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No. 142454
File: 1444537733114.jpg (298.46 KB, 1750x2500, adult-pineapple-costume.jpg)
>>142453well, Ive been getting alot of pineapple in my diet over the last month. Like at least one glass of juice or a plate of fresh pineapple each day.
Anyway, my boyfriend was eating me out the other day and asked if I had been drinking alot of pineapple juice, because my vag tasted like "pineapple and kush".
I laughed because I thought he was just being nice, then I remembered.
So basically, eat more pineapple
No. 142455
I'm in a LDR. A while ago (like two years ago) I met a guy, Joe, and we slept together once, the same day we met, then he moved away and I moved out of the country to study abroad (where I met my bf). We basically barely know each other and will only occasionally post things about comics or cartoons on each others facebook walls. My bf knows about him and we often make jokes about how we should have a threesome with him and whatnot (he happens to be super attractive and my bf is somewhat bi/heteroflexible).
Anyway, for the past few weeks I've been having these really vivid, detailed sex fantasies about Joe, like all the time. I think about seeing him again and all these details about what would happen… Am I a bad person? I feel guilty about this. I wouldn't want to leave my bf for this guy, obviously, and I know that fantasies are normal, but the sheer volume and frequency is what's worrying me.
No. 142460
>>142459you cant
let the time run its course
if i was you id ditch him tho tbh, the whole ''my exes fucked me up i dont wanna date anymore'' it always just seems to me like they arent over their exes completely
No. 142464
File: 1444813211347.png (125.02 KB, 411x432, a15d905e5ad8b1f54683ac46c1bf8d…)
How exactly do you meet people? I've only been in one "relationship" and I don't know how to flirt or anything. I'm also afraid that 1.) They'll be taken, 2.) I'm not good enough for them and they publicly humiliate me or 3.) I sperg out and humiliate myself. I'm also a bit bi-curious but I'm not sure how I can find a qt girl that's also interested in girls. Any tips and advice?
No. 142465
>>142464This is how I met my three ex partners.
> First boyfriend I met when I just moved back to my home country. I went to my one guy friends other guy friends house so they could play games. One guy offered to help me out while I was trying to fix some problems I had with my phone. A week later I was thinking of making new friends and decided that guy was nice and so I asked my friend his name and added him on fb. We flirted on there and then met up at his house to watch movies and then my first romance was born.
>Second boyfriend was a childhood friend. I met him after moving back at out mutual friends wedding. We later started texting each other again and then we met up and the second romance was born.>Third romance was actually born on tinder of all places. My friend made me a tinder so she could find guys to hang out with us at a bar. She thought I had more a more 'conventional' look to get guys so she talked to them using my tinder. When I got home I wanted to play around with it and out of all the guys one talked to me and I actually got interested in him. We met up and then started dating.Tl;dr Internet helps. Tbh I just live in a shitty town with not much youth happenings. I also went to a night school. So I didn't meet men around my age on a daily basis. I'm sure I could have a romance at work and ect but it just hasn't happened like that yet.
No. 142466
>>142465I'll add how they ended just so it's not discouraging.
>Fist boyfriend was, well a first boyfriend. I didn't really know what I wanted neither did he. So we broke up.>Second was a dream relationship until he went to the army. Seeing him so seldom after living together was too difficult. So it ended.>Third got a job in my town for the summer so we lived together. Unconventional work time tables meant we couldn't spend a lot of time together which isn't what I'm looking for. So we broke up.All the relationships in themselves were great. The last two just didn't work out since lifestyle choices made having a relationship difficult on one end or another. No problem with the actual relationship, just not enough 'time' to juggle it.
No. 142467
File: 1447051191684.jpg (111.45 KB, 850x477, IMG_0143.JPG)
Well this is probably the best place to ask, I've asked friends about this but, idk I feel like friends tell you what you want to hear. Though, they are probably right as this is just a stupid question.
I am 22, I like a guy who is 18 turning 19 this month. Am I retarded for worrying about this? I always have believed in not dating people around that age due to people changing a lot. I didn't mean for this to happen though. I mean I might also might be trying to find excuses to not go through with meeting him in RL soon. It's really uncommon for me to even like someone in the first place so this is just all strange to me.
I just want to see some unbiased opinions i guess.
No. 142469
File: 1447121480631.jpg (25.46 KB, 500x400, iwry.jpg)
>>142468Thanks for the words, I think I was just insecure because I don't see it very often being older as the girl.
Not like it really matters though, as I got pretty rekt last night by him, apparently he is thinking about his ex so, we can't continue talking like we have been.
I haven't really cried like that sober in a long time, I usually don't allow myself to admit I like someone, I just told him a few days ago I liked him and this happened. He did like me also, before I even liked him.
I'm pretty sure I'm cursed, every time I like someone they end up stop liking me or used me.
No. 142471
File: 1447160137524.gif (383.38 KB, 500x281, ae3wq2efqwe.gif)
>>142469As long as there are similar interests I don't think it'll be too noticeable. Just future thought if you end up liking someone a little younger again.
It sounds like the situation isn't possible anyways though. It's better you don't get involved with someone who is still hung up over an ex. Sorry your feelings got hurt anon but at least you learned about it sooner instead of being more invested.
No. 142472
File: 1447233075990.jpg (80.96 KB, 600x567, IMG_0173.JPG)
>>142471I really told him off, I asked him bluntly, "Is there any chance for us?" and I got a cruel answer of "Yeah of course, just not now, or in the foreseeable future i can gauge"
If you really liked/cared for someone how could you say something so cruel? I had a friend help me write a good message to tell him off because I always come off too nicely. 2 hours later and he hasn't even replied, I will probably delete him by tomorrow.
No. 142476
>>142474Advice from someone close to your age who's boyfriend is ~13 years older:
Definitely have him meet your family. No amount of you explaining is going to change their perspective until they actually meet him. If your worried about your boyfriends feelings, talk to him beforehand, let him know the situation. A few years down the line, your age difference will be something almost no one will ever notice.
However, considering it's something that's a problem at the moment, I hope you've been able to speak with him about it. If you're embarrassed to bring it up with him, ask yourself why. If you're nervous to let him meet your mom and sister, ask yourself why. Hell, if after meeting your family and your mom still doesn't like him, be prepared to step back.
When you're caught up in a relationship it's hard to see all the obvious details, even if you think you're being introspective and shit. Yeah, "parents aren't always right", but you gotta give them some credit, especially considering how much you seem to seek their approval/blessing.
No. 142478
>>142477I'll be honest with you, I definitely fudged my boyfriend's age. I told them he was 8~9 years older than me instead of 13. I figured single digits would soften the blow, and he looks really young for his age anyway.
Although I'm thinking thinking maybe my parents are a little more accepting of him because they met him first, and only my mom and stepmom asked about ages. My mom didn't mind because she hated my ex, and my stepmom apparently thinks we have the perfect age difference. Sorry I'm not much help in that department haha, but I did struggle with letting them know about his age before they ever met.
No. 142481
File: 1447380229027.jpg (98.29 KB, 500x575, tumblr_n3h777DgTV1s00573o1_500…)
>>142473Not gonna lie, I'm actually struggling now not to message him, I was just super content knowing we talked everyday. Now I feel so jumbled and I don't know what to do. I've been trying to distract myself but it's hard. I've gotten drunk 5 nights in a row now.
I feel so pathetic that I would want to talk to someone who treated me this way, but this is honestly the first time I've felt something real for someone in years.
Even in public I struggle with the though, was getting my hair done and had to hold back tears. I feel like I'm really over reacting, but I seriously can't control myself.
No. 142483
File: 1447538518754.jpg (45.52 KB, 500x346, 9b04cce38a3331546c57e0a52606b6…)
Alright cows this is my story
>Be with bf for a super long time
>love him so much
>I kind of have trust issues, didn't like him hanging out with guy friends (because they do illegal things) and I also get sad easily sometimes, and I always want him with me
>him on other hand, gets annoyed and rolls his eyes whenever i cry, ignores me, doesn't care half the time, is bored whenever I talk to him
>also he's lied to me
>whenever im happy he doesn;t care, but when im in a bad mood he makes fun of me or is perky
>makes fun of me despite me asking him to stop saying things that hurt my feelings
>why do I still love him
>But i guess we both have some problems
>break up
>I fall into depression
>we have deep conversations about how we both realize we did things wrong
>feels
>ily bby i'll change I miss you
>we start dating again
>it's only been 2 days but I already feel like things haven't changed
I feel like I'd be less of a "crybaby" if he just wasn't a jerk when I was sad. If he was happy with me, or comforted me a bit. I try to be happy and cheery but I just can't it's so hard for me when he isn't even caring. I love him, I wish he just cared. I wish we could both be happy
No. 142484
>>142483Fuck him, anon.
I promise you someone who actually cares about you would not treat you that way.
It's easier for you to call yourself a crybaby than it is to admit that he's just being a douche.
No. 142486
>>142485>>142484Thanks you guys. I'm so confused. Even my friends agree with you guys, and I know you aren't wrong, but part of me is just.. scared. I'm scared i'll regret it, and im scared he'll spread rumors (not trying to sound like a 12 year old here, but I actually am.)
when we broke up he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. those people, first of all, have never liked me (bullied me, called me "dominatrix" because I wanted to spend lots of time with bf, continued until I got cops involved. And no, bf didn't do anything about it.)
so yes, wrong crowd. I'm scared if I break up with him he'll be super shitty and like spread rumors or post nudes or some shit like that.
No. 142487
>>142486Me again. This is going to sound pathetic but he's the best I've had.
My ex (before him) was an actual neckbeard I was in an LDR with.
By bf was my first kiss, my first everything we almost went all the way. I talked about the bad but we have good too. When we're alone, he's so nice. Like when we're alone at his place he's supper lovey dove and that's why I stay.. but now my friend thinks it's because he wants to get into my fucking pants
No. 142488
>>142487Don't put out, anon.
Sounds like an abusive relationship to me, there's a lot of red flags. Also if your nudes get leaked there's plenty of internet resources to have them taken down. Was your face in any of them?
No. 142489
>>142483Are you dating a redpiller? Some red flags waving here.
(look it up if you don't know what I mean: reddit.com/r/theredpill)
No. 142490
>>142488>>142489My face isn't in any of them, but I feel like people would believe him if he went around telling people it was me. But you're right, I forgot about those sites that help you take them down and stuff, thank you! Atleast there's that
And oh lord.. red piller. Honestly I wouldn't be too surprised If he's been on that subreddit before
No. 142493
>>142482Thank you, sadly I did break and message him. I didn't say completely what happened before which is why I was going crazy wanting to message, I was taking hard advice from a friend, he said the message I wrote out was "too friendly" and typed me something different, I literally copy pasted what he said, I think it sat wrong with me badly the next couple days.
Now I'm just in a position where I like someone who won't actively "pursue me" I feel a little better like this I suppose then I did before as I'm not just crying all day. but am I just setting myself up for more heartbreak? He assures me he still likes me, but he doesn't reply much to me which of course makes me anxious. I decided last night I will not even try to initiate conversation with him unless he comes to me. I think the worst part of all of this was I was doing okay being alone before this, when I started liking him it reminded me what it felt like to…uh, "feel" things.
I just have a feeling he will really stop liking me and I will have to deal with the hurt again and losing a friend. I know it's shitty to drop someone who basically friendzoned you, but I think with my history of bad mental health (near BPD like things with guys) it would be best not put myself through that.
I wish I could have one healthy relationship in my life. All my past ones have been horrible and have left me relationship trash material.
No. 142494
>>142483Does he have mental problems?
Is it really his fault if you have depression? just go seek a therapist. you sound weak.
you two werent made to be together. simple
No. 142496
>>142495Why are thirdworlders so fucking barbaric when it comes to mental health and emotional abuse smdh
(I'm assuming this from your grammar and attitude, reminds me a lot of how my seanigger family acts)
No. 142497
File: 1447839852639.gif (18.94 KB, 90x90, tumblr_inline_ney19mQJA21sqo44…)
I feel pretty bad lately about my relationship. I hope I'm not being an awful wife. I dont know anyone that has the same thing happening, and google only goes to the extreme, so all I'm going off of is how I really feel. Here is the situation.
> Fall in love with a very manly man. (6'5", hairy, personality is manly, muscular)
> Marry him after 3 years of dating.
> About 7 months into marriage, he comes to me and says that he loves women's panties
> I'm like "well most men do lol"
> He explains that he wants to wear them. He "always has since he was a little kid"
> Im shocked. I was raised in a very conservative family and location, but he is the love of my life, so I tell him its ok. "You cant help what you're into" I say.
> Next time I do laundry I find so many fucking panties that he had bought. Almost all from victoria's secret.
> Pissed off because we are poor and now he has more panties than I do.
> Internalize my pain.
> Cry on the inside when he wants to get intimate, because he is always wearing stupid fucking panties.
> Do it anyways.
> Feel more anger/resentment building up inside.
Am I being unreasonable? He is still the love of my life, but I cannot just get my mind around this. Its been a few of months now since he has told me, and I still get upset over it. I usually adapt to things very quickly and easily, but I cannot seem to wrap my mind around this. I am so afraid that he is going to come out as trans, or even want to dress like a girl in public. Do you guys think this is the start of a transition? I've asked him about it and he said no, but he also holds secrets, and my gut doesn't trust this. Sorry if this is all scrambled. My mind has been all over the place since he told me.
No. 142498
>>142497I feel so bad for you. This is one of my biggest fears that my partner would come out as trans. I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think he should have been upfront about this panty wearing fetish from the start of your relationship. And it is a fetish, from the sounds of it. The thing about a fetish is that you don't NEED to live with it or even engage with it.
I'd tell him how you feel about it. That it frustrates you that he's spending money you don't have and suggest that perhaps he only wear them when he's go time to himself and not when you're being intimate. I feel you, though. I don't think you're in the wrong at all. You're attracted to him because he's a man and he's displaying a feminine way of dress and it weirds you out; it would me as well.
No. 142501
File: 1447862760274.gif (590.78 KB, 165x115, 1439430584337.gif)
Hey hey. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We were good friends before we dated so we get along really well and we're pretty serious about each other. His family is really warm and kind, something I'm not used to with my parents divorced for awhile and my dad being really abusive. My boyfriend is close with his older sister, which I found nice since I don't have the best relationship with my brother. His sister and I were friendly with each other initially, and I thought she was pretty nice and sweet. We bonded over makeup and cats and I was happy to make friends with her. My boyfriend had told me before that she dealed with mental illness and I could sympathize as I deal with my own. But recently, I feel more and more that she might be somewhat of an unhealthy influence? She expressed wanting to watch steven u before. Boif and I watched it together on our own and she implicitly told bf that she was bitter that we watched it without her when she was totally welcome to join us. Then, I was buying tickets for a con and decided to treat bf and her because I thought it would be a nice gesture. She went with us and was miserable the whole time and made the experience not fun. And now, she's hanging out with her junkie exbf that I used to be friends with, even though we shitalked him and called him a fuckboy a month ago. It also seems like she's ignoring me lately and really needy for my bf's attention. What should I do? Is it my business to say anything in the first place? She's his family and has been around since before me, so I'm afraid to bring this up with him.
Tl;dr I feel like my boyfriend's sister might fuck up our relationship due to her clinginess and jealousy. Advice? Similar experiences?
No. 142502
>>142497You're not being unreasonable. You're not into a guy in panties. But did you ever tell him that? Did you let him think it was OK so he went and bought a ton of panties thinking you were OK with it? If he bought all the panties knowing you weren't OK with it, that's one thing, but you can't expect shit to go your way if you never say anything.
But as I said here
>>142500 wanting to wear panties or any women's clothes and being trans are not the same thing. A lot more men than you may realize get off on wearing women's panties or even clothes and it's not a trans thing. It's usually a submission and humiliation thing, or because they're "not supposed to be doing it."
No. 142504
>>142497Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable Anon.
I'm not trying to be harsh but at the end of the day what undergarments he chooses to wear on account of how they make him feel is entirely separate from the core of your relationship and shouldn't really even be an issue.
My boyfriend is the same, tall, strapping, masculine, cheekbones you could slice yourself on /sploosh.
We've been together 9 years now so we might as well be married but about 6 years ago he came out to me and confessed that although he is competely straight and loves being male, he finds it arousing to occasionally wear women's garments and be dominated by me.
I completely accepted this and now we have a suitcase for him filled with panties and knee-highs and a few bodices, amongst other things, but do you know what would have happened if I'd cringed and acted repulsed? He would have withdrawn away from me and that reaction would have forever been imprinted in his mind and caused a huge rift between us. He might have not ever opened up to me about anything again for fear of me shaming him.
Can you imagine if your hubby came to you and told you that for years he's despised you wearing jeans because they're for men and that they make you look stupid and masculine and that he only wants you to wear to skirts and dresses because they're designed for women?
If you really, REALLY did love him your be able to accept this aspect of him.
You know for him to even come out and admit this in the first place, he must have been really scared and ashamed. This just shows how much he loves you Anon.
I want to ask, have you actually asked your husband the core reason as to why he likes women's underwear? Because for my boyfriend it's a case of IRL he's this big, confident, assertive guy who always has to take charge and handle everything.
He has a lot of responsibilities in life, so the thing with the underwear and being dommed provides an outlet for him because every now and again he gets to lie back, be submissive, pretty and be controlled by another person for a change.
It's therapeutic as fuck for him; maybe it's the same for your husband?
No. 142505
>>142498This is legit the worst advice on this thread.
If she comes to her husband and tells him that he is going to feel ashamed, embarrassed and that his wife doesn't love him enough to be willing to try and accept every aspect of him and he will never, ever fully trust her again.
No. 142506
I've been having a hard time with my boyfriend recently,
He's been getting really paranoid recently and it's been weird between us since Halloween because he thought he saw me cheating on him, since then things just keep happening and he keeps getting paranoid, he went onto my facebook without permission to look through my messages.
I don't know if I want to be with him anymore, we've been together for a year and 2 months. He practically lives at my house because he lives so far away, I don't know what he would even do if I dumped him because his entire life evolves around me. He's being trying so hard this past week to make sure I know how much he loves me and it's making me feel sick more than anything. He never has any money either, I try my hardest not to be shallow, it's not that I'm mad because he can't buy me presents or anything, it's that every time I want to go out I'll have to pay for him as well and it's been like this for basically a year. I'm fed up…
We barely have sex anymore either cos I simply don't want to, it makes me feel really uncomfortable recently.
For the record, I've never cheated on him. And he gets paranoid because he's very self conscious. I can't make my mind up, sometimes I feel like I love him and then suddenly I hate him and I'm sick of him and it's been like this for like a month, so before Halloween. How can I be sure of how I feel?
No. 142507
>>142505 OP already said he was withholding something, clearly he didn't trust her enough to share it with her if it was such a pressing aspect of his personality.
Also nobody has to accept someone 1 million percent of the time. That's utterly ridiculous and you sound about 5 and clearly have never been married. If she keeps her feelings from him, it'll just be more resentment in the long run. Be honest in how you feel. Plus, spending money on frivolous shit is disrespectful.
No. 142509
>>142506He sounds like my ex (who I'm very glad to have dumped). My ex was also jealous and didn't trust me at all, because he had been cheated on in a previous relationship. I never did anything to break his trust in any way but he always suspected me of cheating and he would get mad at me if I as much as talked to my male collegues at work. His lack of trust in me made feel guilty all the time even though I never did anything wrong.
I eventually dumped him and he immidiately moved onto a new girl, who he also suspects of cheating all the time.
So yeah, in my experience jealousy and lack of trust destroys relationships. When someone has a self esteem so low they don't trust anyone, they seriously need therapy to learn to love themselves before getting into a relationship.
>>142497Be honest with him but try to be respectful too. Encourage him to be honest too. If it's just his fetish then tell him he's free to do it in private because you don't enjoy it. If it's something more, well, then you really should talk it over too. Honesty and communication is key.
No. 142510
>>142502I did let him know that it made me uncomfortable, and that I dont want to know every time he is wearing them. (Every day at this point) But I know you cant help what you're into, so I wasn't mean about it. Maybe I should have been more stern?
>>142504I've been trying to be as kind as I can be about it with him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I have asked him why, and he says its because they're more comfortable than mens undies. Which I get, I know they're rougher. My brain says understand and be accepting. My mind/gut tells be the opposite, though. idk I guess my body is retarded.
>>142509I've been trying to start a conversation about it, but every time I start he gets super defensive and mean. He has always been bad at being open and honest.
Do you have any ideas of how I can make him open up and maybe accept that I'm not into it, but still love him? He is so sensitive.
No. 142512
>>142511Don't fall hard, I know it's difficult and I've been in the same situation myself just recently with that whole beginnings of a new love and feeling absolutely gaga over him but slow down.
Try not to get too attached and think too much about him or daydream about the future. You won't know how he feels and pressing him for more before he's ready to give will only make you come off as needy and while SOME men like that, a vast majority who are in their 20s don't like that.
Just take it one day at a time. If something develops further, great, but don't tie your heart too much into him and try to not overthink.
No. 142513
>>142512How do I not fall so hard? any tips or ways you can advice me on? I honestly have no idea
by the way thank you so much, I think you 100% right I am just confused on how to go about it
No. 142514
>>142513Well, with my new guy I was getting a little anxious if I didn't get a text back or something within twenty mins and assuming the worse, but then I figured out how to distract myself. Read, play a game, talk to another one of my friends. If I'm preoccupied, I'm not thinking about him. Before I know it, it's been two hours and he's replied.
It's hard, hun. I know. Being in love or having those first signs of affection and feelings towards someone is so difficult sometimes because it feels nonsensical. It's great and terrible all at the same time.
No. 142515
>>142514That's 100% me to a T. I'm going to try to do what you said, thank you!!
and yeah it's crazy! I haven't felt this way in so long and it's a great feeling but also horrible since I have no way to know if I shouldn't feel this way.
No. 142516
>>142511Just be careful with infatuation. You can get addicted to the phase where you're wondering what they think and hanging off their every word and longing for their affection. Once you start getting the affection constantly though, that infatuation wears off and becomes boring and you want to move on unless you really fall in love with them. I've seen it happen too many times with internet relationships.
Real love on the other hand comes from actually adapting to the other person's presence in your life and coming to rely and trust on them in a very intimate way. I just don't see it happening. This might satisfy your cravings for being infatuated with a guy but it won't last. Btw if you keep needing the feeling of being infatuated with a guy, you're going to need a guy that you constantly wonder how he feels about you and who is distant and only gives affection rarely, in other words, a total asshole. Better to chase love imo.
But trying to hold yourself back just makes it taboo and even more enticing so just don't worry about it and take it day by day and don't be stupid and let your emotions take control of you.
No. 142518
File: 1447947718527.jpg (43.71 KB, 396x398, 1435239634995.jpg)
Recently my ''bf'' (we broke up 2 days ago but i really dont know… ) has shown interest in lolcow
i am so happy because now i got someone to talk shit with
No. 142519
File: 1447969803043.jpg (34.86 KB, 385x375, 1446342173538.jpg)
Is anyone else afraid to start a relationship because you're insecure about your body? I have so many things wrong with my body that I'm terrified that if I ever get intimate with someone, they'll dump me on the spot for having a gross body.
I don't really know how to flirt or find boys anyway though. I'm so afraid of rejection I just avoid eye contact unless spoken to (then I stutter, mumble, and occasionally glance at the ground). I just want a qt boyfriend to cuddle with and talk about weebshit and vidya to.
No. 142520
>>142519If they dump you because of your body they are massive assholes.
I'm a lesbian and so far i never had a problem and they found my body "gorgeous" even though i am extremely self conscious. You deserve someone that will love your body and tell you that it's not as bad as you think.
No. 142525
>>142524you are prob right
I'm just being insecure
No. 142528
File: 1448303450500.png (355.92 KB, 696x325, 1386004338548.png)
I feel so fucking shitty.
I'm basically hiding my depression and self-hate from my boyfriend right now because one of the reasons he broke up with his last girlfriend was because of all the baggage she brought with her.
I like him a lot, but hiding how fucking awful the inside of my head is is starting to get difficult. We haven't had sexual intercourse for months because I'm always in pain when we try to do it, I'm always stressed and on edge and I can't relax enough to enjoy sex.
He's being so patient and nice about all of my shitty behaviour it's making me feel extra shitty for the way I am.
I'm so tired of being depressed, but I can't afford going to a doctor about it.
I don't know what to do with myself.
No. 142529
>>142528It's possible he's already picked up on it. If you can't go to a doctor then you need to help yourself in any way you can, by keeping this from him it's going to make you stressed and you will get worse. This could be worse for you if you don't tell him.
Even if he did leave his previous girlfriend cos of the baggage that shouldn't matter because you are not her. The relationship I have with my boyfriend is good because I tell him what's going on in my head, I know if I didn't tell him I would feel so much worse. That's fine, that isn't piling on baggage, talking with your partner about these things are really important because most of the time they will want what's best for you, and if you're upset and they can't understand why, things will get very stressful. You can tell him your problems, you can let him cheer you up. The real problem is when you let your depression take over and that's when the baggage starts to build up. You have to be willing and perseverant.
I hope everything goes well for you anon
No. 142537
>>142535This will probably sound really harsh and robotic but have you ever taken the time to fully analyze and weigh the pros and cons of the relationship? I understand how much the relationship and he means to you, and how much you probably care for him to stick it out this long, but at the end of the day you come first. Take the time to really think about where you want this relationship to end up, what you want out of this (marriage/kids/lifetime commitment etc), since he will have to manage his symptoms for the rest of his life.
Other than that:
TALK to someone about this. Have a conversation with someone you trust and who won't judge you for being frustrated with being a support system for a person with a mental illness. What you're feeling is totally justified, it's not easy doing what you're doing and doing it for this long without totally self destructing is a little amazing as well. If you don't want to talk to people in your life, maybe search around online for support groups/forums for people helping others with mental illnesses. If there's plushie fuck fetish forums, you'll definitely find something to help you vent.
Maybe on his better days go out and do something for yourself to breathe and recuperate. Maybe on his less than scary emergency days hold yourself back a bit so he can get used to managing his symptoms by himself.
Just know that it will probably get a little easier (when they find a decent medication plan) but you'll probably be dealing this for however long you're together. You just need to find some kind of outlet to help yourself so you can help your boyfriend. Good luck anon.
No. 142540
File: 1448708118013.jpg (12.56 KB, 283x424, malenurse.jpg)
I'm with a really awesome boy who is my age (21 yrs old)
At the moment, I'm working in the medical field and I'm slowly falling in love with one of the nurse (a male). He is 35 yrs old and he is such a perfect person, smart, mature, funny, with a very child like personnality he is just so refreshing and I have to say that he scare me a little, I can't even look at him in the eye because I like him so much, this is so embarassing.
I have never lived anything like that, no men has ever intimidated me this way. Even just thinking about him make my heart jump, I want to know him, be close to him, I want to listen to him for hours, god I feel so stupid.
And he is extra nice with me, probably because he see that I am young and shy and I have a hard time fitting in, but when he talk to me all I can think of is that I want to isolate myself with him, listen to him talk forever and then make love for hours, I feel like a fucking 14 yrs old living her first hardcore crush…
I really don't know what to do because I love my boyfriend but when I am with him I can only think about this men… Last time we made love I was thinking about him and it got me crazy wet and excited. He was very satisfied and super tender with me but I felt really bad because it was thinking about this men who got me so wild and sensual.
I'm supposed to spend a whole hour alone with tomorrow I don't know how I'm going to survive this, I'm pretty sure I look at him like he is the most beautiful and sweet cake in the world and I'm a retarded fattie.
I just feel like such a bitch.
No. 142542
>>142541You act like I habe the luxury to choose.
He may have a girlfriend or a family, I don t know if he like me even just a little bit.
And I still love my boyfriend.
Plus I m pretty sure he isnt the kind of guy who like youngers girls…
I just don t know how to forget a about him
No. 142543
>>142542Most guys like younger women, it gives them an ego boost. As long as you're even slightly more mature/intelligent than your age, you have a good chance of getting his interest.
Ask him if he has anyone, talk to him.
No. 142547
>>142545>>142546Thanks guy, I do think it's the smartest thing to do.
I just wanted to share something that never had happened to me before, since I can't really talk about it with my boyfriend (I usually tell him everything) or my friends …
No. 142562
>>142561look it sounds like he likes you, so he probably likes that youre awkward and he might be a bit awkward too!
have a movie night where you get delivery and share like 2 cans of beer. chill on the couch, when youve settled in you could snuggle up to him a bit or rest your legs on his lap and give him a smile.
always worked for me
No. 142564
>>142563he can buy the drinks.
seriously the rest of the world is legal by 18, i dont know why you americans do the 21 thing
dont feel like im telling you that you need to drink, but it does help with social lubrication
No. 142565
File: 1452567558025.jpg (110.89 KB, 480x270, giphy-facebook_s.jpg)
>>142453Not 100% sure if this is the right thread for this but I need some advice.
I met a guy at a bar last night and we seemed to be hitting it off. I invited him to keep hanging out after the bar closed but he said he had an early morning but asked me for my number. I added him on facebook when I got home, which he accepted today. I have yet to hear from him almost a day later. I know I'm impatient but idk what to do. My friend said he seemed "girl shy" but idk.
Thoughts/advice?
No. 142576
>>142574>>142575Thanks, I'm doing my best to move on. The whole situation is just so queer. I met his parents, he met mine, we meet up at least twice a week(I didn't push for this, it just happened), we've had multiple trips together(just us) around the world and more planned in the future.
Boys are fucking stupid.
No. 142582
>>142580Alright, well I have decided I will break up with him. I'm honestly glad actually. I can hire a housekeeper for myself damm.
>>142581They are the worst, I completely agree!
Vibrators are great inventions
No. 142583
File: 1454154626605.jpg (98.92 KB, 600x800, flat,800x800,075,f.jpg)
>tfw you meet a cute shut-in girl on lolcow
No. 142588
There's this guy I like but I'm terrified to talk to him about it. He's a few years younger than me, which is new territory, and I'm really not sure he returns the feelings. We hang out a lot, and he's affectionate in what I'd describe in a friendly way, like hugs and stuff, but I really get no indicators he's attracted to me. I'm terrified of being rejected - in the past, whenever I've started dating someone, it was really clear that the other guy liked me, so it was never an issue. I also really enjoy our friendship and don't want to ruin a good thing, but it's super agonizing, too. I've been stressing out about it a lot, and when he goes to parties and such, I get stupidly jealous that he might be seeing other girls.(Although, often, he texts me the whole time he's out.)
I don't really know what to do. If I just confessed and got rejected, at least I'd know where I stood and could move on, but it might ruin our friendship and that would suck dick.
Sorry if that whole post sounded totally faggy.
No. 142590
>>142588It's sounds more like you're infatuated with him rather than having any genuine feelings for him, especially since you mention being jealous if he meets other girls, you're not even dating.
I suggest taking a deep breath, and a step back and re-evaluate your feelings, if you did get into a relationship with him; would you be just as needy and clingy? You have to admit that wouldn't be healthy.
No. 142591
File: 1454276485873.png (538.03 KB, 816x489, 10649780_1004951239524317_7601…)
I've become really disenchanted with relationships. I'm sure I sound bitter, but I really feel like the concept of a soulmate is foolish. I see people getting married with the intention of spending their lives together only for them to divorce years later when one or both are sick of the other. Or you hear about someone breaking up over their SO cheating on them. Add in my own unfortunate experiences and it feels pointless to subject myself to this misery.
How do you guys do it? How do you look at the odds and still pursue a bf without worrying about the future? All I seem to do is overthink it and assume anyone I go out with will eventually find a reason to leave.
No. 142592
>>142587Yeah, when a guy goes on a rant about how "ugly" he thinks a girl is, especially to his girlfriend, 99% of the time he has the hots for her.
Sorry anon, it doesn't sound good.
No. 142593
>>142591I don't believe in marriage because it's a religious institution that I don't want any part of, not because I'm "atheist" or anything like that, it just doesn't interest me at all.
I'd rather spend the money used for a wedding on a big adventurous vacation instead, something fun and more memorable for me.
I don't believe in "soulmates" either, there are billions of people in the world so I feel it would be unrealistic of me to think of the first person to walk my way and give me attention as being "the one"… but, I'm in a relationship and I'm very happy and satisfied with it.
Eventually, you may find someone who fits in nicely with you, that you'll trust and be carefree and happy with… but at the same time, I don't go looking for it either, I guess I overcame it all in learning to love myself first.
I feel that's the most important thing anyone can do for themselves, everything else can take a backseat until you become confident of your own self worth.
No. 142594
>>142591Sometimes you meet the right person and just know. It's silly stress yourself and to think 'what if 20 years we aren't together?'
just work hard and make the relationship work. Relationships aren't easy and fun all the damn time. I've been with my wife for 10 years almost and we've had really bad ups and downs, but in the end, I really cannot picture growing old with anyone else.
No. 142595
>>142593I agree the concept of soulmates is really dumb and feels like another made up term to lure women into their romantic fairy tale bullshit.
Also, weddings don't have to anything. My parents got married in city hall and they were fine with it. Not every person wants a 20k wedding. I know I don't.
No. 142597
>>142591I'm still a bit stuck in this and I think the key is really just not to think about it. Don't think about finding a soulmate, don't think about any of that. Just think about who you like spending time with, and when it stops working then move on. There are infinite people out there that you'll match with, you'll find them in time so why rush.
I have serious commitment fears because I don't believe anything lasts forever, and so I tend to run away when things are good because it will hurt if it all goes wrong. I've been in a relationship for a few years now, not counting the date helps, I don't believe that I'm going to marry them but all I need to ask myself each day is "Do I still like this person?". Every day so far the answer is yes, the only day that matters is that day.
Anyway, thanks to online dating you can leave finding 'The One' until you're 80.
>>142596a) Text him that you haven't gotten laid in a while and is he free
b)Propose a movie night and pick something that's not traumatic, have the lights low, be wearing as little as possible and just stretch out during the film until you're snuggling your body against his and try to touch his hand or whatever to see if he reciprocates.
>>142582Good luck anon! Your guy sounds backwards if he won't meet you at a compromise. It might be good for you to spend some time alone and figure out just living a bit though, a diet of lazy food will kill you. Looking after yourself kind of successfully but by your own rules is liberating.
No. 142601
>>142600You need to bring up both your original decisions of never talking to your exes again. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable that he's suddenly friends with her again out of the blue, get him to explain what has gone down exactly to change his mind and accept her into his life again.
If his answer isn't satisfactory enough or he continues to be irritated by your questions, then yes… something isn't right and tell him that his negative reactions and attitude to your puzzlement are making you more uncomfortable and suspicious.
Update us with any further developments from there, until then… keep hopeful.
No. 142604
File: 1454548713822.gif (194.72 KB, 440x333, tumblr_le8f9qW8y81qfo270o1_500…)
I don't know what I'd do without you guys cause you all are the closest people I can call on for help.
Recently I'vd been feeling like shit and like my life is going nowhere. I'm breaking down, I'm at wits end, and my boyfriend is nowhere to be found to help.
Mind you, I don't mean like he's out and about and completely avoiding me, I mean that he's just not mentally there if that makes sense. If I'm sitting there crying my eyes out and telling him what I'm crying about he'll just sit there in silence. He won't try to cheer me up, he won't say anything to me, but after awhile of awkward silence he'll then try to occupy his time with his tablet to either play games or watch videos. It almost feels like every time I feel down, he just doesn't give a fuck is just rubbing my back cause it's "socially right" and not cause he actually wants to try to cheer me up.
I've talked to him before about it, and it feels like I'm on repeat every time I talk to him about it. I'm at a loss for what I should do and what else to say.
No. 142605
>>142604I think you're relying on him too much. You just said you're breaking down but you're focusing on your boyfriend not comforting you enough? IMO men like to give practical advice fixing a problem and women will give you comfort and support. He might just feel like he doesn't know how to cheer you up, since you're obviously crying a lot and going through a hard time. Try speaking to a counsellor or your gp about it or start trying to deal with it instead of just ignoring it and letting it build up. Maybe try approaching it a different way, ask his advice?
He's probably just autistic about women and emotions.
No. 142606
>>142605I try to deal with it myself but sometimes it gets hard and it's like that little pep to help me know that I've got somebody in my corner to root for me. I don't feel like that, especially since he can't even try to give me practical advice.
He's amazing in so many other aspects. I don't want to feel like I have to break up with him just because he's so emotionally stunted.
No. 142608
>>142607Sounds a lot like depression? If he's staying up and sleeping a lot, not looking after himself, and that he's unemployed. It all sounds like someone who would be depressed.
You will have to try and have a conversation with him and get him to go to the doctor about his ADHD, and maybe to talk about depression. But maybe getting medicated will help with that.
If he refuses still maybe you can speak with his family about it and have them also talk to him about going to a doctor?
No. 142609
>>142608I've been suspicious of it being depression for a while now. I've been struggling with chronic depression for going on 8 years now and I'm definitely seeing in him what was going on with me at some of my worst points.
He's extra averse to talking to the doctor about depression though. I pulled up some resources on it and he wrote every single symptom off and then got mad at me.
His family is shitty and they are super ignorant about mental health (this is why he has never been on ADHD medicine) so talking to them will probably just make things worse. They all think he is lazy and stupid for being like this now but I know he can be doing better if he gets help.
Is there anything I can say to push him to get help?
No. 142610
>>142609That sucks about his family. Sometimes the best way is to just be direct. Say you are worried about him and you want to help him, or see him get help. If it would make him feel better you could go with him to the doctor, and then you could also sneakily make sure he isn't lying or understating his problems.
Might also help to relate it to yourself, if he knows about the struggle you have had with depression. So he should know that being mentally healthy is important. You could say you don't want to see him go through the same thing.
No. 142612
>>142603Well with him just liking a couple of photos (one of her and one of her dog) it may be that he's just liking them for nostalgia's sake and to be fair, he didn't purposely seek her out, she just reactivated her account and he liked a couple of her photos without commenting on them… it's been 2 years since, right? If anything, he would've forgotten about her existence until then.
When you said you both didn't want to have anything to do with either of your exes, who came up with that suggestion to begin with?
TBH, unless he's going out of his way to contact and message her outside of the "just being friendly" realm, there's nothing to worry about, you've been together for 2 years, why don't you trust him?
I'd be a bit angry with your reaction for liking a couple of photos of a person I used to know and their cute dog I used to play with. If you've been together for 2 years, you've had plenty of time to feel stable in your relationship so lashing out at him like that is bound to make him feel weird, especially if he thinks you don't trust him and think he's gonna run of with an ex who has probably moved on with her life herself.
No. 142613
>>142604>>142605I agree with this anon, I think maybe some self-care is in order and he might be the type of person who is introverted to the point of not knowing (or having any experience) in dealing with the problems of others.
As long as he's not neglecting you personally (you say you've been feeling like shit because of outside issues that have nothing to do with the relationship, right?) then the only person who can help you with those matters is yourself… If you can, I suggest turning to family and friends for support instead of depending on someone who doesn't know you as well as they would do.
No. 142616
>>142615Yeah, I have a lot. We've had some pretty nasty fights over some of these issues; intimacy and spending time together, mostly. It usually either goes unresolved or gets fixed for about a week and then back to square one.
I really try to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he does try sometimes and I see him making some effort now to get help. I worry that the damage has already been done though. I feel somewhat disconnected and not as sexually attracted to him. I never minded "mothering" him in the past when he really needed help, but now I feel that's all there is.
There's not much support left for me at the end of the day. He quick to get frustrated and irritable with me when I'm feeling down and don't cheer up right away or take his advice, so I've stopped coming to him when I need him, because it's too much hassle.
No. 142617
>>142616Are you both still madly in love with each other regardless?
I'm asking because, you said you're both in an LD relationship right? Is it just the time you both spend away from each other that leaves you both room to overthink shit and thus, leave you feeling apathetic towards each other whilst away?
If you both don't feel that way when together for real, I don't know… maybe stick to being supportive friends and work out your own individual problems on your own without worrying about letting each other down through dependency.
No. 142618
>>142617We still love each other, yeah, although we're out of that passionate honeymoon period. Despite being LD, we actually spend most of the day together on Skype since our schedules allow it, even if we are just doing other things.
I guess I'll just stick it out and see if things improve if/when he's able to find a therapist. Otherwise, I'll probably take your advice about just being supportive friends. Thanks for the help.
No. 142619
>>142618I hope he goes for your suggestion and takes you seriously, if he does - then he does want it to work out best for you both.
Chin up, anon.
No. 142625
>>142623I started off in a LDR but I moved in after 2 years. Honestly you really have to be patient, and you have to keep reminding yourself that it's worth it in the end. There were days where I really wanted my SO in my arms etc and it sucked how we couldn't do anything about it, but wish and dream. It gets tiring real quick when you see your friends hang out with their boyfriends and ask about yours. Are you saving up money to move in together? (if yes) maybe you can move with him? That's what I did. I saved up enough and just moved in because I was sick of the distance. Maybe it's just me being the emotional person I am, hell there's some people who don't mind being in a LDR.
Just think about how good it'll feel once you guys are together, try not to think about how far away they are.
No. 142626
>>142624He was already about 1,000 miles away and will now be literally on the other end of the country about 3,000 miles away. The distance was already large, but visiting seemed more somewhat more feasible. now it just feels like visits will be impossible.
