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File: 1523873420566.png (425.55 KB, 761x713, 1506299585077.png)

No. 243099

ITT we discuss the ways of which our idea of what's "normal" and healthy in relationships have been warped due to our personal experiences.

>attract people with Borderline a lot for some reason

>this has lead me to think "splitting" (a Borderline person's tendency to go back and forth between being obsessed with you and hating you without provocation) is totally normal behavior to be expected in a friendship
>recently found out it isn't and is a defining trait in Borderline
>have absolutely no idea what a healthy friendship looks like because almost all my closest friends throughout my life have been like this

No. 243103

sorry, but what anime character is that in your pic? I just really wanna know

No. 243105

I actually have no idea, I just really liked it as a reaction image. I'm curious too.

No. 243106

I've only ever had codependent relationships to the point of it being unhealthy now I dont know if I can have normal relationships anymore

No. 243111

it’s I Cannot Stop Sparkling from My Hero Academia

No. 243143

Jesus anon are you me? I'm a magnet for BPD crazies because I used to put up with their shit in the past and I almost forgot how healthy friendships work. It took me a long while to realize that spontaneous ghosting and the "splitting" isn't a thing most people do.

No. 243163

File: 1523897050339.gif (1.97 MB, 500x375, deletthis.gif)

>tfw typed a detailed wall of text but deleted it because I don't want farmers accusing me of obsessing about it like they did in a different info thread

Jeez girls, I just wanna have a fleeting vent about my past, kay? I swear I don't mill over this everyday and I'm a much wiser adult…

>childhood bestie was a serial ghoster who justified her dismissive behavior by claiming "introversion"
And so for the majority of high school, I thought it was normal for friends to ignore me until they needed something or to talk. I was constantly nervous about coming off as annoying or obnoxious, and most people thought I myself was quiet until they got to know me. I was constantly taken advantage of because I thought dismissive behavior towards me until that person needed me was normal, and it felt good to be 'useful' because the bestie had made me feel so good for nothing.

What sucks is I still have problems reaching out to friends because the fear of bothering them or becoming too much is always in the back of my brain.

No. 243186

File: 1523900495726.png (517.34 KB, 819x714, 1I0rSPMGJBPX9dlcLUsO_ImxAyFA4q…)

Not to shit this thread up with men, but I'm used to having to give sexually in a relationship with men regardless of the fact I'm not attracted to men because I was sexually abused by a person that is still in my life and leers at me regularly, my only friend in high school was a guy I had to date to keep the friendship because it was a small private high school and I looked too goth for everybody else (even though I was goth at all, kek), and then when I thought I had made a good friend later in life, he raped me in various different ways but I'm an idiot socially so I continued being friends with him and now I'm his gf. I'm a pathetic pile of shit.

No. 243188

also, pls no bully, I take responsibility for all my shit life choices

No. 243201

You're not a pile of shit at all, anon. You're a girl who hasn't found the ability to adequately stand up for herself and keeps being taken advantage of by horrible men.

For the love of god, grow a spine for your own sake, though. Maybe see a therapist and get help to break this dark cycle?

No. 243204

Anon, are you ok? Can you reach out to anyone irl to talk about that? I have no idea how shitty that must feel, but you have the right to be in a healthy relationship with someone that didn't abuse you or just be alone for a while to heal.
I hope you find the strenght in yourself to break up with him. You deserve better.

No. 243226

I thought it was normal to date and fuck people I didn't want to date or fuck because it didn't occur to me that I could say no. I thought it would be rude (or mean, or wrong) of me to reject them. I also always had to grow distant or cheat on boyfriends so they would break up with me because I didn't think I was allowed to break up myself.

I have not a single clue why. I only learned that I was allowed to stand up for myself last year, at 22 years old. What the fuck.

No. 243236

Anon, you have to get out of that relationship. You don't owe anyone sex or even your time, please talk to someone if you can.

No. 243242

Girl where have you been. have you never watched Saved by the Bell? Lisa rejected Screech on the daily

No. 243256

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I relate to this so much, save me.

No. 243296

Gaslighting is the biggest one for me, mostly because I didnt know what it is and amoung friendships and relationships it would fuck me up, i would think im crazy if i got upset over being insulted and ignored

No. 243306

Society teaches girls to be "polite" to guys that way to avoid hurting their feelings, that way they have all the power and they trap you so you don't find someone who treats you like a human instead of a sex pet.

No. 243395

Same. I don’t even understand how people have close relationships without the codependent weirdness.

No. 243396

this ;_;

No. 243426

wtf is wrong with y'all

No. 243438

Why don't you stop being a judging bitch acting like a robot and create some empathy?

No. 243445

My normalmeter for how people think is broken. I guess I'm depressed or something, and I've been this way for so long that I get confused when I have conversations with others in which I can figure their train of thought. My low self-esteem just warps my thinking, I always assume I'm being insulted and that others don't want to speak to me.

Pretty minor compared to others in this thread, though.

No. 243450

That's how deeply the female socialization and conditioning to be always nice and keep everyone happy at all times can go. The thought process is something along the lines of "Sure I don't want to be with this guy, but he wants me to. If I say no I'm going to be directly responsible for his sadness/anger/frustration", and making someone unhappy for a "selfish" reason (the fact that I don't want to) is unthinkable. It feels like a duty you can't possibly walk away from.

