/ot/ - off-topic

Parents tried to do a lot for me but then being alcoholics and beating the shit out of one another fucked that up. They should have divorced. My mom tried to leave him once, but my dad put a gun in his mouth and threatened suicide. I think I was around 10 or 11. They always said they’d stop drinking. They promised. My dad was sick and couldn’t work though. They would physically hurt each other and sometimes us, but not that often on us. Plus not really abuse just kinda parental hitting. Police were called often. Mom ended up getting arrested when she hit me once because she was super drunk.I feel bad for that still for some reason.I watched way too much tv as a kid because I was ignored. I got into an abusive relationship because I was ignored. My grades weren’t really important. I didn’t have support in school. I hated my life. Still, they tried to get me into sports or instruments. When I wanted to quit, they didn’t really protest. I wish they would have pushed me more. My sister ended up being crazy psychotic, so she got most of the attention, even though I had extreme paranoia as a child. Didn’t get my anxiety diagnosed until I was 22. I feel like I really was slighted in life. My potential was truly lost. I cope now by ignoring it and trying to move forward.

My family decided when I was ten to move from the city to shit suburbs in the middle of nowhere, supposedly because the schools were better. I went from being an extreme active and athletic girl to becoming a disgusting weeb sitting in front of the computer for hours in the dark because there was nowhere to go, not even a park. When we lived in the city we were in walking distance of piano teacher, ballet studio and occasionally I would take ice skating lessons. In our suburbs none of this was available, so I had to drop everything except piano which my parents would drive me to for an hour each way for some nonsensical reason that I had to do piano, despite the fact that I HATED it and always did. I ended up with 17 useless years of piano that I quit as soon as I could, and had to drop the ballet and ice skating I loved. Ended up developing scoliosis at 13 from lack of physical movement, had to wear body brace and do physical therapy for years which gave me stiff and unnatural body language that persists ten+ years later.Am trying now to go to gym now and get to who I was as kid but I’m old now and some of the damage can’t be undone.

tfw narc parent who also has long term chronic/terminal illness so you can never leave or they will probably accidentally kill themselves or wont go to doc anymore.
i feel like my anxiety is going to end up giving me a heartattack at 26.

>>354825
Let them die.

Ah yes this post was made for me. Both of my parents were narcs, I was the burden child once my younger sister was born. Since I was a toddler, my parents used me as a thing to vent to about financial problems. As I child I constantly knew we were poor, refused a lot of offers, and refrained from going places because of it. When I got to middle school, my parents started to bully me for my appearance. Going through puberty was a bitch because I had really bad acne and hyperpigmentation. My dad constantly told me I was ugly, smelly, needed to wash my face, and was fat. I had moments where I didn't take a lunch to school because he told me these things. He made me believe people were picking on me in middle school, when it was just him doing this, ended up having to go to therapy for it because I started hearing voices. In high school, the financial issues got worse, my dad was frivolously spending money on useless things like designer sunglasses and watches, meanwhile being thousands of dollars in debt. My mom constantly vented to me about how we don't have money and acted like it was my fault. When the end of high school came around, they made sure to remind me to go to a community college because we don't have the money, while also telling me not to waste money on "stupid" classes. While all this was happening, my sister was getting the "good" end of the stick, constantly praised on social media for her achievements. A
She was able to go out with friends all the time, like at restaurants and movies. When I got my first job, I was expected to give some of my earned money to my sister so she can hang with her friends. Meanwhile, my parents told me I had to not spend my money on stupid shit and save it for college classes. At one point, my mom started asking to "borrow" money from me, $20 every week turned into $300. Keep in mind, I only made less than $150 a month, making me poorer because she never gave anything back. I dropped out of college because I just wasn't interested anymore because my parents kept telling me literally every day not to waste money.
I ended up practically escaping from my parents house eventually as my mental health was rapidly declining. Things have been good since I left, yet now and every once in a while my parents try to connect with me like we never had a terrible past. My mom still acts like she did nothing wrong.

parents never said "i love you" or gave me hugs or affection as a child, so now in adult life it turns my stomach when other people give me hugs and i have to force this big fake grin and pretend to like it just to please everyone who's normal with that kind of thing. saying "i love you" to someome is painful because it makes me question if i even know what love is and i feel deeply guilty all the time that since i cant show affection like a normal fucking person that i must not truly love anybody or it would be easy like it seems to be for everyone else.

My dad is a very outspoken political figure in my country. He's always very quick to judge and speak harshly of people in the political sphere, and it stresses me out. He has anger issues, fierce pride and a very argumentative nature, and it's clear to see. I feel like I inherited the argumentative part, but at least I keep my sperging to anonymous forums, I guess.

When his name is in headlines, it's almost never for a good reason. I can't even tell him to lay off, because it's always been like this. When I talk to my mom about it, she always whiteknights him and literally doesn't think he says/does anything wrong, even though most of the country thinks he's a lunatic. He's been in scandals of all kinds, has been the subject of disgusting rumors (honestly, our whole family has. I'm probably the only one exempt because I was very young during the worst of it, and I stay quiet to this day), we've been targeted by people who literally wanted to kill/jail/kidnap us to get at him and had to flee, etc. He's been abusive to me and my mom, too, but I can't even allow myself much time to think about the past for too long when I'm constantly worrying about the present/future. If I do, I'll have a fucking meltdown. The one time I told my boyfriend about what was probably the worst thing both my parents did, I broke down because I 100% intended to LARP that none of it had ever happened, just like they do now, but he forced it out of me. I still act like nothing happened, and it may be the only way for me to live.

I just need to go to college abroad, and I need him to help pay the very steep tuition and visa costs for the college I was accepted to, but the political climate just isn't in our favor right now. I'm so scared my life will go to waste because he had to get involved in our shithole country's affairs. Maybe that wouldn't be a problem in itself, but he simply can't, won't, and has never been able to suppress his less media-friendly traits. His colleagues have been happily using him for the past few decades, too. He's worked tirelessly as a firebrand and a relentless attack dog for his aligned party, and what is he getting out of it? Monetary scraps, betrayal from those meant to be on his side (sometimes the same people he defends and fights for), fairweather friends, false promises, his dirty laundry flown out, constant attempts to put him in jail for shit he's never even done, isolation, all sorts of rights and papers revoked as a result of never-ending "legal investigations", etc. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of hearing about him verbally attacking someone in the news more often than hearing that him and my mom have been talking, I'm sick of his phone being tapped, and I despise not knowing if one day I'll wake up to find out disaster has struck. I'm mad at him for doing this to himself, for doing this to my mom, for doing this to me. I hate that I can't even type out the shit he's done at home because it's been so ingrained into me that it must not be spoken of, it did not happen and that even if it did, it doesn't really matter. I wish he'd at least thought of his family before getting involved in all this shit, and just used his connections strictly for business, not actual politics. Then, I'd at least be able to live my life normally. The way things are now, It's like I'm living in a shitty fucking political drama, and I'm a side character who only pops in to appeal to viewers who are into the retarded ~*poor little rich girl*~/fallen princess in squalor/troubled #depressed youth tropes.

No one I know can relate to any of this, and I feel weird and bad telling them about it. Sorry if this is retarded or sounds spoiled/whiny, I just need to vent.

>>354874
Is your dad Jordan Peterson?

>>354877
Kek, I wish

>>354876
At least give away your continent or country official language anon, it sounds like a pain for you but I'm kind of curious.

>>354891
All I'll say is, our official language is English.

my mom is a selfish alcoholic. she consistently put us in unsafe situations so she could party. she got with an abusive man who moved us to his reservation in the middle of nowhere and allowed us to be abused and in and out of foster care for years. she would cry to us about how we needed to keep our mouths shut so we could all stay together as a family lol. i genuinely pitied her as a child, i thought she was dealt the same hand as me. someone with no power in the situation who was doing her best.

we eventually get out of the situation, i'm the oldest of 7 kids at this point. grandparents buy us a new house, hook my mom up with a job but as soon as things were settled she fucks back off looking for men to drink with, leaving me to look after my siblings. and when she is home she was drunk and useless anyway. once again she would cry to me about how i needed to keep everyone together. and i did. i made sure the kids got to school, ate, had clean clothes, everything. eventually i had enough and left. it hurt so much because my siblings ended up back in foster care a couple months later because she's so neglectful.

i don't really have a relationship with her anymore. as i get older i understand why she might have been struggling but i also find her actions of allowing her children to be physically, sexually, and emotionally abused for years even more disgusting than ever.

i swore i would never drink because of how pathetic of a drunk she was but now i cope with feelings of shame, guilt, and depression with alcohol lolol

>>354903
Are you African?

>>354924
Considering the time zone and that the official national language is English, I suspect it's a Caribbean country.

>aging narc mom gets an unwanted pregnancy with a scumbag she had already broken up with
>decides to keep me because ???? and lets scumbag talk her into getting a house she can't afford in the middle of nowhere
>scumbag and narc argue all of the time and build up their anger waiting for me to arrive
>my earliest memories are dominated by screaming matches and getting pushed around/berated by scumbag
>I didn't ask to be born and you were like 50/50 about getting an abortion anyways but still it's all my fault
>they break up a couple more times over the next two years and I guess scumbag ended up slipping narc a roofie
>after my brother is conceived we see scumbag every 5 years or so for court-related issues; we are family #3 out of 4+, or so I am told. I am child 3 or possibly 4 out of at least 6
>over a decade later narc mom informs my brother that she's 80% sure that he is the product of rape btw have a good day at middle school
>narc mom deepens her debt with impulse buys of pets, gifts, and MLM scams like Avon.
>she keeps the world away so she can manipulate us, classic narc motherhood, classic latchkey childhood. God it would have been so nice to have had friends
>I went hungry often and had to beg to go to the doctor at times but narc splurged on Christmas in order to guilt us spoiled brats
>of course though I was in and out of expensive psych offices and was medicated throughout my childhood though because I'm such a problem child
>narc develops a gambling addiction and has some kind of paranoid breakdown at work which costs her a decent job with 20+ years of tenure
>she lost the house not long after she threw me out at age 18 and now she can't hold down a job. She got fired from MCDONALD'S a couple years ago ffs
>narc is a petty grifter and cat lady now, I cut her off after she screwed me out of my car which I worked for years to get
>scumbag is probably around here somewhere I guess who gives a fuck

I really hate that I can see a little of my story in each of yours.

Mom:
>I used to have bad grades at the end of primary school because of bullying, kept hearing that she is always ashamed of me whenever there was parent teacher meeting
>"Well, you can always go to special needs school, that would be perfect for you"
>used to hit me a lot when I was in primary school, never heard a single "im sorry" after that
>always tells me to take as much money from dad as possible
>when dad left home for days, she kept talking what a damn idiot he is while I was crying my my room and ignored me when I told her to stop
>I never had a choice with stuff - when we were buying clothes and I didn't like it, she would grab me and whisper to me that there's no damn other choice because I am a tall kid
>even now she completely ignores that my bro takes antidepressants and only complains how fat he is
>when sister took dad's side in some argue, she kept saying it's because dad has money
>when dad allowed my 18yo sis to visit her bf's grandma for a few days in a lake area, she called her a slut

Dad:
>kind of dad that works till afternoon - only to eat dinner, go sleep, go buy beer and lay on the couch for the rest of the day
>drinks 4 cans od 10% beer every evening
>barely spends time with you
>at some point starts cheating on mom by being a sugardaddy for a girl barely older that my sis
>mom keep finding empty vodka bottles hidden around house
>some time after I turn 16, he doesn't come back home without any reason or argue (at this point I have been only living with him and mom)
>doesn't tell me where he lives, because I may tell mom
>apparently he (54yo) lives now with 30yo girl and I learned about it one year after their first kid was born
>see him irl once a few months, only for around 30min

>born because parents were late 30s and wanted a baby. they hated each other
>no chance for me to have a healthy two-parent household before im even out
>born and parents move into separate homes. I have visitation with dad
>everything is fine until I turn 5. mom's mental health suddenly snaps
>I was a very friendly and bubbly child. get bullied at school by everyone
>before I was born moms quits vet school, her dream career, for nursing school
>comes home from 10hr shifts and takes her frustration out on me with verbal abuse and not feeding me
>be 7. she goes on to hide me from my whole family until I turn 12. no family member ever decided to check on me
>during this time her mental health keeps declining
>gets mad at me for not doing homework. mad at me for coming home crying for being bullied. etc
>first time she hit me I was crying because I couldn't do my math homework. she slapped me and went to bed after that
>she had a shopping and food addiction. blamed me on her lack of money and obesity. she mad 96k a year but spent it all
>when I was 8 she told me "if you tell anyone how I treat you I'm going to kill myself and burn the house down with you trapped in it". never told anyone
>develop anxiety around this age because of her erratic behavior
>starts beating the shit out of me for no reason. called me every name in the book. her favorite thing to do was pull my long hair
>besides her it's me and my cat. I have some memories of her picking my cat up by the neck and throwing her across the room because she was mad at me
>after she beats me she cries and says "let's go for a little retail therapy". buys me anything I want
>by the time I'm a preteen my self-esteem is crushed. really wanted to work on video games as a kid or be a nat geo photographer. she called all my dreams and ideas stupid. would sign me up for activities and then randomly take me out
>become bulimic at 14. throw up everything that went into my mouth.
>one day someone calls CPS on her the week of finals in high school
>immediately blames me. takes my cell phone away. makes me walk 10 miles home with no cell every day. tells me to not accept help from anyone and that if I do when she gets home she will kill me
>fail all my finals. last day she orders my grandma to pick me up. she doesn't tell me this
>see grandma in car waiting for me. very confused and she says she was told to pick me up
>get into car and have full panic attack and tell her everything
>based grandma takes me to police station for a temporary restraining order
>rule of the order was if my mom came to reclaim me I would have to go with her because of full custody. stay up all night out of fear she will pick me up and kill me
>she never comes
Then I had to go live with my dad in the middle of nowhere and survive on $600 a month and graduate high school there lol. Haven't talked to my mom in 6 years. I am much better and happier with my life

