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When I was little and my mother had a different boyfriend to the one she has now. I used to hear them fucking at night in the next room, I know it's sick to say but I kind of enjoyed hearing the moaning and panting. Looking back, it's sorta hot.
I've never actually had sex… I've had like friends touch me when we messed around jokingly, I used to let my cousins poke me in my private parts when I was a little girl (they were girls) when we were rolling around the floor laughing and playing games. But sometimes I dunno… I just want someone to fuck me real bad. Like, sometimes I even want to meet up with some guy on craigslist.
I almost did… a year ago, but I saw him in person and he was ugly. I never actually met him, I just kind of hid and peered then left him standing there waiting/trying to call me.
I like porn… I don't always watch it. The first time I did was when I was eleven… It was when we first got the internet, I found some dodgy link when I was researching something for school and it was two lesbians… I just thought the whole thing was… immense, I mean looking back now it's shit as anything and fake… But I felt my insides squirming when I first ever saw two girls lick each other out. I didn't even know people did this! I was kind of innocent I guess, I mean I first found out about sex when I was six because of my dad's girlfriend's daughter telling me… She said "Didn't you know parents had sex?" and I was so clueless, I said "N-No? What is it?" and she told me. I wasn't bothered, I was more curious and I never told anyone because she promised me not to tell.
I'm actually bisexual… I've made out with a girl, I wish it DID lead to something else and if it ever does happen again I'll gladly fucking take the opportunity.
But I'd really like to be fucked by a guy… Just real, real good.
Oh my god… I'm such a pervert.
I kind of like it actually ;)
It happened at a party three years ago, since then I've kissed nobody :(
I miss it aha
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>used to be Rank 44 out of whole sophomore class (i'd guess around 800 students)
>received certificate for "all A's, one B"
>currently failing three classes bc I haven't turned multiple assignments
>been hiding this from my mom (who'd be furious with me for getting anything below a 95, let alone a 42)
>last week of school for me to try and make up for those missing assignments
I don't know what happened but I can't motivate myself to try anymore; I even have all my assignments right in front of me as I type this but I haven't started on a single one
happened to me this semester, I actually mentioned it in one of the threads because of how lousy I was feeling. I've had nothing but A's and A-'s for the last 3 yrs up until the semester, where I earned 2 A's, an A- and 3 B+'s. The latter 3 pissed me off so much because for all 3 classes, I earned an 89%, 89.02% and an 89.25% with no curves. I was so close to getting an A- on all 3 but it just didn't work out.
It's been a week since then and I can say I feel soooo much better. It really isn't a big deal. Don't put off your assignments due to you expecting low grades (been there before, made them up an hour before they were due on numerous occasions and surprised myself with how well I did). You can do this anon. you have before, the difference this time is that you don't want to.
However, you will be hitting yourself over the head for letting yourself get carried away like that and not doing your work. Just start.
At least cover one section of your work. If its essays, get the outline done and the intro, it should spark enough of a flame in you to do the rest.
Sometimes it helps to write a shitty version of what you'd turn in and then revise that.
Motivation here is key, and if you're like me it's probably a race against the clock that will get you to move. Hopefully it won't be like that, so just try something to lessen your load.
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I think I'm fixated on PT because she's what I'll be if I don't get my shit together. I'm 22, a college droppout, have barely worked, and have poor social skills due to being sheltered as a teen. I browse /pt/ and /r9k/ all day and don't get anything of value done.
During manic episodes, I try to build myself up as a sexy anime/alt whatever but I do it for the validation and attention. These episodes have ruined my rep, as it leaks onto FB and Twitter, where RL people can see my insanity.
Thankfully, my moods have stabled out, due to abstaining from doing so much drugs/alcohol, and the support of my bf.
Right now I live the NEET life, sleeping during the day, and spend almost all the time with my bf, who basically lives with me right now. I know it's unhealthy, but for now it's comfy. I'm trying to take care of myself more, help around the house, and learn more than basic cooking skills, but I know I have to go into the outside world for money eventually, as I don't have much savings and my bf doesn't have a job either.
I want to go back to school but I know I have to undo the effects of the depression first, and set up preventative measures.
I wish there was a job for females that didn't involve much social interaction, but I guess it can't be helped. I wish I wasn't math retarded, otherwise I could do coding or computer stuff from home – nobody wants art, but people always need to make websites.
I wish I was as feminine as my body suggests. I can get into the surface of makeup, cute clothes, and acting cute, but I always revert to my tru self in the end.
Tl;Dr –I relate too much to /pt/, can't into my expected societal role
That's actually pretty good advice, thanks!>>7626
and yeah, I'm one of those super-stressed girls.
I've wanted to be a children's cartoon animator since 3rd grade, yet I'm just stressing myself out struggling to maintain all A's in all Pre-AP classes. I've been considering dropping most of them but… I don't know, I also kind of want to keep my rank, and I think I'd be disappointing my mom because I've been in advanced classes since elementary school, and then that would have all been for nothing.
Ugh, sorry for the blog post
It depends, I don't aim to get A's but they happened anyway because I did all of my work, so it wasn't something I stressed over up until now. I'm also someone who happens to be interested in every subject I've taken except for one: bio. The reason I was pissed this semester was because I was sooo close to getting those other A-'s and it broke my streak, lol.
Also, I'm graduating from college this fall. I don't want those B's to affect my overall GPA when I apply to grad school, especially because I need my gpa to make a bit for the areas I don't have enough experience in since that is also factored into the acceptance decision.
A friend of mine has been rejected from every grad school she applied to because she was too relaxed about her grades, the same way she was in hs, only earning a 2.7 gpa. So it also depends on what you're aiming for. The grad school I'm applying to and which some of my friends are already in has a minimum gpa you have to have every semester or else you get dismissed from the school: a 3.0
Even if you don't like all of your classes here you're gonna have to make sure you get a good grade in them.
DO you know how many people have major depression, are suicidal, who have had depression since they're childhood, etc and still work, go to school because they find it necessary?
Obviously the vast majority of people with depression this severe are not able to function properly or to the best of their abilities but quite a number still force themselves to do so, especially when you consider people of other cultures who experience/perceive depression differently.
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i feel sexually violated by your whole post>no matter how hard i scrub, i'll never be clean
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Pity party thread? Okay.
I've been on a vodka bender for about a year after spending eight months getting turned down for work in my field. Yeah, I could have applied for service industry jobs, minimum wage is generous enough, but I really don't see what that would accomplish.
Pretty much all my savings is gone. I have enough money for one more jug, maybe two if I go mow some lawns. When that's gone I'm going to walk into the desert and open one of my common carotid arteries. Hopefully the coyotes will find me before the humans do. If anyone has to profit from my death, I don't want it to be humans.
You seem to have a really tough time anon. I can relate to some of what you wrote; I went through a deep depression myself and didn't tell anyone about it. Everytime I opened up about it, it felt like people were thinking of it as just me being bummed out since I always seemed to troop through it and have my shit together.
There isn't much I can offer as way of help. Tidying up your flat might be a start, do something small like throw out some trash. Maybe doing something concrete to change your environment for the better might help?
When my place was a total mess, I am talking Chris-chan tier here, after I cleaned out the whole place, I felt so, so much better. It was humiliating to let others see how bad it was, but there was also this dimension of relief that they now finally know how bad it was.
Are you me?
I've pretty much given up on this life. I'm done with it. No one will ever really love me and I will die alone. i'm hoping for reincarnation so maybe the next life will be better. So I can have "normal" things. Like love. I can't even talk to anyone anymore. I'm afraid they'll see me as some kind of unstable freak. hen I hear strangers laugh sometimes I think they are laughing at me because obviously I don't deserve to be around people.
No one listens to me either. When I try to tell my family I have problems they don't get it. So I gave up trying to get help from them.
Since I have an illness I keep hoping it will get worse and kill me. Even if death is just oblivion I'll take it over this.
>>7747>Everytime I opened up about it, it felt like people were thinking of it as just me being bummed out since I always seemed to troop through it and have my shit together.
I feel this so much. Every time I try to talk about my feelings, they just think it's a passing moment of sadness and ignore it while it's actually me trying to leak some of the thoughts that constantly run through my head. I can't afford a therapist at the moment but hopefully I could soon after saving up for it.
As for cleaning up, I do it every now and then and it cheers me up momentarily, but as I mentioned my apartment is so cramped that it's hard to keep it from becoming a mess again.
Woah there, this could have been written by me down to every last detail.
>But in real life I'm always positive and never speak about this stuff to anyone and make a joke out of every drawback my life comes across. It's partially because nobody takes me seriously since every time I try to talk to someone about my problems they freak out and bail on me because "it'll pass because I know you can do it, anon! you're always so strong and brave!".
This is one of the most frustrating parts. If I'm feeling brave enough to talk about how I feel it just doesn't make a big enough impact on the person I'm confiding in and I feel like a lying attention whore. I could be a sobbing mess at home but when it comes to speaking face to face I just can't express how I really feel and I end up awkwardly smiling from nerves. So people don't take me seriously and think it's just a single bad day or like you said, they get annoyed with your sudden negativity and distance themselves from you. Either way I end up feeling worse. As much as I'd desperately like support from close friends I've realized that it's a negative thing for me. Endlessly discussing a problem that has absolutely no solution (and by god, I have legitimately made efforts in multiple ways) just puts a constant damper on things and gets me down more. If it's something that could be worked on, then ok talk therapy could be alright, but I'm doing all the right things and am on a good non-destructive path and it's just not enough. Venting here is about as far as I'll go with bothering someone with my problems anymore.
Confession: i think I'm aromantic or something.
I'm just starting to hate the guys i run into. Whenever i talk to my boyfriend, the conversation somehow always comes back to sex, or is dick or something. And since i don't want to hear about that shit all the time, i talk to him less and less, (its long distance so it is a lot easier to just turn off my phone and ignore everything). I'm also getting tired of him anyway. I always do with guys. I don't know why.
I'm not the romantic type either, in fact I'm starting to think i have commitment issues. Whenever a guy talks about marriage or kids, I'm instantly turned off. I don't want kids, i keep telling you i don't like them. Don't go say "oh ur gonna change ur mind with me". I won't, now fuck off. Confessions of love actually make me slightly uncomfortable, so i end up nervously laughing, and unfortunately my boyfriend took that as blushing or something. I even told him i didn't feel the same way about him, but i guess he decided it didn't matter? Dunno. Like i said, I've kinda been ignoring him in favour of self reflection.
And this always happens. Guys say they love me or whatever, and its like… i don't feel anything for you. I usually get complements on my cool/cold personality, but i don't think they realize that it takes over who i am. I just don't feel emotions in the same way as others do, i guess. I mean, I'd like to, because it really does suck when someone is in love with you, and you have to tell them you aren't in love. I don't know what anyone sees in me. I'm not a caring person, I don't like to say i love you to anyone othet than family, because it feels like a lie.
It annoys me, because i know I'm not as great as people make me seem. I get it, I'm a girl who isn't ugly and likes the same things as you. I won't throw a bitch fit or argue about things like most girls do, because I'd rather just chill. That's no reason to want to marry someone at all. Trust me, you'll be hurt in the end. My lack of affection will bother you to no end if we're together long enough. You'll constantly think I'm cheating on you, you'll feel down.
I don't even know why i bother dating people. Well, actually… i know how it happens. I'm usually too awkward to tell a guy i don't want to date him, because i don't want to hurt feelings, even though i know pity dating them won't help either.
I just… i dunno. I keep hearing about how one day someone will come in and make me fall in love with them, and how i better hope they don't treat me theway I've treated others. But i doubt it.
This has been really bothering me actually. It suuucks.
i so feel you. i used to be this way. i really hate dudes, man. like, not ra ra feminist shill shit, but i just can't stand the conversation always coming full circle to busting a nut at some point. don't settle with anyone you're not feeling it for. guys suck. it's so hard to be a real person, it really is, and it's honestly jarring to be reminded of your sexuality/your sexual value/whatever, constantly, when you're just trying to become a whole person. don't waste your time with them unless you meet someone truly exceptional, anon. they hinder growth.
anyway, i found an awesome guy that has a low as fuck sex drive (they're really more difficult to come by than you'd think…) and we get along great. i was really uncomfortable with the romantic gestures because on my part, they were always insincere, but now it's very natural because he is a genuinely fantastic person and i hardly remember he has a dick, which is just excellent. i too was cynical about the marriage thing, and i still question how long he'll even be attracted to me for (idk people seem to have expiration dates when it comes to attraction), but i'm not so sure anymore. it might work if you're not getting hitched to the average joe, but then again, not really much of a point to it unless he wants it/financial reasons.
That's really selfish of you anon. I don't care how stupid your boyfriend is, just being with him because you don't want to die alone is selfish. If you want to slowly kill yourself, do it alone. No one deserves having to watch someone they care about kill themselves. It sounds like you deserve to die alone. You are both stupid. One isn't book smart and the other is stupid enough to kill themselves in such a way. You are no better than Ashe.
Honestly, what is it with some people with anorexia not giving a shit about anyone but themselves?
I'm glad someone gets how i feel, because honestly i was beginning to wonder if i was the problem. I mean, I'm glad you think I'm hot and you want into my "sweet vag" (yes he actually says that to me and it honestly makes me uncomfortable) but… i just want to talk to you as a person. I'm glad you're comfortable around me, but it doesn't mean you have to be crass and lewd.
Honestly i just thought he had a cute face and his friend insisted on hooking us up, even though i tols the dude not too. And its always that way… why are guys always so lewd. It's weird and honestly borders on being offensive. And they don't even take you seriously/get mad when you tell then it makes you feel awkward.
And the then they pull the i love you thing, which pushes me even further away.
I just don't know… i still feel like I'm being bitchy or something. It helps to know I'm not alone.
I could never cheat on him, even if I really want to have sex with her, I love him so much and I don't want to hurt him. But if I leave him he will be hurt, I know it…
Today I saw her and she didn't talk to me for the whole day, it was so embarrassing and infuriating to me…
I'm starting to think that I will leave him, do the things I want to do with her and finally stay alone, I'm starting to realise that I see him as a friend that I have to protect and who I enjoy cuddling and do soft sex with. And I don't really want to be in couple anymore.
So many question!
This is so first world problem next to the really bad situation all of you are going through…
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I'm starting to dislike my mom despite her being the only family I have and the only person I actually know and talk to.(not including anonymous boards)
I cannot find a job where I live, I have no schooling past high school and no special skills. I have never had a job before because I was an idiot and became a neet after high school. I'm 24. I regret it. No one will hire me.
I don't blame my mom for starting to hate me because I know how much of a disappointment I have become. Yet I'm still hurt by it. I'm tired of hearing her constantly going on about how I'm a bitch, or blaming me for everything when I'm not even at fault (her dropping milk and it's my fault because I opened it, falling on some ice and it's my fault because I wasn't walking in front of her, her burning her food because had I done it for her despite puking my guts out sick it would have been fine)
She'll get right in my face and scream down at me about how I'm lucky I haven't been kicked out to the streets. She's also slapped me around a few times and I feel so stupid that I'm an adult who is scared of her own mother sometimes. We used to get along.
I don't want to have to resort to stripping on camera to earn some money just so I can move out. I really don't want to go in to that line of work.
I just want to make some money and leave and start over on my own.
Are you me?
Hang in there anon. Just get away from your toxic mum.
I have very similar issues anon. I ended up looking up a sexual health therapist. It helped me. It fucking saved my ability to have sex.
she made me feel less guilty about my fantasies, how to develop them into healthy things I can share with partners. I have now had a boyfriend for 3 years when I never thought I could date again. He is tender and kind and sweet, and a monster in bed who loves doing weird and depraved shit with me.
there is hope. I have so much for you <3
I would recomend you to try to get help with a therapist.
My mother has suffered depression during my whole childhood (well she is still suffering from it and she will live with that for all her life…), she has even ben to a nursing home for a few month when I was 5-6 yrs old, be she never handled her depression very well. Didn't taker her medication, or not like she should have been.
A few year ago she started taking her problem really seriously and she take medication and have a group therapy once a week. It changed her in an incredible way, and I know that the person that she is now is the "real" her. Not that scary angry sad and who was constantly suffering person that I knew for all these years.
Please take care, people around will forgive and most importantly ; you will be able to have brand new relationship, letting go that suffering and those bad habit that you have now :)
whoa anon. i know all these feels. i tried so hard to form a normal relationship with my mom but there was a breaking point where i realised this wasn't going to work. she didn't consider herself toxic
now, hey, working fucking retail is what got me away from home. i don't even care i don't make that much money because you can't put a price tag on peace of mind and a place where nobody's going to fucking yell at you for no reason
i know finding a job is hard but give it your best and keep trying. it's even harder when there's a psycho bitch preying on your hurt but tough it out! i believe in you!
>no one will hire me
well i hope nobody kicks me for this but i'm pretty sure fast food places etc. will. unless you think that's beyond you. a job is a job
Anon are you me?
I have the exact same thing, but most of the girls shitting on other girls size are insecure as fuck themselves and sometimes even fatties or simply trolling
The name calling, body shaming, etc is just the female version of calling everyone a nigger faggot.
Considering that literally everyone is called a fatty with a pig nose I find it hard to take any of it seriously. Most cows aren't as pretty as they think but not many are legit ugly either.
i'm therapist anon.
some rape stuff. some incest stuff. some dom stuff. some sado/pain stuff.
Therapist informed me that it's all pretty "normal."
I'm an only child and I have a fantasy about an older brother figure taking my virginity. Therapist taught me that I'm not thinking about a real older brother, but an older and protective, strong male figure. So boyfrand and I roleplay him taking my virginity. He acts very dominant and strong and sure of himself and it gets me off.
Just an example.
I only date younger men, or younger-looking men. I like them to act as my little brother and I like to dominate them. I don't want to fuck my actual brother, I just went through a similar thing of being manipulated/molested by someone I trusted and looked up to so I get off on turning the tables. It still feels weird because I do have 3 younger brothers.
