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File: 1597249047687.jpg (163.41 KB, 768x1024, 95fb2d133542ac0939a5813f160a58…)

No. 147310

Want some advice? Get some advice!

Previous thread: >>>/g/115426

No. 147747

File: 1597545692990.png (84.52 KB, 275x155, 1578214747456.png)

My sister bought new clothes and is now depressed because she feels like she is "too skinny". She constantly mentions her weight and I know is a source of insecurity for her. She is 15. I already hugged her, told her she is beautiful, that her body does not define her and that she is still growing! But she doesn't believe me…

This is a little embarrassing, since I am 26 and should know better, but I always struggled with the way I perceived myself. I still struggle with my image, but I take antidepressants and now I just don't care lol

I just…. have no idea how to make my sister feel better. I want to be the person that I needed when I was young and struggling with self love…

I guess I'm asking for advice on what to tell her? Or how can I try to make it better for her?? I know there is no magic trick to love yourself…

No. 147752

>>147747
the only thing that worked for me was realizing that it's fine to be average. like im an ordinary person who isn't trying to make money off my face or body, so why should i feel pressured to look pretty every minute of the day? ofc i am hygienic, maintain a weight on the low end of healthy, and wear flattering clothes and sometimes makeup. but being sad that im not pretty is a waste of time. i dont expect everyone around me to be chic and flawless, so why should i? it also pisses me off that men aren't expected to do 2748382 things for their appearance. maybe bring these things up to your sister. health and happiness should always come first

No. 147753

>>147747
i'm not trying to be defeatist or discouraging, but i would think back to when you yourself were 15. the alienation and shame and, often, low self esteem that comes with such an uncertain time, even for the most well adjusted teenage girl with a solid support network. most girls around this age just get embarrassed or cringe when older female family members lay on the positivity and praise in a way where you can tell they're trying to help you (not calling you old, you're definitely not. but you are in a different stage of life than she is, and it may seem like a huge divide to her from where she is at. the "you couldn't possibly understand" mindset) unfortunately, a more subtle approach works better for pretty much any teenager, let alone a teen girl when it comes to matters of body image. talk is cheap, and it can feel reminiscent of a mom or grandma telling you how beautiful and what a catch you are. i know you mean what you are telling her and it's coming from a place of kindness and love, but it can feel patronizing or insincere/pitying when you are in that stage of life. i have younger sisters, one of them is the same age as yours is right now. i can't change her mind about anything (no matter how concerning), i can only tactfully approach things and hope that she will see my perspective sooner rather than later.
this isn't to infantilize them or make them out to be petulant or stupid, i was this way too, so was everyone i know; it's a part of growing. it might help to encourage her to do activities with you that will help boost her self image and self esteem, though. gardening has been proven to improve body image, and the microbes in the soil can create a mild antidepressant effect when exposed to the bare skin. light exercise together, not at a gym but something that lifts the mood or that you can get silly with. maybe drive out to a gorgeous rural area and take a hike or walk through the woods or a meadow or something if social distancing is important to you. if not, you can find lovely neighbourhoods with enormous gardens and old trees to stroll through. this part isn't directly linked to body image, but if you have any neat skills you could teach her (even if you secretly teach them to yourself first just to pass them along and bond over engaging in them together) that does wonders for self esteem. i don't know if she works or if her school is having in person classes atm, but structure and finding a sense of purpose in the everyday things really go a long way.
maybe you could look up some high protein recipes she might enjoy and make them together before doing some casual exercise. that could help her put on muscle and "fill out", but it's the sense of belonging and purpose that would probably help a lot more.
sorry for the overly long post, i just got sentimental about my baby sisters as i was typing it out and got carried away.

No. 147754

>>147747
How can someone be "too skinny"? it is better to be thin. tell her to work out if she wants to build some definition

No. 147756

>>147754
Perhaps she wants to be "hot"/"curvy" and she's another body type.

No. 147757

>>147754
Someone can definitely be too skinny, bonelords aren't cute ana chan. Not that 15 year olds should be worrying about their body too much to begin with unless they have health issues, being a twig isn't a big deal because teens burn calories like crazy while they grow.

I bet anon's sister is being overly influenced by photoshopped and plastic bodies on instagram, that shit is toxic.

No. 147758

File: 1597562203284.jpg (246.65 KB, 1080x1199, 20200815_214004.jpg)

I just want to thank you all for the replies, I love lolcow

>>147752
Thank you! I think the perspective of how you don't expect people to be perfect all the time is a good thing to bring up next time we talk!
>>147753
I appreciate a lot you taking the time to write all this, you sound really sweet and caring. She definitely feels like I'm lying to her out of love, and that is why I was so confused on how to approach her on this. I try to be as straightforward as possible, but you are completely right, it needs to come from a different place. All your ideas sound lovely. She has talked about protein so I think learning to cook high protein snacks and food is an excellent idea! We could pick up Just Dance a little more, since she likes it and its good exercise! She actually has been working out by herself and she wants me to do it with her but I'm lazy. But Just Dance is fun. Thank you for your insight!

>>147754
What the other anon said. It seems the current "hot body" is being curvy. Which is interesting since I always wanted to be as skinny as possible lol different generations.

No. 147837

My school is about to start again and i will have to prepare and fix a art internship
I am 24 and never had a job, i did a few (mediocore) internships but these where 7-4 years ago, and i have one gapyear, the rest i just continued studying (media/art direction). I had like maybe 3freelance mini assignments so I guess I could bullshit i did some freelance work. But even though this will only start in winter, I am so nervous, I feel like dont have enough talent and I am a introvert with slight anxiety problems since my 15th. That only got worse around my 17th 18th for hanging around and get taken advantage of bad people and my extreme hard drug abuse, these kind of memories trigger my stress and fear even more. I cant believe i am already 24 and i still mentaly feel 17

In general I would love to know if maybe you recognize this, can give me some advice, what works/worked for you

Thanks guys

No. 148074

File: 1597772522964.jpeg (383.94 KB, 1000x1000, 1562237727010.jpeg)

Anons, I need your help. I really want to flee from my shitty 3rd world country. The main problem is that I don't have a degree (I'm 23 btw), but idk if a degree from this trash country would even be valid or matter in the rest of the world. Everyone tells me I should get a degree before I try to leave, but tbh I'm probably closer to getting raped/killed to be robbed/kidnapped by the police/etc than to getting a degree. Also I will be around my 30s by the time I (hopefully) finish my studies and the idea is to start a new life somewhere else while I'm at my 20s.

Does anyone know where I could move to? Any ideas? Info? Advice? I'm latina but I'm white passing. Tbh cleaning houses in a decent country sounds way, waaaaay more tempting that trying to get a degree here, only to end up being killed or trafficked or whatever on my way to my probably extremely shitty job. Please you have no idea how hopeless I am here, every bit of information you can give me is extremely appreciated!

No. 148077

>>148074
If you're okay with minimal wage jobs literally any english-speaking country will be fine for you. I know that you can have decent life in aging countries like Italy, Germany or Spain taking care of old rich people here as their at-home help, few people from my family did that and they were all lucky to find kind employers who made sure they were paid fairly and had nice life working for them. You can consider something like this.

