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Previous thread: >>110532
Keep venting, friends.
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>tfw stomach problems
>tfw sinus infection that just won't go away
>tfw no matter how much I floss, brush or use mouth wash my breath stinks like shit
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I moved away and left my professional job after I got my bachelors cuz it was in my small hometown.
Now I'm stuck here unemployed and chubbier on top of being the ancient virgin I already was .
Maybe it's time to hit the road and go back to hometown, anon? Sometimes it's actually easier to find jobs in small cities.
And go back home on foot so you can lose the chubbs while you're at it, kek.
Your mom and sister sound like the type of hypochondriacs who are terrified to see doctors, as opposed to the more commonly known type that is constantly harassing doctors with new "symptoms."
source: I am also this type of hypochondriac.
4chan is honestly very mainstream now.
Lots of people I know use Pepe and say stuff like 'lel' and 'kek' (and my favourite, 'lal') regularly. And these aren't even the weird kids.
Don't beat yourself up over it, you never know what's going on behind closed doors.
Allow yourself to have a social life, getting top marks isn't everything
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I feel so useless as a human being sometimes. I don't contribute enough to society and I'm a few friends away from becoming a full blown shut in save for my job. I have a boyfriend but he is similarly anti-social. We just sit in this apartment all day, playing with the cat, occasionally cooking a meal, and smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure the weed makes me even more depressed, but it helps with my anxiety and restlessness. In my head, it's like I "lose" either way. I started doing drugs because I hated how I felt being sober. Now I just feel like I'm digging myself a hole. I already know the answer to my problems. I just need to go see a psych or something.
Fellow anon w/ anxiety here but imo smoking weed weekly was really helping me out back when I had access to it. I really do feel it legitimately helps people, and in my case, it eased my stress in addition to (ironically to some I suppose) helping me control my binge eating. The stereotype that weed is just for losers or edgy teenagers is really overrated. As if no reasonable adults could benefit from it at all. If it helped you relax and took your mind off things then don't regret it.
But I think what's depressing you is the comedown to reality. The truth is unless you start getting a bit more sociable and out of the house you'll always come back to the depression. Either way the weed isn't the problem.
Part of me knows she's slightly emotionally abusive but, I'd never be able to talk about it to someone in real life about it. Mostly because I know I'm not an easy person and I put myself constantly down too. Whenever I try to speak about my problems I feel like I'm going to choke on my words. My hearts feels so heavy and I can't force the words out. How do I get help or explain to a psych or a therapist if I act this way?
It's like the people who put a smile on their face and suffering on the inside. I'm at the point there isn't a smile, there is obvious even on the outside I'm not okay, but I'm sotting there talking to you how things are "getting better" when it's not.
I've been so depressed I hurt physically, I try to talk to my friends but the same thing happens, I choke. I seem to just be being a dick to my boyfriend too because I just replace the sad feeling with anger.
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I was taking pictures of the christmas decorations and new tree I put up. Went to go upload them onto my computer and realized I had taken them with my bf's memory card. There were pictures stored on it from a hike we took w/ friends in 2014. When I was like, actually fit and weighed 80 pounds less than I do now.
Even though I looked like shit in most of the pictures I looked 10 times as good as I do now, sweat and tiredness in all.
Went on Meitu and ever so slightly hit the photos with the liquify and filter tools. I look(ed) so fucking good and I let it all go. Now I don't even have the self-esteem to exercise outside, and it would take me two years if I started tomorrow to get to the point where I was. Part of me doesn't even think it's worth it since I'm so very likely to rebound, just like I did now. This is the most drastic.
>tfw you hurt your own feelings with your inadequacies and poor self-worth
>live with mums asshole 65 year old roommate for twelve years
>mum literally mummys him and hes still always angry
>never buys his own meals, never pays bills, doesn't take care of the house or chores, has no responsibility and basically lives here for free
>quite literally sits in bed on facebook all day jerking off or stalking my mums social media
>has no life or friends and everbody hates him
>thinks its cool to pretend to be a hacker/spy but is clueless about technology
>despite being an old man, acts like an edgy prick of a 14 year old
>gets super angry whenever my mum goes out with her friends
>accuses her of cheating on him with multiple men even though they aren't together and he has actual history of cheating on his wife (my mum hasnt even been with anyone and he's a giant hypocrite)
>tells authority figures that she's his spouse (wtf)
>punches the wall constantly probably for attention
>does it so often that theres a hole in it
>refuses to fix or pay for any of the damages hes done to the house
>has complete meltdowns over nothing and acts like a literal manchild
>obvious insecurity issues, gets jealous of me because i can actually bond with my mum unlike him
>breaks window with a wrench in front of my 3 year old niece
>breaks the doors by kicking them and needlesly slams them
>pours chocolate milkshake on my bedroom carpet in blind rage and screams in my face because my mum asked him to clean the hallway and he's mad that she didnt ask me
>pushes me and throws furniture
>breaks the furniture and walls in the process
>police come over often and always laugh at him
>hear him bitch out loud, slam doors and pound on the wall everyday
>sometimes leaves after her and follows her to her destination when she goes out
>always cusses at her, gives vague answers, or tells her to die
>gets increasingly aggressive as the days go on
Just kill me. Does anyone know if this is some sort of mental illness? I remember stumbling upon a term before that's described symptoms incredibly similar to the way he acts. You'd think he's an abusive, jealous lover but they have never even dated and he's made it clear that he hates her so… why is he obsessive? It's extremely draining being around such negative energy everyday and it's gotten so bad that my brother had to move away. I wish I could remember more insane shit he's done because over the span of 12 years, theres been A LOT so these are just some very recent events.
my parents were swingers and i grew up in a hyper-sexual environment, they let people around me and my sister that they should have never let near two little girls. my mom was an alcoholic and when she didnt want to swing anymore my dad would just get her black out drunk and let whomever do what they wanted to her. my dad is somewhere in between a narcissist and sociopath who gets off from the degradation of other people. hes had sex with most of my moms family (theyre so fucked up dont get me started) most my aunts, quite a few cousins, and pretty much any and all female acquaintances my family has known. he also tried to force himself on a family member, but of course he got away with it because he gets away with everything. it fucks with my head knowing he let men rape my mom when she was blacked out, in my home, where me and my sister slept. i wish i could burn down that damn house with him inside it.
i hate him for what he did. i hate that because of him i thought it was normal for husbands to grab, grope, and kiss women that werent their wives, in front of their wives and children. i've only ever seen women be treated like meat and even though i know my looks dont define me, i feel like if men dont want to fuck me im useless and should die. he scrutinized my weight and appearance growing up and my self-esteem is pretty much non-existent. i have a counselor but idk i just feel like ive plataued, i feel so unresolved about my father. i've cut him out of my life but i know he doesnt care. the only reason he would give a fuck is because it taints this image he wants other people to have of him. i want to ruin him i want to tell people the terrible things hes done, but i dont think anyone would even believe me.
Trust me, anon. I know how it feels. My stepfather was a sexual predator and he got away with shit for years. My mom knew he was abusing me and didn't do anything (and i was too depressed/naïve to save myself during those years). The things he did to me have haunted me since I was a teenager and I still suffer from the consequences of that fucking nightmare. He was a pastor and eventually got kicked out of church because people found out he was a cheater, but that wasn't enough. I had to prove i wasn't lying to another pastor who was friends with my mom. I literally spent weeks spying on him until I got a chance to take pictures of him and his favorite whore.
Even if people don't believe you, you should tell them what happened – even if people don't really believe you, they will pay more attention to his behavior and you will sow the seeds in their heads. From what you said you family probably already knows he's a piece of shit anyways.
i am so sorry he did that to you, and im sorry your mom didnt stop it, you deserve better anon. i hope youre doing okay now, do you see a therapist or talk to anyone about it?
my dad kept his swinger lifestyle underwraps and its stills pretty secretive. hes a major leader in his community. i dont think he even knows that i know everyones he fucked, or tryed to fuck. he would tell everyone im a liar anyway. my mom left him when she sobered up because hes an abusive fuck, but he told everyone in their community it was because she cheated (god the fucking irony because hes literally cheated on her god knows how many times) they all shunned her and they refuse to speak to her now. i cut him out of my life and most people know but he just tells everyone my mom brainwashed me, and plays the victim card so everyone feels bad for him. he always plays the fucking victim card and it fucking kills me.
i am grateful though, he never physically sexually abused me, it was mostly just covert stuff.
Two years will pass anyway, just try to change course little by little. As each new healthy behavior becomes a habit, add another one on top of it. You can change your patterns permanently if you go slowly.
Here's one to start with: Drink only water, so your calories will only come from things you eat.
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When I was a child I used to be super social, not shy at all and a natural born leader. Then the years of emotive and physical abuse have gotten to me and just three years later I was a completely different person. To add more fire, for this reason I was bullied in my entire teenage years which made it worse.
Now I'm still extroverted and less shy but still it's like I forgot how to be a socially successful, not-shy-at-all type, and it sucks because I know I am (with close friends my true self comes out) but I feel like the only way to come back to my old true self is going to a therapist that will proceed to remove the self loathing out of me, but I'm too poor to afford them. And at the same time I feel like the damage is too deep and I won't be back to my old persona. I hate being defined "shy" or "quiet" so I force myself to speak as much as I can, even saying useless things, even resulting annoying at times. Let it end, somebody un-shy me
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I basically just had an argument and lost a friend over this fucking chick. If you don't know her is Celestia Vega, some E-girl.
My friend sent me some screenshots of her twitter basically saying "wtf" because a few months ago she wasn't so all about Sex etc.
I pointed out that the photographer she clearly paid for did an awful job because he didn't fix her hair for the shoot or fix it in photoshop.Stuff like that kinda irks me.
I used to be a cosplayer, i've did countless shoots, I dated togs, help with their shoots, other cosplayers shoots, did some of my own cosplay photography. Plus my Father does Photography. So I feel like I have some say in whether a picture is bad or not.
The conversation quickly turned onto how bad my cosplay pictures are etc and that I need to get my head out of my ass because she's a hot girl.
I haven't did cosplay in about a year now but I still took a lot of pride in the pictures i did have because they were such fun to shoot with my friends. It takes me loads of time and money and a whole lot of confidence for me to even think about doing that kind of stuff. I can take hate from anyone, but when it comes from someone who i considered a friend it really hits home. I just recently lost another friend due to growing apart more or less.
I'm so bad at making friend that when i lose one it seriously hits home.
> mfw an egirl i don't even know just ruined my day.
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>tfw 27 year old khv
How did I let this happen?
I'm sorry but it's not going to happen. When I had my wisdom teeth out the anaesthetic alone took a whole day to wear off. The swelling took a week.
Maybe bear with it for the event, then take them out afterwards?
Yeah mine were pretty impacted and so bad they had to come out asap as well. You aren't gonna have a good time with those teeth gone for a week and I'm sorry. I was dead from surgery for like 2 weeks but everyone is different so maybe you won't do too bad. You could always do what >>120282
suggests because it's suck it up and endure the pain or get them removed before the event.
I would recommend getting the teeth removed though because mine were so bad I didn't want to even try eating for days and I don't encourage that if you're getting to that point of pain.
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same except 25
I tell myself its because I took forever coming out of the closet and so idk how to date and the lesbian scene is nonexistant where I live… but tbh even these 14 year old bbgays manage to find internet gfs over tumblr or whatever so I really have no excuse except that I suck and will die alone.
But for you it's the exception. For us it's the majority.
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Happy birthday anon. I'm sorry you're having a bad day, it always sucks to have a shitty birthday. Get yourself some booze and have a party by yourself today, fuck everyone else. Some day you'll reach your goals and be able to do the things you really want to do.
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You're so adorable! I'm not the one that you responded to, but your response is so nice and free of bile that people usually throw on the internet that I just had to tell you how much your post brightened up my day <3>>120399
Happy bday farmer!
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Happy Birthday Anon!
Maybe life is not working out right now but 27 is still a perfectly young age, plus being a student means you have a totally acceptable excuse to not have stuff figured out yet>>120272
Sorry for misreading, going back home can be pretty boring. It's a good time to do the stuff you ignore during term time though like updating social media, resumes, organizing your harddrive, planning what you want to get out the next term etc.
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Happy Birthday! Have a gif of a cat with a horse friend.
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27 and only 1.5 years from your degree is great!! There's so many people who just gave up or never bothered as if being older than 25 is ancient and too late. You'll be kicking ass with your degree and hopefully can kick the jerks in your life the fuck out once you're finished.
Good on you for doing it anon, it sounds like you're toughing out some really difficult things and you deserve some credit for that!
I hope you get to enjoy today, and I hope you feel proud of yourself for being as strong as these sorts shitty situations require. You deserve to feel good.
Whats your degree in?
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I'm so fucking sick of having acne. I've had it for almost three years now and I'm tired of trying to fix it. I feel like a monster compared to everyone else around me who has smooth complexions and I'm jealous they seem to effortlessly have something I can't even hope to have despite all my effort.
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Happy birthday anon, I'll post some cute pic too.
For what concerns the degree, I have colleagues in my classes that are 27, 28 and such, and have just started, so don't worry, you're still young. Are you talented in something, or just have something you're really passionate with? You could turn it into your job, with a more stable financial situation you'll be able to dump your shitty bf and move on with your life. In this period I'm pretty fucking depressed too, and I know well that when you're depressed you feel numb and lifeless even only to start something, but let's just find the strenght to do the first move because that's the hardest step, and then everything will be better.>>120403
I don't know if it's because I'm on pms, but this pic and post made me tear a little
You right. I'll get over it. It's just that this has never happened to me before, so maybe that's why I'm bothered more than usual.>>120399
Happy birthday!! :)
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i have no friends or boyfriend and im super depressed with (clearly) no support system.. i try and make friends with random people online to try and hold me over until i could maybe possibly find a way to meet new friends but it doesnt work
this is just my lowest point like a year ago i could get dates and stuff but now im pathetic enough to almost want to try going to r9k to get shitty orbiters so id have someone to talk to
i just want some online friends fuck
why don't you make a friend here?
no offence, but making friends, or worse, a boyfriend from r9k would be an awful idea
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One of my professors decided to end their class early so now I have two essays, two exams and a final project presentation due tomorrow. I have three hours left to finish working on the project for the latter and I'm really annoyed that it's going to be half-assed. Tomorrow's going to be an absolute shitshow.
ive tried making friends here but im no good at it i guess once the initial conversation is done and they dont message me the next day i assume they dont want to talk to me so i dont push it .. i will try harder to keep things going but ive never been one to initiate conversation you know?
and i know that the r9k thing is a mess but thats just how desperate i am because right now only 1 person talks to me and hes very mean and borderline abusive at points
prob doesn't make you feel any better but im in the exact same boat. because im a pathetic loser i read a lot online about how to make online friends or being lonely just to try and convince myself im not the only one (doesn't usually work) and i get SO salty when i read things like "im an adult and have no friends… i'm so lonely… i can only talk to my boyfriend and i don't want to skype my online friends because i don't want to bother them" im like motherfucker i dont even have those. you aren't alone.
i know its not a contest and people can be perfectly lonely even with significant others but damn it makes me feel like an extra special loser when i think about how i can't even date. and i feel so consumed by my depression that i doubt im interesting or fun enough to make new friends or a boyfriend and so reading things about relying on a support system to get better just makes me feel like i never will.
so you probably wouldn't want to be friends with me, but why don't you both contact each other? seems like a perfect fit
i think your only options are break contact with both of them, or just pick one.
no matter what your choice is, someone is going to get hurt
have you tried looking at the practical (love aside) benefits of dating either of them?
Similar situation, however I have no interest in using skype or kik or any other annoying form of digital contact with people so that pretty much rules out being friends(ly) with most people, as that's all they'll do.
And I flee the moment anyone shows interest in me romantically (or otherwise) so I mean that doesn't help the situation.
Sometimes I'm content with being alone, but there are those other times I really wish I wasn't.
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I've haven't been a part of the tumblr scene for about three years now and never was huge on social justice but what in the ever living fuck is with self diagnosing?
tl;dr but this shit explains NOTHING.
the entire post is just an excuse to not go to a medical professional because MY FEELINGS MATTER
who in the fuck would want BPD? why romanticize it?
fuck dude, I've been diagnosed both in an impatient setting and at a separate clinic.
I don't want this shit, you can fucking have it, you dumb attention whores.
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Unless all these people are seeing a real life doctor House, they're full of shit. If a doctor isn't doing their job properly and refusing to listen to or treat a patient by claiming "you're a just hysterical woman! lolz" I'm sure they'd get fired.
I find it fucking insulting that they think a medical professional would single them out like that.
I've never felt singled out because of my ethnicity or gender. I've felt angry, sad, upset about being in a supervised professional setting, I think that's a normal part of inpatient. But never, ever, was that ever the fault of staff making me feel uncomfortable.
I know for a fact that if any medical professional acted towards a patient in such a way in the state of California they'd be in big trouble with the patients right advocate.
>The psych field is pretty fucking misogynist. Women especially experience a high rate of psychiatric abuse and neglect. Women are frequently diagnosed with mental illness when they display high levels of emotion, or they are not diagnosed with mental and physical illnesses they do have them because doctors tend not to believe women about being in pain out of claim their symptoms are due to ~*hysteria*~. Women, right?
I really can't think of anything more misogynistic than this "example". Why the fuck would this only be women? Fucking blog post right now but I saw my share of hysterical men and also my share of women that were so reserved and just overall quiet.
Why is everyone on tumblr so adamant about shoving everyone in their own little box?
Can you stay with a friend for a day or two?
Are there any shelters or social services nearby? If so hit them up for advice.
If you're still in school it may be worth speaking to a counsellor or trusted teacher there, or really anybody from a group you trust. Church, sport club, whatever. The most important thing is to ask for help rather than trying to suck it up and handle this shit alone.
I had a nmum as well and it's fucking horrible. Going no-contact if it's possible is the best advice I can offer tbh.
Try looking up any refuges or social work organisations locally, some charity shops also have assistance programs for people in your situation. Even if all they can do is point you in the direction of appropriate help.
Make sure you have all your documents like birth certificate, ssn, tax file number etc when you leave. Hell, take a bunch of granola bars and a raincoat and shit as well just in case you're stuck sleeping rough for a night or two.
What the fuck is the problem with some people.
Long story short I'm part of a student organization at uni, and the board recently changed because the previous one was doing literally nothing, not paying bills, making pointless drama, all that shit. Now, the organization has had T-shirts with the logo on it that we'd wear for events and such. Right now it seems former board members have the shirts at their houses. I asked the VP (who I was relatively close to last year… But turns out they're the kind of person who stops giving a shit about you once you stop seeing them every day) if they had some, and they told me "Yeah, why". Dude, because we need them. Then I explained very nicely that we'd like to get them back for events and all, although I shouldn't even have to explain this. I got a "Okay, I'll check" two weeks ago and then nothing. I asked again this week and they didn't even open the message. What are you even doing with these shirts, they're not cute, are you wiping your windows with them?
Just in general, I'm so mad against all the people who were in charge of the organization before. There's also the former secretary, god. I fucking hate him. He treated my boyfriend like shit (won't go into details because long story) and I see him almost every day because we're in the same class, I just wish I could get angry at him once for all but I don't feel comfortable doing that so it'll probably just frustrate me forever. I wonder if I should just do a strongly worded card to tell all of these people that they're the worst.
Kek yeah I'm realizing I'm acting like a teenager with this. I take trivial things way too much to heart.
I should probably just let go, but every time I tell myself that my thought immediately shift back to the things I'm angry about.
That's stupid as fuck unless you're gluten intolerant. He probably feels better because he can't stuff himself with the same junk now, the gluten has nothing to do with it.
Goddamn I'm so tired of stupid trendy shit like this. Nutrition isn't hard unless you deliberately make it so with shit like this.
It's got nothing to do with wanting to find help, and everything to do with wanting an excuse or more attention.
You can see it in this article when they talk about how they were misdiagnosed or not diagnosed, while ignoring what the whole point of seeing a doctor is, which is for treatment.
You don't need a diagnosis of MDD to recover from it, and a lot of disorders doctors prefer to just treat instead of making a formal diagnosis, keeps it off your records and it can be counterproductive in some cases.
Their reasoning is nothing more than an excuse to try to avoid people calling them out for being attention seeking retards. Look at the whole "a person might be diagnosed with a mental illness but then come out as trans and have that blamed on the mental illness" thing. That's a legitimate concern, a lot of disorders can bring about identity crises, and you should treat the original source instead of pushing them to transition. Anything else would be incredible irresponsible.
Same with the whole "self medication is the only thing we can do to help". Do they not get that self medication can't be prescribed drugs? Sure, you could self medicate with oxy or something, but it doesn't count if a doctor fucking gives you the hormones to transition, that's not self medication at all.
Well yeah, I assume that's why it worked, intolerance to foods can just be that they make you feel kind of shitty sometimes.
I'm lactose intolerant, and that's all I get from it, I feel tired and shitty the next day if I eat it, and a bit of an off stomach the day or so after.
A lot of people have mild intolerances to food, it's not uncommon at all.
And either way, it's worth giving it a shot if your diet's, hydration and sleep are all okay, cut it out for a week or so, see if there's any improvement.
Probably see a doctor first to make sure you're not just deficient in iron or vitamin d or something though.
It's stupid to cut entire food groups out just because you might not tolerate it well. any sensible person would know that, and would see a doctor about it.
Advising people to radically alter their diet without an actual reason is retarded. You might as well be saying anon also has meat rotting in their colon because some Beatle said so or saying they need to drink some expensive tea to detox.
Your health isn't something to experiment with, damn.
>>120834>It's stupid to cut entire food groups out just because you might not tolerate it well.
That's not what I said though, at all? Gluten isn't a food group, and it's not a big deal to avoid it for a week or so to see if it does help. It's a common intolerance, and doctors, if they suspect it's possible do just recommend that you go without it for a bit to see if it changes anything.
>Your health isn't something to experiment with, damn.
I'm not telling them to inject unresearched chemicals or some shit, they're not going to die because they don't eat bread for a week, just chuck in another main source of carbohydrates instead.
This is how doctors do check for common mild intolerances, there's no point scheduling tests when you could just try cutting it out for a bit.
I really don't see why you're so bothered by this, but you should stop acting so uppity about it, because you're just making yourself look silly. I said to see a doctor first, and you just ignored that and decided that gluten was a food group.
Well he's kind of right, that is a fucking stupid reason to break up with someone, everyone has different aspects of their personality that show up in different situations.
That being said, we all do dumb shit sometimes, it's not necessarily a bad thing unless you refuse to learn from it and not do the same thing in the future.
And don't beg him to come back, even if he did, it wouldn't work out, he's going to think you're insanely shallow, which he'd have good reason to. Apologise to him for it if you feel bad, but I don't think you should chase him.
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>tfw no gf
Aww, poor baby… your life must be a living hell :^(
Fuck off, faggot.
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Damn. My mom is a white American boomer and she'd never make me pay rent as long as I was saving money and paying my own bills.
