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No. 201290

My boyfriend (who I intend on marrying) despies the idea of people of the opposite gender hanging out, he doesn't believe that a guy and a girl can be friends with eachother without having an alterior motive. For me I am a very personal kind of gal, I love spending 101 time with my friends as there is freedom on the topics we talk about. I don't know many girls that are interested in the hobbies I like and because of this majority of my friends has been male. It took my bf awhile to get use to the "only girl in a group of guys thing", but he still is against me hanging out with my friends 1 on 1 even though I've been doing this long before we dated and my friends and I have 0 interest in each other. I believe it stems from some insecurities but I can't talk to him about it becuz he takes it as a personal attack and we always end up arguing for hours upon hours. Another thing that made his him dislike boy+girl friendships was the girls he use to know that loved throwing themselves in sausage parties for attention or to hook up with all the guys. I tried explaining platonic relationships to him as well but he doesn't believe in it and thinks it's bullshit. Though I don't blame him for that because he's never experience it before.

What do you anons think? Are men and women just not meant to be allies?;

No. 201291

Also, I'd like to add even if a guy and a girl were friends the retards round cant help but to say OMG FRIENDZONEEE

No. 201292

Why ask such a generalised question? This isn't a question about what an entire gender can or can't do it's about whether or not individuals can be adults and mature or if they're gonna be shitty, abusive, or childish.

No. 201293

Your bf sounds like a tool

No. 201294

I think your bf should get more friends that are girls to hang out with, that way he will learn how platonic relationships can be and you wont have to worry anymore.

No. 201296

No, I don't think it's possible for men and women to be friends because men are so desperate and horny, they don't see women as human. I've never met a straight man who didn't want to get in my pants and made that really clear.

At the same time, if he holds you back from making friends then he's a posessive asshole. If you want to hang out with someone who only hangs around you because they're hoping you'll fuck them, that's your choice to make not his.

No. 201318

>>201296
>I don't think it's possible for men and women to be friends because men are so desperate and horny
If that would be the case then men wouldn't need male friends either.

No. 201323

>>201318
Most men are straight though

No. 201325

>>201323
I don't see what that has to do with this topic.

No. 201327

>>201318
>>201296 never said that men didn't want friends, difference is that men do see other men as human and find friendship with them a fulfilling experience, unlike the "friendship" they have with women.

No. 201336

I've never had a male friend who wasn't gay or in a very committed relationship. Any single straight guys I've known have always made me really uncomfortable (and even the ones in relationships can be creepy too). That's just my experience though and I'm a shy NEET without a lot of friends. I have a thought that when I'm older (mid 30s+) it'll probably be easier to have straight male friends because I won't be conventionally attractive, although I've heard it's hard to make friends at that age anyway. My gay male friend is amazing though and that leads me to believe that men don't have something inherently wrong with them, it's just the way they are socialised. Sage for aspergers and speculation.

No. 201340

I used to think it was possible but recently I have tried to distance myself from past male friends and interact at the bare minimum out of politeness/necessity. It makes me uncomfortable being in a serious relationship (compared to my past casual ones I didn't feel uneasy about it) and hanging around with guys extensively.

No. 201347

>>201340
Are YOU making that decision or is your s/o?

No. 201366

I have some girl friends and never made a move on them, so I think it's possible for men and women to be friends. We are not very close friends, though, but that's more due to it being hard for me to "connect" with someone (I don't have any close male friends since childhood either, we hang out and joke but I fear that when college ends we'll all be separated and I'll lose my chances of friendship for good).

No. 201368

>>201327
Yes, exactly. Thank you.

>>201318
The difference is that because straight men aren't attracted to other men, they allow themselves to form a proper relationship with them. Their relationship isn't built on the hope that one day they're going to get in the other's pants. They don't think things like "but I wonder what it would be like to fuck Steve…hmmm…" that they would think around a female "friend".

When someone is attracted to another person, they do everything in their power to seem friendly and interesting instead of just being open and honest. It creates a really superficial relationship, it's not true friendship. You can't be friends with someone who is constanty creating a persona with the sole purpose of fucking you.

>>201325
it has everything to do with the topic

No. 201380

>>201290
Don't marry this child please it will be a fucking disaster.
The moment he's dictating who you can spend time with that's game over

No. 201383

So i met a male person today, he was traveling throughout the continent and i helped him with some supplies for his vehicle. I would help a female in the same regard, but i haven't met a female who would be interested in exploring the world in similar manner. I guess what I'm trying to say is that females and males are not the same. Females and males are not the same. Females and males are not the same. Sorry.

