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No. 1625265
Vent about how parents and/or other family fucked over you/your dreams by making terrible choices for you via neglect, close mindedness, laziness, totally ignoring what you wanted etc and how your coping as an adult.
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>>>/ot/354814 No. 1625269
When I was 12, I did something with a senior in the school bathroom, i wanted attention and told that senior i'd give him head. It was the first time in my life I didn't feel ugly, but it was because I was getting attention for my body.
I did it, because of that it basically ruined my 7th grade year. Anyway, my mom got me from school and some boy yelled something like, "You gonna suck my dick Nona" my mom heard him. She didn't say anything to him, but she later screamed at me.
we were walking to the store, days later and she was on the phone with her friend just talking about me, she asked me to tie her shoe and she was like Bend over and tie my shoe like you be when you sucking dick. I love my mom, she is the only one who cares for me and i've been in a slump for years. She's been more than understanding, but I've just been sitting thinking and I feel like maybe I was set up to fail in life in general.
The more I think, the more i realize that the life that me and another sibling lived, wasn't normal.
A lot of the shit my mom has said to me really hurts me, she's gotten better but…she's told me I look like a prostitute, she would laugh and giggle when older men would beep at me, even brag about it. This started when I was like 11-12 but then get mad at me when I was into boys.
She told me once she sees me having a bunch of baby daddies and babies. She told me once, i'm "Ruining" my body because I had cellulite. She even calls me fat now, I am fat but she looks at me with disgust.
I know I can't say anything, because in my family everyone now acts like because my mother is older, it means we just have to get over the past.
People act like me and another sibling is crazy. When we've seen so much and have been treated poorly. The more I think about it, I not only inherited my low self esteem from my mom, but she was the one who started a lot of it.
I was never told I was pretty, I was never treated like a little girl, just a baby sitter. It's like when you are adult in the situation I am, if I were to vent to my siblings about it, they'd be like, "You can't blame you mom now, this sounds like excuses" no, that shit hurts.
I'm hurting. I don't "Hate" my mom, I hate my dad but he's legit abusive and absent. I just feel like, how could I have been any different then I am now?
I feel guilty like I can't complain or think back on it, because, "You are a adult, you fucked up your own life". I even think of some of the beatings me and my siblings got.
My mom would purposely hit my brother with the metal part of the belt, she'd hit him with broken broom sticks and he'd be cut up by the metal, In my community beatings or "Whoopings" were normal. But i was abused. He was abused. She wanted to hurt me and I alot of my behaviors now are because of how I was treated. How we were treated
Its kind of crazy for me to realize that while my mom is great in other ways,she really was horrible in others.
But because she's a single mother who cares for me, even past the point, It's this weird guilt trip. I often wonder if she feels bad about it?
Her mother was horrible as well. If I even make it to the point or if I can even have kids (I hope so), Im going to try my hardest not to break that cycle. I'd rather die then give birth to a child and treat her how I was treated.
There's so much, I didn't even know I needed to wipe after peeing. That was how..how much my mom messed up, she worked hard, but I'm realizing that a lot of moms especially the ones in my community, coddle their sons to a extreme degree, while putting their daughters and women around them through hell.
She also thinks that anything we say about her shitty boyfriends is a reflection of her, it is. She let my brothers do whatever they wanted mostly but shames my sister for even liking boys. Saying she wants her to be better then her. So my brothers can be whatever they want, they can be baby daddies, or abusers or whatever.
But the girls? We have to deal with this disgusting shit? Comments on our bodies, she called my nose ugly, every single complex I had in my life I feel stemmed from my mom and was confirmed by society.
How do I get out of that?
Sorry for this long rant.
No. 1625276
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>>1625269Sending love to you nona
No. 1625303
>>1625269you sound like you have stockholm syndrome. your mom is not a good person and you should get far away from her forever. she is legit
abusive. it's definitely bad for your self esteem to be anywhere near her. none of that is normal.
>How do I get out of that?I think the first step to getting out of that is to literally get out and cut contact.
No. 1625305
>>1625289I just got chills. Between the thread topic and your comment I recalled something awful.
–You reminded me of my mom when I asked her if my father had molested my sister and if he was a pedophile. She said, verbatim, "he's not a pedophile he's just stupid." He had molested her and he was a pedo among other things, I was just looking for an adult figure to acknowledge the reality that me and my siblings saw but instead I got complete denial. My whole mind went blank when I realized my mother was pretending it was something else.
No. 1625322
I think my story's pretty common unfortunately, but here we go. So basically to keep it short, my Dad growing up was a super physically abusive person. He was always supportive of my family financially, and he always did a lot of 'dad' things around the house (like home repair and car stuff)… But he was also an acholic and had very, very bad anger issues.
One of the worst times was when I was four or five years old, he was holding my baby sister on the couch. I remember wanting to tickle him for some reason, so I stuck my hand up to try and put my finger in his armpit. I remember him grabbing me and slamming me into the couch and choking me until I nearly blacked out. I remember my mom was in the kitchen and she didn't even bother to come check on me, but she shouted, 'what's going on in there?', or something similar. My dad told me later he was mad at me because he could have dropped my baby sister and it would have been dangerous, but he must have dropped her or he couldn't have choked me like he did.
He also did something similar where he strangled me against the wall and my feet were dangling because he was holding me high up. That time it was because I had pulled a tissue box out of the trash to place with the empty box.
As an adult looking back, I had never realized how psycho my dad was until recently. I read articles that say the biggest precursor to murder is strangulation (saying that domestic abusers who are most likely to murder someone and go through with it often strangle or choke their victim). It makes me feel like I could have really died back then, and he could have really killed me. I especially think he might have killed me that first time. I don't know why.
There's a whole other list of things that happened that I'm not even touching on. It still fucks with Mr to this day. I don't trust anyone and I have bad issues with paranoia. When someone touches my throat or neck (to grab a loose hair, for example), I freak the fuck out. I've never dated a moid even though I'm straight, because I just don't trust men. They'll say not all men are like that but I don't care. I can never get over what happened to me. I never can complain about this one real life because I don't want to trauma dump or completely ruin the mood of whatever outing it is or whatever but I literally think about this shit everyday. It's so fucked. Idk. I don't know how to handle it. I can barely function as an adult.
No. 1625332
My mom has BPD, and growing up it was hell. She would refuse to give me affection as a punishment for some tiny thing I didn't even know I did. She was always making weird nasty sexual comments or saying edgy shit that was really inappropriate to say to anyone, let alone your daughter. My earliest memories of her are of her screaming at me for just being a curious kid, like grabbing change out of the coin dispenser at the grocery as a four year old. She used to lock me in the closet when I would cry, as she didn't want to deal with me being emotional, though she never outright beat me. When I was a teen my parents divorced but my dad only got custody of my brother, and I was forced to stay with my mom alone, which was hell.
I think what I hate most is how the rest of my family failed me. When I was older I learned that my mom married into my dad's Mexican family but my abuela did not approve of her, and none of my aunts, uncles, or cousins liked her. But instead of doing anything to protect or help me, I was ignored. I was enjoyed when they were babysitting me because I was genuinely a sweet kid and I liked to play by myself and not cause trouble. But they never did anything more than that, despite knowing how my mom treated me and how I grew up.
I eventually escaped my house but I hate how much stuff I had to learn all on my own. No one from my family wanted anything to do with me, and over time I stopped trying to show up to family functions like holidays. I had to teach myself how to do my own taxes, how to cook, how to clean, how to dress, how to get a job and how to be happy I guess. I'm married now but infertile due to medical issues that affected me in the womb (my mom is also a fucking stoner and I guess that fucked me up too), so I can never have kids and start a better family of my own, unless I adopt. I've considered it but I don't think I'm in the right space to raise a child, I'm still in therapy and I'm in my late 20's ffs.
Whenever I look at people who are in high positions in life, I get really sad because they usually take it for granted. A lot of people don't realize that having a loving family gives you so many opportunities in life to succeed as an adult, and without that it can feel impossible to ever make something of yourself.
No. 1625336
My mom always made sure to protect us from pedophiles and wouldn't leave us alone with men or anybody until we got older, but I still ended up getting molested. Idk who left me with that boy, maybe it was my aunt, I'm not sure. I don't think my mom would've let me alone with him.
I think what was worse than that, was that my mom never realized I was abused, so I never got help as a kid. She was so knowledgeable and careful about it, but was unable to realize it had happened to her kid. When she describes my sudden change in attitude, my anger issues, my sudden crippling shyness, the weird things I did to dolls, how I wanted to shower with a bathing suit, my sudden refusal to eat like I used to. She always says I was the happiest kid ever and then one day I changed. Hmm, I wonder why.
The same boy even tried to touch my sister afterwards too, but she fought back and immediately told my mom. So she knew a pedo had been around us. I don't understand how she didn't notice. I don't hate her for it, but I wish she had noticed.
No. 1625376
I think my father is on the spectrum or something. He's distant, has his own interests, doesn't talk too much, hates when too many people talk and likes his spaces. I don't directly hate him, in fact I'm appreciating him now that I'm grown up because I'm a bit like him (and I might be on the spectrum as well) so we find like middle grounds to communicate and have a weird sense of humor and same childish interests but I wish he wasn't like that when I was little because that made me grow up thinking that he didn't care about me so I never took pride in anything I did. Everytime I got good marks or good results in sport I felt relief like "thank god it's done" instead of being happy for myself. This feeling of never being enough led to me being a people pleaser in my past relationship and that fucked me up in my teenage years. I'm a lot better but damn, I wish my mom could've explained what was going on with him instead of ignoring and saying "he's like that." to me when I was little, because yeah I was a kid but sure as hell I wasn't stupid, if she told me "you know your father expresses his emotions in a different way" I would be willing to learn how to be good for him. He's not a bad person, he's not violent, he never shouted (in fact he hated arguments) or anything, but damn that was a lot as a kid
No. 1625405
I wasn't downright sexually or physically abused but my parents were never emotionally available. They were always very self-centered and just cared about themselves first.
My mother is possibly autistic or just really fucking egotistical and she always had these meltdowns/fixations over petty or weird shit (some things can't bande touched, some things can't be placed in certain ways or places, certain words would trigger her, she had to do "rituals" before doing some things and would get mad if other people did not do them as well), would yell over something nearly every single day, I'm not even exaggerating here. Growing up I would literally be afraid of her and I couldn't stand her voice, it would make me flinch. As I child I did everything I could to appease her so she wouldn't have these behaviours anymore, but this meant not wanting anything, not having friends (she's very antisocial), not going places, not doing things (as a teen the only things I was allowed to do were going to school and then coming home, but it's not like there was anything she wanted me to do at home, she just liked to control everything I guess). However she didn't behave as badly with my older brother (golden child), both of my parents were crazy for him despite him being a little shit as a kid and growing up to be a delinquent first and then an annoying adult later.