The guy I am talking to right now is into dom/sub stuff and I THINK he would be OK with the incestuous overlay (we are both into anime lel) but idk it's one of those things I feel like will either be met with "YEAH let's do it" or "you're disgusting." We already have the right dynamic, so I'm afraid of messing things up.
I guess I know this kind of thing is fairly common (or the imouto-type wouldn't be so common) but hrm I don't know.
I'm also into shotacon…it's not because I'm into kids, it's because I'm into the idea of a young-looking/innocent childlike figure and taking care of them/taking advantage of them. So basically same as above. But that's one that I hate liking. The rational side of me knows that it's not because I like children and frankly understands why I'm attracted to it, then the part of me that knows everyone views lolicon and shotacon fans as pedos feels like I'm a sick fuck.
you do sound super salty tho. what do you care about someone else's grades? you do you. that's all you gotta do.
are you one of those people that always complain at work? do you know how fucking annoying they get?
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Honestly, I'm really getting tired of the way my bf treats me when he talks shit about my appearance. It's gotten to the point where that I get anxious when he looks at me, because he always says SOMETHING that pisses me off. Like, "Your make up looks cakey, why can't you wear your make up properly?" Or sometimes he does these backhanded compliments like, "You look really ugly with your hair down, but when you tie it up, it's pretty" He also talks about other girls CONSTANTLY while we are out, calling them sexy and telling me what about them makes them sexy/attractive etc.
The worst he goes on about is my weight. He treats me like I'm fucking morbidly obese (For the record, I'm 5'7 and 130lbs. Not really skinny but not a fucking hambeast) and that I can't 'handle' exercise. The other day he went on and on about how he wants to exercise together and blahblahblah, and I told him that really liked the idea. But then he started on again, "Hey, I don't think you'll be able to run far though…" While I am the one who actually jogged as a hobby in the past. He's never jogged more than 5 minutes in his lifetime. He's also the type of guy that will say, "Hey, let's eat pizza together. Oh wait, pizza has a lot of calories, maybe you shouldn't eat it. I guess I'll just eat it myself then"
He always tells me that I should really exercise more. As if I wouldn't if I had the extra time. I work 10 hour days so I can afford my rent and eat, and when I'm not working, I'm studying for some stupid test or writing some stupid paper so I can graduate early. I fucking miss exercising everyday and doing more than just 60 squats in the morning before work.
He's really making me self conscious about my weight again, and I haven't been this way in a while. I used to constantly not eat and restrict myself because of the fear of gaining weight. I've had it under control for about 6 months now, but every time he grabs my thigh fat and makes a comment about how squishy they are compared to his, my desire to just not eat anything comes back.
BF is Korean, and all of my Koreaboo friends are like "IT'S JUST THE CULTURE , DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ANON" but I've dated plenty of Korean guys and they've never commented on my weight or appearance in a negative way, and I was significantly fatter at the time too.
What a fucking piece of shit he must be really insecure to say such bullshit. Korean or not this is fucking awful and a disgusting behaviour to have. Dump his ass ASAP. Your weight is perfectly fine anon you are nowhere near fat anywhere in the world (am half korean myself and no we do not expect everyone to supah aegyo stick thin idorus nor all think you have to be like this to be pretty/cute/…) and you can eat that motherfucking pizza next time take a big bite and look at him in the eyes like "oh? what are you gonna do?"
Seriously dump him this is a huge redflag as said previously. You arent even ugly i am sure, he's just being an asshole for no reason (other than putting his insecurities on you maybe). Stay safe anon and don't let him bring you down
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I feel really envious of many of my friends from high school. I don't have any ill intentions towards them, and I love them, but I can't help but be jealous of their successes (most of us have graduated college this past month).
One of them is a super sweetie pie guy moving to Maryland to work in a college as a TA. Another just bought a brand new car, and moved to Vermont to work as an engineer. One girl works in a genetics lab by day, and is an exotic dancer at night. My best friend is a freelance videographer who travels to different states and also will be working for Apple.
I know they've worked hard for these things, and I have my own "successes" under my belt, but…they're out doing all these great and stable things while I'll be in my home state, drinking cheap vodka and trying to find work in my "desired field," and in the meantime…….working as a camel handler. Some people have said "that's so cool!!" but inside I just feel like a complete joke.
Obsessively reading about ED lolcows and fat lolcows have made me develop disordered thought patterns towards food and exercise. I notice that I get anxious whenever I eat something that's high in calories, and when I don't exercise.
I don't even consider myself fat, I guess it's more about being afraid of becoming fat so I try to pre-emptively lose weight instead? I'm 160cm 53kg and I really shouldn't even lose weight because I donate blood regularly and there's a weight minimum of 50kgs.
My self-confidence is at an all time low, and it's affecting my relationship negatively because I don't enjoy intimacy anymore and my bf thinks that it's because I find him unattractive. Which isn't entirely false, though it stems from his lack of self-confidence and in turn, his lack of taking care of his appearances. He feels like shit so he looks like shit so I don't find him attractive so he feels like shit, it's a loop of negative feedback. I feel like shit, so I spend even more time looking good, but still feeling like shit, so I push everyone away from me.
Eh, sorry for the incoherent word vomit, I'm not feeling super great rn and I just needed to vent. Future ana-chan over and out.
Anon we have the exact same height and weight!!
I used to fucking hate my body and this is gradually going away since this year somehow? Am 25 now. I thought i was fat and that i should watch what i ate and move my ass (hate sports so i walk a lot and stay active) or else i would be at and even gaining one kg made me sick with fear. We arent stick thin but we arent chubsters or even less Quirky size. Its totally ok to eat something high in calories sometimes and watch how you eat and how you move your bum but do not obsess over it your weight is nowhere near fat and if you continue reasonably watching what you eat and how you move you will never become fat ever. And even if gain like 5kg by being really lazy (happened to me when depressed i woulf lay i my bed all day and eat fries a lot for several months) You can totally get back on the traxk by moving more,doing little exercices at home like pilates or squats/plank/… every fay and eating less and healthy. I had a ED and still kinda have it but i try to be positive and tell myself that i am ok,that i do not need to be supee thin or super curvy either to be cute,cute comes in a sorts of sizes and shapes ye know. Also its negative to stay too much on boards like lolcow and cgl where "fatty" and "ugly","chubby",…is thrown around for no reason sometimes. It's like the female equivalent of males calling each other a nigger and a faggot. So dont really pay too much attention. And fat lolcows are fat for being REALLY lazy bums and eating loads of junk mostly (Charms)
Ana lolcows are ana bc they are sick,its an illness it isn't normal to be the way they are in their head so dont care about anas standards. Really.
Sorry for the wall of text and hope you will be safe
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What do you drink? I've got Skol right now. Sometimes Taaka is on sale for like $5/liter. I love this stuff.
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I can get a 1.5L of pretty nice tasting stuff for about $12.
tbh I'd be pretty down with a tinychat or something where we all just drink cheap shit and hang out. different from the other meetup. it'd probably divulge into a lot of depressing topics, though.
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Wow this place is a fucking madhouse. Y'all know that there places where you can get help on the cheap right?
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I will be frank though. not to big on having to sell my blood plasma to make ends meet, getting sick of my low wage job, and all I want to do is live comfortably. thank god I'm too old and not in the right demographic to get into this reationship bullshit
pretty sure my boyfriend hates me because i'm a lifelong depressed/anxious neet high school drop out shitbag with no ambition, that's fucking hideous, on top of it. i don't even know if he's my boyfriend anymore. he insults me, then ignores me for days, so i have no idea. it's really killing me because i really don't have anyone else. my entire family is physically and emotionally abusive and i have no friends. right now i have a really fucking awful gastric ulcer that i'm pretty sure is the result of not eating in combination with binging on stimulants or alcohol when we got into fights and he ignored me for days on end while i was having emotional breakdowns, and the overall stress that my family causes (calling the police on me for no reason, threatening to call the police on a near daily basis, threatening to sue me, etc). i'm really scared it's going to perforate and i'll have to have major surgery. he doesn't care and keeps antagonizing me, and then ditching me for days on end with no acknowledgement at all, no matter how much i plead, or beg or apologize. i can't even drive myself to the doctor because my license was revoked (medical). really think he's done with me, and all i wanted to do was live for him, and take care of him. i have nothing in this life that i give a shit about, except for maintaining a close bond with my best friend/partner. i fucked that up, now he hates me and wants nothing to do with me.>>8322
drop him. he's disgusting. never speak to this person again. what an embarrassment of a human being. don't waste any more of your time on this nightmare-inducing, syphilitic turdball. this is absolutely unacceptable. you will find better. move on now, before you regret having wasted anymore time on him.
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I used to be obese, then lost a lot of weight and now I'm normal weight.
It's not enough though, I've always liked the way thin people look so now I want to go a lot further. I want to go as far that people tell me I've become too thin.
I'm not anorexic or anything, I still eat enough, get all my nutricients and I've never purged. Taking it really slow (because I have bad self-control)
Posting Cara because she's my inspiration.
Oh and I also feel bad for having her as my inspiration since she's a lot younger than me…I feel so old (30)
I love Cara; I want her to sit on my face.
Anyway, I don't think she looks too thin at all. She looks to be around 17-18 BMI. And don't worry about people implying you're anorexic, usually people (especially girls) just get jealous when they see others thinner than them especially because the average girl (in the U.S. at least) is fat.
If you're looking into more inspiration, Alexa Chung is skinnier and 31 years young :)
I feel brainwashed.
Recently, I feel like I fucked up. I live with a schizophrenic/bipolar brother who constantly abuses my mum, I'm young (19) and it's been bothering me ever since he almost killed me by setting a house fire while I was asleep. Growing up, he'd always been the cool brother, we'd play games, laugh, watch videos. Now, I fucked up, I just did. He once strangled my mum because she was coughing. (Coughing triggers him). He keeps saying that he's not sick, and that my mum put him on the meds. He keep saying my other siblings were mean to him, so he get to be mean with him. Those words just entered my head. I'm not sure what to believe. Recently I snapped and got into an altercation which got him removed out of the house permanently. I feel like everything is my fault, like that if I weren't born, he'd be normal. My mum insist it's fine, but I just can't deal with it. It's driving me to the edge. I've thought of suicide many times because I live with this guilt. I try getting help, but I feel paranoid, like he can hear anything I say, or when I cough, he can hear it from wherever it is.
I'm so close to dying, it's unbelievable. I picked a field I truly dislike, because he wanted to do that field. I was gonna go into CS, but he said he'd do it.
Why am I letting this person ruin me?
I think anon was trying to quote the other thread where this other anon claimed her sister was ~so abusive~ and she ended up being the abusive one. The time the anon is quoting is that, her sister never used her piano, so she went ahead and got piano lessons before asking for her parents to buy her own shit and went to her sister to ask for the piano. When the sister said, "no wtf this is mine." She threatened suicide and the sister got punished or beaten or something like that.
Anyways, not implying you're the abusive one, just clearing stuff up.
>read issues of Pure by Peter Sotos because "how bad could it be lol"
>it's all boring shit. lots of Naziwank, /pol/-tier opinions, murder-rape fetishism, Sotos idolizing the Moors murders, etc
>"lmao whatever, i've read and seen worse stuff"
>get to this part detailing how very young children were raped and/or prostituted in a nursery school and brainwashed into being too scared to tell anyone
>usual "wow he was a child molester hero xDD", shit obviously meant to offend
>there's this huge fucking fanfiction of it smack dab in the middle
>try to read through it to prove to myself I'm tough
>progressively get more disturbed and disgusted
>become very anxious and upset after the facr, almost as if the horrible things being described + the intimidation tactics happened to me or something
>now feel like shit whenever I hear, read or see anything related to rape, child abuse, etc
>read that someone was molested in a 4chan thread
>felt sick and hid said thread immediately
>the edge was too strong
Guys, don't make the same mistake I did. You'll just end up with some shitty second-hand trauma. It always seems like you're desensitized or you won't give a fuck, but please just avoid things that are based on deeply upsetting topics whenever you can. Sooner or later it will fuck you up when you least expect it. I thought I was cool because I could Google "necrotic anus" without flinching and liked bullshit Tumblr <3soft guro<3 and the look of injuries. I was fucking wrong. Jesus Christ.
Yeah that's probably true since I now have the weight I had when I was 17. Back then my mom said I was too chubby, now she says I'm not allowed to lose any more weight…
I blame the fat accepting society of these days.
Thanks for naming Alexa Chung, I have new inspiration now and won't have to feel too old!
I have that too, I feel guilty when I watch porn and/or masturbate but we really shouldn't. It's a natural thing to do and you know almost everyone does it.
People do find me prudish at times but I prefer to call it having class.
While I don't know about Peter's actual intent reading his works changed how I view things like Nancy Grace. From his perspective that's pornography. I think more people should have their eyes opened to the problems that this kind of media represents, something softer would be the Brass Eye pedophilia episode.
You can find far worse things in 4chan threads. The important thing is to maintain that sort of ambivalence to it so you can argue against the bad people. If you get emotionally compromised in any way by it you're a target. If you simply call someone out for being disgusting (and hopefully a few others will come out and join you) you're doing your part to push those views back where they belong, into the fringe. Pro rape threads on /r9k/ are the best example I can give of this, it's harder to do battle in the misogyny threads but when the nastiness is that blatant even the people there don't tolerate it.
>>9690>but I can specifically remember him even saying ''you sure do say no alot'' and he kept going.
The moment one person says no, they're not consenting anymore and the other person should stop….even if you consented before.
I'm sorry but your friends sound really shitty.
I'm not doubting your story, but in the days immediately after the event, did you feel like you'd been raped (but just did not want to disclose it)? Since this happened 2 years ago, it's not unheard of to remember things that didn't happen. So what do you remember about what you remembered shortly after the event, rather than what you remember about the event itself?
If those memories all line up, then yes you were very likely raped and should press charges.
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and four months. We've been living together for a year. I'm really into anime and lifting, and while he was interested in those things before, he was really just a studious good guy and avid runner. Now he always watches anime and goes to the gym with me, which is awesome. We both like similar activities like taking walks, going to the city, etc. We've also had horrific failures in our past relationships as well as "dark" pasts.
We never fight. We have good sex almost every day. We contribute to the household equally and completely trust one another with money. He never complains. Ever. He's truly a good guy and husband material, but he's honestly so fucking boring.
I'm tired of "leading" activities. I always try to talk about ideas like artistic ones or just philosophical ones, for a lack of a better word. Not any deep stuff, but just general opinions on life. I'm not very intelligent, but he is obviously at least very book smart judging by all his academic acheivements. I dont understand why he literally doesn't answer me. If he does, be blatantly changes the subject. He only likes to talk about mundane things. Sometimes he just generally lacks an opinion on stuff because he says he either doesnt care to give it thought or the idea has never crossed his mind.
He has told me before that his exes have cited his boringness as a reason to break up. I thought I could keep things interesting, but he won't engage with me sometimes. He's so passive that it is a one sided conversation or activity.
Last night, I was feeling pretty down. I dont know if I have depression, but he has told me that my daily thoughts are abnormal. He is the one that says i am likely depressed and suffer from small anxiety attacks as well as derealization. But those are just his thoughts from the one time he actually spoke to me about it. He understands that i dont want professional help. I'm opposed to medication because of my past and what ive seen it do to friends.
Anyway, that was a tangent issue. when I want to talk about my feelings, he just ignores it. The few times I have broken down in tears, he just starts crying too and doesn't say anything. It's weird because otherwise, he's an articulate person.
I am just dissatisfied on an emotional and… intellectual? level. Don't get me wrong – I am not trying to say i need scholarly mental stimulation. I would just like to discuss things like moral and spiritual views on a layman's level.
He never wrongs me, but I also feel like he lacks personality and ambition to the point that i am basically with an android. Ive brought it up two or three times, and he has either cried or remained silent. I wonder if I should just end it. It's a nice, stable relationship, but I am happy when I am alone, too. After all, I would have more freedom to move around and travel while I'm still young and unattached.
Sounds like he really isn't interested in this stuff, so why forcing him to fake it? You obviously lack something that just isn't there on his side. Maybe get the problem straighter across like >>9976
There's this guy from /r9k/ I was friends with since like 2013. He always made like flirtatious comments toward me despite knowing I was/am underage (i talked to him since i was 14, he is 22 now) and I brushed it under the rug until something that I did recently made me realize that that shit is neither excusable nor okay.
I did my best to calmly explain to him that it wasn't fine for him to be saying those sorts of things to me, it made me uncomfortable besides and that I still wanted to be friends with him but I didn't want to hear stupid comments about him wanting a harem of me or whatever, but he just went on about how he still feels like a retarded 12 year old despite being in his 20s and how he's "not really an adult" and I'm "not a full-on teen" (I'm still in HS???).
I got annoyed by this, plainly repeated what I said before (ie stop making sexual comments at me) and he flat-out said "I don't think that's likely to happen". At that point, I got really buttmad and said I was going to bed. In response, he complained that I made him feel "bad enough to bang his head against a wall" and told me to go fuck myself.
I don't even fucking know anymore. I don't want to dump him as a friend, especially since he's struggling with all sorts of things (he is depressed, suicidal, his family is both mentally and physically abusive to him, and he has autism which makes things even more difficult) and his gf broke up with him recently, but I'm really fucking irritated and the things he sometimes says genuinely creep me out.
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I havent posted for a while. I've abandoned most of my online accounts. I don't text friends, I avoid speaking.
I have realized I am a truly awful person. Each day, I hate myself moe and more. I can only feel the anger I have toward myself. I am stupid, inconsiderate, awkward, unfathomably ugly, fat, weird, uncharismatic, an awful friend and an even worse girlfriend. I can see nothing in myself but an inescapable, despicable monster.
i keep myself awake all night and all day, anxiously thinking of all the people i have hurt. All the people no longer in my life, all the people who will realize how truly awful I am and leave me. i fear i will eventually be completely alone. which is how it should be; I am nothing but poison.
i have an uncomfortably big secret that could ruin my life if it were let out. i'm so scared, i have nightmares about it.
i can feel no joy. everything is tainted with futility and the hate for myself which drives every action i take.
i realy want nthing more than to die. i feel only emptiness, only a sad awareness of the futility of life and the unceasing fragility of all i hold near. my life feels as though it is constantly falling apart. i can feel nothing but sharp pain, anxiety, paranoia, anger, desperate sadness, futility and self-loathing. i am completely empty inside. i am incapable of anything good. i have ruined every relationship i have ever started. i am deathly afraid of losing anyone else. i want only to disintegrate.
rant over. sorry everyone. i will go back to being mostly silent. i just want every word i've ever said to disappear. i wish i had never existed. i'm sorry.
