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No. 37166
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>tfw no admin bf
No. 37728
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>Talking to boyfriend a few weeks ago, expressing that I wish we were more spontaneous
>Point out that we never just get up and do something fun or go out, it has to be planned at least two weeks beforehand.
>Just want to do something fun without planning out every detail
>He disagrees and says he likes to plan things out and it's better that way.
>Fast forward to a couple nights ago
>Been depressed and over all not well lately
>Boyfriend wants to have sex, I turn him down
>He huffs and says I'm the not spontaneous one.
>mfw
I probably wouldn't be so mad if he actually cared that I don't enjoy/want sex anymore but he just whines about how I don't take care of him. This is the most unhealthy bit of our otherwise good relationship.
No. 37751
>>37743I have tried to talk about it, and even from the beginning of our relationship I warned him there might be times that I would want nothing to do with sex.
There's a lot of stress in our relationship currently, mainly because of him, and he just doesn't want to accept responsibility or even sympathize with my feelings but would rather get offended that I don't want sex at all the same exact times he does.
Sage for rambling.
No. 37791
>>37751I sympathize anon. I've been in your position and eventually we had to break up.
>>37785That really sucks. My bffs mom is bipolar and I avoid her like the plague but the times I've been around her have been hell, I can't imagine how bad it is when it's family. When she was medicated she was very nice but often she was off them and drunk to boot. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
No. 37825
>>37824*cat
*vet
Fuck my phone's autocorrect, it's garbage
No. 37845
My face became a black and blue lumpy mess today after calling my grandfather a shit for taking a video of me crying and screaming hysterically after my mother and grandmother said that they hope I get raped ( I was in a situation where it was very possible ) They said it with a grin on their faces. He chocked me first and I continued saying he is a shit ( I wanted to have some stupid dignity of standing my ground) I said it in this fucking squirl voice since I couldn't breath. He then continued to slap me and then started bunching me in the face into a wall. I almost pissed myself since all muscles felt weak… I then fell on the ground and and he kicked me, when I got up the punching continued with two fists, I continued saying you shit. I hoped he would knock me unconscious (or dead), my life has been a complete mess lately. (abusive ex left me with nothing) He laughed when I said just kill me and said he won't get in trouble because of me. I was full of snot and droll from lack of muscle control and they all laughed it off. Later I became hysterical and they took a video laughing. My mom said she'd call the police because I was crying trying to leave the house to find my dad (They blocked all exits) I said if you don't want me here let me leave, she said she'd call and say I'm psychotic walking in the roads ect. I just started screaming because there was no way out and they continued laughing. She said she'd call the police ( My scalp was bloody from hair pulled, hair all over everything, I didn't see my face but it was swollen and blue) I said that I'm an 48kg girl who got hit by a 100+ kg guy, and she laughed and said she'd say it's self deference, since I wouldn't leave her property. I cried out that it's not true they won't believe you, she said her and my grandma would say it and it's my word against hers.
The police here are so useless and corrupt I knew I'd get locked up, and rape is so common in cells here. When my dad finally came home I told him what my mom had said, he said she wouldn't say that and looked at her and she didn't deny it so he just walked away and later I said buy me a ticket home and he said I probably took what they said out of context.
She said ''I'll take you to the cells here and they won't care about the details, they'd love to get their hands on a young pretty girl in there.'' and my Grandmother scoffed and said '' I hope you get raped'' and chuckled.
This whole event started because I said ''God help me'' in a store and my mother elbowed me hard in the chest, cussed at me and stormed off.
Then started calling me things to my grandmother and they continued to humiliate me loudly in the crowd and I became so frustrated I started yelling once we were alone about how I came here to get help from family after the relationship and they treat me like shit. I was crying in the car and she laughed and said she'd send me to this local mental institute. I got so mad she said I was mental for crying after she publicly assaulted (It was so hard I got winded for a moment) and then humiliated me for saying god's name in vain. (In a language she does not speak, she apparently has learnt that phrase though). I must point out I said it very casually and was shocked after the elbow.
This whole event is so surreal.. It happened continuously as a child, after some investigating finally someone helped me out the situation and moved me to my other grandmothers place. I thought now that I'm an adult she wouldn't continue this.
I feel so lonely, my ex took away everything. (Only reason I pathetically cried that I want to spend time with my family)
I have never been afraid of actually being raped until today. Today has just been too much. I am shit in typing since my head is still so light. If I ever do get raped I'll see those grinning faces.
No. 37849
>>37845yikes
if this actually happened call the police and dont post about it on a fucking imageboard
No. 37857
>>37849I know if I was in my home country, I would of called, my appearance is just an obvious indicator that what happened, happened. I don't think many would believe me if I told the full events, because it is bizarre. I am more afraid of police here than anyone, they are one of the worse of criminals in this country. ( I posted on other threads so I don't want to reveal the country, but some who browse threads religiously might make the connection)
My dad is completely under my mothers control. He is sad to see me go since he knows after all this returning to nothing is just going to put me in more of a depressive state, but I think he truly is worried for my safety, and he isn't at home most the time so he can't help me ( I don't have a cell that works since it is a foreign carrier since I was only here for 'family support' for a 'recovery period'. The stupidest mistake.)
No. 37907
>>37874>>37877fuck you both, seriously.
Anon, that whole situation sounds toxic. You need to leave somehow and get help.
No. 37918
>>37916That anons life isn't that fucked. What they need is to earn enough money to live by themselves and get the fuck out of the country.
>>37859Anon do you have friends you can ask to stay with while you get a job and earn enough to leave?
No. 37928
>>37845I'm guessing you're a teenager so the only thing you can do is try to get good grades a job and save up money to support yourself. The best revenge is moving on and becoming a successful person.
My parents divorced when I was young and my mom became more and more abusive as time went on. She convinced me my dad was evil and horrible and I believed it because all I knew about him was what she told me. Now Im 18 and living with my dad since we got in contact last year. He tried contacting me multiple times in the past but she made me be afraid of him. My mom didn't help me with shit, I got horrible grades and barely went to school, couldn't see anything anyway because she wouldn't buy me glasses for a while. Its really hard adjusting to normal things I just now got a job and a few days ago I got my license. I had barely any social interactions because my mom wouldn't let me have friends.
TL:DR don't kill yourself like that idiot said because there is always a way out of an abusive situation if you don't give up.
No. 37930
>>37916Serious advice?
You need to take a second and acknowledge how edgy your post was. Also, you need to be aware that anon could possibly go that route because of your comment. There is absolutely no reason for you to be in this thread.
No. 37953
>>37945Same here. I mostly just get off from reading things with people my age and then letting my imagination fill in the rest, but when I was younger (early 20s now) I wouldn't mind reading things involving people my age at the time either. Seeing it now makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I hate how many people my age against cp say it's ok because its just 2-D renderings of obvious cp (and I'm not even talking about ambiguous images here either).
Every time I come across a younger age group, even in stories, it's like someone pressed a reset button. I'm noticing people are getting more and more comfortable with depicting preteens this way and it's scary because I think they think its normal.
Not trying to start this argument again, though so I'll leave it at that.
No. 37984
>>37967Eurgh when you put it like that it sounds weird, but no it's more my frustration at the ambiguity of the subjects themselves and me missing out on a mine of fap material because the fucking artist doesn't understand what a fucking schoolkid actually looks like.
Like, a character that plainly looks like an adult female with a mature face and developed body but then in the story they're like 14-15 years old and i'm like WTF >:l
No. 37987
>>37978You deserve love.
I love you.
No. 37988
>>37978Your life sounds similar to mine almost to a T. Except replace "grandma" with "mother", and "age 10" with "age 5".
We're even the same age now, you and I. Life can be so cruel. Please don't harm yourself anon. It's reassuring (but sad) to see others in a similar boat. If I could give you a cyber-hug, that'd be nice.
No. 37989
Probably belongs in the body image thread but whatever.
>5'8", Male
>36" chest/ 29" waist on a good day, 30" on an OK day, 31" on a just shoot me now day
>Obsessed with being slender and cute because of baby-face and guys tend to like me as some uke waifu they can cuddle and I gotta work with what I got
>Also has BPD and goes crazy every once in a while.
So basically I'm the evil twink stereotype gays talk about. Clingy, emotional, body-issues.
But at the same time, I hate clubs, am the exact opposite of slutty and will stick with one guy, and hate Beyonce.
So I feel like I'm not masculine enough to be normal, do not want to be a trap, and just really don't know what I'm doing with myself socially.
Yet here I am, on a girl-mostly board.
No. 38000
>>37967??? I'm not annoyed by it, what I
>>37953meant was that I hate coming across loli and shota.
No. 38010
>>37984Well if they are fully developed just imagine they are 17-19. Many last year highschool students are of age?
I'm an 18 year old female and don't mind reading high school hentai.
I don't know if at 25 I'll feel the same.
My ex was 25 and he and many friends dated someone of 18-19 (Even though the age of consent here is 16.) So I don't think they think of their last year highschool/ Just out of highschool gfs and CP.
No. 38112
>>38042To be honest, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 25.
It might be cultural but no one thinks it's strange. I'm always surprised at the anons that go on about age gaps, but it might not be common in America. I think in many european countries it's almost the norm. At least where I'm from. The thought of someone considering our relationship CP is just… unsettling.
No. 38123
>>38121The age gap didn't really bother me. I thought at first it would be a fresh experience with someone more mature. Nope.jpg
But I still love him. It made me less worried about my 20's since it seems no one has themselves fully sorted out by then.
No. 38133
I've been spending and will be spending a lot more time at my boyfriend's house (he lives with his parents to save money right now) because he's been addicted to MGSV (not the problem, I like watching him play) but holy fuck his parent's house triggers me. I guess it's just that my own mom is super anal about cleanliness so it's hard to get over the 3 cats walking around on the kitchen island table where food is prepared with their litter box paws, just all the cats and cat hair in general (I'm a little allergic and cat hair all over your shit looks bad). My bf is really clean and neat himself, but anything that isn't directly "his" like his room is kind of fair game, so the bathroom he shares with his sister is borderline disgusting. I almost went and scrubbed their toilet myself this weekend… and I probably will if it's still gross next weekend. I casually mentioned to my bf that he should take out the overflowing garbage bin the in bathroom but he didn't, later his mom asked the sister if she would but she didn't…I should have done it tbh. I don't mind doing stuff like that, esp since they're gracious enough to let me stay over a lot, but they're the kind of too nice people who would give you the shirt off their back so to do anything for them comes with a lot of "don't you worry yourself we'll do it nuh uh don't you lift a finger etc". Their eating habits are also a bit lazy, not necessarily fast food but lots of carbs, cheese and meats, hardly any fruits or vegetables. It's a little sad as his dad as some weight related health problems and they talk about eating better, but I never really see them do so. It's like they've kind of given up like they're old and going to die soon but they're only in their 40s.
I'm working on getting over this kind of stuff, but I guess it's a little like culture shock, in a way.
No. 38608
>>38356i thought i was having a "manic episode" yesterday but i think i might have just been drunk
honestly i'm ready for something new. obviously manic episodes are no good for you, but i have spent so much of the last couple of years incredibly tired and sleeping my life away.
No. 39848
>>37978>>37978Anon I hate to read this because it hurts my heart. I hope that things get better for you and that somebody loves you for who you are because I'm sure that you're a genuine soul and that kind of genuity can be abused as you've seen but it can also be cherished and I think that so long as you remain strong one day you will be cherished by someone
someone.
No. 40419
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>>39824>IM-FUCKING-PLYINGplease be an americuck
No. 41976
>>37989I hate to be the one to tell you, but you're kinda fat for a guy.
My bf is 6 ft, 130 lbs with 28in waist and 19in thighs.
If your chest is as wide as 36 you should just start lifting
No. 42256
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>>41976Marfan syndrome detected.
No. 42263
>>42191Ugh girl I know that feeling way too well :/ my roommate also goes to bed around like, 10pm on weekdays (college dorm)
she's great and I love her but it's so annoying sometimes
No. 42271
>>42263We're in a campus apartment, so it's a similar situation because it's smaller. the floor plan is essentially a living room with a bedroom off either side and a kitchen and bathroom in the back. It's impossible to feel alone really, and that's the issue I have because I'm one of those people that need time alone to recharge.
She's also a lot easier of a major than me (she's some family consumer science one and I'm chemistry) so that's why she has so much down time compared to me. On top of classes I average about 14 hours of part-time work on campus per week and she only works in her hometown only during holidays so she doesn't work here.
And I know she has every right to be at the apartment consistently because she pays for it, but it does get grating after awhile.
No. 42290
>>42197If everyone else is calling you ana, you're probably ana, or the real jelly fatty.
Get out of here with your cancer patient boyfriend.
No. 42333
I can't believe I'm at this point but, here I am.
I've been struggling with depression for a couple years now. After all this time, and a 15lb weight gain, for the first time in my life I actually have really shitty self esteem. I get angry when I try to take pictures or dress up for outings because I feel so horrible about myself, I feel like I look horrible, and like all of that emotional baggage translates onto my face, making me look even worse. I want to lose the weight I've gained so badly, and I keep catching myself developing all these incredibly unhealthy pre-ED thoughts, like "I know I'm hungry but the less I eat the better" or "I could make eggs, but if I just drink a fruit smoothie, there's a better chance I'll lose some weight". I'm not even fat, I'm not even overweight. I'm just a higher weight than I'd like to be, but my low self esteem has distorted my perceptions to make it seem like this is such a horrible thing. Because of my depression I don't have the energy right now to exercise and take care of myself in a way that would help me drop the 10-ish pounds I want to lose healthily, or to get my figure back. So I just sit here trying to fight the urge to starve myself, and finding myself getting more and more uncomfortable seeing ultra skinny girls because of how jealous I get. I absolutely hate what I'm becoming, I want to stop, I want to love myself again, I refuse to let myself stray into ED territory, I want to get better, but I don't know how.
This is the most pathetic and desperate plea I have ever and will ever make on this forsaken website, but if any of you farmers can give me a compassionate kick in the ass… please, I would be forever grateful.
No. 42382
>>42333Uhhh get therapy
Also eat eggs, not fruit smothies
No. 42926
>>37978 here, thanks for the messages to those of who replied. It is sad that we are all anons here, otherwise I would love each and every one of you.
I have more to add to my original rant.
>Meet guy at a con about 2 months ago>We are both really into BDSM along with many other common interests and hit it off super well>Talk almost nonstop after con, he keeps talking me up and telling me how much I mean to him compared to everyone else and how happy he is to know me. We become super close and good friends very quickly. >We're both open with each other from the beginning that we want to sexually play with each other, so impressing me isn't needed and he knows it>Gain respect for him that I don't have for many other people and open up to him about so many things I have never told others>Met up with him last thursday (In his home country, spent around $700 to visit him) for what was supposed to have been a weekend of fun for both of us>Was legit excited and happy to see him which is a feeling I haven't felt in many many years>Thursday was perfect, spent 2 hours after all the sex talking to me about what he wanted to do to me and with me in the future. Multiple mutual friends can confirm that he loved seeing me and had an interest in continuing.>He had to work all of friday, messaged me early evening to find a hotel room cause he was gonna be super late>Guy is a millionaire so last minute hotel room bookings isn't a big deal to him, it is to me>Wait up all night in a room I can't afford and guy never shows>Has not talked to me since, not even apologised. Ignores all messages I and everyone who knows me sends him, not even bothering to read them.>All mutual friends hate him now and nobody has any idea what is going on>Just want to be friends cause I hate not getting along with anyone>Figure out a few days ago he has been lying about his BDSM experience, says he's been active for 10 years, has only been into it for 6 months. Which is a very dangerous thing to lie about.>Even more confused and upset and in need of answers>Guy was my perfect type in appearance, personality and sexual performance. Genuinely love(d) being friends with him.I attempted to kill myself last night. I just can't do this anymore, I trusted that he actually wanted to be friends and I'm beyond upset that he won't even read anything I have written to him.
He knows about all of my problems too and am fully aware that I would have done stuff with him, and will even gladly continue if all of the things about him liking our friendship was a lie. It hurts a lot.
Sorry to talk about fetish shit as I know it gets frowned upon on most places of the internet. I am just beyond upset about all of this.
No. 43009
>>42926you should not have trusted someone with so much of yourself after only a couple of months. but it's useless to think about it now. You need to erase that guy from your life, because it sounds like you trusted him a great deal and he didn't share himself with you in the same way. Who knows what else he is hiding from you? You are way too attached to him if it
triggers suicidal thoughts in you and you need to cut him from your life. Try therapy, anon.
No. 43098
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The milk and fruit spergs in the Charms and fat thread are really getting on my nerves. Make a thread in /b/, I'm tired of trying to get my lulz on only to have to scroll through all that shit posting.
No. 43119
>>43098who knew one day shitposting would be about milk and fruit
what a time to be alive
No. 43279
>>41261This is different for everyone.
My grandmother always told me to wait three years after knowing someone before getting married since they could hide their meaness for one year, they could hide their meaness for two years, but by the third year their meaness was bound to come out. I've never been married, but I've found this advice to be generally true–by the third year you know someone you will know if they're hiding any craziness or violent tendencies.
I'm 27. When I was around 19-21 many people I knew from high school were getting married and/or having kids–judging by facebook, about half those relationships have ended and half are ongoing. It's normal and okay if you do/n't feel ready for such a big commitment right now.
No. 43626
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No. 43783
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I know this is incredibly petty shit
>feeling down lately
>look in the mirror
>decide to do something spontaneous
>cut my bangs
>they look terrible
>suddenly remember that I've held off on cutting my bangs for months because they look terrible on me
>have to go out to a meeting tomorrow
I'm so pissed at myself. I look like PT now.
No. 43806
>>43805Thanks. That means a lot.
To elaborate, I have no idea what to do. Like I said, most people when they complain they have no friends, the response is usually "put yourself out there" or "reach out more". But I think I'm really good at putting myself out there and reaching out. Like, I have no problem asking a group of strangers if I can go sit with them, if it's the right setting.
It's just really funny and depressing watching something like Bridezillas. Because while a lot of the show is probably staged and stuff, the brides featured definitely have something wrong with them, yet they have tons of people willing to put up with their shit. idk, I'm not perfect, but I think I'm a likable person, but I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.
No. 43811
>>43806I don't know, farmer. Making and keeping friends as an adult is difficult. Everyone's so busy with their own responsibilities.
Honestly I mostly socialize with family and a couple of coworkers and their families. I know I should reach out to more people to try to make more friends, but I don't really know how to convert friendly acquaintances to actual friends–I think I must just be boring though since I can never think of anything to talk about.
I'm sure you're not as socially retarded as me and you're just dealing with busy people. Have you tried hobby-based groups or clubs in your area? How about volunteering? I think you just need to cast a wider net of potential new friends.
Damn, that was just me telling you to put yourself out there more, wasn't it? Sorry, see: I am socially retarded at times.
It's a shitty place to be. I am sorry, anon, even if I don't have any worthwhile advice.
No. 43818
>>43811Nah, it's ok. I think I still could do more to put myself out there, and I haven't totally exhausted my options. I think part of the problem is that I'm kind of overwhelmed by the things I could do and I'm also lazy. But I still don't like it when people act like meetup.com is the end all be all of finding people to socialize with.
Still, idk how go to from meeting people to getting in regular contact with him, especially as NO ONE seems to text me back. And I want people to casually talk to me, not just because I'm feeling the lowest of the low and desperately need someone. idk
No. 43861
I feel really stupid right now, because I just opened up a chat app I had and saw the guy that I have a crush on changed his prof picture to an old picture with him and his friends but cropped it to include just him and his friend (who's a girl). It made me feel really weird and uneasy, and I have admitted to him that I liked him and we did talk about it later and he told me he liked me back, but we're always far away from each other so it might have never worked out. I still want to date him, even now, but part of me feels like he definitely doesn't like me (but I don't want to ask because it's so weird and awkward). It's a FWB turned crush sort of deal.
But aside from all of that, I just went batshit inside of my head. Like, all of my insecurities just flooded back to me and I didn't know what to do. Obviously the logical thing would just be to talk to the fucking guy, but I'm sure he's busy with midterms and part of me just kind of wants to cut him out of my life. I feel so terrible because I always jump the gun on everything, especially with decisions like this. When I broke up with my ex (my first/only girlfriend), it left me, emotionally, in shambles and took me a few years to really get back on my feet and feel happy again. I'm so scared of relationships because I'm so scared of falling back into that place, and I feel like me going batshit on myself last night is my own fault because I've been actively pursuing this guy even though I knew that a relationship and getting so involved with someone like this is something I never wanted ever again in my life.
Right now, I just feel extremely detached from my feelings and I can't even bother to stop hating myself and telling myself what a piece of shit I am. I'm so destructive towards myself that I should just die.
I'm so apathetic right now and I just can't care to try and fix myself again. Maybe, hopefully, this will pass but for now I just kind of want to do the bare minimum of things I have to do to live while I'm studying for 10 months away from family and good friends.
No. 43987
I need to vent here, so much. My now ex (as of last night) had a huge falling out with me. He comes to my place every weekend because we're too busy to do anything during the week, then essentially moans about it when he's here. He had a fight with me because of a petty reason, stormed out of the house and I ran after him for a couple of hours which was so desperate and retarded of me all while he was calling me every name under the sun and telling me to get away from him.
Finally I got sick of the abuse (I was just trying to talk to him and ask him why after so many years pretending everything was OK, he told me he didn't love me anymore) and told him why I had saif what I said (it was so petty it's unreal).
I turned to walk away and he started to block me, just like I was doing to him. I apologised for not letting him go because it really is uncomfortable when someone does that. I went away in a different direction to my house and he was convinced I was away to end my life. I replied that even if I was, it has got nothing to do with him since he told me to get out of his life. He then began to walk after me, blocking me from every direction and told his parents I was threatening to end my life over the phone (I thought don't flatter yourself chum, I'm not gonna end my life because of some douche lord). He then phoned the police all while I was telling him to get away from me because I wouldn't "go home" and reported me as a missing person.
The police told him to let me go and for him to stay where he was, so I went home using back roads - saw police on the hunt so just took the longest way to get home. Finally I got into where I stay and locked the door, sat and tried to calm down and started to get ready to go to sleep. I picked up my phone and there were numerous calls, voicemails and also home phone messages (keep in mind the police didn't see me get in the house because I went along the back roads).
My ex knew that I left my phone inside because I ran after him in a rush, so how did the police expect to get in touch with him when I could have gone to anyone's house to feel safer?
A few minutes passed and I heard them go into the back yard, trying the handles to get into the two back doors, then they tried to get in the front door. I didn't wanna open the door because guess what guys, my ex and I? Used to do weed and he knew I had a bit of a stash in the house from when we did that I didn't get around to throwing out. He knew exactly what he was doing - called the cops and told me through them he was "concerned for my safety" so they'd raid the place.
Police didn't just bother to get away from my home, they threatened to force entry, so I shouted through the window what the fuck was going on. Guess what? They still fucking forced entry despite me making contact with them! They wrecked the fucking lock (the door isn't even mine so that creates even more problems), harassed me for questions (I understand they have to do it but it's still harassment of you didn't do anything wrong) and ignored me.
Police are just awful and want fun out of their boring night on duty, so terrorise people. Forgot if I mentioned I got reported as missing, in my own small town, about 10 mins from the property. Luckily they didn't search the place but that was a close one. We had a really strong lock in the door deliberately because of people like this, but who would have thought the police themselves would break in because of a crazy ex? I'm stumped, I really am.
Lost for words. My mother who was away is now having to explain (I couldn't face telling the rest of my family) why their keys don't fit anymore. Apparently that isn't the police's issue and that I should "just say it broke in the lock".
I'm so pissed at this guy I don't know where to start. Anyone have a situation like this? I've been with him for years and for him to do this is devastating. All the neighbours saw them break in so now I'm gonna be seen as a criminal even though that's not what it was.
What would you all do in my situation?
No. 44042
>>43818Hah, I forgot all about meetup.com. I wonder where these people live that meetup.com is so great–I've tried it out before and had a couple nice outings with a local hiking group, but most of the groups in my area seem to be either scammers or bible classes.
Are you on facebook? Have you casually tried to make connections there? I mean by liking new acquaintances' posts, engaging them in chat with a comment here or there and just generally reminding them that you're alive and maybe you'd be a fun person to hang out with sometime.
I meet up with a few aquaintances for games every now and then at a local coffee shop. Keeping in touch via facebook is a bit more laid back than direct texts.
>>43861I'm sorry. He's not into you. The kindest thing to do for yourself would be to either hide or remove him from all your social media accounts.
>>43990Do police officers actually care if someone is suicidal? It all sounds like something reasonably likely to happen except for that bit.
>>43987Honestly I don't know what I would do in your situation. I would be so mad and devastated and overwhelmed.
Are you close to any of your neighbors? People are always going to talk. If you "confide" in one about how your ex went crazy and called the cops after he wouldn't let you leave after y'all broke up then the story will spread. Decide what your spin will be and go with it.
No. 44160
>>44073Retin A preacher anon here. Its not available here so I get it online. I've tried EVERY non drug med for acne but nothing helped. Nothing.
I've always had hormonal acne so didn't think it'd work but what the hell. Fifteen months on and skin is clear af most of the time. If a spot appears (as opposed to a shit load like before the powers of Retin A it heals so quickly.
Oiliness decreased and skin looks soft.
Anyone with acne TRY IT. I wish id known about it years ago.
No. 44211
>>43793Are you me? Most of my friends are super two faced. They will talk shit about someone to me and next think I know I see them (not by choice) posting on that person's facebook about how much they love them. Or they are beyond selfish, stingy, and scroogey. Or flaky. Or a combination of all three. I have just about had it. Talking to them does nothing and I am tired of trying.
I really have to wonder if it is this generation because my friends who are about 6 years older than me don't pull this shit.
No. 44252
>>44210You can buy it online.
UK anon here. I buy it online imported from Thailand because it's not available here. It's the genuine stuff. The sellers make a massive profit because it's so cheap over there and I pay £10 for a tube.
I looked and you can buy it on amazon
http://www.amazon.ca/Retin-A-Acne-Treatment-Cream-10Grams/dp/B00B5XD490That's the highest strength. Cream is better than the gel IMO.
The first couple of months are a bit harsh. It brings all the shit out and you can get peeling. My breakout wasn't dramatic and neither was peeling. A tube lasts around 6 months because you only need a tiny bit.
This forum is good for info. This is the post that convinced me to try the stuff:
http://www.acne.org/messageboard/topic/283554-retin-a-tretinoin-from-experience/Don't be put off by the initial reactions you might have with it. After only 3 months there was a noticeable difference, and it just got better from there.
Online pharmacies stock it too in the US.
http://www.skincaretalk.com/showthread.php/30385-Where-can-we-get-affordable-Retin-a-in-the-United-States No. 44253
>>44042>>43818 here. I'm on facebook. The problem is that a ton of people don't respond to my messages when I try to get in contact with them. idk why
However, I did go out on Saturday night. I messaged someone I kind of knew, pregamed with them, and then went to a party. Some thirsty guy I met there also took me to another party, but I dipped and I went to play Magic the Gathering with a guy who messaged me out of the blue. So all in all, it wasn't a bad night.
Just wish I had some people to talk to regularly. It was easy when I was still in high school but I never really got the grasp of how to meet up with people outside of class.
I really need to go back to college again. I think being out of school is killing me.
No. 44610
>>44603Anon, are you me? I haven't accomplished shit and I only feel worse when I talk to other people my age. I heard my friend (A year younger than me, age 21) talk about how ~crazy~ her college graduation party was and it made me want to die. The fact that I'm so far behind everyone else makes me want to stay in hikki mode and cut contact. I feel so fucking inferior constantly.
Then again none of these people have had to deal with psychotic/depressive episodes. Or at least that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better.
No. 44803
>>44797It's not stupid. That's really scary. I don't have any good advice, but keep your phone on you, at least. There was a pickup with confederate flags speeding around my neighborhood last summer, and the guys inside would scream "fucking nigger" at my then fiance whenever they saw us out. People who do that clearly have no boundaries and it frightens me.
They're probably doing this to other people too, if that makes you feel any better. Probably won't.
No. 45121
File: 1446575762995.jpg (39.83 KB, 704x396, slap.jpg)
I'm a student in my first year of my degree and at 24 I'm one of the oldest in my year but this is by no means unusual (there's another 24 year old and a 23 yr old, some 21 yr olds etc.).
There's this one girl in my class who is still 17 years old, so not even 18 yet, practically a foetus, and goddamn she is just a rude, nasty, spiteful little cunt who deserves to be sat on and slapped repeatedly.
I'm a very big believer that when in an academic environment everybody needs to be supportive and helpful to each other.
I mean it's not a competition, it's not a race to grab the "limited degrees", but fucking hell this bitch is just fucking horrid to EVERYBODY and is always making nasty little comments under her breath and in a way that almost seems so passive that you don't know whether to take her up on it or not.
Like yesterday I mentioned something about me being more casual in my language compared to everybody because I'm a little bit older and you just kind of stop giving a shit the older you get. She queried how old I was and replied that I was 24 and she just said "wow, ouch…". I was so taken aback by it that I just turned away from her.
There's this guy in our class who I can tell was totally not prepared for the course and I feel that if he doesn't get his shit together fast is probably going to drop out, but that's okay, it's fine, the guy is only 18, he still doesn't know what he wants and he's not used to this environment.
University can be so intimidating for somebody fresh out of college and if it doesn't work out for him this year he can always come back later and take another stab at it.
Anyway last week we had a vocab test that he had outright not studied for nor bought any of the degree textbooks yet and was panicking and so I let him read my textbook together so he could quickly memorise some of the words, and this little bitch snakes up out of nowhere and without anybody even asking her snide ass she suddenly pipes up "Uh, you know, Tom, they do have these books downstairs in the Modern Languages library, you know, for people who are too lazy or stupid to get them themselves".
I feel like an ass for not saying anything there and then, but she said it so quietly that nobody else heard and she did so with a smile on her face trying to indicate that it was a joke when I know it was anything but.
Next time I hear her make some smarmy little comment I swear to god I'm going to turn round right there and then and tear her a new asshole on the spot. I'm so done with trying to play little miss patient.
This bitch is going to end up completely ostracising herself from everybody and there's no way she's going to be able to complete the degree when nobody wants to pair up with her/talk to her. Good fucking riddance.
No. 45136
>>45133Oh man I could go into so much more.
Recently because she's detected that I'm like, idk, I wouldn't say alpha but everybody listens to me when I get everybody talking whenever I enter a group and I organise a Facebook page for the entire year where I upload all the course materials and provides links to information and shit…
Anyway, she doesn't like this at all and has been trying to go out of her way to embarrass me or something? It's so hard to explain because she does it in such a subtle way so that unless you're the target you probably wouldn't even realise that she was being snide.
I have a pretty inappropriate/black humour and I made a joke 2 weeks ago about how a girl I get a long with who had a sore throat not because she had a cold but because she'd been up all night sucking dick (which was supposed to be funny because she's gay), and ever since that day, every morning without fail she's sauntered up to our little discussion circle and made a comment in front of everybody trying to insinuate I was some kind of sexual/pervert degenerate?
I think she thought that if she kept trying to humiliate me she could turn people against me or something, so 2 days ago in the morning she overheard me say that because I didn't get a lunch break today because I had 5 hour of classes one after the other that I was trying to stuff as much food into me as possible, so she sauntered over and said loudly "What's that about you stuffing things inside of yourself again?" so I turned round and told her that I was just telling everybody about this dildo that I had a home which I'd glued a photo of her face to and used nightly.
Oh man she did not like that one bit kek, and she's stopped doing it ever since.
Today I confirmed I'm not the only one having problems with her as 6 other people spoke today about how they each found her bitchy/stuck-up/smarmy or insecure, so I'm glad I'm not the only one noticing it.
No. 45139
File: 1446585278139.gif (269.16 KB, 360x240, 1529022-beatthehelloutof.gif)
>>45136Bro, I know where you are coming from as someone who is older and in university.
Just punch her in the face, and put her in her place.(But shit ain't that easy.) Like I fucking hate these lil highschool brats fresh out of school and thinking they know shit.
Also, I hate those high school assholes who talk through a fucking lecture. I got so pissed once I told them to shut the fuck up some of us have to pay for our classes and want the most out of it.
No. 45140
>>45139YES
It pisses me off because I managed to drag my ass to university after living in council house subsisting on shit pay from shit jobs, having had my water cut off a couple of times and even having had to attend a food bank once which was easily one of the most humiliating experiences of my life, and then cunts like this just stroll right into the place, probably on the bank of mummy and daddy, never had to worry about anything in her life/probably had this shit all planned out for her for years, and then comes in, disrespect her classmates, fucking disrespect their SENIORS, and tries to turn the whole experience of university into this one horrible ride.
Like if there's one thing I'm big on it's respect. I fucking DESPISE people who don't offer the proper respect.
I probably won't end up getting violent with her but she's clearly very young/naive and not too bright.
Somebody like that isn't too difficult to run rings around. Last person that tried this shit with me ended up being framed and subsequently expelled, but that's a whole other story.
No. 45142
>>45141Okay Anon that sucks for you, it really does, but that has absolutely NOTHING to do with my story whatsoever unless you're trying to imply that because I'm 24 I'm rude and cruel to my classmates and suck-up to my tutors.
Like, what are you trying to say here.
No. 45204
>>45121holy fuck that "ouch" comment is so left field i wouldn't have known what to say either
fucking girl is a grade A cunt. but nice comeback anon.
props for doing what you had to do to go to school. i had to get out at 19 due to finances. i'm trying to go back but i'm worried i'll be too "old" and won't make friends or fit in. stupid things to be concerned about, but i already feel lightyears away from people my own age. like i'm 90 or something.
No. 45220
>>45204Oh me too Anon, but it turns out I was just overthinking it and undoubtedly you will be too.
So far I've noticed only positives about my more mature age to the point where it makes me wonder if 18 is even really such an appropriate age to jump into higher education.
Generally you're more grounded and having a more mature stance really, really helps in balancing the workload and knowing when you need to put the games away and pound out that assignment or reading, and overall I find that the course may be more valuable to you because you know you have many more chances so you can't afford to screw around.
There are a lot of people in my class who even 4-5 weeks into the degree are still going out drinking 5 nights a week and bless them they are struggling because of it, but because I've already been there and done that I find I have more discipline to be able to come, throw my shit down and just get to work when I know that the work needs to be done.
Because your age I wouldn't be surprised if you find yourself to be one of the top in the class like I am at the moment. I know for a fact that if I'd done this at 18 instead of 24 as I am now I'd be failing so hard. I just would not be doing the work or able to keep up.
Also nobody on my course really cares about my age and I actually find most of them coming to me for help or advice, but of course there's always that one bitch everywhere you go isn't there.
Today was a really good example, we had a vocab test and because none of us had actually looked at the syllabus we'd failed to notice that we'd be doing 2 tests a week now instead of 1, and everybody else ended up getting 1-3 on the test but I got 8/10 on a test I hadn't studied for at all and didn't know was coming because I'd already learned the vocab previously. Feels good man.
>>45207Eh, like, I'm very polite and take pride in my formal speech and vocabulary, I think manners are SO important, but I'm quick to jump into dark/black humour.
Like for example when everybody was talking abbout this bitch somebody said "I don't understand why you would come to university and behave this way. She should just…", and I interjected with "euthanise herself?" and everybody looked shocked and then started laughing.
It's not really that dark but they're all mostly 18 year olds. Maybe they don't expect something so crude to come out of the mouth of somebody 6 years their senior idk.
No. 45295
>>45259The obvious answer is to communicate to him exactly what you've said here. The trick is trying to do it in a supportive way that won't make him feel attacked or criticized. Losing a job as a dude is probably the single biggest blow to self-esteem/ego aside from break-ups, and combining the two in one conversation is probably going to make things worse, since he kinda seems like he's not being rational or pragmatic about things.
I'd suggest you start by being as supportive and helpful as possible, try to encourage him and maybe even help him with finding another job if feasible. Try to approach the situation without even telling him about or mentioning his shortcomings/laziness and instead work only on helping him/supporting him, with the goal of what you're doing still in mind. Try to level with him.
Failing that, just calmly tell him the last sentence of your post. Don't do it when you're angry or have it be the first thing you do when you two see each other. If he doesn't get the idea, it may be time for you to start seeing other people or living separately.
No. 45325
>>45310He doesn't seem to be working on bettering himself. Does he want to better himself or is he content leeching off his parents and just skating by? Have you talked with him about his dreams and do you think they're attainable the way he's been going?
If you do decide you want to break things off with him, don't worry about "destroying" him. You can't stay with someone forever out of pity. Some people need the reality check that a big shakeup like a breakup brings.
I think you're making the right decision btw by visiting your mom and clearing your head.
No. 45332
>>45325I think he does want to better himself but probably feels unable to because of his low paying job. He did have the idea to move out of his parents house and closer to his work but the problem is the closer you get to the metro area the more expensive housing gets and he only looked at one place that was kind of shitty and afaik he hasn't looked since. It's those kinds of things that get me; doesn't seem to try again or puts all his hope into one avenue and "it'll probably be fine" but if it doesn't work out then he gets down.
>His dreamsIf he had any I could do a lot more to help him, but I don't think he has any idea what he wants to do in life. The last "dream" he talked to me about was moving in with his friend so they could start a gaming stream and drink a lot on friday nights.
I just don't know what I can do to help him and it's really wearing me out.
No. 45358
>>45310TELL HIM
you don't know how many times i've watched this exact scenario play out.
be very very clear that your goals for the future and the kind of ambitious person you want to be are not meshing with where you're seeing him going.
plenty of people go through ruts like this, especially at his age and point in life where he's probably studying shit he doesn't care about at all and starting at Step 1 of a career whose only purpose to him is to make money. he might end up founding a company or inventing something rad in ten years, but to do that he needs to get through the slump of starting his adult life without being a little bitch about it.
don't just watch him rot and then break up with him because he doesn't excite you anymore. tell him what your problem with him is. if he reacts really badly, you get more information about the likely prospects of the relationship. if he reacts more or less decently, you might save the thing, and save him in the long run too.
No. 45360
>>45332>If he had any I could do a lot more to help him, but I don't think he has any idea what he wants to do in life. The last "dream" he talked to me about was moving in with his friend so they could start a gaming stream and drink a lot on friday nights. this is what most young males go through these days.
let's be honest, neither of you are likely to be spectacular intellects. you're probably going to work middle class and try your best to push your way into upper middle class, maybe nurse a pet project or two through your 30s, and then die relatively content with 2-3 mediocre kids. that's life for most average people in this society.
for a lot of young men who have been raised on video games and exciting adventure schlock, and allowed to remain basically children through their teens and into their early to mid 20s, it's jarring when you suddenly hear "ok, time to start working 9-5 at arby's" or maybe at best "ok, time to kill your soul getting engineering degree subtype #8293382-b so you can work in a mind-numbing office cubicle for 30 years." they grow up on nonstop excitement porn and then they're told to live in a series of cages forever.
it may not be that he has no ambition, it may be that he is disappointed in the range allowed for his actual ambition. every male friend i have is doing some similar stupid thing - trying to be a streamer, a pro-gamer, deluding themselves with ideas for apps they never actually work on or video games they never actually learn how to make, etc. with a little nurturing, and some help reconciling those ambitions (which are real) with the reality of "welp, you're going to have to follow that dream while you're working to feed yourself AND build the capital to support the dream," they can be saved from degenerating into an ambitionless gamma male who just plays vidya all night and works a shit job all day.
