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File: 1743026157638.webp (94.77 KB, 524x810, cacupid.png)

No. 513787

previous thread: >>>/g/447876

No. 514708

I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 35, I've been with him for almost a year now. He's a salaryman with a cat and a nice flat in the city. He's funny, patient, and sex is 50/50 (sometimes can't finish/goes limp). He's also immature, indecisive, and I caught him with incest/dog porn about 6 months in. He says he's stopped but the lack of trust is still there.

Now a guy I dated a year and a bit ago has come out of the woodwork to DM me. He's my age, son of millionaires, travels a fair bit, and personality-wise he's confident, well-educated, and cultured. However he can also be crass, arrogant, and he's got rich boy issues (went to some Hogwarts school where his caretakers abused him, for some reason now hates himself and Chinese people, black people).

Is it worth leaving my safe salaryman option for the second one? I really do love the first guy but there still is a degree of mistrust aftet the porn thing, and he's invited his ex to stay over in the guest room whilst I've been away, and he went to a hostess bar when I asked him not to. He just seems stubborn to accomodate simple requests. However option 2 is definitely more risky; he's rich so he has high standards (I'll have to get real good at jim and make-up), he's arrogant and racist (told me his tragic backstory today, feels like "I can fix him"). Sorry for the longpost I just cant think of how to shorten it(bait)

No. 514711

File: 1743100125793.jpg (7.44 KB, 250x250, qtptj.jpg)


No. 514712

>>514708
are you serious right now? incest and dog porn and obviously cheating on you? spend some time on your own girl

No. 514744

>>514708
Really great post all around. I have to say my favorite part is your use of the term "salaryman" and my second favorite part is the way you spelled gym as "jim."

No. 514821

>>514708
What compels people to write and post fictions like this on a basketweaving form with like 15 users max

No. 514969

>>514744
I didn’t want to be specific and yes, I try and be funny

>>514711
>>514821
I’m sorry but it’s true

No. 514977

>>514969
Leave the country

No. 515338

>>514821
It made me laugh for one (feels like every other 'extremely true, this is real advice-seeking' post whenever I've made the mistake of browsing FDS)

No. 515540

>>515338
What joy do I get out of having people go "this is bait"? None. Do you think it's bait because I'm acting retarded or bait because the story is just unbelieveable?

No. 515559

>>515540
nta but both, personally

No. 515779

>>515540
>people never lie on the internet

No. 515801

>>515540
It was the
>safe salaryman option
>who also is into incest and bestiality
>but i asked him to stop being a dogfucker so it's ok now!
for me. But there's so many other good details to choose from, like
>going to hostess bars
>inviting his ex to stay over when I'm away
>jim and make-up.

No. 515823

File: 1743203111295.gif (1.2 MB, 200x160, IMG_4167.gif)

>bippies and other manics posting their poor choices and trauma bonding to scrotes who only want them as a human flesh light
>hippies and other manics also posting fake stories to get attention like it’s reddit
This is where the real milk is and you know it kek

No. 515882

How does one get over the fact they they missed out on puppy love in school. I later learned my childhood crush liked me back big time but never said anything. I'm still not over his cowardice and silence. I hate that my only relationships will be with males who have been imprinted on by other women, secondhand leftovers. I'm so pure and they're so filthy. I'll never taste skin that's not rough with coarse hairs waiting to peek through right under the surface. I'll never be the first of someone who's not an autistic retard with developmental delays. All men my age (20) have already experienced many whores and countless pornhub goon sessions. I know this is a schizo ramble but I'm really going through it. I know 20 is young but for a male that's the age they turn into jaded old hookers. Their balls are saggy sacks of shit dangling between their knees by now. I don't know where to meet cutie patooties younger than me. Fuck my life man

No. 515888

>>515882
about to turn 21 btw so their balls are turning necrotic by the second. Like the two brownest raisins in the world

No. 515903

>>515882
the past is the past and the present is the glorious sexy fun present. if you like sex, love, relationships, and fun, then the skin that you're tasting in the present moment is what will make you happy. self-conscious and shallow preoccupation with what other people have done that you haven't or how you measure up to others is how you end up caring about the wrong things.
yes, a lot of men are monsters and disgusting. but there are people out there who are cool and fun and interesting in ways you never could have imagined, and you should do your best to never settle for someone who grosses you out just because your imagination is too limited to picture someone worthwhile. I think the reason that there is a weirdly high number of posts on this board by self-described manhaters who somehow end up dating 4channers who are the absolute scum of humanity is because, by telling yourself "all men my age have experienced many whores and goon to pornhub," you're actually psyopping yourself into settling for a loser by deciding that losers are the only option.
also. remind yourself that if you had the perfect puppy love experience and then broke up, you wouldn't be saying "ah well, at least I experienced that once." you'd be like, fuck, I miss when I was in a perfect relationship. the past will never be a substitute for the present!

No. 515914

>>515882
This sounds almost exactly like moid logic and I think you've internalized way too much moid logic/redpill propaganda if this post is even serious. Being preoccupied with men being 'ruined' or 'tainted' by other women is not normal or healthy (men being tainted by being porn addled coomers is a legitimate concern but everyone at every age deals with it, they start watching that shit at like age 8-12 so this was always going to be a problem no matter what), and also at age 20-21 it's still normal for everyone, male and female, to be virgins. Many people that age have never even dated casually let alone seriously before.

>All men my age (20) have already experienced many whores

Lol this has to be a joke. Moids do age worse than women but they hit their physical prime in their twenties, so your post comes off a bit pedophilic and sounds like the shit MRA moids say about women/girls (that girls are 'at their best' barely after hitting puberty). It kind of sounds like you've internalized messages about girls being worthless after age 16 and turned that fixation on men instead of freeing yourself from the ridiculous idea that the best time for sex and relationships is before sexual maturity. The shit about hairlessness sounds straight out of Nabokov (the other book, not Lolita but the version where she's like 9).

>I later learned my childhood crush liked me back big time but never said anything.

What's stopping you from trying to rekindle the relationship now if you still like him? If you don't, clearly you didn't miss out on anything. You can still have 'puppy love' at your current age no problem.

>>515903
>by telling yourself "all men my age have experienced many whores and goon to pornhub," you're actually psyopping yourself into settling for a loser by deciding that losers are the only option.
This is exactly what it is and whenever I read posts like this it feels like MRA/redpill incel ideology has won the culture war.

No. 515919

If you found a conversation on your husband/wife's computer of them talking to their ex (when they said they cut them off) while you were together, what is the expiration date on when you'd confront them?

I snooped and found a chat with their ex who they claimed they cut off when we started dating. The chat said stuff like "I'm on webcam with my gf I can't reply right now she will see", "oh you want to come over? It will have to be later because I'm on webcam with gf", "you will have to leave your cat at home and go back in the morning".
Then talks about a different chat platform where they must have talked also. From the chat she didn't come over, but she also asked if she could come over the next day.
"Stop trying to get me to leave my gf" etc

My partner really gaslit me over this chick, claiming no contact with her. Now I've found proof that there was.

But it was nearly 4 years ago and we have lived a lifetime from then with personal stuff, am I just being nuts to want some sort of answer of if she came over??

No. 515941

>>515919
I don’t get why you should give him the grace of time when he didn’t give you an ounce of honesty and spat on your relationship while making a fool of you? You talk when you want to, he isn’t the one who was betrayed.
It would bother me if my partner cheated on me, yesterday, tomorrow or 10 years ago, it doesn’t change. Actually the fact that he played in your face all this time should make you more pissed off.

No. 515946

>>515919
This is obvious cheating anon. It is never too late to call your spouse out for being a cheater. I don't understand if you found the conversations 4 years ago and never confronted 'them' (? is this a man or woman that would also help) or if you just found the chats now but feel like it's been too long since the cheating to confront your spouse but you should. This will just continue to fester. Of course there is no time limit after which you should just become okay with being cheated on.

No. 515950

>>515903
I fucking hate the rhetoric that only men can desire younger, better looking partners and we should just go through a humbling transformation where we learn to settle with what we have at hand. There is no "glorious sexy fun" present. I fucking hate sex. All I ever wanted was to hold hands with someone I loved. Nothing more, no smegma stick sucking, no nothing. You will not gaslight me about what I see with my own two eyes- all men my age are balls of butter dunked in shed pubes. Call me a brainwashed Nabokov pervert all you want, I can see. And no I'm not into 18 year olds either, they look too childish. The mythical "sexual peak 20 something male" doesn't exist in real life outside of fashion runways. They go straight from one type of ugly to another. I guess it's impossible for a woman who is attractive or a woman who gets male attention to understand the pain of looking good for once years ago and still not managing to find love. You can't just make up for it when you're a total ""femcel"" with no game. Its a selfish pain, it's not about him its about me. My 21st bday is weeks away and I have nothing to show for it in the terms of love - nothing ever gets better. And no I don't interact with discord 4channers, I never have in my life. All normie men goon and fuck whores even if they don't tell you about it. I'm glad you never met dads taking their sons to fuck whores for their 13th birthday present but your naivete is exhausting. I missed my one chance at something pure and you're attacking my character about it. The only point I agree with was how upsetting it would be to break up. The "culture war" has already ended by the way, women are getting kidnapped by masked police officers and tossed into unmarked vans in broad daylight. I'm not even american but it's clear as day you -we?- lost.

No. 515952

>>515946
I found it 3 days ago, when I snooped. I had found a message from her 3 years ago when I moved in that was recent but he fluffed it away
.
>>515941
I am very pissed off, I feel like they've played me like a fool.
He will lose his shit about snooping though. I don't know if I would believe the truth of nothing happened without seeing the whatsapp chat, assuming its still there

No. 515955

>>515801
It's all true and happened over the span of like a year. I caught him with the incest porn and using Reddit for like like 3 months in and figured he just didn't see me as a long-term commitment so why bother? I caught him with the dog stuff the 2nd time and I was literally crushed. I got drunk and tried to attack him. I took a week break but came back because I really missed him but I still can't not think about it, like, I'll make stupid jokes and always end up convincing him "what no sorry I didn't mean it like that I'm over it I promise". If he was shitty in any other way I'd dump him but he's too fucking nice. He helped me pay to study abroad, he doesn't care about my past trauma and shit.

I just can't imagine not being with him. Also my study abroad is almost over and he lives in the city, it'll be cheaper living with him in his flat so there's that.

No. 515957

>>515952
The issue of snooping is null when you found him pulling shit like this. You might be in the wrong for violating his priacy but he's in the wrong for going behind your back and lying to you about it. What's worse?

No. 515963

>>515950
Sure it's normal desire younger, better looking moids, unless you're on the cusp of adulthood lusting after children. It is normal to find people at their prime attractive which isn't high school age that's for sure. And moids are not even hairless in high school, they start getting hairy and growing beards in middle school.

It doesn't look like you actually want advice about relationships since it sounds like you don't want a relationship, think it would only have been worth it while you were a child and now it is over because 19-20yo adults are too walled for you. Plus if you are repulsed by male adult bodies, the idea of sex/intimacy beyond handholding, etc. can't you just have platonic friendships with women instead? You can still experience 'pure love' and non-sexual physical intimacy like handholding with women, who aren't likely to be disgusting gooners and won't repulse you with their hairiness (male AND female secondary sexual characteristic that is fairly inescapable, but men convince women to shave).
>And no I'm not into 18 year olds either, they look too childish.
You're essentially saying the only possible time for a relationship was age 19 then am I correct? I guess you missed the boat, it's over and if you'd had that brief relationship at 19 you would probably be sad about him getting old and ugly at age 20 and break up anyway so nothing of value was lost.
>You can't just make up for it when you're a total ""femcel"" with no game.
You're literally 20, an age at which easily half of young women are still kissless virgins. You can't be a femcel at age 20. It's completely normal and average to have no relationship experience at age 21.
>All normie men goon and fuck whores even if they don't tell you about it.
You definitely do surround yourself with MRA pigs and 4channers if you think that literally all men goon and fuck whores lmao. A majority of women goon, very few of them fuck whores, but it's not like them being a year or two younger would have made them any less likely to be a gooner. In fact peak gooning for many moids is in their early to mid teens. Why should any woman be 'romantically loving and holding hands' with a gooner anyway? If you believe they're all gooners you definitely shouldn't want to 'love' one.
>missed my one chance at something pure
So you're saying the one moid you liked who liked you back has admitted to using prostitutes in the intervening 2 years, or..?
>women are getting kidnapped by masked police officers and tossed into unmarked vans in broad daylight.
Huh? Where? And what does this has to do with your attitude about romance only being possible in high school even though all the high school boys are gooners who fuck whores with their dads?

No. 515964

>>515952
>I found it 3 days ago
Then it seems like a very appropriate time to bring it up to him. I don't know what the confrontation will actually get you though as the messages about sneaking his ex into his home when you're not there, sneaking around while he's on chat with you and then talking about the ex trying to break you up clearly point to cheating/an affair and not just 'chatting' or 'talking' (which regardless would have been a breach of trust). I don't think him getting mad about you snooping really matters when you discovered he cheated on you through your snooping. Men can only even pretend to have the right to be mad about snooping if the snooper discovers nothing.

No. 515966

>>515955
Just on the off chance this story is true and not the obvious bait it appears to be, get out of this situation. Run not walk, away from both men. The first one is a groomer who is into incest and bestiality and cheats on you with prostitutes while the other one is apparently a narcissistic racist you feel uncomfortable around? I hope this story is fictional like I think it is but if not, get out, you're in danger.

No. 515980

>>515950
>I know 20 is young but for a male that's the age they turn into jaded old hookers. Their balls are saggy sacks of shit dangling between their knees by now.
>And no I'm not into 18 year olds either, they look too childish.
being bog standard incelposting with the genders swapped, this isn't the most original bait post ever but the protagonist who is only attracted to 19 year olds specifically is really funny so I still really enjoyed this one. well done

No. 516102

Do you think men are actually capable of love?

No. 516150

>>515966
Groomer is a little much. I approached him anyways. His self-esteem is so low he said he wouldn't have made the first move. And the second guy, no he's not a narcissist and I'm not uncomfortable around him, but him being racist and kind of a jerk makes sense because he's rich (which is the huge caveat here).

No. 516154

>>516102
maybe but it's rare and overshadowed by other needs

No. 516173


No. 516187

Is there any realistic future with an adhd moid?

No. 516281

>>516187
this is such a silly question. Of course there is as long as they're medicated or going to therapy. ADHD isn't like BPD they're not going to be psychos

No. 516299

I don't know if its his anxiety or what but i fucking hate going out with my boyfriend. He goes silent, hardly looks me in the eye. We went out to eat- maybe the fifth time in eight months of dating- and he looked so miserable as if he would have rather been anywhere else. Not once initiating conversation.
At home, he is funny and loud and sweet and doting. I feel like i have to drag him out to go anywhere.
But he's saying he wants to get married and have a family. I can't imagine how we're going to handle all the social responsibilities that would bring if he's so miserable just being in a resturaunt. It's like I'm not even there.
Maybe he hates being seen in public with me or maybe he's just retarded

No. 516338

>>515882
nona i feel like youre massively overexaggerating how much game our retarded zoomer generation is getting. we're like the least social and least sexual generation ever and you can definitely find a guy whos also around 20 and a virgin lol. im pretty sure only like, 1/3 of people seriously date in highschool too

No. 516362

>>516299
mine is exactly like this which is weird because he's pretty well-spoken and attractive. low self esteem is like that. honeslty i still don't have a solution but my recommendation would be to just ask what's up with him, why he seems so miserable, prove him wrong if he denies it and get to the bottom of it.

No. 516366

>>516150
He could be your dad anyway and someone in their mid-30s dating the literal youngest possible women to make it legal seems like a predator even without the 20-15 other details you provided that confirm he is indeed a particularly bad kind of predator.
>but him being racist and kind of a jerk makes sense because he's rich
No, that does not make sense.

>>516102
Yes but only some of them. Most are not. Most probably had the potential to be adults capable of love when they were like 7yo, but once a moidlet locks into the developmental path of coomerism he never develops like a cognitively and emotionally normal human being.

>>516187
Absolutely not.
>>516281
>ADHD isn't like BPD they're not going to be psychos
Except in males, ADHD is like BPD and they are going to be psychos.

>>516299
This is a weird one anon, I would personally confront him about it and ask him why he's like that in public because maybe it is something he can easily overcome (it depends on your age too), but personally I would not stay with someone long term who was like this. My dad is like this. It is not only constantly embarrassing for my mom but it has also been constantly humiliating for me and I'm in my thirties now and it's honestly only ever gotten worse. In my dad's case I think it is undiagnosed autism but do not 'plan a life' with someone who can't do things normally or talk to people in public, they will dump every single responsibility on you and any children you have and adultify them. If he's like that at restaurants he will also probably be like that when he needs to call about the gas bill, go with you to the doctor, deal with a plumber coming by, etc.

No. 516399

>>516362
Mine is as well- very capable, very attractive and well spoken. He's literally a manager. Which makes me wonder if he slips into this other role or something when in the public sphere.

>>516366
I see what you're saying, but like I said above he's perfectly capable of communicating with people. He does it for a living. When we're at home, great banter and conversation. Today at the resturaunt, pulling teeth to get a reaction.
He did say initially that he's a homebody and he doesn't like travelling or going out every weekend. Which is fine but I'd like to have fun with him outside every once in a blue moon. I want shared life experiences with my "life partner".

I talked with him a few minutes ago. Explained how i perceived his behavior. He could only say "i don't know."

No. 516411

I have a lovely and kind bf who treats me like I'm his whole world, but I'm missing my piece of shit ex bc he was honestly the prettiest man I've ever seen. My bf is handsome too, but he isn't nearly as pretty. How to I stop myself from ruining my relationship bc of this.

No. 516416

>>516399
Either he's autistic and has no idea or he just really doesn't want to be outside with you. I've been in a similar position in the past (ex would shut down doing activities I wanted to do but came to life if he did what he wanted to do). Men are aware of why they do things they just don't tell you.
Does he only do this at restaurants, or is it during any other outings as well?

No. 516424

>>516399
UGH he says the same fucking thing "I don't know" of course you fucking know stop making me dig into you to find out why. Yeah, yours is a manager, mine is an accountant; maybe this is some kind of outlet for them? They can't act like stroppy teenage boys at work so they do it when they're out with us. They just wanna stay at home and play vidya like FUCK OFF.

I totally relate to your frustration. We went to a nice bar and were in a pretty quiet corner but he was still mopey and quiet most of the night.

>>516411
Any photos of him, any socials, old convos, delete. Go cold turkey. Trust me, you'll forget his face soon enough.

No. 516503

>>516399
Be that as it may, if he isn't able to be normal and sociable in social situations with you, it doesn't matter how good he is at being a manager at his job. In your relationship he is refusing to act normal when you go out in public, making you embarrassed and unhappy. You're not his boss, you're his girlfriend.

>He could only say "i don't know."

Yeah something is clearly wrong here. IF he had a real reason he would be eager to explain it. This is a huge red flag imo, being a homebody doesn't mean you turn into a socially retarded autist every time you go outside and I'm sure he knows that too. So like you said before either he is embarrassed to be out with you or there is some other reason why he is like this but he doesn't want to fix it because he won't even explain to you why it's happening. If he is socially adept when he's not out with you I'd assume that this is his way of taking something out on you, maybe showing dissatisfaction that you expect him to go outside.

>>516411
Block and stay safe

No. 516533

>>516411
>I'm missing my piece of shit ex bc he was honestly the prettiest man I've ever seen.
Men like that behave like that cause we let them
He's rosterdating another group of simps, guaranteed

No. 516536

>>516411
The knowledge that your piece of shit ex will age and all that will be left of him is an ugly personality and an ugly face

No. 516560

>>516533
He isn't, or at least wasn't for the last two years after we broke up. According to mutual friends he was still hung up on me. I've cut those friends out of my life too so I dont know how he is doing anymore though.
>>516424
Its almost been 3 years since I last saw him and I can just as vividly recall his face as if it was yesterday.
>>516536
I suppose this is the answer. His dad aged like shit so I guess he will too.

No. 516613

>>516560
Why did you break up with him nonna? If he's such a one in a hundred beauty why can't he get gfs when you've already moved on?

No. 516633

>>516613
He is violent, drug addicted and insecure. He could easily get a gf if he wanted to, keeping them is the issue. Beautiful people can be mentally ill too you know.

No. 516648

>>516633
So every time you are tempted to think about how good he looked remember this. Having a nice person to look at is nice if they're not violent drug addicts, but was it worth it? You said your current bf is attractive too. Just stop looking at old pictures or social media of your anger issues ex scrote and think about how much better your life is now you don't have to be constantly on the edge because of violence. If you want a pretty face to look at you can watch some TV or get a female friend.

No. 516745

>>516633
He's gonna look like a zombie in a couple of years. Be happy you got to enjoy him before he prematurely drove himself into the wall.

No. 516835

my girlfriend said some lame/shitty things to me a month or so back, and while we have discussed it and she has apologized, i really am having a hard time finding her attractive or wanting to be around her. logically i like her and accept her apology, but something in my gut is making me so uncomfortable. she didnt even do anything that shitty but some switch just flipped in my brain or something. Im not sure what i should do about it

No. 516876

>>516835
Can you be more specific about what the 'lame and shitty' things are? It sounds like you 'got the ick' so to speak and from my own personal experience, once that happens it's really hard to come back from it and find the person attractive again, but I also think it sort of depends on what types of things she said. If they were just some criticisms of your behavior that were unpleasant to hear or felt unfair to you, it might be something worth considering and talking through, but if it was something unreasonable or 'negging' I think it can be a bad sign moving forward. At the end of the day though if it was a month ago and a switch flipped in your brain, it might just be that the relationship is over regardless.

No. 516914

>>513787
My last ex had unmedicated ADHD. I didn’t see the full effects of it at first, because after we met we were in different countries, and he seemed to live a full and interesting life. Then he came back to my country. I’ve never had such whiplash in thinking that I knew somebody:
I came to realise that he was so detached from the real world that I became so tired of telling him ‘no’. No, we can’t just hire a boat and sail down my city’s major river. No, we wouldn’t be able to eventually get married in my city’s most famous landmark. He was unable to do basic chores to the extent that I thought he might be retarded. On the other hand, if it was weaponised incompetence, he came across as so incompetent I lost all attraction to him. He was a master of lovebombing, which initially distracted me from the fact that he had no respect for the fact that I had to work full time and didn’t have the time or energy to cater to his every whim. I was like a shell of myself.
I waited for him to go back to his home country to break up with him. He flipped and sent endless emotionally manipulative messages and voicenotes. I asked for space, which he didn’t respect, and so I blocked him and then he started messaging my family members. According to the latest update from his social media from a friend several months later, he thinks I was cheating on him. They live on their own fucking planet. They don’t see others as complete people, but caricatures of themselves who are good (enabling) or bad (emotionally resilient; self-preserving).
When we got together, this thread was active: >>>/g/381978. Nonas talk about their experience with ADHD moids in it. I wish I'd paid more attention to it.

No. 516918

>>516914
I'm the anon who previously said that dating ADHD moids isn't worth it and this is exactly why (full disclosure I never dated one, but some of my friends have). If you look at typical dating advice forums, even kind of retarded ones like FDS, one of the useful takeaways is 'never date a moid who doesn't actively make your life better than it was when you were single (outside of sex). A lot of women are kind of bad about this because we've been primed from childhood to think that life with 'romance' or a partner is automatically better, but whenever I see a woman in some early relationship stage asking 'ladies, is it worth it to date (X type of man with massive neon red flag above head)' I just automatically think 'no, if you have to ask it isn't.'

The best case with an ADHD moid is that he is self-dx'd retard making excuses for why he can't complete any tasks or goals in school or work. The middle case is he's a semi-normal moid who has talked a therapist into a diagnosis and is going to be an amphetamine addict for the rest of his life as a result. The worst case is that he actually has ADHD, which is a neurodevelopmental disorder that means he's literally been brain damaged in some way from birth, and while neurodivergent women frequently manage to rise above that with self-discipline and empathy for other people, neurodivergent men basically don't, ever. They will never 'get you,' they will act deranged and use their diagnosis as an excuse for lacking ambition and life skills, they will pity themselves when you expect them to rise above their neurological issues the way most women with ADHD/autism are expected to. The other really horrible thing about ADHD moids (highlighted in that thread) is they will be the most porn-addicted coomers alive, 10 times worse than regular coomer men. The only instance in which it makes sense to date an ADHD moid is if you dated him for a year or more before even finding out he has ADHD, he seems normal and together in every way and you just found out he has ADHD by accident. Otherwise literally why would you add that kind of chaos to your life when even mentally 'normal' men are on average so awful to date?