I think if you're a complete slug it's one thing but it's almost impossible to make a decent wage at ages 18-22 nowadays.
it's definitely cultural. there are many traditions out there that have always supported multiple generations living under one roof. i know many people who had grandparents living with them - so does that mean the parents are lazy slobs still living with mom and dad? absolutely not. i don't see any issue as long as you have a job and are responsible for your own bills and amenities. i can understand it if money's tight, the situation is uncomfortable, or space is limited, or something.
>otoh the north american families, particularly middle class ones with a house of their own (rather than an apartment) lean more toward the mentality of "18 and you're on your own".
that's so weird to me. if you own the house why is it a problem? it honestly sounds like NA parents just hate their kids. a lot of these kinds of people tell their kids to hit the road ASAP but then take on student boarders for extra cash.
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Spank your cat while you masturbate so you can both feel really good.
Yeah I know why I do it but it's an habit almost lol… anyway I do have to drinks lot of water more often!
Thank you for the tips and reading!>>121091
Haha yeah I'm im a vice circle, thanks for the good wishes
I know everyone already agreed that it is a cultural thing, but i just want to confirm it again: yep, it's a cultural thing lol. Most of my family members are European but we've been in South America for almost twenty years now and staying with your family past age 18 is extremely normal, and it's totally fine if you have a job and pay for your own stuff. It's normal here in the country and my family living overseas doesn't see me as a lazy bum.
My ex boyfriend was American and could never understand how I didn't feel bad for living with my family at age 22. Yes, I had a job and was saving money.
>>121180>Haha yeah I'm im a vice circle, thanks for the good wishes
They were making fun of you, because the solution is insanely obvious.
Don't eat as much if you don't want to get fat.
You don't need to exercise to lose weight.
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>Finally get lease signed for house
>Excited because no more apartment bs
>SO loses job
>Call apartment management, extend lease
>Contact realtor to get deposit back
>trying not to cry to not make SO feel bad
DBT don't fail me now! The urge to self harm is too damn high. Might as well use the deposit on some good kush :/
scandinavian countries do give students a stipend that enables them to support themselves, without debt, to live on their own and go to school. with school being very cheap or maybe free, and allocated student apartments that are much cheaper than regular housing rates. iirc, traditionally, scandinavian countries weren't so drastically different than the rest of Europe with multigenerational households.
the biggest factor for fostering this change is that scandinavian, or similar, societies allows easy transfer from parental home to living on your own, without the majority of hardships any American equivalent would have to face to achieve the same.
As someone who lives in 'Scandinavia' (Finland, but still) it's not always easy, you're expected to work and if you can't find a job you're screwed. They give you like €300 for studying and you can take out a loan but you used to be able to get benefits and now you get nothing because they changed the system. Or you get some shitty amount like €200, which is altogether enough to pay your rent and phone bill and Internet and then you have €100 to sustain yourself until the next month however you can. Of course many people have parents with cushy jobs that help them out but not all do especially if they're minorities and the mother can't work because of lelslam/language barrier. Ive heard it's better in other nordic countries but here you're still expected to get a job at 16 and move out at 18 and if you don't = lol you loser.
To top it off, in many university programmes you just can't work but are still expected to. I regularly pull all nighters and have developed a heart problem because of my irregular sleep and diet but if you miss a lecture that's a point off your final grade in my uni. I'm taking 9 courses and go to class at 9 and come back at 7. If you need to study you have 3 hours and sometimes you have exams for the whole week and they usually just keep piling more stuff onto your already busy schedule. Yet if I say I'm not working atm they tell me I need experience or else I won't be employable.
I'm sure plenty of people have it easier but yeah. I have my last exam tomorrow in fact and it's 4AM and I'm tired and angry.
No quite. Let me open up these benefits a bit. There's also other benefits you can get but these are the ones that concern students and unemployed people.
Students get 'Opintotuki' (studying financial aid), which is anything from ~40-336€/month. Lower level students get 250€/month while unistudents get 336€/month. Your parents income effect on the amount you get if you are lower level student and live at home. This whole opintotuki is about to change though so that every student gets 250€/month max.
Students also get 'Asumislisä'(students living financial aid), which is similar to asumistuki but it's way less money (201€/month) and it doesn't grow according to your rent. This is also changing next year so that all students get asumistuki instead of asumislisä. Some stundets will lose their living financial aids because of this.
Then there's 'Asumistuki' (living financial aid), which you get even if you are working IF your income is on the smaller side. The amount is different depending on your income, rent, city you live in etc. It's always about 80% of your rent though.
Then there's 'Opintolaina' (student loan), which is 400€/month for the months you are in school. You can get the whole amount of one semester at one time if you wish so. The goverment backs up these loans and you get 30% of it 'forgiven' if you graduate on time. So not really a bad deal if you are studying something that will employ you.
'Työttömyysraha' (unemployed benefits) is different from 'Toimeentulotuki' (benefits). You get työttömyysraha if you're not working but have an education. If you are under 25 years old and without education, you are not qualified to receive it. There's also million things that effect on the amount and if you can get it.
Toimeentuloki is meant for people who have no other income or money. It's the very last resort. So sure, you need to burn through your savings before getting it because it's for people who have nothing else.
So for example I get 336€ of studying financial aid, 201€ of students living financial aid and I'm also using student loan 300€/month. That gives me 937€ and after my rent I'm left with 460€. And I do not work because that amount is more than enough to live on. Also it's good to know that students get the least amount of money of all. If you live on benefits you get waaaay more.
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This is correct. I make twice what he does, but rents too damn high. The good news is that his company is taking a look since it seems like bad office politics.
>realtor wants 2x rent>nothing in lease stipulates fees for termination>bitchplease.jpg
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>move to a small city to avoid terror attacks
>Suicide bombing an hour ago in a bus
Well this is like the 30th one this year, think I'm getting used to this.>>172215
Don't come, civil war soon.
Just want to vent about my job. Spoiler alert: I work at a call center.
My manager organized a gift exchange for Christmas. I got this neurotic fucking bitch that I really don't care to associate with. She strikes me as a typical ambitious sociopath who's always talking a big game about her 'drive' but is fucking tone deaf to customers and is way too into herself to ever be given a position of power. She's one of those people who thought when she was hired in my group she'd be a manager in months lol. Whenever I talk to her I know she's not actually listening/caring about what I have to say, but is just waiting for the opportune moment to interject to talk about herself. Most of the time she says nothing to me at all. For example, when I walk past her in the halls I say hello and smile but she stares at me blankly and says nothing back. Only ever talks when she wants to intimidate me into giving her my hours. It's really grating, because she so obviously considers me a non-person. She also blinks both eyes like five times in 20-30 seconds when you're having a one-on-one discussion with her.
Anyway, getting back to the exchange deets: her request was gift cards. So I got her a $20 giftcard to Starbucks and put it in a little box. Our manager told us to hand over the gifts whenever (with the deadline being yesterday), but this has resulted in some people getting grinched (like me). I was scheduled in a business meeting/potluck with neurotic girl yesterday so I thought why not give it to her then?
For the potluck I made homemade honeybutter and bought fresh croissants and blueberry muffins. People complimented the honeybutter. Everyone else brought ham, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and green beans. Know what neurotic girl brought? An unheated Stouffer's lasagna. Because she thought that would seriously one-up the other entrees, except for the fact that the microwave to heat that disgusting lasagna was all the way on the other side of the building! After she told everyone her lasagna would be "handmade."
I handed her the box and said "Merry Christmas!", which she proceeded to stuff in her purse while she wrangled out her frozen lasagna from the box. I guess she already knew she got free money and didn't care to open it then out of courtesy. My manager saw this and gave me a look like "Wow, that was bad taste." Being the nice soul our m anager is, she gave us all small candles with our initials printed on them. We all thanked her, but neurotic girl being the kiss ass that she is made a super huge deal. "AWWW U PRINTED OUR NAMES ON THE CANDLES! THANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS IS AWESOME."
Manager looks the neurotic girl right in the face and says "You're welcome. Now did you open anon's present?"
So neurotic girl realizes she's socially cornered and says, "Haha oh I already did! See?" She opens the box, but doesn't realize I left the card inside the envelope which she also didn't open. Dumb broad probably couldn't even guess what dollar amount I put on it, but I wish I had only given her 10 and not 20. She didn't deserve it, and I needed the money. I'm a bit salty.
I don't know who I was supposed to get a gift from. My manager could tell us but I don't want to make it seem like I have a vendetta over someone not giving me a gift, bc while it sucks I honestly don't care enough to make myself seem greedy in that way. Next time my manager has a one-on-one with me I'll just nonchalantly say "I never got a gift from the exchange actually." She really likes me, so I'd reckon whoever forgot or willfully didn't get me one would get side eyed by her.
No idea what neurotic bitch got someone else or who she got. At that she wouldn't talk about the person she got the gift for, but just what lengths she went to to get the gift. She turns anything into a story centered about herself.
>>172375>They're like a retarded child you need to monitor, maintain and feed constantly
In what world is this true? Dogs are fine to just chill in the yard or house as long as you go outside with them sometimes, feed them daily and walk them sometimes (if it's a bigger breed, littler dogs don't need it as much).
Sounds like you hate shitty owners more than dogs, I fucking hate people that are inconsiderate when driving and drive shitty old cars that stink up the whole street, but I don't go on about how cars are the worst thing ever.
Who the fuck ties up their dog? You mean having it on a leash?
The only dogs I see off their leash are ones that escape their yards, unless you're on a dog beach or something, they're always walked with a leash.
You're sperging out about something that barely ever happens.
Butthurt dog owners can't even hear some truth.
I like dogs and find them cute but they are a hassle. And yes, they are smelly. Even more than cats because cats can groom themselves.
No, it really doesn't.
And I very rarely see anyone who walks their dog without a leash, it's not safe for the dog.
The very few I do are old dogs that just follow their owner and don't hassle anyone at all anyway.
And I really doubt the world would be better without dogs considering how many vital roles they fill in security, law enforcement, the military, medicine, all sorts of shit.>>172392
You don't honestly expect anyone to think you're not samefagging do you?
And yes, owning pets comes with certain responsibilities. Dogs don't smell if you fulfill these responsibilities, one of which is washing them.
I'll never understand how some people can have such an irrational anger about dogs, let alone when they're actually just bitching about inconsiderate people.
>>172375>They're like a retarded child you need to monitor, maintain and feed constantly.
man you just described my cat. bitches constantly for food and tries to eat my hair ties. my dog just stays curled up in a blanket and doesn't try any stupid shit because she's not a dumbass.
cats dont give a fuck about what you want them to do. you probably live in a ghetto full of irresponsible dog owners, anon.
I have a bit of a thing for collecting food so that I never run out (even though I've never been in a situation where it would). I take my time eating it so that I can savour it, but sometimes I end up having to throw things away.
There's been some things happening these past few months that stressed me out really badly, and because of it my food collection.. got bad.
A month ago, my friend gave me some leftovers from when we had dinner together.
Two months ago, I opened a cute bottle of juice.
There was also unopened rice pudding, cake, apple curd…
And it was all in my room, and I somehow couldn't bring myself to throw it away.
I binned the juice last week, after I heard it fizzing in the night… It wasn't a fizzy drink.
Same with the apple curd.
Today I finally cleaned my room, and there is no gross food here anymore. But those leftovers had turned dark green all over. Luckily they were in a tupperware box that I just threw away too.
I don't know where I'm going with this, but I've just been realising how bad that really was… and breathing all that bad air in at night when I'd come home, just too stressed with other things and avoiding the mould like I avoid my problems.. fuck. I'm so disappointed in myself.
Should I talk to a counsellor?
I need to find a way to fix the problems. Hiding and hoarding food for months isn't the way.
Don't worry about being gross. Well done for chucking it all out.
Food hoarding can come about for all sorts of reasons - it doesn't necessarily have to be caused by a situation involving food, like near starvation. Kids that had to take care of their own needs and grow up too fast can show signs of food hoarding. Issues with trust, anxiety and lack of control can cause it too. Is there anything like that in your life? Were the things that stressed you out similar to that? It could also be a symptom of an underlying ED or something like OCD.
Speak to a counsellor. They'll be able to get to the root of it and help you cope.
Thank you, I will definitely get in touch with a counsellor.
Non-perishable food sounds like a good idea! That way I wouldn't have to keep looking for more. >>172459
What you said explains a lot actually… come to think of it, I've been scared to throw things away all my life. I'd been given very little control and choice over things in childhood, and my situation right now is also about something that I can't control. However much I try to change it, it doesn't work. I feel powerless.
Collecting food gives me so much choice to do whatever I want with. No one can take it from me, it doesn't emotionally blackmail me, it's just food. It gives me comfort and security, control and choice.
Thank you, anon, and other anons. What you said was very kind and helpful. I'll see a counsellor as soon as possible.
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I wish math came easily to me. I failed Geometry three times for not doing any homework and I finally got it down in summer school of all places.
I had dreams of becoming an engineer but that's hilarious, Math and Science are my most difficult studies.
Liking Math is probably one of the best things to like. A lot of high paying positions require it.
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Recently caught up with good friend, she tells me she's studying to be an animator and going to transfer to an art school soon
>excited for her, take the chance to look at her recent art/sketchbook to see how far she's come
>mfw she still draws generic animu
>mfw she hasn't improved at all
I want to give her some honest critique and advice but I'm afraid she'll take it the wrong way
>>172507>I don't want to be a front-page exhibit on /snow/ in a few years
secret fear of mine. Which is paranoid because I don't have any personal profiles.
And my honest opinion, if you don't feel like you want antidepressants now you don't have to take them. But from personal experience, they are making me feel slightly better, and that slightly better is good enough for me right now.
Any psych that says "You're having a chemical imbalance" is an idiot, she has no way of actually telling if you do or not. She could say therapy's not effective and that medications could help you with it, but saying it outright is a chemical imbalance is drug peddling bullshit. We don't even know what the baseline of those chemicals should be, let alone being able to confidently say "An imbalance in this particular chemical is what's causing your issues"
If you feel like there's a particular thing that's contributing to you feeling depressed, or a certain thought pattern that keeps coming around in your head, work on treating that in therapy before you jump on medication, because if you aren't already doing therapy and pushing yourself to at least walk a bit every day (I can link a study about the effectiveness of this if you're interested), then you shouldn't go to medication yet, because not only are you not necessarily in need of it, but you won't get the best results from it. Medication is generally supposed to be used alongside therapy, it's not happy pills.
I've never seen anyone on /snow/ who was just a mentally ill person being mentally ill, either, the few threads like that tend to just be full of people saying this isn't interesting and the OP's a shitty person for making fun of someone who's just struggling.
>>172512>Any psych that says "You're having a chemical imbalance" is an idiot, she has no way of actually telling if you do or not. She could say therapy's not effective and that medications could help you with it, but saying it outright is a chemical imbalance is drug peddling bullshit. We don't even know what the baseline of those chemicals should be, let alone being able to confidently say "An imbalance in this particular chemical is what's causing your issues"
I don't remember exactly what she said. She just brought it up during a session when I just unloaded by anger I was feeling.
I'm still feeling it now. I've been wrenching my hands together to the point where my tendons hurt. I tried playing a video game, but that just made it worse. I'm here desperately trying to think of other things to keep my mind off of it.
>If you feel like there's a particular thing that's contributing to you feeling depressed, or a certain thought pattern that keeps coming around in your head, work on treating that in therapy before you jump on medication, because if you aren't already doing therapy and pushing yourself to at least walk a bit every day (I can link a study about the effectiveness of this if you're interested), then you shouldn't go to medication yet, because not only are you not necessarily in need of it, but you won't get the best results from it. Medication is generally supposed to be used alongside therapy, it's not happy pills.
That's a very good suggestion. Thank you.
It's possible its chemical imbalance,mouth it's stupid as fuck of any doctor to declare that you hav organic depression without first exploring your moods and history, any trauma, or any of that stuff.
Get a second opinion if you can, and I'd recommend looking for a gp who's worked well with people experiencing depressive episodes as well as a general counsellor.
It's a fuckin awful way to live and I hope you do seek out some help and get it. Good on you for doing something about it now though anon. It's not easy to admit to for everyone and a lot of people feel like they aren't 'depressed enough' to warrant help. Early intervention is excellent, and you're awesome for seeking it.
I think it's pretty easily avoidable to not be posted here altogether granted you don't post everything about yourself to social media to begin with. I think in my teen years and early 20s (15-21) I shared many lolcow tendencies with the cows we love today. However, even back then my Myspace was largely private and for the most part I only ever talked to people I knew. The riskiest thing I ever did was sign up for Stickam, but we know how that website went down–probably for the better.
And for that reason I already put people like you and others at a level above typical cows because at least you're not that
stupid. It's pretty hard for online strangers to talk about you forever if you're not producing content for milking.
I can understand why it would be hard for you to cope with, but remember that it's going to be hard for him too.
He can likely never have a biological child, no matter what. You can, there's plenty of options even if you stay with him.
That's going to be a huge struggle for him on its own, let alone knowing how much it's going to hurt you to find out, so I think him keeping it to himself for a while makes sense.
That being said, look into adoption if you can (I get standards are high, but check it out still), or there's always options for people considered infertile that make it more possible to conceive, or there's sperm banks if it comes to that, though he might not want to do that.
You should really chill out though, it's not a complete "Sorry it's never going to happen" thing at all in the vast vast majority of cases.
I can understand that, and it would seem overwhelming at this point, it's a big thing to deal with for anyone, and you definitely both need to support each other.
I'd say letting him know that you won't let it get between you two would be important, and yeah, just be there for him. It's just as bad for him as it is you, except he's also going to feel like less of a man as a result of it, which can be really devastating to someone.
Apart from that though, remember infertility isn't an absolutely no chance it'll happen thing. It's generally just doctors saying "odds are it won't happen", you meet a certain threshold to be able to be infertile, same as blind people usually can see at least something, it's not just pure darkness to them, and a lot of paraplegics have some very minor ability to move the region.
It's definitely worth talking to a fertility specialist when you guys would otherwise be ready to have kids, because I'm not a doctor, I don't know all of the potential solutions, let alone what could be newer options. Talk to a specialist after you guys are coping a bit better with the concept and are able to look at other options.
Good luck anon, this sort of stuff can be devastating for both partners, I wish the best for you two.
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Not sure if I'm a weeb but I watch anime yeah.
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> Overworked this week and will probably have to take work home.
> Parents are coming to see me for Christmas, haven't seen them in 3 years.
> My husband won't help me with any of the Christmas planning even though he's not working this week. I've been doing all the cooking, decorating, and wrapping.
> He wants me to go to this last minute Christmas party at his cousin's place, even though they all ignore me and I always end up all alone in the corner.
> Been trying to conceive for 6 months now but just got my period.
Fuck all this mess. I usually love Christmas but I'm going crazy this year. Can't wait until I get off work for a drink, especially now that I know I'm not pregnant.
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This fucking month sucks.
>Boyfriend breaks up with me to fuck around with other girls
>I still live with him
>Crush wants to hang out with me and hints it and it goes WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over my head
>Best friend tries to guilt me into dating him
>My friend/coworker commits suicide
>Everyone is mad at me because I just want space and I'm ignoring them
>Crush is also best friends with our coworker and I'm way to scared to message him about it because he left me on seen for a few days and I really don't want to make him sad.
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>My nose is big as fuck and I haven't noticed until last year, now I'm obsessing over plastic surgery and it's all I think about, I can't stop looking at it and looking at other people's noses
>Can hardly take pictures of myself without wanting to commit suicide
>Horrible skin problems (acne, eczema) and my foundation never seems to be good enough
>My first real boyfriend treats me like shit and stresses me out, also wants to have sex when I'm not ready, but I feel like if I don't have sex with him he won't stick around long enough
>But I also have severe OCD problems and being in the same room as seminal fluids makes me believe I am pregnant
>Trying to balance hanging out with bf so he doesn't think I'm neglecting him while also trying to raise the puppy that I've always wanted
>Dad is dead
>Brother molested me as a child and now wants back into my life
>My entire dad's side of the family abandoned me when I was 5 because they think I lied about my brother molesting me
>He is an ugly, creepy, literal skinhead
>I'm mentally ill and socially awkward but I can't neglect my priorities
>No access to my savings until April
>Make a complete fool of myself on the internet, realize how idiotic I make myself out to be so I deleted all of my social media, losing all of my internet friends (my only friends) in the process
>Stress eat and think about food a lot, I'm worried I'll get fat eventually
>I use lolcow and cgl, and follow internet drama to ignore the hatred I have for myself
>Used to be a very talented artist, but I got depressed, now I can't draw anymore
I just want to be happy. All I do is play CSGO all day and take care of my dog. And I'm not even good at that.
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>car less than year old gets totaled
>heater and fridge decide to stop working
>internet now wants to turn on and off
Has anyone had someone do a 180?
There was this guy I fell super hard for. He's cute, tall, artistic, smart, funny and shares similar music tastes with me. We also had really good conversations about anything and we would help each other out.
When my friend committed suicide, he said that he will always be there for me… and that stuck with me.
I, however did tell him I liked him a lot at an inopportune time, when I had broken up with my most recent ex. He told me he felt shitty when i told him this and I agree that I didn't time it right – but that shouldn't have changed who he was?
Last month, he told me he liked me a lot and wanted to try some kind of relationship, just not a serious one. I was fine with that and said we should talk about it irl when he came back from a study term abroad.
Fast forward to now, I don't know what the fuck happened to the sweet guy I used to know. He's become incredibly self-absorbed and selfish. Not like the guy I fell hard for.
I've been trying my damn best to be a nice person, asking him how he is and stuff like that, anything that a friend would do. He hasn't asked me how I am in a long time.
He's just being such a fucking edgelord, saying how he doesn't give a fuck about anything, which is bullshit. Why would someone who doesn't give a shit about anything try to plan "a nice trip together", tell me they like me, or like my super personal post on instagram about the above friend? I just don't get it.
On top of that, it just feels shitty when someone expects the love and care in a friendship without giving any of it back. Instead he takes and takes and takes, and tells me that I think about friendship and relationships as a time vs investment equation? I don't have to put up with your shit if I think you're a shitty friend. He doesn't even KNOW how to be a friend, like asking how they are. Or apologizing when they've been shitty.
I don't know how or why he turned out this way… Do his friends not fucking call him out on his shit, or are they just as shitty as me?
I'm just devastated because the qualitied he had made him an ideal boy (inb4 DONT PUT BOYS ON PEDESTAL – yeah I know) but he turned out to be a cockroach. I want the old him back.
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I can't find the Uni thread so I'll just bitch here instead.
>have to take psychology class with online assignments
>professor ends physical class a week early, doesn't tell us why
>tells us in class and by email that there is one chapter left online
>the online lessons in the chapter are not due until December 23rd and 24th
>I know this because I logged in at the beginning of this week to look at the chapters
>logged in today after it had a few hours of maintenance, assignments are closed
>checked their due dates and they were changed from December to November 23rd and 30th
>my grade for the online assignments has dropped from being in the nineties to the eighties
And according to the school website today is the day for final grade submissions by staff.
What the fuck, Prof.
Bruh. you need to take a year out of studying. you're probably sick all the time because you're stressed and depressed. you sound almost exactly like me before i dropped everything and checked myself into the psych ward.
you can't carry on like this, you know this is no way to live and you don't need a therapist to tell you that. tell your parents and boyfriend how honestly horrible your life is right now, and don't let them guilt trip you. you're suffering and it needs to stop.