>>10051>stupid>inconsiderate>awkward>unfathomably ugly>fat>weird>uncharismatic>awful friend>worse girlfriend
All those things are fixable bb. Educate yourself, read books, get a harmless hobby like music/art/dance/web-design. Or join a common interest forum like for talking about reptiles, or anthropology, or alien conspiracy, or whatever you are even slightly interested in. keep yourself blissfully occupied with that. Get makeup and watch a shit ton of tutorials specifically to enhance your face shape, eye color etc, I guarantee if you become a pro it will level up your looks by at least 60%. Awkward/weird/uncharismatic doesn't matter. Look at the ginger bitch from Frozen, she was made to embody that shit. Buy a small animal like a turtle or hamster, or something whose life depends on you feeding and interacting with it. GET THERAPY. learn a new language. it takes a lot of time and forces you to stop thinking about distracting shit and focus on it. Watch documentaries of people living in North Korea, then you'll see your life ain't so bad.
I know this probably sounds hard, but please don't be a selfish parent, don't forget to give your kid some love, or at least just pretend to.
Don't ruin this childs life.
"biological clock" doesn't exist in males. It literally means the timespan a woman has left before her eggs are no longer good enough. Men are still fertile way into their 70's. "30 year old man having his biological clock" is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Like a 14 year boy saying he's gonna get his period any day now.
I'm seriously mad at weak you were with this extremely serious decision. There are millions of woman who straight up tell their partner and their family "I'm never having kids, period. Don't ever talk to me about this, it's not happening". Your husband could have shipped up or shipped out with that decision.
Mte, but part of me doesn't want to say it openly, because I can see Tumblrinas jumping down my throat for it.
For a little bit I thought she might have been the hitman sent after Alex but nope, she was just there to get her tits out. PROGRESSIVE.
I really like this guy for over a year, and I finally got the courage to tell him. We don't talk about it for a few weeks (lol I told him during finals week bc I was in a half drunken spur and decided "FUCK IT WE HAVENT'T TALKED IN 3 WEEKS I HAVE LITERALLY NOTHING TO LOSE") and when we do talk about it, he says, "Obviously I like you, but…"
"But…" being that we live around an hour by train+bus away from each other (it's not as bad as it sounds lol), that we go to universities that are about 4-6 hours away from each other, and that I will be going abroad for a year to study, and the year I come back he'll be going to pharmacy school (and his first choice is in cali).
When I broke up with my ex-girlfriend during my junior year of high school, it left me an emotional mess and as close to depression as I could possibly go without actually having depression. I felt like a vase, I felt emptied, tortured, unhappy, and constantly wanted to off myself every waking moment of my life. It took me two years of finding my own method of properly coping and loving myself for once in my life to finally fix myself. Ever since then I've been so terrified of ever liking anyone ever again, or even getting into a relationship because my last breakup basically ruined my life and what very little emotional stability I even had to begin with.
And now that I'm okay (or, what I think is okay), and someone likes me back… but we can't be together because of our distance and situations… it's like god's laughing at me and saying "fuck you, this is what you wanted and this is what you'll get."
I feel like I should just fucking live with it because I never wanted to have another relationship after my last one and I'm okay with it, but what if this one could work out? What if I could be happy in this one and it would all be okay??? It's a shitty annoying thought and I constantly think about us dating but it's shitty because I know it'll never happen because he doesn't want something so long distance. Even the distance between our homes seems like too much (even though it's really not. Just one long train and bus ride away).
sorry for my SHITTY RELATIONSHIP whining. i just wanted to get this out there. :( it's also shitty bc i'm constantly scared of another, prettier girl with a better personality than me swooping in and wooing him. even if we won't date, situations like that are always kinda hard to deal with, aren't they? fuck he's like 100/10 in my book and i'm so angry. i dont want anyone to sit on his dick but me.
This may seem really weird to confess about, but I'm an emetophile. Started since I was a wee child, sexual shit started from watching weird things on the internet so I'm still pretty young(late teens). I'm quite a daydreamer so it's hard to get my mind off of that stuff. But whenever I try to watch porn/regular ol' YT videos or something, but no matter what I do I feel like someone or something is always watching(Like God when my parents were still insisting Christianity on me). Got worse after the NSA shit happened, even if I know they wouldn't watch a harmless girl like me. Anyway, I just feel really bad after watching, and I just lay in my bed and evaluate my life. :( Feels great but worse if it's a celebrity that I like…. Since I'm a K-pop fag, those recent reports of Kai or Chenyeol getting sick and stuff made me feel all bubbly inside but I felt bad cause I still want them and the rest to stay safe.
I guess I wish there were more of us out there so it wouldn't feel so weird. Plus all the emetophilic porn on tumblr are either outdated, not free (poorfag), or ugly and cartooning.
Sorry if this grosses you fellow cows out, but I wanted this off my chest, no other place has a confession board anonymous. ♥
Sorry if the rest is unintelligible, it's 5:40 in the morning this has been eating me out:(
I hope you're also fact checking since there's a huge potential to be fed wrong or inaccurate information on tumblr.
Anyway, it depends a lot on where you are in the world (probably America), then the state as well. School isn't necessarily there to teach you things like independence (most systems regulate that to your parents/guardians, however flawed that may be), prejudice maybe but that depends on what kinds of classes are offered at your school, dealing with/recognizing abuse is also highly dependent on what kind of classes/programs your school offers.
Schools are supposed to follow a state/country approved curriculum. There are A LOT of things in the world to learn about, but schools only have so much time or resources to pursue all of those avenues. They really just pick and choose what they think is the most important (you may feel otherwise about that). The mistake that many people make is that they think school is necessary to teach you anything. They can only do so much. If you're really interested in pursuing new subjects you have to learn how to do it yourself. And that's mostly what schools are teaching, besides the basics in any subject, they teach you how to study, provide resources for further study, and all of that.
>>11318>If you're not satisfied with school, you must be an anti-intellectual who hates math!
Yeah nah fuck off, elitist. People like you are literally the problem.
Btw, learning anything more than rudimentary math can definitely be a waste of time if you have dyscalculia or are certain you won't be using more than the amount necessary for daily life in the future.
I feel really ugly and fat and I seek validation from others because it feels impossible to accept myself. My weight fluctuates a lot and even when I'm technically "thin" or "average sized" I still feel huge so I don't even know if working on my body will help.
I literally always see something wrong with myself and my mind blows it up 200x so I feel like everyone is watching and can see that I'm disgusting. It's been fucking me up since I was 12 and I can't even make friends or be social because I'm convinced everyone must hate me because I'm so hideous and weird on the inside and outside. I'm not really sure what to do, there are no actual therapists or psychologists in my country (what we DO have are these fucked up prayer camps where they literally chain people to trees for days and nights on end to "drive out the demons", and mental hospitals might as well be jails because everyone who gets sent to one here is literally treated as if they were subhuman and there's like one doctor for 10,000 patients) and I've long since realized people validating me and telling me there's nothing wrong with me doesn't work because I'm convinced they're lying to make me feel better.
I don't know how to fix myself or be confident or brave. I don't know how other people do it, either. It's one thing to sit at home and say "I am just as good as anyone else. I am great. I am OK. I deserve to be respected, I am a valid human being. I matter,", but when the time comes that you actually have to go out, meet other people and think about yourself and where you stand with them, how others think of you, how you think of yourself, how even you don't like yourself….no.
It also doesn't help that whenever I try opening up to people about these things they tell me I'm just young and I'll grow into my skin eventually. It doesn't feel like things will get better at all, and the thought of staying this way forever terrifies me.
Thank you :)
I've moved on already (thank god)
I should've clarified: I miss the intimacy, not my ex exactly.
wow thats messed up that she doesnt try to help you get to the root of the problem…
maybe find someone new if you can? or try a little soul searching. i know thats easier said than done but at least you are realizing all of this while its still pretty early. please get help while you can.
funny thing is, you're not the first stranger to tell me this today lol. me and a classmate stayed late after class while they were setting up for the next class's lab and I was telling her how EVERY single time I go see her she always asks if I'm interested in having a relationship right now and EVERY time I'm like 'uhh… no. no not really. not right now anyway. i have more important things I need to worry about' and one of the girls setting up the lab said "sorry to eavesdrop, but I think you need to get a new therapist"
i get so god damn irritated when she asks too because almost every time I bring up that I have trouble making and keeping friendships and she barely addresses that and then literally sometimes pulls the relationship thing out of nowhere like "hello?? are you even listening to me?"
not to mention she's the one who diagnosed me with adhd inattentive type (which I don't doubt at all looking at all the evidence, but im always so paranoid my diagnoses isn't legitimate) but has done very little to help me with finding efficient coping mechanisms for that. she doesn't even ask how the meds are working.
she's a nice lady i just think she kinda sucks at hee job. i still like the fact that I can just talk about shit and not really feel too judged but still I know I could get that exact same feeling and much more with someone better. i feel like I'm wasting my money.
Holy shit man, you need a new therapist. Right fucking now.
I had a terrible therapist who made me feel like shit constantly for like, a year. Changed to a lady just down the hall and it changed my views on therapy for the rest of my life. I promise you should find someone who helps you. Especially if you are paying them.
Previous times someone found out didn't go so well…when my dad accidentally found out (years ago), he wanted to kick me out of the house. luckily my mom stopped him.
I don't want people to make fun of me for this or worse, get institutionlized or that it might be put on my medical file.
I don't really cut that bad and it rarely bleeds a lot, usually just a tiny bit.
yeah women aren't perfect cuties like in your animes
instead they are basically same fuckups as men but with different body parts
it really sucks how I don't really take notice of these things right away…
can't believe I forgot to mention her go-to solution anytime I tell her about situations where my anxiety seems to be the worst.
"do you remember that breathing exercise I showed you? why don't you try that?"
I rarely act like myself around everyone because im scared they'll judge me.
I'm very soft, feminine and i speak slowly however when i acted that aka myself, the girls were saying i'm fake and that to be strong you need to cuss, act trashy, etc.
it makes me sad
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I'm bitter as fuck and jealous of most of my friends and I hate it. I have diagnosed depression, social anxiety, anorexia and a few physical diseases, which have all been going for many years, and they drain the life out of me, and I rarely get the energy to do much at all. Every time I see my friends who don't have any mental or physical illnesses and have the energy and time to do shit, I feel so fucking mad and bitter. I know it's not fair towards them, but I really can't stand seeing them living their dreams and getting everything they want when I physically cannot do the same. Or maybe I'm just using it all as an excuse, I dunno. I'm just too bitter for my own good, and it's destroying my friendships. I mean, I'm not a bitch enough to say anything TO them, I just don't talk to some of them… almost at all nowadays, because I'm just… too jealous, I guess. I don't know. Shit fucking sucks and I feel like a terrible person and a friend, but every time I talk to them or see them, I just end up feeling more awful than I did before. I just wish I was lucky like them and didn't have all this shit on me, I guess. All my physical diseases were ones I was born with, and I feel like it's so unfair. But I also know I'm being unfair towards my friends, so… Ugh. I don't know what to do. I just want to get my shit together and be a decent person again.
We're on the same boat here..
I'm 22, used to be popular with the girls and boys alike, smart enough to skip a few grades and graduated when I was 19 with a bachelor degree. I don't know when it all started, but I get really depressed nowadays. After I graduated from uni, I didn't even come out of my room for a whole year. Talked only to my mom and dad during that time.. and they're barely even home. Now I meet my friends once every few months or so. I get really bitter seeing them living out their life and achieving their dreams, when I'm kinda stuck here.. i just can't seem to get my shit together.. it's been over 2 years and i don't even have a job, i'm too scared to come out of my room, talking to people terrifies me.. honestly i can't even talk normally anymore.. i sleep most of the time.. and everything in this life lose all its color to me. I used to get excited over small things like my favorite ice cream flavor or shopping for new dresses for an upcoming party, now i just don't care about anything.
i hear you guys.
i have mental illness too
im not trying to play the "who has it worse" sympathy game but… at least you guys have friends. i have no friends lol. i don't even care though. its one of those 'that would be nice' things but then i have my cats
I didn't see your previous post, but I really identified with this one and couldn't help but stop scrolling to put in my two cents.
I've been in the same boat as you before. I ended up telling my parents that I was 'cured' just to get them to stop 'wasting' their money (as I thought of it then), but I wouldn't recommend this to anyone else as it ended up backfiring horribly on me in the long run.
Part of the reason I thought it was a 'waste' was because I had such low self-esteem at the time that I didn't consider myself worth the investment. It sounds like you might be in similar condition.
Approach it as straight-forwardly as possible.
Tell them that you're not getting any assistance from these sessions. Explain that you need someone who can suggest coping methods for you, and this woman has given you absolutely no helpful feedback. Use the eye surgery as an example of how she seems far more interested in discussing her own problems than yours. Ask if you can be recommended to another therapist OR search for someone in the area with good reviews and ask your parents if you can try their services.
Anon, you are not wasting your parent's money.
Your parents love you. They just want you to find happiness and stability.
If I was in their shoes, I'd want to get my child help no matter the cost. But if they aren't sitting in these sessions, it's impossible for them to intuitively detect the incompetence of your therapist. You have to tell them about it first.
You owe it to yourself. And honestly, if you aren't getting anything out of these sessions, THAT is the waste of your parent's money. But you're not responsible for that waste, your therapist is. And if she doesn't lose business over it, she'll probably continue the same useless practices for as long as she can get away with it.
your tits. please calm them.
you sound like someone how had to learn everything the hard way and never had anyone to guide them, and is now bitter.
i think that anon was just trying to say that nowadays college is practically mandatory and even the most basic jobs require a degree.
yet the college environment is nothing like the real world. once you leave its security bubble, good luck doing your taxes or handling your health insurance or other "adult" things.
in effect, all college did was give you a shiny paper to prance around with - it didnt prepare you to live independently and take care of yourself
I know it sounds 'old-fashioned' to you, but you really shouldn't do it.
I know very well how you feel, even about the bad breakup, but you really should take some more time until you know how it's like living with him for +- 1 year and you're absolutely sure the 'flame of passion' has passed and what you feel is actual love.
I almost married my now-husband after 6 months together, but we wanted to be sure we would not end up regretting it. I'm glad for it (even if it took 3 years for us to get married), because we had plenty of time to bail out of the relationship if it stagnated too much.
If you already married him on court, best wishes to you and hope you stay happy with him. Don't be bothered with your mom (she sounds like she liked your ex way too much), give it a time and she will forget about him.
It'll either work or it won't. There are people who have dated longer and still gotten a divorce so who cares?
Also sounds like your mom prefers your ex to your new guy. Have you sat her down and explained things to her? Or at least told her that mentioning him bothers you? Maybe if she knows how much it upsets you when she mentions him she'll stop
i didn't learn much by myself. i looked online a little or i asked my parents.
most 20 somethings still don't have a degree and they have jobs. you sound pretty bitter yourself.
That sucks, anon, I wish I could be your friend and hang out with you IRL. I'm sure you can find some friends someday though. If it helps though, most of my IRL friends nowadays are online friends who I found out lived in the same country as I, or met at conventions. I don't really talk to the ones I made in school anymore (because of the reasons I stated in my first post) and am drifting further away from them as we speak. I mean, I don't want to, but that's just how things go sometimes, haha… But cats are great. I have three dogs, and it's kinda silly, but they keep me company and make me feel so much better about myself. Pets are really wonderful. I hope you feel better soon, anon.
thank you so so much I really needed to hear this.
tfw lolcow anons do your therapists job better than her. how ironic.
hopefully this past Friday will be my last session with her. cruddy thing is, I have no way to guarantee the next person won't be even worse. :p
Yo, I'm back and you were right. I was dizzy and weak the moment I got up, to the point where I couldn't even stand for over 2 minutes. Good thing I didn't plan to hold out another 24 hours before eating.
3/10 would not attempt again more than once a week
If you're worried about whether the next therapist you see is going to be any better, remember that you can always ask to have a trial session first, just to see how it goes.
IMO the most important part of choosing your therapist is that it's someone you feel comfortable enough to be honest with, which is why sometimes it's easier to get your thoughts out anonymously on forums like these. It might take a couple of trial sessions with different people before you find someone that you really connect with, but don't get discouraged. Try not to worry about how it'll go until you've actually got the next one picked out, though–at this point, there's not much you can do until you actually meet the person.
[blog post starts here]
I had the exact same concerns when I was in your situation, but I ended up blaming myself for the problem. I have awful social anxiety, so I never felt comfortable enough with my therapist to candidly discuss my emotional state. Instead of trying to find someone who specialized in anxiety, though, I jumped to the conclusion that I was just 'one of those people that therapy couldn't fix', & concluded it had to be some kind of mental or chemical imbalance on my part.
When my parents tried sending me to a psychiatrist, though, it just made things worse. The medication they gave me turned me into a zombie. I stopped feeling 'depressed', but then again I stopped feeling pretty much everything–I couldn't be happy or excited, either, and I lost all motivation to do anything aside from the bare minimum of attending school and finishing my homework. Even after I told my parents I was 'cured' (mostly because I wanted them to stop wasting money on medication that I hated) it took a good year or so before I really got back to an acceptable mental state. And overall, not much changed.