No. 516929

>>516918
I'm the anon you're replying to and couldn't agree more. My ex came along when I was feeling ready to say 'yes' to everything because life had felt quiet for a year and it seemed like a partner was the only thing 'missing'. The fact that he wasn’t from my country was exciting, and he seemed to have a lot of ambition which – in the longterm – would have opened up opportunities for me also. It was only when he was here that I realised I had replaced all his other future plans and he put his education on hold to become a neet hobo in my country.
In hindsight, my life was complete. Steady job, own living space, good friends, hobbies. I’ve done so much reflection since he left, journaled until I can’t anymore, and opened up to friends about the shame I feel for missing the red flags. What comforts me is that I’m invested in my personal growth, whereas I know that he’s still blaming me for everything going wrong and looking for the perfect sex-mother. Whereas I'm content to just get laid every once in a while lmao.
Also I've just realised I completely fucked up replying to >>516187 so I hope she sees all this.

No. 516933

>>516929
>>516914
>>516366
Thank you kind anons, I figured it would be a bad idea. I also think it's not just adhd but also some co-morbidity of a personality disorder going on although I can't tell if the "being affectionate and then go directly to ignoring" is just an adhd trait or something else but this moid is already medicated and he is still showing plenty red flags despite at first treating me really well. Naturally I was hoping it would go back to that state at some point but reading your experiences here I have abandoned all hope. Seems like all they are good for is a situationship and to dump them right after if one is lucky enough not to catch feelings..

No. 516935

>>516929
This isn't the same thing but I have had a close female friend for the last 18 or so years who has ADHD and despite being more tolerable due to being a female friend, I relate to the 'seemed to have a lot of ambition which… would have opened up opportunities for me.' My female ADHD friend was constantly pitching projects to me which sounded ambitious and vaguely aligned with my pre-existing career/hobby goals and I kept pouring effort and energy into making them happen while she would eventually drop them and get defensive about the fact I was still talking about them. I can't imagine how much worse it would be with a moid who lacks the empathy and theory of mind to even realize that he is putting your life on hold for his fleeting, fake ambitions about 'projects' he will never commit to; at least my female ADHD friend felt sorry when she dropped the ball and actively apologized for stringing me along.

>I had replaced all his other future plans and he put his education on hold to become a neet hobo in my country.

This is such a common story from my friends who have dated ADHD moids it's not even funny. It's like they can only focus on one thing at a time so if they seem to be focusing on your relationship you can bet the futures of your unborn grandchildren on the fact he is definitely letting every other aspect of his life lapse and depending on him to bail you out if he's acting attentive to you. I had extremely accomplished, educated, together female friends lose months or years of their lives to these moids who tried to monopolize their energy only to then drop it on them they had no future plans outside of 'depending on the relationship for future happiness.' And like you're saying these were women with their own homes, friends, hobbies, good careers.

>>516933
>medicated and he is still showing plenty red flags
Could be comorbidities, could be that the ADHD diagnosis is a convenient cover for a cluster B personality disorder too. A man going straight from extremely affectionate directly to ignoring sounds kind of par for the course for ADHD (not caring unless something is the most amusing thing right in front of them) but it could also be something like BPD or NPD too. If he's already medicated and still treating you like this it's highly unlikely it's ever going to get better. No matter how high the highs are early in a relationship with a moid, if the lows are low it's not worth it dragging yourself into that mess and trying to fix him. Genuinely, it's better to live a single life and be stable or even fuck with some dramatic but fleeting situationships than put yourself in a long term situation with a moid who will drag you onto the roller coaster of hell. It might seem fun and appealing at first to feel those high highs and low lows but it gets really exhausting really quickly. Any moid worth letting into your life in a long term way will never ever make you feel those low lows, make you feel ignored, etc. Any moid worth being in your life long term will make your day to day life better and less tumultuous.

No. 522448

I proposed to my boyfriend after a handful of dates. Before you start clutching your pearls, let me explain. To be honest, I was just vibing hard. We’re talking deep conversations about life, love, and basically got each other’s life philosophies down to a tee. We clicked in a way that made me feel like we were destined to get married, or at the very least, start a YouTube channel together. So I did what any logical person would do: I asked him if he would marry me. Was it impulsive? Yes. Was it a tad dramatic? Absolutely. But it felt right, okay? It’s like the worst and best thing I’ve ever done. He did say yes. So now I’m sitting here, wondering if I just created my own personal “How to Ruin Your Life in 3 Easy Steps” manual or if this will somehow turn into a love story for the ages. Is this the boldest move ever or am I setting myself up to be the example of what not to do in a relationship for the world to see? Did I do the right thing, or am I about to get memed into oblivion?

No. 522459

>>522448
You did the best thing you could have. Remember to not sign the prenuptial either! You go girl!

No. 522485

>>522448
Can we follow your YouTube channel when you make it?

No. 522501

>>522448
Erm, did you ever date anyone else at all, nona..?

No. 522516

>>522448
Who knows, you have already done it. Did you like get on your knee? That sounds so pathetic done by a woman I’m sorry kek.

No. 522518

>>522459
Me when I try to sabotage someone

No. 522560

I was considering breaking up with my boyfriend, but chose to stay when we talked about having kids. I realised he'd make a great dad and a better husband than a boyfriend. The problem is he keeps collecting kids to dote on, even as we're preparing to have kids of our own. He was raised in the same home as his 6 cousins (all women), so they're more like sisters to him. On top of that, he's one of the oldest, so he helped raise all his younger cousins, so he has a very close bond with them. They all live quite close together, still have family meals every Sunday etc. As his cousins have had kids, they've been like his beloved nieces and nephews, but a few of those cousins have had disastrous relationships that've left them single mothers, and he's been there to pick up the slack with the kids.

He babysits, takes them to school and appointments, tutors them etc. and it consumes most of his free time. He loves to do it and he's raised those kids like they're his own, but he just doesn't see that if he wants to have kids, he's going to have to make a choice between prioritising his second-cousins or his own children. I've tried to broach the subject multiple times in a few different ways, but he's convinced he can manage just fine. In his mind, it's just one more kid to add to the madhouse, and he'll be bouncing our baby on his knee as he helps one kid with math homework and braids another's hair. It's how he was raised, it's how he's helped raise 'his' kids, and I respect that, but it's an unrealistic expectation. In the end, every time I try to convince him of the flaws in the plan or point out deficiencies, all he hears is an attack on his family.

He's so totally confident in his ability to do this, that he finds my lack of faith in him disheartening. I'm at the point where I want to give him an ultimatum, but I know if I do that the relationship is over anyway. What should I do?

No. 522752

>>522560
>I was considering breaking up with my boyfriend, but chose to stay when we talked about having kids.
I feel like I don't even need to read past this sentence to know this is a bad idea. Someone you don't even want as a boyfriend definitely isn't worth marrying or having progeny with. That's like saying 'I don't really like eating this ice cream flavor, but what if I sign a contract with the Devil that I will have to eat it and no other flavors for the rest of my life, 3x a day?'
>but he just doesn't see that if he wants to have kids, he's going to have to make a choice
Sounds like he's literally retarded. Another strike against him.
>In his mind, it's just one more kid to add to the madhouse
So he doesn't even care about you and would also be a terrible father? There's nothing wrong with raising your kid among a bunch of siblings and cousins but envisioning your own child as 'just another one' among many other people's children isn't really a parental mindset imo and it's EXTREMELY disrespectful to you. What about your pregnancy, postpartum period, etc? Becoming a father isn't just about caring for the new child but also (especially) for the mother, who is usually the child's actual main caretaker.

This moid sounds nice, but mentally retarded, so I think you're screwed anyway, but what was the reason you were considering breaking up with him in the first place?

No. 522758

>>522448
Nona, you gave us no reason not to clutch our pearls. I am begging you to live with this guy before starting to plan anything. I was in your shoes this time last year (only on the receiving end of the proposal) and the whole thing is now cringe as fuck to me and I've blocked him everywhere kek. You've not ruined your life yet, but you might if you go through with this.

No. 522759

>>522758
I assumed she was joking. But yes, proposal nonna, if your post was serious then you are with almost total certainty being really dumb. Maybe start with the Youtube channel and pretend the proposal was a joke even if it wasn't.

No. 522789

>>522560
He seems like an ambitious person with strong sensibilities. A man that knows how to take care of children and has a sense of familial pride is someone you should want to start your own family with. I wish I was in your situation nona. I hope the best for you and your family.

No. 522791

>>522789
I totally disagree. Him being loyal to his cousins and good with his nephews is a very positive trait but nonna isn't looking for a nanny, she's looking for a life partner. Men who never ever realize they should prioritize their girlfriend/wife and 'start their own family' that takes priority over other family members pretty much always blow up their relationships. Plus she didn't even like him until they had the kids conversation. He's having conversations about having a biological child but the woman who would carry and give life to the child is not even worth hearing out, he brushes off her repeated attempts to broach the subject and doesn't care about her opinion about her family and child. This is also a bad sign because it could turn into controlling or possessive behavior later on; either that or he's somehow mentally impaired or severely lacks EQ/social sense (this is possible if he likes children so much, it may be because he's extremely immature).

What about her post implied any ambition? She didn't say anything about her boyfriend except he 'keeps collecting kids' and 'spends all his time on those kids' etc. and that he's ignoring her.

No. 522820

>>522448
>I proposed to my boyfriend
First mistake, never propose to a man. Should always be the other way around.
>Did I do the right thing
If this isn't bait and what you're telling us is actually true, then no you didn't do the right thing if you prioritize your own safety and emotional/mental/physical wellbeing. Relationships between men and women work best when the men are seriously vetted. After a handful of dates you don't know anything about this guy, I'm sorry but you really don't. It takes a longer time and a lot more time spent together learning about who a man truly is to see if he's worth marrying or not. I hope it works out for you regardless and that you don't come to any harm, but honestly this is probably one of those situations that you'll laugh about in 10 years time and kind of wish you spent the time and money elsewhere.

No. 522831

>>522752
When we first started dating neither of us had any ambition to start a family. In my case it was because I honestly doubted I could find a guy worth having children with. In that context, as just a boyfriend, his total lack of spontaneity and need to plan out everything in advance was a huge drain on me. I was resigned to just be childfree for the rest of my life, so I wanted to get the most out of it with spontaneous holidays and outings, but couldn't do that with him. Then we had the baby talk and I realised there was a real chance of starting a family, which the childfree lifestyle was a consolation prize for missing out on. Suddenly that careful planning and attention to detail became a huge asset.

No. 522836

>>522560
It'll be honest, my initial reaction was thinking you'd be crazy for leaving a man who has demonstrated to be a responsible and hard working caretaker/future father. But it's probably a little more nuanced than that. It really hinges on how he'll react once you have kids and he (likely) realizes he can't do it all. Will he prioritize you and your kid then? Not sure if you can predict that beforehand. (Then again, if not him, who and where are you going to find a man who you know will make an excellent father beforehand? I think it's always a gamble for women)

I do wonder how it works on a practical level- do you live very close his cousins or even in the same home?

No. 522852

>>522836
Most of his family bought homes in the same area, and send their kids to schools in the same area, so our house is pretty much equidistant from everything else and makes for a midway point where they congregate. They just catch a bus or ride here on their bikes to get help with homework, gather to play in the park, have a place to watch TV until their mothers are back from work/daycare etc. We've just surrendered the gamesroom at this point and the kids clean up when they leave, while we keep a spare bedroom made up just in case something unexpected happens. It was initially awkward, but his impact on their upbringing is so obvious in that it's made them all very charming kids that are nice to have around.

>if not him, who and where are you going to find a man

That's my big point of contention. I see what he's done for these kids, how he's been such a huge part of their upbringing that they even sound and act like him. It doesn't matter how tired or frustrated he is, he always approaches them with an excitement, compassion and love that's infectious. I want that for my kids. However, I'm a fair bit older than him and I'd basically given up on finding someone to have kids with. If I can't make it work with him, I'll almost certainly never have kids before it's too late.

No. 523058

File: 1744137514180.gif (5.03 MB, 410x499, 1658916006342.gif)

Nonnas the guy I'm dating is a turbo virgin. He has never had sex or really kissed before. I really like him and I am not sure how to go about guiding him when it comes to sex and kissing. He gets way too excited and it gets overwhelming. I guess I would like advice on how to navigate the beginning of this relationship with a man who is very much a virgin in every aspect.

No. 523102

>>522831
Okay, that puts things in a somewhat different light. If it's true that the only reason you want 'spontaneous' outings is as a consolation prize for not having children, then it sounds like it isn't an issue with the boyfriend so much as an issue with your own lifestyle. I still think him brushing you off is a huge issue though. I would never, ever, consider putting my body at risk and having a child with a man whose entire attitude is 'whatever, it'll be so easy we don't even need to think about it and you're annoying me by wanting to talk or plan.'

>>522852
If you don't think you're going to find a better man and you enjoy having the kids around, you probably need to sit down and just be extremely aggressive with your point of view. You need to insist that he actually take it seriously and tell him that he's being childish and it's worrying you and making you question your future together. What else can you do really?

>However, I'm a fair bit older than him

Which one of you makes more money? This is entirely expected because he sounds so immature.

No. 523104

>>523058
What do you mean he gets too excited and it gets overwhelming? I would just go with the flow and do whatever you want to do. You can just start with kissing and stuff and move from there gradually once you get used to things, just like you did when you yourself were a virgin I imagine?

No. 523264

File: 1744150186476.jpg (18.21 KB, 800x450, 2mhrqnmb7s941.jpg)

A guy gave me his number for the first time in my entire life. I just got out of work but I'm too scared to respond , what the actual fuck do I do or say to his "Hi " text so I can fuck? KHHV my whole life because of nosy shaming parents but this is too good to pass up even if he is 8 years older.

No. 523444

>>523104
What I mean about getting too excited is he just goes to 100% real quick. Like really intense about making out and grinding awkwardly cause he doesn't know how real sex works. He admitted to watching porn so im pretty sure he is influenced by that when it comes to trying to recreate what is "sexy." He listens when I tell him to chill out but I just dont want this to be every single time.

No. 523454

>>523444
Take command and tell him how to please you. Be vocal and speak up for yourself on what you like and want. If he can't manage following your commands and trying to please you, then he's just another pornsick virgin loser.

No. 523467

>>523444
Have you explained what you like/don't like in the moment, or do you just vaguely tell him to stop? You have to communicate directly; he might think you're just telling him to slow down and not understand your preferneces. Teaching a virgin moid can be a fun experience if you know what you enjoy. You can literally mold him to please you, if he can listen and isn't pornsick like >>523454 mentioned.

No. 523511

>>523264
A “heyy” is always an appropriate response to “hi”

No. 523550

File: 1744166403779.jpg (4.76 KB, 316x264, 1000013557.jpg)

Should I break up with my long distance boyfriend of 3+ years because of the disgust I feel whenever he says romantic or sexual stuff? Even thinking about the post sexual acts we've done or video calls just make my stomach turn. I still think he's a great person, he's skinny, slightly taller than me, and smart but idk i just can't help but think " ew what a fag" sometimes.

No. 523551

>>523550
You're sexually repulsed by him? Yes. Also that's too long of a time to be long distance.

No. 523564

>>523550
Your post speaks for itself, nona. You're repulsed by him. Why are you dating someone who makes you go "ew what a fag"?

No. 523639

>>523444
If he's pornsick I would avoid having sex with him or making out with him entirely. Pornsick virgins are such a bad idea to date.

>>523550
Yes, you should.

No. 523668

>>523102
He's 6 years younger than me and makes about three times what I do.

He's more than happy to plan, that's his wheelhouse and it's what he does for a living, but he tends to underestimate the emotional stress things place on him specifically. His only frame of reference is caring for his cousins' new-borns, which he made part of his responsibilities, but ultimately they are not, and their life and death doesn't hang on him. I think piling a new-born that NEEDS him, on top of him being like a father to 5 other kids, will be too much. He's already picking out paint for a nursery, laying out the backyard for a sandbox, and preparing an index fund and investment portfolio, but he can't plan around what an earth-shattering moment becoming a parent can be. He's very kind-hearted and thinks he'll love all his family equally, but he's completely unprepared for the kind of instincts that'll make him choose his child over others. Ultimately, I'm trying to get him to cut the cord a little and have the other kids depend on him a little less so that sudden shift in perspective won't impact the kids, or him, as much. He feels like doing any less than all he can for his family is a betrayal.

No. 523708

>>523668
AYRT and again, I mentioned this before, but he needs to understand that he didn't REALLY care for his cousins' new-borns, they did. He may have helped them out almost like a father does (although you said only two of them are single moms so presumably the other ones had their husbands there and he didn't really take on a father role), but I'm guessing he didn't live with them full time in a house together with no other people like he would be living with you. He probably wasn't waking up 5x per night every single day when the baby cried. At any rate, the woman is the main caretaker of her babies when they are babies, the man is not, so a lot of his role would be to take care of YOU. You really need to make him understand that a huge part of the burden of fatherhood would be that he's there full time with the baby, and also you, who are probably extremely stressed, tired, getting no sleep, might have some postpartum complications, etc. and it will be his full time role, all the time, even if he gets no sleep for weeks in a row, to try to make you comfortable. Did he really experience this 'helping out' with raising his cousins' babies?

>He's very kind-hearted and thinks he'll love all his family equally

This is one of the things I found a bit sus in your original post and I still find it sus now. I would be disturbed if I was planning on having a baby with a moid and he said his own (my) baby would be 'equal' to a bunch of his cousins' children who have their own families. This also implies that you would not be any more important to him than his female cousins. While this might just be a misperception he has to be nice, this would make me really think twice about settling down with someone. You should be the single most important person to your moid (above even his mom, let alone siblings and cousins) and your children together should be in spot #2. If they were actually his babies that would be another thing but it sounds like he's planning on making you part of a club, not marrying and having your first child together. If your own child with him grows up in this environment, it's possible your child would love having so many close older cousins, but from experience talking to friends who had many siblings, they usually feel neglected. If your child grows up feeling that he/she is not any more important to his/her parent than a bunch of cousins once removed, it could really fuck your kid up so I hope he's just saying that and it's not actually true.

No. 523723

>>522831
To me it sounds like you don’t even like your boyfriend and just want a a kid.

No. 523728

>>523723
It kinda does, but if it's that important to her to have a kid then maybe having a kid with a moid who's responsible and good with kids is a better choice for her than shopping around for a better boyfriend and remaining childless. The other concerning part though is it sounds like he's never really prioritized her in his life compared to his cousins and nephews. He was okay with 'draining' her and making her feel miserable in the relationship in order to have more time with his family, which could continue to happen if they get married and have a child together.

I also had the thought that if his plan is to hold his newborn while braiding one niece's hair and helping another nephew with math homework, what's happening to her as a postpartum woman? She's going to be exhausted, waking up constantly throughout the night to breastfeed (probably) or stop her baby crying, probably extremely sensitive and exhausted, but he's going to have a half dozen other kids running around their shared house helping them with the math homework and getting in her space? Most new mothers find guests (even respectful, adult guests) pretty draining and don't have much energy for socialization unless it's responsible adults that are actively helping them take care of the child and their own needs. But having a half dozen random other kids be your houseguests constantly while you're going through this sounds really exhausting.

Also
>>523668
>He's already picking out paint for a nursery, laying out the backyard for a sandbox, and preparing an index fund
Am I correct in my understanding that you're not even married yet and you don't have your mind set on this child? It sounds like he's steamrolling you completely.

No. 523967

File: 1744207995122.jpeg (52.86 KB, 1024x752, IMG_6464.jpeg)

urgent help

Nonas help please i’m losing my mind I fell in love with the most beautiful twink nerd who is so like me and aligns well with most of my values in dating (not watching porn etc) sex is wonderful and whatever we’ve been dating for like 3 months now and we play this game together, yesterday i saw him open the game and saw his first save file was with a female character and i asked who that was and he said “oh i started off the game as a girl for some reason” and now i’m incredibly worried that there might be some underlying agp adjacent issue since he definitely fits the demographic (nerd, weeb, in engineering) but if i bring this up to him he’ll think i’m fucking insane and schizoid.. what the fuck do i do.. i love him so much and just want him to be normal. why is it so hard for a weird girl
to find a normal weird boy who isn’t a sex pest I AM KILLING MYSELF !!!!!

No. 523973

File: 1744208183588.png (383.38 KB, 480x360, 1000032828.png)

>>523967
>That picrel

No. 523975

>>523967
no anon. Guys play as girls in video games because they want to hear girl moans and see them jiggle when they get hit.

No. 523978

>>523973
i am ending my life i’m in the trenches i hate that i can only be attracted to men as autistic as me or otherwise i feel miserable in the relationship….

No. 523980

>>523975
game is stardew valley !!!!!!! i didnt want to mention it bc paranoia but yeah !!!!!!! i don’t see how he could sexualize that …..

No. 523986

>>523967
Calm the fuck down. Christ. I don't say this often to women but you're overreacting a bit.
First off, do you think it's weird for a woman to play a male character in a game? It doesn't reflect the entirety of their personality or deep-seated thoughts about gender or whatever, it's just a character. If he was always playing a female character as a rule, sure you'd be right to worry a little. Is there anything else that makes you think he might be an agp?
Second, three months into dating is not a lot. At this point you know basically nothing about the other person. It might feel that way but it's not. You don't live together yet (at least i hope not), you don't even know what he's like for most of the day he's not at work or uni. It seems like you're lovesick and it's putting you on edge for any sort of possible flaw this guy has. I would consider looking into whether you have some unhealthy attachment issues or even bpd.

No. 523988

>>523986
samefag, *you might feel that you know him but you don't.

No. 523993

>>523988
thank you nona for the reality check, no i don’t have bpd (have discussed it with my therapist) but i do get attached pretty easily especially given how comfortable i feel with him, and have been through horrors in previous relationships. we don’t live together but we spend our breaks together so i have stayed over for prolonged periods of time with him (more than a week?) and i do think i’m hyperparanoid. other than the fact he used to watch a lot of porn (made him quit) and likes astolfo femboy memes i dont think i have any actual concerns.. or i hope so. i don’t know if bringing this up to him would be a good idea at all

No. 523997

>>523986
Anon is right to be worried since not being careful can get her hurt or forced into staying in order to not look like a terf to normalfags. If she doesn’t see the signs at first and gets sucked into the sunk cost part of the relationships that most moids use against women to keep them chained down. Being keen isn’t mental illness, siding with trannies is though and letting yourself be a future trans widow is worse than whatever bpd you’re projecting

No. 524020

File: 1744210255824.png (494.59 KB, 760x762, hons.png)

>>523993
Sorry to hear about your relationship experiences. I can see they've really affected you.
>he used to watch a lot of porn (made him quit) and likes astolfo femboy memes
Okay, that gives me pause, actually. Could well have blossoming agp. Astolfo memes aren't funny to people who don't have gendie illness. They're just not. There is a trans widow thread on the hidden board, better ask for advice there.
>>523997
Being that paranoid over a single avatar doesn't seem healthy to me. She just left out a few details though. I just know from experience that being paranoid about every possible flaw in a relationship is more tiring than cutting your losses and breaking up with a loser.

No. 524045

>>524020
thank you so much nona :[ is it the thread on xx ?? seems a bit dead, like no one has posted in 2 years..
i really don’t know what to do because if i bring it up to him he might be so weirded out and there’ll be no way to come back from that.. but if i don’t and i just try to forget about it, i’ll torture myself with the thought.
he doesn’t seem to have gendie brain worms, w the astolfo stuff he really could just be a lost weeb (i hope for the best).. he is so very nice and dear to me, cares about me and my interests in a way no other guy has. idk if it means anything but he has also talked a bit about how he feels like “it’s his job as a man to…” (pay for stuff for me, being emotionally strong, doesn’t say it in a bad light and is kind of proud about it). i don’t know if that could also be an indicator of possible agp ?? like trying to compensate in some sort of way ??(emoji)

No. 524063

>>524045
Yeah the board's a little dead.
Just be on the lookout for other signs for now. Though i hate to break it to you that it's not looking good. With the "as a man" stuff, people who troon out also have strict ideas about gender roles, and if he feels he doesn't fill the role of the man well enough, he might troon out.
You should give him some kind of sign soon that you will not, on principle, date a troon. If you don't want to be direct about it, strike up a conversation about it, or mention it when the topic arises. If you don't think you can have a full-on conversation, he should know that you won't support his decision if he decides on it. Honestly a friendly convo about the topic seems the best move here. At least you'll be able to gauge whether he needs a reality check or a full-on break up. Be strong!
Also, emojis are banned. And learn to integrate.

No. 524072

>>524020
>Being that paranoid over a single avatar doesn't seem healthy to me.
Shut the fuck up. Women NEED to trust their intuition more because we intuitively know when a moid is going to ruin our lives, even if we can't explain it or it seems trivial.

>>524045
>w the astolfo stuff he really could just be a lost weeb (i hope for the best)
Trust your instincts. Men who are into astolfo and trapshit in general are terminally online. Hell, nowadays men into anime in general is a red flag, nevermind liking femboy/traps. He probably jerks it to femboys 5 times a day. Is that really the kind of man you want to spend months or years of your life with?