>parents had me as a bandaid baby for their marriage (didn't work anyway) and my sister because I needed a distraction while they fought
>we're poor as fuck
>dad left, we're in contact but don't hear from each other really often
>he wrote me everyday when I was living abroad though
>mom has narcissistic personality disorder, and probably some other stuff too (sometimes she shows autism traits, other times BPD, other times schizo-tier paranoia) and sounds genuinely low IQ
>I used to be the golden child because I did well in school, but after some years of physical and psychological abuse, as well as having to watch parents physically assault each other, my grades started to drop
>I became the scapegoat, with my little sister being the new golden child
>mom tried to turn us against each other and blamed it all on me
>I develop BDD because of her nitpicking and making up stuff about my body and face
>I develop depression
>after hs I get into college, finally can get tf away of her house
>end up dropping out after two years because I lost purpose on what I was studying, meanwhile I found out I have ADHD which, mixed with the fact that I felt the impulse to move even further away from my family, made it impossible for me to focus on my studies
>BDD gets worse
>I come back home
>I find myself trapped in a shithole town in the South, so poor that the only jobs you can possibly find pay 2$ per hour for 10/12 hours a day
>depression intensifies
>scapegoat intensifies, mom blames me of everything, including the fact we're poor
>keeps nagging that I work 12 hours a day
>meanwhile she works a shitty part time for 1 hour and a half a day expecting it to pay for a family of three
>expects only me to actually work and bring money home
>I ask her "Why don't you find a full time job?"
>gets physically aggressive and yells "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? ARE YOU TELLING ME TO FIND A JOB??? YOU JUST WANT TO EXPLOIT ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT"
>calls me a "failure" for not having a university degree (yet) while she only completed 3 years of hs
>I'm 23 but she has the habit of adding one year to my age, she's always done that, so whenever someone asks my age I get confused for a moment before answering… because I forget that I'm a year younger
>little sister develops an anxiety disorder
>narc mom's world falls apart in front of her eyes, because now her golden child is also a "failure"
>says that it would be better if the three of us killed ourselves together
>meanwhile I start to work and save up money to get the fuck out of here, consider bringing sister with me
>sister finally understands how crazy mother is
>we're more connected than before
>however, sister doesn't know the dynamics of abuse very well and since mom often threatens suicide (for the smallest things too) she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming and crying because she had a nightmare where mom killed herself in front of her
>I'm extremely livid for what she's doing to my sister, comfort her and stay strong for the both of us. I keep going, this year I'm going to move out forever no matter what
>she's done fucked up things to the both of us
>when I was a small child sometimes she choked me (always for bullshit, i.e. had a bad grade)
>many other things, I can't write everything, there's too many fucked up stuff
>she's like an alien, doesn't understand love and human relationships
>when I was in middle school I was a tomboy, had many male friends. She insinuated that I hung out with them because "they showed me their dicks"
>with female friends instead she insinuates I'm a lesbian (true though)
>says I have a "face full of wrinkles, grey hair and strabismus"
>me and sister look at each other, uncomfortable but silently acknowledging she's full on crazy
>she literally described herself…
>I'm planning on going back to live abroad, since it was one of the best times of my life and being so far from her was heaven
It looks like a sob story now, sigh. Well, it kind of is, but it's going to be better. This year both me and my sister are going to leave this shithole.

tl;dr: Narc mom fucked up me and my little sister's lives

When I was little I had a passion for photography, and thankfully mom was gifted a film camera that I used. I still have the photos and I'm impressed, especially at two, one of a cat and one of my grandma. Mon preferred to spend money on her alcoholic bf so I never had an iPhone or a digital camera as a teen.

Also, she wasn't helping me deal with puberty. I had to learn things the hard way. I swear my son will get all my help when dealing with acne, BO and hygiene.

She thinks I should wait until I'm 40 to have kids, because that's what she sees others are doing. Glad I didn't listen to her.

She's overall a toxic person, I'm hoping somehow I'll buy my own place one day, so we won't bother each other with our presence once she is retired and comes back home from working abroad.

>>355147
>omg she let me use her camera to develop a hobby as a kid, but it wasn't a ~digital~ camera
>omg I didn't have an iphone as a teen
>omg she said to ~wait~ to have kids
I mean… not that she wasn't terrible, but the examples you chose make you sound like a spoiled fucking brat.

I recently realized just how abusive my mother is and how normalized it was to me. I'm still having issues with it because when she's calm, she's the best mother on earth and she can be simultaneously a loving, warm and caring person and then turn into a complete monster at the drop of a hat.

>Threw my pet rat along with the cage outside of my window because she was mad I didn't clean out the cage in a timely manner of her choosing.

>Threatens to release my pet birds outside so they get eaten by a cat because I'm being "disrespectful" to her simply for being a lil grouchy

>Still tries to hits me "aka discipline me" at 21, tells me she's going knock my teeth out

>Legitimately uses/believes the "I'm the mom so my standards/hypocriticalness is completely okay and you can't tell me shit about it otherwise it's disrespectful"

>Doesn't understand what no means. If you say I don't want to talk about X, she'll hound you, guessing off what it could possibly be and refuses to let up, and if you tell her and she doesn't agree with it she'll just say "you're not using common sense/living in reality/stop being stupid" and then proceed to give you a shit ton of speeches of what her ideas as to how you should think happen.

>Can't fathom people doing things differently because of how they were raised and anything that she doesn't agree with, they're wrong.

>Expressed shock and disbelief that I once defended myself against her whipping me with the cable tv cord when she was going a lil overboard and then when she talks about this she goes "I CANT BELIEVE SHE HAD THE GALL TO TRY AND STOP ME, I AM HER MOTHER AND SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD BE EQUAL TO ME?" She had a fucking panic attack, BECAUSE I STOPPED HER FROM HITTING ME AFTER SHE HAD BEEN ALREADY WHIPPING ME FOR A WHILE and then because somehow when I stopped her she developed a bruise on her wrist from the whiplash (I never put my hands on her, I only grabbed the tv cord) she sat there in the most hurt voice telling "look at what you did you hurt me" while I was sitting there with at least 20 different welts with broken blood vessels all over my body

>When I was 5 years old, I learned about cps and how if you get hit/abused you can call. She told me that if I called them they would take me away from her and I would get raped, molested and no one would love me like she did and they would just use me for money.

I WAS FUCKING FIVE.

>Brags about keeping me "under control" to people and that "MY DAUGHTER WOULD NEVER DO X, SHE KNOWS BETTER. ILL KICK HER OUT/DESTROY HER STUFF"

Am I coping? Probably, It took me this long to realize just how fucked up my childhood was and I'm not mentioning a lot. She's stifled my independence a lot by being super over controlling under the excuse of being "protective" and has pushed so much of her trauma in her life to me and never has given me breathing room.

No wonder I don't want fucking kids, I thought maybe it was just me being a modern womyn but no, it's because my mom is a fucking nutcase.

I also thought that I was cruel for not being as affectionate with her anymore and how I barely enjoy being around her/feel very cold/numb when I think about her and then it's nahhhhh, that's not my fucking fault.

Planning to stick myself in counseling soon since I'm dependent on her financially/live with her (Shit ton of medical issues have also kept me from going forward)

Oh also. She refused to let me get vaccinated after like 3rd grade and I've been trying to get my vaccines but no car and no social circle irl that can take places and uber here is too expensive. Kinda fucked.


If any of you see on the news.
"Daughter bludgeons mother in horrific attack" waddup

>>355147
>my son
Uh, are you a male?

>>355214
nta

>She thinks I should wait until I'm 40 to have kids, because that's what she sees others are doing. Glad I didn't listen to her.

>>355119
More abusive shit
>hyper controlling, you have to go to bed and sleep when she tells you to, despite being an adult
>zero privacy, our apartment is small and the doors have locks but the keys have always been hidden who knows where, because she wants to be able to walk in on you whenever she wants - yes, bathroom included
>says I'm strange for not wanting two other people in the toilet at the same time I'm there - "Anon, we're all women and we're family!"
>says I'm crazy for kicking her out of the toilet because as much as I try to, I can't pee with someone else in the motherfucking room
>says "all the other girls are better than you" and brings up girls who grew up in a stable, normal, loving family environment to make her point that they -somehow- ended up with a well adjusted life and I'm not there yet (who knows why…?)
>believes she's been too soft and both me and my sister are spoiled brats (the audacity)
>paranoid, thinks that people conspire against her
>thinks that people look down at her and ignore her because I don't have a degree
>wants me and my sister to become teachers for disabled kids, just because one of her sisters is doing that and she envies her life because stable job and "wealthy lifestyle" - forgetting every time to mention that my aunt only earns 1400 per month and can only afford to travel so much because her husband is rich
>"money is everything"
And you know what's ironic in all this ordeal? That despite everything, I have pity for her. She expects me to take care of her financially when she gets old, and Stockholm Syndrome me would do it.

>>355233
Ugh, not getting any privacy at all sounds so claustrophobic anon, can you move out soon?

>>355233
she sounds insane i hope you manage to get out of that situation :(

>move around a lot from a young age
>parents have a messy relationship and get divorced when i'm 6
>brother and i are biracial, but have very different features
>hmmmmm…….
>mom tells me we have different dads when i'm 11
>apparently my (step?)dad hated me and almost physically assaulted me when i was a child, fun times
>brother regularly visits him, while i never see him after my mom tells me the truth
>have never met bio dad and know nothing about him, don't care much either
>1 year before the dad revelation, mom moves us across the country to small town (where most people are racist) so she can live with a guy she has been dating for 3 months
>gets knocked up
>3 kids by 3 different men
>breaks up with bf after 1 year
>falls into deep depression
>i have to step up and take care of my baby brother
>have to deal with her verbal and emotional abuse for years
>develop ed, start self harming, get extremely depressed and anxious
>mom doesn't give a shit, is in a new relationship and again moves to another place. leaves me and older brother behind.
>somehow get through school, currently working on my bachelor degree

bonus: my mom is bi and i'm pretty sure she dated some of her female "friends" who would come with us on vacations.

my mom is the coldest person i know. the only people who helped me through all of this were my grandparents. sadly both of them passed away at the same time. when i asked my mom for support, she ignored me. their deaths were traumatizing and i was terribly afraid that someone close to me would die, as i only had my mom and brothers left, but she would literally ignore my calls and texts for several months.

my childhood was so fucking messy, but because i've always been a responsible "good girl" no one noticed afaik. i'm doing fine now, but i often wonder if my childhood neglect and abuse fucked me up for life. i'm unable to feel/express emotions like anger and rarely get attached to others. idk i'm just afraid that this is going to prevent me from ever getting a bf or something. i'm in my mid 20s and have avoided dating like the plague because my mom really fucked up my view on relationships. they are more stable now though, and i don't have daddy issues which is nice (thanks to my grandfather for being an amazing father figure).

anyone else felt ashamed of their parents growing up, to the point where they would do everything in their power to keep them/info about them away from their friends/classmates? i avoid mentioning my parents in conversations, but i'm still terrified that their negative traits are going to put me in a bad light. sigh.

>>355239
>>355378
I'm working on it! Last spring I left for some months to live in another country and I really liked it. My mood improved in a dramatic way, I had a healthy lifestyle and even a new circle of friends. It only confirmed to me what was (and is) really holding me back. Right now I'm saving up to move in a more permanent way. I might even go back to uni once I'm there.
For anons in a similar situation, my advice is to read about manipulation tacticts and people's experiences with abusive parents. Once you can individuate all the abusive/manipulative behaviors in a clear way, their words won't hurt you and get to you as much as they did before. You will know how common is it for abusive parents to behave in a certain way, almost textbook-like, and that it's not your fault. For years I believed that my mom was just "strict" and that it was all normal (I remember thinking that being choked by a parent was normal because I saw it on The Simpsons), until I grew up, and had psychology classes, and heard about other people's families, and opened up to my friends about my own family only to see their shocked faces.

>>355606
That's my dream, to be as far away from my parents. I happen to live in my own house, but my parents are a 5 minute drive away and they still love to manipulate me. The biggest one was the fact they bought me a new car. I never asked for one, but I really needed one that worked well and I knew right away bullshit was abound. Their attempts to "communicate" with me increased, mostly them going "you never come over/text us!" Shit made me feel hopeless. Now I feel like I owe them something all the time, it sucks. I thought leaving the house would stop the controlling, but they gave me a nice car.

My parents gave me social anxiety issues because they always talk shit behind their friend's and family's backs.
They even do it barely 2 metres away from the person too. One moment they'll be chatting to them and the next they will have turned to me and slagged them off.
I'm getting over it now by trying not to care what others think but it still makes my guts twist when they do it.

>>354814
I've heard about and feel for anons with narcissistic parents. Do any anons have narc siblings? My sister tends to say awful things to me to try to knock me down out of jealousy. She hates to see my younger sister and I doing well although she's doing perfectly fine herself. We've been nothing but kind to her and we still have many nice moments together so I can't hate her. Since I see this as a vent thread I'll continue on the topic of parents, my dad is awful (blames his problems on anyone but himself, refuses to think of himself as anything but perfect and won't acknowledge his mistakes. He needs therapy but thinks he's some god who is always correct and everyone else is stupid for not being able to stand him. Imo He's a lost cause who can die unhappy since he refuses to seek help.)

My parents while not straight up abusive, they were low-key neglecting me and my sibling. Breakfast was at 10 to 11 am because my mom wad to lazy to get up. She'd get up at 8 am sometimes, but only make us a small snack and go 'meditate'. Because of the fucked up morning we would skip lunch, but my mom said "since you didnt move around in the day you dont need lunch".

My mom would also leave me and my sibling alone for 2 to 3 hours so she could 'meditate' (sleep). My moms always took these meditations in my memories so I don't know when she started. I have a memory were my mom said 'I woke up to you making a big mess'. It was about a photo of me when I was crawling. So my mom left me alone for an hour out of my crib when I cpuld only crawl.

Finally I found one of my moms old journals and looked through it. She lost her temper at younger me and punched me(she never hit me when I was older). I have no memory of this, but it was in he journal.

my dad was cult-levels typa crazy aswell as a giant fucking abusive asshole and my family enabled his behavior. my relatives, siblings and me are either traumatised, psychotic or surpressing all their shit now. I'm a badly-adjusted adult in recovery of basically my life and it fucking sucks, relearning everything a kid and teen normally learns in a healthy manner. I just wanna do art and survive but I'm living in this social reject NEET bubble trying to recover and lead a healthy life. It's hard and I'm confused

>>354820
I can sort of relate to this.
My family were always poor during late 90s/early 00s. They found a cheap housing in a very shitty place - there were no neigbours nearby, we had no electricity and plumbing there. Of course, little by little the living situation has gotten better, but not living in a populated area fucked me up. When I was a small bean, like 9-10 years old I wanted to do many things, but because my mother didnt have a car I couldnt attend after-class activities. When I was 12-13 I joined handball club, but had to quit a month later because I had no way to get home, and also I had to come home early during the winter because our house ( more like 2 rooms that we slept in) were heated by an oldschool furnace. Then the bulllying came, switched schools, got sick the same semester, never found friends, spent my days playing vidya.
And now I guess I suffer the consequences of such life - I have no friends, use video games as a coping mechanism, got diagnosed with depression, have this bitterness towards my parents, but not only because of that, but I don't feel like typing anymore, yet.

My dad was an alcoholic narcissist and my mom was his doormat growing up. He would drink heavily every night and then start fights over stupid shit that always escalated into screaming, crying, breaking things and hitting my brother and I. He was also extremely conservative and spiritual. He emotionally abused us, taunted us into arguing back, and once we did, he would physically punish us (spanking, then pushing and slapping across the face when we were older, and one time he pinned me down and poured tabasco sauce in my mouth).

I have a memory of being around 5 or 6 and hearing them having a screaming match. We came downstairs and there was broken glass and shredded cucumbers all over the wall and my mom was sobbing hysterically and her arms were covered in red marks; it was pretty obvious that my dad had thrown a salad bowl at the wall by her head. When we came down, he grabbed a big bottle of soda and hurled it at us in the hallway and it exploded, and he screamed at us to clean it up. Back then I didn't realize it, but looking back it was obvious he used to hit her as well.

We were one of those families that seemed perfect on the outside; my parents had good jobs and were well off, we had a big house in a nice suburb and we wanted for nothing - which is why I struggled with the idea of my parents being abusive. If my parents were providing for me, was it abuse to scream, belittle and hit us? It's been hard for me to reconcile. My therapist was the one to finally point out that yes, I was abused, even though my family fed and clothed and sheltered me.