>>142625I don't know if I want to move in with him. we are currently "never mets" and we've only been dating for a month. he seems very serious about our relationship, but I just don't know if realistically we will ever live together or be together IRL because we have different life goals since I'm interested in going to grad school and he's just looking to get a job to get by. right now, I'm just looking forward to meeting him for the first time, (which will hopefully be in about a month contingent on him getting a job…) but it really does suck just sitting here and waiting. sometimes it feels like my relationship isn't real. I mean, we've never kissed, held hands or anything that couples should've done because of the distance. thank you for sharing your experience, though. I appreciate it.
No. 142630
>>142629Gaming/e-sports same thing. I thought I would word it that way for it to be more anonymous but yeah.
I don't really think that dating one player is 'whoring' myself out. Do you not date anyone? It's funny to me that this is a really common among the gaming community to see someone date a player/another member of the community and it's automatically 'whoring'.
No. 142633
File: 1454797637301.jpg (10.49 KB, 278x300, 5575662 _fec9a9e50fd0567654f99…)
bf keeps hinting on me getting a boobjob
i cant fuking stand it anymore
i pretty much have a flat chest and sometimes i will complain about it but most of the time…i love my tiny titties
>how about getting a boobjob
>why wont u just get a boobjob
Holy shit how can he do this to me
No. 142634
>>142633dump him, he sounds like a cunt, why are you even with him?
dump him AND get fake tits
No. 142636
File: 1454798405429.png (80.18 KB, 500x421, fSSh7df.png)
>>142635even if i did he would probably go ''oh good idea!'' so it wouldnt even hurt his self esteem if i did that
>>142634blocked him (ldr kek) and im not planning on unblocking him as of now
No. 142640
>>142636>>142633You do know your cup size will go up permanently from pregnancy, so you don't need to worry about being flat forever.
You don't want that jerk to be your babydaddy tho.
No. 142641
File: 1454832006466.jpeg (14.38 KB, 400x400, iCim4eXE_400x400.jpeg)
>>142639>>142637>>142638>>142640Thank u anons.
Even when he would tell me how much he loves my boobs its obvious he doesnt. I dont want to be with someone that doesnt find me attractive
No. 142642
>>142633
>i will complain about >Holy shit how can he do this to meLet me show you:
You: wah wah my mosquitobites, am I rite? xD
Him: (hmmm, she has a problem, clearly I need to come up with a solution)
Him: get 'bubjab
You: ;_; (Why is he shitting on my venting sessions?!)
No. 142644
>>142643Then why complain about it habitually?–At least that's what I picked up from your post, anyway. Right now he can have it stuck in his head "she's just saying that out of embarassment. If I bring it up favorably enough times and show that I don't judge it she'll come around. Then I'll pitch in and show her what a great guy I am, hurr durr."
I'm not ruling out that he's just a very self-centered, callous dolt, but he might actually mean well.
Don't put things that look like problems in front of men if you don't want to hear a litany of solutions. Nothing's easier than overcoming someone else's apprehensivness and "guiding" them towards the "light".
No. 142650
>>142649I guess I need to get over it.
I just felt it was kind of creepy for someone's twitter constantly and fav stuff without following.
No. 142652
File: 1454981566249.jpg (16.1 KB, 356x356, 1449289445458.jpg)
Okay so I've been with this guy for about a year now. I'm 18 almost 19. I'm a virgin. I'm scared as fuck. We basically planned a date to have sex this weekend. He doesn't know I'm a virgin but he doesn't seem like the type of guy to drop my ass if he finds out a virgin he's really sweet. But I'm still scared. There's still a chance he could get turned off or something. Lol what is sex like? Is he going to think my body is ugly? He's really hot and I feel like he's out of my league. What do I do to prep for the shit? Pineapple? I'm slowly freaking out as I type.
Should I just tell him?
No. 142658
File: 1455072170627.jpg (40.34 KB, 342x298, 1445202711352.jpg)
>>142652>>142654>>142655>>142656>>142657Update I told him. He wasn't surprised at all. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better.
No. 142661
>>142660I don't know if you're in the us or not but go to office hours for help/shoot up the shit and build some kind of friendship.
Good luck, it's going to be difficult
No. 142662
File: 1455196969613.jpg (916.36 KB, 1000x1500, 1455167634138.jpg)
>>142652He won't dump you. Just tell him you're a virgin and he'll go slow if he's really as sweet as you say.
No. 142663
File: 1455234073831.jpg (42.95 KB, 640x640, b2adfe450dce974120ba24c395c6b9…)
Lately I've been having a lot of problems with my boyfriend. We're long distance and long story short, he's just not putting enough effort into our relationship, especially as far as communication goes. We had a big fight last night about how tired I am of waiting around just to hear back from him every day, and this is about the millionth time he's told me that he cares about me and wants to change. He's done nothing so far to change anything though and this is a problem that's been going on for months. I just don't think he gets what it feels like to be the one who's putting in all the effort.
So, I decided that until he puts in an effort to do anything, I'm cutting off contact with him. I just want him to know what it feels like to be the one who's feeling crappy because of the other person's lack of effort.
Am I doing the right thing here?
No. 142665
>>142664That's what I'm thinking. I know 'an eye for an eye' will get me nowhere but at the same time I feel like it's the only thing that works with some people. I've tried everything from giving him ideas to saying "how would you feel if I did this to you?" but nothing has worked so far. I've been incredibly cautious of treating him less than excellently because I feel like it's wrong to give your partner anything other than the best, but at this point I feel like there's nothing else to do.
Hopefully he shapes up soon. I know it's kind of selfish but I really want things to be better by Valentine's Day so I don't have to sit around feeling sorry for myself while the other couples I know have a great time.
No. 142666
File: 1455264480453.png (735.67 KB, 970x888, 22673850.png)
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me today, I honestly just want to die.
No. 142670
File: 1455493762560.jpg (19.97 KB, 420x420, pregnant-woman-photo-420x420-j…)
today my boyfriend of 2 months and I were having sex and he said "part of me wants to get you pregnant, is that weird?" I just said no and kept going, not really knowing what to say. We joke around saying that we would make cute babies and stuff but I wasn't sure what to think. Is it just a turn on for him or does he actually kind of want babies? He's 28 and I'm 21
No. 142674
>>142673it's possible, because he's always saying that he wants to "give me his seed" and that he loves my "child bearing hips"
I feel weird bringing it up to him though ugh
No. 142680
File: 1455624228356.jpg (11.57 KB, 248x248, 40eaf846-b43a-4b12-8a24-e78c0d…)
i havent had sex for a year because im so ashamed of my labia. and huge piles, just huge big haemorrhoids.
too ashamed to go to the doctors, i dont want to show them, like hello there let me peel open my ass crack and let you look at the mess that accumulated after being bed ridden for 2 years. im a horribly vain person, im hot, i have a big online following, i feel pretty good about myself on the outside, but i hate myself for fooling everyone into thinking im hot, because im embarrassed by my labia and piles.
ive tried googling piles and haemorroids loads of times, but im unsure of whether the doctor/surgeon could even get rid of them? god i really just want to die, i want these off me!
No. 142682
>>142680firstly, nothing wrong with large labia. someone out there is gonna meet you, see them, and be totally in love with them because they're yours.
as for your other issue here, the only real option imo is to bite the bullet and go to the doctors. I've had to go myself for butt acne, (lol) so I know the pain of having to show the booty to a stranger in a cold office. it's worth the short term embarrassment on your end to get better, and remember that doctors see thousands of people in a year; they don't care if something isn't pretty to look at because their jobs revolve around helping people!
polite sage for diary.
No. 142683
>>142680I have a large labia, it's fine. Just avoid the fuckboi's who laugh about roast beef pussies, actual guys won't turn away once your pants are off just because it's not the aesthetic they're into.
You have to bite the bullet and go to the doc. I had 3 surgeries down there, all awake, because of other lady problems. When I swelled up badly and had an elephant between my legs, back I went - you'd be surprised how calm the doctors are. When my gyno saw what happened she was visibly upset (I thought at me? Like, "how can you be so disgusting/fail so bad at healing?"). It wasn't at me - most doctors you see haven't gone through what you're going through in the moment, so when it's extreme, they can't hide the human-empathy of "jesus fuck that has to hurt why nature?!"
I promise when you take things head on health wise you get so much back in your life. Confidence that you're keeping healthy habits for you as discussed with the doctor, confidence that there's signs/symptoms to notice and be proactive about.
No. 142686
File: 1455650598493.jpg (57.67 KB, 600x708, CSSCYRLXIAAGPW4.jpg)
my close guy friend made out with me a month ago and hasnt talked to me since
No. 142687
>>142674>>142672don't count him out just yet anon. I think it's just a thing that happens around guys his age (biological clock?) I dated a guy (29/30) and as he got older he said stuff like that too, but also didn't actually want to have a child (at least not right then). I think it's just biological hard-wiring of males wanting to "spread their seed".
I mean, if he's saying it during sex it's probably a turn on thing. If he's saying it while you're watching tv or something, then that's probably something different. If you're super worried about it just talk to him. Or double down on your birth control lol.
No. 142688
File: 1455651468472.png (160.9 KB, 500x375, 1444340815851.png)
Broke up with bf
we mutually agreed to do it as it was LDR and we basically had no trust/no future together
im just listening to loud music right to stop me from realising what just happened. fuck.
No. 142690
I havent liked anyone for a long time but since a few months ago I started to like this boy in one of my uni classes. We only see eachother once a week (bc of class), but I'm always excited to see him and speak to him even though class isnt that long. Hes a year older than me and after a few weeks of meeting we realized we went to the same highschool, but just had never seen eachother. He likes kpop/anime/ the nerdy stuff I like… I speak to him by text throughout the week randomly, but sometimes more even though our chats are usually just about class or nerd stuff, although there have been some occasional times where we spoke about other personal stuff. He praises me a lot/is honestly the nicest boy I have met and when I told him that he would probably forget about me after uni ends this year, he said he would never do that even if we dont see eachother again.
I like him a lot and I want to get closer to him. However, he sometimes doesnt answer my texts/will randomly stop replying sometimes. I kind of addressed this by saying I feel like i bother him, but he has told me a lot that I could never bother him so I guess thats just how he is? Anyway, I spend a lot of time thinking theres no way he likes me/hoping theres a slight chance he does. Hes Asian and i'm white so I feel like he probably does not like white girls… Also, last week I was walking with him to his class and he saw a girl friend of his who is asian and when he waved to her he looked kinda shy so I kinda wondered if he liked her (?) and now I feel like I should give up even more. Im wondering if anyone here thinks I have a chance or any tips or anything like that? Should I give up on him and do you think theres even a slight chance he likes me?
TLDR; I like a boy and we seem to have a lot in common with, but I dont think he likes me at all especially bc were both of different races. Is there any potential here and do you have tips?
No. 142694
>>142666exact same position and relationship length as you and my guy buggered off and messed up. I know it's horrible but fuck him for not giving you a reason, you're worth one. Don't tell me he cut you off completely the way mine did, maybe he'll tell you but sometimes that can hurt even more…might help though
exact same position and relationship length as you and my guy buggered off and messed up. I know it's horrible but fuck him for not giving you a reason, you're worth one. Don't tell me he cut you off completely the way mine did, maybe he'll tell you but sometimes that can hurt even more…might help though
>>142666 No. 142696
File: 1455810199145.jpg (6.47 KB, 210x240, images.jpg)
Farmers
I fucked up
I told my boyfriend that i didnt go on r9k when i did.
i rarely did it and i didnt really think about it but yes i pretty much lied to him.
i didnt contribute to any threads id just lurk for 5 mins looking for something entertaining and then id leave.
i feel so shitty for what i did because id always made sure to be truthful to him
i guess i justified myself by thinking that i didnt go on it often?
now my boyfriend broke up with me and hes calling me a whore.
i agree i did something bad, but i didnt cheat nor did anything inappropriate (which is what he assumes)
i have no friends to vent to so i pretty much have only this website
i want to die. i feel so bad for what i did.
No. 142701
File: 1455814236710.jpg (13.28 KB, 354x352, 1433187399000.jpg)
>>142700I think he wouldnt be so worked up IF i told him that i lurked r9k but i didnt. i told him that i didnt go on r9k many times, i fucked up.
No. 142707
>>142704idk we arent americans or british or any of those nationalities so maybe this is just a culture clash but sex isnt that important for us? im sure hes dying to have more (i do help him out occasionally wink wink), its just completely dead downstairs for me, it just hurts.
weve been friends way before we became partners so idk having a non sexual relationship isnt that abnormal
>>142703we still do sexual things, just not vagina stuff
but yeah i almost cant believe it either, weve talked about it before and hes so helpful n shit, i dont deserve him :(
however, i think ill hear with my doc next time i have a visit
No. 142708
File: 1455893262515.jpg (186.61 KB, 500x362, 1333242914561.jpg)
I'm pretty pissed off atm. It's like pulling teeth to get my bf to spend time with me and I'm starting to feel less into him.
He gets obsessed with games easily and has been really into one game in particular that requires a lot of attention if you want to do well. He actually played almost the whole day yesterday. He didn't even go to bed. And yet I had to beg him to spend time with me, so he tossed me a bone and we watched something online for 20 minutes. It was right back to the game after that. He thinks that if we talk while he plays it's enough but often he's talking to other players or is too distracted to hold a conversation. That's not spending time together imo.
We've talked about this issue over and over again and it's like a loop of arguing, him being mad and defensive, me begging until he says sorry and that he'll do better, he does better for a day and then back to the same shit.
No. 142709
>>142706This is pretty normal. You aren't going to be in love 24/7 365 days a year. As long as there is no one you think you would be happier with, and there is nothing very dangerous about your relationship (seems that way), it's probably nothing some (admittedly difficult) conversation can't fix.
I think the most you can hope for long term in a relationship is that the other person is emotionally and mentally stimulating, your best friend, and someone you love being around and spending time with (for the most part) honestly. Especially with depression, when (if it's anything like mine) it's incredibly tough to make and keep connections.
No. 142710
>>142708Just curious, what's the game?
Also, no matter how into the vidya he is that's no excuse for ignoring you. I'm guessing you're not interested in playing it, but that can be some fun times to spend with your bf. At the same time, you guys can't really talk or anything on a deeper level so that can be tough too when you're wanting some personal attention. You shouldn't have to beg either, that's ridiculous. Personally I would demand he either compromises and actually schedules some time together or give him the boot.
No. 142711
>>142710It's Rust.
It's not that I'm not interested, but I have a basic laptop that can't run most games. I probably wouldn't feel so ignored if I was able to play with him since I love video games too. There are a few games that I'm able to run, but he says he's bored of those and doesn't want to play them anymore.
We actually used to have a schedule, though I had to nag him about that too. He used to give me an hour of time before bed. That rarely happens anymore though because he just wants to spend all of his time gaming.
No. 142718
>>142717Fuck, I have further thoughts on this.
I say don't remain friends because A) he's just going to trash you to everyone and you'll be hurt or B) he's going to try to fuck you again and then trash around everyone you know. These don't usually work out well. Once a guy starts saying shit about you to people who know you they won't stop, it's all about their ego.
No. 142720
>>142719Tell him you like him
That's how I did it
No. 142724
File: 1456007980875.jpeg (8.81 KB, 224x225, images.jpeg)
My boyfriend has Crohn's disease. If you're not familiar, it causes inflammation of the bowel and a bunch of other problems. It makes him have to poop a lot and have diarrhea, sometimes with extreme urgency. He seems really embarassed like he doesn't want me to go in the bathroom after him and he wouldn't look me in the eye after i had to bring him toilet paper once. Thing is, im a nurse. I dont get grossed out and it doesn't impair my attraction to him at all. I've explained this to him but it doesn't seem to really sink in. What can i do to help him be more comfortable and support him?
No. 142729
>>142725I have the same problem as your boyfriend, and so far the best thing my boyfriend has done is not ask questions. Everyone knows I have a weak bladder and he makes jokes about how I have to stop in every public toilet we walk past, but he's never once joked or mentioned why I'm always swapping underwear or pyjama bottoms or showering at random times. I assume he knows that he's still walked me home when I've pissed myself drunk, but it's never been mentioned.
On the other hand, I've never visibly just wet myself in front of him sober. I would die on the spot but I guess it would help for him to just say something like he knows I have a problem but he understands whilst handing me a towel.
Your boyfriend seems to be keeping on top of it with the pads, towels and not smelling, but if he does smell or he does have problems controlling it whilst you touch him you could try casually asking if there's anything that can help. Try to find out if he's seen a doctor without accusing him of being gross, he's obviously making an effort and that should be recognised. Make a joke about a health concern you might have, or periods, in that situation.
No. 142731
>>142729This advice is absolutely amazing anon, thank you so much for this. I've been pretty casual about it to him and not really mentioned it, but if it does happen in the future I'm just going to say that it's fine and give him a towel, maybe suggest a sexy shower together or something.
I've noticed even though he does keep very clean and keeps on top of things..I went in one of his rooms once and there was faint smell of urine, I think he's so used to it that he hasn't noticed? Is there anyway to suggest that i know about that? I want to help him and not make it seem like I think it's disgusting because I had a similar issue when I was 14-18.
No. 142732
>>142731Sexy shower, or cosy hugging shower, sounds great.
Perhaps you could first work on letting him know that you understand the problem exists but aren't disgusted, whether that's through talking about it directly or talking through actions like towels and showers, before you directly mention the room smell. If you do bring it up perhaps lightly mention your part own issue or even just something hows sometimes worry about smelling once a month or something (normalising the problem for him without being too gross). Now I'm worrying if I've gotten used to any faint smells, that's a really horrible thought!
If it's just that the place needs freshened up yo could just nag him about cliche spring cleaning, lots of normal people clean freshen up rooms with fabreeze all the time right? Good luck!
No. 142733
File: 1456541866306.jpg (276.02 KB, 1000x690, Aisaka.Taiga.full.843886[1].jp…)
I need some help /g/urls. It's kind of a long and stupid story but I'm just looking for advice since I feel really dumb right now. Basically, what would you do if you found out someone you liked was a pathological liar? Like, how can you help them? What if they don't want help? I know beyond a shadow of a doubt but I just don't know what to do or if there's anything I can do at all. Has anyone encountered this before? What have you done if so? I can give more detail if need be as well.
No. 142734
>>142733It really depends on the lies.. "I didn't eat the cookies" vs "I didn't go to the strip club".
More details?
No. 142735
>>142733I have a lot of experience with chronic liars, in my family and with people I've dated long-term. I don't just mean people who have cheated or been shady, but people who lie about absolutely everything; even if it's insignificant.
Do yourself a favor and don't get involved. It doesn't matter if they just lie about small stuff or lie about big stuff. In the end, you'll constantly doubt what they say, even when it's shit that's not even that important, and it'll drive you crazy.
Unless this person agrees to go to therapy to get help, just move on. It's not worth the trouble.
No. 142738
>>142737I agree that it's sad. A lot of pathological liars end up that way due to a troubled childhood where they felt they had to lie to protect themselves and it ends up becoming second nature. That's not always the case, but in my experience, that has been a reoccurring theme.
Nonetheless, please don't think you can fix them or think that nurturing them will help. Treating pathological lying is really difficult and time consuming. Like I said, unless they're willing to seek professional help, you're better off moving on. It's only going to cause problems for you in the future.
No. 142744
File: 1459349548933.gif (1.78 MB, 320x240, 1380991567831.gif)
>>1119520 y/o male here, I don't know why I'm bothering to post in this thread.(Am I even allowed to post here?) but judging from what I've seen it looks like this is the place where the type of women I'm interested in congregate so it seems like the best place to ask.
I've been consistently told I'm attractive and I'm able to "get" women very easily. If I just wanted sex I would have no problem.
But that's not the case, even when I've been offered straight up casual sex I've had no desire to actually go through with it and turn them down. It has nothing to do with attractiveness, they just don't interest me and I have no interest in sex outside of a relationship.
I'm explicitly attracted to loser women, I don't even give a fuck about looks. I just want a girl who I can watch cheesy 80s films and play bideo gaems with until the sun rises. I have no fucking idea where to find what I'm looking for and it drives me up the fucking wall.
Am I broken? Is there something wrong with me? Whenever I bring this up with other guys I get ridiculed. How do I end this suffering?
No. 142746
>>142483fuck em
seriously never date these sort of people find someone who will cuddle you and love you when you're sad it'll be much better for you
No. 142749
>>142744yes you're broken wtf give me your looks in girl version.
I've never heard a handsome guy say he doesn't care for looks or casual sex.
No. 142751
File: 1459371682642.jpg (49.83 KB, 600x514, celty27.jpg)
I'm really confused and heartbroken and upset girls.
I've been dating my fiancé for four years now. I'm his first girlfriend. We've been having trouble in our relationship- mostly because he has anger outbursts whenever we have conflict in our relationship. He expresses his anger and I get so meek and naive and I'm literally his doormat and I feel frozen and can't say anything to appease him. He has autism so I know his anger is inherent, but I feel so hopeless and scared.
Last night he proposed a "break" because he was tired of our issues. I agreed and tried to be mature as best as I could- but the thing that broke my heart is that he blamed me for everything. He tells me I'm jealous, insecure, and that I can't even defend for myself or speak up to him when we do have conflicts. I can speak up, I just choose not to because I feel so horrible from his anger and feel like it's all of my fault and don't want to make things worse.
I feel really numb and dead inside. He told me he doesn't see me as his lifetime partner despite us being engaged and that he doesn't know how he feels about me anymore. I'm paranoid it's just a "Gentlemans intermission" where he's using this "break" as an excuse to go sleep with other women and not feel guilty about it but this breaks my heart. I don't even think about wanting to be with another guy during this break.
I just desperately hope this doesn't end up as a break-up. I love him very much and it's killing me how he approached this and deep down I hope he's just wanting this break because he wants the both of us to work on our personal issues and have time apart and see how we can fix it and if we should still be together.
I don't want to lose him but I have no choice but to want to leave him anyways if he used this for ulterior motives.
My heart is broken. I loved him so much and gave him my all.
No. 142753
File: 1459395738115.jpg (7.53 MB, 3986x2214, Hatsune.Miku.full.1626843.jpg)
>>142751I'm so sorry to hear this anon. But just hearing this part of your guys relationship makes me ask, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy like that? If he really wanted to be your life partner why would he say things like that, to the woman he loved and promised to spend forever with? This might be a pretty big sign that you guys maybe shouldn't be together. If you can't get through the smaller fights without becoming a shrinking violet, how will you get over the bigger ones down the road? And shame on him for blaming you for absolutely everything wrong in the relationship. Its a two-way street bucko.
I say for now since he proposed a break and you agreed to give your all to yourself, working on your self-esteem/self-confidence and general sense of well-being. Its going to hurt. It'll be rough crying at the things that remind you of him. It'll sting falling asleep in a bed by yourself. You might feel fine for a moment then a wave of emotion will rush over you like rapids practically drowning you.
It'll be okay. Whether the relationship works out or not, you'll come out a stronger person if you focus on bettering yourself. It'll feel like dying but you'll come back to life again I promise. Sincerely, a girl who once gave a boy her all.
No. 142754
>>142742Different anon, but this is sort of where I am right now. I'm in a LDR and have been in it for 18 months now (it's my longest relationship ever) but it's like he can never make time for me. One time he suggested that we talk on the phone more often, but every time I ask if we can, he's always busy or he can't. Lately it's like he doesn't really care. And I'd never tell him what I'm about to write, but he sucks at being my support. Whenever I get depressed or really down, he always avoids it or ignores me altogether in hopes that it'll magically go away. Like, how am I supposed to feel when the person I love can't even be my support in that? But I'm too nice to say that. I mean, maybe he just doesn't know what to say or how to react, right? Maybe saying nothing easier for him and I have to accept that I can never expect comfort from him. Maybe that's just the way he is.
We make plans to have a date, but then he cancels last minute, but I pretend that It's all good. I mean, last minute changes happen all the time and it's to be expected, right? its happened on more than one occasion. We make the plans and then follow up a day or two before and he says "I don't know" or "I can't, I have ___". That's fine, we're college students. I'm asking for AT LEAST once every month. I mean, it's not like he's states away. He's 2 HOURS away. Ugh.
I have more, but that's all I could manage to get off my chest right now. /venting over
No. 142755
>>142751Fuck the autistic cunt.
Sounds like he doesn't try at all in the relationship, and he says anything he wants to you. You are above being heartbroken and you are certainly doing yourself a favor by not being with this guy.
don't be sad about it. Say fine a "break" and block him on all social media and any way possible.
No. 142760
>>142758Obviously that's fine, just be tasteful about it. Make it clear to the original best friend that you aren't picking sides etc.
It also kind of depends where you live, and how mature the people around you are
No. 142766
Rant incoming sorry:
My boyfriend and I dated for over a year (LDR) and I flew out to visit him. Spent 3 weeks together, it was great. Shortly after that we broke up and I ended up dating another guy about a month and a half after (stupid fucking mistake but that's another story) but we broke up within 3 months and I stayed single for about 5 months until the LDR ex and I got back together. It's been fucking hell with him, he's got bad mental issues just like I do but he refuses to go to therapy for them. He has gone in the past after we split up, but he stopped once we started talking again, a few months before we started re-dating. He's been tested for being bipolar but he wasn't, but he's gotta be that or something else. He can go from loving and affectionate to cold and "Leave me alone I want to be alone" in less than an hour. Recently he got a new job and made a friend with one of his female co-workers. He talked about how much they have in common, down to the same ice cream flavors and people they dislike. He's completely cut off friends and myself in one of his "i wanna be alone" moods just to find out he's out shopping or eating dinner with the co-worker. He pretty much stopped texting me aside from 5 or 6 one word texts be cause he was either at work or with the girl. I confronted him about it and he called me jealous, which I'm not I'm just mad, and we had an argument. He then suggested we not talk as much because it's been "boring" lately with too much small talk. He didnt understand that ignoring your gf for your co-worker was wrong.
It took a day or two of constant fighting for it to get through to him, with "why don't we just break up then, we fight so much" peppered throughout. That's his first reaction and always has been, throwing his hands up and running away. He has trust issues on top of everything so this is ridiculously frustrating. I love this stupid idiot and I don't wanna give him up but I'm just so exhausted trying to balance my emotions and his. Things started to perk up in the past week or so but today a tiny fight over me needing help with language learning is ending up with him trying to get me to dump him. He never tells me he's done, he never says it's over but he tries to get me to do it. Ofc I always tell him I want to fix things but he keeps prodding and asking why I try to keep it going. He repeatedly tells me I'd be happier and better off without him but he wouldn't be happy either way. I know he is depressed, just the same as I am but he has expressed he has suicidal thoughts but never harmed himself. He 100% refuses help in any form from friends, family and professionals.
I have no idea what's going on with this relationship anymore. I don't want to leave him when he is suicidal and depressed because that wouldn't help him in his current mental state. I just feel lost.
No. 142768
>>142766I think that if you read everything you just typed out loud to yourself, it will become very clear to you that he simply isn't interested in you anymore. He blatantly says that you bore him, and his actions make it clear that he prefers the company of his new friend. It sounds like he is trying to get you to leave the picture, just not in so many words. {"We should talk less"}
Also, his mental issues are not your problem. You can stand by him and support him but if he isnt trying to help himself then you're gonna be stuck playing Dr.Phil in the relationship.
Just think about it, a year down the line, do you still wanna be in this situation? If no, then something has to change weather it be that he fixes his attitude or you dump him. Put yourself first for a moment and dont feel guilty because of his baggage, and honestly ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want, when there are billions of dudes out there that won't treat you this way.
No. 142769
>>142766Sounds like an asshole I used to date. He's childish (the co-worker issue reeks of "I want my cake and to eat it to" toddler mine-mine-mine phase), irresponsible (mental health issues not getting addressed), and unbelievably antagonistic towards you (constantly throwing in the 'then just break up with me' into fights).
Leave him. He's an overgrown baby who found someone that genuinely loves him, and then ran that love/trust into the fucking ground. He's going behind your back to see another woman – he's done everything in his power to get you to leave him. It almost sounds like 'testing' you which is just as bad.
You are not — ever — responsible for someone elses' thoughts or feelings. You're totally responsible for your actions based on your feelings/thoughts, but you can't control his. For him to blackmail you with his mental and physical health and leave an aura of 'will I or won't I kill myself' is vile.
No. 142770
My boyfriend has developed a NEET sleep schedule, so we haven't been seeing each other much lately even though he lives in my apartment. He doesn't do anything and only eats junk food. I'm very frustrated because this is basically at him at his worst, and it doesn't seem like he's going to do anything to make himself better. I don't know anything about getting jobs nor do I really have my shit together or eat healthy, so I don't know how to help. He doesn't have any friends he can really turn to either, his only friend is some autist even worse off than the both of us. He doesn't want to go to a counselor because of how hard it is to find a decent one.
I'm really worried on one hand, but another impulse is to dump him and run for the hills. He's really sweet and puts up my bullshit, but I don't know if I'd be ok with this if things were the same a year from now, three years from now. I ask him what he wants to do in life, and the only thing he says is to be with me. It used to be sweet but now it feels like I'm taking advantage of him.
I want him to be happy and study hard and have friends he actually likes. I want him to find something, anything, in real life that makes him want to be outside of the house and forces him to talk to people that aren't me. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself because I've been doing relatively decent lately. But he doesn't seem happy just doing nothing all day. He's done so much for helping me become more functional. How do I do the same?
No. 142771
>>142741I agree 100% with what
>>142742 said.
I was exactly in the same situation last year. If he doesn't change, move on. Trust me, you'll be better off without him.
No. 142772
>>142754> I have to accept that I can never expect comfort from him. Maybe that's just the way he is. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who can't support you, anon? And who doesn't make any efforts to see you, talk to you?
I'm the
>>142771 anon so I'll tell you the same thing: confront him about it and if he doesn't change, move on.
No. 142773
Hello guys! Uhm, to get this off my chest I am going to post it here. My boyfriend has cheated on me in the past, has left me for another girl, & lied about cheating (he cheated on me for 3 weeks, with an ex of his.) I'm still with him, & he's changed but…I can't trust him at all, I want to so badly, but I can't. To make it worse when he talks to other females it makes me think he's going to cheat again and I get panic attacks. I love him a lot, I'm in love with him.
We've been together for a year and 2 months, it's been really hard. Please help me, I don't know what to do. (To add on, I'm really clingy/attention wanting with my bf, and we have a DD/lg relationship & he doesn't like clingy-ness, I have tried to be less clingy.)
No. 142774
>>142770People mostly turn to junkfood because of the convenience, so maybe try to do some healthy home cooking and have some convenient healthy snacks around.
And I think it's sweet that you only want what's best for him. In order to help him you got to understand the psychology of why he's being NEET. Is it anxiety? Laziness? Or is it something more complex?
Try small things to get him out of the house - like walks together, eating out, whatever. And whatever you do, don't harass him about his issues because that can make things worse. Do small/subtle things to make his day better.
No. 142776
>>142774It definitely is some sort of anxiety. I've heard stories from friends who knew him in elementary and middle school, and he was a loud, happy kid who talked to a lot of people. But he told me when he got his degree, he hardly had any friends. I think something happened to him.
But be patient and keep it subtle, and have healthy snacks
That will be kind of hard, but I am willing to do it.
>>142775A year and a few months
Thanks for hearing me out anons, btw.
No. 142778
File: 1459896934495.jpg (34.41 KB, 376x302, 1398818715345.jpg)
>>142777Not really a grill but I can give you a males perspective. I honestly used to think my ex-gf was just crazy sometimes until she explained she was PMSing. I completely forgot that was a factor.
Just talk to him about it an tell him when you think the PMS starts so he knows not to take it as you being crazy or mean.
No. 142779
>>142777I know exactly how you feel. This person is right. Be open to your
>>142778SO about your PMS stuff and explain that hormones kinda make you a little crazy. I do the same when I am being obsessive and weird and upset and my boyfriend understands and I apologise.
It helps to think about other things aside from just your BF. Work, friends, etc. I noticed I was getting upset that my boyfriend wasn't messaging me right after or enough but then I realised he was simply busy, not avoiding me. I've made a real effort to act as happy and playful as possible with my texts/messages and always project I'm happy to see him as opposed to unloading my issues that I was worried/scared or whatever since insecurity is a huge turn off to some dudes. I've seen a lot of improvement in our relationship since I started just letting things go and trying to be as happy as possible around him and he reaches out to me a LOT more than he used to.
No. 142783
>>142782How much has he gained? Like 10lbs or closer to 30?
If you notice he's been not moving as much, try to bring up his lack of activity rather than the weight gain. "Hun you haven't been walking or standing much, are you okay? Do you feel alright, should you see a doctor?"
I've tried to explain to my SO that eating bowl after bowl of cereal and drinking sugar teas all day was making him lose muscle mass and gain weight and he still hangs it over my head 6 months later. Never bring up the fact they're getting fat or you'll never hear the end of it.
No. 142785
>>142777My boyfriend doesn't get grossed out hearing about "period stuff" like some guys do, so I just let him know that I'm PMSing. He can usually tell though because I get very sensitive.
I hate that it happens but I can't control how I feel so I might as well just give him some warning in advance. Just try to distract yourself so you don't act out on your emotions.
No. 142790
>>142788you are lucky and must have a light flow.
i've unwittingly had sex when my period was about to start and it literally left puddles of blood on the sheets under me.
No. 142792
>>142786Night clubs are called "meat markets" for a reason. Bars are barely better.
You may have a marginally better chance at getting yourself a sugar daddy
Join a club or organization and expand your social circle that way
No. 142794
>>142793When you come into a longterm, committed relationship you'll find that these kind of things end up coming out on their own.
Don't plan anything, just listen to your feelings.
No. 142797
>>142767>>142768>>142769After I posted this he and I hadn't fought at all, everything was great until today. You guys are right, he's childish as fuck and I probably should leave him.
Today we were CLEARLY joking about my shoes not matching my pants, so I joked he was under dressed which led him to say "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" to which I replied "you wish". Now he's all fucking upset that I insulted him and he said "wow I thought you were my gf," I serously thought he was joking so I kept joking back and he went "Okay, single bitch"
He's honestly upset that "you wish" apparently called him an ugly fuck. So he went to go see that female co-worker and now he's in a better mood. She'd been missing work because she's depressed or whatever which is probably why he and I have been working out, she's not around to get his attention.
Funny enough this morning he was texting me "I don't think you love me, you don't act like you love me" for no fucking reason, so again with the "Wahh dump me" shit.
No. 142798
>>142797ten bucks says he's whinging to this coworker whenever you guys have a disagreement, and she's giving him exactly what he wants to hear (i.e. 'you did nothing wrong, your gf sounds like a cold evil bitch) because it boosts their relationship at the expense of yours.
I know you like this guy, but he sounds like he's completely taking you for granted. he sounds like he wants his girlfriend to be an unconditionally supportive mother figure, not a partner.
No. 142799
File: 1460396228997.jpg (73.95 KB, 960x960, 12992108_989090974502758_88861…)
>>142798I tried to calmly bring up the fact he keeps saying I don't love him and this is what happened.
And then boop, he took our relationship status down and has probably unfriended me or is about to. What in the fuck happened.
No. 142801
>>142800After he said that:
Me: I'm not trying to hint anything, I'm trying to figure this out.
Him: Telling me I'm not beautiful and telling me we're not to be isn't really trying to figure something out. It's more like making me even more sad. I already was sad because I don't feel love and now that shit. I'm just gonna go since this is what you want.
And then he's ignoring me. Like ok? What a bitch way to end things. I guess I'm glad I just didn't waste anymore time if he was so eager to go.
No. 142805
>>142801You should guilt trip him.
go with "okay I get it, you want to be with your co-worker, I hope you two will be happy together" and then just block him on all social media :^)
I'm just saying this because the shit he's saying to you is utterly fucked up and he's obviously using the way you are emotionally to try and manipulate you while disregarding everything you are actually trying to say (he's a dick and you shouldn't give a fuck if he's depressed when he treats the person he loves that way)
No. 142807
>>142805He's trying to guilt trip me all night/this morning. I wake up to 20+ texts about how he needs me and he loves me and he's sorry. I text him to calm down this morning and he just asks "why are you abandoning me, I love you, why are you doing this" etc. He has these moments of clarity where he goes "Are you saying we're over?" But then it dissolves into more "I love you don't go I need you don't abandon me"
I'm just pissed off now that he is refusing to admit that what he's doing is some guilt trippy shit.
No. 142808
File: 1460474085042.jpeg (90.69 KB, 3000x3000, tmp_24296-lg6ZrVv8-324519692.j…)
My bf has this chick friend he talks to. I don't mind at all because my best friend is a guy (we have a very platonic relationship, always have, and he has a girlfriend/fiance that I'm also friends with.) Anyway, this chick is a friend from his school days. I don't even want to go into why I peeked at his messages, but it's VERY clear he deleted a lot. Now, I'm not worried about him cheating. I'm considerably more attractive than her and she's a hamplanet. But, I am worried he may be using drugs again or talking shit about me. I'm being petty and treating him like a dog without telling him why, but idk what else to do and it's just my nature to be vindictive when I feel slighted. Halp.
No. 142811
>>142804He was in the middle of JFK airport so I doubt he was fappping lol
>>142806idk if he's really acting cute or if it's me reading too much into it because I'm a social retard. Anyways a lot of the cute/traveling stuff was before he got a new gf about three weeks ago. I have no idea what he thinks about his new gf or why they got together, but I think he confirmed to me that he won't be dating her after they graduate in two months, and he's seemed to have made no plans to attempt to stay together with her after graduation. As far as I can tell, he asked me if I could try to find him a job after graduation and no one else.
Oh yeah the whole people getting hurt thing has already happened. He dumped me before and started dating someone for a couple of weeks after that. They were scheduled to live together for the summer. Then we went on a trip together because we already bought tickets, and after that he decided to dump her and get back together with me. She got really hurt, and I'm sure it was not a good mark of his character, but oh well.
It probably sounds stupid to most people but I think it'd be really cool if I could find him a job in my city after he graduates. But I have no idea what his intentions are or how he actually feels about me.
No. 142815
>25966He'd rather cover up and delete proof of her being flirty and him being a total saint, just he doesn't want to make you mad? Anon I think you know why he didn't just end the conversation. Don't take no shit & bail.
>>142814I'd prefer my bf physically fucked someone once rather than emotionally cheating on me. Doesn't matter which is worse or what way you spin it, it'd still be cheating.
No. 142818
>>142817Dump his ass.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Even if you were truly fucking awkward and weird, you're trying. Unless you're trying to be "affectionate" by punching him in the face,… which I doubt.
Even on the off chance that all of his ex's were like, expert masseuses, he's still an asshole.
He's making you feel bad and humiliating you for trying to please him. If he at least tried to tell you what you did wrong, and how tp do it better then maybe I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, but it doesn't look like it.
No. 142819
>>142818… I mean, you aren't wrong, but I'm not breaking up with him.
I don't want to go into too much detail, but I am truly fucking awkward and weird. I'm extremely insecure and don't have a very good grasp on reality, so I'm not sure whether or not the intense humiliation I feel with every interaction is fabricated or not. And I absolutely detest people that act out due to mental issues. Most of all myself. The absolute last thing I want to do is say something truly crazy mixed in with a more reasonable argument to 'pls just tell me what to do, you hurt my fee-fees' and him to recoil at the realisation that I am another crazy bitch. I know that the messages engrained into speech aren't actually real but I can't tell what is actually being said or what is thought and implied, and I wish he could just get the memo that I need to be told in explicit and literal detail exactly what to do.
That's only part of the problem, though. Even if he told me explicitly what to do, I have a really hard time parsing information and translating it to movement. I can't even replicate the simplest hand gestures or dances when I have someone trying to teach me for hours, nonetheless something as involved as physical intimacy.
The thing I find the strangest out of all of this is before we were in a proper relationship he always found these things endearing. I'm not sure what has changed since then. I think he might have believed that I consciously chose to '''indulge my cute quirks.''' As opposed to the reality, which is being genuinely deficit in basic ways that impede my ability to function in day-to-day life. It's not a matter of how hard I try, it seems to be that all of these things are completely beyond my grasp. The same as not being to make out spoken word – 'not paying attention.' But that is just an excuse.
What I'm trying to get at is this is really my problem, not his, and it's something that I need to fix, no matter how impossible that may be. Hence asking advice. Because I cannot stand to be inadequate and I cannot stand humiliation. No matter what the cause of it, real or imagined, I need to better myself to get rid of it.
No. 142821
>>142819If you really want to pick up 'normal human interactions' you should just try to observe people in cafes etc. Films at a push, but films are directed and aren't realistic.
Copying them will seem robotic for a long time, but eventually you will be able to mimic it. Fake it until you make it!
Sincerely - someone trying to learn how to talk like a human
No. 142822
>>142807God this sounds obnoxious. He sounds like he is a classic BPD case because knowing someone close to me with that, that's EXACTLY how she used to act. Push me away and the beg to take her back.
That shit got old. If I were you I'd lay down ground rules for taking him back. Like, especially with his female coworker who clearly he is emotionally cheating with. Their relationship seems to go beyond just friendship and he KNOWS it's inappropriate.
Personally, I'd move on but obviously it's difficult if you really like him (when he's not being an ass)
No. 142823
>>142822I tried to tell him that the only way it would ever work again is if he gets back into therapy. But that conversation basically went like this: "Baby I'll do anything to fix this, I want it to be good again, I'll try anything!"
