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No. 514708
I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 35, I've been with him for almost a year now. He's a salaryman with a cat and a nice flat in the city. He's funny, patient, and sex is 50/50 (sometimes can't finish/goes limp). He's also immature, indecisive, and I caught him with incest/dog porn about 6 months in. He says he's stopped but the lack of trust is still there.
Now a guy I dated a year and a bit ago has come out of the woodwork to DM me. He's my age, son of millionaires, travels a fair bit, and personality-wise he's confident, well-educated, and cultured. However he can also be crass, arrogant, and he's got rich boy issues (went to some Hogwarts school where his caretakers abused him, for some reason now hates himself and Chinese people, black people).
Is it worth leaving my safe salaryman option for the second one? I really do love the first guy but there still is a degree of mistrust aftet the porn thing, and he's invited his ex to stay over in the guest room whilst I've been away, and he went to a hostess bar when I asked him not to. He just seems stubborn to accomodate simple requests. However option 2 is definitely more risky; he's rich so he has high standards (I'll have to get real good at jim and make-up), he's arrogant and racist (told me his tragic backstory today, feels like "I can fix him"). Sorry for the longpost I just cant think of how to shorten it(bait)
No. 514969
>>514744I didn’t want to be specific and yes, I try and be funny
>>514711>>514821I’m sorry but it’s true
No. 515801
>>515540It was the
>safe salaryman option>who also is into incest and bestiality>but i asked him to stop being a dogfucker so it's ok now!for me. But there's so many other good details to choose from, like
>going to hostess bars>inviting his ex to stay over when I'm away>jim and make-up. No. 515823
File: 1743203111295.gif (1.2 MB, 200x160, IMG_4167.gif)
>bippies and other manics posting their poor choices and trauma bonding to scrotes who only want them as a human flesh light
>hippies and other manics also posting fake stories to get attention like it’s reddit
This is where the real milk is and you know it kek
No. 515903
>>515882the past is the past and the present is the glorious sexy fun present. if you like sex, love, relationships, and fun, then the skin that you're tasting in the present moment is what will make you happy. self-conscious and shallow preoccupation with what other people have done that you haven't or how you measure up to others is how you end up caring about the wrong things.
yes, a lot of men are monsters and disgusting. but there are people out there who are cool and fun and interesting in ways you never could have imagined, and you should do your best to never settle for someone who grosses you out just because your imagination is too limited to picture someone worthwhile. I think the reason that there is a weirdly high number of posts on this board by self-described manhaters who somehow end up dating 4channers who are the absolute scum of humanity is because, by telling yourself "all men my age have experienced many whores and goon to pornhub," you're actually psyopping yourself into settling for a loser by deciding that losers are the only option.
also. remind yourself that if you had the perfect puppy love experience and then broke up, you wouldn't be saying "ah well, at least I experienced that once." you'd be like, fuck, I miss when I was in a perfect relationship. the past will never be a substitute for the present!
No. 515914
>>515882This sounds almost exactly like moid logic and I think you've internalized way too much moid logic/redpill propaganda if this post is even serious. Being preoccupied with men being 'ruined' or 'tainted' by other women is not normal or healthy (men being tainted by being porn addled coomers is a legitimate concern but everyone at every age deals with it, they start watching that shit at like age 8-12 so this was always going to be a problem no matter what), and also at age 20-21 it's still normal for everyone, male and female, to be virgins. Many people that age have never even dated casually let alone seriously before.
>All men my age (20) have already experienced many whoresLol this has to be a joke. Moids do age worse than women but they hit their physical prime in their twenties, so your post comes off a bit pedophilic and sounds like the shit MRA moids say about women/girls (that girls are 'at their best' barely after hitting puberty). It kind of sounds like you've internalized messages about girls being worthless after age 16 and turned that fixation on men instead of freeing yourself from the ridiculous idea that the best time for sex and relationships is before sexual maturity. The shit about hairlessness sounds straight out of Nabokov (the other book, not Lolita but the version where she's like 9).
>I later learned my childhood crush liked me back big time but never said anything.What's stopping you from trying to rekindle the relationship now if you still like him? If you don't, clearly you didn't miss out on anything. You can still have 'puppy love' at your current age no problem.
>>515903>by telling yourself "all men my age have experienced many whores and goon to pornhub," you're actually psyopping yourself into settling for a loser by deciding that losers are the only option. This is exactly what it is and whenever I read posts like this it feels like MRA/redpill incel ideology has won the culture war.
No. 515941
>>515919I don’t get why you should give him the grace of time when he didn’t give you an ounce of honesty and spat on your relationship while making a fool of you? You talk when you want to, he isn’t the one who was betrayed.
It would bother me if my partner cheated on me, yesterday, tomorrow or 10 years ago, it doesn’t change. Actually the fact that he played in your face all this time should make you more pissed off.
No. 515950
>>515903I fucking hate the rhetoric that only men can desire younger, better looking partners and we should just go through a humbling transformation where we learn to settle with what we have at hand. There is no "glorious sexy fun" present. I fucking hate sex. All I ever wanted was to hold hands with someone I loved. Nothing more, no smegma stick sucking, no nothing. You will not gaslight me about what I see with my own two eyes- all men my age are balls of butter dunked in shed pubes. Call me a brainwashed Nabokov pervert all you want, I can see. And no I'm not into 18 year olds either, they look too childish. The mythical "sexual peak 20 something male" doesn't exist in real life outside of fashion runways. They go straight from one type of ugly to another. I guess it's impossible for a woman who is attractive or a woman who gets male attention to understand the pain of looking good for once years ago and still not managing to find love. You can't just make up for it when you're a total ""
femcel"" with no game. Its a selfish pain, it's not about him its about me. My 21st bday is weeks away and I have nothing to show for it in the terms of love - nothing ever gets better. And no I don't interact with discord 4channers, I never have in my life. All normie men goon and fuck whores even if they don't tell you about it. I'm glad you never met dads taking their sons to fuck whores for their 13th birthday present but your naivete is exhausting. I missed my one chance at something pure and you're attacking my character about it. The only point I agree with was how upsetting it would be to break up. The "culture war" has already ended by the way, women are getting kidnapped by masked police officers and tossed into unmarked vans in broad daylight. I'm not even american but it's clear as day you -we?- lost.
No. 515952
>>515946I found it 3 days ago, when I snooped. I had found a message from her 3 years ago when I moved in that was recent but he fluffed it away
.
>>515941I am very pissed off, I feel like they've played me like a fool.
He will lose his shit about snooping though. I don't know if I would believe the truth of nothing happened without seeing the whatsapp chat, assuming its still there
No. 515955
>>515801It's all true and happened over the span of like a year. I caught him with the incest porn and using Reddit for like like 3 months in and figured he just didn't see me as a long-term commitment so why bother? I caught him with the dog stuff the 2nd time and I was literally crushed. I got drunk and tried to attack him. I took a week break but came back because I really missed him but I still can't not think about it, like, I'll make stupid jokes and always end up convincing him "what no sorry I didn't mean it like that I'm over it I promise". If he was shitty in any other way I'd dump him but he's too fucking nice. He helped me pay to study abroad, he doesn't care about my past trauma and shit.
I just can't imagine not being with him. Also my study abroad is almost over and he lives in the city, it'll be cheaper living with him in his flat so there's that.
No. 515963
>>515950Sure it's normal desire younger, better looking moids, unless you're on the cusp of adulthood lusting after children. It is normal to find people at their prime attractive which isn't high school age that's for sure. And moids are not even hairless in high school, they start getting hairy and growing beards in middle school.
It doesn't look like you actually want advice about relationships since it sounds like you don't want a relationship, think it would only have been worth it while you were a child and now it is over because 19-20yo adults are too walled for you. Plus if you are repulsed by male adult bodies, the idea of sex/intimacy beyond handholding, etc. can't you just have platonic friendships with women instead? You can still experience 'pure love' and non-sexual physical intimacy like handholding with women, who aren't likely to be disgusting gooners and won't repulse you with their hairiness (male AND female secondary sexual characteristic that is fairly inescapable, but men convince women to shave).
>And no I'm not into 18 year olds either, they look too childish.You're essentially saying the only possible time for a relationship was age 19 then am I correct? I guess you missed the boat, it's over and if you'd had that brief relationship at 19 you would probably be sad about him getting old and ugly at age 20 and break up anyway so nothing of value was lost.
>You can't just make up for it when you're a total ""femcel"" with no game. You're literally 20, an age at which easily half of young women are still kissless virgins. You can't be a
femcel at age 20. It's completely normal and average to have no relationship experience at age 21.
>All normie men goon and fuck whores even if they don't tell you about it. You definitely do surround yourself with MRA pigs and 4channers if you think that literally all men goon and fuck whores lmao. A majority of women goon, very few of them fuck whores, but it's not like them being a year or two younger would have made them any less likely to be a gooner. In fact peak gooning for many moids is in their early to mid teens. Why should any woman be 'romantically loving and holding hands' with a gooner anyway? If you believe they're all gooners you definitely shouldn't want to 'love' one.
>missed my one chance at something pureSo you're saying the one moid you liked who liked you back has admitted to using prostitutes in the intervening 2 years, or..?
>women are getting kidnapped by masked police officers and tossed into unmarked vans in broad daylight. Huh? Where? And what does this has to do with your attitude about romance only being possible in high school even though all the high school boys are gooners who fuck whores with their dads?
No. 516366
>>516150He could be your dad anyway and someone in their mid-30s dating the literal youngest possible women to make it legal seems like a predator even without the 20-15 other details you provided that confirm he is indeed a particularly bad kind of predator.
>but him being racist and kind of a jerk makes sense because he's richNo, that does not make sense.
>>516102Yes but only some of them. Most are not. Most probably had the potential to be adults capable of love when they were like 7yo, but once a moidlet locks into the developmental path of coomerism he never develops like a cognitively and emotionally normal human being.
>>516187Absolutely not.
>>516281>ADHD isn't like BPD they're not going to be psychosExcept in males, ADHD is like BPD and they are going to be psychos.
>>516299This is a weird one anon, I would personally confront him about it and ask him why he's like that in public because maybe it is something he can easily overcome (it depends on your age too), but personally I would not stay with someone long term who was like this. My dad is like this. It is not only constantly embarrassing for my mom but it has also been constantly humiliating for me and I'm in my thirties now and it's honestly only ever gotten worse. In my dad's case I think it is undiagnosed autism but do not 'plan a life' with someone who can't do things normally or talk to people in public, they will dump every single responsibility on you and any children you have and adultify them. If he's like that at restaurants he will also probably be like that when he needs to call about the gas bill, go with you to the doctor, deal with a plumber coming by, etc.
No. 516399
>>516362Mine is as well- very capable, very attractive and well spoken. He's literally a manager. Which makes me wonder if he slips into this other role or something when in the public sphere.
>>516366I see what you're saying, but like I said above he's perfectly capable of communicating with people. He does it for a living. When we're at home, great banter and conversation. Today at the resturaunt, pulling teeth to get a reaction.
He did say initially that he's a homebody and he doesn't like travelling or going out every weekend. Which is fine but I'd like to have fun with him outside every once in a blue moon. I want shared life experiences with my "life partner".
I talked with him a few minutes ago. Explained how i perceived his behavior. He could only say "i don't know."
No. 516416
>>516399Either he's autistic and has no idea or he just really doesn't want to be outside with you. I've been in a similar position in the past (ex would shut down doing activities I wanted to do but came to life if he did what he wanted to do). Men are aware of why they do things they just don't tell you.
Does he only do this at restaurants, or is it during any other outings as well?
No. 516424
>>516399UGH he says the same fucking thing "I don't know" of course you fucking know stop making me dig into you to find out why. Yeah, yours is a manager, mine is an accountant; maybe this is some kind of outlet for them? They can't act like stroppy teenage boys at work so they do it when they're out with us. They just wanna stay at home and play vidya like FUCK OFF.
I totally relate to your frustration. We went to a nice bar and were in a pretty quiet corner but he was still mopey and quiet most of the night.
