/ot/ - off-topic

>mom was single before she remarried
>when I was 7
>she had to hire babysitter to watch me sometimes while she went out
>regular across the street wasn't avail, so they got babysitter's teenage brother to watch me
>I innocently would ask adults to scratch my back sometimes thinking that was ok if I knew them
>watching Nickelodeon
>ask the guy if he will scratch my back
>immediately gets under my shirt, which is something most adults wouldn't do but I figure he's trying to do extra good job
>notice his hand motions creeping down on me lower and lower
>mind is too innocent to know what this is escalating to
>soon he's pretty much feeling up my ass and crack
>tried to ignore it but finally turn to him looking worried
>"Now that I've scratched you I want you to scratch me someplace."
>he unzips his pants and pulls out his floppy, pimply teenage penis
>all I remember is flesh with red bumps because I didn't know what a penis was
>he's wanting me to touch it
>I'm sheepish because I knew on a gut level that it was bad
>hesitate and freeze
>he starts barking commands egging me to do it but I still couldn't
>"IT'S OKAY!" he yells while his eyes enlarge like I'm being scolded
>I touch it once and burst into tears from being yelled at and not understanding what was happening
>I got up and quickly ran into my room, locked the door behind me and sat in front of it crying uncontrollably
>the last thing I remember is him banging on my door for me to come out
He probably ran across the street back home because he was afraid I might've told. But I didn't.
My mom was ultra religious and constantly hammered into my brain that "private" touching was wrong and people who did it were bad. Well, I was bad too.
Besides, I hated telling her the truth. Even for smaller things, she would always say I could "tell her anything," but usually she'd then crack my ass or criticize me for it.

I had nightmares, but it was more metaphorical rather than re-living the scenario. I would dream of a dark, looming beast with its genital region exposed (but also darkened because I didn't know what a penis was so my brain couldn't fill in that blank). I would cry and mom would ask me what the bad dream was about, but I couldn't tell, because then I'd have to come clean. She'd yell at and embarrass me. I was fearful of someone finding out my secret and getting into bad trouble.

Maybe my secrecy was justified. I don't think my mom would have believed me as a child because she always fancied herself as a good parent and hardly believed she made seriously egregious decisions. I wasn't listened to much as a child.
When I told her about the molestation when I was a teen she called me a liar because we had gotten into an argument previous about boys. She thought I was just saying it to add fuel to the fire about her not listening and being mean to me, and that being justification for why I sought boys for companionship–although I was 100% right.

When I told her as an adult in front of a couple of other family members–in a casual sort of way when they had brought up those old neighbors–she was suddenly sympathetic and didn't remember me telling her as a teen.
I didn't let it show but that made me so angry, because she would accept/reject the truth based on social pressure.

TL;DR Molestation and emotional neglect as a child caused me to have some trust issues.

I was molested by my brother and by a kid I had a crush on in elementary school. My brother is around my age and it was more along the lines of childish curiosity/body exploration, so I don't really hold feelings of anger or betrayal or disgust towards him. We both didn't really know what we were doing.

Kid at school molested me on the bus. He'd also take me to secluded areas on the playground and would talk about sex with me. Looking back, something had to have been going on for him to talk about sex at such a young age, but I still find it hard to separate my feelings from it.

I also was groomed by a pedophile online. He would have me sing for him on mic and he would try to dirty roleplay with me on Yahoo. My other brother read our chat logs and had a stern conversation with me not once, but twice, which should have helped but all it did was make me feel even more guilty. Pedophile also tried getting me to touch myself and send him pictures, but nah.

In middle school, I was felt up by a female friend when we were hanging out. She was pressuring me to use a vibrating neck pillow as a makeshift vibrator for her but that didn't go anywhere.

Dad discovered Jesus at one point and turned ultra-Christian which led to some very bad blood. I remember him screaming at us to pray or else we'd go to Hell, banning movies, shit like that. It turned everyone in the previously nonreligious household into hardcore atheists.

I was also fat, ugly, and hairy, and I had two near-death experiences before the age of 10 so you know how that goes.

when i was 10/11 i told my parents for months that i felt ill, this went on for ages and they never believed me and said i was lying for attention. i told other people like my older sibling, grandparents, teachers at school, but everyone kept saying i was making it up. i had to be collected from a school trip by my dad because i felt so sick and on the drive home my mum and dad kept shouting at me for lying and making them drive for hours to get me.

after talking about it for like 5 months i eventually got a really high fever, i was hallucinating and vomiting across the length of rooms, eventually i had to be taken to the hospital and i remember blacking out in the waiting room in a&e and nothing after that until i woke up 3 days later. i'd had type 1 diabetes for months (probably since a kidney infection) and had ketoacidosis for a long, long time. i looked like a skeleton by the time i got into hospital and nobody around me had believed that i was ill.

the doctors told me i was so, so close to death and my body was permanently damaged from being so ill for so long. it took me a few years to register that having people tell you that you're lying when you're throwing up constantly and your head is spinning fucks you up in a few ways. i didn't realise that before i was in hospital i talked a lot and was happy and outgoing and confident and i lost that entirely. i've been a different person since i was 11 and i've always felt like what i feel like is unimportant because nobody listens anyway. i nearly died just because nobody would listen, and my family STILL make jokes about how annoying it was that i kept saying i wasn't feeling well when my body was eating itself

>>253143
[sighs] fucking hell this is why teenage boys should never be babysitters

my parents left me alone with my half brother once and he pulled the same act,
hearing ppl go through worse makes me feel bad for them but hearing ppl go through the same thing makes me feel better thanks anon

My childhood best friend went missing after being snagged by some guy. Neither him nor the guy were ever found.

I have severe PTSD and nightmares from it. I don't like going out into the world because I'm afraid I'll be kidnapped too. I don't want to have kids because the reality is that there is some shit you just can't protect them from and it's not worth the risk of the horrible shit that can happen to them. People don't realize just how real and common these types of situations are until it happens to them or someone they know. The reality is there are predators everywhere just waiting for an opportunity.

>>253210
>this is why teenage boys should never be babysitters

Right? It's too much of a risk.
I understand many boys wouldn't consider touching a kid but I wouldn't want to be wrong for my child even just once.
If I ever had to leave my child at home with a babysitter I'd set up surveillance. I know that sounds over the top but so many parents have saved their children from abusers that way.

It was all too common back in the day for babysitters to get away with abuses. I'm sorry for what you went through too and I'm glad I made you feel a bit better.

>>253210
>>253224
I hate 'not just boys!' stuff usually but my usual babysitter when i was 5-7 was a teenage girl and she was vile. She'd get me to take my clothes off a lot and dress me in different things even though i was definitely way too old to be dressed by someone else for their amusement. She never touched me but a couple of times she took pictures of me getting dressed. I only found that specifically creepy a couple of years ago when I realised it was on a camera and not a phone then, and there was no reason to just take a camera with her, she'd brought it planning to do that

I honestly think families should definitely have a camera or something if they have a babysitter regardless of who it is. Horrible teens are worse than horrible adults and giving them power over someone younger for a few hours is just letting an insecure psychopath do what they want. It's not worth the risk imo

I was molested by my male babysitter too. The ironic thing was I wasn't allowed to have male babysitters for the obvious reason, but they made an exception because he was my cousin.

I fully agree with the person who suggested video surveillance. Why take chances with your kid's safety when it's easily avoidable? Honestly, a babysitter who does nothing wrong should feel more comfortable being taped. Some kids are little monsters and will threaten adults with false abuse claims simply for not getting their way. Cameras protect both parties.

>>253143
That's awful, anon. Hope you're doing well.

I had a lot of time on my hands so I made a chart
Feel free to use it anons

My mom gave me permission to cry the day my dad died but not a single day after. But the way I was raised I didn't feel anything until 10 years later anyways.

>>253161
wtf anon, that's horrible. I'm angry at your family for you. Did anyone ever apologize?

>>253161
I notice that when kids get sick and it's not visible a bunch of parents and adults think the kids are acting like drama queens when they complain about feeling sick or being in pain. It's horrible. I've had similar things happen to me with my parents and some teachers a long time ago except it was far from being as bad as you.

>>253273
nah, nobody apologised. it kept happening while i was in the hospital too! i remember i had to have a catheter because i'd been unconscious for a couple of days and i kept crying and telling my mum it was leaking, she wouldn't believe me and tell a nurse. eventually i told one myself (i was 11 and embarrassed to mention it myself ofc) when she passed and i'd been right, obviously.

i don't think i ever lied much as a kid to have it be supsicious to them? obviously children lie but it just seems weird to keep not believing me about things like that. there was some either word stuff in our house that i was always told i was imagining when i brought it up too, or it was just downplayed and i was told it was nothing. i remember i used to have to hide any mail for my dad somewhere so my mum could read it without him knowing he got any.

anybody else know they definitely had some bad shit going on around them and only remember a few weird little moments?

>>253285
Fuck your parents anon, I'm your new mom now.

My mom was very emotionally and physically abusive, and when she got with my step dad he took up the emotional abuse and made me feel even more hopeless than I had previously. they took my cat to a animal shelter when I was at school and I never saw her again. I just now came to this realization but, my childhood baby sitter was also physically abusive and would touch me inappropriately under the guise of giving me a bath.

