/ot/ - off-topic

No, because everyone in my family is dead now. It depends on who says it and what the context of them saying it is. And yes, but my resent was much stronger when I was a kid. I just get random feelings of envy and anger now, and I don't show it.

>Do you still have a relationship with them? Why or why not?
I do, because they mean well and it was only my mother that was the problem. They're not off their rocker or anything, but my mum was incredibly controlling back when I lived under her roof to the degree of not letting me shower by myself or wash my own hair until I was 15-ish. She'd literally march me back to the bathroom and say I hadn't done it correctly, my neck was still dirty, or I still had shampoo in my hair or whatever. Never had an issue with my dad past his bickering with my mother (they're divorced).

>Do you get irrationally angry at people who agree with you when you're talking about how horrible they are?
No, I feel guilty for talking shite about my mum, she's not really a bad person, just a lonely hypochondriac.

>Do you feel envious or resentful toward your friends with good parents?
Yeah. My bf's folks especially, they're this perfect, happy kumbaya family that love talking about their feelings, playing board games together and having family field trips to some irrelevant place like the Magic Road or w/e. Both my bf and his siblings are so well-adjusted, confident and friendly that it legit makes me jealous sometimes. My parents always keep me at arm's length, it sometimes feels like we're reenacting episodes of Downton Abbey.

>>178626
>I do, because they mean well and it was only my mother that was the problem. They're not off their rocker or anything, but my mum was incredibly controlling back when I lived under her roof to the degree of not letting me shower by myself or wash my own hair until I was 15-ish
>15ish
Girl, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that is "off her rocker". Like, that's the kind of shit child services would get involved in.

>>178635
I meant otherwise.
I don't really talk to her much aside from courtesy calls once a month, and I don't really want to think of her as crazy because that'd freak me out to the degree of never wanting to have kids myself for fear of treating them the same. So no, she isn't, not to me.

>>178636
I think you'd have a better chance of not becoming like your mom if you acknowledge the problem instead of pretending it's ok-ish.

>>178638
How am I pretending it's ok-ish if I don't even talk to the woman outside of Christmas? Do you seriously think you know exactly what I think about her just because I posted one little morsel of information on an anonymous forum without even telling the whole story?

>>178619
Where is the OP image from?

>>178640
It's from a movie called Mommie Dearest.

>>178639
Different anon, but you were downplaying an abusive act in your original post then when it was pointed out that it wasn't okay, you proceeded to say you couldn't think of her as crazy because it would fuck with you. Even if you don't see the behavior as "okayish", you aren't quite aware of the severity of it. Which is normal for people in such situations.

>Do you still have a relationship with them?Why or why not?
I try to distance myself as far as possible. My mother is a PTSD trigger for me. Last time I saw her, I ended up driving away from a wedding I drove 6 hours for, because I kept having panic attacks. I want to go NC, but my SO thinks its cruel.
My father is as fake as a piece of paper. He 'lived' with us until I graduated HS. Had a blatant affair and dipped with chick when I moved out of the house. Leaving my mother to live in a house to be foreclosed upon because he had refinanced to pay off CC debt. Fled the county to double dip dat sweet retirement money. Makes Facebook appearances when he can seem like a 'dad'.
>Do you get irrationally angry at people who >agree with you when you're talking about >how horrible they are?
No, not really. I've been around people who've had issues within their families, but it was mostly alcoholism. So I assumed everyone's families aren't perfect.

>Do you feel envious or resentful toward >your friends with good parents?
Surprisingly, I've only encountered this for the first time recently. I used to rage internally when I heard about friends who's parents care, pay for their college, is helping them out financially. But after a while, I find it refreshing to see people who come from good families. They seem genuinely happy, everyone deserves to be happy.

>Do those people sometimes come off as tone deaf because they haven't experienced horrible parents?

Absofuckinglutely.

>>178639
God why do some anons on /ot immediately explode if they don't like an answer. I worded it badly. We could have resolved this misunderstanding. How do you know from one little morsel of information on an anonymous forum that I think I know exactly what you think about her? (pro tip: I don't)

>>178643
Exactly what I meant. Thanks for wording it more adequately.

OP here- I started this thread because most people I know have bad parents and I find it interesting (and sometimes depressing) how different people handle it.

