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No. 286998
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>How do you deal with being on the spectrum?I’m not necessarily “dealing with it”. This past year, I’ve kind of socially isolated myself. Most of my time is spent alone in my bedroom, a predictable environment where I feel safe. I’ve had social anxiety since middle school and find interacting with people exhausting. Therapy and medication never worked.
>Are you getting special needs benefits?For some reason I never qualified for special ed in school, despite failing the majority of my classes, notably math-oriented subjects. Sadly, I’m not some autistic savant. I still live with my parents for now, but that’s not too bad considering my current age. I don’t see a bright future ahead for me though considering how I’ve done in highschool and the general ASD employment statistics.
http://aspergersmn.org/history-traits-answer-mn/statistics-answer-mn/>12% Full-time employment rate for individuals with High Functioning Autism and Asperger’sDoesn’t surprise me. I’m scared of developing into a NEET.
>How does it affect your daily life?I have literally no friends. The majority of the social interactions I hold are online and I even get anxious doing that, because I’m constantly worrying I’ll run out of things to say and make the conversation awkward. Irl conversations, especially small-talk, are another realm of hell for me. Eye contact is impossible to hold and feels extremely intimate and awkward. Unintentionally, I come off as cold and uninterested.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/single-with-autism-its-complicated/article14797656/>According to a groundbreaking report published this year by Toronto's Redpath Centre, people with ASDs are disproportionately single compared with the rest of the population. Only 32.1 per cent of those surveyed indicated they ever had a partner, while 9 per cent stated they were currently married. In the general population, meanwhile, about half of all adults are married.Not trying to throw myself a pity party, but being this way is hard! Are you on the spectrum yourself, OP?
No. 287001
>>286998I'm not on the spectrum but I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety and I can relate to your experience regarding social interaction and being lonely. I remember reading that people on the spectrum ar at risk of developing social anxiety due to being bullied when young because of their awkwardness. What other symptoms do you present anon?
Are you feeling sad about your situation?
No. 287003
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Can go to the supermarket and not stim, even when it’s crowded.
No. 287004
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>>287001I never was bullied as a kid but was embarassingly socially unaware and have moments that keep me up at night. Also i was
almost sort of a bully myself. My entire school experience was a shitshow basically.
I have some comorbid sensory issues, like misophonia (certain sounds irritate me to the point of tears) and ocd (cannot stand clutter). Another reason im in my (neat) bedroom constantly with noise-cancelling headphones on. I also barely have a relationship with my parents and feel awkward saying “i love you” to them.
I’m pretty anxious about my current situation and have been diagnosed with dysthymia (basically a constant, mild depression). I feel like 80% of the time im either numb, depressed, or irritated. My personality is awful. I spend a lot of time daydreaming scenarios in my head (usually romantic ones, lol) while laying in bed and they bring me some happiness.
>>287003Thats good anon, I have an addiction to cracking my joints. Like, all of them, especially my hands. Pretty sure I’ve aged my bones prematurely because my back hurts a lot.
No. 287014
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>>286470Am I on the spectrum?
>Socially awkward as a child to the point of being placed in a weekly special class in elementary school, but this was long before autism awareness>Being "not like the other kids" (in more ways than just socially) led me to embrace my outsider status, yet even within outsider social groups I feel like an awkward outsider most of the time>Sometimes joke, laugh, or smile inappropriately, not because of anxiety but resulting in anxiety>When speaking often repeat myself several times for no reason >Excelled academically, particularly in rule oriented disciplines such as math, grammar and research, but found abstract concepts challenging>Very comfortable with male friends (and have had boyfriends) who are on the spectrum although not necessarily diagnosed themselves>Identify closely with the traits of OCPD which sometime impede my daily functioning>Will beleaguer a point of debate by utilising facts well beyond the tolerance of others and in excess of the value of the debate itself; often accused of being "autistic" for this behavior>Use pedantic and formal speech, grammer, and vocabulary; sometimes described as being pretentious as a result>Tend to refrain from emotionally supporting others in online fora (it never really occurs to me); sometimes accused of being cold, insensitive or even intolerant as a result>By contrast, in close interpersonal relationships I can become too emotional too quickly and behave irrationally in a cluster B way>I have had many intense shortlived friendships in several social circles, but none have lasted to the present time even in the context of staying in touch when friends have moved away>I am estranged from my family>Diagnosed with Bipolar I and agree with the diagnosis, but I have known for a long time that disordered mood is not the limit of my dysfunction>Have been self-employed since college as my personality traits tend to make working for others in something about which I am passionate ultimately intolerable>Shit, am I as horrible a person as I come across in this description? No. 287019
>>287014You’d need to speak to a developmental psychologist anon. That’s how I was diagnosed as an adult (crazy mother preferred to think I was an indigo child or otherwise magic and not just sperging)
Usually it’s diagnosed in childhood based on observation and failure to meet certain milestones or reaching them late. To diagnose you now, it would require extensive interviewing and observation, plus historical accounts of your behaviour from family and pediatricians etc. it’s hard to diagnose adults because in cases that aren’t obvious the person has learned to mask symptoms. Tbh if it’s not affecting your day to day life, it’s not worth the hassle and label.
