/ot/ - off-topic

>>464109

Anon you are super young and need to read this

http://the-eye.eu/public/Books/Radical%20Feminist%20Literature/Gavin%20de%20Becker/The%20Gift%20of%20Fear%20%28123%29/The%20Gift%20of%20Fear%20-%20Gavin%20de%20Becker.pdf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

It’s a book about gut instincts

>>464111

This book covers manipulative tactics used by men like your neighbor


Another strategy used by Kelly’s rapist is called typecasting. A man labels a woman in some slightly critical way, hoping she’ll feel compelled to prove that his opinion is not accurate. “You’re probably too snobbish to talk to the likes of me,” a man might say, and the woman will cast off the mantle of “snob” by talking to him. A man tells a woman, “Youdon’t look like someone who reads the news- paper,” and she sets out to prove that she is intelligent and well-informed. When Kelly refused her attacker’s assistance, he said, “There’s such thing as being too proud, you know,” and she resisted the label by accept- ing his help.
Typecasting always involves a slight insult, and usually one that is easy to refute. But since it is the response itself that the typecaster seeks, the defense is silence, act- ing as if the words weren’t even spoken. If you engage, you can win the point, but you might lose something greater. Not that it matters what some stranger thinks anyway, but the typecaster doesn’t even believe what he says is true. He just believes that it will work.

I recently got a close look at several of the strategies outlined above. I was on a flight from Chicago to Los Angeles, seated next to a teenage girl who was traveling alone. A man in his forties who’d been watching her from across the aisle took off the headphones he was wearing and said to her with party-like flair, “These things just don’t get loud enough for me!” He then put his hand out to- ward her and said, “I’m Billy.” Though it may not be immediately apparent, his statement
▪▪ ▪
177/814 was actually a question, and the young girl responded with exactly the information Billy hoped for: She told him her full name. Then she put out her hand, which he held a little too long. In the conversation that ensued, he didn’t directly ask for any information, but
he certainly got lots of it.
He said, “I hate landing in a city and not knowing if anybody is meeting me.” The girl answered this question by saying that she didn’t know how she was getting from the airport to the house where she was staying. Billy asked another question: “Friends can really let you down sometimes.” The young girl responded by explaining, “The people I’m staying with [thus, not family] are ex- pecting me on a later flight.”
Billy said, “I love the independence of ar- riving in a city when nobody knows I’m com- ing.” This was the virtual opposite of what he’d said a moment before about hating to arrive and not be met. He added, “But you’re

178/814 probably not that independent.” She quickly volunteered that she’d been traveling on her
own since she was thirteen.
“You sound like a woman I know from Europe, more like a woman than a teenager,” he said as he handed her his drink (Scotch), which the flight attendant had just served him. “You sound like you play by your own rules.” I hoped she would decline to take the drink, and she did at first, but he persisted, “Come on, you can do whatever you want,” and she took a sip of his drink.
I looked over at Billy, looked at his muscu- lar build, at the old tattoo showing on the top of his wrist, and at his cheap jewelry. I noted that he was drinking alcohol on this morning flight and had no carry-on bag. I looked at his new cowboy boots, new denim pants and leather jacket. I knew he’d recently been in jail. He responded to my knowing look as- sertively, “How you doin’ this morning, pal? Gettin’ out of Chicago?” I nodded.

179/814
As Billy got up to go to the bathroom, he put one more piece of bait in his trap: Lean- ing close to the girl, he gave a slow smile and said, “Your eyes are awesome.”
In a period of just a few minutes, I had watched Billy use forced teaming (they both had nobody meeting them, he said), too many details (the headphones and the wo- man he knows from Europe), loan sharking (the drink offer), charm (the compliment about the girl’s eyes), and typecasting (“You’re probably not that independent”). I had also seen him discount the girl’s “no” when she declined the drink.
As Billy walked away down the aisle, I asked the girl if I could talk to her for a mo- ment, and she hesitantly said yes. It speaks to the power of predatory strategies that she was glad to talk to Billy but a bit wary of the passenger (me) who asked permission to speak with her. “He is going to offer you a

180/814 ride from the airport,” I told her, “and he’s
not a good guy.”
I saw Billy again at baggage claim as he ap- proached the girl. Though I couldn’t hear them, the conversation was apparent. She was shaking her head and saying no, and he wasn’t accepting it. She held firm, and he fi- nally walked off with an angry gesture, not the “nice” guy he’d been up till then.
There was no movie on that flight, but Billy had let me watch a classic performance of an interview, that, by little more than the context (forty-year-old stranger and teenage girl alone) was high stakes.
Remember, the nicest guy, the guy with no self-serving agenda whatsoever, the one who wants nothing from you, won’t approach you at all. You are not comparing the man who approaches you to all men, the vast majority of whom have no sinister intent. Instead, you are comparing him to other men who make unsolicited approaches to women alone, or to other men who don’t listen when you say
no.

