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Growing up I lived with my father and narcissistic ps addict stepmom, I was raised in an enviroment that emphasized appearance/lookism. If you weren't attractive and well dressed you were considered trash and deemed as a worthless being. I got bullied a lot for my appearance when I was in elementary school all the way til I was in highschool by pretty much everyone in my family, peers, people who I thought were my friends, kids who didn't like me, crushes, strangers–it felt like everyone had something bad to say about my looks. A few instances I can recall are when I was in middle school, I heard a phone call between my best friends, they were going down a list of everything that was fucked and ugly about my appearance. A second instance was when my old sister's friends(they were in high school) started saying horrible things about me in a picture of us she uploaded onto fb. Much like my "best friends" they made deprecating comments about my face. My sister was aware of what was being said and how I felt about it but refused to take down the picture until half a year later. When I went to high school I was determined to look good, I did every thing I could think of to change my look I got a new haircut, dyed+hair perm, eyebrows done, cardio exercise, wore tighter clothes, got contacts, piercings, tanned, mole removal, retainers, makeup, anything to be "less disgusting". People thought I was attractive for once and I did feel better about myself but my self esteem and self worth was still in the trash, a few years later I get diagnosed with a disease that fucked with my weight and appearance and that made me hella depressed, and the whole cycle of being bullied for my looks started again. I lost most of my friends, I went out less, I wore more makeup, and I got an ED. I was very lonely during that time. I ended up getting surgery to free me from the illness but the ED stayed with me, the first thing on my mind was looking good again. I reconnected with my close group from my original hs and I started my "hot" ritual again. One of my friends from this group went to a uni out of state so I wasn't close with him, during one of his vists he saw me without makeup and made a huge deal about it to my friends and he kept talking shit about me behind my back about how I look without it. I ended up cutting ties with this friend group (mainly due to other reasons) I'm 23 now and I have a loving bf who thinks I'm beautiful without makeup, he hates it whenever I wear it but since I'm self concious af I put it on anyways. He doesn't understand how these experiences fucked with my self outlook and he gets frustrated with me whenever I talk about what has happened to me in the past and how it's shaped my bodydismorphia. It's impossible to talk to him about it without him taking it the wrong way or saying that I'm using the past as an excuse or being a victim. My bf can be harsh about this stuff because he doesn't believe that people should keep their past hardships as a cripple. I want and I plan on getting plastic surgery to "fix" what I think is wrong with my face. My bf totally against it and I think he thinks that I'm doing it for other people's approval. I'm doing it for my own self perception, for what I want to see in the mirror. I'm lucky to have finally found someone who doesn't think that I'm a disfigured disgusting monster but I feel ugly when I take off my makeup. I want to get my eyelids evened out (pic related, not me) a nose job, jaw surgery, injections and maybe ass surgery. My bf thinks I'm a lunatic and I know that it's not normal to think like this. I went to see many therapists and counsellors and they always tell me "UR NOT UGLY U DON'T NEED SURGERY" blablabla. I've consulted with two surgeons, one rejected me because he suspected that I had BD. My family are also against me getting plastic surgery despite partially contributing to it, I know that things can go wrong, addiction, and that plastic surgery doesn't solve everything and if anything it can make things worse but I still want to get it done.
you’re an idiot lmao but you’ll be ok. please stop smoking though until you’re out of your mum’s house. she’s probably really concerned about you, though she’s showing it in a shitty way by invading your privacy.
and you know, perhaps keep a decoy diary as well as a real diary.
I only ever used pads because I have weirdly repressed parents and my mother would tell me that shoving a tampon up my vagina would take my virginity when I was a teenager. Once I went shopping with her and when she saw menstrual cups near the lingerie parts of the store she wouldn't top saying how disgusting and sinful it was etc.
I'm sick of using pads because I have to change them really often and I'm terrified I'll stain my clothes, which happened once because I had no cramps and I had no idea I was on my periods, in public. You think it would be better to start with tampons before trying a menstrual cup? A friend told me it'll take time to get used to using tampons so I'm guessing that's especially true for menstrual cups.
tampons are extremely ez. I put off using them because I was afraid it would hurt,if anything it's just a little uncomfortable, but when u push the applicator at the last step you can't feel it at all. Try out tampax pearl!
I've never tried menstrual cups. My friend had them and stopped using them. I think she stopped using them because it was too much effort or someshit? I honestly don't remember.
Move out and get your own life. Until that, no smoking inside the house, especially not in your fucking room (how did you even think of that brilliant idea?).
Otherwise, just pick up your weed with your hand. Maybe put it in a bag. Then go outside somewhere nice and quiet where there's no one around, maybe even with a friend. Then, you smoke the weed you picked up there. Then, when you're feeling ready, you go back home.
In any case, she knows you smoke (people are not completely retarded) but you'll have to hope that she doesn't care enough to do something drastic about it.
I'm a tampon user. I hate using them but I can't stand pads and i tried a cup and had an absolute disaster with it and it has put me off trying it again for a little while. I struggled to get mine in for a while and the one time I thought I had it, it leaked everywhere and the last time I tried putting it in, it pinged open before it was fully inserted and it tore me up a bit.
My own fault for the last incident but I couldn't bear to look at my cup after that. It really hurt me. Just like anything, it works for some but not for others. Especially those of us that are clumsy!