Speaking of my brother, he sexually harassed me when I was about 10, he called them "games" and "massages", in reality he touched my genitals and pounced me, sometimes he would show he his dick and at the time I felt in control somehow. They knew, but of course the fucker didn't get punished. It's hilarious that he could be a perverted asshole and could still hang out with his friends while I was locked in the house until 20. I developed issues with wetting myself afterwards but I'm not sure if that's why, but I was always punished for it and I got called dirty a lot. The fucker also strangled me a few times when he was a kid. I was forced to sleep in the same room as him well into my 20s, because my parents basically separated and slept in different rooms, so there wasn't a room for each of us anymore. Mother was also a borderline hoarder who would blame me for all the dirt in her house ( I "didn't help her clean", but I also couldn't touch anything because of her autistic meltdowns). My father would often have violent outbursts where he would break/throw things and he was physically abusive with my brother despite him being the favourite (and then ofc my brother molested me and grew up to also have violent outbursts).
I helped pay their bills in my teens, but they would berate me often because I was weird/ugly/stupid and I would hide the fact that I was being bullied/I self-harmed because I knew they would tell me it was my fault. Later I did develop some physical symptoms as a result and then they decided I actually was making it all up to spite them and convinced doctors to put me into a mental facility (in which I was force-fed against my will despite telling them I could eat normally, and the nurses put a tube in me by literally cornering me into a room, refusing to let me leave and making me sign some paper after being threatened with forceful medication) and after 5 months of evaluation they concluded it was actually stress and my parents got kinda pissed at me being discharged.
I was always confused with them when I was younger because they would do all of this shit and then lovebomb me on some days, and I felt crazy and ungrateful because I thought that afterall they did love me and I just wasn't trying hard enough, and what happened to me was actually my fault. I'm still kinda confused… maybe some things weren't as bad and I was just sensitive or attention-seeking… who knows, but they're hated by their own parents too so they're probably nuts.
No. 1625412
My biological father abandoned me (and my mother) before I was even born. According to the woman he later married he refused to acknowledge my existence and then claimed I was dead. I've seen him say racist things about my background online. I have a hard time getting over him even though I've never met him, as stupid as it is. I think it's because I look like him (since I'm mixed race) and I could never relate to my maternal side of the family while I shared some interests with my father. All I know about him is what I found from e-stalking and talking to his ex-wife and a half brother I've never met.
I think deep down my mother resented me for this situation, she was always very cruel to me, especially about my looks (she was always very proud of hers and I look nothing like her). She was just really vicious to me, angry at any little mistake and constantly making fun of my appearance, calling me stupid, useless, that nobody liked me, my father would be disgusted if he ever saw or met me, etc. She loved to humiliate me in front of people, like making fun of my breasts in front of my stepfather or in front of school peers. She'd set me up too, for instance by insisting that I buy a certain item of clothing because it looked nice and then later saying I looked hideous in it. She told me to kill myself several times and if I ever confided to her about anything, like an insecurity or unpleasant event, she'd later bully me about it specifically (of course I stopped doing this when I got older, I mean as a child).
The issues with my mother are technically over because she's dead now but I still can't forget all the awful things she said and did to me. On her deathbed she accused me of never liking her and I had no idea what to say to her. I'd always thought I would tell her how I really felt in that situation but I decided to keep the peace and let her die without addressing anything. Clearly she was never going to acknowledge anything, much less repent, so why even bother?
No. 1625451
i used to feel a lot of shame being related to my own father, and it didn't help that no one really knew how bad our relationship was because my mother hid everything that happened in our home. i realized recently that my father is basically an incel/mgtow hotep loser. when i was a teen, i found all his accounts where he was sperging about how women are evil and following people in the early mgtow movement, and whenever i brought up the evidence of this he would deny it. he justified his abuse of my mother and i under the guise of religion, preaching how women were supposed to be subservient to men, meanwhile my mother was the main breadwinner in the family. i have no idea what my father was actually doing half the time, but he could never consistently keep a job. he went to an expensive ivy league school, had to get my mother to cosign on his loan since it was like 100k for a masters when he went back (i think it might be 300k today). he did all that, and then dumped my mother when she stood up to him after he started screaming at me one night over turning on the furnace.
i guess the irony of it all is that he was so sure that him abandoning us would mean his life would somehow "get better", because apparently him living rent free in my grandparents' mansion so that he and my mother could both go to university without worry was just terrible, or my grandmother practically raising me while he and my mother worked, even though she had breast cancer, made her into some harpy who got in between him and his marriage. i was so young then and didn't really understand the magnitude of the entitlement and stupidity coming out of my father's mouth, but now that i'm older i can see it so clearly. i haven't checked on his social media in years, but the last time i glanced at his twitter, he was driving from uber/lyft in a car in his shitty vw, living in some old nasty house in the mountains, whining and gossiping and just generally being a louse. my father was doing so well career wise when he was living with us, but he all blew it cause he didn't like that my mother and i would not kiss his ass and that we wouldn't let him bully us, even though he was not the super masculine top chad he tried to make himself out to be.
No. 1625463
>>1625305Jesus fucking Christ. Reading your comment made my stomach drop as if it was my dad I was reading about. My dad never molested my but he was always horrible and extremely emotionally/verbally
abusive. Everytime I’d tell my mom that I know my dad doesn’t love me she’d deny it and say he does love me he’s just a stupid asshole.
No. 1625468
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I feel like such a psycho reading this thread, because it’s all just trauma dumps, and most normal people do not like reading or listening to other people trauma dump. Me? It’s basically my favorite thing in the world. I wish every random person I meet would trauma dump like this to me. I’d also be happy to hear about any mundane shit happening in their lives. I truly don’t understand why people don’t like it when others trauma dump.
No. 1625509
So, my mum is completely financially dependant on me now, and that's making me hate her even more than I did before.
My dad was severely abusive, but my mum and him divorced over 20 years ago. In that time, she has survived off of my and my brothers' child support, she never worked a day in her entire life. I'm the youngest and the only woman, but now I have graduated university and my dad (who decided to suddenly grow a conscience) told me he would still help me financially for as long as he was able to, but he's worried about my mum munching off of me.
So I'm moving out of the state and I'm not taking her with me. She's going to live with one of her sisters, and she's pissed about it. She's really really angry and her behaviour has become more and more erratic. She's verbally abusive, but hasn't crossed the line to being physically abusive anymore. Probably because I'm no longer a child and now I can fight back.
When I was a kid, I was severely tortured in church, and while she was aware that the abuse had happened once, she swears she didn't know it kept going for two years. I always thought that was a stupid excuse and that even one stance of csa should be taken seriously, but apparently being raped is ok as long as it's only once, I guess.
She never saved any money, even though we got a fat share of my dad's salary. She used to spend all of it on frivolous stuff, instead of using it to study and get a job. She wanted to be a trophy wife without having to be a wife.
So now that I'm a grownup, I'm working and she drains all of my money, which isn't much to begin with. And I'm so done with her, every day I spend in this house is torture. I really just want to leave and cut contact.
My brothers' don't help either, because they "have their own lives", as if because I'm a woman I didn't have the right to my own life as well.
I just feel like I've reached a dead end, because she's not going to change, but I might still have a chance at happiness if I leave. Please nonas that have cut their parents off, tell me that things get better. I need reassurance before buying the plane ticket.
No. 1625510
So, my mum is completely financially dependant on me now, and that's making me hate her even more than I did before.
My dad was severely abusive, but my mum and him divorced over 20 years ago. In that time, she has survived off of my and my brothers' child support, she never worked a day in her entire life. I'm the youngest and the only woman, but now I have graduated university and my dad (who decided to suddenly grow a conscience) told me he would still help me financially for as long as he was able to, but he's worried about my mum munching off of me.
So I'm moving out of the state and I'm not taking her with me. She's going to live with one of her sisters, and she's pissed about it. She's really really angry and her behaviour has become more and more erratic. She's verbally abusive, but hasn't crossed the line to being physically abusive anymore. Probably because I'm no longer a child and now I can fight back.
When I was a kid, I was severely tortured in church, and while she was aware that the abuse had happened once, she swears she didn't know it kept going for two years. I always thought that was a stupid excuse and that even one stance of csa should be taken seriously, but apparently being raped is ok as long as it's only once, I guess.
She never saved any money, even though we got a fat share of my dad's salary. She used to spend all of it on frivolous stuff, instead of using it to study and get a job. She wanted to be a trophy wife without having to be a wife.
So now that I'm a grownup, I'm working and she drains all of my money, which isn't much to begin with. And I'm so done with her, every day I spend in this house is torture. I really just want to leave and cut contact.
My brothers' don't help either, because they "have their own lives", as if because I'm a woman I didn't have the right to my own life as well.
I just feel like I've reached a dead end, because she's not going to change, but I might still have a chance at happiness if I leave. Please nonas that have cut their parents off, tell me that things get better. I need reassurance before buying the plane ticket.
No. 1625511
So, my mum is completely financially dependant on me now, and that's making me hate her even more than I did before.
My dad was severely abusive, but my mum and him divorced over 20 years ago. In that time, she has survived off of my and my brothers' child support, she never worked a day in her entire life. I'm the youngest and the only woman, but now I have graduated university and my dad (who decided to suddenly grow a conscience) told me he would still help me financially for as long as he was able to, but he's worried about my mum munching off of me.
So I'm moving out of the state and I'm not taking her with me. She's going to live with one of her sisters, and she's pissed about it. She's really really angry and her behaviour has become more and more erratic. She's verbally abusive, but hasn't crossed the line to being physically abusive anymore. Probably because I'm no longer a child and now I can fight back.
When I was a kid, I was severely tortured in church, and while she was aware that the abuse had happened once, she swears she didn't know it kept going for two years. I always thought that was a stupid excuse and that even one stance of csa should be taken seriously, but apparently being raped is ok as long as it's only once, I guess.
She never saved any money, even though we got a fat share of my dad's salary. She used to spend all of it on frivolous stuff, instead of using it to study and get a job. She wanted to be a trophy wife without having to be a wife.
So now that I'm a grownup, I'm working and she drains all of my money, which isn't much to begin with. And I'm so done with her, every day I spend in this house is torture. I really just want to leave and cut contact.
My brothers' don't help either, because they "have their own lives", as if because I'm a woman I didn't have the right to my own life as well.
I just feel like I've reached a dead end, because she's not going to change, but I might still have a chance at happiness if I leave. Please nonas that have cut their parents off, tell me that things get better. I need reassurance before buying the plane ticket.
No. 1625622
>>1625509It gets loads better. A lot of distance helps if you're not sure you'll never speak to her again.
Be careful with your dad and his "support",
abusive guys don't suddenly change.
No. 1626021
>>1625900>>1625984My dad fell into this kind of shit and ended up having a persecutory delusion crisis in some restaurant and was interned. He didn't believe in conspiracy theories but he did think he was being targeted and spied on so he wouldn't let anyone in our apartment.
I don't hold any hate for him, he was an amazing dad before he lost it, I'm just lurking here and saw this post and it resonated with me.