The only time my mom stood up for me was when I started showing signs of severe depression and started talking about killing myself when I was around 14. My dad would scream that he would divorce her if she took me to therapy, but I guess the idea of killing myself was scarier than him divorcing her so she took me anyway. I realize now that he was scared I'd tell her what he did to me on a daily basis and that there'd be legal consequences for him. But I was so scared that it would be my fault that I "destroyed" the family that I never said a word about the abuse.

When I was 20 I moved out even though my job barely kept my head above water. I lived paycheck to paycheck and was still late on bills, and I could never afford to put more than a couple gallons of gas in my car at a time. It was a really dark time for me. Eventually I transferred out of state and made enough money that I could start a savings. Two years ago I moved abroad to be with my LDR and I'm still here today, as far away from my family as it's physically possible to with the support of my husband.

Even now at 30 I still struggle a lot with the idea of being abused and feel guilty about saying anything, there's still this nagging idea in my head that it's just first world white girl problems and that my abuse wasn't serious or real.

My life is pretty good now and I'm NC with my family, but I'm pretty severely depressed and anxious and did wind up being diagnosed with BPD about 5 years ago. I have done a lot of DBT and cope ok with it, but I honestly feel like no amount of therapy will ever fix me. I feel like a completely broken human being and find it really difficult to relate to most people. Sometimes I feel borderline autistic because of how detached I feel from others.

My father is an alcoholic who used to heavily gaslight my mother (she's 11 years younger than him and was very naive when they first got together), start fights and make it look like it was her fault for reacting hysterically, was an overall snake and liar. He couldn't use any of that cunning to make a regular income, because his lies could easily be seen through by anyone with an ounce of common sense, and forced my mother to quit her job because he would leave me and my brother alone and go drinking all day, then hurl insults at the nanny who actually did take care of us.

Fucker stopped all that after my older brother hit puberty and was strong enough to threaten physical harm against him if he continued being a manipulative cunt, but he's still a lazy bastard who doesn't put in the effort to get to know his kids and then wonders why we don't talk to him. He sits in front of the TV all day, letting his brain rot, wondering why his colleagues and neigbours don't associate with him when they have ambitions and hobbies of their own. He thinks he's owed respect by virtue of existing. When he dies I don't plan to attend his funeral.

>Mom is classic narc from a broken home, dad is a sociopath from a workaholic family.
>Always hated each other. Had a kid anyway.
>Dad tells mom to "get rid of it" because she was unfit to be a mother. True to this day.
>Mom has kid anyway, dad didn't come to hospital for the birth, didn't see kid for days after birth.
>Dad eventually takes to being a father and starts working harder to rebuild house to be fit for child and mom who was recently diagnosed with MS.
>Mom has been cheating on dad for months prior. Eventually kidnaps kid and dog with pizza man she was cheating with to go live at his parents house.
>Court ensues.
>Joint custody.
>Years of growing up between two households that hate each other and the need to lie about everything to avoid shitstorms.
>Mom begins to become abusive after half brother is born. Blames first born for MS, beats first born in front of second born as an example of how not to act.
>Teaches second born to shit talk first born due to having a different father/family.
>First born diagnosed with PTSD and depression. Mom verbally and physically assaults kid for daring to think there's anything wrong with them a la "You don't have it nearly as bad as me" narc rant.
>Alcoholic step father/the pizza man from childhood cheats on narc mom. Narc mom takes it out on children but proceeds to forgive alcoholic.
>Mom threatens to kick first born out dozens of times from early teens to early twenties.
>First born becomes numb to this, rents a Uhaul, leaves, and couch surfs until they can afford an apartment with their soon to be fiance.
>Mom is now shocked that first born has not come crawling back, stalks first born's online presence until they remake EVERYTHING, and still plays the woe is me card about the scenario regularly.

Sociopath dad is still just kinda there. Crashed at his place for a bit when the kick out happened, but I can't say I consider him a "dad". More like an odd uncle. Better than crazy bitch, money stealing, narc maternal figure at least. Anyone who can't even raise a dog sure as hell shouldn't have a kid, my old man was right in saying she wasn't fit to be a mother.
Thanks for "raising" a mentally broken, self worth lacking mess of a human and thinking you deserve the world for it you absolute cunt.

My parents were both hardcore drug addicts and used heroine and speed while I was growing up, my mother developed extreme paranoia and would tell me my dad would hit her in her sleep and make me feel for bumps that weren't there. She jammed knives into the door frames and trap me in my room, scream at me for hours over dropping a spoon ect. Her voice was so shrill and striking I still have dreams of her shrieking my name to this day, my dad was a lazy selfish teenage who would just play games get high and go out to screw other women. Eventually he gave my mom hepatitis C and she kicked him out after years of fighting and drug use she tried to get clean for me but the minute she had a new abusive boyfriend she went back to the drugs and eventually ditched me completely. My father was barred from seeing me and I remember he'd call and tell me how his foot was rotting off or he was going to kill himself. To his 16 yo daughter. I don't talk to either them at all because they'd come to my work and my house screaming and trying to stay over because they were always getting kicked out of places, I was practically the adult of the house at 14.

Samefaggin cuz I forgot to post how I cope as an adult haha
I'm proud of myself for not going into hard drugs like my parents but growing up i abused liquor and weed a hell of a lot and didn't care about myself one bit. I became suicidal and diagnosed with clinical depression as a late teen and now in my mid twenties..I'm doing a lot better, sometimes i still cry for no reason and want to die but im used to it now lol who doesnt feel like that nowadays anyway?? I have a stable job and many describe me as always happy, I'm trying to forget my parents and move on after multiple times of trying to get them clean and them dicking me around. You cant help someone unless they want it, I learned that the hard way.

>>354865
Pretty much this for my parents except the financial problems. Instead they blamed me whenever any sibling got into trouble.
Also
>had enough money to pay for shit tons of baseball equipment and trips for siblings but wouldn’t buy me a musical instrument
>out of 60 kids 3 of us had to take art because parents wouldn’t buy us instrument
>wouldn’t go to my graduation/ pay for yearbooks but went all out for siblings
>younger brother laughed at me one day telling me he could shit on my pillow and neither one of my parents would care
>later same brother beat the shit out of me so bad I had two black eyes and my face was badly swollen. Started hyperventilating and having a panic attack after it happened and my dad said I was faking it for attention.
>I wasn’t even taken to a hospital that day or my brother punished. My mom took me to a GP a few days later who said I could have died from a concussion and that my brother is likely to do it again and kill me. They didn’t do anything and they make jokes about it.
>got straight A’s all through high school and parents couldn’t give a shit. Forged their signature on report cards because they knew I was able to and were too lazy to look at my shit
>parents hated each other btw and dad would always say I looked and acted just like my mom (who he would always say was ugly as fuck and crazy)
>when I went to get a haircut I clipped a picture from a magazine and my dad said “you know that hair isn’t going to change your face, right?” I was 10 btw.

I haven’t talked to my dad in 7 years (he wanted nothing to do with me ever so he doesn’t care). I’m the only one that will talk to my mom besides my heroin addict brother that she enables. My other brother just started talking king to her and she just gave him $10k for no reason. He told me a couple months ago and now I wish I could cut contact again. She stays at my house when she comes over here for one of her businesses and is just such a toxic negative person it’s draining to be around plus I’m a germaphobe and hate people in my house. The only reason I still contacted her is because she paid for my college and made my dad stay in one of his empty apartments he used to not be with the family when my brother was assaulting and harassing me. And she was the only one that remembered my birthday and bought me presents because she felt bad that my dad didn’t.

And about my heroin addicted abusive brother
>had learning disability and was going to be held back a year
>parents decided to pull him out and my mom (no teaching skills) teach him two years in one so he “wouldn’t be bullied”
>constantly screamed bloody murder at him and made him cry all day for a year when he was six
>was in the office with my dad while he was on speakerphone with his parents listening to my brother get verbally abused and laughing about how crazy she was
>my mom would take us on 4 hour road trips to her parents constantly and rather than get screamed for having to pee he would pee in his pants a tiny bit, let it dry and pee some more
>mom would lay on the couch all day and then seemingly out of nowhere one day grabbed a knife and chased us up the stairs and we got into the bathroom and locked it until she went away.
>you could say you were hungry and had to pee and sometimes she’s happily pull over and get fast food and let you pee or she’d scream bloody murder. Same with something you said.
>she’d turn up the heat really high, blast the music, and scream sing songs in the van because I told her to stop/I was too hot. I was 7 so too dumb to realize letting her know that it bothered me was stupid as fuck.

Tl;dr bunch of terribly disorganized rambling

>me and my mother had an awful relationship when i was younger and everything was strained because of it
>my dad was straight up abusive to my mom when they were married they divorced when i was 5, as well as locked me in my room whenever he partaken in various vices and drugs because he thought that was the proper way to shelter 12 year old me instead of not doing drugs two saturdays a month
>even though i was vaguely a little shit, even looking back and talking to other people, people still think my mom was in the wrong for the severity of her actions of treating a 12-16 year old
>she was aware of being groomed online but did nothing to stop it
>fast forward to college in 2017-2018, end up opening up to a group of friends about the various traumas
>end up moving in with friends because i couldnt afford school dorms or living by myself
>get deathly sick (acute myocarditis/pneumonia) that results in me getting into the icu
>one of my friends decides to confront my mother for how she treated me and not coming to the hospital when i was experiencing heart failure
>i understood she couldnt drop everything to drive 2 hours, said friend ended up blowing up in the icu when i was in surgery to my mom, exaggerating a lot of the abuse i went through to her and telling her she takes care of me better than my mom did
>she also is bringing up said abuse and grooming in front of my 10 year old sister
>after surgery and sedation i wake up to my mom lashing out at me, my friend trying to seduce my abusive biological father because they both hate my mom
>this results in me ripping out my intubation which fucked up my throat
>told my friend that basically none of the stuff she did was appropriate, explained a lot of abuse dynamics and how it will worsen what i was trying to ammend, she blocks me
>had to grovel to my mom that her manipulative actions when i was younger were actually okay because if i say otherwise shell just lash out at everyone
>now my mom STILL lashes out at half sister (the 12 year old) for getting celiac and being upset that she cant eat what she wants anymore
>highly considering just cutting off from everyone since my mom wont change, my biological father hasnt changed, my stepdad hates me because im not his blood and im gay
>only staying in contact just because of sheer worry for my sister

i really just needed to get the last few months especially off my chest, im still on heart medication and speech therapy from ripping out my intubation 4 months later.

> narc mom

just when I learn to not mind to inconvenient someone, because I was raised never to do so but that doesn't translate well to adulthood my mom comes in to lecture me not to ever inconvenient the neighbor again for picking up a parcel for me.

Sorry, that I excist and that someone dared to ring the door bell at their place.

I hate how much she is always making a big deal out of things so minor when it comes to me but never when it comes to her.
The older I get the more I hate her.

Anyone here feels bad at the thought of looking like your abusive parents? Thankfully I don't really look like them, but sometimes I feel like planning to get plastic surgery to wipe out the few similarities I have to my parents. The nose will be the first to go, it's the same type as my dad's family.

>>358381
Not looks but behaviour and name. I'm scared of acting like them and I'm considering changing my last name. I don't like sharing that name with them. Has anyone here done that? It would be natural through marriage but I don't know when and if that would happen.

>>358381

yeah me too. apparently i'm the spitting image of my narc mom and i hate it, like the only time i'm comfortable with myself is if i have a completely different hair colour and am wearing enough makeup to forget about some of my features. dad always reminds me too which sucks because he hates her guts so it just makes me automatically feel like he should hate me too. i'm too much of a wimp for ps though. always sucks when i'm back in my hometown and people mum knows always comment on 'how well i've grown up to look like her'. ugh no. she might be conventionally pretty but making me feel even more connected to that monster sucks so much. /vent

perfect image for the thread, 10/10.

also does anyone else deal with a semi-anorexic mother who put makeup and shit on them from the time they were two years old?

>>357126
What about your mom? From the story it doesn’t seem like she deserves no contact :(

>>356814
She was probably depressed and tired. My dad was like this too. Not excusing her, it’s sad and a shame. I feel bad in a sense.

Tfw you’re getting in your thirties, moved away, got a decent job, and started to get debt paid.

Realize that home state is one where they can go after the children for money if needed for care. Knows Mom dips into her 401K in her mid 50’s. Knows brothers a piece of shit with 6 or 7 fucking kids to pay child support to.

I’m so fucked.jpg. I guess its nice she got an adult to take care of her all her life, huh. At least someone did. No wonder my dad left the country.

Fuck I hate them both, the fucking garbage cans they are. Only good thing about the shut down is knowing that mother fuckers coastie retirement check ain’t going through.

I hate how bitter it’s made me feel, but it’s given me the balls to not put up with bs.

>>358381
There's times when I talk and I can hear my mom's voice with the way I say certain things. It makes me feel weird.

>>358439
Me too! She’s deceased though, so it kinda feels special when I think about it.

>>358423
Anon, you’re badass af.

I hate my mother. She's so boring and never talks but when she does, she's swearing and bitching up a storm about some dumb miniscule shit that doesn't matter. She's ALWAYS so negative and miserable. Don't even get me started when I go out somewhere with her and she's bitching out loud in front of people and about people, it's really embarrassing. I don't know if she thinks she's funny or cute or badass or what, but she talks like a cunty teenager.
She's never treated me well and has always emotionally, psychologically, verbally, physically abused me and neglected me. She genuinely makes me want to kill myself and I discovered recently that she's the only root of my suicidal tendencies.
She also stole around 12k from me but I won't go into that again because I've already talked about it here before.

>>358515
We must have the same mom, anon. Mine is the same way, she fucked my education, jobs and credit by gaslighting me with that "cunty teenager tantrums in public" shit all over our small town. I'm 26 and I still feel like I'm living like a 12 year old because she won't allow me to build my independence so I can't leave her. And, since there are basically no financial aid programs to help women get on their feet who don't have kids who aren't being beaten or don't have a paper trail of their abuse I'm starting to seriously consider killing myself bc she wasted my loge, cost me evrything and everyone and I'm sick of watching everyone shoot through life happily while I have to struggle to keep my head above water and not feel like shot for existing.

sorry for blog, this thread is making me realize I might not be the worthless, unlovable waste of organs my mom conditioned me to think I am & that I might actually leave this state and find real friends and a new family.

Jeez, makes me feel luck about my parents when I see this thread

I’m NC with both my birth givers and finally moving on the shit they did.

Thank god it’s over

>>358549
i'm happy for you anon, going NC is hard esp when people around you pressure you to do otherwise bc "muh blood is thicker than water" and shit, at least in my experience.

>>358515
Narcs who steal money from their children are the worst. They do a really good job in making it seem like they deserve it and lying about how it'll be for the better. Slowly you realize you're being used and now miserable because of the mind games they played on you.
Getting therapy helped me a lot, but I wish my parents were the one who got it instead. My mom, the biggest narc in the family, thinks the only person who needs therapy is my dad. Total projection.

>>358549
both of mine are narcissists as well. hope your life's better

>>358515
my mom stole part of my inheritance money and also took out credit cards in my name when i was a teen.