No. 524341

>>524045
I agree with the other anons here that the astolfo femboy memes (and former severe porn addiction) are bigger red flags than having a female avatar in stardew valley. When I first read your post I didn't know what you would be worried about but those trap/femboy memes are not normal shit that normal 'nerds' like or should even be aware of. I also agree with >>524072 that you should trust your instincts. Is there a subtle way you can try to get more information, like if you see him liking or sharing one of the femboy memes could you segue into a conversation about it (pretend to be nonjudgmental) and see if he lets anything slip? The problem is though that even if he feels safe talking to you he could still be in the phase where he's still in denial himself, and that doesn't mean he won't troon out later.

Talking about how 'it's his job as a man' to do things is a sign he believes in gender ideology generally, but it's not really that much of a tell as a lot of straight men believe that shit, AGP or not. Have you talked about troons or gender ideology with him at all so far?

No. 524365

>>523993
Ok i was gonna say youre overreacting but no youre not, hes 100% gonna troon out someday

No. 524379

>>524341
i’ve asked him about the astolfo stuff and told him i find it cringe and he says he finds it cringe too and that it’s all ironic, he just likes Fate (i tried to be nonjudgmental about it bc we joke about each other being “cringe” which of course we are). i’ve also talked about him being into femboys/being closeted and he’s like do you think i’d be this turned on by you if i was actually gay which. pretty good point since the sex is very good sadly… and no, haven’t talked about troons/being gender critical at all. i fear he’ll find me schizophrenic. also with prior porn usage it’d be once a day-every two days but who knows maybe he lied. i try not to judge much given the current state of men and i do appreciate him stopping for me (i trust him, might be stupid of me to do so, but he says its retarded to watch porn while having a gf)
i’m gonna try asking him why he has a female avatar now that we’re gonna play stardew. he has seen me being uneasy and is trying to get me to open up about it but i just cant lol.. thank you all nonas for your help, means a lot to this lurker turned newfag

No. 524410

>>524379
>he says he finds it cringe too and that it’s all ironic
God, moids are so pathetic. This is a common line with them. They say it's all "ironic" and that they were "memed into it." Yet they still indulge their shitty fetishes. By the way, men are great at compartmentalizing things. He can be attracted to and lust after traps/femboys and find you attractive too. I'd be cautious with this guy.

No. 524436

>>524379
Moids always say the 'jokes' and 'humor' they like are just ironic but the type of humor they engage with is a pretty good indicator of what they actually think and like, it just gives them plausible deniability when it's a 'joke.' Like other anons said those memes aren't even funny to non-gendies, what's funny about them unless you find the femboy shit relatable?

>i’ve also talked about him being into femboys/being closeted and he’s like do you think i’d be this turned on by you if i was actually gay

Lots of AGPs are straight (the remainder being bisexual) and many of them have long successful marriages prior to trooning so this isn't a convincing argument at all. Also if you think he'll find you schizo for airing GC views then you already know he's a gendie, normal males are all anti-troon even if they like gender roles and only play along with troonshit to appeal to liberal women. Plus if you're scared to talk to your totally soulmate boyfriend about your views I think you don't have as deep a relationship as you are presenting here, people in deep successful relationships don't fear talking to each other about their views.

>also with prior porn usage it’d be once a day

So severe addiction. If he just 'stopped porn because he has a gf' he basically is admitting to seeing you as a porn replacement. Anyway I think your worries are reasonable but if you want to find out it might be more effective to pretend to be cool with the femboy memes and gently push him to talk more about this stuff since if you make it obvious you're unhappy with this he's likely to just try harder to hide it and lie.

No. 524452

>>523967
The stardew valley thing is probably nothing. I play as a male in that game everytime cause I want to watch boys kiss. The astolfo coomer memes…. urgh. Yeah that is bad. I would shame him for that shit. Femboys are peak gooner and literally every male into that says he's "ironically" into it. That entire culture is about "ironically" being a pervert. Tell him when he shares astolfo memes it makes you see him as a homosexual and it's a turn off.

No. 524483

>>524452
If she tells him that it will likely just make him hide it from her more which will just mean it's harder for her to figure out if he's actually on the cusp of trooning.

No. 524547

File: 1744235164953.gif (336.64 KB, 500x375, 1738760528497401.gif)

>>523264
>>523511
SAMEFAG I HAVE MY FIRST DATE SOON WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO TO NOT FUCKING OVERWHELM MYSELF??!?!?!! Holy shit I could not stop nervously smiling over the phonecall we had and now while thinking about it. I already planned to possibly do something with him on Friday so this is great and I successfully swerved a "maybe you can come over and we can watch a movie or something", while making our date early enough that we might be able to "hang out" after we get something to eat or drink before I get home. I'm slightly less nervous about him picking me up from my house and my parents asking me where I'm going/ who that is when I have been an adult for years, but I know they're going to start some snooping bullshit no matter what I do. Help me not be a blushing mess nonas, you're my only hope at evolving from khhv status without making a fool of myself

No. 524647

File: 1744245220606.png (114.92 KB, 595x540, 1743785341529.png)

Nonnies please help I am tired of seeking relationships on online platforms..I want to develop one in real life naturally. How do I approach a guy I'm attracted to?? He's in one of my lecture classes.

No. 524715

Guys always complain about girls not giving enough, but where do you find guys that actually appreciate the effort? I work full time and come home and cook for him, I give him affection, massages, words of affirmation, and moral support through stressful times. I get him small gifts like pastries or things he likes. I never complain when he wants to go out with friends or do things that interest only him. I make sure to acknowledge when he cleans the house or goes out of his way to fix something. I am received with lukewarm appreciation at best and emotional distance at worst. I don't mean to sound like a pick-me, & I don't do these things because they are part of a checklist. I just genuinely love him and want to show my love. If you go on reddit you'll see all these moids say all they want is a blowjob and laundry done: I give all of this and so much more and he still seems unsatisfied and emotionally checked out. I am, on paper, a decent quality girlfriend and I get little in return for it. Sometimes I feel like I could drop half the shit I do for him and he wouldn't notice. Do men who actually show appreciation and reciprocation actually exist or are scrotes just jaded and broken?

No. 524717

>>524715
Cheat on him

No. 524731

>>524715
Why are you with him? I'm curious.

No. 524747

>>524715
Why are you doing all of that for a moid? I know you answered the question already with 'I just genuinely love him' but why do you love a nasty unappreciative scrote who doesn't act loving toward you enough to act like his simpering house slave? The real way to show love is to want the people you love to be good people and hold them to high standards, not flit around them waiting on them hand and foot while they act like little emperors.

>Do men who actually show appreciation and reciprocation actually exist

Yes but (sorry to be harsh) they probably aren't dating women who act like you described yourself acting here. Moids who see women as equals and love them are going to seek out women who act with dignity and self-respect and are going to be naturally uncomfortable with overly mothering behavior from their girlfriends. They will appreciate the gestures you do for them because they normally do them themselves and understand how much effort they require. Your little emperor isn't appreciative of what you're doing because if he accepts it at all it means he thinks your natural role is to dote on him and act as his mommy bangmaid. I physically cringed reading your description of what you do, so any moid who actually loves/cares for you would as well.

>>524647
Just find some pretext to 'casually' talk to him and start a friendship. Sit near him, look at him and offhandedly make a comment/joke if something funny or interesting in class happens, etc. It's easier to meet people irl through friends or at social events though, it's really hard to pick people up in a lecture.

No. 524758

>>524715
Do not do this… I have learned this lesson. If you shower him with praise and affection he will not appreciate it, if anything it lowers your value in his eyes. It's like something fundamental in men's brains, they like the chase, and if they chase is backwards it makes them think they should be doing better. Seriously next time you date try being more self-interested (not narcissistic just more focused on your own goals and comfort) men go nuts for it. Reddit men will say they want women to buy them flowers and ask them out but men are retarded and don't know what they want. If you try romancing a man the way a man usually romances women, it just makes them treat you like a doormat.

No. 525004

>>524758
i second this.
my bf is extremely sweet and caring but as much as i like him, i made him chase me for a little while. seeing how a man handles delayed gratification and seeing what kinds of hoops they're willing to jump through for you when their feelings are new and at their strongest are both important pieces of information to have before committing to a relationship with someone.

No. 525047

im functionally asexual and probably "aromantic" as well. i am content with having friendships and platonic affection, living for myself, being as selfish as i want to. i dont crave the nuclear family lifestyle or see it as a natural goal the way other people do. instead of dreaming of marriage and babies and my handsome future husband, i condition myself into wanting it. i know that some other people my age are also happy singles who choose to be childfree, so i dont think there is anything "wrong" with me per se. i could categorize myself as that second genre of people, however… i actually want kids one day.
i have a lot of pressure on me to have a family and kids, that i have mostly put on myself. it's an ego thing, because the bloodline dies on me, and i have a rich family history plus a lot of things to leave for the next generation. that is the selfish reason. i also kind of like kids, hanging out with them, teaching them, and i could 100% see myself in the role of a parent. so i do believe that this desire to have kids is partly genuine, no matter how i try to rationalize it.
i, however, struggle to see myself in the role of a wife. i found a 3dpd normie without sexual/emotional baggage who wants to get married and have kids, and the idea is really appealing. i don't "love" him, though. i can't say that out loud because it sounds evil. i feel like i see him as a tool, and i tell myself that this is how moids see women by default anyway.
my "happiest" relationship was with a gay-in-denial catholic moid who was in the same boat as me- wanting to have children without the burden of spousal affection. we were platonically affectionate and never expected sex from one another. however, being a gay moid he was very petty and emotionally unstable, leading to our break up.
the normie is stable and kind, but i feel like im hurting him by not being sexually attracted to him.
is there any hope for me, or am i too autistic to function?

No. 525049

>>524715
My bf basically does all this for me but what that makes me want to do is make myself better and improve myself so that I can match his effort and energy put into our relationship. If I behaved like the way your bf behaved, we’d both be miserable and would want to break up

No. 525052

>>524715
You are loving a man like he is a woman. An emotionally healthy man doesn't want for you to serve him like a slave; he wants to do everything for you and make your life easier and see you thrive. He wants you to have standards and expectations of him. A man who lets you take care of him is mentally broken and incapable of love. Yes, certain types of scummy men say they want all these things, but deep down, it only makes them feel useless and worthless. They end up taking it out on you and it is never worth it. A decent moid would see all the effort you're putting in, feel guilty, and return it tenfold.

Everything you are doing you should be doing for a female friend or female family member, not your moid.

No. 525123

>>524715
The more you do for a man, the less he will do for you

No. 525143

>>524715
You're the placeholder gf he keeps around for the obvious many benefits until the woman he wants to marry comes around.

Reminder that life for men is always more comfortable with a girlfriend than it is without.

No. 525295

>>524547
Sounds like your date is planned out well. I would just be upfront about being nervous, there's no chance you'll feel any other way so you might as well tell him how you feel. It's your choice about whether or not to disclose your khhv status (I would personally hold off until somewhere around the second-third date), but being nervous, even a lot, for a date is quite normal and I think he'll be flattered, even. Just remember to vet him as a partner as well and don't get stuck in the flattery of being "chosen". Gl and have fun!

No. 525602

>>524379
Samefag, hi nonas I sadly caved in to the pressure because holding this in made me feel physically unwell. Basically had a (pretty minor, tbh) breakdown and talked to him about all my concerns regarding troonery because unfortunately in the past I was stalked by a troon skinwalker and had a year long relationship with a guy who turned out to have a yuri obsessed type of agp. I basically told my current moid that I was concerned (given his prior porn usage) mostly coming from a place of bad experiences and not “transphobia” as it’s commonly known (which to be fair yeah, it’s the case, i’m even dysphoric myself). He was super comforting and understanding and sweet to me and told me I had nothing to worry about with him, with the astolfo/femboy memes I fear I kinda made it sound like an ongoing issue but it was like three or four pictures he had saved from like 2018 lmao. He reassured me that he doesn’t see me as a porn replacement and that he’s glad I made him quit, I even asked about the stuff he used to watch before and he told me he was never into femboys or that type of shit (basically keeps telling me I’m everything he’s ever been attracted to). My problem nonas is I do have a lot of trust issues and I want to believe him so bad but I find it kinda hard with my previous experiences, I feel like I might also be delusional and buying into lies because I do like this guy a lot. I want to be sure he is a good choice because I don’t want another horror story. I’m trying to trust my instincts because I do feel so very comfortable and safe with him and I want that to be the truth. How does one learn to trust again?

No. 525603

>>525602
Also I am aware that opening up would lead to him further “hiding” it from me if there Were any actual issues, and i feared that a lot, but I took the risk anyways because I don’t want to be in a relationship in which I have to be strategizing what I do and just bottle up everything in the meantime. This is one of my main concerns when dating, I guess it’s all trust issues. I do feel much better about talking to him about it, like a weight was lifted

No. 525610

>>525295
>remember to vet him as a partner
Nta but what does that mean?

No. 525775

I'm coming up on a year since I dated a friend of mine and he ended up pump and dumping me and telling me the entire friendship was fake. We'd been friends for years. I'm in a different relationship now, but I still feel strongly resentful of this guy whenever I see him. I want to be moved on completely, I'm tired of having an emotional reaction to this guy. But I also get mad whenever I think about what a complete piece of shit he is, and I'm mad that he got to do such an awful thing to me with 0 consequences (besides hitting the wall since). How to let go of this?

No. 525837

File: 1744392959069.jpg (162.72 KB, 1080x1440, tumblr_e6b6af80ab55b56af58411d…)

>>524547
>>525295
The date was for next week, not today…. but that's okay with me because I realize now I was really caught up in "this person asked me out I was chosen omg a chance to finally have sex" perverted mood. We just talked through phone for almost 40 minutes about various things, and I looked him up in his workplace's staff directory and it's confirmed he works there. The only big thing is his age which I told my parents is 2 years younger than it actually is when they demanded information, but he's my type and good looking enough for it to not matter to me, plus I asked it at the very end of when he gave his number. I realize though that I look younger than I am, so I wonder if I was asked out because I look younger or if someone actually liked how I look enough to take a chance and ask me out. I know a part of that thought is my own self consciousness and loneliness talking so whatever happens I hope I at least have a nice time with this. Thank you nonnie, your advice helped me ground myself and think things over clearly

No. 526453

>>523668
Me again. I took advice and criticism on board, then had a sit down with him to talk it out. He was really viewing his childhood with rose-tinted glasses and wanted his own children to have that same big family atmosphere he felt was so important to his upbringing. I noted that his house had 3 full grown women to handle those kids and even the youngest of his cousins' kids will be too old to play with our own; in essence, it just won't be the same. I've convinced him to start getting a little separation from the kids, put into practice the self-reliance and resourcefulness he's tried so hard to impart, and make room for the next phase of our life by just letting go a little. Their mothers aren't terribly happy, but they understand my worries completely and we've found a nice middle ground, so they'll just take the hit for my sake by bringing back a little of their own stress. He'll still see them and our kids will have a connection to their extended family, but it won't be as stressful for either of us.

No. 526566

>>526453
Sounds good anon, I'm glad we get a positive update in this thread for once.

No. 527216

>>526453
That's good to hear anon, glad this ended with him actually taking your concerns seriously instead of brushing them off. I hope it all works out well!

No. 527297

I wish my boyfriend would court me more. He never flirts or touches me really, thought he does give me a lot of compliments. He is very sweet and kind and does a lot for me, treats me very well, but I miss playfulness and romantic/sexual teasing. Sex also feels mechanical, even though he always makes sure to try to please me and make me cum. Idk it almost feels more like a friendship than a romantic relationship. I do think he has undiagnosed autism so maybe thats why. I have autism too, but sex is very important to me, while it doesn't seem important to him at all. I just miss feeling more lusted and desired, he does tell me he desires me but I wish he would show it as well. I am getting bored of kisses only being chaste pecks and maybe getting a few hugs and compliments. It sorts feels like I have the love life of an 80 year old. Like he is the nicest guy I've been with, but I am missing the feeling of being wanted.

No. 527372

>>527297
What are we supposed to do about that? Talk to him about it, not us

No. 527392

>>527372
I have and he says he wants to change but nothing happens

No. 527736

>>527297
>>527392
now you have to start weighing your options. i went through something very similar although he withdrew from sex entirely for multiple years. sex is very important to me so i left because i started getting desires to cheat. he said he wanted to change but never tried to change while i was the one carrying all the pain that comes with scrambling to cope and fix the problem and try to find out how to motivate him to change.

No. 527860

>>527297
Definitely could be autism, but is there any chance he could be gay?

No. 527878

>>527860
Some people are just low libido kek

No. 527879

>>527297
Then …leave?

No. 527928

>>527392
Have you told hm you're unsatisfied? If he's not listening after you've told him multiple times, then he's not as sweet and kind as you say he is.

No. 527970

>>527928
I mean he'll happily have sex or try to please me if I ask, but I'm not sure he can actually change into being a more sexual person even if he tries to. Its like it isn't on his mind.

>>527736
Yeah I think you're right. I think I'll give it another 6 months.

No. 528047

>>527297
what do you wish he did differently?

No. 528094

Is there anything you can do to subtly encourage your nigel to be more confident in himself or is that something they have to do on their own? I chose him because I liked how gentle and soft-spoken he was(he lets me make most of the decisions) but watching him let people who aren't me walk all over him is somehow unattractive kek

No. 528315

>>528094
I would just straight-up tell him it's unattractive/embarrassing and hope he tries to change. You can point out the situations where you notice him letting people walk all over him and ask him why he did that/accepted that treatment and maybe you'll get some insight as to why. Some moids grow out of this a bit as they get older but a lot of the time if someone is like that it's because they don't realize it's a bad thing or were just raised to be very people pleasing so the only way to get them to snap out of it is if they realize people who care about them suffer watching them be like that. It could also be bad for you down the line because if he lets people walk all over him he'll probably let them walk all over you too, that's usually how it works with people pleasers.

No. 528516

File: 1744670730182.jpeg (Spoiler Image,97.84 KB, 797x750, IMG_2007.jpeg)

So my boyfriend posted this picture of himself, a clothed full body picture but in it you can clearly see the outline of his penis. It’s worth noting he has a very large one (I’m remarking on this neutrally here, it’s just a fact) and he has a LOT of followers on social media. Is this net casting? On one hand, maybe he just wants to post a nice picture of himself, because he was dressed formally but on the other it’s like the dick is a focal point. I couldn’t see why someone would post that picture specifically unless it was to fish for compliments or thirsty DMs. Tbh I’m not sure about him in general, it feels like he barely likes me or thinks of me. Am I being schizo for thinking this is casting the net?

No. 528536

>>528516
Where is it

No. 528544

>>528536
The lack of the obviousness I thought it had makes me realize I might be having a schizo moment.. on the left. That’s a relief.

No. 528574

File: 1744674294035.jpg (968.39 KB, 1080x1290, 4574304.jpg)

I think my only chance of finding a virgin moid who doesn't watch porn is dating a heavily Christian one. Is there any merit to them? If there is, any specific denomination I should look for? I'm an atheist but have some familial ties to orthodox Christianity. I think it would be kinda hot to have a cute mega prudish bf/husband who's completely absorbed in the religion. Theoretically, he should be loyal and loving to me. I would probably enjoy his christ sperging and I've always been interested in the aesthetics of Christianity after growing up in a very religious setting. Is there a chance he'll chimp out like any other scrote or will his faith keep him grounded? Am I being too idealistic about this type of moid?

No. 528620

>>528574
Literally my brother is what you’re looking for lmao. He’s a Greek Orthodox Christian fanatic.

No. 528624

>>528574
>Theoretically, he should be loyal and loving to me.
Christianity is about putting the man on the pedestal, the woman is his servant. So he expects YOU to be loyal and loving to him, not the other way around.

No. 528626

>>528574
no actually religious moid would date an atheist/larping christian, retard

No. 528628

>>528574
You essentially want to date Jesus. Become a nun and marry him.

No. 528778

>>528574
Religiousfags are the worst type of moids, avoid at all cost especially if you're atheist.

No. 528781

>>528574
You sound like you have a romanticized image of Christianity to be honest. Read the bible front to back if you haven't done so as an adult before you decide you want a guy who's deeply devoted to it.

>>528626
Nah that's not entirely true, I've seen biblebelt Christians date non-Christians they met in school settings, but they expect you to convert for them. But most of these men date and marry within their church community so if anon isn't in one, she isn't that likely to find a deeply religious guy in the first place

No. 528821

>>528781
NTA but biblebelt moids are kind of different (culturally and religiously) than deeply religious moids from tradreligions like Orthodox Christianity. I actually have had some overall really good experiences with deeply religious moids (not of the American biblebelt/Mormon variety, but of tradreligions like Orthodox/Catholicism) compared to other moids but it's pretty rare to find one that doesn't take the whole misogynistic Man Leads Woman Follows part too literally. Also most of the ones I know are old now and didn't grow up with porn and internet access. I also think what this nonna seems to be looking for is an ascetic monk type who happens to want a girlfriend and that type of moid is the least likely to ever date an atheist girl (or to date at all since a lot of these types are basically repressed gay moids and that's why they're so into asceticism).

>>528574
That being said nonna you're probably better off just finding a younger guy from a fairly strict/traditional family who isn't hyperreligious himself if you want a virgin moid who doesn't watch porn, or a guy who's really into sports or something since guys who spend a ton of time outside, being active, and hanging out with male friend groups are significantly less likely to be coomers. But honestly as you get above the age of like 22-23 it's going to be increasingly difficult to find a virgin moid to date. There definitely are some religious moids who are serious about it but aren't super ultra trad and woman-hating but that's a really rare type of person you're unlikely to meet anywhere except maybe Church especially in some rural farming community. Most of the men I've met where I could honestly say their faith seems to keep them grounded got into religion a bit later in life often after some traumatic event or difficult life period, the ones raised in religious sperg families are more likely than not severely repressed and messed up. Also it's not a good idea to date someone with extremely serious belief systems that don't match yours, in general.

No. 528838

>>528047
Initiate sex. We have been together 3 years and he hasn't initiated once. Wouldn't even have to lead to sex, if he would just touch me sexually out of his own desires once in a while I would be happy. Like playfully touching my butt or grabbing my waist. I don't want my boyfriend to be a machine where I have to press a button for sex

No. 528847

>>528574
It seems cute as a fantasy, but religious moids are illogical and childish in a way where they will put their fairy tales above the opinions of their loved ones. Eventually it will start to piss you off. Plenty of them are still into porn as well. They might find mainstream porn disgusting, but they will be into hentai, diapers, crossdressing, and other weird shit. Maybe you can get lucky if you find a guy who had a religious helicopter mom who homeschooled him and supervised his internet access to keep him from looking at porn. The only way it can work long-term is if you're able to talk him out of his religion.

No. 528968

>>528516
whats his @? for research purposes

No. 528970

>>528574
>Am I being too idealistic about this type of moid?
absolutely, give it up and set more realistic standards this is retarded lol

No. 528988

>>528516
I’m blind can someone circle where it is because I can’t see

No. 528997

>>528536
>>528988
Well that answers her question I think

No. 529269

>>528516
you're not being schizo nonnie. my bf purposely crops his bulge out of pictures (and sends the uncropped versions to me only). if ur bf loved u he'd do the same.

No. 529274

>>529269
Anon is schizo because there is nothing there

No. 529308

File: 1744758547610.png (479.51 KB, 637x600, penus.png)

>>528536
>>528988
>>528997
Here, I thought it was super obvious but I guess it's good to know I was just being a schizo.
>>529269
But this also seems true, he should be doing better.

No. 529311

>>528970
Kill yourself XY(alogging/scrotefoiling)

No. 529314

>>528574
You're asking for very little. Loyalty is the bare minimum, better be alone than settle for trash

No. 529368

>>523104
>>523444
I took the advice you anons gave and there has been improvement. Still a WIP. Make outs are a lot more pleasant and foreplay is getting better. What he is struggling with now is performance anxiety but he listens to how I want to be pleased until I cum. I don't know if there is anything I can do to help with his anxiety. Probably a better question for the sex advice thread.

No. 529390

>>529314
Asking for loyalty is completely reasonable but wanting some ultraorthodox christian moid who also happens to be very feminist, straight, and desirous of an atheist girlfriend might be a bit much. Ultraorthodox christian moids are rare to begin with and most of them are in pretty insular communities and looking for partners who share their belief system. I think she's better off just casting her net wider and looking for men with these personality traits but not necessarily this religious background.

No. 529412

>>528574
Oh baby, the heavily Christians scrotes are always guilty about stuff, he will probably watch real rape videos , CP or trannies.

No. 529413

>>528516
You literally can’t see anything kek, you’re a retard

No. 529414


No. 529457

>>528574
i think you are being to idealistic. Remember that a religious man is still a man.
Being religious doesnt mean he will be loyal or truthful. If you are an atheist id just date another atheist.