I hope he can get help before it's too late, if not, keep your head up nonna. Mental illness is a real bitch for the mentally ill and those around them.
No. 1626074
>>1625289I agree. I was left to raise my sister by myself while being abused by my alcoholic mother and neglected by my father. As I got older, I began to realise that it wasn't as simple as my parents being evil or outright bad people. They never intended for things to happen the way they did. They were both from dysfunctional families and repeated the same mistakes as their parents because they didn't know any better.
While I have forgiven them and I don't hate them anymore, I will never forget what they did to me and I still don't like either of them.
No. 1626137
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>>1626074I'm more of the mind that "well, that happened and it was shitty, nothing I can do about it now." Got to move on at some point. Sometimes I can think of a moment where I'm 100% positive they were conscious of what they were doing and knew it was wrong and even had a visible expression of remorse on their face, but then they kept on doing what they did again and again. So like what the fuck was their problem? At any point they could have chosen to be a good person, it's not that hard. 10,000 opportunities to open their eyes and see the whole situation was fucked but they ignored it. mother rewrites history in her mind minute-to-minute. dad moped about being lonely and abandoned up to the day he died –no shit none of us stuck around, how many times did he make everyone else cry and feel lonely in our own house? literally every day. I tried to talk to him before I cut contact but he denied everything it was like talking to a brick wall. sometimes I wonder if he actually did need to have sense knocked into him to understand, like maybe a cast iron skillet will get the point across lol but that's just the brainworms he gave me.
No. 1626141
>>1625376 >I think my father is on the spectrum or something. He's distant, has his own interests, doesn't talk too much, hates when too many people talk and likes his spaces. I don't directly hate him, in fact I'm appreciating him now that I'm grown up because I'm a bit like him (and I might be on the spectrum as well)Similar story here. My dad was always called an 'oddball' when I was growing up. I didn't really get what that probably was a stand in word for. He was distant, unemotional, huge need to be left alone after work and on his days off. Had very rigid routines that didn't allow for anyone else to disrupt them. Did his own thing. Lived with him and felt like I barely knew him. I got diagnosed myself at 30 and looking back its painfully obvious that the signs were always there in both of us. I'm not close to him now. Partly because of physical distance from moving but also because I lost my mom and my dads cold manner really hit me hard once I was missing my moms warmth to fill in the gap. It felt like I lost the only parent I could really connect with on any meaningful level. She was the balance that kept me halfway sane all those years. Being raised by someone like my dad without her for balance would've been so much worse.
I'm not really mad at this point. I've definitely ruminated over it alot over the years but I kinda get how his brain ticks and how he'll never change. He knows I'm diagnosed, hes admitted he likely has it too but he's very anti mental health and anti professionals. Tbh I just don't know why he ever chose to have a family given the way that he is.
He retired, is obviously widowed and has an empty nest now. He's a loner which seems to suit him better than the life he had before. He never had the patience to share a living space with other people, nevermind with kids. I sometimes wonder if he regretted his own choice to have kids. A quiet life on his own is what he likes. Same here so I just.. didn't have kids kek
No. 1626153
>>1626144samefag. reading back this came off as a bit much. sorry guys.
my stepmom was severely mentally ill. she probably had a personality disorder, but she had depression, OCD, and an ED. none of it was properly dealt with as she got older. it was better for her to deal with it by drinking all day. it's what killed her though. that and having a lot of physical problems from her ED/just shit genetics.
i'm not going to use this as an excuse for her behavior. never ever will. i can understand to a degree how much she struggled and suffered, but never getting help and being
abusive to someone for no fucking reason just makes you a shitty person. she never saw me as anything but a burden and would try to seperate my half sister and I. She used my sister as a caregiver when she got older and I will never forgive her for the trauma she now gave my little sister. My stepmother only acted
abusive in front of family too. Around strangers she would go out of her way to be the nicest, loving, caring, Godly woman you ever met. I like to think she was nice at times. She had everyone fooled around her at her funeral and everyone told stories about the things she did. It was the worst day for me, honestly. Everyone talking about your abuser in such a positive light and you have to hold back about all the horrible things she did to your family.
Sometimes I think about spitting on her grave. I hold a lot of anger and resentment for a woman whos been dead for almost three years now. I let go of a LOT. She's still my sister's mom at the end of the day and I don't want to hurt her. I should go see a therapist when I can. I know I need to. If I don't I am afraid I'll turn out like her.
No. 1626189
>>1626164Thank you. I did slightly bring things up a couple of years ago and it made my parent freak out (threaten to kill themselves, leave the family). They didn't necessarily say it didn't happen but their own problems clearly come first. We didn't actually get to talk about it more than one or two sentences due to the freaking out. So I'm not sure. But it's so confusing since this parent is so incredibly supportive of me. It's really difficult, I feel like it would make more sense if they were straight up a piece of shit? But it's like they're really a good/nice/loving/caring person who is also mentally disabled in this way. I do feel bad for them since it seems their life is hard to live. But at the same time they were always successful at work and outside the home so… It's not like they had a mental illness or problem that took over their entire life, they were able to be normal where it mattered to them. I suppose work functioning doesn't require emotional intelligence or
triggering interpersonal relationships though.
>>1626171Thanks. It does seem unlikely that they can completely change. That's one thing that really annoys me, they didn't receive any therapy or support ever but how they treat me is the exact opposite of childhood. So why couldn't they just have acted that way then? To be clear only one parent was
abusive but the other is a serious enabler. And I am extremely passive and submissive, I'm sure if I challenged them everything could be different. It just feels very strange since a lot of people with my diagnosis (CPTSD and a personality disorder, low-functioning) struggle so much materially in adulthood while I don't have to work, get everything taken care of, zero pressure from my parents, they don't care if I ever achieve anything as long as I don't get stressed or feel unwell… Even basic things like if they want to visit me they'll make sure I'm OK for them to visit, they don't cause a fuss or guilt trip if I say I'm not feeling up to it. So I feel like I can't even relate to the people who are supposed to be most similar to me, literally every way my parents act now is supportive and kind to the point I'm sure many people would kill to take my place or even kill me for being so ungrateful.
No. 1626404
I'm not sure if it's the state of men or my parents' dysfunctional ways that's made me lose all hope of having a healthy relationship myself.
My dad cheated on my mum with an affair spanning years, and at the time when she forgave him (I was 15ish) I thought man that's bullshit, they should've divorced. Now I'm older I'm seeing just how fucked up it is. How messed up does your mindset have to be to forgive that? And I remember, from what I could see there were no consequences for him. He didn't become a better husband, he didn't start to give good gifts on mum's birthday or christmas. He was still a fucking asshole, just dubiously faithful.
And he's a fucking coward. He's always raising his voice at random and setting everyone on edge. One day I'd just had it and even though it made me sob (my throat used to tighten up whenever I'd try to speak against him) I properly yelled at him. Since then, not a peep from him to me. To my mum and brother constantly, though. Fucking pussy. He's going into a shit care home, guaranteed.
I don't like my mum either. I'm not sure if it's because she's constantly trying to make me appease my dad and goes out of her way to placate him, or if it's because I was brought up basically being demonstrated it's fine to disrespect her. I try my best to be nice to her now but she constantly gets on my last fucking nerve. Especially when she's suggesting I make some extra effort that I never would on my own, she wants me to be the one to play nice, I wonder why. I had a go at her too once. She was calling to "suggest" I get dad a gift and I asked mum what he got her for her last birthday. Obviously it was fuck all, and I told her there's her answer.
This isn't anything like the horrid things other nonas went through, but it definitely wasn't healthy and fully fucked my self esteem. I can't actually imagine a healthy home life kek. Even if I did experience it I'd need to peel back so many layers of defence on my end just to accept and appreciate it.
No. 1641106
Alcoholic dad, not violent, but extremely angry, moody, and at times verbally abusive, saying the most hateful things for no other reason than being drunk and in a bad mood. Like, you never knew when he was going to blow up, about something real or imagined.
Mom is an enabler who should have left him but never did. She made sure he never experienced a single consequence for any of his actions, including covering up for his multiple arrests and affairs so no one else in the family ever found out.
So, yeah, I'm old now and haven't lived with them for quite a few years but that shit will fuck you up and make you unable to have healthy relationships for a long time. I went to therapy and finally learned that I don't have to be like my mother and tolerate infinite bullshit from drunken loser scrotes. They are still together (going on 35 years) and they're both so toxic. I talk to her a lot and tell her I'm worried about her, and tell her she should leave, but she always says some bullshit like: "he loves me and he loves you too, he just doesn't express it like most people." I wish she'd leave him but their weird dynamic has gone on for so long that I don't have hope anymore.
No. 1641363
Did anyone else's parents get divorced after having 7 children, then they both turned into political activists for the left (dad) and right (mom), and any time something bad happens to their ill fated children they throw their hands up and say it must have been the other parent/political party. They had such high standards for their morals that they would be at each others' throats constantly perceiving offense in the most innocuous of actions. You definitely need to walk on some serious eggshells to be around either one of them, they cannot live together with people in harmony. They are the kind of person who gets extremely offended when other people pay attention to things that are not them and micromanage/stalk to a crazy degree and expect you to drop everything on a dime to join in on their political bullying . When to be honest becoming a reality TV star and trying to get your kids in on political dogmatism at the youngest of ages, "before someone else does" (they tell themselves), is a surefire way to get your children to feel as if you think their intelligence is worthless. To basically treat other people as if they're apes and you need to bribe them with things to get them to do what you say instead of a person who wants to contribute to the society they exist in to the fullest of their abilities. If you live in the fiction that other people are ignorant, passive audiences, you will never meet the people who disagree with your behavior. This also goes double for the people who think that when other people read the books they enjoy, it must be secretly for a bad reason, or that when people talk about their interests you need to change the subject instantly; that only informs others about how you feel about the book. Like you think it's immoral or something. People pick and choose what parts of fiction they like and dislike, the only thing that would be bad would be if the book literally just said "kill this person", had content that was more gruesome than the age demographic, or had a boring writing style. Otherwise you are basically against your children learning beyond the bounds of what you think is appropriate because you don't trust them to make sound moral judgments. If you treat a person like that, of course they will hate you. You should not assume that familial relationships need to be so watched over that you become a floating head over their shoulder shoulder surfing their entire life looking for things that you think you're too good to do, because you're going to confuse your hands with theirs, panic and hit them, and then ask them why they're hitting themself.
No. 1655422
>>1655340I went through something really similar. I never told anyone about it because of the shame I felt. He would outright call things like an outfit or nail polish colour "slutty" when I was a preteen. I can remember being freaked out at the time because I knew that it was him projecting.
He was a teacher/guidance counsellor and I remember him bringing his students that had graduated that year to our home or on family trips. One time, he brought a girl that he had obviously been grooming to my 13th birthday party. I remember him sending her money while she was in school and telling our family at the dinner table that she had been SA'd by her father as a child. She was anorexic skinny and covered in cutting scars. A few months before this incident, I was gravely ill in the hospital and the doctors saw my cutting scars. They brought my father into the room and asked if they should refer me some psychiatric help, he just said "I see this all the time at work, she's just doing it for attention". When I got out of hospital, he came into my room one night and made me take off my clothing so he could "make sure I stopped". At the time I thought this was a half-assed attempt to help, but it felt more sinister when I saw that girl.
