/ot/ - off-topic

i know where this is from. gross.

>>540519
please tell

>>540519
Reverse searched and got 5 centimeters apart or some shit

>>540610

Read the plot, sounds sad but nothing particularly "gross"

>>540632
Same, also sorry for the name being kinda wrong kinda right, i'm tired. Wtf else could the anon mean then?

>>540632
agreed. I wouldn't call it "gross". Unless you find human emotions and regret gross.

I know it's been 10 years but I still think about you. It hurts that we never reconnected that summer I left but I was angry at the time and I regret it so much now. I hate that my internalized homophobia wouldn't allow me to be with you or show you how much I cared for you. You taught me what love really was and you'll always hold a special place in my heart. I really hope you accept my friend request on facebook so we can reconnect. I want to know how you are and if you're happy, but last I checked you were and you had somebody. I hope someday our paths cross again, I still have the album you gave me. I still think of you whenever I hear those songs.

It took 4 years for me to let go, and it took 4 years to think of you again. It took 4 years of you cheating, lying, manipulating, gaslighting, and inevitably hitting me until I could finally let you go.
I always dreamed it would be you and I.
I always dreamed we would be together forever. I dreamed of you.

I wrote about you until I couldn’t anymore, I wrote you subliminal messages that only you would understand. I would’ve done anything for you, and here we are. The love I felt for you was something I will never experience again, and it’s a love I wish I could retract.
I wish I could regain those parts of me, I wish I could put the pieces together.
But sometimes in the back of my head, during a shower, or a drive down the road - I wish I could regain you again.
And I know it’s the abused parts of me talking, I know is the broken parts of me talking. That’s the trouble though. Sometimes in your mind the only person who broke you is the only person who could repair those pieces.

Dear you
its been 4 years since we stopped talking, I miss you terribly. I know you always denied what you felt because "didn't wanted to be seen as some lesbian" to your friends and family. That really broke my heart to the point of insanity, I did things I regret so I guess in a way its better off this way for us, I am sure you're happy out there probably with someone else, or maybe not if you still are not over that fear.

I want to say I'm sorry but at the same time I wished you would have introduced me to your friends and family, I felt like I was some dirty disgusting secret you were trying to keep all these years. I guess that was the power force that drove me insane that gaslighted me in to becoming someone I wasn't, I loved you with all my heart I was willing to leave my current life behind just so me and you could move to California like we always wanted to. Remember that? how you wanted me to move with you to Los Angeles so could both start a new life together. Honestly you were my first and last love, you use to say how I was your safe place and being with me made you happy and loved. You said that I was the only one that understood and made you feel loved, valid, was that ever true?. You said that you loved me and that with me things were different and that you could be yourself around me.. was that all of it was it true? did you ever meant anything you said?

wanna know a secret? I still love you and if you ever came back in to my life I would welcome you with open arms. I would probably take you back in a heart beat, but of course… thats not going to happen I have to live with that. I promised myself I wasn't going to look for you or beg you know who to tell me how you are doing (I haven't btw and I never will)

I love you and because I love you I will respect your wishes, things happen for a reason and maybe we weren't meant to be, maybe I wasn't meant to be that dirty secret you wanted to keep hidden from your family in fear of them rejecting you. I guess in the end I wasn't good enough nor important enough to be worth anything, I guess thats okay.

I hope the best for you, may you live a happy and stable life with someone else, I do hope that you get over that not being wanted to be seen "as some lesbian" so you can embrace who you are and be truly happy with someone you may fall in love with. Don't be afraid to love who you want to love, also dont be afraid of being yourself. People will love you regardless, your friends and family will love you.

Anyways take care and stay safe
I love you always and forever
me

Thanks for the thread, I hate it. It reminds me of a cringy letter I wrote and never showed to anyone besides my mom.
I was changing schools and was upset about my friends not caring enough for me and jealous of the new girl in the class
Thankfully it's deleted forever from my computer

It’s been about 4 years since we fell out when you blew up at me about some objectively trivial shit because “mug trauma” and I don’t miss you as a friend at all, but I was very fucking disturbed to recently find out that you had a baby and gave it the same name as me which, as you know, is a pretty rare one. You truly are a fucking nutter and I’m so glad you’re no longer in my life.

>>541913
*muh, thanks autocorrect

Hey there, Kaylee, Tom, Princess, Salome, Claudia and Sandra!

You were great friends and I remember you fondly. You are the ones who made sure that even though I didn't understand a word of your languages at first, and even though we come from vastly different cultures, I felt happy and welcome. You are the ones that made my experience of living all around the world a good thing, and this shaped me as a person. I want you to know what kind of imact you had on me. I'm thankful I knew people like you.