We do have a cup thread >>70602>>91562
Tampons and cups aren't that similar, but if it's less intimidating to start with tampons, you can do that. If you start by using cups and do a dry run, you could try using some lube.>>91571
I'm sorry you had a bad experience. If you want to try something else not that you have to
I'd suggest the SoftDisc. People criticize it because it's not like a up, but I think it's actually decent. Just make sure you are sitting when you insert/remove it. It is a blood drawer, but honestly the mess is pretty contained. It's also around $11/box, so you're not out too much if you dislike them.
Fam I need some sex advice pls.
I’m scared of everything while having sex, I'm overthinking. I’m pretty passive and I hate that fact and really want to change. It’s not that I don’t enjoy sex, I’m just a fucking coward and let the guy dictate whatever.
I feel stupid while performing and this makes me also feel judged. So I shut down and refuse to do anything.
It took me months to work up the courage for a bj, I just couldn’t force myself to do it although I really wanted to.
I’m just so insecure and afraid that he’ll not like what I do, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m executing poorly, at what point it’s starting to get boring and so on. I’m just so fucking insecure about everything.
Even kissing, I want to caress his body but when I do it, after 3 kisses on the chest I’m thinking “well that must be boring for him, better do something better!” I know that everything I said above is probably bullshit because I don’t feel that way when guys do stuff to me but idk man, my brain is so useless. I question everything I do and don’t do and can’t just “go with the flow”.
How can I get over this and just enjoy the other person and myself? Does anybody else have the same issues?
You paid the full price up front? That sounds a little shady. Most artists (including myself) charge half up front and the rest once it's done.
If the sketch is not what you asked for, it's well within your rights to ask for changes. Idk, to me the guy sounds shady af. If I were you I'd shoot him another polite message explaining that you will be forced to open a dispute on paypal if he keeps ignoring you.
I too had to teach myself how to use tampons as an adult. At first I put them in wrong and it would hurt. I was using OB brand and not putting them in far enough. Definitely use a plastic dispenser kind.
I recommend Playtex Sport.
I have recently started using a cup. The first one was too big. The current one fits well. I still worry about leaks when its heavy. To remedy this I just use a pantyliner my heavy days, for piece of mind.
Oh and I still use tampons if Im somewhere too long where I won’t be able to empty and wash my cup in privacy (school).
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A fair that only opens once a year is open right now and I’d want to go for a couple reasons:
>all i normally do is stay in my room all day completely isolated and i want to do something non-mundane for once
>i like the rides and food
>im under the delusion that if i leave my house maybe people will talk to me
But the fair is pretty far away, around an hour drive or more. Also I’m not sure if being a young woman alone (i have no friends to go with) in a stranger-filled urban area is safe? And is it even worth it? Would i even have fun going to a fair all alone?
Is there a point in going anons?
Thanks for your advice! I don't have a guy atm but that is actually helpful and I kind of asked my ex to vocalize his thoughts (but he couldn't do more than "all of this feels good") but I thought about this and realized that my problem is not just about sex, it pervades every aspect of my life. I'm just so fucking insecure, I'm scared of cooking for/with somebody, of playing sports with friends (because I think I'll only embarrass myself by sucking), I'm scared of going to ikea with people because it would only bore them to be with me. I stayed at home for almost every social gathering we had at the university because I was too nervous, this is only changing slowly.
I have no self-esteem.
I basically deny myself the confidence to do ANYTHING. I don't want to go to therapy, but I know I have to do something about this…
My last relationship was emotionally abusive and controlling, I think this is where a lot of this urge to explain and hate myself is coming from.
How can I build confidence and not be scared of everyday interaction?
i used to be like this big time but it a was mostly back when my sexuality wasn't completely developed so i wanted to have had sex more than actually have it if you know what i mean.
nowadays i'm so horny and focused on objectifying my bf during sex that i forget all about myself and how i might be perceived lol.
it might help you to read up on buddhist approaches to minimizing ego because in your case it sounds like you're so worried about this imagined vision of yourself that it's preventing you from actually experiencing things. it's like you're watching yourself and getting nervous because you know you're being watched. "cutting through spiritual materialism" by chogyam trungpa really helped me because it outlines all the ways that ego fixation sabotages people in day to day life, and it's written in a way that's approachable to anyone regardless of other beliefs.
it also helped me to fantasize when i fap in a way where i'm in the fantasy but the focus is on me. before that i would just think about other people getting on but not me because i was embarrassed, but now i imagine myself with whoever i think is hot, but instead of worrying about what i look like, i just think about what i'd like to do to them and what i want them to do to me.
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I don't have a big chest, but I assume that you could wear very light weight and flowy blouses that are full coverage? Pic related.
Now, this will make you look bigger in general, but I guess it would be for a good cause. >>91854
Bad advice. Men don't give 2 shits about your clothes as long as you're showing skin and they think it's hot.
I hate living with my mom, she makes me miserable by treating me like a child and making decisions on my behalf that effect my jobs and friendships and I know her goal is to isolate me as much as possible as she ages so she can trick me into being her live in maid in exchange for a free room. She's already cost me two jobs in the last two years, gaslit me to the poi t where all my friends abandoned me because they couldn't handle my "depression" and my "unwillingness to fix my situation" which was really me being unable to leave because every time I get a good job or save up some money, suddenly I need to replace a less-than-year-old tire, or suddenly my oil plug on my car was loosened/stripped, or suddenly I can't get to work on time bc my uniform keeps getting "misplaced" or some other """random inconvenience""" my mother plays dumb and helpleas about. Shes ruining my life and I need so desperately to get away from her and her narc bullshit, but now that I don't have any more friends to rely on I really don't know what to do or where to go.