No. 148091

I hate wasting anything in general but I don't like that there's barely any space in my room because I have too much stuff. I'm going to get rid of some book by selling them to bookstores, and I'll give clothes to associations soon. I already started doing this with my clothes not too long ago but I forgot a lot of things I don't wear. But I don't know how to get rid of other weeb shit like charms, posters, figurines, plush. Should I straight up throw them away? Some of them are too damaged to be sold and it's very hard to find people interested in that stuff where I live. And I'm sure the local anime con won't take place this year so I can't sell them or give them away to actual fans there.

No. 148092

>>148074
You won't get hired without a Visa so I'd first recommend looking into that.

No. 148094

>>148074
have you thought about studying abroad? i think legally that's the most straight forward thing to do but admittedly in my case it was easier due to schengen zone.

No. 148122

I have this stupid annoying habit where I just randomly ghost people even if I'm really enjoying the conversation or I really wanna reply to whatever they just said. Suddenly I'd rather die than to reply and I don't fucking know how to fix it rather than get over myself and reply like a normal person but I just fucking can't and I don't know what to do.
I have no friends because of this (because they think I'm being stuck up) and I hate myself and I really really want to make friends. I've tried explaining it to my friends but we grow apart anyways and at this point I'm so lonely I'll try anything to help this stupid habit. Something tells me it's because I think people won't like me once they get to know me but I know I'm no special snowflake and there's got to be people who don't think I'm total trash but still.
Any advice anons?
Please. I'm kind of desperate at this point.

No. 148124

>>148091
Sell the good stuff on ebay, and just trash what is damaged. Things like plush, figurines and charms can (maybe) be accepted by childrens charity.

No. 148131

>>148091
Sell the damaged stuff in a lot so the buyer has to take everything, but (if eBaying) start the listing at a cheap price to reflect the quality of the items

No. 148148

>>148122
I co-wrote this. Though I believe I may be some sort of schizoid since I just grow socially apathetic rather than insecure. Other people consistently interest me but I can't be assed to interact with them after a while. It's just tiring.

Maybe try rewarding yourself when you successfully interact, like with a favourite snack or something. I'm considering this technique in future.

No. 148151

File: 1597806954184.png (286.35 KB, 750x537, EYvA0bJU0AIpW9e.png)

Not sure if this is quite the right thread but I can't find one relating to this, vagina thread and the stupid questions thread doesn't quite fit since I don't know if it's necessarily stupid and it's more of a girl talk thing. TMI warning.
This may seem stupid, but there are stories of women who never even realized they were pregnant until it was far too late, so I'm really worried.
Last had sex 2 months ago with my boyfriend who was confirmed sterile after sterilization in 2019- had not retested since that date. I was on birth control at the time as well. Have had my period twice now since then- I'm literally on my period right now. And they're dark red-brown, very thick consistent bleeding, clots, cramps, everything my period usually is- not really what I consider pregnancy bleeding.
Mother keeps telling me "I need to make sure you're not pregnant" so she bought me 2 ClearBlue blue dye tests.
I took one, and within the 10 min time frame, it was entirely negative. Took a picture of it too. I ended up looking at it again a few hours later since I forgot to throw it out, and it had the tiniest, faintest little positive line on it. I start freaking out.
Yes, anything out of the 10 min window is "invalid" but fuck me, every time I google about it, it's a bunch of pregnant women/middle-aged moms being all excited about "omg you're totally positive! congrats!"
I'm taking another one tomorrow morning, same brand, if it does it again should I be worried? Should I get another brand and keep trying? If I would have conceived 1 1/2 to 2 months ago, the pregnancy test would have almost no chance of showing a false negative- my HCG levels would be too high at this point in pregnancy, right? And I even had my period twice..
God, anons, help me. I can't safely have children despite being fertile and I don't know if I'm worrying over nothing when the test is showing me a faint line.. even if it's hours later.

No. 148161

File: 1597817299745.jpeg (29.6 KB, 750x422, 52E0D0FE-E3EF-423A-B891-01A5A9…)

>>148151
It might be an evaporation line? Just make sure you follow all the user directions correctly the second time to be sure.

No. 148162

>>148151
Anon, there's just no way you're pregnant. I know you're stressed, but think logically - your bf is sterile, you don't miss your contraception, period comes in expected time and expected amounts. It's just not possible. Go see a gyno to ease your mind, do cytology while you're at it to make sure you're in good health but seriously, it doesn't seem like you have anything to worry about

No. 148168

File: 1597822683673.jpg (801.16 KB, 1125x1352, 1597373547830.jpg)

>>148161
I thought it might be an evaporation line from sitting out for a few hours- but everywhere is like, "it should be gray/colorless" whereas mine was blue just very very light (and one side was darker than the other). Seems like ClearBlue has an issue with this. But then reading all the pregnant women being all, "I thought it was an evaporation line but I was actually pregnant!" freaked me out. But it did appear many hours later.. so it's gotta be that. Thank you anon, will double check the instructions next time too
>>148162
Thank you anon, I can get really scared of getting pregnancy as it would be difficult to get an abortion- and having a child could kill me at worst, disfigure me at best, and I don't want the child to grow up without a mother or a disabled mother. Next test I take I'm just going to throw the damn thing away in time before I start freaking out again. Rationally I realize the chance of pregnancy here is so low that I'd be more likely to be mauled by my cat in my sleep. Thank you anon for reassuring me!

No. 148172

File: 1597826236797.jpg (Spoiler Image, 233.37 KB, 603x900, why_me.jpg)

Hey anons, please help, is this cellulite? Totally looks like it but I've never had any major weight loss/gain, I watch my diet, I exercise (maybe not enough?). Does anti-cellulite creams work or is it a waste of money?

No. 148173

>>148172
Yes it is. The skin on top of the muscle is saggy and has some fat.

I run approx 30km a week(plus walking everywhere) and I also have that shit (you cant see it unless the sun is right above, Im sure in your case is the same way). I bought a "tightening" cream and it hasnt worked for me (maybe you can find one that does, if so lmk ).

>>148151
Its an evaporation line. Dont worry about it. Next time after the alloted time, check the results and throw the darned thing away!

No. 148175

>>148173
Thanks for the answer. Sun is right above here indeed, I just hope it's not as visible all the time… I guess I'll just accept it, such is life. I envy your motivation to run so much and so regularly btw! Your legs muscles must be super nice.

No. 148186

>>148148

God I'm so happy to hear I'm not the only one.
I don't like self-diagnosing but damn I didn't really know what it was until now but something clicked when I read up on it
Pavlov-ing it sounds like a great idea but I'm not sure how effective it would be. As ironic as this sounds, are you willing to talk on discord or something? I'll totally understand if you ghost me forever at a random point, I just wanna hear your experiences with this bs.

No. 148190

>>148175
Thanks but I hate my calves- they are huuuge because of running.
Btw I read before that you can also "brush" that part of the legs with a dry brush in a circular motion to try to help tighten the skin. I know theres a name to this but I cant think of it right now.