>>516411Any photos of him, any socials, old convos, delete. Go cold turkey. Trust me, you'll forget his face soon enough.
No. 516503
>>516399Be that as it may, if he isn't able to be normal and sociable in social situations with you, it doesn't matter how good he is at being a manager at his job. In your relationship he is refusing to act normal when you go out in public, making you embarrassed and unhappy. You're not his boss, you're his girlfriend.
>He could only say "i don't know."Yeah something is clearly wrong here. IF he had a real reason he would be eager to explain it. This is a huge red flag imo, being a homebody doesn't mean you turn into a socially retarded autist every time you go outside and I'm sure he knows that too. So like you said before either he is embarrassed to be out with you or there is some other reason why he is like this but he doesn't want to fix it because he won't even explain to you why it's happening. If he is socially adept when he's not out with you I'd assume that this is his way of taking something out on you, maybe showing dissatisfaction that you expect him to go outside.
>>516411Block and stay safe
No. 516533
>>516411>I'm missing my piece of shit ex bc he was honestly the prettiest man I've ever seen.Men like that behave like that cause we let them
He's rosterdating another group of simps, guaranteed
No. 516560
>>516533He isn't, or at least wasn't for the last two years after we broke up. According to mutual friends he was still hung up on me. I've cut those friends out of my life too so I dont know how he is doing anymore though.
>>516424Its almost been 3 years since I last saw him and I can just as vividly recall his face as if it was yesterday.
>>516536I suppose this is the answer. His dad aged like shit so I guess he will too.
No. 516914
>>513787My last ex had unmedicated ADHD. I didn’t see the full effects of it at first, because after we met we were in different countries, and he seemed to live a full and interesting life. Then he came back to my country. I’ve never had such whiplash in thinking that I knew somebody:
I came to realise that he was so detached from the real world that I became so tired of telling him ‘no’. No, we can’t just hire a boat and sail down my city’s major river. No, we wouldn’t be able to eventually get married in my city’s most famous landmark. He was unable to do basic chores to the extent that I thought he might be retarded. On the other hand, if it was weaponised incompetence, he came across as so incompetent I lost all attraction to him. He was a master of lovebombing, which initially distracted me from the fact that he had no respect for the fact that I had to work full time and didn’t have the time or energy to cater to his every whim. I was like a shell of myself.
I waited for him to go back to his home country to break up with him. He flipped and sent endless emotionally manipulative messages and voicenotes. I asked for space, which he didn’t respect, and so I blocked him and then he started messaging my family members. According to the latest update from his social media from a friend several months later, he thinks I was cheating on him. They live on their own fucking planet. They don’t see others as complete people, but caricatures of themselves who are good (enabling) or bad (emotionally resilient; self-preserving).
When we got together, this thread was active:
>>>/g/381978. Nonas talk about their experience with ADHD moids in it. I wish I'd paid more attention to it.
No. 516918
>>516914I'm the anon who previously said that dating ADHD moids isn't worth it and this is exactly why (full disclosure I never dated one, but some of my friends have). If you look at typical dating advice forums, even kind of retarded ones like FDS, one of the useful takeaways is 'never date a moid who doesn't actively make your life better than it was when you were single (outside of sex). A lot of women are kind of bad about this because we've been primed from childhood to think that life with 'romance' or a partner is automatically better, but whenever I see a woman in some early relationship stage asking 'ladies, is it worth it to date (X type of man with massive neon red flag above head)' I just automatically think 'no, if you have to ask it isn't.'
The best case with an ADHD moid is that he is self-dx'd retard making excuses for why he can't complete any tasks or goals in school or work. The middle case is he's a semi-normal moid who has talked a therapist into a diagnosis and is going to be an amphetamine addict for the rest of his life as a result. The worst case is that he actually has ADHD, which is a neurodevelopmental disorder that means he's literally been brain damaged in some way from birth, and while neurodivergent women frequently manage to rise above that with self-discipline and empathy for other people, neurodivergent men basically don't, ever. They will never 'get you,' they will act deranged and use their diagnosis as an excuse for lacking ambition and life skills, they will pity themselves when you expect them to rise above their neurological issues the way most women with ADHD/autism are expected to. The other really horrible thing about ADHD moids (highlighted in that thread) is they will be the most porn-addicted coomers alive, 10 times worse than regular coomer men. The only instance in which it makes sense to date an ADHD moid is if you dated him for a year or more before even finding out he has ADHD, he seems normal and together in every way and you just found out he has ADHD by accident. Otherwise literally why would you add that kind of chaos to your life when even mentally 'normal' men are on average so awful to date?
No. 516929
>>516918I'm the anon you're replying to and couldn't agree more. My ex came along when I was feeling ready to say 'yes' to everything because life had felt quiet for a year and it seemed like a partner was the only thing 'missing'. The fact that he wasn’t from my country was exciting, and he seemed to have a lot of ambition which – in the longterm – would have opened up opportunities for me also. It was only when he was here that I realised I had replaced all his other future plans and he put his education on hold to become a neet hobo in my country.
In hindsight, my life was complete. Steady job, own living space, good friends, hobbies. I’ve done so much reflection since he left, journaled until I can’t anymore, and opened up to friends about the shame I feel for missing the red flags. What comforts me is that I’m invested in my personal growth, whereas I know that he’s still blaming me for everything going wrong and looking for the perfect sex-mother. Whereas I'm content to just get laid every once in a while lmao.
Also I've just realised I completely fucked up replying to
>>516187 so I hope she sees all this.
No. 516935
>>516929This isn't the same thing but I have had a close female friend for the last 18 or so years who has ADHD and despite being more tolerable due to being a female friend, I relate to the 'seemed to have a lot of ambition which… would have opened up opportunities for me.' My female ADHD friend was constantly pitching projects to me which sounded ambitious and vaguely aligned with my pre-existing career/hobby goals and I kept pouring effort and energy into making them happen while she would eventually drop them and get defensive about the fact I was still talking about them. I can't imagine how much worse it would be with a moid who lacks the empathy and theory of mind to even realize that he is putting your life on hold for his fleeting, fake ambitions about 'projects' he will never commit to; at least my female ADHD friend felt sorry when she dropped the ball and actively apologized for stringing me along.
>I had replaced all his other future plans and he put his education on hold to become a neet hobo in my country.This is such a common story from my friends who have dated ADHD moids it's not even funny. It's like they can only focus on one thing at a time so if they seem to be focusing on your relationship you can bet the futures of your unborn grandchildren on the fact he is definitely letting every other aspect of his life lapse and depending on him to bail you out if he's acting attentive to you. I had extremely accomplished, educated, together female friends lose months or years of their lives to these moids who tried to monopolize their energy only to then drop it on them they had no future plans outside of 'depending on the relationship for future happiness.' And like you're saying these were women with their own homes, friends, hobbies, good careers.
>>516933>medicated and he is still showing plenty red flagsCould be comorbidities, could be that the ADHD diagnosis is a convenient cover for a cluster B personality disorder too. A man going straight from extremely affectionate directly to ignoring sounds kind of par for the course for ADHD (not caring unless something is the most amusing thing right in front of them) but it could also be something like BPD or NPD too. If he's already medicated and still treating you like this it's highly unlikely it's ever going to get better. No matter how high the highs are early in a relationship with a moid, if the lows are low it's not worth it dragging yourself into that mess and trying to fix him. Genuinely, it's better to live a single life and be stable or even fuck with some dramatic but fleeting situationships than put yourself in a long term situation with a moid who will drag you onto the roller coaster of hell. It might seem fun and appealing at first to feel those high highs and low lows but it gets really exhausting really quickly. Any moid worth letting into your life in a long term way will never ever make you feel those low lows, make you feel ignored, etc. Any moid worth being in your life long term will make your day to day life better and less tumultuous.
No. 522560
I was considering breaking up with my boyfriend, but chose to stay when we talked about having kids. I realised he'd make a great dad and a better husband than a boyfriend. The problem is he keeps collecting kids to dote on, even as we're preparing to have kids of our own. He was raised in the same home as his 6 cousins (all women), so they're more like sisters to him. On top of that, he's one of the oldest, so he helped raise all his younger cousins, so he has a very close bond with them. They all live quite close together, still have family meals every Sunday etc. As his cousins have had kids, they've been like his beloved nieces and nephews, but a few of those cousins have had disastrous relationships that've left them single mothers, and he's been there to pick up the slack with the kids.
He babysits, takes them to school and appointments, tutors them etc. and it consumes most of his free time. He loves to do it and he's raised those kids like they're his own, but he just doesn't see that if he wants to have kids, he's going to have to make a choice between prioritising his second-cousins or his own children. I've tried to broach the subject multiple times in a few different ways, but he's convinced he can manage just fine. In his mind, it's just one more kid to add to the madhouse, and he'll be bouncing our baby on his knee as he helps one kid with math homework and braids another's hair. It's how he was raised, it's how he's helped raise 'his' kids, and I respect that, but it's an unrealistic expectation. In the end, every time I try to convince him of the flaws in the plan or point out deficiencies, all he hears is an attack on his family.
He's so totally confident in his ability to do this, that he finds my lack of faith in him disheartening. I'm at the point where I want to give him an ultimatum, but I know if I do that the relationship is over anyway. What should I do?
No. 522752
>>522560>I was considering breaking up with my boyfriend, but chose to stay when we talked about having kids. I feel like I don't even need to read past this sentence to know this is a bad idea. Someone you don't even want as a boyfriend definitely isn't worth marrying or having progeny with. That's like saying 'I don't really like eating this ice cream flavor, but what if I sign a contract with the Devil that I will have to eat it and no other flavors for the rest of my life, 3x a day?'
>but he just doesn't see that if he wants to have kids, he's going to have to make a choiceSounds like he's literally retarded. Another strike against him.
>In his mind, it's just one more kid to add to the madhouseSo he doesn't even care about you and would also be a terrible father? There's nothing wrong with raising your kid among a bunch of siblings and cousins but envisioning your own child as 'just another one' among many other people's children isn't really a parental mindset imo and it's EXTREMELY disrespectful to you. What about your pregnancy, postpartum period, etc? Becoming a father isn't just about caring for the new child but also (especially) for the mother, who is usually the child's actual main caretaker.
This moid sounds nice, but mentally retarded, so I think you're screwed anyway, but what was the reason you were considering breaking up with him in the first place?
No. 522791
>>522789I totally disagree. Him being loyal to his cousins and good with his nephews is a very positive trait but nonna isn't looking for a nanny, she's looking for a life partner. Men who never ever realize they should prioritize their girlfriend/wife and 'start their own family' that takes priority over other family members pretty much always blow up their relationships. Plus she didn't even like him until they had the kids conversation. He's having conversations about having a biological child but the woman who would carry and give life to the child is not even worth hearing out, he brushes off her repeated attempts to broach the subject and doesn't care about her opinion about her family and child. This is also a bad sign because it could turn into controlling or possessive behavior later on; either that or he's somehow mentally impaired or severely lacks EQ/social sense (this is possible if he likes children so much, it may be because he's extremely immature).
What about her post implied any ambition? She didn't say anything about her boyfriend except he 'keeps collecting kids' and 'spends all his time on those kids' etc. and that he's ignoring her.
No. 522820
>>522448>I proposed to my boyfriendFirst mistake, never propose to a man. Should always be the other way around.
>Did I do the right thingIf this isn't bait and what you're telling us is actually true, then no you didn't do the right thing if you prioritize your own safety and emotional/mental/physical wellbeing. Relationships between men and women work best when the men are seriously vetted. After a handful of dates you don't know anything about this guy, I'm sorry but you really don't. It takes a longer time and a lot more time spent together learning about who a man truly is to see if he's worth marrying or not. I hope it works out for you regardless and that you don't come to any harm, but honestly this is probably one of those situations that you'll laugh about in 10 years time and kind of wish you spent the time and money elsewhere.
