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Old thread is a mess >>>/ot/210616
Let it all out and help out eachother! But please do not get into petty OT arguments. If things start getting into debates we can consider making threads about them.
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I felt an oncoming headache almost the entire day so I decided to down some kratom tea. I originally bought the stuff bc my bf is allergic to literally every painkiller under the sun, and this stuff works kind of like a stim/opioid and it's real good pain relief.
But it's so…fucking…bitter. Like the worst unsweetened matcha imaginable.
I've tried grinding fresh ginger, honey, and lemon into the tea and bleh. Not working. Some people do shakes but that seems tedious, and others worse just pop a spoonful and wash it down with water.
I didn't finish my cup but my headache is already gone. I just wish there was a way to make it enjoyable.
I feel the same about the allegations against Garrison Keillor. A Prairie Home Companion was a huge part of my childhood, it sucks to hear all this.
Something I'm less surprised about is Morrissey defending Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey. He said some really disgusting stuff… Haven't seen many people talking about it, but I guess I don't associate with people who like him anyways.
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I'm so fucking drunk and angry right now. Today was a fucking shit day, and it's the first day that I told myself I would eat healthy full meals and not just drink. Lately every single day I've come home from work and just downed a bottle of wine and tonight was no different.
But fuck tonight was more horrible than usual. I've already pulled out multiple large chunks of hair, and punched my cheekbones which is what I do when I'm really upset. I try not to because I know that's fucking pathetic but I just don't have any other healthy coping mechanisms anymore and I can't bring myself to care enough to stop when it's in the moment and I just want to punish myself. I'm just so fucking angry and disillusioned with everything and I really wish I would just kill myself already. I can't even function in real life anymore because I'm so depressed and every time I think things can't get worse, they do. Literally everything is fucking terrible. Reading the news is basically masochistic for me at this point, especially with all the sex scandals like I'm not even sure why the fuck I'm still surprised at how much the world despises women. I want ot cut my fucking tits off and lose as much weight as possible so that i'm no longer obviously a woman. Fuck that.
The world and everyone in it is just so fucked and not worth it. Nothing is worth it. I can't wait to fucking die holy shit. I'm just afraid of fucking up any suicide attempt I may make, I've already done it once and it made me feel like even more of a filure that I couldn't even kill myself alreayd.
Like holy fuck what a miserable stupid piece of shit I must be if I can't even figure out how to end my own life. Stupid cunt worthless piece of trash. Someone snipe me from a tall building and blow my fucking head off already. Thanks in advance.
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I'm beginning to second guess getting engaged to my boyfriend. He's like borderline "woke" black man and a fan of Tariq Nasheed. Which does not sit well with me. I don't want to start a family with someone who like that. But at the same time, he's genuinely super nice to me and ask for my insight on things. He been helping me lose weight too. So, really, I'm just stuck. I want to help him see the world in a different, healthier light but I don't want to come off as indoctrinating. All in all, I'm just really confused.
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You really should see a terapist, and i dont mean it in a negative way, please dont hurt yourself.
Lots of people have recovered and lead happy healthy lives now, please anon, just, dont end it! You deserve to have a happy life.
If you're interested in advice:
You can lose weight on your own, and there's plenty of guys out there who will be nice and respectful towards you. Don't waste your life trying to train people into a path that suits you, it won't work. Just find a guy that's on your level with stuff like that.
I don't know what to write down to make you feel better. If you were next to me I would give you the biggest hug.
I have a cat, she's young and also always sleeps right next to me, on bed, next to my pc. I found her abandoned in a carton box, wet from rain when she was extremely little, barely few weeks old, smaller than the palm of my hand, and I can't even imagine the pain of losing her.
I'm so terribly sorry you have to go through this. The only consolidation is that she probably had a great human companion that cared for her and she had a decent life.
I recently had to put down 17 y.o dog, and few months earlier my kitten died.
We rescued the dog from near death situation. It really helped me to not look at the death of his, but the life. Think about how lucky your cat was that she had a loving home. How good her life was. What a long life she lived, happily! In comfort, warmness, with her belly full. She's leaving, but that's how things are - it's sad, but that's nature of the existence. She's old and ready to go.
When I compared my dog's situation with my kitten, I felt that it was only fair. A long happy life, and a merciful death. So many animals don't have that privilege. Be proud of yourself - you gave her a great time on our Earth, I'm sure of that.
Bf bought some Ben and Jerry's non-dairy cherry garcia last night and used a blender to mix up a spoonful. Lol. Tbh it didn't taste bad, tasted like a milkshake made with bitter chocolate.
But yeah, it was a sugarbomb. >>213570
Not sure where you live, but this is my source >https://gaiaethnobotanical.com/
I get the green Maeng Da. Also friendly word of caution: start out with no more than a gram. The thing is if you dose too much you could get nauseated or get the shakes. Happened to me a month back when I had something like 2-3grams over the course of a couple hours. A gram will suffice esp if you don't use it frequently.
Thanks anons. I know that there isn't much that one can say to someone in this situation and a "simple" sorry feels forced (main reason why I'm trying to bother my friends with this)
I appreciate your thoughts and advice! I'll try to think about it when it will happen tomorrow.>>213562
I'm sorry for your loss anon the way you talk about them sounds like you love them very much.
I'll try to think about your advice when it gets hard to stay positive.
And as you guys said it is better this way. I don't want to her suffer anymore than she already has. I can be lucky that I had her for 18 years. I'll always cherish the memories that I have of her.
Thanks guys this means a lot to me.
I have a similar insecurity except when other people take my picture my face looks wider and my double chin is worse than usual. Idk, I've gotten over it because I figure if that's how other people see me then there's nothing I can do.
Yet I think what makes me more uncomfortable with it, is how accessible unflattering pictures are on social media. It used to be the case in the 90s and early 00s that you could expect embarrassing candids and bad pictures to never leave someone's photo album.
But now it's like they're on the internet for every person to see.
As a rule, I like to ask friends if a picture is okay to post if I suspect it's a bit unflattering for them as a courtesy.
Thanks…I have been before (years ago) and it never helped much. But I got up today and had another episode just pure anger and self hatred and ended up slamming my closet door against the wall and it left a huge hole in the wall and the little doorstop thing left a hole in the bottom of the door.
I live with my parents since I just graduated with a dumbass degree and my job is shitty right now so when they see this I know they will force me to go back to therapy or just kick me out.
Thanks for the advice but I really don't deserve a happy life, especially not after what I just did. The fact that I can't even hold it in anymore is pathetic and now I've devolved to fucking property damage. It's ridiculous, I'm ridiculous, and if I were smart I would just kill myself before my dad gets home later today.
God I hate it when cheaters do this stupid 'bawww I feel bad' tripe. Obviously love if you felt an ounce of real remorse you wouldn't have done it in the first place, and if you cared even a little bit about your boyfriend you supposedly love you would've stopped before it went too far. It's not like your finger accidentally fell on the keyboard and typed 'my fanny is so wet for u rn' fucking is it? And you even admit to have done it 'a lot' so you could've stopped it if you wanted, but you didn't. Plus the fact that you don't want to dump your friend despite all this says a lot about the kind of person you are.
You know perfectly well what you're supposed to do - dump them both, for their sakes, because they deserve better. But you don't want to do it because you don't actually care about it and you don't really feel bad, you're just throwing yourself a little pity party to look better in your own eyes and are going to resume two-timing as soon as you're done, I guarantee it. You don't actually want advice nor will you actually follow it, you'll just scream into the void for a while and bawww about it on the Internet where it's safe then go about your day as usual.
Damn right you should kys.
I completely understand you. Losing an animal is so hard. Our pets are so important to us and such a huge part of our everyday life.
But as others have mentioned, I'm sure you gave her the best possible life. 18 years old for a cat is actually above average! And as cheesy as it sounds, she will always be in your memories. Hugs
I have a old cat I've had for a super long time as well anon. Her health problems are getting slowly getting worse(some manageable others it's just "if it starts causing her pain then you know what has to happen"). Some neighbors dumped her and she was so starved we thought she was a baby at the time. No exact age because of that but the bare minimum is she's about 12-14 years and I've had her since I was 10. I know her time is coming
I don't know how you got her when she was a baby but you may have saved her from a life possibly full of suffering. I know other anons have already said it but you gave her the best time you could and I've seen too many cats(and other animals) that don't get to feel love until they're close to death, if at all. She's always in your heart and you can still love her without her physically being with you as lame as that sounds.
It's awful but remember, sometimes you gotta love a pet enough to know when living is too hard on them and that it's time to let go.
>>213607>knowing how they all have this disgusting lust towards teenagers
Not all guys have a lust for teenagers for the same reason not all women have a lust for teenagers. There are perfectly well-adjusted men out there who crave emotional maturity, intelligence, and experience in a partner. My bf being one of them.
Contrary to what's often said on this website, there are plenty of men out there and you shouldn't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch.
Wow bitch, apparently you were cheated on yourself. You assumed a bunch of things based on >>213542
, just a single post. Get off your high horse, you're on lolcow so you're probably not a good person either.
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You're just a human who made a bad decision. No, I'm not going to be an edgelord anon and tell you to kys or pretend like you're the worst person evar for doing something literally billions of people have done before.
Yet why are you still with this guy? You resent him and you don't even have the proximity for him to give you the attention you need. He flat out wasn't communicating with you. Tell them both that you need a break and you need to figure out what you require in a relationship, and what you're able to sacrifice and what you're not.
You'll just repeat this mistake the next time things get bad without doing a bit of self-reflection.
>mfw people acting like relationships are life-ending decisions
If he's your boyfriend, he should understand that you have to focus on your essay. It's nice that he wants to see you, but if he has your best interests at heart and you're having a stressful time, he should be able to understand.
I'm sorry to hear about the assault. In my last year of uni I also had anxiety I thought I was over resurface from a past abusive experience. It felt so irrational but in the end I reached out to an online survivors service and they reassured me it was normal to be triggered
in stressful times.
You can always come here to talk but maybe you could look up online email support or see if your uni has a counseling service? I thought it was a waste of precious time, but actually having an understanding person who I could just drop all that stuff on really helped me make it through that year. Good luck anon!
anon similar situation but I'm narcoleptic. I use to take meds when I was on insurance but I was still walking around in a daze all day. The smallest hint of stress and I'm out like a light. Or sometimes my muscles stop working. Crashed a few cars, my family is up my ass saying "oh just buy a new car and get over your fear" or dumb people telling me to stop being lazy and "get over it"
oi back off, I can ride a bike or take a bus.
But basically, now that I have no meds I work out a lot and go in the sun. But I never have a normal sleep pattern at night. Ah sorry for the rant anon, but I feel your pain
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MY ASS IS STARTING TO SAG. Holy shit, how do I fix it? I've always had the typically pear, large butt and thighs.
>>213542>What should I do?
I seriously don't get how people cheat and not realize its fucked up. There are so many steps involved in all of this and at none of them you stopped and said no. You could have said no when things were getting flirty, you could have stopped when you straight up started talking about sex, hell you could have even stopped during the middle of it. But at every step, you decided to continue forward. On top of that you have the audacity to complain that you don't want to cut contact with this guy when you fucked up on such a fundamental level.
If you want to try to continue the relationship, you need to be fucking honest with him and tell him what you did. You need to acknowledged that any trust he has towards you may be permanently damaged despite however much you try to fix things and that he may dump you anyways.
It's weird that you see a huge nose when other people take a pic of you from a distance… Usually it's the front camera that enlarges the nose because of the darn fisheye effect.
Maybe it depends on the camera? I usually look like shite with Samsung cameras because they usually have such a shit lighting, while with a professional Canon/Nikon I see the same image of me I see in the mirror.
Or maybe it's the fact that the way our faces look depends on the light. I see big changes with different lights.
Either way almost everyone is asymmetrical, and it's always kind of a shock to see ourselves in a non-mirrored image, but just think of the fact that other people don't perceive you nearly as bad as you do because they've always seen the non-mirrored you. You're just not used to it, like when we hear our voices in recorded audios and say "Is this my real voice? It's so weird"
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>tfw backbreaking job with 12 hour shifts
I fucking hate being a 3rd worlder
im thankful that tourist season has passed where I am
however it will return in the spring/summer ;_;
I have moderate GAD (diagnosed recently although I previously had mild anxiety it got worse) and BED (Just adding this in for bg knowledge)…
In October, I randomly started having some weird fears that I dont actually like this guy I like and Im fake etc. and start questioning everything about me… Ive had a crush on my friend for a year and just last week or the week before I was thinking romantically about him like I typically do. NOW I am at a point where I feel liek im starting to see him more as a friend way realizing after he rejected me 2 times, that clearly he doesnt feel the same way and were good as friends… Anyway theres this random dude in one of my classes and I dont feel attracted to him or feel like we have much in common… I dont even talk to him much either except 4 shortly in class if hes actually there, but some of my friends seem to think he likes me… Typically, when a guy likes me i tend to have no interest in them (bc I usually just dont liek them anyway? guys i like dont like me and anyway theres no actual proof this particular guy likes me). ANYWAY despite all thsi lately I have been having these weird fears like that something will happen between this or that I will like him, etc. Like literally??? I feel like my brain keeps stirring up ideas that I personally dont agree with, but I cant stop thinking strange thoughts like this and its so confusing to me… Lately I also have random fears that I will get hit by a car (and cant stop thinking about it), will hit someone with my car by accident, will get schizophrenia, etc.. Like I keep having all these random thoughts and I feel like im going crazy. I am finally seeing my psychologist Wednesday (I have only seen her twice) and I wanna tell her this stuff but im really scared I guess that she will judge me even though I usually dont care what ppl think… However these thoughts are ecxhausting me, causing me random stomach pains, triggering my BED, and I have just been crying/feeling overwhelmed/unable to focus too often now. I just want these thoughts to end.. Can anyone relate or like anything? I feel so alone and like no one experiences this esp bc I keep going on Google to try and search if anyone has spoken about this before…
The teenage brain is literally more garbage at making decisions and assessing risk up until it stops developing at age 25.
It's not a lie, it's a fact. It's why we have so many laws to protect minors even in situations where it seems like they have the capacity to consent.
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I've had such shitty relationships and overall interactions with men for a long time. I recently had a traumatic experience that was the last straw. At the point I can't imagine myself in a relationship with a man and I don't find any pleasure imagining it. It's kind of a good thing because it let me realize my attraction to women, but I feel dysfunctional and lonely at times. I still have this distant hope that there will be one good man to love, but then I remember men have made me feel worse than anything else in my life.
Maybe it's more like you've never looked vulnerable
, anon. Not to sound judgey, but I've definitely seen and heard of women getting harassed who weren't the prettiest. It's more like these creeps go after women who are in compromised positions, and strike when they think they have a chance of getting away with it. I'm sure they take advantage of women who have obvious flaws thinking they can get to them by using their insecurities.
Kinda felt that way when I was growing up overweight. It's like guys knew that I knew I was fat and harassed and approached me more thinking that the slightest thing they said would provoke an interaction from me bc I must've
been desperate for it. And if i became offended and they got rejected then hey, I was just the fat girl and I should be so lucky they gave my ugly ass the time of day. Negs like that happened to me a lot.
Took me a long time to find a decent bf because behavior like that messed up my trust.
I'm tired of seeing the phrase "break up with him," in these threads so much. just fucking kill
him, anon. make it look like an accident. it's for the best, plus you'll probably feel better afterwards.
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I want a partner but I can’t even make friends. I’m so lonely that anyone I tell about it has heard it from me so often that they don’t know what to say anymore. I just want to give up but I’m not sick enough to kill myself. I haven’t done laundry outside of my bathtub in four months. I only see my therapist once a week and she wanted me to start an intensive outpatient group therapy three times a week but I was too depressed to even get that organized even though she’s been trying to get me to for months. A few minutes ago I told an internet friend I talk to daily that I was feeling depressed again and he made a joke. I want to be taken seriously. I need attention and idk what to do anymore. It’s like talking in an empty room lately…
My job is okay, it's fast paced and slightly stressful. I work at a Chinese restaurant, and this girl has been there for a long time now. We've lost 3 people now, one went to another store. The other was a druggy piece of shit who called out all the time. She complained she didn't get enough hours but would even come in for the ones she got.
The pay is great, I make good money….so good it makes it hard to get any other job
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>I am a mechanical engineer.
>Recently I went for an interview with a cool innovative company.
>first interview for a graduate position.
>What could go wrong?
>There is two dudes (boss and HR) and a woman. >woman straight away calls me 'babyfaced' and that 'looks fade' like no shit I thought that I would age backwards like fucking Benjamin Button or someshit.
>Rest of interview goes ok until next shit smeared question.
>HR dude asks me 'How would you cope with reliability? As a young woman people within this company will not usually trust your judgement. How would you cope with that and what do you do?'
>I tell them that I cannot change peoples perception of me and that I would probably tell the HR.
>HR laughs in my face
>In fact they all laugh. The woman goes 'aww'. Boss looks pissed.
>He pulls out a turbo charger.
>Asks me what it is.
>I have no idea I guess I am a young woman says me
>they realize they should have probably not excreted their 50s era beliefs on me
>they all try to backpedal making it worse at the same time like 'its just really hard to look past your looks'
>i leave i just fucking leave that fucking shithole
>tell my career consultant they were assholes
I have wasted three years of my life and put myself in dept for this shit.
Holy fuck that's bleak
I heard at a recent php conference near me, the only women giving a presentation made one joke about how she's vegan whilst talking, and a man left a public rant on the event page about how she hijacked the conference with social justice at an event that was only for professionalism and was clearly only working in the industry due to positive discrimination or some shit
I'm sorry anon. I'm a gas engineer but due to the similar treatment, I had to become a web monkey. Why's life so shit?
There must be more positions that are decent. Fingers crossed you find them.>>214007
I hear men constantly digressing and adding personal beliefs but women do it, then it's unprofessional.
I can't count the times when there was supposed to be an official and formal meeting turned into men cracking jokes, that aren't even funny.
I am so sad and mad and pissed and furious right now.
One of my coworkers is pregnant. She is leaving in 2 months. She has been showing up late (without telling anyone), leaving early, not picking up our normal work duties, forgetting to do basic things that has been causing a ton of extra stress and work for me, and then I recently found out (we share computers and she left her tabs open) that she has been going on facebook, pinterest, mom forums, and shopping websites while working.
I have been getting 0 breaks when I have been working with her for months now, and feeling pretty ragging most of the time. There are only two of us working at at time (small office), so if I say anything to my boss, it will obviously be me who complained.
But at the same time, I really like her as a person. She is really sweet. I just feel like I am being taken advantage of and doing damn near everything. I feel so exhausted when I get home that I have been needing to rest each weekend and hate being at work, I am dreaming of quitting too.
I just went through some major health issues and am having a lot of problems with my husband who is so depressed he is trying to hurt himself (he is in treatment but it is going slow), my pet is sick, we are stressed about money… I often get barely any sleep and feel terrible, but I STILL show up to work and work hard.
Everyone, my coworkers who come in on other days, my boss and other higher ups, etc, have been getting mad at me about miscommunications too, which are only happening because of her.
I just want to cry. I don't know what to do. Living with this for 2 more months feels like it will kill me.
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Things I'm salty about:
Bf kept sticking his feet off from the loveseat and kicking our Christmas tree while he was playing video games. Now the side of the tree where he was kicking isn't lighting. Which means he either jiggled some wiring or a lightbulb went out.
It triggers my ocd each time I fucking look at it now, and it's a pre-lit, flocked fake tree and idk how I'm going to fix those damn lights bc he sure as shit won't do it.
I had a friend stay at our place for like a month because she got kicked out suddenly by her ex and didn't have a place lined up straight away. She dumped a bunch of her stuff into our storage unit and around my apartment so she wouldn't have to buy a unit herself. Instead of saving her stock money and considering moving back home, she signed on to a place with her friends for roommates and blew a bunch of money on crap she didn't need. She suddenly required a hospital stay and now her friends are backpedaling saying that she should just move back home since she won't have the money for rent.
What makes me irritated is that a bunch of her shit is still here and it kind of is asking a lot since we don't have a lot of room. She hasn't asked about the stuff since October. Her friend even dropped shit off here that she never came back to get (it was cheap dollar store crafts and shit, into the trash it went!)
I'm thinking of hawking a couple of things I know she won't miss or won't inquire about, because my bf had a rough month and we're the ones low on the cash now. She has this coffee gift box of a particular brand name that I'm thinking of selling. No idea how much it goes for but I'm starting to feel less guilty for thinking it as time goes by…
And honestly, I know the last part makes me sound shitty but when I thought I was helping somebody I didn't agree to be someone's dump for their garbage.
Nah, fuck her anon. She may be a nice person but the fact is she's being selfish and lazy as hell. Hate to say it, but most younger people with kids or who want to start families are self-centered. >It's a holiday? You have to give me the time off because MUH KIDZ>Cut my hours? Well cut someone else's I need the hours because MUH KIDZ>You won't give me time off? But what am I supposed to do MUH KIDZ
Report her to your supervisor, because either way she shouldn't be looking at pinterest and facebook when there's work to be done.
>>214111>>214111>I know it's normal but fuck.
I hear this a lot but I don't think it is. At least not on a frequent basis. I mean how often do you masturbate to porn?
Tell him how badly it hurts your feelings. I confessed to my bf when I found out he frequented live chat girls and he cut that shit out because he values our relationship more than the porn. If he doesn't meet your needs? D U M P.
I won't pretend that the doorknob suspension with a scarf wasn't something I've tried before anon, but there's a very high probability that it will not kill you and leave you as a vegetable. Or someone could find you.