>>358533
Yup, she delayed me being able to drive and go to school. I STILL don't have a car and am only starting school in the summer. She took all the money I busted my ass for over the years at garbage retail jobs while she sits at her cushy office making triple I did and she had the nerve to take it all to pay for her bills, credit card debt, and other mistakes behind my back. I felt fucking sick when I found out and knew she really didn't care about me at all. I don't have any other family so I really am fucked and alone. I can't wait until I graduate and have a real career so that I can leave her ass. I genuinely might end up killing myself before then, however, because I'm in deep. All the abuse I endured as a kid that I still have memories of and now this financial abuse from someone who was supposed to love me and help me…this is beyond hell.

>>358553
She does make me feel like I deserve it. She never once apologized and I feel like she's always judging me. She acts like she never wanted kids to begin with so I don't understand why she didn't just abort me.

>>358560
That's fucked up, anon. How is she now?

>>358562
idk, i haven't talked to her in almost 2 years because she said some fucked up shit about something fucked up that happened. i might post ITT, my mom is a fucking pathetic mess.

There so many pieces to this story, but basically – Both of my parents are children who used us as tools in their relationship instead of giving us a good childhood. Both are from other countries, my mom from a wealthier family. From I could understand words I'd constantly hear them argue about money and how much my dad owes her for everything. In the beginning my dad actually seemed to care about me but then after the divorce he made a new family and pretty much denied my existence until I graduated from middle school. By then he had 2 other kids with his new wife. All the while my mother told me all sorts of abusive things, including things about him and filled me with insecurity and low self-esteem. She also developed a gambling problem during this time and would steal money from me and my siblings to go to the casino. She became physically abusive to all of us and didn't allow me to have friends or do after-school activities until the last couple years of high school. By then I was an anti-social weirdo with extreme trust issues so i couldn't make friends.

My father disappeared again for years, moved to another state, but then resurfaced when I was graduating from high school. I wasn't ready for college but my mom forced me because I was an embarrassment to her and at that time I was still afraid of her. My father knew nothing, obviously, but wanted to play "good dad" and helped me move in and paid my dorm fees. We were starting to rebuild a relationship but then I graduated and he disappeared again. Unknown to me was that my mom was communicating with him every now and then and they were having an affair. He continues popping in and out of my life at random times, introducing me to half-siblings. I came to learn that my dad married and divorced an additional 2-3 times after my mom and had a bunch of kids. Four years ago he resurfaced and said he was going to take me out for my birthday, turns out that my birthday is within a couple days of another one of his daughters. So he rented half a restaurant to hold a party for "us" (it was actually for her, I didn't know anyone there but my half-siblings). I brush it off and move on. He disappears and comes back a year later to buy me a car (as an apology? who knows) and leaves the country a month after. I haven't seen my dad since.

I've been dealing with mood and anxiety issues all my life, also self esteem issues. I've been hospitalized a few times. I'm very easily angered and have lashed out several times. In the moment I didn't think of it but looking back on all the times I did over the years, it's extremely embarrassing. I've had episodes at the workplace and as a result I haven't been able to hold a job for more than a year. Unfortunately I've had to move back in with my mom who is now retired and more miserable than ever. I'm not on medications atm, but therapy has helped and I have more control over myself. I also workout a lot and it helps too. I have a girlfriend who actually treats me like a human and just being next to her makes me feel safe. I tell her everything and she's really the kindest person I ever met in my life. When she told me she loved me I cried so much because nobody ever told me that. Right now I'm working on getting a job so we can get a place together.

>>358562
AYRT here, we are the same & I so feel for you anon. I wish there was some way for women like us to group up and pool resources to get tf away from people like our moms.

>>358515
I feel you, anon. I recently realized that I don't even consider her my mother, in the way that I don't really feel her as a motherly figure. I see her more like an autistic older sister who sometimes has rage fits and becomes violent and you have to gently calm her down before it escalates.
She also took my whole 5k scholarship (I only spent 800$ for myself, those money were hard earned and I had other plans to use them) to buy groceries and pay the bills since she only earns about 300$ from her shitty 1 hour and a half a day, 5 days a week job and outright refuses to find a better one, since the job offers she gets are full time and working 8 hours a day for her is "too much". She expects me to accept illegal jobs for 12 hours a day though, and calls me lazy if I turn them down.

>>358707
Omg my mom did something similar to me, but she had a pretty well paying job, $16 an hour. When I got my first job, it was part time, and not even a month into working she starts pressuring me get a better paying one. I tell her I want to build experience before moving onto another job just like that, and she gave me this insane look going, "Well, maybe you should find a second job. Money doesn't grow on trees." I'm completely confused because I rarely ever spent my money.
After a few months, she started asking me if she could "borrow" money. For groceries and stuff like that. It was always a bill it something. Then a few weeks afterwards, she decides to buy a new car and tells me "I'm gonna need you to help pay insurance because you'll be driving the car too. Me, not knowing I'd be having to pay $300 a month, agrees. I remember her sitting me at the kitchen table with my checkbook, writing the $300 check and having me sign it. It hurts remembering that. After 3 or so months, I start realizing I'm not even driving the car that often, the only time I'm using it is to drop off my sister at school. I bring this up, suggesting I pay less, and she tells me, "You really need to look for a new job, honey. We don't have much money." At this time my mental health is terrible and I end up "running away" to a family member's house a couple blocks away. I stay there for about half a year. The thing is, I remember my mom coming over only to come collect the car insurance money from me, which I haven't driven that car at all the entire time I was there. She had total control of it. I think I payed her $300 for 2 months until I told her I don't have anymore money.
I remember a couple months later I found a full time job that paid me $9 an hour and the first thing my mom tried to do ask for "help" with her dental appointment. I had to give away a months worth of my earnings because she "didn't have the money". Ugh, thinking about this again is so stressful. I'm glad I'm out, but still.

>>358597
Yes! Too bad emotional abuse (among other types) isn't considered real to majority of society and children are told to suck it up or that it's normal or the kids are the ones being brats.

I hope you are able to get away from your mother soon and am wishing you the best in your life, anon. Lots of luck!

>>358707
Ugh, Iktf. Sometimes I think "How can this woman be my mother? There's no way we're related."
Your mother is totally projecting with her laziness. Do you still live with her? It sounds like she's depending on you and thinks she doesn't have to work a real job because she can just skate by taking from others. I never knew someone so entitled that they think they don't have to work 8 hour shifts like the rest of the world.
I don't blame you for not taking those 12 hour shifts, that's A LOT to handle. Don't let her make you feel bad about that.

>>355536
really glad you're out of that situation anon, and tbh I think you'll be able to form meaningful relationships (even romantic) eventually because you were strong enough to get though some shitty ass times and be able to understand they were in fact shitty and your family didn't deserve it. keep improving yourself and just look towards the future, i'm rooting for you!

I thought a long time about posting, because I do love them, but sometimes…

I'm 23 and I have zero privacy. Right now I'm pretending to study, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to have any alone-time. My father doesn't want me to be in my room, instead I have to watch tv with him - 90% of the time both of them are snoring, when he happens to be awake and catches me on my phone he gets angry with me, wants to know what I'm doing.
Ironically I was a very independent child, never wanting/needing a lot of affection, so I would have never thought I'd still live at home at this age. But why go to study in another city when you can just stay here?

My father is very stressed from work and always is in a bad mood at home. He also loves making misogynistic jokes – however, my mother probably irritates me more: she's just so damn passive, never dares to speak out against him, she's sitting there quiet, like a little child, never saying anything when he lashes out at her (with words only, of course).

He constantly tells me that I "ruined" something for him, e.g. one time we were at holidays, I was just 15 and was making a sour face because I had been sick in the morning. He got so pissed because I wasn’t as sweet and cheerful as he always wants me to bee, that for the rest of the trip he was sightseeing different things than the rest of our family. Instead of telling him that he's overreacting, my mother was angry with me. So for several days, every morning and night when we saw him at the hotel, I was crying and begging him to forgive me.
Same thing happened 4 years ago. I failed to get into a certain uni, cried and therefore ruined it for him. This time he threatened to throw me out (the irony) and this time it took me several weeks to get him to forgive me.
It’s always the same, I don’t smile enough and he gets massively angry.
I feel bad about this, but I just try to avoid him nowadays. He always asks me uncomfortable questions, I never know if it's a joke or if he'll get angry for real. Other children can talk about their career plans with their parents, with him it always quickly moves on to angry questioning.

My mother was a housewive most of her life, now she's just working parttime. She always complains to me about how she has to do everything - my father doesn't even bring his plate to the kitchen once he's finished eating. Yet she rarely brings it up to him. She's the reason I never want to get married.
My mother is extremely vain, I guess she's underweight, but constantly complains about her "fat" stomach. Her boobs are too small, she looks so old (her birthday is always a drama) blah blah, I even told her that she's an extemely bad role model - especiallly for my young teen sister.
When I was a teen I had an ED, yet my mother never cared. No matter how good my grades were, this was the only time she was proud of me, because she finally had a skinny and therefore attractive daughter. After 2 years of starving, I gained back some weight and what does she do, tells me that I gained weight, because I supposedly asked her to tell me when that's the case. Thank you for trampling on my non-existent self esteem. She then also told me that I should only wear knee lenght shorts, thinking that would somehow solve anything.
There's this girl my mother is obsessed with, because "she looks like a model". She was just 13 (when she started saying that), her body is like a twig, she already wore tons of makeup and everybody says she's a complete brat - but that's what the ideal women according to my mother looks like. My father is more than twice as heavy as her, but that doesn't matter because he's a man. Lately everybody has been telling my brother that he got a gut, but according to my mother he's so worringly skinny. Whenever he visits home, she buys tons of snacks - which she wouldn't do for my sister or I.
Lately I told her that I want to lose weight, but I already regret it, because now of course I have her full support and couldn't even cheat once or something if wanted…

My brother is studying to be a priest and to my very religious mother that immediately put him in the number one spot as her favourite child. My sister and I went (she still does) to the highest school, he didn't, but that doesn't matter. The first time my sister had to vacuum, she was 12, my brother is nearly 22 and still hasn't done it even once to this day. Lately I called her out for sewing a button he lost to his jacket, asking why she's still doing that fo him, but she immediately got defensive, saying it's only a one time thing, saying he can do it, that he also knows how to do laundry and so on.

When I finished high school my parents pushed me into a field I didn't like, because it's a good job for women who want children… They said that I will never earn as much as my father does and that my future husband will likely earn more than I will. I was always at the top of class, but that doesn't matter, because I'm a woman. My brother however, he can be anything.
My brother is such a raging misogynist, it sometimes makes me want to punch him - yet again, my mother just smiles it off. Please have some self respect! He constantly talks about those feminist whores, says that all his teachers were bitches and treated him unfairly, because he's a boy, thinking men are disadvantaged in society and he also doesn't like to spend a day without calling me fat at least once.

The thing that did the most damage is my parents always telling me to „stay quiet when adults are talking“ – even though I already was a very silent child to begin with. I was never rebelous, never did anything wrong. And now, the older I get, the more this staying quiet is a problem: I‘m extremely scared of accidentally interrupting people, if in a group I never get a single word in. Even in my own family, I just never talk. I really can’t. I always had to be so obedient and now my parens wonder why I’m not more social. According to them I probably should have stayed quiet until I turned 18 and when turn into a social butterfly with tons of friends and a bf. But of course that’s not possible.

My father’s other favourite sentence, which he still repeats to me nowdays, is: if you don’t do it well, don’t even try. Needless, to say, I don’t even try, because I’m too scared of not being perfect.
When I was younger he always assigned jobs for me to do during the summer, like painting a hut in our garden. To him, I of Course wasn’t doing it good enough and he kept scolding me until I cried. But no matter how often I said that I just can’t do it and asked him to allow me to stop, he just kept going. He rather torments me instead of using that time to do it himself.

Like I said before, I love my parents, but my mind is filled with countless of small memories of situations like the above mentioned…
I wonder when my father will see me as an equal, as an adult, when I’m allowed to voice my opinion. In front of him I’m still like a little child, either being nice and doing everything well, giving him a good morning and a good night kiss - or getting scolded until I cry

>>363860
your parents are depressing me from literally like halfway across the world. they suck. your brother also sucks. you're a better person than i, bc i don't think i could pretend to love any of these people

I don't wanna write my shitty life story here but right now my dumbass mother is mad at me that I didn't answer her fb messages she sent me at night, I checked them at 2 am or something and thought that I'll answer in the morning but she sent me some passive aggressive "Ok" and now wont answer me back. I know this doesn't sound much but she always does stupid stuff like this and manages to make me feel guilty.

Ive been thinking about this a lot lately. I always pictured my mom as the good parent compared to my step-dad, but slowly noticing that she wasnt all that great either. Just gonna list off some stuff Ive been realizing were actually pretty bad in retrospect

>mom chemically burned my scalp at three years old


>spent my whole life insecure and constantly stressed about the visibility of my very massive bald spots/scars thinking that it was my fault

>didnt actually find out she did it until highschool because she always blamed the bald spots on me not massaging my scalp or conditioning enough.

>soon as she mentioned it, spent weeks convincing her to stop making me relax it because she thought my natural hair was too nappy. Saw my real hair texture for the first time then.

>ended up hating it and the fact that it cant grow in a way to mask the bald spots.

>Mom (and sister) stopped relaxing their hair a year or so later and kinda resent them for being able to wear it out without an issue

>still get anxiety about things like being in the sun for too long because she and my step-dad took every oppurtunity to tease me about it

>really im just noticing that the bulk of internalized anti-blackness in our family seemed to come down on me in the form of constant teasing as the only sibling that isnt mixed with anything

>as a child i listened to her whenever she vented about how abusive he was, how he spent all of our money on stupid things for himself instead of bills or food, that she couldnt have friends because of him, depression, etc

>step-dad knew my mom talked to me about that sort of stuff and openly resented me for it

>never stood up for me and often even sided with him when i tried pointing out that he was being unfair or cruel despite me always trying to stand up for her as a literal child

>got mad when i was eventually diagnosed with depression, then denied medication and treatment for it. Thought I made her look like a bad mother

>eventually both of them just brushed me off as having anger problems or being too serious all the time

>just sort of isolated and neglected for majority of childhood because of it

>mom made me move to my grandmas house a state over because she was mad that i was unhappy all of the time

>Literally got upset when my grandma said she loved me

>i eventually moved back, we leave our step-dad, and i met a girl in highschool and started spending a lot of time with her.

>Mom caught on before i could come out. Kicked me out before I finished my senior year

Stopped talking to her since then. We never really had a relationship, anyway. She still thinks were on good terms cause she never really saw a problem, or didnt want to at least. I dont know. I just wish I could stop thinking about and remembering stuff like that. I feel fucked up now but at the very least I know I can do better for my own kids one day

>>365277
sorry about the spacing

Also wanted to add on that shed often "tattle" on us to our step-dad knowing that hed beat us. She had to have known that Id get the bulk of it everytime, even if it was something my siblings did, because I was the oldest and that somehow made sense

>>365281
wait turns out im still not done

Im just getting riled up because of all of this. The fact that Im in my twenties and still cant function socially from the constant neglect and isolation. I have no idea how to talk about my problems or explain why Im upset if my girlfriend asks. I have this constant anxiety about my appearance because of how she stressed its importance despite only ever talking down about mine. Kicking me out so soon put me on this awful footing and now im still trapped in this cycle of poverty.