>>253287
To add on to this I developed depression around the age of 9 and had first attempted at age 12, my mom would make me walk around in short sleeves so people could see my scars and would isolate me whenever I wasn't being totally submissive to the abuse. I also went through sever bullying to the point of where I got the absolute shi t kicked out of me and had to change schools only for the bullying to continue to a less degree at the new school

When I was around 5/6, my friend who was the same age told me she wanted to do what she saw her parents doing. So we got naked and we touched each other but even as a kid I was weirded out and thought it was wrong, so I made her stop. But after that I was way too fascinated by anything sexual, so I was looking up porn by the age of ten. Around that age I realized what had happened and I felt very guilty and ashamed. Around ten I would ask my close friend to have sex with me (not even really knowing what it was) and she was like no lol. I just feel grossed out with myself because I would be caught touching myself sometimes or looking up porn on the computer from a young age. My cousin, who was a teen girl, also discussed sex in front of me and would show me porn sometimes even though I was so young. Also I have a memory of her and her friend looking at me naked and asking me sexual questions. I think I'm fairly normal now, but I still feel ashamed about it and wonder how fucked up I seemed to my parents/wonder how much they knew (or if they just blamed the porn searching on my older brother).

>be born to 17 year old high school student and 20 yr autist and pedo.
> get dumped at pedo’s house every weekend.
>grow up thinking you are trash and you ruined everyone’s life’s by existed
> experience isolation due to pedo not wanting anyone to find out what happened
>he forces you into experiments that just fuck you up
>he forces you outside after scaring you for weeks makes fun of you because you are awkward.
>be 15 move with mom and stepdad
> get used as a stress ball to their relationship
> 16 your mom is cheating on your stepdad and she leaves you alone with him for the weekend
> Mom comes back shit hits the fan in both her life and mine with schoolwork + stress
> get text message during school “congrats you killed your mom”
> come home crying
> mom is fine she just fell of her bike
> “still your fault that she tried to kill herself”

I’d continue but I spent too long doing my makeup today to cry

My childhood was a fucking mess thanks to my family. And there are there main people at play:

Mom

>Narcisstic
>Heroin addict up until I was 12, then her addictions shifted to gambling and smoking weed
>Before that, she would just be gone for random periods of time.
>Stratigically kept me away from my father. Went out of her way to curate our meetings and how we though of one another so I would always favor her
>Had dozens of boyfriends she would have me around, before vanishing with them to shoot dope
>Went out of her way to express that, while I could never be too ugly since I was born from her, any ugliness I had had been brought upon by myself
>Bragged about my achievements to others for her own gain, but honestly didn't give a shit about my education unless other people were looking
>My aunt almost took her to court for custody over me when she refused to clean up her act, ended up cleaning up just enough to keep me
>"FELL DOWN THE STAIRS" while pregnant with me. Claimed she tripped on her night gown but my aunt told me a completely different story. I ended up being born as a premature dry birth with the umbilical noosed around my neck and fucked up lungs
>Had me while still technically married to her husband.
>Regularly let me be abused by said husband, would often blame it on something I did or didn't do.
>Would often agree with him when he called me retarded or slow, just to 'shut him up'
>Didn't believe in normal child punishments, preferred to 'break' me instead
>…However, she would let my older cousin (who was in his thirties att) beat me with belts and just stand back and watch or laugh.
>Alternates between being smotheringly affectionate or incredibly neglectful depending on what kind of picture she's trying to paint for herself
>Shows obvious preference to her older children
>Has a creepy, borderline-incestuous codependent relationship with my older brother, they do almost everything together and depend on each other for way more than they should
>Has actively stopped her husband's suicide attempts at least twice, yelled at me and called me stupid when she realized what I was doing
>Called me stupid for the most inane shit
>Would make me call my dad with made-up expenses just to squeeze more money out of him (he was already sending way over what the courts said he had to)
>Would give me hush money/gifts and use them against me when I tried to tell other people about the bullshit going on in my family
>Would tell me that she'd eventually divorce her husband so she and I could live together peacefully on our own. When I was in grade school she told me she'd do it when I was in middle school. When I was in middle school, she said in high school. When I was in high school she said she'd do it when I graduated, and so on.
>Allergic to apologizing, or even comprehending when she'd be wrong.
>Almost childlike relationship with my older sister. Sometime the lines between mom and daughter would be blurred to the point where it seemed like my sister was the 'mom'
>So incredibly critical that my slightly overweight cousin would not eat in front of her for years, in fear of being called names
>Moneygrubbing as fuck, my dad retired in my teens so I got a check from SS instead of child support directly from him. She'd pocket all but 200 of it (about 900 dollars) and I'd have to pay for every other expense with the remainder. Her cut went towards weed and clothes and whatever else she wanted. Mine went towards eating
>Even if she was home, she'd lock herself in my brother's bedroom while they smoked pot
>Bodyshamed me as soon as I started developing. Seemed to non-jokingly believe I had 'wished' for big breasts just so she had to keep buying me clothes, instead of giving me her hand-me-downs (my mother is very petite and very superstitious)

Her husband

>'Half a bottle of Crown Royal after work every day' functional alcoholic. He went through so many bottles of CR that mom sewed a set of full-length curtains out of them
>Hated my existence with a passion
>Had a high-paying job so nobody really challenged him, at most they tolerated his antics
>Has called me by my given name less than a handful of times in my entire life. Prefers things like 'crack baby' and 'retarded bitch'
>Despite hating that his wife is a strung out ho that makes Courtney Love look like a Nun, he'd always take her back, compensating by treating me like garbage
>Would wake me up for the most insane shit in the middle of the night, like picking up towels or scrubbing the shower while he watched
>Loves my brother so much that he cried when he came back to live with us, despite the fact that he may not be his actual son
>Ripped up my artwork and broke lots of my stuff growing up
>Would damage his own car and blame it on me
>Paranoid schizophrenic, the worst of his symptoms started manifesting when I was about 14 or so
>Would impress really weird rules that only I had to follow, like not being allowed to have candy or having to go to bed way earlier than every other kid in the house (we sometimes had my cousins visit)
>Eventually became convinced that I was trying to kill him, and had heavy locks installed on his bedroom door to prevent it
>Hit me like a grown ass man when I was younger and mom wasn't home
>Would randomly come downstairs when I was drawing or listening to music and curse me out or mutter nonsensical insults at me while staring me down
>Refused to take me to the hospital when I got injured or sick, mom had to get her weedman to take me to the emergency room more than once.
>Would tell strangers I was retarded or autistic so they'd treat me differently
>When I was pretty young but old enough to understand, he called himself 'sitting me down' to explain that I was autistic and 'not like the other children' (I'm not autistic btw)
>Generally fucking despises me, which is alright because the feeling is mutual
>Loved humiliating me, eventually took my bedroom door of the hinges so everybody could see in my room
>I suspect that he stole my dildo
>Would randomly tell me really weird things like "You're not going to win" or "You don't even know what you're doing."
>Dropped me from the family insurance the moment he could

My brother

>Middle child, but since he was the youngest for so long that's basically his permanent role
>14 years my senior, but has the mentality of a teenager
>Never worked a day in his life, mom would just give him hundreds of dollars for doing nothing to keep him happy.
>Did not sign his own child's birth certificate so the court wouldn't make him pay child support.
>General spoiled brat, parents let him do everything he wants
>Shows narc tendencies, but I don't know if they've learned from mom or if it's an actual personality disorder
>Has little to no respect for women, said his own 2 year old daughter is going to 'grow up to be a little thot'
>Dropped out of middle school, high school and college despite being above average intelligence
>Won't even take out the garbage but called me lazy for daring to get medically discharged from the military
>Open carries and regularly has his loaded, no safety handgun within proximity of my niece
>Was like a normal brother for most of my childhood, but once I hit my teens he would say incredibly cruel things to me, usually backed up my mom.
>Went out of his way to make me feel like a black sheep or unincluded in the family
>Generally cares for nobody but himself
>Loves shitting on me for any of my interest
>Alternates between running the streets and staying with his parents
>His favorite pastime is trying to convince me that my husband is cheating on me
>Mom listens to everything he says word for work, he manipulated her into thinking I was dating a skinhead Nazi and got me put into the psych ward during Christmas over it.
>Has at least 4 girlfriends, and lied to his baby mama about his age (she thought he was 28, but he's really 40)
>Thinks I'm making up my mental health issues for attention
>Generally treats life like a game and cares for nothing but himself


I have an older sister as well (16 years my senior), but she became a lot better to me as I got older. There were moments where I had to leave mom's place because of her husband to stay with my sister, who also had her daughter at the time. She was unusually cruel, borderline sadistic when I was younger (as in, she revealed in punishing me and my cousin). I remember when I was 11, I hurt my finger really bad while jumping on the bed and went to go tell mom about it. Sis asked to see how bad it was, and when I showed her she yanked it really had in the other direction and started laughing. She was kind of a bitch, but once she hit 30 or so and found Jesus her personality softened a lot. Growing up she went back and forth between being my mean older sister I was afraid of and my mom surrogate because my real one was gone. Now she's got a masters and a daughter in the Air Force and two jobs and a nice car so out of all of us she 'did' it. I also have siblings on my dad's side, but I didn't really get to know them until I was an adult. They're all 20+ years older than me and one of them died a few years ago.

I was born dead last in the family, a complete accdident (my mom almost enthusiastically let me know that she nearly aborted me on the day my dad died, natch). My mom and dad were never married, but they did spend 5 years together and had a common-law partnership going on. Mom was separated from her husband at the time and would go out and do her usual dopehead shuffle either when dad was working overnights (leaving me alone) or right after he'd get home from work. Up until he died, Dad had this quarter-sized white scar on his forehead from when mom threw a rotary phone during one of her shitfits because he wouldn't give her money back in the 80s. Mom's husband took her back eventually, so instead of breaking things off with my dad she just left in the middle of the night and stayed gone for like 2 weeks. Came back to collect me when she realized I could be a source of income.