No. 201385

i'm probably perceived as a thot for this but i'm the only girl in one of my friend groups and it's honestly fine. almost all of us are in relationships and the ones who aren't legitimately aren't intersted in me. There's been some weird flirting and sexual tension before but because we're not juvenile or incels its nothing that actually ruins the friendships. I know it's fucking obnoxious to say you're "one of the guys" but there are certain personalities where you really do tend to get along better with men as friends and I have one of them. My demeanor, style of humor, and way of relating to people, are more common in men than women irl so it just happens this way sometimes. I am capable of having female friendships and I don't think they're all bitchy though lol.

No. 201386

Lets get real here.
If you really love your bf, why would you be interested in friendship in any other organism in the universe?

No. 201388

>>201386
We have a robot right here.

No. 201390

>>201383
Robots out

No. 201391

>>201388
"Find what you love and let it kill you"
Can you love?

No. 201393

>>201391
I'm sorry. Maybe i'm too idealistic.

No. 201394

>>201391
Nah. People who think you should/could die for love are edgy teenagers, robots and BPD bitches. No thanks, I'm into healthy relationships.

No. 201396

>>201394
What are these "BPD bitches"? They seam like decent human beings.

No. 201402

I do think it's plenty possible. The stickler is there has to be no romantic attraction.

I mean yeah, I'm attracted to some of my friends. They're attractive people, who saw that coming. But I'm still able to sort that aside and get to know them as individuals. But if the guy is secretly hoping her feelings will change by being "just that great of a friend" or whatever the fuck it's just going to be a shit show for everyone involved.

No. 201406

>>201402
>>201385
agree with these two anons. if any of my close guy friends have developed feelings for me i wouldn't know. i'm reasonably attractive and have gotten a lot of attention from the opposite sex, but almost none of my friends have ever made a move on me after we developed a closer friendship. it's just a matter of picking decent human beings to hang out with.

i don't think you're a thot tho >>201402 i've grown up with mainly guy friends because my interests and personality are seen as more boyish. i've made myself look more feminine but my major is predominantly male, so it's still difficult to find girl friends.

No. 201407

it's kind of like hanging out with people who drink a lot or smoke weed a lot

sure it's possible to not get intoxicated with them

but the temptation is there and a lot of people fall into it

No. 201408

>>201406
this too tbh, if someone is just a good person/cool there probably won't be an issue

No. 201409

>>201406
thanks i'm glad you agree! i don't really think it makes me a thot either but as of late there's been a lot of hate towards women who have mostly male friends. either that they secretly bang them/are only friends with them to get sexual attention or that they think they're special snowflakes/not like other girls. i mean those girls exist but wtf maybe i'm just a man's lady.

No. 201410

>>201407
i mean, KIND OF, but that assumes there's intense attraction with everybody. It's more like being sober and hanging out with a friend group where one or two people are having a beer. Your analogy is like a friend group where everyone is a horny 10.

No. 201413

>>201410
fair point, i guess it really depends on the type of people you're with and how attracted to them you are

tbh i think most cheating happens from alcohol/drugs anyway, most 'moral' people probably wouldn't

No. 201414

if you're incredibly attracted to a friend but in a relationship, would it be best to avoid them?

No. 201416

>>201409
>there's been a lot of hate towards women who have mostly male friends.
I mean, if you're a woman in say STEM, it's understandable that most of your friends are going to be men because it's a fucking sausage fest. I've never seen a lot of hate directed towards women like that. The issue is when they say shit like how they're friends with men because women are drama, because then it's pretty obvious the guys are just tagging along with the hopes they'll get to spit roast her.

I've actually seen quite a few women try to play that up thinking it makes them "not like the other girls" but it just makes me run for the hills instead.

>>201413
>tbh i think most cheating happens from alcohol/drugs anyway
I've seen numerous cases of people cheating without any substances being involved. At most they just reduce your inhibitions, I drink heavily at times but it's never been something I've worried about.

No. 201419

>>201409
i've def seen the hate but i've also known a lot of girls who act like what >>201416 mentions. i try to be careful when i talk about the discrepancy in my friendship ratio. i make it more of an issue that there's not very many girls around rather than girls not being very fun or because i lowkey hate other women.

the "not like other girls" girls are usually easy to pick out. how do her guy friends treat her? as an actual equal or do they dance around her? has more than one of them dated/slept with her? does she change negatively when there are other girls around? does she act stereotypically feminine even though she insists otherwise? i had one in my last mixed friend group, she would never want to hang around the other girls and just had the guys do her favors/drive her around.

No. 201420

>>201416
>The issue is when they say shit like how they're friends with men because women are drama, because then it's pretty obvious the guys are just tagging along with the hopes they'll get to spit roast her.

It boggles me how someone can have the persistence and drive to complete a degree in STEM and end up in a respectable institution, yet not only look in front of their face for romantic/sexual relations, but be so myopic about it.

I know people have many variances in personality, but it seems like that kind of short-term pursuit would negatively affect such individuals outside of just that, especially in academia where temptations are plenty.

No. 201425

A bit of jealousy is understandable, but he needs to fucking chill. You're allowed to have friends.