After I moved out, he got arrested for SA of a minor. The charges were dropped eventually and he acts like a
victim of false accusations now, but he literally admitted his guilt to me at the time of his arrest. Not only has he traumatized me directly, I'm now isolate myself because I'm worried that people I meet might google my last name. I also have intrusive thoughts about the situation and I have trouble remembering things from my childhood. I remember being a happy child until middle school, except I started self harming when I was 7 or 8. I sometimes wonder if I blocked something out. Sometimes I have "emotional flashbacks"/panic attacks where I can vividly remember how I felt at age 12, but I can't remember what made me feel that way.
No. 1655431
>>1655423I also hear you and ayrt as well
My parents deny I was molested
But they were also lousy parents so maybe that had something to do with it
You don't win either way whether it's just your parents or there's something else you've buried down. I don't know anymore
No. 1655435
after years and years of chaos and abuse, my dad completely burned down my childhood home. my mom, little sister and i literally lost everything, including our two dogs. it's horrifying because growing up, i was constantly scared that he was going to end up killing one or all of us. i often slept with a knife under my bed for some kind of defense against him because of how he would act, and i felt like i had to monitor every single one of my parents' fights secretly by myself to make sure he didn't beat or stab my mom to death in a rage. because he would get like that often. and he started the fire in my room, of all places. it's a good thing i had already left the house because he had been acting weird all day. oh yeah, and my mom and sister actually had moved out of the house by then because they (really my mom) couldn't deal with his mental issues, but told ME that i would help him by staying there. and even though i was dealing with depression myself, i really tried to. well he ended up killing himself after he got bailed out of prison (arson charge) by his side of the family. i just don't understand any of it. i was only 15 when this happened, i'm 20 now and completely unrecovered from it all like i can't do shit can't even feed myself most days. my mom still thinks those years of terror did no significant damage to me and that i was just born like this, like i'm just a difficult girl. she favors my little sister more because she's not mentally as fucked up as me. nobody understands that i was the one to keep her away from it all and took the brunt of his outbursts when it was only us two at home. like i had to sit and listen to his drugged up/drunken rants while my mom was at work and i shut my sister away in her room with headphones. i was the one who had to watch him almost strangle our little dog to death, and i had to yank her away from him and run. there's so much more shit like that. him chasing me around the house with a knife, him letting a 26 year old man he didn't know drive away with me when i was 15 and do things to me, him leaving me in a car for half an hour with no ac in 100 degrees when i was too young to know better and telling me it's not safe to get out because i can't be alone in the parking lot. when i did get out, the 100 degree air felt like a cool breeze lol.
i hate that i feel guilty even venting about this now because my childhood really wasn't ALL bad, but both of them fucked me up so much. like i could never let a child go through that shit, looking back i can't believe this is how i grew up. i really wish it did not feel like i remember all of it. my mom is just as guilty for not getting us the fuck out, especially when she was the breadwinner. to this day she still makes excuses about it even though he's dead and gone. i'm only happy that my little sister seems to be alright now and getting even better. omg sorry for the huge dump peeee ew, i know i am not that unique lol
No. 1655446
Don't wanna write the whole thing out because I don't feel like it, but they were always bad to me and fucked up my health that I'm suffering of too many illnesses all at once at 21 yo. And they never take it seriously or take me to another doctor if one doesn't help enough. But when they get sick they go to all expensive private hospitals out there until they get the help they need. Recently mom got some fluid build up in her head because of radiotherapy for her breast cancer a year ago and it made her too sick to maintain the household. Summer break started around the same time she got sick and I had to take care of the hosuechores everyday until we got a housemaid to do it (we're kinda rich/upper middle class). But they still make me do some stupid chores here and there and wait for me to make them dinner or else they would stay hungry and get pissy at me. Just ask the housemaid to make it, wtf? She knows how to cook and can make whatever they want but they want me specifically to do it. And my sleep schedule is too fucked up I wake up at dinner time so I don't have time to make it for them and they get upset about it but then order something online and eat anyway. Then why make all this fuss about it from the start?
On another note I've been struggling with gut parasites for 6 years and lost so much weight and got malnourished from it and I even started developing anaroxia-like symptoms like the cognitive abilities thing and losing my vision slightly but nobody cares and they won't take me to a hospital at all. It got so bad I started having heart attacks at 16 because of it and that was the only time they took me to a doctor, but the medicine didn't work and they never took me to one again. I went to on in my university hospital last year and the medicine worked temporarily but once I stopped taking it, everything went back to how it was and the doctor told me I need to go somewhere where they can do a colonscopy. Mom said no because she thinks it's perverted or something. Dad got a heart disease because of diabetes and high cholesterol levels and they did give him a colonscopy because his guts were bleeding, and yet I'm not allowed to have one? Weird logic. It's like they don't mind me dying of illness, they just want me to serve them and stay their child slave forever. When my siblings get sick they immediately take them to a hospital, but when it's me they tell me I'm delusional, faking it, exaggerating it etc. Sure, I totally deluded my way into being underweight and having below18 bmi. I also have colon issues which make things worse with the little amount of food I can eat and the kinds I can eat without getting sick. All of this is driving me insane and stressing me out so much, I feel like my youth got wasted because of them. I always wish I'll get another heart attack and die from it or at least make them take this seriously. And other times I wish the worms would start eating me and kill me already so I don't have to be a slave anymore. And other times I wish I could kill them but I'll get in trouble for it. I think I'll probably never be out of this situation because I'm too surrounded, so I always wish I could disappear already.
No. 1655490
i read some nonnas posts here and feel very sad for what everyone has had to go through…i was going to close the thread but figured maybe it would be good for myself to write out some things i have been suppressing lately. i also keep saying i will use my diary again but have said this for a year now and seldom use it.
i guess i will just write freely. i suppose i blame my mother and father for many things but with that said i have forgiven and maybe not moved on entirely (because the damage requires a lifetime to mend i think) but i move on every day and i try to remember to be kind while still keeping my best interest in mind. my mother has really mellowed out over the years, similar to my grandmother, though my mother was never as bad as her. my mother still has her moments and childish outbursts but they are less frequent and at least she has ways of coping (venting to family/friends and smoking and being with our dogs i think are the main ones) maybe not the healthiest but it could be worse. what hurts the most is when she feels the world is against her and takes it out on me. i live with her and help her when i can, and i honestly could put some stubbornness aside and help her more, because she helps me a lot even if she was not the best mother growing up and can still be very cruel with her words. i don't blame her as much as i blame my father because my mother never directly did anything to me, it was just all due to her own mental issues and problems at the time. she never had time for me, neither of them did. she was always working or dealing with my fucked up father and she was hurting. i wish i knew that as a kid so i didnt take it so terribly but how could i have? i wish she never put me in the middle from then and even until now, using me as her therapist. the past couple of years i started speaking up and telling her when i feel discomfort or dont want to hear it because its usually very negative or to do with her ex-boyfriend now. i still will listen and help her, but i cannot always deal with being her therapist. i did it for many years! she takes offense still sometimes but i think as time goes and we communicate more she understands where i come from and how i dont wish to be in the middle. it was really hard growing up with her because she was "crazy" she was obsessive and neurotic and always causing fights. looking back i see how she relates to her mother in that regard, but i also think my dad caused her to act out like that and she was just hurting so badly. she does not deal with stress well at all and i deal with it even worse. she used to be so obsessive and sometimes she still can be and i just have to mentally prepare myself and make sure things are kept up with or done in advance so i know i wont cause her to flip out. as a kid i didnt get to do many crafts for example, i mean one mistake or mess was the end of the world and i was a terrible child and punished. i loved seeing my aunt because she let me do crafts or dye my hair and experience all of these fun things because we could just clean up after! i wish she was there for me more growing up. i had a big sister but shed spend most of her time making fun of me or physically abusing me. she cried a few years ago and apologized and i understand it was just her way of acting out in whatever form. theres so much i could say but again i dont know where i would begin or end so i am just writing it all freely. it feels nice i think to get it out. when i move away i dont think ill cut my mom off like i used to think i would considering shes mellowed out a bit and im all she will really have at one point. she was the only person i ever had, as much as she was neglectful and hurtful to me. she protected me from my dad the times she was home, and she got me help with professionals in my teenage years and would drive me to my appointments. she bought me clothes and all that other stuff. she was on my side when she could be. so i do not hold anything against her, and its really hard to blame her entirely i think. she just didnt know and she had so much going on in her own life to be a better mother. my dad beat me and verbally abused me and i repress a lot of it even to this day and even with therapy. i have ptsd, anxiety, depression and i had a terrible binge eating disorder for most of my younger years that has left me with somewhat of a deformed stomach lol. i look like i gave birth and i never plan to! wtf! im at a healthy weight now, but food was my comfort for a long time when i was little. that and the internet. my dad was a very aggressive druggie. he took his anger out on me, and i was very very sensitive and a good target. i bled a lot, had bruises, etc. nothing that other victims of abuse dont go through. i just didnt understand it and id cry and beg him to stop. its a blank hole ive blocked out many details too. he used to be weirdly touchy with me sometimes too, on my breasts and butt and i thought this was completely normal because it was my father. sometimes i wonder if he did more to me, but i know id remember it by now. he used to make fun of me for being fat too, but its like…you did this. and nobody in my family connected the dots ever. that pisses me off a lot. theyd just tell me to stop eating or take food away and id sneak food to my room and hide wrappers and wrappers under my pillows. they just thought i was fat and hungry and that was it not that i was binge eating because i was hurting so bad inside. im so happy i get to learn about nutrition and be healthy now but i wish i knew earlier on so i could have had a chance to be even healthier with a nicer body and i feel very sad because i used to be so smart and creative and maybe this is my own fault i just wonder what happened i wonder if my mental disorders have ruined my brain with age or the ptsd. its just a blur now was this post even worth it for me to spend time writing? i wish it allnever happened. everything else too i went through because of them. mostly i just wish it didnt have such a big effect on me even to this day. ive grown but i could have been more, done more and its all gone now. they put me down so much and for what? i was a little girl how did i deserve to be beat and made from of from this man and my sister that should have loved me? its made it really harrd to express love now even in my 20s but i want to do betteri want to love so hard andn ot be avoidant. he will die with his mistakes. hes never apologized to me once even after i cried and told him why i could never have a relationship with him once he left my mom. but he knows the truth. and i hope wherever he goes upon death, not sarcastically, that it is a wonderful and kind place. he was not shown love as a child and suffered a lot too. but im happy we have no relationship. i think i wont fully be free until i move away from my mom anyway.