I felt like there was something wrong with me since I was around 8 years old. My big discovery came when I was looking through my grandma's old set of Encyclopedia Britannica from the late 50s and stumbled across something about depression. It was like, the 1950s idea of depression, but reading it still resonated deeply with me. I went to go tell mom about it, who had been shooting the shit with a couple of her friends in the living room, and mom being mom turned it into a spectacle. She ended up humiliating me, claiming that black people don't get depression, and if anybody's depressed it's her because I depress her. Everybody got a laugh out of it but me. I fell into a really bad depression in middle school, when we moved and I changed school districts. I didn't have many friends at first and looked awkward as fuck since I developed way too fast and mom would put me in really unflattering clothes like cotton jogging suits or Adidas tracksuits from the 90s that smelled like smoke. I had to beg her to tears to let me do normal teen things like wear makeup, or shave my armpits, dress myself, or have someone besides her style my hair because she was convinced that there was nobody I needed to 'look cute' for, since I was 'cute enough' to her. I started self-harming at 11 (didn't stop for good until my early twenties) and lasted a few weeks before the school counselor found out, which means mom found out. Mom reacted with hostility and demanded I kept the school 'out of our business'. It was also the first time I'd ever seen my older sister cry. It only dawned on me years and years later that she was crying for me and not because she was mad or embarrassed. Even still, I didn't get a hint of tenderness or understanding for my family. I just got better at hiding it and they pretended it didn't happen. At 15 I started hallucinating, but when I told mom she just said it was because my room was a mess.


Our home went up in flames when I was 9. My mom's husband was at work, mom was sleeping in her bedroom and my niece (who was a toddler at the time) was in mom's room playing. It was a dark Saturday in February and I was trying to draw along with a How to Draw Biblical Figures book I'd just gotten from the Bookmobile. I didn't have any lights to see with so I grabbed a blue Glade candle from the hallway to use. Since I've always had a problem with clutter, there was a lot of discarded paper on my floors. I ended up accidentally knocking the candle over with my elbow and it fell onto the carpet. With all my drawings as kindling a fire started in like, no time. Being a kid, I freaked the fuck out and tried to stop it. I vividly remember the exact order of soft drinks in our kitchen I tried using to snuff out the flames (half of a 2 ltr of Sunkist, a 2 ltr of RC cola and a gallon of distilled baby water), but it grew way too big too fast. My mom didn't know what was up until my niece (who thank god, couldn't get into my room because of the huge Rubbermaid tote blocking my door) started saying "fire, fire" over and over. Mom sprang up and started knocking on every neighbor's door until somebody answered. The guy nearest to us was the first, and he called the fire department for us. Mom went back in to get a cast iron skillet to break the 'in case of fire' glass box thing, but it hadn't been checked in literal years and the extinguisher was expired, so that was a pleasant surprise.


We spent a couple of hours in our neighbor's place while the fire fucked up our house. My mom was in hysterical on the couch, demanding to see me in handcuffs for what I'd done. The neighbors (the wife was a cop) were humoring her, telling her that she had handcuffs if she wanted to make that a reality. My sister and mom's husband eventually came home from their respective jobs. Mom's husband didn't have much to say besides giving me the death eye, but my sister held together reasonably well. At least, she didn't yell at me.
We ended up moving into a slightly less nice place a few hours after, and then to a really nice place a couple of years after that. As punishment, I wasn't allowed to have a room anymore, so I slept in the living room while my older brother (who had moved in shortly after), who was 23 at the time got what would have been my room. This event basically cemented my status as 'the other' in the family, but years after my mom would gaslight me over it. When I had a short stint with a child therapist, I told them that one of the biggest monkies on my back had been that fire and the guilt surrounding it. Cue my mother piping up and saying that she never thought it was a 'big deal', that it was 'on me' for feeling so strongly about it and nobody ever 'blamed me for it', despite those exact things happening.


Mom would often get into fights with her husband and 'run off to her mother's' a few states away. I'd always come with, but instead of handing me off to my dad she'd just leave me at my grandma's house and vanish. To shoot heroin. Since my grandma worked full time I spent most of it all on my own, particularly at night because I've always had sleeping problems. It was during those times that my already strange habits kinda flourished. I was so desperate for friends that I'd go around the house making them up by rummaging through the basement storages looking for my cousin's old stuffed animals, or just making 'my own' by rolling up decorative bathroom towels and putting 'eyes' on them with scotch tape. They looked kinda like bunnies so that's what I called them. Then I'd sit down in the dining room and read encyclopedias or the backs of Garbage Pail Kid cards. I'd end the night by watching late night reruns of Martin and Living Color while waiting for mom to get back, which never happened. Most nights I'd be up until just before or after sunrise, and I always slept with mom's pillow because it smelled like her foundation and perfume (Chanel no. 5 + Fashion Fair pan foundation).


I went to one of the most insane kindergartens ever. I attended for one year while mom wasn't on speaking terms with her husband, in a wildly different neighborhood in a different state. We had to walk through a glass-filled alley every morning while getting barked at by our neighbors unleashed pit bull named Bear. The school itself was ratchet, filthy despite most of the gigantic building being unused. We had to sing this atrocious song every morning, and I swear with God as my witness our teacher called one of the students a 'son of a bitch' once. The ass. principal either had or pretended to have some kind of brain issue that made him violent when it got too loud, so whenever kids would be typical loud kids he'd pick up one of the globes and throw it across the room. There was also another older crone of a teacher who would spank her female students, and the area around the teacher's lounge always smelled like menthol cigarettes. I am not making any of this up. I only attended for one year, but after that, the next time I heard about the school was completely shut down because a kid had fallen off one of the balconies and died. It's been closed down for almost 10 years now.


I was also sexually abused on several occasions. A few times in the beginning of my third grade school year by the teenage (15) older brother of a classmate I was 'dating' when I was in 3rd grade and several times over the course of the summer while my dad was at work from ages 6-8 by damn near every teen boy living on the block (it was in a really disgusting neighborhood, and happened so often that one of the boys who lived next door would openly joke about it. His mom caught him once and treated it like he was just being rude, rather than admitting to molesting a little girl). On top of that, I had some really creepy close calls with older men in my teens and another later on. I tried telling my mom about this when I was about 17, but since she and I had argued earlier that day she was in a shitty mood and all but insinuated that getting molested would be my own fault. I also told mom that I wasn't a virgin when I was 18 (she wanted to know why I going to the clinic on my own). I told her that I was going to get Depo shots because I was regularly sexually active. She didn't speak to me for a week, and when she started talking to me again she acted really upset and called me a slut. For daring to get on birth control.


Sorry for the long bloggy post, this isn't even half of the wacky shit from my childhood, but I feel like I've typed enough already. I managed to get away from the majority of their bullshit by moving out the moment I finished high school. They're still on their bullshit and I'm still sick, but I've got my own family now and a really supportive husband. My mom's husband vanished last year after he abandoned her at the hospital, probably to go die alone like all the other animals. My brother's still surgically attached to mom's teat and mom herself has a new chump/boyfriend to milk cash from. I don't care. I'm just trying to salvage my shit upbringing into a decent adult life.

> Sexually abused at 3.5 years old by my next door neighbour. Police did nothing except question my neighbour and dropped the case after he ran away to another state.
> My mother, brother, sister and I were all physically abused by my alcoholic father.
> Parents had a volatile divorce when I was around 7 and would use me (despite being the youngest) to pass on messages to the other instead of just communicating with one another normally.
> Father constantly made me feel like a burden for existing and would rant for hours about child support and the cost of raising children.
> Mother was more interested in dating men and hanging out with coworkers rather than being a parent. She left my sister and I alone together most nights and responsible for cooking our own dinners and putting ourselves to bed.
> My sister is low functioning aspergers and never properly took on the big sister role forcing me to be the 'mature' one. She also suffered from severe anorexia when I was around 5 (her 11).
> My brother who is around 13 years my senior was always depressed and useless, has grown up to be an alcoholic just like our father, would never look out for either my sister or I as children but instead retreated into video games and the internet.
> My mother's side of the family hardly interacted with us due to bad blood between my mother and maternal grandmother.
> Father's side of the family always apologising for my father's actions and coming to his defence despite being aware of his abusive actions.
> My best friend in primary school was raped by her father at around age 11 and I was summoned to testify as a witness in court. Her father ended up getting away without a conviction.
> I started getting bullied in grade 7/8 and was followed around and called a 'swino slut' (reference to me having a button/pig like nose) didn't actually ever engage in anything sexual at that school. I was also tripped over on the concrete, had condoms and notes with insults on them slipped into my school bag while I was unaware, was sometimes cornered by boys in older grades and held up against a brick wall and mocked.

That's about it for my 'childhood'. Other things happened in my teenage years.

I have anxiety,depression and a thing that could develop into a brain aneurism(getting treated for it though)because my father is a narc who places blame on everyone else but himself and taught me that everyone out there wants to harm me so that i would be "cautious"
I'm out of the worse part of my depression and anxiety but all this situation made me loose so much time and joy out of life without having actual terrible experiences like the ones mentioned here and that makes me pissed

>Come from a big family
>Be overweight all childhood because your parents don't believe in controlling childs eating habits.
>Basically they never controls anything.
>Be bullied all grade and middle school because fat, writes poetry and on top of that everyone perceives you as smart.
>Start to read enormous amounts just to hide from everyone (library refused to give me more books, cause they didn't believe that a 4th grader reads about 2000 pages everyday)
>Tfw you tell teachers about bullying and your parents put blame on you
>Start to fight back
>Kids beat you up at school and your parents don't really care, your classmates parents are calling and checking if you hadn't committed suicide,.