I did not manage to find you again through the Internet since that became a thing, but just so you know, I still keep happy birthday cards you sent me by post until I changed my address too many times. You will never stop mattering to me.

Thank you for caring even though it made other staff hate you, made you look like a psycho for yelling at them for being assholes to me. I heard bad stuff about you later on but it doesn't change the good you did for me, everytime I see a rosary I think of you. I'd be kinda ashamed for you to see how little I became but I think you'd be proud how you taught me to look at people in the eye, have a good handshake and I know you tried very hard to protect me. I always envied your kids and I hope they are well, thanks for everything.

If your boyfriend didn't have a gun, I would have no issue sending you this letter.

I'm the one who filmed you kicking your dog outside, and I was the one who reported it. I know you also hit your 18 month old too, and thankfully CAS was involved long before I knew. I keep track of you as if it's my fucking job because you deserve to have consequences for your behaviour. If you didn't literally date the scariest men I've ever seen get handcuffed in a standoff, I would absolutely pummel you on sight. I know I scare the shit out of you because you made the mistake of telling people. I have never had anything but pleasant small talk with you in the halls and I'm glad I exude the type of vibe that would make you think I'm against you. I absolutely am, every step of the way.

I daydream about throwing my future away just to shank you with a dirty tool in the shared hallways, you nasty teenage slut. I truly hope that your domestic violence only escalates towards yourself and when you eventually die, your baby is rescued by well-intending people. Fuuuck

I wish I could have been there to tell you that you’re fine the way you are. Not everyone need to love you. You need to love you first. You will never be the person that you want to be because it’s based on characteristics that you think other people want from you. It’s fine. Those people will only have a fleeting presence in your life. It’s ok to fail. It shouldn’t control your whole life. It’s ok to just be yourself and not listen to others.

If it weren't for him I probably would have never realized that you were a toxic person in my life. I would have spent the next couple months beating myself up over something so miniscule.

You were constantly suicide baiting and guilt tripping us. You were always talking shit behind our mutual friends backs. You constantly played the oppression Olympics and not to mention were just fucking cruel to anyone you found unattractive. Fuck you.

Its been tree years but I'm still hurt how things ended, it literally took me going to a therapist to realized how toxic and manipulative you are. The fact that you threw a bitch fit because a mutual friend of ours didn't didn't pay enough attention to you when she was going through her freshman year of college just shows how spoiled and entitled you have always been. You cry and throw hissy fits anytime things didn't go your way.

Spending time with you felt like I was always walking on eggshells, any time I said something that you didn't want to hear you would stone wall me making it hard to make amends. You were absolutely the worst toxic person that people who fall in to co-dependent relationships could befriend and that's all the people you spend your time with. Me talking about my suicidal idealizations and saying that I wanted to go into inpatient but I didn't because mental health clinics where we live is sub par and I had an obligation to fulfill that same day is not manipulation and the fact that you weren't apart of that conversation and use it as ammunition against me is disguising.

I'm glad we're no longer friends but there will always be a piece of me that wished things ended better.

I'm sorry I treated you so shitty while latching on so hard. I was so resentful of the relationship you had with your family, I was so resentful that you grew up with love and respect, I was so resentful you had people who believed in you and invested in your future. I didn't want to let you go because you were so good, kind, and well-adjusted. I had never had anyone like that in my life before you. You know what my family is like, you know how it was for me growing up. I know you tried to make things work with us and I'm sorry I was so selfish I couldn't realize that at the time. I still think about you sometimes and hope you're doing well.

I'm sorry for what I've done.
I know that deep inside you, you can not forgive me for all the shit that I've done to you years ago. I know it because you still remind me about it whenever we fight.

I'm sorry that there's no way for me to help you heal from my lies. You always tell me that you're okay with it, that it doesn't matter anymore but I know damn well that you're lying too.
Don't know why I feel so hurt about you having other girls, we're nothing anymore and I deserve that for doing the same to you.
But you still apologize like it's your fault or like you owe me.

You owe me nothing, this is just me being a selfish liar and nothing else. I hope you can someday look at me in the eyes and mean it when you say "I forgive you, and I love you".

Hi Mom,

I really really wish I could help you. It's only in the past few years I really understood how my privileges made me blind to your upbringing and how that's made you the way you are. You're an anxious, controlling mess. Dad has cheated on you for a prolonged amount of time, and you forgave it. But you married a western guy while your country was under soviet rule, in the late 80s I'm sure his 6'5" self was considered practically an egalitarian angel compared to ugly, short, arrogant eastern european men. But he's made you a nervous wreck, I only really noticed when I moved out for a year and gained some sense of self. Remember when we found out we were on the same anti anxiety meds because you thought I binned your empty packets? Lol. There's no privacy in that house, and no respect for the fact that other people might be doing their own thing. And that includes you, and you've learned to emulate that behaviour too.