No. 1661336
File: 1691789787283.jpg (42.73 KB, 600x361, FGGbXxTXwAQ5vNe.jpg)
I hate my mom. She reminds me of me, though I suppose she was the trainwreck first. Every moment I spend within 50 ft of her drains the life out of me. Picrel
No. 1661350
File: 1691790889574.png (10.98 KB, 525x351, 1506751127142.png)
back at home with my mom and every day is hell. she's an utter tyrant. she has a specific way of doing things, i try to do things her way, she gets mad that i messed up (somehow) and freaks. if i don't do anything, she sulks and claims i'm "lazy". she picks and prods at me like it's her job, i am miserable. and on top of all that she talks SO FUCKING MUCH. she vocalizes her every single thought. it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't mean for these rambling vocalizations to be actual "conversation". if i don't make some sign that i am listening she gets pissy and fucks with me until i notice her…i am searching for a job every day. i want to live alone so bad. she is stunting my growth so impressively, i hate being here. i hate it…
oh and i forgot to mention that she's an incredible christfag too. i love her and all but we really don't need to live together, our personalities are totally incompatible. and i'm 24 now (no longer 16) so she can't trick me like she used to either.
No. 1665689
File: 1692129417742.png (1.82 MB, 1558x1424, Screen Shot 2023-08-15 at 12.5…)
Found this when I was looking for support about dealing with my BPD mom and had a hearty chuckle
No. 1665700
>>1665689>She hung up on you when you said you had to goAlso this happens every time I talk to my mother on the phone. I'll let her go through her one-sided ranting, complaining, gossiping nonstop for over an hour because I assume it will placate her "you nEvEr callll meeee!" complaints. Of course, I never get a word in edgewise, so it's less of a 'phone call' and more of just listening to her circular monologues that go nowhere. So then after an hour or more of this, I'll mention "Hey, it's getting pretty late, and I need two hands to make dinner so I'll touch base later in the week ok?"
Then, finally, for the first time in an hour, it's pure silence because she's boiling herself up with rage. Then,
>"….FINE." clickKek, sweet relief
No. 1814871
i try my very best not to talk shit, even in private. mom killed my pet rabbit, read all my diaries when i ran away, told all her friends (who no longer speak to her btw) about everything i confided in her in private, talks shit about me to everyone in town, defends my pedophile brother, lets my abusive alcoholic dad get away with everything, judges me for falling in love with an abuser when i had that upbringing. does her best to let me know that so long as i live with her, she will spy on each and every thing i ever say or do. while acting like she would never!!!! she actively wants me to fail because she needs me to emotionally support her and it's incredibly fucked up but i will never tell on her because i believe in family. i hate that i have to betray both of my parents in order to succeed because it goes against everything that i believe in life, but so long as i am loyal to them, i will remain a failure in life, and that fucking hurts so much. i have no choice but to leave and hear both of them tear me down constantly unless i completely cut them off and that is so fucked up and hurts so much that it isn't even funny. the most fucked up thing is knowing that human blood loyalty isn't enough. she values the loyalty of a dog over her own daughter. she has always preferred blind worship to genuine human connection, even if she has to get it from an animal. and sometimes innocent puppy dog loyalty, isn't even enough, she hates that too. that's who she is. my entire family, is so fucking unpleasant. it hurts so much to know that my mom, my dad, everyone else, and the man i thought would become my husband, never felt affection towards me, but only valued me for the way that i blindly worshipped them in hopes for a single scrap of affection in return. it fucking disgusts me. i am telling you that if you are born into empathy into this kind of family it is hell on earth, this is fucking hell. it is torture to be forced into psychopathy, just to survive.
No. 1843850
>>1665689I'm saving this chart whenever I feel like reaching to my mother. it has been 10 years since we last talked and her
toxic imprint is just now leaving me so sometimes I feel like reaching out but I know it's a moment of forgiveness and it doesn't mean she has changed a bit.
No. 1943364
narc mom married abusive drunkard 20y her senior at 16 and had my brother and me. we were dirt poor, all memories from this time are fucking bleak. i clearly remember being locked up in a room as a toddler, where i got a splinter from a toy box and started crying, no-one came. one night my dad caught me eating straight up butter, which he encouraged. i also caught him counting big wads of cash in the toilet, according to my mom he had a hidden stash of it behind the fridge he used exclusively to buy booze. the living room was filled from floor to ceiling with empty bottles, and i found a gun in a drawer too.
after some time my mom decided to leave him, and we moved to my grandma's.
mom was never around, working, sleeping or hooking up.
she took me to parties and brought random moids home. i wished for another mom and wanted to become homeless sometimes.
while i was in a creepy ass hospital for hepatitis, she went abroad to a richer country and met this old fart, took my brother and me there asap
next thing i know, i'm forced to clean to ridiculous extents (iron kitchen towels and underwear at night while my mom watched tv) at this point i started to understand that somethig's wrong and often hid to cry. i peed my bed til i was 11, and was shamed for it, the moid threatened to tell everyone in my school. my mom's female friend or herself told me i'd be forced to shower in front of him when i got older if i didn't stop.
while my mom treated me as a slave he surveilled me constantly, looking for wrongdoings and as a result i was constantly grounded for "misbehaving". one time he dragged me to the balcony and said i'd sleep there, when he came back later i didn't want to come out. he tickled me for too long often and i hated it. he forced me to eat bread with every meal for whatever reason (it upsets my stomach), shamed me in front of other adults.
one time my mom recieved a call from a moid she was planning to cheat with, and he had me talk to said moid, arranging a date. i obviously had a child's voice but moid on the phone didn't give a fuck.
when my sisters were born i was forced to take care of them, cook for them, but not allowed to eat "their" food like yogurts and juice. atp i was having loud and long crying spells day on day off, my brother teased and bullied me nonstop too.
i once told my mom that i didn't feel like a person but a dirty rag. i was bullied at school also and simply didn't feel safe anywhere so i started skipping. fast forward, moid dies from stomach cancer. meanwhile my dad had died too, from booze related stuff.
after some emotional incest with my brother, my mom finds new old moid asap.
at 30 after many failed attempts at anything in life i still live with these two, unfortunately. to some extent i sympathize with my mom cause she was abused as a kid, but she has continuously refused to acknowledge any mistakes and learn. she's still trying to make me a live-in maid forever, when she's home i have to bring food and drinks to her bed. at the same time, somehow expects me to find a bf and give her grandchildren (kek)
when she's chairbound in 10 years (her health is deterioraring fast) i won't wipe her ass or be around at all. and i'm very sorry for whoever has to. her current moid had cancer too and has some degenerative brain condition. don't give a fuck. when i was 20 and in psychosis i laughed in his face and he lost it and threatened to drag me by my hair downhill to the mental hospital.
No. 1943631
>>1943364Really hope you make it out of there soon and carve out a happy life of your own,
nonnie.
No. 1944040
File: 1711842125305.jpeg (139.53 KB, 500x506, whatever man.jpeg)
>narc mom, prevented me from having contact with my bio dad so she and my grandparents were my only family
>move like 6-7 times before i turn 10, grandparents live in a different country
>get bullied in kindergarten, but enrol in an elementary school where i make good friends
>mom meets a scorte and decides to move me and my younger brother to a city across the country after knowing him for a couple of months
>am forced to leave my friends and quit my violin classes
>she doesn't bother to sign me up for new violin classes so i have to quit my beloved hobby
>depressed because no violin, having to leave all my friends and my inability to make new friends
>mom's scrote is a deadbeat, sits with a hand down his boxers in the living room and regularly locks me out of the house
>they have a child, break up, ex-scrote moves out and i have to raise my youngest sibling because she works all the time
>mom is constantly emotionally and verbally abusive and ignores me most of the time
>for example, when i'm 13 i have to walk home from a birthday party in the middle of the night in an area where there'd recently been several rapes
>the walk took like 45 minutes so it was quite a distance, she was supposed to call me a taxi but didn't
>i develop serious mental issues and regularly have breakdowns, she doesn't care and instead continues abuse and pressures me to get a job
>i pitifully apply for jobs, but obviously don't get any because no one taught me how to write applications kek
>she eventually hooks me up with a job when i turn 17
>job + uni + taking care of my brother + having a social life is too much
>plan to go straight to uni after high school, but i have a breakdown at 18 because i'm so overwhelmed and mentally ill
>end up staying home for 1 year after graduation because i'm too depressed to leave my bed
>i'm entitled to welfare because i'm unable to work and she wants me to lie on the papers and tell the government that i have to pay rent because she wants money kek
>go to a doctor, get meds, move back to the part of the country where i used to live for uni when i'm 19
>when i'm 21 she decides to move to another country after dating a woman for 3 months
>i get upset because the move is so swift and i don't have the time to pack up the things i wasn't able to bring with me when i moved
>she decides to store my things in a, what i recently learned, is a beat down barn in some mountain
>all my belongings have literally been eaten by mice and/or ruined by the weather conditions
>am really depressed at 21, regardless of the move, and one day call her to tell her that i feel suicidal and don't know what to do
>she tells me that i'm an adult so i have to deal with it alone and hangs up the phone
>when i'm 22 my grandparents, who i felt were like my real parents, and my cat who i had for 16 years die in the span of two weeks
>she ignores me for 6+ months after my grandparents joint funeral even though beg to visit her, my brother and her now wife in their country
>tells me i'm an adult so i have to deal with it myself and says i can't visit because there isn't enough space at their place (which is a lie)
>am completely in shambles, have to spend 1 extra year on my degree because i can barely function as and have no one other than my therapist to rely on
she is a terrible person and i'll never forgive her for all the abuse and neglect. i have come to terms with who she is as a person though, she'll never change and she genuinely doesn't care about me, which is ok. i'm now 28 and have gone to a therapist since i was 18, mainly because of my mental health issues (turns out i have bipolar 2) but also because of my relationship with her and childhood. she has given me serious issues, i have stereotypical avoidant attachment and am still upset because of everything i had to experience as a child. there's stuff i've left out because i didn't want to write a greentext novel kek, but my childhood (especially after the age of 10) was horrible. i have a master's degree and friends and a good cv, but i'm still really dysfunctional. i'm completely unable to have romantic relationships because of everything, i am working on it in therapy tho.
i'm currently low contact with her, but her current job requires her to spend some time in a city next to mine (not far from where we moved from when i was 10, ironically) and she constantly wants to spend time with me when she's here. throughout my life i've never held back when it comes to my thoughts and feelings about her lmao so she knows how i feel about the way she has behaved towards me, but she doesn't gaf. if i meet up with her, she will go on a monologue all about her life and if i try to get a word in about my own life she doesn't pay attention and changes to topic back to her. she spends a lot of time with my other brother (not the youngest one who lives with her and her wife) and repeatedly asks if i want to join them, but i'm like no. but she keeps asking.
the hardest part has def been her hanging up the phone when i was suicidal and idk how can you forgive someone for that? she was 50 when that happened, so it's not like she was an inexperienced child or anything. i feel like lots of people make excuses for their parents by saying that they didn't know better when it comes to abuse or neglect, but truth is that some parents genuinely do not care about their children. and that's just how things are, honestly.
