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No. 418013

Previous thread: >>>/g/399516

No. 418014

>talking to my nigel
>feeling good, pleasant interaction
>Retroactive Jealousy+ pack download initiated
>brain instantly starts running mental checklist of all the things he's done to upset me, piss me off or make me feel jealous, ever
>day ruined
>interactions with nigel for the next few days tainted
>feel depressed/anxious sick/pit in stomach feeling whenever we talk after that until I gaslight myself into thinking 'it wasn't really a big deal' and feel okay again for a few days
>cycle repeats itself
Holy fuck I exhaust myself. How do I calm the fuck down and stop torturing myself with these thoughts. He hasn't even done anything that bad like cheating or being abusive towards me or something.

No. 418019

>>418014
>He hasn't even done anything that bad like cheating or being abusive towards me or something.
He doesn't need to cheat or abuse you to still make you unhappy. You even say you're gaslighting yourself. What are some examples of things you've gotten upset about? I guarantee you it's not your fault and he is likely a retard and not right for you.

No. 418107

Guy I’ve been seeing the past while has a close female “friend”. Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this before?
They are family friends and went to school together from the ages like 5-18. They still keep in touch every second day or so sending eachother memes etc, and they meet up weekly to watch the game of thrones prequel show. He has been seemingly pretty open about the whole thing and is aware of how it might look from an outside perspective, and assures me that nothing has ever gone on between them in the past. He’s offered me to go through there texts, but I didn’t take him up on the offer as it wouldn’t really prove anything -particularly if he is actively offering.
I’ve never really dealt with this whole close female friend thing that they meet one on one before.
What’s going on? Is he secretly in love with her? Am I getting cucked? Or am I just paranoid? She is pretty cute and I saw on her Instagram that she used to be super hot in college. She seems friendly whenever I’ve met her, there was no underlying cattiness or possessiveness, she isn’t like super touchy with him or anything

No. 418118

>>418107
>He’s offered me to go through there texts
I think hes fine nona. The girl might be just not his type even if she is pretty. If the moid is of a satisfactionary quality to you and nothing else is bothering you then you should keep him around. Dont worry too much, you can always find a new one if he starts paying too much attention to his female friends.

No. 418121

A lot of yalls problem stems from worrying too much. Just dont give too much of a shit about the moids, they will only want you more. And if they dont, fuck em.

No. 418136

>>418107
Been through something similar. My ex's best friend was another girl and it ended up ruining our relationship. He would often prioritize her over me and when I would call him to hang out he would be with her or doing something for her. It felt like she was using him as a surrogate boyfriend. He swore blind that there were no feelings there and told me I was controlling when I asked him to stop hanging out with her. My suspicions were confirmed when he added me to a group chat with his male friend and I scrolled up at older messages and found a conversation where he admitted he was sexually attracted to her and would sleep with her if she offered while he was with me, that he'd 'forgotten' he sent - to this day I still think he did it on purpose just to fuck with my head. With men they always wanna fuck their female friends, you cannot trust them.

No. 418140

>>418121
This. You can always choose peace.

No. 418153

>>418107
I've been in this situation and it obviously came out eventually that they were just in a toxic on/off fwb situation for nearly a decade. My ex would always reassure me that his female friend had a boyfriend so obviously nothing would ever happen and I was a bit suspicious but I went along with it for way too long. Female friends are one thing but if it's someone that he's closer to than literally anyone else that's a huge red flag.

No. 418179

>>418014
>brain instantly starts running mental checklist of all the things he's done to upset me, piss me off or make me feel jealous, ever
What are those things? If they are bothering you then you need to think about why. There are plenty of bad things people can do in a relationship beyond being abusive and cheating.

No. 418204

how big of a red flag is it if the guy I am crushing on is a coomer who watches destiny and keemstar streams, nonnas?

No. 418206

>>418204
I stopped at coomer. And you should too.

No. 418207

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>>418204
this big

No. 418208

>>418206
>>418207
damn, that bad? even if he’s really really nice to me and we have a lot of fun together even if we’re just doing nothing

No. 418229

>>418204
This has to be bait…

No. 418241

>>418208
If you really have to, keep hanging out but don't play into and hype up the crush in your own mind. Don't let his actual behavior get obscured by how big and fuzzy your feelings are. You're literally walking into danger if you don't keep a grip on reality.

No. 418243

Clowned myself but I am trying to proceed with caution here for good reason.
>manager with multiple accounts, get assigned one out of state
>tend to have a boytoy at every account
>find a good one thru dating app
>see his ~*~potential~*~ and shared interests even tho he is a broke mediocre artist
>hindsight…lol he is just tall with big dick and would be better if he went to the gym
>we hit off anyway, he makes an effort to come to my state once but he is broke
>feel bad for his situation, offer him a supervisor job at the account
>months of amazing sex whenever I am there, good company for dinners, I hang out with his friends, he serves as my informant during work hours and nobody fucks with me while he is around cause he is intimidating
>he wants the relationship title, I make an excuse that it is too professionally risky
>he changes his status on his socials anyway
>truthfully, he still needed to improve himself before I would give him a title
>whenever I am in town I find myself spending money on us i.e. dinners which I don't half care about bc it goes on my corpo card, shit for his hovel so I don't have to suffer like new bedsheets
>cope by telling myself I am saving my company the hotel monies
>his car breaks down
>then I am driving him when I am in town too
>he shows me a car he is interested in but needs to beg his dad to co-sign for loan approval
>not very impressed with his lack of willing to work OT even though I am practically giving it to him
>he'd make $33/hr if he would…
>additionally he is a gamer which is cringe
>found his reddit account and while it was not recent he did post on big tiddy gawf porn subs before
>notice our sex is tapering off with most recent visits, can't put my finger in why
>last visit we did not fuck, it went like this:
>felt a lot of pressure from work during my last visit, combined with a financial hit that I did not expect
>confided in him about my feelings, expressed vulnerability
>he didn't do fucking shit and barely got out a response which wasn't even decent
>didn't cuddle me in bed even though I asked, stayed up playing video games until I fell asleep
>drove him to work the next morning, I was upset because it was my final time at the account for the foreseeable future
>he is acting distant yet like things are normal even though I am clearly upset
>drop him off, he doesn't kiss me and uses the excuse that we were at the worksite to give me a pathetic shoulder bump, as if he couldn't have kissed earlier
>checked his socials later and he reposted some dumb goth thirst trap
>it's been almost two weeks and I only called him once about something work related yesterday
>at the end of the call "You should text me…"
>haven't texted him, waiting for him to show any initiative and it looks like it won't happen
I want to move on since other, more worthy men are hitting me up. Should I just ignore until I let it die? I don't want to nastily confront him or make him vengeful because of his relation to my job and he may retaliate for all I know. I was just gonna let his coombrain fester until he "dumps" me lmao.

No. 418246

I'm both dreading and looking forward to meeting moids, but I have been having trouble. The ones I work with are undesirable or taken. The men who approach me suck. Anyone have advice?

No. 418252

>>418243
Uh yeah just move on to better. This dude is very un-masculine despite his dick and height, and you shouldn't have subsidized that. You can send him a short unemotional text if you want or just ignore him. Just don't reply or get baited into replying.

No. 418289

nonas who had e-relationships and met up with your nigel for the first time irl after talking online, were your experiences good or bad? im scared of ldrs in case the guy turns out to be a psycho, looks really different irl, smells really bad etc. I'd like to hear your experiences.

No. 418293

>>418243
Did you post this before in a different thread? Feels like deja vu reading this. Anyway, the answer to "can't put my finger in why" is simple. He's a porn-addict that used you for sex, free meals, and an easy job. There is no chase for him, you gave him all he wanted on a silver platter. He has all he needs, and the fact that you didn't agree to a definite relationship status most likely caused him to pull away from you. Your mistake was giving him a job at the company as you fawned over him with these gifts and sex for his companionship. He's a broke loser at his core, you just cleaned him up a little. The best thing you can do is equally pull away and only talk business with him from now on.

No. 418307

How do moids react to reading bl manga? I never told any guy but I feel like I should in my next relationship. Or is it a bad idea?
Would asking a guy to not watch porn mean I should stop reading bl even though I read it for different reasons?

No. 418309

>>418307
I guess it depends on the moid? Some might be weirded out by it but still accept it. I've read nonnies mentioning their boyfriends reading it with them lol.

No. 418310

>>418307
most men find whatever sexual hobby you're into hot as long as it doesn't involve other real men

No. 418313

>>418289
not myself but I did have a friend who met a moid online (through YouTube of all places lol) and they met up and it went very well and they were both attracted to each other irl, they got married and are still married 5 years later, so I think it can work, you have to be 100% honest with each other though, and also be willing to meet up within a year max

No. 418316

>>418307
this nona
>>418310
is correct most men find whatever a woman gets off to and masturbates to hot. sometimes even stuff involving other men. males are very sexually malleable you can basically convince them to try anything as long as you emphasize how horny it makes you kek

No. 418325

>>418310
>>418316
What about the porn stuff? My previous partner was a porn addict and ruined my confidence with his comparisons and demands but I don't know how asking a guy to not watch porn would work if I wanted to keep reading bl.. doesn't seem entirely fair on the surface but I don't read bl for the same reasons men watch porn, but I'm worried it would be hard to explain.

No. 418448

>>418325
It doesn't really matter if you read BL or not. In all honesty, even if you tell a guy to quit, he will just be more secretive and crafty about hiding it behind your back. This is what seems to be the case for plenty of women. Read your BL in peace, this hypothetical guy isn't going to fly off the rails. You're not reading it for the same reasons they are, like you mentioned.

No. 418495

>>418307
my husband doesn't care. it's funny to try to explain omegaverse to him (his opinion after listening to me is "that's some secret furry shit" which I found to be an interesting response)

No. 418509

>>418309
>>418310
>>418316
>>418448
>>418495
thanks nonnas I feel more at peace with my depravity now

No. 418674

my husband is a few months into a 6 month deployment and has asked for a picture of me exactly one(1) time. And he asked for it to be a picture with the dog because she had a health scare. That's it. No requests for nudes, or even just to see my face.
This happened on his last deployment too and I found out he was trying to get nudes from some russian bitch instead.
I genuinely don't think he's being unfaithful this time
but like, what??? I understand he's in a shitty, stressful situation but wouldn't a man whose going without sex for months at least want some lewd pics from his partner? I ask for pics of him all the time. Am I overreacting?

No. 418681

>>418674
>dating a military moid
>still dating a military moid after finding out he was soliciting photos from some Russian woman
>don't think he's being unfaithful this time
You don't have to think hard on this one, nonnie. He's probably keeping his degeneracy and carnal desires separate from his "true love" which is you. He has to be fulfilling his needs elsewhere, which is why he isn't asking you for any photos. Why don't you ask him if it's bothering you so much?

No. 418682

>>418674
>going without sex for months
That’s what you think.

No. 418685

>>418681
I haven't asked him directly about why he doesn't ask for pictures, but I have asked if he's fucking around with other women. The reason I think he's being faithful is that the last time this happened he was honest with me when I asked. Plus I frankly don't think he has the time to talk to other women, everything has been chaotic and awful for him this time around. I do want to bring up his lack of requesting pictures but I also don't want to make him more miserable than he already is
I know he still jacks off and he looks at porn for that, but I think that's it.

No. 418687

>>418674
Oh sweet summer child

No. 418688

>>418685
>I know he still jacks off and he looks at porn for that, but I think that's it.
This is what I was alluding to. He doesn't need your photos when he has hundreds of thousands of various photos and videos of women to please his specific desires instead. Maybe if he was smitten with you, he'd be begging and flirting to have some photos, but it looks like he's going the easy route of porn if not visiting other actual women.

No. 418692

>>418688
Yeah you're totally right. I guess I was being overly optimistic and thinking he'd still wanna see me because you know, I'm his wife and all. But it was dumb of me to think his brain could work like that.
Thanks for talking some sense into me, nonna

No. 418737

Reminder there's a porn related relationship issues thread already on the log, please don't make this whole thread about porn related issues.

No. 418739

>>418692
Are you really gonna stay with this guy? He sounds like an asshole.

No. 418772

>>418289
he can't look too different if you facetime also make sure you're attracted to him over the internet beforehand. meet up somewhere there's other people.

>>418325
you don't have to explain yourself to men, who cares what they think. completely fine to not want to date a guy who watches porn

No. 419197

Okay so I'm kinda unhinged due to pregnancy hormones but also I gaslight myself so I desperately need a outsider perspective. We have communication problems and I'm definitely at big fault but I also need a certain environment to open up. This, hormones and other stress has caused me to build up and eventually I can't just hold it in anymore and end up blowing up. Happened this morning. I admit it's not very productive state of mind, I was crying and very frustrated. I'm not mean or yell though so it's not like I can't control myself at all. My bfs response however made me super uncomfortable. I really think I had a legit point but it's not even about that. He always reacts like "you are too crazy for us to have this conversation", "sounds like this is a problem in your head" etc. I know he is partially right but is it unreasonable to expect him to maybe atleast word it differently? Like "baby hey, we need to calm down so I can listen but that's not how I feel at all". I can't even explain anymore why I feel so shitty and completely turned in. Also why the fuck is it so hard to grow up emotionally and be a normal person. I'm trying tho.

No. 419220

>>419197
he's a dick. if his response when you get upset is to tell you that you're crazy then frankly i'm not surprised you bottle your feelings up until you explode out of sheer frustration. he clearly doesn't want to discuss whatever the issue is and would rather be dismissive of you instead.

No. 419229

>>419197
yeah bf could have been kinder with his words even if you did blow up at him. his disrespectful way of dismissing the conversation is not what you should expect from someone who really cared for you. the stress of a baby and taking care of it combined with your bf's uncaring behavior is not good for you and the baby in the future. communication takes two and from what you said he doesn't want to resolve issues if he just ignore them and blame it on you. if you have to gaslight yourself then it doesn't seem to be as good of a relationship that you deserve.

No. 419260

>>419220
>>419229
You were on point he was 100% being dismissive because he felt insecure about the problem. I have been shocked how selfish and insecure pregnancy made him and I'm honestly worried he won't handle the baby being born. We had a bigger fall out and he is now sulking somewhere and expecting ME to care for him when I was the one upset with HIS behaviour. I guess he just wants a mom for himself and not for his child.

I don't gaslight myself for him but rather because my past experiences and not particularly in relationships. It's not so easy to stop and it's hard to trust myself sometimes.

No. 419326

I often catch my bf staring at teenage girls when we are outside and it makes me uncomfortable. He doesnt do it super obviously and he isnt intentionally trying to hurt me, but if there isa young girl in leggings or shorts I catch his eyes staring at their bodies. I went on reddit to ask about this and they said its just normal moid behavior and that as long as he isnt acting on it theres nothing I can do and that any other moid I date would be the same?

No. 419328

>>419326
Very obviously check out Chads in front of him when you're outside until he gets the hint.

No. 419333

>>419328
That only changes his behaviour not his desires, it's asking yourself to be fooled.

No. 419336

>>419326
girl he's a ticking time bomb leave him

No. 419341

>>419326
Boyfriends should have more respect for their girlfriends, especially when they're in their presence. It's gross that he openly stares at them when you're next to him. They clearly interest him, but he shouldn't be gawking like that. What would you like to do about it? Do you want to confront him?

No. 419347

>>419333
OK so what's the alternative? Apart from breaking up, anything else like talking about your feelings to your bf will also just change his behavior, not desires.

No. 419348

>>419326
How young exactly?

No. 419352

So I recently broke up with my bf (like 2 weeks) and there's a friend I've liked for many years before meeting my now ex. He's very nice to me, is calm, studies hard and has a healthy social life (also respects me even when we don't agree). We always were good friends although we had quite long periods of not talking (we're both at uni). What happened is that since I broke up with my boyfriend I started to get these feelings for him again. The problem is that we've broken up a few weeks ago, and I don't feel like it'd be a good idea in any way to get in another relationship so quickly.
I guess my strongest fear now is that my feelings came back because I'm afraid of being single. At least consciously speaking I don't think like this nor want necessary to be her girlfriend yet, but is it normal to get feelings back for someone so quickly after a break up?

No. 419353

>>419326
> Staring at teenage girls
Leave after cucking him.

No. 419357

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Is there an actual reason why when I find out someone I like does like me back I start losing feelings? And these feelings were genuine, not only sexual or because I crave their attention. I don't know why but after finding out my feelings are reciprocated I start thinking things like 'well he probably does X thing, which I can't tolerate in a relationship', 'he's not as good looking as I thought', 'I dislike the idea of seeing him like a boyfriend'. I hate feeling like this, I want to be normal and actually get happy when the 1 in a 1000 chance of someone liking me back becomes real. Fml

No. 419359

>>419357
Usually these issues are caused by poor parenting. Try to reflect on your relationship with your parents and see if they weren't available emotionally or otherwise

No. 419360

>>419357
you probably have self loathing so you view anyone who likes you as beneath you
or you have a fear of intimacy and dont actually want to have a realistic shot with anyone irl

No. 419363

>>419359
My parents had very bad and unpredictable arguments since I was a very young kid up to now that they stopped living together. Life is much calmer now, although my mom does explode randomly at times because of very small things and starts yelling at me and claiming that I don't love her, that I don't appreciate her efforts, that I akshually want to live with my dad instead of living with her… Etc. (this isn't nearly as common as it used to be a few years ago, she stopped being so impulsive since my dad moved). My parents always had very high expectations of me and I always felt that pressure, especially since the start of high school. I'm a bit doubtful on this though because otherwise they aren't bad parents; they always cared for all my basic needs, tried opening up and listening to me even if they failed, showed me genuine love and told me they would always be there for me, etc. The only really bad things are the shouting contests we used to have with my mom, how as a kid I tried stopping their loud fights and how difficult it is to predict when they'll get angry with me (mainly my mom like I mentioned). The worst thing that ever happened were them getting physical once and my mom dragging me by my hair and throwing me to my bed, the latter happened when I was around 8.
>>419360
I believe I'm doing better with my self esteem, but I do have a very real repulsion towards sexual intimacy. In my last relationship my ex had a very high libido and I was already quite skittish with the subject, so it was super stressful to know that if I stopped accepting sex we'd break up even if for me it was more so a painful chore. The weird thing is that I have husbandos and I love imagining and reading sexual stuff with them, but irl it's like sex in general makes me nauseous (this could also be because I'm taking medication for my anxiety, my own doctor told me it could sabotage any little sexual desire I have)

No. 419370

>>419363
>The only really bad things are the shouting contests we used to have with my mom, how as a kid I tried stopping their loud fights and how difficult it is to predict when they'll get angry with me (mainly my mom like I mentioned)

You were parentified. No child is supposed to solve arguments between their parents or even have to see them. Also, I can see one correlation here:
>'well he probably does X thing, which I can't tolerate in a relationship'

You assume the person will do things you don't like, like your parents did but you were helpless to solve, so you resign from experiencing it again.

>I'm a bit doubtful on this though because otherwise they aren't bad parents


Otherwise is key here. Look into some related literature, issues like this are created in early childhood and by observing parents and how they are relating to each other. The problem here is that a good relationship was not modeled to you in childhood so there is a possibility that you subconsciously don't see a good reason to risk experiencing the same stress and failure you saw your parents play out, because it probably reminds you of how much energy you were losing because of the stress experienced in the past and you just don't want to spend it like that. I'm sorry those things you mentioned happened to you but there is no point in defending parents' fuck ups or accusing them. To solve issues like this you must dissect your life without judgement. Therapy helps.

No. 419374

>>419370
so like… fantasizing about a relationship and caring about someone that is at a distance is safe but entering one and intimacy is not safe/worth the effort/energy (samefag)

No. 419377

>>419363
>I do have a very real repulsion towards sexual intimacy
I think this is it. I always craved relationships and would develop crushes on moids, but as soon as I found out the feelings were reciprocated I would run away because I knew anytime a man wants a relationship it means the expectations of sex are there and I didnt want anything to do with that so I would sabotage the relationship or deny my feelings anymore.

No. 419378

Any nonas with experiences dating a schizhophrenic moid?

No. 419380

>>419353
This is the answer.

No. 419399

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>>419357
idk. suffered this my whole life too. i blame a single mom raising me who was always at work and not emotionally available. i don't hold rage toward her though, because it's really my dad's fault for leaving and fucking everything up in the first place. she did her best.
as far as i know there is no cure for this problem except forcing yourself into relationships and ignoring the intense discomfort.
the fear of being abandoned never, ever goes away. you will never feel secure enough with a partner that they are not 1. cheating or 2. watching porn or 3. getting bored of you. since i do not want to deal with this stress, and i hate living with other people, i have chosen to remain relationship-less and single forever.
when i feel romantic i watch movies that scratch the itch, or write fanfic, or roleplay. it's easier for me to indulge in fantasy because no one is complicated or messy like real humans are. deep down, i don't believe humans are meant to be monogamous, and i can never therapy-pill myself into believing otherwise.
it's a peaceful existence, imo.

No. 419403

>>419399
>since i do not want to deal with this stress, and i hate living with other people, i have chosen to remain relationship-less and single forever.

nta but iktf nona. i ended up in hospital from a nervous breakdown last time i had a bf from all the stress our relationship caused me. i've learned men and me simply dont mix. the pain isnt worth the good times. theres no man on earth that can love truly the way i want to be loved. i dont think men are actually capable of love in general. ive had men propose to me, threaten to kill themselves over me, swear up and down that im the love of their life, and later found out they were STILL being disloyal behind my back and cheating at that time too, despite proclaiming their love for me like this. nothing men say or do means shit, they simply arent capable of emotional depth and love like women are. fuck em. ill hold out for my holo bf.

No. 419411

>>419403
right, we see ugly men in hollywood cheating on their 10/10 girlfriends, it's no use. the y chromosome is defective and incapable of real connection except in extremely rare cases, to the point it's not worth trying.

No. 419413

>>419411
ikr look at adam levine cheating on his fucking victoria secret model wife with random trashy onlyfans chicks and instathots. AND she took him back. only literal cuckqueens are thriving in this dating economy. any woman with an ounce of self respect would want to go AW (rip queen aileen) at seeing the current state of the sexual market. its more horrifying than any story kafka could dream up.

No. 419416

>>419413
The unfortunate truth is status + accomplishment in a woman and the sanctity of long term relationships mean nothing to moids. All they want is to COOM and they have no concept of consequences. Men will happily throw away decades-long marriages over subbing to onlyfans girls, Hollywood moids will sabotage their long term relationship with a supermodel for a 3 minute quickie with a waitress behind Denny's.

No. 419417

>>419411
I thought Hollywood relationships were mostly fake or for convenience

No. 419424

>>419417
every man wants multiple women to fuck daily. every single man. if he's gay he wants multiple men. the y chromosome gives a biological urge to spread as much seed as possible. humans are not like wolves, or macaws, who mate for life and raise babies together. every man's perfect relationship would be one where he has sex with multiple people.
whereas with women, they desire to have a strong mate for strong offspring and want a good provider. we'd put up with polygamy if we were not evolved species and made to feel jealous and betrayed over sharing, or cheating.
it will never work.

No. 419437

>>419424
Total Moid Death when?

No. 419438

>>419424
I don't think it's as black and white as this tbh. It would make zero sense for women and men to have a completely opposite desires in a relationship when they are meant to be each other's counterparts. Tons of normie women cheat too, our preference in male aesthetics literally changes depending on our fertility status during our cycle, some scientists even argue that it's natural for women to cuck their bfs and get pregnant by a Chad while ovulating then make a beta male with a kinder softer face that signals lower testosterone levels raise it.

No. 419440

>>419424
I wish i had multiple younger guys(18+) to fuck daily and cook and clean for me. Am i a man
The y chromosome doesn't give them those urges, they just take advantage of women because they still have more privileges than women and can get away with making their wives do nonpaid labor(housework) while they cheat(boys will be boys). The more women gain rights, the more women won't stay in marriages like this and their fantasies will have to stay as fantasies.

No. 419441

>>418289
It went good in my experience. He kept calling me pretty and we fucked tons 10/10 would recommend.

No. 419443

>>419424
haha don't google polyandry in humans

No. 419446

>>419441
How fast did you end up fucking nona? Were you attracted to him too? Did your feelings become stronger after meeting and having sex irl?

No. 419448

>>419440
>I wish i had multiple younger guys(18+) to fuck daily and cook and clean for me. Am i a man
No, just dangerously based

No. 419483

>>419424
>women just want a provider and offspring
We're not getting anywhere if we still keep peddling this bullshit.

No. 419486

>>419424
>whereas with women, they desire to have a strong mate for strong offspring and want a good provider.
Can we quit preaching this bullshit already? Women have worked their ass off most of history, working hard to provide for ourselves is in our blood. We have perfectly capable bodies for a reason.

No. 419488

>>419424
>>419483
Well if you go to female reproductive stragies, the father of offspring and the provider dont have to be the same male. And it is not beneficial for the same male to father all offspring, variety in genetics is better. Even in animals that form pairs for life they will mate with others too. So yeah women are supposed to be pickyer and not fuck everything that moves but we arent biologically monogamous either. That is just a moid cope to justify cheating etc for them.

No. 419493

>>419424
>they desire to have a strong mate for strong offspring and want a good provider
Thank god I've escaped the biological samsara.

No. 419494

>>419488
Exactly, men and women may be different but we are not literal polar opposites, it's just a psy-op invented to demonize women for things men are allowed to do just fine, to justify homophobia by pretending "only opposites (should) attract" and to justify the oppression of women overall because ofc we can't just be opposite but equals because that's not "complementarian" enough, one has to subjugate the other and the other must submit.
And the "male sexuality is for pleasure, female sexuality is merely reproductive" meme is a huge fucking reversal considering women have an entire organ dedicated to sexual pleasure independent from reproduction

No. 419530

>>419424
The fact that so many people replied trying to argue just shows that this is the unfortunate truth that women don’t want to think about, because it means they can never have a fulfilling relationship with a moid. Men are incapable of love and monogamy. The sooner they accept this the less it hurts.

No. 419547

Does it even make sense anymore for me to date or search for a relationship?

>get on antidepressants

>not horny anymore at all
>dry like sandpaper
>orgasm is super hard to reach
>was already difficult before and impossible to do for a moid but now it is even hard when I try my best with masturbating
>with ex bf piv sex was impossible because of vaginismus, irrational fear of pregnancy despite being on birth control
>just don't want any piv
>not very attracted to moids anyways
>I want a relationship with the cuddling and the romance but without having to touch a dick basically
>I often feel like a dysfunctional woman

No. 419563

>>419547
>I want a relationship with the cuddling and the romance but without having to touch a dick basically
I can't give you advice but I just wanna say I'm in the same boat. I've never been in a relationship and I often fantasize about cuddling/holding hands/hugging and in general doing cutesy relationship things but I have little to no desire for sex, especially to do with a guy's dick like oral or piv. I wish there was more guys that aren't interested in sex in this world but I feel like that's a rarity kek. When I've told my friends that I would wait a couple months at least before having sex with a guy they thought even that was extreme.

No. 419573

>>419563
>>419547
I also want an asexual bf but I havent had luck finding one yet. Most mens entire lives revolves around cooming so honestly its an extremely long shot.

No. 419576

Boyfriend is very nice to me, always pays for food when we go out, even delivers me food when im home. BUT. When we're out and i want something (so not us sitting down to eat), i always pay for it myself. He NEVER offers to buy it for me. He only pays for it IF he's buying something for himself, too. Once he offered to buy me a hairclip to replace the one he accidentally broke, so i picked one, as we walked i saw a palette that i had mentioned i wanted, i walk to it (it's like 7$), and he just goes to stand in line at the cashier (to only pay for the hairclip that he offered to buy). Like, detaches from me, he's never done that before. He makes good money and knows I'm unemployed. He also bought me expensive perfume to cheer me up one day. Why won't he offer to pay for the things i want, they're cheap, too! Is he "buying my time" by paying for lunches, snacks, and dinners? Why then does he deliver me food? Don't get it…

No. 419580

>>419576
He's a control freak.

No. 419582

>>419573
>Most mens entire lives revolves around cooming so honestly its an extremely long shot.
And he has to shower, not be ugly, good personality etc… So many odds stacked against us anons

No. 419601

>>419576
I mean do you really want him to pay for every little thing you want like you're a little kid without her own money… it sounds like he's pretty good to you, him not paying for small frivolous things when he's already paying for a lot of stuff should not be a big deal.

No. 419607

>>419576
>is unemployed
>gets makeup she doesn't need
>expects it to be paid for without discussing it first
I'm sorry but maybe you're the problem? That would've rubbed me the wrong way if I were your boyfriend too. Just because he makes good money doesn't mean you can assume access to his money for luxury purchases?

No. 419613

>>419607
I see where you’re coming from but you’re wrong. Read it again. He swerved on her. Bad look on his part. He’s obviously not trying to impress her and has no strong feelings about being a unit with her or he would not swerve on her in the checkout line. He’s giving her bare minimum, this is a game to him

No. 419617

>>419613
I wouldn't try to impress an unemployed person either

No. 419623

>>419576
Have you… asked him to buy you things? Or are you expecting him to telepathically get the message?

No. 419627

>>419607
If shes having sex with him then he should be buying her whatever she wants

No. 419630

>>419627
More like if she's even giving him any of her time, he should be buying her whatever she wants. Men always benefit from having a woman spend time with him

No. 419708

File: 1722228287940.jpeg (109.55 KB, 750x526, 768D3185-A945-413D-9858-8F049A…)

How do I stop having an anxious preoccupied attachment style

No. 419725

>>419623
is this reddit?

No. 419759

>>419627
>If shes having sex with him then he should be buying her whatever she wants
And he's having sex with her too. So should she be buying him shit? wtf are you even on about?

