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Want some advice? Get some advice!
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My sister bought new clothes and is now depressed because she feels like she is "too skinny". She constantly mentions her weight and I know is a source of insecurity for her. She is 15. I already hugged her, told her she is beautiful, that her body does not define her and that she is still growing! But she doesn't believe me…
This is a little embarrassing, since I am 26 and should know better, but I always struggled with the way I perceived myself. I still struggle with my image, but I take antidepressants and now I just don't care lol
I just…. have no idea how to make my sister feel better. I want to be the person that I needed when I was young and struggling with self love…
I guess I'm asking for advice on what to tell her? Or how can I try to make it better for her?? I know there is no magic trick to love yourself…
i'm not trying to be defeatist or discouraging, but i would think back to when you yourself were 15. the alienation and shame and, often, low self esteem that comes with such an uncertain time, even for the most well adjusted teenage girl with a solid support network. most girls around this age just get embarrassed or cringe when older female family members lay on the positivity and praise in a way where you can tell they're trying to help you (not calling you old, you're definitely not. but you are in a different stage of life than she is, and it may seem like a huge divide to her from where she is at. the "you couldn't possibly understand" mindset) unfortunately, a more subtle approach works better for pretty much any teenager, let alone a teen girl when it comes to matters of body image. talk is cheap, and it can feel reminiscent of a mom or grandma telling you how beautiful and what a catch you are. i know you mean what you are telling her and it's coming from a place of kindness and love, but it can feel patronizing or insincere/pitying when you are in that stage of life. i have younger sisters, one of them is the same age as yours is right now. i can't change her mind about anything (no matter how concerning), i can only tactfully approach things and hope that she will see my perspective sooner rather than later.
this isn't to infantilize them or make them out to be petulant or stupid, i was this way too, so was everyone i know; it's a part of growing. it might help to encourage her to do activities with you that will help boost her self image and self esteem, though. gardening has been proven to improve body image, and the microbes in the soil can create a mild antidepressant effect when exposed to the bare skin. light exercise together, not at a gym but something that lifts the mood or that you can get silly with. maybe drive out to a gorgeous rural area and take a hike or walk through the woods or a meadow or something if social distancing is important to you. if not, you can find lovely neighbourhoods with enormous gardens and old trees to stroll through. this part isn't directly linked to body image, but if you have any neat skills you could teach her (even if you secretly teach them to yourself first just to pass them along and bond over engaging in them together) that does wonders for self esteem. i don't know if she works or if her school is having in person classes atm, but structure and finding a sense of purpose in the everyday things really go a long way.
maybe you could look up some high protein recipes she might enjoy and make them together before doing some casual exercise. that could help her put on muscle and "fill out", but it's the sense of belonging and purpose that would probably help a lot more.
sorry for the overly long post, i just got sentimental about my baby sisters as i was typing it out and got carried away.
Someone can definitely be too skinny, bonelords aren't cute ana chan. Not that 15 year olds should be worrying about their body too much to begin with unless they have health issues, being a twig isn't a big deal because teens burn calories like crazy while they grow.
I bet anon's sister is being overly influenced by photoshopped and plastic bodies on instagram, that shit is toxic
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I just want to thank you all for the replies, I love lolcow>>147752
Thank you! I think the perspective of how you don't expect people to be perfect all the time is a good thing to bring up next time we talk! >>147753
I appreciate a lot you taking the time to write all this, you sound really sweet and caring. She definitely feels like I'm lying to her out of love, and that is why I was so confused on how to approach her on this. I try to be as straightforward as possible, but you are completely right, it needs to come from a different place. All your ideas sound lovely. She has talked about protein so I think learning to cook high protein snacks and food is an excellent idea! We could pick up Just Dance a little more, since she likes it and its good exercise! She actually has been working out by herself and she wants me to do it with her but I'm lazy. But Just Dance is fun. Thank you for your insight!>>147754
What the other anon said. It seems the current "hot body" is being curvy. Which is interesting since I always wanted to be as skinny as possible lol different generations.
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Anons, I need your help. I really want to flee from my shitty 3rd world country. The main problem is that I don't have a degree (I'm 23 btw), but idk if a degree from this trash country would even be valid or matter in the rest of the world. Everyone tells me I should get a degree before I try to leave, but tbh I'm probably closer to getting raped/killed to be robbed/kidnapped by the police/etc than to getting a degree. Also I will be around my 30s by the time I (hopefully) finish my studies and the idea is to start a new life somewhere else while I'm at my 20s.
Does anyone know where I could move to? Any ideas? Info? Advice? I'm latina but I'm white passing. Tbh cleaning houses in a decent country sounds way, waaaaay more tempting that trying to get a degree here, only to end up being killed or trafficked or whatever on my way to my probably extremely shitty job. Please you have no idea how hopeless I am here, every bit of information you can give me is extremely appreciated!
I co-wrote this. Though I believe I may be some sort of schizoid since I just grow socially apathetic rather than insecure. Other people consistently interest me but I can't be assed to interact with them after a while. It's just tiring.
Maybe try rewarding yourself when you successfully interact, like with a favourite snack or something. I'm considering this technique in future.
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Not sure if this is quite the right thread but I can't find one relating to this, vagina thread and the stupid questions thread doesn't quite fit since I don't know if it's necessarily stupid and it's more of a girl talk thing. TMI warning.
This may seem stupid, but there are stories of women who never even realized they were pregnant until it was far too late, so I'm really worried.
Last had sex 2 months ago with my boyfriend who was confirmed sterile after sterilization in 2019- had not retested since that date. I was on birth control at the time as well. Have had my period twice now since then- I'm literally on my period right now. And they're dark red-brown, very thick consistent bleeding, clots, cramps, everything my period usually is- not really what I consider pregnancy bleeding.
Mother keeps telling me "I need to make sure you're not pregnant" so she bought me 2 ClearBlue blue dye tests.
I took one, and within the 10 min time frame, it was entirely negative. Took a picture of it too. I ended up looking at it again a few hours later since I forgot to throw it out, and it had the tiniest, faintest little positive line on it. I start freaking out.
Yes, anything out of the 10 min window is "invalid" but fuck me, every time I google about it, it's a bunch of pregnant women/middle-aged moms being all excited about "omg you're totally positive! congrats!"
I'm taking another one tomorrow morning, same brand, if it does it again should I be worried? Should I get another brand and keep trying? If I would have conceived 1 1/2 to 2 months ago, the pregnancy test would have almost no chance of showing a false negative- my HCG levels would be too high at this point in pregnancy, right? And I even had my period twice..
God, anons, help me. I can't safely have children despite being fertile and I don't know if I'm worrying over nothing when the test is showing me a faint line.. even if it's hours later.
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It might be an evaporation line? Just make sure you follow all the user directions correctly the second time to be sure.
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I thought it might be an evaporation line from sitting out for a few hours- but everywhere is like, "it should be gray/colorless" whereas mine was blue just very very light (and one side was darker than the other). Seems like ClearBlue has an issue with this. But then reading all the pregnant women being all, "I thought it was an evaporation line but I was actually pregnant!" freaked me out. But it did appear many hours later.. so it's gotta be that. Thank you anon, will double check the instructions next time too>>148162
Thank you anon, I can get really scared of getting pregnancy as it would be difficult to get an abortion- and having a child could kill me at worst, disfigure me at best, and I don't want the child to grow up without a mother or a disabled mother. Next test I take I'm just going to throw the damn thing away in time before I start freaking out again. Rationally I realize the chance of pregnancy here is so low that I'd be more likely to be mauled by my cat in my sleep. Thank you anon for reassuring me!
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Hey anons, please help, is this cellulite? Totally looks like it but I've never had any major weight loss/gain, I watch my diet, I exercise (maybe not enough?). Does anti-cellulite creams work or is it a waste of money?
Yes it is. The skin on top of the muscle is saggy and has some fat.
I run approx 30km a week(plus walking everywhere) and I also have that shit (you cant see it unless the sun is right above, Im sure in your case is the same way). I bought a "tightening" cream and it hasnt worked for me (maybe you can find one that does, if so lmk ).>>148151
Its an evaporation line. Dont worry about it. Next time after the alloted time, check the results and throw the darned thing away!
God I'm so happy to hear I'm not the only one.
I don't like self-diagnosing but damn I didn't really know what it was until now but something clicked when I read up on it
Pavlov-ing it sounds like a great idea but I'm not sure how effective it would be. As ironic as this sounds, are you willing to talk on discord or something? I'll totally understand if you ghost me forever at a random point, I just wanna hear your experiences with this bs.
Thanks but I hate my calves- they are huuuge because of running.
Btw I read before that you can also "brush" that part of the legs with a dry brush in a circular motion to try to help tighten the skin. I know theres a name to this but I cant think of it right now.
i'm the same way anons. i don't wanna get too vent-y but god it sucks and has destroyed almost all my friendships. i'm alone as shit.
its normally not a conscious effort on my part, i just forget to respond because i really don't use my phone anymore. i deleted all my social media a while back and i do all my internet browsing on my laptop. def not normal zoomer behavior, but i'm working on it.
what's helped me is just setting up specific times to check my phone and it's become a habit now. when i had more friends and more unread texts i'd write "reply to texts" on a to-do list lol. but lists in general help me so idk if that'd work for you. hope you guys figure it out
Oh my god, are you me?
What helped for me was making friends at work, so like, I HAD to reply to whatever their message was on the off chance that their message was important. Giving an external motivation really helped, even though I still fucked up from time to time.
This sense of urgency slowly spilled over to my not-work friends and while I still have really bad days, I remember how shit it is to be all alone and I try to reply as best I can.>>148205
anon give us a way to contact you and maybe we can be friends! :)
I prefer my own company to anybody else's but I also still get lonely. Tbh I play those LoFi MuSiC BeaT tO ReLaX tO in the background, play a dumb comfort show like friends on the background, or watch some silly youtube on drama (I hate everyone involved in these situations and think they're all idiots but I love a 1hr video like edwin/dasha throwing shit at eachother like monkeys) also I make my living space really cozy so the loneliness almost feels comfortable if that makes sense.
However, it sounds like you are actually a social person who needs the contact. Any reason you don't feel you have anyone to talk to? Is it an anxiety thing or your circumstances?
Lmao I also love watching those drama videos, even if I rarely know all of the parties involved. I think I'll just put some buzz in the bg while I try to study.
I feel like I crave contact with other people but whenever I get the opportunity to talk I don't take it. Which is why I don't have any friends, because I never tried making any. I feel like no one would be interested in what I have to say or what I think so I prefer not to talk at all and waste people's time who are just listening to me to be polite and it just makes me feel embarassed to even think about talking and saying stuff… does that make sense? So I am usually alone, which I mostly don't mind. I actually prefer it. Apart from times like these. >>148217
Maybe I should make a discord acc and add anons from here? I've been thinking about it but I've never had online friends so I have no idea how it would go…
You should definitely do that anon!
Anons I've made a small discord server for us to talk to each other and make friends (besides the friend finder discord)
All are welcome! https://discord.gg/rzavEyh
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A black friend of mine added me to a server recently that has a lot of his own friends on it. It hasn't even been two days and they're already sperging about the wypipo in general, mayo and eggshell shittalking, and talking about how they'd bodyslam "whiteys making ethnic food". It really annoys me, and makes me uncomfortable as a white eurofag that just has to sit there and read this bullshit.
I don't wanna be there anymore, but I don't know how to leave without it being suspicious. I've known this dude for a year and it's mostly him messaging me first, so I really don't know how to approach this, since in a way I don't wanna be his friend anymore either after seeing how he thinks of a group I belong to. Should I just abandon the discord account and slowly disappear?
youtube and google have tons of dumbed down content about this.
look up "beginner abs workout" (spoiler: it's probably gonna be too hard at first, just do half or a quarter or take longer breaks). there are also sheets on google but those are a bit harder to commit to than trying to match someone in a video, imo.
but look up how to do proper crunches etc. you could cause back pain if you do it badly.
What are ab exercises gonna do when there's a layer of fat covering them? Can't spot reduce.
It sounds like anon just has an apple shaped body and will lose weight from her stomach last. Sucks to be so close to underweight but normal diet advice (caloric deficit + lifting) applies here.
I’m sure that, being 5 pounds away from underweight, anon’s stomach isn’t actually so fucking fat that she wouldn’t be able to see even slight muscle definition
But yeah, building muscle & losing fat would help
Need some non-romantic relationship advice. About 4 months ago I did something really shit and hurt a friend, who no longer wants to interact with me, and fair enough. A mutual friend of ours had a real go at me and I apologised, but said it would be better to speak about this in person. She didn’t respond to me, but I wasn’t expecting an immediate answer. I asked if she would meet up with me a week or so later, and nothing. Some personal events she knew about happened during that time and now, like my birthday and starting a new job, and I heard nothing from her. I assumed our friendship was over too and just left it. Now suddenly I’ve just got a message asking when I can meet her to talk. Thing is, I’ve now moved on and…I don’t want to talk to her? Would I be a raging cunt to say that? Am I obligated now to meet her? Our friendship will definitely be less moving forward because she’s mutual with the girl I hurt, so should I just let it go, or is that the irresponsible thing to do? I’m genuinely not sure, I just want to be done with this horrible saga and work on myself and my life.
It’s fine anon, we live in a very different time compared to our parents. They want to help you, and arguably should help you considering you are their child and that’s what good parents do. Let them. It would be one thing if you were choosing to take their cash when you could already easily provide for yourself, but that’s not the case here.
I asked my mother if I could move back in with her in my late 20s after a divorce and I didn’t want to spent like 80% of my income on a shitty apartment close to my job. When I had more of a financial float and was stable, I moved back out. I felt guilty initially but she was honestly happy to have me around again and it prevented me from struggling 100x more at the time.
That being said, I’m not sure why you need to go through all the trouble of relocating. Are there no jobs that at least pay minimum wage in your area?
Sure, there's plenty of jobs. But my goal is to move out, be back in normal society again, and do something that looks good on my resume. Working a minimum wage at the grocery store while risking catching coronavirus doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
I like the idea of going somewhere exotic like Alaska, and apparently covid levels are really low in the community I'm in so I'll have a better chance of connecting with people without worrying about getting sick. I think my job would seem kind of meh for my resume, but anything with Americorps looks better than a minimum wage job, and I think it would look good with grad school.
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So, I bought a brand new pair of Doc Martens last month, in the Jadon style, a size up from my regular size. I've worn them on a date walking around a park for 3 hours, I've worn them inside all day, to the store, and just lounging around, but I just can't seem to break them in and make them stop hurting. Every time I wear them, I wear a thick pair of men's socks folded over my heels, but it doesn't seem to work, and my ankles are fucked because of it. I've even worn band aids because of it, but it doesn't seem to help. Do any doc-owning anons have any advice for how to break them in so they stop fucking my ankles? I'll do anything at this point, they're too cute and expensive to not wear them.
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Here's a crown for being such a queen anon, I didn't expect such a detailed how-to! I'm going to try everything you said, I can't stand the idea of putting these in the back of my closet just because they hurt.
It's really unlikely someone will just stumble into cp and recognize you anon. If you have some enemy or something i would be more worried, but something that could help is to think about the worst case scenario and see there is not much you can do. Wheter you live in fear and avoid talking to people or going to uni or you enjoy your experience up to that point, it might happen anyway. But by worrying yourself to the point of not being able to breathe you end up suffering in advance and probably needlessly. Does that make sense?
Also you can build strong friendships with good people who will stay by your side even if the worst happens, i assume you live somewhere more conservative too but young people are much more understanding and chances are you will meet someone who was abused/groomed in some way as well.
You won't have to kill yourself anon, if worst comes to worst and literally everyone in town hates your guts for something you did as a groomed teen, you can aways move somewhere it won't be a problem. You can aways start over somewhere else, so please hang on.
This will come across as stupid but I never thought about how much I'm needlessly worrying right now for something that might not even happen. Like me thinking about all the 'what if's every day isn't gonna do anything about what happens in the future. I should focus more on things that make me happy and things I can do to help my future self rather than wallow in the past. Thank you anon, I know at least one person that will be by ny side if anything happens, a cousin, and really that's good enough for now. I will do my best for my uni and I will try not to say no to new experiences out of fear and paranoia. I appreciate you anon.>>150769
You're right that the chances are really, really low. I wouldn't say my name was attached for the most part, only about 2 men knew my actual name but they are so far away that I don't think they can do anything. It sucks to never know if someone has those files in their harddrive or something but it is not in my control and so, worrying about it is useless. I hope anything I shared and anything that was shared without my knowledge will become long forgotten in the sea of the internet. I will remember your reply whenever I get extremely paranoid. Thank you, you're very kind.
I'm still pissed 15 years layer, despite one of them being dead for a while now.
It took 5 years for me to find out the reason why this couple I was tight with ghosted me, and it had absolutely nothing to do with me, while I spent years wondering what did I do wrong. I'm pissed they could just drop me one day like that, I'm pissed I was given no explanation, I'm pissed it was for no good reason, I'm ashamed I was tricked into thinking they are my friends.
I have no problem feeling this way, those feelings are adequate, and it's not like I think about it often.
Is there any way I can help my mother? My mom is a really depressed, suicidal person with extreme anger issues. I don't blame her because her life has been awful to her. My dad left her a month before I was born so she has been taking care of me and my sister alone in an extremely sexist, dangerous country. Back when she was with her husband her life was awful due to her MIL. Now, she's barely living, just an empty person, she doesn't have friends, she stays home all day and does nothing, cries a lot, lashes out a lot. Throws things, breaks things. I've asked her to maybe join some gym or some cookung group and make friends, maybe grt therapy, but she refuses. She's getting fatter and sadder. I love her so much and I just want her to be happy.
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Should I keep being friends with green? Conversations go like this all the fucking time and I'm honestly tired of it.
Green can't take one single fucking comment of mine without just ruining the moment or responding in a very literal way.
If someone said "I feel useless" the appropriate response is "You're not" right? Am I fucking retarded?
Looks like a drained person who would rather waste hours of whining because it brings them attention rather than actually becoming a better version of yourself.
Honestly, I would drop it. I've been used by these kinds of people a lot and they are just ungrateful shits who think that the only way to get attention is to always whine, whine and whine.
she certainly seems
>>151460>they are just ungrateful shits who think that the only way to get attention is to always whine, whine and whine.
holy shit anon you've just articulated why I can't with this kind of person. A friend from my old friend group was like this, but only to me, always bitching and complaining about her life and it killed my mood constantly, made me feel like I couldn't share or enjoy anything good in her company. I finally snapped and dumped her, and holy shit I got so much backlash from it from the group because they all only got her soft uwu persona who was sad enough to keep them pitying her but not draining enough for them to actually resent her.
God sorry for the rant but becoming someones emotional shitting ground is an awful position to be in.
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Glad to hear I'm not alone. I wish there was some sort of easy fix. I keep trying to leave my fingers alone so I can finally go to the nail salon now that some are open again, but I don't even realize when I'm picking again. And those techs are never shy about pointing out issues you have.
I'm not trying to play devil's advocate for an asshole, obviously I know nothing about this guy, but I just want to say that I've met some good men (and women, for that matter) who aren't really on board with "feminism" for legit reasons. I think for a lot of people it depends on how it's defined. Feminism used to be about important shit, like suffrage and the ability to have a job outside the home and not allowing marital rape. Now there's been a lot of pushing for completely banal agendas like free the titty, use whatever pronouns you like, the #MeToo leader is a rapist herself, etc. Johnny Depp was accused of being abusive
and nearly gets "cancelled" then it turns out Amber Heard is the psycho.
I'm not saying when it comes to "real" feminism that any of the original issues stopped being important, just that recent topics like this have watered down that original purpose for a lot of people. Sometimes to the point where it seems many self-purported feminists believe women are always right even when the woman in question is objectively a piece of shit or hurting other women. So someone may believe "men and women deserve equal treatment and opportunities" but still not identify as a feminist due to all this.
There's so much black and white thinking in the world right now, I believe it's beneficial to actually stop and listen to someone when they communicate an opinion that might seem negative at first. Most people's views are more measured and moderate than they express, but because people have this tendency to immediately lash out and shut down whenever it seems their own views are in question, decent discussions are hard to come by. Maybe/hopefully the guy you've been talking to is a decent person if you probe a bit deeper, and you could help expand his perspective while also learning where he's coming from?
And honestly, especially around here on lolcow, I see a lot of radfem "down with men, all scrotes are evil" talk. It can make this place feel like a little sanctuary when you've dealt with a lot of misogyny, but in the long-term it's really disheartening and pushes the idea that all men are terrible monsters when they really aren't. Please don't get trapped in a bubble of bad news and let it bring you down to such a desperate point, anon. It's true there are a lot of bad people out there, but there's also a lot of good. Try to focus on pulling some of that into your life as well.
Thank you for your suggestion about the therapy anon, I think maybe normalizing therapy and seeking help might make her less reluctant to try it herself. Like, for now she only sees therapy as something that crazy people require and while I try to make her understand that's not the case, but firmly held beliefs are hard to dissuade. I still think she might budge on it someday. It's hard seeing her so stagnant and lifeless sometimes. Thank you for the sympathies anon, I really just want her happy.>>151383>>151384
I have tried to get her become more physically active, like going on walks together everyday and exercising with her etc, and that does make her happy. But her motivation is so fickle, she has been trying to lose weight for years but gives up in a week every time. I suppose food makes her happy. I will try to help her out as much as I can even though it gets really hard sometimes because talking to her is such a test, anything can set her off. Thank you anons for lending me an ear.
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Left a friend group a year ago. I still think about them and cry a lot to this day. I'm undergoing therapy and meds. I don't know if I'm improving. I don't know if I should go back since I was the major problem in the group. Any advice?
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Thanks for listening. I hope the guy you’re talking to just has a more nuanced perspective and isn’t a jerk. But it makes me think of this director… if you don’t know the story, she made the recent Netflix movie “Cuties” about the sexualization of girls. Sadly, the way it was shot was very exploitive and essentially an exact copy of the media she was supposedly against. Then she goes and calls the movie feminist lol. It feels like the title has lost so much meaning and been very diminished over time. I do still personally call myself a feminist despite people like this claiming the same, but I understand why others have distanced themselves from the word and feel it’s no longer an adequate term. Take care of yourself anon!
Anons, I need advice. This girl in my friend group, have known her for 6 years.
> Used to be super close, especially when I was depressed and suicidal. I was addicted to an MMO and she enabled that, sometimes hanging out with her to play with another person in the room was the only irl social interaction I got all week. She would reach out sometimes when I went AWOL.
> I get intensive therapy and oops, only now I notice she's also been depressed and suicidal all along??? I try to be a better friend.
> She has a fall out with my roommate, I intend to remain friends with both but she pulls back from our friendship. She talks a lot of shit about my roommate, 90% of the time. I don't tell her off but don't go along with it either, just change the subject. (I'm no longer friends with the ex-roommate)
> Friend starts getting medication for her chronic illness, starts getting therapy for her traumatic upbringing. She shares absolutely zero about this with me. All the other girls in the friend group know, though.
> Every few weeks/months I try to make an effort and check in and hang out one on one, especially if she's cancelling on all the group's plans. She sees the other girls in our group weekly. She never reaches out to me first.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago. She REALLY pissed me off in a specific discussion while we were on a trip. I'm very uwu sensitive but also more confident because of therapy so instead of placating her I tell her she's being mean and run away crying like the confident kween I am. She doesn't apologize but is extra-friendly rest of the trip, even makes me play that MMO on her phone for a bit when the others leave us alone 'to talk things out' (we didn't talk anything out).