No. 45375
File: 1446747483255.png (65.9 KB, 1024x478, download.png)
I'm wondering if anybody else is experiencing this, but I feel extremely disconnected with my appearance in conjunction with my personality.
A few years ago I decided I wanted to grow out beautiful, long, natural hair, and now it's long and I'm just bored of it and want it to go.
I recently turned 24 so I decided I wanted to try a more mature wardrobe and invested in things like heels and skinny jeans with tank-tops and tench coats with scarves and shit, and now I'm just bored of that too.
Even though I'm admittedly a pretty girl, I'm getting so bored of looking at the same old boring face in the mirror every day.
I'm "pretty" but nothing more and nothing less.
I desperately want to change things up, but I don't know how.
I thought cutting my hair short would work, but honestly my long hair really does suit me.
idk what to do. I feel dull and inexpressive.
I kind of want to get some surgery done. or lip fillers or some shit.
Just, change.
No. 45886
File: 1446802054531.png (315.48 KB, 746x586, angela.PNG)
I was molested when I was 13 years old, the guy was schizophrenic as shit and used to do things like show me dead pictures of cats he cut up. Nowadays, I find myself incredibly attracted to extremely sadistic sexual situations. The man I'm with now is incredibly wonderful caring, and he often fulfills my needs, but I do often feel like my appetite for self destruction is too much for him. I have insanely low self esteem and overthink almost everything, and while I've made it a point to not let my mental issues get in the way of our relationship (For instance, I'm not going to ask him to do anything he's clearly uncomfortable with, or even things that we don't mutually enjoy) But I feel like it sometimes slips out, mostly in the form of apologies. I'm one of those people who apologize for every single thing, even when it doesn't require an apology. Throw in tumblr-tier daddy issues from an abusive father, and I feel like I've just been sort of fucked up beyond repair in the sexual and emotional sense.
I am trying to get better though, or at least try to find a healthy compromise. I would never want him to have the burden of me being completely dependent on me, and I know he loves me and wants to keep me around, which stops my urges to do most of my more self destructive shit. I don't like the urges I have for people to do bad things to me, but if I can express them in a healthy, non-life threatening way…. I feel like that's where I want to be. Although I'm not going to lie, I often wish I could wish them away completely.
No. 45947
>>45907Anon, I'm so sorry. My first boyfriend was like this, I know how much it hurts. I promise you that you will find someone who will treat you well, the way you deserve to be treated. It's the best feeling in the world and I know you'll find that one day.
Any guy who treats you like this isn't worth your time. I know it's hard, but with time you'll realize you're much better off without this piece of shit. Wishing you all the best.
No. 45995
File: 1446862292947.gif (551.45 KB, 480x430, 1426047614076.gif)
>>45908Get ready for some rough loving m8
No. 46009
>>45908At first I thought you were a girl and I was thinking, 'well no shit he's giving you weird, creepy looks if you answered the door shirtless' but then I read the last part.
That's a bit terrifying, anon. Stay safe.
No. 46066
I need help
>Boyfriend dumped me a few weeks ago
>Refuses to even speak to me or anyone who knows me, never gave me a good reason why
>Intense heart break etc etc
>Read about a gam(bl)ing site with incredibe welcome bonuses
>Stupid and heartbroken, decide to make myself rich so I can get married to a dollar bill
>Win $1000 on my first try
>Think this is totally normal since I got it so fast, so quickly lose the $1000 in order to gain more
>Lose more money because I want to win back the $1000
>Lose more money because I want to win back the $1000+the money I lost
>Eventually give up, just try to gain back the money I have lost
>Not only because I suddenly realised I'm fucking poor, but also because I'm horrified of what the hell people will think if I tell them -why- I'm so poor.
>No go
>Down $5000 which is what I earn in 5 months before taxes and bills have been paid
>Finally got my shit together and closed my account so I can get rid of my gambling addiction
>Back to being heartbroken + even more depressed than before because I now have no money (I am a shaking nerve wreck right now because of this)
>Had to take money from my travel account to cover the amount I lost, so that account is now empty and I need $6000 in 6 months on a trip I'm going on, that can't be refunded
>Had to take money from events account, aka money that doesn't belong to me and was supposed to be refunded to two friends for a hotel room we never checked in to after all, so now I'm gonna have to be a douchebag friend and ask to pay them back in tiny monthly amounts
>Have to cancel only convention I was attending next year which breaks my heart even more cause the ex boyfriend would be there and I could finally get the closure I need
>Have to start selling my belongings so I can pay my bills next month
>No more cosplaying for the next many many months
>No more traveling either which sucks cause all of my friends live super far away from me, so now I'll be even more lonely than I was before.
>Despite taking so much money out of my accounts to pay off the debt, I'm still down $1700.
Moral of the story, do not start gambling away your money to fill the empty void inside your soul.
I'm a fucking idiot.
No. 46098
>>45907Sorry to hear that anon. I got out of a long term abusive relationship with my first love a few years ago too.
I loved the kind side of him, the side I mostly saw. It crushed me thinking about him being with another girl. After going through the worst abuse he'd dealt I'd somehow had enough. I was incredibly weak-willed, he had cheated on me multiple times and was abusive for years, so it's a bit of a shock even now that I actually left. I put my foot down many times and we argued like hell but leaving was different. Definitely the hardest decision I've ever made. We drove 4 days across the country with all of my things (I can't drive, no local friends) and I moved back in with my family.
About 6 months after I left he married the girl he was cheating on me with. She popped out a kid soon after. A lot of tears were shed, but 3 years later I have a bunch of great friends and am in a new relationship with a guy who isn't a shithead. My rose-tinted glasses are off and I see my abuser for what he was.
It'll take time for you to recover but just stick through it, let friends and family into your life, and be kind to yourself. Sorry for the tl;dr, but hopefully my story helps you. The thing that helped me most at the time was reading other people's abuse stories and realizing I wasn't alone. Reading so many things that were exactly like something he did really reinforced the idea that I made the right decision.
No. 46119
File: 1446949621049.gif (5.06 MB, 472x264, 1439558000934.gif)
>>45947>>45910Thank you, anons. I know we're all catty bitches on here, but I appreciate being told this.
>>46098Your story did help, thank you. I'm sorry you had to go through that. At least you sound like you're in a much happier part of your life.
I'm weak-willed myself, so I was surprised I actually did it instead of backing down at the last moment. I deleted his number, blocked and deleted him off everything online and he ended up emailing me from a throwaway about how he didn't cheat on me, that I was a cunt and tried to make me feel bad about breaking up with him. Right after reading that email, I found out he was cheating on me with two other women.
I miss that kind side of him as well. I want to shove this aside and go back to the nice part of our relationship. I want him to make me laugh. Although I'm even more heart broken by the news, a very small part of me is relieved.
No. 46142
>>46141Anon that's vaginismus.
Get to your doctor.
No. 46154
>>46148I'm at uni and i'm 24 but who cares.
Do you look 26?i know I don't look 24. Nobody even knew I was 24 until I told them and they were surprised as they assumed I was around 19-21.
I think you might be surprised to find the will be people around your age or older in your classes like there are in mine, but at any rate I don't see how they'd have a career advantage, you don't have to put your age on your C.V.
No. 46237
File: 1447059068381.gif (990.14 KB, 400x225, giphy.gif)
I am in friend purgatory : / I am just absolute balls at having female friends, or, being entertaining on my own. To elaborate, I was a big con goer from 16 to 24, but after all the melodrama and expense, I never got back into the swing of it. I still watch anime, play games, occasionally drop into cons, but I just can't get into it. So then, I returned to the world of normal, where I do fine as The Girlfriend of a staple friend, but I'm not getting invited to weekend plans.
I'm forcing myself to converse with normal girls, and it's getting good reactions from alpha females, buuuut, I don't know how to bridge the gap between my closet weeb shit and their normal interests. If I were hanging out with guys, I have opinions for days, but around girls I just wait for an opportunity to say something smart that never happens.
Should I just like, pretend I'm flirting with them? See, I just don't know what I'm doing. All of my best female friends where very pretty (usually rich?) girls who latched onto me, but were also really insecure, so I always had to listen and deal with their issues. I burned bridges, and I realize now I could've dealt with everything better.
I feel like a need a personality makeover (on top of clothes, holy shit). I guess I'm nervous about polarizing female friends, and in turn it's made me a mute. I feel like when I do speak up, it's usually in an Adam Ruins Everything kind of way, which, to be honest, cannot be that fun for other people. Should I just fake it til I make it somehow? Just imitate someone?
No. 46249
>>46237I thought I was a piece of shit who only latches on to guys until I made friends with a few tomboys and we get along as well as any of my guy friends.
Don't try to mold your personality to them. If it's uncomfortable and you guys don't click it's probably not going to turn into a stellar friendship. I know what you mean about wondering if you should just straight up flirt. I'm pretty bubbly and expressive with my male friends but was stone-faced and monotone around girls I had nothing in common with, so I really disliked myself for that difference. Turns out I'm just as naturally outgoing with girls who speak in a dude-ish manner.
I had the hardest time connecting with females for a while because where I am most girls are ridiculously polite and stick to safe topics. I tune out at small talk so we never got to a point where we could be ourselves.
No. 46258
>>46237I don't get what your problem is. Are you a special snowflake that's too special to make friends? Is everyone around you a bitch? Are you just like one of the guys hurr durr?
explain
No. 46288
I feel like my life's come to a grinding halt. I don't know what I'm living for anymore. I've been out of college for a few years now, I have a degree in STEM and I know there are jobs just an hour away, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it. I just sit here at my shitty retail job, wasting the hours away at work I don't care about in the slightest. Nothing about career or work makes me happy.
I told myself for years that the most important people in my life were my close friends, that I had gotten so lucky to have such an amazing, tightknit group of people. I don't feel anything like that now. I've been friends with some of these people for nearly 20 years, yet I feel like all of them could up and leave in an instant and it wouldn't affect them in the slightest. Everytime I talk to them or hang out with them I always hear a voice in the back of my head wondering if this will be the last time. I feel like everybody I know sees me as a worthless burden they put up with. The only reason I feel comfortable making this post is because it's anonymous. Everybody I know seems much happier and content with life than me, but my happiness is dependent on constantly chasing after them and hoping I'll get some of the scraps.
Every morning I wake up knowing I'm going to go through the same motions I've gone through hundreds of times before. Everything feels the same to me, like I'm stuck in a loop and there's nothing I can do to stop its slow decay. The most happiness I can muster is momentary bursts about the most trivial things, nothing sustainable. It strains me to genuinely care about almost anything at this point, it all just feels so temporal and worthless.
No. 46312
>>46288I came here to bitch and moan about my own shitty situation when I read your comment.
Anon, except for the fact that you've finished school (kudos, btw) I felt like I was reading something I could've written last week. I have felt similarly and have frequent bouts of depression.
No real advice I can give you. I'm sorry you're in a shitty place right now. I really hope things improve for you soon.
No. 46333
>>46230thank you sweet anon
i feel optimistic, like this is the start of a really positive change in my life. it just sucks knowing i won't have a family anymore to share that with.
No. 46337
>>46334Wtf thats weird im really sorry anon
The best way to deal with it in my experience is to not give them the benefit of existing in your mind as something thats going to keep you awake at night "was it because of the toght sweater i was wearing? " "why didnt i react more quickly", something thats going to worry you
Instead categorise it in your mind like you would a wild animal's attack or an insect bite. Something you shouldn't forget completely and that might be useful to warn your friends about, but not something you should feel bad for.
No. 46343
>>46337Thanks for the advice anon!
Comparing it to a wild animal attack or an insect bite does make me feel a bit better. I already talked to and warned my friends.
No. 46354
>>46343That's great, I'm glad you have friends you can share this sort of stuff with, and that you're looking out for them too.
You didn't react straight away because you were frozen with shock, and that's completely normal. I got felt up at halloween during a party and my reaction was to freeze in shock too. I was like "wtf is happening why is this guy doing this to me? is he mistaken?" By the time I got lucid he was already walking off into the crowd of hundreds of people. Things like this happen, douchebags will be douchebags, I'm just sad I didn't throw a scene and maybe I could have prevented him from doing this to other girls.
I wasn't dressed slutty, I had a long dress and baggy clothing. It felt messed up how I was even thinking about what provoked it. Just like with insects and wild animals, nothing in particular provokes them sometimes, sometimes they see you wearing heels and grope you, sometimes you're wearing the baggiest tracksuit and they grope you. They're doing this because of what's going on inside of their heads, not because of anything you did.
No. 46388
File: 1447214008032.jpg (33.14 KB, 515x382, ss (2015-11-10 at 10.44.01).jp…)
I'm incredibly naive, since I grew up in a very, very safe neighborhood where nothing ever happened. I understand if this isn't much to some people, but it creeped me out. I went shopping today with my brother who remained in the car. In the store, some guy stopped right in front of me and gave a creepy grin. I pretended to not notice him and walked away. Turns out he started to follow me around. Once I walked over to some store employees who were by what I needed, he went to checkout. By the time I picked my items, he was still at the checkout, still looking at me and back at the cashier with a grin.
I paid, walked out and went to put my groceries away in the back of the trunk. Turns out this guy was parked one car away from me. He got out, stood by the driver's door and tried talking to me. I thought he was fucked up because he looked and sounded like Mushmouth, so I ignored him and went to the store right next to the one I just came out of. I spent about 20 minutes in there and thought nothing more of him.
I came out of the store and he was still there. That's when I started to get worried, since I could see him with his head turned, staring at me with his gapped teeth grin and talking to himself. I threw my bags in the trunk and my brother got pissed that I didn't tell him I was being followed around after coming out of the first store. I guess Mushmouth didn't see my brother because of the truck between us, since he zoomed right in front of our car as my brother pulled out. He got out of his car right in front of us and started tapping on his trunk while grinning at us. My brother sped off and Mushmouth got back in his car.
I know nothing happened, but it was just creepy.
No. 46400
>>46354>"wtf is happening why is this guy doing this to me? is he mistaken?" Yeah, I thought something like that too. When I felt the creeper hug me from the back, 11PM, in the middle of an empty but seemingly safe road, my first thought was :"Oh, is it one of my friends?", until I felt him groping me.
>>46388Well that's a creepy experience. The guy sounds like he he is an autistic creeper a la chris-chan. Glad you were with your brother. I'm the same as you, naive because I grew up in a safe place. But as you encounter those idiots, every time you become a bit less naive. Also I think it's good to show annoyance and even aggressiveness towards the person since creepers prey on women who seem like an easy target.
No. 46526
File: 1447368716335.jpg (96.79 KB, 359x514, sda.jpg)
You ever consumed so much caffeine in tea or coffee or energy drinks whatever, and then it suddenly hits you and for that split moment you're like "this is it, this is the day I actually shit my pants".
I got lucky this time but I don't know if I'll be so fortunate the next….
No. 46553
>>46526I once thought it'd be fun to run a marathon. Then I saw a pic of a marathon runner with runner's diarrhea. Thank fuck I only got as far as googling about running because NO. Shitting myself in public is something I fear at times when I'm exceptionally neurotic.
Hope you never shit yourself, anon.
No. 46555
>>46553Thanks fam, me too.
Me too.
No. 46557
File: 1447397094229.png (1.27 MB, 1724x858, Nopemeter.png)
>>46553Jesus fuck I didn't even know that existed wow thank you so much my mind has been enriched
No. 46621
File: 1447463252777.jpg (14.36 KB, 208x200, image.jpg)
God fucking damnit, guys. My younger sister is a lifter.
I've been wondering where the hell she got so much money from - I'm talking like at least 100 every week with no job. she's 17. she broke her phone recently and has been using my device to access Twitter.
She left her direct messages open, where her and her friend literally were bragging about shit they stole. "80 bucks for you from this new Lululemon shit," "I took a lipgloss from x store today!" (actually the store I used to work at not even a month ago, which makes it that much worse.)
She just got a license and skips school all day, I'm guessing to steal shit and smoke weed which she tries to hide. what the fuck happened to my little sister? what the fuck? when the hell did she go from being too scared to break the rules, to asking to be caught? this isn't some kind of game.
I'm scared, /b/. I don't know what to do. I want to help her stop fucking herself up before she goes off the rails, but she doesn't listen to me.
No. 46710
>>46621Is she the type that might be scared straight by having to face the legal and social consequences of her actions, or would that just harden her and confirm her rebellion?
If the former, consider telling your parents and/or the authorities (or at least the store manager of her favorite shoplifting locations).
No. 46743
>>46740Hey, people don't do those things for imaginary experience points, people do them for fun. I'm about to turn 22 and most of my life was spent angry, depressed and in a very dark place. I didn't do much, I played Skyrim a lot. But, that's okay, at the time I had fun. That's what counts.
Sure, I've never gone to some big party or taken a lot of drugs. I only have one drinking story where I puked everywhere, but it's fine. Despite that, I was always doing what I enjoyed, and just because it doesn't involve others doesn't mean it's entirely meaningless.
You can start planning things every once in a while though? Maybe take a day trip to somewhere nice with a friend, check out some cool places, go to Vegas for the hell of it, anything. You have that authority. Besides, you're only 23 soon, you have plenty of time!
No. 46759
>>46740This is so weird because I expressed these things to some of my more outgoing friends earlier this week and they're 100% in on helping me experience shit. Like, I played my first game of beer pong last night. I was terrible, but my team managed to win.
I never really made friends with people who wanted to go and do stuff a whole lot (and I feel like I've mentioned that on here before) but now… as I am about to graduate university in December and move away, I am trying to get in the stuff I feel like I missed.
No. 47044
File: 1447696897238.gif (274.89 KB, 500x281, af31fe9f163b792ac74ddf66e546fc…)
>tfw your super busy with grad school
>tfw your aunt asks you to write an essay for your cousin because they're failing
>tfw you just wrote your lazy cousin a collegiate level essay
>tfw said cousin hasn't spoken to you at any family functions for the past year because they're too ~cool~ for you
>tfw you're just a giant pushover pussy
>mfw I probably won't even get a 'thank you'
such a stupid thing to be upset over but I can't help it…
No. 47055
>>47044Nah I'd be upset too, anon. Your aunt/cousin owe you a favor.
Btw there's a chance the essay will be found out, if the level of writing is way above your cousin's usual work. Or has it been graded already?
No. 47059
File: 1447706753895.gif (1.17 MB, 215x198, 1447560140926.gif)
I was at university last year and was doing so fucking well and mid-way through the course over Christmas I was hospitalised at like 3:00 in the morning with agonising, excruciating pain that legit made me want to die.
Ended up getting diagnosed with endometriosis, had actually had pretty major developing symptoms over the years but my GP's kept waving it off as "lady troubles" and "dysmenorrhea, but I can't get a lap to formally confirm as it's incurable and is now being managed with birth control/painkillers so invasive, potentially fatal surgery = pointless.
After my initial admittance to AE it took me a couple of months and 2 gyno appointments for them to diagnose endo, and in the meantime my grades got super fucking bad from all the missed lessons spent squirming in my accommodation room wishing oblivion would come sooner.
I knew I would outright fail my final exams and was not allowed to redo the year, so I decided to drop out and enrol at a different university on the same course now that my symptoms and the pain are like 97% under control.
Anyway originally my student accommodation agreed to reduce my 51 week Summer contract to the standard 44 weeks and for the last 5 fucking months now they have been arguing with me and pulling every fucking trick in the book to avoid returning my £250 deposit and saying I owe them money even though I've handed them a confidential copy of the documents of my AE stay including all tests ran and their results, a doctor's note confirming my diagnosis and had my university send out an official withdrawal status letter which fucking says in bold in the right hand corner, "REASONS FOR WITHDRAWAL: ACADEMIC/MEDICAL".
Now the manager, who was originally sweet as pie and oh-so accommodating and faux-understanding is outright ignoring all my emails and all my calls.
I am fucking PISSED guys. PISSED.
I am calling the reception tomorrow and demanding the details of the redress scheme they're operating under and the 3rd party that's currently got my deposit and I swear on me mam m8's I am going to BTFO these assholes.
These fucking faggots acting like I chose to get fucking sick and waste an entire year of my life at a university I had to leave after 9 months FUCK
No. 47064
File: 1447707832964.jpg (130.44 KB, 720x576, AY8WUN4.jpg)
>>47062It really is and I'm MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD.
Just wait though I am going to fuck them up, even if it means having to escalate this to legal proceedings for a poxy £250.
No. 47104
>>47098I so relate to this. I feel like almost everyone on the internet always claims they're so damn smart, IQ about 130, top marks, acing every class but never study… the truth is most of these people are young teenagers or people who don't even go to college. That, and a lot of lying.
So maybe you're "average". That's still fine. There's nothing wrong with that, and you're obviously dealing with issues so it's quite good. It's better than a lot of people can say. Plus, you enjoy your classes. That means a LOT. Keep going.
No. 47107
>>47104I'm one of those kids who got top marks in high school only to realise that everyone around me now matriculated with the same marks as I did, even the people I think of as dumb or immature. I never learned how to cope adequately with failure or study effectively because people told me I was smart. I hate myself for typing that out but I get you too, anon. I see the same sentiment every time this topic comes up in online discussions and I want to punch the poster who says it every time because it's the truth and there's no hiding from it. There's no way to overcome it in the short term, and I feel like I might never get over it in the long term. The truth burns and I hate myself for it every time I remember. If I wasn't writing this post right now I'd be disgusted and close out of the tab.
I wish it was easier to accept being mediocre in the face of society telling you to work yourself to be THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST. How do you cope with dreams dying and losing what was promised but still never yours at all? I have no idea but I'm going to to channel all the emotion into as best of an answer as I can for my application essays and interviews, and maybe I'll figure it out along the way.
For any high school kids reading this right now, consider a trade school. Look at what they offer in terms of experience and training. You can always get a bachelor's later, but you can't take back years wasted in depression and self-loathing because you tried to climb a mountain you weren't ready for because no one ever taught you how.
No. 47109
>>47107Even very smart people often have to study and work hard to be good at things. It's best to not even try to think about your own intelligence. Intelligence is ill-defined, and wondering about your own intelligence or comparing your intelligence to others is a total distraction. Just focus on what you actually want to do, and expend effort trying to master it.
I say this because someone who's been told they're naturally smart all their life, may think of themselves as dumb once they get into college, try to pass tough classes without studying, and start failing. The reality is they're probably not dumb and may or may not be smart. But by thinking they're dumb, it starts to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Trade schools aren't bad, but anyone who wishes to pursue a career that generally requires college education should give it a shot. Even if they think they're dumb. As long as you have (maybe slightly above) average intelligence at a minimum, hard work can get you through most anything. You should only go to a trade school if you actually want a career in a trade (or live in the US and really cannot afford even community college for some reason).
A lot of people went through what you went through, including myself. It's a shock to the system, but the key is not to dwell on it, and instead keep focusing on your goals, even if it requires doubling or tripling the effort you're putting in.
No. 47110
File: 1447739933558.jpg (90.57 KB, 628x628, 20229_1471478576501126_4095465…)
>>37152i decided to not go to college and just try to get an acting career
it feels great. no more homework nor exam for me.
No. 47122
>>47107Anon, I feel you so much
>top grades in school>never needed to study much>effortlessly got into Uni because good grades>parents have hi gh expectations, tell me how smart and wonderful I am all the time
>go to Uni>not used to work>grades below average>never really had to learn how to study or manage my time in school, so now grades are even worse>school never taught me to think for myself or having to do anything on my own (like reasearch) so I'm a complete moron when it comes to that>too afraid of failure to even try writing a 15 pages paper>completly disappointed every kind of hope my parents ever hadOn top of that I have literally no idea what to do with my life. I don't even know what kind of job I want. I don't know what I am doing this all for. I still ike my field (language/linguistic related) but I fucking hate academia. I know my parents are worried for me and secretly think I failed at life, hell even my little brother thinks I am a failure by now. By now I mostly want the degree just to get my parents/family to shut the fuck up; more out of pure spite than anything else.
>A-at least I'm a Eurofag and won't have a mountain of debt after graduating. ;_; No. 47123
>>47122>>school never taught me to think for myself or having to do anything on my own (like reasearch) so I'm a complete moron when it comes to thatWell you're not going to learn unless you actually do it
yourself.
Sounds like you were just babied too much.
No. 47125
>>47123I was just "smart" enough to pass the school system without having to try too hard. When I did badly on my first Uni exams I wasn't prepared for that at all. After thirteen years of perfectioning my school tactics it turned out it was worth nothing in Uni, and that I would have to apporach this differently (meaning: actually trying and studying hard).
I just felt ill-prepared and worthless, my parents were disappointed,
I was disappointed with myself, and combined with the fact that I was a friendless loser in Uni led me to fell into a depression in the first year of Uni; I'm in my third year now and only very slowly crawling out of it.
No. 47145
>>47127>>47129Good for you anon. I've always wanted to take up boxing or martial arts as an outlet for my anger and eventually a source of stability and peace.
For now I'm settling to going to the arcade near me and playing those game where you throw balls to knock over targets. I've been told my face gets terrifying.
Regular exercise while listening to trap or metal helps as well but it's not as satisfying.
Seconding question to other farmers for tips for depenting all the rage.
No. 47199
>>47098>I think if I killed myself or hurt myself badly now I'd feel more grounded and less afraidThroughout my youth I always had suicidal thoughts and was kind of borderline depressed (I think, I never got help for it) coupled with a weird inability to get close to enough people to share my problems with, it all accumulated until an event
triggered the breaking point and I tried to kill myself. Weirdly enough, I woke up the next morning feeling completely fine about myself and haven't had suicidal thoughts ever since. My attempt was really shitty so no one really knows what I did, so I never got help for doing that either. Every now and again when the weather gets really bad I feel down about stuff but it's never gotten to the point where it used to be.
I wonder why.
No. 47244
>>46553 This almost happened to me when I was out jogging yesterday. I always make sure to go to the bathroom before I leave the house but I didn't take a bottle of water with me while I was running, and became dehydrated.
>on a riverside path in the woods by myself>suddenly start getting weird intestinal pain halfway down>feel like I'm going to shit myself or faint if I keep running>awkwardly walk the 1 mile or so back to vehicle while trying to maintain composure when other people pass by I think I'm going to stick with the gym for a while.
No. 47245
File: 1447865318137.jpg (64.49 KB, 300x247, feral-cat-300.jpg)
I hate my cat and I’m at my wit’s end as to what to do with him.
In July I adopted a litter of three orphaned feral kittens that kept showing up near my door. I brought them inside and they have all become indoor cats. Since then two of the three cats have become completely tame. However the runt of the litter has remained feral. He won’t let anyone touch him and he only shows up to beg for food.
I gave this cat multiple chances, but today was a bit of a breaking point. I try to stay on top of making sure my animals are free of fleas and other parasites. However I recently noticed that my cats and my dog started to get fleas. On top of flea medication, I medicated them for intestinal parasites for good measure all except the feral cat.
When I first got the cats the runt was sick to the point where he needed a vet visit, and since then he has been aversive to medication syringes and medication in general. When it was his turn to medicate him for fleas and dewormer he wouldn’t have it. I tried luring him with food, tried trapping him, and catching him. I tried putting the dewormer in the food, but he smelled it and wouldn’t touch it.
I’m at a loss as to this cat’s inability to being handled. I can’t have this running around my home with fleas and other possible parasites and infecting my other pets. I’m also going to be moving across states within the next few months and I’m not sure how I can bring this cat with me. I thought about doing adoption, but I don’t know if people even adopt feral cats. I’ll probably call my local vet place for some advice as to how to deal with this.
No. 47270
>>47263I feel this way, a lot. My mother passed away as did one of my sisters. Both had cancer and both died in a lot of pain, I was small when it happened, I never got any insight on how they really felt, I always thought they looked so strong though, till nearer the end of their days where they were bed ridden and couldn't see/speak.
My mother died when I was 12 so maybe the things I say won't be so relevant to you, but it's been a bit of a long time since she passed and I'm still here. There have definitely been many moments where I couldn't take it anymore, extremely suicidal and I would blame everything on the fact that I had a dead mum. That all my problems would be so much easier if my mum was still here for me, and that was extremely difficult to go through but I went through it alone. I met people, people who would miss me, I had previously been a recluse and I thought it would be impossible for me to ever make a friend but I did. I am so glad I pushed on because I found friends and I found possibilities, I can imagine what the future will be like a little better than I did before.
Of course, I'm still not entirely okay. I have a lot of mental issues which will take time and endurance to overcome but looking back at how bad I was, I would say it's definitely possible. It takes motivation, which is really difficult when nothing around you makes you feel anything whatsoever, I immersed myself entirely in the things I enjoyed and escaped for a while and that helped for me at least.
I hope you get through this anon, I honestly believe you will find happiness if you carry on, why not go find it? There are still so many experiences waiting for you
No. 47277
>>47263My mom died this past July. I watched her gasp for air for about an hour until the rest of the family came. I hugged her until she stopped breathing. She also told me she wished she could just go (die). In fact she arranged for a do not resuscitate. I wasnt going to watch them break her ribs trying to give her cpr (she was a tiny Asian lady) So, the kindest thing we could do for her was let her go. I love her and miss her so much. Now my dad is all alone in the house they lived in for 20yrs. He is very happy to see me when I visit. It makes me feel good to know I can make him happy, because I understand the pain of really losing someone.
It sounds to me like you are more afraid of being in pain than anything. You shouldn't let fear tell you what to do. If you kill yourself your dad will miss you. I can't imagine the pain it would cause my dad if I died too. I don't know what you were in therapy for, but You should go back, You probably just miss the shit out of your mom tbh, you need to work out your fear of pain.
No. 47487
>>47473I'm like this too!
It's really frustrating, isn't it? I'm personally hoping that if I stop eating crap and exercise a little, I'll feel better. But since you get sick on important days too, it might be psychosomatic as well. Do you think excessively negative thoughts? Do you worry yourself sick?
No. 47670
>>47537You can do it anon. I did it for 2 years. I threw myself into school so I had no time for 4chan. I also deactivated my facebook. Felt amazing. Its hard at first, you have to actively catch yourself uncounsiously typing in the url. But it gets easier with time. Then I had some free time and I decided to Google some old cows and found myself here and now I'm caught in the wheel again.
Thanks for posting this anon, it's reminded me I need to gtfo here.
No. 47683
>>47537I feel like this too, so I stop coming in as much as I used to. I blocked this site on my regular browser, but allow myself to come in on incognito when I want to see whats posted on these specific types of threads. I couldn't care less about the cows ever since the Berry threads started appearing and all of a sudden shooping your pic and lying about what you're studying was considered milk. Even /b isn't entertaining to me as much anymore.
The allowances given to some people here is sad and made me feel like I was going around in circles when trying to explain shit that was simple logic. I mean there is now /g and /snow, and while I appreciate the effort to try and unclog the other boards, it seems like its own
trigger warning kind of thing. Had people simply followed protocol, they would have never been necessary and less people would have had their bs ideas supported.
No. 48039
File: 1448422534281.jpg (43.41 KB, 348x500, 515bNnBbMpL.jpg)
I'm living abroad ATM and as of this morning I got a Facebook message from my older brother wanting to know if I'll be coming home for the holidays. I'm pretty tight for money so I know I can't go anywhere paying full prices.
He then told me that a family member has access to buddy passes so I can get on a flight pretty cheap. I'd be flying standby though. The thing is, the thought of flying 12 hours back to america just to stay a full month isn't sounding that great to me to be honest.
I think I got my parent's hopes up that I'd be coming, since they really miss me and we are really close. But if I go, I can't renew the contract on my apartment (which ends in like a week, so I'd have to be out of here with all my stuff packed and leave by Tuesday), and I would have to house hunt as soon as I got back. I'd also have to fly standby both ways, which is extremely stress inducing and…just ugh.
Not to mention adding the stress of not being able to see my SO for about a month and a half. It's like a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing. I was really looking forward to spending christmas with my SO and we had made tons of plans, and then my family just springs this on me. I love them like crazy, but I'm not sure what I should do. I just skyped with my mom and she got way too excited talking about setting up the decorations together and baking Christmas cookies and what not. It's also her first Christmas without me being home, so understandably she is going to be very upset. Ugh, I hate being in this position.
My uncle said he thinks that he only has 1 standby ticket left. I'm praying to multiple gods that he just doesn't have any at all.
No. 48076
>>48057Maybe have him come visit you? Honestly my parents were pretty scoffy and distant when my bf and I were long distance (We had met and known each other for a month or two before he had to go back to his country), but after he visited and met them and they got to see him for who he is they were more interested in our relationship.
Honestly, from a parental point of view I can see why they don't want their underage daughter travelling god knows how many miles just to meet some boy. There's a huge safety factor in all of this.
No. 48090
File: 1448515791381.jpg (99.82 KB, 625x838, 1448305485070.jpg)
I took a film module as part of my single-honours degree this year and it's 6 hours a week of watching really old films, 3 compulsory, 3 optional.
I've only been attending the mandatory sessions but the entire semester 1 is graded 100% via an essay and after all this time spent watching movies the only thing I can say is that I don't know anything about cinema!
I don't know fuck all about the Maysles brothers, nothing about Pier Paolo Pasolini… I mean I know "things", facts, information, but I can't really "discuss" anything about techniques or formats or technicalities.
God I've just been so swamped with work from my main degree subject that I've completely neglected this module and now I'm absolutely bricking having to write this bastard essay.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh somebody save me this isn't fun at all!
No. 48337
>>48316Ugh this is haunting me now. I realized I have a blast meeting and learning about new friends but after a while it gets past that honeymoon stage and it's more and more of a challenge to keep up fun conversation. It bums me out knowing that I need breaks from people to recharge on topics, and dating/living with someome is particularly upsetting as we fall into a mundane daily cycle. It's not like it's impossible to have good discussions anymore but of course they become less and less frequent. Shit's sad. Alcohol helps.
I used to have endless chats up until my teens but I realized everything we talked about was drama or bitchery. I've quit gossiping outside of anon so it's really necessary to keep bettering myself and learning new things for conversation's sake but it's exhausting and I still feel like a bore once they get to know me better.
No. 48452
>>48348Anon that's so awful.
Even with FAS actual mental debilitation is rare and most children with FAS go on to love entirely happy, normal lives.
You did the best you could with your situation and actually I'm pretty proud of the fact that instead of giving in you managed to fight on to where you are are today. You're still here today and that's really something.
If that happened to me I'm pretty sure I'd go insane and I'd very likely be imprisoned for the murder of the guy that raped me. In fact that's not even a question I would put the fucker down.
No. 48521
>>48499what language is it in? you could still make a thread about her, it would be the first nonenglish thread on /lolcow/
I like the idea
No. 48666
>>48076I would suggest this too. When I was 17, I asked my parents if my online bf could come visit us and live under their roof while he was here.
I thought they would never let me meet him no matter what, but to my surprise, they said yes. They thought it was a reasonable compromise. They knew I was going to meet him someday, somehow, so why not on their terms and under their protection? They could send him packing if they thought he was a piece of shit. It worked out pretty nicely because my bf (now husband) was respectful and a good guy.
No. 48675
File: 1448992224797.png (501.04 KB, 572x662, maid marx.png)
University is killing me. I've made some great friends there and I managed to get much better at talking to others in general. Before that I was really shy.
But I hate how I have barely enough time to do anything except study. The administration made sure people in my courses have the worst schedule possible and a bunch of random exams in the middle of the semester, unlike everyone else in this college. I'm poor and can't find a job because I don't have time for that. I can barely see a doctor whenever I need to, for example I have a broken tooth since 2 weeks ago and I will only be able to see a dentist next Monday.
On the other hand, we got a surprise exam a month ago and all the people I hate didn't go to the technically mandatory classes without any sort of paper allowing them to skip said class, so they're in some deep shit. Most of them got threatened with having the semester unvalidated, regardless of their actual GPA, which is a very well established rule. This means that they won't have their degree this year and will have to redo the whole semester next year if that's the case. These bitches wouldn't stop asking me to give them my notes because they want to skip classes to sleep more or whatever and thus act all smug because they had more time to go party. That'll teach them. I know I sound needlessly better as fuck but I don't care, they're annoying and won't stop showing-off for no good reason so I can't feel sorry for them.
No. 48684
>>48675tbh Anon I don't want to sound harsh but that's kind of what university is supposed to be.
It's 3-5 years of brutality to properly introduce you into adult employment/scholar-ism, and you do it so that you don't end up shelf-stacking or burger-flipping (which are perfectly respectable jobs, but they offer little in the way of advancement or opportunity).
I'm in my first year and already we've lost around 20% of the class, and every single one that's left are the ones that came thinking university for like the fucking Inbetweeners and a 24/7 party and are coming into every class with a hangover or not showing up at all.
There's this one girl in my class who's just clinging on and we started on the 19th Sep, it's 1st Dec and she's already -£300 into her overdraft because she goes out drinking about 5-6 nights a week and so DPD is on her ass bigtime.
This is why it's SO, SO, SOOOOOOOOO important to choose a subject that you really adore, so that every class and every assignment isn't a chore, it's a treat, and you actually wake up excited for what you're going to study that day.
Fuck all the people in your class trying to beg your notes though. I've got people trying to do that shit to me and they can fuck right off, lazy mooches.
No. 48688
>>48684I'm in my 3rd year in a French university so things may be a bit different from what you're personally experiencing. I "play by the rules" let's say, so I skip as little classes as possible and don't spend that much time doing things unrelated to my major. In my university, there are specific "rules" for people who have a job as long as they bring the documents proving it on times. This is partly why so many people in my major are fucked this semester: our classes and exams are a bit different from before and they didn't bother checking how we're going to be graded and punished if we don't do our exams this year. Many of them didn't bring their documents to the administration, thinking they wouldn't need to. It's a bit complicated, I don't know how to explain with more details. But basically I can't have a job right now because of this bullshit, and it looks like being broke for some weeks instead was a wiser decision.
Because of how things are in French universities we don't choose each subjects we want to study. We just choose our major, maybe a minor if you're a total masochist or a genius. The people I talked about were the ones who could afford partying because they're skipping so many classes and getting all the notes of said classes from other people they could rearrange their schedule and study better than others. And to be able to skip classes you have to be rich enough not to get a scholarship, because the organization giving the scholarship could ask you to reimburse them if your attendance is low. It's incredibly unfair if you ask me.
I study Japanese and English as foreign languages and I still can't believe the number of weebs who gave up in the middle of the very first semester. I befriended a lot of students back then, now I have no idea where there are. They all disappeared very suddenly. Now we're half as many as day one at least, and I'm counting all the students sent abroad.
No. 48735
>>48675College is supposed to be difficult. Get used to it, anon.