I still dont even think i have a right to complain about any of it because Im used to having it dismissed, berated and then ignored all together. I know I dont have it as bad as most people, but jeez. Like Ive had all this garbage pent up inside and I have no idea what to do with it now that its spilling out everywhere.

My gfs family is so sweet and supportive that it genuinely makes me uncomfortable. Like I cant be around them. I feel like such a pure fuck up compared to any of them. I really dont know where to begin in terms of like, not being like this anymore. Its kind of overwhelming

Welp, now Im in tears. Sorry for all of the posting, think im actually done this time lol

>>365291
Aw anon, it's good to vent here imo

I'm glad you have a loving gf now and she has a good family too. Things will get better

>>363860
Your family are like, movie-tier controlling, that's crazy they treat you this way. You need a bit of freedom imo, how is it you are 23 amd your father is controlling which room you are in and when?

My mother is annoyed at me and my sister smiling or laughing. The only moments she "allows" it is when she makes her dumb jokes. I've never met somebody who does that, it's really weird.
When she sees me smiling she scoffs and makes a pissy remark, sometimes even straight up insults me. Same for laughing, yesterday she heard me chuckling from the other room and yelled me to stop, that our neighbors would hear me and think I'm laughing at them (?!) and called me dumb.
She's always done it, I have a video from when I was around 10 years old. I was playing and laughing in front of the camera, then she says "You're so stupid…" and my face sinks immediately. It's really sad to watch.

my step dad used to shove loaded guns in me and my siblings faces and beat the shit out of us while high on meth and/or 28 beers deep. the police never did anything. he ended up ruining his military career over some other unrelated charges and now is completely fucked with chomo charges and his life is rekt. hes also still super racist and has an incurable hatred for women.
my mom was a fucking retard to get with someone like him.

I can never figure out if my mom is narc or not but anyways. The biggest thing she ever did that has made my life significantly worse was homeschooling.

My parents aren't religious but my mom is a hippie dippie type. I've only had 3 years in public school K-grade 2.
After that she decided to "homeschool" myself and my brother. After the beginning she basically gave up and decided to "unschool", so I did nothing all day but play video games. I didnt learn basic math. The only math I knew for a long time was addition, subtraction, and multiplication. It took me a bizarre amount of time to grasp the concept of division for some reason. I felt horrible and anxious about my lack of education. I tried to talk her into letting me back into public school forever. I finally was able to try going back for grade 9 but I only lasted 2 weeks. By that time I couldnt handle it and had huge anxiety breakdowns. Because i was so behind in my education and no teacher could understand I just never learned things. After that I got into a more proper online learning program, one even public students would use for a few extra courses. I did much better in this and did well in all studies except for math again. Because I never learned simple things like BEDMAS. I tried to get them to help me, I reached out so many times to get extra help. But it felt like no adults could understand my situation. They told me I couldnt get any assistance because i didnt have a learning disability. So I did all my courses besides math from huge anxiety issues. When it was finally time for me to graduate and only had to finish math I just… dropped out. I dont have a high school diploma, I can't go to post secondary because of it. I never talk to people about this experience because I'm so deeply ashamed of how uneducated I am.

>>365353
Aw don't be ashamed, i'm highly educated and all it did is make me depressed

my parents are both immature assholes that shouldn't have met, let alone have a kid. if they were young when they had me, i don't think i would be so depressed over them, but for fucks sake dad was like 45 and mom was in her early 30s.
both of them had substance abuse issues (d was an alcoholic, m smoked weed all the fucking time), and personal problems really. my dad especially, the guy was married when he met my mom, but used her as an excuse from his abusive wife.

there's a lot i could say but i don't even know how to word it
maybe i could go on about the beatings mom gave me from an early age? because they worked so well for her
maybe the way i sort of defaulted into lying because whenever i attempted to be truthful, she'd just yell and treat me like i never existed? that fucked up little me

ugh just thinking about it gives me a goddamn headache

>>365408
actually i want to vent about my dad

he had a great job when he met my mom, i think that's part of the reason why she was attracted to him. not sure what he did exactly, but according to family on his side and old ledgers he had lying around, the bitch was brining in 100k AT LEAST, annually. for some reason though ( i think it's spite? ) he decided to up the booze intake and get himself fired. then he tried to leave his wife and move in with mom, but obviously she didn't want a drunk hanging around…so he got kicked out, and went BACK to his wife, then adopted a boy. who he proceeded to spend a ton of his fortune on, ignoring me completely. must of spoiled the fuck out of that little fag because he's absolutely rotten.

when his wife got sick of him ( and after he got tired of spending money on her? ) he moved in with his sister…and helped raise her child. spent the rest of his money on her too, i guess he was hoping his sister would split the inheritance with him but she didn't. the woman kicked him out, and he worked as a janitor for some years. since he was broke after raising everyone else's kid.

while he was doing all this, the man was sending my mom provocations whenever she tried to bring me up to him about how i'd probably get pregnant early, i could come to him for help once i was an adult, etc. etc. he made jokes about my failing grades in school apparently, i don't doubt it knowing the type of dude he is.

i dunno man the guy is just retarded, i hope he has some money stored up secretly somewhere so once he dies i can be compensated for his retardation. literally the only good thing he's done for me is given me a place to stay; i'll never have to pay rent on it, or the bills since he handles them. dgmw i am definitely grateful for the help, but if he hadn't fucked up so much with my rearing none of this would even be happening

>>365353

it's okay anon, you're not alone. my mum is full into unschool. My math is horrible and I ended up having to do a 13 week refresher course of high school math, which contained stuff I had no idea about.

I have a lot of siblings, none of them have birth certificates, none of the are vaccinated. She told me that university is a government plot to prevent free thought.

Just sucks that she's denying her kids everything she had the opportunity to do.

>>365380
Haha thanks. On a more positive note Ive been able to pursue a job I like. Ive always been creative but never went to school for it
>maybe a blessing because everyone I know who went to art school said it was a waste of time and money

I do cons and run an online shop. Last year I made a livable wage in profits so that was very exciting for me.

Since moving out and living on my own, ive really started to mentally unpack my childhood. I never considered it but I think my parents were neglectful. I read that not providing an education especially from ages 7-14 is considered neglect in some areas. Being homeschooled also meant I was at home all the time, even when my parents were at work. Which unfortunately led me to be a victim of sexual abuse from age 8-10.

does anyone else struggle with affection and recieving/giving it because of narc parents?

My mother only ever showed she cared or loved me when it was beneficial to her (after an argument, beating or in front of people) that as an adult its weird when i get affection because i expect the worse from them. I want it so badly though but i often feel like im not deserving of it.

Mom:
>Lost her virginity at 14
>Had an(?) abortion
>Would make me steal for her as a child, and she still does it despite having enough money to pay for things herself now
>Cheated on dad numerous times; brags about it
>Tells me how beautiful she is/how ugly I am
>Told me frequently when I was younger no man would ever want me because I was built manly like my father; I developed and eating disorder. Even when I was fasting and getting close to hitting under 100 pounds, my mother would still stay I was too chunky. Father actually accused me of stealing his food because he ate so much he couldn't believe he was the one eating it all. I remember him accusing me, SCREAMING of eating half a block of cheese when I was on my 3rd day of fasting. I was 103 pounds… he was 350ish. I also hate cheese and rarely ever eat it by itself.
>Never taught me how to tie my shoes, so I had a hard time doing it before school and she'd scream at me to hurry up. She, to this day, uses that as an example of how "retarded I am" and can't do things for myself.
>She'd make me stand to the side of the mirror in her bedroom and repeat a mantra before school or studying. It was along the lines not disappointing her, getting straight As, and finding a good husband. I had to repeat after her. It was cult-like.

Dad:
>Got an STD hiring a prostitute while deployed in the military in his teens
>Couldn't get a girlfriend in the states; married an Asian chick from the Philippines he hardly knew and got so angry at her, he smashed her into a windshield and nearly killed her
>Drank a bottle of wine every 3 days for a few years in my adolescence
>Smoked 2-4 packs of cigarettes on the daily, had to start rolling his own because it got so costly. He smoked so much I went to school reeking of cigarettes.
>Blew all of his paychecks hoarding furniture, ignoring the bills. Still does it to this day, but with various other purchases. House is being neglected in the process. Roof has mold growing on it and there's rotten holes where the rain leaks in. Floorboards are open to the bottom of the house in the bathroom. None of the appliances work (IE toilet, sink, and shower). Skunks spray under there at least once a week that makes the house smell horrible and ruins my clothes. Rats (not mice) and crickets live in the walls and they're loud at night.
>Pyromaniac. Burned innocent animals as a child. Tried to burn down the first apartment his parents ever lived in. Has threatened to burn our house down if my mother ever tries to divorce him.
>Would lock my mother and I indoors. I was not allowed to see friends, nor was my mother. If I was playing outside, he'd call me inside. Whenever my mother wore makeup, my dad would go berserk, accusing her of seeing another man; she started not wearing it. She actually stopped drinking water because my dad would get angry when she'd go to the bathroom. None of the bedrooms were allowed to have locks, except for his. When I was a child and wanted to play/see him, he'd lock the door on my face and scream I was a bitch and need to go away. I was a toddler then.

Parents pretended to be virgins who waited for marriage; claimed to be devote Christians and used the Bible frequently as justification for extremely abusive behavior towards me like physical beatings and yelling. They were going to stick me in an arranged marriage with a man nearly 30 years older than me, etc. Honestly, I can't think of anything off of the top of my head, but there were many things they did wrong. They made me get in the middle of their fights, and pick a side. They'd concern me with their personal finances. And though I'm an adult now, their sexual affairs, which should just be private regardless of age. This list is just tame little things off the top of my head that can be summarized in a few sentences. Most things they did were not obvious, but were an accumulation of "small" abuses that lead to me in the hospital over suicide. They still deny being the reason I ended up there, even though I've been isolated to them my entire life because they were control freaks.

>>365539
I know this feel so bad. I even have trouble being affectionate with my pets.

>>365539
Yeah. neither of my parents ever hugged me and never in my life have I heard "I love you". I can't say it to anyone now, even if I were to date. The thought makes me very uncomfortable.

My dad wasn't a "life ruiner" by any means but I highly despise him.

I am adopted. My mom has a big heart and adopted a large family of kids. My dad was a developing alcoholic who, when I was a toddler, was a renovator of boats at a marina. I remember he would go to work and I would wake up to pictures he made for me while he ate breakfast. I always looked forward to it but one day he stopped. I thought maybe he was sick of it but turns out he was sick of maintaining the facade of being a father to more than 3 kids.

He started lying to my mom about going to work. He'd day drink with a friend of his and beg his "best customer" for money or paid work. My mom didn't know til I was in my teens that he was playing hooky with work.

I flipped on him when I was 15. My mom and dad were supposed to have a "divorce talk" with us but my dad went ballistic. He almost punched me during his tantrum. A couple years later I had a bad accident and my mom told him to pick me up at a local store so she could go to work and I could get home. He had a whole car FULL of cans and bottles. I begged my mom to take me home instead but she couldn't. I cried on the way home.
He lost houses my mom and he agreed to "rent out" because he wasn't conscious enough to check on them or rent them himself. I know my mom went into bankruptcy because of him and to protect us. She tried so hard to raise us, go back to college and to take care of herself when he couldn't.

Even now I have a big problem with drinking. When people drink in excess, I get very uncomfortable. I can't help but relate it to irresponsibility. My dad wasn't even there when I needed him so I fear abandonment. Alot has happened aside from what I mentioned and he tapped out everytime. I think the last straw was him calling me when I was visiting my mom and wanting to see me. I blocked his number prior but he managed to come to my mom's house and "search" for me. She wouldn't let him inside and he left but god how embarrassing. He smelled like a brewery.

>Tfw your mom is a overgrown introvert teen that relied on her looks to feel ok gave you an eating disorder and had unprotected sex with a Nfedora and accidentally brought you into the world

>called you a slut at 16 but then proclaimed to have daddy issues

> married another fat short nfedora and gave him 2 kids


I’m glad no one showed up to your baby shower

>>365649
>Lost her virginity at 14
>Had an(?) abortion

I don't see the problem, check your autism

My bio dad wasn’t super in the picture when I was growing up, so I was raised by her second husband from the age of 2 until I became an adult. They divorced after I turned 18, which was long over due and drawn out by my stepdad refusing to accept the facts. He drank heavily my entire life, abused drugs, put us (my mom, me, 3 of my siblings who are his bio kids) in horrible situations as he was the breadwinner and would literally piss away the rent money. Sometimes he was an angry drunk but he never hit us kids, I don’t know if he hit my mom ever, but mostly he was a happy/party drunk and would get sappy. Like crying “I love you so much, you’ll always be my first daughter even though we’re not blood related” hugging me n shit which even as a kid made me wildly uncomfortable. When I was a teenager, he’d gaslight me constantly in regards to the household rules. Give me alcohol and weed one day, kick me out of the house the next for having those things. During the divorce, we’d get into fights because he’d tell my siblings that my moms a whore and doesn’t care about us when… it was him not coming home for days and me filling in his role.

Despite all this, at 22, we hardly talk and it’s upsetting to me. I initiate all our conversations because like? He’s the only father figure I had growing up? I’m recently sober from alcohol after a failed suicide attempt and he didn’t even visit me in the hospital. I’ve tried multiple times to involve him in my sobriety because he claims to be trying to stay sober too. But I’m so angry at him. For having so much of a grasp on my life, for making me still miss him, for lying, letting me down, disowning me. He clearly doesn’t care to continue a relationship with me and I want to not care, cuz I know how awful he is but I’m also apparently still just a little kid who wants ~daddy’s attention~ ugh. I haven’t opened up to anyone about it cuz I feel so pathetic but when I’m alone I cry about it. Like here I am, the same age he was when I first entered his life.. choosing sobriety, choosing a good relationship with my partner, choosing not to torment my future stepchild with my addiction. Why couldn’t he have done that for me?

Ladies, how do you deal with a narc parent who takes credit for your accomplishments?
I'm an artist, and my dad is an "artist", and I've become hesitant to talk about my projects because if he catches wind about them then I a have to deal with his stupid ass "pride" for me where he puffs his chest out and shit before he snaps to talking about how great he is and bull crap he did 20 years ago.

The online stuff doesn't matter, I can just tell him to butt out, but if want to get into the local art community then I know I'm going to have to deal with him putting his hands on his hips and braying about how "special" we are, as though I'm some kind of extension of himself and he can take credit for what I did, as though he's even on the same level that I am.

Well, writing about it bluntly made me feel better.

Today marks the four year anniversary of the last time I saw my mom. I don't miss her a single bit and I have no guilt about just up and leaving. She was not a nice person to me, leaving me in dangerous situations constantly as a kid, she was physically and emotionally abusive to me through out my whole life.

But it's been really fucking with me. In 2017 my step-dad died from a cancer that spread throughout his entire body. My husband recently got a Facebook message from my moms new boyfriend, who she's been with for two years, and has a new daughter with now.

So you were with this man (my step-dad) for fifteen years. And as soon as he's dead you jump into bed and move across the country for a whole new man? Foh.