No. 287020
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>>286998Yes I am, I go to a lot of male oreintated special needs programs so I was hoping to speak to some other women about it
I was diagnosed when I was quite young and I didn’t agree with the diagnosis at all, I used sites like Enclyopedia Dramatica that said being autistic was the worst thing possible and made you stupid, useless, etc
I begged for them to take the diagnosis off but my actions just made them reaffirm I was even more
Anyway, now I have came to terms with it, i relate a lot with your story, I am practically house bound and struggling to not have NEET status my taking online classes
I struggle a lot with eye contact too, do you sometimes forget you are doing it? It feels so natural to do it I will only notice it when someone comments on it
Yes this really doesn’t help with relationships, let alone friendships, I’m sorry you also have to suffer with this anon friend, I understand how isolating this crap can be
>>287003That’s good, controlling those impulses is not an easy task, before I was diagnosed my big stim was wrapping my arms around myself and rocking (like hugging yourself) whenever I felt uncomfortable in a situation, which until I began controlling meant I got a lot of unimpressed looks
>>287014Only you can truly know, but I think some of those traits do line up, specifically being found as being pretentious despite not trying to be, which I have found in every other aspergers sufferer I’ve spoken with (including myself)
Do you also speak in dramatics a lot? Like when you retell a story to you exaggerate to a unbelievable degree, or make one person seem a lot worse/better than they actually were? APD people see past events a lot like movies, where they don’t see themselves in that memory but instead a casual observer seeing events occur. This means they will speak as if the memory wasn’t real and exaggerate points (sorry for the long explanation haha)
Try taking this test if you want, but like
>>287019 said the label is a lot more of a hinderance when you are too old to receive devolpmental help, the best help adults get are group APD sessions (which can vary from awkward to uncomfortable)
But at the very least this should give a clearer picture of what traits you have:
https://aspietests.org/userdetails.php?target=/raads/questions.php No. 287024
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>>287020First anon you replied to here. I like speaking w/ other aspie women because of the relatability. I find that male aspies tend to have less self awareness and also are a bit worse at masking, but that might just be my experience.
Yep, i used to feel hurt a couple years ago about how autism was talked about online and how people would use “autistic” as an insult. It’s become a part of chan culture at this point, ive stopped being bothered by it though.
Efforts to leave the house usually go something like this:
>”maybe if i go in public, someone will talk to me…”>walk around mall aimlessly for an hour>see groups of people my age hanging out together happily>feel worse>leaveMay as well just rot in my room instead of wasting gas.
I dont really have anyone i am close enough to make eye contact with, but when i did a while ago, i didn’t even notice the transition. I guess gradually my brain told me it was ok to look that person in the eye.
I hope your online classes are going well, anyways! What’re you studying? I have absolutely no career-wise or academic plans..
No. 287040
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>>287024>It’s become a part of chan culture at this point, ive stopped being bothered by it though.don't be bothered, no one on imageboards is truly being negative saying "you autist", mostly it's consciously doing this:
No. 287041
>>287020
>Do you also speak in dramatics a lot? Like when you retell a story to you exaggerate to a unbelievable degree, or make one person seem a lot worse/better than they actually were? APD people see past events a lot like movies, where they don’t see themselves in that memory but instead a casual observer seeing events occur. This means they will speak as if the memory wasn’t real and exaggerate points.Yes. When I socialise with new people I resort to storytelling events wherein I am a character. I also feel like I have a closet of personas, none of which are false but which are different versions of myself, selected based on the situation and people I am with. But I always attributed these behaviors to cluster B traits and having been raised to perform (literally on stage since a child).