No. 1944824
>>1944791>>1944791Samefag but my mom is a somatic narcissist who I haven’t talked to in years unless I give her money and fawn over potential husband/divorce #5. She admitted to my younger sibling that I was her least favorite because I used to tell her that the men in her life weren’t shit. Thankfully my mother wasn’t violent like my father. The only sibling she currently has contact with is my half sister who is the most similar to her and is also a terrible mother to her own children. You’re always either on her side or you’re the “other”. I actually think other types of narcissists are harder to deal with compared to her. My mother is the type you instantly recognize as a textbook narcissist, always wearing tons of makeup and heels while posturing herself like the “queen” in a fucking grocery store and having that overly theatrical and flirty demeanor. She also hates every single woman and cannot hold a job because she lies about her credentials. The only based thing she does is when she tries to milk money out of stupid men who fall for her obvious trap. She’s a massive alcoholic now which I suspect is due to her aging and almost all of her kids wanting nothing to do with her. I have had a lot of resentment towards other people with somewhat active mothers who take them for granted. My mom only cared about me when I was a cute baby, then when I became a teenager I was dead to her because I actually could see how poor her decision making was and was hardly a fan of the men she would bring around. Thankfully I was never sexually abused by these pathetic men but they could have very well spied on me & my sister and she wouldn’t have cared.
My parents also spent all of their resources on trying to destroy each other than think of how it would affect their kids.
No. 1954942
>>1954916My mom is the same way, sometimes she will break down crying because she feels so guilty for staying with my dad when I was a child and not protecting me, but lo and behold, she's still with him. She's been talking about divorce for 2 decades but always ends up insisting she owes it to him to try again. It took me so long to realize romance isn't supposed to be an endurance test and self sacrifice in relationships isn't some noble virtue. I feel bad for holding it against my mom, but I really think seeing it modeled for me my whole life is why I struggle to leave relationships even when they're obviously doomed. Do you resent your mom more than your dad? I feel like I do, but I don't know why, because my dad was objectively a way worse person. I just feel completely cold and frigid towards him, like there's no love or anything, just numb. But with her, I feel so frustrated and desperate, I love her but I'm so angry with her.
No. 1961814
Anyone is the neglected child of a previous marriage? That's the thing with my dad. He is and isn't present at the same time.
He kinda tried to include me in his new family, but his attempt was so half assed, without psychologists, without recognizing that I was a neurodivergent child and not only a weird one.
Obviously his efforts ended in nothing.
I don't feel any kind of connection with my little siblings and with time he invited me less and less to spend time with them.
Now he is emotionally unavailable, he doesn't have time to share a dinner or something with me, a conversation beyond shallow conventions. He doesn't understand me and I know he is scared of me. Also I know I'm a disapointing for him since I'm not a normal person and at 26 I'm still doing my bachelors degree. I have my fair share of mental and emotional problems too, which he finds a hassle to deal with. I always fought these problems alone, and they are a consequence of him and my mother precarious parenting.
I remember vividly how in nervous breakdowns he in his emotional immaturity will yell at me "stop crying it doesn't fix anything" or last year he told me "I don't know how to help you my love".
He is my economic support, and always been. And He has this kind of guilt where he compensates with material things. But obviously is not enough.
And when I think I had forgiven him, the old wound opens again. Nowadays I can't stop thinking how different would be my life if him, at least, were really present. I had live a lot of traumatic situations due to not know better or seeking what wasn't in my relationship with him. And obviously that worsed my mental state.
I always joke with my father having daughter issues, because he really doesn't know how to mantain a relationship with me or he is afraid of me.
No. 1965829
Nonnies I feel like it’s possible a lot of us lucked out and got low to mid grade sociopaths for parents. Or some other personality disorder. They can deny it all they want but they’re mal adjusted for a reason. They chose child abuse as their crime bc it’s easy to hide. All you have to do is threaten a kid dependent on you for food and shelter and they’ll keep mum. Just because they’re not in jail doesn’t mean they’re a good person. Which is obvious typing that out but I feel like you get a lot of finger pointing and denial from the average person. Like no couldn’t possibly be MY group who I know. Well they exist somewhere right? Chances are high we’re used to speaking a completely diff language and have to reprogram ourselves. At least we’re acknowledging the fucked up ness
>>1955015Your parent was straight up evil. He could’ve technically served time for that. I just want to say secrets keep you lonely and I hope even if you don’t trust sharing this w your immediate fam which is understandable that maybe you could reach out to an addict hotline and they can give you the proper direction to go to. I’m sorry that happened to you.
No. 1970359
I apologize that this is gonna be a wall of text but I gotta get it out.
Over the last two years, I've realized my mom was the worse parent. Which is saying a lot, because my dad was an abusive alcoholic. But I realize now all my bad traits, all my paranoia, was instilled in me by my mother. I know she had a lot to deal with being married to my father. She regretted not leaving him when she had the chance. But I think living in a halfway house or whatever would be better than having me witness gun violence and drug use and be subject to physical and mental abuse from birth. Her own fear kept her from protecting me. And she is just a batshit, crazy person. I try to tell myself that she's been through a lot in her life, but I don't feel like it excuses it. My mother alienated me from all my friends, from grade school even until now, because she was jealous. I was her only friend. We lived very rural and isolated, and part of it was my dad didn't want her to have friends (so she says, I'm learning now that she lied a lot about him) and part she's just insufferable to be around so no one wanted to be her friend. I don't know how to explain this, but she made it seem like I was somehow less than everyone, and yet also better than them. For example, I was poor, hanging out with a lot of middle class girls who were "rich" in my mother's eyes. She would lie and say they all would never accept me, that they all thought they were better than me, that they all judged me, and while she was making me feel less-than, she'd say how much better I am for not being like them. Even after I moved out, she made up crazy stories about my neighbor (who was a girl I went to school with when I was younger), all because I mentioned she seems to come and go a lot. My mother insisted this girl must be a drug dealer and I shouldn't be friends with her. I was so brainwashed, I was like "omg, you're so right!" I realize now, that I am friendless and thirty, that I drove away everyone I've ever known because my mother insisted they would do that to me, or that I was "better" than them because of wild stories she'd make up. My mother also made me paranoid to leave the house, because everyone would want to rob us (even though we were poor??). She would openly make fun of how I look in public. She said weird things about me to boys when I was a teenager, like how me and this boy in my neighborhood would "make cute babies" then turn around and hit me for having a crush on someone. She threatened me more than once when I moved out of state briefly, threatening to call the cops and have them take me even though I was an adult at the time. When I had an ED as a teen she made it about her and that the state would take me and do I want the state to think she's a bad mom for not feeding me? She threatens to drive to my house now because I don't answer the phone. When I was a teenager and she found out I first had sex (I was actually date raped but I can't even get into that) she beat me, destroyed my clothes, and began driving me to school and refused to let me out of her sight. It's taken over ten years to even have a semi-normal relationship with sex from that event and her reaction to what happened. She gave me a gun for my birthday once knowing I'm afraid of them and then made fun of me for not shooting it. There's a lot, some things are just coming to me as I type this. It hurts a lot, thinking that someone I looked up to, the one person that I thought was keeping me safe all this time, from the world at large and my drunk father, was kind of mentally destroying me. I still have a hard time making friends because of her influence and her confusing me so much as a child. The worst my dad ever did was beat me, but she's made me crazy. As it stands, I wish I could break contact, but I am afraid. The longest I can go without talking to her is a week then I freak out and wonder what she'll do to me if I don't contact her soon. She has resorted to calling me with my dad's phone to trick me into answering. She is holding some of my stuff hostage, that I've been asking for for three years, telling me she "doesn't know where it is" or "oh I don't even think I have that" when I know she does. Some of that stuff includes my school year books, that I want really, really bad, but she has always been extremely possessive of things like that, as if it was her that went to high school. she won't even give me family photos. "You will get them when I die."
Sometimes i think I should just write a memoir even though I'm nobody, not even publish it, just maybe the act of getting all of this out like a story might be cathartic. thank you for letting me vent nonnies.
No. 2006143
idk if this will fit in this thread since it's a whole family thing but here
so from the start when I was a baby my grandma kicked my mom and dad out and apparently they wouldn't take me, they just took their computers and somehow cops got called and I ended up living with my grandma's brother and his wife, I remember being locked in the bathroom by one of my great uncle's daughters as punishment with the light being made to be off, fast forward to 11 or 12 my great aunt started babysitting me and all she had in her house was dudes she legit picked up off the street and they all did and made drugs in front of me and she sold pills in front of me, I had a crush on one of those dudes bc he had tattoos and I thought it was so cool at the time and my great aunt decided to call me a slut and a whore for it when he was the one encouraging it saying when I turned 16 we'd get married, putting his legs up in my lap, holding my hand, and walking with me to the mailbox. I ended up living with my grandparents permanently and at 12 my mom left to Ohio for a dude older than my grandpa, and at 13 my dad started molesting me saying he was doing it because I looked like my mom and he'd kill himself if I told, I tried telling my grandma at 15 and she didn't believe me at all and told him and he only stopped when he found his now wife and during ages 16-17 my grandparents got sick and ended up in and out of nursing homes and I started living with my great aunt and her new bf at first was all nice to me and bought me shit while abusing her in front of me, nothing was ever physical, then when my great aunt got custody of me he started abusing me too and ended up raping me and I ended up telling my grandma about the abuse but not the rape yet and she tried getting me to tell my therapist at the time and she acted like she didn't believe me (a whole other story with her, plus my uncle's gf at the time) and my grandma only believed me about my dad when my uncle said he did the same to him and she never tried to comfort me, only him, and she tried to make a police report but they said they couldn't do anything with it because lack of evidence and then later on my grandparents got sick again but I was expected to help with everything while my uncle got a "job" as their caretaker but did nothing but sit on his ass all day and got all the credit for what I did and I got called lazy and my grandma and uncle made sure to tell everyone that I was the lazy one, and then my grandma got cancer, she died then my uncle died and my grandpa fucked off to south Carolina and left me in a broken down trailer with no car, even if there was one I couldn't drive it because they refused to teach me, 4 dogs I couldn't take care of and no job, plus the bf I had at the time who was supposed to help me broke up with me and on top of that my grandpa said he'd come back a month later to get the fridge and washer. It's been 2 years since then, I've moved and life has gotten so much better.
No. 2026912
I feel betrayed by my parents. My dad just didn't care and didn't try to connect since I was 10. He was always fully immersed into his specific interests and I felt like I annoyed him. Never heard anything positive from him, it was wild when my mom said he was proud of me for being interested in psychology and learning to play guitar when I was 12. I don't even believe it tbh. It's better now, but I can't talk with him about anything personal, and I don't even try ofc. I don't want to. Hugging and saying "I love you" is rare and very awkward. It's ok, but it's weird that it's different in some other families. It's actually wild to me.