How do you know that not a single one of those people was sick? Or maybe they're struggling with school because of personal issues? Not everyone who struggles with class is some stupid partier– and how would you feel if you accidentally missed that really important day and no one would let you copy their notes?
Idk, maybe I'm of the opinion that when you're in a class you're supposed to help each other out. Especially near the end of the year when everyone is struggling, and those who stopped taking the class seriously already left. In my foreign language class, we began with 13 people. Today in class, there were only 4.
I guess what I'm saying, anon, is that you need to realize that university is really difficult, but it's easier when you help others and form study groups with them instead of hating people for no reason.
I don't mind sharing my notes, because I know that one day I'm going to be sick and I'll have to ask for notes too. But maybe I have a weird mentality because I go to a really small university that's a bit more like a community college.
Sage because I'm going to get attacked anyway and I don't feel like bumping the thread.
No. 48985
>>48735I don't know if I expressed myself well enough but anyway. I already know college is supposed to be difficult. Most people I'm talking about just wouldn't stop bragging about how they skipped the class because it sucks and the teacher sucks and they'd rather sleep or hang out with each other, so it was explicitly stated. Anyway the one who were sick or had personal problems could show documents to the teacher to prove it and I'm sure they did so.
"maybe I'm of the opinion that when you're in a class you're supposed to help each other out." I know it doesn't seem that way bu I absolutely agree, actually. I help some classmates I trust as much as possible, especially when they have a job that prevent them from attending some specific classes, since I don't have a job myself. The people I'm talking about are the ones who ask for help all the time for no valid reason and won't help others or even mock others, so it's pretty one-sided in that case. It's sometimes so bad that have to wait until the next break to go to the hospital for important consultations. Some of them even think we're in some sort of competition, it's ridiculous. Maybe I'm too picky when it comes to things like that, but I know how people in my major are by now and who I can and can't trust.
No. 49006
>>48945>grant money>thousands of dollars in medical bills>have to drop out of college entirelyAre you American? I can't imagine this happen in Germany.
>be injured>health insurance covers most of the bills>you pay around 250€ per semester, so not much money lost>just apologize to your teachers and postpone the classes and examds to anoher semester>maybe take a break semester>???>profitThe only thing that might suck balls is if you are depndent on BaFög, the government support. Which sucks balls, hard.
No. 49011
I don't even know, man. Life's going okay, I guess..? I guess. Maybe. I might be leaving the nest, because I've for a while I was kind of a robot when I broke up with my ex. I was just interested in vidya and less productive stuff, and had an awful toxic, paranoid attitude about people and women especially because she put me through some serious shit. By now I've gone outta that shit, but I'm still worried about being on my own.
I mean, I'm not totally hopeless, I got accepted into college pretty easily and I have a general idea to where and what I wanna do, and what to expect. However, I'm still not used to this whole 'being a functional adult with needs and responsibilities' thing. I've seen so many friends fuck up and fail or get into fucked positions because of how they screwed up because they made some mistake, and that's terrified me, especially because these are people I looked up to and saw as older brother/sister figures.
I'm worried that some day I might just… Shut down or destroy myself, or something like that, like, have something really bad happen to me, and I make bad choices because I'm pissed and depressed that I fucked up, and so I just fuck my shit up further. I've done it before, I think they call it a 'tilt'?
Anyhow, I'm a fledgling adult who got into lolcow business, and CWC in specific at 13, went through the whole A-Log phase, and eventually learned that me and Chris aren't exactly completely different, learned from Chris, and now I'm just stuck with anxiety that someday, maybe, I might slip into my old Chris attitudes after a few fuck-ups, since I've done it before.
No. 49017
>>49006Yes, I am from the US. I paid back $2800 in grant money and my medical bills related to that incident totaled to about $3500.
My grants were from the government and the college. I had the grant repayment reduced when I provided a doctor's note, but I still had to reimburse them 50% of that semester's cost. I'm also essentially suspended for not attending classes and not maintaining a certain GPA. I have to petition if I want to go back to that school.
It's all bullshit.
No. 49075
File: 1449164158045.jpg (53.48 KB, 640x437, 1448844194526.jpg)
I'm a little bit frightened.
Been having problems with a cracked and severely impacted wisdom tooth for a while now and it's due to be extracted soon but I believe it's become infected very recently.
Can't eat on one side of my mouth now lest I risk touching it but on my way home earlier I forgot and whilst eating a pastry I bit using the tooth and oh god the pain, but I knew what was coming and that it was going to get worse very, very, very soon.
I read that you can take codeine, ibuprofen and paracetemol online safely with no interactions so I took 2 pills of each (I was in agony and desperate), 2 x 500mg of paracetemol, 2 x 200mg of iburprofen and 2 x 30mg of codeine phosphate and amazingly it's knocked the pain right out of my mouth completely and saved me a night of agony and tears, but I feel very strange.
I feel a little floaty and not-all-there, and sleepy. Is this just the codeine though?
I've read that one of the effects of codeine is a light euphoria and tiredness.
1g paracetamol, 400mg of ibuprofen and 60mg of codeine isn't going to kill me is it? ;__;
No. 49076
>>49075Eurghhhhh I really don't like this sensation from the codeine phosphate at all. I feel weird, really, really weird and it's making me anxious.
People take this shit recreationally?
Why? It feels awful.
No. 49080
>>49078>>49079Ty for alleviating my fears.
I'm a pussy when it comes to drugs and always scared I'm gonna end up as one of those people in the news with some headline like "UNIVERSITY STUDENT DIES ALONE IN ACCOMMODATION FROM ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE TRYING TO RELIEVE DENTAL PAINS; DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN "YOUR" MEDICINE CABINET!?"
Must just be the codeine then.
This is a horrible feeling eurgh, all floaty like I'm not completely inside my body.
No. 49082
>>49081Thanks Anon it sounds like you know your shit. I'm glad people like you frequent this site.
I only have 30mg pills so I'll try splitting one next time x
No. 49084
>>49082I don't mind giving medicine advice on simple things like this, as its stuff I can confidently figure out from biochemistry/organic chemistry knowledge. hope you feel better soon anon!
also, more medical tip for your wisdom teeth situation: when they remove them, they should tell you not to smoke or drink anything from a straw (things that make you suck in), because it can cause a dry socket (exposes a nerve where they removed your wisdom teeth), which is severely severely astonishingly painful, and conventional pain medicine does not help with AT ALL. but, what they might not tell you is, if you take birth control it can increase the chance of it happening as well, so just be mega careful. I got one with my wisdom teeth and it was pretty horrific. so be careful!
No. 49087
>>49084Oh fuck I'm on cerazette right now.
Should I stop taking it a month before the extraction and at least a month after then?
Thank you so much for your advice btw, and I'm getting the extraction under intravenous sedation so I won't really be "there" for any of it.
No. 49088
>>49087Yeah, I was on BC when I got mine taken out, didn't smoke or use a straw, and 1.5 week later, got a dry socket on a Friday, dentist was closed, so were doctor's offices, and was in misery until monday when the dentist could see me. hell, I went to the ER on that saturday and the doctor there was like "nope can't help you, idk what to do" and all the drug stores near me didn't sell clove oil (which is what they will pack your socket with to help it), so it was a shitty experience.
as for going off your bc for the procedure, i know that it can get out of your system in like 2 days (myth that it takes months to get out of your system), but I don't know the feasibility of it for you, like if you're on it for pregnancy reasons or hormonal reasons. I mean, I'd rather a dry socket than a baby, lol. i'd call your gyno and ask what they recommend, or try and get the procedure done at the end of your cycle when your estrogen levels are lowest and least likely to give you a dry socket (your period is the beginning of your cycle, not the end which most people think). that would be your best bet tbh than going off your bc.
No. 49308
I'm currently attending some kind of community college, just trying to get my diploma that'll allow me to apply for university.
>Am one of those students who always get an A on every test but perform horribly on the exams that matter
>Ended up with a D in my native language class despite being the top student
>Failed chemistry class cause my teacher was awful and not fit to teach
>Last year was super stressful so fucked up during most of the exams
>Ended up with a few Bs, 1 A and many Cs and Ds
>Redos aren't possible
>Current average grade is not very impressive
>Signed up for Japanese classes at the start of the year cause I'm a dumb weeb and thought it would be fun to have that on my diploma
>Online classes is the only thing that would fit on the schedule
>Never really got time to practice oral skills
>Went down with stress and some intense heartbreak two months ago and only just got myself back together a few weeks ago
>Just trying to catch up to all classes while forcing myself to relax as much as possible
>Decided a month ago to drop my Japanese exam, I feel like I've learned a lot, but I'm not even close to having the skills required to pass this exam and winter finals is the last thing I need right now
>Live in one of those countries where we get paid to go to school (And school is basically treated like work.)
>Because of this I would lose my money for the month if I dropped out of the class before the exam, something I really cannot afford
>The exam takes place on the last day before the holidays begin on my main school
>The school where the Japanese classes take place is a different institution, can't afford anymore sick days at my main school, so even if I wanted to attend the exam I can't
>Have to live with an Fx on my already super unimpressive exam diploma now
>Future dream uni courses require an overall average of C in order to have the slightest chance of getting in.
>Because of my failed chemistry class and this Japanese exam, I'll need to get a B or A on all of the 9 final exams I have left if I want a fair chance to get accepted into my dream course
I can probably do this, but I'm just so scared of expecting good things from myself because of the disappointment that occurs when I fail.
It wasn't until last month that I even figured out what I want to do with my life. All of last year it was easy to slack off a little cause I wasn't prioritising my future, just prioritising on getting my diploma.
Then I found a course that actually seriously renewed my interest in learning and studying towards a goal. Unfortunately it's the most popular course in my field of interest, and I just feel like I found out about it way too late to have a decent chance of getting in.
Sorry for the bad english, feeling pretty rough today.
No. 49331
>>49309I don't usually post bait, I actually argue. Sometimes I even argue against myself. The more dumb subjects I argue about the less I want to win them which actually seems to help with being a more chill person on non-anon boards.
I also didn't realise that this was the vent thread and not the confessions thread.
No. 49332
Recently, I've been feeling really paranoid and full of self loathing. I just flat out left the gym after thirty minutes of working out because I felt like people were looking at me. I feel gross. I feel like every time I hear someone behind me they're talking bad about me, no matter who they are. I feel like my friends are just friends with me because they feel like it'd be too bothersome to let me down. I just feel annoying and a waste, and that everything I do isn't enough. I hold onto basic social mistakes (waving when the person was waving to someone behind me) way too long, and I don't feel like a successful, decent person at all. I try to stay cool, stay confident, stay relaxed, but every time I fuck up it all comes undone and I just feel the need to go back to my computer and shitpost and pretend to work. I don't even know why I don't work anymore. I don't enjoy vidya, youtube videos, or much music. God, it sucks, because I used to be huge on music and now all of it is just 'blah'. Now I just sit and stare and zone out, and sometimes I'll pick up a tone or a riff here and there.
How do you get out from being a burnout? I don't even know what I enjoy anymore besides masturbating and looking at cute guys. I'm thinking of just getting a helium tank when I finally leave the nest.
No. 49347
File: 1449398950854.png (102.61 KB, 500x317, 1417330788829.png)
Good feels today, for once in my life. I was always awkward and shy for a bunch of reasons, and I always tried to change and feel better about myself. I finally feel like things are working for me.
This semester is over, I just have to study hard for final exams. I feel like over the years, since I'm in college, I've managed to be less shy, more cheerful, more fashionable and thus look more friendly (it's amazing ow people judge by looks though). I've also gotten better at studying and budgeting. Even when I have bad grades my teachers, even the strictest ones, say nice things to me and encourage me to keep working, because I'm getting better and better at their subjects. I also finally have friends I like a lot and who like me too instead of just using me for stupid shit. We even have the same weeb hobbies.
Since my real goal is to get out of my parents' home as soon as I graduate I just need to find a job to achieve it. Too bad it's really hard to find one where I live, especially as a student, but I'm super motivated right now.
No. 49406
>>49400Eh, it's a feels/vent thread. Something probably happened to make her pull the
>Women are the fairer sex!Bullshit.
Unless it's a troll post (which it probably is).
No. 49409
>>49408True one of my friends with to an ENT and it did wonders for him.
I also once left a couple of empty water bottles in her room (which was not good I admit) and she thought that I trashed other people's rooms and that I didn't do enough for other people. I don't feel that is true at all. I almost always volunteer to help out other people when I can and I don't think I get invited into other people's rooms to trash them.
Do people think I'm dumb? Maybe, I think I do definitely give out a ditzy vibe and having my mouth open probably doesn't help. But idk, if people think I'm that stupid after seeing me for 1 minute then i don't think I could be good friends with them.
No. 49429
>>48501Oh man, it's not really horror stories, but every single time there is a relatively small cosplay competition in the nearby area (not the big ones, she doesn't compete in those) she competes, but if she doesn't win…oh boy.
Last two times she wore the same costume to two competitions and won none of them, not even honorable mention, and she goes on her public FB and bitches and whines and blames the judges and says it's rigged.
Both of these times it's been very small competitions that haven't even been focused on rewards, they were more focused on just bringing cosplayers together and every time she makes a shitstorm about it on her FB. Worst is her boyfriend and "fans" keep white knighting her something retarded. Like, her boyfriend went all "she worked SO HARD for her costume!!!"
>implying the winners didn't work hard on their costumes tooShe's just a stain on our local community, truly unneeded.
>>48521It's a very small language and a small community, in the end I don't think it'd be worth it's own thread since she's so contained.
But I still hate her guts.
No. 49445
Jesus fucking christ, today was my first day of preparing myself for finals. I thought it would be cool not to have any class but now I'm stuck with my stupid as fuck family. They don't know what respect is, they steal and break my shit all the time, they threaten me with kicking me out of the house because "by now I should be already be married" (I'm 21 for reference)or beating me up, they prevent me from taking a shower when they're at home which means almost all the time (sometimes I have to go out after not washing myself for almost a week, it's that bad), they won't stop making so much noise all day and night long that I've been sleep deprived for years, etc. My mother use the pretext that she's physically handicapped so I have to help her all the time with shit that have nothing to do with me.
I'm too poor to move out and stay in my city where I study, too poor to move in another city where renting could be possible, I have no job and it's really hard to find one where I live, etc. and nobody can help me. I don't know what to do to improve my situation.
No. 49449
>>49441How horrific. I'm so sorry. Have you talked with your partner yet?
>>49445I'm so sorry–this sounds super stressful. It might not help you now since school's on break, but if your school has a gym you could probably take showers in their locker room during the school year.
Best wishes to both of you.
No. 49465
>>49441Maybe I'm a bad person for saying this, but…. you can DIY terminate by sticking celery up your vagina and leaving it there all day/changing the stick every day over a period of 1-3 days, sometimes less.
Also eating it, the stalks, the roots, the seeds, they all cause uterine contractions that can result in miscarriage.
This is what I'd do if I was in your situation tbh. Good luck Anon.
No. 49538
>>49462but you love penis right? girl me too.
>>49465I'm in fucking tears
No. 49544
>>49537>>49538I'm not lying; Google it.
Celery is an abortifacient. Consuming boiled celery was an ancient Egyptian method of "contraception".
No. 49657
File: 1449620431741.png (71.2 KB, 500x700, tumblr_m1zlt2neZT1r3ynm3.png)
For the past week I've been staying up till 4am just browsing Reddit, 4chan, here and watching porn. I always think to myself: "Use this time to learn WebDev. Give it 5 minutes, just do some excercises, just one." But I never do. I go to bed thinking: "Tomorrow. You need the money. You have no skills, no education. What will you do with your life?"..I wake up and off I go to reddit. I browse and play mobage all day. Sometimes I don't sleep at all and pass out at noon and get up at 5 or 6 pm. It's funny cause I also have some kind of eye infection too! I hate my life<3.
crosspostan…
No. 49716
>>49715That's what I always do, I'm not even sure she noticed that was MY blog specifically but she must have notice that we're in the university. I even deleted a bunch of info about me such as my age, my gender or my nickname some months ago just in case.
But I forgot that one of my best friends is one of my mutuals, so she reblogged something from me, then that girl from my university who follow her blog reblogged my post, and I understood who she is because of her description (even though it's vague).
No. 49742
File: 1449704514418.gif (1.31 MB, 339x336, 1448045505753.gif)
My life has been shit ever since I was 2, and I'm a shitty person addled with issues because of it. I'm super bitter and butthurt about the tough childhood I had, to the point that I'm unable to empathise with most people's problems. My friends tell me about how hard it was for them because their parents were getting divorced, or because they had to share their room woth their sister. Well I fucking slept on the floor, covered in bedbugs, and shared a tiny room with my chainsmoking abusive mentally disturbed mother. Worst part is, nobody knows about it, because I moved abroad and told nobody here, I don't want my friends to know because I don't want their pity abd disgust.
I often lie about my childhood and teenage years. I moved out when I was 16, but I tell people moved out at 19. I lie and act like I know what birthday parties as a kid are or how I had friends.
My weirdness due to being raised in neglect shows, and I sometimes want to scream in my friend's faces, when they think I'm being a weirdo because I'm eccentric or childish. No, I'm literally emotionally stunted you spoilt cunts.
I also hate SJW shit because I'm white, and being white gave me no amazing benefits.
I'm so messed up it feels like too much work, just struggling to be functional. What's the point? I'll never catch up to everyone else, the nightmares will never stop, I'll never be normal.
The only thing that keeps me from considering suicide is the fact that some people in my life might get sad.
No. 49749
>>49746Hey Anon, with your episode did you experience a sensation of time having slowed down immensely and a massive disassociation/disconnection with symptoms of derealism and believing that perhaps you were dead without realising it?
My boyfriend experienced this after smoking alone in his room one night and nobody ever believed him because "lol weed can't do that".
Admittedly it took me a while to fully understand it because it's always been a casual smoker.
It took my boyfriend years of therapy and doing shit like yoga and relaxation tapes to control the panic attacks (and getting into Taoism), and after 4 years he's pretty much fully recovered with the occasional speed bump, but he was already showing amazing progress even within the first year.
If you experienced the same thing you should no you're not alone.
If you do some research you'll find that this experience is actually surprisingly common in people with predisposition towards mental illness, but rarely talked about because everybody thinks weed is totally harmless for 100% of the population.
Video related; even happened to a cop.
No. 49753
>>49742>I also hate SJW shit because I'm white, and being white gave me no amazing benefits. I hate SJWs too, and happen to be white, but that's a terrible reason to hate or even disagree with them. There are much better reasons why you should disagree with them.
>>49746Did you have psychotic symptoms before smoking the weed? Sounds like you probably have schizophrenia, which appeared sooner than it would have otherwise due to drugs.
No. 49760
>>49749Well, I don't have a good concept of time (my boyfriend told me one episode took 4 hours when I thought it was about 20mins) and I feel like I'm in a dream or something. Hard to explain.
>>49753I didn't have psychotic symptoms before smoking weed, although I was a long term smoker (picking it up, then dropping it over the years). I just had anxiety and depression.
>>49754I really hope I don't have schizo. I'm too high functioning.
No. 49785
>>49760You smoked weed and have been hearing voices for a month since then, right? You probably have some kind of psychotic disorder. Non-synthetic weed couldn't cause that for so long without a serious underlying condition.
Weed is known to greatly speed up the onset of psychotic disorders like schizophrenia. Do you have any symptoms other than voices? Paranoia, delusions? Newfound belief in conspiracy theories?
No. 49795
>>49749I got fucked up from weed the one time I smoked. During the high I heard beeping noises that my ridiculously paranoid mind assumed was a heart rate monitor. I kept thinking my friends were whispering about me and it sounded evil. No voices after coming off but it took a good year or more to be fully assured I was out of that funk. It was a really odd time in my life. I had a lot of very bad moments/weeks where I honestly probably should have been in a mental facility but I knew I still had enough grip on myself to not self harm or hurt others so I dealt with it. I was obsessed with the idea that I might be becoming schizophrenic which sent me into panic attacks. I'm functional and just depressed now so all's good I guess.
Hopefully the other anon can get some help. It's a fucking awful feeling waking up with a jolt of fear, having to live through an entire day of paranoia, only to face the absolutely dreadful task of trying to sleep, and the cycle repeats. I can't really say much of anything really helped significantly, but I did take every opportunity possible to go outside and connect. When I was home I constantly had a twitch stream going because I was pants shittingly terrified of being alone.
No. 49925
I had my first cigarette this evening at an end of finals gathering with some friends I made this semester.
Good news! I didn't choke with my first inhale of it and took to it like a pro. I also had my first piece of nicotine gum? idk. A professor was there (he's not one I had in class but one that I have become aquatinted with this semester) and he gave me one. According to others it was wasted on me :P
Bad news is that I like these friends but am graduating Saturday (spoilers I am
>>49676.) and I wish I had met them sooner :/ and they're sad I'm graduating this semester as well. Like, them and another group were kind of hoping I'd fail a class or something so I'd be at the university a little longer.
I don't even think I'm that great of a person, but I can apparently attract people. It's so frustrating because my uni doesn't offer a graduate program in my degree… but I'm also not really ready to venture off into the real world yet.
No. 49938
>>49925You're going to catch lung cancer.
http://whyquit.com/whyquit/LinksAAddiction.html
>inb4 It's just oneWhere the fuck do you think the other addicts start as? Do you think chain-smokers are just born with fags in their mouths? smh.
No. 49941
File: 1449833871914.jpg (430.93 KB, 707x1234, butthenicry.jpg)
The last couple of months I've been in an art slump and haven't really drawn anything, but in the last week I've had a spike in productivity. I was so happy because I could finally produce things again, but…
But every time I post anything to my art blog it ends up getting like… 2 notes at most. I'm also losing followers rapidly.
I'm considering just deleting my blog at this point.
No. 49942
>>49925What no one tells you about cigarettes is that they quickly start to feel great. Really great. That's why it's so easy to get addicted.
And once you're addicted, it's
really hard to quit.
No. 49952
>>49945OP of the cig post and it literally just one. I don't understand the freak out, either. I tried it, I'm good. Just something to mark off on the list of life that I tried.
Neither one of my parents smoke so it's not a habit I'm planning on picking up. I also can't stand the lingering smell and after effects of it.
No. 49955
>>49941Hang in there! Don't worry about feedback, try your best, watch tutorials and work on your skillset! You can do it <3
It's like a rock you bring uphill, progression is slow and tedious but giving this to yourself is worth it. I work as a freelancer/artist and even tho I finally got some good feedback going on I still have to work part time. Art isn't easy and it's frustrating, makes you feel vulnerable when you pour your heart into it and get shit nothing, but perseverance and patience won't ever let you down : )
Lez do art anon <3
No. 50049
I was sexually assaulted by someone I considered a friend last year. I dont remember how it happened, just that he pushed me down and I found myself looking at the sky, at the grass… It would have turned into full on rape if he didn't cum while putting the condom on (ewww…) He cried right after he came to his senses. He even said himself "I took advantage of you." I just wanted him to stop crying and said some bullshit about how I loved the attention. I didn't want to acknowledge what had happened. Then he gave me 20 dollars.
I wad always around eggshells around him because I was afraid he would kill himself, as another friend killed himself a month before, and this friend was always using me as emergency psych help. I didn't tell anyone at the time because I didn't want to acknowledge what had happened. The only person who knows is my boyfriend.
I hate that we had consensual sex a month later, which I initiated. It wasn't even good. The only part I liked was the dream I had when I was asleep, where child versions of us were hanging out at a barn. During this encounter, I conflated him with my high school BFF. He heavily implied he was single, only for me to find out he wasn't because I heard him whine to his dad the next morning that his gf blocked him for not answering the phone the night before (a common occurance, apparently). It was only after this time I could be mean to him and tell him what was truly on my mind.
More memories resurfaced this week. One was of him trying to get me into isolated public spaces (which he admitted was to try to have sex with me in public) and another of him trying to get me to fuck publicly fuck him in his car in broad daylight, even though I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea.
I finally blocked him on social media this week. I dont know why I took so long, but I'm glad I did. It hurt to see his constant meme shit and pictures with his new girlfriend, who I'm guessing he sees as an actual person and not a fuckdoll.
I thought we were real friends, but in retrospect there were a lot of red flags. The biggest one was a a "tribute" to me of that stupid "do it for her meme" filled in with my nudes. It creeped me the fuck out when I saw that, but I played nice because I knew he would launch into full Internet argument mode about how it wasn't creepy. I wish I could confront him one last time, but he is the type to twist things around and make it about his pain and discomfort, rather than the topic at hand. He would bring up things I said in the past while disregarding what I was trying to say. It wouldn't be worth it.
What I learned? Don't even be nice to Libertarian neckbeards. Even if they're cute (physically attractive neckbeards are even more neurotic, I've learned), and you have fun talking about the same dumb nerd shit, you just really don't want to get involved. Don't be stupid like me.
No. 50073
>>50049Stop blaming yourself. Someone who bullshat you while you were a genuine person does not mean it was your fault/you lacked the insight to see what an asshole he was. I have gone through something similar with an ex male best friend. They are sick, pretending to be your friend but trying to lead you to bed.
Fuck that little bitch. At least you are here now and awake. Dont take your insight for granted. Some lessons are learned hard, but it's not your fault, you trusted him and he took advantage of that.
No. 50084
>>50049Damn anon, that's rough. Please stol blaming yourself, even though
>>50078 raises a good point.
No. 50206
>>50073Thank you anon. When I first read this reply I almost cried. You're right, fuck that guy! He was perfectly capable of controlling himself.
>>50078>>50084It's kind of hard to explain, but it's kind of like how
>>50086 said. I was already an unstable NEET, and then my friend died and another one fucked off to another country. I felt like this guy was one of the close friends I had left, so I didn't want to make him mad. When I think about it, his gf was abusive–called him constantly to check up on him, threatened to break up with him all the time, cheated on him repeatedly (leaving me to deal with the aftermath). He wanted a situation where the power was reversed, so…
It's a vicious cycle. I'm glad I'm in a much better situation now. It's scary how people can feign kindness in order to fuck you over.
No. 50223
>>50206Dude, this is nowhere to explain yourself. I get you because I went through something similar.
They always want everyone to feel bad for them when they themselves are huge assholes. Either way, you made it out of the rabbit hole. Let him fester.
No. 50281
Hey fam.
I don't really know what to do right now. It's
>>43861. I went and started going to my school counselor because that situation put me in a really bad place. It's been going alright.
Right now, I'm feeling really calm. Or rather, I feel really void of any emotion I had left in me. I just tried to commit suicide 20 minutes ago. I'm too chicken shit to go through with it, of course. He's definitely going out with that girl. I don't know how to feel.
I can't really feel anything right now.
I wonder if I tell my counselor that I attempted, if they'll hospitalize me? That'd be really troublesome and even more financially burdening though. When I was in highschool in the US, my counselor called my parents. I wonder what Japan's laws are. I'll be picking up antidepressants soon, don't know if they'll work though.
I'm not tired, but I'm scared to go to sleep. I guess I'll wake up alright, but I'm scared of my emotions all flooding back and keeping me awake. I feel like I'm back to square one.
Anyway, I'll figure out something. Have a nice day fam, I love you guys.
No. 50449
>>50281Anon the void of emotion is actually the last stage of severe depression that people experience prior to attempting suicide.
It is not a good thing. The flood of emotion is a good thing, it's the thing that will keep you alive.
Please call the hospital, friends, family, anybody x
No. 50623
>>50447>>50449Thank you. I still can't really feel anything. I facetimed one of my close friends from home. A lot of my friends are messaging me out of concern but I still feel so blank and fucked up because I can't bring myself to care that they're worried. I can't say anything but "thanks for your concern". It fucks me up because a lot of the things that really kept me going and realizing that suicide and depression is something that I can get through, don't really make me feel the same way I used to. Right now it's just "yeah i guess" and "whatever". I feel like a shell. I ended up self harming for the first time out of sheer panic with a broken keychain and it left red marks but it just looks like I scratched myself too hard. I ended up buying an exacto knife. I'm at a loss for what to really do.
>>50562I actually don't know what meds I'll be prescribed… My school counselor told me that I have to go to another doctor (that works at a private clinic), and she wrote a recommendation for me, but I was honestly feeling okay so I put off going. I'll be going tomorrow after class. Hah… they only speak Japanese too and mine is really shoddy so I have to somehow make this work and convince him I really need those meds…
No. 51026
>>51007He also feels threatened by women his age and prefers people who are younger or have a younger mentality. He tends to like those who are immature, rude, has no romantic interest in him. Trying to look out for a friend of mine. What could this all mean?
This girl could've been the one girl who wouldn't abuse him and he doesn't want her for some reason. He kept trying to crawl back to his abusive ex
No. 51280
>>50562I'm back and I was prescribed 20 mg of Cymbalta for two weeks (the doctor gave me either a choice of one week or two weeks- is this normal? I always thought taking antidepressants could go on for months… regardless I don't want to stay on them for too long so w/e I guess). Talking with that therapist was a bit difficult because of the language barrier but I somehow made it through…
I'm starting to feel a lot better regardless. I chatted the boy up (asking about his finals, school stuff etc) before I just straight up asked if the girl in his picture was his girlfriend. He just said 'nop' and immediately I can only think that he's just lying to me. Is it my paranoia? Is he really? Who knows! Regardless, I think my shift in mood is partly because I'm so relieved but I'm going to continue counseling anyway since it's apparent that I can lose my marbles in the span of like 0.00002 seconds and I need to work on not losing my shit so easily and having my mental state be so dependent on someone else aaahhh.
No. 51312
>>51280Hm that's odd. I've never been on cymbalta before, but generally I've been told to suck it up for 6 weeks before I can expect any results.
Good luck anon. Surround yourself with friends and push yourself to be social. I've been in your position earlier this year and it's very easy to stay home and spiral down further. Even on days when I was crying my eyes out 20 minutes before heading out the door it was still honestly worth it for me to make and stick with plans. Hell, if you're in Tokyo even take a trip down to Ueno park and just chill. I found it helpful just simply being surrounded by swarms of people as well in times when I couldn't meet with friends.
No. 51315
>>51312Ah man… I guess I'll ask my regular counselor about it when I see her. My mood shifts so easily out of nowhere without any
trigger and that's what worries me the most. Like, wow am I happy because these meds are working for me or is this just one of my long ass mood swings?
Thanks anon! I've been here for a few months and I still don't really go out (what a waste), but I'd really like to check out Ueno park lol. It was on my list of places to see last year but we ran out of time… OTL Most of all I want to get better so I really don't let this opportunity go to waste…
No. 51316
>>51315I wouldn't worry about what exactly is causing you to be happy. If it's placebo effect so be it, whatever's helping you at the moment is welcomed to get through this tough time. I just started Effexor again and logically I know it shouldn't work this quickly but I do feel better already.
Yep I've been in the same situation. I'm in moonland about half the year and sometimes I just get in these funks where I can't do shit. Boys are killer. As long as you have some extra cash to do so (and honestly it doesn't take more than 2000yen or so for a day), I really recommend just heading out on your own when plans with others aren't possible. My worst shut in moments involved boy issues + extreme lack of funds. Tokyo's pretty forgiving in that you don't feel out of place chilling out on your own. Ueno zoo is only 500 yen so sometimes I hang out there and draw and relax.
No. 51377
File: 1450117213964.jpg (566.78 KB, 732x1024, 1449607405106.jpg)
I'm so ill guys.
I had to skip my last lesson at uni today and return home to rest and I legit had to grapple to remain conscious the entire 30 min walk home.
I'm lying in bed shivering even though the radiator is blasting, my hands feel cold, every muscle in my body aches, I feel dizzy and my throat feels like it's been carved at with razor-blades.
Are these flu symptoms? I don't remember the last time I felt this awful :(
No. 51515
I feel like there aren't any words in the English language to describe how I feel, though 'severe depression' might come close. Ever since my brother tried to kill himself my head has been all fucked up, and I've felt at times like I've gone crazy, agitated, and I still feel like I'm losing the thread of things. I feel terrible. I have completely isolated myself and pushed away all of my friends, but I like to think that they all left me and hate me because it feels that way. I feel disgustingly guilty because my parents think things are going well and they're proud so I could never explain that they aren't. I've been terrible to my boyfriend, every time I visit him I just end up crying crying crying, being emotionally cold, or getting upset and hitting things or myself or pulling my hair out wailing and sometimes I wish he'd leave me and go and be happy with someone else but then I might lose my shit completely. He worries so much. I've been trying to get therapy but the assessment I went to went badly; they felt my problems were long term and complex and unable to be tackled with counselling or CBT. She recommended I find long term psychotherapy with someone who I can learn to trust. I'm already on NHS waiting lists and even though I completed the questionnaires when I was at my very lowest in August I still haven't heard anything back.
Trying to keep it together though I don't know why anymore, just for my mum and dad and brother, my boyfriend, I don't have any friends left to be keeping it together for. My legs are all bruised, I smoke so much there's constantly a permanent raw patch at the back of my throat, nightmares all night, headache all day, wishing I was dead but too guilty to do it, emotionally retarded, look in the mirror and see a monster, never hungry but I wish I was or else I'll ruin Christmas, haven't bought anyone a single gift or any cards. Usually, I love Christmas.
No. 51531
>>51518Yeah, I expanded considerably once I hit 21-22, even though I'm confident I wasn't eating that much more and was still just as active.
That shit about your metabolism slowing down once you leave your teens is so true.
These days if I want to maintain my figure it's 1-2 meals a day and only water for me :l
No. 51576
>>51571Why so hostile?
I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that this obsessiveness about weight is solely or even primarily to show off to other women. If it's for health I can understand that, but I doubt hardly any of you are at the point where your weight is actually unhealthy.
No. 51579
>>51576This is a thread for us to vent, not a thread for fuck heads to go "it's ok! You're hot!"
Ugh.
No. 51581
>>51579Oh, is this that thing where women don't want to hear solutions to their problems, they just want to talk about them for the sake of talking about them? Honestly I thought that was just a stereotype.
Carry on though.
No. 51583
File: 1450211492041.jpg (21.13 KB, 470x262, dada.jpg)
>>51576We're aggressive because you're informing women every where to compromise their health because you, a stranger and the guy that doesn't have to inhabit those bodies is saying "Hmmmmm neh beb thick thighs and asses dey r hawt ;)"
>>51581Fucking lol how is "I have a fat fetish" a solution to a problem? gtfo.
No. 51584
>>51583>compromise their healthExcept that's obviously not what I said you retard.
I explicitly said "there's a difference between thick and disgusting" so you wouldn't think I'm some "healthy at evry weight :3" tumblr idiot. Obviously if you're overweight to the point where it's unhealthy, you should lose weight. But a lot of women who obsess about their weight
aren't at that point, because a lot of women's image of the ideal female body is ridiculously skewed.
No. 51585
File: 1450212137405.jpg (74.43 KB, 430x764, gt.jpg)
>>51584Men like you're have a very fine line between what's "hmmm thick n' tasty thighs hmmm" and actually disgusting because you're fucking desperate to stick your honk in any available clunge.
Picture related is your idea of "a little extra".
Now leave.
No. 51586
>>51585Pic related is obviously gross and unhealthy.
Nice try though.
No. 51599
>>51597Desiring autonomy over your body is Tumblr talk? lol k
Imagine if women stormed into fitness forums and made posts declaring "ALL THEE MEN HERE, LISTEN TO I, I PREFETH THY NOT WIV EXPANDED LIGAMENTS AND BONE MEAT, HENCE FORTH THOUST SHALL CEASE IN THIS ACTIVITY LEST IT DISSATISFY MINETH OCULAR VIEWING ORBITALS".
I see men pulling this shit all the time, giving their opinion where it's unwanted, and I'm sick of it.
ROO ROO REE REE LEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE
No. 51603
>>51599If a woman did that, I'd thank her for letting me know I didn't have to waste time at the gym.
Most of what I do appearance-wise is for the sake of women.
No. 51696
>>51691No problem! If you want to chat more here's a throwaway. I've totally been there so if you need someone to listen feel free to go for it
And about the meds, most likely you'll be kept on. They're really dumb about prescribing large amounts at once but you should eventually get put on a month's supply. Alternatively since you seem to bounce back and forth there, if/when you go back to your home country try to stock up. Shipping most antidepressants through regular mail isn't an issue
No. 51830
Am I right to be annoyed about my therapist? I went to therapy mostly for social issues, though I definitely have other ones as well. But mostly right now, I want to work towards having a group of friends and people I can talk to/hang out with. Eventually I'd like a support system and people who care about me, but I want to take things one step at a time. I think my problems socializing in the past were having health issues, anxiety, and not knowing how.
Over the couple of months, I've tried to make some progress. I've been trying to hang out with people, ask people out to lunch, get a job, etc. Over the summer I was basically a shut in and didn't talk to anyone. Since it's winter break, I really want to hang out with people who are home and catch up with them. Next semester, I am going back to school, and I want to go back to joining clubs and also practicing meditation, which I think would be helpful.
My therapist doesn't seem to care about ANY of that. She wants me to talk about my parents instead. I know my relationship with my parents isn't great (who's is?) but I don't think they are so bad they preclude me from having basic friends. She is supportive of me having a job, but other than that she's never said anything positive or negative about everything else I've tried to do. She hasn't even said "Don't date, work on yourself blah blah blah." She doesn't even offer basic advice, like "Don't compare yourself to others."
When I asked my therapist if I've made any progress in the last couple of months, she said she had no idea. Really? idk, but it really bothers me that she doesn't think any of the attempts at socialization mean anything. I'm not even sure why she doesn't care. I think she considers them to be superficial, but she's never indicated there was anything wrong with me talking about my day to day life. If she thought it was so bad, I would have never spent so much of the precious time in our sessions doing so. Thank god I have insurance and that my copay is cheap.
Is it so bad I want to work on some practical things first before dealing with issues? There are tons of people who have bad pasts and are absolutely crazy that manage to have a group of friends, even if they are superficial. I know I blow up on people sometimes, but I swear, my problem right now is making friends, not keeping them.
No. 51836
>>51830I was going to say maybe she just had a particular style of working or her own reasons for her practice, and suggest you found a therapist more suited to you. Then I read the part about progress and it's a huge red flag! I really strongly suggest you find another therapist.
One thing almost all types of psychotherapies have in common and one important pre-requisite of any kind of therapeutic endeavour is the idea of quantifying progress in some way. In the UK I believe it might actually be mandatory (for BACP members at least) to have some kind of quantifiable system you're working with that can show empirically how much progress is being made, whether this is lists of goals, homework setting, or regularly completed inventories. Otherwise, what would be the point? The client has no idea where they're going, how, or if they're going anywhere at all. And, how is anybody supposed to be able to confirm the therapist is able to treat clients effectively if there's no records of anyone actually making positive gains with them?
No. 52341
>>51836I honestly can't think of anything she's suggested besides finding a job and going to a cafe (once). Oh, and today she agreed with my idea of going to the career office at school to schedule a practice interview. She's said I haven't worked towards making progress, but honestly I have no idea what she wants me to work towards in the first place. Like I said, she doesn't seem to care if I go out, meet people, or anything. Right now, I can't remember her EVER asking how I was feeling. The fact that I personally feel less lonley and have higher self-esteem doesn't seem to count for anything.