Dear Google, what is the differential for ASD and OCPD and Borderline?
No. 287044
>>287020People who side-eye things that are kind of obviously autism related (mostly stimming) can go to hell.
I still flap my hands occasionally but I lucked out and most of them just made me look impatient or nervous (clicking, knuckle cracking, twisting fingers)
So many people instantly associate the small behavioural stuff with being really cognitively fucked up. My in-laws have been weird for four years now until it finally clicked that I’m not intellectually slow, just high strung, introverted, and obsessive. They’d freak if they ever heard the echolalia that used to happen.
Tbh occasionally I will take advantage of people thinking I might be a bit feeble minded, for things like being bumped up the line in queues or making someone I dislike uncomfortable. Gotta make the best of it lol.
Best tip for eye contact, focus on their Forehead or the bridge of their nose.
No. 287078
I was diagnosed with Aspergers right before I had to move from the kids’ psychiatric outpatient clinic to the adult one. I didn’t take the diagnosis very well and felt it was ‘unfair’ because the therapists were interviewing me for it during a very vulnerable time for me where I was high on a new, experimental medicine cocktail and locked up in a psychiatric ward for suicidal behavior.
I felt like they’d essentially taken by personality and interpreted it as a set of disordered symptoms rather than me just being me. I felt like a walking disorder, not a person, as melodramatic as that sounds. I mockingly referred to myself as socially retarded in the beginning out of spite at myself for how worthless I felt. Basically being a chronically depressed, suicidal, self-loathing teenage girl and getting a diagnosis that was so universally ridiculed wasn’t a very good combo.
Now that I’m a bit older I’ve learned to cope and I’ve been able to experience the perks of having this diagnosis. There are a lot of resources in my country for people with disabilities and when you’re on the spectrum you have access to all sorts of resources that your average person does not. For example, because I wasn’t able to finish high school and am on the spectrum; now as I’m studying my remaining subjects towards a high school diploma, in addition to municipal adult education being completely free in my country I also have the right to student financial aid every month without having to take a loan.
I now also have an explanation for some of my problems that I had previously assumed were personal flaws or just me being a giant baby, like how I’m over-sensitive to sounds and can’t handle social situation for very long before I get too mentally exhausted. I suffer from non-epileptic seizures as well, which I think can now be explained by my low stress threshold and aspie-induced oversensitivity (towards things like sound and overwhelming visual impressions like being surrounded by moving crowds or blinking lights), as well as me not being able to finish high school because of my school being absolute shit with kids who acted like monkeys and a lot of teachers who were complacent and just let them rage.
My sister works a lot with kids who are on the spectrum so she’s quite knowledgeable of it and often helps me find coping methods to do things that are difficult for me, like setting up routines and handling stress.
All in all, a few years after I had a complete meltdown over my diagnosis, I’m doing just fine.
No. 287824
I was diagnosed when I was 20 years old. I’m recognised as a disabled person and I receive the minimum to live plus mandatory therapy two times a week. How I deal with it? Very badly. I think it sucks. I’m embarassed to say what I’m diagnosed for and I’m tired of people always asking “but have you tried to be normal?” “are you trying enough?” “why don’t you try do go outside your comfort zone?”.
I’m not close to my family at all. I only have two friends that I see once or twice a month because going out more it’s difficult. But I’m glad I’ve found two people that understand how I am and are not mad at me for how I am.
>>287706Agree. Some of the people in the “aspie community” are so blatantly fake it’s ridiculous.
No. 293683
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I'm 21 and am on the spectrum. (was first diagnosed with social anxiety, then ADD, then ADD/atypical autism a year ago - but both of my brothers have early diagnosed asperger's and it all fits me as well) I was bullied/shunned a lot growing up for being odd/ugly/whatever. I managed to have friends-ish but I never actually liked hanging out that much, and a common thing for me when I was a tween was flat out refusing to meet up with friends because I was too tired. I didn't understand that it could upset people and make them feel rejected and in turn cause people to reject me. Getting and keeping friends got harder and harder as I got older and now I have very few actual female friends. I have some male ones, and although I love my closest male friend and the conversations we have it'd be nice to have some real nerdier female (possibly aspies) friends to talk about stuff we both understand well.