I haven't heard from her directly since the group trip. She's been to a few group hangouts but she cancels often because she's ill. She cancelled today and I'm wondering if I should reach out again and see if she wants a cup of tea just one on one next week.
Being her friend is honestly exhausting because our personalities are SO different now. I'm sure she thinks the same of me.
>>151662 >I was depressed and suicidal >I didn't even notice friend also been depressed and suicidal all along >I'm no longer friends with my ex-roommate >I'm very uwu sensitive but also more confident because of therapy >I tell her she's being mean and run away crying > I still don’t know how I could’ve handled that better
I honestly can't tell if this post is real or if it's someone larping as a BPDer
If it is real I don't even know what advice could be given, stay in therapy?
How old are you, anon-chan… You really need to get some work done with your therapist and give yourself some space from such… Well, triggering
people if they do trigger
you that much.
Regardless of the reasons, don't have sex so early on. A lot of people are looking to hook up and that's it. If you want to find someone you actually like as a person and have chemistry with, give you (and them) time to open up naturally. Don't feel like you have to rush things. If you find a good guy then he'll be willing to wait.
And why should it all be on you to be the charming, flirty one? Maybe it's not you but them. If these hot guys had an ounce of social prowess then perhaps they could contribute more and make the conversations fun themselves.
That sounds pretty batshit but the fact that she did go ahead and block you at the time.. she maybe does believe you said something dodgy? Sounds like some bpd level coping mechanism. Shitting on you before you get the chance to reject her or screw her over? Maybe she just loves drama and sympathy
> i also know for a fact bf isn’t into women as large as her
I dated a guy who never stopped being mean about fat women. I'm slim but I still found it a turn off to listen to how vocal he was about his fucking preference all the time.. he cheated on me with one large woman and he's still with her to this day
Hot to deal with overthinking/catastrophizing?
My mind aways goes to the worst case scenario and makes plans for it but it's usually not enough and i keep worrying about what i will do once it arrives.
Like: >my friend wants to go hiking > oh fuck there way less people there due to corona > we will get robbed and raped > i will need meds and they might not work i might get pregnant > i won't be able to get an abortion because it's illegal > so i will kill myself > what would be the best methods > i might fail and be paralyzed
And it keeps going on and on like this, aways ending in death or some situation where i will suffer the rest of my life. It makes me want to never leave the house again and makes me do some stupid shit to protect myself.
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How do I brainwash myself into thinking positively and how do I learn to stand up for myself? I have extremely bad self-esteem, I am always picturing the worst possible scenarios and my options in life have always been limited because of this. I have extreme social anxiety. I let people push me around and other than that, I seldomly try something new because my sense of self-worth is so fucked that I start crying at the slightest criticism. I know that a lot of you will probably tell me to just grow up and both my parents and I myself tried to think that way but it doesn't help.
It's not like I haven't been trying at all btw, I actually did a lot of progress but I still feel like I'm wasting my life and if the progress keeps coming at this slow rate, I'll be 80 before I feel like it's okay for me to exist in this world.
In terms of standing up for yourself, have you tried pretending to be the alter ego you want to be? I used to let everyone walk all over me and it took literally years for me to stand up for myself, but this helped. Even if you’re a NEET, start acting like you’re Beyoncé or some shit. You do not have the fucking time or energy to waste on shitty people and their shitty opinions. You’re too busy doing important stuff (even if that is browsing lolcow, just use your imagination here). If people are being crap to you then it’s usually a reflection of their own misery. Don’t let them infect you with it
It will take a while for you to change your mindset, idk go follow a load of those girlboss Instagram accounts or something. You need to reinforce it every day and eventually you’ll begin to believe it
Also allow yourself to be angry at others. I felt shitty about myself because I thought I was always in the wrong when people disrespected me. Realise you’re not always the problem and you’re certainly not on earth to be someone else’s punchbag
I see you have two main problems: 1. extremele bad self-easteem and 2. extreme social anxiety.
You should probably focus on remedying those. If you do that, the other problems (negativity and not standing up for yourself) will probably be solved as a result as well. Both problems are worth getting theraphy for. If you're in the position to get theraphy, I'd seriously encourage you to do so. If not, consider picking up the book Self-esteem: A proven program (blablabla long title) by McKay. I've seen it recommended around here before and have read it myself too. As for social anxiety… I used to suffer from social anxiety as well and found that ultimately, exposure is the best way to get over it but that means putting yourself in situations that make you anxious.
Good luck anon!!
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Omg I don't mean to butt in or take credit, but I recommended this book and it makes me so happy to see other anons reading it and feeling better about themselves and passing it on to others who need help. I may not know you personally but I'm proud of all you've achieved. We all deserve to feel self love!
I've furthered my education, which means that I had something to work for and I had to put up with other people regularly. It also helped to go out to bars and socialise, I even made some real friends. I think the next step for me would be to join a class, like drawing or even dancing. I've always wanted to do that but I never had the courage (especially for a dance class, if I ever work up the courage to do that I will throw a fucking party after!)>>152500
Anon, that's the kind of brainwashing I need, thank you! I'm not really a NEET, but I used to be. I got myself out of that situation but now I feel a bit stuck again. I already try to think things like "nothing matters anyway", "they won't remember you", "you have a right to be here", "just go out there and take for yourself what you want, everyone else does it so why wouldn't you" (like in scenarios where I even feel bad about myself for taking up a service I paid for, like getting food delivered or my nails painted) but maybe not actively enough. I'm gonna find some girlboss IG accounts and inspiration, find some mantras and listen to some bad bitch music right away! >Also allow yourself to be angry at others. I felt shitty about myself because I thought I was always in the wrong when people disrespected me. Realise you’re not always the problem and you’re certainly not on earth to be someone else’s punchbag
Nice, anon, I hope that's working out well for you! I'm gonna try my best, maybe I'll report back in a few months if I remember posting here.>>152501
I can't currently get therapy, because I just broke up with my old therapist and will move away soon enough and it's not really worth it at this time. I'm gonna look into getting that book, anon, thank you!
It's not really a healthy solution, but I switch to alcohol every other night instead of weed. Kinda feels better than going all in on either.
Alternatively, make plans for things in the evening that you can't do while stoned. Even if it's just planning to work on an essay or play a game of chess at 22:00. Any hobby or activity that you know you're worse at while high works. Social activities that you'd rather be sober for are the best, especially stuff with family. Obviously you can't do that every night, let alone during a pandemic, so it's more to make sure there's at least a couple days a week where you won't have the opportunity to smoke.
If you plan on quitting altogether, make sure you won't have too much free time the next couple weeks, but also not too many important responsibilities. Being distracted helps but you're probably going to sleep poorly and be moody.
I was living abroad with bf for a year. Last month we had to return to our home country because of rona. This kind of fucked up our plans but we are doing the paperwork to leave this place as soon as possible. This could take months because of the current situation.
I was studying and was only allowed to work part time so I didn’t save a lot of money and he didn’t either, most of the money was used to pay rent. So now we’re back here, our country is in a really shitty situation and the pandemic made it worse. I came back to my parents house because I have no rent money nor a job right now and they’re conservative and overprotective so they prefer me to stay with them. My bf is living in a small room in his dad’s shitty hostel. He’s also not paying rent. He want me to live with him but I think that would make me crazy, well, both of us, really. I need my space and I wouldn’t have if I lived at the hostel with him.
I haven’t found a job and that’s stressing me out because I’m also saving for when I leave.
He thinks is weird that we used to live together and now are living separated and he’s mad at me, I can tell. We figured out that I stayed there on weekends every two weeks but that just created a huge problem with my father who doesn’t agree that I sleep there when I have a bed in his home. Now my bf doesn’t even want to visit me.
I don’t know what to do, I was thinking of renting a place but I don’t have the money for that right now and, as I said I want to save money, because rent is much higher in the country I was in but also finding a job is way easier. I studied something art related so, yeah, there’s not a lot of opportunity in my home country for that. My bf is pressuring me to talk to my parents to move together ASAP but I don’t get it, he doesn’t have any money either and now he thinks I don’t want to live with him anymore when that’s not the case. I’m doing what I think is the most convenient thing for me right now. If we can’t move abroad in less than a year, I’ve told him that then, of course, we will move together, when we have more financial stability. But he wants everything now and yes, I miss him and I can tell that he misses me but we need to be able to pay rent. Also, I don’t want to move to the hostel, it has a curfew, the kitchen is dirty and used by multiple people and I wouldn’t have space to work on my art.
When we move back together, we will both need space. We used to rent a small 2 bedroom apartment when we were away and it was perfect, we were so so happy. I don’t think we’d be as happy crammed in a small room all day, everyday. Sleepovers at his place are always a big pain in the ass because it causes conflict with my father and I want to avoid conflict during the pandemic idk. I’m very grateful to my parents to let me stay here but my mental health is also deteriorating and I’m feeling depressed again, just as I was before leaving. I feel trapped honestly and I don’t know what to do to make things better. Should we rent a place with money we could use to move to another country? Should I talk to my father even though he doesn’t listen at all? I just want to be happy and I want my bf to be happy.
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I hate the romanticised "Yandere" stereotype because that's exactly what I am. I'm so jealous and paranoid in relationships, it clouds my entire judgement and sense of self. When I'm not in a relationship I feel like I'm one of the most chill and level headed person you could meet, but relationships change me for the worst. Everything is a competition. After my last relationship I realised how bad it was getting and got therapy, started to actively change my way of thinking to be more open and accepting. Spent a year single trying to heal, hanging out with my friends. Felt so genuinely happy and got into another relationship. At first I was being sensible and self aware, making sure I wasn't gonna be toxic or hurtful. But he's such an idiot. 1 month into the relationship a girl from his school messaged me that he and his friends had been doing a "business" with her where (because her English was bad) they were selling her nudes for her and sharing the money (she didn't know this but they actually were scamming her and giving her less % of the money sadly). I confronted him about it and he showed me all the discord convo, and even though there was nothing like "cheating" and strictly business, it still made me so angry why would you hide that? Why not tell me you and your friends do that? Afterwards he broke down and said blah blah I wanna be a better person for you so I'm gonna stop this scamming stuff (he was scamming in other online businesses too). Idk it completely broke my trust from then on even though he did nothing wrong until 1 year later he kept telling me I'm too possessive and jealous and keeping him like a caged dog. I kept saying it's because my trust is completely broken I can never know if a guy will cheat on me again. I'm so scared for it to happen that I forbid female friends. He added 2 old female friends from years ago without me knowing and I guilt tripped him into deleting them again and got so angry, accusing him of stuff and asking why you would add girls, do you wanna date them instead of me or something? He used to be chill about it and accept me but recently I can see we are grating each other because of my lack of trust ruining a lot.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to be this way. I wish I could have a normal view of relationships but why does he have to have female friends when he doesn't talk to them anyway. What's the point of them being there. He only talks to his customers or his circle of friends but he doesn't confide in me anymore about anything. I know I'm the problem but I only want full trust.
Eeh… you may not be acting like an angel anon but I don’t see you as the worse person here at all. Your boyfriend was objectively a shit bag and may still be. He not only scammed people but he scammed a girl that’s (in my opinion) already in a vulnerable and kinda gross business to start. Anyone would feel distrustful and hurt after that. In fact most healthy people would’ve left the relationship right then because his behavior showed a lack of respect, honesty and reliability. I think your biggest mistake was staying in the relationship at all. Now your options are either to stop trying to control his friend group, because yes, that is overkill and emotionally abusive
behavior. Or you realize this dipshit isn’t worth your time and you don’t want to constantly be looking over your shoulder for the next girl he’s either literally or figuratively going to screw and leave. I vote on the latter. If you’re really committed to him for whatever reason I recommend relationship counseling, but you should recognize that this problem started with HIM and he needs to take ownership of his faults. If you request joint therapy and he says no/feels it isn’t worth it, that will tell you how committed he is to you and the relationship right there.
I agree with the other anon, that all sounds very difficult but if your boyfriend can't be understanding during a global pandemic appreciate that you aren't in the best financial position to start renting together, he doesn't look like a responsible or respectful life partner. Isn't he damaging the relationship that he wants with you? Does he have some kind of expiry date for when he wants to live with you before?
However the thing about your Dad treating you like a kid by saying you have no reason to stay with is very overbearing. This is a serious relationship with someone you used to share a home with, he has no right to stop you from staying over with him. Maybe it's easier to only see him once a month, but you're a grown woman you should stand up to your father
in your response, it's pretty common. When people stay in relationships after someone cheats they become terribly toxic
. The person whos been cheated on will often act out and become jealous and cling hard. Although yours may not have been "full on cheating" it definitely provoked a similar reaction. He sounds like a dick anon.
But if you're concerned of previous possessive/jealous tendencies please make sure you speak to a doctor about it. You have to catch behaviors like that early in life.
You are not "yandere" or extremely possessive/jealous. Your boyfriend gaslighted the shit out of you. He did cheat on you. He just pressured you into thinking he didnt.
Grow a pair and leave him. Don't settle for a shitty man because you think you're an obsessive bitch and it's the best you can ever find.
I think I am about to get bulimia, my body isn't that heavy and can sort of feel my ribcage, but when I sit down I feel like if my stomach is poking out and makes me feel gross.
My idea was to begin to work out more, but I keep getting more computer work and I have to be in front of the computer all day, which adds to the "I feel disgusting" feeling.
So I tried to eat less, but my mom gets angry at me for not eating that much, she likes to cook, but she always makes rice or greasy eggs that are almost shining, and I have to eat that or she will get mad at me, I even tried explaining to her that I don't want to eat that much grease anymore but she only made fun of me.
She even points out that I am not as skinny as I look like, in front of both family and strangers, she keeps pointing out something, anything, about my body, and makes me feel sick.
I began to think that puking up my meals would be enough, but got scared that maybe I am about to get an eating disorder.
What should I do anons? I am scared.
If you're able to do consulting, there's probably not fuckall wrong with your socializing abilities.
Maybe it's the type of people that you try to hang out with? Are they people you genuinely want to be friends with and share a lot in common with?
I guess I just have a better professional face. I'm able to conduct myself really well in interviews and come off as very personable but 1 on 1 or in group settings, I'm not sure I can do that well.
These people… it depends. My family? Yes, but I don't have really much in common with them. Coworkers are all stuck up assholes that talk shit about each other so not really but I have to in order to get ahead, I feel.
It just sucks to feel like I'm actively acted against, for example being ignored in group chat and having whatever I say skipped over. Or in the case of my family, them not wanting me to know any of their business
For example, I've given congratulations to several family members who did good things and their immediate response was not a "thanks" but a disappointed or annoyed "how the fuck did she
found out?" reaction which hurts.
I understand that in all other situations I don't really make an effort, but at work and with family, I try my best and get knocked down every time.
Of course it varies for everyone, but at least in my case, I needed to fix my self beliefs first and then the behavioral changes followed. The issue was that when I believed I didn't deserve anything good, I couldn't force myself to do much beyond surviving because I just didn't see the point (at least subconsciously).
It's been mentioned upthread but please give the book Self-Esteem: A Proven Program… by Matthew McKay a look. It focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) using the same techniques a counselor would help you with in therapy. It basically serves to reprogram your thoughts and dismantle false and damaging beliefs - which would be very useful to you as someone who had those forced on you by a narc mom. It is a process which requires continual effort, but you can change how you see yourself which will lead to better choices as well.
Incredibly disrespectful of him anon. If he was a good and responsible man he would never have put you in this situation. Repeat to him in no uncertain terms that you are already in a relationship and that pursuing anything between you would be wholly inappropriate. Do not discuss anything beyond work with him. (This isn't even touching on the power imbalance of him being your boss… ugh.) You should not have to leave your job over this. Write down everything he told you (or save texts if you have them). Note down dates and times. If he continues speaking with you inappropriately then mark those down as well. You want facts and a paper trail if you end up needing to take this to HR or a law firm.
Remember this: He decided his feefees were more important than your emotional stability, your current relationship status and your job security. He is NOT a good person.
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my boyfriend finally had enough about my sperging out about how men (in general, IMO/IME) suck, said I'm in a relationship with HIM not other men, and asked why I care so much if other men are trash if he doesn't treat me badly.
I have no idea why I do, anons. if I finally found myself a good man, why do I care about the pieces of shits being pieces of shits? like I think he's right, I should only complain about men if I'm single and having to interact with them, but I'm not and hopefully never having to again. does this mean I'm poly?
ok phew, i really was starting to think maybe I was a degen poly person and somehow didn't know lol but that's probably all it is, just care about humans being shitty to other humans.>>154375>>154376
he always agrees when I talk abt how shitty a lot of men are, ig maybe he got insecure and thought maybe I felt unsatisfied with my prospective dating pool?
and obvi not, but I try to not interact with them whenever possible
I apologize ahead of time for the massive blogpost. My problem is, I'm basically predator bait and don't know what to do about it. I'm early 20s but look 15 and guys have called me "legal jailbait", physically disabled (severe joint pain/common dislocations, bone problems, million other things, I have to wear braces on a lot of joints but creeps just obsess about wanting to carry me when I can't walk) partially from birth and partially from being a teenage anachan, stuck being skinny cause my stomach/digestive system rejects most foods now, autistic but able to mask well enough to seem just kinda odd (or "quirky" to guys that think I'm hot), the most I've consensually done with a guy is kiss my boyfriend once at 15, I apparently vibe like a frightened prey animal. I never realize a guy is into me until it's too late, and the only guys who are into me like me for all the wrong reasons. Got assaulted last year by one I thought was my friend, after he'd spent months calling me his "dream goth gamer gf" and I was too much of an autist to realize he wasn't just messing around the same way he did with his other female friends. I'm not trying to encourage this shit, I wear a lot of mens t shirts/baggy clothes, I generally act pretty abrasive/indifferent towards men, I've got a reputation that I don't date or hook up or anything. I guess I could make a killing going full egirl and pedobaiting for incels online, but non-predatory men just aren't into the whole awkward babyface autist thing and I can't blame them. I've accepted that I'll never have a romantic relationship, it's fine, I have friends, but how do I make myself less attractive to predators? Am I just missing something?
I'd say in addition to being thought of as frail, this anon >>154388
has the right idea.
You need to build a reputation that you have a support system of people who care, being standoffish could be interpreted by a man as hard to get. Men go after women who they think they can easily isolate. I know you said you dress baggy, but that could give them the impression that you're insecure. Predators love insecure women cause they're easier to manipulate. Minimizing yourself will only draw the attention of men who want you that way.
I knew because of cysts that showed up in a ultrasound, periods were (are) irregular and heavy, male pattern body hair, hair falling off too, acne and stubborn male fat distribution.
You don't need to have all symptoms or visible cysts tho, it sounds like you might have it and it might be causing a spike in testosterone. If you have a trusted doc ask them for hormones and insulin tests as a first step.
I know it's scary to see yourself changing like this in the mirror but there are ways to treat it with meds or diet + exercise if you prefer, it does not mean you will be like this forever.
I don't know if I have it for sure but it's being looked at. I noticed my hair thinning like crazy before I was even 20. I was so concerned I went to a dermatologist who ordered a number of tests on me, including blood tests that picked up elevated testosterone levels and from there I'm now waiting on ultrasound results. I'm lean (UK size 10) but with stupid amounts of fat on my abdomen, I noticed my arm and stomach hair turning dark, I have dark skin folds even though I didn't think I was pre-diabetic. But when they told me they wanted to test for PCOS it neatly explains these random things about my biology that seemed unconnected.
You should ask about it, PCOS affects things like insulin resistance where diet can improve your health more than you realise.
Oh this sucks lmao
Kind of unethical but maybe tell them you were already diagnosed by a different doctor but never followed up and want to start treatment now? they should run some tests and then you see if there really is something out of place like hormones or cysts.
Also if you say you're worried about infertility they will take this seriously too.
So if you don't want to pick a different name for yourself and you don't want to pick a different name for your character, just don't post that character in places where you use your real name? And even if people think you're on of 'those' types, does it really matter? You know better, that's all that matters.
Anyway, I think your own first name is most important so change it to something you genuinely want to be called. You're more important than your fictional character so don't compromise on your own name because of your fictional character and/or what others might think.
I used to be anachan when I was younger, the weight loss and gain when i recovered destroyed my underarms. the stretch marks are deep, the skin is destroyed. but heres what: idgaf. like, thats my true advice. loving yourself is so rare nowadays that all i can think of is why fucking bother about this anymore. ive spent so much of my life changing myself for other people, and i have learned to make it so small to me. it still bothers the fuck out of me, but i let it happen. i dont suppress it. its a part of me, being a woman, being more likely to get stretch marks. just like cellulite. no one is ever alone in the "embarrassment" all of us are in the same struggle. im shit at giving advice tho lol. but like, seriously, we are all in the same boat. we are experiencing a natural phenomenon, if other people shame it theyve probably lathered themselves in coconut oil to get rid of their cellulite before. this shits all a game. eventually, your stretch marks will become less noticeable. and even before that time, you may eventually just come to terms with it. as women we've learned to destroy ourselves with "flaws" that are really just… our bodies and how they work.
Find the coolest fucking pair of shorts you have. Wear them in front of a mirror until eventually you have the strength. Fuck what anyone thinks, they're just as insecure and scared as you. We all think everyone is looking, but it's because we've become so used to staring at it, obsessing over it for weeks, peeling our skin off with weird chemicals, etc. You aren't a freak of nature anon. No one looks at it as much as you do. Most people? Won't look at it at all. You're a woman. And a woman who can wear shorts, skirts, or dresses if she wants to. I feel retarded for saying this, but I truly felt this way and still do sometimes. I just have to remind myself I don't have the time for it anymore.
that was long but i hope you find confidence one day in your body anon
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Stretch marks are ok! I still struggle sometimes myself when I see some particuarly unflattering photo or something but ultimately you need to know most of women have stretch marks, it's very often just genetic and doesn't make you any less attractive.
I really recommend Danae Mercer account on instagram, her content and confidence is very inspiring. Wish more women were this comfortable with their bodies so we wouldn't have to think all these heavily posed and smoothed out looks are the only standard to aspire to.https://www.instagram.com/danaemercer/
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For the past year my friend has been going through this cycle and maybe it's actually normal and I just don't know or something, but how would I go about confronting this?
>talk daily for a month
>get into a dumb argument
>cuts me off for about a week
>starts talking to me again, does not bring up argument
I'm more than willing to talk about what we argue over and to stop doing whatever made her upset, but I'm scared if I bring up the argument she'll run off for another week or cut me off for good.
I know she doesn't have to talk to me daily, I'm more than okay with that. But she suddenly cuts me off and doesn't talk about it afterwards. It just leaves me wondering about the argument and what I did wrong.
I was surprised as well, but this anon is correct. >>154617
Remember that you will and it's good to embarrass yourself a little as you learn. Every time you feel a little uncomfortable, you're getting better. Try to strike up very casual conversation with the next person who checks you out, or takes your food order. Make a joke. Good Socializing is about finding your personality, and being a little more confident in they way you interact with the world around you. Don't assume you have nothing in common with people you meet. Don't assume they think you're weird. Shyness is really from being in your own head too much. Trying to just talk to people out of the blue is not going to progress your confidence. What normal human just walks up to a group of strangers, introduces themself, and becomes integrated into that group? Unless you're at a festival on mdma, that's not how you make connections in real life.