Whatever it is you're going through probably isn't worth it. Really weight the consequences when you're in your right mind.
>>214111>I know it’s normal
Just because something is considered normal doesn’t mean it’s healthy. My partner was a porn addict when we met, had only lost his virginity a few months prior (in his twenties). If it bothers you he should be taking that into consideration, and if he doesn’t… what does that tell you about the value he has for your feelings?
Also, if honestly all you do is complain yourself, then stop. Improve the things you don’t like instead of bitching. Even if it has no impact on your partner, it will make you feel a ton better, and that’s what really matters.
Yep. Think about it: If you lose consciousness and the rope/scarf apparatus becomes loose, blood circulation would resume but there'd be enough oxygen depletion from your brain to cause damage. Or if you slip out when your body starts to move involuntarily.
Sounds like prolonged suffering to me.
What's happening right now in your life that's worth that amount of pain?
Aw man anon. Don't kill yourself because of this dickwad and his porno problems.
You're not a horrible person. You're a person who's caught in a lonely, vulnerable circumstance but it can
get better if you take the steps to make it so.
You're depressed. And it's okay to be sad and depressed, but don't think that the world has got to end because your husband is treating you poorly and you didn't adapt a language well.
Live unapologetically. And like you said, sticking around for your child is well worth the fight.
ok, here i go.
<be at a party in sept
>meet a qt butch girl through mutual friends, end up making out with her
>follows me around (as in not in a sperg way but in a "wants to hang out with me" way)
>keeps talking about how pretty i am, we hit off p well
>adds me on snapchat, keep sending pics and shitty memes on a daily basis all the way til today
>comments on pics i post of myself and keeps the conversation going
>sometimes talk about going clubbing together but nothing is set in stone
>in all of my previous relationships or could-be rships, i've been the "passive one" while my partners have been ones taking initiative when it comes to taking the next step forward
>she's introverted as fuck and i get the impression she's in the exact same situation
<be another party in late november
>some of our mutual friends are present (not the girl herself though)
>during a drunken blip of curiosity, i go to one of them and ask something among the lines "hey, what's the deal with (qt butch)?"
>my friend confirms my assumptions about the girl being introverted to the max
>says the girl has asked her whether i'm single and talked about how cute she finds me, tells me i should go for it
>the girl invites me to her friend's party
>she keeps being touchy feely with me
>4 out of the 9 pics she has added to her story are ones where she's deliberately photographing me, the 5 others are casual atmosphere snaps where nobody's face is visible
>i get the impression she's also trying to get another girl's attention
>like. she's going back and forth between me and her
>we snog at one point and talk about meeting again the next day
>when i leave, she hugs me twice
<here comes the embarrassing part
>at one point (after both of us have got drunk big time) she goes "tbh, when we first met i struggled to focus on anything anyone said because i was too focused on admiring your face"
>i end up blurting out something among the lines "you know what, i've developed bit of a crush on you as of late"
>this is where my memory gives up so i have no clue what she answered
anyway. fellow farmers, help me speculate what she wants and/or tell me what tf i should do
if it matters, we're both 18F
tl;dr: not sure whether a girl i have a crush on feels the same
Went through the same thing, it's bullshit.>Gotta leave 2h early, kiddo is sick and no one can pick her up !>Gotta leave early again kiddo burned herself and now I gotta drive her to her medical appointment>Oops got pregnant>Takes the longest pregnancy leave I have ever seen
Boss was pissed for paying a full time employee who didn't show up for almost 6 whole months so he took it out on me of course. And after that he admitted he'll never hire a mid twenties woman again because of that. I bet future employers will think that of me too even though I don't plan on ever having kids :/ sucks
I'm similar to you Anon. When I get into a depressed state, I have no desire to eat, either… and as someone in the underweight range it's definitely not a fun thing to go through.
I basically force myself to eat literally anything, usually bread or a few apple slices–something, because I know I need it. Or, even easier (but it can start to get sort of expensive after awhile), is to have, like, SlimFast or a nutritional drink so you're getting vitamins and such in. I found drinking some sort of meal substitute to be easier than trying to force myself to eat when I would fall into one of those cycles. That sounds like shitty ana talk, but they are better than going without eating anything.
It really is hard when the most I can guarantee myself sometimes is breakfast, you just have to push through it. I know that's shit advice, but that's what I try to do for myself because, like you, my parents don't approve of medication for things of that nature and I don't want to burden others with my problems.
Do I need to even ask if it has a crate / is crate trained?
Failure to discipline one's dog and provide it structure and routine is a form of abuse. The dog is spoiled, has attachment disorder, and lacks the ability to self-sooth. There are no easy or fast solutions, unfortunately.
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I just want a job damn it. Even below minimum wage would be a good start since I live with my parents. I'm literally doing nothing all day so I'm bored out of my mind. I want to wake up knowing I'm gonna get some fuckng money at the end of the month. Ugh.
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I'm feeling kinda down this month. I just got to know that my best friend got to share a booth at this super huge and popular anime con in my country with her ex-colleague. I'm really happy for her cuz we've been trying to apply for an art booth at that con for 4 years and failed each time to land a table because it's really hard for 'nobody-artists' to get a table there.
But I feel sorta sad as well because we had been dreaming and planning to get a booth at that con together since forever and now she has a chance at it but I don't. It's suppose to be just us two doing this art booth plan together but now I'm left in the dust.
I guess it's not her fault because her ex-colleague was the one who invited her to share their art booth. I dunno, guess I'm just disappointed that I couldn't join her after all the years of applying for the art booth together.
Another thing that I'm upset about is that I think deep down I no longer have the drive to continue improving on my art skills. I work full time now in a non-art related field, so I don't have the time to draw or post my art on social media anymore. It's sad because I've been drawing since I was in school and now due to a demanding job I just can't keep up with trying to improve my drawing skills and maintain an active social media presence. I feel very sad that I can't seem to keep up with other artists and stay stagnant. I also wish that I can just go back to drawing for fun and not try to compete with other new, young and popular artists on social media. But at the same time, I still dream to be a popular enough artist and have a group of artist friends (like an art circle or art group) that I can be in and go to anime cons together and set up art tables together and all that other happy art group activities. I've never been in an art group (except with my best friend but it's just us two so it doesn't count as an art group??) and get really depressed when I see popular artists on social media (especially instagram!) that know each other and go to cons together. I just want to belong!
(Also, on an unrelated note, my travel claim for November/December was rejected! Goodbye end of the year shopping plans.)
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I hate being in groups for anything. I know being in groups is supposed to be good for you, but I just don't like it. I either do all of the work, or I have nothing to contribute. It feels awkward standing at the outside of a group and having nothing to say. I feel like there's some type of wall seperating me from everyone else even though I'm only a few feet away. This goes for general conversations as well. I don't do much outside of community college, so I have nothing to talk about and it feels awkward.
Speaking of college, I have this report due today and I'm still slacking off. It's not I'm done with it, it's just stuff distracts me easily and it's not like I can help it. I have to be on the computer all of the time, so naturally I drift off and do other stuff. I just can't break my bad habits.
This so much. I was involved with the thread at the start and now I don't even want to look at it. Where's the hide button when you need it?
I have to confess that the > "umm actually most men aren't like that, let me explain it to you to score brownie point from men"
are the ones that piss me off the most. I get the other groups, but women that shamelessly put themselves down so they could virtually sock cock to robots that don't view them as anything else but a cumdumpster? What a subhuman trash.
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All of this. There’s room for shitposting and thoughtful discussion both, but
>HELLO FEMALES, MAN HERE, YOU NEED TO RESPECT MEN IN THIS MAN-HATING THREAD AND HERE IS WHY
This so much, and the typical >well every man ive encountered and have a relationship with has been 100% unproblematic so I’m sorry u feel that way towards men
Like is the only men in your life God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit because otherwise I’m doubt
Honestly I wish the thread in crystal.cafe will be revived soon, because they actually have a strict no men policy.
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I have 4 exams in 2 days, followed by 2 more days with an exam each. Jesus give me strength. Someone light a candle for me, I've run out.
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Fucking hell, and I thought that I had a lot to do. I have a final for every class except my Graphic Design business class (she wasn't there half of the time because of a sick family member) and then I have to redo all of my GDBC work because I lost my files due to getting locked out of my laptop.
Life Sucks (c).
English is not my first language anon, but what do you mean by ghosting?
Your roommate was verbally abusive towards you and you didn’t do anything wrong. You really need to get a future roommate that won’t abuse you. Just forget about that cunt and move on.
ghosting means to completely remove someone from your life, don't call, don't text, don't answer, etc
and I'll try, it's kinda hard since he was a childhood friend, but thank you anon
i'm so sorry this is happening to you anon, it sounds horrible. and fuck those guys jesus christ, their conscience better weigh heavily on them.
it might not seem like it now but you will come out of this stronger and in a few years you'll look back from a much better place. do you have anyone else in your life looking out for you irl?
More like SJW but not like the typical type that you'll find on the internet. A little bit more laid back.
And yeah you're right. Made that experience too but I knew after a few seconds when to pull back sonce they were really aggressive about their views.
So she's less aggressive but once a discussion starts she get's very passionatet about things. Thing is you can talk about normal stuff too.
While most SJW I've met start the Conversation with their beliefs right away.
>>214935>So she's less aggressive but once a discussion starts she get's very passionatet about things. Thing is you can talk about normal stuff too.
I've noticed a lot of people take debates on their ideas as attacks on who they are. Like if you don't agree with someones conclusions about the world when they reached it through their own experiences, you're apparently denying their experiences or some nonsense like that.
Honestly I don't really get this new trend of refusing to talk about sensitive topics because people can't handle conflict, I'd rather just let the bridge burn than self censor because the person wants to spew their shit unopposed. If they're going to be insulting over this, does the relationship really have any depth to it anyways?>>214938>How much do I have to wait
It's not like you go to the therapist x many times and suddenly you figure out all of your stuff, they're a tool to figure it out instead. You clearly have an insecurity problem, and I noticed you never really fleshed that out. For instance, why does it bother you that his ex had similar interests?
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I hate my dumb birthday. All I ever do is reply to texts from people who I didn't text on their birthdays and feel bad. I don't even remember what month most of them were born in… How do they remember mine? Perverts.
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I traced a Sailor Moon image. Except that I didn't because I never finished it. I'm so bad at art that I can't even trace. My love of drawing comes and goes because I can never improve.
I was supposed to go to an interview today but as I woke up I just got so much anxiety and felt like vomiting so I didn't go. I feel like a piece of shit.
I know I should've sucked it up and been a fucking adult because just saying I had anxiety feels like I'm trying to excuse myself. I'm trying so hard to not let myself feel like a victim but at the same time there's a relief that I didn't waste time and money to just get denied.>>214998
Holy shit I'm so sorry that happened. Is there an investigation going to catch the asshole that did that? Some people just don't care about animals at all and act like anyone that does is being overdramatic or unreasonable. There're a lot of terrible people in this world.
that's really heartbreaking to hear wtf? also, your friend sounds like an autist if they can't understand companionship with animals. i grew up with horses and they're so much part of your life. it does hurt when they die, it's also happy when they give birth too. it's not exactly like family, or a family pet, but especially if it's a horse you're close to it can be close!
i hope you go to the police and find out who did it.
Thank you both, it's been a very tough week and while my own horse was okay, several of my friends lost theirs and they've been grieving strongly. An investigation is taking place although no leads yet, though I've heard a riders ex-boyfriend is now a suspect and if he is the one accountable acting out of some bitter revenge, I can't imagine how that rider will feel.
It has been comforting to see our local community pull together this week though - thousands have donated money for vet bills and resources for the surviving horses. But this incident has been a painful reminder that evil people can be anywhere.
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I keep waking up screaming lately and sometimes I don't even wake up until mom gets annoyed and wakes me up. Why the fuck did I have to be this fucked mentally?
Ooooooh, I want to SCREAM NOW!!!
This never happens to me when I'm doing other things but every single time I think things have calmed down enough at night for me to masturbate and have a bit of sexy fun, either my mother or my brother or my aunt or even my goddamn cat open the door and nearly give me a heart attack!
It's so hard to continue after that, especially with my mom, the old hag just doesn't sleep at night and walks around like a ghost, sometimes my little creep brother also stays up and feels the need to sneak up behind me to "prank" me. Sometimes it's just the cat, but it still scares me to death.
Nobody knows how to knock, nobody knows what privacy is, I'm already as paranoid as it is when I'm doing it and need a few hours to get into the mood and really get into it but it totally kills it for me when they barge in unexpectedly and start bothering me with their chit chat just when I was getting to the good part, then I end up being turned off, angry and even more sexually frustrated than before.
My father has been living in another country for 5 years now. He left when my mother died due to a terminal disease, so I don't have any family left here (apart from my boyfriend's family, which they're super nice to me).
This Christmas he's coming home. He's been in my city before, maybe three or four times but not in Christmas.
What pisses me off is that he's always complaining about leaving (how the other country is shit compared to ours, how he can't stand his actual wife, how he wants to come here again), when the truth is that he left because he wanted to, and he already knew his wife is a crazy bitch (they argued all the time while he was here, nothing new).
Also, he's the type of man who thinks that people should be there for him now because he's coming here. As if he had to leave for obligation or something like that. It's my father and I love him, he's always telling that our plans this Christmas shouldn't be conditionated by him but when I tell him that maybe I'll be seeing my bf's family some days, he's acting all pasive-agressive about it.
He's all obsessed about what people think about him as a father and I totally understand it, I know he acted like a shitty father and I know that he should've stayed with me at least because even if my parents were divorced at that time, he was the only left for me. As I said, it's his hypocrisy what makes me so freaking mad.
Unfortunately I don't have a lock and people would ask questions if I did have one. I do masturbate with the shower if it gets too bad, but it's just so much more fun and relaxing when you're dry and on a warm, comfy chair in front of the computer with lots of time to do it.>>215160
ikr? It's so annoying. I just want to flick my bean in peace, it sucks that I never had a bf but they at least shouldn't take THAT away from me because my libido is killing me.
I'm 27yo living with my parents and this happens all the time. There are periods when I'm extremely horny and have the need to masturbate at least 5 - 6 times per day but there's always someone that has to do disturb me during that time.
There are times when I manage to masturbate and finish off just before someone comes in.
> Anon, are you ok? You're really red in the face, let me check if your temperature is high?
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I had to help clean my brothers house so he, his pregnant partner and my niece don’t go homeless and have to pay thousands to the landlord.
I’ve never been so fucking angry, it was disgusting I honestly can’t understsbd how anyone can live the way they were, mouse shit and piss all in the pantry and just everywhere, rubbish, dirty clothes, incredibly stained carpets, rotting food etc
I hand washed ALL of their dishes because they had not a single clean one and even had dirty dishes stacked in the cupboards which had mouse shit all throughout.
He won’t ever be greatful for what my Mother and I have done for him, no one else in the family knows what’s happening, so he basically can’t be held to what’s happened and will continue to treat myself and our Mother like shit because he is lazy, childish and a waste of space.
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Have to visit a dentist soon. There's something with my tooth and I'm scared as fuck of dentists, because I feel this kind of pain very easly. Found a good one in my city I think, yet still I'm so damn nervous.
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My bf cheated on me with a 'poly' girl who knew he was taken but didn't care so I snooped, found out who she was, met up with her and then fucked her silly. today she told me she dumped him and tried really hard to get into my pants again.
Call me an ugly prude again Owen you fat little bitch, see what happens next
Your mom'll be next
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owens mom owens mom owens mom owens mom owens mom owens mom owens mom owens mom
I think it's because I have a lot of sharp lines in my handwriting? I don't know. She got really into handwriting analysis at one point and when comparing mine to the handwriting of whatever examples were in the book, she managed to get to that conclusion. >>215572
Thank you, Anon! Luckily she never beat me or anything for it… just a lot of scolding and weird insults.
Right anon?>tfw bf doesn't even have a computer and the worst thing he does is browse fb on his phone occasionally
Every night we watch a show together, snuggle, and talk. I can't imagine relationships where a partner won't talk to or care about the other because of a toy.
I relate to this on so many levels and empathize with you completely.
I've roomed with three males during grad school, and am now living with my boyfriend. Your experiences remind me of my own.
What's especially frustrating is that not doing the chores and just letting things pile up (as many people suggest in these situations), is that it doesn't affect the culprits. Because they don't care in the first place, they'll gladly let trash pile until there's maggots.
The messes only affect clean and organized people like us who care about our dwellings.
Oh, oh, and my other favorite result of not picking up after the men is that if you complain later, they'll turn it around on you
and point out how you've stopped working so why should they? That happened to me once when my ex roommates decided to leave me a double sink full of dishes as they left for spring break only to come back to find I had "saved" those dishes for them to do in a tub on the floor :) They proceeded to break my dishes we all used and claimed it was an "accident" out of spite whenever I didn't wash right away or it was their turn.
The only thing I could advise you to do is to get a magnetic eraser board and write a weekly chore chart with assigned names. You can rotate it monthly.
You could even pretend you're doing this in the roommate's interest as he's just "too busy" to be able to remember things.
And you know what? If he doesn't do the chores after that, then at least there's no ambiguity left. You'd be completely in your right to be angry and chew him out as fit for being a lazy asshole.
I know the chore chart sounds so tedious, because you shouldn't have to stoop to juvenile techniques in order to get adult men to be responsible. But I sincerely believe you may see results with it anon. Give it a try before you start being the maid to everyone.
Btw, the can at least cut the tapes and break down the computer boxes so they're flat and can be stored someplace.
im sorry anon….seriously kids in elementary and highschool fucking suck. I feel terrible in the past for any rumour that i believed or any gossip i contributed to knowing that most of those people were just in the wrong place at the wrong time…
Maybe one day you can move towns and finally have a fresh start <3
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One of my friends is considering moving back in with her abusive ex and it makes me sick to my stomach.
He kicked her out very abruptly in September and she stayed with me and my bf for a month in our one bedroom apartment until she was able to move in with other friends. It was supremely inconvenient but we did it because we cared. When she moved out, she didn't take a lot of her stuff with her and kind of made us into an impromptu storage unit. She spent her money pretty poorly and blew through her savings quickly.
Well, she had a medical emergency hospitalization soon after and quit her job when she got out. The friends she intended to room with said she should move back in with her family since she couldn't afford rent, and put her on a track to get kicked out of their place as well. She was supposed to move back with her family this weekend butttt…
…she's starting to see "good improvement" with her crazy abusive ex. You know, the same guy who put her out, spread around nasty gossip, verbally abused her, and embarrassed her. She just told me she spent the weekend with him and did a bunch of "cutesy" shit together but idgaf. I didn't even want to hear about that horseshit. He's putting on a facade. No good person would do fucked up shit like that in the first place.
Oh, and this goes unspoken but there's no way they didn't fuck. No guy is going to let his ex stay at his place for the weekend and not expect nookie in exchange. He's not the type to do shit out of goodwill.
And what makes me even more furious is that he badmouthed her friends (including me) in an attempt to isolate her when they were still together. Eventually I became a "potential thief" who wanted his plastic TOYS. Power Ranger toys I shit you not!
And she wants to get back with this person who treats her and her friends like shit. No, he will never apologize for the shit he said and done.
I'm so angry at her.
I know it's shit but anon there's nothing you can do. I just cut myself out of a similar situation with my friend and her abusive ex after years of this shit. I was always there, always a shoulder to cry on, went out of my way to prevent him being around her and would drop everything to run over so she could vent to me.
She kept sneaking around and getting back with him and I just couldn't do it anymore. You have to either try and reason with her or just cut it and move on.
I really fucking sympathize with this. Your description fits my old housemate to a tee.
He works four days a week at a grocery store, which is fine except he has no ambition to do anything except stream on twitch to zero viewers between the hours of 11pm and 6am. I turned my room into the nicest room in the house despite it being a tiny attic room with no central heat. As landlord's son, he got dibs on the master suite with 8 foot ceilings (he's 5'5"), while I'm literally several inches taller than him and my ceiling was 6'6' and slanted down.
Here's my worst story. A few months before I left, he and his brother got two pet bunnies. The thing that truly disgusted me was this: they had the bunny cages sitting straight on the floor, one cage in the hall, and one cage in the master bath. There was poop all over the carpet, and when the main shower broke, I had to use his shower. The rabbit poop somehow rolled to every corner of the bathroom and he would clear a little path through it by rolling them to the side with his foot.
The rent was only like $250, but I eventually said fuck it. Now I'm stuck at my parents for what seems like an eternity, but at least that episode is over.
>You can’t have a conversation with him without him acting like he knows more about the topic, and he’ll interrupt you to correct you even though he doesn’t know shit about the topic.
Although not necessarily a bad thing if he's ambitious, there's nothing a man wants more than to be respected, even if he does nothing to deserve it. If this guy ever admits he's wrong about a small thing, say "I really respect you for admitting you're wrong." If he ever admits he's not knowledgeable about something, say "I really respect you being so candid." Sometimes these guys will shape up with good reinforcement.
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That pretty much how I feel. My heart is hurting at how much I fucking suck at life. I'm about to ruin a few people's lives by the end of the week and it sucks. Pretty sure I just wasted the seven years I was in college. I may get a six pack of beer and just drink my face off and pass out.
If I could end my own life and not hurt anyone in family, I would do in in a heartbeat. I've thought about getting purposely t-boned (another driver hitting the front of their car into the left side of my car). If a drunk driver hit me and I was in the hospital, I wouldn't have the will to live. I don't what to do anymore.
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I just can't find someone who's attractive to me and I feel like I'm going to be single forever as a result.
