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Old thread: >>44951
For anyone seeking advice about their problems or anything.
The old one hit 1200 posts, so i made a new one.
Are there any anons with excellent grades, like straight A students?
In order to get a job with the major i'm taking, i'd really need very good grades. In total i have 9 semesters and i'm in my 4. now. So far i wasn't that good.
My problem is, that i simply don't know HOW to study… I haven't really managed to find friends in uni, so study groups are not an option, also (maybe because of the reason above) i've been feeling really depressed and anxious, to the point of not being able to go to classes. It's the absolutely worst feeling, then i manage to pull myself together despite feeling really down and study, and in the end get only mediocre results.
My next tests are in about 5/6 weeks and so far i already started summarizing my notes a bit, but i don't know if this is the right approach or if it works for me… Any advice?
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>guess I'll transfer mine over here too
I always thought I was straight until I met of couple experimental girls in my middle school. I had never thought of girls in that way beforehand. Only thinking of boys made me giddy. However, flash forward to high school, I started watching lesbian porn. I started to look at girls more often and I feel nothing around boys I find attractive. I feel nothing when watching straight porn too. Did I change my sexuality? Also, how can I change it again. I can't imagine myself actually settling down with a woman. Not because of societal pressure or my parents. After I cum, I feel disgusted and feel "straight" again. I think I'm emotionally attracted to boys but sexually attracted to girls. How can I fix this?
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I know this isn't the answer you're looking for but honestly it's worked wonders for me.
Similar to your story, I began watching lesbian porn and having sexual feelings towards girls in middle/high school but never felt like I could seriously pursue girls romantically. I understand the dilemma.
Turns out I really enjoy having relationships with more "effeminate" guys (what represents femininity in males will be subjective to you). In my case, I like skinny guys (no macho bulk) with minimal facial/body hair, long hair that passes their shoulders (don't really care how they style it as long as it's attractive) and I prefer their clothing style to be a little less conventionally manly (not drag or anything, just light t-shirts and skinny jeans that won't add much bulk to their physique).
At the end of the day, personality matters the most in a relationship but whether i'm fooling around or taking things seriously I still only feel comfortable with non-manly types. I'm in a long-term straight relationship now and quite frankly my boyfriend is not at all the sjw/lgbt type you might be picturing. He's not a cucc and doesn't really care about whether he comes across as effeminate because he's comfortable with his sexuality. He still dominates in bed as I enjoy being submissive but doesn't mind switching things up like any regular couple that experiments. Ultimately, it's the best of both worlds for me. I get to cuddle with this cute, soft person during the day and still get to fulfill my biological desire for dick at night.
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I want to buy nice clothes and style myself but I don't have the money. I work hard but I'm not in college/don't know if I'll afford college and I use all of my money to pay bills and necessities. I feel really stuck in life because I can't treat myself or do anything because I have no money. I've never felt so bad and so stuck I have clothes from 8th grade and I'm 18 out of high school. Does life get better? Is there a way to make good money? Are there any jobs that I can make good money with? I'm not so bright so I don't think I'll be able to work as a doctor and whatnot so I want to know if there are any easier jobs that make enough? I don't want to be stuck like this forever
Im also 18, attending community college for the heck of it until i figure out a better game plan
I dont rlly have a job, just freelance art so all i have is 200 bucks in the bank leftover from my last commission
but i like buying accessories and clothes (may have a impulse shopping problem) as shopping therapy
So my advice is thrift shopping/garage sales, you can get so much for so cheap if you play ur cards right and look around enough>i wish i could go to more garage sales but theyr hard to locate when u can't drive
Maybe try selling some of your nicer items you never wear / I sold 90% my dresses b/c I hate wearing dresses
theres a thrift store that sells stuff for you, but i don't know if you have anything like that in ur locale
Im also going to sell a marble desk i don't use on a fb local garage sale, you go to the thrifty ppl u don't wait for them to come to you
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Has anybody gotten the feeling they should work on their posture? Nobody's ever told me to but I feel like it needs to be fixed, i just don't know how
I feel like I'm pretty straight when I'm talking to ppl who are taller than me since i have to look up a little
but i think the rest of the time my slouch creeps in
It was really silly of you to re-add this guy, but your only real options are to block this asshole on every platform you can. If need be, change your phone number. Message your friends outside of the Discord group and tell them what's going on, block and remove him from Discord too. I'm sure your friends will understand. If he's blocked everywhere you probably won't be able to see if he's trying to send friend requests to you either, just keep him out of your thoughts. He sounds super gross don't let him come between you and your boyfriend.
I hope it works out for you, anon
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My friend has pretty much stopped talking to me ever since her FWB became her boyfriend about half a year ago. We used to be pretty close, and I like to think that I helped her when she had problems, but now… She's not texting or contacting me anymore, and the few times I've tried, I feel like she seems uninterested.
Maybe I'm she didn't even think of me as a close friend and I was just overestimating my worth to her. I don't know what happened. I thought I was being understanding the first few months when she got her boyfriend - honeymoon phase, right? - but I'm feeling pretty hurt now.
I've experienced something similar as well.
I think there comes a point in time when (certain) people begin prioritizing romantic relationships over friendships. It isn't that your friendship matters less now, but that their romantic relationship matters more.
To be honest, I'm a prideful scorpio, so when people cut me off or put me on the back burner, I do the same. When I'm less bitter I just try to think of them as extended family, people who I love, but don't see or speak to that often.
I would say that if you've extended the olive branch and they haven't reciprocated it's better to leave it be. It will suck for her if she breaks up with them and finds that she's alienated everyone else.
same. let her go despite the pain. look for new friends who will treat you better. It may be a wait, and lonely, but when you find that new friend or group that you can tell really cares for you, it'll be worth it.
Don't try to rekindle a friendship with someone who so easily threw you away.
I think it's the fault of the internet and all those fakely happy people that are like CHASE UR DRIMZ #motivation. No, you don't have to find something that will be the fucking core of your existence. Do you have hobbies? Drawing, gaming? Family? Friends? Do you like nature? Then you'll be happy in life and you don't have to have some dream job to achieve it. You gotta make money and use it to do what you love. So fuck this whole "I need to find something I want to do" because you don't have to. I'm sure you already have something you like doing, and as long as you have that, it's okay. It's great if you do find your dream job, of course, but it's just not possible for everyone, and no biggie choosing WHATEVER. It's better than taking a gap year to think and then never going for higher education.
Sorry I got a bit heated, but I've seen too much of my friends wasting their lives waiting for some epiphany that did not happen. Just pick whatever seems corresponding to your abilities, skills. And go with the flow. Maybe you'll grow to like it. Or discover you DO actually like it. You can change it. You can complete uni and then do something not related with your field. And it's okay. Fuck that pressure to "choose right". Just choose.
>>63374>Fuck that pressure to "choose right". Just choose.
Agreeing with this anon, so many people get stuck in trap of needing to follow their dream as a career and always be inspired every second of the day, and it leads to people missing out on decent degrees /careers because the reality doesn't match up to it. You can always leave a job for a better one, but if you sit at home waiting for the perfect opportunity it will never come.
Most importantly is finding out what your ideals are, whether that's financial gain, that you get on with your colleagues (or are left alone if you like that) or just have a sense of security. Obviously it's great if you can makes artisan teaspoons funded by Patreon, but if you fall into something more normal there is no reason why you can't work hard and keep moving companies until you find somewhere that feels like home. So far my favorite jobs have been low income but steady with good colleagues, rather than being exciting work, helping support my colleagues and actually wanting to talk to them gave me a reason to get up in the morning. But at the same time, I have introvert friends who are happy to quietly get through the workdays in jobs they don't care about as long as it facilitates their out of hours lifestyles.
What's the best way to politely kick a person out of a meetup group? There's a person who after 2 months (5 meetups) everyone wants her to gtfo, and everyone's complaints about her are legit. however, she's the baby of the group (aka 19 while everyone else is 22-early 30s) so I also think that hanging out with us for a bit longer might make her realize to grow the fuck up?
>she's a nondenominational christian, so when we brought up religious stuff once she was rather uppity about "her kind" being more welcoming of others
>our group tries out different cafes all the time, the one time we went to a vegan-friendly place she was surprised that not all vegans and vegetarians are people with eating disorders
>mentioned reddit once as a offhand comment once and regretted it, because that how we all found out about how she's kind of obsessed with tumblr bashing, cringepics, and the like
>she yelled "YEAH I'M DOING GRANDMA STUFF, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM" at a group of middle schoolers who just happened to be passing by, and afterwards started a rant about "basic" girls and how she hates having female friends because drama
Also a personal opinion, but one shouldn't have their main way of being social in an irl group like this be showing internet drama posts/"mainstream?"memes on their phone and then bashing it while giggling to yourself.
Luckily I didn't follow her on social media or whatever but she does have our numbers. tbh i kinda wonder if she's lowkey a female robot lmfao
Don't worry about it, just do it. Guy is probably excited as hell to get head.
Just think about it as if he was giving you oral for the first time. Obviously you'll enjoy it despite him probably not being the best at it.
she groups cosplayers, furries, and j-fashion enthusiasts as freaks and complains why people can't appreciate american culture, so I highly doubt it lol>>63437
tbh what you look like when you give head shouldn't matter if you're giving good head
Depends on genetics. Do you know where your parents store their fat?
For ex, both my parents have the body type where extra weight goes straight to the tummy area. So when I gained depression weight, it went directly to my tummy first. I did go from a B cup to a F, but it wasn't noticeable because of the tummy. When I lost the weight, I went down to a D, but they have a sag.
Weight gain, like weight loss, can't be targeted like that. Even if your parents have good fat distribution like >>63487
this anon suggested, you're still going to gain weight everywhere. It's also WAY harder to keep weight off than it is to put on (There's a science behind it but i don't remember it right now)
I have good fat distribution (Ass, tits, and hips) but that doesn't mean my arms, belly and legs aren't fat too you dig? I look better than someone who's distribution is only in the tummy (I've seen some chicken legged girls with BIG bellies, not a good look) but it's still obvious i'm fat.
You're better off getting a nice push up bra (They're cuter too) or saving up for implants if it's what you want, anon.
But it's also good to just embrace your body for how it is too. There's nothing wrong with being flat and honestly with my back problems i'd kill to be smaller in the chest (Grass is always greener).
Also if you're basically skeletal you might have too high of a metabolism to gain weight anywhere regardless. I also heard girls with this bodytype that DO gain weight eventually have a harder time getting it back off, which is even more reason not to do it imo.
If you wanna give your body more shape, try lifting weights. Girls don't get bulky without steroids but you'll get some definition so maybe it'll help you feel better about your body overall?
>>63677>(There's a science behind it but i don't remember it right now)
it's because when you gain weight, you gain new fat cells, but when you lose weight, the fat cells shrink but don't go away. Anyone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, it's been years since I've taken a health class lol.
You make friends by talking to people and planning doing things with them.
It feels like useless advice because you've heard it before. Make an excuse to talk to someone like a hobby or an interest. If you like them, exchange numbers or something, plan to meet again or something. I've found out it's easier to get into an existing friend group than try to initiate things 1-on-1.
Um where lmfao. Like where are you going that you're meeting people with introverted hobbies?
Like do i just go to a fucking starbucks and start hitting on a girl to be my new bestie?
Please make the absolute assumption that i'm socially retarded because I kind of am. >>63703
just remember somewhere out there is a girl who'd die to have your bodytype (Like me) and it starts to help you appreciate it a little more. Focus less on what you don't have and more on what you do! Like chances are you'll probably never be fat if you don't gorge yourself in your 30s, that's pretty handy when everyone else's metabolisms are slowing down and making them fat.
Plus learning to dress to enhance your shape will help too.
I had a tiny skinny little manager at a department store once. Her favourite motto was "Everything fits with a belt." As in, is that shirt too big? Put a belt around your waist, now it's perfect. Most of the time, especially on her tiny body, it worked.
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I recently met this guy online through a game and I found out he lives in the same town as me. He's just a year older and pretty much has his life together which I respect. He's pretty much my type when it comes to appearances as well as a little extra bonus for myself. I've met up with him about two or three times and we get along well. We both talked about relationships but decided to go against it for now because I just came out of a really bad mentally abusive relationship. He invited me to come over to his place to drink because I told him I've never been drunk and I want to live a little but I'm concerned.
Not because I don't trust him but he's still a relatively new person in my life. The paranoia of being a girl being kidnapped/killed/raped at any time has been instilled in me very early in life. Should I go do it? If I wait, what seems like a good time or signal to go for moments like this? Thanks in advance, anons!!
>>63736>Not because I don't trust him but he's still a relatively new person in my life. The paranoia of being a girl being kidnapped/killed/raped at any time has been instilled in me very early in life. Should I go do it?
This is contradictory anon. If you trust him, then you know your fear is irrational right now. I'd say: id you go to his house, don't drink the first time. Let him unwind with drinks, and see how he behaves after a few. If he's still a lovely guy then that's a good sign.
Since you've never been drunk before, I would advise going for a drink at a pub. Give yourself a time limit (say from the start that you've got to be up early the next day or w/e so you'll just have a few) so you don't get carried away. I'd always recommend drinking in a public place first, rather than round the house of a guy you're not very familiar with.
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My crush keeps liking other dudes flirtin comments on my posts. I don't know why he keeps doing this. He does not even say anythin afterwards or mention it or mesage me. I never respond to them. I'm unsure if he's doing it to get my attention or take the mick because they are ugly and hitting on me. Is this even normal behaviour for guys?
Agreed! Sounds like me plans to make you drunk and vulnerable. Would be a bit different if a group of you went to a bar and drank.
Also even though you met him a few times and he seems nice don't be fooled. I met a guy a few times and he seemed so sweet. I went to stop with him for a few days, he said we would watch anime and he would treat me like a princess (I know lol am I 12?). When I got there he became abusive and rapey probably because I was basically stranded until my return ticket and I couldn't go home, tried to fight his way in to my underwear even though I told him not to. Then was horrible to me because I wouldn't sleep with him and slept the whole time I was there and didn't bother with me. When I said "you said you would treat me like a princess" he responded with "I will… during sex". At one point I was certain he was going to actually murder me and I can honestly say never ever ever EVER again will I put myself in that position ever again. Sorry for blog post but seriously always prepare for the worst thing that could possibly happen. Alcohol is definitely not advisable unless you want to possibly sleep with him???
Thank you for telling me what I need to hear.
I'm so sorry, I realized I wrote my feels when I was feeling a little sad and lonely which really took a toll on my common sense. Looking back, I definitely will force a change of plans and won't go over and push plans to drink in a public place. The reason why he pushed it to his house is because drinking out is expensive and I just come from a extremely conservative household so it couldn't be at mines. I just wasn't sure if doing what I was going to do was okay because there's people like that who just go over and drink as social activity or if my paranoia was getting the better of me. It's just better safe than sorry.
I wanted to do something that is considered fun and spontaneous but realized it could end up bad which leads me to oh my god >>63781
don't apologize for the post but I am so glad that you're safe and I truly hope you never get locked up in that kind of situation ever again. I can't help but relate because I would want to feel like a princess too. It doesn't help that I'm not in good financial standing and he's paid for everything so far when we went out which seems like a common thing to do but the guys I have dated in the past had limited income or no jobs so just paying $6 for a meal makes me feel spoiled. I'll definitely keep your story in mind and hope things just go better planned with him and I in the future. Thank you again.
He has a really big ego though. Scared if I confront him he will reject me and move on because the 'chase' is over.>>63768
Hahahaha never considered that but now that you mention it… hahaha
So sometimes this is a red flag and sometimes it's not. If you're bros, then this is a bro thing to do.
I suggest going out in public though to drink. A good first step if you haven't drank before is over some dinner. Go to buffalo wild wings or some other casual friend place if you're not looking for a relationship, get yourself some booze, and have a friend pick you up (If he suggests driving you home just tell him "They're already on their way."
Don't let paranoia keep you from hanging out with this guy but be cautious too.
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>>63819>CONFUSED “SELF-CARE” WITH “SELF-INDULGENCE” AGAIN; YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING GENUINE REFRESHMENT OR RESTORATION BUT YOU DO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY AT NAIL SALONS
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My boyfriend dresses like shit and HATES shopping for clothes, so he's basically put it up to me to buy him new ones. I want him to start dressing cuter/more fashionable, but the issue is, he's 6'4", 260 pounds (not muscular) so he wears big and tall sizes. Regular sized men's shirts are much too short for his long torso. Anyway, does anyone here know of website with nice, not totally generic, big and tall clothing? I've checked all the majir department stores. Their selection really sucks.
>>63781> met a guy a few times and he seemed so sweet. I went to stop with him for a few days, he said we would watch anime and he would treat me like a princess
You accepting an offer like this, to him, and to most men, means you want to have sex.
Once he found out you don't want to have sex, he realized you're just wasting his time, and you basically tricked him.
Pro-tip: No guy on Earth wants to be friends with you, other guys make much better friends, and they're 1000x easier to make friendships with. Any time a guy voluntarily wants to spend time with specifically you, he is competing with other men for access to your vagina.
Women are a costly thing men must struggle to gain access to, and it's getting to the point where it's just not worth it for many men. That's why a lot of men are just dropping out of society, becoming NEET, and not even attempting to get females. They have quit the game, they have quit the competition.
These NEETs do more to benefit society than people who work, why? Because more men dropping out of society will:
1) Reduce hypergamy, in other words reduce the insanely over-priced cost of pussy, and lower women's extremely entitled attitudes
2) Reduce feminism
3) Raise wages(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Women have all the power in the world of sex, they get to select
which men get to have sex, and which men don't.
If there is a large enough decrease in available men competing for women, then women will be forced to change themselves to become more desirable to men, and one of the biggest ways they could do that is by reducing feminism.
Men are terrified of getting married, living together (common law marriage), or having children now, because women are rewarded for divorce and destroying men's entire lives.
90% of the time the state will give women custody of the children, and force the man to pay for her stealing his kids.
The man loses his wife, children, financial security, and sometimes house, all at the same time. This often happens even if the wife cheats on him, and was the reason for the divorce. He is forced by the state to pay for this demonic ex-wife's new lifestyle.
This is the nightmare scenario that guys are terrified of, they've seen it happen to many men they know in real life, it's enough to drive men to suicide/murder.
My main hopes of reducing feminism is that it will fix these marriage/divorce laws that reward women to divorce, allows them to divorce for any reason, and completely ruins the man's life and everything he worked for. It is the reason that the family structure is completely destroyed, the reason we have >50% divorce rates, and general decline in civilization.
Feelings fade with distance, if anything you'll just fall for him harder if you spend more time with him.
I had a similar situation before and the more I saw the guy the more I couldn't stop thinking about him so I decided to completely stop talking to him and eventually the feelings faded. It was difficult but it was the right choice in the end.
The unfortunate thing is you probably can't change them.
You can attempt to talk to them intervention style. Could even just have a talk about what should be private (Like pretty much everything you described) and what's okay for him to post publically (Him dressing as a girl for instance should be fine if it's nothing sexual).
It's not unusual for someone discovering themselves especially gender wise to not feel comfortable making the full leap to female pronouns and names. A few years ago, way before this dumb transtrender trend began, I was struggling with my sexuality and my perception of myself. So I began wearing men's clothes and acting more like a guy. Online i'd introduce myself as a guy or not correct people when they made the assumption that I was but offline I wasn't comfortable with that. Even though I wore men's clothes around my family and friends and all I wasn't comfortable coming out and saying "I think I might be a guy." I wasn't comfortable with them calling me a guy or using a guy's name for me.
Eventually I grew out of it as I realized I was uncomfortable with my body due to sexual abuse at a young age and developing early (Massive tits at age 11. First boyfriend only dated me for my tits). This is also the reason I doubt a lot of young transboys because they probably are experiencing similar things.
Just try talking to him anon there's nothing else you can really do besides that.
And sometimes you just end up losing a friend. That's part of life and it sucks but it's not going to be the only friend you lose in your lifetime.
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Anyone have any advice on how to get my sex drive back. Bf and I used to have sex at least once every day but now I only ever do it because I feel I need to please him. Usually can go weeks without it. It feels like a chore to me even though it's always good.
Are you me?
Try this: say yourself you will have sex in a few hours when your bf comes home.
Put some hot clothes on and doll yourself up.
Watch a sexy movie were two people have passionate sex.
Be ready for that sweet action.
But I don't know how to get that libido back all the time ;(
Maybe thats something for you:
Push him onto the bed, sit down on him and fuck his brain out. Even if you don't feel it in the first place, it will be fucking hot after a few minutes. It's even better if he struggles and say things like: 'uh oh but I have things to do.' But you will fuck him anyways.
Thank you. I also have the same issue. Only thing that's worked for me so far was putting distance between us (had to visit family for two weeks across the states) but that's starting to fizzle out.>>64707
That's rape, anon.>>64701
You can do what above anon said but just make sure you don't rape him, anon.
What the fuck are you on about anon? Nothing about the anons you quoted said anything about having sex against her bf's will. If anything she would be raping herself because she's making herself get into it.
>inb4 whatever bs you're going to spout about rape.
It's all fucking nonsense. No one is raping anyone in this scenario.
I'm in the same position right now as he has to travel away for a week for work, so I'm already feeling things improving now that I don't get to see him. Also I kind of get what >>64707
was meaning and of course you can have that kind of sex without it being rape. We have very good communication and understanding so I imagine it wouldn't come off as too forecful>>64724
I go through spells of doing it and not doing it so I'm thinking I should start making it a regular thing
>>63318>Flash forward 2 years I have a new online bf who is amazing and treats me perfect and we meet and everything is amazing. >I readd abusive guy because idk why but it was a bad decision.
Tldr: worthless slut gets bored with his good bf and goes back to the abusive guy.
You deserve all the abuse for being a retarded cunt.
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hi anon. i have issues with panic attacks, too. is your new job really stressful?
they feel the same for me, plus my hands and arms get all tingly. it feels really scary.
when i get a panic attack, i try to find a place to myself as soon as possible, like a bathroom. then, i try to take deep breaths really slowly. when you're having a panic attack, you're basically expelling all your carbon dioxide, which can make you feel horrible. by breathing in deeply and slowly, you're keeping the carbon dioxide in you. i know it can be hard to remember, but breathing slowly is really, really helpful.
good luck with everything <3
Thanks anon that helps me a little bit. Maybe I'm freaking out so much because I'm not used to it and I don't really know what to do. I'm basically staying on the stairwell in case I can't breathe no more to get help.
Do you knownif there is a special breathing method when having an anxiety attack?
you can try this breathing pattern. it's actually for insomnia, but i've found that it's really calming in other situations.
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Hey there, gals.
I have to projects due (deadline is the 30th), and I am super unmotivated to do it.
Do you have any advices on how to stay focused/discipline yourself? From meditation to apps to whatever.
I've tried prizing myself before, but it's not working anymore, like.. I guess the prizes are not that interesting to me anymore.
Start slowly if you can, so you get used to it. Wear them at home or outside for a few hours and try not to worry about it. If people ask (they usually don't, from personal exp) just say it doesn't matter, or something similar. I usually just ignore the question and people take the hint.
Bio oil is also supposed to help fade scars, in case you want to look into it.
Thank you very much! I'm definitely worried about people staring or trying to bring them up in conversation. I'm also worried about being labeled as some kind of attention whore, even by strangers because a lot of the scars aren't big - there are just a lot there. Like a "oh she clearly only wants attention, look how small/light her pathetic scars are" or something. I feel like most of them being smaller scars is going to bring more negative attention? I really psych myself out about this stuff I guess.
I'm going to try to slowly become more comfortable with it just like you said though. It's time to make a change so I can feel comfortable in my own skin 100%.
Can't speak for myself but some friends have very big scars.
They necer get asked about them maybe little kids will ask you and then you can just say something corny like "these are my battle scars"
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My coworker seems to have a liking of me and I will always catch him staring and he grins easily over
We went to his today to watch a film and ended up cuddling on his sofa, I kept dozing off and he would pull me a little tighter or stroke my arm gently or wrap his arm around me and his heartbeat kept going insanely fast, this went on for two hours at least
When I woke up he didn't know if I was or not and as i was laid on his chest he was properly stroking my hair, what does it mean when hedoes this? It was proper fingers running almost soppy
I could hear him smile and make a little happy noise too and he nozzles my head a bit
But then when I'm up he's very nervous and when we hug bye it's a quick distant one and I can't tell if he's trying to figure his emotions out
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Decided to see the therapists/counselors my school provides for "free" because it's the summer and I don't have much else to do aside from work and I've been meaning to do this for a while
I have pretty severe anxiety (actual panic attacks) and am in general just extremely apathetic and depressed. I know for a fact prescriptions help quite a lot as I borrow xanax from a friend for when it gets particularly bad (for anxiety at least), so I've made a point of not telling my therapist about my drug use/addiction. I've read on a few forums that if you admit to taking any sort of recreational drug then you are pretty much disqualified from getting anything from a psychiatrist.
