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No. 418153
>>418107I've been in this situation and it obviously came out eventually that they were just in a
toxic on/off fwb situation for nearly a decade. My ex would always reassure me that his female friend had a boyfriend so obviously nothing would ever happen and I was a bit suspicious but I went along with it for way too long. Female friends are one thing but if it's someone that he's closer to than literally anyone else that's a huge red flag.
No. 418179
>>418014>brain instantly starts running mental checklist of all the things he's done to upset me, piss me off or make me feel jealous, ever What are those things? If they are bothering you then you need to think about why. There are plenty of bad things people can do in a relationship beyond being
abusive and cheating.
No. 418243
Clowned myself but I am trying to proceed with caution here for good reason.
>manager with multiple accounts, get assigned one out of state
>tend to have a boytoy at every account
>find a good one thru dating app
>see his ~*~potential~*~ and shared interests even tho he is a broke mediocre artist
>hindsight…lol he is just tall with big dick and would be better if he went to the gym
>we hit off anyway, he makes an effort to come to my state once but he is broke
>feel bad for his situation, offer him a supervisor job at the account
>months of amazing sex whenever I am there, good company for dinners, I hang out with his friends, he serves as my informant during work hours and nobody fucks with me while he is around cause he is intimidating
>he wants the relationship title, I make an excuse that it is too professionally risky
>he changes his status on his socials anyway
>truthfully, he still needed to improve himself before I would give him a title
>whenever I am in town I find myself spending money on us i.e. dinners which I don't half care about bc it goes on my corpo card, shit for his hovel so I don't have to suffer like new bedsheets
>cope by telling myself I am saving my company the hotel monies
>his car breaks down
>then I am driving him when I am in town too
>he shows me a car he is interested in but needs to beg his dad to co-sign for loan approval
>not very impressed with his lack of willing to work OT even though I am practically giving it to him
>he'd make $33/hr if he would…
>additionally he is a gamer which is cringe
>found his reddit account and while it was not recent he did post on big tiddy gawf porn subs before
>notice our sex is tapering off with most recent visits, can't put my finger in why
>last visit we did not fuck, it went like this:
>felt a lot of pressure from work during my last visit, combined with a financial hit that I did not expect
>confided in him about my feelings, expressed vulnerability
>he didn't do fucking shit and barely got out a response which wasn't even decent
>didn't cuddle me in bed even though I asked, stayed up playing video games until I fell asleep
>drove him to work the next morning, I was upset because it was my final time at the account for the foreseeable future
>he is acting distant yet like things are normal even though I am clearly upset
>drop him off, he doesn't kiss me and uses the excuse that we were at the worksite to give me a pathetic shoulder bump, as if he couldn't have kissed earlier
>checked his socials later and he reposted some dumb goth thirst trap
>it's been almost two weeks and I only called him once about something work related yesterday
>at the end of the call "You should text me…"
>haven't texted him, waiting for him to show any initiative and it looks like it won't happen
I want to move on since other, more worthy men are hitting me up. Should I just ignore until I let it die? I don't want to nastily confront him or make him vengeful because of his relation to my job and he may retaliate for all I know. I was just gonna let his coombrain fester until he "dumps" me lmao.
No. 418316
>>418307this nona
>>418310is correct most men find whatever a woman gets off to and masturbates to hot. sometimes even stuff involving other men. males are very sexually malleable you can basically convince them to try anything as long as you emphasize how horny it makes you kek
No. 418681
>>418674>dating a military moid>still dating a military moid after finding out he was soliciting photos from some Russian woman>don't think he's being unfaithful this timeYou don't have to think hard on this one,
nonnie. He's probably keeping his degeneracy and carnal desires separate from his "true love" which is you. He has to be fulfilling his needs elsewhere, which is why he isn't asking you for any photos. Why don't you ask him if it's bothering you so much?
No. 418685
>>418681I haven't asked him directly about why he doesn't ask for pictures, but I have asked if he's fucking around with other women. The reason I think he's being faithful is that the last time this happened he was honest with me when I asked. Plus I frankly don't think he has the time to talk to other women, everything has been chaotic and awful for him this time around. I do want to bring up his lack of requesting pictures but I also don't want to make him more miserable than he already is
I know he still jacks off and he looks at porn for that, but I think that's it.
No. 418692
>>418688Yeah you're totally right. I guess I was being overly optimistic and thinking he'd still wanna see me because you know, I'm his wife and all. But it was dumb of me to think his brain could work like that.
Thanks for talking some sense into me, nonna
No. 418772
>>418289he can't look too different if you facetime also make sure you're attracted to him over the internet beforehand. meet up somewhere there's other people.
>>418325you don't have to explain yourself to men, who cares what they think. completely fine to not want to date a guy who watches porn
No. 419260
>>419220>>419229You were on point he was 100% being dismissive because he felt insecure about the problem. I have been shocked how selfish and insecure pregnancy made him and I'm honestly worried he won't handle the baby being born. We had a bigger fall out and he is now sulking somewhere and expecting ME to care for him when I was the one upset with HIS behaviour. I guess he just wants a mom for himself and not for his child.
I don't gaslight myself for him but rather because my past experiences and not particularly in relationships. It's not so easy to stop and it's hard to trust myself sometimes.
No. 419357
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Is there an actual reason why when I find out someone I like does like me back I start losing feelings? And these feelings were genuine, not only sexual or because I crave their attention. I don't know why but after finding out my feelings are reciprocated I start thinking things like 'well he probably does X thing, which I can't tolerate in a relationship', 'he's not as good looking as I thought', 'I dislike the idea of seeing him like a boyfriend'. I hate feeling like this, I want to be normal and actually get happy when the 1 in a 1000 chance of someone liking me back becomes real. Fml
No. 419360
>>419357you probably have self loathing so you view anyone who likes you as beneath you
or you have a fear of intimacy and dont actually want to have a realistic shot with anyone irl
No. 419363
>>419359My parents had very bad and unpredictable arguments since I was a very young kid up to now that they stopped living together. Life is much calmer now, although my mom does explode randomly at times because of very small things and starts yelling at me and claiming that I don't love her, that I don't appreciate her efforts, that I akshually want to live with my dad instead of living with her… Etc. (this isn't nearly as common as it used to be a few years ago, she stopped being so impulsive since my dad moved). My parents always had very high expectations of me and I always felt that pressure, especially since the start of high school. I'm a bit doubtful on this though because otherwise they aren't bad parents; they always cared for all my basic needs, tried opening up and listening to me even if they failed, showed me genuine love and told me they would always be there for me, etc. The only really bad things are the shouting contests we used to have with my mom, how as a kid I tried stopping their loud fights and how difficult it is to predict when they'll get angry with me (mainly my mom like I mentioned). The worst thing that ever happened were them getting physical once and my mom dragging me by my hair and throwing me to my bed, the latter happened when I was around 8.
>>419360I believe I'm doing better with my self esteem, but I do have a very real repulsion towards sexual intimacy. In my last relationship my ex had a very high libido and I was already quite skittish with the subject, so it was super stressful to know that if I stopped accepting sex we'd break up even if for me it was more so a painful chore. The weird thing is that I have husbandos and I love imagining and reading sexual stuff with them, but irl it's like sex in general makes me nauseous (this could also be because I'm taking medication for my anxiety, my own doctor told me it could sabotage any little sexual desire I have)
No. 419370
>>419363>The only really bad things are the shouting contests we used to have with my mom, how as a kid I tried stopping their loud fights and how difficult it is to predict when they'll get angry with me (mainly my mom like I mentioned)You were parentified. No child is supposed to solve arguments between their parents or even have to see them. Also, I can see one correlation here:
>'well he probably does X thing, which I can't tolerate in a relationship'You assume the person will do things you don't like, like your parents did but you were helpless to solve, so you resign from experiencing it again.
>I'm a bit doubtful on this though because otherwise they aren't bad parentsOtherwise is key here. Look into some related literature, issues like this are created in early childhood and by observing parents and how they are relating to each other. The problem here is that a good relationship was not modeled to you in childhood so there is a possibility that you subconsciously don't see a good reason to risk experiencing the same stress and failure you saw your parents play out, because it probably reminds you of how much energy you were losing because of the stress experienced in the past and you just don't want to spend it like that. I'm sorry those things you mentioned happened to you but there is no point in defending parents' fuck ups or accusing them. To solve issues like this you must dissect your life without judgement. Therapy helps.
No. 419399
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>>419357idk. suffered this my whole life too. i blame a single mom raising me who was always at work and not emotionally available. i don't hold rage toward her though, because it's really my dad's fault for leaving and fucking everything up in the first place. she did her best.
as far as i know there is no cure for this problem except forcing yourself into relationships and ignoring the intense discomfort.
the fear of being abandoned never, ever goes away. you will never feel secure enough with a partner that they are not 1. cheating or 2. watching porn or 3. getting bored of you. since i do not want to deal with this stress, and i hate living with other people, i have chosen to remain relationship-less and single forever.
when i feel romantic i watch movies that scratch the itch, or write fanfic, or roleplay. it's easier for me to indulge in fantasy because no one is complicated or messy like real humans are. deep down, i don't believe humans are meant to be monogamous, and i can never therapy-pill myself into believing otherwise.
it's a peaceful existence, imo.
No. 419424
>>419417every man wants multiple women to fuck daily. every single man. if he's gay he wants multiple men. the y chromosome gives a biological urge to spread as much seed as possible. humans are not like wolves, or macaws, who mate for life and raise babies together. every man's perfect relationship would be one where he has sex with multiple people.
whereas with women, they desire to have a strong mate for strong offspring and want a good provider. we'd put up with polygamy if we were not evolved species and made to feel jealous and betrayed over sharing, or cheating.
it will never work.
No. 419440
>>419424I wish i had multiple younger guys(18+) to fuck daily and cook and clean for me. Am i a man
The y chromosome doesn't give them those urges, they just take advantage of women because they still have more privileges than women and can get away with making their wives do nonpaid labor(housework) while they cheat(boys will be boys). The more women gain rights, the more women won't stay in marriages like this and their fantasies will have to stay as fantasies.
No. 419494
>>419488Exactly, men and women may be different but we are not literal polar opposites, it's just a psy-op invented to demonize women for things men are allowed to do just fine, to justify homophobia by pretending "only opposites (should) attract" and to justify the oppression of women overall because ofc we can't just be opposite but equals because that's not "complementarian" enough, one has to subjugate the other and the other must submit.
And the "male sexuality is for pleasure, female sexuality is merely reproductive" meme is a huge fucking reversal considering women have an entire organ dedicated to sexual pleasure independent from reproduction
No. 419576
Boyfriend is very nice to me, always pays for food when we go out, even delivers me food when im home. BUT. When we're out and i want something (so not us sitting down to eat), i always pay for it myself. He NEVER offers to buy it for me. He only pays for it IF he's buying something for himself, too. Once he offered to buy me a hairclip to replace the one he accidentally broke, so i picked one, as we walked i saw a palette that i had mentioned i wanted, i walk to it (it's like 7$), and he just goes to stand in line at the cashier (to only pay for the hairclip that he offered to buy). Like, detaches from me, he's never done that before. He makes good money and knows I'm unemployed. He also bought me expensive perfume to cheer me up one day. Why won't he offer to pay for the things i want, they're cheap, too! Is he "buying my time" by paying for lunches, snacks, and dinners? Why then does he deliver me food? Don't get it…
No. 419708
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How do I stop having an anxious preoccupied attachment style
No. 419915
>>419576don't rely on his money so much
nonnie. At best he'll feel anxious about finances, at worst he'll start to hate you. I say this as a former NEET; people who work resent unemployed people (and moids resent women very easily over the smallest things, even trad scrotes start to hate their stay-at-home mom wives for being "lazy"), and even if he's chill with it now it doesn't take much for the switch to flip (if I were him and paying for so much for you, I WOULD feel extremely hurt seeing you doubt our relationship like this over cheap makeup).
Also since it sounds like you may be autistic and not understand the value of money, consider that he may be short on money sometimes if he's buying you food delivery and expensive perfume. Even "good money" runs out.
No. 420035
Has anyone had to, somehow, tell their boyfriend he's too pushy with shit? Is there even a non-confrontational way to say it? Do I just say "stop being an asshole"?
I ended up just getting upset, but my boyfriend is probably one of the worst people to ask for help. We work on the same shift, he started before me, so he's supposed to help train anyone newer to the team. Long story short, if I ask for help he won't really pay attention to the question, answer something he thought was being asked instead, then act like I'm not listening to him when I have to clarify. From my perspective, he's not listening to me because other leads are perfectly capable of answering directly and I've had no problem with them. From his perspective, I'm the one getting "mad" and "setting him off". He finally just called me neurotic and it made me cry, I told him he shouldn't be expecting new people to just immediately understand the job with minimal help. I feel like he just finds me annoying and there's nothing I can do.
My stupid theory is his shift used to just be him, and now with new employees he has to give responsibility to, he doesn't like losing autonomy. It so far hasn't bled into anything else but good lord I hate having to ask for help when nobody else is available. We were friends for 2 years prior to dating, then I ended up in the same department as him, the shift time was not my choice. I know dump is probably the answer but I'm also retarded enough to think I can work something out.
No. 420036
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>>419759You know what she's on about.
No. 420277
>>420229Not trying to scare you Nonna but a lot of times moids will fixate on their type to a fault. If you have a really good emotional connection and chemistry things might end up differently but if he starts made snide comments about how you’re not his type then run.
>>420243You’re not overthinking, he sounds like an asshole. Don’t get back with him.
No. 420303
>>419576Surprised at the replies to this. Your man's stingy and that is unromantic, no matter what the nonnies dating stingy "50/50" dudes are saying. I've been there and he knows what he's doing when he bolts for the door or register when he sees something you like, men benefit from playing stupid as you can see here.
There's no point to dating a man who makes good money if he won't make you smile with a little bit of it. No it does not matter what you make, he literally gets to cum 100% of the time during sex, exists in the patriarchy, and is born for labor and service. Plus well oriented men LOVE to do it, if he's not an effeminate loser he will literally get hard decorating you.
You can attempt telling him how you feel with as much sweetness and politeness as you can but from my experience it just causes his mask to slip and he gets super butthurt, might even buy you shit you don't like out of spite (one guy went out of his way to get me ripped dirty clothes one time to prove a point).
No. 420331
>>419576This nona
>>419915is 100% correct. Wagies usually really resent neets, especially if its their partner and theyre working all the time and you're at home all day. Yes, trad moids also think their wives are lazy freeloaders too even if shes cooking cleaning and child rearing all day.
Relying on men for money is good in theory, but in reality, unless he's an actual paypig with a fetish, most men tend to become extremely resentful and bitter when they're paying for stuff all the time after a while, and may even start to hate you.