Then get therapy.
"no."
I ignored him right after that and within 20 mins of not saying anything or even opening his texts he said "I'll call my therapist in the morning" then popped some antidepressants she'd given him last year and went to sleep. He wakes up today like nothing happened, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't intend to get therapy since he's acting like we're still together.
Tbh it's not that hard since all we've done since we got back together was fight and argue and I'd never be able to tell him how I felt since he'd just shut down and cry and I'd have to spend two hours telling him I loved him and apologizing for upsetting him. I wanted to move in with him if we were still together in 2 years but I'm not gonna waste my time and future with him. I think I'm just in love with the old him when we dated the first time, I don't love this new person he is.
No. 142825
>>142823There was at least two of these relationships in the last vent thread.
Dump him, you aren't his mother as I believe it was said by someone in the last case. He sounds emotional maniulative, you don't have to stay with him to support him if you want to support him emotionally, but really you shouldn't feel like you have to support him either. You have your own life to care about.
No. 142826
>>142825He and I are over now, he assumed I was dumping him and ran with it so I guess we're over lol
Now he's in the phase where he's trying to get my attention, texting nonstop even if I don't respond, making me his #WCW even though he never did when we were dating. It's sad.
No. 142827
File: 1460577201384.jpg (44.66 KB, 400x400, depressed400.jpg)
>gf has flat chest
>will never accept that I love her flat chest and her
>have hours long arguments where she tells me i can never love her without surgery and she's going to get a boob job
wtf do i do
if i enjoy any game, movie or tv show that has boobs in it she gets triggered and starts using as evidence that i hate her chest
like we'll be playing together and a female enemy will appear and she'll get really depressed and not want to play
is there any way i can treat her better or help her accept that she is a qtpie?
No. 142828
>>142827As a girl with a flat chest and a bf that literally tried everything to make me feel good about my no-boobs i can tell u this
Nothing will work
If she really wants to get a boobjob then let her do it. The problem is not you but her. She needs to work on herself, you wont help.
Sorry pal
No. 142829
>>142828So i have to live the rest of my life with them never believing i love them
sounds great
No. 142831
>>142828did you get a boob job?
did it make you feel better?
did you just want more after you got a boob job?
No. 142832
>>142827Sorry but your gf sounds annoying as all hell and it seems like being with her would get old pretty fast.
>>142829And no one is forcing you stay with her for the rest of your life. If you do then you deserve a medal because holy shit.
No. 142833
>>142827Sounds like you're wasting a lot of time trying to argue her down about how she doesn't need the operation. When it comes to that, I would switch to the supportive role instead. You can't argue her into not being insecure anymore, so it's better to tell her stuff like how you'll be there for her when she gets the operation. Try and explore options with her. Basically, go along with her when she says she wants the boob job. Don't be like "yeah you look like Plank lets get that fixed" but "Well, I don't think you need it but if it's what you want then I'm here for you, lets look at some doctors in our area." Ya feel?
But to be frank she sounds annoying and dramatic. You can't even play video games or watch tv? What the fuck kind of life is that? I personally would have left her cause she's being ridiculous, but I don't think your intention of posting on here was to simply be told to dump her. She really needs to work on herself, unfortunately all you can do is be supportive of her but at the end of the day this is her own problem that she needs to work out. This is kind of the epitome of "It's not you, it's me" here.
No. 142834
>>142831No i will never get a boobjob
I know flat chests are considered undesirable by our whole society but i just decided to accept that. If you ask me, i like my boobs. I think theyre cute.
I just get insecure because everyone arounds me makes fun of them lol
No. 142837
>>142836Agree with this anon. You can get away with so much more as far as fashion is concerned. I jelly as all hell.
>>142835It sounds similar to my profile tbh. My status is In a Relationship but no one tagged. As far as the pics go, perhaps the one who posts pics of them just likes that sort of thing more than the other. Unless there are signs of one/both of them flirting with people or creeping on other profiles it probably doesn't mean much.
No. 142838
Where do you guys live where flat chests aren't desirable? I'm in a metropolitan area in the US and breasts are typically considered trashy and matronly when they get over around a D-cup. I got teased for having small breasts a bit in middle and high school – by the same slutty girls who would tease girls for being 'too thin' – but I always had the idea that they were objectively wrong, so it never bothered me.
Breasts are disgusting flappy udders, and guys who like them big have shit taste.
>>142820I'm not diagnosed with anything, never seen a psychiatrist or counselor at all. But
>your own mind attacks your thoughts/feelings and you doubt everything about yourself.This has been the defining part of my existence since I was a little kid. This is really depression related? It's got so advanced over the years that I am completely cut off from everyone else and feel like I'm just constantly tricking myself into new ways to doubt reality and hate myself and interpret everything as connected with everything else. I have never seen that described anywhere besides 'Notes from Underground.' 'Certainly not depression or anxiety. I only hear that to be a bunch of twats bitching about feeling sad and 'empty' or having 'panic attacks' when someone insults them. But I definitely have some major sensory issues on top of that too. I just don't see how anything can help with this.
>>142821I have done this for years, but my movements always seem stilted and unnatural. And the way I look at people in particular. Everyone has alway scommented that I have a completely flat affect. When I smile or get excited that combined with my blank stare just makes me look either scary or retarded.
Pardon the rambling and that this isn't even related to relationships any more.
Relating to my original post though, it seems that most of what I thought was humiliation really was just in my head. My boyfriend doesn't mean to me mean or to embarrass me. Hard to remember that though when you're at war with yourself.
No. 142840
File: 1460738421990.jpg (Spoiler Image,88.12 KB, 680x1024, 01.jpg)
>>142838>>142837>>142836Flat chests are extremely undesirable irl. Flat does not equal small, I'm talking about literally as flat as a boy. Even the most hugboxy places will say so unless a flat girl specifically asks if she's okay and even then most guys will say "surely you aren't actually flat" and "I don't care unless you're completely flat like a boy". All the "flat is justice" is referring to 2d and younger girls, not the average grown woman with a flat chest. I get shit for it irl constantly, but I have heard America is a lot more harsh and places more emphasis on breasts so it could be a matter of culture too.
When it comes to fashion unless I want to flash everyone taller then me I have to wear children's clothing or asian clothing cut for smaller chests. I'm also petite so that plays into it, but if you're truly flat and don't have an above average rib cage even juniors small will be way too baggy. I can't even wear actual bras so don't bother with that either. I have to wear children's training bras, sometimes even teenager's training bras don't fit.
Remember if it doesn't look like pic related it isn't flat. Flat isn't a sliding scale it's a concrete definition.
No. 142845
>>142838shit taste = evolutionary taste?
There is nothing wrong with breasts of any size. Breasts are a sign that a human is female and can carry babies, which makes one sexy to non-disgusting/pedophile males.
Sure, some guys fetishize small, some guys fetishize big, but in general, guys (even gays) love tits. Especially if they are on the girl that loves them.
I happen to have DD that look fake tbh because genetics but every guy has loved them and said they are perfect. I am sure each of the guys weren't specifically looking for DD tits, they just happened to be in a relationship with me.
No. 142851
File: 1461108339571.gif (494.96 KB, 480x270, anigif_enhanced-buzz-19760-137…)
Gotta say guys, this is definitely a case of the grass being greener.
I'm a sad, sad 34E and I fucking hate it. It doesn't matter how much weight I lose or how thin I get, everything looks matronly as fuck on me, like I'm some buxom, medieval bar wench.
I hate it so much I've taken to strapping myself down with XS sports bras which are no doubt fucking up my tits even more.
I fantasise about being an A cup all the time, and how elegant and fashionable I would look and how baggy tops would actually sit below my waist.
I think in our longing we've deluded ourselves though.
We think we want either itty bitties or giganto cow udders, but realistically I think we'd probably be best with some middle ground, like a small C-cup.
No. 142852
I'm nearly a christmas cake (i.e. will be 25 soon) and need to leave my sham of a relationship but I don't know how and I'm scared.
We've been together nearly 3 years, he is my first relationship, he has helped me be a stable, functioning person, he makes me laugh… and then there are the the things like, although we present as a couple, he won't actually call me his girlfriend because of my sexual past, he can be really mean to me, he's lazy and has no job while i work two and do all the housework/cooking/etc, can't have a future with me because I'm not white enough (and his life calling is apparently to produce pure white offspring.. he says he loves me but isn't in love with me, and we do get on really well, but if he could have his cake and eat it too he'd have me while also having a pure white waifu on the side who he has his children with.
so messy, but it's the only stability i've ever known and i'm afraid to leave. that and i moved to this country for him and love it here. if i leave, i will have to start over….
do i just save money and bail? :/ i'm afraid if i were on my own again i'd fall to pieces again straight away, im so self destructive on my own. that's why i'm almost considering doing what he wants.
No. 142853
>>142852Jeez, this is a mess. I'd personally, save money to leave and while doing all of that, getting myself in a good mental state to be able to take the steps to leave. That involves finding other people to talk to : friends, family, tinder (lol) if nothing else, to just expand my reach if ever I needed help. If your stability concerns stem from the fear of being alone, then first make sure you aren't alone. They don't seem to be financial since you make most the money.
He's a shithead if he's mean to you and berates you. You could love you better than he could love you. You're not going to fall to pieces on your own, you're going to make sure of that by creating a network of people you can hang out with or meet, while saving to leave.
No. 142854
>>142852Anon are you dating /pol/.
Also, leave. Don't debase yourself by subjecting yourself to such a person any further.
I'm surprised you haven't snapped and kicked the shit out of him by now tbh. He sounds like a worthless piece of trash.
No. 142856
>>142853Yeah i know, it's very messy. I've kinda been avoiding thinking about it until recently.
I've been saving money, so that shouldn't be an issue, I'll need a lot more if I do leave so I will have to stick it out a while… I am friendly with coworkers but its hard to develop anything because a. i'm not really allowed to leave the house except to go to work and b. they know him (it's a small town and his family is known) and so I can't really be honest and reveal much about our situation…
But see it's confusing because while he can be mean to me he's also done more for me than anybody else ever has, he comforts me when my anxiety is bad, reminds me to take my medication and eat, etc. so i don't understand. it's so confusing.
>>142854pretty much, he's very active on pol obviously and into politics and blah blah blah
ive snapped a couple times and attacked him (while drunk) and he hit me really hard. but i guess i deserved it? i struck first, after all. and when i sober up i get scared again but when i'm drunk i feel angry and want to leave. i haven't had any alcohol in a while because of how angry and resentful i get . i don't know, he's done so much for me, he has his redeeming qualities.
thanks for listening guys, ugh i have a lot to sort out.
No. 142857
>>142856This is the saddest thing I've read anon. Please leave him. Please please please you deserve so so much more in life. You'll either spend the rest of your life entirely miserable with him at best, or worst he could snap on you. You could also end up eventually leaving you when he never changes, which he won't.
Or you could leave now, and not waste any more time on a human sack of shit.
No. 142858
>>142857ty kind anon. i'd leave now but i need more money and i have to leave the country if i do leave him… i don't have an education and where i am currently i can make a liveable wage just doing things like waitressing whereas at home it's near impossible to live comfortably (or make ends meet at all) doing such things.
am i making excuses? it feels rational to me but i don't know anymore.
No. 142863
>>142855Right….. I think I must be wearing the wrong bra then because mine are much bigger than that.
Time to go get measured I think.
No. 142865
>>142864Whoa thanks.
I am going to do this later though because I am legit scared to know my size now.
Sage for OT.
No. 142866
>>142860i moved here for him on a partner visa so yeah i'd have to leave if we broke up. i could technically stay but if they found out id get deported and i don't want that trouble.
>>142861>>142859ty anons. i will try and come up with some sort of plan
>>142862i'm living in australia atm
No. 142868
>>142867My first reaction is to say you should leave him now, but what you should probably do is confront him about it. Tell him what you've been feeling and why you've been feeling that way. Communication is key.
Also, I get the sense that you haven't fully forgiven him? There are two kids of people: people that can forgive cheating, and people that can't. If you have even an inkling of resentment towards him for cheating on you, the relationship is doomed. That trust will never come back, and even when you do start to trust him again, it'll never be the same as what it was.
No. 142869
>>142867>>142868I agree very deeply with this anon's response. I was in a similar situation, my first boyfriend of 2.5 yrs cheated on me earlier in our relationship and I thought I could forgive him but I never did. That resentment I had towards what he'd done leaked out into a lot of unrelated things. You'll probably always have moments like this where you feel you can't trust him and you blame yourself if you haven't truly forgiven him. You can say you have forgiven him, but there's a huge difference between saying it and really truly meaning it. It's not wrong if you can't forgive him either, cheating is despicable.
You're not being unreasonable here, you were a victim of his cheating and it makes sense that you would be on guard. His behaviour sounds suspicious and he should be more respectful of the fact that he cheated on you before. Like the anon above me said, confront him and be honest with how you're feeling.
I'm sorry, and I wish you all the best.
No. 142870
>>142868>>142869Thank you guys so much.
Actually I've been suspicious and confronted him quite a lot. He always denies everything.
To explain a bit more, he works at a college and he cheated on me with a student. Therefore I'm always suspicious when he gets especially close to a female student.
Last night I read his messages and screen capped stuff like of him telling her to meet him in his office so they can hug and stuff.
When I confronted him this morning (not telling him I read the messages, but asking if he's been hugging any students or talking to one about stuff other than work) he lied to my face. He said he hadn't.
I checked his messages again and he has deleted parts of his conversation with her.
Of course I am resentful he cheated on me but honestly I love him so much that I forgave him. It's true though - my trust was never fully able to rebuild, but for good reason. I know him too well and his behaviour is repeating what happened when he cheated on me.
Honestly my chest is hurting like hell and I can't stop crying. I know I should probably end this now but the thought really scares me. I feel so awful and I don't know what to do.
No. 142871
>>142870He works at a college and he's been adding students on social media? Leaving out even the fact that he's fucked one of them, adding students on social media is usually heavily restricted.
Anon this guy is garbage. I don't really care about how sweet he "can be" and how much history you guys have together. He cheated on you once, fine, shit can sometimes happen, but now he's persisting in contact with this girl and fucking lying to your face on a regular basis? Yeah, you can't trust him. He's not trustworthy. He obviously doesn't value you and the relationship you've built up to be doing this kind of shit. Take out the trash.
No. 142873
>>142870Anon, you need to leave. This guy has demonstrated that he can't be trusted, and continues to demonstrate he can't be trusted. He had the fucking balls to LIE straight to your face about the existence of this girl, he's HIDING this from you. He doesn't want you to know because he knows what he's doing is wrong. You said yourself that you're recognising the patterns; he's cheating on you.
I know you love him, but this guy has hurt you and continues to fucking hurt you on purpose. You deserve so, SO much better than this guy. You deserve someone you can actually trust. The sooner you break it off, the sooner you can move on. Don't stay in this relationship with a guy that makes you cry.
Also, the fact that he's doing all this with students violates so many rules it's not even funny.
No. 142874
>>142870Oh poor baby. Break up with him, the sooner the better.
If he's lying to your face and you're crying because of him, it'll only be good for you even though at the beginning it'll hurt. The lying is a hella red flag tbh. Like, at least if he admired it and explained why and shit it would be less of a red flag ya know?
You need to end this. YOU NEED TO.
When I was 18 i dated this guy for 2 years (who cheated, we had been friends for 2 years before so we were good friends), I tried to forgive but he still kept doing it and lied to my face about it. I took too long breaking up with him, I feel all the time was wasted crying when I could have been healing.
please for your own mental health just break up with him, worrying will exhaust you and be pointless if the end result is him lying to your face and cheating behind your back.
No. 142877
>>142876No friend and I don't think women shelters really exist in my country.
I am trying to save money but I only have a shitty freelance job that doesn't get me much. No degree.
No. 142878
>>142867Same exact situation happened with me.
Was in my first relationship for two years with a guy we knew almost a decade. He cheated on me and acted the same way.
Then he cheated on me again.
Turns out he was cheating on me the entire relationship.
Emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating because it means he doesn't love you at all and doesn't respect you. You are not being crazy. You're being a rational human being.
Dump him, take care of yourself. Seriously, dump him.
No. 142880
File: 1461386932501.png (9.2 KB, 466x415, FORESTANTELOPE.png)
I need advice on my situation with this guy. I think it is important to note he has a job that he moved here for and works 60+ hrs a week.
We met online, he immediately wanted to get coffee a few hours later after meeting, I declined and instead we played video games.
The following week, he messaged me sporadically. After getting to know him, including his high school friends via vidya, I ask him, "so, do you still want to meet up?" I go to his apartment, get dinner with him and his brother. He pays. He makes suggestions for future outings (we can go here, we can do this, etc.) and basically forces me to borrow some of his comic books. We hug goodnight.
The following week, he messages me constantly. I get lunch with him on Saturday. He pays. We hang out for a little until he has to go back to work. He messages me throughout the day. Sunday, I come over, bring him lunch, buy him medicine and in general take care of him while he's sick. He feels better, we go shopping, we go back to his place and have really good sex. Nothing but positive feedback from him. I go home, we play video game.
This is where it gets strange. He completely fucking turns into an ice cube. He barely messages me. I say, "so, do you want to hang out again this weekend?" and he says "Possibly, I have errands." He plays video games with me at night, but he is very distant.
Did he literally only want to fuck, and now he's over me? I don't understand how everything could have been going so well, and now he is so cold and distant.
What should I say to him? Should I ask him if he only used me for sex?
My friends told me to be less available, so I am trying. I am just so confused because I was really into this guy. :(
No. 142883
>>142880Wow, you're pretty dumb if you slept with some guy after just meeting him and actually expected him to stick around. They just want to fuck you and then it's off to the next girl. Only do that if all you're looking for is sex because it usually ends like this if they have no real emotional attachment to you before they fuck you.
If you want to know for sure that a guy isn't just after sex, take the time to figure that out. Maybe wait until you know him better and have developed stronger feelings for him.
No. 142887
>>142886* interested
Lol, it's late
No. 142888
>>142881I am hoping he was just busy or something this week. I am trying not to let him know what I am thinking.
>>142883We had gone on 3 dates, and I even consulted the internet: it is 2-3 dates before you sleep with someone, on average. I had also known him for 2 weeks. I really don't think it was too early. Especially because he initiated it.
>>142884I agree, I will definitely not let this happen again.. especially if it is the reason he lost interest.
No. 142891
>>142890It's really weird because he is still texting me, he is still playing video games with me… he just doesn't want to hang out with me?
I am so confused. :(
I am thinking of straight up asking how he feels about me tomorrow. Like, what was this to him?
No. 142893
>>142453small vent: I like to wear make up because I hate the scarring on my face and like to cover it up. My boyfriend hates it a lot and when I go to a store to look at make up he will just vanish forcing me to leave to find him or tell me not to go in because make up makes him feel disgusted.
He says he doesn't want to kiss me knowing I have make up on because it makes him feel grossed out. I don't even wear a lot of make up, just enough to cover my blemishes. I don't really know why hes really phobic over make up but I find it extremely annoying. When I wear make up in secret he doesn't notice and everything is a okay.
No. 142902
>>142894He gets really weird over piercings too. For example when he see gauges or nose piercings he will throw up. I have no idea what his fear up make up is but I don't think it's the fuck boy logic of "take her to the pool on the first date". I asked him before and he told me he doesn't know why but it makes his stomach hurt.
It just annoys me that he gets so weirded out and runs from it.
No. 142904
>>142901I'm not super obsessed with virtue and purity but yeah. It's difficult to fully trust a girl or put her in a category of "I want spend my life with her" if she slept with you on the first date or meeting. I'm not someone who rants about sluts or hates them mind, I actually like a couple of promiscuous girls I know (though I do worry about their mental health).
I think most men, more implicitly than anything else, tend to divide up girls into "fling material" and "marriage/ltr material". That being said the "sluttier" girls are almost always more exciting in bed.
Hope this helps.
No. 142905
>>142889>not all guys are like thatSpeaking as a guy I'd be very careful.
When I was younger I used to pull the whole "I don't care about antiquated morality" routine. It was all an act though. Understand that young men will do and say almost anything to get into your pants. And listen to the other girl, the surest litmus test of a guy's interest in you is making him wait for sex.
It may sound unpalatable to you, but good advice is almost always hard to follow. It's never the path of least resistance that is best.
No. 142906
>>142903One thing I did when I was younger was keep a number of girls on my contact list, I'd keep in intermittent contact with them purely to get sex if my current relationship or whatever I was in wasn't working out.
Be smart. Most Asian girls I've met are smart. They don't give it up easily. They have a natural suspicion of male intentions that is, believe it or not, actually very healthy.
Most white women are just too gullible and trusting.
No. 142909
>>142905An honest man?
On lolcow?
WHAT YEAR IS THIS
No. 142911
>>142910It doesn't matter. I realize this isn't what you want to hear but smart girls withhold sex to test a guy's interest.
Incidentally "male feminists" are some of the sleaziest motherfuckers in this regard.
No. 142913
>>142870Anon you'll be able to find someone who loves you and would never cheat on you, I promise. The difference between being in a relationship with someone who cheated / cheats on you and lies to you and being with someone you can fully trust is like night and day.
You'll never be able to find peace with this man, he's lying to your face after he already cheated on you. You truly and honestly deserve better. I know it hurts but you need to do what's best for yourself.
No. 142914
>>142911Wow this worries me. I slept with my bf for the first meeting but we had talked a lot on the phone for almost 3 months before we met up. We mutually just couldn't keep our hands off each other. He also knew that previously I hadn't had sex for almost a year and he was the 3rd guy I'd ever been with so I don't know…He knew I wasn't into hook ups and stuff. I worry that he may not see me as long-term material now.
We've been together almost a year come June and are LDR for the moment but we see each other every few weeks and text/call every day. It should be okay, right? I'm freaking out now. I'm so close to being in love with this guy.
No. 142917
File: 1461602442374.jpg (30.32 KB, 500x281, tumblr_mguw87Kpg01ruj8upo1_500…)
>>142453I'm in a pretty new relationship with a guy i was previously best friends with. It probably is a bad idea to go from best friends to bf/gf but oh well.
Anyways, it has all been good and well until we and the rest of the friend group + some more people took a casual trip just to drink and have fun for a couple of day. I had a blast but i noticed he was in a kinda shitty mood the whole time. Turns out he was jealous and mad that i had fun with our male friends and even made a new friend (male). Now, i would be fine with slowing down on the friendliness, if he didn't act even worse towards his female friends, which aren't mutual friends either.
He hugs them, touches them, talks to them about emotional problems and all that. And just now on his snapchat story (kek) his female friend had posted some pics, innocent enough, just dyed her hair etc, but there was one pic with his arm around her, which he deleted 2 minutes afterwards. This is all pretty hurtful but just because he won't accept friendly banter between me and our mutual male friends but finds it totally acceptable for him to act this way. I would literally have no problem with this if he wasn't such a bitch about the way i act. I guess this is more of a rant but i'll be happy for advice too.
No. 142921
>>142916is this an american thing? where I live no one really cares at what point you sleep with someone. at least if you're over the age of 21.
>>142920yes.
No. 142923
>>142919No, you should really dump him. He's either insecure as fuck, or as this anon said
>>142920, he's being possessive over you because he's projecting his own urges or whatever. Just dump him, you can do better than this.
No. 142924
File: 1461687852497.png (28.59 KB, 300x162, 1429587872311.png)
I feel like my boyfriend doubts me when it comes to my major. Currently I'm not in college because I just moved to this state. I'm saving up money so I can go back to school part time and my current job will pay for me partly to become a pharmacist. They even said after a few months I can work in their pharmacy. I'm teaching myself chemistry on my own before I start classes and my boyfriend act's like I'm not studying because I don't study when he's around since we usually just end up talking about video games or anything else and that's distracting. I've been researching the job and what to be expecting in college and after I graduate.
When I tell him he gets really weird and sounds very doubtful of me. He'll say things like "You know you're going to be doing a lot of math and chemistry" or "that's 8 years of school you know, you're 20 it's too late."
It bothers me so much. It makes me feel like he thinks I'm stupid or lazy. I think this might be because my first year of college I had a hard time, my mom use to take my text books and computer away from me so I couldn't do work and my grades did suffer from it. I didn't fail any classes, cept maybe one. I was told my gpa can still be brought up past a 3.0 if I work really hard and I plan on doing so.
My boyfriend doesn't think I can do it, he acts like my GPA can't be saved.
I messaged him about it today and he said he doesn't doubt my intelligence but he doubts I'll be financially able to go to school for this for 8 year. I don't know what to say to that or how to respond.
No. 142925
File: 1461690290698.gif (959.67 KB, 500x280, yolo.gif)
Not a question about my relationship with my boyfriend, but it's about my relationship with his family… Hope this is allowed. His mother is certified crazy, used to be addicted to prescription pills, but she's pretty hands off when it comes to her kids so we're cool. His brother is also certified crazy. Likes drugs, but can't take them at his current job, still smokes weed though. I despise him and wish I never had to come into contact with him. Pathological liar and general asshole. I'm worried he'll snap any minute as he has in the past. His sister is typical white suburb soccer mom. Regressive liberal/sjw. Gets offended if you breathe in her direction wrong. Luckily, his dad isn't really in the picture. He's in jail currently on multiple drug charges. I… I guess I just don't know how to act around these
No. 142926
>>142925Oops, post got cut off somehow.
I don't know how to act around these people. My family has it's problems, but I've never had to deal with this level of disfunctionality before. They all live pretty far from one another, on the bright side, so I don't have to deal with many family gatherings.
No. 142930
>>142924Just wondering, does he have a job, or is he studying? I feel like that might have something to do with it, now that he's mentioned money. I've heard of some partners getting resentful when they're the breadwinner and have to take on their partner's debt, but you're working p/t so that shouldn't be a huge issue? Either that, or he has an issue with women in STEM or something idk?
Otherwise, I can't see what his deal is? You seem pragmatic: you have a p/t job to pay for some of your fees, you're studying ahead, and you've done research on future careers so you know what you're getting into. Most people graduate in their late 20s, so I don't see what the big deal is there, especially since your degree is a professional degree (?).
Also, your GPA being a bit low sounds like it was completely out of your hands because of your mum, as opposed to you being incapable, and it's really impressive that you only fail one class without textbooks and a computer tbh. I can't even imagine how many hoops you had to jump through to manage that.
You should probably sit down and have a good talk to him about it, because it sounds like he's got something he's repressing here.
All the best for your studies anon!
No. 142935
File: 1461969548674.png (Spoiler Image,995.21 KB, 1080x1920, Screenshot_2016-04-29-23-17-36…)
My boyfriend of almost a decade has recently become considerably more attractive than me.
I don't really consider this a bad thing, it's just making me feel a bit …not really insecure, but more 'blech' if that makes sense.
We're both at university, and although he's graduating in less than a month now, throughout his journey he's managed to maintain this fantastic energy and drive to work out regularly and keep up with all his shit, whereas as with me whenever I come in I'm just so fucking tired all I want to do is crawl into bed and pass out.
10 years though, the connection between us is so strong it really does transcend beyond just physical attraction. He really is my best friend and soul mate, but I'm frustrated because, although I have problems with my body that are irreparable (stretchmarks, scars, saggo tiddies, not-so-tight skin from a depressed/fat period), I want to be the (attainable) best that I can be for him/myself.
I'm just SO fucking tired all the time though. How the fuck do people into life and academia simultaneously? Are you all amazing or am I just shit?
He keeps sending me Snapchats and I'm like, I mean look at this shit. Literally the only thing that makes me feel better for having something over him is that he has wrinkles and I don't. Bruh'.
No. 142937
>>142936Not even gonna lie, p.much.
He legit won the skeletal structure lottery though; got they V-taper for dayssss
the cuck.
No. 142938
>>142880I wanted to update you guys on this.
He admitted he friendzoned me. He is insistent on us being friends. As soon as it was in the air, he acted super friendly and nice. I was (I think understandably) pissed and not into being a friend. Then he apologized and acted sorry.
The weird part is, he legit does not have another girl. I found out he is 32 and has only had ONE short term relationship, and a few dates. I have no idea what to make of that, or that he decided I'm "not what he wants" after 3 dates.
No. 142940
>>142937it looks like he has scoliosis tho
most men have a v-taper…
i dont think your standards are very high
just work out and you will have more energy, or get tested for vitamin deficiencies and stuff, or you're just lazy.
No. 142943
>>142941
>beer gut Aha, girl that's an adonis belt, you get it from working out and having a low enough body fat, though apparently it's genetic so not all men can develop one though?
Have you seriously never seen one before?
No. 142944
File: 1462014935308.jpg (Spoiler Image,157.77 KB, 868x1600, 2016-04-30-12-10-02-994.jpg)
>>142940Nah it's just the angle, he's twisting his bod.
Idk I think he looks amazing. You guys don't like this body type? What's the general preference around here anyway? Built fat? Ottermode? Ausxhwitz? Fat-fat?
No. 142945
>>142944he looks good i think. the other anons are exaggerating
but you might see him through rose coloured glasses too hes not really amazing
No. 142949
>>142943No, and I wish anon hadn't had graced my eyes with it because I really don't need something so gross in my memory.
>>142944Anon please, love yourself.
>>142945Those must be some coke bottle-sized rose coloured glasses tbh.
No. 142951
File: 1462025218856.jpg (25.93 KB, 400x268, duane-michaels.jpg)
>>142949Are you
TRIGGERED?
No. 142952
>>142944He's nothing special, looks like a normal dude.
I hate the little chest hairs though, so that's really putting me off.
I bet you see him in a special light 'cause he's your SO so don't worry. But if you're not happy with the way you are now, then maybe it's better to make positive changes in your life, like working out or eating healthier etc.
No. 142953
>>142952Yeah, it's just difficult because I already eat pretty healthy (vegetarian), I drink a lot of water, take all my supps, just walking to and from university is 2 miles everyday, but I'm still kind of a doughy, exhausted mess, whereas hes busting out his dissertation and in the best shape of his life.
Maybe it's just academic fatigue or something. It's weird how spending so much time physically sitting around but mentally working your ass off can drain you of so much energy.
No. 142954
File: 1462026378093.jpg (29.29 KB, 450x351, 1460002271981-0.jpg)
>>142935>>142943>>142944>>142951He has a lot of work to do before I'd consider him "amazing". You're trying to make him out to be fucking Adonis, but that is not the case, so kindly shut up about it, anon.
>>142953You might have an underlying cause for your fatigue. Seeing a doctor might not be a bad idea. And as weird as it seems, taking up regular exercising actually gives you more energy.
No. 142956
>>142951This looks fine, but ya boy looks like he had too much to eat for lunch.
As said by >>27619:
>You're trying to make him out to be fucking Adonis, but that is not the case, so kindly shut up about it, anon. No. 142958
>>142935This might be some dude posting to get us fawn over his weak-ass body, just saying…
The chest hair is spectacular.
No. 142960
>>142942That's what I'm thinking. It just doesn't make sense. I mean he clearly isn't gay.
I think it is a family thing. His brother seems pretty flighty too. About the same age and no girlfriend either.
No. 142963
>>142960Yeah or he's just not that into you. Having sex plus wanting to be friends doesn't equate love. Just because there aren't any other options doesn't mean he has to fall in love with you.
Most of the times a woman thinks a man has some secret reason why he doesn't want to be with her he just doesn't want to be with her.
Ask him if there's some secret reason. If he says no, let it go…
No. 142966
>>142934My personality is pretty domineering. I also run in circles that have these types and have for years. I take optimal care of myself as well, I think it doesn't matter whether masc or fem if you make yourself attractive enough to appeal to both genders, sort of transcend etc.
>>142950I'm hyper-femme sorry but you make a valid point in the norm.
No. 142970
>>142944If he's telling you he hits the gym regularly and you believe him, you're a fool.
That's (below-average) regular guy meat, he has no pecs and not even a hint of a six-pack, you're not fooling us at least.
No. 142971
File: 1462046611981.jpg (Spoiler Image,664.86 KB, 1728x2592, fsfdsf.jpg)
I want to know where the fuck it is you guys all live that your men come out of the womb looking hench and this is considered Mr. Skeletal…
Is everybody on lolcow dating underwear models or am I being trolled?
No. 142973
>>142971He looks pretty good in this one but man
>>142935 looks like he's deformed or some shit.
Also dat pedostache
No. 142974
>>142971It feels like you're trolling everyone with posting gross half-naked photos of your boyfriend.
Why can't you understand it that you're the only person who finds him hot? Is it seriously important to you that random strangers need to find him hot? Noone fucking cares, you said he has a hot body and anons have told you otherwise, give it a rest.
No. 142976
>>142974This is shady as fuck.
1. I would never post naked pictures of my boyfriend online. If he found them he'd dump my ass (rightfully so)
2.
If I did that and other anons told me he isn’t hot I'd give it a rest
Still think it's the guy…
No. 142979
>>142978You're being clingy because you're insecure about something, find out that underlining cause and fix it.
Most likely your insecurity, is the thing that keeps popping into your head frequently when he isn't talking to you.
Example, for me it was:
He's out doing things, and I'm home alone, can't make friends very well cause of my attitude.
So, the problem is my attitude, how I perceive myself and get along with others.
If that makes sense
No. 142980
Applying this
>>142979 to this
>>142935Same thing, you're insecure about your looks.
I think your post is very telling, you feel as though you are in different places at the moment - as far as physical appearances go.
What's good, is that it doesn't sound like you're worried he'll cheat on your or anything like that. It's good because it sounds like both of you still have an emotional and mental connection, and it doesn't seem shallow.
I would say, the only way you're going to feel better is if you start working out or dieting.
No. 142981
>>142980idk man, I don't feel like I'm insecure much at all. I'm actually pretty confident about my basal appearance, like my skin and hair is in fantastic condition, I can walk around without makeup quite confidently, and when I get all dressed up for a night out I'm practically kissing the mirror.
I feel like my problem is that I'm bummed out by the irreversible.
Like, even if I stopped being a chunky fuck and became 11/10 ripped grill not a whole lot would change. I'd still have stretch mark scars, I'd still have loos-ish skin on my stomach and upper arms, my tiddies would still suck, I'd still have FUCKING. MYOPIA.
I'm damaged, and nothing I do will ever reverse that damage. It depresses me. I want to be pure but I hurt myself and now I can't go back and fix things and that really fucks me. I don't know how to accept it.
God knows how people who lose like 200-300lbs and end up having to get surgery to remove all that loose skin leaving them looking like Frankenstein's Monster cope with it. I would probably sudoku.
No. 142982
>>142981Ok, I feel you. I guess it was just the way I read it.
There's actually a lot that you can do, that you don't need to do surgically. I'm actually a med student, and I work at a doctor's office part-time. You learn a lot in school, but even more how doctor's work when you work with them. There's a lot of things that they don't tell patients, simply because they get paid a lot not to talk about.
There are things you can do at home, but they won't restore you to 100% perfection.
Bio-oil is a great product for the skin, Vitamin E also, coco/shea butter.
If you've got a lot of loose skin, do wraps while you exercise, and also try not to exercise excessively. Skin does have some elasticity, especially if you're young, but it's a very slow pull.
I would also get an ice roller, you can get them on amazon relatively cheap, or just save up for one. Roll it on your skin daily, or even twice a day - especially after work outs. It'll help firm the skin. Also, giving yourself some hard body massages will help.
Doing these things though, can be tiring, especially because results are not immediate like they are in a doctor's office. But, they're cheap and still effective.
One thing I know that helps breast perkiness, as weird and stupid as it sounds - wear a good fitting bra at all times, even while sleeping; especially if you've got large breasts. Larger busts need good support, if you're not one to wear a bra while lounging at home and at bed, give it a try for a month - you'll notice a lift.
I think what would help too, again, as stupid as it sounds. Is when you wake up in the morning and you're doing your skin care routine or in the shower, watch those empowering youtube videos. The ones that say "my body is beautiful", love yourself.
No. 142983
>>142982Thanks Anon, this did actually perk me up some (just not in the places I need it AMIRITE).
I already so derma rolling and shit with almond/bio oil, but I'll definitely look into the other stuff mentioned.
Thank you for taking the time to console me like that, I really appreciate it.
No. 142984
>>142983No problem, thanks for being nice because I actually do not feel like I helped lmao.
But I don't think you should feel knocked down, because there really is SO much people can do that doesn't involve a doctor's visit - but a lot of times when I talk about it I feel like I sound like a health nut.
No. 142989
>>142987depends on how he acts the morning after. if he's like "…shit I fucked up" and owns up to it and apologized if those things affected me (idk if I'm frantically trying to get a hold of him but his phone is smashed + its super late or something), i'd be disappointed but otherwise forgive him.
If this is a reoccurring thing then I'd be really annoyed
If afterwards he acts like a jerk about it (if it affected me) or complains about the phone/hangover/having to go to work when it's his own damn fault then I'd get pissed
No. 142990
>>142989>If afterwards he acts like a jerk about it (if it affected me) or complains about the phone/hangover/having to go to work when it's his own damn fault then I'd get pissedThat's exactly what he did
>>142988I dunno, I guess it doesn't really affect me except that I'm with him for 2 days afterwards and he's been asleep/hungover the whole time and expects me to be sympathetic, instead of thinking he's an idiot. I'm probably overreacting though. Thanks guys.
No. 142991
Hi guys. I guess this is more of a rant but i would love your opinion, hopefully it won't be hard to understand, english is not my first language.
I was dating with this guy, he was (is?) suicidal, and just had a lot of problems with his family and stuff. The start of the relationship was a mess, mostly using each other for sex and he would flirt with everyone,i felt pretty shitty ngl), but weirdly we started actually liking each other and actually dating, so he stopped flirting, it was fine for like 7 months.
But now he says he's too stressed because of work, and said we should take a break. We completely stopped talking (because he said so) and he's flirting a lot, again. I've started to despise him because of that, he says that it's all about trust, but i think it's more of a respect issue. Not only that, but during this break, I've started seeing this really adorable guy and we're all flirty and idk
the problem is,I still feel terrible about breaking up with him. I honestly don't know what to do.
No. 142992
File: 1462161280955.png (115.92 KB, 324x359, 1394208294425.png)
>Start dating guy
>first real relationship in 6-7 years
>best friend has been in love with me, he's really depressed and I can't fix it
>Even offer to leave boyfriend so I don't lose best friend (would honestly just be miserable and alone then lose such a close friend)
>I'm the biggest piece of shit
It seems like lately I just can't do one thing right, my mother has successfully been making me feel shitty because in her words "you are suppose to end up with -best friend-" I've turned down dates with guys before in fear I might actually start liking them. I feel like an idiot for living this way so long. He has been my best friend for about 5 years, I've tried in the past to have romantic feelings for him but, it just wasn't possible. I've been super depressed lately thinking about how much it is hurting him now, and i think its effecting my current feelings with the new guy.
I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a couple years, but this stress is starting to really depress me because I feel stuck and feel like the worst person in the world.
I don't know what's more difficult, losing my best friend who was my only friend for the longest time
or
Run away from a pretty nice relationship and alone rip
No. 142993
>>142992Do what you feel is right. I was in a similar situation as you. Everyone expected me to date my best friend but I just had no feelings for him. I chose another guy that I actually liked, and lost my best friend's friendship. If a guy can't handle you dating someone, he wouldn't have been worth or dating for, if that makes any sense. If he really was your friend, it shouldn't be a problem.
But if it makes YOU feel that bad, maybe deep down you actually have feelings for your best friend.
No. 142994
>>142992you're not obligated to date someone you're not romantically interested in, it sucks for your friend but a true friend will still be there as cheesy as it sounds. Your friendship shouldn't be over just because they want to be with you and things like that always made me question the validity of the friendship if it's a be with me or we can't be friends situation.
You're not a bad person and it's not your mother who has to date the guy, whether your relationship with this other good or bad its a learning experience and you deserve to do what makes you happy.
Not following your heart even though it may be hard now will only leave you with more stress and regret. If he truly is your friend he will grow to accept it but there does need to be time for him to get over it.
No. 142995
>>142994>Your friendship shouldn't be over just because they want to be with you and things like that always made me question the validity of the friendship if it's a be with me or we can't be friends situation.I think most times it's more about self-preservation than anything else. Most people can't just instantly turn off their feelings, especially if they're close friends and see the other person often. I don't think it speaks badly of your previous friendship to want to avoid the pain of seeing someone you like with somebody else - it can be especially painful with someone who knows you very well and sees you for who you are.
I don't think anyone is obligated to do anything in this case - neither her friend to remain friends, nor her to date him. As you said, you just have to go with how you feel.
No. 142997
>>142991Leave him.
If he's suicidal, he might use that against you at some point. He sounds like he's flirting with other girls behind your back too, if you don't mind that then it's fine.
I would move on.
No. 143001
>>142998You should talk to your so.
I actually seem a lot like her, and maybe even if you talked to her "hey we need to communicate more" it might not happen.
She might not be at that point in her life, where she can open up. It's an extremely difficult process. I'm 23 turning 24, and literally two weeks ago I realized I never say 'ily' to anyone because as a child I was beaten for saying it to my mother. The thought that I never said it to even my boyfriend, really struck a cord with me. Of course I knew why I never said it, and I knew how it made him feel - I can't really explain it but it was a sudden realization that I didn't want to continue on with that hatred and sadness in me.
Life is tough, I understand her struggle. I think she needs to have her own epiphanies, and if you're the for the ride then cool, and if not then that's just how it is.