I remember a turning point was when I had a bath nearly every evening then one time I was doing it as usual and dad flipped out saying it's too late to take one. I came to him and asked "what's the latest time I can have a bath then?" and I remember he was taken aback and couldn't answer. Because the whole point was you felt like you were walking on eggshells when you were doing whatever regular thing. It was as easy as that, but because I wasn't raised in the conditions to know that I just lived a worried existence. As you do every day now.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. When I think of you these days I feel so sorry for you. You make the most money, you do most of the housework and you're treated like a dog. Whenever dad tells you to shut up I think I would never ever let someone treat me that way. I think it's fucked up my romantic life because I always think any partner will cheat, but it's also acted as a template for what I definitely dont want in life. I hope when I can afford therapy that'll be fixed. I wish you divorced him then, but I can understand with your values why you didn't.

And back to the beginning, I wish I could help you but I can't. I've tried to get close to only you, but you insist that dad tag along. I tell you outright I don't like dad, you defend him. And the closer I get to you the more you try again to control my life under the premise of "I'm your mother I'm supposed to be nosy/involved lol". When I visit the family home I start to get texts again harassing me about where I am (at nearly 30), and am treated like I'm 14 again, with the attempted restricted autonomy. And I've tried to set up my boundaries, that what I do and where I go is my business and it's up to me if I want to let you know. If you could PLEASE knock before coming in. But you won't hear it. You nod and continue your behaviour and I've been trying to tell you for nearly a decade so I'm sorry and I love you but I have to distance myself from you. I wish you would visit a therapist.

Again I'm so so grateful for everything you've done and I love you.

PS I just realised I do those exact behaviours control wise to my partners. Fuck.

dear _, i'm sorry, i was a fucked up kid and i regret that you got caught up in my borderline bullshit most of all. i'm glad you're doing well

dear _, i want to finally move on and forgive you for my own sake but i just can't. looking back, i don't think you ever acted maliciously. but fuck, what happened between us was the catalyst for me rapidly spiraling downwards during my teen years. someday i'll write a more sympathetic (to the both of us) letter in my journal, instead of on a dumb lolcow thread. but right now i still want to be angry for how you used me. fuck you. eat a dick

Dear ——ing,
I'm sorry for assuming that you were okay just because you surrounded yourself with friends. I didn't realize how toxic they were and wish I could have helped you sooner. My life will always be filled with regret.
You even showed clear signs you were lonely and losing your mind, but I just accepted the "I'm okay"
The signs, the fact your "friends" got hostile towards anyone who got to close to you. Them using you until you lost all passion in you.
Sorry is not enough for what I have to say to you. Maybe me wishing we could be friends is selfish, but that is one of my deepest wishes. Show you that there are some people who really do want to just hang out with no other motives.

I wanna draw, play games, hang out with you. People like that do exist. I was just too much of a coward to do so at the time.

Dear (ex boyfriend)

it's been 6 weeks now since you left me. it still hurts like hell. We'd been planning our wedding only two days before you left me. And you never told me why you left me. I ended up having a mental breakdown and needing to be hospitalised because of the things that you said; that you hate me, i disgust you, and that the world would be better off without me. When my sister that I was in hospital, your exact reply was "good." then you blocked her number.

You still haven't spoke to me. All I want to know is what I did wrong, why you left me, why you went from speaking about marriage to hating me in only two days. Nothing happened that could have triggered this. But I still love you. I always have, and I always will.
Wherever you are, please be safe. Look after yourself and your family. And i'll always be here for you. No matter what.

>>543794
What the fuck? No explanation whatsoever?

Dear Paw,

Every morning I wake up to the sun shining through the window and onto the photograph of us. It's my favorite photo of all time because sometimes I can still feel your hand squeezing mine like you're pictured doing. Like you did in the hospital, when you were too weak to hug me back.

One of my biggest regrets was not sitting and talking with you much in that final year. I was always so scared that any long talk we had would be the last. For the first six months of last year, I thought you were fine – you told me as such, and then you had a heart attack the day before my birthday. Then you died six months and two days after the heart attack. I wish more than anything that I had asked you to tell me what you wanted to write in that birthday letter to me when I asked how it was coming along and you said, "It's hard to put into words everything I want to say to you." I hate myself for just saying "Okay" – I want so desperately to know what you'd have said. I hate that I lost the moonstone ring you got me for my birthday two weeks before you passed. It was the last thing you ever gave me, and I forgot it on a bodega bathroom sink.