It's been two sessions with the therapist and she doesn't seem to be showing any signs of sending me to a psychiatrist, so should I just tell her or is that a bad move? Drug addiction is a pretty serious problem for me as of late (mostly opiods and cough syrup when I'm on a budget), but I feel like if I can get the anxiety under control with meds then I'll have much better chances of stopping my drug use
is he a QT and are you both single? if so get it and take him out
make sure he isn't some creep though
Out of curiosity; do you use opiates to be high or to function and to feel normal?
I have GAD and I just use it to act like a normal person.
Reading this relaxed me so much lol
Anon, he's a keeper, and you two seem on a good path so don't worry, if you're into him too just go with it. He seems shy or inexperienced, so just proceed with caution. Little steps
I thought the same but also a few days ago when I asked who he likes he said he's afraid of developing romantic feelings for someone at work before he goes to uni
I'm quite sure he meant me as he was apologetic so I'm wondering if the reason he seemed a little dazed after was that he was realising he's developing feelings for me possibly?
It was cute though
Today we are on the same shift so I guess just see how he reacts or if he seems cold
Opiates are for the high for the most part, it's the way I pass the time
I use benzos to act like a semi-normal person. I know they work for me, but I'm just trying to get a prescription so I don't have to keep buying marked up/pressed pills
You shouldn't tell them you take drugs. You wouldn't have a chance to get any benzos.
I didn't get benzos when I had a complete breakdown. They even told me that they can't give it to me because of my "drug history". Only took valoron at this moment
Okay never mind, at work today he grinned at me when I came in, knowingly and we agreed to watch the sequel to last night's movie
His friend was there and he was sk determined to make sure the friend went home first as he was going to get drunk and he seemed protective of me and we cuddled again when we watched the film and then he put another on and we kept making excuses for me to stay longer
I ended up falling asleep on him again and if I tried to apologetically wake myself up he'd go shh and stroke my hair and let me sleep some more
We both woke at 4am and he walked me halfway home and seemed the same again, the walk back very quiet but he gave me a more sentimental goodbye hug
So I think you guys might be right!
Also he reminisced little things tonight and admitted how he will do things specifically for me like how if he comes in he tries to catch my eye to smile at me and get a smile out of me or the excuses he will make to come over and talk to me
It's hard to tell if he sees me as a little sister but then I'm thinking the cuddles are different
This time he gently went to hold my hand too if that's progress
I am at times yeah
I mentioned last night I felt him stroke my hair and he was worried and asked if it was okay and I said yeah I find it relaxing and he mentioned how he used to stroke his little sisters hair all the time to make her sleep
So I don't know if he meant he sees me as a sister no
He held my hand and his heart was beating fast but I don't know if he's being platonic sometimes
wow… its pretty obvious he likes you, making excuses for you stay over longer, trying to catch your eye, finding reasons to talk to you etc. tbh the sister thing just sound like something he said in passing, I'd ignore it. He sounds like a fucking qt anon go for it>>65612
go for it, worst case scenario she says no. that's it
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Hey everyone. So…I just want advice on how you deal with bad anxiety and emotional baggage/being pulled in a lot of directions. This might go better in the relationship advice thread, but it's about me, so I thought it fits here more.
I'm semi-informally secretly engaged to my bf, might announce it soon, but he lives in another country, and is really sad and sexually frustrated about it lately. He seems to feel impatient trying to find a way to see/live with me because he misses me so much. I have a lot of relationship baggage, and my first ex dumped me over feeling sad about me living far away, besides other things, as I learned later…he also went on to date my best friend, which gave me some trust issues because I thought he was into her and could cheat on me with her when we were together. I've dealt with emotionally unstable family and a fucked up partner who have both made me have issues with my sense of stability. I don't think he'd leave me unless he flew off the handle from anxiety issues, and would regret it later.
I've been dealing with my grandfather's cancer diagnosis as well, and plus my legitimately clinically crazy home life, and it's putting family pressure on me that's showing up in my relationship and close friendships and making it harder for me to work and look toward my future.
I'm having occasional issues feeling emotionally safe and secure because of my relationship and family-related emotional baggage. I've got a diagnosed anxiety disorder and am on meds. I'm a lot better than I was in the past, but I want to keep improving myself.
Any other anons have similar experiences or have gotten better who can help?
Similar experience but no idea how to get out of the horror show.
It gives me hope for myself that you are better, even if you are not there where ypu want yet.
Sorry, that I have no advice. I wish you the best.
I'm in a very similar situation. I'm considering dropping out of university so I can get a job and finally move out. It's the only solution for me at the moment.
Do you have any friends you can stay with for a while when things get heated at home? I had to leave home a couple of times and stayed with a friends for a few weeks, it definitely gave me a break from my mother's instability and also meant that she had time to calm down.
Also, if you do get into university maybe things will get a little better. You could occupy yourself with studying and join societies/clubs/whatever which would mean you would be at home less. This also helped me a little.>>65799
On what basis did you make that assumption? For my mother, who is mentally ill, something as simple as not washing a dish counts as a "fuck up" and often leads to physical punishment or verbal abuse.
Great reading comprehension, I'm clearly not the OP.
Once again, making assumptions. I can't speak for the OP but I can explain my own situation. My mother has BPD and a host of other illnesses. In public and around friends she seems normal. When she is having a good day she seems normal. When she is having a bad day any "fuck up" no matter how minuscule will set her off.
Also, abusive parents are also often a cause and aggravator of depression and other mental health issues.
jesus fucking christ, anon
what kind of monster are you
it's not your fault, anon.
abusing you has no justification. youre parents are just abusive assholes. thats everything. Guard yourself as much as you can.
and dont listen to the shithead from>>65799>>65803>>65810>>65814
I'm in a similar position, though I prefer to listen to classical compositions more than medieval ones and read books on history. And I would recommend reading earlier philosophical classics. In my case, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (though not really a philosophical work in a strict sense) and other stoic philosophers helped me to cope with such thoughts that you described.
Life is meaningless, but that's why it ultimately doesn't matter. What you think is expected from you, what you think that matters, everyone that you know will die and that makes our mistakes and actions so meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
You should try to draw joy from certain subjects, try to find something that you like doing and try to be best at it. Forming a passion to a certain hobby or even a profession will immerse you into your own little cozy world. At least, that's what helped me. I wish I could provide you with better comforting words but I can't. I just hope you find peace as I know how tormenting a mind can be faced with the futility of it all.
If you were near me I would hug you and comfort you as much as I could. Stay strong anon!
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How do you get around lewding an underage character?
I don't want it to come off as cosplaying a child, because I ain't about that Moomoo life but I wanted to do a boudoir shoot with what wigs I have(specifically a Miku Hatsune wig).
I never viewed her as having an age but she's 16.
google "sexy miku hatsune cosplay" on google. everyone lewds her up, i say go for it.
anyway if you're still insecure about it cut some straight bangs in the miku wig and say it's Meme-chan kek
So I asked a guy out like "do you want to go for a quick drink" when we were walking home. (first time I've ever done that, always just wait until they ask me). He said "sorry I can't right now, my flatmate locked himself out so I've got to go straight home". Maybe he was genuinely busy, maybe he just isn't interested, who knows.
Dont think its a good idea to ask again, hard as it is, I guess the ball is in his court now?
Anyone asked a guy out and they didnt jump with yes? More wondering how to not feel awkward, act normal and not let it affect my confidence/self esteem?
I've been single a year, after a long term emotionally abusive relationship, which changed me from a confident outgoing girl, to thinking I was useless and wanting to kill myself. Really dont want all the hardwork I've done feeling better to be destroyed over something pretty innocuous!
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Her boyfriend decided he wanted to be her emotional tampon instead
you had nothing of value to her
there are millions of others who would do the exact same
You are expendable and replaceable
The faster you learn females don't give a fuck about you unless you're worth for something in their eyes(being their close friend :))) that they can always talk to : ))) isnt ((( : )
the better you'll feel in the long run(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Thanks! I'll bear that in mind for when I face him in the morning. I'd like to think his excuse was genuine, but Im under no illusion he's interested. I've had guys ask me out when I've honestly been busy, I immediately say something like "not right now, how about tomorrow".
the fact he just said after "see u tomorrow!" all cheerfully like he always does, suggests he just wants to stay friends to me.
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was i in the wrong?
I lost my best friend a month ago due to a falling out, and two other subpar friends with it.
>give her less attention and time after dating incredible bf
>she angery i guess? never expresses it to me except for insinuating im rude to her at times
>i apologise to her, tell her ill work on it, and follow on my word
>shes been constantly complaining to male friend #1 in our group (group consists of me, her and 2 boys)
>on the last day of school, shit goes down
>we argue about the ethics of a depressed man who took time off work and allowed his 16y/o to pay bills which lowered her attendance. i said it was wrong, and she blasted me for being insensitive and saying "BUT U CANT GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING BLUHHH" which is obvious bullshit (no derailing). if u have a child its u have to overcome that or get on welfare. she doesnt have depression and i do so its nice to see shes arguing with me about my own illness
>she walks out of the last day school assembly, idk why, maybe cus of previous strop
>male friend #2 is waiting in a room while male friend #1 is searching for her, we're waiting for her to get over herself so we can enjoy the last day
>we all reunite and hang out
>she goes off in a strop again and then male friend #1 starts telling me im a terrible friend to her
>"mate, you've been manipulated"
>cant comprehend, takes it as an insult to his mighty intelligence, flips shit, cusses me out and tells me to leave
> i leave
in the evening
>i get a message from her sister saying hi
>dont wanna b rude so im like hey
>we start talking abt relationships and then she suddenly lays into me
>admits she hacked into my facebook and read all my messages with people to find out i , shockingly, wasnt happy with her behaviour
>i believe its her using her sisters' fb at this point, or team effort at least
>what the fuck.jpg
>she starts claiming her strop earlier was a ''panic attack' and that i neglected her and it was my fault blah blah
>i block both sisters on all social media and unfriend male friend #1, havent spoken to male friend #2 since either
>change facebook password
this happened 2 months ago. i messaged said friend just now saying hi, can we talk.
her reply is >no stop messaging me
kek because she was the one who betrayed me and manipulated my friends against me by exploiting their empathy and appealing to emotions. lmao boys are gullible as shit
>i texted her just now saying "okay" even though i wanted to say "u betrayed me, but okay"
Was i in the wrong? should i have followed her when she went off in a strop? (she went to bin something, so we assumed she was doing that so how could we have known?)
there was nothing i could have done to have changed the outcome of this situation. she didnt wanna be friends, and she didnt want me in the friend group and had been anticipating the split for a while.
can i just say id been an incredible friends, always been ther ewhen she cried, stayed up to talk to her, got her food some days, idk how i could have been a better friend.
uh… were u in high school just a month ago? the whole thing sounds petty as shit.
your friend is a retard who doesn't know how to communicate with you for what she wishes and how to resolve the problem which is important in any type of relationship. the facebook thing is just ridiculously immature and nuts and i doubt she really cared for you if she had her sister fuck with your online account. that's not a normal way to end it at all. she's got major emotional issues and whatever was going on with her little tantrum, was not your problem. how can you know what shes thinking if she doesnt tell you.
not only is her behavior out of wack, but after the facebook thing, i wouldn't even try making up with her or talking to her ever again. she sounds like a terrible person overall who needs time to work out her issues and sometimes, that never happens for people no matter how old they become.
Thanks for reading and replying.
Seems pretty spot on, not gonna argue with that.
When I finally calmed down (took me two months) after the betrayal and reached out, she immediately dismissed me which was so hypocritical since she was the one who did me dirty, not the other way round. So you're right about not talking to her ever again. Fuckin crazy shit. Shame, we had such an incredible friendship, we were basically soulmates. </3
Well, like someone else said in the thread you made, you guy's would've most likely separated eventually anyway since you guys are just school friends. And no matter how much you get along with someone and how long, there's no guarantee of anything. Last year I split up with the only person I've ever cared about and known for a decade over a petty fight.
And not to get all spiritual or whatever, but a soulmate will only stick around for so long. If you happen to find your twin flame, that shit is forever which I believe only really lucky people will find.
All those "kek" make me think you never really cared about your friend. How easily and quickly you became bitchy confirms it. Not saying she wasn't petty and acted shirty, but you were quite the asshole too
The icing on the shitcake is definitely how you're trying to be logical about someone's feelings and acting pissed about their not being logical. How socially retarded are you?
your friend was an asshole, but you're probably an asshole too.
find other friends
Yes, my school does semesters and it's possible to take it during the spring since I'm mostly free by that point.
I'm just worried about this bringing my GPA down when I worked so hard to bring it back up from the previous summer (I failed accounting at that time) and if failing the second time will interfere with my graduation. Other than that, I've passed all of my classes for the year.
How many other classes did you take? It won't be as bad if you had like 4 other classes to cushion yourself, but your GPA will unfortunately go down.
If you pass the class the second time around you wont have to worry about it interfering with anything.
I'm currently taking three this summer and I've almost completed taking 16 (15 if you count taking the previously failed class twice and passed) classes in total as of today, will be taking four this fall and will be taking one or two classes in the spring; assuming
if I passed this one with barely a D (I've been told).
Believe it or not intrusive thoughts are really normal. Ever have oneof the fucked up ones where you're driving and you suddenly imagine just ramming into oncoming traffic or turning off a bridge despite the fact you'd never do it? It's apparently really common, I don't think theres a way to turn it off.
Turn it into a joke instead if it'sonly annoying.
i really want to killmyself. i spent 99% of time alone. i have no friends. i haven't made a friend in about three/four years. i don't have a real relationship with my family. i'm alone all fucking day long.
i was abused by one of my sibling while growing up + i have a lazy eye = i never developed any real social skills. i'm completely unable to talk to new people. my new semester in college started recentley and i thought things would be better (since i've lost like 30 lbs and it did wonders to my self esteem). things are the fucking same. i'm just as miserable as last semester. i'll never bond with anyone ever. there is no point in continuing living.
i don't know what to do. since i don't really know anyone, i can't just buy drugs and end it. where i live they don't sell guns either. my only real possibilities are to hang myself or bleed to death, and i still haven't figured out the quirks for those things yet. i'm pretty fucking stupid, so i don't want to fuck it up and end up in a hospital. i just don't care, man. i'm a failure. i need to end this. i serve no purpose in this society. i can't stand being alive. i thought that the diets and the exercise and trying to meet new people would help. but it feels like i've jut wasted the past year or so. it all means nothing. i'm just as miserable and alone now. i can't stand it. >>66413>>66421
it's l'appel du vide and its a universal thing http://pimediaonline.co.uk/science-tech/lappel-du-vide-the-call-of-the-void/
"Standing at the top of the Eiffel tower on a beautiful, sunny day in Paris, my first thought was ‘I could jump’. Not ‘What a stunning view of a culturally rich metropolis’ or ‘I wonder what the City of Light looks like at nighttime’, but ‘I could jump off of this tower in just one leap’, and I wondered why." they happen to everyone. if the rest of your day you're happy and you don't actually plan on commiting suicide, its meaningless tbh.
Where have you tried making friends? There are usually some meet ups on reddit, meet up .com and etc. it's worth using them to practice. A lot of the times people don't care about what you say, but talking in a positive energetic manner makes everything more interesting, even if what youresaying is horseshit. It's hard to talk in that manner if you're bitter though..
You could also try to see normie things like movies and perhaps games or thrones and general popular things, it gives you something general to talk about that people will generally know.
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Pierced anons, what are some good websites for buying jewelry? I found a bunch on Google obviously, but who knows what their quality is like.
i really love https://store.painfulpleasures.com/
the site layout and searching is a bit nightmarish, but theyre very reasonable priced for basic metal and acrylic jewelry. great for replacement balls and barbells in weird lengths. i have snakebites that i have to take in and out on a daily basis for work, so i love that they have a ring that's a screw-on ball on one side and flat ended on the other so it can just be twisted out easily with no screwing/unscrewing
Might be because of stress, a cyst, you don't eat enough or are just too skinny. Maybe everything together.
I hadn't my period for half a year, everything is fine now.
Friend didn't get her period for a year because she had to take hard pain killers, but now she is fine.
Another friend didn't get her period for two month because of a cyst.
So I think it's not too bad, but you should go to a gyn, I don't think that one appointment would destroy your new life.
I'm currently doing an internship of six months. When I started they said that the aim was to hire me. They generally seem to be loyal to their workers, no one I that know of was fired and everyone who left did so because they found better opportunities.
So now I only have two months to go, and I really hope to be hired. It seems still a bit too early to ask them or to hope for any news at all, but do you have any tips on how to give the most in the remaining time, or how to tell if they intend to keep me or not? I really like this job and I wish to keep it. I'm working so hard and I'm a bit anxious about it - especially because I've had a mojor health setback and I was on health leave for over a month (it was a really serious thing though, I'm prerry much lucky to have survived and with no damage, and the higher ups are aware of this). I work in a junior position in an office, but I have a decent degree of responsiblity, I manage my own projects and clients.
Any tip/help/your experience would be appreciated!
(Anyway, I will start to send out new applications next month, I've already planned this)
Math/cs major here, though I'm still pretty newbie but I have some tips I accumulated from my more experienced friends.
Before you dive into code, decide on what you want to work on. Web apps? General software? Mobile? From that, decide on the most compatible language and frameworks for your desired path.
1. Projects projects projects! I really can't enunciate that enough. My friends have gotten jobs at Google/FB/Microsoft etc by having GOOD projects. Good being either widely used, complex but simple to read code etc.
2. Try doing open source projects. There are so many to choose from. It does seem diffcult to start.
3. Learn algorithms and data structures. All technical interviews ask these questions to see how you think and apply the best method for a problem. Everyone I know recommend the Cracking the Code book by Gail… something.
I have some coding experience but I'm still pretty noobie at it. I'll be taking my own advice though ha.
Good luck, anon!
not asking for much advice here(theres nothing to do), more of just wanting to hear a second opinion on something. i want to hear some thoughts, and if you would say something if you were on my situation.
>brother and i have "weird" relationship, where we sleep in same bed and were close friends. we are close to each other but no one else in the family.
>long story short, brother rapes me and i never tell anyone in the family.
>what happened fucked me up. never developed correctly in an emotional level. only time i've talked about it was during a mental breakdown.
>get older. try to move on. still close to brother.
>brother has anger issues, the same that dad used to have. we've gotten into heated arguments where he has hurt me. he'll always wait a day or two before apologizing and everything gets back to normal.
>in spite of all that stuff, we are still super close.
anyway, now to the actual thing that i wanted to talk about lol
>brother recommends me to watch some tv show. he seems to be obsessed with the show, owns the book, the series dvd, the movie.
>start watching it recently.
>the show has a subplot line where a mother was raped by her older silbing. she explains that she lived in an abusive home. her older brother took advantage of her and got her knocked up. she even has a baby. lots of scenes of the woman screaming "HE RAPED ME!" while crying. she also got raped by a different guy on the first episode. i haven't finished it yet. stopped watching when the rapist brother tell his son how he loved her.
>all these god awful memories came back. feeling super freaked out now that i know he's been watching this show and loving it. theres tons of incest shit in it. tons of rape talk. it makes me feel so anxious. i have no fucking idea why my brother would recommend me to watch this shit. its super creepy considering…well, you know.
not sure how i feel about this. he's not violent towards me anymore. all that bad stuff happened years ago. but still like… do you think that's normal? like he's just recommending it cause its good and that it? am i paranoid for thinking this shit is creepy as hell? its bates motel, based on psycho. would you be freaked out?? would you say anything about it? none of my friends know about what happened so i have no one else to ask :(
pic related my reaction a few days ago watching the first episode and seeing the mother get raped. and theeen, confess to getting raped by his brother too in later episodes. almost had a heart attack with that shit.
I'm like 98% sure your brother is a full blown psychopath and you need to cut him out of your life as soon as humanly possible.
>not sure how i feel about this. he's not violent towards me anymore. all that bad stuff happened years ago. but still like… do you think that's normal? like he's just recommending it cause its good and that it? am i paranoid for thinking this shit is creepy as hell? its bates motel, based on psycho. would you be freaked out?? would you say anything about it? none of my friends know about what happened so i have no one else to ask :(
Does really it matter what his intentions are? He fucking RAPED you, has never apologized for it, and still has anger issues to this day.
He's dangerous for you, anon. Run far the fuck away.
Not really, the market is oversaturated and most top girls are scamming their way there - paying random dudes to tip huge amounts to get to the top.
If you're willing to take your clothes off for money, just be a stripper. Not only is it a hell of lot more money but it's pretty damn anonymous if you dance far away enough and get a wig or something. It's more intimidating for sure, but that's why they make money.
The way I handled this, personally, was to just let myself feel the feelings. How you feel about something isn't true or false, right? It's just kind of how you feel. Instead of trying to push it back like "this is a stupid thing to think about and I am above this", give yourself some time to process it entirely. The idea that a perfect person should brush off all things and love everyone, even the person who was a dick, is kind of a dumb societal idea. I'm not quite to the point where I never care, but I can sort of quick-run all my anger for someone who just rear-ended me into "I would hold your eyes open as your children killed themselves in front of you, cursing you for having given them life, and then I would skin you alive". I know how it sounds, yeah, mega batshit insane, but I haven't been angry at someone for more than the few seconds it takes to think that sentence. I have never laid awake at night thinking about past assholes.
your mileage may vary everyone has a balance they have to find pls no FBI
"I feel unloved" "Well that's a shame sweet-tits but it's that time of the day to play League of Legends"
What are you waiting for? This isn't going to get better. Being alone would feel better and be less work. You could cultivate interesting habits alone and save the energy from nurturing a manchild. There will be many people in your life that you love, and some of them will have the emotional range of a teaspoon with a leak. Love isn't a one-time event. Shit, love is actually pretty common.
Practically speaking, if you're not on the lease or paying the utilities, then there's no reason to tolerate this. I mean, people divorce over this exact shit all the time. Maybe he loves you too, just as much, but emotionally unavailable love without respect is worth less than nothing.
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Anyone got any advice for getting rid of a cyst? I have one in pic related area. It came up last year and kept getting infected, but went away after a few months. It's back now, came up yesterday, and the pain is really terrible. My doctor gave me heavy antibiotics last time, but they didn't work. I don't have insurance for surgery so…
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I'm thinking about hiring an online fitness coach, but the deadline to sign up is TONIGHT. The thing is though is that its around $300 a month. Is it worth it?
I've been trying for years to lose weight but I'm failing hard every year. Plus I've emailed the coach back and forth and he's laid out everything for me, its just a matter of myself going through with it. And the cost kinda scares me. I only have several hours to sign up. Should I go through with it or find other options?
Is there a limit on the sessions per week? Or can you just book him whenever you want? Honestly you'd really only need like 1-5 sessions then you can plan your own stuff but if you need someone to motivate you it could be worth it. Where I'm from PTs can get from $30-70 per hour.
By the way exercise helps minorly in weight loss it's all about what you're eating. Are you drinking soda? Having too much snacks? You don't need to cut "bad stuff" completely but just limit it. My Fitness Pal can let you know how many calories/kj a day, you might be shocked.
Check out YouTube if you need any help with any of your exercises, good luck!
Oh and before and after pictures can also help motivate you. Personally, I am someone who gives up quite easily if "nothing happens". If you're like me, instead try checking the scales perhaps once a fortnight instead of everyday.
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So alot or stress in my life came up and travel too and for the last few months I stopped going to gym and have comfort ate a lot more unhealthily
My work shifts are also lethal and I need to get into meal planning and cooking batches.
What are some ways to get myself back into the swing instead of pushing it and always saying I will do it tomorrow etc then falling back in?