Idk why men try to posture themselves as providers because its not really true, most of them are stingy as fuck and dont want you having access to their finances and wont just hand their credit card over to you for anything, especially if the money theyre earning is through actively working and not just passive income from something else. You don't want him becoming a control freak or hating you for spending his hard earned cash.
No. 420458
Nonnies I need some advice, opinions, etc.
I've been hitting it off really well with this guy I met online in a non-dating social space, so there was no upfront "here's my resume with all my expectations etc etc" and throughout the past few months, through the many voice chats and regular conversations around multiple people we've taken a liking to each other. He's local as well.
I met him a few weeks ago at a party with other local people from the group chat that I've befriended and he was genuinely nice. He paid for my lunch and wanted to help me as much as he could. After the party, he did express how much he did really like me to the group chat, but he knows he has a lot of shit to deal with and doesn't fault me for not wanting to move forward in a relationship with him. He has multiple children of his own from his previous relationship and he says he's pretty much done having any more.
I think the big thing for me is that I want at least one child, but the other big thing is the fact I have a higher possibility of being infertile. I'm in my early 30s, PCOS, I've had unprotected sex with 2 of my exes for almost a decade total. No accidental pregnancies. I also had abnormal periods, but the 3 recent years of unprotected sex I became monthly, and I still did not have any pregnancy scares at all.
Would it be even worth it to genuinely go through the steps to consider pursuing a relationship with this guy? I talked to a friend about it and she was leaning towards it being better with me finding a guy who'd rather adopt.
In my head, I'm thinking it's harder to even find a guy so organically like the guy I'm talking to now, who would even be open to adopting because we're both infertile, because it's almost retarded for any man who can impregnate someone to not want to have any biological children, that is unless he's already got children of his own. Adopting is costly.
I do want to raise a child, at the very least. I know if I would be with the guy I have feelings for, I'm also dealing with his ex, his childrens' mother, as well and any custody issues that might entail. I'm looking at it from a point that if I were to be the stepmother of his kids, they're at least his children. He has recently voiced he is open to me being the stepmom of his kids.
And with the topic of my fertility, I think it'd be best I know sooner than later to make the best decision for my near future. What if I do find a guy who wants kids, we get married, but then we find out I'm infertile? He'd more likely than not file for divorce, or at the very least cheat on me and impregnate someone who can have children. That'd be a huge tragedy and a waste of my time.
I don't know, am I thinking too much about this? Or is it a good idea of consideration?
No. 420492
>>420485He loves his kids, it's just yes while I do want a child, I can accept the fact I won't be able to give birth to one. I currently work with children, I think the biggest thing for me is wanting to raise a child long term and see them grow up. Both of us have multiple step siblings so we both get the step parent bond possibilities.
But he's definitely a choice, but maybe I can organically find someone with less complexities and connect with them like this guy. I got off dating sites recently, it was not good for me.
No. 420951
File: 1722616074995.jpg (122.75 KB, 826x871, 1651948842980.jpg)
I am about to discuss sexual abuse. I've been dating my moid for near 4 years. At the start of the relationship, say the first year, he had a behavior that was sexually abusive. He would wake up in the mornings, super horny and trying to co-erce me into having sex with him. I would be half asleep and he would grind on me, trying to wake me up by petting me and kissing me, and the touching would get progressively more sexual, in a really slow burn way. I'd push him off or say I'm not in the mood, but half-asleep so I wasnt very assertive myself, and what he'd do is he'd make the touching more affectionate and he'd progressively make it more sexual until I stopped him and it'd be the same thing again and again. I would play it off as a joke pushing him away, because it was too early in the relationship.
Unfortunately, many times he'd spark a physical reaction after all the heavy petting, and I'd end up giving in and having sex with him, in a dissociative state. He'd joke about it afterwards that he's able to "convince me" to change my mind, but later on in the relationship he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it, without talking about it in depth. Just him checking himself mid-way and me accepting his apology. There have been times afterwards where he couldn't take no for answer and trying to be fake affectionate and then slowly making the touching more sexual, in hopes I will change my mind, but I stood up for myself and he apologized and cheked himself. The thing is, I had kind of burried this inside me but it has re-surfaced and I can't stop thinking about it. Me, individually, I hate being woken up as is, and thinking about this I feel disgusting and violated that I let it happen so many times. I don't know if I experienced it as rape, but it was definitely sexually abusive. I'm extremely ashamed to admit that when I think about it I feel a mixture of disgust, embarassment but it may also spark a physical reaction of arousal, as fucked up as it sounds. It has affected me to the point where I've been avoiding him physically and he has noticed and he's sad about it but I have no idea how to bring this up. We rarely have sex lately because I'm getting flashbacks from that time and I feel like shit.
I know I sound very Stockholm's but please don't a-log him, he's been there for me in really dark times and has been one of the only constant things in my life. He has genuinely uplifted me and supported me, so it is with a lot of sadness that I admit all of this. I would appreciate any advice, as this is really complicated.
No. 420961
>>420951You weren't raped or sexually abused in my opinion, but I don't really have any authority to say, that's on you to decide. I think you just don't like him
like that and your gut is screaming at you to get away from him. Listen to your gut and don't try to over rationalize exactly why what he did is bad or wether it's assault. You are not eager to have sex with him for a reason. You don't want to. Don't remain in a sexual relationship with him. You don't owe him sexual access just because he's been a good friend to you. You can't force sexual chemistry or attraction (which is what he's doing and it's making you feel like shit because you do not reciprocate nor should you if you don't feel naturally inclined to.)
>later on in the relationship he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it, without talking about it in depthNo he didn't he just saw it was bothering you and making you more distant and/or he got tired of begging. I bet you a million dollars he does not think he sexually assaulted you. Unless he realized he has somnophilia and felt alarmed at that, but I highly doubt it since he made an effort to wake you up and that is the opposite of what a somnophiliac wants.
No. 421088
>>420951First of all, I don't think you should over-analyze the past or dwell on the question of whether you felt violated or whether it qualified as rape, because I suspect that if you ruminate on it, it will start to disturb you more and more, while if you are simply glad that it is over and remove yourself from this situation ASAP, you will be less likely to be traumatized by it.
Second, I think the fact that you're as disturbed as you are is a good sign to get away while you still can. You still have time to calmly, amicably break up and escape before things escalate.
>he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it, >without talking about it in depth>There have been times afterwards where he couldn't take no for answer and trying to be fake affectionate and then slowly making the touching more sexual, in hopes I will change my mind, but I stood up for myself and he apologizedThe fact that you never discussed the apology in depth means I don't know if you really know how he feels about this, and I think you may be making assumptions when you say "he realized it was
problematic." And the fact that he still does this shit tells me that you are indeed assuming he's taking it as seriously as you want him to.
I would say the only way it's at all possible to not break up with him is if you have a very detailed, very explicit discussion setting strict boundaries and say it's completely forbidden that he ever does that to you again and if he ever even tries it, you will break up on the spot. OR, if the spark of arousal means you liked it sometimes and didn't like it other times, then you could establish a safe word or certain conditions when you're okay with it (like you guys have to plan it in advance so you get to bed extra early and stay in bed after you wake up planning to get into this). The fact that he vaguely apologized and you never laid down any rules after that is why you're still feeling conflicted now. It's hard to get strict with a boyfriend like this and lay down an ultimatum, but at this point, it's completely necessary. Sexually
abusive moids always take advantage of your shyness around talking about sex.
No. 421836
>>419547you are literally me
and yeah i gave up on anything long term and started seeing the fun in short term, romantic but non sexual encounters. it's been okay. you just have to make peace with it.
No. 422351
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I can't figure out why he is so weird about our car situation. He has a 10 year old car, nothing special, but it was his first car. He paid it off. Apparently his mom cosigned on it, but it is totally paid off. I think both his mom's name and his name is on the registration still because he never bothered changing that. He's the only one on the insurance. I had a car that was totaled by another car (I wasn't at fault) and so I bought a car that he cosigned since I never had opened credit before. I'm making all payments on this car and the registration is under my name or his name. The insurance is only in my name.
He is so weirdly possessive that only he drive his own car. I wouldn't care so much if it hasn't put me in weird situations at times because he doesn't want me to drive his car. We used to mainly drive his car to work (we work together). I would sometimes want to go somewhere to run errands or whatnot, but because of his weird rule, I couldn't. He used to say this was because his parents paid for his car insurance (which they did while he was in college) and he didn't want to risk something happening while I was driving the car. Fair, but now he is paying for his own car insurance. I talked to him about this and how it bothered me and he said he'd change.
What annoys me and what I've pointed out is that I'm the only one on my insurance (it's expensive because I have a Kia and because I'm still paying the car off), but he claims since his name is on the registration it's fine for him to drive it. But this doesn't follow his logic for his car because he used to say it's about the insurance. I've called him out on this and it annoys him and I've had to explain that if we get into an accident when he's driving my car, he is fucked. He frequently drives my car to work with me because it has better A/C, is a new car, etc. and I feel like this is unfair. He gets really upset when I tell him to lock my car, too, because he for whatever reason doesn't do that. I've told him he needs to do that because even though this isn't in the year range for Kias that can be easily stolen, a person trying to do that won't necessarily know and try anyway. He gets really pissy whenever I do that especially because I link it to how if I weren't following an instruction for his car, there's no way he'd let me drive it (i can't even drive it now). I have never gotten into an accident, I once bumped the back of his dad's pickup truck (no damage) and I do drive faster than he does, but I would genuinely be careful driving his car. It's weird because he isn't possessive like this with his other stuff - he doesn't care if I use his computer, phone, etc. It's just he's weirdly possessive about his car. It's nothing special as I said, either. Just a early 2010s commuter car. Are other guys like this? Is this a serious red flag or just something minor?
No. 422356
>>422353It isnt 'good' but it is definitely normal. Most women do this if they're with a moid they're not 100% happy with.
It may that you're not that attracted to him, or that you're resentful over past things he's done or said and have somewhat emotionally checked out. Or it could even be a self protection thing since hes also becoming distant.
Either way it doesnt sound like you two are that into each other, its probably best to let him go so you can both find someone who ignites more passion and attachment in both of you.
No. 422400
File: 1723069280539.jpeg (76.88 KB, 1296x972, cache2.jpeg)
Am I wrong to feel upset about my boyfriend being sure he will move on sooner or later if we break up?
I don't know if I'd move on, I think I'd likely off myself
No. 422502
File: 1723122986012.jpg (53.71 KB, 600x399, giant-african-bullfrog.jpg)
>>422400Is this a
valid reason to break up? Am I wrong to be this upset?
No. 422589
File: 1723139872644.jpeg (83.84 KB, 750x750, IMG_0306.jpeg)
idk what i’ve been doing wrong lately..i feel like shit. im with my boyfriend for 4 months now and im grateful that i have met person like him but im getting tired and tired of getting attached to him, i didn’t really received love in past. he made me feel loved and everything, we could text for hours and never get bored of each other. he introduced me to his family and everything is going well but since im on vacation with my family for 14 days he suddenly somehow became bit dry and just texts me less, like no excitement to talk with me nor he even asked if im enjoying it here. he did it sometimes even before the vacation. i feel like i love him too much and expect him to be like from the beginning but i don’t know what to do it’s just confusing. i don’t really wanna talk to him about this because he might get upset and i don’t wanna start fights through text, i’d rather wait when i’ll be back home and talk in person about that, but it will keep bugging me the whole vacation. i have urge to just ghost him for days and but i don’t have a heart to do that
No. 422604
>>422587He can't reasonably ask you to keep your ethnicity hidden. He should defend you and his choice to date you.
I can't quite find the right words to express what I think but instead of dealing with his family appropriately, he's putting the weight and responsibility on you, I hope that makes sense.
No. 422626
>>422589men always become dry when they know they have locked you down
you have to keep them on their toes ike bpdchans do
No. 422967
File: 1723228659737.jpg (117.21 KB, 1058x705, lets keep going.jpg)
This is a whirlwind of a relationship, but here it goes;
(keep in mind I'm autistic, but actually)
>Get introduced to a nice girl via mutual friend
>Don't have many IRL friends so I suggest we go on a friend date
>I'm shy, but she is very outgoing. Comes on really strong, but that works because I'm not a good conversationalist
>tells me I'm perfect, adorable, the best person she's ever met, so happy to have lived a life where she could meet me, very over-the-top intricate adoration
>I'm struggling to reciprocate meaningfully
>Dinner plans fell through, she invites me over to her place to netflix and chill
>she says to get comfortable, so I take my shoes off and put feet on couch
>Suddenly she's on top of me, I don't want to disappoint and one thing leads to another and we have sex
>guess I'm gay now
(I later learned Netflix and Chill means to have sex, and that putting my feet up was an indicator for sex)
>Leave after dinner, mixed feelings, shame, guilt, but sex was good
>I ask about how to go about being exclusive, because I just found out I'm bi, very religious family, social stigma etc
>She says she's unsure if she wants to date exclusively and she'll think about it
>a little heart broken; let her know I don't want to have sex unless we're committed to each other, but we can be friends
A few weeks later;
>she wants to meet up again
>more or less same shit happens, but we go to my apartment, I sit on the bed (again I didn't realize this was an invitation to sex) and we fuck
>We talk about it, she says she wants to date me, she sleeps over
>Over time gets more distant with communication
>find out via mutual friend she's on dating sites, and is on a date most weeknights
>Like the masochist I am, I get a hold of one of the supposed dates, whom tells me they had sex, and sends me OC lewds of her
The guy was a real fucking loser, too, not just for spreading lewds
>Confront her about this, expecting denial, but instead she tells me she talks to around 400 guys a day on a different website and meets with anyone who is willing to meet with her
>Tells me I am not entitled to her, I'm too possessive, etc. But that whatever I decide, I am a beautiful person and she's honored to have ever met me, she feels sick that she had made me feel bad, etc.
I have never in my life met someone who loved me so much, and simultaneously hurt me so bad.
Is it salvageable? I do admit I am possessive, I prefer my significant other to put me first above internet randos, as I would do the same for them. I feel terrible about having sex, it goes against my belief to take things slow, and now it's just created this expectation and I kinda feel like a beloved fuck toy. I fucked up so much, I should have just said no.
If I leave now or speak up, I am very worried of backlash, as I am finding out she's telling people very different things when it comes to her information. Even the apartment we fucked in may not have been hers. But she knows everything about me.
No. 423599
>>423503>i kept asking him to delete his dating app accounts if he wasnt going to use them anymore and he swore that it was pointless since he wasnt going to use them anyways (which i found very very weird), he deleted one apps account in front of me but i know he hasnt deleted the rest.everything else aside, just break up with him, for the sake of your sexual health if nothing else. he is cheating or trying to.