No. 419915

>>419576
don't rely on his money so much nonnie. At best he'll feel anxious about finances, at worst he'll start to hate you. I say this as a former NEET; people who work resent unemployed people (and moids resent women very easily over the smallest things, even trad scrotes start to hate their stay-at-home mom wives for being "lazy"), and even if he's chill with it now it doesn't take much for the switch to flip (if I were him and paying for so much for you, I WOULD feel extremely hurt seeing you doubt our relationship like this over cheap makeup).
Also since it sounds like you may be autistic and not understand the value of money, consider that he may be short on money sometimes if he's buying you food delivery and expensive perfume. Even "good money" runs out.

No. 420035

Has anyone had to, somehow, tell their boyfriend he's too pushy with shit? Is there even a non-confrontational way to say it? Do I just say "stop being an asshole"?

I ended up just getting upset, but my boyfriend is probably one of the worst people to ask for help. We work on the same shift, he started before me, so he's supposed to help train anyone newer to the team. Long story short, if I ask for help he won't really pay attention to the question, answer something he thought was being asked instead, then act like I'm not listening to him when I have to clarify. From my perspective, he's not listening to me because other leads are perfectly capable of answering directly and I've had no problem with them. From his perspective, I'm the one getting "mad" and "setting him off". He finally just called me neurotic and it made me cry, I told him he shouldn't be expecting new people to just immediately understand the job with minimal help. I feel like he just finds me annoying and there's nothing I can do.

My stupid theory is his shift used to just be him, and now with new employees he has to give responsibility to, he doesn't like losing autonomy. It so far hasn't bled into anything else but good lord I hate having to ask for help when nobody else is available. We were friends for 2 years prior to dating, then I ended up in the same department as him, the shift time was not my choice. I know dump is probably the answer but I'm also retarded enough to think I can work something out.

No. 420036

File: 1722311204442.jpg (86.38 KB, 750x750, tumblr_7415fa534a08e01e78ea953…)

>>419759
You know what she's on about.

No. 420046

>>420035
Sounds like an asshole lacking basic emotional intelligence. I wouldn't put much time, energy, or anything into him if he's going to treat you like that. There's someone else out there who will help you with any miniscule question that you have. Also try to stop yourself from making up theories or reasons why he's doing that it's 99.9% of the time because he doesn't value one thing or the other.

No. 420091

>>419708
you remain alone for a couple years getting comfortable with solitude

No. 420178

>>420035
Once a man shows he isn't listening to you, and he starts calling you emotional/neurotic, you dump him. It shows he doesn't respect you at all, and you can't be in a relationship with someone like that. He's a grown man, yet has the emotional intelligence of a toddler. You're free to stay with him, but the ick will hit you sooner or later.

No. 420229

how many of you had a boyfriend that wasn’t exactly your type but you were still happy with him? i‘m not even talking about looks here but rather personality. i am dating a moid who seems to be into me for now but i worry that might change because i am not his usual type at all. he usually liked strong, independent, secure, assertive women who know what they want etc while i am unfortunately not like that at all. of course he is nice and doesn‘t act like he wants me to be any different etc. that‘s not the point of my question just if anyone has seen something like this work out.

No. 420243

me and my ex are talking again and want to get back together but slowly and not jump in things too fast. we followed each other again on ig and I made the mistake of looking through his follows and saw a bunch of hot girls that are more attractive than me and such just made me feel weird and uncomfortable. I brought it up to the moid and he said “we aren’t dating yet so why does it matter “ I suppose his logic is right but i don’t like it and feel like he’s saving someone for if we don’t get back together and am scared he’s just talking to one of them while he says i’m the only one he talks too, he shows himself off a lot too and his followers are mostly girls . I am just in a stupid crisis I brought upon myself ughhhhh I hate overthinking

No. 420244

>>420243
He's just using you. Don't get back together with him, this is absolutely ridiculous

No. 420277

>>420229
Not trying to scare you Nonna but a lot of times moids will fixate on their type to a fault. If you have a really good emotional connection and chemistry things might end up differently but if he starts made snide comments about how you’re not his type then run.
>>420243
You’re not overthinking, he sounds like an asshole. Don’t get back with him.

No. 420292

>>420243
He's an ex for a reason. Do you want to be with some manwhore who has a big following of women and follows other women as well? You can find someone better.

No. 420303

>>419576
Surprised at the replies to this. Your man's stingy and that is unromantic, no matter what the nonnies dating stingy "50/50" dudes are saying. I've been there and he knows what he's doing when he bolts for the door or register when he sees something you like, men benefit from playing stupid as you can see here.

There's no point to dating a man who makes good money if he won't make you smile with a little bit of it. No it does not matter what you make, he literally gets to cum 100% of the time during sex, exists in the patriarchy, and is born for labor and service. Plus well oriented men LOVE to do it, if he's not an effeminate loser he will literally get hard decorating you.

You can attempt telling him how you feel with as much sweetness and politeness as you can but from my experience it just causes his mask to slip and he gets super butthurt, might even buy you shit you don't like out of spite (one guy went out of his way to get me ripped dirty clothes one time to prove a point).

No. 420327

>>420243
He sounds extremely inconsiderate and the type to find any loophole he can to excuse his shitty behavior. Dont even bother with these types of moids, they just make you miserable, get off on negging your self esteem, and the jealousy, annoyance and resentment you feel from his constant inconsideration for your feelings will eventually kill any love you have for him.

No. 420329

>>420229
My bf also seemed to have a pattern of being attracted to very outgoing, loud, somewhat obnoxious low inhibition party girl types and I'm extremely introverted, shy and quite quiet irl. Dont try to be someone else, just unironically bee yourself and others can take it or leave it.

No. 420331

>>419576
This nona
>>419915
is 100% correct. Wagies usually really resent neets, especially if its their partner and theyre working all the time and you're at home all day. Yes, trad moids also think their wives are lazy freeloaders too even if shes cooking cleaning and child rearing all day.

Relying on men for money is good in theory, but in reality, unless he's an actual paypig with a fetish, most men tend to become extremely resentful and bitter when they're paying for stuff all the time after a while, and may even start to hate you.
Idk why men try to posture themselves as providers because its not really true, most of them are stingy as fuck and dont want you having access to their finances and wont just hand their credit card over to you for anything, especially if the money theyre earning is through actively working and not just passive income from something else. You don't want him becoming a control freak or hating you for spending his hard earned cash.

No. 420382

>>419547
iktf nona, i hate sex and everything to do with it, but i still crave romance, cuddling, warmth, loving conversation. moids are incapable of this without trying to stick their dick in you too. i wish boyfriend rental services were a thing here like they are in china and japan, sigh.

No. 420458

Nonnies I need some advice, opinions, etc.
I've been hitting it off really well with this guy I met online in a non-dating social space, so there was no upfront "here's my resume with all my expectations etc etc" and throughout the past few months, through the many voice chats and regular conversations around multiple people we've taken a liking to each other. He's local as well.
I met him a few weeks ago at a party with other local people from the group chat that I've befriended and he was genuinely nice. He paid for my lunch and wanted to help me as much as he could. After the party, he did express how much he did really like me to the group chat, but he knows he has a lot of shit to deal with and doesn't fault me for not wanting to move forward in a relationship with him. He has multiple children of his own from his previous relationship and he says he's pretty much done having any more.
I think the big thing for me is that I want at least one child, but the other big thing is the fact I have a higher possibility of being infertile. I'm in my early 30s, PCOS, I've had unprotected sex with 2 of my exes for almost a decade total. No accidental pregnancies. I also had abnormal periods, but the 3 recent years of unprotected sex I became monthly, and I still did not have any pregnancy scares at all.
Would it be even worth it to genuinely go through the steps to consider pursuing a relationship with this guy? I talked to a friend about it and she was leaning towards it being better with me finding a guy who'd rather adopt.
In my head, I'm thinking it's harder to even find a guy so organically like the guy I'm talking to now, who would even be open to adopting because we're both infertile, because it's almost retarded for any man who can impregnate someone to not want to have any biological children, that is unless he's already got children of his own. Adopting is costly.
I do want to raise a child, at the very least. I know if I would be with the guy I have feelings for, I'm also dealing with his ex, his childrens' mother, as well and any custody issues that might entail. I'm looking at it from a point that if I were to be the stepmother of his kids, they're at least his children. He has recently voiced he is open to me being the stepmom of his kids.
And with the topic of my fertility, I think it'd be best I know sooner than later to make the best decision for my near future. What if I do find a guy who wants kids, we get married, but then we find out I'm infertile? He'd more likely than not file for divorce, or at the very least cheat on me and impregnate someone who can have children. That'd be a huge tragedy and a waste of my time.
I don't know, am I thinking too much about this? Or is it a good idea of consideration?

No. 420485

>>420458
>you want to have and raise a kid
>he has multiple kids and doesn't want anymore
I'd say to just stay friends with this guy and not get closer. It's not worth staying with someone who doesn't want to have kids when you do. Plus, you have to deal with his kids and his ex. What if his kids don't fully warm up to you and hate you? What if they disrespect you and he doesn't help/sides with them? You have a big package to deal with. Don't fully trust divorced guys.

No. 420492

>>420485
He loves his kids, it's just yes while I do want a child, I can accept the fact I won't be able to give birth to one. I currently work with children, I think the biggest thing for me is wanting to raise a child long term and see them grow up. Both of us have multiple step siblings so we both get the step parent bond possibilities.
But he's definitely a choice, but maybe I can organically find someone with less complexities and connect with them like this guy. I got off dating sites recently, it was not good for me.

No. 420951

File: 1722616074995.jpg (122.75 KB, 826x871, 1651948842980.jpg)

I am about to discuss sexual abuse. I've been dating my moid for near 4 years. At the start of the relationship, say the first year, he had a behavior that was sexually abusive. He would wake up in the mornings, super horny and trying to co-erce me into having sex with him. I would be half asleep and he would grind on me, trying to wake me up by petting me and kissing me, and the touching would get progressively more sexual, in a really slow burn way. I'd push him off or say I'm not in the mood, but half-asleep so I wasnt very assertive myself, and what he'd do is he'd make the touching more affectionate and he'd progressively make it more sexual until I stopped him and it'd be the same thing again and again. I would play it off as a joke pushing him away, because it was too early in the relationship.
Unfortunately, many times he'd spark a physical reaction after all the heavy petting, and I'd end up giving in and having sex with him, in a dissociative state. He'd joke about it afterwards that he's able to "convince me" to change my mind, but later on in the relationship he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it, without talking about it in depth. Just him checking himself mid-way and me accepting his apology. There have been times afterwards where he couldn't take no for answer and trying to be fake affectionate and then slowly making the touching more sexual, in hopes I will change my mind, but I stood up for myself and he apologized and cheked himself. The thing is, I had kind of burried this inside me but it has re-surfaced and I can't stop thinking about it. Me, individually, I hate being woken up as is, and thinking about this I feel disgusting and violated that I let it happen so many times. I don't know if I experienced it as rape, but it was definitely sexually abusive. I'm extremely ashamed to admit that when I think about it I feel a mixture of disgust, embarassment but it may also spark a physical reaction of arousal, as fucked up as it sounds. It has affected me to the point where I've been avoiding him physically and he has noticed and he's sad about it but I have no idea how to bring this up. We rarely have sex lately because I'm getting flashbacks from that time and I feel like shit.
I know I sound very Stockholm's but please don't a-log him, he's been there for me in really dark times and has been one of the only constant things in my life. He has genuinely uplifted me and supported me, so it is with a lot of sadness that I admit all of this. I would appreciate any advice, as this is really complicated.

No. 420953

>>420951
>He has genuinely uplifted me and supported me
Anyone who is your friend or with common decency will. It's been four years and your intuition is still begging you to reflect on it. Please listen to it. Don't make excuses for him and face it head on where he was not respecting you and seeing you as basically a flesh light. You should never have to feel such humiliation reflecting on your relationship. You don't deserve it, there's only room for the feelings of respect and love. Sending hugs and please please please listen to your gut

No. 420961

>>420951
You weren't raped or sexually abused in my opinion, but I don't really have any authority to say, that's on you to decide. I think you just don't like him like that and your gut is screaming at you to get away from him. Listen to your gut and don't try to over rationalize exactly why what he did is bad or wether it's assault. You are not eager to have sex with him for a reason. You don't want to. Don't remain in a sexual relationship with him. You don't owe him sexual access just because he's been a good friend to you. You can't force sexual chemistry or attraction (which is what he's doing and it's making you feel like shit because you do not reciprocate nor should you if you don't feel naturally inclined to.)
>later on in the relationship he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it, without talking about it in depth
No he didn't he just saw it was bothering you and making you more distant and/or he got tired of begging. I bet you a million dollars he does not think he sexually assaulted you. Unless he realized he has somnophilia and felt alarmed at that, but I highly doubt it since he made an effort to wake you up and that is the opposite of what a somnophiliac wants.

No. 421088

>>420951
First of all, I don't think you should over-analyze the past or dwell on the question of whether you felt violated or whether it qualified as rape, because I suspect that if you ruminate on it, it will start to disturb you more and more, while if you are simply glad that it is over and remove yourself from this situation ASAP, you will be less likely to be traumatized by it.
Second, I think the fact that you're as disturbed as you are is a good sign to get away while you still can. You still have time to calmly, amicably break up and escape before things escalate.
>he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it,
>without talking about it in depth
>There have been times afterwards where he couldn't take no for answer and trying to be fake affectionate and then slowly making the touching more sexual, in hopes I will change my mind, but I stood up for myself and he apologized
The fact that you never discussed the apology in depth means I don't know if you really know how he feels about this, and I think you may be making assumptions when you say "he realized it was problematic." And the fact that he still does this shit tells me that you are indeed assuming he's taking it as seriously as you want him to.
I would say the only way it's at all possible to not break up with him is if you have a very detailed, very explicit discussion setting strict boundaries and say it's completely forbidden that he ever does that to you again and if he ever even tries it, you will break up on the spot. OR, if the spark of arousal means you liked it sometimes and didn't like it other times, then you could establish a safe word or certain conditions when you're okay with it (like you guys have to plan it in advance so you get to bed extra early and stay in bed after you wake up planning to get into this). The fact that he vaguely apologized and you never laid down any rules after that is why you're still feeling conflicted now. It's hard to get strict with a boyfriend like this and lay down an ultimatum, but at this point, it's completely necessary. Sexually abusive moids always take advantage of your shyness around talking about sex.

No. 421311

Told my new boyfriend that I won't be able to go out to restaurants to eat or visit him in his city next month because I cannot afford to spend that much on gas, my health insurance got more expensive and I have to buy books for school and he just broke up with me. It's actually not that bad and I will just be on a tight budget this month but I just wanted to test how he would react to me no doing that well and I guess my gut feeling was right.

No. 421474

>>421311
Sorry that happened to you, nona. It looks like the trash took itself out.

No. 421836

>>419547
you are literally me
and yeah i gave up on anything long term and started seeing the fun in short term, romantic but non sexual encounters. it's been okay. you just have to make peace with it.

No. 422351

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I can't figure out why he is so weird about our car situation. He has a 10 year old car, nothing special, but it was his first car. He paid it off. Apparently his mom cosigned on it, but it is totally paid off. I think both his mom's name and his name is on the registration still because he never bothered changing that. He's the only one on the insurance. I had a car that was totaled by another car (I wasn't at fault) and so I bought a car that he cosigned since I never had opened credit before. I'm making all payments on this car and the registration is under my name or his name. The insurance is only in my name.

He is so weirdly possessive that only he drive his own car. I wouldn't care so much if it hasn't put me in weird situations at times because he doesn't want me to drive his car. We used to mainly drive his car to work (we work together). I would sometimes want to go somewhere to run errands or whatnot, but because of his weird rule, I couldn't. He used to say this was because his parents paid for his car insurance (which they did while he was in college) and he didn't want to risk something happening while I was driving the car. Fair, but now he is paying for his own car insurance. I talked to him about this and how it bothered me and he said he'd change.

What annoys me and what I've pointed out is that I'm the only one on my insurance (it's expensive because I have a Kia and because I'm still paying the car off), but he claims since his name is on the registration it's fine for him to drive it. But this doesn't follow his logic for his car because he used to say it's about the insurance. I've called him out on this and it annoys him and I've had to explain that if we get into an accident when he's driving my car, he is fucked. He frequently drives my car to work with me because it has better A/C, is a new car, etc. and I feel like this is unfair. He gets really upset when I tell him to lock my car, too, because he for whatever reason doesn't do that. I've told him he needs to do that because even though this isn't in the year range for Kias that can be easily stolen, a person trying to do that won't necessarily know and try anyway. He gets really pissy whenever I do that especially because I link it to how if I weren't following an instruction for his car, there's no way he'd let me drive it (i can't even drive it now). I have never gotten into an accident, I once bumped the back of his dad's pickup truck (no damage) and I do drive faster than he does, but I would genuinely be careful driving his car. It's weird because he isn't possessive like this with his other stuff - he doesn't care if I use his computer, phone, etc. It's just he's weirdly possessive about his car. It's nothing special as I said, either. Just a early 2010s commuter car. Are other guys like this? Is this a serious red flag or just something minor?

No. 422352

>>421311
Damn, cold as fuck. Well looks like he was planing to do it anyway and just looking for an excuse. Hope youre ok nona and that your finances improve. Date a generous moid who helps you out next time.

No. 422353

Is it normal to daydream about breaking up with your nigel on a regular basis? I tend to like daydreaming about sad stuff but i don't know, i wonder if this is my unconscious telling me to just do it. I'm a sperg and this is my first long-term relationship, so i don't know if this is meaningful or not. For context, i keep oscillating between wanting to end things and thinking 'this is objectively a pretty nice life situation' (looking at it pragmatically), though with each passing year my lack of attachment becomes more blatant. He's starting to mirror it aswell, acting in a very detached way. I also get bouts of compassion for him in-between periods of feeling really distant and cold and like he's just a roommate or a good friend. I feel retarded.
Edit for more context: Basically i don't know if this lack of attachment is related to my issues with human connection or if it's a sign i should stop pretending this works. I hope that i'll get to experience something more meaningful but there's a good chance this will repeat because i struggle with maintaining bonds in general. I've come across stuff that makes me think this emotional distance is common in autistic women, so i don't know. It could be that this is actually really mundane and every woman has been in a relationship where she doesn't even really know why she's with some guy. I'm genuinely confused

No. 422356

>>422353
It isnt 'good' but it is definitely normal. Most women do this if they're with a moid they're not 100% happy with.

It may that you're not that attracted to him, or that you're resentful over past things he's done or said and have somewhat emotionally checked out. Or it could even be a self protection thing since hes also becoming distant.

Either way it doesnt sound like you two are that into each other, its probably best to let him go so you can both find someone who ignites more passion and attachment in both of you.

No. 422360

>>422356
Thank you nona, your description is accurate. I think it's a mix of all the stuff you've mentioned. I guess i'll break up with him soon

No. 422390

My boyfriend jokingly called me a "basic ass bitch" when I said I wanted a california roll, I told him "never call me a bitch again even if you're joking" I know he didn't mean it in a hurtful way but something about moids calling women "bitches" makes me really uncomfortable. He said sorry and we moved on. Do you think I am over reacting? What are your thoughts?

No. 422393

>>422353
Normal situation, probably more common for autistic women but a lot of girls have been through similar. It definitely sounds like you aren't really into this guy anymore, if you ever were. Like, fantasizing about other people is normal if it's just periodic, but specifically about breaking up is a major warning sign since that should be a bit painful to think about.

No. 422394

>>422393
Samefag but just ftr so you don't overthink it, speaking as another autist, if it's after a single fight or something and it's not painful that's not a problem. You can have an overall good relationship and still do that, especially since we have trouble controlling our anger. The regular break-up fantasies you have say something else though, it's normal but a normal "get out of this" tell.

No. 422400

File: 1723069280539.jpeg (76.88 KB, 1296x972, cache2.jpeg)

Am I wrong to feel upset about my boyfriend being sure he will move on sooner or later if we break up?
I don't know if I'd move on, I think I'd likely off myself

No. 422402

>>422390
You're not overreacting and its good you out up a boundary

No. 422404

>>422390
Not overreacting, I told my boyfriend not to say that about any woman or me, or I would break up with him. This was like a month into dating, and we're still together over a year later and he has stopped saying bitch as soon as I asked him. If it bothers you there is no problem in telling him to stop. I would not date a guy with whom I would have to tolerate that casual misogyny from, it's genuinely unattractive and disgusting to me.

No. 422409

>>422400
Something tells me you two are the classic "stoic asshole and emotional anxious attachment" pairing.

No. 422419

>>422394
That distinction makes a lot of sense. Yes, it feels different from sulking and vengeful post-fight fantasies. Thanks!

No. 422429

>>422390
Even if you tell him to stop it doesn't change the thoughts in his head. He's still thinking derisively of you and women in general. It's not like you were in some argument and he said some emotionally charged shit he didn't mean. He thinks of women poorly in general.

No. 422436

>>422429
I wouldn't assume someone thinks poorly of women just for calling someone a basic bitch/basic ass bitch. If it makes someone uncomfortable it's totally within bounds to tell them to stop, but what was described sounded like teasing.

No. 422464

the guy im seeing's last two exes were like 5ft tall, had AA cups and genuinely weirdly young looking babyfaces (late teens-early twenties but looked 13-14). should i take this as a red flag? is he a pedo?

No. 422482

>>422464
Always better to err on the side of caution when it comes to scrotum havers.

No. 422490

>>422464
I say trust your gut.. I'd personally probably excuse it if it was just one girlfriend like that because yeah some adult women just look like that, but when it's two girlfriends like that..

No. 422497

>>422464
This is a giant red flag

No. 422502

File: 1723122986012.jpg (53.71 KB, 600x399, giant-african-bullfrog.jpg)

>>422400
Is this a valid reason to break up? Am I wrong to be this upset?

No. 422503

>>422502
no one should off themselves over a break up

No. 422510

>>422502
I promise you the moid you are seeing is not that great nona. He leaves skidmarks in the toilet bowl, jerks off to twerking thirst traps, and eats his own boogers.

No. 422514

>>422503
I think scrotes should kek

No. 422549

>>422400
>>422502
Your ego is hurt, that's fine. But people move on from exes, that's normal and you shouldn't take that as a personal attack. Bringing it up with your current gf seems a bit insensitive though depending how it came up in conversation.

No. 422555

I know this is gonna sound retarded, but I did it with my boyfriend multiple times over 2 days and used plan B on the third day (within the 72 hours) which according to my period calender is the ovulation day. What are the chances I got pregnant? We aren't really wanting kids but not opposed. I am getting the IUD next week but not sure if I should put it off until I know if I am pregnant or not. Any advice is welcomed.. I know it was stupid of me.

No. 422556

>>422464
Deffs a red flag, I wouldn't be surprised if all he watches is barely legal/teen porn.

No. 422572

>>422464
Big red flag unless the exes Asian, then he's just a yellow feverfag which usually says bad racist "I like them because they're submissive" things but I've met one guy where it's legitimately just an aesthetic preference. (Which I know for reasons that belong better in the femdom thread lmao)

No. 422573

>>422464
Same person but *exes are

No. 422587

My boyfriend says his family won't like my ethnicities (I'm mixed, he isn't white either) so he said not to mention it to them. I don't know how to feel about this. Any advice?

No. 422589

File: 1723139872644.jpeg (83.84 KB, 750x750, IMG_0306.jpeg)

idk what i’ve been doing wrong lately..i feel like shit. im with my boyfriend for 4 months now and im grateful that i have met person like him but im getting tired and tired of getting attached to him, i didn’t really received love in past. he made me feel loved and everything, we could text for hours and never get bored of each other. he introduced me to his family and everything is going well but since im on vacation with my family for 14 days he suddenly somehow became bit dry and just texts me less, like no excitement to talk with me nor he even asked if im enjoying it here. he did it sometimes even before the vacation. i feel like i love him too much and expect him to be like from the beginning but i don’t know what to do it’s just confusing. i don’t really wanna talk to him about this because he might get upset and i don’t wanna start fights through text, i’d rather wait when i’ll be back home and talk in person about that, but it will keep bugging me the whole vacation. i have urge to just ghost him for days and but i don’t have a heart to do that

No. 422604

>>422587
He can't reasonably ask you to keep your ethnicity hidden. He should defend you and his choice to date you.

I can't quite find the right words to express what I think but instead of dealing with his family appropriately, he's putting the weight and responsibility on you, I hope that makes sense.

No. 422606

>>422589
sounds like a dead end relationship. break up and find someone who cares

No. 422626

>>422589
men always become dry when they know they have locked you down

you have to keep them on their toes ike bpdchans do

No. 422630

>>422606
whenever i mention to him or try to hint him that i don’t feel appreciated or loved enough, he’ll get mad n upset sometimes doesn’t want to talk with me because i said that, i dont understand men’s logic kek

No. 422631

>>422630
If he is trying, he probably sees it as a slap in the face which is why he doesn't like to hear it. I'm not defending him whatsoever, just offering what may be his perspective. Either way, the fact he has difficulty expressing his feelings is a yellow flag. Moids should know how to express their emotions by age 23 at least.

No. 422896

>>422626
>you have to keep them on their toes ike bpdchans do
I'm curious. Can you tell more or recommend something to read?

No. 422967

File: 1723228659737.jpg (117.21 KB, 1058x705, lets keep going.jpg)

This is a whirlwind of a relationship, but here it goes;
(keep in mind I'm autistic, but actually)

>Get introduced to a nice girl via mutual friend

>Don't have many IRL friends so I suggest we go on a friend date
>I'm shy, but she is very outgoing. Comes on really strong, but that works because I'm not a good conversationalist
>tells me I'm perfect, adorable, the best person she's ever met, so happy to have lived a life where she could meet me, very over-the-top intricate adoration
>I'm struggling to reciprocate meaningfully
>Dinner plans fell through, she invites me over to her place to netflix and chill
>she says to get comfortable, so I take my shoes off and put feet on couch
>Suddenly she's on top of me, I don't want to disappoint and one thing leads to another and we have sex
>guess I'm gay now
(I later learned Netflix and Chill means to have sex, and that putting my feet up was an indicator for sex)
>Leave after dinner, mixed feelings, shame, guilt, but sex was good
>I ask about how to go about being exclusive, because I just found out I'm bi, very religious family, social stigma etc
>She says she's unsure if she wants to date exclusively and she'll think about it
>a little heart broken; let her know I don't want to have sex unless we're committed to each other, but we can be friends
A few weeks later;
>she wants to meet up again
>more or less same shit happens, but we go to my apartment, I sit on the bed (again I didn't realize this was an invitation to sex) and we fuck
>We talk about it, she says she wants to date me, she sleeps over
>Over time gets more distant with communication
>find out via mutual friend she's on dating sites, and is on a date most weeknights
>Like the masochist I am, I get a hold of one of the supposed dates, whom tells me they had sex, and sends me OC lewds of her
The guy was a real fucking loser, too, not just for spreading lewds
>Confront her about this, expecting denial, but instead she tells me she talks to around 400 guys a day on a different website and meets with anyone who is willing to meet with her
>Tells me I am not entitled to her, I'm too possessive, etc. But that whatever I decide, I am a beautiful person and she's honored to have ever met me, she feels sick that she had made me feel bad, etc.

I have never in my life met someone who loved me so much, and simultaneously hurt me so bad.

Is it salvageable? I do admit I am possessive, I prefer my significant other to put me first above internet randos, as I would do the same for them. I feel terrible about having sex, it goes against my belief to take things slow, and now it's just created this expectation and I kinda feel like a beloved fuck toy. I fucked up so much, I should have just said no.

If I leave now or speak up, I am very worried of backlash, as I am finding out she's telling people very different things when it comes to her information. Even the apartment we fucked in may not have been hers. But she knows everything about me.

No. 422975

>>422589
>>422630
Like the previous nonna said he probably got what he wanted out of you and now doesn't feel the need to go out of his way anymore. Maybe try the rubber band theory? I understand that you are very caring and just want the same of what you give out, but you really should go days without messaging him maybe even blocking. I'm sort of the same way but once you get used to not spending so much time awaiting his response, or maybe do a test to see if he double texts, you can find yourself again

No. 422982

>>422967
Nonnie I'm sorry but that woman is just using you, the "love" is just lovebombing she used to keep you around as it's pretty unlikely she developed any kind of feeling the first time she interacted with you… wanting you and your possible partner to be exclusive is definitely not "possessiveness" also lol. I would cut contact, you'll just end up more and more heartbroken the more you two interact.

No. 422990

>>422967
If this is real, she's stringing you along and this should have ended after her interest noticeably dwindled as you seem to realize. She's not interested in commitment and probably isn't interested enough in you to really give serious backlash.

No. 422997

>>422967
Youre in the fangs of a narcissist whos lovebombing and manipulating you. Get away FAST. In a way you should be thankful shes unwilling to commit as it gives you an easier way out.

No. 423503

We've been together for nearly a year but some things have been bugging me for a while. early on i learnt his exes have all been asian, and almost all his matches and dates have also been asian (im not). every now and again he will joke about asian girls too, basically saying that all white men love asian women. i also learnt he went on a date with a mid-late 30's woman as an early 20's man, and ive heard his friend make a joke about him and older women. for a very long time after we started dating i kept asking him to delete his dating app accounts if he wasnt going to use them anymore and he swore that it was pointless since he wasnt going to use them anyways (which i found very very weird), he deleted one apps account in front of me but i know he hasnt deleted the rest. i managed to jokingly ask if he didnt delete the profiles when he was with his other girlfriends because he knew theyd break up and he said yes. as a result he was off and on using dating apps for four years with apparently only two girlfriends and very few dates, no hookups either. hes very academic and intelligent where as i really feel as if i dont have much to offer besides being a 'nice' and 'good' person, and knowing that one of his old dates that he's still friends with is studying law doesnt help. otherwise he treats me perfectly but this has seriously made my self esteem tank and all i can think about is how i look, my intelligence, my self-worth and envying asian women, yes its really stupid but im a very insecure person. i dont want to leave him and i dont know how to talk about this as it will just sound very ridiculous that im fixated on this.