I wish I'd known how close the end was in that final week. I was under the weather and terrified of hugging you but I would have done it anyway instead of standing in your doorway and telling you I love you every night after work. The hugs are what I miss the most – how safe I felt, you kissing the top of my head and telling me you just didn't want to let me go. I miss the driving lessons we had before you were on oxygen – the time you had me drive to the used bookstore thirty minutes away, but the route you chose took an hour. We even wandered through the bookstore for a couple of hours after we got there! I still haven't gone there with anyone else, ever, and I don't think I will. I miss going to breakfast with you, just the two of us. I miss the long rides to and from the bus stop, how willing you were to debate me at 6:15 in the morning. I miss the background checks you ran on anyone I ever went to go see. I miss your recliner in Maw's living room, how I slept in it for two years after moving in. She got rid of it within a week of you passing. She didn't care that Addi and I loved it, that Pumpkin laid in it all the time because she misses you, or that the living room would look empty without it.

Maw kept all your ashes. She lied, telling Addi and I we could each have our own share of them. She wouldn't let me grieve, never asked how Addi or I was doing – it's like she didn't care that we considered you our dad. She stole the rest of the savings you had for me. She even kept Pumpkin when I moved out, got my dad to harass me into leaving her, didn't care that she's my cat that you got me. Even Addi knows you were happier whenever Maw went to go run errands for hours. I'm sorry that she made you miserable – she's doing the same to us now. I wish it had been her. I hate her for having a nurse trim your beard all of two hours before you died. You were so proud of you big mountain man beard and because she never liked it, she had them all but shave it "for Jesus." It's not even like you were going to have a casket at your funeral – you were cremated! You couldn't even fucking die without that cunt criticizing you. I'm sorry you'd married her.

I shouldn't wish you were still here. I can't imagine how awful it'd be if you were to go downhill, have that "rapid decline" now. That hospice room wouldn't have been packed. I wouldn't have seen you after the firemen took you out to the ambulance. I wouldn't have been able to tell you I love you and squeeze your hand, or hear you say "happy birthday" on the right day but the wrong month, "just in case" you weren't here for it. I wouldn't have been able to thank you for having been an amazing dad to me.

Dear sheltered rich girl who was never criticized her whole life.

Why would you try to mend our friendship only to completely ghost me a week later? It couldn't have only been me trying to make our friendship work. Why the fuck did you bother to agree to talk to me again, even going so far as to reassure me you want me in your life? Why was I suddenly not worth it anymore? I hope you weren't able to get T before the quarantine so you can finally see that you're just an ugly fat girl so desperate for dick that after getting ONE you admitted you felt like it validated your existence. Fuck your fake mlm bullshit, your kpop and your obsession with your late dog. I hope you didn't use him for reference in your furry porn, you sick fuck.

>>543895
She needs a /snow/ thread

Hey, I guess we might never know what each other look like, laugh like, or even feel like. But that's okay. I've come to accept that whatever we have, even in a different time or a different life, it's all as it should be. No more delusions, frustrations, and demands. And whatever we reveal and share to each other is as real as it is. I must be an idiot for only realizing this now.

Thank you for helping me learn that the world is not as black and white as I think it is.

>>543895
lol why does this person sound like she has a furry account on deviant art. I agree with >>543907 post about her on the personal lolcow thread on /snow/

You are a bad friend. Right now I hate you so much, I'm bursting into rage fits randomly. I've put up with you for such a long time, because I genuinely thought we were friends, and I can ignore weird thing my friend says, right?
Yet it's one time I directly tell you that you're wrong, not being able to hold my emotions anymore - you stop messaging me altogether. I muted you everywhere, because I still couldn't believe that a friend can say these things and your avatar made me nervous, but didn't unfriend or block you. Now I don't have to see you in my timeline but I'm still able to receive messages from you. In case, you know, you want to actually apologise instead of brushing it off as you did that time, blaming everything else except yourself.
But you just won't apologise. You won't even just write to me as usual. You decided to ignore me back for months now, and that means you understand that you did something wrong just fine. You probably never valued me as a friend, nevermind all these moments when we shared our pain, tears, when I was here for you, supporting you through your shit relationship. You have no money for the week? Here you go, i got you. It's 3 am and your abusive partner fucked off in the night and left you alone crying? I'm on my fucking way sis, be at your place in fives. Talk about how our parents fucked up our lives? Mutual interests? Let's discuss it until the sun rises. I was here almost every day, for three years, and our friendship lasted many years before that.
But how dare I say that what you said to me once was bad and untrue, right?
I peeked to your social media, and, of course, you go on just fine. You're not really busy.
There are people that share your fujoshi interests, and I, yeah, couldn't care less about yaoi or slash. You always told me how much you cared about that one person who is obsessed with fucking firefighter anime as much as you, and I didn't think about that - until I realised, that all that bullshit is much more important for you than actual human interaction. You never cared about me as much as you cared about those people who are "famous anime artists obsessed with fandoms", who may not even be interested in you at all.
I was there. I wanted to be your friend, genuinely. You made me very uncomfortable once, I told you that you're wrong, you whatever'd, never actually apologised and now ignore me. And that's it. friendship of many years just gone.
You don't deserve a friend like me. I now fully understand those who ended friendship with you. I want to come to your place for the last time and tell you all that in your face, but I know that would be in vain, because you would ignore it (as you did with another girl that you ditched - you told me that yourself) and probably blame everything on me, and I would not gain anything from it aside from another rage fit.
The irony of it all is that you were the first to regret that everyone around you are so insensitive, if someone leaves the chat after an argument nobody would go after them and ask what's wrong! Go fuck yourself, stupid cow.

