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No. 551818

Vent your heart out, ladies!

Previous one:
>>>/ot/543190

No. 551819

>>551818
This was my first time starting a thread

No. 551822


No. 551826

the only way i can see my niece when she is born (around 2-3 weeks from now) is to completely quarantine myself for that long. no leaving my apartment, no friends, no nothing. my mom and other sister for one reason or another are not doing this, so i think it'll just be me and my dad (not sure who on BIL's side). my sister also has a 1 year old, so i feel like she needs all hands on deck. her husband wfh but is always on call
it's really getting to me psychologically, being alone all the time. i feel like i can't maintain friendships or anything. i have a few people that will deliver things i need, but i hate needing help and it'll hurt being unable to see them when i know they're right outside my door, feet away from me. i feel like i can only get drunk or take a lot of klonopin to cope. i'm running out of things to do or positivity

No. 551838

I wish my parents would take self isolation and quarantine seriously! It's infuriating, they've gone to my grandparents today and they're saying they are keeping distance but it doesn't matter! Your not meant to visit them at all! They are at risk from their age but also other factors. It doesn't matter your bored at home, one of you still works! Why are they fine risking their lives? Why do they have to be so selfish they can't stay in the house and video call them. I'm so mad and stressed.

No. 551899

>>551826
Braver than the marines, anon. My sister is also pregnant, having her baby in a few months or something and I am kinda feeling bad for her ass. No one is gonna be able to help her in our side of family but at the same time, not my kids.

No. 551904

I hate my hair!! I hate having 3c/4a hair. I want to be able to wake up and actually just not having to deal with it. I've been looking at keratin treatments because I'm so fed up of washing it, twisting it and to do that again in a week, how the fuck do they keep when they work fucking 40 hrs a week.

No. 551958

i hate the show impractical jokers. it isn't funny. i've never been able to sit through a single "prank" so i may biased in my view, but i think it's the definition of trash television. the show revolves around immature middle age men who "challenge" and "punish" each other by having the men do embarrassing things in public, most of which involve being incredibly annoying or rude to innocent bystanders and overall putting those bystanders in extremely uncomfortable situations.

maybe i have a stick up my ass but if they were ever filming around me i'd probably go off on them for acting inappropriately.

idk why it's so popular. other than my mother i don't know anyone who doesn't like it.

No. 551960

I'm so furious. My boyfriend agreed to come visit me tomorrow and I was so excited to see him. Our country handled the coronavirus pretty well and we only have a handful of new cases every day so meeting him wouldn't be a risk since we were both self isolating until now. But what does he do today? He goes to attend a fucking protest against the government just for shits and giggles. And afterwards he asked me if it was still okay for him to come see me and that he "totally forgot and wasn't thinking". Seriously what the fuck. He knows that the rest of my family has health problems and my mom died a few months ago because of an infection. And he just "forgot" that he might catch the virus if he went to a massive protest?

No. 551962

>>551960
Did you tell him off? Sorry about your mom, he should've fucking used his head, pissed off for you anon.

No. 551981

>>551958
I totally agree with you anon. I think it's childish and a low form of comedy. The only people I've seen who enjoy it are children tbh.

No. 551984

>>551960
He's not the brightest bulb in the box is he

No. 552004

My boyfriend said he's worried about our relationship due to how materialistic I am, when this only came up because I was voicing I was sad because everyone is buying things they've wanted for years, and I can't because all mine would be coming overseas where post is locked down. I'm also kinda upset because everyone I know is getting unemployment money, 600 a week, however I'm getting paid leave by my work, BUT, I get scheduled once, maybe twice a week because it's shit, so I'm getting paychecks of about 120$ biweekly.

I'm just worried he's right? I can't tell if he's right, I'm just frustrated. I know I can get these things later, but at the moment, I just want to treat myself, as others are doing.

No. 552005

>>552004
he's trying to find a reason to dump you lmao

No. 552007

>>552004
Your bf is def exaggerating, you just venting about frustrating things and hopes is all you're doing. Maybe he's just frustrated he can't buy shit either and is projecting it off of you? Nothing you really said sounds materialistic, you're just thinking of the circumstances.

No. 552010

>>551904
Same, anon. I used to do Brazilian blowouts, but the health side effects are kind of worrying. Keratin treatments can be damaging as well. I wish I could shave my head without judgement and not have to deal with it.

No. 552011

My dad continues to be a rancid alcoholic and he wonders why none of his kids actually want to have a relationship with him.

He actually told my mom, that he wanted to put all his focus on me despite me being 19 years old. I have a job and I go to school. He had 18 years to actually get his act together and "help" me. He has three other kids much younger than me from a different woman that he cheated on my mom with, he should be focused on them.

Not like he would even know where to start, he doesn't even know I go to therapy.

He was also horribly abusive to my mom from when before I was even born until 10-11 years old. After that he was essentially an absent father who would be gone for days and even weeks on end.

I had to watch my mom get dragged into a closet and beaten/raped as I banged on the door begging him to stop at like 7. This was only one of several things me and my brother saw. He's never actually apologized or acknowledged any of these things.

He would also leave me and my half siblings in weird places with a drunk creepy man so he could go to AA. Which or course changed nothing.

I have to live with him and that makes it all the worse. He constantly brings homeless people (he gets drunk with them) to our house and last night he came in at 5 am drunk because he refuses to stay quarantined.

He's had several friends that have either A.died from alcoholism or B.almost died and now they don't associate with him because he's that bad. He didn't stop when I cried and begged for him to stop when I was 14 so he's definitely not going to stop until he almost dies or actually dies.

My mom constantly chides me about how I talk to him because apparently it's too mean. I don't know how she can stand to be married to him, but I really have to ask what has he done for me other than throw money at me to pretend like we have any semblance of a healthy father daughter relationship. I don't respect him, there's nothing to respect and I can't hide it when I speak to him.

The only time I could actually remember when I wholeheartedly loved him was when he would pick me up from preschool and get burritos from the little Mexican stands in the area. I hate him so much, sometimes I just wish he would die because he's obviously just a shell of a man but I don't actually want him to die, I just wish he cared enough about his family to actually change.

No. 552012

>>551904
This may sound ignorant, but exactly is the struggle with 3c/4a hair? I'm genuinely curious. As someone with 4c, I always thought looser hair textures looked way easier to maintain.

Anyway, maybe it might be worth investing in a wig? They can be expensive, but I've even seen youtube videos about super cheap amazon wigs, that still look good.

No. 552016

>>551904
Bruh, this is me, people think because we have some 3c hair it's a walk in the park. The 4a is so hard to deal with, I only have a little bit in the back of my head and I give up, I just bought some henna and I plan on using it weekly to help make my hair more manageable. My goal is to just have 3c all over or at least lessen shrinkage so that it's less prone to knots thus less time focused on detangling.
I hope you find something to help make your hair easier to deal with. I'm avoiding keratin because I heard people have had bad experiences with it and apparently consistent use leads to extreme breakage, however, I think that's only when it comes to protein sensitive individuals.

No. 552024

>>552004
What kind of "things" are you talking about wanting to buy? Would be an important distinction to figure out your level of potential materialism.

I'm assuming you must be living with your parents or someone is paying for your rent, car payment, food, etc? Sounds like you aren't really worried about these sorts of necessity things. You might be coming off sounding a little spoiled or something if you are fussing over not being able to buy say a purse that all your friends have?

Idk point being times are tough for many people right now, so tough they even can't afford aforementioned things like rent, food, insurance, etc.

No. 552026

>>552024
Statues I've wanted for years, special boots I've always wanted.
All stuff that like, I've been wanting for YEARS, but I grew up in a lower income family and never could afford anything like that. I'm 21, and have my first job, but like I said, I barely get paid there anyway, so I'm trying to buy a second. This government money just made me excited to finally let myself get the things I've wanted for so, so long.

I live with my boyfriend and a roommate, I don't have a car (rely on ubers, or walking), and I usually buy my own food, but all those expenses beside rent don't matter right now, and even with buying those things, I'd have money to keep for stuff like that when it'll come around.

I definitely get it if I was throwing an absolute fit at all, especially over something that I might lose interest in fast/replace. I tried explaining this to him and his reasoning was that he window shops and will likely not even buy the things he's looking at, while I will… which is dumb and unfair to me..

No. 552029

>>552026
Oh, and all of these items don't get any pricier than 130$ at the most.

No. 552031

>>551958
kenny vs spenny would make you have a stroke anon kun

No. 552033

how the fuck do I find self respect if I'm already 23 and I don't have enough of it

No. 552038

>>552010
Did you stop all treatments all together? Thinking about shaving however I have a weird shaped head a even weirder birthmark.

>>552012
Not ignorant at all, if you were to compare 4c to 4a hair, yeah it's easier I guess, however it's still the same concept of washing, styling, forever. I just might get a wig, but someone told me to not get a wig if you don't wear makeup due to it looking a lot fake.
>>552016
Does henna actually help with making this more manageable? I'm looking for things. I fell for the texturiser meme and screwed my hair once and had to cut it off. Keratin seems so tempting.

No. 552049

I don't like my boyfriend's friendship group. They're not bad people or anything, just a little annoying and I'd rather not spend my free time with them. But lately he's been hanging out with them a lot and I feel lonely as fuck. He's my only friend, which I know is pathetic, but I struggle quite a bit with making new friends and I have no idea where to search for them anyway. I miss him when he hangs out with them and he told me that if I want him to he'll spend more time with me, but I don't want to hold him back or take him away from them. I guess I feel kind of alienated, even though he's happy to include me and they don't like me either. I'm probably being stupid. Sometimes I wish that I fell for another loner instead so we could just spend time together in our own little world. I worry that I'm not enough or too boring for him in comparison to them.

No. 552061

>tfw professor is implying i cheated on a midterm
he sent me an email asking about an exam i took like 2 momths ago using the respondus browser + webcam–something about writing on a piece of paper??

i used paper to do the problems but i have no clue what he's talking about, especially since it's been 60 days… i s2g if i get a 0 or get kicked out of my uni over respondus, ugh. so stressed.

No. 552063

>>552038
nta but for some people henna can relax their hair, my mom went from 3b/3c to 2b with regular application. if you don't mind the tint it'll give ya, i'd say go for it!
i was looking at keratin too before getting in the CG thing (2c/3a) but the only reason i didn't get it was the fuckall way new growth looks, meaning i'd be stuck in a cycle of getting keratin treatments that cost a BOMB every few months

No. 552065

I’m not a great texter and I’m not upset cause it’s tinder and you don’t get owed an explanation, but it’s so weird to me how guys will start a conversation, send a few messages, drop off the face of the earth for 3 days, send one message continuing the convo, and repeat. It’s not like I’m even forcing the conversation, he asked me a question both times and then within 20 minutes I’d answer. Keeps me hanging on the telephone if that’s his goal, but I don’t understand his motivation— if he really didn’t want to talk to me, he could just ghost me?

No. 552070

Funny how after all these years my friend’s jealousy is still showing every time. She couldn’t be nice to me for once even if she tried. Even if I’m talking about something stupid and irrelevant, not a big deal. Of course she has to make mean comments about every single thing that I do and/or say, of course she feels she always has to win, of course she can’t understand I stopped caring about her opinion a long time ago.
How people can be so bitter about other people’s success? I mean, isn’t it tiring to be defensive all the time? Jeeeez, I wish she could focus on her life and stop being noisy for once, she seems like a 14 years old bully istg

No. 552072

I absolutely hate my past teen self (which I know is normal for a lot of people) so much that its starting to interfere with my day to day life.

I used to be quite fat, really cringey on tumblr (shitty anime cosplays and all that I know are just floating out there on the internet somewhere) and horribly mentally ill. I'd often try and start some new hobby or activity and just become disinterested or too frustrated to continue doing it which was really childish of me.

Since entering my 20s I've managed to loose a bit of weight, stop having such a dumb internet presence (deleted nearly all social media), though I still struggle with mental health. But for some reason I feel that because I used to be such a dumb fuckup I don't deserve to improve or do anything with my life, or if I became successful at something people will just dig up whatever old cringey shit and make fun of me mercilessly. I can't shake this mindset at all and I think it's keeping me back from actually achieving anything with my life. Spending my teens like that has left me feeling absolutely directionless.

Sorry for how self deprecating this has been sounding lol but I'm hoping at least someone else can relate

No. 552074

I want to become a good person.
I have many sins under me and done many things in which I am not proud of. Though the abuse that took place was partially to blame, I am an adult now and I have to learn to take responsibility. Photos on the internet will always be there, things said have already been said and I need to learn to make peace with it and grow as a person or fall into complete depravity. I lack discipline and cared for stupid things. No more worthless friends who don't care, no more wasting time away. This is a vow to myself to learn and grow. Also save up money you dumb bitch and stop spending it on postmates.

No. 552076

I cannot stand hearing men's voices in my house, it just brings me back to having my shitty dad around. You know how when you live in an abusive household and you have to hear everything in order to be prepared? Fucking low ass men voices can be so hard to hear properly and now my fight or flight just pops up whenever a man visits and talks here. Doesn't happen often thank god but this is fucking lame.

No. 552078

I have severe narcolepsy, I sleep 16-18 hours a day uncontrollably. I get hit with severe sleep attacks that force me to sleep, I fall into REM sleep immediately which messes with my sleep even more. I literally do not have a choice but to pass out. I lost my job last year because I kept passing out on my desk and banging my head on the desk due to just suddenly losing consciousness.
I had gotten better for a little while but it's hit me hard again for the past few weeks. I feel guilty, because of my boyfriend.
I love him, and I feel terrible that I'm not able to spend time with him. I can't give him attention at all, and it's hard for me to do much for the small amount of time that we're both up at the same time.
He raged at me tonight, yelled at me, told me I wasn't even trying to get better (Which I have been trying, there's only so much you can do for narcolepsy and I have no way to get treatment due to being poor), told me that he hates being alone all day and essentially blamed me for it.
This was the first time in several months he's gone off on me like that.
He always seems extremely remorseful for it, but I can't even tell him that it hurts me or else he'll lose his shit even more at me.
I'm hurt that he'd blame me for my narcolepsy when there's nothing I can do about it, medical treatment is too expensive and I have no insurance. I think he didn't mean it and he was just stressed, but I don't know.
Starting to think I should disappear into the wilderness and become a missing person off the grid. I think about killing myself, but I kind of want to stay alive. The guilt is overwhelming though.
I don't know what to do. He's asleep and I'm thinking about telling him how I feel tomorrow but I'm scared he'll rage and scream at me again.
I don't really have anyone or anything to turn to besides LC too. If I message a friend to talk about it he'll ask me who I was talking to or what I was talking about, and I refuse to make a secret account behind his back. I don't mind him asking about who or what I'm saying since I have nothing to hide, but it makes me anxious that he might get mad at me if I were to vent to a friend.
I really thought he had improved and then he pulls this 'taking all his anger out on me verbally' shit again. I'm a fucking doormat and keep forgiving him.
I'm done bitching and we have a tendency to work things out but with my sleeping issues I'm scared, angry, anxious and fed up.

No. 552085

>>552078
You have a debilitating disease that literally renders you unconscious for most of the day and you got into a relationship? AND you're jobless and poor?

You sound fucking retarded. Your boyfriend could easily be with someone who doesn't have this rare disorder, who can actually be attentive to them.
Realize your position in life and stop trying to distort reality because you "feel" like you want the normal things that are available to normal people. You're not normal, you're literally unconscious for most of the day.
It sounds like you need a caretaker, not a partner who needs a certain level of accountability from you.

No. 552087

>>552078
Anon… this is really sad to read. It’s not like you’re like, depressed or anxious or something you can cope with or “try to get better” with, you literally have a disability that keeps you from working?? It’s not reasonable at ALL for him to get mad at you for this, it would be mean but it would still be reasonable if maybe he vented to his friends about how hard it was to cope with… but blowing up at you? It’s not your fault at all and he’s completely out of line. How can he get mad at you for not “getting better” if you’re having trouble keeping work because of it, unless he’s offering to pay for your treatments tf???? And if that wasn’t enough red flags, he doesn’t let you talk to your friends??? Please please please get out of this situation when you can, this was absolutely heartbreaking to read and your boyfriend sounds like a piece of shit, you definitely deserve better.

No. 552088

>>552085
Jesus Christ anon, how bitter are you that she’s in an abusive relationship. Chill the fuck out and show empathy, obviously she didn’t choose to be a fucking neet.

No. 552090

It's annoying how I only get praise for my apperance when I'm 110 or smaller. Now I'm 120 and im invisible to people, I thought thick was in….
Guys also hit on my more when I was 110 or smaller.
Hell some times people even imply that I'm fat and I'm 5'6 and 120 is on the lower end of healthy.

No. 552091

>>552078

like the other anons said this is highly abusive. times are very strange right now but please think about leaving this relationship!!(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 552094

Can non-native english speakers (myself included) stop constantly apologising their minor spelling errors?

I know many of us are very insecure about our English because there is the general attitude that you should be 100% fluent. But it’s just useless to see the disclaimer that you are not native speaker. I wouldn’t even notice little errors without you mentioning them.

No. 552095

If I see one more person push their head canon about “x character is trans“ when they’re obviously not im going to lose it. I’ve been seeing this in like 3 fandoms that im part of and it wouldn’t bother me if they weren’t so pushy about it and had to comment it under every picture/video about said character.

No. 552097

>>552078

Anon, I'm sorry. My bf used to get cross at me for venting to friends about him as well.

I don't really know what to say except hang in there.

Do you have friends/family you can escape to for a while until things calm down?

No. 552098

>>552095
This is why I don't have a Twitter but also I'm sick of this for switched races as well. Making a random character a different race in 1 pic wont make it real 'diversity'.

No. 552099

I'm thinking more and more that I should move out from being with my bf. I have debilitating and treatment resistant anxiety and depression. Having him here, knowing there is an audience to all my meltdowns makes it all worse.
It also feels like too much effort to move if it doesn't actually improve my condition.

I've also thought about renting out a room at a hotel. But they only take credit cards now. Bf would find me in no time. Anyway I have opiates coming in the mail, so we'll see how I feel when they get here. I've already put out all my things in order. Maybe I should put my work things in order too, as a nicety to my boss.
Anyway, It'll be nice to have it as an option.

No. 552100

>>552088
It makes even less sense that she's staying in this relationship when it's abusive.
What point is there for either of them? She's asleep for over half the day and he is abusive, how the fuck could this relationship possibly work out?
Stop being delusional and spouting empathy this or that when there's only one solution. She needs to find someone who is more of a caretaker and he needs to find a non-narcoleptic girlfriend.
I have no patience nor empathy for retards who get into situations like these.
You don't need this relationship to survive, it's arguably worsening your condition and health, yet you stay? Why do you want asspats from strangers on the internet who will inevitably prolong your suffering and your shitty relationship, instead of realizing your life is different than that of others and choosing to do things differently?

No. 552102

My only two friends bore me to death. They’re just the same anyways: people incapable of taking control of their lives and being cry babies who just want ass pats. They always judge me and try to make me feel worthless of being respected but they don’t seem to understand that’s the reason why they’re pathetic to me. While they’re trying to sabotage my happiness with their mean girls speech, I’m just living my best life and accomplishing things that they can’t.
Their rage just adds fuel to my willing to keep getting better and better everyday and it’s funny how they think they’re bringing me down when it’s actually the opposite

No. 552103

>>552094
Some of them do that as a form of humble bragging, they go "sorry for my bad english" when there's no mistake so people can validate them (see this a lot in youtube comments).

No. 552106

>>552103
It is humble bragging and its very annoying. They know their English perfect. They also know native English speaking people don't follow any rules and barely speak their own language. It's done in a "haha I know more than you" way because native English speakers will tell them how much better their English is than theirs.

No. 552109

>>552078
Are you on disability? You should at least have NEETbux to fend for yourself? Come on anon, you can find a man with a florence nightingale fetish who will take better care of you mentally and physically

No. 552116

I have no friends. Last time I had friends was elementary school, and even then I was only the second choice. I should kill myself, my bf's mother is a nurse and told me how I could kill myself guaranteed.

No. 552120

>>552106
>native English speaking people don't follow any rules and barely speak their own language.
lol ok, that isn't true at all. but funnily enough you actually need a much better understanding of a language's rules to be able to break them while communicating as much as english speakers do, i.e. you need to be native or near native to do that anyway.

No. 552121

>>552090
No, guys with anorexia fetishes approached you more when you were 5'6 and 110. Now that you're more average you don't attract those creeps. That doesn't make you "invisible." Try dating for men who would appreciate you beyond your body.

No. 552124

>>552121
Agree. When I was underweight (I'm 5'1 and babyfaced to make things worse) I attracted a lot of guys who liked me because I was petite and looked young. Now I'm at a healthy weight around 23 BMI and I still get attention, I just don't attract those creeps anymore. It's better to not get attention at all than to attract those creepy males

No. 552125

>>552121
Second this.

Creeps seek vulnerable women to take advantage of their low self esteem. Looking very malnourished means them that you got issues and they can use them as a weaoon against you.
Decent men want their girlfriends to be healthy and happy.

No. 552128

I'm pissed off because I was doing something those past few months I planned a long time ago and I saved so much money for that opportunity but it got ruined because of the corona pandemic. For once in my life I try to accomplish something for myself and it gets ruined for reasons that are so over the top, it's like god is punishing me for being too ambitious.

No. 552132

>>552090
Many men specifically target girls they think are anorexic because girls with eating disorders are notoriously easy to control in relationships due to their self-worth and body image issues. There are literally articles in the manosphere about this.

No. 552138

File: 1589040482643.jpg (44.84 KB, 500x541, DL_GKq5UEAEopbJ.jpg)

The biggest COVID tragedy has to be my fucking hair. It's getting too long REEEEEEEeee, I can't see shit and I look like a dog. I live alone so considering cutting it myself.

No. 552143

This pandemic has seriously fucked me over. Had to stop working a week before I move up to part time and get a raise, I cant take my driving test and my fucking permit expires in October meaning Ill have to take the fucking written again, and I wont be able to start school like Ive been planning for the past few years because I didn’t have the money and I wasn’t old enough to apply as an independent. Oh and I got a letter from my job yesterday saying Im being layed off so all that work I put in to finally move up and start getting benefits means jack fucking shit now. FUN!!

Now all I do is sit in this cramped house with my loud ass, emotionally draining family 24/7 on the verge of melt down every passing day. Ill be turning 24 this year and Ive done next to nothing with my life, Im just so behind in life I don’t even think its worth it. I feel like as soon as I turn 25 its over for me and I might as well just off myself, itll be easier than growing up as a bitter nobody. Fucking hate the world.

No. 552146

>>552116
Kek why is your mother in law explaining to you how to die?

No. 552149

>>552138
make sure you buy haircutting scissors anon! I trimmed my split ends a few weeks ago and it went fine. I've cut my own hair before, and it was a disaster but the scissors really helped this time. I don't have bangs but my mom trimmed hers with the same scissors, having never done it before and they look fine.

No. 552154

There's only been two times in my life where I've felt legitimately raped that the majority of the planet would just say is my fault.

Once when I was younger and dating apps were relatively new, I invited a guy over who I'd been talking to online because he offered to bring me beer. When he arrived he looked almost nothing like his pics, pretty unhygienic. Back then I used to get my name slandered for rejecting men, and I often had to deal with their aggression or crying episodes from rejections. You could say I felt pressure to not hurt a man's feelings so I entertained his misrepresentation, and thought he could still be alright beyond looks. But no, he was obnoxious and ugly. He kept trying to get me to play "drinking games" but basically they were so calculated that they left no option but to drink. So I didn't because it made me uncomfortable and I felt patronized because it wasn't like I didn't realize he was trying to get me drunk. He got plastered and started to force himself on me and kiss me. I dodged them at first but he became so intoxicated he started to manhandle me into them. At that point I was so anxious about the consequences of rejecting him that I just gave in because I wanted him to just go away. Not long after fucking me with what was thankfully a very small and uninstrusive whiskey penis, he left. I blocked him on the dating site. I believe he was too wasted to remember where I lived cause I never saw him again after that. It took me years in hindsight before I realized how rapey this incident was.

The second time was more about deception. Several years later I was on a dating app again and clicked with a very handsome guy. We talked for hours every day for a few weeks before we met for our first date. He lured me in with some sob story about being recently divorced, and I didn't recognize this lie at the time because I was going through a major life change too. Thought in a way we were two lost souls seeking a connection. Well I met up with him and our date was good, too good you could say. We met first at a cafe, and I thought things went so well that when he asked if I wanted to hang out more I said let's hang out downtown. Again it was great and he was agreeable, lots of physical connection. Because I wasn't used to a date going so well and him being pretty chill, I asked him if he wanted to meet up with my friends and I for dinner which he agreed to again. At that point we had been out together for more than a few hours. He was very cool around my friends and they thought he was cute. It got me thinking I scored a jackpot. Afterwards he offered to invite me over to his house, which I took as a sign that he wanted to fuck. I didn't oppose. He seemed like someone who I wanted, got along with, and who wanted a relationship with me so sex seemed like something I wanted because I felt wanted too. It wasn't like I never had a serious relationship come out of fucking on the first date before so what did I know about it otherwise. His house was pretty messy. He lived with a roommate who I met & he obv didn't say anything to discredit the divorce narrative. He claimed the ex wife up and fled to Europe. Some pictures of him and the wife together were still up and a quarter of her closet remained. Looking back it seemed more like this woman went on a vacation and his scumbag roommate went in on a collaborative story to pretend he was a bachelor so he could get laid while she was gone. She was an extremely gorgeous woman in the pictures and I was hideous and obese in comparison. Well we spent an hour or so watching a tv series until we made our way to the bed. NOT A MINUTE after we're done and cuddling in bed, he looks me straight in the eyes and says in this faux concerned tone while sucking his teeth, "Oooh ya know I actually feel really bad about this. I'm still in love with my ex. Can we be friends?" I was in such shock that I didn't really have a reaction as I got dressed normally. Somehow the shock prevented me from crying or flying into a rage although I deeply regret not doing the latter. We had some talk back and forth about this bullshit. I told him I wasn't going to beg for a relationship and that I didn't need another "friend," he tried to feed me some fake apologies and additionally decided to neg me about how he didn't usually date women "my size." To my credit I laughed and replied "Well apparently you do now!" and he gave me a look. Whatever it was, it was over. I left the house and he locked the door and unmatched me. I remember driving home in tears because I felt so lied to, stolen from, and betrayed. His scheme was so obvious after it was over. It felt like rape because obviously I would have never slept with him if I knew he was just pulling the pig and cheating on his wife, which is why he's a sociopathic liar to women because he's aware of that too.

No. 552155

File: 1589042620431.gif (911.01 KB, 500x280, Kw.gif)

My retarded ass just realized that I might actually be in the "vulnerable" group when it comes to covid due to my breathing issues. I hope I'm wrong and overthinking this, but man, this hit me like a truck this morning. I'm lucky I haven't left the house since all of this started and work from home.

No. 552170

>>552146
that anon probably wasn't literally like "hey bf's mom, i want to kill myself how should i do it lol"
some people love having knowledge that other people don't and feeling superior about it. It's possible that she was too caught up in getting a little ego boost than listening to what she was actually being asked and why. Or maybe she's just a psycho idk.

No. 552175

my one friend got dumped like four years ago and she has based her entire personality around it. every fucking day she complains about her ex, or his new gf, or how terrible the relationship was and how mentally destroyed she is. shes obsessed with hating him and painting herself as a victim. I'm so fucking tired of it and its EXHAUSTING listening to her and trying to validate her and she'll flip the fuck out if anyone does anything but coddle and agree with her. it's been literal years. find a new personality trait and get over it already!!!

No. 552180

>>552175
Sounds like she's traumatized and unable to cope. Can't you just frankly tell her you're unequipped to process her emotions so frequently and that a therapist would be better?

No. 552188

File: 1589049447181.jpg (19.3 KB, 640x1000, 225f33a7d86133967ee25aed5b6403…)

my mom just learned yesterday she has stage four metastatic cancer, i'm an only child and the only person in her life. i don't know how to take care of someone terminally ill, i don't know how to take over her bills or deal with insurance companies or hospitals or power of attorney.

No. 552200

I accidentally came into work an hour early because they changed my schedule and I didn't realize. So now I'm just sitting in the break room for an hour when I could have been at home. Fuck

No. 552202

>>552188
Do you have an aunt or uncle to lean on? I would get started on putting her property into a trust for you so that you dont end up in probate wasting hundreds-thousands on legal work from it not being included. Also decide if you want to be the manager of the trust or youd rather another family do so (just know everything has to be run by them and some family are assholes who want lots of reimbursement money for their troubles) because they could better understand things.

No. 552216

>>552170
>>552146
She was talking about how someone she knew was threatening to kill themselves, and that their method wouldn't do anything, but that "her method" is guaranteed to kill you. She knows that I have tried to kill myself before, and that I am extremely depressed. I hope and think its like you said, that she just didn't realise and just said a bit too much.

But she also thinks I am a horrific sociopath who will ruin her son and obviously disapproves of our relationship, so I don't know.

No. 552220

>>552216
Uh, I think she knew

No. 552255

Friendships with males are interesting. One if my friends was willing to help me get drugs etc. Now hes found girls to fuck he has no interest in helping me with anything lol

No. 552260

I let my dog fuck me when I was 16 during a manic episode of bipolar type I which ended with me in the hospital. I was completely unhinged and did much "worse" than that like hanging myself and drinking bleach, getting hospitalized for it, anyway… The dog was a one time thing. I still have the dog and he's one of the few things I have, I like him too much. I've been medicated for the past years and my life is okay, all I do now is study, sleep and watch TV. But my LDR relationship is falling apart because he said he doesn't want to interact with the dog ever. Every time he visited, he never cared to meet the dog. He says he feels disgusted thinking about interacting with him. We plan on moving in together and I need to take the dog with me because my mother is afraid of him (he's huge) so she can't take care of him on her own. I don't know what to do, I can't tell this to anybody I know… Maybe my doctor… I certainly won't get rid of my dog
Call me disgusting if you want. I think it's disgusting too and I hate myself every day for having done that. It's like I was somebody else during those days. I don't want to justify myself but I have been abused in my childhood as well and had to perform some acts on animals so I think that's why I acted out on it, idk I ended up wounded from the act and it wasn't enjoyable at all. I don't think doing this to animals is okay
I just hate how something from my past and when I was mentally unwell is ruining things in my life now.

No. 552269

>>552260
your bf hates the dog because he knows what you did with it? no judgement i'm quite severely mentally ill too, but seriously you need to just take shit like this to your grave if it is the case that you told him. there is no reason to tell him if it's not going on anymore and it's the sort of thing that casts a shadow on you as a person on a whole and he'll never forget. i know he's just a bf but even with a life partner you really don't have to tell them everything. Think about what would happen if he told this to people.

No. 552271

>>552260
that's kinda hot

No. 552277

>>552269
Yeah. If anything I wish he was repulsed about me, not the dog, because it's not the dog's fault. I told him in person some time ago (so he can't prove it even if he tells other people, there's no chat log or anything…). He's the only person besides my mom, myself and my old doctor who knows. Mom and doctor only know because as I said I ended up in the hospital at that time
I learned my lesson here. I felt the need to share this and I regret it so much. Considering I was 16 at the time as well I didn't think he'd feel this way because it's been so long ago. I expected he'd be disgusted but not that he'd feel this way about interacting with the dog

No. 552292

>>552277
This may be besides the point, but what were your motivations for letting your dog do that to you? Did you plan it or was it a spontaneous act? Did you enjoy it, and if you did, was the “sex” itself enjoyable or did you enjoy the degradation you experienced?

No. 552320

>>552292
>>552271

Stop, freaks.

No. 552322

File: 1589071639577.jpg (89.43 KB, 728x600, 1588846644165.jpg)


No. 552341

File: 1589076219400.png (317.54 KB, 635x415, download.png)

Getting real tired of media making excuses for men murdering their families. There's really no excuse for this-especially the shitty one they give here. Not sure if this is just a UK thing but it happens a lot here.

No. 552345

…so, anyway.

Just got back from hanging out with the neighbors again. Apparently it's the running joke that I'm some kind of antisocial freak? Whatever, I own it when I'm there and go with the joke lest I make it awkward. And yet it's crazy how they think I'm such an introvert. Apparently I, anon, would stay in my room 23 hours a day if they let me. Alluding to the fact that most times I don't go out to the bars with them cause I don't really feel like that scene sometimes and I'd prefer to go with friendd. These people get into bar drama fyi. I mean just an example of such a jab to imply I stay in too much. I chuckled and replied that I love being in my room and it's the only safe place against the likes of them freaks. We all laughed. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. But actually.
Then they gave me the side eye because I took a break from the second round of yahtzee to answer texts on my phone on the couch and to also give my ass a break from their uncomfortable ass chairs. Their dog sat on my lap which made it extra cozy and gave me a reason to stay. When I came back for round three they acted strange to me like I had been rude or a freak to have done that. It was gotten over quickly but…? I had no idea what I did was so faux pas. I had been polite in not looking at my phone during our first round of yahtzee.
I dunno, I never considered myself an introvert. I'm not the most extroverted person but I can be around friends I'm comfortable with and, oh right, when I'm actually doing something fun and not awkwardly playing yahtzee with the neighbors cause they're bored extroverts who can't sit still and need to party every weekend?
I do leave for work, groceries, and the basic things that loosening covid restriction allows at such times btw. So yeah, sometimes I wonder if I'm the weird one or if it's other people. I didn't think I was being weird.

No. 552363

i spend 10 hours a say online and am so perilously close to failing my college courses is it laziness? anxiety? idk but i've turned off my brain. it's like i'm in high school again my parents nagging me to do my work but i still don't and make myself feel like shit god i truly am an idiot

i can still pull this semester off but i have a good chance of failing and losing some of my scholarship money yay. i love that i refuse to give myself the opportunity to do well every single time and instead go to la la land and read fucking garbage and do the "bare minimum" for my future except i know that's not enough and I'm severely fucking myself over.

No. 552364

I've finally come to terms that I am ugly and the reason why I am a loner is because of how ugly I am and my shit personality. At this point, I have given up on living and I have two options: never leave my home or ctb.
I feel bad that it has come to this but I am getting tired of stay at home all the time with no money, no communication with anyone, no happiness, etc.
I have no hobbies and no motivation in life. I know I should be happy that I don't need to pay for college because of my scholarships but because of that I actually want to die even more. I don't get why I am so unhappy when there are people struggling. I hate studying, I hate living. I have no passion for anything and I've been like this for the past 8 years and it has gotten worse over the years. The only time I am actually sort of happy is when I self harm. I know I'm pathetic and you can call me attention seeking because I basically am attention seeking but at least its anonymous. I'm bored with life and I can't take it anymore.

No. 552365

>>552363
Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm struggling with doing the bare minimum but right now if you're a student you're basically told to shove down your anxieties and get it done. Why wouldn't you want to do anything else?

No. 552366

>>552364
If you can get cbt its a really good idea to.

No. 552367

>>552364
There are plenty of uggos and bitches who are happy with friends, that's not the problem. You sound like you should focus more on your mental health than anything else, especially your appearance.

No. 552369

>>552366
I'm trying to but right now because of the pandemic everything is being processed so slowly and because I'm not a risk to myself or others then I don't need immediate help. I can't even reach any clinic but its something that I've wanted to do because at least I'll talk to someone even if that person is being paid to talk to me.

>>552367
The problem is that I'm ugly and a bitch. Also, I have no personality so even I'm not even one of those bitchy people who are at least entertaining to be around. I actually don't like anything, and it's hard to have conversations with people when you have no interest in anything other than self harm. But yeah I'm trying to get mental help but this pandemic is making it hard, and I'm also on a diet that seems to be working.

No. 552370

the bass from my next door neighbor's garage is about to send me into a panic attack. It's 1 AM and I can hear it in my skull.

No. 552375

>>552369
Things are never permanent, you can always change and become a healthier and more likeable person. I think you're wrong about it being a personality/appearance problem still, plenty of ugly bitches have friends. it's probably more that you give off mentally unwell vibes or say things that make people uncomfortable, like you said it's difficult to make conversation for you.

No. 552377

>>552375
I feel like thats something that I can never change about myself. I'll always be giving off vibes that I am mentally unstable and that drives off a lot of people. Even if I go to therapy, I don't think that would just go away.

No. 552379

>>552377
That's dumb. Unless you look like chris chan, there's nothing innate about you that broadcasts that you're mentally ill to everyone in your immediate radius that you're stuck with forever. work on your mental health, social skills, and don't dress like a weirdo and you'll be good

No. 552383

I feel horrible that I can't seem to like my sister in law who is six years older than me… I believe it is okay to not be friends with anyone, but i feel like a monster because her family treats her as a fraigle flower.

She is nothing but an insecure overweight midaged woman who gotten her job only now, and still acts as if she is a 17yo teenager. Also addicted to videogames, can't stand not being the center of attention and depends on people because of said thing. Did many rude things whenever I would come over, yet s/o ALWAYS finds a fucking excuse which is ridiclious, as if they r the bestiest uwu frens when they never spend any time together. She would always be overdramatic and make things about herself, would always pretend to be supasad with her bad acting skills, and still pretends as if mine n her brothers marriage doesn't exist. She started being a hysterical idiot when I was talking about our anniversary. Its so crazy because during first two days of meeting eachother she was…okay. even though she would always start saying how perfect i am while degrading herself to make me feel awkward. I love his mom n grandma n they adore me, but I can't stand visiting them anymore because of her. She has a therapist but she can't be arsed to get her shit together and start thinking critically.

No. 552396

I have taken 24hr stores for granted and I can't handle it anymore. Now I don't know how to cope during mania when my brain is dead set on picking up hand embroidery at 2am. Fuck.

No. 552408

Every time I see anons shitting on girls that are 25+ about how embarrassing it is that someone aged 30 could still be dolling themselves up or cosplaying or whatever I can just hear their underageness pushing through. You're only forcing the narrative that a woman after 25 is spoiled milk and should graduate from virginal maidenhood to produce babies and to become a boring soccer mom, not having hobbies or dressing up. This will come to bite you in the ass later. You might think "it's not going to happen to me, I'm automatically gonna turn into a normie Karen when I hit 30" but gonna tell you right now - you're not. You're going to be panicking like crazy when your 30th birthday creeps up and you magically didn't stop enjoying alt fashion or weebshit or whatever you were into in your 20s, and a new generation of catty 19-year olds will be laughing at granny wearing falsies while you spend the rest of your life sobbing after your youth that existed only for like 4 years because of people like you perpetuating the ideal of a woman peaking at 17.

No. 552412

>>552408
totally agree anon. And it sucks that it only happens in female spaces ad that females do it to each-other.
Like you dont see 19 year old men bullying 30 year men for being gamers.
Only women do this shit.

No. 552413

File: 1589108258806.jpg (12.02 KB, 235x174, fineziz.jpg)

>>552408
Hey, anon… Is there any resources or way to get rid of this sort of thinking ?

I am not shaming people who likes alt-fashion, and ESPECIALLY cosplay at any age, because that's plain dumb. ( I am guilty for shaming ddlg-cows though, or people who are pretending to be 'softies, uwu-im-baby'ies while being twitter/tumblr toxic-chans. ) I am myself enjoying dolly fashion but I've been raised in a country where the jokes on TV shows are nothing but about domestic abuse, cheating, and about women aging. They also put this kind of crap in your brain ever since you are a kid, and it bothers my mind now since I am about to hit 20s.