Now that I'm older, I look back on that time and feel like I missed an opportunity. If I had pursued help more actively rather than just internalizing everything out of guilt, I think I would've gotten my shit sorted out a lot earlier on, and probably would be in a different place in my life right now. Therapy does work, I just wasn't getting it from the right source. But at the time, I convinced myself that I was saving everyone else the trouble of looking after me, and it was up to myself to 'shoulder the burden' and basically sweep all of my issues under the rug so I wouldn't worry the people who loved me. But the only way others can help is if they know what's going on–and imagining it from a mom's perspective, I'd rather be worried about my kid, but doing something about it
, than be completely in the dark and thinking everything is fine when it's not.
Don't be me, anon.
[/blog sorry for the novel]
If you are trying to lose weight and get better body, not eating is the shittiest way to go.
You won't turn into Ashley after not eating for a day or two, but you won't have any energy, you'll be nervous, think about food, anxious, body will look flabby, skin transparent and sickly etc. And there is a big chance of overeating after.
Your best bet is to try your best to eat healthy and exercise regualry. Takes time and dedication, but trust me, it's worthy it.
I was molested as a kid, but it feels weird to say something like that. It's never really affected me or caused me trauma like everything I've ever read from someone else who was molested. It's never… bothered me? I remember being led into the bathroom by my babysitter's son, I remember him taking in the only other girl in the apartment into the bathroom, and I remember him trying to get me to suck his dick. I remember, vividly, weird bits and pieces of it. Of course, I never really thought about it and it's just a memory that I replay like other ones. I asked my mum why we stopped using that babysitter, and she said it was because she dislocated my shoulder. It seems like she never knew.
I don't know why I'm confessing this, because it's something that never really… majorly affected me. I just started wondering, "is this maybe this is what fucked up my current emotional state?" I don't know. It's weird. I was fine until high school, then shit hit the fan after my first breakup and I've more or less been thinking so much about why I feel so fucked in the head. Like, I contemplated death so much around that time that it became a thing to think "yeah, but it doesn't really matter about my future since I'll just off myself" casually. I've tried my hardest to change it into "even though I don't know what I'm gonna do in life, I'm studying something that I love! I'll figure it out!" but some days I just feel so… I guess how you feel when you're bored and there's nothing to really do sort of "low" that I start thinking like that again.
I don't know. It feels weird. Contemplating suicide has just been so normalized in my thought process even though I don't want it to be, that when even the tiniest of shits hits the fan (like my parents arguing about dumb shit) I just freak out and immediately think terrible things and blame it on myself and start thinking about how I need to die.
I've become borderline obsessed with being happy and keeping myself happy so I don't think this way, and for the past year or so, it's been great! But it takes so little to break it down, that I don't really know what to do.
Guys want chubby women anon don't worry
but it depends on what you define "chubby"
having lil fat on your stomach is cute. from what i've seen, most guys like curvy (hourglass figure) and thick (small waist and big butt) or little chubby. be proud of your body anon. You can also wear corsets to have that hourglass figure
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Because I want to fucking die. I drink chemical products since I'm 10 (I can't cut myself because blood/vains make me nauseous).
alright, it's a very long story:
I come from a very abusive family; my mother:>insults me (ie: "I wish you were never born" or "I should put you in foster care">she blames me for my mental illnesses (I cope with tons and she acts like its my fucking fault)>never happy that I live with her (she always threatens me to put me in an orphanage or say she can't stand me)>is a huge hypocrite>doesnt care if she hurts me>ALWAYS make fun of me EVERYDAY when she talks to her sister>thinks i ruined her life>blames everything on me
there's more but it'd be too long.
my big sister:>never was there for me>never wanted to play with me>always rejected me>doesnt care about me at all>lies to me (she says she'll play with me but then she hangs out with her friends)
my father:>strangled me when I was 13 because i didnt agree with him or some shit (my mother didnt do anything she just watched him)>always insult me>always hit me (especially with the belt) and tell me im worthless for no fucking reason>always tell to my little sister (well i hope you wont end up like ____ (me))>always scream>always threaten he'll strangle me or punch me>doesnt care about my feelings
I was also verbally abused by two of my ex and it hurts so much. I deal with a shit ton of tissues. I CANNOT accept that some people care about me. I'm very lonely. I have a superior intelligence and i fucking hate it. i wish i was stupid and happy. I push people away (even some of my boyfriends to other girls) because 1. I don't deserve to have them and i love them so much, they need someone better than me 2. i'm scared they'll hurt me like everyone do. I'm very shy, I know how to make friends but nobody is interested in me. I cry every night because I'm that sweet caring girl that helps everyone but that everyone forgets after awhile. I focus so much on making people happy. Everytime i think someone is my best friend or close friend, they only see me as some random friend. Nobody cares about me and it kills me. I have huge trust issues. People only use me. I'm never the first choice to anyone. I'm not special to anyone. I'm scared to talk to people because i'm used of my ex best friends telling me they dont care and i'm worthless so i think i bother everyone. I just have so much to say but nobody is here to listen. I just pass my days reading and playing video-games even if its summer (im a loser anyway). I hate myself so much. I've always fantasized about slicing my throat. I will also never have a boyfriend again. Honestly, what guy would want a girl that has family issues, daddy issues, copes with a lot of mental illnesses? no one. I'm trying to accept the fact that I'll stay lonely forever. no close friend, no boyfriend. I'm also planning to be adopted by someone I know just to escape my crazy family. I also miss my ex boyfriend. even if he cheated me, lied about loving me, called me worthless and told me to go kill myself a lot of times, he was still very intelligent and we had everything in common.
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Im sure I will die before the age of 30 because I've been drinking and taking drugs since the age of 13, it started as a way to distract myself from crippling anxiety and depression but now its just a habit.
A man I know gave me a goal in life and I really love him for that but we are far from close to each other and we even have similar interests but im too beta to approach him which is killing me.
Im really drunk and crying so its very possible this is nonsense
Im so sick of life lolcow, but at least i have this as entertainment
Not necessarily. I'm one of those people who bases my partners more on personality than looks. Granted I still have to be physically attracted to them. If they look good but their personality is shit that's an immediate turn off for me.
Different strokes for different folks I guess.
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A lot of guys are head over heels for Sophie (tumblr camgirl) and she is a very petite lady… Being hot is so much more than being chubby or having a hourglass body.
Of course guys like curvy women, but if you want to attract people I think it's smarter to try to be an average looking, good person than focusing only on your appearance and being dumb as fuck or mean or ininteresting.
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>>12656>real men like tittie an' ass
That's something a salty fat girl would say. Most guys I've met like smaller girls.
Really? I was thinking it came from a bitter chick with no tits and no ass.
I don't see how it matters either way. Anyone with a brain who is looking for a long-term relationship will be placing compatibility/values above things like that. And if a flat chick is looking for one-night-stands, there are plenty of guys who will stick it in pretty much anything.
By "things like that" I meant, "the lack or presence of tits/ass."
Sorry if that triggered
"Bigger girls" So having big tits and big butts (aka a WOMANLY and FEMININE) body is makes people "Fat"? You guys are fucked up.
Stop being so fucking offended. NO one finds flat chests and flat asses attractive. Guys don't. They're naturally attracted to big tits and big butts. you guys have such low self-esteem.
People here bash fat girls and flat chicks like you. get over it lmao
Guys are naturally attracted to big butts and big boobs. it's science for fucks sake.
These traits are feminine.
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I love how anons here are fine for bashing fat girls but they get offended when someone says the truth aka flat ass and flat chests are gross af.
Like you anons have fucking low self-esteem. nobody finds both attractive, unless the guys are lolicons. no one here is a salty fat girl. do you guys watch videos about how to feel better about your flat chest?
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It's science. HAving big boobs and big butts doesnt make a girl chubby.
Science has proven guys like big tits and big butts. Sorry you like lolis but your opinion is unpopular. And I doubt you are a guy so lol
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In today society fatness is associated with stupidity and laziness. It's proven that smart guy like intelectualized womens body, AKA petite skinny lady.
It's cool if you want to be a fatty and be fucked by every stupied wigger and gangsta out there. Leave us all the smart nice sensual guys and go get gangbanged by some stupid ugly motherfucker.
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Marilyn was a skinny bitch who exercised a lot, she heavily disliked fatty like you :)
She had a pervect hourglass body, curves but she wasn"t fat.
I'm not a fatty and Marilyn was curvy. An hourglass figure is curvy. Nobody implied she was fat either, idiot. I was saying hourglass bodies don't make someone chubby. Get that sand out of your vagina.>>12758
You're fucked up if you think she's fat. Her body is perfectly healthy and CURVY (not like fat girls hijacked the word) Just because she doesnt have stick legs doesnt mean she's fat, ana-chan.
Where are those sources?
It's proven guys like hourglass figures.
pls give me the sources that smart guys like twigs
marilyn was curvy, not skinny. :)
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For all of you salty anons.
Curvy /=/ Fat
whatever makes you anons feel better about your small or flat boobs i guess
I'm not a fatty. You can't be both, dumbass.
Hourglass figures are curvy.
Skinny bodies don't have big boobs and big butts. Skinny girls usually have flat to small boobs and butts. Stop thinking she's skinny because you're skinny, for fucks sake.
She was curvy. that's what curvy means.
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Forget the stupid text on the picture but skinny usually means what is up.
Curvy usually refer to hourglass figures since they're heavy in the top and bottom. they also dont have skinny legs so thats why i think both terms are too different.
not that theres anything wrong with being skinny tho
I actually understand how she feels. It's weird, you know you have friends but you feel like you don't. It's like you can't trust them or connect to them at all, like you don't fit in.
I've been "truly" alone (no friends, no boyfriend, not even my mom really liked me) and I've been >>12909
type of alone.
I'd have to say >> 12909 type of alone actually feels worse. You always feel like you're bothering someone when you try to reach out. You can feel all your friends slipping away, and you end up wondering what the hell is wrong with you. Tbh i think that could be a sign of depression.
I already have social anxiety pretty bad & smoking weed used to calm me down, plus it was a way to bribe people to hang out with me haha.
but a month or two ago, I started developing hypersensitivity whenever I smoked. I get really paranoid and aware of the way my teeth feel in my mouth–I'd imagine that my molars were wiggly, or my gums were twinging, at one point I literally hallucinated that a tooth fell out while I was trying to chew sushi. I went to go see a dentist, and they couldn't find anything wrong with my teeth, so these symptoms have to be psychosomatic…but the long and short of it is that now I can't even hang out with my friends, they're all smokers and even the smell of weed nowadays makes my teeth/gums cripplingly painful. It's gotten to the point that I switched over to a liquid diet, started using a mouth guard, I floss and brush like someone with OCD, but some days I still wake up with my jaw aching so much that I can't even talk. I've seriously considered killing myself because I can't do even basic human activities like eating with enjoyment anymore. The other option is getting all my teeth pulled and buying dentures instead, but that idea is horrifying in a whole different way.
the sad part is that my teeth look totally normal, my friends think I'm doing it for attention and whenever I have a panic attack they just try to tell me to 'calm down' & 'take deep breaths' which is completely unhelpful…idk guys. I feel totally isolated even if I technically have 'friends', but nobody wants to hang out with me anymore since I'm not constantly smoking them out like I used to, I'm just anxious and depressed all the time. I'm not in a 'serious' relationship right now, but even when I'm approached with the opportunity, I can't imagine being intimate with anyone the way things are now…
men are such basic & self-serving assholes anyways, they all just want pussy and a pretty face sucking their dick.
I was depressed for 6 years (2008 - 2014), and lost all of my friends last year. I had pushed them away sufficiently enough that they don't talk to me anymore. I would be the most boring person to talk to because I never went out, so I didn't want to meet in person and just exacerbate their worsening impression of me.
It sucks, because I finally feel okay again but have no one to celebrate this with. I'm about to graduate from college and got a job lined up, but none of them know that. They probably think I'm still at home starring at the wall all the time or something.
At the same time, I don't feel too bad because they haven't changed that much. I was looking through my old fb posts and messages, and noticed the complete 180 I seem to have taken personality wise. Alright thats a bit extreme, I'm still similar, but I did some growing up that is not related to maturity if that makes sense.
My new personality seemed to have clashed with theirs a bit as I was coming out of my depression, but I want to see if thats still true now, because for all I know, they may have only shown me the same side of themselves they always did because of the fact that we've known each other for years.
I miss having friends, I get really lonely sometimes. I've become a bit of a loner because of how used to it I am, but still wish I had people to talk to even if I didn't hang out with them all the time.
A lot of times I feel as though they gave up on me and didn't stick around to see if I'd return to being the friend they wanted to be around all the time. I feel as though had the situation been reversed, I wouldn't have given up on them… but idk.
Man… I'm probably like 4 years younger than you but I feel the same way, 100%. I don't have any friends at all. I'm still kind of depressed though, haha.
Congratulations on graduating!
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/cow/ am I a bad person?
My confession is I really love male attention. Not like posting photos of myself online, or nudes, or camming, or anything like that. I jsut really like flirting / being flirted with by guys online… I have a boyfriend though. I am not romantically interested in the guys that flirt with me/I flirt with. I don't love them. I just really like the feeling of guys wanting to talk to me.
I feel like such a shitty person.
thanks so much anon, haha it's kinda sad but you're the only person who has congratulated me and it made me feel happy
I genuinely hope that in time you'll be better. It sucks because we're both in a position where it's kinda hard not to be depressed, but I hope that it'll change for you.
I don't think you are. Sounds strange but a few of my exes would love having me be complimented in front of them, and it made me feel good too. I think we both liked that fact that it made us feel good about who we were/who we were dating.
I think the same goes for you. Even though you have a bf, it feels nice getting the extra attention, kinda like your guy isn't the only one who'd be interested in you.
While I wouldn't flirt with these guys beyond the point where we wouldn't have to question if we were flirting anymore, I don't think you should feel terrible. Unless you're feeling terrible because of the extent you're taking your flirting to.
Faking it makes it worse, I tried that and it just prolonged my depression.
Once I was open about it and everyone basically dropped off the face of the earth because they couldn't stand to be around me, I had nothing to focus on but myself and my misery. Eventually I started doing little things to make myself happy, not for anyone else but me. It took a while because nothing really made me feel anything at first.
In the end it took about 2 yrs but I can say I am in such a much better place. I don't think I'm depressed anymore (though i do have my moments where I'd rather not do anything than be in my room, in the dark for days without seeing or talking to anyone. Though thats only happened twice within the 2 yrs and not the 24/7, 365 it was before.
Idk what'll work for you anon, I wish it wasn't like this for you.
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I hate my mother. I've been trying for years to like the only biological parent left in my life (my biological dad ditched me in a park with my stuff over a decade ago and I've been no contact since), but I can't. Even the thought of saying "I love you" to her torments me because I'm not telling the truth so it feels forced and awkward. It's felt that way for years.
I'm not a redditor but someone recently linked me to the sub raisedbynarcissists and I'm starting to see lots of correlations of other peoples' narcissist parents with my mom's behavior. To name a few:
>in every confrontation and argument we have she is always the victim and I am always wrong no matter the circumstances
>the only feelings that matter are hers
>when I ask for respect or tell her she's disrespecting me she avoids my frustration and tries to make it into a "joke"
>she gives "gifts" and does favors for me only with the intention to indebt me to her as control tokens, or to call me an ungrateful shit later if we have a fight
I wish I had the room to give the proper backstory, but TL;DR my mom pitched a tantrum at me while we went out to dinner (in public) when I called her out on talking down to me about her "tight money budget" (my stepdad owes the IRS $11k for avoiding wage taxes and they're renting a house and two storage units because they haven't found a house she "likes" yet since they sold their last one), acting like their financial bullshit is my fault. The whole argument started because my stepdad wants to drive to their ex-location with a u-haul to collect their shit from one storage unit 3 hours away because of bill costs. He needs me and my bf to go with him with my car because my mom claims "driving anxiety" and can't follow him for the trip. My stepdad, trying to be nice since the storage unit is at a beach location, had tried to book a hotel so me and bf could enjoy the beach, but the expense is too great. I don't actually care, but my bitch mother felt it was her duty to condescendingly remind "the table" (re: me) that "it wasn't a vacation" and bawww no money :(, like I was asking for a fucking vacation. So I told her exactly that; that I wasn't asking for a damn vacation and to stop shifting sands about money. Then she claimed she was talking "generally" and how fucking DARE I ATTACK her and SHE IS GETTING SO ANGRY RAWR and HER MEAL IS NOW RUINED :((( She actually puffed herself up and raised her voice in a damn restaurant.
Now she's huffing around the house scowling, slamming doors, and holding a grudge against me like a fucking 14 year old. Same shit like always whenever I tell her off and she knows her shit stinks but is too proud to admit it. Just ugh.
>I'd have to say >>12909 type of alone actually feels worse.
no it doesn't. not even close to actual loneliness. good lord. it's not up for debate either.>>12945
hit the nail on the head.
I guess I just feel so shitty because it's like… why can't my boyfriend's attention be enough? What's wrong with me that I need more attention? I don't go too far with flirting, it's just the desire to have it makes me feel bad.
But I guess I feel better knowing that someone read what I said and didn't immediately recoil and could understand where i was coming from. So thank you!
Anon I have very similar problems. Distrublingly similar. I was so bad at multiplications in third grade and it was pretty traumatizing.
What would happen in third grade is we had to do 100 problems in like one minute, and you'd fail if you missed more than 5. The people who passed didn't have to do them anymore. so fewer and fewer people were taking the test every day we did it. The goal being of course, for everyone in the class to pass. Well…Fast forward a month. I was the ONLY one left taking the test. I couldn't pass it. I kept failing and failing and failing… Part of the punishment for not passing was detention from recess. So yeah, for over a month I didn't get to go outside and play, and once a day the whole class got to watch me, the idiot, try and pass the test.
One day I turned it in and watched her grade it and I was at 5, so if I missed one more I'd fail. Again. I saw another one I had missed and was just heartbroken and thankfully the teacher "missed" it, and I got to "pass."
Fucking traumatized me from math ever since. In high school, in geometry, I had a real panic attack in class because I couldn't understand what anything meant.
I have similar problems.
It's embarrassing to admit that even after working as a cashier for so many years I still can't do the mental math to make change and have to rely on a calculator or register "just to be sure."