No. 143002
File: 1462350763809.jpg (490.79 KB, 1600x1200, fuuuuuuuuuck.jpg)
Has anyone else dated a bf or gf who fucks up on a regular basis and had terrible self-esteem issues?
>am 24, bf is 25
>we've been dating for 2 years
>met him when I was in grad school, he dropped out and never got his degree
>we live together in an apartment
>before that we lived with my parents for a 6 month stint rent-free
>bf managed to get his horrible credit score due to unpaid student loans back up
>however he was supposed to save up for a car during that time but he did not
>pissed it away on Star Wars stuff
>didn't even get his driver's license
>now he has terrible self-esteem issues because he can't advance in any job without reliable transport, the jobs he gets are sucky
>we live in a more expensive apartment because he needs to be able to walk or bike to where ever he works
>feel like if I was ever out completely he could not handle supporting me, whereas I could do so for him
And that shit might be tolerable if he didn't have the irresponsibility of a teen. When it comes to household upkeep he's a complete slob. He never puts things back where they belong, he throws shit such as clothes all over the floor when he gets home, if he dirties something he won't clean it even if it's simple (like leaving dishes around the house instead of putting them in dishwasher), and he doesn't do most chores or cook without a nag or prompt from me.
Here's an overview of my day three nights ago:
>work night shift (until 1am) so I usually don't go to bed until 3am
>doze off around 4am
>bf wakes me up at 5am telling me that he slept through his alarm and won't be able to walk to work in time and if I can give him a ride
>feel like telling him to call Uber but whatever
>I angrily wake up
>walk over to the door
>notice he did a hamper of laundry last night but didn't fold the clothes
>laundry is the only chore he does without prompt but only because all he's doing is throwing shit into bins and baskets
>notice there's children's underwear that got thrown out of hamper after he dug for his work clothes
>we have to do laundry in apartment's facility
>get really grossed out/pissed off that a pair of underwear got in with our "clean" clothes all because he was too lazy to check the machines before tossing our shit in
>take his ass to work
>tries to kiss me but I tell him to gtfo
>I get stuck in morning hour traffic
>can't go back to sleep
>he gets a friend to take him home
>when he gets home I ask him to make food
>tell him to make pancakes
>because how THE FUCK can you fuck up pancakes for dinner?!?!?
>he brings out pancakes
>they look normal so I begin eating outer edges
>"Looks like you haven't found the surprise yet anon haha!"
>….what surprise?
>"I put slices of cheese in the pancake!"
>try to cut pancake through middle
>rubbery, soured cheese makes it difficult to cut
>"Uh bf this isn't what I wanted and it's fucking gross, you eat it. Who puts monterey jack in a fucking pancake mix?"
>want to physically smack him but I fucking can't
>mfw he's just so fucking retarded
No. 143003
>>143002YES
I feel your pain entirely, anon.
25yo boyfriend
lazy, lives with mother, had a wonderful ex but he took her for granted for years so she left
unappreciative, guilt trippy, whines. Same shitty job for many years, never does anything except mope, feel sorry for himself or bitch on social media
Excuses his fucking up and blames it on me or others, has become more and more abusive. I don't know what pisses me off more, that or his laziness and self pity.
Tbh you and I probably both need to get out and find someone who makes us happier. I've been patient but he never changes, his ex talked to me about it and his true colours haven't changed in years.
He's also a massive cheat so there's that. Lazy, the minute you're dating you're not his idea of perfect because dating is effort and not just flirting with a girl he finds pretty.
Also who puts cheese in pancakes.
He's weighing you down and I completely fucking feel you.
No. 143004
>>143003>>143002You need to find someone new. Do you really want to build a future with these losers?
You're not getting any younger either and it gets harder to find someone good if you wait too long.
No. 143012
>>143011well, leave only if it's come to a point where you've talked this over but he refuses to listen anymore. I wouldn't leave without discussing it but if he doesn't appreciate you, the patience or effort you put in he isn't going to change.
My SO's ex told me that he did this eight years ago and somehow he's still playing around now, avoiding therapy and help, blaming me or anyone else or her even though she cut him off five or six long years ago.
you are worth all the effort and appreciation, too
No. 143013
>>143011Thanks! I needed to correct some awful grammar mistakes which is why I reposted.
I'm really not sure about leaving. The thing is he started therapy about 5 months ago. He started his job around the same time which is quite a difficult thing right after you learned that you've probably been depressed your entire live and never got help … so shouldn't I at least give him some time?
I've talked this through with him. He does understand. A couple of weeks ago he sent me a text in the middle of the night saying he's ok with me leaving if I'm happier this way but that he doesn't want me to leave. He was pretty drunk. I didn't read it until the next morning and he had already apologized for it by then. This made me really sad. I’m so emotional attached to him and I can’t even say why.
No. 143014
>>143005RECORD.
Voice Record, Video record. RECORD EVERYTHING.
I had a boyfriend like both of yours, finally I said fuck it and we played a game of chicken. Told him I'm leaving you and you can do whatever the fuck you want, he never did anything.
I took a huge risk, don't recommend it.
If you have a good job, let them know you're being threatened and in an abusive relationship. If they have good HR, they'll help you.
No. 143015
>>143010I would still say leave him.
You're obviously unhappy, and your entire post is making excuses for him.
> he's great!!! but….I've got a shit ton of mental illnesses, had a super shitty childhood. The point is, you have to keep going, life doesn't stop for you. He's making excuses because you let him, give him and inch and he'll take a mile.
No. 143018
>>143003>cheater, guilt trippy, abusiveJeez. I'm the anon you responded to but I'm glad my bf isn't quite like that.
Mine's just stupid, and wants to be "the man" in charge but doesn't want to admit that I hold most of the financial power in our relationship as well as having most control over the domicile.
Now granted, I wouldn't have a problem with him having some control over one or the other. But he doesn't contribute much to either, expects me to pick up slack, and if he gets tested financially he has a MELTDOWN.
Ex. Last month I took a little too much voluntary time from work and didn't have quite enough to cover my half of rent ($400), so he picked that up with some of his tax return but threatened that I "owed" him that money back. Which MIGHT be fair, if he hadn't boarded up with my family for six fucking months rent-free while he was supposed to have been saving (didn't even accomplish that), and never gave my parents a dime! He also fucked up my tax return so my money was delayed because of him helping.
He's just a real drag sometimes, and I feel like if I were independent again I could be traveling or doing something other than going to work, sleeping, and trying to keep our shitty apartment afloat.
>>143004Do you really want to build a future with these losers?
It's complicated. Even if I wanted to end this tomorrow there's no easy way out of this relationship without me looking like a bitchy evil villain.
His family are ghetto trash and in no way will come down here, help him pack his shit, and drive him back the five states away where he's from. His friends claim they care about him, but I highly doubt they'd be
that committed to help. Even they had problems living with him when he was their roommate because he's a big-shot slob who believes he's in charge.
We also signed the lease together so on top of that, I would have to somehow expect him to save up his portion of two month's rent to sever the agreement prematurely. Either way, it just feels like a lingering monster if all of my talks with him fail and I do get frustrated enough to leave.
His ONLY saving grace with me is that he's a sociable, likable person who I get along with on a personal level. I just want to feel like I'm dating an adult, and not some demented iteration of a teenager.
No. 143019
File: 1462552032829.gif (578.24 KB, 499x499, 34496460769 - world war ii the…)
>>142904What sort of holding out is needed to not be "fling material?"
No. 143020
File: 1462552816688.png (461.97 KB, 465x475, robins husband scott agreed to…)
>>142905>the surest litmus test of a guy's interest in you is making him wait for sex.Could you explain in a more detailed manner, please?
>>142927How do you know if you're giving them too much of a hard time? Too little?
>>142908>It's all hot air. Trust me. Men lie aboit this shit so much, I've pretended to be "progressive" to get sex in the past too.In this same vein, do men care about where women are, politically? Di progressives care more than conservatives or vice versa?
Has anyone ever pursued a girl specifically because of her political leanings, or avoided her for this reason?
>>142931>This tbh, even if it was written by a man. It's important to be wary and not let your guard down. Even if he promises you the world, even if he marries you, even if he gives you kids, remain suspicious as fuck.Really?
No. 143022
File: 1462576753385.jpg (64.66 KB, 620x800, one-pretty-woman-means-fun-at-…)
>>142483Old post, but I have insight.
I'm a guy and I started reading the redpilled stuff. It's partly true, but it's too egocentric and the proper application of thought is incorrect.
The redpilled stuff fucks with your mind, and if you buy into what it's teaching you can become jaded and paranoid.
It mostly preaches the negative qualities of women with few redeeming factors-and lots of evidence to support such. In addition to this the more radical interpretation of redpill ideas are by far the most popular.
I quit reading it cold turkey. When I first started reading theredpill it helped early in my relationship to re-establish boundaries and made me happier, but when a pendulum swings it goes past the middle and oscillates to the other extreme.
I quit reading it and applying the more extreme stuff after I saw how sad and depressed it made my gf.
The only reason I say this is because your post reads exactly how I was behaving and how she said she felt.
We are great now. There is hope for recovery. The guy is probably just bitter. He'll have to get over it on his own .
No. 143023
File: 1462631952361.jpeg (42.39 KB, 645x1260, image.jpeg)
>be me, never believe in love and all that stuff
>talk to my male friend a lot, do fun stuff, share things with him
>a year later I realise I have feelings for him
>first time ever I've felt love for someone
>get rejected
>spiral into depression for a month
>insane self loath
>now, get a new bf
>he told me I'm clingy
>he doesn't like how negative I am sometimes
>sometimes my thoughts hurt me with things like "I'm stupid" or "I'm never going to make it, I'm not smart" pressuring myself in my studies and looks
>I want to do everything better than my ex male friend
>bf is always busy with school and other things
>can't see each other often
>all in me now in hatred towards my ex friend and sadness from my negativity and the problems in my life right now
what do?
No. 143024
>>143023Reboot your life and reinvent yourself. Many different ways to do this, and I guess what works varies from person to person. Examples:
- start working out/lose weight
- move to a different place
- acquire new hobbies/join clubs
- quit your job/acquire a new job
- change your looks/fashion/hairstyle
etc. Do any, all or some combination of the above.
You will get a new outlook on life, and things will be different. I've done all of these in the past, and it worked great for me. You might not think it works, but you will gain a new perspective on life.
No. 143025
>>143024thanks for the advice
>start working out/lose weightbeen working on that, maybe its my negative thoughts at first that told me "if I was prettier…" but if I was prettier etc and he liked me, thats just shallow of him. I dropped 5kg and its been one and a half months since we've stopped being friends. feelsbadman
>move to a different placedifficult, but there isn't a need. Our friendship was mostly on social media. I disappeared from all the places I've used to be apart of online. Maybe it helped.
>acquire new hobbies/join clubsI've been looking into this. But so far no luck. No interests in anything. Literally dead inside now. Not even interested in what I used to be into.
>quit your job/acquire a new jobgood idea. I'll get to that soon.
>change your looks/fashion/hairstyleyep, I'm on that. Upgrading my wardrobe.
To be honest, I've been ovsessing over self improvement so much it's taken a toll on me. How do I be happy with myself? I've been hiding this from my current bf because he doesn't like hearing this.
No. 143026
>>143025Moving to a different place is not about escaping from him (or anyone else in particular). It's about gaining new perspective, which you WILL when you move. Especially if you move to e.g. a different country or a place that is completely different. What's stopping you from moving to a completely different country halfway across the world? Nothing. Once you realize there is nothing that holds you back, and that you can do absolutely anything you want, you will feel free and empowered in a way you hadn't thought possible before.
But even if you just move to a different city, the amount of stuff, new tasks and new challenges that will come to you (finding apartments, jobs, new friends, …) will give you so much to chew on that you will automatically forget all about the bad and ultimately irrelevant things that used to drag you down.
I don't think if self-improvement is taking a toll on you, that you're doing it right. It should be energizing and motivating. You shouldn't need to ask "when should I stop improving", but every time you're looking at yourself, you should be happy how far you've come, and get motivated to go further.
I don't know what you're doing wrong or what you'd have to change in the way you do things to achieve this, but it sounds like you're not self-improving right now as much as stressing yourself out. Maybe you'll want to take some time off (and not be in a relationship for a while, maybe – sounds like your current relationship is more of a fastfood stopgap thing anyway) and figure out what you want to do with life and where you want to go.
Anyway, I don't know you and can only say what has worked for me in the past.
No. 143028
I'd really like some help.
How do I get over someone I never had in the first place? We met on tumblr in 2014. I'm 17 now, he'll be 19 soon. Because of childhood shit I just sort of..became dependent on his validation I guess. We really started talking in October and everything went downhill from there - I was always nervous that we had nothing in common, he didn't really like me, that the reason he didn't respond was cos I'm boring, etc. But he was also there for me when things were really bad at home, so I let him in and told him almost everything.
The problem is that it took over my life. I've had two horrible break downs over this guy (he has no idea); and anytime I see him posting about moving, his birthday, etc., there's like this sinking feeling in my stomach. It's not that I want him to be held back…I want him to be happy. Idk what it is. Also throughout the years he's consistently said and proven he's an unreliable person.
He was also friends with my other tumblr friend, who's 20. They were really tight (strictly platonically) but had a falling out; she hasn't talked to him in a year. He messaged her today with, "I still have that card you sent me" and she responded even though she said she never wanted to speak to him again. I know I'm a bad person for this but it disappointed me so much and I hate myself for it. Last night he told me how he had the worst day of his life, so I tried to make him feel better but the entire thing seemed so forced. And the fact that he messaged her makes me feel like an idiot, like he'll never feel as close to me as he does to her even though a) he messaged me on skype last night first and b) tells me we'll never not be friends. We've gone from flirting, me sending him minorly lewd pics or just joking around to having conversations where i don't even feel like we're friends? It's like with everyone else I know how to kid around with but with him I seize up and can't joke around at all.
My anxiety and depression have gotten progressively worse, in part because of this. I'm very sick of being jealous and insecure and I'd like to move on but don't know how. Has anyone gone through something similar? Please help. I just want to get over him.(underage)
No. 143029
>>143028Stop using tumblr altogether, and you'll forget about him quickly. You're 17, nothing you're doing now and no relationship you have right now will mean or affect anything later in your life in any way whatsoever. Once you walk away from this, no-one will know or care, and it will not come back to you in any way.
That might sound harsh, but once you get older, you'll gain perspective and see that it's true. There'll be many more relationships and breakups you'll get over. This person doesn't matter to you, and in four-five let alone ten more years, you will probably barely remember who he was.
Just like you, he is confused about what to do with his life, what matters and what doesn't, and is just flailing around. He doesn't know what he wants (well, at some fundamental level, everyone wants to attain abstract goals like "be happy and fulfilled", but beyond that) and even assuming you would get into a relationship with him, it would not help you to move your life forwards.
Since there is nothing to be gained, if I were you, I would just move on and rather look for a relationship with someone who can be a positive force in your life and help you progress.
No. 143034
File: 1462726530353.jpg (71.52 KB, 300x250, superthumb_by_cookie_fish-d8qq…)
My boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me with some random classmate that had a crush on him since she first met him (and he knew) on a trip his class went to about 8 months ago and came clean to me about it just yesterday.
Funny thing is that about 2 weeks ago a fake profile contacted me thru Facebook about my boyfriend cheating on me and sperging all these random stories about him and the girl in question. After some investigation and proof analysis I came to the conclusion the person behind the fake profile was the girl he cheated on me with. Of course, my boyfriend denied everything this person told me and tried to pass it off as some other random classmate who wanted to wrong him for whatever reason, and quickly changed the subject everytime. I had a gut feeling that there was something wrong but decided to disregard it.
Yesterday he came to me with the whole "we need to talk" stuff and then I knew my suspicions were founded. He confessed what he'd done and that it was only a one time thing (unlike what the fake profile told me) also that he was drunk and that he didn't feel good about it at all. Thing is, he kept seeing the girl "out of fear" for about two weeks after what happened. According to him, they did nothing but walks in the park and casual conversation… yet, he also confessed to have told her he'd like to be with her and that he missed her and all that crap, so of course this puts me in a very shitty position.
Cherry on top is him trying to excuse the cheating saying that 8 months ago I was very distant (had some issues going on) and didn't pay him enough attention to the point he had thought of breaking up with me and all. But he didn't, and chose to pay attention to some thirsty hoe that followed him around since day one.
I don't know if I can ever trust him or forgive what he did. We had a very good relationship but that's all gone and erased, even the feeling is numb now. He seems to be truly sorry about what he did and keeps promising all these wonderful things to me but I just can't believe it. What bothers me the most is that I never wanted a relationship to begin with and decided to give this fool a chance and this is what I get. Any farmers with a similar experience? What did you do?
No. 143037
>>143034Him not coming clear out with it when confronted is a huge red flag. I'd trust the girl on this over him at the moment at least.
It's really hard to regain trust after something like this, so if you don't think you can, don't go back to him, but if he's willing to do anything then maybe? But I don't think you will ever feel comfortable with him being alone with other girls anymore, so there's that.
It really sucks though anon.
No. 143038
>>143034Dump his ass, you don't deserve this shit.
Waiting 8 month and only telling the thruth while being drunk is a really really bad sign IMO.
No. 143040
>>143034this
>>143036dump that cheating garbage bag anon, you deserve better
No. 143044
>>143034>my boyfriend denied everythingIf he straight up lied to you and treated you like you were stupid after you'd been told everything, then I think that was even more disrespectful.
>also that he was drunkTerrible excuse. If you fuck other people when you're drunk, you shouldn't be getting drunk while in a relationship.
>he kept seeing the girl "out of fear">he also confessed to have told her he'd like to be with herHow much fear was he feeling if he spouted this crap to her? I've been scared of stuff before but I usually just do the bare minimum to avoid a bad outcome, I don't pile on and sugarcoat like this.
>trying to excuse the cheating saying that 8 months ago I was very distant (had some issues going on) and didn't pay him enough attention to the point he had thought of breaking up with me and allThen he should have broken up with you or he should have talked about it with you. He wasn't doing you a favour by staying with you just to cheat.In fact, I think it's manipulative and gross that he's bringing up something that should have been worked through sooner just because he thinks he can use it to justify his shit.
Dump him imo
No. 143045
>>143034I've been in your situation before and the best advice I can give you is that a true, genuine apology is just "I'm sorry I did this. I'm sorry I hurt you. I won't do it again." It is definitely not "I'm sorry this happened but it wasn't my fault because…" If I were you, I wouldn't even consider forgiving him because he hasn't fully taken responsibility. People who shift the blame like that can use it to justify all their indescretions. There will always be another time when he feels sad/drunk/lonely/scared/neglected/angry and, if he thinks those feelings are acceptable reasons to cheat, then he can't be trusted.
He sucks. You can do better.
No. 143047
>>143043I think the same, and it's my main reason for dumping him. I'm not the world's most loving person, but I showed him affection in a veriety of ways and ultimately, was true to my "partner" and our common ideals.
>>143044Indeed, and his attitude change after I told him the fake profile contacted me was very obvious. He pretended it was because he felt betrayed one of his classmates would do that to him, lol. And yes, the drunk thing doesn't justify shit to me either, it's the lamest excuse in the world.
The things he told her "out of fear" are so retarded I can't even believe a grown man can conceive such behaviour.
And yes, I also told him the same thing, all this situation could've been so easily avoided if he just followed the path any decent man would.
>>143045Initially he apologized just like that, but after a while and after noticing I wasn't buying his act, he started going on about how I didn't pay him much attention back then. To clarify I had some anxiety issues about finishing university and was looking after my depressive sister and mother as well -had to constantly be with them or do things around the house, etc- so by the time I could see him when he was back from university he'd expect to have my full attention, but I was just worn out by then.
In any case anon, you're right because this is something he's fully responsible for and trying to pin part of it on me is repulsive.
>>143046Exactly. I asked him this and he said "well, Anon, I gave you a lot of indirects and kinda mentioned it". Sure, but that doesn't mean it was talked about I mean… we're adults. You wanna break up because you're not satisfied with things as they are? you fucking say so like a man.
No. 143048
File: 1462746547276.gif (443.16 KB, 160x133, rockclap.gif)
>>143047>it's my main reason for dumping him>I wasn't buying his act>You wanna break up because you're not satisfied with things as they are? you fucking say so like a man.This is the ending to your story that I wanted for you, anon. I hope you move on from him and find somebody better.
No. 143050
>>143049I don't know why you're still entertaining this dude even as a friend. He's done some really dickish stuff and you still seem like you're okay with it. I couldn't stand that sort of thing. If I was you I'd cut ties.
And that boner comment is pretty weird. He brushed you off TWICE for someone else. Fuck this dude and move on, girl. You can tour and travel without his help.
No. 143051
>>143050Can you elaborate what strikes you about him as dickish?
I don't think he brushed me off for someone else. I think both times, we broke up and he started hanging out with someone else.
Anyways overall I had an overall positive experience last summer it's really clouding my judgment lol. And it wasn't like I was perfect either - I was emotionally blackmailing him pretty much every day.
No. 143053
>>143049Sounds like he just wants you as a side woman, anon.
Usually when exs contact you and mention anything about their dicks, flirting, and wanting to 'hang out' at odd hours, they just want a hookup.
And hey, there's no shame if a sexual buddy is something you need. Just don't wait around for this guy, it sounds like he'll never be monogamously faithful to you even if you both did somehow talk into a relationship.
No. 143054
>>143053Yeah it's probs this But I don't think we had a probably with monogamy while we were actually dating.
>>143052You're right, I do think he can be dickish.
>You're confused just thinking about it and admit you can't talk to him without emotionally blackmailing him, so it obviously sounds like you can't keep things casualBut my trip to India was actually casual and drama free. That's what make things difficult. I don't regret going, and I'm wondering if doing something similar again would be just as fun.
No. 143055
File: 1462894589288.png (21.32 KB, 500x132, because rabu.png)
I'm an anon who posted before, I bet you can guess which one is me!
I got into a huge blowout fight with the bf last night over financial shit. I hate this so much.
I'm so envious of women who have boyfriends or husbands who are capable of supporting them in a time of need:
>in a whirlwind of a mental shitnado for a solid month now
>depressed, severe weight gain, suicidal thoughts, no energy, apathy
>plus severe motivational burnout
>been diagnosed with anxiety during high-stress events before
>job has privilege of offering unpaid time off while still being considered full time
>the job I have is pretty stressful because of the angry/ignorant public I have to deal with, though it pays double over min wage
>I've been happily taking the time off because of the anxiety
>probably working 10-20 hours a week instead of 40
>bf is extremely upset to find me at home despite knowing there's something wrong
>comes home last night
>ignores me, slams shit, and acts pissy
>ask him what the problem is
>"I'M BUSTING MY ASS TRYING TO WORK AND HERE U ARE! I ALREADY BURNED THRU MUH TAX RETURN ALL BC I HAD TO PAY BILLS FOR ONE MONTH!"
>he works at a grocery store and bistro across the street
>both pay min wage
>"how many hours at your part-time job, bf?"
>he hesitates answering this
>"26 HOURS!!!!"
>"how much do you help around the house without me asking?"
>"…."
>"so you're not full time?"
>"SO! I'M HOPING THEY'LL HIRE ME LATER FULL TIME. YOU'RE FORGETTING MY SERVER JOB TOO!"
>"which you only work two 4-5 hour shifts a weekend for. truth is you don't work more than 30 hours a week. even when I was working 40 hours a week you were still bitching about struggling to pay your half of the bills"
>"I PAID LAST MONTH'S RENT!"
>"it's not fair that you're blaming me for the rent bill when I asked you up front if you could truly cover it and you said yes. you fucked up MY tax return which is why I don't even have mine yet to claim I 'burned thru.' and what, now a month's rent is gonna be your leverage to hold over my head? should I get my parents on the line and get them to call you on all of your 'backed' share of rent for living with them for 6 months? holy shit bf, if I knew this would be such an asspain I would've sold some of my stuff to cover my half"
>"YOU JUST DONT APPRECIATE WHAT ALL IVE DONE. HOW I WALKED TO MY OLD JOB FOR TWO MILES EVERYDAY–"
>"which is NOT my fault that you blew your money on stupid god damn shit while living with my parents so you couldn't afford a car. and you're too good to get a moped even though our friends offered to sell us a brand new one for cheap."
>"NO WHATEVER UR ALWAYS RIGHT I GUESS IM NOT GONNA CONTINUE DIS. IM THE ONLY ONE THINKING OF 3 MONTHS DOWN DA LINE"
>"bf this isn't going to get better. I'm talking a year or more from now if we make it. don't you realize if I were out for months due to a more severe issue, you couldn't support us? so long as you only have part time work, minimum wage work, no car, and no degree we will ALWAYS have financial issues! because I will ALWAYS be the backbone who can't fail! I can't ever rely on you! if this really bothers you we can call it quits. I'll move back in with my parents, and you can somehow find your way back to [insert state here] and live with your grandparents again, or your friends. you do you!"
>at this point he finally calms the fuck down because he realizes I have a fucking point and I'm not trying to purposefully fuck us
>this morning he acts like nothing happened and everything is hunky dory
>maybe it's because I threatened to end shit…
So I'm sitting here browsing through psychologists and crying my eyes out because I just need somebody to talk to about this, about everything. My mom ingrained in me for years that therapy was only for "fucked up people" and "freaks" and to conceal all emotions on the inside. And to certainly never embarrass myself by talking to friends or venting on media. Plus, half of my issues stem from shit that I've tried talking to my mom about and all she can do is talk down and shame me. There's stuff I'll never reveal to her because of my mistrust, ever. She threatened in my teen years to force me to go to a psychologist whenever we got into arguments, so now I only associate it with negativity.
Just looking at these pages and what these psychologists specialize in makes me feel like a fucking failure. Seeing these people work with PTSD, anxiety, and depression makes my eyes water. It feels like I'm getting stabbed in the stomach knowing what I'll divulge.
I'm also scared shitless about my insurance not covering any of this. My company insurance is already 'out of network' because it's based in a different state, and most of these psych pages state that they're also considered out of network. The fees per visit range between $100-200.
There's already medical bills I owe just because my insurance was vague with telling me how much they cover.
I don't feel like I can even afford this help…
No. 143058
>>143055Agree with the other anons, idk you're complete situation but it seems like the guy is just mooching off you. Especially since he crashed with you and your parents for 6 months and didn't help with anything. Might just be time to cut ties. Unless he really does try to show improvement down the line.
Also, don't ever be embarrassed about going to therapy. Your mom, quite bluntly, is a dumb ass for saying stuff like that to you. Sometimes it is impossible to just fix yourself. Time off to chill and relax is well and good, and sometimes very needed, but you won't always be that lucky. Therapy will help to give you tools to work on your mental illness from day to day, that way falling into the shitnado will happen less and less severely. So please, please at least try the therapy for a few sessions, and maybe even try different doctors until you find one you're comfortable with.
No. 143059
>>143057>>143058I made contact with a psychologist practice yesterday that is covered under my insurance. They said they had a person who was going to call me back last night, but it never happened…
Anyway, bf has been trying to suck up. He wants to do an "activity" tomorrow, with the catch that
I have to think of the activity. He always leaves the planning to me, which aggravates me no matter what kind of mood I'm in. It's like, if you want to do something nice for somebody then
you do the planning for it bf.
No. 143062
>>143061I don't think it's a bad thing, but you both should be careful. You guys need to be able to deal with your anger better when you're legitimately arguing, though, because one day it's going to escalate to a point where you won't be able to forgive one another. I've seen a lot of couples with very similar personalities do extremely well, and then some who fight until the bitter end. It really depends on how you both deal with your clashes.
Astrologyfag time: your signs are air and earth signs, very contrasting elements. Like you've said, when nothing is wrong, your relationship is very strong and passionate, filled with a lot of love and harmony. But, when you disagree, you almost hate one another, and your relationship is an absolute disaster zone. You're both alike in that you're in the same arena, but different in that you're on opposing sides of it.
No. 143063
>>143061Similar situation. As stupid as it sounds when we start having actual fights, I bring in the big guns - "I" statements. It's ridiculous and shouldn't work nearly as well as therapists say but holy shit does it ever. Within a few minutes we both realize we're just being insecure and projecting the hatred we feel towards ourselves to each other about shit. Or whatever - in any case I'd suggest using it. You feel weird doing it at first but it helps.
Also, don't forget that what works for you might not work for anyone else, or just a few people. Some might say to find someone who slows you down and calms you down, but maybe you get bored of them in record time. Who knows, it's different for everyone. So long as you have good times a fair bit more than bad times and you're decently happy, I wouldn't think too hard about it.
(I'm Libra too btw, partner is Gemini tho)
No. 143065
>>143064Heyo. Girl in games industry as well here! I think it's kinda sad we have to put up with that but yeah, like you said, surrounded by men which means invariably our close friends are always male, really.
Anyway, as to advice, I found doing 'female friendly' stuff kinda opened the doors to more women. I took a yoga class, got involved with a few cosplay groups that were mostly women and made friends that way. I don't think you have to change your personality to fit in with women better (nor change the way you like to dress) just be clean and optimistic and friendly and you'll meet other girls that respond to it hopefully!
No. 143066
I'm sorry to bother you, but I could really use some insight on a situation.
A couple of months ago this girl friend of mine texted me that she'd recently broken up with her bf after three year and was again single.
In the following weeks we started hanging out together: we went out for dinner, we went to the movies basically every week, and all by her own initiative. It did feel a lot like dating and all the people who saw us assumed that we were dating, but we never did anything romantically. I didn't make any move because I felt like she needed time after the break up and I didn't want to force anything. It was pretty confusing though, especially when because of her job she had to come to my place a couple of nights and we shared my bed (with nothing more than cuddles).
When my friends asked her about the situation with me, she answered that she wanted to be alone for a while after her last relationship.
This went on for a month, but in the last week I noticed that she was pretty into a guy she'd just met at work: we continued hanging out and sleeping together, but it became more and more obvious to me that she wanted to be with him, so I kinda let her go. Now it looks like they are pretty much together.
Now, I'm not that upset that she has chosen this other guy: it's not the first time a thing like this happens between me and her (last time it led to her three-year relationship).
But I'm not sure I understand her behaviour: was she just having fun with me? Was she actually considering me as a boyfriend candidate?
I'd just like to know if I had any chance: if I did, then it's all my fault I didn't catch it and I'll go cry myself to sleep, because that would be like the fifth time I've fucked everything up with her.
No. 143069
>>143064Weird… I could understand this situation if the current decade was either the 80's or 90's. But these days, the gaming demographic is equally male and female.
Because of that, I'm more likely to believe that you're really not making the effort yourself. Don't you have other interests you can share other than gaming? Because if all you ever do is talk about gaming and dont really have any interests or hobbies outside of that; potential new friends are gonna look at you like you're a boring one-trick pony.
I don't think anyone in their right mind can be around someone who is obsessed with just one facet of life… my advice is to start joining some social clubs after university hours - you have every opportunity to make new friends there so take advantage of that, because you'll find hardly any time for that when you start working for a living.
No. 143072
>>143066I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt if you really appreciate her friendship, because it's more than likely she appreciates you too. But I do feel you should lay down some ground rules regarding the intimate stuff like cuddling in bed, mostly for your own sanity… it would also be a good indicator for gauging her real feelings for you - if she doesn't respect your boundaries if you say it makes you feel awkward, then she's not really a true friend and just thinks of you as a teddy-bear.
I'm not sure why meeting up and going out for meals, seeing movies, doing activities together counts as dating… these are pretty much the foundations of all good friendships.
I guess the ball is in your court now in regards to how you handle it, either cut her off if it pains you too much - or relish the time you have together as buddies and appreciate the fact you may have a potential lifelong friend in the making, and it's always nice and rewarding to have a good friend you can hang out with occasionally.
No. 143079
>>143072>I'm not sure why meeting up and going out for meals, seeing movies, doing activities together counts as datingWell I'm not sure either; she was all kinda touchy and flirty, but maybe I imagined it all: in this situations my anxiety kicks in and makes it all the more difficult to read the cues.
It's also worth considering that she'd acted like this in the past only when we were almost dating (basically the same shit, but we went a little bit further in bed). Then once she got a bf we saw each other like a couple of times in three years.
The more I think about it, the more I realize she's most probably been using me as an emotional tampon, as
>>143068 also suggested. Since last week she's basically contacted me only when she needed some favour.
A part of me wants to be mad at her and I'm sure some of my friends would call her a whore, but I know that she acts this way with men because of her own loneliness and insecurities. I thought she'd grown out of them in these years, but apparently I was wrong.
Of course I still consider her a good friend of mine, but I think our ways will part for a while (once again).
I will always regret some past decisions and wonder "what if", but not this time.
Back to being single then… oh well, I'm pretty much used to it.
Thanks for your time, your inputs helped me straighten out my thoughts.
No. 143080
>>143079Yeah, now you've gotten into a little more detail it does sound like she's using you as a teddy-bear.
In that situation, I'd cut myself off for good… when you finally do get into a relationship, I don't think your partner would appreciate you hanging around with this girl anyway considering her history with you.
Moving on is the best option I think, good luck.
No. 143081
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My boyfriend and i have the same friend group and i've noticed that since we got together, he is more and more distant from the group sort of. He doesnt laugh as much as the jokes, doesn't seem enthustiastic and happy when we hang out and have just generally gotten more serious and less "goofy" i guess. It gets worse when i laugh and have fun with the other group members, and god forbid there is an inside joke he doesn't get, he will get very upset and broody.
Example; us and the squad were hanging out tonight, he seemed normal in the beginning. We drank a bit and went outside, me and another friend were shitfaced and laughing hard at some shit and having a good time. When we got back inside we found an old pic of another friend (not present) that we found hilarious. Bf didn't laugh. The rest of the evening he sat there, didn't say much and just stared at his phone. He left shortly after and gave me a quick peck at the cheek. Does anyone know why he acts like this? Is he perhaps jealous that i enjoy other peoples' company (especially other guys)?
No. 143083
>>143082I actually tried talking to him about it and he said that he was feeling "replaced". But that was a different situation (we were hanging out a lot with a guy outside the group and laughing at his memes instead of my bf's. we were kind of pushing him in while pushing him out, at least that's how he felt) Anyways, we don't hang out that much with the guy anymore and he seemed normal for a while and then he went back to this brooding shit a couple of weeks later. He also mentioned that he disliked the person i became when we weren't alone, but the thing is, my public personality is my real personality, and the personality i have with him is not the way i usually act. I'm usually not romantic or affectionate but in private with him i can allow myself to not be myself if you know what i mean. So he claims to dislike a personality i have always had.
The weird thing is, he never acted like this before we got involved romantically. When we were just friends he seemed to have more fun, and he didn't get upset if other group members had inside jokes that he didn't take part in. So i feel like us getting togehter will make him more prone to jealousy and take that out on the other members, which would be very bad. The last thing i want is the relationship affecting the group dynamic, as it is very important to me. I have told him that we should keep the romance stuff down to a minimum when hanging out with others and he said he agreed to that.
No. 143086
>>143085Have a sit-down, adult chat. Use "I feel" and "I" statements a lot. "I feel like when you're teasing me about her, there's more to it than the usual teasing." If he calls you a baby or makes fun of you for being sensitive just drop his ass. You've been fine with being teased, and he's pushed the limit as far as it goes. Tell him politely and firmly this is the line, respect it or you're gone.
You have way too much actual stuff in life to do to deal with that kind of immature "imma just push her buttons or pull her hair! Hur hur".
No. 143087
>>143083do you like putting on the "boyfriend personality"? if you don't, and vastly prefer your natural personality (how you are with your friends), you should probably consider that this relationship isn't for you. I think most people in the world (myself included) act a different kind of way with their SO's, as a natural outcome of being intimate with another person, but most people understand this comes as a new extension of themselves and don't really think of it as "I can allow myself to not be myself". The way you act around your SO should feel like a natural part of deciding to become romantically involved with another person, and maybe your bf picks up on the "fakeness" of your personality.
On a side note, you should probably understand that being involved with a friend in the group will inevitably change the dynamic, no matter what. That doesn't mean you have to by kissy face PDA everywhere, but if you try too hard to keep things the same, your bf might start wondering why he bothered in the first place.
No. 143088
>>143085 Listen to
>>143086BUT I know your pain. I also have one of those jokey bfs who like to push my buttons a little bit by mentioning women who look at him at the gym. I began to kinda turn it around on him and just say 'Well, of course they do. You're gorgeous' which threw him off and after awhile he stopped knowing it wouldn't get a reaction out of me. Chances are your bf doesn't realise he's making you uncomfortable when he talks about this other girl OR if he is, then he's a jerk and isn't worth your time.
But yeah. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel and if he's a good bf, he'll stop.
No. 143092
>>143089Same. My boyfriend also points out guys to me.
A strong relationship doesn't have insecurities like that. Most of you anons might as well break up with your significant others because it sounds like your relationships are so goddamn weak.
No. 143095
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>>143090Anon you don't have to be a dyke to be able to look at another woman and appreciate the beauty in her form, and if you feel it necessary to constantly one-up other women in order to 'keep' your man, your relationship is already doomed.
>>143094This. I'm no prized pig myself, I have cellulite and stretchmarks, my tits need work and some lip fillers wouldn't exactly go amiss, but I have nothing to fear in the way of jealousy of other women because I know at the end of the day my partner will always choose me because he appreciates more than just my body. Relationships that are based solely on looks never work out for this reason.
No. 143097
>>143095I like your view anon.
And I also like your taste in butts
No. 143099
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>>143097Butts are yes.
Cute girls are yes.
Yes.
>>143098
>personally I just don't want to hear itWhat happened to you exactly to make you so insecure? Not an insult, legit question.
No. 143102
>>143101I'm not so sure about the former because in my youth I was legit my highschool's punching bag, to the extent that I dropped out before my exams and became a NEET/hikki, and for the latter my first boyfriend was extremely emotionally abusive/manipulative and highly critical of my looks on account of my not being a tiny Japanese girl.
Despite all this I've never really been a jealous person and jealousy is something that's really difficult for me to comprehend.
I can't imagine looking at another woman and feeling fearful that she's going to take my partner from me. Seeing beautiful women has only ever motivated me further to be the best possible version of myself available.
No. 143103
>>143102Oh sorry, I meant the insecurity and not the jealous part. sometimes they go hand in hand, but looking at someone and comparing yourself is the insecurity.
I'm not sure if anon is the same as I am but I was a C case. I was bullied hardcore, not normal sibling rivalry, from about age 5 up to 13 by my older sister. At around 15 I got into a shitty abusive relationship and all of my insecurities came from those two combined. It's been years though, so I've been able to overcome my insecurities almost all the way but other people are different and might not be able to break away from past issues.
No. 143104
>>143103I'm happy to hear of your own success story.
If I had any advice I could personally offer up to anybody who sees this as a problem within their lives, it would be that they need to stop viewing themselves a commodity and start viewing themselves a powerful, sexual, individual being.
People might snort at the first comment but it's true. If you're holding fears of your partner straying it's because you're thinking of yourself as an object to be swapped out or replaced at a moments whim. Identify and wholly (maybe a tad narcissistically) embrace the positive aspects of yourself, may it be a stellar booty or a wild sense of humour. Identity the negative aspects and either toss them out or work on them until they become good enough to be assimilated into the positive aspects.
If a guy is so pitiful he feels it appropriate to treat you in a way he knows is going to upset you, you to ask yourself whether this cuck really deserves to be in your sphere of influence in the first place?
No. 143105
>>143104Exactly, anon. This. It takes a while to pick yourself back up but you've got to do it.
One thing I can add to this is make sure what you're doing with your life, who you're becoming as a person is what YOU want. I changed myself a thousand times to fit what other people wanted from me and it played a huge roll in why I was so insecure and upset. Find what you love, find who you are and go with it. Be selfish and do something that makes you happy. Life constantly changes and if the person you're with cannot handle you changing in a positive way, dump them. It doesn't matter if you've been together 5 months or 5 years. This also applies with friends. Do what is best for you.
No. 143106
>>143086>>143088I did this and he apologized, I had mentioned it previously but I don't think he realized how much it bothered me, but now he seems to understand.
>>143092Each to their own anon,
Me and bf still share porn and tell each other if someone is attractive. That's not what the teasing is about haha, it's more that being teased actually turns me/him on. Just that one girl that bothered me a lot. I know he loves me and I trust him. Besides I like caring about my partner and being protective, it's cool if you don't. I feel that trust thing is something that happens over time, but for a fresh relationship I actually quite enjoy it.
No. 143108
>>143107But why? In what way does it hurt you?
If your partner came to you and said that he liked the butt in
>>143099, would you be offended?
If yes, for what purpose? In what way does it offend you?
Do you believe it means he wants to leave you for the girl with the nice butt? Do you believe it means he's unsatisfied with your butt? If so, what is to prevent you from either working out your butt to attain the nice butt, or also agreeing that the girl has a nice butt?
What's preventing you from relishing in the butt together?
I don't get it at all.
