/ot/ - off-topic

I have a vocal tic which sounds like a cross between a very loud, high-pitched hiccup and a sharp intake of air.
I don't really understand it, it just comes out on its own and I have no control over it, I never have.
It mostly happens when I'm around my boyfriend which is usually when I'm most relaxed/happy, which is unusual because usually these things are connected with stress.

I've never sought a formal diagnosis because I've never thought it important enough to bring up when attending an appointment with my GP. It doesn't really hamper my life in any way, it's just annoying and slightly embarrassing when a loud one pops out in public, but most people assume it's just a hiccup.

From Googling it, "hiccup-like" tics are actually fairly common amongst vocal tics. I'm just wondering if anybody else on here has it.

>>87362

I've been diagnosed with OCD (I'm 99% sure it developed when I was a kid) but I'm medicated so it's not as bad as it was.

Anyways, I have countless weird things that I do. I will stare at the clock until it turns to an even number and not look back at it unless it's an even number again. Whenever it's a time like 5:55, (2:22, 11:11, etc.) I have to repeat it out loud exactly three times. I can't have anything in my room "looking" at me like posters and teddy bears because I'm paranoid. I have to wash my toothbrush with boiling water before and after I use it. I can't let any of my food touch each other and I always eat the entree first followed by the sides and I have to chew exactly 10 times before I swallow something. I have to have a picture up on my desktop constantly, even though I never look at it. I can't look in mirrors or I have panic attacks. I can't listen to one song, I have to listen to the entire album in order. I have to check one of my social media accounts every two seconds even though I haven't used it since October.

Those are just off the top off my head lol. Also, the OP picture made me laugh.

I used to have to rinse my glass out exactly 3 times or my water would taste like plastic. No matter where I was or how clean the glass was. Probably just a hang up, and not a legit compulsion. Did it my whole childhood, and stopped slowly when exiting my teen years.

I get mostly morbid obsessions that cause me to fix things so nobody gets hurt. I.e. my rabbit is out for a hop and suddenly I fear I left something out that will kill him. Things falling on people, bridges collapsing, power tool accidents, etc. My medication helps a lot with the thoughts.
My only compulsion is skin picking, which I've been working on.

I have this thing where my mind get caught in a thought and can't escape.
It happens only when I try to sleep. I dose off and I suddenly wake up and start thinking the same thing over and over and over. I can't do anything else and it's almost painful. It's not a panic attack or anxiety related. It's just like re-reading the same line in book and not being able to stop.

I'm not sure it's OCD or what. I have chronic depression and deep anxiety but it's the only thing that make me really fear that my brain is broken.

I have obsessive thoughts. didn't know until I talked with my therapist about it.
These thoughts usually have to do with violence, mainly towards myself.

I think I have a spleen where everything that happens to one hand has to happen to the other hand, or I feel very very nervous. example, if my right hand gets a splash of water somehow, left hand needs to be wet too.

>>87367
when did your OCD start? which medication are you taking?

I have really bad dermatophagia. I have a box of band-aids in my purse to wrap around my fingers if I'm feeling particularly embarrassed by them that day or if they're bleeding a lot. I'm disgusted with myself but I can't seem to stop, sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. I'll leave a little pot of vaseline out on the coffee table so that if I start doing it while watching something I can just rub vaseline all over my fingers and hands instead. It also helps moisturize the skin too, which curbs my picking and chewing since I seem to seek out the dryer and rough skin bits. The only thing that seems to prevent me from doing this is having fake nails from the salon since they're not sharp enough to pierce the skin. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to go in a long time for personal reasons and now I've got disgusting fingers again. Because they're so bad I'm too embarrassed to go to the salon to get them done.

I bite my nails. And if I remember something cringey that I did in the past I sometimes reflexively slap myself and swear. I don't do the latter in public though.

>>87400
I had the same sort of thing, except it was stupid things like which cups got washed and put on the draining board first; some can go directly on the side, others have to go in the drainer. Or what order I put things out at work. I convinced myself that these things had an effect on whether my bf would make it home safe or be killed. I still get them but I've challenged myself not to give in, and when everything turned out fine it shows me that they are just thoughts and don't have any effect on the wider world. It was hard not to go and change my socks, or move the cups but it has worked, might be worth you trying to challenge your thoughts like that?