Thanks! I will def check MyFitnessPal. I'm sure I'm not overeating but I don't feel like eating less than 1000 cals per day because I know long term it won't be sustainable.>>68363
Btw could you share your workout or any resources that you use? I've been following an old Cindy Crawford's training video (which is great) but I'm looking to diversify my workout.
i try multitasking, so it doesn't feel like i'm wasting more time on it. when you're in the kitchen doing something that takes a half an hour just make yourself a big greek salad for the next days shift. i also get motivation by cooking something really delicious and then make a huge fucking batch >>68402
when someone is being rude to you just stand up for yourself right there on the spot
well, you know that's stupid because it's a lottery with what kind of kids you will end up in class. bonding with someone over something you love is much easier and also a lot more meaningful than bonding over classes (unless you're really passionate and academic and wish to find similar people, then it's the right place to start). people that only made friends in school often try to shake them off later on in life, or just end up estranged as soon as school ends
i get it that you don't want to be alone in class and i think it's hard to come up to someone for the first time. it puts you in a difficult position (because they didn't come up to you first). you could come off desperate easily. if you really want to befriend someone in class, i'd advise you to come up with a strategy. you need to find a reason to walk up to someone and you need to pile up all your normie interests and be prepared to talk about them. even if you fake it til you make it
Hate to be that bitch but you know pulling out isn't the most reliable of methods. There are too many variables you can't control. I'm married and we still use condoms when I'm not on birth control.
Painful tits are a very common symptom of early pregnancy.
Just how fucking dumb you have to be to use this method in 2017 with all the options available for actual protected sex.
If you are pregnant, you deserve it, holy shit, you dumb bitch.
>>68603>I can't take care of a kid, I've only been capable of child birth for over a decade
You realize that physically being able to birth a child doesn't necessarily mean you have the means to take care of it after it's born right? I mean are you the same type that looks down on mothers that get benefits from the government? Because anon could be working full-time minimum wage living in a shitty apartment in an area with shitty schools and shitty daycares that she will have to put her children in because she needs to earn money to provide for them.
Part of the reason why a lot of women are waiting until "they're 35" isn't feminism, dumbass. It's because we're fucking BROKE and struggling. It would be irresponsible to bring a child into a situation like that.
>>68604>are you the same type that looks down on mothers that get benefits from the government?
Not if they're white, with white children. I do look down on mothers that divorce and collect alimony/child-support though.
Honestly, you're right. I hate living in a capitalist society where the only thing that matters is money. I hate that there is women killing their own children because they don't have enough money to afford them, they're still in the wrong though, I would never kill my child no matter how poor I was. Women are materialistic and shallow though, all they care about is money.
I hate that it has turned all adult women into literal whores, and turned all adult relationships into prostitution, because no matter how attractive or how good of a personality a guy has, if he doesn't (and won't) provide money, then literally over 99% of women won't date him.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
>>68605> Women are materialistic and shallow though, all they care about is money.
Not that I should even dignify this with a response, but wanting to be able to provide for your child is not materialistic or shallow. It is responsible and mature, and it's something more people need to be concerned about when they are thinking about having children or even putting themselves in a situation where they may end up pregnant.
Take a break from /pol/ and MRA blogs and calm down. Incessant complaining about women is obnoxious and unproductive. If you have a problem with women, relationships with them are easy to avoid. Problem solved for you.
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upset farmer here
my boyfriend and me have been together a while and both his parents who are divorced have only met me once
we got together when he had a lot of problems with honesty and he would lie nearly every day but it's getting better, however because parents are usually biased, they'd only ever see his side and blame me for his getting upset even though his issues stemmed from before we even met and the lying was something he depended on in social circumstances
his dad is friendly and very laddy, always makes sexual remarks about women and is a bit smug at times and the first comment he ever had about me was because I have big breasts they're a waste because personally that's his taste. Obviously boyfriend didn't care because it's his taste and choice not his dad's
but when he's saying to my boyfriend about how the woman he's dating has a cute coworker and how he should set them up and condescending shit like that I feel awful. Obviously my bf is honest about it and I appreciate that, its's just how do I get his dad to actually accept me and stop making remarks?
I come from a terribly abusive background so I've never introuced the bf to my family as my mother is controlling and a sociopath and would honestly ruin him if she could, and the first thing his dad says is how it's because I must be ashamed of my bf
i hate these assumptions and I wish they'd stop. Bf's mum left him and said he was too immature and he's had several women dump him so I don't know if maybe he actually is a bit offensive to women or has a childish mindset but I feel like he doesn't see me as attractive enough for his son even though his son is mad about me and he's just always saying shit like this
We've met once and seemed to get on fine. He seems to think I'm a horrible ugly bitch who isn't good enough and even though my bf has anger and lying issues the minute anyone sees him upset it gets assumed that I must have caused it and that there's no way maybe their son has flaws and issues he's working on too.
we are both working hard. I don't understand.
we're fixing our issues but it feels like the dad is in a hurry for him to get rid of me.
It affects me and makes me want to starve and cake my face in makeup and be all airheaded just so I get approved
How am I meant to be in a longterm when the family don't apprve? it upsets me enough I can never really depend on my own family to support us.
Does you boyfriend stick up for you when his father says this shit? Is he aware of the extent of it and how you feel about it? I don't want to speak badly about your boyfriend but that would be a red flag for me if he just laughs along when his father says stuff and just lets it slide.
If he isn't aware, maybe bring the subject up to him. Honestly if my parents said similar things about and to my boyfriend, I would be just as upset as he would be and I'd want to have a talk with them. I think that's your best bet is to have your boyfriend discuss it with his dad. I think it wouldn't go well if you personally brought it up with his dad.
Whatever you do, don't change yourself for some old misogynist asshole just to get his approval. Don't starve yourself or dumb yourself down for him. You obviously love and care for his son, you sound like a positive influence and a good partner to him, so if his dad still has an issue with you that's his fucking problem.
But personally, if your boyfriend is ok with all this I think that's the biggest issue. Good luck anon. And one last time, just know that the issue is with the father and not with you. Don't try to mold yourself to be "worthy" of his approval because with those types of people, it's never enough. They will always find something else.
My boyfriend shrugs off his dad's comments and rejects them because he disagrees, he'll say I'm gorgeous and enough to his dad and he also stuck up for me when his dad said the shame comment by saying it wasn't that
thank you, honestly it's just upsetting. I don't know how to change the dad's opinion but it does make him look like a misogynist pig. He was saying to my bf about attraction as if he has none towards me even though when we're intimate he seems really into me.
Can I still have a good relationship with my bf if his family are always going to be this way?
>>68617>Can I still have a good relationship with my bf if his family are always going to be this way?
If you want my random internet person opinion - yes, but it will be difficult. If you love your boyfriend and he loves you, then I would say don't let his piece of shit dad get in the way of that. Unfortunately his dad is his dad and he will always be present in your boyfriend's life, and therefore in yours as well. Like I said in my og response, you can't change people like that unfortunately. His father is probably set in his ways.
You can take comfort in the fact that both you and your boyfriend know what his dad says about it you is uncalled for and complete bullshit. Your boyfriend thinks that you are good enough for him - don't let his father make you think that you aren't. It isn't his relationship, it's yours and his sons. I haven't been in a situation like this so I don't mean to act like a know it all or come off as rude, but your post made me sad because your boyfriend's dad reminds me of my dad. The most I can say is that everytime he says some nonsense like that to you, ignore it and remind yourself of who it's coming from. It's no reflection on you because from what it sounds like, he has hardly even taken the time to get to know you. Maybe his dad will come around, maybe he won't. But his behavior is a reflection of him, not you or your worth.
hey, thank you. I think you're right. I don't like when he pushes it onto my bf though, he can talk shit about me but trying to set him up with other girls is just beyond disrespectful, even suggesting it to my bf was disgusting.
I will never understand perverted old farts, ever. I just want a happy relationship with my bf and despite our troubles I really do think the world of him and want this to work out
So much this. My bfs mom and sister dragged me into their drama a couple of times over the years. I kept doing them favors and kept letting them drain me with their bullshit. Then one day I didn't oblige and they both started insulting me and projecting massively
Now I just avoid them whenever the fuck I can
That's the thing anon, i realize it and i do put a lot of effort into what i'm doing. It angers me when i'm doing my best yet i fail to br the best.
I'm afraid i may have NPD as too many symptoms match perfectly.
Don't self-diagnose, it's cringey.
It's a very common thing to feel, but eventually you'll grow up and/or realise that some of those people can probably afford to put a lot more effort into whatever it is they're better at, or like it more than you do. Very few things in this world require heaps of raw talent, even though it helps a bit in the beginning.
Small towns are small for a reason, they don't have many jobs. Unless you're rolling in it, you wouldn't be able to afford living in or around the Sydney CBD even if you wanted to. The most realistic option is the outer suburbs, but they might be the sort of place you're trying to avoid in the first place. You can use seek.com.au to get an idea of what jobs are out there.
Can't really help with the social side of things though, if you're good at making friends then you'll make them anywhere. If you need to join classes, clubs etc to meet people then the closer to the city the more opportunities there are for that.
i'm an american living in australia in a smaller town around 20k people. so not hugely small, but smaller, within driving distance of bigger areas.
i've found it really easy socially, much easier than cities even, but be careful what you do/say because things do get around in towns, everybody knows everyone…
i don't think you'll have much of an issue finding a job, i've never found it a problem.
can i ask how you intend on coming over? like what visa? day care worker isn't a job that qualifies you for skilled work.
Did it about 2 times then i was a dumb little ana-chan and i really wouldn't recommend it.
If you really want to, you definatly need to take laxatives before, til you're completely empty, otherwise you will get terrible headaches. Starting from the 3rd day you're stomach will hurt a lot, since it wants to get rid of all the shit, but you simply can't go until about the 5th day, than it get's easier. But before that, you will get severe cramps and feel nauseous all the time, so rethink it…
If you want to detox, why not try like a fruit or vegetable day or a few, i'm sure it still does the job.
My boyfriend's stepmom is an anal anxious white soccer mom mess who's quite rude and controlling towards his otherwise chill dad. I just try to be nice and civil and not make comments that might cause something, but after I leave her presence I always sigh of relief
His sister on the other hand is a piece of work who seems weirdly jealous of me, on Christmas (first time i met his family) she interrupted a conversation I was having with my boyfriend's aunt to loudly ask if i was drunk. I had just gotten there and I'd had like 2 sips of a drink.
My advice is to kill them with kindness. If you're nothing but nice and they still find something to say about you, then it's on them
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Has anyone here ever had an epidural before? For any reason. I really believe having one for child birth has exacerbated my chronic lower back pain. I don't want to be on pain killers for the rest of my life, so I just wanted to ask if anyone has advice for dealing with it or remedies and such that you use.
I feel like I have issues with disagreeing with people irl because I don't want to be wrong or rock the boat, and I don't like it.
I've become more aggressive and confident because my career and being a woman living in a city makes it so I have to be to survive, but I worry anyway that I change my opinions to compromise in the moment, and then later on stress out and go "uhh wait no"
At the beginning of my relationship, we used to argue more about politics, but now, I try to compromise and see his point of view, while explaining mine, instead of jumping to getting upset or pissed. It feels like I see myself as a softie and say that, which is probably slightly self-deprecating, but we're both leftists, so it's not like our opinions hugely differ or our morality doesn't match up. I also know in my heart that he wants to do the right thing for as many people as he can, while being realistic/logical about it, and that it's the same for me as well.
But sometimes, I worry I compromise my opinions to avoid conflict, because it makes me nervous. Yet, I also recognize that I've got fluidity of thought and can change my mind when presented with new information.
Is it a big deal to disagree on politics or semantics in a marriage, really? It never seemed like it to me, but I'm having a hard time getting over details. I'm a sperg-chan so it feels like that's why. I get stuck on things sometimes and obsess when they're not important, but mess my head up.
More importantly, how do you respectfully discuss a topic and disagree without getting too emotional or having doubts about the other person?
I would never love my family less for being more conservative or liberal than me, unless it spread to treating my friends/spouse like crap.
I have to wonder if "avoiding volatile topics with people unless in the right mindset if you don't want to fight" and "trying to understand someone's point of view, compromise, and/or accept your disagreement" are actually bad things, and I'm anxious over nothing. It's not like these are "gas the [x]" conversations lol
This seems like more of an issue we women face than men, idk if it's socialization-related or even a bad thing if you're not changing yourself drastically…
samefag, but just writing that out makes me feel way better already
I don't feel like I'm so terrible or weak for being this way, or that I shouldn't trust other people. Maybe a bit more reasonable and calm for not letting my emotions take over as badly as they used to and trying to hear others out if they're not being jackasses or bigots or whatever.
it sure feels better than arguing with people so much, tbh, and I still have a lot of passion in debating certain topics, writing about philosophy or some politics, and correcting false stuff, and I still post it up on my social media or tell my spouse/family.
I don't know. As I said, maybe it's not such a bad thing, and I'm convincing myself it's bad because of anxiety, since thinking about it in depth and putting it into words, it doesn't sound/feel like I'm really compromising my opinions the way I thought.
Still, I don't feel confident in how to "agree to disagree" without feeling weird about it, or have a polite debate with people I care about sometimes, and want to hear what others have to say.
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hi /g/irls… i have some issues regarding "sexual abuse". i think i might have fucked up with something i told a doctor…
>mother never takes me seriously when i say i need mental help. she takes me to a general doctor (i'm not american so i'm not sure if that's the right word, but like a family doctor).
>she tells the doctor that i'm stressed and anxious. i ask her to leave. they both think i'm being a brat and ignore me. the doctor is old and mean and he's asking HER the questions instead of me. i insisted again until she left the room.
>once she's gone i start crying and saying "i've dealt with some sexual abuse. and my father's death bothers me. and my pet's death bothers me too. i'm all alone now"
>he only cares about the sexual abuse part and keeps pushing me questions about it.
>he ends up refering me to a psychologist. he says its a great psychologist who can help with my repressed "angst".
but here's the thing…
my history with "sexual abuse" was a one time thing. when i was like six. and it wasn't even by force. it bothers me, sure. but i'm scared that the psychlogist will too focus on the whole "sexual abuse" thing too. because i'm not even sure if it counts as sexual abuse. again, it only happened once and i wasn't forced, i was just really young and didn't know what sex was. i'm scared to see the psychologist guy now.
/g/ anons, am i a victim of sexual abuse, even if it was just a one time thing? did i do the right thing by saying that i am?
i don't know. i'm scared i'll tell the psychologist guy and that he's just going to think i wasted his time. he probably thinks its this big deal and that i'm a victim. i'm afraid i'll disappoint him and he'll think i'm a brat too.
i don't even know why i told him. i guess i got super frustrated hearing my mom say "you're fine anon. you're stressed. you don't need a doctor for this." i guess i wanted to be taken seriously. i don't know… what do you think?
Was the person who was inappropriate with you old enough to know it's not ok?
Even if they weren't, it obviously bothers you to this day. You're still thinking about it and it seems like it has left you with some kind of baggage. i understand that you might be panicking and questioning yourself, but you were 6 years old - even if you don't think it was 'sexual abuse', you couldn't possibly have knowingly consented to doing something like that.
The therapist should be able to help you regardless. They won't force you to talk about anything you don't want to talk about, but i think even your doubts are worth mentioning.
Ooh, girl. Shit. Sorry. Took me years to shake off a stalker even with getting a restraining order, he'd just go straight out of prison to wait in front of my apartment.
If he ever shows up again, do not respond to his "hi" or whatnot, just take out your phone, start filming him, and say: "I have been perfectly clear I do not want any kind of contact with you. If you ever come back again, I will get a restraining order. Go before I call the police." And walk away. If he does not go, call the police.
This is the most important. After saying that, never ever ever everevereverever say another word to him anymore, not a single vowel, not "yes" or "no" or "go away" or anyth. You said and did all that was normally needed. He is not normal. He will perceive ANY kind of communication as contact, and it will fuel him further.
If he keeps showing up, get a restraining order. It does keep MOST freaks out of bay.
What you must do now is inform your family and friends about this situation so that you have a support network, because you are in real danger.
Carry a weapon at all times. Pepper spray is a godsend.
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I just turned 19 a few months ago and I am the only virgin in my friendship group. I've never kissed anyone, never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, never done anything sexual with someone. I don't really have the desire to at the moment, or am in the right mental state of mind to share my life with someone.
My friends mock me (all are guys except for one girl) for being a virgin and say I should get drunk and lose it at a party or club (which I hate going to) to get it over and done with. They say that though I'm 19, it's childish and weird for not wanting to fuck someone 24/7.
It makes me feel like utter shit when they talk about sex, then either make fun of me for being a virgin or offer to set me up with a friend for one night. Should I take a risk, or ignore them and keep doing what I'm doing?
19 is still fairly young, don't let them pressure you if you don't feel like having a bf or having sex. It's your virginity, your pussy and your business
, so don't let them pressure you.
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what do I do if my mother might be holding my birth certificate and SSC hostage?
granted the SSC might be lost but I find that hard to believe as after she gave it to me I used it once and put it back where I store it (with my birth certificate!). never touched it again. this was Aug 22.
I moved and like a dumbass forgot to take my birth certificate, and honestly it was because she came in my room and took it weeks before. never returned it now that I think about it. didn't even suggest that I take something I fucjing need to work with me. I moved because I need a job ffs. and I've got interviews coming up and it just doesn't feel as though she's moving in a timely manner. I was planning on getting a friend to steal it and mail it but my brother says it might be locked in a safe with his. I am across the fucking country lol how in the fuck…ok. I just need my birth certificate asap so I can request a new SSC.
oh and I believe it's being held hostage because my brother has been asking about his foronths so he can finally get his license (which she's been bitching about) and she's never given it to him. even when he and i were supposed to go together. she legit avoids the question when he asks. so, I think the suspicion is slightly warranted.
this defeats the purpose of me moving and if she drags this out I won't have a job for a month. I figure that because I doubt she'll do certified mail so maybe a week or two of waiting for it, and then another two weeks waiting for my SSC. I simply do not have faith in her.
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>>69895>I can't stand not having the last word and hate being made foolish
This is the umbilical cord that will be holding you on to him and that you must cut before you can move on.
Understand that this part has nothing to do with him, it's just you. That fragile ego of yours probably played a significant part in you choosing/staying with a partner that was not good for you.
I live in a country where age of consent is 14. Guys and girls usually go for people their own age or someone 2-3 years apart. 20 year old guys usually stay away from 16/17 year old girls as they consider them kids. 14 year olds date other 14 year olds. It would be considered weird if a 16 year old guy got together with a 14 year old girl, let alone a guy who is 27 lmao. >>70093
My suggestion is to ask him to control how deep inside he goes.
It's good for you to be on top for the first time. He's 10x stronger than you, so you'll still feel like he's got all the power, if that's a concern of yours.
I'd suggest foreplay until you can't take it anymore. The vaginal canal lengthens when you're aroused.
you poor girl.>>70140
You poor girl omg
Girl, ngl but it's gonna hurt the first time for sure. No matter the lube or position, shit is bound to hurt. That shouldn't be a worry to you though, because the pain is absolutely gone in a few minutes. My first time was with a guy who was 8" and that's how it went. Also I'd say that the next 3-4 times won't feel very pleasant as well but after that you will definitely start enjoying it.
I recommend you do it doggy style for your first time. I just hug a pillow the whole time lol.
Oh man thanks anons, it helps just having people to talk to about it. I have no female friends to talk to about this shit. I'll take into consideration the positions and tips. I'm just hoping I'm not like my mother, who often complains about being too small down there, just never stopped slightly hurting her despite sizes.>>70138
That sounds horrible! I hope he doesn't hurt you to bad. I'm sorry.
I lucked out with my boyfriend, he's also a virgin and I'm his first gf which is cute. I feel bad that we are both 24 and haven't done it though.>>70140
11"?! I couldn't imagine, like where would it even go?? Vaginas aren't that deep. It would be like a boxing match with your cervix.
Sorry I didn't individually reply to every since there was a lot, but I made sure I read everything. I really really appreciate it.
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my friend hasn't texted me back in a month and a half or so, every since i wished her a happy birthday and told her we should meet up for lunch so i could give her her present. she texted back "thanks! i'm really busy with everything" and hasn't responded since then. i really don't want to text her first, because i hate the idea of being someone who bothers people when they don't want to talk to me. maybe it's because she got a bf, i know some girls just abandon all their girl friends once they get a bf for some reason. idk but i'm just looking at the huge-ass chocolate bar i got her and wondering if i should just eat it.
i'm super paranoid because i used to be the clingy friend when i was in high school and now i've spent so much time trying to make up for it that i worry that i come off as way too aloof and unfriendly to my friends. ugh, i just wish she would tell me what's going on, i know she's been having health problems and exams and her bf is taking up all of her time, but it wouldn't hurt just to drop me a text.
You need to flee temptation. You cannot hang out with him again. If you do, you need to break up with your current bf.
The first time, you didn't know how your heart was going to react so that was ok. But now that you've acknowledged your feelings, hanging out with this other man is cheating.
If you're even thinking about over the counter stuff, you're on your way to failing and ending up in the crazy house.
Reconsider suicide. Sounds like you're not ready.
oh hey anon i've attempted with both those methods you mention and all i can say is DON'T DO IT!!
if you try, it will be painful as fuck and you will survive plus be burdened by medical bills. It's actually kind of hard to kill yourself, the human body is very resilient.
One helpful thing that came out of my attempts though is the knowledge that in 72 hours, your emotional state will be different than it is right now.
Please don't go through with this anon. Please wait three days and reassess how you feel. Your life has value and by ending it prematurely you're robbing yourself of the so many unknown pleasures. I know that it's hard to imagine a better life in your current state, but please be kind to yourself. you can recover from this despair and become a stronger person for it.
Here's a chat line that I've used myself before and I really recommend it: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
You can also talk to me if you want, whatever channel of communication youre most comfortable with I will make an account for you to reach me on.
But I beg you to please reconsider. Your life has value. Suicide is a permanent solution to often temporary problems.
I heard drowning is super painful. There's a chance the pain and panic will wake you up. Well, the worst thing about it all is, you'll always fight to survive. No matter how much you want to die, your brain will always resist. Remember this.
I thought about numbing myself with alcohol and then opening the wrists. But I was too big of a wimp to ever go through with this, and surprise surprise, things got better.
I won't tell u bs like don't do it talk to me uwu. It's just not worth it, too big of a chance you'll chicken out and call for help, someone'll interrupt or it will simply not be effective enough. You may end up on a chair or as a veggie - srsly, reconsider. If you can't go through with drastic but efficient suicide and you look for the painless ones, that means you still should give yourself time, you're not completely on board with death. Those who are don't care about pain
I've given my boyfriend's parent the absolute worst impression of me. The first thing they knew about me was that I gave their son a hickey on his neck (then eventually, all over his chest rip), now I've really fucked up. He hosted a party at his house and one thing lead to another and we ended up in his bed both naked. Nothing happened though, he fell asleep and was impossible to wake up. I decided that sleeping next to my naked boyfriend was too risky in the even that his one of his parents walk in, so I went upstairs to sleep on the couch where my friends were (bf forgot to tell anyone that he'd made up beds in a spare room before passing out), but there was no room on the couch, and I was too tired and cold to walk around his house looking for the spare bedroom - it was already taken anyway - so I gave in and thought fuck it, I'll just cover him up and sleep next to him fully clothed instead. It was fine untill later in the morning when his sister came in to tell us to come downstairs and tend to our friends. He had to explain everything to his parents who I don't expect would believe it at all, and to make things worse, I'd only thanked his father for having me over, and his mother is very disappointed in me for this. I've always prided myself in my manners, so this definitely hit me right where it hurts. I don't know if anyone can give me advice for this, I just needed to get this off my chest.
Has anyone had a friend, or exfriend, posted here? There is a thread on someone I know. It seems like theres other people in the thread that want to talk about them, but chicken out and never come back. I just don't really know how to react, mostly because I am angry with this person and I am trying to not do anything I'd regret. I'm just inclined to spill milk as this person treated my close friend horribly.>>70467
Don't be embarrassed about getting acrylics. Acrylics, besides being a fashion thing, are there for those who can't have long, strong nails because of genetics or any other reasons. They see a lot of people like you come in and it could help! My best friend had the same problem as you, so bad her fingers looked like mushrooms because half her fingernails were bitten off. She just trained herself to stop biting as soon as she noticed, but acrylics helped a bit and gave her confidence. Be careful though, because acrylics in particular weaken your nails even more. Good luck, anon! I hope you find something that helps you.