I know I must sound like a giant baby abt this but man it's just weird and I don't have much in terms of people to talk to.

>>422565
>I a have to deal with his stupid ass "pride" for me where he puffs his chest out and shit before he snaps to talking about how great he is
Yeah my mom is a narc and she does something similar. She doesn't even give me the benefit of saying she takes pride in me before talking about herself, she usually quips "Talent is genetic you know!" It's already implied that she thinks she's great all in one. And that's absolutely not true on its own lmao. She can never give me credit for the actual hours and failures that came before I got good at something. Oh boy, and how she belittles me when I fail. Funny how narcs never say that failure is genetic, eh?

My mom was a theater and arts person. I never got huge into the arts but when people started to take notice that I was really good at cooking and presentation like restaurant tier, my mom and my family had to interject that I must have picked that up from her too because she's sooo good at cooking as well!
Actually, having grown up eating her slop she is in fact a horrible cook who lacks any kind of intuition when it comes to making anything not from a box with directions on it. She hates cooking, and hates the effort it takes.

It's extremely annoying and minimizing so I feel you.

Ahh, nothing like growing up and realizing everything wrong with your parents. Nothing like learning that my parents are the children of the family who never grew up and never got it together. They were the fuck ups and my grandparents on both sides cleaned up their messes for way too long. I am the product of that, and I'd honestly rather know I'm an accident than know that it was in my parent's best judgement to bring me into this world.

My parents are the type that pretends they prioritize their kids, but they actually never want to sacrifice anything. Father's day is tomorrow and I've cut my dad out for at least the last 6 years. His birthday passed recently too.. I said nothing and felt nothing. He emotionally and sometimes physically abused my family as a child and it took until my mid teens to get away.

They divorced when I was five and both lived with either grandparents for most of my childhood because they couldn't ever get it together. I was mainly raised by my grandparents as a result.
My mom wanted to have the weekends to herself so she knowingly sent my sibling and I to my dad's every weekend, even though he only had basic visitation rights. He was too abusive for her to stay with, but it was fine to send us to him, I guess. Her last straw was my dad throwing a ketchup bottle towards his infant daughter and just barely missing her head… but eh, he's good to send the children to. He never had to pay child support because somehow my mom excused him of responsibility. We suffered because our single mom's income wasn't enough to buy our needs sometimes. He never paid for anything for us in our whole lives and he was a terrifying, disgusting human being we had to pretend to love or else our grandma would guilt us.

Her excuse for putting us through that as kids was that we loved our grandparents, and he lived with them, so she wanted us to see them. I get filled with rage remembering her explaining that as if it justifies what bullshit we had to go through. I remember being like 7, hiding in thr bathroom, and calling my mom from their house phone, begging for her to come get me because I was so terrified of my dad. Then he caught me. He screamed at me and ripped me away and told me I was never allowed to do that again and that he had to know about every phone call I make. He spoke with my mom and she let it go. I was abandoned.

What the fuck is wrong with my family? Why did I have get the shit genes and the shit environment? Oh well I guess. I have been trying to heal myself and move on but I can't tell if I'll be able to undo how fucked I am. Also I was constantly called retarded by many people on my dad's side as a child and it's fucked up my self perception ever since. I have been in therapy about it for a long time but I can't stop viewing myself as stupid/subhuman. Why.

One thing I'll give my biological dad and my stepdad credit for is this: They never denied that they did horrible things and never pretended to be great people. Somehow, despite the awful ways they screwed me and others over, they're less annoying to me for that reason.

Mom gets all the hate from me because nothing she's said or done is ever truly her fault, hence the narcissism that paints every landscape in her life. I don't think I've ever heard a genuine apology from her nor seen her try to change her ways.
If she acts like a verbally abusive tyrant? Well that's just because of abuse she suffered over 20 years ago and she gets a little emotional when she feels attacked (re: held responsible). Yet nobody is allowed to bring up something that she did to them a few days ago without her accusing that person of being stuck in the past or talking nonstop about what she considers to be trivial things in comparison to her, the truest sufferer. Never a person before has sacrificed and suffered so greatly than mom, in her opinion.
When I suggest therapy to her, since she says her abuse afflicts her so badly, she reverses that I'm the one who needs the therapy but at the same time "mental illness things" are just excuses people use to be lazy and receive attention.
Almost like…claiming abuse and trauma when people confront her about her bad behavior is just trying to deflect the subject and receive sympathetic attention instead. She projects so hard she can't keep her story straight. She's very selfish and lacks any empathy.

When she can't weave a narrative that she's a victim, she'll try one of the classic narc mainstays: 1. She doesn't remember doing the thing, 2. The thing she did wasn't so bad, 3. Or if she did do the thing well that's too bad because she's done so much for the ungrateful so there. She loves to use the "I wiped your ass as a baby!" non sequitur, or the "You're not experienced enough and you don't know what it's like to have children!" copout. Which is funny considering she's been spoiled and sheltered as fuck her entire life. Sometimes I wish she hadn't miscarried so much from chain smoking because I'd love to see her been pressed over taking care of an unruly brood instead of having to deal with me; the latchkey kid who was extremely quiet due to abuse and never got in any trouble because I tried in vain to impress her and be obedient for years–not that I had many choices to have been anything else since any affront to her image or controls would result in severe repercussions.
I wish she could've birthed a drug addict, career criminal, a flunky, or whatever other nightmare type person because that is who she really deserved.

On top of that, for being a run of the mill grade school teacher, she is always super judgmental and has tall opinions of others. She still enjoys running off any guys I like if they don't have money or status, and insists I date ugly men or men I have nothing in common with just because she thinks they have money. She's had three failed marriages and god knows how many boyfriends, but she considers herself the love expert.
If she hates my friends, she'll make sure they are made to feel as uncomfortable as possible around her since she doesn't approve. She's never had many friends herself, and the ones she still does have she only sees a couple times a year. Which is perfect so she doesn't have to sweat upholding her fake outward image much.

She makes gross comments about other women despite looking like an old, crater-faced roly poly in her sixties. She'll constantly critique women as being manly, fat, curveless, or poorly dressed while she looks like a dump and has never done anything to take care of herself. Her comments and outlook have always made me uncomfortable.
Needless to say, she's given me very low self-worth from these types of comments ie. Hatefully calling a woman who is objectively thinner than me fat and mannish.
She switches from loving herself to wanting to do something about her looks, but she's all talk and will never change (and none of it is really her fault after all~). She views people not finding her attractive as their problem, but then seriously wonders why men don't flock to her like they did in her effortless youth. I've learnt not to talk about any of my personal insecurities because she will weaponize them against me later. For example she'll call me self-loathing, or worse say that the reason why we get into fights is because I'm unhappy with how I look. Implying it has nothing to do with the way she treats me and talks to me. She's that fucking nasty and mean. Although I'm sure being unhappy with herself and being jealous of others is the reason why she starts shit all the time, so again she's probably projecting. I'm sure she's seething with envy at me because I'm actually doing way more and creating tons of life experiences that she never had when she was my age. But instead of being happy for me, she's salty. It's vindictive.

Nothing that people do, including me, is ever enough for her.

I hate my mother and I'm going to ruin the illusion that she has made in her "new life". I am outing her on how abusive she was to myself and the other children she was supposed to care for.

She spent years trying to cover it up and has made it look like she has done no wrong.

I've lied to myself and kept thinking I was the problem.
When your mom is a diagnosed narc sociopath, you realise it's not your fault.

To this day, she mentally puts weights on my sister and I. She tries to keep us insecure and below her.

I've been grieving the abuse that went on (yes physical too) when all I've tried to do was ignore it and forget it. I can't anymore. I have to do something to move on and I am going to take back my life.

I have always bottled up my emotions and have been stepped on for so long by her and I am tired of it.

>>422793
I'm an only child but it's been super hard finally coming out about my mom's abuse because no one in my family really believes it. For years she's built a fake self outer image. That she's the perfect considerate parent whose only flaw might be tough love. My family members have bought into her manipulations so much that they find it impossible to believe she could be treating me any other way behind closed doors.

Her favorite tactic is trying to bait me in writing, usually via text, so she can show my reaction to everyone to prove how horrible I am. Meanwhile she says incredibly abuse shit and has meltdowns irl. The texts are usually super condescending wrapped up with patronizing, topped with fake bows of "I love yous." I've learned not to respond.
I'm going limited contact but she's been fighting me tooth and nail, being as aggressive as possible, and commanding that I respond to her.

Good luck anon, this shit ain't easy.

I've never told anyone my full story, mostly because i'm scared they won't believe. I'm also coming to terms with the fact that I have been abused in more ways than I ever realised. I've been raised being told that I am a possession of my parents, which means they can do whatever they want to me. I'm trying to undo that mindset, but it's so hard. I don't feel like a person.

-they beat me, kicked me.
-feed me things I am allergic to
-starved me
-forced food down my throat. literally forced.
-called me horrible names constantly, like parasite.
-made me forever in debt to them because they raised me
-threatened to put me in foster care
-threatened suicide and told me it would be my fault
-threatened divorce and told me it would be my fault
-emotionally neglected me
-thrown my stuff away, regardless of how much it cost. The other day they got rid of literally several hundred pounds worth of my stuff
-tried to ruin every job i've ever had. they would phone in to the company and talk shit about me
-wouldn't take me to the doctors or hospital
-denied me my inhalers

that's all I can think of right now. I have other siblings that aren't treated like this and it fucking kills me. I don't know what I could have possibly done as a child to make them hate me so much.

>>424085

Jfc I'll never understand what makes people sit there and literally torture a child that doesn't even know what the fuck they're doing. I am in tears anon, wishing you the best of luck right now

>>424115 Thank you. I made a conscious choice to stay in the house because of education. I know if I went into the system, or left on my own, that I would never be able to achieve anything academically. I'm nearly free, but I'm not sure if it was even worth it. Who cares about a law degree if you're riddled with PTSD? I know i'm going to need a lot of therapy, which I probably won't even be able to get unless I go private. I feel so let down by everyone in my life, but then I feel so guilty for thinking that I deserved to be saved.

>>424134
>then I feel so guilty for thinking that I deserved to be saved.
Don't, that's a really silly thought. You do deserve to be saved. I don't know how realistic of an idea that is, but you deserve it for sure. I'm sorry, anon. Do you have any friends that can or could help you? No offense but your parents are disgusting, evil people and I really hope they get what's coming to them. You sound intelligent and very capable and it's nothing short of amazing that you've made it so far while being put through hell.

>>424164 the problem i have is that i live in a nice area, and this sort of thing just doesn't happen here. And if it does, who cares because you're privileged. I have no other family members that could help. I do have friends, but then their tied to my parents? My parents have everyone fooled. They even had the NHS fooled into thinking I'm just autistic (I'm not) and that they are poor suffering parents. The NHS didn't believe me. They knew they got physical, but for some reason they kinda acted like it what a bit outdated but not awful. Since then, I realised that I was abused in more ways. I can't go back to the NHS for help. I didn't even get help for my PTSD in the first place. Teachers have failed me. I was showing clear signs of PTSD from the moment I started school, but again my parents lied their way out of it. I'm about to move countries in the next few months, which I help will be my escape. But who knows. I'm so fucking damaged and it scares me.

My dad left while my mum was pregnant with me I believe, he would visit occasionally when I was younger but stopped at some point. Whenever he came around I’d be so uncomfortable like “who tf is this man and why is he hugging me”. He’s a loser who did nothing with his life, he’s been a “musician” since I was younger, yeah he plays small gigs occasionally and surprisingly has a few fans but Christ his music is awful. It’s like try-hard industrial screamo. He’s a piece of shit that uses and cheats on women and manipulates and lies to them. He always tells women he still sees me and my brother but I haven’t seen him since I was like around 5, he literally visits my city constantly and never even bothers to tell me when he’s here. His own mother hates him lol. He also said some creepy thing about me to one of his girlfriends that he helped pick my first bra when I was younger, he’s such a creep. I was briefly in contact with him when I was 17/18, quite literally to just ask him for money because I was struggling with my drinking at the time but even if that was shitty I don’t feel bad because he hasn’t paid my mum a single penny in child support. He hasn’t messaged me since last year on my birthday to say happy birthday, he’s also one of those people that say they’re bipolar and stuff without an actual diagnosis and constantly says he has ___ and ____ wrong with his health for sympathy.

My mum isn’t that much better I guess, when I was an adolescent she hated me for some reason. She and my brother ganged up on me it felt like, and I was also being teased a lot in school so I didn’t have a safe space really since home also sucked. She and her boyfriend constantly spied on my social media; they read my messages, they read my posts secretly from adding me as fake accounts, they watched my internet history, I was given NO privacy. They went through my pockets and bag often to make sure I didn’t have anything “bad” in there. It’s kinda stupid that they did that yet when they knew I was being groomed online by my pedophile ex they didn’t say anything????
My mum constantly criticised me, would always call me a selfish cow, a bitch, would call me a slut (again. When I was being groomed), we would have physical fights. When she got with her boyfriend and he was horrible to me she would always take his side. One time when she was drunk she just came in and started hitting me for no reason. I hate my parents and I’m not surprised I used to be such a shit when I was younger because I was being emotionally abused, now I’m a mess and can’t do anything, but I’m trying to get therapy and look for a job so I can go back to college and go to university, I refuse to be as useless as the both of them.

>>424371
That's a lot to go through, anon. Your parents really do sound terrible. No one should have to go through any of that, it's just so wrong. I'm so sorry and I know you can do absolutely anything you set your mind to.

I'm pretty sure my mom knew I wasn't my dad's biological child and just hid it from everyone. I remember when I got the DNA Ancestry results back and it said someone else was my father the first thing she asked me was "Why did you go and do that?" Because I wanted to, it was free so I thought it'd be neat to see the ancestry results. I was more interested in that, not even expecting to see a biological father result lol.
Anyways, when that happened she made it all about her and she was so sad for "ruining the family" when everyone else was perfectly fine. My dad's still my dad, duh. Now I just have another dad to connect with. It ain't that big of a deal I guess. Kek. My dad abused me and now he enables my mom to do narcissist shit so I was relieved not knowing I was blood related to him.

My mom said some really messed up shit a few years ago that prompted me to google her exact words… The only results that popped up were from the reddit raisedbynarcissists where apparently it's a common thing that narcs say to their kids. From that day on I've visited there very often..

Well, she got me in a fight again today by saying that she NEEDED to give me the silent treatment and lock me in my room for weeks at a time because I was SOOO ill behaved that I might FORCE her to hurt me. When I was 5 years old. Never stopped her from kicking my ass anyway, though. So fucking sorry, mom.

My mom started "copying" me when she started losing control of me and I moved farther away from my parent's house.

She changed her profile picture on Facebook to the same one I had, which wasn't even a picture of myself. It was some meme.

I was being harassed and threatened by her so I took myself off the family phone plan and got a phone for myself under a different plan. One day, my boyfriend accidentally called my old number instead of my new one. Once he realized, he hung up and called my new number. After that, he got a really long text message from my old phone number telling him he's going to be reported to the police if he ever tries to call again and delete the phone number from his phone. My literal old phone number. Common mistake, right? She took my old phone number. She actually went through this whole process. It's insanity.

>>427163
Jesus anon. I've never heard of someone's own mother single-white-femaling her. Keep up your no contact. Good luck and enjoy your freedom.