>>422967>she talks to around 400 guys a day on a different website and meets with anyone who is willing to meet with heronce again, everything else aside, just break up with her and cut her off, for the sake of your sexual health if nothing else.
Both of you should break up gently, amicably, and in a friendly way to minimize the risk of backlash.
These are both people who are so bad that you'll be horrified when the realization of how bad things were with them really sets in, but it's always hard to see that from within the relationship. So I'm giving you your out: these people are clearly, obviously, and objectively walking disease vectors and you need to escape while your pussy is still intact.
No. 423808
Recently met a guy I'm interested in. All green flags. However he has a few female friends. Also has male friends but admitted he has more female friends because for example if he sees a pic of something like a cute animal they're more interested in seeing it than his dude friends. He's not an alpha macho man type which is good, I don't like that, and it does make sense that a man who isn't into being an andrew tate gymbro and is more into artsy hobbies may align more with female friendships.
I asked if any friends he's had in past have ever had feelings for him and he said yes, and that it really sucks when that happens bc for him it was just a friendship. He's attractive.
A female coworker invited him over to play a game with her sister and her sisters bf, I made a joke about it being a double date and he said he wasn't interested in her and she wasn't his type, and showed me a photo of her, and she was very overweight. If she had been conventionally pretty like I'm sure some of his other female friends are, I dont know how I'd have felt about it. We're not dating officially yet but heading in that direction and both want that. Right now I'm just hesitating and thinking about how I'll be able to handle this in the future.
I have basically 2 male friends that i actually consider friends who dont want to fuck me, one is my best friends boyfriend the other doesn't live here, so I can't wally wrap my head around the idea of hanging out with a guy friend and it not being seen as a date to him, or at least proof that I'm interested.
What do you think? Part of me thinks it's a green flag that he has female friends who aren't attractive because it means he doesn't view women as their only purpose in his life being something hot to look at or fuck. The other part of me is worried he's enjoying the attention he gets from them and validation because I just don't know why these girls would want to be close friends with a guy to the extent of talking daily and hanging out if there wasn't some romantic interest.
No. 423827
>>423808I'm inclined to give him the benefit of your doubt. There's nothing in your story that indicates he keeps female friends around for the wrong reasons.
>I just don't know why these girls would want to be close friends with a guy to the extent of talking daily and hanging out if there wasn't some romantic interest.Women having platonic male friends without romantic interest (from their side) isn't that unusual.. Sometimes a fun friend is just a fun friend.
No. 424149
>>422967Is there a reason why you didn't say no to the casual sex despite it being against what you generally view as a moral foundation to begin a relationship (i.e. commitment first)?
Stand up for your boundaries and you will be hurt less. Don't be afraid or desperate to reject someone when it's clear their actions may cause you harm. Someone looking to fuck on the first night of meeting you logically isn't a person guided by the intentions you desire.
I could say how this person is an uncaring narcissist for not settling into a relationship with you, but I don't want to delude you into believing that people aren't generally self-serving and shitty.You will encounter many more like her. The duty you have to yourself is being able to identify these situations and hold firm to what you want–you let slip and got burned.
Just ghost her and lesson learned. You shouldn't legitimize this further. If she asks why, say you just have a lot of differences and would prefer to see other people. Don't defend or explain. Block her.
No. 424291
File: 1723595299998.png (101.53 KB, 275x269, 71854E3B-0C80-4AED-9E91-41691E…)
Nonnas, would you say these are red flags? I’ve been with my girlfriend about 5 months now and we get along really well but there’s some things I’ve found out recently that make me nervous.
>Broke up with her ex at the beginning of the year
>We got together in April
>I look pretty similar to her ex
>Told me she likes a certain haircut which I got, turns out it’s similar to her ex’s
>Told me she liked a certain clothing style, also similar to her ex’s Which I started dressing in
>Posts me on her story but usually not my face. Has only posted my face 3-4 times, normally she just posts a cropped picture of my arm or something.
>Doesn’t tag me in anything but tags her friends
>Hasn’t made a full post with me in it yet (To be fair I haven’t posted her either but I never post anything)
>She and her ex still follow each other
>Still have shared bills so they talk occasionally
>Made a sexy picture her profile picture on Instagram recently
She seems really happy and into me when we’re together. I only recently realized who her ex was and I don’t know why they broke up. Her ex’s new girlfriend looks nothing like my girlfriend. Her ex also wished her Happy Birthday recently but she didn’t respond.
No. 424364
>>424320I guess I didn’t think too deeply about it since I’m a sped and her suggestions weren’t that dramatic. The haircut is flattering and her clothing suggestions were just like ‘I think you’d look cute in button downs and baggy pants’. It just turns out her ex has the same haircut and also wears button downs and baggy pants a lot. She has posted me a decent amount but it’s always been through stuff that expires. I always felt like people who kept their relationships offline were happier but I’m not sure that’s the case with her. I guess she just doesn’t want to have to delete a bunch off social media if anything happens but that’s also not very comforting.
>>424331They don’t live together but they are still on the same phone plan.
No. 424405
>>424186My husband and I practically never fight, and neither do my parents or (from what I’ve heard) his parents. We of course have disagreements but we always just talk things through without getting heated. The worst thing that happens is that sometimes we’re a bit tired of each other’s company and kind of ignore one another/live more like roommates for a bit, but that rarely lasts more than a day or two. We’ve never raised our voices at each other.
My parents are the same, and they used to joke that they should’ve staged fake fights for my benefit while I was growing up so I could learn how to deal with that sort of thing, since I’m an only child and don’t have siblings to fight with either. I used to panic whenever my friends fought with their siblings because I was so unused to it and thought it was far more serious than it was.
So for me, fighting isn’t normal at all, but I also know that this is very uncommon and most couples do fight occasionally. I’ve known plenty of people who insist that
not having heated fights every so often is actually a sign of a unhealthy relationship but imo those people are just coping. As long you’re talking things through and not bottling up your feelings in a way that causes resentment I think our way is far healthier than yelling at your partner on the regular.
No. 424675
>>424652Nah. I think if she's realizing her gf is trying to turn her into her ex, she should dip. At the very least, confront her about all these findings and see how she reacts. I get some people might not recognize what they're doing, her gf might be doing all this subconsciously, there's a chance this might be the case, but if the gf gets defensive about it, she needs to dip.
>>424291You have to confront your gf about this if you haven't already.
No. 424685
>>424291I'm het but had a similar situation where my bf was basically trying to turn me into a version of his ex by suggesting i get certain haircuts, dye it certain colors, wear certain clothes and certain makeup styles etc etc. i didnt realize he was doing this until i actually saw his ex, i thought he just had certain preferences or was advising me what looked good on me. it damaged my self esteem a lot and caused me to have an identity crisis because i hated everything that he liked tbh and he would always make me feel like i wasnt good enough just being myself. please get out of there, you deserve better than someone who is trying to clone you, and it will never work anyway because you're
you. it sounds like she's generally just being quite disrespectful of you.
No. 425601
>>425389>>425413Tbh I know exactly what op means. She wants the other person to engage with the conversation, ask questions, offer advice or perspective. Connect.
e.g.
op: i had such trouble at work today, my boss is crazy
guy: aw i'm sorry to hear that. What's the deal w your boss? / Have you considered ___? / I had a similar situation one time, ___ / etc
VS
op: i had such trouble at work today, my boss is crazy
guy: aw babe that sucks, sadface.
Men are very often incapable of basic emotional intelligence or deep empathetic conversation so this is par for the course.
No. 425662
Currently in the stage where me and this guy have mutual feelings for each other and I notice myself thinking in extremes.
Last weekend, he invited me to go to this restaurant with him, it was great, even the drive back was nice, he pointed out this arcade he'd take me to the next time we see each other.
During the drive back to his place, I noticed I started having these weird thoughts enter my head that tried to blame me for him not making a move on me, like trying to hold my hand or ask for a kiss, etc. I remember one thought telling myself "He doesn't like me because I'm wearing this bracelet I've never worn before since the last time I saw him." As if the bracelet was some bad luck charm. I remember having similar thoughts like this when I was in high school during the non-dating stage with my first boyfriend. I remember telling myself things like "I didn't use x shampoo today so that's why he doesn't like me." And "I'd be more attractive to him if I wore a different shirt, now he's completely lost interest in me."
Does anyone else suffer with thoughts like this, where they're trying to convince me a guy lost interest for me due to some weird reasons?
One thing that's similar between these guys is the fact we started off as friends first, these two are the only guys I've found organically, not via a dating app with intentions to date and have them fit this set criteria before I talk to them. Maybe that's why? I don't know, but it's so annoying.
No. 425994
>>425977>is it really still a huge issue for a woman to flirtAmongst the general population yeah.
>Monogamy seems to benefit men more than it does women, albeit being with men doesn’t benefit women that much anywayNormie women aren't ready to face that fact yet
No. 426080
caught my bf saving onlyfans videos of a girl he used to go to junior high with (we're mid-20s now). i thought he was genuinely so sweet and gracious, but yeah, he's a degenerate in his spare time. he deleted everything without me asking, and expressed that he felt ashamed and didn't like who he was, but i hate that i'm the only one actually continually affected by this. if i didn't confront him, he'd be still doing it for sure
he didn't pay for her of, but me imagining him desperately searching it up on weird ass forums like a water deprived lizard makes me want to kill him. i found the content she made because i hate myself, and there's nothing amazing about it. except for the allure that it was someone he knows. she's moved back to our city, and i get anxiety about running into her and him fucking getting horny off seeing her or something
i feel so disrespected, but this is the best relationship i've ever been in. my heart softens like a little bitch because i can tell he's genuinely trying to reaffirm me and show that he's prioritizing me. but the horny fuck won't stop jacking it to random women on reddit. i'm a recovered fujo/eroge player/fanfic degen, and sometimes i feel super hypocritical. do i even deserve to feel this way, to feel disrespected? do we all consume porn adjacent things?
i wish i didn't know, or that i could wipe my brain of this relationship so i could move on and keep my self-esteem intact because what the fuck. the dumbest thing is that this sucks so much for me because i'm jealous and feel unwanted. i sent him shit, but he doesn't want to look at that. he wants to save and stare at bright, shiny, rando pussy. i made him delete everything he had of me because what's the point. all of this makes me want to rage start an onlyfans, or cheat on his ass and destroy his life. like, now i feel this insane irrational sense of competition with the fucking porn he watches. i wanted to get married hahaha how do i move on from this. someone beat my skull in. sorry for long emo sperg
No. 426093
>>426080aw nonnita im sorry he did that to you, ive been through the same thing and it made me such a miserable person, I tried to work things out but in the end it just made me resent him and everything he did just infuriated me.
My advice would be to end the relationship, it took me three months of biting my tongue until I found out he was doing it again. Again im sorry nonna, you deserve much better than a pornsick man
No. 426111
>>426080Let’s say for the sake of argument that he really has changed; even then I think you have to end things with him. Even if you still have feelings for him you’ll never be able to trust him again.
Other nonnas are gonna tell you that he’s scum and he’ll never change, and they may well be right, but that is completely irrelevant. The trust has been broken and you can’t build a life with someone you don’t trust. End it today. For both your sakes
No. 426151
>>425601Sorry for late reply. I get what you're saying but I've been put on blast by friends for doing what you demonstrated:
Have you considered ____? is unsolicited advice, and I've found through experience that most people who are venting do not want unsolicited advice. I should wait for them to ask me for advice before giving it.
I had a similar situation one time, ____ usually gets interpreted as "making the conversation all about me" and it makes people angry.
To be totally fair, those attempts to connect that you just described are always my first instinct. But I've been criticized for doing them so many times that I just default to "aw that sucks, sadface."
No. 426165
>>426080Unfortunately all men are like this. Even if they genuinely love you and are attracted to you, the novelty of a different woman, and the simulation of cheating through porn will always get them off harder. It's the Coolidge effect that was demonstrated in male animals and the same thing happens in male humans.
>Most men reported that their orgasms are more intense in novel situations with new partners than in typical or familiar sexual situations with a familiar partner.Welcome to female heterosexuality. No matter how good you are, how pretty you are, how much you do for him, like a child he will always be craving novelty, that means simulated sex with a new woman.
No. 426171
File: 1724274403665.jpg (399.63 KB, 4320x992, Study.jpg)
>>426165Good post, nona. You reminded me of a slew of studies I saw referenced here. Here's a cropped image of the one that your post reminded me of.
No. 426228
>>425690Yes I'm pretty self conscious. I actually find this mutual feelings but not dating yet part of the relationship worse than actually being in the committed part of a relationship.
We're mainly not committed now because we realistically don't know when the next time we'd be able to see each other, we live 150 miles away, but we have loose plans of his things will pan out the end of this year.
No. 426670
>>426080nonnie, you have to leave him. this should be a dealbreaker for you. he will not change. i was in a relationship with a man who had a porn/sex addiction. he went out of his way to hook up with escorts. he spent thousands of dollars throughout our 7 year relationship tipping camgirls. all throughout this, he kept telling me he'd get better, he kept telling me he loved me and only me, he kept telling me i'm the only important person in his life. he only knew how to hide things from me better each time i confronted him about it. if i could've changed one thing about the whole relationship, i would've left 5 months in when i first caught him.
don't get your hopes up. save yourself from any further pain and leave.
No. 426848
File: 1724500834960.jpg (24.37 KB, 607x612, 1000010979.jpg)
ANONS PLEASE HELP ME I'M GOING CRAZY
>bf wants me to be close with his family
>invites me to dinner at his mom's all the time
>all we do is sit in the living room and eat
>she barely asks me any questions
>barely makes conversation if I ask her questions
>sister is cool, I like her
>her scrote makes me nervous because I do not know him
>boyfriend makes no effort to really include me in conversations
>I'm already a very, very anxious person
>he thinks rambling and then going "oh, and [gf name] does it/likes it too" and then shutting the fuck up to let me speak is somehow doing anything other than making me incredibly anxious
>tells me I'm not trying hard enough when the anxiety makes mind go blank and forgets how to talk to people
>tells me it's weally weally weally important for me to be close with his family
>doesn't understand that telling me I'm not doing enough and that it is incredibly important to be close with his family is making it so much worse
>always wants me to go eat dinner at his mom's when I have a shitty work schedule
>as a result gets upset with me because I don't want to spend 3 hours of my day sitting and being scared as fuck and not knowing what to say when I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn the next morning for work
I literally don't know what to do that will make him happy. It's like even when I do go he's upset that I'm not talking enough for his tastes when his mom can barely hold a conversation herself that isn't about how much she hates work and the people she works with. I also try to match her energy and try to bitch about work with her too but that also gives the same result. I don't know what the fuck is so vitally important about loving his fucking mommy but it's infuriating. He's known me FOR YEARS he's always known I'm incredibly anxious and hard to talk to people and I am trying, I just don't know what he expects. My mom says to just try listening instead of talking but I do that too and it's not good enough.