No. 143109
>>143108not the anon you're talking to but i'm the same way. i don't tolerate talking about other women, irl or imagined. you can talk with your guy friends about it all you like but there's a fine line a lot of guys tend to cross, at least in my world, between complimenting women and making it clear they want to fuck them, but a lot of men in relationships take it pretty far. plus, why ogle another woman when i'm right in front of you? it's just fucking rude. i don't do that to my boyfriend, so he shouldn't do it to me. simple as that.
i would only personally want my boyfriend to compliment my butt. i don't really like competition or feeling like i need to meet a standard. if you want that person, you should go be with them, not me. don't waste my time.
i've personally been in a relationship with a guy before with a porn addiction, another one who had a fixation with a camgirl, and another who told his friends that he wanted to fuck my coworker. at some point i developed ridiculous standards for guys i date because i was tired of being hurt so it is now pretty much an unspoken rule in my new relationship that they can't talk about "hot girls" in my presence. i want to be #1 to my guy. that's that.
No. 143110
>>143109Anon I don't mean to be rude but you sound insecure to the point of it noticeably affecting your life in a dramatically negative manner.
It's normal for people, male or female, to be able to observe beauty in things, be it sexual in origin or otherwise.
I am able to ogle women in tandem with my partner because I am secure enough in the knowledge that he won't leave me because he values both my inner and my outer. If you won't even allow your partner to compliment a woman that exceeds a set standard of beauty, that's really a big problem with you that needs to be addressed.
If you feel insecure in the presence of attractive women, is it not possible to simply work to make yourself more desirable?
Do you permit you or your boyfriend to maintain friendships with women you feel are more attractive than yourself?
This sounds so unhealthy, I'm kind of at a loss here.
No. 143112
>>143109I'm the same way but I don't say anything. I just rage internally and don't give any indication that I'm pissed or jealous.
And my boyfriend works from home but he has people that work in the same field as him in and out of our house constantly which I don't mind when it's other guys, in fact I try to be polite as possible and offer them drinks and stuff. But when a strange woman is spending hours with your boyfriend alone in his office, it's hard not to be paranoid and jealous…
I'm actually bisexual so I can appreciate hot girls but I view them in a different way when my boyfriend is around - they don't become just hot girls anymore, they become competition. I know this is super unhealthy but it's whatever, I've had jealousy issues since I was a kid.
No. 143113
>>143108Well, it's a bit hard since I've had 4 surgeries in the past year, so exercise in a lot of forms is a no go. I've switched my diet to makeup for that fact but I'm still not happy with the changes - that being said, the surgeries can't fix anything and what I'm dealing with is permanent. I'll just have to get used to only being able to do some light yoga, and keep stopping when I feel a weird pain or sensation.
I don't really care if I find the butt nice, I said before I don't relish seeing a body just because it's hot or not. It might just be me, I'm an artist by trade and have been working with nude models for a long time.
And yes, it means he is unsatisfied with my butt, and he isn't terribly ignorant to the reasons why I can't work out like a fiend to bulk my ass up.
>>143110I'm terribly insecure and have been depressed/anxious a long time, only recently in treatment/medication. I'm a lot better in so many ways, most notably is that I'm totally fine with being insecure. I gave up fighting it because pretending not to be insecure - then dealing with actually being insecure alone - was way too much time and effort just so other people didn't feel weird once in awhile.
I don't permit my SO to do anything, he's never asked. All I say is that I feel x, y, and z when he says "___". I explain it from my point of view, prefacing a lot with "this sounds deranged but I'm paranoid and anxious, thoughts that are intrusive can be pushed away but not forgotten,". I just try and explain my damaged thought process, how I try and work past it, and why some days it's easier than others so it might press my buttons.
Also, it isn't about him leaving me - I don't think he would just for commenting on a nice figure at random. I just don't want him fucking her that's all.
No. 143115
>>142495I have really bad issues with self-esteem, social anxiety, and things like that and it sometimes feels like having a girlfriend is making it a bit worse
It's hard not to see myself as this physically repulsive person with a shitty personality most of the time and it's kind of kept me from making friends or building relationships outside of my gf.
Now, she's aware I've had these problems for most of my life and even helped calm me down after a couple of really terrible anxiety attacks. But it feels like if I give her the slightest hint that I'm dissatisfied with myself in someway, she sort of.. well, I don't really know what she's trying to do, but it makes me feel kind of worse either way
Here are a few examples:
I noticed I've been gaining weight putting me at around 125lbs and it made me feel a little bad because my family though being thin was extremely important and my gf knows it's something that I'm sensitive about. For a few months now, she's constantly commenting about how small and thin she is
>Getting dressed in the morning>"wow, I've lost so much weight! My pants keep falling off of me~"> Go to gym>step on the scale>"Hm, only 103 pounds??? I'm so tiny!">Eat dinner together>takes a few bites "Oh jeez, I'm so stuffed! I don't know if I'll be able to eat the rest, here, you can have mine when you're done"Its not just with this, but if I give her the idea that I'm insecure about anything at all, she'll sort of remind me that she's better? I stopped playing guitar and trying to learn how to sing, because the moment I try to play something, she pulls out her ukulele and gets annoyed or upset if all ears aren't on her and it's hard getting to bothered by it because she IS better than me. She even went to my work and played all day in the lobby and started counting tip money from our costumers right in front of my boss and kept bragging about it and I felt deeply embarrassed
If I'm struggling with coming out my hair (I have super kinky, short afro with bald spots that I try to keep hidden), she'll walk into the restroom, shake hers out a bit, and complain about how bad it looks, how long it's getting and offers to let me feel how soft it is
I don't know if she really means it, but it feels as if every time I feel insecure about something or upset with a personal flaw, she'll take the opportunity to remind me that my flaws are bad and that shes much better
I don't even know if she really likes me at this point. Is this her way of telling me that I'm not good enough for her? Is she trying to nudge me into trying harder to improve? I don't know what she's trying to say when she does things like this and I'm worried that I'm just being stupid and reading too much into her actions.
I just feel bad and facing her just makes it worse because she's all that I have. I'm entirely dependent on her socially. We live together, share the same bed, spend almost every moment together, but I feel so inadequate around her
What am I doing wrong?
No. 143117
>>143110>You/You're relationships are screwed because they're not like minePeople have different wants and needs in a relationship. There's a difference between a guy noticing a beautiful person and telling their partner how hot their ass is.
Sure, some couples can talk about how hot girls butts are together and be totally happy, but so can couples who keep those thoughts to themselves. There are other things to talk about in a relationship and that's something that could be easily avoided.
No. 143120
>>143115You're not doing anything wrong! Your feelings are perfectly valid in response to your girlfriend's behavior. Like
>>143119 said, you should talk to her about the way you feel. From what you said, your girlfriend sounds a little self-absorbed (but I know nothing about her or her personality, so feel free to correct me), so maybe you shouldn't directly just confront her like, "Can you stop doing that thing you do, because it's not helping me blah blah blah". It'll sound like you're accusing her of something and probably immediately put her on defensive. I guess phrase it so that it sounds less confrontational? Like say something like you've noticed that she's been talking about herself a lot and that you understand because you're proud of her accomplishments too, but nevertheless, constantly hearing it isn't helping your insecurity. Tell her that her constant bragging is making you feel inadequate, and ask her why she's doing it.
No. 143123
>>143119This is what I was thinking, but I guess I can get a bit paranoid and insecure so sometimes I worry that she's trying to kindly let me know that my problems are stupid and too easy to fix to feel as bad about them as I do.
>>143120I could try something like this, I haven't really spoken about it because I was worried she might take it the wrong way and might think I was upset with her and in turn become upset with me. I guess in a way she's used to being the center of attention, but not in such a way that it bothers me, it's just her personality and all
Now, it's just a matter of how to bring it up. When it happens, I get really upset and I don't want to let her know at the time because I don't want my emotions to influence how I communicate it to her. When everything's kind of okay, I worry that I'd ruin it by bringing up a problem. When would you talk about something like this without making someone feel bad about it?
No. 143124
>>143123If they think your problems are stupid or easy to fix, they're not really going to help you get a reign on anxiety/depression.
If you're worried about coming off as accusatory, go with "I feel" statements.
No. 143128
So I'm best friends with a guy, and we had arranged sex. He was a virgin, and I was sexually frustrated because I was single. We booked a hotel and had sex once, it was more an educational experience than anything, and after we laughed about stupid things said/done during it for about half an hour, we were back to platonic friends.
It's hard to describe I guess. But I never had a sexual attraction to him, and while he said I was attractive he's not really attracted to me sexually. It just made sense because it was all pros and no cons.
So how do I tell somebody I've been talking to with the intention to date that I've had sex with a friend that I hang out with near daily? I wouldn't want to lie or hide it, but I guess that he wouldn't be happy, or I guess wouldn't understand that there are no underlying feelings there.
I feel like personally I wouldn't accept it, and it's usually a dealbreaker if a guy is good friends with someone they've fucked. Hypocritical, I know.
No. 143130
>>143128I agree with
>>143129. There is really no reason for you to divulge this information unless asked. Especially since neither of you seem to even be attracted to each other or wanting more from your encounter.
No. 143133
>>143132I'm
>>143129Unless he has extremely low self esteem/trust in you anyway, I would think not. It's only a big deal if you make it one, imo.
No. 143142
>>142453Fuuuuuuck ,I need to post in here again. I'm drunk so sorry if it is retarded.
I cannot have sex with my boyfriend, sexual things cause me to have panic attacks or break downs, I have no idea why. I've never been raped or molested. The closest to a "rape" scare wasa my first bf at 14, he pushed me on the bed and tried to forcefully taake my pants off until i started crying, he said "the voices inside his head told him to", but i really dont think that could have traumatized me this bad. I am a 23 year old woman, I am starting to feel like people are going to judge me when they find out. Plus, I worry about my bf getting sick of not getting any and possibly leaving in the future, shit is so stupid.
Then theres another thing, I am with the sweetest guy ever, he treats me right, hes the most amazing guy i've been with. I can't seem to drop my insecurities though, in my head its always never good enough to have someone so great, I fear I'll hold im back in life as I am a emotional burden to everyone around me.
fuck i should slep
No. 143143
>>143142Anon, if someone is with you, it means that they want to be with you, and if they want to be with you then you are NOT a burden to them.
Your boyfriend chose to be with you, which probably means that you bring something nice into his life, so you don't hold him back, you actually make his life better.
Try to treat him as good as he treats you, though, thats always nice c:
Also you might want to get some professional help with your panic attacks, it sounds really bad.
No. 143151
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>>143149>>143148this tbqh, if he's insecure that means he's too much of a pussy to ask you out, so you're gonna have to do it.
There's a small chance you'll get rejected, but that's the worst that can happen, guys won't go out of their way to hurt or humiliate you for asking them out because they've faced plenty of rejection themselves.
No. 143152
>>143148Depends how long you've known him through.
Under what circumstances did you meet? are you sure he shares the same intentions as you or is he just being friendly?
Are you working together? how do you know he's depressed?
Analyse all of this and tread carefully
No. 143153
>>143150Not necessarily.
A friend of mine is with an older man, never would've expected it from her and I thought it was odd at first, but he's a really good person.
His wife cheated on him and he divorced.
She liked him so much she didn't give a fuck about the baggage and said its actually made him a much better person and that he's really chill. I was wary but this friend generally has amazing intuition so I approve.
No. 143154
20, I've never dated before, and started using tinder a little while ago. Matched with a guy and one day when I had nothing to do we had a pretty long conversation and agreed to meet up for coffee a couple days later. I figured it would be chill and casual, except he came with roses. At that moment I really liked it, though, and had a great time talking to him.
Afterwards when I tried texting him his responses took forever, and I found out his phone was crapping out. Over the few days with spotty communication made me feel really depressed, thinking he wasn't interested anymore even though we had talked about meeting the next week.
We've gone on another two dates, but I'm no longer feeling that into him anymore. He's definitely nice but he has some cringe-worthy behavior that is a total turn-off. Then half the time we end up talking about work, which gets old fast. We work for the same company at different stores. While it's just a part-time job for me while I'm in uni, he works full-time and is moving up in management to likely make a career out of it since he's not going to college.
I feel stupid for how I acted at the very beginning, where I couldn't stand eating because he hadn't messaged back. Now I'm just annoyed because we don't have any daily conversations and he's never held my hand or anything. My coworkers ask me about him because I had told everyone about our first date and now we're a "company couple". I can't tell if I'm attracted to him at all anymore and I'm not sure how to tell him. Is it normal to stop dating after a month?
No. 143158
File: 1465583020108.gif (1.14 MB, 320x233, 010912.gif)
>>143148Do i know you? I met this girl recently in sort of a class scenario but I'm confused on what she want's from me. She's sweet and fun to be around but, it's sort of complicated because there seems to be another guy that likes her and I honestly don't want to be between those two.
I think my situation sorted itself out though since we won't be seeing much of each other after today which is honestly for the best. I'm depressing to be around.
No. 143159
File: 1465903004813.jpg (67.99 KB, 493x365, IMG_20160602_203252.jpg)
I don't know if this is the right thread for this but I sort of think it is? But I'm in a rather awkward situation.
I have happily been with my girlfriend for years and we always agreed if we ended up mutually having a crush on someone we would be open to be in a polyamorous relationship, and awkwardly enough that happened about a month ago. She is a super sweet girl who has tons of the same interests and hobbies as we do and she is a year older than both of us. She talks to us both every day and always tells us good morning and good night and she even says she loves us all the time. Like multiple times a day, with heart emojis and shit.
I know she is a lesbian too, so that works out but… god I don't know if I am getting mixed signals? My girlfriend admitted her crush to this chick's best friend and her friend said she values close friendships over romantic relationships so maybe I'm reading this all wrong?
I have such a disgustingly mushy crush and I hate it.
No. 143161
File: 1465950560404.jpg (8.16 KB, 200x200, images.jpg)
There's this guy a kinda like and I have a good feeling he likes me but i'm confused about something.He almost never texts me first. For us to have a conversation I have to text him. I caught on to this early so i'd go weeks without texting him to see if he'd text me and so far we haven't gone longer than a month. The weird thing is….when i'd finally text him he'd make a big deal about it like "you don't text me anymore" and "look who's finally texting me". I don't get it! If he wants to hear from me so bad why doesn't he text me? My only guess is that he might be shy. What do y'all think?
No. 143162
>>143161HOLY SHIT ME TOO. I got this guy's phone number and he took a week to text me, and after that I waited to see if he would again, but then he didnt. THEN one day after I snapchatted him he asks me why I never text him, and shit. And he will always say text me sometime. I waited a couple days to text him and then when I finally did he was like "finally! never thought I would hear from you!" and I told him he could have texted first at any time and he said "I know." idk if he just likes me chasing him and is full of himself idk. He would always be touchy feely in person like literally caressing my neck, shoulders, and waist, but we have never hung out outside of school, he doesn't text me, hell he wont even snapchat me back. ugh.
but I got over him because I took it as me wasting my time. in your case though, it could be shyness, or maybe he likes being chased and getting attention from you first.
No. 143164
File: 1466362414370.jpg (139.07 KB, 600x600, 008c1694a1fc653cb5605c2cf65927…)
>date a guy in high school for a month
>he says he's asexual
>break up, whatever he seems cool/normal and we share interests so we stay friends
>also i turn out to be a lesbian
>in college now
>guy told me he was was a babyfur about a year ago
>keeps trying to talk to me about his gross fetish
>talks about wanting to be "out" to another friend in our friend group so he can wear diapers around us
>trying to distance myself from him because my beliefs don't align with his kink also it's grossing me out
>texts me out of nowhere today asking for help choosing an outfit for a furry convention
>try to be polite
>"what do you have in mind for a color scheme?"
>"something to match this" he says, and attaches a photo
>it's a photo of him wearing just a diaper
why do i attract such disgusting people and how do i politely tell him to fuck off with his kink
No. 143167
>>143164What the fuck anon? Other anon is right, stop letting an adult baby walk all over you of all people
Do exactly that, just politely tell him to fuck off with his kink
"I'm sorry anon but I'm not comfortable talking about that" and if you like you could add a "I will be your friend here for you in everything else". Keep maintaining that you don't mind what he gets up to in his spare time but you don't feel comfortable being around it or talking about yourself. Point to how you don't need tell all your friends about your own private interests, or pull up those tumblr PSAs about how petplayers shouldn't involve bystanders.
If he tries to cry kinkshame or whatever just drop his ass, don't even entertain his pity party.
No. 143168
Alright, so I've got a problem I have no clue how to deal with.
About mid April was started talking to someone from a dating site daily, since then we've met up 3 times, and I'm so confused on if he likes me.
First """date""" I said that was a nice date via message, and he said he assumed we were meeting as friends. Decided to be upfront and asked if he liked me, he said it takes time to know if he likes someone.
Most recent time he heavily suggested going out for food and a drink, at which I sperged out so it fell through. He'll take so long to reply to any of my messages, and I send on average a long message with one or two afterthoughts, and he'll send one big one. If he's out with friends he won't message. Fine, but he stayed over for two nights, and over those 3 days didn't check his phone once.
I feel like two months later, being in near constant daily contact I'd be a higher priority by this point. More liked by this point. You know? Usually it's the guy being too keen with me, and I control the pace. But (I think) he knows I like him, so the dynamic feels like I'm waiting on him returning my favour.
So a) how do I speed it up? Being direct only results in some wishy washy shit and b)how do I make things less platonic, so he sees me in a sexual manner?
It's getting so I'm starting to like his little eccentricities and the imperfections on his face and the stupid habits/tics he has that I find endearing, and I'm not even sure if the things we go on are dates.
I don't know, HELP.
No. 143173
>>143172If you've already agreed then it's probably not a problem if you don't get him something (right away, until you can figure out your finances). He probably just wanted to make you feel better about buying you a new phone and calling it that. Like if your phone hadn't died he probably wouldn't have gotten you anything either, and it was more out of necessity than the spirit of the occasion.
Maybe just plan ahead and try for an extra special Christmas gift
No. 143175
File: 1466481554747.jpg (422.33 KB, 1000x1500, 3.jpg)
I posted on half-chan. Wonder if any farmers would give me additional advice.
I am currently dating a guy for ~3 months now. We've been going out together, engaging in romance, and sharing our interests. We're friends on Facebook and this weekend I found there were some photos uploaded and tagged. It has hard to identify with the face with the wig he was wearing. He was wearing lolita fashion.
He looked beautiful and has a good sense of fashion. I could never wear lolita fashion myself because I find it to be child's play. I asked him why he never told me. He felt I wasn't ready to be told. He separates his Facebook feeds so I never see his statuses on lolita fashion.
I felt betrayed and upset. This is not the guy I envisioned him to be. Should I continue this relationship or should I break up with him?
No. 143176
>>143175Send him to Canada. I'll take his beautiful frilly butt if you won't.
In all seriousness though it sounds like the problem is that you don't understand lolita (shocking since this site is basically cgl). Lolita is not child's play at all. Look up classic and gothic lolita if you can't handle sweet. There are many ways to wear lolita while looking your age. Even so, sweet lolita is not meant to be childish. It is meant to look cute and youthful but there is no connection to ageplay.
If your main concern is that he hid this life from you…your opinion of lolita seems like a pretty good reason to hide it. I feel like he probably did mean to confess all this to you at some point but procrastinated because he knew you would be upset with him. Secrets are easy to get into and hard to get out of. Whether you forgive his dishonesty is up to you.
I would advise you to talk to him more about it and if he proves himself to be apologetic and opens up more to you, just give him another chance and see what happens.
No. 143182
>>143181If not a diamond, what kind of stone do you want, if any? (plain bands are always timeless and classy)
I might be able to dig up some ideas for you
No. 143184
File: 1466643700656.jpg (108.8 KB, 500x400, Unique engagement ring with ma…)
>>143182I meant to add a picture sorry, I liked the way this wedding and engagement ring come together.
No. 143185
File: 1466660177624.jpg (44.15 KB, 397x294, image.jpg)
>>143181Lemme dump some basic infographics for you
No. 143187
>>143181Etsy is pretty good, there is a lot of variety for relatively good prices. If you want a clear stone there are alternatives to diamond that are nice (cz, moissanite).
I wish I had been given the option to choose mine, I love him but I hate the ring he chose for me. It's just so not me at all but I feel stupid for whining about it but it annoys me (he literally picked the one style I said I hated). I even hinted at him which rings I like which is proof he doesn't fucking listen.
No. 143188
>>143186>>143185Ahhh so that's what all this shit is called - that's super helpful thank you anon, I'm completely ignorant to jewelry stuff.
>>143187I'll take a look on etsy, they also might have some good rings. What kind of ring did he get you? My SO said if he's going to buy something like that, he's going to make sure it's something I like, he knows I'm picky.
No. 143190
File: 1466690902984.jpg (142.61 KB, 540x540, BD279-zi.jpg)
>>143187Reminds me of my ex who chose a regular plain gold ring, something i had also earlier said was my least favourite kind of jewelery… I felt so damn ungrateful, but if it's gonna be expensive as shit and represent your future lives together he should at least do it fucking properly. It feels so half assed of guys to just buy something random because it looks sort of like what a stereotypical engagement ring would look like in their eyes. He's my ex for a reason thou, so kek's on him i guess…
I'm pondering on whether or not to sell it actually… it's been what, 10 years? I dunno, would that be a shitty thing to do? He turned out to be a sociopath in the end, so idk if i should feel guilty about it.
No. 143192
File: 1466693881429.jpg (33.91 KB, 720x377, FB_IMG_1466487361427.jpg)
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really tired.
So my brothers younger sister invited him to go to the amusement park with him while I was at his house and we were playing video games together. It seems like the sister heavily implied it would only be between just the both of them since she didn't outright say she wanted to invite me as well. Then he brought up that I'll be going as well, but I refuse.
I know very well I'll only end up being the third wheel in this situation because his sister tends to cling onto him a lot and I'd like to respect the both of them as well. It sucks because its insecurity on my part because I'm not close to any of my siblings so I try to understand their bond and try not to get jealousy especially if its a family member. I feel fucked up for saying that.
My boyfriend and I got into a dispute because I told him I didn't want to go. I can't handle rollercoasters and I feel like I'll just be a miserable third wheel in that situation. He got mad at me and ignored me and made me feel like shit throughout the entire date to the point where I broke down and cried in front of him expressing how I hated this silent treatment but he just kept quiet and emotionless.
I'm horrible at communication but that shouldn't be an excuse. Then he went off into a tangent on hoe that's his sister and how I misheard things and that she meant she was inviting the both of us and not just him even when her body language and tone of voice and everything pointed out to it just wanting it to be a brother and sister type of thing.
Deep down I feel like his siblings don't like me at all and see me as some vindictive evil girlfriend and steals all of his attention away from them.
I feel like he's just using me for my car as a way so they can go to the amusement park. I'm also paying for the majority of the thing especially for parking and the tickets and its just… I hate this so much. He didn't even try to cheer me up saying it would be a cute amusement park date. He just said we are going and that's final. Of course me being the doormat I am I just agreed and my parents are already resenting me because I have a tendency to bottle up things when conflict occurs.
I don't know what to do anymore.
No. 143197
>>143188Give etsy a shot, they have pretty damn good selection for rings. It's easier if you have a style, stone or stone cut that you like too.
I feel
>>143190as I got a super stereotypical round solitaire. Anyway, just sell the damn thing. You don't like it and he's not around so just pawn it and get yourself something nice.
No. 143199
>inb4 ban for being male
I've been in an on and off relationship (Sorta) with the same girl for about 6 years now. We have fun with eachother, and I want to stay with her. But we both leave and come back to eachother whenever it's convenient, we've never officially committed to one another, we're kind of like friends with benefits but we talk to eachother about personal issues at length all the time, it's kind of how we met. We both live really shitty lives and stick together to survive mentally.. That's the best way I can describe it. I don't know if I love her, and she doesn't know if she loves me either, but we do care about eachother a lot and that's what's kept us together for so long.
My main problem is that her behavior lately has been un-nerving. I want to help her and make her feel better, but she's acting overly aggressive constantly, or ignores me for months on end and only comes back when she wants to hate fuck or mess around.
I feel like I'm slowly losing her because she's so worked up over her schooling and work, and I don't know what to do about it. This has never really been an issue until now, and it worries me.
Some advice would be appreciated, I hate seeing her so upset.
>inb4 get made fun of for having feelings
No. 143202
>>143199btw, it's really not necessary for you to mention that you're male…. you won't get made fun of that way.
Just tell her what you told us, that you hate seeing her stressed out and would like to help in anyway you can, etc. You can have a deep relationship with someone, I mean… 6 years and neither of you are sure you love each other, nor can you agree on a commitment of sorts, it might not be "meant to be", so to speak. Quite honestly if she's ignoring you for months and is only aggressive when she's around you're probably better off looking for someone else, or being alone. (for the time being, as she sorts out her life)
No. 143203
>>143201The only reason I feel bad about it is because we communicate very well when stuff like this happens, she usually gives me a straight answer as to what's wrong or tell's me why she doesn't want to talk about it. This time it's just all anger and no communication.
>>143202Anytime I bring it up she shuts down the conversation, she rarely does this, but I think I'll take some of your advice and give her some space.
No. 143205
>>143204I do. We've tried and always ended up failing, and then going back to what we were doing.
It works, it's not completely ideal, but we're both happy. That's all that matters right?
No. 143209
>>143168Just to update on this; I messaged him 3 days ago, and two full days he didn't reply (I can check when he's on, and he was multiple times), said he had a big night out and otherwise not much. We only talked on the third day because I sent him a message asking how his weekend was (he did ask how mines was in return though).
Now I don't know about anyone else's standards, but in 3 months, if you're texting daily, a 2 day silence broken not by them is near unacceptable without an apology or explanation. So I don't think I'll message him back.
Blogpost now:
This is such a goddamn non problem. I felt terrible though, sick to my stomach when he gave me a disappointing reply, and it was upsetting to decide not to reply. I kept pulling my phone out nearly by the minute to reread/almost reply to the message.
No. 143210
File: 1467132255290.png (98.32 KB, 342x427, 1432542033544.png)
I don't know how I feel about my LT boyfriend anymore. I don't know if I'm still in love with him or if I just care about him and stay because it's familiar.
We haven't been intimate in over a year because he has some mental health issues and claims to have a low libido, even though he jerks off to all kinds of porn every day. I've begged and pleaded with him to try to take better care of himself so we can have a better relationship but he won't. He said things would be better when he got on anti-depressants, but now that he's found a psychiatrist who's thinking of prescribing something, I think it'll get even worse. I asked him what he'd do if the meds got rid of his sex drive completely, but he didn't seem to give a shit about how that'd affect me. His attitude was basically "oh well deal with it".
He's tired of me "nagging" him about it and I'm tired of feeling unwanted and undesirable. He doesn't compliment me anymore, would rather spend all day playing video games than spend time with me for more than an hour, hardly ever takes an interest in what I'm into, and is almost always irritable and snaps at me a lot, but for some reason, I haven't left yet.
I guess I just keep hoping medication will help, but I'm worried that, even if it does, it'll be too late and that our relationship can't be repaired simply because of all the resentment I feel towards him.
I know this isn't my fault. I take care of myself - working out, dressing well and all that. I still compliment him all the time and make plenty of time for him. He just doesn't seem to give a shit anymore. Sometimes, I just want to leave and fuck the first guy I see just because I'm so desperate to feel wanted again.
No. 143211
>>143210Health problem or no he is being a dick. No one should have sex with anyone if they don't want to, of course. But the problem here is that he is hiding and not communicating about this issue in a mature way.
I get being depressed, I get having a hard time, but even I have to get my shit together sometimes, realize when things are affecting my husband, and snap out of my executive function problems long enough to do shit and talk about shit. Its a two way street, I have to work hard at my problems to maintain a growing relationship, no matter how supportive he may be.
You literally cannot just sit around and expect a medication to take care of things for you. Or your girlfriend, for that matter, and it sounds like that's what this is.
Its an easy, apathetic existence where he does not have to be accountable for anything, especially his selfish behavior.
I would look up narcissistic personality disorder, while I cannot say for sure because I don't know enough and I'm not a psychologist, I have been around those types enough to be suspicious when someone is like, "I'm getting treatment but not really" and "lol I don't care how this effects you anymore really." and lies to you about problems they clearly don't have (low libido.) It reeks of lacking real empathy.
Again, I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL! He could legitimately just be depressed and is dealing with it very poorly. People can have traits of NPD and not be NPD.
Either way, the take away from me is, I've been in your situation. In a shitty, dysfunctional relationship with someone who jerks it to things other than me and acts obtuse about it. It'll get worse before it gets better. In my case, I eventually found him with literal gigabytes of gay porn and shota, and realized he was not straight, likely also a CSA victim, and unwilling to address these problems. Dude refused help, refused accountability, and eventually became very, very abusive. I lived like a prisoner with him. It was horrible.
I would say that, much as you cared about the guy, its not worth this. You are not responsible for him getting better. If he won't take accountability and take his treatment more seriously, it will be a long road before he does, if ever. There's only so long you can use excuses before it is apparent you are taking advantage. Realize this about him.
No. 143212
>>143210Girl fuck that guy
Leave him and find your new happiness, if he's not even trying to make you feel good or communicate why he's not able to, he isn't worth your time
No. 143213
>>143211Thanks for sharing. A lot of what you said resonates. Even the gay porn thing unfortunately. I've questioned whether he's gay or not a lot, even though he insists he's just bi.
Yeah, I get having depression too. I've had untreated severe depression for over 10 years, but I've found ways to try to function better to make sure it doesn't effect him too much. That's what frustrates me so much is that he won't even try this or that. I keep asking him what he'll do if meds don't work. What will he fall back on? But like you said, it's like he thinks everything will be peachy once he's on meds.
It's funny that you mention NPD because we used to joke about him having it because he's kind of arrogant, but now I really do suspect that he really does have it, or at the very least, NPD traits.
>>143212Yeah, you're right. I wish you weren't though.
No. 143217
>>143215Either he's kind of a dick or he went off medication and treatment (+ is kind of a dick.)
Sometimes people with mental illness build a huge persecution complex, and I don't think there's a lot someone in your boat can do.
Treatment in some places is abysmal, it has to be more than handing off meds to someone and saying, "Good luck, now manage your own health!" Unfortunately, that's not the kind of society we live in. People expect radical self reliance, even upon those that cannot be expected to succeed in that.
Its wonderful that you want to help him and be his advocate, but there are fine lines between a two way relationship with someone severely mentally ill, and when the mentally ill person just sort of "checks out" burdening you with all their crap. Unless you live somewhere with some really great resources and professionals wanting to go the extra mile for a difficult patient, its hard to address the latter.
Society itself, in that way, is very mentally messed up. Despite that, you have to protect yourself and know when things are out of your control.
You probably can't make him take his meds or try to succeed in treatment, and his behavior indicates a lack of trust such you aren't getting through the paranoia and what not.
It may just be time to let go.
I would not discount mentally ill partners altogether, however, be careful and use your judgment better in the future, we can't and shouldn't help everybody.
No. 143219
>>143218Really? I thought it was once. Anyway, if that is truly the case, it very well may be that he is just being treated quite carelessly. Not every pro is up to date on this stuff, and not every one wants to provide actual help.
Of course, for the "willfully denying anything that would help" there is definitely not a lot of answers. I have a feeling it might be that.
No. 143220
>>143215Is he in therapy or receiving any sort of treatment?
Either way, it really sounds like he's totally checked out of the relationship. You need to have a conversation with him, that your relationship is basically nonexistent, that you're feeling lonely and unloved, you're on the brink, that he's going to lose you if he makes no effort to compromise or meet you halfway. If he still refuses, you have your answer. And if you can't even get him to talk to you about the possibility of being dumped, then you have your answer too.
No. 143221
>>143215It's probably the best for you to leave him. If you're the type of people who very much wants affection (not trying to sound like it's bad) then the type of behaviour he's showing towards you will only make you feel more depressed and upset. Of course,he can't help himself but you need to understand that this relationship will soon deplet you of any enthusiasm and whatnot. Something,that I don't think your bf would want. It will be hard but you two can always remain as good friends and give it another go if you're ready.
As for a general advice,be careful with LDR. Especially if you're on a site where young teens do visit frequently. If you feel something is off,end the relationship immediately and don't let it drag on especially when you are just blantly paranoid about the other's age OR if you feel like the relationship is getting stressful OR you can't continue it due to things,just end it.
This is my two cents-
No. 143222
>>143218>>143219He's not on medication, no. But he has had problems with disassociation in the past so there might be a few other factors at play along with his original personality disorder. This is just what I kinda gleam, however, he's very secretive about things.
>>143220No, no therapy or anything of the sort. I think he believes himself to be fine but just a little 'different' from everyone else. I feel like you're right. I have to be honest about things and tell him that the lack of contact makes me feel like our relationship is dead. Coming from his view, I can see that perhaps he thinks things are fine because we (or he) hasn't right said we're done. He claims he's just busy with work, which I do believe.
>>143221
>deplet you of any enthusiasm That's it right there. I am upbeat and happy as my naturla srtate,I don't really get sad often or stressed, but lately I've felt miserable and off. I can only be so enthusiastic and engaging as long as the other person is as well. It hurts to think about breaking up but I don't see any options if he won't change. Part of me worries that he'll move on and then do the same to some other poor girl…while simultaneously I feel heart wrenched at the thought of him giving someone else affection he couldn't give me. Like I wasn't good enough for it.
No. 143223
>>143222oh man I thought we were talking about schizophrenia not schizoid my bad.
If someone with that doesn't want or think they need treatment it's probably not going to happen, and its their right. They live pretty ok if lonely lives, from what I've read.
It's likely that its just extra difficult for him to even be in a two way relationship, and if someone has lots of emotional needs they're better off as friends.
I'd just talk to him about it, and he might be honest with you that he's not a very good fit for you.
No. 143224
File: 1467672860704.png (330.69 KB, 540x603, tumblr_nr5t04gkdn1t0458bo1_540…)
What do I do when a whole family hates me?
>Met two brothers in high school (they're a year apart)
>Got along more with younger one we also had class together
>Find out we have alot in common and started texting all the time
>Talk to older one sometimes but it was usually idle talk and mostly see each other in friend gatherings
Fast forward about two years after we all graduated and started college
>Develop a shit ton of feelings for the younger brother at this point but too shy to act upon them
>Friends throw a Halloween party and both brothers are going to be there
>Thought to myself "Maybe I can finally confess"
>Go to party and try to talk to younger brother but the older one kept trying to talk to me and offering me drinks
>No use, younger brother just stayed within a group and spoke to me time to time during the party
>Month Later I get a text from the older brother
>"Anon… I love you, I always love you and I didn't know how to say this"
>Holy shit what the fuck
>Kindly reject him
>He accepts
>Finally get the courage to confess to younger brother thanks to my close friend
>Younger brother says he likes me too
>Ecstatic tell him how I always wanted to since the Halloween party
>Tells me he planned too as well but he knew his brother had feelings for me so he didn't
>We started to date
The older brother started loosing his shit after this for pretty much a year because of it and is still going. If my boyfriend and I talk or speak to each other he gets upset and becomes violent. He yells at me and calls me a slut/whore/etc. I find out he has a history of verbally abusing my boyfriend and keeps telling him he's awful for what he's doing. We started hiding our relationship from social media and in general so his brother would stop freaking out. Their mother also joins in and sides with the older brother. We are happy together and we make the best what we got but sometimes it feels like a LDR because of how overwhelming his family is. We're saving up and planning to going on a trip out of state but I'm scared that the way his family reacts will influence anything we do or our relationship.
No. 143225
File: 1467680676461.png (9.24 KB, 343x316, 1463199864897.png)
I don't know if this is the right place to go but I just need some advice.
>be me
>early 20s
>never had a bf
>haven't been kissed since senior year in hs
>haven't seen an attractive guy irl since hs either
>only dudes who show interest in me are old men at work
>always get asked if i'm a prostitute because big boobs
>guys my age never give me the time of day
>try online dating
>70% of the messages I get are from fedora tippers who wear suits in all of their pics and take everything too seriously
>other 30% are weirdos asking if I want to be their text subject for weird kink shit
Is it my town? Is it me?? I'm normal, I guess. I don't do or dress weirdly, only think that might stand out is the fact I'm pretty pale and have black hair (I dye it). Should I just move if I wanna find love? I've been thinking about it anyways.
No. 143226
>>143222Anon,since it's already gotten to the point,then it's really the best for you to end it. I do understand you have your worries but you can always remain as friends and if he does end up with someone else,you could always just give her/him a helpful tip from time to time. I'm not sure how your boyfriend is but the fact that his is indifferent in your relationship,won't mean he'll magically become Prince Charming for another. Sure,he may be a bit more interactive /if/ it does happen but it won't mean that you weren't good enough for him. You've done your best to make it happen,you still want to give him a chance and it sounds like you love the guy a whole lot. If that isn't good enough,then I don't know what is cause I would want a partner like you.
You just gotta let him go,hun. He ain't going to adapt to what you want and you're only making it harder for yourself. Relationships are meant for two,not one. This one,requires a shit ton of patience and input from the both of you but clearly,it doesn't seem that way and it's making you feel horrible. If you think he's still worth it,I guarantee that you'll make a friendship work out better.
>>143224If your boyfriend cares about you,I'm sure both you and him will try to find ways to make it work despite how shitty his family is. Are you worried about something else as well-?
>>143225Anon,you'll find someone soon. Why not try with a "I want to find a friend" mindset,rather then a "I want a bf" mindset. Pretty sure it'll be more easier and you'll find someone interested in most things that you like.
No. 143228
>>143225try moving away. Not to another country. Try another city or something.
I'm about to move to another country for Uni.
My plan is to change everything about me, if i get accepted.
No. 143229
File: 1467684751859.png (223.43 KB, 400x400, tumblr_myx0rbCTDT1re4kf1o1_400…)
>>143226Not really other than how much it stresses him out, his family is incredibly manipulative and it's aggravating. He doesn't give in or anything but it does take a toll on him because he tells me he feels he's in a cage or controlled by them and he's been feeling this way before I was in his life. I feel like he tries too hard to make everyone happy when that's impossible.
>>143225I agree with
>>143228 maybe it's where you are or you're bored with your environment? Maybe if you try to change it in little ways or go somewhere different maybe someone will catch your eye. But I also agree with
>>143226 over not having that mindset of trying to get friend/bf. It'll make things spontaneous and unexpected.
No. 143230
>>143229Oh dear,that sounds quite upsetting. Well,as long as he knows you're there for him,I'm sure it will help him have a little bit of stress taken off from his shoulders.
Has he tried to find a place of his own?
I'm not in the same place as he is but he may find comfort in a place where he isn't stressed by his family
No. 143231
>>143226Thank you for the kind words, anon. I did end it. It hurts a lot right now but it's probably for the best. We didn't have a future as it stands and with how he is. I wanted to help and support him so much but I don't think hopes are enough sometimes.
Thank you, though. I needed to read this today and I feel a lot better. We're still talking casually but I know he doesn't care romantically for me like I do him. And it kinda guts me he seems to be just fine with this breakup and here I am in tears whenever I think about our time together. It just doesn't feel fair. But then, I wouldn't trade my emotions for having none. I don't honestly think he will find another person. He seems to be have accepted it, though.
No. 143233
>>143232Yeah, nah
Don't do it
No. 143236
I just posted this in the cheating thread
>>34803 but will elaborate here for obvious reasons.
I haven't dated in 4-5 years, nor have I ever really had a crush lol. there was once in my life but he was way out of my league, years older than me, and obviously not interested lmao. I didn't mind that at all. now there's another crush but this time he is online, sadly enough, but he's so perfect to me. and I had to fuck everything up. but the thing is, even though I did fuck it up, I wouldn't have it any other way because I feel like it's for the best. I just had my reason and forgot.
he lives closer than I would have thought, and he said he would even drive up to meet me, but no, I couldn't have that and I wrote him this long ass paragraph giving reasons as to why he shouldn't, and why we shouldn't even attempt something like this. dumb, right? how do you tell a guy you like him so much, that he melts your heart, yet you don't want to talk to him anymore, but you die inside when he doesn't?? I really don't get myself.
No. 143240
>>143237you're adults in a grown relationship, talk it out
give him some credit, I know you're insecure but don't act in ways that will create self fulfilling prophecies! You got this
No. 143241
>bf and I together for 1+ year
>he's not 10/10 but decent looking
>he's kind, gentle, super romantic
>he respects and supports me in every way
>he is cool with all my weeaboo and other weird hobbies
>he is super in love with me
>There's one biiiig problem though: I don't want to have sex with him.
Before this relationship I've been single and sexless for over a year. Once we started dating I was super excited for sex because I remembered it as something nice, but I quickly lost interest in it somehow. It's boring, I feel awkward and don't like penetration that much. Weird thing is I like to think about sexual acts and I masturbate. I just don't want to have sex, and I feel no real sexual attraction to be honest.
Not even sure if it is realated to only my bf, because there's really no other man either I look at and think "Wow, I wish we could fuck right now".
We have sex maybe once or twice a month, and he is already not feeling fine with that, because it's getting more and more obvious I'm not interested in sex.
He's really an amazing guy and I really like him but I constantly think about breaking up, because of the aforementioned lack of any sexual interest. But how would I even do that? We have no other problems in the relationship, he is in love with me, he is a super nice guy who treats me well… What do I say to him? What should I do? Shall I give up the relationship now? Should I get to a therapist and get my relationship to sex checked by a professional?
I don't really know what to do. I love my bf in a way and I'd love to keep such an amazing person in my life. But clearly there are problems and I cannot avoid it forever.