The whole deal with my parents is kind of BS. My therapist said that my parents claimed that their relationship with my sister was totally fine. I think my parents are not telling the truth, not because they are manipulative, but because they are very forgetful. My parents definitely have a lot problems with my sister, but I think a lot of their problems with me are because of my academic/health issues. I think I was pretty close with my mom in middle school and didn't have issues with her until later when I wanted to do my own thing and I wasn't living up to their academic standards. I think if I was more academically successful and living independently with few issues then a lot of my problems with my parents would go away.
And another reason my sister doesn't have as many issues with my parents is that they've mellowed out over the years. So when I was her age, I think they were a lot stricter. Blah blah blah…
For more information: I've never filled out an inventory and she's never told me at the end of the session to work on anything (besides going to a cafe once).
Honestly, I think I've decided I won't be going back to see her.
Anyways it is super late and I need to go to bed. Hope this all made sense.
No. 52520
File: 1450515273570.jpg (339.11 KB, 1920x1080, 1450017421144.jpg)
>>51830Actually, I think your therapist is working on you, but maybe not intentionally on her end. I can tell by the way you ordered your post that you are actually making progress, but acknowledging is sometimes really regressive for people. It tends to lead to people "treating" themselves or allowing themselves a break in whatever they are striving for. Essentially, no interactions you'll have with people on a daily basis will build the security or affirmation you're seeking. You're introverted, so it will always feel more strenuous for you to deal with even the ordinary complaints, buuuut, it is mentally and physically replenishing to participate in this.. You are probably right that meditation was helping you.
I am not a therapist, but I would seek to enjoy the stimulation of a social life, and not try to immerse yourself too hard in others problems. I think you'll find it easier and less stressful, and your friends will enjoy your intelligence without feeling pressured too.
>>52341Your parents are people too, and they may not be as you thought they were when you were younger. They do the best they think they can with the information they have, and that can be tough, but it's also not an excuse to be demotivating to your kids. I think they may just be concerned that someone will always have to look after you. Once you can maintain school and work at once, or just doing one well, they'll relent a lot. From their perspective, they may have given you all the tools they could to be "successful", or what that means to them, but they're frustrated because they don't know what else to do. It's pretty shitty to think you're disappointing your parents, but do not let feeling badly interfere with your life. The the biggest trick being anxious, anti-social, or depression can use to stop you is by making you feel like it's always too late. It's not. Every day you can make a choice and it can go 50/50. The same goes for everyone else.
Honestly, I don't think any therapist can help you beyond this point, it's a lifestyle really. Not saying it's that simple, but a least you have a better idea. You're seeking the acceptance and appreciation of someone who monetizes on you being in a bad state. They may not all be assholes but.
No. 52531
>>52341It does make sense anon in fact I think it helped me see this situation a tiny bit more clearly!
It would be good to go back and see her once more at least I think and have a serious conversation with her about what theoretical model she uses, how she's been recording your session together, what form her notes take, and if she does quantify your progress but without actively sharing it. I just find it very difficult believe she isn't at least making SOME KIND of notation herself in regards to the kind of progression you're making. It might be that she just doesn't want to verbally reassure you about what improvements you're making - I can say it does sound like you're confronting your social issues in a positive manner and doing very well :) She may be reticent to reassure you - I know most cognitive-behavioural and psychoanalytic therapist are not a big fan of having to do this! They believe it makes you unable to soothe and reassure yourself.
This kind of takes me to my next point. Going back to your earlier post about her not giving you advice, this is pretty standard in therapy. Most is non-directive and very open; I'd very rarely tell anyone "don't do this" or "you should do that". I would say "how does the thought of dating make you feel, right now?" or "do you compare yourself to others often? how does that make you feel? is it something you've done for a long time? tell me what you experience when you compare yourself to another" Therapy is about self-reflection, self-exploration and self-understanding, not about being given the answers. Nobody can give you those kind of concrete answers anyway.
It sounds like you do have some things about your family that you would like to talk about, so I think she's right in speaking to you about it often. But you are entitled to tell her you don't want to focus on this, or ask why she thinks its so important. Please notice I didn't really pursue the topic of your family, but you did - so perhaps reflect upon your therapy sessions and notice where you may steer the conversation towards your family! You might briefly mention family and she picks up on this and opens a dialogue about it, or perhaps family members were coming up in recurring themes or in regards to particular feelings so she felt a need to explore these areas with you as they are linked to social problems in the beginning.
In short; You have been making positive steps, working hard, and evidently have been making progress. Try to recognise this yourself - look back at your posts. You also seem quite able to discuss your feelings in a coherent manner which is good. I think you should continue to talk about your family because you seem somewhat preoccupied. I would urge you to have a conversation about the theoretical models she uses and what type of therapist she would classify herself as to help you understand her methods. If this is not a school of thought that suits you, find another.
I can't say now whether I think you should find another therapist or not, but it would be better to find another and continue with it than give up. She does sound a little cold at times and if she does not chart any progress then I would definitely find another one. If you can have a discussion though this could be very helpful and might make you want to carry on. Therapy is rarely what people expect it to be, but it's an incredibly worthwhile journey.
>>52341 No. 52552
File: 1450541852774.png (184.42 KB, 500x272, bestmatsu.png)
Where to begin with? Grab a drink and some analgesics, this is going to hurt.
Since I was a tot that I have this sort of low opinion on myself, I feel useless, stupid and incompetent. My mother is a workaholic who had a kid being too old and as soon as she could get rid of me and go to work again she did so and left me with my grandma to raise me. My dad was a graphic designer, severely depressed because in the 90's my grandma hated him to the point he just got home to sleep because shit was awkward around the house. I was just 3 when I realized this. All my life my grandma told me that my dad was useless and didn't care about me, also there's was a time when she tried to convince my mom that he secretly molested me (he is a very affectionate man, and my grandma, being old fashioned, disliked that he was so fond of me and suspected of every hug he gave me)
Things got uncomfortable for years to come after that. My dad wanted to leave, my mom was okay with it and I was left alone in the middle of it all. Years later my dad would tell me that I was the reason that he decided to marry my mom and endure all that hatred. That made me feel miserable.
I was 4 when I got enrolled on a private kindergarten. I didn't know how to write at age 4 and my teachers said I was slow and dumb on a daily basis, that I wasn't like other kids, but my mom had paid the whole year already so…
My classmates made fun of me and I didn't have any friends, the teacher scary. My only joy in the day was going back home with my grandma.
Years went through the same, I became emotionally unstable, I cried about everything and often I suffered hysteric episodes because of the bullying and the fact that I felt unable to trust anyone, even adults.
I came back home bruised every day, I changed schools twice, the story repeated, each time worse than before. My mom started telling me it was my fault boys wanted to kick me around and that I was spineless no matter where I go, my dad just told me to fight back which just worsened the situation. My grades were awful, my teachers always looked disappointed of me and my parents often grounded me because of them. At some point they though I was autist or that I had an attention deficit but it really never got confirmed. I felt stupid. My parents were at the edge of divorcing again like twice on those years. I felt alone. Those were my 8 years of elementary-high school. Suddenly my parents became a little more caring after that, my mom got fired and started to work-hunting, in the meantime she tried to spend more time with me but I just could not trust her or my dad again and I was mean.
Year 9 and next year went smoothly, except I was just plain dumb and I never learned anything in those 4 years. I adopted this airhead persona to cope and try to get friends, and I got to make some friends but I never got attached to them because I often was mean with them unintentionally. My grades were awful. And my teacher hammered on me that I had no future. My parents also said it pretty often.
I must say, I didn't even tried my last year, I barely passed and that's it, I tried applying to uni but my percentage was too low. I just wanted to die, but I was too much of a lazy ass to do anything and I always felt guilty so I just cried the pain away.
I came out of school 3 years ago, I got some therapy because my inactivity was killing me, I got diagnosed as dysthymic and to this day, I take medication to no avail. Both my parents have full-time jobs now and I have to take care of the house and my grandma as a repay for raising me, but I'm alone most of the time. I try to talk to them about what I feel but they just kind of ignore it and say that I'm overreacting. I live and uneventful peaceful life and it feels wrong and I'm the only one to blame because I'm weak willed and I have no aspiration.
I got a bad breakdown a month ago because I though I was 19 when in fact, i already have 20… I don't know how that even happened, it all happened so fast and I've wasted my youth.
I wasn't even supposed to be alive at 20, yet here I am. I was supposed to kill myself before 20 and I didn't. I feel terrible, I've lost so much weight and my skin literally hangs everywhere because I used to be fat in my teens.
I'm so self-centered, selfish and dumb. I started to cut myself and picking my skin to fill the hollow feeling in my gut but that only ended leaving ugly scars all over.
I want to sleep all day because I feel so tired, every night I have weird dreams mixed with nightmares and sometimes I wake up discovering I just opened my old cuts with my nails.
I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't' have friends irl, people think I'm cold and self-important. I feel embarrassed to show my face around my neighborhood. In all these years the only thing I accomplished was teaching myself English, and still, I think I suck pretty badly. I have tried to get a work related to that, but they say my presence feels off to work for the public and without a certificate or a diploma I can't aspire too high either. is not like I feel like I deserve such an opportunity either.
I don't know what else to do, maybe the only joy in my life right now is laughing at other people's misery here at the chans and lolcow and watching shit anime or playing video games. But as of late, the feeling stopped and it kind of became routine. I'm seriously planning on killing myself next year if I don't get my shit put together then. I feel like a whiny little bitch for that but I think is for the better, I don't want to leech on my parents anymore, and getting up in the morning is tedious and pointless.
And that's my sob story I guess, I'm bitter and I can't stand happy people sometimes, I've never been on a relationship, not that I want one anyway I could just mess it up, and some time ago I figured out that I really really like women, I don't have anyone to talk about this stuff, sorry about occupying so much space, i'm ashamed. And thanks for reading.
No. 52608
Thanks for the responses!
>>52520I understand definitely why my parents are frustrated in me. I just don't think it's the cause of my social issues like my therapist believes.
>You're introverted, so it will always feel more strenuous for you to deal with even the ordinary complaints, buuuut, it is mentally and physically replenishing to participate in this.. I actually wouldn't say I'm introverted! I love working my retail job because I love talking to my coworkers and working with customers. I think my social issues are from anxiety and health problems.
>>52531I do think I will seek a therapist, but not this one. I am going back to school next semester, and my school provides free counseling. I think the transportation problems are too much.
>In short; You have been making positive steps, working hard, and evidently have been making progress.
I can't say for sure how hard I've been working, but my therapist says I haven't been working at all. idk, I guess my therapist doesn't think the practical stuff I've been doing means much.
No. 53566
>>53557I hope so too, Anon.
Have you tried relaxation exercises?
Like yoga and things like that?
I also suffer plenty of bad anxiety attacks and usually, that makes me feel better and a little bit more centered. Also, here, have some nice music from my favorite musician.
Don't give up Anon now, keep looking for help and peace of mind, things may look bad now but you can change that if you keep pushing.
No. 53577
>>53557I had awful paranoia for a few months last year after some issues with medication. It's really horrible waking up with that jolt of anxiety, having to suffer through a full day, then trying to relax enough to sleep.
I took every opportunity I could to go out and be with other people. When I was home I constantly left a twitch stream on because it helped me feel more connected watching a live stream. Try to keep yourself busy. I started crocheting and knitting while watching streams. Reading is also a pretty easy task if you can't muster up the energy to focus on more involved hobbies.
Stay strong anon!
No. 54340
File: 1451028634416.jpg (3.55 KB, 234x216, I_know_that_feel_bro.jpg)
>>54324I'm probably just drunk. But I feel for you. Merry Christmas. I stayed up till 3am baking, and then woke up late today. I'm sorry your stressed af. But Remember that no one is putting a magnifying glass on you. Most people can care Less what you do bc they are all focused on themselves. So be glad for that at the very least.
No. 54432
File: 1451150334871.jpg (34.95 KB, 500x408, 1450013818517.jpg)
I'm exhausted. I'm just so fucking sick and tired of having to deal with my dad and his temper. You can't say anything because he will get upset and you always need to apologize even though he is in the wrong. He is verbally abusive toward my mom and I can't stand it. I understand that he's stressed out at work but Jesus christ why do you always take it out on us. I'm really getting sick and tired of it. It feels like no one else has to deal with this shit because their parents got divorced years ago. I'm so tired of this. I want a normal dad.
Also he's addicted to porn which I find digusting. I also have a suspicion that he has/is cheating on my mom. Just get a divorce you faggot. Just recently he got upset with me for no reason and threatened to kill himself. Part of me really wish he would.
No. 54433
>>54278dropping 200mg of tramadol is basically asking for feeling like shit. do your research before complaining about being unable to enjoy substances. 50mg would have sufficed. are you the same anon that downed 60mg of codeine and then complained about feeling drowsy? because that’s stupid too.
for recreational use of opiates, especially tramadol, people slowly build a tolerance over a couple of days until they are able to consume 150-300mg (depending on height, weight and gender) without negative side effects. or they are opiate addicts who have a tolerance anyway.
a reasonable initial dosage would have been 30mg, especially, if you are a sensitive and petite girl.
how much mdma did you take?
sounds like you're rather sensitive so you should take small dosages in order to be able to enjoy the effects.
No. 54444
>>54433Anon I don't think you read my post properly.
I chucked 200mg of Tramadol down my throat because I have an infection in a severely impacted wisdom tooth and am in agony every hour of the day for the last 5 days now, not because I want to get off my tits for recreational purposes.
No. 54446
>>54444no, I got you. even if you're in pain 200 mg is too much initially. start with 50 mg, if you still feel pain after an hour either add another 50 mg or combine it with paracetamol. 200mg is too much for any purpose.
I just explained the part with the recreational use because you said you're unable to understand how people can enjoy it.
No. 54499
File: 1451211117853.gif (103.29 KB, 665x623, 1448479591778.gif)
>>54447Thanks anon. Im gonna vent some more lol. I think I'm pretty limited to what I can do to level myself with him. Im just sort of frustrated at this point. One minute he's fine and the next he's explosive as fuck. Lucky for me he has never hit me or my mom but he has sure come close. Its so scary because I literally can't do anything because he is our life line. My mom gave up her life to move to America and raise 3 kids and we have no real income except for him since she doesn't have her license anymore.
Props to you for saving your mom. I always say I'm gonna save her and get her back home to the UK but the future is looking darker and darker with each day. Right now he wants his mother to come live with him. I just smell a shit storm coming and I don't want me or my mom to be around when it comes. I don't hate my grandma or anything but there's such a culture difference between us. My dad side is from a middle eastern country so you can imagine the clash. I just can't wait for winter break to end so I can go back to college and be away from him.
>>54476O lawd I wish I could move as far away as you. I think once I graduate college that's exactly what I'm going to do.
No. 54512
>>54502Anon I'm an ex-fat, and I need to be straight with you, from now you're probably going to get demoralised a bunch of times and give up and get back on the wagon again and then give up.
It'll take a while, this isn't just an alteration of your eating habits, you have to change your entire life and that includes your activity levels.
Your life is always going to be shit so long as you stay fat. Mine was, but I made that long change and for the first time in years I'm going out in the clothes I want to wear and not whatever covers me up best, I feel pretty, I'm physically fit, I'm physically attractive again it's amazing.
How bad do you want it?
No. 54513
>>54512I want it really bad. I'm sick of being the ugly one in my friends groups, I'm sick of feeling ugly walking into any clothing store and being one of those generic 'jealous fatties'. I don't wanna feel like I don't belong in a room of beautiful people cause I'm dirtying it by being there. I'm sick of feeling so tired and bitter all the time. I just really wanna be happy.
Thanks for the words of wisdom, anon. I've browsed a few sites and I've downloaded MyFitnessPal so I can start counting calories properly. I work pretty close to home too so in the morning I'll start bicycling or something.
No. 54516
>>54513I want to give you some advice on what it was that helped me to make it, but a lot of it will end up sounding pretty dumb and basic.
I've personally always had very disordered eating so for me it's always either been starving myself skeletal or gorging myself like a hog. I've been both anorexic and within the obese class II category, but earlier this year I was finally able to find a balance.
What really helped me initially was not going cold turkey. That thing about taking it slow being the key to success? So true. You can't expect to just throw yourself into a 100 calorie deficit with cardio every night and expect to succeed because you end up crashing so, so fast. I did. Hard. Actually put myself in hospital lel.
I don't know about your own dietary habits but something that REALLY helped me was switching to vegetarianism. All those problems I had with gorging myself on pastries and sandwiches and lasagne and shit instantaneously disappeared because all of a sudden I couldn't eat them (well the meat-based ones), I wasn't allowed. It forced me into making healthier options whenever I dropped past my local store for a snack. Whenever I would usually go in there to grab a pastry I was now coming about with grapes and blueberries and peppers and shit, and the funny thing about vegetarianism and lifestyle switching in general is that the less you eat meat, the less you begin to crave it, and after a while it doesn't interest you at all. The more you begin to eat the vegetables the more you begin craving them and soon it stops being something you have to consciously incorporate into your lifestyle, you buy the fruit and vegetables because you actually really do want to eat them
The first 3 weeks are hard though, you'll be craving junk food like never before, but once you get past that it becomes so easy you'll honestly look back with disgust and ask yourself "fuck, did I really eat like that every single day? How did I do it?"
I normally despise exercising outside with a passion, and public gyms do and always will make me feel awkward, so I got myself into doing callisthenics and I purchased some 7.5kg barbells that I use in my room.
If you're fat just moving your body around as it is is going to be like doing weighted exercises as it is, but definitely focus on cardio initially. Even things like star jumps, jogging on the spot etc., 20 mins a night, it really does help. What did it for me was I got into high intensity dancing in my room, at least an hour a night until I got so sweaty and hot and had to open a window, and I combine things OHP, curls, squats, donkey kicks, situps, push-ups, and legups after.
I saw my boyfriend for the first time in months last week back since I'm away at university and he couldn't believe how much I'd physically changed, that I had a defined waist again and a nice, round ass once more.
NSFW but the sex has honestly been the best part of my transformation… no more trying to hide my stomach or desperately trying to pull the covers over myself, tentatively requesting that he turn out the lights before we do it and seeing the disappointment in his face even though he's trying so hard to respect your feelings… if you have a partner you'll understand how shameful and embarrassing this stuff is. I'm actually lying on the bed regularly now reading books completely naked save for my underwear, walking around the bedroom in just my underwear, oh my GOD it feels AMAZING. GURL DO YOU KNOW NICE IT IS TO LIE ON THE BED NUDE WITH YOUR TITS IN THE OPEN AIR O LAWD.
Sorry for the tl;dr but I was hoping some of my words might help it clinch it for you. I went through over a dozen setbacks before something suddenly clicked into place for me and I really went for it.
Remaining disciplined is the most difficult part, but I want to remind you too that in the beginning even when the scales say you've lost weight, for some reason it doesn't show immediately, it can take up to 3 weeks for it to become visible. In the beginning this happened to me and I experienced a lot of thoughts of "well I've worked so hard and I've lost weight already but everything still looks the same, what's the point? Nothing has changed, I may as well give up", but then on a whim 3 weeks later I noticed my jeans had become baggy on me so I went into my wardrobe and pulled out a pair in a smaller size I'd bought about a month ago, pulled them on and they actually fit, and within room to spare in the waist! When I first bought them I couldn't even close the zip!
No. 54518
>>54516Dif anon, but everything you said is true. Well I can't say much for the BF stuff, because I'm a loser, but I'm going through something similar and my progress has been slow as fuck, but I've managed to maintain my weight loss pretty well.
For me it was reaching about 207 lbs that did it for me to stop making excuses and actively start takin care of my body better. At first I mostly just used my fitness pal to see what my nutritional content was like and all in all it wasn't bad, just heavy in carbs. I'm not vegetarian but I live with my parents who are, so meat at home isn't a common thing as result. I started first with portion control first as well experimented with breakfast foods, finding that if I had a high protein meal in the morning I was genrally set until lunch, and kept my meals on the smaller side.
Desk jobs made me fat so I now avoid them, even if my mother thinks I'm setting myself low working retail. I'm on my feet, and the past few was doing a lot of heavy lifting and movement so I lost about 10 lbs in a month and a half, and have kept it off. Once the new year starts I'm going to introduce more workouts into my routine again because they did help early on, I just got lazy and complacent with the plateau I had hit with dieting. You will hit minor plateaus in my experience but working through them is the only way foward.
Also I don't deny myself anything… I recognize why my body is craving a thing and eat it knowing why I need it. When I was doing heavy lifting at work I'd come home and my body wanted carbs like crazy so I'd eat them, carefully. My body was asking for energy because I was doing more movement then normal. I gave it the energy and I didn't gain weight. Everyone is different but using something like mfp is helpful for figuring out your habits. I don't use it now, but it helped me starting out. I still have a long way to go to get to my goal weight but I know that it is possible now.
No. 54522
>>54518It was reaching 225lbs that did it for me, and so far I'm down to 166lbs. I'm still fat, but at 5'7" and because I've built a considerable amount of muscle look pretty held together. I'm extremely pleased.
Something that really helped me out, like you stated, was allowing myself to eat what I wanted when I wanted.
Maintaining a healthy weight is all about balance right? You can have that chocolate cake now if you really, REALLY want it, it's fine, but it does mean potentially sacrificing dinner later. This is how I learnt to discipline myself.
What I do to keep myself sane is every 1-2 weeks, on a Sunday, I eat nothing for most of the day and then around 18:00/19:00 I'll order myself a big 10" vegetarian pizza with stuffed crust all to myself. I look forward to pizza Sundays all week round and it makes me work even harder knowing that if I put in the work now in burning off soon-to-be pizza calories I'll be able to relax later.
No. 54547
>>54522Congrats anon! I'm at 175 right now which isn't the lowest I've been in the past month, but it's what's been consistent. I'm rather short at 5"3 and some change so I have a good 40 lbs to go before I'm anywhere near healthy. I think I'm just lucky that I'm pear shaped and that fat doesn't show on my face first. I'm hoping to lose at least another 20 lbs in 2016, since having realistic goals is also something to keep in mind. 1lbs a week isn't bad, but about 52 lbs in a year feels like a lot to me.
I've never been good at doing reward days or cheat days, so I just go back to managing portion control. Do I want to eat an entire chocolate cake? Yes. Well I be satisfied with just a slice and some coffee? Also yes. I'm also a bit of stress eater, so I keep mindful of that as well.
No. 54581
File: 1451262346584.jpg (11.38 KB, 320x320, 11377500_1446917172295027_5174…)
God I've posted here like 3 times already. But shit keeps happening with me and my dad. I'm ready to give up at this point. He wants me to move to a different college and take away my only freedom because he feels like every time I get upset with him is because I don't respect him. No asshole. I get upset because you are an asshole. You are the sole reason I'm miserable right now. I can't be around you because you are the one who keeps bringing up shit and getting angry. He just took men on a car ride and I seriously wanted to jump out the fucking car. Now he's shoe shopping for me and basically acting like nothing has happened. You can't buy me ho. Fuck off. I'm so ready to go home.
No. 54586
>>54516Even if it might be dumb and basic, it still really helps a lot to hear it, especially because it's a personal experience someone else has been through and it's not some dumb campaign to try and get money.
I've actually tried switching to an all-vegetarian diet a few times, I think the longest I lasted was 6 months, but I always caved in when my mum bought salami! I've been thinking of popping back on an all vegetarian diet again just because I had some recently over Christmas and I found it just kinda weirdly tasteless yet a salty fatty mess. I honestly really didn't like it so hopefully I can do a little better!
It's really nice to know that at-home exercise can help as well. My brother teases me a lot for using the WiiFit but I figure so long as I get my heartrate up how bad can it be? And I adore dancing so that's a lovely idea!
I don't have a boyfriend but I definitely know the feeling of wanting to cover up and hiding your body during sex. It's horrible. Especially because your partner obviously loves you for who you are but you just.. feel too fat and disgusting for them. Looking at myself, I can't see why anyone would want to have sex with me. The only time I happily walked around with only panties on was just after I lost my virginity.. Since then I've always kept a shirt on to try and hide my chub. It's embarrassing.
And thank you so much for the post! It's been actually extremely motivating, especially waking up to read it on a new day.
>>54518That's scary about the desk job weight gain, I've been looking at desk jobs cause I've only ever done retail! Thanks for letting me know.
Google says I'm about 170 pounds, and I'm roughly 5'4. I wear it really, really badly.
And congratulations to both (all?) of you guys on the weight loss!
No. 54629
>>54627I have some experience with this.
Your cat is telling you they are stressed. It's not about the toilet but always about that stress.
When a cat pees, even in a litterbox, it's territorial. So, combine the territorial with the stress = peeing where they shouldn't. The idea you have about the dog is probably it.
I recently had a neighbour cat pee on my hallway carpet. I had run out of my old bottle and got Urine Off instead. It is way way stronger. If you can properly treat the dog's urine spot as a priority it would tell you if you're on the right track. This means soaking the carpet, putting plastic over the soaked area, and leaving overnight.
You can try putting a nice fresh litter tray in the dining room too. That cat whisperer guy has a good video on cat litter issues (youtube) and he suggests different shapes and sizes and litter types.
Good luck - sounds terrible!
No. 54631
>>54629I had run out of my old bottle
(of Nature's Miracle)
and got Urine Off instead
No. 54633
Man I feel disgusting, the worst. This whole month I have been struggling with b/p, something that I promised myself to never do again, and everything was just fine a year ago, but suddenly since I graduated from highschool it's like all my eating disorders have been taking over my mind, my life. I eat until it hurts to breathe, and then walk across the bathroom while screaming and crying fighting with the impulse to put my fingers in my mouth. "I don't need this, tomorrow is going to be different, don't destroy your health anymore" that's what I say to myself over and over again while holding my stomach. But I know, I know that tomorrow it's gonna be the same, as long as I keep seeing food in this house which I'm not used to. Fucking hate christmas.
No. 54709
>>54645I understand. Thanks anyway, It puts me at ease knowing that I'm not being ignored.
Sorry if I sounded obnoxious, even when I'm on-topic I feel inadequate and awkward like, no matter what I say I'm wrong and I should feel ashamed.
No. 54769
>>54709Different anon but I read it as well. You mentioned you taught yourself English. As a fellow person who's been friendless, this is an excellent opportunity for you if you'd like to try making friends. A second language is also how I made all of the friends I have now. I'm also too much of a weirdo for a proper job and absolutely can't pass interviews, so I work online, but don't let that make you think you're incapable of making friends.
There's tons of websites and apps for language exchange and it's really low pressure since you can take your time to write responses, or straight up ignore the person if you need to bail out. I've met pretty much all of the people I talk to in person and am quite social now, which is amazing considering I honestly have no idea how to make friends in my own country normally.
Just a suggestion. I hit rock bottom but realized I wasn't going to kill myself, and simply willing myself into nonexistence wouldn't work, so I thought I better do something. Having a few buddies to text back and forth every day was a really nice slow transition to becoming social again.
No. 54959
File: 1451485428493.jpg (600.78 KB, 835x1161, disgusted.jpg)
>Talking to stepdaughter about school.
>She's telling me about how they just screwed around the week before winter break and how fun it was.
>Then she remembers something stupid that happened.
>They were watching Inside Out in one of the classes and then this girl decides Riley must be bisexual or nonbinary and announces it in the middle of the movie.
>Everyone looks at her waiting for an explanation.
>Says it's because her "headmates" are male and female.
>Hfw recounting this story to me.
>Mfw hearing the story.
No. 54961
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>>54959Oh my God, how old is your step daughter? I fucking hate that this faggotry is leaking into the real world.
No. 54970
File: 1451493775212.gif (4.19 MB, 320x240, 1449969275923.gif)
Alright, here's my vent:
I can't explain why am so fucking scared to get a job. The thought of job interviews makes me cry, I tried working a few different jobs and I cried when thinking about going there,I cried on the toilet at work and I cried when I left to go home.
I once started crying in a job interview, how embarrassing.
I don't understand what's wrong with me. I am 21 years old and I can't get a job!
My dad is really really angry with me, every time we meet he tells me how disappointed he is, how he will not help me if I don't make it in life and all that.
I'm studying Art History but the last time I went to uni was probably 3 months ago.
I'm only studying it so I can show my dad I am doing something with my life (until I find something I actually want to do), but he is not satisfied and tells me I'll never have success.
We used to live in a flat, but he moved to his new girlfriend and now they're living in a house together with her daughters and their new dog and I am so fucking jealous. I love my dad so much, we've been through many things but I feel like he is really ashamed for me and I am so sorry for that but I can't help it, I just wish I knew what was wrong so I could finally get a fucking job! Why is it so hard? Why am I so lazy? Why am I so scared?
I don't live alone btw, he left me in the flat, and his friends' son moved in with me. The child support money I get is the rent I pay my dad. My only income is money I get because my mother died years ago, I live off of 180$ a month and I really need a fucking job WHAT THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM?!
I'm so sorry for sounding dumb as fuck but this is driving me nuts, I've considered killing myself many times, since I don't have any use and my dad doesn't seem to care about me anymore.
No. 54983
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>>54970Your dad sounds like a piece of shit honestly. It sucks your mother died. it really does. And what's even worse, is that he has another family. I honestly don't understand why men do this so often. He thinks allowing you to live in the flat is parenting, but he's abandoning the core parts of you growing into adulthood. You're 21, so yes, you're an adult, but i havent met a 21 year old who doesn't still need some parenting advice, especially when it comes to jobs and housing, etc.
I would recommend trying to work on your anxiety. Getting a new job and dealing with job hunting is always tough, but we all have to do it. Also, just hang in there. Don't kill yourself. you're worth more than that.
No. 54984
>>54970Holy fuck someone gets it. I'm so scared to get a job too. I'd rather kill myself than go through a job interview. The only thing I'm considering now is fucking around on the stock market online. Also similar to your uni thing, I can't be fucked going to school, don't even want to, the only reason I sporadically go is to show my parents I'm doing "something".
I don't have any advice for you but just know you're not the only workshy person here ;_; you're not alone
No. 54999
File: 1451507522444.png (41.32 KB, 120x162, Screen Shot 2015-12-04 at 22.0…)
I got a new haircut recently and I'm really happy with how it turned out, considering it's such a big change of pace for me, but the only thing I'm unhappy about right now with my physical appearance is my flabby pre-double chin. It's like a pre-Suzy slight chub going on
Any weight loss tips, anons? For reference I'm about 5f9 and 163 pounds
No. 55000
File: 1451507634645.png (43 KB, 168x178, Screen Shot 2015-12-12 at 11.4…)
get
No. 55048
>>54767Happy holidays to you too. I doubt if you even aknowledge the existence of my country, Colombia, but hey, thanks for everything anon. Your advice and support makes me want to get out of this shit.
Lately I have been eating like a normal human being, but not like I normally do. I feel so full after eating a small amount of food, idk if it's because I haven't completely digest the food or something else, since all my digestive system is fucked up, especially my colon, and in these cases, I shamefully find relief at throwing up.
Today I went to buy a dress, and had a mental breakdown at the fitting room for obvious reasons.
Have been thinking about fasting for a couple of days to clear out my digestive system (and lose weight), but again, I don't want to keep doing this, I'm definitely going to break this sick cycle. I'm tired already.
>I'm really nervous about tomorrow, there is gonna be a lot of food in front of me, and if I overeat I'm going to feel awful with myself, and if I don't, my family is going to make comments and make me feel ashamed, again. so yeah, there is no escape fuck No. 55219
>>54999Weight loss tips:
Eat less
Move more
It's…not hard. And there are several weight loss threads on lolcow now.
No. 55414
>>54999Drink lots of water, do heavy chores and walk everywhere you go, then sleep a lot and keep the sugars to a minimum, same with sodium, it bloates you. That's how I burned all of my high school chub in two years. You may want to complement it with some actual exercise though.
>>54769Thank you, it means so much to hear advice like this, truth is I never through about working online or the like, mostly because here in Chile people tend to put emphasis in social interactions and puts down other alternatives (all for the sake of impress), I'll keep my eyes peeled in case I find a good deal out there, thank you very much.
Oh, and Happy new year, you guys.
No. 56077
This is gonna be long..
Me and My "boyfriend" have been together for a little over three years now, and over the years we have fought alot and broken up many times.. He has made me into an insecure, obsessed and overall just sick individual with his scary way of thinking. First of all i just want to say he is mentally ill, not in the tumblr sense, he has depression and anxiety, he was also born with ADD which is a non-hyper form of ADHD. We were broken up a little over a month ago, and he was supposed to visit me in the country i live in now(we're ldr,but only have been for ca, 3months?) and we didnt talk for more than a month, then i contacted him because i thought i had acted like a shit(Screaming at him out of frustration, calling him names, not trusting him) and apologized and asked if he wanted to try again.. Well for the past half month he has been a tyran to me, critisising everything i do and say, putting me down constantly, saying we're back together only to change his mind suddenly, he was flirting with a girl in a different city from where he lives and he has a band there so he has to go there every weekend(its far away, 2 hours by boat) and he's staying with a band mate with a little house, so he has little to no privacy there. He refused to skype at night while he is there because he thinks is inapprotriate when they can hear everything, but he can still talk?
Also he refused to be in a relationship on facebook with me, and says i should stop feeling sorry for myself when i cry and just all this fucked up shit… Idk, sorry if this seems written panicly, because it is. I cant burden my friends anymore because they are tired of him, and me talking about him..
No. 56085
>>56077>>56078You already know what to do. He is bad for you. Dump him and never contact him again. It will suck and you will be sad but you'll feel better soon. And you will look back to the three years you spent with him and wonder why you put up with his shit for so long. Don't waste more time.
You absolutely deserve someone better. Don't let a crazy person influence your thoughts and self-worth. I feel for you, anon.
No. 56145
>>54983Basically all of my friends tell me that they think my dad is a dick, and I'm starting to believe that too.
He thinks I should master everything without help, his gf is nice though and she offers her help whenever we meet but it feels bad to ask her for too much advice, can't really explain it.
I AM trying to work on myself job wise, told myself to finally get shit done in 2016
>>54984>I'd rather kill myself than go through a job interviewexactly my thoughts. Thanks for feeling the same way, it's somehow nice to know and I don't feel as retarded anymore.
No. 56971
File: 1452135342994.jpg (74.89 KB, 448x644, https://41.media.tumblr.com/19…)
Honestly, lolcow is the only place where I feel normal and can somewhat relate to people.
And I don't know if that's pathetic or what. I've sorta distanced myself from people in general because I just can't tolerae that "sugar coat every thing for me" mentality. Idk. Sorry for the rant.
No. 56972
>>56145>exactly my thoughts. Thanks for feeling the same way, it's somehow nice to know and I don't feel as retarded anymore.Sure Anon. I don't know if this will mean anything to you, but I'm starting to see my workshyness and general attitude about those things as flawed thinking, a kind of mental problem I guess, and though I can't really move past it right now and magically be ok with living the proper adult life, I'm trying to not let it define me, and I think you shouldn't either. Don't feel retarded for it. You have a problem but you're trying to do something about it. Means much more than giving up defeated. Stay strong and hope 2016 will be a good year for you.
(sorry if this is cheesy, it's just comforting to see someone with similar shit going on so I wish you all the best)
No. 57028
File: 1452163480845.jpg (43.25 KB, 500x534, tJ8smuY.jpg)
>>56971I've sort of given up on real life too, I'm pretty straight forward with things but I also have major guilt issues about being nice to people so I've ended up being reclusive.
Tbh, I even find it hard to relate to some farmers. I usually find threads about SJW issues really repetitive and inane, also the general bitchiness here can be pretty uncreative. Is it so hard to come up with anything but "URR GO BUHK TOO TUHMBLRRR"???
lolcow makes me feel old and jaded sometimes
No. 57046
>>57018And why would you need kids anyway, they wreck your shit since they start to talk, you try to be a good parent and take care of their necessities but then when they turn 12 they start distancing from you and telling you that you ruin everything, then they leave and only God knows if they will come back to visit you.
Having kids is the worst kind of pay less job.
No. 57053
I just wanted some advice/opinions on a situation.
For those that don't know, Yik Yak is a social media app that was designed for college campuses. It's kind of like twitter, but anonymous. Someone posts a "yak" (like a tweet), and then in the comments section there are little symbols instead of names, so people can still communicate within the comments.
Anyway, I couldn't sleep and was browsing through my campuses Yik Yak. As you can imagine, it's full of extremely thirsty people looking to get some dick/vag, especially at night. I saw one that basically said "Someone pay attention to me because my boyfriend doesn't", which I would normally just scroll right past but I noticed it had quite a few comments, so I got curious and checked it out.
I'm not going to transcribe the entire conversation, but basically someone asked in the comments if the OP was interested in sexting. They discussed what she was into sexually and talked a little bit, and the OP strongly reminded me of my friend since high school (she's 19, myself and her boyfriend are 18, we've all known each other since middle school) who goes to the same college as me. In the post, the OP referred to herself as "awkward", something my friend does a lot, and when the OP and the commenter started discussing video games, she mentioned 4 games that I know my friend likes, including one slightly lesser-known PS2 title which I know is her favorite. Her boyfriend gets jealous when she thinks male actors are hot, so I know it would hurt him if he found out. What do? I took screenshots of the conversation. I've never been in a relationship and feel like an idiot trying to get involved in anyone else's. I mean, discussing sexting with strangers when you're in a relationship isn't okay, is it? Or is this harmless?
No. 57054
>>57053tbh you really don't need to get involved.
Regardless of your personal feelings surrounding the situation ultimately it's none of your business.
No. 57058
>>57015Anon you need to start asserting yourself and demanding they look into this more seriously.
I don't know why you'd appear shy or nervous about confronting this issue when ultimately it's your body, the only one you get, and if you have an issue that's not being examined it's only going to potentially damage your body further.
Throwing up everyday is also really not good. If you don't start putting your foot down, go in there and raise hell your teeth are going to end up fucked up and it's likely you already have stomach ulcers.
I used to be the same way when I was younger so I do understand how you're feeling. I had terrible phone anxiety and used to have to write out scripts in Notepad before I made a call to anybody, sometimes I even started crying, but you've got to get to a point where enough is enough.
If you're not receiving answers you need to start harassing them everyday, calling them repeatedly until they get so sick of you that they are forced to examine you seriously just to get you off their backs.
No. 57077
File: 1452187441115.jpg (1.01 MB, 1920x1080, 2016-01-07 17.21.08.jpg)
After returning to my accommodation from my Christmas break I discovered that my laptop had sustained some minor damage in transit.
I realised that the LCD flex cable must have come loose and needed to be reseated (or my inverter is kill) , but that's like, no problem to repair right? I used to repair components, replace my thermal compound and replace digitisers on friend's phones and shit all the time.
Got my precision screwdriver kit out and… realised that my laptops keyboard is a solid chiclet panel.
The front of the motherboard and subsequently the LCD connector was innnacessible without dissembling the entire monitor with pry tools or disassembling the entire lower unit.
My exams are presently going on.
All my lecture slides are on my laptop.