My mom keeps asking me for money and I don’t know what to do anymore.
There’s a lot to explain so bear with my. My parents have been having relationship problems for the last 5 years and last year around this time they decided to file for divorce. The divorce hasn’t been finalized yet but it will be really soon. For the last year and currently now my parents are “separated” but they still live in the same house and my dad still takes care of my mom financially for the most part. They were married for 35 years and my mom didn’t work at all during that time, and she doesn’t work now.
Money has been one of the bigger issues for my parents these last 5 years due to my mom taking big amounts of money out of the bank and having nothing to show for it and also being sneaky about it. Regardless, for the last year and a half my dad has been giving my mom $500 to spend on whatever she wants to. This isn’t court ordered or part of the divorce (although he will have to pay alimony once it’s finalized), my dad is only doing this to be civil because my mom wanted money during this time.
My dad still pays all the bills in the house and pays for all the food. My mom only needs to be spending money on her medical expenses ($10 a doctor visit, $5 for a prescription) and her credit card bill, but she ends up having no money by the middle of the month. She then begs me for money in small increments, usually $10 “for cigarettes” every 1-2 days, but I’ve ended up giving her $100+ every month this year.
I always start off telling her no every day but she keeps begging and guilting me and I eventually give in. I feel bad about myself when I do this because I know I’m not really helping her and I think she has bigger problems with what she’s spending money on. I also always feel taken advantage of and powerless, and the rest of my family gets upset with me when I give her money since they don’t trust her with it. But when I don’t give her money I always feel bad too, she’s my mom and I want her to be happy. Every day I tell her “I don’t want to do this, this is the last time I’m giving you money” and she says okay. But we both know I’ll end up giving her money the next time she asks.
I’ve been avoiding telling her how I feel because I don’t talk to her much at all these last few years and I don’t have a lot of trust towards her. But today I finally broke down and decided to tell her how I bad felt when she asked me for money. I even started crying but she didn’t seem to listen to me at all. It truly seemed like all she cared about was getting money from me.
I’m not sure what to do. I know I should be a tougher/stronger person and learn to really say no but at this point I’m not even sure if I can do that with my mom. Should I just wait until the divorce is finalized and she has to leave the house?
Just learnt my friend is a pedophile and rapist.
I met him at a friend's house, we talked a lot and clicked because we have similar problems and background, except some of them are much worse. I was happy to know someone who could relate to me regarding mental issues, but it quickly went darker.
He told me he was raped by his father during his childhood (who is now in jail) which made me feel for him but made me wonder if he could become like him (which sadly happens in those situation).
We were chilling at his place, watching anime, when all of a sudden he stopped the video and turned around, saying "You're going to be my psychologist".
To "protect" (in his words) his three younger sisters from being raped as well by their dad, he had sex with them while his dad watched. When his dad went to jail, that didn't stop and both parties were soliciting it. One time, he anally raped his youngest sister. He told me he wasn't even thinking, he just wanted his needs met. She was crying in pain, telling him to stop, but he didn't. He finished, and ordered her to stop crying before their mother came back at the house, and to wipe herself. When he realized later what he did, he cried.
He also had sex with other underage girls not in his family.
He told me he still was attracted to much younger girls, and is currently fucking a 13 years old girl.
As you can imagine I'm still shocked, but the thing is I don't know what I can do. I want to help him not being what his father was but I think it is too late. Help me please.
> Obvious answers are Bosnia, Serbia, Croatia and Slovenia
heh, I am from Croatia. Though thanks for responding. I wouldn't go to Bosnia because it's a ticking bomb. Serbia I wouldn't mind if it weren't for the fact that I'm a croat + proximity to Bosnia makes it a no.
Slovenia, on the other hand, is great but I'm not sure if there's plenty of lands available and if the prices are ok? Gonna check anyway.
By cheapish, I mean at least 10he of land for 100.000 euro. The land that is available here at a reasonable price is usually of low quality in terms of agriculture.
I'm considering Poland, Slovakia even Belarus. It would be a dream to start in Georgia(the country, not the state) but I only have information on it from the internet. It would be nice to get info from a native.
Fwiw nobody in Serbia gives a shit about Croats. I don't know how it is where you live and I've heard mixed stories of people getting their tyres slashed for having Serbian licence plates, but for all people know you could be one of the numerous refugees from Kordun or Herzegovina and nobody would be able to tell the difference. Also, Vojvodina is a nice place to live for Catholics due to the sizeable Hungarian minority. Belgrade is lots of fun but I wouldn't live there, too densely populated and some areas are full of football hooligans/gypsies/lowlives in general.
Nobody here cares about Bosnia or much of anything anymore, we're frankly too busy dealing with EU bullshit and Syrians right now and it really wouldn't affect anyone (at least not here in the north).
I'm not sure if I'm on the right thread for this, but I don't have time to go digging right this second, so I figured it's worth a shot.
I've recently started to accept that I have a bit of a problematic relationship with food. It probably started as an infant when I became a picky eater due to my mum only being able to afford cheap tinned food at the time. Food I was unfamiliar with made me routinely very anxious and I would often end up crying over being forced to try something new. I grew out of that for the most part but eating at other people's houses has always made me anxious (what if I don't like the food they serve and I insult them? etc.) I thought I was fine for a while, or at least I ate like any other regular kid, until I was around 14 maybe and I just completely lost my appetite, started eating one meal a day, became preoccupied with my appearance and weight. Probably just normal for a teenager going through an insecure phase. This continued on and off for a few years, I gained a few extra pounds at 16 and ended up dropping them when I was 17/18 by surviving on soup and bananas. I was constantly tired and hungry but didn't really care. I haven't ever really shaken off the fear of not being thin enough. I'd say my natural weight is healthy (I'm 5'4 and usually weigh around 121 pounds) but I'm obsessed with it, and with my body shape, and with comparing myself to others. The feeling of having a full stomach makes me feel sick with guilt. I'm 21 now and although I've often attempted to vomit my food up, only recently have I managed to push through and force myself to vomit. I've only vomited 4 times over the course of this last month, and I don't exactly binge eat at all, so I don't qualify as bulimic and I'm scared any kind of doctor would not take me seriously if I am not fitting the criteria.
Does anybody have any advice on not feeling guilty after eating like, half a takeaway pizza? On not hating myself for feeling full, and not letting my fluctuating weight make me feel worthless?
tl;dr do not have fully-fledged eating disorder but am struggling to keep my food down/not worry about my weight 24/7 and need advice on stopping
Thanks. I didn't mean to offend, if I did, I'm sorry.
> Also, Vojvodina is a nice place to live for Catholics due to the sizeable Hungarian minority.
Interesting, I've heard a lot of positive things about it, also that it has lots of cozy towns and nice landscape.
> Nobody here cares about Bosnia or much of anything anymore, we're frankly too busy dealing with EU bullshit and Syrians right now
Are you still being overwhelmed by the refugees? We don't get any news reports on it here so I thought it stopped or at least the influx became insignificant in the recent years?
> Oh and as for beekeeping, my granddad used to do it and it's fairly profitable since you can sell a lot at country fairs and to local businesses. There's also OrganicNet for selling produce online.
Thanks for the tip and that's great to hear about your grandad! I already do some organic beekeeping, though it's really on a small negligible level. Also, I managed to double what I invested within a year and that's without trying much so there's definitely a lot of potential in it. Did you also consider starting a beekeeping business?
I've thought of relocating to Serbia mainly because I've heard from others about lots of fertile lands available. I'm not going to bother you with more questions since I could do my research online, my biggest issue is the bureaucracy, the monthly/yearly costs related to paperwork etc. I have experience with it here so one of the impetus for leaving is the ridiculous amount of taxes for things that have little to do with business, paperwork, waiting for hours in line and officials that are clueless about law and regulations while their job is to know those things. Sorry for the vent. I'm also not happy with our current government and idiots that vote for them so I want to go to a place that isn't so focused on past events. It's the main reasons why plenty of my friends left or are in the process of leaving.
So, my older sister left a long-term abusive relationship over a year ago in which she had two kids from. She's been living at home ever since (as do I), and I recommended checking out OkCupid as I met my current boyfriend of two years off there. She's been using the site since August or so, went on a few dates, and a little over a month ago seems to have met a guy she really likes. Problem is, when I met the guy I got some bad vibes from him. He was speaking to her child WAY too sternly, like he's their actual father. It's kind of hard to explain, but it put me off a lot. He was raising his voice in an annoyed tone essentially. Keep in mind, they'd only gone on their first date maybe 2-3 weeks prior. Speaking of their first date, he met my parents and grandmother on the FIRST date. She invited him, which is another level of weird, but I still can't imagine any normal person wanting to meet family that quickly. Anyway, just today I found out from my mother that he's "hinted at a ring" and that it's secret. She seems fine with it as my whole family seems charmed by him, but seriously, what the FUCK? They've only known of eachother's existence for MAYBE two months and he already wants to propose?
Anyway, I'm really worried about her kids. Judging by how fast he's trying to progress things it wouldn't be surprising if he turns out to also be abusive. Should I try talking to my other family members to find out what they think? I don't want to confront her directly because she'd probably start a fight in result. I'm just really worried and stressed.
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update: lol i told my therapist about this and he aint care about none of this lol. dont know why i bothered. "just write about it and talk about it and everything will be fine anon :)". man, i feel so stupid. therapy never does anything for me. i think i need meds or something. dont think he'll give me any. i live in a third world country don't even know why i thought the therapy here could be any good lol.
should i change doctors or just quit therapy all together and try something else…? he says i'm not trying hard enough to change but i am. thing is, he's too busy asking me about my (current) sex life for me to enjoy his sessions.>>69521
he was a teenager and i was like 6. but we were both underage and he knew i'll do whatever he wanted so :(>>69526
not in my country. why?
change therapists if you can.
meds and therapy can both work, but imo therapy can be really important for growth where as meds just help with the pain of it all. many people end up just getting off their meds and finding themselves in the same old position, whereas with good therapy you may find yourself free of past hurts etc.
However, like medication therapists vary per person. Personally i've had two therapists in my life, 1 would say "this is why you feel this way." where the other would say "why do you think you feel this way?" The second is what i found helped me more, forcing me to think for myself, come to my own conclusions and discuss it with her. however the first therapist was highly recommended despite her method not working for me personally.
before you give up, try with someone new. you're not a hopeless case anon, good luck
I agree with you that his behavior is abnormal. Single men who have never had kids usually don't want to date a woman with them. My only thought for why he would want to meet the family so fast and get married within weeks of meeting is to gain power over your unstable sis and use it as an opportunity to abuse the kids in secrecy, while everyone else thinks he's such a nice guy. This may be a pretty big leap to make from a few sentences but there's so many step parent abuse stories, and abuse often happens within the family. I know of a few stories where an irresponsible mother brought a guy into her and her kids lives and they were sexually abused as a result while nobody suspected it.
I'm not really sure how you could go about mentioning this to your family though, besides "hey, isn't it strange that this guy behaves this way and it might mean hes abusive, and it's bad to introduce a complete stranger into the kids lives?" The focus just needs to be about the children rather than assumptions about his personality, and I think I'd voice my concern with other close family first and then confront her together calmly, ask her to consider the possibilities.
Hopefully you and your family figure it out, your post creeped me out a bit honestly, your sister needs to be more careful bringing about strange men so quickly into her life and ESPECIALLY avoiding letting them know she has kids right away. It's much better to be let down by a guy who doesn't want the extra baggage of children after talking for a while, than to potentially introduce someone seeking out a woman with kids or whatever else into your family. Good luck anon. Trust your gut.
I forgot to mention that he has an ex wife (?) and three kids, but they live a few states away. I'm not sure if he's part of their lives or not, why they split up, which doesn't help any of my suspicions either.
But yes, I agree. Early on she was saying how she wouldn't have him meet the kids soon, but that quickly changed to just introducing him as a friend, then into being close/cuddly I'm front of them all in this short time span. I'd like to think they're just being stupid due to infatuation/the honeymoon phase. I think getting so serious that quickly is stupid in general but when kids are involved it's much worse.
Thanks for the advice though, I'm relieved that someone else thinks it's strange too. I may have overheard my father talking about him in a not-so-positive way, so I'll maybe talk to him first.
Samefag, I'm so sorry.
I think she also introduced him so quickly to my family (first date, first time meeting) because my parents are alcoholics and the house is dirty with many things that need fixing. My sister isn't a great person ngl, and probably did this to make him feel sorry for her and want to "save her". She's into stereotypically masculine men and I assume wants to be a housewife, at least for awhile. There's nothing inherintally wrong with that and I could be wrong for saying this, but it seems like a lot of abusive men desire that type of relationship. However, I believe the job he has would require him to have a clean record. So, maybe they truly are just being stupid and infatuated and rushing into things. It's still selfish to be doing that with so many kids involved, and I will talk to my family.
Kek I get those thoughts to open my car door while driving. I often lock the door compulsively to prevent me from acting on them lmao
Are we both just fucked? Probably
Have you ever considered that maybe you're all just sexist?
If you see any man with sub-8/10 looks, you automatically assume he's a rapist, pedophile, murderer, abuser, creep, etc.
Men have to deal with this discrimination and sexism everyday.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
How do I get my gf, who’s already really sensitive about people criticizing chihuahuas behavior in any form, to train her dog without offending her? she’s particularly defensive about people that criticize their yapping.
It’s just… incredibly loud. It’s embarrassing going with her to a pet store because aggressive dogs aren’t allowed, but she just laughs it off when he’s barking at every single person and growls at every dog he sees.
I think our rats are accustomed to it, but we just adopted a guinea pig yesterday and I want her to get comfortable, her cage is covered just so she won’t freak out when she sees us move so she can explore and get accustomed to it in peace, but his barking is soo fucking loud. He’ll bark every time someone comes home, random sounds outside, hearing someone outside of our bedroom door, and it goes on forever.
I know it stresses her out. Jeez, it stresses ME out.
That, and he only gets bathed on rare occasion and rolls around in dead stuff and smelly shit for fun and I hate it when he gets on the bed.
I’ve tried to explain that I didn’t like him on the bed a while ago, but she’ll let him do it occasionally, so he still thinks it’s okay and i’ll have to be an asshole and push him off now and then.
I mean, his behavior has just been really getting to me lately. He’s constantly whining, barking, peeing on stuff, it’s just really frustrating. I… just don’t like the dog and i know it’s not fair because she’s had it for like 8 or 9 years since a puppy and I’ve only been around for a couple years, but jeez, I feel like it’d be so much better if she trained him.
How can I bring this up without sounding like a dog-hating disney villain?
I seriously need help. Despite living in a beautiful big city, having lots of friends, partying every weekend, having a hot boyfriend, being conventionally attractive, popular, and passing as normal in society, I can't help but be absolutely jealous of a local cow in my community. She's fairly known on this website although not talked about so much anymore and is 100% a cringy weeab. I've shared my jealousy with two people and they were shocked, saying things like, "How could you ever possibly be jealous of her," and being weirded out by her unhealthy obsession with anime culture. I'm on an awesome career path and about to graduate college as a shoo-in to teach English in France yet I can't. Stop. Facebook stalking this weeab. She's hardly attractive outside of the anime community and is completely out of touch with reality. Not only that, she consistently posts cringy, self absorbed shit on social media daily. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I'm using her as an excuse to shit on myself or feel better about myself. I find myself checking her social media almost every day and constantly comparing myself to her. Any time I find a flaw about her, I feel better about myself and anytime she rarely does something impressive, I feel shitty. It's like I envy how open she is about being a self important weeab and soaking in nerd attention yet I could never lower myself to do something like that. I don't know what's wrong with me :( I feel so ashamed of myself especially because I don't feel this way about any other girls in my life and they're 100% way more attractive and talented than this cow. What do I do? I've been going to therapy for complex ptsd for almost two years now and I've never brought this subject up because I'd seriously rather talk about being sexually abused as a child than my jealousy over a girl. I just feel like my mental priorities are so fucked.
It's the attention.
You're jealous of the attention.
Cause if she were a regular thirsty weeb who overshared her crap and wasn't popular, you wouldn't care.
Do you not get enough attention irl? Sounds like you have a good life, when will it be enough?
>>71037>It's like I'm using her as an excuse to shit on myself or feel better about myself
You are and you know it just creates a loop of insecurity and makes you look unhinged. Spending less time on lolcow/4chan and social media and hiding/removing her from Facebook is a good idea. Treat it like a real addiction.
Also you included specific details in your post that will identify you to any anons that know you, so you might as well just accept that you're a bit of a judgemental bitch and admit it openly to any other friends that you're struggling to overcome this. However shitting on the other person isn't helpful, you need to take a look at yourself and the reasons for your insecurities
Are you in actual fact, half the weaboo population in the UK?
If so, stop that
Did you reply to >>71067
was a reply to >>70894
which was about
>Oh God anyone else ever have a friend where you meet up and instantly regret it because they really grate on you?
Sorry this is long.
My sister was a horrible person my entire life, literally from the time I was born up until now so over 20 years. She was the biggest bully in my life, constantly told me I'd wind up alone because nobody could ever love me, stole everything I owned as a kid and either gave it away or lost it/broke it and threatened me into being silent about it, got neighborhood kids to harass and mock me every time I went outside and even molested me for a few years. My mom didn't know about it, I never told her, and she was a single mom working all the time to provide for us.
She left when I was in my early teens and still continued to extort me for what little pocket change I had by either blackmail or guilt trips. We're both adults now and I cut her out of my life until recently because I decided to be the bigger person and let it all go.
She still is the same fucking person and blames me for not trying hard enough to be a good sister to her and her family.
I wrote her this two page letter on why I hate her and everything she did to make my life hell as a kid, and threw in a bit about my accomplishments (world traveling, 4.0 college GPA, amazing soon to be husband) because she has a shitty home life and lives in a trailer park and I wanted her to see how well off I was, that someone did love me and that I wasn't a fat/ugly/useless/stupid piece of shit like she constantly told me I would be.
I wrote it a few weeks ago but didn't send it and now she's apparently happy for me and my new job as I found out from extended family. I guess it just feels petty to send it now but… idk.I want to tell her how I feel but I know she's just gonna turn it around on me and use it as "proof" I was a bad sister and she was just trying to be nice to me etc etc.
Half of me is always so angry that I have to be the bigger person and turn the other cheek and bite my tongue and move on and let her do this to me. I want to be so angry and show off to her and make her miserable like she did to me, but I know how it looks when I say that.
What do you anons think, should I just leave the letter to sit in my desk and never send it, or send it and deal with whatever happens after?
I know that, I was joking that >>71067
must collectively be half of the weeb uk population since they are synonymous with all of the behavior >>70894
was complaining about
Obviously not a funny or even understandable joke if I need to explain it
i know it's nuts but it's an iPhone 7+. I've chosen to go to them because they're more reliable I guess you could say. it feels like an investment. after this phone, I'm not buying another for 2-3 years, 5 max. the phone that's not working well I actually bought this past summer for $200 (LG stylo 3 plus) and it already needs to be replaced.
there were some that were lower than that but I felt that the seller's were scamming. they wouldn't answer questions regarding the phone info at all. this person sent my a snap of the information in the phone settings too, so I'm way more inclined to buy from them for that.
I accidentally reported this post trying to delete it, oh my god.
There are a lot of scams with secondhand phones, especially if you are meeting in person. So be careful.
Is there no way to buy a new one from a phone shop, or Amazon?
Anyway, good luck…
Enjoy your shitty battery life.
Lots of cheap android phones out there, Huawei have come out with a few nice ones recently, and I have a Sony Xperia that's tiny and the battery lasts for days. No reason to get an iPhone nowadays.
you don't have to tell me twice. I request the IMEI upfront. only 2 have agreed to do so out of about 10-15. it's very telling about these these people and I drop them from consideration. one even asked for my number to talk about the phone when there's a chat feature. I am a very impatient person, and I can't save money. I end up wasting it on food and makeup. I made an agreement with my aunt to watch my spending and to get this phone out of the way so that I can focus on saving. I've asked my uncle to come with me for pick up as I am a girl and I've seen women mention how buyers try to rob them (female and male). >>71262
yeah, I'm gonna miss my battery, I won't lie about that. I've never had one and if push comes to shove I can resell it for something else. I've just been dissatisfied with some of the latest Android phones to tell you the truth, and the camera features of this phone peaked my interest enough to want to try one. I was also kind of hoping to FaceTime my boyfriend, because messenger keeps fucking up for us (he's abroad rn). we're always missing each other's calls or we can't hear each other. it'd be nice to see him.
I almost changed it to this, didn't think it was right but figured someone would correct me. thank you.>>71272
…I don't believe it's a necessity or investment because of the brand, it's because it won't break down after a couple months of use; I'm aiming for longevity and durability. I mean, there are people with 4s still. they last quite a while. the camera features
interested me. I'm not talking specifically of quality.
I'm tired of buying cheaper Androids that are done for before the year is up. the only one I've had that's been very good to me I've passed down to a sibling years ago. I've already requested a free repair estimate from the nearest CPR since they didn't have my phone as an option but I'm not certain I'll get a response fast enough.
Maybe I need less advice and more of a pep talk but I just need to unload some info. Gonna greentext it because it's long
>Move out of home state a few years ago with fiance
>friends want to move out to same area
>They come live with us for the last few months of our lease, planning to get a two bedroom to split
>Give them their first month free so they don't blow through savings before getting a job
>month before we're out tell us they want their own place (fine with us because we were not working as roommates)
>tell us the DAY BEFORE rent is due they're not paying half because they're leaving early. Go as far as to calculate the cost per day and cut it in half
>agree to pay half bills but to this day have not done so
>Suddenly left with more than half rent
>still have a deposit to pay
>still haven't signed lease because fiance can't find a job and our credit is bad and we need to prove income
>SOMEHOW through the kindness of friends and working literally every single hour I possibly can we manage to get the place
>guy at the office even pulls strings to apply our first month free to our deposit so we have way less to put down to get in
>Use last of money on moving truck, do more than half the moving and packing ALONE because fiance is working and won't help when he's not
>He's been stressed, I let it go, but he broke my favourite mug by not being careful when we were moving
>Whatever we're here
>Come home day after we move in
>Cat i've had 10 years is dead
>fiance takes care of everything
>Friends help bring him and everything so i don't have to do it
>lowest option for cremation is $80
>we have $20
>Roommate from before works at the hospital they went to
>Immediately pays for a nice package that got me his pawprint too $150
>husband pays this back his first opportunity
>time passes, his grandma comes to visit
>She hates her visit here as we overhear her telling her husband on the phone
>Thinks we're lazy because we've finally had a break from stress and aren't unpacking very quickly (we'd been there two weeks)
>she unpacked a ton of stuff out of boredom because we were too broke to do anything
>took her to nature stuff though which she did enjoy so i just promise to make the next visit better
>She agrees, every other year.
>feel like shit tho
>Next month goes by fine. We're late on first month's rent but we just pay the late fees and it's fine
>our checks should cover rent fine next month
>checks do not cover our rent fine next month (we got sick around the same time so we were both around $100 short from normal which fucked us)
>It's fine we'll just have to cover late fees
>next check for fiance is approaching
>terrified we won't have enough
>having a near nonstop anxiety attack for the entire week leading up to payday
>MIRACULOUSLY HIS GRANDPA SENDS HIM $200 FOR HIS BIRTHDAY
>My grandpa miraculously sends me $100 because he's paying me back for helping him with bills
>BY THE SKIN OF OUR TEETH WE HAVE ENOUGH
>I get two more checks before rent and he has three so we might legit be fine next month
>Not taking chances, i apply to jobs like crazy th whole week leading up to the rent payment
>Day of an interview is same day rent is due
>go to shared credit union, they an't write me a check for a shared branch
>call grocery store
>Can you do certified check
>Oh, no we can't. i answered your call but i was wrong
>drive all the way to my bank
>lose a quarter of gas because of this bullshit
>Whatever, have job interview
>make it just barely on time
>Manager isn't there
>They call her for me
>Lol i got sent home early and forgot i had an interview
>Whatever i live close, reschedule for today
>today finally goes well
>ace the interview, gotta wait to interview the DM but i'll probably get it
>interview monday at a job i actually want
>FIANCE ARE HANGRY
>FIANCE ARE WANT BURGER
>Go to burger king
>his cards declined
>FUCK was i wrong about how much was left?