My dream is to go to LA, not to get famous or model or act because I'm a realist, but because I never want to live in another small town again, amd because I want to live in a city surrounded by successful, beautiful people who aren't just sitting on their wide, flat asses watching Judge Judy on repeat while eating fried chicken. I don't know how people find places to live/roommates, and I know that despute being able to transfer with my job I still need a place to live once I get there, but I don't know where to look from where I am now or how to get anyone to take me seriously. Apparently you can move to LA if you have delusions of grandeur and no solid plan to achieve your fame and riches, but if all you want is to disappear into a big city and build yoir financial stability to one day have yoir own place people won't take you seriously.
I guess the advice I need is, how the fuck do I find a place to live over the internet that isn't gonna be an overpriced shoebox filled with roaches, or a nice affordable place with a batshit insane renter/roomie? I'm so close to getting in my car and just driving away, changing my phone number and telling my mom to fucking kill herself for all the hell she's putting me through and has put me through in my life. I need help but I don't know how to ask for it without everyone I ask thinking I just mean "hand me money". I need real adults giving me real advice, not ignorant white trash whose mommy and daddy vought them a trailer telling me to just work 5x harder than everykne for scraps because "that's how life is". I know my life can be better, I have more work ethic and ambition than anyone in my sorry ass family and I'm sick of being regarded as a lazy asshole looking for handouts because I'm the only one of them who didn't P-trap an older guy into helping me pay for everything when I was 16-19.
Sorry for the rant, I'm just crying thinking about how Venus got away from Magro and got everyrhing she ever wanted while I'm trapped with an even worse narc & nobody cares at all.
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fuck anon i really feel for you. she sounds like a narc nightmare and i'm so sorry she robbed you like that. you're seriously very strong (not just uwu you're so strong) for preserving your own ambitions and convictions like that despite her decades of trying to replace yours with her own desires. you deserve all the comfort in the world.
now onto logistic stuff. i grew up in CA and rent is so fucking expensive right now, especially LA,that to have any kind of stability you need to have really good job security or a big financial safety net,i.e. parents or savings, otherwise you're going to be mad scrambling to pay your rent at best
. I'm not saying that to crush your dream, but because you need to be very careful and have a very specific
plan in order to avoid not being another example of someone not realizing how expensive it really is and either hitting rock bottom or just going back home. That doesn't mean LA is off the table, but it's not a good place to just drop everything and drive to, because it costs so much to set yourself up there, even with 5 roommates. I don't know what region you're in, but any state's biggest city is going to have a lot more job and networking opportunities than a very small town, you basically said it yourself. Do research on lots of cities and compare craigslist rent prices, indeed job listings, find out what people say about the culture etc, and I think you'll find one that's more affordable than LA but with more doors to open than your current home. If you find some interesting gigs and aquaintences in one city, it'll be a lot easier to "upgrade" and transfer those things to your dream city, plus hopefully with more job opportunities and a more reasonable rent than LA, you can eventually start saving money.
Anyway, I hope you do just get in your car and drive away from her, but it pays to do a lot of research to avoid rude awakenings, and a lot of less famous cities are underrated, especially if what you want is ambitious fashionable peers and more opportunities.
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>>92159>amd because I want to live in a city surrounded by successful, beautiful people who aren't just sitting on their wide, flat asses watching Judge Judy on repeat while eating fried chicken.
If that's seriously what you think LA is like you are in for a shock. And you aren't going to find anywhere to live here if you are poor.
Find another "big city" to escape to until you have saved enough money. GL.
There are plenty of decent cities that aren't LA/NYC/etc. You won't be able to afford living in a big expensive city, hate to break it to you, unless you have at least 10k in savings or a good job lined up as >>92168
pointed out. You can't live in an amazing big nice apartment with a great roommate/landlord in a big city unless you have enough money, it's just the way the world works.
So I’m from the States and I’ve been living in the same city all my life. I’m so bored here and I feel trapped. I was thinking about taking a break from school and getting a Visa to live in Australia for a year. It might not even be a year for me. I just need a period to live and explore an area not my own. Anything I should know? I’ve been told that Sydney and Melbourne are really expensive, so I migh save up a bit before I go. >>92159
I feel for you but if you really want to live in L.A, you’re gonna have to make some sacrifices. Just accept that your apartment is going to be kinda shitty with quite a few roommates or maybe living in a suburb 40 mins to an hour downtown. Also make sure you have a car, because getting around in L.A without one is a nightmare.
Also like anon said, it’s worth checking out cities that aren’t crazy expensive, especially if they have a similar feel to L.A. Like San Diego for instance.
How do I develop myself as a person? Like hobbies/interests/ideals/etc? Just being normal? I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness until I was 17, I also spent a lot of my adolescence in and out of mental hospitals, I did camming/online sex work shit from 19-21. I’m about to be 22, I’m learning about radical feminism and am into that atm. I also watch a lot of documentaries. I feel like my upbringing and life experiences have made me too much of a “ deep thinker” i don’t wanna sound like I’m being pretentious I’m just awful at small talk and a lot of interaction feels shallow to me because so much of my life has been so mentally heavy
and I’m not good at “normal” social interactions. I just wanna be a normie.
