It’s ironic to have a thread on being bullied on a site like this, but I think some people will relate. What are your experiences?
Long story short, I’ve been bullied almost my entire life, my family make fun on me daily, the people I try to speak to online make fun of me, it doesnt matter how little the person knows about me, it always happens. I try and be a kind person to whoever I speak to, and I never be rude anyone who isn’t trying to be rude to me. It feels like the world isn’t made for people like that though, it’s like every person I speak to just wants to humiliate me. It’s worse when it’s a group of people, and they are all laughing at something you’ve said (sometimes at something you were joking about, but they take completely seriously). It hurts so much and all I want to do is shut myself off from everyone so they can’t do it anymore. Anyone relate?
I used to get the everloving shit bullied out of me. My mother and my aunt mocked me constantly, hit me, and used me as an emotional punching bag. There was a little sex stuff, too, but not much.
They kept me away from other kids, and I had a hard time trying to be social as a result. So, school was just getting shit on and hit until about 8th grade when I started getting mean and fucked with kids who were weaker than me. I had been violent with other kids before, choked a male friend of mine with his hoodie, kicked a 1 year old boy in the back, stuff like that.
What really changed is my approach towards people, guys especially. Before, I would try to be nice and end up getting pissed off, now I just set out to ruin people's day, cut out the middle man. Made a couple people cry, male and female, brought a knife to school, attacked a couple people with tools, got institutionalized, drugs, showed people how to cut themselves, killed a couple animals, Nazi phase, convinced some fat Mexican boy that I was going to shoot him dead, showed people shock videos on school computers, taught everybody homophobic and racial slurs, threatened to eat my teacher's kid when she visited. She was 4, guess she was traumatized and my teacher ended up leaving the field of education about a year later.
I didn't really chill out until about 10th grade. This guy I was crushing on (even though I kicked him in the nuts a couple years back, when he had tried to hug me) saw me walk past a duck and her ducklings out in the parking lot. He was adamant that I leave these ducks alone, he threatened to fucking kill me if anything happened to them. I hadn't even planned on killing the ducks, I was just going to go buy some smokes, so I was suprised and kinda distraught that his opinion of me had sunk so low. Turns out he's into dudes, anyways.
At this point my aunt had left my life (after killing my cat, who I still miss terribly) so I wasn't getting pushed around as bad at home, I was in a good enough place to try to be a better person.
Most people at school were afraid of me, and I was always good at lying to adults, so I was able to make peace with everyone on my terms, discovered that I had a sense of humor everyone liked, ended up being popular if not romantically successful. I ended up developing a circle of friends that ended up helping me get my first job and found me a place to stay when my mother threw me out for the 3rd time. In return, I helped them boost collectible cards and Legos to flip on eBay. That was 2012-2014, the boiada of organized retail fraud.
I got a little too comfortable with my crew, though, and I got a little soft, at which point they all turned on me and ripped me off of a whole lotta money. I suppose the weird sex tension between my main guy friend and I didn't help. I think he saw me as like a last-resort backup possible girlfriend, in case the bitchy girl he was with didn't work out. Someone's gotta watch his kid after all. I never made a move on him, his girlfriend fucking hated me anyways.
Now I've got a new social circle and I'm stuck dedicating a lot of time to subtly threatening them and avoiding them. Gotta keep these ones on my side.
On the plus side, my mother is out of my life for good, she cheated me out of my car and threatened to kill her cats. I didn't need her anymore, anyways.
I'm thinking about skipping town soon enough, changing my name and all that, just to get away from society, try to do what I did in high school and reintegrate from a stronger position in a new place, far away from these jerks and creeps who all have dirt on me.
You know, writing it all up just now kinda makes me think I never really dealt with getting bullied. I just learned how to live with it. Maybe that's why I always have trouble when I'm in positions of leadership, I don't know how to use power over people in a positive way, and I've barely ever been in control of my own life, so I've always had trouble with responsibility. Guess I'll go have a smoke and think about what I've learned today.