Like, my fiance, for example. His parents are loving, but among other things, disgustingly negligent when it comes to his mental health issues (they have literally accused me of lying that he has any in the first place) and his mom is controlling to the point where clearly there is something deeply wrong with her (she flat out told him that by getting married, he was choosing me over her and he shouldn't get married until she's ready for him to… He's a 23 yo college graduate and we've been together 3 years, and that's not the worst example I have regarding her). He's had no real problem cutting them out of his life and has spoken to her once since August. Not even really by choice, she came unannounced.

But then I have a friend who keeps a close family with her psychotic Christian family who blamed her for being raped and wouldn't even attend their own son's wedding (gay). I also know a kid who still has a relationship with his father, even though said father raped his sisters. I know many kids who maintain relationships after being physically abused by their parents, in two cases sexually. It's very distressing to be aware of.

But then I get yelled at if when someone's going on about their mommy/daddy issues, I agree with them that their parents are fucked up. I've also dealt with hardcore envy over my relationship with my parents (two people even friend dumped me over it). It's very interesting from a psychological perspective, but also very depressing.

I emancipated at 15 and only see my mother at family events. She's basically all of cluster B personality disorders rolled into one small woman. Never physical, but extremely psychologically abusive and a prize winning gaslighter.

She got knocked up at 29 to my (then 18 year old) birth father and raised me up to think he was the villain.

Isolated us, forbade me from talking about her to all my therapists and doctors unless I said 'she helped me a lot and is my best friend'
Refused to get the testing recommended repeatedly to diagnose my developmental disorder. (PDD-NOS)

She knew I was purging multiple times a day as a teenager, didn't react other than to encourage me to diet.
Took me to the dentist three times in my life despite all of us having hereditarily shitty, demineralising teeth.
Generally just a selfish, blamey, tantrum throwing bitch. My grandmother hasn't been dead a full 24 hours before mum came to me to cry about how grandma had never taught her how to argue and how awful they were for adopting her.

Nobody's ever really defended her to me other than my grandma, but I've never been upset about someone acknowledging that she's sort of evil.

I used to get bitter over happy families and people not understanding how bad it is to endure that sort of abuse but I realised that it's useless to be upset about something being the way it's supposed to be. My fiancées family is normal as can be, and I love spending time with them because it feels like what I think I family is supposed to feel like. It's okay to be hungry and eat or to start a conversation with someone with my inlaws and it's still strange, but it's good.

I attach really hard to mother figures in my life. Certain teachers, nurses, rehab staff, and friends parents all kind of provided the mothering I missed which probably helped a lot with managing.

>>178619
>Do you still have a relationship with them? Why or why not?
Nope, not because I didn't try though. My father was a monster to me growing up. Not going to get into details but moved out the house early, and years later wanted to see if I could fix my relationship with him. Nope, he was still horrible and even broke my arm. I knew then that I could never have a normal relationship with him, and I'll hopefully never talk to him again.
>o you get irrationally angry at people who agree with you when you're talking about how horrible they are?
Maybe I don't understand the question, but no?
>Do you feel envious or resentful toward your friends with good parents?
Resentful, no. But I do feel envious. I'm very much a 'family matters' person but I don't really have family. I never knew my grandparents or aunts or uncles and my mother passed away, all I have is my shitty father. It's a paradoxical kinda feel.

>Do you still have a relationship with them? Why or why not?
Yeah, I'm still living with them while I go to school. My mom and I butt heads a LOT and it's extremely annoying listening to her delusions (she thinks the FBI has our house bugged and is routinely hacking our electronics kek) and my dad is generally okay but he's super homophobic (he actually said "I hope he died of AIDS" when George Michael died) and is just generally the super-fragile-masculinity type. At this point in my life I'd rather be living with them than on my own, though I'm looking into moving out as soon as a certain debt of mine is paid off.

Do you get irrationally angry at people who agree with you when you're talking about how horrible they are?
I don't think so? I don't really understand this question tbh.

Do you feel envious or resentful toward your friends with good parents?
YES. I had this one friend in high school that was constantly complaining about her mom, who was the most regular vanilla upper middle class 50-year-old woman I'd ever met. The things she complained about were things like "Oh my god my mom is making me go on vacation with her" "My mom keeps asking to meet my boyfriend ugh!". It was all so mundane and at the time I was really secretive about how shitty my mom was so I'd just laugh along and pretend to understand how she could be annoyed at things like that when my mom hit me and would refuse to speak to me for days at a time over trivial bullshit. Generally I'm not resentful of people just because they have good parents, only the ones who are super cavalier about how good they have it (although I know that's really basic stuff to complain about in high school and like I said, she didn't really know how bad I had it).

