[ Rules ] [ ot / g / m ] [ pt / snow / w ] [ meta ] [ Server Status ]

/ot/ - off-topic

Name
Email
Subject
Comment
File(20 MB max)
Video
Password (For post deletion)

The site will be down for maintenance this Friday, March 29th from 11:00 to 14:00 GMT, read more here

File: 1498084589052.jpeg (224.05 KB, 580x435, sam-clarissa-explains-all-larg…)

No. 195901

What's your opinion about male/female friendships? Does it work? Do you think it's true what (((they))) say about all men wanting to fuck their female friends? Why do you think a large amount of men are unable to be just friends with a woman?

No. 195907

none of my male friends have made passes at me (despite me not being unattractive). this is probably because
>I don't use them as emotional tampons
>I'm not affectionate with them (or any of my friends)
>I have skills that aren't useless
>they respect me intellectually
>I don't make friends with men who are constantly chasing after women (casual sex is fine. I don't like serial monogamists)

No. 195908

>>195907

you and I are alike, pretty much yes

No. 195911

A large amount of men just don't find women worth befriending for whatever reasons. I don't really see why that's a problem though, a lot of women almost exclusively have female friends and no one cares if she can or cannot befriend a man. If a man can't be your friend without trying to fuck you, just move on from him. Friendship is a whole lot more than what gender that person is. Who cares if they're a man or a woman, as long as it's a good friendship.

>>195907
how does constantly chasing after women mean casual sex is OK but serial monogamy isn't? I'm just kinda confused about this one. Like guys who are constantly trying to find a gf?

No. 195913

>>195911
>guys who are constantly trying to find a gf?
yes, this is what I meant

No. 195924

>>195907
Same here more or less. In addition, my close guy friends are really open about not wanting to find me attractive. I was talking about how I needed to work out more and my friend said "Don't get too buff, I'm into that." The fact that they're comfortable telling me this and also comfortable telling me to fuck off once in a while and aren't afraid to tell me "no" (not being "beta orbiters", basically) is what has made our friendship work, I think. Also the fact that I've pretty much always been single and they go in and out of relationships makes me confident that they aren't interested in dating me at all.

No. 195926

File: 1498096054214.png (109.76 KB, 500x432, when-you-want-a-girls-night-bu…)

some of my best friends are male
it's just what you'd expect a normal friendship to be and they never tried getting with me or anything (I'm a lesbian) but I hate it because sometimes I want some girl time and go shopping and get manicures and stuff everynow and then but I have no female friends, ever since I came out, usually girls get creeped out when I try to be friends with them, most girls here are stuck up and think you have some massive lesbian crush on them if you add them on FB, I did have good female relationships in the past but they all moved


pic related, it's literally me with my friends

No. 195929

>>195926
I relate to what you have to say, except I only have one best friend and he is a straight male and I am a straight female. We tried dating for 2 weeks after being friends for years, but decided to become friends again instead. I think men and women can be just friends, but I'm looking to make close female friends too.

No. 195941

I think it's definitely doable. I have quite a few male friends in my circle of close friends and we have healthy relationships.

I think there's also this unspoken attraction between some people in our friend group but we all value the friendship more than to risk making it awkward or ruining anything or the attraction is just a base level like "this person is cute/we have similar interests which is rad". Tbh some of them have admitted they'd do each other during drinking games and stuff but it was all lighthearted and in a "haha yeah wouldn't that be a shit show" sort of way.

No. 195945

Men will want to fuck their female friends if they're attractive.

Doesnt meant they'll act on it, cause a friendship might be more important.
But if the opportunity arises…

If you're male friends haven't made a pass at you it means they don't think you're attractive. Pretty simple

No. 195951

I feel the same as >>195926 except I'm straight. Mixed gender friendships were normal in my family though, I think people that grow up in very traditional families probably struggle with it more.

I'll admit to keeping male orbiters when I was naive and younger but now I shut that stuff down immediately and I'm more sensible about the messages I give off because I understand you can't trust strangers to not be thirsty. I'm very candid about how committed I am to my bf, so there's no room for any mixed messages to grow.

>>195941
>this person is cute/we have similar interests which is rad
I think it's healthy to be feel someone is great without going all oneitis on it, but maybe joking about it during drinking games particularly adds too much tension to me.
I'm comfortable admitting that I would probably date/fuck most of my friends in an alternative reality, but I went through a short phase on crushing on a friend this year to the point I was having sex dreams and stealing glances and I just felt guilty for how disrespectful it was to be such a creep when he clearly didn't notice so I had to stop seeing him for a while and it has really changed my opinion on orbiters in a more negative way. Appreciating your friends visually is fine but I don't know how thirsty people who secretly consciously creep on their friends under the pretense of friendships can live with themselves, it's so invasive.

