/ot/ - off-topic

It is impossible to find any other terves around so here I am crypto.

There's a libfem in my life I'm afraid I will have to pull up with for a long time, and I'm never going to tell her what I truly believe in. She's the yass queen type of person that grew up on tumblr therefore everything she has seen in there is heckin valid and worth defending. I don't want to talk much about it, it's exhausting. When I read picrel and said the abusive moid should had died in the end she was like "isn't that too extreme?". Just one example out of many. I don't intend to fight her so I'm just going to shut up and keep things to myself.

>Having a FTM best friend
Guilty. I think I'm able to be friends with her because I'm not as opposed to troons as other anons are. Most of my hate is towards the ideology itself and TIMs, TIFs are too chickenshit to be a huge threat and I pity them mostly. Also I'm a zoomer so unfortunately troon shit is baked into our culture, there's always a friend of a friend gendie. I was friends with her since we were pre-teens so it's been a long journey, even had a thing for her for a little while. We don't talk as often as we used to, since transitioning she has been much more of a handmaiden and it's a struggle to deal with that because I don't care for men at all. She started testosterone sometime during covid and I'll never forget when I opened my instagram one day and saw an update post from her, suddenly gained weight, acne and rash covered face, greasy dyed hair and mustache. I mourned a little because she was really cute, had a face like bjork's. There was even more strain put between us when she started dating a TIM, I worried for her despite not peaking yet. She stopped making time for others during that period and I was really starting to think the worst, they broke up thankfully. What really hurt to see was how much her interests and personality changed during her transition, she used to be very insightful and have a lot of cool hobbies that I admired her for. It doesn't seem like she practices them anymore and all her social media posts is about troonism or queer discourse. She doesn't even stick up for other TIFs either, just constantly defends TIMs. It's been difficult putting distance between us but I feel conflicted around her, she's a good person very deep down and I want to support her but I feel like a coward watching her make such a huge mistake. I've not talked to her in a while, but I do hope things change for the better for her.

My two most important friendships are with a diehard TRA and someone who is forced to drink the gendie kool-aid because of her field of work. These are both friendships I have had for 15 years in the former case and over 20 in the latter. Because the first is more of a staunch TRA believer I just don’t bring it up to her, nor do I really comment on it if it does come up. For the latter I am much more open about my TERF beliefs, in part because that friend recognizes that not all trans people are as valid as they want you to believe. I’m slowly peaking her and it’s been pretty successful so far.

My older brother is a TiM who skinwalks me. I have limited contact with him and when he tries to bait me into affirming his womanhood I just ignore it. Our relationship has always been tumultuous so I just see him trooning out as the next logical step, since to some degree he has always perceived me as having an easier life and being more successful and favored than him. So I see where the autism line of thought of becoming me came from. I just don’t have patience for it.

I suppose, in summary, I usually meet people where they are. I am crypto for the most part but choose to not really comment on any of my beliefs to most people. If I was interested in dating I would be open about my beliefs and have a zero tolerance policy for any sort of tranny stuff. Aside from that the most I will do is hint that I am not really a supporter. I’m most open on here and to my mom because she also thinks my brother is fucking nuts. Feels good to shitalk his fried hair to someone who will listen.

>>2535607
Why is she in your life?

>>2535634
Does that really matter?

>>2535596
My family is muslim and I don't believe in anything at all. My family doesn't seem to care much besides thinking I'm weird for not wondering who created us or equally stupid topics. My parents would kill me and themselves if they knew I eat food with pork when I'm not with them and don't have to worry about getting caught by anyone they know. As for my friends, we met long ago when we were students in the same university. We have a lot of things in common and like each other a lot, we trust each other a lot. But a few years ago several of them turned into massive TRAs. I keep my beliefs hidden from them but also make sure they won't assume I know or care about this topic as much as they do. If one of them tries to initiate a conversation about Harry Potter or JKR and asks for my opinion I usually pretends I'm not keeping up with what's going on at all and all I know is what happens in the novels which I read long ago. Not participating in the fandom after the last volume was released when I was in middle school helps a lot. If we weren't such close friends I would have "dumped" them but I still value our friendship a lot. If they eventually learn my opinions and decide to never speak to me again so be it. I already mentally prepared myself to this outcome

