/ot/ - off-topic

I was an awkward, unattractive kid from age 10 to 17, so I'm not sure if that counts, but I sure did have an especially shitty life during that time because of it.
Being mocked by my peers not only because of my appearance but also because of my bad social skills, I think it had a role in turning me to imageboards at a very young age. I was frequently found at 4chan starting at age 11.

My face is/was not particularly ugly, but I've always had huge cheeks and a chubby, round face in general. This was a lot more exaggerated when I was younger.
I was kind of a chubby kid and developed breasts at a relatively young age. Of course, girls are at their meanest when they're about 13, so this meant relentless bullying and girls telling me I was fat and disgusting, even when I thought they were friends.
So I developed huge body image issues. I felt obese and began trying to diet.
Now that I look back, I was never even slightly overweight. At my heaviest, I was 135 lbs at 5'6". I felt like I weighed 200 pounds however, and started two years of being obsessive and sort of ana about food. This didn't really do anything for my ugly ducklinghood however, since I only wore baggy clothes and didn't care for my greasy hair and dry skin at all.

I'm 21 now, and all seems to have changed for the better when it comes to looks. My skin isn't perfect as I still compulsively pick at my face, but I finally developed a somewhat healthy body image and maintain at a weight of 120 lbs. I also lost some of the baby fat in my face, so even though I still have big cheeks, it doesn't look as chubby as before.
Most of all I've learned that attractiveness really is 80% about self image. I always thought this was bullshit adults told me because I was ugly when I was 13, but it really is true. I don't slouch anymore and finally have the confidence to dress alternatively on a daily basis and rock it with confidence.

holy shit there's like 8 threads on this already both on b and g. please use the catalog next time.

>>136911
Not really? There's a million plastic surgery threads, the ugly thread, the narcissist thread, the sheltered thread but this one is really specific. Besides, who cares.

>>136912
There's a LOT more than those, jackass. You know there's more than 5 pages, right? Anyone who frequents here cares because we're sick of the same threads being made every goddamn month.

>>136913
Then don't go into them and you make an original thread instead of expecting content to be handed to you on a silver platter. This is a user generated board. Stop whining.

I moved overseas for two years when I was seven and then returned home due to my older sibling being diagnosed with cancer. Two years was just long enough that all my previous friend groups had morphed and moved on. So from the end of primary school till mid highschool (15-16) I was definitely one of the awkward ugly kids. i did well at school and had long curly, frizzy hair which led to many comparisons with hermione. I was also chubby and I hated my figure. It lead to me becoming interested in videogames, manga and anime and also learning to do lots of things and developing my personality to make up for being physically unappealing. Then, after a bout of severe depression caused me to drop around 25 pounds, I learned to do my make up and dyed my hair, and a miscarriage cause my tits to grow a cup size during the period when I was pregnant, I ended up pretty, enough so that I got a paid runway modelling gig.
I guess the plus side is that I get the privileges pretty girls experience now, while still being capable of using more than appearance to try and get what I want. I also have a wonderful partner who wants to marry me someday. being happy has made me put some weight back on tho, so I gotta get on to that, but I'm still in a far better position to be successful then I was before.

>>136913
cry moar

>>136909
I used to be an ugly child, and I hate it when people say children can't be ugly. They very much can, and I was one of them.
I was never cute or bubbly or outgoing, and I'm not very charming either. I've always been kind of a bookworm so older adults didn't really coddle me, wasn't really treated like a 'cute little girl' ever in my life and most people forgot I existed unless they needed someone to pick on. Nobody taught me how to wash my hair, dress myself, put on makeup, talk to guys etc. I wasn't even boyish or anything, just… Neutral, I guess? I wasn't allowed to shave my legs and pluck my unibrow, wear makeup, buy any cosmetics or even pick my own soap, every time I went to a drugstore I'd get an earful of how I'm wasting money. Sometimes it even felt like my parents forgot that I'm my own person.

I grew into my features, so while I can't really consider myself pretty in the conventional sense at least now I look pleasant and not like a hairy gorilla. Still can't dress myself and don't know where to begin. Every time I buy makeup and clothes I can hear my mother screaming at me in my head, but Korean makeup has really helped me overcome that since it's so natural looking and cheap. I use lip tint for everything.
I'm also getting a much-needed nose job next year and don't plan on telling my mum about it. I don't really care what people think about my appearance but I think I look nice now which is what matters.

