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prev thread: >>>/ot/252343
"Share something you haven't been able to / literally can't say in real life or online under the protection of anonymity. Get it off your chest. You don't even have to explain it, either."
no one's made a new thread yet so i did. reposting my secret from the last thread:
like most people, i'm mortified when people look through my stuff and find something embarrassing. even so, i snoop through people's shit, and i don't even feel bad about it. done it ever since i was little. i read diaries, go through phones, rummage through drawers and closets, just because. i don't know why i do this. i'm not looking for anything in particular, just looking.
nothing i find really phases me, since i know we've all done embarrassing stuff we'd like to keep secret. i've read mopey/cringy diary entries, discovered really embarrassing search history, found where people keep their sex toys/porn, all that jazz. it doesn't matter to me and unless it was something straight up illegal i wouldn't ever confront someone about my findings.
obviously i can't tell anyone because they'd automatically wonder if i've snooped through their stuff, and they'd probably be right. it doesn't matter who it is, if their stuff is accessible and i'm alone, i'll go through it.
Why are you ashamed of it? It sounds like a heartfelt gesture. If it bothers you paint over it?>>279281
That is a cute story. Makes me miss being a kid with grandparents again.
Lucille 1 and 2
I feel you anon, I'm in the same boat except I don't even have a bf. Occasionally I'll reach out to the friends I fell out of contact with and we'll hang out for a couple weeks before I lose touch again.
I just feel like none of them really like me and they just pity me or want to make fun of me, or they dont really see me as me, they just see me as the person they want me to be. I feel like nobody sees or likes me as a person. I know it's not true but I can't stop thinking it, so I just distant myself again.
I'm just so lonely all the time and wish I could afford to get better, because I can't seem to do it on my own.
You most certainly can get diagnosed with adult Autism, I was assessed and diagnosed when I was 20. It's not uncommon for women to receive late diagnoses because the way they present can be a lot more subtle compared to males. Any evidence of autistic behaviours from your childhood will be factored into your assessment if you decide to pursue one.
However, I agree with the other anon about addressing your past abuse and other issues as a priority especially if they are having a greater impact on your mental health.
Good luck anon!
I've been wondering a lot about this lately, too, and have a similar experience re: asking those around me if I fit the criteria and being laughed off.
It's important to remember that women are criminally under-diagnosed because we have a tendency to camouflage our symptoms and they manifest differently than male aspergers. While I'm against self-diagnosis generally, you might benefit from looking at Tania Marshall's blog here: https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/
Please seek out diagnosis/help if you feel it's right for you! Your mental health is important.
Of course a shrink can technically diagnose autism in adults, but they can also diagnose Dissociative identity disorder. That doesn't mean that either one is a real diagnosis.
People are laughing at you because it's obvious when someone has autism and neither of you do. Maybe try to think about why this title is so important to you, and that might tell you what your actual problem is.
That list you linked includes "Possesses one or more psychic abilities" as a symptom of female autism. I take back my advice; if you believe you have magical powers then I guess it makes sense that you fell for all of this. Good luck!
no one can heal you from that. seek a therapist that specializes in trauma. the only way to heal from trauma is to process it.>>279949
see a doctor. two things can happen: you were being paranoid and don't have it, which is a good thing. or you do have it, and now you know and can begin treatment (if available), also a good thing
What is that supposed to prove? You're replying to something saying that just because DID is diagnosed, that doesn't mean the diagnosis is correct.
That website acknowledges that DID is a fringe belief in psychology, and is devoted to "proving" that it exists. The existence of the website supports the original point entirely.
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This reminds me of one of my most embarrassing stories lol.
I was late to class but had to pee first. I entered one of the stalls and did it without looking back until I started to notice there was pee leaking from the sides and also wetting my ass and pants. The lid was fucking closed
. I had to use toilet paper to try and clean it but my panks were soaked. I had to cover it up with my blouse and thank god it wasn't all that noticeable since my pants were navy blue. To this day I wonder why didn't I just went back home instead of listening to lectures for two hours feeling umconfortable and paranoid. That time I was friends with the two most popular girls in class so I was terrified of being made fun of. I might be the dumbest girl to have ever done that but remember to see if the lid is open, anons.
Kek. I can’t believe I haven’t done that yet.