i'm sorry for ruining your lives, i did not mean to.

Dear M,

I'm sorry for having BPD. I'm sorry for cheating. I'm sorry for "wasting three years of your life". I'm sorry for being so obsessed with sex and porn and fetishes. You always said you thought women were obsessed with sex far more than men but that's not true. It's just that you had the misfortune of only interacting with BPD 4chan trash like me. I remember you said when we broke up that you hoped I would get raped, but that even then you were unsure if that was a fitting end for me because I admitted when I was violated before I had orgasms. That really fucking hurt. If I were to fault you for anything it would be that, we can't help our fantasies.

I want to be with you still. I want to find out where you moved to and just spend time there hoping to catch a glance of you.

I'm sorry.

S.

Dear F(aggot)

You’re pathetic and if you want a real “harsh reality” it’s not the Jews that made your dick four inches long

I saw this thread go by when it was first created and wanted to write a letter but never did because it was still too painful then. Now I'm three years older and it still stings. P, I hate you. You're a coward and a fucking sneak and I hate you for picking him over me and listening to whatever bullshit came out of his mouth. Fuck you. SH, you're a coward too. Seems like your whole family is. I still hope you get out of there one day and can live your life in peace. Doubt it though. Who would want to give up what you have? I know I didn't. SF, your silence hurts but I didn't expect more from you. You're fucking stupid and immature so I'm not surprised you do whatever mommy and daddy say. It's too bad you were always such a asshole to everybody including me or else we could've had it made. What else? U and O, I hope you think of me sometime when you're older and feel guilty. Believe it or not, you do have some responsibility here. Your have radically altered my life in ways I could have never expected. I was prepared for so much but not this. It took me five years to get angry, and now I think I'll never stop. Fuck all of you. You're lucky I never keyed anybody's car and if I see you in public I will ruin your fucking week.

L
fuck you, fuck the years I dedicated to you. I blame you and the amount of stress you had caused me for making me ill. You're probably telling every other girl you're grooming on discord that I "totally came crawling back" like you lied to me about your exes (all I'm friends with btw, and that should make you scared). No one likes you, no one begged for you back, we all know you have someone irl and they do too. Hope it makes your skin crawl I moved far away and I'm living your dream life with someone who treats me like an actual partner for once and you're still living in your torn-up apartment and your shit job. You'll die miserable

Dear __,

I still don't know how to make sense of what you did to me, or what our friendship meant to you. I've never met anyone like you, and your impact on my life was enormous. People told me I put our relationship on a pedastal, but I was so convinced we understood each other in a way no one else could get. I'd never had someone I felt so emotionally attuned to before you. I was so convinced what we had could overcome anything. Part of me wants to sympathize with you and extend some grace. Part of me understands why you did it. But we're adults now, and I can't keep making excuses for you. Some of the things you did to me were shockingly horrible and I can't believe my boundaries were so eroded and I was so fond of you I just let you get away with it. You violated my privacy and then punished me for what you found, you treated me like a villain for reasonable responses, only to turn around and do something much worse than what I did. I'm frustrated that some part of me still holds a lot of affection for you even though I know you don't deserve it. You weren't a good friend to me for such a long time, but I bent over backwards trying to understand you and forgive you. If you wronged me, I'd see it from your perspective and forgive you. Over and over and over. Why did I let you treat me so badly? I want to forget you were ever part of my life. I just wish I understood what you were thinking, why you did this. How can you live with yourself? I couldn't.

Dear A,

I hate you. I hate knowing that your rich family got you a cosy job and you are set for life. I hate seeing you get good reviews.

I hate that I cannot forget you, I hate that you probably never think of me. I hate that you should be in prison, and yet you're not. I hate that it's too late for me to bring you to justice.