My half-completed 5000 harvard referenced assignment due on the 18th are on my laptop.
University starts again on the 11th.
I have an exam on the 15th and again on the 21st and 22nd.
Before I left I didn't sync Dropbox.
Fortunately laptop was still under warranty and it's been returned to the retailer as of today but who knows how long it's going to take to repair or replace.
Looks like I'll be living at my university's library until further notice.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck this is some prime Sod's Law bullshit fuck.
No. 57083
>>57078Yep it's one of those "everything that could have give wrong did go wrong" things, and at the worst possible moment as well.
Worst part is is that DB is usually set to auto sync but I forgot to drag my work into the folder before I left…
Take care of your data Anon, don't end up like me ;__;
No. 57098
File: 1452196423921.jpg (112.3 KB, 1280x720, jojos_bizarre_adventure-18-suz…)
>tfw i have no idea what im doing
ive been in a relationship for like 2 years now, which is big for me because im still young(19) but over the past few months i've been having a lot of second thoughts. we're ldr and it really takes a toll on us, it's expensive to keep up, too. he's in another country so neither he nor i can really stay as long as we want with each other. i really love him and we get on so well but i find myself wishing i was out or even resenting him at times. we fight a lot(like nearly every day) and a lot of the time i dont even think its worth it. i have a sinking feeling we're just growing apart and i have no idea what to do. feels bad
No. 57119
>>57098Honestly, you're young. End and explore. If you're fighting every day and you hardly even see each other, why bother?
Spread your wings.
Its okay to keep in contact on a friendly level. But damn man. Soar.
No. 57251
>>57246Grrrrrrrrrrl I know this feeling.
Ex-boyfriend cheated on me repeatedly through our relationship without me knowing, was emotionally abusive and manipulative. I recently bumped into him again coming home for the Christmas Holidays.
The guys a full blown drug addict who relies on a cocktail of substances in order to function. I'm talking ket, speed, MDMA, adderal, MCat, whatever he can get his hands on throughout the weekend, a line of codeine phosphate every night to help him sleep.
Apparently the ketamine has destroyed his bladder and he's borderline incontinent. His friend found out him passed on his landing a few months back with his boxers full of urine and shit.
Seeing him physically, he was once a handsome guy, but he looks like a legit druggy now, scrawny/skinnyfat, pallid complexion, hollow cheeks, sunken eyes etc., and he can't hold a conversation for shit any more, just kind of mumbles and slurs a lot.
It gave me immense pleasure. I wish I could high five you through the screen right now.
No. 57438
>>57251Hey, we three have this in common.
I don't know what I was thinking, but I thought he was cute and he had beautiful long blonde hair.
Now he's a dumbass who pretends to be a homeless drug dealer and heroin addict while he lays in his mum's basement smoking pot and doing shrooms all day.
He's looking pretty inbred too these days. That last sprout of puberty didn't do much for him. Loser.
No. 58076
I have a friend who's a tranny. Or a transtrender, maybe. I don't know which word to use on him because he's just not to be taken seriously.
This faggot keeps constantly refering himself as a "woman". They other day I saw him talking about himself as "I'm not the type of woman who–" Ugh, could you fucking cut it already?! No one's buying into your bullshit, you make all us cringe at best. He has a hidden account where he posts nudes, to the point various people when we aren't even that close to him have already seen his penis. He constantly brags about how much he enjoys masturbation and how and when he's gonna do it. He literally has nothing that makes him a woman. He's still an attention whore boy who likes anime gurls and traps. He says he's pansexual but I'm yet to see him attracted to something remotely manly. He doesn't crossdress, trannies usually try to "feel" like the other gender to relieve their dysphoria but this is not even the fucking case, he's doing no attempt to know what's like to be like an actual woman, this is laughable at best. He clearly doesn't have dysphoria. He even showed us the video of the typical camgurl masturbating on a porn site and said "she's the best camgirl". Ugggh, it's so many things, you inmediately realize you are talking to a normal guy. This is just insuferable.
I just want to vomit already. I thought if he did that at first was because he was confused and depressed, and by now he wouldn't be still pushing it. I was wrong. I was fucking wrong. I can't stand this whiny faggot pretending he is a woman when he is the definition of an obnoxious whiny male.
The more contact I have with the male gender, like in this case, the more dissappointed I feel. For the fault of faggots like this one (I don't even want to use this word to refer to him because I feel like I'm insulting actual gays, they at least don't lie when they say the feel attracted to the same gender) and the human crap that mainly infests chans I'm expecting everytime less and less from the male gender. I'm starting to feel they are defective by default. I don't want to feel like this. I want to like men…. But they are so ridiculous and weak. Everytime I see a male with no woman to back him up, he starts doing weird shit at this level of awkwarness, disgracing himself, and ruining his own life with no one else's help. It just looks way to pathetic at my eyes I don't even know what else to do. I'm starting to seriously think that if a man doesn't have a woman who rules him 3 out of 4 times he isn't worth a shit. I feel terrible for feeling like this and I don't know what to do…
No. 58078
>>51673I'm late
but is it Rainbow War?
No. 58258
>>58043ask her if she knows that from filthyfrank
if she says yes, just cut contact permanently
No. 58417
>>58414This.
This description is like classic vaginismus. It's exclusively a mental thing though so what she needs is a therapist not a gyno.
No. 58581
>>58256Thank you for the tips! No, I'm overweight and need to lose weight. I've lost it the healthy way for 5 months, but this last month I've used purging as a way to eat unhealthy food without gaining.
I'm not malnourished as I have awesome energy, feel great everyday, a cold only lasts for 2 day compared to 1 week+ before and I look way healthier. I want to purge if I've eaten a big meal I know might stall my weight loss. I plan my binge/purge and make healthy food to eat afterwards.
No. 58629
>>58417>It's exclusively a mental thing Not necessarily. It's usually psychologic, but I've read it can be the vagina muscle being anormally too tight per se, even when it's not a mental thing. I think
>>58389 should go visit a gyno regardless.
No. 58839
File: 1452575420315.jpg (72.88 KB, 688x457, 1450133062743.jpg)
>24
>moved to new city some months ago for job
>really like job and it pays great
Only issue is I still have literally, and I mean LI-TE-RA-LLY no social life. I just come home and post on the chans and tumblr. That's it. I have no idea how to make friends from scratch at this point in my life too. It's like everyone else has their groups and I'd be an interloper.
No. 58844
>>58839I haven't had friends since high school, and even then I didn't feel like I belonged.
I would get depressed about all my social interaction being online, but at least I can opt-in/out
No. 58884
>>58846uhhh chatrooms and chans.
there is no hope
No. 59030
i fucking did it again, I binged for the second time today and I really REALLY DON'T want to trow up again. It hurts man, it fucking hurts, not only my tummy but my soul? Idk everything is a mess right now, muh stress, college, family, friends, all gone to shit and here I'm right now being a disappointment. I'm thinking about telling someone, just cry, show my pain, feel their support and stop being a disgusting ana-chan but I also don't want to come as an attention whore.
My family probably thinks that I had already overcome my ED but it's fucking back and I really wanted to get rid of all before entering college, but it is what it is
No. 59117
File: 1452671706937.png (259.41 KB, 879x518, holy fucking christ.png)
I got dumped via text message on December 15th two years in a row the same way.
I give up, and accept that I will die alone because any boy will just dump me on December 15th
No. 59162
File: 1452693826138.png (214.89 KB, 483x414, suic.png)
the person that posted this is a fb acquaintance that attempted suicide on nov 30th
It made me really sad and reminded me of my own thoughts of suicide a few years ago. For a moment I felt for him and didn't think what he was doing was wrong in anyway. If he was that miserable it may have been for the best. (He was stopped moments before his death).
I'm going through depression right now, though not as badly as before but I hate that I can't get thoughts of wanting to die out of my mind.
No. 59173
>>59162it kind of alarms me how many farmers seem to be depressed.
whenever anyone questions why we're all on this site, we're always so quick to shrug it off like 'yeah i just come here to lol at trainwrecks my life is fine' but then i see threads like this and…jesus, idk. i have to wonder if we're not all a little fucked in the head.
i'm killing myself, too, but i'm trying to be sneaky about it. notes like the one your friend tried to leave aren't my style…even if I could explain or apologize, I know my family would be devastated by the thought that i intentionally chose this route out. so instead, i drink like a fish, i smoke like a chimney, i'm consuming heroin and cocaine on a regular basis and usually on the same nights, i'm basically just waiting for the day when my body gives out (and trading it in the meantime for rent and drugs and drinks). i don't feel any real attachment towards my body, which is sort of funny because people are always telling me how lucky i am to have the face/shape that i do. i guess i started feeling this way a few years ago when i was raped. i thought i was going to see a guy for a job interview and instead he showed me his gun collection, drugged me, and fucked me until i bled. afterwards, it was just easier to pretend that it didn't matter what happened to my body, it's just meat and fat and bone, who gives a shit?
my rapist is actually waiting on his trial right now, apparently he's done this to several other women and it was only last year that anyone came forward about it because he told us that he'd kill us and 'knew where to bury it so that nobody would ever find you' if we ever went to the police.
he's got some pretty high-price lawyers (from a rich family, owns his own IT company, 'pillar of the community' bigshot asshole type) though, so he's likely to get off. the trial's already been delayed because they found out that he had family connections with the judge or something.
basically i don't see a point coming forth with my own experience because he'll probably just buy his way out of trouble anyways.
i fucking hate this filthy world and i can't wait to be done with it.
No. 59177
File: 1452699603670.jpg (102.86 KB, 618x407, 1440660035478.jpg)
>>59162>this is not a cry for help nor an outburst for attention>F-for real this time! I swear! I'm gonna fucking do it>doesn't kill himselfI'm so very fucking sick of retards like this
Yeah he's a coward and weak-willed alright. But only because he can't bring himself to do it.
No. 59221
>>59209She needs to find another job. This is seriously the only solution. Nothing will ever change.
This job requires your friend to work weekends–which is more important: this job or a job which doesn't require her to work every weekend? She should discuss what days and times she's willing to work at her next job interview.
Of course the owners will always care about their granddaughter's happiness over an employee's. Your friend will only make herself unhappy comparing her treatment with the granddaughter's–they are in two totally separate categories and the sooner she realizes this the happier she will be.
You as the friend need to understand that she may actually need this job more than she needs to hang out with you right now. She's obviously content enough with the situation since she isn't currently looking for employment elsewhere. This job may offer unobvious benefits: better flexibility at other times of the week; cash under the table; easy commute; etc.
No. 59242
>>59173Jfc, anon I'm so sorry for the torment you've been put through and the misery you're experiencing now.
I definitely agree that people who come to this site out of all as an outlet seem to be a little bit fucked in the head, especially considering they want to die most of the time. Wanting to die goes against our nature. We struggle to survive, which is why I think so many people put up with such traumatic shit, hoping that its gets better or feeling that they just have to keep going.
I really hope that sack of shit gets what he deserves, he's a monster. I won't tell you to change or how to lead your life, but I genuinely hope that things get better for you anon, even if takes some time I hope one day you'll wake up happy again.
I was the anon that posted the message, and while I don't want to kill myself, I don't care whether I live or die. I would be at peace with it.
No. 59246
>>59243Why not? Just wondering why it's a bad idea.
I'm a little confused on what you're saying I should do.
And idk, I don't have that many close friends on campus that I would trust to discuss this about.
No. 59255
>>51599You seem to understand nothing about men. I dare you to do that experiment and see if they react the same as you do.
Whenever a man comes here, he gets bombarded with this shit and when a woman comes on cuckchan she gets white knighted. This shows that the sexual market value of an average woman is higher than that of a male.
>>51607At least he's honest to himself unlike anyone here.
No. 59288
>>59246From my experience, messages tend to downplay situations, and can completely misconstrue the meaning behind something.
Not only that, but he can just ignore them. Or, if things go awry, who knows, he can say you were making shit up to harass him or something.
I mean that if you can, have close friends around when you confront him for safety/comfort is possible. I also wouldn't approach him by outright mentioning it because he probably won't be forthcoming about what happened. Bringing it up while the topic has already been mentioned would ease him into it. If thats not possible, then you may just have to jump straight into it and see if he's willing to talk (personally I doubt it, but you never know).
No. 59339
>>59338I took shit way out of context and I've been up for thirty hours
I'm quietly deleting this post
No. 59373
>>59330Better and easier to just improve yourself rather than ending yourself.
>>59345It's never gonna happen, best you move on to greener pastures.
>>59351If you like it go fuck him however many times you want, if not say "no" and cut off contact.
No. 59376
I love the place where I work and the job I do. I'm a style expert at a resale clothing boutique. Here comes my fucking vent.
They fired the old manager in October, over night. Kicked me and my co-worker out the door, came in and fired her. At that same time, a co-worker practically begged to have the assis. Management position, despite never having a job anywhere else outside her home. They gave it to her. Then in walks this bitch they hired as the new manager. Before I vent about how fucked it is there, I'll give you a run down of all of the reasons she's called in to not come into the store:
Her Grandma died.
Shortly after that, her Grandpa died.
Shortly after that her DAD goes into a diabetic coma.
He dies the next day.
Her husband was drunk driving and got in an accident and is in the ICU (here daughter opened her big mouth to me and pretty much proved she was lying)
Migraines - lots of them
Secret illness that "floored" the AM, but she has to keep it a secret.
Her daughter and her two kids get into an emergency situation and need to be removed from their home
I mean, this shit goes ON AND ON. The AM does nothing but kisses her ass, and then complains about it behind her back. This has been going on for months now and no one has said a fucking word about it to our corporate office. The AM is completely incompetent, but knows they are looking to oust her as AM. She's so power thirsty that she won't say a word but I think she's hoping one of us do. We've lost three employees since this whole shitstorm started and it fucking pisses off the older employees, and the two new ones are confused as fuck. AM keeps saying she has proof of a bunch of shit but she is too much of a god damn fucking baby to go over her head and say anything. She won't even talk to the new manager about anything except to kiss her ass. She whines, I say "you should talk to her" and it never gets done. Why the FUCK they hired someone with bad fashion sense and piss poor interpersonal relationship skills just gives me the horribles. Not to mention that the tension is so thick because we have so much to do and such little staff that last night another co-worker of mine and I were like two pitbulls waiting to tear each other to death. I came home and ate my feels. I can usually shake off the stress but help my fuck it's getting hard.
And tomorrow I have to go to a meeting ON MY DAY OFF to learn how to buy properly from some dingbat 23 year old that thinks she's a gorgeous supermodel and doesn't know where Philadelphia is. She is a college graduate. A piece of paper got her a fancy job she doesn't deserve. But you couldn't pay me to work a corporate job ever again.
So yes, I do love my job. I just hate hate hate hate how this is going.
Yay got that off my chest. This shit continues and I'm going back to skincare. I can have another job tomorrow. Just never know if it would be as fun as what I do now.
No. 59435
File: 1452798658455.png (19.19 KB, 1350x561, GQJ5yS6.png)
>>59428I had those thoughts a few years ago, but something changed when I realized I don't have to live a "regular" life, working 5 days a week, being exhausted and going to a bar in the weekends. So I'm selling all my stuff and traveling the world which is something I've always wanted to do. I realized the meaning of life is to do things that make me happy.
No. 59439
>>59435Unfortunately I've done just that. Travel for months, have my own business which allows me to work from anywhere, great friends, an affectionate boyfriend. This isn't a case of some bum whining about how they feel sad yet all they do is stuff their face with doritos all day and never leave their mom's basement. I can honestly say I made a great effort for many years and yet, if anything, I feel worse because I've fulfilled any goals I had and realized it helped with jack shit.
Sorry anon, everyone's different so I hope I didn't put a damper on things. I sincerely hope it works out well for you.
No. 59449
>>59439Dude, that's me. I've done all this shit with the help of medication and I can actually be happy. Got off the shit and it fucked a lot of things up. I just came to terms with the fact that my brain is shit and I need meds even though I have everything going for me and am far, far away from my formerly shit life.
If you've been depressed for a while it's hard to change those cognitions.
No. 59480
File: 1452807060998.gif (30.81 KB, 540x540, tumblr_o0tfcxUWSa1qf1qjho1_540…)
I've always lived by being "obsessed" with something. That thing made my life worthwile.
See, ever since 2009-2010 christmas and halloween and stuff never felt like it for me again, i was a tiny tween weaboo,enjoying her life despite the heavy bullying at school, i would go home and play final fantasy,listen to nightcore or play DDR,browse gaia,deviantart,roleplay on msn and get excited with things,have things that made me feel special like wearing lolita clothes (ita if anything) while listening to some game OST and walking outside in fall/winter,…
After that it slowly went away and by 2011 i began to live through people in a way? First it was this lolita but she went full normalfag, then it was Venus, then Dakota,i was obsessed with her and would pretend to make hair tutorial and outfit videos in front of the mirror (too shy to post anything),then xiaorishu for a bit then…nothing? They all faded away/stopped being interesting/…
At this exact point it all fell appart.
And the thing is,now,i don't have anything, like,i have a "nice" life i'm studying,gonna graduate next year, i have some "friends" and a super close one,i have nice clothes,a nice family,not much money but ok. But i just don't have ANYTHING exciting that makes me feel like before?
So why? What is happening to me? I just want to find the same joy i felt during that time. Sometimes i wish i could go back in a way. I was suffering at that period but things were so much more interesting to me.
Sorry for the long post and retarded english since i'm french. But i just can't deal with it anymore…I'm getting out of depression,it just doesn't feel like "depression" i just feel…so lost in life?
No. 59522
File: 1452813398523.jpg (472.34 KB, 1920x1080, 1449706708462.jpg)
I'm not the type of person that tends to think in binary terms such as black and white, good and evil, but lately I've been feeling like I'm a bad person.
This board and others like it turn me into a bad person.
It's amusing to me to ponder on the fact that the person that knows me best in the world is our adept little incognito Administrator given that here on lolcow is the only place I'm ever honest about my thoughts and feelings.
In real life I don't really lie, I'm not a liar because I have nothing to lie about, but then I don't really talk about myself ever.
I rely on this board 100% as a means of emotional exertion but for a few years now I've felt the sensations of a craving for more in life steadily creeping up inside of me.
I desire a real connection and friends, but I hold everybody around me at arm's length and refuse to let anybody get close.
I don't even know what it was that caused me to become this way or when that change began to happen.
I want to fix myself but I can't even pinpoint the origin of my illness and I feel so lost and alone and gray.
How do you let people in when people have only ever tried to use you or hurt you in the past? I cannot trust anybody with any kind of substantial knowledge about me but I'm tired of this mask.
No. 59524
>>59522I'm in a shockingly similar position, I really want to be real with people all the time and make deeper connections, I'm tired of hiding.
I feel like I'm gonna get fucked over somehow if I do that, though, so I keep people at a reasonable distance. I'm really paranoid and have like 50 alts on everything
(skype, emails, steam, etc)
extremely comfy pic btw
No. 59529
File: 1452815081438.jpg (960.18 KB, 1545x877, 1452359259613.jpg)
>>59524Part of me now is like "reach out to her, you could be tomodachis", but then another part is like "no way this bitch will fuck you over one day BETTER TO BE ALLLLLLLL ALONE".
Also yes I am incredibly paranoid also. I used to have like 10 different aliases for years (I'm 24 now), but it became too tiring logging in and out of everything and constantly keeping track of all my shit.
I'm trying to be more of a normie these days and my life certainly has less toxicity and is more productive I guess.
Th-thanks too m8.
No. 59545
>>59529I'm doing my best to follow the advice of "You gotta sift through the shit to find the peanut". You're gonna go through some awful friends/acquaintances before you find worthwhile ones, just stay patient and accept the fact that some people aren't gonna work out. Some failures of friends are better than no friends at all.
It's not easy since it goes against our paranoid instincts, logically it makes the most sense.
No. 59558
>>59549I've just been on imageboards and online in general for so many years now I feel like maybe I've divorced myself from reality a bit.
I've never personally considered myself a bad person up until now and it's due to people's negative reactions and the things they're saying that's making me seriously reconsider the way I project myself online, i.e. "What if these people are wiser than me and are right. Have I really been so blind? ".
I just need to get some fucking friends and get away from all this online shit, but it's such a seductive crutch for INTP types who shy away from personal relationships and can't fit into a normie lifestyle, but I think a lot of people on here can relate to this actually.
Maybe I'll try soliciting some potential friends from here once I've got some IRL shit out of the way.
No. 59560
>>59557idk just participating in all this drama and stuff all the time.
I'm exceedingly emotionally distant in real life and I think I'm starting to realise that since I was about 14 I've been using the Internet to numb myself through the intake of a constant flow of information.
I'm addicted to information and require constant stimulus visually, audibly etc. and I used to tell myself that it was just me being eccentric but I'm starting to seriously confront the fact that I'm probably just trying to escape any kind of emotional development taking place in me.
If I bombard myself with miscellaneous information then there's no room for independent thought in my head. I've become trash.
Sorry, I know this kind of stuff isn't interesting to externals but I'm flattered that you asked all the same.
This is actually pretty cathartic for me so thank you.
No. 59561
>>59558"What if these people are wiser than me and are right. Have I really been so blind? "
I hate this feel
No. 59568
>>59561It is a pretty shitty variation of feel.
I should probably put my money where my mouth is, disconnect and do some uni work though.
Thanks for the chat guys.
No. 59582
>>59560Well its better than reading gossip magazines and being shit to people in real life.
Lots of people develop vices, many to numb the feeling of living. I'm going to be rude here and assume you're a bit lost in life, is there anything you enjoy or wish to pursue? Why not take a short course at a tech school and see what comes of it?
If you want constant visual and audible stimulus, try working in a kitchen or another fast paced job, you wont even have the time to think about thinking.
I think we will probably see a bit of a shift in societal norms as children continue to use the internet for recreation. Brains will be developing in much less social environments, resulting in less social people.
I dont even know what im saying I should really eat….
Also, what the fuck is an external, are you like a collection of consciousnesses or something?
No. 59595
>>59560If it bothers you, maybe you could take a break from internet drama for a bit? Like
>>59582 said, maybe take a class in something and see if you like it or not. Or try something new. I'm addicted to information too, I'm on here constantly. But I don't think you should think you're a bad person because of it, there's nothing wrong with having a guilty pleasure.
No. 59763
I'm a male with a gf who just lurks here occasionally out of curiosity. First time poster, but maybe you can give me some perspective here.
I was a virgin before meeting her, but she's had sex with other people. And it bothers me that I'm sexually inexperienced. I can tell it bothers her sometimes and I can't please her as much as she wants. Now, I don't think it has anything to do with my body - I look good, and my dick is definitely big enough, so it's my performance I guess. I'm just not used to it, and I don't always know how to do things. She had to show me how to finger her just the other day, and got kinda irritated with me. Like, I thought I might hurt her, I've never done this before! I dunno… I know she loves me, but I wish I could give back to her and I just don't know how to get good at sex. I wish she would be more patient and let me figure things out, because I do enjoy it when I find something that she likes, but she doesn't communicate nearly enough about what feels good.
No. 59770
>>59767Yeah that'd be a lot easier if I knew what the hell I was doing. I can try to be more like that, but it's a little more complicated than that.
I can't just initiate with her like I used to. You see, her birth control didn't work and I got her pregnant, and she got an abortion. And since then, she's been very depressed. So I don't want her to resent me if I'm pushy with her during a time when she really doesn't want to have sex. The last time we did, it seemed like she was just doing it because she felt like she had to. So I'm in this awkward state where I'm waiting for her to initiate the sex because I don't want her to hate me for pressuring her into it when she's dealing with that.
I wish it were that simple, friend…
No. 59778
>>59773>so what the fuck should you know about abortions?I'm not sure why you even asked this question, I was just calling it like I see it.
Good luck
No. 59781
>>59775Goddammit, man, if she's not too depressed about the abortion, what is holding you back? Man up and fuck her senseless or lose her to someone who will. She is not a china doll; she will let you know if she's uncomfortable. Hesitancy in the bedroom is a libido killer. Get out of your head and get into her pants.
>>59778For what it's worth, I agree with you. If she already has contempt for him since he's too scared to fuck it's probably already over, but I really want to give OP a bit of hope. Who knows? Maybe he can miraculously turn it around.
No. 59784
File: 1452906959475.jpg (408.02 KB, 500x789, Classical-People-Oil-Paintings…)
>add guy from r9k
>we talk to each other and share pictures (mind you, this is a friendship not a romantic or sexual relationship)
>acts a bit off with me but otherwise good
>at first witty, funny, engaging
>later starts acting more mean to me and saying it's a joke
>ignores me when he's on and only responded to my message when i jokingly mentioned him being on a website
also
>talk to him too much and send him a lot of messages because i generally like him and enjoy his company
>he says he appreciates it and most girls only give one word replies but.. he's doing the same to me
Fuck this.
No. 59792
>>59789If he was happy with the way things were going he'd still be talking to you the way he always was. It IS an /r9k/ poster we're talking about here, it could be any number of things: Maybe you never got the hints he dropped, maybe he has a gf or someone else he was interested in and his attention is now going to them?
In any case, why worry about it? You have a bf anyway.
No. 59794
>>59786Probably.
I thought of him as a friend, not a romantic interest so I dont see why me having a bf was relevant. It kind of annoys me when people ignore me out of no where. For some reason men do this to me the most
No. 59806
>>59773
>are you a woman, it doesn't like it I was thinking the same thing, a lot of it due to the fact that we here don't really tend to use the word beta - that's an insult people from /r9k/ use to insult other men.
Pretty sure that's a guy masquerading as a woman giving you shitty advice. Don't listen to him.
I actually felt very touched reading your posts; honestly you sound like a very respectful, patient and caring individual which are rare qualities to find online these days.
No. 59807
>>59797There are quite literally millions of exceptions to this across the world.
Stop pretending you're a woman and leave.
No. 59814
>>59806Interesting how being "calm, patient, and respectful" isn't working for him in his relationship though, huh?
Why do you think my advice is shitty?
No. 59942
>>59920Nah. I honestly said that because my friend and I were sharing seats and I was taking up room.
Stop trying to analyze my words, please.
>>59938I don't want the fuck any man just because. I'm not an animal.
No. 60011
File: 1452986401346.jpg (137.55 KB, 432x769, flake ass bitch.jpg)
>Be me, on Plenty of Fish
>Guy messages me
>Cute and intelligent
>He acts very invested in our conversation; sends me a few paragraphs per message
>Asks me out for Saturday night
>Three hours before the date, he sends this
Ugh, you should have thought about these things BEFORE you signed up for a dating website. I mean, it's nice that he was honest instead of making up some BS excuse like "I'm too tired", but still…
>tfw now I'll be spending Saturday night with my fellow farmers
No. 60079
>>60029Why are you flirting with him then? Do you think drawing attention to your body, asking for compliments, and going out of your way to touch and compliment him is normal platonic behavior?
If he wasn't a total beta with a low self-esteem he'd have asked you out because of the blatant signs of you wanting him you've given him.
No. 60143
>>60079I wasn't flirting with him. If I was I would of told you. I said I had fat thighs to both my (female) friend and him while we were both sitting close to each other.
I acted the same way (and more) with my female friends that I did with him, so I honestly did not see my actions as flirting. I think he noticed that, too.
He's not a "total beta" and I don't want him. Are you from r9k?
No. 60209
>>60143You can't act the same way with a straight guy that you would with a female friend. It's perfectly fine for platonic female friends to cuddle and be very intimate in various ways with each other but it would be really weird if heterosexual man and a woman did so platonically. You're really delusional if you think touching and compliments from the opposite sex are not explicit signs to men that they want them to ask them out. These are things that men don't do with each other and reserve exclusively for people they're interested in romantically/sexually. I mean I genuinely can't understand how you could write out what your wrote and not expect people to interpret your actions as having an interest in him, and that's over the internet I can only imagine how blatant it must come off in person.
Hopefully you'll grow out of it eventually when you're older after it leads to apparent platonic relationships disintegrating over the mixed signals you send.
>>60145No I'm not that guy. I'm just being real here based on her descriptions of him getting embarrassed and getting more intimate towards her after her touching him. It sounds like he's into her but is probably shy and a bit of a "beta". I'm saying this as a beta relating to another beta in the story. I don't go on about whores either.
No. 60213
>>60209Why are you here when you know nobody is interested in nor values your opinion.
Leave.
No. 60214
>>60209>You can't act the same way with a straight guy that you would with a female friend. It's perfectly fine for platonic female friends to cuddle and be very intimate in various ways with each other but it would be really weird if heterosexual man and a woman did so platonically.this is true. I honestly think
>>60143 is underaged, because a 18 year old should know this. She's sending out very mixed signals, and I think this guy likes her. If she's not into him she should cool it down because that shit can wreck a guy.
No. 60221
>>60214No I'm 18. Just socially retarded. It's only this year I've been hanging out with people like this, especially men.
Other years I was a recluse, kept to myself, and didn't talk to anyone that much except female adults.
No. 60225
This is some really petty shit but it's been bothering me for so long now and I can't really talk to anyone about it so anonymous forum it is.
So most of my online friends come from this forum that I joined when I was a lonely little 13 year old weeb. Most of them are my age, but then there’s this one girl who’s in her mid 20’s and the way she’s been acting lately is really putting me off.
This might sound a bit mean, but I don’t think she understands that I don’t really consider her a close friend anymore. I’ve been doing a lot of growing up during the past few years and I’ve made lots of new friends that I would rather go to with my personal problems than her. We barely even talk these days, yet she still comes to me for advice and really personal stuff. (I used to be the person all my online friends talked to about their issues, mainly because I didn’t really have any problems of my own and had way too much free time) I could handle it before, but I’m really not in a good place right now. I have a lot of personal shit to deal with and life in general just isn't so peachy when you’re crossing over from teenager to young adult. I really can’t deal with a grown up woman’s problems right now, I just can’t!
She keeps sending me stuff too. Not just 5 dollars worth of things but pretty expensive stuff like merch, clothes, jewellery and just general knick-knacks. I’ve never been a very materialistic person and honestly, being showered with gifts isn’t something i’m comfortable with. At all. When someone gives me something I always feel like I have to give an equal amount of stuff back and I’m not financially capable of doing that right now. I’ve told her this several times already, but every time I tell her off she says things like: ”it bothers me that I can’t be there for you because you live so far away, so I’ll just send you stuff instead.” or ” You don’t have to give me anything back, I just want to show you how much you mean to me. I only have one friend besides you so you mean a lot to me.” Sometimes she even flat out tells me no, that she’s an adult and can do whatever she wants with her money, that she’ll keep sending me stuff whether I actually want her to or not. I feel like she’s clinging onto me because she doesn’t have anyone else and it’s really starting to feel suffocating.
I’m flattered that there’s actually someone out there who thinks so highly of me and that I've had such a positive impact on her life, but at the same time I don’t feel comfortable with having this much power over someone. I feel like I could convince her to give me half of her paycheque every month or leave her emotionally scarred for life by ending our friendship. That’s not how a friendship is suppose to look like. Nobody should have that much power over someone else.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like if I tell her all this she’ll freak out and relapse or something, but at the same time talking to her is starting to feel more and more like a chore and I find myself coming up with excuses to just end the conversation quickly.
Sorry for the long post, I’ve been holding this in for a while. Also sorry for my shitty language and retarded grammar. It’s late and english isn’t my first language.
No. 60227
>>60225Are you me? I'm in a similar situation. I have a really clingy friend that gets WAY too personal with me, telling me all about the darkest and deepest issues she has and despite informing her multiple times that I'm going through major depression and struggling with young adult problems myself and I can't handle her issues on top of my own, she keeps doing it. She apologizes once and then just continues doing it. Sometimes she gets remorseful and gives me expensive gifts which I'm not comfortable at all with since I'm not materialistic and stuff doesn't make me happy, and sometimes she even guilt trips me about how she gives me so much stuff without her getting anything in return.
Like you said, I'm flattered that I'm so important to someone but it's so suffocating when I don't have enough space and time or support myself to go through my own problems. I'm the only person she has so I don't have the heart to let her go.
No. 60233
>>60227I feel you anon, it's really shitty when someone just walks all over your feelings like that, especially when they claim that they're doing it because they care about you. My friend doesn't guilt trip me about the gifts she gets me, but she also keeps promising that she'll stop and then keeps on going anyway. I told her back in November that she didn't need to get me anything for Christmas but she only responded with "TOO LATE! I ALREADY BOUGHT IT!!! IN FACT I ALREADY SEND IT! ouo /runs away to avoid your wrath/" I honestly feel like she's not taking my feelings seriously.
Also she keeps using my real name instead of my internet alias, she's even told it to her irl friend and fucking STRANGERS! Granted, they're on the other side of the world so I don't think they'll find me or anything but still, that's a really private thing and she just keeps throwing it around like it's fucking nothing.
Anyway, I really hope you manage to find a way out of your situation, anon.
No. 60255
>>60225I felt a little bad for her until I read the part where she ignores your feelings about the unwanted gifts and says she has the authority to continue since she's an adult and it's her prerogative.
She is coming across as creepy and unstable in your comments and you do not have to deal with her stressful BS. Are you willing to be held hostage for life since you fear hurting her feelings if you break things off?
I would have a frank discussion with her, telling her that you have your own struggles and that you can't be her counselor on top of everything else, too.
If she brings up gifts again, tell her that you're not materialistic and that more unasked for possessions are a burden and you won't accept them. Feel free to return any packages unopened. Not sure where you live, but in the USA it doesn't cost anything to refuse an unasked for, unwanted delivery.
It is emotional abuse (of you) if she threatens harm to herself over any of this. If she does or fakes it, remind yourself that she made her own decisions and nothing she does is your fault.
It is seriously unfair of her to have put you in this awkward position. Best of luck.
No. 60791
>>60782My ex-boyfriend did this exact same shit to me.
I believed we were in love, and I know I was for sure, and it's taken me a long to get over what happened but I've realised that the people in my circle who were so willing to turn against me on the words of a guy they know is an abusive creep were never friends to begin with.
Whatever you do don't let it consume you. I threw away almost 4 years of my life being consumed by my anger and rage and indignity over what happened. Try to purge all thoughts of revenge from your head because no matter what you're do he's always going to turn around as you being a "crazy bitch".
Ultimately the best revenge you can attain is moving on with your life and leaving those losers all behind. Your ex can keep those friends, if they're all really backstabbers and thgat easily manipulated then it won't be long before they begin turning on each other or maybe even him in the future.
Man I feel so bad for you because I know exactly how you feel. It really hurts. I wish I could give you a hug, come over and drink cups of hot lemon and do face masques and eat ice cream together.
No. 60793
>>60782Pay someone to give you a shiner and go to the police. Tell them that he beat you, tell them you want to press charges and them you want a restraining order.
Dox him on your social media. Make sure he's blocked though.
This is if you want to get revenge though.
Better way to handle it would be to disassociate with all those people. If they took his side without asking for your side of it or didn't question him then they probably didn't know you very well. You should use this time for reflect on things in move on. This can be a fresh start for you.
No. 60796
>>60795That's why I followed it by saying the better way to do it would be to move on.
I guess I should have ended it by saying don't stoop to his level it won't make you feel better.
No. 60831
>>60791Thank you for the advice. I wish I had someone to do those things with haha.. if you ever feel like talking about it my throwaway is anon53010@gmail.com
>>60793I'm actually really torn between the two ideas. Part of me wants to fuck up his new relationship, ruin his life, and maybe send a fuckton of pizzas to his house… but part of me just wants to forget about it. It's really hard to forget when everywhere you go, you know people are gossiping about you.
No. 60968
File: 1453271779167.jpg (19.9 KB, 438x438, 1453093579083.jpg)
>tfw neverending BV/yeast infections
>tfw muscles clamp shut so i can't have sex, or even use a tampon
>the doctor had to hold me down to do swabs because i thrash around from the pain
>medication did nothing
my bf can't get past the tip without me breaking down because it hurts so much. he's been with me for a year but i can feel he's going to leave me soon for a normal girl. it's not fair to him to be sexless, but god i love him so much, this is killing me
No. 60975
>>60972When I take antibiotics for the BV it makes the yeast infection worse. When I take antifungals for the yeast infection it only gets rid of the worst, so I can sit down, but the damage is still there.
This all began when I started birth control and I ignored the constant discharge for months. I think there's just irreversible tissue damage now plus vaginismus maybe, that's what someone on /g/ suggested. tiny violin but w/e it's a vent thread. i get so upset now when I see any depiction of sex. cuz i know how effortless it is for those girls, how my bf has been with those girls without any problems, it only reminds me how useless i am.
No. 60981
>>60979True, but a lot of the supposed pleasure from anal comes from the anal cavity and the vagina being in very close proximity, I can only imagine it would still be painful for her.
As for oral, that's true, but it doesn't solve the problem. It just can't replace real sex.
No. 60991
>>60968I know that feel anon (except the infections). The more you'll obsess over it, the worse it'll get.
It might help to take a break from sexual activities (besides orals or handjobs if you can do that for your bf), try other things besides penetrative sex so you won't feel as pressured (make sure your bf doesn't attempt anything or suggest it if things seem to go well) and make sure you're properly aroused.
It might sound dumb but does your boyfriend attract you ? Is the room you're in cleaned and comfortable ? Also do you try other things during foreplay so you can relax like being more vocal than usual or using dirty words, etc.
No. 61226
>>61217You do just want to fuck us.
That's why the overwhelming majority of rapes are committed by, GASP, men.
That's why the overwhelming majority of sexual assaults are committed by, GASP, men.
That's why the overwhelming majority of sexual assaults on children are committed by, GASP, men.
That's why the overwhelming majority of cases of CP possession are committed by, GASP, men.
That's why the overwhelming majority of kidnappings are committed by, GASP, men.
That's why the overwhelming majority of revenge porn cases are committed by, GASP, men.
That's why the overwhelming majority of porn is directed towards, GASP, men.
>can't you vile creatures think past your basic instinctsKEK LE KEK
DON' ROOOOOSE UR WAAAAI
No. 61273
>>61267protip: you're not a lesbian.
Probably solved a few problems for you down the line by getting that one out of the way.
No. 61337
>>61293Good point, though I'll say I'm pretty confident in my sexuality. But whether it's because I'm gay or something else, I'm not into him like that and he knows that.
Not really making excuses.
I know what I'm doing is wrong and I'll hurt him in the end.
I'm just venting really. It's pretty complicated. He's also a close family friend and my boss. There's a lot to it. I'm just ranting.
No. 61374
>>61369I lost my two best, most treasured friends to this. It got out of hand when they began targeting me with their outbursts and acting as though they couldn't even remember who I was. I had to cut them off. I have no friends now.
I thought they'd snap out of it after a few years, but every time I check on them I can see that they're going further off the deep end than I thought was possible.
No. 61375
>>61217>ignores everything elseCause you know it's true robot :^)
Why are you even fucking here.
No. 61382
>>61381Why are you so bitter, this whole place is literally more bitter than /r9k/
Are you mad that you lost life on easy mode or what
No. 61409
>>61374It's comforting to know that I'm not alone.