The most social people I know come from huge families, where they have so many aunts, uncles, cousins, that they got used to dealing with very different personalities as they grew up. More isolated families tend to breed shyness. Just don't keep yourself isolated and you'll do great.
I live near where most of the stupid ass wildfires were burning, and our city had the highest air toxicity in the world for about a week. It was like constantly being in the smoke of a campfire.
Anyone’s, one month later and I have sudden acne and my hair is falling out in mass w/ dry spots and acne on my scalp. Could this be from the wildfires and air pollution?
Please help I don’t want it to be pcos, and everything was fine in the hair/skin realm before the fires >>154415
I hope it’s not pcos and I don’t see how it could be, as I have regular periods, no real body hair problems, no trouble losing weight etc. I’m so afraid lol
In terms of unwanted body hair I get a little peach fuzz on my upper lip (always have) and I have just one pesky darker hair that pops up near my nipple sometimes
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Anons, how do I improve myself while at the same time learning to love myself?
I have always hated myself. Ever since I was young. I was basically trained by my family members to consider myself the worst of the worst as far as personality and looks go. I need to lose 150+ lbs. At the same time, with the whole "love your body, love yourself" shit going on, I'm also trying to think "Okay, even if I never lost a single pound… can I learn to love myself?" I know this isn't right but somehow losing weight and forcing myself to get dolled up feels like the opposite of self love… it feels like I can't do those two things at the same time… what gives? Any advice??
You can love yourself by wanting to weigh less too. Long-term, being heavy is going to lead to heavy duty health problems. It's easier to have blood pressure and cholesterol problems, and once you're on the medication for that it's next to impossible to lose weight if you decided to later.
Love yourself by nourishing yourself with things that are better for you. Love yourself by having self control. Love yourself by showing concern for the state of your health in the long term. You're important, so treat yourself like it.
>>154884>But that's an unpopular opinion among those who like to throw the word "selflove" around and who'd rather see you stagnate so they can feel better about themselves
Ugh, this is so true anon. There are so many people that have said "You're fine, you don't need to lose weight" while also just being in a bad spit themselves.
Thank you for your advice, anon.>>154885
Thank you so much, anon. I've been trying lately because the side of me that knows I need to get healthier is "winning" so to speak. I'll try harder!
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Lol just dump him and steer clear of egotistical men who can't aim straight.
does anyone have any experience with dating a resident? sorry that this is kind of long.
>meet through mutual friends>he is a first year resident at a hospital>spent a good 3 weeks talking online before we met in person>a lot of instant chemistry, we talk and act as if we've known each other forever, have a lot of overlapping interests and hobbies, etc.>texted everyday>he was on an elective rotation in Aug, so his weekends freed up and his workload became a lot lighter>he came to see me every weekend>the weekend he started back on his harder rotations, he told me he wasn't sure if it was due to his previous relationship (~3 years, she got engaged to someone else while with him) but he isn't sure if he's looking for anything serious>I interpreted this as the dreaded "I'm not looking for anything serious… with you">I wasn't expecting us to get serious (at least not until he went through another cycle of hard rotations to see if we could actually manage the busyness), but was open to the idea down the road>I clammed up and said I wasn't looking for anything serious either>he wanted to keep talking about it but I got awkward and uncomfortable>I think he knew something was wrong because he was being very affectionate with me (brushing my hair out of my face, forehead kisses, etc.)>after he went home, he wanted to make plans to see me again soon>I felt like he was giving mixed signals and got nervous, so I told him he was being wishy washy and asked for space instead>he respected that>waited until I seemed "ok" a week later (he waited until I was participating in our group chat with other friends) to message me and see how I was doing>we resumed texting kind-of-sort-of affectionately and on a daily basis>mutual friends who have known him longer say that for any other guy, they would have taken the "I'm not looking for anything serious" as "I'm not looking for anything serious with you" - but say this isn't the case for Resident>general consensus is that he is very busy, wasn't sure if he could handle a new relationship on top of work, and was feeling insecure (from previous relationships) and was hoping I would say that I wanted to be serious>he started another floor/rotation>very stressed out by work and has mentioned to me that he wakes up dreading work, but if I ask if he wants to talk about it, he shuts down>texting has tapered down to 1-3x a week, usually initiated by him and sometimes by me>he sent me a message this morning checking in with me and to say that he really appreciates all of my check-ins/attempts to cheer him up >it feels like he's being very distant with me, but I can't tell if it's because he's busy or if it's because he isn't interested anymore
should I just give up? :(
I can't weigh in specifically about being a resident, but I can say that it seems both of you aren't saying what you actually want. If the friends are correct and he said he wasn't looking for anything serious when he actually was, that was stupid of him. For you to say you weren't looking for anything serious when you were open to it, that was stupid of you. Stop playing games with each other and speak directly. If you're actually interested in this guy then ask, "Are you interested in a relationship with me? I've thought about it and I need to roll back my last answer - I like the idea of being your girlfriend, but I dislike being uncertain of where you stand. What are your thoughts?" His answer will tell you a lot. If he's still flaky when presented with such a blunt opinion, I would cut him off because you don't want to invest your time and emotions into someone who isn't going to give you any reassurance back. If he responds positively then there you go, no more uncertainty.
I'll probably get flack for saying you should be the active one because I know a lot of people think guys should always initiate because otherwise they're supposedly not serious or invested. But christ, they're people with doubts and fears too. You don't really have anything to lose if he's not interested but you stand to gain a lot of peace of mind by asking for some clarity.
Hi anon, thanks for the advice/feedback. <3 I 10000% agree with you that I was stupid. I really regret not being upfront with him and this is definitely a quality about myself that I want to work on. I wasn't ready for any sort of blunt rejection, so I ran away.
I really want to talk to him about it, but the last thing I want to do is burden him with unnecessary drama when he's already struggling to keep his head above the water. I also feel like if I put pressure on him now, he'll jerk away and any chances of us moving in the right direction will disappear. I've been waiting for him to get back on an elective rotation (next one is end of Nov), but now I'm not sure if we'll ever meet up because he seems like he's trying to put more distance between us.
Thanks again for listening, really appreciate it.
>>154948>mutual friends who have known him longer say that for any other guy, they would have taken the "I'm not looking for anything serious" as "I'm not looking for anything serious with you" - but say this isn't the case for Resident
Some of the gravest mistakes I've ever made with men is because I listened to friends and gave benefit of the doubt when my gut instinct told me otherwise. My gut was always right.
They don't speak for him anon, he's absolutely not into you. It's universal man language, and they're only giving him the benefit of the doubt cause he's their
friend. If they're wrong, you're the one who loses.
On the other hand, you lose nothing if you take his word about not being serious, back off, and then he comes to you if/when he wants something more with you. >>154951
No offense anon but this is terrible advice.
Communication has been made clear already.
He's not looking for anything serious.
Anon is looking for something serious and lied about it to not scare him off.
She needs to let him initiate when he decides he wants anything to do with her. >>154959>I really regret not being upfront with him.
Harsh reality check: That changes nothing as he's still not serious. He told you
his truth girl, yours doesn't matter and won't change his mind. Listen to your gut, back off and let him do the chasing if he's ever ready. You don't need someone framing you like you're a pushy clinger just because you're honest and forward about what you want. Your consideration is being wasted on someone who doesn't seem to be interested in reciprocating the same for you.
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TL;DR What should you do when you feel yourself getting pulled into your partner's ex drama?
Me and the current bf have been dating for a few months, he still lives with his ex because their lease isn't expiring until June and it can't be broken per the contract. They split the rent.
Anyways, it's awkward cause bf is forced to sleep in their shared living room while she gets the only bedroom. Bf has been staying over at my place as much as possible, and while I enjoy his company, the situation with his ex is like a dark cloud whenever he has to stay over there.
Before I started dating my bf, I contacted his ex just to be sure that it was okay and she said yes and that she's even seeing someone herself. Okay cool, or so I thought.
Although I don't know who starts what, all I know is currently they're both hostile towards one another. Whenever my bf goes to their apartment there's always a fight between them now. I know about it cause he always calls wanting to vent about what supposedly went down. While I believe she overreacts, he can also be very gruff and stubborn himself and being a man I don't think he's tactful when he's frustrated. I think they both cross lines in their own ways, on the basis of being a bitter ex couple who don't have the ability to leave and want to blame each other. They were together for several years so it makes sense why they're so defensive about their feelings. But holy shit their fights are petty.
>bf gets out of work at 11pm and wants to video chat with me when he gets home, but his ex needs to be asleep early
His ex says that the lights in their living room keeps her awake and his talking voice is too loud. She's extremely angry about this, he basically can't call anymore unless he goes to his car.
>she doesn't drive and he told her when he started dating me that he is not going to be driving her to her job et cetera anymore
This has made her really upset.
>bf insinuated she was jealous and now she's ragemode
Bf is convinced she doesn't allow him to make video calls anymore as a way to try to manipulate his relationship with me cause she's envious. However, it turns out that maybe on more than one occasion during their fights he might have worded a comeback that insinuated that ~*I*~ had said she was jealous! First of all, if my bf vented about it I probably went along with it cause it's my bf and the entire situation is a he said/she said anyway. Second of all, it does not serve me to kick up animosity from her.
Tonight, after allegedly she had made a boast that she "went and told her friends" about the late night calls and they agreed with her, he retaliated with "well some people thought she was being jealous." Which outs me in unspoken terms, because I'm pretty much the only person bf talks to and she knows it. So she thought I said it. All cause he couldn't stand by his statement on his own.
So my bf suddenly shoots off texts that she's being "crazy" and "psycho" and calls me, trying to get to me first because his ex was about to confront me through social media. And she did.
Fortunately I managed to deescalate her. She asked me bluntly if I had said she was jealous and I told her no, that bf had said that. I told her I couldn't really have an input on it cause I didn't know the full picture, and that I'm sorry what she was going through fwiw, and if she needed to vent that she could. I told her I would talk to him.
She seemed satisfied with that. I talked to bf and told him to not rock the boat anymore and to tell her what she wants to hear as long as it doesn't stress either of them out. Seriously this fighting is bullshit and I shouldn't have to be involved.
But make no mistake, I think she's shady. When I first talked to her to just verify the situation I asked her how their breakup was and if there was anything I'd need to know about him. She said no and was basically all green light at the time. Now? She's telling me that I will learn that bf says what's convenient for him, and says things like "I wish I could tell you my piece…but out of respect for you both, I will let you discover things yourself." Like…okay? So he drives you nuts enough to confront me, but when I give you a platform to spill the beans about his antics you decide you're gonna act mysterious and vague? Pft, alright then.
>>155117 > lease isn't expiring until June
How long was the lease they signed and how quickly did he move on and start dating you after the split?
I've lived with an ex for two months post break up and that was bad enough. Seems like there must be a way to pay his way out of this and move on. That's too long to be living in limbo.
Hate to out this out there but me and my ex were a mix of being civil at times but also fighting.. he still initiated sex for the duration of him living there and even when he found a new gf quickly.. that didn't stop things. I had a similar attitide of 'let her find out his ways for herself' becasue tbh he was abusive
at times and I needed to just get through the lease remaining semi-civil and without stirring up drama. New gfs won't thank you (or even believe you) if you air his dirty laundry like that. I wouldn't expect that from her.
No worries anon I appreciate the perspective. >How long was the lease they signed and how quickly did he move on and start dating you after the split?
It was a year deal they signed back in May when their old one was about to expire. This is before I met him. She told me that she encouraged him to find someone to date. Their relationship had pretty much been over but they stay together out of financial necessity as rent is high in the area and neither of them have friends to room with.
He did give me a pdf of their contract and there is no section for breaking lease, they would just consider it terminating the lease for both altogether and it would be unrealistically expensive. He could
still ask the office, BUT if it's anything like her needing to sign off on him leaving the lease (this is what I did when I lived with my ex), she can't and won't do it. Cause she can't afford living on her own and the man she's seeing doesn't have the balls to be with her. I doubt the office would allow her even if she wanted to cause she doesn't have the proof of income to support herself. At least when the lease naturally expires that will be entirely her problem. Like my bf could
just stay with me, but he would still have to give money to her to pay for the old place until June. Since I live far away from his job it isn't feasible to stay every night, it wouldn't financially benefit him at all on the commute alone.
Honestly they're so angry at each other that they're at each other's throats. She insists on having things her way and that my bf doesn't respect her. I feel like if he was doing something real dastardly–granted she could barely contain herself when he told her she's jealous–she wouldn't hesitate to say. She knows she can communicate with me in the least. I feel like both of them are fairly predictable albeit childish. >>155143
When he comes over tonight I'm basically going to tell him that he's to stay out of her way and apologize and feed her whatever she wants to hear if it keeps her from freaking out like that again cause I don't want to have to do this.
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I know it's a long shot, but does anyone have any tips for lowering your sex drive or even killing it altogether? Any supplements or herbs? I wish I could get anti-depressants solely for the sexual side effects but unfortunately I don't have insurance at the moment. My libido is starting to negatively impact my relationships and I feel like a disgusting scrote.
Thanks for the replies anons, I really appreciate them. >>155308
I have toys and regularly use them, but they do nothing to curb my desire since libido is a non-exhaustible resource. I want the desire to just disappear, you know? >>155309
My friend group has a raunchy sense of humor and we all overshare with each other, but their jokes/comments aren't coming from a place of desperation in the same way mine are. In either case, my libido is mainly affecting a budding online relationship that I can't afford to fuck up. He's currently on medication that significantly decreases his sex drive and I'm a POS exhibitionist who keeps trying to shoehorn sex/lewd photos into the conversation. He's been very patient with me but I feel like a degenerate on the subway trying to flash unwilling strangers. I simply can't trust myself not to bring sex up. >>155310
I'm afraid I'll detonate my relationship before it even gets off the ground.
LDRs are really hard. How close are you guys in proximity?
Can you tell it's bothering him? Don't sit there and eat yourself up on it. He needs to take something secondary to curb his sex drive and take the sexual side effects away to a degree or maybetalk to his doctor about wellbutrin or the other ones that aren't shitty aboutruining sex drive. He's the abnormal one due to meds, not you.
Gotcha, I think it's good you're at least aware of your behavior to start. It might be a good thing to actually masturbate less. I have a high libido as well and at least in my case when I'm masturbating often it tends to only make me more horny. Which makes sense because it's something you've incorporated into a regular routine and you keep expecting that payoff, which can build the desire if you overindulge.
Aside from that it might be helpful to try and redirect your energy. It's convenient that your relationship is online right now, because that way you can take breaks as you need. If you feel the desire to say something sexual, step away for a walk, do some chores, exercise, engage with a hobby, meditate, whatever, and try and wholly be in the moment and focus on something else.
Like the other anon said though, I do think it's normal to desire some level of sexuality in the relationship so I hope he's meeting you halfway and attempting to improve his desire as you try and limit yours. It's worth being open about your feelings so you can support each other rather than feeling like it's all on your to change how you feel.
(disclaimer that this is such a stupid problem and everyone is allowed to make fun of me for it) I grew up being the ugly sister, both my older sisters were and are super conventionally attractive and I was just kind of a pudgy kid with an awkward face. My whole family was constantly in on the joke that I was the ugly one, my parents had at least three photo albums for each of my sisters and one half filled for me. I’m an adult now, lost the extra weight and apparently really grew into my face in my late teens. People treat me a million times better, one of my sisters keeps complaining that I have better skin or that I’m “upstaging her”, my parents finally care about me, I get gross old men flirting dropping $20s in my tip jar, little old ladies complimenting me at random, guys asking me out. I really should be able to just appreciate that I ended up with a good face and body, but I still feel beyond ugly no matter what I do. I don’t know how to deal with people finding me attractive, I’m incredibly awkward at all times, I don’t know how to accept and believe compliments or trust that guys aren’t just pranking me when they say they like me. I don’t want to be that annoying bitch who pretends to be all modest and unaware that people think she’s pretty. I just need help figuring out how to match my confidence to what I have now.
have you tried wellbutrin anon? (AKA bupropion) it’s not an SSRI so it doesn’t kill your orgasm like other antidepressants.
also, depending on what you’ve been taking, your ability to climax might come back right away when you stop taking them or it might take months. never heard of longer than a year though. don’t freak out, you haven’t fucked yourself up forever.
the last time I changed my meds I went off the deep end and became suicidal, but that was 5 years ago now. I like the meds I'm on since they keep me stable but I've been feeling so much better recently and I'm planning to stop taking them soon (with my doctor's help) since I'm on such a small dosage too>>155490
I was lucky in the sense that my first try helped me a great deal with my depression and I'm too scared to change my meds for the reason I mentioned above.
my goal is to come off my meds entirely soon, my worry was just will my orgasms return once I do. I'm glad you said it could take months before things return to normal, that gives me hope that I haven't like, permanently fucked up my ability lol, thanks anon
Is there such thing as a reverse butterface? I've been told I look like Audrey Hepburn, young Brooke Shields, and the girl from The Fifth Element. Facewise I'm really pretty, I know that. It would be really great if my body wasn't so terrible. I'm 5'11, I weigh 108 pounds, I have a flat chest (AA cup), complete with broadish shoulders and a pancake ass. I just look like a weird lanky guy. Before anyone tells me to gain weight, I used to weigh 170 pounds, I'm still flat and I still have manshoulders and I'd rather look like a skinny guy then look like a chubby guy, plus I just feel like being heavier than 120 pounds is ugly. My body is just awful and I've been crying so much lately. I'm 20 and I've never even kissed a guy let alone had a boyfriend. The worst part is its the things that are so horribly wrong with me can't be fixed. I look at myself in the mirror and its like above the shoulders I look like I could be a Stacy but I'm so freakishly tall, I have no curves, I have no noticeable feminine assets whatsoever that overall it doesn't even matter. I'm not even so much ugly, just unfortunate.
I know this stupid femcel rambling is annoying and I would have posted it in the "How to cope with being ugly" thread but I haven't made up my mind on whether I'm hopeless or have potential. I get crushes really easily and I almost never act on them. I'm scared of being rejected and if I don't get rejected I know I'd probably stress about how I'm too ugly for him and worry he's constantly checking out other girls, wishing secretly my body was more like theirs or maybe his friends would make fun of him for dating me or something and that would just make me wanna die. But I really really want a boyfriend and I want to stop hating myself. I just don't know how a girl with my body could ever not hate herself.
I don't trust people much myself so take this with a grain of salt, but I think you can at least make friends more easily by having certain topics you classify as okay and others you avoid depending on how long you've known the person/after they've proven reliable. People are always going to judge you, it's just how they are, so what are things you don't mind being judged on? For me I will talk about hobbies, some of my more socially acceptable interests and parts of my past. I avoid talking about things that have affected me negatively in detail because that puts me in too vulnerable a place. And I avoid things that I know are hot issues for most people, like politics, religion, sex and so on. If a conversation is going that way then I just disengage or redirect. I don't really want to talk with the average person about those topics anyway (too many people want to argue rather than discuss), so I don't feel I need to spill my guts to get closer to someone. In the meantime if someone wants to make fun of me as a grown woman for watching animu or playing video games then I could give a flip, I also hike and lift regularly, but none of those things define me as a person. Anyone trying to put you in one particular box reflects more on them than you. By putting some of yourself out there you at least give people who do deserve a shot the chance to recognize similar qualities between you.
done and dusted, finally. I've been on some other threads and you guys always came through with the advice so I owe you huge thanks. been ruthless since I cut him off and he still doesn't get it.
seriously, thank you. hope you're having a wonderful day anons.
pink pill tastes good.
It depends on whether or not they still see eachother for sex, whether she's already with someone and has a relationship established, the dynamic between her and the father, and how much you like the kids.
It can really go either way, but you should find out what happened.
WTF I am social anxiety disorder anon and I have depression and fear of intimacy. Thats not something special outside my condition to warrant redefining it… that's like a natural consequence. it sounds too similar why call it a different thing
sorry if it's rude but I find that unnecessary, guess I am in that camp.
Pretty much the first 2 weeks of a new routine will suck no matter what, because your body needs to adjust to the physical load. After that it should get easier/less shitty. For me focusing on HIIT was useful because exercise only takes ~20 min a day. Feels manageable and I guilt myself by saying if I can't even exercise for the time it takes to watch a cartoon then I don't deserve good things in life kek. HIIT also genuinely gives me more energy and I feel less drowsy and lethargic all the time, so once I'd enjoyed those benefits for a while it made me want to maintain them.
Another thing that helps is doing a physical activity that's fun for you. Stuff where you're active but not thinking "Fuck I'm exercising right now," just, "I'm having a good time." For me sports were hit and miss. I eventually found out my "thing" was pole dancing. I love the self expression and the sense of flying. Hours pass without me ever feeling like I'm working out; I'm just dancing. Yet it's made my core and upper body strong as fuck, and I'm hype to be able to do 5+ pull ups in a row now.
So maybe give yourself time to experiment. Yoga, hiking, dance (Zumba?), aerial arts, swimming, martial arts, rock climbing, gymnastics, biking, parkour. Whatever it is there's probably something you'd enjoy learning that would also be physically challenging, but the excitement surrounding the exercise would make it feel like less of a strain.
I don't think you're biased. I would be just as disgusted as you if my friend were in a similar situation. It also seems like it's a super shitty situation for her since she's in school, young, still living with her parents.
How close are you guys? If you guys are tight, I'd be honest with her and state the reasons you mentioned here. You can also tell her that life will probably be worse, not better, with the child. Her child's life would be pretty impacted too and she should think about the future. If you guys aren't close, I'd be a bit more gentle and try to gently push her into thinking that she should abort. So gently that she thinks she came across the idea and not you.
Diff anon but I was diagnosed with avpd and I didn't even know until ten years later when I got access to my medical records for something else. They had diagnosed it and just never told me. I would've thought that PDs are something you really annouce to a person… guess even professionals don't really treat it all that serious compared to other PDs.
I always told people I had GAD and I still just label the whole lot as vague anxiety. It does happen to affect me in nearly every area of life though, cool lol
Listen, anon. My mother was bpd and she got pregnant after hooking up with an older married dude. My childhood was shit, shortly speaking. Please at least try to explain to her that abortion is really the best option in her current life situation, it's not the right time and it's not the right man. There will be a better time. It's better to abort now than to ruin her and the child's life.
Sorry you're going through that.
Almost all health systems make you go through counselling/therapy first and then they refer you to a psych, and don't worry because if the professional you end up seeing is worth their salt they will immediatly see your situation is serious and you do need help. Please don't take the NHSs shortcomings as a sign you don't matter anon, you do.
Please, at least try to hang on until your appointment with a psych after they refer you… i know how it feels hopeless now, and like it would be so much easier, but just try to survive day by day until you get help, and eventually, the treatment might give you hope and will to live again.
Sounds like someone you may not want to be affiliated with anymore, she sounds lost and she's about to drag an innocent child into it. Some people are dead set in making very bad mistakes, but it's not your job to stick your neck out in an attempt to shield them.
You can politely tell her your stance (if she asks for it) but you aren't obligated to entertain really bad decision-making. Oh, and if you do decide to stick by her side, be prepared because this sounds like the type of person who may expect her friends to play fallback caregivers, psychologists, and babysitters once the man runs for the hills for good and she's alone with a baby.
It took me years to figure this one out, Anon. Honestly it just comes with practice and patience. People used to talk to me and all I'd hear was white noise.
My advice is to cling to every single word they're saying and think of questions you can ask on the spot. If you're in voice chat online, google what they are talking about (even if you know already) so that you can keep track of whats being said. That's my only advice I can give.