I want everyone to know that you are a misogynist, a rapist, that you smashed my face in to a wall so hard that fluid still drips out of my nose to this day, 7 years later.

I know so much that could destroy your life, and yet I have no proof. You killed my pets. You beat me. You did disgusting shit to me while I was asleep. You named your daughter after a porn star.

I wish I could just move on but I'm angry. You had such a victim complex, but if you went through a fraction of what you inflicted upon me, you would have killed yourself.

But thats not enough for me, I don't want you to just die. I want you to suffer like I did. I want you to get the migraines. I want you to freeze everytime you see my car. I want you to have the nightmares.

Fuck you.

Dear You.
I have nothing to say to the current you. You are not who you were or maybe, you never were the person I loved to be with. Sometimes I wonder if your mental illness got the best of you, letting you brainrot all day on social media and letting you believe a shitton of lies. The pandemic took a toll on you and I know that it came in a weird time, since you were craving attention and people on tiktok gave you exactly that.
From the sweet and funny you I knew for 10 years, with no traces of any disturbance or disorder, in a matter of months, you first believed to have DID, shifting in a lot of different personalities and when I finally got used to it, despite not believing it but going along with it thinking and hoping it was just a bad phase, accepting that I will probably not see my best friend anymore, you bought into the transgender bullshit, officially killing off any traces of the old you. I know that people grow up, I did myself and I know that people change but I just want my friend back. I want to see their smile again.
Your new you deleted all of their past and sometimes I wonder if that old you ever existed and it was all a facade or this is the facade, either way, I will not wait. I will not waste anytime waiting for you to come back and if you don't, allow me to be angry. Allow me to grieve. Allow me to speak as if you died, because that's what happened. There's a hole in my mind now and a zombie walks around with your voice and face. I also hate how you lied to my face saying that you were always like this and I didn't notice because I was a bad friend, in all of these years.
Goodbye, my dear. I hope I can forget about you. I hope I can forget all the lies you've told me.
Me and the others will miss you.

Dear X, I wish things ended differently between us. I hope you can someday come out of the hole you dug for yourself, I hope you realize this is not the answer, I hope you someday will realize you were perfect before destroying yourself. Deep down I know there's still that funny, intelligent, confident, amazing person I met back then. You'll never read this but I have no hard feelings towards you. I did, but after not talking for so long the person I remember is an amazing friend, an amazing person. I miss you dearly but that version of you is gone, or buried deep inside. I hope you know how much you meant to me and do to this day. I'm so glad I knew you, but I'm also glad it ended when it did. I don't know why you prefer a life robbing stores and benefit scrounging but I hope you find a way out some day. I'm proud of you that you haven't given up, life threw you shit deal after shit deal and for all those years, every day you came out of bed and tried because you knew you were worth more. I hope that someday you'll find this attitude again.
I'm not there anymore but I still love you so so much.

Dear R
You were such an amazing friend the first years that I met you. You were kind, considerate, friendly, I felt so welcomed, I never had a friend like you before. You really came in when I needed you the most. I truly did love you, you were… Well, not like a sibling. But someone I knew I could count on.
Years later, I understand that I was over relying on you, and that my mental health became unstable and we couldn't deal with each other anymore. You also changed so much, your interests changed, your life changed, the people you hung around changed. Even your personality and physical appearance isn't the same anymore. Other people also have noticed. What happened between us is something I know I could had handled better, but I don't think we could had remained friends any longer. I don't regret this anymore. I hope I can forget about you soon.

How you gonna respond to a woman wanting to get bred when you got a vasectomy? As deceitful as always. I won't even post a warning for the next woman you give red flags enough I was just so horny I ignored them because I was lobotomized with bad dick

Dear N
I never truly liked you that much. We had things in common but over the years you became so insufferable to listen to with your increased stupidity and shit that you kept doing to yourself. I got boundaries now. You were trying to reel me in with your "you're my sweetheart" crap but god I don't even know why I even listened to you in the first place. You went out with a blast when I most needed inner peace, you fucked me up. Thanks for nothing you idiot.

Dear V
I really wanted to be your friend but I couldn't pull up with your libfem bullshit. It's been some years now but your retardation has set me back a lot in terms of friendship because I do think most people are like you. Writing this now I know that's an over exaggeration but you really made my avoidant self hide from others even harder. Liking reggaeton is cringe.

Dear P
We really never had anything in common. Live your best life. I also resent you a little but I know it's better to never see each other again. It's been a while now anyway.

Dear R
I cannot afford to have a deep friendship like we had anymore. I don't think I can open myself to someone like I opened myself to you ever again. And there I go becoming even more avoidant. But you know what I learnt? Being smart and using an autistic mask is better than getting hurt. I hope no one hurts me like you did ever again.

