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No. 447913
>>447912Women in good relationships don't need to come for advice. Similarly women in good relationships largely try to avoid mentioning it for reasons of intracompetitive "showing off" (I have had female friends angry that my boyfriend is "nice" and theirs isn't, verbally communicating such, not subtext) or in highly insular radfem spaces pulling a Not My Nigel, which is just embarrassing. But you do sound like a malignant retard.
>>447894The advice you're getting reads as very weird to me for reasons perhaps not worth elaborating upon (virgins? FDS? I don't know). If you've accepted that men and women are equal emotional creatures the way you're courting is not a problem (the idea of a nice quiet cooking date sounds appealing to me; a male peacocking would put me off). I would just keep it at that, though: serious courting; cultivate intimacy and trust first; take it slowly. There's nothing wrong with you pursuing him– if anything I would dispute that men who are not entitled to women's sexual attention and time tend to
avoid taking up the patriarchal role of pursuing women due to a fear of entitlement in that respect– but you would ideally expect reciprocation. You care so much about his preferences, what he wants, what he needs, what he enjoys doing– what about you? Where do your needs figure in here? That's actually the part that matters, not what other people are telling you to do, including me, and this other litany of women on lolcow and in this fellow's personal life: are you happy? Do you feel it's mutual? Or do you just enjoy the chase and you've forgotten about yourself?
No. 447927
>>447917>paragraph-long sperg misapprehending the point I made originallyI know you're rejoicing in other women's pain
>>447912>schadenfreudeand trying to make me upset, but you're failing at larping the sadism you think to be inherent in men. Maybe you're right, honestly, because you're not very good at it.
No. 448074
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>>447914This. All human relationships are pointless and doomed to fail, and no humans are worth caring about anyways. There are no friends in this world, and there are no good people.
No. 448083
>>447960>He didn't have to put in any effort, planning, or money into your date>you're defending him for itYes I am. He put hours of work into finishing his projector and wiring a sound system ahead of our date, found important films he thought I'd like based on a previous conversation about my tastes, prepared everything for some of my favourite foods that I mentioned off-hand a couple of months ago, then took me for a walk along the foreshore lit by fireworks, before dropping me home with the cupcakes we made. Why would I want to go to a cooking class? I know how to cook, and because I was in that very nice kitchen with him, I know he has money, spends it well and knows how to cook too, but I also know he keeps a clean home, pays attention to detail, doesn't mind cleaning in the slightest and eats well. I know he really listens to me when I talk, even when I'm not paying attention to what a say, and enjoys talking with me just to talk and share things with each other. I know he's a safe driver, keeps a well-maintained car, instinctively walks between me and other men, is patient and maintains his fitness.
I see dating as an effort to get to know the person I want to spend my time with. I liked our date because it told me things about him that he can't fake or hide. He can't hide the fact he needs to see something to remember to clean it, as evidenced by everything being spotless from his eye level down, but with grime on the very top of his stove's rangehood mounting and spots on the skirting board beneath his cupboards. He can't hide that he gets distracted from projects and lacks follow-through, as evidenced by the half-dozen half-finished ones lining his workshop's shelves. If we'd gone to a couples cooking class and had dessert at a restaurant, all I'd know is that he could follow instructions and was willing to buy my affection through overpriced sweets.
No. 448098
>>448083I’m really not trying to be mean but your posts the last few days about this just seem like pure fanfic kek if this all really happened that’s so wholesome but like…on LC it’s hard not to be
sus of such posts kek like either you happened to hit SUCH a jackpot or this man is going to be a serial killer in the real way not just the hyperbole way
No. 448131
My nigel is thinking about going on a trip to follow a band's tour for a few weeks next year. I've done this a few times myself when I was in my late teens/early 20's and it involved a lot of drugs, drinking and hookups. We're in a much different phase of life now where we're both settling and calmed down. I have a lot of regrets and bad memories from the tour days, but he has never done it, and doesn't understand the appeal of the party lifestyle. As far as I know him, he's always just been a music nerd, we go to a lot of shows together and nothing weird happens. He just wants to see the shows and have a little road trip (which he's done for years without the music part). But I know he likes to dress well, be well-groomed and look good, he's very charismatic and sociable, and he's told me before when I was out of town some girl tried to hit on him at a show and it made both of us very uncomfortable. He's very aware that all I just don't want is for him to flirt/sleep with anyone else, or to get blackout drunk (never happened, but my ex was a violent alcoholic and it's my nightmare).
I've openly communicated that first of all I'd miss him while he's away, but that I am worried he'd get hit on, or overdo it with the alcohol and sleep with someone. How would you feel about this? Am I being a crazy/paranoid bitch? How can I chill out and let him enjoy his hobbies? I feel like I'm letting my own past, bad experiences color something that's got little to do with it at this point in our lives.
No. 448172
>>448154>between 10-20% of people, depending on age and genderI wonder what the criterias are because this seems a lot, I've never met another consistent celibate person like me, at most people were taking a break in dating for like one year.
>it's certainly not seen as positive so it's not talked aboutIt should be seen as something neutral, I feel like celibacy can only be justified if it's religious/cultural/trauma induced (but you still need to get over it at some point), people should be allowed not to care about romantic relationships for whatever reason.
No. 448224
>>448079You and the other nonna didn’t get my point at all kek. Even if you get with the so called “good man” it’s still the same.
It’s just the dynamics of heterosexual relationships and I’m saying this as a straight woman too who is still somehow trying to make peace with this notion and the desire to be loved back, genuinely.
The sooner you wake up and the sooner you’ll be better. Being with a man means breaking your boundaries and forgiving many of his shortcomings, you lose more when you’re with a man than when you’re alone.
No. 448225
>>448224I’m actually saying that you have to be alert and mindful at all times and to not project your ideals on a man , they’ll never live up to them. Prepare to be disappointed, dismissed, cheated on, spoken over etc. if you have that mindset then you won’t ever have a heartbreak in your life and you won’t ever blame yourself for a scrote’s own wrongdoings.
Romantic love has been sold to us far too long.
No. 448348
>>448344I didn't say it was a hobby. It takes seconds anyway
>>448347>All men would love to be raped by a womanKek true
No. 448594
>>448577Most cons you're listing are actually pros even if they're annoying at first glance (being clean, trying to integrate despite the gap, wants to spend time with you…), him trying to make you more cultured could be either because he looks down on you and wants to 'mold' you to his liking (cynical) or him investing effort in your bond (whitepilled). If the feeling of grossing him out persists you should try and discuss it, it could be ambivalence (which is pretty normal in a relationship). From my own perspective, i've dated someone whose idea of a nice night was watching retarded youtube slop with a beer and while it was fun, it did bore me after a while and i did find it soul-crushing so i complained. But i still had fun and i found a way to balance this non-hobby with my own interests. Feeling ambivalent towards your partner once in a while is okay.
I'd say go for it nona, he sounds like a catch. Don't worry about your relationship not lasting, you have to be a little egoistical with your happiness and you can never be sure anything lasts anyways. You seem nervous but it's the good kind of nervousness, it's stress from having something really nice and not knowing what to do with it
>>448524It's fine, most freemason crime is white-collar corruption shit, unless you live in Europe and are dating a guy with ties to the military you should be fine kek
No. 448998
>>448771Any time I've heard of a man saying stuff like that and then just staying with you like it's no biggie afterwards (when those are breaking up words to normal people).. it's a waiting game where they just want their source of sex to stay around a bit longer and they'll end up properly dumping you moments before (or on) the next special occasion for maximum damage and so they don't need to put any effort into you when they've already mentally clocked out. We even get it on here every V day and Xmas week. The last moment dumping that ruins an occasion but saves him money and maybe makes him feel like he won the game.
I'd get ahead of it and just do the dumping while you've still got a couple weeks till xmas to start moving on. First break ups tend to suck hard enough already without waiting to see if he pulls the whole dumping you on xmas week trick.
No. 449006
>>447876My boyfriend barely wants to see me nowadays, without talking to me for weeks. He is my first boyfriend. I respect his privacy, but this does not feel like a relationship anymore. I reach out to him and he does not respond, and I feel worried to bother him.
He is emotionally detached as well whenever I need him. I feel like he does not care. We have been together for 3 years. I work and study in university. He does neither. He has tried to complete schooling and a job, but he quits soon after or gets fired. He also hides things from me. I guess his ADHD has to do with it?
As a woman, I feel like it’s over. I wanted to get married to someone with a responsible adult with a stable income and who is emotionally available. Instead, I feel stagnant, and I am waiting for no reason. Besides this issue, I love him and I think we get along together well, although I don’t agree with everything.
Do I need a better boyfriend or is this typical of men? What do I do?
No. 449025
>>449014„lately“ as in the past year kekkk
what annoys me about him is that he‘s lazy and doesn’t really have any interests, we mostly talk about terminally online shit kek. and what annoys me the most is that he doesn‘t like doing anything outside of his home. e.g. „why would I go to a restaurant with you when I can doordash some food and we can eat at home“ or when I ask him if he wants to come along with me to any activity that I like to do he does join me sometimes but then he‘s moody and noticeably annoyed that we’re not at home and nagging about wanting to leave which obviously ruins my mood. I‘m a quite social person and living an „active“ life is really important to me. idk, he’s a kind person but everything else … meh. I keep hoping that he‘ll change but since it’s been a year already I‘m not sure if staying with him is the right thing. ok now I answered my own question already kek sorry for rambling
No. 450119
>>450101you should probably leave your BPD
victim in the past, even if you're better now. he'll always remember the unmedicated you and be worried it would come back
No. 450120
>>448594Yeah that's fair enough it's just a problem in one particular way. I asked him to move in with me before Christmas to force my family to get to know him more but he hates the idea. I really just want to be able to see him and fuck without an hour drive to town and back but he thinks my dad will resent him for being so blatant like he thinks dad doesn't know what goes on when I spend every weekend with him. Maybe he's right but if he thinks we're going to keep doing date nights rather than move in together to make my dad more comfortable then he's got another think coming.
I think I'm going to give him another 6 months ask dad to bring him on and see how he handles the hard drought we've got coming. Every time there's a drought there's always a few divorces or bankruptcies and I think if we can muddle through it without a blowup then I'll keep him and figure out a timeline for kids. Our lawyer advised me not to marry him while he was in the room and he took it pretty well so the first big hurdle is over.
No. 450345
I spent the past week really thinking over my current relationship with my boyfriend, and things are not good. I had been avoiding thinking about things thoroughly for a while because I knew they'd be bad, but now I really don't know what I'm going to do. I had a nasty breakup around a year and a half ago and spent 8 months trying and failing to get over it. The only men who expressed interest in me during those months were the kind that only saw me as a hole. My parents saw how bad I was doing and pushed for me to try meeting people on dating apps. But I couldn't bring myself to try and look for anyone else romantically. I didn't want a new partner, but I did want someone to be around and talk to. I tried Bumble Friends but got ghosted by all the women on there. I also tried going to places/events in person, but nobody reciprocated my efforts there. Combined with the fact I was working somewhere that made me dread waking up every day, things were not good. I got a new job though, and had to move for it. A bit after I moved, one person approached me while I was out in public. He seemed genuinely interested in me as a person first, rather than a guy looking for easy sex. We clicked immediately because we have a lot in common. Our values align pretty well save a few small things, and we come from very similar backgrounds. I was beyond happy to have somebody new in my life, especially one who was so kind and fun to be around. But, since he is a man, it only took like 3-4 weeks of us knowing each other before he came at me with "Actually I like you and want us to date now."
I wasn't looking for a relationship considering I was honestly still very hung up over my ex. But on the other hand, I was desperate for any connection I could get so I very stupidly just went with it. At that moment I didn't think I was capable of meeting/keeping anyone else around since I had just spent the last 8 months entirely alone with shit luck to go with it. We have been 'dating' now for 6 months, and I am not attracted to him at all. Having sex/kissing him was something I could tolerate at first, but in the past few months it has started to make my stomach turn. My already low sex drive has plummeted even further. I hate that I feel this way because he is a super sweet person, and has introduced me to so many amazing people and opportunities too. We always have fun doing things together, and I don't regret meeting him at all. He has so many great qualities but god I am just not into him. Dating was the worst thing I could have agreed to. He often tells me about how every time he talks with his parents, he gushes about me and will relent about just how happy they are for us. It makes me just want to die. I do not want to be with him anymore, and I never truly did. For a while I forced myself to not think about it because maybe I was just apprehensive about falling in love again. But no, I just do not love him like that. I have come to slowly accept that what I needed in that moment was a friend, I was far from ready to jump into a relationship. It was a split-second decision made at my most desperate during one of the lowest points in my life. I just didn't want to risk another indefinite period of loneliness. I really should have just risked it. We might have even remained friends to some extent considering it was so early. I don't think that is possible now. There is also the fact that he shares a lot of qualities with my ex, like his favorite shows, movies, and songs. Even some small hyper-specific things. It genuinely shocks me. I suppressed those specific thoughts when they arose because it made me feel so uncomfortable each time, but I do think these similarities subconsciously affected me. Maybe some part of me wanted to be with my ex still instead of with him, and those small things they shared distracted me. I feel so guilty because has never once treated me poorly, but I do not want to be with him for the rest of my life. I just wish to be single again so bad it hurts
No. 450695
>>450345as
>>450520 said - you can either do this now, or you'll end up doing it after marriage/mortgage/kids when it is so much more difficult. It's easier to leave when you have no ties. Your long post already signifies that you've given this a lot of thought, but you do want to leave this relationship. Most importantly you don't love him. It doesn't matter that he's never treated you badly, you don't have to stay with him. You also don't have to not be friends - yeah things might be awkward for a few months, but if he's as decent as you say - you can go back to being friends at some point.
No. 450850
>>450716That is partially why it has been so difficult. I can tell how in love with me he is, but I just won't ever feel it back. There is this fear I have that nobody is going to have that level of love for me again, and it has kept me from ending things. But I really am just wasting my youth, and his time too. The attraction thing you mentioned is probably the worst part. I tried my best to ignore the fact he is really unattractive, and its like he just got uglier over time. Maybe if he was just a bit better looking, I could stick it out. But you can't change most of the things that I find unattractive about him. I am no model, but the arrogant side of me knows I shouldn't realistically have to date down so hard. Honestly I almost wish I would have ghosted him after he threw the relationship idea out there, maybe he would have backtracked a bit.
>>450695Yeah, thank you for the reassurance. Imagining myself married to him made my stomach drop, I am just gonna make it worse for both of us if I continue the relationship much longer. I suppose I needed a place to vent it out before I actually went and ended things with him. We might be able to be friends again in the future, but if it doesn't happen I at least have some good memories from it all. I have a pretty good support system with my few friends outside of him, so I'm positive I'll make it out in the end.
No. 450949
>>450854If I roleplay that situation in my head, the only emotion that comes up for me is relief. In this scenario he would have been able to move on and find someone new who returns his feelings, because I do think he deserves that. And this is regardless of if said person is way prettier than me, I would be thrilled for him either way. Comparatively: when I was still hung up over my ex, thinking about him moving on with someone after our breakup physically hurt. My chest ached at the idea of it. I now know my ex is with someone new and I am at peace with it, she honestly sounds like an amazing person from what I have heard of her. But thinking about my current BF moving on just doesn't spark any negative emotion at all, I feel as if I would be instantly happy to see him with someone new. Even if it happened a day after we split ways.
Back to the appearance thing for a bit though, I know that he knows we are far from looksmatched. This all feels so egotistical to write, but I can't help but feel it is entirely true. Lately, he has been saying things like "I am still so surprised you're dating me because I never thought I would even have a chance with someone that looks like you." He has dated people before and is super charming, so its not that I think he would die alone without me. But realistically I just don't think a anyone above a "6/10" would settle down with him for life. Even just a couple days ago, he dropped a line like "Whenever you go out to visit family and I'm not going along with you, I get worried you will realize how much better you can do than me." I already started realizing that I 100% did not want to be with him anymore before he said it, but the guilt and self-hate hit me like a truck to hear him verbalize exactly what I'd been feeling about him. It is almost like he subconsciously knows something is coming, and has for a couple of weeks now. I worry a lot that leaving him will tank his self worth, which is difficult. I honestly feel like he has tied some amount of his self esteem to having me around and having some kind of 'claim' on me.
No. 450963
>>450949It sounds like you genuinely like him as a friend nonna, and want the best for him, but are utterly repulsed by him romantically so the only option here is to be merciful to yourself and kind to him by ending the relationship so he can move on with someone he likes more and you can move on with someone you like more (or even as a single, but not trapped in a relationship with a man you're repulsed by). It doesn't sound like there's any reason to stay in this relationship because it's actively hurting you both. You don't have to tell him you actually find him hideous and think you're too good looking for him either, maybe the confidence boost he got from this will help him with dating in the future and it sounds like you think he's a good person who deserves happiness so that's fine. You shouldn't ever date down out of charity though it's not good for you. Respect yourself and your own feelings.
If it's about the guilt that you will tank his self esteem then just plan a way to break up with him/a reason to give that doesn't hint at there being anything wrong with him or you thinking you're too good for him. You can make it about yourself (hey sorry I realized that when we started dating I was still hung up over my ex and I still feel like I haven't processed the breakup even after dating you for so long, so I don't think it's right for me to continue this because I've been suppressing feelings instead of working through them and moving on, for example). But if he still senses that you're out of his league and experiences a drop in self esteem because of that it's not your fault, men aren't entitled to beautiful women just because they're nice.
No. 451419
My husband is very good at comforting me when I’m just slightly anxious or upset and in general seems to be much more emotionally intelligent and empathetic than most men (at least that’s what other women keep telling me), but when I’m very upset about something he suddenly completely ignores me during the episode and for a day or two afterwards. As in, he acts like I’m invisible to him. Doesn’t talk to me or acknowledge me in any way. Yesterday evening while I was getting ready for bed he was very friendly and lovey, gave me a hug, asked what my plans were for the next day. Then I got a text message that upset me a lot and I spent the rest of the night sobbing but he didn’t even ask me what was wrong, just turned his back to me and went to sleep. It’s now almost noon and he hasn’t said a word to me. Just acts like he’s alone in the room.
What the hell is that about? It doesn’t happen often, maybe a few times a year. But it happens consistently every time I get very upset about anything. When I ask him about it afterwards he deflects and denies, saying he’s just too tired to be social. But he wasn’t too tired five minutes before I started crying, and he isn’t too tired to socialise with people other than me. It feels like he’s punishing me but for what? Being sad?
Inb4 “leave him”, I’m a disabled NEET who’s financially dependant on him and we share a house. My status as a disabled NEET is the source of the crying fits in question, and he knows this. I’ve been looking for a job for years but every time I think I’ve finally found something it gets snatched away, which is extremely demoralising. It would be nice if my own husband could at least pat me on the back and say “there there” or something, I don’t know.
No. 451429
I have been stuck in a strange situation for years now, and finally there is a end in sight. Familiar story, my boyfriend is lovely person in every other way, but… Long story short, he has some deep issue with sex, because of that we have never, not a single time been in an intercourse during our almost nine year relationship. He has done other sexuals thigns for me, but whenever I tried to do something for him, he literally moved me aside. There was excuse after excuse, always a reason, we will do it later, again and again and again. We tried to talk about it, even in expensive therapy, but he never said what was wrong. He has had physical illness, but it has now been healed, no change.
He also cheated me with someone on fucking second life, the first time I somehow let it go as an "accident", the second time I yelled at him, had our dog not been in the room I would have hit him. That was the moment our relationship finally died on my end.
I have been gathering courage for years, and even tried to leave him, but he is such a good talker, maybe a manipulator, he always made me change my mind.
Well the last talk was on evening before my birthday (I think he chose this time deliberately, since my parents were about to come to visit, so I wouldn't make a fuss?). Then I said I am sure I want to end our relationship, he of course didn't. I said I want to spend this christmas and new years normally, and left it at that. The mood in the house has been a little strained, otherwise rather normal.
Wednesday I sent an apartment application, yesterday I was at showing and this morning I got an email that I got the apartment.
I'm sad and bit scared, but also hopeful. I know this was the only correct solution. I can only say, don't be like me nonas, if you have serious issues in your relationship and you are unhappy and lose your self confidence, try to fix it immediately and if that doesn't work, leave! Value your own life, as I now value mine again.
No. 451446
>>451421I do want to salvage the relationship. This cold shoulder nonsense is very out of character for him, which only makes it more jarring. I’m hesitant to seek out a therapist because in my experience they’re at best useless and at worst they just create more problems. I’ll see if I can talk to him about it, but I’ll need to find the right moment to do so because if I do it while he’s already tired or stressed he will just shut down again.
Sometimes I wonder if he feels insulted by my unhappiness, like he thinks I’m being ungrateful or something. But he knows that me feeling useless and unfulfilled isn’t his fault. We met at university and for a few years we were on the exact same track, but while his career flourished mine ended up being horribly derailed. If the roles were reversed and I had a well paid, well respected career I loved while he was miserable stuck at home through no fault of his own I think I would empathise with him, not get annoyed with him for being sad about it. Especially if he was actively trying to change his situation for the better like I am trying to do.
>>451426Normally I’d agree but in this case I’m not so sure. We also have small children under 4 so me being available to do all of the childcare and housework makes his life much easier than if I worked outside of the home. He earns enough to support all of us. He doesn’t like the idea of me getting a minimum wage job because we wouldn’t benefit at all financially (childcare is extremely expensive where we live) and it would be more stressful for everyone. So even if he doesn’t express it often, he’s at least aware that me being a SAHM benefits him and the kids. Maybe you’re right that he doesn’t respect me for it, though. Everyone in our social circles looks down on SAHMs, which obviously doesn’t help me feel any better about my situation.
>>451439I haven’t because I’m afraid he’ll reject me and make me feel even worse. He’s not autistic and actually has a background in neuropsychology so you’d
think he’d understand concepts such as “sad wife wants hug” but I suppose you can never know with men. I might try it next time but I don’t know if I’d survive it if he shrugged me off.
Sorry for the autobiographical novel, nonnies. Unfortunately I have nowhere else to talk about this.