No. 423578

>>423503
Fanfic written by a yellow fever fag.

No. 423594

>>422572
no they were just very petite and childish looking white women

No. 423598

>>423503
Sounds like you're the new placeholder gf to him.

No. 423599

>>423503
>i kept asking him to delete his dating app accounts if he wasnt going to use them anymore and he swore that it was pointless since he wasnt going to use them anyways (which i found very very weird), he deleted one apps account in front of me but i know he hasnt deleted the rest.
everything else aside, just break up with him, for the sake of your sexual health if nothing else. he is cheating or trying to.
>>422967
>she talks to around 400 guys a day on a different website and meets with anyone who is willing to meet with her
once again, everything else aside, just break up with her and cut her off, for the sake of your sexual health if nothing else.
Both of you should break up gently, amicably, and in a friendly way to minimize the risk of backlash.
These are both people who are so bad that you'll be horrified when the realization of how bad things were with them really sets in, but it's always hard to see that from within the relationship. So I'm giving you your out: these people are clearly, obviously, and objectively walking disease vectors and you need to escape while your pussy is still intact.

No. 423605

>>422464
I’m so scared people think this about me

No. 423609

>>423594
Yeah, then this is a red flag imo. One girl who looks like that maybe, but if it's a trend that seems possibly pedo-ish.

No. 423808

Recently met a guy I'm interested in. All green flags. However he has a few female friends. Also has male friends but admitted he has more female friends because for example if he sees a pic of something like a cute animal they're more interested in seeing it than his dude friends. He's not an alpha macho man type which is good, I don't like that, and it does make sense that a man who isn't into being an andrew tate gymbro and is more into artsy hobbies may align more with female friendships.

I asked if any friends he's had in past have ever had feelings for him and he said yes, and that it really sucks when that happens bc for him it was just a friendship. He's attractive.

A female coworker invited him over to play a game with her sister and her sisters bf, I made a joke about it being a double date and he said he wasn't interested in her and she wasn't his type, and showed me a photo of her, and she was very overweight. If she had been conventionally pretty like I'm sure some of his other female friends are, I dont know how I'd have felt about it. We're not dating officially yet but heading in that direction and both want that. Right now I'm just hesitating and thinking about how I'll be able to handle this in the future.
I have basically 2 male friends that i actually consider friends who dont want to fuck me, one is my best friends boyfriend the other doesn't live here, so I can't wally wrap my head around the idea of hanging out with a guy friend and it not being seen as a date to him, or at least proof that I'm interested.

What do you think? Part of me thinks it's a green flag that he has female friends who aren't attractive because it means he doesn't view women as their only purpose in his life being something hot to look at or fuck. The other part of me is worried he's enjoying the attention he gets from them and validation because I just don't know why these girls would want to be close friends with a guy to the extent of talking daily and hanging out if there wasn't some romantic interest.

No. 423827

>>423808
I'm inclined to give him the benefit of your doubt. There's nothing in your story that indicates he keeps female friends around for the wrong reasons.
>I just don't know why these girls would want to be close friends with a guy to the extent of talking daily and hanging out if there wasn't some romantic interest.
Women having platonic male friends without romantic interest (from their side) isn't that unusual.. Sometimes a fun friend is just a fun friend.

No. 423830

Does being self partnered count as a relationship if I’m aromantic?

No. 423832

I know men stop trying as soon as they have you locked in but god is it annoying

No. 423833

>>423830
No, that's being in the wrong thread, maybe go to the general advice thread.

No. 423843

>>423830
Of course not.

No. 424029

>>418289
I e-dated my Nigel for 3 years before meeting IRL (I know..) It went amazing, and I hated that his visit was only 14 days long. We continued meeting up until last December when he got his visa to move to my country. We’ve been together for 5 years now and it’s been amazing. He’s incredibly clean and isn’t a creep/freak. It’s definitely a big risk, but in some cases meeting IRL can be successful. I always had trouble finding men that I related to or even liked in general IRL, so I didn’t mind edating. I waited so long to meet him because I was scared, so I think that helped with our success since I felt like I knew him very well already.

No. 424038

>>423832
So fucking annoying god I fucking hate being attracted to men

No. 424132

I don’t believe my Nigel is a porn addict in any way, he has no trouble getting hard for me and he finishes rather fast. But man, reading the nofap thread as well as loveafterporn threads has been extremely harrowing and now I am terrified of what could come in the future

No. 424149

>>422967
Is there a reason why you didn't say no to the casual sex despite it being against what you generally view as a moral foundation to begin a relationship (i.e. commitment first)?
Stand up for your boundaries and you will be hurt less. Don't be afraid or desperate to reject someone when it's clear their actions may cause you harm. Someone looking to fuck on the first night of meeting you logically isn't a person guided by the intentions you desire.
I could say how this person is an uncaring narcissist for not settling into a relationship with you, but I don't want to delude you into believing that people aren't generally self-serving and shitty.You will encounter many more like her. The duty you have to yourself is being able to identify these situations and hold firm to what you want–you let slip and got burned.
Just ghost her and lesson learned. You shouldn't legitimize this further. If she asks why, say you just have a lot of differences and would prefer to see other people. Don't defend or explain. Block her.

No. 424186

How "rocky" are your relationships in general? Are most people out there fighting semi-regularly and just living with it?

I am NOT talking about abuse! I can tell the difference between disagreements and abuse, so I'd rather not talk about that. I just find it hard sometimes to figure out when it's time to break up with someone or when it's time to put my perfectionism/ego aside and live with the fact that people will always disagree on stuff. It's been a constant source of relationship stress for me, through multiple relationsihps.

No. 424265

>>424132
You should probably post this in that thread tbh instead of here

No. 424267

>>424186
I dont have much dating experience myself but because I'm so quiet, and I know a ton of couples, they tend to kind of forget I'm there around me and let it all hang out. I would say most normie couples have mini fights or small grievances with one another almost everyday and a big blowout fight maybe like 1-2x a month.

No. 424291

File: 1723595299998.png (101.53 KB, 275x269, 71854E3B-0C80-4AED-9E91-41691E…)

Nonnas, would you say these are red flags? I’ve been with my girlfriend about 5 months now and we get along really well but there’s some things I’ve found out recently that make me nervous.
>Broke up with her ex at the beginning of the year
>We got together in April
>I look pretty similar to her ex
>Told me she likes a certain haircut which I got, turns out it’s similar to her ex’s
>Told me she liked a certain clothing style, also similar to her ex’s Which I started dressing in
>Posts me on her story but usually not my face. Has only posted my face 3-4 times, normally she just posts a cropped picture of my arm or something.
>Doesn’t tag me in anything but tags her friends
>Hasn’t made a full post with me in it yet (To be fair I haven’t posted her either but I never post anything)
>She and her ex still follow each other
>Still have shared bills so they talk occasionally
>Made a sexy picture her profile picture on Instagram recently
She seems really happy and into me when we’re together. I only recently realized who her ex was and I don’t know why they broke up. Her ex’s new girlfriend looks nothing like my girlfriend. Her ex also wished her Happy Birthday recently but she didn’t respond.

No. 424320

>>424291
Honestly, yes.

No. 424331

>>424291
I think the biggest red flag is the bills. If they broke up at the beginning of the year, they should not still be sharing expenses, it's mid-August

No. 424364

>>424320
I guess I didn’t think too deeply about it since I’m a sped and her suggestions weren’t that dramatic. The haircut is flattering and her clothing suggestions were just like ‘I think you’d look cute in button downs and baggy pants’. It just turns out her ex has the same haircut and also wears button downs and baggy pants a lot. She has posted me a decent amount but it’s always been through stuff that expires. I always felt like people who kept their relationships offline were happier but I’m not sure that’s the case with her. I guess she just doesn’t want to have to delete a bunch off social media if anything happens but that’s also not very comforting.
>>424331
They don’t live together but they are still on the same phone plan.

No. 424405

>>424186
My husband and I practically never fight, and neither do my parents or (from what I’ve heard) his parents. We of course have disagreements but we always just talk things through without getting heated. The worst thing that happens is that sometimes we’re a bit tired of each other’s company and kind of ignore one another/live more like roommates for a bit, but that rarely lasts more than a day or two. We’ve never raised our voices at each other.
My parents are the same, and they used to joke that they should’ve staged fake fights for my benefit while I was growing up so I could learn how to deal with that sort of thing, since I’m an only child and don’t have siblings to fight with either. I used to panic whenever my friends fought with their siblings because I was so unused to it and thought it was far more serious than it was.

So for me, fighting isn’t normal at all, but I also know that this is very uncommon and most couples do fight occasionally. I’ve known plenty of people who insist that not having heated fights every so often is actually a sign of a unhealthy relationship but imo those people are just coping. As long you’re talking things through and not bottling up your feelings in a way that causes resentment I think our way is far healthier than yelling at your partner on the regular.

No. 424652

>>424291
Seems like you’re a rebound to me. I wouldn’t jump out out of the relationship immediately, but I would be cautious.

No. 424675

>>424652
Nah. I think if she's realizing her gf is trying to turn her into her ex, she should dip. At the very least, confront her about all these findings and see how she reacts. I get some people might not recognize what they're doing, her gf might be doing all this subconsciously, there's a chance this might be the case, but if the gf gets defensive about it, she needs to dip. >>424291
You have to confront your gf about this if you haven't already.

No. 424685

>>424291
I'm het but had a similar situation where my bf was basically trying to turn me into a version of his ex by suggesting i get certain haircuts, dye it certain colors, wear certain clothes and certain makeup styles etc etc. i didnt realize he was doing this until i actually saw his ex, i thought he just had certain preferences or was advising me what looked good on me. it damaged my self esteem a lot and caused me to have an identity crisis because i hated everything that he liked tbh and he would always make me feel like i wasnt good enough just being myself. please get out of there, you deserve better than someone who is trying to clone you, and it will never work anyway because you're you. it sounds like she's generally just being quite disrespectful of you.

No. 424724

im meeting my bf's family this weekend… i haven't done this sort of thing in a while so i'm hoping i don't come off as a total sperg.
it's his mom's birthday and i was planning on just bringing baked goods and not a gift since we haven't met yet. is that rude? he doesn't have a good relationship with her so it's not the end of the world if i fuck it up but i don't want to make things awkward.

No. 424816

>>418013
just found out a guy ive been seeing for 2 months fucked a troon a while ago. im grossed out, how do i get over this. do i ask for details or try and push it as far out of my mind as possible

No. 424817

>>424816
you leave. he will probably continue fucking troons behind your back.

No. 424826

>>424816
Find out why he fucked a troon. Like, he might be a chaser which is risky to date. He might believe "trans women are women," that being a deal-breaker or not is up to you but it only means he's an NPC. He might have felt like he didn't have better options, tbh that's just a moid with self-esteem problems.

No. 424853

>>424816
Slowly distance yourself and dump him. He's gay and a degenerate from that fact.

No. 424861

>>424816
He's a porn addicted faggot

No. 424975

>>424816
nonna please get yourself tested

No. 425202

currently i have a boyfriend but i developed a hard crush on one of our mutual friend.. ive been been so giddy about him, but obviously never flirted because disloyalty to my boyfriend is just an ass thing to do.. is there a way to suppress these feelings easily?

No. 425264

I've been in a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend. Near the 1.5 mark, he took a short break from me because I am/was a mega BPD chan. I groveled and promised I'd change, etc. We continued our relationship and I have improved steadily (stopped consuming alcohol, smoking, I don't self harm, I don't react as strongly as I used to in general). I've been irritable lately since I'm realizing I have to cut off my family completely, etc. and I was talking about this with him. He said that he felt like he'd "been had" by me because I promised years ago I'd change. I'm yes, less BPD in my actions, but he's still scared of me. I don't know whether to just accept what he said or if that's something I should press him about. It makes me feel like shit. I mean, I am not a great person.

No. 425289

>>425264
Sounds like he resents you. Maybe you should start over with a new guy who doesnt know about your past moodswings.

No. 425311

>>425264
Since you are a BPD-chan you should find a man who isn't such a weenie and can handle you.

No. 425389

Every time I vent to this guy I'm seeing with any problems I may be having, he responds with the most basic, generic shit - like, "Aw, babe I'm so sorry sad emoji face Hope things will turn out better". No questions, no trying to understand my situation further, and no real grounded advice. It closes the conversation too early and I'm left feeling frustrated. Sometimes I'll just continue to vent in the hopes that he'll engage more and I can get some sort of alleviation but it makes me feel as though I'm being an excessive, annoying whiner. I don't want to have to drop him for this as I do want to give him a fair chance to change things, but I don't know how to go about expressing any of this to him. I hate having to force someone in this way but I don't know how else to go about it. Advice?

No. 425401

>>425389
Hearing people vent all the time is annoying as shit. Sorry but he doesn’t owe you advice or even a listening ear really.

No. 425412

>>425401
uh yes if youre in a romantic relationship with somebody you owe them emotional support, the fuck?

No. 425413

>>425389
I mean, that's basically how I respond when people vent to me. That sounds terrible, I hope it gets better, etc. Because that's how I genuinely feel. I want things to get better for the person who is venting. If they don't explicitly ask me for advice, I just try to be validating. What exactly do you want him to say back?

No. 425440

>>425401
Doing emotional labour for each other comes with the territory of a relationship dumbass.

No. 425441

>>425401
You can't give someone else advice in this thread when you're this retarded. If you're in a relationship with someone, you should be giving each other emotional support and comfort. That's only natural.

No. 425470

>>425389
that's pretty much all you're going to get out of most men. even when they actually listen they're terrible at offering advice or asking further questions about whatever is bothering you. it doesn't necessarily mean he isn't interested in what you have to say unless there's something else he's doing that gives you the impression he's checked out.

No. 425550

Is it a good idea to regularly take money from a boyfriend? I'm going back to college and expressed how both it and a part time job in an industry I'm not used to was getting me down. He said if it overwhelms me he'd send me a stipend every two weeks and I could quit the job. I told him it was kind but didn't say no or yes. This sort of generosity is unfamiliar to me and all I can think is how it would breed resentment in the future. I'm likely to say no because an experience that pushes me will hopefully be a healthy burst of growth but I don't want him to think trying to invest in me is a bad thing. He's from a family where the children have to put the family above their own comforts, if that context is needed.

No. 425552

>>425549
you can talk to him about these concerns and figure out why he's offering to fully financially support you, and take all of that into consideration before deciding. have a more serious and direct conversation about it if you do decide to do it, lay out boundaries for both of you and talk about what this would/wouldn't change. personally I would not consider doing this unless we were very committed to each other and had been together for 6+ years kind of thing. I'd say if it's under 2 or even 3 years you should be very careful about a decision to have him pay your living expenses. if anything went wrong you could be in a very bad spot, and it can create a feeling of power imbalance in the relationship. make sure you have a safety net if you do take his offer. this could easily turn into financial abuse, or resentment like you said, or just make feelings very complicated. he could even expect you to pay him back at some point. if you're considering it then just talk about it with him more. he could be doing it out of kindness because he wants to support you because he is committed to you, but just be very careful to figure that out.

No. 425594

I don't know if this is the right thread for this. My friend suffers from depression and psychosis. We're childhood friends, but we haven't seen each-other in about a year because she isn't feeling well.

She relies on me to keep her company, she doesn't have any other friends and she feels like shit whenever she's not talking to me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells so that I don't say something to make her more upset than she usually is, but no matter how much effort I put into being attentive, comforting her or trying to give her advice, she doesn't get better. If she's happy for a bit, she'll inexplicably get sad. Lately, we haven't been talking about anything other than how she feels bad. I try to hold a conversation but she gives me dry responses. I end up feeling stressed after talking to her.

I tried to bring some things up with her in hopes of finding a solution. I told her that I'd like her to give me space when I ask for it. Now she thinks that she's always wasting my time or being a burden, or that she's selfish if she wants to talk to me. I've told her several times that it's not her fault, but she just doesn't stop apologising for every single thing. She misinterprets all of it.

It's like it all amounts to nothing. We both end up feeling bad. Trying to talk it out breeds more problems. Someone told me I should distance myself from her or just stop talking to her. What can I do?

No. 425597

>>425594
Maybe you could try doing some activities with her? Sports, games, anything that's less suited for talking but just vibing together.

No. 425599

>>425550
I personally would say no, mainly because of my own pride. And like you mentioned, the chances of it breeding resentment or a weird power imbalance. Maybe instead of an actual money stipend just let him be generous in terms of gifts/paying for dates.

No. 425600

>>425550
Take it

No. 425601

>>425389
>>425413
Tbh I know exactly what op means. She wants the other person to engage with the conversation, ask questions, offer advice or perspective. Connect.
e.g.
op: i had such trouble at work today, my boss is crazy
guy: aw i'm sorry to hear that. What's the deal w your boss? / Have you considered ___? / I had a similar situation one time, ___ / etc
VS
op: i had such trouble at work today, my boss is crazy
guy: aw babe that sucks, sadface.

Men are very often incapable of basic emotional intelligence or deep empathetic conversation so this is par for the course.

No. 425604

>>425389
If you want a different response either be direct and tell him, just like you typed here. Or vent to female friends instead, who know how to hold conversations and emotionally connect

No. 425605

>>425401
sorry but I agree with this. He’s probably tired of hearing it and is just trying to be nice and caring without also encouraging it. This is usually how I respond when people vent too. Like what else are you supposed to say? It’s validating and encouraging. Also most people don’t like unsolicited advice so maybe he’s just being considerate of that. If you really want him to offer advice or his opinion then ask him directly.

No. 425662

Currently in the stage where me and this guy have mutual feelings for each other and I notice myself thinking in extremes.
Last weekend, he invited me to go to this restaurant with him, it was great, even the drive back was nice, he pointed out this arcade he'd take me to the next time we see each other.
During the drive back to his place, I noticed I started having these weird thoughts enter my head that tried to blame me for him not making a move on me, like trying to hold my hand or ask for a kiss, etc. I remember one thought telling myself "He doesn't like me because I'm wearing this bracelet I've never worn before since the last time I saw him." As if the bracelet was some bad luck charm. I remember having similar thoughts like this when I was in high school during the non-dating stage with my first boyfriend. I remember telling myself things like "I didn't use x shampoo today so that's why he doesn't like me." And "I'd be more attractive to him if I wore a different shirt, now he's completely lost interest in me."
Does anyone else suffer with thoughts like this, where they're trying to convince me a guy lost interest for me due to some weird reasons?
One thing that's similar between these guys is the fact we started off as friends first, these two are the only guys I've found organically, not via a dating app with intentions to date and have them fit this set criteria before I talk to them. Maybe that's why? I don't know, but it's so annoying.

No. 425672

>>425550
Just take it. Why does it matter if he gets resentful or whatever? Then you can just dump his ass, and you got paid for it. Suffering for some shitty job isn't worth your mental health.

No. 425690

>>425662
are you a self-conscious person? it's easy to internalize and overthink things but if he enjoyed your time together and made plans to see you again then it's unlikely that he didn't make a move because of something you did. it could be anything from shyness on his part to not wanting to rush things because he's worried it would frighten you off.

No. 425770

>>425550
I'd take it as long as you're careful that it doesn't turn into a weird dynamic where he excersises (financial) power over you. As long as you have a way out of needing his money it's worth taking it imo.

No. 425779

>>425662
sounds like you have bpd

No. 425939

How much flirting should a woman be allowed to do when they’re already in a long-term committed relationships nonnies

No. 425952

>>425939
none, don't be in a committed relationship if you still want to play the field

No. 425954

>>425939
If you're flirting or looking at other people sexually in a relationship then you're probably not really in love. When I'm in love I can only think about that person and I think most non-degenerate people are the same.

No. 425957

>>425939
The good normie answer would be none. My answer would be as much as you think you can get away with without straining your relationship because your man probably jerks it to other women which is far shittier.

No. 425971

>>425939
Are you dating a man or a woman? If it's the former, as much as you want because your moid is jerking it to other women anyway.

No. 425977

>>425971
A man. Even if he wasn’t jerking off or watching porn, is it really still a huge issue for a woman to flirt? Monogamy seems to benefit men more than it does women, albeit being with men doesn’t benefit women that much anyway

No. 425994

>>425977
>is it really still a huge issue for a woman to flirt
Amongst the general population yeah.
>Monogamy seems to benefit men more than it does women, albeit being with men doesn’t benefit women that much anyway
Normie women aren't ready to face that fact yet

No. 426080

caught my bf saving onlyfans videos of a girl he used to go to junior high with (we're mid-20s now). i thought he was genuinely so sweet and gracious, but yeah, he's a degenerate in his spare time. he deleted everything without me asking, and expressed that he felt ashamed and didn't like who he was, but i hate that i'm the only one actually continually affected by this. if i didn't confront him, he'd be still doing it for sure

he didn't pay for her of, but me imagining him desperately searching it up on weird ass forums like a water deprived lizard makes me want to kill him. i found the content she made because i hate myself, and there's nothing amazing about it. except for the allure that it was someone he knows. she's moved back to our city, and i get anxiety about running into her and him fucking getting horny off seeing her or something

i feel so disrespected, but this is the best relationship i've ever been in. my heart softens like a little bitch because i can tell he's genuinely trying to reaffirm me and show that he's prioritizing me. but the horny fuck won't stop jacking it to random women on reddit. i'm a recovered fujo/eroge player/fanfic degen, and sometimes i feel super hypocritical. do i even deserve to feel this way, to feel disrespected? do we all consume porn adjacent things?

i wish i didn't know, or that i could wipe my brain of this relationship so i could move on and keep my self-esteem intact because what the fuck. the dumbest thing is that this sucks so much for me because i'm jealous and feel unwanted. i sent him shit, but he doesn't want to look at that. he wants to save and stare at bright, shiny, rando pussy. i made him delete everything he had of me because what's the point. all of this makes me want to rage start an onlyfans, or cheat on his ass and destroy his life. like, now i feel this insane irrational sense of competition with the fucking porn he watches. i wanted to get married hahaha how do i move on from this. someone beat my skull in. sorry for long emo sperg

No. 426089

>>426080
That's awful, nona. You could say it's good that you caught it because you've been exposed to the true nature of man. This clearly upsets you, and you shouldn't cope by saying he's such a sweet man otherwise or start an only fans as you degrade yourself to be an object for horny men. You're worth more than that. Please do consider leaving him as he has deeply hurt you and made you feel disrespected. There really is no telling if he truly stopped because men are sneaky and will learn to hide things better in order to appease.

No. 426093

>>426080
aw nonnita im sorry he did that to you, ive been through the same thing and it made me such a miserable person, I tried to work things out but in the end it just made me resent him and everything he did just infuriated me.
My advice would be to end the relationship, it took me three months of biting my tongue until I found out he was doing it again. Again im sorry nonna, you deserve much better than a pornsick man

No. 426095

>>426080
KEKK you got cucked. You're in a polycule with a random bitch now. He's probably thinking about her when he fucks you. Goddamn(bait)

No. 426111

>>426080
Let’s say for the sake of argument that he really has changed; even then I think you have to end things with him. Even if you still have feelings for him you’ll never be able to trust him again.
Other nonnas are gonna tell you that he’s scum and he’ll never change, and they may well be right, but that is completely irrelevant. The trust has been broken and you can’t build a life with someone you don’t trust. End it today. For both your sakes

No. 426122

Has anyone dated someone who had a completely different attitude to problem-solving/time-management and it not blow up catastrophically after a while? My BF is a "if it can be done today, do it today" while I'm a "we can take our time" time of person. Obviously this difference only goes for things that don't need to be solved fast because of an emergency. To give more of a concrete example, we went in to discuss things with the internet service provider (for his place, not mine) and it turned out he could only do some of the paperwork and needed to bring in the hardware and also was offered some number of alternatives compared to the original idea and I went "ok, we can do bring that in tomorrow and you can look at all the options, while we take is easy tonight and relax together" while he said it needs to be dealt with that day, as time has been already wasted on it, even if it means rushing home and back before their closing time. In my experience rushing things only ever leads to nerves and things getting destroyed for no reason and it leads to shitty decisions. While he likes things to get dealt with as soon as possible so he can move forward. It's a relatively fresh relationship and our lives are pretty independent for now, but I can easily see us growing resentful because I see him making rushed decisions and have zero chill and he probably will consider my approach to things lazy (which I admittedly am compared to him, but I don't feel like I'm in a race).

No. 426151

>>425601
Sorry for late reply. I get what you're saying but I've been put on blast by friends for doing what you demonstrated:

Have you considered ____? is unsolicited advice, and I've found through experience that most people who are venting do not want unsolicited advice. I should wait for them to ask me for advice before giving it.

I had a similar situation one time, ____ usually gets interpreted as "making the conversation all about me" and it makes people angry.

To be totally fair, those attempts to connect that you just described are always my first instinct. But I've been criticized for doing them so many times that I just default to "aw that sucks, sadface."

No. 426165

>>426080
Unfortunately all men are like this. Even if they genuinely love you and are attracted to you, the novelty of a different woman, and the simulation of cheating through porn will always get them off harder. It's the Coolidge effect that was demonstrated in male animals and the same thing happens in male humans.
>Most men reported that their orgasms are more intense in novel situations with new partners than in typical or familiar sexual situations with a familiar partner.
Welcome to female heterosexuality. No matter how good you are, how pretty you are, how much you do for him, like a child he will always be craving novelty, that means simulated sex with a new woman.

No. 426168

>>426080
Save the thirst traps of hot guys you went to school with/his friends/guys he don't like.

No. 426171

File: 1724274403665.jpg (399.63 KB, 4320x992, Study.jpg)

>>426165
Good post, nona. You reminded me of a slew of studies I saw referenced here. Here's a cropped image of the one that your post reminded me of.

No. 426198

>>426165
they did an experiment where they kept giving male rats new female partners and as long as the process continued, the male rats would keep fucking. They refused to even take a break to eat and ending up starving themselves to death

No. 426224

>>426198
>They refused to even take a break to eat and ending up starving themselves to death
Based, I want to see this effect happen with real men. I guess the closest cultural phenomenon in human males is a pornhub addiction then ropeing at 35.

No. 426228

>>425690
Yes I'm pretty self conscious. I actually find this mutual feelings but not dating yet part of the relationship worse than actually being in the committed part of a relationship.
We're mainly not committed now because we realistically don't know when the next time we'd be able to see each other, we live 150 miles away, but we have loose plans of his things will pan out the end of this year.

No. 426314

>>426165
that's so fucking depressing

No. 426368

>>426080
take this as someone who spent years trying to accept their (ex) bfs porn use (/addiction) it doesnt get any better regardless of what they say . unless you know you can really forgive and forget I would advice leaving. you decide of what you accept in a relationship and this is honestly so disrespectful. this is worse than just watching porn and personally now I know I should break up on the spot for things like that. you can always find someone else , but torturing yourself wondering about what ifs and what he could be watching, what if he run into her etc like you are now will just eventually destroys your brain chemistry and makes you completely paranoid/insane eventually. how long have you been with him ? this is unrelated to fanfics etc tbh, there are no real human involved in fanfictions/eroge etc so it's not hypocritical at all.

No. 426670

>>426080
nonnie, you have to leave him. this should be a dealbreaker for you. he will not change. i was in a relationship with a man who had a porn/sex addiction. he went out of his way to hook up with escorts. he spent thousands of dollars throughout our 7 year relationship tipping camgirls. all throughout this, he kept telling me he'd get better, he kept telling me he loved me and only me, he kept telling me i'm the only important person in his life. he only knew how to hide things from me better each time i confronted him about it. if i could've changed one thing about the whole relationship, i would've left 5 months in when i first caught him.
don't get your hopes up. save yourself from any further pain and leave.

No. 426738

>>426080
>all of this makes me want to rage start an onlyfans
please say sike…

No. 426756

>>426080
You should only start an onlyfans if you're pimping him out and not yourself.

No. 426848

File: 1724500834960.jpg (24.37 KB, 607x612, 1000010979.jpg)

ANONS PLEASE HELP ME I'M GOING CRAZY
>bf wants me to be close with his family
>invites me to dinner at his mom's all the time
>all we do is sit in the living room and eat
>she barely asks me any questions
>barely makes conversation if I ask her questions
>sister is cool, I like her
>her scrote makes me nervous because I do not know him
>boyfriend makes no effort to really include me in conversations
>I'm already a very, very anxious person
>he thinks rambling and then going "oh, and [gf name] does it/likes it too" and then shutting the fuck up to let me speak is somehow doing anything other than making me incredibly anxious
>tells me I'm not trying hard enough when the anxiety makes mind go blank and forgets how to talk to people
>tells me it's weally weally weally important for me to be close with his family
>doesn't understand that telling me I'm not doing enough and that it is incredibly important to be close with his family is making it so much worse
>always wants me to go eat dinner at his mom's when I have a shitty work schedule
>as a result gets upset with me because I don't want to spend 3 hours of my day sitting and being scared as fuck and not knowing what to say when I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn the next morning for work
I literally don't know what to do that will make him happy. It's like even when I do go he's upset that I'm not talking enough for his tastes when his mom can barely hold a conversation herself that isn't about how much she hates work and the people she works with. I also try to match her energy and try to bitch about work with her too but that also gives the same result. I don't know what the fuck is so vitally important about loving his fucking mommy but it's infuriating. He's known me FOR YEARS he's always known I'm incredibly anxious and hard to talk to people and I am trying, I just don't know what he expects. My mom says to just try listening instead of talking but I do that too and it's not good enough.

What the fuck do I do??????? Nonas please help.

No. 426858

>>426848
I would stop going there on a regular basis, theymake zero effort to make you feel welcome and she's his mom, not yours. Maybe it's just me but I'm very put off by partners who absolutely want you to hang out with their family and friends.