Victorian here, Melbourne is a wasteland of sneering snobs in all-black, with bad coffee and dirty rain.
Perth is at least usually sunny, and the snobs have the money to be snobby.
Alright anon I’ll bite and try to tackle this for you.
Step 1 you’ve gotta admit to yourself you aren’t the best and you don’t know everything. Therefore there is value in actually talking to other people and taking in what they say. If what they’ve said was not important just delete it afterwards from your brain, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
Other than that you have time to find hobbies and what you enjoy, you mentioned an enjoyment in feminism, ok start reading about it and finding things that intersect with it to grow your hobby.
You should challenge yourself to keep trying new things nobody knows what they like until they do it.
Ultimately if you don’t waste some time talking to people you’ll never get better or find any meaningful friendships and relationships, give people a chance because you’re right you come off as an entitled self labeled “genius” that’s too good for everyone based on what you said and people can pick that up if you’re reluctant to talk to them.
Also think about joining online communities related to your interests to practice talking with others on topics you actually like. If you’re in school, check out if there’s any relevant clubs on campus to join.
Starting out talking about things in common should help you open up and get better at social interaction.
Social skills are incredibly important and will help you advance yourself in so many ways, from career wise to personally it’s extremely valuable to be a good talker and this should become a priority for you. You don’t have to become the best public speaker there ever was but work on understanding what people mean behind their words and learn to speak on a variety of subjects and to relate on at least some level with others will help you so much.
I did post in the relationship advice thread that his ex started following me on Instagram. He’s always been open with me about her, and told me him and her had met up for “closure” since they just fizzled out and never had an official end. He’s not following her on any social media. >>92563
We talked today. I think he was a little hurt that I even entertained the idea of him being unfaithful, but he was very reassuring.
Okay final update: I finally got a message from her. “Closure” did indeed mean “one final shag”. I’m really upset that he didn’t admit this when I first confronted him. I’m taking both his ex and his stories into account. I’m giving him a second chance since this is still in the beginning, we haven’t had sex yet and were only on our fifth or so date. In the back of my mind I’ve always had a slight feeling about this.
I’m sticking with him for now but pulling back a bit emotionally and now taking most things with a huge grain of salt so that trust can build back up.
congrats on possibly moving out!
honestly if you're already working then you're way better off than someone who's a NEET, since you already have experience with responsibility and regular obligations. just remember to pay your bills and do a little bit of cleaning every day, because if you don't, trust me, you'll have a disgusting sty before you knew what hit ya. Aim for the side of being a neat freak rather than putting stuff off until tomorrow. Save procrastinating for when you're drunk or super busy, otherwise, if you make it a habit, you'll have a luna hovel. If you're going to live alone, lock your windows and doors every night before you go to sleep. If you have roommates, don't be afraid to take up space and lounge about casually in common rooms. Do your part, but spread out and treat the place like it's yours, because hiding in your room and being avoidant is a self fulfilling prophecy. The more you do it, the harder it'll be to break out.
but also relax! lots of people in their 20s are late on bills sometimes. lots of people in their 20s are kind of messy. lots of people feel weird and scared when they're alone sometimes. lots of people feel awkward around their roommates. it's never just you. as long as you don't drop everything and let it go to shit, there's really not much to worry about. everything might seem very isolating and visceral at first, but if you remember that you're just as capable as anyone else (you are) and you're in control, then you have nothing to fear.
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Wasn't sure if I should post this here or in the obsession thread, but decided for this thread as I'm not exactly obsessed and I need advice…
Some time ago, a certain goodreads user has sent me a message. I replied something but later on ghosted her due to being freaked out how similar she appeared to me in her interests.
Some time ago, I've accidentally stumbled on her blog and I am seriously considering writing to her. I really need a female friend that I can connect with.
(Despite being a complete lonely loser, two nice girls from my finished studies reach out two me which I appreciate, but they are too normie for me to truly be myself when I talk with them…).
I'm sort of on the fence because I find her both intriguing and infuriating. You will see why - here's her short description.
Keep in mind she's like 29-30 y/o.
>a fellow depression sufferer and a prolific journal writer
>loves Sylvia Plath, Nancy Spungen, Virginia Woolf and other mentally ill women artists (just as I do)…
>…but is also obsessed with Courtney Love despite of plenty of proof she's an abusive piece of shit (and no, I do not mean the 'she killed Kurt' conspiracy from which she benefits anyway)
>interested in Columbine (just as I am, though she is dangerously close to a fangirl…)
>is genuinely intelligent and seems like a cool person to write long emails with
>her journal posts are fun to read as they are incredibly personal but also tend to come off as pretentious and a bit immature.
She writes loooong blog posts about how deep and meaningful Hole/NIN lyrics are, for example.
>also interested in fringe topics like sea catastrophes, including the Titanic one, but also less well-known
>nihilistic outlook on life
>the deal breaker: she's a drug addict. I believe she takes hard drugs from what she wrote but I don't know shit about drugs (and I'd prefer to leave it this way)
Keep in mind I'm not from the USA so it's hard to meet someone else with interests mentioned above.
The question is: do I get in touch with this personal lolcow?
I feel like we have so much in common (forgot about plenty of things), but it also triggers me that she is so simmilar to me. I know how stupid it is but I feel a sense of panic when someone seems to be a better version of myself. It's like I have no identity suddenly.