Are all the salons totally incompetent or what?
Maybe learn to diy if you can't find a stylist who isn't a retard with a pair of safety scissors like most hairdressers are.
i know. i don't talk to him frequently because he's a pathological liar. it's somehow a fucking feat for him to pay my phone bill and my brother's but he can somehow always be able to light one up during a phone call. if he can afford all that weed, he should be able to afford a damn phone bill. we gave up on child support payments from him years ago. this is the only thing he pays and even that's difficult for him.
aside from that rant, my mother says the questions they ask you when you're checking your credit score is so that they can assure your identity. if that's the case, i'm a fucking idiot. what caused my rant is that he was asking for my SSN to get some sort of monthly stipend since i didn't go to college in the state he served in for the GI Bill. i don't really believe that because he mentioned how he'd get a boost in his disability paycheck. it was never about me, it was about him getting more money for more weed and whatever else he fucking buys instead of helping out my mom or me with my tuition!! on that note
i need a job but i have anaphylaxis like a motherfucker. can't work in the food industry because i'll die, can't work outside because i'll die, and then a desk job could kill me because my main allergy is to some common mold! you know, i ate an apple and had an allergic reaction some months back. haven't eaten apples since. i can't eat shit without my itching and breaking out in hives, or having the food go right through me. i applied for jobs on campus, one specifically i knew we needed, and still no word. i live on campus but it seems i'll have to find work off campus because they're too damn competitive. damn.
Teacher here - depending on your country you can be subsidised 100% for epi pens. I have a little tard with the same problems as you. Fucking grass can kill the little cunt. Regardless I have 3 epi pens in my class med kit and carry one on me at all times. His little bum bag has one too.
You'll be right. :)
I never give the little suckers my phone. Some girl who's kid I said no to about it once got mad at me for 'being mean to him' and I just pointed out that I paid just over a thousand dollars for the damn thing and not for it to get smashed when it inevitably slips out of her kids grubby little hands.
It is cute how blown away kids can get when you're reasonably good at a video game they can't manage yet.
i'm in the US. it's especially difficult because i don't have health insurance, and i'm broke, so i had to cancel the appointment i made because i didn't have $30 for a walk in lmao. I was gonna make them my healthcare provider because they're great; a walk in is as low as $30, and i might get a bigger discount because i'm a student and all. i don't know, this is all new to me, and very stressful.
my mother works in the medical scene although she's in management now. she's got epinephrine vials and syringes. she says that that's what i'll be carrying if acquiring another epi pen isn't an option in the future. so far, we've been getting them after nearly every allergic reaction because it's mandatory i think, and my mother gets some from her work.
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it's just not worth it, imo
they never do
Fam I promise you that you're not 'not depressed enough' to be trying meds if they can improve your quality of life.
Feeling suicidal isn't a minor thing despite how common it is. You deserve to get support in dealing with having such a low mood and to be able to feel good about things again.
It may take some experimenting with the doctors to find what works for you. Some therapy might be worth looking into as well to help give you the tools to manage the depressed moods as well as help you build up life skills and general adulty shit.
CBT is useful for loads of things, DBT is great if you struggle with emotional lability, and gestalt counselling can be good if you just need to talk it out.
Take care, and try to remember you deserve the same support as anyone else.
Damn anon, I'm the exact same, and i could've written your post myself, were even the same age. Wishing you luck.
Sometimes those meds take a couple weeks to kick in so don't give up yet. Im in the same boat, struggling and feeling shitty.
Anon you replied to here. I want to get angry and argue with you, but literally an hour after making that post I started talking to the friend online to distract myself from thinking about it all and he just drunkenly ranted at me about how nobody cares about the injustices of the world enough. I had to excuse myself because I couldn't take it, I just wanted a nice comfy distraction chat and instead he was making me feel like a bad person. I was so tempted to send him a cap of my post just to make him stop but I didn't want to ruin his Christmas with such a depressing thing but would it have been to hard to drop his rant to talk to me about why I was sad? Maybe girls are just as rubbish at reading friends but I don't remember. I Literally cried myself to sleep.
I hate Christmas.
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I'm probably gonna get called a retard but I can't get into books and I'm pretty sure it's partly because of fanfiction. I want good prose and characters I'm attached to. Long novels sacrifice the former; while short stories sacrifice the latter.
What genres do you like?
What themes are you looking for?
Do you want pulp or literature?
Will you read a 900+ pages or do you want something just a little more substantial than a novella?
Honestly other than trying things that seem interesting idk what else there is to do. There's book recommendations everywhere, winner and contender lists for all sorts of literary awards, thousands of forums about books, book clubs, your local librarian. You just look and read the thing. You'll spend forever looking for the one book that seems to suit you perfectly and miss a hundred other ones that were better. Just read and stop reading if it's shitty. Rinse and repeat.
>>173694>What genres do you like?
I'm gonna be blunt. Genre fiction is not my cup of tea. This question is what made me wary of recommendations. I've also tried the whole 'answer some questions' thing before with http://www.openingthebook.com/whichbook/
and it didn't work very well.
I'm looking for:>around or just above YA reading level>focus on character chemistry and not lore/worldbuilding
In all honesty I'm simply hoping original fiction would scratch that itch I get from withdrawal symptoms of reading those elusive good
fanfics. So something with a similar writing style to fanfiction. There I said it.
Wow… that's really rude and judgy of you…
I can see this being awkward af (he could have gave you recs in his own words) but maybe he took time to find reddit links that he agress with? Don't shot him down just because of that.
Dude, story of my life. As a teen I developed waaay idealized notions of what love is like and it took me a long time to unravel that.
The writing really can be top-quality. I couldn't stand the bnfs like Aja but I had to admit her fic was good.
With that attitude you'll never find a book you might like. You also sound kinda dumb saying "genre fiction is not my cup of tea", as all fiction falls in some kinda genre. Not entirely sure what you're looking for but contemporary fiction are usually less focused on time/place.https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/human-interactions
Can't vouch, but it'll be a start I guess. Knowing what kinds of books you like and how to find them are things that come with time and patience, and reading a whole lot of books. >>173703
if you just casually asked for some book reccs, usually what happens is the person will tell you a bit about it and if you actually are interested in the book, reddit links are more acceptable. not only that but spamming links from the outset makes you seem boring (need others to speak for you). OP asked as a conversation starter and this dude basically responded with "you're better off reading reddit than talking to me".
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My birthday was on the 19th and it was the first time in 8 years that I've received a gift and it was a birthday cake from my father. I was really surprised to get anything at all so I was extremely happy.
My parents are separated so I live with my mother who ignores me like I don't even exist and when I am noticed, she abuses me. She talks down to me and acts as if I'm garbage and all she cares about is her "boyfriends". The day after I receive the cake, I look inside of the fridge and it's gone. I asked my mother what happened to it and she tells me she took the entire cake to her job for her coworkers to eat. Rude!
I feel like utter shit over it and frankly ridiculous being bothered so much by a cake.
I guess it's a little deeper, though. Everyone at work talks about what they got for Christmas and about family gatherings and I don't have any of that but the chance I did get a gift, it was taken from me right by my own parent. While everyone was talking about Christmas, all I could think about was how I didn't get anything for neither my birthday OR Christmas and how I have to deal with my shitty deadbeat mother. It made me feel like such an oddball due to my upbringing and uncontrollable things in my life.
I'm sorry about your shitty b-day and holiday. If you've got terrible family, use the holidays for time off for yourself. I know the media is blasting family time, but some people you need to ghost from your life, blood or not.
P.S.: My b-day was on the 19th too! Happy belated Birthday and belated Christmas. It's not too late to treat yourself for New Years, even if it's just getting out of the house away from your mom.
What an absolute cunt to steal her own child's birthday cake after also ignoring her own goddamn child's birthday. Holy shit anon I am so fucking sorry you're living that mess you deserve so much better.
I'd bake you a replacement cake if I could.
I know it's probably not much but happy birthday, merry Christmas, and a happy new year to you. I hope you can get away from your egg donor soon and find the respect and love you deserve
Yeah, pretty sure you didn't understand what I'm trying to say.
>"genre fiction is not my cup of tea", as all fiction falls in some kinda genre.
Well no shit. Did you at least google what 'genre fiction' means?
I don't want the selling point to be the genre and I don't want genre conventions driving the story instead of the characters, that's all. Whatever genre a book's in I couldn't care less, and recommendations involving this question tend to give this kind of book. This is why I'm wary of it.>>173706
I didn't say I want YA. I said I want I want something around the reading level
of an average YA book.
Same anon here, being blunt, it seems as though he's not interested in your needs and isn't emotionally invested. That doesn't mean I'm anywhere near right he could be really considerate and loving and all that as well.
What you said about having a job and no longer using drugs, no longer being homeless, all of that indicates that you've changed and grown a lot over the last out years and by all means changed for the better. IMO right now it seems that you'd be better off working on yourself and finding a way to learn that you deserve to have someone who is just as interested in what you did today, what your goals and ideas are, and what you need to continue making these positive changes as he is interested in what's between your legs.
The years spent with him aren't wasted years anon. You grew and changed and learned and no doubt had some good times with him. You just might have outgrown each other now. It's okay when that happens. It's okay if you stay with him or leave him as long as the choice is yours and is made in your own best interests.
I really need some advice guys.
I've been in uni for about 2 years now, in our friend group there is this one guy who never comes in with some weird excuse "my car broke down", "hungover","trains were not working in my area" etc
Every month or so myself and one of my friends from the group get a 1000 word (no kidding) inbox from this guy who stays off all the time. He basically says hes sorry for not coming in, he misses us, he's been drinking a lot, and some family issues. We both inbox him back basically saying we're here for him 100% we will help him with the uni work and guide him as much as we can.
He never reads those inbox's until he's ready to send us another 1000 about a month later. He's online all the time, commenting on things, liking things he just refuses to reply to us.
We both got a bit sick of this so we tried to distance ourselves from him and we still got these inboxes, with us replying, no reply etc etc.
My friend who also gets these messages had his father pass away in the summer, and this guy keeps bringing it up saying he know how it feels his father passed away when he was 2 years old etc. It pissed my friend off so much he ended up blocking him because having your father pass away when you're in your 20s in an awful lot more traumatic than when you are 2 years old and he got so sick of him bringing it up and not replying to any of the help he's given.
I found a video his was live commenting on facebook and commented back saying "inbox me back, right now" since earlier that day he sent me another 1000 word woe is me inbox with no reply. He inboxed me back within seconds this time and I told him we needed to talk, we agreed to talk it out on discord. He said he will brb in 2 mins he's just finishing his food.
we waited 4 fucking hours for him to show up, while he was online on facebook ignoring my inboxes once again.
I would have told him to fuck off by now but this guy is suicidal and his Mother was sick in the hospital, along with his drinking problems and possible drug abuse issues.
I got another inbox on Christmas day, 5am. He said his Mother has passed away and he had no one, I inboxed him back but I couldn't say i was there for him 100% anymore because he only talks to me and my other friend when he needs to rant about his life and how sorry he is and then point blank ignores me. I told him he has got 1 more chance to reach out to me and after that im done and he's blocked.
This guy is an amazing friend irl and we have so many laughs and good times when he comes in, he has so many issues going on i want to be there for him as much as i can but I've been pushed to my end.
Any advice would help me massively, i have no idea what to say to this guy anymore.
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My sister keeps needing me to loan her money. It's impossible for me to keep doing this without crippling my finances, but I don't know how to refuse either. The worst part is that she doesn't seem to make any attempts to save money for herself. She keeps getting in trouble because of her luxurious lifestyle, while expecting me to bail her out.
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I've got my navel pierced more than 6 months ago. It was healing well and now in the last few days an ugly ass dark bump appeared next to the upper hole. I'm praying that it's not a keloid scar because they suck.
I have to wait until January to see my piercer because I work a 7-3 job.
Apperantly warm tea bags can help so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
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>Accidentally mention my tumblr blog in a conversation
>My sister "Oh you have one too? Mine is blahblahblah we should follow each other"
>I check hers out
>It's just her complaining about how she hates middle-class/white/straight people despite the fact that she's all of those things
So much secondhand embarrassment lol
i agree with other anon. it really comes down to is the fun times with him worth being used. it seems like he is used to being coddled whenever he needs it without regard to other peoples needs. the answer is really simple, either keep doing everything he wants, or give him the ultimatum of get professional help because youre not going to be the thing that turns him around.
even though you say that his problems arent yours, youre still clinging to them. is it really that nice to make someone so fucking stressed out all the time?
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13 year old brother was left home alone with me all day yesterday while my mom worked. i slept the whole time so this was the first time he was left practically by himself for so many hours. apparently had nothing better to do than mess with my tablet pen and now i woke up to find it COMPLETELY destroyed. the pen itself costs $100. woke the whole house in a rage at 1AM and he denied even touching it.
a set of brand new pencils I bought for $40 also went missing about a month ago. i took such care of them that i hadn't even used them yet. literally looked in every single corner of the house and they're not here. suspect he took them to school by accident and doesn't want to admit it.
i ordered something online and the package got misplaced by the retarded mail carrier who apparently put it in the wrong mail box. it was uninsured so i can't file a claim. now i have to buy it all over again and pay extra for a mandatory signature.
and all of this while me being a financial hole.
That makes sense anon. I'm tempted to speak to the uni about it since he very rarely comes in. I think of the 3 month semester he's been in 4 times all together. I just don't want to intrude too much, although the uni will have to guide him in the right direction if I bring it up to them.
It's hard to not cling to this guy incase he really does have no one else which is why i was struggling. I'd hate to leave anyone completely alone and depressed but at this point i think its the right thing to do.
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I've been dating this guy for almost a year now. It started out really nice and sweet, but lately our relationship has been deteriorating and I really have no idea how to proceed from here. Our sexual drives are just so different (I'm not ready for 'actual sex' anytime soon, he knows), and all he ever wants whenever I go over to his place is to stick his dick in my mouth and release even though he knows that I fucking hate it. He then proceeds to nap or cuddle for a few hours or ignore me for the internet. That was all we did for our first Christmas together, and we didn't even really talk that day before I had to leave. Am I at fault for not satisfying his needs?
He hardly ever surprises me with anything either, and all our dates are just walking around the same places, or meeting up with his friends mid-date and chatting with them while I fifth-wheel. He ignores me for his phone most of the time during meals too. Idk but it makes me feel like I'm not worth any effort at all…
Granted, we're both each others' first relationships, he's serving the army now, and we're both extremely inexperienced. Should I just deal with it? I've opened up to him about this before and he says he realizes that he's been a real cunt but that's how he is all the time, all talk and no action. He's honestly really sweet when he does pay attention to me and I really do love him, but it hurts when I think about how I'm treated too.
I wish I were brave enough for that anon. Breaking up is honestly the last thing I want to do since I don't want to give him extra grief while he's doing his mandatory military service, and he hasn't exactly crossed a line yet. He says he's willing to wait but it feels like he thinks with his dick way too often whenever he gets an erection and I end up having to get him off every time it happens. I don't really blame him for that because, well. Men.
I've been trying to convince myself that it's because he doesn't have any experience dating and thinks that girls are as simple as his bros. Do you think he'll change if I stress how important this is to me? Maybe I'm just a fool for having too much hope, but thank you anon.
Your inexperience is making you foolish. You've gone so long allowing him to treat you like shit that he probably won't change unless something dramatic happens to make him realize if he actually cares about you.
Sit him down and have a heartfelt talk about it. Tell him what you want from him and ask him what he wants from you, where is the relationship going? Maybe take a break from it to figure yourselves out. Part of gaining experience is making difficult decisions. The fact that you've already started rationalizing his shitty behavior might set a tone for your future relationships. Good luck anon.
I don't think he'll change anon but if you're going to give him a second chance, set a date for a cut off point. Don't keep deluding yourself with hope forever. >whenever he gets an erection and I end up having to get him off every time it happens. I don't really blame him for that because, well. Men.
Yeah that's not actually a "lol men" thing, it's a dickhead thing. Tell him to go wank in the shower, it's not ypu responsibility. Maybe I'm projecting but I did the same thing for my first boyfriend too because "it's not like it's much effort and I love him" but actually, after I started seeing someone who wasn't an entitled horndog and respected my boundaries, I found that I suddenly had a sex drive. >>174160
see a doc or derma again with these new findings? Could be something to do with products or even water itself. Maybe even start a written diary of every variable and how your skin ia that week.
I had a similar thing happen to me.
I've had really bad acne and my lack of selfcontrol caused me to pick on it until it basically became a wound, yuck.I used to "wash" (basically just rinse it with water) 4+ times per day because it was oily. I've stopped doing that and only washed it once/twice per day and put on moisturizer. My skin is now doing 95% better.
Could be. It just sucks being brainwashed into believing that if a person has acne it's because they're washing too little and covering their face with bacon grease. It's too bad because I think I was given a lot of shoddy advice up until the past few years about skincare.>>174168
Oh gosh, were you a picker too anon? I think another reason why I'm not breaking out is because I'm picking less and not touching my face.
When I wash my face often I tend to notice a lot of clogged areas because I'm looking into a mirror and really focusing. It drives me crazy. It gets so bad that I could spend an hour easy just squeezing out sebum/keratin strands and squashing pimples. It's so satisfying, it's like heroin. But I haven't done it recently because I've just stopped giving a fuck. Who knows, maybe I'll become a bit less oily once my body readjusts.
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why am i such a clingy, possessive friend?
i can recognize that my feelings are unhealthy and bothersome, but i don't know how to fight against it. how am i supposed to seem interested in my friends without being so extra about it?
I guess I'll vent here a little? It's really insignificant compared to a bunch of the posts ITT but I guess I want to whine about this event.
I was into this one game 5 years ago or so. I joined a chat that consisted of some players of that game and I was REALLY awkward. I mean, I was so bratty and annoying that I made others feel second-hand embarrassment for me (I was going through my weeb phase back then, I'm so sorry). However, I got familiar with the people there and I grew (quite fast) out of my weeb phase and started getting along really well with a bunch of users. Especially to this one dude. Totally platonic, before you assume stuff.
Two summers ago, because of some technical reasons I couldn't access the chat for a while. So I wrote a message on his wall about this and left it at that.
I came back a few weeks later and he was really active and all, kept talking to everyone and I tried to send him a message to catch up on stuff. He ignored me, saying that he was busy with some school work. Oh well.
Then he kinda stopped talking to me altogether.
Ok? I mean, you do you, dude.
I tried to talk to him about it but he just wouldn't understand, he kept blaming his silence on school work or other stuff he had to do while always being active and online 24/7.
So I took a break. Like, long break. It might sound like I abandoned everything because he wasn't talking to me but actually, the game became so unpopular that no one logged on the chat anymore so he was literally the last person I was talking to on that chat. We were like 3 people frequenting the chat at the time: me, this person and another person whom I deeply hate because they're the walking, breathing, blinking… the EMBODIMENT of the word edgy. And if he's not talking to me anymore then I might as well just leave? I came back a year later and all he had to tell me was that he found my facebook account. Like, I'm being dead serious when I'm saying that he didn't even say hi, he just asked me if my name was X. That was the first time this whole thing pissed me off. Up until that moment, I felt so… meh about it. I didn't really care about the fact that we became distant to each other because that year went so well for me as I had time to focus on my irl friends and exams. But this. This shit pissed me off.
I was going REALLY low profile on that chat, only using my pen name, the only thing that I actually leaked about myself being my home country back in my weeb phase.
But yeah, my facebook account was open at the time and while I have no photos of myself, I still had a looot of cringy shit from 4 or so years ago.
He was like 25 or something like that and he was doing all sorts of petty or immature shit.
If, by any chance, he'll ever read this: FUCK you and I found your facebook profile too, dumbass.
I got a comedone extractor so at least if I want to pop or pick at a pimple/blackheads on my face, I'm not introducing as much bacteria via my fingers. Just be sure to sanitize the tool often. I used to have a lot of scabs but these days I just have a few red spots and maybe a couple pock marks that literally nobody irl notices.
My back and the part of my neck under my hair is riddled with scabs though. I still pick at those. My back and shoulders are the ones that get the dermal cysts the most, and the recurring acne happens on the area where my neck and ears meet. I love picking the scabs on my back but it's done a lot of damage, I'm riddled with discolored spot scars. And I just can't care as closely for my back as well as I did with my face. A-At least I can just cover my back with clothes? Right ;-;
This isn't really venting, but it's something I have to get off my chest anonymously because it's too retarded to say to anyone out loud.
When I was young, say 11-15, I was severely bullied at school so I turned to the internet (which wasn't very popular where I lived at the time, and people mostly thought it was useless). Eventually I got into Runescape and became addicted, I spent several long years on that game. I even made some friends through it. Finally quit cold turkey when I turned 15 because my grades were slipping and I'd stay up and avoid showering so I could play longer.
It's kinda sad but I have only the fondest memories of that game. I made a new OldSchool RS account today and everything was exactly the same, there were lots of players, people were as stupid as ever, everything was just as it used to be. All the updates I witnessed all those years ago were there. I was really scared I'd get hooked again since I've just gone through a really stressful period. Except now I don't live in a little town full of toxic, small-minded busybodies and I've done quite well for myself, and I discovered that I don't really want to play it again. It's boring now.
I'd also been dyeing my hair red a lot after I quit and this year I grew out my natural colour that I hated so much. I found that it suits me just fine.
And that made me think: everything's going so well. I used to cut myself back then, begged my dad to let me die, refused to eat, all sorts of things because some little wankers at school called me a dirty knacker every day and threw rocks and icicles at me. I couldn't even speak normally because there was no-one to talk to, I've always sounded like an old textbook. I'm really glad I listened to him when he told me to wait it out.
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My best friend is getting on my nerves. She started dating a manchild and asked me what I thought about it. I told her I didn't want to say anything about her relationship because I can be pretty harsh sometimes and she was already aware of what I was going to say anyway.
A few days later she asked me again what I thought about her relationship and I said the same thing.
Then, guess what. She asked me a 3rd time. That annoyed me enough to tell her I knew it wouldn't work out because he's immature, they are very different, she's older and way more experienced (she has an ex husband while her bf is a virgin), etc.
I said what I thought in the most delicate way possible.
Then last week she told me I made her cry. Tf. Why? Bitch, you asked me for my opinion even though you knew it'd hurt you, so fuck off. I told her she wouldn't make me feel bad because I knew I hadn't done anything wrong anyway. I said I wouldn't apologize, I'm not the villain here.
She doesn't even like him in the first place. Months ago she told me she'd never be capable of dating him because she didn't feel anything for him. She always dates the first guy who pays attention to her, especially when she feels lonely, and then starts saying how much she likes him. It's a pattern at this point.
She's been acting like a total cunt lately.
Everything I say is received with disdain.
She turned 25 yesterday and I asked if she had the infamous 25 year old crisis (she's a year older than me) and she said no because she's getting everything she's ever wanted in life… Which is a lie because before all this drama she said she was really sad because her life is currently really bad and she's stuck.
I'm kinda hoping for their break up now. I just want to see her feeling shitty at this point, sadly.
Sounds like she's insecure and just doesn't know how or refuses to end the situation because she's scared of being single. Not surprising, a lot of people in their mid 20s feel pressured to settle and think there's something wrong if they're not in an ideal relationship by then.