>>87407

I don't remember exactly but I remember it being really bad around 12 yrs old. I take Prozac and Xanax, with the occasional bit of Adderall.

I have the same issue with something happening on one hand and needing it to happen on the other too. I'm not sure if it's OCD-related or not but it's easy for me to be overwhelmed with different textures/sounds/smells.

Whenever I start biting my nails I usually chew off chunks of it just so that they're all an even length

If I ever have a bad thought, I have to make an 'X out' motion with my fingers to make sure it doesn't come true. This happens mostly before bed but occasionally during the day.

Ugh at this point in my life/self care I feel like talking about my many compulsions would only be further indulging in them

I'll summarize, I've had a variety of repetitive compulsions since I was in middle school that would all get to the point of obsession. I would fixate, dream about them (still do sometimes tbh) and waste several hours doing them then hate myself after

Pulling stuck hair our of sweaters, finding fleas in the cats fur (ew I know), picking at scabs on my scalp, and now finding split ends and damaged hair on my head.

Ive strugged with a legit adhd diagnosis since I was 6 but it was sharing the details about my compulsions with my psychiatrist that led to her concluding I also have anxiety and have probably been dealing with it for most of my life. It's been a real positive in my life so far knowing this, I'm on an antidepressant now aND while the compulsions still come and go the emotional baggage is way way lighter and easier to deal with.

I reccomend any fellow anons struggling with this consider talking to a professional if you haven't already.

>>87412
I'm starting to log when I get unwanted thoughts and what causes them.
I've definitely made progress in the past, such as working at a hardware store and not running away in fear.
Some of them still take up a large part of my day, such as the fear of having intestinal worms or making sure chemicals are stored properly, etc.

Now I've read that doctors have no idea what causes OCD, but it appears to be linked to trauma in the past.
Tl;dr sexual abuse story

I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child and I vividly remember not being able to sleep as a young girl because I felt the need to 'clean' my genitals.
It subsided probably around the time I hit puberty and became more comfortable with my body sexually, but my OCD ramped up around age 19 or 20.

Have any of you anons experienced trauma that may have influenced your OCD?

>>87466
Ewww stop talking about your genitals

>>87467
Shut the fuck up

I compulsively shitpost on lolcow

I have ADHD so everything I like becomes an obsession. I don't cope, just continue to fail and get back up again, because distraction.

>>87476
Waiting for my first appointment at a psychologist now to figure out if i have it. I hope you find some way to cope, constant distraction is a god damn bitch.

>>87472
How cute

>>87467
fuck off you stupid prude. It's relevant to the thread.

my only thing is really stereotypical; hand washing. ugh. 30+ times a day usually. my nails and skin are trash. I definitely don't have ocd or anything it's just I really cannot fucking stand my hands or nails feeling at all dirty in any way nor smelling like anything other than soap or nothingness. I should probably cut down but I really don't want to.

>>87508
You're annoying. Stop.

>>87509
Agreed.

>>87466
yes I've been victim of sexual abuse and abuse in general in my childhood. therefore the thoughts of violence that occur, over and over again.

>>87507
After trying concerta for 3 days(which destroyed me), I'm going to be put on adderall on Monday, something I know works. Thanks anon, hope you do too.

Not sure if this counts but I have compulsive thoughts of choking myself and inducing vomiting whenever I get negative thoughts. I never act on them though.

Hi guys! I'm >>87400 and
>>87466
So I was thinking more about OCD and realized that a lot of people have NO clue about it. I'm vocal about my OCD when it comes up in discussions (but definitely am not a tumblr tier muh OhCeeDee! Type).
It surprises me how many people have no clue how extensive OCD is! I remember that "That's So Gay" campaign on tv and wish to see an "I'm So OCD!" version.
I think the biggest problem is not only identifying what is OCD but also how to talk about it.
>>87460 I'm sure that you, anon, would definitely not want to admit the flea-picking to anyone as much as I would like to admit the extensive lengths I go to in order to ensure I have NO intestinal worms.
Skin picking, checking, washing, scary thoughts, gross thoughts, sexual thoughts. It all comes down to finding the confidence to say to yourself, "No, I don't want that."
My sister has suggested naming the thoughts and scolding them aloud- "No, Paul! The bridge isn't going to collapse you asshole. Shut up."
https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ is a good read about OCD, but there's tons of informationm.
Don't worry, I know how scary it is but none of you are alone despite how unique your OCD is. We all go through the same thing!