No. 426863

>>426858
I don't go over there regularly because it makes me so anxious kek. He's also mentioned before how he thinks his previous gf broke up with him because of his family and he said that while we were just friends. His sister also really dislikes their mom, she was a very good mom when they were little. For some reason it didn't affect him in the sane way and he still wants me to be close with his mommy even though he regularly complains about her and tells me all this annoying shit about her, has said she's really awkward, etc. It's like how are you expecting this woman you are dating and have known for years prior and must know she's incredibly anxious to be the one reaching out and being the one to make bffs with your awkward, cringefail mommy. I don't fucking get it. It's like his whole family is allowed to not want to talk to her except his fucking girlfriend. I have also NEVER forced him to try to be close with my family and my family has never once pushed me to do so, they understand my love life is mine alone. I just don't get what he fucking expects from me that isn't the personality of someone else.

No. 426864

>>426863
>she was a very good mom when they were little
Meant she WASN'T a very good mom when they were little.

No. 426882

>>426863
>his sister also really dislikes their mom
>she wasn't a very good mom when they were little
>it didn't affect him in the same way
>he still wants me to be close with his mommy
Okay I think I get it now, she's a run of the mill boymom and she's giving you the silent treatment because you're stealing away her precious moidlet, if I were you I would avoid all meetings with her unless strictly necessary like weddings or funerals.

No. 427001

nonnas how do you break up with someone? i love him but i don't think he's the right person for me.

i know relationships take work we've been going through it for our whole relationship (both of us having undiagnosed mental disabilities for the first few years and not knowing (i knew i did but he never believed me kek)
we've gotten better at communicating and our needs and listening to eachother but i think i'm just over it.

he will never change in regards to chore distribution he's better than he was but i'm not going to ask him every day to do things that he knows need to be done daily. he will do it if i ask but why do i have to ask? i do majority of the chores that need to be done daily/weekly. we both work full time.

he almost never takes me out i have to hint that i want to go out for him to take me anywhere. most of the times we go out it's him tagging along to something i've already planned. i'm not interested in anything fancy it would be nice for him to maybe book some movie tickets for us (i'm always talking about the next movie i want to see it's not like he doesn't know)

we're very similar but also i think we're too different lifestyle wise.
he likes to mention this trip he wants us to go on but i know it'll never happen unless i'm the one who starts planning it lol

i have autism so this could all just be retarded and maybe it'll be a massive mistake.

idk nonnies i'm having a hard time with it. we get along well, he's not a bad partner (despite my complaining) and i don't want to hurt him but i think i want to start again.

No. 427022

I hope platonic relationships are fine, too.

My best friend is a shy, quiet girl. I always thought of her as a good person but she recently started an affair with a married woman 10 years her senior who has 3 children…. she's a homewrecker, basically.
I'm honestly apalled but I don't know what to do/think.
On the one hand, this is a horrible thing for her to do. On the other hand, I can't decide if she's doing it because she's a bad person or because she's just not very smart. This woman is ten years older than her (my friend is 20) and sounds very toxic and manipulative from what I've heard. My friend is also a hopeless romantic and thinks she will never find anyone because she's a lesbian and lives in a rural town. I think she might just see this whole thing like a development in one of her cheesy romance novels…?

What would you do if your best friend did something like this? The woman's husband seems to know or at least suspect.

No. 427025

>>427022
I'd avoid speaking out any encouragement about it but otherwise let it go. It'll likely end sooner than later without your interference. You can't and don't have to protect her from every mistake. It's unfortunate that three kids might end up getting caught up in the situation but I think it's too distant from you to act as some sort of vigilante honestly.

No. 427040

>>427025
Yeah I wasn't really thinking of doing that. The husband has a gun and sounds pretty angry about the situation, it's nothing I'd directly involve myself in.

Mostly, I'm wondering what I should do about my friend. I feel like there's nothing I could tell her that would make this right again… if I tell her that this is terrible, that woman may just get her to distance herself from me and she'd lose a big chunk of her support system.
But how can I just stand by and do nothing when she gets involved in things like this?
I also can't see her in the same light anymore now that I know she's apparently willing to take 3 kids parents from them to fulfill her own desires. Is it really possible that she just doesn't see what she's doing?

No. 427049

>>427001
Honestly, just tell him you need to have a talk and go from there. Be blunt and say you're breaking up. He will be hurt, but that's fine. You have to accept that your feelings and desires matter most, and you shouldn't place his above your own. Ultimately, this is your life to live. It'll be difficult, but I believe you can do it.

No. 427084

>>427040
>But how can I just stand by and do nothing when she gets involved in things like this?
unfortunately you don't have much choice if you want to maintain a friendship with her. like the other nonna said, don't encourage her but otherwise unless she wants to discuss it with you it's probably best not to talk about it at all. she's very young and while that's not an excuse it's likely that she's just so caught up in her feelings that it's making her unable to see how her actions are impacting other people who didn't ask to be involved.

No. 427534

>>427022
I would do nothing. Let her have her downlow relationship. The kids will be completely fine. The fact the husband might know is not a problem as long as he doesn't hurt your friend, most men would not feel threatened by a 20 year old woman sleeping with their 30 year old wife he probably thinks it's hot if he does know and if he made it public in some way he would expose his own family too so it's mutual destruction.
I would be more worried your friend is going to be roped into some disgusting downlow threesome situation, especially since you say the older woman is manipulative. Tell your friend to be careful and guard her heart/safety and not take any risks or let her boundaries be crossed.

No. 427539

>>426848
Stop going immediately. Draw a hard line. You can schedule a once per month pre-scheduled hang out night that works with your job if you want to do that. Say you're really busy with work if he or his mom asks, then gray-rock and don't say anything else.

No. 427739

Not to sound arrogant it is anyone else single because you have not met someone who matches your strength of character?

No. 427743

>>427739
Yeah, maybe my standards are astronomical but I've basically never met anyone good enough for me.

No. 427859

>>427534
some men find it more threatening to their masculinity for their wife to cheat on them with another woman than with a man. i don't understand that line of thinking at all but it's what they believe. it's entirely possible that you're right about him being into it though.

No. 427901

I got ghosted with a guy I was seeing after we had sex. Feel like pure shit. He was mid and short too. I let him do whatever he wanted because I thought we had a real connection. He asked me to play with his balls while I blew him. And I did. Fucking disgusting. How do I regain my dignity and move on? I’m crying at work over this lol.

No. 427905

>>427901
it might not be the healthiest thing but i shove stuff like this down and try to forget. every once in a while i have a bad nightmare and it all comes flooding back but then i just cry it out.

No. 427906

>>427739
Yes. And then once I found my husbando (who's now dead) I realized nobody ever could live up to his character.

No. 427918

>>427905
Thanks nonna. I’ll try to just forget. Obviously he doesn’t give a fuck so why should I?

No. 427937

>>427901
Never do it in the first place. Nothing good ever comes from letting men you barely know humiliate you during sex.

No. 428000

>>427901
Never force yourself to please men, especially men you describe as mid and short. You were too quick to open yourself up to him, but let it be a lesson learned. Move on by immersing yourself in your hobbies because they bring you happiness. Don't dwell on losers.

No. 428016

What do I do if I date a guy but I dread sex with him? I don’t dread dread it, but I dislike thinking about it. When we do have sex it feels nice, I guess, but unrewarding.

No. 428025

>>428016
Talk about it with him? Discuss what you two can do to make it feel better for you. Say you wanna lead and do femdom shit or something. But take control of the situation and make it work for you, instead of bottling it up inside.

No. 428027

>>428025
Well, I tried, and he says he will do anything I say, but I don't like sex. I like thinking about it or crushing on someone, but sex itself bores me. I've "greatly" enjoyed sex before, but I never got off on the sex itself (all men are ugly and boring to me) and it was kinner to masturbatory ideas. I find the idea of a guy hotter than the guy. Sometimes I have a lot of sex to try and feel something but it feels like nothing.

No. 428033

>>428016
Don't have sex with him until you feel like it. If you go months and you haven't felt like doing it with him once and you're a normal healthy person with an average libido, then break up with him. It's not a match.

No. 428044

File: 1724824968367.jpeg (57.92 KB, 680x384, E1076564-EC50-4D63-9491-DF517F…)

Guys is it fucking over for me…
> accidentally runs into and get aquatinted with this one guy in senior year
> Finally… ・:+.totally dreamy・:+ nerdy twunk in my autist clutches
> 2nd week in, we’re holding hands
> 3rd week in, We kiss eachother on the cheek ( HOLY FUCKKK )
> Prom night, WE FINALLY KISS.. ON THA LIPS..
> Ask him what are we
> We’re a fucking situationship
> Persisted through the horrors
> Months pass with no contact due to bullshit drama ( lmk if you want the run down cuz oh my god.. )
> Getting high at a church at midnight and finally hits me up again
> PHONE SEX TIME! for awhile.,.
( VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: People have warned me about him. I can’t remember but something about shit he said and did but I believe giving people I barely know a chance so it goes over my head lel )
> FINALLY!! Suck dick around winter break( fun on paper, not really in practice… damnn.. )
> Phonesex one more time
> He asks me when I come back to the state
> lies and says soon ( I was flat broke LMAO )
> weeks pass.. AGAIN..
> I ask him when does he come back for thanksgiving and apologize
> short and dry answers
> stalks his spotify later that night( favorite activity) and has a new playlist with a girls name and a heart next to it
>oh god
>Tracklist: Falling for you, Me and my broken heart
>OH GODD
>She posts on her insta, HES LAYING HIS HEAF ON HER LAP
> OH MY FUCKING GOD
> Autist meltdown

Like UGH! I’m not jealous at the girl or anything. She seems nice and I don’t get jealous at girls cuz I’m old and wise now BUT WHATTT..? I know what I signed up for, though NEVER being in a relationship like this. ( or any relationship lol ) I really like him and I don’t consider him like a sex toy or anything. I think he’s really sweet and smart and I do want more but I put it aside and just settle for this “friends” with benefits charade is because I love him. ( I can’t say it, even in phone sex cuz he gets uncomfortable due to past stuff so I try not to say it :(( )
He rarely willingly texts me or anything. The only times he talks is if he sends me a suggestive video which leads us to flirting back and forth until sex, I tell him about drama or things happening in my personal life.

Basically, AM I COOKED..?(very unintegrated post)

No. 428068

>>428027
why are you letting a moid use your body when you're not even enjoying it? wtf

No. 428073

>>428044
Never come back to this site, you drooling retard. Go ask your fellow tards on tiktok for advice.

No. 428096

I've been dating a new guy since a few months, we have a good connection and share a lot of the same beliefs, interests and character traits. It's really nice to be around him. Thing is, he's the first guy I dated that isn't lovebombing me and then treating me like shit. I hate to admit it, but I've been feeling bored, and I'm not sure how to deal with this. I hope it's just a phase since I'm not used to healthy bonding. When we disagree about something we just talk it out instead of fight about it. Will this feeling of boredom pass or am I just not ready for a relationship?

No. 428111

>>428044
First thing I read was 'suck dick' and I refuse to read any more. Who the fuck is that in the pic, some youtuber?
>AM I COOKED..?
Yes you're 13

No. 428113

>>428044
this post is art

No. 428114

>>428096
Idk honestly because I am having a similar thing, about a year in to the best relationship I’ve ever had and am finally not scared and anxious about my behavior being monitored and graded, I feel free and happy. I think sometimes people who are damaged can get addicted to traumatizing themselves or even just to drama until we sort out our issues.

No. 428116

>>428044
I love this post kek, it's like looking at a relic from a strange civilization.

No. 428125

>>428044
Obnoxious zoomer trying to larp as a character from a 2000s Hillary duff movie. Go back

No. 428131

>>428114
Nta but yeah it's quite common for a healthy relationship to feel "boring" if you're used to the up and downs of a toxic one (I mean unless it's boring becausebyou don't do things together as a couple and just sit at home all day)

No. 428132

>>428096
I admit I get bored around normie guys fast. I'm addicted to romantic drama.

No. 428160

>>428096
Wish I had this tbh

No. 428172

File: 1724860437493.gif (2.71 MB, 498x446, perry-mason.gif)

>>428044
>・:+.totally dreamy・:+
>we're a situationship
>I'm old and wise now

No. 428217

Tbh it's my doing for making him believe I really want to have a baby, but over the past few weeks, I've moreso come to the conclusion I'm fine with not having a child of my own. I just wanted to have a secure relationship and I correlated dating someone who also wants to have children as a sure way to be with someone who's right for me. I've been hurt in the past, and it's more like rebelling against the fact the ex I was with the longest and we ended up not having a child or getting married, I thought I'd find someone who could love me if only they wanted to get married and have kids. Even after that guy, the guy afterwards was terminally online and I then had the belief that I will find my prince charming if I date a normie, which in turn just made it easier to dislike him quicker, because I couldn't find much in common with him.
But I can understand even if I explain myself if this guy doesn't want to move forward dating me because I'm so black and white about what I want. Like, a month ago I was talking to my friends about how I want to get pregnant and have a baby. I guess, just looking back at that, it was about 2 weeks after ending it with this guy who wanted to move in with me.
I feel hurt knowing the guy I want to be with has this idea that I want children of my own, but I should speak up for myself if I really want this to work.

No. 428271

>>428044
Not to encourage the sperg but please come back nonnie I want a rundown on the bullshit drama

No. 428403

Realistically, how do you get rid of a partner who is unemployed with no money? It is my apartment and we live on my income.
I have no immediate intent to break up but I need to know if there's an avenue out of this because of my attachment issues.

No. 428408

>>428403
Don't enable the attachment. If it's not urgent, when the lease is over, start looking for a smaller space. Replace your bed with a twin or full size. Physically make your living space smaller. He can't have any say because he's a neet.

No. 428411

Any nonnas know where to find a good nigel but online? I know LDR's are hard but if anyone's got into a healthy LDR or made it out of it happily can you give any tips, advice and most importantly where you found them? Help nonnas.

No. 428412

>>428411
All I seem to know is not to trust men who follow lots of women, posts thirstraps and stuff like that. I just need someone who has his things together and could break the distance ASAP

No. 428418

>>428408
I have a thing for the power imbalance and it’s fun for now, I love his company and he makes me good food. I just also like knowing I have a way out of a relationship when I’m in it, I have a bad habit of dropping people quickly just to exercise my freedom.
I guess knowing a year from now I can just move elsewhere is a good string for me to hold onto. Thanks.

No. 428422

>>428411
But why?

No. 428440

>>428411
AI chat bots if you want a LDR. Same thing less struggle

No. 428441

>>428411
Wouldn't recommend. Men who spend too much time online are all porn addicts. You're better off finding a normie guy, or at least a nerdy dude who goes outside to cons and stuff and has hobbies besides jerking off.

No. 428712

>>428411
I met my ldr bf on omegle and he's mostly good-hearted but definitely a pervert. I don't think I would have met him anywhere else because he was an insecure nerd who doesn't use social media. It's probably easier to meet someone in person in all honestly. I preferred meeting someone online and doing the ldr thing because I wanted time to get to know a guy before jumping into sex or commitment, but if you want things to progress quicker it could be cumbersome. Stay away from male 4chan users though. They are all insane misanthropes who will cheat on you if you're not 10/10.

No. 428751

>>428738
Rare sane person

No. 428779

Need advice nonnies. Was going to post on AITA but reddit is a moid cesspool.

My husband has had an online friend who is a woman for over ten years. he admitted to me without me asking that they exchanged nudes 8 years ago and had cheated on his gf at the time by doing that. I told him that I trusted him but it still bothered me, but i have full access to his phone and laptop and none of their conversations have been remotely flirty or sexual.

Fast forward to the holidays and we were at a family event at my parents house. He was texting someone and when I asked he told me it was one of his guy friends. I found out later it was this girl and I was furious that he lied to me about it but he admitted it as soon as i confronted him. He said he panicked and knew it made me uncomfortable (we've had several conversations about it already) and he didn't want to piss me off at my family event. He said he knew he fucked up and offered to delete her number and end the friendship, because it was his fault for breaking my trust, even though there was nothing he had to hide from me and he just made a bad call in the moment.

I dont want to control who my husband talks to and if friends with (like a POS) but I don't know if im in the wrong here for being upset and bothered when it appeared to be a genuinely PG friendship (aside from what happened 8 years ago), but it still didn't sit right with me. Any advice is appreciated because i feel guilty and also still kind of pissed at the same time.

No. 428839

Nonnas I just don't know what to do about my relationship. I've wanted to break up for about a month or so now but I don't know if I should just be throwing 20 months away just because I'm insane or something. I'm only 22 and it's my first relationship ever (she was even my first kiss) so I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm being unfair to myself for thinking that.

She's kind and sweet and attractive and I do love her. She is my best friend and I would genuinely want to be her best friend forever. I know that some of the issues I have right now would be moot with a best friend–I find myself wishing we'd met as friends somehow because I don't know if you actually can stay close friends as exes.

That being said, there are reasons why I want to break up:
She has a lack of ambition and laziness that upsets me. I'm 22 and in my second year of law school. She's 23, graduated undergrad more than a year ago, and has been unemployed (other than ONE animation commission and a week at a day camp) ever since. I don't care about unemployment really, but she does NOTHING.

I fell in love with her because she was an art student and I was very impressed by her taking the risk to pursue her dreams like that. As an artist who decided to go into law for stable employment, I was really inspired by her bravery and passion. I was wrong to think that. She has no student loans because her parents paid her way. Her parents bought her an apartment in an extremely HCOL city after graduation. She pays no rent, and doesn't HAVE to work, nor does she want to. And again, that might be fine, except she won't even draw if she's not being paid for it because it's "not worth her time"… the time she spends on youtube and twitter. I thought this was her dream, but apparently she went to a very expensive art school because "animation was the only job I thought I could maybe bear doing".

I feel like her affluent upbringing has made her childish and complacent. I was raised middle class and am now disowned by my family (for being gay)–I have nothing now and scrape for what I have. She went to a top private school, attended an extremely expensive art school and left with no loans, has no rent to pay.. and she still won't even bother to draw to update her portfolio or something. If she would be working on her artistic skills during this time, I would be so proud of her. She won't even bother to do anything but doodles every now and then. She has absolutely no drive and admits she's always had no drive. As long as she's happy in life, she doesn't care.

Not only that, but she dislikes my ambition. I will admit that my upbringing (kind of tiger-parent-esque, I'm not white) has made me much more ambitious than a lot of my peers. I actually think this is one of my traits that I am most proud of. In a heated moment, she called it a sickness. And that the way I thought was sick. I just shut down then. It felt like she doesn't respect my beliefs about work at all. She apologised, of course, seeing my upset, but I know she still believes it. She continuously talks about how she hopes I'll change, how she hopes therapy will calm my ambition down, etc. I don't want to change. I hate that she stays in a relationship expecting me to eventually change.

Because she doesn't change. Not even for the simplest things. I bring things up and she promises to change and does not. I asked her simply to fix her sleep schedule and not take 2 hour naps every afternoon–her response was to attempt to HIDE the napping from me (she sleeps 13 hours a day!). I ask for more initiative re: sex, she promises and nothing ever happens. I ask for more physical affection, it's there for two weeks and then the onus is on me again. And she doesn't even seem to realise she can't change.

Finally… we just have total sexual incompatibility. I have an unusually high libido for a woman, and hers is DEAD dead. It caused some tension at first, as she expressed that she "hoped my libido would lower" when I never said anything similar about raising hers, and continued rejection when I made advances made me decrease advances to about once a month. She won't initiate. And when she does, she just asks. There's no build-up or kissing or seduction or anything. And it's not even good for me. It got to the point where I, as the higher libido who can get myself off like 5 times a day, was unable to come during sex. And because I perceived her as lazy, asking for more effort form her just felt like torture.

At this point I just don't want to have sex with her anymore. I don't want her to touch me. There was a point this summer where I promised myself I was going to advocate for my needs and enjoy sex for once… and she got overly anxious about a DISCUSSION WE HAD HAD ABOUT DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS and the fact that I'd had a bad day at work (while she fucked around at home all day, mind you), and told me that my initiating and excitement for sex came off as aggression. She was acting like a scared fawn while undressing. Well, it was like a light switch. It felt so childish and made me feel so disgusting for my desires that I can't want her anymore. I look at her and I just see a teenager. The thought of her touching me is just stressful.

Pros of breaking up:
I'm 22, I get to live out the "prime" of my life maybe dating people I actually really want to be dating, and have sex with people that actually want to have sex with me. Maybe even good sex. I've only been with one person… and I think there's probably better for me out there in terms of physicality.

Furthermore, I DO love her! And I worry that my dislike of her will make me mistreat her if I continue in the relationship. I have higher standards for a partner than a friend. If she was my friend none of this would upset me. But I can't build my life around this. And the longer I stay in this, the harder leaving becomes.

Besides, I don't think she deserves someone who performs a cost-benefit analysis all day.

Cons of breaking up:
We have two cats who are bonded. A breakup would necessitate me moving out, and I can't stand to separate the cats. At the same time, I have no family, my cat is all I have. I can't stand to ever leave my cat behind. I can't take hers, either. It's a bad situation.

Again, I have no family. She's a great friend and most of my support system, and a breakup would ruin that. I also like and am very close with her friends, the breakup might ruin that as well.

Now, to the cost-benefit heartless end of things… I live rent-free with her in the one-bedroom her parents bought her. This is HUGE for someone going to law school on loans–the cost of breaking up with her would be increasing my law school debt by 50k. Also, she IS white and affluent, and dating her provides me with significant upward social + financial mobility that I don't know if I can give up easily. I'm entering a career that is super prestige based. Having that kind of connection to rich white America is really really valuable. It would also help financially considering she's the only inheritor of the estate. I realise I sound like a gold digger… but life is life. Unlike her, I've had to grow up really fast. People stay in ABUSIVE relationships for less money than this. I might be an idiot to leave.

Finally… reading through this it's obvious I'm a difficult person to love. I might just never find something comparable let alone better.

I just don't know what the fuck to do.

No. 428840

>>428839
avoid complacent people like the plague always, regardless of the level of relationship, because spending time with them causes it to rub off onto you

No. 428857

>>428840
I mean, should I be fucking with housing and pets and my friend group because of the risk that I will also become complacent?

No. 428862

>>428779
So he was texting the woman he cheated on his ex with while at a family event with you, knowing it would upset you, and lied to you about it, and you're wondering if you have the right to be upset…? I wonder what kind of person wouldn't be upset by that? You're not the one acting out of line, nona. Your feelings make sense.

No. 428870

>>428839
She doesn't do anything which is bad on on its own, but she actively shits on your ambition and calls it a sickness hoping you'll get "better." Same for your libido as well. She doesn't seem like a very loving or affectionate person, more like she stays with you because she is too cowardly and lazy to break up. You deserve someone who loves you and puts in effort for you, nonna.
Personally, I don't think it's worth staying with someone who doesn't love you because of the financial benefits, but it's your call to make.

No. 428879

>>428857
consider that your entire life may get fucked up if you stay because you will be miserable and dependent on the affection of someone with poor character. Then when you become complacent in the relationship after years, when you finally part ways it's going to be super difficult to build yourself up because you became lazy

No. 428886

>>419759
The post you're replying to ( >>419627 ) is a likely a sneaky variant on "break up with him over the tiniest red flag" posts. The point of those posts is to encourage nonas to become single, because the authors themselves are single, and people like it when others become more like them.
The post is saying that all men should be sugar daddies, a type of man that women who post here would never run into. If you're vehemently against sex work, which most people here are, you aren't going to be running into Johns very much, because a billion subtle choices will screen them out of your life. For example, if you have a "husbando," you probably have a lot of guys who are into anime in your life, and that set isn't known for producing a lot of sugar daddies. it's more of a rich extroverted nightclub-scrote type of behavior. A lot of drug kingpins and club owners are sugar daddies for example.
If you convince women to demand sugar daddy behavior from men who aren't in the sugar daddy demographic, then you will cause them to be single, because they will worry that non-transactional relationships are unloving relationships. So what the person is on about is she wants to make more people into femcels nad acquire validation for her lifestyle that way.

No. 428888

>>428886
I agree there's some people ITT giving advice in bad faith trying to make nonas dump their bfs over very small grievances and convince them to stay alone. Also advising nonas in their teens and twenties to sleep with old men for chump change is absolutely disgusting.

No. 428911

>>428779
>husband has emotional affair with previous affair partner
>I feel guilty
Girl if you don't stand up for yourself right now

No. 428924

>>428886
Nailed it. Even if it's justified, banging on about how women need to leave their partners rarely works anyways. Better to work out why a woman would put up with shitty (but not abusive) things and how to make the relationship more satisfying for her.
>>428839
She's the classic dead weight. Honestly, staying with her for the rent is understandable, at least while you mourn the relationship. Idk about staying for the estate kek, if you're already fed up and can't even stand to have sex with her now, it won't get better afterwards. It really won't. You can try seriously talking about it with her, bringing up your list of grievances but knowing this type, it's unlikely she will change. Don't repress your frustration with her or feel guilty about negative feelings in relation to your gf. It's normal and you can't keep yourself from falling out of love anyways.
I've been exactly where you are: dealing with someone with zero drive to do anything, the lack of initiative during sex, hyper-supportive parents that feed into this stasis. You might remain in love (though to be honest, it really looks like you're done) but honestly, this dynamic only fosters bitterness over lost time and self-loathing for tolerating this. The good side is that you don't have to worry for her because she'll be able to leech off her parents (a lot of the time, people stay because they feel like they 'owe' support to complacent partners).
> it's obvious I'm a difficult person to love
It isn't obvious at all.
>how she hopes therapy will calm my ambition down
What a retard.

No. 428926

My husband has been deleting messages with his female coworker. I first noticed when I was on his ipad, and I recovered his deleted messages with her. They're just normal conversations, so I dont know why he's deleting them. He deleted them again today. I don't think he realizes you can see deleted messages on imessage. I don't know if I should wait until something is deleted that's flirty, or if I should ask him about it now? He doesn't delete his other coworkers messages. My mental health is really good right now, so I don't feel that upset about it. He might be doing this because I've told him men and women cannot be friends (due to moids wanting to have sex with every woman they lay eyes on). I don't know what to do, but I need to make a plan before my next period happens. Most affairs happen with coworkers.

No. 428939

>>428779
If you don't want to divorce him, you have to tell him to delete her number and end the "friendship". Don't ever feel guilty about it.

No. 428946

>>428926
hes a sneaky liar and probably sexting her at best and fucking her at worse. He isn't telling you anything about her but I bet she knows the most intimate details about you. Confront your lawyers and him with a divorce. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

No. 428949

>>428946
that was mean of me nonna im on my period ironically. I just hate that men do this to women. It's so gross he already ruined 1 relationship for this girl and seems deadset on ruining this one for her too. Its clear he wants to be with her. Im sorry he led you on like this because he is a coward.

No. 428951

>>428926
Well the fact he's deleting it is a big red flag imo. If there was nothing to hide, then he wouldn't even think about deleting it. I've been with my fiancé almost 9 years, and I'm friends with men. All the messages I keep and my fiancé is allowed to read them if he wants to because I have nothing to hide. Deleting anything is immediately suspicious

No. 428963

>>428926
all I will say is that anytime you catch moids acting sus, the reality of what they're doing behind your back is almost always 10x worse than what you suspect. bear that in mind.

No. 428967

I need my husband to romance me more… our marriage is overall good, we rarely fight and when we do it's usually resolved quickly, he gives gifts when I ask for them, the situation is fine, but I'm lonely. He has a lowish libedo, maybe once or twice a week, which at first I liked but lately I've been horny and wanting it more. And I've been wanting that fluttery romantic feeling, which I know goes away after a while but there's not really much in the way of romance. It's gotten to the point where I have dreams about starting something with different men and wake up kinda sad. And think about other guys I meet A LOT. I've almost just thought about finding some random guy online and flirting without the intention of taking it anywhere.. obviously I don't wanna cheat but I've brought up the lack of romance and my husband just kind of brushes it off

No. 428971

>>428967
men are stupid. tell him exactly what you want him to do. respond positively if he does a good job. gray rock if he does not.

No. 428973

>>428967
Life is too short to be in a boring passionless relationship with a dull moid. Take it from someone who knows. You deserve to be romanced and made to feel beautiful and special. Literally what's the point of having a man in your life if he doesn't worship you and make you feel good.

No. 428989

>>428870
She is very loving, she loves me very much and does want to marry me etc. I just don't think love is enough to keep it running.

>>428924
I think she just wanted therapy to fix my ambition because I set goals high and get upset when I can't reach them. I just try to explain that that's how GROWTH works but she just won't do that. I think she just doesn't tolerate discomfort at all.

I was actually so heartbroken when she gave up on finding an animation job after like 3 months. IT'S ANIMATION! And she spent the whole time Just applying and not bolstering a portfolio or networking or anything. I feel like her mother, and I tell her so. Her response is just "I wish you would stop that". I would love to, but you won't eat vegetables unprompted…
You may be right. I think the longer I stay the more the love is leaving and I'm losing the good parts of our friendship.

No. 429000

>>428989
I think you already know the answer. You two aren’t compatible. She may not be a bad person, but your lifestyles, personalities, and goals don’t align, and that won’t work for a lifelong relationship. The sexual incompatibility is just the cherry on top.

No. 429109

my boyfriend broke up with me very suddenly a week ago even though the relationship was fine because ig he has issues he has to work through personally about pushing people away. i want him back so bad and it hurts so much, but i know i need to accept hes not coming back. even so, it's hard because my brain keeps thinking "what if he figures himself out and wants to get back together in a few months" and the concept is torturing me.
how do i start to move on from the pain? i know i will probably still have feelings for him and love him for a long time, but i want to get past the part that hurts and accept hes not coming back or changing his mind.
tbh its retarded that we broke up i could've helped him work through this personal stuff if he had just let me.