I was borderline mute during some years of high/middle school. As in, did not open my mouth unless I was at home. I still have issues talking properly and making myself heard/avoiding sounding extremely croaky.
>>287004 lmao I also got diagnosed with persistent dysthymia and crack my joints all the time as a weird "makes me feel safe" thing. Same with the back/bone worries, it's been an anxiety point for a few years or so (yet I'm too lazy to actually work on it)
No. 299373
>>294250never too late - though sorry i'm late to respond.
thank you for thinking of me, i looked into it but it doesn't really resonate with me. i'm very emotional and desire closeness and intimacy very much.
i think my social maladjustment is more to do with the neglect, abuse and bullying i experienced from early childhood to adulthood.
my camhs team seemed more interested in finding examples of female autists to present at conferences than actually listening to me, so i'm suspicious of the dx and their choice to use me as a case study.
No. 299432
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>>29368321/f here too, though I don't think I have autism. If anything, I'd say I'm overly conscious of social situations and other people's impressions/emotions… and I've read that autism/Asperger's is usually the opposite of that in many ways. it was very debilitating in my youth because I was so, so terrified of messing up and embarrassing myself. I remember the feeling of walking on eggshells to ensure that my peers would never "find out"… but find out what, I still don't know. (I'm an only child, so a lot of my weirdness I have historically chalked up to just. being fucking alone all the time growing up. lol.)
sage for blogposting / not really contributing anything interesting. I just wanted to touch on the lack of female friends part, because I have struggled with that since puberty. I feel like maybe "young me" bubbles to the surface and I turn into a voyeur instead of a participant. As if I need to see how the female stranger(s) behave(s) before I do, because in my mind, they would be the first to notice something "off."
No. 299442
>>299435I forgot to specify, sorry
It was all online, and "implied" IRL,
they said I was too anxious. [the IRL situations that is, my mom and dad were told I was too "anxious" to be with other people]
No. 299490
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I posted this on cc but wanted to post it here too since this site is less dead.
What do you think of this website?
http://heartlessaspergers.com/aspergers-partners-speak/Supposedly, it’s about how
traumatizing it is to be in a relationship with an autistic person. It contains a bunch of “testimonials” from spouses of autistic men. I also noticed that the site doesn’t really mention female autists, just male ones. Pic related is from the site.
>>293683This is a semi-old post but I’m the anon you replied to. I didn’t really start thinking about my autism until I realized how much it impacts my personality.You sound a lot like me. You said you wanted some female aspie friends, and I’d have no problem posting my discord if you wanted that!
>>299311Do you post on cc? Your typing style looks familiar. I have trouble integrating with society as well and am also teetering on the edge of NEEThood. We can be friends if you’d like.
No. 299493
>>299490>Supposedly, it’s about how traumatizing it is to be in a relationship with an autistic person. It contains a bunch of “testimonials” from spouses of autistic men.Uhm, yes anon, getting abused by your husband is traumatizing…?
This was literally the 4th example hat showed up when I clicked on the link you posted. "supposedly
tramatizing" and "testimonials"? You disagree and excuse that behavior, or what?
>Sitting in the kitchen in the evening, Harry was verbally cruel. At that time I knew all about the Asperger’s arrogance and uncontrollable urge to belittle anyone who didn’t have his special knowledge and didn’t share his opinions. It was exposed to me almost every day and I had trained myself not to pay attention because it was too stressful for me. But this time he was unusually verbally cruel. He did not respond to my requests to stop, but increased the cruel verbal abuses. I was exhausted and in despair…
>Smash. He struck me violently. I lay on the kitchen floor and bled. He kept beating me hard. At every stroke he shouted furiously: ‘I’ve never hit you, I’ve never hit you, I’ve never hit you.’ I was terrified. He went on and on; I couldn’t move. He did not stop beating me, until I begged: ‘It is my fault, pleeease forgive me.’ I called our friend, the only person who knew the truth. I was stunned at how Harry spoke with such control and was so friendly on the phone, as if nothing had happened. … He never apologized after the violent abuse. He never expressed any remorse.” No. 299495
>>299493The reason I consider the website dubious is because the testimonials seem to be written by the same person.
I’m not excusing abusive behavior. What I don’t like are people who make sweeping generalizations. I also don’t like the idea that because autists have trouble relating to people that they lack sympathy. The website’s message is
problematic.