No. 148191

>>148172
no offense anon but you look skinny, without muscles. Weighted squats could help but it's also possible it's just your genetics or hormones. Hit or miss but working out won't hurt, just remember to adjust your diet

No. 148193

>>148191
none taken because it's true, I'm still recovering from last year injury that forced me to stay in bed for 5 months, rebuilding muscles is hard but I'm working out regularly - I suppose it's taking long because I can't push myself too hard yet. Maybe that's also the reason I'm noticing cellulite now, it could have been there before but I just had more muscle which maybe made it less visible?

No. 148197

>>148151
Honey those evap lines are bitches. You're gonna be okay. Clear blue is fucking AWFUL. I say that as someone who literally had a baby too. Fuck. Dont waste your money on that shit in the future. Get pink dye tests from a dollar store. I swear to you. (You're totally not pregnant anyway but just fyi clear blue fucks your whole head up with their shitty ass tests)

No. 148203

>>148122
>>148148

i'm the same way anons. i don't wanna get too vent-y but god it sucks and has destroyed almost all my friendships. i'm alone as shit.
its normally not a conscious effort on my part, i just forget to respond because i really don't use my phone anymore. i deleted all my social media a while back and i do all my internet browsing on my laptop. def not normal zoomer behavior, but i'm working on it.
what's helped me is just setting up specific times to check my phone and it's become a habit now. when i had more friends and more unread texts i'd write "reply to texts" on a to-do list lol. but lists in general help me so idk if that'd work for you. hope you guys figure it out

No. 148205

How to deal with pangs of extreme lonliness? I have always been a fairly lonely person and I can tolerate it most days but this week has been hell, I feel terrible because I have no one to talk to and usually I just distract myself during these sorta moments but it isn't working this time and I've just been weeping like a leaky faucet. I can't even focus on my studies because of this which are really, really important rn

No. 148207

How do I let go of all the mistakes I’ve made in the past?

No. 148210

>>148207
Make new ones.

No. 148213

File: 1597851522945.png (19.28 KB, 590x179, pupy.png)


No. 148214

>>148207
Whenever there is a similiar situation in the future, do not repeat the mistake again. This helps me because it reminds me I am not that person anymore and changed my ways.

No. 148217

>>148203
Oh my god, are you me?
What helped for me was making friends at work, so like, I HAD to reply to whatever their message was on the off chance that their message was important. Giving an external motivation really helped, even though I still fucked up from time to time.
This sense of urgency slowly spilled over to my not-work friends and while I still have really bad days, I remember how shit it is to be all alone and I try to reply as best I can.

>>148205
anon give us a way to contact you and maybe we can be friends! :)

No. 148218

>>148205
I prefer my own company to anybody else's but I also still get lonely. Tbh I play those LoFi MuSiC BeaT tO ReLaX tO in the background, play a dumb comfort show like friends on the background, or watch some silly youtube on drama (I hate everyone involved in these situations and think they're all idiots but I love a 1hr video like edwin/dasha throwing shit at eachother like monkeys) also I make my living space really cozy so the loneliness almost feels comfortable if that makes sense.

However, it sounds like you are actually a social person who needs the contact. Any reason you don't feel you have anyone to talk to? Is it an anxiety thing or your circumstances?

No. 148223

>>148218
Lmao I also love watching those drama videos, even if I rarely know all of the parties involved. I think I'll just put some buzz in the bg while I try to study.
I feel like I crave contact with other people but whenever I get the opportunity to talk I don't take it. Which is why I don't have any friends, because I never tried making any. I feel like no one would be interested in what I have to say or what I think so I prefer not to talk at all and waste people's time who are just listening to me to be polite and it just makes me feel embarassed to even think about talking and saying stuff… does that make sense? So I am usually alone, which I mostly don't mind. I actually prefer it. Apart from times like these.

>>148217
Maybe I should make a discord acc and add anons from here? I've been thinking about it but I've never had online friends so I have no idea how it would go…

No. 148228

>>148223
You should definitely do that anon!

Anons I've made a small discord server for us to talk to each other and make friends (besides the friend finder discord)
All are welcome!
https://discord.gg/rzavEyh

No. 148231

File: 1597856068561.jpg (14.44 KB, 300x250, 2bf0c8ebade8d2fddb1c9095864cb7…)

A black friend of mine added me to a server recently that has a lot of his own friends on it. It hasn't even been two days and they're already sperging about the wypipo in general, mayo and eggshell shittalking, and talking about how they'd bodyslam "whiteys making ethnic food". It really annoys me, and makes me uncomfortable as a white eurofag that just has to sit there and read this bullshit.

I don't wanna be there anymore, but I don't know how to leave without it being suspicious. I've known this dude for a year and it's mostly him messaging me first, so I really don't know how to approach this, since in a way I don't wanna be his friend anymore either after seeing how he thinks of a group I belong to. Should I just abandon the discord account and slowly disappear?

No. 148234

>>148231
You can mute the server for a start. If you're not friends IRL just quit and remove him from your friendlist you literally don't owe any explaination. You have that power use it. Even if you know each other irl it's just a one year "friendship" no big loss. Do it.

No. 148240

>>148228
nta but there's a friend finder discord? i honestly have no idea how to use discord properly so idk if i'll join but that's an awesome idea. i feel like lots of anons here are lonely for the same reasons and i wish we could all be friends but clearly friendship is more complicated than that.

No. 148259

Three doctors told me it's very likely I have anxiety whenever I see them for physical problems, I doubt I can see a therapist to have an official diagnosis or get better for that now so I'd like to know what I can do to make it easier to deal with until then, if there are any anons who have or had to deal with occasional panic attacks and just feeling very stressed all of a sudden, sometimes for no particular reason.

No. 148261

i'm 5 lbs away from underweight and i've lost weight everywhere besides my stomach. not a BDD anachan i just have a fat as fuck stomach and it looks even worse now that i have no tits. i think i could stand to lose at least 10 more lbs but idk. should i stop?
i know the response is to fix it with toning/lifting but idek where to start with that stuff and i'm too stupid to figure it out.

No. 148263

>>148261
youtube and google have tons of dumbed down content about this.
look up "beginner abs workout" (spoiler: it's probably gonna be too hard at first, just do half or a quarter or take longer breaks). there are also sheets on google but those are a bit harder to commit to than trying to match someone in a video, imo.

but look up how to do proper crunches etc. you could cause back pain if you do it badly.

No. 148276

>>148263
What are ab exercises gonna do when there's a layer of fat covering them? Can't spot reduce.

It sounds like anon just has an apple shaped body and will lose weight from her stomach last. Sucks to be so close to underweight but normal diet advice (caloric deficit + lifting) applies here.