No. 429120

>>429109
nonna, the exact same thing happened to me 2 days ago. Last time I saw him we were happy as could be, he told me loved me, and just a couple days ago he gets randomly distant and quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he said that “his brain is changing”.
It was the first relationship I ever had in which I felt a connection and hopeful for the future and I’m completely crushed. I was pretty mean with my last text but I don’t care. He had me vomiting and crying all day.

No. 429122

>>429120
i find myself unable to be mean in case he ever wants to reach out again even tho i probably should be mad. im so crushed ive never had a connection like this with someone before. im also really sick i have been nearly shitting myself once every 1-2 hours for the past week and have a huge rash thats spread along my entire torso and up my neck.

No. 429127

>>429122
tbh, getting mad instead of pitying yourself is a way to get over it/move on. When you realize their action caused you this much pain and yet they still choose to not reconcile, you have to realize they are abandoning you. You don’t want to get back together with this person. Get pissed off that he was a faggot about it and find someone who doesn’t have such deep rooted mental issues.

No. 429135

I don't know what to do, the obvious answer for the both of us is to break up but both of us are fucking retarded and just ignore each other's attempts at breaking up. Something happened that hurt the both of us, and it's escalated into arguments spanning days and days with no really seeing 'eye to eye'. She's just told me she thinks I have zero empathy for her, I don't like her as a person. I told her I didn't feel cared for, or loved. But I don't know how she can make me feel loved or cared for. I don't know what I want from her, from this relationship. And I can't string her along while I figure myself out, isn't it easier to just spare each other more shit?
She has a lot of shit going on in her life, she's very mentally ill (she knows that, actively goes to therapy and such), there's like no break in her life, if you get what I mean. And so I never feel like I have any space in the relationship, my struggles are small and not really that significant. I try to be there for her, and I try to help her when I can. When she was going through withdrawals I was there for her. Stayed with her in the hospitals during some shit going on. There are things that I can't really help her with and I feel so torn about it. Because she really is struggling. But at the same time, I feel like I am a secondary character in this relationship, I don't feel like my feelings are important. Things like that. But I don't know, that's not exactly her fault it, is it? I can't blame her for that, for the fact that shit keeps happening to her. And then it makes me feel so fucking bad to talk about my insignificant shit to her, I always feel like I'm adding more to her plate. She tries to reassure me of these things, but they don't help. I don't know why, whatever she says, I still feel how I do.
And when she talks to me during arguments, I don't feel listened to at all. I feel bad for even expressing how I felt because she takes it in the worst possible way, and then she adds things like 'my life is already going to shit and I felt like jumping out of the car' and like, how do I feel okay sharing that I feel uncared for when she says things like that? It makes me feel stupid. I feel like I'm just making her life worse.

No. 429140

>>429135
i'm sorry but she sounds manipulative. you feel insignificant because she seems to make everything about her and her problems to the point where you feel guilty for having your own thoughts and emotions. it may not be her fault that she has issues but it also doesn't give her the right to make you feel like this.

No. 429144

>>429140
But is it really her being manipulative? Do I feel just like that without her necessarily making me feel so? I don't know.

No. 429150

>>429135
>But I don't know, that's not exactly her fault it, is it? I can't blame her for that, for the fact that shit keeps happening to her.

You know stuff like this is caused by personality traits in a lot of cases? There are certain people who always will find themselves in dire situations because they are subconsciously causing them and putting themselves in compromised positions. Also the entire post sounds like you're draggin around a corpse of a relationship. It's best to leave.

No. 429158

>>429144
i mean, i don't know you or her beyond what you've posted but i don't think it's healthy that you're questioning yourself to such a degree. the relationship certainly doesn't sound like it's good for either of you and you both seem unhappy. is this something that you can honestly see improving or do you think you're both going to be stuck in a toxic cycle for as long as you remain together?

No. 429160

>>429120
> he said that “his brain is changing”.
Damn, scrolling by and this just made me so paranoid. My Husband literally said this to me yesterday. It wasn't about me though, it was a general comment about him feeling irritable and opinionated lately. I told him it was because he just switch from cigarettes to vapes and the nicotine change is messing with him. But now I feel paranoid kek

No. 429171

>>429160
His excuse was that he was making life changes such as trying calorie deficit (he’s a normal if not skinny man), quitting drinking and recently wanted to quit zyns. Not only this but he’s been shilled stoicism and is believing it holds his answers to life, as he destroys any real and compassionate relationships with his inability to feel. This all occurred within 2 weeks btw. We had a loving and understanding relationship up until this mental breakthrough.

No. 429172


No. 429178

>>429171
Well mine is still a proud functioning alcoholic so maybe I’m safe and not about to be divorced kek
My advice is to send him away while he has his retarded mental breakthrough or leave yourself on a spontaneous trip. He’ll realize he’s taken you for granted and is not appreciating the comforts and love he has in his life

No. 429186

>>428888
But some nonnas do lack a spine though, I’m reading stories of sleazy husbands who are clearly cheating or who are at best entertaining dubious relationships (ex. The husband who was still in contact with the woman he cheated on in his previous relationship).

Maybe it’s me hating men or being young, but I wouldn’t accept these kind of behaviors. Life is way too short to be with a man who doesn’t respect you.

No. 429214

>>429186
A lot of women ITT need to stand up and face the reality that their men are cheating on them either emotionally at best or physically at worse. Either way the relationship is in a state of ruin as the trust is now broken. It is not hard to put up boundaries and ask that a man respect them. The minute a man disrepects your boundaries should be where you check out emotionally and take the necessary actions to leave. Too many women allow men to have their cake and eat it too its embarrassing. I no longer feel bad.

No. 429253

I can't understand my nigel. It's not that he treats me poorly, in fact he's been nothing but supportive and communicates with me when I ask him but he rarely initiates convos when we are texting. We've been together for a few months already, and his behaviour is nonsensical to me. From my own experiments, a whole day will pass and he will remember to text me only in the evening. No good morning, no hey whats up, and then he acts like nothing happened. Does he just not think about me throughout the day? Is he not curious about me? I think about him every day, and check on him, but I feel like he doesn't really care unless I'm there physically with him…

No. 429318

Is it ever right to get back with an ex? I broke it off because I wanted to emigrate. I'm back home now and after I posted a story on Insta of me being back she messaged me asking if I wanted to get coffee or hang out. I won't lie there's feelings there but I feel there's an inherent imbalance. I don't want to feel like I'm only accepting her invite to assuage my feelings of guilt for dumping her.

No. 429371

Is my nigel projecting his insecurities onto me? He’ll randomly start feeling depressed because he’s overthinking that I’ll get bored of him and leave, and that I’m too good for him. Is this a bad sign? I mean he has a history of that happening to him in past relationships allegedly, but I’ve seen enough anecdotes from nonnies about men projecting themselves onto women to make me start questioning it.

No. 429372

>>429253
Let him stew in his own juices for a while, so to speak. Show him how it feels to be ignored. 'Cause all you're doing right now is essentially saying, "Hey, I'm the one who will always be there to dote upon you, so don't bother lifting a finger." Don't text him for a few days, at all.

No. 429392

>>429253
I think you'd probably know if this were the case but some (rare) people just live offline and aren't good texters. Does he frequently text and initiate conversations with his friends and family? Does he use his phone a lot/normal amount in general? If not then maybe he's just a bad texter. If yes it's possible he mostly values your relationship for the physical benefits.

No. 429428

>>429214
This. Some women are complicit in their own misery because they give far too many chances and excuses to men who wouldn’t do the same. (I’m not talking about DV cases btw)

Men get up and leave at the first problem, always, they’re selfish and opportunistic. That’s the reason why your moid deletes messages with their “friend” , not because he doesn’t want you to misunderstand or hurt you, it’s because he knows that what he’s doing is wrong. Same goes with men who leave their spouses when they have a debilitating disease like cancer or who cheat on their pregnant wives or spouses that are busy taking care of the household and children all by themselves.

No. 429479

>>429371
sounds like anxious attachment to me.

No. 429484

>>428839
I'm this poster lol. Gently brought up the idea of possibly breaking up because our current sex life isn't sustainable for me OR her and she said the thought of breaking up because "you can't get over one thing that happened makes me so angry that I want to tie a rope around my neck and jump off the balcony". So that pretty effectively cuts off any further discussion on my end :(

No. 429485

>>429484
Sorry to hear that, that is disgusting behavior. You should leave as soon as you can without any explosive arguments or announcement. Freeze out the relationship and give her less attention, she is just a narc

No. 429486

>>429485
She is genuinely really a good sweet person, much much better than I am. I think she just really struggles to empathise with my issues when she's never struggled in that way. I don't blame her for the reaction but god does it make me think I just need to find a place to live, move out overnight, and take the cat.

No. 429492

File: 1726323408234.jpg (62.16 KB, 800x1200, 517NkIDAH3L._SL1200_.jpg)

>>429486

>She is genuinely really a good sweet person, much much better than I am.

This may be tough to swallow but this is something victims of mental and emotional abuse say in co-dependent relationships all the time. She is not a good person if she blackmails you with suicide when you want to end the relationship which you should be free to do so at any time. Sounds like narcissism, histrionics and sociopathy. She probably abuses you in a plethora of ways you decided to ignore over time. I'm sorry nona. Check out picrel when you feel ready and don't want to fall for that again.

No. 429520

>>429486
A good person does not threaten suicide to make you stay. Did you know that it’s actual a form of abuse?

No. 429522

>>425202
don't spend more time with the friend than necessary, imagine your friend being a nasty coomer misogynist in his private time, and spend more quality time with your boyfriend to direct those crushy feelings towards him instead.

No. 429580

>>428839
Don't fuck people you don't want to fuck (her), don't date people you don't want to fuck (her), don't fuck people that disgust you (HER), break up if you don't want to fuck anymore. God.

No. 429621

I feel annoyed when people I date keep presents they received from their exes around (things that seem to me like they have a sentimental value not talking about random books) but I also keep presents i got from my exes sometimes because I don't know what to do with them and I don't think about them that much, I just wouldn't display them… I guess Im wondering what's the "right" thing to do, do you get rid of them ? Wondering how you guys feel about this and what you do.

No. 429700

>>429621
They're just my things after I received them

No. 429707

>>429253
He might just have low self esteem. I never initiate convos with people because I assume I'm annoying them if I do.

No. 429821

My bf makes me feel ugly. He always nitpicks stuff about my appearance. He tells me I'm pretty but he always has some little negative thing to say about me, when I get ready for him he gives me this kind of disappointed look and usually tells me I should have done my makeup more like this or worn this instead. He tells me I smile weird, that I frown without noticing and it's giving me lines, that my teeth are too prominent, I should dye my hair a different color because it would 'suit me more', that I should change my aesthetic and dress more a certain way that he likes, but he fawns over random women on TV or the internet with his friends and talks about how hot/pretty they are without giving them any criticism. He just always makes me feel like a project or work in progress rather than a gf.

No. 429823

>>429821
Leave him now. This is how abusive relationships begin. He's slowly chipping away at your self confidence.

No. 429826

>>429821
Sounds like a narcissist, you can never make these kinds of moids happy and they always have contempt and dissatisfaction for their partners. The only women they respect and compliment are women way out of their league and out of reach, but even if they got with one of those women they would still find ways to find fault with her. You can never please them, you deserve a bf who makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Leave his ass if he cant appreciate you.

No. 429857

I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost a year now and we live together. At the beginning everything seemed great, we clicked and got attracted to each other quickly and there was this instant connection in our conversations with each other.

However. After only 1-2 months after we started dating was the first time I noticed she gets offended and hurt very easily, and her reactions are very strong to say the least. Often things that would be at most mildly upsetting or annoying from my perspective become huge deals to her and escalate into big fights. I don't want to speak on other people's behalf and say what they are "allowed" to be hurt or upset by (because it varies from person to person), and usually I can see why she's upset or hurt. It's just the proportion of her upset that gives me anxiety and makes me feel like I should be walking on eggshells to avoid making her angry/upset/hurt.

A few examples of things she's been very upset by (I feel a bit silly listing these, but maybe some examples will give you a better idea): 1. there have been multiple occasions where she's encouraged me to go meet a friend or attend an event, despite me telling her I could also stay with her if she's feeling bad. Then if I do end up going, she's upset afterwards and says she felt lonely and abandoned. 2. One night her kid was making a lot of noise when we were supposed to be going to bed, and I said "jeez, how is it possible to be making that much noise still". She accused me of picking a fight with her, snapped at me saying "do you hate my child that much? Maybe you should just live by yourself if you can't handle hearing some noise every once in a while (I get along with her kid just fine, but her kid not going to bed on time is a constant issue that sometimes annoys me because it's tough to be sleep deprived at work). When I replied I'm not trying to pick a fight and that I'm sorry for making a pointless comment like that, she snapped "can you just not talk or touch me? I need to sleep". I said fine and was annoyed, and in my annoyance I pushed my blanket aside and a corner of the blanket ended up slapping her in the face. I apologized but she accused me of doing it on purpose and said I was violent and impulsive, and it was as if I had hit her.

3. One evening we were supposed to watch TV, but I spent 5-10 minutes on my phone first because I wanted to reply a message. She got upset and said "that's unbelievable. We really do think differently, huh? I can't believe you would do something like that when we were supposed to watch TV and instead you're on your phone, not even doing anything important!". She had been snapping at me earlier that evening and I was on edge because of that, so I said "do you really want to start an argument over this?". She started crying and said no, and turned her back on me and I continued "it really annoys me how you seem to think you're allowed to say anything you want and however you want to me, but I'm expected to just stay calm and take it. I think you're unnecessarily mean sometimes with your words. Maybe you should consider my feelings too?". She started repeating "stop, stop it already" and I asked "am I not allowed to defend myself when you accuse me of things?". Afterwards she said she was left scared of me because I "broke her boundaries" by saying my piece although she told me to stop, and that now she can't trust me to stop with anything when she says I need to stop. (But like… is that how boundaries work? You can say whatever, but if the other person reacts and you tell them to not say anything, that's breaking a boundary?)

Usually I can understand the reason why she's upset/hurt, it's just the magnitude of her reactions and the accusatory and aggressive tone she takes when airing out her grievances. She's not like this every time she's upset, of course, but often enough for me to stay on alert a lot. She can be very accusatory, mean and guilt-tripping when she's angry, and I've tried to tell her that I'd like to hear about her upset/hurt, it's just that the WAY she expresses herself bothers me. This has led her to accuse me of trying to "change her personality" and being "demanding". When I ask for something like this, she sometimes says things like "I've tried my best, but you demand so much, I can hardly keep up with your demands".

I've also noticed that in most of our arguments she takes the position of the victim, and blames me for "picking a fight", and often lists good things she's has done and says in comparison how little I have done x or y. Just a few days ago she said "if this is you trying your best for me, I dread to think what you not trying at all would look like". Whenever we have a fight, it's usually me who ends up apologizing and trying to bring back the peace. She may also apologize or acknowledge her part in the situation, but not always. And I don't mind apologizing and acknowledging my mistakes, of course, but it's started to feel strange how I'm 99% of the time the one apologizing for things and I feel like the role of the scapegoat is being pushed on me.

Aside from her big upset/hurt reactions, I feel like she often expects me to read her mind. She might say she is okay with x and I act accordingly, then she's upset because I didn't realize that what she REALLY wanted me to do was y. Once when we were sightseeing, she arrived to our meeting spot and said she was hungry. I asked if she'd like to buy something quick to eat on the go because we had tickets to a place where you had to enter at a certain time, and the time frame was approaching. She didn't really comment on my suggestion. Then we separated at the place we visited, and some time later she texted me that she left, and proceeded to stay out until late night without telling me where she was. When she got back to the hotel, she was upset at me for not taking care of her and dropping everything and telling her we have to find something to eat, and asked "should I attempt suicide before you take my hurt seriously or what". When I replied she should tell me directly what she wants and needs, not expect me to read between the lines (because honestly - if I was hungry, I figure it's my responsibility to either grab something to eat before going to places, OR tell my partner that I'd like eat something right at that moment). She doesn't take it well when I call her out on expecting me to mind read. She usually starts crying and tells me to "stop it".

She's also jealous of my best friend and seems to suspect we have something going on and that I'd rather be with my best friend. As a result I've started hiding how much I talk to my best friend altogether. My gf has also accused me of trying to hit up old "exes" (read: I followed someone I originally met on a dating app but we were never anything but platonic with each other on social media, and my gf didn't like this). Meanwhile she kept in touch with an old ex of hers in secret - an ex that's tried to hit on her when we were already together too. She doesn't want to give this "friendship" up.

Sometimes I also feel like she's… paranoid almost and it worries me tbh. There's her suspicion about my best friend, and sometimes she's also accused me of gaslighting her and even trying to plot against her with her own friends (yeah). When she's upset I feel like she also often assumes my intention is to hurt her, that I'm hostile towards her, that I despise her (she's e.g. said things like "do you really hate me that much?!" and "am I that repulsive to be around and touch??"), etc. It's pretty hurtful because I have no interest in hurting her on purpose, not even when I'm really upset and angry at her. I hold my tongue a lot so I wouldn't blurt out hurtful things that might cross my mind in the heat of the moment. Sometimes I also feel like she's gaslighting ME almost, such as when she says something provocative and then accuses me of "picking a fight" when I reach my limit and respond. At those times she also usually claims that I "fly into a rage", even though I think that I'm annoyed/angry, yes, but I don't yell, scream profanities or call her names, etc. But she claims I'm "raging" and that I've even said things I really don't recall saying. When I try to defend myself, she says "maybe you just were so heated you don't even remember it". Idk it just makes me question whether I'm crazy and whether I really am abusive and violent and what have you.

She's told me she'd like to hear about things that upset/anger me as well, and that she'd like to support me to express my feelings, even strongly if needed. But at the same time it feels like often when I DO express my annoyance, however mildly that is, she thinks it's the wrong time or place and then I get berated for not taking her feelings into consideration and being insensitive. Sometimes when she's said something that sounds hurtful/mean to me (such as the comment about me living alone), she twists it around to say "oh no, I was actually trying to ask whether you'd need more space and time for yourself because I care about you so much. I wasn't trying to imply you should move out of our home". Idk if she does it purpose to manipulate me, or if she doesn't realize things she says contradict each other.

I know it's popular to call everyone BPD-chan or a narc and I definitely know I can't armchair diagnose, but sometimes I wonder whether my gf does have some borderline type of characteristics at least lol. We're gonna meet a couples counselor and I know all of this probably sounds pretty bad esp now that I wrote it down, so idk whether advice is needed. Maybe I just wanted to let all of this out and perhaps see if someone has gone through a similar situation, and wants to weigh in if you had enough patience to read my blogpost.

No. 429868

>>429821
He would rather be with anyone else but is with you because you were the only one he could get.
This has nothing to do with your value. there are people out there who will want you the way you are. Go meet them and leave this one behind.

No. 429871

>>429821
Gross, throw that scrote away. You deserve way better.

No. 429877

>>429857
tl;dr but if you have to write such a long post about your relationship issues that should be enough to understand that you should leave

No. 429879

>>429857
>almost a year
>live together with her child

Girl leave this mess, involving you with her child that early and MOVING IN TOGETHER is enough of a red flag for a shitty ass mother, her being a bpdemon is just the cherry on top.

No. 429880

>>429857
You should leave, those kinds of people don't get better. I feel bad for the kid, my mom was a cluster B retard as well and now I can't form meaningful bonds

No. 429882

File: 1726411291642.png (260.14 KB, 1190x1188, fkjkk.png)

Tips on how to cope with my moid and I being long-distance for several months? Especially as a jealous person?
He's very unlikely to cheat, by the way. His situation minimizes the possibility by a lot.
I was in a LDR once before but it was somewhat bearable since we hadn't met in person. Still fucking sucked but this sucks in a new way.

No. 429890

>>429821
Break up with this faggot

No. 429896

>>429882
im in a ldr and although my bf wouldnt cheat he watches porn which is basically simulated cheating to me. im considering dumping him over it because he has a pretty severe problem and cant seem to go a day without it (he claims he can but i know his trademark behaviors now after he's been watching it so i can always tell)

No. 429906

>>429896
Why are you just considering it?? He should’ve been gone like yesterday.

Ugh I love all you nonas and I was ITT spilling my feelings years ago, so I have mad empathy. But I feel like this entire thread is a case that proves the nonas in the Love After Porn thread correct — that when you’re dealing with men, you’re either a single woman or cucked, physically or emotionally. Even nonas ITT dating women seem to have it rough.

No. 429995

>>429896
Controversial for here but even my ex-gf watched porn while in our ldr and I don’t care too much about it. It will randomly anger me because I’m insane and it’s an excuse for me to chimp out and exert control, but usually I understand. I get off to people outside of the relationship myself so I won’t be a hypocrite. As long as my partner continues to physically belong to me and doesn’t put my body at risk for disease it is what it is. They could just use their imaginations to pseudo-cheat if they wanted.

I am confident my current bf isn’t too porn focused. He was a virgin before me and didn’t break his dick which is the only evidence I accept because men can lie. He’s also on meds now that I suspect are affecting his libido a bit.
Just wish there was a way to control the thoughts that he will cheat and bring back super aids to me. I don’t want to be tempted each day to send him rants about how much I suddenly hate him and want him dead.

No. 430002

The relationship is probably dead for me when I (a really really jealous person) feel nothing at the thought of her dating someone else, huh.

No. 430005

>>429995
my bf was a virgin, on meds and also had a working dick but he was severely porn addicted. just because a man can still get strong erections doesnt mean he isnt a PA. just saying.
>i get off to people outside the relationship
personally i dont do this, im extremely loyal and prone to 'oneitis' as moids term it, i want someone who can match my loyalty level, if not im fine being alone. everyone is different and thats fine.

No. 430019

File: 1726439752258.jpeg (49.88 KB, 629x656, IMG_6667.jpeg)

I’m in a 4 year long relationship with a really sweet guy but I’ve come to the realisation that what I want out of life and relationships doesn’t align with him anymore. We’re on different paths. I know I need to talk about this with him and realise it’s probably going to end in us breaking up, but this is my first relationship, my first everything. Just thinking about having that conversation and putting us both through that inevitable pain fucks me up. Do nonas have any advice or tips with how to approach this, and how to cope with the fallout? I know time heals all but I’m scared of how bad it’s going to hurt

No. 430044

Anyone else suffered from a weird dynamic where you know your partner 'settled' for you while idealizing other people? This has happened in my last two relationships and it really fucks me up mentally. My ex bf was still obsessed with a girl that he only briefly talked to online for a couple weeks, even by the end of our relationship he was still checking her social media daily and writing about her in a journal he kept secret from me. I feel like the same thing is now happening in my current relationship too, and I'm kind of devastated. My bf is still in a somewhat limerance/parasocial relationship with an online girl too that he hasnt fully gotten over yet. I feel like this is an emotional betrayal to me and I'm extremely mad since finding out about it. He insists he loves me and wants to be with me yet wont let this other girl go. I'm tired of it and feel like this keeps happening to the point I'm getting demoralized and wondering what's wrong with me if I can't captivate my own bf like a random other girl can.

No. 430059

>>430044
does it make you feel any better that if he ever got with his online gf irl that he would immediately start cucking her with another online gf?

No. 430068

>>430044
yeah, I've been there. it sucks, but the fact that you have clear eyes about the situation means you can be smart about it if you can bring yourself to stop treating him as YOUR number one choice and simply use him until you find something better. let him stop being a priority to you instantly and remind yourself that you're settling and just keeping him around to pay for dinner and give you head until you can find a real relationship. if you can't manage to disengage, then breaking up would be best, I bet.
there's nothing wrong with you. you're probably young enough that you're surrounded by stupid men and a little unlucky. some people are really good at appreciating the people they have and some people are always looking out for better or comparing their real girlfriends to an imaginary standard. I hope you can find someone who makes you feel loved someday.

No. 430089

>>430044
what ive found is that men are actually much more hypergamous than women are, despite insisting the opposite. 4-5/10 schlubby average joes always stay pining for the 9-10/10 girl who rejected them, and never truly get over it. males are extremely entitled and always think they deserve more than they really do. its likely your moid is your looksmatch and there's a high chance you're better looking and a better person than he is, but due to his hypergamous, mid moid nature, he'll always stay simping for girls way out of his league even when he has a perfectly good woman at his side. many such cases.

No. 430092

>>430044
why do you end up being with these men, have some self respect.

No. 430094

>>430092
Why does any woman end up with a shitty moid? Men are expert liars and usually hide the worst aspects of their personalities and true nature until after they've already reeled the woman in.

No. 430096

>>430094
she knew about this shit and leaving a relationship is an option anytime. It's pretty obvious when a moid is preoccupied with another woman so making the choice to enter a relationship with one is either lack of experience or ignoring red flags. Also leaving a relationship is always an option and you should never date someone who is internally much more interested in someone else but dating down because that person is inaccessible. If stuff like this comes out later in the relationship, simply leave

No. 430100

>>430096
She said 'since finding out about it' and 'kept secret from me' which implies they both hid the fact from her until later on in the relationship. If it was that easy for people to just 'leave' then 1/3 of women wouldnt have experienced an abusive relationship, but here we are. No abusive or toxic relationship starts out toxic or abusive, that's the whole point. Moids only decide to whack their gfs over the head with this shit once she's in love and comfortable with him and bonded.

No. 430102

>>430100
>>430096
And she's almost clearly left the first relationship only to be met with similar circumstances again. Some of you really just want an excuse to yell at women who got duped rather than the men who are behaving like scumbags.

No. 430103

>>430100
I've been in abusive relationships and the red flags are there even before you enter them, people just tend to ignore them or are unaware what they signify. That's why you gotta educate yourself and build up self respect and confidence. Not trying to shit on that nona btw. I know the feeling too well. I just think ending up with people like that comes from a lack of self worth because you can usually tell something is off from the beginning, but you decide to not trust your gut and then it turns out you were right. And yeah, from what I head it takes about 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Education is key to not fall for their shit and to not become too attached when being with someone. It sucks

No. 430172

i'm writing this because the situation happened again. I don't think I have ever been asked out on a date by a guy, I'm usually the one asking them. even if they are clearly interested and sometimes we would talk a lot before, no one ever asks me first. I usually get inpatient after a while and ask them and in all the situations they said yes. all my relationships started this way
I don't mind it that much and I prefer to ask then wait for weeks, but today I started wondering wtf is wrong with me. Like I can't tell if I'm so hot that men are intimidated, or so ugly that no one would bother unless I offer a date myself. or maybe i’m just super inpatient, idk anymore. is this normal?

No. 430176

>>430172
People are just lazy and complacent these days. A lot of them want everything served to them without any effort or risk taken from their side - they are npcs who don't take charge in their lives. You could also have some behavioral patterns that make you choose people like that - for example, one or both of your parents weren't proactive and didn't initiate contact with you when you were growing up, or your parents could have been extremely controlling. Things like that can make you "blind" to people who behave differently so you unconsciously find yourself around people who don't take charge and the ones who do can look unattractive, annoying, bossy or even threatening, like they want to take away your autonomy and trap you.
This can be also caused by the culture you live in or location. Some cultures tend to be more passive in general and the people there seem to just settle. You can go on a holiday to a different country and see if this keeps happening.

No. 430178

>>430176
Samefag but another thing that is a factor here that I found is the internet and perceived availability. People are under the impression that everyone is always available to them all the time because of social media and communicators etc. so they don't put so much value on spending actual time together. They think they have access to an unlimited pool of partners so they are under the impression there is someone out there that is better than what's in front of them so they don't want to put in the energy to initiate any kind of commitment.
A lot of people are also addicted to social media and their phones in a very nasty way that makes them stop using their brains (the npc thing) and they are tired all the time and have diminished brain power and decision making abilities because of this.

Just try to find someone normal and don't overinvest in people from the very beginning. If you put a lot of effort in the beginning the person will just assume this is your normal and they don't have to do anything. Put in a bit of effort and see if it's reciprocated. If it's not, let them leave. You can't expect yourself to do 80 or even 90% in a relationship constantly, but if they don't reciprocate in the beginning and wait for you to make all decisions, initiate all the time etc. you can't expect them to do that at any point of the relationship later and it usually gets worse over time - and this happens in all relationships, not just romantic ones.

No. 430180

>>430176
This is very nice way of saying that i'm into passive loosers xd
But i don't think this is do much culture thing, beacuse i live on Poland and people here are passive but patriarchal and 99% of the time it's men who ask women out. This is me issue(xd)

No. 430181

>>430172
Samefag again but you should also be stingy with your time. If you spend a lot of time talking to the guy before he does anything to build the relationship he will treat you as a commodity. You already are giving him so much for free, why should he try? If your availability is high then your perceived value is lowered so there is no incentive to pursue or "pin you down" for lack of better term. Being all buddy buddy with a guy and listening to all their worries just ends up in you wasting your time and being used by the moid for advice and emotional support while he gives nothing and expects you to assume both the female and male role in the relationship while he can be the child

No. 430184

>>430180
Interesting, I live in Poland and think this is a cultural issue. In France, Spain, Italy men are much more proactive. Polish men are emotionally castrated due to tons of generational trauma. And you will rarely find women openly talking about asking a man out since that is decreasing her social value, people lie about a lot of shit like this all the time.

Anyway the trick to this is to not make any moid feel special. You should not single one moid out and talk to him on hours over discord but be in social settings more, where you give about the same amount of attention to all the men you want to interact with, but never go home and talk with one of them for hours because he will think he's so special and already won. This will cause them to want to compete. They are really dumb. Also some moids need to see that you are attractive to other moids before they can decide if they want you. If a lot of guys look like they want you, then they get more motivated to pursue you lol

No. 430185

>>430184
Also never compliment a guy's appearance and only give him praise for difficult or outstanding achievements that required time and effort. Only be interested in what he is doing in the material reality. Don't be afraid of giving a "meh" reaction if you are not impressed

No. 430188

So my bf's friend impersonated him and told me he wants to break up, which obviously made me panic and then my bf was like he's joking and messing around, claiming his friend is just trying to taunt him. I know that his friend is a bit of a nutcase, but even so why the hell would he impersonate him to say that of all things. I asked my bf if he talked with him about planning to break up with me and he said no. I asked him if his friend dislikes me and he said no. I'm just afraid my bf told his friend something about breaking up but not having the courage and his dumbass friend decided to tell me directly in the worst way possible. I really felt humiliated, as if they're both hiding things from me and making fun of me and I'm also annoyed at my bf for not confronting his friend about this

No. 430189

>>430188
I forgot to add this, but what advice can you give me in this situation? Should I press my bf any further? Was it really just a joke?

