking her social media for some reason, my boyfriend is very kind to me and in love with me and our relationship is amazing, but my fucking obsessions are like a monkey in my head thrashing around and making me feel insecure and guilty for no reason. hell this relationship is from when my boyfriend was in high school and she was inappropriately older, about 19 and in college. he has more or less completely forgotten about her and i only know her bc he shared with me early on about how he dated a girl with bpd and it was very intense yet awful
i think it's because she had borderline personality disorder and hence their relationship was unusually sexually intense and i am incapable of sexual intensity
my boyfriend makes it clear to me that he is very sexually attracted to me and not disappointed by my low sex drive but nonetheless i feel insecure about the fact that i'm not neurotypical, and thus i feel like i'm "lacking" something that he may have been able to have before. knowing the logical reality that he is charmed by my autism doesn't change my fixation at all
i am also afraid of her trying to harass me or my bf on some level too. when i was cyberstalking her she still had pictures of my boyfriend up from years ago. it was very odd. she moved to the area that my boyfriend lives and wrote weird poems referencing him fairly recently despite her constantly being in relationships.
all these feelings knowing that she was a cunt and abusive makes me feel really guilty too. i'm also really angry at her and i would deck her irl if i wasn't of tiny stature
i saw her on an airplane once when i was going to see my boyfriend and i had weird paranoid obsessions about how it was a "sign" for weeks that i just kept inside and didn't tell anyone about
i just want my brain to let me be free from these fucking fixations and fears. i wish there was some medication i could take that would make these obsessions and my guilt go away.
just, fuck. i talk to my boyfriend about this sometimes because i feel a need to confess my perceived guilt to people a lot as a part of my weird brain but i don't want to wear on his seemingly infinite patience and ruin my own relationship
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How is this bullshit any different from the 'letters from Ana/Mia' crap that early 00s anorexics had all over their blogs? Only difference is that this is clearly written from the perspective of a man who sexualises fat women, what a surprise.
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yeesh..i mean….everyone has their thing..
I found it funny tbh
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DYEL? Don't TELL me y'all are giving up before at LEAST hitting 1pl8 for reps. Why make your waist smaller when you can make it RELATIVELY smaller, while SIMULTANEOUSLY increasing FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH. How are you ever going to cast off the YOKE of OPPRESSION when you CAN'T EVEN HIT DEPTH. SQWATZ. AND. OATS. YEAAAAH!!!
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It always feels like a scene from EVA. Mindless farmers slowly picking apart a cow instead of delivering real killing blows with insight or wit.
Appearance isn't milky, it's so low level and vapid. The real milk lies within the mind of cows, expressed as their behavior and thoughts. If you put the mind Luna Slater into a physically perfect woman, she would still be a massive cow.
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…uuuh, I mean even if they were riding a bike do they really have the capacity to obey human traffic laws?
>>337409>I don't understand how this site is getting both increasingly radfem but also increasingly misogynistic.
I wonder that too. I think a lot of the radfem users stay on ot. I've learned to ignore the nitpicking.
I do wonder if some radfems do like to nitpick here kek. Because a lot of radfems elsewhere uniformly love the idea of landwhale acceptance to spite teh menz.>>339031>>339037
Volunteering can be good because it can get you references. >>339042
You need to have tougher skin and more persistence if you want to do online dating. Everyone will end up bad dates. Just don't take it personally. Also yeah "dating app" is mostly a euphemism. >>339159
It's not that you browsed 4chan. It seems like you've been browsing /b/ lmao. Why do you care if some rando masturbates to you?
I'm sorry anon. That guy was a dickhead and retarded to boot. Seriously, anyone over the age of 12 knows not to be on your phone during a date and not being able to hold a conversation during 1 on 1 bonding time? Cmon. I'm glad he just ended up leaving bc you dodged a bullet.>>339383>Why do you care if some rando masturbates to you
Ew, what's wrong with you? You wouldn't feel violated if someone was filming you? It's disrespectful and illegal, for starters. Seek help.
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I'm 21 and I've never had sex. I'm not saving myself, never have, but I never got the opportunity to hang around guys much and actually do anything. I want to do it but I don't know how to pick up guys. I guess I'm also scared (diseases, asshole guys). I'm not under the delusion that your first time needs to be amazing or memorable in any way but I'd like it to not suck completely.
Men are so retarded. He really thinks he can ignore you entirely and then get sex?
I was thinking these apps should be called "Free Sex" because that's how 98% of guys approach it.
I'm not talking about filming you dipshit. I'm talking about people masturbating to your public facebook pictures. >>339519
Maybe you should be more picky about who you match with.