No. 522836
>>522560It'll be honest, my initial reaction was thinking you'd be crazy for leaving a man who has demonstrated to be a responsible and hard working caretaker/future father. But it's probably a little more nuanced than that. It really hinges on how he'll react once you have kids and he (likely) realizes he can't do it all. Will he prioritize you and your kid then? Not sure if you can predict that beforehand. (Then again, if not him, who and where are you going to find a man who you know will make an excellent father beforehand? I think it's always a gamble for women)
I do wonder how it works on a practical level- do you live very close his cousins or even in the same home?
No. 522852
>>522836Most of his family bought homes in the same area, and send their kids to schools in the same area, so our house is pretty much equidistant from everything else and makes for a midway point where they congregate. They just catch a bus or ride here on their bikes to get help with homework, gather to play in the park, have a place to watch TV until their mothers are back from work/daycare etc. We've just surrendered the gamesroom at this point and the kids clean up when they leave, while we keep a spare bedroom made up just in case something unexpected happens. It was initially awkward, but his impact on their upbringing is so obvious in that it's made them all very charming kids that are nice to have around.
>if not him, who and where are you going to find a manThat's my big point of contention. I see what he's done for these kids, how he's been such a huge part of their upbringing that they even sound and act like him. It doesn't matter how tired or frustrated he is, he always approaches them with an excitement, compassion and love that's infectious. I want that for my kids. However, I'm a fair bit older than him and I'd basically given up on finding someone to have kids with. If I can't make it work with him, I'll almost certainly never have kids before it's too late.
No. 523058
File: 1744137514180.gif (5.03 MB, 410x499, 1658916006342.gif)
Nonnas the guy I'm dating is a turbo virgin. He has never had sex or really kissed before. I really like him and I am not sure how to go about guiding him when it comes to sex and kissing. He gets way too excited and it gets overwhelming. I guess I would like advice on how to navigate the beginning of this relationship with a man who is very much a virgin in every aspect.
No. 523102
>>522831Okay, that puts things in a somewhat different light. If it's true that the only reason you want 'spontaneous' outings is as a consolation prize for not having children, then it sounds like it isn't an issue with the boyfriend so much as an issue with your own lifestyle. I still think him brushing you off is a huge issue though. I would never, ever, consider putting my body at risk and having a child with a man whose entire attitude is 'whatever, it'll be so easy we don't even need to think about it and you're annoying me by wanting to talk or plan.'
>>522852If you don't think you're going to find a better man and you enjoy having the kids around, you probably need to sit down and just be extremely aggressive with your point of view. You need to insist that he actually take it seriously and tell him that he's being childish and it's worrying you and making you question your future together. What else can you do really?
>However, I'm a fair bit older than himWhich one of you makes more money? This is entirely expected because he sounds so immature.
No. 523264
File: 1744150186476.jpg (18.21 KB, 800x450, 2mhrqnmb7s941.jpg)
A guy gave me his number for the first time in my entire life. I just got out of work but I'm too scared to respond , what the actual fuck do I do or say to his "Hi " text so I can fuck? KHHV my whole life because of nosy shaming parents but this is too good to pass up even if he is 8 years older.
No. 523467
>>523444Have you explained what you like/don't like in the moment, or do you just vaguely tell him to stop? You have to communicate directly; he might think you're just telling him to slow down and not understand your preferneces. Teaching a virgin moid can be a fun experience if you know what you enjoy. You can literally mold him to please you, if he can listen and isn't pornsick like
>>523454 mentioned.
No. 523550
File: 1744166403779.jpg (4.76 KB, 316x264, 1000013557.jpg)
Should I break up with my long distance boyfriend of 3+ years because of the disgust I feel whenever he says romantic or sexual stuff? Even thinking about the post sexual acts we've done or video calls just make my stomach turn. I still think he's a great person, he's skinny, slightly taller than me, and smart but idk i just can't help but think " ew what a fag" sometimes.
No. 523639
>>523444If he's pornsick I would avoid having sex with him or making out with him entirely. Pornsick virgins are such a bad idea to date.
>>523550Yes, you should.
No. 523668
>>523102He's 6 years younger than me and makes about three times what I do.
He's more than happy to plan, that's his wheelhouse and it's what he does for a living, but he tends to underestimate the emotional stress things place on him specifically. His only frame of reference is caring for his cousins' new-borns, which he made part of his responsibilities, but ultimately they are not, and their life and death doesn't hang on him. I think piling a new-born that NEEDS him, on top of him being like a father to 5 other kids, will be too much. He's already picking out paint for a nursery, laying out the backyard for a sandbox, and preparing an index fund and investment portfolio, but he can't plan around what an earth-shattering moment becoming a parent can be. He's very kind-hearted and thinks he'll love all his family equally, but he's completely unprepared for the kind of instincts that'll make him choose his child over others. Ultimately, I'm trying to get him to cut the cord a little and have the other kids depend on him a little less so that sudden shift in perspective won't impact the kids, or him, as much. He feels like doing any less than all he can for his family is a betrayal.
No. 523708
>>523668AYRT and again, I mentioned this before, but he needs to understand that he didn't REALLY care for his cousins' new-borns, they did. He may have helped them out almost like a father does (although you said only two of them are single moms so presumably the other ones had their husbands there and he didn't really take on a father role), but I'm guessing he didn't live with them full time in a house together with no other people like he would be living with you. He probably wasn't waking up 5x per night every single day when the baby cried. At any rate, the woman is the main caretaker of her babies when they are babies, the man is not, so a lot of his role would be to take care of YOU. You really need to make him understand that a huge part of the burden of fatherhood would be that he's there full time with the baby, and also you, who are probably extremely stressed, tired, getting no sleep, might have some postpartum complications, etc. and it will be his full time role, all the time, even if he gets no sleep for weeks in a row, to try to make you comfortable. Did he really experience this 'helping out' with raising his cousins' babies?
>He's very kind-hearted and thinks he'll love all his family equallyThis is one of the things I found a bit
sus in your original post and I still find it
sus now. I would be disturbed if I was planning on having a baby with a moid and he said his own (my) baby would be 'equal' to a bunch of his cousins' children who have their own families. This also implies that you would not be any more important to him than his female cousins. While this might just be a misperception he has to be nice, this would make me really think twice about settling down with someone. You should be the single most important person to your moid (above even his mom, let alone siblings and cousins) and your children together should be in spot #2. If they were actually his babies that would be another thing but it sounds like he's planning on making you part of a club, not marrying and having your first child together. If your own child with him grows up in this environment, it's possible your child would love having so many close older cousins, but from experience talking to friends who had many siblings, they usually feel neglected. If your child grows up feeling that he/she is not any more important to his/her parent than a bunch of cousins once removed, it could really fuck your kid up so I hope he's just saying that and it's not actually true.
No. 523728
>>523723It kinda does, but if it's that important to her to have a kid then maybe having a kid with a moid who's responsible and good with kids is a better choice for her than shopping around for a better boyfriend and remaining childless. The other concerning part though is it sounds like he's never really prioritized her in his life compared to his cousins and nephews. He was okay with 'draining' her and making her feel miserable in the relationship in order to have more time with his family, which could continue to happen if they get married and have a child together.
I also had the thought that if his plan is to hold his newborn while braiding one niece's hair and helping another nephew with math homework, what's happening to her as a postpartum woman? She's going to be exhausted, waking up constantly throughout the night to breastfeed (probably) or stop her baby crying, probably extremely sensitive and exhausted, but he's going to have a half dozen other kids running around their shared house helping them with the math homework and getting in her space? Most new mothers find guests (even respectful, adult guests) pretty draining and don't have much energy for socialization unless it's responsible adults that are actively helping them take care of the child and their own needs. But having a half dozen random other kids be your houseguests constantly while you're going through this sounds really exhausting.
Also
>>523668>He's already picking out paint for a nursery, laying out the backyard for a sandbox, and preparing an index fundAm I correct in my understanding that you're not even married yet and you don't have your mind set on this child? It sounds like he's steamrolling you completely.
No. 523967
File: 1744207995122.jpeg (52.86 KB, 1024x752, IMG_6464.jpeg)
urgent help
Nonas help please i’m losing my mind I fell in love with the most beautiful twink nerd who is so like me and aligns well with most of my values in dating (not watching porn etc) sex is wonderful and whatever we’ve been dating for like 3 months now and we play this game together, yesterday i saw him open the game and saw his first save file was with a female character and i asked who that was and he said “oh i started off the game as a girl for some reason” and now i’m incredibly worried that there might be some underlying agp adjacent issue since he definitely fits the demographic (nerd, weeb, in engineering) but if i bring this up to him he’ll think i’m fucking insane and schizoid.. what the fuck do i do.. i love him so much and just want him to be normal. why is it so hard for a weird girl
to find a normal weird boy who isn’t a sex pest I AM KILLING MYSELF !!!!!
No. 523986
>>523967Calm the fuck down. Christ. I don't say this often to women but you're overreacting a bit.
First off, do you think it's weird for a woman to play a male character in a game? It doesn't reflect the entirety of their personality or deep-seated thoughts about gender or whatever, it's just a character. If he was always playing a female character as a rule, sure you'd be right to worry a
little. Is there anything else that makes you think he might be an agp?
Second, three months into dating is not a lot. At this point you know basically nothing about the other person. It might feel that way but it's not. You don't live together yet (at least i hope not), you don't even know what he's like for most of the day he's not at work or uni. It seems like you're lovesick and it's putting you on edge for any sort of possible flaw this guy has. I would consider looking into whether you have some unhealthy attachment issues or even bpd.
No. 523997
>>523986Anon is right to be worried since not being careful can get her hurt or forced into staying in order to not look like a
terf to normalfags. If she doesn’t see the signs at first and gets sucked into the sunk cost part of the relationships that most moids use against women to keep them chained down. Being keen isn’t mental illness, siding with trannies is though and letting yourself be a future trans widow is worse than whatever bpd you’re projecting
No. 524020
File: 1744210255824.png (494.59 KB, 760x762, hons.png)
>>523993Sorry to hear about your relationship experiences. I can see they've really affected you.
>he used to watch a lot of porn (made him quit) and likes astolfo femboy memesOkay, that gives me pause, actually. Could well have blossoming agp. Astolfo memes aren't funny to people who don't have gendie illness. They're just not. There is a trans widow thread on the hidden board, better ask for advice there.
>>523997Being that paranoid over a single avatar doesn't seem healthy to me. She just left out a few details though. I just know from experience that being paranoid about every possible flaw in a relationship is more tiring than cutting your losses and breaking up with a loser.
No. 524045
>>524020thank you so much nona :[ is it the thread on xx ?? seems a bit dead, like no one has posted in 2 years..
i really don’t know what to do because if i bring it up to him he might be so weirded out and there’ll be no way to come back from that.. but if i don’t and i just try to forget about it, i’ll torture myself with the thought.
he doesn’t seem to have gendie brain worms, w the astolfo stuff he really could just be a lost weeb (i hope for the best).. he is so very nice and dear to me, cares about me and my interests in a way no other guy has. idk if it means anything but he has also talked a bit about how he feels like “it’s his job as a man to…” (pay for stuff for me, being emotionally strong, doesn’t say it in a bad light and is kind of proud about it). i don’t know if that could also be an indicator of possible agp ?? like trying to compensate in some sort of way ??
(emoji) No. 524063
>>524045Yeah the board's a little dead.
Just be on the lookout for other signs for now. Though i hate to break it to you that it's not looking good. With the "as a man" stuff, people who troon out also have strict ideas about gender roles, and if he feels he doesn't fill the role of the man well enough, he might troon out.
You should give him some kind of sign soon that you will not, on principle, date a troon. If you don't want to be direct about it, strike up a conversation about it, or mention it when the topic arises. If you don't think you can have a full-on conversation, he should know that you won't support his decision if he decides on it. Honestly a friendly convo about the topic seems the best move here. At least you'll be able to gauge whether he needs a reality check or a full-on break up. Be strong!
Also, emojis are banned. And learn to integrate.
No. 524072
>>524020>Being that paranoid over a single avatar doesn't seem healthy to me.Shut the fuck up. Women NEED to trust their intuition more because we intuitively know when a moid is going to ruin our lives, even if we can't explain it or it seems trivial.