It sucks that they targeted you, I can only imagine how infuriating that propably is. But I'm sure you will find better friends.
I wonder why they become like this… Does it make them feel superior to non-SJWs?
No. 61424
File: 1453406254022.jpg (143.25 KB, 500x706, stopthat.jpg)
>>61388>women make us do ityes, it's the fault of women everywhere that you refuse to just clean up and socialize with females like a normalfag and choose to waste your time and money buying empty, meaningless ~cuddles~ instead, so you can pretend to be in a loving relationship without any of the commitment or effort.
what the fuck.
No. 61446
>>61441I'm just stating a fact.
>>61442Nah, I actually like it here. Hurts not getting your way, doesn't it?
No. 61478
>>61470Are you trying to say that it IS just as easy for a guy to get a partner?
>>61472I find it funny, you're really just REEEEEEEEEEEing in your own way.
No. 61484
File: 1453412899728.gif (48.27 KB, 201x199, image.gif)
>>61449>I try to report them but unsure how effective it is.lmao he's not going to exterminate all of them from the site. he knows theyre here and frankly doesnt give a shit unless they spam
No. 61507
File: 1453418155246.jpeg (27.53 KB, 320x320, image.jpeg)
>>61492I'm too Stacy to be related to you, sorry
No. 61508
File: 1453418169597.jpg (57.33 KB, 777x540, feel.jpg)
>tfw no skinny robot friend to harshly bully, forcibly to dress up as a girl and blackmail
No. 61609
File: 1453437796971.jpg (153.16 KB, 645x1260, finally.jpg)
>tfw no lolita gf
>tfw no gf
>tfw no internet gf
No. 61617
File: 1453439610306.jpeg (65.14 KB, 1272x812, image.jpeg)
>>37845I needed that, thanks.
No. 61679
>>61669That's the best you could come up with?
Confirmed man.
No. 61914
I used to spend a lot of time on r9k. I used to pretend to be a boy so I wouldn't get shit. At the time, it was good, because I was probably at my most suicidal then, and it gave me a sense of community. But once I started getting better, I realized how toxic it was. It was a site full of whiny, nasty, poorly groomed shits that used to badger me irl, entitled overgrown brats that felt thet had a RIGHT to my time and conversation brcause I was into the same weirdo shit as them. I barely tolerated these kinds of people irl, why did I hang out with them online? The only way to truly be happy is not hang around places like that, so I left. I'm thinking I need to do the same with lolcow, gradually. I love having a female image board, so I'll check /b/ and /g/ about the same, but /snow/ and /pt/…not so much.
No. 61919
>>43800I'm in a similar situation. I do have two friends though, but while I'm nice to them they give me very low priority, and I'd like to make more, because it can get very lonely.
I want to make a meetup group for only girls, so I can have female friends, but I'm not sure how to put across "looking for women in the mid-20s range, who also aren't great at making friends" without coming off as pathetic.
No. 61923
>>61914I took a look at r9k and it's just so desperately sad, I couldn't stand to be there long. I like lolcow because there can be some really honest conversations about shit and some really funny fail threads.
The shit I hate is the vendetta threads, self posters, pulltards, and tumblr fags shitting up the board. Everything gets really childish and derailed when people start catty fights and calling out samefag when they barely know what's going on.
No. 61928
>>45907Having been in a similar situation, I noticed you said aside form the emotional abuse, he was everything you wanted in a boyfriend.
The thing is, that perfect side of him only exists because he's emotionally abusive, to reel you back in after he's been awful to you. I mean, would you put up with the abuse if outside of that he was generally an asshole too? Fuck no!
If you want to email me, for someone to talk to one on one, my throwaway is riddler323@aol.com. I was totally alone after breaking up with my first boyfriend, it would've been nice to have someone to talk to.
Either way, best of luck on standing your ground.
No. 62574
File: 1453630435494.jpg (28.43 KB, 480x360, 1448052352573.jpg)
I read a little bit of a tumblr blog from someone I used to follow and holy shit she's cringey. How did I not notice that while following her blog? She's Chinese born and raised in England and she thinks she's the one who should talk about racism again Japanese people? It wouldn't be too bad if she weren't such a weeb and koreaboo herself and then defending only some specific Japanese and Korean people by using the terrorist attacks in Paris as comparison. She won't stop stop complaining about the lack of representation for Asian people in the West when it's not even as bad as a lot of people. Like, I could complain about how the only North African character in a popular American thing is that girl in the movie Kingsgame and literally nothing else, and it would be a silly thing to complain about.
Also, why do people love comparing terrorist attacks to the ones in Paris? Why do they care so much about how people don't create a new hashtag to raise awareness when it's far from being the most important thing when an attacks occurs? She and other people I used to follow are all like "oh white people died lol good riddance" in a joking way but they're so stupid that they can't even notice that some of their precious "POCs" died too in these attacks. They're always like "protect POCs at all costs" and then they call me some POCs white for some reason, and in the same sentence they'll call some white people from specific part of the world POCs because they're stupid as fuck. Worst part is that she's privileged in the sense that she's so rich she can buy stupid shit all the time and the worst things that happened to her were the few times she was called "exotic" because of her face, and her first language in English, which doesn't seem that important but it is. And she complains about how she's treated like shit, and go as far as to compared her "sufferings" to other people who have it so much worse than her.
I unfollowed a lot of blogs similar to this one some months ago and I'm glad I did. Sometimes I think about my own weaboo phase (which was far from being extreme actually) and I wonder how these cunts will react once they'll be out of their own weeb+SJW phase. I hope they'll hate themselves because they're pretty detestable. They don't respect anyone and they wonder why they have such a bad reputation, that girl and other former friends. I'm sorry if it's not coherent but I'm so pissed. I should just block all these blogs.
No. 62577
I felt really alone where I am right now, and I've been struggling to make friends. I mean, I DO have good friends, but they're all at home. I've been struggling with my depression while I'm here, and I opened up to one friend while I was here because I thought he might understand a bit of what I was going through. I just wanted someone to sort of help me through things, not even giving advice, but even just letting me call him and talk to him on the phone about random things was calming when I started feeling really down. Then, out of nowhere, he became really distant and mean (meaner than how he usually teases me). I asked him why he was being so weird, and he just responds with "I'm not being weird, I'm just busy since my girlfriend is visiting" and then I suddenly felt like I couldn't say anything anymore.
I felt like if I reached out to him for anything it would come off as me being selfish, it would be me taking attention away from his girlfriend. What right do I have to his attention than his girlfriend (who, even though they've known each other for a few months, have only started going out and it's going to be LDR). I felt so trapped and alone even moreso because I felt like I had nowhere to turn.
I was talking to some friends about it because it was really bothering me, and some just suggested apologizing because maybe he was upset with me because I kept refusing to go out (hah, classic isolation. how nice, that's not gonna solve any of my issues). I finally worked up the courage to do so, just to get it off my chest and to start moving on without him as a friend. I just said shit like how I was sorry to be such a burden, sorry for refusing to go out, sorry for forcing my issues on him, etc etc. It sure did sound like me playing victim but I honestly just wanted to try and get myself some closure and move on, but I get back responses like 'I'm not ignoring you, you can always talk to me, I just really wanted to pay attention to my girlfriend since she's going back soon and it's ldr' and the last bit does make me feel selfish. It brings back the feeling that I'm a selfish asshole who really isnt above anyone else in his life and I should've just kept my mouth shut in the first place.
But the first part… like… you wouldn't have said that had I not messaged you about it. You don't care at all, and you've never cared. You blatantly ignored me in our classes together (and only me), and I'm really annoyed.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling. He invited me to go hang out but I have all these malicious thoughts in my head and I know I'm vilifying him to myself because I feel wronged even though I have no reason to and I don't know what to do about any of it. I'm just so sick of being such a handful to everyone around me and myself because I just don't know how to handle myself. I'm a god damn wreck.
No. 62674
>have exam tomorrow>can't sleep>haven't really studied at all>promised myself I'd go through my notes today>looked at everything for 5 minutes>"you can study tomorrow while you're taking the bus to the exam!">dick around the internet all dayFuck my brain, why am I falling into the same trap every time even though I know it's fucking stupid.
>>62671How much time do you have? I wish you all the best for studying and your exams anyway!
No. 62677
>>62674I have 9 days before the first and 11 days before the second exam, counting today even though it's 9PM here
Thank you very much, these are my first uni exams and I'm worried especially because I've never done essay-type questions before which apparently require outside reading for good marks
Sorry about your situation
How important is the exam? Which year are you in?
No. 62687
>>62677That should be enough time if you continue to study. Do you have any general topics for your essay which you can do outside reading at? At my last essay exam we had three questions on different topics to choose from, and the general topics had been revealed before so that we could do some background reading.
If that's the case, my tip is to only focus on one or a maximum of two topics you care the most about. I actually researched only one topic and I did fine. Don't worry yourself too much, you just need some genereal knowledge and some relevant facts from the latest discussion of the topic. It's not gonna be an academic essay where you can quote source and shit, you don't have the possibility to do that in exams, it's more of a general writing exercise.
(As said, assuming your essay will be similar to mine)
>Sorry about your situationBelieve me, I feel sorry for myself enough. It's really my own fault though…
>How important is the exam? Which year are you in?I'm in my second year. I just need to pass with 60%, it will not be graded. But if I fail I cannot take the next advanced class, and I will have to re-do the course next semester, meaning an entire semester went to waste.
No. 62688
>>62687No we don't know the topics beforehand
I forgot to even consider any topics I might be interested in more than others, I guess I feel good about topics I understand more so I'll find some to focus on, thanks
Welp, at least it's not graded I guess
Best of luck with passing
No. 63105
>>63062Have you honestly never heard about this until now?
Fun fact: some nip also made a doujin based on it
No. 63117
>>63105someone linked that to me a few minutes later
I read a bit and feel kinda worse now
how the hell am I gonna go to sleep comfy tonight
and it's already late too
No. 63245
> have a boyfriend in 11th grade, during one of the deepest parts of my depression
>he senses I'm not well, proposes we take a break
>I interpret that as him hating me because I wasn't happy
>we break up
>I date new guy as a rebound (spoiler: he was a asswipe)
>he thinks I cheated on him with rebound
>a few years later we get to talking again, sort out all of our spaghetti
>he asked me to go out with him again
>I say no because I was in a LDR (spoiler: this one was crazy)
>he accepts it and we talk off and on, as we're both busy
>fast forward to September 2015
>we sleep together
>we talk everyday
>we both talk about how shit our exes where
>I consider dating him
>November 2015, hw has a gf
>he's telling me she's emotionally absuive
>he cheats on her with some other bitch
> keep in mind, I've liked this dude for a while, but I didn't let myself fall for him because idk, I've been depressed most of my life, and I felt betrayed from our breakup.
>anyway, they work it out
>get off phone with him, barely can contain my sadness because I asked him why he loved her
>she is (or was) the opposite of what I was. warm, caring, she made him feel loved
man. life's a bitch.
No. 63255
File: 1453701327979.jpg (425.8 KB, 800x3000, wd4XiOd[1].jpg)
>>63252>didn't even click the linklmao
No. 63275
>>63245>emotionally abusive>warm, caring, she made him feel lovedNah, she's still a bitch, he just can't leave her because she's manipulating him.
Stay around if you really want to date him. It'll make a world of difference (in your favor) when they break up.
No. 63355
I'm pretty sure I'm ready to kill myself. I already want to die, because no matter how hard I work or try I still just keep getting fucked over by every one and every thing in every aspect of my life. I have no friends, my job is shit, I'm 23 and I work part time at a Subway where I get treated like dogshit for minimum wage because that's the best job I could find in short notice when I moved here. Problem is since I got that job, I keep getting turned down for literally every other job I apply for because I have "too much" experience in customer service/retail, I went to a work source office that said they can't help me because I'm not a felon, don't have kids, and "make too much money" (I'm lucky to get 30 hours a week). Also I make too much money to get financial aid to go back to school (again, part time minimum wage, also no car and I'm renting a spare bedroom under the table from some stoners because I also don't qualify for low income housing.) I'm drowning in my bills and making almost no money and nobody can help me. I have shitty obamacare insurance that nobody takes so my thyroid issue is out of control, my hair is falling out and my skin is fucked and my moods are hella unstable. I'm seeing a shitty state therapist because I called 911 a couple months ago and vented to them, but I'm about to be dismissed because he "doesn't think he can help me" despite telling him I want to die, have attempted suicide twice in the past, I get blackout drunk almost every night and cut myself pretty regularly.
At this point I honestly believe my only purpose in life is to suffer, that I can't die to escape it and that I live in some horrible purgatory where nothing that works for other people works for me no matter what I do. I want out, goddamn it I want out.
No. 63384
here's my gay story
>give up on trying to be happy in life due to increasingly painful failures with other humans
>attempt suicide last summer after the only person I've felt a real connection with and felt life and happiness in my body with since childhood nat 20s a backstab at a 6x multiplier and leaves randomly without explanation
>wake up from suicide attempt (injected anti-tussive liquid from pills into veins, nearly as fatal as a gunshot, pill will effectively kill children and medium-sized animals in as little 1 dosage)
>girl I let live with me was very sad and at a terrible time in her life
>known girl for over 2 years, same friends, same group
>she once bought 40 people in-n-out
>always thought she was a nice lady
>help girl
>general friendship experience
>we sat in each others arms in my bedroom on a rainy evening and shared some of the most personal aspects of each others lives, while crying
>I swore off crying near anyone, for any reason, ever
>watched friends leave, people and family die in front of me
>seen two of my cats dead in the street, watched dog slowly die of alzheimers and doggy brain degeneration
>been screamed at, beaten the shit out of for not emoting during very serious and emotional times
>had absolutely no choice in the matter, hearing her life story was so fucking disgustingly pityable I could not keep my emotions in check, I cannot even repeat it on any *chan, it's worse than the doujin/raped 400 times story that was posted earlier in this thread
>I would not write this on the blackest pages of history
>I have been using 4chan for over 9 years
>I've seen videos of children being raped, murdered and dismembered
>thanks darknet
>universally seen as a robot by other people, because being emotionally invested in others is a waste unless they're incapable of harm
>surprise, no one is incapable of harm
>
>start to think im in purgatory
>have constant night terrors and sleep paralysis
>being tortured and killed by shadows, sitting paralyzed through extreme, ground shattering earthquakes
>try to live completely alone
>need money for a farm to live alone
>cleared bank account and gave away shit before I was supposed to die
>start talking to few people I've never really connected with
>meet girl who fills me up with promises, "I'll never leave you alone, I'll be here for you, I'll make time, I promise, I care"
>spoiler: she doesn't
>decide that was the last straw
>new years
>try to sleep through the entire day, knowing I'm going to hate every waking moment of 2016
>decide to end it
>I will myself to die while having lucid dream
>world fades to black
>I can feel my soul being ripped from my entire body, it feels like everything beneath my skin is being torn and dragged into the floor while I'm in an 4.5 earthquake and the world around me is shaking violently and the earth is shattering and shaking
>see what can only be described as cross between a dementor and a blackened, foggy skeleton standing over me, hand hovering over my body
>I'm atheist
>slowly lose consciousness
>as I'm about to fade completely, something snaps in me I have no control of and didn't choose
>start screaming into the void with every shred of power I have, body feels like it's on fire
>"I WILL NOT DIE"
>"I REFUSE"
No. 63448
>>63404>pack shit, go to con>get bored of friends because they're extremely limited in interests outside of "asuna's pussy, love live, persona and merch", they are not social at all>I've spent the better part of my life developing myself as broad and experienced a person as humanly possible. "Renaissance man" should never have died. Success should come from every aspect that life has to offer, and I cannot feel a deep connection to anyone because of this. >it's a smaller con, so it should be more fun and easy to talk to people>thoughts and attitude are atrocious, but keep trying>people should be able to meet and talk to each other at cons instead of going with a pre-selected group and ignoring everyone else>also need to fix myself and find if I can actually function in human society and achieve a happy life with other people, especially females.>am pretty sure men and women are incapable of being friends or feeling actual love between each other>I've never seen a man who genuinely and wholly cared for another female before, either>think women are incapable of caring about men beyond seeing them as emotional sponges, something to 'fix' and then tire of, or status accessories they can brag about and compare with other women>women are only loyal to the best thing they can find>I'm sorry this sounds massively insecure but a person can take only so much emotional abuse and bad experiences before they start generalizing and act like a dipshit>I am in no way saying this is a one-sided issue, men are some of the worst offenders in this shit>despite all this, have a burning drive for actual human interaction>decide to stop pretending to be an asshole to attract other people and be good-natured but still interesting and funny and charming, blah blah blah>I'm pretty sure I'm a psychopath at this point so that last part should be fucking easy>network and talk to people, going kinda okay>no real social interaction, still emotional walls and social norm bs>approaching random people is painful and ineffective>friends aren't really someone I can connect to on a deeper level>finally find places where people can meet as a group and talk to each other>goes phenomenally>having fun, charm is pouring out of my mouth, humor is plentiful, jokes are shared, smiles all around, conversation is flowing like water and making people late for their plans>cute girl sits down near group>intelligent, but shy>in amazing dress/cosplay>try to include her in group conversation>people slowly leave until it's just her and me No. 63454
File: 1453719884166.jpg (103.35 KB, 1920x1080, serveimage.jpg)
Take away it's budget and this will be an extremely, extremely mediocre show. I fucking hate how little creative merit this show has yet how both critics and casual audiences praise it to death.
No. 63476
>>63465He let me move in with him, so that's a start. He genuinely cares and goes an extra mile. I know what you mean, and I'm not taking it the wrong way.
We sit down and talk to each other if something is bothering us, if wants to know something, I'll answer truthfully, 100%, and I ask him something, I know he'll answer 100% with me. Even so, I hang out with his friends and family, since all of us have the same interests, so if something happened, I would know. He did tell me that he was a little bothered, but I reassured him. My ex and I haven't talked in about 9 months.
My ex was a fucking edgelord and dipshit. It took years, but I'm finally realizing that I deserve much more and he was a piece of shit. Sorry for writing a novel, I've been really on edge for the past few months, and I've had no one to talk to about this.
No. 63488
>>63448(if anyone wants to comment on anything that went wrong/right please do, especially female, I'm here for criticism not just whining)
(this is the meat of the story)
>she invites me to sit>start talking to her>pepe is drawn on markerboard on the wall with tits and protruding nipples>decided to leave 4chan for healthier environments (sorry farmers)>"who drew the frog">she tells me it's pepe>>normies know what pepe is?>>>she gets my dumb internet jokes, fuck yeah>start basic chit-chat>she's an artist, drew a lot on the markerboard previously>she drew muscle bara, which is my favorite and only male body I'm attracted to (I found out I was bisexual some time during isolation and night terrors)>ask her to draw more hot gay men>she's fucking good at it>cant draw hands>erases in that cute shy way>playfully tease her>I can only draw eyes>she uses 4chan casually, is involved in trollbaiting on tumblr and the like>did the habbo hotel raid or whatever>I don't care, to me that's hot>I'm currently banned for a year for shitposting a thread on /v/ into oblivion by samefagging and posting a dude eating out a chicken's asshole and being 78 out of 120 posts and being one of 26 people in the thread>I've trolled entire communities into oblivion and gotten death threats and doxxed before >share stories of times we've screwed with people on the internet>she's good, clever>she laughs, I laugh>realize I really enjoy this person, she gets me in ways no one else does>keep talking for a few hours>"are you here alone?">"yeah, I needed to get out and decided today would be fun>>amazing cosplay >attractive female >good personality >alone>>>>does not compute>keep talking>enjoying every second of it, she's still a little shy>people are returning to the group for pictures and group stuff>start chatting them up>"you have a lot of charisma">fuck yeah she's not hating me secretly>can't ever tell with shy girls>group overwhelms us, go to a hallway to sit and keep talking, she agrees(advice please farmers I'm really dumb)
No. 63523
>>63519Yeah you're right. It sucks, because I want a message back, and I'll be freaking out if it's been over a day since communication. but if i do get one and its not 'up to standard' I scrutinize it forever. like i can't win? and my sleep is already messing up big time.
Fuck bipolar fuck boys all i need is wine.
No. 63526
>>63488(I'm putting detail so if anyone is helping they can help dissect what went wrong. I have no more female friends because they either fall in love with me and aren't dating material or they get boyfriends and never talk to me unless they're single. I don't have anyone I can get a female opinion from and I think this is the best place)
4-6pm
>sit down at hallway>keep chatting>con's been going for a while>she says she likes psychology>I tell her I study it and it's one of my passions>DING DING DING>start to think I'm being punked>there's no way I'm actually meeting someone this amazing… did my friends set this up to try to cheer me up?>I haven't even met men who like all the same shit I do>I've met hundreds of people, party, rave, drink, have close-knit friends and have slept with 20 or so women so I'm not a completely inept sperg>openly ask if I'm being punked>check my phone, look around for cameras/people>no texts, nothing>excerpts from convo:>her: "so I know everyone 'reads', but do you like actually sit and read books?">"no, not really. I haven't really read anything I've seriously liked enough to enjoy the medium.(I've only read hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and a handful of other books) >I see books more as a source of learning and information than entertainment. If I'm reading something it's because it's going to better my life or develop a skill, I read informational books and self-improvement and books on subjects like psychology, life, biology, medicine, anatomy, business, college textbooks, scientific studies, things like that. I'm more well-versed than well-read." >The greatest people on earth have struggled and strived to succeed and were substantial and benevolent enough to write down everything they learned to teach other people, and it's a shame to let that go to waste>doesn't react much, wasn't really paying attention>"what do you read?">"gothic horror, mostly">no idea what that is>conversation continues>we're bantering back and forth, I'm not really making her laugh out loud but she's extremely shy and I haven't gotten to complete comfort, I'm a little more caustic with humor than she is>I'm doing the tumblr-esque "excuse me but I identify as.." joke>she responds by reciting the entire navy seals copypasta from memory>pretty sure I stared at her in awe>congratulate her and laugh>feel completely new emotion>feel my body go warm and fuzzy>shit am I feeling romantic attraction?>she kinda looks away at some of my jokes/things I've said. I have an jokingly smug sense of humor sometimes>"some of the jokes and things you said were a little blunt, kinda offensive, not in the bad way but they seem kinda bad, like if I didn't know you it would sound kinda weird">I'm known for that>thanks 4chan>apologize>wow I'm meeting someone who actually improves how I act with people and think, this is perfect, I haven't met someone who's expanded and challenged me in a likable way in a long time, this girl just keeps getting better>fuck, I'd be happy just to be this girls friend, I don't care if I never date this girl, even if I'm feeling genuine human attraction for in the first time in my life>keep talking, gets deeper and more personal, very little silence>holy fuck am I meeting my other half?>is this what people talk about?>she hasn't said a single thing I didn't completely enjoy about her>she's in high heels so her feet are dying>offer to carry her, she declines politely>I'm fit and muscular, most women find me attractive. assume it's because she's in cosplay>she lifts her dress and shows me she's wearing some capri-like pants underneath>okay decent sign, haven't fucked anything up6-8:30pm
>walk around the con>go to random panels, stuff like that>she has to walk some of it barefoot, I'm torn between having nothing to do and making her suffer>outside the con, see library>she wants to go in>spending time in a library with her sounds fucking perfect, I love being alone and quiet, personal and intelligent conversation and she's perfect for that>it's closed, late by 10 minutes>alternate between sitting and milling about>ask her if she wants to see anything, tell her I plan on going to the dance/rave and masquerade, only two things left on saturday that are special aside from karaoke
>I'm not leading the situation and I feel like this is part of my problem, like I wasn't entertaining enough for her
>masquerade is filled 15 minutes before it's even scheduled to start, can't get in>she doesn't want to go to the dance/rave, she's kinda private/introverted, sucks because I love the music and can dance decently well, I'm always fun at these things and bring a lot of life to the party, I rave somewhat often>sit in at karaoke, not a whole lot of conversation, she's still kinda shy/closed off and I'm not enthralling her enough>tell her she can go about and talk to other people, we've been talking for the entire day>she kinda just says no and we keep things up, I'm starting to hate myself for not being able to entertain her enough, she has to stop walking and rest so much and won't let her carry me>see local band playing video game/anime music, instrumental and pretty good, enough to catch my attention. sit and listen for some time since the other two options were a bust>raffle is going on for prizes>win>nothing I can give her that she'd like, decide to get dark souls that I've wanted forever but can't play because I don't own a ps3>"there was nothing there I could get for you so I just picked this">cant remember reaction, not anything substantial>she's really quiet in groups, kinda makes things awkward No. 63534
>>635269-10:30pm
>local band finishes, walk around a bit more>she runs into some of her friends, only like one of them says hi>chat up the group, make some of them laugh, they don't really seem to pay any attention to her outside of pleasantries>no one seems to…>went okay in my opinion despite that>she isn't talking much, they all seem really tumblr-y, bit younger than I am>it's dark out>ask to sit down and talk a bit more in private>we leave the group, sit and chat>we start to flirt and get a little bit more physical>she gives me doe-eyes a bit>"I'm really glad I ran into you, that I've been wanting this from a con for a long time, just to meet like one real, down to earth human being. You're really cool">she thanks me and says she's glad she met me and that I'm a cool guy too>whew>her arms are full with stuffed animals and merch she bought>offer to carry it for her since I kinda feel like a dick for being able to help her>she declines, "I dont want to make you my luggage boy/carry shit around for me" something to that effect>hnnng>my heart>grab one of her things and do it anyway>tell her I dont want to pressure her into anything, just want to have private, meaningful conversation
>walk around a bit more, finally sit down at a less-trafficked hallway, there's no where really private to go and she's too tired to walk anymore, I feel fucking disgusted with myself for being able to fix this>start to get more personal/physical>do that stupid hand comparison thing, her hands are fucking adorable tiny and I have giant 8" long hands>her hands are extremely warm and mine are always freezing, it's winter>she gives me a hand massage without me asking>okay whew holy fuck I'm so confused with this girl, can't tell if she's being nice and too awkward to say no or is actually into me and is struggling >she is completely losing her spaghetti>getting more and more personal>find out she's 16, I'm 19, am kinda disgusted with myself but it's legal and I'm thinking she might be my other half or some gay shit>I'd wait 5 years to date her, I literally just want to /know/ her No. 63535
>>63534before leaving
>"so why are you here alone?" I say>response: "I kinda deleted my facebook, disappeared from society for 3 months, no one even noticed. I had a really bad ex, I get panic attacks when I go out or do things, like really bad" she looks down and grimaces kinda painfully>"some of the things you've done reminded me of him slightly, like in your behavior", she can't quite say what
>crying naked child from nagasaki running from the explosion flashes in my head>I feel like I've been abusing a puppy
>"oh sorry, I'll try not to do that, I really like you">tells me more about said ex, "guy was a huge asshole, he kinda killed my self-esteem, always made fun of me, my body, etc.">"all my friends knew he was a huge dick and no one told me or did anything about it, he really hurt me">compliment her, point out how many people have been dogging her for pictures, her cosplay honestly looks amazing. I never compliment women on principle. This is the most positive things I've said about a women's looks, ever. She's like 7/10 in reality but holy shit datpersonality. I try not to focus on looks whatsoever when dating/etc.>I went through almost literally the exact same thing, she's basically repeating my same story (which is why I included it, I went turtle-mode for 8 months)>tell her about the last girl I met (previous post)>we kinda connect about it, realize she kinda looks like the girl that fucked me over>coincidences are getting weirder, start to think this is purgatory and I'm being tested. (I've been her ex to someone before and realized and grown from it, hate myself for it)>I go into detail a bit, not gushing, but still having an emotional, real connection. we're both being vulnerable>she mentions she kinda only stuck with him because she was alone (red-flag)>she's dropping spaghetti harder and harder>mention the "wake me up inside song", am giving her life advice and mention how broken people break others, the cycle of abuse and how bad people screw themselves over in the long run, relating her relationship to the song>jokingly start singing it to her>she sings back, has an amazing voice>we sing the gay emo kid song together, people notice>our eyes meet>I'm starting to fall for her a bit>we're holding hands at this point, she's so warm>when I tell her she looks like the girl from my sob story, she takes off her wig>this almost floors me>I've done ridiculous things with women, broken walls that should never have been broken, watched someone get crisis teams called on them because I accidentally ignored them, talked people out of suicide, had ridiculous sex, ducttaped women to walls while another was showering then came back and took selfies with my mother in the room, bedded 4 women at the same time at a convention, made out with 7 different women in a night, been a well known manwhore, had 9hr conversations, but this>holy shit this>what even is this
>her hair is fucked the hell up, short and boyish, but I've got rose glasses on>cant stop complimenting her the entire time>she shows me picture on her phone of her with short hair, she looks like a dude but idc, marry me already bitch I plan on getting fabulously wealthy>okay she's definitely into me>ask if she's wearing makeup, notice she has freckles that are really faint (they look adorable)>she says yes, starts rubbing off her makeup>she was wearing sealer>licks her hand and starts rubbing off one side of her face in public, next to me with fucked up hair and no wig in cosplay at a convention that everyone is starting to leave and people are taking pictures around her>I'm starting to scare myself with how this is going>her too>"I feel like I've known you.">"I'm glad I met you.", both her words>spaghetti is flooding from her mouth at speeds imperceptible to human cognition>she's stuttering>she gets verbal diarrhea>talks way to much>apologizes for talking so much>apologizes for apologizing>apologizes for apologizing about apologizing>I'm having a heart attack from how goddamn cute this is>this is incredible>starting to feel alive, but fearful I'm never going to see her again
>conversation dies down with how much spaghetti is coming out of her mouth>she's been texting someone paragraphs for most of this part of the night, kinda suspicious>not sure if boyfriend, mother, or ride. kinda red-flag>ask how she's getting home and when she's leaving>"oh I live around here, I just have a friend, we both do favors for each other">friend of hers walks by, recent graduate from high school>she mentions how she never talked to her until after she left, isn't really a friend>offers her to sit and chat, not sure if she wants me to leave or she's being nice, I kinda subtly reject it and she goes on>my friend group walks by, she encourages me to go with them>I decline, saying I'll meet them later and that I want to be here>can't tell if being nice or wants me to leave>ask, she says she just thinks I should be with my friends, not rejecting me and that she's usually alone at this time and is kinda getting anti-social>we stay and chat for a little bit as the night ends>gets kinda quiet as she has thoroughly filled the food orders of every italian restaurant in the 6 mile radius for the next 4 months>asks me if I have a tumblr (??????)>I don't have one>tell her to facebook me or something, she doesn't have one>she asks for my number instead>leans over, shows me her typing it into her phone>my phone is (XXX) XXX-2555, kinda looks like a fake number to some people, plus I use a burner phone because I've trolled the wrong people, it's a cheap-ass pay-as-you-go phone, $12>yes, I know that isn't attractive>she types the entire number, repeats the last 4 digits while typing it, have to correct her, I think I see her missing the last number>not sure how someone can have a number with more than 7 digits in it, but she's drowning in pasta at this point in the night so I assume she's not dumb>can't really tell if she didn't want it or is just awkward>leave out the door, carry one of her things>hold her hand as we walk back>do that gay 'gently-rubbing-your-hand-with-my-thumb'-thing that people love, one of those little things that show someone cares>she does it back>fuck yes>warm hands>she walks over to the parking lot>ask to say goodbye outside of public view>zero tact, nice job me, do it anyways because I kinda feel like I'm forced to even if it's awkward/a mistake>she leans in to hug me>I kiss her>cheek>pretty sure I just ruined everything with the first girl I've met I've actually cared for>grabs my face, pulls me in and kisses my cheek back, says goodbye>>>>>3 days later, con is over>no textIt's been a week and nothing. I'm not sure, did I fuck it up or is it just a missed connection? I've been losing sleep over this. It's been almost 20 years and I've only met one person I've seriously felt a connection to on such a deep level. I've been trying to find her just to understand how she feels/what happened and apologize for the awkwardness. Should I just give up?
What do you farmers think?
No. 63549
File: 1453734037732.jpg (Spoiler Image,38.67 KB, 480x640, laurensandiego.jpg)
>>63547okay holy shit I was expecting to get a brand new asshole torn. I feel like an absolute creep right now because I cant honestly tell if she's hilariously into me and I'm intimidating her to death like I have before or I'm an old creepy fuck or she's just using me as an emotional sponge or something.
I have no way of contacting her. I didn't get her number since she asked for mine. my cell didn't have service at the con. She told me her name was "Lore" when I first talked to her, then she said it was actually Laura or Lauren Craft/Kraft or something along those lines. I don't know what to make of it.
I can't find anything from the con fb page, her name gives no results, I only know the city she lives in, what she looks like, and what she told me her name is. I've made a tumblr with my name, picture and shit, searched all the tags, talked to other people, even found someone that looked almost exactly like her and went to the con, but it was not a match at least by their words. This girl is a fucking ghost.
I always make the first move but I feel like I'm going to give her a heart attack or creep her out if I just find her but at the same time I feel like she'd know this website or one of you farmers would meet her by some chance. I dunno. I have a reputation of being a sleezeball/chad/heartbreaker/manwhore because i've been meeting all the wrong people and if I fuck this up I don't think I'm going to ever forgive myself.
No. 63591
>>63590I'm the same actually and growing up everybody believed I might be autistic or have ASPD.
I have 4 sister and I know that when one of them dies I'm going to have to try exceptionally hard to feign sadness.
I don't think either of us are autistic, in my case I'm emotionally detached due to repeated childhood traumas. If you're anything like me it's likely that you detach yourself from your emotions to protect yourself.
No. 63704
File: 1453774936938.jpg (80.78 KB, 593x539, File70.jpg)
>tfw afraid to cut myself now b/c the pill makes deadly blood clots more likely
No. 63728
>>63704Uh, the deadly blood clots form deep within arteries and vital veins Anon, you're not going to get a deadly blood clot on the surface of your skin.
Stop ruining your skin anyway don't you want to preserve your beauty? Just so what I do and find other methods of self harm that are aesthetically beneficial, like plucking out each one of your armpit out pubic hairs with tweezers.
No. 63750
>>63740Even if it didn't dissolve the way it should a surface vein clot is NOT going to kill you.
Unless you're planning on flaying open your thighs and slashing your arteries I would not be concerned. Use your head Anon this is basic physiology.
No. 63859
>>63740Ever tried punching yourself? Not in the face, of course, but it's how I stopped cutting
because I had to, I'd only cut in a very specific place that's very discreet and it eventually ran out of space; cutting on top of scar tissue on top of scar tissue (ad infinitum) eventually gets nasty.
The bruises look pretty qt, too… if you're into that sort of thing.
No. 63875
>>63006Jesus. So this guys' response to being blocked was to stop by my house yesterday, blow up my phone while we were at school, and demand I bring my bf out alone. The language he used was scary, like "you MADE me do it, I had no CHOICE but to go to your house". He kept insisting everything my bf did was my fault and that I ruined him, as if he had no will of his own. I kept telling him to stop, but of course he wouldn't. I had a panic attack at school, but was able to calm down once I blocked him and reached out to my closest friends about the situation. Apparently he's been dragging us on social media, but honestly, that doesn't matter. What DOES matter is that he might go to my house again, or try tracking my bf down at school or something. He's already started sending anon asks to my bf's tumblr. If I ever see him on my property, I'll call the cops, but I'm afraid I'll panic and fuck it up somehow. This is just some fucking bullshit. I just want to focus on school, and I'll be damned if I let this guy get the best of me.
No. 63878
I've lost my motivation. I worked hard labour shifts in the lead up to Christmas, and once it was over, I could choose when to go back to my usual job. I just didn't. I live in my parents house (sleeping on the couch, was supposed to be a very temporary situation but now here for 7 months at 24 years old, anyway) and pay no rent. I spend that hard earned money on things for me, or for the house to keep my parents quiet, there's no pressure for me to go back to work, and I don't want to, so why would I?
So the film festival I look forward to every year, I go through every film and highlight the ones I want to see, and I tried to volunteer last year, didn't get past the application. So this year I set my mind to it, applied, got the interview!
OK, so there were about 200 applying for 70 positions, but of those, how many would turn up? And of those, how many will actually be competent? And of those, how many have a proper passion for film like I do? I was hyped, bought a new top so I'd look semi professional, and gave it my all, and I thought it was a near sure thing.
We were supposed to hear back sometime yesterday by email. I was checking every 15 minutes. Nothing. Not in junk, nowhere. So I guess I'm not in.
Now not only is my only motivation gone, but it's sort of ruined the film festival too.
No. 63881
>>63552I'm not sure she really has any close friends, or at least any that know me. We live two cities away and she's in a different age group.
I dunno I'm not even concerned about it anymore, if she finds me she finds me. thanks anyways though, farmer
No. 63882
>>63878job apps are huge motivation ruiners
focus on the passion, not the outcome. you aren't going to get hired by many, many places. just keep trying and remember to network the people who own you.
also, call back. always call.
No. 63887
>>63882I CALLED BACK AND I GOT IN I JUST DIDN'T GET THE EMAIL SHE'S RESENDING IT.
THANK YOU ANON, SERIOUSLY.
No. 64376
>>63887farmer, please.
you have to call and keep in touch about EVERYTHING. that's the game.
employers are testing you for effort put into things. They're looking at actions, not words. You'll probably get the job you just need to show that you want it to them, that's how they weed out the 70+ people.
No. 64838
>>64837I said attempted, disregard that, he actually DID touch my vagina.
I was too drunk to punch him and I hate myself for it. Ugly piece of shit.
No. 64868
>>64838>>64837You were assaulted and it's normal that you feel this way anon.
I have no solutions, just take your time with this. Your feelings come first.
No. 65114
>>64838You got sexually assaulted by a disgusting creepy and it's not your fault so you should try your best not to blame and/or hurt yourself.
Do you have anyone you can talk to? A therapist can really help in situations like this because victims of sexual attacks have a lot of complicated feelings.
Hope stuff gets better, anon.