What the fuck do I do??????? Nonas please help.
No. 427040
>>427025Yeah I wasn't really thinking of doing that. The husband has a gun and sounds pretty angry about the situation, it's nothing I'd directly involve myself in.
Mostly, I'm wondering what I should do about my friend. I feel like there's nothing I could tell her that would make this right again… if I tell her that this is terrible, that woman may just get her to distance herself from me and she'd lose a big chunk of her support system.
But how can I just stand by and do nothing when she gets involved in things like this?
I also can't see her in the same light anymore now that I know she's apparently willing to take 3 kids parents from them to fulfill her own desires. Is it really possible that she just doesn't see what she's doing?
No. 427534
>>427022I would do nothing. Let her have her downlow relationship. The kids will be completely fine. The fact the husband might know is not a problem as long as he doesn't hurt your friend, most men would not feel threatened by a 20 year old woman sleeping with their 30 year old wife
he probably thinks it's hot if he does know and if he made it public in some way he would expose his own family too so it's mutual destruction.
I would be more worried your friend is going to be roped into some disgusting downlow threesome situation, especially since you say the older woman is manipulative. Tell your friend to be careful and guard her heart/safety and not take any risks or let her boundaries be crossed.
No. 427539
>>426848Stop going immediately. Draw a hard line. You can schedule a once per month pre-scheduled hang out night that works with your job
if you want to do that. Say you're really busy with work if he or his mom asks, then gray-rock and don't say anything else.
No. 427906
>>427739Yes. And then once I found my husbando (who's now dead) I realized nobody ever
could live up to his character.
No. 428044
File: 1724824968367.jpeg (57.92 KB, 680x384, E1076564-EC50-4D63-9491-DF517F…)
Guys is it fucking over for me…
> accidentally runs into and get aquatinted with this one guy in senior year
> Finally… ･:+.totally dreamy･:+ nerdy twunk in my autist clutches
> 2nd week in, we’re holding hands
> 3rd week in, We kiss eachother on the cheek ( HOLY FUCKKK )
> Prom night, WE FINALLY KISS.. ON THA LIPS..
> Ask him what are we
> We’re a fucking situationship
> Persisted through the horrors
> Months pass with no contact due to bullshit drama ( lmk if you want the run down cuz oh my god.. )
> Getting high at a church at midnight and finally hits me up again
> PHONE SEX TIME! for awhile.,.
( VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: People have warned me about him. I can’t remember but something about shit he said and did but I believe giving people I barely know a chance so it goes over my head lel )
> FINALLY!! Suck dick around winter break( fun on paper, not really in practice… damnn.. )
> Phonesex one more time
> He asks me when I come back to the state
> lies and says soon ( I was flat broke LMAO )
> weeks pass.. AGAIN..
> I ask him when does he come back for thanksgiving and apologize
> short and dry answers
> stalks his spotify later that night( favorite activity) and has a new playlist with a girls name and a heart next to it
>oh god
>Tracklist: Falling for you, Me and my broken heart
>OH GODD
>She posts on her insta, HES LAYING HIS HEAF ON HER LAP
> OH MY FUCKING GOD
> Autist meltdown
Like UGH! I’m not jealous at the girl or anything. She seems nice and I don’t get jealous at girls cuz I’m old and wise now BUT WHATTT..? I know what I signed up for, though NEVER being in a relationship like this. ( or any relationship lol ) I really like him and I don’t consider him like a sex toy or anything. I think he’s really sweet and smart and I do want more but I put it aside and just settle for this “friends” with benefits charade is because I love him. ( I can’t say it, even in phone sex cuz he gets uncomfortable due to past stuff so I try not to say it :(( )
He rarely willingly texts me or anything. The only times he talks is if he sends me a suggestive video which leads us to flirting back and forth until sex, I tell him about drama or things happening in my personal life.
Basically, AM I COOKED..?(very unintegrated post)
No. 428111
>>428044First thing I read was 'suck dick' and I refuse to read any more. Who the fuck is that in the pic, some youtuber?
>AM I COOKED..?Yes you're 13
No. 428131
>>428114Nta but yeah it's quite common for a healthy relationship to feel "boring" if you're used to the up and downs of a
toxic one (I mean unless it's boring becausebyou don't do things together as a couple and just sit at home all day)
No. 428217
Tbh it's my doing for making him believe I really want to have a baby, but over the past few weeks, I've moreso come to the conclusion I'm fine with not having a child of my own. I just wanted to have a secure relationship and I correlated dating someone who also wants to have children as a sure way to be with someone who's right for me. I've been hurt in the past, and it's more like rebelling against the fact the ex I was with the longest and we ended up not having a child or getting married, I thought I'd find someone who could love me if only they wanted to get married and have kids. Even after that guy, the guy afterwards was terminally online and I then had the belief that I will find my prince charming if I date a normie, which in turn just made it easier to dislike him quicker, because I couldn't find much in common with him.
But I can understand even if I explain myself if this guy doesn't want to move forward dating me because I'm so black and white about what I want. Like, a month ago I was talking to my friends about how I want to get pregnant and have a baby. I guess, just looking back at that, it was about 2 weeks after ending it with this guy who wanted to move in with me.
I feel hurt knowing the guy I want to be with has this idea that I want children of my own, but I should speak up for myself if I really want this to work.
No. 428271
>>428044Not to encourage the sperg but please come back
nonnie I want a rundown on the bullshit drama
No. 428418
>>428408I have a thing for the power imbalance and it’s fun for now, I love his company and he makes me good food. I just also like knowing I have a way out of a relationship when I’m in it, I have a bad habit of dropping people quickly just to exercise my freedom.
I guess knowing a year from now I can just move elsewhere is a good string for me to hold onto. Thanks.
No. 428839
Nonnas I just don't know what to do about my relationship. I've wanted to break up for about a month or so now but I don't know if I should just be throwing 20 months away just because I'm insane or something. I'm only 22 and it's my first relationship ever (she was even my first kiss) so I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm being unfair to myself for thinking that.
She's kind and sweet and attractive and I do love her. She is my best friend and I would genuinely want to be her best friend forever. I know that some of the issues I have right now would be moot with a best friend–I find myself wishing we'd met as friends somehow because I don't know if you actually can stay close friends as exes.
That being said, there are reasons why I want to break up:
She has a lack of ambition and laziness that upsets me. I'm 22 and in my second year of law school. She's 23, graduated undergrad more than a year ago, and has been unemployed (other than ONE animation commission and a week at a day camp) ever since. I don't care about unemployment really, but she does NOTHING.
I fell in love with her because she was an art student and I was very impressed by her taking the risk to pursue her dreams like that. As an artist who decided to go into law for stable employment, I was really inspired by her bravery and passion. I was wrong to think that. She has no student loans because her parents paid her way. Her parents bought her an apartment in an extremely HCOL city after graduation. She pays no rent, and doesn't HAVE to work, nor does she want to. And again, that might be fine, except she won't even draw if she's not being paid for it because it's "not worth her time"… the time she spends on youtube and twitter. I thought this was her dream, but apparently she went to a very expensive art school because "animation was the only job I thought I could maybe bear doing".
I feel like her affluent upbringing has made her childish and complacent. I was raised middle class and am now disowned by my family (for being gay)–I have nothing now and scrape for what I have. She went to a top private school, attended an extremely expensive art school and left with no loans, has no rent to pay.. and she still won't even bother to draw to update her portfolio or something. If she would be working on her artistic skills during this time, I would be so proud of her. She won't even bother to do anything but doodles every now and then. She has absolutely no drive and admits she's always had no drive. As long as she's happy in life, she doesn't care.
Not only that, but she dislikes my ambition. I will admit that my upbringing (kind of tiger-parent-esque, I'm not white) has made me much more ambitious than a lot of my peers. I actually think this is one of my traits that I am most proud of. In a heated moment, she called it a sickness. And that the way I thought was sick. I just shut down then. It felt like she doesn't respect my beliefs about work at all. She apologised, of course, seeing my upset, but I know she still believes it. She continuously talks about how she hopes I'll change, how she hopes therapy will calm my ambition down, etc. I don't want to change. I hate that she stays in a relationship expecting me to eventually change.
Because she doesn't change. Not even for the simplest things. I bring things up and she promises to change and does not. I asked her simply to fix her sleep schedule and not take 2 hour naps every afternoon–her response was to attempt to HIDE the napping from me (she sleeps 13 hours a day!). I ask for more initiative re: sex, she promises and nothing ever happens. I ask for more physical affection, it's there for two weeks and then the onus is on me again. And she doesn't even seem to realise she can't change.
Finally… we just have total sexual incompatibility. I have an unusually high libido for a woman, and hers is DEAD dead. It caused some tension at first, as she expressed that she "hoped my libido would lower" when I never said anything similar about raising hers, and continued rejection when I made advances made me decrease advances to about once a month. She won't initiate. And when she does, she just asks. There's no build-up or kissing or seduction or anything. And it's not even good for me. It got to the point where I, as the higher libido who can get myself off like 5 times a day, was unable to come during sex. And because I perceived her as lazy, asking for more effort form her just felt like torture.
At this point I just don't want to have sex with her anymore. I don't want her to touch me. There was a point this summer where I promised myself I was going to advocate for my needs and enjoy sex for once… and she got overly anxious about a DISCUSSION WE HAD HAD ABOUT DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS and the fact that I'd had a bad day at work (while she fucked around at home all day, mind you), and told me that my initiating and excitement for sex came off as aggression. She was acting like a scared fawn while undressing. Well, it was like a light switch. It felt so childish and made me feel so disgusting for my desires that I can't want her anymore. I look at her and I just see a teenager. The thought of her touching me is just stressful.
Pros of breaking up:
I'm 22, I get to live out the "prime" of my life maybe dating people I actually really want to be dating, and have sex with people that actually want to have sex with me. Maybe even good sex. I've only been with one person… and I think there's probably better for me out there in terms of physicality.
Furthermore, I DO love her! And I worry that my dislike of her will make me mistreat her if I continue in the relationship. I have higher standards for a partner than a friend. If she was my friend none of this would upset me. But I can't build my life around this. And the longer I stay in this, the harder leaving becomes.
Besides, I don't think she deserves someone who performs a cost-benefit analysis all day.
Cons of breaking up:
We have two cats who are bonded. A breakup would necessitate me moving out, and I can't stand to separate the cats. At the same time, I have no family, my cat is all I have. I can't stand to ever leave my cat behind. I can't take hers, either. It's a bad situation.
Again, I have no family. She's a great friend and most of my support system, and a breakup would ruin that. I also like and am very close with her friends, the breakup might ruin that as well.
Now, to the cost-benefit heartless end of things… I live rent-free with her in the one-bedroom her parents bought her. This is HUGE for someone going to law school on loans–the cost of breaking up with her would be increasing my law school debt by 50k. Also, she IS white and affluent, and dating her provides me with significant upward social + financial mobility that I don't know if I can give up easily. I'm entering a career that is super prestige based. Having that kind of connection to rich white America is really really valuable. It would also help financially considering she's the only inheritor of the estate. I realise I sound like a gold digger… but life is life. Unlike her, I've had to grow up really fast. People stay in ABUSIVE relationships for less money than this. I might be an idiot to leave.
Finally… reading through this it's obvious I'm a difficult person to love. I might just never find something comparable let alone better.
I just don't know what the fuck to do.
No. 428870
>>428839She doesn't do anything which is bad on on its own, but she actively shits on your ambition and calls it a sickness hoping you'll get "better." Same for your libido as well. She doesn't seem like a very loving or affectionate person, more like she stays with you because she is too cowardly and lazy to break up. You deserve someone who loves you and puts in effort for you, nonna.
Personally, I don't think it's worth staying with someone who doesn't love you because of the financial benefits, but it's your call to make.
No. 428886
>>419759The post you're replying to (
>>419627 ) is a likely a sneaky variant on "break up with him over the tiniest red flag" posts. The point of those posts is to encourage nonas to become single, because the authors themselves are single, and people like it when others become more like them.
The post is saying that all men should be sugar daddies, a type of man that women who post here would never run into. If you're vehemently against sex work, which most people here are, you aren't going to be running into Johns very much, because a billion subtle choices will screen them out of your life. For example, if you have a "husbando," you probably have a lot of guys who are into anime in your life, and that set isn't known for producing a lot of sugar daddies. it's more of a rich extroverted nightclub-scrote type of behavior. A lot of drug kingpins and club owners are sugar daddies for example.
If you convince women to demand sugar daddy behavior from men who aren't in the sugar daddy demographic, then you will cause them to be single, because they will worry that non-transactional relationships are unloving relationships. So what the person is on about is she wants to make more people into
femcels nad acquire validation for her lifestyle that way.
No. 428924
>>428886Nailed it. Even if it's justified, banging on about how women need to leave their partners rarely works anyways. Better to work out
why a woman would put up with shitty (but not
abusive) things and how to make the relationship more satisfying for her.
>>428839She's the classic dead weight. Honestly, staying with her for the rent is understandable, at least while you mourn the relationship. Idk about staying for the estate kek, if you're already fed up and can't even stand to have sex with her now, it won't get better afterwards. It really won't. You can try seriously talking about it with her, bringing up your list of grievances but knowing this type, it's unlikely she will change. Don't repress your frustration with her or feel guilty about negative feelings in relation to your gf. It's normal and you can't keep yourself from falling out of love anyways.
I've been exactly where you are: dealing with someone with zero drive to do anything, the lack of initiative during sex, hyper-supportive parents that feed into this stasis. You might remain in love (though to be honest, it really looks like you're done) but honestly, this dynamic only fosters bitterness over lost time and self-loathing for tolerating this. The good side is that you don't have to worry for her because she'll be able to leech off her parents (a lot of the time, people stay because they feel like they 'owe' support to complacent partners).
> it's obvious I'm a difficult person to loveIt isn't obvious at all.
>how she hopes therapy will calm my ambition downWhat a retard.
No. 428963
>>428926all I will say is that anytime you catch moids acting
sus, the reality of what they're doing behind your back is almost always 10x worse than what you suspect. bear that in mind.
No. 428989
>>428870She is very loving, she loves me very much and does want to marry me etc. I just don't think love is enough to keep it running.
>>428924I think she just wanted therapy to fix my ambition because I set goals high and get upset when I can't reach them. I just try to explain that that's how GROWTH works but she just won't do that. I think she just doesn't tolerate discomfort at all.