No. 148288

>>148276
I’m sure that, being 5 pounds away from underweight, anon’s stomach isn’t actually so fucking fat that she wouldn’t be able to see even slight muscle definition
But yeah, building muscle & losing fat would help

No. 148544

Need some non-romantic relationship advice. About 4 months ago I did something really shit and hurt a friend, who no longer wants to interact with me, and fair enough. A mutual friend of ours had a real go at me and I apologised, but said it would be better to speak about this in person. She didn’t respond to me, but I wasn’t expecting an immediate answer. I asked if she would meet up with me a week or so later, and nothing. Some personal events she knew about happened during that time and now, like my birthday and starting a new job, and I heard nothing from her. I assumed our friendship was over too and just left it. Now suddenly I’ve just got a message asking when I can meet her to talk. Thing is, I’ve now moved on and…I don’t want to talk to her? Would I be a raging cunt to say that? Am I obligated now to meet her? Our friendship will definitely be less moving forward because she’s mutual with the girl I hurt, so should I just let it go, or is that the irresponsible thing to do? I’m genuinely not sure, I just want to be done with this horrible saga and work on myself and my life.

No. 148559

>>148544
You're not obligated to meet up with her but you shouldn't be "a raging cunt" either. Just tell her no and what you told us here.

No. 148696

Any advice on how to proceed with having a crush on someone you've seen online? He lives in a different country but we seem to have a lot in common. I don't know how to approach getting his attention

No. 148705

>>148696
Try to forget about it and move on, and I'm saying this as someone who's been in many LDRs. They're not real and they're not worth the pain.

No. 148706

>>148705
I get that thats your own experience, maybe it was something about an LDR that simply didn't work for you, but I've been in one before and the LD part wasn't a problem. I have several friends who are happily married to their LDR they met online. Again, I understand what you're saying, but thats your own experience. LDR is something I've done before and am happy to do it again. I just don't know how to break the ice with this person without looking desperate

No. 148716

>>148706
Taking to someone when both parties are interested is pretty easy. Sometimes the other person might be a little introverted but even so you shouldn't have to beg for attention. But seriously… another country? I wouldn't bother.

No. 149953

I really want to do nsfw art commissions but I'm afraid of how it's going to affect my real life relationships and my psychology. I
I already am a bit of a degenerate and I'm afraid of slipping down a potential slippery slope. Half of me says I should make the most of it and monetize something I enjoy doing anyway, and the other half tells me I'll end up normalizing things that shouldn't be normalized and end up as a creepy delusional porn addict.
Should I do it?

No. 149958

>>149953
You know yourself the best and if you know that realistically it's a possibilty that it's going to affect your relationships and psychology, then no, don't risk it. Your relationships and psychology are more valuable than the money you could make imo.

No. 149968

My father is having a midlife crisis and is dating a girl 2 years older than me. Should I try to sabotage the relationship and save him the embarrassment or let them be? She's clearly a gold digger but she's ugly so it's not even worth it. Should I stay out of it?

No. 149975

>>149968
I don't think you need to sabotage the reationship you can just be direct, "She's two years older than myself but she's not even pretty and her personality sucks I'm disappointed your standards are so low."

No. 149987

>>149968
Hes a grown man. Mind your business.

No. 149988

>>149987
I feel like I agree. If the relationship is genuinely affecting you negatively I think you should be able to tell your dad but outside of that he is his own dumbass.

No. 149989

>>149987
What a joke, 'grown men' should feel some sort of obligation to make sure their children comfortable with their life choices. I'd be fucking disgusted if my dad ever dated someone near my age, and I would make it 100% clear to him how repulsive I find it. If he kept that shit up I would distance myself from him, it would feel like pure betrayal to know that someone who is supposed to love and protect me more than anyone else thinks of women my age as potential partners.

No. 150038

>>149989
anon is being kind of selfish. she doesn't know anything about the girl or their relationship.

No. 150052

>>150038
>father dating a girl 2 years older than his daughter
she knows all she needs to, fuck off pedo

No. 150056

Reposting from the employment thread

Am I supposed to feel bad for being in my mid twenties and leeching off my parents like a bum?

I still haven't graduated from college yet and I'm taking time off because of Coronavirus. I recently found a volunteering position teaching preschoolers in Alaska that I'm 75% leaning towards. It pays a stipend below minimum wage but I suppose I could have enough to get by while I'm there.

On the other hand, I live nowhere near Alaska and there's no way I could justify relocating there if I had to use my own savings. My parents said they were down to help out and have more than enough money but I feel like a bum. I never wanted to grow up to be a trust fund kid yet here I am.

If it matters I'm not going to be in one of the super exotic parts of Alaksa, I'm going to be in Juneau which is only a two hour flight away from Seattle.

No. 150082

>>150056
It’s fine anon, we live in a very different time compared to our parents. They want to help you, and arguably should help you considering you are their child and that’s what good parents do. Let them. It would be one thing if you were choosing to take their cash when you could already easily provide for yourself, but that’s not the case here.

I asked my mother if I could move back in with her in my late 20s after a divorce and I didn’t want to spent like 80% of my income on a shitty apartment close to my job. When I had more of a financial float and was stable, I moved back out. I felt guilty initially but she was honestly happy to have me around again and it prevented me from struggling 100x more at the time.

That being said, I’m not sure why you need to go through all the trouble of relocating. Are there no jobs that at least pay minimum wage in your area?

No. 150091

>>150056
If your parents say that, they mean it. I lived with my parents for a LONG time after graduating and kept offering to help with paying the bills or groceries or whatever else, and they just kept telling me to save my money for myself. The nicest thing you could do for them is to spend/save your earned money wisely. Sometime down the road, treat them to a nice dinner.

No. 150110

>>150082
Sure, there's plenty of jobs. But my goal is to move out, be back in normal society again, and do something that looks good on my resume. Working a minimum wage at the grocery store while risking catching coronavirus doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I like the idea of going somewhere exotic like Alaska, and apparently covid levels are really low in the community I'm in so I'll have a better chance of connecting with people without worrying about getting sick. I think my job would seem kind of meh for my resume, but anything with Americorps looks better than a minimum wage job, and I think it would look good with grad school.

No. 150231

File: 1599273753444.jpg (103.35 KB, 664x1177, drmar300951071b_q2_2-0._SX664_…)

So, I bought a brand new pair of Doc Martens last month, in the Jadon style, a size up from my regular size. I've worn them on a date walking around a park for 3 hours, I've worn them inside all day, to the store, and just lounging around, but I just can't seem to break them in and make them stop hurting. Every time I wear them, I wear a thick pair of men's socks folded over my heels, but it doesn't seem to work, and my ankles are fucked because of it. I've even worn band aids because of it, but it doesn't seem to help. Do any doc-owning anons have any advice for how to break them in so they stop fucking my ankles? I'll do anything at this point, they're too cute and expensive to not wear them.

No. 150242

>>150231
Same actually I've had a pair of docs for 3 years but I'm too scared to break them in b/c they hurt so much despite wearing socks etc

No. 150245

>>150231
DM lifer here. You're going to want to wear them little and often until they are fully broken in. Double up your socks, triple if you need to. Try and get some padding like moleskin inners to put on the pressure points like your ankle or heel. This will make it so you can wear them for longer to help soften the leather and stop your feet getting cut up. What I do as well as this, is to scrunch up newspaper into balls and tightly stuff them into my boots when I'm not wearing them. It helps with giving them a little outward stretch and your feet a rest. You say you have been wearing them at home, but when you do this, try moving your feet about in weird positions to strain against the shoe. You will look crazy but it honestly does help. Other than this, just keep at it. They will break eventually and you wont be able to stop wearing them! Stock up on bandaids and have at it, anon.

