/ot/ - off-topic

>>170167
Leave if you want to leave stay if you want to stay.
>I'm not doing anything with my life
What do you mean?

>>170168
I know that's pretty simple but my real hang up is the reasoning - I don't want to leave for an overinflated reason which I suppose may be silly.

and by not doing anything with my life, i mean not going to college (although they cant pay for it so i dont know why thats ever a complaint toward me), or generally doing anything very productive that they want like calligraphy. Which I find stupid but c'est la vie.

>>170169
To be honest no offense but if you admit that you are not doing anything with your life you should fix it because no one wants to have a child that does not try to succeed in life. Like its shit that your parents treat you shit but I'm sure that they are just disappointed that you have not succeeded in life like your parents (I assume they are poor?) Get a part time job, I am not sure how things work in your country but I think you can get a student loan/any other alternative option? Is there a program in college that is free in your country?
Believe me I was just like you raised in poverty and I did have fights with my mother about silly things because I distracted myself from real problems..Now everything is so much better because I'm in uni right now and I have a part time job.
Btw dont do things you dont want to do. But do something productive, and its not for your parents its for you!

I wish you all the best!

>>170170
Well, the thing is they have specific rules in place that tend to exclude doing these things.

As an example, they don't want me to use their cars to drive (don't reust me not to crash it/are not comfortable in the car with me driving). I've suggested riding the bus but my mom it very against it ("poor people ride the bus etc etc."). Again, they are also against student loans due to their families experience with them. Doing these things aginst their wishes is a find idea but they will inevitably wnd up in abuse of some sort.

Also, I am not actually poor - or in poverty. My parents make well over $100k - it's just that they spend very frivously and all the money from last year is gone already.

I wouldike to do things with my life, however there are very few options where my parents would be happy with - college would be fantastic, but taking a loan would be seen as "disrespect," and "fighting them," and it just wouldn't bode well.

This is why I am heavily considering leaving - there aren't many options I can take here without causing an altercation.

>>170170
I apologize, by the way, if I sounded rude. I just was a bit bothered by when it seemed like you were projecting since I never mentioned individual relationships with either of my parents about, arguing about "silly" or serious things. It just seemed like a very large amount of assumptions.

My situation does not quite sound like yours, from your description.

You should've really posted this in an advice thread but hey ho. Number one, your parents are PHYSICALLY abusive to you. There is 0 excuse for that and you "doing nothing with your life" isn't an excuse for them to hit/hurt you. You sound like you're internalising what they're telling you and u need to take a step back and think about it logically; if your friend was being verbally and physically abused and started saying they deserved it would you believe them?
Number two, your last post just sounds like you're making excuses as to why you don't want to leave them "my parents make fun of me if I want to get the bus!" like and what? you're 20. either shit or get off the pot. its hard when your parents are abusive but you recognise that they are abusive so your next step is moving far away from that abuse and living your life as your OWN independent person.

>"I read something somewhere that parents gave no reason to coddle their children when they are doing something bad for themselves
..What? What does this even mean? This is retarded. No. Leave. Parents should support you no matter what your career/life choices - or at the very least, not abuse you for it lmao. You're 20, you're not meant to have life figured out. My parents lied and kept claiming me to get more gubmnt money which made it VERY hard for me to ~escape~ and live somewhere else, so don't let them get a chance to do that.

I rambled but I think moving away is best. Enjoy your 20's like a normal, securely attached child! And if you really hate it, you can always go back. You mayaswell have tried to make it on your own.

>>170173
The only advice thread I saw as a relationship advice thread - sorry I missed the other one.

When I was referring to them being upset about the bus, I really just mean it'll turn into a serious argument - yes, they'll think it's a poor people thing but by not listening to them about it, it would turn into "Why don't you respect us enough to listen to us?" and thus, a fight of sorts. If they were just going to be rude, it wouldn't be a big deal. I deal with that with clothing decisions, lol.

Thanks for the advice. I keep going back and forth on what I should do and keep ending up on the idea that everything is fine and dandy, but, clearly it's not.

>>170172
Its ok, I did not mean saying that your fights were silly or meaningless I was just saying that mine were. I mean back then they felt so serious and necessary but now that I have succeeded..I feel so dumb. Sorry for assuming things I probably misread a lot of things. I btw do understand that they physically abuse you but like I said I assumed that you are poor and I actually did want to say that you should leave but…where would a girl with no money go? Since I know now that you are not poor then the only thing you can do is to just leave I guess.
As for the accommodation thing is it reasonable to ride on a cheap bicycle for you?

>>170174
I hear what you're saying. Apologies for misunderstanding. Have you ever heard of r/raisedbynarcissists? It's a leddit board but it has really useful advice and could help you, especially when you move out and start to heal and reflect upon things.

From what you're saying, I think its best to move out and try and go low contact with them. You need to live life for you, not as your parents scapegoat and/or personal punching bag.

I think if you take a step back and kindof walk through everything, you're trying to say its okay and you can live with them but then also you've came to somewhere anonymous to get advice and support and admitted they're abusive and want to move out. I'd really explore that in depth with yourself, its like you know the way you're being treated isn't right and want to change, its just scary and seems impossible. Doubly so when your self esteem has been knocked down so much. Do you have any friends or family members you can live with for a while? Do a Venus and escape to live your kawaii dreams~

>>170173
>you can always go back
Go back where? Her parents? …

>>170175
It's alright! I didn't take it offensively at all, I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

I do have some money saved up - not a lot but around $10,000 and some change. I was thinking of moving in with an old friend of mine, since they offered, but they live across the country now - but it'd be a safe place to go, though a very long trip…

>>170176
No, no need to apologize - I wasn't super clear.

I've never heard of it but I'll check it out - thanks. And I actually was just typing about that, ha.

I have an old friend who has invited me to stay with them but they live very far away, but I don't really have any reason to stay in state besides familiarity, honestly.

Venus' story always makes me so sad, not even gonna lie. I used to make fun of her, and she is still pretty strange, but I empathize with her a lot.

>>170178
I'm the anon that mistaked you for a poorfag.
I-I hope thats enough. If you are staying with your friend definitely look for a job in that area immediately and do something you want to do! Just posting again to wish you good luck again! Update us please!

$10,000 in savings is a hell of a lifeline and people typically move out with much, much less. If you are thrifty and find work quickly you should be quite all right. That 10k will help you start your home off (paying for rental deposits, purchasing your first car + lessons if needed, buying a mattress because those are expensive) and should buy you a little time to find a job that isn't dogshit terrible.

Don't let anyone know you have that much saved off and don't spend it all right away.

If it seems like I am talking too much about financial particulars that is because it is the most pressing part of moving out and it seems like you have a lifeline in place. I would recommend you move with your friend too.