I guess I'm envious that she's able to write shitton of content while being depressed why my illness makes writing very hard for me - I get exhausted before I write 200 words, so I'm extremely slow.
I am worried that she might be a bad influence on me, but on the same time, I crave being able to talk to another girl who's like me.
Sorry if I don't make sense or if I lowkey sound like a cow myself.
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What can i do to be more confident about my choices? i always wanted to go to this uni and then figure out they don teach the material/technique that i want to learn,its my life long dream to study at that school and it seems like all my attempt just goes straight down the drain…Everytime i heard a friend of mine got accepted,and be happy,it hurts me so much.I am also back and fort with either re-apply (at least i study with like minded people) or move on and face the harsh truth…what should i do?
If your dream school doesn't teach your dream discipline in the end you'll have to make a harsh choice anyway.
Since it's uni, I'd suggest to pick the option that's the most likely to land you a job. Studying in a great place can make some very fun years, but it's just not worth it if it means you're going to struggle to find work for the rest of your life
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How do i stop comparing myself to others? its just a habit that i cant get rid of…
Everyone does that to some degree, because after all it's the only way to know whether you're on the right track in your life or if you're completely unhinged
What can be harmful in always comparing yourself to others is if it leads you to jealousy, or to constant unsatisfaction with who you are even if you're making efforts to improve yourself. Just keep reminding yourself that someone being better than you at something doesn't mean you're a bad person, just a different person
>>92943>constant unsatisfaction with who you are even if you're making efforts to improve yourself
ugh this. it helps to ask yourself if the quality you're comparing >is something you can change right now>is something that necessarily needs to change
if it's something you can't change, take comfort in that. if it's something you can change right now, work on a plan to change it and talk to yourself in a disciplinary but ultimately positive and motivational way. if it's something you can change, but it might take months or years, brainstorm a plan, and in the mean time remind yourself of how far you've come and remind yourself of your current strengths and nice qualities.
i do this because i'm very prone to beating myself up and feeling worthless if i'm not exactly like the greatest person i know. BUT positive self talk often makes me feel coddled and like i'm just making excuses for everything. so the key is to ask realistic questions to yourself and answer in a way that's also realistic, but leaning positive.
Thank you so much for replying to my post, anon. I've been still pondering if I should talk to her or not.
I am worried because she seems to be a slightly rotten person.
She's a much more prolific writer than me (which I am incredibly envious about! and in awe), she has good taste in art but there is a darkness to her that goes beyond reading about true crime. For example, she wrote about how she's the woman other men often cheat on their gfs/wives with and how it hurts her when they tell her she's only good for a fuck and not to have a relationship/family with (as she notices, the guys are the ones who are the worst for cheating on their significant others, but…).
I will try to write to her, though I'm scared. You are right that I might learn something from the experience.
How do I get over an extreme obsession with someone? I can't like people or connect with people 99.9% of the time but when I genuinely do it gets out of control. I met my ex bf and instantly got to the point of obsession with him and it was mutual, everything was perfect for months and I finally felt happy and didn't want to kill myself 24/7..Then, we broke up.
He's still all I think about all day. I read through all his chatlogs in Discord servers. We still speak but it's a lot less than before. He's all I have to look forward to and I pretty much just spend my whole day waiting for him to respond to me. I cut off my friends for him while we were dating and I just don't WANT new friends
First thing to do imo is to get an idea on what kind of car you want; model, year, mileage, color, manual or automatic? Craigslist can be shady and if you do find what you're looking for make sure you bring a friend or family member and meet with the seller in a public place. Ask why they're selling, and check with Kelley Blue Book to determine the actual value (most people like to over price because they assume you're gonna haggle). Ask for the VIN number as well and use Carfax or any other site to see the vehicles history, some sellers will already have it posted on the ad but if they refuse I would be cautious as it could be severely damaged from a previous accident(s)or stolen!
Idk what your budget or financial situation is like but if you can, apply for a car loan through your bank; I did this last year and ended up being able to buy a brand new Civic (although I still have 4 more years left of payments but it was worth it)
>He's all I have to look forward to
that's the main/only reason you can't get over him. It's rather common after a breakup to keep thinking about your ex whenever you have a free moment, and sadly it's not something you can fix with sheer willpower. However, you can still ease up the situation by keeping yourself busy with something so that you have almost no free moment to think about him. Try to do something new, time-consuming and exciting to keep your mind out of him. After a few months/a year you'll notice your obsession will have greatly weakened
>I cut off my friends for him while we were dating
That's a bit concerning, did he want you to do this? If he did it's an abusive behavior, and what you're feeling right now may be an effect of him trying to make you completely emotionaly dependent of him
Yes, he was fairly abusive I guess and this is why I'm having so much trouble getting over him, I guess. He would freak out over me talking to other males and just generally didn't even want me looking at other males.
Thank you for the advice, I'll try my hardest
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I finally asked my mom what to do and she only said go to the doctor, but it embarrasses me too much.
I read that putting a hot-water bottle on it helps the hair to come out, so I did that the last 2 days.
Now I stupidly thought again I could fix it and pressed and probed at it for half an hour, but only blood came out.
It healed pretty well the last few days, only the scar/discolouration and bump under the skin remained, but now it looks horrible again.
I hate myself so much for that, I just can't leave it alone…
Government jobs are pretty comfy, but if you're moving in january it'll have to wait. Definitely go back to that Ulta manager and go talk to your husband about all you're feeling, since there are good chances he's just as affected as you are.
