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I don't really have any friends, and when I get the opportunity to make some, after about 1-4 days, I'm totally over it. Not that I dislike their personalities, but I would rather keep them at an arms length, not having to worry about waiting up for them, hanging out or replying to their messages. I don;t mind having a nice conversation in person, but afterwards I want to go home and just relax.
I wasn't always like this, it began when I got depression about 5 years ago. I dislike not having people to talk to, but I don't really want friends it seems. I like doing most things alone. Though when I hang out with people I just met and we end up connecting right away I become happy. Until about the 4th day as I mentioned earlier, and by that point I kind of start pulling back.
I always wonder if its a conscious effort on my part to avoid becoming disappointed or disappointing them due to the lack of a life I have.
People initially like me because of my personality but I don't have much to share about whats going on with me right now other than the fact that I'm in college and my plans for next yr.
I wish I could stay home 24/7 and work from here too.
I thought about doing some kind of training so I could work at home but I can't bring myself to. I started learning programming but gave up like a year ago. I'm such a baby. Any free time I have I'd rather just get online and shit like that rather than actually bettering myself.
I have been trying to think of something I can make that would get famous. Like an app or something. Can't though. All my online friends are pretty similar. They all kind of know that if they talk to me too much they'll run me off.
Also thought about starting a youtube channel but lol my life is so boring.
>>8373>when I got depression
Sorry anon, I don't really subscribe to the idea that you "get" depression, you just kind of have it. But not to detract from other stuff you said.
I tend to get overwhelmed being around people. There is a very short list of people I know irl that I like and I mainly talk to them online or via the occasional text. I don't like feeling obligated to people. It's easier to bail on online friends than real life people. It's also hard to explain to people that it's not them, it's me, without them thinking I'm trying to be nice.
I too wonder if it's because I've just been jaded by my personal relationships over the years, inevitably disappointed and not really interested in putting the effort to be interesting for others, thus remaining disappointing. Though there are people who miraculously think I'm interesting.
A lot of people simply just don't understand social anxiety or depression or the strain it puts on relationships, or why it can't just be turned off. Even with meds it's fairly hopeless (in my case). I'm pretty much only interested in 2d and the internet.
Be honest though, if you met someone who felt the same way. Would you want to socialize with them even if you had things in common?
I feel like, people are becoming more and more less social.
I should really take my own advice and this is cheesy as fuck but I say, get back into that training or programming, anon! It takes talent and luck to make money off of it but if you're doing nothing else and wasting your life anyway it can't hurt to try.
Try making something small first. If you're interested in games look into Unity. Theres reddit app developing boards and game dev boards that can help you out too. Ads from mobile apps can eventually make you money and satisfaction.
I've always been quite a shy person, I don't like crowded places but I do talk, I can be chatty depending what topic it is. I like smiling and I like to laugh. But I am reserved, I don't always want a conversation and I do prefer silence, being by myself a lot. I do have some anxiety, hence why I quit my retail job. I just couldn't do it anymore, I woke up one day last November and I said to myself "I don't want to go", instead I got dressed and went out for a coffee while work rang me numerous times.
I do work, just an evening cleaning job and run an online shop. I start university again in September, I'll be working while studying. So it's no problem money wise since I'm at home and not in dorms.
But I do stay around in my room a lot more than going out. I'm pale as fuck, my skin is naturally tanned and it's paling. My mother says it's because I don't go out enough nor do I get enough sleep at night. I sleep in too much, it's not good. Somedays I don't even want to get out of bed, I just cry and get angry with myself.
I don't even keep in touch with many friends. I don't know how to make them anymore. People from my course, not my type. I can only seem to rely on people who are online these days. It's so sad. I just think I'm a waste of space sometimes.
…I used the term "got depression" because it wasn't until specific events happened within a a series of a few months that I became depressed. It completely changed my outlook on life, myself and others. My personality did a 180 as well, to this day my personality is not as lively or positive as it once was. To go from a very enthusiastic, positive and motivated individual to one that tries to commit suicide, something I had never considered before nor supported as a last result to escape ones misery, is a huge change that resulted from my depression.
