/ot/ - off-topic

I'm sure he'd rather hear it from you than from some random friend

In the first momth of my relationship (3 years running) I told my s/o about everything. I felt like he had a right to know since I plan on spending all my time with him. Go ahead and do it, its healthy to share in a relationship

I try to never tell my partners about my past relationships and vice versa. I dont want to hear about my partner's exes, unless he was friends with them.

In my opinion, it depends on how serious the relationship is/will be.

I recommend telling your partner about any unprotected sex you've had, any STDs, any pregnancies and stuff like that.

I've been in your shoes, OP. I had to ditch by ex-FWB/friend because he started acting like a bitch when I got a bf.

Tell your SO and severely reduce contact with the FWB. It sounds like the ex-FWB is getting pissy and passive aggressive because he doesn't have you to give him sexual attention anymore, and he will just be dead weight to you as he's obviously not a real friend.

>>162263
this. It creates jealousy, anxiety, and tension. Ive learned the hard way. My relationship was strong for a year, then I found out his taste in women and that he has actually slept around when he said he didn't. It also came up that he didn't think we were dating until a few weeks after we had had sex for the first time when I had thought we were dating for a couple of weeks.

Not to mention he showed me his ex who does nude modeling. It is a pretty invasive thought for me, even months later. I've been cheated on before, many times, so it makes me nervous. God, I feel uncomfortable thinking about it

>>162265
You're definitely right. It's pretty depressing because I thought we were good friends aside from the sexual stuff, but I guess not.

Generally jealous guy here. It'd bug me if I knew someone I know had fucked you, probably a lot. I'd feel more weird though if you hadn't said this:

>Our relationship as fwb was pretty tame, as we only sexted here and there; never anything physical,

I'd still feel lousy if it were my best bro or something, but without physical contact, honestly, meh. Mostly because sexting fucking sucks. Unless you guys were going at it for like 3 years, and I think the dude is likely to be thinking "oh yeah I know she loves to eat man ass bruh" when he sees me, it's not so bad.

>>162268
I see. My s/o and my ex-fwb used to be close friends, but like I said my ex-fwb is going through this downward spiral and becoming really shitty so they aren't close at all anymore. I wonder if it would be better to tell him now that they aren't close anymore rather than if they were?

I think it's only necessary if it's relevant to something else, otherwise you can tell them if you want but don't have to. My ex was pretty curious about it and I told him that I didn't have any experience and he got that weird kind of "oh so I'm the first to defile you" or something weird like that. He was by and large a bit of a manslut and would tell me that I looked like a few of his exes or about all the different kind of girls he had fucked before and shit like that and that made me super uncomfortable. Whenever we got into a disagreement it would usually end with him becoming nonchalant and indicating "I don't need you I'll just find some other chick to fuck". Suffice to say it didn't last and ended pretty badly.

My current bf only had a gf for like a month before she fucked off without a word so doesn't really have a frame of reference which I find reassuring. It's probably reassuring to him that my one and only ex was a massive douchebag and I hate him now.

>>162270
Ahh, your ex sounds like a total creep. I hope things continue to go well for you! And I see what you mean. Everyone is different, so not everyone takes things the same way. Some people might get uncomfortable while others might not care as much. But I feel like you were completely right to feel uncomfortable about it, with how gratuitously your ex would mention past relationships/experiences. Laying on information like that too thick is a bad idea.

>>162270
To clarify: I think "necessary if it's relevant" kind of applies in OPs case (though normally I would just say mention you had one but not the person) but if you're that worried that the fwb is going to do something shitty to try and upset the relationship, just tell your s/o who it was. It's not unusual for friends to date within friend groups anyway. or, idk, have a talk with the fwb and ask wtf his deal is.

>>162271
Thanks, and yeah, he was very charismatic (I guess he'd have to be to fuck that many women) but a huge asshole. I also believe how you word your relationships can influence how your current s/o will feel about it. I completely understand that a person I'm interested in will have any number of experiences before I came into the picture, and honestly if he worded them more tactfully it probably wouldn't have bothered me much. It was almost always unsolicited as well. You should probably just wait for the person to ask you about your exes unless you have something in particular you really need to get straight, then do so at the beginning of a relationship, before it gets too late. I was perfectly fine not knowing that you "accidentally" fucked a trap/transwoman because you were in such a rush to have sex you didn't even check if the "girl" had a penis or not. I didn't really need to know that but you told me anyway.

i think its unhealthy to pretend your SO has never been attracted to/kissed/fooled around with/fucked, another person. i think a conversation about past relationships is healthy after a few weeks of dating.