No. 150277

File: 1599326005986.gif (144.4 KB, 328x400, unnamed.gif)

>>150245
Here's a crown for being such a queen anon, I didn't expect such a detailed how-to! I'm going to try everything you said, I can't stand the idea of putting these in the back of my closet just because they hurt.

No. 150369

>>150277
You are very welcome. Don't give up on them just yet. You will be prancing about in them come Winter!

No. 150741

Anons, how do I stop being so paranoid over someone I know finding cp of me? I like to think that logically the possibility is very little but the fear and the paranoia gets so strong I can barely breathe. I'm going to start uni in the next month and all I can think is someone from the uni will know what I used to do and then the news will spread and I'll have to kill myself to escape it. I just cannot take the burden, I was a young teen in the images and videos but it won't make a difference explaining that I was groomed because where I live that excuse won't fly. The blame will be on me for being a whore. It will literally ruin my fucking life, if it hasn't ruined it already. Is my paranoia justified?

No. 150742

>>150741
It's really unlikely someone will just stumble into cp and recognize you anon. If you have some enemy or something i would be more worried, but something that could help is to think about the worst case scenario and see there is not much you can do. Wheter you live in fear and avoid talking to people or going to uni or you enjoy your experience up to that point, it might happen anyway. But by worrying yourself to the point of not being able to breathe you end up suffering in advance and probably needlessly. Does that make sense?
Also you can build strong friendships with good people who will stay by your side even if the worst happens, i assume you live somewhere more conservative too but young people are much more understanding and chances are you will meet someone who was abused/groomed in some way as well.
You won't have to kill yourself anon, if worst comes to worst and literally everyone in town hates your guts for something you did as a groomed teen, you can aways move somewhere it won't be a problem. You can aways start over somewhere else, so please hang on.

No. 150769

>>150741
Unless its tied to your name I wouldn't worry about it too much, anon. At this point there are so many millions of videos out there that the odds of someone finding yours is nearly impossible, and even then, noone would probably recognize you, especially as you get older. As time goes by those old videos will become less and less propagated online as they are crowded out by the never ending inflow of new material and you will become less and less recognizable. Every day that goes by the chances of it ever being connected to you is increasingly unlikely. I know it's hard not to stress about it, but try to forget about it and put it out of your mind whenever you think of it :(

No. 150773

>>150742
This will come across as stupid but I never thought about how much I'm needlessly worrying right now for something that might not even happen. Like me thinking about all the 'what if's every day isn't gonna do anything about what happens in the future. I should focus more on things that make me happy and things I can do to help my future self rather than wallow in the past. Thank you anon, I know at least one person that will be by ny side if anything happens, a cousin, and really that's good enough for now. I will do my best for my uni and I will try not to say no to new experiences out of fear and paranoia. I appreciate you anon.
>>150769
You're right that the chances are really, really low. I wouldn't say my name was attached for the most part, only about 2 men knew my actual name but they are so far away that I don't think they can do anything. It sucks to never know if someone has those files in their harddrive or something but it is not in my control and so, worrying about it is useless. I hope anything I shared and anything that was shared without my knowledge will become long forgotten in the sea of the internet. I will remember your reply whenever I get extremely paranoid. Thank you, you're very kind.

No. 151048

Anons who've been randomly ghosted by a long-time friend for seemingly no reason, how did you cope with it and how did you eventually move on?

No. 151049

>>151048
I'm still pissed 15 years layer, despite one of them being dead for a while now.

It took 5 years for me to find out the reason why this couple I was tight with ghosted me, and it had absolutely nothing to do with me, while I spent years wondering what did I do wrong. I'm pissed they could just drop me one day like that, I'm pissed I was given no explanation, I'm pissed it was for no good reason, I'm ashamed I was tricked into thinking they are my friends.

I have no problem feeling this way, those feelings are adequate, and it's not like I think about it often.

No. 151051

>>151048
as someone who's been on the other side: they probably don't care about you and don't think about you anymore so don't waste emotional energy on that person.

No. 151055

Last time I talked to my friend was 2 years ago, we were super close back then even tho we had ups and downs too. The reason why i havent talked to her for 2 years because I was really busy with work and moving out to other country by myself.

I am really worried if it'd be too awkward to message her after all this time, because my last msg to her was "I am really busy, I will write you when I will be free. Sorry!"

But the other awkward part is that she is a little bit incel-ish towards people I guess, and If i mention that I moved out of our horrible country she will be really jealous about it, because I've known her for 9 years. Other than that she is a nice girl, even though she has her own moments.

Not too sure what to do about it.

No. 151068

>>151055
Well, if you don't reach out to her there's only one possible outcome - you won't get back in touch. If you do though, there's two: either you won't get back in touch because she won't want to, which is the same as the first case outcome, or she will want to stay in touch so you get a friend back. Logically it makes no sense to not reach out.

No. 151070

>>151051
you have a point but you also sound like a pos because it's not like the person you turned your back on can just stop feeling like that

No. 151265

>>147758
it's honestly weird why people want cuvier bodies nowadays, I remember getting teased a lot because of my curves and people wanting to be tall skinny models. Since becoming a young adult I end up attracting a lot of unnecessary attention and men wanting to have sex with me.

No. 151268

Is there any way I can help my mother? My mom is a really depressed, suicidal person with extreme anger issues. I don't blame her because her life has been awful to her. My dad left her a month before I was born so she has been taking care of me and my sister alone in an extremely sexist, dangerous country. Back when she was with her husband her life was awful due to her MIL. Now, she's barely living, just an empty person, she doesn't have friends, she stays home all day and does nothing, cries a lot, lashes out a lot. Throws things, breaks things. I've asked her to maybe join some gym or some cookung group and make friends, maybe grt therapy, but she refuses. She's getting fatter and sadder. I love her so much and I just want her to be happy.

No. 151284

>>151268
It's a very hard situation, I'm sorry you find yourself in it anon. So hard to see a person you love struggle but refuse to let you help them. Therapy is the best she could get for herself but it would he hard to force her to do anything herself. I wonder if it would be an option for you to go and see a therapist, tell you how the situation is like. If you like the therapist yourself and think they're gonna be a good help for your mom, just schedule the next meeting and take her with you; maybe if she wouldn't have to go through all of the planning / scheduling phase, had it laid out for her and in general it would seem more like an invitation to join as opposed to "you must see a therapist" approach, she would respond more positively?

No. 151383

>>151268
Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do if she's not willing to take the necessary steps to get herself help. Would she be willing to try some more body-based healing methods if she's not into traditional therapy? Your mom definitely needs something that targets trauma, specifically, which lives in the body. Would she try something like yoga?

No. 151384

>>151268
Maybe you can take your mother out, do something nice together? Or do some fun home activities together? Just starting small maybe

No. 151421

File: 1600146403457.jpg (73.23 KB, 810x320, Screenshot_20200915-010528_Dis…)

Should I keep being friends with green? Conversations go like this all the fucking time and I'm honestly tired of it.