No. 195955

File: 1498126139475.gif (2.4 MB, 496x280, tenor.gif)

>>195926
sounds about right, some girls get creeped out way too easily by other girls

No. 195961

i read this article and while i found it very sexist at first, it got stuck in my mind and unfortunately saw that many of my male friends, especially the close ones do the "finding a more casual and accessible friend group and ditching the close female friend" thing: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/men-women-can-never-friends-sex-has-nothing-do/

i do have some male friendships that doesn't fit this bill, but they tend to be more relaxed, less intimate ones.

No. 195969

Eh, I have a boyfriend but I want to have sex with most of my male friends. They are are all successful nice and smart and
I have really low self esteem, them desiring me me would make me feel good. I know it's pathetic, but I would never act on it I love my bf way to much and I cherish my friendship with them.

No. 195972

My closest friend is a bisexual guy. We've been friends since we were really young, and ever since then he's become sort of a brother figure and so I think that's why there was never any sexual tension between us. He's a good looking guy, but we're not attracted to each other and I think that's just because of how close we are. He has a girlfriend but can come across as feminine (most of his other friends are girls and we have the same taste in music, I think he just relates better to girls). If we met now I can't really see myself being attracted to him because he's not really my type, but I see no reason why guys and girls can't have a non-sexual friendship.

No. 195975

I never had many guy friends growing up but now I've gotten to have comfortable friendships with a few where there's no sense of attraction.

My friend group from high school devolved into people acting on crushes with one another and dating. At best there was some underlying tension and at worst I now can't hang out with two of my closest friends together because their relationship ended badly. The silver lining is since then me and the guy have personal conversations and he's become the closest guy friend I've ever had with no romantic feelings.
The rest are coworkers and most of them are married/in a committed relationship and aren't fuckboys so it's also pretty good with no issues.

No. 195978

I have a few guy friends, but they are all my boyfriend's friends. I've never got along well with boys before. I always preferred to have girl friends. The only other guy friends I have, I barely talk to.

Of my main "guy friend group," I can't say that any of them are attracted to me. But then again, they may just be respectful of my boyfriend and keep me as just a friend because of that. I personally think that I'm probably just not physically beautiful enough to be seen as desirable to them.

There's one guy who I've known for many, many years in that group, and there may be tension there? But I'm probably just imagining it. I'm not very pretty. It's a miracle my boyfriend even wanted me.

No. 195980

File: 1498155389096.png (4.61 KB, 493x402, 1491886545072.png)

Made a very good guy friend at my first workplace. Thought we were close and we even hung out at each other's houses.

Her girlfriend made him break contact with me and told him some bullshit about me trying to tear them apart. He ate it up completely and cut all contact with me.

Been weary about making guy friends since then. Their SOs and male friends will always come before you.

No. 195982

>>195901
I have a large number of guy friends I've known for various lengths of time (10 years being the longest), and I've never had any weird sexual tension with them or anything like that. In comparison, I have literally 2 girl friends who I've known my entire life. I find it much more difficult to make girl friends vs guys, and I suppose that's because I'm not a very open person. I think I come across as cold, which sucks because I've always wanted a group of girl friends like all those cheesy chick flicks.

Anyway I'm rambling - guy friends are great, and if you find a guy who is incapable of just being friends he's a shit person, because I guarentee there are a fuck ton of guys out there that can be will respect you and value your friendship.

No. 195989

>>195980
I hate when my boyfriend makes female friends.

No. 196151

>>195989
I feel guilty about it but I'm right there with you. I don't think my boyfriend has any intention of cheating, but I still don't like it. He has some female friends he had prior to even meeting me that I actually dislike on a personal level besides that but I still wish i could unlearn it.

No. 196152

>>196151
I feel the same way. Is there any way to get past this?

No. 196153

>>196152
Different anon from the other two, but you just have to have a whole lot of trust, I guess. I was fine with my boyfriend's female friend until she started hitting on him, but then he just completely dropped her and hasn't made any more female friends since then. I would still be fine with it if he did because I know I can trust him to shut that shit down if she ever seemed to try to push the relationship any further.

No. 196156

>>196153
I wish I knew how to trust others. I've been cheated on three times, and it makes me so scared of being cheated on again (even though I don't think my current boyfriend is the kind of person to do that.) I've never cheated myself. I guess I'm just really afraid of losing my boyfriend again the same way. I get sick to my stomach when he talks to his female friends or hangs out with any girls, even if they are just his friends. I never tell him what to do or go through his phone or anything stupid, but I can seriously have an anxiety attack if he gets a text from a girl. It's not healthy.