Besides that I try to not be too close to other people. Many of my coworkers became close friends and I more or less get along with them but they almost all did or said things that makes me believe not getting too close to them was for the best, whether it's because of their opinions on love and relationships, money, work, hobbies, politics, women's rights, etc.

A friend in my friend group thinks men are disgusting for being addicted to porn (which they are) and will often rant about it, meanwhile her entire personality revolves around being a fujo into rape porn. Most of her friendships are with other likeminded fujos bonding over their porn. Her primary interest in any media is if she can turn it into porn. She cannot watch a movie or read a book without shipping two male characters (she's seething if they have female love interests) and if she liked it she will engage with the porn/fanfic side of the fandom with no interest in the actual plot or canon. Her entire life is fixated on porn, but because it's gay and often cartoons she flat out denies that it's even porn. She also doesn't care that people around her like me who aren't into rape porn or isn't a fujo doesn't like it and will still for example talk the whole movie about how Draco would totally rape Harry in the toilets going "haha too graphic? Sorry sorry… he would tho!". Not saying she's worse than a porn addicted man, but she is literally more porn addicted than any male I've ever met in my entire life. It's really hard being friends with a fujo, especially when I (unlike her) actually hate porn and over-sexualization. It actually makes me sick and depressed to be reminded of rape and that women are into it too (even if it's male on male). She's a childhood friend of some of the women in the friend group so I can't get away from her without losing the whole group.

>Do you cut them off, or humor them?
If it gets too bad and starts outweighing any positives I perceive they're bringing into my life, I'll cut people off. This can still be hard sometimes as I struggle to meet new people these days and a lot of my hobbies are infested with TRAs.

>Do you act indifferent? Badmouth them later?
I've done both. I can genuinely not let it bother me since I'm used to it and they might not be people I wanted to be super close with anyways, especially if I'm only using them to talk about a mutual interest. But I'll also shit talk them with my other friends who know them and laugh at their retarded takes about things like gender shit together. In the past I would confront those types directly but after doing it many times I realized it's pointless because they usually don't listen at all and would always try to shut down any discussion and act like I was the reincarnation of hitler for disagreeing. In general if someone reacts normally to criticism and doesn't immediately shut me out, I'll be more likely to bring up any problems I have with them directly, rather than see them as a lost cause and just shit talk them to other people. I'll usually test people by bringing up small issues I have with them and if they can't handle that without becoming hysterical and overly defensive I'll judge that they wouldn't be able to handle anything major as well, and reduce our interactions to things I feel can still benefit me, or stop talking to them if I think there are none anymore.

>Can you befriend and stay friends with people that have different values than you?
It really depends on them, what it is and how often it comes up. If they lack values I think are basic I find it hard not to resent them too much to be friends long term. For example if they're very self centered, not kind to me or others, generally apathetic, "it's not that deep" type of boring people that can't have any interesting conversations, people that lack self awareness, are the type to ghost others and think that's fine, etc, our friendships will inevitably end because those are just attitudes I don't really fuck with. I've only stayed genuine friends with these types when they actually heard my criticism of these things and changed for the better, but that's rare.

If we disagree politically or they're a TRA I can engage with them on other topics (mutual interests) but it definitely creates a wall between us and doesn't tend to lead to deeper connection, since I always feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them and it makes me generally consider them unintelligent and respect them less for believing in that stuff.