>reluctantly use the cash in my wallet
>drop him off at work
>MIRACULOUSLY HIS CARD HAS SAME AMOUNT ON IT FOR GAS
>Was literally short some change
>Everything went better than expected
Today was good besides my fiance being kind of an asshole and being grumpy, but he confided he's been really sad because he misses my cat. I've been burying it because i don't handle loss well, but he doesn't handle it well very openly so I get it. Trying to cut him slack even though he was kinda a douche
Sorry for the REALLY LENGTHY post but the people in my life are sick of hearing my stories because my life is just ntohing but downers lately lol and i know it…I just needed to get all of this out somewhere and just feel some relief.
I should definitely get one of these jobs since I usually ace interviews (Being good at customer service for me translates into my interviews pretty easily. An interview is just an upsell of yourself!) so if i get one of these second jobs we won't be paycheck to paycheck anymore.
Plus minimum wage goes up in my state jan 1st so i'll be making a little bit extra already, thank fuck.
I also work christmas, by choice, yay overtime!So i feel amazingly better for once.
Life sucks guys but honestly the only thing that got me through it all was believing it can get better. If I can pass on some advice to any of you in exchange for my lengthy post, it's that whenever something shit is happening, no matter what it is, take a deep breath. Clear your mind, force it to shut up for two seconds, and say it out loud so you can affirm it to yourself, "It's going to get better." "It will be okay."
Because even if you have to wade in shit for months, eventually shit's gonna let up, but you can't let the crushing weight of despair weigh you down from taking steps that could make things better. For me that was continuing to apply to jobs and work my ass off at my current one to try to either move up (supervisor positions keep opening but i need to be trained in all areas of the store before i can move up) or find something better.
If i can survive this tidal wave of garbage in just three months, you guys can make it through anything too.
Aw anon, reading this it's very similar to me and my fiance's life. I also lol'd at "FIANCE ARE WANT BURGER"
living by the skin of your teeth with this kind of stress is really hard. We've been doing it for a year aand a half and it does stress the relationship a lot. I know you probably already know but it's important to talk to your fiance about the stress and for him to know he can talk to you too. The number 1 stress for us in the end that we only recently discussed was that we never really felt like we could talk about the situation without one of us getting upset. You seem to be handling it very well though.
I just got a new job Friday also so I send you all my nice new job good interview vibes, you will do great and things will look up for you both and you will both have many burger.
Sorry to hear about all your stress anon. Did the cat die due to any particular reason (stress at moving, eating poison plant at new place, etc? Or just old age?).(anxious animal lover here so I worry about these things)
Really shitty luck, hope you get the job(s) and everything starts going more smoothly.
It sounds like you're just not a (physiologically) sexual person Anon. Being bone-dry is not common but also might reflect on your lack of attraction to those guys/their lack of prowess.
As for the bi element, just let experiences happen organically rather than worrying about sexual competency, especially as sex is not performative as a female so it really is not an issue in that sense (even female-female). The most important thing is having a natural attraction to your partner, regardless of gender, and that's not something you can learn. It's biology. It's either there or it's not and it's not your fault
if the attraction isn't happening such as in your examples with guys.
Also- other people being more sexually experienced shouldn't make you feel bad-we all mature at different rates.
Thank you anon. He had cancer so it was inevitable. I knew it was coming before we moved, but god I didn't think it would literally be the DAY we were finished. It's been the hardest part to keep trying to stay positive through all of this bullshit without even having him to comfort me. He got into a bad chemical once when he was a young cat and I personally think that shit (it was MEDICAL GRADE shit my mom fucking brought home because she's stupid) eventually caused it in him.
Thank you. I got the call back for the second interview today (it's on tuesday) and I'm confident in the one for tomorrow.I've been feeling better since putting in rent yesterday (And actually after I picked fiance up yesterday from work he apologized for being an asshole earlier in the day too which helped) it's just a matter of biding time and having confidence it's going to get better.
I didn't see this one sorry for double post.
I wish it was as funny in person (we just don't have the money and I would've rather have spent it on groceries instead of one meal)
I'm unfortunately getting to a point where I can't talk to him about it. He doesn't handle stress nearly as well as I do so I've kinda buried a lot of it. However, in the past whenever we hit a tough situation this is kinda how i just AM yknow? I end up crying for hours after everything is done and he always supports me then, so I'll get my turn to let it out eventually.
Thanks anon, congrats on the job :) I hope you like it and it pays well!
Poor little thing! Thank you for sharing with me, I definitely agree with your theory as to the cause. It's great he lived so long after actually getting into the chemical, shows how tough and happy he was! (and of course we can't help doing stupid things sometimes)
Great that the interviews are going well too! Fingers crossed for you. Staying calm helps a ton in these situations and I get a sense you are cool, calm and collected which 'll help you through.
Let your family (relevant to your mom) know that your uncle and father contacted you on the sly. Sounds like they are up to something. Since it clearly wasn't a friendly interaction. They probably want money/favors off you and think the decades of no contact can be bypassed when they want something. (I have a similar-ish situation, haha).
You've done the right thing to block. Just make sure everyone knows he contacted you+you are not friends/don't know him as they're probably trying to spread lies amongst your other relatives and so on and so forth. Maintaining the truth and avoiding contact is the best way.
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I don't know what to make of my sexuality anymore. In high school I had a really intense crush on a guy (I was too autistic to do anything about it), along with a mild crush on a girl. I've never had my first kiss or done anything with anyone. I rarely masturbate (very low sex drive) and I haven't really had feelings for a year or two now. I don't know what to consider myself… any advice?
Is a specific label really necessary? You just like what you like is all. Why not call yourself bi if youre attracted to men and women, if anything? Sorry, that's not really helpful.>>71382
Hey anon, similar crazy side of the family here. Dont give them the time of day and youll feel at ease. Pretend they dont even exist. My narcissist father also keeps trying to contact me by leaving guilt trippy messages when I stopped talking to him because hes a piece of shit. Youre not obligated to talk to people you dont like just because of blood relation. I understand its quite stressful and overwhelming at first, but it gets easier if you allow yourself to feel no emotion towards them like theyre strangers. If anyone from your crappy side of the family persistently tries to contact you (keeps happening to me) just keep blocking and ignoring, dont try to reason with or fight them.
if labels make you happy, you can call yourself biromantic asexual. Asexual does not mean no sex drive completely, may be just a low one. I, for example, consider myself "gray-A" which is mostly "idk, igaf, but definitely not as sexual/romantic as the others".
But I recommend giving it all a rest. Thinking about it too much only gives a person headache.
because I answered her question? Are you triggered
when you hear a word "label" or? Some "sceptics" have even more sensitive assholes than tumblrinas, I swear.
I even recommended not thinking about it, it's not important for me too but anon asked for an advice in an advice thread. Chill.
lol nta, but you're the one who seems triggered
. you didn't even answer her question well, and gave a bunk millennial definition for asexual. calm down and go take a nap or something.
I'm the one who originally asked the question. Can you all stop acting so retarded?
I'm calling myself asexual for now because even though I'm not fond of the word myself, it's the best way I can describe my situation without going into tumblrina territory. I don't care what it means, I just wanted some words to settle my anxiety.
Well you're still in Uni. Use your last year as a chance to meet someone. Join a club or some kind of study group or SOMETHING. Go to social events your school puts on and meet people.
Otherwise, just be out in public and talk to people. If you like a guy/girl's shirt, compliment it and try to go from there or if you're both checking out the same thing, go for it.
The literal worst thing they're going to do is not respond 9/10.
As for internet dating, it's uncomfortable. I've done it and it kinda sucks. You don't get a good idea of who the person on the other end is just from their cherry-picked profile. Internet dating is more for sex than anything so use it if you wanna bang someone quick and forget about them but don't bother. Some people find love, I found a lot of headaches.
Though I will say this: If I had never dated the last guy I met online, I wouldn't have worked at the job where I met my friend who later introduced me to my now-fiance.
Life will lead you there sometimes, just don't ignore the opportunities.
Not everyone fits under a pretty little label, anon. If that's the best way the op can get across what kind of person they are quickly even if their answer would be "asexual sorta" it's still good enough.
Caring that much if a label fits you perfectly is why OP is struggling in the first place.
I have like zero sex drive myself and don't identify as asexual but sometimes in relevant conversation it's easier to say "I'm basically asexual" to get the point across.
Just like I say "I'm basically a lesbian who ended up falling for a guy" when I talk about my sexual preferences. I don't fit well under anything (Even bi doesn't really fit me).
The sooner you stop caring and just do you the better.
god are you stupid?
>not everyone fits under a label>telling the anon who told OP NOT to try to fit under a label and was simply explaining low sex drive doesn't mean you need to label yourself
did you even read what you responded to??
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Advice on how to deal with grief and the feelings of build up just before?
My dad is about to finally die of cancer that is too far down the line to cure, he has days if that
I have been a mess- all year there's been scares where he's nearly gone but this time feels final and I can't stop crying and feeling a bunch of emotions I can't describe. I'm going to try and see him in hospital before he goes but I may not make it.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with grief? I'm an only child and I'm in my early twenties so I am losing him very young and my mother and I are both in pieces. I rent away from home so I take the train to see them.
I don't know what to expect, where to start and how hard it will be for my boyfriend and friends to be there for me because I worry easily about being a pain. Please help
Shit man, I wish I could help you or just do something but I can’t. My dad got diagnosed with cancer a while ago and it looks like it’s gonna be ok, but I’m sure it someday will come back.. idk. Never lost someone close and I’m not sure when it happens if I’m gonna be able to take it.
Sorry I couldn’t just ignore your post, hold close to your fondest memories of him anon. Be around others who love you and seek professional help if needed.
My mom is nuts! She's addicted to opiates, alcohol, weed, even fucking food. I hate her so much sometimes. Today, she had a doctor's appointment, but she's on a drug contract with her doctor because she's on pain meds. But the dumb bitch wants to smoke weed too. So she knows my pee is clean and made me take one of her pills and give her my pee. Which fine, I agreed to it like a dumb bitch myself because she'd make life hell if I didn't.
Well this morning I went to go pee cause I really had to and I totally forgot to collect it. She got so crazy with me. Saying I better drink water or coffee to make myself pee again or else she won't take me to work or school or anything. Even though if I stopped going to work we couldn't afford this house because she doesn't work since she's a fat lazy cunt. Then she through the dog's water bowl at me, getting me wet in dog water. I was so mad, so I just told her no. I wasn't going to pee. But she kept yelling, so I eventually did just pee.
When I got home she was all trying to be nice to me and all I'm sorry, but that I shouldn't have been mean to her and whatever she was saying. I'm just so upset with her. She makes me feel like I'm going crazy. There's a lot more to this, but I didn't want it to be so long. I just feel so hopeless.
Hey thank you, it's sweet you would reach out to me- I am sorry to hear about your dad and I hope there's a lot of hope for him and that it can be cured
Thank you again, you're sweet
Oh anon that's absolutely awful. There isn't anything anyone can say to make you feel better right now, but it honestly does get easier with time when you lose a parent. My dad got in a car accident when I was a baby and for 8 years he was in a coma due to severe brain damage. Every year we had a scare where we thought he'd die as he'd get ill often, mostly with pneumonia and things of that nature. He never got better and was basically left to get sick over and over until one time the pneumonia got him. I was 9 when he died and it was very traumatic as I always thought he would magically get better. It is very hard to describe what it's like to lose a parent, but it is a very big event that we all have to go through. You do feel extremely lost for a long time, angry, anxious. The whole gamut, you will feel it. And that is okay.
The best thing is to have a good support system and to know that it will take any amount of time for you to feel okay with having lost your father. I can't remember when that happened for me as it is so gradual, but I do know it took a while. Surround yourself by loved ones and try and keep focused on something, whether that be work, school or a hobby. Be there for your mum and hold her when she needs it.
Lastly, I say refrain from trying to be 'strong'. You're fully within your right to cry, feel low and break down. There is no weakness in sadness or grief.
Sorry if this was rambling, and I am so sorry this is happening to you, especially at this time of year. But you will get through it, anon. Promise.
(sorry for my shitty English)
My father died of cancer when I was 21. It will be 3 years the day after Christmas.
I strongly recommend talking to him before he dies. My father was basically in a vegetative state when he left so he couldn't understand what I said, but I still talked to him and told him all the things I wish I had said sooner, and it helped a lot afterwards. It's very hard to do, but I really recommend doing it. My mother had strongly advised me to do it because she didn't talk to her own father before he died and it still pains her after more than 20 years.
It will be hard, especially because it's happening during the Christmas season, but good support and time will heal your wounds. I promise.
I've had the "waves of interest" guy before. If you worry about it it'll drive you mad. He will do it again, hot and cold and keep making you feel shitty.
The point is he
came on strong and then backed off, so it is on him. You didn't cause it.
I'm in college right now and I've failed some classes because of an illness that was previously undiagnosed. How completely fucked am I?
Guys, I'm ugly.
I look like Peggy Olsen from the 1st season of mad men.
Big teeth, lips don't touch, big ugly nose, dark hollows under my eyes, bad skin, mediocre hair and mediocre body.
What do I even do about this? I deal with some pretty serious health issues, it limits me somewhat but I still have a part time job and go to university. I have a few talents, a few friends, lots of hobbies, and a lousy, but presentable, dress sense.
I realize that the basics are drink water, exercise, lose weight, wear makeup, take care of your hair and health, eat right, get enough sleep. But I'm still ugly. Still awkward looking.
I realize I should stop caring about how I look and instead I should focus on school and honing my talents, making myself a better person. But in a world dominated by the value of appearances, I feel severely limited by my physical state.
I'm the anon you replied to. Depends on your field, I guess.
I'm willing to take anything that would be helpful for gainful employment. I also want to apply to some programs but I'm wary of the application fee. Some of them are over $50. My family can afford it but I feel like I'm throwing money away.
Saaaaaame thing here anon! We've been on and off. We got into a couple fights over text and now he isn't responding to me but he's opening my instagram stories almost every single day. I sent a couple short friendly DM's through instagram and he hasn't read them either. Yet he's been opening my stories and he's been posting stories himself. I'm pretty confused. I don't know if he put me on mute on DM or what? But if he dislikes me right now I doubt he would even open my stories. I've just been so tired from work since it's near Christmas and this feels like a weird dream lol>>71930
Like this anon said, it does
drive you mad. Since I'm so sleep deprived I was even getting weird dreams about it.
I appreciate both your advice
Unfortunately he died two days ago before I got to him but this year we did manage to talk a lot and I'm thankful
I am the type who tries to remain outwardly strong and I've been in pieces so it's reassuring to be told it's ok to not be strong
I am so so sorry for your losses too and I want to hug you
To use a tumblrism, you are demisexual- only interested in a partner you love e.g your boyfriend, and bi at least in your fantasies. You won't know for sure unless you try to date girls at some point, but being bi is no problem (probably no better time to be bi or gay with all the positive press and legalized marriage). So you have nothing to worry about.
Btw lesbian fantasies are crazy common amongst "straight" women, partially to do with how women are sexualized and how lesbians are viewed as "sexy" by the media. So basically you're in good company and a lot less unusual than you think.
If you read more comments on here you'll see some Anons have found out their boyfriends' porn choices are very different to their actual girlfriend's appearances and ages. Men do not view their differing sexual fantasies as cheating, so neither should you.
This is really your decision anon. If it were me I'd probably give in and make sure they were okay, especially if I knew they were close to that family member and probably dip once they were able to deal with it, probably starting with something like "Look we aren't friends anymore but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. Are you doing okay and is there anything I can do for you?"
If you guys were close, sometimes it can be s tep towards repairing their toxicity if they realize how good of a friend you really were but it's a slim chance.
I think the best advice is to tell you not to though, depending on in what way they were toxic.
I used LinkedIn to reach out to alumni that are in careers/ companies I am interested in. From there, I set up coffee chats to ask questions and give off a good impression.
I think ultimately you need to have a focus on what type of job/career you want. I narrowed down my outreach and job applications based on the industry I want. Only regret I have is not diversifying a little more, as the field I was going for was extremely competitive.
should I purchase lolita clothing? I really love how the clothing looks, but realistically I am a bit shy about wearing it in public. I feel like my youth is fleeting and I want to be a kawaii weeabo girl before I get too old to get the chance…opinions?
If I do buy the clothes, I'm probably only going to wear it for photoshoots or in my house lol
Thanks anon! I think the main thing holding me back is I'm still a student and don't want to spend my parents money buying this stuff.
I'm probably going to get a part-time job so I can buy lolita clothes. mfw broke af but also don't want to be cheap and end up looking like an ita
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In my early 20s, where can I find a "boduoir photographer" for a reasonable price?
I want to do some for my boyfriend as a surprise, professionally, but I am on a budget and there's only a couple in my local area and idk what to search for specifically
How do I seek out safe photographers online?
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i recently got into a disagreement with my boyfriend on why he doesn't get me jewelry or flowers. he used to get me flowers all the time in the beginning of the relationship because he knew how much they meant to me.
before we got together he told me about all the rings and necklaces he showered his ex with, but that was super toxic bc he would spend literally all his money to make her happy. he told me he felt like all the gifts he gets me now ( little plushies, books, etc. ) were in sense, flowers and jewelry.
i straight up asked if i dont seem like the kind of girl who would like flowers or jewelry instead of the toys and he said yeah, that I dont dress really glamorous at all, that I seem really casual. it hurt me a little because I do want to dress nicer but we dont really do anything when we go out plus im kind of in between straight sizes and plus size where everything is too big or too small.
I know the biggest problem was communication but we are pretty good at working on that. i dont want him to starve himself to afford a gift i would like, but i cant help but still feel sad about it. i know its selfish and irrational, but i guess it has a lot to do with me not feeling feminine and in a sense pretty enough? i would love to dress like I'm from a Ted Baker catalog all the time, but I need cheaper that options that also have a bigger range of sizes?
The thing is, I know he watches porn and it's fine as long as he comes to me for sex first. If I say no, I can't deny him the right to jerk it.
I don't like camgirls or SG because of the platform and the ability to contact them. Porn is disconnected, cam and sg are not. We had a massive fight about it and he admitted he was in the wrong and now like 6 months later he's following one and I'm not sure if I should bring that up again or not for the fear of looking insecure. Tbh, I feel like it's sneaky and lying that he followed one. He also hasn't been as frisky with me so that's what made me suspicious and look.
>As long as he comes to me for sex first
Why are you policing this? Has he banned you from watching porn unless you ask him first? Policing someone's porn AND who they follow online is a bit controlling, no?
Let the man live, it sounds like you're running an oppressive regime over there
>>73222>This is the first relationship where I am treated really well. Yet he is all sorts of flirty with female friends and they vice versa.
Somebody doing this, especially after you expressing concerns about it, doesn't sound like good treatment or character.
>He cheated in two past relationships
And he will continue to cheat. People don't change.
>I have been with significantly less people (5) to him (16 or 17–he can't remember). I know that number is not high.
It is, actually. Not crazy high, but your number a way closer to the average.
>There has to be something wrong with me.>I hate that I am like this.
The only thing wrong with you is that a string of shitty relationships has fucked up your self esteem and given you a warped concept of what being treated well means and what is and isn't a red flag. Shitty people are really good at detecting people with your issues, that's why after the first bad relationship you kept getting into ones with other shitty people. They're predatory. He doesn't deserve trust and isn't "sweet". Your issue isn't unfixable, though, just stay out of relationships for awhile, get therapy, work on yourself, etc, and eventually you'll stop attracting so many people like that and be equipped to judge people more accurately.
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So I'm currently in a relationship right now with a really good guy, he has some flaws but he is incredibly loyal and loves me so much. We have been going on for 6 years now, but I always have a nagging feeling that I want to be with someone else (anyone else).
I don't know if my intrinsic nature is just hungry for male attention or anything, but a lot of guys/guyfriends like me and I always fantasize about what could have been or about leaving with them instead. There was even a time I made out with some guy but and yea I'm a piece of shit. Am I a piece of shit or are these doubts normal?
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My boyfriend and me have been together over a year and whilst we still have honeymoon phase moments, I want to make him fall all over ahain and seduce him a little to rekindle and also because I know he'll make more effort again and I won't feel like I'm losing my novelty
What are some ways I can seduce and win his heart all over again? Any ideas appreciated, I love when he'd fuss me and do sweet things for me and I know simply nagging him to pay me more attention or chase me has no effect- how do you make a guy want to chase you again?
>>73252>le cock carousel until reaching le wall
I used to be like that as well. Do you also struggle with choosing career paths, hobbies, major decisions? For me it was always tied to that, because I wanted to do so many things (and be with so many people - not for casual sex, but for a relationship) - and realistically could
do so many things. But you can't do it all, you have to choose.
Oh, and part of the reason why I struggled with it so much was because I grew up on the internet and believed retarded /b/tard redpill crap until I was 20, so I was terrified of "wasting my youth" on the wrong guy, because I thought I had to marry whoever I got with. Cue finding infinite flaws, getting paranoid about him not being good enough, dumping, etc. So I loathe redpillers who think believing their shit is beneficial to anyone. If anything, it just makes women pickier.
I actually had to break up eight one year long relationships with eight different guys who really loved me until I "sated" my curiosity and found someone I loved. A few things/advice I picked up and that were helpful to me and might be helpful if you're similar:
1. You'll always be curious and feel some longing, just like you'll always be curious and longing for that STEM job you won't get because you went into humanities. Can't have both, cherish what you have and don't focus on what ifs.
2. No boy is the perfect boy. Find someone agreeable with a lifestyle compatible with yours that you like, and everything else can be negotiated and overcome if you love each other and are willing to talk.
3. No, really, you'll always feel the curiosity. I experienced it first-hand, no amount of relationships will make it go away, and it's easy to get used to the "there's something wrong with this one guy/damn, I could be with that other guy… NEXT!" lifestyle, and it's not pleasant.
Thanks a lot anon, I really resonated with EVERYTHING you typed out. I've always been someone who is indecisive and wants to try everything.
When you did end up with the person who satisfied you the most, did you settle down with them because you thought they had least flaws, best fit for you, or just the sense of wanderlust was gone?
I'm probably going to avoid the /b/ shit, because it probably did some unhealthy effects on me.
Report back cause I'm also determined to change my name too because I hate it to all get go. I'm just so scared of the judge laughing in my face and denying me. I'm also getting married soon so I could wait to kill two birds with one stone.
Have you thought about moving to another state after you change your name?
Is this bait… i mean…
Yes anon, it is worth it.
What if we said "yes, it's too late"?
Would you just spend the next 60 years of your life being as fat and ugly as you feel you are? Just because you're in your 20s, just because it's "too late" that doesn't mean it's just time to dig your grave and step into a coffin. The 5 or so golden years that you missed aren't worth more than the next 6 decades you still have.
Since 10 I've been unwilling to wear a dress/skirt or shorts that can't reach my knees. It's fine on the rare occasion that I cosplay characters that do wear these clothes, but when I try wearing them outside of cosplay it just feels wrong, like I'm not supposed to, so I stick to wearing baggy jeans. I also don't like having my arms and neck exposed so even during summer I'd wear hoodies/turtlenecks.
I've never thought about it until it was brought up during a chat with friends, they'd go on and on about me wasting my good legs and figure (which I don't understand because I'm skinny af and don't have their curves). I told them I don't even want to make an effort to look good because I don't think it's necessary, then they argued that I won't be able to get a bf/gf, but I don't want to be in a relationship at all.
I get that you can look good for yourself and not for others, but still, should I change? Because I'm now 23 and I can't wear hoodies and baggy jeans for the rest of my life. I'd love to wear more fitted men-style/gender neutral casual suits because I like how I look and feel in them. In fact this winter I bought two suit jackets that I'm starting to wear more frequently with my turlenecks and cardigans, and wear suit pants for work and jeans when out with friends. I also bought a double-breasted coat that made me feel dapper af. But my mom thinks I'm not feminine enough and my friends think I look nice but too pretentious, and again wasting my good legs. Should I listen to them and start wearing dresses and skirts? And if so how should I conquer my disgust? I don't really know what to do with my appearance since I'm ugly and I've never cared. Anons that suffered through my text wall, any advice?
You can dress nicely while not looking super feminine, many people find the more neutral look very appealing. If you want to try out a feminine look with skirts and stuff, maybe try wearing something with tights which gives off a classier look and doesn't fully expose your legs. It's a good idea to put effort into your appearance but don't feel forced to dress girly if you're not a fan of the look, people have different styles and you should wear what appeals to you.