I can kinda feel for her (I've been dating a manchild for close to three years but the difference is I like him and have seen improvement in other aspects), but she's gotta make a decision. If she's hunting around for validation and reassurance from friends hoping they'll tell her to stay, then it's not a relationship at that point. It's a denial of reality, especially when she refuses the actual truth and acts like you
were the bad guy.
Thanks anons, your views made me realize that I've been rather blind this entire time. I've always assumed this was how relationships went, being inexperienced, and was something I just had to let go and deal with. I've never wanted to come across as materialistic, but thinking of how I've never received anything from him and had never been on a planned date since my birthday 8 months ago sounds a little too unbelievable now that I think of it lol. I'll try to talk it out with him and see how it goes, but I'm more open to breaking up with him if there is still no improvement.>>174164
It was refreshing to hear that you've been through exactly how I feel whenever this happens, I've always thought it would have been selfish of me to not help him as his girlfriend. Now I can't believe he even guilt trips me about not being willing to get him off, saying some bullshit fact that men will get accustomed to jacking off with their hand and can never ejaculate by anything else if they do it themselves too often. He also talks about how his friends are all getting some one way or another, and that they think we're weird for not having done it.
It might sound silly but try looking up effective positive communication skills. We did a formal sort of course on it in class for social work and the skills are applicable to pretty much every conversation ever.
Effective listening, body language, and I feel statements feel ridiculous and fake at first but once it's more natural I found it improved my relationships all around.
It's hard as hell to try to relearn all this sort of stuff after being unwell for ages but it's totally doable. Good luck anon!
He's just trying to guilt trip you into having sex with him. I'm not >>174164
but I've also been in a similar situation. He's just using you to masturbate.
dont ever let anyone guilt you or make you feel bad because you did not have sex or that you end up doing something you arent comfortable with. your dignity and sanity are far more important than anything he can give you.
im in a relationship with a recovering sex addict. he said he loved me and every interaction we had seemed to be us leading into sex. and god forbid that i got drunk around him, that was a green light for all the shit he ever wanted to do. fast forward a few years later. he bawwwed saying that when i would get distant he felt lonely and sex was the way he dealt with it. i was in a bad place, going in and out of IP for reasons and when i'd be gone, he would message chicks saying that his girlfriend was in a dry spell and how unfair that was.
sex is a part of relationships, but it shouldnt be the focus if its not supposed to be booty calls. and sure boners happen, but he can make a bigger effort to not make you uncomfortable. the best thing a partner can do in a relationship is absolutely respect boundaries no matter what. there were times with my boyfriend that i honestly felt like it was rape. i hated having sex with him. the way he spoke to me or handled me because i knew exactly how creepy he was.
honestly the only reason im with him still is sticking through therapy so hopefully later in his life he can teach our daughter that that is not how men act. and that there is no excuse in the world that can justify that.
take care of yourself anon
I'm so sorry about what you went through anon, I hope you'll stay strong regardless. Does your boyfriend know about what you're going through and how you feel? Your situation sounds a lot worse than mine considering how I haven't put out for my boyfriend yet, and I really hope things will get better for you soon.
At this point I'm really conflicted about whether he's really an asshole who's just using me to get off, or just a clueless 20 year old who's surrounded by company who normalizes sexual behavior like that. My circle of friends and family are more conservative when it comes to sex, and it feels like we're worlds apart regarding that.
ahh, he may be young but that is in no way an excuse to be like that. have you told him how uncomfortable it makes you when he treats you like that? high sex drives are normal in some people but for it to be the only thing to focus on is unhealthy. there is more to you than a place for him dick. and imo super shitty of him to make you feel like that.
problems are all relative to the person. i let things progress that far. i knew he was a shady asshole but we had a kid together and i had no self esteem. he knew what i was dealing with but still used it against me which is fucked. having kids really does throw a wrench into things. i want to leave. i hate living together and i dont plan on having sex with him anytime soon. but i feel bad because or daughter really does love us both.
Is jealousy healthy? I seem to get a bit jealous thinking about one particular girl my bf is friends with, and it's completely irrational. The last time I talked to her, she seemed to be perfectly happy with her bf at the time, idk if they're still together, and she has made zero signs that she's even interested in my bf in any nonplatonic way. Plus, my bf seems to have absolutely zero nonplatonic interest in her and seems to adore me quite a lot. My bf is/has been a bit of dweeb so doesn't have a lot of female friends, so I guess the ones that he does have kinda put me on notice.
Maybe I just hate myself. Well, not maybe, I do. I guess I'm just expecting a cooler, nicer, prettier bitch will also notice all his great qualities and steal him away from me some day.
I have told him before that the notion of being intimate too early in the relationship makes me uncomfortable and I'm not entirely down to give my body to him just yet, and his response to that is to pull up some forum where both men and women agree with his mindset that sex is an important part of a relationship and that most of them would have put out within a month or so. He says he's ok with waiting but he's always expecting for me to help him get off every time I go over. It's upsetting me that I can count the number of times with a single hand where we don't start anything sexual whenever we meet up, and I'm only just realizing that.
Anon you should probably get help for yourself too. I have no advice to offer since I'm probably too young and inexperienced, but it doesn't sound healthy for yourself and neither for your daughter. Take care, anon.
Are you the anon asking for YA books and also expecting exceptional prose and character development/interactions?
YA reading level isn't going to have it because YA reading level stuff is simpler. It's never going to have the same level of prose as classical English lit or the kind of in-depth characters you're after. You need to either improve your reading level and find books that will suit your tastes or accept having to trawl through a thousand shitty fanfics to find the one story that fits your particular niche.
clearly he isn't ok with waiting and he is just telling you that to ease your mind. that really is messed up searching around for proof that people should put out asap.
you are helping me. it makes me take a step back and really think about how i have been feeling. i have been so wrapped up in work and stuff that the personal shit takes a backseat.
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I used to be a part of the ""Facebook community"" for the last 2 years until a girl who was extremely popular on there started harassing me until I left the site for good. Pathetic, I know, but I'm a sensitive person who doesn't like confrontation and she started turning people on me who I knew in real life.
I think about all the things she told me, and the way I portrayed myself on Facebook and realize that I made a huge ass out of myself. I was always making jokes, trying to be funny and cool, etc. But then I remember that this same girl posts pictures of herself carving Facebook people's names into her thighs. That was primarily the reason why she didn't like me; because I thought it was fucked up for her to post something like that and make a joke of it.
I had so many friends on there. The only friends I had, really, until I had to delete my account because she drove me away. Now I'm lonely and I don't talk to anyone. I try to play videogames and chat with people there but I can't make any actual friends. I'm socially awkward in real life, and I prefer to keep friends online.
I don't know what to do. Go back to Facebook, even though I have this feeling that everyone on there hates me. Maybe I could go incognito. Join another community, even though I don't know which to join. How do you guys make friends? I miss mine so much and the greatest times I had were joking around with my friends on Facebook, but those were also the worst times as well, mainly because a lot of guys on there want online relationships and I had to reject a few, and now they for sure hate me.
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Sort of a stupid thing, but I'm too embarrassed to talk about it with friends, so…
I've been in an abusive relationship for the past few years. I have been cheated on, gaslighted, physically abused, talked down to, isolated, etc… I feel like an absolute fucking idiot for even getting into it in the first place, but he was my brother's friend and I thought he was a genuinely good guy. My brother even vetted for him, and he's really protective of me.
I tried breaking up with him multiple times, but I'm quite a passive person and he would hit me or choke me every time… I eventually got too scared to even try anymore and just gave up. He never took me out. He didn't remember my birthday or get me gifts for Valentine's or Christmas. Sex was always on his terms and if I ever tried to initiate it was "weird". He would pull over in parking lots and scream at me in the car if he got angry while driving somewhere. He made me feel like I was a freak and hopeless because I struggle with anorexia, depression, and anxiety. I was genuinely suicidal.
The relationship FINALLY ended when he moved away, thank god.
I've spent the last year in therapy doing my best to identify red flags in relationships and heal.
In the meantime, I've reconnected with an old friend and he's… fucking amazing. We've been seeing each other for about 6 months now and he's been nothing but a sweetheart. He's constantly doing thoughtful things for me and he really makes me feel good about myself. I get butterflies around him STILL and I've known him for years.
… This is fucking terrifying for me. I keep thinking that he's going to leave me because I'm damaged goods, or that he'll turn out like my ex. I'm baselessly paranoid that he only wants me for sex or that he'll start hitting me too, even though I only have reasons to believe the complete opposite. I hate this so much because he's a genuinely great guy that I really want to pursue something with, but I'm insanely guarded and I don't know what to do. I hate talking about my abusive past because I feel like a fucking idiot for being in that relationship in the first place, and also like I'm trying to milk being a victim or something.
Has anyone been through this before? I'm obviously going through this in therapy too, but… I was just curious how other people handled the situation.
This is exactly my life right now, anon. I recently lost a lot of long-time friends to some pretty shitty circumstances and I'm finding it so hard to cope. I've become so numb and unable to socialize with the people that have remained in my life, which I'm sure has just made things worse.
Finding out someone you trusted so much was a horrible manipulator who only wants to throw others under the bus to further their "wellbeing" while others feed into their victim complex is not fun. It scares me how many people could be discussing things I told them in confidence because I am an idiot who trusted them too quickly. I just need to stop trying with people.
Hermit life, here I come.
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Sorry this was a couple of months ago but I haven't really vented about it to anyone.
> pregnant and newlywed
> shotgun wedding but we were going to get married soon anyway
> husband was a virgin before we met
> bad feeling that he'd need to fuck other people eventually
> be on pelvic rest and hormonal so we're not having sex and we fight a lot, I'm having constant dreams about him cheating.
> find out later he bought a backpage escort and also let a guy suck his dick because he catfished him as a girl on craigslist and didn't tell him until he got there so
> btw I find this out on our honeymoon in glorious nippon
> i spend a week of our vacation being afraid of going into preterm labor from stress, threatening divorce, and calling him a degenerate piece of shit while he cries and pukes his brains out out of guilt and begs me to stay
> I decide to stay because getting a divorce after 4 months of marriage is embarrassing, I'm also not financially or emotionally able to be a single mother. Of course, I still love him, too.
Things are better now with counseling. I still feel stupid but I wouldn't have even given him another chance if we weren't already married and about to become parents.
don't feel stupid, anon, nobody, not even Nostradamus himself could've predicted shit as disappointing as that. That is some degenerate shit.
Do whatever seems best right now, but I really suggest splitting up with him when you're better off. Being a single mom would probably be more enjoyable than being with someone like that.
when your life is back on track, I'd like to read your book.
Your ex is a scumbag and never should have hurt you, and, in a sense, he's still
hurting you, because the emotional trauma he put you through is still fucking up your life. Don't let him hurt you anymore. It's not easy, I know. Therapy would probably do wonders. But in the meantime, meet that paranoia with anger. Your ex was shit. Don't let him win. Don't let him hurt you. Don't let him stand between you and happiness.
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>used to have insatiable sexual appetite
>sex drive plummeted over the course of a couple of years for no apparent reason
>horny maybe 5 days a year
>disgusted by sexual things
>usually can't stand even kissing
>totally wouldn't mind
>but I'm in a relationship
>he hates it, but not enough to dump me
>he gets progressively more irritable the longer we go without being intimate
>he starts getting really douchey without meaning to
>I totally deserve it
>wish I could bring myself to break up with him so he could find a normal woman
>hate myself all day erry day
The reality of leaving for the force is hitting him. He probably feels selfish for talking about you upending your life to follow him around.
Sounds like he heard a bad story about couples who became resentful because of the loneliness and psuedo-single mother lifestyle of a military wife. He's probably being extra extra careful not to pressure you into that life. But he's doing it in the non-subtle, extreme guy way that they do everything else.
I don't think he's gonna break up with you.
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I gave up my awesome job to move to Colorado because I'm a dumb ass.
No. I live around other families and college kids.
If my neighborhood was in anyway dangerous I wouldn't have made the post, tbh.
Wow that's weird. My mum left me home alone from the age of 9 so 22 seems way excessive.
Have you explained that you don't want to buy restaurant meals when you can make good food yourself and are saving?
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Nah not the weed. I thought I was too cool for my podunk hometown and assumed that I was so awesome I'd definitely get a great job that paid twice as much because I decided to be an overconfident douche
Man this shit is expensive.
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welp, it's the first of January. My boyfriend will no longer be buying me cigarettes. I still have the rest of my butts but those will only last a couple of days. I'll be cigarette free soon enough though.
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Ah shit i think i led on a friend of mine. I'm not an affectionate person at all but he fell asleep on my lap once after drinking a lot (i'm drunk for every social interaction, but this time he was too), it wasn't intimate or anything as i literally had my arm around my female friend at the same time but he may have misinterpreted it as romantic interest because he's acting weird now.
We have also slept in the same bed some times but always clothed and always with other people (big bed). I've kind of always knew he had a thing for me but tried to ignore it until recently he asked me (over text) if i was into him. I had to do the old "i like you platonically, sorry if i sent the wrong signals" drill. How do i make things not bad from here? I really value him as a friend but i can't satisfy his romantic needs and i know how painful it is to have a crush on a friend. Ugh.
You don't have a lot of friends, do you?
It's normal interaction between friends, it's not her fault that he's acting weird just because he fell asleep in her lap.
I'm sick of being so petty and immature in my relationship but I can't help it.
I ask a lot of "if" questions to my boyfriend. "If" he's attracted to girls he finds attractive. He says no, just that he acknowledges they're attractive but that he isn't attracted /to/ them. Then last night he said something basically like, if he ever met a girl he could see himself dating if we ever broke up, he would probably stay as far away from as possible.
But it rubbed me the wrong way and I feel so fucking naive. We constantly talk about getting married, about how there's never going to be anyone else, how if he cheated he'd probably kill himself because he'd know he fucked up big time, etc. Like all this stuff that led me to believe that for him, there would never be the possibility of someone else. And for me, there really is no one else but I think for him, he might not take the relationship as seriously. Like "if we ever break up" etc and then immediately saying "we'll never break up". Like…? Stop filling my head with these absolutes if you're not being absolute.
But it's mainly my fault because I ask questions that I don't want to hear the answer to. It's just that he's my first and I'm young so I'm immature and naive and I feel like I'm getting jaded the more things go on.
I could have gone to the University of Oxford for fine art if my dad didn't force me to stay in the same city. He didn't want me to move out because it's not allowed in his stupid culture. He said if I got into uni in a different city he'd move the whole family there, which is just impossible, and if I went against him he'd completely disown me.
And now, since September 2016 I've started doing the fine art course in my city, where half the students don't know what a human hand is supposed to look like and the tutors aren't even bothering to teach anatomy or the basic rules of art, and I doubt I'd get anywhere near the same networking potential and intensive experience I could have gotten at a higher up university.
I have all the A grades in the entry requirements, I have a great portfolio, I had everything I needed to get into fucking OXFORD. London. The highest ranked universities in this country.
But I had to lower my ambitions because of my fucking DAD.
Because "oh, well you're good at art so it doesn't matter where you go, you'll still be successful". Could I not have aimed high anyway? There would have been no fucking harm in that.
Then you could have showed off to your stupid friends that your daughter is going to a top university instead of being shamed because she moved out before she got fucking married you backwards prick.
Why couldn't I have just, for once in my life, stood up for myself and done it?
Because I'm a fucking coward.
I agree that a counselor would be a good idea. You did a good job of recognizing the problem and throwing it all out.
Growing up, my father ended up being the responsible adult in the house when he was in middle and high school. His parents got divorced, and his mother was always zonked out on pills, so he was responsible for groceries and the like.
He would always buy a lot of food (non-perishable, though) so our basement had industrial shelves full of food. He would generally buy large amounts when it was on sale, especially when my sister and I were younger and money was really tight, but even now, the shelves are full whenever I go visit my parents. It wasn't really much of a problem, as it all did get eaten eventually, but it was definitely a result of his upbringing. He grew up not always having food around, and he wasn't going to let that happen again. He also was incredibly anxious about running out of toilet paper or toothpaste, whereas we all were fine making do with kleenex and baking soda for a day or two.
Honestly, I was given SSRI's and didn't have normal feelings for years, so I understand being hesitant. While I recognize that psych meds are useful for some people, I think they are over-used. Have you ever gotten a blood test for nutrient deficiencies or thyroid hormone irregularities? If not, see if you can; sometimes that's the problem. It is also normal for women to be more emotional in general than men, though that doesn't men that what your experiencing is necessarily normal.>>172539
Is she keeping those thoughts mostly to herself, and venting to you, or is she saying these things publicly in a way that is unacceptable? It might be good for her to write in a journal if she's having trouble keeping her thoughts to herself.>>172540
See a fertility doctor, perhaps? This is obviously something important to you, and it seems like he knew that and was having difficulty telling you. There might be things he can do to help his fertility. >>172859
You should report it, because if you don't, you will be held liable for the mortgage. I'm sorry that happened to you; it's shitty.>>173201
Complain to the school, as they probably can dig up a record or the changes. If you have contact information for anyone else in the class, get in touch with them, as they are probably in the same boat.>>173893
See if you can talk to him in person.>>174147>I end up having to get him off every time it happens. I don't really blame him for that because, well. Men.
Men can have sex drives AND be considerate; don't let him trick you into thinking otherwise.
You're not a coward in my opinion, you're just in between a rock and a hard place.
You either better yourself and go to the uni you dream of or have a family. It seems like those are the only choices you've been presented.
I really wish some cultures weren't like this, it seems like it's not a display of love. But I never grew up in a predicament such as this one so I'll keep my interjection brief.
At the end of it all it's entirely your decision. There are resources for people who have been disowned by family. But I really wish you all the best with whatever you choose.but going to the University of Oxford would be pretty cool
I used to say that to myself a lot. I'll be more determined, thank you. >>175040
Yeah, I guess it's either one or the other. I tried to convince him but nothing worked. And I agree, this kind of restriction doesn't feel like love at all.
Thank you for your kind words anon. >>175065
That's a coincidence.. I'll go with believing you. How long have you been there?
One of my issues with the course in my city is that they don't have the traditional, technical sort of teaching I expected. No anatomy lessons, no traditional drawing and painting tutorials, less learning and development of actual skills. It's more about contemporary art and video and performance, but feels wishy washy and not as serious as I thought it would be… what is Oxford like in comparison?
Thank you for your advice.
I'd rather not give my year in the interest of privacy since it's such a small cohort at about 30 per year.
I got that impression of your concerns, and that's what I'd like to clarify: anatomy is taught in first year, however the students can react to the teaching however they like. Correct representational drawing/painting is not a point of emphasis unless you make it one in your practice, however you will be in the minority and strongly challenged. We all are, whatever we do, it's no bad thing. It's just not a traditional pedagogical education so much as a space for possibilities. Probably not as different to your school as you'd imagine despite the anatomy, I think.
Look at some past degree show material when you have the time, it's all online. Have you done a foundation course?
I was talking to a guy for a really long time, and I thought we were in a relationship, but one day he just ends up talking about how much he loves this other girl and is how they are in a relationship. I just feel so fucking played. He told me all this shit like "I love you" "I want to be with you always" "Please, don't ever leave me" "I can't wait until you can move in with me", doesn't that sound at least a little bit like we were together? When I yelled at him over it he was just like "I don't remember ever asking you to be my gf". I feel so fucking stupid for this shit, why didn't I see this shit coming? He was way out of my league and all my emotional issues probably pissed them off.. I actually did see this coming and voiced my insecurities to him, but he said "Don't worry babe, I'll never leave you". Like what kind of fucking bullshit is that? He clearly was talking to this other girl while he was talking to me since you don't just suddenly get into a relationship with someone you don't know, so then that makes me think, how many other fucking girls was he talking to? I wanted to stir up some shit by posting screenshots of all the shit he was telling me literally 2 days before they got together, about how much he loved me and wish he could fuck me, show how much of an asshole he is. Eventually I was just like, you know, "Its not worth it though, I'll just block you on ever platform and never speak to you again" and then he got mad over me wanting to block him and never talk to him after pulling that kind of shit on me?? Its like he didn't even understand why I was so upset too!! I'm just so fucking upset right now, and disappointed, not so much at him as much as myself for falling for his bullshit. I can't sleep right, because I'm just so fucking mad at him. I've probably slept only 3 hours just last night. He's the only one I felt like I could be myself with, the only one I felt really cared, and he literally just proved every insecurity I have when it comes to my relationships right. I don't know what the hell to do right now, I have no one to fall back on, no friends of my own (they were all his friends that I also hung out with), my family abandoned me long ago, all I have is my cat and my dog. Just fuck my entire fucking life.
Just block him. Dude sounds like a player. I've had a sorta similar thing happen to me a few months ago - he was inviting me to spend thanksgiving with me, telling me he loved me, etc etc - and I even finally made the mistake of sleeping with the guy and after that he pretty much ghosted me and when he finally talked to me a couple days later he said he wasn't ready for a relationship or some bullshit. It gutted me so hard. Like you it played right into every insecurity I ever had and I felt so used and then he threw a fit when I blocked him everywhere.
It took a little while to get over being upset but it'll pass anon. Just block that guy and don't look back, he's an asshole and you deserve better.
Sorry that you managed to meet such a sociopath. Honestly the best thing you can do is just cut them entirely out of your life, if they were that much of an ass to string you along like that before then I doubt that they will have any problem pulling you back in next time they want to, and it will just end up the same. You're better off without. If you do chose to 'expose' him be prepared to be painted as the crazy stalker to any other girls, it's entirely up to you if you want to risk any of that hassle. There are other guys and friends out there waiting for you, he's gross.
Focus on you and your pets for now, I hope they are well.>>175078
I really recommend you do look at the actual courses, costs and maybe think about your plans for what to do with it. Similar to >>175089
says, it's important to get the facts. I've been to a similarly rated UK artschool and given how little was actually taught at it, I probably wouldn't have gone if the fees were what the fees are now and knowing how discouraged traditional representational art was in the school. If you have a fire in your belly to go then you should go, you can apply for student loan etc and pull out at the last minute, but make sure that you do the research.
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One of the best friends I ever had for years got brainwashed by this stupid /pol/-alt right bullshit during the elections and had to cut her off completely, she just became so twisted and cringey in a matter of weeks reading the daily stormer, "liking" Jew conspiracies on social media, collecting nazi images, posting retarded Pepes and anime shit with Trump hats everywhere.
The most bizarre thing is that she comes from an extremely abusive and neglectful ultra-conservative family that she actually ran away from, she was brutally beaten up and raped by white men for years, she had a few scary encounters with aggressive black guys but nothing happened at all, most of her friends were non-white, so how the fuck this white-power shit got into her considering her life experiences is beyond me, I don't miss her at all I just feel angry and disappointed that someone I knew for so long became such a low-life so fast.
Regardless of her anecdotal experiences, black men are more likely to rape on average. Perhaps she's going by statistics rather than what happened to her.
I think the number one reason young people move right is they just get tired of the endless anti white stuff you see online. White privilege, the end of white people, the idea we're all bland and cultureless, the glee with which many of you(?) talk about us becoming minorities in Europe and America etc.