No. 451555
>>451446Why the fuck are you crying and getting demoralized by a lack of a job when you have kids under 4 and you staying home works actually works better for your situation?? Give yourself a break jfc, that's not even being a NEET. If your social circle looks down on you, they're shit friends and snobs.
We can't explain his behaviour, you'll need to make him talk. Ok, he tries to shut down the convo but so what? Don't let him. You should be able to be confrontational with your husband in order to determine whether his lack of concern is indicates a fundamental relationship breakdown (he doesn't care about your feelings and hates you for having them) or a situation you can fix (feels awkward and thinks you need space or has hurt feelings that you're not happy). If you're too intimidated or afraid of him to force this conversation you have bigger issues.
No. 451601
>>451555I agree with this advice. There's no clear way for us to know why he does this unless you actually ask him why he does it and continue to confront him until he agrees to talk about it. First of all it sounds like your self esteem is suffering because you are sad about your career getting derailed even though you are fully contributing to the family right now in a way that is even financially helpful for your husband, so even if you feel bad about your career you shouldn't denigrate yourself by calling yourself a NEET and shouldn't take your friend/peer group seriously when they deride SAHMs. But you need to be able to stand up for yourself, both with your friends and in your marriage, and confront what is happening.
Giving you the cold shoulder when you're in distress seems like emotionally
abusive behaviour and if I had to hazard a guess I'd say it's likely because men who often feel taken care of (he probably does if you're raising the kids and taking care of the house even if he provides financially) get resentful when they have to suddenly be in the 'carer' role. Actually I've even had women treat me this way when I was the one usually doing more of the caring and empathizing/helping role in the relationship; they would shut down completely when I needed help. Maybe he normally perceives that you are the 'strong' one in the relationship and resents times when the dynamic seems flipped or feels like your emotional moments are irrational, but at any rate he should be willing to talk about it if it's something that consistently upsets you and you need to grow a backbone and actually force the conversation.
No. 451616
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Are there any other nonnas out there who have left their boyfriends or husbands due to the partner developing disabilities that mean they've had to stop working/cut down on working? I'm aware of how selfish this sounds but I've had some pretty serious news that is probably going to significantly change the dynamic of my relationship and I can't tell if I'm just being a selfish autist or if I really just need to leave this all behind me because none of this is what I wanted.
When I got into the relationship I expected both of us to be working and this was the standard - not even rich or super successful, but you know, reasonably comfortable and stable. And for 90% of that long relationship we were both working (I still am ofc). I have a great business opportunity ahead of me so long as I work hard over 2025, but it feels like my partner is dragging me down through being in and out of work and now a disability diagnosis that interrupts ability to work (epilepsy). I know that sounds self-centered, but I did not ever want to be someone's carer or mother figure in a relationship, even though I know he cannot help the seizures. I did not expect to have to be solely responsible for driving and on top of that, responsible for finances for the most part. I wanted to be an equal, as shallow and cringe as that may sound. I would like some advice or help from people who have been through similar things and you can be honest and constructive.
I'm aware I also sound like a moid when they pull the "leaving disabled wife" thing but something about the dynamic of the relationship changing so seriously is just turning me off massively. He will still be able to work, just not as much, and will have a harder time doing so, and thus I'll be down as the breadwinner, which in itself is not so much of an issue, more the fact that it's kind of putting me off to picture me in the position of breadwinner/provider. I don't know how to feel about any of it, and it's not like he's self-employed either so he has the wiggle room to accommodate for seizures. Sorry for sperging.
No. 451625
>>451616Didn’t even read all that and I said “leave” immediately kek. Men waste no time in leaving you high and dry, they’ll cheat on you while on your death door fighting against chemo and cancer. Fuck men.
Leave if they become a burden or aren’t as useful as they were before, they’ll do the same to you.
No. 451627
>>451616Women have been shamed into being the ultimate martyrs in relationships while men can and are ultimately selfish and will always guarantee their own self interest.
Why should you feel ashamed for not wanting to be a caretaker? Why should you feel ashamed for wanting someone who is equal? Although noble it’s difficult and yes it’s a burden, call me ableist or whatever, I don’t care.
There are men who don’t even question themselves when they hear on their wives with terminal cancer, who leave their wives if they have chronic illnesses; there are boyfriends who leave they’re girlfriends because they’ve been raped. And you know what? They don’t feel any shame, so why should you?
In sickness and in health is always respect by women, never men. We should be actually more selfish.
No. 451630
>>451621He's had one of those heart monitor things (I'm not sure what they are called but it was through the NHS years ago) but they couldn't even find the cause or anything related to said seizures beyond him having a slightly abnormal heart rate, and even then the NHS were not very helpful with finding out
triggers or any brain abnormalities etc. He would definitely try medication yeah, and I'm hoping that he can find something that can turn his life back around to normal without having fear of losing his jobs because of seizures and the nature of his jobs not being able to accommodate for them, the same with driving.
>if you could both agree to move somewhere with good public transitThe public transport where we live now is pretty decent and cheap fortunately, he's just also massively disappointed because he did really enjoy driving.
>Whether you stay with him or not comes down to how you feel about kids.We don't have kids (fortunately) and never wanted them either, but what you said about housekeeping and the roles in the relationship is very true nonna. I don't know how he'd fare with it because it's always been him working more than me, and me doing most housework because I work from home and currently work part-time (which will change after I get the business). We just used to split the housework based on who was working the most at the time. I absolutely wouldn't stand for me working full time AND having to clean up, that would be a very much clear sign to gtfo for me, but the things I'm concerned about haven't necessarily happened yet so everything's up in the air. Sorry if that doesn't make sense.
>>451622>>451625>>451627All
valid answers nonnies, thank you for being honest with your thoughts. These are the things I'm concerned about, too. I've spent enough time both irl and on here to hear about far too many stories of women essentially giving up their 'spark' or joy for life to look after a man, and once I take over this business opportunity I think I'll be in a better spot (and also have more money) to make a clearer judgement. But I understand your opinions very well and I don't want to end up potentially holding myself back too much if it comes to that.
No. 451661
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>>451630don't feel bad. women are conditioned from the time they can understand words to be more empathetic, to take on the pain and struggling of others, and to put men before themselves.
No. 451741
>>451616You need to do what's best for you. Even if it sucked from his point of view that you left, your most important responsibility is to yourself and your happiness. Also, there's a chance your growing resentment over him and the situation might make the relationship unsalvageable anyway?
A close relative of mine is in a similar position, plus there's kids involved. I've seen how much stress his illness brings to her life. How it limits her comings and goings, how anxious she gets when she does get to go somewhere, the immediate worry if he doesn't answer his phone right away. Seems like the disorder requires a lot of sacrifice from the spouse, and if you're already feeling skeptical you should leave.
No. 451753
>>451616As a counterpoint to what some other anons are saying I think it depends, you mention your relationship is a very long one and that it was financially beneficial to you but you don't say much about the relationship itself, how in love you are or what he brings to your life outside of these things. I became chronically ill and was very lucky to have someone around who actually just picked up all the slack for me for the things I can't do so I relate to the sick person's side in this too, but I also bring a lot to the relationship with that person and always have (e.g. I have higher education and earning potential despite the health issues), so I don't feel super guilty about it most of the time. But I think if he's just a guy you think is okay, which is the tone I get from your post, it may be better for both of you for you to cut and run sooner rather than later so he doesn't become dependent on your help and so you don't become resentful. I think the hardest thing for me would have been if I had gotten sick, had someone pretend they were going to get through it with me, make me depend on their help and then dump me randomly years later. So if you can make up your mind pretty soon to leave I think it would be better to rip off the bandaid sooner rather than later.
However if I'm misreading the tone of your post and you are super in love with this man and he has been absolutely wonderful for your 'very long' relationship it might be worth giving him a chance and seeing how he will adjust to illness - no matter who you choose to be with there is a likelihood they will develop some kind of problem sooner or later and a lot of the time people make it work and it becomes manageable eventually. Other anons are right to point out that most men leave when their wives get cancer and that women do it more often, but it really depends how badly his seizures are going to affect both your lives and how much you care about the relationship outside of that. I don't think you should feel guilty if you decide to leave but I wouldn't immediately jump to catastrophizing if you otherwise want to stay.
No. 451852
I'm having trouble with my husband. I'm feeling pretty lonely in the marriage, he spends most of the time during the day in his office, from day to night. He works from home so a lot of it is work, but I also catch him playing video games. It's a sore spot that happens periodically, WOW releases some new expansion and he gets into it for a month and barely spends time with me, complaining about it just makes him frustrated and goes nowhere, but after he drops it for a bit and is more attentive. But either way we don't spend much time together on an average day and I barely get time to talk to him. When he does talk to me it usually just complaining about something with work, there's not much back and forth. There's also been multiple times where I started talking to him and he pulled out his phone in the middle of me speaking, scrolled it while I was talking. I just feel like he's not at all interested in anything I have to say, but if I try to discuss it he gets frustrated. Trying to talk to him about it gets literally nowhere. His attention to me also seems to be affected by his mood, if something happens at work that upsets him he gets distant and short with me. I just feel totally alone and isolated, I get a little jealous when my friend describes having fun with her husband watching a movie or smoking weed together. I don't want a divorce, the marriage is fine besides that, when we do talk its great, don't fight very often, agree on most things, he earns well and treats me to nice gifts often, but it's just the social aspect that is suffering and I have no idea how to fix it.
No. 451883
>>451852>there's also been multiple times where I started talking to him and he pulled out his phone in the middle of me speaking, scrolled it while I was talking. i don't want to be one of those that tell you to leave him because divorce is always harder. still, that's so disrespectful and you deserve better. can you try to find a middle ground with him and find something social both you can enjoy like a co-op video game? unless he's the type to start being verbally
abusive over something small like a game.
No. 451977
>>451974It’s still near, he’ll have to see them quite regularly. And you’re not even fiancé or anything. I would be annoyed too.
You’re putting way too much pressure on him and you also expect him to up and leave his life for you. Just invite him for Christmas, spend new year’s Eve.
No. 451979
>>451976>a bit prissy when it comes to being dirty>can't stick out long days in the heat>tries hard to make me more cultured and I get the feeling I bore or gross him out sometimes >ideally wants to work in a government lab hours away from town>my dad dislikes him for not being manly enoughThese aren’t cons or pros, it’s just the way he is and he’s diametrically opposite from you. How do you plan to conciliate your life with his? Do you expect him to just leave everything behind for you? Do you plan to leave everything behind for him? There’s no middle ground here.
A quick relationship where you have sex looks fun, but long term? It won’t work nonnita. If he happens to find someone who best matches his lifestyle he’ll take it kek.
No. 451980
>>451852Have you ever tried talking to him kek? Some of you nonnitas genuinely surprise me, you praise your moid and bla bla, yet you can’t even communicate with them? If he’s that good he’s going to be open to listen to you and make a change and find a compromise without feeling attacked when you criticize him.
I love being a hater but I won’t be this time round kek, what I’m going to say is that people have different method of winding down, there are people who just want to switch their brain when they come home, there are others who like to vent etc…talk about it.
Relationships are a two way street and having a lasting and good one is just a matter of proper communication, empathy , respect and even love (although the first three are the foundation of a long term relationship imo) and that is the main reason so many relationships don’t work, they want the fairy take love , the “understanding with only a gaze” type of love, without putting any effort.
No. 451988
>>451980>>451981He literally pulls out his phone when she talks to him, he has no respect or empathy for her. A man will treat you like shit, possibly abuse you, and you're the type to ~communicate~ with him and let him disrespect you instead of leaving. lol, lmao even.
>they want the fairy take love , the “understanding with only a gaze” type of love, without putting any effort.You go girl, you're soooo much better for putting up with a moid's disrespect and abuse, unlike those silly whores who want to be treated properly from the get-go without needing to educate their moid on basic empathy 101.
No. 452000
>>451978>>451977>>451976>>451979Woah a lot of assumptions here. He took up agricultural science to live and work in the country. Yeah he would be making a sacrifice by giving up a slightly better paying job to work on my farm but he doesn't have to. The lab is even further away from the city and a 2 hour commute is fairly normal for most people around here. Ideally I'd want him to work for me so we could put his skills and education to use building the business we'll hand down to our kids together but it's not like a prerequisite or demand. He knows I want kids but that I won't marry him until long after they're born but he's still all in.
>he’s diametrically opposite from youIf those few tidbits make up the whole of your character then I feel bloody sorry for you.
No. 452874
hi nonnas, been meaning to write in here again for a while cause i've been feeling iffy and indecisive romantically. there's two guys in my life that im kind of interested in, but im unsure of which one to choose in the long run. to keep it simple, one is a lot more well rounded, pursuing his education and i can have a lot of actual thought provoking conversations with him without that sort of looming feeling you might have when you talk to a stroke, that kind of feeling like they're convinced they're better than you and in turn are above talking about things like that. keeping it short cause i'd rather not make you all yawn lol. one thing that bothers me though is the fact that he's very sexually forward, and out of nowhere, which does get on my nerves sometimes, and its something ive mentioned to him before. the other guy is younger than the first guy (still older than me). in turn, hes a tad bit more childish. still really fun and great to be around, and is still open to more deep and personal conversations. he's also physically more my type than the first guy. however, one thing that always turns me away from him is the fact that until a few months ago he used to be 'genderfluid', whatever the fuck thats supposed to mean anyways. and even glancing once at the tim or gender ideology threads tells me all i needed to know about the mental state of scrotes who are genuinely convinced that they're anything BUT scrotes, and it worries me. so my question is; who should i choose? should i choose any of them at all? do tell, cause im so unsure its actually killing me.
No. 452911
>>452684Good on you nonna. I hope everything works out for you.
>>452874Neither of these guys seem to be like a really good match for you, honestly. The gendiespecial is a complete write-off unless he's somehow changed all his ways and agrees with your stance on things. The other guy: if they're sexually forward now, this early into dating/talking, it's always a red flag. A respectful, kind and decent man wouldn't risk wanting to creep you out or sound too much like a degenerate by talking about sexual things. A good man would want to impress you in other ways than sex.
Always keep in mind that the early stages of talking to a guy is typically when they're "peacocking" and trying to act their best if they're interested in you. If being a gendiespecial is one guy's best, and then being sexually forward to the point it's uncomfortable is another guy's best, it's probably really not going to improve from there. And also if you're analyzing this stuff so early on and certain things like this are annoying you then it's probably a sign that you shouldn't mess with either of them.
No. 453201
>>453159My boyfriend visited me 2 months after talking, took him a bit because he needed to save up money and plan ahead in advance with his job. But within 2 weeks he was already adamant about meeting me, renewed his passport and was planning with me in the meantime, etc. If he's not making any concrete plans, he just wants attention and is going to waste your time.
>He keeps telling me he wants to "just talk and see where things go"Yeah, don't even bother with him.
No. 453267
>>452026Well what do you want us to say nonnita? She is already planning to move with her scrote, there’s nothing you can virtually do, we all know what happens when bi women move with their Nigel after their wlw phase.
You have to get over it and if you need to distance yourself then you shall do that, be cordial during work but don’t extend that, stop going out with her , tell her you’re busy, who cares if you have to lie. Put yourself first.
No. 453268
>>453188First of all men get ruined at 14-15 kek, there’s no such thing as a pure man who believes in pure love, even the submissive ones are only submissive because it makes their dick hard or because in reality they have no spine and they like for you to micromanage and baby them.
>Like a nerdy guyThe nerdy scrotes who are into legos, anime, who are engineers or doing IT? Baby those are porn addicts 60% of the time kek, they’re sometimes even worse than the “chads”.
No. 453791
>>453586You corrected jack shit retard^2
> When I say an "innocent" guy, I don't mean he's "pure," but rather awkward and shy.No wonder you’re in pony land, you’re dumb as hell.
No. 454387
File: 1734494772651.jpeg (70.64 KB, 625x415, IMG_5099.jpeg)
Guys im spilling spaggetti im trying to talk to a girl i know is in my radius near were i live on instagrama and im trying to bond with her after awkwardly contacting her through instagram messages. We talked a but but then the convo died and i needed a conversation to start so i sent her a funny picture of a chicken wearing shoes. I expected her to response like "haha what is that" so i can steer the conversation towards the fact that i have pet chickens but instead she saw it and said nothing. What did i do wrong? How do you send someone a picture of a chicken wearing shoes and they say nothing. God im malding crying help me fix this please i love her so much
No. 454796
File: 1734574763209.png (4.07 KB, 266x130, 1602606548310.png)
I've gotten into my first relationship and we've been official for 5 months after knowing him for 2 months before that. Was a mid twenties kissless virgin beforehand, i had been trying very unsuccesfully to find relationships for years (best I had was a 3 month talking stage which was heavily over message) and now that I've got one I'm terrified to lose it and humiliate myself.
He's had one prior girlfriend and they split up last year but were together for 3 years before that; at first at accepted it for what it was but it's been really grating on my mind recently feeling like I'll never compare. We became girlfriend/boyfriend fairly early by todays standards and I worry that he had a false impression of me and the reality is different to what he imagined, especially since I'm his first girlfriend after his long term relationship. He talks about his ex sometimes and it makes me draw comparisons in my mind like how it sounds like she was kinky and had a high sex drive where I'm extremely inexperienced and due to my insecurity find it really difficult to feel comfortable doing anything outside of max vanilla. They also used to get high together a lot, I had never smoked previously and when I tried with him it went awfully because it gave me huge anxiety. I feel like I can't live up to her.
I don't know what to do with these feelings, I feel like maybe I should bring them up to him but I'm a massive people pleaser and have been really bad with confronting people and conflict my entire life. I'm a very insecure person and I usually just internalise it because it feels useless to talk about it but I don't want to end up in a situation where I've identified these issues and ignored them thinking 'its just mental illness' then all my fears become reality and he leaves me for his ex because it would shatter me. But I also don't want to try voice my feelings then have a crying meltdown because I'm not used to expressing myself.
Apologies for sperg just needed to get this off my chest somewhere because I'm not feeling like the only girl in the world you guize…
No. 454812
>>454796Hey nona, I've been there, and so have many other people. It's normal, and it will pass. It's only natural to be a bit worried and insecure when you have so little experience compared to the person you're dating. I have some questions though–in what context is he bringing up his sex life with his ex? Unless you are explicitly asking, I don't think that should be coming up at all, and even if you did ask, the healthy thing to do in most cases would be to respectfully brush it off unless you're both trying to bond over shared experiences and differences after establishing that you can do so without any trust issues, jealous, or insecurity rising from it. He could be mentioning it as a way to try to poke and prod you to be more like her. That could also not be the case, I don't know, but either way, the next time anything like that pops up, I think you should tell him that you are uncomfortable hearing about it for many reasons: it makes you insecure, it gives the impression that he's not over her, and it's disrespectful to not only you but to his ex (imagine someone you were with years ago talking to their new gf about the way you had sex, I'd want to die).
Don't think that there's a hole she left for you to fill. You are different people, and they broke up for a reason. There's no reason to think that he's going to leave you for his ex, some people (MEN) just don't know what's appropriate to talk about or how. I'd take some time to practice writing about how you feel, like an unsent letter to him that you keep to yourself, before approaching him about this, so you can sort your thoughts out and know exactly what you'd like to express. It makes it so much easier, and in my experience definitely minimizes the likelihood of tears immediately forming the second I open my mouth lol. Anyway, good luck, you're clearly sweet and thoughtful and don't deserve to be constantly comparing yourself to someone else!
No. 454815
>>454805Gonna echo the first nona's reply and say dang, kind of crazy you got married to a guy only to end up asking that question. Not trying to make you feel bad but this is the kind of thing you should have asked a very long time ago kek. Just tell him what you'd prefer, easier said than done I know but a lot of men actually get off on hearing exactly what you prefer as long as you phrase it right and use positive reinforcement, e.g. "you know what I really like? when you angle like this and do this with your hips," etc. Idk, after enough sex with someone I stop being as ashamed and shy about speaking up when they're not doing something right, it's hard to lean into that but the first step is just taking the leap and blurting it out. Gets easier and easier from there.
>pornLet's hope he's not learning from that on his own time either.
No. 454832
>>454812Ty for the advice I really appreciate it, you’re defo right about writing it down because it all felt very scatter brained before I made the post but I feel a lot clearer on what was upsetting me now
He’s never made a direct comparison between us, mainly bringing things up as parts of explanations or stories like before we had managed to do anything he mentioned he had a high libido and they used to have sex like 7 times a day and now that we’ve started I didn’t realise how difficult I’d find it to sexualise myself after being a virgin and convincing I was unloveable for so long so I feel like a disappointment.
I think I will try to talk to him about it when I feel ready and like I can articulate it properly, I feel like it’s maybe more mature than just sucking it up and internalising all the anxiety.
No. 455765
File: 1734664870578.jpg (172.48 KB, 736x991, 1000005162.jpg)
I find it so hard to connect with my boyfriend.
Don't get me wrong, he is caring. He's always willing to help me. But he's a screen addict. Anytime I talk to him, he's either staring at a screen or seems like he's counting down the time until he can stare at it again.
I never get his undivided attention. I want to cuddle, him to look in my eyes and say how much I mean to him… I try to do that to him but it doesnt seem like he likes it. He almost never even compliments my looks.
My gay best friend talks me up so much I have to tell him to tone it down. Sometines it breaks my heart
No. 456912
>>456862We’ve discussed a fair bit, so I know most of their views on things, e.g. anti porn, anti drugs, anti abortion, pro guns, doesn’t like troons, anyone openly involved in kinks or openly gay people.
It’s like my previous relationship and this one are men who are like at minimum seperatists or maybe even nationalists.
I’m just not sure if I just give up on dating or what because it feels like men who claim to be progressive are just sexual degens who don’t actually respect women even if they claim to and then the only other option seems to be people who might respect me but won’t like my friends who are gay etc. and cause me to fracture my friendships because my friends aren’t welcoming to people who are like that (obviously, kek).
No. 456926
>>456912To be honest I think you should look out for his reactions towards the people he openly doesn't like, specially because of his position on abortions and gay people. I think trans people are mentally ill but doesn't stop me from feeling empathy for them too yk, this is just my opinion but I think how you treat the people you hate/dislike tells a lot about who you really are.