Dear F
You DO NOT want to know me. What you want to do is try to see if your suspicion about me is correct. You're such a fucking asshole, all I feel for you is disdain. I should had been smarter. I will protect myself against you and have strict boundaries. I'm not here to play games, I'm not here for you to play victim and do the whole main character syndrome charade, you will never ever get close to me thanks to your own stupidity. I hope you break up with your girlfriend and I hope your life gets ruined. Btw, he still loves me. Hate me harder faggot. Break a vein. I will be so kind and so cute and so loving with him you will seethe so fucking hard. And don't worry, my mask will be even better this time. You're welcome.

1.
I never got to know you. I sometimes think about you, if you were around, if you didn't pass, how different would life have turned out for me. Would things be this broken if you were still here? Everyone says I look like you. I didn't get your personality, but I got your mental issues. I do miss you, I just never knew you enough to be sad about it. I think about that day a lot. Ironically, I live two blocks from the funeral home we had your service at, and another two blocks where you did -it- I go past both places a lot. The funeral home looks just how it did when I was a kid in 93. That day rushes back every time I see it..(pic related)

2.
I'm sorry I wasn't there on your final days. The anxiety was too great. I wish I had visited. I always tell myself tomorrow ill do it, and it just rolls over to the next day. I'm sorry for breaking your heart, I'm sorry for every time I made you sad. I love you, I miss you.

3.
I wish we got to hang out more. You were a great friend to me. You always made me laugh, you made life a little easier, you were a bright star that burned out too quickly. I miss you all the time, everyone abandoned me after you passed. But don't hate them. They abandoned me because I couldn't help my mental issues.. I let them down. I'm sure if you were still around, you could have talked to them… I miss watching Shrek with you every Tuesday. Your husband is doing well, I see him now and then. I can tell deep down he misses you, but he's moving on, I know you loved him. I'm sure you want him to be happy, and live his life. He is, he's always surrounded by friends.

H,

How does love turn to hatred? Or maybe you never loved me but that’s also too hard to believe. I know you did. We were once inseparable, two of a kind like Gemini. The moment I met you I felt a connection, it was undeniable.

What a fucking mess.

Mother,

I thought I hated you. I never got bullied at school, but you bullied me at home. I thought I hated myself for a long time, too. And yet, I was a good kid. I got a job, degree, didn't do drugs or drink and I am completely independent from you. I didn't do anything wrong.
You'll never apologise. And even though I should hate you, I don't. I pity you. You push everyone away - I think you just resent me for escaping from you, because dad and sis stayed.
Your health is poor. You need to step up and look after yourself. You have autism, even if you don't believe in it (thanks for passing it on, by the way).
Sometimes I have dreams that dad leaves you, and you live and die alone in squalor. I always wake up crying, even though you evicted me at 19. You didn't care where I ended up, and yet I care where you do.

I don't think I'm anything like you, and that brings me peace.

T, You lying bastard. When i read you died i laughed. Maybe because i couldn't cry over it anymore, maybe i laughed because i thought i was finally free from you. I'm not free, none of us is free. Your actions are forever written in our minds and histories. I hope your spirit feels quilty even in death. I wonder if we meet in the afterlife and what you'll say.

Is almost 2 years since you passed away and now I miss you even more after the fiasco I had to dealt with. I wish you would be here to tell me everything is going to be ok and it wasn't my fault.
I love you.

You deserve to die a horrible death

I wish you the world regardless of how things ended. You're a great person and you'll go on to do great things. I do miss you. Please take good care of the ferrets, I miss them so much.

You are a pathetic man, and you always have been. A self-pitying, weak man who contorts reality to maintain his fragile ego. The sort of man who beats a little girl and kills her pet cat, but still believes he is the one who deserves sympathy. You are the sort of man who has the audacity to tell that little girl, now a woman, that you expected your "intentions" to vindicate your monstrousness. You look at me and you expect, what, pity? I feel none. You have made my heart cold. You are shameless. The fact you still sit across from me and say the most awful things about me, and then challenge me to disagree with your "simple facts" is astonishing. I was so stunned I couldn't speak. Where do you get this audacity from? Do you really want to go there? Do you want to talk about "simple facts"? How about the fact you spend all day playing video games, never lifting a finger to help cook or clean? How about the fact you are such a useless parent, mom only trusts me to look after your youngest child instead of you? How about the fact that you haven't worked in over a decade, but still find it in you to criticize your wife's paycheck? Or the fact that you're so weak your stint in grad school ended with you dropping out, suicidal and demoralized? You really want to criticize me when you are the only thing standing between me and everything I want? You, in your glass house, throwing rocks. You are complacent because you know I cannot fight back. You won't let me drive, won't let me leave, won't let me live. Mom says you're just getting desperate because you're scared if I leave, I'll never come back. She's right, you know. I do hate you. And it is your fault. It's all your fault.