No. 430192

>>430189
Maybe distance yourself and say you need some time for yourself and see how he behaves.

No. 430193

>>430192
I'm so frustrated because I don't think I've done anything for him to want to break up with me and even less for his friend to treat me like disposable trash, I gave him freedom and space, I never asked about other girls, I did all his sexual fantasies and I've been nothing but honest and supportive, always there for him. He's always been such a great and amazing guy and he treated me really well, I don't understand why would he suddenly change his stance on me and lose his feelings…

No. 430196

>>430193
sometimes you can be too good to a guy. Also his friend not liking you is a big red flag. Wait it out and try to relax and distract yourself, maybe smoke some weed or go on a trip, start a new activity where you meet people like dancing or gym and see how your bf behaves and how you feel

No. 430197

>>430188
The fact that your boyfriend isn't cutting out this friend immediately is proof that he isn't as good as you say he is. Your boyfriend should be afraid of you being offended or upset, but he clearly gives no fucks. And in the worst case scenario, your boyfriend is lying and he's too chicken shit to break up with you directly so he pulls a juvenile stunt like this.
>>430193
>I gave him freedom and space, I never asked about other girls, I did all his sexual fantasies and I've been nothing but honest and supportive, always there for him.
You never overextend yourself for a man unless he proves time and time again that he will go above and beyond for you. I can tell that you're a giver and ofc you'll be frustrated because most men are passive and take take take.

No. 430200

>>430197
nta my first idea after reading that story was that he wrote it himself to see her reaction and used his friend to avoid responsibility…

No. 430201

>>430196
He claims that his friend is not bothered by me, and I don't understand why would he be in the first place because we exchanged only a few words at most, I don't usually interact with him.
>>430200
We were playing a game and he was at his friend's house and he went to the bathroom and his friend apparently typed that during that moment. He said it himself that it would be a pussy move to break up with me in this weird context and I want to believe him, but idk if it was his friend who came up with this idea to taunt me. He's usually very mature and levelheaded and our relationship seems to be going so well, I don't understand why would he retort to such childish games

No. 430202

>>430188
Moids are too chickenshit to hold each other accountable so don't get your hopes up. Assuming he isn't pulling a "my cousin sent that haha" stunt.

No. 430205

>>428779
lying to you is NOT OKAY. I would not be comfortable with his behavior at all. I would have taken him up on his offer to delete her and end the friendship. He is being dishonest and disrespectful to you. Call that shit out

No. 430207

>>428963
This is so true, and it’s so hard to hear/read this when you’re inside the relationship. You really don’t want to believe it and your brain will try to give you ways to make sense of it/make it ok/make you feel guilty. Don’t gaslight yourselves ladies. Don’t feel guilty over someone treating you bad and you reacting to it. Stand up

No. 430208

>>428967
I feel like when guys act like this it’s because they are hiding a porn problem but I might be projecting. But what other reason would they have a “low libido” and not want to try to seduce their real life woman. Just saying. But yeah straight up tell him that you’re not satisfied. Tell him to man up and make you feel like a woman and if he can’t get it together then leave his boring ass.

No. 430209

>>430201
Maybe it's a sign from the universe that it's not like it seems

No. 430211

>>429821
why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel like shit about yourself?
you deserve to be with someone who adores everything about you, even anything you perceive as a flaw, they should adore because it’s part of you. Dump this bitch

No. 430212

>>429896
what do you even get out of this, he’s not physically present and he watches porn even though you don’t like it. Seems like all negatives, dump him

No. 430219

>>430019
Not every break up has to be full of drama and pain. You can still be friends after this. But maybe talk with him first and see, there could some room to make adjustments. Dragging a relationship you've outgrown is also painful.

No. 430240

>>430208
NTA and you’d normally be right but I did date someone for a long time who did actually have low T and didn’t want to get treated bc he was a stubborn asshole. I got hotter and hotter thru gym and self care and he let himself go. To be fair he was super into sex when we had it……..we just rarely had it. He never initiated bc he was super passive too and expected me to do all the work. All I know is no matter the reason it feels like shit to want sex more than your scrote so I hope you can resolve this issue in one way or other nonna

No. 430254

>>429877
Kek that's fair, and in retrospect I think I should've rather posted that in the Vent thread

>>429879
Idk if I'm retarded but is moving in together within the first year of relationship that unusual? Of course there's a bunch of problems to put it mildly. Her kid lives with us biweekly and she seems like a devoted mom. I'm the one she gets mad at but she's never snappy like that with her kid, not that it's still great for me kek

No. 430295

How do I stop feeling irked by hearing about my boyfriend's sexual and relationship history? We have a great relationship but I really don't like to imagine him with anyone else, even in the past. I have no problem talking about my history when prompted and he doesn't mind at all. How do I word it that I don't really like him sharing things back when we're discussing certain topics or using some situations as examples? Should I even try to word it or what can I do to stop feeling like this? I feel like it's dumb.

No. 430297

>>430295
>"I dont want to hear about your previous relationship"

No. 430393

>>430295
I'm in the same boat but it's not even just sexual history, it's about my Nigel's past in general. He was a pretty nasty person in his youth and did a lot of bad things, used a lot of people, used to be a bully etc and when he tells me stories of things he used to do it just makes my skin crawl and I feel sad. I usually just change the subject, get up and go into the kitchen to get something or put something on tv tbh to make him shut up. It makes him mad but I just ignore that too.

No. 430394

>>429821
I really wanna know if you broke up with him, anon

No. 430397

>>429484
You know if someone threatens suicide you're obligated to call the cops, right?

No. 430412

>dating bf for well over a year
>today had one big blowup fight about how he doesn't try enough
>kept telling me he understood how I felt but that he was trying
>what are you even doing?
>couldn't tell me how he was trying
>talk it out, says he will try harder
>15 minutes later breaks down
>asks if he can tell me something
>tells me ever since we started dating he's been scared of investing too much because he's scared we'll just break up
>scared I'll just stop liking him
Okay anons I'll be real this freaked me the fuck out. We've been dating for over a year and have made decisions for our futures which include us both. And he tells me he's scared of fully investing? He says he's sorry and that he will do better. How fucked am I? Has anyone been in a relationship like this?

No. 430414

>>430412
i think it depends on why. does he have weird blackpill/incel tendencies? like obviously if he has previous relationship trauma he needs to work on communicating with you but that's not nearly as bad as him just falling for weird manosphere talking points.

No. 430415

>>430412
my ex was similar. As long as the relationship wasn't serious was ok but when we were about to move in together, he just disappeared the same day we looked at an apartment (he didn't die or anything lol just went back to his parents). Funnily enough he was the one who was pushing for us to rent an apartment for months because we were staying at my family home. Now I'm allergic to indecisive whiny men who come up with weird shit excuses for not putting in effort.

No. 430416

>>430412
He's scared you'll stop liking him but he can't even explain how he's trying in your relationship. He's worried you'll discover how much of a minimum-effort kind of a person he is. He was expecting you to just be gullible. Ask him how he'll improve in trying. If he can't come up with 3 solid goals for that, dump his ass.

No. 430423

>>430414
No incel tendencies but he's only been in two relationships including our current one and his last relationship ended kind of messy but they were teenagers then. I knew him back then and he did not take it well and thought he was going to get back together with her (not in a creepy way but in a sad delusional way), they planned on moving in together but before they had the chance she dumped him and stopped talking to him.
>>430415
This makes me so nervous because we are planning on moving in together. He said he's scared I'll just stop liking him once we move in but we've spent plenty of time together in close quarters living together during small trips and stuff.
>>430416
Oof you're right in that he's a more bare minimum guy. That's why we had a blow up fight. The thing that keeps me from dumping him is the fact that he has greatly improved since we have begun dating and has had a lot of growth. He is so different from his messy breakup relationship and has been consistently different and better so I don't think it's a fluke.

Thank you for the advice nonnas. I gave him expectations to meet. He said he will do better and that he will put his all in it. I told him that I didn't want to date someone who isn't fully invested because I plan to stay with him for a long time, potentially even marriage but of course we are nowhere near that and still have things to learn and behaviors to change, and he said he completely understood and that he was sorry for causing so many problems.

No. 430428

I texted her three months ago but she ignored me but I want to text her again. I know I’m a loser but I want her. Is it worth doing or is this a really bad idea?

No. 430437

>>430428
Don’t do it.

No. 430439

>>430428
Do it one last time and if it doesn't work out, just leave it.

No. 430526

>>430428
Nooo every time you do it the person's opinion about you gets worse, trust me. Even if she suddenly wrote or called you after those months now you should not reply.

No. 430540

File: 1726584241167.jpeg (26.45 KB, 563x531, 77cfebbea21b01c74a3295300027d5…)

>>418013


im the nonnie who posted this, >>384924 , about a man online (22 years my senior). soooo turns out he's super serious about me, we've met multiple times and in a month ill be maxing out my visa and staying with him for a few months !!! after that, i plan on moving to him in the new year.

now im wondering, how do i tell my family i plan (am fully set on)moving to another continent? they're very against it and dont want to me to. im torn. i feel selfish for wanting to go there, but i know that i cant prioritise their comfort over my life. has anyone done this for their nigel? ill be moving 6,000 miles away

No. 430541

>>430540
You're not selfish just naive. But you were told that 6 months ago.

No. 430542

>>430541
he's spent thousands both flying out to see me and bringing me to him, ontop of providing for me in other ways. i see how it could be risky, but if he was some piece of shit, i feel like it wouldve been obvious by now, no? he's also met my parents despite the huge distance, they generally like him, just dont want me to move.

No. 430543

>>430540
don't move in, if it's possible rent a place in the same city and date at least for a year. people who want their partners to move in so quickly are often narcs or other deranged people

No. 430545

>>430542
You'll be very vulnerable and completely isolated from your family. You can't underestimate how unfavorable your position will be in the power dynamic once you're there. He has the money, he speaks the language, he knows the country and how everything works, he has a social network, he's physically stronger, he's got 20 years of life experience on you.

>i feel like it wouldve been obvious by now, no?

No? People (men) change once they've locked down (marriage or baby trapped) their partner all the time. Even happened to my own mom and she only moved 20 minutes away.

You'll be completely at the mercy of someone you don't know well. No you don't know him well. I'm not saying there's absolutely no chance this couldn't actually turn out to be a good thing, I'm saying you're putting yourself in an incredibly risky, vulnerable position. Even if he means well now. You wouldn't be the first woman trapped abroad with no one to turn to, there's even been multiple anons on here in that position.

No. 430546

>>430540
>>430542
Please don't do it. Him paying for you doesn't mean shit. Men also pay for prostitutes and whores. It's not a real sacrifice. What IS a real sacrifice is you throwing away everything you've ever known, your family, your stability, to be a live-in bangmaid for a creepy old geezer who can't even get a woman his own age. He's putting you in a risky and dangerous situation just for his satisfaction. That is not love. Men should be going the extra mile for you. If he's letting you deliver yourself to him like some sort of commodity he doesn't love you.

No. 430556

>>430546
Yeah the fact he's importing a girlfriend twenty years younger than him instead of dating a local woman his own age says a LOT. And a LOT about your age for seeing nothing wrong with it.

No. 430564


No. 430566

>>430540
damn, what a retard

No. 430590

>>430542
nonnie haven't you seen all those horror stories of men trooning out after years of marriage as soon as their wife gets pregnant?

No. 430592

>>430540
what do you think is more realistic: a.) that you're just sooooo special and amazing that it took him going online and talking to a girl 20 years younger than him in another country to find his soulmate or b.) there's something obviously fucking wrong with him if he can't find anyone local and in his age range to date

No. 430631

>>430540
Some of you bitches are so retarded. See you in a few months in the vent thread where you'll be ranting about your Nigel being an abusive narc and asking for sympathy from anons in the thread. I don't feel bad for retards like you.

No. 430638

>>430540
You are literally retarded. Nobody thinks your relationship is interesting or cool nor will it turn out in your favor. You are quite literally vulnerable, naive, retarded, and making the dumbest decisions of your life while avoiding legitimate advice.

No. 430668

Is your boyfriend turning cold and distant and depressed around you out of nowhere a sign he lost feelings for me?

No. 430669

>>430668
And when I point it out why does he suddenly start overcompensating by being extra nice to me? Why does he still want me in his life?

No. 430724

File: 1726633783869.jpeg (9.77 KB, 270x301, 72275ef447f14967d74bd796a53be2…)

>>430638
>>430631
>>430592
>>430590
>>430564
>>430566
>>430556
>>430546
>>430545

im very well aware of the risks, and im grateful to have a very solid support structure with parents who would fly out/financially support me in a heartbeat if i was in danger or being abused. i dont put up with abusive shit from anyone, ever. ive dealt with disgusting and abusive moids, witnessed it with friends/familu and if he even showed a sign of that behaviour, it would be nipped in the bud and i would be gone. im not here to defend my relationship or preach about how good it is, because the reality is that none of you know me, him, what our relationship is like or the justifications for it. i appreciate you all for being rational and telling me to look out, ive heard and discussed all of these concerns with family members and friends already - who are now very supportive of our relationship.

i posted here for advice on moving overseas to be with a romantic partner, not to be talked out of it. if anyone has any legit advice pertaining to that, i would love to know(avatarfagging)

No. 430740

>>430724
he's literally going to kill you but have fun, girl.

No. 430741

>>430724
Even if he's not abusive (I really hope for your sake he truly isn't) I just feel sad for you. 22 years older? You'll be the one changing his diapers when you're his age. Is that really what you want?

No. 430744

>>430724
youre incredibly naive… moving to another country away from your entire family and support system for a grandpa is completely retarded. youre not going to find a hugbox here. i just pray he doesnt kill or sexually assault you

No. 430750

>>430724
Why are you doing all of this, is he rich at least?

No. 430751

nonnies is it bad that i really dont want to be in a relationship with someone im not physically attracted to?
Ive been putting myself out there seriously but im feeling frustrated in myself and a bit burnt out from dating. The attractive men ive dated act like theyre too good to settle down, are broke or have no personality/are weird and the financially stable and responsible men with similar interests as me are unattractive (either physically, in insecure body language or through little things like having a voice thats higher pitched than mine)
The majority of my friends are married (im 30) and their husbands are all unattractive in my eyes.
My longest relationship ended when my ex cheated, blaming me for never initiating intimacy (he was my best friend but i wasnt attracted to him physically)
After a short fling with the most attractive man ive ever dated, im struggling to imagine being partnered with someone who I dont find hot even if theyre my best friend or provide for me.
Am i being unreasonable? do people find fulfillment in relationships with partners they dont find physically attractive?

No. 430755

>>430751
thats completely normal lol

No. 430756

>>430751
Never ever settle anon, you are going to regret it for your entire life.

No. 430759

>>430724
See you here again in a few months

No. 430762

>>430724
when shit goes sour don't act surprised like you weren't warned nona. the other nonas are right, you are being incredibly naive. sure we don't know you, him, or the relationship dynamic. but knowing someone for 7 months and moving to a different continent for them when they are 22 years older than you is just preposterous. those types of age gaps do not go well no matter how well you guys work together right. down the line there will be problems. you guys are going to realize how much your differences set you apart if he isn't a predator at the very least. even a 12 year difference with someone can be strange, considering how different each others life experiences are. i'm not even talking about taking care of him down the line, there's major differences in age gaps like that. your parents going to fly you home when you're a widow in less then 20 years? not like it'd work out for that long, unless he's loaded with money and is incredibly emotionally immature for his age. guys who can't find women their own age or seek out younger women have problems, that's just a fact.
you like older men? find someone 10 years older than you when you're at least 30, someone whos local. this is a bad idea. there's a reason why no one is saying it's an okay idea. if you're this serious about him, surely you two can wait longer? or better yet, why can't he move to where you are in a few years if you guys are really making such big decisions together? nona… it's not sounding good no matter how you spin it.

No. 430763

>>430762
Yes. Fast marriages typically happen in a context where both families know each other and can vet for the man. There's a whole song and dance where your parents ask around, almost spying on the guy to make sure he's a suitable husband. Travelling across seas to be with a man your support system doesn't know is asking for trouble. Had a friend who did exactly this and she 'ghosted' everyone (was completely severed from her friends and family) for years. She was in a country she barely knew, couldn't go outside and was stuck 24/7 with her screaming kids. Most people can't comprehend this level of loneliness, not even hikki NEETs. Don't be an idiot

No. 430764

>>430762
>>430763
>>430740
>>430741
>>430744
>>430750

why do you all act like he's gonna be geriatric? in 20 years, he'll still be working. he's very physically active, healthy, and absolutely doesnt look his age

if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different. im not here for a hugbox, which is actually why im posting on the farms. you ladies are honest and i appreciate different perspectives and input. however none of you are saying anything new to me and are blatantly ignoring where i mentioned my parents have vet him, i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etc

our ideals and personalities are very closely aligned, he's hot as fuck, is stable and makes good money. so why not? why should i stay in my shitty little town and get married at 30 to some rando i have nothing in common with? me moving to where he lives is a long long process too and we have to jump through a lot of hoops. its not happening anytime soon

No. 430766

>>430764
Assuming you're 20, that means he's 40. There just isn't any possible way "he's hot as fuck" kek. As you get older he gets even older. When you're 40 he will be 60. Whatever I guess, if you want to be retarded then go ahead kek.

No. 430769

>>430764
>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different.
No shit, because a job gives you money, experience, a support system and stability even if you have to move for it. Moving overseas for a man is likely to leave you socially isolated and financially vulnerable. The fact that you don't see the difference is only further proof of your poor judgement.

Anyway just stop posting and do whatever you want, clearly you're convinced of the superiority of your creepy old moid and your infallible taste in creepy old moids but sane anons are never going to respect a relationship like that.

No. 430770

Hi

I've been in a steady relationship for nearly 2 years now. We dated previously in high school on and off, but it was never as serious as it is now. He has his flaws, like his messy appartment and his gaming habits, but overall he's genuinely caring, cares about my well-being and happiness and would do everything to make me feel safe and cared for.

Now, for the past 3 weeks I had been thinking about a long distance ex, who I was dating for 1,5 years after I broke it off due to overbearing parents who would quite literally not let me go see him. He did come to see me irl. Due to me repressing everything about this relationship I can't remember much. I know I was a bitch to him when we broke up because I was 17, scared and hurt. It was easier to push him away.

So, 2 weeks ago I sent him a text after not talking for 3+ years, apologising. We started talking again and just yesterday he told me he's still not over me, would've moved to my country for me, done everything for me etc… And I just sobbed. Because he was saying goodbye, permanently this time. Maybe this is just nostalgia, and I'm romanticising this for no reason other than that. Because what I do remember is him not wanting to post me, following all kinds of e-thots like belle delphine and not listening to my concerns when I brought them up etc..

But now i'm torn, I love my boyfriend so much, but i'm also dealing with these conflicting feelings. I've been nauseous for the past 3 days, I haven't been able to eat much at all.

What the fuck do I do? How do I figure this out? What the fuck??

No. 430772

>>430764
>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different
Of course it would be different, you would be doing it for yourself and not for some moid, you'll be isolated as fuck if you move countries just for this reason.
>i mentioned my parents have vet him
Parents are not always right.
>i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etc
No you don't, having met them a few times is not "knowing them".
>our ideals and personalities are very closely aligned
Maybe he's pretending to be on the same wavelength as you just to secure you? Wouldn't be the first time it happened with a moid, especially on an LDR.
>he's hot as fuck
Doubt.jpg
>why should i stay in my shitty little town and get married at 30 to some rando i have nothing in common with?
You don't need to do that either.
>me moving to where he lives is a long long process too and we have to jump through a lot of hoops. its not happening anytime soon
And hopefully you'll change your mind before this point.
But there's no point in arguing with you, you sound very young so the more we tell you to break up with him the more you'll insist he is the love of your life. Let's just hope you wake up before he gets abusive.

No. 430773

>>430764
you clearly aren't listening and it's sad. we aren't all acting like he's geriatric, several other crucial points were made and you're just covering your ears and repeating yourself. do you really need our approval so much? if you wanted cheerleaders you should have gone asked some women with less experience. i really don't know what you expected here. you've clearly made up your mind so go out and make this shitty decision on your own.
>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different.
correct. because that's an entirely different situation. you'd be moving for a job. that's… not even close to similar to what's going on here. i would advise ANY woman i know against moving continents to be with a man she's known less than a year. any woman. let alone a man who is 22 years older. i brought up >>430762 several points, so for you to boil it down to "why are you all acting like he's geriatric?" is a bit ridiculous.
>so why not?
we thoroughly explained why not. i don't know why you're trying to argue this when it's unanimous. no one is going to cheer you on because it's clearly a bad idea and you just refuse to accept that so i don't know why you came here asking for advice if you were going to be stubborn about it. i don't think anyone here is going to give this a stamp of approval. seriously, why ask for advice in an advice thread if you're going to be this dense and refuse to take any advice that isn't supporting a choice that you will very likely regret. you're fooling yourself.
>however none of you are saying anything new to me and are blatantly ignoring where i mentioned my parents have vet him, i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etc
then why are you here? everyone else around you is clearly as delusional as you are, why do you need our support too? go off and live your shitty dream, no ones stopping you. we advised against it, you are naive and foolish to think that this will work out. again, since you're so certain on it, i don't know why you even bothered asking for advice on here. hoping for your sake he's harmless and as emotionally stunted as you are.

No. 430774

>>430770
Stay with your current bf, just block this other guy. This is only going to cause problems for you. Especially if he was a fuckin porn addict which he sounds like he was, men like that do not change. Trust me

No. 430775

>>430774

I know I should, and I will, it just feels like such a gut punch

No. 430786

>>430770
>Because what I do remember is him not wanting to post me, following all kinds of e-thots like belle delphine and not listening to my concerns when I brought them up etc
And this is the man you want to leave your relationship for? You might no longer have feeling for your bf and that’s why you’re having thoughts about your previous ex and the main reason why you even contacted him and continued to entertain him in the first place without telling your bf I suppose, in my book this counts as emotional cheating kek.
If you’re not happy in your relationship you can leave nonna, you don’t need a big reason to.

But you’ll be an astronomical retard to go back this man. You do you.

No. 430787

>>430770
Nonnas like you piss me off, you’ll have a fine Nigel , decent enough to be with, but chase over porn addict and nonchalant scrotes while keeping the “woe is me” act. Chase shit and find shit, the relationship with your ex didn’t work before , why should it now? Has he shown you any change (since you’re clearly chatting with him behind your bf’s back) or is he just kissing your ass by saying that he still loves you and thinks of you?

No. 430788

>>430770
>We started talking again and just yesterday he told me he's still not over me, would've moved to my country for me, done everything for me etc…
All meaningless words. Also, how the fuck did he come to see you IRL when you were 17? There must have been an age gap which makes him a disgusting creep. Clearly you're not satisfied in your current relationship and that's why you're romanticizing this freak. He's all you know.
>>430787
Her current boyfriend doesn't sound like much of a catch if he's a gamer and can't clean up after himself. Women rarely ever have wandering eyes for shallow reasons. Chances are he's not as great as she says he is and he's not meeting her emotional needs.

No. 430789

>>430788
You do make a good point, I mainly meant that he seems to treat her right from what she said.
She could at least wander her eyes to a better catch, not to another scrote who might even be worse that who she’s with.

No. 430790

>>430788
imo, messy gamer > porn addict who kept her a secret

No. 430792

>>430540
Six months in and you want to move in to a whole other continent already? You’re still in the honeymoon phase too, it’s obvious that the relationship is sailing right now.
This seems like the riskiest move you could ever do. You’ll be having no support system near you, you would be just depending on this man. What if he is a slob? What if he turns abusive?
You should at least do a period test where each of you visits the other for a couple of weeks if you can.

Also you find a good paying job where you’re going too? If you’re currently financially independent in your own country don’t move Jesus Christ. No love can ever compare to having your own freedom and money.

You sound extremely naive nonna.

No. 430793

>>430789
When a woman says shit like "omg my nigel would give me the world!" I take it with a grain of salt unless they give examples. Usually when they are waxing lyrical about their moid without any context he's usually very mid. Women's standards are very low. As evidenced by the fact she's crushing over this porn addict scrote.
>>430790
Men who are gamers are usually porn addicts. Also not cleaning up after himself. All of these point to low-impulse control, he's probably an ADHDemon as well.

No. 430794

>>430542
Lol do you think he’ll show you his true colors when he is still wooing you? Men are not dumb, if he’s a piece of shit , he’ll show it to you when he manages to trap you, by:
- getting you to leave your job
- making you move to another country
- making you pregnant

No. 430795

>>430787
>>430786
>>430788

No you guys are right, this was definitely not an okay move from me. I just needed to throw it all out because I got so nauseous from the confrontation but I can't get in touch with my therapist lol. Thanks for talking some sense into my scrambled, useless brain.

I have avoidant tendencies and I realise I might just be pulling away from my current boyfriend for no reason. My current boyfriend is really good to me, I just have to say the word and he drops everything to come and see me, it's not like he's game-addicted. He also takes my concerns very seriously, when I ask him to change something he won't hesitate to do so.

When he was 20, I was 17. And in hindsight, yeah, that's definitely not okay.

No. 430798

>>430724
That’s exactly how a woman who thinks that she’s so above anything that she would never put herself in a position to be abused like those pitiful battered women thinks
Do you think it happens from 0 to 100? It’s gradual. Nonna it can happen to you and you’re honestly throwing yourself in the lion’s den. Everything is a red flag
> senior of 22 years
> met online
> love bombing
> coaxing you to move in and to live with him
> you’re not even securing a job in his place before moving either

No. 430799

>>430751
Dating a man you don’t find attractive is the most stupid thing you can do. It’s a disservice to yourself. Unattractive men you take pity on aren’t any better than the attractive ones.
Do you see men giving a chance to ugly women? They don’t and they don’t feel guilty about it either. Ugly scrotes even have the audacity to try their luck with women who are out fo their leagues too.

No. 430800

>>430799
And then god forbid, they have children with these uggo men as well, creating more uggo scrotelets.

No. 430806

>>430751
Nonna how would you feel if you found yourself with Daffy Duck just because you settled down?
> You are two months in and his face looks particularly ugly in certain angles but you have to swallow it while thinking “but he’s good to me! I can learn to love him”
> when you have an argument with your Nigel you’ll get even more pissed off because he’s ugly to you,
> you’re having sex with him and his face is right next to yours kek
> he might cheat on you and you’ll think “why the hell did I give a chance to this uggo only for him to do me this dirty?”

No. 430808

>>430803
>>430806
>when you have an argument with your Nigel you’ll get even more pissed off because he’s ugly to you
FUCK. This happened to me. It feels even worse because you expect an ugly guy to worship the ground you walk on if you give him a chance, but really he feels emboldened instead of grateful. At least I dumped his ass in the most humiliating way possible. Never date an ugly moid. It is NEVER worth it.

No. 430815

>>430751

it's better to be alone then be saddled with an ugly moid that you're going to end up resenting if there isn't any attraction there. it's like other nonas have said, especially >>430799 the least you can do for your future self if a future guy turns out to be shit is to never have had to put up with that behavior from a scrote that isn't even attractive enough for you to give the time of day to. Also she's completely right that even the ugly ones would not be thoughtful enough to give a bad looking (and most of the time even just an unconventionally attractive) woman a chance. I am unfortunately in a situation where I am regularly surrounded by fuck ugly scrotes who think that women in an objectively higher tier than them are beneath them - they're fucking 3's who want 11/10's it's ridiculous.

All that being said, no don't date someone if you don't think they are good looking. You deserve butterflies, nonita.

No. 430818

I've been taking antidepressants for a few months now and I have absolutely no desire at all to have sexual intercourse anymore. I also do not masturbate (before antidepressants I would masturbate maybe once per week) and can only reach an orgasm if I really put in a lot of work. Right now it is affecting my new relationship. My boyfriend has a completely normal sex drive and is naturally very excited when we meet each other. Idk what to do anymore. He doesn't know that I am taking antidepressants.

No. 430819

>>430818
communicate with him, you don't have to tell him you're on antidepressants but let him know you're on medication that's lowered your libido, if you want him to know it's not a "him" thing (like not being attracted to him) and if it's upsetting you, talk to your doctor about finding a medicine that doesn't affect you in this way

No. 430824

I just found out the guy I'm talking to made a 30k words phineas and ferb fanfic. How the fuck do I approach this? We're both adults that know each other irl btw

No. 430825

>>430824
how old was he when he made this

No. 430829

>>430724
you're so fucking annoying, no one is going to give you advice about how to ruin your life. also you're obviously mentally retarded if you think your parents 'vetting' him is a seal of approval, they probably just want to unload on the first moid that showed up. they want to be rid of you. no good parents would approve of this situation.

No. 430835

>>430824
Is it phineas x ferb???

No. 430842

>>430825
18, not too long ago.
>>430835
Phineas x isabella

No. 430844

>>430824
>How the fuck do I approach this?
i wouldn't, but that's just me. unless you like the show and wanna bring it up so you can hear him sperg about it… how did you find out? does he seem autistic?