Green can't take one single fucking comment of mine without just ruining the moment or responding in a very literal way.

If someone said "I feel useless" the appropriate response is "You're not" right? Am I fucking retarded?

No. 151423

>>151421
No way, drop em. This kind of person is an emotional vampire. Anyone could see you're trying to help, they're using you as a punching bag to feel better about themselves. Not worth your time.

No. 151441

>>151421
She needs help and you need to stay away from this energy thief.

No. 151459

>>151421
Leave before she drains all the life out of you

No. 151460

>>151421
Looks like a drained person who would rather waste hours of whining because it brings them attention rather than actually becoming a better version of yourself.

Honestly, I would drop it. I've been used by these kinds of people a lot and they are just ungrateful shits who think that the only way to get attention is to always whine, whine and whine.

No. 151461

>>151421
>I feel [x] even if I know I'm not [x]
I hate these people. Why do they think such a minor thing is revelant enough to confess? They're just moody.

No. 151468

>>151421
she certainly seems useless

No. 151494

Anyone else deal with dermatophagia? I've had it since I was a kid and this whole pandemic shit just made it worse. I used to be able to handle it by getting fake nails. Since they weren't as sharp as regular nails I couldn't really break the skin. Since lockdown I haven't been able to get them done so I started picking at the skin around my fingers and now I'm picking at the skin on my feet! My poor fucking heels are so torn up and they hurt so much, I can barely walk sometimes and bleed on the floor. It's so embarrassing. I've tried keeping socks on and moisturizing but I inevitably take the socks off from being too hot and the lotion doesn't seem too effective in softening them even though it's for cracked/dry skin. Any anons have a good method of stopping the picking and something that will help the healing?

No. 151498

>>151460
>they are just ungrateful shits who think that the only way to get attention is to always whine, whine and whine.
holy shit anon you've just articulated why I can't with this kind of person. A friend from my old friend group was like this, but only to me, always bitching and complaining about her life and it killed my mood constantly, made me feel like I couldn't share or enjoy anything good in her company. I finally snapped and dumped her, and holy shit I got so much backlash from it from the group because they all only got her soft uwu persona who was sad enough to keep them pitying her but not draining enough for them to actually resent her.

God sorry for the rant but becoming someones emotional shitting ground is an awful position to be in.

No. 151499

There is this friend with benefits. I love him, my heart flutters whenever I'm talking to him and he loves me too. But he is extremely bad at sex (he was a virgin). The benefits are usually cuddling.
If I go into a relationship with him we'd both want it to remain monogamous, so poly is not an option. Do I just explore other people or believe in him that he will get better?

No. 151500

>>151499
what's bad about it? sex is like anything else, with enough practice and more importantly guidance, improvement will come. You might have to take the reins for a while, but if you're up to invest the time, you'll have a guy who you've crafted to only your preferences and pleasures and that sounds pretty fucking good to me.

No. 151507

>>151494
>I started picking at the skin around my fingers and now I'm picking at the skin on my feet
I do that too, anon. My feet is always bleeding because of that. It's disgusting and embarrassing but I can't just stop.

No. 151561

I recently realized I don't like sex, but I'm still attracted to men. So I changed my sexuality to asexual on ok cupid and met a cute asexual guy. We talked for about a week, shared some edgy memes, etc.

But now we're arguing feminism and he's on the "women want superiority not equality" boat… Very disappointing, especially from a non-conforming person. It doesn't help that I've been getting more and more disgusted at males for being cumbrains and violent misogynists. Reading about forced hysterectomies, rape, just news in general, we're so mistreated in this world. And taking a break from the news doesn't help because this shit is everywhere. It legit makes me want to kill myself. I feel like I'm in this pit of despair where women are burned at the stake and that's normal and acceptable for some reason. Will it ever change? Should I just eat a bullet and be done with it???

Sorry I'm not making a lot of sense, I'm just really angry…

No. 151571

File: 1600269736382.jpg (16.99 KB, 300x300, 300px-ccwpu.jpg)

>>151507
Glad to hear I'm not alone. I wish there was some sort of easy fix. I keep trying to leave my fingers alone so I can finally go to the nail salon now that some are open again, but I don't even realize when I'm picking again. And those techs are never shy about pointing out issues you have.

No. 151583

>>151561
I'm not trying to play devil's advocate for an asshole, obviously I know nothing about this guy, but I just want to say that I've met some good men (and women, for that matter) who aren't really on board with "feminism" for legit reasons. I think for a lot of people it depends on how it's defined. Feminism used to be about important shit, like suffrage and the ability to have a job outside the home and not allowing marital rape. Now there's been a lot of pushing for completely banal agendas like free the titty, use whatever pronouns you like, the #MeToo leader is a rapist herself, etc. Johnny Depp was accused of being abusive and nearly gets "cancelled" then it turns out Amber Heard is the psycho.

I'm not saying when it comes to "real" feminism that any of the original issues stopped being important, just that recent topics like this have watered down that original purpose for a lot of people. Sometimes to the point where it seems many self-purported feminists believe women are always right even when the woman in question is objectively a piece of shit or hurting other women. So someone may believe "men and women deserve equal treatment and opportunities" but still not identify as a feminist due to all this.

There's so much black and white thinking in the world right now, I believe it's beneficial to actually stop and listen to someone when they communicate an opinion that might seem negative at first. Most people's views are more measured and moderate than they express, but because people have this tendency to immediately lash out and shut down whenever it seems their own views are in question, decent discussions are hard to come by. Maybe/hopefully the guy you've been talking to is a decent person if you probe a bit deeper, and you could help expand his perspective while also learning where he's coming from?

And honestly, especially around here on lolcow, I see a lot of radfem "down with men, all scrotes are evil" talk. It can make this place feel like a little sanctuary when you've dealt with a lot of misogyny, but in the long-term it's really disheartening and pushes the idea that all men are terrible monsters when they really aren't. Please don't get trapped in a bubble of bad news and let it bring you down to such a desperate point, anon. It's true there are a lot of bad people out there, but there's also a lot of good. Try to focus on pulling some of that into your life as well.

No. 151592

>>151284
Thank you for your suggestion about the therapy anon, I think maybe normalizing therapy and seeking help might make her less reluctant to try it herself. Like, for now she only sees therapy as something that crazy people require and while I try to make her understand that's not the case, but firmly held beliefs are hard to dissuade. I still think she might budge on it someday. It's hard seeing her so stagnant and lifeless sometimes. Thank you for the sympathies anon, I really just want her happy.
>>151383
>>151384
I have tried to get her become more physically active, like going on walks together everyday and exercising with her etc, and that does make her happy. But her motivation is so fickle, she has been trying to lose weight for years but gives up in a week every time. I suppose food makes her happy. I will try to help her out as much as I can even though it gets really hard sometimes because talking to her is such a test, anything can set her off. Thank you anons for lending me an ear.