Most women have felt this way, though I don't think many have taken it quite this far.

No. 243611

How do I stop feeling this way

No. 243858

By reminding yourself that your are not obligated to date or fuck anyone you don't want to and that anyone who makes you feel like you do is a piece of shit. Drill that into your head as much as necessary. Your self-worth and bodily autonomy are a fuck of a lot more important than sparing some guy from hurt feelings because a girl rejected him.

No. 243862

The only way to exist comfortably in the world is to not give a fuck when people call you selfish. The shit people consider each other selfish for can get so batshit and entitled it blows my mind. So, it's selfish not to be with someone you don't want… but it's not selfish to make someone feel obligated to have sex with you?

The word "selfish" is just thrown around to shame people for not caving into what you want.

No. 243865

I have a hard time taking people seriously when they invite me places or make plans because my "friend group" in school would always plan things without me, often with me present. We meet up occasionally now that school is over and we're all finished college, but I still struggle with genuinely believing that people want to spend time with me.

When I got to college I'd constantly cancel on social events because my anxiety played up so much. Why were people asking me places? Were they trying to make fun of me? Did they feel sorry for me? Of course that set another cycle in motion of people giving up on asking me. Once all my housemates were going to a mutual friend's house party. They all got ready around me and never once asked if I wanted to come along. I sat crying in the empty house for an hour before I was able to distract myself. It felt awful, but it also felt normal. It's weird to describe.

I've been friends with a girl for about six years and it's only very recently that I've been able to loosen up and relax around her because I'm believing that she actually likes my company. It's fucked, man. I've even had people from work ask if I want to go for lunch or out for drinks with a group of them and I'm never sure if they're serious or if they feel obliged to invite me.

No. 243886

I have BPD, anxiety and OCD and my family is fucking mental so I have spent a lot of time in therapy trying to be able to have "normal" relationships.

It does get easier the more you practice and therapy helped me to learn how to communicate better etc.
I would be a horrible gas-lighting, temperamental, needy cunt if it were not for doing therapy and trying to consciously not let my emotions get the better of me.

Therapy and working helped me learn the skills for forming normal relationships the most I think, would reccomend.

And also if you attract people with BPD it's likely cause they feel like they can identify with you so maybe have a wee think about that lol (literally keep meeting people with BPD now, we do seem to flock to other fucked up people).

No. 243903

>And also if you attract people with BPD it's likely cause they feel like they can identify with you so maybe have a wee think about that lol (literally keep meeting people with BPD now, we do seem to flock to other fucked up people).
People with BPD are also attracted to those with a tendency to want to help their troubled friends, since they'll put up with more bullshit and make excuses for their friend's shitty behavior.

No. 243907

Yeah but there is such a thing as wanting to help too much at the expense of your own mental health (which is a common issue of those with BPD as well).

No. 243909

>And also if you attract people with BPD it's likely cause they feel like they can identify with you so maybe have a wee think about that lol

Wtf is that supposed to mean? Because from here it seems awfully manipulative, guilt tripping, and deliberately vague. Are you saying people who get entangled with manipulative BPD types are somehow to blame or on par with that behavior or am I misunderstanding?

No. 243910

i think they were pretty clear with the intent. they're attracted to like behaviour.

No. 243911

I was vague cause I didn't want to write a whole load of crap about BPD and relationships, but OP's stated that she had issues with people who have BPD being attracted to her, to the point where OP struggles to know how to form "normal" friendships.

Like if you want to make friends who don't have BPD and are having this much of an issue with it, I think you have to look at yourself and try and figure out why you keep ending up in friendships with people who probably aren't great for your wellbeing.

I'm not blaming anyone but OP doesn't have control over these BPD friends of hers, she can't read their minds and figure out why she keeps making friendships with them, she can only look inward at herself and try and change the situation from there really.

No. 243912

Got it. Thanks for clearing that up even though I was a bit brash

No. 248518

File: 1525848649475.png (319.09 KB, 960x960, barf.png)

met a FTM friend in high school. He was nice at first but later told me about his witchcraft hobby. I'm open to most religious practices. But he went overboard. He would cut his hand and use his blood for spells, cut people's locks of hair for curses or poppet dolls. Build shrines and try to call to the spirits. Would masturbate as a form of worship to a deity and chant things. I know all this because for a while we followed each other on tumblr. Somehow his posts would get thousands of notes too, so I'm guessing its a big community. It's beyond my comfort zone honestly. I feel like you should be able to live life without constantly relying on your religion as your only personality trait. Especially with practices like those.

No. 248519

>cut people's locks of hair for curses or poppet dolls
Hahaha what. That’s definitely not okay or normal. Probably watched too much AHS:Coven

No. 248575

>The word "selfish" is just thrown around to shame people for not caving into what you want.

I think it would be healthy to learn what the true selfishness is and what is just a word people are throwing around to get what they want.
For example - my mother, she wasn't a bad person but she was rather selfish. She'd eat all my food, she'd wake me up by pointing a flashlight into my eyes so she could ask me what she's going to eat that day, when I was going through a breakup I told her I don't feel like living and she asked me if that means I won't be going out to buy her food lmao. I mean can you imagine receiving a cake for both of you and you eat the entire thing, leaving nothing for your small child?
Now, what isn't selfishness - not wanting to go out with someone, not wanting to do certain sex acts, wanting to do something for yourself, etc.

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