No. 430856

>>430842
Can you share it

No. 430859

>>430844
> how did you find out? does he seem autistic?
He uses the same username on everything and mentioned he had an acc on a fanfic site so I did some digging and found it. Also I’m 99% sure he’s autistic but he’s never explicitly mentioned it. For what it’s worth though I’m autistic as well
>>430856
I don’t want to for privacy sorry kek

No. 430864

>tldr; boyfriend was raped and i dont know if i can stay with him

bf went out of state for a boys trip since all of his friends live in different locations. lots of day drinking and bar hopping but eventually his close friends left and he hung out with the one guy still there and a bunch of his delinquent male family members. saturday night they ended up at a bar with everyone buying rounds and getting hammered. he showed me a $400 bill that was just from his contribution to the alcohol involved. he came home sunday night and told me monday after work about he was raped that night. a girl at the bar kissed him but he didnt kiss her back. he and the buddies were staying in a hotel room. the girl and her friend came to the hotel and my boyfriend said he thought they would have sex with his friends and didnt think anything of it and blacked out and she had sex with him. he does not know this person only that she was spanish. he got immediate STD tests when back home. he told me his friends urged him not to tell me because i would break up with him.

at first i was compleletly supportive but when the second part about her kissing him and her being in the hotel room came up i completely broke down. i broke up with him because i felt i was cheated on. i've never been through this in 10+ years of long term relationships. he wants to discuss it further openly and honestly. am i a bad person for being so angry and heartbroken by him? he has insisted he was sexually assaulted and then raped. i've never felt so ugly and disgusting. will i get over this? i don't know what to say to him when he tells me the details again.

No. 430867

>>430864
He wasn't raped, nonna. He cheated on you and had sex he regretted. Women can't have PIV sex with men who are drunk and unconscious by the way. A man simply isn't going to be erect when blackout drunk.
>i broke up with him because i felt i was cheated on
Good call. Don't let him guilt-trip you into taking him back.

No. 430869

>>430867
why do men hate and think women are worse than them and at the same want to be them, it always blows my mind

No. 430871

>>430864
if i was in your shoes, i wouldn't stay with him either. i think that's that. he made a mistake and it sounds like he's trying to play victim. i would stay away from him. i'm sorry this happened to you nona. don't let him convince you out of it. you are right and justified in how you feel

No. 430873

>>430864
>i broke up with him because i felt i was cheated on.
Honestly, good on you, nona. I'm happy that you broke up with that moid because that sounds like a made up cover story by him. Him having sex with some random woman while drunk aside, this joke spent $400 on alcohol and got piss drunk with his buddies. Do you want to be with a mess like this? Men don't have to blow their money and get drunk to have a good time with "the boys." You're justified in how you feel, and you shouldn't feel bad for what you've decided. His lifestyle and actions are trashy. I hope you'll get over this guy and feel better soon.

No. 430874

>>430869
Because in their dumb peanut brains they think women live life on easy mode. After all, women can get drunk and have sex with random men and say they were raped to avoid responsibility. Yeah, because every woman wants to risk getting raped, abused, and possibly killed just for mediocre dick and no orgasm. And women can make "money" by doing porn or OF… Completely ignoring the fact that most women only get pennies, and these women are severely mentally ill. They need therapy, not sex work.

Notice how everything revolves around sex and how easy it is to get sex and making a living through sex. Men want to be women because they want the "benefit" of whoring themselves out.

No. 430940

>>430864
If he was raped while being severely intoxicated he wouldn’t be trickle feeding you the truth and tell you bits of it each time.
Him and his homies organized it and played it off.
How did this girl and her friend know where they stayed? Because he invited her.
Why did the girl he kissed come back to his hotel? To have sex with him duh, not any of his other friends.
Everything points out to him cheating nonna.
Keep your head up and don’t let him gaslight you.

No. 430945

>>430864
Sounds to me like he took her back to the hotel with him, had sex, regretted it and then made up that he was raped. Even his friends didn't want him to tell you because they knew he was hooking up.

No. 431014

nonas how long do you think the cutoff for ldrs should be before meeting? 6 months? 1 year? 18 months?

No. 431016

>>431014
do you mean how long should you know them before you agree to meet in person, or do you mean how long you should let it go on without seeing each other in person before you end it?

No. 431033

>>431014
You mean meeting for the first time? Within 6 months. More importantly: actual plans to close the gap within 2 years.

No. 431036

>>430864
>"why does nobody take it seriously when men get raped!!"

Men are the ones who lie about getting raped, I'm sorry, he cheated on you and his friends know. Ask them about it

No. 431043

>>431036
I always believe it when a man is raped by another man, but I always take it with a grain of salt when it’s allegedly done by a woman. I’m not saying that it can’t happen, it definitely does happen when it’s a boy and adult woman (that I always believe, death to all pedos), but grown men? Nah

There’s a similar story I stumbled upon on Reddit rn, Op’s boyfriend went on a bachelor party and op got sent a video of bf having sex with a woman, he told her it wasn’t consensual since he was drunk. OP left him anyway and redditors were berating her kek.
You’d rather break up than risk the chance of staying with a cheater pos and the chance of a man cheating is higher than him being raped idc.

No. 431044

>>431043
My solidarity stands with women and children, men can sincerely fuck off since they always dismiss us in the first place and are the main perpetrators. They can advocate for themselves for all I care.

No. 431061

>>431043
>op got sent a video of bf having sex with a woman, he told her it wasn’t consensual since he was drunk
That's bleak. Someone even took the time to video tape that. Good that she left him, like the nona here. Never trust a man who supposedly got "raped" by a woman while drunk.

No. 431095

File: 1726760857577.jpg (926.21 KB, 1300x1740, 1000047811.jpg)

Nonas is it time to dump him?
We have been together for nearly 2 years, we each have our own places but we often live together as well. It kind of seems like he doesn’t care any more and we are on autopilot. He is untidy and I always hate when he stays with me because he is terrible at cleaning up after himself (it’s less bad at his place because he has a maid… now I know why kek)
I thought I would stick it out because he takes me on nice trips, gives me gifts, doesn’t watch porn, we are compatible emotionally, and he is good at sex. But to be honest it’s been 8 months since he even made effort with gifts or vacations, and is increasingly careless with plans (for example making plans with me, then having to cancel because he forgot he has a work commitment, etc). I am increasingly feeling like I would be just as happy single, therefore what’s the point?
The thing holding me back is I know that this happens with a lot of moids and they stop trying after they think you are locked down. Will this just happen no matter what I do?

No. 431116

>>431095
All men stop making effort and take you for granted after the honeymoon phase has worn off, usually around the 1.5-2 year mark.

No. 431127

>bf used to reply super fast
>for the past week he takes like 5 minutes between replies and leaves me on read for hours
he's talking to someone else isnt he…

No. 431194

>>431127
my bf started doing the same thing but not because he's seeing another girl, he plays games all day

No. 431248

bf probably has bpd. wat do?

No. 431285

>>431248
Uh, break up?

No. 431287

boycotting dating apps rn, should i dm a guy i made out with at a party last year? I don't like him but I like the ego boost of a hot guy wanting me

No. 431299

Can I post a guys ig so someone can check for me what he posted on his story? I would use my alt account but instagram will still suggest to him my real one idk why

No. 431304


No. 431307

>>431304
Omg you’re a lifesaver, thank you

No. 431336

Does anyone else feel like disappearing randomly while in a relationship because you dont want to be perceived? Especially through the male gaze. And especially after doing sexual stuff. I feel so cringe sometimes knowing someone else has that picture/perception of me in their mind and I just want to ghost.

No. 431417

when is it appropriate to ask my boyfriend if he sees a future together (ie moving in together, marriage, etc)? this is both of our first relationship and we've been together for a little over half of a year. i know he sees me as someone somewhat long-term (talking about plans for stuff that's 1 or 2 years from now) but i can't tell if he sees me as someone that he would settle down with. i was gonna wait until closer to our one year to ask about this kind of stuff but i wanted to see what other people think idk

No. 431420

>>431417
How old are you guys? I think half a year is a long enough time, especially if you have already been discussing plans for 1-2 years in advance. Maybe you could bring it up casually in a conversation if you don't want to be too upfront, like "what age do you want to get married" "what age do you want to have kids" etc…

No. 431425

>>431248
Convince him to do weird sex shit, of course.
t. Bf and I are bpdfags

No. 431431

Hi nonnies,

I had a gut feeling and checked out the browser history of my boyfriend. He said he wasn’t watching porn anymore, or at the very least way less, because of issues with oral and stuff.

It’s full of porn. Almost every day since “I need it to sleep”. It goes from regular porn, to r34, to OF leaked content, belle delphine etc etc. To even having a separate twitter account to look at nsfw stuff.

God I feel sick, otherwise he’s so good to me, so gentle during sex (I have vestibulodynia so we have issues with sex), we even went without sex for nearly a year while I was awaiting treatment. He pays for nearly everything, picks me up whenever I ask from wherever even if it’s 3 hours away. He says he wants to marry me.

What do I do?

No. 431433

>>431431
First, stop reddit spacing. Second, ask yourself if you really want to be with a man who finds belle delphine attractive.

No. 431434

>>431420
im 20 and he's 19, we're both college students. i feel kinda silly bringing it up because we're both young still but i don't wanna waste my time.

No. 431436

>>431433
Sorry, habit. She popped up once in his search so i’m not sure. I just feel so conflicted because I invested so so so much, our 2 year anniversary is coming up.

No. 431448

>>431431
Nonna you have to ask yourself: do you or do you not want to stay with a porn addict? Don’t think about the good things just about this, Because this is what he fundamentally is. He has an account just for twitter porn and watches porn every night and r34.
Is this the person you want to marry? If you’re fine with it proceed, if you aren’t leave. But staying won’t change anything. You’d rather leave after two years than remain for 20 because you’re scared of being alone or to have wasted your time
I’d rather remain single , even for the rest of my life if all men are like this.

No. 431449

>>431436
You’re 20, you have your whole life ahead of you nonna, come on.

No. 431456

>>431448
>>431449

It's just so heartwrenching, because I just brought it up to him. And we've had issues for a while longer where he was liking suggestive reels and stuff on instagram (you know the sort), I asked him not to do it anymore and he doesn't. The porn thing, I asked to lessen because of our issues and he did for a while but started up again. He told me he "didn't know it was such a big issue for me and that he would stop it entirely". But how can I trust that? He broke my trust once before by texting two girls and having their notifications, and only theirs, silenced. One convo was really nothing, but i'm still confused as to why he silenced it, the other convo was with a girl his ex was friends with, calling her pretty after she sent a selfie. I called him out on it and his explanation was " well I wanted to devote my time to you, so I muted their conversations". My best friend brought up the fact that, why only those convo's? Why not just put your phone on dnd?

Sometimes he changes things, and then sometimes he does dumb shit like this which crushes my trust in him. He got all defensive when I told him I checked his laptop and he doesn't like that I lied to him about doing so. When I told him I wanted some space he just kept following me, wanting to give me a hug, so I went home. I just got a text saying he loved me.

I'm so tired of this.

No. 431478

>>431431
almost everybody watches porn. I literally could not give a shit if someone I'm with watches porn unless he's so bad he's losing sleep over it missing work and can't get hard without it. if that's the case he's trash. it's totally up to you how much it bothers you, it's a fine reason to break up. the issue I see with yours is he said he didn't watch it but he obviously does a lot so he's a fucking liar and he deserves the trash can.
>>431456
> the other convo was with a girl his ex was friends with, calling her pretty after she sent a selfie.
okay so he's just borderline cheating on you and you're dumb if you believe this isn't openly flirting. dump his ass.

No. 431515

>>431456
Ugh, this is why ugos and useless men will never remain alone and die out, there’s always a Red Cross woman ready to sit by their scrote through everything.
He watches soft porn on ig, he watches porn on twitter and therefore watches it on pornhub too, he cheated on you twice (flirting and purposely hiding). He’s a fucking loser.
If you want to vent, vent , but don’t fake asking advice.

No. 431516

File: 1726863755709.jpeg (33.83 KB, 320x208, IMG_8525.jpeg)

>>431456
Just go out and volunteer nonna, you’ll get the same feeling of helping and being better than your average citizen, but the difference is that you’ll be actually doing something productive.

No. 431526

>>431515

I wasn’t looking for advice really, more confirmation of what my gut already knew. But yeah, my mind is made up. He’s getting dumped. Best friend told me he talked to her bf about his “hot fuckbuddies” and his ex who was “super pretty”. I’m starting to see reality and it is bleak lol.

>>431516

I really should lol. Thanks nonnas.

No. 431527

>>431526
Good for you nonna! Take some time for yourself. You’ll find someone for you eventually, don’t get too down.

Spend some time with your friends, maybe take a new hobby too or just take time to relax. It’s okay to miss him too sometimes since you must have liked him for you to give him so many chances, but time will make it pass.

No. 431529

I know it's useless and probably a fault of their own and not mine, but I asked a couple guy friends why they'd prefer NPC women over women who enjoy similar things that they do. Like a lot of my male friends consider me very similar to them, like "one of the bros" and I was like "You wouldn't like a girlfriend who laughed at the same dumbass memes, inside jokes, and like the same things you do?" They said things like how they just have to exist and their girl is happy or it's just easier in general and how the stuff they like is a way to escape and they'd prefer to keep that separate.
I feel so blackpilled, but also at the same time I guess it's a thing where they're weeded out from ever being potential partners.
Like, I've tried to date NPC men before, and it's such an empty feeling. They're basically emotionally closed off, there's no actual deep connection being made. I couldn't feel like I could be myself at all. And there's guys who just live life being like that and actually prefer it?

No. 431535

>>431515
This. Things will never improve for women because there's always pickmes out there willing to be moid footstools. There's literally no incentive for men to behave better, they're still getting sex and tendies regardless.

No. 431536

>>431529
They don't see girlfriends as people and their gf's likes and interests are just something to put up with. They want a girl who won't have opinions and will just be there because they want to be the main character in the relationship and a girl with similar interests could potentially see through their bullshit and might challenge them.
This way the gf just lets him play 'his video games' and as a bonus he can feel smug trying to get her to play a bit because he knows she's just doing it to make him happy.

And if you wonder how they can compartmentalize like that, just look at how many fathers treats their sisters and daughters vs how they treat their wives. A wife/gf to them is a job, she's there to provide services and make babies.

No. 431551

>>431536
this, they dont see women as "people" they just want a doll to sit around and give them sex and stroke their ego. they dont wanna be challenged or emotionally compromised ever

No. 431559

>>431536
>and as a bonus he can feel smug trying to get her to play a bit because he knows she's just doing it to make him happy.
This, it's depressing. If the man and woman have similar interests then the men love actively excluding their gfs from their interests and gatekeeping it from her, if she doesn't know anything about his interests then men get a thrill from making her try something she knows nothing about, partly because it shows she's catering to him and partly so he can feel superior to her when he inevitably is better at it/knows more about it. It's so egotistical.

No. 431562

>>431529
It's probably the same line of reasoning as to why men still watch porn behind their gfs backs, even when they have an attractive gf who is willing to have sex with him. Men just get off on being dishonest and keeping secrets, it's a power trip for them. The more mad she gets, or the more she tries to pry, they more he conceals it from her and gets off on it, knowing he's deceiving her. I genuinely think men get a thrill from deceiving women and shunning their gfs from their inner world. Men are a miserable pile of secrets.

No. 431633

I'm generally repulsed by men's interest in me unless I consider them to be a good friend, and this normally takes a while. Is there really a need to try and change this?

No. 431636

>>431633
I'm also weirded off by men I don't know being interested in me, I think that's just how we are.

No. 431643

>uwu shy and lonely semi-cute loner guy
biggest redflag, don't set yourself up for this world of pain

No. 431644

>>431643
seconding this

No. 431645

>>431643
They’re always degenerates coomers that love egirls and hentais

No. 431648

>>431645
did we date the same guy

No. 431651

>>431529
They want to be the “cool” one in the relationship, they’re afraid to be challenged, hence why they even hate on women who are are passionate about the same hobbies. Their ego can’t handle a woman challenging them and proving them wrong.
This is another reason why the alt man prefers to go after normies, why men who have higher education still pursue women that don’t, why doctors go after nurses and so on, while women usually like to have someone who is on par with them or better too.

No. 431653

>>431529
Yep, dated many men who pursued me bc I was cool, funny and pretty, only to get mad bc I would talk about things I was interested in bc my knowledge/wit would make them feel inferior. Turns out they only liked it in public when others could see they had a cool funny gf and they they could brag about it, but they didn't actually want it when it was just the two of us. Then they wanted a silent dumb girlfriend ornament that would look up to them and not display any form of individuality or personality.

Cried real tears when my now partner told me unprompted that he loves listening to me talk and could for hours bc I always have something interesting to say, first time I've ever had a guy show genuine interest in me as a real fleshed out person.

No. 431655

>>431653
Me too nonna. I’ve been ghosted by men after nice dates where we chatted all night , but me clearly stating that I prioritize my studies and future (I’m in STEM) always made them weary, that and shutting out any sexual comment too.

I don’t know if it makes sense but they think that I’m easier by how I look, I like feminine things honestly, from clothes to make up so I admit that I do have a certain look. But when they realize that I’m not like that then their fantasy gets shattered.

No. 431657

>>431648
I fortunately skip over these men kek. The pattern is just accurate each and every time for me to give a chance. Mind you, I do watch anime and enjoy it, but men are always weird about it and when you tell them that you do they start interrogating you with an air of arrogance and know it all kek.

No. 431669

>>431643
I'm going to guess the 'semi' is doing a lot of work here.

No. 431670

>>431248
as a bippie i want a bippie bf so badly. do they even exist? i thought bpd is more of a female thing idk

No. 431671

>>431529
This is why so often metalheads and other alt guys I know date women that are their complete opposites music/lifestyle wise. I'd always be confused when they'd bring their normie gfs to gigs and the poor girls would be just very bored because it's not their scene at all. I seriously don't get how you can be with a person that is not even remotely similar to you in interests. I wouldn't even call these women npcs, just not in tune with whatever their bfs are into and in turn they don't have much to offer each other. It really proves how some men don't want partners and companions.

No. 431675

>>431670
>do they even exist?
pretty much the majority of men act bippie by default kek, so yes. only difference is 50% more suicide baiting

No. 431684

nona with the porn-addled boyfriend here,

We broke up, and god, what a relief, once he realised it was truly over he turned quite nasty. Thanks for your advice and for listening to me whine lol .

No. 431687

>>431684
it's so freeing when you realize you don't have to try to compete with their porn anymore and just let them jerk off on their own

No. 431694

>>431671
Yeah I've been in the scene for years and the only guys interested in are the dumpy nerdy metalheads who clearly can't get a normie gf. Even when I tried dating one of them he was clearly tuning out when I was sperging about my favorite bands or never asked any questions about me, he just wanted a cool girl.

No. 431728

>>431636
why the fuck do men do this? are they retarded? i recently had some dude who didnt even know my name writing obsessive love letters over me, it was so awkward but thankfully he hasnt bugged me since. it honestly feels offensive for somebody to claim to be in love with you when they dont even know you at all, not even as a friend or anything

No. 431749

>>431684
Based. He showed his extra nasty side because he's bitter over not having his cake and eating it too. He can goon himself to death all alone while you're only going to live your best life.

No. 431752

>>431728
I was at a party once and a guy I had spoken to like twice (and I spent most of the party asleep because I had drunk too much) asked for my number to my friend, why? He heard that my cat was named after a Dark Souls character so he thought I was the nerdy gf of his dreams?

No. 431781

>>431752
alvina? shalquoir?

No. 431790

I think I need to end the relationship I'm in, but I need advice first. I'm bisexual and I was married to a woman for 5 years. She was my soulmate, the love of my life. We did IVF and have a daughter together. She passed away last year in a car crash, and I've been mourning her ever since. I met a really nice guy, who's okay with raising our baby, and we've been together for a few months. I love him, but not as much as I loved my late wife. He recently talked to me about feeling jealous of her, and like he's never gonna be as accepted as she was. I told him he's being paranoid, and that my family does like him. But he says that every time he's around them, they always compare him to my late wife. I told him I'd talk to them about it and asked if there was anything I could do to soothe his discomfort. He asked me to take down all the old photos I had of my wife with our baby, and I said no. He said he can't be in a relationship where he comes second to a dead woman, and gave the ultimatum of getting rid of her presence in the house, or him leaving. I really do like him, he's a very sweet guy outside of this and my daughter loves him. But I don't like the idea of him trying to erase her from my life.

No. 431802

>>431684

I'm back.

He cheated LOL.

No. 431803


No. 431804

>>431790
To be honest both of your sides are pretty reasonable imo. Maybe you're both right and you're not the right fit for each other right now.

No. 431805

>>431684
>>431802
Congrats on getting rid of him nona but please integrate.

No. 431855

>>431790
>ultimatum of getting rid of her presence in the house
You should amicably break up since you each hold strong opposing stances on this. Your daughter is still young, and I think it would be nice to have photos and mementos of her mom. It won't let her forget, as she sees her around the house. This man will always feel like he's in second place to her, and I doubt removing photos will help much for his case.

No. 431865

>>431790
Less than a year ago is incredibly fresh and I don’t think you’re ready to be in a relationship at all. It sounds like you’re settling for the first okay guy you crossed paths with because you’re mourning. Not judging because I’ve been in a similar situation but I think you should break up with him and just focus on your daughter.

No. 431872

>>428839
This is me and jesus it’s only gotten worse. At this point I’m just annoyed constantly when she’s around and I realised I find her objectively attractive but just am not attracted to her at all… it makes me feel really toxic and fucked up that I can just stop having feelings like that. Isn’t that a cluster b trait?

No. 431875

>>431687
Men who jerk off to porn shouldn't be allowed gfs or wives. They literally dont deserve to touch real women. If they want to be porn addicts then fine let them be, but they certainly shouldn't be allowed access to a wife, a gf, a real vagina or womb, or be allowed to reproduce or have families. If they make their bed then they deserve to lie in it, alone and covered in 3 day old jizz.

No. 432004

>>431805
honestly not to derail but it's so fucking annoying you can't even leave a blank line without having 10 people jumping you
Sometimes when you're on your phone, what is just a line on computer seems like a wall and you just want to space things a little.
Or you want to give some sort of effet "I'm back [blank line] HE CHEATED" (you know the blank line leaves some tension)
So can we stop being blank line nazis? Unpopular opinion I know

No. 432242

i have been with my longterm boyfriend for around three years. ive just fallen out of love with him to be honest. i want to break up with him but months ago during a rough patch i lost my job, and im now thousands of dollars in debt. im a part time student and full time worker. i feel like im wasting my years with someone who has insulted and degraded me in the past, but im afraid of confrontation and i dont have the money to move. not to mention my car is literally breaking down. what do i do???

No. 432257

>>430764
Wait, 20 over what? Are we talking about a guy in his late 40s? Are you in your mid twenties?

No. 432259

>>431872
Its not cluster b, you just dont like her and pretending otherwise is draining.

No. 432260

>>430751
dating a moid you arent physically attracted to is a huge mistake. eventually the resentment, boredom, disgust and annoyance becomes too much and you'll find yourself being mean or distant to him and hurting his feelings, it all becomes a mess. my type isnt conventionally attractive at all tbh but it is specific, so when i found a man i was actually attracted to everything flowed to effortlessly and nicely. compare that to my ex who wasnt attractive to me at all but was rich: no amount of money was enough to make up for the complete lack of passion and the way i'd shudder when he touched me. relationships cannot be like that, its not healthy.

No. 432391

i dont know if im loosing my mind nonas
bf and i are long-distance due to school but we spent the summer visiting each other. recently he got into the habbit of playing games with friends for hours on end even though most nights we spend some time calling and catching up since during the day texts are mostly small talk here and there. Is it unreasonable that i want him to let me know in advance if we arent going to call, so i dont feel like an idiot waiting for him. I feel like when i bring it up to him all he takes out of the conversation is that i don't want him to spend time with his friends when i dont really want to monopolize all of his time, i just want to know in advance. is what i want unreasonable?

No. 432488

>>432391
you're not being unreasonable at all, honestly he's being pretty shitty and inconsiderate if hes making you wait for hours and blowing you off all the time to be with his friends. you should ghost him and wait for him to come crawling back.

No. 432489

>>432476
It's not retarded at all. I'm an proactive person too but when it comes to dating I had to tone it down to see if guys would actually put in the effort into initiating, coming up with plans, etc. Most guys will just be with any woman if she pushes him into it, but won't actually reciprocate effort. If you want a proactive boyfriend as well, then stop doing everything and see if he actually steps up. But imo, if a guy is actually proactive, he usually tries to beat you to it, or will contribute ideas to your dates in other ways. If he's not contributing already he's probably pretty passive.

No. 432499

>start hanging out with ex again, after he gets out of a relationship
>we rekindle things but agree it’s only casual and we’re still friends but not serious
>ignites old feelings in me again
>me and other guy start talking and getting more serious
>other guy becomes my boyfriend
>I tell him I think I still have unresolved feelings about my ex, so I cut things off amicably with ex to focus on new relationship
>still think about ex a lot and sad he’s no longer in my life
>immeasurable guilt because I’m with new boyfriend and I just want to 100% focus on us
>unsure if I actually miss my ex or if I’m just obsessing over it because I feel guilty I hurt my boyfriends feelings when I initially told him I don’t know what I feel towards my ex
I didn’t think about my ex like when he was still in his other relationship which makes me think I’m just overthinking it to hurt my own feelings because I struggle with guilt a lot.
I’m trying my best to move on and I feel like I was used as a rebound which hurts my feelings but sometimes I wish I could just ask him if we’d ever have the chance of getting back together just so he could tell me “no” and I’d get my answer and happily move on with my boyfriend.
I don’t know what I want in my life and I just wish i wouldn’t obsess over things and can move on from the past.

No. 432502

>>432499
Also my current boyfriend is incredibly kind, patient and loving which makes it feel all the worse. He tells me often he wants me to move on and stop beating myself up/feeling guilty and he’ll stay with my every step of the way.
I love him but sometimes it feels like he’s too perfect and all his words come from a “how to be a perfect boyfriend” guide and he feels so disingenuous but I know that’s how he truly is.
Maybe I’ve just been in too many abusive relationships to understand.

No. 432504

>>432499
It sounds to me like deep down you want neither guy, and in particular not your current one. There is such a thing as humdrum or convenience dating, but if your first foot forward in this relationship is obsessing about your ex…

No. 432543

>>432488
honestly youre so right. i dont get how hard it is to send a singular text, so im just going to start putting in the same effort he is which is pretty much zero . thank you nona

No. 432566

I’ve been with my bf for 6 years. Everything is fine, we get along mostly, we live together, blah blah life is good on paper. The problem is I’m just not attracted to him at all anymore. He’s gotten fat, he’s balding, our sex life is boring as fuck, having sex feels like a chore and I just want to get it over with. Sometimes I look at him and I feel disgusted. I was attracted to him when we started dating, but idk how to make myself feel like that again. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it turn out? Feels fucking retarded to think about breaking up with someone just because they are fat and bad at sex.

No. 432567

My bf has an online nevermet female friend, long ago they discussed possibility of dating, but he ultimately turned her down, which she seemed ok with at the time, and they remained just friends. He starts dating me, and she starts melting down at him constantly, guilt tripping him about how he's all she has, calls me the "other girl" and "jokes" about him leaving me and some other fucked up shit. (He sends me screenshots of all this.) He tries to shut it down, but doesn't like to cut people out of his life entirely, so she successfully keeps fishing attention out of him. He puts her in contact with a friend of his, they got it off. And now this girl is telling the guy that her and my bf dated while we were together and shit, and I'm fucking mad and sick over it. I've put so much effort into being empathetic and good and calm over this fucking girl, and trying to trust how he's handling her, but it's one thing after another and I just wish she was out of his life entirely. But I don't think he would go no-contact with her if I asked. We've talked about it before, and he reduced communication a lot, but she keeps sucking him back in with sob stories and he's too empathetic to not cave to it I guess. Idk what to do or say anymore, I'm just hoping that she has someone else to focus on (poor guy) and finally leaves my bf alone. Not sure how to even talk about this with bf, I dated a narc before him so I'm pretty much terrified of any conflict, but the shit with this girl is twisting me up inside. How the fuck do I talk about this in a way that makes things better for me and doesn't make me lose him or make him mad at me lmao

No. 432571

>>432566
My view is that sex is an expression of intimacy and romantic love. If the sex is bad, that's not a separate issue, that says something about how you both feel and view each other. You view him as housework which is not a way to live.
This is also my personal feeling, but I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with somebody whom I would have to ask to lose weight. I'm not their mother, I don't regulate their behaviour, they chose to gain weight (short of illness causing it) and must choose to lose it on their own. To some degree I do think it is natural to want to sexually attract a partner and the real question to me is, why isn't he interested in doing that? He doesn't want to have good sex with you (love you properly), he's got fat– which is not the same thing as a body changing with time or pregnancy (or men who have their sexual attraction to women corrupted by patriarchy/porn)– but you get along mostly? A lot of people view a relationship as an investment, 'good on paper', when it's really a partnership where you enrich each other's life, and that enrichment actually matters (sex, attraction, joy being with each other, etc.). I just wrote out this reply and now realise you asked for personal experience but kek, sleeping with a guy you're not attracted to is not the way to go either way. That's the great lie of misogyny. Why did you fall in love with him and pick him as a partner? Maybe getting back to that can lead you to a healthy relationship again, but once you pass that point where you force yourself to have sex with him, you have made a massive emotional compromise towards yourself. It's not a small thing, though I don't want you to feel bad about yourself because of what I'm saying.
>>432567
You have to spend all this time doing emotional management and practising tolerance and what do you get for it? You're not a saint, and he's keeping this shit-stirring girl around. What about your feelings? If you haven't been honest with him about how seriously detrimental this is, then you need to just be upfront and honest. Being in a relationship with a narc will have trained you out of valuing your own feelings and it's put a fear in you of making him mad. Unless you suspect him to be dangerous– in which case I think we can all agree you need to quietly exit that relationship in the safest way possible– if he gets mad at you for expressing how uncomfortable this girl is making you, that's on him. It's all within reason (you're not controlling whom it is that he can be friends with) given that it's causing you emotional grief and discord in the relationship and he's not doing tremendously much about it. He should be trying to conflict solve in a way that isn't just about managing her feelings.