>>87362
Lots of them, hand washing affects me the most in social situations as my hands crack up and bleed. Looks pretty disgusting.

I don't even want to get rid of my OCD because the satisfaction after finishing my rituals is one of the very few pleasures I have.

>>87408
I have the same thing. My fingers are constantly raw and bleeding in at least one area, and it hurts like shit to the point where I avoid using the bathroom until i absolutely can't wait because washing my hands burns so bad.

I just hate the comments people make. You can't even give an honest answer either, because then it seems like too much of a sob story. You have to just go along with this idea that you're disgusting

Idk, I have this thing but I'm pretty sure it's not OCD.

I sometimes think of some event in my past where I embarrassed myself or made myself look bad and I get this really overwhelming feeling of embarrassment, shame, and anxiety and I involuntarily start chanting something to focus my mind on that instead of the memory. I usually chant "I just want to kill myself, why do I want to kill myself? Because I want to die" or "I want to kill everyone in the world, I want them all to die" or (and this is the worst one) "I want to have sex". It varies but those are the main themes. I can control it so that I'm whispering it but I can't stop myself from saying it. I wish the memories that trigger this were bad ones, but it can be something incredibly incredibly insignificant that I know it's ridiculous to worry about but I do it anyway.

>>87698
I'm not going to armchair you anon, but I've been through a lot of cognitive-behavioural therapy. It's going to be super tough, but like I do with my thoughts by naming them >>87585
Have you tried perhaps changing what you chant? It's way easier than stopping altogether, but I feel like the words themselves make it worse. "Golly I was a silly willy!" is weird, but its less stressful than anything morbid.
>>87660
I 100% feel you. Sometimes I get extremely frustrated but other times I feel so euphoric to be free of the chains of my thoughts.

>>87701
I do something similar afterwards. If I'm alone I oftentimes talk to myself and say something like "dammit anon, that's a fucking ridiculously stupid thing to be worrying about. No one else besides you even remembers that that happened. People do much worse shit all the time anon, so stop worrying about it".

I still have to chant my mantra until the moment passes though. I've tried to make it as short as possible and sometimes I change it to say I don't want to die after my mind starts to come off of autopilot. The rational challenges don't really seem to make it stop unfortunately.

>>87702
Yeah, I think OCD sufferers can definitely relate to the auto-pilot part.
Have you ever spoken to anyone about it?

I have to bathe twice every time I shower, otherwise I still feel dirty. I also wash every nook and cranny of my toes and dry them off the same way. Toe jam is absolutely disgusting.

>>87698
holy fucking shit. I do exactly the same thing. Is this common??

When I was in elementary school i was paranoid about getting cavities so I brushedy teeth three to four times after every meal and when I woke up and before bed. It got so bad I couldn't taste anything anymore. I snapped out of it after 2 years of constant teeth brushing because my mouth was in constant pain.
Because of this my enamel is very weak and I get cavities very easily

>>97321
oh my god, same, i had no idea other people did this. like, not in a ~muh special snowflake kinda way, i just thought this was seriously so weird and just something that my brain came up with over time or whatever, idk. i don't even consider myself very ocd in general.

in my case, i'm not sure i actually do this to focus my mind on something else, but i usually say stuff like "i wanna die, i wanna die, i wanna die" and when i'm "clear" again and realizing what i've been saying, it feels so weird and i'm like, what the fuck, i'm not even actually suicidal or anything. i usually chant this in my head, but i think it often gets to a point where i'm actually moving my tongue in my mouth and i'm never quite sure if i'm actually whispering or not. and i'm always pretty worried that one day, this happens to me in public and i ACTUALLY say it…

and it's also mostly about really insignificant shit or like, something mildly awkward from when i was a teenager or even a child. or like, random things most people probably wouldn't even think twice about. (i know this is probably a little more common, but for example, i always feel incredibly embarrassed and ashamed if somebody else misunderstands something i say, even if it's totally their fault because they didn't get it or they didn't catch a word etc. so as a result of that, i sometimes even play along with it and change my story instead of actually correcting them and them going "ah, ok.")