My (still very good) uni friend would do things like this too; they were just raised by their parents right. ;)
I (female) would also do things like this for my best friend as she was very small and frail, while I am tall and athletic.
A genuine thank you goes a long way.
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I'm really horny and wanna have sex with someone random but I'm still a virgin an don't wanna throw my virginity away for no reason
This sounds so robot-y, I'm sorry
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I failed one of my finals. I missed the group speech and while I was crying my eyes out, I realized something. In the whole 19 years of my life, I learned nothing. I ended up where I was at the start: broke and no idea what I'm going to do with my life.
I want to kill myself because I already wasted 1/5 / 1/4 of my life, but at the same time, I want to see how far it goes before I can make the right decision.
I'm not sure what to do.
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I’m fucking sick of anons on this site that don’t read comments properly and get mad at something that wasn’t even said. Endless threads full of anons explaining/arguing simple points because others can’t hold in their need to get offended/correct minor points, pic related. Fuck off you nitpicking twats and LEARN 2 READ.
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My boyfriend just called me to tell me he was fired. This comes only a few weeks after they fired a different manager who worked there for five years, and it was pretty obvious bf was getting the axe next. The terminations are happening because the owners have a failing business and therefore shuffle through employees so as not to allow any dissension among the ranks/having to pay higher wage employees.
Bf said he was going to the bar next door to have a drink…whatever, I just told him to do what he has to.
He's been interviewing elsewhere in anticipation for the firing, I guess I didn't know how dire and soon this situation was upon us. I'm completely shocked that these shitbags would do this mid-December.
Farmers, I'm absolutely screwed insofar as supporting us both. I'm going to be forced to have to work even more at my own fucking job and I mentally can't take it. Even if I worked my ass off now it means I'd have to cover all rent and all bills from now and until whenever he gets a paycheck from the new job. This is all during the holidays.
I'm sitting here on the floor with a tight chest and tears welled in my sockets–no fuck that–I'm crying right now.
Bf said he was going to file for unemployment because he technically qualifies even though we live in a right to work state. It's just I hate how casual he sounded because it doesn't mean if he qualifies, that his unemployment checks will be here by tomorrow. This will take weeks if he doesn't find a job sooner than that.
I know killing myself will make fuck all better, but these intrusive thoughts are the strongest they've ever been. I am this shooketh.
>tfw I'm also waiting two hours for roadside assistance because my car battery is on its way out and the weather is cold
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My post is sort of dumb but I'm getting frustrated.
I'm trying the discord app and this shit is glitchy, my msgs keep not going through even though my internet is fine. I updated it but the same thing keeps happening no matter if I'm on wifi or 4g.
Also there's a question ive been trying to the answer to but I can't find it: can my friends see if I'm in a call ?
I rarely ever use discord so I don't know and I'm trying to get used to it.
I'd be very thankful if any of you could respond because I am set as offline rn avoiding a ""friend"" but I want to call someone else lmao. Thanks in advance.
I’m actually the BF in this situation; I slept around and did loads of kinky stuff before I got with my boyfriend, whereas he lost his V 6 months prior to us getting together and therefore has little practical experience. 2 years later and he is by far the best lover I’ve ever had. I can see why your BF’s past might be intimidating, but it is honestly refreshing being with someone who hasn’t been around the block a few times because they see sexual experiences with new eyes. I loved my boyfriend’s real excitement at trying new things, and how into it he got learning how best to please me!
Tl;dr please don’t be so self-conscious about this. Your BF is probably reacting the way he does because he can’t change his past, but you definitely have control over the (sexual) future you guys have together. Let go and have fun with it. Sorry for the blogpost, but hope that helped. Best of luck to you anon!
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>>214269>eats food with his mouth fully open
Execute him for being SUB HUMAN. No jury will convict you.
I hate how my parents have typically considered me to be this lazy person, but at literally every job I've had I have been considered by fellow employees and supervisors to be an ideal employee. Even though one of the jobs I hold is part time, both my supervisor and her boss wish there were at least 3 clones of me because of my work ethic and customer interactions for shifts I cannot cover. And at my full-time job, I'm one of those people that can't miss a day without it throwing everyone else through a loop because of all that I do to keep things running.
But my parents' opinions of my work ethic ran longer than my hs or even college graduations. Literally every teacher would give them raving reviews on how I would be the first one done with assignments, help other students, or whatever on parents' night, but because my depression would hit more at home (where I couldn't distract myself with work as much), it seemed like I did next to nothing.
And yes, I do see it since I've moved out of my parents' house, live alone, and work 6 days a week… I do drop on general cleaning responsibilities, but it's because I'm giving 120% at what pays me, so my one day a week of relaxation doesn't always get the attention it needs for cleaning and upkeep. I overextend myself for the sake of having funds to fall back on…. but I'm fixing that soon. I'm meeting with a financial advisor next week and we're going to start investing in a 401K and retirement options.
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A project that I wanted to work in got rejected for financial support at artistic public fundings. I'm so mad since in my country everything "art" or "creative" related is viewed as less and I'm not talking about alt-weird-art or those kind of things, I'm talking about series, animation and even movies. None of this stuff here can be profitable, neither as selling it or even generating jobs. I feel like an absolute failure because that area is doomed here and I get super angry when I see that the countries next to mine spend money in development of cultural projects and art, and my country it's supposed to be "rich" and more "stable" and "developed" than the others in my continent. It reeks my soul that even if here are good (and cheap) animators/directors/screenwriters/photographers/etc it's really hard to maintain the industry moving and the only solution to avoid being jobless or being a cashier the rest of your life is migrating.
Me too anon.
I had some hopes left after episode 7 but the last jedi has been such a shit show, there truly is no hope left.
The only ones who like it are the reylo fangirls on Tumblr because all they care about is dickings.
hey anon, I normally just lurk but I had to reply to your post - I won't tell you it won't get better, or it won't work out or to leave him because love isn't that simple, but I will tell you from personal experience that putting your energy into fixing a relationship due to another person's mistakes is mentally draining and something you shouldn't have to do. Why should you stress yourself and live in a paranoid haze just because of a mistake he made? You did nothing wrong yet you are the one having to feel like this and try and fix things and it's not fair on you.
It's all well and good for him to dance around telling you "ILL CHANGE IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN THINK OF ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER" but I'm assuming he made a conscious choice to hurt you and betray your trust. The fact that you have sacrificed so much for him makes whatever he did to you alot worse, and more of a reason to leave him imo.
Ask yourself is it really worth struggling through, getting paranoid at every little thing? Personally I waited 12 months trying to rebuild trust and the resentment just got stronger and stronger. Sorry for long winded post, I hope you're feeling better and you make the right choice for -you-, not the relationship or a person 100% willing to break your trust and grovel afterwards.
I'm starting to contemplate suicide again, even though I know I wont do it.
My insecurities in my looks are at such a high right now that any compliment I received before or after this event, I wont believe them.
I was told by a family member that one of my little sisters is prettier than me. And though I shouldn't be offended, I got really upset. I've always had envious eyes on my younger sisters because I'm the eldest and all the stress was put on my shoulders. They wont ever know the feeling of moving every year, the loss of real life friends, the emotional pain I was subdued. None of them know what I've been through.
I've always been insecure in my looks because I've never had a boyfriend due to religious reasons, I was picked on all throughout elementary and high school, and the only ones who complimented me were my friends – the people who never wanted to be rude.
I hate myself. I honestly wish I was someone else all the time. Someone people are happier with and can actually care about. I wish I was born in the cyber age because these kids are given everything they fucking want where when I was a kid I was lucky enough to get a smart phone when I turned 18, and it was a hand-me down old model. I hate that I live now, I hate my existence and I hate being in pain all the time.
I'm not a good artist, my family made that very clear; I'm selfish, a crybaby, and I don't want to exist anymore.
Fuck I wish I wasn't such a pussy so I could just end it. That's the only thing keeping me here. Not friends that would "miss me" – because they won't – or family that would rather I not exist.
Just the fear of ending it alone.
That's the only thing I have keeping me alive.
And that fear is slowly going away day by day.
I'm almost there.
>>216313>is it possible to rebuild trust with your partner when they've completely and utterly shattered it?
Maybe, if there's literally a decade or so of good history. But I could never imagine staying in that situation, I don't think I have the mentality for it. I assume the issue at hand is cheating anyways, and in situations like this I think back to some post I read on r/survivinginfidelity or whatever.
Basically, the guy stayed with his wife after she cheated on him. He thought maybe they could rebuild trust and tried to tough it out, but he was always angry at her. He just couldnt let it go, he started thinking in terms less of "us" or "we" and more like "myself". Reflecting on that was how he realized trust would never really be rebuilt between them. I don't want to be that person, I'd rather just take the loss and go for the nuclear option so I actually have a chance to really heal from what happened.
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Not trying to armchair diagnose you, but most your problems seem linked to your family. If you're thinking about ending it, how about trying to cut your family off before killing yourself. Do you have a job or something? Can you provide for yourself? If so, then just fuck those fucks. Try living without them, like completely
. It's like cutting off an infected arm, will be hard, but may save your life. Pick up something, some class or shit, you'll meet new people, maybe men. I know it sounds like "smile more and drink water" type of advice but it worked for me. Years of being suicidal. One day I realized that I can always kill myself
. Ironic as it sounds, it really reassured me. I can do a really drastic change and if life still sucks, then I can just an hero. It was kind of freeing, because when you still care for your life, you're afraid of changes, you worry that you'll fuck it up even more. But when you have that suicidal mindset, those things stop to matter. If it goes horribly wrong then I'll just do it, duh. And you know what, I feel like I'll be suicidal forever, it didn't magically cure me, but I am still here, and the change made me stay.
I don't know if I make any sense. If it sounds like I made your story all about me, then sorry. Just wanted to share.
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My favorite dress website uses Fedex smartpost to ship things domestically and I fucking hate them for it. Fedex is one of the most unreliable domestic carriers I have ever, EVER dealt with.
All I wanted was a dress so I could have something new and look nice for the holiday. It shipped on november 25th and it got lost somewhere in california on the 1st where it was scanned once and has never been scanned again since. It blew through two separate delivery dates and now it won't even generate a new one.
I contacted the shop's customer service and it took them two fucking days to get back to me so I filed a paypal claim. They told me a week ago that I had to wait until today to contact them again about the lost package. Like…? The package is obviously lost, either make an attempt to find it or give me my damn money back.
I paid using my credit card and it's basically paying interest for a product I don't even have. This whole situation is bullshit. Like I'm willing to accept that a package could at least be showing progress but be delayed at certain locations because of the holiday. But fuck this company for acting like the tracking not being updated for two business weeks going on three is typical holiday delay. It's fucking not. Never had trouble with USPS/UPS around this time of year, funnily enough.
we use fedex where i work and this shit happens all the time. but i'm customer service and tout a 1hr response time, and we will ship out a new item and just tell you to let us know if you get two, sometimes for $300+ items. company sounnds shitty.
I hate the fuck out of fedex too anon. I have some stuff shipped to my dorm and everyone but Fedex does a good job of getting packages to my dorm. They're too retarded to know how delivery to the dorms work(you just drop it off at the front desk and have whoever is there sign for it if needed) but they've been here literally hundreds of times handling deliveries. I've had shit arrive days late when they're the ones delivering my stuff.
I don't have advice or anyhting to offer. I just wanted you to know there are a lot of people who share your hate of fedex.
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i posted in the man hate thread, but i feel like i should post here too because it's ventposting and i really don't know what to do. my current boyfriend just doesn't seem to give a shit about me anymore. i think he used to, but when we started dating, he just stopped talking to me as much, stopped playing games with me, just he doesn't spend time with me anymore. we're in a ldr so that's already hard to maintain, and on top of that, it feels like i'm doing all of the emotional labor. the worst thing he does, is when i'm talking about something important to me or something that upsets me, he replies with a :(, sends me a cat picture, or just says "oh". or he changes the subject. anytime i bring up something that he's done wrong, he tells me that my medication is just wrong and that i'm freaking out over nothing. i don't know what to do, because he seemed so into me and interested in me before, but now he can't even find the time to hang out with me. not even to just watch a youtube video or something.
also, he lives in another country, and when i go to visit him it's really expensive and going through border patrol gives me a ton of anxiety. what does he do the whole time i'm there? ignore me, sit on his computer and play videogames/look at 4chan. he would only get up to eat, shower, or for sexual stuff. but he would ignore my presence there too. i can't just tell him what i need because he would think that i'm being irrational. he will insist that he loves me but make no effort to spend time with me or care about my problems so wtf do i do. did i piss him off somehow or is he just "like that" (as he says) and i need to get over it and accept it?
Dump him. He’s using you for sex and emotional attachment at his leisure. If he really cared about it he wouldn’t have suddenly started acting so cold to you. Whenever a guy changes how he acts around you so suddenly like that, it’s nevee a good sign.
Tell him you’re not happy and that if he wants to keep you, he needs to stop doing shit he can do by himself with you. Tell him if he wants a girlfriend, he needs to act like he has one and stop treating you like a follower.
lol I'm worried about my boyfriend cheating on me. Go back to r9k, incel. >>216686
Therapy sounds like a good idea. I really wish I had a close girlfriend, but I'm incredibly awkward. It's a wonder I have the distant friend group I have now.
You're only 19 years old, anon.
Almost everyone has some bad grades now and then. It doesn't really matter until the end of college or higher education, you're fine.
Almost everyone feels how you do about school. We don't learn much until we get an actual job and then learn on the fly. Self-study can be a great thing, especially something that you can use in future jobs in your interest. Since you are young, take the time now to learn some things that you always wanted to. Even if you just have an internet connection or a local library, you can do it.
I believe in you.
>>216772>In the end, however, they voided the cost of her salad.
Dammit, I hate it when establishments cave because the customer doesn't read.
Sorry that happened to you anon, it must be really embarrassing to be stuck with someone pitching a fuss over $4.
I remember this one guy back when I worked at home depot who flipped his shit when he realized each sheet of drywall was 10$ or whatever it was instead of both of them since they're in packs of two. Like I was worried the guy was going to start throwing punches or something with the way he was going on. The kicker is the drywall was sold at cost almost, they only made like 10 cents profit off of each one and were only carried so people would buy mud to patch them.
I'm not sure if these people are mentally ill or what, I just can't get how people think behaving like that is a good idea.
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I've been feeling horrible since last night because of my feelings for 2 guys at my job. I work in a retreat center that has several departments. One guy, I'll call "T" I work directly with once a week, but see almost everyday because we work across from each other. The other, called "S", is in a completely different department but I see a few times a week.
T is a funny laidback guy who I find charming and am begrudgingly attracted to. The problem is he has kind of a shitty work ethic and has pissed of a couple of my coworkers a few times, he can also be careless. I know we aren't compatible, but Im still attracted to him. S is a sweet, introverted, quiet guy who I also find really attractive and am trying to get to know him but its hard because Im also a shy introvert.
Yesterday the whole building went to see the new Star Wars movie and before we went T was hanging around me alot even though we dont work together today, he was just making jokes and random conversation, way more than usual. But I know he like this other girl in another department I'll call M because she told me he asked her on a date and he has been hanging around her all week. It's weird because it seems like he's been paying alot of attention to me the past 2 weeks too. Like coming up and asking me random stupid questions or giving me compliments and high fives for doing minor things. Im confused because I feel like he shouldn't be hanging around me so much if he's trying to date this other girl but I feel like I could be misinterpreting his behavior because he's pretty friendly with everyone (althoulgh Ive never heard him give anyone else compliments or high fives).
Of course T sat with M at the movie, but that doesnt bother me. Im just bothered be him being so clingy throughout the day when he's trying to get with M. S also went to the movie but came in late so I didnt get to sit or talk with him like I wanted to. When we all got back to the building after the movie ended I went and found S and got into a convo about the movie, he had to work though so I had to keep it short(he manages kitchen stuff and had to make sure the food was ready for retreat guests for dinner that night and breakfast that morning). I felt bad afterwards because I felt like I was bothering him when he was trying to work.
Its hard with S because Im scared he wont like me, and with T I hate myself for liking him because I know I shouldnt. Some part of me likes when he gives me attention but is scared that Im misinterpeting it as something more than it's not. I also just started working here a month ago and all my past jobs have been with only females. I haven't been in any type of relationship for 6 years because of depression/anxiety issues so Im not experienced with adult relationships.
>tl;dr: Im attracted to different guys, one who I shouldnt like and the other whose a hard to read introvert and it's confusing and scary.
Ok I need some advice. Posted this in another thread but it was probably the wrong place so ill put it here.
>Me, not a huge fan of social media or having many accounts, decides to join Twitter
>Some guy which I remember from an old community i was in follows me and sees my art, asks for a commission which I agree to because I need money
>Send him the drawing, he sends me the money, that's it
>He does not stop messaging me. I mean he does not stop.
>I decide to be friendly for a few weeks, small conversations about this or that. I don't see the harm.
>Until he starts calling me his GF and asking me to be his GF. This seemingly comes from absolutely nowhere
>I tell him no each time until I decide to start just ignoring him because I have a boyfriend already and I don't want to fuck anything up
>Two weeks later a friend of mine messages me, showing me a Facebook account which is using a picture of MY FACE as the profile picture
>This picture of me was up on social media for about 2 days until I deleted it, got maybe 5 likes.
>I message the account to please delete the photo, and ask them where they got it and why they are using it
>Apparently the person using my photo is the ex-gf of the Twitter guy. She tells me she's using my photo as a joke because Twitter guy is bragging to her that I'm his GF, that I'm so much prettier than her, etc. And she doesn't believe we are actually dating.
>Obviously not true. She agrees to remove it and I flip out at Twitter guy.
>I tell him that we're not dating, he's fucking crazy for saying that, and then I block him.
>Somehow he finds my Tumblr and starts sending me ask messages, again no clue how he did this. He's threatening me and saying if I don't talk to him then he will tell my BF that I cheated on him and that I dated him (Twitter guy.)
>Have a million anxiety attacks over this while explaining to my BF what is going on.
>Ex-GF of Twitter guy keeps in touch with me and sends me screenshots of the crazy shit he is saying. He's threatening to rape me, her, and his other ex. Also mocks his ex-GF for being raped by a family member in the same screenshot.
>I stalk his Instagram that I find by going back to his Twitter (I deleted mine at this point because I was paranoid.)
>He's posting shit like "So tired of psycho girls," "Why are girls fucking crazy," etc
>Visit his Tumblr account which I got from the screenshots sent from the ex-GF, he's reblogging photos from what I assume is his ex adding things onto the post like "overdose you fucking whore" and "answer me", "message me back", etc
>Ex-GF sends me more screenshots of him pretending I'm his GF, he saved a number of my selfies and sent them to her while insulting her and telling her that I'm prettier
>All of this shit dies down for 3 weeks or so. I'm finally calming down.
>Deleted all of my social media aside from my Tumblr since I don't use it a lot.
>Ban his IP from my blog.
>Today he sends me more anon ask messages from a proxy saying "I miss you, I won't leak anything just message me"
>He's reblogging my posts and telling me to talk to him and that he misses me and he won't leak anything.
I just spoke to an old friend about this from my old community who knows him, and he sent me screenshots of Twitter guy sending an underage boy a dick pic and asking him for a blowjob. Now I'm wondering where to go with this. I have this guy's full real name, I know where he lives and works. Now I have serious incriminating evidence against him because he's like 20. Doesn't live in the same state as me. Can I go to the police? If so, what would I show them? I know the underage boy in the screenshots and talked to him, and he says he might go to the police too.
I think you're better off contacting the police for advice on where to go from this. A quick google search states that you should contact your local FBI office for internet harassment: https://www.fbi.gov/contact-us/field-offices/field-offices
I think they would probably consider it a big deal that this guy is threatening to rape and kill three people, is stalking them, and that he's trying to meet an underage person for sex + sending them naked photos of himself.
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all these men invading us are making me paranoid. i know it's all probably one guy but to be honest it's kind of upsetting and i'm scared all the men i know in my life are really like that, at least subconsciously. it makes me not want to date guys for awhile or talk to them, because i'm afraid of them all being like that.
and yes i realize im being paranoid/anxious but its messing me up. i stay up late at night reading stuff like that and making myself worse. idk how to stop and just let it go
same. my bf has never even seen me naked and we live together. i keep almost all my clothes on during sex. he begs to see me naked but i’m too uncomfortable.
you have some kind of dysphoria. get help. >>217324
lol no…you also need help, just a different kind.
I really think it's not normal being ashamed of your body regardless of what it looks like. It is definitely therapy material.
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>never studied the whole semester because I'm always tired, may or may not fuck up my finals
>still haven't found an internship for the second semester, I never get answers and I'm told to wait for weeks for answers by potential employers
>can barely hang out with my friends and play video games
>part-time job is more and more annoying, the coworkers I get along with the most are always sent in different departments or get different shifts, costumers are huge pieces of shit and my shift really sucks
>developed a huge crush on a coworkers but I barely see him these days and never really got the oportunity to talk to him for very long for a bunch of reasons
>can't stop thinking about him even though I know I have no chance with him
>literally the only things that keep me going is that I could probably see him for a few minutes some days and the fact that this horrible semester is almost over
What is my life at this point.
I miss my childhood days when I was the coolest kid at the block and girls competed to be friends with me. Later I had this one bestfriend for life and was the happiest, but she changed schools and our friendship slowly collapsed, to the point when even saying hello is awkward now. Over the years I've also had this friend that I thought was my soulmate, we've had many adventures together, went through the weeb, edgy and depression phases together, she would always tell me she loves me and how important I am to her. Long story short she finally got herself a worthy boyfriend and we barely talk (though we are still good friends and very important for each other. But the magical closure is gone I would say.). My current bestfriend is a guy but it's not the same with a man, and also he's a shut in and dragging him out is always a pain.