We're human and have natural tribal impulses too. The more you push us and demand we behave to standards you'd never hold your own people to, the more people will move over to the right.
>>175252>People like you are why Trump won
I have never said this.
The US is just balkanizing along racial lines, as all non-authoritarian multiracial states eventually do.
You'd be blind not to see how acceptable it has become to insult, demean and even cheer on the demise of white people in general over the past 10-15 years or so. Far be it from "bringing people together", the internet has exposed our differences even more.
Most rape statistics are intraracially based, not interracial. Keep that tinfoil hat/KKK hood on, though.
sage for off-topic
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I've gotten really friendly with a particular older Uber driver and he wanted to introduce me to his son because he said we have a lot in common and he thought we might get along well.
I thought cool a new friend, but now his son is all up in my shit, trying to low key get with me, even though he knows I have a boyfriend. It's laughable (not to mention fucking gross) that he thinks I want to be with a thirsty manlet who's got 10 years on me. Uh no.
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I overheard two of my coworkers (who I thought I got along with really well) talking shit about me and didn't say anything when they saw me standing behind them to place in an order. It sucks that after years of therapy and self help books, the feeling of gaining back my self esteem and becoming pretty bubbly and extroverted felt strange but good… but now I just want to crawl back in my shell and never speak again. Feels bad.
I relate to this, anon. If I may tell my own story in response: I recently lost friends because they all decided they had it with me after deciding I was trash and talking about me behind my back for… god knows how long. They were people in the know about my mental state as well, which made things 10x worse because I thought I could trust them so I let my guard down always. Lord knows how much fodder I unknowingly gave them over the years. Very scary to think about and it also makes me want to crawl back into my shell and never speak again.
I know it's hard, but keep your chin up. You deserve more than this and you've done well to get where you are.
>>175351>I thought I could trust them so I let my guard down always. Lord knows how much fodder I unknowingly gave them over the years
And this is why my mum always told me you never talk about your mental illness in front of others, no matter how much you trust them, unless they're blood (and even then it depends).
The same thing happened to me in secondary school, I felt like I belonged at first and then I started noticing them avoiding me. I kept telling myself I was paranoid until I found out they'd been making fun of my panic disorder and assburgers (which was at its peak at the time, I don't really have panic attacks anymore and I try to fit in as much as I can) and calling me names behind my back.
If you need to tell someone you're feeling ill, just say you've stomach issues or something, NEVER give them fodder to disparage you like that. I don't get people who broadcast their personal issues online, it never ends well. I'd rather people think I'm some weirdo than 'not right in the head'.
Venting about a weird thing that just happened at work, because I have no work friends and am stuck alone for another 7 hours
A man I've never seen before had been wandering around with his phone, coming in and out of the revolving door all morning. Eventually when it was empty he came up and blurted "do you remember me, I used to sit and write?". I suddenly remembered a co-worker said last month a man had asked when I would be back to work and for my phone number, but that he had never actually spoken to me and he was leaving the company that week. I realized this must be the guy and panicked, so like an idiot I just gave my vacant customer service smile and said "…did you?". He quickly turned and left! I was busy with customers but internally worrying I had dealt with it wrong, panicking about crazy incels thanks to this site.
Later he rushed back in and apologised for running off, saying that he gets nervous around me for some reason and finished up with "I like you, like a boy likes a girl", which i a bit weird for a grown man to say imho. I managed much better this time by saying thank you, that I had a boyfriend but also that I know how it is to get anxious around people so well done for having the courage to come in, and also to have a nice day. Fortunately my work phone started ringing and then he ran off again. So glad I got that 2nd chance and it is flattering, but I'm a bit weirded out because I really haven't seen him before and he has clearly come into his ex-workplace and waited about all morning to talk, and that makes me uneasy about walking home through the dark empty site tonight. But at the same time it's silly to imagine that just because someone is a bit weird that they will be a stalker.
tl;dr a awkward stranger just confessed to me and I hope I dealt with it right, because this site has me worried about frail men egos
Sounds a bit like a creep. Glad he left you alone.
You honestly don't need to explain yourself to anyone, especially people like these>>175380
It's not too harsh, it not like you said "fuck off". People need to learn how to handle rejection
Yet you still swallowed him cum.
Makes one think.
I don't know how the system works in Croatia since I'm a kebab remover, but they wouldn't have got filthy rich through honest work that's for damn sure.
Save, invest and hope for the best is my advice, nothing you can do about it now unless you can report her somewhere. And even then her family probably has enough clout to not have to worry about those things and/or can bribe a judge or officer to turn a blind eye. Can't hurt to try though, similar things happen here and I can't stand it.
The parents are doctors/lawyers or some shit. All the documents are legal.
I'm going through the applications and ranking the students, I'm not a student myself.
She does qualify by the "gifted students" criteria, so by law if she ranks 1-3 she has to get the money. It's more of a moral issue than anything. Really sucks to see students whos income is like 800 per month while hers is 5k+
But sadly there's nothing we can do so I'm salty af
Because most normal people care about more than just themselves, anon? >It doesn't affect me so who cares
This is such a juvenile way of going through life.
And if anon cares about her mother, I'm sure she doesn't want her to get fucked over like this
Or Anons parents have an open relationship. Could become Pandora's box.
If not, burn the cheater, recommend mom gets std screenings.
I live in a student accomodation - top floor great views. The accommodation itself is well, just meh and i plan on not living here again because they cut corners on everything. A prime example is the person below me.
This girl slams every door, window, and object in her room. Knocks on her desk, slams the wardrobe doors, jumps around. I know this isn't just a "thin wall" thing because i lived here last year and the worst you'd hear is a bit of music. It actually takes an awful lot for someone to hear what you're doing if you're not in the same flat as them.
I've complained because she stays up until 3am playing music, normally half of some pop song then half of some old rock song, never a full song. This is during exam times and assignment hand in times too, not just holidays. She stomps her feet so loud that I can hear it in my room which is above hers.
I stomp back as a "can you stfu" thing and she never stops. What really pushed me over the edge was her bannging on her roof, my floor, at 5am, you could hear it was a palm of her hand on the roof kind of sound, also the fact she smokes weed out of her window which is against her contract and just illegal where i live. I don't care if people smoke outside but i can't have my window open because of this ( i have some pretty bad breathing issues)
So i complained to the office, it has to be 3-4 times now about her. They've said they spoken to her about the noise and the weed. She never stopped. I complain again "yeah we'll speak to her again and email her" - doesn't stop.
At this point i don't want to be the person who is complaining so much at the office because I feel like i'm just an old lady whining about stuff a student shouldnt.
She went away for the holidays while i stayed here no noise, nothing. I slept in and had the time of my life. From what i can hear she came back yesterday full guns blazing and i'm not prepared for the lack of sleep again. It's going to start to affect my studies soon.
I have no idea what else i can do tbh.
Cut her some slack. Sounds like she already had talks with him about having kids yet he was never honest about him being infertile and just led her on about it all this time. If having kids is that important, she might feel like she just wasted all this time with someone who can't even give her any.
Personally, regardless of whether he feels humiliated or not, I think it was selfish not to tell her as soon as shit started getting serious between them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to date people who's life plans are the same as yours, and I know I'd feel a little cheated if that happened to me.
I fucking hate myself so much that it interferes with my daily life. I lost almost 30 pounds over the course of the last few years without much effort, but I'm more depressed and disgusted with myself than I've ever been. Especially because at 5'3 and 125lb I'm still not anywhere close to being slim, or even average. I'm still as pudgy as ever, just wearing smaller sizes. My face and body look so deformed to me when I look in the mirror that I often spend hours (anywhere from 45min to 3, even 4 hours) crying as I re-apply makeup and style the same sections of hair and change my outfit over and over and over, which only ends when I'm late for class or someone arrives to pick me up.
This is what I see in the mirror: Since my legs are so short, my thighs bulge out like a bodybuilder's but it's all fat. My calves seem okay but it only emphasizes how fat my thighs are. It wouldn't be that bad if they bulged at the hip and gave me an hourglass figure, but instead they bulge evenly from my knees to my hips so it just makes me look completely shapeless. Even though my stomach fat doesn't bulge out and my waist is relatively small it's not enough to contrast with the rest and give me any shape. My upper arms are similarly thick and bulge-y. I feel like I've never seen somebody with such an ugly body, even obese girls seem to have an hourglass shape. My neck looks fat and I can't wear chokers or delicate little necklaces because of it especially coupled with my moon face. My nose is gigantic and it looks lumpy from the front, and even worse from the side since it extends far out and slopes down. My nostrils are big, too. My huge, lumpy jaw extends really far out and cancels out what would have been pretty nice cheekbones (which is an observation I am only able to make because my mom has them too). I'm paranoid that it's gotten worse because I've been making myself throw up on and off for the past 5 or 6 months and I heard that bloats your jaw/face. I really don't know how to check because no matter who I ask, they won't tell me if my face looks chunkier than normal.
Which brings me to what feels like the worst part: everybody seems to think I'm moderately to very attractive. I know at this point it all sounds cancelled out because there's other people out there who have real trouble finding work and love and clothing in their sizes because of unfortunate looks or illnesses/deformities. It's just unbearably heartbreaking to have to feel this way all the time, especially when I've had an easy time dating and even get hit on/complimented semi regularly. It makes me feel guilty and sad when someone compliments me–so much that I quit my last job because I found out the boss hired me because his wife told him my looks would bring in customers. I want to see what others see when they look at me, I just want to know what I really look like. It hurts so much to look in the mirror every day and looking at myself in photos is so far out of the question that it probably seems like a phobia to other people since I have to constantly beg them not to take photos with me in them or at least not show them to me. In high school I started avoiding reflective surfaces, there was a hallway with a huge fish tank embedded into the wall and I'd even be late to classes just so I wouldn't have to walk by it. Now I have to constantly look down when I walk outside because I might see myself on a bus or building window. I avoid social media because I'm afraid of seeing my own icon or coming across a candid picture of me posted my by mom. Every time I tell myself I'm going to get over it and start taking selfies, I end up looking at them for so long that they seem deformed and I delete them. Like when you repeat a word so much that it doesn't seem like a real word anymore.
I feel helpless. I'm crying as I write this. I've tried everything, including one or two sessions of therapy. I put effort into my style and take such good care of my skin/hair/nails but it doesn't help. I'm working on losing another 20 pounds but I can't get plastic surgery because I'm still a student depending on my parents and furthermore I'm afraid that this is in my head and I'll only get worse if I change my face. I'm constantly crying and dissociating and damaging my relationships with friends and family and ruining outings because of this.
Every night I want to commit suicide, and I've planned it out a few times and attempted once. I end up getting embarrassed in the end because vanity would be such a stupid reason to end my life and inconvenience everyone who'd have to deal with my body and funeral and whatnot.
Bro that was ages ago and it was a personal reaction literally less than an hour after being told. I never said any of those things to him, it's why they were posted here on an anon trash site.
I was upset because we'd discussed kids frequently since he'd found out and he never even hinted that it wasn't possible. It's pretty normal to be hurt by something like that. I ranted here instead of to him in order to make sure he wouldn't feel humiliated or guilty because he doesn't deserve that. Can you really not see how it would have felt like a betrayal immediately after being told?
>>175561>>Which brings me to what feels like the worst part: everybody seems to think I'm moderately to very attractive.
What a humble-brag…
I really sympathized with you until you throw this little info in. People who can't talk about being ugly without hinting that others don't think so are attention seekers and nothing more.
If I was told I'm "very attractive" while thinking I'm ugly I would assume people are making fun of me or pity me. I would never mention it anywhere because I would feel so embarrassed.
My friend is experiencing the same thing and I have no idea how to help her. No matter how much evidence you present, even if she believes you or whoever, she doesn't even see the same thing you see when you look at her.
Unfortunately I have no idea what to do about it either. She does a lot of therapy and as far as I know it hasn't helped her with regards to this issue.
>>175566>>I just wanted to see if anybody else shares this experience
Are you for real? Go on any forum for women/girls and you will find users complaining about this kind of thing.
Here you go: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder
You wrote you feel guilty because it's shallow but that doesn't make it any less shallow. If you don't like yourself stop thinking about yourself so much and devote your life to helping others.
>>I quit my last job because I found out the boss hired me because his wife told him my looks would bring in customers. I want to see what others see when they look at me, I just want to know what I really look like.
Spoken like a person who truly believes they're ugly. God, you sound so fucking self-absorbed. You only aspire to be the beautiful-girl-who-can't-see-the-her-own beauty trope.
I'll stop replying now because I know I'm being mean and I don't want to damage your ~ fragile ~ ego any further.
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I'm going to sound like a bitch, but I'm really tired of getting hit on by guys shorter than me or the same height, and I'm especially angry since one of the guys I was talking to lied about his height. He had told me he was 6'1" and I met him in person and he was 5'10" Like, I might not have been too bothered with it, but the fact that he lied like that is pretty telling.
I'm 5'8" and it makes me feel really uncomfortable when guys are around the same height as me, and it's just my taste, but somehow I'm vilified for it and placed into the same category as the bitches in this picture.
i'm not american, but were you asking for benzos? most doctors are really strict about those.
i've been using propranolol for my anxiety and it's been helping.
it's understandable. if men can make the point that they want girls shorter than them, women can have the same requirements. And I'll never get why people lie on the first date. 3 inches is noticeable, you know?
and I know this is just a pic you found, but jesus, calling someone a "fuck boi" just because they don't meet your height requirements? Jesus.
Funny because I just linked it in my post.
Most people with BDD I encountered don't brag about how their boss thinks their looks will bring in customers or how most people say they're very
attractive. They go on and on about how ugly they really
are and list prove for that instead of for how pretty they are.
They memorize every little thing that might prove they're monsters even if it's completely irrational. Like someone not sitting next to them on the subway. Must be because they look horrific. Strangely OP didn't mention a single event like that so I guess her perception of reality is fine since she finds it so easy to accept others think she's pretty. People with BDD on the other hand tend to forget about compliments or twist reality in a way that allows them to brush of positive experiences as lies, cruel jokes and so on.
I…do twist reality. It does feel like a cruel joke. You're literally just describing what I described in different wording. I mentioned what other people think of me to illustrate a point, not to brag about how I fully accept that everyone thinks I'm so totally beautiful but I'm too special and broken to see it. You sound like a robot going on about easymode.
I'll stop replying now as well, since I now see this is a misunderstanding.
I don't think I've ever sounded as self absorbed as I do now, but I'm pretty sure this is because these people are not thinking for themselves but are doing what is told is "right."
As retarded as it looks and sounds, who wants to be on the wrong side of history? They equate themselves to the protesters of the 1960's.
You should reply to people who are trying to help though. I guess that's what you meant anyway but I just wanted to be clear that I'm not going to drag this any further.
If this his how you feel then I'm sorry. People saying stuff like "I'm sooo ugly. Everyone says I'm pretty but I just can't see it" tick me off because they use the pain of people who feel truly ugly to get their ego stroked.
I'm not a robot though. /g really needs to come back. Everyone gets accused of being a robot these days…
Agreed. Also, I get really bad secondhand embarrassment for the people who basically apologize to me for being white while assuming my everyday life must be a struggle against the cishetwhite man. I'm not white either and holy pixiteri it's cringeworthy>>175587
Not only that, they will get their asses roasted if they disagree openly. It's a given on US college campuses.
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Update>me and boyfriend are still broken up>I've been avoiding that one friend>crush sends me a lot of lewd anime pics>he keeps telling me to hang out with him>when I try to make plans he goes MIA
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just had a frustrating experience
>log in to server with one other person
>seems normal at first
>sends friend request
>sure why not
>starts ordering me around
>clearly has no idea what to do except the basics
>is clingy when we should split up to gather shit
>suddenly asks to call me
>"haha sorry my mic doesn't work"
>keeps fumbling around till we die
>"anon, I would really like to cell you"
>say I'm dealing w/ lag
>really bad lag
>drop my shit
>"Sorry got to go"
>check his profile to see if I can subtly unfriend him
Normally I don't randomly friend people but I had just befriended some cool people, so I just went with the flow and now I'm stuck with a clingy load in the future. He is getting blocked if he ask to call me again.
Because by not welcoming them into our hearts we're uwu opressing the poor babbus. Quick girls, let's show them our tits before they gtfo, or something.
I don't mind men on the rest of the site, but I want /g/ back too
Like, it's not even that I don't like men or anything. But I have to talk to them all the time in my normal life and fuck me, sometimes I just wanna talk about shoes and make up and bitch about celebrities that are trashy.
I just want my /g/ back, Admin!
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The following is all true, I don't care if you believe me or not, I'm posting and going to bed.
That feel when you're going down on a guy and you let out a girly poo-toot. You start to giggle at the thought of this and the head motion of giggling makes you gag on his cock and the tip of it hits the "Vomit NOW" button in the back of your throat so you puke all over him. He jumps away somehow causing your head to fall down and smack painfully into the frame of the chair. Then the contractions of vomiting make it very clear you're very soon going to lose bladder control and eject several pints of processed lager into your knickers. So you try to jump up and run to the toilet but you slip on the puddle of puke and fall down into it bruising your ass on the floor. And then you piss yourself in a mewling, battered, vomit covered heap on the floor infront of the guy
I only just got back home from after showering at his and borrowing some clothes and helping him clean the floor.
Seriously how does this shit even happen to me? Why does it always happens to me? Why is my life so irredeemably shite and awful?
Maybe I'm not looking hard enough but I haven't seen many of these "gross incel men". Some robots, definitely, but it isn't that bad.
I want /g/ back too though.
Also, that's an ancient kc-tire pasta posted by an actual female around 3 or 4 years ago I think.
She also posted other equally embarrassing stories about going /pol/ to the max in public and going down on a guy because he invited her to a michelin-starred restaurant.
She seemed like a pretty fun girl if not for the assburgers.
I'm starting to believe that more and more as the years go by. Its not even like he ever acted like an asshole otherwise though, there was no indication that he was using me. He acted exactly how a good boyfriend would, until he pulled that shit on me. I probably was just something for him to mess with until some other girl came along too.. She was way more attractive than me, too. I hate myself.>>175221
I'm just really upset right now. I'd rather not get involved with any of his bullshit anymore. I think next time I'm gonna wait even longer to get really serious with a guy. He ended up being just like every other guy I've ever been with. I swear this shit is gonna turn me into a man-hating feminazi.
Hi Bernd/Bernadette :3
How are you liking your stay here?
(This isn't even a vent, just rambling, but it took me four hours to write so I'm posting it anyway)
I drink ~3,500 calories worth of alcohol daily,
I don't go to university, I don't have a job. I don't cook or clean the apartment. I don't do laundry or any other tasks. I rarely shower, shave, or brush my teeth. I never leave the apartment except for my morning walk – bagel shop, liquor store. I force myself to eat a bagel sandwich every day so that I don't die, and it passes the time until the liquor store opens. Then I go home and drink. I lay in a stupour staring ay the ceiling until I'm tipsy, then read and write on my phone. My boyfriend comes home; we drink and watch films. He goes to sleep. If there is beer left, I stay up to finish it. On the weekends, we leave once – drive to get beer and fast food. Drive back. Then we drink the beer and watch more films.
I'm dead when I'm not drunk. I can't form any thoughts and I can't write. It has taken me four hours to write this imageboard post so far. I can't do anything. It's this oppressive misery and anxiety. Like I'm cut off from everything around me. I am fat and ugly, unreliable and useless. I black out and pass out often. The brain fog and anhedonia only goes away when I drink. I've started having horrible sleep; I lay half awake with racing thoughts that form pictures in my eyes, endless dreams within dreams, I can't tell what is real. I must be severely depressed, but I can still have fun when I drink sometimes, although there are days like today when it will just get worse.
Right now I'm sitting on the toilet typing on my phone because I had to piss and I cannot find the motivation to pull up my pants and get up.
You and your boyfriend remind me of one of my friend's parents.
His mom died a decade and a half ago because of cirrhosis(he was ~10, his sister ~15) and his dad died a couple of years ago from a heart attack. Seeing his father sober was almost physically painful.
>>175746>recommending drugs to a person this bad at handling addictions.
It's like you want her to die, kek.>>175748
Binge drinking is the only way I can enjoy alcohol(I know no moderation when it comes to drugs generally).
I just try to not do it often and usually remain barely tipsy when I go out these days.
The bad thing about binge drinking is having to endure worse and worse hangovers as you age.
You made some dumb mistakes but it seems like you're ready to grow from them. January is a hard time to find retail/waitress work but if your parents can support you for now, it will eventually work out if you keep applying for everything you can find.
Good luck with your fam, anon. Tell us stripper stories when you feel better!
I think I might have fucked up what paragraphs I pasted where in this post>>175736
I hate it when people like that have kids. You have no business drinking heavily, smoking, doing drugs if you ever want kids. I would kill myself if I ever got pregnant and couldn't have an abortion.>>175737>>175743
I'll be okay :^)
Really though, I hate doctors, and I don't want to give them my information. I'm not going to have a record with my name on it saying I'm an alcoholic or have anything wrong with me at all. Call it paranoia, but I want to keep everything to myself and have no one know anything about me (unless I choose to shout it into the anonymous internet void). And my health is fine for now. I know that eventually I will die.
I'll probably get a job though. I don't actually need to work, but I used to work in sales just for something to do when my boyfriend is working. It might seem like a weird job for someone as antisocial as me, but I get a huge kick out of making money in a commission system; your skills and personality make your money, you can't kick back and be complacent. I would drink whiskey mixed with coffee in one of those contigo cups and no one ever noticed.
I do find that I often wake up naked and covered in bruises and bite marks, recalling none of it. Now that I think about it, it's actually kind of weird that I never actually remember having sex.>>175740
Easy. He will never see me when I'm just staring blankly at the wall sipping vodka out of the bottle. He sees a fun and agreeable person who relaxes with a few beers in the evening. I don't talk about my feelz.
Drinking makes me become who I used to be before debilitating depression / depersonalisation / brain fog / anhedonia ruined me, and that person is interesting and charismatic. There's a trope about how drunks start needing alcohol to feel normal because addiction is bad kiddos. I think that is incorrect and instead refers to the phenomenon of people becoming horrifically depressed and then drinking to make the horrific depression go away, thus returning them to their previous state. I believe that is the case for me.
The downside is that when you are not drunk, the depression, etc. seems worse due to the contrast. This is easily rectified by drinking all the time :^)
The point I'm making is that I have mental issues that make life not worth living, and slowly drinking myself to death lets me have some fun with it, it doesn't matter I will die from the alcohol because I would have otherwise killed myself by now.>>175748
Most people that binge drink don't become alcoholic shutins. If 'binge drinking' just means drinking to get drunk I have no idea what other reason you would drink for besides. Maybe it is for women in lifetime films who drink a glass of wine and get drunk
I'll make any other replies shorter and less narcissistic rambling, I promise
Yeah, I phrased that really creepily. I was thinking that it just sounded funny, like I was being molested by vampires in my sleep or something, but that is a weird and lame joke.
I don't consider having sex when drunk to be rape. Especially when in the blurry recollections I sometimes get I'm acting randy as hell and often initiate. I also have a precedent for fucking my friends when I'm blackout drunk. It's always when my boyfriend has been drinking heavily too; people get horny when they drink, and we're in a fucking relationship, I would laugh in a girl's face if she told me she was 'raped' by her boyfriend after she initiated sex on a night when they'd both been drinking since noon and she was totally into it. He has also stopped immediately every time I have asked him to throughout our relationship and is always worried that he's hurting me in ways I wouldn't like.