No. 143242
File: 1468319177591.png (10.92 KB, 476x558, 1357716676001.png)
>>143241It's not your boyfriend, and your issue with sex is probably psychological if you still experience arousal through the thought sex and masturbation. The issue is most likely that you don't know how to mix sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy. It was fun and exciting for you at the beginning because things hadn't gotten serious yet. It's a really common problem that a lot of couples run into.
You can get through this by addressing and/or uncovering the reasons why the "full" intimate experience (emotional+physical) is so scary for you that your body shuts down at the thought of sex with your partner. I can almost guarantee the answers lie somewhere in your past. Because of that, you might consider seeking a therapist, but I would definitely recommend someone that specializes in the psychoanalytic approach rather than cognitive behavioral, which will not address the root of the issue. If there is legitimate trauma in your history, I would recommend seeking a counselor who specializes (obv) in trauma. Avoid psychiatrists. They can't help with this.
Source: I went through this for almost three years with my current partner. I slowly worked through it and now our sex life is much more fulfilling.
No. 143243
>>143242Thanks for your honest opinion.
It is really weird because I used to enjoyed sex with the longterm bfs I had before this one during the whole relationship, and never really had much issue with it. I also have zero trauma or bad experience with sex. Never been molested, all my sexual partners have been nice and respectful, haven't been shamed for sex or anything else serious. Normal family and no other traumatising incident.
But somehow over time, I just lost interest in being a sexual person. And I have no real idea why. My bf jokingly wrote me yesterday that we should have sex again and the only thing I felt was being grossed out while already panicking and thinking on how I can avoid it.
I suspected I might have slight depression, which if it's true would be the only thing I can think about that causes this issue. But so far I didn't really want to go see a professional, and also the waiting list for most therapist regardless of which kind is 4-6+ months anyway.
I have no idea how to talk the the bf about this, because as said I can't really pinpoint an exact reason, and I don't know how to handle his reaction when I tell him I don't want to have sex with him in the forseeable future. It would be understandable if he reacts kinda pissed and disappointed. How did you handle it with your partner, and what helped you through the process?
No. 143244
>>143243>so far I don't really want to go see a professional>waiting list for most therapist is 4-6+ monthsMaybe you'll feel like seeing one, in a couple of months so I suggest you book that appointment now.
Also the fact that you're saying you "don't
want to" and not something along the lines of you "don't feel like you
need to" tells me that it's something you seriously should consider doing.
No. 143245
>>34865You have to be at least 18 to post here.
>>143241Are you sure it's not something he does in bed or his hygiene that puts you off?
No. 143248
>>143243>>143243>I also have zero trauma or bad experience with sex. Never been molested, all my sexual partners have been nice and respectful, haven't been shamed for sex or anything else serious. Normal family and no other traumatising incident.Completely normal families often emotionally neglect their children without realizing they are doing it. This can cause a whole host of psychological issues when the child is an adult (feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem, intimacy problems/lack of libido, depression, recurring suicidal thoughts, feeling isolated, like you'll never be good enough, feeling like you're abnormal, etc), and it can be especially difficult for them to pin-point why exactly they feel this way, as they had a seemingly normal childhood with loving parents. Usually in these cases, the parents are emotionally neglected themselves, don't realize they're being neglectful, and are just raising the child the way their were raised.
I don't mean to reach with this, since I don't know you at all, but I believe you when you say that you genuinely love your boyfriend and don't fantasize about having sex with other people, so I'm leaning towards the issue not being with him, and emotional neglect is sadly an extremely common reason that people end up with psychological issues that they don't understand.
>I suspected I might have slight depression, which if it's true would be the only thing I can think about that causes this issue. But so far I didn't really want to go see a professionalAny particular reason why you wouldn't see a therapist, aside from not thinking your problems are severe enough? Again, I don't mean to reach, but often the reason people avoid these things is there's something bubbling beneath the surface they're unconsciously not wanting to address.
>and also the waiting list for most therapist regardless of which kind is 4-6+ months anyway.Are you from the US? Do you have no form of insurance? Is your source of income not enough to cover a co-pay (usually between $50-75 per session)? If you said no to all of the above, this would not even be close to true for you for "most therapists," sorry.
Low-cost therapy centers are typically the ones that will put you on a wait-list, and that's due to a.) lots of low-income individuals/families wanting an appointment, and b.) the majority of counselors at these centers are still in training and not licensed yet. Even so, a 4-6 month wait is pretty outrageous. 2-3 months is usually the average wait.
I have seen a wide range of different individual counselors over the years (I’m old, have moved a lot and was severely neglected as a child) and have never had to wait more than one week for my first consultation, which is usually free. Sometimes, they’ll even have the option to do it with you over the phone. Are you sure you aren’t referring to psychiatrists with this claim of an average 4-6 month wait?
>I have no idea how to talk the the bf about this, because as said I can't really pinpoint an exact reason, and I don't know how to handle his reaction when I tell him I don't want to have sex with him in the forseeable future. It would be understandable if he reacts kinda pissed and disappointed. How did you handle it with your partner, and what helped you through the process?Well, I’ve probably been somewhat lucky in that department. I actually couldn’t have sex for about 6 months due to a chronic pain disorder. Once that went into remission, I still had little to no sex drive and did not feel “close” with him anymore, therefore the idea of sex freaked out and/or repulsed me. We went through this on and off for almost three years, and luckily he was just extremely patient with me while I worked on myself and uncovered some of my issues with intimacy. It was a VERY slow process becoming comfortable with him again, and there were plenty of times we had to stop in the middle of sex because I just couldn’t handle it. What helped me, really, is being open and honest about how I was feeling, and him being able to reciprocate without getting offended or upset. Communication is key here, I would say.
How long have you and your bf been together, and would you say communication in this relationship is typically easy and frequent on both your ends?
No. 143251
>>143250>Is it weird that I don't want to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend? No, but…
>Even seeing him once a week is a stretch for me.That's pretty weird.
No. 143252
Do you girls even like if man is trying hard for you?
I met someone at the uni, after around 1 year I noticed I care about her much more than I thought, told her that and said I'd like to push this relationship to another level, as in not just friends but bf-gf. She refused saying she doesn't want any relationships right now. I was like "ok, no problem, but I'll be trying anyway because I'm not someone who gives up so easily and I really care". Another year passed and I still can't open her up, can't visit her or invite her myself (or rather I can invite, but she refuses to make use of that invitation). Normally I'd think she doesn't give a fuck but she still agrees to meet every now and then, I take her out to various places, sometimes make a gift in form of something sweet to eat or something handmade, she still laughs and enjoys stuff I say and you could say she's willing to face some slight sacrifices when I'm in need (nothing serious, just a bit additional effort because I easily can rely on myself 99% of the time).
I'm confused. At one hand it looks like she enjoys everything, on the other I feel like she's keping me at distance. I don't think I was ever pushy, I know she doesn't have lot of time so I wasn't bothering her about meetings every second day, usually it was 1-4 times a month. I'm slowly running out of ideas what to try. Any idea what I could have done wrong or how to open shut-in up a little? Both of us are similar, kind of antisocial.
It's been 2 years now, but I'm not fucking giving up.
I want to hear how it looks from girls point of view. Especially from shut-ins.
No. 143253
>>143252>She refused saying she doesn't want any relationships right now. I was like "ok, no problem, but I'll be trying anyway because I'm not someone who gives up so easily and I really care".She rejected a relationship. Saying you're going to pursue one anyway is pushy.
>Normally I'd think she doesn't give a fuck but she still agrees to meet every now and then, I take her out to various places, sometimes make a gift in form of something sweet to eat or something handmade, she still laughs and enjoys stuff I say and you could say she's willing to face some slight sacrifices when I'm in need (nothing serious, just a bit additional effort because I easily can rely on myself 99% of the time).This sounds like a normal friendship to be honest with you. Not having romantic feelings for you doesn't mean she's just gonna stop liking you and enjoying your company. She might just see you as a friend.
No. 143255
File: 1468367684482.jpg (38.03 KB, 526x522, 1328178165001.jpg)
>>143252>"ok, no problem, but I'll be trying anyway because I'm not someone who gives up so easily and I really care"This is creepy as fuck. If anyone ever said this to me after I told them I wasn't interested in a relationship, I would either outright tell them to fuck off, or do everything in my power to avoid them from then on out.
>I don't think I was ever pushy,Yeah, no. You are definitely being pushy. Your girl in question just sounds like she's extremely passive, and I'm willing to bet it's purely because you're lavishing her with free shit and attention.
>It's been 2 years now, but I'm not fucking giving up.Dude, you are so fucking beta it hurts. Nothing you're doing here is romantic or heroic. You are wasting your time on someone who made it abundantly clear that they are not interested you romantically, and I promise everyone who is aware of this "relationship" you're pursuing respects you less for it.
For your own sake, grow a pair and move on.
No. 143256
>>143253>She rejected a relationship. Saying you're going to pursue one anyway is pushy.>>143254She's explicitly told you she doesn't want to date you.
No. Not wanting something right now doesn't mean not wanting something forever. No one is fucking mindreader to know what you think while saying something else. So if you ever say something like this, stop. Be direct and honest for fucks sake.
And if you are afraid of losing "friendship" then it's pretty egoistical. I'm not treating my friends the way I treat her. If I hear I will never have chance, 90% of motivation and stuff I do for her is gone because right now she's special to me and I'd have to treat her like every other friend. Fuck, I might even completely drop the whole thing because spending time with someone you care about so much knowing you'll never have chance is pain and ruins all the pleasure of relationship. Decieving people like that to preserve special treatment is egoistical as fuck.
Besides, would you be pleased and giggle in a friendly way if you heard recently, after 2 years from a man he isn't giving up? She did. Reading your posts I get the impression you'd rather be annoyed.
>>143255It's not like there's any other interesting girl on the horizon. Most of girls I see have garbage personality for my taste. I don't mind trying even 2 more years in such situation. Just because I sometimes hear stories from women how they accepted because someone was trying and it turned out it was worth it and they're married for decade or two now.
No. 143257
>>143256>No. Not wanting something right now doesn't mean not wanting something forever. No one is fucking mindreader to know what you think while saying something else. So if you ever say something like this, stop. Be direct and honest for fucks sake.And if you are afraid of losing "friendship" then it's pretty egoistical. I'm not treating my friends the way I treat her. If I hear I will never have chance, 90% of motivation and stuff I do for her is gone because right now she's special to me and I'd have to treat her like every other friend. Fuck, I might even completely drop the whole thing because spending time with someone you care about so much knowing you'll never have chance is pain and ruins all the pleasure of relationship. Decieving people like that to preserve special treatment is egoistical as fuck.
tl;dr: "I'm externalizing my insecurities onto my fake gf and all women in general because I'm incapable of taking responsibility for them myself."
>It's not like there's any other interesting girl on the horizon. Most of girls I see have garbage personality for my taste. I don't mind trying even 2 more years in such situation. Just because I sometimes hear stories from women how they accepted because someone was trying and it turned out it was worth it and they're married for decade or two now.Lmao, okay pal. You stay beta and have a nice life pining after someone who clearly gives zero fucks about your feelings.
No. 143258
>>143256>No one is fucking mindreaderYou don't have to be a mindreader. She TOLD you she doesn't want a relationship.
>I'm not treating my friends the way I treat her.That's your behaviour, not hers. She can't change the way YOU act.
>If I hear I will never have chance, 90% of motivation and stuff I do for her is gone because right now she's special to me and I'd have to treat her like every other friend.You should treat her like any other friend. If she wanted to be in a relationship with you, she would be, especially since you've already told her how you feel and she could ask you out with zero risk.
>Decieving people like that to preserve special treatment is egoistical as fuck.I don't get why you think she's deceiving you when she straight up declined to be in a relationship?
No. 143259
>>143258What do you don't understand in words RIGHT NOW? Said one year ago.
Since when saying "I don't want to go to toilet right now" means "I don't want to go to toilet ever"? Have you ever read that part?
>I don't get why you think she's deceiving youI don't because I assume that not wanting something right now means exactly what it means, as it it's not permanent state.
I said that if you are saying something while thinking something else on purpose then you're decieving someone. That was my response to show you how it looks from male point of view.
How can you even communicate if you aren't even precise? But I didn't came her to argue but for advice. So far every response to my post included either false assumption, or you did not explain how the fuck this works and how saying something while thinking something else in such case is legitimate.
No. 143262
>>143260I have no reason but I didn't ask her about it second time so far. Right now my goal is, like I stated, to open her up some more and get closer, not to instantly push for relationship. I'm taking what I consider small steps right now. Relationship is long term, final goal, but I'm trying not to be pushy.
>>143261The thing is, I have impression you're basing it on false statement. The one I mentioned earlier, that "right now =/= ever" thing. I'm yet to hear how it makes sense in situation I described.
No. 143263
>>143259>you did not explain how the fuck this worksI have a hard time believing you're actually this naive, and rather that you are deeply in denial as a result of spending this much effort on someone who almost certainly has no intention of reciprocating your feelings.
So, here's your situation:
>ask a girl if she wants to date you>she says "not right now">you spend 2 years pining after her, giving her gifts, taking her out, etc>still no response to your advances other than appearing to enjoy spending time with you>still does not want to date youYou basically have two options as to what's going through her head at this point:
1.) She is not interested in you romantically, but likes you enough as a friend to continue hanging out with you.
2.) She is not interested in you romantically, but likes the fact that you're lavishing her with attention and free gifts, so she continues to hang out with you.
I mean, you really just need to try and dissociate from your feelings for this girl for a moment and be realistic about this. How likely do you honestly think it is at this point that she's going to change her mind and reciprocate your feelings? It's been TWO FUCKING YEARS, dude.
And for the record, I think she is absolutely being a cold bitch for not being direct with you about this and giving you what I believe to be false hope. It may simply be that she is the kind of person who expects others to take responsibility for own feelings, and doesn't believe in expectations. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to change her perspective. All you can do is take charge of the situation either by giving up, or giving her some kind of ultimatum. Ie: "I still want to date you. Either make up your mind about how you feel about me, or I will no longer pursue you romantically."
My honest opinion is that you should just sever ties with her, regardless of what she tells you, otherwise you'll just remain infatuated with her and won't be able to move forward.
No. 143264
>>143262>I'm trying not to be pushy.Look, I'm not trying to be a dick to you but you really do come across as pushy and a little creepy. Maybe you're not in real life, but that's how you come across in your posts. We're not necessarily saying you're intentionally pushing her, that's just how you seem.
Persistently pursuing someone who has previously said they didn't want a relationship (even if she did say "right now") and who doesn't seem to open up to you or behave romantically towards you is a little pushy.
Also, your aggressive justification of why you feel you're correct to keep pursuing her kind of makes me think you interpret a lot of things based on what you want, rather than listening to other people. Once again, maybe that's not what you're like to her, but we only have what you've written to go on.
Ask her if she would consider dating you and if she says no, take the L.
No. 143265
>>143263Little correction:
>1 year of hanging out with mainly going out for a walks with little to no gifts>asked girl>she says "not right now">proceed to try another year, this time with gifts because I'm sure I care now and more attractive activities than just walks>don't know if she wants me now or not, I feel like I need to open her up a little before doing anything elseAnd believe me, I am approaching realistically. I'm not even very emotional or romantic person in the first place. Lot of people even think of me as piece of shit for doing this to almost extreme and crashing their dreams an ideals. Doesn't matter that it later turns out I was right in almost every case. They still don't like it. It's one of this traits that make people either love you or hate you. But yeah, she's similar to me when it coems to personality, values and some stuff we like.
So yeah, of course I was taking into consideration your versions before, but I decided to believe her because I think that you should be honest to someone you're in relationship in/want to form relation ship with and have faith in them despite having faith not being my think, and being able to expect honesty. I just think that relationships should be based on honesty and mutual trust. And I guess I have to disclose more information that I intended to make it clear why I think so:
She's a bit of mix of traditional and independent girl. I wouldn't be surprised if she expected me to do the step again, but at the same time she always tells me that if she didn't like something, she'd tell me it straight. So yeah, I think she's more direct than most of girls, which I like, so I dropped your version entirely.
>>143264>(even if she did say "right now")I'm yet to read how this makes things permanent.
>Also, your aggressive justification of why you feel you're correct to keep pursuing her kind of makes me think you interpret a lot of things based on what you want, rather than listening to other people.>aggressiveBecause it pisses me off when people say that stuff means something it doesn't mean and don't explain. And I'm a bit mad at myself for running out of ideas and coming to site to ask for advices. I getting help so I avoid it till I have to use it.
>based on what you wantMaybe. I have no reason to not be confident because so far persistence and hard work payed off for everything in my life and I get what I want. Lot of people don't like my attitude but I've never heard that I treat someone like shit for no reason or I get what I want by sacrificing others. I may be unpleasant, and to some more fragile people monster, but I'm monster with principles.
Anyway, lot of things can be achieved, but you have to try and want it. It's natural that your desire fuels your will.
>Ask her if she would consider dating you and if she says no, take the L.I have mixed feelings about it because I wouldn't want this whole thing crash based on rushed, not thought out answer if that would be the case. I plan on talking with her soon, but I'll handle this myself.
I'm more interested in female opinion on how to open up such antisocial girls and get closer to them. As I've said I want to achieve my goal by small steps. I'll ask her about big thing when the time comes.
No. 143266
>>143265coming from an antisocial bitch who has told guys the "I'm not ready for a relationship thing" 9 times out of ten it's just something we say to get guys off our case without being bitches.
usually guys don't get the hint and still think there's a chance, which will end up with the girl slowly cutting contact with you. But. since you're giving her shit, she probably won't tell you you don't have a chance in hell again, because you give her stuff.
stop giving her presents and going out of your wat to talk to her, then you'll see if she actually has some feelings for you or if she was just stringing you along because you gave her stuff, even after she rejected you.
No. 143267
>>143251yeah. I mean, he's done nothing wrong and im still attracted to him. just don't want to have to actually see and socialize with him activily that often.
I prefer texting, because I can decide if I want to engage in conversation or not.
I'm not like this with him alone, it's how I feel about everyone close to me. If I didn't live with my mother I definitely wouldn't talk to her on a day to day basis unless she's the one calling.
I don't know how to explain this to him, and I don't know why I feel this way.
No. 143268
>>143266Thanks but why aren't you honest wth them?
Last time I didn't contact her for a while because I thought she doesn't have much time and I had stuff to do it turned out to be something negative.
I've already decided I'm not fucking off unless I hear direct "no, I won't date you ever". Posting this won't change my mind, especially that I'm having special distance to this site for relationship just because some farmers might be pissed at fucking robots shitting up the place and ruining guys' stuff just because they might be robots.
No. 143269
>>143268it's because it's kind of awkward to be completely honest with guys who are interested in you. Depending on the stature of the guy it can also be scary, because we hear so many horror stories of girls turning down the wrong guy and winding up dead in a mass shooting/getting shanked/ stalked.
It's easier to reject someone mostly, and give them some false hope so they fuck off until you can think of some reason to reject them via text in the safety of your home than do it face to face.
Also, most people don't enoy being the bearer of bad news, and its especially hard when you're younger. Outright rejectING someone and knowing that you're ruining their day kinda sucks and avoiding it in anyway possible is ideal.
But, if she's truly not into you and not rejecting you point blank at this point she's a cunt.
No. 143270
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>>143265
>I may be unpleasant, and to some more fragile people monster, but I'm monster with principles.Okay, Elliot Rodger.
No. 143271
>>143269>because we hear so many horror stories of girls turning down the wrong guy and winding up dead in a mass shooting/getting shanked/ stalkedDo you live in some black ghetto or something? In what place people are so fucked up for this being a thing?
>reject via phoneBut you do reject someone entirely after some time. It isn't that bad then.
>you're ruining their daySomeone is going to have ruined day either way. It's not your fault someone deveops feelings for you so you have no obligation to care for someone's else feelings so you can care mostly about your own ass. Just delaying this indefinitely is a cunty thing to do and this is what I have hard time understanding.
>>143270Watch out or I'll go full day of retribution on you, you blond, spoiled, stuck up whore :^)
No. 143273
>>143271 did you not read
>But, if she's truly not into you and not rejecting you point blank at this point she's a cuntidk why you would ever care at this point. She's being a shitty person. is that someone you want to date?
No. 143275
File: 1468385644819.jpg (97.86 KB, 640x960, i cry.jpg)
>decides to trip acid
>realizes i'm still in love with my ex
>cry a shit ton
>ex messages me literally the next day
>tells me he loves me
>get back together later in the week
>super duper fucking happy now bitch
>new bf starts to act like an asshole
>ohno.gif
>bf tells me he's super duper fucking depressed and apologizes for being an asshole
>still acting like an asshole
>cant help or empathize because npd
>stuck getting treated like a piece of shit by this stupid fucker i'm in love with
>mfw
No. 143279
File: 1468448577602.jpg (57.45 KB, 1280x720, 1466103136400.jpg)
How do you deal with a gf with very low self-esteem who wants a boob job ( to me unnecessary, expensive+dangerous) to 'please' you, and thinks you're lying when you say you love her as she is?
She's flat chested and i get that basically everyone sees that as a negative but I think if you're petite and skinny it can be super cute/hot.
The big thing for me is that she won't believe me when I say she doesn't need it. If she can't trust me on this, how can a relationship last if she won't put her faith in me?
No. 143281
>>143279You definitely need to use reverse psychology here.
Say you are worried she is cheating on you and trying to impress other guys, since you do not care nor wnat her to have it done.
No. 143285
>>143280This.
It's probably not about what you want, just about what she wants. She's probably not worried about not being good enough for you, she probably just wants to not feel ugly any more.
No. 143289
>>143288Please for the love of god dont have a threesome if youre unsure about it.
Just reading from your post i already know it will be a distaster
No. 143291
>>143290Personall i think you are overreacting. Don't get me wrong, i understand you. It feels like you'd be not enogh for him to enjoy sex. But don't worry, thats not the case. I am p sure he can distinguish between his relationship with you and the porn. See it as a fantasy he likes to dive in.
Me and my boyfriend watch porn together from time to time as it amuses us how real sex is never as depicted in the films. Also we love the feeling of "doing it better than them"
When i sleep with my boyfriend i have my own little thaughts and fantasies to get going and i bet he has too, nothing to be mad about <3
No. 143292
>>143290If it really bothers you, you should break up with him. I know for most people porn is ''nothing'' but for me it would be a deal breaker.
You shouldnt pressure him to stop watching it only because of your problems with it though, thats shitty
No. 143296
>>143290i look at porn all the time, i could never expect someone else to stop just because i told them to. i honestly dont see anything wrong with it as long as he's not looking at freakish rape/scat/cp/extreme fetish shit.
no matter what a guy says, he will look at porn. there is no way you can stop him unless you cut all access to the internet. thats like trying to tell a guy to stop masturbating. not gonna happen.
No. 143298
>>143296This is totally not true and depends on the person. My bf and I are going to stop because of how addictive it is. Honestly, porn is really terrible for you as a human being, relationship or not because of how it affects your brain. There's a ton of shit backed by real science.
>>143290Try showing him some research on how it affects the brain. There's a chance he might get disgusted at the idea that it's controlling him basically.
No. 143302
File: 1469974997784.jpg (25.54 KB, 600x399, Image3.jpg)
How to stop being bitter about my boyfriend going out?
Basically, I like being by myself and maybe go out with friends once every couple of months (thats what I like) whereas my bf likes to go out once a week or twice (without me). I wouldnt mind spending all my free time with my bf.
I always feel bitter that hed rather spend his time with his friends than me and I really hate that I act so immature. He asks if I want to hang out too but I feel like hes only doing it because I gave him shit for going out so much before. :( So I just stay home.
Should I go to a therapist? I feel like I will end up resenting him (bf) and each time we discuss it with my bf I almost end up having a mental breakdown (a bit of an exaggeration here) and we stop talking for a while. I dont want him to end up resenting me either…
please help
No. 143303
>>143302I had the same problem for almost a year. I honestly don't know a proper solution to this since things just fixed itself once we moved to a new place. I did let him know that it wasn't fair that the only time I had spent with him was when he was in bed for about 30 minutes everyday. He kind of got the idea after I worded that in a sense where he didn't feel like he was being "attacked". I found a big part of communicating with my S/O was finding the right words to say not just blurting out random words since I tend to get over emotional which leads to me crying or getting angry. At that point your emotions take over and you tend to not think straight. He will end up resenting you if you don't find a way to communicate.
I'm also assuming you live with him? Mention to him that you aren't spending quality time together. There is a difference between being with someone all the time and quality. The best way I can explain it is when people tell you "I'm spending time with my family". They live with their family as well. No different than you and your s/o.
No. 143305
>>143302Maybe you need some more hobbies? Sounds like you've made your boyfriend your only source of entertainment and that's not healthy. If you complain about him going out 1/2 times a week he's going to end up feeling smothered.
Maybe go with him a few times and make friends with his friends? That way if you're going out with him it's not some obligation thing but because you enjoy his friends too.
No. 143306
File: 1470138710850.jpg (178.8 KB, 651x976, 1470128338523.jpg)
I'm not the only one who's pathetic enough to listen to BFE/pillowtalk audios am I?
No. 143307
>>143306I listen to asmr to fall asleep if it makes you feel better
Though tbf it's never role-play videos, just tapping and brushes and stuff. And the lady that does it is older and doesn't do gf role-plays
But some people find that cringe too.
No. 143308
File: 1470139818545.jpg (10.46 KB, 166x212, 1469955604663.jpg)
>>143307If its just the tapping/crinkle stuff then I'd have to say not really, I feel like I'm too far gone with the BFE stuff, even if its just occasional.
No. 143310
>>143294>>143295 is good advce.
Honestly, some of it might be that he doesn't want you to think you aren't always cute when he says you look especially cute.
>>143302Yes. You're problem is something you can definitely fix if you find a therapist you can work with, and you are willing to put in the effort.
Additionally, it might be nice if you and he made plans to do things together. They could be outside of the house, or even just special plans at home. That said, one night a week is reasonable and normal to spend with friends.
>>143309Tell him what does and doesn't work for you and why, if you haven't already.
No. 143313
>>143309You need to tell him and maybe try to work something out. You can't just ignore it, trust me, I did for years and it eventually added up.
I would wake up to go pee in the morning and the inside of my vagina would be swollen. Sometimes a bit of bleeding, kinda like spotting. It eventually lead to some painful abdominal issues and a trip to a gyno. Not fun, or good for you.
You might be able to find positions that can help paired with him being gentle, or other mutual sexual stuff to do for each other. But don't just ignore it, please. :(
No. 143315
>>143314I'm the same way, though I don't know why. I'm definitely bisexual, because I can imagine myself in a sexual relationship with some women and men, but most of my crushes on other women have nothing to do with sex and I often feel put off by the idea of being intimate with them.
Also like you, I can't imagine having sex with random men. I think the reason is because I'm generally not attracted to anyone unless I know them well and have an emotional connection, which is pretty rare.
No. 143318
File: 1471028247385.jpg (67.84 KB, 647x623, crie.jpg)
I'm in love with my best friend. She's in a (straight) relationship already and I respect that and her completely but it's recently gotten so painful to talk to her. I'm afraid I'm going to start avoiding her or self-sabotage so I won't get hurt anymore.
No. 143324
>>143319I'd say learn to feel happy on your own. Hang out with friends and try to stay occupied. (I know it's hard when you feel like shit, but it really does help eventually).
I think crying is okay, like the first few days or weeks. Maybe go drinking or have fun with some female friends, with either going to the cinema together or having a sleepover and doing your nails and hair or whatever (I mean it depends on what makes you feel better, sometimes taking care of your own body helps that too).
> Delete all pictures of the two of you together or of him > Block him out on social media so you don't have to be reminded of him too much I mean you shouldn't forget about him completely, this is just what I think helps in the beginning when 'everything' reminds you of him.
No. 143327
File: 1471389042987.png (143.85 KB, 255x335, tumblr_inline_nxixd3Mm921qeqyl…)
>>143326She's bisexual and says she loves me too
No. 143332
>>143330Many of them think basic hygiene is for girls, yes.
Luckily my bf is leagues above yours in the hygiene department and never bitches when I complain about his (lack of) habits but there are days when he pouts because I won't have sex with him yet 'forgets' to wash his nasty ass hands every single time. I used to get really bad UTIs when we first met, I wondered and wondered what it could be because he's my first sex partner
and I had no idea guys don't wash their hands when they choke the chicken. Now I just refuse to do anything unless he gets properly disinfected in the bathroom.
No. 143333
>>143330That's not normal, that's just gross. He's dirty, fam.
>he'll casually make the demand that I please him and get him offWow, he got grosser.
>I'm starting to think I may be a lesbian.Maybe you are, but I don't think you should base this off not being attracted to a really disgusting dude. From what you've written, I wouldn't wanna screw him either.
No. 143335
>>143330Has he always not cared about his hygiene or is this something new?
Because if its new, he may be going through some mental health issues that he needs help for.
No. 143337
>>143336>My boyfriend straight up told me he was, but that he loves me for real now.I think the issue with that is not that he settled, but the fact he decided that was something you needed to be told. At best, it was tactless and at worst, it was downright spiteful. In my experience, guys who feel the need to make it known that you're not their first choice will be the first to run when they get an offer they like better and resent you if they don't. Reading it makes it seem like he thinks he's doing you a favour, which sucks in a relationship. Nobody wants to feel like they're the participation trophy.
People settle down and fall in genuine, powerful love a lot. There's nothing wrong with falling into a rut and discovering that it's more of a happy little nest, so your relationship might be awesome and could work out. I don't know the ins and outs.
You uelimately have to decide for yourself whether you want the relationship you're in now and whether it's good enough for you to stay. If you love him and the relationship is healthy and happy, enjoy it. If him telling you that he settled makes you feel unloved, undesirable or unwanted, get out of there.
>I've never had anyone "fall in love">I have no idea what it is to be on the receiving endIf your boyfriend loves you, then you should know what it feels like to be on the recieving end. He should make you feel like he fell in love.
>first boyfriend>Would it be stupid to dump a safe, stable relationshipAre you staying with him BECAUSE he's safe, stable and your first? Breaking off with the first boyfriend is always difficult because it's new and scary, but sticking with someone purely for stability is a bad idea. Consider the other reasons you want him around. If they're all down to you being used to him and no real emotion, it's time to get out.
No. 143338
>>143337I guess that's exactly my problem. It would be ok if he never told me. But tbh it was really obvious. I've had a crush on him for ever and I've tried to catch his attention and went after other pretty girls (some were my friends) but he always ignored me until the day he didn't. The reason I feel so bad may also have to do with my shitty self image and the fact that all the girls he liked were really thin. He once pointed at my legs and told me he usually goes for girls with thinner thighs, but that he also liked mine.
>Are you staying with him BECAUSE he's safe, stable and your first? That really made me think. In a way, maybe. I was the one who chased him and I love him so much but this has been slowly killing me inside. Thanks for your helpful advice anon.
No. 143345
>>143342>I've officially been single for a year. Wow, someone get her a medal, quick
>Should I pick up another hobby? I've thought about rock climbing. Maybe some guy will pick me up at the gym lol.You're guaranteed top quality men when you only pick up hobbies to get laid
>why does it seem so easy for everyone else?Because it is. Literally everyone but you is getting laid 24/7 with their dream partners. Consider sudoku.
No. 143346
>>143344Wow, I didn't know cheating was bad before you told me. Thanks.
>>143343How do I stop being so negative and desperate?
I think I phrased my statement badly. I think I have met some guys who have had some romantic interest in me. I'm not really worried about finding a guy who would be interested in dating me. I think despite what I feel sometimes, men's standards tend to be pretty low on average. So I think I could date
someone.
The issue is, I don't feel like I could date "someone". I think I have some pretty bizarre/limited standards that's hard for most guys to meet. But I go about in my day to day life and some online dating, and I don't meet anyone I have a spark with. And unlike most people in my early 20s, I don't have a huge solid friend group to constantly expose me to new people.
Before I thought I was hung up on my ex. But I think I could fall in love again if I met the right guy.
idk, I feel like I got addicted to cocaine after doing a few hits of fishscale and now all I can find is crack.
I suppose if I meet a single guy I really like and he doesn't like me back, then I really try not being so negative.
>>143345lmao you sound like a robot or something
I don't even want sex. I want cuddles and snuggles.
No. 143349
File: 1471852034610.png (374.91 KB, 574x503, 1381310257756.png)
Someone please tell me if I'm being a bitch or what. I don't know what to think and feel like I'm being gaslighted or something.
My bf has a habit of telling his gaming friends whenever I do something that he thinks is funny, like if I cry or get mad over something silly. He will actually run to tell them these things online while I'm actually still crying or angry. I've told him before that I feel uncomfortable when he does that, that it's disrespectful, and told him to stop doing it, yet he still does.
He also has a habit of compulsive lying. He has lied a lot to me in the past about random shit, but promised a few months ago that he would stop lying altogether. I tried to talk it out with him and be understanding, because I know his lying stems from an abusive childhood where he felt he had to lie to protect himself, yet he continues to lie to me about little things. He doesn't seem to understand what an impact lying has on a relationship and the other person.
Yesterday, he told me that he was talking to some girl that he met in CSGO and that she was asking him for relationship advice. I was joking around, pretending to be jealous that he was talking to another girl, but he thought I was serious and actually told her that I was jealous of them talking while he and I were sitting there together.
He didn't tell me that he told her, but I just knew that he had, so I asked him. He lied to me again and again that he didn't until he realized he was backed into a corner and confessed. Afterward, he said he lied because he felt pressured by my prodding and poking, that it was none of my business what he talked about with anyone, and couldn't seem to understand that he disrespected me yet again by telling his friends shit about me behind my back. He said he didn't want to tell me because he knew I'd be upset and that it wasn't a big deal anyway because I wouldn't have known in the first place if I hadn't asked.
I grew up in an abusive home with a parent who was a compulsive liar, so this kind of shit really pisses me off. He's never lied about anything huge, but I feel like it's the little lies more than the big ones that have a huge impact in the long run. That coupled with the fact that he doesn't see the problem with making fun of me behind my back (though he says he wasn't making fun of me this time) makes it worse.
No. 143351
File: 1471858008273.jpg (47.05 KB, 407x517, image.jpg)
>>143349Sounds like he's a real twat m8
No. 143352
>>143349Dude, break up with him.
If you're crying and you're sad, if he's not there making you feel better, but just runs off to make fun of you? Well, you don't fucking deserve that. No one does.
Also why does he have to tell everybody about what you're doing like that you're jealous of a girl. It's just shitty behavior.
I mean, maybe you can work through it, but having dated a compulsive liar, I know it's not going to change. Not unless some mayor miracle happens.
No. 143353
>>143350You mean you think he's actually autistic? He was actually diagnosed with Asperger's as a kid, but believes he was misdiagnosed. Sometimes I'm not too sure.
>>143352I mean, the majority of the time, he'll be there for me and comfort me, but it's the fact that I've told him I don't like when he runs off to tell other people and he does it anyway. He told me that he thinks it's cute when I'm upset, but sometimes it just feels like he's making fun of me more than anything.
You really think he can't change? I thought it was great that he was able to admit that he is one and could acknowledge that he lies because of X,Y, and Z, so I assumed he could work through the lying, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I don't really think he even has a problem with lying, other than just having to deal with the consequences of me catching him time and time again.
No. 143354
>>143349Dump him. Seriously. You've asked him to stop and he won't. He's gotten caught and STILL acts like a total autist. If he truly cared about you, about how you felt, would be continue to behave this way? No. It's one thing to make a couple mistakes and learn from them, but he has obviously proved that he's incapable of doing so (hallmark of an autist).
You deserve better.
No. 143357
>>143356Need details on what your current bf did to make you feel sour on him.
It's normal to feel excited about a new guy, it's the honeymoon period. However, he won't necessarily keep any promises he makes you. You have no mileage with him. You could throw away a perfectly good relationship and wind up with someone worse - or he could be the guy of your dreams. It's just the risk you take. But what did you and your bf argue about?
No. 143358
>>143356sounds like you just have a silly crush on the new guy. You idolise him but you dont know how things might change after dating him for 6-8months or more.
From what I can understand is that youre out of the honeymoon phase with your bf and thats all. crushes come and go away. id stay with your bf if i was you
No. 143359
>>143357>>143358My currently boyfriend doesnt see me for 6 months at a time, doesn't work, blamed me recently for his position in life. Meanwhile I work my ass off where as (he comes from a richer background) gets his rent, food money etc given to him. I don't know if there is any future for us. I've talked to him about it but he doesn't seem to change. He said he was going to find work at the end of last year. It's fucking August, almost September. I just feel like he's taking me for a ride. I love him but it's almost like dealing with a man child. He could have so much potential but he just wastes it on smoking pot and gaming.
The new 'crush' has a job, is stable, looking to own his own place, more outgoing and seems to have more overall confidence. He would look after me in a sense.
I don't know guys. I'm so confused.
No. 143360
>>143359 Your current boyfriend seems to be a total man child. It seems he takes no personal responsability for anything- his life, his relantionship, himself.
Maybe you should take some time for yourself, like half a week where you speak to neither one of these guys and think about what you want.
No. 143361
Idk if this is the right thread for this, but I just got dumped because my ex was actually gay, and I'm feeling pretty down about relationships in general.
We had a great relationship, except I guess I didn't have the right chromosomes, and I can't help but feel like I'll never meet another guy who I connect with on that level. Logically, there are many guys out there, so there has to be at least one other, but my luck with relationships has been so rotten, I don't know what to think anymore. I'm starting to feel like I'll wind up single for life with nothing but a herd of cats to keep me company.
I know it shouldn't be, but this has been a pretty big blow to my self esteem. I just want to be okay so that I can at least focus on school, but no matter how hard I try I always end up feeling sad. How do I get back on my feet?
No. 143362
>>143361It's normal to feel that way. Keep in mind that people usually break up because they start fighting, disagreeing on important questions, somebody starts cheating… Something bad happens that opens up your eyes to the bad things that were there all along. This is not your case and you're probably idealizing him and your relationship to an extent.
There is a lot of amazing guys out there, but most people in general are underwhelming so statistically it makes sense that it's not that easy to run into somebody that's a perfect match for you.
What helped me keep hope was realizing that if I have so many girlfriends who I consider amazing people, there must be guys like that too, I just hadn't met any of them yet.
Try to be somebody who doesn't feel like they are missing anything by being single. Learn to enjoy your life and feel fulfilled and you'll start attracting a different type of guy. Douches pray on the vulnerable and sad. If that describes you, you're probably the type that won't notice how bad they are until it's too late.
Good luck anon! Don't give up
No. 143366
>>143365This, he sounds awful. I can't imagine why he would tell you these things unless he's trying to manipulate or deliberately hurt you.
Either way, it's not healthy…I wouldn't stay, anon. A relationship like this won't end well, and it's already hurting you.
No. 143367
>>143365This tbh. He sounds like an asshole that doesn't care about your feels even if he did actually settle for you.
Storytime: my uncle married a rebound grille out of desperation in his late 20s just to end up hating her guts(and vice versa), become a serial cheater and eventually leave the family with two teenage children of his and abandon the house he had built himself on his own land.
All the parties involved ended up pretty miserable actually.
I'd advise to not continue such a relationship.
No. 143368
>>143360He is a complete man child. He blames dealing with my problems as the reason he hasnt progressed anywhere! Sure, i've been very ill for a couple of years but everything I did to improve my life was ME. He wasn't here to hold my hand EVER. He just helped me out with my emotional side. He has no concept what a real life relationship is like I think, how the MAJORITY of people work. He's always been in LDR where as this is my first real one.
I'm just really close to throwing in the towel. I love him but he needs to sort his act and our future otherwise I will be breaking up and possibly try out meeting this new guy who lives about an hour away.
I just don't want to come across like a bitch but i'm fed up of being used.
No. 143369
>>143368
>I just don't want to come across like a bitch but i'm fed up of being used.You don't sound like a bitch. You sound at the end of your rope and honestly, I've been there. He's not pulling his weight and emotional outlets can be found with a friend, tbh. I've always thought that physical intimacy is intertwined so deeply with emotional that the thought of not seeing my bf for 6 months is just…not something I would deal with.
It seems like you've made up your mind. Meet this new dude, see what he's like in person (obviously don't cheat!) but spend time with him and then decide if you wanna move on. It's probably best that you do, but yeah.
No. 143373
>>143371Same. That's some redflags there. I know he wants to be impartial but fuck calling your gf 'drama' when she's telling him his friend his sending her hate-mail.
Like, wtf. What a jerk.
No. 143376
>>143374Wait, what? Why is anon the psycho? bf's friend is the psycho, and bf is an ass hole. I agree with
>>143371 though, drop 'em both. You can do better.
No. 143377
farmers, I need your input.
>20 years old; sorority girl in uni
>never been in a relationship, virgin, meet really cool frat guy at a party
>first time we meet he gives me his jacket when we walk home,
>wow no guy has ever done that to me before
>I go to his apartment to chill
>we're both drunk af
>exchange numbers and leave an hour later
>wake up to a text the next morning
>"hey anon I'm sorry I might've given you the wrong impression when I invited you over, I don't know you too well and I'm not really into hookups"
>don't really like hookups either (obviously) so I'm impressed by how considerate he is
>definitely different from other guys I've met in uni so far
>we talk on and off for several months
>one month ago we say we like each other
>things escalate; kissing, touching, etc.