>At the same time my father has really big alcohol problems. Constantly comes drunk from work and breaks things.
>Both parents run after each other knifes in hands.
>Basically older siblings play your parents roles, but they graduate, gets scholarships and leaves home.

>Start high-school.
>Develop ed.
>Parents don't care unless occasional eat something and we can't do anything for you.
>Be depressed.
>Still have good grades so all teachers thinks your family is ideal.
>Parents tell you that you never be as amazing artist as your siblings,but when you actually surpass everyone in school (art changed books), they tell you that they always believed in you.
>Tfw teacher just says that you are amazonian type of strong woman, when in reality it's trust issues.
>Start burning your hands.
>One of your best friends dies from cancer.
>Mother plays I never left your father because of you, my children.
>Everyone at school is complimenting about your weight-loss.
>Father is starting to drink less.

>Currently
>Almost graduating and hoping for scholarship in STEM field.
>Saying fuck it.
>Gained a bit weight (in higher side of normal now).
>Started to try become more positive.
>If I lived thought all this shit, anything else is nothing.

I left out few more things, but they mostly come from my fathers drinking problems.I generally believe that my parents loves me, but I also firmly believe that they are hella dysfunctional. Currently my relationship with them is good, but I understand that they are too emotionally immature to admit their faults.This is why kids shouldn't be having kids.

Another thing is that I believe that I might have mild autism because of bitting my hand due to an emotional overload and spinning in same place for hours (this happened during time my father wasn't drunk all the time) and sometimes there are just days when I crie for hours without a real reason. But in general I might just be tad bit eccentric and dysfunctional not autistic.

Sorry for a long rant and mistakes, but I feel like I needed to get it out of my system.

Damn, this is a super depressing thread. Now I'm remembering some of my own bad experiences I completely blocked out. 2sad4me, so I'm going to hide the thread now, but I love you girls.

>>253210
I agree with this so much! My oldest brother made my younger sister and I give him oral sex when he was a teen and we were about 4 and 5. He denies it to this day. Judging from a lot of others here, it happens a lot. I understand teenage boys are just horny bored and curious, but I am never going to leave my kid with a babysitter let alone a teen one.

I feel so bad for all the anons here. But I feel like I can relate to many of you. I would love to spill out all that I’ve dealt with my whole life, even the shit I’m afraid to admit to even the closest people I’ve learned to trust. Maybe sometime I will share my experiences but for now I’ll keep it to myself. Even though my childhood sucked, I still feel incredibly miserable when others also went through this kinda shit when we were kids, none of us should’ve had to deal with that, especially as kids.

Reading these is making me remember some weird events from my childhood that I haven't thought about in years.
>had a female friend show me weird hentai on a regular basis at the age of 10 to 12 because she enjoyed shocking people
>same friend used to play dolls with me and she'd always make them have sex with each other
>her younger brother used to find it hilarious that you could make the Sims have sex and showed me often
>had a friend 2 years younger than me (9) who used to play "house" with me which involved going into her shed and humping garden tools and I've no idea where she learned about that at 9
>same friend tried to hump me once and it made me so uncomfortable that I didn't speak to her for months
>would get obsessively messaged by older Turkish men as a kid on multiple websites, no idea how they knew I was a child but they were all pedos. Some would add me and instantly video call me to expose their genitals.
>had many friends as a young teenager who were obsessed with teasing older men on omegle or urging guys to send them sick pics and reviewing them with each other


I swear to god, modern technology fucked up so much of our childhood.

My childhood was shit thanks to my siblings. My brother was the worse and was extremely emotionally abusive. He never got physical because in his fits he'd call the cops on US so he knew if there were any marks his made up stories would fall apart. He used to scream that he was going to stab my then pregnant sister and pull out her unborn baby and we'd see him smiling in handcuffs on the news. Shit like that was usually daily with him. We had to constantly be on guard to not anger him which meant not making noise at certain times or not cooking when he's home. The worst memory I have of him is when he picked up my dog by the throat and started punching him in the stomach. I absolutely hate him.
My sister was a major drug addict when she was in her teens. I'd come home as a kid to like crack and shit on the table. She'd often be passed out on the sofa or running from the house with our electronics to sell. My childhood was spent visiting her in jail, consoling my mom as she cried and trying to avoid my batshit insane brother. Hell, Christmas in my house was always the two of them fighting or worse. My sister got shot on Christmas.
I finally snapped a few months before I moved out and told my sister that the shit she exposed me to fucked me up. I felt bad about it but I honestly do think if not for my brother and sister I wouldn't be so mentally fucked.
Also, my mom denies everything that happened and desperately clings to the idea that we'll all be a happy fam someday.

this thread is sad. givin mad love to all u guys rn

me:
>molested by neighbour when i was a toddler. i hardly remember it luckily but still feels really gross
>when i was 11-13 older stepbrother molested me. would come in my room at night, i started sleeping with JEANS AND A BELT but never stopped him. around this age my depression and anxiety really started. eventually told, my mom never wanted him around again but my dad brushed it under the rug really. still am expected to be friendly with him to this day.
>was kind of an outsider in school. ended up moving around a lot. was in special classes, felt isolated.
>mom dies in a freak accident shortly after i turned 17

after that my life kind of fell apart. i had an eating disorder form around the age of 12, to well, now (26 lol) though it's not really prevalent anymore. spent a long time in treatment.

i also dropped out of college twice, and lost a full scholarship, my family relations are strained, and i ended up moving to a foreign country with some guy who ended up being abusive. i kind of have a alcohol/drug addiction but i manage to stifle it and remain functional.

thats where i'm at, lol. childhood trauma sucks.

This thread really makes me wonder how common being molested in childhood really is…It's sickening

My heart goes out to all of u anons

>>253396
>He used to scream that he was going to stab my then pregnant sister and pull out her unborn baby
>My sister was a major drug addict when she was in her teens. I'd come home as a kid to like crack and shit on the table. She'd often be passed out on the sofa or running from the house with our electronics to sell.

I don't blame her.

I've forgotten much about my childhood, I'm guessing it's because of the traumas I went through. I can't remember much even if I wanted to. I don't like to talk about it either that much because I'm afraid of all the memories coming back to me, but they definitely still haunt me as I sometimes get literal flashbacks to traumatizing things after hearing a sound, seeing something similar, hearing a certain word etc.

I wasn't molested like a lot of people in this thread but my parents were in an unloving marriage and fought a ton. It was frequent enough to make me become used to it and I didn't realize how much discomfort it caused me back then until I witnessed their fight after as an adult and felt myself shrinking into being a helpless kid again. My parents really weren't that interested in me, our whole family was more of a commune of people living together than a family. We rarely did anything together and if we did, it would end up in a fight. My mom would sometimes lose her temper to the point she would hit, drag or slap me or pull me by my hair. I was also severely bullied at school and at the same time my mom would tell me that I'm smart, beautiful and intelligent, but then turn around telling me what a worthless, ugly, dumb piece of shit I was for having no friends and absolutely deserved to be bullied. She would become fiercely verbally abusive while my dad just sulked away and never said anything to any of us. My other sibling has been to a lot of therapy as an adult and is still mentally unstable due to our family life. On the other hand my another sibling was the golden child and always treated with respect, often partaking in the abuse.

I'm nearing my 30's now and my relationship with my parents is fine, mostly because I see them only few times a year during the holidays. I don't bring up any of this stuff to them nor have we ever discussed it after I moved out. Neither do I talk about my demons of my childhood to anyone because I feel like I don't "deserve" to be traumatized by any of it as we were well off and my parents didn't abuse alcohol/drugs or molest me. Does anyone else feel "guilt" like this?

The kids in my neighborhood growing up would sometimes gang up on me and mock me. I wonder if some of my adult habits can be linked to those times of being humiliated. One person in particular who was pretty cruel to me happened to be one of the first people I had a sexual encounter with. Makes me wonder if my current incapability to form a healthy relationship has anything to do with this.

>>253408

I'm >>253374 and even thought my parent actually was an alcoholic and I come from lower class background I actually share your feelings. I feel that is mostly due to the fact that my parents actually loves me, but they are to emotionally immature. In result I kinda learned that if the life wasn't going to give me a normal parent then I will be one for myself, thought I still sometimes try to bring up this stuff, but oh well there is only few months left till I move out.

Thankfully, therapy is helping me putting this all behind, but although my parents love me and I love them they did awful things during my childhood.

One time when I was 6 my dad grabbed me by the ponytail and dragged me on the floor until we reached the bathroom, then threw me under the showerhead.

Other incidents like it happened a lot, my dad wasn't doing good at the time and couldn't deal with me not being obedient 100% of the time. He would tell me he didn't love me when I didn't want to do my homework, and although I was doing very good at school - skipped a grade, always the first in my class from primary school to the last year of high school - it was never enough and he never really gave compliments.

The worst time was when he got really mad at my mom, threw a glass on the ground, picked a shard up and dragged it all over his arm, cutting it open with a shit ton of blood spraying. All in front of me (I was 7) and my little brother (he was 4).

I also got bullied by other girls for being too different. It lasted a year and was so hurtful I had to change schools. I didn't get bullied as bad afterwards, but still had a hard time keeping friends, and was regularly being made fun of. Just because I was smarter than the others, younger, and cried far more easily.

The therapist and the psychiatrist I see nowadays both say it's kind of a miracle I "only" ended up with depression and never tried to kill myself or got very violent.