I have almost no friends so I never thought about this before but maybe the best thing is keeping both sides of your life separate. I could discuss this further but lmao I have almost no friends for a reason, I just think that if they are real friends they will stick around for you even if things do turn sour and you regret those guys.
The only problems i've had so far are typical moid shit such as ghosting and lying but things were good while they lasted.
I hope both of us will get a good catch eventually, good luck!
No. 457627
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Not exactly a relationship advice per say, but i'm just so happy about my new relationship, i've posted about it before here, but i feel like i've found a little gem that fits perfectly the standards nonnas have set for me - against older men psy-op and degrading gender roles-. He's younger than me and he worships me. Sex wise he's so dedicated to make me the center of his attention and to make me come, and he's pretty submissive to my demands. I've never had that kind of dynamic before but it feels very liberating and refreshing, the fact that he's younger than me (by 3,5 years) makes it hotter than expected. He's a cute, lanky nerd (and yes the legends are right: 7") with curly blonde hair with a perfect soft voice. He does the absolute maximum to court me all the time. I don't know what it is, but i love the fact that he's my property and devoted to me only. He was a virgin and in the recent turn of events he's developped that desire for me to take advantage of him, since the beginning he's very excited to go down on me, he has in fact never brought up the idea of me giving him oral. Sometimes, he even calls me Mistress. He's also not afraid of being vunerable with me, to write me poems and tell me how much he loves me. I'm sorry for bosting nonnas, but i had to say it somewhere!(wrong thread)
No. 457628
>>456835>>456912>>457264You're dating a pornsick scrote either way. Right wing men are even worse porn addicts and degenerates, except you'll watch them be hypocrites in real time, pretend to respect you but undercut you at random because "reee women", and they'll cheat on you and demand you tolerate it because trad. One of the absolute worst things is when they turn out to be AGP faggots who are bitter toward you and think you have female privilege. You genuinely have to hate yourself and also have no attachment to your friends who don't fit in with his gay LARP to deal with all that shit IMO.
Avoid ideologues/political spergs, they're always trying to compensate for something.
No. 457998
>>456835There's a lot of difference between alt-right and super conservative so I'm not sure if you meant to mean your new nigel is one of those nazi freaks.
Seconding this anon
>>456952 because from the things you said, you sound like one of those people who let their SOs overwrite your personality and jump from trait to trait because you don't have strongly-held beliefs, just self-interest in your own benefit. But he doesn't even benefit you that much, he sounds like he loves to hate you and loves to hatefuck, putting it crudely.
Anyway based on your description of yourself and him, you sound like you attract "secret" degens who love your "exotic" traits of being the forbidden type of women that his ideologies especially frowns upon. I don't get your attraction to being desired in that specific fetishy way. He's literally anti-abortion, he doesn't give a shit about women's health or autonomy or right to a full human life.
No. 458041
>>458031White bitches like you will always be up and down with racists alt right and they’ll swear that they’re totally the exception and downplay their real beliefs to feel better when they go and protest for Palestine with their emo friends kek(their clothes are bought from TEMU by the way). You’re clearly okay with being with these kind of men nonna, there’s no need for you to come up here and cry wolf.
>awe poor me! Why do I always attract these men!You accept them.
No. 458058
>>458031>Is that okay?You would benefit so much from forming a core set of values and convictions that you believe in and practice standing by, instead of asking for permission and guidance from other people, especially strangers. It's natural evolutionary instinct to want to be liked, but going to this degree is dangerous for you. People will end up molding you whether it's good for you or not, and whether you even wanted to be receptive to those changes in the first place. This (perhaps purposeful) spinelessness is a way of absolving yourself of guilt if you do/allow something you later deem wrong or bad, by wringing your hands and going, 'that wasn't me! I just didn't realize [direct perpetrator and your scapegoat] was such a monster!'.
To answer your question though, I think anyone who makes generalized blanket statements like that are often short-sighted and just picking a more socially acceptable way to direct their anger and fears.
No. 458060
>>458031To be honest anon I think he's doing the typical scrotoid thing of downplaying the things you don't want to hear, and you sound like you
want to believe/trust him even though you subconsciously have doubts.
No. 459353
>>459046This is why it's never ok to be a cool girl who is ok with the bare minimum.
>I am fine with it because I grew up really poor so my family never did giftsIf anything, you deserve to be spoiled by your moid.
>>459219It's not fair, because she gets him gifts for his birthday and Christmas. It just sounds like an excuse for him to be lazy and not return her effort. How does he know her for 5+ years but still have no idea what to get her?
No. 459358
>>459046I would have dumped him after the first Christmas tbh.
>>459219He could get her something non material like a weekend in a spa resort or whatever she's into, it's literally not hard to put some effort into Christmas presents.
No. 459488
>>459046you better get him a real talk about how being critical to consumerism,
doesn't mean you hate gifts and attention, it just mean they have to find something that is not an amazon giftcard
Guys will happily use this as an excuse to never give you anything because 1/less effort 2/ less money to spend on you 3/more money for them !
( while they receive gifts, how odd they never questionned that )
>I had no idea what to get youso, he doesn't know you ?
>>459382we need more data on that, how do you know your crush ? for how long ? does he know you exist ?
No. 459672
>>459589Based.
>>459665Quoting the wrong person and she already left him, dyslexia-chan.
No. 459902
>>459672You’re so mean nonna, you actually made me sad.
I was continuing my reply there and I also congratulated nonna for leaving him when I read.
No. 460100
File: 1735281828450.jpg (288.28 KB, 680x589, 1000016320.jpg)
I'm trying to take this seriously and don't want to just shitcan my bf, but he always has an avoidant conflict resolution habit. As in some shit happens, we barely talk it out, then he'll be distant for a day or two, then we'll plan to do something on a weekend or something and discuss it then. It's always been really awkward when we talk in-person because the issue is always retarded, but both of us (hopefully both, I guess I can only speak for myself) feel better afterwards when he's ready to talk. He says he feels closer, all that, it has been a lot healthier than what I'm used to. He doesn't explicity say he needs space, I've asked him to do that, he doesn't, but it's enough of a pattern to notice. I always want to immediately resolve things since it helps ME stop giving a shit, but it's hard to not be upset if something happens and I can't do anything for a while. If he breaks something he immediately tries to fix it though kek.
Does anyone else experience this with themselves or their bf? How do you deal with it? Is it immature to not want to solve things sooner? Would I be forcing issues if I made it all be my way/immediate? At least from my perspective, everything else is surprisingly stable except for bumps like that.
I'm used to getting treated like absolute shit and quiet only meaning "silent treatment" so I'm forcing down a lot of doubts and holdovers from last moids. I don't want to fuck this one up.
No. 460104
>>460100Avoidant personality types can be frustrating. I find myself acting this way sometimes, too, especially when I'm nervous about the issue if it may lead to an argument or confrontation. It takes some people longer than others to process their feelings or how they want to approach the issue, although it can be incredible frustrating for the other person (If they are ready to discuss the problem ASAP.) But he shouldn't give you the silent treatment or be outright rude, that isn't okay. As long as you resolve the problem relatively fast and don't stretch it out for weeks/months/years (which is just bottled up resentment.)
I personally go into defensive mode when I'm uncomfortable because if I can get away from confrontation in the moment, I will, even though it's counterproductive. Then I'll work up the courage to talk about it a couple days later if it's an issue worth talking about. If it's not something you can deal with and it frustrates you then it's worth weighing the value of the relationship, because he might not change that habit and it might drive you crazy over time if its persistent. Dating isn't about finding someone perfect it's about finding someone whose flaws you are able to tolerate, or at least thats been my approach kek
No. 460202
>>459815He is a pedophile watching child porn
>>460100No fixing and avoidant except to be more avoidant and live your life. Never show that his avoidance bothers you, just go do your own thing and ignore him. Thats the only way to get an avoidant to show up. Or you can find a man who isnt immature
No. 460343
>>460315I'm curious, in what way is he bad for you?
As someone who tends to get obsessive over crushes/experiences limerence a lot, for me only cutting the person off completely helps. And even then it takes time to "detox" off him over the next weeks/months. Sorry I can't offer any better advice, I'm pretty sure trying to reason out of your obsession won't work. And the more you're exposed to him the more you'll stay attached.
No. 460381
>>460343Alright, I’ll just say the whole story.
The whole retarded thing is online btw, we met in another imageboard, then started talking on trannycord. We immediately clicked, the way we post, talk etc is very similar and even after the novelty is dead, we can talk for hours and hours about retarded things. The problem is that the way he talks changes almost daily, some days he’s dying to talk to me, other days he gives 1 word replies to me which obviously ruins my day, therefore he’s bpd. He doesn’t like to talk to me as much as I like to talk to him, I actively want to talk to him every single minute.
And he’s also a liar.
We’re not dating, so 1 day he tells me about this girl he’s talking to who masturbated to him and I found that funny, so we talked about that but then later for the next 2 days, he wasn’t replying to me at all, so I realised that he’s not talking to me because he’s busy talking to that other girl so I mentioned it and just said ‘>cucked by that girl’, he called me a schizo and said he’s not even talking to her anymore but then way later he accidentally admitted that he did talk to her and that was the reason he wasn’t replying to me, something like this happened again but I don’t have proof or confession for it so he calls me a schizo.
The main reason that I think he’s bad for me is because he does not love me like I love him
No. 460406
>>460403Block him?
Man.. I wish I could but I’d feel terrible because doing it with no upfront reason is just retarded and rude and I’d feel bad
No. 460423
>>460406see? you just know, there are upfrond reason, you speak of him like a junkie speaking of dope
if you really feel bad about blocking him, just write down how you feel about it and send him a message, how this is making you obsessive, that you feel like a schizo, and all the bad part of you are overflowing and above all, you
aren't even dating and you are already feeling too overwhelmed
but i can safely bet that he's gonna TL;DR the whole thing, and the twist was that this wall of text wasn't for him, but for you.
don't worry nonna, you'll find plenty of other dudes over the internet, they are not rare and some of them are less hurtfull to your sanity
No. 460429
>>460423You’re logical but im just as retarded
I did unadd him before but he made a wall of text edit and I ended up adding him back because I felt terrible, I even cried like a little bitch.
>you'll find plenty of other dudes over the internetNo matter how many men I talk to, online or irl, I have never met any like him at all.
In all honesty, if he desperately wanted to talk to me like how I want to talk to him, all problems will be solved.
He used to love talking to me before but for a couple days, he has completely 360 degreed but I still psyop myself into thinking that maybe he’s just super busy 24/7 or maybe he’s too depressed to even talk to me
No. 460491
>>460465If you don’t give a fuck just text
>you left your hoodie at my place. We can meet up somewhere and I’ll give it to you. I’m available x or x and I’ll be around here. Let me know. Simple as that, don’t overthink it and don’t meet up at your place or give him a window to decide when he can come, it’s your time being wasted not his. You’re simply giving back the hoodie, if he reads it differently he is a retard.
No. 460504
>>460482Kek
>>460491you're probably right. I just hate having to reach out when i know he'll take forever to respond.
No. 460836
>>460497Yes I know
>>460501We both are but I am consistent in the way I talk to him, his mood and way of talking changes every moment
>>460640I can’t fucking block him alright, im too much of a pussy.
Last night we were talking and another thing I noticed was that im never the one that goes away, he’s the one. He went away and has still not came back.
I miss how he was earlier, he used to send 100 messages sperging out about random things, he used to beg me to come online, I don’t understand why he has changed so much so suddenly and because of this I psyop myself into thinking that maybe he’s just busy, maybe he’s just tired or shit like this. FUCK I wish I was never friends with him
No. 460847
>>460836Males are not normal people like you and I. It's normal to talk to someone if you like them. That makes sense to you and I, as women. But you say he used to REALLY like texting you, bombarding you with attention and affection. Now he's pulled the rug, and has started stringing you along, sometimes giving you a crumb of attention but mostly treating you coldly. He even is trying to neg you and make you jealous with this mysterious other woman. It's textbook, he enjoyed capturing your affections and now he's enjoying playing hard to get and feeling sought after. This is because 99% of men aren't like us, they only want what they can't have and see women who actually like them as undesirable and easy (even if they previously liked them). Drop him like a sack of potatoes. There's a chance if you do unadd him he'll do the same edited message shit, probably on a longer timeline, but more intense to make you feel like he Really Means It. Ignore this. Delete the conversation off your discord friends tab. He is a joke. Once upon a time you had really great conversations and felt like you were understood. Keep that memory the way it is, kick the actual male manipulator out of your life, before it blows up in your face.
>I can’t explain it but I’ve never liked anyone like I like himWith all due respect you sound young. Even if you're not though, not only are there plenty of fish but you really don't need a fish right now. The right one will come along while you are living your life focusing on YOU and not torturing yourself over some worthless dog. Best wishes
nonnie No. 460966
>>460757I’d be also pissed off if you tried to cuddle me right after an argument that wasn’t solved , I personally don’t like PDA that much when I’m mad, it really isn’t a woman or man thing.
He clearly told you that he needs space, he might be the type who needs to cool off and then talk later.
Fix your issues too; using someone as a stress relief isn’t a good recipe for a stable relationship. If it becomes a pattern it becomes rather annoying and not worthwhile, at least for me.
No. 461056
>>460942>>460967It’s over now
Fuck that nigger
(racebaiting) No. 461063
>>461060it’s awesome
FUCK that nigger
No. 461167
>>461140You can wait for him to reach out next time in order to actually give him the necessary time and then you can actually communicate and solve the argument, rather than just trying to cuddle. It goes for both women and men too.
I feel like women just hold onto the resentment and it builds up until they leave you kek, while men aren’t like that, they’re more direct.
No. 461193
Some Anon might remember me from a previous post, kek.
Anyways, I meme'd myself into a relationship with what I am starting to believe is a fake bisexual (I am bisexual myself).
We've been going out for a while now, officially together for one. We still haven't got sex and honestly… I don't want to anymore. There's always a reason not to, not only on her part but mine. I completely lost interest. Thing is, she's constantly talking about scrotes she went out with before we got together when we were still dating around, how much she just loves sex and penetration being the only way she can cum. She says she likes to make out but everytime I try to use tongue she pulls off without noticing. I tried to bring it up, but she just said she didn't notice anything.
She claims she's had experiences with other women, but I just don't believe it.
On top of that, I try all the time to hold a conversation but she's constantly coming up with stuff like making me her kitten, cutting short my conversation attempts with gossip or stuff about her.
She offers me dinners, buys me gifts and is very warm. I believe she genuinely likes me, just not… like that?
I know I won't have an answer until we try and have sex, it's being basically like a friendship with peck kisses. I feel like a toy and an experience, not taken seriously as a partner.
I know I should try and crack the topic with her, I just don't know how. She's easy to overthinking, panicking, denying.
No. 461436
>>461263We started dating in high school, so I was pretty naive about what to expect and when to put my foot down. She also had this habit of playing the
victim, like if I asked if we could have sex, she'd pull an "anon, I thought you loved me for me…" If I asked why she didn't initiate kissing, she'd cry and beg me not to leave her. Stuff like that. That's why I got twitchy when I read
>I know I should try and crack the topic with her, I just don't know how. She's easy to overthinking, panicking, denying.Because women like this will make you feel like you're a disgusting sex pest villain for pointing out it's insane to expect someone to be in a sexless relationship with someone who doesn't seem to be attracted to them. I loved her so much I would have put up with it forever if she hadn't cheated. Lesson learned. I was also convinced I'd never be able to find another gf after her because everyone I knew was so straight. And she seemed to love me in every other way, it was just this one, tiny thing I was being shallow and selfish about…it's easy to rationalize stuff like that away and just get in the habit of ignoring it.
No. 461519
>>461436 I think that we as women need to be more selfish actually, in order to realize when to leave sinking ships.
I’m sorry she cheated with a scrote nonna, fuck that bitch, I hope she got genital herpes.
No. 461644
>>461639Depends,what does he likes about you and did he told you anything about how he feels?
If he's just as casual as you are, getting it's cool
No. 461669
>>461640We both know he's leaving in less than a year, so he's not planning on proposing or anything.
>>461644He definitely has romantic feelings for me and is more serious, so for him it's not casual, but that'll just mean he'll have a harder time saying goodbye in the end.
>>461655I agree. I feel like there's a stigma around admitting to it, but most women will still have a few boyfriends of convenience in their lifetime.
The way I see it, if it's not me, by probability it'll be someone else like me. Added to that, his skills could actually really improve my life and men love to be needed anyway.
No. 461688
>>461639Incoming turbocunt opinion: I feel like most women, even if they're in a relationship of convenience, end up putting quite a lot of effort nonetheless (emotional, physical, financial), maybe even subconsciously. If the guy isn't actually benefitting you for long term, in a way that you are better off once the relationship is over than you would have been if the relationship never happened, then meh. Cooking and orgasms are a nice addition if you're already getting something substantial. The repairs, maybe, but how much of your shit is broken that you can't just get him to take care of most of it in a short period of time then have it out of your mind? If you can also get the guy to help you out with rent/bills and even just put that money aside, all the better. But like I said I feel many women get into these "strategic" relationship and end up subconsciously overcompensating so that the effort is ultimately wasted.
No. 462786
>>462718How long have you been dating ?
>I genuinely do not care if she firmly decides that she wants a sexless relationship, since I'm fairly low libido.should take away some of the pressure from her.
No. 463253
>>463249He gets pissy over random things and can't control his irrationnal anger. Acts like a baby about it instead of adressing things normally and tries to hurt you. Overcompensate afterwards to reel you back in, knowing that he will do it again later. Has done worst things before. You have to tiptoe around his feelings constantly. If a friend described their relationship like this, would you be supportive?
Know one thing: he won't change because all of this indicate deep rooted issues with his self. Do you want to continue living like this? Does his presence in your life add more value than hastle?
No. 463342
>>463235I will give him credit in that he corrected me on a misunderstanding I had about the game prior to playing it, but to me it feels like he wants to take credit for my decision to stick with the game in a way? Like yeah, he's a part of why I could hop on and enjoy with him socially, but the decision to hop on in my free time and have equipment for it was my decision and money spent. I will say that I fear this happening more regarding a house I'm buying, as I know he told some friends he was going to be co-owner on it when he moves over here despite me telling him that my name is the only one on the deed until the mortgage is paid.
>>463245Realistically, he's supportive and affectionate, but he's got issues with seeing other people doing better in life, and gripes about people around him making better money than him and being financially irresponsible.
No. 463762
>>463249Something is seriously wrong with him (really) and he's trying to incite negative emotions within you so he can go 'aha you're angry' while he's the one who's rageful. He'll just keep treating you like absolute shit because your patience just makes you less worthy of respect in his eyes. There's no prize at the end of the tunnel, leave
>>461688100%
No. 464193
File: 1735961037006.jpeg (62.23 KB, 750x306, IMG_5501.jpeg)
Please help me nonas, i am so confused and need to hear input as to what the hell just fucking happened to me.
>> Meet cute guy at school, don’t think much of it because he is much younger (23) me(28).
>> Talk at the school bar a few times, amazing chemistry.
>> times goes by, see eachother on different occacions, he always says that we should watch a movie together.
>> he asks me finally if we should watch a movie at his place on messenger and we do and hit it off very well.
>> watch a few movies together a few more times, at his or mine. We eventually start to like eachother and he finally tells me that he likes me and if he can kiss me.
>> we hang out, days go by. We are lovey dovey a bit in public (school, bar etc)
>> asks me if we are a thing, i say sure.
>> few days go by, asks me if he is a “secret lover” or if i have mentioned him to my parents, because he had mentioned me to his. i hadn’t yet obviously.
>> during this whole time he has offhandidly talked about his ex, listened to songs about missing people etc etc
>> i ask if he is over his ex, he says yes and i decide to believe him (lol)
>> days later asks me to be his girlfriend, i say ok sure.
>> talks about his ex being abusive, getting angry if he didn’t answer texts right away. (When they were together)
>> says he feels like he loves me already but knows i would be freaked out if he said it so early and that it was to early to say it.
>> Go to bar one night, have a fight because i get jealous because other girls flirt with him and he isn’t pushing them away but being friendly albeit not flirting back at all.
>> we make up.
>> i go to my home country for the holidays. I have a conversation with him and ask if he even likes me because he isn’t so outwardly affectionate in a “passionate way” (he is very shy and inexperienced) he assures me he thinks i am hot shit basically and couldn’t believe i liked him etc he again says he wants to drop the L word but knows i think it’s too early.
>> week goes by, he texts me all day, calls me everyday (his initiative, never asked him to do this). Everything seems swell.
>> We have a misunderstanding, i was sad about something, texted it to him ehile he was at work. He didnt call me after work (i said he didnt HAVE to), he tries to call because he can sense i am butthurt (not angry at all).
>> He calls again, i finally answer.
>> He is angry as shit, says i don’t appericate any effort he puts in, that we are incompatible, he thinks he can’t love me in the way i require, that i am too good for him, we will probably destroy(he used this word) eachother in the future, says we don’t know eachother.
>> convo goes on for about 2 hours.
>> I ask him to clearly say if he wants this, yes or no, no beating around the bush. He says no, and we break up.
>> two days go by, i ask if we can chat because i am confused as shit.
>> We talk, he says we are too different and we will damage/destroy eachother if we contine, drops the L word on be by “accident”??(idfk) then corrects himself says oh i mean like a lot a lot. Says he has been crying since we ended it, and that he is sad to so it.
>> Convo ends, he doesn’t want the relationship anymore.
Some context; All this chaos was in the span of 1.5 month.
He had a very strange upbringing, family is a bit spiritual and cultish, he went to a weird cultish school and is strange. Smokes weed alot. Only had one girlfriend in his whole life and they broke up 5 months ago ish. Very timid, almost no sexual experience.
Nonas, what the hell just happened to me? I don’t think he was faking it, which makes me more confused. I have dated players before, but they usually don’t want labels or mention parents, he was EAGER lol.