Honestly even if you're in deep despair right now you don't seem lost. You're already coming up with a realistic solution and have a pretty good idea of what you should do, even if at the moment you're probably living the worst year of your life. Do exactly what you intend to do, that should be enough to put yourself back on your feet
thanks anon, I needed that tbh. I'm gonna tell my husband tonight, I just want him to not have to worry about it right away. I'm not gonna hide it from him just don't wanna smack him with it. He knows i was on my last legs at work already and that I've been sad today about something so it won't completely blindside him or anything.
I'll look into the government jobs, I know someone who's worked for the post office before that i can ask about it. thank you again, it felt good to just get it all out there and not feel alone with it until I can tell him.
Thank you so much anon! <3
Is it okay to ask the seller to provide the carfax if they don't have it?
I've also been considering getting a car loan as well to buy something at a dealership, however I'm paranoid that I won't be able to make the car payments and then go into debt… idk maybe my fear is irrational but this is my first car purchase and I really don't wanna fuck it up lol
The main difference between online and real life friends is that you usually connect with online friends because of mutual interests that you learn right upon meeting the person, like playing the same game or being both fans of the same series.
When you meet people IRL you know nothing about them and it takes time just to know what they're into. It's even harder to get their intentions: someone online who doesn't like you will just block or ghost you, someone IRL who doesn't like you still has to answer to you and act politely with you, which is exactly how that person would act if they actually didn't mind talking with you. What I mean is if you had nothing but online friends you'll feel like it's impossible for you to connect with people IRL, but the fact is it's rather hard for everyone.
A good trick to connect with coworkers is to ask them to suggest you a good place to eat for the lunch break, and then to go there together. If they're too boring, go do outside activities you find fun, like book clubs or whatever sport you'd find enjoyable. Volunteering for a charity will work too. The goal here isn't to turn yourself into a social butterfly and become friends with everyone, but to meet as many people as you can and to befriend the few ones you'll find easy to talk to
I understand this, anon. You need the bras and shoes, though. Think of the purchases in a different way. If your bra costs 30 dollars, after you wear it for 60 days (not consecutively), it cost you 0.50 a day to wear that bra. Usually bras are good for a couple years, so eventually you will be paying even less per wear.
That helped me when I got myself measured and needed to buy new bras. By the way, the way I felt with the new bras was so much better than with the old ones that didn't fit or had stretched out. I felt healthier and better. That was worth every penny.
Same thing applies to new shoes if the old ones are too worn out to repair.
anon, you need to leave it alone. Don't let yourself look at it for awhile. Put antibiotic ointment on it and hide any implements you're using to poke at it.
Once it has healed over completely, go to the pharmacy and buy a lotion with lactic acid in it. You can get a prescription for one with a higher percentage, or buy the highest over-the-counter one you can find.
When I was in the US, I was prescribed a higher percentage version of Amlactin. You can get a decent one without a prescription: https://www.amazon.com/AmLactin-12-Moisturizing-Lotion/dp/B000TTPZQ6
If you can't get a lotion with lactic acid, another option is one with urea. This is a more popular treatment in Europe and does not require a prescription.
It will take time to see results. Use the lotion every day. And if you ever want to pick at the spot, have something else ready to do. It won't help. It needs to heal. You don't want permanent scars on your legs from digging into your skin.
I injured my legs over the course of 2 years because I was obsessed with ingrown hairs. I had disgusting open wounds all over them for a long time. I am lucky I didn't end up with a staph infection, and even luckier that I only have a few small scars from it. But since I got the idea to fuck around with my legs from the internet, I thought it would be good to write something here, in case you end up on a similar path.
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try melatonin, i have some trouble falling asleep and this helps a lot.
I second >>93120
building your core muscles will help hold yourself up straight. Also it might sound funny, but check your feet posture. I noticed I was subconsciously crossing my feet while standing and placing my weight on the inside of my foot rather than the outside - both of which contributed to my
bad posture. Besides that it really is a "practice makes perfect" thing, after you notice and correct your posture so many times your body will eventually make it the default.
Yeah, I realize now I shouldn't have jumped into a 10mg, but that night my aunt gave me the pill & said that the 10mg were the only ones that worked.
The other ingredients are: Vegetable Cellulose, Gelatin, Silica, & Vegetable Magnesium Stearate
I googled them and it said that they were super common additives to medicine & food. I'm going to get an allergy test done, I can't rn because I've got a weird rash on my hands that the doc thinks is my thyroid. He says they won't do the allergy tests until my hands clear up.
Until the tests I'm going to steer clear of it, and I learned taking 50mg of benadryl knocks me on my ass so I'll take that instead lol
This is a tricky one. Normally I want to say that if this is your best friend, you should absolutely be there for your friend despite whatever issues you have with the family (you're her best friend, not her families). However, since she didn't reach out to you about it for support aside from needing an address, and given that you don't have your own means of transportation & would have to rely on her family for that, I can see where you have an out not to go.
I would approach your friend about it. Just give her a call or send a thoughtfully written text just saying "hey, I know this is about you & I want to be there for you wherever you need me, but I feel awkward bc I don't have transportation & should I bring my SO?"
You know? Work out the details with her. If it's all too overwhelming for her to deal with she'll let you know one way or another. I say just be honest, and as long as you make the effort to let her know that you're truly there for her in other ways, she'll understand if you can't make it to the actual ceremony.
