/ot/ - off-topic

In my case, I just have no real friends I can rely on. My online friends are not exactly sane, I've tried to get away from one of them but I keep caring too much to truly go away despite her being a druggie that trauma dumps me as if I was a journal and not a person. She has been a close friend from years and I've never felt the same support from her as she has gotten from me, she is very stunted emotionally. I have a lot of patience but being closer and closer to 30 I wonder if I can keep doing this shit.

This is a good thread
My friends irl are basically non existent. I live in a small town and I have no prospects so I really wonder wtf am I supposed to do. I want to tell them to fuck off, I want people that care about me, not some assholes that don't really care. I'm just tired and I see no finish line or no other escape than getting married to someone who lives in another country and blocking all of them once I'm far, far away.

I don't think I could make new online friends, even though they've been my cope for a long time. People are just too crazy nowadays. An encounter on this very same imageboard soured it for me. I'm also not into fandoms or husbandos or yaoi at all (despite being into anime and videogames. Weird I know) and it feels like everyone is obsessed over those things all the time.

great thread idea, nonna.

so far every post in this thread is very relatable. i was a lonely neet who somehow got married and has moved a few times since then so i am friendless and don't have a support system aside from my spouse. i love the fact none of the assholes of my past are around but it's isolating sometimes, especially because idk how to get close to new people. i wish i had kept some acquaintances and connections but if you don't have social media you're basically dead to a lot of millennials my age. I don't talk to my family very often either because they were violent and abusive af so ive been learning how to cope being on my own/alone with my spouse. if i died the only people who'd sort of care would be my in-laws and my own mum wouldn't notice my absence for weeks. she'd would probably be relieved im dead if im being honest.

I'm in a weird spot. I only have online friends and I don't want to dump my problems on them when I don't want to make them worry I'm worse off then I am when they're unable to do something about it. Because I have been in that position before and it's awful.
I have never had any romantic experience, so no boyfriend or spouse to rely on. I do have a close family, but I hate feeling like my poor mom is the one that has to be the one that always has to be my support.
Throughout the years I've had various levels of professional support, but right now I'm in a weird place and can't really go anywhere because I'm too complex for basic help but all the specialized services have very long waitlists only to be told that they think it's more problem x and I should try a specialist in that instead (who will tell me no it's more poblem y!).
Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond grateful that I have parents that are kind and understanding beyond of what many parents would do. But I can't use them as my sole support forever. They deserve better too.

I don't even have a support system let alone a shitty one. I have no friends or bf/gf and my family isn't the type to be super emotionally in touch with each other so if I'm in a depressive rut or need to vent all I can do to blow off some steam is come complain here or write in my journal kek. At least browsing here reminds me that there are others like me out there rather than feeling like a complete alien compared to normies who have loving friends, partners and families.

Having a lot of issues with my bf over this. He had a lot of issues when we first started dating, and I helped him get his life together. Yet, now that I lost my job/friends/car, he "struggles" to "help" me.
No matter what I do, my depression over whats happened to me turns into a fight. I've given him articles, videos, actual NOTES, over how to support me but he finds it "too hard." So he throws a pity party over himself (that I help him get out off, and therefore, my problems get thrown aside), or blows up on me that I'm "asking for too much."
It's difficult to handle because I want to break up with him but hes my ONLY support system right now. So I take the little crumbs I can get until I'm able to get a job and make new friends again. But it's torture staying quiet on how much you are suffering and having to act okay in front of someone you love. So I end up crying, and then another fight happens. Nonnas and vent thread are what keep me going now a days.

>>1899268
No offense you anon, but it seems like he isn't actually your support system. He's dragging you down with him.

It’s hard to explain but I hate how unreliable my family is. My dad is an alcoholic and will get explosively angry at me for anything, and my mom will flip between a half-assed attempt defend me or doing literally anything for him. It’s so psychologically jarring dealing with someone calling you names and threatening you and the next day they act like nothing happened.