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I would normally ask in the stupid questions thread but.. which tree poster do you anons prefer..?
>>156435>What can I tell myself
What you just said, you're not in a place to give away money
>What can I tell them
Nothing. If a random beggar asks for money, you don't owe them a reason. Either ignore them or say firmly "No." and keep walking, make no eye contact. If it's people you know asking for money, again just say firmly "No." You don't owe them a reason.
>It just seems like such a rude thought.
It's not and it's not your responsibility. It's far more rude for strangers to think they're entitled to your money.
"No" or "No, don't contact me again." That's literally all you have to say. Block him everywhere if he contacts you after that.>>156421
I'm an anxious person and as a result of that I tend to be not so assertive. With age I've become better at honestly 'playing deaf' with nearly every stranger that approaches me wanting something.
I hate how as women we're socialised to put ourselves last just to be polite (anka a doormat) to complete fucking strangers. Just let people think you are rude, you get a thick skin about it after a while.
I do the same thing with men approaching me, I play deaf and blind. Best approach I've found. Don't even engage.
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In a ldr with a guy who also soon plans to teach abroad (while i'm still home in the UK for my final year of University).
But we still have great connection and love each other. What should I do since it doesn't seem like our circumstances/ futures are compatible? i'm crying legit everyday
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Anons how do you feel about being mutuals on social media with kids? I wasn’t really paying attention awhile back and followed a few accounts whose styles I liked, only to realize later that they’re like 14. One in particular really seems to get to want to know me, and while she seems like a nice kid I don’t want to get too involved for obvious reasons. I don’t want to unfollow or block her and hurt her feelings but I feel weird following these actual children, even if the only thing I do is like their posts. Am I overthinking this or is it best just to unfollow?
Are you saying it would be impossible to join him after you're done with uni? If not, one year of an ldr is nothing, it'll pass fast. Hang out in voice/video calls, you can watch things together, eat together when home etc. Create a routine and ldrs are easier to handle.
t.has been in an ldr for way too long
I follow a bunch of accounts on insta that share an interest I have, I'm guessing a good percentage of them are teens but I just follow them for the shared hobby and I don't interact with them through messages at all.
I'd ignore all messages from accounts from that. Alot of teens that age will overshare with strangers and it's honestly concerning how much they reach out to randos to chat.
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same struggle here, anon, i also wonder how to get along with other girls. Since i was a toddler, i was considered a tomboy even though I liked frilly dresses and so on but still managed to hate other girls around me. It's maybe because I was harassed by them for a long time that today I totally gave up on the idea to have girl friends. I just feel like pic related when I try to chat with other girls be it on the internet or in real life.
Honestly, in uni there's not much you can do. Unless they used slurs or highly inappropriate expressions, anything you'd report towards your local student's rights body (or anything similiar in function) would probably be dropped if it's a one-time incident. If he or she CONTINUES to pick you out in the room and act in a hostile manner, then I'd go and report them.
Maybe you won't be their favorite student, but unless you'll have more courses you have to attend led by them, I woudln't really worry about it.
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Do any of the women here who are in their late 20s or early 30s have family members they despise?
My mom and older sister bullied me my whole life (didn't realize it until recently opening up to my husband about past experiences). I can't stand either of them but at least my sister leaves me the fuck alone usually these days.
My mom calls once a month as if she wants to check in on me but every time I try to tell her something, she makes the topic of conversation all about herself or goes out of her way to humiliate me if she doesn't like something about me. I will try to tell her about what's going on in my life and she will just talk over me and not even listen. I feel like I can't get a word in edgewise unless I talk very fast without leaving a single beat of silence.
She makes plans to visit (from across the country) without first consulting me or if I'm available. When she arrives, all she does is complain about everything and everyone and won't shut up for a goddamn second unless I sit her in front of the TV like a toddler watching Paw Patrol. She doesn't engage in conversation. She just talks about anything that's on her mind at the moment.
I really don't know how to make her aware of how unsupportive she is. I can't get her to see any side of any situation other than her own. She doesn't think about anything she says and offends me constantly. Even when I tell her I don't like to hear about something she will keep talking about it. She has zero respect for me.
I don't know what the fuck to do to handle this bitch other than sit in silence and say/do absolutely nothing when she's talking to me on the phone or in my home. I spend the entire last few months of the year dreading the holiday season even though she's only ever around for a few days.
Do any of you deal with something like this? I have no idea if she has a personality disorder like narcissism or something. I really wish I could have a single supportive family member but I don't.
If you keep up treatment, mostly birth control and maintaing a low weight (sometimes spiro if your testosterone is really high), most cysts actually get re-absorbed and new ones will form at a much slower rate, you just need to take the pills and have a yearly pelvic ultrassound.
With the right treatment combo I solved most of my issues, don't have awful acne anymore just a handful of pimples and a cystic one on my chin once or twice every month, no painful periods or cramps, no fucking bleeding 10 days straight, im still a bit hairy but that's also genetics tbh.
Its genuinely not as scary as it sounds, lots of people use PCOS as a crutch on the internet but its a very easily manageable issue, the gist of it is basically being at a low-ish bmi (im at a 19-20 usually) and taking the bc and you will most likely be as a healthy as a someone without PCOS.
This sounds so much like my mom and one of my aunts kek. They used to call me under the guise of caring about me, but it was just an excuse for them to use me like a diary for a half hour. Even after I moved, got a promotion, new apartment, etc, they never asked how I was doing, they just mentioned random shit they saw on Fox News and ranted about reality shows.
I simply stopped answering. If you're moved out and not financially dependent, you don't have to keep listening to your mom's shit. You don't have
to go no contact, but severely limit the conversation. It's just going to frustrate you. If you do answer, mention how busy you are or that you're on another call.
Yeah i will never understand why such a common disease is so overlooked by doctors. I knew more about phimosis than PCOS as a teen ffs.
It is for life anon, you will need to watch your weight and insulin levels to make sure you're not insulin resistant, watch your hormones and cholesterol closely and will probably need to eat healthier and exercise regularly. You may also need BC pills or other meds.
I'm sorry, i know how infuriating it is to go years without being diagnosed, but you will really most likely lead a normal life and just need to manage your health a bit more closely once you strike a hormonal balance with pills or exercise+diet. And aways be ready to fight doctors on this, misinformation on this is abysmal so be ready to advocate for yourself until you find a doctor who knows 100% what they're doing.
Ffs anon your only friends are a troon and a barely legal coomer who's literally just waiting to fuck you? Those aren't real friends at all. Ditch them both and work on developing some quality friendships with other women. I can promise you the horny child doesn't have your best interests at heart and talking to him about sexual topics when you know how he feels is pretty gross and pathetic, yeah.
You've basically admitted to yourself that he's just there to serve your ego, and the fact that his mindless slavering is somehow validating to you is sad. Work on improving your self esteem so you don't need his attention to feel secure and good about yourself. Your behaviors are highly indicative of poor self image.
Oh shit I think I deleted a part of that sentence.
Nonono, the barely legal person is a female friend and I'm in my early 20's, we made friends in a writing club and she's not the person this post is about. The guy I'm talking about is someone I met in high school.
It's not normal to just let men talk at you about them being so horny and down to fuck you… I've only experienced that with an autistic guy in my college and any slight friendliness I had towards him disappeared in that moment.
It's probably a bit late now because this guy knows you don't show normal boundaries. He'll resent you suddenly gaining healthy boundaries and start testing you. Guys typically turn into assholes if you act like a passive doormat for a while and then stop. More importantly who even wants a friendship with those kinds of men?
That editing mistake was meant to explain why I don't want to overshare my problems with her, but yeah/
And you're really right about my self-esteem issues, it's something I've always struggled with and it's hell without a therapist (trying to find one during COVID is hard). I'm trying to debate myself that it's not worth messing around with this guy when I don't want him anyway, it's not even that funny and it never gave me a 'I'm amazing' boost.>>156781
I know I came asking lolcow for help but I don't think he is secretly a monster underneath. But after reading these replies I think it's better late than never to tell him the truth. It's going to look like very mixed signals but I guess that's the mess I made.
Man, it's exactly like that. Like I'm just a recording device for her audio blogs.
Yeah, limited conversation is kind of the direction I've been going as of the last few calls.
I just really don't want to spend time with her for the holidays but seeing as the state she lives in is headed toward another lockdown it seems like I won't have to. If that's not the case, I'll be insistent about her staying home this year.
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how do you feel confident in your own skin?
I thought this was something that would eventually come with age, but no, teens come and went, twenties too. still feel this sense of paranoia that to everyone else I seem weird/aloof. never outgrew this feeling of being very self conscious of even the tiniest little things about myself. worry how I'm walking is weird, if my hair looks a mess, what I'm doing with my hands. I also constantly feel as though I'm being scrutinised (even though I know I'm not and that people 9/10 do not give a shit)
apparently I'm not going to wake up one day and feel secure in who I am and in my looks. any advice anons?
Sorry if I sound like a broken record because I've suggested this before, but I want as many anons to know about it as possible: I suggest CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). I had really bad depression and terrible self image. The book Self Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques (McKay & Fanning) was super helpful in breaking down my negative beliefs. I was able to start looking at myself in a healthier, more realistic way. And yeah, it took me until I was in my late 20s to address things in a more organized manner, it will not go away unless you put the work in.
There are exercises you have to do and you'll likely need to spend time considering some uncomfortable things, but once you get through that it's like you start seeing clearly for the first time. I don't have flawless confidence now but definitely a hundred times better than I used to be.
The fact that you don't live together is such a huge plus anon. You can immediately just cut yourself off from him without being forced to be in his presence due to a lease and shared belongings. Please take advantage of that. He can fuck off, seriously, you can break up with that asshole over text if you like. I don't care if you'd been together a decade.
You know the way he's treating you is not loving in any way, shape or form. So why stay with someone who doesn't love you? Because you're desperate? Because you don't want to be alone? Because you're worried no one else will want you? I can tell you right now based on simple statistics there are literally MILLIONS of men in the world who would love your company and treat you far better than this idiot. Treat yourself like you would a friend. It sounds like he's been fucking with your self esteem as so many men do, so please try and remember what you deserve and want in life outside of this toxic
person. Talk to friends and family that would be sympathetic, talk to a therapist, keep talking to people online even. Do things that make you happy and be brutally honest with yourself about what he's been bringing into your life. I'm certain that once you've gotten past the sense of loss and disappointment, you'll feel a sense of relief once you've extracted yourself from this parasite.
get your stuff back off him, the go ghost. seriously parachute the fuck out of there now before it gets worse.
I legit just had to do this with my bf of 4 years and our anniversary would be in 2 days. you gotta do what you gotta do, your heart comes first not his. you got this.
good luck, anon.
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Insomnianon here, I posted in the vent thread already but I feel like I need advice. I have the type of insomnia where I can fall asleep in a few minutes but I always wake up between 1 and 4 am and CANNOT. FOR. THE.LOVE. OF. GOD. GO. BACK. TO. SLEEP. I take 1mg melatonin before going to bed and then another 1 mg in the 1- 4 am interval. Which works but it gives me crazy fucking dreams and the day after I feel like I've been hit in the head with a baseball, makes me super irritable and also gives me a stomachache. In the last few weeks I've been going to work on 3-4 hours of sleep consistently. I also tried drinking warm milk with honey and take magnesium before bed. Nothing fucking works. Someone please fucking help me
Hi, everyone. I hope you’re all doing well.
I don’t really know how to begin, so I’ll just describe myself—I’m 20 years old and I have autism and multiple other mental illnesses that impair my ability to socialize and communicate, and which permanently stunted my social skills from a young age. I go outside only to shop (usually for groceries, but if I need clothes, I thank the heavens for the additional opportunity to leave the house), exercise (usually jog, but I do go to the gym rarely, I just hate when people talk to me there), and to read at the library. My “job,” or simply what I do for money, doesn’t resemble conventional work (and no, it’s not SW) and it’s not even something I can tell anyone about. I have nowhere to really meet anyone or socialize, and even if I did, I have the social skills of wet cardboard and I’m extremely shy and vaguely neurotic in conversation.
The only thing I have “going” for me is that I’m attractive, but that hasn’t gotten me anything because I disdain moids and don’t want their superficial attention. (I lie to myself and tell myself I don’t need a respectful, bookworm, socially awkward boyfriend just like me, but I pine for him in truth.) I just want some female friends who would understand me and whom I could talk to about anything, because I’m a weirdo that wants to talk about whatever crosses my mind, and those might be unorthodox topics of discussion. My parents have both been dead for years, and apart from the relatively insignificant inheritance I received from them, I’ve been by myself in every walk of life since September 2017, when my mother died.
I feel strange posting this somewhere where so many ladies seem normally adjusted or at least not like total shut-in losers like myself. I don’t know what to do with my life, and it hurts that most people my age are having the time of their lives while I rot miserably and slowly die. I know I can’t ever have a normal social life, but I just want somebody who will love me or care about me. As it stands, no one’s given a fuck what happens to me or what I’m doing in years. What should I do? How do I even begin to integrate into society or find a good man? I have nothing to offer but money and looks, neither of which attract good men.
You're very well spoken in writing, so if it's difficult to socialize in person you could join some groups online. Maybe communicating with people who have similar interests could build up your confidence, and once they know you online you could explain why you're nervous to meet in person and go from there. I think even normies would likely be understanding and willing to help you get out of your shell.
Also, if you have money, have you not looked into therapy? There are therapists who specialize in autism and could be able to help you overcome aspects of your communication troubles.
>My “job,” or simply what I do for money, doesn’t resemble conventional work (and no, it’s not SW) and it’s not even something I can tell anyone about.
Why, do you write erotic fiction or something? Having an unconventional job is usually a good conversation starter because most people do boring ass stuff like clerical work or banking. It's nice to hear something unusual now and then.
Anon, you sound fine to me. Plenty of girls on here aren't well adjusted and have their fair share of characteristics or aspects of life that trouble them. That's not to diminish your feelings or experiences though.
You've already been through a lot with the passing of your parents, and I know how difficult that can be to deal with (I lost my father suddenly at 11 and I'm 19 now). Also, I know autism isn't exactly something you can simply put on the back burner in order to socialize better. My advice to you on that front is to just seek out people online who have similar interests to you. I hope you don't get offended by this, but maybe you could look into some autism-related forums as well if that sounds interesting. What's cool is you guys all have something in common, to begin with, but everyone also has their own unique lives. Furthermore, I agree with the other anon that you should perhaps seek out therapy (if you haven't already) or any other decompressing avenues if your mental illnesses have begun to impair your life.
As for dating, I can't help you much there. I'm not even entirely sure I believe there's someone for everyone. It's bleak but it's also ok to know that not being in a romantic or sexual relationship is fine. That being said, if you do desire a boyfriend then I would just say wait. The right person for you comes naturally (cliche, I know). Trying to actively force yourself into a relationship starts you off on rocky terrain. Maybe try to get into a relationship and don't mention the inheritance for quite a while? If you're an attractive gal, then a lot of men will naturally gravitate toward you anyway. LC has a reputation for swearing off against men, citing that they can't handle mental illness and psychiatric conditions, but I don't entirely agree with that. I struggle with having conversations (i.e. small talk) as well and honestly being friends before being significant others is the best approach, in my opinion. My boyfriend of a year and I met on Tinder and we're still going strong. You just have to find someone who understands you. Good luck! and sorry for the blog kek.
Do you spend a lot of time in front of screens shortly before bed? That's been known to excerbate insomnia symptoms. If you can't afford a doctor's visit, then maybe look into other over-the-counter medication (natural or manufactured) that's supposed aid in sleep. There's always Benadryl too, if you're down for that. That might also give you bizarre dreams though.
Sidenote: Do you ever have the "hit in the head" feeling after you wake up from sleeping without taking melatonin? Because sleep apnea is another condition that's closely tied to insomnia and can make you wake up feeling irritable/like you got terrible sleep.
Fellow insomniachan here. Hydroxyzine makes me pretty tired. Taking it with melatonin helps..the exhausted feeling the day after never really goes away when taking any sleep aid though. Benzos will really knock you out but are horribly addicting and probably give you more of a hangover feeling than any other traditional sleep aid.
Try getting some slightly see through curtains if you can, if you don't already. Natural light in your room really helps me feel more awake in the mornings
No. Well, I do that, but not for money. As for my actual "work," it's something similar to crypto trading… I don't know how to explain, really. I like erotica, though. I write it and feel really ashamed about it. I'm still a virgin, so it's a lot kinkier than anything I've ever done (anything is) and I basically imagine myself as the characters… When I finish writing it, I go back and read it and imagine all of the different feelings my characters get, like being held closely, intimacy, and think about what it would be like. It's kind of pathetic and I feel embarrassed doing it, but it's so nice, it's like a drug. It's the only intimacy I get.
I have had a very poor experience with therapists in the past. I was seeing them from a young age and it felt like I just continued on without seeing any improvement, so I started ditching my therapy sessions entirely. I think the issue is that I have very many illnesses, it's not just autism, and some of them are diagnosed. It feels like when I was created, whoever made me took all of the mental problems from eight or nine different people and gave them all to me and they lived normally, if that makes any sense. That may sound kind of weird.
I think I'm going to look a little more intensely for something like a good therapist, and I live in a metro region where that might be possible, but it historically hasn't helped much. It's really hard to get the motivation to do that.>>157032
I really should try… I heard hobby groups are really good for this, particularly to find a boyfriend if you don't tell anyone you're a woman, since they won't be treating you any differently than they would a man, so it'd basically be just like talking to a friend about a subject you're really passionate about. I don't really like that many things, though. I'm into reading (this is okay? But part of what I like are "nerdy" books and movies, so these would be moid-dominated subjects…), some fitness (really only cardio with some other basic exercises, and this is kind of a neurotypical field, right?), crypto trading/finance (male-dominated), certain types of music (sort of male-dominated and not really something I discuss outside of sharing recommendations?), and maybe a few other things I'm forgetting.
I already participate on some online forums and in some communities. (Not really live chat groups because those tend to make me nervous.) It's kind of hard since if someone says something rude or people react adversely to my post (especially if it's multiple people, then I feel really ashamed and my heart sinks), I feel like I've just done something unspeakably cringy and sulk to myself for failing socially again. I can get into pretty detailed discussion about my interests, but how do you translate that to making real-life friends with someone? Do you basically have to be on a live chat like Discord instead of just on a forum? I really just have no clue how to do it. A lot of my interests are really male-dominated, for example, I really like Star Wars and analyzing the movies/discussing lore. Same thing for LoTR and a couple other franchises. I can't even discuss anything like female characters with them because they always bring up how the characters make their dick feel or say weird shit that makes me uncomfortable, probably because it reminds me of being harassed when I was younger and even less social. I recently tried to ask moids online not to speak like that, to which they laughed at me and called me a simp and told me to "get the stick out of my ass." I didn't think it was worth it to say anything else to them, so I just left it and I was angry for the whole day because I felt like moids had taken another hobby from me, since I sure as hell wasn't going to use that site as much anymore. I think it's unrealistic not to expect them to act like that. They're just swine by nature. I literally wouldn't mind dating one of the men they call "white knights," if he's doing it out of genuine care for the human and not just to try and get pussy by acting super nice to women, like most of them are. It might not seem like a big issue to moids, but for me, the way that they talk when they're with their friends is a huge indicator of their true nature, particularly if they make casually misogynistic jokes or engage in casual objectification.
The men that gravitate towards a woman for being attractive aren't the ones you want, right? My looks make up a minuscule part of me, because I'm so different from everyone else and being with me would be radically different from being with almost any other girl. I could be wrong there, but these are mostly ideas I've developed on my own and by interacting with other feminists online. I think most men are bad, but not all of them. I think that if I entered into a relationship, fell for him, and then he cheated on me or dumped me, I would actually commit suicide. I'm really afraid to trust a man because I really want someone who's obsessed with me, not someone who wants to use me. I don't care if he's my only friend in this life and I'm his only friend. Then we could be together whenever we want and live for one another. That would be so nice. I wish I were just attracted to women so that I could find someone like me who I wouldn't have to worry about, though.>>157068
Thank you… I'm unsure how to make genuine friendships from the websites and forums I use, but I will try to do that if the opportunity pops up. I hope you can find someone to make you happy. We all deserve it, and none of us deserve to be lonely.
Sorry but your mom is a control freak and any person brought up with a normal sense of boundaries would interpret this behavior as ill.
Unless you're some kind of learning disabled potato or a drug addict looking to OD, there is no reason on earth why an adult woman in her late 20s needs to give mommy her GPS location.
Lay out the boundaries and let her know what the consequences are. If she keeps this up, you need to cut contact.
Thanks anon. Honestly it is kind of difficult for me to determine what behaviors are healthy or not, just because I've been around it for so long. I feel like a lot of people humor her (her sister lets her track her location for example), but it's easy for them because they haven't had to deal with it to the extent I have. I did actually remove myself from the GPS and refused to add her back when she asked about it. She's been sulking and hasn't contacted me for a while, and I'm concerned it's eventually going to result in her calling me more because now she can't just see where I am.
But I have to do something at this point, I feel like I can barely live my life without her hovering constantly. She is a functional person who holds down a high-level job, takes care of her father, has friends, and so it's really weird just coming out of the fog to see how this one part of her life (unfortunately involving me) is so dysfunctional. But I'm a fairly boring person, I've literally never done drugs even once in my life and I only drink socially, so I don't get her need to obsess over me when there's no reason for it.
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I know this is very stupid, but I think that you anons are the only ones I could talk about this.
I believe that some time ago I posted on /ot/ about a personal cow that got pissy at pety fandom stuff, and how it just wasn't fun anymore. The cow didn't delete their blog as I thought, but the milk just lost its magic for me, so I lost all interest in them, but I found out something that got on my nerves.
That cow and their friends have been shit-talking my friends, making a dobson-tier list of people who hurt their fefees by existing, and when they got call out for it, they went like "B-but muh safe space", which was all bullshit because a few months later that thing ended with a few call out posts and death threats.
Ever since, I made an account, so I could have more contact with my friends if that happens again, now that I'm not a random anon anymore I'm 99% sure that they shit-talk me too.
Now, this is the problem, I don't really care about getting death threats, at this point I am so beaten off with stupid discourse that I just lost all feelings about it, but I know that my friends don't see it as such, and it really hurts me to see them getting all that hate because some 20-something baby got pissy.
I don't really care if this is seen as cowtipping, because now is something personal, that has affected my friends which are really dear to me, but I don't want to go full of anger at this person, I don't want to write a full a-log post about how angry I am if I already now that it won't help, in fact I might make things worse, but what should I do?
How do I put this person in their place and don't come off as an edgelord? How can I protect my friends from stupid drama?
I'm sorry if this is very long and dumb, but I really want to stop this person from doing all this to them.
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so my cunt of an ex friend was treating me like shit and is now going off about me to her simps now that i've cut her off and deleted some stream things i made for her. i'm petty. how do i expose a small twitch streamer and have it get attention? i want the world to know how selfish of a bitch this girl is. or should i just let it be?
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Even if I just needed a little help. Your comment helped me a lot when presenting the chocolates to my coworker as I wasn't sure whether or not it was an appropriate gift to show my gratitude.
She was very happy and surprised by my gift and it was easier then I thought to give it to her.
Thank you, this means a lot to me.
Mmmm yeah I guess, I still want to let the world know what a lying cunt she is lol but oh well. Thanks.>>157863
She's a smaller streamer, only around 400 followers. I'd love to expose her on here but that's probably not allowed.