No. 299497
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>>299496Should I have used a different word, anon? You haven’t negated my point.
No. 299501
>>299497Are you LARPing as a textbook autist?? Just now I quoted this
>…Asperger’s arrogance and uncontrollable urge to belittle anyone who didn’t have his special knowledge and didn’t share his opinions…and now you're doing the same by pulling out the definition of a word, loved by tumblr (and I'm sure you know that exactly), just to prove your superiority and my "dumbness"? lol
No. 299502
>>299501You’re insulting me but you still haven’t negated my point. Am I incorrect for believing that a website that propogates the trope that autists are callous sociopaths is… yes, ~
problematic~? Do you want to have a discussion?
No. 299505
>>299432>21/f here too, though I don't think I have autism. If anything, I'd say I'm overly conscious of social situations and other people's impressions/emotions… and I've read that autism/Asperger's is usually the opposite of that in many ways.I’m the same (being overly sensitive to and conscious of the behavior and impressions/emotions of others in social situations and having always been extremely terrified of embarrassing myself/stepping on toes etc.) but I still got the Asperger diagnosis because there were so many other symptoms I checked off re: hypersensitivity to sounds and other stimuli, problem with eye contact, trouble thinking ‘outside the box’, obsessive-compulsive behavior etc.
You don’t have to be a caricature to benefit from a diagnosis, anon. Sometimes the seemingly little things can stack up to the point where it makes it difficult for you function and it can be a great help to have access to resources. Sometimes you just need a little help to find ways to cope and live your best life and that’s okay.
No. 299507
>>299432not personally on the spectrum, but have 2 Asperger friends, one is just like you anon.
For example, she explained that despite having trouble with some social cues, reading emotions on people's faces and tact, she can sense what people feel, like one time she just stared at me and told me "you're exhausted mentally, I feel it". (
and she was right)
She says she has trouble with getting some jokes sometimes and such, but she's actually very observant and conscious of tensions, changes etc. She was finally diagnosed with Aspergers at 18, she always thought her weirdness came from being a gifted child, and after many therapist sessions and finally passing a test, she was diagnosed after years of confusion and feeling like she didn't belong.
when she got her diagnosis it was a relief.
In her case, she is easily overwhelmed by sounds , contact. Other than that, she doesn't have many symptoms but the small ones she has stack up to the diagnosis.
Sooo, anon , don't completely avoid the possibility of being on the spectrum. You might just be like my friend. (sorry for the long ass blogposting but what you said was too familiar not to share)
No. 299527
>>299490Pink panther here, I'm interested in a discord! It's kind of funny how similar female aspies are to each other in specific ways.
Also: I have a feeling that autistic men are 1. a lot worse at reading people 2. use it more as an excuse to be mean af
No. 299544
>>299527There’s been some discussion (at least in my country) about how female aspies have a completely different profile from males because women and girls are conditioned to be as fine-tuned to the feelings of others as possible while men and boys don’t have the same pressure on them to be socially aware. I think it could also contribute to why fewer women are diagnosed and why it can be difficult for professionals to notice and diagnose, since our problems appear to manifest differently than for our male counterparts.
I don’t know about anyone else but I was always hyper-aware of the emotions/expressions of people I socialized with growing up and extremely scared of messing up or hurting someone’s feelings, which is quite the opposite of what people expect of someone with this disorder. My problems were suspected to just be a product of my shyness, being an introvert in a family of extroverts and being too kind for my own good/a doormat. I think it’s plausible that people are inclined to draw those conclusions about possible aspie girls rather than to consider a diagnosis of some sort, because girls are generally expected to be submissive and humble; it’s an “accepted” personality type for us.
No. 299672
>>299527>>299599Oh yeah, I think the anon who said "actually autistic" means they think real autistic people can't be self-aware.. or that people only use "autism" as a way to describe things.
I'm professionally dxed with autism and self-aware, I do wonder what the anon meant though? I can only make assumptions.
No. 299680
For the most part my diagnosis just embarrasses me. I joke about it at times but I would do anything if it somehow would make it go away.
I'm high functioning enough to be a student doing fairly well but sometimes I wonder if I'm just chasing a life that will never be for me. If I'm putting in all this (emotional) effort for something that will just crash down inevitably.
>>294214There is, the one I can think of right now is how girls are more socialized and in general handle things better. I believe they're also less aggressive then guys.