I was actually so heartbroken when she gave up on finding an animation job after like 3 months. IT'S ANIMATION! And she spent the whole time Just applying and not bolstering a portfolio or networking or anything. I feel like her mother, and I tell her so. Her response is just "I wish you would stop that". I would love to, but you won't eat vegetables unprompted…
You may be right. I think the longer I stay the more the love is leaving and I'm losing the good parts of our friendship.
No. 429120
>>429109nonna, the exact same thing happened to me 2 days ago. Last time I saw him we were happy as could be, he told me loved me, and just a couple days ago he gets randomly distant and quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he said that “his brain is changing”.
It was the first relationship I ever had in which I felt a connection and hopeful for the future and I’m completely crushed. I was pretty mean with my last text but I don’t care. He had me vomiting and crying all day.
No. 429135
I don't know what to do, the obvious answer for the both of us is to break up but both of us are fucking retarded and just ignore each other's attempts at breaking up. Something happened that hurt the both of us, and it's escalated into arguments spanning days and days with no really seeing 'eye to eye'. She's just told me she thinks I have zero empathy for her, I don't like her as a person. I told her I didn't feel cared for, or loved. But I don't know how she can make me feel loved or cared for. I don't know what I want from her, from this relationship. And I can't string her along while I figure myself out, isn't it easier to just spare each other more shit?
She has a lot of shit going on in her life, she's very mentally ill (she knows that, actively goes to therapy and such), there's like no break in her life, if you get what I mean. And so I never feel like I have any space in the relationship, my struggles are small and not really that significant. I try to be there for her, and I try to help her when I can. When she was going through withdrawals I was there for her. Stayed with her in the hospitals during some shit going on. There are things that I can't really help her with and I feel so torn about it. Because she really is struggling. But at the same time, I feel like I am a secondary character in this relationship, I don't feel like my feelings are important. Things like that. But I don't know, that's not exactly her fault it, is it? I can't blame her for that, for the fact that shit keeps happening to her. And then it makes me feel so fucking bad to talk about my insignificant shit to her, I always feel like I'm adding more to her plate. She tries to reassure me of these things, but they don't help. I don't know why, whatever she says, I still feel how I do.
And when she talks to me during arguments, I don't feel listened to at all. I feel bad for even expressing how I felt because she takes it in the worst possible way, and then she adds things like 'my life is already going to shit and I felt like jumping out of the car' and like, how do I feel okay sharing that I feel uncared for when she says things like that? It makes me feel stupid. I feel like I'm just making her life worse.
No. 429158
>>429144i mean, i don't know you or her beyond what you've posted but i don't think it's healthy that you're questioning yourself to such a degree. the relationship certainly doesn't sound like it's good for either of you and you both seem unhappy. is this something that you can honestly see improving or do you think you're both going to be stuck in a
toxic cycle for as long as you remain together?
No. 429178
>>429171Well mine is still a proud functioning alcoholic so maybe I’m safe and not about to be divorced kek
My advice is to send him away while he has his retarded mental breakthrough or leave yourself on a spontaneous trip. He’ll realize he’s taken you for granted and is not appreciating the comforts and love he has in his life
No. 429186
>>428888But some nonnas do lack a spine though, I’m reading stories of sleazy husbands who are clearly cheating or who are at best entertaining dubious relationships (ex. The husband who was still in contact with the woman he cheated on in his previous relationship).
Maybe it’s me hating men or being young, but I wouldn’t accept these kind of behaviors. Life is way too short to be with a man who doesn’t respect you.
No. 429428
>>429214This. Some women are complicit in their own misery because they give far too many chances and excuses to men who wouldn’t do the same. (I’m not talking about DV cases btw)
Men get up and leave at the first problem, always, they’re selfish and opportunistic. That’s the reason why your moid deletes messages with their “friend” , not because he doesn’t want you to misunderstand or hurt you, it’s because he knows that what he’s doing is wrong. Same goes with men who leave their spouses when they have a debilitating disease like cancer or who cheat on their pregnant wives or spouses that are busy taking care of the household and children all by themselves.
No. 429492
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>>429486
>She is genuinely really a good sweet person, much much better than I am. This may be tough to swallow but this is something
victims of mental and emotional abuse say in co-dependent relationships all the time. She is not a good person if she blackmails you with suicide when you want to end the relationship which you should be free to do so at any time. Sounds like narcissism, histrionics and sociopathy. She probably abuses you in a plethora of ways you decided to ignore over time. I'm sorry nona. Check out picrel when you feel ready and don't want to fall for that again.
No. 429823
>>429821Leave him now. This is how
abusive relationships begin. He's slowly chipping away at your self confidence.
No. 429857
I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost a year now and we live together. At the beginning everything seemed great, we clicked and got attracted to each other quickly and there was this instant connection in our conversations with each other.
However. After only 1-2 months after we started dating was the first time I noticed she gets offended and hurt very easily, and her reactions are very strong to say the least. Often things that would be at most mildly upsetting or annoying from my perspective become huge deals to her and escalate into big fights. I don't want to speak on other people's behalf and say what they are "allowed" to be hurt or upset by (because it varies from person to person), and usually I can see why she's upset or hurt. It's just the proportion of her upset that gives me anxiety and makes me feel like I should be walking on eggshells to avoid making her angry/upset/hurt.
A few examples of things she's been very upset by (I feel a bit silly listing these, but maybe some examples will give you a better idea): 1. there have been multiple occasions where she's encouraged me to go meet a friend or attend an event, despite me telling her I could also stay with her if she's feeling bad. Then if I do end up going, she's upset afterwards and says she felt lonely and abandoned. 2. One night her kid was making a lot of noise when we were supposed to be going to bed, and I said "jeez, how is it possible to be making that much noise still". She accused me of picking a fight with her, snapped at me saying "do you hate my child that much? Maybe you should just live by yourself if you can't handle hearing some noise every once in a while (I get along with her kid just fine, but her kid not going to bed on time is a constant issue that sometimes annoys me because it's tough to be sleep deprived at work). When I replied I'm not trying to pick a fight and that I'm sorry for making a pointless comment like that, she snapped "can you just not talk or touch me? I need to sleep". I said fine and was annoyed, and in my annoyance I pushed my blanket aside and a corner of the blanket ended up slapping her in the face. I apologized but she accused me of doing it on purpose and said I was violent and impulsive, and it was as if I had hit her.
3. One evening we were supposed to watch TV, but I spent 5-10 minutes on my phone first because I wanted to reply a message. She got upset and said "that's unbelievable. We really do think differently, huh? I can't believe you would do something like that when we were supposed to watch TV and instead you're on your phone, not even doing anything important!". She had been snapping at me earlier that evening and I was on edge because of that, so I said "do you really want to start an argument over this?". She started crying and said no, and turned her back on me and I continued "it really annoys me how you seem to think you're allowed to say anything you want and however you want to me, but I'm expected to just stay calm and take it. I think you're unnecessarily mean sometimes with your words. Maybe you should consider my feelings too?". She started repeating "stop, stop it already" and I asked "am I not allowed to defend myself when you accuse me of things?". Afterwards she said she was left scared of me because I "broke her boundaries" by saying my piece although she told me to stop, and that now she can't trust me to stop with anything when she says I need to stop. (But like… is that how boundaries work? You can say whatever, but if the other person reacts and you tell them to not say anything, that's breaking a boundary?)
Usually I can understand the reason why she's upset/hurt, it's just the magnitude of her reactions and the accusatory and aggressive tone she takes when airing out her grievances. She's not like this every time she's upset, of course, but often enough for me to stay on alert a lot. She can be very accusatory, mean and guilt-tripping when she's angry, and I've tried to tell her that I'd like to hear about her upset/hurt, it's just that the WAY she expresses herself bothers me. This has led her to accuse me of trying to "change her personality" and being "demanding". When I ask for something like this, she sometimes says things like "I've tried my best, but you demand so much, I can hardly keep up with your demands".
I've also noticed that in most of our arguments she takes the position of the victim, and blames me for "picking a fight", and often lists good things she's has done and says in comparison how little I have done x or y. Just a few days ago she said "if this is you trying your best for me, I dread to think what you not trying at all would look like". Whenever we have a fight, it's usually me who ends up apologizing and trying to bring back the peace. She may also apologize or acknowledge her part in the situation, but not always. And I don't mind apologizing and acknowledging my mistakes, of course, but it's started to feel strange how I'm 99% of the time the one apologizing for things and I feel like the role of the scapegoat is being pushed on me.
Aside from her big upset/hurt reactions, I feel like she often expects me to read her mind. She might say she is okay with x and I act accordingly, then she's upset because I didn't realize that what she REALLY wanted me to do was y. Once when we were sightseeing, she arrived to our meeting spot and said she was hungry. I asked if she'd like to buy something quick to eat on the go because we had tickets to a place where you had to enter at a certain time, and the time frame was approaching. She didn't really comment on my suggestion. Then we separated at the place we visited, and some time later she texted me that she left, and proceeded to stay out until late night without telling me where she was. When she got back to the hotel, she was upset at me for not taking care of her and dropping everything and telling her we have to find something to eat, and asked "should I attempt suicide before you take my hurt seriously or what". When I replied she should tell me directly what she wants and needs, not expect me to read between the lines (because honestly - if I was hungry, I figure it's my responsibility to either grab something to eat before going to places, OR tell my partner that I'd like eat something right at that moment). She doesn't take it well when I call her out on expecting me to mind read. She usually starts crying and tells me to "stop it".
She's also jealous of my best friend and seems to suspect we have something going on and that I'd rather be with my best friend. As a result I've started hiding how much I talk to my best friend altogether. My gf has also accused me of trying to hit up old "exes" (read: I followed someone I originally met on a dating app but we were never anything but platonic with each other on social media, and my gf didn't like this). Meanwhile she kept in touch with an old ex of hers in secret - an ex that's tried to hit on her when we were already together too. She doesn't want to give this "friendship" up.
Sometimes I also feel like she's… paranoid almost and it worries me tbh. There's her suspicion about my best friend, and sometimes she's also accused me of gaslighting her and even trying to plot against her with her own friends (yeah). When she's upset I feel like she also often assumes my intention is to hurt her, that I'm hostile towards her, that I despise her (she's e.g. said things like "do you really hate me that much?!" and "am I that repulsive to be around and touch??"), etc. It's pretty hurtful because I have no interest in hurting her on purpose, not even when I'm really upset and angry at her. I hold my tongue a lot so I wouldn't blurt out hurtful things that might cross my mind in the heat of the moment. Sometimes I also feel like she's gaslighting ME almost, such as when she says something provocative and then accuses me of "picking a fight" when I reach my limit and respond. At those times she also usually claims that I "fly into a rage", even though I think that I'm annoyed/angry, yes, but I don't yell, scream profanities or call her names, etc. But she claims I'm "raging" and that I've even said things I really don't recall saying. When I try to defend myself, she says "maybe you just were so heated you don't even remember it". Idk it just makes me question whether I'm crazy and whether I really am abusive and violent and what have you.
She's told me she'd like to hear about things that upset/anger me as well, and that she'd like to support me to express my feelings, even strongly if needed. But at the same time it feels like often when I DO express my annoyance, however mildly that is, she thinks it's the wrong time or place and then I get berated for not taking her feelings into consideration and being insensitive. Sometimes when she's said something that sounds hurtful/mean to me (such as the comment about me living alone), she twists it around to say "oh no, I was actually trying to ask whether you'd need more space and time for yourself because I care about you so much. I wasn't trying to imply you should move out of our home". Idk if she does it purpose to manipulate me, or if she doesn't realize things she says contradict each other.
I know it's popular to call everyone BPD-chan or a narc and I definitely know I can't armchair diagnose, but sometimes I wonder whether my gf does have some borderline type of characteristics at least lol. We're gonna meet a couples counselor and I know all of this probably sounds pretty bad esp now that I wrote it down, so idk whether advice is needed. Maybe I just wanted to let all of this out and perhaps see if someone has gone through a similar situation, and wants to weigh in if you had enough patience to read my blogpost.
No. 429868
>>429821He would rather be with anyone else but is with you because you were the only one he could get.
This has nothing to do with your value. there are people out there who will want you the way you are. Go meet them and leave this one behind.
No. 429882
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Tips on how to cope with my moid and I being long-distance for several months? Especially as a jealous person?
He's very unlikely to cheat, by the way. His situation minimizes the possibility by a lot.
I was in a LDR once before but it was somewhat bearable since we hadn't met in person. Still fucking sucked but this sucks in a new way.
No. 429906
>>429896Why are you just considering it?? He should’ve been gone like yesterday.
Ugh I love all you nonas and I was ITT spilling my feelings years ago, so I have mad empathy. But I feel like this entire thread is a case that proves the nonas in the Love After Porn thread correct — that when you’re dealing with men, you’re either a single woman or cucked, physically or emotionally. Even nonas ITT dating women seem to have it rough.
No. 429995
>>429896Controversial for here but even my ex-gf watched porn while in our ldr and I don’t care too much about it. It will randomly anger me because I’m insane and it’s an excuse for me to chimp out and exert control, but usually I understand. I get off to people outside of the relationship myself so I won’t be a hypocrite. As long as my partner continues to physically belong to me and doesn’t put my body at risk for disease it is what it is. They could just use their imaginations to pseudo-cheat if they wanted.
I am confident my current bf isn’t too porn focused. He was a virgin before me and didn’t break his dick which is the only evidence I accept because men can lie. He’s also on meds now that I suspect are affecting his libido a bit.
Just wish there was a way to control the thoughts that he will cheat and bring back super aids to me. I don’t want to be tempted each day to send him rants about how much I suddenly hate him and want him dead.
No. 430005
>>429995my bf was a virgin, on meds and also had a working dick but he was severely porn addicted. just because a man can still get strong erections doesnt mean he isnt a PA. just saying.
>i get off to people outside the relationshippersonally i dont do this, im extremely loyal and prone to 'oneitis' as moids term it, i want someone who can match my loyalty level, if not im fine being alone. everyone is different and thats fine.