>>178657
forgot to properly greentext sry

>Do you still have a relationship with them? Why or why not?

I still have a relationship with my mom, she's very supportive and loving despite the physical and (mostly) emotional/psychological abuse she caused along with collaborating with my stepfather for said cause. Nowadays she's gotten (sorta) better after realizing how bad she treated me and understood the reason for my mental disorders…in her own way ("at least you didn't have it as bad as I did, my mom was way worse (physically) to me, big deal!"). As for my stepdad, he's an even bigger pos and a master manipulator; he deserves no relationship, only forgiveness as I no longer wish to carry hatred inside my heart. He never liked me because I wasn't his kid and forced my biological father to never contact with me due to jealousy towards my mom (to this day, I never spoke to my real father and don't really know who he really is) 20 years ago. He was also sexually abusive (molestation-wise) both physically and mentally to the point that I'm still scared of being completely alone with him and always keep my guard up. Most of the time I pretend he does not exist in my world (perception), it kinda helps.

>Do you get irrationally angry at people who agree with you when you're talking about how horrible they are?

When I first spilled the beans to my therapists about my home life I felt like I betrayed them, like I stabbed them in the back. I also get depressed after talking about what went/goes down between us whenever chances come up with said therapists.

Honestly, if it weren't for the constant triggers, flashbacks and nightmares of the abuse, I wouldn't even speak about it and pretend that it never happened like I used to do and attend therapy just so I can get medication and leave like I've done for the past three years (my mom forced me to go anyway, she saw something was mentally wrong with me and wanted to be fixed along with mooching off them).

Though I am very thankful for my current therapist, she helped me realize a lot!

>Do you feel envious or resentful toward your friends with good parents?

I was mostly recentful for the material things they had and wish I had all those things (Internet/MySpace, cellphones, iPods, etc…) except we could only afford cable (if it were my other siblings (if they were teenagers like I was back then) asking for these things, they'd give it to them in a heartbeat.

I didn't have my first mobile phone till I was 22.

>>178698

Forgot to mention I've been seeing therapists for a very long time and I was ordered not to snitch on our home life so CPS/child services wouldn't come after our "perfect family".

I currently live with my parents despite my house being a huge PTSD trigger for me now but am working on it with my therapist.

Do you still have a relationship with them? Why or why not?

Yes, because neither one of us have a lot going on for us, and it has been drilled very deep in my head that as a "normal adult" and a daughter I need to help her out and I owe it to her. It's not so bad since I moved out though, dealing with her is only annoying now (no panic attacs anymore!)

Do you get irrationally angry at people who agree with you when you're talking about how horrible they are?

Only time I trusted an adult was When I was 10, I casually mentioned a relative about my suicide plans… No reaction. 10 years later she told me she had felt really bad for me because she knew how horrible my mom is. And that she's very happy that I finally got out of the situation. She was the only adult I trusted growing up and her attitude made it clear that I should never tell anyone about my struggles :/ Still bitter about that!

Do you feel envious or resentful toward your friends with good parents?

When I was younger, I thought that I had it worse than anybody I knew, but I didn't think it was so bad I could get help. I blame my mom for everything, I don't want to be negative towards anyone else lol. I don't know about anyones family life and I don't really even want to, since I try my hardest to get over my past. Too personal!

>Do you still have a relationship with them? Why or why not?
No, the short of it is that I'd never be able to be happy or live my own life if I did, and they don't deserve it anyways.

>Do you get irrationally angry at people who agree with you when you're talking about how horrible they are?
When I was younger and still living under their roof, yes sorta, it was conditional, now, no. I was all sorts of fucked up back then though. I understand the dynamics of abuse better now so I understand why I was that way even though I'm different now. I won't defend my mindset back then, but I know I was the way I was because I was doing my best to cope with and survive a shitty situation.

>Do you feel envious or resentful toward your friends with good parents?
A little bit, but in the same way I'm envious of naturally beautiful people or very rich people, I don't let it take over my life or ruin relationships or anything.