I’ve done the rushing to pee and forget to pull down underwear thing a few times.
oh anon, you're not stupid. it's just if you do something 10000000 times it goes on autopilot and statistically you're bound to fuck it up at least once. it's like forgetting to lock the front door.
idk how i haven't done that one specifically yet but a handful of times i've sat at the wrong angle and my ass makes some kind of vacuum that causes my piss stream to go horizontal onto my leg and out the sides of the toilet. how the fuck!
having worked retail, it really isn't that bad. it's no fabulous fun time, but you do realize women have to pretend camming is so glamorous for a buck, right? men go into those chat rooms, shit on women, call them names, become obsessed with them, harass them, etc. camming sounds like nothing short of a nightmare to me. exposing your body to the worst men to be criticized and judged for potentially years to come, even after you stop. yikes.
like, do you really expect these camgirls to go on and on about their woes and how terrible they're treated, while they're still camgirls? it's in their financial interest to paint it as fun
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I'm currently going through a bunch of tests at the hospital because of some very unusual, severe physical symptoms I've been having and I am praying that I end up getting diagnosed with having heart attacks, a brain tumor, or something equally serious that can and will kill me. I want to die. I know this is a disgusting, insensitive thing to say for those battling these things and struggling to survive but this is how I feel.
There's nothing for me here.
I always ask my bfs if they’d be ok with me getting an abortion if I was pregnant with a disabled baby.
The answer is always no.
considering that they didn't mention it, yeah it's possible. just look at the retards commenting on therapy and the oh so scary big pharma.>>281434
not all therapists are like that, but i like how you got that implication from three words.>>281679
lol. talk therapy is a proven treatment for depression and going to therapy doesn't mean you have to take medication.>>281893
i like you. not sarcasm.
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what's embarrassing is people whining about being depressed but outright refusing to make any effort to help themselves. i've been there so i get it, but at the end of the day it was my own fault for staying there. so forgive me if i'm not all that sympathetic to those types.
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My boyfriend's penis is around 6 inches long and while I am totally happy with it he is extremely self conscious about it, so over the course of two and a half years I have convinced him that it has continued to grow and is now 7.5 inches. Now he is always boasting about it and is convinced it is going to keep growing into his late 20s because he lifts weights.
99.9% of the people on here are depressed in some way, shape, or form, so I doubt you'd understand, but as >>282644
said if you're not trying to help yourself at that point it's your own damn fault you're depressed.
If you think you can ~cure your depression~ by sitting on lolcow all day and complaining about how therapists just want your money and pharmaceuticals are evil, you'll never get better, hate to break it to you.
But then again I guess I can't blame you because you probably have a chemically imbalanced brain that you refuse to deal with and treat
a big part of it is realizing you have a choice. no, being traumatized or being born with depression isn't a choice, but you can choose to work through it and move forward. a lot of unhappy people are resistant to seeking help. i was like that for a long time. the reason is simple, but figuring it out was a big eye-opener for me: misery is easy, and happiness is hard as hell. unhappiness is very familiar to depressed people, and in a way, comfortable. that's why so many people prefer to stay that way, whether they're consciously aware of it or not.
working on yourself and your issues takes work, and the work is hard and painful. but you said that you want to get better, and that is a big step. i won't give you a bunch of obvious advice like "exercise more! socialize! go out in nature!" because if you're really depressed you'll probably find it really hard to find the motivation to do those things, since they probably seem pointless. if this is the case, you really need to seek some kind of therapy.
i'm in group therapy right now, it's mostly cbt/dbt type stuff, with a bit of processing. i'd recommend starting there. it's true that group therapy isn't for everyone, but it's also true that many people who thought it wouldn't be for them actually get a lot of good out of it, like myself. i can't at the moment, but i do plan on seeing a one-on-one therapist some time in the near future to process some harder shit.
and yeah, you don't need to take medication if you really don't want to, but they help a lot of people. if you're hesitant to the idea, ask a lot of questions about them first and make your decision.
remember, you can choose to do nothing and stay unhappy and get worse and worse. you can also choose to do something about it and try to get better. it's going to be painful and a lot of it is going to suck, but if you genuinely want to get better, it is very doable.
sorry for such a long post.
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I have, and have had, a massive-ass crush on Anderson Cooper for god knows how long and every time I think it's gone away, it just rears its head back. Like, can I just find a straight guy that's like him? Maybe? Angular, polished, smart but dorky with an expressive face? And being a silver fox would be gr8, too.
He's just too good. CNN might be meh but he is the only reason I watch it.