I just miss having a bestie. I don't know, it's weird because it seems like I really want to be someone's number one. Some would say - get yourself a boyfriend or something, but it's not what I want. When (if) guys fixate on me I feel nothing, or maybe even aversion. I want a deep close friendship with a girl again, I don't crave romantic feelings at all. I wonder where that comes from, my family is great and loving, it's not like I have not-loved-enough-as-a-child issues. Eh.
I know this probably won't give me the most wholesome answers but anyone willing to help a gal out, gimme some perspective
so I saw this rly cute guy at a con and sent him a friend request on fb; we start chatting and we have a lot of common interests, the same dark nihilistic humour, we are generally hitting it off and talk every day for about a week. in this week I say how I thought he was cute and he's all "I'm so happy you got the courage to talk to me" and calls me darling/love, etc, he's very sweet and respectful and he actually talks to me and ya know, is attentive? like he doesn't ignore my messages, likes my posts, he said my hair was cute in my profile picture
so we wanted to meet up but he sped it up to ask me out for the star wars premiere; I mean, a guy asking a girl out on a date on star wars, the nerd mecca, when he could ask any nerd friend? hell yeah! (fellow nerd here so ofc I was thrilled), so he pays for my ticket (in 3D no less), he insists on coming to pick me up and drive me home, and he sends me a messg like "I'm downstairs, darling", so like, I come down
I've curled my hair into a vintage style (like in my photo), and I'm wearing a lowcut retro A-line black dress with a cherry pattern, very lowkey makeup just some concealer, mascara and a lip tint, I'm frankly looking bomb as fuck and I run into his arms for a hug. Now, I'm chubby/fat whatever you wanna call it, I'm a US size 12/UK 16, for reference, but I'm also only 5'1, so yeah. My friends say I'm not disgusting and I've got a cute face and I definitely don't look my age (I'm 6 years older than him).
He hugs me and laughs, but it's that sort of pleasant nervous laugh you get. In the car we chat, and well.. here's the thing, because we'd already expressed our interest I was pretty forward, which is very unlike me. I'm usually shy and reserved but I was touching his hand, touching his hair, touching his knees, I was being FORWARD. I ask to hold his hand on the way for a coffee before the movie starts and he says okay, and he sits next to me in the cafe, but his posture is like his entire torso is trying to escape from me. And I noticed but didn't rly pay attention, meanwhile all night he still does that sort of nervous small laugh, and I'm like oh well he's just shy. We talk, chat, banter, movie starts, and he has his hands firmly on his popcorn while I'm gently stroking his hand, stroking his thigh, not like full on fondling but that absent minded stroking with your thumb. He neither pushes me away but doesn't reciprocate, either. I'm getting kinda worried at this point but I kept at it until a certain point when I just stopped, and his hands are interlocked, firmly against his crotch area, as though he's waiting at a hospital or something.
Movie ends and his hands are stuck in his pockets, and I noticed him checking his phone every so often but like okay, not my deal. In the car as we go I'm like so yeah… I really like you and I hope you like me too and he's like making dodgy answers like "you're not my type" and that he's a picky person and I'm still just as cute but it's like when someone seems interesting online but comes off different IRL (??? at this tbh like I wasn't a surprise he knew what I looked like, ya feel?) and I was so shook I was just yeah it's fine, it's okay, and he's like no it's not okay and he feels bad but he's still happy he met me and we can still chill out and such, yeah? and what on earth can I say here
so yeah he drops me off and like, I'm fucking heartbroken. All through the week I'd been talking to everyone I knew about him, sharing our convos, saying how amazing he is, what we have in common, and our date, and I come back home in tears and everyone online is bombarding me with messages like HOW WAS THE DATE and I had to humiliate myself by explaining what happened
and like I just don't get it. He's 21 sure and appaz hasn't been in a relationship in a while but I just don't get it. Was me being forward a downer? Cause… I mean… I thought I was actually being open and not a weird introverted freak and we both said how anxious we were before we met, and I thought he was gonna be different, you know? Was it my appearance? Cause he knew what I look like, I assume he'd look through other photos, I don't think my body type came as such a surprise, or that I'm that repulsive. I just don't understand what could have happened in between "I'm downstairs, darling" and "you're not my type" and honestly it's bummed me out to hell and back
sorry for blogpost but I just really need some fucking insight, experiences or whatever because it's torn me apart bc the guy is… yeah, I really like him
you seem like a nice person nonnie, but also… incredibly creepy. I can see how it's justifiable, you're a nerd, chubby, introverted (if I understood well? Sorry for assuming), and you thought acting differently and more forward will be better, but you know what would be truly better? Being yourself. You creeped him out, no sugar-coating here, you were incredibly inappriopriate.
Imagine being a girl, meeting a guy for a first date and he immediately puts his hands onto you, stroking your freaking thigh??? I would SMACK.
You clearly noticed the signs - interlocked hands and oh god, hands against the crotch. Seems like he felt VERY uncomfortable and you knew it, why did you continue behaving like that??? This actually makes me really upset, even though I symphatize a bit with you.
Maybe him saying you're not his type and different irl meant that he thought you're a nerdy, introverted or whatever girl and he didn't expect you behaving like some casual tinder date.
said, this will be a lesson for you. I don't think you should pursue this guy any further, you fucked up here. Or at least don't go at him with darlings and such, start slowly, rebuild his trust.
I don't think it had anything to do with you being fat or anything else about your appearance.
You just came on wayyyyyyy too strong contrary to how reserved you might have seemed online. Also if he knew you were older, he might have gotten desperate vibes but didn't want to be rude to you by declining.
Please, please, please try not to touch someone on future dates without at least asking. There was nothing wrong with you asking to hold hands, but the hair and thigh touching is incredibly weird for a first date. I wouldn't like a guy, no matter how cute, touching me like that on a first date to a movie either. I can't imagine how awkward this must have felt as a dude.
I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings. Surely you had high hopes and maybe just got a little carried away in your excitement. As a fellow fattie I know how flattering it is to be asked out by someone cute, but try to show restraint before you drop them moves girlfriend.
i agree with everyone else, you seem really forward and its a turn off for most people. if someone did that to me i would cut them off, sorry.>>217953
kek, my friends do this too but i just learned to get over it. they could never style the pieces without copying me, its almost funny. me and my boyfriend have a game where we guess what theyll copy next.
Pleasssseee tell me this is bait.
Be flattered they like your style and get over it. >go back to brands like prada
Don't worry about comparing your trauma to others anon. What matters is that their actions affected you and it had a negative impact on your adult life now. It's not wrong of you to be angry about that, rightfully so.
But I know, society is judgmental. If you weren't abused in certain ways, people tend to think you're exaggerating for attention.
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My boyfriend is an obnoxious drunk.
He's been hamming shit up recently because he got fired from his job. He's been spending every free opportunity, after applying for jobs, drinking and hanging with friends. I don't want to completely begrudge him for it since he hasn't had a 'vacation' in years, but I can't stand him when he's drunk. He doesn't come home drunk often, but when he does, I'm annoyed.
List of annoying shit he does:
-He yells loudly.
-Gets sensitive if I'm not 100% paying attention to the ramblings and mundane rants he goes on about which are frankly unimportant.
-He gets really touchy-feely, and I don't like being sexual with him when he's drunk bc it literally doesn't feel right. His obnoxiousness isn't a turn on for me anyway.
-If he gets the hiccups he literally pitches a tantrum.
-Extremely clumsy, spills drinks and food everywhere.
Lately I've been getting out of work at 10pm, I have until midnight to myself, and then by 1-2am he's back home and I have to drunksit. It's so hard to stay mad because this is literally the only vice he has, but it's so fucking irritating. I hate it. Alcohol is so overrated.
>>218032>tell me about this person you hate anon>lol btw anon I'm throwing her a going away party
I'd like to think the best and presume this person either has no spine (needs to be friends with everyone), or secretly wants to get more dirt. Yet it does appear to be a bad case of two-faced. Enough so, that I wouldn't trust her with your personal feelings anymore anon.
Redirect her questions and maybe ask her how she
feels about the coworker. Be a soundboard.
girl in the creative field, thought dating older/more established artists was smart and ended up in an emotional abusive relationship and now with a stalker who has a close group of shitty friends. i have self esteem and i genuinely just want a partner to be mutually challenged with so inspire/be inspiring with, but after these relationships with narcissists i tend to get sabotaged. my work is very well received and i attract other established artists but i'm battling not speaking out against people for the sake of my career. did recently, got a lot of support, but did it through a vague instagram story bc the silence and trauma of what actually happened got to me and was reacted to by one of the friends (which was insanely creepy) like that night/morning. furthered a mental health stigma issue, which i don't mind, but he fakely puts out an accepting persona to a very large audience and his friend (who constantly got me hammered while he had two beers, knew i had p bad depression, and brought me to his place to sleep with me so. date rape, i woke up and cried, but no one knows) probably gets a huge ego boost when he's keeping something really fucked up alive. it's really painful seeing the vague support he gets while maintaining focus on myself as such a smaller artist, and a girl so i have to fight that much harder. i had mentors when i studied who were considered legends, and all they did was pull me aside to remind me of my talent and potential because they could obviously see me in the grips of depression. not a subtle brag, and thank you for reading, but it's the truth.
i blocked the obsessive friend (who i met on the street and was a creepy dickhead, respectfully told the mutual friend that story and even he agreed he was very in the wrong there) but it sucks because he's a narcissist and will probably retaliate. I've been trying my whole life to find solid treatment for ptsd and am starting some new treatments to hopefully this will allow me to block it out. it just fucking sucks burning these bridges when i was only friends/got taken advantage of because this person was misunderstood, and i genuinely felt like they needed a friend. i did it because loving other people inappropriately but genuinely is my way of loving the traumatized parts of me that i repress; I'm very on top of treatment but i can't for the life of me control my empathy and letting people like that get to me because it's so extreme and fucked up. every therapist i talked to agrees but it's just not that easy.
so in short i have a lot of real potential but i don't have thick skin. i only trust one person, and another just came back into my life, who are crazy talented but they're going through a lazy phase from emotional exhaustion too. trying to surround myself with more motivated people but this has made me not want to reach out at all. i feel really stuck and should probably move, but no where feels safe.
on top of this i have some crazy current girlfriends of my gross abusive exes that both stalk my shit and copy me in the creepiest obsessive ways; literally all these people fixate so hard even after blocking them. i look every few weeks for the sake of my sanity and keep it even more distant unless boredom gets to me, but it's so fucking weird.
i left enough personal information from this to be found but i honestly don't care anymore it can range from frustrating to depressing to disconnected from humans entirely. i know it's all just my ptsd making me more scared but it's already been a living nightmare once just so some dead inside men could take from my youth and potential. i don't want this to destroy me, my work is good because i am so sensitive so i don't want to keep numbing out with drugs, and i just needed to leave this somewhere for humans to see because it's got me that fucked up.
i know it's some social vampire shit but i'm not manipulative enough to know how to steer this in my favor. even blocking the toxic friend made me really anxious from past abuse, and i'm just scared he'll ruin my one thing that i've fought so hard for.
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Not that anon, but I also have a problem with it so I'll try to summarize:The biggest problem people have with it, myself included, is what they did with the character of Luke Skywalker. They made him into a bitter old hobo who gave up on everything and tried to kill his nephew (Kylo Ren). He sensed the possibility that Kylo might go to the dark side and got scared so he almost killed him in his sleep. Kylo woke up, saw Luke with his lightsaber, ready to kill him and that traumatized him and made him actually go to the dark side. Now that wouldn't be a problem if Luke was a new character, but Luke was already established in the ORIGINAL TRILOGY. Luke fought and forgave his own father, fucking Darth Vader, and said he still sees good in him. That was the whole point of the original trilogy, Luke as someone who does not give up and still sees good in people no matter how much on "the dark side" they are.Now Disney made him attempt to kill his own nephew because he sensed "he might go to the dark side" and later made him give up on everything, live on remote island alone, milking sloths for green milk. Basically they shat on one of the most beloved character and everything he represented, and made live an awful life and die a dumb death. Other than that, the whole movie feels like a filler. Nothing from episode 7 is resolved, what was supposed to be the main villain turns out to be no-one and dies. New characters feel empty etc
your mom probably feels guilt over her own actions, don't let her deflective bullshit get to you. if anything it was some reference to her siblings or older relatives, but sounds like she needs to grow the fuck up. my mom is very incompetent so i relate, and i found out her mom was abusing her and she just did what was ingrained in her. if she ever does anything hurtful like that to you it's 100% not you and it's her internalized battle she involves you in. Call her out and say her judgement is what fractures the love and that she needs to look at herself and grow up. Stand up for yourself if it hurts you this badly because you have every right to be hurt. Don't put up with this from your family sometimes, remind her to talk about her problems instead of being passive aggressive if she really cared. You being more mature about it than her puts things into perspective.
Get some sleep and you'll feel better. I have insomnia and issues with benzos too from anxiety and it's just your brain regenerating chemicals, not reality, and I relate that it's hard as fuck to separate yourself from it but try to let it run it's course. if you have issues with anxiety/depression please consider taking a blood test and addressing vitamin deficiency issues if you haven't already. Taking a thyroid supplement and vitamin d really helped me get off benzo dependency. try looking into a supplement called "black seed oil" because it is the only natural thing i've found that has effects like a pill.
Thank you for answering.
I don't know if she's abusive per se. She is anxious, overbearing and take everything badly. I myself have diagnosed GAD and I couldn't stand having her reel up my anxiety all the time (not on purpose but she couldn't keep herself from doing it). I had to move away a few years ago and the contact have been few and far between. Every time I try, she talk to me about her health issues, how she's lonely and stuff. I feel so guilty afterwards. I'm not a good daughter, I should be taking care of her, but I can't, I'm not stable enough to do it. I tried to explain it to her and all she could tell me was basically 'why are you telling me this, I'm not a shrink'. (sorry for rambling, I needed it out of my chest)
I'll look into supplements. I have taken half a histaminic and the last half of a zolpidem to try and get some sleep so the depression doesn't get out of hand for now.
>>218057> "i was beaming when you messaged me!"
>he kept complimenting me and telling me that he can't believe someone "as gorgeous" as me is interested in the same things he is.
This guy is really into you. He's probably so afraid of seeming clingy and scaring you off that he's always letting you initiate contact.
I bet that he purposely waited those hours to message you back too.
Fucking nerds don't know how to act with girls. I think it's cute but it gets annoying sometimes too. I don't know what kind of advice to give you but I'm dealing with the same kind of guy who -tried- to play it cool.
One day I just didn't have the patience for it and I told him I was feeling kinda lonely that day and what do you know, even though his Skype was "offline" I got an instant reply.
that makes me feel a lot better. im getting too old for the cutesy, playing games type of stuff. i guess that's what i get for going for a nerd, though, lolol. i also noticed that a lot of the times he messaged me on insta it was pretty much always when there was something to have a conversation about on my insta story.
very hard being a socially inept introvert when the person im going after seems to be the same.
I'm on antipsychotics and yeah the sideffects can be shit ubt honestly, they're probably no where near as shitty as thinkingyou're being hit by ghosts, or blacking out and cutting yourself. sometimes you gotta trade off some stuff.
also stimulants (including coffee/tea) and a lack of sleep can trigger
episodes too so try changing your diet and sleeping habits.
Girl, don’t feel that way. Tbh, visiting this forum gave me a major age complex for a while, but you’re more normal than you think. I’m 26 and just am just reaching the 1-year point with my first boyfriend. Was a virgin when we met too.
Sometimes it just takes a little longer for people to get out there. I have friends older than me who have still never been in a relationship.
You’re not stunted, or weird. You’re just hard on yourself.
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I really hate some of the newfags that are popping up that don't know how to google shit and not giving proper links/info. Like, c'mon people it's no that hard
ayy nonnie, I'm Pisces with Virgo rising, would we have a love/hate relationship? >>218172
Don't worry, contrary to popular belief many people are "late bloomers". I know plenty. Always thought people my age all have had sexual/romantic experiences, but the reality is, most of them don't. And the years are passing, and they are still single. If it's something you really crave, set up a dating profile or take some classes/do something new, because changing surroundings is vital. No prince is going to appear suddenly, unfortunately you have to put effort to find one.
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>tfw last months at home before moving abroad
>dysfunctional family with NPD mom
>home is in a Bumfuckville where there are like three people my age, the rest is either teenagers or old people
>now mom is scared she might have a growth in her left breast, scaring us too as a result
I've been looking forward to my departure for such a long time, but these days everything is harder. I feel even sadder than before, lonelier than before, and both yesterday and the day before yesterday I've seriously had two panic attacks because as a result of the stress my body dysmorphic disorder has got worse and I avoid looking in the mirror. Even though this has nothing to do with my stress.
I usually see myself as alright, even pretty, but these days I just want to have PS on my whole face.
>>218209>If it's something you really crave, set up a dating profile or take some classes/do something new, because changing surroundings is vital.
I’ve tried tinder, OKC, POF, match, fetlife and bumble. Every message I get is a hookup request or a guy looking for a Mommy. I should also mention I live in a small woodsy town and I’m not particularly attracted to the football-loving beer-swilling religitard guys around here. There aren’t really any classes to take anywhere, the only places to go are church and sporting goods stores. It’s super remote, I have to drive 45 minutes one way just to get to or from work.
I like musicians and skaters and hippies, but every guy I meet like that is either a lazy bum chasing a constant high or is younger than me. I feel super gross about younger guys liking me because the guy I lost my virginity to was a few year younger than me but had a full beard/moustace and looked older, he lied to me about his age until after we had sex because he was tired of also being a virgin. When we met he told me he was 20, turns out he was 17. When I freaked out on him he called me shallow and said “it didn’t matter” and to him “older chicks are hotter anyway” (yay, age complex at 19!). He also wanted me to be very nurturing and very OTT complimentary and supportive but all he could ever do was talk about himself. Needless to say after I found out he lied to me just to fuck I stopped talking to him, but it really messed me up and despite it being years later and seeing multiple therapists over the years, I still feel cheap and gross over it and my self esteem/body image are dogshit. Really, that is probably the only thing keeping me single- I guess I just hate myself for a lot of reasons and my therapists never saw a reason to address those issues, so…?
I’ve met some good guys over the years who have expressed an interest in me but I always turned them down because I felt like I wasn’t good enough or because they were simply younger than me. I know that’s a shitty thing to get hung up on, but it bothers me so much. Even when I see other women dating or married to younger guys, I gently cringe to myself.
Really, I think I’m too broken and too much of a waste of time. I feel like I’m too emotional and no guy would want to be with me unless I was either some emotionless meme-spouting sex robot or a pretty, perfect girl with lots of friends and money and a good life, and I’m neither of those things.
>sage for mental illness and self doubt
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Narc mom be like
>"Our neighbours never say "Hi" to me when they see me! It's because we're poor, and they feel superior to us even though they didn't even get a degree!"
Gee… But they do say "Hi" to me, how strange. I suppose this has nothing to do with the fact that you're a nutjob who screams profanities all day long… no
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I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't know who I am or supposed to be. Every time I get together with my friends, they have a friend of theirs tag along and instantaneously Im tossed off to the side and ignored because they're having their in-jokes or whatever, or worse I become the butt of the joke that they can make fun of. I'm always called "weird" just for knowing facts about fashion designers or because I enjoy doing costuming or just because I appreciate certain aesthetics and make a fucking collage or two for my social media accounts.
I'm so upset because we're all fucking adults and it feels like I'm back to high school where I become the token "weird and random" friend that every keeps around to have some good laugh material at the end of the day. I'm just tired of being the friend that does everything to keep their friends happy and supported while I never get that reciprocation. Even this holiday season, I've gotten gifts for everyone that I've thought through based on their likes, what they need, and something that would remind them of some of our inside jokes; I even handmade a few cards. I've gotten nothing from these same friends, claiming that they have "no money or time" while they at the same time are going on fancy trips or buying their other friends something.
It's just so fucking embarrassing to me because I feel like such an afterthought to everyone. I wish that sometimes these friends can remember me and check in on me with a simple "how are you?" or something. Sometimes I get so sad when I hear about other people's friends and they talk about how their friends threw them a surprise birthday party or sent them a thoughtful gift or took a fun road trip with them. I just wish I were appreciated a bit more and not taken for granted.
I don't know how to anymore since I'm not really in that daily environment to meet people. I'm currently in a graduate program consisting of eight people that already have ties to one another from a year or two prior. Everyone's also too busy to foster any real friendships, so it is what it is. As for things like clubs and gatherings, I really don't have the time in the day to really invest myself in a hobby fully. I have so many little things I like to do here and there, but my schedule doesn't really allow me to delve into any scene deeper than I can already.
I just feel like I'm in this weird grey area where I can't really make friends, even in the things I'm interested in. I just feel like with interests and clubs people are already pretty established in the scene and are less likely to open up to others because they have solid friends interested in those things already. I guess I've dug my own hole and now stuck in it.
i really hope you check this in time, please do not pass up the opportunity to spend a holiday with your gf in a healthy family environment. reaffirm you will enjoy yourself and just focus on being present with how comfortable your gf makes you feel. she's trusting you to show up, if you make a mistake she cared enough to invite you to spend the holidays with her family so she will work through it with you. you do the best you can.
what you're going through makes perfect sense and is very common. I'm sorry your family was so homophobic, that's awful and you need support for that as you work through it. if you don't the thinking will only become more cyclical. no one is taught how to deal with phobias or how to get help, so don't beat yourself up about it. there are stages to grief, everything you are feeling is normal given your situation. the faster you accept that and yourself the faster you can get better, life takes weird turns but really the self worth you learn in the end is worth it. this will in the end increase your capacity to enjoy life.