Mom was warmer but it was kind of shallow. She was mad at me for being too secretive but she didn't do anything to build trusting relationships between us - in fact, she did everything to nip it at the bud. Reading my notebooks and my diary to reprimand me (still thinks it was ok and her only option), saying "nonsense", standing up and walking away with a blank expression when I opened up about my suicidal ideation when I was 13. Always made me feel worse whenever she caught me crying - I had no right in her opinion. She wouldn't say that but it was clear. It didn't worry anyone how much I've changed since I was a child - I used to be such a good student, creative and curious, always in a good mood. And then I wasn't anymore and it somehow made me bad. I just had to return to that state with my own effort. Honestly, my parents were (are?) so dumb in this sense. What I can't forgive my mom for is that after I had told her that my cousin molested me (he was 18 or so and I was 5) nothing changed. I didn't even remember I told her and apparently I did when I was 12. It wasn't violent, he just used my naivety. I didn't tell her everything, probably was embarrassed, but what I told was enough. Apparently she told my uncle and he was supposed to talk with the cousin but I pretty much doubt he gave a damn. Most importantly, my cousin was at our house not once after that and it didn't bother anyone that he'd go to my room, come up to me and talk and so on, he didn't try to do anything, but didn't mom feel protective of me at all? It's so fucking weird. I can't understand it. And they're so self-neglectful, too, I see it clearly now. All this negligence, indifference, and yet everything's "fine". I know there are families with much much worse dynamics but it's still just… so fucking weird and depressive, it's like everyone's living on autopilot. And everything's "good" only because no one yells and there are no conflicts. I struggle to want and feel anything, and I don't truly believe anyone can love me. To me it's just empty words. I don't think anyone cares.
No. 2044061
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My mom is not so bad, I love her. But she's annoying. She really is. I don't like her. I hate how I love her and yet I hate her. I resent her. I dislike everything she talks about. She's enmeshed and infantilizing and obese and stuck in the past. She fucked up my life. I really want to get away from her and yet because of the enmeshment I can't live without her. Has anyone experienced this?
No. 2052250
>>2044061My mom infantilized me too, thank fucking god for my dad getting me out of there and away from her
abusive ass. I just wish he had the guts to leave her.
No. 2052275
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Sometimes I think I shouldn't have to be justified to hate my mom. Sometimes I should just be able to hate my mom because she gets on my nerves. No she's not as terrible as many mothers out there, but everything about her is disgusting to me, her looks, her mannerisms, the things she talks about, her stupid humor, the way she pisses super hard so hard you can hear her from across the room, the news she watches, her siblings, the way she never says no to my brother, the way she made me grow into an useless adult, I can't admit to this and say that looking at her is gross but she fucking is, she really is, but she's one of those connections in my life that I can never cut off because I would always be sad that I couldn't mend things with her. I hate her, I really do. More women should be let loose when it comes to hating their own mothers. She's the whole reason why I never want to live past 40. Even her smell is disgusting to me. The other day she sent me a picture of herself on whatsapp and I immediately deleted it because I was grossed out. I don't give a fuck, I can't be the only one whose mom makes them neurotic like this. Picrel this is how her picture looked like but with lipstick, thank god I got most of my looks from my dad.
No. 2052330
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>>2052268You are a quick google away from finding the answer but this is my experience:
My mom never let me do things by myself because she always thought I would fuck things up. I'm talking about being 28 right now and never being able to use a washing machine because she always drilled in me how incompetent I am and so I never learnt how, I wash my shit by hand. Doing chores but never doing them good enough and to her liking even if you tried because you're just not good enough, so you give up and you just tend to your own things while she complains you're an inept child that can't do shit right. Being fucking 15-20 and not being able to have your own friends unless they go through a mommy approval filter. Her getting mad and screaming if she thinks your friends are hoes because they didn't pass the vibe check. Always yelling if you do things wrong but treating you like the most precious lovely baby when you do things right. Being 28 and her still calling you her precious baby girl and don't you dare touch her things or cook for the family because you're just a dumb child that breaks things. I get called baby girl, princess, little lady, and it all pisses me off I'm almost fucking 30. My brother gets coddled and all his moid behaviors get only quietly criticized when we're alone because he gives her money and she makes herself small to fit him in. Worst part, I can't fucking move out of this hell. My mom calling me cutesy pet names and doing "acts of service" (talking in love language terms of course) sounds like the sweetest thing a mother could ever do, and I agree, it is sweet and nice, but this is exactly what keeps me tied to her and doesn't let me fly away from the nest so to speak. So I'm just here, enmeshed with my own mother, scared of her aging and dying because I can't do shit by myself, while also resenting her greatly. This shit ain't healthy, it might be easy from the surface and to an onlooker I live a happy life. I really don't. Humans are meant to grow up.
If other nonnas have their own versions of infantilization please share. I don't want to feel idiotic and alone for complaining about this, because of course, when you are infantilized it makes you feel like you can't complain at all.
No. 2052379
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>>2052330Samefag I could go on and on and on with my mom's infantilization and emotional abuse I've gone through the years. I am stuck with loving her, it's actual torture because I wish I could hate her but I can't because for outsiders she's a good mother but under all that I know the truth and she's below average if I'm honest. One thing that really affected me was never being able to say I'm sorry to her, because for her saying "I'm sorry" it's like, aggravating, so I'm stuck with feeling like an emotional stunted retard whenever I "act up". All my feelings around her need to be kept inside unless they're pleasant and it obviously makes me boil over like a pressurized cooking pot. No I'm not always angry at her, like I said I am conditioned to love her like a stockholm syndrome, because she ain't so bad and I depend on her. It's embarrassing but I do depend on her (and she needs me too since she's getting older and disabled) and trust me I wish I could move out and be my own adult.
Sometimes I can't help but explode though. Sometimes I feel like I'm gaslighting myself because I do try my hardest to minimize every single thing she has done to me, since she's my mom, and she isn't so bad, and she only did things to protect me. But she failed at that too kek. I know people think being a neglectful and controlling parent can't coexist at the same time but my parents were the prime example of it, plus she was a doormat to my dad and thanks to them fighting all the fucking time I got fucked up. I'm talking actually fucked up. I don't want to elaborate. Parents can love you and care about you and be sweet and still fuck you up. I didn't expect to cry while writing this and I think I need to step out of the screen a little lol god. She reminds me a bit of Mother Gothel from the Rapunzel movie, funny enough she compared me to her once when I got mad at her lol. When she gets mad she loves poking the right places and discharging her rage on you, but then again she can be a very sweet mom too. I don't know. I'll go calm myself down now.
Edit: I just remembered one more thing lol and I don't want to make another post. When I started to grow up and needed to become more independent and my own person (I'm talking 13-14, when shit's chaotic and your emotions and personality is all over the place, plus I was discovering my sexuality and realizing I am attracted to women) she would be like "where is my little baby daughter my good child, you're not her give my precious child back". That shit fucked me up good. Again I could go on lol but alas my self gaslighting will continue because she isn't that bad of a mom.
No. 2074623
I'm autistic, highly sensitive and smart in a way that I always had more consciousness than others(I never even felt like other humans can truly see me due to their lack of consciousness it s weird going through life with this subconscious view of you on relation with others thinking of them like they are more animalistic with their level of awareness than you yet you have to treat them as an authority)
In my environment and wanted to make more conscious choices, outside of the hivemind esp religious or bad lifestyles those humans were having etc, but my parent is a low IQ narcissist who ruined my life and the thing that's most important to me which is myself. I enjoy just being myself the most out of anything else, just my own energy is pleasant cause I'm sensitive and peaceful(while she 24/7 screams and whines and is dramatic and angry at the smallest shit even animals staring at her) but it was took away from me my whole life which makes me feel like I was targeted by a demon considering that narcissist behavior in relation with their target is fucking demonic and unexplainable esp went they come off as normal to others sometimes cause ofc they only act like a demon towards their victim, Jesus. They emotional tie is also insane. This is woo woo but when I sued to research spirituality i saw all these theories about narcissists and how bad energy targets sensitive children whilst they are still in the womb cause I swear I am usually sensitive and pure and I was… Destroyed, there's no me. She succeeded noe there's only the damage she done to me that's all I am right now defined by I suffer those damages everyday, I am reminded of them everyday for the rest of my life?. She also tried to turn me into her. She even mimicks me and engaged in female competition with me, sexually harrased me, it's impossible to have a normal conversation with her, she constantly threatens me with killing herself if I don't wear the right clothes, she blames all her physical sickness on me, anytime something outside of me makes her feel bad she plays the victim of me, I have dreams of her stealing me energy and it feels physically painful, when I am away from her I see her in trees shadows curtains carpets and just anywhere, she has severe gut issues making her neurotic and angry… She hates me for existing she hates the changes this third pregnancy i was in her life at almost 40 did to her body and wished I could end up with sagging skin and destroyed ruined body and teeth and she succeeded in around like 50% dhe never told me how to brush my teeth as a child or buy me a tooth brush, she laughed at how I will kiss boys if my tooth is crooked, she never got me bracked, she pushed me into anorexia then binge eating while calling me fat once then thin again and abusing me for being think then for being too fat in her eyes, she only is satisfied when I'm destroyed enough and she doesn't feel in competition with me and then buys me shit pretending she cares about me. She is also severely mentally retarded/ low IQ lacking self awareness primitive and kinda revolving sometimes reminds me of those drunkard drugtard women with rotten teeth or fat sloppy women sho eat junk or trashy women.
No. 2083757
>>2083742>Why do some parents find it so much easier to blame their kids/the victims rather than the actual problem or perpetrator?Because they're infantile. They don't want to deal with the problem in any way and they don't want to think how they might've contributed to it, for example, by being neglectful and letting a child to be somewhere/with someone alone, or not explaining something that they should've, or making the space safer for them. So it's easier for them to give all the responsibility to the kid.
As for the second part of your post, I think that's how abusers think. Either abusers themselves or those who are protective of their
abusive husbands, boyfriends, sons.
No. 2083759
>>2083742My father claimed
I was the bully when I complained about kids bullying me in elementary. Right, I'm the one calling them names and hitting them or something. He then claimed I was the one purposely seducing boys who would sexually harass me in high school because I was ESL/one of the only
WOC there even though I was 11, barely knew what sex was, and they were around 18
I have a friend whose mother sided with her rapist when she was 12 and he was 23. Absolute vile human beings. It's just easier to put your rage onto the person in front of you rather than their aggressor who's miles away
No. 2083761
>>2083742I can't tell you why any specific set of parents does it, but generally it tends to be because they view children as their property that they can do with as they please, take their anger out on and blame for their personal shortcomings.
It's pretty clear from a lot of parents' behavior that for all the accusations of selfishness when you don't do as they order you to, it's just projection because many of them have kids with the intention of them being their little mini-me avatar or out of obligation, i.e. pretty selfish reasons to have children.