No. 552414

>>552413
shaming any people into ddlg is fine in fact they are usually ones shaming the older women. if you mean how do you stop having existential dread, that is a skill that cannot be taught but you can gain it eventually.

No. 552415

>>552413
Meet more older women and you'll realize that life doesn't end at 30 and you won't turn into a wrinkly old hag at 35. Seconding >>552414 though, it's something that just comes with age.

No. 552416

I'm so tired of my city and all the aggressive, unhinged, unstable people in it. They come up with so many new ways to bait people into a fight. Sometimes all you have to do is look at them. Imagine if the government actually cared about any of us. Maybe then I wouldn't have to live in the alcohol and drug zombie apocalypse. Fuck a coronavirus.

No. 552417

I have realized I got a huge problem with intentionally seeking out things online that will trigger me. I got molested by a muslim priest of sorts (a maulana) as a kid for some years and then was groomed later online. Anyways, so somethings related to that absolutely wrecks my brain for a few days everytime I come across them yet I still read about stuff like that deliberately and make myself suffer. My weight suffers from this too, because I can't eat during those episodes.
Am I just retarded? Can I stop myself from doing this on a weekly basis?

No. 552418

>>552408
Hard agree. Imagine killing all your interests and trying to turn into a boomer stereotype just because you've stopped being in your late teens or early 20s. Stupid-ass shit.

No. 552425

My drinking problem is starting to really show in my face, yet I still can't stop. Wine makes me hate myself less and feel hopeful about the future. It's like this magical elixir that makes me go from depressed and hopeless to feeling like I can do anything and the world is sunshine and rainbows. But now I'm 60lbs fatter than I was 3 1/2 years ago, I look like I've aged 10 years since just a month ago, and I'm doing way worse in school than I should be. I just want to have discipline and self-control and be able to be a functional human being JFC.

No. 552428

i hate myself for what i've done to myself! im full of self harm it's on my hands and face, i have a face tat i did myself when i was suicidal, i look terrible, you can see where i tried to cut my neck, i'm useless! i wish i could get a job but none of my friends can find one and i've been applying since i was 17. im useless! i feel like i sound mentally ill but everyone in my life treats me like i'm normal. i'm so frustrated with life right now.

No. 552429

My boyfriend keeps complaining about being in physical pain and I’m not even sure he has anything wrong with him. It’s pissing me off, because we’ll be having a conversation about something light hearted and then he’ll come in and talk about this fucking illness totally ruining the whole conversation. I’ve listened to him and tried to support him the best I can over the years but I’m getting real tired of it.

No. 552436

>>552412
tbf many people in the "red pill"/true male communities do shame men for liking that's for "boys". many gamers turn to these alpha male mentors who tell them they're turning women off cuz they like to play video games and don't practice violent sports or some shit.

No. 552438

>>552429
What's the illness?

No. 552439

>>552417
it's a form of self harm. maybe you don't believe you deserve to exist away from predators and abuse. i know that's a common occurrence anyway. maybe you can find info on that online?

No. 552441

>>552429
knew a girl like this, but it was literally a ghost illness that came from intense stress/anxiety.
we were all very understanding and supportive at first; she had intense stomach pain, which is horrible for many reasons. but slowly it ended up being the center of all conversations, and because she was so focused on her own pain, she would barely listen to us trying to relate to her own experiences with illness, pain, depression and anxiety. we just couldn't take it anymore and everyone feels like they're tired of her as a friend.

No. 552442

>>552438
I cannot for the life of me remember the name, but the symptoms are basically like chronic pain and tiredness but he’s never missed a thing in his life, we attend a lot of events together. He thinks he’s got a million conditions and even thought he had autism because he liked things that weren’t considered mainstream. I’m just tired of having to go along with all his bullshit.

No. 552445

>>552441
I think that’s a better way of wording it rather than my first post, it’s just been seeping more and more into our conversations. I do love him and have supported him the best I can. But I can only do so much for him, at some point he has to face the facts that he can either give in to this illness or try and make the most of his life with it. I have no issues listened to his troubles that’s what I’m here for but when it’s all the time, it just gets on my nerves. I’m probably just really feeling it atm just because of the pandemic.

No. 552454

>>552439
Do you know what I should search up to find more info on it? And to possibly lessen it?
I'm ESL so it's a little hard, sorry.

No. 552483

>>552341
I went drinking with this guy a few years ago in Chichester and he seemed normal and actually quite intelligent and thoughtful. He did take cocaine though.

No. 552490

>>552255
yea it's always hard to know whether they're sincere or not

No. 552494

>>552341
How is this an excuse when the UK has an ok benefits system, hell lots of people spend their whole life living on them benefits and they manage, single mothers manage. He could've just taken himself out.

No. 552513

I have to get a new screen on my phone, my dad was insistent on me getting it done TODAY instead of any other day that would've worked for me better, so he took it by himself and I figured, ah what the hell, I'll just turn it off and let him drop it off. No less than 20 minutes later does he call on the home phone asking for my passcode, I had no clue they'd have to get into my phone in order to test if the screen works? So now they'll see all my gay tinder notifications and I can't wait to get yelled at for using tinder/outed to my parents if they notice its girls names in the notifs. HeHe.

No. 552530

>>552454
late reply, hope you're still checking this thread.
i looked up "triggering yourself" and a few results came up.

No. 552534

i'm mostly thinking about this because i wanna ignore my finals but…
my birthday is coming up in a little less than 2 months and lockdown is being lifted tomorrow. my region as well as all the regions next to mine were deemed "safe", so lockdown is being lifted slowly-ish.
however there's news in europe and my own country about people getting infected a couple of days ago by attending a funeral and going back to work.
i'm worried lockdown is being lifted irresponsibly for economic purposes and i'll have to spend my birthday in lockdown.
i'm mostly apprehensive of everything else but spending my birthday, in summer, relatively close to the sea, stuck inside because capitalism can't stop for a single minute and my fellow citizens can't follow directions… that's just the shit icing on the shit cake.
at least the weather is going to be shit, let's hope that'll keep people inside…

No. 552539

>>552530
Thanks so much, anon! That's a good start, I hope as I look more into it I can find good info and understand it better.
I really appreciate your help.

No. 552543

>>552534
Millions of people spent their bdays inside, you'll manage.

No. 552555

>>552494
Because he wanted to die he didnt want his family to live without him-incredibly selfish. Apparently the two children that were killed were 2 + 4 years old. Those poor kids the crime scene must have been horrific.

No. 552582

My mom is kicking me out of the house because she is pissed that I am too anti social. I have no friends, nobody in my life who can give me a place to stay. I don't know where to go. I have some savings but I would now have to find a full time job, which can't happen now because corona virus is fucking every thing up. I don't know what to do. I am so tempted to just murder her so I can stay in prison for free tbh. I have nothing to lose, nobody loves me and I hate people so fucking much.

No. 552587

>>552534
Hi fellow french-anon. I'm sorry,I have nothing to say, I'm just happy to see other french anons here. Maybe we should revive the french thread.
I agree that it sucks that places like beach are still closed even for walks, I'm nowhere near the sea but here parks are going to stay closed which is dumb because people are just going to aggregate in other open places. I just want to take a walk in the park godammit. Take care!

No. 552588

>>552582
Based mom-chan. Have sex and get a life, nerd.

No. 552589

>>552582
bitch don't murder her, try to talk with her instead, no even remotely decent parent would kick their kid out in the midst of a pandemic. you sure you haven't done other shit than being antisocial

No. 552590

>>552582
kill her. it's the only way.

No. 552601

i hate living at home with my parents and being forced to be back for rona. they're not terrible people but i just don't like being around them for so damn long. growing up and feeling so anxious around them, whether it was real or in my head it doesn't matter. a lot of other adults obviously feel similarly, but i have so much guilt since my mom is so anxious. my older sister stayed on campus during one summer on college and my mom was so sad and now i feel like if i try to bring it up she's going to freak out. like i purposefully never try anything or do anything at home because i don't want my parents to judge or notice me, but that means they don't think i'm capable of it which is a whole other mindfuck of stupidity on my part.

you know what, it literally only occurred to me to talk to my sister now about that because i don't like to talk to her either. jfc. i'm either overly self-deprecating or ignoring all my problems, it's a very good way to live.

No. 552602

>>552582
i don't have advice but what kind of monster do you have to be to kick your kid out during a fucking pandemic. like i get doing so in normal times but what the fuck?

No. 552617

Someone at my work from second shift is coughing up a storm and they have their face mask hanging around their neck instead of covering their face. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. Took my break early.

No. 552670

Saw a trans person say "gate keeping lesbianism is weird" I'm not even trying to start tranny discourse but omg

No. 552674

File: 1589173679903.jpg (465.93 KB, 1413x2071, pot2.jpg)

UNREQUITED LOVE SUCKS ASS!!!
FUCK THIS SHIT.
WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS? FUUUuuuuCK.

No. 552676

>>552670
I see a lot of that crap on twitter which is why i'm taking a break from it.

No. 552678

First appointment with new psych this afternoon. I have no idea which issue to start with when there are like 30. We'll probably start with my long ass history anyway and it'll take the whole hour.
I't'll feel like failure all over again to dig up all that.
Silver lining, maybe tonight is the night I'm crushed enough to do it.
Either way, nobody can say I'm not trying.

No. 552698

>>552543
yeah, i know that i'll ultimately be ok with whatever situation since this crisis is so not about me or trivial shit like birthdays.

No. 552700

>>552587
first day of déconfinement check: i'm drowning in homework and parks are closed because of the weather. how shall i ever resist going outside?!
take care

No. 552703

I went to a friends house and got really, really, incredibly drunk. She's an old friend and we're really close but we both love alcohol a little too much and we can egg each other on sometimes. I went back to my new boyfriend's house afterwards and I was completely black out drunk, don't remember a thing. He said all I did was lay on his bed and ramble to him for an hour before I passed out. Nothing went wrong, he said it was cute and all, but some of the things he repeated to me just made me cringe so fucking badly. I really hate it. It's time for me to reconsider my drinking in a serious way. Just feel like such a fucking idiot and I can't stop thinking about it. Really want to text him today but we have sort of established a very text-free relationship, which really benefits me when I'm busy and living etc. but makes me insane when I'm having a lazy day at home to just turn this shit over again and again.

No. 552742

>>552587
>>552700
How are you French anons doing so far? I hope you're ok, I'm abroad in Japan right now because I have a working holiday visa and corona-chan indirectly fucked up all of my plans, especially when it comes to job hunting, so I'll have to come back way sooner than planned. I'm worried about getting the virus while in the plane or at the airport but I somehow managed to get sick twice in less than three months and I'm still alive so far. I can't even imagine how job hunting is going to be even worse than it was before I left France, hopefully you won't have the same problem.

I've been following the news about France from here and while I do feel pretty bad for small business owners I think the déconfinement is too early, French people are peak contrarians so they don't follow advice or instructions, whether they're good or bad.

No. 552754

Sent my narcissistic mother an expensive bouquet of flowers for mother's day, and she called me to tell me how disappointed she was because she found it very small…

At first I felt guilty but now I'm just tired of her bullshit

No. 552759

>>552754
Sorry you're going through that anon, not all mothers are moms and some of them really don't deserve their children.

No. 552790

>Order something
>Oh god I hope it's not x delivery service
>It's x delivery service
>Well can't be too bad, I won't miss it
>Hi! We "missed" you, come pick up your package 1.5 hrs away
>lolno
>Message them, girl on chat was extremely pleasant, was willing to have it delivered to another location that's closer by
>cool.jpg
>They somehow decided to attempt to have it delivered on Sunday where every store in the goddamn province is closed because Covid-19
>It fails
>It's currently sitting @ the 1.5 hrs location and they are ONCE more asking me to go there when I told them I can't.
Please, please I rather just travel to the province itself and buy the item than actually deal with their asses one more time.

No. 552800

>>552790
I hate that shit. I live in a rural area and don't drive so whenever I miss a courier delivery it's like bu-bye order

No. 552811

Every time I go out on my bike I always feel a pang of anxiety and dread because all it takes is some jumped up prick in a Mazda to end my life because he's late to work. I was knocked off of my bike a few months ago because of an idiot driver and since then I can't help feeling that it's only a matter of time before something serious happens. I commute by cycling so it's not really an option for me.

Whenever I talk to coworkers/family/friends that I cycle they act like it's a personal insult unto them and their family name because they can't be bothered to share the road with cyclists and have an ounce of spatial awareness. It's just depressing encountering retards in my day-to-day life who really have no business tying their shoelaces let alone be behind the wheel of a car.

No. 552812

File: 1589207664359.jpg (67.95 KB, 1280x720, fuck.jpg)

Sick of this shit. there's this retarded chick who is obsessed with me and tries desperately to fuck every guy I know, even though she has a boyfriend. It ranges from groping an underage guy without his consent to asking them details about their dongs.

She showed her breast to my own boyfriend while I was at the stall and he screamed in horror. She keeps talking about how much she loves anal. She mocked a 12 yo rape victim for being a "slut" in front of her face, knowing she is very unstable and got in ward for suicide attempts.

I met a guy who said she tried to strangle him with a chain once. He showed me his scars. I'm scared as fuck of her ass, but since she is """disabled uwu""" and """depressed""" nobody holds her accountable for anything and she always gets away with her bs. She keeps trying to be my friend but whenever I reject her, she tries to ""seduce"" one of my male friends in front of me but fails miserably since she looks ugly as hell and talks like an autist.

I'm not putting up with her shit anymore, I've seen worse people after me, I just want to protect my friends.

No. 552813

>>552812
Jesus christ anon, that sounds awful af. What situation are you in where your friends/yourself can't just stop talking to her and move on?

No. 552814

I want to die I hate living I hate being poor. If I have to hear another bitch baby on the internet complain about life being so hard that they can't go outside for three months need to stfu. This has been my daily life since kindergarten, cause we were so fucking poor we couldn't even afford gasoline, and my area was so ghetto that going outside wasn't an option. Burn the rich.

No. 552828

>>552813

A shelter for teen and young adults with parental issues. Quarantine is ending where I live, so I'll have to go back there starting tomorrow. It's a huge help for me, I just wish she weren't there.

No. 552830

>>552812
She is making unwanted sexual assaults and advances?? cant you get her fired or arrested? holyshit, that's crazy. Sorry you have to deal with that

No. 552849

>>552742
i live in the urban area of one of the major cities, in a student area (i'm a student). i was never asked to show my attestation during any point of the confinement and neither have my boyfriend or friends; kinda crazy, right?
you seem healthy you'd probably be fine even if you show symptoms. travelling right now is scary but not a death sentence either!
i've been looking for a summer job online and it's very scarce, especially since resorts and stuff are closed.
with all those clusters popping up, i'm anticipating a second wave…i hope the govt and local politicians take things slow. french people are like hyperactive dogs you let off their leashes; they immediately do the thing they were forbidden to do just because the interdiction is lifted, not because it's safe to do. god.

No. 552863

>>552812
Are you underage?

No. 552870

fuck everyone who told non asians to go to asian food stores. non asian shoppers aren't buying groceries there, they are just hoarding the same essentials. those stores would be operating normally if not for the misunderstanding that people weren't shopping there at all due to asian families doing quarantine shopping 2 to 3 weeks before my country was officially under lock. i'm sick of going to the store and hearing racist karens squawk about durian just because dumbass people didn't realize we stocked up early cause many of us were hearing about the virus already.

No. 552873

>>552870
You know damn well people are going to instigate your comment resulting in another race fight.

No. 552886

>>552863
I'm 19. Girl I was talking about is the same age. That's why I mentioned the boy she gropped was underage, as in 14 years old.

No. 552890

I wish I could feel more involved in sex. It always feels like something being done to me instead of something I am actively a part of. Maybe that is related to being abused as a kid idk. I like sex with my boyfriend but it's more that I like knowing he feels good and happy. I really enjoy the closeness too. I masturbate but it's usually only a physical itch that I can take care of in a couple minutes. Maybe I don't have a sex drive? I enjoy feeling wanted and the intimacy that comes along with sex but that's about where it ends. I feel like I should want more and I'm missing out on something.

No. 552894

>>552890
Have you tried being in control? Get on him and ride him, one thing I like to do is tease my bf and control his dick with my hands and rub it on my clit. Another thing, esp. with riding him is you can bring him close to climax and stop/get off. A trick I learned also was if he is close to climaxing i can gently pinch the head of the penis and it stops him from cumming.

t.someone who went through the exact same thing.

No. 552901

I'm low key salty and bitter because I'm 29 and I have never been in a relationship with someone I think is cute. They're all ugly and average assholes. None of them were even nice or interesting.

I just wish I was some cute blonde 19 year old so I can actually date men who are sweet and dont look like dog shit.

I know at my age I should care more about career and personality but god damn I just want a bf who is sweet and looks like a young leonardo DiCaprio ONCE. I dont even care if we dont last a year, i would be satisfied with knowing i got a chance.

No. 552912

>>552901
And I'd like to continue my rant with how it pisses me off that ugly men have a chance at getting cute girls but cute guys almost never date down. I'm bitter because shit ain't fair.

No. 552914

>>552873
bitch fuck that. i'm not going to censor myself just because dumbasses can't stfu. i wouldn't post anything on the site if i considered that.

No. 552917

>>552890
>Maybe that is related to being abused as a kid idk

It's definitely this. Difficulty with intimacy can arise from literally any type of prolonged abuse in childhood. People tend to believe it's only sexual abuse, but that isn't the case. Intimacy constitutes so much more than just sex.

I wish I could say there was a quick fix to this, but unfortunately, that isn't the case. I've had the same issue in every relationship I've ever been in, and it doesn't seem to matter how I'm being treated by the other party. My sex drive is always very high in the beginning, then slowly tapers off the closer I get to my partner. I start to feel trapped and scared, because that's how I felt with my earliest attachment figures. I've definitely gotten better with this over the years, but my sex drive still waxes and wanes, and isn't very high in general.

Basically, if you don't develop a secure attachment with at least one of your parents, you end up struggling a lot with intimacy and trust in your adult relationships. This is particularly amplified if your partners also have attachment trauma.

No. 552925

my ex and i were on and off for 4 years. id break up with him each time because he was a shitty boyfriend who acted like he didn’t care about me, made fun of me for my personality and my interests, didn’t care to see me or hang out with me, i was always the one putting in effort. after some months he would always come crawling back, worm his way in, same pattern rinse and repeat. up and ghosted him a month and a half ago. found someone new. so why the fuck does he still check my blog everyday? i see that he’s viewed it. every single day the moment he wakes up. i don’t get it. why act like you barely even loved me when we were together but still care enough to check my blog every damn day? i hate you. i just wish you were wiped off the planet so i can stop thinking about you and hurting and wondering why you keep checking in on me.

No. 552931

I know this is stupid and that I shouldn't let other people's life decisions affect me, but it blows my mind that people are willing to put up with the side effects of birth control and antidepressants. Almost everyone I know is on one or both, and the issues they have are literally constant. There's no escape from it. It's absolute fucking madness to me and makes me so uncomfortable that people are willing to put their bodies through this, especially with antidepressants, which have a low effectiveness rate in general. You're basically just trading in one problem for a whole host of new problems, and the initial problem is never actually resolved all that much to begin with.

Birth control I understand a bit more. Condoms aren't as effective by themselves, and I know I'm taking a bit of a risk by using only these and not some other form of bc. Even so, the side effects and complications of bc sound so much more dangerous that I'm willing to take that risk.

I've tried both, and even on the lowest dosages, I was having horrible side effects. I tried prozac, effexor, celexa and cymbalta. Completely lost my sex drive and it never came back while on the drugs. Could not orgasm at all. Some idiotic quack thought it was a good idea to put me on prozac at age eight. I literally did not have any semblance of a sex drive until I was 16, a few months after I came off it.

With the pill, I tried three different forms and every single one of them turned me into a raving lunatic. I got yeast infections constantly, gained 10+ lbs, had intense cravings for bread and cheese, also lost my sex drive, etc. I literally felt like I was pregnant.

Like, if you use these and don't have side effects, that's awesome and it makes sense that you'd keep using them, but that seems to be the case only for a small minority of people.

I don't like having depression or anxiety, yet it feels more natural for me to just be miserable sometimes than to take pills. Maybe it helps that I view my issues as more environmental and based in trauma, idk.

No. 552932

>>552925
it might help if you blocked him?

No. 552936

>>552676
What kind of people do you follow to see this kind of shit? I mosty follow artists uninterested in drama and I never see any of this crap.

No. 552940

>>552912
I hate how men who find out they're cute will let that ego go to their heads so they should be dating like 5 women out of their league at once. I'm glad I don't like dick so I can avoid men pretty much entirely.
>>552931
I tried bc on the absolute lowest dosage almost a year ago and I feel like my libido is still shot from it. I just wanted to see if it would clear my acne but it gave me the worst 3 months of acne I'd had my whole life on top of feeling like I was a pissed off psycho all the time. My other emotions felt completely gone outside of being pissed and I gave up on it. I also just bled every single day instead of a normal week in a month. Never touching bc again since it didn't cure what I wanted and I want to be with women anyway.

No. 552947

>>552940
I know a guy with a cute face and a big dick but he thinks hes ugly. I should have never told him hes cute and let him continue thinking hes ugly. When ever he complains about his looks I should just make no comments.

No. 552966

>>552931
i want to use a contraceptive so my sex life with my boyfriend can be more "free" but god i don't think i'll go on the pill. my libido is pretty low so i really don't see the point in risking weight gain, acne, mood swings or even worse just so my bf doesn't have to use a rubber. he's far from pressuring me btw, i'm just thinking about how annoying all this bs is.

No. 552977

I am so fucking tired of everything
got diagnosed with depression+OCD
and lately been feeling like complete and utter shit

the man I was/am seeing kind of doesn't give a shit about me anymore, I say how much of a hard time i am having some days and he just brush it off or say some empty shit about hope you feel better in a not caring manner

He's the first person i EVER had anything romantic going and now i regret even this, It would be better not have started this shit, at least I wouldn't feel so fucking worthless on his hand i fucking hate this I like him so much

just let me fucking go because I like you too much to end this

No. 552982

File: 1589235755610.jpg (189.34 KB, 1280x720, 1557529137971.jpg)

Currently feel internet homeless and it sucks because I can't hang out with anyone irl right now and have relied too much on online communication for far too long.
>remaining old irc haunts are full of drug-addicted losers who never grew up, every year someone ODs, kys themselves, or gets arrested
>usenet is dead
>something awful is dead
>troll culture is dead
>twitter is full of try-hards, no meaningful convos in sight
>favorite reddit subs have become overtaken by edgy literal children or smug progressives
>grew out of online activities well over a decade ago
>imageboards are anonymous, discussion is usually repetitive and shallow, can't make connections
>gossip sites outside of lolcow are shit and full of nutters
>special interest forums are slow-moving and full of boomers
>most active online communities in general are full of pseuds or mouth-breathers who communicate in memes
>most active online communities in general are constantly derailed by bottom-barrel political shitflinging

Where do people go to escape this torture?

No. 552984

>>552982
What the fuck is that pic and why didn't you spoiler that

No. 552986

>>552984

grow a spine

No. 552992

>>552986
NTA but it's fucking gross and unnecessary, wtf is wrong with you? A lack of spine isn't the reason someone doesn't want to see piss

No. 552993

Men are so unappealing to look at. I see so many women who are 25+ who look gorgeous or fuckable but with men it's hard to find a guy who let's decent at 30, let alone 40.

Maybe I'm just a lesbian. I wish society wasnt so homophobic back in the day, maybe I wouldve just started being with women instead if chasing after the prettiest boys I can find.

No. 553003

I just gave myself a massive headache, arguing with my libfem friends why makeup and nudity is not ~empowering~, and they're just so deliberately obtuse. Their arguments were filled with basic ass fallacies to make it seem like i'm restricting women's "choices". I just stopped cause it was going nowhere.
As a straight young woman i feel like there truly is no hope for women's rights at this point.
I wonder what made me get out of liberal feminism so quickly and others not…? Maybe it's cause they come from privileged backgrounds and didn't have to deal with shitty, abusive male figures in their lives? Or is it the comfort of not having to actually unlearn things, face uncomfortable truths, or is it the fear of not belonging? idk…I'm just sad and tired. I wish i had like minded friends. Don't get me wrong, i like them, but feminism is such a big part of my life that i can't just be comfortable being around people who i think are actively undermining women's rights…

No. 553004

>>552984
I didn't think pee is that big of a deal, sry anon

No. 553005

I don't know how to deal with my sister anymore. Everything I say that doesn't fall in line with her personal values offends her and she'll lash out at me for it. She blames everyone around her when things don't go her way and refuses to take any personal accountability. I basically can't can't share any of my achievements without her whining that I'm just lucky, or that I've "always had it easy," or that she "wishes she could do that," but can't because she's "too socially awkward/too depressed/too poor/too lonely, etc." It's fucking exhausting. I try to give her a break because we've both had a shitty upbringing and suffer from trauma because of it, but even at my lowest point I was able to still have sympathy for others and was able to see beyond my own misery. Ffs, I once spent hours talking someone out of suicide when I was actively suicidal myself. She is incredibly self-absorbed and won't lift a finger for anyone, yet expects everyone else in the family to take care of her and rush to her aid whenever she's in a crisis. I'm over it.

No. 553012

>>553003
tbh anon, you sound like someone who is too caught up in your own personal value system and what you believe constitutes "proper" feminism, that you are unable to accept that others don't feel the same way. the irony here is that your friends probably feel makeup and nudity is empowering for completely different reasons from what you are trying to argue make them disempowering, so your argument is essentially falling on deaf ears.

that being said, you're completely justified in wishing you had more like-minded friends. it sounds like the people you're hanging out with have very different values from you.

No. 553017

>>553005
Have you tried to offer some words of encouragement? Ofc I don't know her but it should work.

No. 553020

>>553017
Yes. It doesn't seem to work most of the time. She's always got some excuse as to why everything is terrible and is never going to get any better.

No. 553029

>>553003
Some people like liberal feminism because it teaches women to not take responsiblity for themselves and that being a slut or a whore has no consequences, despite reality proving otherwise, especially for minors and poorer women. Almost all prominent lib fems are middle class and privileged who have never had a problem in their life and have their parents to shield them from the evils of the world. They lack the inablity to emphasise with other women and can't see beyond their own experiences. It's no use.

No. 553038

i used to be an uwu fakeboi. i still feel guilty/embarrassed about everything i did, but im atleast happy i grew out of it. seeing 20 year old "non-dysphoric he/him enbies" makes me kinda sad.

No. 553044

>>553029

What is your concrete definition of a slut/whore? Is it based on how they dress? How many people they sleep with? The choices they make? Genuinely curious.

No. 553045

>>553003
I think libfeminism is like a teenager. She doesn’t want to be told what to do or what not to do. She spent a long time being interested and conflicted about sex and beauty so she’s at a stage where she just wants to do whatever without considering implications or consequences. It feels like having a choice and it feels good personally, doesn’t matter why or how, doesn’t matter about other people. That has incredible mass appeal, considering any other realities is not as palatable, straight up depressing really.

No. 553047

>>552993
You aren't a lesbian. Men don't put effort into their appearance and therefore look ugly when they aren't youthful anymore. It's modern men. If you look at pics from the 60s and 50s those men look more put together and attractive even when they are older. Sucks, honestly.

No. 553050

>>553044
Reckless promiscuity and being hyper sexual.

No. 553075

File: 1589254306065.gif (893.91 KB, 500x275, 29f707d92f9134635474f2d3ce3e58…)

Turns out my ex (drifted apart like a year ago, we still talk) who I only recently started feeling like a heartbroken teenager for is a cheater. Today I saw his ex gf from a few months ago make a post about him so I anonymously messaged her and she told me all about it. He manipulated her before dumping her to date some other girl.
Of course thats just one side of the story and it's not very like him, but who knows how someone can change in a year.
Regardless, I don't feel bad anymore.

No. 553091

>>552849
I'm especially worried about catching the virus because once I'm back in France I'll go live with my family until I get a job and can afford my own place. My mother is immuno-compromised, she's the type who has to get a flu vaccine every year and who barely goes out in the winter because of normal epidemics, I don't want her to catch anything because of me.

>i've been looking for a summer job online and it's very scarce, especially since resorts and stuff are closed.

I'm not surprised. One of my siblings is about to graduate and has been looking for job offers both for herself and for me and she told me there's barely any job offers for September compared to previous years. I was also thinking about getting experience abroad so I could maybe start working in the tourism industry while preparing my application for my visa but now that's not even an option anymore. A friend who was hired abroad in a company in the tourism industry told me thousands of employees got laid off soon after she got hired and she managed to find a job in another company after that so she got lucky but it worried me a lot.

Even in my own case I had a lot of interviewed scheduled in March but most of them were cancelled at the last minute because companies had to close down and weren't making enough money to afford new employees anymore, which is one of the reasons why I couldn't stay for as long as I wanted. The only job I found didn't pay enough because I could only work 6h a week and even then, I managed to get hired because employees left to go back to their countries because of the pandemic. Shit was crazy. Hopefully you can find a stable job at some point, small businesses and companies are going to have a hard time in general.

No. 553097

I want a huge change to happen in my life. Something that will just completely flip it upside down. I want to move to another country for a few months or meet someone that loves me or anything that makes the days seem like they aren't just passing by with no purpose.

No. 553108

I have that little girl voice anons were talking about in the last thread but I can't remember experiencing any sexual abuse as a child. It's pretty embarrassing, I don't know why I do it. The last few days I've been telling myself to stop and that its okay to use my real voice but I constantly revert back to it. I think it only happens when I'm scared which is basically all the time when I'm outside my own house. I speak in my natural voice with my parents and siblings.

No. 553118

I had been seeing this guy casually for a year already and yesterday I deleted him from all my social media including his phone number. I doubt he has noticed because we dont speak that often but ughh I feel so bad honestly even though he had been doing several things that hurted me for a while now but I never said anything because I felt it wasnt my place since we were just casual.
I don't know if I want him to notice or not. I know I'll be better off without him but I feel so sad when I think I probably won't see him again.

No. 553128

>>553091
oh man, i hope your mom will be fine…that's very scary. i guess you'll have to quarantine as much as possible in the same house…somehow.

i'm not gonna get any crous money for two months so i'm apply for the financial aid for étudiants ultramarins (which i am lol)…but it's only 200 euros. one payment. all those student strikes and the government still doesn't know french students are poor as shit lol.

wishing you the best of luck with job hunting, hopefully stuff picks up in june/july.

No. 553129

>>553108
tbh i don't think that was "anons" i think it's one anon who for whatever reason is very attached to that idea and keeps bringing it up here and there. i was browsing the old artist salt threads from months back and suddenly an anon proclaimed that an artuber had "that thing where childhood trauma gives you a little girl voice." she's just trying to push that idea but there's more than one reason someone could have a voice like hat ffs. even if it's comfort/insecurity does that mean it's necessarily related to trauma? no.
maybe she discovered something about her own childhood and voice and is seeing the connection everywhere now, even when it's not there.

No. 553130

>>553108
>I think it only happens when I'm scared
Yeah it's an anxiety thing

No. 553132

met this guy and had a great several weeks of seeing him multiple times a week, he told me he was looking for a relationship, told me he adored me, told me he was falling for me not talking to anyone else and not seeing anyone else.

then one of his relatives died (dont know who as he never talked to me about it) and now he hasnt responded to any of my messages in fucking weeks.

still watches all of my insta stories too. im sooo fucking hurt lol ive never felt about anyone the way i felt about him but ive asked him whats going on and he just will not respond. i need distractions bc all i do is think about him and its fucking depressing

No. 553133

>>553108
a lot of women's voices get higher when they're nervous, i wouldn't worry about it anon.

No. 553138

>>553132
Weeks? No contact at all? Drop him. I don’t give a fuck who died, a person doesn’t go on and on about how they adore you and then just stop talking to you.

Delete his number and remove him from social media, you’re better without. I can’t make it hurt less but that’s some insane behaviour that’s only going to get worse the deeper you get. Please don’t buy any of his sob stories if he contacts you. Worst case scenario he lied about someone dying and is checking your stories to see if they’re about him.

No. 553145

Hate it when I have an awkward delivery coming and they can't even roughly estimate the arrival time. Been up since early thismorning because I have a rubbish skip coming and my house is cluttered with old furniture lined up to go into it. The skip could come any minute now or it could come 8 hours from now. It was due yesterday and got pushed back after I spent the whole day waiting. Why can't companies just allot you a time? I have a small item coming by courier today and that tells me the exact hour to expect it.

No. 553146

>>553132
Don't take their word about how much they adore you until they prove it. A man who truly adores you isn't going to ignore you for weeks.
I'm sorry anon. Some scrub pulled this exact shit on me in early February. The difference is that his excuse was "flu" when he had already used that excuse before to explain his reason for why he couldn't have sent me one text in weeks. I told him off then blocked him, I let him do the unmatching from the app that I'd seen he was still active on. They're not even worth your mental space because they've proven they're no one special to you. Toss em like festered garbage.

No. 553149

>>553132
block him everywhere and move on anon, it's not worth it and you shouldn't tolerate being ignored for weeks.

No. 553152

A friend of mine is posturing as a nurse when literally all she does is make sandwiches and read the newspaper to old people. If one of them chokes she's not even allowed to touch them, she can only stand by and wait for actual qualified help to arrive. Pre-COVID I was happy for her because even if it's small, she was making people's lives just a little bit better, but now she's being insufferable. She keeps posting selfies in face mask and scrubs even though 1) her job doesn't involve scrubs and 2) she's non-essential and so isn't actually working at the moment. Now she's all over International Nurses Day lapping up praise from people who are mistaking her for a real nurse.

She's only doing this job because she failed every single nursing course she's ever taken. She'd always shit on her classmates, calling them morons who barely graduated elementary school (many of them were immigrants still in the process of learning our language) but despite always being the smartest person in the class, she failed every one. Now those 'morons' are working as actual nurses while she is taking carefully staged selfies in her bathroom at home.

No. 553153

>>553152
>friend
what the fuck

No. 553161

So I had a pretty rough spergout session a few weeks ago and slept on the bathroom floor and I was texting my boyfriend throughout it. What started the spreg was that I got a message and a vid of me from a man who groomed me when I was a kid for a few years and the video was of me nude and underage. And he was like 'I miss talking to you' and it just made me remember like my childhood of online grooming and offline molestation and so I was cry-texting my bf about it and I confessed to him that I am sexual with men I talk to out of an obligation and coping and like most of the times I don't even feel like doing it.
So, after this, now things are 'normal', he has completely stopped being sexual with me for over two weeks now and I noticed it because he is usually very horny, and I asked him about it and he said he felt extremely guilty and bad about being like that with me and taking advantage of my mental unstability and now he feels awful if he thinks about me in a sexual way. And that he doesn't wanna do anything like that with me for now at least. He is encouraging me to go to therapy and figure it all out before we take a step.
I feel guilty that I am very relieved we are less sexual now, I feel more comfy and more myself. But the thing is, he is a pretty horny dude and I feel if I'm not sexual with him, he will be seeking other things out. And I feel bad as his gf I can't really be like that with him.

No. 553162

>>553145
Are you the garbage skip anon who talked about in some thread, mentioning you have back problems? Random but i kept thinking about it and hoping you take it easy on your back, i had one at my house a while ago and the bitch was kinda tricky.

No. 553164

I love how he people who sperg about how you need to "call people out" the most are the ones who can't handle it at all when you finally call THEM out. Congrats on displaying the exact type of behavior that causes me to have a hard time telling people how I feel.

No. 553165

>>553162
Yeah that's me. Was hoping it'd come early today cos my back aches after a few hours of just being awake on any normal day, No such luck, still waiting around and trying to picture how I'll manage it lol

No. 553167

>>553165 oh fuck, please be careful! I have a leg thing and am so lame that i looked up proper stance and posture shit online so i didnt fuck it up even more. Here's to hoping your shit shall arrive!

No. 553183

File: 1589288294112.gif (1 MB, 500x278, meh.gif)

On our recent family meeting with s/o's family, we ended up talking about body and weight. I said that I don't believe that diets actually work (I've been through ana-chan hell during my teenagehood for 5 years), and that people shouldn't hate themselves for their bodies like media brainwashes us to, but actually accept themselves and just take care of their health.
The fat-chan of the table kept rambling and rambling how she is now such a picky eater out of nowhere, praising herself how little she eats now, once a day, kya! I told that I am hoping that she is joking because that is really unhealthy to do, she should eat whenever her body wishes to. I mentioned that I enjoy food a lot, because me and my s/o both love experimenting with cooking, and I eat a lot because of it (well, a normal amount of food, medium-sized with small snacks, but I still believe that's a lot because of ana-chan on the back of my head sometimes). Her grandmother laughed i toff, saying that I will regret it by the time I hit 30s and that I will be like fat-chan (whose skeleton is really thick and she does nothing but sits on PC all day, while crying of how fat she is while I am always having something to do) and it triggers me ever since even though it's been a week. I keep feeling too scared to eat too much, I keep forcing myself to work out even more no matter that I am feeling really weak lately. Man, I hate it. Why are people always trying to throw their life failures at me or others in general? I can't stand it anymore.
During the same week my friend who keeps choosing the wrong partners commented on my relationship (because he asked for how long i've been with my s/o, and it's been 4 years since we are together) and he started rambling about how I am going to be heartbroken and how love is really a bad thing, mehmehmeh. At least when he said such thing, I explained that it's none of his buisness and that such statement hurts me, because he doesn't know anything about my relationship and life in general, considering we both are living different lives.

Why are people such assholes lately?

No. 553193

I’ve been been getting pissed off with my government and sick of people being brain washed by the media thinking they are doing a good job regarding the Corona situation… my country fetishises the war and all the boomers are wanking over it whilst the working class are being sent out to save capitalism… I had to delete all my social media for a bit because seeing the public post about having a massive BBQ in a park and fight against the vaccine so we’re not brainwashed or poisoned makes me feel so sick… I think I’m just frustrated being working class and being treated like a hunk of meat.

No. 553195

>>553183
Don't take this the wrong way but I think you overreacted just a little. You say you don't want people waving their weight failures in front of you, and yet you seem to be judging this situation through the lens of someone who isn't quite recovered from her own disorder either. A petty familial bant where no one's an expert and plenty are hypocrites shouldn't be enough to trigger you like that. By the way, intermittent fasting or one meal a day can be a great tool for weight reduction and improving people's blood glucose. That's IF they can stick to such a diet, which is why for many it's not a realistic choice.

Regarding your second scenario though, he sounds jealous. Typical sabotaging male.

No. 553196

>>553193
England? Either way I feel you. Scared of the rise that's going to happen.

No. 553197

>>553195
I am sorry for being harsh, I made myself seem judgmental because same said fat-chan always complains about how fat and 'fugly' she is while ordering herself UberEats every week, filled with McDonalds or other junk food, which always leads into her crying for attention. That is why I decided to harshly judge her here. Same said fat-chan also always stares at me and compares herself to me which is ridiclious because she is a grown woman compared to me because of our age difference.

The male friend is yes, jealous of my relationship because he always decides to choose every random girl he meets, and then complains and screams to me that ''every german woman is horrible hur hur hur!! find me a gf!! ''. I kept trying shake some sense into him, saying that there's no point in focusing on finding love if you are a mess of personality who also has to pay off many debts, but some men are just like that.