I don't mean to go off on you guys because I really did phrase that weirdly and without context. But I don't want even anonymous internet girls to assume something like that
You can't stay with someone who doesn't believe your mental illness isn't real. Or rather, you can, but it's going to inevitably implode and considering you have bpd it's going to implode spectacularly.
I can't imagine having a partner who wasn't supportive of me through my bpd bullshit. Even through the worst times where I probably didn't deserve a third of his understanding and kindness. He helped me get therapy and which ultimately put us on a far better (and less volatile) path.
Seriously, that's a big red flag if someone doesn't "believe" in mental disorders. This isn't the 1900's. I'm sorry for the loss of your old SO and I know how it feels to be consumed by shitty feelings. It sounds like you need a real support system.
I feel you on that one anon :(
Esp because this stuff isn't available in my country and some brands charge more for shipping than the product
Been there but voat is just reddit for people bitter about reddit mods tbh. It's not even hatred so much as disbelief.
It's alarming that anyone is as ignorant and sick as HAES campaigners so knowing that that's now the basic standard is depressing.
It wasn't enough for them to make sure that regular women have to shop in the kids section now they have to scream about how it's literally impossible to be normal because muh pseudoscience. (Never mind the insanely insulting shit like 'looks like a 12 year old boy/"REAL WIMMUN XY/under a size 4 is anorexic')
I'm genuinely scared that the current generation of children will be the last to know how to eat, and be the last generation with a fit and healthy portion of the population.
Wait did he actually tell you he was angry or are you just assuming that based on the ":T" face?
Because to me it doesn't sound like he's super upset, more like he's just bummed out about it and expects you to respond with something more than "What?" which makes it sound like you're kind of okay with it.
Talk to him about it, that isn't proper communication, that's playing stupid mind games and pouting on both sides. This isn't anything that can't be resolved by talking.
You both sound very young and inexperienced, and so are people like >>176074
yelling 'dump him!' whenever things aren't going perfectly smoothly.
Listen to this anon ya dingus. He knew what would happen if you went, and you went and what he was worried about happened.
Now you should be doing what you want to do anyway, even if he spelled it out to before you went tbqh you should always do what you really want to do, but it's clear that he's feeling like shit when you ask him "What?" you're pretending like you don't know what's wrong – he's obviously insecure and you could perhaps have provided a little more reassurance, or not it's up to you, but if your question is why is he mad it's because he knew you'd be hit on by creeps and you were and you may not seem to care.
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The only times im energetic and sort of positive is when im on a double dose of morphine acting pain meds.
I cant get anxiety meds unless i become some neet who lives on benefits and goes to a psyche every third day, i have documented sleep disorders and i still cant get sleep meds that arent anti histamines of seroquel and that shit does nothing to me.
I work better on a day to day basis when my body has numbed out abit or if im stoned but i have to be in a mood to smoke while morphine is just pop two pills, wait an hour and there you go.
Im so mad there are people in my life/around me who dont work, havent even finished high school and are in their twenties, lives on benefits and parental money yet they get fucktonnes of pain meds and anxiety meds simply cause their life revolves around going to a psyche and then complaining about said payche and doing nothing but live a vicarious life as a victim.
Im sick of how as long as youre in your 20's and function adequately you can forget about any help in regards to meds or support even tho its fucking killing you while the tumblr browsing, con going, money wasting, drama whoring , self pitying neets who treat mental illness like a lifestyle just get to hang out all day and cry yet they ask for praise doing basic shit like going to an appointment.
Sorry for the boat of negativity its just been pestering me for actual years at this point and while im glad im holding down a job and got my own place everyday is a constant barrage of shitty struggles and because i dont post it all over social media like a twat people think im fine and fucken dandy while my doctor patronizes me, refuses to aknowledge symptoms and keeps mentioning therapy…nobody says you can talk away cancer what the fuck makes you think i can talk away shit like exhaustion and severe insomnia fucking cunt.
I feel you, it's just the grown up version of how in school only the completely lowest achievers get any support. I've lost a best friend over this so I'm going to vent about that
I try to be a good person and support my friends who clearly have worse situations than me, but my childhood friend now lives the life of vidya, netflix, weed, social drinking and depression facebook memes all whilst claiming neetbux for anxiety. I understood that she couldn't manage an actual job and has a serious problem but when I was pushing her to go for daily walks or to at least maintain a blog, so she told everyone apart from me about how I was denying her illness. I try to stay in touch but we just can't see eye to eye when she talks about all of the latest things she's watched or played, whilst all I can talk about is bills and work and how no doctor will ever give me adderall because i'm not a ten year old boy. I'm not saying neets need to be miserable all the time, but it's too fucking much.
My friend of 4 years and I had a falling out.
Its a long story but basically he would ditch and ignore me for days on end (when i needed uni project advice help) just so he could try to lose his virginity.
It hurt cutting him off but after he had a party in our kitchen (we live in the same student accom/apartment) without inviting me it was the final straw for me.
So i cut him off, 100%. He would still inbox me on fb saying "oh i have leftovers have them if you want" Since I used to cook for him all the time he thinks leaving half eaten food for me is the same as saying Sorry. I'm the kind of person that when someone says sorry, i can forgive and forget and get over whatever happened.
Today was our first day back at uni after the holiday, i havent spoken to him since. We sit together and he moved seats saying his computer wasn't working, when it was. I don't really care since I want nothing to do with him, he eventually had to move back since where he moved to, that computer wasn't working.
I completely ignored his entire existence, not even looking in his direction, no time of day or mention of anything to do with him. This was advice from some of you anons in the Uni thread. I'm normally fine with doing this to people who have hurt me but today I kinda felt sorry for him, he didn't walk out with our group of friends and didn't really speak to anyone when i got into class. As much as i hate the guy now we were friends for so long and I Don't want him to not talk to anyone else, i know they dont care if we don't like each other anymore.
I refuse to speak to this guy because all he's done to me honestly left me heartbroken since we were so close (we never dated or anything). I just dont know what do to anymore.
I told him yesterday morning that I was sorry if he was upset about it and understood where he was coming from if he was and if he wanted to talk about it I was 100% willing to do it. He blew me off completely, went out drinking, and only showed any interest in me when he was horny late at night. I was just like "good talk, night," and went to bed.
For the record, I'm 25, been in a few long term relationships, he's 21 and only had 1 relationship where the girl wound up cheating on him. He does this shit where he gets closed off and inaccessible, especially lately, where the affection is rarely reciprocated anymore. Just feels like he resents the fuck out of me since the honeymoon period ended, though idk why. I'm pretty over it to be honest. Tired of trying to invest in a relationship that feels totally one-sided.
Wow how dare he enjoy his final years with some company instead of making sure he always had a room to rent to his sperglord grandchild. Jfc you cannot be older than 18 and still think you're being hard done by here. landlords and rental agencies dont give you near 3 months notice.
you've got it exceptionally easy.
Who cares? Dude has porn, most guys have porn saved somewhere at some point. How do you even know he wrote it?
And getting upset that he sits next to you at the table when you're at his house? How is that even a problem?
He's not your brother, it doesn't sound like he's done anything particularly bad (bad table manners is hardly a big deal), why would you want to spread shit about him?
Don't particularly like the word, but don't be a bitch.
I have to say, it doesn't make you look better to use "He has a mental illness" as a reason why you're not a bitch.
Leave the guy alone, you don't have to like him, but gossiping and trying to make his social life harder than it already is is just a fucking shitty thing to do, and I absolutely guarantee that your boyfriend and his family would see it the same way.
I have to say, you sound a lot worse than the kid that jerks off to fanfics and dares to sit near you at his own house.
Well then break up with him, but seriously, every post you're making just makes you look like a worse person.
Don't drag the dude along if you don't care about him, and don't pick on his mentally ill brother for fucks sake. You don't have to care about them, but you should care about being a half decent human being.
I'm 19, and me and my ex-fiance (21) just broke up after a relationship of more than 5 years. We are both autistic, which caused a lot of problems with communication. Plus we both haven't had a great past, I personally have a nasty case of PTSD which complicates things even more.
After a stupid fight about a stupid game a month ago, I hurt him by continuing nagging him. Eventually he told me that I couldn't ever come to him with problems. So I did what was logical, and talk with other people. Apparently he didn't mean it, but he only told me so just yesterday.
For a month we barely talked, we didn't do anything fun anymore. Plus I couldn't talk to him about anything anymore. I started talking to other people more, and I got too friendly with 1 person after me and my ex had a talk about maybe breaking up. I sent a lot of digital hugs, and well that made my ex feel like I had cheated on him. So he almost left me on the spot.
After that we kept talking about breaking up, and how to move on for about a week. I kept bringing stuff up, because something just didn't feel right. After an entire week of awkward and painful conversations, he finally admitted something. Before he had told me that he didn't believe in apologizing or saying sorry after a fight. He made me feel like a manipulative monster for months for asking to say sorry or at least tell me when he doesn't actually mean something. Then all of the sudden he promised that he could change, that from now on, he would tell me when he didn't mean something and that he apologized. I told him that I wasn't sure I could forgive him for (unintentionally) manipulating me that way.
Then I said I couldn't sleep next to him for another night, he thought I meant I hated him very badly. Which wasn't true, I just meant that if he wanted to leave, he had to leave now, and not wait another day. So he packed up his stuff, put it into his car. And then just before we left we found out about this another miscommunication. We were both crying, and clinging to each other. I threw up from crying (into the toilet). He wouldn't leave if I could promise him that I could forgive him. But I can't look into the future, so I was honest and told him I just don't know.
At first he said he didn't want any contact and that the break up would be permanent. We still have some contact, but our facebook relationship statuses are changed. Plus he apparently sees us getting together when we were so young as a mistake, which hurts.
I love him with all my heart, he was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just lost the only good thing that happened to me. But he sees it as a mistake. It just hurts so much. I still love him, and I probably will forever. He also still loves me as well, but he says we first need to become responsible adults before we can ever get back together. I'm worried that he'll find someone much better than me in the meantime. I know I've done fucked up shit as well, and that he can get better.
You don't have to like the kid. It's his house,his dinner table, his porn you're going through.
Maybe stop being an insufferable bitch and treat the kid like a human instead of acting like you're somehow better than him for not having a developmental disorder. You sound way spergier than his naruto porn tbh.
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I want to go out but it's been snowing like crazy for the last two days, it's almost coming up to my thighs now.
Lol what the fuck do you mean ex fiancée when you're 19?
You're a kid, you and your partner aren't ready for marriage.
>>176313>I still love him, and I probably will forever
i can tell you that no, you wont. wait a year and you will see that your feelings for him will be probably gone by then.
youre really young and sound a lot like my younger self. i can already tell that you will probably go back to him but honestly…youre a kid, chill.
>I'm worried that he'll find someone much better than me in the meantime.
also hit the gym and you will feel better about yourself. from the post you dont sound like youre a bad person at all. working out will help you with feeling sad
Well, how addicted to it is he? Is he neglecting your sex lives, or does he just jerk off like a normal person but a bit more frequently?
Because if it's the first, definitely talk to him, but if it's the second, recognise that it's really possible it's your own insecurities rather than anything he's doing wrong, and that it is on you to deal with that mostly.
Everyone's going to feel inadequate if you compare yourself to porn stars, even porn stars would, there's a hell of a lot of camera work and tricks going on in any sort of professional porn.
Don't dump him, people just jump to that immediately whenever anyone talks about any sort of relationship issue for some reason. You should break up when someone's done something so shitty you can't bear to be with them anymore, if it just generally makes you both unhappy, or if you have no feelings. Not every time there's an issue.
He jerks off like at least twice a day, and then we have sex at least twice a day, when he's here (we don't live together). I know that is fact.
I don't know, I have a nice body but it's more the degrading sexual acts these women do I could never compete with. I used to do all sorts of degenerate stuff like let myself get beaten up and pissed on just to please him, now I'm over that and we still have nice, normal sex, but I feel like there's something missing in the equation for him. He's got a mental problem with having healthy sex. Issues,basically.
I should just dump the degenerate, but I do still love him.
>>176388>let myself get beaten up and pissed on just to please him
y i k e s
girl love yourself. don't be with someone who you aren't sexually compatible with and who isn't capable of being satisfied without putting his nasty piss all over a woman. you can do better.
I don't know what to do.
I'm an ex-stripper and I am relieved to be out of that life. The massive heels that cause back pain, the creepy customers, the customers that try to force their fingers into you, the judgement you get from everyone… when all you are is just a sexy dancer. No sexual acts, sure, nudity, suggestion, but you get all this shit laid on you constantly like you're an awful person and not just a young girl trying to take advantage of a lot of money.
I come from a working class background and having that much money per week was amazing. I could suddenly do whatever I wanted to and that made me happy.
But I hated lying to people. My boyfriend didn't like it, and my parents were scared. I quit, and realized it had just made me hate men a lot more than I used to. But I met so many amazing people there, other strippers and customers and I learnt so much about myself and money and independence.
I was too stupid to save enough money, and now I'm stuck with getting my old minimum wage job to support me while I study. Somehow that's not enough for me. I'm too spoilt with this money. I only feel like a valuable person when my nails are done and I have money in the bank. Not having that excess money is terrifying me, enough to apply to a erotic massage place, but I don't want to do things out of fear anymore but I feel stuck.
Should I just embrace the life of a sex worker or get the fuck out anons? I'm just a greedy person and I'm scared.
Well in that case, yeah, if he's pressuring you into doing degrading shit that you don't really want to, or you feel it's an actual addiction he's struggling with, talk to him.
I wasn't sure if you were just one of those people that gets insecure their SO watches porn at all or not, but yeah, you have a point.
That being said, if you love him, try to get him to do therapy, explain how it impacts you and your relationship, and if he won't, then yeah, probably leave the situation.
I'm a recovered porn addict and am helping my husband through it now. There's so much lying, scheming, and arguing that I am weary. I'd drop the guy like a hot potato unless he's genuinely looking to help himself. Even if he is, I wouldn't blame anyone who decided to walk away from a situation like that. It's emotionally taxing. Especially if you're insecure as fuck (I am).
If it's not a literal addiction, I can't think of anything helpful to add. >>176367
covered the insecurity thing already.
I reread my post and I sound bitter as fuck. I don't want to bring you down. I just wanted to be honest about the difficulty of helping someone through a real porn addiction. I'd only go through it for "the one", someone who's best for me in every other aspect.
sage for samefag
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i got arrested again for something stupid and impulsive i did again.
maybe its my bipolar, maybe its the growing cyst in my brain. maybe i need to quit making excuses for myself.
i'm sick of the dehumanizing experience that is jail. had i not been lucky enough to get bailed out, i'd still be there.
i fucked up and will now probably lose the best job i've had and possibly ruined my life.
i'm not looking for sympathy. i know i brought all of this on myself. i'm just ashamed.
there was a search to identify me with my picture up. my own "friends" turned me in for the chance of a reward. my only hope is that i didn't actually do what i'm being accused of. i just need to talk to a fucking lawyer.
had to cut and dye my hair because i'm too scared to go outside and get recognized.
why to i keep fucking my life up when things seem to be going well for me?
i'm scum and whatever happens to me in court, i deserve.
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>>176444>i got arrested again for something>never telling us what it was
ever goddamn time
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I probably had a blog worthy post, but now that I went over it in my head I'm having trouble writing it down. :/
Long story short-ish (and ignoring some forgotten details)
>I have a phobia of being forgotten
>I'm shit at communicating myself to others
>combined these led to my phobia becoming a reality
>it makes things worse and causes more issues
>finally start to work through it
>things going my way (contact old friends and family, stable job, find second job w/ assurance they need help, tell people about issues)
>cue life (schedules make it hard to hang out, job doesn't call me in much, no call back from second job, now that I'm showing improvement everyone ignores my complainants)
I just want someone I can talk to about this, who won't shove away my issues with superficial advice and accept how stupid, insecure, and pathetic I can be without much judgement. I would do the same for them.
We all know how difficult that is to find in reality. It's hard to find someone to trust, respect, and care about. This entire post started because I read a story about the mc being forgotten. I get emotional every time I read stories like this.
I suggested this to someone else further up in the thread; look up effective communication skills and brush up. Learning stuff like 'I feel' statements and assertiveness feels cheesy and dumb at first but it legitimately works.
I thought it was the most pansy, stupid bullshit at first but it helped so much.
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I know that there are kids out there who are being neglected and not properly cared for but neither my friend or I can do anything about it because it's out of state and we also don't know the person's address. It just feels so hopeless when you know that things are probably not going to get better.
Both parents are mildly mentally incapacitated so they're complete morons. I have never seen a greater case for eugenics. And the grandparents live with them but they just don't have a clue either. The kids seem to always be starving so one of the children crawled to the dog food and started eating it the mother just yelled at them to stop. My friend had to go over and pick the child up and feed them. One time the middle child was eating poop from their diaper and she didn't give a shit either.
I would love to report them but I don't know what to do. Please don't be too mad at me farmers.
Google their states child protective services and report your concerns for the children's wellbeing. The number should be on their website, and you should be able to make the report anonymously to prevent any possible backlash. Then it's up to them to investigate and either introduce some assistance or remove the children.
You're acting in the best interests of kids, it's the right thing to do.
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It's been a little over a year since i last visited (couldn't handle the r9k autism fest at that time). Looks like the farm's stagnating just as much as the rest of the net but you still have core users so that's good. Have a nice day.
Their office is literally 2 meters from ours so I don't want to get into conflicts. Not sure how they fucked up, sure is annoying but I'm way too tired and depressed to parade around lol Part of me honestly doesn't care.
I'll pay them a visit tomorrow morning. Wonder how they'll pin this on me. I also have to buy hair shampoo, looks like I'm running out of everything.
Found out that a fucking degenerate I know, that some years ago used to hit on me, is currently hitting on middle schoolers (he's 21 this year) and used to hit on my little sister since she was 13 and he was 18. Also found out that another degenerate from my town did hit on my sister when she was 15 and he was 25, and told her that "age is just a number" and "you're so mature for your age!"
I'm so mad. Like, they are fucking pedos but in my country the age of consent is at 14 so it's not illegal for a 25, 30, 35 etc. guy to flirt with a girl of 14 and above.
I told my sister to let me know if they contact her again, I could dm them, but still… Hell, that's disgusting. People who lay/try to lay their filthy hands on children should fucking die.
Yes, I'm mad.
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I'm the only one on my family that wants to graduate Uni and is actively searching for a job eventhough i have an adult sibling, which is terrifying while thinking about the future and what is expected of me.
We have an income from a working memeber of my family and incomes from the goverment for those who stopped working, but once it stops, i'm pretty sure my sibling expects me to maintain them and their NEET lifestyle because they refuse to get a job or study. I've assured them i will do no such thing, because i don't want to be their babysitter once our parents/relatives die, hoping that that would make them want to get a job and not be a future leech of my income. But they believe that i will not be capable of doing such thing and letting them become homeless, so they continue with their shit lifestyle.
Where i'm from there are no NEETbux, so that's not even an option to get me out of this.
I just wish they didn't rely solely on me for the future, and i am so scared i will have to take care of my family/possible children and also a fucking NEET.
I've talked with my parents about it, and they agree that i shouldn't be a provider for them, but we are just not sure what to do anymore and i cannot stop fearing what will become of us if all our incomes and savings end before i am able to graduate and get a good paying job since i am, at the moment, the only future this family has.
I've considered it quite a bit, however, i don't have enough funds at the moment to do so without having to rely on my parents to pay for everything. It would also imply changing my current school, so it's a bit difficult and i'm kinda reluctant of doing anything drastic because of them and then it biting my ass in the process.
I'm considering saving up and joining an exchange student program to see if it helps the situation by, as you said, putting distance between us. Though i don't really think it'll do much since whenever i mentioned me moving out after/during uni they still think i could help them financially from a distance. It appears i'm just fucked whatever i do because of em unless they decide to stop being a lazy leech or realize that i will let them rot unless they move their ass.
Thank you so much <3
I appreciate it more than you think.
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I just reached one of those points in life where you have no friends because old friendships just dry up to the point they disappear and I feel really depressed and crippled inside, I wish I had someone to talk to just about anything, just someone to keep me company for a few minutes every few days or so but making new friends is so complicated, it's hit or miss with more than a couple of people and I find the whole process mentally exhausting.
There definitely will be financial issues for myself, which is a large part of me having second thoughts about this route. I graduated with a diploma albeit with a shitty GPA since I hated what I studied so much but was too pussy to transfer out halfway through, and it just seems laughable and a waste of time to redo another 3-year diploma or taking A levels for 2 years instead. Only the top tier students in this country will be given seats into a law programme in our local universities, and realistically I have absolutely no chance against them.
Venting here really cleared my mind a little and it seems that taking a private university degree would be a better choice, though it's not exactly a path that I'm interested in. It's just not realistic to pursue a career in law for me.
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I think I lowkey hate my bf. He lied about himself on multiple things that are important to me and then waited until we were already 'locked in' to admit them. I'm extremely tempted to break up with him but I'm too awkward to do so. At the same time I don't want him to break up with me or vice versa as this is my first stable relationship and I love the feeling of someone at least pretending to care about me for the first time ever.
He probably hates me too. He doesn't seem that interested to make any plans to spend some time with me in person- he much prefers texting, which would be alright if we didn't do it for max 1 hour a day because he's busy with um…I don't know. Whenever I bring this up with him he just gives me the standard "I'm sorry" followed by "I love you <3". Most of the time I feel like I've been tossed to the side like a toy waiting for him to want me again. I've been so close to breaking up with him so many times but he just tends to make me feel guilty for it because I don't want to break any hearts. He is a sweet guy despite all of this.
We even have been pretty secured on the idea of marriage for quite some time now. It seems like a comfy idea but I just don't want him to treat me like how I'm treated now, which seems inevitable at this point.
you say that this is your first "stable" relationship but from how you describe it it doesn't really sound stable at all. if you aren't happy with him you should break up with him. you shouldn't be feeling like you "lowkey hate" your significant other, you should feel happy and safe with them.
lying isn't something that just goes away. if he's going to lie to you about things that are important to you what else is he going to lie to you about? it doesn't sound like you're very happy anon and you should go out there and find someone who does make you happy. the awkwardness and sadness that comes with a breakup will quickly go away and you'll find youreslf better off with someone you don't lowkey hate.
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Wow I know I'm late but this is actually similar to my situation in some ways…oh boy where do I even begin?
First off I'm so happy there's a thread like this so I can finally get this out.