>Molested by neighbor who was an older kid, he used to put things like pencils inside of me and make me watch porn with him
>Family was dysfunctional af
>Dad is cheating scum and a drug addict, mom is an okay person now but is also severely scarred by her own childhood trauma and used to be much worse before treatment
>They often put the blame of things on me, neglected me affection and left me alone despite my fear of being home alone and so on
>Had problems with hypersomnia, dad used to wake me up by beating me until i got up
>Switched schools every year, never made long term connections as a child
>Bullied at some schools because overweight and too quiet
>Often teachers would isolate me from the class or put me outside because i was "too smart" (i learnt to read very early on thanks to my grandmother, so i was a bit ahead) and was making the other kids feel bad
>Any low grades got punished by more beatings
>I often had hallucinations as a kid, whenever they'd scold me for some dumb shit i didn't even do like clogging the toilet i'd see everything going dark and them as huge distorted beings yelling and often would see the world as distorted, too colorful, too bleak, see distorted people and so on, more frequent when i was stressed, would dissociate a lot even when calm
>Had lots of nightmares because of my hallucinations, couldn't sleep with the lights off for a good part of my childhood to my teens and still had horrible nightmares
>Grandmother tries to heal it with religion, doesn't work
>Mental state gets worse thanks to existential bullshit and religious questioning, gets more dissociations and hallucinations
>Became desensitized, hurt my dog more than once, enjoyed it when he bit me back
>Dad's new crackwhore gf starts shit with my mom, parents start to fight more often and get increasingly violent at each other
>They finally break it off when i was 11
>Dad stole almost all our money, mom is more unstable, starts hitting me frequently and blames me for the shit situation we're in
>Grandmother bodyshames me until i develop an ED
>Back to being bullied for being pretty, had a close call from being beaten up, managed to run away and call the police
>Dog dies
>I finally snap and try to commit suicide twice

That's about it for childhood. I'm now majorly fucked up in the head but i'm managing to get through.

Growing up with two narcissistic parents was hell. The psychological and emotional abuse never ends.
My dad used to spank me really hard in the middle of the night because he had dreams where I did something dangerous. I remember once crying for my mom to say something to my dad, but all she did was shush me and tell me I was going to be okay.

All of the family's financial problems were because of me, or they always complained about us being poor when I was around. When my sister was born, suddenly we had money, but only for her. I would throw away field trip forums and never tell my parents about after school events because I had the gut feeling they would tell me we didn't have any money.
My parents made sure that I would never get bullied. We moved to a different city, because they believed if I went to the same middle school my mom went to, I would be bullied. I wasn't bullied so much in my new city, they started bullying me instead. My dad would make sure to tell me he thought my hygiene was terrible and how I needed to stop eating so much. He would come home after a stressful day from work just to tell me how lazy I am and everything I do is stupid.
I was never good enough for my parents. I remember graduating high school, they pushed me to go to college more than congratulating me. When I finally got to college, they pushed me to look for a job because we're too poor, yet I was able to go to classes under student aid. When I got a job, they pushed me to get a second job because I wasn't making enough. My mom also started asking me for money to "borrow". The borrow money ended up going to my sister to pay for her field trips and sports classes or just to donate. Sometimes I would have to give up $20 or so to my sister so she could go out to hang with her friends. At the same time, my parents would not let me hang out with my friends because I needed to do "chores" (it was mostly washing the dishes but that only took 20 minutes at most and when I finished washing dishes it automatically was too late to go out).
I remember looking for second jobs at one point and being a custodian looked like the perfect thing for me, mainly because I'd get good pay and not have to talk to a lot of people, but both my parents yelled at me for even considering the position because I was "too weak" and it was a "man's job".

All of the bullying from my dad and money borrowing from my mom continued up until I moved out at 22.

But I couldn't truly escape this after going out and starting my own life. We recently found out I had a biological father. I don't know him well, but my mom is basically forcing me get closer to him and I know for a fact it's because he has money due to her mentioning he has money nearly half the time we talk about him. It's so confusing and really mood killing. I really want get close to my biological father, but anytime I need some space, she just wants to butt herself in so she can start taking money from him. It's funny, she always complains about how evil her brothers are, my uncles, who basically stole thousands of dollars from my grandpa, but she's trying to do the same thing with me.
I've been praying for my parents to divorce for over a decade, but recently it seems like they're more perfect for each other than before.

>>253451
The hallucinations bit sounds like sensory overload for autism. I looked it up on Youtube and autistic people edited videos to match how they felt when they get it and it was just like that.
There's a "360" one which has the distorted figures/everything too bright or dark and a few where everything is really loud, distracting, bright and scary. Something to look into maybe

>>253596
Was looking it up because while I am not autistic, I get general overload from (figurative) pressure and actually pass out if I get stressed or emotional, it's getting better now though

Man reading all this makes me feel like I'm just a drama queen that goes to therapy now haha.

>>253596
Will give this a look. I don't think i'm autistic, but this is certainly some untreated mental damage. I hate therapists from two bad experiences in my teens so i never really got treatment, but i am diagnosed as neurodivergent (bipolar II) so now that i have my own money and freedom to choose my own doctor i might look into it.

Sending all my love to the anons in this thread. We've seen some fucked up shit. But it's also nice to be able to say what happened to us

>>253131
I have good parents, but they had high expectations of me. classic example of a golden child who burnt out in highschool. Family moved to india when I was 7, and back home when my older brother was diagnosed with leukemia when I was 9, then both of my grandmothers died later that same year. My feelings about everything at the time were never addressed, and I didn't see a therapist until I admitted to my GP at 15 I'd been selfharming on and off for 3 years. My best friend in highschool had a physically abusive single mother and I convinced my family to take her in. I had a short, abusive relationship when I was 16 that severely warped my perceptions of romantic love and sex, then slept around for a couple of months and lost my foster sister when she outed me to my parents in an attempt to curry favour with them (straw that broke the camels back, she was too much like her mother and wasn't interested in using the opportunity of us to improve her life). Now, I'm 18 and I've been depressed to some degree for around six years, gone on and off medication and gone in and out of therapy. My brother survived, but through his treatment I met lots of other kids my age who were either siblings of people who had cancer or had had cancer themselves. A lot of them didn't make it.

I met a really wonderful, patient man six months after ending that abusive relationship, who I'm still with now two years later. We live together, and I just hope that my issues don't make him give up on me.

>parents spend all of their money on a huge af mcmansion in a cheaper state
>have to live paycheck to paycheck because they didn't factor in utility costs for their giant fucking house
>start fighting when I'm 5-6, less than a year after buying the house
>Dad tells us they're divorcing and selling the house, go pack all your shit
>get depressed, box up all my toys, tell friends goodbye
>nothing happens
>sister and I start getting bored and gradually pulling things out of storage
>parents get in another fight, dad flips his shit and rages about how we're moving and we can't unpack anything til we move
>repeat every 2-12 months until I fucking graduate COLLEGE.

By the time I was in middle school we realized the whole moving thing was just a control/fear tactic and learned to deal with it. At that point my dad was spending more time with mistresses than at home. He'd call to say he was on his way, so we'd all rush to clean/hide things. Sometimes he wouldn't even show up, sometimes he'd come back without warning. But when he did show up he'd always make excuses to go into our rooms. If they weren't in staging condition he'd go on a tirade about how we were ruining his house and the only reason it wasn't selling was because our rooms were messy, followed by forcing us into bullshit menial chores.

My dad pulled a lot of other serious bullshit that messed me up but the housing thing was the most pervasive. When my husband started talking seriously about renting a place from his parents I just cried for days. His parents are super sweet but I'm constantly afraid that I'm messing up their house and when they visit I can't help but feel like they have ulterior motives. And even though I've only lived four places in 30 years, I have this weird sense of anxious displacement, like nothing's mine, nothing is secure.

>>253455
Narcissist parents suck so much. It's like they think they can get away with anything because at least they didn't abuse you, but then still expect you to love them.

>>253131
I think I was pretty lucky tbh.
>My mom got post partem psychosis and tried to kill me as a baby
>Father a huge narcissist drug addict
>Have to live with grandma who turns a blind eye to me being sexually abused by neighbour and says it's okay because he's not 'that old' (I was 7 he was 20 and I didn't want it)
>Have to live with narcissistic father after grandpa died, who starts beating me for no reason, chokes me at some point
>Get bullied everywhere I go

Despite all that I think I was very lucky and it is a miracle that I am not a bigger mess than I am. I should be grateful. Things are better now and my father has been nicer since I have reached adulthood.

When I was a kid, my mom, stepdad, siblings and I went to go live in Arizona.

My mom and step dad quickly got hooked on Meth and were horribly abusive. They would hallucinate all sorts of slights on our part and would punish us for things that never happened.

One time my stepdad locked me in the garage for all night during an extremely cold winter because he had hallucinated that I brought him a dirty cup from the dishwasher to drink out of. I had to kneel the entire time and he would come and check on me. My knees were in agony and I was in the dark the entire time.

Another time my stepdad started choking me and beating me in front of one of my friends. I forgot what it was even about, he just sort of came out of nowhere. I ended up begging my friend not to tell his mom what happened because I was taught to be afraid of the police. I was told by my mother to never call the police because they would take me away and send me to go live with a black man who would rape me. Seriously.

Oh yeah, one time my mom threatened me with a knife and had my step dad beat me because I was watching anime on the computer and they thought I was talking to the characters and telling them to call the police to come and take their meth away.