No. 529463

File: 1744804929153.jpg (10.57 KB, 275x275, thinkinghat.jprg.jpg)

I apologize in advance for what is going to be a long and confusing textpost but what do i do ? Im currently dating my boyfriend who Ive been with for about a month now. We started seeing each other about 4 months ago. My issue is that we've had multiple discussions already and im starting to become insecure about my place.
For context: I have had multiple long term relationships, some of which ended because i turned out to be the "second choice" for the man i was dating at the time. One left me for the female best friend the other told me a few months in that he has a crush on someone from his uni. My bf hasnt had really any long term relationships (longest real relationship was 5 months) only situationship because the women he was with didnt want anything serious/didnt want to call it a relationship. So he doesnt have any real experience with serious dating. Like I said the issue is weve had multiple discussions. One thing we discussed was he didnt want me at a party his classmate is throwing ( I didnt wanna go with him, im friends with another classmate of his that wanted me to be her plus 1) because he keeps "school, friends and relationships separate". And also because he used to have a situationship with a classmate of his and doesnt want rumors to get out of hand (theres currently a rumor going around about his ex not showing up to school because hes dating me)
Over the course of the discussion he told me that i could in fact come and that he may need to adjust his thinking about keeping these things separate.
I am still insecure though.
It feels like its less about keeping things separate and more about still keeping his ex in a way? He doesnt hang out with her one on one but he still texts her first thing in the morning about school when i have to wait till like 10 AM for a good morning text.
He also had a few things of hers in his apartment (clothes, pads etc) and it took me bringing it up two times for him to move her stuff to his car (he still hasn't given it to her).
I feel like if i bring it up ill be labeled as the insecure girlfriend and he'll be fed up with me but i dont know if i can just ignore it.

No. 529464

>>529463
Same person
Id also like to add that im 21 and hes 24.
I think its also important to mention that they only broke it off (him and his classmate) around october and they had an abortion around may last year.
Im not judinging because Ive also had an abortion when i was 18 however i went through it alone. They went through it together, told her parents together etc. Im glad she had what i didnt but i feel like this may have created a bond in a way?
I just feel like he mights still be hung up on her, especially with how short of a timeframe hes had to dealt with it
Im very scared that I'll either always fear being the second choice or bring it up and end up getting broken up with anyway for being too insecure

No. 529467

>>529463
If you're not the woman he prioritizes, you're not first choice. I'm sorry.

No. 529469

>>529467
thats the thing though im not sure if he actually prioritizes her over me. Everything ive listed can be explained away its just a nagging feeling i have.

No. 529472

>>529463
I'm sorry anon, but if a guy is actually into you, he takes any chance he gets to show you off as his girlfriend. His reluctance to have you in the same space as his friends coupled with this -
>He doesnt hang out with her one on one but he still texts her first thing in the morning about school when i have to wait till like 10 AM for a good morning text.
- probably means that he doesn't actually see you as his girlfriend, and instead is using you to make his ex jealous or just to distract himself. He clearly still has feelings for her. Dump him

No. 529473

>>529469
why is he texting her before you? to me, it implies that she is on his mind first and foremost and you are an afterthought. he seems to be really particular about "keeping things apart" but has no issues having his ex-situationships/classmates stuff at his place? he seems like a shitty moid, drop him for your own good

No. 529477

>>528516
Only thing visible in that photo is that he has pockets stuffed with crap. Only people who see dick there are these who want to see it.

No. 529478

>>529472
he told me that he specifically doesnt want to have me around because he feels like he wont get another chance to hang out with his classmates like this anymore (since hes graduating soon) He also said that in similar circumstances having a girl around made the experience "different".

No. 529480

>>529473
To be fair i only saw him texting her once, when i was half asleep and he was waking up for school, but i also feel like he purposefully doesnt open her messages in front of me. But like i said that could also be explained by just not wanting to talk to her when hes with me and instead responding the next morning.

No. 529489

File: 1744812945549.jpg (12.54 KB, 196x261, images.jpg)

>>529480
nonna, he doesn't fucking like you. he doesn't want you to go to the party because hes probably going with her. hope this helps.

No. 529497

>>529489
lmao nonna.
but then why date me in the first place and call me his girlfriend?

No. 529502

>>529497
Because men enjoy having a placeholder girlfriend who will let him treat her like a dog while he monkey branches to someone he deems better

No. 529516

>>529463
you're the only girl who he managed to get ana ctual relationship with (=easy sex) ; you're rightfully feeling insecure but you'll really be right when you leave him.

> he didnt want me at a party his classmate is throwing ( I didnt wanna go with him, im friends with another classmate of his that wanted me to be her plus 1) because he keeps "school, friends and relationships separate".


that's the least convincing excuse i've ever heard. if he really was into you he'd be so happy to introduce you to everyone in his life.

No. 529518

>>529516
id argue that being in a situationship is easier sex than an actual relationship

No. 529524

>>529463
Jesus nona this guy is a total player and noncommital weirdo. The fact hes had so many "situationships" is a big red flag to me, and especially the fact hes still talking to them?? A guy should never be making you feel insecure, especially only a few weeks into a relationship. I feel like your future self will be glad you left him which I hope you do

No. 529529

>>529518
You are in a situationship, he is just letting you believe its a relationship bc its easier for him to fool you that way.

No. 529541

>>529518
you don't deserve all the advice you're being given. you're being told clear as day that you mean nothing to this man and you're still caping for him. wake up nonna. he literally sends his ex good morning texts, youre worth less to him than a wad of gum on the bottom of his shoes

No. 529555

>>529463
Any man you've been dating kind of seriously who won't introduce you to his friends is a weirdo. A month is kind of short but I don't think its too short for friends if he's serious about you. Why wouldn't he want to introduce you to his friends? Maybe he is truthful saying "I like to keep things separate", but he doesn't say why, and the "why" is "it'll be less awkward if things go south". So he's already not expecting for things to last with you. If he was, and if he was proud of dating you, he'd be showing you off.

No. 529602

>>529497
For a lot of men it's more comfortable to have a woman in their lives than to be single. It's absolutely a thing for men to settle or keep a stand-in girlfriend around to profit from the sex, companionship, emotional labour and physical labour around the home. I'm not saying with 100% certainty that's what's happening here but don't be naive either.

No. 529612

>>529463
girl gtfoutta this mess. one thousand percent he is still dating that girl and using you for sex, that man is not in any sort of relationship with you.

No. 529725

>>529518
do you realize that the pool of potential chumps would dramatically lessen for guys like that if they were honest about just wanting a situationship? there are unique perks as well for a guy when a girl believes he's serious about her too, even if it takes more work. in any case you probably need to reaccess your priorities in life because you think it's normal to be treated like a skeleton in the closet. the excuse he gave is an extremely popular one for fuckboys, too, kek.

No. 529778

>>529463
>he keeps "school, friends and relationships separate"
Yeah this means he doesn't really like you, I'm sorry. A relationship is when you integrate these things, him trying to hide you/keep you separate means you're a situationship/FWB to him. Everything else you said confirms this, imo you should dump him ASAP if you're looking for an actual boyfriend.

No. 529894

The fact that my boyfriend’s sexually attracted to me disgusts me. How do I get over this?

No. 529927

>>529894
Break up with him and stop having boyfriends. Sounds like you might have some kind of trauma or you're gay so figure out which one and then probably go to therapy if it's trauma? But at any rate you shouldn't be in a sexual relationship if you're freaked out by them being attracted to you, it's bad for both of you.

No. 529937

>>529778
I'm like that, does that mean I should avoid dating until I solve my issues?

No. 530007

>>529937
AYRT and probably at least stop getting into "serious relationships." I think for women there's more legitimate reasons like safety reasons etc. to not immediately introduce your boyfriend to your friends and family than there is for men, who aren't likely to be scared, but if you don't intend to ever introduce him to your friends, have mutual friends, do activities together, or be public with your relationship at school/work if you go to school/work together, then you probably aren't actually serious about the relationship. I think this is something men do more often than women and it's usually because they're fucking around/spinning plates/using you as a stand-in while they look for a woman they actually like so it concerns me more when I hear about men doing it, but what is the point of a serious relationship if you keep someone locked in a strict compartment of your life and don't want them to interact with the rest of your life? I think you can still casually date like this but it's a little deceitful to make someone think you're serious about them when you have no plans to integrate them into your life.

Do you know why you do this anon? Do you also have an ex or male best friend or crush you want to keep your boyfriends away from or is there another reason?

No. 530025

>>529894
Why do you feel disgusted?

No. 530042

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>>530007
I think it's some kind of fear of judgement, my parents (especially my mom) are very judgemental and always made little comments about my friends, so I just stopped talking about my private life to them. If I ever introduced a partner to my mom I would never hear the end of what is wrong with them. As for not introducing a partner to friends I just don't like forcing meetings between people who have nothing in common (just like I never organized birthday parties between my different friend groups). I don't let anything of my private life leak at work for some reason, probably because coworkers =/= friends and they have no business knowing about it. I must add that I'm generally not interested in meeting their friends either, I don't like being "shown off", I'm not some kind of circus animal.

No. 530046

>>530042
AYRT and in that case I kind of take back what you said, I understand the hesitancy to introduce them to your parents (I think that's tough for most people) and if it's just a matter of not forcing meetings between people who have nothing in common I think it's fine. The anon complaining about her bf doing this wanted to go to the party with a different person and her boyfriend was trying to prevent her from doing that, which I think is different than just feeling like you don't want to 'force things.' I guess ask yourself if you would still want to keep your boyfriends apart from your friends even if they wanted to meet or were in mutual friend groups together - if yes then there's probably something else going on, but if no I think it's fine. Just consider that if you were in a long term partnership you'd probably have to do things together like hosting social gatherings in your home together etc. so past a certain point it would become really unnatural to keep your friend groups entirely separate.

No. 530163

>>530046
I think I'm just a control freak who feels the need to compartmentalize everything or else I fear everything will go wrong. I don't plan on having serious relationships long term (I have zero interest in cohabitation, marriage or children) so as long as it remains like this it'll be fine, but I'm aware most people don't want to live like this either.

No. 530250

>>530163
If you don't have any interest in cohabitation and such I don't really think it's a problem. It's a problem when men try to trick women into thinking they are having a serious relationship while actually hiding them from the public, but as long as you're open with love interests that you don't want the normal dating relationship before things get serious in their minds that's just a weird relationship style you have to navigate and explain to people.

No. 530999

>>528838
>Initiate sex. We have been together 3 years and he hasn't initiated once.
>>527297
definitely some sort of tism where he doesn't want to do something wrong and offend you because he can't read between the lines.

No. 531859

>>529894
Some of you are simply retards

No. 532303

>>531859
people with these tendencies need to stay single or be extremely up front about this shit and stop blindsiding people who have good intentions while expecting sex in a relationship. it's not just moids who crave sex and sometimes on this site there seems to be a population of posters who think otherwise.

No. 532484

Currently in a relationship that has lasted a bit more than 3 years with a dude. It’s healthy, not rocky at all. He trust me pretty much although he’s not trusting of other men around me who are straight and single.

My best friend (who is my ex cuz we dated when we were younger but has been friends with me for longer) and I are planning to meet each other again at the country he lives in at the time for more than two weeks. I’d be staying at his place.

My boyfriend has stated he doesn’t feel any jealousy torwards my friend but I know he could feel weird if I stayed at his place. I also have this irrational (prolly OCD) fear of cheating on him by staying at my best friend’s house for so long. Am I insane for being afraid of this? Maybe im afraid of my friend overstepping my boundaries and me not being capable of processing it, despite fully knowing he’a the type of guy who would never hurt anyone let alone me. I freeze in those situations. And I’m still very much afraid of men.
If I were single I probably wouldn’t be so afraid but the fear could ruin my fun vacation and I don’t want that to happen.

No. 532513

>>532484
>moid best friend who was an ex
>staying at his place for more than 2 weeks
>boyfriend would feel weird about you staying at his place
>irrational fear of cheating on him
>very much afraid of men
Wow, this reads like bait. What are you expecting to get out of posting this here in the relationship advice thread?

No. 532516

What's the difference beween relationship, situationship, and friends with benefits?

No. 532571

>>532516
>Relationship
Two people in a fully committed relationship. They call eachother boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/fiance(e). Typically monogamous.
>Situationship
Two retards have been chatting over the internet, meet up and have sex sometimes, and text each other cutesy shit. It's just two retards scared of communication and commitment pretending to be in a relationship without using the icky words to call it that. Prone to total ghosting and also cheating that isn't really cheating because it's not a relationship.
>friends with benefits
Either between two very well-adjusted people who enjoy sex and their combined sexual charisma, or two retards wherein one is simply using the other for sex and one is secretly hoping to be picked and chosen for a real relationship. Typically too delicate of a position for it to be handled with the clear boundaries it calls for.

No. 532923

>>532484
if you have a fear of cheating and you have been with this guy for three years, are you really that into him? it sounds like you may have latent feelings for your friend.

No. 532946

>>532516
relationship is two people who have made a long term commitment to each other. refer to eachother as boyfriend/girlfriend or analogous terms.
situationship is when one party in a casual sex arrangement confuses the other by leading them on and making them think a relationship is going to blossom from the situationship. usually perpetrated by moids to extract sex and emotional labor from women. different from casual dating because in casual dating, expectations are usually laid out directly.
friends with benefits is sleeping together with no strings attached and no expectations of a relationship. an fwb arrangement can quickly turn into a situationship without proper communication.

No. 533042

>>532484
I guess I'll play the devil's advocate but I don't think you should stay over at your ex's place. If any random anon here would complain about her bf staying over with his female best friend/ex's place for two weeks, we'd all tell her to break up with him. I think it's not done even if you didn't have these weird "OCD" feelings.

No. 533043

Is there any point in sharing my feelings with my moid? I am falling apart and suicidal and there is no psychiatric help available in my shitass country. One part of my concern is as always feeling of disconnection as I am no longer interested in any of the stuff that used to bring us together and there is some other shit as well. But I wonder if its a self perpetuating problem for me since I don't want to share any sort of my deeper sensibilities with others because I have been bullied and ostracized by peers my whole life. It would be logical to address the only person that somewhat cares, but its not like he will get it or have anything to propose to solve it. If anything I'd just rub my negativity onto him without any betterment.

No. 533054

>>533043
boyfriends may not always be able to help you fix your problems, but they are supposed to lend you an ear and emotionally support you and be there for you

No. 533066

>>533054
I'm not really scared of him rejecting me or something but I wonder if there is any practical point in doing it

No. 533073

>>533066
From a mental health perspective it's good to share your burden even if the person you share it with can't actively do anything about it for you. Bottling it all up isn't good.

No. 533098

>>533066
If he can't emotionally support you, what's the point? Men are supposed to lighten the emotional load and enrich your life in every way. If he doesn't do that he's useless as a man. Better find out sooner rather than later.

No. 533100

>>532484
>I are planning to meet each other again at the country he lives in at the time for more than two weeks. I’d be staying at his place.
>ex
>fear of cheating on him
Yeah your ass needs to be broken off with kek, hope he leaves you because staying at your ex for two weeks is asshole behavior and given that you harbor feelings too it’s pretty inconsiderate of you.

No. 534191

File: 1745348377136.jpg (19.97 KB, 475x515, mb7o068scov41.jpg)

I've been pining after a woman for years now. When we first met it was some insane head over heels type shit, I just instantly felt this very strong connection. She was dating someone at the time so I didn't feel right to burden her with my feelings, but it's been literal years now and I've tried to move on with other relationships but they don't last and I'm still hit with such strong feelings for this person. Do I confess to her to try to move on? I don't think she would want to date me just because we don't currently live in the same city (but I would move for her if she wanted me to, I work remote). She means so much to me and I don't want her to feel like she needs to stop being around me like I'm some moid who'd hate and resent her for saying no. Idk anons I don't know why this has gone on so long, why am I stupid

No. 534193

>>534191
>are you a lesbian?
>is she bisexual and stayed with only scrotes?
If yes to all of this the answer is no.

No. 534196

>>534193
We're both bisexual.

No. 534570

>>534196
Go for it if you wouldn’t be the first woman she dates kek.

No. 534593

>>534191
Honestly I think yes you should confess if this is bothering you so much and you can't get over it. First of all from personal experience women usually don't react to love confessions (as long as you don't go overboard) from women the way a lot of moids do or straight people in general, it's unlikely to completely ruin your friendship as long as you're tactful about it. Second, even if it does ruin your friendship or make it awkward for a while, it seems better to at least shoot your shot and get a straight answer about whether she'll ever consider dating you than to pine for years never knowing if you had a chance. Anyway that's what I would do, I guess you have to weigh your options and be honest with yourself about whether you're willing to take the risk to possibly make your friendship awkward (or even end it entirely) but as long as you don't act like a moid who will hate and resent her for saying no, it's better to say something than to regret it forever and to essentially have no dating life because of the 'what ifs' with this woman.

No. 535169

File: 1745455220319.png (1.09 MB, 724x948, husbant.png)

>>524647
Samefag. Nonnas please help I've made contact but I'm scared to actually text him because how I text is very different from how I act and I don't want that to be the first impression he has of me, plus I don't want to build a relationship just off online interactions…How should I proceed?
I apologize, having no relationship experience when I'm over 21 years old has made me retarded.

No. 535335

>>535169
Has he messaged you at all, even just to confirm your number? Make up some BS about not understanding a concept related to your classes. Moids eat that shit up.

No. 535488

>>535169
Just don't try too hard to showcase your sparkling personality over text, keep it mostly brief and use the texting as a pretext to meet up or talk irl. Like the other anon said you can ask him for help with a concept from class or even ask if he wants to study together, anything vaguely signaling interest that can lead back to more irl interactions. Save the 'getting to know him' part more for irl.

No. 535491

>>524647
No scrote would ever compare to Caleb nonnita, I’m sorry.

No. 536343

When my dad first met my boyfriend, he instantly didn't like him. He's not into sports or cars, doesn't hunt and won't drink or smoke, so there's essentially nothing for them to talk about or do together. It was important to me that they at least got along, so he went out of his way make himself more likeable and valuable, which worked. The problem is, it's worked a little too well. While I love my dad, he's not exactly the best father in the world and he's widely known in our small community as the OB (Old Bastard) for good reason. Now they've gone from not speaking at all, to standing around talking about the technical specs of hydraulics, and now rebuilding old machinery together. They're spending so much time together that he's picked up a few of my dad's verbal tics and mannerisms, which has me feeling unsure. I like him the way he is and don't want him to become like the OB and every other man around. I've talked to him about it, but he doesn't see the changes in himself and finds me, suddenly telling him to stop doing what I begged him to do, frustrating. He's made commitments and feels like if he suddenly pulls back now, my dad will really hate him and I'll change my mind again.

In fairness, I have done that a couple of times with small things because I get severe decision paralysis and become indecisive, but what I do not want is him turning into my dad while trying to please me. What should I do here? Just ask him to sacrifice the good will he's built up? Am I just overreacting?

No. 536410

>>536343
Is it about the verbal tics and mannerisms specifically that you take issue with or are you scared it's down hill from here and he's going to become unpleasant or nasty personality/behaviour-wise or maybe pick up on certain opinions or views of your dad's? Without concrete examples I'm inclined to say that little quirks in speech or behaviour aren't going to turn a good natured person into an 'old bastard' probably. Can you be more specific about the verbal tics and mannerisms he's picked up on?

No. 541208

File: 1745996527544.jpg (19.91 KB, 536x697, 1000001683.jpg)

Just found out my boyfriend watches tranny porn. We've been together 4 years I want to kill myself

No. 541209

>>541208
Break up, he’s going to troon out or he’s a faggot

No. 541215

>>536410
I'm scared the little habits will build into real changes in his personality and beliefs. An example would be this: the fact everyone around us is more conservative by default and finds modern politics alien and strange, means he talks about it and has to explain them to people, so he's slowly begun to simplify his political stances on things to make himself more easily understood. Politics is something we love to talk about together, and I find him having to disengage his socially-acceptable beliefs and switch back to his real thoughts. I'm worried the more he spends time with dad, he'll begin to act like him to make socialising with him easier. I really do not want a second watered-down OB in my house.

No. 541294

File: 1746020997051.jpg (15.99 KB, 342x342, joke bear.jpg)

no clue what thread to post in (if this isn't the right one i'll delete kek) but what does it mean if my ex blocks me after we broke up back in september? we don't follow each other nor have we talked at all since we broke up. i'm not upset, just confused why now after so much time has passed.

No. 541299

>>541294
Maybe he's in a new relationship and she told him to block you?

No. 541314

>>541299
that was my original thought, but afaik he doesn't have a new gf. i could be wrong though.

No. 541450

>>541294
We'll never know unless he says why, but personally I would block someone after months of breaking up because I decided I'm starting a new chapter in my life. So kind of symbolic.

No. 541837

>>541215
then why the fuck did you pressure them to hang out together and become more alike? i think you might genuinely be retarded and might have to start from a clean slate.

No. 541850

>>541837
I think that anon has posted in a previous thread complaining that her boyfriend wasn't liked by her family bc he isn't a macho man, wanting to change him and move him into her home. She didn't want to listen to everyone telling her to let that poor man be himself.

No. 542044

File: 1746114311160.jpg (635.49 KB, 982x646, 1000004647.jpg)

Is it normal to interact on social media with old love interests?
My boyfriend still interacts with posts from a woman he liked when they were both teens. It's bothered me since I noticed but I don't know how much of that is my insecurity. I also don't want to be insane and forbid him from interacting with everyone in the world, though it would be nice.

No. 542208

File: 1746130829446.jpg (6.72 KB, 224x224, 1000017200.jpg)

My bf gave me access to his email and i don't usually snoop but today my curiosity took hold and I went through his sent for some reason.
I saw that he had signed up to perform at an open mic night two years ago, but he canceled the day before his performance. I wonder if his nerves got the better of him, or if something else came up, but my heart strings twung a little at seeing this. He has an amazing sense of humor and I think if he pursued different avenues to express it, he'd be really happy. I know what it's like to have fear/circumstances get in the way of a dream- I'm struggling with the same thing right now. I haven't finished writing something in ages.
I want to suggest he try again- that maybe if I were in the audience it'd be easier to put himself out there (if that was the case, which knowing him it probably was.) But I don't want him to know i was actually snooping. And if it was a bad experience or something, I don't want to bring it up. I just want to support his dreams

No. 542250

I broke up with my first boyfriend. In the grand scheme of things, we haven’t been dating that long- 5 months. At first things felt really good, but then a few months in he told me he felt burnt out and couldn’t keep up with the pace of things (which he initiated by the way). I told him it was okay to pull back a bit and I’d let him know if I needed more. So we did that and it seemed like every time I asked for reassurance that he still wanted to be in a relationship with me or told him I wanted to see him more, he started to question whether he could make me happy and that would only make me feel even more insecure. I guess he felt he was doing enough for me so whenever I asked him for reassurance,it made him question everything. And then he’d want to see me even less. I just felt so sad about how things were going that I decided to end it because I couldn’t handle feeling that way anymore- wondering when the next time I was going to see him was, if I was giving him enough space, etc.

It makes me sad because I really liked him. He was as close to my ideal type as any guy I’ve met. And he showed me how nice a relationship can be, because I was pretty closed off to them before. I just hope I made the right choice. I obviously can’t take it back either way. And since this is my first relationship, it’s also my first break up so any advice on how to get through it is appreciated.

No. 542252

>>542250
Also if you feel like I was stupid and fucked everything up, I’m happy to hear feedback on that too. I really want my next relationship (if I ever have one) to work out.

No. 542257

File: 1746135591939.jpg (28.33 KB, 400x400, 1672722735898.jpg)

I feel stuck in my relationship and don't know what my next move should be. I've basically been in a relationship with the same person for over a decade. But he hasn't held a job since 6 years ago. He went back to school since then and graduated, and has been out of school for at least 2 years. He works on solo projects, but barely makes any money. The point of the solo projects is to build up a resume, yet he has barely tried applying for jobs (granted my country's job market sucks right now). I support us financially though I don't make enough for the both of us realistically. We're using my tax return to pay for his share of the rent, but after that, I don't know. Even when I've told him how shitty this is for me, he makes promises and hasn't changed/made any effort to make me believe he's changed. He's also got a gross fetish (cuck) and tries to get me involved with it and goes through phases every few months where he's totally pornsick. At this point the only thing keeping me happy is the comfort of knowing someone well and at least has good conversation/insight on things, but he sucks for everything else. I might go back to school too and thinking that might be the time to end things since I don't want to be supported someone like this my whole life. Does someone like this ever get better or continue to be parasitic?