We'll I'd just recently broken up with my bf of two years. He was my best friend and there were so many things I loved about him..and also so many things that just made my blood boil, there were even a few times before the big breakup where I would explain to him that because of my mental health issues that I didn't think we were compatible, but when I spent time with him, he was just so tender and looked at me with so much love, not only that but we had amazing conversations..so fast forward to new years eve we're spending time in his kitchen, cooking and I'm slightly bent over the sink, washing dishes. He comes over and grabs my ass, nothing big but then asks if we could fuck, I tell him I'm on one of the last days of my period and so I say no I don't feel like it and he persists, asking me if we can have anal, I say no, he keeps asking and I keep saying no then out of nowhere he holds me in place as I'm still turned around and pulls down my pants, proceeding to thrust in my butt, having full on anal with me, mind you I hadn't had anal in months so it was excruciatingly painful. Immediately I start screaming, telling him to stop and get out of me, I had to eventually start punching his chest like an ape just to get him to back off, he saw me crying, hurt, in distress and he has the bright idea to try and diffuse the situation with jokes and laughing in my face in disbelief that I'm crying, layer that night he continued pestering for sexual favors, even seeming angry with me when I said no.
After that night I felt so confused and hurt, I didn't know what to say or think or feel, and then I searched about my particular situation to see if I could find similar stories, and if I was right to feel how I did and I realized that there were things he was doing that were abusive and I didn't even know it, like coercing me to have sex and making me feel guilty, minimizing my pain and making it seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. .not only that, but he had taken it upon himself to fuck me in my sleep, KNOWING FULL WELL that I actually have trauma from sexual abuse (my mom's ex bf would touch me in my sleep when I was a teenager and really wasted on pills) and woke up to him fucking me I almost had a panic attack, for a couple days, almost a week or so I was really struggling with calling him my rapist? Because I know for a fact his intention wasn't to hurt me..he's just a selfish pig sometimes, and even through all that pain, and getting drunk till I puke and stoned to oblivion just to cope with being raped by the guy who was supposed to be my husband..I still love him and i miss my best friend so much. was I right to leave him? Should I just worry about myself and move on?
hun, you had every right to leave him.
you had every right to leave him even if he didn't rape you. Which he did and I'm sorry for that…
It sounds likes he's raped you multiple times…most likely more than the two times you're aware of. I don't know where you live but I'd try to brings charges against him…I don't really know what that might do for you but it would help bring attention to the monster that he is and maybe help other women. Maybe if you have a sex offenders registry he could be put on that.
It's understandable that you still love him but please, never go back. Just please.
I hope you're doing okay right now.
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My body isn't super terrible but I hate how oddly proportioned it is.
I've rugby shoulders, violin hips, skinny arms and a combination of tiny ankles/shins + thunder thighs so my legs look like literal chicken legs. I'm also a short, small B cup with flat feet (so I can't wear heels higher than 5cm/2in, if that). Before anyone calls me fat, I'm a competitive swimmer.
Everything I wear always sits so awkwardly on my body. There's always some wardrobe malfunction because of my weird proportions, be it VPL, wrinkly crotch, jeans popping, tight shoulders, gaping waistband or just things being too long and not sitting in the right place. If I buy a pair of trousers in a bigger size they're too big, but if I get them in 'my size' they always look like skinny jeans no matter the actual cut.
I haven't any money so I can't just keep buying, tailoring and tossing clothes, I barely own anything as is and I'm about to start an internship where the dress code is business professional. If I'm having such a hard time finding casual clothes I can't even imagine what a pain suit shopping will be like. I don't even know where to buy a suit since people only recommend US retailers on the internet.
I've always worn hand me downs and my mother dressed me until I was 10 after which she completely gave up on me and never taught me how to do the most basic things. I've had to learn how to wash my clothes and dress myself on the internet which led to a lot of trial and error.
It's been an uphill battle since I was 17, I'm now 24 and I still don't know how things are supposed to fit and how to combine outfits. I don't wanna give up but I'm tired of endless shopping for clothes that always end up stretching out or not fitting. I just want to look fucking decent, jfc.
>>176870>I don't know where you live but I'd try to brings charges against him…I don't really know what that might do for you but it would help bring attention to the monster that he is and maybe help other women. Maybe if you have a sex offenders registry he could be put on that.
Don't be ridiculous, if she wants to press charges she could, but I really doubt she needs some random online stranger to stick up for her.
Dude's a complete prick, sure, there's no other way to see it that way, but acting like a whiteknight isn't going to change that.
That being said, to >>176866
it's absolutely normal to still have some feelings. Abuse doesn't make you care less, it makes you care in unhealthy obsessive ways, and you were with him for two years and only broke up what, a week or so ago?
It took me a good 6 months to feel like I was emotionally over a relationship (abusive, but not the same as yours obviously), but it does get better over that time. Don't feel bad if you're still feeling shit a month from now, but absolutely don't go back. It'll just drag it out, and when it doesn't work out (which it won't), you'll just be hurting again).
You made the right choice to leave.
Suits are generally way easier than clothes, it's a lot easier to get a suit tailored to fit your proportions because you know it's a long term purchase, you're not going to need a new suit every year or so, whereas t shirts and jeans and stuff tend to wear out, and you have a lot of them.
Invest in getting someone to professionally adjust it for you if it's a work thing, it makes a huge difference in how you look in it, and it's not that expensive long term, you only need it done once as long as you don't change your body shape significantly.
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, if she wants to press charges, she should, but it's ridiculous to try to pressure her to do it. Pressing charges is just going to drag it out for her and make her feel terrible for likely years, instead of just moving on, getting that the guy has no real respect for boundaries and being okay at the end of a few months or so.
That being said, I did misread your post a bit, it came across like you were saying you personally wanted to press charges, but I think you're instead just trying to convince her to do so.
At this point it's almost definitely too late to press charges unless she has some sort of evidence of him admitting it or a video or something, because there's not going to be any evidence. Even if it was the day after, it would be next to impossible to prove, because a lot of the main things we use for rape convictions where there isn't some sort of admission of wrongdoing on his behalf in text or audio form are really easy to deny, especially if they have a history of that particular form of sex.
Don't just react and try to punish the guy, think about the actual consequences of a case like this, especially one that has a high change of not succeeding.
it was just a gut reaction because he sounds like the type of degenerate to be a serial rapist.
I honestly don't want to pressure her to do anything. I don't want her to go through this garbage if she doesn't want to. I'm aware of what women have to go through just to get some sort of legal justice.
In all honesty I probably shouldn't of told her that but I was absolutely revolted by what I read and I felt bad for her. For some reason in my mind it didn't seem that that much time has passed, but it has almost been two weeks….
I had a chinese guy move into my student accommodation flat about 3 days ago. I didn't know he was chinese, man/woman until last night since he never introduced himself.
I slept at my boyfriend's lastnight and came back to my kitchen 100% trashed yesterday night. He had used every pot and pan, litreally burned to the stove, burnt rice from his big fancy rice cooker stuck and mounded up into the only "usable" pan of mine now, although it's impossible to get all the rice out. His rice cooker was left on overnight and there was a bag over the fire alarm. Super safe. Raw meat and veggies just everywhere, they also stole ALL of my chopsticks. I can tell this guy is loaded due to his £500 rice cooker what is probably unusable after 1 use since it's horribly burned. I knocked on his door and told him to clean his shit up, his english is pretty good so he was very apologetic, called his friend to help him and ran all the broken pots and pans (with holes in them) under cold water and left them on the drying rack. He knocked on my door 20mins later and said "it's not all clean but we did our best" and went out. Me and my bf went to check and nothing had changed it's still a complete mess. So, monday im going to the office and getting him moved out and for him to pay door all of my damaged and stolen goods.
You can tell this is a kind of mess that he's used to making and not just a 1 time thing due the the amount of trash everywhere.
My question is, why the fuck do they not have common sense, at all? you move into an accommodation 3 days ago, don't know the people and trash their stuff without thinking of cleaning up? My boyfriend is english born chinese and his explanation was since they're so rich they have never had anyone to tell them they actually need to clean up after themselves and no one tells them off.
I have zero tolerance for this shit. I can post some pictures if anyone is interested, since i took some as proof for the manager, i have other issues here too and this pushed me over the edge i'm hoping to terminate my contract and move elsewhere if possible.
Possibly, but without knowing the situation exactly with a lot more detail at least, it's hard to say.
There's a fine line between waking your partner up with a sexual act and sexual assault or rape for example, and in that case he could just be thoughtless. There's simply no way to know.
I understand why you'd feel like he should be charged, he's a fucking terrible human being, but I just think that at this point, she's better moving on, because pursuing legal action is just going to make her miserable long term most likely.
It's not the systems fault, don't get me wrong, there's standards to maintain in how we hand out convictions, if you lower those, you make the whole court system less valid, but it is just kind of the reality here.
OP here, this might sound hypocritical coming from me, but i'm glad that you did the right thing of leaving him. I suppose I can sort of understand how you feel towards him to an extent if you feel that our situations are similar.
I really can't be sure that this is exactly how you feel, but I'm guessing that you're unsure about whether or not he's doing these things maliciously on purpose because he's a shit human being, or if he's just deprived because you're unwilling to give in to him sexually and that you're obliged to do so because you're his partner. It was wrong of him to force himself onto you and essentially rape you multiple times. He should have made sure that you're consenting, regardless of whether or not you're his girlfriend. You're not making a big deal out of nothing, you have every right to protect yourself and your body.
I understand that this would be a difficult relationship to move on from, considering how you see him as your best friend and potential husband. I understand that he has been an important person in your life for years, and it may be easy from an outsider's pov to just cut off all ties with him, but not so for yourself. However, by raping you he has definitely crossed the line. He disrespected you, and refused to change even though he knows of your past and after you've tried talking things out with him. You did the right thing by leaving him, anon, please don't ever doubt yourself about that. If he did love and care about you, he wouldn't have dismissed your feelings and hurt you this way. I'm sorry about what you went through, I wish you the best in recovering and moving on.
In my case, I'm still with my boyfriend. We had a long talk, and he was extremely apologetic about his behaviour and suggested for us to not go over each other's places to ensure nothing like that ever happens again. We hung out at his place recently for the first time since our talk, and he's made sure not to touch me inappropriately nor make me uncomfortable in any way, and I really appreciate that. I can only hope that things will go uphill from here.
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This is the best pics i have on my laptop right now, i can share more later when i write the email to the manager. If i could i'd post the video of it all since it showcases the best of it. Keep in mind, that cooker hob was perfect before they moved in since they asked me to clean the kitchen for the new tenant, so me being me. I went all out cleaning since I don't think it's not fair for someone to live in a strangers mess. don't know why i bothered tbh
Hey anon, I was in the same situation as you late last year and want to give you some advice that I hope will help you or at least give you a little push towards getting better.
Seriously stop drinking right now because it's not worth it. I went through the same thing and ended up drinking so much every day that I wound up hallucinating and was in and out of the ER with seizures that were at least partly due to drinking (also partly due to stress).
It might numb the pain now, but it won't in the long run. All of my drinking definitely dulled the horrible emotions I felt at the time, but now that I'm sober, they've started to slowly come back and now I have no choice but to face them. It hurts to think about and is scary to suddenly face mortality head on, but you can do it.
Get rid of the alcohol and get yourself into therapy or AA or whatever recovery option you think is best/is available. I'm sure people have already said the whole "it gets better" spiel to you, but it's true, even if it's annoying to hear. It does get better, the pain lessens, those out of control feelings about death and purpose disappear to. You just have to give it time.
>>176904>>176935>dude's a complete prick>history of that particular form of sex>guy has no real respect for boundaries>could just be thoughtless
Can't you jut type rapist? R-A-P-I-S-T?
I'm not one for tumblr buzzwords but I don't care for the way you're minimizing what was done to her. >there's standards to maintain in how we hand out convictions, if you lower those etc
It IS her decision to decide to press charges but honestly you're coming across as an incel right now. Would you be happier if the rapist asshole gave her her a bushel of hay to smooth over the inconvenience?
>>178304>I'm not one for tumblr buzzwords but I don't care for the way you're minimizing what was done to her.
Please don't quote me out of context, I wasn't talking about the last situation when I said he was just thoughtless, and the history of that form of sex was talking about why a rape conviction would be stupid hard to get.
And she minimised it first, not me. I avoided the term because it's not going to help her in anyway to inflate that in her own mind, keeping it where it is at the moment is healthiest to her recovery.
>It IS her decision to decide to press charges but honestly you're coming across as an incel right now.
Yeah, because by not wanting someone to drag out a terrible breakup into a lengthy legal drama that's going to cause huge emotional trauma to her and stop her being able to recover from what happened to her (don't know the situation well enough to call it rape, though if it's exactly like she put it, last situation sounds like rape) and likely won't even result in him being convicted of anything due to the lack of evidence supporting her, I'm an incel? Because I didn't just react with "yeah he raped you that's so terrible take him to court over it" and instead took the time to think about what the best result in that situation would be for her, I must be some woman hating moron?
Fuck off retard, you can't just accuse everyone who disagrees with you of being some boogieman from another site.
How can you say that? Beyoncé is da woke kween who #slays and anyone who says otherwise is raycis /s*
I hate people who aggressively push their own tastes in music/books/films onto others and get offended when you tell them you hate it
*I don't actually know what the hip new lingo is nor what any of that shit means, sorry
Fuck your context, regardless of if you meant to come across as a woman hater or not, you still did.
There's no shame in taking direction or admitting that you phrased something badly but instead you're shifting the blame from yourself, in just the same gross way that you shifted the blame from him in your previous messages. Gross.>>178449
I'm sorry that you believe being likened to a tribe of typically pro-rape misogynists isn't an insult suited to someone typing like… well, one of those.
I wonder if you'll like it better in San Francisco.
Just about every other person here thinks the sky is falling and we are literally in 1930's Nazi Germany.
we're both 18, im his first gf and ive dated other boys before him but im not surprised he's sometimes immature
so i'm trying rly hard not to be too hard on him when he's like this but its happening so often now its gettin on my nerves tbh
I had a bf who did shit like this all the time when I was 18, in my mid-20's now. One time I jokingly called him bad during a game and he tardraged and kicked me out of (his mom's) house. Obviously we broke up and I'd never date a manchild like that again.
You should definitely have a conversation with him because he needs to grow the fuck up. 18 is old enough to know better than to cold shoulder your gf over a fucking video game.
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I'll greentext because its easier
>be friends with this girl for my entire life
>practically her family is my family and vice versa
>grow up hang out, go to school,college,uni etc
>she gets a job abroad and gets a bf, dont speak with her for a few months off and on
>I'm secretly going through depression and a failed suicide attempt but no one knows
>turns out her bf was abusing her. shit like beating her up, rape or at least forced.
>she breaks it off after months of this, comes back home
>after not really seeing/speaking for months I head over because.
>we chat, she breaks down, chat some more
>months pass, try to hang out but I tend to self isolate/depression and friends coming back full force
>she becomes more drawn in, rarely does anything, slowly becomes a shutin besides her job
>talk to her folks and shes getting worse and worse
Not really sure what to do
A tldr: is bad shit happened to childhood friend and I dont really know what to do
I want to help but the other part of me just wants to fuck off and die.
>I just wanna watch the new season of bojack or rick and morty when its out and play KH3.
like I want to help but I really just want to be alone as well most of the time.
As someone who went through a very similar situation, i think my advice on this is pretty solid: focus on yourself first. Be "selfish" for a while. Go see a therapist, a psychiatrist. Take meds if necessary. Start working out. You know, heal yourself first.
You will probably waste your little energy on helping your friend, especially if she's not really open and talkative. Not to mention it dealing with her depression can bring you down even more. Some people seem immune to that type of interaction, but most aren't. If I had received this advice a few years ago I'd have saved myself from a ton of pain.
After that you can think of what you can do to help her.
Sorry about the typos
Yeah I understand what you're getting at.
I'm stuck in that weird crossroads where by getting it treated and acknowledged makes it seem 'real' that what I've just been doing now which was basically living with it.
its tough because I care for her and want to help her, even anyone in general but this depression or whatever it is, anxiety or whatever.
it makes me just want to do nothing at times, not even die just sort of fade out. And I dont like the idea of placing my problems on others so its tough to deal with this alone.
thanks for the advice I'll take it to heart, I'm trying to find a gym thats 24/7 so I can go late, I'm not good around crowds.
You're welcome! I understand you want to help her now that she's in a complicated situation emotionally, but it will be a lot easier to do that if you take care of yourself first.
About the gym, I'm sure you will find one if you look hard enough. But while you don't, you can start at home. Cardio 3x a week is a good start (you can find good cardio on YouTube, look for Body Project beginner cardio or fitness blender and just do them in your bedroom/living room).
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Is it bad to live with your parents even if you pay 'rent' of about $1000/month? The house is 3500+ square feet and has several empty bedrooms, and 2 of them have their own full bathroom.
I don't think it's bad to live with your parents, especially if you make your own money and pay rent. That's respectable. I mean, the $1k rent for just a room sounds astronomically high to me but I din't know the details. I suppose it depends on how much support your parents provide. If they're paying all your bills (clothes, food, gas, entertainment, school) then perhaps it could be rationalized. It might even be a great deal.
It just sounds high to me because: My parents' monthly mortgage payment on their 2500 square ft home is roughly $1k. They charge my adult sister $350 a month to cover a room, food, and car/medical insurance. She uses what's in the house as she pleases but buys her own clothes and whatnot. If they were hard assess I could see them charging more, but they prefer to not ask too much as she not only doesn't get much privacy but also has to obey their house rules.
Sounds fine to me, you're even paying rent. But I come from a culture where living with your parents isn't something to be ashamed of.>>179119
Anon, I think it's time to see a therapist. That sounds awful.
Oh god this happened to me too, I was earlier going "oh well that's not too bad"-
Until I sludged onto my friends hot friend, who Ive drooled since the first time I saw him, at the gym while sweaty, no makeup and baggy old gym clothes on. I looked like a hot mess and he just gave me a surprised look and walked away.
>>179221>Your life doesn't end when you have kids, you don't have to be enslaved to them forever.
i mean it's different if you make a decent amount and just choose to stay at home. what about cases like >>179142
where parents asking for money is actually detrimental if the adult child wants to move out?
most of the time kids don't stay at home because they want to.
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How do you finally discard the desire for validation from your parents?
when I was in Canada, I was strictly only cat called by Indian men. I hadn't experienced such unabashed behavior since high school. It was really awful, and every time it happened I became really self conscious. I can't say whether or not those men were born there or in India, but they lacked an understanding of human decency.
I was also with my boyfriend, clearly noticeable that we were in a relationship (his arm around me or holding hands) and that didn't say them in the slightest.
I can't say all Indian men are that way, but I think they believe they're some sort of Casanova who can sway any woman.
Ugh that's disgusting anon. People can be so shameless.
>I think they believe they're some sort of Casanova who can sway any woman
I guess it's part of the "western women are easy" thing? Yes, they are more casual about sex, but that doesn't mean standards are so low that girls will bend over for a sleazeball with a goofy accent and 90s style gelled hair who won't leave them the hell alone. I swear they all have that gross gelled back hair.
India has high groping rates, look up 'eve teasing'. Bollywood films always show the hero persistently harassing a girl until they 'win her over'.
Having a problem with sleazy brown guys at work too but it's probably my fault for being polite to them when I live in a racist white area, so treating someone politely probably = flirting>>179053>>179072
Just adding that whilst focusing on you is good, don't ignore your childhood friend completely until you feel 'fixed', if you put it off like that it will just endlessly be 'one more month and I'll be good enough to be there for her'. It'll never happen.
Yes, focus on you and take time for yourself and put being her counselor on hold, but still send her texts and stuff in the meantime about normal things. Simply asking what she's eaten that day or saying if you saw a dog while you were out is better than ignoring a friend in need completely.>>179279
Give up on that, there will be at least one girl in a class or in a society/club or lunch hall that you can try to talk to instead
>>179303>Bollywood films always show the hero persistently harassing a girl until they 'win her over'.
I cant watch any movies any more because I can't unsee this behavior. If the princess is not into him at the start of the movie, killing a few dragons and saving the kingdom wont change anything.
A hero who just finds a different girl would probably some revolutionary film masterpiece now.
>>179315>A hero who just finds a different girl would probably some revolutionary film masterpiece now.
Also, now that I think about it, that just makes her a gold digging bitch if she only likes him after becoming a hero.
This but Turkish for me.
I always try to not sound racist but it's at the point i give up because it's exclusively the turkish guys (in my area at least) who harass me on almost a daily basis.
the city i live in is full of students from other countries so there's people from everywhere.
I live on a main road and there's 1 section of the road that all Turkish food, stores, hairdressers etc are. I HAVE to walk past it to get to uni and the stares i can ignore but the comments infuriate me.
One dude walked past me with his friend staring intensely at my legs (i always wear stockings or black tights if i wear skirts) and when they got just past me they shouted "hey baby you want some sex?" - being me i called them a "filthy cunts" and walked on. This happens all the time. I'm dreading summer when i start to pull out the cute skirts since they seem to love it so much.
They crowd around outside their shops etc, smoking just harassing anything with a pair of tits that walks past. Even when I am with my bf (i'm white and he's Chinese) they've said "oh she needs a big dick and not a chinese one". my bf is shy so i don't expect him to say anything but when i do everybody around you looks at me as if i'm racist..
I don't even see myself attractive enough for people to do this to me either, I just assume is a culture thing and most of them sexulise any white girl, taken or not.
Get it treated now. Dont take no for an answer. Anon, I've seen people lose their minds from paranoia of these things. My mother sleeps in garbage bags like a hobo in a house that has no furniture except a few lawn chairs that she pushes together to make a bed and a single table made of glass.
Your sanity is at risk if you let yourself even entertain the idea of them in your home. Get the biggest baddest treatment you can get before you lose your mind.
And fuck, now that you mentioned it, I need help. How do I deal with my mother? She's literally hallucinating them now, and it we get in massive fights when I try to calm her down. We had the house treated 4 times–six week programs each time. They are fucking gone but I can't convince her and she's starting to drive me crazy too.
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Move if you possibly can. Treat every single item you own either way, and treat every surface in your home if you have to stay there.
Bedbugs are nigh impossible to eliminate and drive people literally insane. pic related since it's bedbugs gone untreated.
If possible, find out what counselling services are available locally. Unless she's a risk of harming herself or others through action or negligence she's gonna have to be the one to make any help happen.
The best you can do is validate that bedbugs can cause genuine trauma, and encourage her to seek help and support.
It's really hard to see a loved one going through psychotic symptoms, and it can feel like you're not helping by not forcing some sort of intervention but providing support is the most you can do until she accepts help or is no longer deemed capable of making decisions in her best interest.
It may be best for you both if you're able to relocate her to a new place with a guarantee of no prior bedbug infestations and give it a precautionary treatment as well. Is she able to accept that there's no bugs for any period of time or is she consistent in that belief?
I told my mom that I got bit and we've been comparing my bites to bedbug ones. No dice so far.. I'm going to see my school nurse to ask if she thinks it's bedbugs, then my doctor.
Right now I'm inspecting my bed, and searching for ways to treat it since I can't really just pack up and leave. Hopefully we can get an exterminator since we're in an apartment (in New York…Bedbug capital) but I'm seriously hoping this isn't the case rn.
If it is I'm going to be so pissed at my boyfriend since I haven't had any problems before he came over and i went to his place, even though he told me he hasn't had any bug problems
No1curr but luckily enough I've found no signs of those little devil's being here, and my bites are two ones in different areas of my arm instead of the same place like most of the ones I've seen online. BUT, I'm still going to the nurse, and probably my doctor.