>>218443>already pretty established in the scene and are less likely to open up to others because they have solid friends
Whilst people don't actively look for friends at the end of their course, it still happens all the time. Your brain is telling you to give up, that there's no point in trying, but that's not true. Social mixing situations are a bit like going to the gym, it's hard at first and sometimes you have bad days but you can make gains and even when you don't, you can learn about yourself. You don't have to go out every night but try and give it an honest shot whilst being as friendly to everyone as possible, and if you don't like it, try once more. The worst case scenario is that you come off as a weirdly nice person to some people that you will never see again after you graduate, but it will be experience for when you have more time to make an effort of socializing. >>218444
Sometimes there is no lesson anon, sometimes life is just unbearably shit until it suddenly becomes good again. Why do you need to stifle yourself to pacify others anyway? I can't think of many reasons where it genuinely need to, can't you just put down the extra stress of keeping everyone else happy and just focus on yourself for now?
Being attractive is a meme, at least facially. Most people only care if you're healthy looking (somewhat in shape, take care of your hair, skin and teeth). If you're confident to boot, you'll be okay.
What do you mean you're cringey?
The thing is, it sucks. But it happened. And the more you wallow in that bad feeling, the more you weaken yourself. Those guys, they just went on with their lives. It sucks to hear someone say that but that's life, and a lot of people will step on you if they can. So what do you do about that? You learn to look out for yourself and you learn to give no fucks. Things in your past, you can let them destroy you and then your life is over. Or you can take them in your stride and use them to make you stronger. Then you'll look back on those things and be like, Yeah I made something of that situation.
Also, most kids are stupid and naive and do shit like that. You don't have to feel alone. It happens. It doesn't dictate the rest of your life unless you let it.
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>Have stupid crush on a guy I've only really made small talk with once
>Friend knows him irl, says he's really nice and sweet
>My exact type looks wise
>looking thru his instagram
>he follows like 6000+ accounts
>look at who he's following
>the list of full DD/LG gear etsy stores, littles and insta-models
>Includes fucking binkie princess
I give up
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i feel u. merry christmas anon
Unfortunately I do not know the answer, but her dad being concerned speaks volumes. Maybe he knows something about her you don't? Also people vehemently against cheating are either insecure and worried about being replaced or cheaters themselves, trying to seem like they would never do it.
What is your gf's relationship with the coworker? See how she would act if you wanted to go together.
Also is her dad oldfashioned? Cause maybe it's more about his values than your gf doing something wrong.
IDK but if the coworker is of a sex she is attracted to I would worry. Why does she have to stay the night? What is the justification?
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I have failed as a human being and the only thing that makes feel better is that I'm not a weeaboo or furry nor do I have weird fetishes.
I've been depressed for 7 years and I have no hope for things ever getting better. I also struggle with anxiety and an eating disorder.
I'm not jealous or bitter of people who are happy and I hope I'll never be. I just feel weird around them because I can't relate to them and I'd rather not come in contact with them at all.
I want to be as perfect as I can under these circumstances so I wouldn't be completely disgusting.
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Oh shit. Well, at least you can say you dodged a bullet there… Imagine ending up sleeping with him and he comes out swinging a belt around like this gaunt motherfucker
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Sorry to break it to you but pic related is every girl's fantasy.
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tfw I will never have chloe gf. I live in a bumfuckville and there are no lesbians here. I doubt I will find my chloe anytime soon.
See she invites me sometimes and asks if I wanna go, the night before she wanted me to come out. I know she wouldn't mind if I wanted to tag along and probably would be happy.
Maybe her dad sees it as she's going over to a guys house to stay the night all the time.
The reasons behind staying the night is they drink. Either go to bars or go to his house and drink. The group of people stay up late sometimes so it's easier to stay over instead of asking me to pick her up at like 4 am or hoping someone isn't too drunk to drive her home.
On her sexuality she says she is pan…..idk though I'm the first relationship she's been with whose female. She expresses having attraction only to me and blah blah. I'm bisexual and sometimes she has an issue with it lol
But when we do hang out together they tell me she smokes with them even though when I confront her she denies it. I've asked all 4 of the guys and they confirmed it. So maybe she does other things and doesn't tell me???
I agree with you on that, however in LiS almost every character is a stereotype. I think it's one of the things that made the game so endearing to lots of people. But yeah, they could have written a better script for Chloe.
And I don't know if you played Before the Storm, the new season just made me crush a bit harder on her character.
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I love me some cringy daddy gifs. They make me laugh, but at the same time… I don't know, I feel like I want to beat this guy up. Worst thing is that I would probably succeed, he seems fragile as a leaf.
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I am angry and confused and not sure if my frustration is valid or if I'm just being petty. My boyfriend of a few years has been nagging about not wanting to send him nudes for quite a damn fucking while, but I really don't want to and simply cannot understand why he won't accept that. Oh, and he also told me that I should sell sexy photos of mine online, not naked but in a bra and stuff, because it's such easy money and he would definitely do that if he was a girl. All that just seems and feels wrong to me.
Is it normal that I am feeling disrespeted and almost want to stab him? I barely feel attracted to him sexually already and his disrespectful attitude makes it even more … sad.
You're in the right, anon. You shouldn't do something you're not comfortable with, and not sending nudes is always a smart move. He also seems so sketchy for the "sell your lewds online, I would do it if I were a girl" thing… like what the fuck. He strikes me as the type who would post revenge porn of you if you break up with him.
Definitely don't send him nudes.
I just don't like her way of "everything has to revolve around me" thinking. It's been a while since I played it so sorry if I get anything wrong.
Anyways her getting pissed all the time for no real reason, so when Max does not share her opinion for example, just made her very … unlikable.
She's just a typical angry alt teenager meme.
Also the ending where Max would destroy the picture and then killing everybody just made it worse. The ens scene where they drove of and BOTH seemed fine with their whole town.being destroyed just did the final blow.
When she actually offered her life I liked her. But then getting to know the other ending made it worse.
I just don't see her appeal. And I can't see her as a 'deep' character she is basic af.
I like her apperance but her character not so much.
Anyways If you like her cool.
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after about 14 years of whatever anxiety disorder i have been diagnosed with i notice for the first time about 2 weeks ago i have a really annoying problem with muscle twitches and involuntary jerking of my head and shit. like i already dont leave my house for weeks at a time, im so fucking mortified of the jerking and twitching. im just confused that if its my anxiety why now after all this time?
Okay so everything here may sound really dumb, but it's 5am, I haven't slept, so I can't really think straight.
I've put myself in a very, very dumb situation.
My boyfriend of 1,5 years broke up with me about four months ago. I was devastated, the relationship was amazing. Right now, I understand why it happened. I want to get in touch with him in about a month or 2.
2 months ago, I met this guy through a mutual friend, let's call him R. R and I started to build a friendship, I didn't really know what to expect. He told me he thought I was attractive. I was flattered, but I wasn't ready for another relationship.
A few weeks later, R and I started sexting each other. I thought it was very exciting, I finally dared to open my doors to someone else rather than my ex. I did feel some mistrust though (I have been abused in the past, so I do have a hard time trusting people). I didn't pay too much attention to that, I focussed on opening up and letting my ex go.
R and I had sex one of the first times we met, at his apartment. We wanted to keep it casual, but it turned into so much more. We had intense feelings for each other, and R didn't want to give in just yet, because he knew I have unresolved feelings for my ex. I completely understood his decision, even though it was difficult. But soon, the cycle continued. Until today.
He completely cut it off, through fucking Facebook messenger. I feel so used.'
The direct reason he broke it off is because he just doesn't understand my trauma of being abused, and I understand why. It's not something that's easy to manage, not a lot of people know how to handle it. My problem with him is though, he didn't even give me a chance to explain it. I'm extremely frightened of being used so I question my partner quite often when the relationship is this young. I guess he couldn't handle that. I'm not sure what to do. He told me he doesn't want to have anything to do with me again, it's so sudden. We were so happy a few days ago, I really miss him already.
I'm probably going to not talk to him for a while and then try to talk to him.
I fuck up everything I have because of something I can't seem to let go. I feel pathetic.
Anon I hope you don’t mind me responding, I just feel for you so much. I’ve been there. You’re not pathetic, and you don’t mess things up. R was a rebound, especially given that it started when you were still hung up on your ex, and rebounds come and go. In a month or two, if you try to talk to him again, you’ll probably reevaluate and think, “this guy isn’t that great.” Being with anyone else after 1.5 years of monogamy is new and exciting that rush you get from it can make you think the guy is some big catch when really he’s milquetoast. He’s small potatoes!
Maybe something happened too, you know? Think about it, if your ex came back to you today and said, “I made a mistake and I’m so sorry, but I would like to spend forever with you making it up to you,” what would you do with R? Would you drop him in a second for that chance, regardless of how happy you were with him? Maybe his dog died. Maybe he’s gay! My point is that people come and go and those rebound states are so fragile as is, especially when they’re initially defined by “casual,” friends with benefits type deals. You say it turned into something so much more, but you can never really know that for sure. Men will be really careless sometimes and say things that mean the world to you while simultaneously believing “this is just casual and I don’t owe her anything.”
I digress, you’re not pathetic and you’re not ruining anything. It took me a long life of dealing with trauma and the ensuant loss of potential relationships to know and believe the cliche “if it’s meant to be, it will be,” and when it was finally meant to be it was, trauma and all. I know you’ll be fine.
you got out of something that you felt was really intense to seemingly into something else that felt as such. it is understandable that you would be left feeling the way you do. it really could be simply that the new guy really was just in for it for the sex. some guys go into it hard for the physical and when they move it on it could be as easy as that they got bored or found something else that elicited something as exciting but newer.
rebounds can hurt. ive found over the years that it could be really helpful to take some time to be alone and deal with what you need to personally instead of finding comfort in the arms of another
Thank you both. I'm very glad you responded. I'm also very glad that my situation isn't something I can't feel bad about, I don't give myself enough credit. I'm really going to take your advice in account, it's very helpful.
I talked to a mutual (female) friend of ours, and she told me he tried to seduce her as well, and that he isn't very trustworthy, and he's manipulative. He seems very sweet on the outside, but in reality he has a fear of commitment. Something that I wouldn't mind, if he'd talk about it, I'm all about supporting and helping.
But whatever, it's over now, I'm glad it happened now and not after a few months. I regret opening up to him, but I guess that this is a lesson for me.
I know this may sound shitty but sometimes you just have to put yourself first even if it's selfish. You shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for someone else, especially considering that person did awful things to you so he clearly didn't have any regard to how those things were going to affect you. And, no offence, but him throwing shit because you broke up with him sounds weird at and like a red flag for me. Idk maybe it's just me but I think that's more reason to dump him.
That being said, if you want to continue things with him maybe you should try some sort of couple therapy to help you work through whatever issues you had.
My PTSD started acting up and it’s Christmas.
My sisters were arguing which woke my drunken stepfather from his slumber. He started yelling and screaming at my mom and two of my sisters, causing one of them to leave.
My brother tried to have him go back to sleep to no avail as dear stepfather started verbally attacking him and tried to attack my remaining sister, my brother punched him. This happened while my other sister and her boyfriend are visiting.
I heard the yelling, hitting and screaming because I was in the next room and they are in the living room. I was shaking, panicking and weeping while in a numb state. This whole “confrontation is nothing new, regardless of what day it is and usually happens every other month or every 3 months.
He tried to kick my brother out of the house.
Starts talking shit about me when I’m not even there, repeating the same old stories of how I’m lazy and not amounting to anything other then sleep and eat. I want to explain my “laziness” and that I am actually doing something with my life like work and school (he disregards those) but will only make things worse if I step out there.
Right now it’s calm as he’s blabbering away about stupid shit, still talking about how me and my brother are on his “blacklist” for standing up to him (“disrespecting” him in his mind) and the usual word-vomit.
The two sisters shouldn’t have screamed along with my other sister for petty shit, they shouldn’t even blame my nephew (my brother’s kid) for waking up my niece. That sister is daddy’s favorite, one of our family’s unspoken truths.
I don’t know why I’m venting this here, but I just needed to.
I was supposed to go hang out with some new friends for Xmas, but instead I got left out because of a jealous cunt. This one particular guy, let’s call him Bud, I met him a few months ago and we hit it off over DBZ and talking about cooking (he went to culinary school) and being stoners. After that I started hanging out with him and his friend “Ron”, just smoking and talking about anime, eventually we started meeting up at car shows and bonfires and stuff. Fast forward a couple weeks, he meets this girl a few years younger than us, let’s call her Cat. One afternoon me, Bud, Ron and another guy they knew were hanging out and playing Outlast and she decided to come over and hang too. Nothing fancy, just us at Bud’s place, so she showed up in pajama pants and a t shirt. Cat seems nice, polite. Introduce myself to her, she asks how I know Bud. I say something like “Oh, we’re just a couple of stoner nerds who hang out lol nothing much.” And she gives me this…. cringe look? Not like a side eye exactly. Weird, But whatever, I try to be nice to her bc Bud clearly wants to put his dick in her. But after that she won’t talk to me or look at me, and every time Bud starts talking to me she stares at him like she’s trying to burn holes in his head.
About an hour after she got there it was my turn to play, and the whole time I’m playing she’s trying to show everyone videos of her and her friends being “random” on her phone and talking over me when I try to talk about the game with the guys. Bud politely tells her he’s trying to watch the game, and she gets quiet for a few minutes before getting up and announcing she would be right back. She gets her keys and leaves, and comes back in about 10 minutes later wearing makeup, booty shorts, one of those halter-bras that look like a top, and some black and white striped OTK socks. She walks back in shaking her butt and flops down on the middle of the couch beside me and crosses her arms over her chest. Bud looks at her says “What the fuck?” She ignores him.
After that shit was just awkward. She wouldn’t acknowledge me at all, kept talking over me, and kept being a bitch basically by competing for attention. I ended up leaving not long after and ever since, every time I’ve tried to hang with Bud or Ron again, suddenly shit comes up and they can’t. Then I see Bud’s snapchat and he’s sitting on his couch with her and Ron and some other guys and it’s like… oh, ok. I’ve been replaced, again.
I’m sick of this happening. It’s like, as soon as some jealous girl comes along who is willing to spread her legs for attention, suddenly I don’t exist and they have to focus on her and forget all about me. My dad taught me that a girl who has to use her body to get a man to pay attention to her isn’t the girl that man really wants, but goddamn. Every single guy does this shit. Is it really so hard to get with a girl who trusts you and isn’t an insecure twat?
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i'm supposed to be home atm.
but not. i'm stranded in an airport for two days until i can get a connecting flight to my country. a trip that was supposed to be 12hrs long has become a 3day affair. i've been crying since yesterday. since there was a snow storm last night, the airline cancelled all the flights. thankfully, they gave me vouchers for food and for the hotel, but nobody is going to return me these lost vacation days.
the sadest part is that after not having three weeks of vacation, is returning to a job i hate, and to people i hate.
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How do you reject people who might be mentally unstable?
A few days ago I met someone on my work route and had a chat with him. At first he seemed alright, but he was very obviously romantically interested in me, saying he felt "insanely attracted to me", that talking to me made him very happy, casually mentioned that "he just had to follow me" and then moved to 'when am I going to meet your parents'-territory. I'm not interested in anything romantic anytime soon and am also 95% sure I'm not into men, but since he's heavily christian and I was dead tired I didn't feel like arguing about and defending any of those two things or straight up shooting him down/dealing with the bullshit that normally follows after that. So I ended up showing a neutral reaction but then going full retard and giving him my number. One day later he spammed my phone with messages (and later calls) while I was busy, some of them literally containing "I'm a nice guy, please give me a chance" and begging me to "please respond" and other messages being weirdly needy and emotionally invested in someone he talked to 30 minutes. His speech was also VERY polite, while sounding desperate. I then nicely told him to calm the fuck down and responded to the minimum. Today he started lightly spamming again.
Now, overall he does seem like a considerate and nice but lonely/desperate person, but I've seen the red flags and my gut feeling starts to give a signal.
I don't really feel like possibly getting stalked, skinned, raped or murdered, so how do I tell him in a nice but certain way that I'm in no way interested without hurting his feelings/ego too much?
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block his number. DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM. go completely no contact. someone like that will thrive off attention, even negative attention.
We met on the train I took from work, so he knows the route, at what station I enter and exit and at what time I take it on that day. If he really is the full stalker type, he might get aggresive if I block him and lurk around those places.
Also thanks for doggo, he is saved and protected.
I know you're scared but other anon is right.
Imagine if he somehow magically pressured you enough to force you to play along, you already know you aren't attracted to him or even interested in a relationship with a random guy right now, and his weird ideals aren't yours. He would accuse you of stringing him along (creeper classic), or you spend the rest of eternity with the weirdo just to be polite.
Definitely save your energy by not even wasting any more time on him, you already gave him a polite rejection.
If you're worried about him stalking you in the train station, just remember that stations have cameras and are rarely empty. Practice saying "I don't know you, stop talking to me, you are scaring me" very loudly in your room until you feel you can shout it in public without being embarrassed. It sounds like a childish thing to shout, but it gets people looking (if not involved). He might try to call you crazy, but most guys give up as soon as they are part of a scene.
If he doesn't stop texting, contact the police to file a report, so that if he did get worse or continue then there's a record of it starting.
because men are stupid as fuck, at least in this age bracket.
sorry to piggyback off your post but I'm legit sick of dating a guy who assures me I'm attractive and shit then practically breaks his neck to look at other girls in public if they're wearing a tank top or something that shows a lot of skin, his eyes are drawn like a magnet. and then everyone tells me it's normal, but like, do me the courtesy of at least pretending your dick doesn't rule you.and though I know it's normal to find people outside of your relationship attractive, I can't relate because when I'm dating someone I am 100% committed, I honestly can't and don't think of anyone else in any kind of sexual or romantic way. I wish I did, maybe it would relieve the sting.
the only times I've not had this issue was dating a 30 year old and an asexual guy. but unfortunately I like sex so the latter didn't work out, but it was nice to not have my self-worth destroyed every time I went out in public.
we've argued about it so many times and I just feel like the crazy jealous gf at this point so I don't bring it up anymore but it's eating me inside out.
>>218873> do me the courtesy of at least pretending your dick doesn't rule you.
Men aren’t taught to ever do this. They’re taught that they can have anything they want, including women. It’s not about being ruled by their dick/hormones/urge to reproduce, it’s about wanting something and then getting
it. It’s all about the high from the “win”.
Not saying this applies to your BF, just society in general.
tbh I've tried this, but as soon as I do I feel guilty as hell like I'm betraying him, even though he does it to me without a care. hes always like "but don't you get aroused when you see somthing sexual?" like no, I dont, because I'm a 27 year old woman and not a pubescent teenager, and my cunt doesn't start slobbering when I see fit shirtless men walking around.>>218883
I disagree partially, while I think what you're saying is true, I also think in many cases it just boils down to "oops that made my dick hard so now I gotta get it wet."
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I love moomoo’s threads so much
But ever since that fucking nickname Mar Mar showed up I can’t read them anymore because there are anons that refer her as that and it makes me feel like I’m that cow.
I’m quite surprised that there are anons (or this one anon) that’s continuously rejecting the nickname as well.
If anything, I had one thing that I was so proud of and that was my name
But now the ugly cow has just ruined it-
Gdi I sound like some brat now and it’s making me even more angry, over a dumb name.
I’m so bitter because I’ve finally started liking my name ( since it means snake in another language ) and it bothered me for so long, then I started accepting it
And then it ends up getting ruined by Moomoo.
I applaud to any anon who has the same name as a cow on this site but still move on with their lives and are so ridiculously bitter.
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>work in a travel agency
>jokingly say that Indians and pakistanis are so hard to understand (not a native English speaker)
>Some guy at the discord server I'm in blows up trying to get me banned for being "racist"
Even as a native English speaker, middle east and indian accents are the fucking worst. And since I work in the travel industry too I deal with them a lot. Sometimes I hear a hint of annoyance in the customer's or agent's voice if I ask them to repeat or spell a name phonetically. Doesn't help when they're mumblers.
It's not racist, it's just not what we're used to hearing.
I have an update to this, lol.
Bud stared messaging me on snapchat about Xmas and seemed kinda pissed, so I asked him what was up and he spilled. He said Cat has been pissing him off lately by trying to make him jealous, like letting other guys lick her face while she sits in their laps and the sending him the video on snapchat. Apparently he was looking for something casual/FWB, she said that’s what she wanted too but she thinks she can have him all to herself while she’s free to flirt. I told him to smoke a blunt and leave that bitch alone, and he said he already told her to hit the road with her petty shit.
The he tried to imply he was looking for a new FWB, he kept saying stuff like “I just want someone cool I can chil with and fuck without having to hate them or marry them”. Then he told me to start coming over to game again and I said I might, I got a PS4 so I might stay home for a while, let him find somebody to bone and then see if he still wants to hang out with me. Still glad Cat is gone tho, she was a rude bitch.
Don't worry, it's just the same anon trying to make Mar Mar happen when it won't. Just like that other anon in Kota's thread who tried to push "Kooter fuzz" as a new nickname but other farmers were having none of that bs lol.
They will stop soon
Getting sexually or emotionally involved with someone “for fun” almost never works tbh. Usually the only people who can’t get into/stay in relationships only go after what’s easy or have problems of their own nobody wants to put up with for long.