It’s just him and the woman. All resorts in Cancun are open. We have been booked for the past year, it’s our annual trip. But I was too afraid because of all the shit going on right now, elections and pandemic.
She is kinda behind him with one hand on his shoulder and her face close to him.
>>158084 >He is perfect and does everything for me. I don’t even work.
This might sound like a positive but ime this just means that they have leverage over you which makes it harder to leave at the first sign of cheating/disrespect/abuse etc
I had an ex go on holiday at a time when I was really wasn't well, there was no cheating issue but his nice holiday was my two weeks of struggle. It's hard to stand up for yourself knowing you financially rely on that same person. Do you feel like an equal and like you can approach him with issues?
We just lay down at the beach at this topless resort and dance all night. We haven’t had sex in quite some time and is not my fault. He lost interest. We do chat with a few people, specially him as I am the shy one but I’m always around and it’s always respectful. We never had issues with other women hitting on him. And usually is a romantic trip. >>158094
We treat each other equally. He really is a wonderful man if wasn’t for the dead bedroom we are in. I have no complaints. He’s really proved me over and over they my doubts were nothing. But this picture is telling me something. My gut feeling is that this is something that I can’t let behind without answer.
Please someone tell me how should I approach him! I’m really in pieces right now
I can't fathom the understanding of someone that wants to go to a topless beach, drinking cheap booze and getting access to cheap drugs in a popular tourist hotspot for hooking up by themself unless they had ulterior motives.
If you're already having problems in the bedroom, and he actually fucking left you at home to go to this place alone.. I honestly can't see a single thing about this situation that sings good things about him. Literally nothing. What would he even do? Go there, get trashed and jerk off in the hotel room alone?
Ask him to see all of the pictures from there. Hope you took one of the one with him and the woman so that he can't turn around and delete it and treat you like you're nuts and must have been dreaming.
Give him the benefit of the doubt going in, try to remain calm.
you have all my sympathy anon. i know exactly how it feels.
1. did your husband tell you specifically he's going alone? you need clarification on this point itself even if the whole situation turns out to be absolutely nothing, he lied to you and didn't make it clear until he was back/you had to find out some other way. regardless of infidelity it's a problem if he doesn't feel comfortable telling you who he meets/accompanies when he's not with you
2. i want to stop you at>He is perfect and does everything for me. I don’t even work
like the other anon said this is often a power imbalance that may make it more difficult for you to decide what's the best step to take in an abusive
address your feelings about this asap and probably try to figure out the things that you're already doing for him without realizing. a lot of wives get stuck with house chores (laundry, cooking, housekeeping) and mistakenly think it's not sufficient contribution just because the man is the breadwinner/earns more.
3. this cannot be said enough – you remaining calm is of the utmost importance here
if he's not cheating, you can make the best of things if you're able to discuss things rationally and openly. you may be able to bring up your dead bedroom issue and work through it
if he is cheating, he will divulge a lot more and a lot easier (i know from experience) if you are calm and collected. acting like his words are washing over you/saying only as much as you need to may be your best bet in such a situation.
either way, it's best to approach him in a way that doesn't tip him off to how you've been feeling because in my experience the man may get spooked and start feeling blamed about the situation (which he should, but it'll shut the conversation down)
chin up anon, you're the wife, he owes you respect and fidelity
be strong and calm. sorry for the drunk wall of text but i hope it helped you think about the situation
So I confronted him. I’m too hot blooded and couldn’t keep it to myself. But I didn’t fight.
It happens that it was entertaining crew and a transgender woman doing a drag Queen show. Fml a man is prettier than me.
He told me the next day he saw her without makeup and she was friendly. Knowing the resort the entertainment crew are really fun and always mingle with guests.
I feel like an idiot now. I put my glasses on snd you could see she had some masculine feature. I’m dead.
He is very trustworthy and is me the only with issues. I haven’t enjoying my own skin for quite some time.
I know most have a bad relationship and as a result think all men are bad. This is has been with me when I was really sick and also helped me leave a very bad situation. I just got luck lol
So yeah it was my bad.
I have education and degree I can leave if I will but I just met someone that really makes me happy and gives me a blessed lifestyle. Even though I’m a POC he sees me as equal and does really everything for me, like I want to get another degree and he’s supporting me.
I just have really low self esteem and need to work on myself. Wtf I felt like shit because of a troon. I feel like an idiot. I’m sorry!>>158099>>158109
I tried to go to therapy and he has hormones issues. He has been treating it with a doctor. >>158104
We go to a high class resort with extremely expensive alcohol. We only drink grey goose for example or any expensive brand.
It’s the resort we met and married. Yes it’s topless but I like it too. It’s much fun. I’ve been to a nudist resort with him too. We just enjoy life but together. We never did anyone, no threesomes or nothing. We just like freedom.
Like I said he as a medical condition. I go with him to his doctor and his blood tests. He has NO SEX DRIVE because of it even though he’s treating it.
Not every man that loses interest is related because he’s a bastard and a cheater. Medical conditions can also happen.
Thanks for the supportive messages and not for the judgmental ones. Not all relationships are that bad. Some times we women have self esteem issues. I know I do and I need to go to therapy.
What about your own sex drive or need for intimacy? You say you don't feel good in your own skin and haven't for a long time. You don't even have the reassurance of an active sex life so no wonder.
You both need therapy if you intend to stay in a sexless relationship. That's very much something where a relationship therapist is needed to decide if this even has a future. Him not having a sex drive will play a large role in your concerns of cheating and long term that lack of intimacy kills a relationship. I know you think highly of this guy but reverse the roles. If he had a healthy sex drive would you expect him to just stay celebate for you?
Sounds pretty fuckin ridiculous that you posting on an all female board just laughing at cows or chatting general girl shit should be such a big deal to him. He thinks it's toxic
My ex used to 'waste time' on facebook in male heavy groups that I have no interest in, the hours added up but it never occured to me to try and control his online activities or be too concerned. You do reach a point in relationships where you can spend evenings sitting on your seperate laptops in the same room and it's just not a big deal. He sounds oddly controlling.
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looks like it's us or him baby, you know what to do.
kek anon if he used to browse a couple of chans himself he's got noting to say. Sounds like he's scared of a board where a lot of women are more critical of his gender.
Anyway I'd happily keep browsing LC if you enjoy it. Tell him that he's free to disagree with you browsing here but that it doesn't affect him in any way, shape or form so his opinion isn't going to keep you from browsing LC.
sorry but he's a moron. why does he even care? if it's not affecting your daily activities and your time with him? shaming you for doing things you like is wrong and he is overstepping boundries imo> he left to go do chores
that's an absolute plus! i say you keep posting here so he does all the chores. kek
I'm hot blooded too, I get it. It's funny, because this morning I was laughing to myself wondering if it was a troon and that everything was a misunderstanding. I should have just gone with instinct and made the joke instead of asking all the questions. Things will be fine, anon.>>158163
If he means more to you than posting here, then yeah. Ditch this place. At the same time though, you're an adult and you posting here shouldn't make any difference to him, especially since it's not porn and other shit that's heavy on the chans.>>158168
My husband and I screen shitposts and random bullshit from here and trade them out with the gems he finds on 4chan. I genuinely don't get what the deal is, it's controlling of the dude.
>>158171 >Sounds like he's scared of a board where a lot of women are more critical of his gender.
Instantly reminded me of that filthy frank vid years ago (white people club 2.40 lol) where he is like
"I don't think that more than 5 women should be aloud in the same place at once but other than that yeah sure I believe in feminism baby" lol
He's not controlling in any other aspect, even in this situation he was very tight-lipped compared to how he usually is when stuff bothers him. at least… i don't perceive this time as controlling or manipulative?>>158170
He can try to pry this site from my cold, stiff, manicured hands.>>158171
I do think there's possibility he is intimidated by how much misandrist and fatphobic sentiment is harbored here. I am a very staunch hater though, he knows I'm a full blooded misandrist and that he's the
only exception. But he's never really made a point of calling those exact things out.>>158174
I can't pick! I want both.>>158178
I think out of everything… honestly… it could be the fat hate? His ex-wife / best friend of 12 years is a pitiful, trailer trash fatty weeb. It didn't cross my mind til i started writing this…
Like I mentioned before, we've gushed over cows we both hate (Usagi Kou, MooMoo, etc.) and he knows i'm lowkey a femcel shitlord. He proposed regardless.
also holy shit thank you, girls. these responses brought me some laffs and reaffirmed why I stay.
It does come off as super controlling.
In all my years of spending too much time online I've never had a partner pay too much attention to what is on my laptop screen. You should be able to browse without feeling like he's checking what site you're on. I mean the fact that it's a female site.. there's no cheating threat. We're not posting porn. He's literally threatened at the idea of you reading other womens words… that's kind of fucked.
I wanted to delete it and make it more succinct, but I'll just add something.
I guess what I'm most scared of is that I'll grow distant from the only friend I have in this country, in exchange for a much better commute and better work life balance. I think right now our closeness is because we spend so much time together, if I left for most of the week we'd just be more casual friends I think. And its just so comfy to have someone supporting you, but for me it's at the cost of doing anything but working during the week.
He hadn’t actually seen anything until I showed him the Usagi thread, but he is aware of the culture and some cows. I asked him what specifically bothered him about it and he said it’s the “negativity” and “toxicity”. I then brought up his usage of boards and he said “I browsed /x/, /toy/ and /a/ so it’s very different.” I agree it’s different but all chans are full of wild characters and toxic
people. It kinda feels like veiled misogyny? Like it’s an issue because it’s women talking about other people in a brutally honest way? I explained that all the people we rip apart are treated like that for a reason, it’s not an anonymous burn book. He really didn’t budge on his stance and said my energy is better off being spent elsewhere.
>>158231 >said my energy is better off being spent elsewhere
It's not his decision where you spend your energy… it's also just a fucking website. Browsing the internet is energy wasting in general. Who cares? I do think he's BSing you to cover up the fact that it's an issue he has with women.
It's insulting that he doesn't trust you as a grown woman to be able to read 'toxic
' shit and make up your own mind on whether you agree with it. You're an adult with a functioning brain.
this makes me even angrier! there! tell him that! this "negative" and "toxic
" bitch is more concerned of the wellbeing of a complete stranger over the internet because she sees how manipulative, controlling and patronizing you are to her!
who THE FUCK does he thinks he is in order to tell you what you should spend your energy in? does he think you are so stupid that you cant even decide for yourself what you want to do with your time? negativity my ass! i've seen many women reaching out and being meet with good advice and words of encouragement, something that actually helps, unlike what he is trying to do with you.
sage for sperg but this situations really piss me off. i hope you stand up for yourself anon, cause this might seem like a minor disagreement and nothing really serious, but these are the little things that we let slide and start to undermine your self confidence and it can get very serious very fast without you even noticing it until is too late. stay safe anon!
Anon, be truthful with us.. is he a redditor?>>158208
If it's going to keep you sane, do it. Sometimes we just have to grasp at whatever we can to make situations bearable. It's important for you to have companionship or else it stops feeling as worth it.
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>into dramatic eyeliners ala egirl and nicki minaj style>mixed race>low brows>downturned eyes>extremely hooded eyes like on the border of being a monolid but not quite>eyebrow skin almost completely covers my lid when looking head on>that means absolutely no lid space to work with other than tightlining which i do very often>since i'm into jfashion i try following tutorials on asian eyes>works quite well but still no dramatic liner and lid makeup is still out of the question
god damn it, hooded eye anons how do you do it? i feel like i just got stuck with a very unfortunate eye shape combined with conflicting tastes. i see all these cool things people can do with their eyes and it makes me feel bitter.>pic related's downturned look closest to my eyes except the brows also turn down at the end>>158267
try slowly incorporating normie pieces in your grunge wardrobe, starting out with a brand new whole normie look is just going to make you feel strange. i am in this very process myself and this is how i cope. slowly but surely moving on from my graphic tees(not necessarily grunge but still) and general alt stuff. you'll look like a weird in-between for a while but i think it's kind of charming, you're fitting in but also incorporating bits of what you like.
have you seen the fox eyeliner technique? i have hooded eyes as well and i think it looks cool and very sexy >>158267
keep wearing whatever makes you happy anon! i've dressed alternative for most my life and my "normie phase" was horrible (i was around your age and had just gotten my bussiness degree, and i thought like you, that i should start "dressing more like an adult"… worst decision of my life and very missguided. ended up feeling like shit for a couple of years until i said fuck it! imma wear whatever makes me happy, and everyone else can suck it kek)
sage for blogposting, sorry mods dont smite me, please!
A friend of mine who's a bit of a NEET rn asks me to hang out, start new animes (that I don't like) and read manga together that I just don't have time for, and it sucks. I work full time and have a second job, and have a partner and other friends, but I seem to be one of her only people, if that makes sense. I love her, but she exhausts me before even seeing her sometimes, and I don't want to start resenting or feeling more annoyed by it because it's not really her fault. I've already tried being gently forward about not having time to read things together, only being able to hang out once, maaaybe twice a week, stuff like that, but she constantly asks anyways, and it stresses me out. I'm not sure where to go from here. Any advice?
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My dad got sectioned after a suicide attempt, will be institutionalized for at least a month but the doc said recovery might take up to six since he managed to do quite some damage.
We will have to file for bankrupcy of our small family business since he's the only who could still run that mess, and I can't get a job due to fucking covid (believe me i've been trying for months now), my life is genuinely in fucking shambles and I don't even know what do anymore, any advice on how to deal with this mess would be helpful.
I genuinely just want to walk in the woods and never be seen again, this is too much for a measly college student to deal with.
Anon, first off, I'm so sorry to hear that and I really hope that you can find peace after this. Dealing with a parent's suicide attempt is hell on earth, my dad tried the same and ended up in the ICU for awhile. You aren't alone in this pain.
Now, are you set up on any sort of gov assistance? (food benefits, cash assistance, etc.) I don't want to assume anything, are you a resident of the US? If so there's a few programs you can sign up for.
Im not on the US but things work similarly enough, Im not on any benefits because on paper we are still middle class, heck i live in a huge house in a fairly nice neighborhood (that we were selling even before my dad went bonkers but the market fucking sucks right now), all of our houses and cars (dad and mom are divorced for over 10 years but they are business partners) have been completely paid off a few years ago so they are pretty fancy, we have to sell off everything first before applying for benefits.
I genuinely feel like onision sitting in a mcmansion raking up debt.
Ah yeah, over all that how I've been handling it. It kinda works, but the stressful part is that even when I say no, I don't have time, etc, she still asks every day. I just…don't want to have to say no or worry about it all the time, I just wish she would stop constantly asking because even if I don't see her, that pressure seeps into the time we do spend together. It's one thing to say, "I can't, I'm tired, I need time to myself, I'm busy, etc," but another to say, "please stop asking me to hang out," ya know? At least it feels like it, but I might be overthinking. She also has BPD, which is fine, she manages it well and doesn't scare me or anything, I just don't want to hurt her feelings or for her to internalize anything that isn't true just because our brains function/interpret things differently.
I appreciate your advice a lot, though! It's nice to know that I'm on the right track, at least, really. Thank you anon ♥
We and the docs are suspecting bipolar because he's completely normal and fuctional until he has episode and decides to go to another city out of nowhere, doesn't answer our calls and etc, but he is an adult and didn't want to seek treatment and we couldn't section him unless he posed a threat to himself or someone else.>>158371
Thanks, im worrying mostly about my mom since she's the one having to carry that shit with the business, im also worried about school because well if we go fucking bankrupt I won't be able to pay for college anyore, seriously considering onlyfans tbh.
Eep, don't do OF, anon. It's not nearly as lucrative as people make it look at all, plus it can follow you in ways you don't realize. I know you've tried finding other work, but don't give up hope yet, Maybe you can take your family's business online partially, depending on what it is, or tutor online, something. Just, hopefully something else comes along before it comes to that. Totally understandable about worrying for your mom and school, though. Does your country have loans, grants, scholarships, or any other types of assistance, especially for students facing hard times like your family?
Maybe you could ask to be the one to set dates since you have the more demanding schedule? Then she can't ask all the time because you'll tell her when you're available. It doesnt make sense for her to ask every day because she knows you're busy, it's probably an anxiety thing that she's not managing. If you still actually want to hang out then you can honestly tell her you have time for her, but you'll have to be the one to tell her when that is.
>I just don't want to hurt her feelings
This might be inevitable anon I'm sorry, esp with the BPD. Doing the best thing for yourself is the right option, if she's hurt by that then she's going to deal with it however she's going to deal with it.
Am I an aspie or was I just displaying symptoms from being abused as a kid?
I grew up with some symptoms like excessive pickiness for foods, only doing my hair a certain way, and only occasionally wearing it another way, keeping to myself somewhat, and keeping a rigid routine. However, I was sociable at school but withdrawn at home, and I was afraid to stray from my routine because I thought my teacher and my mom would get angry at me. In my pre-teen years, and a little after I got diagnosed with Aspergers, I was molested. However, the psychologist who diagnosed me did not know about any of the abuse occurring. I also became very socially withdrawn and presented a lot of symptoms, like not maintaining eye-contact difficulty in making friends, and only wearing baggy/oversized clothing.
Basically, I have a lot of little experiences as a child that could explain why I reacted the way I did. One of my mom's ex-boyfriends force-fed me foods as a child, and my mom would try to make me eat cheap and low-quality frozen foods (she didn't cook well), so this could explain the pickiness, my mom neglected me somewhat as a child, so she never cared to teach me how to do my hair in different ways, or even how to tie my shoes, I wore baggy clothing because I didn't want any guys to perv on me, etc.. I really want to know if I'm just "masking" my symptoms, or if it was all a manifestation of the things I went through. I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic, but I still have my doubts.
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My face is almost square too, not really square but a weird blocky shape anyway. I have side bangs and I like them because they hide how wide my face is. Like in this image. I can't find any better images but you can do it with long hair too, it doesn't have to be shorter like that, it doesn't matter; it just matters that you keep some hair over your cheeks like that, and you can style it however you want. At least, that's what works for me.
said, face framing hair styles will help. Contouring can too, if you're comfortable with it. I have a square/heart face too even though I'm pretty slim, and these things help my face look more proportional imo.
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Does anyone else deal with anxiety/depression headaches?
They are constantly dull but occasionally I feel a squirming/pulsing-like jolt.
I don't have a prescription or take OTC medication right now. If anyone here has advice for OTC meds, I'll try it.
Does anyone else deal with something like this?
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Are you sure it's not a skin tag? If it's not itchy or painful then it could be a skin tag. It's basically skin that got popped out when you had a really bad shit one day. I suffered an anal fissure years ago from a bout of food poisoning, and I've had an anal tag ever since. https://www.healthline.com/health/skin-disorders/anal-skin-tag#prevention
And basically they never go away on their own, if they're benign then your doctor won't really do anything about it. Maybe if you complain that they're 'itchy' that might motivate your doctor to remove them. But the only way to get rid of them is removal.
This is basic and annoying but make sure you’re hydrated and that you’re hitting your nutritional macros.
Are you sleeping ok?
yeah i sleep a lot
been sleeping more because of the headaches but i'm trying to keep busy so i don't sleep more than 9 hours now since it's making me even more tired lol
sounds like something i’d call “anxiety.” i take psych medication and avoid caffeine. meditation, exercise, and regular exposure to the source of your anxiety also help. i had intense social and public speaking anxiety that i dealt with using all these methods and is pretty well controlled now.
if it’s deeper-rooted, what is the main source of your fear? many little fears can stem from an overarching fear of rejection, for example, or fear of the unknown. you could untangle this with introspection or therapy. knowing that you don’t want to be afraid anymore is a major first step.
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How can I develop a sense of rhythm and grace? I've literally never encountered anybody as ungraceful and awkward as myself and it honestly makes me feel like less of a woman. It doesn't bother me too much in day-to-day life, but I want to be able to move with a semblance of rhythm during intimacy. Nothing crazy, just the ability to look hot for 10 seconds while disrobing. Graceful anons, pls spare some practical tips for a woman with less rhythm than the girl in the gif. Do I focus on my hips? Keep count in my head? Sacrifice my first-born?
Sorry anon but that gif made me laugh so much
I am the same though I am very awkward in every way
>>159978> Sacrifice my first-born?
you probably wont like my answer but it's the best i can do. PRACTICE! put some music on and practice (either in front of a mirror or start without a mirror until you dont feel so self conscious) and even if you dont improve your gracefulness, getting used to dance and feeling sexy will improve your confidence, which is a million times more important than rythm, imo. god luck, anon!
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>>160123>stop doing everything in this image>get therapy>do something like get a job or join a club to make at least one friend
You can make it from here
Time to look at therapists nonnie
. You just experienced something that can be traumatic and you need some guidance.
>>160152 >I regret having this abortion because at least I wouldn't feel so lonely anymore with a child.
That's a common emotional response afterwards but looking at it logically you obviously had enough doubts if you went through with the abortion. The alternative is a twenty year commitment where you are responsible for how a person turns out, if in doubt don't sign up to that insane responsibility. We have to live our whole lives with that same foundation our parents built for us.. get that wrong and you'll instead have a retirement full of those regrets. No woman should have to beat herself up for making that tough choice.
Did the clinic you went to give you any links to follow up services?
Why did you choose to terminate and did the father agree or just go along with it?
PP should have warned you and your partner of the physiological and psychological effects and prepared you for these feelings.
Yes you need to go to counselling/therapy. Marriage sounds likes its done - without more to the story - he clearly didnt want this to go like it did. this is amplifying your emotions, did you discuss it with your husband first?
Hi anon. I was in the same boat as you, I felt really terrible about my abortion afterwards, but in hindsight it was less about the actual termination and more to do with the people around me and the way they treated me in that time. Not taking my feelings seriously, being really unsupportive, acting like it didn't even happen basically as soon as I got back from the hospital.
Please talk to a doctor and get referred for some specialist therapy. I needed anti-depressants to boost my mood for a bit and that really helped get me back on track. Time does heal, but you need to prioritise yourself and honestly if your partner is not sympathetic to what you've been through and is even going out of his way to make it worse, then you should have a serious talk with him to see if he's willing to change his shitty, selfish behaviour. If not, well… put yourself first. You're going through a hard fucking time.
>>160182>That friend I had continued to fuck and hang out with the girl who aborted the kid for like 6 months and it just wrecked him even more emotionally.>>160188>Now that poor man who was going to have a kid with his lovely wife had it killed.
Yeah I'm sure women like OP have abortions for funsies so poor widdle men like her husband get to feel sorry for themselves.
Women have every right to abort even if a pregnancy is something they initially wanted. It does take being pregnant to truly comprehend the lifetime changes, dangers, and risk of death. You don't have to go through with something just because you thought it might have been good for you at the start.
I say OP's marriage is over because her husband is being an unsupportive pouty toddler who didn't get his way when anon is obviously struggling. Funny how so many men are far from "emotional wrecks" and in fact turn out to be unapologetic deadbeats about their kids when women make the mistake of going through with it. Almost like there's a benefit to them of someone else birthing and raising their progeny at all costs, and get big mad when there's a stymie like abortion to that end.
>>160197>Yeah I'm sure women like OP have abortions for funsies so poor widdle men like her husband get to feel sorry for themselves.
Are you sociopathic? Are the opposite side of the relationship not allowed to be emotional invested? Also that isn't what I was implying at all, it was a theoretical example of what the situation COULD be. Reread my post.