I remember being segregated into this unhelpful alternative math class with two others during what was supposed to be our computer class because we sucked so hard at math we needed extra tutoring. Except instead of helping us with our actual homework, they would just create pointless extra problems that often had nothing to do with our then current lessons. I recall getting so frustrated at problems I would break down and cry.
Somehow I managed to pass AP calc my senior year in high school, which in turn saved me from taking even harder math classes in college, but I remember obsessively memorizing shit that came to others easily. Sometimes I was so desperate I wrote mathematical acronyms on my hand just to give me "clues" during quizzes. The biggest problem was laying low enough for my teach not to target me. She hated my guts and knew that I wasn't smart when it came to math. She looked for opportunities to make examples of us dumb-dumbs. If she called on a non-favorite student to solve a problem, and they didn't get it right, she'd assume they weren't paying attention and not that her teaching wasn't clear. She'd chew out students in front of the entire class. One time she reemed me so hard that she shifted the issue from the math question to what I was wearing.
And so help the students who defended themselves because then they were "copping an attitude" and were sent to the office. Bad times.
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>>13576>Gif as an apology for possibly illegible rant
(Sorry if this is terrible writing, I'm on mobile)
At least you're not alone anon.
Difference is that I am still in school and I probably have a smalll chance of improving.
Since elementary I've been terribad at multiplication, division (that shit is my killer), fractions, percentages, and I still can't tell you what a ratio is. I have to do that left and right thing too. Back in j.high people used to tell me to read bigger numbers to them just so they could laugh and call me stupid.
I dread counting money because I already have a slower movement than most, so I stumble trying to count coins, sometimes making a fool of myself because I get jittery. Makes me feel dumb as fuck.
I have a "tutor", but all he does is sit back and give me problems. He'll never tell me what to do, just sit there on his phone. When I reveal that Idk what in God's name I'm doing, he'll explain everything in this complex and fast manner while doing the problem as if he was solving it for himself, and get mad when I don't understand shit. Or go on rants about how the American metric system is stupid >Idefk>Is too much of a baby to say something, probably will have him again if he doesn't get the government job he wants>He's family so I don't want to make him feel bad>But mommy's money a-wasting
I also have to ask questions more than once in classes, and all I get are groans from the teacher and students. >I'm sorry I thought we supposed to ask questions when we don't understand so I don't freaking fail>Teacher keeps going with lesson even though she asked who didnt understand>Because it's me, and I always ask 'stupid questions' she doesn't stop>Gets frustrated>throws down books>cries (Can't help it, I'm a huge cry baby)
Counselor said she's giving me all honor classes next year to 'challenge me'; trouble with my school is that honor students are people who looks down on anyone they deem as weird or dumb(I.e: me), and will make fun of you, instead of help. Hell even the teachers.
Can't solve a problem in your head, and have to use your finger? You're a dumbass.
Yet these same kids are the ones running to me for help because I'm one of the best in English, Biology, Chemistry(not so much because measurements and converting), and History. >Counselor wants me to take dual credit courses>Must get a 48 and up across the board in the psats for that to happen>Tfw math was a 32 or something and was the only thing holding me back>guessed for most of the problems anyway>really wants to take dual credit >last chance to take psats is next year
On top of that, I want to become a zoologist or a veterinarian.That's math all over again. Not giving up though, I'm trying to do IXL to help me out, but my problem with that is concentration.
I can't really tell my parents I may have a problem either, I'm their golden child apparently since I'm the only one with hope to finish school.
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>tfw you're critically depressed to the point of considering suicide because of untreated anxiety, financial stress, and a lifestyle that can best be described as 'urban hermit'.
>tfw your best friend: "oh haha I know exactly what you mean! I'm depressed because I'm fat and now boys don't pay attention to me! dieting is hard :)))'
>tfw she spends $200 on an elliptical she never uses instead of trying to pay back any of the $2,550 she owes you in rent.
>tfw you're slowly becoming aware that her friendship has basically consisted of her taking advantage of you & your income for the past year or so.
>tfw you still won't stand up for yourself because you're terrified of losing any of the few 'friends' you're still in contact with.
Whoa I was in the same situation as you in terms of not wanting to stand up to the only two "friends" I had because of how scared I was of being lonely.
Eventually they stopped contacting me because I wouldn't really reply to their messages anymore. Fortunately I didn't live with them, so it was easy to not have to see or speak with them. I definitely felt like saying good riddance, but I have no one to hang with now and haven't for 8 months.
Sometimes its best to get rid of people like that if you can't stand up to them because they just make you feel worse. I do recommend you asking her to start paying you back because of how much the financial stress is weighing heavy on you. If she doesn't accept that then it won't be a loss on your part.
Unfortunately yes, but that's where
>I can't really tell my parents I may have a problem either, I'm their golden child apparently since I'm the only one with hope to finish school
Comes in. I tried easing into telling my parents,(neither of my parents are ok with self dx) and my mom tells me I'm the nurse who hears about the diseases she sees, and suddenly she has everything. She also believes if you think you have it, you probably don't.>I only eased it in twice>Even though she knows I've always been terrible at math >And the only improvement is remembering simple things middle schoolers learn in algebra or geometry
Maybe try to talk to the school counselor about it? They'll know more about how to deal with LDs and could talk to your parents for you so it doesn't just seem like you're making shit up. Or tell them, you just want to talk to a doctor to make sure, if anything you'll either find out you have it and can get help with it or nothing changes. Maybe frame it that it wouldn't hinder your ability to finish school, maybe even help if you do have an LD because then you can get specialized help with math.
Also, you should be honest with your mom about your tutor being shit.
I have no useful advice but I can relate with the awful math shit. I've been horrible at it and struggled for as long as I could remember, and then in middle school started to get "held back" in math classes, so I would be in lower level ones than my grade was. This continued into high school with me taking pre algebras over and over. My parents put me in sylvan learning center - absolutely useless. Had a tutor in junior year, failed algebra AND chemistry. Senior year I had to take geometry or I wouldn't graduate, and I did horribly in that too - I'm pretty sure the teacher passed me out of pity.
I am just completely incapable of math and I don't know why. It's not for lack of trying, but it's like my brain just doesn't function in a way where it makes sense or is logical. Even if I do manage to understand concepts, they are gone in an hour. I'd do them at my tutor's house, we'd finally get somewhere, but by the time I got home to work on practice problems it was gone again. I'm great at every other subject as long as it doesn't involve numbers.
Hell, I'm in the degree program that I am simply because it had no math requirements except quantitative reasoning, because the other major I was in I couldn't pass college algebra and I'm sick of taking the same fucking remedial math courses over and over that don't even count as credits and wasting money. At this point I'll take any degree and be on my way.
I hate feeling like such a retard.
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>>13603>>13602>>13598>>13576>>13577>>13678>Other people who have dyscalculia/are horrendous at math
I-I'm not alone. Even at my laziest and most disorganized, I have mid-tier grades on every subject. Math? Ridiculously low.
It took me a while to figure out not being able to math doesn't make me retarded. Math is literally a shorthand for basic logic made up of symbols. Just because you're not good at understanding that shorthand doesn't mean you can't into logic whatsoever, it just means your brain is different. I wish more people understood that.
People tell me "Practice makes perfect", but no matter how much I practice I forget everything within an hour. IMO it's better to just not deal with it at all and try to focus on practical shit like counting coins and calculating change to avoid getting ripped off, but I don't even know if that's possible at this point.
hey man, long term cutter here as well. how do you deal with people staring at your scars? how do you deal with your family knowing?
you're not alone and i hope you can find a way to stop eventually. hurting yourself is not worth it, in the end. i know these sound like empty fucking words, but i just want you to know that you're not alone and there's a way to stop.
thanks for the kind words, it's comforting to know others have experienced similar circumstances.
the older i get, the less i care about people staring at my scars. my parents know about it, but they honestly don't give a fuck. when my dad noticed, he just laughed at me. when i told my mom i was suicidal, she told me to keep it to myself. i don't live with or talk to them anymore.
man, my feels today are:
sick of my roommate.
we moved in about seven months ago. For the first six, I was paying the entirety of the rent (totaling 5,100 dollars) while she took care of utilities (roughly about 1,200 in all)
I agreed to this because we’d been friends for a while, and I believed her when she insisted that her work-study program didn’t pay well enough, she needed too much time for schoolwork to get another job, and her ex-roommate was literally about to toss her out on her ear with nowhere else to go.
looking back on it, that should have been the first warning sign. pretty much all of her old roommates have either left her or kicked her out.
this is probably at least partially because she’s an incredible slob. she will cook huge meals for her boyfriend and/or have him buy her takeout and never clean up after the mess. we had an incredibly gross fruit fly infestation recently because she literally just throws shit in the sink (completely ignoring the dishwasher) without ever rinsing off her spaghetti sauce/ketchup/whatever. she left a tub of garlic butter open on the counter for three days once. to my knowledge, she has never cleaned the bathroom once in the seven months that we’ve lived in this apartment together. she also tends to hoard dishes.
when confronted about this behavior, she will either apologize for it or say that her guest was supposed to clean up after her and didn’t. then she does nothing. the one time that I asked her to rinse her dishes off, she pitched a huge hissy fit and told me I was being aggressive. her idea of ‘contributing’ to my financial struggles is leaving leftovers in the fridge that i am allowed to finish off.
in addition, she tends to buy massive quantities of food that she never finishes. recently, I cleaned out the fridge for her. there was shit in there that had literally gone green from being ignored for so long.
the fridge, by the way, is currently stuffed with frozen junk food. I cannot find a place to put my own groceries, which consist of:
some chicken salad
and frozen burritos.
literally everything else (frozen pizzas, pizza rolls, chicken nuggets, corn dogs, condiments, takeout containers, frozen ravioli, liquor, margarita mix, etc) is hers. what I named is not even half of it. & she was eating like this the entire time that she was claiming that she could not afford to contribute to the rent.
the funny thing is that despite continuing to eat like shit, she has an extremely poor body image and will regularly complain to me about how she’s ‘depressed’ because she’s obese and men aren't attracted to her. her idea of depression is, ‘I was really sad for an entire day, and then I felt better’.
her telling me about her ‘depression’ is generally in response to me trying to explain the experience of having severe anxiety, like to the point that an anxiety attack will send me into mute, quaking paralysis for well over an hour.
she’s also a huge SJW despite the fact that she does nothing to actually contribute to the civil rights/feminist movements besides vent to her boyfriends and share articles on Facebook.
the worst part is that despite all of this, I know that confronting her would only lead to her throwing a tantrum and nothing would change except I would lose one of the few friends in the world that I have. also living together would get really awkward. because of my anxiety, i tend to live in pretty much isolation, sometimes not leaving my home for well over a week, and she’s the only person I see sometimes for several days. the only reason I will even vent about it here is because i’m pretty sure that nothing I say on this forum has any way of getting back to her.
Depends on where you go, you can't speak for everyone.
I'm going to the biggest business college in my country and everything depends on your success. If you're mediocre, you'll be one of those people crying about the economy and how you can't get a job. That's a guarantee.
You really have to do your best, be on everyone's good side, participate in as many extracurriculars as you can, etc. It's not the end of the world if you don't get straight As because no-one really does, but you need to be on top of everything.
The reason for that is that we get 'talent scouts' at the end of our studies and they look at your performance to determine whether you'd make a good employee or not. And let me tell you, the jobs they offer are real jammy like. Definitely don't wanna miss out.
i like drama too but the nitpicking is so annoying sometime like jesus.
>venus loses a little weight OMG ANACHAN
>veins OMG ANA!!!!!11!
esp when people here call cute/normal/average people hideous beasts or something
like ok, i'm a little ugly but at least i dont nit pick or say cute girls are ugly out of spite or jealousy. I dont get it. so many jelly chans here
Yeah, I've noticed that too.>someone posts photo of a relatively cute white girl>ppssssshhhh she's nothing special xD average lol xDD Why don't they hire someone prettier?
So like they should personally ask you every single time they decide to sign a girl with a modelling agency, because you're apparently some authority that has a say in what's pretty and what isn't?
Or the double whammy of comparing identical twin sisters and saying one of them looks 'soo cute' whilst the other one is 'lol ugly'.
I feel like such an unreliable and terrible person.
My friends asked me if I could do something for them (the things would take a week or a month), and I wasn't able to finish it.
They asked me last year/beginning of this year, but I believe depression (I wasn't able to get dxed because y parents don't believe in me having something wrong with me one of those possibly discalculic anons above) hit, and I just stayed in bed all day after I came to school, during the weekends, and now through the summer. I accepted to do the requests when I was happy, had will, and motivation, and now it's just gone. Now finally, after avoiding going on the chat after feeling so bad, I went on the chat. And one of them, asked if I was finished/to see the progress., and I stalled and lied that I was working on it, and showed her this shitty thrown together thing.
As for the other thing, I got started, but I hate it so I want to demolish it, and start over.
I don't want to do it anymore, but I know I have to keep pushing myself even if it means carelessly messing around with my mouse while staring at my computer for an hour. But I don't know how to tell them that I don't want work on the things after telling them for months that I was doing it.
Plus my brother just leaves his son with us all day, and I;m the only one (idk why, bt that's just how it is) he can do his phonics sounds with for whatever reasons. Some days when I'm really down, I lock myself in my room because I know if I go to the computer, it'll be useless because I won't be able to get anything done.
I feel like a failure farmers.
Find out your moon, sun (star) and rising and then there'll be context.
You can do a starchart on this site, here's one I made earlier for Pixyteri http://crystal.alabe.com/cgi-bin/chart/astrobot.exe
for the time of day all that matters is AM or PM btw
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shall I just commit Senpaku anon kun?
I wonder how many of us e-famous cows are posting in this thread. It's strange to think that the same people who want us to suffer can hear our stories anonymously and be so kind and supportive.
I'm not sure that being posted on Lolcow and learning self loathing was a bad thing. I wonder if normalfags think about how strange it is that when some of us can just sit read through waves of personalised insults about ourselves specifically.
TL;DR what I'm trying to say is, how strange that we have a hugbox here.
My boyfriend goes overseas a lot and comes from a wealthy, tight knit family. He just left on a month long vacation traveling around Europe with his cousin, completely paid for by his dad & even got 10k in spending money.
Meanwhile, I'm stuck in this shitty boring ass town working my tits off like always, and I am jealous as fuck. I'm normally not an envious person, but this + other frustrations is making it hard for me to keep a lid on my emotions lately.
I've been putting on a happy face and pretending to be excited for him and I'll pretend to be interested in his stories and pictures when he returns, but tbh it makes me feel dead inside. I don't even really care that he's gone, I just want to have fun, carefree traveling adventures soooo badly it hurts.
Coming from a small poorfag family, it kinda sucks seeing him not have to work for anything ever, always knowing that he'll have a safety net, getting tons of money, vacations overseas, and nice stuff for no reason. He's never even had to have a job before (we're both 24) and I've had a million crappy retail jobs, and at the same time have been busting my ass trying to become an established feelance artist so I can avoid a soul sucking 9-to-5.
I'm glad he's so blessed and he's a great guy, but I will forever be (secretly) salty. I know it's extremely petty and I would never, ever hold it against him, but I can't help my pangs of jealousy.
I just really hope I get to travel someday. ;__;
If it's any consolation, rich yanks are entitled pieces of shit and everyone in Europe hates them. Not that Americans are all that popular otherwise, but these are especially annoying.
And don't worry, you'll travel. You can explore your country before you get to go elsewhere, there's plenty of lovely sights. We mostly get middle-aged Americans and they can be lovely people. Younger ones, if not rich, usually harass the staff because they want to feel important, but luckily we don't get too many of them. So if it makes you feel better, you're in the majority.
Just please do something other than art, it's a really shite line of work.
10k spending money? For one month?
Marry him and reap the benefits.
You should just leave her alone IMO, as long she keeps that to herself and not shoving it to people's faces
Plus why do ppl like ecchi/hentai/porn if you like any of these just leave her be.
Thank you, that made me feel a bit better. There's definitely many beautiful places where I'm from, that I could explore. I probably should try to be less impatient with myself too, but that's easier said than done.
And yeah, art is a seriously shitty career choice. I spend a lot of time simultaneously regretting it and hoping I don't regret it later in life. But at the same time drawing is probably the only thing that makes me truly happy, plus I get very consistent commission work so I must be doing something right.
Though whenever people ask me what I do for work now, I say "nothing" and imply that I'm unemployed, because I know people will probably just think that art isn't a real job or that I'm a lazy hipster lol. >>19398
Yeah, he's a lucky bitch. We've been dating for over 5 years so we will probably end up getting married eventually. But I really like the feeling of accomplishment/no one can fuck with me that comes from relying on myself so tbh I feel kinda butthurt knowing that I'll probably end up being a housewife.
I'm also pretty down to earth and fancy rich people shit gives me anxiety lol.>>19405
I'd say that they appear to be upper middle-class, not living in a lavish mansion or anything like that, but his father has an incredibly successful car dealership, tons of assets (mostly land/property), my bf and his brother each have a few million in inheritance + giant plot of land overseas. They get every single thing they could ever want, and then some. His dad's side of the family is HUGE and also ridiculously successful. One of his uncles just sold his import/export company for a few billion.
A few weeks ago, the bf and I were talking about getting allowances as a kid. I had to beg and plead my mom FOREVER to give me money for an allowance, and for a year or so I got 10$ a week or every two weeks, I can't remember. But I do remember being really excited to just get 10$ and carefully picking out what I was going to buy with my allowance. I was having my nostalgia moment when my bf goes: "lol Anon, my dad gave us 600$ a week throughout middle/high school."
We were in different social circles in middle school, but I remember all the other kids talking about how he's rich as fuck, and I recall one day where everyone freaking out because he brought 700$ to school.
It definitely doesn't bother me to the point of affecting our relationship, we're very close. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel like a basic bitch sometimes.
should be >>19396
>>19418>But I really like the feeling of accomplishment/no one can fuck with me that comes from relying on myself so tbh I feel kinda butthurt knowing that I'll probably end up being a housewife.