No. 553214

File: 1589298434820.jpg (1000.2 KB, 1242x1234, 1581707572052.jpg)

Is anyone else actually facing the possibility of homelessness because of covid? Lmao fuck

No. 553224

File: 1589300394761.png (517.53 KB, 715x484, 1566229246499.png)

My dad is dating a girl 2 years older than me and I feel like my whole life has turned upside down.

I know that everyones first thought when they hear about a man dating a much younger girl is that he's an asshole and that's usually the case but I'm still trying to justify it somehow because it's so surreal and it's different when it's your own dad.

Apologies for the wall of text I know no1curr but writing this out hopefully helps (tfw no therapy)

Basically my parents had me when they were both 20 and for some reason they thought they would actually be able to raise a child together even though they'd been dating for like half a year and not even in a serious relationship. My mom is foreign and she came here to work in my dad's father's company and that's how they met. They were always out partying and stuff and when my mom got accidentally pregnant they decided they would settle down, which I blame on my dad because he was the one who basically had no direction in life, so this major change seemed exciting to him, whereas my mom could have actually had a career, plus she had no relatives in the country and no one to lean on other than him and their mutual friends.
But surprise surprise they split up a few months after I was born. No complaints after that cause my grandparents (father's side) helped A LOT financially, and both parents were always there for me. My mom went to college and became a teacher, married my step dad when I was around 4 and had my little brother so I always felt like I had a proper family life.

My dad had a pretty shit childhood, his father was always cheating on his mom until they divorced when he was really young. He had a lot of pent up anger at his father for the cheating and for leaving them, and only fixed their relationship a few years ago, but my mom tells me how mad he was at him and how he didn't want to turn out like him. (major foreshadowing here)

After him and my mom split he actually did pretty well for himself and is quite successful in his field. He got married to an amazing woman who helped him quit some bad habits he had and they had my other little brother when I was 12. I was really close with him, had dinner at their place every weekend and he used to take me to work which was so much fun, and to the movies museums etc. all the time, he taught me so many things that are so important to me.
I'm really close to my step mom too and a couple years ago both separately started kinda complaining to me about things and I could tell the relationship was deteriorating, he was always away for work and sometimes she would worry about what he was doing, and about him being away from their son.

Then they made the mistake of having another child like some couples do to save their marriage. Needless to say it didn't work and they separated half a year ago and divorced recently.
I spent a lot of time with her and the kids during the divorce process and it was absolutely horrible. She was devastated and did a great job hiding it from the boys but when it was just the two of us and she spoke to me honestly I felt so bad for her. She is stuck at home, alone now, with a 10yo and a 2yo while he's traveling the world and now fucking around with a 24yo.

At first I was outraged cause of the age of the girl and how quickly he got with her after the divorce but now all I'm thinking about is the boys and how he did to them the same thing his father did to him. I'm an adult so theoretically it doesn't really affect me now but they are so young. He is still very much around and a caring father but still the fact that he is not home with them and they're so young is so sad. I remember him telling me when he was a kid for a while he was constantly hearing his mom crying in the bathroom when his dad left them. Now the same thing happening in his own family.

I don't know if he was cheating before the separation but now I don't doubt it. I feel like he's an entirely different person and not who I grew up with.
And I know it's his fault and it's always the man to blame in these cases but I can't help but hate this girl. I haven't even met her and don't plan to but I found her intagram and she's just a basic edgy/alternative bitch. My dad's not ugly but he's 42 years old and it's clear as day that she's using him. How is this bitch not bothered by the fact that he has 3 kids, one of them almost her age, is beyond me. I really hope he can see that she's a gold digger at least and is not deluding himself.

I guess my conclusion is that men have crazy midlife crises and beware of rich boys with daddy issues. Any advice is welcome i feel like I'm losing my mind rn

No. 553226

>>553224
Sorry to hear about your dad being a scumbag. If i've learned anything, is that all men are trash and dads arent any different. I had a falling out with my dad after he dated someone three years younger than me. I was 28 at the time and he was in his early 50s. I hope that you remain close your step mom at least. so sorry this happening to you..

No. 553227

>>553224
Your dad is making the active choice to date someone almost 20 years his junior. He isnt a saint, anon.

No. 553231

>>553224
I empathize anon, what you're doing is grieving the loss of your father figure and a part of you is still in shock. The loss of respect never really recovers after something this devastating. Literally the same thing happened to me with my stepdad and I've been battling with it mentally while trying to maintain an amicable relationship with him. Basically if I lose him I've lost all my parents, so maybe that's my underlying motivation for tolerating his mid life crisis bullshit.
Man otherwise, I've been born into a family of absolute scum and basketcases who had no business breeding. It's times like these when we truly realize we can't have picked our parents.


What's with these grown men emulating their own fathers who they claimed to hate anyway? Doth protest too much? My stepdad claims his father was a huge asshole who divorced after being a serial cheater, and that he never liked the new woman his dad married. Yet here he is having cheated on my mom and having the audacity to date women in my age range. Then to add insult to injury, he dragged me into their divorce drama by forcing me to keep secrets on both sides as an adult–nvm my mom's second divorce shit when I was little where I acted like therapist then too. My parents are juvenile messes trapped in older bodies.
Ugh. Don't even get me started on these young women agreeing to date flabby and old 40 and 50 year old men. They know exactly what they're doing. In my observation they're often desperate and feel they have no options for support besides what these men have to offer. My stepdad is being the definition of a middle aged white creep and it sucks after I previously had such a high opinion of him because he was the "cool" dad as a foil to my psychotic bitch mother. It's shit, I'm sorry you're going through it too.

No. 553232

>>553224
my dad cheated on my mom multiple times (they're still married 36 years later and idk why), and his father cheated on his wife too. I wish there was active advice I could give, other than men can be absolute scumbags and never trust that they will not do what they say they won't do. I keep my dad at an arm's distance and I am unafraid to put him in his place when he thinks he is above me or my mom. I guess just don't be afraid to be open and honest, because at the end of the day he is royally fucking up, not just his life, but everyone else around him as well. I have zero sympathy for men like this.

No. 553233

>>553167
Thanks anon! I wasn't too graceful especially when it came to the sofa but I now have one full skip. I have a neighbour who tbh is always a little too full on friendly whenever he spots me.. and for the first time in two years he saw me and just quietly slinked away right at the moment where a hand would've been great..lol. At least it's done now.

No. 553237

>>552038
I just started using it, didn't do much. I fell for the texturizer meme too and had to start all over since it made my hair straight. So I definitely get the struggle you're going through. I might just give in and do a keratin treatment once, it usually loosens your curls a lot but I'll avoid doing a second treatment.

No. 553240

>>553224

RIP anon. You two sound close enough, ever thought of casually confronting him? Probably won't change his mind but maybe he'll at least take a good look at himself.

I'm lowkey glad my dad died when I was young so I get to preserve only the "perfect image" of him.

No. 553242

I finished my last class for the semester and I barely passed. I’m kind of bummed that I burned out instead of trying hard on the final because that’s what really hurt my grade. I’m relieved it’s over because it was the last credit I needed at community college for my degree but now I don’t know what to do next.

No. 553244

>>553226
anon I'm sorry you've been through this too. About all men being trash, it's something I was always against believing but this whole thing is turning me into a misandrist lol. Life sucks

>>553227
I know he isn't, but it's really hard coming to terms with that. And that girl isn't a saint either

>>553232
Is yoour parents' relationship good now, after the cheating? I always thought a rp couldn't recover from something like that but some people seem to manage it.


>>553231
you worded it perfectly anon, loss of respect. I do feel like this can never be fixed completely now. I'm sorry you've experienced it too, especially him being your only parent.

And about men becoming like their fathers - I absolutely can't understand it, but it happens ridiculously often. Especially since they know exactly what their fathers did wrong and how it affected them, and then they knowingly do it to their own children too.


I completely forgot to mention in my post the fact that when my dad was 18, my grandfather married a girl his age. So I have an uncle my age and an aunt younger than me, fucked up family tree in general. I guess it's different cause he was a guy but he still knows what it's like to have a step-whatever your own age.
And yes the girls absolutely know what they're doing, they just don't care I guess.

>>553240
He told me about it yesterday, I was visibly furious but didn't say much. Next time I see him I'm absolutely going to confront him and tell him exactly what I'm thinking whether it makes a difference or not.
I'm really sorry about your loss anon, but it's beautiful that you can see a positive side to this.

No. 553248

I hate porn. I think its one of the reason why some of these younger guys are presenting slightly predatory behavior (not full blown but coercing and "using") because these are present in porn to be normal and they've been watching porn since they were ten and able to fully grasp how dangerous the behavior is. I can only hope they realize it soon before they become a predator or keep on using these traumatize girls (easy girls) and feeding in to both of their trauma

No. 553253

>>553152

Why would you be ‘friends’ with someone you seemingly have nothing but disdain for and think extremely lowly of? I see so many anons post things like this and don’t get why fully grown adults would waste their time and energy on these kind of relationships

No. 553267

I just found out this girl I know who is militantly anti-pot (she dropped her best friend of many years for starting to use it for anxiety even though she as a prescription for it) is a proud member of the DDLG community to the point of publicly discussing it on social media. How the fuck can you be judgmental enough to drop your best friend over the medication they use when you literally partake in pedophiliac role play? Goddamn.

No. 553273

>>552982
Are you me anon? I've been feeling like this for years, I really miss the days of booming forums where everyone was a weirdo with niche interests and built close-knit communities. Everyone is so spread out now and even Discord sucks. The only solution I've found is to indulge in my solitary interests and learn to enjoy being alone.

No. 553278

>>553248
Something that bothers me (apart from the obvious choking, slapping, rough shit) is how often porn is based around fucking your stepsister, your stepmom, some girl that the guy hates (again it's usually a stepsister) and humiliating her by fucking her roughly?? like why does so much porn now have to involve hate-fucking your family members?

I dated a guy with sons and when his 12 year old was caught with a ton of porn in his browser history it really made me see how strange it is to be that age, surrounded by stepsisters and half sisters in this complicated family set up and to then have the pornhub main page full of those scenes. What chance does that kid have to process that and reject it for being fucked up? He won't, he'll develop a weird taste for it.

No. 553287

>>553278
I don’t have a problem with porn inherently but I so agree with this, I can’t understand how that kind of thing is so popular and it’s always on the main page it makes me so uncomfortable

No. 553297

>>553153
>>553253
She’s a childhood friend turned in-law so I can’t just drop her or even call her out without making things extremely awkward. Most of the time we get along pretty well and I’m still fond of her, but her attitude and competitiveness when it comes to work has been getting on my nerves for a long time. I’ve spent the last ~4 years hearing her trash talk her classmates and brag about being top of her class, only for her to fail the course every single time. I wish she’d learn some humility and be more realistic about her capabilities but instead she’s using a pandemic to live a fantasy life online and leading people to believe she’s saving lives when she’s just sitting on her ass playing Animal Crossing at home.

No. 553298

>>553248
same, but I mainly hate it because of the predatory industry itself, the fact that 99.9% of it is boring ass male wet dream fantasy that would never actually pleasure and satisfy a woman, and the fact that major porn sites like pornhub have been caught hosting child porn, rape, and revenge porn videos, and then refused to take them down when notified.

No. 553300

My almost adult brother has become increasingly aggressive and verbally abusive towards my mum. All he does his play on his playstation and eat.
He's already repeating the year but instead of making an effort to pass this time, he's completely ignoring all his work and hasn't opened a school book in months.
I'm really worried for my mum; i don't want her to get hurt. And my dad is suffering too, and doesn't feel like he can do anything at this point.
He's been the source of worry and trouble in this household for the past few years and i just don't know what's gotten into him. He's completely unapproachable and flips even when my mum starts a normal convo with him. His hatred for her is immense and idk where it's coming from. She literally does nothing but dote on him. I'm already dealing with my own shit but it kills me to see him doing this to my parents who have done nothing but the best for him.

No. 553302

Confessed to my boyfriend that I just don't feel joy in anything anymore and kind of got on the topic that I might possibly suffer from depression.

Got asked if I'm going to kill myself. I told him no and that even if I wanted to I wouldn't want to bring that kind of pain on him or my mom and family that I love dearly.

"Well why would you care, you'd be dead."

Oh, ok.

He then told me that I should start exercising again once the gyms open up. I agreed, but explained that I don't think lack of exercise is the cause because I felt like this even when I was going to the gym every day. Just because I don't enjoy something doesn't mean I won't keep it up, especially when I know it's good for me.

He proceeded to be confused and gave me a strict lecture on how exercise is the basis of good mental health and blahblahblah, nothing I don't know already.

I don't blame him for not knowing what to say or do, I just hate that me trying to open up about my feelings turned into a lecture on what I'm doing wrong and how to fix it.

I know that once I start exercising again I'm going to get the "oh you're doing so well, isn't this great, aren't you happier" comments rolling. My boyfriend is a firm believer in that everything wrong physically or mentally comes down to exercise and healthy eating, and while I know it's generally true I'm also so, so tired of hearing about it whenever I'm having a bad time.

No. 553307

Life feels hard and cruel today

No. 553308

>>553302
What would you want your boyfriend to say?

It sounds like he's either autistic or thinking without emotions, given his responses. If you want an emotional response and not someone's advice, why did you go to a male?

No. 553311

>>553302
He sounds obnoxious, like one of those guys who've convinced himself he's a logic dispenser and now he's above emotions and feelings. It's immature and unrealistic. By the way, this is pretty much how he will handle any kind of negative feelings or situations that the both of you will encounter in the future too. Personally I couldn't stand to be with someone who blames every sad thought on a lack of physical activity when that's bullshit. The worst I've ever felt about myself was also when I was forcing myself to jog and weight lift six days a week, exercise did nothing for my depression besides make me feel like a mediocre failure when I couldn't reach goals. Which happened often when I was in a mental state where I felt so low and hopeless about myself.

Sounds like you'll have to reach for emotional support elsewhere cause your bf isnt capable of providing that, sorry anon.

No. 553315

>>553300
1.Your brother has a gaming addiction, he seems to not be interested in anything else except for being preoccupied by his playstation.
Solution:Take away(or break as a last resort) his playstation and electronics.
2.Your brother (like most gamers) probably spends alot of time looking at anti-women stuff and incel forums which explains his sudden hatred for your mom.
Solution: Have a long conversation with your mom and tell her to stop babying him and actually discipline him, and not serve him make him but instead let him make the food for himself and make him get a job.

No. 553316

I'm so close to noping-the-fuck-outtie. I have enough amitriptyline to stop the hearts of ten men in the back pocket of my mind

No. 553319

It's weird to me when people my age are still playing skinwalking copycat games to compete for attention.
>friend A in group buys a nice new laptop after having the same old one for several years
>friend B suddenly decides she needs to buy a new desktop and tries to mimic basically everything that friend A does
Friend B was ranting about how she wants to save up money and get rid of debt not even a week ago before she knew friend A bought the new laptop. Now she finds the pocket change to buy over $1k worth of electronics because she wants to feel included with friend A I guess. Why do people do this actually?

No. 553329

>>553315
You are spot-on, anon. He did develop misogynistic tendencies, and i believe i've seen him watch one of those yt incel gamers. My mum's strategy is to be nice to him to not piss him off even more, and i've told her endless times how that was one of the reasons he ended up becoming like that in the first place, but she won't listen.
He's nicer to my dad and respects him more but my dad is too caught up in his own depression and shit to try intervene. It's all very frustrating to witness.
Thank your for your reply though, i appreciate it.

No. 553336

I was watching hereditary and crying and my bf was like “well you know your moms gonna die at some point.” ???? How is that helpful. He’s said the same thing about my dad too

No. 553338

Literally why does every psychic instantly know I'm skeptical. I hate that it kind of proves that they can sense shit

No. 553340

>>553336
Holy fuck anon he doesn't have any empathy or social intelligence

No. 553346

>>553338
They're just good at reading body language and you're probably giving off apprehensive vibes.

No. 553347

>>553338
You reminded me of this video… 7 "psychics" though one of them is fake. spoiler: none of them could sense the fake

No. 553349

I finally broke down and I'm paying to get away from my roommates this weekend. We have been quarantining since the end of March. 2 of them are not working and they don't care at all that myself & my other roommate are trying to work from home. I've been working 8-10hr days and then going straight to my room to turn on my sound machine bc they are so fucking loud. I'm really introverted so I'm hoping a few days in isolation will let me recharge and get rid of this awful suffocating feeling.

No. 553350

my bf vomited on my carpet and all over my bathroom last night. it's all I can smell today. like super fucking pungent, can't see where it's coming from because I scrubbed what I could off last night.
he was sick and didn't mean to, but it doesn't make it any less fucked. anyone have any advice on removing the smell, or at least some of it? feel like I'm going to add to it in a minute holy shit

No. 553351

>>553319
Spoiler Alert: people still suck well into adulthood. I'm 27 and my friends group still has some of this same kind of petty immature bullshit.

No. 553353

>>553340
I can’t leave because of quarantine. My family is on a separate continent. I think he wants me to die I’m scared of even typing this. I just want to go home I’m sorry that I’m whining but I feel sick

No. 553354

>>553350
Dont know about puke but cat piss smell goes away with a 1:1 mixture of liquid dish soap and baking soda, scrub it in and leave it on for a while, then rinse off. I also sometimes add vinegar to it.

No. 553355

>>553336
What the fuck anon, while being true, that's just nasty to say during that movie. Love yourself.

No. 553370

I couldn't figure out why I hate hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend, but I realize it's because I hate the way she infantilizes herself when he's around. When it's just her and I she acts normal, but when he's around suddenly she speaks in this weird higher pitch baby-ish voice, is super clingy to him and tries to act all cutesy. It makes me super uncomfortable, I'm already third-wheeling and it doesn't help that my friend transforms into a different person.

I know people's personality can change depending on who they're around (I'm definitely not the same person around family vs. friends vs. coworkers, and I've been guilty of acting more gentle/feminine around guys I like). But I hate when she goes into "girlfriend mode", it makes it impossible to be around her.

No. 553383

I forgot one of my friends birthdays I feel so awful I literally know the day and all week was like ‘don’t forget to wish them a happy birthday’ but I still forgot I think because of quarantine all the days are just blending into one and I lost track of the date I hope they don’t take it personally and can accept my apology I’m so annoyed with myself

No. 553392

Some gay men are so damn insufferable. And I hate how pornsick most of them are. Even worse than hetero men.

No. 553398

File: 1589341868554.jpg (250.2 KB, 1920x1080, thumb-1920-1049015.jpg)

I just wanted a functional adult weeb friend I could nerd and be embarrassing with, but in my experience after 25 it's virtually impossible to find someone who is into geeky shit and is not a complete embarrassment to be around. Yes, I want to talk about that new light novel you were reading, that one anime you liked or your favorite character, no, I don't want to talk about it during work and I certainly don't want my boss to know I still collect manga and play videogames that are not fucking CoD so please keep your voice down.

No. 553399

it is midnight and i am now beginning to study for my exam. every day i make the same bad decisions, only thing that changes is where i whine about it. i can probably pass but i'm gonna get shit for staying up so late.

No. 553406

The thought of having to live for possibly another 70 years makes me sweat. Forget about the fact that I'm depressed. Just the idea that I have to do this , even if everything is in my favor and technically good, makes me EXHAUSTED.

No. 553408

My parents are so fucking fucked. They isolated me all throughout my childhood and didn't instill me with any social connections, academic guidance, or emotional support and wonder why I'm a shut in with almost no friends and why everything is always a little harder for me. You can't forcibly shelter someone and tell them that everything is bad and wrong and offer no parental guidance and then all of a sudden free the reigns and expect me to turn out like a normal person. Don't compare me to your nieces and nephews who had parents who took them places, bought them decent clothes, allowed them to socialize with other kids that weren't just their relatives, monitored their school work and how much time they spent on the internet, and gave them an ounce of freedom.

No. 553409

>>553406
Same not in a suicidal way but it just seems overwhelming, I try and just never think about life this way (like imagining living 70 years) and take it day to day - I can only really imagine living like the next fortnight in advance

No. 553412

>>553408
Are you me? I know exactly what you mean. My parents were loving, they just gave me no freedom, couldn't academically help me and because both worked they didn't have the time to raise me, so I was a lonely sheltered child with no friends or any outlet for my energy. Socializing as an adult has been hell and I'm unable to form emotional connections with people, but let me tell you, terapy does help, it just sucks that life is short and you will waste your youth if you don't get it as soon as you can.

No. 553415

>>553412
I'm both glad and sad that you can relate. What type of therapy are you getting if you don't mind me asking? I'm too scared to go and worry it won't help.

No. 553421

>>552260
Okay I had a huge unfixed dog and he never ever tried to hump me or anything, I know this post is likely fake but how does a teen easily get their dog to fuck them? Like without using any sprays or anything. I’m just too curious not to ask.

No. 553423

I just bought a big ass bottle of cheap white wine and have no one to share it with

No. 553426

>>553423
more for you

No. 553429

File: 1589350104978.gif (1.12 MB, 498x373, fa3681fbc61bcba48fdd0862d6fa25…)

I'm feeling that I might want to have a child at some point in my life but at the same wish I couldn't bear one
I don't have sex at all (planning to) but my friends are exaggeratedly afraid of getting pregnant all the time
It'd be nice doing it without a condom too, idk if being sterile causes health problems but sounds good to me

No. 553431

>>553408
I feel like I could have written this. The moment I turned 18 my mom was all "why don't you ever go out? you're young, you should enjoy yourself!" "why are you so shy? be brave!" where was that energy when I asked to hang out with my friends at a cafe for a few hours after school when I was fifteen? or all the similar instances where you shot down my attempts at socializing? now that i've overcome a lot of my setbacks and have the confidence to confront my mom about these things, she goes full revisionist mode and insists she allowed me plenty of freedom.

No. 553439

>>553421
Not her but when I was a kid playing on the floor once like on all fours, my neighbors dog mounted me and started humping. It was really embarrassing, I hated that dog after that. I've also seen other dogs start humping people's legs for no reason, even a female dog did it. I think it's not as uncommon as you think.

No. 553440

>>553439
yeah i guess my dogs just haven't been humpers..

No. 553441

there was this girl that I used to be friends with in high school. we were never serious friends, we just hung out at school. well I wondered what ever happened to her and so I just googled her name and found out she passed away… I just…. don't know how to feel. this is so upsetting. I wish I never googled her name

No. 553445

File: 1589356616952.jpg (31.64 KB, 526x300, 1566840427446.jpg)

>>553128
One of my sisters told me her friend caught the virus and was pretty much agonizing at home for a week in her room while her family was avoiding her and she didn't infect anyone, it could be doable.

>i'm not gonna get any crous money for two months

Thank fucking god I graduated last year, sounds even worse than usual. And just 200 euros? Isn't life in the dom tom even more expensive than in the average sized cities in the métropole to begin with? It's better than nothing I guess but what the fuck?

No. 553447

>>553429
Not to discourage you, but your friends likely aren't exaggerating. Pregnancy is one of the most brutal things a woman can put herself through. It absolutely wrecks your body and post partum depression effects 70-80% of women. Not to mention the idea alone of raising a human being and all the trials that come with it is daunting. I'm terrified of pregnancy because I personally know a woman who's tailbone literally broke giving birth to her son and she damn near died due to other complications. My mother in law also had complications with her epidural in which they accidentally damaged a bunch of nerves and to this day, you could stab her in the left upper thigh and she'd never feel it. Pregnancy is risky.

No. 553450

I don't really care to be alive anymore. My life is the best it's every been so it doesn't really make any sense to feel suicidal. I'm not really sure how to deal with the past. I keep having flashbacks that bring back the emotions I felt then and this happens multiple times a day. Then I go to sleep and have nightmares of very similar events. It's taking a toll on me. I don't see myself actively killing myself but I still really wish I could go away. I just feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. Nothing really makes sense anymore.

No. 553454

>>553450
Have you received mental health services for this before? Apologies if that sound oblivious or assuming for asking in the first place

No. 553455

>>553454
it's okay. I have before in the past when I had insurance. I lost my insurance a year ago though and can't afford the costs to see a counselor/psychiatrist regularly. I know what diagnosis I have though from when I had mental health care in the past, so I've been trying to do some self help on it but it hasn't particularly helped much.

No. 553457

>>551818
I CAN'T FOCUS ON MY FUCKING HOMEWORK ANYMORE
i spent so much time ignoring it and struggling to find a quarantine routine that now my brain is just done.
i'm 80% done with one assignment, 90% with the other and approx 5% w the last, due in 3 days. but every sentence i read and write feels like torture.
i've never procrastinated this hard on homework i swear to god

No. 553458

Any other early bloomers here? Early puberty sucked ass. I was expected to act older just because I looked older. I was tall with titties in 4th grade, and it sucked being called immature and shit, being told I look too old for the play place, getting ogled by men, my dad seemed grossed out by me because I was having periods and in training bras and such. Now my baby sisters are hitting puberty early and it makes me sad for them. It hurts my heart to see ugly perverts ogle my 12 and 9 year old sisters, it kills me to see them be insecure or whatever about their changing bodies. I wanna shelter them from the world and tell them it’s ok to wear ridiculous kid clothes or still act however they want, because they’re still kids. I hate the whole period means you’re becoming a woman thing I just felt so much pressure to “grow” up

No. 553459

>>553458
Samefag; I don’t want them to be so insecure that they do what I did as a preteen and garner attention from older ugly dudes. I feel so worried for them growing up in an era where there’s so much pornsickness and shit. I don’t remember it being this bad back then.

No. 553460

>>553458
i think i was too sheltered, introverted and oblivious to have as many shitty experiences but i did get harassed and looked at weird a few times by creeps before i hit 14. then i think i looked way too autistic in highschool to get much attention lol.
it was fucked up looking back at how i already had to get used to sex perverts at age 11 because i was…160cm tall and wore shorts in a tropical country? god i wish they'd drop dead.
i'm glad i kept the same "fuck them, i can look however i want"attitude throughout the years though.

No. 553461

File: 1589361847632.jpg (33.46 KB, 800x600, Ci3sfVSWUAAGFTZ.jpg)

I need to get the hell out of lolcow and stop treating it like it's a personal diary safe space, the anonymity and even vent threads like this one give me a false sense of security but it's still the public fucking internet and I just worry that I'm somehow leaving a retarded paper trail and sabotaging my future self from succeeding if I ever get doxxed, if that's even possible. is that paranoid? idk. a few times since quarantine I have typed up some very
psychotic (but true) personal life shit hoping for some sort of like, release or understanding/ sympathy i guess… but I backspace right out of there once I start feeling like it sounds too specifically like ME, that someone will find my posts and puzzle it all together and then I'll be eternally fucking "problematic" or something. I honestly feel like I'm not much like the average farmer ideology wise but I've still found a lot of commonality with other anons here and I think that's what makes it feel like a safe little escape for things I don't feel like talking to irl friends about.

I know if I throw myself into my more productive hobbies/ artmaking I won't get into my weird cycle of idealistic thinking and that won't make me ruminate and I won't get sad and I won't be tempted to post personal shit here (that I should save for like. therapy tbh) and it also will stop me from being bored enough to wonder how the cows I follow are holding up even though I genuinely don 't give a fuck about any of them anymore and haven't for a while now… but i'm bad at self-restraint

No. 553466

File: 1589362718417.gif (1.55 MB, 480x360, 5D27567F-06DE-476E-8A5D-45C688…)

>>553455
Lack of insurance was somehow the answer I expected with such shitty healthcare systems. And I wish self help methods worked out better for you.

It’s a shallow response but yeah, definitely was able to relate to having a stable life and still feeling like “nah”

No. 553474

File: 1589368081978.png (249.5 KB, 500x489, F39B4DFB-AF78-4199-8F03-27539D…)

>>553461
Anon SAME. I have written so many embarrassing and/or fucked up things on here. i also used to post on this site when I was underage so there’s tons of naive retarded stuff I’ve said on here over the years. Like if I ever got exposed I’d want to die lmao

No. 553488

>>553461
>>553474
I battle with these feelings too every time I come here. I rarely talk to strangers on the Internet anymore because of my paranoia/reasonable fear of losing privacy. There should be an untraceable hugspace for people like us that periodically destroys all the embarrassing evidence.

No. 553489

I’m 22 and I still haven’t graduated. I know that it’s not much of a big deal, but I’m the type of person who’s really focused on studies, and I couldn’t wait to finally complete my 5 years course. The thing is, I could only complete three years, and due to financial issues, I had to stop. I had a debt to pay to the school, so I couldn’t apply for the fourth year, which is perfectly normal, but they said that once the debt is paid, I can go back to school and get back to where I’ve stopped. But they fucked me over, I tried to pay the debt with my father, but they said that they couldn’t take the money directly, that they had to see with their lawyers. No answer since. Lost one year like that. Second year, the same shit again, they ignored our mails, we even went to school to meet the director, but the secretary said we couldn’t even meet him. At this point, I was already really tired. What kind of school plays deaf when you try to pay them back??? I gave up and decided to go to another school, and I failed. Again. The whole quarantine situation completely rushed things, I couldn’t properly work on my portfolio (got infected), and the exams that were supposed to take place online on May 4th got reported on April 15th. And they told us this what… On April 11st? I don’t want to blame my failure on this alone, this is mostly the frustration talking, but damn do I feel angry. I feel angry at my former school, this situation, the other school I wished to apply to, and mostly myself. I lost all my motivation. I’m lucky to have a consistent job that allowed me to save a lot of money, I’m very mindful with my earnings and I live at my mom’s home, but I feel so fucking useless, damn… Nearing 23 and I feel like I’m doing nothing with my life and that I’m wasting my youth doing nothing, I feel like I’m not moving onward. I’m just so fucking done. I feel like I’m already too old to get back to studying next year.

No. 553493

>>553489
Anon, don’t be ridiculous! So many people don’t even start school until they’re in their mid-20s. If anything, this whole pandemic situation is in your advantage— a lot of people are taking time off of school due to it, can’t afford to go back, etc. I was always planning on doing school in four years, taking a gap year and then going to grad school, and now it looks like I may have to take a semester or two off so that roadmap isn’t exactly possible. Do you only ever go to small private schools? I’ve noticed if you go to public schools/ commuter schools there are usually many more older students. Good luck anon, but you’re not the only one in this boat right now, a lot of people’s plans got screwed up. Don’t be too hard on yourself!

No. 553500

>>553474
When I was underage I legitimately thought anonymous boards were anonymous, and I didn't realize some 4chan boards were automatically archived, I was so stupid.
At least there's a little bit of reassurance in knowing you would have to be on the same level as necesasaryspeed and Kiki to be doxxed by the mods, and at least most 4chan archives have lost their older content.

No. 553501

>>553488
>>553474
>>553461
>>553500
Yeah I mean I've had paranoid thoughts about what I have posted, but I take comfort in knowing it would take a special kind of geeklord to dig through and compile every little shower thought I've ever typed about my life. Who would even care? I'm a Nancy Nobody.

No. 553505

>>553489
many people are in your situation.
i understand it's frustrating; i'm also hard on myself and focused on studies despite not matching my ridiculous expectations for myself.
please keep in mind your age is really not as extreme as you think. the first sentence of your post didn't even register as something negative in my brain.

No. 553506

The true harbinger of the pandemic is the fact that we are simultaneously seeing every single lolcow's genitalia and breasts.
I never want to see such sights again.

No. 553507

>>553319
You seem very petty. It's absolutely normal that when someone in a friend group buys something, then someone else in that same group gets inspired to do something similar. In a "Oh, my PC might be ready for an upgrade too!" kind of way.

No. 553509

>>553507
After they made a big deal about wanting to work on their debts though? Context, anon. It's weird at best.

No. 553525

File: 1589383206993.gif (535.37 KB, 498x280, 9783EF01-63F1-42AC-93EE-16339F…)

My seasonal allergies are hitting fucking hard. Actually can't breathe once more. Covid's has stopped my immunotherapy appointments and I was still early in it so I don't see progression. I actually had a dream where a clinic was opened and still was giving my vaccines, it was so amazing. My dumbass, however, forgot the damn things in the fridge at home.
I'm mainly afraid of getting stares at in public when I'll go grocery shopping because I can't sneezing and my difficulty breathing

No. 553527

File: 1589385902357.jpg (326.71 KB, 1080x2340, 6f08431.jpg)

I know I shouldnt be envious of girls being creeped on by god damn I wish I was good looking.

No. 553528

>>553527
Anon she probably just has tits and an ass

No. 553531

>>553527
>I wish I was good looking
Erm, I'd hate to burst your and the OP's bubble but the reason why horny 18 year olds are after her is that she's 14. They see she's youthful and naive and want to shoot their shot. I remember this because I and my friends constantly were hit on by older men and it wasn't because we were lookers.

No. 553532

>>553527
I can honestly never take these AITA stories serious because they're so incredibly retarded

No. 553533

>>553531
Wasn't that anon's point? To be pretty is to look "youthful and naive". There are even women in their 30s who look very young.

No. 553534

>>553533
>to be pretty is to be young
Lmao nah. There's a bunch of ugly young people. Me? I look way better as an adult than as a teen.

It's really not about the look. Men just like the feeling of defiling uncharted women who have been with no other men. Mostly because young women don't have the experience to know to dodge and reject these men.
Their youth is enticing because its exploitable, not pretty.

No. 553536

File: 1589386826622.gif (1.76 MB, 320x256, tumblr_o26ja9wvY91tbcweeo1_400…)

One of my coworkers was throwing up on our last shift and getting chills. Now (of fucking course) my schedule and everyone else's is completely changed because she has to self isolate after we are already understaffed. Our shift lead told her to go home but she didnt and now i'm paranoid she infected everyone on shift that day. I'm pissed because now everyone's hours are cut and i did a lot of closing shifts so i got a chill shift at the end of the day to clean up and take home any left over food. Now i'm working the weekend (busiest days) and will be stationed at the mobile order area and not allowed to move. I'm really pissed because i loved working on bar (coffee/starbucks) and now i'm trapped in one spot.

Why cant people just stay their asses home if they dont feel well??

No. 553537

>>553525
I feel super bad for anyone with allergies during this time. Feel better and hope you can get something to help soon, anon

No. 553538

>>553527
Understandable you want validation or attention, it's natural if not a little insecure, but the story you posted is gross.

Personally I do not find catcalling or aggressive flirting/creeping to be something I enjoy myself, but I understand the want of it to some degree. This story however is a really bad comparison though because the girl in the story is a minor. Those brother's friends are absolute pigs and whether the girl is entertaining their notions or not, what they are doing is disgusting.

I really hope you aren't underage anon.

No. 553540

>>553527
wtf. this makes me sad. A mother has to kept her son's male friends away because they are literally animals who keep hitting on his 14 year old sister. This is actually depressing, not enviable

No. 553541

>>553534
Ugly young people look old, and you probably look younger now than as a teen.

No. 553546

>>553541
Not true. I would say I also look better than I do now than I do as a teen due to more knowledge on grooming and skincare. I also know how to dress better than when I was a teenager. I was very young looking as a teenager. I'd say I still look youngish for my age but I definitely don't look like a teen anymore.

I think yes, men will creep on teens for the uncharted experience and easier goal, but you will still get creeped on in general because creepy men exist everywhere.

Working in retail from the ages of 19 to 30 I've experienced all sorts of disgusting men. With makeup on and without, looking dressed up/young and looking old/sick.
Yes there are ones who act creepy because the girl is pretty but sometimes I find it's more about the vulnerability. Some seem to give you more attention if you seem uncomfortable, almost like they sense weakness.

Tldr- It's not always age or attractiveness. It's usually the fact they are just pigs and you have a vagina.

No. 553547

>>553541
Or we could not complicate it more than need be. They're after her because she's underage, not because she's a model hot 14 year old.

No. 553568

>>553527
Are you actually so fucking deformed that you’ve never been sexually harassed? Kek you don’t have to be hot or 14. Sounds like tranny envy.(hi troon)

No. 553574

>>553568
>tranny envy
that's possible

No. 553581

File: 1589396165601.jpg (82.5 KB, 680x680, 43543156453454.jpg)

my mom was going to tidy up my brother's room a little bit to be nice while he was at work and found eight full piss bottles in there I want to scream. the bathroom is literally less than ten feet away. this is what fucking happens when you baby your youngest son and make your daughter pick up his slack his whole life. he's filthy, incompetent, and overconfident. I was already pissed at him because he's always fucking up and being annoying at the job I got him where we both work. I'm teetering between giving up entirely and telling everyone he knows about his piss bottles.

No. 553582

>>553458
Being a very early blooming female is literally hell. I was mocked and insulted and excluded by older women and some kids my age because I was very tall for my age as a child and had boobs etc which I don’t get why. I never got a real childhood at all it was so fucking miserable. And of course males too, old men looking at my chest if I dared to wear a tank top at age 10 and then my mother yelling at me for wearing it because she noticed him looking lol and 17 year old guys stalking me in their car every day when I was (I think unknowing to them) walking home from ELEMENTARY SCHOOL cause I looked like a 16 year old at age 11.

No. 553586

I am a software developer and am honestly so exhausted. I want to create good software with other people but those people are often men because of how common they are in the field. I have had to drop three projects this year because of their interactions eventually devolving into perusing me sexually and/or romantically. They know that I am unavailable yet they still pursue and make our time spent working together extremely uncomfortable. I am so tired of being treated like a sex/relationship dispenser. They really expect me to serve them sexually just because they are attracted to me. I literally just want to code and make cool things. I am wondering how I will ever get to do this when men are blocking my path with their dick in hand. I am honestly considering just going back to being a housewife. Now I understand why so many women are absent in tech. Its not because they are not smart enough or not interested enough. It is because of this predatory behavior being so widespread among male programmers. No woman should be subject to a man detailing his sexual fantasies or explaining how she was in his wet dream last night during a fucking code review. If I read one more unsolicited fetish list I am going to scream.

No. 553588

i know this will sounds dramatic, it's so minor because it didn't really happen irl, but it still bothers more than 10 years later, and ive never told this to anyone before.

>me, age 11

>joined the game smallworlds, because everyone else in my school class had an account
>mostly use it to chat with my friends in the evening and to decorate my own virtual house lol
>one day some guy i dont know starts talking to me in the game
>he asks me how old i am, i tell him 13, since you're not supposed to have an account under 13
>he says he's 32
>he starts constantly asking me if i want to sext him in game, like +50 messages a day
>eventually i give in
>he got me to meet him in his virtual house
>convinces me to get into his virtual hot tub
>he starts saying all these disgusting sexual things
>i feel disgusted and violated
>decide to exit the game immediately
>when i log on the next day, he left me an essay long message about how im a horrible cock-teasing whore and that people like me deserve to die
>never went back on smallworlds again

No. 553591

>>553588
It is a big deal but so many girls go through it that it’s downplayed I’m so sorry anon.

No. 553596

>>553588
that's definitely not minor. That's fucking disgusting and I hope that creep is in prison now. I'm sorry, anon.

No. 553603

>>553588
that would be extremely unpleasant for an adult woman, let alone a 11 year old. i hope you haven't encountered anymore creeps like this.

No. 553608

I really resent teens and young adults. Male and female. I am envious of their youth and having their whole life a head of them. I'm 30 and at my age the men look like shit, I'm expected to do boring shit like pop out a kid, life is just bleak as fuck.

I wish I could be 18 living a simple life of just hanging with my friends. Having a cute puppy love relationship with another boy my age.
I'm so bored of being an adult.

No. 553633

>>553608
Just because that's what is expected of you doesn't mean that's what you have to do tho. I know life is busy and hard, especially right now, but you're still young, dude. You can't just sit around and wait for life to stop being boring.