>lose my virginity to him, he's really sweet about the whole thing so I'm happy
>so, does this mean we're gonna date now, since we like each other?
>"uh, I don't like dating, anon"
>wat
>"I don't want the commitment, and I want to feel constricted by a relationship"
>I explain to him that it's important to me because I want defined boundaries and I don't want for us to be hooking up with other people bc college is nuts
>he acts like being in a relationship is like being married or some shit
>also says to me that I'm "pressuring him too much to commit"
Farmers, I'm confused. We both genuinely like each other and based on his actions now and in the past, it doesn't seem like sex is his main motivator here. I ask him what I am to him, and he says I'm "more than a friend" to him. He says if we wanna establish boundaries (ex: no hooking up with other people), he'd be really happy to do that, but he doesn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend. It's just kind of odd to me, and it's a bit inconvenient when family asks "so, do you have a boyfriend?"
Farmers, what's going on here? Is there something going on in his head that I can't see? Is something fishy? Do I just not understand the flow of college relationships? I'm not looking for anything super serious, I just want us to date and have fun.
No. 143378
>>143377Just ask him directly why there's a difference to him by calling it a relationship.
If he says he doesn't want the commitment I don't think he's really into you. At least not as much as you think he is. Also, college relationships are not different than any other relationships. You can also tell him that you can have a "casual" relationship, whatever that means.
>I just want us to date and have fun.Say exactly that.
No. 143379
>>143377Holy shit you got played so hard. He's turned you into the girl who will keep trying to get him to settle down by fucking him over and over. He probably has half a dozen girls just like you who he treated the exact same way. This is how players get the girls who aren't into one night stands. They make them fall for them by pretending to be uninterested in them just for sex and then string them along once they do start fucking. If he had made it clear all he was interested in was sex, you never would have fucked him.
Guys lie. Attractive frat bros are practically psychopaths. Any time you're fucking a guy but he won't agree to make it official, you got played.
No. 143381
>>143378
>I just want us to date and have fun.…except she's clearly more involved in the relationship (whatever label you want to put on it) than he is, and will ultimately end up getting more attached as time goes on, and eventually heart broken when she admits to both him and herself that she wants something more than just "fun" and he doesn't.
>>143379Holy shit, you're a bitter retard. Being a college student who only wants casual sex with someone despite knowing the other person wants more does not them a psychopath, it just makes them a bit of an insensitive dick.
>>143380This is legit advice, honestly. He wants a friends with benefits style relationship with you, anon, and isn't telling you this straight up because he doesn't want to lose you.
No. 143382
>>143379I don't think he's manipulating me, honestly. (And I'm not saying this because "loveee" or whatever). I'm not usually someone who does relationships so I can usually spot tools pretty accurately. Things naturally flowed into how they are now and nothing FEELS off about it.
>>143378>>143380>>143381Thanks for the advice, guys. I'm going to meet with some of my close guy friends tonight and talk to them about this too. What confuses me is when he tells me how much he likes me and how he tells me how happy he is when I'm with him. Emotionally-loaded stuff like that makes my head spin. I do think he's a good person, but I think in this case we can't continue having sex and hopefully I can get the courage to tell him that I really like him but I can't keep doing this.
No. 143383
>>143382Nah girl, he manipulated you.
>>143379 Was blunt and insensitive about it, but they're most likely right. You'll be surprised at the extent guys go to just to get laid.
I was in a very similar relationship, where I met a guy and it seemed like we got along super well, we both liked each other, we got involved sexually, yadda yadda. And he just didn't want that label of gf/bf because he had other side pieces. Even if he was only having sex with me, he still had his eyes on other girls for the potential hook ups.
Guys are scum. Try talking to him, letting him know that you don't want to continue a sexual relationship with him. Chances are he'll probably guilt you into continuing, don't fall for it if he does, stand your ground. And if you do he'll be moving on.
Sorry your first time was with someone so scummy.
No. 143384
>>143382Anon, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know it's not fun to hear such a hard truth but you're being played so hard.
Sure, not everyone is the same but the odds are he just wanted to take the challenge. It's not going to end well, however if you still want to go down that path and live your life, I suggest playing him back. That might trick him into a relationship(not saying it will be a good and stable one).
>>143376Sorry, I worded it badly. She is currently the psycho in the situation, because he thinks she is, and not because she actually is. If someone told me "your friend is bullyinge me on anon, please don't talkk to her" I would be suspicious as well. Depending on how long they've known each other and all that. Basic Cassandra.
I have been in 2 similar situations, the one where I reacted, I ended up losing all my friends. The one where I didn't do anything other than a quick mention, I was told "you were right" a couple of months later.
Sorry, I sound like an annoying know-it-all. I grew up with 6 older brothers who didn't realise I was listening to all the shit they talked about.
No. 143386
>>143385That's fucking weird on so many levels. He's disrespecting your boundaries even after you shut him down, he's spilling personal details about his fiance and expecting you to do the same.
I think you should definitely tell her. If he's bold enough to do it to her best friend, he'll do it to other girls. If she already knows how open he is about it, then it won't hurt her. If she doesn't, then she needs to know.
Also, her aside, if what he's saying is bothering you then you shouldn't have to put up with his shit either.
No. 143389
>>143388At first we were joking about 'weird' fetishes - like having a laugh. I didnt want to talk about mine. You clearly can't read.
>>143386>>143387I'm going to do just that. I've slept on it and i still think it's strange as fuck.
No. 143396
>>143385So at first it sounded like he was just being a creep.
But honestly, I'm wondering why you guys were messaging in the first place?
I don't think you need to be pm'ing your friends fiance unless you have known each other for a while? That in itself is kinda weird? I'd just avoid messaging him at all and not reply much.
Also just a personal advice, don't joke about fetishes with guys you don't know very well unless you are into talking to them about it (guys like sex, you joke sex, they often misunderstand and think you are interested, I know it's crazy). The fact that he wants to compare is weird, but the fact that you guys were joking about fetishes, also kinda weird? Ya know. It might have made him think you are interested in discussing those things.
I'd go with telling your friend about it and asking her what she wants you to do? If she's cool with him talking about her fetishes with strangers and comparing her to her other female friends, then I guess that's alright (but I'm guessing she didn't know about this)
No. 143397
Not my business but this rustles my jimmies significantly:
>le gay bff, he's a pretty cool guy
>came out to me and a couple other friends a year or so ago, can't tell his mom cause catholic
>friend finds a boyfriend, everything seems to be going fine
Some months later…
>boyfriend is super jealous and overcontroling
>friend can't talk to guy friends and even some girls, bf freaks out
>meanwhile bf parties with exes, sleeps on the same bed with gay guys
>friend catches him on tinder sending half naked pics with underwear that HE BOUGHT HIM
Fast forward a year or so full of shit like this
>friend finds out the other guy cheated on him with his ex
>friend gets an std, understand he was cheated on multiple times
>gets depressed, gets kicked out of the house he lives in, mom is angry at him, fails several classes
>friend is determined to break up with piece of shit bf
All his friends supported him a lot during this time. He was going to break up with him this week, but not before gross guy's birthday. Friend and I planned a shopping date for him to relax a little bit and get himself some nice new stuff.
>friend says he lost the keys to his flat the night before and had to spend the night at a friend's house, after panicking a lot
>says bf was "so considerate" because he sent messages asking if he was okay and it "took him an hour to fall asleep!!!"
>"i'm not breaking with him after all kek"
>the only things he buys on our date are expensive clothes for his bf
the fuck can I do???
No. 143398
>>143397This is so unhealthy. Unfortunately many people don't notice for a very long time, so while you can be there for him when he's down you can't really save him from his own bad decisions.
Did you ask him why his bf didn't let him stay at his house when he was "so considerate"?
No. 143400
I've been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years now and he's really cute and innocent and nice but a little too much it seems.
He was a total virgin when we met, never even had kissed a girl at 18 back then (we're the same age), basically because he was and still is kind of a shut in except for his TCG hobbies. I've had 2 sexual partners before him and some other relationships but I'm not super experienced, since I'm kind of awkward and socially anxious myself.
Anyway… He is a sweetheart and I know I can trust him with everything, I know he's not going to cheat, and he's a terrible liar so he can't hide anything from me without me checking his bluff… We never ever fight, if we get mad at eachother it's literally just for a few hours and then it's fine.
But guys… the sexlife… We aren't compatible AT ALL. He has no feeling, no game, no foreplay capability. I love to be teased, dirty talked, roleplay, rough sex, whatever kinky stuff, I have lots of fetishes and I'm willing to try out most stuff. Even being dominant is fine with me. But he is only capable of getting horny and then we always have the same routine of making out and him eating me out and me giving him a BJ… Because, although he gets hard fine he can't keep it up during sex because "he is nervous" or "has performance anxiety". This has been going on for 3yrs and we only managed to have PIV sex till completion about like 5 times.
We talked and talked about everything, I told him all my kinks, he knows what I like, we talked about his nervousness… I never humiliated him or anything, I was always supportive… But I'm starting to get so sexually frustrated. I get off by myself so much but I'm losing all drive when we're together because it's always the same routine, and when we try to change it to PIV, he keeps going soft and then stressing even more about it…
I don't know what else to do, I feel like I'm going crazy because he is the best person for me, puts up with all my shit, but… he just sucks at every physical display of affection…
No. 143401
>>143400Get him viagra or something to keep his dick hard. If you're in the UK, you can just order it online after filling out a form. Idk how easy it is everywhere else.
Sex toys might help. Something that vibrates might keep him hard while you try new things. Maybe a cock ring or something.
For the long term solution: sex or couples therapy might work out well for you. Even though you've already spoken about it, having a third party support you might help. Him talking it through with somebody else might make him more confident with you - if he can talk sex with a stranger, he might be more comfortable having it with you. I think he needs to speak to a professional because obviously he has mental and not physical hangups if he can stay hard during blowjobs.
No. 143406
>>143402Let that be a lesson for you. Next time this happens do the following procedure and this applies for all creeps you know in real life bothering you online
1-Send him a dry message telling him you don't appreciate this behaviour and that you will not be responding. Tailor this message to your needs but keep it unemotional.
2-Block him and never contact him again. If he finds novel ways to contact you and it starts going into stalker territory contact your local police. This is only for people you know in rl remember so don't go crazy and report online weirdos.
3- Tell your partner. Your partner should be like your best friend. You should be able to tell him "Ugh I feel so shitty today david sent me dick picks I thought he wanted to be friends" You can show him the messages and he should see there's no cheating or flirting going on at a glance.
No. 143407
>>143400He's gay/bi/submissive and in the closet about it
Mystery solved
Either that or he legit has test issues. He should have bloodwork done.
No. 143409
>>143403>>143404 i told him to stop beceause that shit was uncool and he apologized for everything and said he'd never cross that line again so I forgave him and tried to just talk as friends. I knew him for a bit, he lives near me and my mom asks about him sometimes, so I guess i thought he could just chill and everything would be fine.
He laid off for a while and then he sent them again yesterday when my bf saw. Went through my phone and didn't find anything and told me to just never talk to the dude, which I told him right after my bf left anyway.
I know I should have just blocked him, and I know what to do going forward. I'd rather not be dumped over dick pics and he my S.O think I'm unfaithful because of it…
No. 143410
>>143401You're right, anon. I wish he had someone to talk to, maybe that could help him. There's only so much advice I can give when I don't have a penis.
We did try regular cock rings at my suggestion but he didn't seem to be very into it… I'll have to see a vibrating cock ring or something.
>>143405Not really. I admit I've given it some thought (and when I wrote that post I was kind of horny and frustrated…) but that's not going to solve anything, especially if I intend to have a long relationship with this guy, which I do.
>>143407Ugh I've tried to have an heart-to-heart with him so many times, I've asked him if he doesn't feel attracted to girls, if he wants to be with a guy, etc, etc, he never admitted to any of it (obviously) and didn't freak out at my questions, so I don't what else to do. He doesn't want anything to do with anal stimulation on him whatsover though.
As for being submissive, he never expressed either interest in the idea or aversion when I asked directly… Maybe I should just try it and see how he responds but I don't know how to go about it.
No. 143411
>>143400Holy fuck anon are you me?
My boyfriend is exactly the same - he just sucks in bed. He gets scared of hurting me so he pussies out so much. It is such a turn off for me. My boyfriend won't go down on me for reasons that he gets nervous when it comes to bodily fluids, like i'm going to piss on him. It made me feel very unattractive and got me upset.
Why can't they just be freaks in bed?
No. 143412
>>142453Boy Lolcow, have I fucked up.
To start, I ended up going on a date with this boy through facebook (we have a ton of mutual friends) and ended up becoming fast friends. He was really attracted to me initially and in time my feelings followed. We were constantly texting and talking on the phone. We would do this because he lived in my town all the while working and living in another nearby state, so he'd be out of state for 2 weeks and then back in town for 1 week. By the time I saw him again, it had only been the third time we met but we were all over each other. We drank a whole bottle of liquor and had sex. The next day was nice. We both seemed calm, cuddled and watched tv. Then he left.
Unfortunately, this is where shit goes extremely sour. He talks to me about how he wants to slow things down, which kind of sucked but is fine, and go back to being friends so he can truly get to know me before the possibility of dating me. What really changed the dynamic was him telling me I had apparently pressured him into sex. I thought "oh fuck." I felt REALLY bad. I talked to some of my closest friends about the situation and they said while I had some degree of fault (which I agree), the guy also could have insisted on not sleeping with me. I end up calling him and talking about that side of things and he didn't see it that way. He got tired of talking about it.
Then, stupid me, a couple days later talk to a friend about it who becomes really irritated by the situation, telling me that I should try and hold my ground and bring it up again to defend my point. I do that, and of course make things worse. He now sees where I'm coming from but admits to me that dating may not be a foreseeable option because I keep bringing it up. Great, but hey, my fault! I ask him if he still wants to meet up when he comes back in town and then he says "we'll play it by ear!" Yay. Thankfully we still texted like normal with the only real difference being (since our dynamic change) that I always text first and he doesn't even like the shit on my Facebook anymore.
So, it's a couple days later and I let him know I have a test on a certain day but will be free after that and he responds with "we'll see lol."
Yeah, so I'm at this point. I feel like if he doesn't hang out with me I should just cut my losses. Cows, please try to be kind. I know I sound like an idiot for all this, but I'm a ball of anxiety because of it.
No. 143415
>>143412>him telling me I had apparently pressured him into sexEven if you did seduce him, what kind of fag says this?
What did you do? He agreed to have sex didn't he?
No. 143417
>>143415He did agree to have sex. We did it twice and apparently he wasn't sure the second time around either.
>>143416Yeeeeah.
No. 143418
File: 1473486488627.jpg (6.21 KB, 256x256, xAI7p5r.jpg)
I'm a camgirl and fell for a member…again, what do?
I dated 1st guy [M] for a year+ and am still not over him (I ended it because he was a literal child and jealous af, and also realized my attraction to him was 40% my latent issues from being molested).
Have been really into a newer member [B] who's my usual type, super shy, awkward, geeky, in a stem field and also like, ten years older than me (oops). B is super fucking sweet and genuine, but after M fucking things up by being super jealous about other members, I'm really wary about that? It's hard to find a guy or girl who's local who's my type and also ok with camming. B is hot and sweet and dorky and a twink bb, but…he reminds me of M physically and I'm worried he's a stopgap. His mom died two months ago (why he started coming in my room) and I'm worried that my latent savior complex just wants me to be what saves him from sadness = feeling needed again.
I'm pretty popular on my site and a GFE type model, should I stay single and ride the cash, but be lonely, or fill the emptiness in my heart with a 9/10 qt who I'm using for feels? ;_;
No. 143421
What do you farmers consider to be settling in a relationship? At what point are you just being realistic (e.g. accepting that not all guys are going to be hollywood tier handsome + charming + rich + supportive all at the same time) and at what point are you lowering your standards?
My situation:
>Meet dude 3 years ago
>He has an instant thing for me but I don't reciprocate
>He does his best to deal
>I live my life, our friendship grows, but he sometimes has spurts of jealousy. I kick his ass for it and remind him I'm not his girlfriend, and he smartens up and gets over it in time
>Over the duration of our friendship he's matured and chilled out a lot
>Hit a deep point and get extremely mentally ill shortly after we meet
>He's by my side non-stop supporting me, doing things like staying up until 6am to help me through panic attacks and hallucinations, urging me to seek out therapy, supporting me when I decide to go on medication, encouraging me to open up to family about it, etc
>We grow closer and I start to develop feelings for him
>We pursue a more romantic friendship, but agree not to date since our friendship is long distance and we're scared that if anything went wrong, it would ruin our relationship and we'd never be the same
>His supportiveness continues to blow me away, with him writing supportive letters for me on hard days or writing me little stories about sappy shit like me living as a painter in a cottage in the woods (something I'd love to do one day) to give me something positive to focus on when my anxiety gets really bad.
>Video games are one of the few things during this time that help me escape my mental illness bullshit
>For Christmas he buys me an xbox one and some new video games, something he had to save up for months to afford, so I can have something positive to do/look forward to
>We're also super sexually compatible and I can tell him any and all of my kinks and he's accepting and enthusiastic about trying all of them
>He's also incredibly careful and mindful of the fact that I was abused in the past and how this will effect my ability to be intimate with him
>Overall he's just a fantastic dude
But
>He meets almost none of the "standards" I have/had in mind regarding what I always thought I wanted in a partner. I've always liked guys who are even a slight bit taller than me, and he's 2 inches shorter than I am. I love guys with long hair, and he's balding prematurely. I've always wanted someone who was artistically talented and he has very few creative bones in his body. And one of the hardest things is that he's not incredibly driven. He doesn't really have a "plan" for the future (which I don't either so I'm not faulting him, but I feel like two equally unambitious people don't make a super solid match?). I feel like I grew up wanting what all the movies told me to want - tall, handsome, strong, takes the lead, and probably will play guitar and sing to you in some cringe worthy manner. (That last part is a joke for the record).
I'm not a casual dating type, especially with someone as meaningful to me as he is. But I can't figure out if I should pursue this relationship or not, or if I'm just being a bit of a bitch for getting hung up so much on physical aspects really when in terms of character, I couldn't ask for much else of him.
So what do you think farmers? Am I settling? Or were my expectations just too high?
No. 143423
>>143422Lol Jesus fuck no. I'm sorry I gave that impression, that's not what I was trying to say at all. The TLDR of that is
"If a guy has good character, is that enough?"
I know I'm not the bees fucking knees at this point in my life, and I'm not
expecting to have someone who is at this point either. I'm not saying I deserve all those things either, just that those were what I
wanted prior to meeting this guy and I'm trying to figure out if changing that is just being a normal adult, or if it counts as settling. The people around me disapprove of him simply because he's an atheist so I don't exactly have good relationship advice around me, ok?
That aside
>broken good for nothing ass>Shitty artGet fucked mate, so rood
No. 143424
>>143421If you're not attracted to the guy, you're not attracted. Maybe he's an amazing friend/~heterosexual life partner~ but it doesn't seem like you have romantic feelings for him and you can't wish those into existence either. To be honest, I think that if you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with them, even if they're not your physical type. This sounds like you just want really badly to love him (maybe partly because you feel like you owe him). Consider this: If the roles were reversed, would you want your year-long crush to just suck it up and be with you even though they don't feel any attraction towards you?
For the sake of your friendship, I'd stop accepting gifts and talking about overtly sexual things, but that's just me and as long as he knows you're not gonna date him it's his own call to make.
No. 143425
>>143421Getting with someone you're not attracted to would be hell on the both of you. Never get with someone because you feel you "owe" them. I also agree with
>>143424, don't accept any more expensive gifts and talk about sexual things so much with him. It may not feel weird for you, but things like that will fuel his crush more. I wish you the best of luck Anon.
No. 143428
>>143424>>143425Ok I feel like I misrepresented some shit here.
1) All communication is 100% open with us. I mean completely open. I mean like telling each other when we poop kind of open. I told him for years that we would never date, ever. This was the case when he gave me that present, and he made it very clear it was given without ulterior motive or without any kind of "debt" or "you owe me" attitude attached. This was also the case when we started being sexually open with one another, something he instigated, for the record, still knowing of the difference in feelings.
2) I don't want to be with him because I feel I owe him. I want him to be happy, because I love him. He's my best friend, he's a wonderful person, and he deserves happiness. But I feel like… for all the support and kindness and just… everything he gives me, can I ever give him enough in return? I feel like he loves me so much and how much I love him doesn't compare, and that's not fair to him. Some days I genuinely feel like I could spend my life with him, but then other days, like today, I question everything and get all uncertain. I don't know if I'm psyching myself out of it, or psyching myself into it.
3) I do actually have romantic feelings for him, if that wasn't clear in what I said, but as I kind of just said, I feel like they aren't strong enough or something. And that's why I worry I shouldn't go ahead, because what if they never get stronger, or fade? That wouldn't be fair to him. I then also worry because my family doesn't really like him (religious reasons as stated above) and his mother hates me (she's got a weird possessive thing about her son). It's just an all around complex situation.
4) I should have mentioned this to start but I've repeatedly told him not to buy me expensive things and, to quote him, "You can't stop me". I had a sense he was buying me a gaming console before he gave it to me and repeatedly told him not to, and he still did. Considering I get them through the mail, I can't exactly just give them back to him (believe me, I threatened this, he said he'd just send it back).
>>143426God I'll admit with what I've said I might be a bitch but you're so fucking salty lol, Jesus Christ. Also I think? you meant to say I don't deserve him?
>>143427As embarrassingly shitty as I am with relationships, I'm unfortunately not a troll. Or maybe I should claim to be to save face. I'm aware I could just be a huge bitch right now but hey, that's what you guys do best right? You're blunt and brutal and you'll kick my ass with honesty. Kinda why I'm here.
No. 143429
>>143428>>143424 here, now that you've posted your update I want to say this:
>It's just an all around complex situation. No, it's not. You love him platonically and he loves you romantically. Don't fool yourself or him by dating him. End of story.
No. 143433
>>143432He should have just moved on when she wasn't interested in the beginning. He doesn't sound mentally sound obsessing over a girl for years and trying to buy presents for pussy (I don't care what he says lmao).
They both deserve each other tbh.
No. 143434
>>143428>You're blunt and brutal and you'll kick my ass with honesty.Anon, this is a gossip board, and the vast majority of regular users are insecure, unstable, lonely and bitter as fuck. They will absolutely not "kick your ass with honesty," and instead will interpret your situation through their own biased lens and not actually listen to anything you're saying, such as
>>143429I believe you when you say this is a complex situation, because I don't know you as a whole person, thus I feel it's unfair to suggest otherwise. That's kind of the reality of asking strangers on the internet for dating advice.
Honestly, I think you're just wasting your energy with this wall of text you've presented here in an attempt to justify yourself. I suggest you instead ask someone who knows you (and preferably your partner, as well) well IRL for advice on this issue.
No. 143435
>>143434Eh, you're right. I've had a couple run ins of brutal but legit honesty here so I was hoping that would be the case. I don't have anyone to give relationship advice irl, because as I said above, my family dislikes him for being atheist, his mom hates me just because I'm her son's romantic interest, and my friends just say "But he's balding" or "You need to find someone who lives closer" and that's it. Hence why I came here.
But thanks for the advice and for not being an ass, I guess I'll carry on and try to figure this out myself.
No. 143439
>>143437man, this guy is a huge piece of shit.
he wants you to keep sleeping with him while he fucks around with other girls. he knows you're dependent on him for the visa and that you care about him, so you'll take his bullshit excuses. including his hinting that he could replace you with this new girl if he wanted to!!!
honestly this is too much to salvage. when he doesn't care enough to be faithful to you, it's over. stop sleeping with him - he's using you while looking for "better options". if possible try and move out. sorry anon
No. 143440
>>143437You're obviously not agreeing on what you want your relationship to be. He wants you to practically be your fuck buddy, you'd rather have him for yourself. Untangle this mess.
Who of you is dependent on the visa? If it's you, can't you get a visa any other way? Why are you staying in his country?
No. 143441
>>143439I don't think anon can safely move out if she's with him for visa reasons. you have to live together or you risk blowing your cover. depending on the country, you can go to jail for that.
source: dated someone with a fake visa marriage
No. 143443
>>143437Yeah the visa thing is weird. If it's you needing the visa and you really must stay there, look for another way to get a visa. Work, study, becoming a nun, anything.
If it's him needing the visa he can fuck off.
He's just using you for sex until better options come along. And when better options do come along, it's gonna be you left out in the cold.
Whatever happened to guys just ordering pizza hut and playing vidya when their girlfriends were away for the night after an argument? I'm p. sure that's what mine does anyway. Chatting up other girls just because you were away and had a disagreement isn't healthy and is really just slutty tbh. And then threatening to actually meet them is just holding that he's done it over your head so you're under pressure to change. That's not ok.
No. 143449
>>143448Ive been in one for the past 3 years. We only met once so far this year.
Honestly, I didnt really ''miss'' him until I met him. I was fine with the distance. Now that I've met him Im sad often because I cant hug him etc etc. Something is missing.
We will meet hopefully next summer and then in 2018/19 we're planning to move to the same country and live together.
All I can say is that you need a realistic plan for the future and severe back up plans. You will also need to save up a lot if you want to visit eachother (Depends where both of you live, I had to save up 5k with my bf just for 3 weeks)
No. 143450
>>143449Its nice to know that someone else has a long distance relationship like this. Congratz on the three years too! Whenever I mention long distance to anyone I'm always told it "will never work" or "how do you know they arent cheating".
Me and my SO always play games/watch shows together, talk and send pictures. We plan to meet next year in Feb. Hoping to move in with each other in the future.
Was it akward at all when you both meet for the first time? Did your family's agree with dating someone outside the country? Anything we should both prep for now (besides saving)?
No. 143451
>>143450>>143450Oh yeah we pretty much do the same thing you guys do.
It was not awkward for me at all. I mean Ive been dating that guy for 2yrs+ at that point so i was really comfortable straight away. On the other hand he was nervous and told me he felt awkward but after one day it went away.
Honestly my parents sometimes complain that im wasting my youth but since I was 13yo Ive been on computer almost 24/7 since. I would be ''wasting my youth'' whether he'd be in the picture or not.
I honestly cant really give any advice other than everything is like 80% easier irl. Remember that communication is the key. I bicker with my bf a lot since we are really different and having the relationship online is tough. Irl we were able to compromise on everything much easier. If youre different from eachother it will be a bit difficult but just try to discuss everything without accusing or blaming the other person.
Oh also having ''cam-sex'' is also a good activity when you want some intimacy with your partner. I feel like it brings us together lol.
No. 143453
>>143448My LDR finally passed into just 'relationship' last year lol. We got married last year haha and he has immigrated to my country and I am so so so so
so happy. We were a LDR for over 2 years, I visited him for 3 months, before he came and stayed with me last year and just never used his return ticket home because we decided to get married. Our one year marriage anniversary is in 2 weeks!
No. 143455
File: 1474513066419.png (225.12 KB, 540x304, 1469344717763.png)
Attraction has become a complicated monstrosity in my life. I find it so difficult to be attracted to anyone. On the rare occurrence it does happen, I become an obsessed doormat too eager to please the guy at the cost of my own wellbeing. And then when it inevitably doesn't work out, I'm crushed. It takes me months and months to recover, nearly a year to even consider dating again.
I fucking hate this mentality, but I seem doomed to either be at 0% or 100% when it comes to infatuation.
How the hell do you fix this kind of problem?
No. 143457
Has anyone ever dated someone they aren't like "hot" for? Is it worth trying?
I have been friends with a guy for a very long time who has always loved me, always put up with my shit, always forgave me for friend zoning him, in general treats me better than any other guy, despite me not treating him so well. The problem is I'm not like, super attracted to him. A lot of the things I didn't like about him, he changed for me. It is amazing when I think how much he's done for me and never stopped caring about me. He is also a super nice guy, everyone likes him, and he is kind of famous in some online communities.
I feel like giving him a chance because of how much he's done for me. I wonder if I give it a chance, if I will grow more attracted to him. We kind of hung out in a dating like way for the first time, and I was surprised how comfortable I was, although I wasn't like lunging for his dick or anything.
No. 143458
>>143457It's not worth it. You won't be into him, sex will not be fun, eventually even the sight of him or the thought of kissing him will make you get shivers of horror down your spine.
Ofc. you could end up being attracted to him, but I wouldn't start dating him unless that happens.
No. 143460
>>143459>A lot of the things I didn't like about him, he changed for me.He's beta. A codependent pushover with no will or identity of his own except to be a "good person." That's why you're not attracted to him. Beta males are fundamentally unattractive to females, which is why they don't get any pussy despite (occasionally) being great/nice people otherwise. Changing everything about yourself shows you have low self-esteem. It's a mostly female characteristic, but still unattractive in either gender. More so in males, because self-hating women can at least get a bit of dick.
I understand your plight, but please understand that you don't owe this guy anything just because he's nice to you. If you've never been that attracted to him in the entire amount of time you've known him, I don't know why you'd expect that to change in the future.
Just don't do it. Don't "test the waters." It's a waste of both of your time and will just lead to heartbreak. Accept that all you will probably ever have with this guy is friendship. If he can't deal with that heartbreak, and you can't deal with the guilt, the two of you may be better off going your separate ways.
No. 143461
>>143457>always forgave me for friend zoning himWhat is there to forgive though? Wanting to be friends instead of fucking each other is hardly criminal
> It is amazing when I think how much he's done for me and never stopped caring about me>He is also a super nice guy, everyone likes him, and he is kind of famous in some online communitiesThat doesn't mean you have to date him.
Honestly it just sounds like you're feeling guilty because he's a nice guy and you know he likes you. You don't write abut him like you're attracted to him or want to be with him, so what's the point pretending? Why force yourself into something just because he's not a dickhead?
The stuff you listed is mostly friend stuff. Being kind and understanding is what friends do. Has he actually done anything special that made you fall for him? Has he done anything that made you fall head over heels?
Shoving yourself into a relationship you're not feeling will just screw you both over and ruin a friendship. If you start to feel something, that's when you date him. Don't date him to see if you feel something later on down the line. Somebody will get hurt.
No. 143463
>>143448In one now, and my previous relationship was one too. Purely coincidental since I met my ex in another state but currently my SO moved abroad to work.
Things started good with my ex but the distance was too much in the end. We were younger but navigating normal relationship issues was too rocky with the difficult communication.
My current SO lived near me for a few years and moved to Japan a year ago. It seemed just temporary but things have been going downhill since. Now I can tell he doesn't want to come back to my country. I can't move there since I don't have a degree to get a Visa so I feel a little hopeless. :( Even if I save up to study there it isn't permanent and I can tell he isn't interested in marriage.
Sorry for depressing story anon, I do really believe in LDRs if both people are really dedicated.
No. 143464
>>143448Yeah, I'm a Eurofag in a relationship with another Eurofag.
It's gonna be 4 years since I set up shop in his city in December. If we weren't so good at communicating our feelings the relationship would've tanked, honestly.
We talked online for 5 months(ish) and I spent Christmas with his family, then I went back for my stuff and moved here. I started college here last year and made lots of friends, of which not many are locals. The locals here don't really hang out with foreigners much and don't like speaking English, I'm getting better at their language but I probably won't stay here with my SO. Next year I'm moving abroad for my Master's and he doesn't want to follow me, but we've had a good run and had I wanted to stay here and be a housewife or nurse or w/e it probably would've worked out just fine.
In other words, as long as you communicate well and are honest and frank with each other, there shouldn't be an issue if the LDR doesn't take too long and you know it won't be long distance forever.
Certainly helps if you're both mature and down-to-earth. As an example of the opposite, my friend from here just got engaged to a guy she met online 10 days ago… Because she's a desperate plastic paddy and he's a poortherner. Let you know when they break up.
No. 143468
>>143448I am just now and have been for nearly 3 years, and it really sucks ass sometimes tbh. We met when I was studying there at uni. Immigration laws in both our countries are strict so that we couldn't just get married and be together, or that one of us could just get a job in the other person's home country (both of us are educated, experienced workers too), which is what we ultimately want. The relationship itself is ok and he's fantastic, it's just the distance that fucking blows, and being 6 time zones away and busy with work so we don't get to talk much doesn't help. Being able to book time off for vacation and visit is nice, and I've just negotiated a new schedule at work so I've got an extra day off (longer days the rest of the week tho lol) so we can actually have time to talk and so I can focus more effort into looking for work over there, as difficult as that's gonna be, really helps. Having a life outside of the relationship helps too.
I had been in a previous LDR that fell apart because the guy was an NPD cheating douche who fucked off in favour of an 18 yr old (and then fucked off from her too, and the girl after her, and the girl after her etc), so I had some trust issues, but that relationship had started online and this current one in person, which also helps because like… you already know this person and know what he's like basically. With the guy I'm with now too he knows my parents and my brother, I know his mom and his family, we've got a plan in place for me to move back there in future (seriously fuck the government and their 'small island' mentality tho) and we actually have sights set on a future together.
No. 143469
>>143467I'm glad things are doing better for you anon, thank you for sharing. I've never heard of DBT but knowing there's options out there makes me feel more optimistic, whether or not I can work things out with my gf.
It just feels confusing a lot with potentially exaggerated and anxious feelings. I can't tell how much of it is actually caused by real problems in our relationship or if it's just me.
May I ask if you take medication or do any other treatments anon?
No. 143471
I'm 24 and just went on my first date and am freaking tf out. I can't tell if I like him or not, I mean I don't not like him and he's not ugly or anything, he's kinda cute, he's just not in line with who I usually crush on and I'm super nervous and I just know I'm basically going to end up marrying him out of fear of hurting his feelings should at any point decide I don't like him/want to date him anymore. Plus I have a mad crush on one of the guys I work at the same place with half the year so I just can't stop thinking about him.
He's Korean (born in Korea, lived here though) so I basically feel like a yellow-fevered koreaboo right now thanks to my near constant viewing of this website, even though I'm not and generally don't crush on east Asians like at all. He's definitely younger than me which is another thing that makes me iffy.
It was so spontaneous. I was walking in my city and I saw that the presidential debate was being shown outside one of the news stations, and so I stopped to watch because other people were I wanted to look like I cared (I don't). At the end this guy shows up (him) and asks if it just ended, I say yeah, he asks a couple questions and I answer. He hung around next to me so I knew he probably thought I was cute. I wanted to/was going to leave since it was just the chit-chat after the debate on TV and I was gonna go walk along a trail in the city. But I didn't. Partly because I knew this guy liked me and I didn't really have an easy way to leave without seeming rude(?). I don't know. He then asks if I knew if any fast food places were open cuz he was hungry and the city kinda shuts down at night. I was like "I don't really know/no idea, hmmm." At this point I knew what was coming.
Then this other guy that was watching the debate started talking to me for a bit, asking my opinions, then this lady who was there earlier showed back up and he started talking to her.
Then original guy asks for my name and then my number and then I gave it to him.
I don't know why. I never do. I don't even give it to family members, I hate texting and talking and socializing in general basically, and I definitely don't give it out to guys interested in me.
But I did.
Then he asked if I wanted to get something to eat with him and I said yes for some reason and now I'm here making this post.
I like, I want to die. End my life. I don't know how to date I'm freaking make it stop make it all stop.
No. 143472
>>1434711. So much unnecessary information, what part of that did you actually want to share with us?
2. Don't just go along with whatever people want you to do, have you read this thread at all? This is how you ruin your life.
You've never met this guy before, you don't even have a shared interest in how you met, if he asked for your money would you think you owed him that too?
Just politely tell him you're busy if he tries to meet you again or tries to start up something. If he makes lots of small talk you can give slow, one word responses. If he gets pushy just ghost him entirely.
No. 143473
>>143471Jesus anon calm down. You're going on about ending up marrying him but this was just your first date right? I'm sure that is the last thing on his mind. You're not in an exclusive relationship either so there's no reason why you wouldn't be able to date your work crush as well.
There's nothing wrong with going with it just to see if you two do end up having a connection too. See if there's anything more there, and if there isn't just say so. Dating isn't about sticking on the first person who takes an interest in you.
No. 143474
>>143473I had a cup of tea and a nap and calmed down tremendously, thank god. To clarify, I'm never marrying anyone at any point in my life. But I said that to help get across how "inept" I am at life, at running my own life, and how I worry about upsetting others so much that I go through great lengths to avoid it. I thought that was obvious but I guess not.
When I lived with my parents it wasn't something I could really do. I either had to go along with whatever, or if I even mentioned something I wanted to do/go to/whatever, I would get talked out of it and told it was a bad idea because ABC and XYZ. So I'm fucked up because of that and it's difficult to break.
No. 143477
>>143476Throw your hot coffee/beer at the person flirting with them?
Honestly if they don't stop the situation its kinda weird, maybe they like to tease you? What do they do in the same situation with you being the one hit on?
No. 143478
Similar situation to
>>143476 but a bit more extreme…
My husband has this coworker who is hitting on him. Apparently she is being overly friendly and flirtatious and constantly has an obvious "I'm crushing on you" vibe.
He straight up told her that she is making him uncomfortable and she said she would stop and she was sorry… but she isn't stopping. For his birthday a few months ago she gave him a present. He reluctantly took it, to keep the peace and prevent hostility at his job.
I am so livid but neither of us know what to do. My birthday was today, and I guess she overheard him telling the other coworkers and she went out and bought ME a birthday present… I am really confused. It was small, about $10, but I really don't understand why. We never even met, she just knows about me because all his coworkers know we are married.
What even is this? I feel majorly uncomfortable despite the fact he told her off. I just… what?
No. 143479
>>143478If she bought you a present too she is probably trying to make an effort to respect your existence in some way. If it was a really shitty £1 present it would seem different but that sounds like she is trying to be more of a proper friend than a creeper. I'm not saying to cut her since slack because it's not your problem but maybe she doesn't know how to fix her behavior? Your boyfriend could just straight out tell her every time she says/does weird things and give an example of what would be more normal to say/do, and stay emotionless or polite as he does it. If she actually cares she will take it on board, if she throws a tantrum your boyfriend can take it to the boss.
Just keep communication open with him and don't blame him for it.
No. 143483
I love my boyfriend and love the idea of having a future together but I'm really upset at him just now because he won't bother to get a fucking job or make any effort to get out of his house. Like I duno maybe it's different cultures, because he grew up in the UK where apparently everyone should get free money for doing nothing, and he seems to be of that mindset, but we've got friends who are in couples and have been together like half as long as we have and they're going on trips together, getting apartments together, etc., and he hasn't even got a passport because no money. And he's basically just wallowing in his mom's house, complaining about being too far away from his uni friends and how hard that is and how expensive it is to travel, and I've suggested maybe he gets a part time job at a shop or something so he can have travel money, but so far he hasn't even tried. I work fulltime and have taken a trip to visit him already and i just wish he would put some sort of effort into this like i've been doing, and I'm frustrated and worried. I seriously think one of the reasons he's been so depressed since finishing uni is because he's got nothing on during the day, but he hasn't even been looking and it's just snowballed into this monster. Like if he's really this workshy can we even have a future together? I duno. So that's something I've been wrestling with and it's shitty af.
No. 143486
>>143485He broke up with you over text?
That's fucked up man.
No. 143488
>>143487It's not desperate to want to know why a relationship is ending. 'Idk if I want to date you anymore' is sometimes an immature way to see if someone will 'fight' for them. So if you really wanted to have absolutely no pride, you could possibly chase that. However anyone who does that to their partner doesn't really value them anymore, and it usually ends a while after. I'm really sorry anon.
It's always possible they they are going through some real stuff, but until they are willing to be mature and meet you in person to talk about it properly, you need to just stick with the facts that you have and keep busy. Go places, meet up with people, work hard.
No. 143490
>>143488>>143489thanks guys. i think ill ask him at the end of today if we could meet up tomorrow. im trying to rationalize my feelings as best i can, and so far ive come up with is that it was a really amibiguous way to end our relationship and its not too terrible if i ask to speak to him again.
granted, im terrified, and i know he hates confrontation as well, but ill just try to be as positive as i can.
im so terrified he lost feelings for me, (he probably has, judging by the conversation we had last night) and ill be forced to move on. im just so terrible at getting over boys that i dont want to experience it again. im literally in a endless state of unproductivity after each breakup and that lasts about 3 months… :( lifes tough
No. 143494
File: 1476057921801.jpg (18.21 KB, 250x202, gfd.jpg)
>>143329Here's an update, you were right.
>She wants to be in an open relationship with me as some kind of side chick so she can live off her boyfriend and still have me (also she wants me to be monogamous to her at the same time)>I tell her I'm not up for that and in that case we're just friends from now on>She gets mad at me wanting any sort of commitment and accuses me of a bunch of shitAnyway we're not friends anymore and since she's all I had friend-wise and my life's going pretty shitty right now I'm gonna slice my brachial once my straight razor comes in the mail. Thank you for trying to warn me! Love sucks, doesn't it?
No. 143495
>>143491How long has it been since the break up? When it's bad, it takes time. My first bf was a manipulative sexually and emotionally abusive psychopath and pill popper. It took several tries to break up with him because every time I initiated a break up he'd talk me into staying (I eventually dumped him over text because it was the only way not to be swayed, it was that bad). After that it honestly took a few years to really and completely get over those PTSD-esque symptoms. If I saw a car that was even the same make as his I'd get dangerously close to a panic attack, get flashbacks, and then have nightmares that night inevitably. When he would text me begging to hang out, get back together, etc, I'd freak out so bad I'd vomit sometimes.