Yeah, I don't get people who say 'oh marry a rich guy and do nothing for the rest of your life'. First of all, if you get divorced (unless you live in America) you'll be on your own and have nothing again. The only way to circumvent that is to have kids but then you're gonna be a single mother which is hell on earth.
Second, everyone will always assume you married him for money and that feels awful. Third, you're always gonna be in his shadow and earn less, which might demote you to 'housewife' as soon as something happens because 'I earn enough for the both of us lol'.
And a lot of men also use their wealth as a way to avoid chores or anything they don't want to do. They always say stuff like 'well I'M the breadwinner here, you have no right to boss me around!"
Then there's also the fact that you always feel second best and worthless even if you are cooking and cleaning and being a good little woman.
source: Celtic Tiger made my parents divorce and my mum ended up with next to nothing.
If you earn the money yourself you don't have to depend on anyone for anything. Not saying you shouldn't marry the guy, on the contrary, but you shouldn't marry someone just because they're rich so I 1oo% agree
(inc TMI) I might be pregnant and that would be really bad. I have PCOS and my periods were always super irregular until I got on medication last year. Since then, my period has been uncharacteristically regular, always every 5 weeks.
Now I'm 3 weeks late. I took an EPT last week and it was negative. I took another one today and thought I saw the faintest of lines, but couldn't tell if I was seeing shit, so I came back to it a few minutes later and couldn't find a line and neither could my boyfriend. Overall I've felt like absolute shit for these last three weeks, like PMS to the nth power - bloated, sore boobs, nauseous, etc. I've also gained several pounds even though nothing in my diet or exercise regime has changed.
I'm going to call my doctor in the morning. I don't really know what to think. If I'm pregnant, I'll have to drain my bank account to abort mission. But if it's my PCOS getting out of control again, that sucks too, because it took so long and so much adjustment of medication to feel like a normal person, and that sucked a lot.
This has always baffled me too.
It's the perfect setup for divorce and an unhealthy relationship, like you said. I feel bad for those people that think that money or a rich spouse is the way to happiness.
I haven't even married the dude yet and I've had people accusing me of only dating him for his money since the beginning of our relationship. It definitely feels really horrible to have people thinking that you're a shallow gold digger, especially since it probably wouldn't happen as much if my family wasn't on the lower end of the income bracket.
His mom's a bit of a looney and she went around telling people that I'm only into her son because he has money, a shiny car, and buys me cigarettes. Ugh. I don't give two shits about any of that stuff lady, I buy my own cigarettes and just wanna hang out with your son ffs.
He's very generous, but I've brought up to my female family members how it makes me uncomfortable when he buys me things, and their response is usually along the lines of:
"Yeah? Good! He should be giving you more shit! You deserve it!"
Like… what kind of toxic bs attitude is that? People don't "deserve" gifts, that totally defeats the purpose of a gift and is a gross abuse of another person's generosity.
I've never had him pull the "I bought this for you/I'm the bread winner now do what I want" and hopefully he never will because I will nope the fuck out of that situation so fast.
But I'm very sorry your mom had to go through that, especially being on her own with children to think about and nothing to her name. That'd be incredibly stressful and is literally one of my worst nightmares. I hope she & your family are doing a lot better nowadays.
I was raised by a single mom too, but I'm American and the law was set up in her favor, which enabled her to stealthily gouge extra money from my dad (on top of child support). They were never even married either…
Soooo yeah, money is never a good reason to do anything. It always seems to end badly in some way or another, or turn people into absolute monsters.
If I do end up a housewife (bleh), at least I'll have my artwork to keep me sane and bring in some extra income that is completely mine.
you should break up with her
who cares about what she gets off on?
He's been flirting with me again and seemingly paying more attention to me than his significant other and now he's even sending me gifts
I don't want to get my hopes up though
(Sorry if I have typos, my tablet is terribad for typing as I learned recently.)
I like to read /r/tardtales in my free time. Mostly those stories on how the yards get rent in the end.
It's just because I have a strong dislike for with mental challenges that make them obnoxious and loud and it then they do dumb shit that makes somesomeget in trouble or hurt. Then they get no repercussions with the excuse of "They don't know better!!" "Be more tolerant!"
(This is sorts a personal thing)
On time this kid who I think was an autist, began to throw his books around the classroom because he didn't finish his work. You know what the teachers did? Lecture the students about bullying after the rest of the class chewed his ass up, and coddled him. He used to give in mediocre work most of the time (except in math. Damn bitch was good), and get A's. And had the fucking whale dork to tell me "If you were smart like me, you can solve this ptoblem." and then when I flipped the fuck out on him(I have a very short temper), he cried, I got in trouble AND was hated by half of the class weren't friends with me prior. Even when that same half of the class thought/thinks I have something wrong with me, so this made it worse (suspected I'm an aspie with a few violent/self infliction when provoked. But if I think I have it, then good chance I don't)
You know what he did when the teacher asked when was the matter, he said, "I don't know what's wrong with her."
Only the Lord and Satan combined helped my from jumping over the desk and giving him one hard punch.
And parents and wranglers of those types of special needs asassholes piss me off even more. You could be bleeding on thwle floor dying by a cut those fuckers caused, but your the one in trouble since you provoked them. Well damn bitch, I didn't know saying vulpix was my favorite Pokemon provocation.
And then when it's time for the punishment? They get off scott free(with the exception of those who were so in the wrong and you couldn't even defend them), but you get ISS or OSS.
Listen, don't get me wrong, some of those spEd kids are meet are pretty sweet, it's just those assholes and very liberal A'f parents that get me grinding.
As for morals? Fuck it. My mom always said, "If anyone hits you l, hit them back harder. See if they'll hit you again. Don't you ever come back home losing a fight because I'll beat you up when you get home and in the school."
Truth is, that's how I thing equality should work.You hit me, I hit you. You spit on me, I spit on you. An eye for a fucking eye.
Sorry for the powerleveling but this shit gets me mad.
>>19520>My mom always said, "If anyone hits you l, hit them back harder. See if they'll hit you again. Don't you ever come back home losing a fight because I'll beat you up when you get home and in the school."
This is bad. Parents who say irresponsible shit like this under the guise of teaching their kids bravery and courage only contribute to existing anger issues and/or victim complexes. Especially if the punishment for not fighting the other person is literally THEIR OWN FUCKING PARENT joining in and bullying them, too. >Truth is, that's how I thing equality should work.You hit me, I hit you. You spit on me, I spit on you. An eye for a fucking eye.
The whole world will be blind.
I see your point, but who also used to say "When you do hit back, see if they'll do it again", and it worked out. The kids never bothered me really except for petty banters from far away.
Then again, I really didn't start much.
And would the whole world be blind? Probably, but then again, you shouldn't have stabbed out my eye (unless for surgical/medical purposes) if we're taking this literally.
And I don't think I have a victim complex, probably a really short temper and anger issues I'll give you that. I try
to keep it level headed and see things through an unbiased view. Not trying to say I'm level headed and unbiased all the time.
Thing is people dont care what style suits them best. They want to dress in fashion they like even if it doesnt suit them.
ex: girls with very mature face into sweet lolita
only ugly weaboo girls wear them luckily
>inb4 why am I still here?
Oh Jesus, don't bother with that lmao.
Boy is cray, along with his sister I presume.
I mean, he went to prom in a dress/skirt, and in a bat man tux, so him wearing weird shit isn't out of the norm.
I read Kiwifarms and lolcow religiously, but nowadays I'm getting sick of Kiwi.farm's overall attitude.
For example, anyone who likes anything untraditional in Japan is a weeb. Or like how they think the lolita community hates ElleJay because she's a Muslim. Or how they think they came up with the term asspats. Kek
Yes assists, the term my momma's momma has been using for years.
This one girl in the lolita thread said that a lolita must be among them just because she used asspat in a behind-the-bow secret.
Idk, I just find most of them stuck up. Commenting on different communities without an inch of knowledge.
Most people in the lolita community aren't salty or no reason, some of the people in the community bring it upon themselves by acting like spoilt entitled give-me-nice-comments-no-criticism-even-if-I-look-terribad brats.
Everyone who has a slight interest in Japan is a weeaboo.
Nope, a weeaboo is totally not someone like Pixyteri who honestly throws away their real race and claims they are Japanese and tries to do stereotypically racist shit to 'prove' they are Japanese, nope it's definitely someone who just likes the music or the fashion.
The other day I saw them posting about foreign idols, yeah I understand that the job is rough and the pay is somewhat terrible, but I'd that's what these girls want to do, leave them be and whatever happens, happens. Some of the kiwi users were just insulting these girls left to right without even knowing what a god damned idol was.
And honestly, does Null have a problem with lolcow? I heard him comment on stuff saying
"The shoplifting dox was the only thing lolcow did right."
"Lolcow raid in 3…2..1" like wtf we would raid them? I'm pretty sure people here don't give enough of a shit to make an account of kiwi to raid them.
Or locows we exposed long ago? They would still be talking about them like it's new news, and would be reacting to events like it's happening currently.
As for the Pixyteri drop box thing, they only found it recently, and while it's funny seeing their late and extreme reactions, don't y'all know PT already?
Sorry if this came out long abd rant-y. I'm on mobile, and it's fairly easier to type on my phone for me so I end up typing more than I should.
The 80's hastened the destruction of fashion and the 90's drove the nail in the coffin. Now even models in magazines dress like they just rolled out of bed and put on whatever ca 1997 K-mart tier shit they had lying on the floor.
This 80's/90's nostalgia is unwarranted and got out of hand years ago. Face it: Those decades weren't nearly as great as you remember them being.
America will kill herself slowly, bitch.
How did you read that as not chill? Insecure much?>>19651
You could have fit this all into one post. 4chan wouldn't have fucked up confessions, it's filled with 14 year old edgelords. You're still not special, fag.
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himezawa,is that really u?
Gurl, you are in no place to be calling other people, or their nudes, ugly.
It's illegal to share other ppl's nudes online without their consent anyway, is it not? so uh, yeah.
pretty much this. it's even funnier how she doesn't think she is ugly (honestly this makes her sound mentally ill, most ugly people know they are not conventionally attractive/are ugly)
and yeah revenge porn is illegal so lmao she's ugly and retarded
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i'm only 16 and i feel so gross for having a specific taste in men, which is that they need to be older, like 30+ hot dad steve carell pic related, i know quite a lot of teen girls who have the same feelings but i hate myself for it, guys my age don't do it for me and they never really have.
Please don't act on this until you turn 18.
I mean, i don't really blame you though. Why deal with a immature guy in the awkward part of puberty when you could fuck his hot dad?
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oh yeah totally, i'm gonna wait until i'm mature enough so no one will freak out about it, but i'm also not gonna be with a guy whos already married with kids or any of that shit, its skeevy af. right now i'll just sit back and observe
I know the feel, anon. It's hard to want to be on the internet when some people are unforgiving af.
It's like there's some level of perfection that's expected to have any sort of online presence these days. Like, you can't just do youtube for fun for your friends and family. You've gotta be a professional youtuber or else random mean girls are going to come down on you for existing in their
space, even if they wouldn't have even known about you had they not sought you out.
You see it here, on cgl, and other forums too. Yeah, a lot of people posted are legitimate lolcows, but others it'll just be a couple of vendettachans posting in a thread and everyone else scratching their head and thinking "how is this lolcow?" But it makes you afraid to post anything of your own, in case you should be the next target, even if all you're doing is taking a selfie or making a video of a cool skateboard trick to show your "hip" uncle who lives halfway across the country.
Do it for you, anon. If other people online are going to be weird about it, that's their problem, not yours.
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Any hikikomori/person who never goes out here ?
Well, sort of. I used to be. I have to work because my only other option is homelessness (no family to mooch off, no student loans etc to live off of) but aside from that I seldom leave my room.
I used to be this way, the longest being about 2 months over the summer about 5 yrs ago.
I was depressed during this time, slept all day and was only awake at night. Lost a lot of weight, including all the strength I'd built up prior through working out.
I discovered this after being forced (felt guilty) to go out by my fam and make them happy. My cousins and I walked around for about half an hr. The next day I woke up and felt really uncomfortable, thought I was resting my thigh on a t shirt or something. Turned out that my thigh muscles had knotted. It was gross.
After that I started going out just because of that, even if it was something as simple as running an errand for my mom.
i don't know if i will ever go back to liking young guys though, i never liked them. but peoples tastes changes all the time, all i know is right now i have to deal with this.
btw i also have a thing for steve carells hairy chest, what is it with that guy???
That's not so bad. Just act like it was no big dill, or just don't mention it to your gf esp. if you know there's no chance someone else would tell her.
If there's a chance your friend or anyone else would tell your gf it might be worth considering telling her yourself, because from others the story will sound more dodgy than if you own up to it yourself.
From the info you've given me, I wouldn't tell her. Sometimes it's better to keep certain things secret, the bigger issue is, WHY is it such a big deal to YOU?
Did you feel attracted to that girl? Did you want to do more? Would you have gone along with more? etc. You need to analyse why you feel this way and then optimally you should feel like it was no big dill, which indeed it wasn't. Then you can perhaps tell her, once you've convinced YOURSELF that it was no big dill, only then can you hope to convince your gf if you choose to tell her.
Former ED sufferer here, and it sounds like you're going down a slippery slope, yeah. I would honestly seek out some counselling because it only takes a few more months of this behaviour to really twist your perception and saddled with you with a full blown disorder.
Please, please, I hope you get some help. Before I went into rehab I was stupidly flippant about my weight, convinced that 'it was my body' and wouldn't listen to anyone. I really wish towards the start of my disorder someone had told me to go seek a therapist or doctor.
I was a lot like you at 16 (and still am to some extent) I made the mistake of dating a man who was in his 40s. (Spoiler, it was a bad idea)
A little older is fine, my cut off is 10 years. Keep within your generation and you'll be okay. My husband is +6 years than me and he's greying (which makes me SO happy) and getting more distinguished every day without the problem of a a generation gap.
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eat a burger, bitch(robots please use containment thread)
You sound really mature and introspective now, so your gf is a lucky girl. A lot of people do these 'bad' things and then justify them, it's really good for your mental health to be as to the point about this as you are.
I do think you should be very careful in regards to telling her though. There's a possibility that this could plant the mustard seed of distrust in your relationship. Sometimes omission of truth (which is a type of lie) is better than putting your relationship at risk.
Damn, that was an insane age gap for you. How did your family react?
I'm in an age gap relationship too, my dude is 9 years older, but he looks hawt so it's never an issue with my friends etc. He has that boyish charm and I'm pretty lucky.
I can't imagine how it was for you to navigate the age gap you had at 16 though, especially since at that age you're just starting to explore yourself and your sexuality.
The thing is that I don't want to lie to her about anything in any way. We plan on having a family together one day.
She's been perfect to me in every way but I have to admit that I'm concerned I don't deserve her. I don't feel our relationship is fair because she goes so out of her way for me all the time. I honestly think she should be with someone better than me and if letting her know about this one thing would be a catalyst for her to leave me then that would be for the best.
I didn't tell my parents at the time (and still haven't) but I'm pretty sure they would flip out. I wasn't 16, though but close! 19. The problem was that I had spent high school being kinda awkward and when I turned 18, my family moved to LA and I kinda learned how to dress, toned up, started treating myself better and became I guess, traditionally attractive? (I don't wanna toot my horn here)
So I met him after I was out running kinda near Santa Monica and he was pretty handsome and I was really flattered that he asked for my number after BUT the red flag was that the shop I was in was a candy store, and he was kinda like 'oh you should try such and such candy because you look really sweet' and it was cheesy but ehhh. I was dumb and really naive.
Anyway, we went on a date, and the secondary red flags were him saying how beautiful I was and how surprisingly smart and engaging I was in comparison to the other women he dated. Now I know that is code for 'I think women are dumb and I date women I think are dumb so they'll sleep with me' but at the time I was just sorta like 'He hasn't met the right woman'. (dumb eh?) But uh, I'm not proud of it but we did sleep together that night and I admit that I kinda got attached to the sex because he was really good at it. Not a huge guy, but very knowledgeable and giving in terms of oral and what can I say? I dated him for a few months because of it and he was very free with his money and his gifts.
It didn't end well, obviously, and he was still dating OTHER girls besides me which kind of hurt at the time because I thought that I was his type because I was smart and mature beyond my years but nope. I don't REGRET it, obviously, but it gave me perspective.
Older men are handsome and attractive but they've also had a lot of time to gain all this experience in dating and gaming the dating system and if they're actively dating younger women and don't date in their age range of 10 or so years, part of me thinks there is something a little fishy about that?
To be honest, say if I had stuck with him, he'd 53, 54 now, and when I was forty he'd be in his late sixties…it's just not a good idea. 10 years is the cut off so yeah. Sounds like you have a good dude, then!
Also, sorry for wall of text lol
Not who you were talking to, but the guy does sound a little creepy, but honestly I'm glad the relationship worked out at least for a bit. Having perspective, gaining decent sexual experience and, well, the gifts, sounds like a good practice run to prepare for the future, learn about yourself more and get some confidence.
I like older guys too. Haven't been with anybody ever, but my parents are around 8 years apart and it works out okay, so I suppose they'd be fine with a 10-15 gap. Too bad I'm into 40~ range, and that's my mom's age, so far, far too old to ever feel good about it.
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>tfw absolutely obsessed with death, homicide, torture and necrophilia
>completely random strangers will set it off
>stuck on public transit for hours obsessing over different ways to follow them, restrain them, torture and kill them
>wind up halfway across the state, missed work, have no way to explain it to anyone
>can no longer drive, too obsessed with how easy it would be to cause a car crash and kill everyone involved
>can't go to funerals
>can't even drive past a cemetery without spending the entire day there
>can't be around any violent imagery or stimulus without being consumed by it
>used to spend days on end hoarding gore and medical trivia
>on top of the obsession, have an unholy compulsion to act on it
>thank fuck I have it restrained now but when I was a teenager it nearly ruined my life (and did for many other people)
>the urge to hurt other people never fucking leaves unless I act on it, and even then it's only gone for a little while, a few hours at the absolute most
>don't want to die personally but I've seriously considered it many times just to make sure I don't hurt anyone else
>only just diagnosed a couple of weeks ago by my current psychologist who thinks that it might be manageable
>as opposed to dozens of other doctors who thought I was a psychopath and incurable
>tfw I'm so fucking scared that something will happen that will make me lose control again
>tfw I just want the intrusive thoughts to stop
Jesus, you're a great example of what is wrong with women these days. You were 14, not 8 for fuck's sake, if it made you uncomfortable then you should have stopped talking instead of blaming him. You do realize most girls go for older guys because they make them feel "mature" and "womanly", especially in middle/high school, right? Did you have to get butthurt over inconsequential crap? Had you heard about "bad men" abusing "defenseless children" on TV a few days prior to you developing that feeling?