>>427173
Thank you, it's been tough still. She's still attempting to threaten me with law enforcement, sending me emails of whatever court paperwork she says she's going to turn in, so I'm going to take another step and report her for harassment, possibly an order of protection. I'm almost all the way free.

>>425132
I’m sorry, anon. Hope things get better for you. Maybe you’re bio dad is a good or at least a decent guy. And if not, at least you have the strength to realize how crappy your mom is.

>>427163
do you think she'll try to cuck you and seduce your boyfriend

>>427651
LMAO no she hates my boyfriend, she keeps repeating herself how much she thinks he's a clown and a piece of shit and no good for me. My boyfriend says if she tried to get within 200 feet of me or himself the police will be called.

>>422598
>>422565
dealt with the similar stuff expect from my grandma who raised me. My successes are because she raised me and was such a good influence on me! (cus im such a pitiful retard)
My failure are clearly genetic and inherited from my !FUCKED UP! mom and dad (they are screwed up) and the bad grades which are from my untreated ADHD is actually because im just lazy…which i inherited from both my LAZY parents. It's very annoying.

I used to be much more into writing and art and when i was talked to her about she'd just scream over me and about her totally awesome fantasy book which actually for real has SIX publishers interested in it! Literally anything i get into, she does it better. Except for video games thats because i inherited spastic boy syndrome from my dumb father because he…..was into dirtbikes or something i have no idea how she worked it out her arrogant pompous brain.

All I will say is that single mothers should have their children taken from them by default, unless they are a product of widowhood.

I started smoking pot recently to cope with it all. Her drinking is out of control, and I was having suicidal thoughts. The pot doesn't stop the suicidal thoughts, but it does help me come to terms with my situation and approach things from a calm, grounded standing instead of wondering what the ideal angle to hold a 12ga against my head is, and if I should use #4, 00 buck, or a slug.

>>434074
Proof that weed turns you into a braindead retard.

>>434081
single moms are the real hero's, deadbeat dads burn in hell.

Oh man. My parents are such fucking right wing boomers. It’s so annoying.

>>434074
Male logic is flawless. Being raised by a series of strangers in foster care is obviously way better than being raised by your mother, because the father left hence single mom which somehow -

brainexploding.gif

I've come to realize that I absolutely resent my mom.

Now, I still live at home at 29 (yikes) because she won't be able to pay the rent by herself.
She has no job, leaves one after a few weeks-max 3 months because 'it's too hard/it's too far'. Says there's no work for her, despite me telling her to go back to a previous job (I used to work there as well, for 1 1/2 years) because they'll pretty much accept people all the fucking time. But no. 'I'm not going back there, I won't let myself get bullied away by the Polish again'. Even when I tell her to ask them to let her do something different, she flat-out refuses.

She called me selfish for not giving her €500 to buy a car under my name. Oh, excuse me, 'lending' her the money. She says she'll pay me back when she has a job again, but I still have receipts from over a year ago for money she owes me. I'll never get it back.


Not to mention her racism and discrimination towards other people. Always making assumptions about everyone and everything.
Debt collectors are out to get her because they hate her, according to my mom.

I'm going for my driver's license starting September, get myself a car and start finding a place for myself and my cat.
I'm glad my younger brother moved out years ago, so he doesn't have to see/deal with this side of her.
He might not like it when I'll leave mom to fend for herself, but really, it's all on her.

As sad as it may be, I don't love her and I wish she was gone.

Serious question: what's with the hate boners against single moms? Why does nobody focus on the deadbeat dad's?

>>422524
>Not waiting to be with someone you love a lot and sharing a special moment of intimacy together

ok, christian-chan

>>434163
Because single parents are often shitty, hence why they're single.
There's the occasional single mom who fell into poor circumstances beyond her control or picked the wrong man to procreate with. However by and large, single parents that raised our generation are incredulously flawed Boomers and Xennials who had kids for selfish reasons. It shows.
It's no surprise that children who were traumatized and damaged by them would hone in on the shitty parent most present in their lives. In how many ways can you pick apart a deadbeat who was hardly present in your life, as opposed to the parent who insisted they were capable of raising you but through years of abuse, neglect, and or indifference demonstrated that they actually were not capable?
I completely understand why the damages they inflicted upon their children-now-adults are unforgivable.

Oh, and perish the thought if you're the child of one of these abusive single parents. Society gives single parents a damn participation award for doing the bare minimum for their children as if that's not what they ought to be doing as a default.
Maybe the hate appears disproportionate because single moms tend to be the parents who get full custody of their children, but I can guarantee that very few people (with the example of the stoner scrote >>434074) hate their single parents for no good reasons. Imo it takes a lot of bad stuff to have happened for an adult child of a parent to resent them.

>>434207

My mum being single was my dads fault; though she's still shitty regardless. I know she struggled as a single mother to two difficult children, but we didn't ask to be born. Whenever she's criticised slightly, her boyfriend and/or her always give us the ol' "I've/she's done so much for you, given you a roof over your head, insert more generic things parents should be doing regardless and shouldn't be rewarded for". I can't wait to get away from them forever.

My mom is an extreme push over. She is obsessed with the image of looking good and will allow basically anyone to walk on her so that she can obtain it. Whenever you confront her about it, the defense is always "its called being NICE". Some of the things she's done in the past 6 months:

>Bakes cookies for people in town for spare cash, sets prices for batches, then allows "friends" (people who order her cookies) to just pay whatever they want regardless, meaning she's often selling them for less than it even costs to make them
>lets her friends pawn their garbage off on her, so now we have a bunch of ugly holiday decorations sitting around the house that literally belong in the trash
>has worked for the same business for 13 years with no promotions or wage increases yet bakes them cookies for FREE nearly every week
>will allow coworkers/"friends" to intrude on friend outings where they aren't wanted because she's too scared to tell them not to come, even though no one wants them there
>often does harder work for her workplace, for days at a time, for her minimum wage pay, while the worker she's covering for earns nearly 2x what she does
>100% fully believes that any time someone text you that you MUST pick up your phone in that moment and MUST respond, no matter if you're doing something important in that moment or not
>this also applies to phone calls. she will pick up during serious conversations and just start talking about mindless things with her sister/friends, or stop an important task mid-way through to talk. this often happened in my childhood, where we would be planning something fun like an outing and then i would be left crying while she talked about birds/oatmeal/ect for hours at a time.
>is unable to hang up/walk away once a conversation is started, even if she's busy, or it'll make her late, or miss, something important. if she does manage to walk away she usually blames me, citing i'm being 'rude' and rushing her, or that i'm 'telling her what to do' by reminding her we have an important thing to attend to.
>was recently caught socializing with a man who had threatened to physically harm me & caused damage to our house because he had some type of paranoid drug-induced illusion i broke into his apartment
>allowed said stranger into our home, refuse to get him to leave. he lived in the apartment below us, but yet for some reason was sleeping on our couch, eating our food (she would make supper for him every night- for free- when we are quite literally poor and often don't have food ourselves), and was mooching off my mother for free back rubs. he was not giving her attention in return- he was not speaking to her, they were not fucking. he was purely using her.
>allows men she is not interested in to hit on her/make sexual moves on her because turning them down is wrong. has told me in the past, as a minor, that if someone likes me, i'm obliged to give them my attention (while referring to a 29 year old man).
>when she books appointments for services (hair dresser, technicians, ect) she lies about how much work needs to be done because she wants to seem 'friendly, and like the task is easy, so that i dont bother them!' only to usually rope them into tasks hours/3x the cost once the appointment arrives.

and to finish it off, from the past:
>once allowed a family pet to die because, while on a date, our pet got sick and needed to be driven to the vet, and she thought it to be 'rude' to ask the date to help drive the pet to the vet (she doesnt drive, and i was a child), or leave the date to come home to try and help. later brought her date home to find me crying over said pet, where they openly mocked me. when they broke up she said it was my fault for not making sure he liked me more.

i am attending a family therapist soon where i hope something can be done. i dont think they can fix her. but i hope at least i can learn to cope with the fact she's quite literally, a child. i have a disgust with phones now as an adult and can't make calls, or text, from the situations she put me through as a child, putting the phone before me on a consistent basis. thankfully though i am quite opposite from her, and have no problem telling people the truth, or being 'rude', when i am in situations where i need to leave/need proper pay/am uncomfortable. i was actually the one who was responsible for our neighbor being evicted, because she thought warning our landlord he was destroying the house would 'make him (neighbor) not like her'. after he left i saw in her texts she was reassuring him it was me who did that to him, and not her, and that i'm just 'a little bitch'.

>>434207
>There's the occasional single mom who fell into poor circumstances beyond her control or picked the wrong man to procreate with
So 99.9% of them? Being a single mother is most women's worst nightmare and is a direct route to poverty and struggle, they don't give up partnership that easily. The guy just leaves and she can't do shit about it.

The real answer to anon's question is misogyny. Evil single mothers dared to have sex, the guy must have been a Chad if he didn't stick around, and she's no longer sexually attractive so she deserves to be punished. And the blame for everything wrong with single parent families will fall on the mother, because they are almost always the single parent by default. Men are only single dads when they genuinely want to raise the kid and are willing to fight for it.

>>438188
>It's called being NICE
Jfc your mom has no literal boundaries. She's too fucking anxious to function. I cannot believe she was able to raise you. I'm glad you saw through it all and knew she raised you wrong. I have anxiety and don't like to seem rude, but there is a point where it becomes too much and I will kindly tell people to fuck off or do something when I need to, your mom simply cannot do that. I wanna say it sounds like she was abused, but obviously it doesn't excuse the way you were treated.

>>438211
My dad was around until my teens which is probably why I turned out kind of ok. Funny enough she’s been treating the divorce the same. 7 years of lawyer bills with no progress made because she won’t get a new laywer or make a move to take it to court, less it inconvient the laywer. She’s going to get walked on if they ever do make it to court or to a meeting together.

>>438233
>>438188
Oh I want to add as well since I just remembered, but my mom’s ability to be walked over extended into the divorce too. She was unable to express to my dad that she wanted to split, so she made me do it (at age 16) while she sat back in her chair, refusing to make eye contact with him. When he asked if it was true she also wouldn’t answer him, and when he wouldn’t leave the house after 2 days, she recruited a neighbor to help, while she once again remained silent the entire time.

My situation isn't as bad as a lot of you anons, I haven't been beaten, I don't have alcoholics or narcissists in the family. I just need to vent and I feel like this thread fits the bill. Sorry for the massive post.

My parents are both unstable, and I'm always dealing with their yelling, crying, whining, drama, passive-aggressive remarks, lies, backstabbing, manipulation, just shit in general.

I have to suck it up, pretend it's normal, and I've even been told to be grateful. If I point out how dysfunctional our family is, I'm made to feel at fault, as though I've caused this by observing it.

The result is that I've become a total piece of shit in order to deal with my family, and I hate myself for it. I have to be cold, furtive and manipulative to get what I want from them, otherwise they shit all over me until I submit. I've just recently realized that I have almost no personality outside of being a big fat doormat for my family to trample on, because for all these years my only goals have been to please them so I don't get yelled at, and to not drop out of school.

As a result of my crappy upbringing, I suck at dealing with other people and myself. I can't establish meaningful relationships with anyone, and I find myself kissing up to them in person and completely tearing them apart in my thoughts when I'm alone. I hate being like this, it's so fake, uncalled-for, and totally unfair to everyone involved.

A lot of the time, I just want to fuck off to some abandoned place where no one will bother me and I'll bother no one, ever, until I wither away and die.

I have such a hard time saying this, because I've always hated fancy idealized crap like 'loving' relationships or whatever, but sometimes I wish we could all get along. Just be normal for a day, that's all. I genuinely don't know what it feels like to have someone you can trust and turn to, and I genuinely have never loved a person outside of my shallow need to gain their attention and approval.

Neither of them could protect me from their son raping me, and I don't really cope with it very well.

My mother's narc antics forced me out of the military (the only way out of shithole nowhere I'm from) because she suicide-baited.

'If you leave, your little sister will go into foster care because I'll be DEAD!!!' over and over. I got these calls every day in basic to the point I withdrew and went home to work and secure an income to care for my sister.

There's nothing wrong with my mom mentally or physically. She just couldn't stand people asking where I was or how I was doing because I was able to escape the life she trapped herself into because she never dreamt of doing anything more than being some housewife.

I'm stuck here now working retail, sponsoring my 6 year old sister while my mom smuggly thumbs her nose and sneers that she 'knew' the military wouldn't work out for me.

>>439686
Go back in, the army is giving huge enlistment bonuses right now. Don't ruin your life, if you don't care of your sister then your mom will have to step up. Right now you are enabling your mom to be shitty

>>439686
Your mom is an absolute loser. Get the fuck out and bring your little sister if you can. She obviously doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. This is the one time I wished real life worked out like the movies.

>>439614
Your situation is similar to mine, anon. Therapy helps a lot. You can identify the problem you're having and why, so you're halfway there. Force yourself to think good things about people, force yourself to be genuinely nice, and if you turn out to be right about someone being a piece of shit, you can let them go knowing that you had nothing to do with it.
Also, get the fuck out of there the second you can. Don't tell anyone where you're going, don't give them any phone numbers, don't tell them you're planning to leave. Fuck off so fast nobody sees it coming. If you can, do something to get money without making it obvious you're working, like working a part-time job while pretending you're studying or taking art commissions online. As long as you're a good doormat your parents probably won't think anything of it.
Lastly: trying to fix your relationship will not work. You need to work on yourself and your parents need to pull their heads out their asses before that can even be a possibility. You'll only end up being their slave again if you make any effort to play nice.

I haven't talked to my mom in a while except to tell her that my half-sister who she doesn't care about is homeless. My half-sister is actually a piece of shit (as a result of my mom's horrible parenting) but I just wanted to prove how heartless my mother is by confronting her.

My mom is actually a sociopath (not diagnosed but anyone who knows her will agree). She only pretended to love me and my sister when she could get money from my dad, which she would then spend on herself. Hair, nails, tan, house decor–she's obsessed with her looks and has used them to get by. She's cut off all of her 5 children and doesn't care about them to the point that she could go on for the rest of her life not talking about them and pretend they don't exist. She's literally pretended that her least favorite of her kids don't exist multiple times with multiple boyfriends. I can't even process the logic but she really only had kids whenever they were financially beneficial to her. She's been divorced 4 times. She has no personality or interests, and would change her void of a personality to whatever the men she was dating were into. She would use my sister as her therapist when my sister was 8 years old. She made my self-harming and ED all about her. She eventually said she didn't care for custody of my sister but flat-out said that she just wanted money from my dad.

I also just wanna say that I don't see my mom as some villain preying on poor helpless men. My mom is an obvious sociopath so I have no sympathy for men who get used by her, they're utterly stupid.

She's a fucking horrible person and it scares me to even have half of her DNA passed down to me. I know people with incredible mothers and typically people with parent issues will have absent fathers. I really hate talking about my mother because she'd just be an MRA talking point since she's a sociopathic gold digger. I'd try to say that she's dead or something to avoid talking about her but I don't want to jinx her.