>>524045>w the astolfo stuff he really could just be a lost weeb (i hope for the best)Trust your instincts. Men who are into astolfo and trapshit in general are terminally online. Hell, nowadays men into anime in general is a red flag, nevermind liking femboy/traps. He probably jerks it to femboys 5 times a day. Is that really the kind of man you want to spend months or years of your life with?
No. 524341
>>524045I agree with the other anons here that the astolfo femboy memes (and former severe porn addiction) are bigger red flags than having a female avatar in stardew valley. When I first read your post I didn't know what you would be worried about but those trap/femboy memes are not normal shit that normal 'nerds' like or should even be aware of. I also agree with
>>524072 that you should trust your instincts. Is there a subtle way you can try to get more information, like if you see him liking or sharing one of the femboy memes could you segue into a conversation about it (pretend to be nonjudgmental) and see if he lets anything slip? The problem is though that even if he feels safe talking to you he could still be in the phase where he's still in denial himself, and that doesn't mean he won't troon out later.
Talking about how 'it's his job as a man' to do things is a sign he believes in gender ideology generally, but it's not really that much of a tell as a lot of straight men believe that shit, AGP or not. Have you talked about troons or gender ideology with him at all so far?
No. 524379
>>524341i’ve asked him about the astolfo stuff and told him i find it cringe and he says he finds it cringe too and that it’s all ironic, he just likes Fate (i tried to be nonjudgmental about it bc we joke about each other being “cringe” which of course we are). i’ve also talked about him being into femboys/being closeted and he’s like do you think i’d be this turned on by you if i was actually gay which. pretty good point since the sex is very good sadly… and no, haven’t talked about troons/being gender critical at all. i fear he’ll find me schizophrenic. also with prior porn usage it’d be once a day-every two days but who knows maybe he lied. i try not to judge much given the current state of men and i do appreciate him stopping for me (i trust him, might be stupid of me to do so, but he says its retarded to watch porn while having a gf)
i’m gonna try asking him why he has a female avatar now that we’re gonna play stardew. he has seen me being uneasy and is trying to get me to open up about it but i just cant lol.. thank you all nonas for your help, means a lot to this lurker turned newfag
No. 524410
>>524379>he says he finds it cringe too and that it’s all ironicGod, moids are so pathetic. This is a common line with them. They say it's all "ironic" and that they were "memed into it." Yet they still indulge their shitty fetishes. By the way, men are great at compartmentalizing things. He can be attracted to and lust after traps/femboys
and find you attractive too. I'd be cautious with this guy.
No. 524436
>>524379Moids always say the 'jokes' and 'humor' they like are just ironic but the type of humor they engage with is a pretty good indicator of what they actually think and like, it just gives them plausible deniability when it's a 'joke.' Like other anons said those memes aren't even funny to non-gendies, what's funny about them unless you find the femboy shit relatable?
>i’ve also talked about him being into femboys/being closeted and he’s like do you think i’d be this turned on by you if i was actually gayLots of AGPs are straight (the remainder being bisexual) and many of them have long successful marriages prior to trooning so this isn't a convincing argument at all. Also if you think he'll find you schizo for airing GC views then you already know he's a gendie, normal males are all anti-troon even if they like gender roles and only play along with troonshit to appeal to liberal women. Plus if you're scared to talk to your totally soulmate boyfriend about your views I think you don't have as deep a relationship as you are presenting here, people in deep successful relationships don't fear talking to each other about their views.
>also with prior porn usage it’d be once a daySo severe addiction. If he just 'stopped porn because he has a gf' he basically is admitting to seeing you as a porn replacement. Anyway I think your worries are reasonable but if you want to find out it might be more effective to pretend to be cool with the femboy memes and gently push him to talk more about this stuff since if you make it obvious you're unhappy with this he's likely to just try harder to hide it and lie.
No. 524547
File: 1744235164953.gif (336.64 KB, 500x375, 1738760528497401.gif)
>>523264>>523511SAMEFAG I HAVE MY FIRST DATE SOON WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO TO NOT FUCKING OVERWHELM MYSELF??!?!?!! Holy shit I could not stop nervously smiling over the phonecall we had and now while thinking about it. I already planned to possibly do something with him on Friday so this is great and I successfully swerved a "maybe you can come over and we can watch a movie or something", while making our date early enough that we might be able to "hang out" after we get something to eat or drink before I get home. I'm slightly less nervous about him picking me up from my house and my parents asking me where I'm going/ who that is when I have been an adult for years, but I know they're going to start some snooping bullshit no matter what I do. Help me not be a blushing mess nonas, you're my only hope at evolving from khhv status without making a fool of myself
No. 524647
File: 1744245220606.png (114.92 KB, 595x540, 1743785341529.png)
Nonnies please help I am tired of seeking relationships on online platforms..I want to develop one in real life naturally. How do I approach a guy I'm attracted to?? He's in one of my lecture classes.
No. 524747
>>524715Why are you doing all of that for a moid? I know you answered the question already with 'I just genuinely love him' but why do you love a nasty unappreciative scrote who doesn't act loving toward you enough to act like his simpering house slave? The real way to show love is to want the people you love to be good people and hold them to high standards, not flit around them waiting on them hand and foot while they act like little emperors.
>Do men who actually show appreciation and reciprocation actually existYes but (sorry to be harsh) they probably aren't dating women who act like you described yourself acting here. Moids who see women as equals and love them are going to seek out women who act with dignity and self-respect and are going to be naturally uncomfortable with overly mothering behavior from their girlfriends. They will appreciate the gestures you do for them because they normally do them themselves and understand how much effort they require. Your little emperor isn't appreciative of what you're doing because if he accepts it at all it means he thinks your natural role is to dote on him and act as his mommy bangmaid. I physically cringed reading your description of what you do, so any moid who actually loves/cares for you would as well.
>>524647Just find some pretext to 'casually' talk to him and start a friendship. Sit near him, look at him and offhandedly make a comment/joke if something funny or interesting in class happens, etc. It's easier to meet people irl through friends or at social events though, it's really hard to pick people up in a lecture.
No. 525004
>>524758i second this.
my bf is extremely sweet and caring but as much as i like him, i made him chase me for a little while. seeing how a man handles delayed gratification and seeing what kinds of hoops they're willing to jump through for you when their feelings are new and at their strongest are both important pieces of information to have before committing to a relationship with someone.
No. 525047
im functionally asexual and probably "aromantic" as well. i am content with having friendships and platonic affection, living for myself, being as selfish as i want to. i dont crave the nuclear family lifestyle or see it as a natural goal the way other people do. instead of dreaming of marriage and babies and my handsome future husband, i condition myself into wanting it. i know that some other people my age are also happy singles who choose to be childfree, so i dont think there is anything "wrong" with me per se. i could categorize myself as that second genre of people, however… i actually want kids one day.
i have a lot of pressure on me to have a family and kids, that i have mostly put on myself. it's an ego thing, because the bloodline dies on me, and i have a rich family history plus a lot of things to leave for the next generation. that is the selfish reason. i also kind of like kids, hanging out with them, teaching them, and i could 100% see myself in the role of a parent. so i do believe that this desire to have kids is partly genuine, no matter how i try to rationalize it.
i, however, struggle to see myself in the role of a wife. i found a 3dpd normie without sexual/emotional baggage who wants to get married and have kids, and the idea is really appealing. i don't "love" him, though. i can't say that out loud because it sounds evil. i feel like i see him as a tool, and i tell myself that this is how moids see women by default anyway.
my "happiest" relationship was with a gay-in-denial catholic moid who was in the same boat as me- wanting to have children without the burden of spousal affection. we were platonically affectionate and never expected sex from one another. however, being a gay moid he was very petty and emotionally unstable, leading to our break up.
the normie is stable and kind, but i feel like im hurting him by not being sexually attracted to him.
is there any hope for me, or am i too autistic to function?
No. 525052
>>524715You are loving a man like he is a woman. An emotionally healthy man doesn't want for you to serve him like a slave; he wants to do everything for you and make your life easier and see you thrive. He wants you to have standards and expectations of him. A man who lets you take care of him is mentally broken and incapable of love. Yes, certain types of scummy men say they want all these things, but deep down, it only makes them feel useless and worthless. They end up taking it out on you and it is never worth it. A decent moid would see all the effort you're putting in, feel guilty, and return it tenfold.
Everything you are doing you should be doing for a female friend or female family member, not your moid.
No. 525143
>>524715You're the placeholder gf he keeps around for the obvious many benefits until the woman he wants to marry comes around.
Reminder that life for men is always more comfortable with a girlfriend than it is without.
No. 525837
File: 1744392959069.jpg (162.72 KB, 1080x1440, tumblr_e6b6af80ab55b56af58411d…)
>>524547>>525295The date was for next week, not today…. but that's okay with me because I realize now I was really caught up in "this person asked me out I was chosen omg a chance to finally have sex" perverted mood. We just talked through phone for almost 40 minutes about various things, and I looked him up in his workplace's staff directory and it's confirmed he works there. The only big thing is his age which I told my parents is 2 years younger than it actually is when they demanded information, but he's my type and good looking enough for it to not matter to me, plus I asked it at the very end of when he gave his number. I realize though that I look younger than I am, so I wonder if I was asked out because I look younger or if someone actually liked how I look enough to take a chance and ask me out. I know a part of that thought is my own self consciousness and loneliness talking so whatever happens I hope I at least have a nice time with this. Thank you
nonnie, your advice helped me ground myself and think things over clearly
No. 527970
>>527928I mean he'll happily have sex or try to please me if I ask, but I'm not sure he can actually change into being a more sexual person even if he tries to. Its like it isn't on his mind.
>>527736Yeah I think you're right. I think I'll give it another 6 months.
No. 528516
File: 1744670730182.jpeg (Spoiler Image,97.84 KB, 797x750, IMG_2007.jpeg)
So my boyfriend posted this picture of himself, a clothed full body picture but in it you can clearly see the outline of his penis. It’s worth noting he has a very large one (I’m remarking on this neutrally here, it’s just a fact) and he has a LOT of followers on social media. Is this net casting? On one hand, maybe he just wants to post a nice picture of himself, because he was dressed formally but on the other it’s like the dick is a focal point. I couldn’t see why someone would post that picture specifically unless it was to fish for compliments or thirsty DMs. Tbh I’m not sure about him in general, it feels like he barely likes me or thinks of me. Am I being schizo for thinking this is casting the net?
No. 528574
File: 1744674294035.jpg (968.39 KB, 1080x1290, 4574304.jpg)
I think my only chance of finding a virgin moid who doesn't watch porn is dating a heavily Christian one. Is there any merit to them? If there is, any specific denomination I should look for? I'm an atheist but have some familial ties to orthodox Christianity. I think it would be kinda hot to have a cute mega prudish bf/husband who's completely absorbed in the religion. Theoretically, he should be loyal and loving to me. I would probably enjoy his christ sperging and I've always been interested in the aesthetics of Christianity after growing up in a very religious setting. Is there a chance he'll chimp out like any other scrote or will his faith keep him grounded? Am I being too idealistic about this type of moid?
No. 528781
>>528574You sound like you have a romanticized image of Christianity to be honest. Read the bible front to back if you haven't done so as an adult before you decide you want a guy who's deeply devoted to it.
>>528626Nah that's not entirely true, I've seen biblebelt Christians date non-Christians they met in school settings, but they expect you to convert for them. But most of these men date and marry within their church community so if anon isn't in one, she isn't that likely to find a deeply religious guy in the first place
No. 528821
>>528781NTA but biblebelt moids are kind of different (culturally and religiously) than deeply religious moids from tradreligions like Orthodox Christianity. I actually have had some overall really good experiences with deeply religious moids (not of the American biblebelt/Mormon variety, but of tradreligions like Orthodox/Catholicism) compared to other moids but it's pretty rare to find one that doesn't take the whole misogynistic Man Leads Woman Follows part too literally. Also most of the ones I know are old now and didn't grow up with porn and internet access. I also think what this nonna seems to be looking for is an ascetic monk type who happens to want a girlfriend and that type of moid is the least likely to ever date an atheist girl (or to date at all since a lot of these types are basically repressed gay moids and that's why they're so into asceticism).