This is in addition to what the other anon said. Sadly therapy wasn't really a thing with earlier generations, you had it if you were "crazy" (as in a paranoid schizophrenic, delusional tinfoiler who hurt others, and usually not even then because asylums and therapy were by and large institutions where you dump and drug uncooperative women) and had to keep mum about it because it was shameful, or you didn't because you're not "crazy" and your parents beat you bloody but you "turned out just fine".
No. 2097404
My mother is an overbearing, hysterical, npd person. I know for a fact that she never loved me and always saw me as a competition. My father was never really there, he had to work away from home most of the time and is now a complete doormat to my mother.
One of the first things I learned was "not to talk about it". It didn't matter what it was, but I just don't have to talk about it. I turned into a very shy child, never making trouble, always staying at home, never speaking up. I was bullied for many years, the solution was to "ignore it", helped very well. My parents, when they both were around, would always fight, Christmas was the most horrible holiday I can remember. My mother would start a fight and then cry about how we children would better not have been born and I had to comfort her so she wouldn't commit suicide (not that she ever tried or ever will). We children even told my parents to finally divorce when we were little, guess what, they are still married, because what would the neighbours say. There are a lot of other things that ruined my brain, but one of the things I will never forgive my mother is how she acted when something got stolen from me.
I was around 16 and at school something was stolen from, something I liked very much and would have loved to keep. When I came home, I was distressed, annoyed and got online, to talk to the few friends I had about it. Later my mother came home. We weren't enjoying each others company for a long time by then, but I had to tell her, because if not, the school would have called. Instead of comforting me and telling me that it's not my fault, my mother started screaming at me for nearly two hours. I don't remember what she was getting on about, but I remember her last sentence "and now you probably go to your room and cut yourself". I have a history of self-harm (no bpd, only depression), I never showed my parents my scars, haven't worn short sleeves for over 20 years around them, but they knew about it and this was the only thing my mother had as final words for me. She never apologised and the next day she acted like nothing ever happend, like she always does. I guess she has forgotten it all by now, only thing she tells me is how "difficult" I was, kek, I never told her about any struggles, she only saw one or two scratches, she doesn't know shit about what I've been going through and never cared to help, because it would have been out of her control if I would grow into the strong and independent woman I am today. If someone asks about my parents, I don't have any, I have one family member left and that's it, I won't talk nicely about my mother only because she brought me into this world. Giving birth to someone doesn't automatically make you into a good person and I would have been better off growing up with my grandparents, idealising a mother I never knew.
No. 2098394
>>2098360That was my reaction too
nonnie. It was in the recommendations and thought it was just gonna be some creepy edgy short but was pretty floored. It made me cry like a baby. Some of the lines the parents say was like they lifted them straight from my parents. Honestly amazing horror because it isn't some made up monster or slasher, it's a reality many children live with.
No. 2109599
I get disappointed when I think of my dad. Before my dad met my mom and had us, he was a stereotypical dead beat dad. He was married a handful of times and abandoned pregnant women in different countries. Looking back on my childhood, it's clear he resented us (and I won't even go into detail about how emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive he was to us). He resented the fact that this time, he was too old, sick, and poor to go back to his passport bro/bachelor lifestyle like he always did. He thinks he's too good for us. So he was physically there but mentally checked out. Whenever I talk to my dad now, the conversation barely goes over 5 minutes because he doesn't even know who I really am.
My mom isn't perfect, but she's a good person who unfortunately got involved with a pos like my dad. Now that's he's old, she cares for him at home even though he doesn't deserve any of it. I think it's ironic how he resents us but he has no idea how my mom truly feels about him. My mom complains to me all the time about what a burden he is and how she wants to live for herself for once. For her sake, I just want him to die already.
No. 2109684
>>2078734This just reminded me of the time I once
masturbated as a teen in the bathroom and when I turned around my mom was peeping through the door (I wasn’t making any sounds and shit). I remembered she left because she knew she was caught and then I turned the faucet off and huddled onto my knees because I felt violated.
>>2109160my mother said that a tampon was the equivalent to losing my virginity. Retarded logic.
No. 2109695
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My mother has been abusing me mainly by blowing up at me and insulting me in very private, sensitive ways my whole life, destroying my self confidence. She also used to throw a lot of stuff at me and would destroy things I cared about, I was a weeaboo so she tore up favorites mangas in a fit of rage in front of me, I had only one good friend so one day she broke a turtle sculpture that she'd made for my birthday, I was maybe 12 or 13. She would isolate me from potential friends, then mock me for not having any, she would use me in arguments against her boyfriends and they to would use me to to insult her back like "you're daughter is terrible at school because you're a shitty mother and a bitch", one of them even brought up the fact that he found out I was watching porn to humiliate my mom at a family dinner, obviously the only one humiliated was me.
Anyway the worst offense happened a few month ago, I went throught the most painful event of my life by losing my first daughter at birth. One and a half month after my loss I took my mother on a trip because I'm a retard and it makes me sad to know she's alone on her annual leave and doesn't have enough money to do anything nice. So me and my husband asked some friends to lend us their beach house for a whole week and we brought her there.
It took her around 12 hours to completely blow up at me, you'd think she would have compassion for her grieving daughter, but no, she insulted me on pretty much any insecurity that she knew I had, pretended to know things that people I love were saying about me that I didn't know. So… My father secretely hates me, and my stepmom also, my mother in law ALSO hates me, so does my father in law and btw the family cat, my father's dog, every single one of my friends, and I guess my dead daughter also would have hated me… She's the only one who loves me basically, and all those people are having conversations between them everyday about how annoying I am and how much they hate me.
When my husband tried to defend me, she threw a CHAIR at him and started punching him in his belly, while screaming like a banshee calling him a "son of a bitch" "faggot" "asshole", and claiming she'd always knew he was going to betray her one day or another, I had to physically restrain her, so she would let him go.
It was very late at night and went on for maybe three hours, because she just wouldn't let us go to sleep, it ended on her saying that since I don't love her and can't forgive her for what she's done in the past (abusing me my whole childhood) I should just stop talking to her till she dies and leave her alone, which is what I've finally chosen to do since she can't even be a decent person when I'm going throught the worst pain of my life.
Anyway pic is how I feel everyday since, I just want my pain and rage to go away.
No. 2109717
What a conveniently timed thread, trying to get my self decline to stop. I realised I was overwhelmed and self sabotaging bc of my shit family and their expectations. In summary
> I was working hard and saving up to get out and the pandemic put a stop to all of that, bought a house w my parents so we wouldn't end up homeless
> was trying to get a better job so I could still move out, but was getting burnt out prepping for tech interviews while working in a demanding job
> My parents had a bit of money still and I asked them if I could resign to study when the market was good. I would still pay my way ofc, but obv if I failed to get a job I was asking them to pick up the slack. They said no.
> I kept struggling to hold myself together and eventually the tech market turned for the worse, I started getting worse and worse at everything while trying to hold myself together. I became super depressed and thought I was lazy and stupid until I collapsed one day and eventually I was diagnosed with serious deficiencies. My family STILL wouldn't let me quit.
> Luckily my old job gave me sick leave but I used that time to study and secure a new job at what should have been my ideal role, because of the lengthy notice, I pretty much had to start working there right away while still sick
> I've slowly been working on getting better while doing my best but the new job is a chaotic startup. literally the week I got there they fired my whole team and left me in the lurch to pick up and develop the whole practice as a junior dev.
> I did my best but now I feel like I'm being blamed for issues the old seniors built into the sw. It didn't even have documentation, the only good thing about this job is I do like my team and I get paid well so I can finally save while paying the mortgage. My parents blamed me for spending too much at my old job but 60% of my earnings were going to the mortgage and I was paying bills + all my own expenses
> unfortunately I am still sick and I'm slower than I would have been in the past, to add its v demanding and they fire ppl easily. It's a miracle I'm still here
> I basically broke down last week bc of the work and family stress and told my parents like an idiot and now they're treating me like I'm diseased. I know I'll have to get a new job eventually but doing well here will help with that.
> on the parents side they see the extra income I have and keep trying to use it for their mortgage or house stuff. I already saved less than I should have bc I was bullied into getting stuff for the house and paying to fix fucked up eork that was done bc my parents were trying to be cheap and paid a scammer off the street to install their bathroom. However I will be coming out of this year debt free w like a year's worth of savings still
> despite being their most functional child they also blame me for my brothers failure somehow, like if I help my friends w their cvs I get bullied to help their loser failsons with theirs.
> Despite the fact that we went to the same university + had access to all the same info and resources + my friends acc listen to me and have all gotten great jobs. On the other hands, one brother is working at my mom's job as a carer which is not well paid here, the other is literally working at mcdonalds with an engineering degree. And I'm the middle sibling of them both this isn't some massive age gap, it frustrates and angers me more to watch them be lazy while I'm practically killing myself to keep everything together
I think the resentment is building more and more and coming out as bad performance at work which literally can't afford. I have a plan to get out and get my own place within a year but it's so hard to keep going in these circumstances
No. 2109751
>>2109695Cut her out completely. She's right about one thing- you should stop talking to her until she dies and leave her alone. You had an awful experience that would shake anyone to the core, you still have enough love and kindness in your heart to think of your mother and take her on a trip with you, and she reacts like this? Fuck that. Stick to your guns and ignore her completely. Block her on everything, wipe all hints of her presence from your life. Look after yourself. I'm sorry you went through all this shit nonna, you never deserved any of it.
>>2109717Shit, that's dangerous. You're going to burn yourself out to the point you give yourself permanent heart damage. Is there anything you can do to make your parents shut up? Anything you bought for the house that you can still return? I'd get your wages paid into a different account with higher interest and transfer the mortgage money and a bit of living money into your main account. Pretend you got your hours cut at work if you have to. The thing is, the house is legally also yours. If you want to be a cunt you can tell your parents that legally you can demand your share of the house in cash so you can buy your own property, you can take your parents to court over it, so if they don't want you to leave them homeless they'd better shut up and help their failsons themselves.
No. 2155621
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my dad told me that he will be the only man in my life that will ever love me but what did his love give me? emotional and verbal abuse and i witnessed him hit my mom. he's the man that has given me the most trauma in my life and i'm expected to be grateful for him. at one point i did want to get married but now i don't anymore. i don't give a fuck about what "love" a man can give me. all the scrotes i've dated have been nothing but disappointments. i'm done with men and i don't need one to be happy. everything i am doing now if for myself and i have never loved myself more. i am desperately trying to save enough money and move up in my company so that i can move out and never see my dad again. even if it takes me 10 years to do, i'm going to do it. i've spent my entire 30 years of life just blindly obeying my dad because i wanted to be a good daughter. now i want to live my own life and have my own freedom. i deserve to do this for myself. i'm not going to allow my trauma and insecurities keep me down any longer.
No. 2201212
>>2156204>>2194301>b-but you should be supporting all women! have some sympathy!"All women" includes the
victim, too, doesn't it? The little girls abused, manipulated, raped etc. I can't stand people with this kind of logic. Man or women, you don't abuse children.
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