So thats why I use the term "got depression," especially because it wasn't something common in my family at all. I highly doubt I had a higher susceptibility for it and the right events brought it forward. I've had worse things happen in the past but did not become depressed from those.
i'm a shut-in. i can't even maintain online relationships. i go to work and school though, but any opportunity i have i stay at home.
im really self-conscious and have BDD so im always very scared of showing my face/body in public. even going to the store makes me scared.
during the time off i have i watch netflix and brose imageboards, and read the news. i sleep a lot and i clean.
i wish i had a hobby like video games. i wanted to get into WoW but i feel like it's too late for me to make any friends ever.
It's annoying because they really don't know what it means. You really can't be hikikomori until you're an older teen at least in most countries because you have to go to school until you're able to drop out. It is not so strange that it has become kind of glamourized though in a weird way I guess.>>8448
I would be down for this.
Friends, in your twenties. You know, I feel down sometimes because it's a time where you're supposed to be young and free. But it doesn't seem that way to me. Everyone has their own thing, own friends, own hobbies. I feel like it's too late to bother, like I'm some kind of disturbance. Just someone who gets in the way. So I just push others away, it's easier. Plus, I feel like getting to know people is a fucking chooooooreeeeeee.
I am the same way. I feel like everyone is judging me when I go in public even though I rationally know they aren't. I either go to the store either very late or very early when no one's there and I can't interact with others more than a very surfacy conversation without sperging hard. Even asking how someone is doing leaves me with a feeling of immense regret for speaking that stays with me for days.
It sucks. I only talk to people when I have to.
yeah i only go to stores with self checkouts now. in my city they do this 10% off on tuesday if you show student ID to the cashier, and i just dont do that because i can't talk to cashiers. it's like a nightmare.
waiters too. i haven't eaten out in like 2 years, i only go when my family absolutely forces me. talking to waiters is like the death of me.
on the internet its hard too. only when im anonymous do i feel comfortable.
it also sucks because im getting older, and i feel like im aging, and that is an added insecurity. i'm assuming everyone here is a bit older too? idk. i just feel so out of touch because everyone i know is either 18 or acting like they're 18
Fucking same. I am entering my late twenties officially and I feel like I wasted my time. I feel jealous of these people who went to live in Japan but I know if I went I would just stay in my room and watch anime and wat instant food, like I do in America, so why spend the money? Why make an effort?
All my residual friends (or whatever) are moving/getting marries/getting lives and I'm just spending all my money on PVC figures and all my time on imageboards. I don't even really feel the need to replace them, my internet friends kind of fill the void.>>8454
Same anon you replied to, I will be 26 in a few weeks.
Getting older and still living this life is a bit surreal sometimes.
There is still time if you wanted to go and live in Japan. Can't you go back to school or if you have, get some qualifications so you could teach there? You're still pretty young. Late twenties or not.
I think it's true you know, corny as it sounds. You can be old at any age and feel the youngest when you're like, 85 and happy.
But yeah… I am secretly envious of my friend who recently came out as lesbian. Well, she's known her girlfriend for four years through DA and they met last week for the first time. I don't even know why I'm a little jealous because it's not like, major? Might be to her, but to me it's a little… I guess I'm just saddened that I haven't yet had a proper relationship. I've liked people but nothing. I don't let anyone in, I give up on people right after they've given up on me. I don't know how. I don't know what to do and I fear dating someone, that I'd just be useless. I'd have to go out with someone who knows what they're doing. Jesus, I'm terrible at showing affection.
When I was little… I was so cuddly. I remember, I used to love kissing my family and squeezing them, even during my early teens. Now, I'm cold as fuck. I don't even like being touched. I have a skin picking disorder too, another turn off. It's getting warmer here in the UK, last week I wore this sleeveless top and people I pick at my arms when I get heat spots (gag I know) and I have plenty of scars. She touched my arm and I just flinched, literally. Then she got pissed off because I flinched. I just walked off.
But the picking thing… another story. I'm past caring anyway.
Yeah, a lot of people I know from school at 22 are already having babies and getting hitched pretty young. God… I can't picture that life for myself. It's too grown, too much. I don't think I'd be ready for that.
Internet friends are good… But… It's not enough anymore for me.
lol I'm grateful to live in nyc only because most people don't ask you how you're doing or start a convo with you unless its the cashier, and even then it's "did you find everything ok?"
then again, I hate living here because I've constantly been told that there are 123456789 different things I could do and people to meet. Thing is that most things are not what I'm interested in. The most I would probably stand for company is 1 person, and it would be at like a movie or sitting at the park, laying down, listening to music. Other than that I'd like to be home.