No. 66106
File: 1454617346084.gif (837.32 KB, 245x184, 169670tumblrinlinemootknpKwm1q…)
I don't actually hate my friends but sometimes I want to slap the shit out of them holy shit:
>I go to almost all our classes in college and whenever my friends are too lazy to go to class, even though they all live right next to our university, I send them my super detailed notes
>when I can't go to classes because of public transit on strike or when I'm sick and I ask them what happened in class and what are the next assignments to do they say they "didn't listen because it was boring lmao"
>they give me the instructions to follow for said assignments literally the day before in a "nobody told you?" way
>even though I asked them
This shit happened several times already and I only had bad grades because of this shit. Now even when I should spend the day sleeping at home I go to college, I don't give a fuck if I contaminate someone. They're pretty inconsiderate sometimes, too:
>say something kind of important on skype
>one of them answers "xDD"
Or worst of them:
>I have to see a relative in the hospital because she has to follow a heavy treatment for her chronic illness, and it's hereditary so I could very well have that chronic illness that could ruin almost every aspect of my life (the kind of shit that deforms your body over time in a very painful way, which makes you unable to have a job or live alone, and which treatments have side effects that are just as dangerous)
>I mention it vaguely to my friends to tell them why I'm not available that one afternoon, they don't give a shit
>I'm polite about it, I don't cry all the time or whatever
>one of my friends' relative became intolerant to gluten or something and has to follow a strict diet, but that aside they're ok, they can still work and do normal things, they can't go to the restaurant anymore though and maybe use some products
>said friend goes all "waaah my life is meaningless, my relative is suffering, they studied at college for nothing because they have to get another job because of her new illness(?), I had to accompany to the hospital once waaaaa I'm so depressed, don't pay any attention to me complaining though" irl, on skype and on all her social media accounts
>I try to console her and support her, she tries to make me understand that I'll never understand her feelings anyway because she's so special
>other friends keep trying to cheer her on, she still tries to bring that up all the time
>in law class, the lecturer talks about law applied to salaries who take a sick leave, she won't stop talking about how that's so sad because her relative is going through all that in details, loudly and in the middle of the room, while the lecturer is talking
She can fuck off, she's so damn immature. The more time passes, the more I treat my friends like acquaintances instead. It's convenient to have people to talk to in college for a bunch of reasons, especially because we have the same hobbies and tastes, but I'm so mad since she said that. I'll just ignore them once we finish college and get a job, can't wait for it to happen. A bunch of other things happened too, not as bad, but I remember my fujo friend yelling in the middle of a restaurant about how she wanted her favorite character of a manga to suck each others' dicks and that the manga was too heteronormative, they were kids right next to us jfc.
No. 66114
>>66106Sorry you have shitty, unreliable friends, anon.
>I remember my fujo friend yelling in the middle of a restaurant about how she wanted her favorite character of a manga to suck each others' dicks and that the manga was too heteronormative, they were kids right next to us jfc.So much cringe.
No. 66147
>>63275;-; I'll try my best. I just, he said she was nice before he cheated, but he also said she was up to some shit too, which is why they broke up the first time.
I just, idk. I feel like I should just leave it alone but fuuuuck
No. 66149
File: 1454626801380.png (153.89 KB, 253x395, 1440216619939.png)
I'm really tired of always being put on the back burner to look after everyone else.
It took a lot of courage for me to tell my SO that I was scared I was going to relapse this weekend. They gave me some generic advice, got frustrated with me because I wasn't being logical enough, and has spent the whole evening playing video games. They haven't even asked me how I'm doing since I told them this morning. I guess I'm just supposed to deal with it because they have depression too.
For once, I really wish it could just be about me. Sometimes, I think I could be diagnosed with cancer and still be expected to break my back to make sure everyone else is taken care of. If I blew my face off, would they miss me or miss the shit I do for them?
Sorry, just in a bad place at the moment.
No. 66227
>>66149people will treat you how you let them treat you
remember that and live your life by it. Go fus ro dah on their ass. Stop giving a fuck.
No. 66270
>>66149 Anon this
>>66227 is basically it. I get extremely undervalued and taken for granted even though I basically break my back rearranging my schedule and important work deadlines for people. But god fucking forbid it if I need to actually do something important for work or just take some time for myself. Don't be like me anon. Stand up for yourself and let them know that you need some goddamn support.
No. 67156
>>67066I'm sorry but you just sound lazy. I didn't have any idea how to program but went to IT because I felt it would be the safest bet in the job market and it took me only a few years to learn enough to do it professionally. Not enough to earn the big salary, but I'll gain more experience every day. Nobody goes from 0 to 100 in just one semester, anon.
And the student numbers are going up, yes, but a lot of people like you drop out due to thinking that it's way too much work to learn anything IT related. Only like 20% of my class made it to graduation.
No. 67990
>>67454I used to work at an Asian ethnic community non-profit (protip: DON'T DO THAT SHIT), and while single Asian mothers are a thing, they are overall extremely rare. The nuclear family is still strong across Asian communities in the US.
Whenever we did see a single mom, she was either divorced and got custody of the kids, or she was an American-born hoodrat with no sense of filial piety.
No. 68069
>>68052Why are you still friends with this guy??? I used to be friends with a guy who talked about his dick nonstop and wouldn't stop sending porn. He'd get pissed off when my and my bf told him we didn't want to see his porn (and not listen), and wondered why we didn't want to talk about our sex life with him. It ended in a high school drama explosion of his own making.
Love yourself anon. You deserve better than this.
No. 68122
>>68097are you me anon? i don't even check my crush's FB or try to talk to him because i'm so scared he's dating someone (while I'm forever alone and doomed to pining after him for the rest of my life)
i don't have any real advice, just hope that knowing a kindred soul is out there might help you.
No. 68127
File: 1455041773058.jpg (287.07 KB, 1600x1200, Cheesee.jpg)
>>68122That was a really uninteresting post thanks for wasting my time
>>68097Thank god I stopped at the first paragraph
No. 68135
>>68122Thanks anon.
My crush almost never posts anything on facebook, but he's got a picture with another girl and he said they weren't dating but… I just try my best to ignore it and I just try to talk to him normally because he was a really cool friend to have. I unfollowed my rebound crush on facebook (even though he doesn't post a lot to begin with either- but the few posts hes posted recently are all about his new girlfriend)
No. 68145
>>68135That's the right thing to do, disconnect mentally and social media-wise.
I think it's feeling cheated, you know? Love is a zero sum game. She gets him, you don't. And you can't shake the feeling that if only you were prettier, smarter, or more successful, then you'd be the one he chases after.
No. 68150
>>68145Yeah, it really does suck. It feels bad to think that the girl who's in the picture with him isn't prettier than me, but it just ends up making me feel worse like I'm just not good enough at all.
I fell into the whole "force it all in your face until you're desensitized to it" habit, especially with my ex. It… sort of worked? I don't really know. I guess it's good that my crush doesn't post a lot to begin with but that one picture… ugh it just makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.
No. 68698
File: 1455143860322.jpg (68.86 KB, 300x300, 1401065653035.jpg)
>met this guy with a hot voice
>share a lot of kinks with him
>add him on social media
>see a shot of his arm
>he's fat and hairy
>mfw
FML. This is almost like false advertising.
No. 68762
File: 1455150741648.jpg (388.66 KB, 1280x1556, skellyrocker.jpg)
>hot guy asks me out
>he's dumb as a brick
>smart guy asks me out
>he's fugly
No. 68836
File: 1455161095282.png (230.85 KB, 306x366, baf.png)
>admire attractive guy friend from afar for years
>recently decide to get over insecurities and ask if he wants to bang
>says yes, reveals he's found me attractive for a long time
>fuck yes
>we bang and it's goddamn amazing
>we both learn not long after a mutual friend has the hots for me and is unhappy about me talking to/banging attractive friend
>attractive friend decides to put things on hold until awkward feelings between him and other friend go away
>grow resentful of other friend for "ruining" things even though he never demanded it to stop, attractive friend is just being considerate
>more than two months later and still haven't heard from attractive friend
>mfw I doubt we'll be banging again and it's all other friend's fault
I'm bitter as fuck.
No. 68856
File: 1455162391272.jpg (303.51 KB, 960x1280, 1453205021976.jpg)
I wish I could be an oblivous obnoxious weeb again! To have as little self-awareness as mostflogged or drunkroxy looks so fun
No. 68898
>>68888I wish someone would do that for me.
I dated a naaaasty (in a good way) guy who was kind of obsessed with my ass. Anal, spanking, fingering, rimming, everything. I miss it. :(
No. 69605
>>68874Why do women do this?
Last person I'll ever date is a friend's ex. It causes unnecessary bro drama
You could have saved yourself some trouble by wearing a sign saying:
"Mr. crush, please never date me EVER."
No. 69851
>>67171how so
cause it did happen
No. 70440
>>70439This reminded me I've spent virtually every relationship I've been in missing gf's anniversaries, birthdays etc.
I feel like shit now.
No. 70447
>>70439It's definitely not asking for too much for him to message you, especially today.
Message him though
No. 70634
>>70452wait until "valentines day" is out of people's minds
always go for it, you either learn from the situation or get a new boyfriend
No. 70637
>>70485ask them
people respect honesty and communication
No. 70644
>>70641Not really. My body is some weird mixture of masculine and feminine I don't even know how to describe. I'm liking how my body is looking, though!
also
tfw ass pimples because sweat
No. 70764
>>70676You browse the farms, and he browses theredpill
You're a match made in hell. Congratulations.
No. 70808
>>70676Omg this sounds awful but I have no advice. He's a goner.
Part of their philosophy is thinking that women are literally teenagers who can't feel empathy so I'm sure his attitude will start to change rapidly.
No. 70856
>>70851Nah, he admitted to reading it and believing it. Then when I told him of he is aware most of the things they believe in is basically emotionally abusing and controlling behaviour. He replied with:"Oh, but I don't believe in the "immoral" part of TRP."
He claimed to me that he only believes in the "being fit and successful attracts women" part and I was like "bitch, that is common sense". I don't know how much I can trust him since TRP claims that lying to women is completely justified.
No. 71175
File: 1455651280883.jpeg (199.13 KB, 500x437, image.jpeg)
How do you cope with losing a friend you really want to keep?
I met a friend through a game last year and it started out with him attempting to troll me. I responded by adding him to my friends list and killing him with kindness. At first, the friendship was fantastic, and he helped me a lot to learn about the game we played. Eventually though, his constant berating of other people, and insults disguised as jokes towards me got on my last nerve. Commence a few months of no talking.
Then, he contacts me again and things are peachy until the same thing happens, but this time I spend days trying to appeal to his softer side, but he just got angry and I got really sad and he said he could not deal with it and to "present my case later."
I'm just really sad about all this. I feel like I've lost someone and like this person hates me.
No. 71234
>>71175 Don't keep him around, if he makes you feel sad and bad about yourself even after you clearly told him and he has you 'present a case' about his bad behaviour, there's no need to keep him around. He might have had his good sides, but it seems to me he has upset you more than been supportive.
I know it isn't easy to just cut people out, but having somone demean you isn't going to do you good in the long run. Cut him off and don't give him the opportunity to contact you. You seem really sweet, so you will find new friends, good ones.
No. 71447
File: 1455684937542.jpeg (31.25 KB, 275x275, image.jpeg)
>>71288>>71285>>71236>>71234>>71178anons, you're right…I guess I should just let it go and find more friends. I'm really gonna miss the good times we had though, I'll miss learning important lessons from him, but I won't miss being around the torrential hate storm in-game.
pic unrelated.
No. 71743
Alright, lolcow. I apologize if this is long and incoherent, but it's something that has bugged me for the past four months and I'm getting irritated at myself.
I developed a crush in November. I have somewhat low self esteem and I'm shy so nothing has developed past the occasional "excuse me". I mean, he knows a lot of pretty girls but he's single. And I'm like 20lbs overweight and have never had a guy like me before. This is difficult for me because I'm pretty much obsessed with him and just his presence makes me happy, but he probably doesn't feel the same way.
My crush and I are coworker's, he's a lower manager over a whole different department, but we bump into each other a lot. Whenever we work the same days, I feel all giddy and crap but I don't know if I'm actively looking for him or what. I see him more than the other associates in my area, so it's hard to believe that it's a coincidence or I'm possibly just now noticing him.
I strongly doubt that the crush is mutual. We have a mutual friend, so my bestfriend and I added him on Facebook as a whim and he accepted mine right away and I freaked out. The next day, we ran into each other while I was helping a customer and he gave me a face. He rarely likes anything I post but I'll sometimes like his posts. One day I'm convinced that he likes me back and the next I'm depressed because he probably doesn't.
I don't know what to do. I'm happy just staying in the shadows and stalking him. I won't have to deal with rejection this way. At the same time, I want him to like me back but the only way this will happen is if I talk to him, but I can't even look at him most of the time.
No. 72289
>>72285I think that's crossing the line.
Then again farmers did gang up on me and call me a pedo for thinking a 19 year old abuse-victim farmer sounded like a qt on here.
No. 72294
File: 1455932028450.png (32.57 KB, 1393x632, Age_of_Consent[1].png)
>>72289most of the women who shit on guys for liking younger women are jelly that they're aging/unattractive or were prudes in middle/high school with no real sexual and relationship experience and live through the person you're being a predator toward vicariously and project their own victimhood on them.
also you're not pedosexual for finding 16 year old girls attractive, that's literally the end of puberty for the vast majority of women. they're physically/sexually adult, you just have to make sure they're also mentally adult enough to match her body, and yourself.
but let's not pretend you're actually doing that since you're going for virgins and you're in your 30s.
No. 72295
>>72266>>72235There's a stupid meme account that spams /b/ tier stuff to lots of anime tags, even #stevenuniverse and #weeaboo. They post photos like kids with serious disabilities and stuff, but it's not quite enough to report them with because they don't actually insult them.
I can't figure out how to hide the user.
No. 72305
>>72285You're not a pedo, but you are pretty creepy.
I mean I'm 10 years younger than you and socially underdeveloped but I still can't imagine enjoying talking with a 16 year old or not being embarrassed by being with one. I can understand wanting to sleep one, but I mean all the high school shit they do (are you gonna go to prom with her?), it kind of makes them unattractive socially and even sexually to a degree.
But, a 16 year old is competent enough to decide if she wants to fuck a guy twice her age or not.
No. 72311
>>72305How is a 16 year old competent? She will probably regret this fuck for the rest of her life. Dont her parents count?! I dont think they want this, and they have the right to voice their opinion too.
In my future household no boyfriends, just because of pedoanon(s).
No. 72312
>>72311Well firstly, 16 is age of consent in over half of all US states and most of the developed world. Secondly I think a 16 year old is mentally capable of deciding if they want to have sex or not, they're not absolute children. When I was 16 I think I was capable of enough to decide if I wanted to have sex with someone or not and handling the repercussions if I did.
Obviously if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her to fuck some guy over twice her age, but she's not my daughter and it was her parents responsibility to have instilled in her values to not fuck men twice her age by this point. I'm not very sympathetic towards stupid people, if she wants to fuck her life up her life she can(though I don't know how much damage fucking this guy can do to her). I don't think it's that guy's responsibility to instill good values in her unless he wants to, if he doesn't feel morally obligated to reject her all he has to worry about is age of consent laws in his jurisdiction.
No. 72335
>>72317Just don't give out nudes so liberally. I was speaking to a femanon who used to do this the other day and she said she's dealing with a stalker now as a result of it, and that the stalker has been following her shit for years.
I'm a really big advocate of fathers being close with their daughters, being strong authority figures but also taking them out to do stuff.
No. 72343
>>72317What terrible things are you saying/doing that might get leaked? Lol jk
I think it's wise in any situation to consider the consequences of your words. Perhaps if leaked chats are at risk of damaging your streaming persona, either you might want to reevaluate how you are talking when in confidence or even if your persona is too unlike yourself. Could you instead go on actual dates? It's easy to save a Skype message but if you did somehow find someone crazy enough to record a conversation in a coffee shop, then someone like that would probably still make up shit about you even if it wasn't true.
As for nudes, don't send them. Employ the "could I confidently explain this to my grandmother or boss?" rule. Content can still be flirty without being risky, and anyone who doesn't accept that you have trust issues and prefer to keep things in person isn't worth your time.
No. 72344
>>72312>>72285Go read up on legal precedents in your county rather than trying to get an image board to excuse your sickness.
I'm the UK, whilst 16 is the age of consent, it's recognised that an imbalance of power can occur, and so in any case where such can be argued the age of consent is effectively 18 instead. This is usually used for teachers etc but I'm pretty sure that an age gap of 20 years counts as a significant power imbalance. In any case, possession of sexual images of anyone under 18 also places you on the sec offenders register.
We also have the romeo and juliet clause, which is used to allow kids within a year or two of the same age as each other to get away with breaking these laws because the law recognises that kids often have their own minds and as long sd there's no imbalance of power that's okay.
Ergo, in my country, you're a sick fuck. Go get help before you ruin a life.
No. 72346
>>72333Was he a literal retard?
I don't care what you think of your intelligence, but no way in hell were you guys on the same level. He probably had to simplify a lot to even have a conversation.
I'm 24, with a 16 year old brother and have to make conversation with 16,17 year olds often to pass the time (work), and even at my age I can't imagine seeing that 16 year old as a peer. Not in any way.
No. 72378
File: 1455991354201.jpg (354.03 KB, 869x951, orange.jpg)
I've always been a loner and kind of a shut-in so even when I have been in relationships, platonic or romantic, it's been difficult. I want to be around people, but I also want my alone time–a lot of alone time. I find it hard to get close to people, probably in part due to my past issues with getting too close and getting burned. I am so reserved with my feelings, it sometimes seems like I don't even like someone at all. I'm working on that last thing…
But man, I am so tired of being single. I never want to admit how tired I am of it out loud because of some complex about seeming emotionally weak, but being single is getting so old and I am getting older and older and lonelier and lonelier.
I've been completely single going on three years now, and even that relationship was not that serious, and the one before that was almost two years previous. I have talked to guys I met by chance but it fizzles out for some reason or another. A guy I really liked more or less told me about a week ago that it isn't going to happen after a few months. At the time, I had fooled myself into thinking that I didn't want a relationship that much anyway either which is why I was fine with our strictly-online communication. But honestly, it's the only thing missing in my life right now and the only thing I really want. My life isn't great. Nothing is perfect, don't get me wrong, but it would be nice to have someone to come home to or someone who actually gave a shit about me. And as much as I can clearly go years without sex, I want it sometimes.
Living life alone is completely shit. I thought I would be OK with it forever and this was just how it was meant to be.
I've tried putting myself out there in the past, but it's like I'm fishing in empty waters or if I do find someone, I get let down because I'm not what they wanted or they don't want a relationship or they aren't over their ex etc etc etc. It's an exhausting process and somewhat humiliating. I absolutely hate dating with a passion, and I hate drawing attention to myself and feeling like I need to justify what makes me a good girlfriend.
I know there are a bunch of threads where this could go. I'm not really looking for advice. I just wanted to vent about these specific frustrations.
No. 72528
>>72335>>72343I don't give out nudes or anything like that. I'm way too insecure with my body to do that. What I mean by "joke chats" is as simple as it sounds. Just making stupid dirty jokes and the skype calls were the same. Nothing that's been posted has really ruined my streaming persona, but it's scary when someone you've known for a long time posts it just because he thinks it's funny. I guess the shock of seeing something I thought was private posted up kind of jarred me a bit. And in the community I'm in, it's a common story to see girls having even their normal chats posted. It takes me a long time to get intimate anyway so it's not as if I'm trusting random people either.
I suppose I overreacted a bit when I vented so it made the situation sound way worse than it actually is. I apologize. Sorry about that I got a bit ahead of myself ;;
No. 72647
I live with my younger sister, and over the past year or so, she been constantly talking to herself.
I don't think there's anything wrong with her because she doesn't exhibit any other weird behavior, but her ceasless muttering to herself is really starting to get on my nerves. It'd be one thing if she was alone or if it was just minor expressions out loud. Most people will talk to themselves a bit every now and then, but that's not what she does. She seems to have full on conversations with herself, CONSTANTLY. She doesn't seem to care who's around either, which is what annoys me the most. She's always whispering to herself, laughing under her breath or out loud, exclaiming things, cursing, singing, etc.
-The other day I had a friend over and my sister was sitting at the dinner table 5ft away from us, eating food and whispering to herself under her breath. My friend gave me this terrified look and goes "wtf is happening? Is she talking to herself?" She was pretty weirded out, so I know it's not just me overreacting.
-My boyfriend was over last night and she was fucking muttering to herself and singing to herself for hours and hours, to the point where it was starting to piss us off.
-I'll wake up in the morning and hear her whispering, it's so incredibly creepy and makes me feel like I'm going a bit insane.
I don't understand why she can't just shut the fuck up when there's other people around. Is she posessed, is she retarded, is she crazy, is it normal? I would never talk to myself like that unless I was totally alone, and even then I still wouldn't because I don't need to vocalize my thoughts. It makes her seem like she's out of her mind and I don't think she realizes how off putting it is. Or maybe she does but doesn't care.
I can't remember if she's always done this and I'm just noticing it now, or if it's gotten to be more noicable over the past year or so. (I grew up with her, moved out on my own for a while, and have lived with her for the past 3 years after some family drama.)
I don't want to yell at her to stop because I've heard it's normal for some people to talk to themselves a lot, and I don't want to upet her. Apparently talking to yourself helps some people process things better, but goddammn if it isn't the most annoying and creepy thing to listen to. I think I'm going to bring it up to my mom and see what she says. It's seriously starting to drive me nuts, so I'll probably end up saying something soon.
Even now, she's sitting in the living room and fucking talking to herself. I can't wait to move into my own place.
No. 72655
>>72647Instead of sitting there being angry, why don't you just talk to her? Ask her how she is doing and lead into asking why she does it. It's silly to be angry over things that don't affect your life to a terrible extent.
Good luck anon.
No. 72661
>>72660God the admin here is incompetent and can't write heuristics for to save his life. And relies on cookies to try to keep bots out.
>>72657Not that anon but a little girl isnt going to develop dementia. She just wants people to think she is weird to get attention. She'll grow out of it in to something else when society ostracizes her.
No. 72677
File: 1456177232572.jpeg (29.18 KB, 262x275, image.jpeg)
I CANT FUCKING EAT ANYTHING.
it just keeps coming back up every time I try to force myself to eat anything. I'm all shaky, dizzy and light headed, and I've been this way for a good two weeks now since I became a NEET.
I've lost weight unintentionally and from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep, I'm incredibly nauseous for no apparent reason other than intense, crippling anxiety about my current state of pathetic.
someone please slap me with a fucking reality check. I've been handled with cotton gloves for so long.
No. 72685
>>72677Look, if you stared having these symptoms right after going NEET, then it is probably psychosomatic.
But you know this is above our pay grade. Talk to your doctor about the vomiting. Get a referral to a therapist to deal with your issues.
How long are you going to keep enduring this?
No. 72714
>>72697There are things you can do at home, while you're looking for jobs to start feeling productive.
My depression got kind of bad this winter, so I started giving myself little goals for the day to start feeling productive. Even if it was like "do a load of dishes", I'd check it off on this productivity app that I was using. I like video games and shit, so when I started seeing my little "completed goals" tally climbing, I was like "well I guess I'm not totally useless!" After a while I started to want to try to double my number of completed goals for the week. Like I was beating my own high score.
Sounds kind of lame, but it helps me to feel more productive.
No. 72759
>>72677Either grow the fuck up and get a job or contribute somehow to society or lay down and die like the waste of resources you're currently being. Fucking simple, anon.
You feel like shit because you're currently living like a useless lump of shit.
No. 72806
>>72787If you're not financially stable, moving in with a romantic partner is more than likely doomed. If you've never lived out of home before you both need to be able to manage living alone before you live together.
There's gonna be spats over housework and bills and groceries in the beginning as you learn to live together. If neither of you have your shot together emotionally or financially those fights could kill the relationship entirely.
If he wants to leave you for another girl just because you're not in a financial position to move out he wasn't worth getting a place with.
Are you working on being independent?
Do you know how to pay bills and budget and grocery shop? Can you keep a house clean? Can you do fix your fuse box if it blows or unblock a toilet?
If you can't do this sorta stuff I recommend learning it now before it matters as much. Make the big housekeeping mistakes when you're younger and at home and you don't fuck yourself as badly once you're an adult.
No. 72817
>>72815Can you fuck him without emotions?
If you can, fuck him. Hell maybe even degrade him a little.
If its gonna wake up some bad feels, just rub one out.
No. 72840
File: 1456230566625.gif (718.56 KB, 250x156, 1455653660408.gif)
>>54970>>56145(Update: I can't believe it but I actually got a job. It's just a temporary job and I still need to sign the contract and I'm kinda freaked out that in the end there will be some kind of problem and I don't get the job after all, but hey, I made it this far at least.)
I still have massive problems with my dad and it's just pissing me off more and more.
He is such a fucking ignorant ass sometimes, he never admits he made a mistake and he always makes me apologise for dumb shit that wasn't my fault in the first place.
For example, he blamed me for losing a very important letter. He got mad, and I turned the house upside down trying to find it, apologizing a million times that I seemingly lost it. I knew he was gonna lose his shit in case I lost that stupid letter, even though I was sure I haven't even touched it.
In the end we realised he had taken that letter with him a few days ago.
Did he apologize for it? Of course not, he yelled at me because he couldn't read whom the letter was from and that it was my fault because I didn't TELL him who it was from. Like I check his private letters. If I did that he would get mad again.
I'm sorry for this blog post but I just don't know what his problem his.
His girlfriend, who is super sweet and nice, assures me that I am everything to my dad, that he loves me more than anyone in the world and that he has trouble showing it, and that's why I feel bad for being so pissed off at him but I am gonna lose my mind if he keeps being such an asshole.
I'd love to just write down everything he's ever done to me to make me feel bad for no reason, but I know that it's fruitless and wouldn't achieve anything.
No. 72843
>>45986I'd just like to say that's amazing.
>>72353OK, you must be a troll. I would never, and could never have a romantic attraction to a 16 year old. The only kind of relationship anyone could have in that context would be predator/prey.
No. 72845
File: 1456233147221.jpg (24.97 KB, 500x511, 1439244205014.jpg)
it pisses me off that my bf wants to be friends with girls this bad
i just dont understand
i never liked having friends of the opposite gender but somehow he does
i guess im just a jealous cunt but FUCK WHY CANT U JUST BE FRIENDS WITH OTHER GUYS
No. 72870
>>72845You sound like my friend's possessive gf.
>text friend asking if he wants to hang out (like as friends)>"Hi anon. This is G, W's girlfriend. You are not allowed to hang out with him.">starts accusing me of trying to steal him from her>turns out G has been intercepting all of 's messages by taking his phone whenever they go out/she goes to his place ever since their relationship began.>said messages include her monitoring texts from W's parents and employer. >G blocks me on all of W's social media for him>ok whatever. Bye bitches. >2 days later a mutual friend of mine and W goes "Hey did G block you from all of W's accounts? Several of W's female friends got blocked and they said that G messaged them saying that they were trying to steal W from them.">wtf.jpg>One of the women who was blocked was even recently married with 3 kids. >Another girl was recently engaged to her boyfriend of 7 years. >none of us even want to "steal" W seeing as we all either have significant others or aren't looking to date. >W is no longer allowed to talk to any women except for G while G still talks to guys (including her exes) and posts photos of herself with photoshopped cleavage. >both still believe this relationship is perfectly reasonable and healthyTL;DR: Turns out my friend is dumb and whipped as hell. His landwhale gf now controls his entire life
No. 72872
>>72845anon, don't be
that girl
No. 72907
Maybe not venting, but I want to write what I am feeling down.
Currently I am reading a blog written by a woman younger than me about growing up with a severly alcoholic mother and a father who was never home.
Whereas my mum is not an alcoholic and my dad did make an effort to be in my life despite his demanding job, I feel very connected to her experiences. I don't think of myself as someone with necessarily bad self-esteem, but I have some issues I feel I can't verbalize correctly to those close to me.
One of these issues is that I have often a deep feeling of guilt and inadequacy. I feel like I am lazy and irresponsable. Every day I dissapoint myself. BUT! If I actually do something that activly sabotages my life, I almost feel this feeling of fulfillement from it. It's a relief to know that yes, I am currently fucking up my life. Part of me knows that this is not healthy and I should not indulge in this, but I don't know how to stop it.
I attend therapy for a different issue but this feels like such an intimate feeling that it is almost a part of my identity.
Sometimes, when it comes to concrete things like making deadlines, I tell people I doubt I will make them. I get encouragement and offers of great support but instead of taking the help honestly offered, I don't. I set up myself for failure.
If I succeed at something, I feel proud and good about myself but there's also a voice nagging me that I could have done so much better.
Do I have bad self-esteem after all? Do everyone doubt themselves? How should I process these feelings?
No. 72911
File: 1456260759065.jpeg (24.23 KB, 500x500, 09d538abf06817022efc9831f87fc6…)
>>72873tbh i wish i could do that but its a long distance relationship
>>72870this is fucked up even for my standards
No. 72918
File: 1456263291072.jpg (26.8 KB, 500x327, nicchest.jpg)
Years ago, I met someone on the same roleplay forum and we started chatting through skype. It turned out he was pretty much a perv, but he was incredibly polite about it. I remember being really intrigued reading about his various fetishes, none of which I found overtly gross, but some were unusual. For example, he was turned on by the idea of a girl's clothes somehow ripping in public and them being incredibly embarrassed about it. The embarrassment part was important, apparently. He also had a thing for large, muscled, alien women. Despite his strange preferences, he was a really intelligent and interesting individual, and I enjoyed chatting with him.
Then a couple of years ago, I got a message from him that pretty much stated he "needed to disappear" and I never heard from him again. Part of me regrets not chatting to him more (I would ignore him sometimes because I didn't feel like talking) and I still feel sad that he vanished into thin air. I remember him stating that he had a girlfriend and wondered if she was the reason he disappeared. I also amused myself with the idea he was some kind of criminal on the run. Regardless, I miss polite pervy guy. Where ever he is, I hope he's doing all right.
>>72870Jesus, I hate cunts who pull that shit. Even if he gets out of that relationship, there's no guarantee he won't end up with the same kind of bitch. Pretty sad.
No. 73199
File: 1456332333088.jpg (82.81 KB, 480x640, 111524_original.jpg)
>tfw ugly
>seriously have a face like anton chigurh
>can't wear cute clothes without looking stupid
>can't wear too much makeup without glasses or I look like a tranny
>bought a couple brand pieces but will probably never wear them outside unless it's shit where I can be OTT and wear a mask
I would definitely be the type of person that would get posted in an ugly lolita thread.
No. 73203
>>73163KEK w ell she is a landwhale with bad eyebrows and wears 5 tons of makeup to look sorta decent so…
>>73200Play it off like you were so drunk and high that you literally had no idea what was happening and shit just spewed out of your mouth, I guess. I'm not sure that'll do much for you but it's better than nothing.
No. 73204
>>73200>I don’t want to blame it on the coke and the booze>>73203>Play it off like you were so drunk and highReading comprehension everyone.
>How to deal with this?Stop doing drugs in social situations.
No. 73213
>>73204I don't do this on a regular basis. I hate coke because it's a drug that makes people arrogant, annoying and self-centred. But now it already happened and I need to deal with it in some way. I didn’t say anything mean or called her names. I can’t really tell how bad it was because I had no social empathy whatsoever when this went down. I only remember I talked a lot about her and her boyfriend.
>>73203Not an option for me. It's a lame excuse and I'm not 18 or 19 anymore.
>>73209yeah that's what I think too. I just don't want to make a huge deal out of it. I don't know if I should tell her as well. I'm scared it would ruin our friendship since we just had a fight a couple of weeks ago which is probably why I sperged.
No. 73214
>>73209>'oh it was only the drugs talking' In this case, this is exactly what happened, because she said she would never do this normally.
Her feelings may be real and she should tell her friend that, but her actions were not completely under her control,
when it happened. Which is different from prior to deciding to take drugs though.
No. 73215
>>73183Okay anon, I don't know what's happened in your life and honestly I'd prefer to not, but you should get a little support.
I might be projecting but what you're written really reminds me and my bf who I felt I didn't deserve. Since then I have been attending counselling with Rape Crisis in relation to a past bad relationship I blamed for 'ruining' me, I didn't feel I deserve anything and I felt like a huge burden to anyone that tried to help.
You are right to feel your own emotions, but you do matter and you are important to someone. My counsellor has been very helpful in focusing on how if someone wants to care for you, then that is their decision. Unless you are deliberately and knowingly manipulating them into it somehow, then you need to stop feeling guilt for people that care for you. Even if you feel that you are manipulating someone because you can't possibly understand why someone would love you, you need to talk to them about it, and you should perhaps talk to someone else as well. You aren't destroyed, you are hurt and possibly struggling with healing but that is okay. Be honest with this person, let them know your limitations and how you feel about them and your fears that you might be too much for them or anything else. If they say they want to be there for them, let them do that, it's their own right. IF they can't help you, that doesn't mean that you don't deserve help, either.
If you are struggling to speak to a professional there are many charitable organisations that can offer telephone or email counselling, and this is a really good first step if you're still a bit unsure about the 'real irl' thing. Some services can even help 'supporters', if you feel that's something you would want to suggest to someone in your life.
It's really important for you to talk to someone about the way you view yourself. Language and they way we talk to ourselves can really have an effect. For example, if a person helps us and we apologise for them helping us, we perpetuate the cycle of guilt and shame, but by thanking people for caring for us it can help to subconciously remind us that people actually care. And people want to be thanked! This kind of mindfulness won't make everything okay, but small things can slowly make a difference. Please seek help, you deserve this.
No. 73336
>>73302if he keeps lying to you about his ex, the mysterious druggie girls, and drugs in general, just dump him
if he's gonna blame you and try to evade you questioning him, that's shady
No. 73353
File: 1456393733075.gif (231.27 KB, 500x281, 1451002784618.gif)
My sister has been fired from her job because the very small company she's been working with has gone bankrupt. But she's such a bitch that I can't bring myself to feel bad for her. She wouldn't stop showing off because she "wasn't useless" because she had a shitty job, unlike me who's studying, and she's trying way too hard to insult me in every aspect of my life and humiliate me as much as possible. I hope she felt humiliated enough to stop being an idiot. I've been told that she cried a lot because of this, knowing how proud she is it must have been hilarious to see that.
No. 73376
>>73301Fuck man, anything. Thing is, it's so long ago I can't even remember if it was warranted or not. It'd be small shit like poking fun at something I said, an opinion I had and calling me names. Just, small things. We were friends after all, kind of, I think they hated me.
It's making me nervous too, now, I feel so bared every time I post, like any time now they're going to call me out and call me an idiot again. But I can't for the life of me remember if it was my own fault or not.
No. 73399
farmers, allow me to vent this ridiculous thing.
fuck, I'm banned from an adult chat site for petty reasons, uuuugh seriously fuck the mod! ok it started with i accidentally reveal my asl in the public chatroom (i honestly forgot, i swear), and resulted me being kicked out from one room. i was trying to get back and explain myself but the mod won't have it as she kicked me again and again. when i tried to contact her in another room and explain myself, i was ignored.
okay, so i let it go in the end, and i just hang out on the general adult chat room and not making any chat in the public chatroom, i was afraid i'd make the same mistake again. then out of the blue, the same mod start to chat flirt with me in a creepy way, making me very uncomfortable, even though i did want to reply her chat politely, but i was kinda afk when she chatted me so I didn't reply anything. And what did she do next? BANNED ME.
Seriously, fuck that kind of mod. My reason of getting banned was an honest mistake and I tried to explain myself, but she's having none of it and suddenly flirting with me was just odd. And banning me for that petty reason is just fucking ridiculous.
No. 73401
>>73399I don't get it, are you underage? Is that the reason why you got insta banned when you revealed your asl?
Because that's not a mistake, that's you trying to lie.
No. 73405
>>73399Oh and more to the point: The mod is doing a good job keeping your ass out of that chat. Not only are you making people uncomfortable, but if your ass ever did wind up in hot water with an adult you could potentially get the parties involved into a lot of trouble.
They have rules there for a reason, and you're trying to be a sneak. And seriously if you're young then just wait another year or so…unless you're like 15 and you've got awhile and that's why you're so pissed.
No. 73418
>>73413An adult chat where you cant reveal your asl
Name the chat to prove your innocence (here)!
No. 73433
>>73399>ok it started with i accidentally reveal my asl in the public chatroomso b& evade
>(i honestly forgot, i swear)why are you apologizing, to us no less
>babys guide to ban evadinglog in to your router
change the MAC address for the external/WAN interface
power cycle your cable/dsl modem
somewhere in your router's config page(s) there should be a button to renew your DHCP lease
then go in to your browser and remove cookies
congrats, you just b& evaded unless you're stuck at a university or something where they have static IPs, which i'm guessing you're not if you're underage.
now have fun trolling the mod for being impotent
No. 73465
>>73433thanks for the suggestion anon
>>73448did you read what i wrote? the mod ban me because I won't respond to her. the asl revealing in the public chatroom, i kinda get it, maybe to prevent people blowing up a users PMs. i also get why you think i'm lying, i can't believe it too when she kicked me out of one of the chatroom.
>>73418i won't name the chat site name, but it's one of the biggest.
No. 73640
I seriously need to get this off my chest because it's so retarded–
I fucking hate my grandma's dog. I've met some bitches in my life but no-one matches her. It's mostly my grandma's fault for treating her like a human baby instead of a dog with a jaw of steel.
First of all, this dog BITES. HARD. She's broken the skin on my hand a few times and instead of actually disciplining this dog, my grandma will say IN A FUCKING BABY VOICE "Ohhh widdle girl you know that's not nice! Say you're sorry". Then, like fucking clockwork, that dog will glare up at me and lick my hand once before growling at me again and nipping. It never ends.
Second of all, this dog is more spoiled than some of humans. This dog has a FUCKING BABY STROLLER and a bag that she specifically sleeps in. My grandma calls this bag her 'safe space'. If you try to pick up the bag to move her or need to take the dog somewhere, she will growl at you and try to bite you. Yet again, instead of my grandma correcting this dog's shit behavior, she blames it on whoever tried to move her.
Third of all, this dog is FAT. As stated above, this dog has a MOTHER FUCKING BABY STROLLER. Instead of making the dog walk up the stairs or get exercise, my grandma will push this dog in its FUCKING BABY STROLLER up the stairs, all the while straining herself and sounding like she'll collapse from pushing this fucking shit of a dog. Every time I've tried to walk this dog she just sat in the road and wouldn't move. She's refuses to play with my dog too, and instead will just take the toy from him and growl with the toy until my dog goes away.
Fourth of all, this dog is constantly rewarded. Because she is so fat and lazy, she can gets a toy first if it's thrown. Instead of encouraging her to chase the toys and win, my grandma will do a 'psych' throw to my dog and give the toy to her while my dog is still looking for the falsely thrown toy.
All of this shit pisses me off so much and it's so stupid to be upset over but I can't stand it. Why did I have to get a job in the same city as my grandma.
No. 73641
>>73640*can't
Also, my grandma hand feels this little shit. She cooks her organic chicken every night, dips the chicken in apple sauce, and feeds the dog one bite at a time. On top of that this dog constantly has treats.
I'm hoping my grandma will outlive this dog so I'm not stuck with it's nightmarish bitchery.
No. 73686
File: 1456587961130.jpg (204.57 KB, 1124x1024, 1456036974655.jpg)
>>73403>>73400Sobbing so hard you can't even quote the correct post?
Calm down lol.
No. 73690
feeling really bitter about not being diagnosed with adhd at an early age rn
psych always tells me i don't seem to match the criteria, even though i'm distracted and forgetful and restless to an extent that is comical. it's ruining my life and productivity.
i'll open sai, draw two fucking lines and call it a day, or move onto the next picture and draw a line and repeat the cycle. i have WIPs from 2012. i try to watch a tv show and suddenly remember something i'd been meaning to do! so i do it, during this i'll remember something else, and then forget that task while feeling that i must check my inbox? but then i don't feel like watching it anymore, and that i need to play a game. it never fucking ends.
i've taken a trial of stimulants before and the change was SIGNIFICANT. i wasn't forgetting everything within seconds and going on tangents!! and making careless mistakes. i could even study too.
and to top it off, they've said that these medications are overprescribed, that anybody could perform better with strattera, yet want to put me on fucking ssris? i'm not going back to those because i do not like to be obese, made docile and sleep for 18 hours
i really hate this way of life. it's like i'm surviving, but not alive.