>>528574That being said nonna you're probably better off just finding a younger guy from a fairly strict/traditional family who isn't hyperreligious himself if you want a virgin moid who doesn't watch porn, or a guy who's really into sports or something since guys who spend a ton of time outside, being active, and hanging out with male friend groups are significantly less likely to be coomers. But honestly as you get above the age of like 22-23 it's going to be increasingly difficult to find a virgin moid to date. There definitely are some religious moids who are serious about it but aren't super ultra trad and woman-hating but that's a really rare type of person you're unlikely to meet anywhere except maybe Church especially in some rural farming community. Most of the men I've met where I could honestly say their faith seems to keep them grounded got into religion a bit later in life often after some traumatic event or difficult life period, the ones raised in religious sperg families are more likely than not severely repressed and messed up. Also it's not a good idea to date someone with extremely serious belief systems that don't match yours, in general.
No. 529269
>>528516you're not being schizo
nonnie. my bf purposely crops his bulge out of pictures (and sends the uncropped versions to me only). if ur bf loved u he'd do the same.
No. 529308
File: 1744758547610.png (479.51 KB, 637x600, penus.png)
>>528536>>528988>>528997Here, I thought it was super obvious but I guess it's good to know I was just being a schizo.
>>529269But this also seems true, he should be doing better.
No. 529457
>>528574i think you are being to idealistic. Remember that a religious man is still a man.
Being religious doesnt mean he will be loyal or truthful. If you are an atheist id just date another atheist.
No. 529463
File: 1744804929153.jpg (10.57 KB, 275x275, thinkinghat.jprg.jpg)
I apologize in advance for what is going to be a long and confusing textpost but what do i do ? Im currently dating my boyfriend who Ive been with for about a month now. We started seeing each other about 4 months ago. My issue is that we've had multiple discussions already and im starting to become insecure about my place.
For context: I have had multiple long term relationships, some of which ended because i turned out to be the "second choice" for the man i was dating at the time. One left me for the female best friend the other told me a few months in that he has a crush on someone from his uni. My bf hasnt had really any long term relationships (longest real relationship was 5 months) only situationship because the women he was with didnt want anything serious/didnt want to call it a relationship. So he doesnt have any real experience with serious dating. Like I said the issue is weve had multiple discussions. One thing we discussed was he didnt want me at a party his classmate is throwing ( I didnt wanna go with him, im friends with another classmate of his that wanted me to be her plus 1) because he keeps "school, friends and relationships separate". And also because he used to have a situationship with a classmate of his and doesnt want rumors to get out of hand (theres currently a rumor going around about his ex not showing up to school because hes dating me)
Over the course of the discussion he told me that i could in fact come and that he may need to adjust his thinking about keeping these things separate.
I am still insecure though.
It feels like its less about keeping things separate and more about still keeping his ex in a way? He doesnt hang out with her one on one but he still texts her first thing in the morning about school when i have to wait till like 10 AM for a good morning text.
He also had a few things of hers in his apartment (clothes, pads etc) and it took me bringing it up two times for him to move her stuff to his car (he still hasn't given it to her).
I feel like if i bring it up ill be labeled as the insecure girlfriend and he'll be fed up with me but i dont know if i can just ignore it.
No. 529464
>>529463Same person
Id also like to add that im 21 and hes 24.
I think its also important to mention that they only broke it off (him and his classmate) around october and they had an abortion around may last year.
Im not judinging because Ive also had an abortion when i was 18 however i went through it alone. They went through it together, told her parents together etc. Im glad she had what i didnt but i feel like this may have created a bond in a way?
I just feel like he mights still be hung up on her, especially with how short of a timeframe hes had to dealt with it
Im very scared that I'll either always fear being the second choice or bring it up and end up getting broken up with anyway for being too insecure
No. 529472
>>529463I'm sorry anon, but if a guy is actually into you, he takes any chance he gets to show you off as his girlfriend. His reluctance to have you in the same space as his friends coupled with this -
>He doesnt hang out with her one on one but he still texts her first thing in the morning about school when i have to wait till like 10 AM for a good morning text.- probably means that he doesn't actually see you as his girlfriend, and instead is using you to make his ex jealous or just to distract himself. He clearly still has feelings for her. Dump him
No. 529489
File: 1744812945549.jpg (12.54 KB, 196x261, images.jpg)
>>529480nonna, he doesn't fucking like you. he doesn't want you to go to the party because hes probably going with her. hope this helps.
No. 529497
>>529489lmao nonna.
but then why date me in the first place and call me his girlfriend?
No. 529516
>>529463you're the only girl who he managed to get ana ctual relationship with (=easy sex) ; you're rightfully feeling insecure but you'll really be right when you leave him.
> he didnt want me at a party his classmate is throwing ( I didnt wanna go with him, im friends with another classmate of his that wanted me to be her plus 1) because he keeps "school, friends and relationships separate".that's the least convincing excuse i've ever heard. if he really was into you he'd be so happy to introduce you to everyone in his life.
No. 530007
>>529937AYRT and probably at least stop getting into "serious relationships." I think for women there's more legitimate reasons like safety reasons etc. to not immediately introduce your boyfriend to your friends and family than there is for men, who aren't likely to be scared, but if you don't intend to ever introduce him to your friends, have mutual friends, do activities together, or be public with your relationship at school/work if you go to school/work together, then you probably aren't actually serious about the relationship. I think this is something men do more often than women and it's usually because they're fucking around/spinning plates/using you as a stand-in while they look for a woman they actually like so it concerns me more when I hear about men doing it, but what is the point of a serious relationship if you keep someone locked in a strict compartment of your life and don't want them to interact with the rest of your life? I think you can still casually date like this but it's a little deceitful to make someone think you're serious about them when you have no plans to integrate them into your life.
Do you know why you do this anon? Do you also have an ex or male best friend or crush you want to keep your boyfriends away from or is there another reason?
No. 530042
File: 1744891838840.jpg (82.58 KB, 640x640, Ec-rHiXXoAAkyuP.jpg)
>>530007I think it's some kind of fear of judgement, my parents (especially my mom) are very judgemental and always made little comments about my friends, so I just stopped talking about my private life to them. If I ever introduced a partner to my mom I would never hear the end of what is wrong with them. As for not introducing a partner to friends I just don't like forcing meetings between people who have nothing in common (just like I never organized birthday parties between my different friend groups). I don't let anything of my private life leak at work for some reason, probably because coworkers =/= friends and they have no business knowing about it. I must add that I'm generally not interested in meeting their friends either, I don't like being "shown off", I'm not some kind of circus animal.
No. 532571
>>532516>RelationshipTwo people in a fully committed relationship. They call eachother boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/fiance(e). Typically monogamous.
>SituationshipTwo retards have been chatting over the internet, meet up and have sex sometimes, and text each other cutesy shit. It's just two retards scared of communication and commitment pretending to be in a relationship without using the icky words to call it that. Prone to total ghosting and also cheating that isn't really cheating because it's not a relationship.
>friends with benefitsEither between two very well-adjusted people who enjoy sex and their combined sexual charisma, or two retards wherein one is simply using the other for sex and one is secretly hoping to be picked and chosen for a real relationship. Typically too delicate of a position for it to be handled with the clear boundaries it calls for.
No. 532946
>>532516relationship is two people who have made a long term commitment to each other. refer to eachother as boyfriend/girlfriend or analogous terms.
situationship is when one party in a casual sex arrangement confuses the other by leading them on and making them think a relationship is going to blossom from the situationship. usually perpetrated by moids to extract sex and emotional labor from women. different from casual dating because in casual dating, expectations are usually laid out directly.
friends with benefits is sleeping together with no strings attached and no expectations of a relationship. an fwb arrangement can quickly turn into a situationship without proper communication.
No. 534191
File: 1745348377136.jpg (19.97 KB, 475x515, mb7o068scov41.jpg)
I've been pining after a woman for years now. When we first met it was some insane head over heels type shit, I just instantly felt this very strong connection. She was dating someone at the time so I didn't feel right to burden her with my feelings, but it's been literal years now and I've tried to move on with other relationships but they don't last and I'm still hit with such strong feelings for this person. Do I confess to her to try to move on? I don't think she would want to date me just because we don't currently live in the same city (but I would move for her if she wanted me to, I work remote). She means so much to me and I don't want her to feel like she needs to stop being around me like I'm some moid who'd hate and resent her for saying no. Idk anons I don't know why this has gone on so long, why am I stupid
No. 535169
File: 1745455220319.png (1.09 MB, 724x948, husbant.png)
>>524647 Samefag. Nonnas please help I've made contact but I'm scared to actually text him because how I text is very different from how I act and I don't want that to be the first impression he has of me, plus I don't want to build a relationship just off online interactions…How should I proceed?
I apologize, having no relationship experience when I'm over 21 years old has made me retarded.
No. 536343
When my dad first met my boyfriend, he instantly didn't like him. He's not into sports or cars, doesn't hunt and won't drink or smoke, so there's essentially nothing for them to talk about or do together. It was important to me that they at least got along, so he went out of his way make himself more likeable and valuable, which worked. The problem is, it's worked a little too well. While I love my dad, he's not exactly the best father in the world and he's widely known in our small community as the OB (Old Bastard) for good reason. Now they've gone from not speaking at all, to standing around talking about the technical specs of hydraulics, and now rebuilding old machinery together. They're spending so much time together that he's picked up a few of my dad's verbal tics and mannerisms, which has me feeling unsure. I like him the way he is and don't want him to become like the OB and every other man around. I've talked to him about it, but he doesn't see the changes in himself and finds me, suddenly telling him to stop doing what I begged him to do, frustrating. He's made commitments and feels like if he suddenly pulls back now, my dad will really hate him and I'll change my mind again.
In fairness, I have done that a couple of times with small things because I get severe decision paralysis and become indecisive, but what I do not want is him turning into my dad while trying to please me. What should I do here? Just ask him to sacrifice the good will he's built up? Am I just overreacting?
No. 541208
File: 1745996527544.jpg (19.91 KB, 536x697, 1000001683.jpg)
Just found out my boyfriend watches tranny porn. We've been together 4 years I want to kill myself
No. 541294
File: 1746020997051.jpg (15.99 KB, 342x342, joke bear.jpg)
no clue what thread to post in (if this isn't the right one i'll delete kek) but what does it mean if my ex blocks me after we broke up back in september? we don't follow each other nor have we talked at all since we broke up. i'm not upset, just confused why now after so much time has passed.
No. 542044
File: 1746114311160.jpg (635.49 KB, 982x646, 1000004647.jpg)
Is it normal to interact on social media with old love interests?
My boyfriend still interacts with posts from a woman he liked when they were both teens. It's bothered me since I noticed but I don't know how much of that is my insecurity. I also don't want to be insane and forbid him from interacting with everyone in the world, though it would be nice.
No. 542208
File: 1746130829446.jpg (6.72 KB, 224x224, 1000017200.jpg)
My bf gave me access to his email and i don't usually snoop but today my curiosity took hold and I went through his sent for some reason.
I saw that he had signed up to perform at an open mic night two years ago, but he canceled the day before his performance. I wonder if his nerves got the better of him, or if something else came up, but my heart strings twung a little at seeing this. He has an amazing sense of humor and I think if he pursued different avenues to express it, he'd be really happy. I know what it's like to have fear/circumstances get in the way of a dream- I'm struggling with the same thing right now. I haven't finished writing something in ages.