You can still get a cute puppy when places open back up, and you can even have virtual movie nights with friends with websites like Watch party and rabb.it.

No. 553636

>>553608

Were you a friendless loser with ugly ex at 18? lol Do you think you won't be exactly where you are now if given a do-over? Doubt it, people who have the will and desire to make the perfect do-over would just use that energy to elevate their life now.

Stop idealizing being a child so much. They have no money, no freedom, shit taste and are just terrible at relationships. They still have anxiety, expectation weighing on them, and they still get hurt by the world. 18 year olds too feel like their time is running out because they worry they won't be some successful career man/woman at 26 or some other juvenile idealism about adulthood that just sets them up for disappointment.

Just get your shit together. If you were a well adjusted 30yo woman with meaningful relationships, you'd feel that your life has just begun and it's the best part yet.

No. 553640

>>553636
ntayrt but thank you for wording this so perfectly. im 22 and sometimes wish i could just be older already and financially secure because my life right now is so stressful and filled with uncertainty that i don't feel like im enjoying my youth or making the most out of it

No. 553645

>>553636
i like the realism here. any advice for youngfags?

No. 553647

>>553636
There's literally no point in trying to "elevate your life" at 30 when you missed out on so much experience and carry such ridiculous baggage. If I were like anon at 30 I would kill myself kek.

No. 553651

I hate how much of my time is spent waiting on people to show up. Not friends but services, deliveries, appointments running late, a neighbour saying they'll drop by about something important

Just had a bunch of days in a row where I'm stuck waiting on things and people and it drives me nuts that I could've been relaxing if I knew every one of them would be stupidly late anyway. I just want to do shit like run a bath or maybe masturbate or get comfy and braless in my ugly looking pajamas but no I'm sat here expecting the doorbell to ring at any moment.

No. 553657

>>553636
Yes I was a friendless loser but times have changed. We didnt have tinder and shit back in my day, so it wasnt easy to meet the guys I like. My hobbies were also considered loser tier. I see what cute guys I can get on tinder and I get messages but theres no point becuz they're all too young and theres no chance doing anything other than weird sex.

No. 553658

>>553608
Who says you cant date younger men?

No. 553662

i was trapped in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship for 5 years. i've been out of it for over 3 years and i'm still all fucked up over it. i have horrible trust issues and i still don't feel like myself. i get super depressed and shut down emotionally if anyone mentions anything about my ex. i'm so over this shit and i just want to move on

No. 553670

I asked Sonic totem if I'll get lucky with my house hunting and I got quads on yes >>5511111

I did not get the house I wanted and I have to move soon. My country was in housing crisis before the coronavirus so I've a choice between mouldy studio shitholes and 4k+ insane luxury seaside condos. Why is adulting so impossible?

No. 553677

>>553670
The Sonic totem works in mysterious ways. Have faith anon.

No. 553679

I want a baby so bad but I'm only 21 and I'm still trying to get a nice job - which I will soon. It's my dream to have my own family. I just wish I could be a housewife but I don't like being financially dependent and it's not sustainable in this current economy. It sucks that we have to spend so much time away at work specially during those baby years.

No. 553682

File: 1589407564101.png (16.77 KB, 200x200, Steam_Logo.png)

The steam interface gives me panic attacks because i was groomed by a pedo on steam when i was 14.
I only buy games if they are avaliable on GOG, if not i pirate, i just can't fucking open steam anymore, it legit makes me want to vomit looking at it.

No. 553683

>>553682
damm we're in a similar situation. when I was 12 I used to like this anime character a lot and some 30something sickfuck groomer would send me hentai of that character a lot. I'm better now but I can't see that character without wanting to die kek
It's sad

No. 553684

>>553682
Try using steams "Big Picture" mode. Might be a little tricky to use and used to on PC because its meant for console and TV but thats the only way steams interface gets reformatted it seems.

No. 553685

>>553683

Sorry to hear it anon, I hope both of us can get over this shit.

>>553684

Might work if i REALLY want to support the dev, or crackers can't work around the DRM, even the color scheme makes me quite queasy tho.

No. 553687

I AM A RETARD WHO BUYS PS4 GAMES YET ENJOYS HANDHELD SHIT MORE, GIVE ME DBH ON SWITCH PLEASE, I AM SO ANNOYED.

No. 553689

>>553525
I'm so sorry anon!!! I have terrible allergies too (to literally everything pollen/ nature-related lol) and am so grateful that the clinic I get shots at is still open. I'm behind schedule and am about to be without insurance in a few months so I'm super worried about the shots getting too expensive because the US healthcare is bullshit, but for now I'm just grateful to be getting them while allergy season happens during the worst possible time to be looking remotely sick.

do you have enough allergy meds to get you through it in the meantime? my allergies fuck my sinuses up more than anything so if you're like me, nasal sprays like nasacort have been a godsend back before I got shots. also since I'm assuming you're in lockdown too, try taking advantage of being blocked from the outdoors and allergy-proof your place a little bit. my house is old and gets dusty easily and I felt a million times better when I took the day to deep clean, dust, and got a household anti-allergen spray. hang in there!

No. 553690

I am booboo the fool in all of my platonic and romantic relationships. I always put in more effort, I always go out of my way to do nice things, to respect boundaries, to make sacrifices and I NEVER.GET.ANYTHING.IN.RETURN.

If anything I am always the weakest link in a friend group/in a person's life.

No. 553706

>>553588
I swear only girls online go through this. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Men are literal trash cans and always blame women and young girls for their disgusting ways. Glad you got to vent about this

No. 553707

>>553354
worked a treat anon, thank you so much! used both and some pet spray/sanitiser and it's like it never happened. you're my hero

No. 553710

My doctors have suspected leukemia before and now they're doing a bone marrow test soon for this specific piece of shit bullshit, 20% chance of survival. And I'm sitting here freaking out (like I do occasionally) while my boyfriend sleeps peacefully. This sucks. I finally got back to a healthy weight and now I look like some plucky methhead since my skin turned very strange. Holy shit. I wish I could scream and kick my legs, or break expensive dishes with a hammer out in a big backyard. My cousin has it and we're being followed by the same doctor and I can't even stress how sick I've been. It's like the stomach flu for six weeks straight. I just need to babble and scream and I wish I could message my ex because I know he'd be better support, and that sucks too to admit. I wouldn't do it but I swear it crosses my mind eight times a day. I feel neglected and sad and I wish the pandemic was over so I could move home to be better loved. My time is worth more to them. I don't know.
I wish I could ignore how this feels but it's such a trap, I only leave for the hospital and feel like crap. Stacked crap. I hope there is a heaven. I really hope to anything that there is at least a room where I could hug my parents again when this mess is done with. I feel very hopeless and sad. My BMI would make an anorexic woman blush and I look like a fucking coat-tree. Tired and sunken, sweaty and always shaking. My shoes practically melt with sweat, my hands drip.
I don't want to die but I wish I could go on an extended leave. Log out of the main game but sit in the lobby. I'm selfish and angry, and I'm on a 2+year wait-list for therapy. I have misguided anger preventing me from seeing the light at the end of this tunnel. I feel like it's punishment for always saying "I wish this was something else."
I'm an ungrateful little shit. A worm. I eish my cats spoke english because I know they'd have very sweet things to say. I wish I didn't constantly piss myself like a senile old bat so I could go outside without the worst anxiety/fear about it. I wish I didn't puke so much or need IV treatment. At the same time I feel like I'm glad it's me so it's not on anyone else, but my cousin didn't deserve it either? It knocked her flat out of her fifth year of medical school and I have no idea how she's functioning. She does a lot better than I do.
Goddamn it'd be so nice to work again, even as a dusty cashier for walmart or a toilet scrubber. It would feel so nice. Rotting between the bathtub and the couch is no life. I wish I had never moved away from home. What a fucking mistake. I wish I had seen my friends before they moved away, but I couldn't. stop. puking. I just feel like these things are crushing me and hoped that mashing my keyboard would help. It kinda did because now I'm crying which feels nice.
I want to be more grateful and less guilty.

No. 553715

>>553710
I sincerely wish you'll be able to hug your parents, live with them and have so many good days ahead of you. You're not ungrateful and you nor your cousin deserved this, this shit is never fair. Not gonna say the usual "omg you're SOOOOO strong" because of course you are, you have to be and anyone else would be too, that's just very condescending to say, but you know you are strong anon. I mean this from the bottom of my heart: all the best.

No. 553716

my landlords are trying to force me out of my apartment this summer so they can use it for five weeks, but also desperately want me to move back in after they're done with it because I'm a great tenant. They've been awful since the beginning and I'm srsly considering moving during the pandemic as a high-risk individual just because I'm so sick of their shit. Also it's an illegal apartment so I'll be filing an official complaint with the zoning board once I am out just as one last fuck you, if I can't live here no one can.

No. 553719

My mom put one of our dinner’s side dishes into one of the two smaller bowls we have, and I grabbed the other to put my rice in, and suddenly my dad has a fucking freak out because now there’s no other smaller bowls (only slightly larger ones) for him to put the other side dish in… you fucking manchild just put it into another bowl!! what different does it make!!! you never do the dishes anyway!!! if it really fucking bothers you then move all of your piles of shit out from in front of the dishware drawer and grab another one of the same bowl out of there!! the kitchen sink has been leaking for a week and now water won’t even come out properly from the tap and this dumbass WONT FIX IT!!!

No. 553720

>>553527
Same, anon. I feel bad for women and girls who are harassed but I still feel weirdly envious because no one has ever been interested in me.

No. 553729

I wish I wasn't so obsessed with nostalgia all the time. I've had a horrible childhood and back then there were a lot of things that I formed an extreme emotional bond to and still to this day I cannot let them go or forget them. Whenever I see them I feel sad and I wish to be a little kid again. Sure, home life was bad back then but I'd rather be a kid and watching my favorite show than be a fully functioning adult who now knows how fucked up she really is. I feel like a retarded bitch for being like this because it's literally the same as those grown men who have an endless MLP obsession and are into children shows. I'm pretty old too.

No. 553731

I want a relationship SO FUCKING BAD

And I'm not here to hear a bunch of people tell me about how relationships just happen or they come when you least expect it or you can't just want a relationship because that's not healthy

FUCK THAT

I was talking to someone on hinge and it was going great but they started dropping hints that they were toxic (by which I mean they directly said they treated their last partner poorly and they don't really know what they are looking for on hinge). I said "haha, thanks for telling me" and honestly I just wanted to either block them or ask what happened just to make sure I wasn't in for something fucking awful, but I was nice to them.

WHAT THE FUCK

I thought she liked me because someone finally noticed that I'm a sweet, caring person who has TONS to offer but NOPE!!!! She probably only responded because she needs someone to talk to and doesn't actually want to be in a relationship. I should know better by now but I am so horrendously lonely and unloved.

I've been thinking about it and I feel that wanting a relationship is a lot like wanting children. It's not necessary, even though it kinda is–it's like a huge part of life and though a lot of people might not end up with it as their life comes to an end, they definitely have a lot of experience with it. It's okay to be upset that you don't have kids and it's okay to be selfish in wanting kids–nobody asks to be born, so you have to take it upon your self to put in the work to get there.

You know?
I dunno, it makes sense to me

Time to eat an entire frozen pizza

No. 553732

>>553729
If it helps, those people are into MLP for fetish reasons and not psychological reasons

No. 553733

>>553732
That is also true but… it still makes me feel very weird and like I'm one of those scummy DDLG or "ageplayers" who buy literal diapers and baby stuff because "it helps them age regress"

No. 553736

>>553720
You sound like a tranny who thinks getting catcalled is a good thing . Honestly, i dont know what to tell you, but unwanted attention and harassment from men is always gross. Work on your self esteem and stop seeking validation from men.

No. 553743

I mustered up the courage to give my number to my coworker who I have a huge crush on and according to rumors, liked me too. They took my number but have not texted me yet (its been over five hours). I cannot shake the feeling of rejection end idiocy, I wish I never gave my number. So stupid.

No. 553748

>>553743
Did they seem excited to get it? They could be trying to play it cool. Are they still working?

No. 553751

>>553527
What an excellent Dad, he's definitely not the asshole in this story.

No. 553756

>>553736
Honestly, this
You don't have to be hot to get catcalled, you just have to be female and under the age of 50

and it's not like all catcalling remarks are even compliments

No. 553757

>>553657
I mean all the guys of all agea are weird now cause of porn, you should ask some young women about their experiences (it's all extremely weird stuff)

However you can totally date younger men, men do not care at all about a woman's age as long as you look good.

No. 553758

>>553756
Saying things like
>you just have to be female and under the age of 50
is exactly why some girls worry about not being catcalled, it reinforces that they must be utterly deformed if it's not happening to them too, even if it's not a good thing to happen.

It's not a universal experience, some places just don't have a big catcalling culture.

No. 553759

File: 1589427072465.png (306.69 KB, 370x505, D166E5D7-D1A0-4E32-9D36-38965C…)

I’ve literally never had the desire to be famous until a few months ago and it’s almost comically childish how I’ve started daydreaming about being some cutesy actor type that becomes America’s sweetheart. I think it’s just because I want validation and financial stability, especially right now, and that being famous would truly be awful and that I’d find no fulfillment in it. I also really try and tell myself that a lot of people who have become successful are only in that position because of a shitton of luck, or money, or both.

No. 553763

>>553758
I saw a comment about high femininity in the goth thread on snow, and that's basically the only ingredient. Long hair, light hair, dress/skirt/shorts, shapely/slim body, feminine face, if you have one or two of these traits you will get catcalled at some point.

It just makes me feel unsafe rather than flattered uwu, it's still harassment even if it's ostensibly friendly.

No. 553766

>>553763
I'm sure that exacerbates it but imo it's more about being in the right place at the right time. What country/city you live in, where you go in public, how often you go out, the demographics in that area, the time of day, etc. It's almost a statistical thing - how often are you in front of groups of men who want to show off for each other and feel comfortable being idiots in public?

No. 553772

>>553501
>>553500
>>553474
>>553488

paranoid OP here, thank god I'm not alone lol. I feel a lil better now knowing that a. no one cares enough about me irl to stalk me that hard or guess that an anon is me, and b. I don't even post anything problematic enough for admins to doxx me or for anyone to see me as some monster

still gotta learn to like, keep some shit to myself tho

No. 553795

>>553581
update: my mom yelled at ME for it for "embarrassing him" by talking to him about it (didn't even confront him or get mad or anything, just texted him when he was coming home from work to warn him that she'd found them) and then tried to say that I'm "just as bad" because I don't always wash my dishes?? Apparently leaving a dish in the sink overnight is just as gross and lazy as having a weeks worth of stagnant piss in your bedroom? Obviously it's still a bad habit but what the fuck. My mother is setting him up for fucking failure. Also she cleaned his room and fucking organized his piss bottles for him.

No. 553799

My job is a lot. I feel I am far too competent in a lot of aspects, but in others I feel entirely useless. I am on a “casual” contract, so I am basically neither important or worthy of anything which just feels into the entirely useless and worthless side of things.

I feel like if I communicate with my higher ups, I am obnoxious and pushing buttons. If I don’t communicate my every move, I get questions about what I am doing.
I work in a prestigious University, but they’re pretty shit for the most part. The way they treat their students is just sad, especially given so many of them grow up wanting to study there.

I am tired, and I am confused. I just want to do good at my job, and transfer into a higher position so I can try and implement change. But really, I don’t think any of them care to change. They just want money, and more than that - they want money from international students.

No. 553800

>>553647
Sorry your life is so bleak and mind so weak you think like this. I wish you all the best.

No. 553808

>>553581
>>553795
Why the hell does he keep bottles full of his own piss? How is that even a thing?

No. 553810

>Make friends with friend of bf at college, he seems cool at first
>He's a woke Berniebro but that's ok I guess
>Rants about politics to me all the time, I don't enjoy it but I'll tolerate it for friendship
>Starts going off at me whenever I say something vaguely 4chan-ish or unwoke, and constantly talks about "smashing the fash" and punching nazis and stuff like that
>Acts like needs to explain oppression and social justice to me when he's a white guy and I'm a brown chick
>He changes conversations topics to be about himself whenever someone brings up a related topic
>He keeps joking about a threesome with me and my bf, and getting touchy with both me and him
>Outright asks me why I'm not with him instead of my BF
>Decides to go full troon and now spends all day whining about dysphoria and how he wants a pussy
I fucking hate this man so much. Ever since he trooned out the rest of my college friends have decided to go "oh, poor precious baby, we love and accept you so much!" and I am beyond sick of it. He treats me like I'm some sort of intellectual inferior and yells at me so much I'm afraid to talk to him now, cause I don't want to hurt his tranny fee-fees and have him go off on me again.

No. 553811

>>553808
never underestimate the absolute lows men go to out of sheer laziness and lack of responsibility, fucking revolting a woman would never.

No. 553812

>>553581
>>553795
tell everyone what disgusting piece of shit he is and fuck your mother for enabling his abhorrent behaviour. fuck men

No. 553813

im so fucking angry my mother made the dish that ive been asking my dad to make (because hers is fucking shit) and she used up the chicken for her fucking shitty flavourless bland meal. i am so fucking angry ive been looking forward to this, the dumb cunt i cant wait for her to drop dead. so fucking sick of her stupid shit and her being home all the time, horrible woman with no regard for anyone. i need to move out of this hellhole

No. 553819

>>553813
makw it yourself you ungrateful little shit

No. 553823

>>553812
>>553808
>>553811
thanks, anons, I feel somewhat validated. I was starting to wonder if I really WAS being an irrational harpy, which is absurd because I'm not even an emotional person – my mom was the one who freaked out and showed me the piss bottles, and I basically said "well, have fun with that, I need to get ready for work". I'm honestly even a pretty understanding person when it comes to people wallowing in their own filthy bc I had a friend who kept piss bottles for a while when he was horribly depressed and literally couldn't muster the strength to leave his bed most days. Hell, I used to piss in a trash can which I would then empty into a sink because in college I had my own sink in my dorm, but had to share a bathroom (shower + toilet) with another girl who would FREQUENTLY fuck her creepy tinder dates in there, and I often had nowhere else nearby where I could pee at like three in the morning.\

But neither of those situations apply to him because a) I can't know my brother's exact mental state but he gets up to go to work five days a week and also goes out with his friends with no problem, so clearly he can muster the energy to piss, and b) he lives with just me and my mom and we have TWO bathrooms! There is literally always somewhere to piss on the same floor as his bedroom.

It just blows my mind that HE does something stupid and disgusting and now I'M the one that has to emotionally coddle him? My mom refuses to believe that her high standards for me (compared to my brother) are clearly what led to us turning out so different and she just keeps insisting "he's my son I know what's best for him and he has different needs!"

No. 553828

>>553731
late reply but: don't take every conversation on dating apps so seriously. you have to be in it enough to have a nice conversation and eventually a date but don't get your hopes up like that.
i texted while keeping in mind that people often ghost for "no reason"; you're kinda lucky she at least let you know what's up.
you'll find the right person randomly; i had like 20 failed conversations/dates total before i met my boyfriend and deleted the app within 2 weeks of knowing each other. chill dude

No. 553833

>>553819
go fuck yourself fag

No. 553835

>>553833
nta but i am in love with you

No. 553836

>>553833
As someone with a rough relationship with my mom I can actually feel your rage anon

No. 553847

Why do I have to suffer from agonizing chronic pain while dumb bitches like Selena Gomez trash their bodies for fun and turn out fine in the end

No. 553856

>>553836

There's the one anon who literally got trashed by her mom for not washing her dishes while it's okay for her brother to piss in bottles and keep them in his room and this little piss baby cries about a bland dish, what's up

No. 553859

sorry, it overlapped the thread bump but, in response to

>>550333

I ( >>550332 ) am definitely not being inconsiderate to feel uncomfortable and irritated at her?

No. 553867

>>553461
I have this concern a lot with older things I've posted, especially on /cgl/. I started switching up little details some years back to be less obviously me in the theoretical situation that someone who knew me were to see. Although, I highly doubt anyone I know IRL would ever go on here or /cgl/, since I have no friends who are into cosplay, lolita, or internet cringe enough to wander in. You never know, though.

No. 553868

>>553847
… anon, Selena Gomez had to have a kidney transplant.

No. 553876

>>553868
nta but she still keeps fucking up her body even after that, allthough i realise that she is a weird pick to choose to be jealous over health wise

No. 553877

I hate having blepharitis so. fucking. much. I hate that I can't wear makeup like a normal person an I loath how fucking ugly it looks. The skin on my right is inflamed, scaly and I can't even fucking cry because the tears make my lower eyelid sting due the cracked skin.

I woke up today with my right eye almost swollen shut and burry vision but thankfully cold compress helped a bit. It looks normal but it still hurts a bit. So far none of the doctors even want to look into it since it can't be cured, they just trow some shitty eye wipes or cream at me and that's about it. I tried to get tested for possible allergies since my eye has been acting up but it gets chalked up as blepharitis. I'm so tired of this shit. So, so, so tired.

No. 553882

>>553856
NTA this is the vent thread, not the "expose all my life details for this one post" thread. stop assuming shit based on one post retard

No. 553883

I want to do something illegal just for the attention it would bring. I won't, but my life is so boring and like I'm not even real? I feel like I'm a ghost.

No. 553884

File: 1589466246230.gif (478.57 KB, 500x220, party.gif)

>>553883

Why don't you go out and party a bit after this corona shit show is over, becoming a party girl basically fixed that ghostly feeling for me.

No. 553890

>>553883
What do you mean the attention it would bring? The point of doing illegal things like drugs or whatever is not really bringing attention to it except the others who partake of course. So from my experience there's a different kinda "ghost" aspect of it.

But by all means agree with anon above: when corona calms down try to get out there and have a good time if that's something you want to experience. Be safe though.

No. 553892

>>553890
the attention it would bring from people.. like a whole case dedicated to you? People interviewing you? Maybe making the news? I'd never do anything violent but the only thing that stops me from breaking into someones house just for the thrill of it, to feel something different, is the disappointment I know it would bring my dad. I know this sounds really 2edgy5me.. but yeah. I just want someone to pay attention to me. This corona thing means nothing to me. I've been a hermit recluse since I was 14. Nothing in my life has changed since this stupid "pandemic. "

No. 553896

Why the fuck do I worry if my boyfriend's friends find me hot? I wouldn't want to fuck them and I'm not attracted to any of them but for some reason it's unreasonably important to me that they think I'm fuckable. I'm disgusted with myself.

No. 553899

Im getting so desperate with the obvious fact that I wouldn't be able to get a job and continue studying that I'm thinking of ripping off "kawaii" patterns and making them a little more mature to sell on rb, I know it's extremely shitty to do but this is my last semester and i dont want it to forever

No. 553900

>>553896
kinda same. when my boyfriend told me he showed my pictures to a few of his curious close friends, i asked what they thought of me, hoping they'd say "woah" or "you're lucky" or something.
i don't actually care but…i kinda do.

No. 553901

>>553810
Girl. why are you friends with a tranny?

No. 553906

File: 1589474298358.jpg (5.98 KB, 269x227, 53652940_2265519757022580_7169…)

I have a friend and the more I hang out with her the more retarded I realize she is. On a daily basis, I find myself having to take deep breaths over the stupid shit she says. She is a nice person, but it's like she lacks critical thinking skills. Like nobody taught her how to think.

>fully accepts anyone who is trans and doesn't question or care about risks involved with transgenderism/transitioning

>doesn't believe transtrenders are real and that it's transphobic to say so
>likes DissociaDID and truly believes the shit she says
>hates anything related to science and chooses to believe in dumb ass shit like astrology instead

I don't care that she has shit taste in stuff or that we don't always have a lot in common, but the fact that she continuously disregards facts, choosing instead to go the least offensive or passive thing, pisses me off so much. I just don't get how someone can go through life like that.

No. 553908

>>553906
ah whatever. why get het up over stupid people? if you don't like her don't talk to her. she is what she is

No. 553915

my bf prefers to scroll through reddit rather than talking to me

No. 553920

Ordered a sex toy and after a few weeks I'm already bored of it and have gotten altogether used to the sensation. It sucks. I get nothing from penetration unless it's from a partner, and I'm so hard to satisfy sometimes with vibrators.

No. 553921

Sometimes I wonder why people can’t be nice with me when I’m only nice to them, nothing else. Some friend long time ago told me not to change the way I am, she was kind of worried about me because she was saying how it seems my heart is made of gold and that she wouldn’t want me to get hurt and now I get it. People takes kindness for granted, I never insulted anyone, I always try to put myself at other people’s shoes, even when I think differently, I try to make them feel understood and validated and not only I don’t get the same thing in return, it feels like they don’t even care at all.
I could disappear for two weeks straight and nobody would even notice, I changed the way I talked, they way I answered, even when I felt like it was the last thing I wanted to do, I always tried to be there for the people I care about.
And then they don’t care at all. My bf makes some mean comments about me and the worst of it it’s he’s doing it without realising how much he hurts me. Same goes to my best friend. My closest friend, the one who has known me the longest in my life, doesn’t even realise how much impact her words have in my life.
And I get that I shouldn’t care too much, that I should life my own life, basically it’s what I’m doing these days, I feel like I’m losing my personality, what made me kind now feels like it turns me into a bitter person and I didn’t want to lose that, because deep down I always thought it doesn’t cost anything to be nice, being kind is free and it hurts the most when it comes from people who I deeply care about.
Basically I was just thinking why for some people it’s hard to be….nice. To think about others. It reminds me of that girl from the mean girls movie but it’s true, my mind just can’t comprehend it.

No. 553922

>>553921
Some people just don't value niceness, their brain is from another world lol

No. 553926

>>553921

Honestly, the world is full of assholes. Don't let it get you down. You'll eventually find people who will better reciprocate your energy and attentiveness.

No. 553929

>>553915
either he doesn't love you or takes you for granted. break up.

No. 553931

>>553921
some people say things without thinking about it. it's a basic human flaw. learn to stand up for yourself; if there's no complaining then there's no problem.

No. 553936

>>553921
>My bf makes some mean comments about me and the worst of it it’s he’s doing it without realising how much he hurts me. Same goes to my best friend. My closest friend, the one who has known me the longest in my life, doesn’t even realise how much impact her words have in my life.

This is the real issue, OP. You're not surrounding yourself with people who have similar values. Some people simply don't value niceness and don't go out of their way to empathize with others. That's just how some people are.

That being said, if your strongest bonds are with people you aren't compatible with in this way, that's a huge problem. I'd say it's not worth it to care if these were people you didn't have to interact with often, but that's a huge deal if it's your boyfriend and closest friends.

>And I get that I shouldn’t care too much, that I should life my own life, basically it’s what I’m doing these days, I feel like I’m losing my personality, what made me kind now feels like it turns me into a bitter person and I didn’t want to lose that, because deep down I always thought it doesn’t cost anything to be nice, being kind is free and it hurts the most when it comes from people who I deeply care about.


Yeah, no. That's complete bullshit. Your emotions are there for a reason, anon. They're informing you that something is deeply wrong, because something IS deeply wrong. Your feelings aren't likely to change simply because your values and lifestyle clash so heavily with those who you've formed your closest bonds with. This is definitely a problem if you literally feel like you're losing a sense of who you are. That is a big flashing danger sign that you're not being true to yourself by surrounding yourself with like-minded people.

No. 553958

I really want a hug. A proper hug, ideally from the guy I was dating before lockdown but from my mum or a friend would work too. I’ve just been feeling so touch starved and this week it’s really got me feeling low. I miss touching people, I feel so isolated in this fucking flat all alone.

No. 553963

File: 1589492963772.png (179.9 KB, 275x269, 1586315145614.png)

I want to be fucked senseless all the time. But I know the only reason I want it is because I'm so emotionally hollow and it's not healthy at all. I wish I could have healthy relationships with people and myself but I never will.

No. 553967

I do not wanna say this on an account with my name attached but god I’m recalling some horrible trauma. My incontinent 7 year old violent friend didn’t have the nicest dad. Surprise. I wasn’t triggered for a long time until I started reading about child abuse. Why didn’t my mom fucking protect me? I love her but I feel sick

No. 553972

>>553921
Please don't let other people's cruelty take away your genuine kindness, anon, it's the best trait a person can possibly have, seriously. I struggle with the same shit but I think what helps me stay so nice and still be real about that niceness is that I'm lucky the people closest to me are either also super kind, or they appreciate me for never being mean and being sort of a light spot in their life. I struggle with some severe depression so hearing friends tell me that I cheer them up brings me a lot of joy. sometimes I worry that being too empathetic allows me to be taken advantage of by others, but I still think you should cherish your ability to empathize and love, not to sound cheesy but there is truly not enough of that in this shit world

i hope you can find people who love your ability to love, and if you feel that your important people aren't appreciating it I would try to communicate that worry with them. if they really love you they'll take your concerns seriously. like another anon said, your emotions are valid and you should never let other people make you feel like you're not allowed to be yourself!

No. 553974

Ughhh. Rant/vent because I’m a coward and pussy. My boyfriend is lame. He’s not a bad person but he’s so fucking boring. For the longest time I thought i had sexual issues because of past trauma. But now I realize it’s because he doesn’t do anything. He literally just strips and lays on his back on the bed.

Also it seems like I can’t do anything by myself without him getting upset. Like I wanted to take a walk to the store and back while he was taking a bath. Cue awkward silence and frustrated, short sentences. I figure most people would go “oh okay! Be safe!” And go about their business. But god forbid I don’t want to do something with him. This stay at home order has me going crazy. I am sick of being in the same room as him. Fuck.

No. 553975

>>553967
It's safe to talk to a therapist about this anon. It will help make sense of what has been supressed for so long

No. 553977

I told my mom that the reason why I hate my sister is because she walked in on me cutting myself and attempting suicide when we were younger and simply slagged me off by calling me stupid. Her response was
>WeLl DiD yOu TeLl HeR hOw ThAt MaDe YoU FeEl?
Huh?? No, probably because I expected her to have basic levels of empathy and not an almost sociopathic disregard for my mental health. I hate it here.

No. 553978

>>553795
we share the same mom. my mom got mad at me for not making diner for my brother after an 8 hrs work shift while he was sitting in his room the whole day. Mind you, he was 18 at that time and he could've made himself a sandwich but nooo it's expected from me because I have a pussy

No. 553979

>>553833
learn to cook yourself and stop being 18.

No. 553982

mt mental health team discharged me saying there was nothing they can do to help me. At themoment my life is a mess. So that felt like a punch in the GUT! They tried to pay hot potatotoe I actually went to those places and it was NOT suitable. My last mental health nurses ( there is always 2 of them) just want to have small talk,no interest i my mental health. I got beat up, they changed the subject, a close family member died, I cried, next time I saw them never asked about the funeral how I was doing etc. At times they literally took me down to a coffee place and bought me a coffee and they both chatted to men, it felt odd. Then I heard a new team, At first the Manager seemed to be interested, then he did a u turn, the woman that was with him was eiterh Autistic or just a rude bitch, she was a social worker, I said I liked Abimals she said " become a vet" I said I wanted my driving licence back " well we can't give you a driving licence",i said I wanted to work " well we can;t give you a job", she walk out without saying goodbye or looking back, sit there in her own world, once when I tried to talk to her she cut me off and turned her head and walked away it was SO rude. Her Boss was there and he said nothing to her. The Boss seemed to be really interested in helping me at first then he talked to Dr " you upset my colleague 14 years" who has made it clear that she hates me, and because I complained what I FEMALE patient said, she admited yes she said those words, but i took them out of context, I am not sure how you can put " I can understand why no wants anything to do with you" " You can be such a horrible person" " you sand completly mad" " I don't think you have BPD, you have a deeply flawed personality but you don;t match the symptoms" " I have wondered if you may be sociopath" I saw that renowned osych twice a week and I was brain washed. i started avoiding people i case they thought I was horrible. within a year I had no one i my life, she got frustrated and said there was nothing to work with. I get the feeling in order to have therapy i have to get myself a boyfriend and friends and get into conflict , then I can get help, getting harmed my strangers, they see that as apolice matter, sexual assault ( noever mentioned again, someone trying to burn down my house never spoke again, even though I have trouble sleeping, oh my name and addresss in some sex workers site, i hate men coming to visit me , not talked about, my facebook seem to get raided over night, they changed the subject. One man stalked me, I gave him a false name, no address, he managed to find out my full name, addy, took a pick of my house and made threats, I was asked how I met him whe I said FB, they daid hmm you mentioned FB before maybe shut down your FB and other social media accounts! As for me not drinking, eating, washing Autismo social worker well how do you expect us to help with that! So I am allowed to apopeal my discharge, but I have a feeling, they will just say the same thing. it is like the main manger said to them she was complained about x 13 years ago, do not engage just trivilize her issues so she will get fed up making the journey jus tot talk for 40 mins" - I don;t know what therapist want of me? t last therpast seemed to be annoyed I was a BPD person that did not self harm, or form atttachments with people and split etc. I don't feel strongly about people I dont like conflict, so there was nothig my poysh could worj on,

No. 553987

>>553982

Nice pasta.

No. 553988

I want to cry. I'm on my 3rd medication to try and deal with my newly diagnosed severe ADHD ( I have had this for a long, LONG time but never was diagnosed bc I thought it was my other disorders acting up)
I'm in a really bad one, I have bad fatigue, pressure feelings, impulsive thoughts, and flashing images of how I want to hurt myself and how it'd look.


I feel so stupid anyway. I'm already diagnosed with several other disorders, this being the third of being in the severe side of things. I feel like such a fuckup. I had a pretty bad childhood so I know that that's just… the average outcome of it. I just feel like such a fucking burden on my family, I'm almost sure what I need to be on is a stimulant and it feels like I've hit such a bad end having to be put on one of those, especially because my dad thinks I don't need all these pills, especially not stimulants ( "Next they're gonna make you take fucking adderal, aren't they? - him)

I want to die and restart. I hate feeling like my boyfriend has to take care of me. I hate the feeling that my parents are so troubled over the fact they raised me to be like this. I want to be a normal person so bad and not be a fucking adult that hasn't really progressed mentally since I was like 17.

No. 553999

>>552408
I LEGITIMATELY think it comes from anime/japanese even thinking, about how like, girls after 20 are absolute hags who need to only pay attention to their rent.

No. 554002

>>553999

Bitch is this racebait? We're gonna ignore the metric ton of media romanticizing fetishizing sexualizing high school and teenagers in the west for the past 50 years?

No. 554004

>>552408
Same. I see many women 25+ and even younger often have no interests other than buying boring looking shoes and watching tv. My mum scoffs even has the nerve to scoff at people who do creative things to pass the time, meanwhile all she does is watch crappy tv shoes, eating massive plates of meat, drink bear and snore really loudly. I hate how many women are just complete and utter pickmes to the point that they allow themselves to be boring empty husks of human beings. I'm still going to wear dolly dresses and play video games for as long as I feel like it because I refuse to be miserable.

No. 554014

>>552408

I turned 26 the other month and you're spot on. To be honest, I'm looking forward to my thirties in a way. It's a NEW chapter and you're still growing. Sure, babies may happen in my 30s and that is exciting. A new job role, a new house or even working abroad. More money in a good position. You get wiser.

And some of the dudes I have dated have been in their thirties. More understanding (not always), good lovers, know how to please. Don't want to play games and if you mesh, they CAN commit. That's what a woman wants. Sure, 20 something boys, cute. But majority mess around.

Some of my female friends are in their thirties and they say life has just began for them.

So let the kids laugh because at the end of the day, age will catch up anyway. They won't be 18 forever. No one is young forever.

No. 554015

>>552966

I feel the same anon. I wish he would just use a fucking rubber but he says IT DOESnt FeEl RiGhT

why do us women gotta suffer

No. 554016

>>553988
lol i think i have adhd and was thinking about how if would be, trying meds and dreading to keep cycling through shit till i find something that works. godspeed anon on finding medication that works for you!

have you read books about female ADHD? sari solden's women with adhd might help you feel better/have a better perspective. i'm reading it right now.

No. 554017

>>552418

Idgaf

I will still love anime and animal crossing and shit at 37 years old with a full time job, husband and a kid

No. 554018

>>554002
Not that anon but it's obviously not racebait. Saying that Japan might have been the biggest influence doesn't mean the West never does this.
Admittedly, high school is an overwhelmingly prevalent setting and teenagers are by far the most common age group in anime. Compare this with popular western shows, where characters will most often be in their late 20s or 30s. Stuff like Friends or HIMYM comes to mind. Youth is still idealized in the West, but it's usually not literal 16 year olds that are portrayed as the hottest shit. Much less the concept of desirable lolis, which pretty much doesn't exist in popular media outside of Japan.

No. 554019

>>554018
Wtf are you talking about. The west is NOTORIOUS for portraying high schoolers as sex fiend jail baits.

No. 554021

>>554019

cough Cheerleaders

No. 554022

>>553003
Libfems think of everything on an individual level and don't get class analysis. Think of it as empowering != liberating. Makeup and nudity have material benefits for women. Wearing makeup is seen as positive and even expected in some jobs. A few women can make a lot of money and enjoy doing "sex work", but most want out because they're abused and traumatized. Good for individual women, but bad as a whole for women as these things become expected.

No. 554031

Can I be honest

Although this looks cool, surely consuming this must fuck you up? Also she eats glitter and all other sorts of shit. Edible but the amount of food colour this woman consumes is freaky

No. 554043

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I went to the store with my bf, and he was gonna pick up alcohol for himself, I ended up asking "are you going to drink that tonight..?" and he was like, "probably, you can have some." I got really… upset and reminded him that I can't just have one, I don't work like that, and if I only have one while he drinks the rest, I'll admittedly break down. He got huffy and was like "Fine. You know what, I'm not gonna get it." and stayed silent for a little while after.

I feel really bad but… I don't know what he expected. He's also brought me to liquor stores and said nothing while I buy myself alcohol, then got INCREDIBLY mad at me when I got drunk. I know it's entirely on me and it's my fault I even did/do that but it feels like he's just setting me up to do things.

No. 554044

>>553736
>>553756
Anons that's kind of harsh. I did have a man interested in me when I was prepubescent, I guess you are saying that counts? I meant as a teen or now as an adult, some sort of attention from a man would be nice, I would be flattered if someone whistled or catcalled as long as they didn't harass me and frighten me after that. Why does that make you so angry and defensive? If what anon says is true, and all you have to be is under age 50 and female, well I must be truly deformed because I haven't had it happen.

No. 554046

>>554044
>Why does that make you so angry and defensive?
being catcalled is a terrifying experience. what else is there to say.

No. 554047

>>554043
Thats awful anon, honestly he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend at all, blaming you for something that its technically his fault (imo if you buy drugs or alcohol with an addict in the same space, thats totally on you if they relapse) is such a red flag, I hope you consider breaking up for your own health and recovery.

No. 554049

> guy I know has decided to take on an artist persona, creates shitty songs that consist of whining about girls
> doesn't know how to sing, produce music or play an instrument so he pays other people to do the work while he just adds himself talking or singing on top of it
> it's never good or cohesive
> constantly promotes his shit as if he should be famous by now

This weird entitlement he has pisses me off. I guess it takes work writing shitty lyrics to paste over other people's work, and he does make cringe music videos… but that's not enough to expect fame. It's so cringe that he continues to post stories demanding people to get him to thousands of listens, to share it and buy his merch. Yes, he has merch. He has even complained that nobody has bought any. He has even paid someone to create a tiktok dance for one of his songs. You go viral if you actually make something good, I just hate how he takes on this entitlement when he knows nothing about music.