>unsupportive pouty toddler who didn't get his way when anon is obviously strugglingHes probably struggling too, they are married for Christ sake. Both of their feelings matter in this situation. I'm sure anon and her husband politically support abortions but just because you support it politically doesn't mean anything when you're personally and emotionally in that situation. Speaking for myself I support abortions but could never have one myself, and I'm sure lots of women feel similarly. Abortions are a lot more complicated than feminist college courses make them out to be and not everyone is going to be able to emotional detach and say "well you know what its her/my right..", especially when its happening to you and your potential kid. Its easy to sit there and say he shouldn't be a pouty toddler or whatever but we're not involved in their relationship and its obvious BOTH of them are hurting and they should go figure it out with therapy/couples counseling. Of course women have the right to choose but that doesn't exempt people from having emotional responses to it when its PERSONALLY AFFECTING THEM.
>Funny how so many men are far from "emotional wrecks" and in fact turn out to be unapologetic deadbeats about their kids when women make the mistake of going through with it. Almost like there's a benefit to them of someone else birthing and raising their progeny at all costs, and get big mad when there's a stymie like abortion to that end.
This thread is being derailed quick, someone do something before it turns into an abortion debate.
It doesn't take a scientist to see how women are both physiologically and emotionally more invested in an abortion than a man can and ever will be.
Sorry you feel differently but her feelings objectively matter more as she is the party most affected, husband needs to pucker up and support his wife and save his selfish (yes, SELFISH) feelings for a therapist.
Also me talking about common male behaviors based on data is not a "projection."
NTAYRT but got to love how this is a female board where a woman came here for support, when we didn't quite have enough details to fully judge the situation someone starts to make up theoretical ways in which the man could've been fucked over in this situation….really reaching for any possibility that the op had been somehow begging for a child only to abort it??? A disgusting 'what if' scenario to start making up when she wanted support. Couldn't just sympathise for now and wait for more details.
If OP doesn't come back to this conversation, I don't blame her. We're really here crying for a man who'll never read the conversation. While shitting on the already distraught woman who will read it!
You're here calling people sociopathic…. and then talking about whether or not YOU would ever get an abortion…shut up already. You are turning someone elses real abortion pain into a discussion of men rights and what YOU would do. Unreal.
Anon, I'm so sorry that you're suffering. I just want to say that you did the right thing. Having a child should be something you choose to do with full awareness of the huge responsibilities that come with it, knowing you will be putting yourself second to another person for many decades and perhaps the rest of your life. Yet it should still be done with a sense of awareness and joy. Bringing a new life into the world because you want "something to do" and so that you don't feel lonely are not good reasons. I'm sure you understand that and wouldn't want your baby to basically serve as an emotional support animal. It's also not that simple, in that children require immense amounts of care and attention. Right now you 100% should be prioritizing yourself because you are clearly not in a good place. You need to develop self confidence and activities that fulfill you well before you even remotely consider having a kid, if that's something you even decide to do - you may find it's not the right choice for you.
Therapy is an excellent idea and I hope you go through with it. You are not a murderer; the child was not born yet. You deserve happiness and love, from others and most importantly from yourself. Please care for yourself over everything else right now.
I replied ealier but I just wanted to say that I hope you're not affected by some of the less empathetic responses you've got.
It's a tough decision and you're not alone in feeling some regret this soon afterwards. That doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. That means you need time to grieve and you need support. I hope you can reach out to a service that deals with this and that regardless of how things turn out relationship wise that there is someone in your life who'll lend you a shoulder during all this.
There's a very real possibility that after I lose my job that I may be evicted. So far I haven't had any luck with my job applications. At best, if I can struggle to put together money to pay the rent, I won't be able to afford living anyplace else once my lease is up. They won't renew if I don't make 2-3x rent in income. I'll be lucky if I don't get my car repossessed.
My boyfriend, who I've only been dating for a few months, has proven to be broke as a joke. He's a good and considerate soul, hasn't mistreated me once and spends every spare moment with me. But he can't help me in a real way due to his lack of money. At most he offered to help pay a credit bill but that won't save my ass. He's stuck in a lease that's longer than mine so I won't be able to move in with him. His roommate is a cunt and told us straight to our faces I'm not allowed to spend nights there and there's nothing that can be negotiated about it. Tbh even if it was miraculously allowed I wouldn't want to do it because I think the roommate is a really mean person and would find things to have a problem about.
I don't have family to rely on, it's a huge can of worms that would take an entire separate paragraph to explain. In short–boyfriend is offering that I can stay with his elderly parents who I haven't met yet. I'm due to meet them during Thanksgiving. His mother has severe Alzheimer's, and his father is an old school boomer stereotype who doesn't cook, clean, and needs help with caring for his sick wife.
In no certain terms, I'd be a live-in nanny maid. But bear in mind, they have no idea their son is offering me their house and who knows if the father would even accept that arrangement. I have my own concerns.
Is this a fair situation or a really bad deal? If I could manage to find work in their area, the idea of not paying rent seems great to me but I don't know these people. I have no idea what it's like to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. Even though I can cook and clean, it doesn't mean I'd meet his father's expectations and I don't know what the consequences would be if I displeased him enough. Obviously I'll wait until after I meet them to cast judgment but what if we don't like each other? What if his mother is confused by me? I'd feel like I'd have to wear a mask and put on an act 24/7 and I'm not sure I could take that pressure. I feel like this could go either pretty fairly, or very poorly. I'm so desperate though that I'm considering it an option for now. Bf also stated a preference of moving in as well because he doesn't want to pay rent after his lease ends either. So I guess we'd be that couple living in with and taking care of his aging parents? I don't know. I need help.
i'm sorry about your situation, anon. it's really difficult when there are no better alternatives, but i think this is a really worrying situation and there are a lot of ifs. caring for someone with alzeimers is no joke and you would have zero separation from duties and home. it goes without saying but if you can help it, it's good to avoid living situations where someone can use the threat of homelessness etc. as leverage against you/to control you. i don't want to assume the worst of anybody you're close with but it seems like a recipe for abuse and stress with the wrong people in charge.
if you have no other option and it becomes a potential lifeline, please make sure you make some kind of written/formal agreement on what you're expected to do and what you're not expected to do and live by it. always be looking for a way to leave the situation if you can.
wishing the best for you anon, take good care of yourself.
Don't go to therapy, anon. If you're already strapped for cash, then you'll be doubly fucked over by the industry. They profit upon return customers, meaning they have absolutely no incentive to help you. Plus, if you say the wrong thing (admit suicidal thoughts, self harm, etc.) they'll throw you in a hospital against your will and STILL make you pay.
My advice is to learn as much as you possibly can on your own. Do independent research about your symptoms. Seek out support groups for various conditions to see if you can relate to the other members. Look into as many different diagnoses as possible and try to be objective as you narrow it down. Keep a diary to track your moods and behaviours. Reflect on the awful shit that happened to you that makes you act the way you do now. Sometimes it's hard to know what you're doing wrong unless someone else points it out to you, and that's where friends can be very useful.
Granted, this approach requires a lot of time, energy, and unflinching self criticism. It will be difficult. But it's better than paying out the ass to tell a stranger your secrets, get hooked on prescription poison, and constantly risk imprisonment in a psych hospital.
I've cut off my narcissistic (in my therapist's opinion) mother and blocked her number a few months ago, but been feeling increasingly guilty about it given the virus situation and want to call her but I have no idea what to say. I KNOW we're never going to have a normal mother-daughter relationship, so a part of me is like why try?? But at the same time there is a part of her that is caring and kind, I think. It is true that emotionally she neglected me but physically she always made sure that I had clothes to wear and enough to eat.
I even understand the need on her part to make me dependent on her - she is just afraid of being alone. But she doesn't understand me and doesn't want to. I never felt like I could share anything with her - when I shared with her that I have suicidal feelings, she accused me of trying to manipulate her even though I just wanted to share my feelings with her. When I decided not to get a master's degree and started to get work so I could be independent, she told me that her friends were shocked and disappointed about this and made me feel guilty. When I got a job against her wishes, she constantly told me stories about how employers like to fire young employees after the trial period which gave me massive anxiety. When I was younger, she always compared me to my best friend and noted that 'I was intelligent, but not on my best friends' level', and later as I grew, the comparisons' stayed and evolved - her biggets pain was that I wasn'earning as much as my cousin, or not driving a car as fancy as her friend's dadaughter, or that I don't work at UN or some other prestigious place as her friends other daughter does. I've never been good enough for her. I also learned that I cannot share anything private with her, because she is going to criticize me anyway, so before I koved out, we mostly just discussed emotionally distant topics like news and politics.
The strange part is, even though I haven't talked to her in quite a long time, I still feel dependant on her and feel like my feelings of self worth depend on her opinion. That is my main reason why I haven't called her. I can't not internalize her narrative of me as the failed, ungrateful, mentally ill, socially retarded daughter who failed her mother. But she is my mother after all, she raised me, and I think about her and our relationship all the time.
I recently unblocked her number and got messages from her listing all her friends who got sick and she also mentioned that she might have lung cancer because they found a shadow on one of her lungs during a radiography which made me feel even more guilty than usual.
What should I do, anons? I don't know what to tell her…I feel like I already proved myself as an unworthy daughter and after cutting her of she is not going to be very welcoming. Sorry for the reddit spacing btw - I just can't imagine a mass of text being readable at all.
>>160388>but physically she always made sure that I had clothes to wear and enough to eat
Anon when you start to see this as a regular obligation of parenting and the minimum of what a parent needs to do, it isn't that special. Anything short would have been neglect.
If your mom was anything like mine, then she guilt tripped you growing up by throwing it in your face that "at least she didn't beat you" or starve you, or didn't give you anything–because convincing you that you are in debt to them is how they can distract away from their emotional abuses. It's a slight of hand, a psychological parlor trick. And it works, and even convinces outsiders that your narc has treated you well like other parents because people are superficial and judge accordingly. You see it for the manipulation that it is. >I can't not internalize her narrative of me as the failed, ungrateful, mentally ill, socially retarded daughter who failed her mother.
All according to plan. She's made you emotionally co-dependent on her validation long after you've separated yourself from her.
Narcs don't change. You can try to rekindle the relationship and there just might be a honeymoon phase that will temporarily alleviate your guilt. Things may seem good, normal even. Yet all this does is empower the narcissist with the belief that they were in the right all along. Cause you'll be back. Eventually they will fall back into old cycles the same as before. Just because you distanced doesn't mean she acknowledged any respect for you or will now magically recognize boundaries.
I really don't know what it's like to try to reconcile a relationship with a narcissist, but I personally wouldn't do it if you're not dealing with the routine anxiety and depression that comes from trying to be with one.
I agree with this anon >>160408
It's pretty telling that the moment you unblocked her number, she started guilt tripping you. She hasn't changed and never will. It seems like you really want closure, understandably so, considering the hell she put you through to make you consider food and clothes as an example of great parenting. Unfortunately, I don't think it's ever gonna happen. Listen to your therapist on this one.
What are the long term negative effects of cutting off a parent who brings anxiety, stress, and drama into one's life?
Or did you mean as a source of money and support when it's convenient? Because a person's utility is the only thing left to consider when that person demonstrates that they cannot treat others right, and sometimes that utility doesn't even really make up for putting up with their bullshit.
Not to mention some people have a bit more integrity than keeping fake relationships around for intermittent bits of peace. Saying there is anything negative about kicking people who treat you bad to the curb sounds more like a threat than a warning.
>>160438>you should imo try to establish strategies to handle her
Anon, it's not fair for the victim
in the situation to have to establish strategies for the abuser. The abuser should be the one doing that, and improving themselves as well.
Not her but I think it is useful for victims
to develop strategies to detect and handle narcissism because the fact of the matter is if they were raised by one, then they likely have the groomed behaviors that will make them detectable targets for other narcissists to pick up on. Friends, partners, bosses, you name it.
Although I agree 100% that no one should feel obliged to entertain a narc. >>160456
We get what you mean but that does not serve as justification as to why the victim
should have the extra onus to suck up and deal with the narc. That only benefits the narc, unless the narc's utility is so useful that it temporarily outweighs their bullshit.
I'm not sure if you're the anon I was replying to, but I thought you specified in your advice that a victim
would be perfectly fine in cutting off a person with sociopathic intentions (i.e. murderers), which I agree with completely. >>160457
I agree with you, anon. I just thought that the victim
shouldn't be the one to have to make strategies/plans for their abuser to be a better person, the abuser should be the one to do it. Going through abuse is hard enough as is, and even by helping you might slip back into the cycle if you've been groomed enough.
I don't see the harm in having discussions about the advice. It can be productive to whoever asked the question, as long as it doesn't turn into a sperg/slapfight.
Tbh I wish anons would have a back and forth about my issues sometimes when I post, but my issues aren't that compelling probably.
Check out the site Ovarit anon, they link a lot of good articles. The image board Asherah’s Garden is mostly dead but also has some good links out to radfem material. The FDS sub on Reddit can get a little over the top but it also helps women have standards when it comes to partner selection. As a nearly 30-year-old (sadly), I also ended up realizing I was heavily indoctrinated against my own sex and I didn’t even spend time in super misogynistic places like 4chan. It’s pretty shocking and painful when you realize how deep it all runs. I’m assuming you’re probably in a more “woke” country, and even those have many problems, but it’s insane to realize that child marriage, using women as property, forcing them into poverty and brothels at a young age, restricting abortion rights so women are forced to potentially destroy their bodies, dedicate their lives to an unwanted children and/or remain linked to abusive
men forever, are still all normal in the majority of the world’s societies and always have been. This is all true right now
. We have literally been considered and treated as second class citizens at best, and chattel at worst, for all of recorded history. How could we not have a full metric fuckton of harmful indoctrination to overcome? I wish you the best and hope you’ll give yourself a chance to see the light. Our world makes it a real process.
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I am just going to sum up what I just wrote in my journal, what I vented to my friends and what my therapist know. Back in 2018,i was at the psychiatrist hospital, most people were friendly with me until a girl that was just like me but better (a dude said : hey look it's anon but better!) and since this day I always feel like I'm in a competition with other girls. Why can't I be skinny like the other girls, why can't I be pretty, bright, interesting like the other girls. Why did I get bullied for more than ten years and these people have no regret today. Why can't I fit in my clothes anymoret, i started to work out but my hospital forbids me to go to the gym and only allows me to run 30 minutes a day since they know I'm in a bad phase. I hate the fact that my mental illness makes it so i must enjoy my "sane" time while it lasts and then I must just live my "insane" time and carry on. I just want to end it all, I need a shoulder to cry on but I have none. Why? Because my mom or brother aren't therapist, and my therapist won't see more more than a hour a week. How about my psychiatrist? He scolds me, telling me I'm never changing, telling me I should do more efforts or else he'll send me to a stricter hospital. I'm tired, anons. I have nothing to hurt myself with and windows are blocked. I don't wear my life but it's life trying to wear me. Wherever I go I don't feel like I'm at my place so—How can I accept myself as I am? My BMI is 24.5, I'm doing sport, I'm average at school stuff, I have a few hobbies and I don't really have friends. However I have a loving boyfriend but I'm just afraid he leaves me because of my insecurities. At this point, medication and therapy aren't enough. I'm hopeless
I am really not experienced or educated to help you, but it sounds from what you say that the only thing missing is, as you said, someone to talk to. It would be best if you could make friends offline but if you can't you could try talking to someone online. There is a friend finder thread on this board I think. Or if you want I could talk to you over email but I am quite busy. What sort of hobbies do you have? Usually you could find friends through hobbies if you can't find any in school. For example if you like painting join an art class (but it will cost of course).
When I have friends I'm not so focused on myself, I don't think about who I am, what my faults are etc. I just sort of forget it because I have other people to think about. When I didn't have many friends in highschool I was just always insecure and thinking about what sort of person I should become as if I wasn'tgood enough as is.
I am already in an atelier >>160577
, but the people here aren't serious, I hope I'll be able to find another and more serious atelier next year in order to make some more real friends. For now, my only offline friends are some people at my current hospital and my boyfriend but I'm too shy to vent to them
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Is it entitled for me to be upset over this?
Mom and I are having to unexpectedly move out due to my dad's narc rage getting a million times worse during the pandemic. Family friends have graciously allowed us to stay at their home they've been renting out while in another city for the husband's work. Problem is, someone else is already living there-but only part time. From what I've gathered it's a kid my age who works in another town a five days out of the week and comes up on the weekend to visit his mom. He also has the entire week of Thanksgiving off so now my mom and I have to delay our move again.
I know he was there first but my mom and I are trying to escape a really stressful situation and are basically having to give up everything we know. I don't really understand why he can't just stay with his mom, as I don't think he even pays rent; just looks over the property a few days a week which my mom and I will be taking over anyways. He has the week of Thanksgiving off and of course has to spend it up here so our move is getting delayed again, as well as the fact that we'll have to leave again in December because his brother is coming back from the Army. I'm going to be sleeping on an air mattress despite there being an empty bed five nights out of the week because I don't want to get in his way. I need to avoid him while he's here because I have no idea where he's been and if I catch COVID I could lose my brand new job.
I'm so tired anons and I just want to not live in constant stress and anxiety anymore.
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Of course it's reasonable to be upset. But it's not reasonable to expect him to not come to that property. Sure, it would be very nice of him to do that, but you have no more claim to it than him. Have you talked to him about your situation? Maybe it hasn't even occured to him that his presence is a burden to you. Men are stupid like that. Anyway I am sorry I hope your situation gets better>>160624
I'm so happy for you. Good luck anon
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I'm (hopefully) going back to school next fall and it's starting to hit me that I haven't had an actual friendship since I graduated hs in 2018. Those friendships only existed because of proximity or my desire to not be a loser tho so idk if they really count. I'd say I'm decent when it comes to talking to people in real life but I've completely forgetten how to establish relationships. I also have no fucking clue how to make friends online. I hold a conversation with someone irl, but I can't even get people to talk to me online. One of the reasons I keep coming back to lolcow is because when I post here I actually get a response, it makes me feel like I'm not totally invisible. I know online friendships don't matter as much in the long run and I should probably just wait until next year, but I'm lonely and I realized how creepy my social media accounts look with no friends. I feel like I'm missing out on a part of the modern human experience. Any advice?
When I met my bf, he was best friends with a girl from work. I met her looking forward to getting to know her- and he told me that she HATED me instantly. I was so shocked, I never experienced that with another grown woman before.
It got to the point where she was constantly talking shit on me so I said, "Sorry you're going to have to choose because this girl is going to cause problems in our relationship." So they stopped talking.
Months ago it came out that my bf was in "deeply in love" with a coworker before he met me. I asked him directly if it was the ex-best friend. He would deny it a little too adamantly to the point where I strongly suspected it was her.
I always found that he was being unforthcoming with me when I've tried finding out what happened, though, and I hated how secretive their friendship seemed to be. So today I saw the opportunity and finally snooped on their old convos. I found out:
>She never hated me, she was trying to figure out how to be my friend and found the whole thing really immature/bizarre.
>He told her that I hated her. I never said that. I was always just super confused and said I didn't like her for being so catty towards me.
>He told her to never talk to me or even say hi if she saw me around town (Wtf? Like word for word: don't talk to her. Ok.)
>He told her I was being crazy and telling her to block him and that he could never see her to talk to her again (this was BEFORE I ever gave an ultimatum)
I ended up messaging her and apologizing for anything he might have said. I didn't want this fake ass drama between us that he created to come back somehow down the raod.
She said she never hated me. But she was sad because he hadn't reached out in months, so at least he was being honest about that.
I'm a little confused about what to do about the relationship now. We had a confrontation about it. He did finally own up to being in love with her, except he said he doesn't think he actually loved her. It was more a fantasy after being single for so long, and then he didn't know what to do once he was stuck between me and her.
His opinion is that the only thing he did wrong was not cutting her out of his life earlier (???) so anyway, I'm just so confused. What the hell is this? I do love him, and I completely understand having some messy/complicated friendships when you start a new relationship. This went on for about 6 months of our relationship, though, and while they haven't talked to each other in a long time, there were times when he was talking to her after he told me they had stopped (the last time they spoke was 4 months ago)
I was painted as a psycho who wanted to hack his phone and watch his every move the whole time- which is sooooo far from the truth it's not even funny. I was so chill about this whole thing even when he tried to make it seem like the issue was jealousy like… it wasn't at all, I've never had a problem with a guy having girl friends as long as I was friends with them too and they were respectful of boundaries. I just didn't need his best friend shit talking me the whole time.
I'm seriously so confused though. It seems like I should move the fuck on but even she was like, "He's a great guy, I hope things work out for you two."
But the amount of headfuckery is just beyond anything I've experienced and I've been a middle school girl, so I know how it can be.
>>160960>"deeply in love" with a coworker yet gets a gf anyway, denies it>tells friends you're "being crazy">tells both of you the other girl hates them>denies everything and still doesn't think he was in the wrong>paints you as a manipulative psycho
Why are you with him again? Even if you were going to "hack his phone and watch his move the whole time" you clearly have reason to.
Dump and go for coffee with the girl. Tell her something nasty about him in return.
Oh my god anon, you should run away and never look back. This guy has shown you early on that he is a liar. Let me repeat that: He is a liar. And he saw no problem with manipulating you and the other girl, the only reason he's remorseful is because he got caught. You've had to resort to snooping on his phone already just to find out the simple truth! Are trust and honesty not a pivotal foundation of relationships to you? If not, why on earth not?? Just because the other woman is being chill doesn't mean what he did wasn't extraordinarily manipulative and fucked up. I'm sure her head is still spinning too from being played like this.
God, sadly I was like you before. My emotionally abusive
ex lied about little things early on and I figured hey, he seems great otherwise I'm sure it's just new relationship jitters and it'll never happen again. "No big deal!" Let's just say him lying became the cornerstone of our relationship despite me telling him how much I valued honesty and I found hundreds of pictures of porn of his exes and strangers on his computer months later (he said he'd only been with three people sexually in his life). Do not take this lightly. This is serious. He feels entitled to manipulate you and control your image of him based on lies, and he will do it again. It will only get worse, this is not normal.
If you stay with this pathetic cock, then enjoy your emotional manipulation and cooked-up love triangles for his amusement for the rest of your life.
How could you continue to love someone who disrespects you enough to lie and triangulate you like this? Then paint your valid
feelings as psychosis? He'll only be trouble.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
Simply put, if you stay you are telling him that it’s okay to lie to you, use you however he wants and then blame you for his gross behavior. You are telling him you don’t mind him playing with other women’s earnest feelings and your own for his own amusement. That even when he gets caught, even when you have piles of evidence proving his guilt, you’ll still let him make himself out to be the good guy. Why would you do that? That’s a straight trip to hell, er, eternal emotional abuse if I ever saw one.
Methinks you’re in the grips of some strong self esteem issues if you’re looking to justify this rather than dump him on the curb. It’s okay, a lot of us have been there. This isn’t a red flag, it’s a blatant dagger in the back. You have the benefit of several warnings. Please listen to them and don’t make the same mistakes some of us did thinking our scrote would be the only truly remorseful one. And take a good hard look at why you thought you should’ve allowed yourself to be treated like this. I’m serious, if it’s caused you that much confusion then you need to improve your level of self love a LOT before even considering dating.