No. 464319
>>464193i think he's not faking it, he is really very confused, very emotional and feels everything 1000% and that why he wanted to rush everything ( like, who the fuck mention his parents in less than 2 month?)
i think he has feeling for you but he's also a clusterfuck of unmanaged emotions ( think how dramatic 15years old can be about everything ? that's him) and somehow he knows it, hence the ''destroy'', he really think he's gonna really hurt you ( dramatic, i told you ), that's why he wants to break up, to spare you all the shit he cant already deal with alone
you are not incompatible, he's just too emotionaly instable and pretty immature, and it's not your job to fix him.
No. 464328
>>464193I had a similar experience, although not as dramatic. but he told his parents about me super early on, asked me to be his gf basically, then dumped me less than month later. he was 23 too lol (me 25).
he basically implied it was because I wasn't acting head over heels, puppy dog in love with him. He never teased me with the "L" word, so I didn't think he was that into me either. I thought and it came off like a casual fun time.
But yeah, I think your guy did have intense feelings for you, and was upset you didn't match his energy, basically. But how could you? it was so much so fast, based on almost nothing. (He Loves you enough to "destroy" him after a few bar and movie dates?)
Does he have ADHD, by chance? May have been limerence, the other "L" word
No. 464377
>>464193This was me. I want to thank all the nonas who replied, i didn’t think this was normal at all and i feel more validated now. My conclusion is that he didn’t play me but is just mentally unstable.
I want to ask you guys for a bit further advice, because i am an anxious person in general. We are 5 days post break up, school starts on monday, but he isn’t going to be there because of work outside of school. He is also blocked on social media.
Context
>> We work at the school bar.>> This guy is writing in gym groupchats and reaching out to friendly aquaintances at school that we have broken up and that he is sad.>> We comment on facebook about taking shifts at the bar, we work for free there and the shifts are three hours long. The bar is only open on fridays.>> Prior to the break up we asked for a shift the same day, actually a coincidence.>> The one who makes the shifts didn’t put me on any shift. This is strange because some people have double shifts and i clearly offered, they are pressed for people. Did he reach out to her too!??So my questions are this.
How the fuck do i handle the social outcome? He knows all the people in the bar way better than me, what do i say when they ask why we broke up? He seems normal to the outside world, will he demonize me? How do i handle it?
Also, is there a chance he will try to talk to me etc, how do i handle it?
No. 464405
>>464377treat him like he's nice but retarded. if he freaks out treat it like a mentally challenged person throwing a fit and use appropriate caution but don't take it personally. walk away quickly if it escalates, you will only feed his crazy if you engage. it sounds like he hasn't become vindictive which is good because these types can definitely use their instability for evil, we wanna keep it that way by letting him feel his feelings and keeping our distance.
I would advise you to quit working at the bar. is it really important you work there? for free? once a week? I would cut that.
No. 464800
>>464405Thank you nona
>>464193Now he wants me back lmao, he called a friend of mine to ask me to talk to him face to face. I agreed to speak on the phone and unblocked him so we could talk.
He proceeded to explain his thought process which sounded like BPD splitting, and begged me back lol…. Nonas why do i want him back.
No. 464976
>>464975>>464800He already told you what he is
> that i am too good for him, we will probably destroy(he used this word) eachother in the future, says we don’t know eachotherBelieve him
No. 465632
>>465585Yes it's breakup worthy, you both should be with someone sexually compatible and he even hid that he was hypersexual to lie by omission
Put yourself first
nonnie, because god knows your moid's not doing it. Don't have sex if you don't want to, may it be that way for the rest of your life amen
No. 466627
File: 1736373401492.jpg (54.78 KB, 640x998, 0a1648b1ecfdb023702725bf0b312b…)
Literally feel like picrel. I'm involved with a moid cause I find him attractive and when he surpirsingly asked me out I said "why not". I expected him to be more chill cause he is cool looking but he is actually a loner who was bullied a lot in his life and didn't have a relationship in a long time. He said he wasn't even interested in younger women(he would date his age or older) but he saw my behaviour at work, found it charming and he fell for me(his words). In no fucking universe I'd imagine he'd go out with me and dumb a bunch of shit about his life and lovebomb me to hell and back. He literally called me "his person" like wtf you don't even know me. He has made bold statements like that constantly and I really had to go out of my way to clarify to him that no, I haven't been in a relationship and I've never been flirted before. He kinda chilled after that but man it's like his "patience" has the ulterior motive of me being the center of his life in the worst ways possible(he says he has no friends and his relationship to his family is kinda shitty).He respects me, asks me if I'm comfortable, is as helpful as he can be but it's in a people pleaser type of way. Him being much older and a work collegue makes it much harder but I've made the mistake of saying yes to his proposal and fucked up from the beginning. On one hand I feel nice with him and safe but on the other I feel pressure. I'd if it's the agegap,his desperation for a person in his life or both, but no matter what, despite me finding him attractive and us clicking, he just tries TOO hard. I don't feel like he will be a danger to me or anything, but I hate the fact that I feel like this is going to end cause he pretty much sabotages himself by overdoing it. He is desperate and I'm emotionally confused and I'm mostly keeping onto this cause I like him and wanna see if I manage to figure some stuff for myself by trying this. This past month has been confusing cause we have had some misunderstandings and I feel stressed over anything and I just fucking hope I get my shit together emotionally so I can see how this develops. I'm truly stepping into unknown waters but I don't think I'll ever get the chance again despite it being a little risky.
This is more of a vent and less asking for advice cause I'm just gonna follow my gut (and whatever organ kek) I just felt that I'd get chewed on the vent thread(even though, seeing some posts, I feel this isn't much better)
No. 467056
after a ldr i finally met up with my boyfriend. he had no experience at all before me, he was a kissless virgin. when we began having sex it wasn't amazing or anything obviously but i enjoyed it anyways. we spent a month together and after the first week he just began to be less interested in sex. it's the first time this ever happens to me with a man. even if we were sleeping in the same bed every night and waking up next to each other he didn't think about sex, even the times when i slept naked next to him, didn't turn him on.
then i realized i always had to initiate first, and even so sometimes he would deny me sex. it made me feel sad and confused, we began having sex twice a day everyday to then just once every three days or so. and everything happened in just one month.
it made me feel really hurt and unwanted, i would be okay with at least once a day, or maybe one day and then the next one taking a break, but it also hurt that i always had to be the one initiating.
i'm in love with him, so i tried my best to understand him better and adapt to the situation, he fucked up two times lol and said that ''having sex everyday starts to feel like a chore'' and made a really shitty analogy ''it's like if you have a favorite song that you listen to so much so eventually it doesn't sound the same as the first times'' which was very wtf to me since it's only been one month. he then regretted saying that and apologized.
i'm sad. we got to the conclusion that he has a very much lower sex drive than me, but that doesn't explain why he wanted to do it so much at first. i'm very sad because i love him, and i love having sex with him, it breaks my heart. i already talked to him about all of this but he just apologizes.
i talked about this to a friend and she told me that maybe he has lower libido because he is very skinny-almost anorexic build ? is that even a thing? i know he's very unhealthy skinny but it's hard to help him, he's a very picky eater. there were two times that we tried to have sex but he had trouble getting hard enough, i had to use my hands or mouth to help him. he also barely even touches my boobs or ass lol? but back when we were just ldr he would ask for nudes? is he just inexperienced? i also told him to touch me more often but he didn't..
No. 467070
File: 1736405879071.jpg (114.45 KB, 550x422, having-the-vapors-3890249728.j…)
>>467057but anon she felt his breath quicken! Can you imagine the possibility of receiving a moid's attention? I'm going to need to excuse myself to freshen up, just considering the idea!
No. 467104
>>466811Without knowing anything else about him, I can only offer generalities. If he seems eager to please, selfless and habitually kind to people, he may just have rock-bottom self-esteem. Guys like that naturally assume women will only see them as friends and so will dismiss less obvious signs of attraction as misreading or accidents. It only gets worse if they have a touch of 'tism, because they find it hard to read most complex social cues and their natural reluctance to even consider your interest in him becomes 10x harder to act on. It's also entirely possible
>>467057 is wrong and he either was raised with girls or only made friends with them recently, giving him a massively tilted experience and weird baseline for normal behaviour.
I say this because it's exactly what happened with my partner. We spent months meeting for meals in the city and taking romantic walks on the foreshore, having cozy movie nights under a blanket together, going on adventures out to distant locations alone together etc. and he really thought there was no way I'd be interested in him and we were just good friends. He didn't make any female friends until he went to uni and they just happened to be more touchy-feely (mentally ill) kind of girls, so his bar for standard women's behaviour was skewed. To him, me cuddling up to his arm or laying my head on his lap was totally normal, platonic behaviour with his other female friends, so just outright telling him I wanted to kiss him was the only place left to escalate.
No. 467123
>>467056If you're already sexually incompatible after only one month, it's doomed. Cut your losses. Sorry, nona. This is definitely a him problem and not your job to deal with. This situation is just gonna make you sad, it's not gonna get better.
>>466811That's cute. Ask him if he wants to kiss. Don't over-speculate what he feels, that's a waste of time, just go find out.
>>466627I'm extremely worried for you. This man has tricked you, do not listen to him. He's just looking for the right combination of words and pressure to get in your pants. You feel pressure because he is pressuring you. Get away from him.
No. 467127
>>467056Sorry, he sounds pornsick.
>kissless virginHow old is he? The older the guy, the more likely he's been fapping to porn all day every day to make up for it. Not only is it extremely disgusting and immoral, but it reinforces novelty instead of emotional connection which is why he compared you to a "favorite song." I will tell you right now, you can't fix him and you better cut your losses before you invest even more time and emotion into this relationship.
No. 467144
>>467056I agree with all the other nonas. He's a kissless virgin, so he is most likely pornsick. Men ejaculate larger volumes of more potent sperm and reach orgasm faster when
looking at pictures of women they aren't familiar with. He's a lost cause. Don't stay with him because you love him. He clearly does NOT show the same love and respect for you.
No. 467194
>>467056This is definitely not normal
nonnie. If you stay with him you’re going to spend your whole life being upset over this, and if sex dropped that much after only a month then imagine what it will be like in a few years. He doesn’t even seem to be trying to please you (not touching your body even after you asked)
The skinny thing is bs, because my LDR bf was extremely skinny when we first ever met (125 lbs, 5’9) and he had a very strong libido. My ldr bf was also a kissless virgin like yours too. If I met my ldr bf and it ended up going the way it’s going with yours I would’ve told him it’s not going to work out. The first few times you meet your ldr bf everything should be perfect. Having problems this early is definitely not something that should already be happening. Not to mention that “chore” comment.. you’re going to be
competing with pornstars/ethots for the rest of your life if you stay with this man.
No. 467342
>>467127>>467144>>467194>>467202i'm the same anon that made that first post, so to the nonnas that replied, i forgot to mention two things;
i was also suspecting it might be porn addiction, but he doesn't show any kind of degeneracy. no kinks at all, before we even started dating he mentioned he doesn't really watches porn anymore and that he is completely vanilla, which is true, sex was as vanilla as it could possibly be, not even a few spankings
since we started dating we would talk to each other for most part of the day and he was pretty busy with college so i can't really imagine a point of the day where he could be watching porn, masturbating or something, besides that, he would ask to do it with me whenever he was feeling horny (sending nudes and ldr shit like that), which we usually did twice a week
the second thing is that his family suspects he might be autistic lmao but i think he's mostly very socially awkward. he doesn't use any kind of social media apps, and isn't into typical coomer things like anime or videogames, his biggest hobby is just reading books
and if it helps to get to any conclusion his age is 25 and i'm his first girlfriend ever, but i still think it isn't normal behavior anyways? i slept naked next to this man and i was holding him really close to him yet i didn't even get an erection out of him. wtf. the weird thing is that at the same time he's affectionate as ever, very loving and touchy but never in the sexual way
the times he touched my tits or ass because i asked him he did it in such an alien way, with no lust at all, just squeezing them weirdy LMAO
i even got upset at him once and asked him if he even really liked women at all which was an asshole move of me kek but pls i got tired of feeling so unwanted
but as i'm with love with him i just tried to make myself believe that he's just very, very different to everyone else, or just ultra autistic, tbh
No. 467421
>>467342I thought he was pornsick based on your first post too. I can only speculate based on what you said but
> before we even started dating he mentioned he doesn't really watches porn anymore and that he is completely vanilla Considering you’re his first girlfriend if it’s actually true and he isn’t pornsick, something that you might want to investigate anyway, he might just have a lower sex drive and his sex drive the first week was unusual but it returned to normal after. Hypothetically it’s not impossible for a man to have a lower sex drive I guess, you still had sex every 3 days which is a normal amount to me, I would have been happy to date a guy like that in the past when I had a lower sex drive myself. The issue is that you expect more from him which is understandable and the way he reacts to you bringing this up is concerning, I would be upset if someone I dated described having sex with me as a chore.
No. 467554
I'm 4 months pregnant, my partner just learned his ex has been involuntarily hospitalised and her family want to send their toddler to live with us. Here are the basics:
>she's mentally ill (rapid-cycling bipolar)
>she tried to babytrap him when he was finishing his degree abroad, but he came home slightly earlier and she couldn't close the trap in time
>she was so enraged over this that she refused to ever let him see their daughter
>his daughter is 3 years old
>his ex will spend the next 3 years in hospital after her new assault charge and schizophrenia diagnosis
>her father, who should take the child, is a drunk who lives in the deep forest of Finland and can't take care of a child
>her mother vanished during a bender over 5 years ago
>her sister is permanently disabled and lives in a one-bedroom government apartment
>her grandparents are dead
>her aunt can't take care of a child, but is the only one interested in her
>she thinks we should petition the government and take custody
I'm having a fucking baby in June and now I'm being manipulated by the aunt into taking on a toddler, that isn't mine, that only speaks baby-Finnish. She's also manipulating my partner, knowing he still feels a lot of shame and regret, but thankfully he's firmly in my corner. Money isn't a serious issue, but space and time is. One of us would have to become a stay-at-home parent months ahead of schedule, which would fuck everything up.
Am I being a heartless bitch by wanting to shove this kid away from us? I feel like is the aunt is concerned, maybe she should stop moving around and handle it.
No. 467566
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>>467561>But with a stepmom as callos as you who wants to put a poor negelcted child into foster care when the dad is right there, maybe its for the best you guys dont take custody of her actually.Omg I almost start sperging before reading the end of your post, holy fuck this poor child. Anon is probably really tired/moody from pregnancy hormones so not villainizing her but if this little girl ends up in your care somehow, you need to therapyfag yourself into bonding with her and stop relating her to the psycho mom. Get duolingo and learn a few finnish words or cook kalakukko once or twice. This was really horrific to read and although you're probably panicking you do deserve much of the scorn from other anons. The fact that this isn't even a financial concern is insane, most people would be panicking about halving their meager income to pay for child support in your situation
No. 467737
>>467481You reply when you have time and if the conversation is flowing. When I was still dating my boyfriend we used to chitchat after lunch before studying and then after dinner if we had time, it was never a hours long conversation since we would also go out too, which was better imo.
You don’t have to be fixated on the phone 24/7, it comes naturally. I’d suggest to actually spend few time texting otherwise you’ll have a false sense of “intimacy”.
No. 468203
This is not advice so much as a ventfession. The guy, I am not sure that I'd call him a Nigel yet, I really enjoy having sex with him and his general company is alright but he feels more like a friend who I am also having sex with, rather than a boyfriend. This isn't the complaint, I am alright with this tbh but sometimes he can be very very reddit. He unironically uses reddit and has for some time (a long time, he's 10 years older than me)and it just makes me laugh that he is a redditor. The concept of dating a middle aged redditor is so funny, and sometimes he will say shit like "I am not a genius but" and I will just start laughing and laughing cause it's so absurd. Or I will imagine him typing up reddit posts with that formatting they use, being like AITA lmao. I can tell he thinks he is much smarter than me, when I joke about something he seems to think I am just silly and the thing was something I said accidentally, and I will literally tell him something, and then like later on he will tell me the same thing and act like he was the one to come up with it.
Wow typing this all out is a wakeup call, I don't need advice yeesh.
No. 468283
>>467737ayrt thanks, I'm probably overthinking things. I don't really care for texting and would rather do it only when it feels natural but it was always important in my past relationships so I still feel this lingering pressure
>>468229are you me nona? my standards are pretty high in theory but when I'm getting to know new people I get overexcited. I don't think there's anything wrong with just seeing where things go with multiple people if you like them, you'll find out who's really worth your time one way or another
No. 468738
>>468561Kek I find hotties to crush on too, but I never approach them because I’m not truly interested, I just like looking.
I have one at my local bar, where there is this cute thai barista with long hair; I have two in my classes and two in my library. It’s not really harmful unless you seek out retards and get to know them for the “plot”.
No. 468894
Is it ethical to get into a real relationship while in debt? I've been friends with a guy for 2 years and we started dating, but only casually, because I'd racked up quite a lot of credit card debt buckled down to bring it under control, and couldn't date normally. We generally talk every day, but we only see each other once or week or less. He's accepted that for the last 6 months, but we're both getting older and I've had a few setbacks to my debt situation, and he wants to eventually try living together, but we need to date more seriously for that. He's offered to pick up the slack by paying for my travel and things like that, but I just find it far too weird and transactional. Him paying for a meal we both enjoyed as a treat, I can understand, but him just giving me a $10 bill for showing up weirds me out and makes me feel kind of whor-y. I have a shitty little room in a heavily regulated shared house, located in deep suburbia, with a desert of boredom surrounding us, so he can't just drive over to hang out. All our dates that don't involve me traveling have just been him spending the afternoon driving to me, going somewhere for an or two, then dropping me home and making the drive back to be in bed for work the next day. I really, really like him, but it seems like unless I'm willing to let him pay me for my time, we're only going to grow our relationship on rare days off and public holidays, which is to say it'll never happen.
No. 468995
>>468911She's clearly immature if she has to hide behind that sort of front and have the nerve to give you the silent treatment and share
intimate details on instagram. You're right to be concerned about this because this childish game of being ironically mad "haha not really" sounds incredibly tiring. I'd say to have a serious conversation with her, but she went fake-mad again. Don't give in to her antics and be neutral and serious. I wonder if she'd be fine if you did the exact same thing she is doing. It's very weird to me.
No. 469013
>>468894Would you only be happy if you could pay his way or go exactly 50/50 on all things?
Trust your gut if you feel like it would get weird and transactional or you'd become financially dependent on him, but there's nothing wrong or unethical about not having money and agreeing to go do things he wants to do as long as he knows he would have to pay and doesn't care. Women already give way more and sacrifice way more in a relationship and family situation, it's already unbalanced.
No. 469032
>>468993By the way you were speaking I thought you had 200k debt kek. It’s not like you’re racking it up , you’re putting effort in paying it, so I don’t see this big tragedy that you’re making it out to be.
I think you’re just insecure nonna and feel less than for being in a worse financial situation than the scrote. He doesn’t seem to have this huge problem and he’s even helping you budget.
No. 469093
>>469085> My boyfriend told me off the bat that he’s schizophrenicIf things go bad they’ll go bad quickly , that’s what I have to say kek. You don’t even know if he’ll stop taking his meds if he feels “cured” enough.
My stepfather had a three month mental breakdown where he had paranoia of being followed , of being molested by his father and molesting my brother (we verified, it wasn’t true), revealed that he cheated on my mom and wanted to kill himself out of guilt (it was true) and where he would repeat same phrases and also wonder around the house in the middle of the night to search for burglars. He had to be put in a mental hospital, he recovered now but he still takes medicine. It wasn’t schizo though, but he never showed any signs of it prior.
I’d just suggest any woman not to put themselves with men with mental illnesses like these (BPD, DID, PTSD, Schizophrenia etc..). Call me ableist but I don’t care, it isn’t safe and the patience and understanding they require aren’t worth what you’re getting back.
No. 469094
>>469093> takes medicineWhich made him much slower by the way. He had to tack Xanax in order to stabilize first and he was just sleeping and being quite lethargic even when he was awake.
He isn’t as quick witted as he was before , even now that he takes less meds.
No. 469115
>>469096Never said that. Just that you’re going to put lots of effort with no certainty that he’ll truly won’t have a meltdown for what is essentially the same benefits of staying with someone who has no mental illnesses.
Men are barely decent when they’re not sick, I don’t see why you would get a sick one on top of that.
Not all schizophrenia is violent and I’m not saying that he’ll one day eat your face because the demon told him to, but if his disease takes a hold on him you won’t have your Nigel but a whole different person, you won’t even know how long it will last either or that if he’ll ever revert back to how he was.
It’s a gamble, but I guess if you love him enough then all the more to you, why should you listen to some strangers on the internet kek.
No. 469121
>>469096I wouldn’t stay with an autistic man either kek.
Mental illness just presents differently in men and women, scrotes are also coddled to the heavens. I wouldn’t trust a single scrote with one of these illnesses, sorry not sorry.
No. 469122
>>469096Honestly if he's not from your family I wouldn't bother. I know it's harsh to say it like this, but being supportive when someone is depressed for example is different than with a schizo. You can be as supportive as you can, but this illness is unpredictable and he could snap at any moment. Women are at a high risk of violence from their male partners already. I know a few men that went schizo in their twenties and all of them had at least one violent phase, often threatening women (they liked) in their lives - even if those threats never became reality, it is a serious concern you should have, especially for someone who used to do street knife fights.
The medication for schiz is also very strong with many side effects that you'll have to deal with. If you want to go ahead, just know what you're getting into, read about the illness, and accept that it's going to be really hard and sad a lot of times. You will never be able to cure him and during the unavoidable psychotic breaks he'll have you won't have a partner to support you or be there for you, whatever's going on in your life. Depending on how schizo he becomes, he probably won't be able to maintain a job either. Lots of things to consider realistically.
No. 469131
>>469093>>469115They weren’t hostile. You replied with.
>>469111It’s you who wants to be a martyr and complain at the same time.
You just didn’t like the advice because it’s the same thing that this nonna said>>469122
No. 469142
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>>469124And this is the supposedly good time kek
No. 469178
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>>469176I’m that silly what can I say
No. 469182
File: 1736711759848.jpeg (446.43 KB, 1170x1948, IMG_0775.jpeg)
>>469176And again. It takes a different kind of person to deal with these issues and no matter how much love you’re going to give them it won’t heal them.