No. 554055

>>554044
>If what anon says is true, and all you have to be is under age 50 and female, well I must be truly deformed because I haven't had it happen.
see >>553766
Catcalling is harassment.

No. 554056

>>554043
What a dick, he clearly doesn't understand how important recovery is

No. 554062

I’m getting hella annoyed hearing my boyfriend say “I’m bored” and moping around. I’m sick of reading between the lines. Read a fucking book bro. Stop saying one thing and clearly meaning another. I’m not doing this shit. You’re bored go fucking do something or communicate better. Yes I’m ignoring that bullshit.

No. 554070

>>553835
>>553836
>>553882
thank you <3 <3 i s2g every time i post here some faggot gives me shit. i have no friends (therefore no one to vent to and no way to feel cared about) so it really affects me (even though i know its just dumb imageboard shit.) thank you for your kindness it really helped, i hope you guys are doing well and wish you the best

No. 554075

File: 1589521403334.jpeg (357.24 KB, 2144x1397, download (2).jpeg)

>>554031
just make some agar agar dessert jelly smh

No. 554077

>>553267
sounds like jude bishop

No. 554079

I think I might be falling in love with my therapist. I don't want to tell him though because I want to keep getting therapy from him and I don't want to make it awkward or have him hand me over to another therapist.

No. 554081

>>554043
he wants you to act normal without understanding that you simply can't act normal around alcohol. doesn't sound like he actually cares.

No. 554082

>>554079
you're probs just excited someone listens to your or something. hence the therapy

No. 554083

>>554079
This is a very common phenomenon called transference and therapists are trained to deal with it. You should discuss it with him

https://www.verywellmind.com/help-ive-fallen-in-love-with-my-therapist-2337585

No. 554094

File: 1589528787957.png (101.13 KB, 1360x816, Screenshot.png)

I was watching some old Marilyn Monroe videos and pic attached is a screenshot of one of the comments and the replies it got.
Maybe too much porn has rotted men's brains because I don't know how they can make such a leap in logic to interpret the song that way. Men growing cold to women as women grow older is suddenly mean to men and trying to override men's rights. It's amazing how you cannot even make a harmless comment how women have it bad without men having to pitch in and say how they have it worse when they clearly don't.

No. 554100

I tried to kill myself Wednesday night and I just feel really dumb. I went back to sleep right after we got home from the stupid treatment center the nurses tried to force me in to. My boyfriend went to sleep as soon as I woke up. I feel so alone and exhausted and stupid. Everyone wants me to go to a psychiatrist to get put on medication but I'm scared. Everyone says "I'm glad you weren't successful" but I don't feel that way. Fuck my life. Fuck myself.

I bet I have covid now too and gave it to like 5 people. There were people dying and struggling to breathe in the ER and people wailing I guess after being told their family or friends just died. It was weird.

No. 554104

File: 1589533112695.gif (89.46 KB, 220x165, 6546546468.gif)

>>554100
anon i'm sorry I don't know what to say. I'm just so sorry. I've had the temptation but never attempted and the fact that you tried rips my heart out. I wish you healing and one day I hope you're able to feel joy again – the sudden kind, like light flashing off the scales of a fish before it disappears under the water again. Good luck, anon!

No. 554108

My friend falls for the most horrid man children. The pattern goes

>friend breaks up with a man child

>cries for like two weeks until i get a message
>"anon i just found the greatest guy!"
>they start dating
>the guy treats my friend like a mother he can fuck
>the guy is either a neet, a functioning alcoholic or your typical mom's basement dweller
>the guy is seemingly nice at first
>starts using my friend as maid who cooks, cleans and even fills out important paper work for him
>starts getting nastier towards my friend like checking out other women and comparing them to my friend
>if the guy isn't butt ugly, cheats on her
>"i know he's rough around the edges, anon, but once he gets his life together it'll all work out! I think he might be the one uwu"
>two years into dating either my friend is coaxed to break up with him by her friends and family or the guy leaves her for some other naive idiot
>if it doesn't work out with naive idiot #2 they might end up together for two months until they break up for good
>rinse and repeat

At this point I'm done giving her relationship advice when she asks because I know she won't listen to me, but it still hurts seeing my beautiful, normally intelligent friend fall for these sewer trolls. I don't know if it's because she has never been in an actual healthy relationships or if she's a magnet for these kinds of guys. I want to tell her to spend at least one year single before getting into a new relationship so she can figure out what she actually wants but like I said, she won't listen to me so what's the point.

No. 554125

>>554100
Hey anon, I know most of the things people are now saying and doing to comfort you sound absolutely pointless and stupid and you wish that you were successful and people would be better off without you.

You have to understand that your brain is currently working through a filter that challenges, discredits and destroys anything that potentially puts you in a good light. Nothing is blank and white, and you are not a bad person. You just need help and you have people around you who will help you.

I really felt the resentment and hatred you have towards yourself. You are not making the world a worse place, you are not an oil spill in the middle of an crystal clear ocean. You are depressed. Even though we are going through a pandemic, the world has not stopped on its axis. Other problems still exist.

Do not be hard on yourself. You need to get yourself fixed. It will pass.

No. 554133

File: 1589539641546.jpeg (245.28 KB, 595x601, 602231B2-E59D-42F2-AB78-6CA9FA…)

my boyfriend used to be a SIMP. I mean he was cheesy and unslick as hell, he tried getting with almost every girl in town and now he’s with me and I feel like shit. Am I easy?? Oh my god it hurts because I’m in love with him but he used to call really ugly girls beautiful and send them paragraphs, and we live in such a small town fml I feel like one of his desperate conquests. Idk reconsidering the whole relationship

No. 554135

>>554133
By the way, we’re in a serious relationship. Omfg I’m gonna cry, am I over exaggerating

No. 554138

>>554133

love yourself anon. I think if you feel that insecure about your relationshp maybe it's a good idea to spend time on your own, make some goals, get some hobbies and build some self confidence

No. 554139

>>554133
I don't actually understand this at all
Your issue is that your bf publicly owned how he flirted with girls before you, rather than secretly sliding into their DMs on the dl, and because he called "ugly" girls beautiful?
Stop listening to memes

No. 554141

>>554133
My boyfriend is a SIMP but I'm the only girl he's ever simped this hard though. I did a lot of autistic research into his dating history and he's had a few flings, but I'm only his second serious relationship and it's already been some good years.

No. 554142

File: 1589541448443.jpg (44.21 KB, 720x688, 50g3p3jas0z31.jpg)

I feel like I wasted my time on the internet doing nothing while everyone else was doing something more useful like reading, practising their hobbies, making friends, watching movies and shows, learning languages, improving skills they already have… or something as stupid as gaining followers while I didn't gain anything significant, my days pass without doing not a thing as little as watching an episode of a tv show, I'm not good at anything and all my skills and social life is way behind.
I'm stuck doing nothing and everyone else is going on with their lives.
I wake up and tell myself that I'm doing something today but the days goes by and I get nothing done it's tiring. I want to get things done I want to read, I want to draw, I want to learn about things I'm interested in, I want to learn new languages, I want to gain new skills, I've been in quarantine for more than two months and I did absolutely nothing… it's not too late to get something done but I'm regretful for the years and years I lost doing nothing.

No. 554143

>>554133
How long ago was this?

No. 554147

>>554142
Wtf this image reminds me of Morrowind npcs
I don't know how to help you but I know how you feel. Try drawing something or reading a book or just write down your thoughts on paper, and turn off your phone/computer- I know it's easier said than done but once you just start doing something it's easy to keep on doing it, the hard part is beginning, you can do it

No. 554156

I have BPD (I think, the diagnosis is very old) but I've never really gotten proper treatment or therapy for it - most of my life I've been in extreme denial about it. I'm on some medications that coincidentally have helped me manage symptoms better and have had a lot of personal epiphanies in certain behaviors or thought processes not being normal or acceptable.

A yearish or so ago I got in a ldr with a very good/long time friend of mine. I became absolutely and utterly obsessed with him, well beyond the point I ever had with anyone before. I felt a love and care for him that I recognized as something new, as it was not "just" the possessive infatuation I'd normally get and mistake for love in the past (not that I don't think that wasn't there at all, it just kind of co-existed).

We met up for a few weeks and things didn't work out - he claims he's not ready for a relationship but if he could be with someone it 'would be me' and 'maybe that will change one day'. I know this means I need to move on, but I recently realized I've spent the last few months doing everything I can to the point of a total lack of self respect or the boundaries of my ego to try to rekindle his interest. We still talk daily and he tries to be understanding of my mental illness but I don't think he really conceives it fully. I've changed everything about myself/appearance and even gotten and planned future plastic surgery to try to fit his tastes (my choice, not his). I've self harmed over him multiple times, something I haven't done in years. He tries to refuse but I spend thousands monthly on buying and sending him gifts.. little thoughtful and helpful things but they add up. I know it's all very wrong, but I can't think of anything or anyone else. I told him recently holding onto things is hurting me and I'm trying to distance my feelings, he understands/supports it. I still want to talk because we've been best friends for several+ years and he's the only person I've consistently talked to in my entire life.. I still love him as a friend as much as I do romantically… but in the past I've always just cut people off and ghosted or gone into a self destructive cycle til I find someone new to latch onto. So I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing or how to do this properly or healthily…

I've tried distracting myself with work, exercise, videogames, reading, other such hobbies, even fell back on doing some hard drugs (old cope of choice). But EVERYTHING makes me think of him. each day it seems to get worse. I think I'm ruining our friendship because I keep having these petty and spiteful outbursts since I get these delusions he's manipulating me (he hasn't been) and random periods of egotistical rage/resentment over why I'm not enough, shouldn't I be perfect for him, why doesn't he love me anymore, attacking him, etc… I have fessed up to that with him and apologized and he's been supportive and said as long as we can talk it out, he understands I have this issue. But I just want to kill myself all the time. I cry all the time. I don't want anything but to be with him. I feel so worthless and inadequate that even though I did EVERYTHING I wasn't enough. And I know that's my illness talking and not logic and that's not really how things work… But what am I supposed to do? How do you stop feeling this way 'properly' and still maintain friendship? It's seriously taking everything I've got not to self harm and self destruct and I know I'm blessed just for the self awareness now that I lacked the rest of my life but… really, how do people do this?

I've looked into behavioural therapy techniques and such online as best as I could but I really don't see how any of them help or apply to this. And I'm constantly fighting against this retarded feeling of "why would I want to get better if it's not going to result in being with him?". Even when I've had moments of seeming "ok" I catch myself doing it with the intention of becoming "even better" so he somehow regrets not being with me (ridiculous).

I don't want to be this way, Jesus fuck. I'm 27 years old, have a house and job and family who care about me. I'm not supposed to have the emotional capacity of an edgy preteen… in a couple hours I'll take my meds and I'll be distracted for a little bit just to cry and struggle by the end of my work shift because he's gone to bed and I miss just talking to him about nothing SO FUCKING MUCH and remember I can't be with him and I'm not good enough and fuck fuck fuck why am I like this?! I'm currently trying to talk with him a little less and explained I'm being a bit less friendly to try to see if it helps, but I want to go running to him every second of it and latch onto him and shower him in love. I feel like I'm stuck eternally in the 'love bomb' stage while he is able to move on. I hate myself for being like this. And the worst part is I know not even the self sacrificial things are at all selfless, I'm selfish as all fuck, I don't feel a pang of guilt for the others I've hurt in my life - I know damn well I only feel I care about him this much because it serves my own desires.

Why in the ACTUAL FUCK do I have to be like this
I know damn well the best I'm about to do is try to find someone new to be infatuated over and likely end up permanently destroying the closeness I had with him as just friends to try to numb my feelings for him

I am a disgusting thing

No. 554160

>>554133
What does this matter? Did he not make you happy up to this point?

No offense but this reminds me of guys obsessing over their girlfriend's body counts. It's not going to make you feel better to think about it so negatively.
>he calls ugly girls beautiful
I mean I'm sorry but is this supposed to be a red flag? Maybe he does actually find women beautiful and doesn't feel they should change to be conventional. But that's just me, I hate shallow men who think they're too good for the majority of women.

No. 554163

>>554156
Cut his ass off completely. It's ok to ghost people if they're effecting your mental health.

No. 554165

>>554156
Clearly you can't be his friend. Having a daily relationship with someone whom you send thousands of dollars in gifts to, well, you're not about to get over your feelings that way. If he's just a friend, then treat him like one. The problem is you're treating him like a boyfriend and chasing him when he's already rejected you. Anon you are simping hardcore, of course this guy is willing to sit back and watch you "talk it out" while you feed his ego with attention. Daily talks, gifts, blowout fights, etc. aren't really friend tier. I mean I love my friends but even we don't talk THAT much, and gift giving is really only for special occasions. Additionally, if I was having that many paranoid thoughts about my friends to the point where I was lashing out, I'd reconsider the value their so-called friendship adds to my life.

No. 554171

>>554133
It sounds like you’re ashamed of him. I don’t even see why?

No. 554174

This goes without saying but the attention whores who faked being bisexual or is using their queerness to bait male attention needs to be rounded up in a straight line and get blown off with a canon.

The fact that theyre capitalizing in what an actual queer would struggle for their whole live for attention makes me want to hurl myself from a 5th floor building.

No. 554176

I’m tired of fatties going on with their fat logic trying to empower women with obesity, and giving themselves even more reason to not do anything about it while simultaneously shitting on skinny girls. How do you co-opt the body positive movement just to shame others? How does that logic even work?

It’s the same with a lot of the social justice warrior activists.
I’m so tired of girls who eating a load of shit, chugging soda getting on twitter talking about how their body just looks like that and they have no control. Get real.

No. 554178

>>554176
Stop going to fringe twitters and tumblr blogs and you'll see less "fat girls shitting on skinny girls" because in actuality that doesn't happen. "Get real" is right, stop upsetting yourself on the internet.

No. 554181

>>554178
nta but who are you fooling? Fat activists thrive on most social media platforms, I mean just look at the backlash from Adele's weightloss recently - articles and posts by the truck load from fat women ranting that this was actually about THEM and an insult to THEM. It is insufferable.

No. 554182

>>554181
>fat activists thrive on social media
How is this not in line with anything I've said? Sit down. To repeat: Stop going/following/subscribing to fringe people on the internet who upset you. For one thing, I know for a fact that not every fat person shits on skinny people. Secondly, I could easily pull up-from fringe places on the internet-a bunch of hate sites dedicated to shitting on fat people. They don't even pretend to be concerned for a stranger's health, they straight up think fat people should have their lives ruined and pretty much be murdered for how they look. AND it's mostly perpetuated by men.
By your logic, since shit like that exists somewhere on the internet, fat activists have a legit crusade because people actually hate them for illegitimate reasons.

Is this reality? No. Shit like this doesn't happen in real life.
The truth is you want vindication to shit on fatties and you're using bullshit cherry picked from the internet to do it. Grow up.
>BUT ADELE THO!
Whenever a celebrity changes their appearance there's always related backlash. New nose, new boobs, you name it. Fatties didn't start this phenomenon, sorry.

No. 554184

I like shows such as Hoarders but I hate the fake ass reality show production around the stories.
Why do they think they have to add fake shit for this stuff to be interesting? For example, they'll show the hoarding psychologists showing up to the hoarder's house as if they haven't been there or already briefed. Then show them opening the door to be "shocked" by the state of the home, but it doesn't make sense because a camera and boomstick crew are already in there recording the phoney reaction. And it's so obvious they already knew.

The conflicts between the family members, friends, or psychologists can be interesting and feel genuine but even then those interactions have been severely edited and picked specifically. I feel like I'm watching a producer's dramatic film retelling of a story, instead of actually learning about the story.

No. 554188

>>554182
jesus christ you're so crabby, why are you taking their vent so personally?

No. 554189

>>554182
You sound like a fatty who is upset.
I came here to vent, and I have many reasons to feel how I feel.
The body positive movement all across social media is very much into this idea that thinner women don’t also experience BDD and eating issues / body shaming. I don’t know what part of the internet you live on - but this is very rampant at the moment.

No. 554190

>>554182
lmao telling people on lolcow to grow up, bitch where do you think you are

No. 554191

>>554189
And you sound triggered because you didn't want to hear the truth of the matter. I'm sorry some fat person made you feel like shit about your body, but it doesn't make you right to do it to other people.

Also samefagging will get you nowhere, it makes you look more unhinged. Although I do applaud you for holding out until the second post to insinuate I'm a planet because god forbid I don't spiral into mania and blame a whole group of people for my hurt feelings.

No. 554196

>>554191
wow the levels of projecting your post is reaching are rarely seen even here on lc, bravo lol

>>554176
I agree with you, I can't stand people that excuse their bad diets by trying to normalise obesity.

No. 554197

>>554196
Not really but ok if you want to buy your own bullshit so badly.

No. 554208

Ah shoot ! Really thought I'd be able to visit my mum and go back home because she tested negative for covid for first time, but then second results came in and she retested positive.

No. 554216

ive been putting off work since quarantine started and now im paying for it

why am i so irresponsible, i hate myself

No. 554219

I really hate that my depression and anxiety have become invalidated due to corona shit. I've been feeling like this forever and now everyone else feels sad so big fucking deal. I'm at my worst now and all I think about is suicide. I have no emotional support. Fuck this shit.

No. 554222

I'm so tired of my boyfriend mothering our roommate, I get it that they've been close friends since high school but this guy seriously needs to grow up. Among other things, he lets the dishes pile up and it makes my bf so stressed out and he vents to me about it and stays up late doing all the dishes, but doesn't say a peep to the roommate. Not even a passive aggressive text. He also hasn't paid any of the bills other than rent for months, and my bf hasn't brought it up at all. He's not even like a pushover kind of person, so I don't get why he can't just SAY something. It's so annoying!!!!!

No. 554223

>>554176
I agree… I am okay with chubby people, but their movement should really be about normal, healthy self-acceptance (ofc unless they are obese on a critical level) instead of fighting fire with fire by throwing fits of jealousy at normal people. I would have been okay with fatties and their movement if they were not acting as loud and obnoxious as SJWs

No. 554224

>>554222
Been in exact same situation.
Honestly tried everything and we ended up moving out.
Guys just won't say anything.
Next time he vents to you, tell him to say something to his friend and that you are sick of hearing about it.

If he doesn't take it on board, you and your bf should move out alone.

No. 554226

>>554176
>>554223
I really agree with this topic too and I hate that it's so impossible to discuss it politely.

I think it's lovely to see a more diverse range of bodies in fashion, and it's great to promote the idea that there's many ways to be beautiful and love yourself even if you're fat. That's perfectly fine. But when it got to the point of fat women getting aggressively nitpicky about what is considered "fat shaming" and claiming being fat isn't unhealthy, I checked out. Being fat /is/ inherently bad. Even being just chubby usually points to unhealthy habits moreso than "genetics," and I'm saying this as someone with shit genetics. I am so tired of seeing chunky friends on social media crying about how they hate their body and slim people are sooo lucky and privileged, and then hours later I see the same person make a twitter poll asking if they should order Chinese food or chicken nuggets for dinner. I'm not even making that up.

It's not illegal and you don't deserve a bad life if you're fat, but it's just so completely preventable. I've been both overweight and underweight, I have severe PCOS and every imaginable excuse for why I should be fat, and I still stand by my opinion. Stop blaming society for the way you're perceived. Adele looks great.

No. 554230

File: 1589562713689.gif (2.16 MB, 415x498, tenor (4).gif)

I was assigned to put together an excel spreadsheet of all company audits, with infractions and responses among other categories of information. I've worked here less than a year so a lot of terms & processes are unfamiliar to me but I'm doing my best on my single monitor desktop to transcribe this info between pdfs, word docs, and the excel they want me to type all this into.

The spreadsheet they sent me has the layout already and it appears as though someone already started listing infractions across an array of audits. Meant to be examples perhaps? However a lot of the information appears wrong. Wrong person responsible listed, single audit infraction listed as open when there's actually a closure letter for that entire audit, "update needed" listed in some categories and I have no idea who to ask for that info (and how am I gonna know which infractions need updating anyway lol?), etc. It only makes sense that the information is fucked if this has been sitting in someone's documents folder since 2018. But if this is a brand new spreadsheet then it's confusing af as to why someone blatantly typed in wrong shit. It's fucking with my understanding of what it is I'm meant to be transcribing, but it doesn't even end with inconsistent info. Like there will be an infraction observation with point A and point B, but for some reason the manager only put in this spreadsheet the response to point B. Was A not important, or a misunderstanding on the auditor's part? The response to A makes it out that way but if I'm to transcribe EVERYTHING then I don't understand why I'd leave certain shit out. I don't really know enough about the processes to know which paragraphs of info are the most pertinent response to put into this document.

One of the managers who gave me this task sounded like an idiot who didn't even know how'd she tackle this, asked me "Any questions?" before she fucked off. As if glancing at the spreadsheet without looking into the audit documents in detail was going to reveal problems like this until I actually started working on it. Now I'm supposed to contact a corporate lady for any questions but it's going to be awkward because I literally started another word document with all my fucking questions on it. This is all remote too so it's not like I can corner anyone in the office and make them answer to this. My only hope is a tense phone call where I can't show anything that I'm talking about, or an email where I'll likely receive half baked answers leaving the rest up to my interpretation as usual.

No. 554232

>>553828
>i had like 20 failed conversations/dates
You're like a little baby

Watch this

>NEVER HAD SIGNIFICANT OTHER

No. 554235

>>554226
>I think it's lovely to see a more diverse range of bodies in fashion, and it's great to promote the idea that there's many ways to be beautiful and love yourself even if you're fat. That's perfectly fine.

I feel this way too but it puzzles me why you "checked out" just because a few vocal assholes on twitter are spoiling the sentiment for fat women with reasonable views? It's throwing the baby out with the bathwater and not representative of any body positive person I've interacted with at all, who don't outwardly say they hate their bodies or say cunty things about thin bodies.

No. 554240

>>554232
he's actually my first boyfriend. i never had an elementary school boyfriend, nor an almost-boyfriend in high-school or college.
and, ngl, i don't know how to flirt and assume people can read my mind. he thought i was simply humoring him by continuing our initial date as long as it did. he could only tell when i said we should go on a second date and held his hand on the way home from said date.
i honestly thought about quitting tinder for the semester before matching with him. something will come up, but it will be random. + you have to put yourself out there, even if it's just a dating profile.

No. 554247

I saw my boyfriend of 20 months cry for the first time last night. He talked to me about the day his sister died. He was 6, she was 8. They were playing outside. She climbed a tree and fell out from a high branch, dying on impact. He carried her home to his parents in his arms, thinking she was knocked out, when actually she was already dead the whole time that he was carrying her home.

I'm kind of a staunch believer in gender roles and don't think men should cry. Men should be men. I haven't lost interest in him or anything, but the whole experience just left me irritated.

No. 554249

>>554247
Wtf you are an asshole

No. 554252

>>554247
Begone robot

No. 554254


No. 554256

>>554247
How does a 6 year old carry the dead weight (lmao) of an 8 year old though?

No. 554259

>>554247
>20 months

No. 554260

Every time I type anything into my phone, whether it be a text to my mum or the URL to lolcow, I can watch my boyfriend's heart rate spike and he immediately asks "What are you doing?" or walks over to read my phone but pretending he's just bending over beside the couch to fiddle with his socks or pantcuff or something. I finally snapped and told him that he's not even subtle about it.
Men are such annoying little pissbabies, holy shit. If I knew he was gonna act like this I never would have dated him. Five years teaches you a lot about a person but unbridled jealousy is so fucking unsexy I could vomit when he looks at me, and recoil when he touches me. So fucking gross

No. 554261

>>554247
I really hope you're lying. Considering I know what site I'm on I'm just going to assume you are rather than get emotional over bait.

No. 554262

Quarantine is turning me into a complete neet. Even the simplest of human interaction is becoming hard even through text. The thought of going back to in person work soon sounds absolutely foreign to me despite doing it for years. I kind of just want this to be the end.

No. 554264

>>554260
Has he always been this nosy and jealous?

No. 554265

>>554260
i'm so sorry for you, that sounds like hell. however, there are plenty of non jealous people out there. hope he fixes his issues. if not, hope you find better out there.

No. 554266

>>554247
to whatever redpill/blackpill/dickpill community posted this: find better bait, c'mon.

No. 554271

>>554247
>I believe in genderroles, that means men can't use their tearducts that they´ve been born with

fucking lol

No. 554272

>>554260
>recoil when he touches me
Time to move on

No. 554274

Going to the chiropractor for the first time, my back is real fucked up. I’m a csa “survivor” and I’m pretty nervous about some middle aged dude touching on my body, my back is especially triggering for me and that’s were they HAVE to touch. I’m definitely not going to tell the Dr. and make it weird and emotional, but I know on the inside it might bug me emotionally. I just have to get the fuck over it but it’s causing me anxiety and nervousness.


As someone who experienced child sexual abuse I always avoid important things like the dentist and doctor because I’m so uncomfortable with my body and others talking about or touching it. There’s even a tiny little voice in my head that says what if the chiropractor feels you up a little just because he can. What if when I get put to sleep for my wisdom teeth, the dentist molests me because I’m knocked out and he can. It’s not a huge intense feeling where I’m like sobbing and want to die, it’s just a small very nervous and anxious feeling that makes me avoidant. Fuck people who touch kids man, i hate that it effects me so much.

No. 554275

Am I just a bitter bitch or am I right to be upset over how much my BF and friends are making with unemployment?
Even when I was off, I was making what I would be making if I was working in CAT pay, however my job is shit and I'm lucky to get 2 shifts a week, making my biweekly pay usually around 130$, all while people are making 600$ a WEEK

My boyfriend keeps telling me I'm being stupid being upset and how it's different because he has more important things to pay while I just want things thet will make me happy. I get that, but fuck, it feels so unfair. I hate this stupid job anyway and nowhere is hiring now.

No. 554277

>>554275
You pay the bills then so he can buy you your useless shit. Or just ask your boss to fire you so you can get those government shekels too.

>>554274
You can’t just choose female chiropractor, dentist and doctor?

No. 554278

My mom was talking to me about some dumb unimportant shit and I was rubbing my temples 'cause my head's gonna explode from this headache. She was like, "Are you okay?" in a pissed off tone. I said no and she continued talking.

Why even ask? God I wish I vomited on her.

No. 554280

My mum talked me into staying here with my step dad and brother and its been one day and I want to go back to my apartment so bad, but I know my brother will be pissed at me if I leave but hes snorting mdma every 5 fucking minutes and I can't spark up a joint. All we did yesterday was day drink I don't want to drink ever again lol. My step dad is paralytic rn and my mum has been chatting to me non stop for hours, she wouldn't let me go to the shops earlier. I'm nearly 30. I left my laptop in my apartment I think it's my get out clause. Its 20:45 right now and all I want to do is get into my car and drive the fuck away

No. 554285

>>554277
> You pay the bills then so he can buy you your useless shit.

I do pay the bills. I pay the bills and my own rent. The only important thing he buys is takeout food daily, which I can do myself (or rather go and get groceries)

No. 554286

>>554247
It's kind of insulting men think we fall for this shit. They obviously think we're this stupid.

No. 554287

>>554275
If you lost hours due to COVID then you can apply for unemployment iirc.

No. 554292

>>554275
I think more people should be showing humility if they're cashing out through unemployment right now, yes. What I see being passed around right now to stave away criticism about this is "Well this should be an argument to raise wages!" as if that'll realistically happen. Not to mention one needs to be making a solid $20/hr to pull $600 a week after tax anyway. Do these people think places like McDonald's and Wal Mart are gonna be stepping up to pay their employees that wage after all this is over?
I make $18/hr, I don't get health insurance and don't pay any other kind of dues, after Uncle Sam rapes my paycheck for his tax collection I take home $560 per week.

No. 554293

>>554285
So make him spend on you with his extra cash.

No. 554302

File: 1589574310701.png (217.15 KB, 757x315, C1CA67B4-4968-46C8-A23E-309884…)

Idk if this goes in the femdom thread but w/e

>checking my old inbox

> found this email from a tall German guy that looks exactly like my type with the verification I asked for
> literally Botticelli angel 10/10 motherfucker right there in my inbox
> he contacted me 2 days before I gave up and started looking for a normie bf

I’m now in a relationship and happy however that guy was fucking beautiful

Tfw no sub muscly sub bf

No. 554307

suicide looking pretty sexy right now. i keep saying i wont attempt suicide but i somehow end up doing it

No. 554309

File: 1589577129373.jpeg (109.1 KB, 639x737, 08EF7D29-904B-4741-B69A-5C4AFD…)


No. 554314

>>554309
This tbh. Even if I thought my life was a complete dumpster fire, I would at least try to start over until I was satisfied. Suicide always felt like a last resort. Like choosing to jump to your death out a tall building because it would be quicker and painless than dying in the fire. That sort of thing. Running from the shit is an option.

No. 554317

>>554309
I've done this so many times in my life, and while I can't say it solves the problem then and there, it's at least a step in the right direction most of the time.

Running away is actually the best option for a lot of people. I don't know why more people don't try it. It's almost like people are more afraid of change than whatever issues are exacerbated by their current situation.

No. 554324

File: 1589580369205.gif (5.55 MB, 600x480, giphy (4).gif)

>"Hm, I wonder what's on Netflix, what's The Wrong Missy?"
>old manchild Happy Madison character for some reason gets two significantly younger and better looking women who want to chase him, but ha ha quirks and hijinks ensue when he accidentally picks the woman he didn't want even though both women could do way better than old swamp ass David Spade

Fuck I hate this trope. It also did not escape me that they tried to typecast and code Lauren Lapkus's character as David Spade's looksmatch or worse, which I might agree with if she were 60 years old like he is. She was born in 1985, wtf?

No. 554329

>>554309
ntayrt but man, thank you for this. maybe it seems corny but it's genuinely a great reminder and a great mindset to have when you've been depressed/ suicidal before. had to force myself to start thinking in a better way and it took a lot of meds and growing up and therapy but I'm still here. I've been "killing" my old sad sack self by reinventing myself through exercise, dressing/ looking how I want to, and teaching myself the instruments/ crafts I never gave myself the chance to try and learn in my early years because I was "too old" and surrounded by more "talented" friends, which is bullshit. I'm still an amateur but it makes me happy just to be productive instead of letting myself waste away like I tend to. it's possible to become that idealized version of yourself that you were too depressed to ever think you could reach. even if it didn't happen perfectly and in my early 20's (and when does it actually ever go like that, that's so unrealistic lol) at least it's happening.

sometimes my mind will go back to times where I've stared at the rack in my closet and imagined myself hanging there by a scarf, or times where I've been on the road alone at night thinking "what would happen if I drove this shitty old car off the bridge? who would even care?" and fuck. I am so fucking glad I never went through with it. your life is never doomed or over when you think it is. existing in and of itself can be traumatic, but the very fact that we do get to exist and experience life can be amazing if you let it be, all it takes is not being afraid to destroy the parts of you that you aren't happy with

No. 554340

>>554329
Man, I totally get that. I’ve been picking up new hobbies left right and centre I know it’s just to keep myself distracted but it’s working and I’m actually having fun.
I opened up to my father a few months ago about the suicidal thoughts I’d been having, he’s been through a lot of shit in his life and I felt like shit when I told him. I was just crying and crying and he just hugged me and calmly spoke to me. He talked me down from that metaphorical ledge and I’m so grateful. I don’t want to die anymore even though sometimes things can become too much for me. I like the saying all pain is temporary.
I have so much empathy for people who experience suicidal thoughts and I really hope every single one of them have some one in their life to listen to them and to help them.

No. 554343

>>554275
Honestly, I hope you carry this anger into the next election when someone proposes paying everyone a liveable wage

You deserve more–don't be mad at your boyfriend and other for making the amount they do, be mad at your boss for not paying that very same amount

No. 554345

>>554240
>something will come up, but it will be random. + you have to put yourself out there, even if it's just a dating profile.
This is the worst thing anyone could ever say to someone who has 0 luck in dating

you think I'm somehow NOT looking
If this wasn't a vent thread I probably wouldn't respond this way but FUCK YOU
I know how it works, I know that there's no surefire way to get in a relationship
I'm just UPSET that it happens randomly for some people and never happens for ME

I'm not mad at you, but god damn, I'm mad

No. 554348

>>554329
I’m so fucking proud of you

No. 554349

Sometimes, when I'm feeling unreasonable and irrational, I get so mad at my teenage self for giving into my mental health problems/bullies/volatile home life and making so many choices with far-reaching consequences.

I love politics, but no one would ever elect me if they knew my past, despite what (mainly leftists) say about giving ordinary people a chance. Besides, even if they would, I'm still mentally ill and likely not suited to a political career.

I just… don't ever seem to be made for anything except the gutter, which is the one place I strive daily never to be again. I'm happy in life now and grateful for what I have, but when I'm struggling to sleep at night it's always this I return to: why couldn't I just have been a consistent & cohesive person, to go with my academic and intellectual ability? Maybe my existence could have been a bit more than falling in love, having kids, and working a dead-end job to pay the bills.

No. 554352

>>554292
>What I see being passed around right now to stave away criticism about this is "Well this should be an argument to raise wages!"

Lmao well there it is >>554343. Don't worry anon, in another four year's time you might have a snowball's chance in hell of electing someone who will promise to raise wages while keeping the inflated cost of living down magically!

No. 554355

My woke,”genderfluid” friend just rambles on about shit that nobody cares about yet she thinks it’s super important. Like yesterday, she was talking about the upcoming live action Disney Hercules movie and how people we’re fan casting the Muses with white singers and *~how wrong it is. Not that I’m for whitewashing or whatever (even those the muses were technically Greek but I digress) but why do you care? You’re almost 30 and you’re getting worked up over fancasting over a shameless cash grab of a movie that’s going to suck anyway. Another time she whining about neckbeards being salty over the She Hulk series yet she hardly says anything about issues that actually matters to women. Ugh. I don’t understand why she thinks I give a shit about her nerd crap.

No. 554387

>>554355
her being upset about that just means she ignored the fact that there won't be any more shoehorned gospel music in the movie.

No. 554392

File: 1589591874705.jpg (140.72 KB, 304x386, its-always-sunny-in-philadelph…)

No emo but I have always had this evergrowing knowing feeling that I'm gonna die young. I'm waiting for a possible cancer diagnosis during a pandemic, the feeling keeps getting stronger. The only things I regret not fully experiencing are a good, dumb and passionate fling, a good coke and booze binge and not getting all the tattoos I wanted.

No. 554399

>>554355
Just one up her by mentioning an actual issue
"yeah it really sucks that people are miscasting the muses, it's like black people are overwhelmingly the victims of police violence and now THIS? Thanks for bringing this up, you really keep me up to date with all the issues"

No. 554402

>>554392
Why not regret better things? Things that literally anyone couldn't get for $200 in Vegas

No. 554456

File: 1589609388355.jpeg (326.24 KB, 1000x1000, E794DFE7-E252-4AE0-B0FC-F4C451…)

Was doing so well with my diet these past two weeks and have lost about 4 lbs.

Today was a stress eating day because I have no self control. In total today I’ve eaten, a small bowl of spaghetti, spicy thai wide noodles with veggies, two hotdogs with white bread , two spring rolls, and half this pizza.

I’ll probably go walk for an hour to burn at least some of it off.

No. 554459

>>554456
if it isn't a common occurrence for you to binge i wouldn't worry too much about it! just go for your walk and pretend it was an intentional zigzag diet method (like I do when I fuck up lmao)

No. 554463

>>554349
your thinking is too black and white. you don't need to be a dirty crackwhore but you also don't need to be president.

No. 554467

For fucks sake I just want to go to a doctor and have them scan my brain and tell me what exactly is wrong with me. I know this isn't possible but I'm sick of the uncertainty when it comes to getting a diagnosis. Sometimes I think I'm just anxious and depressed, sometimes I think I have ADD, sometimes I think I have OCD, sometimes I think I'm just fucking stupid. I just want to know so I can understand myself a little more and get some fucking clarity.

No. 554472

I hate my friend's spouse. He trooned out a couple years ago and my friend has been in a continuously worse mental state pretty much ever since and she was already struggling. I know she loves him but I have never met someone so narcissistic, selfish, and antagonistic. Transitioning made it 100% worse. She doesn't have much of a support system outside of me and my bf. Her spouse has pushed all of our other friends and family away. It's so hurtful and exhausting trying to be there for her when her spouse will do things like "accidentally" text me while talking about me to someone else.

Lmao my family has turned my friend's spouse into their own person lolcow though after I showed my cousin their Twitter. That's been fun.

No. 554475

File: 1589617361667.jpg (6.94 KB, 275x265, 1531450242281.jpg)

Just saw the ending of She-Ra and I HATED IT. I hate this Hollywood agenda of making straight characters suddenly gay to make the show "woke".

No. 554480

I genuinely have zero romantic knowledge whatsoever. Even though I've managed to have several relationships (always initiated by the other party), I still have never learned how to interact with a crush or flirt with someone when we're not officially in a relationship. It's not just a talking to men thing either; I can talk to someone just fine up until I develop romantic feelings for them.

For example, right now I have a crush on this kid from my college. We started talking as friends a little over a month or so ago (we knew each other before quarantine but we never went out of our way to talk to each other until now). I wasn't nervous at all before I developed feelings, but now I feel really anxious sending him a message of any kind, even if it's just a meme. I feel like my solution to this problem should be "just pretend like he's any other friend," but no matter how hard I try I can't get past this roadblock.

This always happens in that pocket of "oh I really like this person but I don't know if they feel the same;" once I find out that the other person likes me, I'm a lot more at ease when talking to them (though I still never make the first move). Unfortunately, I'm in the weird pocket stage with that guy right now, and I probably won't know if he's into me or not until quarantines over. I really don't know why I'm currently stressing so much about this since I don't think a quarantine relationship would work out all that well, but here I am.

No. 554486

>>554355
used to be like this (as a teenager, but still). just mention real issues (politics etc) that she probably hasn't heard about or can't form an opinion on. just read the news and pick a topic that interests you. she might realize life is more than nerds arguing online.

No. 554487

>>554392
those are, uh, interesting choices. but your mindset might be due to trauma. i lost a relative very young so i just assume my other relatives are going to die within 5 years.

No. 554496

Have been crying most of the day because things just keep going really shit for me, and I cant catch a fucking break.
I am so tired. I want good things.

No. 554499

>>554475
to be honest the original show (along with He-man) was kind of queer coded (in a funny non-intentional way) so I don’t see any problem with it. I mean, who cares? Since when were people passionate about She-ra lmao

No. 554501

I genuinely don't know what to do. My ultra Muslim family is genuinely driving me crazy. I'm a closeted exmuslim bc they have stated multiple times they would kick me out if I come out (I'm only 18). Basically as long as I'm Muslim my parents love and support me, they're going to pay for uni next year ect, but they keep telling me that I shouldn't lie to them and pretend to be Muslim or they will die bc of the betrayal. But I can't come out because they'd abuse me and kick me out and I'd have nowhere to go and no way to support myself. Am I being gaslit? I feel bad for taking their money/support bc I'm planning to leave when I'm financially stable because I genuinely cannot live like this. I wish they would love me the way I am but multiple times they have stated that the only thing keeping our relationship intact is Islam and if they find out I'm not Muslim they'll cut me off immediately. I feel like I'm taking advantage of them but I have no choice and they keep telling me not to trick them but how am I not supposed to? It feels so hopeless and I feel like I'm gonna be stuck here the rest of my life lying and living a life that isn't mine. Sorry if this didn't make sense but honestly this has made me so angry and depressed and I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

No. 554504

>>554501
don't feel bad. parents who would actually kick you out and cut all ties with you don't love you, they love the idea of you.
and, no, they won't die from the betrayal. they'll die from not having complete control over you and your life.