Maybe talk to him and your friends about how you feel? They might ghost you but eh, if they do they’re not real friends.
no one likes being attacked because the person they are with has insecurities. its a game. he could be chattin up other women through sites or addicted to porn but its a game. you know, real time cheating.
i hated when i got together with my partner years ago that he considered hatsune miku his waifu but turns out he puts up with me playing terrible games like hunie pop and otome.
>the fuck am i staying with him
well if youre that unhappy and cant get over a dumb steam game, stop looking for excuses and validation. break it off. dont drag him along just because you can make your mind up.
i get it. i hate that i cant stay a nice trim size 0 and look like a japanese waifu but i dont want to work out every day and stick with a boring diet. sorry you cant get a boob job, but dont make people suffer your misery
A game is a fantasy or just something to do for funsies. He would not be with you for 4 years if he did not love you and find you and your chest size attractive.
At this point, I think you're projecting your insecurities on to your boyfriend and creating unnecessary problems in your relationships. I think you need to pause and try to objectively evaluate your relationship. Your boyfriend does not deserve that type of resentment because it is not fair to him. It also cannot make you feel good.
One of the hardest things I had to learn was to not get offended over past and present boyfriend(s) watching porn. It doesn't mean they find me unattractive or don't love me. It just means they like to wank it to something then immediately turn it off before go washing their hands.
And download Mystic Messenger or Dream Daddy. I freakin' love Otome games, but I'm not going to dump my boyfriend because he isn't like an animu. Your boyfriend also isn't going to leave you or love you any less because you are not an animu waifu. You being resentful over a game and fictional characters, however…
Seriously. Find some otome game or something you may like and play it. Mystic Messenger is the shiz.
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Just finished watching Blade Runner 2049 and I loved it. I can finally go look it up on the net without the fear of spoilers.
I saw the anons responding to you and was ready to take your side, but…>hunie pop
Anon pls. I played that game amd insisted my bf played with me too. It's fun and has some cute waifus, the "porn" scenes are part of the game and you need to pay attention to keep playing, it's not like you can wank while you're doing it.
However. I disagree with the other anons about letting it go if your bf goes the actual eroge or porn way. There's actual research that shows that watching porn raises dissatisfaction with one's partner and makes people more tolerant towards infidelity and other such harmful effects. Manchildren obsessed with anime girls with impossible standards are a real thing too and I don't think you should put up and stay with such a guy, because even if he does stay with you he'll still lust after other girls that fit his standards. I know the type, and they're the kind of guys who'll shower azn waifus and girls like anzu with compliments like blind idiots.
I don't think paying in the same coin and becoming obsessed with unrealistic shit yourself and developing impossible standards is a healthy thing to do. Repressing your own justified discomfort regarding porn isn't good either. I imagine he already knew you were insecure before you got too serious so, by the same argument other anons are making, if that bothered him he should have left long ago.
But. Don't freak out because of something like hunie pop. That's just silly.
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Bit of too much information sorry-
But no it’s Mar
Mar mar is what close friends call me>>218964
Anon, do we know each other irl
How do you know me so well
Except I’m way beyond a middle schooler >>218965
I hope and despite having that assurance, I still can’t help but still be annoyed >>218977
Well I could be wrong but there was an art fag whose art was being sold as Moomoo’s merchandise so perhaps other art fags want recognition or have the same exposure..?
As for the nickname, it’s new so it will linger for a bit and hopefully it will die out soon. I pray.>>218990
Anon, don’t let it get to you. Heck, we all want cute animu waifus like Nat, wherever we find them. Just because your bf has started playing the game, doesn’t mean he’s trying to make you very insecure. If however he begins to focus more on the game than you or constantly compare your chest to others and compare them to the characters in the game and he just all in all seems like he has lost interest in you, then yeah you can worry about your relationship and him. Other than that, if he’s been with you for 4 years, I’m pretty sure your chest size isn’t something that he focuses much on and just loves you the way you are
Honestly I don’t even know what Hunie pop is but judging from other anons, it seems like an otome game but it’s for guys and has similar concepts(?) and as someone who finds every character attractive in otome games and plays a bunch of them, my boyfriend is still my thick gentle king whom I love very much, a game isn’t going to change my feelings for him. I’m killing time with amazingly drawn characters and cheesy predictable story lines. So don’t jeopardize your relationship because of it, if you’re really unsure, it’s okay to talk about it with him, anon.
Also sorry for the samefagging>>219080
It won’t hurt to try it out and see if you can handle things and if not, that’s okay. You are your first priority, so don’t push yourself to do so many things all at once. However if you truly wish to volunteer because being around birds makes you happy, I highly encourage you to try it out and test it out with your schedule. I feel that when you do something you enjoy, your mind is able to work better and you can work out a better schedule that won’t overwhelm you. >>219082
I’m sure that even if you struggle with getting out of bed, there are some simple exercises that you can do in bed that can help get the ball rolling for you. I also highly encourage you to eat much more fruit when you feel hungry
Such as a crisp apple, frozen berries, maybe even ask your boyfriend to send you little messages of different things that he loves about you every day, twice a day or soemthing like that and perhaps you can also do that same and maybe that can help improve your mindset a bit.
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Recently had to dump my entire friend group after I started making better decisions with my life.
But now I realize as a person in my 20s don't have the female companionship I feel like I really need in my life. I grew up an only child and although I had friends growing up I feel it is difficult for me to relate to others especially other girls.
I don't get it why especially around females I get more socially anxious and feel much more pressure to put on a front. I want female friends but I always keep people at an arms distance. How can i get closer to people?
Christmas passed this year and bit made me realize how lonely I am start to become. I'm afraid I might sink into a depression while I am out of school and won't be back on campus for 2 months
How can I relate and get close to people more? Is anyone else going through this?
So friggen lonely
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I fucking hate Paypal so much. I don't understand how they still are in business.
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YEE HAW WE FEELIN EXTRA SUICIDAL TONIGHT BOYS
already sliced the shit out of my thighs tonight but couldn't find the razor after, hope my bf does the find it or I'm pretty sure he'll dump me. holy shiiiIIT why am I so worthless lmao
ignore this I just wanted to vent anons
One of my friends calls me Mar Mar sometimes and it's funny and cute.
So, anon wants to use the nickname to… take it back? That's dumber than Mariah being all "idgaf about my haters, call me moo moo I'm a sexy cow slut!!!1"
why do people do this? anon, if it's not too triggering
for you, can you explain why do you cut
like i am suicidal as heck too but if I go, I go painlessly, like Amitriptyline cocktail. Why cut? I just don't get it.
Not that anon but I can offer some insight. I used to cut as a teenager but got it under control. To be honest it's extremely hard to explain why you do it. I guess it's a primal instinct as other animals are prone to self-injury under stress as well (birds pick their feathers, some animals gnaw their skin, dolphins hit themselves against rocks etc). Some theory I heard was that physical pain is easier to understand than mental distress you can't cope with, so you need to cause an injury to yourself to help get your thoughts straight. For me I guess it was similar to that, I needed to distract myself and ended up slashing myself pretty hard. That's why anti-self harm strategies are based on distraction. But some people cut in a fit of aggression and they just want to punish themselves.
I'm still struggling with depression (nearing my 30's, been depressed since 12) and during my lowest points I still want to cut. It's a very comforting thought when you're feeling suicidal and physically sick from the stress. But like I said I got it under control years ago and distracting myself worked really well.
will someone for the love of god eli5 this Mar Mar shit. How is it an insult? What does it mean? "Sea Sea" (is what it means in spanish thats why i dont get what the fuck is going on. its not an english word either so what the fuck is going on)? why would they start calling her that if it means nothing in particular? urbandictionary just says MarMar is someone with a bad tan so wtf.
My nickname is Mar but i don't get triggered
about Mar Mar idgi idgi idgi what is going on please some1 help this dumb MarMar
That would be awesome anon, thank you.
I lurk more than i post so let me know how I can contact you. :)
thanks for the insight, >other animals are prone to self-injury under stress as well
as a pet owner of course I knew about this, but somehow didn't link it to humans. Now when you said that, I do understand it a bit better, thanks. I guess it's just some people are more prone to this, some less, even under a much stress/depressed.
t-t-thats it? that's why anon is so triggered
? its not even a bad name? How anticlimactic
thank you though, it was bugging me so much!
Anon I really feel for you. It's true, mental illnesses are being glamorized and it sucks ass. It's quirky and cute, until you're actually ill, then people classify you as a crazy person and they run away because they're scared. I understand how you feel.
Honestly if your friends don't respect your feelings, the best thing to do is to drop them. Make sure to talk to your family about it, see a doctor/therapist if you're not already. It's so important to know everything you go through is valid and important. Please don't feel bad because of 'friends' that don't respect/acknowledge your conditions. I really hope things will get better for you.
gdi. I forgot that trigger
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Weird about socializing anon that you responded to, I wanted to thank you for your advice! I’m going to take it to heart and try my best to apply it once I’m off break. I really appreciate the sincerity—it makes me feel less hopeless about my situation
They can freeze and close your account whenever the fuck they want without disclosing a reason and if you've got money on it then there's no chance you'll see it sooner than after 180 days, if at all. There are several stories about how this ruined little businesses big time.
If a buyer decides they need some extra money, they can claim the item you sent them was broken/didn't arrive and they don't have to prove shit.
Someone gives you a refund? Paypal holds it for two weeks because fuck you.
You made a new account, sold some stuff and received money on it? They hold the first 10 transfers for 21 Days or you have to wait 60 days after the first transaction until you don't have to wait for your own fucking money anymore. Meanwhile you have to pay all the shipping costs without actually receiving the intended money for it.
You've got badly scammed, your account hacked or you can't login anymore and need to contact the support as soon as possible? Prepare to wait 30 minutes on hold, until an overworked employee with a way too thick accent tries to tell you barely related steps that don't help at all. You try to contact them via email? Don't expect a reply, not even after the third email. You contact their facebook? "You should try to call the support anon, I hope your issue gets solved, good luck lol." A few days or weeks later, your account is closed.
You try to send money, accidently type something wrong twice and try to send it for the third time? Oops, your account is now restricted, you can't send money, receive money, withdraw money, deposit money, remove your bank account information or close your account anymore. Please give is your credit card information to make sure you're not a scammer. What, you don't have a credit card or don't want to add one? Well, too bad.
my throwaway is firstname.lastname@example.org, then we can find a better place to chat from there
do you play any vidya? steam could be nice if you do :)
Wew, I had no idea it was this bad. I heard/read similar experiences over the net. However, since I've been using it only to transfer funds from freelancing sites to my bank account, I haven't incountered any issues so far. Not saying they don't exist.
What do you think of Gumroad? Lots of artists use it for selling digital products?>>219443> I highly recommend Transferwise
This is fantastic, thanks anon!
There are thousands of WM/BF rapes every year, they just don’t get reported, or when they do their rape kits get put on a shelf in a warehouse and the case gets buried by the white man’s public defender/attorney. Rape statistics are wildly inaccurate because women who try to report a rape are treated like shit unless they’re from the perfect set of circumstances and have a mountain of damnig evidence, which a majority of rape victims don’t have.
Any man who says he raped a woman because she was too beautiful or too sexy or showing too much skin is just displacing blame for doing something they knew was wrong because they don’t want to get into trouble. The idea that men who can’t control their sexual urges because their penis overrides their brain is fucking vulgar and absolute bullshit.
If that’s actually scientifically true then men need to be placed on hormone blockers starting at puberty until a solution can be reached were they have control over their bodies so that women don’t have to walk around thinking they need to look or not look a certain way to avoid being raped. There is never any situation where a rapist “couldn’t help” raping someone because they were too attracted to them. That’s a cop out excuse for a lack of self control and accountability.
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>join FetLife>join CNC group>make a post about what you want done to you >???>profit
Alternately, you could see a therapist instead. Probably a better option, but not as cheap.
I just have to say all this. First off, this is petty as shit but I hate how people (especially like, ~21 year old girls) now say "v pretty" for "very pretty" or like "p funny" or whatever. Is this a millennial thing or just an instathot thing? And I hate all the "YASS QUEEN SLAY!" from all these dumb bitches with the dog Snapchat filter on. We can still tell your nose is huge. I might just be a grumpy late 20s bitch but idk, if that's the case then so be it and get off my lawn. Scrolling through any social media comments is soo depressing, every youngish girl looks exactly the same. I can't wait until this stupid instagram makeup trend passes. It's just sad to see so little individual style and it honestly kinda pisses me off that this psuedo goth shit is in, like pastel goth whatnot, because ten years ago I got absolutely ripped apart for wearing black all the time. Now that's all these bitches wear. You see them walking around with their hair done up in those 2 stupid tight ass braids they all do waltzing around in high waisted shorts, black everything, boots, and huge Juvederm lips with black/white/silver/"cotton candy" hair and huge perfect eyebrows. But oh don't get me started on the silver hair trend… I mean if you wanna dye your hair grey 20 years prematurely go for it. And if I see someone else with fake freckles I might punch them. Vapid and soulless dumb hoes. I never thought I'd say this but I almost preferred the "preppy" tan cheerleader basic type Hollister/Abercrombie and Fitch trend that was before this. At least anytime someone didnt fit the mold it was obvious right away and it was like, "oh my people!". The guys are gross now too, I hate the almost Macklemore style hair that's still in for whatever fucking reason. And gauges. Wearing their best v neck and and covered in traditional tattoos off the flash from a shitty tattoo place (I'm sorry but I really hate that style of tattoo). Okay I think I'm done. I didn't know where to vent this that people might understand.
Sorry, I'm PMSing and bracing myself for having to walk around LA later. I know this was excessive as fuck haha.
my friend and i have a tradition of hanging out every new years- this year she canceled on me so she could spend it with her new GF that she met two weeks ago.. except she didn't tell me, i just slowly figured it out.>>219851
how about veneers?
>was supposed to hang with bf tonight
>boyfriend takes hours to text, he usually does this but I'm pretty understanding if he's busy and whatnot, I don't really expect instant replies
>"maybe he's busy with something, I can wait"
>send a message like "hey anon" every hour or two just in case he forgot because he does that sometimes
>look last few messages I've sent to him he didn't respond to
>oldest one if delivered, second oldest one is read, last few are delivered
>in order for the message app to do that, unless it was fucking up, he had to delete the conversation for it to be "delivered" then the next one is read and he didn't reply?
>we were supposed to hang out yesterday too but he fell asleep
I don't understand what's going on anons, should I be freaking out or is it just a glitch or did something happen to him? I have a weird sense of worriedness everytime I get left on read, I was really looking forward to seeing him tonight and I know my dumbass won't sleep until he texts back whats wrong with me, am I being crazy anons
i don't really know what to do.
A guy I've lost contact with years ago (we went on a one date) is kind of cornering me now. Suddenly he started to email me, I realized after few weeks because I receive a lot of stuff from bots with similar handles. Those emails… he explained a lot, talked about his problems. Though I had an unpleasant feeling he thinks of me as of some manic pixie dream girl who's there to rescue him; definitely idealizes me much. I hate when people do that, it's dehumanizing.
I didn't really know how to deal with him, it was Christmas, I came to the conclusion I don't have time for this bullshit. But despite saying "you don't have to answer me, I don't expect you to do so" he started to hit me up on every social media he has of mine, became active (like posting stories on insta, snap, messenger) even though he has basically been MIA all this time. I can't help but feel it's directed at me.
I gotta add, some stuff from the emails he sends me definitely count as oversharing. Like, you read this and feel uh I didn't want to know this, why???
I started to feel uneasy.
I planned to reply at first (though with hope that he gets a hint and gives up before I decide what to answer) but now I don't know. I'm really close to just blocking him on every platform, without ever reaching out. On the other hand I don't feel threatened, just uncomfortable. And we share a lot of similarities, interests… maybe he's just desperate and in a bad place…? BUT still, I'm getting the creeps. My friend joked that the next step is him throwing stones at my window, ha-ha bitch, why do I feel like this may happen? I really don't know if I'm paranoid and should be more understanding or he's going too far.
sorry for the possible grammar mistakes and stuff, I'm a bit drunk. Happy New Year btw.
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This. Literally fucking this. I regret signing up for Paypal because I am terrified that they will limit my account if I start selling my useless junk on Ebay. I guess that I just have take that chance.
This is a bit old, but I had many friendships like this. All of my "best friends" had this dynamic with me.
Funnily enough, I was in fact going through much worse shit than they were, but eventually I realized being their support was a form of escapism for me, to avoid addressing my own problems. Not sure if that is the same case for you, but thought I might mention it.
They would never ask how I was and if I ever tried to talk about what I was going through, they would just say "Sowwy :(" or belittle my issues, which I now (nearly 5 years later) realize where HUGE problems and I could have really used some perspective.
Long story short, once you stop, they will move on to someone else they can suck that kind of attention from. These are not mutual friendships, and you basically set that boundary early on so it's hard to change. If they actually cared, they would show that to you in some way.
I eventually stopped giving them that kind of support, and was more realistic about being supportive (empathize like an adult instead of trying to listen to all their feelings or try to fix) and they all stopped talking to me pretty quickly. Sucks, but I am so much happier not getting calls about some petty thing that made them upset on the daily anymore. Now I have friends who I can purely enjoy our time together with having fun, no emotional support needed unless it's like, actually serious.
I know it’s been almos a week since
Christmas, but I’m still super salty about this so I’m gonna post anyway.
2016/2017 fucking sucked for me, I lost my job and my bills piled up and my credit cards got maxed out, and I had to move in with my mother. Also, the guy I was seeing dumped me for a younger chubby girl he met online and they got married ~1 month after moving in together. Long story short, haven’t been in the best place lately, emotionally or financially.
So my birthday is also in December, and my mom kept asking me what I wanted. I said the only thing I needed right now was money tbh so I could chip away at my debt. She said no no, I want to get you something you want for your birthday/Christmas. I tried to tell her even a little cash was more helpful than anything I wanted, but she kept asking and she knows how sad I’ve been this last year, so I caved and told her I wanted a PS4. She told me, okay, I’ll get it for you.
Well, FF to Christmas and she hands me a card with $250 in it. Says she saw online that it was $249.99 at Best Buy on sale. I asked her why she didn’t go get it and wrap it? She says, “I wasn’t sure which one you wanted.” Apparently the words “PlayStation 4, standard, 1 terabyte” send to her via text message wasn’t specific enough.
Problem is, this is 4pm on Christmas Day and they’re closed. The next day I have off is the following Sunday, and by the time I get to Best Buy the price has gone back up to $299.99. So I leave, go to the bank, and deposit the money to put on my credit cards, because I’m too broke to hold onto $250 for another week until I get paid, to throw another $100 towards a PS4 and a game for it. Originally, all I was supposed to do was buy it and pay for my first game myself, then save up for more. But instead I have to be a responsible adult because my credit cards are about to go to collections and my credit is shit, I just turned 25 and if I blow free money on frivolous bullshit like a game console I’ll be living here forever. Im just so pissed off at myself for getting my hopes up, she does this shit every time I’m stupid enough to ask her for anything.
I doubt she’s using drugs recreationally
I think it’s honestly just because i called her out for acting unreasonable
In 2016, I was busting my ass working full-time while in graduate school full-time and I found out I was getting laid off in the beginning of November. My dad (we were estranged) was found dead a week before Thanksgiving. My best friend was pissy that I was not able to attend her 30th birthday party at the end of November. I woooonder why…Not like I found out I was getting laid off and my other parent (albeit estranged) died. My mom died April 2015. I was so burnt out by NYE 2016.
Cue to this year, I am able to support myself with some money left over working ~30 hours a week.
I got called into my boss' office. I have not been late in over a month. I work at a hospital and am dressed so conservatively, I would fit in at a Republican convention.
Currently, I work with victims of sexual assault and we're funded via VOCA and a few other grants. Turns out, we did not get all the grant funding and I am getting laid off along with a couple of other people whose jobs were covered by the aforementioned grant funding they did not receive.
This is my second job in a little over a year I got laid off from. One, I know it is not my fault since I live in the state where the governor may be named Scott Walker and all sorts of funding is getting cut.
On the other hand, I am 28 years old. I feel so humiliated admitting that I lost another job and have to go searching for jobs again. One, that looks like shit on my resume since before I took the first job that lost funding, I was at my previous job for ~3 years.
I just feel like such a loser with not being able to keep a job. I was just catching up on bills, so I am sick of being constantly broke and not able to do the shit my peers are. I also hate how irresponsible I look: I started dating my boyfriend right before I landed this job and I think that I look so unreliable.
I am the anon from >>220304
who can't keep a job. I kinda decided to say "Fuck it" and installed Luxy and Tinder for free dinner since I have no shame. I ended up meeting my boyfriend that way.
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>have a fat friend with bpd who believes she's my best friend
>she was my best friend, but I've grown to resent her because she steals my shit, lies to me and belittles me
>we're still friends because I pity her and sometimes she's fun
>she had an accident in april
>confined to wheelchair because she's too lazy to walk
>she's moving from her mom's house to a wheelchairfriendly little shithole
>asked me to help her move and paint shit in one day because i'm busy all the time
>said yes because she would pay me
>didn't say when i would help her
>today she got angry because i told her i was available tomorrow
>'you can't help me in just one day'
>tell her i'm close to a burnout because of stress and depression and need rest
>also going to parents' house later this week to wish them happy new year
>she completely flips on me
>'you broke your fucking promise'
>'no one can and will help me'
>'why does everyone hate me'
>'then fuck you too, i don't need anyone'
>tell her she shouldn't be un-fucking-grateful because i've always been there for her
>been there since the accident, every little thing that happened, i witnessed or helped
>been there more than her own sister
>then this bitch accuses me of not giving a shit about helping her
I sincerely just want to tell her to fuck off, but I don't know why I can't do it.