No. 542259

>>542208
You could just bring it up like it was your own idea, if he's that funny it would make sense. Or go to an open mic together as a date and suggest it like "hey this is pretty cool and I think you'd be good at this, you should try it sometime"

No. 542275

>>542257
you sound exactly like a good friend i fell out of contact with years ago. i think she got a job as a park ranger last time we spoke. but i'd tell you the same thing, the pain of change is better than the pain of staying the same. i hate that "break up" is always the advice given to women, and its especially hard when you've known/been with someone for so long, but you know that you're unhappy and that things are unlikely to change, so you'll have to change them yourself. otherwise everything will be the same. its up to you. good luck nona

No. 542537

>>542257
>pornsick with cuck fetish
>no job/stable money
Just dump him. He's a useless scrote who can't even make your life easier for you. You're even paying for his share of the rent. Stop engaging with this sunk cost fallacy because you've spent over a decade with this loser. Do you want to spend two decades, three, forever until you both die with someone who can't pull his weight?

No. 542682

>>542044
I do. I think it makes sense because if you liked someone you probably have something in common or got along in some way so unless you had a falling-out or bad breakup or something I think occasionally talking to or even still being friends with former love interests is normal. Personally I still talk to a couple of moids I had crushes on in the past, am still best friends with one of them (he's in my core friend groups and bffs with my female bff, not even sure how I would avoid him if I wanted to without losing my female bff) and am still good friends with a couple of my female exes (invite them to parties, have long conversations, hang out one-on-one). My boyfriend doesn't care but he also knows I'm not going behind his back to have friendships with these people or talking about anything inappropriate with them.

I think whether it is concerning or not has more to do with the nature of the interactions. Like is he liking/making admiring comments on her photos of herself or is he just having normal conversations with her about politics or the trip she went on or something? Is he sending her good night texts or talking to her late into the night after you've gone to sleep? Are the interactions overly flirtatious? Is he ignoring you because he's interacting with her or keeping up with her on a daily basis? Is he being secretive or trying to hide the conversations from you? If yes then I would say it crosses a line but if no I probably personally wouldn't be that worried about it. Everyone's expectations about this in relationships differ though, personally I don't date moids who regularly use social media at all other than messenger type apps to talk to irl friends and I think excessive use of instagram/tiktok correlates with coomerism and most moids who regularly use insta/tiktok follow/like women's sexualized photos whether the moid is looking at women he knows or random women. At the end of the day if it's to the point where it's constantly making you anxious there's probably a reason for that.

>>542208
In my experience standup comedy moids are always fucking obnoxious but you can just bring it up organically without mentioning snooping. If you brought up comedy naturally he will probably mention it to you himself.

>>542250
Just try to do stuff you enjoy and hang out with your friends to keep your mind off the breakup until it starts hurting less. Usually time does that by itself as long as you don't spend too much time ruminating and reminiscing. You probably made the right choice if he was too overwhelmed by your expectations only 5 months in, unless your expectations were unreasonable (hard to tell because you don't give details in your post). Even if he's a nice person otherwise it seems like there was a mismatch between your expectations of what a relationship entails and forcing it usually breeds resentment. If you think you were acting too needy and insecure (objectively) you can just try verbalizing insecurity less in your next relationship but you shouldn't self-censor to the point of dealing with your feelings alone all the time either. It's very common for moids to do the absolute minimum in relationships and then act like their girlfriend's expectations are unreasonable so it's likely you didn't do anything wrong at all, but you'd probably need to give more details for us to tell.

No. 542690

>>542257
>pornsick moid who doesn't contribute financially and leeches off of you
Nonna you have to break up with him. You have wasted a decade of your life on this already. He would have stopped being parasitic already if he were ever going to do so, and porn use in a relationship/pushing his fetishes on you should always be completely unacceptable. Staying stagnant in your life and unable to save up any money for your own future is not worth it for 'good conversations/insight,' there are multiple good conversationalists in the world and most of them have jobs. You can almost certainly find someone better, like a fellow student when you go back to school for example. The longer you wait to rip off the bandaid the longer it will take for you to find someone who actually supports you, helps you out, and pulls their weight in the relationship. One of the main benefits of living with a partner is supposed to be the cheaper bills and rent but you're not even getting that for six years now - if he didn't have you how would he have paid his rent during his schooling? He would have figured something out, right? But he made it your problem and got used to you doing all the work.

No. 542716

File: 1746159165309.png (25.63 KB, 291x146, kuma.png)

>>542682
Thank you nona. That's what I'm planning to do. Fortunately, I have really lovely friends who have all been supportive. 

In the beginning stages of the relationship, he initiated to see me at least once per week (but often more) and would text me all throughout the day. When he said he was burnt out and wanted to do less, I was completely understanding because he was doing a lot. I asked him what "doing less" would look like so I knew what to expect, but he said he didn't know. After a few weeks, he still seemed pretty distant so I asked him if he knew whether he still wanted to be in a relationship or if he still had the capacity to be in one. And he said "I think I do" and "I want to want to be in a relationship with you" which made me feel even more insecure lol. I think if he'd just said "yes, but I need more time for myself right now" that I would have been completely okay with it. So I guess it didn't matter what he did, it was the fact that he couldn't answer that question directly that made me feel consistently anxious. And then when he'd start to do less (skip a week of hanging out or skip out on messaging me or cancel plans), I would get nervous that it would be a permanent change because I didn't know what to expect from him since he never told me what "doing less" means. 
And then for the remaining months after, I don't think he gave me a straight answer to any of this so I just continued to feel worried. And then he told me (after we broke up) that the more I asked him for clarity, the more unsure he became, so it never felt resolved for him either and it made it hard for him to want to see me.

So that's the context. Sorry for the novel lol. I would love to know what I could have done differently, so that I'd know how to handle the situation better if it comes up in a future relationship.

No. 542718

>>542257

Girl, it gets worse.

This was literally me 6 months ago (no job for six years, paid for his education etc, worked on projects that made no money), the love of my life, my only boyfriend, and I found out he was paying some OF girl to cuck him because I wouldn't.

6 months later, even though I am single, I am so much happier.

Remember, when you date a man at his lowest, he will drag you down with him.

No. 542854

>>542257
> But he hasn't held a job since 6 years ago.
You’d rather be alone than be a boy mom to a grown man. You would be living drastically better too. Imagine having to coddle a scrote that didn’t come out of your vagina, good God, why don’t you love yourself? You should have left the sinking boat a long time ago.

No. 542869

File: 1746185474967.jpg (16.11 KB, 460x468, 1590035093947.jpg)

I have a personality disorder, and have bad periods of being very self destructive.

I'm in a relationship, and we are discussing moving together in half a year ish. I'm a bit scared that I'm just gonna crash out and burn it all to the ground.
I haven't really told him much about my issues, and he hasn't seen me at my worst yet. I'm having alot of stress at work rn so I can tell I'm entering a bad period.

Any other personality disordered nonas here that have any good advice for making this work?
Our relationship is great, he is my best friend and I want nothing more than to be with him.
I get really sad and just feel like I'll be alone forever because of my issues. I want him to understand that I can have bad periods, where I will need his support, but also not scare him away.

No. 542948

>>542716
AYRT and it sounds to me like the fault was mostly or entirely on his end from what you've said. I don't think seeing each other once a week on average is an unreasonable expectation when you're dating someone, and I know the amount people want to or are able to text varies but if you're not hanging out often in person then staying in touch should be a basic desire of both parties. The fact he wasn't able to actually describe to you what kind of relationship he wanted while complaining about your expectations also shows he wasn't willing to put any effort in. I don't think there's really anything you personally could have done to prevent this, the fact he was constantly cancelling on you and telling you he wants to "do less" is on him. A moid who really likes you and wants to make a relationship work will put in as much effort as it takes, especially in the early honeymoon phase of the relationship.

No. 543147

>>542948
Thank you. I feel more at peace with the decision. He wasn't a terrible guy, but I guess we aren't a good fit right now. I don't think I was asking for too much and my friends (who are admittedly biased) don't think I was either. Maybe it was just too much for him and in that case it's not a good match. I just hope that I can find someone who I liked as much as I liked him who also has a little more energy to be in a relationship

No. 543185

>>542869
Depends on how bad they are, what’s the biggest thing you did while in a bad period? Anyway don’t bet all your eggs on him and you’d rather warn him beforehand than dealing with whatever mess you are going to do out of the blue.

No. 543202

>>542869
Tell him anon, well before you move in or sign anything.

No. 543313

>>542869 fellow personality disordered nona here. I´ve found it easiest to be honest and seek comfort from him rather than bottling it up. I tried handling all of my issues by myself but it ended up pushing us away from eachother. He wanted to be my rock but I wouldn't let him. We almost broke up before i realized i had to lean on him the same way he would on me when he was anxious or stressed. It helped a lot and now we’re both able to communicate our needs in a way so that the other person can help or just to be there for each other and understand what the other is going through.

No. 543530

File: 1746254138186.jpeg (55.12 KB, 640x410, IMG_2957.jpeg)

How to deal with a partner who is obsessed with having sex with you? Its the best dick I’ve had but he’s horny literally every day. It’s getting overwhelming lately. All of my exes were overly horny after we finally slept together, this time around is feeling exhausting? If we don’t have sex he’s masturbating to pictures and videos of me. I should be grateful a man has eyes for me alone but the eyes are staring to bore a hole into my head.

No. 543999

how do you square with the fact that a male partner will almost certainly look at and jerk off to porn?

i don't know any man on earth who doesn't do this. even if he promises not to use it you can't monitor him all the time and i don't expect any of them to keep their promise

No. 544021

>>543999
You jerk off to other males in front of him, duh.

No. 544062

>>543999
Be upfront about not finding it acceptable. It looks like they all are if you poll from online, cause frequently online guys are also usually porn addicts, but irl the rate is lower. There's a portion on dates who will find those terms preposterous which is a giveaway, then another portion who will agree. There's other factors that are a huge give away, like taking forever to finish, a ton of kinks and thinking vanilla missionary is "boring", assessing women as sexual objects first and human being second. You can usually judge a guys porn addiction level pretty accurately just but observing the way he talks about women, in movies or coworkers or general, they can't hide it.

No. 544069

>>543530
I think this is just how men are. They're like annoying unneutered dogs that are always humping your leg kek. At least their sex drive usually decreases as they get older though

No. 544158

>>544062
Also don't date regular social media users.

No. 544215

>>543530
I dont really know… sneak a low dosage SSRI into his food? kek. that shit will make anybody borderline asexual

No. 544465

>>543999
In my experience, if it comes up casually, the "good" ones express (fairly normal and not over the top) disgust at the notion of porn; the bad ones casually drop jokes about their unmasked interest in porn. I've never had to bring it up myself, so unlike >>544062 suggests, it's not even necessarily that you have to be drawing boundaries (and guys might lie to you anyway to get in your pants). If you're exhausted at the thought of dating a man though there's no reason you have to. Personally I would not choose to be in a relationship with a man who makes a promise to me like that as he already made that choice, independent of me, to begin with. A much healthier basis for a relationship.

No. 544466

>>543999
honestly if you won't tolerate porn you might as well just give up on dating, I say this as a person who finds it revolting but there's just no way to control your partner and 99,99999% of moids are addicted to it
just make it even by watching / reading SMUT you like too

No. 544473

>>528574
>I think it would be kinda hot to have a cute mega prudish bf/husband who's completely absorbed in the religion.
That doesn't exist, only christian women can be like this. Christian men are degenerate who'll sin then whip themselves and develop weird mental disorders. It's kind of hot in its own way but it's not the uwu pure virgin you'd expect

No. 544563

>>528574
I also want this… extremely religiously and morally devout man with zero interest in pursuing women. He's sexually attracted to them but the always lord comes first… he's on a spiritual mission. It's so sexy unfortunately I don't think they exist and some of the mega Christian men I've known have been real patriarchal types. Mormon males are worse though, specifically. They've got crazy skeletons in the closet.

No. 544714

>>543530
That’s hot kek. I mean if he’s taking care of himself via masturbation when you aren’t available what’s the problem? Does he pressure you to have sex?

No. 545389

File: 1746449139514.jpg (46.62 KB, 534x534, 1000004798.jpg)

How do I accept that I will always love my partner more than they love me? This has been an issue regardless of sex and personality because no one I know does the shit I do.
I become so fixated on anyone I love. They are the centre of my world and I almost worship them. I've never met anyone in real life who is like me or has this capacity for obsessive love. Those I've dated do appreciate and enjoy what I offer and I'd say it's something that makes me valuable in a relationship, but it will never be returned.

Is anyone else a huge lover? How do you cope with giving and never receiving to the same extent? Most of the time I'm fine with it, but sometimes it makes me a bit sad.

No. 545490

>>545389
I am also a huge lover, but I also recognize I have to keep my space from my partner so I don't feel entitled to reciprocation of the exact amount of love. Maybe you're like me and your life is fairly stable so what best to do with your free time than focus on your person? It's actually not the healthiest thing I have learned. You can do things you enjoy or learn a new hobby or four to eventually be able to show your partner. Also recognize maybe your partner has a few points of instability in their life that complete focus on you is not possible at the moment, that might help as well.

No. 545499

>>545389
You don't have to accept it, if you don't want it. You can have someone who loves you just as much or more, but if you settle for
>Those I've dated do appreciate and enjoy what I offer[…]but it will never be returned.
Then of course you're going to be unsatisfied and unhappy, eternally coping like >>545490

No. 545718

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 8ish months and it's been good but there's one thing that bothers me. It's that she watches porn sometimes and I don't like that. I've made my dislike of porn very clear, both morally and in a watching-some-strangers-genitals-is-retarded way, so she knows I don't like it, but I've never actually told her to stop. I'm wondering if I'm even 'allowed' to, if it's my place to, and she might take offense to it. Another factor is that we've been ldr since she moved away for grad school and we will be ldr for a while so it's not like we are having irl sex. But I don't know, it just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. What should I do?

No. 545890

>>545718
you want to share ethical values in a relationship. Imagine an environmentalist/ethical vegan trying to date an omnivore; they can't make their partner change their diet. Porn consumption is a similar thing, although not a perfect comparison (and food is necessary-to-life unlike consuming sexual content). In a LDR, it's probably weird that porn will have replaced your sexual dynamic, which whether you are for or against porn ethically, isn't necessarily the best for your relationship; maybe she'll hear you out on that front. (I think most women against porn don't object to the idea of sexual fantasy generally or even smut novels etc.– I don't– but porn is powerful in how it totally disrupts sexual interaction with other human beings).

>I'm wondering if I'm even 'allowed' to

It's very important in my view to not frame it in an autistically demanding way which in my experience doesn't really change someone's behaviour, and doesn't really encourage equal exchange. I try to look at problems in a relationship as something you solve together, not at odds with each other. Are you generally ethically minded people? Does she care about that stuff? What's your sexual dynamic like now you're away from each other? You mentioned that you've made it clear you don't like it, but does she know that this is actually really serious for you? A lot of relationship advice is grounded in either ultimatums or being a complete doormat, and neither are really good approaches. Remember that she's in a relationship with you too, and will hopefully care to hear you out.

For a milder comparison, but with the same sort of - convenience and invisibility? - I have passionate objections to using the Chrome web browser, which to a lot of people reads about as stupid as objecting to porn, but until I framed the issue this way with my partner, not just autistic objections and complaining and moaning, did he start using Firefox, which was also important for being able to put my stuff on his computer and then he needed it for work anyway vindication.

No. 545910

>>545890
NTA but I wanted to say that your reply was really thoughtful and well put.

No. 545983

>>545718
If you know about it, I'm guessing it means that she's not hiding it from you at the moment. The thing with porn in this day and age is that it is impossible to make sure that your partner never watches it. So you might want to be careful with how you approach the topic because the most common reaction sadly is just to hide it, which is very easy to do (especially in ldr). You are of course allowed to set boundaries, but keep in mind strong disagreements on boundaries might mean you're incompatible. Porn is really the bane of relationships nowadays, most women seem to either allow it (while still being affected by it) because they see it as inevitable while others restrict it but live in constant fear that their partner is watching it in secret. Thankfully you're dating a woman so she may be more receptive not only to your feelings but also the ethical arguments. Maybe you can compromise on written/drawn porn if that's something you're more comfortable with.

No. 546340

How do you guys clear up issues when dating men? Most men Ive dated have always taken every issue I brought up as a personal attack rather than wanting to solve the issue. I feel like I always end up holding the conversation on my own since the only answers as to why they did something is "idk" or i dont remember" while acting offended that I would even dare to ask about something that is bothering me.
Is this just how men are, is there hope to have better conversations with them?

No. 546433

>>546340
so, saying this because I've seen women drive themselves crazy and waste years of their lives only to end up dumped trying to fix such men…you mostly can't. that's because this behavior is usually due to lacking the ability to be a dyadic partner and basic respect for you and your time, with rare exception.

also I've talked to a guy as a friend for over 10 years and not once has he behaved that way when either of us brought up issues…and that's just a friendship. in a relationship the behavior you're talking about is even more damaging because this is the person you're looking to tie huge parts of your life around and he can't even deal with minor issues? if you insist on dating such guys you should at least understand it's a casual relationship masquerading as a serious one.

No. 546530

>>546340
I think that kind of behavior stems from low empathy. I've had guys in the past who literally could not self-reflect whatsoever, bringing that stuff up was like talking to a wall. I honestly don't know if you can fix it… I always just got fed up at a certain point. I heard there was some famous marriage counselor who could predict with extreme accuracy whether a couple would stay together or divorce based on how they fought, and I think the way you fight with your partner is probably a pretty good predictor. I started screening based on that, I am married now but fighting is probably the biggest factor I screened for… if he seems like he can take criticism

No. 546545

>>546530
What kind of fighting indicated staying together vs breaking up?

No. 546584

>>546545
He said whether it seemed like they were trying to work together to a reach conclusion or if they seemed vindictive and just wanted to "win"

No. 547072

>>544466
I broke up this year because my boyfriend was 1000% addicted to porn. I don't mind him watching it, just that it affects his actual performance, but he'd want sex everyday. If I said no, he'd get all pissy and upset. His bad performance must be that so called death grip. He also would hide his porn or fetishes as if it were classified information. And his lotion bottle that would decrease by large amounts every week.

Porn addiction is pretty crappy as far as I can see right now. I have a hikkikomori-like friend who constantly whines about wanting a "big tiddy goth girlfriend". Meanwhile having goon sessions and never getting out the house. Once in a while when I call him, he says some weird shit and I call him out on it. My own brother has weird ass ideas of women based off of shit he's watched. I'm pretty sure it rots the brains of moids in general

No. 548684

>>546340
Dealing with my bf's issues around this lately and yeah I agree, it's pretty unfixable depending on the person. They know they're doing it though, but avoid the confrontation.

Most men I've met never want to be wrong in any way, and if you even imply it, they take it as a direct attack on their intelligence. I remember growing up with self esteem issues and always taking things personally, and even I'm appalled at how bad it is coming from a lot of men. I think in my case, my bf is/was attracted to an idea of me, didnt like that I have human emotions and human problems, so any mild back and forth results in him comparing how I feel now to that idea he - and ONLY he - had in his mind. Realized some of that through comments other friends made. I think if you can have meaningful conversations outside of confrontational moments, it's kindof salvageable. Like, if you can confront him about something, get a lackluster verbal response, but he actually stops doing whatever the problem was, there's at least an attempt in their own man-way to not make it worse. Whether that actually fixes anything is a different story.

Some try harder than others, obviously if they're just having a meltdown over it, cannot for the life of them apologize, or turn around and trash you for even wanting an explanation, they should stay single forever. Ironically the only person I ever met who said her bf "never had issues" like that was a massive bitch dating a stoner who barely fucking talked kek.

No. 548762

>>545389
>>I become so fixated on anyone I love. They are the centre of my world and I almost worship them.
This doesn't sound healthy. It sounds like you have some issues with codependency and attachment. Try reading books like Codependent No More, or Attached.

No. 548784

File: 1746822925391.jpg (48.61 KB, 2340x1080, Screenshot_20250112_124538_VLC…)

I am dealing with a difficult situation. Last year I started seeing my off-and-on online male friend irl. We went on dates, hugged, kissed. But he was just a bit distant, I initiated most dates, calls, most verbal and physical affection. After a few months he told me we are incompatible because I am not taking care of my appearance well enough (he was bothered because I do not have straight teeth). After that we stopped talking for a bit, but I gave him another chance, and he broke up with me after two weeks. Months later, he sends me hundreds of e-mails saying he loves me, making dozens accounts, he has been on it for like two months at this point (keep in mind we are almost 30). When we were in person he NEVER said he loves me, only in e-mails after breaking up with me. Obviously, I do not want anything to do with him.

But I started to like his friend/our friend instead, we hang out and chat on the phone about our shared interest a lot. He learned of this and it made him even more upset. What do I do, I want to be ethical but I do like his friend, and he likes me too.

No. 548788

>>548784
phone the loser when you're having sex with the other guy

No. 548789

>>548788
be so srs nonnie

No. 548806

>>548789
ayrt, I do believe that you should just ignore the loser and go for the guy you like, the first guy already showed that he doesn't respect you so why should you respect him?

And if you do decide to pursue the guy, make sure that he isn't the "bros before hoes" type of guy so he doesn't try to hurt you or something to get back at you for dumping his friend.

No. 548945

>>546340
My boyfriend of 7 months and I have had 2 conflicts and he's pretty good at indicating when we need to pause and he admits he's done something wrong to make me feel or act a certain way and says he'll work hard on not letting it happen again and ensure I'm satisfied. Things are currently difficult bc we're temporarily long distance, but since the last conflict, things have been going well. He also suggested I just autistically ask confrontational things even if it doesn't feel like the "right time" and it's helped me feel more open with him.
I've dated men before who totally shut down, get defensive, and you feel like you're talking to a wall / broken record. The amount of mental breakdowns I have had with these men is atrocious… during our breakups, I mentally tore down these men for days and called out every single thing wrong with how they handle conflict. Last I checked, all the men I have previously dated haven't been in a relationship another woman since, and my oldest breakup was 4 years ago.
It's truly a breath of fresh air with my current bf. Here's to hoping you find an emotionally stable and available man in your life and he wants to pursue a future with you.

No. 549122

>>548784
Honestly, given the negging you and criticizing your appearance, but also lovebombing and wanting you when he cant have you and trying to keep you for himself then getting triggered when you have another man in your life, this just sound like textbook narc moid neuroticism. Steer very clear.

No. 549124

>>545983
i would be okay with a moid who only watches hentai, because at least no real women are being harmed from it. thing is, the only men who watch hentai are mentally ill autistic weeb losers, so its hopeless.

No. 549423

Is it normal for me to get mad at my boyfriend that he spoiled a game for me even after I told him no spoilers? He apologized but I’m honestly still mad

No. 549446

>>549423
You didn't give a lot of context but if it was a one-off thing and he didn't do it with the intention to deliberately ruin it for you, you should probably deal with the anger by yourself and move on.

No. 549790

>>548784
nonnies here keep telling your kind to not mess with so-called online moid "friends" (see orbiters) yet you never listen. kek.

No. 549821

>>548784
gonna go the extra distance and say that it's probably more trouble than it's worth to go after his friend or even have anything to do with the both of them because this guy seems really unstable, and birds of a feather often flock together.

No. 549829

my girl best friend keeps hanging out with a retarded moid who hurt me and is a energy vampire. When i asked her to prioritize me over him or even fucking stop talking to him at all when she knows he hurt me she goes “umm I don’t feel like talking about this, it’s making me exhausted..”

She listed like 5 reasons why she won’t be a hypocrite to him and cut him out. Mind you the time one of my exfriends said the slightest mean thing about her i cut ties inmediately but my friend is SO moidlike she cannot even understand where I’m coming from

It seems like she doesn’t even care and it hurts so much…

No. 549839

I've narrowed it down. most of my relationship issues is due to the fact that I just don't like them as much as they like me. idk if I'm a sociopath or what. but I don't find people that interesting…

how do I find other people more interesting?

No. 549844

>>549839
do you feel this way towards friends and family? does it actually bother you or is FOMO just bothering you? in any case you're probably forcing yourself to date when you should be focusing on other things. and no you're probably not a sociopath, many out there force themselves to associate with people they don't like just because it's what they think they need to be doing, kind of like living life on autopilot.

No. 549845

>>549829
Wow nona, the same thing happened to me. My ex best friend is bipolar and constantly drained me, on stop of staying friends with the retarded scrote who bullied me for being a nerdy, awkward shy girl. I eventually ended up cutting her off completely after years of disrespect. It hurt a lot knowing that she prioritized him over me, even though we were friends longer. It was better not to bother wasting my time staying friends with a male centered pick-me though.

No. 549847

>>549844
I mainly feel this way around family and friends. I'm not dating or attempting to date right now. sorry, I thought this thread was for any type of relationship.

it bothers me in the way where I definitely feel how some friends I have are very interested in me, and I'm just not the same way in them. I wish I could reciprocate, but I can't fake my interest no matter how hard I try. when I'm actually interested in something, it's just so palpable to people that they always comment on it.