No. 554509

>>554501
Your parents who will only support the version of you that they want is not love. And no, I do not think you’re bad for taking advantage of their financial resources until you can get on your feet because they made the conscious decision to have you, and apart of that is supporting you.

Take their money, and run anon.

No. 554522

>>554463
My thinking is too black and white? You've gone from dead-end job to assuming I want to be president (British btw). Local councillor would be nice, my background isn't suitable even for that. I, as a person, just struggle to maintain any career that is more challenging than being a cleaner or a server because my mental health sucks. It's frustrating because I'm capable intellectually of more, and I want that life.

No. 554523

>>554501
Thirding other anons, take the money and run. I was under the religious tyranny of my parents and them being complete control freaks right up into my mid 20s, despite having lost belief years prior ago. I just felt like I had to be what they wanted me to be or else they wouldn't support me or black sheep me even worse. That turned out to be true. Of course I'm happy I had parents capable of helping to pay the remaining tuition after my scholarships ran out but it's not as if they never dangled that over my head knowing how much power they had, and what they could take away from me. They made these financial threats if I didn't follow their commands, it wasn't right. They absolutely did not help me with grad school–even though I only went to one because they made me feel like shit for not wanting to–because by then I was out and they knew I had done things that they disagreed with.

It was worth it to not be in undergrad debt, but my continuing to pacify them afterwards just got me in worse debt. So everything I put up with means a wash anyway at this point. I guess don't over doormat? I absolutely agree that some parents fall in love with their idealized version of kids because they see them as an extension of themselves. Not for who they really are or what they want.

No. 554526

>>554501
Keep playing nice until you can leave, with a diploma, a job and no debt.
You're doing what you need to survive while they're pieces of shit who want you to submit to a sexist religion and would rather risk your fucking death than accept and support you regardless of your beliefs. There's nothing for you to feel bad about.

No. 554531

>>554499
>was kind of queer coded (in a funny non-intentional way)
Thats the 80s, baby.

I care! Cause I loooved She-ra and I hate how Hollywood shit in all of our youth shows/movies etc just to find their "woke" agenda. Leave that shit in Steven Universe and so. I mean I just found out they are doing a remake of Scarface! Why!? inb4 Tony becomes a woman in the new one.

No. 554541

>>554499
Tbh the original She-ra sucked ass and was only used to sell stupid toys. It doesn't even deserve a reboot this good.

No. 554561

Does anyone else get insecure with something when you try to work on it, but when you don't you're okay?
I haven't felt I had a surface level problem with my weight in awhile, but I do need to lose. So now that I'm actively working on it and actually having some modest success, some of my insecurities are coming back again. I even have a bf this time around who insists he finds me attractive and that I should change only if I want to.
My brain makes no god damn sense.

No. 554564

>>554561
>Does anyone else get insecure with something when you try to work on it, but when you don't you're okay?
this is essentially the "lazy" side of perfectionism

No. 554577

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Okay, so I’m sorry in advance for the long text but here it comes.

I’d like to roast myself for being enough of an idiot and unblocking someone during quarantine, you know to see if they have changed their ways and actually grown from it.

Spoiler alert they haven’t, I was talking about weightlifting and muscle gain etc bc it’s something I literally dedicate 7-8 hours a week in average.

It all started with a “ oh I’m going to lose ten kilos in a month” which is like the worst fucking idea long term especially for someone with low muscle.

So I was nice I linked a whole list of studies which they ignore and then I was like “ok look people have been doing this for a very long time there’s proven ways to do it safely”

Then they flipped 180 and went “I’m tired of being told I’m a loser because of my hairline and jawline women are the worst”

“Yeah I was just talking about what came out of my head”

And then I realised I’m a fucking idiot for allowing this person back into my life

as someone who works in IT like they do I’m fucking tired of that excuse so I said

“you're going to go through life
thinking that girls don't like you because you're a tech geek. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart that that won't be true. It'll be because shit like this”

Which to be fair I totally copy pasted but still applies

No. 554583

>>554561
Yes!! It makes enough sense to me, in a neurotic way. I'm afraid my best isn't good enough, so if I don't try my best, I have that excuse. I failed because I didn't try, that's all.

No. 554587

>>554402
Because I have made peace with a lot of fucking things anon fuck off

No. 554588

>>554577
I knew someone just like this. Typical incel shit and they didn't want real help or perspective from someone who's not fucking insane, so I blocked them after they started shitting on me for being "against" them aka a woman. Just fuck 'em, anon. Let them be miserable while you go on with your life.

No. 554594

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Why's writing an application so stupidly hard. I'm just trying to get a part time job so I can make some money before leaving for uni in autumn, but I have literally no work experience. I only had to write one once for an unpaid internship and put stupid shit like interests and hobbies into the resume because it would've been empty otherwise, but I can't do that when I'm trying to apply for part time at a supermarket, right? I don't even want to think about the cover letter… When I tried searching for fitting examples I found texts in which people described themselves as "excited to be a profitable asset" and even more embarrassing things. Why does it have to be like this

No. 554617

I got attacked by a dog today walking to work. I called my boss and she goes “well just walk to work I’ll be there” and this bitch gets me a Starbucks coffee and LEAVES and makes me stay here alone for 7 hours with a dog bite on my leg. She’s a close family friend for many years so she feels like she can walk all over me. I just want to die anons, my leg hurts and I’m a worthless uneducated idiot who just gets used to the point of madness constantly. I have to keep this job because I have absolutely nothing to fall back on and no family that can support me. My fucking LEG HURTS and for some reason getting attacked by a dog makes me suicidal

No. 554619

>>554617
Throw that bitch into a cage full of starved dogs and then tell her to just walk. Fuck her. Seek immediate medical attention and if she somehow fires you over this, kill her. Jails are overcrowded anyway, you'll get out in no time and you'll have accommodation and free food for a decent amount of time. Don't be a push over. You'll regret this.

No. 554621

>>554617
You should've called the police to get the dog's owner to pay for it.

No. 554624

>>554621
also this. If the dog owner refuses, kill the dog in front of the dog owner and then kill the owner too. Make them pay with blood.

No. 554640

>>554501
fellow exmuslim here. don't feel guilty if you decide to take the money and run anon. but if it's possible for you to get out now and go to college later (or get loans on your own) consider that. that may seem like the obviously worse decision, but if your parents are fucking insane then don't keep yourself in debt to them and gtfo. try contacting exmuslim organizations like if you're in the US.

No. 554645

File: 1589658680654.png (433.26 KB, 960x512, sJvf0PJin7.png)

>>554619
>>554624
Her boss is an asshole but both of you need to be locked in a padded cell.

No. 554648

>>554531

How does it feel to be this retarded?
The original show literally has all the female characters have more or less the same personality, it was made on the 80s to sell toys.

"woke agenda" gay people exist in real life you know?

I like women and honestly this stupid cartoon made me my cry.

No. 554650

>>554640
samefag, wanted to add that if you'd be living on campus then get their money for the first year, and during school get advice and help from school resources. Get a job on campus or somewhere else if possible, look for somewhere to stay during the summer. Maybe contact the school you're going to earlier about what to do in this case and what you need to be wary of.

No. 554652

>>554645
I'm the same anon. Her boss is making riches on her back and won't even allow her to get the necessary help she desperately needs. She can't even find another job and she earns peanuts with all her hard work. She should take back what's rightfully hers. People need to start paying for injustice. Her boss and the stupid dog owner, do you think they'll ever care or learn? No, they won't. A fine is just a slap on the wrist.

No. 554653

>>554499
By "queer coded," do you mean "made by a gay man?" Because that's all you should've said.

No. 554656

I feel like a bitch saying this but I'm starting to loathe my husband. He's been out of work for maybe two months now (because he felt unsafe going to work. His job is willing to take him back anytime) and spends his days either doing nothing, sleeping, or playing video games. I work 6 days a week and don't feel touchy feely towards him due to stress and depression and general annoyance and he gets so upset when I don't want to cuddle or hang out after work. Sorry I'm not attracted to someone who spends all day fucking up the house and whining about being hungry while not bothering to make anything to eat! I'm just sick and tired of having to take care of two people when I can barely take care of one! I'm reaching my boiling point

No. 554658

>>554652
You’re not at all insane, I see.

No. 554660

>>554656
How does it feel being a mommy for a full grown male.

Leave

No. 554661

>>554499
wtf are those tumblr discourse terms doing here

No. 554663

>>554658
Yes, thank you for realizing this. I hope more anons open their eyes to the perils of capitalism and the exploitation of the workers.

No. 554665

>>554661
Honestly there's alot of gay girls here on lolcow and its stressing and annoying to the same neckbeard shit hurr durr she ra isn't a lesbian in a supposedly female board.

No. 554666

>>554656
Has he encouraged you to stay home at all? (I ask purely out of curiosity, I know a lot of people can’t afford to have everyone stay home right now.)

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that, though. It sounds like you need to establish some rules with him, like if he’s going to stay home while you work excessively, he needs to start playing househusband. We all know that if the positions were flipped, dudes would be expecting us to keep a tidy house, etc.

No. 554670

>>554652
Her life quality of life will only decline if she's in prison for murder, you fucking weirdo.

No. 554672

>>554670
Can you really say that she has any quality of life at all? She can't even quit a job where she's mistreated. You can't call that a life worth living.

No. 554673

>>554663
Ah yes, hello fellow edgelord comrade. How many bosses and dog owners have you killed lately?

No. 554675

>>554672
A padded cell it is then.

No. 554683

>>554673
I would if I was severely wronged. And I wouldn't resort to violence as my first choice in anon's case, the murder bit was exaggerated but there has to be a punishment of any sorts that's more than just a small fine. It's a sad world where that anon has no other option but to keep quiet despite the injustice that was done to her.
>>554675
The padded cell shtick wore off. Get a new one.

No. 554690

>>554531
Scarface was a remake in the first place lmao

No. 554718

>>554392
I've always felt like I was fated to die young too, like another anon said it might come from trauma or tragic things in your life. makes sense in my case because my dad died of a rare cancer when I was young, and cancer runs in my family, but I've kind of gotten less paranoid about it since I've made it this far into my twenties. If I ever got slapped with a terminal illness I would go full chaotic bucket list tho, so I sorta understand where you're coming from


>>554475
adding on to the she-ra anons, I haven't watched much of it but I'm like half and half on the show. I really want to love it and have no problem with modernizing the cast to be more diverse, or even with the campiness because who cares, it's an 80s toy show reboot they can do what they want with it. plus some of the art and character designs are pretty cool. I just don't see myself sitting through five seasons of something that's a little too on the nose, steven universe pandering esque that misses the mark more often than not. some of the characters seem super tumblr tier cringe too which is a shame because from the clips I've seen I really like new catra/ entrapta/ some of the princesses, I would probably even really like the nonbinary shapeshifting villain because I love that like bastard trickster trope, but they seem to ruin it by pushing the woke part of it too hard instead of interesting character development. let me know if I'm wrong tho and it's an actually good show that's worth watching, that's just the impression I've gotten from what I've seen but it might just be that the fanbase is more cringe than the show, lol

No. 554719

>>554718
TBH, I'd say give it a chance. The designs are about as woke as it gets, the show isn't very political in nature besides the implied romance. It's mostly about friendship/action. It's literally a show for little girls.

No. 554723

>>554718
The show is less political than SU tbh, they don’t mention genders or anything like that and almost everything is just treated as normal in that world, bow has two dads and no one bats an eyelash.

No. 554727

>>554718
i got kinda pissy when i saw anons mention trauma but indeed i have a lot of it, especially from the past year or so, everyone keeps dying on me lmao. but i am so annoyed when i even mention being nervous about the test results, being in pain or something, my mom just says she doesn't wanna think about it. i get her but BITCH i am the one waiting to hear if i am gonna need to start cancer treatment in the midst of a pandemic while being under 30. like, lemme fucking have this.

No. 554731

>>554256
With just a bit of effort, if we are talking normal weight kids here.

No. 554738

>>554043
Followup

All my friends I'm chatting with have now been talking about alcohol for like, an hour, they don't even drink often or talk about it.. but they are, all talking about their drinking plans and my boyfriend keeps talking about it too, talking about how he wishes he got that alcohol and how we (me and him) should go "grocery shopping" soon.
I finally broke the silence and responded to someone saying bars are overpriced, saying "Yeah and I never feel much from it.."

To which my (not so close) friend responded snappily "Yeah, because you fucking drink more than any of us ever." I feel so embarrassed and upset with myself mostly. Idk if I'm overreacting with trying to hold back (badly rn) crying

No. 554739

I have dry humor and I like to joke a lot. literally made a joke about being basically blind and gouging my eyes out because my prescription is too strong to really order over the internet. Then my SIL told me to stop being dramatic and to suck it up because she's has visually impaired on her license.

My glasses and contacts are medically necessary as well, I was jokinggg. She's always unnecessarily defensive about jokes. Love her but holy shit is she condescending.

Now they're bringing up hoax talking points. I'm going to scream

No. 554740

>>554739
My brother is refusing to wear a mask now when he goes to the grocery store.

No. 554752

>>554648
My point wasnt about them having more or less same personalities, its about the "creators" making like 80% of the show gay when it obviously wasn't.

>>554665
So because this is an all female board everybody is supposed to be ok with a non-gay character suddenly becoming gay? gtfo

>>554718
It's everything you mentioned, don't waste your time. Stay away from these american shows that seem to come from the same source (this one, steven universe, etc).

No. 554755

>>554752
The original Shera was bad. Who cares if they're gay now? The writing is far superior to the shitty 80s merch commercial. Sorry you think it's gay woke propaganda because there are lesbians.

No. 554762

>>554738
Friend who snapped at you has issues, who cares how much someone else drinks? Drinking is boring anyway. They are maybe going stir crazy because they can't go to bars anymore on lockdown, hence the odd hour long conversation about drinking.

No. 554763

>>554617
I'm so sorry that happened to you. if you can find out where that dog lives, file a police report. that's horrible. If it's a stray , that sucks, but most dogs are owned by shitty people and there's never ever an excuse for a dog to hurt anyone completely unprovoked. Get medical help as soon as you can.

No. 554764

>>554656
You need to have a serious talk. Holyshit. If he's able to go back to work, he needs to do it now. And if he refuses, he needs to keep the house clean, cook for you both and do more than lay around, being a man child.

No. 554767

>>554740
Is he a retard? Wearing a mask for an hour max to go food shopping isnt even a big deal. fuck,i hate westerners and their repel to the idea of wearing masks.

No. 554808

Really not doing okay right now. I'm just feeling super suicidal lately. I tried talking to my boyfriend about it today and he just can't comfort me. Last time this happened he fell asleep on me which was last year and I'm pretty sure he fell asleep on me just now.

Why is it so hard. I'm so tired of this. I'm trying so hard but I can never do anything right.

No. 554840

>>554808
Hey pal, you okay?

No. 554847

>>554840
I'm doing better actually. I need to stop using lolcow as a diary like some other anons talked about earlier. The anonymity makes it so easy to say whatever you want.

Though legit just came across some girl on AO3 who left a suicide note. I haven't even read fanfiction in years, I just wanted to check in and see what people wrote for a pairing I was big into. Feels like I'm in limbo or something, crazy coincidences.

No. 554848

>>554847

Oh my god

Where was this? What fic? This is terrible

No. 554866

I'm at the point where I think society is getting what it deserves. I really don't know if there's anyway to say is from ourselves. A 14 year old girl with dwarfism was abducted by a 21 year old married man. They found her ok and they think she left with him willingly because he groomed her. The comments were full of people demanding this girl be charged with her own kidnapping. There are people heavily advocating that this man who left his wife and child to abduct a 14 year old with a disability and flee across several states should face 0 charges. And there are a lot of people who feel like this

Then I look at comments on corona posts and everyon is moaning we need to go out. Even on less boomer social media like insta. Blah blah "the economy" even though bezos has made so much money off corona he's touching trillionaire status. Gee whiz maybe if he paid taxes that would help the country right now! But these same people will tell you bezos worked hard for his money.

I just don't care anymore. Americans can't even be convinced that healthcare should be free. I really think it's a lost cause.

No. 554867

>>551818
My dad just tried to kill himself… Luckily he failed but fuck… He injected all sorts of shit up his veins(hes a med) while drunk, i am so i shock and have no idea how to function

No. 554870

I am bpd with autistic traits and I'm realising that my bf is probably an autist. I've had a hellish life with an undiagnosed aspie mom, and I don't know if I can live a life with another autist. Its so mentally draining to never get emotional support, hardly any eye contact, having to explain everything. Like, I'm not perfect and have my autist traits, but goddamn I need someone who can show me emotions and read my emotions. I desperatly need to connect, and I don't feel like he can. Its one sided me trying to understand him, while he just thinks I'm crazy and irrational.

I just want a hug when I'm sad, not having to explain every little shit to him for him to understand, and still not get any emotional support.

No. 554876

I hate that I look so much better with makeup on. I know that's the point about makeup but it sucks.

It makes me feel bad to see how men light up with desire in their eyes when I'm wearing makeup while I'll get maybe a quarter of that reaction without. People in general treat me better when I have a full face of slap on.

No. 554878

>>554870
One of the healthiest couples I knew both had autism, the guy had slightly lesser ausistic traits but they were noticeable, either way they make it work and I'm sure you can as well

No. 554884

>>554870
>a bpd armchair diagnosing other people
>"he just thinks I'm crazy and irrational"

No. 554889

I'm kinda scared to start uni because I feel like I won't fit in.. I've been watching all these Youtube videos about the uni I'm going to and a majority of the girls have that mink lashes-beat face-jet black 18inch insta baddie look going on.. I don't have that. What if I'll be the odd one out? I'm so nervous.

No. 554890

>>554884
God, can't you just fuck off? Nobody cares about your bpd hatred, its getting real old. Yeah I have bpd, yeah we are difficult, yeah its a mental illness, yeah whatever. Just go make a bpd hate thread.

>>554878
Maybe, maybe if he wanted to/could realise that he might be autistic, we could work on it. But he looks down on aspies and makes fun of them, even though he has the same traits he mocks. And he gets horrible defensive when I suggest it, even though he have a lot of the same traits I do and he is 100% sure I'm a sped lol.

No. 554891

>>554876
I never wore much makeup in my life so I made peace with that fact. I'd rather not attract attention at all than only getting it when I'm caked on products. Eat well, exercise, get decent sleep.

No. 554896

>>554889
Think about it, the types of people to make those YouTube videos and look like that aren't everyone at a uni. There is hundreds of other students that will look, act and think differently. I worried about the same thing but at the end of the day your not there to fit in your there to learn and yeah, there are a lot of girls that look like that but there is an equal amount that don't.

Try not to get caught up creating an idyllic university experience in your head either cause reality is always different. I think a lot of students look at uni with rose tinted glasses and forget that it's not that special when your actually there and working on your assignments.

No. 554904

I have a goal to lose weight before I meet up with a guy I've been talking to during covid, which won't be for months yet. We video chat every day but I'm convinced the camera makes me look way better than irl cause it doesn't show my acne scars. Plus it's not like it captures my girth all at once. I'm obese now and I'll be obese when I meet him, but at least if he rejects me irl I can walk away knowing I gave it my best shot. He says he finds me attractive even though I'm clearly insecure about the weight, and he's already calling me his gf. We talk about our future plans together. And yet I know I'm not satisfied with verbal assurances. Since mid March I've lost 10 pounds just by readjusting my diet, no exercise besides walking outside in a blue moon because I hate exercise and have mental traumas associated with it. Still though it's going good so far despite having bad days. I've been more thoughtful about what I eat and have only been tempted once since the start of covid to eat fast food with a family member.

Anyways.
He's tall, fit, and my type. Maybe his habits will rub off on me. I really want this to work. I know what I have to do to change and that I could because I have before, I just fear sinking back into a dark place and losing all my progress like what happened last time. Well, wish me luck.

No. 554915

>>554904
Good luck, anon! Now is a great time to start new healthy habits, and it seems like you're on the right track. You should consider seeing a therapist if you're that averse to exercise, though.

Also, you shouldn't hide how you look, but you shouldn't act insecure around him or self-sabotage either. Just accept that he finds you attractive now and deal with any issues that may arise (doubtful unless you're applying a ton of filters) when the time comes to meet him in person. Acting like you're an unattractive fraud is a great way to make other people think so too. At the very least it is exhausting to deal with somebody who puts themselves down all the time.

No. 554928

File: 1589740382157.gif (1.54 MB, 230x230, BC7CB013-6318-4C61-BABB-728C3B…)

>gets back from store with all the ingredients, hyped for delicious pastry making
>finds out the food scale is broken and the weed scale is nowhere to be found
The universe is a cruel uncaring void

No. 554932

>>554928
That sucks, anon!!
(Unrelated, but that gif is killing me. rofl)

No. 554933

If I don't stop being an alcoholic soon I'm pretty sure I'm going to fuck over my health permanently. I just don't see the point in being sober though. I feel like I have nothing to be sober for if that makes any sense. I live alone in a tiny apartment with just my cat. I have no friends, no goals for the future, just whiskey and a job that pays moderately well. Life seems boring and uneventful and meaningless. The only way I have any fun is when I drown out all the bad thoughts. I know that in the future, if I do finally find something worth living for, I will have already destroyed my health though, and that scares me. I should probably see a therapist.

No. 554938

>>554933
Can I ask why being drunk alone is more fun? I don't want to lecture you or anything I just don't get why it's better than playing a lot of videogames or watching lots of netflix and I want to understand
A therapist sounds good though, and also trying not to keep any booze in the house if you can

No. 554946

File: 1589743032033.jpg (48.55 KB, 612x612, stop being poor.jpg)

I've become very successful and can't stop feeling guilty about it, especially when I think about how much most of my peers are struggling. I know that some of my success can be attributed to skill and motivation, but privilege limited how badly I could fail during a rough patch, and talent allowed me to outperform my peers in my field while putting in a fraction of the effort. I feel like I don't deserve what I have. And then I think about how much younger generations are going to struggle and how much of an advantage my (hypothetical) kids would have and feel even worse.

>>554933
>I feel like I have nothing to be sober for if that makes any sense.
At some point (if you haven't hit it already), even before you become physically dependent, drinking is going to make you feel incredibly shitty in every conceivable way and you'll need to drink more in order to feel better; that cycle alone is enough reason to quit drinking heavily. You sound depressed and really should see a therapist.

No. 554947

>>554938
It's the only way I stop thinking about my crippling loneliness long enough to do those things (video games/media binge). I can't even marathon a show without getting distracted by depressing thoughts. When I'm drunk I don't think as much and can just enjoy myself.

No. 554949

>>554946
Anon you can send me money to lessen your guilt

No. 554965

I feel like no matter how hard I try, I am just not cut out for school. I do my best and get mostly straight A's, but I've never been able to manage more than 12 units (amerifag for 4 classes) at a time. I also can't work more than part-time on this schedule without literally losing my mind from all the stress and pressure. I'm already burnt out as hell after doing this for almost 4 years. I recently cut back to 3 classes per semester because my mental health was so bad that I was contemplating suicide. My life had lost all color and I'd stopped doing all of my hobbies because I was so focused on school. It was like I couldn't find time to do anything fun anymore. Sometimes I didn't even have the energy when I actually did get a bit of down time and would just spend it lying in bed watching Netflix. I like my major, but I've always struggled to focus and adhere to the strict schedule required to get high grades in school. I don't want to use this as an excuse, but after struggling this much even after almost 4 years of maintaining a high GPA, I'm really starting to wonder if I have a learning disability of some kind.

I'm also in a field that is very competitive in terms of grad schools. I know people who are taking 5+ classes while working almost full-time, getting research experience done on the side as well, and they're still able to maintain a high GPA. I feel like my efforts are nothing in comparison for this, and that no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to be a competitive applicant for grad school. School makes me miserable anyway, so maybe that's a good thing at the end of the day that at this point I've basically given up on the idea of grad school. I just worry that I'm never going to land a career that I like and can actually support myself with if I only have a bachelor's degree. I'm basically surrounded by people claiming that I'm dooming myself to Starbucks-tier positions for the rest of my life if I don't apply to grad school, and I don't really have any evidence to suggest this won't be the case. The only people I know who are making decent money without a BA, or without anything higher than a BA, are working in IT.

No. 554967

anons… i dated a real life onision. i dont think you understand. LITERALLY AN ONION BOY… i swear this isnt a lie or a joke

>met guy, hit it off well, fall in love

>guy turns out to be a low key asshole, constantly threatens to break up with me if i dont act the way he wants me to. always puts down my degree, my hobbies, my religion, my apperance, everything i do pretty much
>i love this guy for some reason. i really do
>onion boy tells me weed is bad and that it rots your brain. that only fuck ups use it.
>i like weed. i begged him time after time to let me use it. he said "dont talk to me about this ever again"
>i took it as "i dont want to know about this"… and i got depressed… and i used weed… this was months ago.. like november 2019
>he asks me recently if ive been using. i say no cause i know that if i admit it hes gonna dump me and i love this guy but he just doesnt listen to anyone but himself
>he says okay
>next morning, he tells me we need to talk on monday. i push him all day till he finally tells me whats wrong
>during the morning, HE HACKED MY FACEBOOK AND MY WATTSAPP!!! AND HE READ ALLL OF MY CONVERSATIONS WITH MY CLOSEST FRIENDS!!! he dug up so much dirt, accused me of cheating (not true) and found out about the weed, found all kinds of shit, me telling my friends how he treated me and my friends telling me to break up with him and me going "ill think about it but i love him :(", saw my suicidal shit, EVERYTHING, he went through all of my closest friends shit and went MONTHS before
>called me a liar, broke up with me and berated me for like an hour saying i was the worst person he had ever met and shit

this was yesterday. im so heartbroken. i couldnt sleep last night. i feel so guilty that i pushed him away. i shouldnt have lied. im so stupid anons. i know i shouldnt love him but i do. and hes never going to forgive me for this. anons i dont know what to do. how to move on from this. from this guilt and how to not fall into this shit again. in my last relationship i got cheated on… then in this one… this happens… we were together for one year. please help me

No. 554970

>>554965
If you're this stressed as an undergrad then a
PhD would wreck you. What are you studying?

No. 554971

>>554967
I'm not going to judge you for falling for this guy, but he is clearly very dangerous and abusive. You need to block him on every imaginable platform and try your damndest not to let any lingering feelings you have for him tempt you into contacting him.

Do you have RL friends who could help support you through this? I'm really concerned for you because this guy sounds straight up psychopathic and the most important thing you need to do right now is stay away from him.

No. 554972

>>554967

to add to this, i dont think im ever going to be loved. i have a hard time going out making friends and i dont wanna meet people through tinder anymore after him.. i feel like im never going to meet someone good to me again. i miss my ex (not him, an ex that was with me for four years) because she gave me so much care and love. and i feel like im never going to have that again. EVER. because im a fucking no good loner

No. 554973

>>554970
Psychology. I'd never consider a PhD lmao. I was thinking more along the lines of a 2-3 year master's program if I were to continue my studies at all.

No. 554974

Everyone makes comments how women are insecure about their age but my God do men lie about theirs so fucking much especially on apps.
The guy is clearly in his mid-30s or even older but he says he's 24. No way.
Also, creepy men that are 50+ "mistakenly" put they're 20 something too probably just to get a chance at younger girls.
I won't even start how many guys say something like, I look young for my age. No dude, you do not. You look not only your age but even older. just because you dress as a frat boy and have the maturity of a teen, does not make you look younger.

No. 554976

>>554971

i do have friends that can help me with this, but i have to put up a strong face and pretend this doesnt hurt. but it hurts so bad. they all tell me its for the best because he has always been kinda mean and they alaways told me to dump him. and i mean every single one of them told me to dump him. so theyre happy about this. but im not. im suffering so much and i dont want to dissapoint them

>>554967

he didnt let me dye my hair, in fact made me change my red hair to a boring black… made me stop doing cosplays or going to cons…. constantly made fun of my body and everything about me. pressured me into believing in god when i truly dont. made me insecure about everyhting. tried to push me away from my closest friends. didnt understand my mental illness or tried to. even said i shouldnt go to therapy, that i was going to be sick forever. list goes on and on, why do i miss him?

No. 554979

>>554973
Hah, I figured. It's good that you're not thinking of pursuing a PhD because, as I'm sure you know, academic jobs are in very short supply and the most challenging aspects of getting the degree involve dealing with eccentrics and narcissists and coping with the fact that you're doing slave labor to advance someone else's career.

If you get a taught master's then you should be totally fine; you can even do a part-time program. It's true that you probably won't make a lot of money without one, so it's worth looking into. If you like research, you could consider aiming for a career in UX; good researchers make a lot of money and it's a fun job with none of the downsides of academia.

No. 554980

>>554976
>why do i miss him?

It sounds like you don't value yourself. Maybe it makes more sense to you to have a guy treat you horribly as opposed to one who will support and appreciate you for who you are. If you don't believe you deserve better treatment, you're not going to be attracted to those who will treat you well.

At the end of the day, even if you don't love yourself, it's not worth the agony that comes with chronic abuse. You just end up feeling worse. I had to learn that the hard way, too.

Learning to love and value yourself, even if you have to fake it at times, is so much healthier in the long run than dating guys who treat you like shit. It's not going to feel natural or comfortable at first, but it gets easier with time and effort.

No. 554981

Reading up on how to self treat bedbugs because I’m already getting eaten alive when I sleep and with my city’s hot and humid summer approach, it’s only going to add fuel to the fire. Reading these guides off reddit and other official govt pamphlets, things feel possible! It’s definitely going to be labor intensive, but it’s do-able… except my parents are fucking DUMBDUMBS and I know they’re going to make everything 100 times harder than they need to be. They’re already making things worse by using heavily fragranced sprays to keep them out of their bed for a day or two. They never fucking listen to me. I don’t know if they’re reacting to the bites or not, but I am and I react TERRIBLY to them. I use my eczema anti-itch balm more for these itchy bites than I do for my actual eczema. I’m fucking tired of this!!!! I want to be able to sleep in peace again!!! FFFUCKKKK

No. 554982

>>554979
Thanks for the advice, and for not dumping on me for being retarded at school lmao. I tend to get a lot of "pull yourself up by bootstraps" comments if I talk about my struggles with this.

I'm not actually sure if I like research or not. I have basically no experience with it. I really hate math and stats, so I figure it might not be a great fit for me. I feel like I do better on the counseling side of psychology, even though I don't have much interest in becoming a therapist. I've considered academic counseling as a possibility, but to my understanding, those jobs are in really high demand and difficult to land.

Honestly, one of my biggest concerns with grad school and with any career I end up with in general is that I'm going to end up having to commit so much time to it that I'm no longer going to be able to do my hobbies. I'm someone who is very passionate about art and creative writing, and I get the most enjoyment out of that than doing anything else.

Ultimately, at this point, I just want a job that I don't totally hate, pays enough that I can get by without too much stress, and to still have time to enjoy my hobbies.

No. 554984

Some days all my motivation goes down the drain and the only thing I can think off is "what's the point?".

No. 554985

>>554981
I hate to say it, anon, but after dealing with bedbugs many times over in one particular place I stayed at for many years, professional treatment was the only thing that finally got them gone for good. Bedbugs are extremely difficult to treat, because they can hide in virtually anything and are really resistant to things that kill most other bugs, like extreme temperatures. Are you and your family not able to afford a professional, or are they just being stubborn about it?

No. 554986

>>554976
Jesus get a fucking grip. Your friends would understand that it’s normal to be heartbroken even if it was an abusive relationship. Sit down and write down a list of every single fucked up thing he has done to you and describe exactly how they made you feel. Every time you feel like you miss him, read this list over and over until the feeling subsides. Have you blocked him everywhere? Do it. Then do something that’s engaging like cooking, video game, arts. Go get some Manic panic and dye your hair. Put on some makeup, talk to your friends.

No. 554987

File: 1589750443345.png (386.2 KB, 917x468, dfgdfgadfaa.png)

tfw no gf

No. 554989

>>554982
School isn't easy for everyone, it doesn't mean that you're a failure or anything. You just have to get through it. A full-time master's program would be about as time-consuming as undergrad, but it would also increase the chance that you get a job that isn't soul-sucking, like HR or sales.

Though if you're passionate about art, a career in marketing might be fun for you, or UX design if you are into that sort of thing. If you do get a master's then going into art therapy might be more interesting than other forms of counseling, plus you could set your own hours. If you hate stats then there are purely qualitative UX researchers, though there's usually a limit to how far they can advance.

Sorry for solutionizing your life, lol

No. 554990

>>554985
My dad first found a bedbug months ago in December and didn’t do anything about it. He figured he killed the one bug biting him and that was it. We live in a co-op and he’s on the board but decided that it was done and over with so he hasn’t said anything about it. Now that corona is here and our city has been hit very hard by it, he’s decided to not tell management/the board until lockdown lifts. I’m personally also very wary of strangers coming into our home at the moment because my parents have a laundry list of medical issues and I’m terrified if they get it. My parents (mainly my stubborn dad) has a lot of junk and keeps his clutter all around the house and refuses to throw anything out so I know that already makes things worse.

Professional treatment is also definitely going to be very expensive and my parents have a lot of debt already. I’m debt free and can probably afford it, but I’ve given up over half my savings to cover all the bills recently, and currently only work a minimum wage temp job that I’m only guaranteed to be in for just a few more weeks (have been job hunting for months now but corona shutting shit down put a stop to it) so my financial priority is keeping a roof over our heads. Just a lot of bad things happening at once. I’m going to buy some Cimexa and plastic sheeting and try to do as much as I can to fend them off, and hopefully at a later date when I can more comfortably pay for professional treatment, I will.

No. 554991

>>554967
you deserve so much better. you need to know your worth. someday you'll find someone who truly loves all of you and won't make you "beg" to let you do something.
don't talk to him ever again. no, not even for "closure". there's no closure with assholes like that.

No. 554993

>>554594
online job applications are slave labor and 95% of the time nobody will even fucking read it. i don't waste my time with taleo or any of that worthless scammy bullshit anymore

No. 555004

>>554981
If nothing else, get the little cups to go under your bed legs that keep them from getting onto your bed, get a bed bug proof mattress cover and pillow covers, launder all your bedding in hot water and dry them.
Keep your bed 18 inches or more away from the wall and don't touch it unless you've showered and changed into clean pajamas that have been stored in an airtight container. That should at least keep them off your bed.
I'm sorry anon, I had them a couple years ago and it was awful. I've heard that they don't like lavender scent so maybe use some scented lotion if you can't get everything cleaned right away

No. 555008

My boyfriend hit me last night. He has always been incredibly violent when angry (and it isn’t hard for him to become angry) but usually he punches the walls, door, kicks stuff on the floor, sometimes yells or insults me. One time he grabbed my phone and tried to snap it in half but I freaked out and cried and he stopped.

Last night he hit me hard in my face when I was telling him I don’t like it when he looks at other random girls on Instagram because it makes me self conscious of my body (I have small boobs and he prefers bigger boobs so kinda hurts/embarrassed me if he liked girls with big boobs photos, and I mean almost ALL their photos, he rarely likes mine, I know sounds stupid and petty af now but yeah) anyway while I was saying something negative about my boobs he hit me in the face. I cried a lot and a while later I exasperatedly tried to get him to understand how I felt I brought up how we keep having this same conversation and I keep telling him the same thing, how I feel and he’ll say he will stop but then he doesn’t. This must be the 3rd or 4th time. Last time he literally followed a basically porn account of some prostitute overseas so I was upset. While I was saying that he grabbed my head to hold it still and started smashing his head into my head 2-3 times.

No. 555011

>>555008
anon, please i'm begging you leave him now. can you stay with family or a friend?
he isn't going to change. i'm sorry you had to go through that and it's going to hurt, but the longer you stay, the more hurt you will feel, both mentally and physically.

No. 555012

>>554967

changed my password yesterday, but today there was login attempt for my wattsapp and a facebook login from an unknown place. he must have read my messages where i told my friends things were better like this, now hes never going to take me back. fuck

No. 555017

>>555004
Thanks anon! Unfortunately I have a loft bed held up with big slabs of wood on either side rather than legs (pls no bully, it was my first bed after my parents decided I didn’t need to sleep in a crib anymore, I’m small and never outgrew it, and at this point my bedroom is too small to sacrifice the space it saves me and I’d rather deal with it and invest in a proper adult bed when I move out). The good thing I can probably dust the entire structure and lure the bedbugs into walking through it since they have to climb up it to get to me. Might get the little cups for my parents though!

I want to buy mattress covers too but I’ve also read that 3.5 plastic sheeting is good too. It’s cheaper so do you think it would work to just encase and tape up our mattresses in it? My parents whole existence is literally so counterintuitive to everything I need to do to get rid of bedbugs, so this is going to be the roughest uphill battle… I wish we could get professionals because maybe, just maybe, they’ll listen to professionals telling them to declutter all these unnecessary shit on top of treating our home. We also have a small senior dog who loooves sleeping in all those tight crevices we can’t reach so I have to be extra careful about what I can/can’t use. She doesn’t care to eat or lick anything she’s not supposed to but… I don’t want to take any chances…

No. 555020

>>555017
I just told my dad “hey, I’m buying plastic sheeting and ASG dust, also we have to move your bed away from the wall” and this DUMBASS said “no plastic sheeting doesn’t work, and our bed is already 2-3 inches away from the wall, they aren’t getting up from the wall” and that he’s buying one of those stupid sound or vibration things. Yeah because those definitely work. And then had the audacity to say that it’ll just chase the bugs off to our neighbors and then it’ll be their problem??? As if we don’t live in a huge multi unit building and SPREADING THEM MORE isn’t going to create a bigger issue and a bigger heading for us down the line. Treating just my bedroom is useless but better than nothing I guess. Fucking hate stupid boomers.

No. 555022

I hate how everytime ppl see a young, pretty boy with hair the first advice people give him to "improve" his looks is telling him to shave his head and bulk up. No that would make him worse looking idiots…

No. 555023

>>555008
So, he has the same amount of anger control a toddler has, the strength of a grown man, and no ability in verbalizing his frustration or not attempting murder( any one that hits your head wants to kill you deep down anon) when contradicted.
Can you go live with family or friends? It sounds like a very dangerous situation for you.

No. 555024

>>555022
better than being told to troon out

No. 555026

>>555012
Anon, I hope that you’ll be able to move on and live a better life where you are loved and treated with the respect that you deserve. Break ups suck, losing someone you so dearly love (whether they deserve your love or not) sucks, but after you lift yourself back up without him, you’ll wonder why you ever missed or loved that sack of shit in the first place.

It’s so hard to learn how to love yourself, and so easy to cling onto someone else, but please anon. Please cut all contact with him and start to move on with your life. It’s so easy to be clouded by feelings of love, and yearning to be loved, but this isn’t worth your time, your privacy, or your tears. I truly hope that a few years down the line, you’ll be happier and loved by someone who is good to you, and you’ll see onion boy and spit in his face.

No. 555027

>>554990
Your dad is an idiot. Catching them early is the only way to stop an invasion. Once they breed off your blood, it's professionals only. I had to plastic wrap every thing i owned and toss more then 50 percent when my nyc apartment was invaded in 2016. My room mate was getting bit and didnt tell us until it infected my room. I'm sorry you had to go through this. it's legit the worst thing to deal with. You need to call a person to spray everything and wipe EVERYTHING with alcohol, because their eggs look like dust mites and are insanely hard to detect. they can also lay dormant for up to a year.