I'm in STEM and have STEM hobbies, so I have a lot of male friends and get chased on occasion. That doesn't mean I'm going to cheat. My boyfriend has a lot of female friends and gets hit on. That doesn't mean he's going to cheat. People aren't all horny robots who can't control themselves, even if they have attractive friends, because it'd be impossible to function in the real world otherwise.

Your boyfriend sounds like he can't have female friends and that in turn believes you shouldn't have male friends. He needs to work on his issues and stop mistreating you. I am saying this as an insecure bitch who has had the same issues as him.

He sounds like he's got fucked up views of women too, but I could be wrong. Something sounds not right here that goes beyond garden-variety insecurity or jealousy.

No. 201428

>>201416
Women in STEM are usually the ones who DON'T spew that bullshit because they get to see the petty side of men as well on a daily basis. Hell I'm a woman in STEM and I'd kill for another woman in our work group. The "I only hang out with guys because there's less drama" girls (Seriously they need their own definitive term) Are the queen bees who have a swarm of desperate men around them, only there because they want to fuck her so they suck up to her until she gets a boyfriend. That's when they all bail. And that's why they think "men are less drama" because they put up an act around her to please her.

Regarding the original topic of can women and men be friends, I think yes - I have plenty of male friends. And everyone SHOULD have friends of the opposite gender, it broadens your views. However I can't deny that it gets hard, in my experience men often think you're into them if you're so much as casually polite to them and start behaving inappropriately, or they have a very jealous girlfriend that doesn't like their man speaking to other girls. I've lost so many good male friends because their insecure girlfriends didn't like "competition" despite us being friends for years before their relationship, and made so many awkward moments when a guy confesses to me and I don't feel the same way. Both genders should really act to stop the "women and men can't be just friends" meme.

No. 201429

>>201420
>It boggles me how someone can have the persistence and drive to complete a degree in STEM and end up in a respectable institution, yet not only look in front of their face for romantic/sexual relations, but be so myopic about it.

Because many men in STEM have little to no experience with the opposite sex and have no clue how to operate around them. So a moderately attractive woman throws a bit of attention at them and they go brain dead. Like I'm trying to be pretty active with colleges Engineering club and other sorts of activities in an attempt to build contacts and I can count the number of women I talk to each month through that stuff on one hand.

If I'm going to meet a woman it's going to be through online dating or some other club, or shit like that.

>>201428
>Women in STEM are usually the ones who DON'T spew that bullshit because they get to see the petty side of men as well on a daily basis

Junior year and on, I would agree with you. At that point the only people left are people who are actually interested in the field. Freshman year though? I saw quite a few women who thought they could latch themselves onto some nerd and have him carry her forward like back in Highschool. Then your great filter classes put a curb stomp to that notion. That's my experience anyways.

>he "I only hang out with guys because there's less drama" girls (Seriously they need their own definitive term)

I understand the sentiment but this kind of echoes the whole "nice guy" thing to me. The issue isn't nice guys but "nice guys" and blah blah blah. I'd like to just call them all cunts but I doubt that'll catch on.

No. 201442

>>201290

This seems like one of the fundamental differences between men and women. Women are much more capable of being strictly platonic than men. Your boyfriend dislikes the idea because he knows well that every one of those male friends who isn't gay or asexual is going to want to fuck you. It doesn't mean that men can't be 'real friends' with you, but the general rule is that whatever the relationship is, he wants to have sex with you.

If you want to know how men would act if they weren't inhibited by women's relative lack of sexual interest, look at gay relationships. It's not unusual for them to have 100 different partners per year.

No. 201455

I've been years in STEM. Be one of the guys and they stop trying and caring. Ignore the sexual shit and they will too. I have no irl female friends from my field, since it's the most male dominated out there.

Men and women can be friends if you make effort.

No. 201479

>>201425
I agree with this, at work there is one girl that a very kind and thoughtful towards everyone, I'm trying to encourage him to be friends with her so he can change his view but he doesn't really want to cause he thinks she has a crush on him, even though she already knows he's taken. I think he's just making up an excuse to not be friends.

No. 201486

What do u think about your BF having female friends?

Can u be ok with the fact that him will hangout with one woman, to eat, having fun, putting photo on instagram with her and a beautiful legend like: "special time with my best".
You'll call him to come to your home and he'll answer: "oh, I can't, today I'll in the starbucks with Lisa"
I'm pretty sure no one will like this. I'll be jealous.

A friendship between straight man and straight woman will never be the samen than man-man or woman-woman friendship.
A man go to his friend's bedroom drink, talk, watch some sports and etc, but, a girl will not do the same.
So, one thing is u talk with your friends on the campus other things is you hanging out with them.

No. 201903

>>201486
>What do you think about your BF having female friends?
I mean there's over a page of peoples feelings on exactly that in this thread rn but don't let me stop you from asking the important questions anon



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