No. 299708
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>>299509This made me laugh
>>299527Not sure if you were expecting a discord server but my discord is R11#6197 if you want to add me. Sorry if I take forever to accept your request.
>>299544Autism
definitely manifests itself differently in males and females. From my experience, female aspies tend to be more “socially-aware.” Being one myself I never specifically related to the “can’t read other people’s faces” part of autism. I feel like I can read people fairly well. I’d say male aspies have more of a temper but then I’d be discounting my irritable self.
No. 300356
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>>300339I do think that could be part of it. I also think that women are, by nature, more empathetic, so it’s easier for them to mimic other’s behavior.
>>300346If you think having a diagnosis would give you closure, then I say go for it. I’ve been diagnosed since childhood but only recently have I been giving it notice since I’ve realized how much it’s impacted several aspects of my life. It’s more significant than I thought previously.
>>300351Some of my issues
>can’t force eye contact for more than about 4 seconds, feels too “intimate”>social awkwardness despite being “aware of myself”>feeling like i have to “fake” facial expressions because my natural face doesn’t really show emotion>naturally monotone, “robotic” voice>anxiety in social situations leading me to isolate myself>some common comorbid disorders like OCD and misophonia>ive had some obsessive “special interests”>trouble relating to the majority of people, distant from both parents No. 301831
>>286470I'm going to ask my GP for a referral to an autism specialist because my life is pretty much exactly what
>>286998 describes, and my list of autistic symptoms is just too long to be a coincidence.
It terrifies me how convoluted it is for an adult to seek diagnosis, though. How can I be expected to go see a GP, tell them about my symptoms and convince them I need help when I'm such an anxious mess ? I can't even bring myself to tell my own parents anything personal about myself.
Part of me resents my parents and teachers (who knew I had some serious issues but tried to handwave it as me being "gifted") for not suggesting I see a therapist when I was younger. I could have gotten so much help and avoided so many issues.
No. 301840
>>300351For me it’s what
>>300356 describes plus being much more likely to burn out. None of my symptoms were considered serious enough to get any attention from psychologists beyond “oh she’s just another socially anxious shy girl” until I suffered a very serious burn out in college. It’s a kind of debilitating introversion, combined with a tendency to completely shut down in certain overstimulating environments. Also I can name every Pokémon and the conditions under which it evolves but I’ve never admitted this to anyone so they couldn’t send me to a shrink for that.
I’ve been told most autistic women are initially referred to professionals not because of any classic autism symptoms but because they’ve burnt out, are depressed, have an ED etc. We’re much better at dealing with autism until we aren’t.
No. 307790
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https://www.syfy.com/syfywire/science-behind-the-fiction-predator-suggests-autism-is-human-evolution-is-that-true?amp
>The modern environment changes faster than our biology can keep up, especially over the last couple of centuries. At the end of the day, all of us are ancient animals living in a rapidly evolving world. Sometimes that means things that were once beneficial are now seen as outside of the norm. A mental tick that makes you particularly good at avoiding lions might appear unusual in a world largely devoid of lions.>The thesis of The Predator, however, takes this notion a step further in suggesting not only that autism is or was advantageous, but that it represents a forward step on the human evolutionary path.Lmao. What do you think of this? I’m not offended
or flattered, just very amused.
No. 322561
>>322467I would know that too. I learn with time and a lot of mistakes but still sometimes it seems that I don't understand when somebody close to me is saying a joke or is being sarcastic.
When I was little I never said "thank you" or "good bye". I thought that people could understand I was saying it whit a little nod. But I was wrong. Now I force myself to say it out loud. Sadly, that's my only reaction to any situations now. If suddenly somebody talks to me I just nod and smile, and sometimes I say "thank you".
No. 322796
>>299507I have asper and I find it odd how people don't see the things I do, people give off particular expressions and behaviours. Maybe I just trained myself for it because I needed it to read people to respond correctly.
People tell me they find me very standoffish, they can't read me, I talk with a blank face.
I've given up on trying to make friends, discussing subjects, or trying to make jokes, no one gets them, no one thinks they are funny. And I found people are emotionally involved in their interests, I tend to avoid small talk and ask questions that are probably too probing because they are interesting to me, but it makes them feel personally attacked.
Personally I wish I was dead, I'm completely useless as a member of society. I feel as if I bring nothing productive, not even good will.