You have to be realistic about it nonna.
No. 469269
>>469093Is this the hostility that nonna was talking about? Someone just gave a real life experience kek.
Martyr nonna probably believes in the power of love and wishful thinking being able to cure anything and everything. As long as you pour enough love everything will be alright!
No. 469417
File: 1736742352328.gif (1.57 MB, 480x220, 3369032364.gif)
>>469414>history of knife fightsLove that he only mentions the violent behavior he thinks anon will find cool or relate to west side story or something. I doubt he'd admit he beat up a family member during an episode, or engaged in other unpredictable behavior typical to actual schizophrenics.
No. 470602
>>470536Eh… He seems like he escalates situations too much, which can definitely get you in trouble as well if he's constantly causing and instigating fights. That being said, I agree with
>>470541 and you should really stop caring about a guy if he makes you worry this much.
No. 472008
>>471570Damn. What are you going to do,
nonnie?
No. 472904
>>472472Go for it if you like him, but be aware that he’s that kind of guy, so over the time don’t expect him to be any different kek.
I feel like some women approach and pursue passive guys and then at the end of the line get annoyed with their passiveness, it’s like they set themselves for failure.
No. 473346
>>459382nonnas, I did it. I just need to vent because i’m trying to make sense of what happened kek. also sorry if this wall of text sounds completely retarded i’m esl and tired as hell rn typing this shit on my phone
So i saw my crush at uni on tuesday, we talked for like 10 minutes and he asked me if I had any plans for the weekend to which i replied “no, nothing yet” and he’s like “yeah same”. I found this so strange because I expect someone to invite me to something when they ask if I have anything planned for a certain date?? Idk I’m autistic kek.
anyway, i took the opportunity and invited him to have some drinks at a bar with me on friday and he accepted my invitation and told me he’s excited! Friday was sooo nice, I had such a great time with him!! We talked for hours nonstop about all kinds of random stuff and it never felt awkward or forced or anything bad and we teased each other quite often too kekkk. And we were sitting quite close to each other after a while hnnghh. And this is gonna sound retarded as fuck but i told him about a stupid tiny accident I had which caused a laceration on my face and showed him the scar it left on my forehead and he just .. touched the scar? I died cause a super cute guy touched my face topkekkkk.
We stayed at the bar for 8 hours until 4am and afterwards he asked if we should go to a club. Obviously i was down for some dancing and spending more time with him so we went to the club and were there for 1,5 hours and then we left because we were tired and hungry kek. Then we walked home (we live in the same part of town so we both had to go in the same direction), but for some reason the way we said goodbye felt awkward? I dont know, we hugged and I was just hoping that he’d kiss me or ask me to come to his place or something ahhh. which he didn’t, sadly, ugh.
Now I cant stop overthinking every minuscule moment of that night. I keep thinking shit like “oh he probably doesn’t like me, not even platonically and he probably thinks i’m super weird and offputting” just because he hasnt texted me afterwards except for our “text me when u come home safely” and “sleep well” texts. to be fair 1) we hadn’t ever really texted before except me inviting him to drinks with my friends a month ago (he had plans already that day though) and 2) I rarely text my real life friends as well if there’s nothing to say since we see each other semi regularly anyway and it doesn’t harm our friendship even if we dont communicate for months for whatsoever reason and 3) he’s not online much.
but then, why would he hang out with me until 6 in the morning if he didn’t at least like me in a friendship kinda way? He could’ve left after a few hours and that would been fine too, but he even wanted to prolong our hangout and go to a club afterwards? And its not like he only hung out with me all night just so he could have sex with me, since he didnt even try to do anything like that? I think I’m just too retarded to date or even just get to know attractive people topkek, i just needed to get this off my chest. if you read this ily
No. 473371
File: 1737334142839.webp (33.88 KB, 750x621, 1000057400.webp)
In a relationship of almost 6 months that was very promising, and he suddenly admits that although he doesn't watch irl porn, he does read doujinshis that may or may not include lolicon (he says he doesn't actively look for it, but if it's there he doesn't really care). Do you think it's "too much" to end the relationship because of this?
No. 473375
File: 1737334413974.jpeg (165.4 KB, 1170x1059, IMG_0852.jpeg)
>>473371That’s what he’s comfortable telling you, there’s more. It tends to be with these kind of people.
No. 473382
>>473346Okay I read it nonna. I’d just like to tell you not to get your hopes up way too much. It looks like you you really like the guy so that’s why I’m warning you.
I had a similar date like yours, except I got asked out, it went well and then after a week I got the “I’m not ready”. Another guy asked me out and we spent some 5 hours together, he escorted me back home, kissed me on my cheek and said he had a great time and he even texted me when he reached home, we chatted for two weeks while he was away in Milan and when he came back (we had to go out) I got ghosted.
I’ve not really understood whether you’re texting him though? If yes then just continue and you’ll go on another date. If it doesn’t happen then just quietly let it down honestly, even if you aren’t a social person you would do the bare minimum for someone you like, like a text or two per day checking on them. You don’t have to overly complicate scrotes, trying to understand them is pointless, take what they do at face value , you’ll save yourself useless heartbreak and self blame.
No. 473432
>>473382tysm kek thanks for being honest!
yeah I’m not having high hopes anyway, especially since we don’t even know each other that well (yet). also re: texting:
noo we don’t text at all since, well, he’s just an acquaintance I’ve talked to like a handful of times. idk what to talk about via text anyway, I barely even text my good friends as I have mentioned above. I just wish that he’d tell me “omg nonna i’m so in love with you please marry me” after a single hangout topkek.
My plan is to wait and see if he’s interested or not and maybe ask my male friend whom he knows as well to invite my crush to our group hangouts kek
No. 473503
>>473432Look at how you are behaving, if he liked you enough he would behave the same way and he would have made you wait a day at most , maybe two if you want to be generous and then texted you (given that it’s also you who asked him out first by the way, it would have been super sweet if he texted). In this day and age you have your phone on hand at least twice a day come on.
If you like someone you won’t resist that much and you won’t go radio silent on them. There’s no such thing as a “nonchalant” “low communication “ “not tech savvy” “busy”, get it out of your head, these flaws will be all fixed magically when they meet a girl that they like. And nonnina I’m not saying that you’re ugly or wrong, but you might just not be his person that’s all.
If a scrote likes you he’ll like you even if you’re crazy or you let out deadly farts and he’ll want to hear from you, sure not crazy amount of times for hours, but he’ll check up on you, he’ll explicitly organize another date too (since you know it’s technically his turn). And funny thing even if they do all that you still aren’t 100% sure either kek, so that tells you much, don’t bother with these wishy washy types.
You don’t need to talk about anything in particular, you can pick up from the date, you said you spent 8 hours, surely you have topics kek.
No. 473602
>>473554All that and he’s with this new girl. Take your losses and find a new crush.
>I think he might like meWhy didn’t he do anything and why did he get with a girlfriend? Even if he likes you let’s say, why would you be interested in a cheater?
No. 473674
>>473554he wanted you to make the move, I guess. and while you didn't, some other girl did.
that's what I usually assume on these scenarios
No. 473706
>>473692Online without going into details
>>473702A failed suicide attempt and a half
No. 473832
>>473682And that’s why the 32 year old scrote picked you kek.
Go and be a young woman instead of wasting your year on this grown man please, he’s not the one for you.
No. 474202
>>474180You're not silly. He'll get over it.
Work on your issues without him, he's too immature.
No. 474270
>>474258Basic day-to-day stuff, like doing chores or groceries (he can't remember if we have any milk left etc), paying bills (I mostly take care of the bills but he often forgets to pay me his half), even remembering to eat. He also struggles to remember some things I tell him (like if I tell him there's food on the fridge, he could be heading to the store couple hours later bc he's hungry). Basically he has mild to severe difficulties remembering/making himself do any errands.
He's a uni student and academically gifted but struggles with the compulsory courses' deadlines he finds boring as well.
No. 474281
>>474270He's taking advantage of you doing these things for him. Stop reminding/asking/paying for him and watch how quickly he starts "remembering."
My fiancé has genuine memory issues and does not make me bear the mental load of running our household because I'm not his mom.
No. 474290
>>474281I have tried that, and he really doesn't remember to take care of a lot of things. And I'm not talking about only things like chores where he could go like "oh noo I didn't remember" when in reality he just doesn't care to do them and thinks that I'll clean up anyways. I mean for example, once he was prescribed a medication and he didn't remember to take his pills regularly (I didn't remind him, just found about it afterwards). I've heard same kind of stories from his family.
It's sometimes more like he tends to try to hide stuff that he needs to take care of so that I'm not there to remind him (and consequently making him feel ashamed when I point out he forgot it). But of course I acknowledge that being his personal reminder can make him more passive, which I try to stay conscious about and not remind him or do everything for him.
No. 474295
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>>474270Hi, I have severe ADHD and medical brain fog. I have trouble with all the same things. Do you know what I do?
>I write myself notes in multiple places>I set lots of alarms to remind me to do things>I make lists of what I need>I leave physical reminders where I will find them>I try very extra hard to keep on top of everything because I know I have trouble with these thingsI would be absolutely humiliated if my girlfriend did all my basic adult-life tasks for me like a mommy. The fact that he isn’t, means he has the mindset of a child, picrel. It is NOT his ADHD, it’s his priorities. You are not one of them for him, and neither is “living like functional adult.” If you’re not going to break up with him, then at least stop doing alllllll of that basic shit for him right now.
No. 474308
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>>474295Samefagging. What my alarm app looks like today, for example.
No. 474417
File: 1737493343519.jpeg (270.15 KB, 1400x2100, IMG_0884.jpeg)
>>474253You don’t, because scrotes with ADHD always use it as an excuse kek.
When you hear a scrote saying “muh ADHD” “muh autism” you run away like Usain Bolt.
No. 474595
Last year my boyfriend had a small accident that led to a life-threatening infection that put him in hospital for over 4 months and ended up needing multiple surgeries that removed a portion of his leg muscle. This came at a pretty difficult time in our relationship, where I was considering ending things. He was immensely kind and brought me joy, but was kind of unwilling to be romantic and physical with me outside of sex. He was also quite passive, which was a good thing, but too much of a good thing in his case. Well, after 4 months in hospital, he came out and suddenly he's changed. It started with having a very short temper, then developed into suddenly being quite menacing to people who bothered him that he'd normally ignored or placated before. This was explained by the chronic muscle pain from his surgery, which he still has now he's healed, but can manage. Then, when he could get around normally, he started taking up new projects and always wanted to be working on something, but couldn't do it with any distraction. He'd do anything I asked, no matter how hard or labour intensive, as long as he could do it alone with an audiobook playing. He'll clean, cook and wash dishes every single night, as long as he can do it with earphones in and without me talking to him. He usually didn't watch porn before, did look at some thirsty stuff, but now he doesn't bother with either. That leads to this sudden awakening on his libido which has been kind of a wild ride. Before he might have thought to put a hand on my shoulder as he went by or given me a kiss as he left home, but now he'll devote serious time and attention to making me as horny as possible throughout the day; even in public, which is odd because he's always refused to even kiss me in public. On top of that, we've gone from having sex maybe twice a week to 7 times a week. The real issue is this sudden change in temperament. After getting off crutches, a woman selling new age crap saw his limp then offered to sell him a $200 healing crystal, which launched him into this brief moment of real anger that made her recoil behind her stall. Months later a stranger was trying to get his attention at a bus stop and lightly tapped him in the leg, right where he had the surgery, prompting a very tense standoff where I really thought he was going to punch this guy until he took off. I'm worried this is all a temporary change, but more worried this streak of rage is permanent. He's never turned it on me, but he has raised his voice, when normally he never would.
Anyone with advice on what to do?
No. 474974
>>474928Vaguely, he knows things are hard for me right now and that I'm under a lot of stress with a good idea why. He's heard "I'm at the end of my rope" a couple times from me the past few months but I've finally hit the point where I don't even want to leave the house for groceries anymore, much less dedicate time outside to be with someone. Through a couple bad recent weekends I've told him I'd like to be alone for a bit and he understands but later has let me know that even if it's just for a day, hearing that makes him feel awful, which is fair, that probably isn't nice to hear. But I think it hits harder for him because I know he struggles with a lot of anxiety when it comes to the idea of abandonment, which this
triggers for him.
No. 474990
>>474635Well you’re already sabotaging the relationship with your behavior , it’s not like the relationship is remaining the same, you’d rather come out clean and be truthful. It’s better both for you and for him. If he cares about you he’ll try to support you and he’ll be there with you.
That aside you should get professional help.
No. 475013
>>474990>>475003You're both right, thank you nonnas for reminding me to think about how he might be feeling too. I know he tries hard to try his best. In my mind I subconsciously pushed it down as an option because our more confrontational talks usually don't go well and I didn't want to impose that on either of us lol. I'll report back on how it goes since another anon is experiencing something similar.
>>474998We don't, I live with my family that I financially support right now. This is slightly irrelevant but in a way maybe adds to my wanting to escape all of it and be alone because on top of financially supporting my family, I've had to pay for almost everything for us most of the year we've been together after he had been going through a difficult job search. I don't blame him for this at all but I guess I can't help but feel worn out.
No. 475430
>>475428Yup, this. Talk to any man who isn't currently in a relationship, and they'd admit that they'd fuck their attractive female friends if they had the chance.
>>475429>I have been thinking about getting divorced for about 3 yearsWhat the fuck are you waiting for then?
No. 475435
>>475430Thanks anon and I would like to add that the woman in this situation is
always exhausting, will be overly-friendly to your face and a bitch behind your back (and make weird "subtle" or passive aggressive remarks about you, to "your" moid). She will never let her source of easy attention, compliments and free labour (probably sex too) go. There is nothing a man can do for you that is worth more than
not having to deal with dumb gaslighting shit like this
No. 475470
>>475466Damn. You got me dead to rights there.
He's not ever gonna do anything
that horrible though, he's not bad in that way I'm just not happy and I don't get what I need out of this marriage. Although I have complained about him a few times here and was told by nonas they can't believe the state of heterosexual relationships etc kek which is a bad sign so I guess I could make him seem terrible if I tried
>>475465he has severe untreated anxiety so we cant go out to eat or anything without him having a panic attack and he doesn't do housework or celebrate holidays
No. 475864
>>475856>We basically never fight but we had a major blowout fight about a month ago about a sexual issue where he was kind of mean and made me cry, but he said sorry afterwards and tried to act normally again.This needs to be resolved if you're going to stay with him. It sounds like you aren't over it and pushed your feelings down. I don't know the specifics but if a man did that to be I would fall out of love too. I'm guessing he didn't do anything to make up for it and instantly expected you to forgive him because he gave you a low-effort apology and didn't actually fix the issue. Of course you don't have to stay and fix things, you can just break up with him because he's the one who fucked things up.
>>475857>Familiarity breeds contemptIf you aren't compatible, yes, but in general, no. She's starting to realize he isn't as perfect as she thought he was.
No. 475867
>>475839>>475844I agree with this take; it's very much giving off the impression of feeling combative and looking for an excuse.
Even if it's literally solely the well-meaning compliments that are the problem, it still sounds like they should break up, because that's kind of an eggshell of an issue.
>>475815If it's not actually that serious and the phrasing is just due to frustration, then I would recommend asking him to compliment you on other things, too. Like if he says "You're so gorgeous", you could say "Oh, you think I'm pretty - what else do you like about me?". I've found that encouraging my boyfriend to compliment certain aspects (like my intelligence and cleanliness) and reacting positively has led him to do this organically.
No. 475971
>>475348>>475386Thank you. Both of these seem to have pretty negative side effects though but I'm leaning towards minoxidil.
>>475473I wish it were that easy
No. 476817
File: 1737916536044.jpg (147.21 KB, 1920x1920, 71LsmwPEuaL.jpg)
>>475313My nigel takes oral minoxidil along with Dutasteride (stronger version of finasteride). He also gets watermans shampoo/conditioner in picrel. Be careful with topical minoxidil if you have cats, because it's highly
toxic to them. His dad and the majority of the men in his family were already bald by his age (27), so I'd say its working pretty good. You can get a prescription online pretty easily, and with coupons it's only around $30 a month. He should also start saving for a hair transplant, but make sure he doesn't get it too early or else when the back of his head starts balding he will look really retarded. Side note, I see lot's of men that say they don't take Finasteride/Dutasteride, because they're scared for their dick. My nigel and I have sex twice a day. I've never noticed this side effect. I think moids are just very dramatic about their dicks.
No. 476878
File: 1737927009637.png (149.04 KB, 1258x581, icky.png)
blackpilled straight nonas: how do you reconcile knowing men are shit while also simultaneously being physically attracted to m*ids?
i saw this post from a couple years back and it sums up how i feel. no matter how deep the romantic and emotional connection, i resent feeling like I have to be performatively feminine and sexually attractive around dates/bfs so as not to hurt their egos or make them hate me, and the general feeling of being objectified even when in a romantic relationship with a male.
the solution would probably be to find a submissive type man, but those men seem to be very thing on the ground, or at least for some reason I can only attract pervy, slightly misogynistic, dominant types. honestly I wish I could find an asexual man but im doubting if those even exist.
No. 476880
>>476878thin*
its also made me realize that all relationships with men are purely transactional/shallow and once sex is off the table most of them throw a fit. it makes me wonder what the point of marrying or having a family is if men are so superficial and sexually motivated.
No. 476911
>>476878Sorry to be a "my Nigel" anon, but my Nigel is very low libido/close to asexual. Hormones are fine, he had his levels checked, it's just apparently how he's always been. We maybe have sex twice a month and he's incredibly vanilla, but also happy to go along with my femdom fantasies because he worships the ground I walk on. It's said a lot on this board, but you're a lot better off finding a normal moid and bringing up femdom on your end than finding a "submissive" one, submissive men often see women as kink dispensers.
It takes some adjusting to undo the programming of "men are supposed to want sex all the time and if they don't the woman is the problem," but it's possible to find men who don't view women as bangmaids. I think in general being peaked on men as a straight woman means you become a lot more selective, and helps you get rid of the "I need to be picked" mindset. It is overall a good thing. I hope you can meet a kind man who is supportive and adoring nona!
No. 476926
>>476880Oh
nonnie I was engaged to a moid who claimed that I was the best and only good thing that had happened to him. I was the love of his life, he wanted a future with me, kids with me, a home with me, etc. Until I became chronically ill and couldn't have sex with him anymore. He stopped caring about me and then dropped me as soon as he could. The last thing he told me was that I wasn't good enough for him, and that he knew we would have broken up eventually even if I hadn't gotten sick.
There is literally nothing you can do about it. You won't know how moids react until that thing you're scared of happens. Your best bet is finding one that isn't as sex motivated. I just accept the blackpill and hope for the best.
No. 476930
>>476780I make him buy me something. Like a meal or a gift or something. Of course, this is after he genuinely reflects on his mistakes, understands how it made me feel, and knows exactly how to change his behavior. Also you will understand if your moid is actually sorry and knows he does wrong if he is happy to get you a gift and make things right again. If he's cheap and stingy over it, he doesn't think he's genuinely done wrong and just expects you to get over it when he fucks up. Don't stand for it.
>>476878Honestly? I think if you take penetrative sex off the table as well as any performative kinks or sex that centers his pleasure in any way, the promise of children, and you paying for him (even 50/50), that's the only way you can tell if a moid loves you or not. Shitty men either want to use you for sex/kink, childrearing, domestic labor, and/or money. Once you take those things away, there is no way a man can scam you out of your love, effort, and time.
No. 476932
>>476878>>476880> it makes me wonder what the point of marrying or having a family is if men are so superficial and sexually motivated.If you ask me, there is none ! It depends on what you want in life tbh, you don't have to marry or have a family with a man, I think there is a lot to lose in general in having children with a man because it puts you in a vulnerable position no matter what and I don't want that. Happens no matter how good the man is and i'll die on this hill. Marriage will never be equal, having children is a totally different thing for women and yeah, there no point to me.
That put aside there is still a small percentage of men who don't care about you being performatively feminine and are genuinely submissive, i don't know if asexual men exist but men who have a low libido probably exist if that's important to you. Even without that it's possible to have sex with men without it being performative, but you need to stop putting your partner's desires first and ask yourself what you really enjoy, want to do and what you don't want to do. Then again, a lot of men won't respect or care about that, but it doesn't matter because you don't want to date people who make you feel objectified and don't respect your boundaries.
In general, don't be afraid to ask for what you want or don't want by fear of the guy breaking up with you even if it seems "unreasonable" or "unconventional" for a straight relationships. I feel like a lot of what is accepted in straight relationships benefit men, not women, and might not be what you (or most women) actually want before getting brainwashed trying to please some moid.
I know it's hard plus it's just very rare to find a guy who will actually listen to you and treat you as a human but you only need to find one. And it's hard to trust even the good ones tbh, you can't really tell if he's pretending before a while unfortunately. A guy with a low libido might hide a porn addiction or whatever.
No. 476938
>>476931I'm sorry it's though honestly. I don't think men will ever understand how complex it is for the vast majority of women to navigate sexual relationships in general. Even without having your experiences, it just is, and it's pretty much impossible to make them understand anything on the subject because sex is so simple and innate for them. I think a lot of women feel like you or at least a lot more than you'd think but they just put up with it because they're afraid of being alone i guess. Of course the right thing is to talk to him about it and you know that, I wouldn't recommend staying in this situation even if I understand your fears.
If he is a decent person, he will understand your position though. You shouldn't be living like this.
>I have been raped and sexually assaulted various times in my early 20s. My feelings around sex where like this before these traumatic incidents.It's understandable for someone with your experience to be sex repulsed even if it might not be linked directly. Does he know about this? It's insane for your bf, or anyone, to expect you to feel completely good about sex, even if it's not what caused your repulsion in the first place and it was already there. You need to have a talk with him about all of this eventually.