I was disgusting in middle school. 8th grade I wore the same 6 shirts to school everyday. I was somewhat picked on. I had literally one friend by the end of the year and I don't get why she even bothered with me. I don't think I really even liked her. I was incredibly socially igronant, horribly weird (I was called that so much that to this day I still consider it an insult), and had zero confidence or self esteem because of it. I was gross, and I decided to change my style when I got to high school. Self esteem went up slightly, and was less weird. I had friends though. By the end of high school I didn't have friends, had zero esteem again, anxious all the time, and felt like a scum covered loser. It wasn't till I entered college that I felt sure in myself. I started dressing more mature, and developed my personality and interests more. I get compliments from people I don't know all the time now, and it feels almost like I don't deserve them. I know how to talk to people and carry the conversation, but I don't care about people anymore. I get asked out every once in a while, but it's usually less than desirable boys who have an interest in me, but I'm attactive to them at least.

>>136916
Are you me? Literally the same story.

This part especially is peculiar:
> I get compliments from people I don't know all the time now, and it feels almost like I don't deserve them. I know how to talk to people and carry the conversation, but I don't care about people anymore.

I cut connections with others easily, people constantly try to be in touch with me, boys constantly ask me out but I just don't want any of that. I want to be left alone. Despite being able to seemingly connect with others it isn't me, I just don't care but others think I do.
I have experienced the honest side of people and had quite enough. The only reason why I would even consider being in touch with anyone is personal gains only, usually work related.

>>136909
I don't think I'm terribly attractive (I guess it depends on where I am) but I definitely improved. I used to be fat, dressed horribly (my mother disliked me and never bought me clothes, more on this later), had bad skin, greasy hair, etc. I was a total mess.

I only got better when I got a bf in my later college years (my first at 22). He kind of helped my self-esteem and encouraged me to look better (but not in a mean way at all). I lost a lot of weight, style myself way better and all that.

The good thing is that people are definitely nicer and look at me more. I just don't feel much different about myself, for either the negative or the positive.

The funny thing is my mother has always been extraordinarily superficial and she was incredibly cruel to me about my appearance my entire life. It really killed my self esteem when I was younger and I was miserable, but now that I look better she treats me really nicely, she's a totally different person and she always gushes over how good I look when I see her in person. The truth is I kind of hate her for it and I'm glad that she looks awful now, she gained a ton of weight with age and has some skin condition that looks really bad. I can tell she sometimes feels bad about herself and I'm secretly glad, she deserves her karma.

I used to be that girl where people would say "At least she's smart and studious.."
My parents are ridiculously strict when it comes to interacting with boys (unless they strongly believe we are just friends).
So I never really had the confidence to talk to boys apart from them asking me for my homework to copy during middle school to high school days. I went to a government school where we had uniforms and I would wear the skirts down to my knees (which wasn't "cool" by peers)
Fast forward to my college days, I got introduced to the world of bangs and eyebrow threading and "2nd round of puberty'.. I looked decent enough to be getting compliments from everyone (people from my school days who never once considered me pretty)

But the thing is.. initially I didnt quite like the compliments and newfound 'attention' I was getting from the opposite sex (guys actually started asking me for my numbers.. email.. etc) because it seemed so shallow and superficial.. It hit me that they only noticed me because of my looks.
Eventually I managed to find an acceptance of the change and I've never been more appreciative of myself.

>>136915
>>136917
>I know how to talk to people and carry the conversation, but I don't care about people anymore.
>Despite being able to seemingly connect with others it isn't me, I just don't care but others think I do.

Wow, now I'm starting to wonder if this is because of how we grew up because I'm the same way. I was bullied hard as fuck in jr high. I went to a rural, backwoods as fuck school and I was a goffick weaboo. I was the only person with "alternative" taste in my class. Everyone else wore camo and talked about hunting/fishing/etc. They called me weird on a daily basis. I was quiet and liked to read, which also made me weird because SKOOL SUCKS, Y YU LEIK 2 DO XTRA WORK WEIRDO
Anyway, high school happened and I got out of the gothic phase, so I cleaned up my style. Puberty gave me curves in the right places (slim thick, whatever) and guys started talking to me differently. At first, when they would talk about my ass, I thought they were bullying me still. Took me all of freshman year to realize they were flirting and that big butts were actually attractive for some reason. I only had two boyfriends and never dated anyone outside of my weeb friend circle, though. These days, I'm average to attractive, but I honestly don't give a fuck about other people. I have one friend and if she died tomorrow, I probably wouldn't be that upset. People approach me with bullshit "surface" conversations and I'm bordering on being able to conversate and acting like a total sperg because I just want to get on with my day.

Sorry for a long blog. I needed to get this out somewhere I guess.

>>136916
>I get compliments from people I don't know all the time now, and it feels almost like I don't deserve them
Me too. A lot of my cute classmates acted and still act so confident, like it's perfectly normal that people would coddle them and give them things just because they're pretty.

Even if someone gives me a compliment I feel like an imposter, because I used to be ugly and don't you know I don't actually look this good without minimal makeup? You'd be so disappointed if I took off my glasses and tied my hair back, I look like a weasel.