If I could find friends that would be willing to come over, lay in bed and watch/read shit together with minimal talking, I'd keep them for life.
I dont feel too old to go to Japan or whatever, I just feel like it would be a waste cause I would do the same thing I do here. And teaching English lol don't make me laugh.
I have no desire to become more social or "well-adjusted." I have accepted this life and don't dislike it.>>8458
I want those friends too. To be content just sitting indoors and occasionally leaving me alone for a while.
"so hard" girl i swear 2 god i will slap u … make the game!!!!! I'm trying to make my own pixel game right now and this tumblr post has a good little list of resources http://creategames.tumblr.com/post/101251138683/how-to-create-your-first-game[Archived
i recommend construct 2 or game maker cause you mostly just drag and drop shit. (game maker is more popular and old)
thenn look up videos like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bAmzbPVVRY
or for construct: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4yV9HdsLU
though i dont really know how you were learning before o: it'll definitely take some practice anon!
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Different anon, a throwaway email could work.
Also fuck, I wish I could give you all a hug.
I get along with people pretty good, I never get any close friends though. Its never been as bad as anyone here…all I really can say is I hope things look up and you can find contentment.
Always focus on yourself, never compare yourself to others. Strive to improve, but baby steps. Anything can be improvement. Its hard but possible, and you can do it.
Also, a suggestion for a group call thing: maybe try Teamspeak? How I've socialized for the last 2-3 years has been in a Teamspeak some friends I've made host. Only thing is someone has to host it or rent a server.
I'm a lesbian but I am never coming out. It is so scary and more people would hate me, like my parents are all i have.
Japan sounds nice but I probably would never be able to have fun even if I got to go because i hate being around people and prefer the comfiness of my home
Sometimes I run into genuinely nice people which I am glad are alive on this planet. I just realize I'm ok with not being able to be friends with them even if I changed. It either feels like I'm not missing out or like I totally miss out on _something_ I didn't figure out yet.
Same with any kind of relationship or social status related stuff. I wish I could make my mind up and finally decide if I want to be alone and live a loser life or want to have a somewhat 'normal' life.
I can totally relate to a lot of what you said, anon. I feel like an alien who doesn’t understand how humans work, and most people treat me as such. People seem really uncomfortable with me because I’m boring as shit and awkward, so most of the time they just act like I’m not there (even my own relatives).
I also have pretty narrow and mildly obscure interests (not video games though) and am not really into anything popular so it’s difficult to make even online friends. I can’t even imagine trying to make RL friends that most certainly have nothing in common with me.
>>8509>How about a chat
Here you are anon.https://chat.lolcow.farm>>>/meta/805
Someone can make a hiki channel, or just a general channel for socializing, or whatever you like.
I'm currently in a 2 year relationship, but we don't see each other too often because he's in a band that tours a lot, doesn't have a car, and he works a lot. >>9180
You're not pathetic, anon. Honestly, I feel like relationships are really overrated. I used to be like you before I got into a relationship. I thought it would fix all of my problems and it didn't fix anything at all. If anything, I think it gave me more problems.
Currently in 2 year relationship. Though he's a shut in as well so we really understand each other. We also went to school together from preschool to high so we have a lot of memories of the same places/people and even with each other. Ever since we moved in together it's only gotten stronger because we keep each other company but also are completely fine doing our own thing by ourselves. It's really awesome and I'm very lucky to have him.
Sorry for rambling, I just love him alot.
It's harder nowadays, no one talks. You've got to know people to know people, you've got to go out and make an effort or look a certain way or be a certain way, you've got to make time, you've got to have interests. Know things, have done things. Otherwise you're just boring.
To be honest, I was always that friend who would just linger with people I thought were my friends. Despite having SOME things in common with them. I learnt to accept that I'm just not an outspoken person, my interests are limited, I don't know much about the latest pop stars or tv shows. I've come to just, be happy with being me. A boring fuck, but I have interests just ones people I've met don't have.
I like doing things my way, in a certain way and take my time with things. I no longer feel like… I need to impress anybody. I just stopped caring anon, I did. At 21 I reflected on myself and thought "why do I even give a shit anyway?" I don't know why I didn't stop caring all those years ago.