No. 476966
File: 1737946882895.jpg (40.09 KB, 735x525, d2d0dcda8c9979077d4589b2867b9d…)
>>476952kek I missed the anon she's replying to wants an asexual. It is very good advice, ignore me thread lurkers
No. 476978
File: 1737948734414.gif (204.1 KB, 220x165, kiss-kiss-gif.gif)
>>476976If he watches cuckhold porn then yes, if not then you probably shouldn't. Idk anons will probably say cheating is okay if it's done to a moid but even with that mindset, you're just imposing shame/guilt on yourself. You should probably just break up with him and not mention the cheating
No. 476998
>>476978>Idk anons will probably say cheating is okay if it's done to a moidand that's a
toxic mindset. Fidelity isn't something you do for him, it's something you do for yourself. If you don't want to be faithful to him it means you don't really want to be with him at all, which means it's time to get out.
No. 477001
>>476976I mean do you even
want to be with him?
No. 477012
>>476976I feel conflicted tbh. I don't think it's morally right to keep it a secret but then again
>>476999 is most likely right and I also think men who watch porn in a relatioship are cheating by default which is probably yours too. So I guess it's a matter of Do I want to be the bigger person at my own expense or not.
No. 477019
>>475013Update, I brought it up to him and all he said was “I hope the time alone makes you feel better” which is the worst answer I feel I could have gotten because he’s not being unsupportive but it doesn’t feel like he’s being supportive either lol
>>475016Confrontational wasn’t the right word, I meant something more like an honest conversation because I usually try to be very mindful with how I bring up anything since he responds kind of defensively/redirectively more often than he responds supportively
No. 477130
>>477045>this guy grew up super religious and has a lot of weird hangups about commitment because of it since he never got to have independence growing up. Red flag. Sounds like an excuse. If a moid tells you he isn’t ready to commit for whatever reason,
believe him (though he’s probably lying about the reason). This is and will continue to be an issue.
>my question is how long is too long to wait for someone to know if they want to date you officially? normally i'd feel like you should know by around date number 5, but i'm willing to give him leeway. i was thinking either a couple months or 10ish dates? is that too many? too little?I’ve been in your position before where I’ve found myself waiting for the person I’m dating to finally want to be in a relationship, and it’s miserable. Putting a deadline on the start of a real relation will make you feel unfulfilled and him resentful, ime. However, since you mentioned rushing past relationships, I think it’s reasonable in any case to date for up to 3 months or so before officially entering a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with taking it slow, but don’t ignore the red flags. You’ve only been on 2 dates with this man. You barely know him.
No. 477146
>>477077yeah i am concerned about this because i don't want to get used or get my time wasted, but i also am not really in a place to commit to a relationship yet either because i feel like i don't know him enough. like i said, it's only been two dates so far.
>>477130like you said i barely know him, and at this point i don't even know him enough to know if i want to seriously date him or not even though we do get along and click really well. i agree it's definitely a concern because i don't want to be waiting around forever for him to decide to press the
trigger on wanting to be with me, but i do want to go out with him a few more times if he's up for that until i get more of a handle on how i feel. in the mean time i'm not going to close myself off to other opportunities either. i don't do dating apps but i won't hold back if i meet someone else interesting in person. i think i won't put a hard deadline on it to mitigate those feelings of resentment, but if it gets to the point where i feel like i know what i want, i'll bring it up with him and he'll either want to commit or not.
No. 477160
>>477152he does seem to have a lot of religious guilt/hangups about sex (especially if hes still a virgin in his late 20s) so i think he's being honest about that. he told me the fear of commitment/relationships in general comes from seeing all the people he grew up with from church get married and have kids with horrible moids from like age 18-20. i told him that when i say im looking for something serious i just mean a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship that has potential to go the distance because it seemed like we had different definitions of "serious".
we made out a little bit but he ended up pulling away because he wanted to stop himself before going further than he was comfortable with. (and now im blushing at my desk at work remembering how sweet he was when he was kissing me)
No. 477171
>>4771431 in 5 women become
victim of domestic violence, don't seek it out. It doesn't matter if he had a "good reason", it shows lack of impulse control and anger management.
No. 477767
>>477666>If he's a soldier fighting in a war for example, or if he killed someone in self defenseno it was definitely a cold blooded murder
>or if he killed someone defending someone else I could understand thatit sort of was. The guy had been stalking his sister for months despite a restraining order and repeated threats to stop. The stalking had caused her to develop panic attacks that she still suffers from.
i'm not gonna date him because I don't agree with murdering people but I don't think he's a bad guy
No. 477915
File: 1738135723743.jpg (65.74 KB, 540x382, imagy-image.jpg)
Should I stop trying and just give my boyfriend the bare minimum? I enjoy the relationship and we have great chemistry. I have fun, I don't want a different 'better' guy. He complies with his "bf duties" (dates, gifts, compliments, etc.) but he doesn't seem to care whether I put any effort or not. If I do something kind or if I act indifferent it's all the same to him. Unless I insult him he doesn't care. In fact, I suspect he wants me to be less nice to him. Why is this? Should I just perpetually act like I don't give a fuck about him?
Moids either hate caring women or they treat them like mommy, there's no saving them. All they want is to chase you.
No. 477984
>>477915Maybe you are just doing things he actually doesn't really give a shit about because he would appreciate something else more? Talk to him about this and see what he says.
>I suspect he wants me to be less nice to himWhy do you suspect that?
No. 478119
>>477915You enjoy the relationship, there's chemistry, it's fun, you want him, you haven't voiced a complaint exactly, but you seem unhappy and want to change the relationship to make it worse for no reason. What is making you feel this way? I'm guessing that maybe you feel like he's not appreciating your acts of kindness enough. Is that it? If so, maybe you could ask him if there was anything you could do that he would appreciate or find romantic. Tell him you want to please him and feel like he likes your presence or otherwise phrase it in a way that is sweet and I can only see this being a very cute thing.
Another alternative reading that I can see is that you worry that, because he doesn't get mad or care when you drop the ball, maybe you feel like that means that your efforts mean nothing to him. However, it could just be that he understands that people have their ups and downs and he likes it when you put in effort but he won't punish you when you don't have the energy to put in effort. I think I would warn you not to go seeking discord just because things are too nice if this is the case.
No. 478138
>>477984I should ask him, you're right.
>Why do you suspect that?He likes me more the less warm I am to him. Pays me more attention if I ignore him. Only wants sex if I don't bring it up first. Etc.
>>478119>What is making you feel this way? I'm guessing that maybe you feel like he's not appreciating your acts of kindness enough.Yes, but also just the fact that he seems to be more attentive and caring the less I am. He has been grateful and found it sweet when I've helped him out in the past, but he doesn't seem to seek someone who's attentive to his needs and would rather date a girl who's more selfish.
>However, it could just be that he understands that people have their ups and downs and he likes it when you put in effort but he won't punish you when you don't have the energy to put in effort.This is true. He is very understanding about this sort of stuff. I don't think he cares what I do at all unless I cheat on him. He has no expectations, but to an abnormal extent.
No. 478189
>>478138Maybe you're just not that compatible. Despite what
>>478166 says not all men are the same and the good ones will always appreciate you when you do good things for them, but at the same time not expect them either.
No. 478257
>>478253Depends on their level of maturity, which can vary even when they’re older anyway. I
don’t like age gaps , especially when the scrote is older . But it’s not like he’s a teenager, give it a try.
No. 478598
File: 1738285289788.webp (51.54 KB, 623x794, IMG_1049.webp)
>>478562That’s when you leave asap and never look back, do it now that you can and don’t let yourself be sweet talked. Your chances of being murdered have increased , you are in active danger nonna.
I usually love calling people retarded for their choices, but I won’t since I’m being serious. Listen to me nonna please, it’s your life at skate here. No amount of sorry or “I love you” will ever soften the blows that he’ll give you, and I’m using the present simple because it’s not a matter of IF he does it again, but it’s a matter of WHEN he will do it again.
https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/will-an-abuser-kill-you No. 478914
File: 1738348671574.jpg (125.73 KB, 987x720, 20240507225040.jpg)
I need some advice. I met a guy who was into me (I never really liked him, he was sort of mean and pushy) and his friend after not seeing each other for years. We ended up falling out, but I still chat with his friend and do stuff with him almost every day. For the past two months I have noticed I have feelings for him, but I always found him to be very attractive. Thing is, I am autistic (diagnosed) so I can't tell if he likes me back or if I am being pushy/delusional. Should I pull back before it gets too messy? I would like to remain his friend at least. I would seriously HATE to make anyone uncomfortable in any way, but it's hard for me to tell…
No. 479167
>>479153>and didn't immediately friendzone me the second I told him about my daughterThis has never happened to me during the decade+ my daughter has been alive (even with moids in their early 20s) so that's not the real issue, sorry to say. Maybe if you had 3+ kids? This is something guys say online but you have a much higher chance of scrotes becoming
more interested in you because you have a child (since so many are pedophiles) and they love to play dad. I'm not trying to be rude but I can't remember the last time I heard a woman use the phrase "friendzone" about themselves, regarding a guy either so that's probably where you should start looking first. Especially because you say they find out about your daughter then friendzone you, if anything they'd at least try to keep you around sexually if they thought you having one child makes you undateable. I know of a scrote who married a woman right after her baby from another moid was born. She was very beautiful and interesting so the scrote didn't care that she had a baby son. It's definitely an excuse, sorry anon
No. 479181
>>479153>My ex had a nervous breakdown and trooned out when he found out I was pregnant, and now takes all his art commissions in cash to avoid paying child support.I hope he gets his karma nonna. Can’t you blast him on social media or something. His behavior is so fucking disgusting.
Were there any signs?
No. 479204
>>479176Okay that makes a lot more sense. I was trying to imagine how that would even be possible (without them at least pestering you for sex). There are virgin zoomers complaining that moids won't commit to them, males are just mostly porn addicted
and have short attention spans. It's like the worst combination of terminally online possible. I'm glad you found one that seems promising
No. 479302
>>479181There were, but he was a very eccentric artist type when I met him, so I viewed those signs as personality traits. My "type" is also a little feminine, so I was kind of doomed from the start.
>>479205First he just left to "figure things out", and said he'd come back, only to move out for his "mental health", after which he trooned out and changed his name. The last I heard from him, he's entirely uninterested in his daughter because he says he's not the person that created her anymore.
>>479182It was very encouraging that, as I was nervously explaining why I wanted to date for a while first and hoping he wouldn't just bail, that he immediately understood it was about protecting her. It's even more encouraging to see that he's helped raise a lot of his extended family and I've seen how he interacts with them as a kind of father-figure who they seem to really love and rely on.
>>479204The other guys were all zoomers my age or younger and weren't even willing to lie to me for a few weeks to see if they could get laid. I can't decide if that's better or worse. it's certainly more honest.
No. 479375
>>479302> he's entirely uninterested in his daughter because he says he's not the person that created her anymoreWhat a piece of shit. I at least hope you are living well and safely nonna and that your daughter is fine.
I still think you should blast him and call him out, the retard should give child support, it’s the bare minimum.
No. 479453
>>479375>welllolno
>safelyYeah. I'm living with my parents because right now I can only get work in a cafe, so couldn't possibly afford childcare. I'm extremely lucky I can cover all my expenses and budget to keep a trickle of income flowing into savings, as long as I never do anything fun that costs money.
>blast himThe problem is he's not a celebrity or anything, and he's decoupled himself from his old identity. I could try to launch some kind of local social media campaign to warn people, but I'm a nobody and he's very insulated against anything I could do because he sells his work internationally through various dealers. The only people he interacts with are friends who are terminally woke and think his transition and mental health is more important than anything else.
No. 479477
If you're a bit more than a year into your relationship, and your partner still talks at length about her exes and how much she hates them and what they did, this just means she's still not over them right? She reminds me of my friend who is so obviously into a guy because she talks about him with me and every minor thing he does for hours on end, then goes all 'but I don't like him, he sucks' and so does my girlfriend, she just talked for 3 whole hours about the glimpse she caught of her ex at an event yesterday, and how much she apparently hates her or whatever, like… I was kind of taken aback yesterday to really say anything but, she's not over her at all, is she? What should I do?
In the early days of our relationship, all she did was talk about her exes, till I cried and told her to please stop, because every single conversation we had was hijacked by her talking about something her exes did or how they made her feel, and I get it, from her account they sound shitty but it got to a point I couldn't take it anymore. She then stopped, mostly.
No. 479486
>>479477Yea she's not over her exes. Obviously idk her so I can't say much but I dated a girl like that briefly, all she did was complain about her exes and all the people that broke her heart and betrayed her or whatever, instead of just trying to grow from it and move on.
People like that usually enjoy being miserable, they'd rather sit there and ruminate on how sad their life is rather than changing it. My ex was stuck in a
victim mindset, when I broke up with her she was nonstop talking about me to everybody, stuff about how I was evil n broke her heart blah blah.
If you guys break up she'll probably do the same thing to you with her next gf (complaining about you constantly).. I cant tell you what to do but you're better off without her. You guys have been together for over a year and she still hasn't changed? It usually takes people a lot of time, growth and inner work to grow from huge
victim complexes like that. She won't change unless she chooses to.. and it seems like she doesn't want to.
No. 479499
>>479489>>479489It's good that she's tried to change for you, and it seems like you really care about her. But tbh I think it's really weird that she tries to ruin good days for you, seems like she knows how much it hurts you when she cries about her exes so she purposely hurts you when things are good for you. Weird behaviour, from what youre telling me it looks like she wants to bring you down to her level and doesn't want to see you succeed.. You're not being jealous or apathetic at all. I wouldn't want to deal with her behaviour either if I were you.
If you want to stay with her, I guess you'll have to really talk to her about this, like tell her everything, including the stuff about how she tends to ruin big days for you.. (if you haven't already), which will be hard but if she really truly cares about you she will listen.
And ask yourself, do you see her changing this behaviour & becoming a better gf by the end of 2025? That's 11 months of time to grow and change ! If the answer is leaning towards no you gotta break it off with her.
No. 479521
File: 1738507299053.jpg (87.83 KB, 596x711, birb.jpg)
Idk if this is the best thread for this, but maybe someone here will have some insight. Is it normal to be so scarred from a bad relationship that you become completely aromantic/asexual? Like, I've been in a horrible marriage for 5 years. I have zero sex drive, zero desire to masturbate, zero attraction to men that I probably would've been drooling over before meeting my husband. All I feel is nothingness now. When I'm finally able to leave this situation, will I go back to normal? I mean, I guess I'm not complaining about finally being free of heterosexual inclinations, but I lack something to replace it with, which then leaves me unsatisfied with my life. I'd focus on friendship except I don't have any friends because my shitty, defective Nigel isolated me from the few I did have, so I'll be starting my life over in more ways than one when I'm free.
pic unrelated
No. 479550
>>479521I got out of a 6 year emotionally
abusive relationship with a porn and sex addict and felt exactly how you do. I didn’t masturbate, the thought of sex made me cringe, the thought of anyone touching me made me ill. My libido was DEAD. And it stayed that way for almost two years? And now I’m absolutely feral but celibate. I was also able to make a couple friends, get my career back on track and basically start my life over. It’ll take time but you’ll get there nona.
No. 480016
File: 1738631045362.jpg (45.84 KB, 680x383, 9fd4854c128df86e0294b3b647db63…)
I got pretty sick last month and my boyfriend did a lot to help me, such as coming over to keep me company while I was feeling miserable and making me food/tea when I was too tired to do it myself. I think I must have given him whatever I had because now he's sick and on top of that his cat just died over the weekend and he's been having a rough time at work so he's not only sick but probably depressed as well. I've been dating him for almost three months and this is my first relationship, so I have no clue how to act.
When I was sick I didn't expect anything from him, but he offered to do all of those things for me. But I'm not a natural caretaker kind of person, so I'm not sure what to do in return. I can't go to his house and care for him the same way because he still lives with his family and I've never been there before. I thought I'd at least try to offer him company, but he hasn't responded to my messages from this morning which is really unusual so he must be feeling really bad. So in that case, my instinct is to leave him alone until he feels better because I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to talk to me. But I still feel anxious that I'm not doing enough, especially because he did so much for me and the best thing I can think of right now is to just leave him alone lol. Is there anything I can do? I honestly also feel really insecure that I don't know how to take care of people and he'll resent me for it or find some other girl who is much better at it than me
No. 481218
File: 1738867384871.jpg (8.79 KB, 258x284, GGfsN5wXMAAsXsW.jpg)
>he has no job
>doesn't want one because it'll take up his precious free time he'd rather spend playing videogames and tinkering with his pc
>expects me to skip work so i can take a 7 hour train ride to his city to see him
>we are not even officially dating, technically "just friends"
>willing to come visit me but is too lazy to look for places to stay
you have to be fucking kidding me
is it weird of me to expect a 19 year old with a college degree to have a job? he's just sitting around wasting time when he could be making money. if both of us were working we'd have more oppotunities to see eachother and spend quality time together.
it's also making him so boring to talk to. what's the point of asking how his day went if the answer is the same every day?
No. 481234
>>481222i know i should but the only people i see in my day-to-day life are my parents and a bunch of middle-aged ladies at work
maybe this will change when i go back to college
No. 481311
>>481310Not a single compliment in four years? Come on.
It feels nice to be complimented about your appearance and be assured about your appearance from time to time kek.
No. 481470
File: 1738891415224.webp (32.53 KB, 419x612, meirl.webp)
I feel insane typing this out but I need advice. Lately, I randomly get extremely angry sometimes when I have sex with my boyfriend. Innocuous things he does during sex, like not moving his arm where I want him to, getting soft if it's out for a while, or laying on my hair by accident, make me irrationally angry for some reason. I never hurt him, but I'll want to push/shove him, sometimes bite my lip to keep myself from biting him. He has sometimes sensed my anger and has stopped during it to ask me if I'm okay, to which I lied and said I wasn't angry because I felt embarrassed by it.
I have had this happen in a previous relationship before as well. Both times, it started about 2-3 years into the relationship. Our sex life is otherwise fine – this does not happen every time, but only once in a while. I have always liked being aggressive and in charge during sex, but it's like something takes over and I get actually angry and want to be physically aggressive.
Has anyone else experienced this or know what's going on?
No. 481496
File: 1738894658957.webp (31.07 KB, 900x900, d1a61b56-a567-11ee-91ac-560004…)
online bf of… not even 2 months yet bought me everything on my throne wishlist. at first, I joked about him buying me figures but he expressed interest and wants to 'make it know that I love him bc its an LDR'. I've know him since November and he has spent 1.3k on useless things I added on there bc I was under the impression he would buy them over time, maybe 1 item a month at most. not sure what to think tbh he is also 10 years older than me and my ex was about the same age difference and he was ultimately the worst decision I had ever made in my entire life even thus far. he was that terrible. now that I know better I'm questioning everything even if nothing is there. I'm anxious and he seems really sweet and generous, but I don't want to get my hopes up about a man just because he throws money at me. i mean, I buy my own things and I'm capable of doing so.i have bpd so my life is exponentially more enjoyable when I'm single but I really love him so far. its just been a couple months and the parallels between the red flags could not be more glaring.
No. 481500
File: 1738894929686.jpg (107.51 KB, 1060x938, 1721091167781.jpg)
>>481483maybe u just wanna be in charge ya know. ask to be on top or in control more and see how that works! or dig your fingernails into his skin or something. you can ask him if its ok to slap him? the most depraved pornography was written and directed by a man, so he will most likely enjoy it. i would just let him know you want to be more aggressive and stuff of course and see how that pans out. or you need to be on mood stabilizers.
>>481499in my mid 20s nona
(ai outside of containment) No. 481506
>>481500I'm pretty much always in charge and I'm on top 95% of the time. So I don't think it's that I'm not in control enough, it's almost like my brain gets confused and thinks we're fighting instead of fucking. I start getting angry and wanting to be physically aggressive. Unfortunately he doesn't like pain, it makes him lose his erection.
Maybe you're right about mood stabilizers kek, but when I've been on them I didn't have any sex drive at all.
No. 481509
File: 1738896541329.jpg (152.21 KB, 720x712, 1703341685616.jpg)
>>481506>and thinks we're fighting instead of fuckingmy sides. u can try Wellbutrin though. doesn't have an effect on my sex drive. if anything, it makes it stronger.
>>481507the love bombing isn't a tactic that will work and me and I've told him this many times. but u right
No. 481517
File: 1738898468984.jpg (27.46 KB, 612x612, 1000005376.jpg)
I have a bf who's great in everything besides the bedroom and fitting into the archetypal men I like. Why is this bothering me so much?
He cooks, he cleans, he pays rent in full and is receptive to change, yet he's so piss poor in bed that I have to finish myself off when he's not around. In all of my fantasies I think about a tall guy with dark hair and light eyes (nothing close to him)
Did I psychologically do some kind of fuckywucky? Strategically he's a good potential long-term partner just because how much he does for me but I'm just flat out unhappy for some reason.
No. 481528
>>481521My hold up is then I'd be at the mercy of other moids. Reading this site, I think 99% of them do half of the shit I listed, and expect me to be mommy bang maid.
I thought perhaps I fucked my brain up reading too much smut or something.
No. 481540
>>481522so… i dont mind lol im just contributing ofc
>>481528that is possible too
No. 481574
>>481517my husband used to be terrible at sex (but it's not like I was great either, it's just easier to make men come), it took a lot of effort and talking for us to figure out how to make things fun for the both of us. It's embarrassing when the relationship is new but you really do have to clearly express what feels good, what doesn't, what you like.
Are you actually attracted to him though? If not, that's not fixable.
No. 481600
>>481574At one point of time, I did find him attractive and I was attracted. We had a series of issues last year and so I think I slowly mentally checked out.
It's not like men who I find attractive are attracted to me, nor did I get asked out a lot prior to this relationship, so for the most part I think this is as good as I'll get.
No. 481644
>>481600what were the issues?
my husband and I were both virgins when we met so having the "so..how was it.." talk was every time after we had sex. we both knew we were new at this so it wasn't awkward to communicate about it. since you are both already established, try to frame it as "hey I wanna try something new, can we try x when we have sex next time?" then afterwards ask him what he thought, he'll respond. maybe he'll ask you, then you ask him if there's anything he wants to try or you can do differently. then you tell him "oh uh next time can you also do this thing differently?"
there might be some issues like asking why you didn't bring it up sooner and just tell him you were nervous because this is sensitive stuff to talk about and you didn't wanna be discouraging.
although if you're mentally checked out and admit to settling I have no idea how to help
No. 481648
File: 1738942849717.jpg (22.93 KB, 500x357, 1000005237.jpg)
>>481644He used to watch coomer shit and it would discourage me so much, not to mention at the time I was on birth control and it gave me such drastic mood swings. That's where all the fantasizing about different men thing started. I figured, of he can ogle other women and lust after them, why can't I?