That’s Bob Ross levels of nice.
You’re a good person anon. One day I hope you have a place with lots of room for as many animals as you can handle.
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You are a saint anon
thank u for the wholesome post
Lol thanks guys <3
I have a bad habit of impulsively buying things when I have a bit too much to drink, so I’m trying to at least funnel that into something charitable instead of into material possessions that I don’t really need.
kek. i get drunk and write passionate paragraphs about god knows what and then reread it and think "no one cares about this. wait…why the fuck do I
care about this?" delete
>>289325>cats are known to be sadistic as they play with little birds
What? Cats are hunters and animals that pray on smaller animals to keep them away from homes. Of course they're going to play and eliminate birds and rodents.
You on the other hand, need some help. You say you're cat lover, but it sounds more like you don't like any sort of animal. I think your whole post is just for edge points and you're probably baiting really. If not, you definitely need to sort out whatever mental issues you have.
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I love shit posting and flaming the trannys in /lgbt/.
yo anon, i'm in.
I need some advice since I got run off the net by tr00nies before- I'm currently just behind a proxy. Should I consider tor or a VPN?
(sorry for offtopic in an /ot/ thread)
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Ahahahaha, I've been in there for a while fanning the flames.
Their comments and obvious male tears brings about an exquisite amount of schadenfreude.
this is >>290964
- I'm not on that topic right now. I'm watching it but not posting in it since my proxy is blocked on 4chan
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i lold so hard at this recent post in one of the other threads, holy fuck
lmao at the self-congratulatory backpatting there.
like if they were so great why are their egos so damn fragile?
nobody wants to date a tr00nie.
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I have this longtime fantasy of being killed by Jeffrey Dahmer. It sort of went into overdrive again recently after watching that new movie, My Friend Dahmer. I know it makes no sense. Firstly because he's dead, secondly because he was gay and I'm a woman, and thirdly because I'd be fucking dead. But I have this desire to experience an alternate reality I guess, where I was a victim of his and subject to his torture and eventually him drugging me/subjecting me to brain trauma.
I feel so fucked up about this, I don't know where it came from or why the idea of all this turns me on so much. Shit like this is another reason I want virtual reality to become more advanced.
imagine being so dualistic and narrow-minded that the concept of just being a whole, well-rounded human being with a wide variety of assets is something you think of as unattainable for men and women and you have to be a hybrid in order to do it.
like, he couldn't just think "hm, i like some of my manly qualities like my build and my assertiveness, but i think i'd like to be a little less stiff and work on my interpersonal skills." no, it's just, you can only be an emotional passive woman or an icky toxic man.
i used to have a fantasy of being raped by richard ramirez
i had some nightmares about him escaping from prison though and it actually cured me haha
lol. Yeah it's fun as a fantasy… I'd never want to be murdered in real life. It's such cognitive dissonance.
Ramirez is insanely attractive to me but I have never had this sort of fantasy with him like with Dahmer.
do you live in the southeast US
I want a sugar daddy.
Even though I still live at home and have a fairly good relationship wit my parents, I feel so lonely that I wish I had an older person take care of me. Not for money or sex, just somebody who tells me what to do. Also not in a stupid ddlg relationship, just somebody who tells me when to go to bed, that I should study, who makes sure i eat healthily etc. Not in an angry way, but simply helping me. I have so little motivation for anything, that I just wish I had somebody who'd tell me to get off the internet and be productive instead.
Whenever somebody criticices me or gets me angry it somehow makes me feel nearly aroused, but at the same time I feel like crying. That's so humiliating. I'm against any form of bdsm, I do consider myself a feminist, I know that I can take care about myself, yet i still feel so vulnerable.
sounds more like a ddlg relationship lmfao
Sugar daddies are all about you catering to their needs and being a well put together woman.
Get a caring bf or seek therapy or something
you sound jealous, but ngl, they sound fucking weird, and i'm sure that doesn't help your jealousy.
like, most families don't act like that. at all.
>vid related: your bfs fam
Nah, I think that's weird too.
I get that there's different cultures etc., but generally you only romantically kiss someone on the lips.
My BF's mom does the same shit. Whenever we're in the middle of a conversation she'll try and call him over so she can hug/kiss/show some stupid picture, she'll make stupid little jokes/click her tongue whenever my bf and I kiss around her (which I never initate because I feel so fucking awkward) and almost act jealous.