I have more interest in my family, but they don't open up to me. on this aspect, it's pretty mutual and dynamic based, so I've accepted this from them.

i was a bit of a loner as a kid, cause I wasn't really interested in what other kids were doing. I think I'm grappling with the realization that we grew up and I'm still not interested in what they're doing. but it feels lonelier now

No. 549904

hello nonnas, I'd like some support on the situation I'm currently in
I'm a two-year serious relationship with a guy my age (we're both 21) but I'm not attracted to him at all, the only good thing about him is that he can understand my autism pretty well and he actively wants to buy me anything and everything I want
I'm still with him because I can't deny that I'm pretty fond of him and he has money. I'm not sure if I can call it love, I don't know what it really is like to love someone
Anyway, because I'm not physically attracted to him, we rarely have sex, and when we do, it's forced like 99% of the time and I indulge mainly because I can see he's starting to seriously get affected by the lack of sex

I do think it's a good thing for me to stay in this relationship because he's already secured a well-paying job while we're still students and he's genuienly in love with me, like he's obsessed with me to the point where if I'm mad at him, he'll pretty much beg for me to forgive him

Point being : I know I can keep going with this whole thing, but I'm asking for advice as in how to force myself better to have sex with him ? Surely I'm not the only one in a "transacitional rleationship" (hate calling it that but there's no denying it's that) so someone here must have some kind of advice for me, right ?

No. 549916

>>549904
There is no advice here. You told us you
>don’t find him attractive
>see sex with him as a chore
>find him annoying
This is what transactional relationships mean. You close your eyes and endure for the bag. There is no way to sugarcoating it kek. If you want to be in a relationship you have to realize that you won’t ever feel that sort of “love”, at most you’ll feel contempt.

No. 549917

>>549916
Maybe you can cheat on him with scrotes you find attractive if he’s that retarded to accept it , but still, you’ll still have to have sex with him to keep him, so there’s still that.

No. 549920

>>549916
It's blatant ragebait

No. 549926

>>549847
I can relate to this quite a bit. I get that everyone is different so maybe this advice is unneeded or unhelpful. I think relationships (friends and family) can bring a lot of value to your life even if the person in question isn’t particularly interesting. I had a period in my life where I was almost completely alone (big move during the pandemic) and it made me realize how much I valued the relationships I had in my life, even if I couldn’t connect to my friends or family on as deep of a level as I wished. Sometimes I still get frustrated with my friends and wish I could have more fulfilling conversations with them, but I think about what they do provide for me and how they’ve been there for me and I realize that it’s still a valuable connection in my life. Also you don’t have to force yourself to like your friends as much as you feel they like you. I think that only adds to the pressure and makes you want to detach from them more. Obviously this also could be a sign that maybe you’ve outgrown your friend group and need new friends, but this is just my perspective as someone who has felt similarly.

No. 549929

>>549916
Yeah I know. I know that if I'm staying in this relationship I'm set to live with a constant feeling of emptiness or whatever, but hey, at least I'll have money (and a boyfriend, because I'm not really attractive)
The advice I'm looking for is mainly from other women in this situation, I know it's not healthy but it's what I want

>>549917
This whole lifestyle of cheating and having sex with anyone I find hot isn't for me, I'm strictly into serious relationships; either way, even if I'm not happy in my current relationship, I'm not a bitch who'll cheat on her boyfriend

>>549920
It really isn't, I genuienly don't know how to prove to you that what I'm saying is very real and I'm actually looking for advice. Maybe it's the phrasing (english isn't my naitve language) or you might be older than me which would be why what I'm saying sounds made up to you

No. 549942

>>549904
I've been in a similar situation as you nona. My suggestion to you is that it might seem okay now because you're having stuff paid for and you're not completely alone because you have 'someone' to talk to/do stuff with (even if you aren't attracted to them), eventually, slowly, the ick will catch up to you. First it'll be their smell disgusts you (like, to the point you want to puke right away), then it'll be little physical attributes about them you'll notice in other that you'll instantly think makes them (and anyone who has them) ugly as fuck, then you'll literally start getting seriously physically ill every single time you hear their name/see them/think about them. We're talking like not just puking but like straight up flu/fever stuff.

Point being, you're running on time. You only have so long before it happens. Might not be any time soon (for me it was years), but it WILL happen. You can't force yourself into having sex with someone you don't like and brainwash yourself into enjoying it, it doesn't work. You have to consciously accept that you are an emotional prostitute (considering the relationship is clearly transactional) and take mental strides into protecting your mental health or you'll end up having to drink/do drugs/escape in some form, to deal with you forcing yourself into it every time. I really suggest breaking up with them and finding someone you're actually attracted to, autism or not, it will slowly fuck you up and you'll look back and cringe with regret for the waste of time for stupid shit like having stuff paid for (when you can easily find someone you LIKE pay stuff for you, even if you are 'ugly' as you say). I promise you you can find someone who will do all the things he does and you're actually attracted to them.

No. 549948

>>549929
You're asking how to better force yourself to be fucked by your bf on LC of all places. Surely you must see how this looks.

No. 549958

>>549929
yep, this is ragebait

No. 549997

>>549942
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply!
I took what you said very seriously, if it's okay, may I ask you how long it took you to find another suitable man (or woman) ? Because, as I'm getting older, it's getting harder and harder to meet new people. I've got two years until my studies are finished. Considering I want to work in biology, there are few men in this path, this is mainly a woman's path of career, making it even harder to meet new men.
I fully trust you when you say I will meet someone I like AND who will pay for my shit but I think I'll have a very hard time

>>549948
Yeah I guess asking this on the most (and the only) feminist website on the internet isn't the best place
In a way, I think it's a good thing most of you nonnas are shutting me down as it sounds pretty fucking stupid

>>549958
Wtf do you want to me to say ? Like, you said it once, what's the point of saying it a second time ?

No. 550048

How do I get over the fact my nigel dated a friend in his friend group and I have to see her every time we hang out? I see the way she looks at him and she obviously still has feelings. I try so hard to be mature but last night I expressed my discomfort to him and he got so defensive- i mean it isn't his fault, but I was just trying to express my discomfort. I called her pretty and he agreed without saying anything else and that kind of gutted me. He later reassured me she doesn't mean anything to him and he was just trying to be cordial to her. It's been several years since they dated but having to be around his ex it just makes me hyperanalyze everything and be uncomfortable during the outing, even though I want to get to know his friends. His two closest friends are best friends with her. I know I need to be mature about this and I'm not standoffish with her but God is it hard.

No. 550196

>>549997
I'm older than you (mid/late 30s), and I have 0 issues meeting new people. I think it depends on your hobbies and lifestyle tbh, unsure what your hobbies are. I met my now fiancé about 6~ years ago and funny enough we are both in biology as well (I'm in genetics, he's in virology, however we didn't meet through work or anything like that). I'm not sure what in bio you're in but there a LOT of men in my field.

My situation happened when I was in my early 20s back when I was still in uni, and at first I DID like him (or so I thought), however it went downhill quickly and I had tried to break up with him several times over the years (he constantly guilt tripped me/manipulated me into staying even though I had 0 attraction to him by this point). Once we fully broke up, I casually dated a few guys before I finally met my fiancé. I'm SO happy I dropped that guy forever ago because even the casual dates I went through were ten times better than that entire relationship (and not because he was toxic or anything, just because at least there was some level of attraction to my casual relationships). I know you say you're ugly etc, but I promise you there are men out there who will do everything your guy is doing now but better. It's not worth forcing yourself to sleep with someone you don't like for those other 'benefits'. Besides, I know we all say fuck moids etc here but don't you think he deserves someone who actually finds him attractive/wants to sleep with him? Don't you think YOU deserve someone you're wildly passionate about and want to constantly touch/be around? You're really only doing yourself a disservice.

No. 550206

>>549997
>as I'm getting older, it's getting harder and harder to meet new people.
What are you on about? You're 21 and a student, people your age are dating casually. This is literally the best time to meet new people.

No. 551409

So I am anon with bf who never initiated sex. He went to the drs and it turns out he has extremely low testosterone. Hopefully once he gets on meds it will sort itself out.

No. 551798

>>550196
You're in biology too ?! What a small world ! Is it okay if Iask you how long it took before you found a job ? As I'm getting farther in my studies, I'm only told now that getting a job in any kind of biology-related field is hard and mostly depends on networking

Now about what you said, I agree that staying with a man I'm not really attracted is heartless for me AND for him and overall is just bad
One last question before I seriously consider leaving him, do you think I can manage to finally be attracted to him if I can chaneg his appearance ? He's been going to the gym for the last 3 three months and I noticed some positive changes (his back got bigger which I like a lot)
I can get him to do anything for me (apart from dying his hair) so if changing his entire appearance is a plausible alternative to leaving him, I'd rather do that

>>551409
Yeah okay it sounded a lot like pixyteri when I said that but hear me out : yes I am 21 years old, yes I'm a student but I'm almost done with my studies
>people your age are dating casually
That's correct, except that almost EVERYONE my age date casually while I only want a serious relationship
I know i'm being a picky bitch and I apologize, but the whole "casual everything" lifestyle isn't for me

No. 551820

>>551798
I got a job in the middle of uni doing lab work and it was very quick. The pay was meh but I didn't care since I was green and had nothing really. It wasn't a fun or exciting job, it was related to seedlings/agronomy but you take what you can get. Anyone giving you that advice is semi bullshitting. Any and ALL jobs, regardless of your career choice (especially right now) depends on your networking. But it doesn't mean you can't get one at all or that it's hard, just that it takes about 6~ months or more of applying rather than like 1-2~. But again it really depends on your field as well.

As for your relationship, no getting him to change his appearance won't do much. If you 100% know in your heart that's the ONLY thing holding you back (like you are absolutely in love with him but just find him sexually unappealing) then maybe? But it really doesn't sound like that from what you described. I look back on my own situation and even when he tried to work out to get more muscular, nothing changed, if anything I always felt like his attempts were pathetic and gross (I am pretty fit and go to the gym very regularly, and he eats like shit and is like severely underweight, like all bones) since to me ultimately my non attraction to him wasn't just physical, it was everything. And by the end of it I pavlov'd my way into hating everything he liked, to this day. I can't listen to his style of music, I can't be around his kind of friends, without viscerally gagging and getting angry inside.

>That's correct, except that almost EVERYONE my age date casually while I only want a serious relationship

Girl, wake up. You are in a casual relationship. You might be in a monogamous relationship but how can you call what you have a serious relationship? You don't find him sexually attractive. This is the BEST time to meet people because casually dating can become serious relationships over time. You're missing out on so much fun, learning and growing, at some of the best times of your life, for this. When you get older, people will start pressuring you into marriage/more serious dating things quickly, and bad actors by this point usually learn how to hide their toxicity better. I think you have the wrong idea of what 'casual' means. I was casual friends with my fiance for years before we started dating, and I'm so glad that we had that slowburn because that's the healthy way to do relationships in my opinion, it's how to learn they're a good person 0 pressure, how you have proper time to vet them, and you get to see them in their natural self. Rushing in to 'non casual relationships' is a good way to realize you don't like the person down the road, or that you didn't know some [minor thing] about them would be a big dealbreaker to you, etc.

No. 551865

>>550196
>>551820
Waow mid-30s stacynonna… I’m in my early 20s and single but your words are comforting to me too.

No. 551980

What are the first signs you're falling out of love?

No. 552145

>>551980
consulting the internet about it is ironically one of them

No. 552293

>>551980
That you're even thinking about it in the first place. If you're wondering if you've fallen out of love, you probably have.

No. 552771

>>552767
If he’s under 55 and claims to not want to have sex more than one time a week, he’s meeting his needs elsewhere, whether that be porn addiction, or cheating.

No. 552784

>>552767
If you've only been dating a few months, then you should be all over each other. Sounds like he isn't all that into you, or seeing other people without your knowledge if he's fine with open relationships.

No. 552866

>>551980
Everyone always says 'when you first start questioning it' and they aren't wrong, but for me, it was the moment I stopped caring. I didn't get annoyed at things that annoyed me anymore, I didn't get angry or upset when he did things that hurt me, and I stopped thinking about him/including him in my mind when I was doing things (not actively trying to not think about him, I just didn't think about it). The passion was just completely gone, not in a sad way, but an empty 'there's nothing there' way.

No. 553061

>>552866
What causes this?

No. 553084

>>553061
It depends on the person/relationship really. For me it was the repeated invalidation of my feelings and issues I'd bring up, him never putting effort into dates or planning things (I always was the one), him always wanting to be 'right' and 'win' conversations. It makes you shut down your feelings/thoughts/emotions and keep them to yourself. Over time, instead of being hurt or angry about it, you detach, and kinda close yourself off to not only him but yourself in a way. After a while of that, you just kind of stop caring. It becomes really obvious too when you meet someone else who actually gives you the energy that you bring, and vibes at your level of intelligence and conversing. It feels like you were drowning the whole time and didn't even realize you needed air until you meet someone else. That's when you really know it's long gone and dead.

No. 553491

File: 1747267462038.gif (2.84 MB, 498x398, mia-goth-pearl.gif)

i'm 33 and got dumped after 4 years because he has a personality disorder (guess which one) that makes him see things as all of nothing and is stubborn and rigid and perfectionistic.

as a result, he's struggling to juggle a high emotional situation (romantic relationship) with his current life challenges and needs to focus on his current goal (stabilising in a new country) because he feels like it's a matter of life and death. He feels like if he fails it's over.

anyway, after 6 months i'm still not over it.

i basically lost my best friend and "soulmate" (whatever that means), my whole future plans are cancelled, my trust in men is dead, every other men are so boring compared to him anyway.

i hope you you other nonas have a better life

No. 553545

>>553491
You dodged a bullet, nona. You can and will do better than some suicidal narc scrote.

No. 553890

>>550048
Honestly nonna this probably isn't what you want to hear but if your bf is still closely emotionally involved with a female friend/ex who is clearly still in love with him it may be time to cut your losses. I say this as someone who has been on the other side of this (I dated a bunch of other people while my ex, who was also my best friend, was still clearly madly in love with me and everyone except me noticed, for 10 years, and we're back together and basically married now). I never cheated on anyone with him or anything like that and we only got together again once we were both thoroughly single for a long time but if there's any chance this is two-sided you might be dealing with a person in denial. I think it depends though, does it seem like he reciprocates her feelings or wants to spend lots of time with her/be close to her? It's also possible to hang around someone you have past romantic history with and for it to not mean anything, but your anxiety tells me that maybe he still acts uncomfortably close to her or isn't completely over her. If he acts completely over her and she's the only one pining, you're probably okay, but considering you are constantly uncomfortable you're probably picking up on something. It's okay to ask him to distance himself from her somewhat if her being clearly into him makes you feel uncomfortable, worst case he'll just say no and you'll know where you stand.

I'm not suggesting he's cheating or anything (when I was in this situation I really felt like I would never get back together with my ex and thought people talking about it were crazy) but if he isn't drifting away from this female friend with time and she's always hanging around him it's okay to just cut your losses and decide you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's always hanging around his ex. I had people break up with me over this and I understand them and don't have any hard feelings since I proved them right years later. I think you have to carefully observe him and trust your judgment here. If he doesn't notice her romantic attention and it looks purely one-sided, your relationship will probably be fine but it's fair to ask him to distance himself from her somewhat if she looks at him like she's still in love with him. If he resists that, you might be a lower priority to him. If she's flirting and acting googly eyed and he's not discouraging it at all, you'd be completely right to dump him over this. If it's just her looking at him weirdly while he acts like she's a pal he might be truly over her, but the issue is still whether you can handle him being that close with an ex and it sounds like it's unacceptable to you, which is understandable.

No. 554218

>>550048
Him getting defensive is a bit suspicious tbh. Anyway his friend group don't have to become your best friend group you hang out with all the time, just focus on your own friends seperate from him.

No. 554270

I feel horrible, I fucked up so bad. I mistakenly did something that hurt my girlfriend. I've fucked up before obviously, but this one time feels really bad. I went to a casual event where people shared stories and doodled and this time the prompt was surreal dating experiences, and I've honestly never had bad dates, and I've only dated my girlfriend so I talked about our first date and how it was kind of unconventional because she got very vulnerable with me and revealed some personal things and how when I was on that date all I could think about was that I never wanted to hurt her and protect her. But the drawing I made for this was lighthearted, even jokey, and now I'm realizing how mean-spirited that is, to make light of the very real things she went through and the helplessness she felt at that time to seek a stranger for comfort and I just feel so bad I just did that to her. I didn't do this behind her back, I sent her a picture of the drawing and also what I said and that was when I realized I've done such a cruel thing. For what? A bunch of random people I don't care about? I hurt my partner who has been nothing but loving to me, who takes all my issues seriously. I genuinely feel so horrible, she's hurt by it, I don't know what else I can do but sincerely apologize. I don't know how I fucked up this bad. I don't know what to say to her or how to make it better.

No. 554280

>>553491
Do you think you can’t get him back? I pray you both heal

No. 554341

>>553491
>>554280
Please nona, I know you feel so in love and like it's the end of the world because he's the only one that 'got' you, and everyone else sucks/is boring or whatever, but don't get back with him. He's shown you that you are not (and probably never) going to be his priority. If you get back with him, all you'll be showing him is that you're ok with him treating you like shit and dumping you like that, and he will only treat you worse. Trust me I know these are just words on the internet and probably have 0 impact on you considering you're probably deeply hurting, but you are worthy of someone truly loving you and prioritizing you above everything else. Men with BPD are extremely toxic and require more therapy and healing than women and their healing journey is a lot longer because they don't have personal insight or care as much about interpersonal relationships. Love yourself.

No. 554985

>>554981
The key to getting into a relationship with a man is to start as friends and capitalize off of interest he shows but not to let him know you like him immediately. This way they have to "prove" their love. If you keep escalating to 100 with every moid they will treat you the same. In many cases the man you crave and cry over is not the man for you.

No. 554986

File: 1747380783024.jpg (78.85 KB, 680x1024, depositphotos_42697069-stock-p…)

At 25 just got into my first relationship and this is hell I literally find the moid a 10/10 . Cause although he has a gut, dicklet, greasy etc he has a really cute face to me and I like pasty nerdy guys. I tried wearing makeup all the time with him, paying for when I can 50/50 even though he is wealthier, doing his chores,giving his unwashed dicklet ahh sex whenever he wants (he literally rewears old laundry, barely see him shower and has always oily dandruff hair) mofo couldn't even spit to help the experience be less dry. And before you guys call me a troll for being such a pick me, like I said I see/saw him as perfect and I am naturally a pushover pickme irl if I like someone since in my mind they deserve it.


Regardless the issue is that I could tell he doesn't like me as much as I do for him. I am diagnosed tistic and even I could tell it. I confronted him about it and he was like well I like your appearance but you are not a 10 you aren't like Scarlett Johansson. Which she is heavier than me and he told me he would like me more if I lost weight whichh doesn't makes sense, also doesn't make sense that he would pursue me since I don't have hooded eyes like her or a big jaw/mouth etc. Also before he had bitched about me not liking stuff he likes which he knew before entering the relationship.


Is there anyway to find a moid who likes you as much as you like him? Reddit literally thinks this is normal behaviour for them to use us like this just cause they are desperate. Is my standard of finding a guy who likes me as much as I like him that high ?


Again not a troll and writing this after a night of drinking cause fml so sorry for the shit writting(integrate)

No. 554987

>>554985
I am literally tistic anddon't get it why can't people just like you for you without having to play such games. Yeah he prob not the one

No. 555036

>>554986
>Has one relationship
>Already talks like she's been divorced twice
It's a numbers game, go put yourself back on the market, date as many guys as you can and know when to cut off. Some people are lucky and meet the love of their lives at 17, most of us aren't and have to go through a bunch of people before finding a suitable partner.

No. 555050

>>554986
>50/50
I stopped right there, don't do that. 50/50 is a retarded concept pushed by reddit moids, its etiquette that men pay and the only people who throw a huge fit over it are not guys you wanna date.
You can get a guy whose into you easily you just have to filter for it. A guy who is very into you will have no problem paying or putting forward effort to be with you, guys will basically do anything to be with a woman they really want. If you start making a lot of concessions for him, like allowing him to pay 50/50 or always driving to him, you lower the filter and start letting in guys who figure it's not a bad deal to buy himself a meal and also sleep with a woman he's lukewarm about. You're able to sleep with a 10/10 but being a doormat isn't going to make him more into you, it just doesn't work that way. Hold him to higher standards and if he doesn't reach them, pull back, and if he doesn't follow he is not into you.

No. 555064

>>554986
>he has a gut, dicklet, greasy
>he literally rewears old laundry, barely see him shower and has always oily dandruff hair
>mofo couldn't even spit to help the experience be less dry
>he doesn't even like her
>she still says he's a 10/10
I can't believe I share a basketweaving imageboard with women who have standards this low. Please tell me you've broken up with him. At least it can only get better for you because dating this guy is already absolute rock bottom.

No. 555078

>>554986
It's not high, men have no idea how to be even slightly appealing to women. Not like much has changed in that aspect historically, it's just that whereas women didn't have a choice in choosing their husband 90% of the time for the majority of history, most women in modern societies have a choice now and men can't deal with that and don't know how to act.
A) dump that useless moid ASAP. It's never – never ever ever – worth being in a relationship with a man who you love more than he does you, because in general, relationships are a net loss for women. Why would you try so hard to stay in a relationship emotionally when you have to do all the other shit he isn't expected to do? At least guarantee yourself the fact that he won't just up and leave when you do the smallest thing he doesn't like.
B) more effort on your part =/= more effort on his. If he doesn't actually want you (which doesn't mean you're worthless, it just means he feels entitled to an even higher standard of… everything) he will not change EVEN if he sees you're trying. Moids don't fucking work like that. They just look at your effort and think "Huh, she seems to be super worried about impressing me, I can really milk this and guilt her into doing even more".
I hope you find a guy that sees your worth and treats you right. Because this guy sure ain't it. Really like >>555036 said, it's a numbers game, you have to sift through your options until you get one you can see yourself staying with.

No. 555084

>>555050
>You can get a guy whose into you easily you just have to filter for it
Nta but lol no, this is so optimistic.

No. 555095

>>555050
Truth. The higher your standards, the more you filter out lazy selfish men who just want an easy fuck or a free bangmaid. A lot of women think that they can get a man to love her by doing more for him, but that only attracts men who want to use you. The less time you spend dating these losers, the faster you can find a man who will actually love and respect you.

>>555084
Alright, maybe it's not "easy" (it took me years after all), but it makes it easier than if you spend years kissing frogs.

No. 555660

>>555095
>>555084
nta but filter isn't the right word. It's more like, the more ruthless you are about dropping dead weight moids (EG, the faster you leave them from a single red flag that pops up), the more time you'll have to go through the trenches to find the right guy. You build a sort of 'filter' in a way that lets you see those subtle red flags easier and faster as you meet more guys. It took me years as well but the biggest advice I could give to the younger nonas here is that it's NOT WORTH IT to be in a relationship with someone who isn't giving you 110% of what you give him. I know a lot of us struggle with depression etc, and self esteem issues, so it's hard to accept that as truth because a lot of us feel like the devil you know is better but you will find someone better, always. I wish I could of shaken my old self back when I was in a long ass relationship with my nerd ex who I thought was my soulmate to dump him because he NEVER treated me with respect or prioritized me. I would of saved myself so much heartache. A bad relationship can ruin your mental health for years and it takes years of healing to deal with it.

No. 555811

File: 1747468025839.jpg (26.26 KB, 736x694, b445a41d911667723cb47669b798e3…)

I'm currently talking to this moid who's very thoughtful and sweet with a surprisingly high amount of empathy for a man, nerdy and smart yet takes very good care of his physical appearance. He gives off adorably pathetic loser vibes and practically worships me like I'm the prettiest woman he's ever known, he considers me way above his league and would do anything I tell him to do without argument which is the way it should be if I'm going to be dating a man

But each time I look through his following on Instagram I get the biggest ick ever and I'm not sure how to really go about bringing it up about it since we're still just talking. He follows a small handful of cosplayers who post soft porn content clearly pandered towards gooners but he has never liked any of their posts ever since we started talking. It still really disgusts me tho.

No. 555847

>>555811
That's pretty gross but that's also the reality of dating men. Talk to him about it and he'll just learn to hide it better. Unless you just take issue with him being so public about it.

No. 555859

File: 1747475469498.jpg (446.24 KB, 600x788, wheres-my-dick-cb35f332b8.jpg)

My libido has died since I've been official with my Nigel. I think there's a few big circumstances working against us (LDR mainly) but I used to a be feral single girl, my friends used to call me Samantha Jones, and I was literally always horny. But since being with him I feel so… tame? I like the sex we have but it's not the best of my life and while he is my type in a lot of ways (big tall strong) I would be lying if I said he was the hottest man I've been with. Maybe this is me feeling safe for the first time, and all the energy I was putting into sexually performing can now go elsewhere? I'm visiting him in a few weeks and hopefully once we have some proper alone time in a nice hotel I can make a bit more sense of how I feel about him sexually.