No. 73696
>>73691I feel it too anon. it's as if others think they can simply shed you and leave you behind for better things. as a result of this, I grew more bitter and decided to carve out a place for myself in the world instead of allowing others to control me. If there's no room for me, I'll make some, and I'll take what I want instead of inheriting and apply meaning to hurt.
it's like being rejected as an antigen would in host, i don't think i was supposed to exist and that's why I experience unwavering misfortune. if you put your mind to things, and try your hardest not to die and be broken by others, the good things will come to you. it should come in waves, for misfortune comes fortuity. it's corny, but i hope you're able to find some happiness
No. 74736
Everything I touch turns to shit. Every potential good friend, networking opportunity, way out of this mess of an existence…I waste it.
The guy I've been seeing/fucking casually has started bringing his roommate to our "dates". Yes, I am that awful to spend time alone with. Fuck me with a chainsaw. I should just end the arrangement now, but he's successful (way above my pay grade -this is female privilege, ladies, you can date some pretty good catches as long as you're not hideous). I've been holding out hoping that some of it will rub off on me. Plus, my self-esteem is too low to leave.
He liked me at first, but I went and ruined it.
I'm slowly growing apart from my closest friend due to her new relationship and new posse, who I can't stand. I call them the Asperger's crowd. Not all of them are genuine autists, but they sure try their best to look it. I feel like I'm actually better off spending time with my putative brogrammer boyfriend who treats me worse than his dog because at least he knows how to behave normally.
I effectively burned bridges at my last shitty job in order to make a new start, but now it turns out that I might actually need their help after all. Networks have never been my strong suit.
That's not it for my problems, but it's way too depressing to type them all out.
I'm so fucking numb.
No. 74949
>>74810Curious, you a man or a woman?
I was going to add that caveat to my list of grievances but figured it wasn't necessarily relevant.
At any rate, thanks for reminding me I'm royally fucked over as far as life goes.
No. 74984
>>74736>I'm actually better off spending time with my putative brogrammer boyfriend who treats me worse than his dogIs this a different person to the guy that's bringing his room-mate to your dates? Either way, leave the bf if he treats you like shit.
Also, if the other guy is bringing people to your dates at the very least it means he wants to keep seeing you, people don't do that for people they don't want to see again as the more mutual acquaintances you have the harder it will be to make a clean break from someone. Did he say why he brought them? If not, ask him if it bothers you, maybe he just gets nervous talking one on one like that.
No. 74992
>>74984They are one in the same. It says
something when he falls all over his dog cuddling with her and calling her a pretty girl every five minutes, then turns around and makes fun of you for trying to talk to him about something that's very important to you and that you want his opinion on. (I guess canine bitches can't talk thus are easier to deal with than human bitches…)
Re:bringing his buddies with us on outings - that's something I've been trying to figure out. It sucks when he used to take you out to movies/restaurants for actual dates and now roommate #2 is there ordering a burger, but your assessment makes sense. I'll bring it up with him when the time is right.
But yeah…you're right…I should eventually dump him. I take full responsibility for getting myself into this situation.
No. 75039
>>74992>I take full responsibility for getting myself into this situation.You aren't responsible for how other people treat you unless it's in retaliation for something, and even then, people are responsible for their own actions and reactions.
I wouldn't look too much into him treating his dog well and then you like shit, it might just be that he's an asshole who happens to like his dog. It says something, but only about him.
No. 75054
>>75048do you ever let him know whats up? what your going through?
im sure he would try to help if you let him know you dont really mean the things you do. im sure it can be hard on him as well
No. 75188
>>75056Everyone says this. Literally everyone.
What else are they supposed to talk about? They only know their own life experiences. I'm sure you do the exact same thing to them, because everybody complains about this. Everyone thinks that their problems should be the focus so they don't notice they're doing the exact same thing back.
No. 75568
File: 1456886529517.jpeg (73.06 KB, 532x420, image.jpeg)
Since I believe that most people that can relate to this utter shit is on here, I'll give it a go. Starting to feel that I'm running out of options.
It all started when I turned 18 and moved out of home to start study in another city. Had all the opportunities and freedom in the world, finally broke out of an abusive relationship and had the world at my feet. Forward 3 years and I had accomplished nothing. Threw away my education and I don't even have a good excuse, just my "crippling apathy" that you and I know is just poppycock for being a lazy spoiled little cunt. Moved home and was back on route 1. Worked at some mediocre part time job and then met the guy who is the reason why I'm not rotting in the streets today. He's the most unselfish guy you'll ever meet, just gives and gives and asks nothing in return, all while having his shit together 100%. From day one we grew genuine affection for each other, and we just sort of became. Basically lived there after few months and after a year almost we moved into a new apartment together and got a dog after few months. During these years I've tried to study something else but fucked off after a year and just continued with mediocre jobs. I've been on antidepressants for a year now, only thing that's different is that I don't get those intense anxiety swings on a daily basis, but I still feel this sharp mindset of total apathy and indifference to life and everything that it entails. Only things I'd miss is my dog and my darling man who puts up with me through and through. If I decided to off myself someday the only true sorrow would the one I caused those two and my parents. I am to term with death, I used to fear it but now it's a blessing.
I must be most loathsome to you who reads this, since I've read most stories here and my life has been fucking Disneyland in comparison. If giving my organs to help you guys would help that would suffice this world more then what I do being alive. Shit well enough with this bhawwwwing already.
4 years of this pathetic so called life I've been waiting for the willpower to become something to return, a day where I wake up and decide to ace this existence but I don't think that day will come. I'm afraid my boyfriend will leave me soon someday(and I sometimes think he should, cause he deserves so so much more then a fucking class A neet), and if that day comes well fuck me sideways.
so, if anyone has/had similar experiences, what have you done to improve anything? I welcome any tip possible because it's about 4 years late for me to stop acting like a crippled pissbaby.
Sorry for typos/nonsensical text etc
No. 75654
>>75568I'm in a similar situation. For medical reasons, I was pulled from my last year of school halfway through the year and decided to do a course.
All was going well, was one of the best in my beauty therapy course, gaining closer friends and, then, bam. I had a serious medical issue and developed a tremor in my hands. Bye-bye beauty career. That was two/three years ago and I feel like I haven't done anything since then.
Last year, I enrolled in university online and fucking hated the format so I dropped it. The only campus within four hours of where I live doesn't offer the course I want to do – which isn't obscure or anything.
I had a booking with a career adviser, but I shattered my collarbone and ended up in hospital, so that was cancelled.
My mother desperately wants to fund me going on a Euro trip, but I don't have friends close enough to go with, or the ones that I am close enough are broke and have no parental help.
Or I could move to a new city where I know no one, enroll in university and drink wine in a shitty student apartment while job hunting in an empty market.
So how am I going to get out of it?
I don't know fam, I'm lucky to have options, but I haven't done anything for almost four years either. Every time I start to make a move, something stops me and I'm terrified that it's sort of an omen that if I move/travel shit will happen.
No. 75800
File: 1456944591501.gif (1.66 MB, 540x603, 1453292228762.gif)
>>75799If they were considering you they probably wont drop you because of one unanswered call. Hope you get the job.
No. 75804
>>75800Thank you for your vote of confidence!
However, I feel like I fucked up more than I thought with the message… because I called again to see if anyone was back yet and it turns what I thought was "This is Ann" was really the name of the business [it sounds really similar on the recording]. I don't know why that didn't occur to me.
No. 75822
>>75793Blah, I did a shitty thing in 2014 where I led a guy on. It didn't even hit me until he let slip that he was referring to me as his "crush" when telling other people about me.
Then my friend tried to introduce me to her friend who had been very interested in me, and I was a complete stuckup bitch to him due to no interest on my part.
Meanwhile I'm still in love with the same man I've been in love with for the past 4 years who not only gives zero shits about me but lives on the opposite coast.
Sorry I don't have advice for you anon, just want to let you know you're not alone in having a complicated love life.
No. 75932
i'm crying right now after a "fight" with two teachers at my boarding school. It was not even a fight, it was them getting mad at me for barely any reason (they think it took me too long to get to my room after an event of this school that i took part in), i talked back and they demand an apology from me. those two are the worst, a drunkard who keeps accusing me of drinking too much (i don't go to bars or clubbing and never drink alcohol during the week, also i'm 18 and legal drinking age in germany is 16) and her sockpuppet who didn't even finish her fucking A-Levels and started out as cleaning lady. this event was a cards competition, i got a lit candle for being last (has to do with some stupid german pun, w/e) and Miss Sockpuppet ripped it out of my hands and blew it out, saying i was not capable of turning the lights off in time by myself. i hate having to deal with them, especially since they only act out on the people they dislike, but favor some of the others who do way more shit than me, even illegal stuff. i also deeply hate myself for always having to cry after a "fight" with one of them. i have no other place to go so i want to vent it out here, i'm sorry. i love this boarding school but i hate these two so much. the other teachers are all really kind or at least you can tolerate them, but not them.
they expect me to say sorry for not following their orders next morning, but hell no i won't. i'll just keep quiet. i'm used to taking shit from others and taking blame anyway…….
sorry about this weird unorganized rambling
No. 76254
File: 1457033339705.png (579.16 KB, 500x563, 1348889824162.png)
This is TL;DR. Be prepared.
My parents like my bf as a person but they say he's unmotivated and lazy, it gets truer by the day.
He's been bitter lately because I make more at my call center job ($14+/hr; still it's peanuts for having two degrees but it's all I can get for now) while he works at Target (I think barely $8/hr) and recently started a second job as a server at an asian takeaway for extra spending money. He gets free meals at the restaurant and good tips, so he's not overworking by any means. There's other job opportunities around here but he either makes up excuses as to why he doesn't want them, or says he already applied and never heard back. It's all bullshit. Either way, he's limited because he doesn't have a car.
While my call center job pays more and isn't physically strenuous, I deal with a lot of verbally abusive/demanding customers and mentally it's a struggle to push myself to go everyday. Fortunately my job is super flexible and I can take time off in my department as long as it's available day-per-day. I took an entire week off last month and I STILL made more more than bf. Unbeknownst to me until last night he's been salty ever since.
Aside from his "50 hour work week," all I ask is that he meet his half of the bills and help out. Problem is, HE NEVER HELPS OUT UNLESS I NAG. I would love to come back to the place and see that he's done one thing besides turn on the dishwasher (with dishes I've loaded and will have to put away). Vacuuming, dusting, laundry, ANYTHING!
On top of that he's become stingy about groceries. I make food with care and considering if it will get eaten as leftovers. The food I make always gets eaten, bc it's good and I take my fucking time. If I ask him to make food he might put up a fuss, do something cheap (fried pork with a tub of rice), and then will say "Okay we're eating leftover rice that smells like butthole for the next 3 days k??" while eating all MY food that I made before he eats his own leftover shit!
He scowls at me if I tell him we need to stock up on groceries, and makes us shop at Target (their selections are gross and pricey) just because of his measly employee discount. But wait, we only can go grocery shopping bi-weekly too! Our grocery bill only comes to $90 (for two weeks) and it never lasts us, and if I try to deviate from his pre-approved list, he groans and moans like he's the only one footing the grocery bill!!!
Anyway, here's the spat I had last night:
>come home after buying $216 worth of groceries, with my money, with meals planned that will last over a week
>bf obliges to help carry in groceries, acts like an immature idiot the entire time which rubs me
>I'm not particularly cheery that I have to do all this work on my only day off this week
>he's going through the bags, I bought food that I don't want him getting into bc fuck if he shares his meals from work with me
>he's already jealous of two things I bought for myself
>slight agitation in my voice
>tell him to empty leftovers from fridge, including his rice
>apparently I didn't say this "nicely" enough for him
>throws leftovers in the garbage can while SPLATTERING the wall beside it with leftover gunk
>he walks away from the splatters with no indication he noticed or will clean the wall
>puts the tupperware in the sink for me to clean, doesn't come back with a rag
>"Uh, so bf, you gonna clean that mess?"
>"I WAS ANON, YOU'VE BEEN ACTING SHITTY TO ME EVER SINCE YOU GOT HOME, WHAT'S YUR DEAL? YOU'RE SO SNIPPY!"
>he wipes it down after I nag, then goes to plop on the couch while I put shit away
>bf said he was going to do laundry, I see it's still not done and it was 7pm
>"You gonna do that laundry?"
>"I will later."
>"I want it done now, bf."
>pitches a fit at me, once again asks why I'm "being shitty" and "riding his ass" and "being snippy"
>tell him it's because he doesn't do shit around here unless I play mom and tell him to
>"WELL I WORK 50 HOURS A WEEK, YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE WINDDOWN TIME!"
>point out that he was out of work over four hours ago…
>"WELL YOU DON'T WORK ENOUGH TO KNOW! YOU BARELY WORK 40 HOURS!"
>tell him I have a stressful job, and as long as I'm paying my half of the bills it's none of his concern how much I make
>"YOU SHOULD BE WORKING JUST AS HARD AS ME REGARDLESS."
>"No, I'm not going to work harder than I have to. It's not my fault bf that you have to work harder to pay your bills."
>"YOUR STUDENT LOAN PAYMENT ISN'T EVEN HIGH, MINE IS $127 WHILE YOURS IS $17!!!"
>"So? The reason why I got a lower IBR is because my credit is good and I pay on time. You didn't pay your loan for close to a year and were delinquent. You have as much debt as me with no degree to show for it. Not my problem."
>"NUH UH IT'S JUST THOSE LOANERS OUT TO GET ME. I FEEL SO UNDERAPPRECIATED! I'M THE ONE WHO PAID THE WATER BILL LAST WEEK!"
>"Actually I paid the water bill because it was on my check, I just made you turn it in to the office. You didn't 'pay' for anything, dingdong."
>"I DON'T RECALL THAT. I STILL PAID FOR GROCERIES LAST TIME WHICH WAS $110!"
>"Because you insisted it go on your Target card for the discount, not because I didn't offer to pay. Oh, and I just brought home $200 worth in groceries, consider it repaid in kind."
And at that point he stormed out to do laundry (had to come back because he forgot the detergent). I couldn't help but laugh. He came back later and went along like nothing had happened.
But now I know to keep mental tabs of the money and what expenses I pay, seeing as though it's gonna be held above my head in any future grudge matches.
No. 76349
Sobbing in my kitchen because I've been working on a funding form all night, it's taken me three days to get the motivation to actually do it, and it turns out the thing I've been using to edit the PDF hasn't even saved any changes and I've lost everything.
I feel so caught in between, the house is full of food and the heating bill is paid, but my bank account is empty and if I don't get a job or a hardship payment in the next month then I'll be in my overdraft and then the debt will just pile up and I don't know how I'll ever pay any of it back.
>>73588The way grown up life affects friendships sucks, instant messaging can really help close the distance between your lives a bit by sending each other dumb photos of on mundane lunch breaks etc.
>>75651/cgl/ has betrayed us all, you're not alone. I was actually so butthurt last time I got banned that I even ranted about it all day irl because it's just getting ridiculous. I don't think it's going to get any better tbh because of how talking about the rules or mods gets you banned for 'complaining'.
>>75932 I don't really understand a lot of what you said but I wanted to say 'hey buddy feel better soon and viel gluck'.
No. 77104
>>75568My life was shit through and through till j met my be who is helping me get on my feet. I'm in treatment for depression and anxiety but I'm not satisfied with that diagnosis because my life is utterly perfect. Don't pay for school, gas, rent, utilities, food, clothes, vacations, but I'm still a cunt and depressed. I think it's something beyond those diagnoses and I'm getting tested and interviewed for them because I'm sick and tired of nothing working when I have everything and more.
I say you gotta push for something more for the sake of your loved ones that you feel indebted to. I'm through with the antideps (made me worse in a different way) and I'm pushing hard to be the loving gf I was in the beginning.
No. 77118
>>77104Glad to hear you're getting help anon. I was in the same boat as you and once my best friend had a talk with me, I started to get help. A few things I found out about myself and my process, don't know if it will help but it's worth a shot.
I was depressed when I got accepted into a very, very exclusive university, and while I was making top marks there. I was also depressed once I graduated and worked a shit job and nearly became homeless – unfortunately, depression isn't a case of the Mondays. Depression at some points in life is pretty appropriate if your life sucks, but when mine didn't, I was still unhappy. It's a fucking liar of a disease that gets your own brain to spout shit about yourself. I am a liar in my own mind and I have come to accept that, it's super necessary - my mind lies to me. A lot. Not as much now that I'm on meds but that's point two.
It took 3 meds over 4 years to find the right one, and two of those made me suicidal. It's not easy but just because one med doesn't work, doesn't mean your depression is untouchable to modern medicine, there's lots of options and I've heard good things about Electroconvulsive Therapy for depression that is non responsive to drugs.
Lastly, anxiety. Oh what a beast. Even when I made progress with depression my anxiety held me back at every turn to remind me I'm not only not good enough, but not even deserving because I'm just such a fuck up. Treating anxiety and depression at the same time is key - my new meds affect both and I've been a lot better over the past 3 years. I didn't think I was that anxious but I did have an ED that has since 'mysteriously' had less of a grip in my life to the point where I have periods ect.
It's amazing how we cope with unhappiness in our lives, but I promise you owe it to yourself to keep with it. I had to remind myself the girl that can't leave the house, can't get out of bed – she's not me, she's my depression and anxiety. Fuck that bitch.
No. 77258
>>77093Wow fucking stay away from that, even if the AoC laws are on your side. Anything that starts with lies is probably doomed anyway.
Actually a similar thing happened once when I was 20, met a huge buff guy in a bar and let him have my number even though he was a bit lame. And it wasn't until we'd made out in my flat that he admitted offhand to being 17, and I kicked his ass out.
I can definitely see how it happens, esperically with guys that can't see through teenage makeup.
No. 77304
>>77094>>77095>>77258>>77265yeahhh. I did agree to meeting him tomorrow as originally planned, but I told him that I couldn't promise that we'd ever be a couple after a lie like that. after some research it seems like legally I'm ok if I did actually decide to have sex with him, but I doubt I will. I feel totally deflated after all of this. but I figure it can't hurt to at least hang out, because I do enjoy his company, and he said he understood that if I didn't want to be a couple.
ughhhhhh it just sucks ass so MUCH because I haven't dated in a million years and I liked him a lot. I'm really glad I never traded nudes with him or anything though, shit.
No. 77341
>>77258It's not so weird to lie about your age online if you're underaged online
I was 18 online from when I was 15 lol
Just see how it goes op
No. 77342
>>77304Just meetup and see how it goes
Report back please
No. 77365
I'm sorry for this being so long. My sister is just… fuck. She's 18, and she acts like a child. We both live with our mom, cleaning the house and the like, just trying to help support her since our dad died when we were kids and she's in her 50's, working her ass everyday to get by.
My sister's unemployed, isn't really trying to get a job unless it's “in Japan.” Night and day, she tells us how she hates this country and the town we live in and the people in it, tells us we should just pack up and move to Texas because there she can become a QA tester for video games. Yet, she gets angry when we ask her to take out the trash and refuses to go into stores alone or learn how to drive.
Our mom pays for her dental, hospital visits, phone, and all she asks is that she pull her own weight around the house and do some chores. Through all of this, my sister has looked her dead in the eye and has said “I don't need to do anything, I'm 18; you can't tell me what to do.”
When I get home, I want to relax and do my own thing. Maybe talk to a friend, go on the computer, you know how it is. The second I walk through the door, she wants me in the living room and with her. I don't mind spending time with her, I don't, it can be really fun, but if you say “No”, she gets an irritated expression and treats you like shit through the rest of the day. We've even gotten into fights because I've told her we should be grateful for the things we have, I'm not fucking kidding. She's raised her voice at me in public, when we're supposed to be spending time together as a family, over the most stupid of shit.
And you know, I can be an asshole too. I've said dumb things, I used to be a pretty shitty person, particularly in my childhood. But, fuck, we aren't kids anymore. She thinks she can say “Fuck you” and mean it, then half-ass an apology later or say it was just a joke and expect us to be all smiles. When any one of us is upset with her behavior, she says we're too sensitive and “more like a woman, whereas I'm more like a guy…”
I'm tired of it, my mom's tired of it. I actually dread coming home, because then I have to deal with my sister and her attitude. I dread waking up because of her, I've been sleeping more just to avoid the conflict between us. Everything could be going well, and I think, “Maybe I can go to sleep, and end the day on a good note?” and then reality comes flying my way and then she's ignoring me for God knows what fucking reason.
I don't know what to do. I love my sister, she can be a great friend, we can be so close sometimes it's like we're on the same frequency. At the same time, it's like walking on a tightrope with her, and the rope's made of fucking butter. I don't know what to say that will make her look at her actions and realize how awful she's been. She's pushed all of her friends away, and will tell me how she misses them and wants to talk to them again but in the same breath says they were annoying. I just don't know what to fucking do.
No. 77382
>>77365Your sister has serious mental issues, and I can't diagnose her with anything on a Texan animal husbandry bbs, but these are some red flags:
>she acts like a child>isn't really trying to get a job unless it's “in Japan.Unrealistic expectations, delusions of grandeur?
>I actually dread coming home, because then I have to deal with my sister and her attitude. I dread waking up because of her, I've been sleeping more just to avoid the conflict between us.Her attitude risks saddling you with depression.
>it's like walking on a tightrope with her, and the rope's made of fucking butter.https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201003/welcome-the-new-blog-stop-walking-eggshells
>She's pushed all of her friends away,Also very typical of personality disorders. Has she ever been to therapy?
No. 77411
>>77382I'm going to add one tidbit about her, if it helps.
Regarding her acting like a child, it's like she only recognizes her age for the fact that when she hits 21, she gets to drink and gamble. That's it. She doesn't want to deal with the bills, and insurance, or anything else. She wants to sit on her ass and have someone else do all of the work, while she plays video games and whines about how hard life is.
>Unrealistic expectations, delusions of grandeur?Unrealistic expectations? Yes. For several things, actually. One being that she expects me to spend every moment of my free time with her, doing what she wants to do. If I don't want to watch something she picked, she usually gets a bit… exasperated? Not enough to make me want to leave the room, but enough that the air gets a bit tense. Japan land is also unrealistic, at least to me. She thinks that once she's in Japan, it's going to be better than the United States in many ways. It's not just Japan, she's said that any place other than America will be an improvement, but Japan is the primary. She has all sorts of Japanese furniture, bowls, and such. I can understand liking a culture, but she's said countless times that she wishes she was a cute Japanese guy dressed all visual kei. She swears she knows Japan isn't perfect. Fooled me.
>Her attitude risks saddling you with depression.I wouldn't be surprised, I've been feeling like I'm on autopilot for a while now. Watching from inside my head, kind of.
>Has she ever been to therapy?No. We figured it was… I don't know, a phase? Hormones? I really don't know. Nothing we've ever said or done has encouraged her behavior, and she has improved in some ways. She used to be a lot more grumpy and distant, more rude, but I can say without a doubt that she can be manipulative at times. She used to bring up committing suicide, now she's eased off but she brought it up again when we found out she needed surgery for something not serious. "Why do we bother trying to live?" and the like. She's never self-harmed, that I'm absolutely sure of, so the conclusion I've come to is that she's doing it for attention. Years back she brought up how she was a male in a female body, but she went on tumblr a lot around then so I'm not entirely surprised.
She's been more emotional since we found out about her needing surgery, however. I can get her being afraid, but some of her actions are uncalled for. It's always been "me, me, me!" with her. I'm sorry my sentences are all jumbled, I'm kind of messy with personal matters.
No. 77659
>>77643Here
I've had more crushes than I can count, but I overthink everything and before you know it they're gone
No. 78060
>>78044Same
I think that's pretty normal though
No. 78494
>>77104>>77118>>75568 anon here, thank you for sharing your shit, really its kind of an odd relief to know that there are people like you around, that you're still hanging in there.
To me its a shameful and disgusting thing to admit or even talk about since here i am living the privileged life but nah this unhappiness and indifference is inevitable. People around me say, "hey just cheer up" etc and i wouldn't believe I'm depressed, have pretty much all i need, why shouldnt i be happy?
Idk man, probably gonna go under a ADHD investigation or something cause if this fucking shit is normal I cant tell what is.
If you guys need someone to talk to, let me know. Cheers
No. 78597
Not a vent but…
I posted in this thread before, I'm psychosis anon and I just wanted to say to all of you who don't see a light at the end of the tunnel just know there is.
I went from not showering, not brushing my teeth, not leaving my bed, keeping the curtains closed (I was scared there were bugs outside the window), unable to care for myself, crippling depression and anxiety, no interests in anything (It was so bad I would only be awake for 2-4 hours per day), and attempting suicide at least once a week.
I am so much better now and with the help of meds and therapy and taking it step by step, I've managed to overcome my first severe psychotic episode as well as PTSD.
It's not easy at all, you'll not want to do anything or put in the effort to go to appointments or call doctors or try different medications but if you stick with it and take the time to self care you'll surely reap what you sow.
It doesn't matter how bad things may seem now. It's cliche, but once you hit rock bottom the only way is up.
Good luck anons, I'm rooting for you!
No. 79650
>>79648Have you told him how you feel?
Boyfriends are supposed to support their girlfriends when they're unhappy and sad.
No. 79651
>>79650i told him that i wanted sex because i miss him (i feel very loved when we do things) and he mocked me, told me that im off putting and said that i probably have a disorder because i want to have sex with him when i miss him lol.
i just know he has a hard time being romantic and i thought we would both enjoy doing ''stuff'' with eachother.
guess i was wrong.
No. 79758
>>79732The fuck? Are you talking about a person or a pet? If someone is puking uncontrollably, they need a pot, bucket, trash can, or something of that nature to carry around the house. I'd murder anyone who repeatedly barfed on my carpet or bed out of laziness.
I'm so
triggered right now.
No. 79829
I'm single right now and honestly I'm not bothered by it because I'm planning on moving in two months anyway so I don't want a relationship right now.
Unfortunately, my friends ARE bothered by it and I'm getting frustrated with their constant barrage of comments about it. For the past few months, I haven't had a single conversation with them that didn't somehow circle back to me being single. All it's been is patronising and downright rude comments. Once, I told them I didn't want a relationship right now and I got the "oh suuuure you don't. You have men issues, we get it." We're in our twenties but somehow the whole "oh you're a lesbian" thing is going on to. I hate how they think I'm lying about being happy as I am and I'm sick of being treated like I'm beneath them because of it.
The thing is, they basically have the same amount of experience as I do and their current relationships aren't great (some of them have been cheated on by their current SOs, one is constantly called fat by hers, another never sees her boyfriend because he doesn't want to see her, etc) so, when they're rude to me, I really want to point it out and it makes me feel like a shitty person. I've never actually said anything cruel about their relationships but I feel like the worst friend on earth for even wanting to lash out at them. Their comments are just so constant and exhausting.
Sometimes I just want to talk about life without having to sit through a 30 minute lecture on why I'm single and how I can't be happy alone, you know?
No. 79833
>>79831No, I don't have a counselor and I'm not on medication. I've tried to set up appointments, but I don't get calls back and I give up because it feels like I'm just a lost cause and I don't deserve help anyway.
Thanks for your concern, anons. I just hate myself so fucking much for not being normal and perfect. I'm disgusting.
No. 79836
>>79833Nononono babe. You are not disgusting. I need you to tell yourself that rn. You are a human being who needs help. There is nothing disgusting about that.
Keep trying to find a counselor. You should only have to call once to set up an appointment. If any thing, go to their office. If you have anxiety with going to places (i do too), I want you to take 5 deep breathes. Count each time you take a breathe. Let it out slowly and repeat. Keep telling yourself that you need this.
Let me tell you a little some thing. I was down in the dumps too. I felt as though I was trash and deserved nothing but the shit end of the stick. I'm not on meds. I don't have any resources to turn to. You wanna know what I did? I posted on here because I felt as though this was my last shot. A kind fellow anon made me realize that I am not trash and that I deserve the help I seek. I googled local psychs and picked one based off of reviews. Do. Not. Give. Up. My dear anon. I'm rooting for you.
No. 79842
File: 1457717511289.jpeg (37.91 KB, 480x480, image.jpeg)
My adhd continuous performance test was cancelled after I got to the counseling center because the program was down. I'm at the end of my rope with school, failing a class, doing shit in others… But my psychologist keeps trying to treat me for depression even though I've been in treatment for that shit for 3 yrs with no success….meanwhile my psychiatrist is sure I have adhd, but she needs the clearance to prescribe me. Can this fucking process hurry up before the next quarter starts, or do I have to consider an hero again.
No. 79932
>>79926This. I'm too retarded to do it on my own. I have my sister bartering for me but she's definitely getting ripped off.
>>79917I have zero friends at school and don't have the balls to go around asking. Also don't have the balls/am too paranoid to look online.
No. 79966
File: 1457739203087.jpg (Spoiler Image,70.94 KB, 770x607, 1422245405701.jpg)
I finally got my first and most likely only bf and now he's saying he's starting to wanna break up with me because of how I see my flat chest.
But I honestly can't believe him when he says he's ok with it. Almost every guy will say some hippie bullshit like "it doesn't matter if you're in love" if they think it'll benefit them and he's told me repeatedly that he likes big breasts and nearly all of the movies, shows, mangas, and games he's into have tons and tons of fanservice and basically porn. He even has pics of quiet's cleavage on his steam. He says he doesn't see the scenes and stuff like in berserk as porn or fap to them and I pretty much believe him. But if almost everything he's into has tons of stuff like that then what does that say about what he's into.
He used to act really weirdly and would start saying things like "flat chests aren't disgusting" and that some guys liked them when I would just make a really casual joke like people do all the time. In fact whenever I say something related to breasts he automatically assumes I must be upset or negative even when I'm doing the exact opposite and trying to say that it's the kind of thing I don't mind. It's probably my fault, what else would someone expect from someone like me.
He was hiding something pretty personal from me and I completely understand why and don't fault him for it at all, but it was part of the reason he was acting so oddly and the main reason I couldn't believe him. He finally told me and I was really relieved and happy for a while. I thought that maybe that was it and maybe he actually could ignore my chest and wasn't just trying to force himself so he wouldn't be "shallow". I even got delusional for a while and thought maybe he could actually even like them. And it was for a while, but as soon as I make a joke he reacts like I must be jealous, and it brought me down hard enough that I got upset again.
And that's why the whole "if he's with you he must like you" doesn't work. He has very very low self esteem. He's got my absolute favorite body type, really nice hands, a nice voice and a qt accent, a handsome face, and a 10/10 personality and views. We have tons of things in common and don't really disagree on anything even vaguely important.
But when I told him I was very seriously thinking about a boobjob he kept saying he didn't want me to without a good reason, even avoiding the question when I showed him a pic and said I knew he'd prefer the after. He finally admitted that he felt like getting boobjob with him in mind would make him feel very shallow and that I was calling him shallow.
I don't think that way at all, I don't even hate the way flat chests look, on me or anyone else. I'm bi actually and have an extremely strong preference for small breasts and flat chests. But I'm not delusional enough to think it's anything but a huge flaw only a few fetishists like and that most men can't ignore it in a monogamous relationship for very long periods of time. I don't even wanna go huge or unnatural. I just want to be normal and have him be attracted to me the same way he would be to a normal girl.
But maybe it's for the best, he tries really hard but my self esteem towards my chest has plummeted. I end up ranting at him and I know he hates it. And I end up crying about it almost every day or every other day now. I know he's sick of it, he's been telling me.
We're in a ldr too, we've talked everyday but once since the 14th of december for anywhere from 1-8 hours. I probably obsess over him to the point where it's unhealthy too, but I honestly do love him and he doesn't really mind even when I tell him the creepier things.
I just feel like he deserves so much more than me, more than someone he's always gonna want more from. I couldn't handle anything but a completely monogamous relationship and what's gonna happen in 20 years from now when he realizes he's never been with actual woman and is stuck with a flat-chested midget. I doubt he'd cheat but he'd have to be miserable and wishing he didn't waste his life.
But despite all this I can't let him go. Even if he told me he really did hate how I look I'd most likely just get a boobjob no matter what he said and keep trying. But that means nothing if he starts to hate being with me.
No. 79969
>>79966I think i know how you feel
I have a flat chest as well. I know that my boyfriend prefered bigger boobs before me and hell…he probably says he likes my boobs now just to be nice.
It hurts like mad because i kind of like my small breasts but its so hard to find someone that likes them. No, not "mind" them but like them.
I used to think about plastic surgery but i stopped and just grew to like my boobs. My bf still somwtimes suggests me to get a boob job though. Fucking shut up fuck.
No. 79971
>>79969I don't know if I could handle that tbh, I'm not that strong when it comes to this. I'm already not sure if I could ever let him see me topless, if I ever heard the truth I never would until I got a boobjob. I hope things work out for you.
And the only guys I've seen who genuinely liked small breasts were all at least in their 30s. So that kinda sucks.
No. 79978
>>79966Don't let this kill your relationship
If it helps to put it in a different perspective imagine breaking up with a guy because he had a small dick. Even then being flatchested is better than that because it's not essential to sex
Quit worrying
No. 79979
File: 1457743478498.png (31.82 KB, 633x758, 1432231841847.png)
I'm lonely as fuck and have been shit faced all day, listening to music, just trying to forget everything. I feel like I'll be alone forever.
No. 79981
>>79978A small dick has nothing to do with attraction and unless it's an inch long doesn't affect sex much at all. You don't see it every time you interact with someone and girls don't talk about how hot guys with big dicks are or just how hot guys are with any kind dick at all.
A better comparison would be if a guy was morbidly obese. Sure I could be with a fat guy, but I'd never actually be attracted to him and I'd always wish he wasn't fat. I'd feel horrible and insanely guilty especially if he could tell like I could, but I could technically be with a fat guy and be happy at least some of the time.
But would you actually want to be the fat guy in that scenario? Or would you want to lose weight/get a boobjob and have the one you love actually be attracted to you?
No. 80044
>>80013Are you a robot or an avid porn watcher?
I've never done this, nor have any of my friends mentioned such a thing (and they all have very different personalities). My sister is a big whore and she's never said this. Weak ass bait.
No. 80045
>>80042For real? Did you find someone new to focus your feelings on?
I had a bff who was obsessed with me & we never could get past that so I left….mainly because it reached the point where he asked me to blow him or give him a hand job. 6 yrs down the drain.
No. 80047
>>80045Nope, I'm not into anyone at the moment, it feels really nice.
I just think guys might be worse when it comes to this stuff than girls?
This former guy friend I was involved with for a while got super creepy with me after I "broke up" with him (He was emotionally abusive and also didn't do much to hide that he was only interested in me for the sex. Ran away as soon as I realised I could do better).
For months afterwards, he'd message me to strike up a conversation, and it would always end with "I'm gonna go fap to pics of you now <3 :3" or "Aww I wish you were a pornstar" "Remember how my cock felt in your mouth??".
- I made up a lie very quickly about how I had hooked up with the love of my life in hopes that he would distance himself, but nope, kept up the creep act.
Last convo I had with him, he messaged me to tell me that he had also found somebody new, then proceeded to tell me how much he missed my holes and all kinds of weird shit that I wouldn't ever want to hear from anyone.
I've been pretty chill with my former crush and even though I have probably been pretty obsessive about him, I've kept it to myself in order to not scare away a good friend. It's not his responsibility that I felt the way that I did and I have never understood people who don't get that.
No. 80049
I am friends with a married couple through my boyfriend. I have known them for over 7 years and we have always been cool.
The wife is about 5 months pregnant and has become SO mean and bitchy, I can't even believe it.
My boyfriend and I just got back from visiting her and her husband for a week and holy shit. She kept getting mad at us over absolutely nothing.
One time she actually bitched me out. I was so taken aback since I usually don't do things that warrant being yelled at, so I apologized profusely and made sure I did not do it again. (It was a really trivial thing imo.) But then multiple other times she passive aggressively fumed at us/ locked herself in the bedroom for hours/purposely ignored us. They went out without us a lot too, when we were there mainly to see them.
I was a courteous house guest, did the dishes, left no mess, didn't eat their food, and was very available to spend time with them… Hell I even walked fed and walked their dogs a couple of times while they were at work. Never got a thank you, not that I expected it, but it made me feel that much worse with how pissy she was. And she was the biggest bitch for no reason.
She kind of apologized in advance when we first got there for "being hormonal" (before she raised hell), but after multiple instances she only texted an apology after bitching me out and apologized to me once in person after being passive aggressive for no reason. But she was being mean a lot more than that.
About a week ago, I called to wish her happy birthday in the afternoon and she didn't pick up/call back, so I called her husband later that night. He put me on speaker phone, I sang happy birthday, and she flat out ignored me while storming away. She hasn't said anything to me since.
What makes me rage though is my boyfriend, her husband, and everyone else is excusing it. "Oh, she's just pregnant and dealing with a lot." "She's just hormonal."
Why the fuck does that make it okay? She is really being hurtful, she KNOWS she is being a bitch, yet she half-asses being a decent person and owning up to her shit.
This was a shit summary of what happened but fuck, I am sick of the excuse that she is just pregnant. I don't mind if someone here tries to shed some light on this for me so I can understand better, but from my perspective she is being unnecessarily cruel and not being as considerate as she knows she should be. It's really awkward for me especially since I am mainly involved through my boyfriend. Sure I thought we were friends too but we are not super close and after this I really want very little to do with her. Normally I would cut someone out like this if they were being such shit to me. However that is not an option since my bf is close with them, so now it's super awkward. Goddammit.
No. 80090
>>80082The guy was pretty difficult to deal with as he's terminally ill, has 0 support from his family and is stuck with tons of emotional issues that has left him a whiny and angry mess. So I just did my best to be patient with him when he was being gross to avoid hurting him or getting him all pissy at me.
He got verbally abusive with me once when I visited him in his homecountry and wanted to go sightseeing on one of the days instead of sitting in his livingroom all week and play video games, so he's a child and I could see him throwing a tantrum if I ever told him to stop being a fucking creep.
He and I are still friends but I'm keeping him at a very large distance. My best friend/former crush has agreed to pretend to be my boyfriend if this guy tries to be more than just friendly with me if he stumbles into me at any future con. With his personality I just don't see it ending well if I flat out tell him what my problem with him is unfortunately (That's not to say that I haven't tried telling him as nicely as possible to cut it out).
Subtle creepiness is awful as well, cause it's never really as subtle as the guy might think it is. All my sympathy to you anon, cutting a friend out of your life for this type of reason is the absolute worst.
No. 80210
>>80209I'm 18, he's 35.
I already told him it's inappropriate, but that's when he told me it's his way of encouraging me to come to his classes, I don't understand how he thinks being creepy will encourage me, it does quite the opposite.
I don't want to make a whole drama of it, maybe he really does mean it jokingly and I don't want to unjustly report him. I don't want to be THAT person.