>>464109
Shouldn't have said you owe him one.
He was just trying to get that favor back in an overbearing way.

Wow perfect timing anon, I just started my first job and have already had several creepy encounters featuring older guys. I’m 20 but I feel like I act/get mistaken for a bit younger since I was home schooled and I’m not the best at socializing with people. Anyways, just the other day I was bagging this mans groceries and he goes, “you’d be even more beautiful if you smiled~” like…ew. It was right in front of other employees too. Another time I was waiting to get picked up from work and this man walks up to the ATM right next to the bench and says, “You know where I can get some grass, you don’t look like it but I thought I would ask.” I REALLY don’t look like the type to smoke weed, like at all. I just stare at him for a minute before answering no. He then proceeds to ask if I find him attractive and if I’m single…I freeze and he eventually leaves but now I just wait inside the store until my ride comes. Another time I was waiting for my ride again, this time it was during the day so I felt safer. Then this guy walks past me and says, “You look really pretty today”, I instinctively reply “thanks” but he goes into the store. He comes back out a few minutes later with no bags or anything in his hands. He then sits next to me on the bench, gets up sits on the trash can while mumbling to himself and then he comes back over and sits next to me again. And asks my name but before I could answer he just reads my name tag and introduces himself. I just sit there awkwardly but thankfully my ride pulls up and I speed walk over to it whole the man yells it was “nice to meet me”. I’ve only been working for a month and I’ve had smaller encounters but these were just the most recent…

>>464115
Reminds me of negging from PUA autism.

>>464129
You've got to get some grown woman confidence anon, the moment you start to seem like anything other than a defenseless lamb most of these guys will decide you're an unattractive bitch and won't bother with you in the first place.
Take a moment after someone speaks to you to think about what to say back to stop yourself from giving automatic polite answers, you don't owe anyone an instant answer. When someone gets angry that you're not playing their game they will go straight to the "I was just being nice" guilt trip like clockwork, don't buy it, you didn't ask for them to interrupt your life in the first place. Think of how a character that you look up to would act, if that helps.

>>464117 this was really interesting but I didn't realise it was from the book at first. Instead I thought some anon was having weird keyboard issues while telling her story lol

>>464109
>be me, 16
>sitting on bench in heavily foot trafficked area, waiting for boyfriend
>get approached by attractive man, probably late 20s/early 30s
>he’s very charming, starts to chat me up and shows lots of interest in me
>my 16 year old dumbass takes all the interest as a compliment
>after a while of talking he finally asks ‘so how old are you, anon?’
>tell him I’m 16
>looks at me with absolute disgust
>’oh.’
>’I thought you were younger.’
>he angrily storms off

I will forever remember this interaction, it was so unnerving in retrospect just how brave this pedo was, approached me in full daylight with plenty of people around that could see and hear what was going on. What the actual fuck.

Then of course there also the man who followed me around at night until he finally approached me once I was alone and said ‘I’m sorry, but you have a GORGEOUS rack, can I please talk to you?’ <- what the actual fuck did he expect me to say other than fuck off??

>>464173
hahahah sorry but samefag, guy wasn’t much older than me in this story, happened just a few months ago. Turbo autist in his 30s, I’m now in my early 20s - this dumb cunt had the absolute nerve to come try and chat me up while I had my two young kids with me and what pray tell was his line of absolute seduction?
‘Man, little kids are annoying, huh’ he says as he openly stares at my tits.

Do men that approach younger women have brain damage?

I had a man my grandpa's age try to touch my exposed asscrack when I was trying to stock bread up front in a grocery store job. I was bent over and my tween self didn't know how clothes were supposed to fit.

I was wearing high waisted shorts and tights as part of my outfit, walking a the back parking lot to get home. Some dude was driving past, stopped, turned around and made wide circles around me trying to make me stop. He probably assumed I'd sell him some poon.

I was standing at a bus stop, wearing normal clothes, going to my job downtown on my day off. It was fucking hot so I'm wearing a tanktop and jean shorts. I was holding a present for my manager at the time. This dude (homeless, trying to catcall me ever since he saw me) touched my arm and I flipped my shit. I screamed at him to not touch me and he holds his hands out saying how he was sorry and there was no need for me to freak out.

I used to get gawked at by all these homeless dudes that would stand around the stoop near my complex. It was gross but eventually they all left. I've had one even full on PISS at the bus stop and didn't see a problem with it. I had no pity for him because there are at least 3 bathrooms within his radius he could go to.