Also, my mom invited a pedophile tweaker to live in our house because he was her source. The pedophile used to tell me stories about how his dad taught him how to masturbate and tried to get me to touch myself. He also groped at me constantly.

I would lock my door at night and I could hear him try to get in. It was very scary. When he couldn't, he'd end up masturbating very loudly outside my door.

there is no day without me thinking about putting myself off.

I try really, like REALLY hard to be like everyone else and behave, feel and think like what is considered nomal, I don't know why i'm so fucked up, the feelings and perceptions I have feel so unpersonal and I always enter in "automatic mode" without realizing.

I'm living currently with my dad but the dude hates me, he always talked with everybody behind my back about leaving me and live happily for once, heck he even threatened with that bs and all I did was cry in front of him while he was yelling at me.

I'm just a nuisance and he pays my college and never demand money or time with him, but I feel like i just keep wasting his money and time, I should live in the streets instead I'm sorry dad, I can't be normal anymore, I don't know how to live in society.

Two years ago my mom cameback and she makes me feel like shit, all the memories hit me again like they are happening again and I have nightmares and start stuttering again for months until I can control it again. I become the same five years old, afraid and stupid in front of her, and I guess that's how I behave in front of my dad, I just stutter and feel stupid and unloved and they are gonna leave me somewhere else.

Weird cause I consider my childhood pretty great. Think this bingo sheet isn’t very accurate

>>253939
the fuck? i'm sorry anon. please tell me you eventually turned them in..

>>253939
Wow anon that's heavy. Please tell you're doing fine

>>253946
Anon I think you need to seek help and I don't mean that in a bad way. You shouldn't feel pressed to act in a certain way nor withstand this abuse alone.

>>253967
It's more of a 'things that might lead to chilhood trauma/bad experiences' actually.

Grew up being beat and put down about everything by my alcoholic father. Was the only girl out of 3 boys, but was the only one who had to do chores, even had to clean my brothers rooms and do their laundry. Whenever I complained about it, I was told I had to because I’m a girl. When I hit puberty things began to get way worse and my father started calling me a whore and beating me over the things I wore. One day I was walking home from middle school and I was wearing skinny jeans for the first time (they weren’t super tight) my dad was driving home from work as he saw me walking up the sidewalk. He then sped by me, parked himself in our driveway, got out of the car and sprint up to me, grabbed me by the hair and dragged me all the way home as I cried because I didn’t know what I did wrong this time. Then when we got home he proceeded to hit me over and over and over, as he called me every name in the book. He dragged me by the hair in front of my schoolmates and after that, they acted awkward around me and then slowly but surely stopped speaking to me.

One of my favorites was being told by my father that I had acne because I fingered and touched my face. I didn’t even learn how to “finger” until I was around the age of 17 and by then my face had cleared up. Being called a whore and being accused of being promiscuous was a constant theme during my teenage years, even though my parents knew I was a virgin and a neet. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was almost a month from turning 21 years old, but that didn’t stop my mother from calling me easy and slapping me when she found out.

Growing up, I always saw my father as the bad guy. I hated him so much, there was multiple times I thought of putting a pillow over his head while he slept. Little did I know, that a lot of the mistreatment I was getting was because my mother was whispering things into his ear. My mother never really hit me growing up and she just kind of always ignored me. One of the first memories I have of her, is me crying because one of my brothers had stuck a cotton swab in my ear and ruptured something. My ear was a bleeding mess and I just kept hearing a long beep. As you can imagine being a 3 year old at the time… I was crying my eyes out. My mom hears the commotion and comes stomping into the bathroom and tells my brother “Leave her alone, you know how she loves to exaggerate” ha. Yeah, I still can’t hear very well from that ear.

This was a constant with my mom growing up. Always choosing my brothers sides when they antagonized me. She would miss my school recitals, award ceremonies, etc, she always had time to go to my brothers events though. She was a stay at home mom, but somehow always had a doctors appointment whenever something of mine came up. She would also leave me waiting at school to be picked up super late, but was somehow never late when it involved my brothers or other children she was giving rides to. She would talk ill of me (and still does) to anyone who would listen, when I was the best behaved out of all her children. As a child, it was just little things like that, that made me realize she didn’t care for me the way she did for my brothers, but it still didn’t really raise a flag because at the time, my father was my biggest bully.

There got to a point where I was so sick and tired of being beat for every little thing… I was tired of being humiliated and treated like I was the only defective one in that home, so I started physicaly trying to defend myself and talking back to my father even though I only made things worse for myself. One thing I always remember in those moments, is how my mom would stare at me with an icey cold stare when I would get into it with my dad. Whenever I would catch her staring at me that way, it would fill me up with this intense anger and I would explode on her. I would call her out on defending my older brother (me and him were the only ones who got beat by my father, my older brother because he was not his biological son) whenever my dad would hit him. She would literally jump in front of my dad and cry and beg for my dad to leave him alone. Me? I got the icey cold stare. When I started calling her out on it, she started telling me that I deserved to get beat because I “ask for it” by having a “attitude”. Yeah, I was asking for it by hiding in my room every single day to avoid them, but my brother who was stealing money from my dad, breaking into homes, stealing cars, etc etc, deserves her full protection. Ha ha.

My mothers true colors came out specifically when I hit puberty. She started stealing my clothes, giving them away, throwing them away, wearing them herself. She would tell my dad that I didn’t want/need anything. All my teenage years until I was able to work and buy myself clothes, I was stuck with the same torn up shit or was forced to wear my brothers hand me downs. I had the same blood stained underwear throughout highschool and bras? I had to go without bras. Whenever I complained, I was told that I have enough clothes and was lying. My brothers on the other hand~ even my older brother who my dad hated, all got new clothes every year, Christmas, and on their birthdays. I got 2 pairs of pants each school year, if I was lucky.

My mother, as I started developing into woman, began getting worse and worse towards me. She started physicaly comparing herself to me, saying how she looks much better than me and how she has an ass and I don’t. She would egg my dad on to side with her, so basically I had both my parents telling me how much more attractive than me my mother is. She would befriend my friends and turn them against me. Would send them to spy on me on all my social media accounts, to tell her what I was posting about. They even managed to find a private Twitter I had for venting (which had literally no one I knew irl) and they would proceed to tell me that I was lying on there for “attention” lmfao… Funny thing is that only weird spam accounts followed me on there and I didn’t interact with anyone, but yep, I was lying for attention. My mother would also go around telling people that I self-harmed for stupid shit and depending on who she is was talking to she would always change the story, but never told anyone the truth. That I was self harming to cope with the shithole I was living in.

There’s way more shit my mom has done, but basically, last year I got access to her Facebook account because her dumbass had 3 different phones lying around the house logged into her messenger and I found out that she was not only talking shit about me to multiple people, but was literally making up lies about me to get people to hate me. My own mother slandering me to numerous people. I went and read ALL her messages, and she had been doing it for years. Mentioning me when I wasn’t even a part of the conversation, just to get whoever she’s talking to to talk trash about me. Seeing all of this coincided with what I was already aware she was doing, but just didn’t have proof. My whole life whenever my mother was involved, people have hated me. Neighbors, friends, family, you name it. Seeing a lot of the things she was saying about me, made me realize she was the reason my father would accuse me of doing things I wasn’t even aware about.

To say the least, my childhood has left me a mess. I have CPTSD and have to smoke weed all day to cope. I’m afraid of people and I can’t make friends with either females or males. I don’t even know how to socialize and make friends online. I have a lot of pent up anger and continuously fall into depression. I didn’t graduate highschool and can’t seem to retain any information… I can’t even learn. The list goes on and on, but that’s the gist.

>>253967
I remember someone comparing MBTI in the personality type thread to horoscopes and how much it fucked with me and tbh this bingo sheet thing kinda reminds me of that. Like a confirmation bias kind of thing.

>>253975
sorry this sounds flippant but as a thought experiment -you and other anons, seeing as your parent fucked you up, what is it that stops you doing something bad to her? I never hear about someone who has grown up and then realised they can give what they got. If you can live well as revenge that's one thing, but if you're too fucked up…(3edgy5me)

>>254010
Wtf are you recommending? Some of these anons said they stood up to their parents and it went even worse. They are adults and free of them now, let sleeping dogs lie

Nobody wants to reawaken some shit from the past. If someone has done a crime you should tell the Cops obviously though. Sounds like you are suggesting "taking things into their own hands" on things which are over and done with.
which is probably the worst advice I've ever seen on the internet

>>253975
I wish I could hug you and be your friend anon, your parents sound awful.

>>253975
Sounds like your mother was secretly jealous of you. Sometimes mothers as they age start seeing their younger daughters as a threat.

>>253343
Jesus Christ

This thread has validated my previously held decision to

1) Never have babysitters
2) Never leave child alone with father or male relatives or anyone who's not like, me, or a teacher in a big public place aka school
3) Don't let kids see or know about adults having sex, even if the kid is too young to know what's going on

I'm so sorry that these assholes made your childhoods shitty anons

My early childhood was pretty pleasant but things got hairy when I was around 11. I had gone to a super small private school up until that point and my well intentioned parents thought it'd be a good idea to send me to a larger school in order for me to socialize easier. Little did they know that their decision would really fuck me up, to say the least.