I have no friends irl, i am not close with my family and i would not trust them with my feelings since they will twist it into how they have it harder than me and i am spoilt and privileged. I don't like talking to them because i am trying to forget how a lot of my life problems are exacerbated by trying to keep them happy, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I have online friends but we are not very close as i'd like to be, they are pretty normie and don't really relate to me much, so i avoid venting to them too much.

>>1899268
You are actually his support system. He is not your support.

My problem is that as much as I have a best friend whom I can talk to if it comes to it, most of the time it's her rambling and venting s 2/3rds of the time.
I know she lets the door open for me to share anything if need be, but I'm so used to talking about my issues, not just with her, and 1. people pulling the cover to themselves in a metaphorical sense, so they start using me as their emotional support or 2. people telling me that all I talk to them about is just negative stuff, when the "negative stuff" I would qualify as me just bickering or bitching (I criticize people's looks, people smoking, people's car/bike driving, people's loudmouth habits like blocking a seat in the public transport with their bag full of empty tare bottles, etc.).
Emotions of any kind do take at least a good five to ten minutes before I mellow out again.
So I end up having to just forget about whatever is up because otherwise I get antsy by bottling it up, or I focus on other work to use that angry energy efficiently, while maybe throwing a few cusses here and there when more stuff gets annoying.

I don't know if I have a good support system or not, honestly. I don't have the type of friends I wish I had but not everything has to be like in the movies. I hope things can improve in the future. As much as I dislike my entire family and the feeling might be mutual, at least I have my mom (even if she annoys me with her old lady antics sometimes) and that's ok for me.

Nice thread idea, nona. My support system is kind of all over the place. When it comes to practical things, I can go to my parents but for EMERGENCIES only. Like I've been out of electricity for more than a day now but my parents won't even offer or ask if I want to stay the night or something? But if it's really dire they're there for me. They helped me look for my dumbass kitten when I was crying and panicking, no questions asked. Emotionally they are both very immature but I can't blame them for it too much. My sister was my only friend for a long time and over the years we've helped each other deal with plenty of heartbreak. Unfortunately she lives far from me, as does my best friend. And I've been dating a wonderful man who would probably let me be baby if I asked but I'm doing my best to do things on my own nonetheless, I don't wish to burden him even if he seemingly has infinite capacity for the things that life throws at him.

I just wish my lack of real life friends situation would change but I have no idea how to contact the 1-2 people I still occasionally touch base with, or make new ones. I've graduated college, I'm in recovery from really awful trauma, stuck being jobless, don't like interacting with men, and I hate apps for dating or friends. How the fuck am I supposed to get back on my feet? I've considered mental health support groups but they sound like a recipe for disaster if you befriend the wrong person.

>>1902689
>I have no idea how to contact the 1-2 people I still occasionally touch base with, or make new ones. I've graduated college, I'm in recovery from really awful trauma, stuck being jobless, don't like interacting with men, and I hate apps for dating or friends. How the fuck am I supposed to get back on my feet?
God I'm in the same boat. Hugs nonna.

>>1899268
I know anons here say it a lot because it's a terf site, but you really should leave this guy, he's only making it worse, sunk cost fallacy be damned, I've been in your same situation, and then had to stay single for 3 years to get my shit together and then find a guy who actually helps me

>>1899268
nonna is your soulmate really someone you have to explain human decency to?