If your dad doesnt clean up and throw shit out, they will never go away.

No. 555028

>>555008
Why…Why would you stay with a violent man? I hope you can get into a better situation because no women deserves to ever be in this position. that's awful. Leave him now. You should have left him long ago once he started punching walls and doors…wtf

No. 555032


No. 555034

It's crazy how men are considered the most interesting gender but have the hardest time talking about anything other than their cock. Every day I have to block 10+ men becuz all they can talk about is how cute I am and trying to lurk for nudes.

No. 555043

i used to have such an easy time buying phones through kijiji/craigslist but nowadays i swear every single fucking ad and every seller comes off as a sketchy scammer. 3 years ago buying a phone on here wasn't nearly as terrifying. got stood up twice by a seller 3 weeks ago, just really weird they kept abandoning me in big empty parking lots lmao (now i'm looking back and seeing how dumb it is to meet anonymously in a parking lot, i'm only going to houses from now on) and now this last seller won't give their phone number and reluctantly gave me the IMEI number after i asked. i'm gonna examine this phone so closely. and if it gets blacklisted well i've learnt my lesson. but if anything i'll have their house address and i'll know where they live so i can go fuck them up or call the cops etc. i was so close to buying brand new because i know it's way way safer but ugh i just do not want to spend all the MONEY.

No. 555048

Just because a show has gay people in it doesn't mean it's pandering, Jesus. Gay people actually exist in real life.

No. 555049

>>555020
If you're renting, the landlord may have to pay for it to get treated, you may want to look up laws in your state.

No. 555051

I'm depressed by how much weight i've put on. I feel so ugly and disgusting and there's nothing i can do about it because i still live with ny parents who fill the house up with shit food. If i ask them to buy healthy food, they only buy enough for one meal. I can't wait til qurantine is over so i can buy own food without having to share with my fat fuck family.

No. 555057

>>555049
We live in a co-op. I looked up the laws regarding it and I think how it goes is that we’ll have to pay for our own unit, and the building will have to cover the building. I’m worried we might get slammed with the building’s fees, but it’s incredibly hard to prove we brought the infestation in (my dad thought our visiting relatives brought it in, but he was also buying lots of secondhand fans off facebook at that time too, but I was also waking up breaking out in hives for up to a year prior (no one else was and there was zero signs of bedbugs until recently)). Either way, after even trying to convince him to simply move his mattress away from the wall even more and wrap it up in plastic, I doubt he’d hire a professional, even if I offer to pay for it all.

No. 555059

>>555057
oops, might also be worth mentioning that my parents own our unit in the co-op, we aren’t renting it from someone else lol but either way we’re fucked. Our building does offer regular pest control for other pests via a signup sheet and I don’t think it costs extra, but I would assume they wouldn’t offer bedbug extermination for free to any units that want to take it. They just spent millions completely replacing at least like 10 elevators throughout the entire complex lol

No. 555064

>>555059
i'd hope they'd do this for free since bed bugs travel quickly and you usually have to throw all your stuff away.

No. 555070

i've procrastinated so hard i might fail two courses and lose $1000 in scholarship money if my parents find out i will kill myself

No. 555072

I don't understand why my mental health is becoming so bad all of the sudden. I'm so freaking paranoid about basically everything. I keep panicking because I'm so scared something bad is going to happen and destroy my whole life and make me miserable. I just want peace of mind

No. 555073

I hate that if I give a guy an inch, he’ll immediately try to take a mile - even the married ones. You’re polite to them once and they think they have a chance with you. Had a married guy tell me earlier that he had a dream about me last night. I’m currently trying to find his wife’s social media to blast him. Fuck off.

No. 555078

>>555057
If you're the only one who's sensitive to the bites, that might be why. Only 20% of people actually react to them. If no one has a reaction the infestation can get out of control more easily because by the time you actually see them, it's a major infestation.

Also, not sure if you know this but they wont bite through clothes. So cover up as much as possible (this will probably suck if you're in a hot place). I was getting the bites on my feet, arms and chest and thought nothing of it until I learned that… those were the parts of my body that were exposed. Unfortunately you can't do much about your face but you can wear gloves and socks along with long sleeves and pants.

No. 555089

Alright, I can't sleep so I just want to type this up because I have basically nobody I can tell about this.

This is the story about how I'm thoroughly misunderstood.

People have assumed the worst about me for the longest time. I don't really know why. I'm not innocent or anything, I have a weird creepy past, but I was under the impression that I moved past that as I don't really do that anymore.
And by creepy I just mean social situations that I don't actually understand and come off as overbearing or too interested.

An artist acquaintance of mine takes commissions and I recently got a job so I thought "hey, I'll commission something and help her out". That's nice right?
I didn't really want anything specific, so I thought maybe I could commission something she could put in her portfolio. I asked her to just draw like a tasteful black and white artsy profile of head, but she thought I was asking for a full blow porn picture of herself. I'm not actually paraphrasing here. I wanted to explain myself, but she didn't really want to hear me out–understandable because she believes I just tried to commission porn of her.
But that's not what I wanted nor was it my intention. I suck at talking and I can totally see how she would think that, but I also totally don't see why she would actually think that unless she just assumes I'm some type of pervert who does this all the time.
Naturally I just stopped interacting with her directly, though I did give her a $30 ko-fi thing.

But that's the sort of thing I'm talking about. People assume the worst because they think I'm the worst and I kinda hate it.

More recently, I creeped another person out. A friend of a friend who I've never interacted with directly. While browsing my friends tumblr, I encountered her tumblr. So I started following it. Occasionally I would post messages and send stuff I thought was fun, because it turns out we had a pretty similar humor. But this was all anonymous because I don't personally have a tumblr. This isn't creepy to me because I'm just interacting with a blog I like and found online. But a few years later (now) I get a twitter and I started following her on twitter because, well, more of the same types of content. I reach out from my own personal twitter because I'm looking to interact with her on a personal level. She doesn't know who I am at first because I don't have my personal information online–I ask her to DM me so I can tell her, but she thinks I'm a cop or something? A mutual friend on mine jokingly supports her theory, which I don't take to mean anything serious. I end up liking the majority of the stuff she tweets and commenting every now and then when I think I have something to add. Posts about anime, scented candles, depression, a bunch of stuff that I also like interacting with.
I have this idea, I can send her a message on her tumblr about something cool I think she might like–nope, apparently this entire time I was stalking her. Our mutual friend chews me out and asks how I even founds her tumblr–despite knowing about it for quite some time.
Apparently her main blog isn't active and because she thinks I interacted with the main blog, and not the side blog she posts on regularly, that I reverse google hack did something to stalk her and find her information online. I can understand if I creeped her out, but that's not what I was trying to do nor did I interact with her in the way she thinks I did. I can understand if I came on too strong, but apparently she thinks I'm stalking her. I can see it from her perspective, but it only makes sense if you don't know mine.

Backstory: The mutual friend and I have a history, and it's somewhat toxic. For years, this friend hung onto something I never realized I said that was very damaging for her. Some line about wanting to take advantage of her stuck with her and for the past 10 years all of our interactions she's had this in the back of her head. Rightly so, that's a scary thing to have to think about. But I can't possibly imagine having said this and I can't find any indication of the context in which this was said. Did I actually mean it or was there some misunderstanding there too? I don't actually remember saying it, but hey, believe all women, so I must have said it. She wouldn't lie and hasn't ever really lied to me. But I don't say those things, and even though I did, I definitely don't anymore.

But her main points were sort of built around this idea that I need to learn how to interact with people online.I can TOTALLY understand that because I don't actually talk to people IRL, but then she brought my mental health into it. She said I needed to talk to my therapist about it, and I will, but that's not really what therapy is for. She says that instead of being lonely and wanting a connection, I have this entitlement to people's lives where I demand to know every aspect of their life. This is kinda crazy to me–I could have a facebook and try to reach out on there, but I don't. I just wanted to talk about leftist politics and I thought it would be fine to talk to her on tumblr about it (btw the message I sent was about writing a letter about how Bernie Sanders is the best choice).
But what really kills me is that my friend feels responsible for me, that she's enabling me. She sees a pattern that I haven't considered. In this past 10 years she says that I negatively impacted 4 specific women and I can understand that, but what I don't understand is how much of a misunderstanding there can be. I tried to talk to her about this, but she said I was pushing some sort of responsibility onto her and didn't want to be the source for all of the solutions I'm asking for. But I never asked for any sort of solution from her, I just wanted to talk. Everyone assumes the worst and I'm sick of it.

At the end of the day my friends says that I need to be able to read context because that's what being an adult is. I don't have tons of practice about this and also my interactions are always online, so I don't know how to do that without either constantly approaching people to ask if I did anything wrong or by going too far and doing something without realizing it. Neither are really solutions and there is no good solution because nobody wants to ask what my intentions are or clarify boundaries.
I can agree that I need to learn how to navigate social situations, and I really am sorry I creeped this lady out, but I'm not a stalker pervert who feels entitled to other people's lives. I just don't understand people and I don't get the chance to because nobody really wants to understand me.

/rant

No. 555091

>>555070
Good luck anon, that was me last semester. Check out your grade forgiveness options and meet with your advisor ASAP.

No. 555093

>>555089
Hi scrote

No. 555106

>>554755
I think the "new" one is even worse. The animation is subpar, the tumblr ideals are shit, and that scene with the "main pair" near the end was taken directly out of Sailor Moon. And don't let me start with that Final Fantasy phenomenon. Hopefully the writer won't get hired again so she won't have the opportunity to shit all over another classic.


>>555020
Tell your dad that maybe (probably) they got into your apartment from another apartment so even if you got rid of them, if the other apartments are still infested, youll keep getting reinfested. I once lived in the 26th floor of a building and was getting ants! Called the exterminator and they got rid of them luckily but they said we were screwed in the long run (would have to keep dealing with the pest) because if the ants have gone aaaall the way up to the 26th floor is because they keep finding food in the floors under us.

No. 555109

>>555089
This is funny because you don’t realize you’re doing exactly the same thing right here on this thread. (Posting a much longer wall of text than anybody else, barging into a website of mostly women complaining about ‘believe all women’, etc)
Sorry man, I think you might be a lost cause. Better to just accept it.

No. 555116

>>555089
Something similar happened to me. Tldr; I'm autistic.
Maybe try and talk to your therapist about this, I hope it will help.

No. 555117

>>555089
Who the fuck has time to read all that.
Fail rant by cringe scrote

No. 555119

>>555117
Yeah, because you have a degree in scrotology.
Did all the assholes woke up today? How come you have no time to read but have time to post your unhelping answer?
Why can't you politely tell her to keep her posts short instead of pointless bitching?
Fuck it, there is no sympathy. Just fucking ignore.

No. 555121

My mums lack of parenting is infuriating but I don't really know what to do about since I don't live with him. The kid is 12 years old and stays up till 3am and wakes up at 12pm. Is allowed to leave the house in filthy clothes, unwashed, unbrushed hair. He has never brushed his teeth ever and is not told to. My mum does not care if he doesn't do any of these things. You need to actually teach hygiene and self respect. I'm constantly stressed out and worried about this child. She's also now just telling everyone that he's autistic because she's never taught him manners and coddles the fuck out of him. He's extremely rude and entitled and it honestly makes me so sad.

No. 555127

I'm waiting for the 5g of Ketamine I probably will kill myself with. It still haven't come in the post and I cried like a bitch in front of the mailbox this morning.
This is rough.

No. 555128

I hate that my relationship with my brother is so bad. Usually I just get angry thinking about him but right now I'm just crying at the sibling relationship I want but can't find a way to have. There's so much animosity between us, and it's been there for so long, I don't know how to change it. Most of the time it doesn't bother me much because it's become so normal, but sometimes when I see my friends with brothers joke around together, laugh together, I feel so sad. I feel like I've failed at what should have been a life-long family connection, and instead I have a brother who doesn't even acknowledge me.

No. 555131

>>555128
I am in the same situation, my sister and I have nothing in common and she has always ignored me unless she wants something from me. For a while, I'd be so happy whenever she interacted with me but then I realised it was for her own self-gain. She doesn't know what I do, study or likes. I get so jealous of seeing sisters who are close and happy, even sisters who fight but still talk. It's hard and I don't have any advice, sorry I also don't know how to change it but I've just come to accept it really. She doesn't care about me so why should I care about her?

No. 555132

>>555127
>>555127
Anon are you okay? Please don't do anything stupid.

No. 555133

>>555132
No, I'm not OK. I've quit my job today. My bf kinda proposed this week end but I know it's only because he feels I'm about to do it. It made feel even worse. There's no coming back from this, I've tried it all. I can't stay this depressed achieving nothing mess all my life. It's just too fucking painful.

No. 555134

>>555133
Why did you quit your job? How do you know he only did it out of pity or whatever?
Do you have anyone to talk to / are you alone?

No. 555138

>>555134
I felt awful at it and don't have the energy to do it anymore.
About bf, he always said that marriage felt useless since we have already have contract-like marriage. Also we were high and told him some heavy shit. I feel awful, like I blackmailed into it. We haven't talked about it since anyway so…
I only have shallow friends. I have the one friend but I know he's not in a good place either.
Anyway, my depression and suicidal ideas have been there for so long that I feel like the boy who cried wolf. People are just tired of it. I've tried all kind of treatment and it never gets better.

No. 555139

Not a troon but was thinking how much easier the male body would be to inhabit. No boobs, no ovaries or a vagina to stress over, generally just easier existance. I am having lots of issues with my repro organs atm so it may have everything to do with but I am genuinely kinda jealous of the low maintenance of the male physique. Inb4 some "yIU JUST WANT A DICK, FREUD SHIT RIGHT HERE" I just wish everything wasn't so prone to get fucked up

No. 555140

>>555089
Why are you here

No. 555141

>>555121
Who is this child? The way you talk about him it sounds like he’s not your sibling? Is he a relative? A foster child? Can you contact cps or something if you’re really that worried?

No. 555144

>>555091
thanks, i really hope the grade forgiveness works out. hoping they'll be understanding. i'm trying to shit out something to turn in and it's so bad.

No. 555145

I feel like I’m cursed or something. The trope is that people like me, who choose shitty men to date, were raised by a single parent, or saw a lot of abuse growing up, etc. That kind of thing. But I don’t even have that excuse. My parents are still married. Only saw my parents really fight on one occasion.

I just keep fucking my life up. My first serious boyfriend (2-3 years during high school, and a few months after graduation)
Was abusive. He’d force me to have sex with him, and if I didn’t he would yell and scream, and also yell and scream at his little sister who was only like 5, and also throw things at her. So I’d always give in to make him stop. My first time was with him when I had just turned 16 and looking back it was basically rape. He was just grinding on me in our underwear and then he made me take off my underwear and promised to just grind, not actually penetrate me, but suddenly he thrust his dick into me and tried to have sex with me but I started crying and made him stop and there was blood everywhere. He often touched me in public when I didn’t want it. I tried to break up and he followed me and stalked me and manipulated me into taking him back. His parents were on and off and he saw his dad beat his mom before so I assume that’s where he got his behavior from.

After that I married a guy who ended up lying about a lot of things, like where he was, who he was with, and I caught him searching for child porn one time. He always borrowed money from me even though I was a part timer and he worked at a huge company for a good salary. He got fat, smelly, lazy, he wouldn’t even watch his one dinner dish “I’ll do it later, I’ll do it before bed, I’ll do it tomorrow morning…” he also stole about $1000 that friends and family gave us for our marriage gift. Keyword US. Not just him. But he took it all and spent it on god knows what. His dad also left his family when he was a child and had like a mental break and dyed his hair in blonde and black striped and went nuts. I’m separated from him, divorce in the works, but the new guy I’m with that I thought was perfect for me and I gave up a lot of things to be with him is probably shitty too. Tbh there were warning signs. A lot. But I had left my husband and this guy and I DO really get alone when times are good. I’ve never felt more in love or more comfortable with somebody before. He says the same. But he’s aggressive and violent and punches things when angry and has hit me on a couple occasions. For some reason I’m still so attached to him and want him to love me forever and not let me go. I’m a moron I guess. But I don’t know why I keep attracting these guys. Or they attract me.

No. 555146

>>555138
Stop with your individualistic ramblings. Don't you have any ideology at all?
You have no other beliefs in your life that you would die for, save for your meaningless, personal existence? For shame.
How consumed are you by the "life" that you think is "yours"? All of these feelings and thoughts you have have all been constructed and influenced by men and demons alike in some board room somewhere. Your desire to be happy, and your depression when you can't be happy via the cheap emotional "outlets" they provide, like marriage, movies, material goods, engineered food.
Wake the fuck up. Devote yourself to an ideology that is bigger than yourself. Devote yourself to an idea and a community. If you feel your life is so worthless that you cannot even individually live it, sacrifice that idea and give it up to a collective ideology.
Make it the reason you wake up, eat, save money and devote your intelligence and skills towards it.

No. 555147

>>555106
He thinks the sound/vibration thing will actually work and will keep them from reinfesting our apartment lol. He’s a fucking idiot.

No. 555148

>>555146
I wish it was simple as that. I just can't pick something. It feels like pretend and I always like I'm actually contributing absolutely nothing.

No. 555149

>>555131
I feel you anon. I'm the older sibling too so I was always expected to be the more mature one and overlook my brothers faults, or forgive the way he speaks / treats me, but I can't bring myself to do that anymore. But ultimately, I'm the one who loses out on having a brother I can rely on. It sucks, any anons reading this, if you have a good relationship with your siblings don't take it for granted.

No. 555152

>>555089
this site is for women, how rude of you to come here and think we should listen to your problems.

No. 555154

I'm 28 and I've just given up on males and feel no interest in dating.looking back at my 20s I regret so much time wasted being sad over them and I dont want to waste anymore of my youth on that. They're just boring,usually not that nice and a lot of them fuck women they dont even know raw. Most men look so old in my age group too…like I look at women and they look their age or younger but men in my age group are all starting to look like 40…
I even tried dating younger…yes a 19 year old boy is cute with nice hair BUT but they're all rapey, pornsick and addicted to games.
I'm not even sad that I've given up on men, I feel relieved that I finally dont feel the need to have a bf…the only sad part is I have 0 female friends, I feel like if I had friends this wouldnt be lonely. I just woke up feeling so good not just saying I dont need a man but actually feeling it.

No. 555156

>>555154
i'm younger than you, but i feel similarly, albeit more for reasons that have to do with myself, and the state of my own life. you're not alone, and i think it's good to shed the tunnel vision of feeling like you "need" a man to be happy or enjoy life.
even if you've lost hope for the time being, i think your likelihood of meeting a quality partner tends to increase when you focus on bettering yourself. being unwilling to put up with shitty and stupid nonsense seems to go a long way, too. i really hope you find some female friends you can connect with and get to know on a deeper level. good luck, anon.

No. 555158

>>555148
You can. When you find something that is timeless and follows the law of nature, you will know.
For now I suggest devoting yourself to studying classic and modern ideologies.
Go through the political spectrum, go through the morality spectrum. What is it about each ideology that pulled people to it in the past? How did their actions reflect their belief in said ideologies and philosophy?
How can YOU devote yourself to it?
For now I suggest radically changing the way you view and think about society. Do not feel despair when you are unable to fit inside of it, or are unable to obtain any meaning from it. It is designed to cause this angst and self loathing and prescribe you pharmaceuticals, hedonistic pleasures and lies, which only further the suffering.

Start thinking about WHY we have the social norms we have.
Why is binging media for hours at a time a funny or good thing?
Why is taking multiple medications acceptable and why do so many people do it?
Why do we feel like we owe our employers our lives when they ritualistically abuse us and dehumanize us?
Why do we sit in cars and trains and buses for hours at a time to go to these things?
Why wouldn't the government provide us with better workers rights?
Why do we stuff our faces with food that has been engineered with millions of dollars to be addicted as possible?
Why is it becoming illegal to grow your own food?
In some countries, why are there certain historical events you will go to jail for questioning?

Think about these things, think about how you participate in them and why. Think about alternatives, think about how you can get your boyfriend involved in this.

Your life lacks meaning now because it has been CREATED and CONDITIONED to lack meaning. That is the default in this society. You are born and die a consumer, if you fail to ascend to devoting yourself to an ideology.

No. 555160

>>555154
Early 30s here and in a similar place. Dated guys from 19 to 29 and looking back I didn't gain anything, the happy moments certainly didn't outweigh the stress. I'm a couple years into being single now and I'm content for the first time in my adult life, also I'm off antidepressants for the first time as an adult and feeling fine.. realising that made me want the last decade back lol

No. 555162

>>555160
If I could go back and be 19 again I would just stay a virgin. I'd have my self esteem and mental health.

No. 555163

>>555156
Maybe once I start my new job I'll be able to find female friends. I didnt understand when I was young how important friendship is…

No. 555166

>>555051
Just eat less? Calories in, calories out

No. 555172

>>555034
>I have to block 10+ men

Leave the Internet and go out for once.

No. 555173

>>555172
>go out for once

Where?everything is closed because of corona virus

No. 555176

>>555173
Wait till that's over

No. 555178

my boyfriend is so irresponsible that we were supposed to go on a date in an hour but now i have to pay for him and also provide him a mask (they're mandatory).
he'll be able to pay me back tomorrow, but i want to call it off and tell him to stop acting like a fucking teenager.

No. 555183

File: 1589807170896.jpg (80.98 KB, 259x383, fbf.jpg)

I just want a decent salad. The grocery stores are still short stocked and people are still buying out certain things, so every time I go all the good produce kinda sucks. The lettuce sucks.
I'd order from a restaurant but the last salad I tried to have to-go was so pathetic I'm scared to try it again. They gave me half when I paid for full, and somehow managed to wilt my lettuce leaves from putting my box on top of something hot, while making the separate box of my grilled chicken incredibly cold.
I'm trying to grow small lettuce plants on my apartment patio but it's very low yield and takes forever to regrow. Really only good for a handful of sandwich roughage and that's it.
I wanted to make carrot lox for my bagels too. No good carrots at the store and for whatever reason some savage bought out all the liquid smoke. Yeah I know first world problems and all that but it's annoying.

No. 555194

>>555173
Maybe try going to a park or a hike
Most establishments are closed, but you're still allowed to go outside

No. 555196

>>555194
nta but where i live public parks are closed.

No. 555205

>>555158
>In some countries, why are there certain historical events you will go to jail for questioning?
Trying to radicalize a suicidal girl on a gossip imageboard, nice work faggot. Pointing out some of the flaws in capitalism and nudging someone towards retarded WN propaganda isn't going to make their life worth living…

No. 555213

>>555196
what about federal parks?

No. 555217

>>555205

That was literally one of the most disgusting things i've ever seen on this board, fucking nationalists are scum of the earth.

I hope anon is ok.

No. 555219

>>555205
Amazing how much scrote energy it oozes.

No. 555221

File: 1589819083884.gif (883.51 KB, 540x304, dfdsf.gif)

Finally had the guts to interact with a guy from my city i really want to be friends with in social media and he didn't answer my DM (its been weeks ok), im unbelievably bummed out because he seems pretty awesome.

No. 555228

tfw absolute butterface
my body is my ideal but it's ruined by my ugly ass face kill me

No. 555234

I feel like I've hit rock bottom mentally/emotionally. I used to have strong opinions but now I can't see things in a way other than "whatever", every side of life is equally plain and boring and without anything that catches my attention.

No. 555235

>>555221
Good for you anon

No. 555236

Last night I sent my mom a message that was practically a suicide note confessing why I'm so depressed and sad all the time and received no response 12 hours later.

No. 555237

>>555236
'practically' a suicide note?

No. 555243

>>555237
It was me venting, but reading it back it it came across as very serious. I wouldn't ignore a message like the one I sent.

No. 555244

>>555243
I don't know the ins and outs of your situation but IME messages like that feel manipulative so that might explain the lack of response

No. 555277

It really grosses me out how "autist" had become a casual insult on image boards.

No. 555282

>>555277
I got an adult diagnosis so tbh my first few months after diagnosis I was pretty touchy reading it on here.. guess the word grew on me though, I weirdly love it now.

No. 555288

>>555277
>had become
>had become
>had become
Jesus go the fuck back to whatever hell hole you came from

No. 555298

>>555277
lmao imagine being this much of a little bitch

No. 555307

>>555288
dude shut up

No. 555308

>>555277
It's been an insult for over a decade. And autistic people are by and large quite unpleasant

No. 555309

Still traumatized by that time I ate ass of a man in his 30s when I was 16. Mental illness. So embarassed by myself.
I hope god blesses me with death soon.

No. 555313

My dad has to act like such a fucking martyr all the time and I'm so sick of it. "I bought this for you, why are you so ungrateful?!" like you stupid fucking dumbshit. No one asked you to buy thousands of dollars of jewelry for us, NONE OF US WANT IT, and now you and mom are in debt because of it. This stupid dumbass bought several used fans off facebook… WHAT IS THE POINT? JUST BUY A NEW ONE. "Well the person said they never used it and are selling it for so much cheaper!" You fucking IDIOT, just BUY A NEW ONE. Now we have at least 7 fucking fans, two of which are weak as fuck and he says he'll constantly clean them and screams at us if we try to bring up throwing them out because ~*~*they totally work, he just has to clean them*~*~ meanwhile all he does is sit on his ass and watch TV.

He bought me a $2k luxury watch for my birthday last year. What was the point? I think it was because I asked if he could get a battery replacement for one of my cheap watches, and this stupid dumbass comes out with a $2k watch. When am I going to wear this out? What is the point of it? Thankfully it's a quartz movement so I just leave it in the box (he was super offended when he found out it was quartz, as if I want to wear this expensive watch outside and get jumped for it). He didn't have $2k laying around to afford it, he just charged it to his stupid credit card as usual. I love my dad but I wish he would learn some fucking common and fiscal sense. I don't even know how my mom keeps a roof over our heads. She owes me $6k now because I've been letting her pull from my savings to cover all the bills and everything, and I want that money back because it was supposed to be my safety net money from when I eventually move out, but I feel so bad asking for that money because where the fuck is she supposed to pull $6k from on top of paying the thousands of dollars worth of credit card debt that my dad has racked up?! I've posted about him before, and I know he owes $12k on just one of his many credit cards. God knows how much more my parents owe. I know my mom had to take out a loan when I was in highschool for like $20k because this dumbass can't stay off auction websites and bid on two things thinking he would win one or the other and he won BOTH things (stupid jewelry again) and it totaled up to like $20k. There was another incident where he bought an expensive rolex to give to my uncle (because my uncle said he wanted a rolex), did not ask my uncle "hey is this one okay?" beforehand, and when he tried to present it to uncle and ask to be paid back, my uncle's friend said "no its all fake" (there was some authenticity certificate that came with it too) and my uncle believed his friend. He constantly says "well, you'll inherit all of this in the future!" you idiot, nothing holds its worth better than gold. If you wanted to throw stupid amounts of money on jewelry for me to inherit, then buy gold instead of all the tacky diamond shit you buy.

Sorry for the wall of text but I'm so sick of watching my dad act like a 15 year old trustfund kid who's got access to rich daddy's credit card. My coworkers were bewildered when I paid off my student loans in just two years after graduating on top of having a good chunk in savings, but it's because I live in constant fear of being tied to debt like my parents. It's literally not that hard to say "hey, I don't need this extremely expensive material item." Stupid dumbfuck can't even be bothered to throw out the tons of packaging it comes in.

No. 555319

>>553398
Are you me?

No. 555320

>>555313
You’re not getting that money back from your parents, stop lending it.

No. 555321

>>555313
My uncle is the same way. Plays music at bars for tips but will just randomly shell out for a new car out of the blue. How did he afford it? I probably don't want to know because then I'll feel some sense of wanting to help dig him out of this hole he just made.

No. 555322

>>555320
this 1000x
wisen up fast anon

No. 555327

>>555320
I know I shouldn't, but I volunteered the money because it keeps a roof over my head and food on my plate too. It went to my mom, who handles most of the finances and is actually responsible (we’ve lent and paid back money between each other before for other things- just never as much as $6k). I’m sure a chunk of money went to loan payments, but I know our utilities can get pretty pricey. They’re getting unemployment through my dad’s job so hopefully I won’t have to lend her any more money.

No. 555334

I hate my father
I hate it when he isn't hesitant to insult me and tell me "I can't think right"I have never loved him and I love acting fake around him because he doesn't deserve my sincerity at least my mother would never insult me just because I did something wrong

No. 555337

>>553408
Same here
Not to mention my own dad is such an ingrate on how me & my brothers turned out to be,hello thank you dad for raising us in a shitty way
And he hates my mother with a burning passion to the point that it's an unhealthy obsession with her

No. 555354

LOST 660$ BECAUSE I'M A RETARD WHO DECIDED TO FUCKING ~GET A DEAL UWU SAVE MONEY UWU~ INSTEAD OF JUST BUYING FROM THE APPLE STORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!! WHY. it's not blacklisted it's a fucking DEMO PHONE WHERE HALF THE STORAGE IS FILLED WITH GAMING DEMO APPS. AND OF COURSE THIS FAGGOT CUNT HID THEM ALL ON THE THIRD PAGE SO IT WASN'T OBVIOUS AND MADE THE REST OF THE PHONE LOOK NORMAL. AND I THOUGHT I HAD HIS HOUSE ADDRESS BUT IT WAS PROBABLY JUST A FUCKING FAKE SETUP OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I NEVER ACTUALLY SAW HIM GO INSIDE!!!!! I HATE MY RETARD BRAIN!!!

i just want to forget this ever happened. it makes me sick and i can't do anything, cops can' do shit, i can't do shit, i'm stuck with 660$ gone and my pathetic idiot brain. kill me please. i hope after i vent i can just move on, not freak out, resell it for some money letting the person know it's a demo and i don't know. cracked iphone 6 forever :)) i guess that's what i get.

No. 555361

>>555354
That's infuriating, I'd be raging too. But whenever I waste money, I try to remind myself there's no use crying over spent cash and in the long run it's not a life changing amount of money.

And instead of using a cracked iphone, maybe you can look into getting a cheap android phone just to tide you over until you can get a new iphone? It might make you feel better to have a new phone even it's not your preferred brand.

No. 555363

>>555361
thanks anon. but after this experience my little old 6 has never looked more beautiful lol. i don't think i'll even end up getting the same phone i tried to get today just because it's so tainted. but then again i guess i can just get a different colored one and that will help, because i also already ordered a really nice case for that model :( yeah at least it was only 660, i can save that back up again fairly quick but i'm just obv and reasonably frustrated.

No. 555365

>>555354
Serves you right, iShill

No. 555367

>>555048
It's frustrating because all i hear is 'that shit sucks. gays doing it again' when gay people barely exist in media, especially lesbians who have zero representation that isnt sexualized by men.

No. 555368

>>555365
ironically i should have shilled and just bought from apple lol me not full out shilling is the problem here.

No. 555369

>>555073
Guys are disgusting and it's literally impossible to be friends with them because they always have shady reasons for sticking around.

No. 555372

>>555369
Wrong imagebaord, femcel

>>555367
Then make your own shows instead of shoehorning your agenda in kid's shows

No. 555378

how do i get my boyfriend to wash his DAMN HANDS!!! SMH none of the men i've dated wash their hands frequently what's wrong with men

No. 555382

>>555378
Why are you dating a toddler

No. 555386

>>555378
if a pandemic didn't do the trick nothing will, dump the manchild

No. 555388

>>555372
Putting gay people in media to show that there is nothing wrong with having a same sex partner is fine.

No. 555393

>>555372
>Then make your own shows instead of shoehorning your agenda in kid's shows

Let's start with the straights first then! They're the ones that have been doing that for YEARS in all kinds of media, not only children's cartoons and shows. A little gay/lesbian couple here and there won't kill you and if it does then die mad about it.

No. 555396

>>555393
I was abt to say that ppl freaking out over lesbian/gay couples on tv is because there’s been a huge cultural backing behind presenting straight as the only normal and good thing and coding gay ppl as evil (need I even say Disney) so of course when something “”””alternative”””””” is presented as normal, the old established order gets challenged and we have retards like above who think two women holding hands in a kid’s show is agenda-pushing

No. 555402

>>555089
>>555372
Obvious male posters.

No. 555404

i cannot wait to move out of the US and be able to afford a nice house that's not in fuckall of nowhere.

No. 555405

>>555402
>hi scrote
Can't wait til your dumbass gets banned. You might not know this already but, women aren't a hivemind.

No. 555406

>>555393
i mean i agree with this. media adds love arcs to kids shows all the time, even between children in the show.

No. 555407

File: 1589851196514.jpg (42.63 KB, 459x500, smoking.jpg)

>>555402
The farm is really well on its way to becoming a second 4chin.

No. 555408

>>555393
>>555396
You're the ones who politicized your own sexual orientation kek. You literally have terms for lesbian feminazis: radfems and that one word I forgot that was used to describe the women only bisexuals

>>555406
It's called puppy love.

>>555407
Wdym by this

No. 555409

>>555008
This reminds me of my relationship a lot. My boyfriend has choked me for complaining about him basically cheating, I called the police on him because he starting beating me when I brought it up again. That was a few days ago. He will get worse. I always put up with it because I'm scared to lose him, but you know what? He doesn't really care that he's hurting me, why would he? I'm the one in physical pain after and the one suffering mentally from the cheating. Your bf is the same way. He literally does not care at all that it hurts your feelings he doesn't appreciate you! He only cares that you are nagging him about it and it is just so annoying dumb woman must be obedient!!! I'm a hypocrite saying this because I'm having a hard time leaving my relationship but god damn it sounds so fucked up when I read about it happening to other people. Almost everything you wrote lines up with my relationship, even down to the part about him not liking my boobs (mine are big and saggy he likes small perky boobs). He's going to get worse, mine did. I wish I could talk to you privately because it's hard when no one understands and usually you just get DUMP HIM immediately because that's the knee jerk reaction. It's not as simple as that.

No. 555410

>>555407
I agree. There's far too many male posters now. I heard the discord was filled with men too. It was nice while it lasted.

No. 555411

>>555409
>It's not as simple as that.
Of course it's much easier said than done, but you have to leave unless you want to spend the rest of your life being a pathetic, miserable cliche and slowly lose your support network as your loved ones grow tired of you complaining but never making the decision to leave. The rest of your possibly very short life, given that your boyfriend chokes you.

No. 555413

File: 1589851945028.jpeg (43.36 KB, 680x963, 555.jpeg)

finally moving out Thursday to be with my ldr and im gonna start my period in like the next three days. im all bloated and crampy yuck

No. 555414

>>555408
wtf is wrong with you

No. 555419

>>555408
are you being sarcastic or do you really not know that radical feminism is the name for a specific ideology within feminism? like, people willingly identify as radfems if they agree with the points, including straight women. it's just more popular with lesbians because they don't feel as much need to compromise with men, obviously.

No. 555431

>>555414
Elaborate or say nothing

>>555419
What was the point of this post

No. 555432

No matter how many medications I’ve tried or therapists I’ve seen or how many things I’ve done in an attempt to make my life better, life still just bores me, other people annoy me and I can die tomorrow for all I care.

No. 555437

I’ve probably bitched about my boyfriend on lolcow 800 times. Here’s another one. TLDR I’m moving out. I have 600 saved and I need about 700 more for a security deposit and what not.

Last night he got frustrated because we haven’t been having sex. And it’s my fault. I don’t like to engage with him because he doesn’t do anything to make me feel like I’m in the mood. I have to force it. And when we have sex it’s because I know that if I don’t soon we’ll have a fight. Well that fight happened.

He’s so irritating. When I try and explain what’s going on he starts lecturing me and giving me advice. I’m literally telling him that he does things that make him unattractive (not doing anything besides smoking weed, wasting hours punding on projects that could take 5 mins, coughing all of the time, never leaving me alone or getting personally offended when I rarely ask for space) and he just tells me sex is supposed to be fun, I make it difficult. Because I am anxious as fuck. There’s no spark, it’s an obligation.

So we start fighting. My biggest issue with his fighting is he starts escalating, cutting me off, telling me to shut up, and mocking me. Calling me a baby, making fun of my voice, telling me I’m a bitch. I’m a bitch and a baby I guess.

Then he apologizes and starts saying “this is weird” and “I feel weird” and essentially I wind up comforting him and saying “it’s okay” after he gets done mocking me and calling me a bitch.

Then it starts over again once we start to talk again. He says I make him feel like a creep and ugly because I said he’s not doing things that are attractive and I have to warm myself up for sex.

After 5 fucking hours of non stop fighting, I end up jerking him off. He proceeds to cum and then go “Are you okay?” And get angry when I tell him “yeah, I’m okay” with a tone that would imply this is fucking awkward, it’s 4 am, and I want to go to fucking sleep. He then lectures me about how if this was a TV show and an audience saw what I said, they would laugh at him. I got up and said I was done and I want this to be over. I get up to smoke a butt. He calls me a baby again. I’m seriously trying to not freak out because I know that name calling and mocking and all that shit makes the conversation devolve and makes the argument worse than it already is. So I tell him verbatim, I’m not a baby and I’m not an idiot. Stop calling me that. You’re not a baby or an idiot, so don’t call me one. In the usual monotone trying not to freak voice. He starts interrupting me, calling me a baby, I’m talking over him, and he keeps telling me to go smoke my fucking cigarette and leave him alone.

Well, I kept talking to him, so he took off his glasses and threw them at the wall by my head. Then I smoked a cigarette, came back in, comforted him, drank an entire tall boy and passed out by 6:30 Am. I’m now on my night shift at work and I just wrote out a game plan.

I cringe reading this:. This is the same guy that recorded us having sex without my knowledge and didn’t tell me until we were living together and I signed a lease. This isn’t the first time he’s been like this I’ve been with him for 5 years.

I just cringe because all I think is you are an idiot and you deserve this for letting this go on for so long. I feel weak and cold and stupid. I’ve seriously considered suicide but more in an impulsive manner. I feel ashamed. And I can’t tell my parents, it’s such a pathetic and embarrassing story I know it’ll change how they feel about me. I don’t even know why I liked him in the first place. I can’t tell my friends because we are all in the same friend group. I can’t go on reddit because he might see it. All I have to vent is Moodpath and lolcow. And it’s pathetic. I

What’s even more pathetic is that I’ve never followed through with wanting to leave him and I’ve started to multiple times. Like more times than I can count.

So please be angry at me women of lolcow. Because I fucking am. I’m sick of the me I let myself turn into and I hate myself.

No. 555439

>>555431
No one mentioned radfems, you sperg. How'd you get to political lesbianism from a post about gays in cartoons?

No. 555440

>>555439
You said that gay cartoon monkeys in kids shows aren't part of any agenda and I proved you otherwise

No. 555441

Fucking hate how my bf is acting like a passive aggressive martyr lately. I am sooooo close to just bailing next time he falls asleep, this is so unpleasant and reminding me of my abusive step-dad growing up. I have begged and pleaded over how much his actions are affecting me and will do anything to meet in the middle but he turned my triggers into his problems because they make him feel bad. He's never acted this cold and shitty before.

No. 555446

>>555437
You're actually moving out though, good on you. It's a breath of fresh air that someone hasn't posted a rant about their irredeemable piece of shit bf with no intention of leaving him.

Anyway don't waste time hating yourself or feeling ashamed, you can move on now. You should be optimistic and excited for improving your life.