Every single day I come across something that makes me think of you again. A song we sang together, a thing you loved, something we laughed over together, an opinion or odd habit of another random person that reminds me of you. I miss you constantly.
If this sounds like a confession of love, that's because it is. I don't know if you genuinely want to reconnect or not, but if you do, and if you'll be living in (redacted) next year, I apologize but I don't think I could bear spending time with you again. When we were still friends, my heart would ache whenever you mentioned him, or even when you were too busy to give me attention. I was more attached to you than a friend should be because I was desperately in love with you. I knew this wasn't sustainable, I knew you would never feel the same way, but I thought I'd have a little bit more time with our status quo than we ended up having. With the year I've had to reflect, I don't think I could try to force things back into the way they were. With me having come fully clean to myself about my feelings for you, I don't think I could push them back down again.
I'm sorry for the way our friendship ended, and I will deeply regret how I made you feel for the rest of my life, I think. But even if you did forgive me, I think I would be put in more pain seeing you again than cutting ties forever.

A,

You'll pay. You'll pay for being so shitty to me. Karma will get you 10 fold. You hideous, balding, stupid, jumpy little faggot. I hope you know that nothing you say is interesting or insightful. You're a very boring stupid person with boring stupid opinions and thoughts. All your friends will outgrow you like we did and pretty soon, you'll be the only 30 yo loser still flunking uni and hanging around 19 year-olds. I hope you keep working at that shitty place, making minimum wage your entire life. I hope you get arrested. Fucking faggot.

it's so fun to me that people really do peak in highschool…i can't even imagine that. life is long (ideally) but all your potential and greatest hits happened when you were like 16. maybe you had fun in college. but then you start to rot. it's just fun to see!

and i mean i'm very sure you're happy being a disney adult with three kids from three different ugly goblin men and you love your green stretched out tattoos and you probably don't even care that you weigh like 300 pounds now but to me, your life is a nightmare. maybe that's why you were such a bitch? knew you'd end up a literal npc? kek

I miss you and I hope you are doing okay, I liked being your best friend, I'm sorry you moved away.

I don't know you personally, and I've never spoken to you, but you have inspired me so much. You are one of a kind, and I hope you continue making art forever, even if you aren't posting any of it online. Finding your blog was like a breath of fresh air; everyone online is so inauthentic these days, but you're just so unabashed about your passions. I frequently go through your archive to re-read your musings and admire your drawings—all of it is so unique and special; it's rare for me to find things that make me feel this way. I'm glad you overcame your anxiety and started posting your art online. Thank you for existing, you wonderful human being.
yes, I'm aware of how parasocial I sound, that's why I'm posting this here instead of randomly sending her this creepy paragraph.

Dear cuteness,
I am almost glad we never so much as even kissed, you are someone who will always exist to me as that scrawny emo teenager and those butterflies I get in my stomach when I think of you will never go away. Me thinking of you will also never go away, I think about you a lot, such an anomaly. I hope you are still the same innocent nerd

>>540422
If your mind would be a place, it would be a house made of amalgam and brittle timber. It would have stairs becoming ropes and ground giving in, the couch rears up in grey and the mirror reflects only what’s behind you. All the hallways seem endless long until you suddenly bump into the door handle that unscrews itself, and the creaks echo in the bathwater long after it’s drained.

But you hear the phone clearly ringing, a familiar distant voice asks for that email, letters need to be send and answers given, step outside and the road is firm and proud and open in its reliable glory.
But it’s on the inside where you reside, where that maze is giggly dragging you through its undergrowth, placing you in its center, like a tag game, your turn, find your way back.

Find a way to write those letters from anywhere. Place that phonecall from the slippery roofs, using the antenna in the middle of the a storm, write that email in the basement that gets gently flooded, while the keys patiently demand a third press. You are trapped but you ain’t dying. It’s when you loose touch with the outside, when you miss a bus ticket, when you belate an appointment, when you misheard a break for a knock.
The rules of your house are not those of the office. And not those of the streets. Enter your house, rest, learn it’s language, it is your home. And find a way to sleep.

I love you, I miss you. I know you hurt me and I hurt you but looking back on it it wasn't really intentional for either of us. I miss talking to you, calls, doing art and crafts with you. Yet I'm so scared. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't blocked you. I wish we could be friends again. I miss you.

You really were everything to me. I was blinded by my own insecurities to see how much I was nothing to you.
I think that's what hurts the most. I'll never be the same, and you won't have given it a second thought.
I wish I had never met you all those years ago.