/ot/ - off-topic

A bidet.

you wash your ass and cooch after using the bathroom with this.

ass washer

>>332585
>>332589
>>332590
You're just messing around right? Cause those are water fountains…right…?

>>332592
pls don't drink out of there, anon. you'll get a bacterial infection.

Uh oh

>>332592
Nah they’re fucking with you. That’s where you get your tap and brush your teeth.

>>332584
[Italian intensifies]

Apparently bidets put fecal matter in your vagina, which sucks, because I really want one. I'm the kind of person who can't feel clean after shitting without showering off.

>>332612
>put fecal matters in your vagina
How?

>>332620
NTA but I just googled and found this
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21058441

>>332630
these kind of bidet dont shoot water up your ass like the japanese ones. you just rinse it using your hands.

>>332637
>using your hands

what's even the point…i just want something to shoot soapy water into my asscrack, i dont want to touch it..

>>332637
> expecting me to clean myself when I could have a water cannon equipped robot do it for me

DRIPPED

>>332584
I can't believe you people don't know how a fucking bidet works and how to use it, the water doesnt have to go nowhere near your vagina if you use it properly lmfao

>>332663
who are you talking to, the people in the study? lmao

This type is far superior, you can shoot the water only far up your ass, and then wash your vagina afterwards if you feel like, it's really good for when you have periods too. Also you can wash the head so no chance of accumulated fecal matter from being inside a fucking toilet seat like the japanese one.

>>332620
Just a tinfoil theory: But remember how people say not to store your toothbrush openly in the bathroom because each time you flush shit, the fecal particles get aerosolized into the air and land on the brush bristles?

Well, it kind of makes sense to me that on the occasion when someone doesn't use the bidet after taking a nasty dump, when they go to flush, the fecal particles wind up getting flung onto the tubings and opening of where the bidet water jets out.

So next time you want a pleasure rinse, there's gonna be some fecal flecks in that there happy hose shooting right onto your bits.

>>332673
>>332620
>>332675
my question is what are these bidets like? because some bidet toilets or bidet add ons have covers that are completely covered while not in use. of course, all pieces need to be cleaned every so often, but i dont think all bidets are made equally

Do you people honestly waste time thinking about fecal matter in your bathroom when it's pretty much everywhere around you? Just wash your ass after you shit and go on with your life, Jesus Christ

>>332683
yes

>>332683
fecal matter getting into your puss is a good way to get infections

>>332716
well adjusted people bathe and dont wipe back to front. sorry your shits are so messy

>>332675
>So next time you want a pleasure rinse, there's gonna be some fecal flecks in that there happy hose shooting right onto your bits.

My new favorite quote

You wouldn't even need all this butt blasting if you were able to achieve the illusive clean break every session. Little do you first worlders know, this whole time you've been happily perched atop your porcelain pedestals what you've REALLY been sitting on was a throne of LIES. The natural position is that of the deep squat, where the stars and bowels are aligned and feces flows free and easy, and all is right with the world. While you elevated yourselves up skyward out of the squat, you were descending into a mire of puborectalic contraction and dooming yourselves to disappointing halfpoops and unsatisfactory shits.

>>332728
>this woke shit

i hope to achieve these higher levels of bowel contractions

>>332728
living is such a nightmare to the senses

>>332717
the whole subject is bidets getting shit flecks into your purse. did you just read the phrase "fecal matter" and fly into a spergy rage

>>332739
nah i havent been a part of the big ol bidet debate above just passed by for a quick second. squat anon kept me coming back tho. theirs was a powerful post

>>332743
can't argue with that

Why are they separate? I'd love a mini shower for my butthole but where's the soap? I'll stick to wet wipes then…

>>332728
I had to do the squatty potty stance yesterday night at my bf's house.

I had come to his place after being out with my friends. I was drunk and high as hell. We had eaten greasy pub burgers, and so by the time I arrived at bf's place I was ready to pop.
I waited for bf to go to sleep. Yeah. Potty time.

I went into the shared bathroom he had with his roommates and nothing was too unusual except for what seemed like some extra tp someone leftover in the toilet.
I peed and squeezed out a couple of small tidbits. Flushed.
SOMEONE BEFORE ME HAD STOPPED UP THE FUCKING TOILET BECAUSE SUDDENLY WATER WITH MY POO PEBBLES ALMOST BREACHED THE TOP RIM!!

Worse yet, I realized my body had tricked me with stealth poop; turns out the hard little bits I had squeezed out prior were merely a portent of the liquid shit that was to come. I didn't have much time left. Furthermore, this was the only toilet in the house. No plunger.

I panicked, and I was paranoid.
I didn't want to wake the house and then be accused of being the one who clogged the john. I didn't want them to know it was my poop in there! I scooted back into bf's bedroom and thought of somewhere I could shit, it couldn't be directly outside because it was an urban area.

But…his porch was perfect. It has a solid barrier about waist high. I found a plastic shopping bag that said "Thank You :)" on it and I committed to my deed. I grabbed some tp and stepped outside onto the porch.

At first I was apprehensive because I wasn't sure if I was positioning my butthole directly over the bag, so I grabbed a tray of some potting soil and put the bag on top of it in case I missed. Certainly I didn't have any cleaning supplies to clean my shit off the porch if I missed.

Anyway. I dropped the payload, wiped myself, tied off the bag, and then plunked the "Thank You :)" into a conveniently placed trash can right below the porch. I must say, I didn't even require much tp because the squatty stance kept my butthole relatively clean.
Nobody has found out what I did. I slunk back into bf's bed knowing minutes prior I took a dump on his porch.
10/10, would recommend the squatty method for optimum doody.

>>332749
Here's the soap. You keep it on the bidet, ready for use

>>332728
Based. How do I install a chinese squat toilet in a western country tho?

>>378247
you could just get a squatty-potty thing

raises your legs to achieve the same angle

>>378249
Oh okay.

I'll just use a stool (pun unintended)