I definitely relate to only wearing a hoodie and jeans even in the summer months but I'm trying to break out of that as well. Good luck anon!
I totally know how you feel because I'm kind of in a similar situation, though in my case it's mostly because of my lack of free time and buying a lot of things when they're on sales. I also have a 3DS and a PSVita actually. At least for video games what you can do is try to list all the video games you have and the ones you want, and try to sort the out by what you want, like maybe you can prioritize short games, or the ones that can be played online (because of servers), etc. I use HLTB to create these lists little by little but I think there are other websites you can use. Then try to get used to playing whenever you have enough free time, and your backlog will diminish little by little without you even noticing because it'll become a habit. It's especially true for RPGs, and there are many long ones on the 3DS. It could also work for books, idk because it's not really a hobby of mine anymore because of the lack of free time.
As for learning how to sew, I know some of my friends tried to learn how to knit and were only really motivated when they tried to learn together so maybe try to find a friend who can help you with that? Although that's easier said than done.
>I have thought about selling or returning these items, but then I feel like I would regret that deeply, because I still want to own them.
I had to sell a lot of manga a year ago, and I personally regret selling only some of them. At the time I really wanted money so I didn't take the time to sort out what I wanted to sell. If it ever happens that you have to sell some video games or books, think about it deeply before doing anything, check what you want to keep because you'll use them later, or if you want to start a collection of something. But don't force yourself to keep things you know you will never play or read or whatever. And try to see where you can make the best deals.
If it helps you feel less guilty, try to only buy physical copies so you can eventually sell them or give them, and try to buy them secondhand if possible since it's less expensive most of the time. Sorry, that wasn't very coherent.
I'd had the same problem before anon, not only I get to earn some money, but also the free time and space I've wanted for years. It had felt overwhelming and unreal, being able to do the things I've always wanted that I didn't know where to start. I convinced myself that learning things involve a lot of messing around and that it's ok to mess up at first, because the thought of myself being inadequate stopped me from trying new things.
Looking at your list of things, if I were you I'd start with the sewing machine. Buy some cheap fabric and thread to fuck around sewing different kinds of lines, testing out the functions and familiarize yourself with the machine. You can then try sewing simple things like handkerchiefs that you can use, and from there move onto simple projects like bodices and skirts, so on and so on. You can find free patterns and tutorials online. Take your time, you're never too old to sew.
Invite your friends over to play with the consoles, just have fun! Socialize a bit! Just associate "fun" with the consoles and you'll be motivated to pick it up and play yourself.
As for the books, bring a book with you to work, read during breaks, or if you take public transportations, during commute. Include the books in your daily life.
My god! Exactly that happened to me as well!
I signed up at a few of them in within just a few days i probably up to 50 of them; immediately deleted again
(Plus they get so angry when you tell them that No you're not interested that he's an architect in egypt…)
not an app, but try ohmyjapan. i've met a few people on there wanting to learn english that add me on skype and stuff and it's been positive!
also fucking this >>73592
i just block them >>73594
Sorry for taking a while to respond! Mostly I think the sense of wanderlust was gone, but I probably would have kept going because of the inertia if I hadn't found someone I deeply respect as a person and not just as a boyfriend.
Staying away from /b/ullshit will do you good. Best of luck, anon
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I sleep all the time and even if I don' sleep I'm tired. I live like that most of my life, but recently is getting a lot worse.
I can't live normally anymore because I only sleep. I did blood test again recently and my thyroid, anemia, glucose is ok.
My pulse is also ok.
So next week I'm going to do some more blood test, and here is my question for you, do you have any ideas what more should I check in my blood?
I also thought to do brain MRI…
Oh, and i did also echocardiogram and electrocardiography and everything was ok besides one thing, the doctor said that my heart is really small but when I asked if this is reason of fatigue she said no. Is that true? And there are some ways to make it bigger?
Also, yes, I tried exercising and I eat healthy, but nothing changes. And it's not probably psychological thing.
Sorry, I'm desperate and I'm searching for answers.
>always tired>now even worse
That's me too. Things that help:
Making sure you have enough protein, cooked hot food (not pre-cooked or "ready to eat"), biotin supplements (may give you spots), not being on contraceptive pill, not drinking alcohol, not drinking sugary drinks inc squash, drinking pure water (filtered, bottled), going to the country for fresh air or getting an air conditioner. A lot of things and patience and it will improve.
I say that's a win anon. You get to be closer to home at an affordable school. You can pay your parents back later, they get it. Everything is gonna work out and if you don't think so just remember that anon who told you so!! Aka me.
I'm assuming you went to the east coast so thank God you're not there anymore. It's hard to adjust there if you're not used to it.
Not sure if this counts as being a NEET, it's me skipping summer classes and locking myself up in my room for most of the day because I'm too terrified of my grumpy drunk dad (who had lost his job and got into debt) to be seen by him.
>Wake up around noon, listen for TV noises/mumbling, if all is clear that means dad went out to buy booze, so I get out to use the toilet, and say hi to mom before she leaves for work. If noises were there I'd wait till he leaves while I eat (usually bread). If I hear my parents argue I'd wait till they get physical and bolt to pull mom into my room.
>Talk with the school social worker I've been seeing for two years over the phone, I didn't want to leave because my mom was still there so the social worker made me call her every day to make sure I'm safe
>Spend the rest of the afternoon on the internet, reading books, and taking naps. No I don't have friends to talk to.
>When dad passes out from the booze (evidenced by heaving snoring), usually around 9-10 pm I'd get out, take a quick shower, then get changed to go to my part-time job as a karaoke waitress at 11
>Have employee meal then work. Work ends at 6 am. Wash face and slap on moisturizing cream because I want to go straight to my room when I go home, I'd never know if dad's awake or not
>Buy food and stuff at convenience store on the way home
>Clean up the vomit and mess at the living room if dad has passed out, bolt to safety of room if not
Rinse, wash, repeat, until you go home and find that your dad had chocked on his own vomit.
Yeah, tbh I thought that I may have that chronic fatigue syndrome. But the worst thing is that when I do my best people be like "you need try harder" like I AM TRYING, this is the most fucking funny thing. Sorry, but this thing goes on my nerves.
And after exercises I actually feel worse and I immediately want to sleep, a lot more works for me long walks with dogs tbh. I also lose weight recently because of low appetite and I wonder if this may cause bigger fatigue.
Otherwise, thanks for advices, I will try biotin supplements and I will eat more food with protein. thx again!
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Sooo, I accidentally managed to stumble across one of my roommates' YouTube channels while looking up dorm inspiration. It wasn't like it was weird or anything, it's just a regular college vlog channel, but now I'm feeling a little tense about it? And idek why really? She made of one those "worst roommate experience ever"-type videos, and the gripes that she had with her old roommate were entirely reasonable (apparently, the last girl she was roomed with would leave her crusty underwear just sprawled out on the floor, leave menstrual blood on the toilet, rip her stuff off of the walls whenever she was home away for the weekend, be continuously rude, and a bunch of even grosser, weirder stuff), but now I'm like "Oh, shit. I hope she doesn't do this with me." I mean, I would never, ever intentionally do anything like that in my life. I try my best to clean up after myself. If anything, my own room might be a bit untidy, but I always try and pick up in stuff that's communally used. Now I sort of just wanna stay in my own lane. I'm probably being paranoid, but idk. I'm shy and awkward as hell, and honestly I'm not even really sure how else to interact with my roommates other than say hi or good morning in passing if we bump into each other.
ANYWAY, long-winded shit aside, how are you guys with your roomies? I'm not expecting us to be like best friends or anything (I'm only going on my second week of school starting Monday), but is it unfriendly to just keep to myself for the most part? If I'm in my room and still awake, I keep more door just slightly ajar, but if I can hear someone else around in like the kitchen or the sinks, I wait until it's free to start doing my own thing. Is that weird or should I just chill out?
I just moved in to my dorm Saturday and i kind of have the same concerns. My roommate was telling me about how her old roommate was actually crazy (she would let her boyfriend stay in their dorm so he can do some weird ass meditation where his soul was supposed to leave his body, she was also messy because when i moved in, the floor on my side was dirty and the chick left a old unused pad on the floor).
I'd never do shit like that, but i'm also pretty quiet. I don't know what i'm supposed to say, and I overheard her talking to her friend about me. She just said i was nice but i don't really say anything to her, so idk maybe i should try talking to her outside of saying bless you when she sneezes and other polite stuff like that.
maybe we could try inviting our roommates to drink/smoke to break the ice? I'm extra nervous because i only have male friends (girls can sense my awkwardness better).
Thank you anon. That really helped me get through some days where I would send out resumes and then have the rest of my day to do whatever I wanted.
I'm happy to report that I accepted a job offer at a much better location and hours. :)
if possible, take a trip out of state
go to cali
lie about your residency
get the pill
hole up in a hotel room
and deal with it
never ever be friends with your roommate, especially if youre in a one-bedroom dorm
chances are high that eventually you're going to get on each others nerves and if youre essential strangers to one another
when that ire does rise up, she'll likely be way more polite about it
I usually watch my strange addiction before going because it makes me feel better about my own issues
“At least I don’t want to become furniture…”
It makes me think that my medical provider has seen worse and I try to look presentable as if I was going to a job interview
Good luck anon
I’m no longer in his care
And only my bf
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Are there any Mexican/Mexican American anons here? I'm dating a half Mexican guy, he's fluent in Spanish of course, and I wanted a cute nickname for him. What are some Spanish names you'd call your boyfriend? Other than papi, I guess. Lol
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Does anyone know how to get rid of a housemate?
>I can’t move out (imagine inflated prices the same house would be 700$ more in the current market)
>I can’t involve police/court
/he keeps being incredibly unhigenic and I can’t ask him to change or he will simply stop paying rent (he’s done it to me before)/
There is soo many other things that he has done but I feel so bad
He peed on the wall of the bathroom the shower.
Then blamed my cats (2) cats that can’t possibly go in heat and will not pee anywhere else but their designated boxes
I don’t know what to do anons
If I try to kick him out in court I will go to jail for renting the spare room.
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He has a key I can’t throw his incel ass in the street by removing his stuff of the house because it would be illegal for me to do so (trust me I’ve looked into it)
And I’ve fought with him before he refuses to pay and just makes my bills higher by leaving lights on and totally messing up my life right now he’s paying bills (only his part of them)
I’ve debated killing myself because of the situation I’m in.
If anyone knows anything I can do
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Omg I clicked too fast sorry
If someone knows anything I can do please please help
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I wrote this entire thing whilst angry so I may have to word myself better sorry anons.
>be me >have no one but your 3 housemates that you care about (a,b,c) > dating a (who has lung issues) > b has an annoying cat > c keeps to himself is mostly quiet and only issues is that he won’t talk about his feelings and that he will pee on the seat and outside of the toilet > c helped a trough a lot > b had lever lived with c > a has been friends with c for 11 years> c helped me out a lot and he’s actually a really nice person just can’t stand saying his feelings and will not deal with things normally due to being in the spectrum > last week a dismatled the toilet due to piss smell > wall toilet seat and everything covered in piss > a punched c because of sheer anger (only seen him like that once > b received a message by c saying that a was stupid to punch him because he had a knife next to him > a proceeds to bleach the bathroom and dismantle the toilet whilst inhaling a metric ton of bleach >police gets called about the knife > avo is placed on a due to new laws where if you punch anyone you live with you will get an avo on them by law > a is now going to court for it and may go to jail > c didn’t get arrested even though he had a knife and b suddenly discovered hiss entire room covered in sugar soap that he can’t clean off >c told the police that he didn’t want the avo
police legally have to ignore c because of new laws > I actually wouldn’t mind c at all if he was only was hygienic (literally sit or aim you fuck) and didn’t cover Bs room with sugar
I’m stuck in the middle of this
If he’s not a legal tenant why can’t you throw his shit out? He has no legal right to live there or keep his shit there. Put it in a storage unit and send him the bills if it’s a problem with damaging his shit.
Turn the electricity off at the breaker while he’s playing vidya, turn off the hot water every time he bathes, make it freezing cold of horribly hot. Make him fucking miserable.
Either that or you move and abandon him to his disgustingness or kill him.
How’d you end up with an illegal neckbeard renting with you anyway?
He’s friends with my boyfriend for 11 years
If I throw him up anyone in the lease would be in breach of contract and would end up in jail
You wouldn't exactly go to jail, but you do want to evict him properly in accordance with all laws.
Does your boyfriend agree this guy should leave?
Laws are fucked where I live
He could easily go to my real estate and get us in shit (it happened to a friend in a different real estate)
My boyfriend is angry at him at supports anything I decide as he takes the relationship seriously and he’s also disgusted about the piss thing.
We both love the guy because besides the he’s not a bad person at all ever… we just had enough
I’ve genuinely haven’t seen my boyfriend this angry since we started dating… I just wish he wasn’t a complete aspie about this particular thing.
If he stopped being a cunt and fucking owned to his mistake and just stopped it I wouldn’t even fucking bother ever arguing him but I don’t know if he’s capable I mean he’s 24?
The only good thing that came out of this is that I discovered that my boyfriend is actually a really mature guy when it comes to dealing with things and he cleaned the bathroom for an hour after the other guy left piss everywhere.
I can’t move because of my dog.
I can’t cram her in a small place when she has a massive backyard here otherwise I would have packed and left myself whilst continuing to date my boyfriend.
Maybe let the pee thing go.
It was probably the cats tbh. Neutered or not, its more likely that an animal would just have a tantrum over their litter box not being clean enough that day than a grown man just deciding to pee on the wall for no reason.
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I messaged this guy online cuz I thought he was cute and turns out he's quite the sub and wants me to be his mistress.
I've never been a mistress before and I'm not even sure if I can be a good one. Help?
We did a little something last night and I kinda liked it.
I still feel thrown off a bit because when I messaged him I just wanted to get to know the guy and now I have sub, but I'll see how things work out.
If I don't feel comfortable I'll just have to let him go. Thanks
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i'm on my friends discord server and every now and then he'll invite some girl that sent him nudes and then the girl acts like an attention whore.
this time a new girl showed up and was saying shit like "hi im here because friends name let me show him my tits" and was trying to act sexy in front of some nerds.
the server is dedicated to shitposting, nintendo games, and bad art. its just annoying when we're all having fun and then sometimes a girl will show up just to derail the conversation into her tits.
how do i tell my friend to stop adding attention whores? and how do you get one to shut up?
If you are a girl, DM her and say that what she is doing is pathetic and you are alerting her out of sisterhood.
If you are a guy, kill yourself or die in a fire.
I've got a job interview for a place I am set on getting. I've done research, feel I am a great candidate for the role, have the relevant experience and they loved my application, but I always freeze up in interviews and panic!
How can I remember what to say?
Those girls will show up anywhere there is an audience for them. The only solution is to move to a server where she would be shunned.
Or just deal with it. They leave as soon as they get their fill of attention anyway.
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Should I ask my boyfriend about a secret I recently found out which involves him?
I'm staying with one of his cousins for a week, she casually brought up that he had two sons; I knew about the eldest who killed himself already, however he never told me he had another son. According to The cousin my bf has never been close to the living son, never contacts him etc.
It sort of changes how I perceive him, because one of the things I hate is an absent father.
But, for some reason I also just want to wait until he inevitably brings it up, I'm a pacifist and avoid drama and complications at all costs. We've been together nearly two years.
Should I let his secrets stay in the dark?
IMO it would be best to tell her upfront regardless of how she takes it in the moment. It's better if it comes from a friend and from a good place than if some day she is talking to some stranger and they mention it to her.
Be gentle about it if she feels self conscious, like maybe offer her a mint or something and mention that you noticed her breath doesn't smell very fresh, that maybe she should change her toothpaste or use a different mouthwash, etc. Blame it on products instead of her so it doesn't feel as personal.
In the long run it'll be better if you tell her now and she gets upset for a few days, than living with it without noticing it and getting hit with it some day.
as a far too empathetic and pathetic person who wishes I was more like you:
I usually find myself asking a question or two about the situation, asking what they think they should do, offering advice on that, maybe giving advice on a similar situation you have been in if there was one and you genuinely think it could help, or if there isn't, saying you can't imagine how hard it is or blah blah and just being receptive really. You can still totally be like man that sucks but make a conversation out of it with questions and stuff and it's more supportive then I guess. But I am sure your friends appreciate you listening no matter what.
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My ADHD meds combined with anxiety/depression has during the last months made me lose my appetite, and now i'm 90~lbs. I'm 5,4ft. tall and 25 years old, so this is anything but normal. I'm genuinly scared, i look absolutely fucking terrible, literal skellington level of skinny. I get terrified when i look at my body, my chest is not supposed to look like a damn facehugger. (sorry if i'm sounding body shamey, but i don't think like this about others for some reason, only myself)
I feel so fucking weak. Like i can barely hold up my own body, as if it's going to collapse any moment.
I had a huge mental breakdown a few days ago, which served as a wake up call for my subconscious to stop panicking anytime i have to take even minimal responsibility, so i've started to force myself to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'm also gonna weigh my food so i can be sure i get my 2k cals a day, and only eat healthy calorie/nutrient rich stuff and be real good at taking care of myself.
I've been working out as well (light jogging to and from work), but i'm afraid it's not a good idea atm, and i'm not sure if i should continue or wait until i've gained a bit? Last time i started working out i gained quite a bit of weight, but it might not be the same this time.
I'm also wondering how long it usually takes to start noticing results? I've been eating more for a couple of days now, but i'm still as shaky and cold as before. I'm not expecting any physical changes for at least a couple of months, but i would like to just… you know, feel a bit healthier.
And if anyone wants to share their weight gain stories i'm all ears, it would be very comforting to read.
I’ve actually done this and it’s as hard or easy as you make it.
Be prepared to give up all your friends completely. Remember that social media algorithms will give you away - if you follow/friend one person from back home they will suggest you to people on their following list, or if you list your home city/old job/ etc. It’s safer not to have it at all. Be prepared to not talk about your past, at all if you can help it, but if you need to then keep details lightly vague (don’t make a huge deal out of it and give yourself away, just don’t give them your life story). Move to a state where you’d be unlikely to go, get a job you’d be unlikely to get, and keep your name as similar to your old one as possible - it will help you acclimatise and not give yourself away by accident. Good luck anon… and I’m sorry you’re having to do this.
I know this is a month old but Anonette, move to California. This January they approved a slew of confidentiality/privacy program, 'Safe at Home'.
> confidential name change (don't need to announce it in newspapers and cant be found in public records)
> confidential voter registration
> confidential mail forwarding
Look into the Safe At Home program
by family members, are you talking about your mom and dad? does he know your parents? do you have a bf/gf? what does he do to stalk you (ie is it just online or RL too)?
I dont think changing your name is going to do much. I mean you can have an alter ego online, its not illegal to use a different name on the internet. unless hes able to access your legal documents by name, a name change isnt much help unless you can move somewhere else (if hes stalking you IRL).
Congrats on getting out of the relationship. You’re doing great!
1. As you’re traveling with another friend, could you make a plan B together? Maybe you could fake being ill. Only use the “family emergency” excuse if the situation is dire as it’s not a good lie to tell
2. Disclaimer: I’m not a female Casanova. I usually let a guy know I’m interested by touching him and seeing how he responds. I would try touching their arm when you talk to them or playfully pushing them. I feel like once the touch barrier is broken, it’s easy
3. Try not to think about it. If you’re friend is into you, they are into you, regardless of any flaws you see yourself. Try to see yourself through their eyes (and on the off chance that they’re not into you, other people are and will be. Just remember that to some people you’re hot as fuck, even if you don’t see it yourself)
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Already posted this in the vent thread, but was ignored, so here i try again…
Growing up I was a rather shy kid and the older I got, the less friends I had. I wouldn’t say I was bullied, but there were some boys who treated me shitty. I went through three different groups of friends in high school, some left school, some no longer liked me, but even the ones I called my friends never treated me very nicely.
The biggest problem was that because throughout all my life people told me “You’re so tall and thin, you’re going to be a model!” I really started to want to be one, so I starved myself. I got very skinny, but couldn’t keep it up and at nearly 16 gained the weight back.
That made me feel even uglier and disgusting than before. I always wore the same pullover, would slouch to make myself appear shorter and slimmer and I was the only girl not participating at prom because I was sure that any boy touching my ‘fat’ waist would be instantly disgusted.
Towards the end of my high school time I got together with some nicer girls, I also stopped trying as many crazy weight loss methods like before and when I graduated I felt rather happy and hopeful about what the future holds.
During that time, I started becoming obsessed with the idea of being in a band therefore didn’t really think about what to study.
My parents then forced me to get into law, which caused me to feel so depressed that I thought about suicide. They then said that if I really hate it that much and can’t see myself in that field I’m allowed to quit after a year. Since I knew that I absolutely don’t want to keep doing that, I would have been able to use that free year to better myself, lose weight in a healthy way etc. But instead I sort of became obsessed with constantly cleaning up my room. I always told myself, that after cleaning everything up, I will start over and no longer feel sad. I also started sleeping less and less, neglecting my hygiene etc.
After that year passed I tried applying for architecture, but I wasn’t good enough, so at the end I went into teaching. At the beginning I was very motivated and tried my best to wear makeup, be friendly and try and chat up some people to make friends, but somehow It didn’t work. My tall height and resting bitch face makes me not very approachable and if I’m the one doing the approaching I never know how to keep a conversation going. All the other girls around me started forming groups until I was the only one left. This over two years ago. Because I’m always feeling lonely I eat to comfort myself and now I even fall in the overweight BMI category. My grades aren’t very good, since I nearly don’t study at all. A few weeks ago, my anxiety got so bad that I could no longer go outside at all and everything I do all day long is browse the internet. I eat min one bag of chips a day, I go to bed super late, I don’t wash my hair, wear the same stuff for weeks, barely brush my teeth and nearly no longer meet up with my old friends at all.
Two weeks ago, I finished my exams and told myself that now I’m really going to try my best to keep my room and myself clean and do some sports, but I simply can’t. I do have a paper to write and upcoming exams again, but zero motivation. I’m so scared of the future, I still live at home, so no matter how lonely I’m now, at least I’ve still got my family, but later…?
Sometimes feeling so sad, makes me be not very nice to my family or in general, but I usually try to keep up a happy façade in front of them since they wouldn’t understand how bad I really feel (they also didn’t really care when I didn’t eat and got so thin).
I really need to change my life, I can’t go on like this, but I simply don’t know how… I don’t even care that my grades aren’t good or that I’ll probably never get a boyfriend, all I want is to be a normal, semi-pretty girl, with friends to hang out with.
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um, got an embarassing one
I've had scabs on my scalp for 2 years, I always, ALWAYS pick at them and can't stop. I don't know how to. As soon as they're dry they're sharp and I want to pick. How do I overcome this? anyone else deal with this?
It’s gonna be a process of mindfulness and active distractions while you learn to overcome the compulsion. I have a similar issue with my nail beds and it sucks.
Wearing a hat could help you start because it’s an interruption to the pattern, giving you a chance to nope out when you touch it.
I think it is pretty hard to make/keep female friends. There isn't really a lure for them the same way a man might be lured. For me I really value my family.
I'd love to have female friends to hang out with but having stuff in common is difficult plus nobody wants to know you if you're an indoor-dweller who doesn't want to party. I think it's fine, but yeah.
You should keep up your self-care which you said you neglected as it WILL make you feel better.
It seems like you try things and then give up or change your mind. I used to do that alot, but you will find things you are passionate about and persist in, even if those things are hard. Then, those passions may lead to positive life choices and friends with similar interests (lol, I hope for me too)
I think the fact he's travelling 'n Tindering suggests he is hooking up with many many girls, probably sleeping his way across the globe. The suggestion of a holiday together went too close to actually respecting and caring about a wimmin so he unmatched you. The fact that he brought up the idea himself initially is irrelevant, you must never hold a man to his word.
(I'm sorry this happened though, shit is disappointing. I recommend reading dating screencap accounts on Instagram for better insight into the attitude they have when using said sites)
I do believe that he is sleeping with a lot of girls, and generally I'd be fine with that as I'm not looking for a relationship either.
I just think it's weird that he'd unmatch me even though he has already given me his number (hence making it possible for me to contact him again).
Also I don't get why he'd say things that implicate him wanting to see me again when he's not interested at all? Like when I'm not interested in a guy I'll try my best to appear as reserved as possible so he doesn't get his hopes up.