No. 555860

File: 1747476436489.jpg (131.75 KB, 951x1280, dexifsjpAoUONywXz.jpg)

Nonnas please reassure me. I've always heard that when you're in a bad relationship, you get health issues and you get uglier, but it gets better once you're finally out. (Not talking about trauma/psychological damage here, only physical health and appearance.) It made sense to me because bad relationships are often synonymous with tons of stress, lack of sleep, shitty diet or eating to cope, low self-esteem etc. Then yesterday I came across this while scrolling on insta. In the comments, hundreds of women discuss how they started getting health problems (some serious) after the relationship and it took years to repair. Wtf? Do we really need to be punished twice? But I'm surprised I didn't hear this take before. What's your experience?

No. 555865

>>555860
I think you need to stop scrolling.

No. 555876

File: 1747480500491.jpg (19.09 KB, 500x375, ec78f62395684a69055d7a0a55e625…)

>>555811
>man is given a woman way above his league
>still consumes erotica/porn
yep that's males for you

No. 555891

>>555860
I personally only felt and looked better after leaving. The effect got stronger the more time had passed since seeing and speaking to him. I would assume that most of the health issues these women are talking about could be residual from the relationship and unnoticed until after the breakup? But who knows

No. 555893

File: 1747484791738.jpg (50.99 KB, 736x736, 53eca1ce0d98db7f3ca80fe29d16e2…)

Hi nonnies, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now and I really need some help. I was sleeping over at his house the other day and I was playing geoguesser on his phone when I went to switch apps, in the most recent apps I found a super old conversation (+2 years old) with his ex where they were speaking romantically, I obviously argued with him because what was he doing going through that? He kept saying that he didnt click anything as he was with me the whole time and did not even know that the chat was there, he said that he must have 'butt-dialed' the spotlight search as one of the words of the chat was on the spotlight recent searches. We are not speaking at the moment because I told him I needed some time to think. Nonnies what should I do? I really love him and he is so nice to me, its just that something feels off. To be honest, the way that he talks about his ex sometimes makes me believe that he is not really over it even though he reassures me that its been a long time and he doesnt even think about her anymore.
What should I do nonnies? If any of you could give me some advice plus a hug I would greatly appreciate it!!

No. 555895

>>555891
But samefagging, I’ll never forget how much inner peace, harmony, and a general sense of well-being was restored in me the first day he walked out. I dealt with intense gut issues, sleep issues, and skin issues that came out of nowhere while I was with him. The positive physical effects of him leaving, even on the very first day, were so noticeable. now I have no doubt that bad relationships do mess with your physical health and appearance.

No. 555903

>>555893
Is her number blocked?

You could try asking him to delete all his conversations with her and see how he reacts. If he responds defensively, I think that's a clear answer. If he's chill about it and immediately complies while you're watching it's probably okay.

No. 555904

>>555903
Samefag make sure to ask him in person, don't ask over the phone. You'll want to see what reaction passes over his face.

No. 555905

>>555903
Yes her number is blocked! also on every other social media

No. 555910

>>555895
>I dealt with intense gut issues, sleep issues, and skin issues that came out of nowhere while I was with him
Literally me right now… I hope it'll all go away when I find the strength to leave or he does. I'm glad you're much better and thank you for sharing your experience nonna.

>>555905
If she's blocked, how could he have opened their conversation by mistake? Or is this a thing? I'm not really on social media

No. 555932

>>555910
Nta but on whatsapp when you block someone you can still read the chat history.

No. 555962

>>555860
maybe they are referring to mental ones? i was an anorexic alcoholic and got grey hairs when i was in a very abusive situationship, now i'm in a pretty stable relationship and i think i glow and look healthy, don't drink or restrict anymore, but mentally i'm a raging retard whenever i remember what happened to me, when i used to be pretty calm and apathetic even

No. 555995

>>555859
This makes little sense in the context of a LDR imo.

No. 556026

>>555895
Same, I got severe eczema and I just generally looked like death. When I go through my memory roll, I looked haggard and gaunt in every photo taken when I was staying at his place, and I looked so much healthier whenever I was anywhere else. We were stoners and always ate a fuckton, yet my face was hollow and my bones were showing. He was literally siphoning the life out of me.

No. 556239

>>555893
>He kept saying that he didnt click anything as he was with me the whole time and did not even know that the chat was there, he said that he must have 'butt-dialed' the spotlight search as one of the words of the chat
Lie

No. 556240

>>555905
He can unblock her whenever he isn’t with you

No. 556280

>>556240
If it’s on WhatsApp like someone alluded to earlier, it’ll permanently record in the chat every time they block or unblock a person. If not then youre prob right

No. 556336

I don't think my boyfriend likes me. We're doing long distance (we had been dating for 4 months before I went on exchange, I'll be back in July) and so I get kinda lonely. I told him I was lonely an hour ago and asked if he'd want to call. He asked me what everyone else is doing. I said sorry and dropped it. Then he said I don't have to be and then said if I wanted to "have him in the background" (we don't say much to each other then) then it's fine. We just started arguing because I'm pissed he won't just say no. This is maybe the third time this exact argument has happened. Am I crazy? He did offer to call but like, fuck can't he just answer me directly? He doesn't get the issue with replying "well what's everyone else doing tonight?" at all.

No. 556364

>>556336
You're asking for the bare minimum and hes not even giving it to you. Date someone else nona, there's a man who will look forward to calling with you.

No. 556384

>>556336
Every long distance relationship I've been in, the guy has used every chance he could to call me/talk to me over voice, even if that meant dropping in the middle of a game since we had timezone differences. Don't be with someone long distance if he isn't dying to call you any moment he can. Also, you've only been together for 4 months~, you guys should be in the honeymoon stage and OBSESSED with talking to each other, you're not even gone that long and he's being like this? That's not a good sign.

No. 556393

>>556384
Sorry I should've been clear! We were together 4 months before I left last August. We've been together for a year but most of it have been when I've been abroad.

No. 556428

>>556393
Ahh okay, but honestly, you should still be in that phase. Generally it's about 6 months to a year (sometimes more, but that's the usual). I don't think you necessarily need to break up, but just know that him behaving like that isn't a good sign. It's honestly one of the redflags that'll show up and get worse over time. Kinda cringe to say but men should be lowkey obsessed with you and want to spend every moment they can with you. I don't mean this in an unhealthy stalkerish way, but rather that they should want all their time with you, especially when you're apart. If I were you, I'd either be blunt about it and straight up say "I feel like I'm putting in more of the emotional labour in this relationship by making sure our communication is always open." Or, just mirror back his own actions onto him, and see how he behaves (As in, don't respond right away to his communication, or answer his calls for conversing the same he did with you). The way he responds to that will give you a hint on his feelings towards you. Good luck nona!

No. 556445

>>556336
Do you guys have regular calls? And was he always like this (reluctant to call) or is this new? But honestly yea if you get the feeling that he doesn't like you and doesn't want to call, it doesn't sound too good. I agree with the other anon you should try "matching his energy". Sounds stupid but it's one of the rare thing that can work.

No. 556454

File: 1747532393176.jpg (88.83 KB, 736x980, 3f7190b655311cf8775464f7183a0c…)

if it wasnt for the fact that my bf is wealthy (and his family is part of the 1% in america) and spends a lot of money on me, i wouldnt be dating him. he has a lot of good traits other men lack, i.e he agrees with misandry, he agrees that women are superior to men, hes very affectionate and loving. but hes just disrespected me (broken promises, broken my trust, gaslit me, ignored me without good reason to intentionally piss me off) in the past and i have a hard time forgetting it and moving on

No. 556469

>>556454
>broken promises, broken my trust, gaslit me, ignored me
that shit is really the most damaging. is it ongoing or just one event in the past? you should milk as much money as you can from him while looking for your next bf. it's not worth it just because he "agrees with misandry" (easy, it's not an action or something requiring any effort). maybe you can meet a rich guy through him? even if you stay with him for now, make sure to have fun and prioritize yourself always anon. imo you can't really move on from disrespect and betrayal in a relationship, unless you kinda detach from the guy and accept it because you're getting something else in return, but it's rarely ever worth it (if it costs you your sanity).

No. 556471

>>556454
that's why you keep an emotional bf on the side to your financial bf

No. 556473

>>556469
>that shit is really the most damaging. is it ongoing or just one event in the past?
yeah i guess thats the thing… he made those mistakes during the first 4 months of our relationship, and hasnt made any since, has apologized, and the whole shabang. the issue is i keep remembering those instances and honestly i cant truly forgive him for hurting me emotionally. but i cant find flaws in his current behavior. if he does it again i know ill be out the door.
>maybe you can meet a rich guy through him?
we're both friendless haha…
i suppose i just feel like looking for another man implies meeting a guy who probably will disrespect/hurt me as well minus the financial gain… which just feels like a worse time sink. perhaps im just demoralized idk. thank you for the reply though

No. 556489

>>556473
What did he do? We need context.

No. 556548

>>556489
sorry for long post
hes autistically honest bc he believes he'll go to hell otherwise, so i do think hes truthful at least. we're long-distance for reference. nearly all of these issues is related to coomerism and high libido
>promised not to watch porn/hentai at the beginning of our relationship; but then confessed he masturbated to his previous waifu (taihou from azur lane)
>gave a bunch of excuses like "it takes me a month to lose all interest/attraction when im romantically interested in someone else" or "i did it because i was scared youd leave me"
>didnt buy any of it, i dumped him but kept him around as a friend in case hed buy me gifs/free trips
>would say insensitive shit, double down and then back-track the next day and claim i misunderstood and that im just crazy/insane/abusive/other gaslighting garbage
>tried to paint me as a bad person for simply criticizing him
we then met up and i since i stayed with his mutlimillionaire family i did my best to larp as a normal couple. it was honestly really fun, 10/10 trip… except for:
>would rub my skin to fidget but it kinda hurt, stopped after i told him to
>tried to stop me from reading his text messages by lightly pushing me away as we were laying in bed (after telling me i was allowed to)
>started whining and complaining that we acted only 'like friends' since i wouldnt have sex with him
>thats despite the fact that he agreed to not have sex until marriage at the start of our relationship (im not religious or anything, i just dont want sex with a guy who doesnt prove himself to me)
>ignored me for a day because he experienced mood swings
>told me "why cant i be mean to you sometimes" (allegedly because he felt i had been mean to him, but later admitted he just made up false instances/memories)
>i broke up with him irl after all this
>he ran off to his parents room to get emotional support
>they sided with me
>told him he cant treat a girl like that, ever
i genuinely love his family and i do like gifs. he has really improved since then and the worst he'll do is change the topic or randomly disappear at times when i want to talk to him (usually to spend time with his family), and then he might come back and give me a quick reply before heading to bed despite knowing im up. but yeah thats like the worst hes done in months

No. 556562

>>556548
oh and just some context; the text messages were of his (ex) incel friend (hes another character that appears and becomes a nuisance in my life) unironically cutting him off kek, and the "why cant i be mean" comment was in defense to him ignoring me. and all of these mistakes only happened once with the exception of his tendency to justify/downplay himself, but he hasnt done that since either

No. 556627

>>556548
Whoever's gonna end up with him, be it you or another woman, will do it because she'll tolerate his behaviour in exchange for securing the wealthy lifestyle. If that's something you want, you're probably going to have to look at your relationship as a business exchange void of emotions.

No. 556636

>>556548
You both sound like you're super young. If you're in a LDR and not even having sex with him, only enjoying gifts and free trips, it may be fine, but how long is the long-distance situation supposed to last? The porn thing is sadly an issue with all moids nowadays (not saying you should be tolerating it though), but he sounds very immature on top of that. And what's the logic for lies sending him to hell, but the porn and pre-marital sex being ok? kek.

No. 556696

>>556548
I honestly don't understand the mindset of being in a relationship like this. The way you're describing everything sounds like you don't really like him that much, and you don't seem especially close (and are long-distance) but you seem to enjoy hanging out with his family and the money/gifts. You've already broken up several times which implies dissatisfaction, and you are describing your reasons for keeping him around coldly, and you're also not having sex (which is fine, I think it's probably a good decision, but there goes another potential reason to feel attached to a moid you otherwise don't seem to like much). If your goal is to just get into a long term relationship with someone who has a lot of money and will provide you a financially stable and exciting life (or at least benefit from the money/lifestyle for a bit), it seems more like you view this relationship transactionally, in which case if he is generally 'well behaved' now and you don't care much to have a close relationship it seems like you're getting what you want out of it. But he may continue to push you for sex, use porn (almost certainly he still is, regularly), etc. so if you want something more out of a relationship like real emotional intimacy, companionship, etc. you should consider whether this is all a waste of time. Will you be satisfied to be in this kind of lukewarm transactional relationship in the long term, or do you want a more passionate romance/real life companion you trust and respect?

No. 556756

>>556696
i agree that pursuing passion and real emotional intimacy is preferable, but at the end of the day moids are untrustworthy and often unreliable and selfish, even the 'better ones'. i dont see anything wrong with a pragmatic approach to relationships for women. at least getting money and gifts out of a moid is real material and tangible things, the promises of love and commitment and '4evah' are intangible and never really last imo. its better to just marry a financially stable moid and then at least if everything goes to shit you will have a reserve of money or things to sell to pick yourself back up with.

No. 556768

>>556756
Yeah, but there's no need to go low. Cashcows can be kind, hot, fuckable, intimate, reliable, whatever. You don't need to compromise. Literal prostitutes do.

No. 556770

>>556768
If anon isn't trolling and that family is a literal top 1%… Well let me say I would hold on too.

The only thing I don't get is why a kid from an ultra wealthy family not only (from the sounds of it) dates outside his own circles/class but also settles for an LDR (code for online relationship most of the time). Just doesn't make much sense to me. So I'm leaning towards believing this is a fake story.

No. 556772

tips on how to deal with nagging boyfriend? he gets mad at me for taking ages to get out of the house in the morning on weekends.

I like sleeping in, especially on weekends, ("like" is not the correct word but I cant think of a better word to describe this, its more like I need to sleep in, I just physically can not get up at 7 am like he does every morning, I am just not that person) on top of that I need my coffee and 15-30 mins of scrolling on my phone to reboot. I am sure most nonnas relate, I am just not a morning person and my dumbass bf is grossly offended by this. Like, I am just not gonna jump out of the bed and leave the house as soon as I open my eyes.

Unfortunately, he is very much a morning person and expects to leave the house within 30 mins of waking up. He will relentlessly nag if I am taking my time and simply doesn't accept the way I am. We were supposed to go to the beach today but I got off the car mid way because he wouldnt shut up.

No. 556774

>>556772
Who tf goes to the beach at 7 am on Sunday

No. 556778

>>556772
jfc, does he work from home or starts late on weekdays? because who wants to wake up at 7am every single day of the week. it's fine when you have something special planned but not all the time. i'm sure there are things he doesn't like that you don't force him to do. he should accept to compromise like a normal person.

No. 556779

>>556772
Can't you agree to a certain time to leave the house, say 9 am? Or is he unwilling to compromise and it's basically his way or no way?

No. 556792

>>556774
tbh i exaggerated a bit–he does get up at 7 am every morning (no alarm) and he starts fidgeting in bed until he wakes me up at 9.30. My phone scrolling is probably more like an hour or two.

He woke up super early again this morning, woke me up at 9.30 and he starts grumbling about me getting ready. I go downstairs to make coffee and go on my phone for a bit, I am downstairs for 30 minutes he comes down and starts going off.

>>556778
he doesnt! and we weren't going to surf or do an activity thats time sensitive. We were going to sit on sand dunes, smoke and draw. Why do I need to be at the beach by 11 am to do that?

>>556779
i've been very up front and told him a few nights before that the earliest I can do realistically is getting out of the house by 11 am. He is very much an "early bird gets the worm make the most of your day" type of guy so he just wants to do things as early in the morning as possible, even if its the most mundane thing in the world like grocery shopping.

No. 556816

>>556636
his logic is that if he were to lie he'd have to confess and "atone", the same way as he did with the hentai thing. as long as he "atones" for his sins and dont repeat them, god might forgive him. basically he has that improovement mentality
>>556696
truth is he's my best friend right now and we do talk about our hopes, dreams, worries, anxieties on a daily basis, he comforts and supports me a lot, we play games and watch shows, share interests etc. there is definitely an aspect of emotional intimacy as hes a very romantic and emotional person and i do have feelings for him… its just that whenever i remember those disrespectful incidents i notice i start to lose feelings, i turn colder and angrier even if its just temporary. ive only gone back to being (genuinely) affectionate and loving when ive pushed those memories out of my head. i suppose under normal circumstances id break things off even if i did love him, but the reason im staying is somewhat motivated by money you could say… i do appreciate his improved personality, but is that really enough for me to stay when im as unforgiving as i am, i ask myself
>>556770
i know it sounds fake but i promise it isnt ahah.
his one close friend was a guy he only spoke to over the internet, and he really cared for him. he never made it sound like the digital connection was something subpar in a sense. hes had some women show interest in him online, but never irl (or at least after middle school). and he rejected those women because he didnt like their personalities/looks etc. hes extremely picky tbh. but im his first real girlfriend, first time hes ever held hands with a girl, first girl hes ever introduced to his parents, tells me that im the love of his life, etc. his family really like me and look down on "manwhores", you kind of lose status in his family if you arent able to keep a girlfriend

No. 556834

>>556816
so have you like… ever directly told him you feel resentful about some things in the past before and its affecting your feelings for him?

No. 556839

>>556834
yeah, multiple times. he just tells me hes changed and will continue to do better. hes said the same thing since his first wrongdoing. my resentment will randomly hit me at times where i remember those instances though. we're genuinely very affectionate with eachother when i dont remember or think about them

No. 556847

>>556839
i think you know deep down this isnt the person you want to spend your life with

No. 556848

>>556772
>>556792
If he said "let's make plans to go to the beach. I love being out of the house in the morning, so I'd like to be there by 11" and you agreed and then didn't do this, I'd say that you're in the wrong. If you said "yeah I'd love to go to the beach but I really need my sleep, so let's aim for the afternoon" and he still nagged you to get out of the house early, then I'd say that he's in the wrong. so I think since you know that you don't see eye to eye, you need to discuss timing when you make plans in the future instead of making it a needless power struggle where you know he wants to be out asap and he knows you want to sleep in and neither one of you explicitly asks for it.
and I think the next time you have a real conversation about this, you should make it clear that you are gonna compromise going forward, like throw out a line about how you'd like it if you made more plans for the afternoon or evening on weekends so you can catch up on your sleep but that you'll also try to go to bed early and get out early for him sometimes too (just so he doesn't think that he can just say "I'm taking you out and we need to be out the door by 7 am" and that's how it is every time)
>Why do I need to be at the beach by 11 am to do that?
I do wanna say that the the part where he didn't talk about his expectations and just expects you to meet them is entitled and annoying, but I don't think it's just objectively wrong to be a morning person and you should probably try to indulge him sometimes too. to me, it doesn't really sound any different from liking loud bars vs. quiet restaurants, just a preference.

No. 557722

File: 1747677795294.jpg (140.71 KB, 602x588, Screenshot_20250515_151525_You…)

My bf searched through the entirety of the dustiest, hottest, most cramped attic to find his old PS2 for me (mine is on the verge of death so he's giving me his). I want to do something for him in return that's on the same level, but I don't know what. Any ideas? He says I don't have to but idc

No. 557743

>>557722
just bake him something, food is always appreciated

No. 557790

File: 1747685276117.png (145.75 KB, 458x477, Eemm9huXgAA1EaM.png)

my nigel is so scared of intimacy he'd rather hold hands and cuddle and make me food and give me massages and braid my hair rather than kiss or have sex and that's sweet and all but i just want to exchange germs already god damn it.
he's scared of anything involving bodily fluids because he's worried he might have some mystery illness he isn't aware of and could end up passing it to me. for the record he's a virgin. i'm so frustrated anons. i don't think there's any advice to be given, i just wanted to rant. next time i see him i'll just smooch him and grab his dick and we'll see where that goes

No. 557905

>>557790
Tell him to get tested if he's so scared. He sounds like a retard.

No. 557926

Manipulative and experienced nonnas: what do you do when a moid (inevitably) comes back to beg for your time/attention? I'm a firm believer in men will accept whatever you offer them when they come back, but I want to make sure this idiot stays begging for me for as long as I can string him along. I don't usually do this, because I like to move on or forgive. Ugh. I don't want him romantically and not even for sex. Just want him to suffer for his mistakes and for disappointing me after promising so much.

No. 557932

>>557790
Was he sexually abused?

No. 557946

>>557790
He sounds cute asf you're lucky

No. 557952

>>557790
Give him to me then

No. 557953

>>557926
Only ghosting him and moving on completely with a hotter man can truly hurt moids I've found. I fell madly in love with this moid I was dating for months. One day, he just told me he never wanted to see me again and I was devastated, cried for weeks over him. About a year later he came back and was all apologetic and wanted to try again and act like nothing happened. By that time I had already met someone else who mogged him in every measurable way, and when I told him I had moved on he was so mad, I ended up being the one who ghosted him. It felt good and he is still seething over me kek.

No. 558465

>>557926
What on earth did he do. Why not just ignore it.

No. 558736

File: 1747752439303.jpeg (89.96 KB, 564x752, IMG_7128.jpeg)

My husband doesn’t get up on time for work and my mom demands I wake him up every morning. I tell her “no I’m not his mom” and she tells me we’ll be royally fucked if he loses it (it’s true). On one hand I feel like it’s not my job but on the other I get where she’s coming from. Nonnas, would you wake up your man or ruin your life?

No. 558742

>>558736
If you are relying on his income I say get on with it. Or get your own job.

No. 558747

>>558742
I have my own but don’t earn enough money to sustain our lifestyle. He is fully capable of waking up on his own but chooses not to. It’s very frustrating.

No. 558748

>>558736
Why can’t he just set really loud alarms that go off every 5 minutes? If I were you I’d get the biggest ick from needing to wake up a full grown man. I second the other nona, please get your own income since it’s obvious you cannot rely on that scrote

No. 558780

>>558736
I mean if you're royally fucked up if he loses his job it seems like an easy choice surely lol.

Are you ACTUALLY royally fucked up though, like being unable to pay your mortgage and losing your house to it or whatever, or would it just result into a temporary downgrade in your lifestyle, like now you can't eat out three times a week and go on holiday anymore or whatever but still afford your basic necessities. Like if it's the latter maybe you just need to let him fuck up and wisen up.

No. 558814

>>558780
Yeah, we got a lot going on with things to pay off etc. I’ll keep waking him up every morning. I hardly make money from my job so it seems like the logical choice here.

No. 559070

I should probably have a serious talk with my partner to see if we're both on the same page and want to keep moving forward with the relationship after 3 years, but the possibility of it ending up in a break up is terrifying to me, literally feel physically ill thinking about it.
I feel ready to go to the next step and move in together, I spend more time in this house than I do on my own, but we haven't haf that conversation yet apart from jokes about my cats destroying the place or running around the rooms. But is he ready? Some days I feel like he is, he refers to it as our home/our tv/our bedroom/our bathroom, etc, but other days I just feel like I'm just a place holder until someone better comes a long.
I have horrible abandonment and trust issues and I don't know if it's just all in my head and I'm making shit up because I can't allow myself to be happy, or if it's actually based on reality and this relationship is doomed.
Every time I've felt ready to start the conversation has been at the worst time possible, by the time I can start it all my anxiety has gone and I no longer feel like I want to start a discussion, but I also can't keep avoiding the topic like the plague. I guess I'm just frozen in fear by the possibility of breaking up because I truly love this man and I don't want to lose him.

No. 559137

>>559070
What makes you feel like you’re a placeholder gf? It’s hard to know whether it’s in your head without context for what makes you feel this way. It also sounds like you’re perceiving this conversation to have only two outcomes- either he’s ready to move with you and it goes well or he isn’t and then you have to break up. Do those seem like the only two options? If he needs a little more time, does it feel worth exploring why that is and seeing if it’s something you can figure out together? If you perceive this conversation as ‘either he’s ready to move in or else we break up’ then I can see why it would seem like such a frightening conversation to initiate.

No. 559192

>>559070
Are you very young? Do you actually want to move in with him or do you just feel that it’s the next logical step in your relationship and overdue? It’s a little strange to me that you haven’t discussed living together in 3 years but if you’re college age I could see that happening.