No. 430019
File: 1726439752258.jpeg (49.88 KB, 629x656, IMG_6667.jpeg)
I’m in a 4 year long relationship with a really sweet guy but I’ve come to the realisation that what I want out of life and relationships doesn’t align with him anymore. We’re on different paths. I know I need to talk about this with him and realise it’s probably going to end in us breaking up, but this is my first relationship, my first everything. Just thinking about having that conversation and putting us both through that inevitable pain fucks me up. Do nonas have any advice or tips with how to approach this, and how to cope with the fallout? I know time heals all but I’m scared of how bad it’s going to hurt
No. 430068
>>430044yeah, I've been there. it sucks, but the fact that you have clear eyes about the situation means you can be smart about it if you can bring yourself to stop treating him as YOUR number one choice and simply use him until you find something better. let him stop being a priority to you instantly and remind yourself that you're settling and just keeping him around to pay for dinner and give you head until you can find a real relationship. if you can't manage to disengage, then breaking up would be best, I bet.
there's nothing wrong with you. you're probably young enough that you're surrounded by stupid men and a little unlucky. some people are really good at appreciating the people they have and some people are always looking out for better or comparing their real girlfriends to an imaginary standard. I hope you can find someone who makes you feel loved someday.
No. 430100
>>430096She said 'since finding out about it' and 'kept secret from me' which implies they both hid the fact from her until later on in the relationship. If it was that easy for people to just 'leave' then 1/3 of women wouldnt have experienced an
abusive relationship, but here we are. No
abusive or
toxic relationship starts out
toxic or
abusive, that's the whole point. Moids only decide to whack their gfs over the head with this shit once she's in love and comfortable with him and bonded.
No. 430103
>>430100I've been in
abusive relationships and the red flags are there even before you enter them, people just tend to ignore them or are unaware what they signify. That's why you gotta educate yourself and build up self respect and confidence. Not trying to shit on that nona btw. I know the feeling too well. I just think ending up with people like that comes from a lack of self worth because you can usually tell something is off from the beginning, but you decide to not trust your gut and then it turns out you were right. And yeah, from what I head it takes about 7 attempts to leave an
abusive relationship. Education is key to not fall for their shit and to not become too attached when being with someone. It sucks
No. 430176
>>430172People are just lazy and complacent these days. A lot of them want everything served to them without any effort or risk taken from their side - they are npcs who don't take charge in their lives. You could also have some behavioral patterns that make you choose people like that - for example, one or both of your parents weren't proactive and didn't initiate contact with you when you were growing up, or your parents could have been extremely controlling. Things like that can make you "blind" to people who behave differently so you unconsciously find yourself around people who don't take charge and the ones who do can look unattractive, annoying, bossy or even threatening, like they want to take away your autonomy and trap you.
This can be also caused by the culture you live in or location. Some cultures tend to be more passive in general and the people there seem to just settle. You can go on a holiday to a different country and see if this keeps happening.
No. 430178
>>430176Samefag but another thing that is a factor here that I found is the internet and perceived availability. People are under the impression that everyone is always available to them all the time because of social media and communicators etc. so they don't put so much value on spending actual time together. They think they have access to an unlimited pool of partners so they are under the impression there is someone out there that is better than what's in front of them so they don't want to put in the energy to initiate any kind of commitment.
A lot of people are also addicted to social media and their phones in a very nasty way that makes them stop using their brains (the npc thing) and they are tired all the time and have diminished brain power and decision making abilities because of this.
Just try to find someone normal and don't overinvest in people from the very beginning. If you put a lot of effort in the beginning the person will just assume this is your normal and they don't have to do anything. Put in a bit of effort and see if it's reciprocated. If it's not, let them leave. You can't expect yourself to do 80 or even 90% in a relationship constantly, but if they don't reciprocate in the beginning and wait for you to make all decisions, initiate all the time etc. you can't expect them to do that at any point of the relationship later and it usually gets worse over time - and this happens in all relationships, not just romantic ones.
No. 430180
>>430176This is very nice way of saying that i'm into passive loosers xd
But i don't think this is do much culture thing, beacuse i live on Poland and people here are passive but patriarchal and 99% of the time it's men who ask women out. This is me issue
(xd) No. 430184
>>430180Interesting, I live in Poland and think this is a cultural issue. In France, Spain, Italy men are much more proactive. Polish men are emotionally castrated due to tons of generational trauma. And you will rarely find women openly talking about asking a man out since that is decreasing her social value, people lie about a lot of shit like this all the time.
Anyway the trick to this is to not make any moid feel special. You should not single one moid out and talk to him on hours over discord but be in social settings more, where you give about the same amount of attention to all the men you want to interact with, but never go home and talk with one of them for hours because he will think he's so special and already won. This will cause them to want to compete. They are really dumb. Also some moids need to see that you are attractive to other moids before they can decide if they want you. If a lot of guys look like they want you, then they get more motivated to pursue you lol
No. 430197
>>430188The fact that your boyfriend isn't cutting out this friend immediately is proof that he isn't as good as you say he is. Your boyfriend should be afraid of you being offended or upset, but he clearly gives no fucks. And in the worst case scenario, your boyfriend is lying and he's too chicken shit to break up with you directly so he pulls a juvenile stunt like this.
>>430193>I gave him freedom and space, I never asked about other girls, I did all his sexual fantasies and I've been nothing but honest and supportive, always there for him.You never overextend yourself for a man unless he proves time and time again that he will go above and beyond for you. I can tell that you're a giver and ofc you'll be frustrated because most men are passive and take take take.
No. 430201
>>430196He claims that his friend is not bothered by me, and I don't understand why would he be in the first place because we exchanged only a few words at most, I don't usually interact with him.
>>430200We were playing a game and he was at his friend's house and he went to the bathroom and his friend apparently typed that during that moment. He said it himself that it would be a pussy move to break up with me in this weird context and I want to believe him, but idk if it was his friend who came up with this idea to taunt me. He's usually very mature and levelheaded and our relationship seems to be going so well, I don't understand why would he retort to such childish games
No. 430211
>>429821why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel like shit about yourself?
you deserve to be with someone who adores everything about you, even anything you perceive as a flaw, they should adore because it’s part of you. Dump this bitch
No. 430254
>>429877Kek that's fair, and in retrospect I think I should've rather posted that in the Vent thread
>>429879Idk if I'm retarded but is moving in together within the first year of relationship that unusual? Of course there's a bunch of problems to put it mildly. Her kid lives with us biweekly and she seems like a devoted mom. I'm the one she gets mad at but she's never snappy like that with her kid, not that it's still great for me kek
No. 430423
>>430414No incel tendencies but he's only been in two relationships including our current one and his last relationship ended kind of messy but they were teenagers then. I knew him back then and he did not take it well and thought he was going to get back together with her (not in a creepy way but in a sad delusional way), they planned on moving in together but before they had the chance she dumped him and stopped talking to him.
>>430415This makes me so nervous because we are planning on moving in together. He said he's scared I'll just stop liking him once we move in but we've spent plenty of time together in close quarters living together during small trips and stuff.
>>430416Oof you're right in that he's a more bare minimum guy. That's why we had a blow up fight. The thing that keeps me from dumping him is the fact that he has greatly improved since we have begun dating and has had a lot of growth. He is so different from his messy breakup relationship and has been consistently different and better so I don't think it's a fluke.
Thank you for the advice nonnas. I gave him expectations to meet. He said he will do better and that he will put his all in it. I told him that I didn't want to date someone who isn't fully invested because I plan to stay with him for a long time, potentially even marriage but of course we are nowhere near that and still have things to learn and behaviors to change, and he said he completely understood and that he was sorry for causing so many problems.
No. 430540
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>>418013im the
nonnie who posted this,
>>384924 , about a man online (22 years my senior). soooo turns out he's super serious about me, we've met multiple times and in a month ill be maxing out my visa and staying with him for a few months !!! after that, i plan on moving to him in the new year.
now im wondering, how do i tell my family i plan (am fully set on)moving to another continent? they're very against it and dont want to me to. im torn. i feel selfish for wanting to go there, but i know that i cant prioritise their comfort over my life. has anyone done this for their nigel? ill be moving 6,000 miles away
No. 430545
>>430542You'll be very vulnerable and completely isolated from your family. You can't underestimate how unfavorable your position will be in the power dynamic once you're there. He has the money, he speaks the language, he knows the country and how everything works, he has a social network, he's physically stronger, he's got 20 years of life experience on you.
>i feel like it wouldve been obvious by now, no?No? People (men) change once they've locked down (marriage or baby trapped) their partner all the time. Even happened to my own mom and she only moved 20 minutes away.
You'll be completely at the mercy of someone you don't know well. No you don't know him well. I'm not saying there's absolutely no chance this couldn't actually turn out to be a good thing, I'm saying you're putting yourself in an incredibly risky, vulnerable position. Even if he means well now. You wouldn't be the first woman trapped abroad with no one to turn to, there's even been multiple anons on here in that position.
No. 430631
>>430540Some of you bitches are so retarded. See you in a few months in the vent thread where you'll be ranting about your Nigel being an
abusive narc and asking for sympathy from anons in the thread. I don't feel bad for retards like you.
No. 430724
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>>430638>>430631>>430592>>430590>>430564>>430566>>430556>>430546>>430545im very well aware of the risks, and im grateful to have a very solid support structure with parents who would fly out/financially support me in a heartbeat if i was in danger or being abused. i dont put up with
abusive shit from anyone, ever. ive dealt with disgusting and
abusive moids, witnessed it with friends/familu and if he even showed a sign of that behaviour, it would be nipped in the bud and i would be gone. im not here to defend my relationship or preach about how good it is, because the reality is that none of you know me, him, what our relationship is like or the justifications for it. i appreciate you all for being rational and telling me to look out, ive heard and discussed all of these concerns with family members and friends already - who are now very supportive of our relationship.
i posted here for advice on moving overseas to be with a romantic partner, not to be talked out of it. if anyone has any legit advice pertaining to that, i would love to know
(avatarfagging) No. 430741
>>430724Even if he's not
abusive (I really hope for your sake he truly isn't) I just feel sad for you. 22 years older? You'll be the one changing his diapers when you're his age. Is that really what you want?
No. 430762
>>430724when shit goes sour don't act surprised like you weren't warned nona. the other nonas are right, you are being incredibly naive. sure we don't know you, him, or the relationship dynamic. but knowing someone for 7 months and moving to a different continent for them when they are 22 years older than you is just preposterous. those types of age gaps do not go well no matter how well you guys work together right. down the line there will be problems. you guys are going to realize how much your differences set you apart if he isn't a predator at the very least. even a 12 year difference with someone can be strange, considering how different each others life experiences are. i'm not even talking about taking care of him down the line, there's major differences in age gaps like that. your parents going to fly you home when you're a widow in less then 20 years? not like it'd work out for that long, unless he's loaded with money and is incredibly emotionally immature for his age. guys who can't find women their own age or seek out younger women have problems, that's just a fact.
you like older men? find someone 10 years older than you when you're at least 30, someone whos local. this is a bad idea. there's a reason why no one is saying it's an okay idea. if you're this serious about him, surely you two can wait longer? or better yet, why can't he move to where you are in a few years if you guys are really making such big decisions together? nona… it's not sounding good no matter how you spin it.
No. 430764
>>430762>>430763>>430740>>430741>>430744>>430750why do you all act like he's gonna be geriatric? in 20 years, he'll still be working. he's very physically active, healthy, and absolutely doesnt look his age
if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different. im not here for a hugbox, which is actually why im posting on the farms. you ladies are honest and i appreciate different perspectives and input. however none of you are saying anything new to me and are blatantly ignoring where i mentioned my parents have vet him, i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etc
our ideals and personalities are very closely aligned, he's hot as fuck, is stable and makes good money. so why not? why should i stay in my shitty little town and get married at 30 to some rando i have nothing in common with? me moving to where he lives is a long long process too and we have to jump through a lot of hoops. its not happening anytime soon
No. 430769
>>430764>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different.No shit, because a job gives you money, experience, a support system and stability even if you have to move for it. Moving overseas for a man is likely to leave you socially isolated and financially vulnerable. The fact that you don't see the difference is only further proof of your poor judgement.
Anyway just stop posting and do whatever you want, clearly you're convinced of the superiority of your creepy old moid and your infallible taste in creepy old moids but sane anons are never going to respect a relationship like that.
No. 430770
Hi
I've been in a steady relationship for nearly 2 years now. We dated previously in high school on and off, but it was never as serious as it is now. He has his flaws, like his messy appartment and his gaming habits, but overall he's genuinely caring, cares about my well-being and happiness and would do everything to make me feel safe and cared for.
Now, for the past 3 weeks I had been thinking about a long distance ex, who I was dating for 1,5 years after I broke it off due to overbearing parents who would quite literally not let me go see him. He did come to see me irl. Due to me repressing everything about this relationship I can't remember much. I know I was a bitch to him when we broke up because I was 17, scared and hurt. It was easier to push him away.
So, 2 weeks ago I sent him a text after not talking for 3+ years, apologising. We started talking again and just yesterday he told me he's still not over me, would've moved to my country for me, done everything for me etc… And I just sobbed. Because he was saying goodbye, permanently this time. Maybe this is just nostalgia, and I'm romanticising this for no reason other than that. Because what I do remember is him not wanting to post me, following all kinds of e-thots like belle delphine and not listening to my concerns when I brought them up etc..
But now i'm torn, I love my boyfriend so much, but i'm also dealing with these conflicting feelings. I've been nauseous for the past 3 days, I haven't been able to eat much at all.
What the fuck do I do? How do I figure this out? What the fuck??
No. 430772
>>430764>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively differentOf course it would be different, you would be doing it for yourself and not for some moid, you'll be isolated as fuck if you move countries just for this reason.
>i mentioned my parents have vet himParents are not always right.
>i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etcNo you don't, having met them a few times is not "knowing them".
>our ideals and personalities are very closely alignedMaybe he's pretending to be on the same wavelength as you just to secure you? Wouldn't be the first time it happened with a moid, especially on an LDR.
>he's hot as fuckDoubt.jpg
>why should i stay in my shitty little town and get married at 30 to some rando i have nothing in common with?You don't need to do that either.
>me moving to where he lives is a long long process too and we have to jump through a lot of hoops. its not happening anytime soonAnd hopefully you'll change your mind before this point.
But there's no point in arguing with you, you sound very young so the more we tell you to break up with him the more you'll insist he is the love of your life. Let's just hope you wake up before he gets
abusive.
No. 430773
>>430764you clearly aren't listening and it's sad. we aren't all acting like he's geriatric, several other crucial points were made and you're just covering your ears and repeating yourself. do you really need our approval so much? if you wanted cheerleaders you should have gone asked some women with less experience. i really don't know what you expected here. you've clearly made up your mind so go out and make this shitty decision on your own.
>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different.correct. because that's an entirely different situation. you'd be moving for a job. that's… not even close to similar to what's going on here. i would advise ANY woman i know against moving continents to be with a man she's known less than a year. any woman. let alone a man who is 22 years older. i brought up
>>430762 several points, so for you to boil it down to "why are you all acting like he's geriatric?" is a bit ridiculous.