No. 151610

File: 1600293210061.png (582.39 KB, 750x750, hamster crying on sofa.png)

Left a friend group a year ago. I still think about them and cry a lot to this day. I'm undergoing therapy and meds. I don't know if I'm improving. I don't know if I should go back since I was the major problem in the group. Any advice?

No. 151612

i didn't know which thread to post this in cause there was too many it could've fit in but whatever.
i have naturally curly hair (im white so not kinky just curly) that i straightened habitually for years with straightening irons. i stopped straightening it about..6-7 months ago? and my curl pattern has returned, but i have developed this obsession over playing with my hair that i cannot stop doing. i constantly pull at my ends of my hair and pick them, especially the split ends. i took it upon myself to cut off most of the split ends but i still can't stop, ive resorted to putting my hair in a loose low bun to stop feeling drawn to my hair which has helped, but i still do it in bed when i take my bum out. i was wondering if anyone else randomly developed this urge and what, if anything, helped you quit. i never had this problem when i straightened my hair, only now that it's curly and the texture isn't as "smooth" does it bother me and make me want to touch it all the time.

No. 151615

>>151583
Ayrt. Thanks anon. you're right about the black and white thinking, as soon as we disagreed on feminism my view of him changed completely and that isn't healthy. And I do need to stop consuming things that just feed my anger

No. 151622

File: 1600305710231.jpeg (829.58 KB, 1242x1035, 3D418CA9-EE6F-40DA-86F6-B4B9FB…)

>>151615
Thanks for listening. I hope the guy you’re talking to just has a more nuanced perspective and isn’t a jerk. But it makes me think of this director… if you don’t know the story, she made the recent Netflix movie “Cuties” about the sexualization of girls. Sadly, the way it was shot was very exploitive and essentially an exact copy of the media she was supposedly against. Then she goes and calls the movie feminist lol. It feels like the title has lost so much meaning and been very diminished over time. I do still personally call myself a feminist despite people like this claiming the same, but I understand why others have distanced themselves from the word and feel it’s no longer an adequate term. Take care of yourself anon!

No. 151625

>>151610
What problems were you causing anon? If it's not aggressive or destructive then I think you should go back and get support. If it is then you need to continue to work through your problems before going back.

No. 151650

>>151612
anon I know exactly what you mean. I've picked my split ends on and off for 10 years. I cut it short a few months ago to get rid of most of the damage and have a complete fresh start. I haven't picked my split ends since. I don't really have any advice for you since you said cutting it off didn't help for you, but maybe try finding a solution for the source of the picking (the curl and texture). Maybe you can find a hairproduct or oil or something like that that makes the texture more smooth and pleasant to touch?

No. 151662

Anons, I need advice. This girl in my friend group, have known her for 6 years.

> Used to be super close, especially when I was depressed and suicidal. I was addicted to an MMO and she enabled that, sometimes hanging out with her to play with another person in the room was the only irl social interaction I got all week. She would reach out sometimes when I went AWOL.


> I get intensive therapy and oops, only now I notice she's also been depressed and suicidal all along??? I try to be a better friend.


> She has a fall out with my roommate, I intend to remain friends with both but she pulls back from our friendship. She talks a lot of shit about my roommate, 90% of the time. I don't tell her off but don't go along with it either, just change the subject. (I'm no longer friends with the ex-roommate)


> Friend starts getting medication for her chronic illness, starts getting therapy for her traumatic upbringing. She shares absolutely zero about this with me. All the other girls in the friend group know, though.


> Every few weeks/months I try to make an effort and check in and hang out one on one, especially if she's cancelling on all the group's plans. She sees the other girls in our group weekly. She never reaches out to me first.


Fast forward to a couple of months ago. She REALLY pissed me off in a specific discussion while we were on a trip. I'm very uwu sensitive but also more confident because of therapy so instead of placating her I tell her she's being mean and run away crying like the confident kween I am. She doesn't apologize but is extra-friendly rest of the trip, even makes me play that MMO on her phone for a bit when the others leave us alone 'to talk things out' (we didn't talk anything out).

I haven't heard from her directly since the group trip. She's been to a few group hangouts but she cancels often because she's ill. She cancelled today and I'm wondering if I should reach out again and see if she wants a cup of tea just one on one next week.

Being her friend is honestly exhausting because our personalities are SO different now. I'm sure she thinks the same of me.

No. 151670

>>151662
>Being her friend is honestly exhausting
maybe it's time to let this friendship go then. Friends come and go in life, especially ones you've made while growing up. Sometimes while maturing and developing yourself as a person you discover you're no longer compatible as friends and that's ok. (sorry esl, I hope I'm making sense) Perhaps letting this one go can open up room for new friendships that are energizing to you rather than exhausting.

No. 151672

>>151662

> She REALLY pissed me off in a specific discussion while we were on a trip. I'm very uwu sensitive but also more confident because of therapy so instead of placating her I tell her she's being mean and run away crying like the confident kween I am. She doesn't apologize but is extra-friendly rest of the trip, even makes me play that MMO on her phone for a bit when the others leave us alone 'to talk things out' (we didn't talk anything out).


You sound exhausting too. Jesus

No. 151680

>>151672
We were at a cafe, had a dispute about the food. The other girls agreed I was wrong, I (politely?) disagreed and then this friend told me I was an embarrassment, in very bitchy wording. I felt ganged up on so I told her that was mean and left the table to cry and walk until I calmed down. Far from my proudest moment but I still don’t know how I could’ve handled that better.

No. 151681

Idk if this is the appropriate thread for this but what would you guys consider to be grooming? My family thinks I was groomed by this guy I had a relationship with but I'm not sure what I think. He was 10 years older and we started a LDR just as I turned 19, but we became friends right after I turned 17. It was totally platonic and I never felt uncomfortable but now that I'm older I wonder why would a 26 year old ever be friends with a highschooler? And not just friends but close friends, to the point we were doing video calls and talking about some really serious and intimate stuff. He even bought me perfumes from Victoria's Secret for my 18th birthday (though I remember him briefly bringing up a lingerie set as a potential option, but that's the only explicitly "creepy" thing he did). During the course of our relationship he engaged in different manipulation tactics so it's possible he did it to me before we started dating too, but I guess I've always seen grooming as something more insidious and intentional and I really don't know if he always intended was to turn our friendship into what it did, and like I said I was always okay with everything…so idk, maybe the label doesn't really matter but what do you all think?

No. 151683

>>151662
>I was depressed and suicidal
>I didn't even notice friend also been depressed and suicidal all along
>I'm no longer friends with my ex-roommate
>I'm very uwu sensitive but also more confident because of therapy
>I tell her she's being mean and run away crying
> I still don’t know how I could’ve handled that better
I honestly can't tell if this post is real or if it's someone larping as a BPDer

If it is real I don't even know what advice could be given, stay in therapy?

No. 151684

>>151681
> During the course of our relationship he engaged in different manipulation tactics
That just cements it. I've dated where there was a ten year age gap. I was an adult but I was also in a very vulnerable place at that time and he was a manipulative person. Whether you want to use the label of 'grooming' or not, it's all manipulation. It's causes the same emotional damage.