I know this isn't really the right thread for this, but how do you learn how to trust other people again? Or do you think there's just something wrong with me that makes people want to cheat on me?

sage for getting kind of off topic

No. 196157

>>196156
forgot my sage like the idiot I am

No. 196160

>>195980
this happens on both sides to be fair. there's a lot of relationships people are in where it's kind of like their partner isn't even a really good friend in addition to being their partner, it's mostly just an attraction thing, so the person is afraid that someone else will click better with their partner.

No. 196162

>>195989
>>196151

My boyfriend and I both have an agreement that I don't have male friends and he doesn't have female friends.

The only exception is my best friend who is male but I've known him since childhood and he's really ugly and he thinks I'm really ugly so it works out. We're the opposite of each other's types. He likes petite yet masculine Asian girls (think Amber from f(x)) and I like dadbod funny types (my boyfriend looks like Chris Pratt in Parks & Rec). I'm a chubby white girl and he's a rail-thin awkward dude.

My boyfriend barely minds if I have male friends anyways, he's more concerned about me making female friends. I'm bisexual but leaning very heavily towards girls so he's more paranoid about them, haha.

But I do think girls and guys can be friends if there is obviously no attraction between the two of them. Otherwise nah. Too risky.

No. 196163

>>196162
>My boyfriend and I both have an agreement that I don't have male friends
>My boyfriend barely minds if I have male friends anyways, he's more concerned about me making female friends

sooo what kind of friends can you have? Maybe since I've always been single I wouldn't understand but why do couples force the other not to have friends of a certain gender? If someone makes a pass with your SO why isn't having them shut it down be enough? It just gets even worse in a case like you where you're bi.

No. 196164

>>196163
I have female friends but they're mostly ones I meet online and hang out with IRL later since I suck at making friends with girls in person because I get too intimidated. He's just a little more nervous about me hanging out with girls than guys is all since I'm rarely attracted to men and frequently attracted to women. We're both just paranoid. We were both cheated on by our ex's opposite sex friends.

No. 196166

>>196160
Idk. My boyfriend and I are really good friends (started off as friends first,) so I'm actually more concerned that he will find someone who is more attractive, rather than someone he clicks more with. But I guess I'm just afraid of everything.

No. 196175

>>195980
No shit Sherlock, of course their partner is more important than you. Are a you really that narcissistic that you think you should be treated as more important than someone's partner? You're just a friend, nothing more, you're not getting the same privileges as a partner. Get over it.

No. 196176

>>196175
Not that anon but it's one thing to have a higher priority for your SO and another thing to actively cut out platonic friends from your life because your SO is a paranoid person making up shit about them.

No. 196178

>>196156
I guess with me, I don't only trust my partner, I'm very confident in our relationship. Perhaps overly confident most of the time. Of course there's nothing wrong with you causing you to get cheated on. That's a little ridiculous. The men who did that to you just weren't worth being in a relationship with in the first place. You obviously haven't lost all of your ability to trust your boyfriend though, or you just wouldn't be with him. You need to find a way to gain confidence in your relationship as well as trust. Maybe it'll just take a lot of time, idk, but I hope you get it sorted, anon. I wish you to be as happy as possible in life.

No. 196181

>>196175
Where the hell are you even drawing those conclusions? Of course their SO should be more important than me. It's one thing to prioritize and another to have a crazy bitch try to destroy her boyfriend's social life (she's weird about his guy friends too).

Did your own SO run off with another dude or something? Take a fucking chill pill.

I should mention they were broken up/"taking a break" during this time because of her insane jealousy issues. How about those assumptions, anon

No. 196184

It's possible. However, some are seriously delusional and get all territorial when a new girl enters the pic as the gf but is still in denial.

No. 196185

>>195980
Hey I was the gf once. But the girl was being territorial and it was clear to anyone she was into him. My reasoning for cutting off? He asked me to do the same for someone who was nowhere near the level she was at. We broke up for other reasons and… shocker they got together afterwards. What makes me laugh is that she blames me still for her realising her feelings and it was my fault I pushed them together.

Glad I'm out of that shithole.

No. 196186

>>195980
>Been weary about making guy friends since then. Their SOs and male friends will always come before you.

Okay, new work girl.

No. 196232

i have close male friends but they tend to be more on the effeminate side, even if they're straight. i think it works out better that way. a couple of my other friends have confessed they found me cute / had a crush on me initially though.

>>195980
>>196175
lmao right. i give higher priority to my boyfriend and older friends than some new random who walks into my life. i hope you didn't hang out alone at each other's house, even if his gf was around at his. if so she was right to get upset.