A lot of you are just making a huge fuss out of nothing. Stop playing victim and get your shit together for fuck's sake.
Same thing for the girl who got "raped" when she was high on K. How stupid do you have to be to take huge doses of a dissociative anaesthetic when outside with people you don't know/trust? You're as pathetic as the high school girls that take LSD during raves and have bad trips. Psychedelics are not party drugs (especially in higher doses), set and setting are primordial, you can only blame yourself when things go wrong with drugs. I've been doing loads of drugs for the last 6 years, and I've never once complained for the shit that happened to me while I was tripping on deliriants, despite waking up in the hospital after a 3-day blackout.
You have to realize that trauma is something you have control over, if you victimize yourself and give importance to benign things just for the sake of drama, no wonder you end up "traumatized". You're beating into your own skulls that you've been through something traumatic you can't get over, when the original issue was nowhere near as major as you make it out to be today. I'm not saying PTSD doesn't exist, or that no one ever gets traumatized, but the mind is a VERY powerful thing, and that's something you should give credit to.
You do sound like a sociopath tbh but the fact that you're this self aware is at least a good sign.
Probably been asked this a billion times but what is it specifically about the act of injuring/killing people that satisfies you.
I mean at the root of every urge there's reason and logic. Where does the desire stem from.
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man here, honest answer:
GET RID OF HIM.
he has severe psychological issues and seems to be some sort of pedophile, and wants to have sex with you. the fact that he blatantly refuses to stop making sexual advances means he does not care about you like any normal person would. if he knew you in real life he would probably try to date rape you.
keep in mind that, if a guy wants to talk to you and likes you, 90% chance he wants to have sex with you, even if he doesn't say anything sexual. This is not a bad thing, it's just human nature, but you need to make sure there is no malicious intent. he has malicious intent.
losing a child just subconsciously causes trauma, it's like some sort of defense mechanism to avoid child loss. this is why you need to avoid pregnancy rather than just get an abortion.
once your hormones calm down it shouldn't be so bad.
It gives me a feeling of control and power over that person, sexual gratification, and it's deeply satisfying in an animalistic way that I can't really describe, but if I had to try I'd say that it's like scratching an itch and orgasming at the same time. Also it removes the possibility of that person hurting me or harming me (the dead don't do shit) and gets me closer to the dead, which I have a paraphilia for.
tl;dr it's largely sexual but there is a power trip and desperate need for control going on as well>>25346
Initially ASPD, but my last two psychologists decided it is actually bipolar type 1 (with the psychosis stemming from manic episodes), OCD, and paraphilia NOS (necrophilia). I'm happy to no longer have a personality disorder hanging over my head, but the shit they decided on is also incredibly hard to treat…
What about consensual roleplay sex? Would that be enough to fulfill your needs?
Not teasing or anything, just curious and trying to understand.
(Also, do you think any particular event that may have caused this?)
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I've tried it many times before, and anything consensual or involving roleplay simply doesn't satisfy me.
I think that seeing my father kill a lot of animals when I was a child, mostly our own pets. Also my mother took me to a lot of funerals, which exposed me to death at a young age and frequently. Probably those two things combined in addition to having a very abusive home growing up and being forced to repress my emotions and sexual desires.
If I decide to kill myself soon, which seems very likely, I could donate my body to you for you to do whatever with. I'd let you kill me, too, if you'd like.
Are you Necrofag from /r9k/?
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I'm in a committed relationship right now, and I've talked over this possibility with my partner many times. She considers it cheating and sleeping with your corpse would mean ending the only decent relationship I've ever had. So while I deeply appreciate the offer, I have to decline.
If you're a girl and live in the UK i'd appreciate it if you took my virginity before killing yourself.
I've always liked older men. I lost my virginity to a 28 year old. Here's age of consent is 16, so there was an age gap. Still prefer older men.
I never slept with a teenager because young bodies never did it for me, plus they were so fucking immature.
Good taste from what I see. The sleb I crave most now is in his early 60s but he's hot as fuck.
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Closest I've been to molesting the dead was touching the balls of the exhibits at Bodyworlds. I had to be stealth because you're not supposed to touch them, but I touched as much dead cock n ballz as I could and it was sexually exciting.
Tbh, all the plasticized bodies were a turn on. I prefer mine dead but without skin and blood. I'm not even kidding.
Er, jeez dude, you should probably just remove yourself society in the near future if you ever feel those urges begin to become uncontrollable.
Like, I mean that in the nicest way possible, it just sounds like what you've got caught be cured and it would remove the possibility of you destroying multiple lives in the future.
Do you not get worried about the potential consequences of vengeance if you ever did end up harming somebody? Cause I'm saying like if somebody every murdered my husband I wouldn't rely on the police, I'd hunt that person forever, eventually find them, incapacitate and subject them to extreme torture for days, maybe even weeks before putting them out of their misery and burying them in an unmarked grave. Wouldn't even care if I ultimately got caught as long as I satisfied that need for revenge.
Hey I went to Bodyworlds in the UK like 2 years ago!
Are u a Britfag m8.
16 year old girl wanting to bang an older man is literally 100% natural
it's the same shit as 30 year old men wanting to bang 16-18 year olds.
it's all fuckin natural as shit.
>>25329>You were 14, not 8 for fuck's sake, if it made you uncomfortable then you should have stopped talking instead of blaming him
>Did you have to get butthurt over inconsequential crap?
Go fuck yourself.
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I loved Bodyworlds, I went to the New York exhibit sometime last year. Got so many cool pictures. Didn't touch any of the exhibits but I've gotten much closer to unpreserved dead so there wasn't any real need. Good to hear you got your fix, though.>>25466>just sounds like what you've got caught be cured and it would remove the possibility of you destroying multiple lives in the future.
Not entirely sure what you mean by this, but rest assured I am reclusive as humanly possible and if there's ever even the slightest sign of me relapsing, there's a team of docs who are ready to have me permanently locked up. Lots of messy paperwork and release forms and such. Even filled out a homicide safety plan with my shrink this last Wednesday.
I figure if I ever did something to someone with loved ones, I would deserve anything that happened to me if they went looking for vengeance. I have no illusions that what I do is anything but morally reprehensible and extremely traumatizing to anyone affected. I'd almost be eager for someone to torture me at this point, I feel like I deserve some sort of punishment beyond living with guilt and regret.>>25472
This isn't the first time I've posted here, but I always do so anonymously, as I do with every chan other than 4. Different imageboards offer different audiences, and sometimes it's nice to hear from different groups of people.
I didn't mean it's NOT awful, just that now I see why they do it>>25486
Not what I had in mind when I said "charming." I think I'll pass.
Obviously, I have a thing for manipulative mean girls who are also charismatic and interesting. I'm alright with being mistreated by them.
Well man, at least I can't say you're not honest/realistic.
I almost feel like patting you on the head and feeding you fudge because there are so many people with similar disorders that are in complete denial with what they are and seriously try to profess that their way is the "pure", "natural" order of the world when really their brain is just 7 shades if fucked up.
Regarding the ASPD diagnosis mentioned earlier, are you still capable of feeling associative empathy and such?
(not related but for a while I thought I might have ASPD due to an almost exclusive lack of empathy and a brutally logical/almost robotic line of thinking and method of communicating with people but whilst I can and could snuff out life with little to no remorse if required (animal mercy killings) the fact that I occasionally get a tad squeamish watching shit like pilonidal cysts or toenails being removed at the bed in Embarrassing Bodies means I'm probably just super Autistic or super emotionally repressed).
Hey Anon, do you have a predatory stare?
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Thanks, I guess. Believe me, when I was a teenager I was convinced nothing was wrong with me and that the rest of the world was the one at fault. Thought that I had the superior world view and that taking someone's life or seriously injuring them was doing them a favor. Couldn't empathize with any of them at all, not for years and years. Took a lot of therapy and medication. Part of me is still afraid that I was just brainwashed by the institution and that I was right all along, but I know that's just paranoia talking and that this all really is for the best. Not indulging these urges, I mean.
I do when I'm angry, stressed out, tired, or displaying pretty much any emotion. I force myself to be as blank as possible the majority of the time so nobody even thinks twice about me. Sometimes I can't help it, though. My gf hates it but appreciates that I can lower my defenses a little around her.
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Yeah, every time I start getting too wrapped up in the idea I try to remind myself of all of the good things in my life and remember that if I had kept up that behavior, I wouldn't have anything other than my hedonistic indulgence. It's not worth giving up everything I've worked for to satisfy these urges, no matter how strong they are. It's just fucking hard, you know?
just fyi I'm a woman
but I'm sure you don't want a bf with a look like that, there's too much bullshit that comes with the territory
OH BOY EVEN BETTER SINCE I'M ACTUALLY VASTLY MORE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN AS OPPOSED TO MEN
(actually though, legit, I get a long a hell of a lot better with sociopaths and ASPD individuals and it disturbs me because these relationships have never once ended in a healthy or closed manner and a lot of them were frightening individuals but my emotionally repressed self feels really connected to people who are just as or more busted than I am. I can anyways pick these people out in a room when I do come across them, something about their body language lights up like a fucking beacon).
Stay cool, Necroqueen.
This has been an interesting thread for me.
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I'm like in the absolute pits of Wester poverty right now.
I'm typing this crying after another sleepless night. I can't sleep because of the cold and the overwhelming smell of damp, must and mould.
This year was my first year at university but I got sick… or rather had always been sick but my symptoms got worse and I finally got a diagnosis.
Because of the amount of lessons I'd missed I knew I wouldn't be able to pass my end-of-year exams and they wouldn't let me redo a year so I decided to leave and start again at another uni this September.
Since then I've been back at home living with my mother and I don't think it could be anymore clear that I'm not wanted here.
I've been put in the only space available which is a cramped damp basement with no windows, no radiator, no vents and no floor. It flooded the year before and my mother never bothered to get it fixed.
Because there's only cold bare concrete it keeps in all the moisture and no vents to allow air circulation the room is growing mould. Because I have nowhere to store my clothing I purchased one of those open-railing rack things, but now all my clothes are growing mould too. Because there's no windows every night I go to sleep in complete darkness and wake in complete darkness.
I don't have a bed, only a tiny sofa that's so small my legs hang over the end when I lie on my back, and everyday my back aches because of it.
Because of the mould spores I've developed a cough that won't go away and my throat constantly feels raw.
The smell is do bad, permeating, pungent damp, I have headaches every day. Sleeping through it is a nightmare, no matter where I turn my head or how hard I press my face into my duvet it's there.
I asked my mother if I could sleep upstairs on a sofa for the final duration of my stay but she said no, I have to stay downstairs. She told me she's lucky she's not making me pay rent.
Everyday I have to get out a bottle of nail polish remover and a sponge and scrub away the patches of green/white mould growing on my bed-sofa. I figured the acetone might be more effective than normal disinfectant.
University was supposed to be my ticket out of poverty and I'm right back here again in worse conditions than before I left.
I know I only have a little while left to go but I'm frightened something is going to happen again that will mean I have to leave university and will have no choice but to return here.
I feel so sick everyday, I just wish I didn't feel so sick.
I don't know if it's because I'm inhaling spores or something but I feel dreadful, like my body is malnourished or something.
You can't die from sleeping in a mouldy room right?
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they seed in your lungs. spores will germinate when the immune system is weak. the hyphae will spread throughout your body. protecting you like an exoskeleton.
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I generally need a lot of alcohol to get through my day, I've abused benzos and opioids in the past and generally can't go long without some substance to cope for my crippling anxiety, loneliness and sleep disorder.
It sounds like you should go to a doctor. Mold can be pretty bad. Maybe you could get your mom to do something about the mold by saying it would affect the health of the people living in the rest of the house, too.
She doesn't sound easy to talk to, but would it work to ask her what you can do to be allowed to sleep upstairs? Like chores or an IOU. Maybe she thinks it'll be inconvenient for some reason, but you could say you'd be awake or asleep by a certain time that works for her. Would another family member take you in if you let them know it's for a set amount of time and not indefinitely?
I don't know what your health problems are, but the only other thing I can think of is goverment assistance. If you're disabled and depending on the country, your mom could get paid to be your caretaker, which would be your rent to her. A women's shelter could be another option, but those have their own issues. Sorry about your situation anon.
130lbs at 5'7" is an absolutely perfect weight Anon, you don't sound even the slightest bit fat.
I'm 5'7" now but when I was a teen I was 130lbs and 5'5" and I liked fucking hot, I can't imagine how good you look now.
Why are you still with this dirtbag? Dunno him and date me instead, I'll comb your hair and buy you cute sweaters.
(not that anon) I'm a panic- based self harmed too, so I understand where you're coming from. I never do it unless I'm flipping out, so it's hard not to do it. It's not like it's a habit, it just happens. Even if I can't find anything to do it with, I'll still dig my nails into my skin or punch the fuck out of my leg.
Unfortunately I have no tips for you at this time, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
Anon are you me.
I either way like a pig most days or if I want to restrict I don't just minimise my intake or eat healthier, I just don't eat. I switch to like 300-500 cals a day and exercise for one hour every night.
I don't know, sometimes I want it.
My mom molested me and I'm a severely depressed virgin with lots of fucked up fetishes and I constantly have to fight misogynistic thoughts and ideology. I secretly read my friends tumblr, read her feminist posts where they talk about men, and I feel like she resents me. She is one of the few people in my life and I don't know why I look at her blog, it violates her privacy and hurts me. I go on /r9k/ because I identify with their depressive side, but I'm far to self aware to identify with their hatred. I constantly crave female approval and want more than anything to feel loved in any capacity, even platonically, by a woman, but ultimately know that this desire is codependent, probably misogynistic and certainly unhealthy. I can't drink, the pills don't work, I won't be able to kill myself so I'm stuck in a downward slide until my quality of life gets so bad that I die.
I do this sometimes too.
If anyone wants a friend/therapist whatever I can take on 1 (ONE) lucky applicant. Leave contact info inquire within
Finally cut off my narcissistic "friend". I've been trying to distance myself from him for a while, end a friendship like a normal person, but he decided he wanted to meet up with me and my bf to "talk about things." What followed was a fucking lecture essentially about how we were awful people for not patting his ass anymore, and wanting things to be like they used to, when I was a hopeless NEET doing absolutely nothing for myself. He wanted to go over to MY HOUSE to do this, thank god I didn't let him. I essentially lost my shit, said almost everything I wanted to say. My bf was a lot more stoic, he's had a lot more experience with handling delusional people.
It was the most infuriating, self-involved thing I had ever heard from another human being. He got mad at us for telling him we didn't want to be sent porn anymore. He genuinely believes he's like Superman and he's here to motivate us into better lives, single handedly, when in reality he's a spoiled shit with the mentality of a child, with no friends besides us, constantly dumping his emotional issues onto us. That's why I didn't cut it off earlier– I was legitimately worried he would kill himself. He needs help, but he doesn't think he needs any.
I got a panic attack, and he really didn't care. It wasn't the first one I've gotten around him either. I then decided that I wouldn't talk to him or let him in my house anymore. He texted my bf (not me) that he was done with me, so I messaged him he wasn't allowed in my house anymore, to have a nice life.
I don't know. Ever since I was a child, I have attracted these energy sucking, self involved, delusional people. But I think now, I'm done with it. People who drain your energy and make you panic, and don't care, are not worth it.
Jesus. This sounds an awful lot like the exchange I had with my ex about a month ago when he said he was considering moving to my hometown with his newest flavour of the month. He just totally let me have it when I told him it wasn't the smartest idea. He also thinks he's Superman to the people in his lives, and it's weird af.
Glad you were able to cut yours off finally. It feels good to let toxic people like that go. You shouldn't worry too much about him killing himself though. People like him think too highly of themselves to actually consider offing themselves.
I'm, like, really happy for you honestly. I hope you can move forward without too much incident. x
Yeah I get the whole feeling stupid for getting involved with an N bit, but it may have been beyond your control anyway. People like that are predatory little bitches, and having any sort of weakness whatsoever makes them want to zero in on you so they can play superman and look like a good guy. None of that is your fault really, and they're the fucked up one in the end.
You'll be ok. He'll be ok too, because he'll always be ok, but best to just let that go.
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My bf thinks I'm possessed. I'm serious about this, this is not a joke ok
What do I do?
S-sorry, I'm pedantic.
Thanks for sharing with me, anon.
When I can't get my hands on something sharp, I punch my legs and use my nails too.
Ah well, at least it helps me calm down.
My bf is 10 years older so I know your pain. You'll be getting a lot of people who will be "concerned" about you and your relationship, since you're obviously naive and being manipulated, since you're a young woman…
Its a good exercise in independence in my opinion. It was for me. I basically went in with my giant balls and my older bf, which my family and friends had to accept because its who I chose. If they don't accept him, that's not my problem.
Then again I'm not too close with my family, so maybe it was easier for me. I can envisage issues if your family is helping you out with bills etc.
Early twenties and mid-thirties>>29848
Luckily I've been financially independent for 6+ years, living alone for 4. I'm not so much guilty for my choice in partner, as I am for keeping information from my parents. Though I'd feel worse telling them the truth and having them worry, so I guess that's the trade off.
The guilt will probably fade over time, so for now I'm just waiting it out.
also>the guy is a lolicon>they know each others since she's 13>he made her call him oniichan since shes 13>he has a loli fetish
also i dont know where he lives
(im sorry for multiple replies)
Yeah it was just one group of 'friends' that I didn't hang much with anyways.