I can't tell you how many times old drunk assholes think they're entitled to my time. I ignore them now. It seems to go away once they realize your reactions are limited and you are not amused. My best advice is to either ignore them, go to a public place to lose them or just pretend to call the cops/a relative/whomever and walk away. Obviously defend yourself if they touch you or try to harm you but if they're verbally creepy, don't give them your reaction to get off to.

>>464121
anon do not blame her for the actions of a creepy fuck who is definitely old enough to know better

>>464195
Not that Anon - he for sure would have harassed her whatever she said to him, but absolutely never say you "owe" anything to a man, OP. Most of them are braindead perverts addicted to porn, they will always read into it sexually. It also seems like a bad idea that anon lives alone at 18.

>Thanks, I owe you, you know where to find me
Sane adult translates to mean: Polite nonsense to express your gratitude
These men translate to mean: Owe sex and invited me to her house to claim it later

when i was a server in a country club, old men would constantly hit on me, chatting me up, trying to linger at the bar while i was busy taking orders and making drinks. i was the youngest one (me, 19-21, the rest being 30+) of the staff of all women, who all had a very familiar way of talking to the customers. i was not there for it, so after the first couple of unwanted advances i started to request to just clean stuff up, even tho collecting glasses and plates, at times earned a hand on my back, eyes staring at my chest and ass and sometimes catcalls.

older men truly are fucking pigs. it was usually the younger guys there who left me alone.

i had this thought that when i was closing down, a man would like jump out of the locker rooms and do things to me, if i wasn't careful, so i would sing real loud or pretend i was talking into my phone while locking up, so i didn't feel like i was being watched or unsafe.

at a point some polish workers were doing some construction at the hotel across the road, and they always came in an hour before closing. they were nice and tipped (even tho u don't really tip here) me, helped me clean up and always said bye with a smile. they made me feel safe. but if it was some old dude left in the cafe? yikes

and when i was 13-14 i was so afraid of walking outside because men would catcall me even if i were acompanied by my mom in the city.

The first landlord I had after leaving home was one of these, and I was terrified of him but felt like I had to be nice to him in case I offended him and he turned on me. He'd show up at my door to chat like we were friends. He groped me several times. He often stayed in a vacant apartment upstairs from mine and I was always paranoid he'd drilled a hole in the ceiling and was watching me. The day I moved out, he backed me into a corner and pushed his face up to me the way men do when they're expecting you to kiss them on the cheek, and I did because I was scared of him. I feel sick thinking about it. I moved out pretty suddenly and I think he did that because he felt ripped off that he wasn't going to get to creep on me anymore. He knew I had anxiety and depression because he'd asked why I was skipping college so often and I stupidly told him, so that probably made him feel like I would have been easier to take advantage of.

He had a daughter who was my age who lived in the apartment across from me. I wonder how he would feel if a landlord treated her like that. Hell, maybe he did treat her like that. The creep vibes he gave off were that strong.

>>464109
> the whole week he knocks on my door and I pretend I’m not there
This pisses me off the most. Take a hint.

when i lived in chicago, some indian guy in a suit the day before valentines day had made eye contact with me, and we were literally two blocks apart. this guy crosses the street twice to tap me on the shoulder, i was terrified wondering if i was about to get mugged. he said to me something about wanting to put a smile on my face and i said i was incredibly sexy in my dress and some other PUA shit. i was furious and just said "okay…" and turned around, ready to walk away, and he was like, "may i ask you on a date?" and i just said "no. i have a boyfriend." and walked away in panic. like wtf it was so weird and autistic. use tinder or something dude idgaf just dont bother me when im walking back to my apartment from class

>>464151
You’re right anon, that is something I need to work on for sure. I’ll also be waiting inside the store from now on, even in broad daylight and people around cause men just have no shame apparently. I’m thinking about getting some kind of protection as well, though, my mother says that’s a bad idea because it could be used against me/I wouldn’t have time to pull it out anyways. But she also doesn’t think any of these encounters are a big deal because “creepy guys don’t think they are being creepy, they don’t know any better” or whatever nonsense…

>>464278
Honestly I used to conceal carry it's frustrating because I feel most vulnerable on my way to or at bars and nightclubs but you can't bring them in. I can however open carry in like whatever shopping center though. America is a terrifying mad max wasteland. Pepper spray is great because it has a range and buys you plenty of time to fuck off. I have no experience with tasers.

Also I don't think you were talking about guns but gun bros are some of the worst men alive get your education from women and take women only courses and save yourself the pain.

I actually feel a lot safer with a phone or video camera and practicing getting it ready in time if something goes wrong. I don't get bothered by men when I walk around with a DSLR around my neck either I've noticed. This might not work at your job but once you are off keep your phone on and visible when you walk to your car maybe?