No. 196241

I was a tomboy growing up and had multiple male friends, so you can imagine that once puberty hit I lost them all. Ever since then whenever I've befriended a male, they at some point make it aware that they want a relationship. When you say no, you don't feel that way about them, they leave completely. The basic story you all probably know. It's depressing. Now when nearing 30 guys are getting more sensible about that again and you can actually have male friends without them having second thoughts since most of them have stable relationships and they don't need to desperately latch onto any woman willing to talk to them.

So most of my male friends are already taken and I really understand them putting their SO before me except when they completely cut off all contact because their girlfriend is jealous of her boyfriend talking to another girl. That kind of relationship isn't going to work when your SO can't trust you. And lo and behold, they usually break up after around 6-12 months in bad terms and the guy comes crawling back to his old friends.

>>195926
>ever since I came out, usually girls get creeped out when I try to be friends with them, most girls here are stuck up and think you have some massive lesbian crush on them if you add them on FB
God, this. I'm bi leaning more towards girls and I'm in the closet for this exact reason. Straight girls often get creeped the fuck out when they find out someone is into girls because of course bi/lesbians are all horny as fuck rapists wanting to move onto ANY girl. And the media doesn't really help this by portraying every lesbian character as some slimeball flirting with every girl possible.

No. 196249

>>196186
Man, I worded that so, so wrong. More like, it's easy for their SOs and male friends to turn them against you without good cause.

No. 196252

Advice on this weird situation?

There's a new teller at my bank and we're pretty chatty about work stuff as he's doing my deposit, today he walked me out of the building since we were talking about stuff. I said that I had to get back to work and started to walk off and he stopped me and asked me out to lunch. I politely declined and mentioned I was in a relationship and the guy was kinda defensive right away and said "Okay? I just want to be friends."
I feel super weird about that because usually when it happens, guys will apologize and explain they didn't mean it as a date, just to hang out with me and be friends etc.

I got a super weird vibe from that, offered to do a group hangout with my friend later on and hurried off.

I have a feeling he didn't wanna just be friends. Am I being paranoid or?

No. 196260

>>196252
He probably was asking you out on a date and just got embarrassed that you said no. That defensiveness is just damage control because he felt humiliated. He's probably insecure.

No. 196277

I only have two male friends that have never tried to make a pass at me or hit on me. One I've been friends with ever since middle school and he's more like a brother to me. The second is a mutual friend but he's never once tried to hit on me. Both of them have been honest about saying they think I'm attractive but never in a 'I'd fuck you' kind of way.

Literally every other guy I've met in the past two or so years has eventually tried to flirt with me which has been annoying. I never had many guy friends growing up so I'm not sure if I'm just bad at recognizing the signs.

No. 196280

Let's see… I've had 2 gay male friends who were gossipy weasels, 5 more who only wanted to get into my pants, and 1 very persistent beta orbiter who clearly has ulterior motives but at this point I don't really give a fuck. And a partridge in a pear tree.

No. 196324

>>196181
Lol suuuure that's what's up. Backpedaling nicely there. What happened to:

>Been weary about making guy friends since then. Their SOs and male friends will always come before you.


Apparently you DON'T understand boundaries, and you DON'T understand that it's completely normal that SO's come before friends. You don't like it when you can't be the most important person in someone's life. Pretty sure there's a very good reason why his girlfriend wanted him to break contact with you, you do sound like one of those territorial girls who think they should be treated as more important than significant others and older friends.

No. 196326

>>195989
Would you be okay with it if the friend was gay?

No. 196337

>>196324
Nice projection of your insecurities, anon. I already said it was worded very terribly

This was a good ten years ago and now that I reflect on it, breaking contact would've wiser. Finally being in a relationship myself, I can sympathize. But my real gripe, the way it happened, was absolutely painful and unnecessary considering we were on our way to losing touch anyways. A goddamned text message would've been less traumatic.

But keep smashing your meaty little fists in self-righteous fury while pretending to know a single thing, I guess. I almost forgot this was lolcow

No. 196349

>>196337
ntayrt but you sound like you have some serious issues friendo

No. 196354

>>196337
My insecurities? You call someone defining their boundaries a traumatic experience.

No. 196357

>>196337
>n-nice projecting

Reel it in anon, you're making a complete fool of yourself

No. 196369

>>196357
>>196354
>>196349
That desperate samefagging tho

No. 196403

>>196369
Do you always jump to samefagging whenever people disagree with you?

No. 196423

>>196369
>>196337
keep deluding yourself that people stop wanting to be friends with you because they/their SOs are crazy. have you realized you're the common link in all of it?



Delete Post [ ]
[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules ] [ ot / g / m ] [ pt / snow / w ] [ meta ] [ Server Status ]