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I feel so stupid all the time. I graduated high school over a year ago and failed out of college and I just feel stupid. I feel stupid because I want to be a singer/songwriter. I want to be cute and famous. I still want to go to college because I don’t want to be a stupid celebrity and I need to have something to fall back on. I’ll probably change my major to political science and if I can’t be a singer-songwriter I can just be a lawyer or a politician or w/e, and I can be famous that way.
I used to push myself so hard in high school, I started taking college classes when I was 16. I went into my first year of college as an academic sophomore. I had to move back home after I failed both semesters my first year. I was able to get all my classes turned to W’s (withdrawals) because I pretty much had a nervous breakdown.
I’ve been so depressed and anxious the past year and singing is the only thing that brings me the tiniest bit of happiness. I like singing and I think I’m actually good at it. I’m also good at writing but not necessarily poetry, but with practice I think I could write songs.
I'm sorry you feel that way, anon. But do you think you'll be happy once you're famous? To pursue a career in music, you'll have to give absolutely one hundred percent and more. Everything that must be on your mind is music. All of your money will go towards music and you won't see a penny of it for a long time. Fame will fuck you up. Fame will cause more anxiety.
I'm not telling you to not pursue your dreams, I'm just warning you. (I'm a sound engineer in a studio)
Good luck with everything, anon!
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>Woke up at 6am feeling ill
>Go for a 2hr nap at 2pm
>Bf calls and texts three times from 2:30-2:50pm
>Text back at 4pm when wake up, explaining the nap
>Bf calls back at 7:30 FREAKING out and demands that I keep my phone on 9000000 volume from now on
>Bf is beyond pissed
>Bf doesn't want to talk
>He blames his terrible day on me even tho I didn't do anything or go anywhere
>Take 46% alcohol rum shots and chase it with coca-cola
>Suddenly life doesn't suck anymore
>Maybe my alcoholic sister was right all along
lol it's my day off today and I stayed home all day and I'm still the bad guy.
Whatever. I have Sailor Jerry to keep me company.
Sailor Jerry can be my bf.
I'm tipsy sorry.
I think I’d be happy because I’d be doing something I love. Thanks for the input, it’s good to know what I need to expect and how demanding of a career it is, especially in the beginning. Also, being a sound engineer sounds pretty cool.
I’ve been thinking about this for the past month and I kind of have a plan, it’s just the whole thought of going from majoring in microbiology to being a singer just sounds silly. But even if I wasn’t thinking about pursuing a career in singing, I don’t think I could go back to a STEM field. I don’t fit in with those types of people.
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I'm in a staggeringly similar situation right now lol.
We should do a 'learn pact' or something, and in case we both fail our exams just turn it into a suicide pact. Let's agree to take a break for today and continue tomorrow. I think I'm gonna take a bath to calm down a little. Good Luck!
I'm very frustrated with myself at the moment.
I used to have an ED, I've recovered from it.
Even before I realised I had an ED, I've had trouble talking about food in public. I've always felt shame about talking about it.
After recovery (around 10 months ago), I haven't had a lot of trouble talking about food with strangers, classmates, friends, etc. That has been a breeze.
But: I've started hanging out with a guy, we have a lot of feelings for one another. This is a situation on his own. We want to take it slow, let's put it at that. When I'm hanging out with him, I can't ask him if he has any food for me, etc. I feel like an idiot. I know eating is a necessity, but damn. I'm really not sure why I'm still having trouble with this. I just want myself to grow up by now. (we have talked about my ED a few weeks ago, but since he wants to take it slow, I don't want to feel like a burden or anything. Maybe I should talk about this with him.)
>>220558>It's messing with my head
"It's" not messing with anything. HE is messing with YOU because he's a manipulative, emotionally abusive, controlling fuck.
Do you know what happens, statistically, to people who go back to their abusive partners? The abuse escalates. The abuse escalates because this serves validate the abuser's belief that they own you and can do anything to you, and that you'll STILL come back to them, despite this.
>I'm an introvert so I was happy to have one person who understood me and seemed to care only about me, we shared so many interests and did everything together
He has, and will continue to use this against you so that he can further isolate you from any potentially uplifting, healthy relationships with other people. He wants you to be dependent on him and him alone. It's not because he cares about you. It's because he views you as a literal extension of himself. You are not an individual with a separate mind, agenda and needs to him. You are his property. The only reason he's acting hurt and claiming to change is because you've left him, and he can't stand that.
Please, anon. Do not even CONSIDER taking him back. Everything you've described in your post is TEXTBOOK ABUSE. It does not get better, but YOU can do better by refusing to let the cycle continue and cutting all contact with him.
I agree with the anon above me, he reminds me soooo much of my ex bf it’s painful to read.
Please, do not go back to him. He is not the only one who understand you, he just makes you feel that way because he disapproved of every friend you ever tried to make and had…
let yourself relearn who you are without him. Be strong anon, do not let him mess with you.
Guys like that love to tease responses out of women because they want to feel desired and given attention. They're proper narcissists.
I have an ex like this anon. Literally, I dated him back in 2010 and to this day he still will message me out of the blue with "miss yous," and shit like that. If I make the mistake of replying and being friendly, you know just catching up, he'll drop me within a week when he's found his next narc supply from a different woman. Won't text me after that unless he needs me for something. The last time was the last straw and I am not responding.
He is what he is. Don't hurt yourself over people who don't give a fuck about you.
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>tfw you find yourself a handsome, well adjusted Finnish guy that laughs at incels with you
Who am I fucking kidding trying to give you advice I have an obsessive hobby and I want to kill myself the instant I hit a speed bump over the the smallest stuff.
It never gets better, sorry.
No :'( I'm not interested in anything. I think it's caused by depression.>>220594
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Total lunatic here with some sort of specific help but also general info/personal stuff???
I genuinely think that everyone has value, I think that it's up to you to decide for yourself what that is though (The hard part.) Whatever the fuck lights your fire when nothing else does do that until you find the next thing imo. If there is anything you've been waiting for in your life start planning it now. Even if you don't have the pieces together yet. Write it down or make it real however works best for you.
Some ways that help me combat suicidal ideation or any intrusive thoughts are to: Identify the negative thoughts for what they actually are, re-frame them neutrally/positively, and set some goals. Those goals can be as long term as move to a different country or as short term as eat a snack and go to sleep.
Honestly this shit is still hard for me to remember when I'm really depressed/manic and do but when I do it I feel way less awful.
Crisis lines are a good option if you need someone to talk to. Really helped me when I was too wacked to do that by myself. The one local to me is also blunt as hell as I appreciate but from what I can tell most won't shy away from having an open non-judgmental dialog about suicide unless they have An Agenda.
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>calls are already queued up at my job hitting 1000 and we've hit a second level overtime alert for the third day in a row
>never know if they will issue mandatory overtime so if I do muster the balls to go in I will be 'rewarded' by being forced to work four hours past my shift end time
>worse still, they could issue 'future mandatory overtime' while I'm at work and force me to come in on my day off tomorrow and saturday
All of this goes away if I pay someone to pick up my whole shift, however. I fucking hate this job. Fuck bad weather. Fuck hysterical people. Fuck my weak will.
>week or two of extreme depression, 0 energy, strong desire to give up on everything, can’t talk to friends becuse it’s overwhelming, stays in bed crying, constant worrying over relationship, future, money etc etc
>be happy for a week or two, motivated to do better, less worries/anxiety, confident things will work out, a million projects I want to start on and do, desire to get what I want and not let people walk all over me, less bothered by little things
Is this just my fucking hormones or pms? The past few weeks I’ve noticed my depression cycles about a week or two before my period. If this is caused by PMS how the fuck do I change if? Birth control fucked with my hormones and my period was fucked so I don’t take it anymore… should I go back on if it will help control these dramatic ass mood swings???
I’m sure he would
be quite the perfect man…. if he didn’t possess all of those extremely terrible qualities you listed in your first post. Reality is anon, a lot of manipulators and abuses have woooonndderful, charming, enchanting personalities and traits - that’s how they get their victims to stay. If they were all bad no one would put up with it or think “it’s worth the hurt” to stay with them etc. He will never change, he will always have these terrible traits. Take off your rose coloured glasses, you’re lonely, you’re sad, you’re missing him… but see the reality of the situation. Take it from me and the other anons who’ve been in those previous situations, someone better will come along, your ex is trash.
Feeling this post.
I can't find my original post but it turns out this guy I liked blocked me. Which ~triggered
~ me cause beforehand he was hitting all my insecurities from the last guy I dealt with and this last guy had threatened to block me multiple times while I was going through very severe depression and at the time I felt like I had nobody else. I'm moved away from the original guy now, but this guy that blocked me lives with two of my closest friends and now I have so much anxiety that I don't want to go over there but at the same time my depression is so bad that I really need someone to hang out with and it used to help me to go over there and hang out until 3 or 4am with someone. Today was extremely hard and I just stayed home feeling so tired all day and cried and did self harm a little. I feel like I'm trapped and I can't do anything about the situation with him because I'm blocked. I just want things back to normal, no matter if I'm friends with him or not. I'm just a mess. I want to go over there without caring but I start panicking at even the thought about it. Just knowing he probably hates me.
Socal where u at girl?>>220757
I mean I'm not against that either
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>Date guy for 4 years and best friend knows how much of a cunt he can be.
>Boyfriend and I break up
>We continue fucking for over a year because I like to fuck my pain away
>I end up fostering his cat for over a year. It was kewl.
>He moves 2 hours away to Chicago
>We still fucked on occasion
>Dad dies and I just go into deep depression because both parents died within 1.5 years of each other.
>I get laid off from work
>At-time boyfriend (Bf#2) verbally abusive fuckwit that made me feel like I was less than nothing.
>But he made $400k a year and lived near Millennium Park in Chicago.
>He liked to steal my Adderall.
>This leads into us both doing cocaine. I mainly do it because he insists I need to lose weight with a BMI of 21.
>Finally find self-esteem and breakup with BF#2
>Reconnect with friend and she is bitchy over me not wanting to hear about her trip to NYC and see boring ass photos because I WAS KIND OF MOURNING MY DAD AND FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL BELIEF
>I listen to her story about NYC and ooh and ahh over pictures for ~2 hours since I know it will make her happy.
>Things are fine
>I get sober and get my act together, working a nice job where I am making really good money. I then meet and date #3.
>Still friends with first boyfriend and everything is fine.
>Suddenly friend is bringing up old shit and misquoting what I supposedly said. (spoiler: I never said what she claims I said)
>I am confused.
>Boyfriend #3 and I take a trip to Las Vegas.
>Shooting shit with Boyfriend #1. #3 is friends with his exes, so we're cool with us being friends with exes.
>I get back and see my friend unfriended me on Facebook.
>I ask if she wants to talk and what is up.
>Boyfriend #1 is being distant and I just shrug it off. We usually talked about cats and the cat I fostered for a year as well as my own cat.
>I see she is now dating boyfriend #1.
>She is 31 years old and a virgin. She knows how often #1 and I fucked and how much we continued fucking on the side.
I am so pissed. She made up some excuse to not be my friend so she can date my ex without feeling guilty.
It's petty af, but I know that I am good in bed. I hope this friend is so shitty in bed. Also, shame on him for dating my friend. But it is more offensive because he and I have still been cool while this friend dumped me to date an ex.
hey anon, i know this post is old but if you happen to come across it please don't think this way ! i'd consider myself mostly recovered but i still remember feeling the exact same way. don't feel guilty about typing out your frustrations, especially in a vent thread made for this.
I know it makes you feel like shit to "whine" about stuff that's "not that bad" or that you have food and a house so you don't have the right to feel like shit but, well.. you do. and you just have to deal with it but i hope youve had some nicer days since this post, and i highly encourage to get help or form a support system. even 1 person helped me a lot. it took 1-2 years to get back to living a 'normal' life but it's just so much better to have 1 or 2 shit days instead of 1 or 2 happy days every so often.
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crystal.cafe is being raided and mods are currently not online so robots are being their usual robot self, nothing new, but some sick bastard posted screencaps of a kitten being burned alive and I feel so sick. Those failed abortions should die gagging on their own smegma.
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Yeah they've been posting caps of cats getting killed for hours now (and also of human abortions). Thought it would have stopped by now, but nope, hopefully some mod comes online because this shit is killing CC for me, i don't want to see murdered animals because of retarded men getting their jollies off going on a women board when they didn't get their fucking tendies.
Fucking pieces of shit robots, they are a waste of air, they should all just get euthanized tbh.
Not gunna deny it. I sucked.
I was in a major bad place not even a year ago. I was really close to my mom and her sudden death from type 1 diabetes just fucked me up–especially since I am a type 1 diabetic. I made some poor decisions by fucking an ex-boyfriend.
When I met the second boyfriend in the story, things were fine at first and everyone was happy. He was older and my estranged father died suddenly from a heart attack. He was dead for about a month before anyone found him. Since my brother is in another state and no one else in the family wanted to do it, I went and identified his body. The Medical Examiner showed me a black and white photo of his face and even then, it haunted me for a long time. He had no life insurance and everything was dropped on my lap not even a week after finding out I was going to lose my job. I fell into a depression and it was a downward spiral from there.
I was not a good friend during that time and my post was petty as hell. I was feeling angry and petty. I'm just hurt since I thought a lot was water under the bridge and did my best to be a better friend to everyone. (Loaned her money–and honestly, I am not going to see it again. That's the gamble I took–attended art shows of hers, helped sell paintings, took her out of coffee dates, ordered food to her place on her birthday since we were both sick, bought paintings since I like supporting my friend's art. On the other hand, she helped me out with dogsitting when I took two dogs to a pool on Labor Day before the city drained the pool and insisted on buying me a latte on my birthday even though I know she is not as financially well off as me.
The point is, I thought we were friends and I was just blindsided by her bringing up things she said she was no longer mad about, and completely made up something I supposedly said before citing my Vegas trip to dump me as a friend.
I don't mean to be dramatic or create drama. Maybe I am so defensive because I recognize how petty I am being since I have my fee fees hurt. >>220857
I have never dated a friend's ex, no matter how long they have been broken up. It would be too weird to me. However, if she came to me and let me know they were seeing each other, I would have been cool with it.
My friend's current boyfriend (ex #1) told me about it privately today since he felt that I should know. I made sure it was cool if we remain friends and offered my congratulations. Then I came to lolcow to bitch while on a work break.
There is no future for me. Uni is super hard, I chose my major when I was feeling better mentally, now I know it's useless because I won't work in that field. How could I even imagine. I'm socially inept and can't even raise a voice and I break in sweat whenever I need to do anything. I thought of it as my back up plan, because my main goal was to be a writer. But I have not written any story for 2 years. I'm talentless. I can't finish anything, everything is shit fanfic tier. I've lost it. The spark is gone. It's a barren ground.
After years of being great at everything, I'm shit at everything. I don't enjoy my hobbies. I have 3 friends and 2 of them only use me to feel better and the other one, my bestie cracks jokes when I vent about wanting to kill myself. My parents, always so loving and understanding, won't support me because they can't believe me, such a smart pretty girl can be depressed. They lowkey know what's going on, but they don't want to hear it, they take it as a personal failure.
For a long time I had that resolve that I have to look after myself because no one else will and I was managing well, but now I'm just stopping to care. I've never hit that level of bottom before. Maybe I have never been truly depressed until now. It's totally different. I'm not sure if I'll pull myself together this time. It's not worth it. This empty existence is not worth it.
>>220875>This empty existence is not worth it.
I was in the same head space as you this time last year. It was so debilitating. No one around could begin to understand what I was saying about it. My work has a mental health support dept and I asked my boss to schedule an appointment. I worked with a psychiatrist for a few weeks (the work was really hard because she asked some difficult questions I had been avoiding).
It was worth it because she taught me some life tools to use when things get too hard. I can cope better with life now. Sometimes you have to take yourself out of the current situation, go to a trained professional and talk about things. They won’t tell you if you are right or wrong, crazy or normal, broken beyond repair or abnormal. A good one will be able to give you coping skills so when the black dog comes for a visit he doesn’t end up overstaying his welcome.
Maybe your uni has someone to help you with this?
It isn't the first time i am writing on here about this, but the last few months, maybe even years, have been absolute shit for me.
In less than a month i'll have exams; now i've had 2 weeks off and i haven't done anything.
All i do every single day is sit in front of my computer; i can't bring myself to shower, brush my teeth, eat something else than junk food or sleep, i simply have zero motivation, but i know that the longer i put off studying the more stressed i will be.
Before i started college i loved reading, studied a lot, i had so many dreams and now…
My school offers counseling, but only at a time there i have a class i absolutely have to attend (the irony), plus i would be too anxious to go anyway.
I'm not even expectinng to be happy and free of my anxiety etc anymore, i just want to know a way to get myself motivated enough to study, so that i at least won't hate myself for butchering these exams… Any tips?
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Burnout. Happened to me a lot but I still managed a graduate degree. I either did most things in baby steps or last-minute crams. I would definitely recommend the former.
Do you have textbooks to read? Allocate a couple hours a day for studying. Take your books and every couple pages or so place a sticky note tab to indicate a fifteen to twenty minute break for a snack or nap. Set a timer and do NOT go back onto your computer because it's a guaranteed distraction. The breaks are to clear your mind and get you to refocus if you get frustrated.
Write down notes and type a summarized study guide so that way if you don't remember something you can reference the sheet instead of having to skim/reread the chapters you've already done. Having to repeat work is extremely demoralizing.
If you have digital text to study from I suggest going to the campus's library or computer labs to do your work. I don't know if you feel the same way, but at my campus I was embarrassed to be browsing on my facebook or youtube while I was there using their computers. In fact, computers were such a limited quantity during finals time that other students would be pissed off if they caught people fucking around on social media instead of doing work.
Tbh it was social pressure that was good for me. Plus I saw other people working hard and it made me want to do the same.
Anyway I don't know if what I'm saying is particularly helpful but it really helped me under my circumstances.
thanks based anons, you helped me get more motivated. What also shook me up a bit, I tried reaching out to my friends today and one just kept one upping me, and the other - when I told them I watch people commit suicide and I feel like I've hit the bottom's bottom - send me a snapchat of their sad worried face. Not even a text to it.
But that only confirmed my conviction that I am alone in this and I need to do something, because no mighty knight will come to rescue me. I think I will work on gathering up my courage and willpower to see my uni's counselor. Wish me luck to go through with this!! And thanks again for answering! It means sooo much, especially when even my closest friends don't care.
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It's fucking bullshit that I saved my virginity for so long just to be with people who never bothered saving theirs. My ex bf condemned me for sucking dick once while he's done everything under the fucking sun.
I had a big crush on this guy for months and the only time he made an effort to see me was after I returned his interest in doing sexual things with me. How come the only time a guy is interested in me is when he thinks he'll get some? Fuck off, I just want to get coffee or something. But now this guy I liked is coming to my house after we discussed fooling around and I really don't want to do it. I don't want to have sex. I just want to see him. How pathetic is that? Maybe it's time for me to lose my virginity.
Don't get me wrong. I want to kiss him and do things with him but I want it to mean something. This just feels like a hookup. And I'm only 18. Way too young for this sort of thing.
But I'm nothing different than a free whore at this point. Having some guy over just to do things. Maybe I should at least ask to be paid.
He said he liked me in romantic ways but he seemed way more interested once we started discussing sex. "We have to meet up before the 15th when school starts." He said. Fucker, we could have met way before that, but now you're only rushing to see me since you think I'm going to fuck you.
Maybe ill just act really reclusive and shy so he won't be as inclined to touch me. I have severe OCD so whenever I do something vaguely sexual, even not just sex itself, I start thinking I'm going to get pregnant. I know ill be in a bad mental spot after I see him.
Whatever. I'm moving away soon anyway. It doesn't matter. Maybe I will just kill myself this weekend.
Recently i was excited to see my best friend, who i hadn't seen in a month because she just started dating a girl and has been spending the night at her house constantly.
randomly i get a text from her asking "also i invited amy (her gf) and john (their mutual friend) to come"
1- i've met bot of them, they're nice people but extremely extroverted. i wanted to be with my friend because i'm comfortable around her and dont have to 'try'.
2- none of these people can drive. i always end up being everyone's fucking uber and im sick of it, but as soon as i say this im just 'being a bitch'.
Anyway, i ended up sending her some long paragraphs about how i don't feel like driving all around town tomorrow because im still stressed from school, and i just wanted to spend time with her. and she just left me on read and never responded, but continued to use all other social media.
THEN i call my other friend to just talk about it and i asked her if she was free that day, she said yes, and later on i texted her if we could spend time together to which she responded - "No"
at this point i was already feeling pissed off so i just said "so why did you tell me you were free then lol" to which she said "my life doesn't revolve around you.." among other things.
im so pissed because its such a nice day outside and i was excited to go to the park and museum to relieve stress, not go shopping and go to chinatown and do photoshoots. also, they can all have fun and drink but i can't because i have to drive everyone around.
sorry for the stupid immature rant.
If you can, space out your education, this might be harder if you go to an expensive school, but still.
It took me 2 extra years to finish university, during the last year I averaged one class/project per semester. I literally could not get myself out of bed before and would just have multiple meltdowns before every exam. Reducing your courseload means you have fewer things to stress over.