I'm sorry to say this but I somehow feel a bit better about it knowing I'm not the only one doing it.
Keeping your nails short and covering the wounds helps a bit though.
If you genuinely care, then why not look out for younger girls more?
You always hear stories about young girls at cons getting plied with alcohol and fucked in hotel rooms by guys (I'm talking 15 years old here), clearly not many people are actually looking out for them.
It feels good to know someone else understands it too. I try and keep my nails short and I wear sweaters so I'm not tempted to do anything.
They sound like awful people!
Congrats anon, that must feel really great! I'd love to move out of town where I don't know anybody. Just the other day at the store I saw someone I knew from high school and it made me want to die on the spot. I hate that anyone from that time knows who I am or knows that I still exist. It disgusts me.
When I got home I kept sperging out and hitting myself because I was ~triggered
~ by bad memories.
I tried for years to change my weird eating behaviors. I've given up. I don't even care anymore. (I'm >>32247
"weird"? how so?
why don't you care?
Sage for ~my personal blog~ shit
I've always been very picky. Even as a baby, I refused to be bottle-fed or drink formula, and for a while, all I would eat was popsicles ("poskickles," lol). I usually have around five things at a time that I consider "food." Everything else sounds disgusting and I can't bring myself to eat it. Sometimes I'll eat one of these things several times a day, every day, for years. Then, one day, it'll drop off of the "food" list and I'll never want to eat it again.
I was very rigid and restrictive about my intake for most of my life. I ate no more than 1400 calories/day for around seven years. I recently got severe serotonin syndrome and I think it gave me brain and nerve damage. Everything has gone to shit since then. I don't sleep. I have muscle spasms all the time. I sweat like a pig for no reason. I'm almost completely nonfunctional, and, best of all, I'm gaining massive amounts of weight very rapidly. I'm starving all the time and feel like I'm going to die if I don't eat something, but no matter what I eat, it doesn't take away the feeling. I can't sleep or do anything else because of it.
A while ago, I said fuck it, I can't even be assed to prepare food anymore, so I'm just going to live off of pre-packaged shit. It ended here, with me unable to leave the house and unwilling to eat anything other than these few types of goddamn energy bars. I think the final nail in the "not caring" coffin was my mother turning to me with the most venomous stare I've ever seen and saying, "I hate you." Baww, poor me.
Not to say that my diet is in any way normal or healthy, but it's not what you're thinking of. I mostly eat bars that are like unprocessed trail mix with nuts, seeds, raisins, etc. They're low in sugar and I don't see how they don't qualify as "actual food." If I wasn't so fucking lazy, I could make them myself and save a lot of money.
I actually have great skin (on an ugly face and body) and am very underweight, but in general, my health is shit. It's been shit since I was born, though; it's not due to the energy bars. I mean, I'm sure I'm not making things any better, but like I said, I've given up.
>tfw receiving a package with eight boxes of the same type of bar
This is truly a rare feel.
wat. correlation != causation. just because i start using drugs doesn't mean i automatically have a lot of sex partners.
or are you saying that mdma specifically causes you to get a lot of sex partners? that's bullshit, i think alcohol is a lot likely to make you have risky sex or sex you otherwise wouldn't have. the one real hookup with a guy i did have, it was because of alcohol.
Man that's depressing. I didn't think farmers were sluts.
Tfw sluts = best sex but you can't help but hate them for what they do.
uhhh, if you were told this was the female version of /r9k/ you were told wrong
who do you like to have sex with then?
Even pure MDMA is actually one of the more dangerous drugs if you don't know what you're doing. If you wait less than 3 months between each dosing, you are likely inducing permanent brain damage. Heroin and crack are more addictive, but actually much safer than MDMA if you don't OD.
I'm sorry to hear that :( That's one of the reasons I feel like I have to move. I run into people I know all the time and it makes me feel so embarrassed.
I'm not sure what happened to you in your school life to make you feel embarrassed, but I actually dread going to parties or events because i might run into a person I went to school with. I wasn't a very good kid back then, but have changed a lot since then. The scary part is that people see the kid they knew in high school and not the new you that has changed since then.
I know people in my new town (my bff lives there) but not too many. It's kind of like a fresh start where all the people I meet will know me as the new me and not my past self. I feel like it will be easier to improve myself once I'm away from my past.
Hopefully you won't have to be stuck in your town forever either. I hope you find what you're looking for!
Super fucking shameful confession time.
I've had awful insomnia lately, and I'm getting fat because I'm up 20-24 hours of the day and get so fucking hungry I can't stand it. It's physically painful and it interrupts what little sleep I do manage to catch. Every time, I eventually give in and eat, but no matter how much I eat, I'm still ravenous. I'm now eating around twice as many calories/day as I was a few months ago, and I've already packed on 15 fucking pounds of what looks like pure fat. I'm disgusted by my body and have never been this depressed in my life. I can barely even make myself leave the house anymore. Oh, and then there's the fact that none of my clothes fit now.
The reeeeeally embarrassing part: I'm repulsed and bewildered by the fact that my recent rapid weight gain has made me really, really, really fucking horny. The way my body now feels soft and smooth all over instead of hard and bony, my newly formed curves that have replaced protruding bones and sunken hollows, my rounded belly…fuck, the temptation to just completely let go and allow myself to eat completely unrestricted is so strong. It's not just like I get the urge to binge eat - I feel an intense need to binge on unhealthy shit and then masturbate (or while doing so). I don't want to be actually overweight (I'm still a long way from being there; I started out very underweight), I just apparently get really turned on by the idea of weight gain and stuffing oneself with food. It's disgusting and I'd never tell this to anyone in real life. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
Yeah, I've turned into a different person since the insomnia started. I have had a lot of unexplained symptoms, my whole body hurts all the time, I forget what's been going on most of the time, etc. I saw a doctor at a sleep disorders clinic and scheduled a sleep study, but it's not for like two more months. By that point, if things continue in the direction they've been going, I'll have gained like 50 pounds and probably gone completely insane.
But what the fuck? Why am I associating sex with eating or gaining weight? This is fucking shameful. I'm not a chubby chaser or something.
Sage for bawww poor me/no1curr personal blog shit>>32960
I currently am without a psychiatrist and no one is taking new patients in my area. I've tried to get into three different sleep disorder clinics and all three were booked through October/November. I've already tried almost every sort of sleep aid there is, and they don't help. Nothing puts me to sleep for more than around 2 hours. Well, nothing short of a needle full of Ativan or Haldol. The only times I've gotten any decent rest recently have been when I've gone completely out of my mind from sleep deprivation and pain a few times and ended up on 72-hour holds in psych wards. I found that if I banged my head against the wall of my "holding cell," eventually people would come in and restrain and sedate me, allowing me to catch a few delightful hours of uninterrupted sleep.>>32962
It's not hot (can't tell if you were being sarcastic), it's gross and embarrassing and pathological. I don't find the quality of being overweight/obese attractive, so I have no idea why, when I
started gaining weight, my libido went into overdrive (and focused on food?!). I'm really not okay with this. I want my old body back, but I'm suddenly like "damn, this ass feels nice" or I feel my legs rub against each other and then I want to go shove more food in my face.
I want to die.
Wasn't being sarcastic, I honnestly think it's cool and hot to feel exited about your own body, I wish I could be more confident about mine.
Buy i totaly get your struggle, I don't xwant the rest of your problem. I just wanna think i'm hot and masturbate thinking about me.
I'm seeing my primary care doctor in a few days, and I'm going to beg for a referral to a neurologist and/or endocrinologist. I'm just trying to hold it together until then. All these specialists are scheduling months out, though, and it's pretty depressing.
I keep saying "fuck it, I give up" and then changing my mind and going "wait, maybe I can fix this somehow." Right now, I just want to eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. I'm already "full" but I still feel so hungry. It's torture.
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My abusive ex-boyfriend who mistreated me, cheated on me and fucked around with and severely crippled my self esteem for years is finally is reaping the toll of years of excess drinking and constant drug abuse and is really beginning to age horribly and then he's grown this disgusting big beard to cover it up and it looks awful oh my god.
I have his current girlfriend on Facebook because she's actually fucking lovely and can do so much better, but in pictures together he has become so sickly and flabby looking whilst I'm only getting more and more attractive with age, like turning into one of those really attractive woman in her early 20's, all trenchcoats and heels and red lisptick and long, shiny perfect hair and (finally) perfect skin and I fucking L.O.V.E it. I'm petty as hell and I don't give a fuck any more.
I was told by a friend last month that he came in one night off his face on ketamine, fell asleep in the hallway, pissed and shit himself in his sleep and his girlfriend had to clean him in the morning whilst trying to get ready for work herself.
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET YOU FUCK
THE BEST REVENGE REALLY IS BECOMING HOT
I have seriously tried everything legal with no avail. Diphenhydramine does nothing
for me anymore. I don't think melatonin ever did anything for me. I think my brain just fucking broke.
Confession: I WANT TO DIE
Thank you, thank you, thank you :>
Sounds like you might know what this feels like.
~ for my-personal-blog-shit>>33395
BTW, I went to the hospital in tears, suicidal, desperate to get some sleep, and they just stuck me in a room for a few hours and then told me they had no reason to keep me and that I wouldn't benefit from an inpatient stay. They wouldn't do any imaging/testing or give me any medications or anything. I wanted to beg them to just give me a fucking shot of something like Ativan - I was SO tempted to freak out and start bashing my head against the wall or fighting the nurses so I could get restrained and sedated. I honestly may resort to doing something like that again soon. A few weeks ago, I kind of sort of attacked a police officer and cops tackled me and gave me a shot of Versed before dragging me off to the psych ward. The Versed was glorious. I got the best sleep. I would pay so much money for a lifetime supply of that shit.
I think I probably have brain damage. Maybe nerve damage too. I don't know. Maybe it's a tumor or something else. Something's definitely wrong. I'm a totally different person than who I was a year ago and I hate what I've become, but I feel totally powerless to stop it. I just keep making the situation worse and worse for myself. For example, failed suicide attempts bite you in the ass.
Oh and I'm at least half asleep right now and I am about to impulse buy almost $600 of shit off of Amazon. I can't stop myself. What have I become? Please kill me. I do not want to live this life anymore. I am defective.
I hope I do have a brain tumor and that it's terminal. Then I could die and it wouldn't be "my fault" like a suicide. I don't want people to be mad at me after I'm dead.
I'm so sleep deprived I've started doing really crazy shit, I'm not careful at all like I used to be, I don't care about things I used to care about because I feel like I've lost everything in my life and there's just no fucking point. Emo whining on lolcow dot farm at three o'clock in the morning, yes, this is a good thing to be doing.
Dude, take a shower, get a gym membership, and start jogging. It's not the end of the world. Calm down.>>34581
You need a therapist. And a psychiatrist. Lolcow will not help you, and neither will Amazon.
So many fucking crazies in this thread.
you NEED to eat better if you want to lose weight.
You can exercise all you want but you are not going to lose ANYTHING eating macdonalds everyday.
making good food choices is 80% of losing weight.
Just fapsturbate furiously. You can do it anon, I was in a LDR for a year, and the times between us meeting I wanted to die of horniness. You can make it anon, I believe in you.
Just put a cork in it yo.
I know that; I eat healthy, though, and I'm not just saying that, I swear. I never eat at restaurants, I don't eat anything fried or shit like pizza or burgers, I eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables, poached/baked skinless chicken breasts, Greek yogurt, clear soups, etc. Small portions of everything, blah blah blah. I never had a problem maintaining my weight before a few months ago and then everything inexplicably went to shit. Is this what getting old does to you? If so, I'm not a fan…
Not her but tbh I think you have overly idealistic views of what exactly the police can do in that kind of situation; they likely wouldn't bother.
Say they paid her a visit, she would probably lie and say she fell down some stairs or walked into a cabinet a some shit, they would side-eye each other, and then without evidence or a confession of a crime having been committed they would just leave. They have to deal with these kind of call-outs everyday and the women almost always pussy out and cover up for their live-in brute.
Tbh those women are the only ones that can help themselves and if they're not willing to take that first step then what can they expect to change?
I watched my mother go through it for years with her psycho alcoholic boyfriend and I will always secretly resent her for being so weak as to stick around in the hopes that he would magically change because she "loved" him whilst dragging I and my 4 sisters from house to house to house, town to town, even country to country because they kept getting evicted or he kept getting arrested and we had to put up with the nightly beatings and the screams that would accompany them.
It's hard to have sympathy for people that stupid, even if they did sire you.
I suppose you're right. It just still makes me sad to see men who think it's alright to beat their girlfriends or wives. Like… ugh how much of a shit parent do you have to be for your son to grow up like that?
You are definitely right about the only person who can help themselves are the women being abused, but so many of them feel helpless and have nowhere to turn.
I have a friend, let's call him Ryan. He's one of my best friends, and he's good-looking, intelligent, and laid back. Even though our school doesn't have a huge dating culture, he's managed to find some girls who are interested in him. Unfortunately, he seemed to find the worst possible match for on campus.
Ryan was casually seeing a girl for a couple of weeks back last year in 2014. Then, out of the blue after summer break started, he started Skyping another girl from school, "Kally". Apparently, he fell head over heels in love with her for some reason and they started traveling together for the summer. After that, Kally basically moved in to his dorm room for the year. And this summer, the two went abroad together to visit Ryan's parents, and Ryan lived with Kally and her parents. This year, it turns out Kally would not be coming back to school because she was on academic probation, but Ryan wanted to continue being in a LDR.
Ryan has told me before he thinks Kally is really cute. I don't see it, but to each his own. But if Kally was a guy and not so cute and the opposite gender, people might think she's a stereotypical neckbeard. Here's the problems:
* Ryan and Kally are at VERY different levels of maturity. Ryan is an international student who mostly takes care of things by himself when he's away from his family. Kelly is a girl from a rich family who lives thirty minutes from home. Apparently, she's always trying to get her family to fix things or bring things for her.
* Kally didn't have too many friends on campus, so she'd always tried to tag along on things that had previously been guys only. Kally is pretty socially awkward, so those nights became a lot less fun. Kally said she thought it was hard making friends with girls, so I think she tries hard to be "one of the guys", but it hasn't been working. She also likes to say inappropriate things out loud under the guise of humor. Even though she's an adult, she thinks poop jokes are funny.
* Kally also doesn't have a lot of things in common with me or the rest of Ryan's friends. Most of us are in a major together with Ryan and are passionate about the subject, so we love talking about it. Kally isn't. When I mentioned to her that I liked Jodorowsky, she said, "That's weird." She tried going to book club with us once, but it's clear she isn't a huge fan of reading.
* Kally's makes a huge mess. Before, I would visit Ryan's dorm room and it'd always be pretty neat, at least for a college guy. When Kally moved in, there was often a ton of clutter on the floor. But that's not the worst part. Apparently there'd be a ton of hair and pubes on the floor too. Gross. She's a sloppy eater and it's clear she doesn't brush her teeth very well.
* Ever since he was dating her, he stopped going out that much. I know he tried to study more last year, but I also think it's because he's doing to stop Kally from getting jealous.
* Sometimes she would act like a baby in public, which is weird and creepy or she'd treat Ryan like he's a baby. Kally tries way too hard to act cutesy around people, especially guys, in general.
* Ryan recently mentioned recently about helping Kally find a therapist and mentioning that she was having a hard time. With that alone, I don't think right now Kally is in a good position for a relationship, and Ryan shouldn't be the one having to take care of her personal problems.
There's a lot more I could get into, but I'll end it here.
Ryan's a great guy, but I think he's been insecure about dating, especially now that he's been trying to study more and look for a job. I don't want him to think Kally is the best he can get.
Have you told him this though.
Sometimes being a good friend means telling them something they don't want to hear.
This was so sad to read.
I've met a person in real life who bitches like we do on lolcow and I was just embarrassed. I'd never want to carry over this ugly guilty pleasure IRL.
The guy was a 2edge fag who tried to overcompensate for his lack of physical appeal with incessantly insulting others, even to their face, it was so fugly.
It's more towards reality TV/current events than specific individuals. There's also hair and make up discussion which, again, is something I don't get to talk about a lot.
I don't know. I'm inherently a girly-girl but seem to never gravitate towards others like me. It's a relief to finally be gossipy and shit.
Ah I see.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
However, sometimes I meet people that really remind me of lolcow and that is NOT a compliment.
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I prefer cute guys for sex only and guys like yamashita tomohisa for something serious. I'm weird
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My nigga!! Great tastes.
My ultimate fantasy is to be a kind of caregiver/helper/comforter/confidante/accomplice to a really fucked up, violent lunatic. Like being the Mrs. Lovett to a Sweeney Todd or the Lua to a Ladd Russo. Getting to clean them up (and fuck them, of course) after they've been injured, soothing them through their breakdowns, running my fingers over their scars, being the only one they actually care about or show their vulnerable side to, etc…hnnnnnggggg
I feel really, really guilty about this. I also wouldn't actually want the emotional baggage or the risk involved in being in a relationship with someone like that. The thought of it, though, just turns me on and always has. My earliest feelings of arousal, back before I even knew what sexuality was, were always linked to characters in books/movies/TV shows who were crazy, wounded, and/or disfigured. Watching someone get tortured or fight people or have a mental breakdown shouldn't make me horny. I hate you, brain.
Thanks; I've never written fanfiction and I'm well out of my teens. But yeah, I know, I know, I'm super edgy. That's me. Yep.>>35993
I don't want to act any of this out in real life. I don't even want these thoughts to be in my head.
Haha. Wow are you 16 or something? This is like a legit tumblr entry.
But in all seriously, life gets better once you're old enough to get your own job, move out and do what you please for the most part. And please don't be another fucking fakeboi. We don't need any more mentally ill people running around demanding rights.
Naw bruv' I'm actually pretty anal about moderating my intake I just don't move around much so I'm not exhausting my energy surplus and it's getting stored as fat.
tbh I really just need to reduce my intake to like 1400cals or something.