Also I absolutely hate the fact that now I'm stuck obsessing over this guy and his way of ghosting me or w/e even though I actually don't even have any feelings for him at all? I hate guys.
It's a bit of reverse psychology, they get off on the fact that you "want" them when you try and see wtf he's doing/want an explanation for the weird behavior.
He wasn't chatting to you very often, you definitely did everything right by playing it cool, so my advice is not to fall for the trap and just ignore him now. Don't text and ask what happened.
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I wanna travel and see new places but I don't have any friends who can afford it. Anyone who has traveled/travels alone here? Should I take those tours with guides that show you around? (Even though I wouldn't prefer to, but it's better than being completely alone I guess.)
I'm seriously considering doing that, just so that I can move on in peace in case he ignores me again.
Should I ask him (or call him out) about the whole tinder disappearance thing or should I just send him some nonchalant follow-up text? I don't want to seem too desperate..
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I'm in the UK, in a uni town, graduated
Every time I see all those girls who look up to Kylie Jenner and dress the same I can't help but envy them- yes they're "basic" but they're all in tight dresses, good figures, ridiculously pretty or good at dressing up
I always got bullied by these types as I'm described as cute and nerdy but I always feel like I can never compare to them, even if they do always have to be drunk and screaming and seem a bit empty headed. Is this normal? what do I do? even when I DO try to dress up I feel alien compared to them.
those girls all look pretty plain in the face and average in the body anon, especially homegirl on the left. i mean they're cute but they're no beautiful genetic lottery megawinners. they probably grew up as girly girls and were never perceived as nerdy or weird, so they feel comfortable dressing feminine and trendy, whereas you grew up feeling nerdy and different, so you feel awkward and stiff wearing that kind of look, and it makes you more self conscious of your flaws, whereas with them, the style kind of glosses over their flaws. it doesn't have a lot to do with your actual physical features themselves.
if i were you i'd look for styles that are classy, feminine, sexy etc, without being uber trendy or uber girly, since that sounds like it's just not how you feel.
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Coming here from the vent thead because an anon recommended it. I suffer(ed?) from pituitary dwarfism and took human growth hormone injection everyday for years when I was a kid because it was going to fuck up my health and I almost completely stopped growing at 8years old. I still look like a middle-schooler despite the fact that the treatment worked, and people tend to make remarks about my looks all the time. I also have a hard time being taken seriously because of it, especially during job interviews and similar situations. I don't know the injections worked that well after all, and I'm also kind of starting to wonder what I would look like if I never took these injections.
Is anyone here in the same situation? Does anyone know someone with the same disorder or even has the same disorder? I don't know anyone with it and it's frustrating because I wish I could talk about it to someone who can relate. And what could help to make me look my age (in my 20s), besides makeup clothes?
I feel this so hard! I was doing amazing counting my calories and avoiding binge eating but after the holidays I just went crazy and messed up all my progress.
In the past when I was doing well I liked to drink fruit punch made from those 0 cal powder packets, probably not super healthy but it fills up your stomach and has a good taste. Gum is good if you want something to chew on. I also like dried seaweed as a salty snack as its only like 30 cals a packet. Fruit and veggies are an option too, you can have a ton for a relatively few calories.
Beyond that I find it helps to try and distract yourself. If I get really busy with something or fall into a movie or book I'm less likely to binge.
I've also heard good things about The Binge Code by Alison Kerr but I've never read it myself, might be worth checking out!
Do you think you should change for people?
I'll give you an example of my frienship with two different people, let's call them Jack and Aly.
With Jack, he knows my flaws, I know his, we sometimes call each other out but it's mostly banter and joking around. If he does something, I'll get annoyed and complain, but I won't sat him up and be like "I don't like this. You need to change your behaviour, because I don't like it". I'm not his mother, as long as he doesn't do anything hurtful, whatever. I can advise him on stuff, but I won't demand. Jack's the same with me, I think, he just accepts me and my shit. It's really reassuring, having someone who won't judge you.
Then there's Aly. She's a bit different than me and Jack, she's better organized, more outgoing, put together in general. And she gets angry with me a lot. Back when I was more confrontational, our friendship was more rocky, because she would call me out, I would think she has no right to butt in and we would argue. Now I just don't care, for example she gets angry that I sometimes take hours to respond, and I'll be like yeah, that's me. I'm a lazy texter. And that cuts out the argument, because what else can we say.
But I wonder sometimes… My stance of "you either accept me as I am, or bye" can be perceived as unhealthy. Maybe it hinders my growth as a person. At the same time, I just don't care. I'm mostly comfortable with myself, I have friends who like me for who I am, why would I change for a one person who will always pick me apart either way?
I don't know. Maybe I get too angry when people try to change me. I'm very independent and the fact that someone demands I change for them and expects me to, really gets on my nerves. Maybe it's too irrational and stubborn of me, sometimes those people are not wrong.
What do you anons think?
I know its hard, but empathy is important. Put yourself in Aly's shoes. Why would she get angry that you take awhile to respond? Because she is looking forward to hearing from you, and probably puts thought into your feelings. (ie she will respond to you in a timely manner). It really depends on your expectations in a friendship. That friend expects to be treated as she treats you. So, if you guys are on different expectations, it may be that you just don't have the same values and cannot come to an agreement.
Its not that I'm saying you should change for people. I guess its better for people like you to stick with friends with similar values and expectations. There's not a whole lot that can be done if you feel so strongly about your independence.
Its easy to not gain weight even with medications as long as you control your calories. Hate this myth that antidepressants/anxiolytics/antipsychotics will make you fat 100% gonna happen.
Meds might make you feel hungrier but it’s impossible for them to cause weight gain when they don’t have hundreds and hundreds of calories.
>>75471>do you think you should change for other people
My best friendships have been ones where we push each other to be better. Not enable each other’s shitty behavior. I’d like to think in those cases I was changing because I wanted to though. I mean, I guess if I didn’t want to change, I wouldn’t have.
If you don’t intend to change on something, it’s better to just let your friend know. She’s expending unnecessary energy hoping you’ll be different. Maybe the change you could encourage in her is to get so involved in correcting other people’s behavior. If not, you need to accept she’s not willing to change just as much as you are not willing to change.
I used to work at a recruiting agency. We would brief our recruits with the following instruction in preparation.
-Read up on the company
-Come up with 5–10 questions in advance to ask the interviewer
-Find out the company dress code if you can and be just a little bit more formal than that (but not much)
-Show up no earlier than 10, no later than 5 min early
-Make it your goal to keep the interviewer engaged as long as possible. The longer you talk with them, the better they will remember you.
Do that, you should be good. Also it helps to frame your education and work history as a story where the position seems like the next obvious step for you.
One of our recruiters said I should try to think of an interview like a first date minus the flirting. I’m trying to get to know the person, company and position as equally as they are trying to get to know me. I’ve gotten called back on every interview since receiving that advice.
Good luck, anon!
Same anon here. I found a few notes from my previous interview on what I felt I could improve on. >trouble feeling comfortable speaking>worried about how i sound>blank out, don't know what to say>anxiety - cold hands, felt too self-aware at times>body language - shifting a lot>speaking with lots of um's>>75507
Thank you, anon! This is really helpful!
I'm no expert, but for me I went in with an attitude>these are the people I'll be working with, these are my new colleagues
And just treating them like we are already colleagues, like you're not nervous on a normal work day. Wearing similar clothes to what their dress code is is good too, basically you are embodying the idea of already working there and starting your first day.
+Researching the company from a staff perspective (I.e your opinion of them as a customer shouldn't be mentioned, it's about what you can offer them as a colleague and a point of contact for customers/clients)
How do you sleep? Too much/too little/broken sleep/trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep
How’s your appetite?
Does it feel hard to focus? Do you drift off into negative spirals or are you able to concentrate on a task or conversation?
What’s your motivation like?
Do you have trouble getting out of bed? Is it hard to do things like shower/brush your teeth/clean the house/do laundry or have those things fallen by the wayside?
Do you feel like you are valued/worthwhile/loved/needed/respected/accepted?
Do you have people in your life you feel comfortable discussing things like feeling suicidal or just down?
Do you feel things very intensely or do you feel kind of detached?
Does anything bring you joy or pleasure? Do you still get enjoyment from hobbies?
What does the anxiety do physically? Sweats, shakes, rapid heart beat..
All the answers are good places to start with a therapist or even just putting words to it for yourself.
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Practice proper sun protection from here on out.
Find a job at burger king?
Open the email, admit you plagiarised, cop the consequences.
How severe is plagiarism in university? Oh shit anon how do you not know?
Substantial plagiarism (a few paragraphs) is grounds for course failure and you plagiarised an entire assignment.
In my last year of BSc studies and I struggle to finish a difficult class I previously failed a couple of times because I couldn't find proper help at the time. Now I have to somehow pass this class earlier in order to be allowed to present my final thesis/project yet I still struggle finding motivation because I was literally told by a particular prof numerous times that I am stupid and should just drop the studies (making all the money I owe after taking a loan out worthless) and that mentally fucked me up to the point where I (somewhat) loathe my degree and doubt I'll ever work with it. At this point I just want to graduate so that I could get a part time job and apply for a Master's that's easier (not a STEM field) for me. (Where I live I have possibilities of getting an MBA with a BSC in STEM.) My grades are about average to above average so I can't say I'm completely fucking stupid and should just kms but this class I'm struggling to pass kills me almost literally - been having moderate to severe panic attacks.
How do I just pull my shit together and convince myself I can finish this? (Quitting is not an option tbh because I can't afford to find a job to pay off the money so I'd rather just make actual use of the money)
TL;DR Have huge anxiety and panic attacks over a class I am forced to pass in order to graduate. Need some advice how to pull my shit together.
It doesn’t matter what the grade is worth it’s that now no professor can trust you to actually do your own work. Read your colleges policy on plagiarism. It will be on the website for sure.
How did you not know that you can’t plagiarise anon?
thank you so much anon for sharing. so happy for you and your accomplishments! I'm in uni now and I think i definitely need to focus more
as for the person im interested in…i feel like time is fleeting and people dont wait around anymore tho? idk
>I feel like time is fleeting and people don’t wait around anymore tho?
I do think that at least part of this mode of thinking is caused by… serial monogamy? I guess. I’m going through the same thing at the moment and although it’s easy to think “I really like him, that’s all there is to it”, it is deeper than that. Try to think critically about your feelings - you’re worried that he won’t wait around, what does that say about you and your expectations? Why are you so concerned about losing someone you fancy, when there will be plenty of others you’ll feel the same way about? And why do you want to pursue a relationship with someone who you think won’t wait around?
You also need to be careful re: rebounding. You said that your relationship ended recently. Even if you absolutely certain you’re not rebounding, you do need time to process your feelings before getting involved with someone else. When my first serious relationship ended I pursued another guy and I swear to god I was practically in love with him for months before realising that it was a rebound. The feelings felt so real, but they weren’t, and it was hard to accept that. A bit of time alone and learning to become comfortable with being single will make this less likely to happen.
You’re free to do whatever you want and while I’d suggest a bit of time being single before even casually dating, even if you pursue this guy, please be aware of the process you’re going through. If you want to understand it more, google is your friend. Sorry for the essay
ahh thanks for this. This is honestly what my friends have been telling me over and over, right down to me being called a serial monogamist.
I'm going to take it slow and have sometime to breathe for myself first.
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Here is a really stupid one but please hear me out guys
>constantly get de ja vu.
>constantly get dreams that become true.
>live normally not actually caring to be too attached to anyone because being an orphan is eye opening.
>suddenly perfect person comes into my life
>he washes the dishes cleans the house with me evenly and works really hard
>I’m happier that I’ve ever been to the point that I finally decide to get attached and things look better
>go trough a lot with bf spend happy and bad times with him
>suddenly have a dream of me being 30 and unhappy with children because my husband died.
Anon I used to be a NEET with super bad posture
Deadlifts helped my posture and back a lot.
from my own experience uni isn't always the place to make friends easily… when you missed making one or two friends in the beginning it can be hard to get in touch with people cause they've already built cliques.
So my advice would be the same, to actively look for group activities you are interested in like a sports group, an arts class, cooking class or whatever your uni or town offers. it's easier to get to know people there cause most of them go there to make friends and have fun. I'm sure it won't be like this forever, I've been there too, especially in my teen years, I'm very shy and introverted and have severe trust issues and am very picky but I made a few friends over the years.
You happen to be German?
From my experience sports clubs and hobby clubs aren't always the best ways to make friends
Maybe you should try talking to some people in your class and ask if they wanna get lunch/dinner at the mensa, that always works for me
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I know 2 women who regularly smell like they just shit their pants a little. Both are slim and attractive (pic unrelated), or would be if not for the smell. What's the appropriate action here? I mean I ignore it and avoid them but that doesn't seem very compassionate.
My guess is they have a shit diet that makes them let out noxious farts all the time and don't wash their clothes often enough. Some types of cheap denim really soaks up smell.
Source: my brother would occasionally reek of farts when he woar dirty jeans
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this is my body "shape", if you could call it that because im really boxy. its awful. please tell me how i need to dress to look good or how much more weight i need to lose. i feel sloppy and ugly and i haven't had any motivation to dress up anymore because i feel like nothing looks good on me.
I have similar proportions to you (weight and measurements) but I'm 5 inches taller. It's not a bad shape at all, since you have a small torso and larger legs and thighs, dresses and mini-skirts+shorts look good with a well-fitted top. No loose or baggy jumpers or anything like that.
Pants/trousers should be well-fitted and black or dark denim. I don't know if you have thick or thin arms but I like quarter sleeve or longsleeves to hide the arms in photos as my arms are thicker, but day to day I don't care. I also like halternecks and lace/mesh tops to bring attention upwards.
You probably don't need to lose too much weight, maybe half a stone (7lb)
Since you're already small, weight loss is going to show more obviously on you so you don't need to lose much. You should take it as slow as possible to keep the results and make sure your body is happy, aim to lose half a stone in 6 months+, ignore any "fast" diet plans or anything of that nature as your body will not think it is a natural change and try and "fix" it for you. Just a small calorie deficit of 100 a day would make a huge difference over 6 months.
Your shape is totally normal and healthy but as it's similar to mine I thought I'd say something!
this is so weird for me to hear because I would never describe my torso as small at all. that feels like the largest part of me and i hate it, my stomach/gut is where i keep most of my weight, and i wear baggy jumpers and sweaters to hide it most of the time. i feel as if wearing tight tops with a skirt draws attention to my lack of waist. but i am bloated and starting my period today so that might be why i feel so extra body negative and full of self hate. maybe i need to come back to the measurements when my period is over.
7 to 10 pounds is ideally what i would love to do and itll be possible, just need to scale back on snacking.
i just get really caught up looking at girls on instagram with stick legs and perfect super tiny defined waists and i get mad because my waist has no definition, i feel super boxy. so thank you for replying and thank you for your advice.
Right as a freshman i overheard two girls talking about how nice it is to have found each other, since the friends you make in the beginning, are the ones for life… of course made me cry, since i was alone. And becausee of that, i also fear that it might be too late now.
I actually already joined the japanese club, but it's full of nerds. There's maybe one girl who's a bit nicer, but i don't even know her name and she's got her own friends already, so…
I always sat next to girls i thought to look friendly and tried to chat with them, but was never sucessful, so evemtually i just gave up
I have a question regarding money.
I'm 26, I've just recently (1 month ago) move out of my parents house to live by myself (with 2 roommates tho). It's not really that common in my country to leave the house when you go to collage, you normally keep living with your family unless you are going to a different state (something way more common in the USA and other countries, not so much here). So because of that, it took me a while to leave the house.
The other reason for that was basically money.
So I have been working since 2012 - not always in the same place - and I have been in my current job for almost 2 years now. I have a degree in Advertising. My point is, right now, with 26, I'm making U$2.7k a month (my currency isn't U$, I just converted it so it would be easier to understand). I can't see myself saving enough money to buy an apartment or any other investiment. Am I doing something wrong? How much someone our age should be making? I have my degree for 1 year and a half now and I've never worked outside my area (which is a good thing, I believe). Maybe it's just a Millenial thing, to worry about not achieving the same things past generations have, but I cannot help it. I feel like I'm almost 30 with basically nothing besides a bank account.
Don't know exactly what to ask, I'm just really worried about this for the past weeks.
My body is really sensitive and I've found drinking smoothies and carbonated/bottled water helps me to feel less sick. Also I don't drink milk or eat meat but I eat cheese. I kinda treat my body like it's a fussy toddler and over time it helps with not feeling like shit.
Get some nice food and drinks and have a day where you try and have fun, play games or watch comedy movies or talk to your friends.
If you feel crappy you have to dedicate a lot of time to pampering yourself and pretty much babying yourself and it will fix over time. I hope you're feeling better today Anon
Trying some carbonated water right now as I get ready to call a friend for a light-hearted chat. At the very least knowing these things help someone else is keeping me grounded right now, as silly as that sounds.
Thanks for caring anon. Really, I appreciate it so fucking much right now.
Have you said the things you wrote here to your friend directly? If not, you need to try that regardless of how your other serious conversations with him went. If you tell him all this crap straight up and he still wants to act this way, then either end the friendship or go no contact for a while then see where he stands after that. I can understand him being the protective friend but you sound like you're not being hurt or getting yourself into a bad situation (at least I hope that's the case), so he clearly needs to back off.
Just a thought but I wonder if he's jealous? Like maybe he thought he had a chance with you after you first broke up with your bf?
It is obvious
He wants to fuck you, your bf is in the way
I've not told anyone in my life this before, I don't really know how to go about it.
I have a feeling that I was abused as a child but I can't properly remember it. I think if it did happen, I blacked it out.
A couple of years ago I was at a family gathering and my aunts/mom/cousin were talking about my crazy aunt who's been estranged from the family for years, and I never knew why. They said that it was because she had accused a family member of abusing her daughters, and social services got involved etc., but obviously, it turned out to be totally false.
I was completely shocked. I adore that family member, he's my whole world, so to find that out really shook me, and I went to my friend's house and cried but couldn't say why. I couldn't understand why the bitch would make something so horrible up.
And then recently, a few months ago, I started thinking about it again. I watched a film where a female character is in an abusive relationship and I took so much pity on her and knew that it was wrong, but I couldn't help thinking I wanted a relationship like that. So I did some googling and read that people who experienced trauma in their childhood often seek out unhealthy or abusive relationships because it's what they learned, or because they have a deep-rooted feeling that it's all that they deserve. And I thought huh I've never been abused, maybe it's just a kink, but then I thought about the conversation with my aunts.
And I've become really confused. The way he treated me wasn't abuse. I'm not sure if I'm just overthinking and overanalysing what was just friendly contact and conversation. I think he was just looking out for me and being loving. But what I read online said that it could constitute as abuse. But that seems so farfetched. But then, if my dad treated any child of mine that way, I wouldn't like it. I'm not sure what to do really.
fuck him, absolutely no reason to get involved with someone who is shady from the get go, let alone married…
did he himself tell you he's married? If he just joined the app out of curiosity why is he kissing you? cause he's curious what cheating feels like ?
you can find another attractive dude who isn't shady OR married, anon
I talked to a guy on a dating site years ago, 100s of long messages and charming, but he lied about everything
. His age, whether his family were in the country, where he grew up. Wouldn't give me any of his social media/claimed to have none.
He emailed me on email address x every so often. I get an email from a different address saying he "lost" my address but now he can contact me and he's coming to my city. I do some research and the addresses are aliases, both email addresses are aliases for whatever his real one was. This is going somewhere.If someone doesn't trust YOU enough to tell you the truth, why should you trust them?
The only reason why you should consider not dropping him is if you were desperate and afraid he is your only chance at getting laid. Which you are not and even then wasting your time on a pos would be a bad decision.
I know it hurts how much time you've invested, but you can do so much better. Even if you want casual sex, you can find someone trustworthy and fun.
This relationship has a huge trainwreck potential. Not worth it (also continuing to see him is letting him get away with scummy behavior).
Don't feel bad anon. Most people have intrusive thoughts sometimes. I don't have many but if something creeps in I sweep it away.
For me I avoid reading people talking about death or seeing things that could harm me (e.g. knives scare me and make me think I will accidentally hurt myself) I dunno if it is worst case scenario stuff cropping up. It helps to talk about it with people you trust. But yeah you have nothing to worry about, just don't do the intrusive thoughts because they are just flickers and are meaningless. It's like a biological thing
Thank you both. I've been feeling better today.
Sorry, what I meant was that he couldn't bring up the will to do anything, which includes homework, meeting with friends, and stuff like that, not that he compared me to homework.
He also just texted me this morning asking if we could talk at "some point", whatever that means.
Hugs to both of you!
A few years ago I moved away from my hometown to escape an alcoholic and psychologically abusive father. My mother has since thrown him out of the house and he decided to get professional help. Because of this, I have agreed to meet him once every visit back home.
He still has a drinking problem that he does a poor job at hiding. He tells me he never drinks, but my mother informs me he has a tendency to call her while drunk. The calls are usually about me and how he believes she is purposely keeping me away from him, even though mom was the one to convince me to keep in touch with him in the first place. I also witnessed this once while visiting home. He called, mom told me to be quiet and put him on speakerphone, where I got to listen as he rambled on about me being more his than hers, talking as if he owned me and that I have said I prefer him over her. All this because mom offered to drive me to him rather than him picking me up, because he doesn't have a driver's license (which he also didn't tell me). Where I live, if you get caught being a passenger with someone without a driver's license, you risk loosing your own as well.
This time I tried to keep it a secret that I was coming home, but he found out and got mad. I eventually agreed to meet him just to make him shut up. He wanted me to visit his apartment, but I always insist we go to a coffeeshop or a restaurant since I'm uncomfortable being alone with him.
While in the restaurant today, he told me he had a surprise for me at home. He said he couldn't bring it to the restaurant, but didn't want to tell me why. I told him I had plans with a friend later and didn't have time to visit him. He insisted then that I come by another day. Not even asking, but flat out demanding that I do it, since 'you're not going to be that busy, you have time!'
When I asked if he couldn't just bring the surprise to my mom's house or at least meet me somewhere outside if he didn't want to see her, he said that wasn't possible either. The whole thing has left me really uneasy. On one hand it might just be he wants to manipulate me into spending more time with him, but something feels off. My father has never hurt me physically aside from pushing me to the floor once, but the possessive way he talks about me to my mom, and the fact that I know he's been suicidal and has some mental issues, I can't tell if I'm being paranoid or not.
I honestly just want to cut him out of my life for good, but he lives in the same town as my mom, and I'm afraid he's going to take it out on her and make her life even more difficult.
It's a subconscious flicker. The same way we have dreams we wouldn't choose. Our subconscious minds explore possibilities at the conscious expense sometimes
But like dreams you can improve them by being calm, happy, well rested, well fed and dealing with any real-life issues in logical ways
All I can say is continue to follow your instincts and don't meet him at his house.
It could be completely fine but it's a really strange thing to try and pressure you about. He should respect and be glad you are still friendly with him.
>aside from pushing me to the floor once,
This is not ok even once and shows he can't be trusted.
agreed with >>75993
It's just something that happens and honestly I don't know the true science behind it.
I get them in all forms, for me my anxiety is a big trigger
- so like anon said, you can relieve them the same way you would if you were suffering bad dreams.
the wierdest ones I get are about opening my car door in the middle of driving so i OCD lock my doors the whole time and fiddle with something else if I have something available to keep my hands busy if I can't keep the thought at bay.
Maybe put the bear elsewhere while you get that thought if it's bugging you just to keep yourself at distance physically and calm your mind.
ultimately you're the one in control of your thoughts and actions. theres no need to worry, you're not alone, and you're not helpless!
Yeah. If he really doesn't let it go you could have someone wait outside for you or bring them along with you. But like >>75994
said, trust your instincts and don't go alone with him. It's a weird excuse and sounds suspicious as hell.
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How do I stop becoming pathetically attached to any guy who gives me the slightest bit of attention or affection?
There's this girl I know from primary school and we were really close until high school.
She got with a guy (and she's the type to forget about her friends when she's with someone) and he insulted me for my race. It got fixed, but from this point I started to drift away from her, and I haven't told her about lots of things that happened in my life and she got upset at me for that when really I was scared she was going to judge my boyfriends and that it was hard for me to talk about my problems.