Also like keeping something on you is a good idea but your first instinct when something goes wrong is running the fuck away and/or making a big scene. When I can't just walk away from a creep encounter because I've been at work when men have been sketch to me I just pretend to be sort of obtuse and loud and say shit like. "Why are you touching me? I don't know you?" or "I don't like the way you are talking to me, I'm working right now." something that clearly calls them out but gives you an out if he complains to your manager or something.

I kind of had to practice that because it's so natural to just laugh it off and pretend it's fine. I probably practiced too much because once female coworker adjusted my shirt without warning me at an event and I immediately shouted "DON'T TOUCH ME!" and absolutely horrified her.

>>464315
Imagine needing to carry a gun to protect you from mass shootings.
Glad I live in Europe.

>>464337
This doesn't necessarily fit my description, but I think American Women are the only ones who should feel the need to carry at any time

Just from what I've understood from living in America, guys carry weapons in case they need to kill someone–Girls carry weapons because guys are physically stronger than them and refuse to take no for an answer

>>464337
no sane American actually believes that carrying a gun will protect them from a maniac with a black market automatic whatever-the-fuck - that's usually a mindset of the type of male who thinks he's gonna be some kind of hero. Won't happen. Also the anon you're replying to was obviously talking about protecting themselves from just one person harassing them, not a shooter situation. Hopefully this thread wont derail from anti-American projections. My country is shit but this gets really boring to talk about.

>>464433
promise I'm not trying to derail, but have you never tried to emigrate to Canada or New Zealand or something?

>>464337
imagine when a dude breaks into your house at three in the morning and who can lay you out with one punch.

imagine holding something in your hand which equalizes the situation and will keep the man from coming near you.

all single women should own and become proficient with a gun.

>>464694
>who can lay you out with one punch
He'd do that before you get a chance to pull out a gun. I get that guns make people in the US feel more safe but they don't actually guarantee you any protection.

>>464699
yeah, well, that's just your opinion, sis. mine is that i conceal carry and i know how to use my gun. i sleep soundly. it's all good.

>>464699
Oh ffs there are no guarantees in life. Guns exist, they're not magically disappearing from US society any time soon, and at least having the potential to equalize the threat ratio between you and an attacker is better than being completely defenseless. You need to live as if you exist in the world you're actually in, not the fairytale you wish was true.

I always get fucking creeps talking to me when I walk my dog.

The worst one was when there was some dude who would sit on the steps of our building for a few days. The front doors are a bit of a walk behind where he was sitting, so I didn't think much of it, maybe he was waiting for someone or a student waiting for the school bus, who knows? He looked really young from a distance, and I didn't pay any mind to him because I kept seeing him there around the same time. One day, out of nowhere, he decided to ask me about my dog. I walked in front of him on the sidewalk (unavoidable) and realized he was a much older man. "How old is your dog?" "She's 15" "Oh wow so old! How old are you?" "22." "Oh wow, 22? I thought you were younger than your dog, haha!" and all I could think was "Why the fuck are you talking to people who you think are underaged girls on the street you fucking creep"

Even worse was when my dog and I walked off, she was sniffing around one spot and I was standing there with my earbuds in (my mistake, I don't listen to music anymore when I walk her) watching her, he appeared OUT OF NOWHERE from behind us crouched down and trying to per her. I jumped back like 'hey um WHAT THE FUCK' and he just said "oh haha! I just wanted to pet her!" like fuck my dude. I don't expect a creep to have basic fucking manners and ask before petting someone's dog, but if I wasn't already freaked out, this put me on "I'm about to scream as loud as I can" edge. He stopped appearing around my building soon after.

I also usually get some other dudes who just wish me good morning out of nowhere. They'll stand in one spot or sit on this dumb rain garden on my block and try to make noises at my dog to get her to go to them. Thankfully my dog is old and has tunnel vision, she doesn't fucking hear anyone when she's busy sniffing something (me included lol). When I first came back home after living away at college, I definitely fell into that "be polite even if you are being alert" phase, but now I just don't give a fuck. Don't wish me good morning, don't make noises at my dog, fuck right off.

>>464337
>Glad I live in Europe.
Me too. Imagine having to worry about terrorist attacks, lmao.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

>>465125
Glad I don't live in multi-culti shithole like where those stars are or US or Canada or AUS

>>464337
Yes because Europe is the safest place for young women.(racebaiting)

Wtf is up with all this unsaged /pol/-tier shit from yanks? Embarrassing, do you really think this sperging makes your country look any better?

>>465162
It's not only the US that laughs at Europe.

>>465162

ok Jafaar , we won't make fun of Europekistan anymore(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

>>465162
lol yankhurt

>>465162
>(racebaiting)

Since when Islam is a race in itself?

>>465154
I live here. This isn't true.