No. 559253

>>559137
Honestly I'm not even sure where the fear of being a placeholder girlfriend even comes from. I've mentioned it before and he assured me I'm not, that if he ever felt like he didn't love me he would tell me and not string me along. The start of the relationship was a bit rocky because he was in a bad place personally and didn't feel ready to be a serious couple until his life became more calm, so I've always felt one step ahead of him. We've worked those things out, but they really messed with me tbqh
>Do those seem like the only two options?
I think so, yeah. The conversation is more about what's next for our relationship more than it is about living together. I just need things to progress, the point where we are now feels like the limbo and it's not moving anywhere. I just need the confirmation from him that he sees a future with me, even if it means not moving in together yet.
>>559192
We're both 27. I do want to move in, I practically spend more time at his house than I do mine, and if it wasn't for the fact that I have two cats i have to take care of, I'd spend even more.
We've discussed it before, but it was too early in the relationship and I also wasn't that serious about it, I brought it up because I had just started an internship close to where he lives and it would've made my life easier if I didn't have to drive more than 80km almost every day lol that was a year and a half ago when we were becoming serious, so nothing came of it.
The topic is on my mind again because my living situation might change soon (too long to explain the full context, it's complicated kek), but I don't see the point in moving to a new place, having to put my cats through that stress, and then have to move again shortly after because he agrees we should live together.

No. 559384

>>559253
NTA but assuming he's not trying to have this conversation himself (which it sounds like he isn't) you're never going to know until you ask him. I know you said you love him and losing him would be hard mentally, but if you're a placeholder gf that's not going to change so it's better to know now (and seek another partner) than to keep yourself in agony worrying about this. Sometimes worrying like this can actually be destructive to the relationship because you invent so many issues in your head.

Also if your living situation is about to change it's good to know what you'll be doing next ASAP. You seem to already know you should just have the conversation now. Just try to remember that if he doesn't want to progress your relationship that reality doesn't change from you not talking to him, you're just pushing off the inevitable.

No. 559404

>>559253
It’s better to find out if you’re the “placeholder gf” sooner than later. Nothing sucks more than wasting your time with a retard. I had an ex that was so afraid of commitment he wouldn’t let me live with him because in Canada we have common law and gasp that is almost like marriage kek. If he truly feels that way about you then he’s really missing out.

No. 559680

>>559384
>>559404
Thank you nonnies, you're both right. Pushing off this conversation is just delaying the inevitable, and just taking a toll on my mental health at this point.

No. 559806

Am I irrational for being repulsed by my bf after finding out he watched porn when he was in a relationship when he was 15 (he’s 22 now)??? I’m a turbo autist so I can’t really trust my perception of reality kek I also don’t have any friends to ask because they’re all libfems

No. 559816

>>559806
Yes and no. You should be repulsed but that's not the mainstream brainwashed normie reaction. Women have essentially been socially pressured into being OK with this.

Realisticaly it's very likely he's watching porn now too. The reality is that it's 1) highly addictive 2) extremely accessible 3) very easy to hide.

No. 559821

File: 1747847442152.jpg (36.18 KB, 499x499, IMG_8659.JPG)

I have a first date tomorrow and I haven't been on one of those in almost three years. I met this man on Hinge and we've been texting pretty consistently for almost one week, and we even had a phone call a few nights ago just to chat. We're meeting at a board game cafe and I think we might be getting drinks afterwards. How do you manage nerves before/on a first date? And if anyone has any general advice for me with regards to first dates that would be great.

No. 559925

>>559821
Remember that the date is for you to discover if you like him, so don't concern yourself too much about whether he likes you or not. This is for you. Have fun!

No. 559927

>>559806
Maybe slightly. 15 year olds are retarded and make stupid decisions. You also can't help what you're disgusted by. I once had a bf when I was young who admitted to liking shoeonhead and I couldn't look at him the same

No. 559942

>>559806
I agree with what >>559927 said. You have good instincts to be disgusted with porn use, but as a 15 year old he was also a minor child brought up in a world where porn is normalised and is basically the only male rite of passage left, so it's safe to assume that nearly all modern young men and most modern women were exposed to it as kids. How does your bf as an adult feel about porn? Have you discussed your views with him and made it clear that porn is a dealbreaker? Do you trust him enough to believe that he'll respect your feelings on porn use in a relationship? How does he react when you talk about the topic? I think those questions are more relevant to your in your adult relationship than what he did as a curious and likely horny 15 year old with poor impulse control and unsupervised Internet access. However it's also true that you can't help what turns you off, but on this issue the only Gen Z males alive today who haven't seen porn are likely some kind of Mennonite or live in remote villages without Internet access, and those places are rapidly disappearing, so maybe some grace may be in order.

I hope this helps you in some way. I think you should talk to your bf more before you make any decisions about your relationship.

No. 560071

File: 1747889572251.jpg (299.61 KB, 960x1440, Paris_Hilton_3.jpg)

Just broke up with my first boyfriend, I'm 25 and posted about it before. The one who refused to call me a 10/10 cause I ain't scarlet Johansson despite me seeing him as a 10/10, the one who told me to lose weight despite me being already thin and him being borderline overweight. The one who shut down whenever I called him out on anything.


i was really torned up about him a few hours ago but I guess I have no object permanence cause I am already getting over him and forgot his touch already. I told him I am not staying with a man who doesn't love me. I took him back before because of his gorgeous eyes but I am back home now and he lives far away and he looks better irl so I am safe from that happening again. He said he wants to talk about it and idk what retarded excuses he will try to get me back.

No. 560084

>>560071
Block him anon, you don't owe him any communication. Good riddance, honestly sounds like he was negging you.

No. 560089

>>560084

I mean he seemed nerdy enough to mean it and idk what he would be negging me for since I already was being a pathetic pick me for him. I mean I am curious what he would say tbf

No. 560095

File: 1747890985332.png (22.23 KB, 211x242, 1746876499392.png)

>>560071
Also he literally said that me wanting someone who loves me as much as I love him is too high standards and that if you asked any man they would prefer a female celebrity to their gf
Also he would rarely shower

No. 560109

>>560095
>>560071
good for you, nonna. block him and enjoy your freedom. his unwashed ass doesn't deserve an ounce of the joy you brought to his life. let him seethe and cope.

No. 560170

Just got dumped for the 1st time in my life from a boyfriend of 1.5 years. Yesterday morning I was packing bags to start the moving process to be with him, during which he was reassuring me telling me how much he loved me and would never break up with me, but by night he called me and broke up with me. He was crying saying he was suicidal, he wanted to stay friends, but I still blocked him on everything. Wild shit.
I was so angry and balled my eyes out until they hurt but then something clicked, I was crying over a boy who never even came in me (ED from suspected porn addiction).
I stopped crying in an instant and got 2 dates lined up for me this weekend. Am I moving too fast or do break ups just get easier when you are older? Never been broken up with but idk, I feel so calm about it rn.

No. 560192

>>560170
No thats based of you

No. 560194

>>560170
the trash took itself out, you're good nonna

No. 560243

>>560170
Good for you Nonna. Breakups get easier when you are capable of seeing your worth and realizing you deserve better.

No. 560275

File: 1747916783489.png (50.11 KB, 1080x1080, IMG_7158.png)

>>558736
I kicked his ass and sent him to work yesterday. When he got back he started blaming my mom and that he performed poorly because she got him anxious about his job. I called her last night and she told me that constantly blaming others is a symptom of narcissism. He also tells me we’re not doing good financially which makes me anxious then says “oh we’re fine” after I’m freaking out.

No. 560464

>>560275
>she told me that constantly blaming others is a symptom of narcissism.
Your mom is so based, listen to her.

No. 560465

>>560170
I just don’t get how you can endure 1.5 years of bullshit like this.
>based
To stay with a porn addict until he leaves you?

No. 560471

>>559821
Enjoy your first date and don’t expect more. It might transform into something , who knows but dating apps are a shit show and getting a decent date is rare , so just enjoy your outings and don’t take any of them seriously because most of the time they don’t ever amount to anything.
I matched with many men but I only went out with the ones who were cordial enough not to talk about sex or straight out invite me to their home and the dates I’ve been with were nice. Last summer I went out for two months with a scrote, I had fun, ate out, went to beach until he had to go to Milan for work, went texted while he was there , but then he started acting cold and that’s when I knew it was time to dip.
I like using apps to just feel the thrill of the honeymoon phase honestly, it’s like having a different boyfriend every time and I get to see eye candy too. Men are on their best behavior in those two months kek.

No. 560472

>>559821
Don’t drink too much. Just drink enough to be tipsy. Get your own ride too preferably as it’s a first date.
For the rest just be you.

No. 560518

Anyone have advice on how to deal with the fact my boyfriend is kind of an ahole about my interests? Like he can’t talk about anything without overtly criticizing it, and he does it to me all the time. I’ve been rewatching twilight for fun, and all he does is put it down as some kind of immature piece of media. And I want to add I never said it was perfect or I was a big fan, but it doesn’t matter because whatever I mention becomes enemy number one to him. He does this about my music taste, my taste in movies. If I show him a movie, he will begin hating it before he will ever consider liking it. I don’t know if I need to emotionally regulate better or if he genuinely doesn’t respect me.

No. 560582

>>560518
He genuinely does not respect you. I would never treat a friend like this, let alone my girlfriend. I would break up with him if I were you, find someone who likes listening to what you talk about and enjoys exploring new things through you.

No. 560609

>>560518
I find my nigel's interests absolutely mind-numbingly boring but I would never be rude to him or make fun of them because I know they mean a lot to him. Men who are casually mean dismissive and mocking like this are often abusive in other ways later on I've noticed

No. 560639

>>557932
as far as i know no, though he's been unlucky with creepy gay moids approaching him when he was a teenager to the point of having to fight one off
>>560518
he clearly doesn't respect you. he doesn't have to like everything you like but there's no need to be an asshole about it
>He does this about my music taste, my taste in movies.
what do you even talk about

No. 560684

I am lonely am I in the wrong if I want to start talking to other men a day after breaking up with my boyfriend who didn't love me

No. 560703

>>560684
not at all, go for it nona. live for yourself.

No. 560790

>>560639
I still talked about my interests until a month ago where I just kinda shut down, I won’t play music I like and I won’t recommend shows/movies anymore. I told him it makes me feel like shit and he claims he can be normal about it but i genuinely think it is just apart of his personality that all he does is fucking complain.

No. 560840

im legit so stuck on how to approach or meet new guys in my life. i almost approached a cute one i saw in public today but i pussied out. any advice? i dont mind doing it online either although i kinda prefer IRL since you can tell immediately if youre talking to a gross uggo. do i just need to go out to public places more?

No. 560854

>>516399
>He's literally a manager.

lol

No. 561348

>>560684
no - fuck his ass, go out and enjoy yourself. Talking to men doesn't mean dick anyway

No. 561497

Ok, I know I'm the asshole here or something, but I really need your advice, nonas.
Basically, we are in a LDR for now. It was alright for us, but I had a psychiatric episode. I started a new medication, and it made me super paranoid and psychotic, so I ghosted all my friends and family, including him. Then, I had some injection that made me sleep for a week straight. Then, I broke my phone and couldn't reach out to him.
Anyway, we didn't talk for a month. I kinda feel guilty and like that crazy girl or something, but I want to reach out to him again. Do you think he will understand? Should I? As I said, I ghosted everyone and didn't respond to his messages for a while and then lost my phone. I don't know what to do.

No. 561498

File: 1748066553016.jpg (45.52 KB, 700x600, 1746048204458945.jpg)

How do you cope with having to talk to numerous retarded moids when trying to find a bf?

I already miss my ex who didnt love me because atleast he was smart and semi nice . Also yeah i am tistic so dealing with annoying people drains me more than normal people i feel

No. 561515

>>561497
>LDR for now
What I'm getting from this is that you're in an online relationship and haven't met irl at all or have only met very few times, am I wrong? Otherwise you probably wouldn't be hesitant to reach out.

Personally I don't view online relationships as something worth pursuing. But if he's someone you want to keep around, you have no choice but to tell him. You really have nothing to lose because you've already lost him if you don't say anything. It sounds like a lie though, you had a psychotic break down and then lost your phone? Not sure if he'll believe that. But at least if he doesn't believe it the social consequences will be limited considering you won't have to see him irl.

No. 561522

>>561515
No, we were dating IRL but now he is overseas and we can't meet each other for now. Ofc we are planning on reuniting again when we can.
As to the lie part, yeah, it sounds like an overkill but it's true. He knows I have problems and he wasn't phased by them.

No. 561556

>>560518
How do you even stand being around moids like this? Dump his ass. I talk about girly things like Infinity Nikki/otome games and my bf always asks me questions and asks for me to play in front of him (and he's a huge normalfag). He never laughs or thinks it's dumb. Find a better moid.

No. 561754

does anyone live with their boyfriend? im supposed to move in with him in a few months and i feel like i am making a mistake….

No. 561830

I think I'm breaking up with my girlfriend tomorrow, it's been less than a year and it's just not working for reasons on both ends. What I'm worried about is how to do it. In the past I've been irresponsible and done it over messages, so I thought I'd arrange to meet up at a park. Since looking at reddit threads etc though I read that lots of people would actually prefer just a call or even message to save them the effort and being in a public space under those circumstances. I already made the plans so I'm not sure what to do now, maybe calling her a couple of hours before our plans to let her know I planned to have a difficult conversation, and leave it up to her to meet with me or not? I know there's never an easy way, but I'm trying to figure out the most respectful way to do this, any opinions would be really appreciated because I just don't know now.

No. 561889

>>561498
Don't push yourself too hard to find someone right away. It's okay to pace yourself and take a break when you're feeling fed up with talking to people. I think for most women it's more sustainable to date for a little bit, then take a break, and then try again as opposed to forcing yourself to keep talking to moids until you find one you want to date- just because you'll probably burn out and feel discouraged a lot faster that way. I'm sure you will find another moid who is smart and nice (and who will love you), but unfortunately you will probably have to weed out quite a few duds before you get there. It's okay to treat it more like a marathon than a sprint and take breaks as needed.

No. 561948

>>561754
I did it and we broke up because he gave up at the first sign of hardship. Since we weren't married he had no need to try, he could just pick up his shit and leave one day like it was nothing. My mom was right, never move in with a guy before marrying him. My sister was about to make the same mistake because she couldn't pay her rent anymore, and thankfully I was able to move in with her since I was single. Fuck her moid, he isn't getting marriage benefits before marrying her.

No. 561996

>>561948
living with a moid sounds like a nightmare. crunchy cum soaked boxers laying around, skidmarks in the toilet, piss on the seat, sweat and moid stank on the bed, dirty dishes, porn tabs open on the pc, most men ive met live like pigs.

No. 562149

File: 1748147937400.jpeg (62.11 KB, 445x491, 1527888371221-bigoldboy.jpeg)

>went to a cafe and asked the staff a question, it was a cute shy guy but i didn't think much of it
>continue to go there and notice he comes to my area often to clean and stuff but i just think it's a coincidence
>after a few times he starts making conversation with me, asks me where i'm from, how old i am etc…
>when i forget my card one time, he offers to pay with his
>sees me outside the cafe one time and comes up to me to say hi
>i was frustrated that he never ends the conversation by asking for my contact so one time at the cafe i write my instagram on a note and give it to him
>after a few hours he follows me, i follow him back
>silence since then
do moids these days like to be chased? is it possible he's just shy?
my friends told me i should try messaging him first but that just seems desperate to me since i already gave him the note first. i honestly couldn't stop cringing at myself for like 3 days after making the move first, but i really wanted to try to step out of my comfort zone and do it. my pride is already hurt, i think sending the message first too would completely murder it.

No. 562184

>>562149
i wouldnt read too much into it, honestly. it sounds like he is just being friendly and you mistook it for flirting. and he probably followed you because it would have been awkward if he didnt. sorry nona. dont sexually harass the cafe employees he is probably just bored and wanted someone to talk to.

No. 562195

>>562184
kek thanks for the reality check anon. i think the reading too much into it comes from me being inexperienced… i'm glad i stepped out of my comfort zone at least

No. 562236

>>562149
i would have assumed he was flirting too nonna, don’t feel too bad. and if he has no pics of a gf on his insta you could always ask anyway.

No. 562254

>>562149
Dunno I would've assumed he was flirting too. Unless he was very chatty with other customers too.

No. 562387

>>562184
>dont sexually harass the cafe employees he is probably just bored and wanted someone to talk to
A woman giving a man her contact info isn't sexual harrassment. Retard.
>>562149
Don't chase him, nonna. You already gave him your contact info to show interest (stacy move) and now it's his turn to reciprocate.

No. 562432

>>562149
Wtf I would have also assumed he was flirting. I still think he was. Maybe something came up like his ex texted him wanting to get back together? It could be completely out of your control, you did your part there's not much else to think about.

No. 562451

>>562184
smh why are you sabotaging her? guys literally never act like that to girls that they dont think are attractive/cute

No. 562452

My boyfriend is super autistic but up until this point I considered him a nigel type guy. Until he left his phone at home and I saw that he was flirting with some random girl in his coding bootcamp. He’s 37. She’s 22. The worst thing is she curved him and told him she had a boyfriend. But he asked her to hang out just the two of them and bought her “treats” and had a nickname for her in the chat. I feel so embarrassed by this simp behaviour from him. Like disgusted. I can’t look at him in the same way. I feel rage. At the time of the messages (I compared the date) I was grieving from my mum dying from alcoholism and two days after he had sent the text asking for the two of them to hang out which she said no I apologised to him because I had been so depressed with my grieving lol. Idk what to do. I’m just seething and he’s acting like everything is normal. When I confronted him he told me he didn’t have a normal “college life” and that’s why he was flirtatious? Or some shit. Oh my god. My rage has no end.

No. 562459

>>562452
for all that is holy dump this sociopath freak now

No. 562461

>>562452
That's a moid for you. When you go through grief or get ill, they will keep themselves busy in other ways. They have no conscience. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, you deserve better. Dump him. He won't redeem himself and next time another girl will say yes …

No. 562469

>>562452
Dump that loser. You don't even need to explain yourself or give him closure. Heck, get yourself a younger, cuter guy than him too to rub salt in his wound.

No. 562858

>>542250
As an update to this situation- we basically went no contact after breaking up which is probably for the best. I did message him once before I unfriended him just to get stuff off my chest so that I wouldn't have any regrets (mostly to apologize for things that I felt I could have done better). He just texted me today and said I shouldn't blame myself and it was his fault and he wishes me the best. I'm fine with leaving it at that. I feel like I have some closure now that it was mostly his fault and I didn't overreact by breaking up with him. I want to enjoy being single for a while longer, but I'm ready to find someone who won't make me feel as though I'm asking for too much or that it's just so much work to be in a relationship with me.

No. 562862

>>562452
I am seething for you. Fuck this guy, just bail completely.

No. 564081

>>560472
>>560471
>>559925
AYRT. Thanks for the advice, nonnas! It's been a couple days since we went out and we're going on a picnic date today. Luckily the board game cafe didn't serve alcohol so I didn't feel pressured to drink. I never like drinking on first dates so that was perfect.
We ended up talking for 6 hours and it felt like the time just flew by. I like the idea of just using apps to basically be treated well for two months and then ending it when that goes away, at least for now. I'll be moving for school anyways in a few months so I've got some time just to have fun and go on dates.
I'm definitely keeping my expectations in check for where this will go and hopefully I end up having fun on my date today too!
On another note, I'm trying to figure out how to gauge red flags. I understand that there are some things that moids do that signal disinterest in relationships, but how do I know what dealbreaker behaviour to look out for?

No. 564098

File: 1748356136555.jpg (30.36 KB, 489x423, 1747140606064.jpg)

How do I stop being in love with my ex when I 25 want a guy my own age that also has a full head of hair pref blonde and was cute while everyone else who texts me is balding and or ugly who is my age?

I wannt to crawl back to him cause everyone else is so repulsive

No. 564101

>>564098
depends on why you broke up. tbh you sound like one of those people who only ever want what they cant have.

No. 564103

>>564101
He only liked me like what I gave to his life but wasn't in love with me. Wdym?

No. 564130

File: 1748360976772.png (273.16 KB, 765x2117, Screenshot 2025-05-27 at 16.48…)

is there any hope of salvaging this

No. 564133

>>564130
No and why would you want to?

No. 564134

>>564130
Sounds like a conclusion has already been reached between you both?

No. 564136

>>564133
lonely, touch starved and bored. my parents died in an accident 2 years ago and i'm only 25. i have no one

No. 564138

>>564136
No matter how lonely you are you can do better than a fuckboy who wants sex on the first date

No. 564139

>>564130
Kek do you even need to ask? Why are you wanting to even salvage this?

No. 564140

>>564139
Sorry didn’t see your reply to another anon. Pls don’t bother. Just find someone else. He clearly just wants sex.

No. 564141

>>564139
We had a date and I fancied him

No. 564142

>>564138
Second date but yeah. Why is he so comfortable asking me for sex? My buttons were done all the way up to my neck on the date. Why do I exude desperation and sluttiness even though I dress modestly and express boundaries?

No. 564143

>>564142
You could have shown up in a burqa and men will still push their luck for sex right away. It's not you, it's them. But your initial question was desperate and you need to work on your self-worth.

No. 564179

>>564142
I assume that most dating apps exude desperation and “sex only” energy. If you’re wanting physical touch, have you considered a massage therapist? I don’t mean that in a sexual way. I’m a massage therapist and after covid started to calm, people came to me because they wanted to feel connected to another person. Most of my guests were women who just wanted physical contact. Most men your age just want sex. Especially if you’re looking on dating apps.

No. 564380

I'm 33, still look good, but all the men my age are hideous and it gets worse the older they get.
I've been taking care of myself since I was a teen, and it shows, but my dating pool is all bald fat men I could never imagine being sexual with. The only guys I've been attracted to so far are in their early 20s, but I can't be with them without feeling like an absolute creep. Has anyone dealt with this?

No. 564413

>>564380
Why do you feel like a creep for dating a grown ass man in his 20s?

No. 564455

>>564380
i am 34 dating a man 10 years younger than me. if they are in the same life-stage as you who cares? some 30 year olds are immature still. it's creepy when people do it with super immature people. like men, they only date immature younger women because women their age don't want them, like us. mature younger men are where it's at.

No. 564466

>>564455
>i am 34 dating a man 10 years younger than me. if they are in the same life-stage as you who cares? some 30 year olds are immature still

that nonnie probably feels like a creep because they're not immature and in a more advanced life stage than most 20s year olds lol. finding a good looking 20s year old moid in a 30s age bracket life stage and maturity is rare, and probably means the moid had a chaotic early life and experience in the military

No. 564469

>>564380
I’m 36 and I’ve gone out with men 10 years younger than me. It is a bit weird at first but you get over it quickly. I think the youngest I dated was a 22 yr old. They’re all so stupid and immature kek. But at least their dick gets hard and they’re cute.

No. 564474

>>564466
a lot of 20 somethings are in business or have careers, what live stage are you talking about?

No. 564492

>>564380
Date younger. My sister in law is 32 and looks great, ended up married to a guy 5 years younger.

No. 564533

>>564142
>Why is he so comfortable asking me for sex?
He is a man

No. 564634

File: 1748429775468.jpg (17.68 KB, 275x222, 1741991434188.jpg)

I don't regret my military/security/law enforcement experience, but it does make it really hard to date. Men are so fucking fragile and I always wind up with men who feel emasculated when compared to my career history. Like okay dude I'm so fucking sorry that I made it into the Army and you couldn't even make it into the Air Force because you had a weird spine or something. Grow up. They always have admirable careers as well. One of them was volunteering at one of the worst middle schools in our state and had made genuine efforts to turn it around, the other one was really good with special needs kids and really cared about them. They were doing good and necessary work. I always praised them but they just couldn't accept that I had the more stereo-typically "masculine" jobs.

No. 564697

>>564474
having a job isn't the only thing. there's also mindset and goals. a lot of 20 somethings with jobs want to spend their money and live life, but a 30s year old may want to slow down and settle. there's some mindset changes that happen, that's just a result of time passing. 20s year olds still have pretty fixed, immature views of the world.

it's hard to explain but it makes you hyper aware you're talking to a younger person. so it's super gross how moids can just prey on teens like that.

that's why in age gap relationships, the older person is always immature compared against their peers. the only way they can present as mature is to put themselves next to someone who just can't compete developmentally

No. 564737

>>564466
>>564697
Wanting to spend money and party doesn't have much to do with age, but personality. I don't want a 30+ year old moid who has been fucking around in his 20s, eating like shit, partying and drinking all night, and having random flings. Of course men in their 30s are going to want to "settle down" because they are the men no woman actually wanted to pick. I'd rather be with a responsible man in his early 20s who has his hair and a working dick, over a 30+ year old with low t who wants to "settle down" with me because he couldn't get his shit together when it mattered.

No. 564743

>>564737
> responsible man in his early 20s who has his hair and a working dick
my only point was this type of moid is rare lol

No. 564848

>>564743
A good moid in general is rare, so why even date walled men?

No. 564873

>>564743
> responsible man in his 30s who has his hair and a working dick
Thats even rarer



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