If a friend comes, then a friend comes and if they stay then I'll try to adjust, make it work and let them in. But if nobody does, then I'll just keep moving forward in life. It can get lonely but I always tend to come out of it fine.
Thanks everyone for the replies, it's very interesting to hear what you all have to say. I am also curious as to the ages of many of you since some have said they have never had a significant other and wonder if it is because of age. But that's a bit weird to be surveying lol
Besides lolcow how many of you are into games/anime/shows/whatever. I noticed many claim to have little to no hobbies. Does this mean you only surf the web and stay on lolcow or?>>9377
No, it's not rambling. It's nice to hear that other anons are happy. I'm introverted and so is my significant other so I definitely understand the "I need to be alone" thing.>>9378
It's similar for me, I just don't understand people who all meet out of nowhere and somehow get along. As I don't know what to talk about with most and really don't relate to the way most people think or feel. I have to have a hobby in common or something. I'm also critically boring! It seems to be a common factor in people who fear other people lol
But maybe we just don't have a healthy view of ourselves.>>9180
It's not pathetic, anon. A relationship is not really worth something unless it's a good one and that can take time to find. I know a few who are in their mid twenties and have not yet been in a relationship. >>9197
Makes a good point.
I have hobbies. I play a lot of video games, enjoying watching anime/tv shows/movies. But I also enjoy reading, gardening and creative things like drawing, painting and prop making. I guess because I spend so much time at home and pretty much have no friends, I have a lot more time for things like that.
I don't think that "spark" really exists tbh. Idk, I never exactly felt any sort of spark with my bf, when I first met him, I just thought he was attractive, and I got with him because we're both like best friends. My parents' relationship is a lot like that as well and they've been together a lot longer than anyone else I know of. Idk where I'm going with this, what I'm basically saying is I don't think you should worry about what books/tv/music/etc says about love and just try to find someone who you're attracted to and you enjoy being around.>>9445
and while I do spend way too much time on the computer, I do study Japanese, play video games, bake, needlepoint, makeup, sew/make my own clothes, play 2 instruments, and I knit/crochet things. I find it strange someone wouldn't have any sort of hobbies when they live like this. But then again, the internet is really addicting and I only really do the things that I can do on while the computer.
>>9481>I find it strange someone wouldn't have any sort of hobbies when they live like this.
I feel like an idiot because I really have no hobbies outside of watching anime and doing stupid shit online like browsing image boards and looking at clothes. I'm too depressed to have the motivation to do anything, mainly because nothing brings me any joy at all. All I do is mindless scrolling on my laptop and I hate myself for it, and I want to change so badly but everything feels like such a chore. ;_;
At least this thread has made me feel way less alone when it comes to being a friendless hikki.
Hey anon, I am also 22 but just got a job after 2-3 months of not even applying due to various reasons. The first paragraph is me to T, I have not had human contact except things like at the store or my mom (who also did not pressure me to get a job). I interacted fine at my interview but am still really scared about starting.
The things that helped me was realising that although I think "everyones is laughing at me and thinks i'm pathetic" no one thinks about it except me. My brother is probably the only person who jokes about me, but I put it down to him having a pretty pathetic outlook on life (money/materialism = happiness). Basically, the only people who would judge like that are probably not anyone whose opinions you should care about.
For interviews, this is lame but I do a superhero pose before I leave my room and also remind myself about all the good qualities I have. I don't feel bad about a job if I don't get it because you don't have to see them again so there is not really a reason to be too self-conscious. Also, if you're applying to a job, then you mostly have the skills for it (sometimes there are things that can be learnt).
I also, read and try to practice stoicism (a philosophy) as best as I can. Here is a starting point:https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/the-great-philosophers-the-stoics/
Understanding the way that you are (the negatives I mean) is through terrible circumstances but you can change, and that over time people won't even remember/care this "old" version of you. That's what I am hoping to do.
Lastly, I am very sorry what happened to you, I hope you heal, learn and unlearn all the things you need to. I send lots of love through the sky to where ever you are.
Fair enough view, didn't mean to come across that way - lc isn't really for me ngl
Also thought the post was in a vent thread didn't know it was a neet thread. Oops