>so why not?we thoroughly explained why not. i don't know why you're trying to argue this when it's unanimous. no one is going to cheer you on because it's clearly a bad idea and you just refuse to accept that so i don't know why you came here asking for advice if you were going to be stubborn about it. i don't think anyone here is going to give this a stamp of approval. seriously, why ask for advice in an advice thread if you're going to be this dense and refuse to take any advice that isn't supporting a choice that you will very likely regret. you're fooling yourself.
>however none of you are saying anything new to me and are blatantly ignoring where i mentioned my parents have vet him, i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etcthen why are you here? everyone else around you is clearly as delusional as you are, why do you need our support too? go off and live your shitty dream, no ones stopping you. we advised against it, you are naive and foolish to think that this will work out. again, since you're so certain on it, i don't know why you even bothered asking for advice on here. hoping for your sake he's harmless and as emotionally stunted as you are.
No. 430786
>>430770>Because what I do remember is him not wanting to post me, following all kinds of e-thots like belle delphine and not listening to my concerns when I brought them up etcAnd this is the man you want to leave your relationship for? You might no longer have feeling for your bf and that’s why you’re having thoughts about your previous ex and the main reason why you even contacted him and continued to entertain him in the first place without telling your bf I suppose, in my book this counts as emotional cheating kek.
If you’re not happy in your relationship you can leave nonna, you don’t need a big reason to.
But you’ll be an astronomical retard to go back this man. You do you.
No. 430788
>>430770>We started talking again and just yesterday he told me he's still not over me, would've moved to my country for me, done everything for me etc…All meaningless words. Also, how the fuck did he come to see you IRL when you were 17? There must have been an age gap which makes him a disgusting creep. Clearly you're not satisfied in your current relationship and that's why you're romanticizing this freak. He's all you know.
>>430787Her current boyfriend doesn't sound like much of a catch if he's a gamer and can't clean up after himself. Women rarely ever have wandering eyes for shallow reasons. Chances are he's not as great as she says he is and he's not meeting her emotional needs.
No. 430789
>>430788You do make a good point, I mainly meant that he seems to treat her right from what she said.
She could at least wander her eyes to a better catch, not to another scrote who might even be worse that who she’s with.
No. 430792
>>430540Six months in and you want to move in to a whole other continent already? You’re still in the honeymoon phase too, it’s obvious that the relationship is sailing right now.
This seems like the riskiest move you could ever do. You’ll be having no support system near you, you would be just depending on this man. What if he is a slob? What if he turns
abusive?
You should at least do a period test where each of you visits the other for a couple of weeks if you can.
Also you find a good paying job where you’re going too? If you’re currently financially independent in your own country don’t move Jesus Christ. No love can ever compare to having your own freedom and money.
You sound extremely naive nonna.
No. 430793
>>430789When a woman says shit like "omg my nigel would give me the world!" I take it with a grain of salt unless they give examples. Usually when they are waxing lyrical about their moid without any context he's usually very mid. Women's standards are very low. As evidenced by the fact she's crushing over this porn addict scrote.
>>430790Men who are gamers are usually porn addicts. Also not cleaning up after himself. All of these point to low-impulse control, he's probably an ADHDemon as well.
No. 430794
>>430542Lol do you think he’ll show you his true colors when he is still wooing you? Men are not dumb, if he’s a piece of shit , he’ll show it to you when he manages to trap you, by:
- getting you to leave your job
- making you move to another country
- making you pregnant
No. 430795
>>430787>>430786>>430788No you guys are right, this was definitely not an okay move from me. I just needed to throw it all out because I got so nauseous from the confrontation but I can't get in touch with my therapist lol. Thanks for talking some sense into my scrambled, useless brain.
I have avoidant tendencies and I realise I might just be pulling away from my current boyfriend for no reason. My current boyfriend is really good to me, I just have to say the word and he drops everything to come and see me, it's not like he's game-addicted. He also takes my concerns very seriously, when I ask him to change something he won't hesitate to do so.
When he was 20, I was 17. And in hindsight, yeah, that's definitely not okay.
No. 430798
>>430724That’s exactly how a woman who thinks that she’s so above anything that she would never put herself in a position to be abused like those pitiful battered women thinks
Do you think it happens from 0 to 100? It’s gradual. Nonna it can happen to you and you’re honestly throwing yourself in the lion’s den. Everything is a red flag
> senior of 22 years > met online > love bombing> coaxing you to move in and to live with him> you’re not even securing a job in his place before moving either No. 430799
>>430751Dating a man you don’t find attractive is the most stupid thing you can do. It’s a disservice to yourself. Unattractive men you take pity on aren’t any better than the attractive ones.
Do you see men giving a chance to ugly women? They don’t and they don’t feel guilty about it either. Ugly scrotes even have the audacity to try their luck with women who are out fo their leagues too.
No. 430815
>>430751it's better to be alone then be saddled with an ugly moid that you're going to end up resenting if there isn't any attraction there. it's like other nonas have said, especially
>>430799 the least you can do for your future self if a future guy turns out to be shit is to never have had to put up with that behavior from a scrote that isn't even attractive enough for you to give the time of day to. Also she's completely right that even the ugly ones would not be thoughtful enough to give a bad looking (and most of the time even just an unconventionally attractive) woman a chance. I am unfortunately in a situation where I am regularly surrounded by fuck ugly scrotes who think that women in an objectively higher tier than them are beneath them - they're fucking 3's who want 11/10's it's ridiculous.
All that being said, no don't date someone if you don't think they are good looking. You deserve butterflies, nonita.
No. 430842
>>43082518, not too long ago.
>>430835Phineas x isabella
No. 430859
>>430844> how did you find out? does he seem autistic?He uses the same username on everything and mentioned he had an acc on a fanfic site so I did some digging and found it. Also I’m 99% sure he’s autistic but he’s never explicitly mentioned it. For what it’s worth though I’m autistic as well
>>430856I don’t want to for privacy sorry kek
No. 430867
>>430864He wasn't raped, nonna. He cheated on you and had sex he regretted. Women can't have PIV sex with men who are drunk and unconscious by the way. A man simply isn't going to be erect when blackout drunk.
>i broke up with him because i felt i was cheated onGood call. Don't let him guilt-trip you into taking him back.
No. 430871
>>430864if i was in your shoes, i wouldn't stay with him either. i think that's that. he made a mistake and it sounds like he's trying to play
victim. i would stay away from him. i'm sorry this happened to you nona. don't let him convince you out of it. you are right and justified in how you feel
No. 430874
>>430869Because in their dumb peanut brains they think women live life on easy mode. After all, women can get drunk and have sex with random men and say they were raped to avoid responsibility. Yeah, because every woman wants to risk getting raped, abused, and possibly killed just for mediocre dick and no orgasm. And women can make "money" by doing porn or OF… Completely ignoring the fact that most women only get pennies, and these women are severely mentally ill. They need therapy, not sex work.
Notice how everything revolves around sex and how easy it is to get sex and making a living through sex. Men want to be women because they want the "benefit" of whoring themselves out.
No. 430940
>>430864If he was raped while being severely intoxicated he wouldn’t be trickle feeding you the truth and tell you bits of it each time.
Him and his homies organized it and played it off.
How did this girl and her friend know where they stayed? Because he invited her.
Why did the girl he kissed come back to his hotel? To have sex with him duh, not any of his other friends.
Everything points out to him cheating nonna.
Keep your head up and don’t let him gaslight you.
No. 431043
>>431036I always believe it when a man is raped by another man, but I always take it with a grain of salt when it’s allegedly done by a woman. I’m not saying that it can’t happen, it definitely does happen when it’s a boy and adult woman (that I always believe, death to all pedos), but grown men? Nah
There’s a similar story I stumbled upon on Reddit rn, Op’s boyfriend went on a bachelor party and op got sent a video of bf having sex with a woman, he told her it wasn’t consensual since he was drunk. OP left him anyway and redditors were berating her kek.
You’d rather break up than risk the chance of staying with a cheater pos and the chance of a man cheating is higher than him being raped idc.
No. 431095
File: 1726760857577.jpg (926.21 KB, 1300x1740, 1000047811.jpg)
Nonas is it time to dump him?
We have been together for nearly 2 years, we each have our own places but we often live together as well. It kind of seems like he doesn’t care any more and we are on autopilot. He is untidy and I always hate when he stays with me because he is terrible at cleaning up after himself (it’s less bad at his place because he has a maid… now I know why kek)
I thought I would stick it out because he takes me on nice trips, gives me gifts, doesn’t watch porn, we are compatible emotionally, and he is good at sex. But to be honest it’s been 8 months since he even made effort with gifts or vacations, and is increasingly careless with plans (for example making plans with me, then having to cancel because he forgot he has a work commitment, etc). I am increasingly feeling like I would be just as happy single, therefore what’s the point?
The thing holding me back is I know that this happens with a lot of moids and they stop trying after they think you are locked down. Will this just happen no matter what I do?
No. 431425
>>431248Convince him to do weird sex shit, of course.
t. Bf and I are bpdfags
No. 431431
Hi nonnies,
I had a gut feeling and checked out the browser history of my boyfriend. He said he wasn’t watching porn anymore, or at the very least way less, because of issues with oral and stuff.
It’s full of porn. Almost every day since “I need it to sleep”. It goes from regular porn, to r34, to OF leaked content, belle delphine etc etc. To even having a separate twitter account to look at nsfw stuff.
God I feel sick, otherwise he’s so good to me, so gentle during sex (I have vestibulodynia so we have issues with sex), we even went without sex for nearly a year while I was awaiting treatment. He pays for nearly everything, picks me up whenever I ask from wherever even if it’s 3 hours away. He says he wants to marry me.
What do I do?
No. 431448
>>431431Nonna you have to ask yourself: do you or do you not want to stay with a porn addict? Don’t think about the good things just about this, Because this is what he fundamentally is. He has an account just for twitter porn and watches porn every night and r34.
Is this the person you want to marry? If you’re fine with it proceed, if you aren’t leave. But staying won’t change anything. You’d rather leave after two years than remain for 20 because you’re scared of being alone or to have wasted your time
I’d rather remain single , even for the rest of my life if all men are like this.
No. 431456
>>431448>>431449It's just so heartwrenching, because I just brought it up to him. And we've had issues for a while longer where he was liking suggestive reels and stuff on instagram (you know the sort), I asked him not to do it anymore and he doesn't. The porn thing, I asked to lessen because of our issues and he did for a while but started up again. He told me he "didn't know it was such a big issue for me and that he would stop it entirely". But how can I trust that? He broke my trust once before by texting two girls and having their notifications, and only theirs, silenced. One convo was really nothing, but i'm still confused as to why he silenced it, the other convo was with a girl his ex was friends with, calling her pretty after she sent a selfie. I called him out on it and his explanation was " well I wanted to devote my time to you, so I muted their conversations". My best friend brought up the fact that, why only those convo's? Why not just put your phone on dnd?
Sometimes he changes things, and then sometimes he does dumb shit like this which crushes my trust in him. He got all defensive when I told him I checked his laptop and he doesn't like that I lied to him about doing so. When I told him I wanted some space he just kept following me, wanting to give me a hug, so I went home. I just got a text saying he loved me.
I'm so tired of this.
No. 431478
>>431431almost everybody watches porn. I literally could not give a shit if someone I'm with watches porn unless he's so bad he's losing sleep over it missing work and can't get hard without it. if that's the case he's trash. it's totally up to you how much it bothers you, it's a fine reason to break up. the issue I see with yours is he said he didn't watch it but he obviously does a lot so he's a fucking liar and he deserves the trash can.
>>431456> the other convo was with a girl his ex was friends with, calling her pretty after she sent a selfie.okay so he's just borderline cheating on you and you're dumb if you believe this isn't openly flirting. dump his ass.
No. 431515
>>431456Ugh, this is why ugos and useless men will never remain alone and die out, there’s always a Red Cross woman ready to sit by their scrote through everything.
He watches soft porn on ig, he watches porn on twitter and therefore watches it on pornhub too, he cheated on you twice (flirting and purposely hiding). He’s a fucking loser.
If you want to vent, vent , but don’t fake asking advice.
No. 431516
File: 1726863755709.jpeg (33.83 KB, 320x208, IMG_8525.jpeg)
>>431456Just go out and volunteer nonna, you’ll get the same feeling of helping and being better than your average citizen, but the difference is that you’ll be actually doing something productive.
No. 431526
>>431515I wasn’t looking for advice really, more confirmation of what my gut already knew. But yeah, my mind is made up. He’s getting dumped. Best friend told me he talked to her bf about his “hot fuckbuddies” and his ex who was “super pretty”. I’m starting to see reality and it is bleak lol.
>>431516I really should lol. Thanks nonnas.
No. 431527
>>431526Good for you nonna! Take some time for yourself. You’ll find someone for you eventually, don’t get too down.
Spend some time with your friends, maybe take a new hobby too or just take time to relax. It’s okay to miss him too sometimes since you must have liked him for you to give him so many chances, but time will make it pass.
No. 431536
>>431529They don't see girlfriends as people and their gf's likes and interests are just something to put up with. They want a girl who won't have opinions and will just be there because they want to be the main character in the relationship and a girl with similar interests could potentially see through their bullshit and might challenge them.
This way the gf just lets him play 'his video games' and as a bonus he can feel smug trying to get her to play a bit because he knows she's just doing it to make him happy.
And if you wonder how they can compartmentalize like that, just look at how many fathers treats their sisters and daughters vs how they treat their wives. A wife/gf to them is a job, she's there to provide services and make babies.
No. 431651
>>431529They want to be the “cool” one in the relationship, they’re afraid to be challenged, hence why they even hate on women who are are passionate about the same hobbies. Their ego can’t handle a woman challenging them and proving them wrong.
This is another reason why the alt man prefers to go after normies, why men who have higher education still pursue women that don’t, why doctors go after nurses and so on, while women usually like to have someone who is on par with them or better too.
No. 431653
>>431529Yep, dated many men who pursued me bc I was cool, funny and pretty, only to get mad bc I would talk about things I was interested in bc my knowledge/wit would make them feel inferior. Turns out they only liked it in public when others could see they had a cool funny gf and they they could brag about it, but they didn't actually want it when it was just the two of us. Then they wanted a silent dumb girlfriend ornament that would look up to them and not display any form of individuality or personality.
Cried real tears when my now partner told me unprompted that he loves listening to me talk and could for hours bc I always have something interesting to say, first time I've ever had a guy show genuine interest in me as a real fleshed out person.
No. 431655
>>431653Me too nonna. I’ve been ghosted by men after nice dates where we chatted all night , but me clearly stating that I prioritize my studies and future (I’m in STEM) always made them weary, that and shutting out any sexual comment too.