Granted he's gotten a lot better– if he does watch it, I don't know anymore. He's been working on himself and is an attentive partner, it's just I think of last year and I still feel unsettled.
No. 481700
File: 1738950817911.jpg (120.65 KB, 524x724, 1000004984.jpg)
>>481667Thank you. Your advice was indispensable to me, even with how vague I had to be without spilling my guts. Last time I had a serious discussion with him about the coomer shit, I told him one more strike means his ass is out, and he appears to have stopped engaging with it.
I figured at this point in the relationship (5 years), it would be harder to start from scratch. The dating market seems to absolutely suck nowadays, and I figured that hangups about partners are inevitable and you can't quite have everything you want. I might be able to bed a hot guy, but he might be a whore and the worst partner ever, and winning the lotto with good looks and domesticity seems close to impossible. In that case it would probably be easier to psyop myself into feeling attracted to him once again, since I felt those feelings once…at least that's what I think.
No. 481810
My BF and I are both into gaming a lot and usually spend most of our time after work etc hanging out in discord VC, playing games and talking to friends.
Over the past year or so our established friend group has thinned out a little for no particular reason. No fights or anything, just that circumstances haved changed for most so we don’t spend as much time all together anymore.
I don’t mind as much because I‘m perfectly fine with being alone. My BF on the other hand isn’t. He thrives when there‘s a bunch of people around and he needs to socialize.
In the past, before our core friend group found together, his way to go was asking for people to join us and whenever too many people left he‘d go get new ones. And he didn’t even check them out beforehand or anything, he just welcomed everyone in and sorted out later, which lead to there being some really … difficult … people around a lot of the time. Some of them sticking around much longer than I would’ve hoped for.
On one occasion when he did that some time after our core group had established it even lead to a huge fight because of one of the people he reeled in.
It‘s always a mess and I‘m extremely uncomfortable with constantly being introduced to new people. (I‘m autistic, so that probably plays a role too.)
Eventually I positioned myself and told him that I don’t want him to go get new people this time and he‘s kinda accepted it, but also keeps bringing it up occasionally. He just doesn’t understand why I don’t want it because we‘re such polar opposites.
But I can tell he‘s struggling with not having people around. However, if he did bring new people, I‘d be struggling just as much. So it really just seems like there’s no way to find a solution that works for both of us, or is there?
I hate the thought of it, but is this really something worth breaking up with over?
My previous relationship was so symbiotic that we ended up isolating ourselves and a year or two later my ex kept blaming me for missing out on stuff and me isolating him (even though it was him who always wanted to spend time with me alone), so I‘m just terrified of my current BF also resenting me one day for 'having to' refrain from meeting new people and me isolating him. (I‘m obviously not actively making him. I‘d be fine with him just finding himself new people but it’s just not for me. But he only wants to do it if I‘m on board with it.)
I just don’t know what to do. I want him to be happy but without having to go through swallowing my feelings for the next 2 years or so. My mental health isn’t the best already so that might actually destroy me.
No. 481824
>>481810So what's the problem, the type of people he brings in or the rate at which he brings people in, or both? Because I agree with
>>481821 but that doesn't work if you still think he's bringing in too many new people too often after vetting for the right personalities.
Have you thought about just finding/building your own friend group? From what I understand these are online friends, not irl people. You don't HAVE to share a friend group one to one if you don't want to/need different things.
No. 481863
>>481821Yeah but he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t see a point in vetting them because 'they sort themselves out over time anyway', so doing that is just a waste of time. And he ~wants to get to know the people etc.
And even if he did pre-select them, he‘d probably still pick people I wouldn’t be comfortable with because he finds them 'interesting'. (And me doing it probably wouldn’t work either because since I don’t really want new people to begin with, I don’t think anyone would really pass.)
>>481824Sometimes, when he‘s feeling
really down and desperate, it’s the rate. But generally speaking it’s, as mentioned, the kind of people.
And as I explained, finding our own (or rather him finding his own) friend group doesn’t seem to be an option for him:
> I‘d be fine with him just finding himself new people but it’s just not for me. But he only wants to do it if I‘m on board with it.For him it’s either I‘m on board with it or he won’t do it.
No. 481866
>>481619soooo true
nonnie that ROG Zephyrus is calling my name. I'll probably ask in a couple months or when I give him the green light that I'm his girlfriend. thanks for the idea
No. 481872
File: 1738977029513.jpeg (9.23 KB, 208x240, GiEpketaMAEqx7P.jpeg)
>>481619soooo true
nonnie that ROG Zephyrus is calling my name. I'll probably ask in a couple months or when I give him the green light that I'm his girlfriend. thanks for the idea
No. 482081
>>481863So it's either fully HIS way or no way at all? That's the mentality of a 6 year old child.
>So it really just seems like there’s no way to find a solution that works for both of us, or is there?What I'm getting from this is that there IS a solution that requires both of you to give in and compromise a little, which you are willing to do but he isn't.
Since he's unwilling to compromise, I'd take matters into my own hands and find my own group of people. What's he gonna do, take your internet so you can't have your own circle of friends?
No. 482661
>>482659He wasn't crude or making misogynistic/racist jokes. He was acting like one of those annoying youtube personalities that try to appeal to autistic zoomer kids. I think that behavior would would make most women asexual.
>they often play it up to make whoever they are with laughThat adds another element of ick to it, that he tries so hard to impress his scrote friends to the point of making himself look like a fool. I guess it's my fault for dating a male in the first place, I haven't met one that hasn't made me cringe in some way. I'll try talking to him because maybe he can be salvaged in some way, he needs to know I'm not attracted to little boy behavior.
No. 482746
File: 1739120629921.jpg (86.66 KB, 1290x1217, 20240720_034358.jpg)
My gf is a pretty big geek and I feel like I tend to be a normie outside of reading yaoi and dabbling in OCs. She's in these large-scale group rps and have asked me if I want to join, but honestly that sounds awkward as fuck so I refused. She's made two huge friend groups recently because of this.
I have a history of being jealous and competitive with my gf's friends in the past (before they get boyfriends or are revealed to have some sort of fundamental incompatibility with her). I'm pretty chill 99% of the time, but I feel like I just turn into a monster the moment I think my "place" is threatened. I keep myself contained and separate from her new friends because I know that one day I'd flip my shit and either alienate them or have her break up with me. The issue is that she won't stop talking about them to me, and I'd feel bad telling her that idgaf and it's better off if I DON'T know about them. I can tell I'm getting worse again because I'm starting to have vivid dreams about me flying off the handle like I did years ago. Sometimes I just want to break it off and run into the woods so I don't have to deal with emotions and feel like a massive raging freak anymore. Maybe I just need therapy instead of lolcow.
No. 483063
>>483047I've found normies tend to judge their partners harshly if they aren't employed and successful, or at least on the same level as themselves. The whole 'high earning wagie moid with unemployed 4chan neet gf' is a silly fantasy. Successful men generally want successful women as partners, and even in the rare case they do get a lazy neet wife they usually end up cheating on her with the careerstacy from their job anyway.
Stop being a loser and you'll stop attracting loser men, also terminally online moids are always porn addicts and generally just relationship cancer, stay away.
No. 483078
>>483047It's possible but similar to what
>>483063 said you'll likely have to give something up, whether it's a standard for the man or something you have to better for yourself. My ex and I had hugely overlapping interests and he was one of the good ones but you couldn't take away the depression from him which impacted his ability to support me the way I wanted him to. It's unlikely you'll find the whole package in a terminally online man, they're terminally online for a reason. It's already hard enough to find a normie man with the full package kek
No. 483770
File: 1739307965563.jpg (97.96 KB, 960x939, Tumblr_l_275707069148729.jpg)
Nonnas how do I get my boyfriend to go on minoxidil??? He's said that he wants to but isn't sure where to start. Do I just buy it for him? The hair loss is getting so rough and it makes me so sad… and I feel bad pushing the issue because I know I'm a hypocrite, if he ever asked me to get on some medicine for appearance's sake I'd feel terrible. Then again I am not balding, maybe if I was balding I'd be more understanding
No. 483810
>>483770Just buy it for him. He will criticize your looks when you start to age as well if you plan on staying together for the long haul.
>>483774Personal punching bag?
No. 484082
Nonnas does this seem like a narcissist trying to wear me down? Met a moid and he instantly gave me a bad gut feeling but I brushed it off (like an idiot). We started talking and we had a lot in common like music, art, politics, TV/Film, values, similar life circumstances etc. The biggest thing though is that we have the exact same sense of humour and I was usually the only one to get all the things he was referencing. I really warmed up to him and it felt very easy and natural talking to him. He was always asking me pretty personal questions, really seemed to be getting to know me and everything I liked. Every time we talked he would reference something I had said previously. He remembered random facts about my family, little jokes I had made. He even would make references to things I have posted about online but never actually talked to him about. After a few weeks I felt like he pulled back hard and would get super nervous around me despite being easy to talk to before. He would still smile and give me this intense eye contact but would seem too anxious to approach. After a little bit of this I felt like there was a week where he got really close to another girl and started flirting with her a bunch. It escalated to a point where he very blatantly ignored me to focus on her. It was so weird my friend even picked up on it. I iced him out for awhile after that and eventually he started initiating with me again. I was friendly but still pissed. I talked some shit about him on a night out and the girl he had been flirting with clarified and said she never felt anything romantic between them. I also found out he had been on a few dates with some girl from a dating app. This pissed me off again but some of my friends said 2-3 dates isn’t really a big deal. A group of us went out one night and we all got super drunk and he flirted with me the entire night, and there was one point where we almost kissed. After that he became really attentive and started sending me a bunch of memes, checking in on me etc. He also hinted that he didn’t think it was going to work out with this other girl. I definitely started developing feelings for him at this point but I kept him at an arm’s length because of this other girl. I didn’t want to give an ultimatum because despite all the tension on paper we were still just friends and nothing romantic had actually happened. I also just feel like forcing moids to choose doesn’t work out in the long term and wanted to see if he was man enough to make the right choice. We go on winter break and talk the whole time, sending memes and being a little flirty but not too much. We come back to school and the first few days are fine, there’s a lot of tension but we hung out a bunch. That Friday comes and there’s a whole batch of new students that we meet. There ends up being one girl who all the guys become obsessed with obvious BPDemon He goes back and forth between her and I all night but my friends told me I was overreacting. At the end of the night not only do I find out he’s still dating that one girl, but he ends up walking this new girl home. I was so pissed I blocked him on everything. New two weeks I completely ignore him while he’s obviously trying to get my attention without asking me what happened. My friends tell me I overreacted and that I should’ve talked to him. We all go out and get drunk and I let my guard down and we flirt a bunch again. The next week I’m more open to him but I notice he tries to get my attention then goes and flirts with the BPD girl right in front of me. I confront him about what’s going on and we end up having a talk. He starts off saying he didn’t meant to flirt and had maybe thought about it a bit but he had a million reasons as to why he couldn’t date right now; afraid of bringing drama to school, has been codependent in the past and can’t do that again, has too many projects going on, etc. The first half of the conversation he really seemed to downplay his interest, but when I referred to the night we almost kissed and admitted my interest was real his tune changed. He had been feeling it, he wasn’t stupid and knew what was going on, he had been feeling it too but kept insisting he needed to focus on school. He said that I was cute and that he had felt like it could lead somewhere but he just couldn’t. Then he started telling me about how much he liked being around me, how he thought I was very smart and emotionally intelligent, that despite his friendly demeanour he didn’t really connect with people too often but felt like he connected with me, really admired me as a person and held me in high esteem, and that when I had been ignoring him for two weeks he had really missed talking to me. Then he told me about how he’s been in the ultimate situationship and barely has any time/energy for her and needs to end things. He then asked me what I thought of everything he had said (I let him do most of the talking kek) and I said that while I had thoughts he made it very clear why he didn’t want to go any further and that I wasn’t going to talk him out of his boundaries. Then he said “Yeah but I’m still open to hearing what you had to say”. All I told him in response was that all the things he was worried about weren’t inevitable and left it at that. I also told him that if this wasn’t going to progress then I needed space while at school. He said he would be very careful to respect my boundaries and wouldn’t bother me but IF i ever wanted to be friends again to please tell him and let him know. We were at a pub and he asked if we could sit and just talk about other things and I said no kek. We left and he asked for a hug and I said no again kek. My problem now is that it’s been TWO WEEKS since this conversation and he is still acting like a fucking weirdo. First week he was pulling the same shit again, not approaching me but sitting with my friends, trying to be in my line of sight, sitting closer to me than he ever has before, trying to catch my eye and giving me the same kind of lovey eye contact as before. But now he’s really ramped up flirting with the BPD girl. He flirts with her a bunch and has started getting her involved with his projects, which he never did with me. When he’s around her he makes sure to pretend I don’t exist. I’m a jealous person and I can’t hide my body language very well. I was seething at one point and his dumbass came up and asked me a question and when I was really short with him I think he got off on it. I also feel like this BPD bitch is an energy vampire since she’s constantly making her rounds with all the moods in the program while mostly ignoring the women. The first night we went out she was all over me about how beautiful I was but obviously fishing for compliments too. I have bangs and she kept telling me how good they looked on me but she was so ugly with them. I’m the only woman she really goes out of her way to interact with and I think she picked up that I liked this guy and is trying to usurp him. I feel like I’m going fucking crazy because all these signs are so subtle but my intuition is screaming at me that I’m an ideal target for him and he’s trying to wear me down since I haven’t chased him. My shitty dad was also a complete Narc and I’m very sensitive to these things. Too many things line up and so many of the things he’s done feel too calculated. I’ve done some stalking on my own and I look and act like a lot of the girls he follows, he makes sly comments about “ironically” wanting a manic pixie dream girl while “jokingly” calling me shit like Ramona Flowers. Whenever I’ve interacted with other moids or mention an ex he makes some small comment that’s obviously jealous. I feel like I’m his particular archetype of woman that he wants to break down. I feel fucking crazy because whenever I talk about what’s going on I just get the regular dismissive comments about how it’s probably not that deep, he’s a nice guy, he just wanted to flirt etc. I’ve been trying to hide it but I’m starting to exhibit the hysterical woman trope and I hate it. Everyone keeps telling me to ignore him but the more I ignore him the more he reels me back in. I even think his most recent haircut was too look more like my ex. I’ve told him to back off once and that hasn’t worked. What do I even do? This feels so much deeper than just annoying weird guy. I think I have a lot of qualities he wants/can tell my boundaries are fear based rather than real self esteem. It’s like he can smell the narcissistic damage on me. I don’t think he’s going to give up on me that easily and I feel like I’m in an emotionally dangerous position.
No. 484204
>>484107The only thing is I don’t know if he’d fully go for the BPD girl, I think she’s too normie. He definitely gets off on her attention but I think he wants something else from a main supply. I’m fairly certain I’ve found his situationship and obviously I can’t know for sure but she presents as an also chronically online, quiet intelligent type. Honestly she’s kinda homely looking and I think he enjoys being the more attractive one. I think he’s the covert type and definitely needs some type of intellectual stimulation from a supply and probably gets a lot more from being with the first girl than he says he does.
>>484198I don’t want to date him anymore I just need to know I’m not crazy.
No. 484264
>>484237Shy nerdy guys hate going outside so don’t expect any exciting date nights.
Most are terminally online which means porn addiction or they’ve seen porn and had a porn phase. Once the porno habits are ingrained in their brain, it has shaped their views on sex and they may close their eyes imagining the porno scenes in their head when you have sex. Just make sure you make intense eye contact and watch his eyes to see if he’s a PA when you’re having sex.
Shy nerdy guys are non confrontational and will expect you to handle customer service for refunds, returns, etc. If they are very shy and can’t even talk to the cashier or waiter, prepare to be his mouthpiece.
That said, if you have to make negotiations or offers on big purchases like a house or a car, expect you to do most of the talking. They’re too scared to stand their ground on haggling.
All in all, shy nerdy guys are easy to control because of their lack of backbone but you basically have to be a mother to him. Do what you will with this info.
No. 484305
>>484280ntayrt and yeah but from experience even if they deny it you tend to notice. Anyway, the classic advice is to behave like you're a cool girl who watches porn too then see how they react to this information. Pornsick moids love talking to women about the degenerate shits they are into given the opportunity. It works on all of them really. If you suspect anything and you aren't actually dating the guy yet / not too deeply involved, it works well to have this sort of conversation in a lighthearted, cool girl friend manner. You can just move on if they mention watching porn at all, it doesn't get better I think. Look at their social medias too (+ check online footprint as much as possible), if they follow ton of women, niche egirls etc, even if there is nothing sexual, it's a bad sign. Then there is the way they talk about women or people in general, pay attention to the vocabulary they use when they talk about sex/women. If you're dating/have sex, lack of sex/ED is a good sign that he is a PA, or if he asks you to do weird shits or do things that make you feel like he has seen that in porn, it's worth investigating a porn addiction too.
Ofc they can lie and you never know but, generally, if you suspect that something might be wrong with them, something is indeed extremely wrong.
No. 484306
>>484280emulating gross things he’s seen in porn like forcing you to swallow, completely skipping out on pleasuring you and going straight to jack hammering, ruffling your hair and saying “whos ur daddy” or some other lame cringe line while you give oral, boob fixation (like he’s sucking your nipples far more than rubbing your clitoris), anal fixation, other porn rot suggestions like threesomes or cuckholdry, expecting you to writhe and wiggle in pleasure and moan when really that only happens during orgasm/close to orgasm (at least for me).
Basically expecting you to be performative in sex and acting like a porn star. Also deep throating. Anything aggressive during sex and rapey. Spanking, choking, especially if he does it without your consent. Like if you’re into that, you call the shots and let him do that to you and let him know if he did it too hard. In my minds eye, vanilla gentle guys who are into sharing an intimate monogamous experience (intense eye contact, gentle touching, embracing, communication, touching every part of your body and not just tits and ass) arent PA compared to the aggressive rapey moids who are fixated on tits and ass and never the clitoris.
If you do missionary and he’s looking into your eyes instead of closing his eyes or staring off into the distance, it means he’s in the moment with you and not replaying porno scenes in is head.
If you live with your moid, keep a close eye on bathroom patterns. If he usually takes a dump + shower in a span of 30 mins, he’s most likely NOT jacking off secretly in the toilet. If he takes over an hour, he’s probably doing some suspicious activity in there (or constipated, but most moids do not suffer from constipation).
It sucks but if a man cums in you within 5 minutes, it means he doesn’t have death grip syndrome (can stay hard but can’t finish). Orgasming fast is usually a green flag and means they’re not cheating on you with pixels. Bonus points if the guy gets an erection just from making out with clothes on. Means he isn’t a PA most likely because 1) he’s not seeing a woman naked (visual stimuli is what gets the PA hard) 2) his dick works and 3) He’s attracted to you and in the moment with you (sensory pleasures instead of visual stimuli)
Red flag would be going soft easily when he’s in you or he can’t even get it up when you try your best to get it up. It means he’s either a PA, took some meds that messed with his dick, or he is gay kek
Lastly, if he surrounds himself with porn-positive people like gaymer moids who joke and say gross stuff like “bussy” and pick me women who support men watching porn because “everyone does it, even me!”
No. 484366
>>484280You're not gonna find a moid who doesn't regularly consume porn unless he lives in a remote commune in the Mongolian countryside or he's extremely obsessed with living a 'clean' lifestyle (in which case he'll be disciplined in other areas and very strict with dieting, exercise, limiting screen time, etc)
Aside from that, all men with connection to the internet regularly watch porn, at least a couple times a week. It's really naive to assume otherwise. From what I've seen, porn is the hardest habit for men to kick. Porn genuinely seems to be more difficult for men to avoid than drugs, alcohol and junk food combined. It's kind of crazy and sad how much their dicks control their lives.
No. 484422
>>484280I want to shill a podcast that did a recent episode on male porn addiction. I talked about one of the ladies' videos in the anti-porn thread here
>>481636 and they finally released the episode this week.
The discussion on the signs starts around 22:30 in vidrel and it's a pretty extensive list (and only part 1 kek). It's fucking crazy that women have to even think about these things because men are so awful. Also, I'm glad that the podcast ladies weren't moralfagging against snooping a guy's phone to find out.
No. 484455
>>481872Don't get the rog zephyrus. I got one two years ago and it's already going to shit. >It overheats like crazy, the factory thermal pasting is awful.
>It stutters like crazy playing any modern game.>The fans will sometimes start grinding randomly and require your to restart the computer. >eventually the fans broke totally and I had to learn how to manually replace them because no shop would touch it>The battery life went to shit and it can only last about 45 minutes unplugged while browsing.>wifi card/antenna can only pick up 2.4 ghz signal so you're going to have 90-110 ping even with a good internet plan unless you're physically plugged into the routerMaybe the newer models are better but I would try to find a different laptop.
No. 484596
>>484554I'm one of those schizos who uses private browsing for fear of being tracked even though my internet usage is quite innocent and normie-tier kek. But I guess this is one of those situations where double standards in favor of women apply
When I was seeing someone I was fiercely loyal and basically proceeded to live my life and make decisions like my significant other was sitting on my shoulder and seeing everything like Jiminy Cricket or something. I didn't want to do or look at anything that would make them feel insecure. Idk if I could trust a moid to act similarly and feel a bit hypocritical that I'd want open phone/device policy from him but feel anxious about my own privacy. Good thing I'm not going to get involved with anyone any time soon so I don't have to think about these things.
>>484585It's really scary what kind of imprint porn exposure that early has left them with. Especially the modern type, I think Gale Dines calls it like Gonzo porn or something. Some moidlet's first exposure to sex being extreme acts of violence and degradation of women. How could they be normal after that?