I went from my small, family-like school where everyone basically got along to my new school in 5th grade. I was fat and had a very obvious lisp at the time, so as you might expect I wasn't too well received. I was not only the new girl, but the weird new girl. The dynamics of my new school were completely different than my first- the kids there cared about fashion and money (even at that young age) and all this obsession about status presented a big learning curve to me. The boys left me alone for the most part but the girls were awful. They'd bully me and exclude me right to my face. Some highlights include:

>having a group of girls come up to me and mock my dress at the school's father-daughter dance, huge group of girls vs me by myself
>being told not to come to the class pool party if I wanted to wear a two-piece (I was self aware enough at this point to not even want to wear something like that, they just told me this in order to make a spectacle of me)
>having some of the girls in my class tell 2 girls in a younger grade to tell their teachers I had been kicking them. While most things that happened to me I can chalk up to typical childhood bullying this incident sticks out as being really fucked up.
>when running the mile in gym class all the girls who weren't running in my group would patronizingly cheer me on. After 2 years of that I found an excuse to miss school that day all the way through high school lmao.

When I got into sixth grade the overt bullying slowed down and I mostly kept to myself and had a few girls I'd hang out with from time to time. I don't know if this is just me being messed up but I'm now convinced they just hung out with me because they felt bad for me or something. It was around this time I got really into anime and just delved into escapism any chance I got. This warrants mentioning because it coincides with the fact that I started developing a crush on a boy a grade ahead of me who shared similar interests. He was also the token outcast of his grade, so I felt like I could relate to him in a weird way.

I wound up switching schools again in 8th grade due to being so miserable at the last one. This year was one of the most sane and happy of my entire life thus far. I met the girl who is my best friend to this day during that time (even though we didn't get close until high school it still rings as a happy memory to me.) I was still a fat weird girl but at school 3 I actually had people who liked me for who I was. At the time it felt absolutely wild and amazing. If I remember correctly it was towards the end of this year I friended the boy who I had a crush on in my last school on facebook and a friendship began to bud. Things were good!

But then high school happened. A lot of kids who went to my second school came to the same high school I did and it felt like being back at that school all over again. The bullying started again full force. One of the kids from school 2 was on my bus at the time and made nearly every trip to and from school a living hell for me. I didn't know how to stand up for myself and he had nearly the whole bus ganging up on me. Plus I had a girl from that school who shared gym with me who bullied me and at one point even had the teacher in on it. I cried almost every day after school and started cutting (thankfully that didn't last long as I was ashamed of people seeing marks.) I didn't really have any close friends at the time other than the boy who I had friended on facebook and we became really close and started dating (like in person not just online.) He became really involved in strange pornography and abused me. He physically abused me on multiple occasions and took my virginity via raping me. Because he was one of the few people I could consider a friend I was extremely complacent and just told myself it was all normal. This all occurred when I was around 15-16.

I finally cracked and told the only other close friend I had at the time about some of the stuff that had gone down in my relationship and got the courage to break up with him. After that school still sucked and I became really depressed and went through periods of drug and alcohol abuse and that's something I still grapple with. Those years fucked my self image up so badly and I've only come to terms with that in the past few months. I've been trying to take things in a positive direction with varied levels of success. Honestly now it just feels good to have a life where I don't need to live wondering when the next time I'm going to get bullied is. I've told my parents about everything that happened and they told me that when they went to visit that school I went to in 5th grade the vice principal warned them it was a class known for bullying issues. I know their intent was good but I still have some resentment in my heart knowing they sent me there even after hearing that.

And while my being adopted wasn't inherently traumatic I wanted to mark it on the pic because literally every person I've met who is adopted has been fucked up in some way or another, and I don't say that to sound mean or something. Granted it's all anecdotal but I think being adopted contributes to people having things a little rough.

I love you all.

>>253975
I'm so sorry anon.. Hope you find a way to become happy and find friends.

i squiggled on ones that are fuzzy for me/not sure about

i grew up poor but i wouldn't say impoverished. ma had a certain way of working herself to the bone to provide, but it had the down side of her being extremely cranky (for lack of a better word) all the time. that + mental illness (BPD) and drug abuse = not a good time.

We were lower-middle enough for kid me to sense it, and i felt extremely anxious and spoiled whenever anyone did splurge on toys or treats for me.
It was worst in high school because I couldn't afford nice clothes and kids were nasty about it.

I am still extremely grateful for her sacrifices, despite me having to recover from her. She probably had to recover from me too. I'm so glad to be away and free, I'm so glad i survived. I really cherish my life.

As for the sexual abuse, a great chunk of my memory has been dissociated away. people tell me significant events directly related to me that i don't remember at all. Sometimes my shitty dad jokes about the time i beat up my mother when she tried to attack me. I don't remember it at all, and it's certainly something I wouldn't be proud of- I can only go off what he's told me. I do get a lot of nightmares, and I get triggered by certain sexual stuff, if it happened it's kind of cool that i don't have to actually remember it tho. Not to make light of the situation. I'd only bring it up on imageboards cause I think "lying" about rape is just bad.

ma and i are actually on speaking terms tho. I just think its best for me, personally, to forgive. Its the self soothing method that works best for me tbh.

feelsbadman
Still turned out pretty normal

it was not a very good idea to read this while i am trying to fall asleep. sending love, compassion and support to everyone in this thread, as meaningless as that may be over the internet in the form of text from a stranger.
i don't think it would be a good idea for me to get into the details of my own childhood any time soon in a public format, but i am wishing you all the best and i truly believe we are going to make it.

To fellow childhood trauma anons, how are you with regards to talking to others about what happened to you? Even though the abuse I faced occurred many years ago, I find it nearly impossible to open up about what happened to me. I've never told anyone in person besides my family and therapists, but I was able to tell a very watered down version of what happened to me to a close online friend.

I can't really even bring myself to write about it here. I guess I'm still ashamed despite knowing none of it was my fault.

Do you guys tell people about what happened to you, and if so how easily do you open up about it?

>>258804
>How are you with regards to talking to others about what happened to you?

I speak of it in a matter of fact tone. I can't do anything to change what's happened. It wasn't my fault, and it's not my burden to bear shame for the sins of my father and mother.
It's a different world and I think people are a lot more aware of different forms of child abuse today than say 20 years ago, and are open-minded for that reason.

It also helps that my parents were narcissists so it's kind of liberating to leak the deets that paint them as less than perfect people because they would consider me retelling the bad they did as complete character assassination. They're the types of parents who say they weren't "perfect," but would be completely enraged or ashamed if I went into specifics that show how they were more than just imperfect…

My childhood was below average on a good day, wish I could forget every aspect on a bad day.
Everyone in my family is mentally ill or has anger issues that they just can't deal with. For some reason they decided to direct it on me since I was awkward and did weird things. Mainly because I was seen as a burden for having asthma and other issues from being born early/constantly being around people who loved to smoke cigs around kids. I constantly tried to be on my best behavior and had good grades in school - but I was still always treated as if I did something to somebody. I think my dad knew this, which is why he would constantly come visit me and make sure I was ok. The day he died was the worst day of my life, I literally didn't know how to function when he passed and felt like I lost my best friend. For some reason, I thought that my mom would be nicer to me because now she's OFFICIALLY a single mother. I was so wrong, man.
She literally got 10x worse. She would yell at me for small things that weren't worth yelling over. She would beat me for not understanding math fast enough or for misunderstanding my homework. She was a janitor at the school district I went to, so I couldn't do anything without her noticing or someone bringing it up to her. And I don't mean with misbehaving, I would come to school and be a statue to where teachers would tell her. It got to a point where one day before school, I finally broke down and couldn't stop crying for 10 minutes because I couldn't understand why everyone was so mean to me and no one cared about me like my dad did. She told me on that day, that she had to be mean to me since my dad died, and that if she didn't care she would be nicer because it's easier.I realized then, my mom will never be what I think a mom should be. And I knew that was a fact when my mom asked me if my dad had left anything physical for me in a will. Or if he left me that expensive looking watch he wore every time I saw him.
We grew up poor, even with my dad's help, so I couldn't blame her for that when I was younger. Especially since she had it drilled in my head that I was a mistake and the reason she couldn't go out and live her life without stress.
I had older sisters, at least a 10 year gap between me and the second oldest. That sister ended up having 3 kids who I still took care of. Even in my childhood, I had to watch the kids of my family.
I wasn't even allowed to go hang out with the one or two friends I had because my family would get upset they didn't have a free babysitter.
Honestly, there's a lot more.But I get too mad/upset when I remember or try to properly describe what happened.

>>258605
Love you too, anon. We survived.

>>253257
Good grid anon, thank you.

I didn’t have a good childhood and it’s set me back a lot. I’m 25 and I still cry over it and get the anger and resentment.
I don’t understand why some people have kids.

some highlights
>father was an undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, drug addict, and alcoholic
>watch my father get arrested at 8 y/o for altering prescriptions
>siblings and i being forced to pack a bag and run away to friends houses for a few days or lock ourselves in our moms room overnight was a regular occurrence
>dad died from overdosing when i was 11
>mom was a jehovahs witness so fill in the blanks for how much my life sucked
>hospitalized for a total of 2.5 years from ages 13-17 for mental health, never taught how to function as an adult

I had an absolutely charmed childhood. Born into Old Money, loving parents, nice house, the works. I was an only child, but both our neighbours had boys around the same age, and we got along fine. We got into trouble together, all the time. There was a gorgeous big oak tree with branches that straddled so much ground at the back of our yard, and my dad built us a treehouse. I'm pretty sure there are people living in smaller houses than our treehouse. It was awesome.

Age 6, I was sent off to boarding school. Both my friends got a place at the same school, and though it was a big change, we had each other. My father took a posting halfway around the world, and we talked maybe once a month, but I settled in fine. I made a lot of friends, I excelled at sports, especially at rugby.