No. 322868
>>299493How much of a sperg do you have to be intellectually intimidated by someone with Aspergers?
I knew a girl with Aspergers (back when doctors used the diagnosis). She was obsessed with dinosaurs but she wasn't intellectually talented at all. It's been years since I saw her, but I would be surprised if she did well enough in college that she could make a living on her interests. Most people diagnosed with autism today have below average IQ but even those with above average IQ love to puff themselves up about how intellectual they are while not succeeding in school or having recognition from anyone notable.
No. 335525
This is kind of a dead thread but I just really feel like venting/blog posting about this in particular.
I thought I handled being autistic exceptionally well. I felt relief after a diagnosis (in adulthood), as it was justification/explanation for why I did the things I did and was the was the way I was. I admit it became sort of a tumblr mentality for me, I didn't understand the extent to which my autism effected me and would continue to effect me. It's not like people talk about the aspects discussed ITT a whole lot. I told my friends (online and built from special interests, so talking to them wasn't a problem most of the time. Though with the way I can react to things, ie. breakdowns/small tantrums and isolating myself, there have been some problems here and there) about it, mostly because of the relief, but also because I like to be as straight forward in communicating as I possibly can be with people to avoid misconstruing situations and conversation. Mostly, it was in the context of "I need you to be honest with me and say things as bluntly as possible to me when you feel this way because I won't understand passive aggressiveness" whenever their passive aggression about something I did would manifest into an actual fight. I now regret telling them, I wish I could hide it from everyone, it's the most embarrassing thing.
I guess I just never attributed a lot of the really shitty aspects of myself/my life to it. Always to other things, things I hoped I could change. Like my depression, for instance. But the inability to finish education, or to even leave my house because of the embarrassment and fear I feel, or the inability to even make conversations as simple as greeting someone or thanking them without feeling awkward or misplaced, or being a NEET (now trying to finish adult high school online) who is incredibly reliant on my mom, or being distant from family and never caring that much about it because I never thought I was supposed to care, or pretty much any of the other things talked about ITT. Now I feel like I'm just destined to be a shitty person because of something I could never help. Even if I try really really hard with people, to be interested for them or show empathy, or even try in a career or even finish the education I feel I'm required to do to be a contributing member of society (which I feel I will never be), it will be fake. Masking, coping. So either I live a life of NEETdom and isolation from society which I definitely don't want, or I live an ungenuine life, and either way I'm a horrible person.
All I want is to be a good person (as in never hurt people, be aware of how they're feeling and attentive to t hem, etc.), and all I want is to be genuinely accepted. But, with autism it's impossible. I feel kind of doomed now, and I feel like I'm a detriment to all of my online friends as well as my mom. The only things I really have are my hobbies (which are art and dancing and I rigorously practice both everyday), and my special interest. Something in my special interest is the only reason why I can stand to cope with having autism at all now. I wish I could cease to exist. I'd give anything not to have this disorder.
No. 357939
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>>286998>>335525Are you guys me?
I'm 27 and was diagnosed as a kid in the late 90s with PDD/High Functioning Austism. In the past 9 years I've dropped out of college, had a couple of crappy min wage part time jobs that I didn't do well in (and the only reason I had because either they literally took anyone off the street with no interview or because they specifically had disability hiring policies), and have gone back to community college taking art to get a certificate I know is useless. I'm in residence right now which is the first time I've ever lived on my own, but most likely I'll just end up living with my parents again after while my job prospects continue to be shit.
No. 358516
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>>357939I’m this anon (
>>286998 )
Diagnosed with PDD too. I know how you feel. I still have no idea what I want to do with my future. No career looks appealing to me, if anything the prospect of having a career and working all the time makes me depressed and seems impossible because I know I burn out 1000x easier than a normal person.
I’ve already ruled out college though because I know I’ll get overwhelmed and I’m too much of a brainlet to handle it.
Good luck though anon, im rooting for you, if it helps at all.
<3 No. 368774
>>368765Basically autism symptoms fall in three categories : social interaction, sensory issues and systematic thinking.
In the first one I've got the usually well known stereotypes of struggling with interaction, finding it tiring because it doesn't come to me naturally and I have to think before I say anything, feeling anxiety because of that, having issues putting myself in other people's shoes, not detecting teasing or sarcasm… Women generally do better in this area than autistic males, because while they're not born knowing the rules of social interaction, they can learn from observing their peers. Personally I've been told I seem normal when I interact with people, I just seem a bit shy and quiet, but interaction really tires me out and I avoid it when I can.