No. 151685

>>151680
nta but you sound even more exhausting after that explanation. What adult cries and runs away over a disagreement over food anyway. You sound 13.

No. 151694

>>151680
How old are you, anon-chan… You really need to get some work done with your therapist and give yourself some space from such… Well, triggering people if they do trigger you that much.

No. 151706

>>151694
I’m 26. The problem was that the restaurant couldn’t accomodate my allergies, I meant to eat my own food (some fruit) because they all ordered elaborate meals. I didn’t mind that they thought it was a weird thing to do, but I did mind when she started being mean about it. Yes crying about it was an overreaction, but that’s just the way she is: pushy until people do what she wants (i.e. I don’t eat until we leave the restaurant) and I couldn’t take it that day after she did that stuff all week during the trip. Lol this is what I mean with clashing personalities.

No. 151707

>>151706
Just wanna add I didn’t randomly start crying about food lol, the discussion was close to 20 mins and I tried to end it by just peeling my fkn orange and that’s when she got really bitchy so I left.

No. 151716

Why is it that I feel like I can't have any chemistry with most hot/attractive men I want to flirt with? I can hold a conversation just fine, but it never really goes anywhere unless I'm drunk as fuck and we have a ONS and they never call me back, but I am tired of that now. I can have super engaging or flirty convos with uglier guys I am not really into much more easily.

Is it because I'm pushing way out of my league and have too high standards, so the hot ones are just being nice with me by talking to me with nice platitudes ? Or maybe I lose my confidence when I talk to these guys and I scale down my usual antics/intensity and stick to safer stuff uncounsciously. Or maybe I am just boring but ugly guys take what they can. Or maybe I am fine but hot guys are so used to much better women and thus are not interested in me.



Anyway I feel like ONS material and it's starting to make me nervous and sad, especially when hotter/smarter/friendlier girls get the guys I want. I start ondering how the hell I even have friends. I think it may be messing with my libido too. I don't even want sex anymore.

No. 151724

>>151716
Regardless of the reasons, don't have sex so early on. A lot of people are looking to hook up and that's it. If you want to find someone you actually like as a person and have chemistry with, give you (and them) time to open up naturally. Don't feel like you have to rush things. If you find a good guy then he'll be willing to wait.

And why should it all be on you to be the charming, flirty one? Maybe it's not you but them. If these hot guys had an ounce of social prowess then perhaps they could contribute more and make the conversations fun themselves.

No. 151729

>>151625
I'll stay in therapy and meds to continue working on myself. I don't think I've resolved all my issues yet… Thank you for the advice anon.

No. 151731

>>151706
why do you call people who order at a restaurant you can't eat at for a legitimate reason and then demand you just sit and eat nothing while they eat their elaborate meals, your friends to begin with?

No. 151732

>>151716
You might be shooting above your league but people do that all the time and it works out still so, probably not the real reason. It's probably in your head, you're getting intimidated and it's making you come across stilted or something. Either way, as the other anon said it's fruitful to keep sexual tension going and not to crawl into bed in an intoxicated messy state. Just get used to being around the dude and interacting, take your time. Hot people tend to enjoy a harder chase since it's generally easy for them to get laid ordinarily.

No. 151734

a few months ago, i invited this girl to hang out with me and my bf a while ago and she enthusiastically agreed. i started telling her about my bfs interests and she suddenly blocked me.
i was confused but shrugged it off .

she messaged one of my best friends to tell him that i insulted her. luckily i messaged him the night before about the strange interaction and he totally took my side.

she messaged my bf a month or so later to tell him that i accused her of having an affair with him. convo was brief and there is no reasonable interpretation of anything i said to her as being that. i was charitable enough to apologise to her and act as though she might’ve misinterpreted me, but i know very well that she didn’t and this was a random act of spite and malice. i have no idea what her motive was.

my bf didn’t even ask for proof he just blindly believed her. i showed him our conversation and he still thinks i did it.

forgive me for this but also she was overweight and she was really flattering herself thinking that i would ever suspect her of homewrecking. i also know for a fact bf isn’t into women as large as her.

she is actually a well known lolcow and her thread necro’d a while ago, but by the looks of her thread, she already has a lot of enemies and i understand why.

No. 151739

>>151734
> i was charitable enough to apologise to her
that's not charitable that's just fucking stupid

No. 151741

>>151734
That sounds pretty batshit but the fact that she did go ahead and block you at the time.. she maybe does believe you said something dodgy? Sounds like some bpd level coping mechanism. Shitting on you before you get the chance to reject her or screw her over? Maybe she just loves drama and sympathy

> i also know for a fact bf isn’t into women as large as her

I dated a guy who never stopped being mean about fat women. I'm slim but I still found it a turn off to listen to how vocal he was about his fucking preference all the time.. he cheated on me with one large woman and he's still with her to this day

No. 151755

everyone says i’m really terrible and stupid and annoying so should i just abandon any pretence of becoming a good person and just become a villain. i can’t keep friends. i’m constantly rejected by people i try to befriend. better to be loved than feared

No. 151767

>>151755
And this belongs in the advice thread why?? Pack it up, bpdchan

No. 151770

>>151650
i actually only cut off a very tiny amount, not enough to really make a huge difference. i bet if i were go get an actual trim id be much less likely to mess with them. i haven't gotten a real haircut in years lol. my hair is also really thin and still has alot of damage from bleaching 3 years ago..so that is probably not helping my case! ive avoided cutting it because i just wanted it to GROW but i think ignoring the fucked up split ends has just made it grow even less than it would have if I'd just gotten a haircut. ill definitely get a trim. thank you for your help <3

No. 151896

>>147310
Hot to deal with overthinking/catastrophizing?

My mind aways goes to the worst case scenario and makes plans for it but it's usually not enough and i keep worrying about what i will do once it arrives.

Like:
>my friend wants to go hiking
> oh fuck there way less people there due to corona
> we will get robbed and raped
> i will need meds and they might not work i might get pregnant
> i won't be able to get an abortion because it's illegal
> so i will kill myself
> what would be the best methods
> i might fail and be paralyzed

And it keeps going on and on like this, aways ending in death or some situation where i will suffer the rest of my life. It makes me want to never leave the house again and makes me do some stupid shit to protect myself.

No. 151918

>>151896
Mix of radical acceptance and mindfulness? To some extent I think planning for negative scenarios is good because it will keep you prepared should something ever go down, but the only thing you have control of in life is you. Someone could break into your house and attack you or you could get run over just crossing a quiet street. I’m not saying that to scare you, just that sometimes, shit happens and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. We can only deal with the aftermath. Past a certain point, worrying about a potential scenario doesn’t do you any good or help you prevent it from happening. So you might as well try to enjoy things in the moment as you’re experiencing them. If something bad actually occurs, you deal with it one step at a time from there. But usually nothing goes down, and you get more and more comfortable doing things without as much stress surrounding them. I think it’s okay to go down a safety checklist, but once you’ve done that, accept that you’ve done all you can and do your best to stay focused on appreciating the things that are actually around you rather than futures that haven’t occurred.



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