I say this as someone who just lost their brother & is dealing with the other side of all this. Good luck to you and your friend
I'm so sorry for your terrible year of loss. Grief is so hard, and I'm sorry that you had to lose your job as a result of all this.
Sounds like you could use a break. Take some of this time off to really be there for your husband while he grieves his grandmother. Go hike with him somewhere, you know? Make a date out of it & nuture your marriage, sounds like you two need whatever comfort you can get.
As far as the job, you basically answered your own question. You're interested in working in makeup, and you're in luck, because there are A LOT of ways to make that happen. Applying at Ulta is simple enough, you have nothing to lose by just going for it. If they remember you, they'll probably be thrilled to hear that you have more time to dedicate to them now.
If not, its their loss. Try another makeup store. It'll be a temporary gig since you're moving so you don't have to sweat too much. Cast a wide net, apply to lots of places, and see what you reel in.
Best of luck and a big hug to you and your husband.
Yeah, I feel lowkey aroused most of the time but have been that way since puberty. There are days where it actually distracts me from whatever I'm doing and puts me on edge. This is especially worsened if I'm working around a person who I find attractive, since I'll just think of sex non-stop. tmi but I used to masturbate in the school bathrooms because I had such little control over my libido when it first kicked in. I think I accidentally got a male sex drive tbh, since I also automatically picture sex with every person I meet. It's ridiculous.
If your symptoms are really dramatic (visibly shaking and having actual high blood pressure and shit) you might want to consult someone though. Otherwise it may just be high arousal and is pretty normal if you're a horny bitch. And like you said it's not totally inexplicable since it set off by male touch.
How would being pale make you look unapproachable? Unless you've got a goth look going on I doubt anyone cares lmao.
t. olive skin and still unapproachable
(Self tanners are probably your safest bet if you don't mind paying the money. The higher end ones look less orange, at least to my eyes.)
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Because I look so sick and tired all the time. Kind of like that one unpopular kid in class who spends their day in front of the computer instead of being outside with friends. (I'm form a white country so tan skin = a popular and active person, who's always outside and travels, while pale skin is completely undesireable.)
For years now I was a weeb and into kpop, thought I looked "special" because I stuck to their beauty standards, but it actually just alienated me from my peers.
My hair is rather dark on top of that, so the contrast makes it look even worse.
I also think it mkes me look super boring; invisible is probably the better word to describe me.
Pic related, I know that it's partly because she's smiling, but also in general she just seems to look a lot more friendly and less arrogant (also younger?) with a tan.
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I am also from a country where white people are undesirable and everybody wants to be tan. My classmates would always pick on me why I am so pale and sick looking. Now the roles have changed and they ask me what skin products I use since I don't look like a wrinkly leather couch like them kek. Be confident anon, stay out of the sun, make your pale skin fashionable like Dita Von Teese. If we would start sunbathing we would end like Alexis Bledel: really old looking and wrinkly.
Same problem, I'm in a country where being ghostly white is really uncommon and I get stares and remarks everywhere I go during the summer. Plus I love tan skin and the ash brown hair+sheet white skin combo makes me look like an unintentional goth, lol.
I'd say try to find a non-orange looking self tanner, but keep putting sunscreen when you go out
Alexis counts herself as a latina, because her parents are born in South America and her mother tongue is Spanish. She once told in an interview that she loves being latina, hot weather and sunbathing but she never gets tan.
This is the reason why she is wrinkly, because her DNA says pale European but in her mind she is a latina and loves sunbathing.
Please help me out anons, I absolutely don't know what to do:
I failed a test, meaning I need to write it again. I have the option of either retaking it in 5 weeks or in January.
+ I would be "done" with it already.
- I no longer have much time to study, since I'm also very busy otherwise and failing for a 2nd time would be a nightmare… (I can try 3 times in total). Also, I have another test on the same day right afterwards, so my anxiety would be twice as bad.
+ more time to study
- or not? Because I have a very big and a lot more important exam coming up in february (it's actually part of my finals, that I'm already allowed to take it before I finish all classes). Also other exams and papers to write during that time.
Nobody irl wants to tell me what they would do since they don't want to be at fault if I were to fail again.
Honestly, I already had a break down when I got the news that I failed, but failing a 2nd time or even failing my final exam… Just the thought of it makes me want to off myself.
My friend also had to retake the test and even she was so stressed out beforehand that she cried all day long, even though she's usually super chill.
I'm already constantly nervous on a day to day basis, much worse before tests, so I don't know how to handle that before those exams…
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I feel like i finally found an e-friend i click with after a lot of unsuccessful tries adding people from discord and friend-making threads. I don’t want to drift apart from this person if we run out of conversation topics, but I’m just so bad at keeping up a conversation. I feel nervous about this because i literally have no irl friends and i feel happy that this happened
What else do you do with e-friends besides chatting? How do you keep an online friendship alive? help
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What are the best self defence classes?
I have a stalker and I really want to feel safer (no tazers allowed bc illegal in my country and I could get fined heavily)
I already lift weights 4 times a week (no cardio except 30 mins walking or skipping rope)
I think it probably is mostly your sense of style and maybe the way you carry yourself. I know a girl who is about your age but has always seemed more mature and older because she had a natural way of carrying herself in a calm and collected manner plus a more business-like style. While people will assume she's a couple years older than she really is, she's also absolutely gorgeous and this maturity only adds to her seeming elegant.