I've got symptoms in the second category as well : loud and repetitive sounds really upset me and I can't go outside without headphones, I'm really picky with my food because of textures (stringy and crunchy things disgust me), I don't like physical contact even with my family and friends… I also have a hard time knowing where I am spatially and I bump into things without noticing, I only know afterwards from seeing my bruises.
Lastly the systematic thinking stuff relates to being attached to logic and order in some areas of your life, for me this expresses in having certain routines (I always eat from the same bowl, always take the same path to certain places even if it's inconvenient, always approach things the same way) and feeling anxiety when my routine changes, or when I can't plan things ahead in detail (for example, when I go somewhere new I always check the path on Google Street View so I can imagine how I'll get there, and I try to find pictures of the inside of buildings so I can figure out what I'll do when I get there and how I'll get out).
I guess special interests fall in that category too. I have one special interest I've had all my life and feel very strongly about, and I get new ones once in a while that I obsess over for a month or two, keep a lot of notes on and think about almost non-stop until I move on.
If you think you might have autism you should check out conferences and videos on YouTube by women with autism, it's what I did when researching it. I used to think I couldn't have autism because I dress nicely, take care of my appearance and don't seem terribly awkward, but that's how it manifests in men. Women learn how to seem normal.
Also think about whether your symptoms might be better explained by depression or generalised anxiety instead, my psychiatrist asked me about that when I got assessed. They can cover the social interaction issues and maybe a few of the systematic thinking symptoms.
No. 375973
>>335525I understand this. With experience comes the knowledge that you are a horrible person. Not necessarily because you've done bad things. But because you are wired so differently you will never be part of the larger majority of people that want to and are able to study, travel, and live life. "Turn their brain off and enjoy something". You can learn and emulate things enough to get by, but that's all.
In essence you feel as if you are a defective person, and unless through some early diagnosis and the lucky off chance you have an interest in a productive paying avenue that feeds your autistic streak that will lead to a career, you will never amount to anything productive to society.
No. 376254
Is there any benefit to getting diagnosed and if so, how do you go about it as a woman?
I've suspected that I've had some form of autism for a long time now due to:
>Having a huge sensitivity to sounds. I have to wear earplugs at night to sleep. The sounds of people eating, slamming doors, coughing/sneezing, hacking up phlegm, singing, talking to themselves, snoring, even fucking breathing stresses me out so much. My doctor says I'm stressed and that I should practise meditation but how can I when there are sounds everywhere? Lol
>A counselor once made me do an online test which was very positive. Obviously she said it wasn't confirmation but it was a sign that I should get it checked out but I didn't know how to proceed from there so I just left it.
>I seem to always offend people even when I'm really not trying to. I always read everything I'm posting multiple times (incl this post), trying to make sure nothing I say sounds aggressive or could be taken out of context but for some reason people find everything I say offensive. It's not just online, this happens in person too. I also let a lot of personal information slip when I'm trying to make a joke and it's cringey af when I think about it later.
>Have absolutely 0 imagination.
>Have to force myself to make eye contact with people constantly.
>Struggled a lot in school/college and came out with well below average results despite trying really, really hard. Never learned how to properly write an essay/thesis and could never retain information. Basically couldn't come up with my own thoughts and relied on the opinions of others way too much.
>Have problems socialising. Even just hanging out with friends is really exhausting. I'm meeting people tomorrow and instead of being excited, I'm dreading it. I always meticulously prepare for phone calls or emails, they take me a really long time to do.
So if I've finished school and college, is there any point of getting a diagnosis? Obviously it's beneficial for kids to they can get the assistance they need but it's not going to help me get a job or help me in the workplace. At best it'd help me understand myself better but what do you do with that information? Sorry if this is a stupid question.
No. 376272
>>376254Are you american?
Being diagnosed in the US is a necessity because assurances demand it in order to get treatment. Anywhere else a diasgnosis won't do much. Most psychiatrists in my country don't even try to give one so you don't label yourself and will just treat your symptoms.
If you're not impaired to the point of needing disability, it won't do much for you. The only thing you could get from it is maybe be sure it's your issue and be sure you're seeing the right person to get help.