>Are beliefs more important than relationships?
It kinda depends on the relationship and how much it adds to my life, and how much of a deal breaker those things actually are. My mom and I disagree on a few things (not gender shit) but I would never cut her off, so in that sense she's more important than those beliefs I have. My dad however has done some very bad things and I can't really overlook them like I do with my mom because they're just that bad, so it's more of a dealbreaker for me and I consider him less important.

>How much dissonance are you willing to tolerate?
If it gets to the point where I feel like 90% of our interactions are just me having to forcibly hide who I am way too much and they aren't providing me with a lot of value in exchange, it's not worth it anymore.

>Is it distressing, or are you chill enough about it?
I find it mildly distressing but at the same time I've come to terms with it over time, and it helps that I still have people who match my values, understand me better, and actually let me be myself.

>If they did something you greatly disapprove of in the past, can you forgive them if they're truly sorry?
If they actually change for real and it wasn't anything too terrible, sure. I knew someone who would constantly ghost me but now this doesn't happen at all after I called it out, so I'm still willing to be their friend and forgive that behavior as long as it doesn't happen again, even though it really annoyed me.

>>2535749
i will never understand fujo shit. like imagine being sos cucked that your sexual fantasies dont even involve you but rather you sitting in the cuck chair watching two guys you're attracted to fucking each other. it's weirdo shit imo.(fujo sperging outside containment)

>>2535772
You are always sitting in the cuck chair if you like any form of shipping, pixels cant love you.

All of my mutuals on my fandom Twitter account are some flavor of gendie, mostly he/hims and a few she/theys. They're just insecure nerdy women and it pains me to see a "X character and Y character are trans girls in love yasss" headcanon tweet every other day when we all know TIMs don't give a fuck about them. The worst part is I have no other choice since this fandom is for a niche Japanese game without a translation, so it's a "all English speaking fans know each other" type of deal. Like I said, they're just regular nerdy fujos if you ignore their TIFness, so I put up with it and try to keep my distance (no DMs or Discord) to avoid using their pronouns. The only person keeping me sane is this online friend I've known for five years who shares most of my beliefs and hates gendie shit too. I introduced her to the game as well which makes our discussion a breath of fresh air. I want all fujo TIFs to peak now.

I have a recently trooned out TIM in my friend group. Was never super close with him but I know "invalidating" him would alienate me from others from the group. I just try to avoid the gender, dont call him by any name, by mister/miss etc. (Thank god my language doesnt have gendered pronouns.) I notice some others from the group seem to do the same. He has also been hanging out more with his new troon friends, I guess us cis scum dont understand his special feels kek. But anyway complicated situation, dont really know how it will end yet. Im not going to bend over backwards for him to feel validated in his delusions but I dont want lose all the other friends.

>>2535797
>The worst part is I have no other choice since this fandom is for a niche Japanese game without a translation, so it's a "all English speaking fans know each other" type of deal
>ooe pic
You are in hell. Do not ever give in and join any discord or associate too deeply with BNFs, many are cows and there is decades long drama and retarded highschool-tier interpersonal dynamics. Literally there is an unspoken burn book of people who are "cringe" and who get absolutely their entire life made fun of in DMs and trooncords with dozens of people in them don't ask me how I know

Met a nice girl recently, she was very unassuming, kind and chill, she even gave me some free sticker that she drew herself (it was a cute, unassuming chibi-esque sticker, like picrel). We went to the same school so we had things in common. But then, it turns out she's mainly a hentai artist, with very porny hetero drawings, with a hentai art social media account, and I told her I try to stay away as far as possible from that type of media and she told me she would make a sfw account someday but now I'm not sure if it's worth to connect with her. The only contact info I got was that page and I forgot to ask her if she could give me anything else, I felt like it was too much to ask for a personal number or email. I haven't had a new friend in ages, let alone a new female friend. It's already pretty hard to get along with men that like coomer stuff (in nerdy spaces that's 90% of them) but I would be able to excuse it a bit more from a woman, though I'm not sure, the art was very uncomfortable to look at. What do I do? Maybe I shouldn't bother.