He painted each one of you as crazy hateful bitches because he does not want you to compare notes on him. Men do this with exes sometimes..they tell you she's psycho so that you don't end up talking to her and finding out about cheating or legitimate abuse between them or even them thinking about getting back together. The list goes on but it basically gives them the option to cheat and then say "I only did it because she's such a bitch she drives me to it"
He's a liar, you'll never be able to trust a word he says. He does not have your best interest at heart here, no matter how sweet he might act to get you back…he happily labels women as psychos because he hasn't the slightest bit of respect for any woman he's messing with. All that triangulation and him trying to ruin your character is absolutely abuse btw. It's one of the lesser known forms of abuse but men like that are dangerous and you won't win any prizes for staying with them. Move on.
Sis I am so glad to hear that pissbaby is your ex now.
I do like to think such men do get their karma, preferably in the form of a woman who will make them feel exactly what he put the ones before her through.
its been happening to me too recently, i started saying "please leave me alone" and i carry pepper spray on me.
any guy that tries to chat me up randomly on the street already gets the creep stamp, you just know he has done this countless times
Don't worry about their feelings or being presumptuous sis. You need to be really blunt and direct with these fuckers. They know
you are being dismissive, they can tell you're uncomfortable too, men are far more perceptive than the world likes to pretend. They just don't care and feel it's their right to push their luck, especially because we're trained to be mild and polite. Do not give them any thoughtful explanations, just state what you want and get away from them. As others have said, carry some form of protection. Get loud so if there are others around you they take notice. Other people may or may not help, the point is to make them as uncomfortable and nervous as they're making you. In a loud voice: "I don't know you and you're making me uncomfortable. I want you to leave me alone. (Keep repeating.)/I've stated I want you to leave me alone and you're refusing, I feel threatened. I will be calling the police if you don't leave now." Etc.
"i don't give my number out, sorry"
"i had an issue with a stalker. had to take him to court and everything."
i've never had the guts to do this but i've always wanted to try giving an excuse like that
really good that you are thinking about this right now, ways to cope and such. far better than throwing yourself into a pit of distraction, scrote related or other.
right now you are in a time where negative emotions and self blame for leaving him etc will come up, it doesnt matter if those emotions are valid
or not and how much you can rationalize against them, they will come in waves anyway.
the best way to deal with this is whenever those emotions come up, is to accept that they are there and not hide or brush them aside.
you made a choice, and the feelings will stay till time will take their power away.
you did not have control over the things he did, and you shouldnt feel disgusted towards yourself. but if you do, thats alright as well, if your ego feels the need to feel disgust, so be it.
the more you do this, the more you embrace those emotions, you rob their power bit by bit.
eventually you will come to a point where you think back about the whole situation objectively and will feel nothing. at that point those emotions got digested and exited your body so many times that it will not phase you.
if you feel the need to cry, cry. if you feel the need to feel anger, be angry. just take a step back, imagine the emotions within you and observe them.
negative feelings might feel like tsunamis that you are running away from but the second you turn around and face them they are ants
it will be difficult yes, facing your true raw emotions is never easy, but you will learn a lot from this situation about yourself and others.
i am proud of you nonny
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response anon, this is great advice and really helpful. I'm going to save it so I can use it to remind myself that my emotions don't have to define me and they're a normal part of the healing process. Even if they can feel overwhelming sometimes, I don't have to be carried away. I really appreciate you taking the time to be there for me. ♥
Looking forward to that day when I'm beyond it all.
Thoughts like this are normal to an extent. Society says we’re supposed to grow up, get a job, get a man then settle down and have babies. If you don’t follow that plan or you do want it but you don’t have it organized perfectly by like 25, we’re supposedly fucked. But it’s not realistic or healthy to think that at all. Don’t let yourself fall for the false narrative. Similarly I think that while you seem to have a fairly positive outlook, you’re still giving priority to finding a relationship when it shouldn’t be such a defining factor in your self worth. To choose to be with someone they should add an immense amount of value to your life - right now you have the freedom to do what you want, when you want. You get to spend your money on you, make decisions without having to weigh anyone else’s opinion and are responsible only for yourself. There are a lot of great things about being single, and to give some of that value up, you’d better be getting a ton of benefits in exchange.
As such, during dates you are interviewing the guys. “What’s wrong with me?” should never even remotely play into it, it should be, “What’s potentially wrong (or right) about them?” They ghost you after the first date? Okay, means they’re a flake, just looking for a quick lay, not serious, immature, inconsiderate, etc. All qualities you wouldn’t remotely want in a partner. Be relieved they disqualified themselves so quickly so you don’t have to find out they’re shit after months of wasted time instead. The majority of people in the world, in general, are a mess of anxieties, neuroses and self-absorbed desires and not ready to be in real healthy relationships whatsoever. Their bad behavior reflects poorly on themselves, not you. I won’t say to stop dating necessarily, but you should only engage in it if you’re truly at a point where it’s a passing amusement for you. Expect the lowest common denominator because that’s what most men are, vet them heavily before ever meeting them, and be pleasantly surprised if someone is actually a worthwhile person who steps up to the plate. But if every instance of ghosting or carelessness on their part is chipping away at your hard-earned self confidence, then I think it’s probably time to take a step back and love yourself more first before trying to decide if another person is worthy of that love too.
I can’t really offer much advice anon but I can tell you that you’re not alone. I’ve struggled with this a lot.
I dunno if this will help but the next time it happens write down what you were thinking and how it made you feel, then try and find the evidence to prove it - if you end up with I think or I feel answers it will confirm that it was an intrusive thought.
Sounds kinda stupid but the more I did this it helped. Positive affirmations and keeping busy helped me too.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, and also give your friends and family some credit, if I had a problem with a friend I’d say something to them so expect yours to do the same!
Wanted to give an update to this fwiw, if not to show that sometimes things turn out ok.
Well, first good news is saying that I have a new job. So, hurrah, employment! I won't be doomed money-wise for now.
Secondly, I did meet bf's parents at Thanksgiving and they did seem like very sweet people. They're not super wealthy but definitely upper middle class. They have a very big house and while it did have some clutter, I can describe it as "old person" clutter. Like having one too many food provisions in the pantry, a few dead plants, numerous electronics, full shelves, etc. It wasn't filthy if not just in need of some dusting and organizing. Like if I had to live there I wouldn't mind it. Bf made it sound like they were hoarders.
I was able to win over his old-school boomer dad by flexing the fact that I drove a nice car (bf's ex didn't drive) and gave off airs that I was ambitious cause I talked about my job interviews and all the domestic stuff I do.
Bf completely exaggerated his mother's condition. Indeed she has some advanced dementia but she wasn't some feeble and neurotic hag. She was a sweet elder woman who I could tell just needed some attention and affection. Obviously she does misremember a lot but she can hold a decent conversation, she just asked me a lot what my name was again, where I was from, etc. It was kinda cute. More importantly she took the news of my bf not being with his ex anymore very excitedly, I guess she hated his ex and had the funniest shit talk about her. Both his parents seemed happy for us. She gave me three big hugs before we left.
Even bf said it went really well.
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I just want to hop in, and give some advices to most of you farmers. I'll talk from experiences mostly,so please take my advices with a grain of salt.
Don't see your therapist too often,even when you're on a crisis.
> what can I do when I'm on a crisis then ?
You can go back and live with your parents, or a trusted person if you feel like you can put yourself in danger. But to prevent any crisis, you should write a journal, be it typed or written, even both, not to rant about useless things, but analyze all of your problems and find its root. For me, it was the fact I don't respect andaaccept myself, so I suffered with BPD and anxio-depression disorder.
> I have medications, lots of them, to deal with mental illnesses, what can I do?
You shouldn't stop them cold turkey, but try to talk with your psychiatrist in a constructive way so you stop taking them in the long terms. I've been taking medications for more than a decade and it only got worse and worse,even when changes were made.
Most importantly, you should know that your best ally, your best medication and your best therapist is yourself.
> how can I organize my journal?
Take a font you like,or special pen if you don't type it, and try to add, daily, a little colored dot that represents your feelings. By the end of the week, you should write your weekly accomplishments.
The best coping mechanism are:
> sport: it keeps your heart pumping
> learning something new : you're never too old to have fun doing something you like
> already do what you like
> treat and pamper yourself : take baths if you're tensed, eat healthy snacks
I think I kind of summed up what worked the best for me, but please farmers take care of yourselves and always talk to a certified doctor, especially about the medication "issue."
>>161505> what can I do when I'm on a crisis then ? >You can go back and live with your parents
I see anons posting in ot every day in crisis because they stay living with their parents for so long and because they refuse to give up their free room and board no matter how toxic
things get at home.
That's one of the strongest recurring themes I see on here. Lots of anons need to do the opposite and get independant.
Ok, so he's trying to touch you, expects you to do the chores and pay for everything, so you cheated on him with randos?
If you're paying for everything, pay for yourself a fucking apartment.
>>161537>I'm so close to just moving in with a random person I meet online that is hopefully less toxic.
So just getting a roommate? That's not exactly an off the wall solution, you should do exactly that. But not some random 4channer or w/e you're implying by meeting online, you should just find someone who's renting a room out.
But if you have no job and you're still paying for everything how exactly does the situation work?
From my own experience, my therapists would most likely tell me to stop talking after the session would be over, to be more clear, I mean that therapists don't give you advices that are meaningful–or give you room for you to talk. You can find the same on any other self development books or even by reflecting on yourself on a journal. >>161525
Indeed, that's why I advise to either chose between family or loving friends. In my case, it was family that would do me better,since I have trust issues towards other people, and I've just been thrown out from my psychiatric hospital after they labeled me as a "hopeless case" because I wouldn't fit the norm, from here, I saw that most of the psychiatric world, from therapist to medications, were scams milking the sad person's time (and money, for most) so they get legally drugged.
Also,don't stop your medication cold turkey, do your best with your psychiatrist to lower the doses trimesters per trimesters, affirm yourself and grow up with yourself, it will be more satisfying than getting help from therapists that do nothing but give you shallow advices you can find on wikihow.
throw away or finish the current junk and next time you grocery shop don't buy any snacking foods
instead buy fancier versions of fruit you enjoy to reach for when the crave hits
, I hope things look better soon, please try to be kind to yourself, you're not evil!
I think you know you have to break up with your bf now though, it's not fair to him to keep the relationship going if you're not really into him, and it'll only keep you feeling miserable.
Why do you think you're actually a lesbian?
And you're not evil, it's not really your fault you couldn't figure it out sooner. You didn't do it to hurt him.
This is so stupid it belongs to dumbass shit thread.
Nice try, Jordan Peterson. The fact that you didn't benefit from therapy or medication does not give you authority to tell others that they shouldn’t seek professional help.
This makes me so mad because it’s dangerous advice to give.
Anons, if you think there is a little chance that professional help could ease your pain and you have that option, try it. Please.
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I think I've fallen in love with someone that feels very unattainable and now I have no idea what to do. A little background:
I've known him for years now, but we lost contact for a while. After reconnecting, I realized I probably had a crush on him the entire time and tried to suppress it. He ended up telling me he actually had wanted to date me back then, but me being dumb had always rejected it (and for good reason; I was super unstable). Now that we talk often again (in his words, we're 'close' even) I feel like I've fallen for him. He's a streamer, he works a lot and he's awful at text conversation, but when we do get to talk, I just can't help but get that weird butterfly sort of feeling in my gut- nobody else in a long time has made me feel that way. Plus, he's seriously my type in personality and appearance.
We flirt, but it's nothing more committed or serious than that. He's told me a lot he thinks I'm one of the prettiest girls he's ever seen, but I lack the self confidence to feel like he truly means it. He's not a super outwardly emotional person which just makes me feel like he doesn't even like me (I don't understand men). I don't know if I should actually tell him I have genuine feelings for him or if I should just.. ignore it and let this emotion swell, ultimately leading to my demise and suffering, but still getting to flirt with him without actual rejection.
God, anons, please help my stupid ass. I don't know how men work, I don't know if he even likes me at all despite our past + still flirting and everything. I don't know if I should tell him!! Am I going to ruin everything between us if I do!! I'm losing my mind!
okay, I'm trying to decide what degree I should get. I either want a physics degree or a math degree.
apparently, for a bachelor/master's degree, the prospects for these degrees are largely the same. most people with physics degrees are programmers, and a lot of people with math degrees are programmers as well. other jobs include being an engineer, being in finance or being a statistician (well, for a math degree, not sure if you can be a statistician with a physics degree).
if I actually wanted to work in physics or math, I'd have to get a PHD, and I'm not really looking to do that, at least right now.
I am kind of leaning towards physics, because I think physics is more interesting than plain math. not gonna lie, I also like the that physics is considered slightly more prestigious because of how hard it is (at least from what I've seen) and the job prospects are slightly better, and average starting salary is slightly higher.
the problem is, my hometown university doesn't offer a physics degree, only a math degree, though I could get a physics minor. I'd have to move to a city that is 8 hours away from here, and I don't make enough money to live on my own right now (currently living with my parents).
also, since the job prospects are largely the same, I'd almost feel silly moving to a different city to get that degree when I could just stay here with my parents and get a math degree and probably end up with the same job anyway.
any thoughts? have any of you gone into physics/math? do you have regrets?
Hello, I'm studying physics, and my roommate is studying math. From my experience, I would advise you to check out somehow how exams and classes are structured. For example, when I have exams, I have multiple days when I can take the exam, and I can take it up to 3 times. My friend in maths only has one chance to take an exam, and if she fails, she has to take the course again. So even if what she's learning is easier, she'll have a harder time.
But of course you should also consider which interests you more, which you can't really know right now because you haven't studied it, obviously. But I would definitely suggest physics, it's very interesting to learn how the world around us behaves, instead of learning how to solve abstract problems. I don't have money to live on my own either and I am studying away from my hometown, but I have taken a loan from the bank, and I get a stipend from the state. You should check if there are any such options available to you, I'm sure not many students actually have the money to finance themselves on their own, most will get money from either their parents or from the bank.
Also one good thing about physics over math is that when we are learning proofs to theorems, we usually aren't as rigorous as mathematicians, which is good because proofs are the most boring part of my life
I want to pursue a degree in physics and will start my degree next month! Do you have any advice for effective studying? And like any tips for the classes getting more challenging as I progress in the degree. and like how to stay motivated with long-ass phy. problems
I'm also curious about job prospects– what job do you think you'll go for or that others you know have gone for?
I don't know, I think everyome has to find their own way of studying, but what helps me learn theory is reading through the book and writing down the things I have to know on paper. Then I don't have to memorize 200 pages, only 30. Also it's good to make friends that are also motivated and smart, because if you get stuck on a problem you can work on it together. Now with the current situation I don't know if you will have classes in person (I don't) so making friends might be very hard, but you can ask your lecturers anyway.
For job prospects, there are many places that will hire a physicist, you can continue to work as a scientist, or as a programmer, as a teacher, you can work in a bank. I'll be honest, I haven't looked much into where I could get a job yet, but I hope to work in science since there are two research facilities close to my college that have a shortage of workers. I hope my grades will be good enough to get a job there. Sometimes you may get an offer to work at your college and they will pay for your doctorate, but I guess all that I said depends on where you live. I'm not from the USA (which you might have noticed from my awkward writing) so I don't have any specific information for you if you are. But I wish you good luck and lots of fun
Ladies, can I get advice on this one? I even want the most mean /ot/ anons to come and give their thoughts but I just happened to click on /g/ first.
It's gonna be LONG. Sorry. Skip if you don't wanna read about petty drama.
Teacher explains why he was away in an online class and reveals shocking news that he got his first son. But he is in an incubator because he's born premature. Classmate that dislikes me, that lives in an institution, finds me mentally insane and retarded, comes with a great idea that we should give 2 euros to gift parents + baby, idea is split up with ex-teammate that she treated shit, too.
I don't even know why the latter girl is working with a shady girl that manipulates everyone, but whatever. I am indeed too biased to donate to the girl that hates me so I donated to the girl that buys stuff for the baby. I also thought that we were friends…because I stood up for her from that girl :(.
Innocently I asked the latter girl who I thought was my friend if I could buy gifts too, but she said it will be difficult and hard to keep up. I thought she implied that she went with the first girl mentioned, tbh, but I masked my schizophrenia and didn't lash out at all, I just said ok but can I pls pick out ONE gift/idea. Maybe she misunderstood me but whatever.
The girl that hates me replied with "sorry only me and insert other girl can, we planned it this way".
I said "what? but I donated, right?". She said "if you want to oh so buy something yourself, you can keep the 2 euros."
I didn't donate to her stuff first of all and I donated all that I could and I want to donate 100 euros in total, even now after all that happened. So far it's 40 bucks that I have donated and I didn't reveal that at all, I just said "ok I get it you guys want to do it together, do your thing" but then I replied to a message that I just saw with "what…do you mean with…returning 2 euros?" and then she said "I want to explain to you everything but don't say that you understand things and then say that you don't understand it". I was laughed at by her friend etc..Jesus bleh. I just said "I just wanted to join because I care and donated a high sum of money".
If I am an oversensitive BPD piece of shit, tell me. I really love my college, because they have given me a chance, when no one ever did. It was personal for me, I rather wish the teacher of elementary school that abused me die than the son of a teacher that accepted my application. My brother was in an incubator too. So yeah..idk, it touched me.
And no I don't regret donating, I just don't understand the harshness. It seemed like something you'd read on here, or on 4chan. Or am I just dumb? If so I will change.
Honestly, it doesn't sound that weird? I might be reading this wrong, your English is a little confusing. If I understand this correctly, two girls from your class had the idea to set up a fund where people from the class can donate, and then pool together the money to buy gifts. You knew this and donated 40 euros anyway, expecting special treatment for it afterwards. I don't understand why you didn't just buy gifts yourself if picking them out is so important to you. Regardless of how generous your donation was, I can understand that for the people who run the initiative it's impractical to take everyones personal wishes into account.
I get that it's annoying because you don't like this girl, but it doesn't really sound like she did anything wrong. I also don't see how her living in an institution is relevant?
Also just as a note, bumping your own post asking for replies is a bit obnoxious. Especially if it's only 3 minutes later. This is a slow board and it regularly takes hours for threads to get new posts.
Yeah I understand bumping sucks. Sorry. I guess panic mode makes (lunatic) people do retarded things.
I can’t really communicate, it’s been my problem always. English = not my first language but it wouldn’t matter, I’d still communicate retarded. Is it because I’m uneducated? Schizo? Combination? I’m even on adhd meds and I still can’t string a sentence. And no, I didn’t donate a lot to get special treatment. Why would I do that.
Should have typed this before, but what I just don’t understand is: why did that girl that hates me butt in when I asked the other girl/friend if I could shop together. She would shop in my town my “friend” said. And the two of them won’t even shop together, it’s just that the tasks are split (the girl that hates me will shop for parents and the girl who..probably secretly hates me will shop for the baby).
And it was fine that I wasn’t allowed to give ideas, I just don’t think it was ok to tell me that she would give me back my 2 euros when I didn’t even donate to her but to the other girl. Do I make sense now? Idk. Probs not.
And the reason why I’m buttburt about her and mentioned the institution part randomly is because …well frankly said I’m honestly being bullied by her. Every time I do my stuff in class she says that “Why the fuck did you choose this course?” And other horrible stuff that breaks my confidence. I get good grades and that girl NEVER attends classes, shit talks other teachers etc
And of course, I shared a project group with the 2 girls and the girl that dislikes me blamed the two of us for not being able to do her part… and ditched us when we had to do a presentation. And she passed it because we did it for her. And I did my best even with my incompetence or whatever that girl that hates me labels me as.
And yeah I get it even after all of this the girl I thought was my friend still rather vibes with the other girl. I’m not charismatic or whatever
i've always known i'm majorly attracted to girls, i've gone on a few dates and made out with some, but i ALWAYS chicken out because its new and different and scary (and i don't know what i'm doing- so the idea of dating a girl that i care about on a whole different, deeper level makes the risks that much higher)
i can't lie- the idea of being "out" and having a girlfriend sounds fucking terrifying. i get so hung up on the possibility people might treat me differently, family, friends, etc. which is 100% of the reason why i have only had relationships with men.
if it weren't a factor, i don't think i'd ever choose a relationship with a man over one with a woman.
i don't know. its so CONFUSING and i try so hard to convince myself i'm straight. i've been attracted to primarily women since like elementary school (i'm 22).
also- men disgust me, lol i really can't stand them anymore, the idea of sex with a man is so incredibly repulsive to me lately.
Porn is degenerate and if it makes you uncomfortable he should stop watching it full stop. Porn is a form of normalized emotional cheating and it's so prevalent women got conditioned to think it's normal for their partners to watch porn.
Ask him to stop. If he tries to say it's controlling or his feefees get hurt reconsider why are you even with a man that values other naked women over your comfort.
Gimp?>>161999>Wouldn't I just be closing myself off to men altogether then?
No. Honestly, it's up to you to set standards for yourself. If you're truly fine with him watching pornography (which it sounds like you aren't) then whatever. Most guys these days do watch porn, however, if you make it clear upfront you don't want your partner to watch it he'll most likely stop (if he's worth being with, anyway).>Like what do I say when I say I want him to stop altogether?
Again, you're not gonna get anywhere if you don't communicate. You'll just close yourself off by sating confusing statements like: "just hide when you're watching it!" or "i don't like it but…" You don't like it and that's fine. You may disagree, but stick to your guns because your emotions are completely valid
and justified. >How am I supposed to convince someone with that kind of mindset?
Just state why you're uncomfortable with it. Whether it feels like emotional cheating, or you just have a grounded belief against it. If he tries to argue, debate, or try to change your mind, he is not respecting your feelings. Stand firm, or risk being unhappy because you never took a stand.
nta and this is probably a stupid question but what exactly should I imagine vanilla porn to be about? I never watched porn and my image so far is "He rams his penis down her throat and jackhammers away, maybe puts it in her butt too"
and I thought this violent kinda stuff is the standard. Is there actual "normal" (as normal as watching two strangers fuck, that is) stuff out there? lmao
Not to be a downer but this is further proof that you can't rely on men for anything. They're untrustworthy. They'll always prioritise themselves over the women in their lives. If they provide for you and protect you, it's only because they see you as their property or are using you for something.
The OG anon shouldn't have to lower her standards and internet porn shouldn't even exist, but these are the conditions we live in. It's an unavoidable consequence of loving and depending men.
I think if a man truly, really values his partner they would stop watching as soon as the other party would ask them to. I would personally feel so guilty if I broke a boundary my partner has laid out that I'd avoid doing it completely.
But that being said, males have a completely different brain to ours and they don't feel guilt like we do. >>162020
is absolutely right but I don't think any woman should lower her standards, but instead keep searching for that one that will respect her views.
It's so sad how normalised watching porn has became. What's even sadder is that once you see anything erotic catered towards women (woman-centric femdom, artistic erotica, BL) it gets shat on to no end in male spaces as if only their perception of 'sexual' was correct. Many males also can't imagine their partners watching porn, god forbid if it's something they don't find arousing themselves. I think it stems from the same place as it does for women, but they have it much easier because they know women won't find most porn enjoyable and therefore are less likely to watch it.
Yeah, "normal" vanilla porn exists. Just regular sex, some doggy style, some riding the D, blowjobs, massages, all that I'd still consider vanilla. There's a lot of this kind of porn as well, even if imo there's a lot more porn with anal, choking, peeing, incest, bondage, etc, if you ask me. Or… I don't know if more of this kind of porn exists or if it just gets marketed more. I haven't watched porn for like two years though so I have no idea if anything has changed or if it's still like this.