Things like that. It sucks because I know I'm not ugly but I can't even enjoy my not-ugliness after 20 years of being called gorilla, jew, Mrs Doyle, gypsy, garden gnome, cave goblin etc

I was a really really skinny teen with a nasty skin disorder, people were afraid to touch me and called me things like lich queen, death, freak, and cripple like that was my name. I had zero boobs and didn't know how to dress for my body shape.

Now I'm cute in a non-traditionally beautiful way (I've got a really soft face), but I have a great body and stopped wearing unflattering things. (Pants are not a pear's friend)

I use makeup to my advantage when I go out, but I'm still massively insecure because I didn't learn how to use it until I was in my 20s and I still have skin issues that make it impossible for me to wear it all the time, so it's more of a special occasion deal for me. Compliments make me feel like a total fraud and I still fear people will laugh at me when they see me without my full face program. When someone hits on me in public, my first thought is they're trying to prank me and I'm hesitant about talking to them because I feel like if someone hits on me for my looks, they would've bullied me 10 years ago. I feel uncomfortable with people looking at me and will try to hide myself unless I'm on my 100% A game. Anyone complimenting my attractiveness IRL turns me into a cringeworthy tsundere mess because I don't know how to respond, I had to train myself to just say "thank you" even though I don't like that it implies agreement. But it's less cringey than arguing "n-no stop it whatever ugh". ¯\_ツ_/¯

>>136922

Gosh I had the same experience!
I was skinny as a teen but not in the sexy way, rather shaped like a flat rectangular surfboard

Can I ask a bit of an off topic question, what kind of makeup do you use [brand etc.]? I Also have a nasty skin condition but honestly don't think makeup can even help me, my face is scarred like charcoal.

I was super awkward, socially on top of being ugly. I was a cute little kid, but from like middle school to college, despite having a social life, I always felt like I had to do everything to keep it going. I did a lot of clubs in high school, went to a lot of cons, and had friends, but felt like if I stopped trying, I would've disappeared. Also found myself in this awkward position of being the sidekick to usually rich, very pretty, girls a couple of times. When I did start to become more attractive, my fear that actually no one really liked me coupled with "I'm still pretty ugly" made it pretty easy for people to manipulate me. I was really my own worst enemy. Anyways, now I'm pretty enough (will always think I'm a butterface, no matter what) and I've gone through the social ringer I should've gone through in high school. Girls flirt with me a lot more. Guys are of course a little annoying about it, but I basically try to remain as crass and un-wavered by it as ever. My husband is the one who told me I had ugly-duck when we first started dating years and years ago. I tried a LOT harder when I met him, and had fun doing it.

The biggest con is: I can't just fade away from attention like I could before and learning to like it is really difficult because I don't think it's genuine, or at least, it's not the kind of attention I really want, so it's kind of annoying to me.

the biggest pro is: when one of your biggest insecurities just fades away, you can see others insecurities really easily. It's made people who normally intimidate me seem way more approachable. I think it's allowed me to speak more genuinely to other people, and I overall have much better relationships with other people.

After being a rather carefree, happy kid I became a socially awkward, too loud, too childish chubby teenager. I wasn’t overweight with a BMI of 22 but still. My weight accumulated in my face and I looked awful. I didn’t realize I had gained weight so I kept dressing the way I did as a skinny child. Needless to say, I didn’t know what to do with my hair or make up. It also didn’t help that I had a working class background while everyone else at my new school was posh. I later learned that some kids weren’t allowed to invite me to their place because their parents didn’t like my father.
I never got invited to social events and boys and girls would pick on me, though the boys were worse.

I remember once, when I was 15, a girl I went to school with invited me to a party in the forest. Usually the guys never let a girl leave on her own because they were worried something might happen to her if she walked home alone in the dark. When I wanted to leave nobody cared. I didn’t care that much either because it would have been awkward having to drive home with a guy who used to bully me. But one of the girls wanted to be nice and pointed out that I shouldn’t go home alone. Still, none of the guys volunteered. At this point I felt really embarrassed but it got worse because now all the girls insisted someone should bring me home. They got really angry. In the end one guy offered to drive me home to appease the „cool“ girls.

Now I’m in my twenties. I lost a lot of weight, learned how to dress and my face changed for the better. People do treat me differently, especially guys. But it seems like I can’t get over these teenage years. I always get suspicious when people treat me nicely. If I don’t get suspicious I’m overly grateful for things other girls consider normal. While I might look better these days I’m just as awkward as I was back then so even though men do treat me kindly at first it often changes when they realize how socially inapt I am.

Gunna cut it short

Was a short guy, picked on for being ugly since I didn't know what to do with my body or take care of it. After high school I got "hot" and now I never believe it when someone tells me I'm attractive. I'm 26 now and I still wonder if someone is being sarcastic when they tell me I'm attractive.

It did affect my love life though. I didn't take confessions seriously since I was always thinking "I'm a turd, why are you confessing?"