So they might just have a loving family (my definition of loving family isn't really about kisses and physical affection, it's more about support and understanding tho lol) OR she could actually be unconsciously jealous of you in a way. You're in a sense "taking" your bf out of the family and seeing sides of him that they never see etc.
Just keep an eye on it to see it the behavior progresses or gets worse, then I would talk to bf about it.
Isn't this the classic mother in law hell jealousy stuff. I have a theory about it. Woman is attracted to man. Marries. Has son. Son has traits of husband PLUS hers. If she's a bit dim she will get very attached and jealous about her "perfect" son. Honestly everything you both described sounds over the line and you're not being paranoid at all.
Just remember they can think their weird shit, but it's your relationship and their jealousy is irrelevant.
The soulmate brother thing? No explanation for that, honestly he sounds uncomfortably close with his family.
I agree with loving family meaning SUPPORT not physical affection. I think that is only for partners.
no one's gonna want to do this. sugar daddies give money for you to go buy expensive things while you look like a sexual fantasy for them and get them off however they want. ddlg types also mostly just want weird roleplay sex.
you sound like you want a therapist or a life coach.
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Here's a light-hearted secret. I still unironically listen to eurodance in 2018. I like all of it, no matter how shitty and dated it is, my music taste is really varied but no other genres makes me this happy.
Narcissistic mothers will try to put their sons in more of a partner role.
I dunno why, I just know it’s common. Don’t feel crazy.
I understand how you feel anon, but I don’t think messing around with their stuff will change anything other than make them distrustful of you specifically. It’s really difficult to force other people to be more introspective.
Plus, they’re not entirely wrong. Men simply aren’t in danger from women the way women are in danger from men. I’d prefer it if they at least acknowledged this. In my experience men will act like personal safety measures taken by women are unnecessary and an indication of paranoia right up until the point that something horrible happens to her, at which point they’ll blame her for not taking enough
safety measures. But when I point this out, they act like they’re actually in the exact same degree of danger as women are and that they’re just more logical and rational about it. I’ve had a guy insist to me that it’s silly for me to be afraid to walk alone after dark through an alley where a woman had recently been attacked, because some sexual predators prey on males too and despite that, he, as a muscular 6’5” adult man, is not afraid to walk alone at all!
I think the only way to impress on men how dangerous the world can be is if they’re attacked by another larger, stronger man, but even then it’s unlikely to make them more empathetic towards women. Most of them will insist that their situation is somehow totally different, and probably worse.
and the first 2 responses got me into eurobeat as well. Good shit. I love you fellow cheesy music anons.
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I steal other unknown people's phone photos that they post to their social media and import the pictures to my phone gallery so that if someone ever happens to get a glimpse of my phone gallery, I don't look like a loser who doesn't go anywhere with like 70 legit photos in my roll of my pet.
I feel guilty doing it but I guess it's like my little aesthetic board. Yeah, I'm pathetic…
So…your gf is asian I'm assuming?
You better be a lesbian.
>>315231>doesn’t find white people attractive >doesn’t like personal appearance
Are you white, Anon?
And saying that you “yellow-fever” makes me cringe into infinity.
I always feel like I'm being watched, and it messes with my behaviour so much that I'm not sure what's an act sometimes and what isn't.
When I was younger I attributed this "watched" feeling to black ghosts, these weird shadowy fuckers from my nightmares who waited for me to acknowledge them before killing me. During my early teens I would imagine that my soulmate was observing me, and I would do things that I thought would make them love me. Sometimes I wonder if it's a higher power observing me, but then I fall into a moral dilemma over whether my actions are truly good or just performative bullshit done to appease whatever's watching me, in case I get a reward. I still sometimes feel black ghosts, and see them in my mind's eye, watching me as I pretend not to notice.
I've never been able to have my curtains open at night, and whenever I've forgotten to close the curtains before nightfall I can't look out the window without intense dread. I have to stealth close the curtains or ask my boyfriend if he can do it instead, since whatever's out there only seems to be after me.