When I mentioned something that has happened long time ago to my mom, she would always be surprised why I hadn't told her before, right when it happened. And I couldn't understand it either. Later, when I was a teen, I knew why I couldn't trust my mom with any of my emotional/psychological issues. She always said I could come to her and tell her anything, but whenever I actually tried it only made it worse for me because the lack of understanding was astonishing. She always said she couldn't share anything with her mother because she would turn everything against my mom and blame her, and that she didn't want to be like that and wanted to have a connection and trust between us. She probably didn't act identically to my grandmother but I'd say it was pretty similar in a sense that she couldn't help or comfort me. She would either devalue and diminish my problem, ignore it, just because she didn't know how deal with it, or somehow make it about herself. I think she thought she had more reasons to be depressed but she didn't allow these emotions to herself. And it probably annoyed her that I could allow myself to feel this way, even though I didn't have a "right" from her point of view. Sometimes she would hug me and say it made her sad and she would also start crying, and that she didn't even know how to help me. And she would mention for the 100th time that sometimes she also cries but no one can see it and it felt like guilt-tripping. I understand that the lack of support in her childhood fucked up her ability to accept and regulate her emotions but eventually she did it to me as well. My dad wouldn't even bother but he's a very reserved person and I resemble him more and more with age. I can't really hold resentment because I can see now they were struggling themselves and no one was so well-versed in all this psychology stuff back in their youth. But I realize how it affected me and I wonder who I would be today if I actually could actually trust my parents and they were actually ready to listen and understand.

Anyway, what I initially wanted to say is that even if parents tell something like "you can tell me anything, you can always come to me" it's kind of pointless because it implies that a child already has an advanced level of awareness and strong understanding of what is wrong and right. If you're not told how exactly the mistreatmeant looks like, how can you tell when you're mistreated? You may feel bad about it but, then again, how well are you connected to your emotions as a child, are you able to analyze them, can you describe them? How do you know when another adult is manipulative and oppressive when you're taught to trust adults and basically do what they say because they know better, wish you well and "create the rules"? So many adults aren't mature themselves and yet they expect too much from children. I started to think about it recently when I started to tutor my niece and she would misbehave sometimes. I read and heard thousands of times that you simply need to TALK to children and try to figure out what's wrong. LOL. Not every adult is able to tell you what's wrong because they never fucking even try to think about it or for billions of other reasons and it's a literal CHILD. I did try to ask her questions and it was met with total confusion, she clearly just wanted to move on. Children don't analyze their behavior and emotions and they won't open up that easily. At best, they will guess and say whatever might be "correct" in the situation = whatever makes you happy so you'll shut up and leave them alone. And I know I would've done exactly the same as a child and most probably did, hehe.

>>1902689
Holy shit are you me

Not sure if it's related, but how do you deal with things that require lovers/friends/family member's help, like moving places? I'm poor and have no support in that regard and I struggle to even find any resources, tips or experiences on how to deal with it efficiently. Even on social media I can't find a single person who moved out all alone.

>>2074816
Depends on how much stuff you have, if you're moving far away like in a different city, if you can use public transportations or have a car, which country you live in… If you don't have a lot of furnitures or any, it will be manageable. Big furnitures will be a hassle so if I were you I'd rather sell them and buy new ones or you'd have to call a moving company. I moved out by myself in a different city at 18, although I didn't have any furniture I had a lot of stuff and had to do like three round trips by train with two big suitcases and a huge backpack each time. It was annoying but I couldn't do it differently. Then when I moved in the same city I used public transportations and did one uber van trip to pack as much heavy stuff as possible (I had to call beforehand though because I had small furnitures and not every driver is okay with that). If you're lucky and live in a country with nice people maybe some neighbor or passerby will help you. If you have to move out far away and can't take trains or flights, maybe you can find a carpool online. Either way take some time to prepare, you can do it by yourself mostly but it will take more time and you probably can't do it all in one go.

Salty artist but I don’t feel supported in the art groups I’ve attended. Very cut throat under the guise of ~supportive fun community~. I sound paranoid but an artist ‘friend’ completed a drawing of hers after I shared my sketch (it was the same subject) and then months later decided she too wanted to go into a similar field and style even though she had no mention of it before. I told her I had certain goals and then a few days later those were her goals too. She’s faster than me with a bigger online following so saying this sounds like I’m paranoid and jealous since she thinks we’re friends. Am I the retarded one? Is she actively sabotaging me? I think I’m paranoid.

>>2074816
If you work and aren't moving super far, it might be possible to ask a coworker and then treat them to pizza (or some easy meal) afterwards.