No. 484685
>>484670NTA, I'm not completely against waiting until marriage and have even considered it myself, but that anon is right. No matter how much communication there is, you can't know that your libidos will match up, or how you'll feel about things once you actually have sex. I'd say this is the single most important reason as to why it's a bad idea. One of the most common reasons for divorce is sexual incompatibility. I definitely wouldn't say it is a red flag in someone though, if anything it's the opposite, I just wouldn't say it's a good idea for most couples, nor does it even work usually, especially if living/sleeping together. Personally, I think that the best middle ground is to refrain from sex until you've discussed the future, have plans for marriage, know that you want to spend your life with this person, and can clearly tell that the relationship is working out well. Unless you're religious, I don't see any reason to wait until marriage instead of just doing this.
No. 484696
File: 1739484874547.jpeg (743.6 KB, 1179x1608, IMG_6851.jpeg)
>>484682Those kinds of scrotes aren't the kinds saving themselves for marriage.
>>484685>One of the most common reasons for divorce is sexual incompatibility.Google disagrees
>No matter how much communication there is, you can't know for sureI can't know for sure I won't get struck by lightning. Am I supposed to never go outside then? Nothing is perfectly certain, and there is a risk to all things.
No. 484712
>>484696You are in the advice thread, not the debate thread. Why are you just arguing against everything that everyone has to say? Clearly you've already made up your mind. Also, infidelity is often a result of sexual incompatibility. I said it was
one of the most common reasons, not
the most common reason. As the other anon said, Google AI is also very inaccurate, stop relying on it as a source.
>>484695What's wrong with that though? It means that you aren't legally binded if things don't work out, which is the main problem if you get married first.
No. 484717
>>484685>you can't know that your libidos will match upMatching libidos gets overrated in importance imo. Your libidos can match up 10/10 perfectly in the first year and then completely go two different ways when real life kicks back in and you're stressed about work or hormones are being funny or just from aging.
Anyway your posts makes no sense. You say matching libidos is important (which fine you don't have to agree with me) only to say you should wait to find out until you're already sure you want to spendd the rest of your life with that person? Talk about wasting time.
No. 484718
>>484712I'm not the first anon, and I'm offering advice and advising as the devil's advocate.
>infidelity is often a result of sexual incompatibilityMore likely it's due to emotional issues
>know that you want to spend your life with this person, and can clearly tell that the relationship is working out well>if things don't work outYou're contradicting yourself here
No. 484731
>>484717Of course it doesn't work for everyone, I'm not suggesting everyone should do this at all as it is a waste of time for most, but it's the closest and most reliable alternative for people who want to wait until marriage. I agree that libido changes over time, and have experienced this myself, but I think that most couples know that they plan on getting married before the engagement and wedding actually happens, so there should still be a decent time gap between beginning to have sex and marriage plans actually being put into action. I think this should give a reasonable amount of time to evaluate things sexually.
>>484718I'm not really contradicting myself, it's possible to feel that way but then things end up changing down the line due to whatever circumstances that could come up.
No. 484739
File: 1739488798264.jpg (72.85 KB, 1414x1283, ugued1c4xfj21-1462393462.jpg)
>>484736The other anons aren't projecting picrel
No. 484743
File: 1739489188938.jpg (86.94 KB, 427x500, 1a04b5f5b30536c302ce6bda5f85f8…)
>>484740Alright anon, you seem pretty committed to your cause. I'll leave you to it
No. 484769
>>484732No, I do think that there is point in getting married. What I'm disagreeing on you with is how much of a role sex plays in a relationship/marriage working out. It's a major part of most relationships so I think it's important to experience it and know that you're satisfied with eachother first before you legally commit. Of course divorces happen, it is always a risk, but I just think that the chances are lower if you have this figured out first.
>>484733It's an alternative because you will have spent a decent amount of time with your partner, made sure your future plans align, and then evaluated him to the point of knowing "I want to marry this person", before you have sex. Most couples will have it from the start before they are even properly familiar with eachother. If you are this worried though, then by all means wait until marriage if that's what you're most comfortable with. I just think there are also downsides to it. Personally, I'd rather have sex with someone who I'm in a committed relationship with and then get dumped, than wait to have sex with someone who I'm married to and then get divorced because we aren't sexually compatible.
>>484736My initial post was just me trying to give advice to the original anon, on the other hand it seems like you are here just to argue with anything that I have to say, unless I am mistaken and you did also give a response to her question.
Anyway, I think we are deviating from the original anon's post and turning this into something else entirely. Unless she has also been participating in this discussion, taking it this much further than her initial question is pointless.
No. 484772
>>484768Anon's question pertains to guys who ACT chastely, not just SAY they are
>>484766>And how do you plan on telling the difference?The same way you can tell if a moid is cheating on you.
No. 484783
>>484769>the chances are lower if you have this figured out first.The chances of divorce are lower because the chances of breaking up before marriage is higher. But the chances of one-lifetime sexual partner is highest by waiting until marriage.
>It's an alternative because you will have spent a decent amount of time with your partnerWhat's a decent amount of time? Three years? Five? Some couples get married after a couple months. Time is not the deciding factor. The law is the thing. Without the law, your moid can and will dump you at any time for any reason for free. In your "sex after a decent amount of time", he's put nothing on the line, so to speak, and that's what makes it closer to "sex from the start" than to "sex after marriage".
No. 484800
>>484792>The only person who has the advantage if you wait until marriage for sex, is the moidThen why is it that moids always want to have one night stands and visit prostitutes, and are the ones pressuring you to put out?
>>484791>no straight woman who had sex with their partner before marriage would be married to them kek.That is 99% true though. Most straight women won't marry most of their sexual partners.
No. 484830
>>484800>Then why is it that moids always want to have one night stands and visit prostitutes, and are the ones pressuring you to put out?Because they're more likely to be unskilled sexually or have a shrimp dick like anon says
>>484777. If you're having trouble competing with a prostitute or drunk post-menopausal barfly then waiting til marriage is a good idea. Moids are dumb but they can tell one object apart from another
No. 484833
>>484830>they're more likely to be unskilled sexuallyYou're putting the cart before the horse. Obviously it's that someone who chooses to wait until marriage will be less skillful at sex, not the other way around.
>If you're having trouble competing with a prostitute or drunk post-menopausal barfly then waiting til marriage is a good idea.Do you know how hard it is to find a moid who never had a hookup?
No. 484834
>>484833I don't believe the moid will be waiting until marriage because that is so unlikely to be true or really happening
>Do you know how hard it is to find a moid who never had a hookup?Almost impossible?
No. 484835
>>484834Yeah, so that's why you're in competition with nightclub thots and prostitutes, because moids are likely to choose them over you.
>that is so unlikely to be true or really happeningBut what if it were true? That's what nona was asking.
No. 484854
>>484851>you're dumb enough to believe a moid when he tells you he's waiting until marriageIf all moids are liars lying all the time, then what's the point of getting in a relationship with one? What are you doing in this thread?
>I think you are just lonely or somethingI think you want me to get pumped and dumped because misery loves company
No. 484867
File: 1739500103574.png (104.86 KB, 633x467, male-virginity-gss-2018.png)
>>484833Kek wtf are you talking about, there are a shit ton of moids who are still virgins, in fact it is only becoming more and more common as the years go by. A good chunk of men nowadays are too socially inept aroud women to even land a hookup, regardless of if they wanted to have one. It really isn't as common as you seem to think. The problem isn't a lack of men who are virgins, but rather a lack of men who haven't been brainrotted by porn.
No. 484868
>>484860>Divorced moidsno reason to lie
>Married moidShe's my first partner!
>Models include measures of adolescent beliefs and values, religious background, and personal characteristics, as well as approximate number of premarital sexual partners in young adulthood. We find the relationship between premarital sex and divorce is highly significant and robust even when accounting for early-life factors. Compared to people with no premarital partners other than eventual spouses, those with nine or more partners exhibit the highest divorce risk, followed by those with one to eight partners. There is no evidence of gender differences. No. 484869
>>484867Yeah, but what about moids purposely saving themselves for marriage, not because they're too "socially inept"?
>>484868What's your point?
No. 484886
>>484763KEK.
>>484854It's not that all moids are liars, it's that moids who do the saving until marriage thing specifically are gutter trash tier men and women rebuke your propaganda
No. 484887
Apologies for repeatedly deleting my last post, I kept thinking of things I wanted to add/change
>>484875>it's better to find a moid who was raised well and knows how to act on a dateI agree, I'm just saying this to the anons who are intent on dating virgins.
>Then you're the weird old lady helped them lose their virginity before they go off and experience sex with women their own age.Not all of us are late 20s though, I'd say most anons here are in the range of teens - mid 20s. An age gap of a few years doesn't make much of a difference. I agree that this would likely be the case for those who are in their late 20s or older however.
>They'll just get hookersThe most common demographic for hookers is older married men, even most self proclaimed incels don't hire them despite how obsessed they are over not having experienced sex. I can see where you're coming from, but realistically I don't think this will be that common among younger men. They just don't view it the same way as actually being able to pursue a woman, and would rather stick with porn while they wait for the possibility that someone will come along. I think it's mainly once virgin men hit their 30s that they lose hope and actually start to consider that stuff.
No. 485077
>>485046Has it ever ocurred to you that the "honeymoon period" is a false fantasy created by novelty, and isn't true love, and that there are people who instead wait until the period is over to realize their true feelings before they go further?
>>485059Why would sex addicted degenerate coomers and gooners want to wait until marriage?
No. 485087
>>485059I read a story from a woman who waited for religious reasons only to find out her husband has a small dick and can't fuck, and actually she's an adventurous freak
sad, but she divorced him over this and went on to have a fun sex filled life lol
No. 485121
>>485099fucking random women is more honourable than watching porn because it actually requires the moid to put in effort
meanwhile any 500lb unwashed hamplanet moid with halitosis can simulate a harem with porn
No. 485214
File: 1739566989093.gif (547.31 KB, 165x207, stan-twitter-nurse-britney.gif)
getting a job and finally having something to do and people to talk to made me realize i didn't even like this moid all that much, i was just bored
No. 485662
>>485494he's not like that, he's very sweet but just made off-handed comments about women I took to heart. the tardrage I cannot stand and also he's super complacent and will not work on himself even though he's unhappy.
he came to bed this morning crying and asked me to take him back and give him one more chance but I told him I'm done. I've given him one more chance 5 times at least. idk. I don't see a future with him where I don't feel like I'm looking after a giant manbaby and I don't have the headspace for that rn
No. 486122
>>486110yeah i wish i didnt entertain this kind of behavior but they love to only tell me once ive already started to become interested in them.
Id love to get to know a guy as friends first as well but my friend circle is mostly women, so i dont know where to find guys other than dating apps
>>486120yes i know that i should drop them and i have dropped men like this before, i just hate that (almost) every man ive gotten close with has turned out like this. Im not even really mad that it happened with the newest guy, im mad that it seems to be a pattern i cant break out of. It just sucks, that im never the woman being pined after.
Thank you for empathizing, though.
No. 486184
File: 1739726536243.png (326.26 KB, 1000x1000, 1733100065201.png)
>>486107Don't date used goods
No. 486319
>>486292I think they might just be my type? I like nerdy (submissive) guys. I'm also in my early twenties where its not that rare for men to still be virgins. Most of them were probably just virgins because they were to scared to talk to a woman lol. But honestly i dont understand why you would want a virgin. Theyre just as bad as other men AND also more likely to be shit in bed
>>486252I do feel like irs partly my fault because i keep attracting this type of guy and im holding onto hope that there are well-adjusted ones out there that i could be attracting instead.And yeah it'd be nice if they just wouldnt tell me but if i act jealous ill immediately get dropped i think. I live in a very lib country, where they basically assume youre satan if you arent cool with them keeping all their hookups around as friends.
No. 486324
>>486321Nta but this sounds like incel logic that men use against women all the time.
I get not wanting a guy who's slept with a dozen of women because that absolutely signals something about commitment issues and/or the way he views women but a virgin guy isn't superior for no other reason than his virginity. Especially in this day and age when a lot of guys are virgins because they lack social skills and rot behind their screens.
No. 486326
My boyfriend is taking psych meds and is horrible when he's off them. The problem is the meds make sex really awful, it lasts forever and I end up hurt by the end. I miss having quickie sex because it didn't cause pain and dryness from just going on forever. I don't want him off the meds though, he's really unlikable without treatment. I don't want to ask him to switch meds, his doctors don't care and he'll just stop taking them altogether like the last time we tried to fix the sex problems.
Should I just dump him over this? I hate the idea of leaving someone because they are mentally ill and need treatment, but the sex is just so so bad. Also he's bad at sex in general, last time we had sex he tried to rub my vulva and kept rubbing above my pubic hair, like he thinks my vulva is where a dick should be but even higher up. I'm at my wits end. I feel shallow and honestly I have my own mental health issues so it's not like I'm a catch either. Should I just start over with someone new? Nothing I've said has fixed the sex problems. I gave up on giving him advice and usually just stop him when it's bad and try to get it over with. He does not take any advice or change anything to make sex better. I feel like I'm fucking him just to keep him around and like it's not good for me, I've been missing the sex I had with my ex and I hate him.
The pros in the relationship are he seems attracted to me, he pays for some shit for me, he used to be good looking, I can boss him around to a certain degree, he puts up with my PMDD (it's like intense PMS but with suicidal ideation and big freak outs).
No. 486339
>>486327well then tell us the other reasons nonna.
I would personally rather have a water bottle that i know will quench my thirst rather then still being dehydrated after to use your analogy
No. 486364
>>486361Where did I say they weren’t kek? It’s exactly that, they’re no different.
You sound like a retard my dear.
No. 486366
File: 1739740382189.webp (18.86 KB, 651x463, IMG_1372.webp)
>>486326>My boyfriend is taking psych meds and is horrible when he's off them.I didn’t even need to read your post
No. 486378
File: 1739741148633.png (285.64 KB, 1089x574, Bell Curve Virgin.png)
>>486341>the worst person I dated was a virginConsult the graph
No. 486517
File: 1739761897950.jpg (115.91 KB, 1600x1600, 61nt0S48oAL.jpg)
>>486455you're stronger than me because this behavior would make me lose all attraction and break up tbh. Leaving around empty containers of YOUR food, trying to shame you in front of others, not caring at all about how his habits are negatively affecting you is insane. He sounds like a petulant manchild piggy. If for some reason you want to put up with living with a human garbage disposal get some of those lockable food boxes. If he complains tell him to buy his own food to binge kek
No. 486521
>>486462Nonna, he's a moid, he can't be "kinda fat" he's a fat fat fatty fat fat that needs to go eat a salad made with ingredients he buys himself. Like, the fact that he's a moid and still "kinda fat" only shows that he's an absolute retarded waste of space and resources that will never show any kind of restraint in his ugly ass life.
Drop that fucker and be happy, you don't need a fatty retard.
No. 486746
File: 1739823934786.jpg (57.68 KB, 720x555, 97c7829049c6edc315f6f7ad2c4804…)
I told this moid "you can text me anytime" and it's been 4 days without any texts. I'm almost always the one who texts first. Is he just not that into me or is this some kind of weird power play (new relationship, we met online but plan to meet up when we aren't both busy)?
No. 486860
>>486858Honestly even a
secret/dummy instagram account is better than proudly showing your friends and family you're an absolute coomer with face blindness and retarded physical expectations
No. 487227
I love my boyfriend and he is the perfect man in every way. He is attentive, loving, kind, same values, he doesn't watch porn, hard worker, we have never fought, he shares my hobbies and he views me as his muse. We have been together 2.5 years and my family loves him. My grandma views him as her own grandson. But we have poor sexual compatibility and lately I've lost sexual attraction to him because of it. He struggles with feeling good enough sexually, and because of that, well he is right. Self fulfilling prophecy. Sex is bad and just going through the motion, there is no foreplay or teasing. I dont feel desired, even though I know he does desire me. He is happy to get me off, but it never feels like he wants to have sex with me because he wants it. Its like we are roommates who are best friends, not lovers. We used to have a lot of sex in the beginning, but it felt like we only had it because I wanted to. And now I feel myself dread the thought of having sex with him anymore, or kissing him or even hugging him. What the fuck do I do? Do I throw away the perfect man because of one issue? Or do I just satiate myself with a vibrator and hug the dog to fulfill my need for affection? I've been honest with him about it and that just made it worse, now he is sad and wants me to find better than him, but I doubt that exists in any way but sexual. I' just scared of throwing away an otherwise great partnership over sex and attraction.
No. 487246
>>486184>Don't date used goodsNot all of us are virgins.
I fucked one man. So I would be fine with dating non virgin male (1/2 body count).
No. 487269
>>487255Yeah, I have no idea and neither does he.
>>487267How I am supposed to not get the ick when having sex with someone who isn't mentally there? I'm not a guy who is happy to have sex while my wife thinks of England, the connection is equally important to me.
No. 487734
>>4874742nd AYRT, but sorry anon, this sounds like he just isn't really attracted to you for whatever reason. Not finding any obvious evidence for porn consumption means nothing, because they do it while you are sleeping or away for work or school or whatever you do. It's not like you spend 100% of your time awake and together. The self esteem excuse is bullshit, because if you've been with a person for years, you should feel comfortable and confident enough not to lose your boner while you are having sex.
Going to blog for a bit, tell me if this sounds like what you are experiencing: My ex gave the exact same excuse about "getting into his head" when he was unable to keep an erection or cum, and like I said, he turned out to be gay (well, bisexual according to him back then, but with a STRONG leaning towards men). Our sex life in the very beginning was also fairly normal, then steadily declined until he didn't want to do it at all anymore about 4 years into the relationship, so basically when he finally figured out he isn't really into women kek. He also didn't enjoy eating me out because it was "intimidating" and he was "worried about doing something wrong", and while he would touch my pussy (but usually only if I asked him to), I could always tell he was turned off by it in some type of way because of how robotically he was doing it. He never got off on my pleasure, and he never moaned, touched himself or humped the leg or my bed or something while fingering or using a vibrator on me. He never complimented my body in a horny or sexual way, and after around the one year mark, we never sexted or flirted or talked about how much we want each other, even when apart for a longer period of time. Our sex life consisted of missionary, doggy, and sometimes me being on top, no other positions, and he would usually have his eyes closed or face in my neck. No passion or adventurousness whatsoever, and the only time we ever kissed was before or during sex. He never initiated sex because, again, muh low self esteem.
I stayed with him for that long for the exact same reasons as you - he was a decent guy and we got along great most of the time, but in hindsight, he didn't ever love me romantically. The difference in being with a guy like that vs being with someone who is actually attracted to you and carnally obsessed with your body is night and day. Being compatible sexually and also emotionally isn't an either/or situation, you can definitely have both. Do yourself and him a favor and break up.
No. 488345
File: 1740097858391.jpg (1013.37 KB, 1080x1466, Screenshot_20250204_124329.jpg)
If applies, how did you get your bf back after a breakup? Mine was one of the good ones and I say this as a misandrist who doesn't tolerate any sort of goonery, i need him back.. He broke up with me because of my suicidality caused by abusive family, we couldn't move in together because neither of us have savings and live with parents
No. 488403
>>484237As someone who has an off and on thing with a nerdy guy, I don't recommend it. Like yeah he's cute especially when nerding out about his hobbies and wanting to stay in for a cozy movie night but he's definitely been way too sexual recently…
I still remember he told me he barely watches porn but then I found out he watches and reads a lot of hentai instead.
No. 488476
>>488403dating dozens of nerds has shown me how boring they really are
it's really not interesting watching rick and morty together for the 5000th time or watching him play blazeblue as a girl for hours
No. 488561
>>488412I mean you haven't really given us any material to answer.
Do you go out outside of work?
Is he friendly just with you or other people?
Do you text outside of working hours?
How big is your workplace?
What position do you and does he have?
No. 488615
File: 1740152531657.jpg (190.42 KB, 1000x1000, ASTARTE.jpg)
i am old and never had a bf. Talking to a guy with similar interests right now but he types kinda childlike/retarded eventhough he is older than me and from the first convo he comes of really lovey dovey/clingy if you get what i am describing. How do i know if he is too retarded to date ?
No. 489261
>>488561Neither of us have much free time outside of work, but we carpool every day and hang out whenever we get a chance. We used to hang out for hours daily, but had to give that up. Most of our leisure time together is online playing games. He's not a big people-person, but not rude or anything, so being his friend, I'm the only person he's really close to at work. It's a mid-sized company and he's a little lower on the totem pole because he can't network, but is too talented to be ignored. We're in different streams, really, because he never wants to work in management, just the hard science side of things.
>>488616I do plan on waiting a while, but the last 3 years have gone by so quickly with no tangible change or benefit to my life. I'm kind frightened of just wasting my time on relationships that don't get me any closer to having a family because I'm trying to mould partners to want the same thing. I have in front of me a guy who I've known for years through thick and thin and who wants the same things as me already. I know it's just an emotional response and I really am trying to stop myself from rushing into it.
>>489139Why exactly? Just the chance that the relationship ends and you're stuck with a jilted lover in the workplace and it makes things awkward/difficult?
No. 489418
I really don't know what's normal when it comes to speaking to a new guy. For me, when I genuinely find a guy cute and endearing, I am excited to wake up the next day and text him, possibly facetime him, etc. The prospect of this guy becoming my partner is very exciting and getting to know them is as well. I am speaking to a guy who is unbelievably kind and respectful to me, and he texts me once or twice a day. The first day we texted it was constant, and that has already died (usually men keep it going for a few days before their energy begins to dwindle). To me, it takes two seconds to respond to someone, so why have I been left on read for 6 hours? I just posted a story on IG and he looked at it and responded with the clapping emoji. I don't get it. No one is off of their phone for over an hour. I get some days are busy, but if you like someone surely you'd find time or would care enough to give them a head's up? The worst man I ever spoke to worked a really demanding job and still texted me regularly and still gave me a head's up when he knew he wouldn't be able to. I don't speak to my best friend every day, hell barely at all outside of actual meet ups, but I feel like romantic relationships are different. Not sure if I'm being clingy and entitled, or if this is a sign he's not that interested. We've only been speaking since Sunday.