I don’t know if it makes sense but they think that I’m easier by how I look, I like feminine things honestly, from clothes to make up so I admit that I do have a certain look. But when they realize that I’m not like that then their fantasy gets shattered.
No. 431790
I think I need to end the relationship I'm in, but I need advice first. I'm bisexual and I was married to a woman for 5 years. She was my soulmate, the love of my life. We did IVF and have a daughter together. She passed away last year in a car crash, and I've been mourning her ever since. I met a really nice guy, who's okay with raising our baby, and we've been together for a few months. I love him, but not as much as I loved my late wife. He recently talked to me about feeling jealous of her, and like he's never gonna be as accepted as she was. I told him he's being paranoid, and that my family does like him. But he says that every time he's around them, they always compare him to my late wife. I told him I'd talk to them about it and asked if there was anything I could do to soothe his discomfort. He asked me to take down all the old photos I had of my wife with our baby, and I said no. He said he can't be in a relationship where he comes second to a dead woman, and gave the ultimatum of getting rid of her presence in the house, or him leaving. I really do like him, he's a very sweet guy outside of this and my daughter loves him. But I don't like the idea of him trying to erase her from my life.
No. 431802
>>431684I'm back.
He cheated LOL.
No. 431872
>>428839This is me and jesus it’s only gotten worse. At this point I’m just annoyed constantly when she’s around and I realised I find her objectively attractive but just am not attracted to her at all… it makes me feel really
toxic and fucked up that I can just stop having feelings like that. Isn’t that a cluster b trait?
No. 432004
>>431805honestly not to derail but it's so fucking annoying you can't even leave a blank line without having 10 people jumping you
Sometimes when you're on your phone, what is just a line on computer seems like a wall and you just want to space things a little.
Or you want to give some sort of effet "I'm back [blank line] HE CHEATED" (you know the blank line leaves some tension)
So can we stop being blank line nazis? Unpopular opinion I know
No. 432502
>>432499Also my current boyfriend is incredibly kind, patient and loving which makes it feel all the worse. He tells me often he wants me to move on and stop beating myself up/feeling guilty and he’ll stay with my every step of the way.
I love him but sometimes it feels like he’s too perfect and all his words come from a “how to be a perfect boyfriend” guide and he feels so disingenuous but I know that’s how he truly is.
Maybe I’ve just been in too many
abusive relationships to understand.
No. 432567
My bf has an online nevermet female friend, long ago they discussed possibility of dating, but he ultimately turned her down, which she seemed ok with at the time, and they remained just friends. He starts dating me, and she starts melting down at him constantly, guilt tripping him about how he's all she has, calls me the "other girl" and "jokes" about him leaving me and some other fucked up shit. (He sends me screenshots of all this.) He tries to shut it down, but doesn't like to cut people out of his life entirely, so she successfully keeps fishing attention out of him. He puts her in contact with a friend of his, they got it off. And now this girl is telling the guy that her and my bf dated while we were together and shit, and I'm fucking mad and sick over it. I've put so much effort into being empathetic and good and calm over this fucking girl, and trying to trust how he's handling her, but it's one thing after another and I just wish she was out of his life entirely. But I don't think he would go no-contact with her if I asked. We've talked about it before, and he reduced communication a lot, but she keeps sucking him back in with sob stories and he's too empathetic to not cave to it I guess. Idk what to do or say anymore, I'm just hoping that she has someone else to focus on (poor guy) and finally leaves my bf alone. Not sure how to even talk about this with bf, I dated a narc before him so I'm pretty much terrified of any conflict, but the shit with this girl is twisting me up inside. How the fuck do I talk about this in a way that makes things better for me and doesn't make me lose him or make him mad at me lmao
No. 432571
>>432566My view is that sex is an expression of intimacy and romantic love. If the sex is bad, that's not a separate issue, that says something about how you both feel and view each other. You view him as housework which is not a way to live.
This is also my personal feeling, but I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with somebody whom I would have to ask to lose weight. I'm not their mother, I don't regulate their behaviour, they chose to gain weight (short of illness causing it) and must choose to lose it on their own. To some degree I do think it is natural to want to sexually attract a partner and the real question to me is, why isn't he interested in doing that? He doesn't want to have good sex with you (love you properly), he's got fat– which is not the same thing as a body changing with time or pregnancy (or men who have their sexual attraction to women corrupted by patriarchy/porn)– but you get along mostly? A lot of people view a relationship as an investment, 'good on paper', when it's really a partnership where you enrich each other's life, and that enrichment actually matters (sex, attraction, joy being with each other, etc.). I just wrote out this reply and now realise you asked for personal experience but kek, sleeping with a guy you're not attracted to is not the way to go either way. That's the great lie of misogyny. Why did you fall in love with him and pick him as a partner? Maybe getting back to that can lead you to a healthy relationship again, but once you pass that point where you force yourself to have sex with him, you have made a massive emotional compromise towards yourself. It's not a small thing, though I don't want you to feel bad about yourself because of what I'm saying.
>>432567You have to spend all this time doing emotional management and practising tolerance and what do you get for it? You're not a saint, and he's keeping this shit-stirring girl around. What about your feelings? If you haven't been honest with him about how seriously detrimental this is, then you need to just be upfront and honest. Being in a relationship with a narc will have trained you out of valuing your own feelings and it's put a fear in you of making him mad. Unless you suspect him to be dangerous– in which case I think we can all agree you need to quietly exit that relationship in the safest way possible– if he gets mad at you for expressing how uncomfortable this girl is making you, that's on him. It's all within reason (you're not controlling whom it is that he can be friends with) given that it's causing you emotional grief and discord in the relationship and he's not doing tremendously much about it. He should be trying to conflict solve in a way that isn't just about managing
her feelings.
No. 432578
>>432567Why are you staying with this retard nonna? He’s letting this girl walk all over him , even to the detriment of his own relationship. This girl feels comfortable enough to badmouth you because your boyfriend is a dog who can’t even defend his own girlfriend. If a friend of mine talked like that about my girlfriend I’d cut that shit out immediately.
You need to tell him that this shit is unacceptable.
No. 432579
>>432567You should be the one who is mad nonna. Wake the fuck up. He likes her and that’s why he’s still entertaining her bullshit and being “sucked back again”. She’s not doctor who and doesn’t have psychic powers to mind control him, he’s the one letting himself to be drawn back to her again and again. And you’re staying there like a retard accepting it all.
One day he’ll meet her with the excuse of “we’ve just had the chance to meet baby don’t worry!” and he’ll fuck her behind your back. That or they’re already sexting and exchanging nudes kek.
No. 432583
>>432499You’re currently using your boyfriend as a rebound, hope you’re aware of this nonna. People should resolve their underlying issues with their exes before jumping into other relationships and bringing their bullshit with them. This goes for men and women alike.
Any good man you’ll find will never be like your ex because you’re stuck on them. The problem is you.
No. 432606
>>432567He's enjoying the attention and having you get upset and insecure over her. If he loved you, he would cut her out IMMEDIATELY. You wouldn't even need to ask him. He wouldn't risk doing anything that would hurt you or push you further away from him. He doesn't care, nonna. At least you found this out early on and not when you're married.
>>432581Truth. Really, these men are not empathetic. They are just cowardly people pleasers, who only care about outward appearances. They always feel their girlfriend is the one person they don't have to be a people pleaser towards.
No. 432862
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>>432818Just sound awkward and dont worry about it. Tell him you know you sound awkward if that makes it less scary. I promise you he will probably just find it cute and appreciate the effort. Or send him cute couple memes, thats easy if you find it too hard to say anything yourself
No. 434318
>>434252She’ll have to come around it alone, if she’s already on T good luck with that, it’s going to be even more hard. If she’s only using he/him and hasn’t done anything to change her appearance other than cutting her hair then I’d feed her little by little GC notions. Never go full on
terf though and don’t talk about TIMs either as she’s been trained to react strongly against that. Act dumb and clueless and ask questions that are innocent enough to pass as naïveté and curiosity.
Why are you even dating a TIF? Don’t stick with crazy nonna.
No. 434362
>>434252stop thinking with ur clit; unless yall have any items belonging to one another or shared accounts/subscriptions, cancel the accounts, divide the assets up, ship her hoodie back and break up.
You cant change crazy
No. 435045
>>435002Just to see me
>>434998I agree to an extent. I think being willing to travel so far, while working does show a certain amount of commitment and effort. That and caring about my interests, organizing activites I like, etc.
No. 435073
>>435050I had a friend who had a relationship similar to what you're describing, very rich older dude, constantly traveling to see her and taking her traveling, lovebombing, gifts, later he was also paying for her apartment, food, gym, a bunch of stuff, I don't remember a lot of details. Mind you there were also red flags from the beginning where he was lying about random shit, I remember he lied about his age and she only found out when she looked at his passport that he was like over 25 years older, not 10. Anyways I don't wanna say this is your situation but after 2-3 years of dating she found out he was cheating on her with like 4(?) other women that he was also flying out to see, traveling with, buying stuff for etc. Mind you, he was telling her they were going to get married and making plans, turns out he was saying this to every girl because he was basically choosing which one to marry. Again not to be a party pooper but I got reminded of this story. Just be careful and stay safe, pay attention to red flags, look him up wherever you can. Also try to find out if he's telling the truth about where he works. If there's not a lot of info about him on the internet it might be a red flag. Don't be afraid to ask question about his life, and if he avoids them or gets upset he's definitely trying to play you. Anyways try to have fun but also be careful, I know it's hard when you're already in love and seeing negative responses feels really bad, but remember to put your safety and wellbeing first.
No. 435140
>>434963This all feels like a spin on
>>430764 . Samefagging, or something weirder?
No. 435151
>>435110Kinda agree here. As long as you don't get dependent on him it's fine to get him to pay things for you, especially if he's loaded which I'm getting from this?
That said within the context of it being an LDR, age gap and you having no experience… if you were an IRL friend I couldn't wholeheartedly tell you to go ahead and do it and feel right about it.
No. 435596
>>435572Some people's BPD is only
triggered by romantic situations, sounds like she has worked out her
triggers and is smartly warning you about them.
Shame and embarrassment are highly prevalent in BPD, you should not enter a relationship with an untreated bpdchan. Keep the kiss in the shlick bank, keep her as a friend and move on.
No. 435614
>>435596Why even bother dating a BPDchan kek? Put yourself first and have some self preservation. Your chances of being cheated on or abused skyrocket.
This one was kind enough to warn you and keep you away, others aren’t so kind.
No. 435649
This
>>428839 is me and honestly I just can't believe it's been 24 full days. Since I had the thought early August "I want to break up" I've had constant headaches and illness.
Fun new update, though! Her mother recently got upset at me for criticising a book she likes (I'm not even joking) and started texting in the family group chat that I'm rude, ungrateful, snarky, and "need to learn some fucking manners". My girlfriend defended me, and went minimal contact with her family for ten days. She did tell me though that she couldn't blow up at them completely because she depends on their money.
Cut to ten days later. Her mother calls HER. Apologises to HER. Says she can tell me what went on and convey her apologies if she wants. My girlfriend is VERY IMPRESSED that her mother apologised and is a little hurt by my inability to ever forgive her. They're on vacation together right now. I can't possibly be the crazy one for not forgiving a woman TWICE MY AGE who knows I've been disowned, and prior to this asked me to think of her as a surrogate mother.
This is apparently a normal family dynamic for them, but what the fuck? Can you even consider yourself in your right mind if you marry into a family where THIS happened two years in? My girlfriend herself is still a good person and great friend and whatnot but I feel like nobody on this planet could blame me for leaving the relationship because of this… right?
No. 435665
i think i’m repeating the same pattern in my relationships. i met a girl younger than me (i’m 24, she’s around 20), who is either a student or an unemployed person, in some online community. we flirt, joke around, spend some time together or go on dates, a couple of months pass by like this. eventually she confesses but i am always not sure it’s “love” enough to be in a relationship, so it just either goes nowhere and we never speak again, or we’re stuck in this weird neither friendship nor a proper relationship state… i swear i do not seek girls like this on purpose, it just happens, but i do not know what is wrong with me. it’s been a couple of times this happened and i genuinely do not want to hurt these girls, but i can’t help myself, every time i think “okay i do not need a relationship, i will not flirt” and make a decision, a new girl comes around and it goes downhill from there. also not always, but usually these girls are neets / nerds who had little to no relationship experience… it feels so weirdly set up by universe, like it’s a test and i keep failing it, it’s literally the same girl different form or whatever. i do not understand what i need to do nonnies, help?
No. 435674
>>435614I'm a bpdchan. I would never cheat in a million years, I'm painfully monogamous and autistically hyperfixated on a FP, and have never physically abused anyone (I can be a huge bitch during fights though which I guess some would say is verbal abuse) I can be perfectly functional and normal seeming, I only get
triggered when I'm in love and become highly possessive of that person.
>>435640It's easier for me to be alone. I get so stressed, depressed, anxious and preoccupied when I fall for someone. It's just not worth the effort. I pour all my insane passion into my husbando and sometimes celebrity ships now, just because irl love is too painful for me.
No. 435675
>>435672there is no objective scale of attractiveness, people think there is cause those who say that it isn't are thought to be being nice for the sake of virtuosity but it isn't really true
I don't know how commonplace your situation is but it isn't normal, just like a friend shouldn't be making you feel worthless compared to other friends and giving you an inferiority complex, your partner shouldn't be doing that either
No. 435676
>>435672Avoid anyone who rates people in terms of numbers. They're a shallow piece of garbage. Even if you are objectively a '5' or '6' (whatever that means), there would be plenty men lining up to worship you as a goddess.
Dont settle for anyone who makes you feel like shit, and remember men often try to keep your confidence down so you wont leave them. Society is full of hot girls with ugly fat bastard bfs, who keep their gf's self esteem down and makes her think he's the best she can get.
Men will do anything to keep you from feeling like the prize, because women having high self esteem doesnt benefit men at all.
(samefagging) No. 435698
>>435672> Calls me a 7/10Cuck him to remind him of his place.
>>435675People who obsess over the "scale" are always mid or ugly autists who think they've ~cracked the code~ on how to become hot (or they're allowing other men to dictate their preferences because all scrotes are sheep.)
No. 435852
>>435672would you treat somebody you loved like that? please get rid of thise loser, youll seriously be so much happier not feeling insecure about his retarded preferences
also i agree with the person who said to avoid people who rate other people as a number. big red flag
No. 435946
>>435730Kek you sound like a retard rn, I never said anything about yelling. It’s nonna who literally self admitted that she’s a shitty partner. I bet you’re a BPDchan too.
People with personality disorders do make bad partners , sorry if it
triggers you to hear that.