I want to suggest he try again- that maybe if I were in the audience it'd be easier to put himself out there (if that was the case, which knowing him it probably was.) But I don't want him to know i was actually snooping. And if it was a bad experience or something, I don't want to bring it up. I just want to support his dreams
No. 542257
File: 1746135591939.jpg (28.33 KB, 400x400, 1672722735898.jpg)
I feel stuck in my relationship and don't know what my next move should be. I've basically been in a relationship with the same person for over a decade. But he hasn't held a job since 6 years ago. He went back to school since then and graduated, and has been out of school for at least 2 years. He works on solo projects, but barely makes any money. The point of the solo projects is to build up a resume, yet he has barely tried applying for jobs (granted my country's job market sucks right now). I support us financially though I don't make enough for the both of us realistically. We're using my tax return to pay for his share of the rent, but after that, I don't know. Even when I've told him how shitty this is for me, he makes promises and hasn't changed/made any effort to make me believe he's changed. He's also got a gross fetish (cuck) and tries to get me involved with it and goes through phases every few months where he's totally pornsick. At this point the only thing keeping me happy is the comfort of knowing someone well and at least has good conversation/insight on things, but he sucks for everything else. I might go back to school too and thinking that might be the time to end things since I don't want to be supported someone like this my whole life. Does someone like this ever get better or continue to be parasitic?
No. 542682
>>542044I do. I think it makes sense because if you liked someone you probably have something in common or got along in some way so unless you had a falling-out or bad breakup or something I think occasionally talking to or even still being friends with former love interests is normal. Personally I still talk to a couple of moids I had crushes on in the past, am still best friends with one of them (he's in my core friend groups and bffs with my female bff, not even sure how I would avoid him if I wanted to without losing my female bff) and am still good friends with a couple of my female exes (invite them to parties, have long conversations, hang out one-on-one). My boyfriend doesn't care but he also knows I'm not going behind his back to have friendships with these people or talking about anything inappropriate with them.
I think whether it is concerning or not has more to do with the nature of the interactions. Like is he liking/making admiring comments on her photos of herself or is he just having normal conversations with her about politics or the trip she went on or something? Is he sending her good night texts or talking to her late into the night after you've gone to sleep? Are the interactions overly flirtatious? Is he ignoring you because he's interacting with her or keeping up with her on a daily basis? Is he being secretive or trying to hide the conversations from you? If yes then I would say it crosses a line but if no I probably personally wouldn't be that worried about it. Everyone's expectations about this in relationships differ though, personally I don't date moids who regularly use social media at all other than messenger type apps to talk to irl friends and I think excessive use of instagram/tiktok correlates with coomerism and most moids who regularly use insta/tiktok follow/like women's sexualized photos whether the moid is looking at women he knows or random women. At the end of the day if it's to the point where it's constantly making you anxious there's probably a reason for that.
>>542208In my experience standup comedy moids are always fucking obnoxious but you can just bring it up organically without mentioning snooping. If you brought up comedy naturally he will probably mention it to you himself.
>>542250Just try to do stuff you enjoy and hang out with your friends to keep your mind off the breakup until it starts hurting less. Usually time does that by itself as long as you don't spend too much time ruminating and reminiscing. You probably made the right choice if he was too overwhelmed by your expectations only 5 months in, unless your expectations were unreasonable (hard to tell because you don't give details in your post). Even if he's a nice person otherwise it seems like there was a mismatch between your expectations of what a relationship entails and forcing it usually breeds resentment. If you think you were acting too needy and insecure (objectively) you can just try verbalizing insecurity less in your next relationship but you shouldn't self-censor to the point of dealing with your feelings alone all the time either. It's very common for moids to do the absolute minimum in relationships and then act like their girlfriend's expectations are unreasonable so it's likely you didn't do anything wrong at all, but you'd probably need to give more details for us to tell.
No. 542716
File: 1746159165309.png (25.63 KB, 291x146, kuma.png)
>>542682Thank you nona. That's what I'm planning to do. Fortunately, I have really lovely friends who have all been supportive.
In the beginning stages of the relationship, he initiated to see me at least once per week (but often more) and would text me all throughout the day. When he said he was burnt out and wanted to do less, I was completely understanding because he was doing a lot. I asked him what "doing less" would look like so I knew what to expect, but he said he didn't know. After a few weeks, he still seemed pretty distant so I asked him if he knew whether he still wanted to be in a relationship or if he still had the capacity to be in one. And he said "I think I do" and "I want to want to be in a relationship with you" which made me feel even more insecure lol. I think if he'd just said "yes, but I need more time for myself right now" that I would have been completely okay with it. So I guess it didn't matter what he did, it was the fact that he couldn't answer that question directly that made me feel consistently anxious. And then when he'd start to do less (skip a week of hanging out or skip out on messaging me or cancel plans), I would get nervous that it would be a permanent change because I didn't know what to expect from him since he never told me what "doing less" means.
And then for the remaining months after, I don't think he gave me a straight answer to any of this so I just continued to feel worried. And then he told me (after we broke up) that the more I asked him for clarity, the more unsure he became, so it never felt resolved for him either and it made it hard for him to want to see me.
So that's the context. Sorry for the novel lol. I would love to know what I could have done differently, so that I'd know how to handle the situation better if it comes up in a future relationship.
No. 542718
>>542257Girl, it gets worse.
This was literally me 6 months ago (no job for six years, paid for his education etc, worked on projects that made no money), the love of my life, my only boyfriend, and I found out he was paying some OF girl to cuck him because I wouldn't.
6 months later, even though I am single, I am so much happier.
Remember, when you date a man at his lowest, he will drag you down with him.
No. 542869
File: 1746185474967.jpg (16.11 KB, 460x468, 1590035093947.jpg)
I have a personality disorder, and have bad periods of being very self destructive.
I'm in a relationship, and we are discussing moving together in half a year ish. I'm a bit scared that I'm just gonna crash out and burn it all to the ground.
I haven't really told him much about my issues, and he hasn't seen me at my worst yet. I'm having alot of stress at work rn so I can tell I'm entering a bad period.
Any other personality disordered nonas here that have any good advice for making this work?
Our relationship is great, he is my best friend and I want nothing more than to be with him.
I get really sad and just feel like I'll be alone forever because of my issues. I want him to understand that I can have bad periods, where I will need his support, but also not scare him away.
No. 543530
File: 1746254138186.jpeg (55.12 KB, 640x410, IMG_2957.jpeg)
How to deal with a partner who is obsessed with having sex with you? Its the best dick I’ve had but he’s horny literally every day. It’s getting overwhelming lately. All of my exes were overly horny after we finally slept together, this time around is feeling exhausting? If we don’t have sex he’s masturbating to pictures and videos of me. I should be grateful a man has eyes for me alone but the eyes are staring to bore a hole into my head.
No. 544465
>>543999In my experience, if it comes up casually, the "good" ones express (fairly normal and not over the top) disgust at the notion of porn; the bad ones casually drop jokes about their unmasked interest in porn. I've never had to bring it up myself, so unlike
>>544062 suggests, it's not even necessarily that you have to be drawing boundaries (and guys might lie to you anyway to get in your pants). If you're exhausted at the thought of dating a man though there's no reason you have to. Personally I would not choose to be in a relationship with a man who makes a promise to me like that as he already made that choice, independent of me, to begin with. A much healthier basis for a relationship.
No. 544466
>>543999honestly if you won't tolerate porn you might as well just give up on dating, I say this as a person who finds it revolting but there's just no way to control your partner and 99,99999% of moids are addicted to it
just make it even by watching / reading SMUT you like too
No. 545389
File: 1746449139514.jpg (46.62 KB, 534x534, 1000004798.jpg)
How do I accept that I will always love my partner more than they love me? This has been an issue regardless of sex and personality because no one I know does the shit I do.
I become so fixated on anyone I love. They are the centre of my world and I almost worship them. I've never met anyone in real life who is like me or has this capacity for obsessive love. Those I've dated do appreciate and enjoy what I offer and I'd say it's something that makes me valuable in a relationship, but it will never be returned.
Is anyone else a huge lover? How do you cope with giving and never receiving to the same extent? Most of the time I'm fine with it, but sometimes it makes me a bit sad.
No. 545499
>>545389You don't have to accept it, if you don't want it. You can have someone who loves you just as much or more, but if you settle for
>Those I've dated do appreciate and enjoy what I offer[…]but it will never be returned.Then of course you're going to be unsatisfied and unhappy, eternally coping like
>>545490 No. 545890
>>545718you want to share ethical values in a relationship. Imagine an environmentalist/ethical vegan trying to date an omnivore; they can't make their partner change their diet. Porn consumption is a similar thing, although not a perfect comparison (and food is necessary-to-life unlike consuming sexual content). In a LDR, it's probably weird that porn will have replaced your sexual dynamic, which whether you are for or against porn ethically, isn't necessarily the best for your relationship; maybe she'll hear you out on that front. (I think most women against porn don't object to the idea of sexual fantasy generally or even smut novels etc.– I don't– but porn is powerful in how it totally disrupts sexual interaction with other human beings).
>I'm wondering if I'm even 'allowed' toIt's very important in my view to not frame it in an autistically demanding way which in my experience doesn't really change someone's behaviour, and doesn't really encourage equal exchange. I try to look at problems in a relationship as something you solve together, not at odds with each other. Are you generally ethically minded people? Does she care about that stuff? What's your sexual dynamic like now you're away from each other? You mentioned that you've made it clear you don't like it, but does she know that this is actually really serious for you? A lot of relationship advice is grounded in either ultimatums or being a complete doormat, and neither are really good approaches. Remember that she's in a relationship with you too, and will hopefully care to hear you out.
For a milder comparison, but with the same sort of - convenience and invisibility? - I have passionate objections to using the Chrome web browser, which to a lot of people reads about as stupid as objecting to porn, but until I framed the issue this way with my partner, not just autistic objections and complaining and moaning, did he start using Firefox, which was also important for being able to put my stuff on his computer and then he needed it for work anyway
vindication.
No. 546433
>>546340so, saying this because I've seen women drive themselves crazy and waste years of their lives only to end up dumped trying to fix such men…you mostly can't. that's because this behavior is usually due to lacking the ability to be a dyadic partner and basic respect for you and your time, with rare exception.
also I've talked to a guy as a friend for over 10 years and not once has he behaved that way when either of us brought up issues…and that's just a friendship. in a relationship the behavior you're talking about is even more damaging because this is the person you're looking to tie huge parts of your life around and he can't even deal with minor issues? if you insist on dating such guys you should at least understand it's a casual relationship masquerading as a serious one.
No. 547072
>>544466I broke up this year because my boyfriend was 1000% addicted to porn. I don't mind him watching it, just that it affects his actual performance, but he'd want sex everyday. If I said no, he'd get all pissy and upset. His bad performance must be that so called death grip. He also would hide his porn or fetishes as if it were classified information. And his lotion bottle that would decrease by large amounts every week.
Porn addiction is pretty crappy as far as I can see right now. I have a hikkikomori-like friend who constantly whines about wanting a "big tiddy goth girlfriend". Meanwhile having goon sessions and never getting out the house. Once in a while when I call him, he says some weird shit and I call him out on it. My own brother has weird ass ideas of women based off of shit he's watched. I'm pretty sure it rots the brains of moids in general
No. 548684
>>546340Dealing with my bf's issues around this lately and yeah I agree, it's pretty unfixable depending on the person. They know they're doing it though, but avoid the confrontation.
Most men I've met never want to be wrong in any way, and if you even imply it, they take it as a direct attack on their intelligence. I remember growing up with self esteem issues and always taking things personally, and even I'm appalled at how bad it is coming from a lot of men. I think in my case, my bf is/was attracted to an idea of me, didnt like that I have human emotions and human problems, so any mild back and forth results in him comparing how I feel now to that idea he - and ONLY he - had in his mind. Realized some of that through comments other friends made. I think if you can have meaningful conversations outside of confrontational moments, it's kindof salvageable. Like, if you can confront him about something, get a lackluster verbal response, but he actually stops doing whatever the problem was, there's at least an attempt in their own man-way to not make it worse. Whether that actually fixes anything is a different story.
Some try harder than others, obviously if they're just having a meltdown over it, cannot for the life of them apologize, or turn around and trash you for even wanting an explanation, they should stay single forever. Ironically the only person I ever met who said her bf "never had issues" like that was a massive bitch dating a stoner who barely fucking talked kek.