I didn't graduate top of my class but it came out ok and I haven't failed a class since I slowed down (currently doing my master's).
i've been struggling with intense study-related anxiety for the last 5 years (and depression as a result) and know your situation well anon - i'm so sorry things have been so difficult for you.
when i can bring myself to use it, one thing that really helps me to get something
done is the pomodoro method - i tell myself i'll try to work for at least 10, 15, 25 minutes (depending on how bad i'm feeling) and then i can stop. it feels a lot more manageable and even if you can only work for small chunks of time, it's infinitely better than nothing, and half of the time i actually feel ok enough to keep going. i like using an app or browser extension so i don't have to worry about when to stop, but you could use a timer too.
another thing that helps me to drown out the anxiety is working with earphones in and whatever music - sometimes familiar, sometimes a random jazz/study playlist - it seems to distract my brain away from the anxious thoughts. my earphones are broken right now but today i managed to do some job-related work for an hour by blasting mitski loud and that seemed to work too.
the last piece of advice i have is to try and get yourself out of the house and to a public place if you can manage it - somewhere like a quiet library or a cafe. sometimes this is enough to take me out of my thoughts and help with motivation and focus.
i really hope you feel better soon, anon. if you can, it could help to talk to a doctor and let your school know what's happening - my school has always tried to be accommodating (relaxing deadlines, postponing exams) even after i've messed things up repeatedly by being unwell.
(i just realised i'm late responding but glad you're feeling a little better! the realisation that "i'm the only one who can do this" has also helped me generate motivation in the past - good luck with seeing the counsellor, the relief afterwards is so worth it)
, thanks for your kind words anons.
Maybe i should try the pomodoro method/only studying for a set time, i've heard of this before
I love listening to music so whenever i do while studying it makes me feel guilty, like i'm not actually getting things done? Even if i manage to get myself motivated enough to study i sometimes end up reading a paper and realize at the end that i was actually daydreaming about something else the whole time…?
I still live at home so sometimes my family is loud/distracts me, but i think being in a public place like my school's library rather heightens my anxiety
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I've finally signed up to psychiatrist, tho the nearest date is in a month. I wanted to visit it for a year now, but have never done that. I most likely have dysthymia, and it really does hurt me because I often ignore and isolate myself from my friends, even when I know how important they are to me. I feel so shitty but can do nothing with that, I can't even pinpoint what causes it. I don't want to worry my close friend either, even if she says she's always there for me and I can vent to her. I wished I could sign up faster.
I have never seen a coworker of mine get this frustrated/angry at a fellow employee before. Granted, it was a quiet angry… but you could tell by body language she was absolutely mad.
Basically, we had an optional (keyword: optional) Secret Santa this year. You were, under no circumstances, required to participate if you did not think you could afford to do so/be able to do so due to whatever circumstances. We signed up for this all the way back at our Thanksgiving luncheon (which was a week before Thanksgiving). So, if you chose to participate, you had over a month to get your shit together.
Come week after New Year's, we get a company email saying that there was a person who didn't receive a gift from their Secret Santa, so of course we went on a hunt to find out who didn't participate.
Turns out, it was someone in our department. He didn't get his SS anything because he 'forgot'.
You don't forget to give someone a gift when you receive a goddamn Secret Santa gift, we mention it at the Christmas luncheon (which was technically the deadline, but he very well could've gotten something late the week after), and frequently talked about what we were going to get our SS or how we were going to sneak a gift to another department without being caught.
And I understand her frustration. Especially since after being called out for not participating, he still didn't get his SS person anything. Like, that's tacky. We (as a department, since we're only 5 people) asked if he knew where the list was of things his SS person liked so we (as a department, minus him) could get her a belated gift… and he has no idea where it is. Like, there wasn't even a minimum price for a gift. Hell, what I received from my SS was from Dollar General and cost less than $10.
I guess I'm also personally salty because we all talked about getting each other gifts for Christmas as a department… which everyone did, except for him. Not even just a little Christmas card with some candy or something. Like, at least try a little bit. You got a damn Christmas bonus. Keep $100 to the side to take care of shit like this.
I know all of this is petty, but it grinds my gears when people don't follow through or do the bare minimum.
What does that say about what you are actually studying at uni and where?
Get off your high horse
ok, im sorry to say this, but maybe you are the problem.
usually when a company replaces someone its bc they pay them LESS. so if she's really making the same as you, with the same qualifications, its because they actively sought to replace you. whats your personality like? do you cause problems at work? o rmaybe you'e not very productive?
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Gonna give this a shot here since id normally post this to some shithole like 4chan but I could use different viewpoints
I swiped left on this girl on tinder because I met her once, we have a mutual friend who told me of the promiscous things they both did and I wont lie it grossed me out. I feel so ashamed for being like this, I feel bad for swiping left on her because I am very certain she swiped right on me (she appeared often in my queue, a sign that they swiped right on you if they keep reappearing)
Idk is it wrong to be like this. I mean I heard the stories of pointless sex and I got so grossed out like I couldnt stomach the idea of dating someone that lets "anyone" stick their dick in them, or is eager to at least when they get drunk. Meanwhole idgaf if a guy is promiscuous, I see the double standard and it hurts because I am a very logical and fair person and I feel ashamed for not liking her for this reason. I feel like other than this wed get along. But the thought of other guys using her, esp ones I think are ugly (the mutual friend showed me pictures, these dudes remind me of soundcloud rappers that havent gotten all the tattoos in yet) it just grosses me out so much.
Wtf do I do(male posting)
I mean, if you really want to understand why you have this bias you can't really think of it logically to come to a full understanding. Emotions aren't logical. You have to "speak its language" to a cetain extent to examine why you feel that way and come to the root of the issue.
If I can put in my 2 cents, like lots of other guys you come across kind of self-absorbed, and seem to classify women only by their relation to you. You seem to think of her only as a potential partner, and not as her own person. You might come to a different conclusion.
Though like the other anon said, you're not obligated to date anyone with a promiscuous past.
what country are you in anon? I've had teachers who've had to take a leave for their mental health and continued to teach afterwards etc. that sounds crazy to me.
there are websites online for free therapy, not sure how good they are
Samefag but i think i need to clarify a bit: as a teacher i get a very good health insurance, but before that they'll test me and also ask whether i had therapy before.
My own brother did not pass this test because he was in therapy as a child, so how would they ever take me when i still have problems as a young adult? And therefore i absolutely can't see a doctor about this (plus a teacher who's mentally unwell doesn't sound like someone you'd want to employ…)
I don’t know where you live, but I’m in Sweden. When my PTSD, paranoia and fuckall started getting the worst of me I set up an appointment with my district doc and after one meeting I was prescribed with meds (anti depressants). It was a bit too easy imo, but it got me through the worst anxiety waves. After 2 years I stopped with the meds and while I still have those bad days they are few and far between.
Wish I tried therapy, but the waiting lines are really fucking long unless you go to an private one. Best you can do is keep yourself occupied, work, hobbies, researching, friends etc. it’s important to be objective and try to have wide perspective. Take baby steps on bettering yourself,don’t think you’ll do everything at once.
Sorry if this isn’t what you were looking for, a bit rambling on my end. Take care anon.
I also know of one who later had problems, but that was after she was already employed.>>221457
District doc as in just a normal doctor, not a psychologist?
>>221465>Would another girl even understand, let alone put up with this shit?
If a girl likes you enough she will. >>221467
Perfectly understandable in his situation.
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How do you move on from someone who's ignoring you? I really like this person but realistically it's more of an obsessive infatuation and being ghosted like this is making it worse. I don't know how to let go. Well, actually I have a good idea of what to do but none of it appeals to me. I was using this person as a form of inspiration and escapism from the bigger issues in my life. I knew it was inevitably going to fuck up but I let myself get caught up in the fantasy anyways. Now I'm paying the price.
I didn't mean apathetic in a "I don't care about what women think or feel or what happens to them" sense. I just meant that it was hard to think about entering a new relationship or think about sex and besides my girlfriend I didn't have any female friends so I just didn't interact or think about females for a long while.>>221484>If a girl likes you enough she will.
Thank you, that is good to know. Despite my guilt, I would like to date again but I know I'll always miss my first love and always love her. I wouldn't want any new girl to feel like she is being used or is second place or anything like that though. It's all very complicated for me, and even harder to put into words, especially text on a screen.
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I wouldn't say I'm actively suicidal, but frankly my life is cheap, worthless, boring, repetitive, and clearly I will never dig myself out of debt. Nobody truly values me, enough to support/help me, and people who claim to be close to me just show how little they think of me on the daily. I don't see a future. I just see a cyclic existence where I emotionally suffer and never really thrive.
Let's just say if I ever suffered a disease/ accident, like a car crash, I wouldn't exactly resist death.
>yes, I'm having a very bad day
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>came home at 11pm from work, miserable
>bf was supposed to be at home before me to start dinner, but instead he chose to drink at a bar after work so he got home when I did
>I was already pissed, I didn't have anything to eat since breakfast
>ask him to make the chili because we're poverty mode so we gotta eat this shit for the next 3-4 days
>"hurr what you wan in chili anon?"
>he's asking because I usually cook everything so he's 100% a helpless retard even though he has a smartphone and could look up recipe
>begrudgingly say what's in chili out of frustration and ask if he needs me to write a recipe
>he gets defensive and says nah
>pass out on couch
>wake up at 4am
>"Gee, smells like tomato soup."
>go over to crock
>barely any veggies like peppers, garlic, onion…but a fuckload of corn and tomatoes
>ask bf what he seasoned with
>"oh hurr a lil salt and pepper."
>MFW THIS GIANT MANBABY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW TO PUT IN CHILI POWDER TO MAKE CHILI
I'm sorry but I'm fucking done. Nobody should be this stupid.
I tried seasoning it, but it tastes off. Now I have to eat demented man chili for the next week. Fucking kill me, I should have done this myself.
Unless they make you take a lie detector test: lie about therapy. Your psychological problems are unlikely to disappear by themselves, you're more likely to still be mentally unwell by the time you get ready to start a job if you don't
go to therapy.
lol holy shit, leave while you still can anon.
reminds me of this manbaby i dated who was a bonafide genius when it came to math and science, but the little bitch didn't even know how to make himself a sandwich. he was so stressed out by the notion of cutting a tomato all by himself. how the fuck
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I fucking hate my life.
Yeah, I know it could be worse. But everyone else my age in this country has freedom. I don't have any.
I'm not allowed to leave the house alone. I'm not allowed to wear what I want. I'm not allowed to wear too much makeup or what I'd like to put on my face. I'm not allowed to talk to people. It's fucking miserable. The only freedom I have is the internet.
After my brother passed away my parents locked down on me out of fear that I'll die too but have made it more and more extreme control. I feel like Rapunzel, but there is no prince coming to save me. It's a horrible fucking life. I'm stuck in my room all the time and am so bored. I have no friends. I have nothing, no matter what I do. I can't even drive to run away because of my brother and my crippling PTSD. I have a boyfriend online but we've only met once very sneakily at a public place when my parents weren't in the same vicinity as me. I love him to bits and pieces and I wish he could be my prince who will come save me. My parents would never allow it, though.
I'm not a child. I'm 18. If I were younger, I guess it'd be more understandable. But I'm legally an adult and should be able to do what I want. I can't.
I'm trapped and I can't escape. I'm getting to my breaking point. I love my parents yet I hate them for doing this to me. It's borderline abuse to control me this way. I want to kill myself but I have no access to anything to kill myself with.
There's no escape.
lol this reads like some RP shit
have you tried talking to your parents like an actual adult, or maybe… using your legs to get the fuck out of there
Anon, I know exactly what that feels like because I went through the same and I'm really sorry you're going through this. I had a feeling other anons would be cruel and judge a situation they don't understand and I wish I responded earlier.
Firstly, I don't know what kind of people your parents are but would it help to sit them down and talk to them about how you're feeling? If they knew you're depressed spending all your time indoors, would they give you a bit more freedom? Even if just being able to go to the cinema or shopping? I'm guessing not because they police what you wear but it's worth a try.
If that doesn't work, would they allow you to get a part time job? Even if they required dropping you to and from the workplace, getting to spend some time outside of the house and interact with others could really help you mentally and you'd have some money saved up after a while to move out. It would really give you some independence to have your own income and finally do something for yourself.
Maybe telling you how I overcame this could help. In my case, my parents saw me as a child even after I turned 18. They thought heavily controlling me and emotionally manipulating me (I think maybe the same is going on with you, they're using your brother's death to control you) was "protecting" me. Something that helped show them that I wasn't a baby was getting a boyfriend as a teenager. It was really scary introducing him to them and even though they had mixed feelings, they knew they couldn't keep me from him. I started spending more time outside of the house then because he'd bring me on dates or I'd spend the weekend at his house (my parents always dropped me everywhere but it was a little baby step for my freedom).
Then I transferred to a school in the city and I had to take the bus to get there. I got the bus with a group of new schoolmates initially so my parents were okay with it but later on, I got the bus myself and it was a huge step for me. Sometimes I'd go for a coffee after school and take the bus home whenever I felt like it and that felt great. I'd call them and say "hey I'm going to be half an hour late this evening, is that okay?" and there was nothing they could do because I was already out. I started meeting my boyfriend in the city at the weekend too and my parents were okay with that because I always had my phone with me and he was there to protect me (after they had gotten to know him a bit more, obvs) and I was good at getting the bus home at a reasonable time so they had no real reason to complain!
Then I got a part time job in the city which gives you a lot of independence because you have your own little income. I'm still living with my parents but I'm saving money in order to move out (I know a lot of anons here are American and Americans can't comprehend not being able to afford being able to move out at like 16, I'm sorry but that's not how the rest of the world works culturally or economically, also I know that it's NOT that easy when you have controlling parents). My boyfriend has a job too and he's going to get an apartment soon and I'm so excited to move out! I've gotten to the point now where one day I'm just going to say "Hey, my bf got an apartment so I'm moving out with him" and if they accept it, great but if they don't like it, they don't have to be a part of my life and I don't care!
I spoke to a counselor about my problems and she told me that my family act abnormally. She told me to keep taking baby steps for myself because it's important for our happiness and development as people, that we're doing nothing wrong. I'd say she'd tell you the same thing. She told me to do little things like get a piercing I want or slowly wear a little more makeup or dye my hair if I want. I did get a piercing my parents begged me not to when I was out with my boyfriend once and even though my parents were initially very verbally abusive towards me and tried to manipulate me by saying my grandmother wouldn't like it or I wouldn't get a job now or that next thing I'd do is get a tattoo and join a gang, I really liked it and after the initial fight, it was all over (btw it wasn't even anything wild, it was just a lobe piercing lol). Now I really love it and I don't regret getting it. I think we fear taking those steps but once they're over, they're over. You need to challenge your parents, it's the only way. Once you've done something really small that's rebellious and you've gotten past the fighting, you'll realise that it's worth it.
Make a list of all the things you want to do this year. Start with the smallest thing and keep working up to what you ultimately want. Keep pushing them little by little. Reassure them that you're going to be okay by showing them
. People like you and me have a much more difficult start in life but I just know it's going to make you a much more confident and strong person in the end. I was suicidal at your age too but four years later and I've got a boyfriend and I'm about to get a great job and I spend every night looking for apartments for us and planning our future together.
I wish I could hug you, anon xxx
It's the way you come off, anon.
> I had a feeling other anons would be cruel and judge a situation they don't understand and I wish I responded earlier.
Literally 3 people responded, telling her she should leave if she can. Nothing rude about it, but your post comes off as really rude.
Then you're doing that thing where you clap back but in a passive aggressively ~nice~ way. Not a good look.
Yeah because I've seen similar posted before and the responses are usually just "move out, lazy" and I wanted to offer a little more than that because it didn't help me in my situation. I felt >>221615
was a cruel response. I guess we can agree to disagree on that, that's okay.
But I'm really not sure what I said which warrants being called an "arrogant asshole" or a "jerk" or "literally retarded" when I was just responding in a non-aggressive way to an anon who called me a "fucking idiot". How is my post rude and those aren't?
sorry to burst your bubble but no. >>221638
did you miss your bus on your way to tumblr or crystal cafe? and to think you patted yourself on the back about how good you were at using buses.
hey anon, i lived with my mum up until i was 19 and she very controlling. i wasn't ever allowed to go to concerts or parties at the weekend with boys even tho i had a part time job and was at uni. a boy i was trying to date literally sent a taxi to my house once to take me up to his (i was 19) and she screamed at the taxi driver and the guy stopped talking to me because i was too difficult to get to know.
my mum was also verbally and physically abusive to me. i still have a lot of social issues to this day, but long story short, i dropped out of uni without telling anyone and got a decent job. i had to still come home at reasonable hours or i'd pay for it later, but with the income i saved up for a deposit, used annual leave to visit apartments and put a deposit down. the night before i was moving i sat her down and told her i was leaving and everything was arranged
she cried and hugged me and told me she loved me. we have a better relationship now and i think she prefers me out of the house. i don't know what her issues were but you need independence.
jesus christ anon, chill out. being suicidal is not a unique experience. i've actually had a family member kill himself and would never casually bring it up as a defence mechanism. i'm on anti depressants and have had those days were i think about ending it all but you just have to wise up.
anything is better than nothing. fuck off
i never read either anon being suicidal..
my posts were>>221657>>221662
also being afraid to get a bus doesn't seem to imply being suicidal rather than being socially awkward. which i can understand because i had an abusive mother that would isolate me while my brother has been getting arrested since he was 14 and he's 3 years older than me. i actually got out of the house years before him because he was the golden boy and could do no wrong even with a criminal record.
best thing for anyone with overbearing parents is to get as much independence as you can within your confines. a job is the best bet. i got a 9-5 desk job in the city and was able to meet people for dinner before heading home and could have lunch in the city on my break. i got to interact with people from all walks of life and it made me even more eager to get out there in the real world.
jobs = money = freedom.
lol no they weren't. they were just trying to get under her skin. get this tumblr shit out of here.
bus anon is getting a lot of hate because she sounds like a pretentious goodie goodie.>>221661
there are multiple people here, sis.
Dude… look at yourself
Growing up in a household like that is psychologically scarring is fuck and if you don't take it seriously in a thread that is literally for people to vent about their problems then kindly fuck off, you sound like a real annoying conceited asshole
no one was saying that, everyone is just criticizing >>221621
for being judgmental and acting like a know it all with a wall of text and a blogpost.
>hey anon, don't listen to those people who are saying the same thing i am, let me share my life story and tell you what -i- did. clearly, my wall of text is more profound than those meanies!
I was trying to show the anon the little steps she can take that will be easy for her and for her parents to accept, I wasn't trying to blog. Suddenly moving out isn't easy, especially if she doesn't have an income and probably won't go down well with her parents right now. She needs to build up to that.
Idk why you're taking this so personally since it was only for her. She admitted that she's really isolated and this is probably one of the only places she trusts to ask for help and I reached out to her with a personal story. She's in a really fragile state, so I don't think name-calling or saying people who are suicidal "aren't special" isn't really helping.
what worked for you won't work for everyone. your situations are very drastically different, mostly because your parents weren't grieving.
she needs to sit her parents down and tell them what they are doing. maybe help them come to terms with their grief so they will free her. that's why they are doing this. it's nothing to do with them being over protective innately, they are grieving still and they are projecting fears onto her irrationally. they are using her life to try to make up for mistakes that happened with her brother. your situation sounds totally different and is standard of helicopter parents.
more than one person feels this way. also i now agree with >>221632
. if you're so much better than me and others abusing you, why don't you be the bigger person and step away. it's obviously affecting you that much, since you keep replying and acting like you're being abused. kek.
Nta, but your concern seems insincere, especially now since you are so focused on how concerned you
were and how you
are being attacked and bullied. Plus you started off sounding super conceited and disregarding what others said, acting like we told her to off herseslf or some shit.
i'm really proud of myself for once
a little less than a year ago my crazy neighbor forced his way into my house, beat me nearly to death, then raped me. didn't even know the guy. it messed me up in the head pretty badly (literally, i think i'm slightly dumber now due to head injuries/being choked out), but i still went to my highschool graduation within the month even though it was difficult. i gave a speech because i was top of the class. and then i started college full-time even though it was really difficult. and now i'm working my first job, even though it's actively really really difficult. something awful happened, and even though it's deeply affected my psyche i haven't slowed down. i have PTSD of course, and lots of the shitty symptoms that come with it (chronic pain, reliving the moment at inopportune times, etc), but i'm swallowing my tears and trucking on.
i think the people who know me assume that it's easy for me to achieve normal things because i don't complain about it, but everything is difficult and everything hurts. i'm still doing it though. even if nobody else is proud, i am.
I know I'm only a text online but I am proud of you anon. I can't even imagine the pain as this is one of my greatest fears, but to combat this trauma and have a "normal" life must be colossal.
You are my hero honestly, I look up to that kind of strength and determination. I hope good things will happen to you.
god this will sound retarded but here it goes
>get call from place B for job interview, ask where the address is, in the plaza, I assume it's place A because it's one of the few I applied for in the same plaza
>show up to place A, tell them i'm here for a job interview
>"no interviews today sorry"
>walk out confused
>call back to number I got a call from
>"hello thank you for calling place b"
"oh fuck it's that place
>show up to job interview at place b
>too late I already told everyone I had a job interview at place A
>work there for a few months
>too shy to tell people I fucked up and thought my interview was at place A and it was actually at place B
>everyone I know thinks I work there, tell stories from there, even tell friends about how I work there because too shy to tell them about my fuck up
>get fired, a few months later, could receive benefits
>parents still think I use to work at place a
fuuccckk, what's wrong with me anons, what do I do, I keep getting myself deeper and deeper into this, should I come up with some dumbass excuse like "it's all the same plaza right"