Unless you can clearly see your skin looking rough or premature wrinkles forming (beyond the average) I wouldn't worry too much.
I'd highly recommend krav maga as I did it myself and it's extremely practical. It teaches you how to get out of chokeholds, headlocks or what to do if you're being threatened with a weapon. Mine was very female-specific so it was all situations where you're on the ground and he's on top of you but using that to your advantage. >>94492
This. Idk why people suggest things like pepper spray or other weapons. In a situation like that, you're going to freeze based on what victims I know have told me. Even if you don't, it's pretty easy for someone to grab something from you while you're in shock. Pepper spray might make you feel
safer but it doesn't make you any more prepared for an attack.
one of the policemen was a muslim and he was very rude, he was acting like a defence barrister, i had to tell him to stop interjecting and let me explain the situation. The other policeman was timid and did not say much. although another poiceman that rang me said it happens again and it is clear you are being targted then we can do an investigation, so in other words, I am a sitting duck and if I get harmed, either by arson or rape THEN they will do something. it is crazy, an arson attack should be taken VERY seriously. The fact he found out where I lived and took a picture and sent it to me with rape threats should have been taken seriously. The pics of he sent of the girls should have been taken seriousy i dont think they were consenting. he calls white women whores and went on about how white people do porn, etc, he is sex crazed. and went to the bother and finding out my real name and going to my house. a few years ago the police in my area were accused of racism towards muslims. one of the policeman was a muslim. I dont want this to turn into a race thing, but this guy is crazy and i have to wait to see if he does anything again? I feel like making a complaint about the police not taken rape and arson threats seriously, he carriied out the arson ( I was not at home) So I am just a sitting duck.
How much effort you've put into exploring your fantasies etc. I could easily masturbate thinking about what I'm having for dinner, but it's more fun when I think about stuff I'm into. Have you tried written or drawn porn? Obviously regular porn is trash but it's worth exploring your horizons to enhance the experience, without that shit I'd have no fucking clue what to masturbate to because regular sex has never been that amazing to me. If you have no trouble getting aroused for sex or particular guys you like then I don't think it's a problem though.
Kinda OT but this is why I think the idea that women need ~atmosphere~ and emotions to cum total bs made up to excuse men for being lazy. Clits need dedicated time and effort, if they do a repetitive motion for long enough it will cause an orgasm… but of course men (and some women) will give up if it takes long enough for them to get bored or frustrated It's a physiological reaction, it doesn't involve candles and romance.
How much effort have you
put into exploring your fantasies etc, I meant.
I used to read a lot of porn-y fanfic as a teen and also collect doujinshi. Back then, I could have listed off a lot of kinks and fantasies I liked. I lost some of interest in those things when I actually became more sexually active and even more so when I starting having orgasms.
I've had an active sex life in my relationships and have been pretty adventurous (tried a mmf threesome, tried restraints, etc.), though I have some of the same type of issues as I described above during sex. While those experiences were novel, I wasn't like, WOW! Really turned on or anything. Which is how I imagine guys are when they tell me about their fantasies/kinks.
I feel like I just don't have
any fantasies and am more focused on the physical sensations.
If you can handle working that much then more power to you
With jobs you never know who’ll take you on so I’d just go ahead and apply if I were you then you’ll find out the answer
If he's otherwise nice fella then it's not a red flag, but it's a sign that you should definitely tell him what's up. He seems very socially awkward and maybe thinks he can compensate for his lack of social skills by buying you things, so you should really tell him that you can't date and buying things will not change anything. Do it for his sake before he spends any more money on you and gets his hopes too up. Also, pay back for the stuff he got for you or at least send them back.
If you keep going and playing clueless you're just milking some poor aspie, even if he was the one offering the items. The only red flags I get here is the moral red flag. Please tell him that you're not interested.
He is from the south, does this make a difference?
Thank you so much for your response, im so worried that he may be cheating on her or something if he even flirts with her niece
Yeah, you know how the stereotypes about Europeans from the south are more touchy-feely than the ones from the north? It's like that as well within France, people from the south are more likely to hug you and kiss you on the cheeks when they greet you (not really kissing, it's called "faire la bise"), and they appear to be more friendly and direct in general, even with people they don't know all that much yet. The more you go up to the north, the more distant and reserved people become, not to say they're assholes but attitudes and habits can change a lot. So I guess he's just a stereotypical French dude from the south after all. But playing with your hair is still weird to me.
>Sincerely a personal space robot Scandi
Actually now that you say that he's from the south of France this is actually funny.
>im so worried that he may be cheating on her or something if he even flirts with her niece
You should try to see if he's like that with a lot of people, if possible, like maybe when there are other relatives for dinner or something.
Okay phew, this gives me a bit of relief. The hair thing could just be him being a bit weird, more than anything else, dont want to jump to conclusions.
Hehe yeah, the difference in culture and habits is quite amusing.
i will observe him more closely if you will, i love my aunt to death and shes a pure soul, so no man is allowed to hurt her.
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>meet a foreign student from russia at uni
>hes 18, im 21
>he gets a bit touchy, i shut him down bc weve barely met
>add him on facebook, his name there is a fake one
>find out his real name via uni
>find him on russian facebook
>he has a gf
>i tell him i know about her, he tries to dodge the questions
>"can you give me a chance to explain over a beer?"
I know I should tell him to gtfo but god…… I get butterflies each time I get a message from him and he turns me on so bad, i've never felt anything like this before