The fact that my hypervigilance has actually proven useful in the past doesn't help matters, since I had the same feelings during the real situations as I do during the paranoid shit - I was molested as a child/teen by a man who would wake me up to abuse me, and the feeling I got when he watched me "sleep" was the same feeling as when the ghosts watched me, a creep in the park who watched me before trying to masturbate on me set off the same feeling (but I initially ignored it instead of leaving, since I thought I was just being paranoid), and a scary man who followed me a block across my city to my street also set off this feeling (which I also attributed to paranoia, so I did tests to confirm I was being followed, and then had to use the "don't acknowledge that you're in danger" technique again to protect myself - I managed to get to the store at the bottom of my street, casually tell the cashier I was being followed, and then pretend to make a transaction as the guy loitered in the back waiting for me to leave, until the manager let the cashier walk me up to my house). I even got the danger feeling from a man making eye contact with me once when I was a kid, and recently I found out that he was a pedophile.
This is all very rambly and makes me sound completely batshit but that's why I don't tell anyone about it. Please don't laugh at me.
I don't have a social life but even when I have photos on my phone I just delete them, I hate storing stuff on there and always prefer it on my pc straight away. My lack of contacts is more embarrassing, I have no excuse for that kek.
Not that anyone cares though, people who know me well enough to touch my phone know that I'm not a social butterfly.
This was me at one time anon, and I got married to him.
This is old but same anon. I don't know if it makes me heartless but honestly… if I knew my baby would be disabled I would have an abortion.>>inb4 "But anon what if you parents did that to you if you were disabled!!11"
I'd be happy. I'd resent them forever if my parents decided to have me and I was like retarded or something. I don't want to be taken care of my entire life and become a burden on my parents until they die. Fuck that.
My bf and I agree on this which is such a weight off my chest. I couldn't bring something into this world knowing it would have to rely on everyone else for even drinking water. I guess it's animal instinct we run on, leave the weak to die and move on with the stronger herd.
I guess what fuels this more is that I work with kids and a lot of them are in special education classes, or should be. At first I didn't, but now I resent them so often and their parents for having them. Not mildly autistic kids, but the ones who scream and claw at their own faces if the room is above normal speaking voice, which we have to get above often. How can you force this child to live tormented every day and force everyone else to deal with it too? It's selfish in every way possible because someone wanted a kid.
All my high school teachers were ugly as sin so I got jipped big time. I blame anime for giving me the student/teacher fantasy and kinda wish I could experience it.>>316342
Lol more power to you tbh.
i never spent too much, most banks will just reimburse the card if it's less than 3k. to make sure they'd get their money back, i wouldn't use cards from credit unions or anything, just big banks.>>316479
nothing embarrassing about getting free shit on corporate dime.
NTA but if anyone had any doubts, you just confirmed that you are human garbage. Does your super rich fiance know you were robbing people and are proud of it? Or did you tell him that you were an uwu poor cinderella that had to steal 3k from ccs for bread and water?
I can't imagine being so fucking vile and so stupid to rob your clients using their credit cards. A sane person would touch the card only to get it back to the owner. I can't imagine having so little respect for your work, other people and for yourself to do such thing.
I really hope you are trolling, cause the thought of running into such trash person makes me feel sick.
nah, not trolling fiance doesn't care, and the bar owner didn't either considering the cards were left on the counter by the phone and we'd toss them out at the end of the week.
i will say though that it's super funny that any of you think anyone ITT or on the rest of the site gives a fuck about your opinions. trying to moralfag on anon is pathetic.
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we got a real winner here.
Or if not that even more awesome emotional abuse about how it must just be me because they are totally more responsible and don't have a problem.
Missing the whole point of why the fuck would anyone want to admit they've got an addiction problem when the entire philosophy behind recovery is making addicts prostrate themselves with how horrible and bad and no good they are and thus need something or someone better to look to and obey. You know, fuck empathy and all this research about success in harm reduction therapy and all that.
I'm just reflecting on the irony of you "calling out" my inner thoughts whilst you post on a website where farmers autistically compare themselves to lolcows and nitpick all the time.
Who knew something like this would trigger
you so badly. Like wowie zowy, Scoob!
You're the one getting mad at people thinking you're a bitter retard for thinking you're better than people with the same name as you. You're the only person triggered
here, bud. You're genuinely insufferable lmao
I'm irritated because you're the type of person who comes to a secrets thread thinking you're being clever with your callout culture because secrets are gasp
sometimes cringe and insecure–as most secrets tend to be.
It makes you sound way more insecure than me or anyone who related to it, almost like you're afraid people are secretly doing this to you. I've already pointed out how common it is for people to be competitive and wanting to compare as evidenced by the culture on this website, and yet you insist you're above it.
I highly doubt that.
You just wanted an argument.
What a wild story.