>>2535875
How bad was the art?

My stepsister started dating a saudi moid awhile back and he is the most insufferable cunt I've met. I wish i could talk to her about it but she seems to prefer depending on him financially.
>he blames women for everything, is filled with gender stereotype talk
>pretends to be a wholesome chungus while gossiping and talking shit about people from irl online
>convinced all women are golddiggers (he never had a gf before, before her he was an incel)
>peterson cocksucker, pretends to know everything in life while having a rich family
>always brags about money
>NEVER lets her have new friendships or even hang out with anybody online without him. shits crazy. he always needs to be involved
>is a proud redditor and will always comment on everything in the most reddit way possible
>screams instead of talking because he wants to be the center of attention
>is so insecure he has to make a random conversation awkward and call himself fat. noone cares
>is a pornsick weirdo, tried fingering her under a table at mothers place. fucking retard
She keeps complaining to me how her only friends are men, when I know myself that she lost every female friend she had because of him. They all find him uncomfortable and weird and she takes it personally and dumps them. Dude is literally not allowing her to be around people without you and moneytraps u, how the fuck am i supposed to help u with that?

>>2535879
I don't know how to describe it but it was really moidish in theme and presentation.

>>2535881
He probably sees your sister as a gold digger too, I would run away from men like that as soon as possible. I hope she can leave him and connect with you and her female friends again someday

>>2535846
It fucking sucks, nona. The BNFs are all gendies too (but you seem to know this already) and some of them understand Japanese, so it's impossible to escape their influence. I keep to myself by only participating in light discussion and joking on the timeline with others because I know I'll eventually slip up after joining a server and whatnot.
>there is an unspoken burn book of people who are "cringe" and who get absolutely their entire life made fun of in DMs
That isn't surprising to hear. The BNFs are always being vague about discourse, and even I am blocked by complete strangers in the fanbase for not liking a certain character despite only interacting with my few followers. It's a very isolating experience.

My best friend is a low effort no-T thembie and it has been tough to deal with. She is aware of my gender critical views and typically agrees with me, but won't drop the pronouns, probably because her entire friend group outside of me treats gendie identities like social currency. I care about her so much and know exactly why she feels so alienated from herself and I keep hoping she will snap out of it, but in the meantime, I mentally treat it as similar to having a Christian friend. I don't believe in religion and find it net harmful even if someone finds personal comfort in it, but sperging about how it's fake won't change anyone's mind and will just lead to losing the friendship altogether. My friend has always been kind to me and we have supported each other through many dark moments in each other's lives over the years and I hate the thought of losing her just because she succumbed to the current zeitgeist, but I really wish she would go back to being the funny weeby nerdy friend I first met all those years ago. I sometimes find it surprising she is unwilling to badmouth me or drop me despite knowing I am GC and that she very openly claims me as her closest friend, but it makes me wonder if she feels the way I do, but in reverse.

As a terfy Russian conspiracy theorist who works in defense I just sorta realize pretty much everyone I know is going to mortally disagree with me on something. So I just talk about what I can with who I can. It’s kind of like not being able to please everyone.

>Having a relative that fell for a cult
my brother. he's always been an insecure gym rat with parental abandonment issues and keeps falling in and out of love with cults and cult-like shit (he even joined a couple MLMs very briefly). he loves the idea of canned salvation and keeps looking for it only to realise they're just full of shitty conmen and dropping out.
outside of that he's so stereotypically moid brained at such a base level, i can't even begin to explain it.
i have cut him off for the most part and when i do have to put up with him, i'm civil but distant. i saw a lot more of him in recent years on account of the birth of my nephew. he's a sweet kid but i fear he will ultimately be too much his father's son.