Unpopular opinion: it's you who needs to work through your trauma caused by your ex, instead of trying to control another human being. For example: if your ex was abusive
and he also happened to consume porn, does that mean that every single man who consumes porn is abusive
, too? Maybe your ex just wasn't that into you? In any case, ask yourself why are you bringing the issues from the old relationship into the new one?
They've definitely disregarded your feelings and haven't respected your opinions, but there's a chance you could still be good friends with them still- you've mentioned they've been kind in the past, Just try to avoid bring up any political issues, and if they try to push it just say it triggers
you or some shit. Also, you won't really find normal friends on discord servers but you can still try if it's easier. Try to put yourself out there by joining a book club or just going to an event you're interested in and walk ingup to people (if there are any events/clubs). Join a class, go to an event, or just walk up to strangers if you're confident enough kek.
Copy from the vent thread but I just want someone's opinion on my situation. I really hate my current workplace situation.
I started in September and I've been given zero training whatsoever, since September, they've just told me to call random establishments and try to sell them shit. I wasn't given a script, had no idea who to fucking call, barely even know anything about the company or the products we are selling- it's just a mess. Still, I've tried to soldier on and see if I can get any sales but it seems pointless. I also have to make random stupid marketing calls which is awful, but it is useless. Even worse than all this shit, I cannot stand my coworkers and my boss is a cunt. One of my coworkers does drugs in front of his two kids, cheats on his wife openly (they all laugh about it in the office), and always talks sexually. He's made jokes about wanting me to have an Onlyfans and when drunk, acted super weird around me. Also always tries to convince me that my boyfriend is cheating on me, even though he is really lovely towards me and I know he isn't. Yet, he always says we aren't gonna last because we are each others first, but we've been together for five years and we are fucking happy and even so, HOW IS IT YOUR BUSINESS? He always explains what weird sexual things mean to me and my boss finds it hilarious when I look uncomfortable and grossed out.
My boss is a complete fucking creep. He's been married several times, abandoned his kids, fucks prostitutes and is one of those jerks obsessed with Motorcycles. He's made jokes about me getting screwed, calls me "good girl", thinks Hugh Hefner was a great guy, blames Epstein's victims, always talks about women's appearances in SUCH a perverted way. For example, one of our colleagues who work in a different office uploaded a picture of herself on LinkedIn, and he sees that she's sent an email- so he checks out her social media profiles and starts saying shit like "awh, SHE'S fit" and "loads of make up but would" and it was so gross, she's literally 30 years younger than him. He's said I'm pretty unprovoked too and has made multiple comments about my appearance. Also, has a weird hatred over the fact my boyfriend is white, and brings it up whenever he can. Like, one time my boyfriend came to pick me up for the first time from work, and instead of my boss letting me leave, he said "I'm gonna go outside, have a cig and check out Anon's boyfriend out". I thought it was a joke until he came back in saying mean things about my boyfriend and saying "he needs to step his game up". Even then, I didn't really think that much of it until I found out he walked all the way across the carpark, away from the building, to smoke right near my boyfriends car and stare him down through the window. GOD EVEN THE OTHER MEN in the office are awful, there's a guy next door who's besties with my boss grabbed my waist randomly TWICE! I wanted to scream and say something but I feel so trapped because my boss will fuck me over If I do so I embarrassingly stayed quiet. He's only stopped doing this stuff now because I've awkwardly had a run in with his wife and him. God, there's like three women in the entire building and they do not seem interested in befriending me. This is my first proper full-time job and I feel like idk what is normal and okay.
Am I stupid for wanting to quit and just find something else? I've achieved the best grade classification in a respectable degree, but I know the job situation is terrible for everyone right now. I have enough money for around 3 months of rent saved + living costs, and I pray I'll be able to find something by then. I'll apply to 20+ a day, I have no issue trying. Idk, I feel so humiliated and like a quitter.
Anon, get OUT of there! This is a typical example of a toxic
work environment. To them, it's all a power play, they don't care about kindness or morals or being good people, they probably just think if you screw someone over=being better than them. And if you get screwed over=being a loser.
Don't feel like a quitter, everybody's first job sucks, unfortunately, you need to have this experience to appreciate other, more positive environments and people.
Start applying now for other jobs, ideally you should find another position before you actually quit, but things are how they are right now. Also, personal advice, try to have a little bit of evidence of sexual harassment, even if on the sly. Trust me, it's your word against theirs, and with the kind of people you say they are…
What programs do you use?
Are you familiar with trackers?
On Youtube mainly. It's not ideal for music these days, but I'm not sure where else to go.>>162205
To make the music? Just garageband. It's all very acoustic and doesn't need a ton of mixing. What are trackers?
We have discussed strap-ons before which would likely help, but my favourite thing to do was give head and that's obviously not the /same/. I've even brought up the possibility of me being poly and he was a bit confused and read up about stuff, but I'm pretty sure he'd never really be okay with it, even if he said he was.
I guess I would choose him if he wasn't okay with it because our life together is wonderful. I'm just worried that I'll be building up resentment and frustration. I feel like I'm being really selfish - wanting to have my cake and eat it too. I guess I just never expected that I'd be in this position.
Thank you for the advice, anon. I think I'm going to have to write my feelings in a letter or something, because saying it out loud feels like too much.
Setting my feelings about trans people aside, I really don't think this is going to work simply based on the sexual incompatibility. Sorry. It's not a selfish or shallow reason to break up with someone; healthy romantic relationships are (typically) just really good friendships with the addition of sex. And you're missing half of that equation, so.
I really doubt you're asexual if you still find yourself craving sex/sexual interaction. It sounds like you understandably have trauma surrounding sex, but this is something that can be improved or overcome with a patient and understanding partner. It doesn't mean you're doomed to have stressful and unfulfilling sex all your life or no sex at all. One thing I can say: Do not try being poly. That is something that very rarely works even in healthy relationships, and it's something that can only happen when both partners are trusting, happy and have a pre-existing solid sexual foundation in their relationship. You do not have that, but it would fuck up the good things you do currently have. Better to cut your losses now and allow both of you to move on. I'm sure it feels like no one is ever going to hold a candle to this person, but we all go through that when we're in the midst of an intense relationship. As you said, it's just going to build up frustration and resentment and you both could likely be more fulfilled with other people with the body parts you prefer.
anon means his friend buys his girlfriend gifts and flowers, and she gets jealous wishing her boyfriend would do that for her.
I agree though, if he's spending so much time on a very thoughtful gift for his new friend, it's not unusual to want something equally thoughtful at the very least, considering you're
supposed to be his significant other. maybe ask him why he's putting so much effort into her gift.
Thank you all for the replies and advice. I ended up bringing it up to him, and he told me he's done similar things for his friends in the past and it's normal. He's not an artist or anything, but he said he just enjoys doing it for people.
I told him I understood that, but that it makes me feel bad when he never does things like that for me. He said he's just "bad at doing romantic stuff." I brought up that he's known me for longer and I'm supposed to be his girlfriend but he never really takes into account anything I like but is doing such thoughtful things for a girl who's just a friend? It's not like she gives him big gifts that he feels obligated to give her big things back, it was his birthday recently and she got him a bottle of soju.
He got really quiet after that and we just stopped talking about it. I think I convinced myself that I was just being an irrational jealous gf but getting the advice here made me realize how weird it is for him to be acting like this. I'm planning on breaking up with him soon because I'm tired of constantly feeling unappreciated and uncared for. It's scary because I know I'll miss him a lot, but thank you kind anons for helping me think things through with a rational head.
picky eating ticks me off too. maybe bring it up that you're concerned for his health. a lot of the things he eats are full of processed crap. else, don't eat with him.>>162388
it could be acid reflux. if it is that is not hard to cure! and you won't need the doctor either.>>162397
i'm sorry your family has such assholes. you might have said or done something that offended them. or simply one cunt started a rumor. i wish you well, and continue enjoying your life. show off your successes on socials and to mutuals. it will make them seethe.
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Anons, I was so embarrassed about the situation I poofed. But just updating to say we talked a lot about our feelings (sort of prompted by me) and he's into me as well and seems like we could potentially have a relationship
I was scared to death but decided to just try to push the conversation topic and it worked.. Thank you anons for giving me courage…
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How the hell do you ignore someone,especially when they do everything to be the center of the attention?
if that faggot dwells on shit that happened 5 years ago (we've been talking for 2 years now) I can only expect an apology 20 years later, right?
either way I've been mostly no-contacting that bitch anyways. tired.
hi anons, having some boy trouble, sorry for long -
about 2 months ago i broke up with my bf of 2 years. it was a tough decision but i just didn't feel the same for him, and it wasn't changing for the better.
i lost my entire friend group on his side because i made a tinder acc a few days after we broke up. i miss them, but i'm more mad they dont want to talk to me exclusively for making a tinder.
ex-bf is still friendly with my best friends, at least for now -
we're setting up a really tiny new years party, and i asked if we could not invite him as he was being a bit of a douche last time we had all hung out. girls said yeah, he wasn't added into the gc until his friend, who is dating one of my best friends, added him in without saying anything. i immediately panicked and confronted him, asking him why. he thought we forgot to add him in.
two days ago i was working and ex-bf sent me a phat paragraph about how he was upset with the situation. thought, "okay, was a bit mean to exclude him without saying anything." didn't respond cause i was working, planned to discuss with my girls after work.
towards the end of my shift my one best friend called me, really upset. my ex texted her really aggressively, demanding to be part of the group and to be included. don't remember everything he said, but overall it was really upsetting to see him act like this towards one of my friends.
recently he's just been really huffy and puffy and aggressive, i don't enjoy when our shifts overlap. he's declined after the breakup, and it worries me because he has easy access to my schedule and knows my house's lock combination.
i don't really know what to do about him overall. i want to only interact with him at work, and all of my friends are starting to lean away from him after his demanding to be included.
any tips/advice? i don't really know what to do or say to him, or how i can call him out on his behaviour. him and his buds won't take me seriously for anything ever since the whole tinder fiasco. i just want this relationship drama to be over.
Do you actually fear for your life/safety re: him knowing your schedule? If so I'm definitely not equipped to help with that.
But by making your best friend cry you have an easy defense to any accusations of unfairness. Does she have any screenshots of his demands to be included?
And not to be a buzzkill, but if you find out he's going to the party, it IS the middle of a pandemic. Staying home isn't the worst thing.
I'm not all too concerned just yet, but with the way he's been acting, it's a thought that's been weighing on the back of my mind.
She did save the messages he sent, though. (it was on snapchat)
Basically any interaction I have with him I save, and I made sure she saved those messages too.
Would help to know his interests. But you could get him some flowers (guys basically never get flowers and it's kind of cute to surprise them with it), write him a thoughtful letter, give him snacks/treats he likes, massage with a nice oil (edible if you want to turn it naughty), cook for him. Stuff to do:
- Play board or video games
- Do a class together (you can do online tutorials like painting or other crafts)
- Read a book out loud together while snuggling in bed
- If he likes drinking go to a bottle shop and get a bunch of different beers or ales or whatever he likes to try
- Make a little treasure hunt for him by hiding things/giving clues for locations around the house
Be careful that you don't put it in such a way that it leaves room for your mom to argue or decide that you can't. For example telling your mom "I need theraphy….." without saying you're actually going to take that theraphy, gives her the room to say "No, you don't need it." You're basically putting the decision up to her if you word it like that. (I hope that makes sense). Also don't ask her if you can have therapy, because again that gives her room to say no.
Sit down and inform her that you're going to theraphy. For example, you could say it like this: "Mom, I'm going to go to theraphy. I need this theraphy because of xyz reasons. I wanted to let you know because I'm under your insurance and I think you should know what's going on with me." Tell her it as a fact with no room for arguments. You're going whether she agrees or not. Be assertive. Also don't depend on her to take you, go on your own. Make that appointment on your own, you don't want to leave it up to her to take you. If I where you I'd make an appointment before telling your mom so you can tell when you're going to theraphy for the first time when you have your conversation with her.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
Something that really helps me is watching trash tv (stuff like The Circle, or Ex on the Beach), it's enaging enough to keep me fully occupied and want to keep watching, and stupid enough to keep me away from any deeper thoughts. It's not for everyone probably, but maybe at least give it a try?>>162690
I feel you, I keep doing the same. What helps me with hard tasks specifically is breaking it down to the smallest stages and writing it down on paper, not any digital note. Somehow having a physically existing plan makes it more doable.
There's a nice video on the topic here; it's coming from the art perspective but he talks about general ways of dealing with causes leading up to it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ns96WM7C78
so maybe you can find something helpful in it too.
What helped me is watching a show called 'Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners'. You can find it on YT. After binge watching some episodes, it gave me the motivation to at least do something, anything, no matter how little.
From experience, your goal should not be to "stop feeling depressed" in general, but rather to get out of a very bad mood once you're aware of it, if it makes sense. Good luck!
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How do I deal with my partner making more money than me? It may sound like a good thing but the difference is INSANE, I'm not even making that little, slightly above average pay for my profession, but he's making twice as much and his bonus this year is going to be almost 100 times (!!) of what I will get. I can't get over it, it feels humiliating. He's never belittling me when it comes to money so it's not about that, more about my need for things to be balanced and equal.
Anyone dealt with something similar?
As long as he isn't making you pay 50/50 on shit, I don't see what the issue is? It's a fact that women get paid less on average than men, just don't take it as saying something about you while our entire gender is suffering.
Some of us don't even have boyfriends that promise to bring in a decent sum anymore. It's more embarrassing to be with a broke scrote.
You don't need permission from your boyfriend anon. He's not your keeper and you're not his kid or his dog. It'd be a different story if you wanted to go on a trip with another guy or if you had kids together or whatever, but you don't need his permission or approval to go somewhere solo.
You can just tell him you respect his opinion that he doesn't like you traveling alone but that it's your decision and you're going.
Use the humiliation as a push to change jobs until you get on his level>>163064
Anon, think of yourself like a house. First you need a good foundation. As a neet you literally have all day so start taking some time to exercise and cook your self basic but healthyish meals. Get yourself on a sleep schedule, make a chore schedule so you don't live in filth. Get bloodwork done if you can, I was anemic for a long time without knowing and its shit. Doing this will get you used to having a little structure and making yourself do shit you don't wanna, and you will feel more energy.
Then look at your career situation. Maybe start with a part time probably shit job just to get you used to going to one. Then look at your education, if you can use it to get a better job do that if not maybe consider school again, or consider just continuing to work.
Take baby steps to put structure back in your life and the truth is - life is a shit grind and you gotta grit your teeth to get anywhere worthwhile.
1) If you have a medical diagnosis of migraines and are a burgerfag like me, you’re normally covered by the ADA for “reasonable accommodation” like being able to take a break or work in a solitary office.
2) The first step to escaping NEETdom is admitting you’re a NEET. You already have done that so congrats. Start small. Take regular showers, clean your living space at least once a week, get sleep regularly on a normal schedule. Treat this like your “first job” so you take it seriously. And then start looking at jobs or schools, after you’re settled into actually taking care of your shit. It’ll be easier to know what you can and can’t handle.
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I tried posting my shitty question in the stupid question thread but nobody answered so I'm trying again here ( sorry if I'm being annoying ). My class is organising a secret santa gift exchange(which is already weird because we are all too old for this but anyway ), I 'm kind of a loner and I don't really talk with anyone but I'm not hated by people (I think at least). However there is this really popular guy who sit across me and when he read the name of the person he was suppose to give a gift too he just kept sighting and saying "oh no ! fuck ! why me ?! " his tone was straight up annoyed, I couldn't help but notice that he was holding a piece of paper that looked really close to the one I've written my name on. Now my question is how should I react when he gives me potentially my gift, I really want to make him unease and say something about the way he reacted right in front of me that day but this is probably kind of mean and stupid but I can't stop thinking about it. Should I go full April Ludgate, it's not like I will lose a friend but it might also be really stupid? What would you do if you were me ???
Just say that you are "taking a long break" for mental health reasons, clarify that you're not suicidal btw so they don't freak out, and fuck off.
How do I tell my friends to NOT go through with plastic surgery? 2 want to get nose jobs and 1 wants to get her cheeks reduced. I would be fine with all this if they were irredeemably ugly, but they are all objectively very pretty! As in way above average and even fit neatly within our country's beauty standards! Sure they don't look like supermodels but they definitely stand out among most girls. I think they're all making a big mistake, especially the one who wants her cheeks reduced. For context these are our country's beauty standards (Southeast Asia, also our beauty standards are not so strict like Korea, it's possible to not have these features and still be a huge star looks-wise)
>fair skinned and mixed with white or Spanish or Chinese features
>cute is valued more than sexy/glamorous beauty
And these are the girls in order of attractiveness according to our cultural beauty standards
>Girl 1 is the most fair-skinned, people assume she is half-white because of her skin+features, a bright and charismatic type beauty
>Literally won provincial and regional pageants in high school
>Does not have a white person nose but it's not as bad as she thinks, it's not flat or wide like a SEA nose and goes well with her features
>Is very confident, hosts part-time but is kinda narcissistic and vain, posts obviously filtered selfies almost everyday with captions implying "no filter" (which makes me think she is actually super insecure and the confidence is a cope)
>Strangely enough gossips about and looks down on girls who've had work done or wear too much make-up or dress too sexily
>Girl 2 is not as fair-skinned as Girl 1 but still fair, short (4'9"), wears glasses, sweet and cheerful, laughs easily, smiles cutely, VERY popular with men
>Fantasizes about a nosejob but not that serious about it, probably the most okay self-esteem among the three and the one I have the biggest chance of convincing against surgery, but she is impulsive and goes along with what her friends do
>Girl 3 is a late bloomer, in her teen years she was the "ugly friend" because she was chubby and had acne. Lost weight in adulthood, acne cleared up and instantly outshined her friends who used to be prettier than her. The self-esteem issues remained though.
>As fair as Girl 1, but mixed with Chinese features instead of white. Cute, shy, charming beauty
>Has always had chubby cheeks even after becoming skinny but has always hated them and wants them reduced, but get this, they are literally her most distinctive feature, the one that makes her not just another pretty girl, the one both men and women praise the most.
>Definitely dysmorphic. Cries when she gains weight, cries when her haircut isn't perfect etc…
They all work in academia and HR, so it's not like their livelihood depends on their appearance. They're not rich at all so this will be years of saving up. They were talking about going to the doctor together and renting a house together to recover in. Girl 1 and 3 are super serious and both saving up for it already. Girl 2 kinda just jokes around about it. Girl 1 and 3 are also the most IG active while Girl 2 has no IG account. The 2 girls definitely have issues that won't go away even after they get surgery, but I am most worried about Girl 3 because not only do I think she's gonna botch her face she's also the most likely to break down and isolate if the results aren't as perfect as she imagines. Girl 1's nosejob could turn out well but also I don't mind if she has to learn the hard way that a perfect nose won't make her less insecure, what with the way she talks about other women lol. We are all very close so I can say what I want to them without ruining our friendship (but I have never called the 2 girls insecure to their face), but they are libfems and they brought up choice and empowerment blah blah blah when I questioned them, which is fair but a choice born out of insecurity and dysmorphia is hardly a good choice. These days when they talk about it and I say something against it they pretend I said nothing and move on to a different topic.
Anon, not to be mean (it's very nice you're showing concern for your friends!), but this is way too much info. As this anon said >>163480
there's nothing really you can do besides give them your support and assure them in their beauty. I hope your friends find assurance that they're very beautiful, young women, no matter what "flaws" society may pick at them!
Maybe those issues do affect them which is likely why they care, and the problem is they don't affect you so you don't care. Do they talk about them to you all the time or just go about their business on their own profiles? If you like talking to these people otherwise, killing your entire 10 year long online self because of something unrelated to your interests is dramatic. It's pretty normal to have some different interests from friends.
Say "Hey, I'm in a different place in life and too busy to be here". Simple. Don't lie about taking a break for your mental health and then disappear forever. That's effectively ghosting and will cause concern. You could even just make one last tweet and pin it for a week so everyone sees.
I can't decide what I want to do with my future. I'm already 26, have been in and out of school for years and failed most of the classes I was in, and have only worked wageslave jobs. tried to take a computer science class because I decided that was what I wanted to do, but discovered I was awful at it.
I'm in tradeschool right now for medical billing and coding. it's a 10 month program, completely online. it's kind of expensive, but if it will get me out of my wageslave jobs then it's worth it. I still want to go back to school though, and get a real degree.
I can't decide between mathematics and medical lab science. from what I've read, math degrees are kind of high risk/high reward. most mathematicians are employed by the government (at least in my country) and they make good money. but apparently it is also really hard to land a job right out of college, and a lot of math graduates can't even find jobs. but a lot of math graduates are also teachers and I really don't want to be a teacher. ideally I would become a statistician, but the universities in my area don't offer statistics degrees, only math, and I've heard you can't become a statistician with a bachelor's in math. at one of the universities near me you can get a master's in statistics, but you need to get 3 letters of recommendation for that and I am terrible at being social and networking.
medical labwork on the other hand would probably be more fulfilling and I'm pretty sure I would enjoy it. but the average salary is a lot lower according to some websites, and I want to be financially stable and be able to support my parents as they get older.
do any of you have any insights on either of these? do you work in either of these fields? I would love some advice.
You can confront them and ask them why are they projecting insecurity to you. Usually people who ask that question haven't done shit either
>"Anon, I was just joking!"
"Maybe if you didn't joke so much and take shit seriously you would have get shit done"
You have to put yourself in a situation where you see the same people every day/week/month. Easiest way to make friends is to have an established routine that matches with others, ex. going to uni/club/volunteering/gym. Try to find topics that are broad and general that appeal to the masses; such as politics/shows on Netflix to talk about.
Since you already have friends, you could also try asking your current friends to introduce you to new people.
no, that sounds extremely creepy and predatory. a therapist shouldn't be doing any of that.
please stay safe, and start seeing someone else.
why is your doctor refusing it?
i'm in the same situation as you but i'm still doing stupid shit like having unprotected sex on top of everything and it's fucking me up.
I don't know, she just smugly said that "they aren't doing that here" and that it would be an ineffevtive method and super painful.>>163964
I don't want to get anything that involves hormones. I had a friend who had an implant and she gained 20 kilos. I don't want to go through any of that bullshit anymore.>>163965
I already went to a second doctor but he also dismissed me and tried to talk me into getting back on the pill. I had to wait 3 fucking hours in the waiting area for this shit.
I will still try going to a third doctor since I still have some hope left.
Honestly, fuck all gynecologists at this point. I hope they all swallow a bunch of their pills so they can see for themselves how fucked up they can get from it.
I'm sorry, but I myself tried 4 different bc pills before giving up on it.
Also where did you get the information that this "doesn't happen to most girls"?
You are literally saying the same things in the same manner all of the gynecologists are saying while completely ignoring my requests, problems and experiences.
Is there a way to improve social/emotional intelligence alone in quarantine? I lost my two remaining friends recently, they cut me off and I'm all alone now. I'm not going to go into the details, but it all comes down to my lack of emotional intelligence. I'm super awkward socially and very often in social situations I realize retrospectively that I behaved insensitively or unempathically. I also have a staggering fear of emotional intimacy, I find it super hard to open up. Whenever someone asks me personal questions, I feel attacked, although I know I shouldn't. Whenever I'm in any sort of a relationship I feel a strong inclination to cut it off, be it a friendship or a romantic relationship, because in my head, being alone = safety, but at the same time I crave closeness. How do I change this? I feel lost, they were my only friends…Wrote this in the NEET thread but thought I'd post it here too