No. 548784
File: 1746822925391.jpg (48.61 KB, 2340x1080, Screenshot_20250112_124538_VLC…)
I am dealing with a difficult situation. Last year I started seeing my off-and-on online male friend irl. We went on dates, hugged, kissed. But he was just a bit distant, I initiated most dates, calls, most verbal and physical affection. After a few months he told me we are incompatible because I am not taking care of my appearance well enough (he was bothered because I do not have straight teeth). After that we stopped talking for a bit, but I gave him another chance, and he broke up with me after two weeks. Months later, he sends me hundreds of e-mails saying he loves me, making dozens accounts, he has been on it for like two months at this point (keep in mind we are almost 30). When we were in person he NEVER said he loves me, only in e-mails after breaking up with me. Obviously, I do not want anything to do with him.
But I started to like his friend/our friend instead, we hang out and chat on the phone about our shared interest a lot. He learned of this and it made him even more upset. What do I do, I want to be ethical but I do like his friend, and he likes me too.
No. 548789
>>548788be so srs
nonnie…
No. 548806
>>548789ayrt, I do believe that you should just ignore the loser and go for the guy you like, the first guy already showed that he doesn't respect you so why should you respect him?
And if you do decide to pursue the guy, make sure that he isn't the "bros before hoes" type of guy so he doesn't try to hurt you or something to get back at you for dumping his friend.
No. 548945
>>546340My boyfriend of 7 months and I have had 2 conflicts and he's pretty good at indicating when we need to pause and he admits he's done something wrong to make me feel or act a certain way and says he'll work hard on not letting it happen again and ensure I'm satisfied. Things are currently difficult bc we're temporarily long distance, but since the last conflict, things have been going well. He also suggested I just autistically ask confrontational things even if it doesn't feel like the "right time" and it's helped me feel more open with him.
I've dated men before who totally shut down, get defensive, and you feel like you're talking to a wall / broken record. The amount of mental breakdowns I have had with these men is atrocious… during our breakups, I mentally tore down these men for days and called out every single thing wrong with how they handle conflict. Last I checked, all the men I have previously dated haven't been in a relationship another woman since, and my oldest breakup was 4 years ago.
It's truly a breath of fresh air with my current bf. Here's to hoping you find an emotionally stable and available man in your life and he wants to pursue a future with you.
No. 549122
>>548784Honestly, given the negging you and criticizing your appearance, but also lovebombing and wanting you when he cant have you and trying to keep you for himself then getting
triggered when you have another man in your life, this just sound like textbook narc moid neuroticism. Steer very clear.
No. 549847
>>549844I mainly feel this way around family and friends. I'm not dating or attempting to date right now. sorry, I thought this thread was for any type of relationship.
it bothers me in the way where I definitely feel how some friends I have are very interested in me, and I'm just not the same way in them. I wish I could reciprocate, but I can't fake my interest no matter how hard I try. when I'm actually interested in something, it's just so palpable to people that they always comment on it.
I have more interest in my family, but they don't open up to me. on this aspect, it's pretty mutual and dynamic based, so I've accepted this from them.
i was a bit of a loner as a kid, cause I wasn't really interested in what other kids were doing. I think I'm grappling with the realization that we grew up and I'm still not interested in what they're doing. but it feels lonelier now
No. 549904
hello nonnas, I'd like some support on the situation I'm currently in
I'm a two-year serious relationship with a guy my age (we're both 21) but I'm not attracted to him at all, the only good thing about him is that he can understand my autism pretty well and he actively wants to buy me anything and everything I want
I'm still with him because I can't deny that I'm pretty fond of him and he has money. I'm not sure if I can call it love, I don't know what it really is like to love someone
Anyway, because I'm not physically attracted to him, we rarely have sex, and when we do, it's forced like 99% of the time and I indulge mainly because I can see he's starting to seriously get affected by the lack of sex
I do think it's a good thing for me to stay in this relationship because he's already secured a well-paying job while we're still students and he's genuienly in love with me, like he's obsessed with me to the point where if I'm mad at him, he'll pretty much beg for me to forgive him
Point being : I know I can keep going with this whole thing, but I'm asking for advice as in how to force myself better to have sex with him ? Surely I'm not the only one in a "transacitional rleationship" (hate calling it that but there's no denying it's that) so someone here must have some kind of advice for me, right ?
No. 549916
>>549904There is no advice here. You told us you
>don’t find him attractive>see sex with him as a chore>find him annoyingThis is what transactional relationships mean. You close your eyes and endure for the bag. There is no way to sugarcoating it kek. If you want to be in a relationship you have to realize that you won’t ever feel that sort of “love”, at most you’ll feel contempt.
No. 549929
>>549916Yeah I know. I know that if I'm staying in this relationship I'm set to live with a constant feeling of emptiness or whatever, but hey, at least I'll have money (and a boyfriend, because I'm not really attractive)
The advice I'm looking for is mainly from other women in this situation, I know it's not healthy but it's what I want
>>549917This whole lifestyle of cheating and having sex with anyone I find hot isn't for me, I'm strictly into serious relationships; either way, even if I'm not happy in my current relationship, I'm not a bitch who'll cheat on her boyfriend
>>549920It really isn't, I genuienly don't know how to prove to you that what I'm saying is very real and I'm actually looking for advice. Maybe it's the phrasing (english isn't my naitve language) or you might be older than me which would be why what I'm saying sounds made up to you
No. 549942
>>549904I've been in a similar situation as you nona. My suggestion to you is that it might seem okay now because you're having stuff paid for and you're not completely alone because you have 'someone' to talk to/do stuff with (even if you aren't attracted to them), eventually, slowly, the ick will catch up to you. First it'll be their smell disgusts you (like, to the point you want to puke right away), then it'll be little physical attributes about them you'll notice in other that you'll instantly think makes them (and anyone who has them) ugly as fuck, then you'll literally start getting seriously physically ill every single time you hear their name/see them/think about them. We're talking like not just puking but like straight up flu/fever stuff.
Point being, you're running on time. You only have so long before it happens. Might not be any time soon (for me it was years), but it WILL happen. You can't force yourself into having sex with someone you don't like and brainwash yourself into enjoying it, it doesn't work. You have to consciously accept that you are an emotional prostitute (considering the relationship is clearly transactional) and take mental strides into protecting your mental health or you'll end up having to drink/do drugs/escape in some form, to deal with you forcing yourself into it every time. I really suggest breaking up with them and finding someone you're actually attracted to, autism or not, it will slowly fuck you up and you'll look back and cringe with regret for the waste of time for stupid shit like having stuff paid for (when you can easily find someone you LIKE pay stuff for you, even if you are 'ugly' as you say). I promise you you can find someone who will do all the things he does and you're actually attracted to them.
No. 549997
>>549942Thank you so much for taking the time to reply!
I took what you said very seriously, if it's okay, may I ask you how long it took you to find another suitable man (or woman) ? Because, as I'm getting older, it's getting harder and harder to meet new people. I've got two years until my studies are finished. Considering I want to work in biology, there are few men in this path, this is mainly a woman's path of career, making it even harder to meet new men.
I fully trust you when you say I will meet someone I like AND who will pay for my shit but I think I'll have a very hard time
>>549948Yeah I guess asking this on the most (and the only) feminist website on the internet isn't the best place
In a way, I think it's a good thing most of you nonnas are shutting me down as it sounds pretty fucking stupid
>>549958Wtf do you want to me to say ? Like, you said it once, what's the point of saying it a second time ?
No. 550196
>>549997I'm older than you (mid/late 30s), and I have 0 issues meeting new people. I think it depends on your hobbies and lifestyle tbh, unsure what your hobbies are. I met my now fiancé about 6~ years ago and funny enough we are both in biology as well (I'm in genetics, he's in virology, however we didn't meet through work or anything like that). I'm not sure what in bio you're in but there a LOT of men in my field.
My situation happened when I was in my early 20s back when I was still in uni, and at first I DID like him (or so I thought), however it went downhill quickly and I had tried to break up with him several times over the years (he constantly guilt tripped me/manipulated me into staying even though I had 0 attraction to him by this point). Once we fully broke up, I casually dated a few guys before I finally met my fiancé. I'm SO happy I dropped that guy forever ago because even the casual dates I went through were ten times better than that entire relationship (and not because he was
toxic or anything, just because at least there was some level of attraction to my casual relationships). I know you say you're ugly etc, but I promise you there are men out there who will do everything your guy is doing now but better. It's not worth forcing yourself to sleep with someone you don't like for those other 'benefits'. Besides, I know we all say fuck moids etc here but don't you think he deserves someone who actually finds him attractive/wants to sleep with him? Don't you think YOU deserve someone you're wildly passionate about and want to constantly touch/be around? You're really only doing yourself a disservice.
No. 551798
>>550196You're in biology too ?! What a small world ! Is it okay if Iask you how long it took before you found a job ? As I'm getting farther in my studies, I'm only told now that getting a job in any kind of biology-related field is hard and mostly depends on networking
Now about what you said, I agree that staying with a man I'm not really attracted is heartless for me AND for him and overall is just bad
One last question before I seriously consider leaving him, do you think I can manage to finally be attracted to him if I can chaneg his appearance ? He's been going to the gym for the last 3 three months and I noticed some positive changes (his back got bigger which I like a lot)
I can get him to do anything for me (apart from dying his hair) so if changing his entire appearance is a plausible alternative to leaving him, I'd rather do that
>>551409Yeah okay it sounded a lot like pixyteri when I said that but hear me out : yes I am 21 years old, yes I'm a student but I'm almost done with my studies
>people your age are dating casuallyThat's correct, except that almost EVERYONE my age date casually while I only want a serious relationship
I know i'm being a picky bitch and I apologize, but the whole "casual everything" lifestyle isn't for me
No. 551820
>>551798I got a job in the middle of uni doing lab work and it was very quick. The pay was meh but I didn't care since I was green and had nothing really. It wasn't a fun or exciting job, it was related to seedlings/agronomy but you take what you can get. Anyone giving you that advice is semi bullshitting. Any and ALL jobs, regardless of your career choice (especially right now) depends on your networking. But it doesn't mean you can't get one at all or that it's hard, just that it takes about 6~ months or more of applying rather than like 1-2~. But again it really depends on your field as well.
As for your relationship, no getting him to change his appearance won't do much. If you 100% know in your heart that's the ONLY thing holding you back (like you are absolutely in love with him but just find him sexually unappealing) then maybe? But it really doesn't sound like that from what you described. I look back on my own situation and even when he tried to work out to get more muscular, nothing changed, if anything I always felt like his attempts were pathetic and gross (I am pretty fit and go to the gym very regularly, and he eats like shit and is like severely underweight, like all bones) since to me ultimately my non attraction to him wasn't just physical, it was everything. And by the end of it I pavlov'd my way into hating everything he liked, to this day. I can't listen to his style of music, I can't be around his kind of friends, without viscerally gagging and getting angry inside.
>That's correct, except that almost EVERYONE my age date casually while I only want a serious relationshipGirl, wake up. You are in a casual relationship. You might be in a
monogamous relationship but how can you call what you have a serious relationship? You don't find him sexually attractive. This is the BEST time to meet people because casually dating can become serious relationships over time. You're missing out on so much fun, learning and growing, at some of the best times of your life, for this. When you get older, people will start pressuring you into marriage/more serious dating things quickly, and bad actors by this point usually learn how to hide their toxicity better. I think you have the wrong idea of what 'casual' means. I was casual friends with my fiance for years before we started dating, and I'm so glad that we had that slowburn because that's the healthy way to do relationships in my opinion, it's how to learn they're a good person 0 pressure, how you have proper time to vet them, and you get to see them in their natural self. Rushing in to 'non casual relationships' is a good way to realize you don't like the person down the road, or that you didn't know some [minor thing] about them would be a big dealbreaker to you, etc.