One morning, I woke up with a blasting headache, and in a pool of my own blood. 8 of us shared a dorm, so I'm pretty sure seven other boys were more than a little displeased to be woken up by my frantic screams. I was whisked off to the school nurse. I had a massive nosebleed, I was dizzy, weak, and when the nurse took off my pyjamas to check my lungs, she saw three massive bruises I couldn't account for. She immediately rang my parents, suspecting I had been beaten up. My mother, a retired surgeon working for a pharmaceutical company, had a bad feeling, and eventually convinced the school nurse to drive me to the local doctor the next day (this was on a Sunday and the doctor was only available over the week). As she hung up the phone and turned around, she found me slumped in the chair, unconscious, and with a slow, shiny river of blood trickling from my nose.

9 days later, I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia. My parents flew home to be with me. A frantic search for a bone marrow donor ensued but none could be found. It took numerous transfusions to even stabilise me to the point that I would be halfway awake.

I never returned to school that term. From the hospital, I was airlifted to a larger facility with a specialist paediatric oncology ward. My parents bought an apartment near the hospital to be able to stay nearby. I spent almost a whole year in hospital, getting worse and worse, losing almost half my body weight, then eventually rallying. An experimental drug that my mother's med school mentor was running the paediatric clinical trials for stabilised me enough to be able to leave the hospital for my 11th birthday. My parents threw me a garden party, but nobody was allowed to come – my immune system was nuked, and the smallest infection could kill me. I sat in a wheelchair, too weak to walk, with an oxygen cannula and a pole of more IV pumps and syringe drivers than I could count, staring at the old oak tree with the treehouse. I had to grow up pretty damn fast. My parents got me my favourite cake – raspberry and vanilla cheesecake –, but I couldn't think of food, the nausea was just too bad. It broke my heart to see my mother so disappointed. I pushed the PCA button and it helped me forget a little.

I never returned to school. I was homeschooled due to the infection risk. Aged 12, I discovered my love for maths. 13, I suffered a relapse, and doctors told my parents I probably wouldn't get through this alive. I did. A week after discharge, a rare adverse reaction caused a massive intestinal inflammation. The next weeks are a blur, but I woke up about three feet of intestines shorter and with an ileostomy bag.

The years came and went. In the beginning, my friends called and occasionally checked in on me. Then the calls became increasingly rare, until they stopped altogether. They had friends, lives, some even girlfriends. And their parents wanted to keep them safe from what everybody was pretty sure would inevitably happen.

Most of my life was spent in and out of hospital – mainly in. Maths and computers became my distraction from the pain and the constant nausea and the burning of the doxorubicin as it coursed through my body. When I turned 16, I had my oncologist promise me she'll support me if I decided to apply to a university, even if my parents were against the idea.

Around my 17th birthday, I started to feel stronger. Not a lot, but stronger. I started taking things more seriously, I did my physio and spent less time sitting around. I became able to manage without the oxygen most days. I would still spend all night hooked up to TPN (intravenous nutrition), because my intestines no longer worked. And I was sick a lot. But for the first time in my life, things were looking up. My hair started to grow in again. I gained some weight so I no longer looked like a bad rendition of Voldemort. I could climb a flight of stairs without dying!

I sat at the back of the lecture theatre when I met her. Her name was Penelope, and I was smitten. Everybody told me not to do it, that it'll be pain for all of us, that I should think of her future, too. So I did, and I stopped going to lectures. She tracked me down, and put me on the spot.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?", she asked, with a grin.

"I'm dying, Penn. I'm on a break from it, but I'm dying."

"We're all dying. Some of us just know more about it."

"What are you saying, Penn? You're making absolutely no sense at all."

"What I'm saying is that I don't need you to protect me. What I need is for you to respect me, and my choices."

We were engaged a year later. Her parents had their misgivings, and so did mine. I'm a ticking timebomb. It's no place for someone like her. She's beautiful, she's funny, she's witty, she's caring but doesn't indulge weakness, she's loving and she's strong. She's stronger than anyone I know.

We celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary a month or so ago. Every year has been a gift. I relapsed in our second year of marriage and had to undergo another six months of chemotherapy. I'm now on palliative care, although for now I am stable. We're trying to make the most of what we have – the days we have, and the days we had.

Somewhere, beyond the horizon, an army is amassing its forces, getting ready to strike. I've been beating it for years, but we all know that this song cannot go on forever. So we're trying to make our little eternity stretch as far as we humanly can.

As I hold her hand, I think of all that she's brought into my life, and I think back of that one morning when I managed to get my parents out of the house and spiked my homecare nurse's coffee with lorazepam. I was fourteen, I had no friends, I had no girlfriend, nobody even picked up my calls, and the girl I was madly in love with at the time politely told me that she was not going to get involved with someone who's just going to die on her. I have been preparing for that day for months, amassing the drugs I'd need. I twisted the first of two syringes into the small white Bionector at the end of the thin tube that led straight to a needle connecting it to a major blood vessel near my heart. All that was left for me to do is to depress the plunger quickly, change syringes, and let the potassium chloride do its job.

I didn't. I still don't know why.

I shook my nurse awake, told her what I was going to do, and she called my parents back. I spent the next few weeks under close surveillance, but I haven't tried to kill myself ever since. I don't know who or what overpowered me in that one moment. But I know it's all led me to where I am, right now. And I have never been this happy.

I hope you all, too, can find the same kind of happiness someday. Whether I die tomorrow or in a year or in ten, I have lived. I have seen sunrises and I have kissed my wife and I have said 'I do' and I have sat on a picnic blanket on a hillside, hand in hand with my wife, watching the fireworks. We've seen auroras from 30,000ft and swam with sharks, we held each other after long days and we have created memoriess, and most importantly, we have loved. We have loved so much. Each other, others, our friends, our family. There's so much love and joy in our lives.

So if your childhood sucks, please don't give up. Don't think it cannot get better. There's no explanation for why I'm still here when I should have died at least a decade ago. But here I still am.

Here I still am.

>>260291
Sorry but this reads like bad fan fiction. The main suspect parts
>My parents threw me a garden party, but nobody was allowed to come
>Everybody told me not to do it, that it'll be pain for all of us, that I should think of her future, too.
>Somewhere, beyond the horizon, an army is amassing its forces, getting ready to strike. I've been beating it for years, but we all know that this song cannot go on forever.
>So we're trying to make our little eternity stretch as far as we humanly can.
>spiked my homecare nurse's coffee with lorazepam.
>I hope you all, too, can find the same kind of happiness someday. Whether I die tomorrow or in a year or in ten, I have lived.
>There's no explanation for why I'm still here when I should have died at least a decade ago. But here I still am.
>Here I still am.

>>260296
My favorite part is this YA novel-tier dialogue
>"What the fuck is wrong with you?", she asked, with a grin.
>"I'm dying, Penn. I'm on a break from it, but I'm dying."
>"We're all dying. Some of us just know more about it."
>"What are you saying, Penn? You're making absolutely no sense at all."
>"What I'm saying is that I don't need you to protect me. What I need is for you to respect me, and my choices."

>My brother physically abused me from the ages of 6 to 23.
>Often during the abuse would tell me how I'm worthless and how it'd be better if I was dead. Often told family would be better off without me and how I just ruin everything. I'm a joke and burden, stupid, fat, gross, a wuss.
>finally break down and tell school counselor one day in fifth grade because I can't sleep at night and when I do, he'll wake me up by jumping on my bed and beating me.
>After many visits with counsler they get CPS involved.
>CPS person comes and interviews all of us. My grandmother dragged me off to another part of the house and berates me, saying how I'm awful and breaking the family apart. Scares me badly enough to say I was exaggerating things. Ordered to go to family therapy, that does nothing obv.

>13yrs old brother holds a massive butcher knife to my wrist after a night of beatings. Offers to slit my wrists. Presses down on knife. My dumb ass panics and grabs the knife. Slice up hand, run to mom. Brother gets no serious consequences.

There's probably a lot more but my memory has a ton of gaps in it. I have PTSD from the abuse and an anxiety disorder that is so bad I can't work. My family acts like it never happened and because of my gap filled memory I doubt myself constantly that abuse ever occurred even though I have plenty of scars from it.

i hope you're all okay. <3

> I had a dad who was an alcoholic who beat my two older brothers (never me, but I always had to witness it)
> All of my siblings get taken away to foster care when I was about 9 or 8 years (it's hard for me to really remember an age)
> get tossed around foster care for a bit before being separated from my younger brother (still with my two older)
> The final foster home I was in there was a boy (about 16) who said if I did things for him that he would give me a prize
> makes me start touching his butt and massage his privates
> Kid me does it cause I'm like literally 10 and stupid that I really wanted the prize
> Kid eventually tries to get me to suck him off in which case I panic and leave the room (luckily he didn't do anything after that)
> Not ever understanding what he did was grooming until I reached my teens and I started getting panic attacks thinking about it
> I never tell anyone about what happened as I truly believe I will get told it was my fault
> Eventually able to go back home with my brothers around 12
> anxiety proceeds to get worse
> I was living in a small town so my mom was never home because she worked far out in town (my dad is always ill so he never was able to cook for us or anything)
> finally move and parents constantly start fighting (threatening divorce constantly)
> Ends up getting hit in the head by mother
> Anxiety proceeds to get worse (all well being denied medication cause my mom thought I was overdramatic)
>Doesn't know what to do because when I tried therapy (when I was living with my parents still) my mom lowkey threatened me to pretend the foster care thing never happened..
>Now living with extremely unhealthy anxiety

idk I really needed to get this off my chest. I hope everyone here has a lovely day