I don't know how bad it was for you or how long you were together, etc, but give yourself a break. And if it gets too bad then a therapist can help too.
No. 143496
>>143495We broke up last year in the springtime, but he fooled me into thinking he had gotten better (therapy and medicated) and I ended up dating him this year and I got stuck right back in the same spot I was in before.
I cut it off and ran, but he's trying to get me to come back and bouncing between "You're a whore fuck you, you hate me and I'm so nice you're such a bitch" and "baby I'm so sorry, I love you. Please come back, I'll change!!" This has been going on since April ish.
I have him blocked everywhere but I know he's going off on social media about how mean I am and how much I hurt him because I'm the big bad wolf.
Whenever I'm not talking to the new guy, my mind wanders to my ex and I panic a lot and think about how the first time we broke up it was an outright slander-fest and I lost 99% of my friends.
I guess I'm just afraid my ex will attack the new guy if he ever found out we spoke and the new guy will say "well it's not worth it, dealing with your crazy ex. bye."
No. 143501
>>143499If you've been dating for 3 years then you just be able to say "this has happened, it has made me feel this way and I worried about telling you because".
At the end of the day, if he did suspect you were cheating because men have been harassing you then that isn't a problem with you, that's a problem with him. If he's a good guy then you should be able to trust him with this.
Honestly I have similar issues, it's hard but you need to trust them.
No. 143506
>>143504I have this problem anon, honestly I've never gotten rid of it for sure but being as busy as possible helps. A lot of the messages I send to my bf seem to be utterly pointless stuff like "my sandwich was too expensive", so the easiest trick is to find a willing friend or thing (like a vent thread) where you can dump that stuff instead. Forcing yourself to actually go out and swe people (when all you want is the lazy comfort of your bf) is a lot harder yoo, but it gives you something more to talk about when you do see them.
Just keep at it anon. Isolating yourself to only your bf makes you unattractive and puts you in a bad social position. Having a routine weekly social thing scheduled helps
No. 143507
>>143505Nothing wrong with it as long as you don't flirt back/lead them on etc.
So it's nothing you really have to worry about
No. 143510
File: 1476497782793.png (851.19 KB, 1000x842, this could be US.png)
My boyfriend is kind and wonderful and good to me. I love him very much. But when we started going out, I had the impression that he wasn't a long-time NEET. He mentioned all his old jobs, and explained that he quit his last job. I was under the impression that was quite recently, but later realized that wasn't the case. He mentioned he was starting a new job in a month or two, and I don't really know what happened to that. It's been about six months since we first went out. Money's not an issue with us, but I'm concerned long-term about this. I don't really want to waste time with someone if they aren't going to be ready to settle down and have kids in a few years.
I know this is probably something I should talk to him about (he's really easy to talk to about stuff, and a good communicator). How should I bring it up? What should I do or say? What should I avoid doing or saying?
No. 143511
>>143510I honestly have no idea how you've managed to date someone this long without discussing work often, and in depth. Most people do it 40 hours a week, it's a huge part of a person's life so it gets brought up all the time, and a lack of work is really conspicuous… it's pretty weird that this isn't a big personal problem for him already, being a NEET is concerning depending on age and most people would be stressed about it.
But anyway, why not just ask what happened with the job he was supposed to get, then follow up with questions about what he plans to do, where he'd like to work, etc.
No. 143513
>>143496 here.
I talked to the guy about it and we agreed that even though we like each other, we won't date for a while if at all.
And today I receive a weird email from my ex/one of his friends pretending to be him (it's a new email, the english is off and not in mistakes he would make, but somehow they know my email and personal things) and it's vaguely threatening about how the "worse" I treat him the worse he gets. But I haven't spoken to my ex recently at all, have him blocked everywhere as well. It's just so weird and I feel really freaked out. He accused me of dating the guy and how "someone" told him that we were, and it's just freaking me out and I don't know what to do.
Why are exes crazy?
No. 143515
File: 1476669431118.jpg (330.56 KB, 1280x960, tumblr_nucaftrQyB1qeo1exo1_128…)
I feel like I've lost the ability to fall in love. I had one long-term relationship that started when I was 17 and several shorter ones before that and I felt in love with those partners, but ever since the really long relationship, I've only met one other person I felt that way towards (I knew we were a bad match and it was a straight girl, so it led nowhere) and once I thought I had found it but the guy was a douchebag and we split shortly after.
I get attached easily and I'm very affectionate and eager to date, but even when I find someone who I think is wonderful and attractive and all, the romantic feelings won't come and I end up pursuing a relationship hoping my heart will catch up (spoiler: it doesn't).
I'll be 30 in a few years and my friends are getting engaged and married or having babies, none of which I'm after, but I really crave being in a nice, comfy relationship with a partner I can rely on and who relies on me and is a part of my life. I feel like my bad experiences have killed something inside of me to the point where I keep throwing myself at people hoping one of them will be what I need because I want it so much, yet I can't make myself feel that way for anyone, no matter how perfect.
I know someone will suggest I take a break from dating; I already have. I haven't seen anyone in over a year, and before my latest attempt, I was single for 3 or 4 consecutive years. I meet tons of people online and offline, girls as well as guys, younger and older. I feel cursed because I want it so much and some part of me keeps me from experiencing it.
No. 143517
>>143516Oh yeah, anon, because everyone wants to be with a man who lives at home forever and is content with never have any ambition whatsoever.
fuck off. It's not gold digging to want to be with someone who works as hard as you do. Get outta here with your robot bait, seriously.
>>143514Also anon this sounds a little like borderline BPD, not saying you have that, obviously but the intense feelings of love/hate dependency is a really strong part of that disorder.
I think you should maybe chill out and stop thinking about it so much. You love him, but consider it's not such a big deal. Just accept it and get on with your relationship. He seems nice and I imagine you're just having a case of self sabotage.
No. 143523
>>143517>>143518>>143521If you admit it that's fine, just don't pretend that you're not gold-diggers, or at least prospectors for metals with marginal financial value.
All women are gold-diggers, i.e. all of them would never date a guy without money.
Luckily, more men are knowingly or unknowingly taking part in MGTOW. Over 60% of college graduates are female, much more men are NEET'ing it up. I hope women enjoy their "success", keep riding the cock carousel, and keep on refusing to date down until they're old lonely business-women with a dried up pussy and non-functional uterus.
No. 143525
>>143524>Why are you advocating that men do litearly nothing with their lives and become NEETS?Because modern society is so bad, especially for white men, that it deserves it as punishment/protest until it reforms.
Women wanted to become men, so they've pushed their way to getting anti-male (marriage) laws, completely emasculated and feminized schooling systems, pushed anti-male feminist messages widely, got us to extreme divorce rates, broke traditional gender roles, and destroyed the idea of family.
Except men were fine with a woman being a housewife with no income, women aren't fine with the reverse.
No. 143528
>>143525This shit is so hilarious.
I can guarantee that you've never even had real experience with women other than "I smiled at that bitch and she didn't smile back. Women are selfish whores."
Enjoy dying alone in mommy's basement.
No. 143530
>>143529I wouldn't call them gold diggers if they acted as a proper housewife/mother. That's a fair trade, sadly 99% of women now are unleashed stupid cunts.
They want to be men, but only the good parts about it. They don't want househusbands like men want housewives. They lowered the value of labor by entering the workforce and have enabled immigration to displace white people from increasingly more land, take more jobs, and devalue labor further.
This has led to a society increasingly requiring dual-income households.
>>143528>>143527Very nice comeback, just call me a loser, is that the extent of the female brain? I will enjoy NEET'ing it up, earning money from investments/inheritance, and once you're dried up and off the cock carousel and come looking to me to "settle down" with, I will tell you to get out of my sight with that used up pussy, fat-rolls, and cat-urine smell.
I'll settle for a young concubine, at least there's no pretending she isn't a gold-digger.
No. 143533
File: 1476819031302.gif (843.58 KB, 500x281, zJEiJ4k.gif)
>>143530>Very nice comeback, just call me a loser, is that the extent of the female brain? I will enjoy NEET'ing it up, earning money from investments/inheritance, and once you're dried up and off the cock carousel and come looking to me to "settle down" with, I will tell you to get out of my sight with that used up pussy, fat-rolls, and cat-urine smell.please let this be the new copypasta
No. 143536
>>143535
>man redpillingfucking stupid worthless neet.
>man being reasonablefucking whiteknight
No. 143538
File: 1476828107812.gif (2.72 MB, 386x232, e7730b9d9aa5b3cd6bf22b412bca64…)
>>39412My girlfriend linked me because she thought your sperg fits were funny.
I don't browse this place, because I'm a guy. You should follow that example.
No. 143539
>>143534>proceeds to future sight where women need a man with money after the cock carousels/need/want
Again, unlike men in the reverse scenario.
>>143537>>143538Neither of those replies are me. Anyway your girlfriend got so bothered she told her boyfriend about my posts? Heh.
I bet you're biggest beta ever, testosterone levels through the floor. Might as well just get your nuts surgically removed.
No. 143541
File: 1476882767905.jpg (55.56 KB, 450x450, 1473819284038.jpg)
So, my boyfriend has been talkig about getting married recently even though I've told him that I don't want to do that. I love him so much, but I have a tendency to reject societal norms. We have a child together, which is more commitment than a legally binding document imo. Another reason I don't want to marry him: his family sucks. They're awful people and I don't want to be "related" to them in even a technical sense. Idk, to me, there aren't any more advantages to marriage than the current arrangement that we have. Am I being unreasonable?
No. 143542
>>143541You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Tons of people refuse to marry their long-term partner because marriage is pointless (unless you're religious)
Just be honest with him.
No. 143546
>>143544Find a guy who likes you for you and not for what you are when you're mad or annoyed?
Also wtf, don't have sex with someone who says shit like that Jesus.
No. 143547
File: 1476925911622.jpg (83.6 KB, 1023x681, 59716983.jpg)
If your partner cheated on you, and the other person knew it was an affair (because they know you, too), would you say anything to them?
Obviously I'm leaving my partner.
No. 143548
File: 1476938664293.jpg (19.31 KB, 341x227, IMG_0897.JPG)
i'm set to move in with my long distance boyfriend in a few months, but the move is contingent on him getting a job in the city we're planning to move to.
however, it feels like if i'm not riding his ass about applying to jobs, it just won't get done by the time we need it to. he says he's anxious about not being ready for the move financially, but instead of securing a job, he spends most of his free time playing video games or dicking around with friends.
of course i want him to have his own, free time to relax and do whatever he wants but i fear this doesn't bode well for the future. living together means paying bills and rent and doing things in a timely fashion. i worry his inability to priortitize will making living together difficult and subsequently ruin the relationship. i guess only time will tell…
No. 143549
>>143547I'd laugh and laugh and laugh honestly because what a wonderful cruel joke on him it would be for me to catch him cheating. He's always been extremely suspicious and paranoid–and for no good reason, other than his exes all cheating on him, causing him to have trust issues, which are understandable to a certain extent.
But anyway, then I'd tell him to get the fuck out after laughing and laughing.
No. 143551
>>143550IMO it's different when you actually know the person they had the affair with, and vice versa. Because that means the person is a total scumbag too, it's terrible for someone to sleep with someone who they know has a partner, but its even worse when the person being cheated on is someone they actually know.
>>143547my partner was sexting some girl that we know mutually and i said something to her, lol. i sent her a message saying something like 'it's really unbecoming to engage in that behavior with someone who's involved, and even more so when you know the other person… i'd appreciate it if you don't indulge that behavior anymore, even though i know you'll miss the attention'
i'm catty tho haha. idk i was really mad. it did make me feel better though….
it's up to you really, whatever you feel is right.
No. 143553
>>143548His behavior affects you and your financial future/stability, it's totally fair to bring it up. If you're not getting a satisfactory answer when asking nicely ("Hey, just checking in, how is the job search going?") then you should have more serious talks with him.
I don't think it's naggy to be concerned about something like this, and if you guys can't have a serious discussion with someone's feelings getting hurt, then that is a big red flag.
No. 143554
>>143551>Because that means the person is a total scumbag tooNot necessarily. Who knows what the guy told her, but I'm sure in most cases they're not honest like saying "Hey, I'm in a committed relationship and intend to keep this affair hidden between us and you're okay with being the other woman and that I probably won't leave her for you, right?" If the guy isn't honest with the person he's with, then why is he going to be honest with the woman he's sleeping with? Guys tend to say shit like they're "taking a break" in order to manipulate girls into doing things with them.
I don't buy into homewrecker mantra unless the other person explicitly states that's what they want to do.
No. 143555
I'm
>>143547. Thanks everyone ♥
>>143550I know, that's why I'm leaving. I don't necessarily blame her for this, but I still think she is absolute scum.
She and I actually went to school together, but she was a grade or two below me. We had one friend in common, but she got on my nerves even then, so I usually just avoided hanging out with them together. Anyway, she and my husband met through me, via our mutual friend. So she knew we're married (!) and that we have a child together (!!!).
>>143554I actually saw a lot of their messages myself. Basically, he told her our marriage was already on the rocks because I was so withdrawn all the time, and I had already "checked out." He acted like he was sooo distressed about the state of his relationship and life in general, and of course she was there to ~comfort him~ and tell him everything will be okay and don't worry, because she'll be there to wake him up with blowjobs every morning as soon as I'm gone.
What he _didn't_ tell her was that I was so "withdrawn" because he had been gaslighting me for the entire duration of our relationship, and I was just now uncovering the extent of it. So yes, I withdrew. I was depressed and trying to figure out what the fuck to do.
Why are people like this?
No. 143557
>>143555Your first post sounded bad enough, but on top it it you guys are married with a kid, I'm so sorry anon.
He sounds like garbage. While it may not be fun to think about, back up all the evidence you can and don't contact the other woman so your divorce can go smoothly and in your favor. It might feel good to say something now, but a clean break will be best for you and your kid, and all the "I'm married but we're on the rocks so it's okay" bullshit is more emotional manipulation on his part, so she's going to get hers if she chooses to stick around.
No. 143561
>>143558It sounds like he mightve been cheated on or played with before from that reaction
he sounds like a good guy, reassure him and talk to him about it
No. 143563
>>143510Update:
Brought it up gently with him. He seems to have intentions of getting back to work soon, which I agreed would be good. I'll mention it a bit more if it seems like he's not pursuing that.
>>143511>being a NEET is concerning depending on age and most people would be stressed about it.True. I believe he had some money in savings beforehand, so he hasn't been totally broke. Some life stuff did also come up a few months ago for him, so that sort of mitigates some of it, but still.
>>143512He's kept busy, but it is important to me that he not NEET perpetually.
No. 143568
>>143567>>143567Im 22 btw and he's 27
He doesnt know I've still got my cherry intact like I feel too embarrassed to tell him.
No. 143569
>>143567no, fuck guys like that
who cares if you're a virgin, value yourself and start a relationship with someone who matters. Someone who is as passionate about you as you are them. age is not an issue.
you can consider playing around with him but considering your experience, it'll do more emotional harm in the long run and that's not worth it.
Good luck, and fuck that fuccboi
No. 143570
>>143569>>143567also I meant age as in relation with your experience/love life
please don't date underage that wasn't what I was trying to say
No. 143573
>>143567yeah, he doesn't sound the best for you anon, and you don't really seem to be particularly adamant about either option. if he doesn't know you're a virgin but is down for fwb, do you think that disclosing that would change anything? do you see yourself with him in any way, or having sex with him at least?
i'm
>>143564,
>>143566>>143565thanks! knowing it's generally normal really helps; most of my other friends who use the app are super confident and wild so it's almost like they can't relate.
we've still been messaging back and forth and i suppose things have gotten more overtly dirty, i guess it's just weird and foreign to me because i've only done stuff with people i've been really close to/felt really intensely for. looking over our conversations is weird because i'm generally pretty shy, but am definitely coming out of my comfort zone (because it's easy to do so online i guess) at certain points. we're still just talking, but i have a feeling that when the time finally comes for us to meet i might have a little bit to drink beforehand or that it's likely we'll smoke or something, which might make me less nervous. i've rarely been the type to "loosen up" or go with my impulses, so this is a big leap for me.
i tend to overthink stuff like this a lot. i'm in a huge college area/campus and always get really freaked out using the app because of the idea that i could see one of my matches irl at any time/place. at the same time, i realize it really doesn't matter… i'm just generally spergy, and now that i realize that i'm open to hookups and stuff like that, i'm also finding that i have no idea how to initiate that kind of thing - there are also some guys IRL (friends of my friends etc.) that express interest and i wouldn't mind having casual things with them, but i don't even know how to start there, and thinking about it is kind of overwhelming! tinder has been a pretty okay place to start, but real life is kind of daunting, haha.
No. 143574
>>143569In the UK anon there isn't really any guys who want to properly date in their 20s. Everyone is just shagging about.
>>143573Im too ashamed to say Im a virgin anon, most people have done it by 18. I just have never had the chance due to moving around and focusing on school shit.
No. 143575
>>143574Oh please, I know more than one girl over 22 that is a virgin, it's not as big of a deal as you think. Make sure the guy knows, it's stupid not too. Most guys will probably just think it's cute/hot that you haven't been with anyone else.
As a girl I'd totally like to take some qt boys virginity (as long as he's under 30).
I would advice against losing your v-card in a fling. I'm not saying it has to be all that special, but I think it's important that you trust the guy, and if he just wants a fling and you've already had a falling out. Idk, I'd think about it twice. Heck, you can't even admit to him that you're a virgin, so that says something.
No. 143576
>>143575Oh I know that but most people I know anon, also in my city aren't virgins over 22. It just makes me feel really embarrassed - Im not even playing coy here, I do feel a bit embarrassed over it.
Im not an ugly girl either. I am pretty - get told it often and not a fatty. Im nice and kind. Its just irritating when some people go "eh really? but youre so ____" if you get what I mean.
I could tell him. Just means it would make me go red, very red.
No. 143577
File: 1477407769268.jpg (48.83 KB, 550x358, MotherAngelicaAP060808033835-5…)
Not a virgin, but only ever had sex with one guy whom I've been dating for 5 years. He sucks at sex to say the least.
We're splitting up next year (I'm moving away for my Master's and our plans for the future are totally different) and I'm scared of being seen as some kind of a prudish toddler granny because of my lack of experience when I start dating again. I'll be 24 next year.
I guess I've just not met the right person bc sex has always been a bit of a hassle to me and honestly the last thing I look for in a relationship, but I'm scared I'll be dumped the second I admit I'm not that into sex or prefer doing it on my own.
How (metaphorically) fucked am I?
Also is it true that many French guys are slutty cheaters? Asking for science and all.
No. 143578
>>143577>is it true that many French guys are slutty cheatersIn my experience they're pretty similar to UK dudes but they're just more up front. You can find relationship material or you can find a fuckboy, but if you ask you'll get told exactly what one you have. They're pretty relaxed about telling you shit if you ask them directly.
Obviously this is personal experience but I find French boys are less two-faced (is that the right word?) I'm from the UK and the fuckboys always play the nice guy shit but when I was in Paris, the fuckboys knew they were fuckboys and didn't present themselves any differently.
Also, don't give a shit about lack of experience or a dislike of sex, especially when the guy you were with was shitty. Just be honest with future partners and you'll probably find someone who doesn't care all that much.
>>143576There's honestly nothing to be embarrassed about.
>>143567I just think you need to consider why you're still a virgin (confidence? no strong feelings?) and then think about whether this fwb relationship would benefit you. For example, if you never had sex because you never had strong feelings for anybody, would losing your virginity to a meh guy make you happy? If you never had sex due to lack of confidence, do you really want to fuck some guy who just wants you for casual sex? It's completely your choice but you should think carefully about it.
No. 143580
>>143576don't be embarrassed for being a virgin at your age
our world is changing and it's slowly becoming the norm
No. 143583
>>143579Do you have another job? Or are you just a stay at home mom?
Maybe his work is mentally and physically exhausting him too. Unless it's just stocking shelves or whatever.
No. 143586
>>143579>>143585
>only changing a diaper when I tell him to>never feeding him unless forcedRegardless of everything else, this is kinda fucked up, no? If a kid needs to be fed or changed, the dad shouldn't be waiting around for instructions if he knows how to do it. It's not fair on the kid. Waiting for you to do it instead of dealing with it is pretty selfish. The feeding thing is especially weird because it's not as gross as changing so I can't see why it's such a big deal for him to just do it.
>he refuses to help me with houseworkIf he has enough time at home to contribute to the mess, he has enough to clean up his share. Tell him to clean up after himself straight away. Sometimes people are more likely to help when they clean up as they go rather than participating in "big cleans". If he drops crumbs, he has to vaccuum. If he eats off a plate, he has to wash it. If he wears it, he can put it in the washing machine.
Or try splitting the cleaning responsibilities, like "I'll do the laundry and the living room if you do the dishes and the kitchen." If he realises he's wholly responsible for one thing and that thing starts going to shit, he might feel more inclined to fix it.
>He works away for two weeks, 12 hours a day, but then gets two straight weeks at home.And he doesn't help out at all during those two weeks? He can catch up on sleep or whatever in the first day, he has no excuse to laze around for the two whole weeks, especially when cleaning can be done easily if you do a few small jobs a day.
No. 143590
>>143579Is your boyfriend 14 years old? Because he definitely acts like it.
Sit down with him and have a really honest conversation about the things that are making you unhappy. Don't yell or insult him. Make lots of "I feel like" statements. Let him talk too. It's possible he's so stupid that he doesn't realize he's being a jackass.
If that doesn't work, and you can afford it, get couples therapy.
I don't know if he gives zero fucks about you and the baby, or if he's just an entitled little shit. If it's the latter, a heart-to-heart can really help. If it's the former… you might want to pack up and leave. I hate it when people immediately resort to "Your relationship is terrible, you should break up," but the fact that he's neglecting the baby so much is a huge red flag. You don't want your kid to grow up with a dad who would rather throw a tantrum than feed him/her.
No. 143591
>>143587>he has a girlfriendDon't be a home wrecker. Don't date a cheater, his morals are fucked up and he'll cheat on you too, like
>>143589 said. Once the thrill wears off, he'll be looking for the next girl before you can even react. This entire situation is messy, just stop and move on before it blows up in your face. He is not a 'gentleman', he's a two timing piece of shit.
No. 143595
>>143594She has a job according to
>>143585He's an adult and a father so he has a responsibility to clean up after himself and care for his son, rather than waiting to be told to do it, especially since he has a whole two weeks off. The guy won't feed and change his own child unless he is forced. That's laziness at best and terrible parenting at worst. Having a job doesn't mean you have no other responsibilites in your life.
No. 143596
Dunno if this should go in vent thread or here..
Anyways broke up with my long distance boyfriend. It didn't start as ldr but it became one. First everything was relatively okay, when we talked about interests we share (some video game or a TV show) everything would be fine.
The problem is that every time I tried talking about something concerning my private life, my hobbies (unrelated to his), my surroundings, the only reply I would get was "Ah." and then he would switch topic to, idk, Hearthstone for example. I had this lingering feel that he doesn't care much about me as a person.
He almost never talked about anything going on in his life either. I know he is quite busy but during weekends, when he is free, I would try to arrange a Skype call but we would always have to watch something or play something (which I didn't mind) but when I tried to talk about something from our personal lives, he would kind of keep distance or just show hardly any interest.
And then once I told him I feel lonely, he suddenly blew up and said that nobody ever cares how lonely he feels. I told him I care and that I would listen to him but he just started going on how women have it easier in life because we can show weakness but men can't and how they get ridiculed if they do, how women don't know what being lonely is because all we have to do is be pretty and we will have beta orbiters around us. Basically how a western man is the most loneliest but western women are coddled (I am not even a western woman, i am east european).
What he said hurt me very much, I tried telling him that I know it's hard when men are told by other men to not show feelings or they got called "faggots" but he got even more angry and told me they do it because of us and it's all women's fault, how they have to compete for women and if they show emotion, women will just use them as "providers" while fucking an alpha (wtf).
It hurt me because I feel like he sees me like some sort of female narcissist/sociopath who just wants to use him and would dump him as soon he showed weakness. When I told him I would never do that he just got even more enraged and told me how "I don't understand how men and women work and that I am delusional about society and life".
I told him that if it's like that then our relationship probably has no future because he will see himself as alone even when I am with him and will see me as someone who is using him no matter what I do. He never replied.
I've been with him for a year. When we would meet, he would be really sweet to me, but times we spent together at the same place were short. He's been distant a bit, but I had no idea he felt like this. I am really shocked and hurt.
No. 143597
>>143596>told me how "I don't understand how men and women work and that I am delusional about society and life"And he does? lol
Anyway, you did well. Good riddance to him.
No. 143600
File: 1477677865517.gif (1.81 MB, 500x281, a rovbot tries to find love.gi…)
how does an 18 heterosexual male who has never been in a relationship such as myself get a girlfriend I don't have the slightest on what to do and the loneliness is about to kick in to maximum overdrive for me…
No. 143604
File: 1477683764440.jpg (50.29 KB, 576x768, 1.jpg)
>>143601>>143603He can be fat if he's genuine, funny, and non-threatening. Otherwise he better start running or hit the gym.
No. 143605
File: 1477684038834.jpg (154.65 KB, 1024x1320, R9K.jpg)
>>143601>>143603but no one wants to be my friend…
>>143604>he better start running or hit the gym.I'm already am
>5'8>143 lbI was 146 when I first started>>143601
No. 143607
>>143605Then figure out why no one wants to be your friend, and if it's something you can fix, fix it.
You're either not trying to make friends, or your being a weird sperg and turning people off.
Really, you could have a shit personality and be an all around terrible and even ugly person, and you still can find someone to date you. But really it's better for you to make yourself into a decent person who can handle life, and most of all like yourself as a person, and you'll naturally attract good people, potential mates.
No. 143608
>>143597>>143598>>143606Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it <3
I have so many questions in my head. I mean, he was sweet and nice during the times we spent together. I started falling in love with him. Yeah, he was distant about personal stuff but I thought he would open up as time passes.. Yet instead he explodes on me and talks to me like I am his worst enemy, oppressor. Now it feels like he hated me this whole time just for being female.
And I hate how my brain keeps giving me flashbacks of our happy moments. Eugh :(
No. 143609
File: 1477691793149.jpg (67.35 KB, 544x398, picture.jpg)
>>143600Just b urself and confident man
No. 143610
File: 1477711043154.jpg (10.13 KB, 164x189, get the guns.jpg)
>>143609T.
fellow robot lurker No. 143611
File: 1477731967262.jpg (18.95 KB, 600x512, 1458419469511.jpg)
>>143596He was redpilled so much he destroyed his only chance of a relationship because too busy defending his redpill theories.
Good grief, I hope the robots lurking here learn from this example. Don't let your sperg ruin your relationships. Keep it to yourself, my man.
No. 143612
>>143596>>143608Fuck him. These kind of beta dudes are fucking sociopaths and narcs. He'll suck the life out of you as a cointainer for his self pity and use you for validation and then abuse the hell out of you in a psychological way. You cannot take a passive role with a person like this because they eat you.
Him "being sweet" is just the phase where he was excited about having a gf or whatsover. Dudes like these abuse the hell out of you if you let them. If you don't let them bullshit at you with some rant about how men are abused and cut the crap, they use you as an example about how women are heartless selfish bitches who only want alpha dick and use betas.
It's a dead end. Cut contact with him and be thankful you can do it since it's the internet: and trust me, even if now you feel bad and feel there is no replacement for him, in some years you'll look back at this episode and you'll sigh in relieve that you got the fuck away. The internet is full of people, specially whiny faggots no one wants to have around.
No. 143615
File: 1477848959220.jpg (110.67 KB, 834x1000, 1462308297072.jpg)
>>143612FUCK YOU YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT!!!!
ITS YOU WHO ARE THE FUCKING SOCIOPATHS!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT I WAS BORN WITH INFERIOR GENETICS AND NEVER PLAYED SPORTS AND WASNT CHAD! AAAAAH!!!!!
IF YOU WOULD GIVE UP YOUR PUSSIES EASIER THEN MEN LIKE ME WOULD NOT EXIST!!! THE SANCTITY OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION RELIES ON MARRIAGE AND SEXUAL SOCIALISM!!! I FUCKING DESERVE YOU AND ALL THE CUNTS ON THIS SITE!!!
I. AM. OWED. SEX!!!
No. 143616
>>143615>FUCK YOU YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT!!!!>ITS YOU WHO ARE THE FUCKING SOCIOPATHS!!! >ITS NOT MY FAULT I WAS BORN WITH INFERIOR GENETICS AND NEVER PLAYED SPORTS AND WASNT CHAD! AAAAAH!!!!!>IF YOU WOULD GIVE UP YOUR PUSSIES EASIER THEN MEN LIKE ME WOULD NOT EXIST!!! THE SANCTITY OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION RELIES ON MARRIAGE AND SEXUAL SOCIALISM!!! I FUCKING DESERVE YOU AND ALL THE CUNTS ON THIS SITE!!!
>I. AM. OWED. SEX!!!i REFUSE TO BELIEVE A ROBOT WOULD THINK THIS AND RIGHT THIS
this clrealy is the work of a reddit shit poster
No. 143617
File: 1477849275083.png (79.82 KB, 1115x865, 1472160058437.png)
>>143616FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOU
No. 143618
>>143617no fuck you anon and go back to the robit
ragin here or just raging in general isn't going to do shit
sick of this shit
No. 143619
File: 1477849516688.jpg (219.37 KB, 393x829, ixy7zYV.jpg)
>>143618DIE CUNT!! DIE!!!
No. 143620
File: 1477849684767.png (204.73 KB, 383x278, get the gun.PNG)
>>143619>DIE CUNT!! DIE!!!but anon
I'm a fellow robit too… No. 143623
File: 1477851895966.png (198.6 KB, 689x680, great.png)
>>143621>it's not funny and neither are you.it's not supposed to be funny
I use this images because they are my main form a reaction images…
stop bullying me please No. 143625
File: 1477857155414.png (3.1 MB, 900x900, meger mien drinking.png)
>>143624no I like Megaman
anon please just leave me alone
No. 143627
>>143626being 18 is the border between adult and teenager…
there honestly is no need to get upset…
I just have a theme…
No. 143630
File: 1477858990214.gif (4.05 MB, 500x282, mylife.gif)
>>143629>Jesus fucking christ, I'm going to talk about my shit relationship with lolcow. Everything used to be great, we'd have some arguments from time to time, a cow or someone from pull would show up, maybe a stan or an attention-starved robot, maybe a bigger fight on rare occasions, but we always made up. and things would go back to normal and the reasons we liked each other were never lost, only expatiated.
>But now all these stupid fucking faggots keep crawling out of the woodworks and shitting up the place. they type like morons and post stupid images repeatedly and can't be bothered to read anything before posting.ok anon holy shit I'm sorry I made you feel like this
I was just joking for the most part
if it really bothers you this much I won't use the fuckin images if you really want your
safe space to be the way you like it
i'll even delete the images too…
just try to be nice please
No. 143633
>>143631what ure feeling is normal
after a while passion is gone and companionship takes over
however, you could always try to bring the passion back into the relationship
e.g. buying flowers, writing letters, saying i love you often and going on dates
No. 143634
File: 1477906298704.png (130.15 KB, 853x480, kms.png)
I'm currently in that stage of the relationship where the lovey dovey-ness stops and the boy starts acting like they couldn't give less of a shit
This always happens in my relationships. This one isn't as bad as previous ones but always at about a year and a half in the boys just act differently.
They stop calling you beautiful. They don't seem excited to see or talk to you anymore.
Is this 100% normal / how it should be? I feel like my feelings haven't changed that much but maybe it's more of a guy thing?
My boyfriend is still sweet and occasionally says nice things but not nearly as often as he used to.
I recently spent time with a friend and her boyfriend. They've been together 3 years and he was so affectionate and always calling her beautiful, perfect, the cutest in the world. It almost made me want to cry.
My boyfriend used to be like this with me, I don't know what happened.
I don't want to bother him about it and come off as a clingy attention whore, but I know things feel different and I'm constantly worrying it's because I did something wrong.
No. 143636
>>143631When you're together with someone they do start feeling more like a friend, but… Better? Like you gain a best friend that also sticks their dick in you occasionally. I can't explain it but you do form a very tight bond.
It's true, the butterflies stop and I used to be worried about the same thing (this is my first big-girl relationship) but it's been going strong for a long time and honestly my best advice is to try and bond as much as you can with your bf in the initial months, establish a trusting relationship where you both feel like you can be comfortable around each other. Imo this is really important, because if you don't have that you won't see any reason to stay with them and they'll just be Some Bloke to you all over again.
I've been in a lovely relationship for such a long time (4yrs, samefagging because I forgot to reply to your comment) and I used to think just like you. It's also important that you don't get together with just anyone, if their personality clashes with yours once the honeymoon period is over the relationship can turn sour real quick and communication might be nonexistent
No. 143640
>>143608Hey, I know exactly how you feel, like down to the worrying and the hoping he'd open up and let me in more to the constant hurt of thinking about when he was sweet and nice. I'm from here:
>>143215 You're better off moving on. If he hasn't opened up, he never will and you have to ask yourself if it's WORTH waiting for him to want to do those things when you can find a man who will easily open up and let you be apart of his life.
The fact that he doesn't show any actual interest into who you are, or how you are, shows a real lack of interest and yeah, that's death for a relationship. It's give and take. I could only go on for so long with being the taker without any sort of giveback.
Your heart will heal. Mine has. It's been four months and I'm already moved on. I still think about him from time to time but there's nothing I can do except try to find happiness with someone else. And you can do it too.
No. 143644
File: 1477953710764.jpg (109.23 KB, 955x768, 1447389359296.jpg)
>be me
>go on omegle for the sake of being bored and not going on it in years
>come across cute guy
>find out he and i have the exact same interests/tastes
>we talk for 3 hours
>have to go to bed
>swap phone numbers
>immediately start texting
>he confesses his feelings to me
>"anon i think i really like you"
>ohgosh.gif
>month later
>we text regularly every day and occasionally skype
>mfw we're talking about meeting up irl for new years
Anyone who has experience in LDR think it's a good idea for me to move forward? He's honestly the perfect guy, but I'm so afraid of this going wrong once we get together IRL
No. 143646
>>143644i met this really sexy irish fellow a couple years back via omegle. handsome face, nice body, huge dick, fun personality. his name was shane something. lost contact with him and i'd do anything to find him again. :(
i'd go across the country to meet this guy. i say go for it anon!! don't make the same mistake i did!!
No. 143654
>>143652Well, I have a bad sexual history of being abused to put it lightly, so my sister said the reason he isn't initiating anything is because he doesn't want to pressure me to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. However, we've been together years and this only has been an issue recently so I don't know if that's it. He did lose his old job and works somewhere he's not very happy at during night shift, and I know that's bothering him a lot but would it cause someone to lose their sex drive? I don't know. I don't think I'm ugly though, although I am self conscious of my underweight Skellington figure and flat chest.
>>143653not really, im not good at initiating, I'm too socially retarded to be discreet and too shy to be up front
No. 143655
>>143653>If a guy had a gf who only had sex with him every 5 months….he'd bitch every day about it.Different anon but it really depends on the guy's needs. Asked my bf of two years if it was a big deal that we didn't sex as often anymore and he said he doesn't mind. He's not even the type to chronically masturbate or download massive amounts of porn. We just like our romantic companionship and I guess if both of us happened to feel sexual we would.
I know it seems rare but some guys just don't prioritize sex so highly.
>>143654The best thing you can do is ask him directly what his needs are, Explain that you don't feel sexual cravings often but if he does, maybe you can agree to a middle ground of sorts.
Oh and it could absolutely be the job btw. Stress is a huge libido destroyer for guys.
No. 143659
>>143658Thank you for the comfort, it really does trouble me when he's upset and I wish I could express to him how much I never intend to cause harm. A lot of the things that these issues pop up over are minor in my opinion, but if he has a problem with them I'm always willing to see it from his side and at least reach a compromise. All of his feelings are valid to me and I remind him of that fact.
In person is definitely the only way to go, even if talking to him about something serious like that is going to be quite nervewracking. But when I talk to him in person about anything serious he's always more understanding and less cold to me, I think it's because he can see the emotion in my face when I say it. I've been completely unreasonable in person with him in the past (something I have worked upon and I control my emotion better now) and he's had nothing but incredible patience for me, yet the littlest thing I slip up online with unintentionally will completely put him off even talking to me online which just makes me feel stranded with worry because all I want to do is help and I can't physically reach out to him. I'll try talking about it in person as it might be the only way.
No. 143660
Sooooo I'm stuck in a dilemma right now.
Today I had a nice first date with a guy I met on Tinder. He seems sweet, cute, and intelligent, and we actually had a lot to talk about. It's the first time I've actually wanted to go on a date with someone off of a "real" adult date.
After the date, we went to the guy's place and watched a little Netflix, which I guess was a pretense to making out. But I got kind of bored part of the way in, and I didn't want to do anything more. I hope I didn't seem too rude/disinterested, but eh, I wasn't feeling it. I definitely want to go on another date, but I don't see myself wanting to spend hours and hours with this guy. Idk. Well, it's not like I have to decide now, right?
The problem is I kind of have something else going with another guy. I'm kind of FWB (but not really) my ex who I dated four years ago when I was still in high school. We were really awkward back then, and I actually felt really anxious seeing him in person.
However, over the last year, we've spent a lot of time talking. It was mostly me venting over the phone to him, since I felt like I didn't have anyone else to talk to. Anyways, it was really soothing talking to the phone with him. We got to hang out for a little bit this summer, where we cuddled platonically and slept in bed together. But then we stopped talking for a few months. I thought our friendship was over, but I saw him a few weeks ago, and we've been closer than ever. Even closer than when we were dating, since I think we've both matured a lot. We hung out for a couple of days this week, and the whole experience was really fun.
Yesterday we had an amazing cuddling experience, that was almost as intimate as sex. Or at least definitely more intimate than the sex you have with random hookups. My ex even kissed me (in a really cutesy, innocent way), which was something he hadn't done since we broke up. I didn't want to have to leave for work, even though we were just laying around doing nothing for an hour. And I'm comparing my tinder date to that, and it just feels unsatisfying.
In a lot of ways, what I have with him is a lot more preferable than casual dating, even though it means we don't have sex, commitment, or "I love you's." (Although I think we have done some bizarre, pseudosexual humiliation stuff) But even if we're NOT in a relationship, I think this would all be over the moment either of us gets a real girlfriend/boyfriend because it would definitely be considered emotional cheating.
I guess I should calm down about my Tinder date since I just met him. Maybe we're going to go nowhere. But I feel like I'm going to have to make a choice sooner or later, and I don't want to blow this thing up. I feel like I should tamp down on things with my ex because we have baggage; the relationship isn't going anywhere; he's preventing me from finding an actual boyfriend; we're never going to have sex; and he probably would give me up for an actual girlfriend in a moment.
Ughhh I don't know anything about adult dating or being "exclusive" or stuff.
No. 143662
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>>143660Sounds like you want a committed, monogamous relationship, honestly. If you're not going to find that with your ex, you should break things off, as you will have trouble finding what you actually want while you are still seeing your ex. As long as your being intimate with your ex, you'll be emotionally bonded to him, and won't be able to have proper pair bonding with someone else.
As for Tindr dates, you could probably do better. Unless you are absolutely repulsive, you can find a higher quality mate by looking irl.
My thoughts on exclusivity are that it's worth demanding that, as it takes more of an emotional toll on women to be in a non-monogamous situation than it does on men.
No. 143664
>>143661 what
>>143663 said in regards to speaking about other people really does work as a kind of deterrent (but i understand that you said you're not really interested in relationships right now, so maybe you'd like to avoid that entirely).
my period started before i could meet with one of my tinder matches, and i told him that and he understood. he added me on snapchat, which i don't use very often, we talked a bit on there, but now i'm off my period and it's been about a week since we've interacted in general and he hasn't hit me up at all (when last week he'd message me every day/things kept getting in the way of me coming to his place). i'm the hugest, most anxious sperg ever when it comes to this casual shit… so part of me is convinced he's no longer down to fuck even though that doesn't make sense and there's nothing there to indicate that, and as a result i'm stupidly anxious about trying to see if he's still open, even though it's as easy as typing "you up?". i feel both sexually frustrated and silly. i want to try to ask tomorrow night, though, so (please) wish me luck, farmers!
No. 143666
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I have been dating a super cute girl for a couple months but it has been online. (I'm a socially awkward fuck, forgive me.) We have tons in common and she is wonderful, she makes me super happy but I keep being a stupid self conscious idiot about things.
First off she is thin and I am not, I am working on losing weight but I am so fucking scared that when I visit her she will find me unattractive. She has seen full body shots of me in clothes but we wanted to wait to see each other's bodies until we met. I hate my body so much and I am so nervous about her getting grossed out because I am a gross fatty-chan. Beyond diet and exercise since I'm already working on that… is there any way for me to become more confident?
Also, she has a friend that she is close to and she talks about her a lot and I am jealous. I know I don't have a reason to fear her leaving me for this other chick but… I can't help but be jealous. I know she wouldn't cheat on me ever and I know feelings would never develop but I can't seem to ignore my petty jealousness. Why the fuck am I acting like such a child about it? How do other anons deal with jealousy?
Sorry if this doesn't seem to fit in this thread well enough.