No. 553491
File: 1747267462038.gif (2.84 MB, 498x398, mia-goth-pearl.gif)
i'm 33 and got dumped after 4 years because he has a personality disorder (guess which one) that makes him see things as all of nothing and is stubborn and rigid and perfectionistic.
as a result, he's struggling to juggle a high emotional situation (romantic relationship) with his current life challenges and needs to focus on his current goal (stabilising in a new country) because he feels like it's a matter of life and death. He feels like if he fails it's over.
anyway, after 6 months i'm still not over it.
i basically lost my best friend and "soulmate" (whatever that means), my whole future plans are cancelled, my trust in men is dead, every other men are so boring compared to him anyway.
i hope you you other nonas have a better life
No. 553890
>>550048Honestly nonna this probably isn't what you want to hear but if your bf is still closely emotionally involved with a female friend/ex who is clearly still in love with him it may be time to cut your losses. I say this as someone who has been on the other side of this (I dated a bunch of other people while my ex, who was also my best friend, was still clearly madly in love with me and everyone except me noticed, for 10 years, and we're back together and basically married now). I never cheated on anyone with him or anything like that and we only got together again once we were both thoroughly single for a long time but if there's any chance this is two-sided you might be dealing with a person in denial. I think it depends though, does it seem like he reciprocates her feelings or wants to spend lots of time with her/be close to her? It's also possible to hang around someone you have past romantic history with and for it to not mean anything, but your anxiety tells me that maybe he still acts uncomfortably close to her or isn't completely over her. If he acts completely over her and she's the only one pining, you're probably okay, but considering you are constantly uncomfortable you're probably picking up on something. It's okay to ask him to distance himself from her somewhat if her being clearly into him makes you feel uncomfortable, worst case he'll just say no and you'll know where you stand.
I'm not suggesting he's cheating or anything (when I was in this situation I really felt like I would never get back together with my ex and thought people talking about it were crazy) but if he isn't drifting away from this female friend with time and she's always hanging around him it's okay to just cut your losses and decide you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's always hanging around his ex. I had people break up with me over this and I understand them and don't have any hard feelings since I proved them right years later. I think you have to carefully observe him and trust your judgment here. If he doesn't notice her romantic attention and it looks purely one-sided, your relationship will probably be fine but it's fair to ask him to distance himself from her somewhat if she looks at him like she's still in love with him. If he resists that, you might be a lower priority to him. If she's flirting and acting googly eyed and he's not discouraging it at all, you'd be completely right to dump him over this. If it's just her looking at him weirdly while he acts like she's a pal he might be truly over her, but the issue is still whether you can handle him being that close with an ex and it sounds like it's unacceptable to you, which is understandable.
No. 554270
I feel horrible, I fucked up so bad. I mistakenly did something that hurt my girlfriend. I've fucked up before obviously, but this one time feels really bad. I went to a casual event where people shared stories and doodled and this time the prompt was surreal dating experiences, and I've honestly never had bad dates, and I've only dated my girlfriend so I talked about our first date and how it was kind of unconventional because she got very vulnerable with me and revealed some personal things and how when I was on that date all I could think about was that I never wanted to hurt her and protect her. But the drawing I made for this was lighthearted, even jokey, and now I'm realizing how mean-spirited that is, to make light of the very real things she went through and the helplessness she felt at that time to seek a stranger for comfort and I just feel so bad I just did that to her. I didn't do this behind her back, I sent her a picture of the drawing and also what I said and that was when I realized I've done such a cruel thing. For what? A bunch of random people I don't care about? I hurt my partner who has been nothing but loving to me, who takes all my issues seriously. I genuinely feel so horrible, she's hurt by it, I don't know what else I can do but sincerely apologize. I don't know how I fucked up this bad. I don't know what to say to her or how to make it better.
No. 554341
>>553491>>554280Please nona, I know you feel so in love and like it's the end of the world because he's the only one that 'got' you, and everyone else sucks/is boring or whatever, but don't get back with him. He's shown you that you are not (and probably never) going to be his priority. If you get back with him, all you'll be showing him is that you're ok with him treating you like shit and dumping you like that, and he will only treat you worse. Trust me I know these are just words on the internet and probably have 0 impact on you considering you're probably deeply hurting, but you are worthy of someone truly loving you and prioritizing you above everything else. Men with BPD are extremely
toxic and require more therapy and healing than women and their healing journey is a lot longer because they don't have personal insight or care as much about interpersonal relationships. Love yourself.
No. 554986
File: 1747380783024.jpg (78.85 KB, 680x1024, depositphotos_42697069-stock-p…)
At 25 just got into my first relationship and this is hell I literally find the moid a 10/10 . Cause although he has a gut, dicklet, greasy etc he has a really cute face to me and I like pasty nerdy guys. I tried wearing makeup all the time with him, paying for when I can 50/50 even though he is wealthier, doing his chores,giving his unwashed dicklet ahh sex whenever he wants (he literally rewears old laundry, barely see him shower and has always oily dandruff hair) mofo couldn't even spit to help the experience be less dry. And before you guys call me a troll for being such a pick me, like I said I see/saw him as perfect and I am naturally a pushover pickme irl if I like someone since in my mind they deserve it.
Regardless the issue is that I could tell he doesn't like me as much as I do for him. I am diagnosed tistic and even I could tell it. I confronted him about it and he was like well I like your appearance but you are not a 10 you aren't like Scarlett Johansson. Which she is heavier than me and he told me he would like me more if I lost weight whichh doesn't makes sense, also doesn't make sense that he would pursue me since I don't have hooded eyes like her or a big jaw/mouth etc. Also before he had bitched about me not liking stuff he likes which he knew before entering the relationship.
Is there anyway to find a moid who likes you as much as you like him? Reddit literally thinks this is normal behaviour for them to use us like this just cause they are desperate. Is my standard of finding a guy who likes me as much as I like him that high ?
Again not a troll and writing this after a night of drinking cause fml so sorry for the shit writting(integrate)
No. 555050
>>554986>50/50 I stopped right there, don't do that. 50/50 is a retarded concept pushed by reddit moids, its etiquette that men pay and the only people who throw a huge fit over it are not guys you wanna date.
You can get a guy whose into you easily you just have to filter for it. A guy who is very into you will have no problem paying or putting forward effort to be with you, guys will basically do anything to be with a woman they really want. If you start making a lot of concessions for him, like allowing him to pay 50/50 or always driving to him, you lower the filter and start letting in guys who figure it's not a bad deal to buy himself a meal and also sleep with a woman he's lukewarm about. You're able to sleep with a 10/10 but being a doormat isn't going to make him more into you, it just doesn't work that way. Hold him to higher standards and if he doesn't reach them, pull back, and if he doesn't follow he is not into you.
No. 555078
>>554986It's not high, men have no idea how to be even slightly appealing to women. Not like much has changed in that aspect historically, it's just that whereas women didn't have a choice in choosing their husband 90% of the time for the majority of history, most women in modern societies have a choice now and men can't deal with that and don't know how to act.
A) dump that useless moid ASAP. It's never – never ever ever – worth being in a relationship with a man who you love more than he does you, because in general, relationships are a net loss for women. Why would you try so hard to stay in a relationship emotionally when you have to do all the other shit he isn't expected to do? At least guarantee yourself the fact that he won't just up and leave when you do the smallest thing he doesn't like.
B) more effort on your part =/= more effort on his. If he doesn't actually want you (which doesn't mean you're worthless, it just means he feels entitled to an even higher standard of… everything) he will not change EVEN if he sees you're trying. Moids don't fucking work like that. They just look at your effort and think "Huh, she seems to be super worried about impressing me, I can really milk this and guilt her into doing even more".
I hope you find a guy that sees your worth and treats you right. Because this guy sure ain't it. Really like
>>555036 said, it's a numbers game, you have to sift through your options until you get one you can see yourself staying with.
No. 555095
>>555050Truth. The higher your standards, the more you filter out lazy selfish men who just want an easy fuck or a free bangmaid. A lot of women think that they can get a man to love her by doing more for him, but that only attracts men who want to use you. The less time you spend dating these losers, the faster you can find a man who will actually love and respect you.
>>555084Alright, maybe it's not "easy" (it took me years after all), but it makes it easier than if you spend years kissing frogs.
No. 555811
File: 1747468025839.jpg (26.26 KB, 736x694, b445a41d911667723cb47669b798e3…)
I'm currently talking to this moid who's very thoughtful and sweet with a surprisingly high amount of empathy for a man, nerdy and smart yet takes very good care of his physical appearance. He gives off adorably pathetic loser vibes and practically worships me like I'm the prettiest woman he's ever known, he considers me way above his league and would do anything I tell him to do without argument which is the way it should be if I'm going to be dating a man
But each time I look through his following on Instagram I get the biggest ick ever and I'm not sure how to really go about bringing it up about it since we're still just talking. He follows a small handful of cosplayers who post soft porn content clearly pandered towards gooners but he has never liked any of their posts ever since we started talking. It still really disgusts me tho.
No. 555859
File: 1747475469498.jpg (446.24 KB, 600x788, wheres-my-dick-cb35f332b8.jpg)
My libido has died since I've been official with my Nigel. I think there's a few big circumstances working against us (LDR mainly) but I used to a be feral single girl, my friends used to call me Samantha Jones, and I was literally always horny. But since being with him I feel so… tame? I like the sex we have but it's not the best of my life and while he is my type in a lot of ways (big tall strong) I would be lying if I said he was the hottest man I've been with. Maybe this is me feeling safe for the first time, and all the energy I was putting into sexually performing can now go elsewhere? I'm visiting him in a few weeks and hopefully once we have some proper alone time in a nice hotel I can make a bit more sense of how I feel about him sexually.
No. 555860
File: 1747476436489.jpg (131.75 KB, 951x1280, dexifsjpAoUONywXz.jpg)
Nonnas please reassure me. I've always heard that when you're in a bad relationship, you get health issues and you get uglier, but it gets better once you're finally out. (Not talking about trauma/psychological damage here, only physical health and appearance.) It made sense to me because bad relationships are often synonymous with tons of stress, lack of sleep, shitty diet or eating to cope, low self-esteem etc. Then yesterday I came across this while scrolling on insta. In the comments, hundreds of women discuss how they started getting health problems (some serious) after the relationship and it took years to repair. Wtf? Do we really need to be punished twice? But I'm surprised I didn't hear this take before. What's your experience?
No. 555876
File: 1747480500491.jpg (19.09 KB, 500x375, ec78f62395684a69055d7a0a55e625…)
>>555811>man is given a woman way above his league>still consumes erotica/pornyep that's males for you
No. 555893
File: 1747484791738.jpg (50.99 KB, 736x736, 53eca1ce0d98db7f3ca80fe29d16e2…)
Hi nonnies, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now and I really need some help. I was sleeping over at his house the other day and I was playing geoguesser on his phone when I went to switch apps, in the most recent apps I found a super old conversation (+2 years old) with his ex where they were speaking romantically, I obviously argued with him because what was he doing going through that? He kept saying that he didnt click anything as he was with me the whole time and did not even know that the chat was there, he said that he must have 'butt-dialed' the spotlight search as one of the words of the chat was on the spotlight recent searches. We are not speaking at the moment because I told him I needed some time to think. Nonnies what should I do? I really love him and he is so nice to me, its just that something feels off. To be honest, the way that he talks about his ex sometimes makes me believe that he is not really over it even though he reassures me that its been a long time and he doesnt even think about her anymore.
What should I do nonnies? If any of you could give me some advice plus a hug I would greatly appreciate it!!
No. 555903
>>555893Is her number blocked?
You could try asking him to delete all his conversations with her and see how he reacts. If he responds defensively, I think that's a clear answer. If he's chill about it and immediately complies while you're watching it's probably okay.
No. 555910
>>555895>I dealt with intense gut issues, sleep issues, and skin issues that came out of nowhere while I was with himLiterally me right now… I hope it'll all go away when I find the strength to leave or he does. I'm glad you're much better and thank you for sharing your experience nonna.
>>555905If she's blocked, how could he have opened their conversation by mistake? Or is this a thing? I'm not really on social media
No. 555962
>>555860maybe they are referring to mental ones? i was an anorexic alcoholic and got grey hairs when i was in a very
abusive situationship, now i'm in a pretty stable relationship and i think i glow and look healthy, don't drink or restrict anymore, but mentally i'm a raging retard whenever i remember what happened to me, when i used to be pretty calm and apathetic even