No. 432573

>>432567
If he's that empathetic shouldn't he have more empathy for his own girlfriend who expressed discomfort over the situation?

No. 432578

>>432567
Why are you staying with this retard nonna? He’s letting this girl walk all over him , even to the detriment of his own relationship. This girl feels comfortable enough to badmouth you because your boyfriend is a dog who can’t even defend his own girlfriend. If a friend of mine talked like that about my girlfriend I’d cut that shit out immediately.
You need to tell him that this shit is unacceptable.

No. 432579

>>432567
You should be the one who is mad nonna. Wake the fuck up. He likes her and that’s why he’s still entertaining her bullshit and being “sucked back again”. She’s not doctor who and doesn’t have psychic powers to mind control him, he’s the one letting himself to be drawn back to her again and again. And you’re staying there like a retard accepting it all.

One day he’ll meet her with the excuse of “we’ve just had the chance to meet baby don’t worry!” and he’ll fuck her behind your back. That or they’re already sexting and exchanging nudes kek.

No. 432581

>>432573
These sensitive and empathetic dudes always put other people first , never their significant other. You have a better chance of being treated well if you’re their friend kek.

No. 432583

>>432499
You’re currently using your boyfriend as a rebound, hope you’re aware of this nonna. People should resolve their underlying issues with their exes before jumping into other relationships and bringing their bullshit with them. This goes for men and women alike.
Any good man you’ll find will never be like your ex because you’re stuck on them. The problem is you.

No. 432593

>>432567
Dump him why are you letting this loser have his cake and eat it too!? You ladies are lost. It is not hard to leave a man that clearly don’t want you. He will not be sad. He is biding his time with you until he gets the resources to be with his dream girl (her). They both playing you like a fiddle . He will NEVER stop talking to that girl he will always like her more than you and she will always be the cause of your insecurities in this relationship. Which is obvious since he didn’t drop her completely the moment he started dating you. dump him.

No. 432606

>>432567
He's enjoying the attention and having you get upset and insecure over her. If he loved you, he would cut her out IMMEDIATELY. You wouldn't even need to ask him. He wouldn't risk doing anything that would hurt you or push you further away from him. He doesn't care, nonna. At least you found this out early on and not when you're married.
>>432581
Truth. Really, these men are not empathetic. They are just cowardly people pleasers, who only care about outward appearances. They always feel their girlfriend is the one person they don't have to be a people pleaser towards.

No. 432818

I love my boyfriend but I am autistic and have trouble expressing affection. I can tell he wants more affection and compliments but I have trouble saying how I feel without sounding awkward.

How do I fix this?

No. 432828

>>432818
cuddles lmao

No. 432862

File: 1727253297385.jpg (85.67 KB, 704x662, b7e26daa8d5cf2ba66d75f315e240c…)

>>432818
Just sound awkward and dont worry about it. Tell him you know you sound awkward if that makes it less scary. I promise you he will probably just find it cute and appreciate the effort. Or send him cute couple memes, thats easy if you find it too hard to say anything yourself

No. 432895

I've been living with my boyfriend for 4 years and I originally thought we were in an ideal situation since we have different schedules which causes us to each have alone time at home before the other one arrives on most days. I've noticed lately that this means that if there's a prolonged time where we are unable to spend much time with each other in the hours we do have together, I start to feel lonely. My boyfriend is very obsessed with his health, and lately due to some unusual blood work he's been stressed despite the doctors saying he'll be all fine. I hate that I wait all day for us to see each other again just to have him tell me he's too anxious to do anything but sit mindlessly on his phone. We end up spending time apart in our own apartment, and it feels horribly lonely to know that he's in the other room, but too occupied with himself to want company. This has been going on for so long that I'm slowly planning to break up with him, because what's the point of being in a relationship with someone who barely wants to spend time with you in the limited hours you have together?

No. 433430

My boyfriend has been a huge disappointment towards me and yelled at me the other day when we got into a minor disagreement. I'm fed up with him and leaving in a next month when the lease is up. What are some subtle things I can do to make him depressed and miserable until I break up with him? He's made me unhappy in the relationship and I want him to suffer.

No. 433435

>>433430
easier way to make him suffer is to cuck him out of nowhere (could be real or fake) and never contact him again. if you talk to him again, you lost. that's how you live rent free in their heads forever.

No. 433444

>>433430
leave porn tabs open

No. 433480

>>433430
Don't be affectionate, don't cook food for him, etc. Be distant and then peace out with no contact.

No. 433482

One word replies

No. 433520

>>433430
BBC porn tabs open if he’s white

No. 433640

>>433430
ghost him. like the other nona said, if you contact him again you lose.

No. 433650

>>433520
Why do so many white men fixate on black men's penises kek?

No. 433658

>>433650
All men are threatened by 'their women' getting taken by other races of men, it awakens a deep feral tribalistic jealousy and dread in them

No. 433733

>>433650
Most white men's penises are extremely subpar, and now barely functional at best. So are black men's tbh, but men lean into this fantasy as a tiny totem for their castration anxiety/reaction formation/whatever you want to call it because it's the lowest hanging fruit of culture around.

No. 434252

I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread to post on but. I'm a bisexual female, 24, and my girlfriend is also bisexual 21, and we've been long distanced dating for almost a year now. Thing is. She's a TIF. I love her more than anything. And I wonder if I could deprogram her somehow. Sorry if this is irrelevant to thread. Im just desperate and I don't have anyone else to talk to. Not my mother, I have no friends, and I definitely can't talk to her about it in fear of losing her to the gender cult.

No. 434318

>>434252
She’ll have to come around it alone, if she’s already on T good luck with that, it’s going to be even more hard. If she’s only using he/him and hasn’t done anything to change her appearance other than cutting her hair then I’d feed her little by little GC notions. Never go full on terf though and don’t talk about TIMs either as she’s been trained to react strongly against that. Act dumb and clueless and ask questions that are innocent enough to pass as naïveté and curiosity.

Why are you even dating a TIF? Don’t stick with crazy nonna.

No. 434362

>>434252
stop thinking with ur clit; unless yall have any items belonging to one another or shared accounts/subscriptions, cancel the accounts, divide the assets up, ship her hoodie back and break up.

You cant change crazy

No. 434669

I tend to consistently attract and be compatible with men from a certain race even though im not seeking out that specifically. Does anyone have experience with or some sort of explanation for this?

No. 434689

>>434318
>>434362
NTA but if you are into GNC woman these days your options are “TIFs and that’s it” in most places. Personally I’m no good at fibbing like that around someone I’m close enough to date, so I am single until this insanity is over, or I will die alone. But I can’t blame anon for wanting love. It’s really dark times.

No. 434709

I found out recently that my girlfriend has been cheating on me from what seems like the start of our relationship, which is almost a year long. It’s very bad, not just once or twice, but seemingly nearly every week since the day we started dating with many different people (not all her attempts were successful, but I still consider trying to cheat as cheating…). It is starting to sink in to me that she likely never had any real feelings for me, but I’m struggling to leave her. I had never felt so in love with someone before, and I’m still holding onto those feelings even though I realize the fact they’re so strong to begin with was likely due to her manipulating/love bombing me so severely.

I know I need to end things, but does anyone have any advice for moving on? How do I let go of these feelings? I feel embarassed admitting that being so chronically cheated on didn’t make me hate her immediately. I guess because it’s so ridiculous… it’s just hard to believe this is happening because it feels so unreal.

No. 434711

>>434669
I'm white and Asian men always really like me for some reason. I guess I have features considered attractive in EA.

No. 434731

>>434709
i'm still not over this one shitty woman even years later and I didn't even date her so godspeed nona. And if you figure out the trick to quashing your feelings please let me know.

No. 434791

>>434731
how do people morally justify doing this to others? I've observed keenly enough to know they do it knowingly but they always make some lame excuse like "everybody does it" and "you can't not hurt anyone unless you're a monk in a monastery" which is retarded

No. 434793

>>434709
Not to sound like a zoomer but you have to crash out on her. Embarrass her make life for her hell. She not only played with your emotions she played with your body and your health. Whatever love you feel for her dead it and turn it into hate. She never loved you she played you and will continue to play you while thinking you are pathetic if you stay with her. Make her feel as embarrassed as you do. I’m tired of cheaters getting matched with good people who take the “high road” once terrible shit has been done. It’s not right. Get mad call her ugly and get over her by getting with one one of the girls she cheated on you with. Hell isn’t real and karma is only real if you make it real

No. 434797

>>434669
It’s probably your skin color, hair type and body type it all plays a role. Every girl has this experience I fear

No. 434800

>>434797
The explanation is racism btw. be wary of men of other races that seek you out solely on your features especially if the features they compliment the most are the exact opposite of theirs 8/10 it’s an ego thing between men about conquering another race’s “woman” also trying to put the woman of their own race in their place by symbolizing “see look you can be replaced” don’t be flattered be vigilant and drop them the second they bring down the women of their race to uplift you.

No. 434824

>>434689
I’m like you nonna, I love butch women, they’re beautiful, but they’re all trooning out

No. 434907

We're still together because I can't just fucking justify ruining my friend group and housing and financial state over a relationship that is just… meh (>>428839) but not awful. I think she's unhappy too because this is turning me into a resentful awful creature. I guess I just wish she would bite the bullet instead.

No. 434962

Nonnies, how do you approach taking dating less seriously? I have been on a small number of dates and my codependency seeps in and ends up trying to force commitment. I feel like I need to neutralize my approach to expectations of dates and the man taking me out on a date. Obv I don't want to sleep on the first date, I think when I was more "picky", I was more willing to give my body to a man who checked all these boxes I set for myself in the first few dates, which ended in failure and heartbreak because he ended up lying about his values and actions. I've also only been on about 13 dates in my life and I'm in my early 30s so I know something has to change with the way I date. Help pls, nonnies.

No. 434963

My new relationship would get me run off lolcor. It sounds like rage bait posted on reddit. But I think I'm happy. I don't care if I'll need therapy after this.

>LDR but met abroad

>10+ age gap
>I've no romantic/sexual experience
>huge socioeconomical differences
>mutual lovebombing
>1st and 2nd date happened within two days
>met again in a month, spent 3 days together 24/7
>agreed to be exclusive on 4th date
>fucked on 5th date
>planning to travel to europe together for 6th date in a month

How fucked am i?

No. 434988

You're fine, nona. I am highly skeptical the 6th date will happen since it's very suspicious the date following the night you sleep together is an entire month away. You might get hurt and learn some things or you might have fun – or all of the above!
DELETE EDIT: oh wait I'm re-reading and you always meet with these month long gaps? Why? He's cheating on you in between / doing this with multiple women.

No. 434990

>>434988
He lives 20 hours away, and we've know eachother for a month. In 3 weeks he'll be back on my continent.

No. 434998

>>434963
The only red flag here is it sounds like your lack of experience is making you be very impressed by very little.

No. 435002

>>434990
does he come back periodically for work or something, or just to see you?

No. 435045

>>435002
Just to see me
>>434998
I agree to an extent. I think being willing to travel so far, while working does show a certain amount of commitment and effort. That and caring about my interests, organizing activites I like, etc.

No. 435047

>>435045
Men will travel for pussy, it’s nothing impressive. Don’t put him on a pedestal and keep your eyes open.

No. 435050

>>435047
I think there's easier ways of getting pussy than a 20 hour flight around the world, but I understand and agree with what you're saying.

No. 435055

>>434963
Where are you from and where is he from?

No. 435073

>>435050
I had a friend who had a relationship similar to what you're describing, very rich older dude, constantly traveling to see her and taking her traveling, lovebombing, gifts, later he was also paying for her apartment, food, gym, a bunch of stuff, I don't remember a lot of details. Mind you there were also red flags from the beginning where he was lying about random shit, I remember he lied about his age and she only found out when she looked at his passport that he was like over 25 years older, not 10. Anyways I don't wanna say this is your situation but after 2-3 years of dating she found out he was cheating on her with like 4(?) other women that he was also flying out to see, traveling with, buying stuff for etc. Mind you, he was telling her they were going to get married and making plans, turns out he was saying this to every girl because he was basically choosing which one to marry. Again not to be a party pooper but I got reminded of this story. Just be careful and stay safe, pay attention to red flags, look him up wherever you can. Also try to find out if he's telling the truth about where he works. If there's not a lot of info about him on the internet it might be a red flag. Don't be afraid to ask question about his life, and if he avoids them or gets upset he's definitely trying to play you. Anyways try to have fun but also be careful, I know it's hard when you're already in love and seeing negative responses feels really bad, but remember to put your safety and wellbeing first.

No. 435075

>>435073
How does a guy even have to time to juggle this many women at once? Did him and your friend not talk or engage outside of the times he came to visit her? I believe what you're saying, I just have no idea how men even find the time to be with multiple women at once, or even have multiple families.

No. 435076

>>435075
>>435073
it's a typical story

No. 435083

>>435073
I appreciate the response, and everyones perspective. Thanks nonnas! He's been very open about past relationships, his family, his friends and career. His position is high ranking in the field and easily googlable. Obviously I can't confirm if he's saying the truth on personal stuff but he's been very open about his feelings, future plans and basically everything and anything. He never evaded a hard question, and consistently assures me of his feelings towards me. It's hard to put it into text but he really does a lot of stuff right. Or seems to. Not a lot of empty walk. He does shower me with gifts, but most are inexpensive and pertain to our mutual hobbies. He has offered to pay my travel expenses but I don't feel comfortable with that and he understands. I am keeping my eyes peeled but it's very hard to differentiate what could be a red flag and what is just his personality and mine expediting things. And the nature of the whole situation.

No. 435101

>>434963
all i can tell you that it's not going to work out

No. 435103

>>435101
It's a given someone will get hurt.

No. 435110

>>435083
>He has offered to pay my travel expenses but I don't feel comfortable with that and he understands.
Girl whats the point of having a rich ass man if you're still slaving away to be able to meet him. Let him pay for you, if it doesnt work out at least you havent humiliated yourself by losing money by dating this rich dude.

No. 435140

>>434963
This all feels like a spin on >>430764 . Samefagging, or something weirder?

No. 435143

>>435140
Nope, not the same anon. Don't plan on moving, no plans of marriage, not even sure what exactly I feel yet.

No. 435151

>>435110
Kinda agree here. As long as you don't get dependent on him it's fine to get him to pay things for you, especially if he's loaded which I'm getting from this?

That said within the context of it being an LDR, age gap and you having no experience… if you were an IRL friend I couldn't wholeheartedly tell you to go ahead and do it and feel right about it.

No. 435157

>>435151
I see that. I guess I want to show some independence. Since we can't be equal. Plus he's paying for everything else.

No. 435158

>>435151
And I know. It's strange and potentially dangerous. But it might be fun. Has been so far. Thanks for caring.

No. 435174

>>435157
Show some independence for what? So he doesn't think you're like other girls who only want his money? Just let him pay for your shit, men are stupid and that's what he wants. The more you demand the more they like it.

No. 435189

>>435075
Supposedly they would talk over text, but my understanding is that he would not be online a lot because he claimed to be working. And I think they didn't have video calls. The biggest mystery to me is how the fuck he had the money to do all that, I really think to have all these women and travel around so much you need to work at most an hour a day or not at all. Unfortunately I don't know a lot of details, my friend wouldn't tell me a lot about him because I would start pointing out all the red flags and she didn't want to see them.

No. 435205

>>434963
ask yourself why this scrote 10+ years older than you is 'lovebombing' some inexperienced girl instead of dating a woman his own age.

No. 435219

>>435205
Because she's hotter than women 10 years older than ber.

No. 435239

>>435205
He didn't know my age when he approached me and I've legitimately always looked older. I assumed he was older sure, but not that older.

No. 435328

>>434963
>>435174
as long as you don't actually believe he's exclusive with you and you're young enough to find a real relationship after this one ends, it's fine. make him pay for your tickets and put the equivalent amount of money into your savings account, make him get std tested and show you the results on a verifiable healthcare portal (there are random one-off sites that are fake), always make him use a condom, never send nudes, and have fun!

No. 435449

The love of my life left our longterm relationship for a two month break with uncertainty if we would get back together or just be friends. I don't know how to exist right now. I don't have any in-person support aside from my therapist this Thursday. This is incredibly hard, I can't overstate it. How do I sit with this? It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from.

No. 435528

>>435449
You first have to reckon with the truth that this person doesn’t care for you in the same way that you care for them, whether they come back or not. Once you’re done crying every day, force yourself out of your comfort zone and try expanding your circle of irl friends as much as possible. Be honest with them about how you feel. Put all the energy you gave them into making, maintaining, and salvaging friendships. Having friends will keep you from feeling so low and alone again. Be indulgent and patient with yourself for a couple weeks, then when you’ve had enough put a stop to it. Every single day you will heal and feel better, you won’t notice it in a week but in a month you’ll be able to see your progress. However, every time you talk to the person that left you, it will set you back a step. You will be happy again, I speak from experience. Sending you love Nona

No. 435545

I've been with my bf for years but I feel that we're not as close as we used to be. I want to experience different things and leave my house more often. My bf, on the other hand, is content staying home and playing games all day. If I don't make plans to go out, he won't. It makes me less attracted to him because there will be days where if we're both not working, he's just on his computer and I'm doing my own thing. We don't really talk a lot anymore despite living together. Tbh, I think about being single often and I have been thinking that way for awhile. It doesn't help that recently, our relationship is under a lot of stress (which is out of our control) but I don't know if this a symptom of incompatibility or if it's something that needs to be worked on. I've already explained this to him btw.

No. 435572

need some advice nonas, I asked someone I liked out and she said she doesn’t want to be girlfriends because relationships trigger her BPD but we are soulmates and will always be extremely close which I am cool with as I have my own relationship issues, and we kissed a bit. She was on her phone today and I looked over and she was messaging someone about how embarrassed she was that she kissed me and now I feel really insecure. What does it all mean?

No. 435587

>>435545
>My bf, on the other hand, is content staying home and playing games all day.
Your bf is a boring loser, no offense. Men who are content to live solely in the virtual world are boys, not men. If you want to see the world, and have passion in your life, dont settle for an internet addicted manchild shutin.

No. 435593

>>435572
It means she's self-aware about her boundaries and mental health, and it sounds like you need to be too.

No. 435596

>>435572
Some people's BPD is only triggered by romantic situations, sounds like she has worked out her triggers and is smartly warning you about them.
Shame and embarrassment are highly prevalent in BPD, you should not enter a relationship with an untreated bpdchan. Keep the kiss in the shlick bank, keep her as a friend and move on.

No. 435609

>>435572
I think it makes sense for her to be a little embarrassed about kissing a friend when she was caught up in the moment, especially if she has a history of impulsive or ill-advised relationships. I also abstain from relationships because they tend to bring out the worst in me, and I'm guessing she values your friendship a lot and knows herself well enough to know that trying to date would inevitably blow up in both your faces. She is just doing the mature thing imo, maybe someday she'll be confident and stable enough to enter a relationship, but it doesn't sound like that time is now.

No. 435611

>>435545
What was his response after you explained it to him?

No. 435613

>>435528
Thank you so much for your support nonna, I really appreciate. I'll check back in here in a few weeks to give you an update.

No. 435614

>>435596
Why even bother dating a BPDchan kek? Put yourself first and have some self preservation. Your chances of being cheated on or abused skyrocket.
This one was kind enough to warn you and keep you away, others aren’t so kind.

No. 435640

Bpd is bad enough but I hate seeing that I deserve to be alone since all I see is hatred for people with it.

No. 435649

This >>428839 is me and honestly I just can't believe it's been 24 full days. Since I had the thought early August "I want to break up" I've had constant headaches and illness.

Fun new update, though! Her mother recently got upset at me for criticising a book she likes (I'm not even joking) and started texting in the family group chat that I'm rude, ungrateful, snarky, and "need to learn some fucking manners". My girlfriend defended me, and went minimal contact with her family for ten days. She did tell me though that she couldn't blow up at them completely because she depends on their money.

Cut to ten days later. Her mother calls HER. Apologises to HER. Says she can tell me what went on and convey her apologies if she wants. My girlfriend is VERY IMPRESSED that her mother apologised and is a little hurt by my inability to ever forgive her. They're on vacation together right now. I can't possibly be the crazy one for not forgiving a woman TWICE MY AGE who knows I've been disowned, and prior to this asked me to think of her as a surrogate mother.

This is apparently a normal family dynamic for them, but what the fuck? Can you even consider yourself in your right mind if you marry into a family where THIS happened two years in? My girlfriend herself is still a good person and great friend and whatnot but I feel like nobody on this planet could blame me for leaving the relationship because of this… right?

No. 435655

>>435640
I know it sucks to hear that, anon but a very big percentage of people have personality disorders and they can lead lifes close to normal, if you get theraphy on top of that you won't have that many issues in relationships. Especially men online tend to randomly diagnose their exes with bpd like they diagnose their parents with npd lol. I doubt many of the bpd haters even know people with bpd

No. 435656

>>435219
>Because she's hotter than women 10 years older than ber.
She might be but that's not why. Don't you understand why men don't lovebomb hot women they date but rather neg them? Men neg confident women, men lovebomb inexperienced self conscious women.

No. 435665

i think i’m repeating the same pattern in my relationships. i met a girl younger than me (i’m 24, she’s around 20), who is either a student or an unemployed person, in some online community. we flirt, joke around, spend some time together or go on dates, a couple of months pass by like this. eventually she confesses but i am always not sure it’s “love” enough to be in a relationship, so it just either goes nowhere and we never speak again, or we’re stuck in this weird neither friendship nor a proper relationship state… i swear i do not seek girls like this on purpose, it just happens, but i do not know what is wrong with me. it’s been a couple of times this happened and i genuinely do not want to hurt these girls, but i can’t help myself, every time i think “okay i do not need a relationship, i will not flirt” and make a decision, a new girl comes around and it goes downhill from there. also not always, but usually these girls are neets / nerds who had little to no relationship experience… it feels so weirdly set up by universe, like it’s a test and i keep failing it, it’s literally the same girl different form or whatever. i do not understand what i need to do nonnies, help?

No. 435672

is it 'normal' in a relationship for your bf to make you feel like you're not really enough? he tells me im pretty and stuff, and when we were talking he said i was probably a 7/10. which i know is above average and good, but ive seen him call other girls he met before me a 10/10. and it makes me feel settled for. i know realistically im probably more like a 5-6, he's not a chad but a 10 in my eyes because i love him but i know moids are much more superficial and shallow. he also tells me he dislikes certain clothes i wear, and how i do my makeup on many days. his type is very stereotypical twitch thots or those generic instagram type 'hot girls', but he cant get one of them obviously. he makes me feel like im not good enough at being a girl or something just because i dont dress in crop tops and leggings and wear my hair in a high ponytail. not in a super rude way but just passive aggressively. he always makes me feel like im failing at being attractive somehow, and not good enough at being pretty. he also looks at other women when we go outside. i feel like he would cheat on me if the opportunity presented itself even though he swears he wouldnt, and i doubt it would anyway. but he doesnt make me feel good enough. am i asking too much, since i know im objectively quite mid? i just want a bf who appreciates me and makes me feel like he won.

No. 435674

>>435614
I'm a bpdchan. I would never cheat in a million years, I'm painfully monogamous and autistically hyperfixated on a FP, and have never physically abused anyone (I can be a huge bitch during fights though which I guess some would say is verbal abuse) I can be perfectly functional and normal seeming, I only get triggered when I'm in love and become highly possessive of that person.

>>435640
It's easier for me to be alone. I get so stressed, depressed, anxious and preoccupied when I fall for someone. It's just not worth the effort. I pour all my insane passion into my husbando and sometimes celebrity ships now, just because irl love is too painful for me.

No. 435675

>>435672
there is no objective scale of attractiveness, people think there is cause those who say that it isn't are thought to be being nice for the sake of virtuosity but it isn't really true

I don't know how commonplace your situation is but it isn't normal, just like a friend shouldn't be making you feel worthless compared to other friends and giving you an inferiority complex, your partner shouldn't be doing that either

No. 435676

>>435672
Avoid anyone who rates people in terms of numbers. They're a shallow piece of garbage. Even if you are objectively a '5' or '6' (whatever that means), there would be plenty men lining up to worship you as a goddess.

Dont settle for anyone who makes you feel like shit, and remember men often try to keep your confidence down so you wont leave them. Society is full of hot girls with ugly fat bastard bfs, who keep their gf's self esteem down and makes her think he's the best she can get.

Men will do anything to keep you from feeling like the prize, because women having high self esteem doesnt benefit men at all.(samefagging)

No. 435683

What do you wish cluster Bs would realize?

No. 435687

>>435672
Wake up. He's purposely insulting you and making you feel bad. It's "normal" yes, because most men are trash and don't truly care about their girlfriends, but that doesn't mean you should put up with him. Before you break up with him, make sure you run his self-esteem through the wringer. Feel up his arms and tell him that you think he should start hitting the gym. When he takes off his shirt lament the fact that he doesn't have abs. Tell him he should trim/shave his pubes and make comments about his dick whether it's cut or uncut (wishing it would be the opposite). I bet you'd have something bad to say about his hair and facial hair as well. After you've dragged his self-esteem through the mud, dump him. Don't let him get away with his treatment of you unscathed.

No. 435694

>>435687
Based and Stacypilled.

No. 435695

>>435672
He is negging you. Call him a 4

No. 435696

>>435674
> I only get triggered when I'm in love and become highly possessive of that person.
> I can be a huge bitch during fights though which I guess some would say is verbal abuse.
See? It’s not fucking worth it kek.

No. 435698

>>435672
> Calls me a 7/10
Cuck him to remind him of his place.
>>435675
People who obsess over the "scale" are always mid or ugly autists who think they've ~cracked the code~ on how to become hot (or they're allowing other men to dictate their preferences because all scrotes are sheep.)

No. 435703

>>435672
Let us see how he’ll behave when he’s without a gf kek, break up nonna, there’s no need to put up with this. Before breaking up , if you two have sex, act disinterested and stop midway , make him insecure about his dick and fawn over actors who look the total opposite of him and comment on any good looking moid you see when you’re walking with him. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

No. 435704

>>435656
>tfw when I'll never recognize lovebombing because I'm inexperienced and autistic

No. 435719

>>435672
No it’s not normal. That’s shitty. Where does he even get the gall to behave that way, does he actually hate you? The fuck…

No. 435730

>>435696
>look at me ive never yelled at anyone in my life!
yawn

No. 435813

>>435672
>he's not a chad but a 10 in my eyes because i love him
>i just want a bf who appreciates me and makes me feel like he won.
there are men out there who will feel about you the way you feel about the men you love. but let's talk about the scrote you have for a minute. this subhuman is deliberately trying to manipulate you into a state of jaded low expectations. this is not accidentally mean or manipulative behavior. it is deliberate and planned and he will only get worse. this is someone who's sharing your nudes, telling his friends that you're his little bitch, and planning to grind you into dust I would literally kill this moid if I could tbh, but I can't, so please escape asap. low conflict, greyrock, escape into the night as cleanly as possible.

No. 435829

Is there hope for an unrequited love to change into mutual love when one party seems "on the fence" (some might say disassociating, even…) when the other is in love with them? He and I have been together with ups and downs for about a year and I'm smitten. He has a good time with me, it seems, but when I get sad that he seems unaffectionate towards me, he says he is "numb" and has "his own issues."

No. 435830

>>435829
maybe it's not the right person, maybe it's not the right time, but it's definitely not gonna happen with this guy. you made it clear you're unhappy, he made it clear he is unwilling to fix things, and if you don't leave him right now, he will take the fact that you're sticking around as proof that he can get away with that. the best you could possibly do is break up with him and let him come crawling back, but more than likely, it's just not gonna ever turn around.

No. 435837

>>435829
First of all, ask yourself why you're smitten with someone who is unsure about you and dissociates around you. It sounds like you have attachment issues and self-esteem issues and you should work on that instead of chasing around this guy who doesn't care if you're in his life or not. He's telling you and showing you that he could take you or leave you. Don't you want to be with someone who is just as smitten with you as you are with them?

No. 435841

>>435837
Of course. I don't believe I can find that

No. 435851

>>434963
>nigelfags never disappoint
if only we redistributed wealth to women would they really be seeking these men out? nope

No. 435852

>>435672
would you treat somebody you loved like that? please get rid of thise loser, youll seriously be so much happier not feeling insecure about his retarded preferences
also i agree with the person who said to avoid people who rate other people as a number. big red flag

No. 435866

How often should I be turning down sex with my bf? I love him and am always down but I feel like its making things too easy

No. 435889

>>435866
you should turn him down when you don't want to have sex?

No. 435946

>>435730
Kek you sound like a retard rn, I never said anything about yelling. It’s nonna who literally self admitted that she’s a shitty partner. I bet you’re a BPDchan too.
People with personality disorders do make bad partners , sorry if it triggers you to hear that.

No. 435978

>>435866
Definitely do it several times in a row. I would never turn down my ex and when I did for the first time he wouldn't take no for an answer and coerced me. Did it again and he refused to talk to me for hours.

No. 436098

>>435946
You sound bpd yourself tbh. Nobody else gets this butthurt at random internet posts kek. Did a bpdchan hurt you?

No. 436099

File: 1728460717991.jpg (64.3 KB, 600x551, 3eqjd8.jpg)


No. 436230

>>435611
Atayrt. I don't want to get too in to detail on lc. I told him that I'm starting to resent him. He's been making more of an effort to go out on dates again but there's other really shitty things happening to us right now and I'm hoping things will get better once this passes. Because I'm really miserable right now, but I know this situation isn't permanent. If it's not better until this passes, I want to leave.



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