No. 555447

>>554501
Complained about this in the thread before and I just need to rant some more. As dumb and edgy as this sounds living here feels like my soul has been raped. All this religion being pushed down my throat for so long has just made me bitter and jaded and empty. I have no friends, I cannot enjoy anything anymore that I used to, not even lazy things like Netflix. I feel like i all I am is a lonely angry mess and all I like to do is sleep to get away from everything. I wish I wasn't forced to live like this.I don't even think I love my parents anymore because all they've done is rip me away from any chance of being a normal human being and turn me into this bitter bitch I am now. I try so hard to function and I project a pretty put together persona somehow but I'm genuinely fucked inside. I might just run away because honestly anything is better than this. I don't think I've felt a proper emotion in 2 years and it's scaring me to think I might go on like this.

Sorry I am just very not ok and this is the only place I can shit it all out.

No. 555448

>>555378
Embarrassing to admit but same… I keep reminding my bf and he's receptive so I have hope. But why are they like this.

No. 555451

every time i see one of you hoes complain about your shitty bf and then defend their ass, i lose faith and respect for abused women. how fucking stupid and brain dead do you have to be to keep sticking up for them? jesus christ. no man would ever put up with this bs. maybe we truly are the inferior gender

and yeah i know the men are first to blame but it's pretty obvious, i shouldn't have to say this but ppl will call me a victim blamer or smth. i had to watch my father beat up my grandmother and my mother still kept defending him no matter what, y'all fucking disgust me. btw i'm not talking about oppressed women living in shitholes

No. 555452

>>555437
>recorded us having sex without my consent

Pretty sure that's illegal.. Good luck moving out. He needs to be locked up and away from women before he starts beating them.

No. 555454

>>555437
Good grief what an abuser. I like you anon, you're taking initiative with your life instead of trying to victimize yourself while letting this behavior continue to play out.
I just really want to assure you that this is more than just him being a shithead and you a doormat. Not that you need any more justification. This guy is a legit abuser and I'm surprised it hasn't escalated to hitting yet. He doesn't give a fuck about you.

Getting upset when you won't fuck him or show reluctance because he doesn't court you in any way. Name calling you after you've told him to stop and you didn't call him any names. Disrupting your recreational time that bleeds into your sleep time by forcing you to defend yourself and argue. Making you perform sexually when clearly no one would be in the mood after such a fight. Only caring about himself and narcissistically pretending he's on reality tv to dodge what you're saying rather than listening to what you're saying. Throwing objects in your direction. Recording him having sex with you behind your back and not telling until you're trapped in a lease with him.

Oh my god. Fucking RUN from this assrag.

No. 555455

>>555451
The "inferior gender" is the one who resorts to verbal and physical abuse because their brains haven't developed enough to be civil, or at least see it as overall more beneficial.

No. 555458

>>555457
what band anon? spill the beans

No. 555460

>>555458
Brand New

No. 555465

anxiety is so bad today. its hard to swallow and breathe. I really hate my life like this but no one listens.

No. 555469

Grad school is too fucking expensive and unlike everyone in my life I don't have parents who can help pay for it or cosign a loan for me so I guess there's nothing left to do but hang myself!!

No. 555474

>>555469
what you going for, anon, can you get a stipend?

No. 555477

I feel like i've wasted a lot of my youth and young adulthood by just focusing on what i dislike than whatever I like.

Back during 2007 - 2012 i was heavily involved in the online atheist movement. More because i disliked Christianity/religion in general at that time rather than any other reason.
13-14 was spent hating how some of my 'niche' internet memes and culture were taken over by normies and whatever creative flare they once had was gone
15-18 i dipped my feet a little bit too much into the tradthot territory since i got some positive attention from it. I regret this phase the most yet it was the one i participated the least in. I guess i knew the men in this movement were trash but i felt sorry for them for some reason
19-20 well i guess i got lolcow but idk i actually feel like my time spent on hobbies actually outweighs my time being angry on the internet

I guess i just feel like a shell. I felt superior at that time but it's so fucking easy to be against something rather than making something people can easily tear down with criticism.
It took me 11 years to work out that being cynical and moulding your personality around what you dislike isn't a good way to turn you into an interesting person.
I'm trying to better balance my ying and yang.

No. 555490

File: 1589870216824.gif (3 MB, 498x278, Sammy.gif)

I just god diagnosed with bpd and depression and I don't feel like the bpd diagnosis fits. Especially with so many examples on this site.

I have trust and abandonmet issues but I'm far from impulsive, having extreme mood swings or seeing things in black or white, or self harming. Like from maybe 8 simptoms 3 apply. I wonder if I said something wrong and got misunderstood.

I just feel incredibly sick about the whole situation.

No. 555493

I think killing myself is the only answer, I have nothing else

No. 555495

All I can think about is putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger, I literally can’t get the desire out of my mind. I can’t focus on anything else, I need to get a gun

No. 555498

>>555490
get a second opinion. misdiagnosing is common for both physical and mental health; after all it's all based on what you say and what the health practitioner hears.

No. 555500

>>555498
seconded. I was diagnosed with severe depression the first time I suck out help and it did not resonate with me in any way. I went back and got diagnosed with dysthymia/ high functioning depression the second time because I advocated for myself. Even then, I still sometimes think it might be something else. General practitioners can diagnose you but it's based off of very little investigation. If you want a more accurate diagnosis you need to see a psychiatrist.

No. 555515

Since covid began, my job makes people on first shift come in at 5am so that they can stagger a buffer before 2nd shift to clean the office and factory floor. I would usually come in around 9. I was remote until my job asked me to train for something that I need to show up to work for and what can only be done on 1st shift.

I have to wake up at 4am now and I fucking. can't. I've had more than a couple scares with my roommate having coming into contact with covid so at least I've had excuses a few times to stay home until they cleared. But it can't help me all the time. I HATE this. Worst of all it's not like I have a manager breathing down my throat, but they do raise an eyebrow when my presence isn't noted there at least three times a week. I do legitimately have remote work I could be doing right now too with shit due this week that I'm behind on. I want to shoot them an excuse today cause I didn't get any sleep and I don't want to go in. In fact I think I'm going to. Fuck this place. They haven't even guaranteed an extension of my contract past July, so.

No. 555516

>>555498
>>555500
Thanks anons, I def will get a second opinion.

No. 555534

I want to get myself new clothing because I haven't been bought anything new in the past 5 months which doesn't feel like 'me', thanks to COVID, but me and my bf just had to pay 470 euro because my health started fucking up again and I hate it. I wish I could get a job but my health is one huge mess. I haven't had any profitable commissions in such a long time now. I feel so useless that it makes me want to die.
We were supposed to get more stuff for our place, but everything got fucked up by my health, too.

I feel like that's a stupid thing to be complaining about and I am just making up an excuse on feeling sad, but oh well.

No. 555558

My muslim step-mother scolded me after ignoring me for 3 days for having sex with my bf on my birthday, because she thinks its 'disrespectful' even though we were discreet, and she knew he was coming over, and I'm a grown adult, and my father doesn't care. Plus she's like hardly devout herself so it's hypocritical. I'm so sick of her fundie bullshit shaming me constantly. She shits on me for being fat when my bmi is on the lower side of average, she lectures me about her crazy inane voodoo black magic bullshit for hours, she manipulates me when she's upset with my father. I'm just so sick of her shit. She has no right to shame me or tell me what to do.

No. 555563

>>555558
tell her to fuck off then have sex in her bed when she's out.

No. 555570

>>555558
Sounds like she internalized a lot of misogyny and is probably jealous that you have a lot more leeway than she had at your age, religion is the convenient cover for this.

No. 555571

>>555558
damn your family is p fucking chill for a muslim one

No. 555581

I hate it when people exaggerate verbal disagreements as "fighting" just because they're more upset about the issue than the other person is and want to project. If I'm not raising my voice, cussing, calling names, purposefully trying to get under skin, and otherwise doing something unproductive without a point–I am not "fighting." Then they wind up getting so annoyed with me because I'm taking the argument too lightly for their tastes instead of being raving mad over it. Not sure why they think I should be aggro over petty shit. Maybe if the topics were serious or a matter of life or death I could see how I'd look pretentious but I'm not just because I don't want to waste emotional energy on arguing who's the better cook. Jfc.

No. 555615

>>555477
If it makes you feel better, this mentality seems to be extremely common among millennials and zoomers; I would go so far as to say that most young (especially far-right) radicals were funneled into their movement of choice as a reaction to content from young radicals in a different movement. At least you've realized what you're doing and are trying to change. It is much easier to fan your ego by tearing others down than it is to work on yourself, but as you mentioned, it's empty and unsatisfying.

No. 555628

i hate working. it's so fucking depressing to know i have several more decades of it ahead before i can retire. my job rn is alright and i really like the company i work for, but the daily grind is so hard.
i never feel like i'm good enough, i'll be a loser who never gets promoted because i don't really care to go above and beyond my normal job responsibilities, or i'll eventually be fired.
the only thing keeping me going is weekends, holidays, and days off.
aaaahhhhhhh

No. 555641

>>555493
Please dont do it

No. 555739

My ex boyfriend and my former best friend since childhood are dating. I'm both hurt and angry and I want revenge but I don't know how.

No. 555742

>>555739
How much contact are you with wither of them? I feel like there's no point of trying to do anything about it since it won't change anything and you will end up looking stupid.

No. 555753

>>555742
No contact. It would of course be an anonymous form of revenge, eg tire slashing. I'm not as angry at her, but ex really fucked me over. While it may be her fault she's overlooking all the fucked up things he did to me, it's not her fault she was born stupid.

No. 555754

>>555739
The best revenge is living well. Maybe it's not satisfying but the moment you show you actually care, you lose and they win.

No. 555778

I love pretty, delicate, no-makeup makeup so much but I am just not pretty. I'm decently sure it's not just in my head. I can't not wear makeup, but if I put on even slightly too much, I look like a bloated drag queen. I don't know what to do anymore, I've tried losing weight until even that made me uglier too, I take good care of my skin. I can't do much with my hair because nothing is flattering. Even typing this is pointless, ugh, I give up

No. 555780

>>555615
Yeah i mean it's fun destroying a building, but once it's destroyed there isn't anything left to have fun with. I think that a lot of people are addicted to schadenfreude like it's a drug. I guess I call myself a recovering addict from it, i still need my occasional fix but i'm slowly phasing it out of my life.

No. 555785

I seriously worry about having kids when I think about them becoming lolcows or attention whoring on the internet because it's SO normalized today. I feel like everybody who grew up on Tumblr self harmed, had an ED or developed some other mental illness (myself included) because of this fucking internet culture. I don't think it's healthy at all. Specially for young girls because all it does is attract predatory men.
Not saying mental illness only exists because of the internet and Tumblr but it surely makes things worse specially with communities that encourage it.

Anons with children or young siblings, how the fuck do you think it's possible to avoid this?

No. 555790

>>555628
I'm really starting to hate my current job as well. I've been in the company for almost 4 years now in different positions and we recently had a change in management.
I am getting a lot of my access and permissions removed over time and instead of being able to do things myself I now have to request other people to do things and hope that they deliver.
It's a good company and i understand what they are trying to do but losing all the permissions and being in charge of both customers and internal staff is just making my position about customer management rather than being technical.

I'm getting into game development again and seeing if i could potentially make a living off making mobile games. I guess it gives me some drive as i actually feel like i have a direction i want to go rather than wondering around aimlessly trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.

>>555785
I know that when i started to use the internet my dad gave a 20 minute explanation of what I should not do on the internet and reasons/examples of what has happened in the past to people who flaunted around their personal information. This was during a different time though when showing your face and name was considered risky business.
I guess all you can do is teach them what to expect and to identify the warning signs of when to disengage and block people.

No. 555792

>>555785
this may surprise you but a lot of kids today either only use social media for entertainment (laughing at fails and memes) or don't really use it at all. i actually think the counterculture for generation alpha (the children of millennials) will be to resist social media and go full analog, kind of like the current trend of millennials being obsessed with 35mm photography and records. even though millennials post all their vintage aesthetic bullshit on their instagrams for attention i still have a feeling that the next generation will be turned off by all the cringey oversharing and resist it completely

No. 555796

>>555792

What kids are you interacting with? My family has alot of 7-12 years olds and they are absolutely addicts, they keep mimicking youtube speak and recording videos as "play".

No. 555797

>>555796
>>555792

I wouldn't worry about my kids spending a lot of time online if they were only playing games or watching shitty funny videos. I have seen so much shit online that as long as they aren't getting into pro mental illness communities and extremist shit I'll be relieved. lol
The only child I see a lot is my 12 year old cousin who is on the autistic spectrum. She's very childish and is only interested in dog videos on TikTok and playing games. But I was absolutely an edgy and curious pre-teen at her age. I was constantly looking at gore, pro-ana stuff…

No. 555814

About seven months ago, I rescued a nine month old kitten who happened to be the first cat I get to call my own. Took her in, had her spayed, chipped, the whole nine yards, and she’s been doing so great and I have absolutely fallen in love with her. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, she started vomiting every night. I took her to the emergency clinic and they did tests and everything. Turns out her white blood cells are elevated, and they’re running all these tests to find what she has, but I can’t shake the feeling that she has leukemia. I cry almost every hour I’m awake because, while I don’t want her to suffer and chemo is painful, I can’t imagine having to put her down… she has no clue what’s happening, and she would have no idea for what I would be doing and it kills me inside. I get calls everyday from the vet kind of narrowing down the results, and they keep getting worse… there’s the possibility that she has a very uncommon disorder, and while I want it to be that, it would just be too good to be true. What makes things worse is that my own sister was diagnosed with stage four cervical cancer last year, and I feel like everything that I love is being ripped away from me.

No. 555817

Only my boyfriend knows that I was sexually molested few times in my childhood, I’ve never spoken about this to anyone outside my parents because I didn’t know it happened until I was old enough to think back and realize “oh…I was actually close to being raped wtf.”
so today it came up in a conversation with my boyfriend, I brought up one (of the 3 diff cases, I was molested by two other guys later on) where a guy would often hump me when I was 6 and he was 13 on the way to school bc no one was going in the afternoon since most kids would eat in, but even though I felt really uncomfortable I had no idea what he was really doing, and then one day on the way to school he told me to wait for him after school he was going to take me somewhere and that really freaked me out enough to tell my mum and after that she went immediately to the school and he got expelled right away, so today I brought this up in a conversation (I don’t remember the reason why) and I said I think he was going to go further and possibly rape me and my boyfriend says “why would he rape you he was just a child and autistic”
Um??????? I was 6 years old and he was 13 he was FULLY aware of what he was doing when he would walk so close to me I could feel his boner poking me all the time and he would sometimes hump me!!! And after what he said + him being expelled am I in the wrong to think he would’ve done something worse to me? Those experiences have made me hate sexual stuff and it made me so upset that my boyfriend couldn’t have just said “I’m sorry that happened to you must’ve been awful” even if he didn’t think that when he knows I’m really sensitive and had a lot of bad shit happen in my childhood that still haunts me to this day idk. I’m so tired of everything having to be argued with a “logical” view, he’s the type of guy that doesn’t believe women can be pedophiles/predators or rapists because it’s different since they’re women?????? Idk what to do to change his mindset on these things and dumping is not an option for me atm because we live together and I have a feeling I’d be the one to have to move out despite owning all the furniture in the apt lol but god it is tiring to hear shit like this for no reason each time I talk about an upsetting topic to me

No. 555820

>>555817
why are you dating a retarded person

No. 555843

>>555570
I think so too, she might be projecting her guilt for not following her religion properly onto me as well
>>555571
My mother and father are nominally catholic, just my step-mother is Muslim in a mail-order-bride type situation which is fucked up, so she has like 0 right to dictate what I do on culture/religious terms

No. 555851

I am a full blown libtard leftist at this point. I hate cancel culture, I hate censoring people, I hate the normalization of porn, I hate that people constantly sperg about white people, but I would honestly take that over a super right wing internet.

So many racist and sexist supremacists hide under the guise of conservatism. I'll look at Reddit and see someone talking about "libtards" and the moment you look through their post history it is rife with racebait and misogyny.

I look at the "cold hard truths" that these conservatives like to parrot and I cannot stomach it. That these people can look at migrant children being sexually abused in migrant detention camps and say that it is deserved just makes me want to vomit.

I feel ashamed of my liberalism sometimes, like I'm a bleeding heart loser who takes things too seriously. It's just when I look at the things these people post and what they say about friends and family I get super unnecessarily sad.

No. 555854

>>555851
Congratulations anon, you're a completely normal person. It's sad how extremist politics is making normal people feel like they're essentially traitors to their side. It sucks how social media has turned us into feeling guilty for having independent thought and morals.

No. 555857

>>555851
I'm just tired of people that base their political ideology on being against something. At least conservatives have an idea of what they want their country to be like and have plans to get there.
These people who identify as anti-leftists are just hateful and you can see them fall flat on their face the second they actually have to come up with policy.

I've decided to dub these people as nu-servatives. People that find themselves on the right not because they believe in any conservative values, but because they are against whatever far-left ideology they feel offended by.

No. 555865

>>555851
Most people are just moderates. Most looneys are extremists.

No. 555869

>>555851
> racist and sexist supremacists hide under the guise of conservatism

How is that hiding? Right wing people hiding under right wing terminology?

No. 555882

I really hate seeing posts from people who obviously formed their entire world view as a response to things they saw on 4chan, I don't get how people can get past the age of 16/17 and haven't moved on from this way of thinking or expanded their ideas at all

No. 555903

My whole life would be amazing if I only had the money.
I could dress the way I want; live where I want, go to the college I want.

I would have been able to stay longer on my vacation and maybe the summer romance would have turned into a real relationship.

I will work my whole life, totally waste my youth and beauty and in the end I will have to settle with a stupid asshole man.
I wish I wouldn’t have this image of a 'pure girl‘ in my mind, or else I would become a stripper.

Guys only pretend they want those virgin Christian girls, in the end it’s all about the looks. And money would help me with this.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

No. 555904

It kills me to know how many people in my past probably have me misunderstood. Like them thinking I was rude/standoffish/boring when really I was just socially anxious and depressed.

No. 555906

I would be a great girlfriend/wife. I might not be the most talkative or exciting person, but I'm forgiving, openminded, semi-skilled, decently attractive, and honestly want the best for the people in my life. People around me keep getting linked up/married and I'm not sure why it hasn't happened for me. I'm scared it never will. Especially because lately I've been second-guessing ever having children.

No. 555977

I'm pretty proud that I didn't entirely enable my stepdad last night but getting dragged into his habit set me back a little bit. The scoop is that he was complaining about getting fat again cause he'd been eating out, not eating vegetables, and drinking soda. He never cooks at home and if he does it's garbage food like hotdogs and a bowl of cereal. Whereas I've been losing weight cause I never eat out and cook at home, and have a pretty good diet for it.
I had already made a tofu soup and was feeling content to just go to bed on that, but he wanted to go get food–fried chicken. While we were waiting in the drive thru I managed to talk him down into ordering a grilled chicken salad with me. But he said he "wanted something more." I was hoping they'd have roasted chicken bites but they didn't. So stepdad wound up ordering an 8 piece order of fried chicken tenders to split, plus a biscuit for each of us. I convinced him we shouldn't get soda so we didn't.

Not only did I eat the salad, but I added two chopped chicken tenders to it. Later I ate the other two tenders with the biscuit like a sandwich, and had a couple cups of a caloric drink to wash it down.
I know a salad and four chicken tenders and some two-bit biscuit doesn't sound like the epitome of diet destruction but I actually have a very low calorie budget and yeah I fucked up. While I wouldn't classify it as a binge it's still enough to halt my progress by a day. I'm peeved at my stepdad. He really doesn't try, and then he wonders why I have so many weight issues as an adult. He wouldn't even care that he was getting fat right now if he weren't dating and was still married to my mom. He was obese when he was with my mom. It's the only reason he lost weight as it is, he never cared about setting an example.
When I first started my diet I bemoaned how I was eating so much carry out food cause I was stress eating while I was at work and then ordering something for dinner to take home because I had no mental energy to cook. He replied "Yeah I remember, I didn't like seeing you do that and seeing the fast food in the trash." Lmao, BUT YOU EAT TAKEOUT SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK OLD MAN PLUS YOU NEVER VOICED ANY CONCERN BECAUSE YOU KNOW IF YOU DID I WOULD HAVE SAID YOU WERE A HYPOCRITE AND GOD FORBID YOU FEEL CRITICIZED!
Two weeks ago he wanted to go get fast food at a burger joint with me, so I enabled and indulged. I really fucked up and got a burger, fries, soda, tenders, and a shake. So did he. When I was done with mine I said "Damn that was good," and he remarked "Yeah…" in a disparaging and disappointed tone. Like I had binged but it was alllllllll my fault for having done so and he had noooooothing to do with the situation whatsoever. So anyway, I learned that I can't buy into his temptations because then he'll just turn around and blame me for it and have zero accountability for what he does.

No. 555978

i wish i could get a job :( i just want to hear back from somewhere i dont wanna depend on my parents anymore

No. 555979

I'm going to be honest. I dont like men. Not because online memes but because of all the bad experiences I've had with them despite being nice.
1. When I was 19 I met up with a chinese guy from we chat while acted so entitled. He accused me of stealing his phone(he found it). Recorded naked videos of me and sent it to his friends. Got angry at me because I wouldn't fuck him after spending 25 dollars on a meal.
2. A guy who claimed he was my friend would fuck me while I was drunk and then just get up and leave

I could blame them being young on why that happened but even when I was young I wasnt that awful. I didnt deserve that treatment, i was nice to them. Many guys have even claimed that how nice I am is annoying. So at this point in just trying my best not to have them by avoiding them completely.

No. 555981

>>555979
>Many guys have even claimed that how nice I am is annoying.
Heh they're just trying to gaslight you and make your personality into an issue because they can't cope with their own shittiness.
I agree with you anon, there may be a diamond in the rough but most men are very nasty and deceptive. It doesn't seem worth it to get hurt by the multitudes in search of the one fabled nice guy.

No. 555986

File: 1589988775938.jpg (1.33 MB, 3024x4032, 1589790741710.jpg)

I hate being autistic. Everything is so overwhelming to me, sounds, colors, touch. I have to study micro expressions and body language on my own every day to improve, but when it actually comes to interacting with others, I can hardly tell what they are feeling based on their body language. My friends never get proper emotional support from me because I can't tell how they feel/what the f is going on, unless they explicitly tell me.
I also hate being associated with pedophilic autistic men. It sucks to know that we basically have the same brains.

No. 555991

File: 1589989817706.jpg (69.88 KB, 479x365, 3f3ncsU.jpg)

>be me, NEET, failed college
>I'm 26 and have no degree, only graduated high school, only experience is in retail, so I'm worth less than nothing on the job market
>after 3 years of depression, finally get therapy
>start college again, really enjoy the subject, actually did alright, passed three of my exams, did study groups, got invited to birthday parties from fellow students etc
>life is finally normal, maybe I can do this!

>global pandemic starts

>classes are cancelled
>most of our profs are too lazy and inept to do online classes, so they just dump some textbooks on us and say "lmao go learn this shit yourself :)"
>mfw no actual classes take place yet we have stil have to pass the same exams as usual
>I'm not dumb but I can't teach myself 3 entire classes worth of business and law all by myself with just a basic ass textbook
>I can't meet up with anyone, study groups mostly cancelled safe for some attempts online
>torn out of my daily habits, routine, structure, and in quarantine isolation
>fall back into depression, barely get out of bed anyway so I barely make an effort to study by myself or do study groups, can't focus on anything anyway
>my therapist quit and moved to a different city, and I can't get a new one right now thanks to pandemic restrictions, also health care won't cover any more therapy session and I'd need to shill out the 100+ bucks per session myself so right now there is no way to get professional treatment

>exams come closer, constant anxiety 24/7, but depression makes me unable to actually do anything

>mfw

I did so well, I was finally gonna get a degree, I took all the steps to avoid another failure and now this fucking shit happened. I have 4 exams upcoming in the next two weeks and I have to pass them. If not, I get one more try, and if I fail one, I am thrown out and go back to being a NEET/low wage retail employee forever. And yet all I can do is lay in bed and cry like a pathetic brat. I just wish I could slap some sense into my stupid-ass brain.

No. 555993

>>555986
I’m sorry anon. That’s hard to deal with, I have ASD too. Did you go through occupational therapy at all? I think it’s for children, but it helped me desensitize my stimulation anxiety. I also hate autistic men, I think we all do, they are the worst. I feel like they use their diagnosis to be weird jerks, if I can grow and be relatively normal functioning what’s stopping our male counterparts. They do that shit on purpose, and if they are lower functioning they really can’t help it. They have a lower development rate (autism is a developmental disorder) so they really are… uhm not “smart”.

No. 555994

>>555991
how did you get a retail job anon? im really trying i'm just out of high school but i think i'm fucked because i have a face tat because bpdfag and i try to cover it up when applying but i feel like i look too alternative like my hair and everything. was it hard?

No. 555998

>>555994
it's a number game. just keep applying and something will come along.

there was a point where i had moved to a new city and was desperate to find any job at all so i could pay my rent. even with a college degree, relevant work experience, and some bougie academic experience, i had trouble finding a POS retail job immediately, so i wouldn't say your SOL cause of the face tat or anything like that. it can just be hard to get a job sometimes.

No. 555999

>>555994
Lol like every other loser I got it thanks to my parents' connections.
Really though, aside from that, it shouldn't be too hard to get a retail job, or get a job as a waitress or something, having worked retail for several years we were always desperate to hire. Friends of mine also had little problems getting into retail despite being young and only having high school diplomas, but they all looked normal.

If you have a face tat (which, honestly, yeah. Not a good idea for conventional jobs, but I'm not judging), and in general look "alternative", well, my advice would be go and look for apporpriately alternative retail shit then. Something like Lush or Urban Outfitters or other "quirky" brands.
Also, >>555998 is right, keep applying.

No. 556001

Thinking of all the time I spent commuting to work makes me so angry. I worked in a major city, commuting from a smaller city by bus/train. It was almost 2 hours each way, 5 days a week, even though my job was 100% able to be done remotely. I know I'll be doing it again soon since everyone seems so against working from home. 20 hours a week wasted in a cramped, uncomfortable train. Life is a joke.

No. 556002

>>555986
Male autists are in a league of their own though anon. You sound thoughtful and self aware, nothing like the male autists I've dealt with. They do tend to be perverts IME

No. 556010

I hate it when I introduce something I like to someone and they end up liking it as well and then act like they discovered it themselves and basically start revolving their entire personality about that one thing and proceed to show their friends too and I am left feeling like a retard because why does this always happen

No. 556013

File: 1589992667969.jpeg (31.55 KB, 540x720, received_247061163047731.jpeg)

>>555993
Thank you for your suggestion anon, I'll look into that! I wasn't aware there's occupational therapy for adults.
And yeah, I agree. My vent was actually partly inspired by my autistic coworker. He was reported a bunch of times to the HR because he made inappropriate comments (like rape/racist "jokes"). Of course, they only transferred him to my department and basically didn't punish him at all (because ~it's not his fault, he has asd~). Now I have to deal him, and it's been exhausting. He noticed that I have wallpaper with anime scenery on my laptop, and because of that, he decided to start weird conversation with me about hentai. He ended up ranting about "oppai loli" (basically drawings of prepubescent small children with huge breasts) for like 15 minutes. Wtf. It made me think that maybe I'm also perceived as weird/creepy by other people, and I also might be completely unaware of that, just like he is. Now I'm just second-guessing my every move. Maybe I shouldn't hug my coworker? Maybe I shouldn't cover my face when I'm laughing? Maybe I shouldn't sit in one position all day, maybe I should slouch to look more "normal"? Maybe my smile is scaring people off? Etc.

>>556002
Awww, thank you for being so understanding anon. Your post really made me feel better. I'm sorry that you had to deal with perverted creeps.

No. 556019

pretty sure my bf is fucking his girl mate who is a sugarbaby. just wish i knew whether or not it was true, I'd say lmao be happy together and bounce into the wind. couldn't give a fuck by this stage tbh.

No. 556021

I hate when construction workers blast their fucking cock rock in the morning. It’s always fucking cock rock.
Play some goddamn Vivaldi or something. Anything. Just no more AC/DC. Please.

No. 556026

Bro my cat right is so cute when he sleeps next to me and likes cuddling my arm, just the cutest
BUT SOMETIMES HIS LITTLE POINTY PEEPEE GETS HARD AND I CAN FEEL IT POKING MY ARM WRYYYY

No. 556028

>>556026
even better

No. 556041

>>556028
Disgusting

Gtfo

No. 556046

>>556019
If you really don’t a fuck, dump him. If you’re distrustful you probably have a reason and either way, you’re obviously not happy. Move on to a better guy anon, you deserve it.

No. 556050

>>555814
oh anon, i am so sorry. i wish i could hug you.

No. 556060

I've been feeling really absent minded and forgetful lately and it's freaking me out. Like ADHD but way worse. I'm paranoid I have a brain tumor or something like that.

No. 556079

It feels like 4chan’s boards are both dead enough that it’s easy to identify certain posters and also filled with newfags that cry samefagging because they’re triggered by other people liking something they hate

No. 556116

I just tried to do dutch braids on myself for the first time in my life and it took almost and hour and it looks like shit but I'm gonna sleep in them now anyway because at least it almost kind of resembles a dutch braid

No. 556121

i have an online graduation and id rather shoot myself. it was so depressing getting balloons and bunting in the fucking mail. it's going to be via zoom. the thought of having to see friends i lost touch with over quarantine, exes and that guy i hooked up with is just making me feel sick. it's not gonna happen. i don't even know if i've brought anyone from that place to my life now apart from my best friend. nobody really cares anymore. it's been really awful just having it peter out like this. we never really said our goodbyes or kept in touch and now we're saying the official goodbye but we've already moved on. it's just really, really depressing.

No. 556139

>>556079
I can't believe anyone still uses 4chan. It's been shit for years, especially after moot sold it. The now-resurrected 8chan is alright though. I miss when image boards were a big thing and there were plenty to choose from.

No. 556143

I don’t understand how I’m still living with my parents and have been buying my own soymilk for years and during quarantine my mom has asked me no less than 5 times why I won’t drink the small cartons of regular milk that she keeps getting and bringing home, and STILL asks me even though I tell her every time that I’m have a milk sensitivity (or am lactose intolerant? it’s weird).

My idiot dad said “well milk used to make my stomach hurt but I just kept drinking it and I’m fine now!” like I want to deal with the shits for that long?!?! Cows milk tastes gross to me anyway, there’s so little reward to drinking it. How am I my parents daughter but they ALWAYS seem to forget this??? Do they think I buy my own carton of milk just for funsies?!?!!

No. 556146

>>556079
>>556139
I can barely stand 4chan anymore but I really can't stop going there.
I'm too terrified to go to 8chan and get put on a watchlist.

No. 556176

I honestly just wanna fuck, I wanna get fuuuuuuucked but I don't have any fwb and like hell I'm gonna risk fucking tinder randos in this small ass town. I've had a lot of health stuff go so wrong this month yet my brain is just "horny now", has to be some primitive self preserving, I am not used to being actually horny for days on out. I used to get like this during manic phases but even those have somehow lessened, no idea why. I just want some goddamn anal right now inb4 eww anal love yourself, my pussy is messed up and I hate piv, yes I have tried my best, no idc.

No. 556177

>>556139
>8chan
garbage
literally the only reason to go to "chan" imageboards is to discuss things.
And it's not because the discussions are actually better–no, it's purely the format of the websites.

It's so hard to find a decent discussion board that will let you reply to multiple people in the same post.

I'm barely on 4chan just because I finally got on both reddit and twitter, but the only reason I go back is because it gets so tiresome just having to reply to individual posts and ideas

No. 556178

File: 1590021967939.png (163.74 KB, 730x400, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.png)

fuck fuck fuck

im so scared im going to fail this semester due to corona shit.

i needed to buy some materials and a new computer asap, but since i live in bumfuck nowhere outskirts of town everything takes like a month to get delivered, my teachers only asked for the materials a week before my finals and now im straight up panicking, i genuinely don't know what to do.

my teachers don't really understand the situation they are from the big city where my college is located, heck my 3d modelling teacher barely understood that my 7 year old household computer couldn't handle 3D Modelling and I had to beg for an extended time to turn in my work, he only gave me until monday and probably my new computer won't arrive until then.

Im calling the shop tomorrow to see if they can speed up the delivery but they haven't even sent me the invoice.

We need a specific kind of paper for my drawing class and basically, no shop has stock of it now, worse than that my parents worker just tested positive for covid and is in the hospital so none of them want to go shopping for fear of spreading the disease, neither do i.

I just want to cry, i have gone from star student to failing the semester because of this stupid fucking pandemic.

Worst of all, if i fail i will have to PAY for another semester, and thats alot of fucking money, i will basically have to sue the school due to not accomodating to the circumstances.

No. 556179

>>556178
At times like this, I feel like the only thing you can do is get on social media and complain
You aren't actually being judged based on your skills or knowledge, you're being judged based on your resources

That's so unfair, I'm sorry you have to go through this

No. 556182

>>556179

Im barely active on social media so I doubt anyone would care.

Our dean is also kinda shrugging every complaint off, one of my friends already had to drop out due to her not being flexible with the money situation, Im guessing I will have to go full on Karen and ask my mother to go scream at the Dean on the telephone.

I was never expected to have these things at hand since our campus is actually really good and I always had every resource there.

No. 556191

My siblings are attached to electronic devices. You have to say their name at least twice to get their attention. They won’t do anything but SIT there on their tablet/phone/laptop. They won’t take care of themselves. They’re literally wearing pajamas from like 4 days ago. My sisters toenails are fucking gnarly , they don’t brush their hair, teeth or or shower. I’m starting to resent them. I can’t even have a conversation with them. I asked one of my sisters to help me with grabbing stuff and she was like “hoold on” and I was like “now” and she flipped out because I’m such a meanie and interrupted her ROBLOX game. My mom said they need the computers for school but I doubt they do any of that, I just hear them on tik tok or in games .
Not trynna sound like a boomer but wtf is with these kids?!

No. 556197

I hate my brain. I feel so disconnected from myself and everything around me most of the time. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself fully. I go from numb to anxious to general emotional pain to kinda ok. I just never know what to expect. I try to cope and be as healthy as I can manage in this state of mind but the ride just never ends, I guess.

I got self-harm thoughts earlier today from the sight of strawberry jam ffs. Absolute cringe but just my reality.

No. 556200

>>556079
4chan is literally dead and gone at this point. it is nothing like it was 10 years ago at it's peak and /b/ is empty besides the same 5 retards sharing/rquesting porn

No. 556201

>>556191
that sounds like my mother anon lol. she's annoyingly obsessed with her instagram social life, she literally refuses to close her whatsapp because then she'll show up as ~offline~ to her precious instagram boyfriend. and she throws tantrums sometimes if i dare to "interrupt" her from staring at her phone all day for actual irl important stuff.

No. 556214

>>556191
I only see my extended family once or twice a year, but this is what Christmas Eve was like. My sisters kept having to repeat their kids names and when the kids devices died, they would demand my sisters phones and tablets. Some of them even got angry that they were told to go either talk with each other in the other room or go play with the kids upstairs (they're all growing up with each other and like each other so this was weird to see). This is the consequences of babysitting with electronics while being technologically unaware of the impact it's having on your child's development.

No. 556215

I look so cute when I see myself in my camera and the mirror but when I actually take the picture and then it's inverted I'm actually super freaking ugly.

The right side of my face looks like it's melting off or like at least 10 years older compared to my left side.

I take pictures with Snapchat (not with any filters) all the time because I really only look cute in them so I'm effectively a catfish at this point.

No. 556217

>>556215
A lot of that is lens distortion. Hold your phone away from you and zoom in when you take a pic, it eliminates stretched features. Turn your phone upside-down while zoomed in, it also reduces lens distortion. My pictures look way better since I started doing this.

No. 556224

>>556139
What boards do you use on 8chan?
I don't go to 4chan anymore and lately lolcow has been boring

No. 556231

I envy people who can easily laugh. When I'm out and about and see two people cracking up or when I'm watching a show and my friend starts laughing, I genuinely can't fathom it. Not only is it hard for me to be amused, but when I do find things humorous, I rarely actually laugh out loud.

No. 556236

>>556224
yeah i didn't know if it was just me or not but lately lolcow has seemed really stale. especially snow. barely any actually entertaining/ridiculous cows now

No. 556237

>>556236
i've been saying this for a while

No. 556267

my dog is getting old and i get scared thinking about what i will do when hes gone one day. its scaring me. i love him so much and im lost without him.

No. 556273

>>556267
Mine is getting old too and there are gray hairs on her face that weren’t there before. She came up into my bed yesterday morning and fell asleep next to me. Its like a dog’s goal in life is just to make you feel loved. I wish I could comfort you anon. hug

No. 556300

>>556178
This may not be very helpful, but see if you can find a rental place to possibly rent a computer until your new one arrives. I did this with an online course years ago, rented a laptop and completed an assignment on McDonalds Wifi.

No. 556302

>>556300
Tech rental isn't common where I live, we mainly still use cybercafes if you need a computer, obviously i can't go to one right now, sighh.

Im unleashing the Karen Mom today at least.

No. 556330

>>556178
I know you said your Dean is being dismissive about everyone's situation but I would suggest creating a papertrail via email to prove that you did reach out to the appropriate figures to try to resolve the issue. One narrative professors love when trying to defend a challenge on a failing grade is that you the student never reached out about it, that you blew it off, and you never tried to offer an alternative.

Your professor sounds like an asshole who can't inconvenience themselves by grading your project at a later date, otherwise I can't think of a single excuse why they couldn't make an exception for you given your circumstance. Fuck I even knew a stupid lazy bitch in my grad program who was allowed to graduate with us despite not being able to complete her thesis and defense until months afterward and yet they still gave her the degree. They can accommodate you anon, don't go down without a fight.

No. 556345

Just followed my aunt on Instagram after she requested to follow me and it is already a mistake. Her and her family are very staunch anti vaxxers and conspiracy theorist. They tried to guilt my cousin into not vaccinating her son. because, get this, my aunt's (not blood related) sister is dating my cousin who's a sibling to my cousin with the son. So my cousin was trying to convince his sister.
It's a very odd relationship because we literally all grew up together and the sister was basically a cousin. (Anyway)

She's family so I can't outright block her, I just wish there was a mute button on Instagram. I should have known better but I can't not let her follow me as there's already enough drama in this family.

No. 556347

my life has been so empty due to corona so i just got on some bus and headed into the city and i met some muslim moroccan guy and had sex with him on the beach. it was terrible he lasted like 10 seconds! he wanted my number to see me again today and give me weed/xans but i gave him the number of some guy i hooked up with and just went home. i barely even wanted to have sex w him i just dont care anymore

No. 556352

>>556347
God this sounds so ratchet

No. 556353

>>556347
Is this fake or are you really stupid enough to have sex with a random man during a pandemic?

No. 556356

>>556352
>>556353

it's not even ratchet i'm just sad and tired and sex is self harm to me. it's not even fun i'm just a void. i just want to feel something and it doesn't even work.

No. 556357

>just got a new laptop yesterday
>wake up this morning and my phone screen is completely dead, flashing green and cant do anything
>cant log on to my email or clock into work because accounts have 2fa
>cant even email my boss or coworkers to tell them that I cant log on
>have ghosted 2 meetings already today
>ordered a new phone an