I still live with my mom and we have two cats. One of them has an Epulis and we have to pay for it to get removed. Since then, my mom has been super mean towards the poor kitty, saying stuff like "he's so ugly, he has an annoying meow, he's so stupid, the other cat is so much better and beautiful" ( and when we were waiting for the medical result, she was basically implying that she wouldn't mind if he had to die)
This makes me so sad and angry, he didn't ask to be sick and he's such an adorable kitty, always asking for love and petting. What a bitch

>>447810
Maybe this is how she copes. She's trying to be tough and distance herself emotionally from the kitty.

>>447880
That's what I thought at first. But he's not going to die and the vet says he's fine, so I don't understand why she still act like that. I think she's mad at him because it makes her spend money

>>447891

Is she under alot of pressure finance wise?

>>447895
Kind of yeah, she has no fix job but we're not completely struggling either, as she has welfare and we're not renters but owners . But sadly money is a really touchy subject with her. Also, the surgery is going to cost 200 euros, and because I worked this summer I told her I wouldn't mind to pay more than half of it. I understand that it's annoying to spends money for that, but it's a reason to reject and be mad at the poor kitty who didn't ask to be sick.

>>447905

That makes sense then, At least the cat has his treatment being paid for and you're being level headed and kinder towards him. It's shitty when people deal with stress in that way

>>448727
That was a wild ride, well done for getting out alive anon I'm so proud of you. Your life is your own, and you didn't deserve such trash parents.

>>448727
i'm glad you're out of this situation now though
good luck on getting your life on track after all you've been through, it can only get better from now on

>>449145
>>449150
Thank you so much. I was afraid to post that (in case I was being too dramatic/making something out of nothing), so your responses are really reassuring.

necroing this thread because I don't want to clog up the vent thread. I know a lot of you have much worse parents, my parents aren't abusive or narcissists but I just really need to rant about them. I doubt anyone will even read this all the way through lmao.

>parents are really religious
>"homeschooled" us for religious reasons
>didn't actually teach us anything beyond bare bones reading, writing and very basic math
>didn't socialize us, didn't teach us valuabe skills (or any skills), didn't encourage us to pursue interests/talents etc
>only thing they ever encouraged was us being religious
>incredibly superficial relationship with parents and siblings, parents never talked about anything remotely personal (except religion)
>didn't teach us anything yet expected us to know things about the world we'd have no way of knowing (in other words treated us like adults when we were children)
>mom would yell/snap at me for asking innocuous questions (she still does this)
>when other kids were at school, we were just fucking around all day waiting for dad to get home (mom was stay-at-home) never did anything productive or constructive
>didn't even instill hygiene habits in us. I didn't know I was supposed to change my underwear every day and would wear it for like 5 days in a row. didn't shower that much. smelled terrible for most of my life
>didn't know how to actually do laundry til I was like 20.
>grew up being fear-mongered about going to hell and the end of the world, now have the feeling that the world is on the verge of ending and that everything is pointless, which zaps my motivation
>mom is a hoarder, dad is a quasi-hoarder
>parents are incredibly neglectful in general
>I never slept on a bed for most of my life. either slept on the floor or the couch. had to sleep with the light on all night because I wasn't allowed to turn of the light
>didn't have pajamas; slept in my jeans/clothes that I wore through out the day
>parents randomly tried to put me in high school at 14
>I couldn't handle it bc of social anxiety, and literally being retarded as a result of how they raised me. I didn't even remotely understand any of the work they wanted me to do. I still struggle with school to this day (I'm 25 going on 26)
>I was so upset that I refused to go back into school. dad was really angry at me
>I do correspondence school for 2.5 years after that, still failed at it
>finally get GED
>get my first job at 21; literal hell
>quit to focus on school because job was treating me very unethically (like illegally)
>dad knows this and wanted me to graduate, yet was still angry at me for quitting
>I have no room to keep my clothes because of their hoarding. was constantly late for work/school because I was always losing my wallet, keys, phone, pants, shirt, socks, school supplies etc etc. I told my parents it would be easier for me to keep a job if they got rid of some of their shit so I would have room to keep track of stuff. they just get angry at me when I say this, or ignore me or roll their eyes and groan
>have 5 million mental health problems bc of how I was raised. BEGGED mom when I was 17 for therapy. she kept saying she'd get me therapy but then never would.
>I'd bring it up to her again and she'd make excuses and say "I thought you were better because you stopped mentioning it" as if I'm going to go to her and say "hey mom I wanna fuckin kill myself" every morning (and even if I did she would just start crying and saying I was nagging her)
>she finally gets me a therapist at 25. won't be able to get therapy after 26 this year because I will be cut off from insurance. definitely need therapy longer than that
>don't have a job currently, am retarded and socially retarded, no references, no connections, no skills or education (outside of GED)
>dad won't do anything (like get rid of clutter) to help me keep a job (and has never done anything that would be conducive for me getting a job/education) yet still expects me to have a job, support myself and get an education. blames me for not being able to do those, has never taken a shred of responsibility for my shitty upbringing
>parents are also both really fucking loud and obnoxious and walls are paper thin. can't go to sleep before midnight because of how goddamned loud they are, which as you can imagine limits job availability. can't even read or focus because of how fucking loud they are
>mold in my bedroom closet that has been there for 10+ years that they won't get rid of. found out it might be causing some of my mental health issues
>I can't have a serious conversation with my mom because she will 1) get upset/cry 2) victim blame/get angry 3)ignore me/roll eyes and groan
>dad has anger issues too. will act like something doesn't bother him for ages, then blows up in anger about it randomly
>25 year old failure at life, want to kill myself, not because I'm depressed (even though I am) but because I'm defective at everything and I know I will probably never be anything

and honestly there's way more I could say, I left a lot out though because I was trying to keep this relatively concise.

>>508964
>I will never be anything

anon, that is completely untrue. even getting your GED in these circumstances is a major accomplishment when you were dealt such an insanely shitty hand. i’m so sorry. are there any programs where you are that you can go to during the day to get away from the bad situation at home? maybe a drop in group therapy type of deal? i also think volunteering would be good for you, because many times it’s a very flexible thing and they will only ask you to do what you’re capable of. and if they treat you badly, there’s no harm in leaving. i really truly hope you can dig yourself out of this. you seem pretty damn articulate and smart, you’re just being held back by awful circumstances and that’s not your fault. i believe in you, anon. i only had my GED too, and you’ll be surprised how much that can help you get your first step into helping yourself escape this.

>>509046
late reply but hi anon. I think volunteering would be good for me too but I'm not really sure how to get into that, I live in a small-ish city and most places I would volunteer you have to write them and ask to volunteer and explain why and I'm not sure exactly what to say. I'm not really sure how to get into group therapy either but that sounds nice. I've been trying to get a part time job where I only have to work like 15-20 hours a week but no such luck yet. oh yeah another thing I forgot to mention is that our shower is broken (among other things in our house) and I have to go to the gym to shower which is a pain in the ass and makes it harder to maintain a job. I'll look into the things you mentioned. anyways I don't know if you'll see this but thanks for your support ♥ it means a lot to me

>>354876
gotta be one of barnaby joyce's girls surely kek

nah just yanking your chain but i'm a political reporter so I would love to know

My parents did very little for me. My mom was an alcoholic who abused both my sister and I verbally. When she was passed out drunk, one of the many men she had over would creep us out. One of them molested my little sister and to this day, i wish i had stabbed him. Never tol her about it, but she passed away in my early 20s.

My father was around but only involved in my life when it was 'fun times' and 'going to the amusement park!' so that's all he ever did for me. He never taught me any life skills and it's shit. Honestly, i'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be born even though i am struggling with money and different jobs. I'm trying to get myself through school because i have no one to rely on for financial support. It's just shit that my parents literally gave me nothing or left me any wisdom.

>>508964

Anon, that seems awful. The one way I can think of you getting out of the house is using dating apps/okcupid to go on first dates- it sounds sleazy but someone did this and it actually helped her a lot in terms of having something to do, and developing better social skills/confidence. She obviously ignored the completely gross people, only met during the day, didn’t let anyone buy her anything except maybe a coffee and would write them later saying while they were great people she didn’t feel a connection. A few of them actually turned into casual friendships.

>>508964
>>509997
I know you wrote this almost a month ago and might not be lurking anymore, but damn anon. Your upbringing sounds so similar to mine it's scary, down to the moldy closet and not having a bed.

I definitely understand feeling worthless, and although I'm still figuring out my own depression and social anxiety, it absolutely can get better. Your value is not decided by your shitty childhood. It sounds difficult with your home life, but I think you should absolutely try to find an entry level restaurant/barista/store clerk job and try to rent a room with housemates (much cheaper than your own apartment). Being self-sufficient and getting out of that house will absolutely make you feel better. How are your siblings? Can they help? Can you rent a place together?

Remember you're not a failure, anon. It's really hard getting out of a dysfunctional life when it's all you've ever known, but you do need to make a plan to get out. It doesn't get better living with the people who fucked you over, even if they promise they'll change.

One thing that has been bothering me lately is how my mom allowed my biological dad partial custody of me despite knowing how neglectful and abusive he was. I think that's because of the child support money she got. Obviously she'll take it to her grave if it's true, but otherwise it makes no sense. I'll elaborate.

My parents had divorced since I was a baby. Mom had always said they were divorced because he was mean. I knew, for example, that he had multiple kids by different women. And that he had burnt down my childhood home in retaliation for my mom leaving him. That he yelled and was mean. As I grew older, my dad did very abusive and neglectful things towards me that I didn't have the experience nor intelligence to articulate. It was my "normal." The most I could ever say was that he treated me weirdly because I didn't know what abuse and neglect were as psychological terms. When a couple of his girlfriends lived with him they tended to treat me okayish. He didn't beat me, right? Yet this man never did shit for my birthdays, never came to school functions, and did nothing for me that required effort. He didn't even have a stove or fridge at his house and I shat in a porta potty until the courts came down upon him to improve the conditions. He'd play mind games with me about these conditions like "Don't tell your mom I wash dishes from a well sprocket in the unfinished basement," or "I cook our food on a propane grill inside during winter," or "You share a bed in the attic with me sealed off with plastic because of large holes in the house and I have no heat." I listened because I was daddy's girl and didn't want to feel like I betrayed him.

It took until I was a preteen to start to see through his bullshit and made demands. Teenage demands like "Take me to the movies so I don't have to spend my weekends sitting in your garage forcing me to watch you drink beer and fix up beaters while ignoring me and isolating me." Anyway, when I started to protest about seeing my father at all, he enacted crazy-making tactics (riling me up in an argument and then secretly recording me during the climax to show the courts that my mom was making me 'unstable' and coaching me against him). I was really just that angry at him on my own accord. Dad hated paying child support, but he figured as long as he had to pay it then by god, he was entitled to me and was willing to hurt both me and my mom for it. That he did!

Anyways, he lost custody of me after doing something particularly fucked up after one of our arguments. Instead of drawing out a lengthy court battle, my stepdad offered to adopt me in exchange that my biological dad no longer be made to pay child support. Of course he took it, that's what he wanted all along! My dad was a sociopath through and through.

For years I struggled to understand why mom thought I would benefit from having this "father figure" fuck up my life. As I became an adult, she let slip bits and pieces of information about him and herself during her tirades. Stuff that she says she didn't want to tell me as a child.
Apparently in addition to being a womanizer, my dad also routinely beat and strangled her when they were married. They were only together for about two years if that, and obviously I was meant to be some kind of band aid baby for her.
All her admissions have done has made me extremely angry and resentful towards her.
1. I feel lied to about who he was. While I was insecure and confused because I couldn't understand why my dad didn't seem to care like other dads, she was playing "good parent" by insisting that my dad actually loved me. As an adult she reneged on this and said he probably never loved me all along. Yeah no shit!
2. She let me go and stay with someone who beat and strangled women!!! Is it any wonder why he neglected and abused me?! When I pointed this out as an adult, her first excuse was that he was manipulative in court and had good legal counsel. That doesn't hold up because when I asked her if she told the court about him strangling her she said no. Her second excuse was "I just wanted you to have a normal life." It's like no, none of it was normal and you know it. I told you as much back then but you forced this situation anyway. It took my dad permanently traumatizing me that anyone did squat for me. Actually my STEPDAD stepped up, not her!
3. She claimed she used to see him abandon me. When I'd be forced to spend my summer vacation with this man, he'd leave me around town to my own devices while he went to hang with friends. It's amazing I wasn't kidnapped, raped, and murdered. She claims she once saw me at some boat docks by myself and how sad that was and how I looked so lonely. Bitch, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ANYBODY?! WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?! WHY DIDN'T YOU IMMEDIATELY JUMP OUT YOUR CAR AND GO RESCUE YOUR LITTLE GIRL PACING AROUND DOCKS AND ELECTRIC CABLES?!?!?!?!

If not for the money, what was all my suffering for? Clearly I got nothing positive from this besides a lifetime of non-closure, trauma, and questions. I cannot imagine treating my own children this way. I cannot imagine being such a non-advocate for your own flesh and blood.

i fucking hate my dad so much. I want him dead so fucking badly. The world would be a better place without him. Everyone would be so much happier. Every time I interact with him, I just think about how much he deserves to die. This sounds homicidal af I know, but I would never do anything to hurt him. Getting him out of my life wouldnt be enough, as I'm scared of what he'll do to my mum. It's pure hell.

How does one get over the feeling of worthlessness caused by narcissistic parenting?

I always struggle with this ridiculous underlying feeling that unless I am a billionaire with 5 PHDs, 2 shiny sport cars, and a house, I am absolutely worthless. I know and acknowledge that this stems from the fact that my Nmom constantly compared me to my peers who were more successful than me when I was growing up, berated me for the smallest mistakes I did and made me feel like I'm not enough, but I just can't seem to let go of this mindset.

The funny thing is, I moved away from home and cut all contact with my Nparent MONTHS ago in hopes that my life would get better, but now it feels like all my efforts were useless because she's inside my head.

>>517653
Realistically your upbringing is always your baseline. You have to learn to challenge and deflect it - you will have to do it purposefully at first, but over time it will become natural to shut down that shit. Will it go away forever? No, probably not. Will you move past it and live a fulfilling life? Absolutely, if you're dedicated to putting the work in. Good luck, anon.

>>517653
Take note of expectations vs. what actually happens. Example: let's say that nmom's voice shuts down your optimism for a piece of art you wanted to make. Maybe you have self defeating thoughts about it. Write them down, but then try your best on the art anyway. Write the results. Maybe it turns out that it was completely worth while and you feel better having done it, which you didn't expect. You'll slowly gather proof that your own truth matters more. Slowly, in theory, you will learn to trust yourself more. I have a similar struggle anon. This is just something my therapist recommended me.

How do you know if you had a NPD parent?

My parents are alcoholics and my mom is in total denial she has a problem. It's stressing me out so fucking bad.

didn't realize that what my mom did was sexual abuse until a few months ago. I'm close to offing myself, I just can't. There's no support for victims, no sympathy at all and I am eternally exhausted trying to improve myself for ten years now only to find that not even the last thing I held out I was safe from. I don't think I'll ever be able to be open about it because society doesn't ever want to admit women can be monsters and my mother is inhuman. I wasn't even human growing up. Just a toy. I honestly always thought if there wasn't penetration it wasn't CSA and realizing that's not true I….

>>660078
Kys scrote stop necroing