>>87701
thanks anon, this was actually quite helpful, idk why it hasn't occurred to me to actually try and purposely change WHAT i say. maybe because i never thought about it much except for when it happened, and then it always seemed like it was actually connected and not just some random phrase, if that makes sense?

now i'm also thinking, maybe i could try to say something positive instead… like, not the ott self-help affirmations kinda stuff, but more something like… "i'm cool" haha. it'd still be weird and random but at least i wouldn't keep saying suicidal shit to myself all the time because that definitely can't be good for you on the long run… (not sure if it'll work though, need to wait till this happens again and see if i can actually have an influence on it.)

>>97405
Hey Anon, I really hope my suggestion works! Its really hard to prepare yourself for this kind of stuff.

Does anyone ever go to the doctor for their imagined imperfections or illnesses? I spent four hours in emergency last week CONVINCED that I 100% had parasites.
Of course I didn't. I feel so ashamed of myself for wasting time and being crazy.

I have this compulsion sometimes of ripping some of my toe nails out. It might not happen for months but then I'll just be sitting and feel a nail and start picking at it until I take it off all at once. Even though it hurts, it's even more bothersome just to leave it alone once I start.
I've been doing this since I was a kid and I don't really know why. I'll do it when I'm stressed or just bored.

>>97321
I have this too but instead of chanting I involuntarily start humming a random tune really nervously and I dont even realize I'm doing it at first, it happens every time and it's not even normal humming? it sounds like frantic. idk weird

>>87698
>>97321
>>97405
>>97431

Gotta say, I'm surprised to find more people who do something like this because I do it too. I also say negative things like "I hate you", "I"m going to die", "Kill myself" but sometimes I say "I'm going home" which is really weird and random. I wonder if there's an actual diagnosis for this?

>>97431
humming anon again.
when I do say something, it's typically "fuck you fuck you fuck you" and im not even entirely sure who it's directed at, if anyone. I think it's me saying fuck you to myself for remembering and dwelling on something stupid/doing something stupid, or it could be towards whoever made me feel embarrassed? either way it's kind of comforting knowing this seems to be fairly common

>>87698
my mom always did that and i thought she's crazy af then i grew up with OCD and realized whats going on lol

>>97432
I get stuck on the phrase "who's birthday is it today?" As a kid I used to say it out loud and whilst I can keep it in these days I sometimes feel like I'm bursting to say it. I've tried looking up lists of celebrity birthdays and stuff but having an answer to the question doesn't seem to help.

Is blemish picking considered a form of OCD?

When I was really little my mom would give me back scratches, but if there was a blemish or a scab she'd pick at it. It wasn't jarring, the sensation actually felt pretty good. So I've always associated picking with relaxed vibes.

I have a lot of facial blemishes and stuff on my arms, my back is nightmare fuel as well. If I feel a zit, scab, dry skin, etc. it's getting picked. I even pick my own boogers sometimes too. If my lips are dry and peeling I pick that shit. I have tons of mini pock marks and discolored spots on my face from all the picking.
I could spend 1-2 hours in front of a mirror popping every spot on my face until I get every last sebaceous strand. I pick and pop til I'm red.

Oh, oh, and the best is having mascara on my eyelashes and picking that stuff off. I'd probably pick my hangnails if I got them more often.

Never been diagnosed with anything beyond anxiety, but I've never owned up to it either.

>>97626
Sounds like dermatillomania. I have it too. I watch those pimple pop videos on Youtube, it really helps with the urges.

>>97321
I also get the urge to do this whenever I think of something embarrassing that's happened to me. Thankfully its not bad enough to where I do it in public. Usually I'll say something negative really loudly like "fuck", "cunt", or "im going to kill myself"