>>2535617
be careful, she will betray you. the ideology is stronger than their humanity, care and consideration for others

>>2535946
>even I am blocked by complete strangers in the fanbase for not liking a certain character despite only interacting with my few followers.
Sorry about that nona. From (maybe) knowing the people involved you must have come on their radar for being part of the people who have "the wrong opinion" about the game hopefully it just ends at this and nobody is actively making fun of your tweets. I had to leave that space for my own mental health because it was getting too toxic for me, and as you mentioned it's impossible to escape their influence because of japanese/resource sharing. I wonder if this is what happens to any niche fandom that lasts for more than a decade, people becoming crazy and toxic. I had to see it happen in real-time to people I considered friends, the obsession with discourse and hating on harmless fans they didn't like. I do miss lightly talking about games and shitposting with people though. Disappointing to hear people are still vagueposting about discourse, some BNFs are well into their 30s.
You're doing well to stay with your non-gendie friend, my mistake was slipping up and getting found out I was crypto. Hope you can enjoy the game and have fun with your few mutuals though.

>>2535744
You're brave as fuck for this.
>>2535881
How old is she? She sounds retarded but if she's really into the aesthetics of the Dubai sugarbaby lifestyle and spends her life on Tiktok watching other retards do the same shit, she's well and truly cooked. She needs to get off social media, or you need to get her to watch enough videos on DV and controlling, coercive moidal behavior for Tiktok to start recommending them to her. Honestly though she's probably going to spend years with this incel fucker and the best thing you can do is be there for her, without telling her straight out that he's bad for her. If you do that she's going to run straight to him and make him cut you off.

>>2537243
She is 32. And yes, she spends her whole day browsing Reddit and TikTok while spending her money on Temu. I really worry for her, because it's clear that this guy is controlling and it disgusts me. Dude is literally controlling whatever she does in front of everyone.
I have tried vaguely speaking to her about domestic violence and such, but she is extremely delusional. Hell, last time a woman tried befriending her, he ended up shoo-ing her away. I am always this close to arguing with him over shit, but I can't let that happen, because I know he will end up manipulating that into his favor. It's sad, really. I also wonder if anyone has experience with any mommy's boys out there? I know he always proudly exclaims about being mommy's boy, clearly being the favorite child.

>>2535833
Literally what happened to me kek, except unfortunately my language does have gendered pronouns, but I avoid calling him by those and his made up name and so far I've never been called out for it, probably because I keep my interactions with him to a minimum. I just talk to the other people in the group and try to ignore his existence as much as possible without it being too obvious that I hate him, especially since the few times I interacted with him post trooning were insanely obnoxious. He also does the same thing with hanging out with his new troon friends more now but I'm glad about that since it means he isn't shitting up the chat with his bullshit as much, every single time he appears it's to talk about tranny shit and how much us evil ''cis'' folk are privileged and boring. That or posting coomshit and talking about how hot he is (he's hideous kek) and fishing for validation from the people in the group.

I can tell the other people in there don't really like him (never did even before he trooned out, tbf) and are just humoring him because they think that's the nice thing to do, aside from one or two that seem like genuine TRAs and might possibly troon out too in the future. I just talk shit about him with my other friends who also hate him, which can be fun.

>>2535951
I think with that kind of friend it's good to plant the seed that you will be there for them if they ever decide to detransition. Don't push it on her or directly say you think she will, just gently let her know IF she ever decides to do that you wouldn't judge her and would support her. I know a lot of tifs don't even realize going back is even an option, and they know their friends wouldn't approve even if they ever had those thoughts.

>>2537286
>I try to eat vegan most of the time but I cannot afford to be strict and rigid about it.
thank you for this

It's hard to love someone that loves you back, when that someone fundamentally disagrees with you. I'm not only talking about romantic relationships but all relationships in general. I hate the current zeitgeist, but realistically, what can I do about it? Just ride the wave.

A little off topic, but I fucking hate it when moids attempt to ethicfag or moralfag about women. Like. You're a man, you ain't got ethics or morals yourself. But we're the evil boogeymen for asking a question