We got over it, but since then it's kind of broke.
In uni she went to her then boyfriend's town, then broke up and came back. She began to party a lot, which is fine but not something I enjoy to do. She would get mad at me for not joining most of the times even though she invited me. I used excuses at the time because she didn't understand that I didn't like that, she got mad for not being there at a party because I planned a trip with my boyfriend at the time, I got mad at her because we drifted away, yada yada.
From then we had a discussion about it but I feel like deep down it hasn't solved anything.
We see each other like every 4-6 months and I push myself to go to her nights out even though I feel uncomfortable because she has other friends that don't talk to me -even though I tried- or I invite her to have a chat at my house because it's something I can enjoy.
We haven't talked since November before my birthday, where she told me I should make a party. To not upset her (yes I have been stupid) I told her I'll look into it but never did. She told me happy birthday but I wonder if she thought less of me because of that ?
Now she's inviting me to her birthday party, after months of no contact, and I wonder why, honestly. I'll go with my boyfriend because it's not my thing and I don't want to be alone but I know they'll drink (which is fine, but I won't) and I'll might be bored.
I still want to do it because I think she still likes me enough to invite me, but I'm afraid she'll be passive aggressive with the fact that I don't hangout like she has done a few times.
I don't even know what to give her for her birthday…I planned to see her to talk before the party and make it a bit less awkward but I really don't know how I feel about this…
I know I'm being way over dramatic for such a thing but it's stressing me out, I hate parties so much but I like her. Please help ?
Why do you even continue being friends with her? It is absolutely normal to drift away from friends that you made at such a young age.
You didn't mention anything other than the length of the friendship that is positive about it. Friends are not supposed to make you feel bad, uncomfortable or pressure you into doing things you don't enjoy. You have no obligations to go out and party or throw a party just because she would like it.
If you don't even want to go to her party and don't know what to get her, don't go. Don't stress over it, it doesn't sound like the friendship is worth it and you don't have to waste an evening feeling uncomfortable.
If you want to continue being friends with her, maybe suggest something like taking her for brunch/dinner for her birthday. Also, be open and honest with her that you don't like parties and that if you choose not to come to hers or any others, it's nothing personal. If she's your friend, she should understand that. Just suggest other activities that you might enjoy together.
I've never had this issue myself but I know plenty of people who have. Don't feel too bad. You're not the first and you won't be the last.
You need to just tell him ASAP. Don't beat around the bush. Ask if you can call him and then just straight up tell him you've been tested and you've found out you had chlamydia. He needs to get tested too and the longer you wait the worse it will be. If you want to make it less scary, speak in a relaxed tone and tell him how simple the treatment is. Chlamydia is less of a big deal for men since there are less risks involved for them. Once he's treated, it's gone forever.
If he stops talking to you over this, tell him to get the fuck over himself. He did the same as you and made a dumb mistake having unportected sex with someone with an STD. If it's an issue, it's an issue everybody involved in this situation caused.
BTW, not to sound like your mom, but if dudes are rawing you, you really need to make sure they get tested regularly. And you need to get tested more regularly too. Ideally, people need to get tested after every partner and/or every year, especially since some things won't show up in tests until months later and you might miss it on one test.
It's not the most mature way to tell someone, but https://www.stdcheck.com/anonymous-notification.php
is an option.
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i noticed every time i take a photo of myself smiling that one eye crinkles up but the other doesn't and it looks awful. just, why? is this normal? is there a reason for this that anons could possibly pinpoint and help me fix? i just want to look nice. general photo taking advice also welcome.
This is a little played out, but I don't have any friends. I have my husband, who, to be fair ~is my best friend~ cos I'm a total fag. I see him everyday, so I'm going to say it doesn't count for this particular problem.
Which, if I'm totally honest, is that I don't know how to socialize with most people my own age. My upbringing kept me extremely isolated until I was 17, and you can imagine that by that time, I was very sheltered and basically socially autistic.
I've come to realize that because of my childhood, my coping mechanism for anything too emotionally strenuous is ghosting. But I've ghosted pretty much anyone I considered a friend, at this point. Sometimes for legitimate reasons, but mostly out of fear of rejection or shame, which is mostly self-induced.
Every time I meet someone who I think could be a friend, two things happen. I either get way too excited at the prospect of having someone to talk to, that I invest too much time and interest into this practical stranger only to find they're not into me, or just not who I convinced myself they were. Or, I completely shut down and ghost them before I even get to know them, rather watch and idolize them from afar.
I know how I sound, but I'm so fucking lonely it hurts and my husband shouldn't have to take that on just because I'm a social autist.
Does anyone know how to get over this? The answer's obvious but I can't open up like this in person, unless I've known said person 10+ years. Should also be noted, I open up fine when I'm drunk, and have made most if not all of my friends that way previously. However, I'm a little under 2 years sober now, so I can't use that as a crutch.
I think it has a lot to do with my own self-worth, which is pretty low. I'm constantly worried about being attacked by friends or strangers for the way I look, talk, think, ect. Which I know is wildly unrealistic because I'm just another basic ass bitch. I guess moral of the story is socialize your kids, because I'm a mess.
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I probably shouldn't be feeling this way but I honestly can't help it.
I've come out of a breakup with a long term who was set on settling down with me, that would have worked out if he had not been so abusive and a manchild, so I'm out of there now.
However, I find myself very lost. Where I am, a lot of the girls my age have partners who they are engaged to or marrying- I'm 24 which is still quite young but nethertheless I'm still on edge about this.
I'm really worn out, don't get me wrong, it's not hard for me to get dates, it's just a lot of men who approach me turn out to be players or end up being unhealthy and I'm so sick of ending up in relationships that are years but with men who end up just taking me for granted or they get emotionally abusive. This was my second.
I don't think I'm going to ever meet a guy who's serious and then my family put pressure on me because they expect me to settle and marry. I'd love a happy marriage someday, a happy relationship, I just seem to have had the worst luck of finding one.
You will be fine. I came out of an 8 year relationship at the age of 24 and honestly thought the same as you. I thought no one would want me, that I was 'past it' and that I would struggle to ever find anyone or progress with life.
I'm now 3 years in with a wonderful boyfriend and we are planning on buying our first house at the end of the year. Don't panic or try and rush things just to hit these milestones. You will get there in your own time. Don't worry, anon!
That's so sweet, I'm so happy for you anon, I hope your new house is super cosy!
How did you guys meet?
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Girl, are you me? Came out of a four year relationship with someone I was set on marrying. He went to city hall with me to get the papers and everything.
Sometimes I feel this way too, but– you'll be fine. It's been eight months, six since I've last had contact. The first month I spent pretty much drunk everyday, but it got better after drunkingly ranting with female roommates/friends about how men suck.
I donated/threw out everything he gave me, and I implore you to do the same. Pictures especially, do a facebook purge.
We are so lucky to be in an era with Tinder and such, but I'm not in any hurry to find anyone. Don't need to bring in baggage this early.
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girl I probably am, life takes so many turns, I'd already just lost someone to cancer but losing someone who always said they'd be here through everything and losing them even though I did everything I could to make it work even when they got abusive completely destroyed my optimism about love
I've taken everything off the walls and put it away so my room is clean of it, you and that other anon are really kind to give me advice and I appreciate it
He's helping me get over it by being, well, an asshole. We didn't break up nicely, he trashed my place and called me names and made me cry because I tried standing up to him not being here and I stood up to his abusive behaviour going on for a long time and I guess I was sick of sugar coating it to everyone, it really hurt.
It's not the first time I ended up with someone abusive so I feel really mad at myself for it too. I wish I could just attract someone genuinely kind and sweet…and loyal
girl I probably am, life takes so many turns, I'd already just lost someone to cancer but losing someone who always said they'd be here through everything and losing them even though I did everything I could to make it work even when they got abusive completely destroyed my optimism about love
I've taken everything off the walls and put it away so my room is clean of it, you and that other anon are really kind to give me advice and I appreciate it
He's helping me get over it by being, well, an asshole. We didn't break up nicely, he trashed my place and called me names and made me cry because I tried standing up to him not being here and I stood up to his abusive behaviour going on for a long time and I guess I was sick of sugar coating it to everyone, it really hurt.
It's not the first time I ended up with someone abusive so I feel really mad at myself for it too. I wish I could just attract someone genuinely kind and sweet…and loyal
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Sometimes hating someone is a good way to get over them. Being single is blessing in disguise! Maybe they have an explanation for that thing that hurt you. Oor maybe they are just assholes.
Used to think it was okay that I took an hour-long bus trip to see him. And when he started to pick me up everyday after work and complained about the five-minute ride to the point that I'd just bus instead, I thought it was okay since he wasn't used to it.
Or maybe instead of making up excuses for him, he was just an asshole.
My advice: they are plenty of men in the world. Trust me, I've met plenty good ones since the breakup. Vet them for a few months, make a list of qualities that you want your ideal man to have, make the first move, but don't settle or go too fast. I've waited a few months to ask this guy out but whoops– turns out he's a heroin addict. Good thing I waited!
Browse lolcow/reddit/tumblr, watch YouTube vids, play some vidya (stardew valley and ff usually), makeup
I do have a compsci degree but that just makes me feel worse bc it creates the illusion that I'm smart which I'm not. I don't even know how I graduated…
I have a hard time socializing, no real friends, my only memorable skill is slightly above average drawing.
God I'm pathetic
I'm in the same boat anon. I actually despise when people at work ask me what I'm doing later or what did I do on my day off and I clam up. I usually say something vague like I just chilled at home and watched tv but in reality I'm always on the computer so it's like wtf do I say?
Afterwards, I think about what I really do at home and reality hits me that I'm a weird, friendless, boring piece of shit who browses the internet and plays otome or medieval rpgs. My life is bleak af.
As an adult, I feel like my only friends are work friends or former work friends. Also my roommates (my #1 reason to have roommates is to force my introvert ass to make friends). Hanging out is basically a last-minute "hey you want to do this thing?"
Pro tip: If you plan a week or a few days ahead, there's like a 90% chance that they'll skip out.
Also, I do like all those lame things too, but it's kay. There's a lot of things you can talk about other than that.
We met on OKCupid of all places. We actually arranged to date and then I had a crisis of confidence and I essentially ghosted him (something I feel absolutely awful about but he doesn't care coz we're together now!). I thought no way in hell would he actually want to be with me so I went offline and sorted myself out. I then made a profile again and he said I just appeared on the front page for him so he made a joke in a message like 'Ah! There you are! Bit late for our date aren't you?'
He's great. And thank you lovely anon. As I said before, keep your chin up! You got this.
thank you, you're right on that, like I can think of the good things he did but 80% of how he was and how he treated me was really shitty- as soon as he didn't get his way he'd threaten to break up or go home and he'd call me names, throw things at me, he patronised me for grieving over my own dad, because stupid shit like how many kisses were on a text was more important than a parent dying.
I'm grateful I can vent about it here as I don't really anywhere else and it gets to me sometimes.
I hope you get luckier too friend! no heroin addicts today, nosiree!>>77123
that's really sweet, sounds like you got a keeper and he treasures you! Someday I hope I'll find the right guy too!
my new SO is the normie wannabe-gangster partying type, and i'm a shy shut-in with crippling depression. he knew that i had serious problems from the get-go, but he still insisted on making it work. when we click, we click really well.
but yesterday while we were at his place i had a panic attack (he's seen me have them before so it wasn't a new thing) and he just… completely lost his shit? he tackled me, pinned me to the bed, told me how it was disrespectful of me to behave like this at HIS house, and wouldn't let me go until i begged him because he was crushing me. then he made me call my parents while he listened and tell them what happened, even though a) i'm a grownass woman and b) they already know i'm a mentally ill mess and it's totally normal. it was like he wanted to shame me in front of them or something.
after the fact, he said that he "can't deal with my crazy shit anymore" and complained that i'm "holding him hostage" because i like to stay in a lot when we're hanging out. he said that i'm keeping him from his friends and ruining his other relationships when the fact of the matter is he asks me to hang out every single day and i drop whatever i'm doing to go see him.
i know i have my issues and that having a girlfriend with depression and a panic disorder is probably difficult, but… wtf, farmers? i tried to point out that every time he has other plans i never interfere and let him go about his business with his friends and it just made him even angrier. what do? i'm thinking of trying to have a sit-down where i explain very explicitly what depression and panic disorders are because based off of everything that's been going on he has 0 clue. or is it even worth it to do that? holding me down was a serious red flag…
what a psycho thats so fucked up, anon you should leave him who knows what he could do to you next time.
im sorry about your mental illnesses but youre worth more than staying with someone with violent thoughts trying to manipulate you and make it your fault that hes not going out. love yourself anon
Honestly there's tons of "cows" who never make it to forums like these. The things that tend to cement cow-status>Posting multiple things daily (photos, videos)>Emotional reactions to things>Erratic/hypocritical behavior>Being rude to fans
HOWEVER artists tend to get away with a lot more as there's this innate leeway given because artists are "emotional". I'd say there's zero chance drama will follow you. Get a new username, new style (hair, makeup) and start working on your art.
Btw I've been worried about the same thing -
The sure-fire way to avoid drama is not to get into the habit of replying to fans/commenters. Try and keep it to a "Thank you so much!"
Otherwise you might get embroiled in an argument, even if you're good at arguing/tend to win it isn't a great look next to your art.
Also NEVER mention politics. Presidents, g*n controls, feminism, steer away from any strong opinions that might attract trolls. Again you may still win those arguments but it is emotional toil getting involved.
Train yourself up to not comment or talk online much, screencap everything you post and basically think before you act. You can still talk to your IRL friends obviously or Anon like here but image control is a big part of not being a cow IMO. However as I said artists tend to get away with a lot.
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So, can anyone help me with this? I have nobody else to ask irl or online because my friends just think it's funny I have a crush but otherwise don't really help me swith this and I always notice other girls on here saying they have trouble making friends in general because they're socially awkward or have social anxiety but still manage to have boyfriends. What are you guys' secrets?
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I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and I still get insecure over his ex.
It's been almost two years since they were together, he can't stand the thought of her and they have absolutely no contact - he barely has any social media at all. He's made it clear he has no residual feelings, and our relationship is really happy and loving and all around great.
But somehow I still feel like I'm a silver medal. I'm nonstop comparing myself to her, and it's getting slightly… Obsessive. I think if he knew how much I check her pages he'd be concerned.
She's a fairly pretty cosplayer, and has a small (25k) following. She's two years younger than me, has a nice body, has lots of friends and does lots of sexy cosplays and doesn't look like Momokun in them.
And I just think of them being together, how nice she must have looked next to him and naked and how ugly and awful I look in comparison and just… the worst stuff, and it hurts really deep in my chest.
But I can't help it, I keep looking and I have no one to talk to about it. He's assured me he thinks the world of me, has even told me gross stuff about her and how nasty of a person she was, anything he can do. And I'll go a couple days without looking at her Facebook or Instagram, but since we run in slightly similar circles I'll see her again and get reminded how perfect everyone thinks she is, and how I'll never come close.
How do you get over this stuff? I'm so sick of it, it's made me cry so many times and I know I need to stop but I have no idea how to.
I know, I'm so confused. I can understand if so many neets and shut-ins had a bf before becoming neets or shut-ins and getting more and more awkward or worse with time. But I guess that's not the case for most people here. It actually makes me feel like an unattractive loser, which is dumb but whatever.>You can't tell me that going for a coffee with a fellow girl is more anxiety inducing than having sex with a dude.
Yeah I really don't get it. It will never make sense to me, I just can't imagine how having sex with a man is less scary and stressful than causally hanging out with other people.
Honestly anon, I used to do this allllll the fucking time.
Compare myself to my bf's exes all the time. Even if he dated her 5 years ago. Or 10 years.
Even if she was uglier, I'd still find reasons 'she's got bigger tits, shorter than me' ect…
It's a self esteem thing. You hate yourself and that's why you can't accept that he's with you and she's somehow better in your mind. Your bf is with you because he sees things in you that she didn't have. What you are feeling is totally normal,but try and work past it.
Try and better yourself with self care like exercise or new hobbies and block her cosplay profiles on fb and insta, it'll only make you feel worse. Unfortunately I hate-follow someone I kind of am jealous of and got better after blocking their accounts and exercising more and finding more positive role models on insta that also didn't make me feel insecure. It's a long process but believe me when I say it's your self esteem that needs working on.
And whatever you do,try not to talk about the ex with your bf, it gets repetitive and drives them away.
I'm trying to interact with him as much as I can but I'm scared I'll annoy him or something so I become really awkward with him. He's nice though so I think it's just my old habit of becoming really awkward with others that's coming back. I have no idea if he's nice to me and sometimes asks things about myself because he's a friendly guy or just out of politeness. He isn't very talkative usually so I can't be sure. I used to work in the same department as him but it has been months since he was sent to another department, and because of my schedule (I'm only working part-time because I'm also a college student) I can only see him one day of the week if I'm lucky. (Actually that's the case for other coworkers I like a lot but that's another story)
Anyway from all the small talk we had, I know some things about him like his hobbies and the places he might hang out the most but just thinking about that makes me feel like a stalker. I'm worried I could bring these things up and he'll think I'm a creepy weirdo because I have a good memory (this happened to me a lot for some reason.) Sorry I'm not very coherent right now.
>try online dating
I can't do that for a bunch of reasons that are out of my control. Basically my family doesn't want me to date so I have to hide the fact that I want a bf (especially if it's a white man).
double posting to update:
I'd taken rapid release migraine pills and they've finally kicked in. still sitting up and standing every once in a while because it still feels better when standing than sitting. able to recline slightly. the pain has dulled although I'm still aware of it. it's definitely still there because my eyes feel slightly different (pressure) and of course when i stand or move my head there's still waves of pain. not wailing anymore but the intensity will still make me physically flinch and gasp.
Since she's a guest, be courteous and give her your bed. I would never let my guests sleep on the floor unless they really insisted.
Get yourself a thick blanket and lay it on the floor. Sleep on it.
Echoing the advice of your friends, please get a checkup.
I'm sure you're fine but to know what
is wrong and maybe something to treat it would be great. Please get a checkup.
Thanks anons. I was really feeling inept about this since I have no experience, seems like a normal thing people do but to me it's alien. I'll offer my bed for her and I will make sure I have clean sheets and everything is nice and available for her. And thanks >>77658
for considering the extra stuff I didn't actually consider but I certainly will now!
Don't send him anymore nudes and accept that there's a good chance he will post them. You can warn people that he's been been bothering you and ask them to not open his messages out of respect for you(but don't count on it too much…).
Don't send nudes with your faces in it anymore.
I don't know where you live, but in certain countries it's illegal to share nudes without someone's consent, so if you have proof he posted your nudes somewhere it could help you out if it's worth the trouble.
Don't send him anymore nudes as the other anon said. What you can do is warn other girls about him or even screenshot his threats about posting your nudes, so you can show the world what an asshole he is.
Hey anon! That is super kind of you to do. I volunteered at an old folk's home when I was younger so I can be of some help, though I never talked to many of them 1 on 1. From my observations, it seems like you being there and listening is enough. They never get to have someone to share their thoughts to, so it's welcoming and refreshing! Of course, that doesn't mean that it should be one-sided; perhaps you can ask about their grandchildren, hobbies, etc. Maybe if you guys get close enough, you could ask for stories from interesting time periods for they were in, such as the Cold War, Viet War, etc.
>>77902>trimmed or bald
Do what you want and feel most comfortable with. It's his job to deal with it if he doesn't like it.
On the implant there is no egg to be fertilized because it prevents it from being released. It's over 99% effective, way more than any other bc short of a hysterectomy because you can't fuck it up with human error. Did you even read up on it at all before you got it? But you know, use a condom if you want. It's your body.
That's movie bullshit. Communication is so important to sex.
Bless your heart anon, don't try to stress too much about the details because it likely won't go the way you plan. But some preparation is just fine. It's best to get yourself ready and go with what your body wants.
He probably doesn't understand the difference really and thinks a bit of a patch is trimmed. Go ahead and shave around the lips and leave a bit on the pubic mound.
You shouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant if you have Nexplanon. Condoms are just sort of a good idea to get used to though if you ever get a different partner. You want to protect yourself from STI's.
>>77902>he'd prefer trimmed instead
there's lot of guys who prefer unshaved so don't assume he's lying. my bf doesn't give a shit about the state of my pubes.
>should we still use a condom
yes. no birth control is 100% effective. plus, keeps you safe from things like hpv (which they can't detect it in men). also way easier cleanup when you don't have cum leaking out of you.
>shouldn't talk too much about it
maybe not RIGHT then if you're uncomfy, but definitely talk about it at some point before you guys have sex. it's better to have an idea of things instead of getting there and realizing you have two different ideas of what's going to happen. communication is incredibly important. don't let movies/tv dictate your sex life.
also, go pee after you guys finish so you don't risk getting a uti. it's unfortunately common for us.
yeah i had a counseling session before i actually got it. My sister said her friend was one of the small percentage that got pregnant anyway, so that scared me! but thank you for the input~>>77909
ive never shaved my lips, only around my pubic mound and even then i get ingrowns. Do you think boxed wax strips would do the trick? I tweeze a lot down there and i think i could handle it>>77910
ill definitely talk about it when i see him tomorrow, I want us to be on the same page!
Anon, if you can save up for it on groupon I definitely recommend laser. I used to deal with a lot of ingrowns and fast growth even with tweezers but now I feel so smoooth.
If you want to try waxing, I'd go to a professional for your first time. Also, sugaring sounds like a better alternative.
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The guy I like sent me photos of his dick, and I was happy but also somewhat intimidated because it looks like this with the mushroom head
I dated someone who had a similar shaped dick and even his head wasn't as wide as this and it was still really painful and now I'm really intimidated about sex because I know it will absolutely kill
any farmers know any ways to avoid this?
I didn't draw it I had to google a similar image
it's the same as that but a shorter shaft
Background: my mom, 7 years old sister, and me live together (dad croaked). Mom works night shifts as a waitress.
For the past few months she's been coming home a lot later, and has been drinking and even has taken up smoking (she thought she could cover the smell with more perfume and mint gum).
Just now she has gone to bed but her phone, charging in the living room, had the notification sounds on and it kept ringing, so I went to turn it off, and turned out to be some guy from my mom's contacts going off about how he doesn't want to see my mom again. The rudeness made me raise an eyebrow, and so I opened the conversation, and it's just them drunk flirting (typos galore) and talking about going out to drink. I got out of the convo, and saw that there's other guys mom was texting, so being the dumb fuck that can't keep her curiousity in check I opened them, and promptly regretted it.
It's just more flirting, drunk texting, and scheduling fuck meetups. I'm grossed out as one probably would finding out their parent has been fucking other people (2 of them are the type of Indians that would ask for bobs and vagene), but being a hoe fucking 7 dudes isn't my business since she's an adult. Problem is she has been sending pics of my sister and me (in crossplay, no less, joking about me being her son) to them, and I'm absolutely not ok with that.
Should I tell her to stop? And if I should how should I go about it? "Yo ma I've been through your phone I don't like what you did there"? Isn't it usually the mom who goes through this crisis going through her uni student daughter's phone instead of the other way around? What even.
Drink a lot of water, low sodium, exercise. Asparagus, herbal tea and homeopathic birch leaf pills all further desaturation.
You'll be fine,
Get into a position where you can easily exit the house if she gets upset, and mention it.
Ask what she wants; is she looking for a boyfriend, where are these guys from (work, online?) so you have an idea what's going on.
Maybe give her some talks about staying safe, updating family as to where she is and consent, since she's being the teenager here. Good luck. Give her time to think it over as well beyond the initial bringing-up-the-topic as she'll probably be defensive before thinking of your point of view a few hours later
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I don’t know what to do with my life.
Honestly I worked for 4 years as soon as I left school and straight up into a career.
Now I’m 22y and feel like I’m 30 my life is work my boyfriend and my animals.
Ive been getting into reckless behaviour like risk taking but I’m done with it.
How can I change? What am I missing?
I grew up an orphan so it’s not like I have anyone to ask this irl but my boyfriends family… or just equally immature friends
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anon i'm definitely biased but this sounds like the opposite of a problem. i mean look at how many of us are having quarter life crises because we're 25ish and don't have our shit completely together yet. you sound like you have a head start on the things people start really care about after mid 20s and things are only going to improve.
what do you feel like you're missing? partying? travel? general free time? or do you want a different career completely different to your current one?