Also, since I'm a poorfag, I'm going to have to do the cheapo way and buy one of those self inspection things and the bug traps you put at the bottom of beds for now. I get paid Thursday and if I get bit more I guess me and my mom will have to pool cash to get an exterminator.
Fuck this really sucks.
I was kind of worried people would be mad at me for not taking it seriously but I honestly don't think we could afford an exterminator ;-;
I already have the raid bedbug spray in mind and I think I'll leave work early tomorrow to try and find it. It's better than nothing and I'd rather treat it cheaply and as soon as possible than wait.
Definitely get the sticky traps. That will at least help you confirm if you have bed bugs, but keep in mind even if nothing comes up you may still have them, the population might just be really small. A population of less than 100 can be hard to detect, even for professionals.
If you can find them, climb up protectors for the legs of your bed are good. They'll keep the begs from climbing up onto the bed if they're not already in there. Strip the bed completely and check with a flashlight for any holes in the mattress or box spring. Push the bed away from the wall or any furniture that bugs could use to climb up.
Also, look up tenants rights where you live and see what they say about bed bugs. Where I live, the landlord is responsible for the cost of extermination, and I think it's similar in NYC. If that's the case your landlord will be the one to pay for extermination, not you. But in that case you must report the bed bugs as soon as you're fairly certain you have them and if professionals come you need to make sure you follow all their instructions or you could be held liable to pay for the extermination. If you do what they say though you'll be fine.
If you really hate yourself, set your alarm for any time from 2-4 am and inspect the bed at that time. They are most active st night when you are in deep sleep. That's how I caught mine…
Hey it's not your fault you can't just up and move or get in an exterminator. Don't feel bad for that fam. I couldn't afford to do either rn tbh.
You're not being a dickhead about it, no sweat.
Didn't see this as I was writing my big reply, but seriously be careful with so called "cheap" options. The most these things do is scatter the bugs into other areas until they feel it's safe to come back.
One cheap way though is diatomaceous earth. You'll still need an exterminator, but I would put this down if you suspect you have bed bugs but have seen no actual signs or after extermination is over. Put it around all the edges of the room, around the holes of outlets, around pipes, any holes leading into your house, etc. you can also put a layer around the bed. This stuff basically destroys their exoskeleton, but it's not instantaneous and at not a solution to a full blown infestation, but it can be of help if you just have a few stragglers.
Agreed with the other anon on counseling. It helped me so much when going through my own bout with bed bugs. People don't realize the phychological toll that bed bugs can take on you. It makes you feel like a prisoner in your own home because not only are you at the mercy of these things at your most vulnerable (when sleeping) but no one wants to be near you because of the stigma and you don't want to pass it on, so it can be really isolating. Even if she won't go to counseling, try to get her out of the house. She may be afraid to pick up bed bugs again but try to get her or little by little.
Also, if you can put down detection traps and stuff it may help her feel more secure. That way she can check them and physically see that nothing has come back. It's hard when you think he bugs could just be out there lurking with no tangible proof either way.
Thanks for the advice. I looked into it and it seems like we should be covered, so that's one less thing to worry about. As I've said before, I don't see any evidence of them being here at all, so far. But I'm still going to get at least the traps and the things that go on the legs of the bed.
Anons who have had this issue, can you tell me what your bites where like at first? Like I've said before I have three, two on my arm. One is on my wrist and the other is at the back of my fore-arm. Bicep area I'd say. And the one on my nose. From what I've seen online they tend to bite in the same areas, is this true?
just metal ones from a sex store but they were probably too tight
i just remembered that i carried around a twine bag the day after (leftovers from a hipster brunch place) so maybe i'm also reacting to that?
I saw a side of my mother recently that really disturbed me.
My grandparents on my fathers side passed away, and we're left with their house full of their stuff. Immediately, most of the family except for my father's side started having fights over it. That was kind of expected, but what was even weirder about it is that suddenly Mom decided that she needed some stuff. I don't know why, because she wasn't related to them. Soon, she started fighting with the rest of my family for stuff. After having some very venomous arguments with my cousins, she got a bag full of antique silverware. It's now sitting in my attic where I'm sure it will sit for years until she passes away.
When I asked why, she told me that she deserved to have some stuff, too. She's normally a very calm, well-tempered person. Her demeanor completely changed when she caught wind of those trinkets. What happened? I'm scared and a little confused. She fought with every girl in the family except for me over some junk in a velvet bag. I can't even call my cousins now, because they're that mad at my mother. Does anyone know what prompted this complete change in her personality?
That's something that I don't think has ever come up that I know of. >>179437
That's just terrifying. I hope I never become that way.>>179438
I wish they did this.
We happen to be moving next week. We aren't taking anything at all. Nothing. We'll buy new clothing at a dollar store and we bought a gym membership to shower before we walk into a new apartment.
>Is she able to accept that there's no bugs for any period of time or is she consistent in that belief?
Unfortunately, I don't know. She calls me to come running to see the ones she's "found" and when it's nothing she actually tells me
">They disappear whenever you come look."
She says that and doesn't realize how crazy that sounds. To her they are already supernatural monsters with personal malice towards her.
I don't think I can get her into counseling because she was once forced into it for something completely unrelated, and lawyered up to sue the person responsible to death. She probably will never ever go to a psychological doctor again because she doesn't trust them.
I think I'm fucked.>>179401>but no one wants to be near you because of the stigma and you don't want to pass it on, so it can be really isolating. Even if she won't go to counseling, try to get her out of the house. She may be afraid to pick up bed bugs again but try to get her or little by little.
Yeah the stigma was the worst. Our cunt landlord blamed us for bringing them. I know that's not true since I found them on the first day. An exterminator confirmed that this apartment could not be newly infested.
As for going out of the house, I know it's good for her but I don't think either of us will ever be comfortable sitting anywhere in a public place again. All the things that used to be fun, like movies and vacations are ruined. Everything is "they probably have bugs there" now.
I hate our landlord so much. She had to have known. I don't want to write publicly what I wish I could do to her for ruining our lives.
I want to echo the other anon about that spray. It's a lie and does not work. You can't get the chemicals needed to kill these guys so easily as a regular person.
On top of everything else, these horrible creatures have to be nearly invincible too. A regular cheap exterminator won't don't anything to them. I know that first hand because our cunt landlord got the cheapest one she could get and they came back STRONGER. We had to get a dedicated bedbug firm to come and nuke the place with powerful poisons and heat steamers.
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Change your ways, anon. Let Jesus into your heart and know that He is with you.
Truth is: I'd really like to have kid, just not yet. I'm too young (21) and financially not even close to stable. Otherwise if I were pregnant I'd keep it.
I'm not too bothered by the possibility of being pregnant because if I'd need an abortion I can pay for it. What really sucks is that I'd had to tell this to my bf and possibly parents. My parents are close to their 60s and really want grandchildren, it would suck to break their hearts like that. But I guess it's better that way rather than being completely broke without a real future.
I'm supporting my mother, also my brother but he's a less of an expense.
I shouldn't feel this way but I hate my mother for locking me in this madhouse. I had dreams and ambitions but instead she said she was out of money and that I needed to help.
It was supposed to be temporary and I should have had finally gathered enough cash to find my own place and started anew. But litterally all my money goes into utilities, food, gas(I don't even drive a car, its hers) and her fat dog.
I feel like a horrible person, maybe I am. I hate her for guilt tripping me all the time, I hate her useless small fat dog, I think I even hate trump because she supports him. I hate how instead of actually looking for a job she just spends the whole day arguing with people on the internet over useless shit. I hate her for always putting my brother as a priority and I have to bring money and help with house chores.
My brother is great, I love him to bits and he understands the situation but I just want out of this nightmare.
She spends immense amounts of money everytime although we barely eat half of it, she also cooks meals for her stupid dog 3 times per day, she went on some cruise and then she payed for some pricey courses that she never applied. But hey- as long as she has an idiot like me, I guess it doesn't matter.
I had a great job offer and rejected it, but now I won't do it anymore. Fuck her, fuck my mother I hope she rots. Fuck her stupid financial decisions and chaos she brings.
Anon, other anon responded to you in a really empathetic way and rather than thanking them or empathizing with them back, you just launched into dumping more?
I hope you aren't pregnant, you'd be a terrible mother if you're like this irl.
from an outsiders perspective, this is a valid complaint.
if it was on purpose or unintentional, I don't know, but your mother did kind of lock you down in that house, especially since you don't have your own car. Also spending your money like it's her own kind of irked me.
I honestly have never been in a situation like this so I have no first hand experience, but it'd be nice if you could let your mom down someday and do what you want to do, you know? It's your life, you have a right to do that. I just wouldn't want you to wake up one day and feel like you've wasted time trying to fix your mom who sounds like she can't solely be fixed by you.
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Shit went down just one hour ago. Please, tell me I'm an idiot if necessary.
>Madly in love with a really close friend
>She decides she's not a butch lesbian anymore and starts seeing a guy
>Guy is an older asshole who lies to her, treats her like an idiot and eventually dumps her
>I tell her I like her. She reminds me that she's "almost straight" now, so I have no chance
>We're both depressed and she suffers from a chronic illness. I keep talking to her despite feeling burnened because she can only talk about:
>1) depression 2) sadness 3) her chronic illness
>I eventually tell her I feel burdened sometimes but that I like her way too much to let that stop me from being in her life
>Dumps me "for our best" so I won't have to "suffer" because of her
>Beg her not to do that; start feeling worse
>Dumps me anyway
Fast forward 6 months
>Me and my then SO break up
>I'm very private person so I don't tell anyone the details because it was a particularly embarrassing breakup
>During past 6 months: a process to better myself: started working out, don't need antidepressants as before, decided to learn how to control my emotions to avoid freaking out unnecessarily like always
>She starts talking to me, I don't even remember why
>Super happy that she's back
>I tell her about my breakup – but i tell her what I told everyone
>Life goes on. I eventually and casually tell her about my breakup (the whole, complete story)
>She gets mad because I "lied" (read: didn't give her the details the first time)
>I get mad because it's my life and I can choose what I want to share or not and "lie" to protect my life if I want to
>She tells me I'm hiding my emotions, controlling my feelings way too much and says we need to go our separate paths
>Tell her hasta la vista and pretend not to care that much even though I'm heartbroken
Maybe deep down I still love her? Because I feeling super miserable right now. It sucks to be thrown away by someone you just wanna be close friends with again.
The first time she dumped me I managed to create some really beautiful art fueled by what I felt for her, and that got me relatively famous in the scene I'm in (despite my Utena GIF, no, it's not Tumblr related). But now I don't even know how to feel, and feel uninspired. Just sad and bitter.
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Last week, I went on a Tinder coffee date with a cool guy and I thought it went well. He told me to add him on facebook, and later I messages him if he wanted to grab coffee again next week (this week now). He said he was busy and wasn't too sure of his schedule and that he would let me know. It's been one week and seems like he's just ghosting instead. Why do guys do this shit.
Honestly I'm not sad about it.. I would rather have people tell me they're not interested instead so they don't waste my time.
Yeah I have way too many Tinder dates. Oops. Thanks anon!
more guys stuck in their stupid routine and not wanting to 'rock the boat'.
if he's not acting on you now then it's probably because he's not interested or he's too shy to step up. either of those things are relationship poison and you should go on another date with someone else.
Facebook is a waste of time and an excuse to not socialise properly. Sure it's great to keep in touch with people far away but so are letters and phone calls. There's no need whatsoever to use facebook more frequently than a few times a month if you insist on having it.
Internet use costs money as well so…?
besides, the majority of Facebook users aren't using it for contacting people. They're using it to seek attention, show off, and spread fake news and misinformation.
No sensible person has reason to use Facebook daily.
Something similar happened to me, anon. He'd talk about wanting to meet me in real life and live with me and described or hinted at all these sexual scenarios that make me kinda queasy to think about now. He was ridiculously clingy/territorial, too, and tried pretty hard to manipulate me.
Luckily for me, he lived in an entirely different country so I'm sure I'll never meet him or even see him in passing. In hindsight, I just kind of went along with things because I was a lonely kid and had no friends. I didn't "love" him.
Please don't blame yourself for shit. That person was pure garbage, though I'm sure you know that already.
Anon, you were only 13. I did similar things at that age on the internet due to low self esteem and insane insecurity, where I lied about my age and tried to get internet boyfriends who were older than me. I remember bragging to my IRL friend (when I was around 11, or 12) that I have an 18 year old boyfriend online. No one specifically targeted me, but this continued until I was mid-high school. When I was 16 I exchanged nudes with a completely pretentious asshole off tumblr who was 23 because I had no self-respect and was desperate for attention during a different time.
I felt the same way as you did before, just guilty, stupid, and like I was dirty, but you have to realize that it is NOT your fault you were manipulated by a man twice your age when you could barely think for yourself and were a literal child. I feel like a lot of girls go through this if they get too deeply involved with the internet at a young age (just look at the DDLG communities online, it's depressing). I think it has something to do with young girls finding it cool to be with an older guy (vice versa for boys), at least this was the reasoning for me.
Are you able to see a therapist of some sort for this issue?
When I was maybe 14 or 15 i met a guy online. Not really sure how since it's been almost a decade. He said he was 19, I think. Anyway, we became "friends" and sexted a lot but I never sent any nudes because 1- I knew it was wrong and 2- i felt too embarrassed and self conscious.
We talked on and off for maybe a year. I even introduced him to one of my irl friends who was 1 year older than me.
I remember I told him i loved him and he said that's something you don't say to people and that he'd never tell anyone he loved them unless he really meant it. That made me sad and destroyed my crush on him. Phew.
I remember he was super into loli. I was a tween weeb back then so i didn't think that was weird at all, god I was so fucking naive.
I remember he tried to convince me that he liked to "catch predators" online. He explained it to me but i don't remember what he said. Now that I think about it i guess he was trying to make me think he wasn't one lol. Which is absolutely hilarious because that had never crossed my mind back then.
We stopped talking for a while and one day that irl friend I mentioned earlier asked me how old he was. We talked and I found out he had lied to her about his age, things just didn't make sense.
Eventually I connected the dots: he never showed a pic, only old pics from his childhood, he lied about his age and was preying on me. We both blocked and deleted him.
This is the first time i ever typed this too. I'm sure i could add more details but I can't remember any now.
Well, i remember his name and I was pretty sure it was his real name because he had a deviant art account with said name but I'm too scared to google and revisit those memories.
Thank you for your understanding! It means so much.
I can't talk about this with anyone. I don't even have friends anymore, but that's not what's bothering me.
She also blames me for my brothers failures while it's her that promotes his slouchy behaviour.
And those times when she's in posession of cash it's her money, but when it comes to my credit card, it's ours.
Before she at least used to pretend she felt bad about it, now she just takes and takes.
I want to travel too, I want to take a break. I want to do some courses as well. I want to buy new clothes. I can't even buy a book.
In all honesty I don't see myself breaking free. I care about my brother too much. We've been through so much together and I can't leave him behind.
It's not that black and white. My mom has a good side and she did raise me after all. I just find her demands now too selfish. And I can't even get a breathing room anymore, she always checks what I'm doing when I'm home. I'm 27yo, I shouldn't be living at my mothers place and I shouldn't feel like a teenager. I stay up till 3 am in the morning so I can finally have some peace.
Not to mention when she has a bad day, you get home and she's all emotional about something I didn't do.
To me it's pretty clear that you're going to have to be that hard bitch that nobody likes, do you want your own life back badly enough to do that?
Since you can't bring yourself to walk away, you need to lay down the law instead. Change your pin number, do not give your mother your card ever again, try to open a secret savings account only for you. From now on you will either pay your fair share directly into any accounts for bills, or for household costs put money into an envelope on the kitchen table with a budgeting diary to write where that money is being used. Once it's used then it's gone until the next month. Look up family budgeting techniques for ideas. Keep a chore rota on the wall that includes your uncle and even your brother.
She will probably scream at you for being a nazi, or guilt trip you for choosing money over your own family or something, but ignore her selfish bullshit. She might even encourage your brother to hate you if he's young but in the long run, it will be better for him to see a responsible role model. Maybe encourage him to get a paper round or something so he can treat himself.
Lay down an ultimatum e.g. you will reduce your contribution in x time, you will move out in x time. Give your uncle x amount of time to find his feet before he has to start contributing x amount.
Don't bail her out if she spends the budget on stupid stuff, even when she fucks up, let her get hit with fines or let the fridge go empty or she won't ever take you seriously. (You can always take your brother out for food privately).
I'm literally in the same boat as you. Except there are two people in question and I work on the other side of the hall and never see them unless I make an excuse to go to their department or the kitchen.
Ask him if he wants to hang out before/after work for tea/coffee? Maybe if you get to know him better he'll want to hang out more too
Doesn't it suck? Actually we did connect on LinkedIn (the only reason he knows who I am) and have chatted a bit, we do have stuff in common. Everything has been cordial but again, he is crazy busy and barely responds to email/phone when it comes to work matters.
Let me know how it goes for you anon. This is a huge issue lol.
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I have this exact same issue. Everyone who works here is a middle-aged mom. All they talk about is their kids' hockey tournaments. And then they accuse me of being quiet, but I never know what to talk about with them :/
Thank you farmer, I'll do my best.
Being a bitch doesn't seem so bad anymore.
It's not going to be easy and I do care about my mother. I do owe her in that regard but it's more difficult than I thought pulling the line between being a good member of the family and the money piñata.
honestly, unless you just really love the taste of alcohol: partying is for suckers.
I've started dancing as a hobby, as lame as that sounds. You meet hot guys and they get to throw you around like a ragdoll. It may just be my kinks, but there is no downside to it.
Ok???? This is exactly what I didn't want to hear. I like partying, wish I could do more of it, and I can't figure out how to do so. I don't care if you like partying or not. I don't care if you like it or not.
It's not like I even want to go out every night. Once every other week would be fine with me.
Befriend people who don't spend their lives in basements playing games?
Go to a club, talk to someone in class who isn't a total weeb or social cripple.
Talk to the people at work who talk about their huge weekend.
I went to the club a few weeks ago. I'm not really sure how you're supposed to make friends there, unless you want to go out with a guy you meet at the club. Which I don't.
I'm not in school right now, and I'm a nanny. So I don't really think that will help me party.
The other place I work is at the Magic store. My boss there actually seems to drink a lot but I don't think he is interested in inviting me. lol
Seriously, drunk girls in the bathroom are usually friendly as shit. Even better if they're on biccies.
Start a conversation with someone, talk to customers. Ask them how their weekend was and when someone pipes up about a great club or party show some interest. Ask about the local nightlife in towns you visit, whatever. You have to make the effort though, nobody's gonna just drag you along to the party scene.
I might be completely wrong but maybe use social apps? Like tinder and shit. I know it's not what they're for but if you're young you're bound to end up on somebody who knows there's a party somewhere and you can go with them, and lose them there if you don't feel them too much.
Maybe specify it in your profile. Could use Yik Yak too I guess.
Idk if you actually meant that I repory back or not but here it is lol
Since the entire floor shares a kitchen I waited for them there and just asked them if they want to hang out at x place in the office. They looked at me a bit funny but went along with it. We kind if decided to keep meeting like that from time to time because why not.
It feels weird but I guess I partially achieved what I wanted? I still don't see them often during the day but it's a start
Anon just wants to party.>>179740
Are you around college aged/ have anyone you're cool with that's college aged? If so, just get closer with them so you can go to the college parties. Also, if you drive or have a radio sometimes stations announce when they're throwing a party at a club.
I'd also say hang around with the functional druggie crew, they know how to have a good time and usually know where parties are happening
Hello, it's me again.
I found out what the kid was doing on my property.
He hung part of a deer skeleton at the corner of my fenceline with zip-ties. Hung outside of the fence.
Is it time to leave town yet?
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I've always lived in a small house with my mom, but in February my uncle started to live with us because he divorced his wife (my aunt). They always had problems and I don't ask for details because it's a sensitive topic, but he has a restraining order, and my aunt had to sue him for domestic violence, so he had come to live here as last resort so he wouldn't have any problems with justice.
Everything was fine, the first months I was wary because of that, and I'm not used to live with other person. Also when my cousins came over it was a mess because it's a small house and I'm not used to many people being here either, so it was pretty stressful. But somehow we could make it okay.
But in December his car stopped working, he was fired off his work and didn't even bothered to find another, and was feeling ill. He's diabetic as long I can remember and doesn't like to hospitals or medicine in general. He eats whatever he wants and doesn't follow a diet. A insulin should last one week, but he makes it long two or three weeks, applying less than he should so he doesn't has to go to for more. When he doesn't has anymore, he goes to a pharmacy and fights everyone because they tell him that he needs to go to an hospital first for the recipe.
All he does is watch TV and he doesn't even helps with chores. I told my mother that if he was going to be a parasite he shouldn't live here, but she just said "anon please don't say that, he's my brother".
The pain was so strong that my mother, his daughter and my grandmother (who lives overseas) convinced him to go to an hospital last week. It turns out he has two tumors and kidney stones, and that's all. He doesn't want to know anything else. Today my mother and his daughter went without his knowledge to make appointments for a tomography, when he realized he went batshit insane. He started to scream a lot, insulted them, and said that if the tumor is cancer he'll kill himself and my aunt. It was so scary. He has a gun, my mother told me she's going to hide it, but still. The police won't do anything, and the economy is crippled here so we can't even buy or even rent another place to live.
The appointment is the next Monday. My grandmother doesn't knows anything yet, he doesn't wants to tell anyone and forbids us to do it. To be honest, I never cared about him, I just want the peaceful life I had before. I'm worried for my mom, my cousins, my aunt and my grandma. I used to think it was kinda selfish, because I'm just thinking about myself and my mom but since I was a kid it has always been this way. Now I realized that he doesn't even deserve sympathy or all the support my mom gives to him. I just want him to go away or just die. But I'm so scared of the tomography results because I don't know how is he going to react. It's not my problem, but I'm worried, I don't know how this is going to end.
Also police came by, said "Nothing we can do :^)" and promptly left.
I'm going to get two guys I know from the gym to come over with me to his parents house and I'm going to show them the pictures I have. At the very least, I want the parents spooked that I might sue. Any other ideas?
I've recently started hanging around a couple people that go to a pretty decent tech research university in my city. It's making me feel bad about myself in different ways than usual, because they're so intelligent and will go on to do great things, while I've done nothing with my life, had been a neet for a long time/also at present, and don't make use of my brain at all. I'm not stupid by any means, but I literally don't do anything. When I occasionally make attempts to, like free online courses, I get bored very quickly, even if I understand everything.
I wish I could get my life together, so then I can get some structure going on and stop hating myself for stupid reasons, especially ones I can change.
Why would you tell someone that's complaining about wanting to do more of something that their interest is not worth it? I specifically asked people not to tell me that partying isn't worth it. I'm actually going out later to meet a friend so whatevs.
I'm not looking for more hobbies right now. I just want to party. >>179742
I work at a Magic store, lol. But I do think asking more people about their weekends is a good idea since I work on Mondays.
Although the good thing is that I only have to make one good friend, and I think things would be easier from there.
I actually did meet someone at the store who invited me to a couple of parties, but I hated him and I had to drive back home lol. But now that I live by myself I guess I can sleep over at someone else house.
I really liked it when I visited a friend at his college. We went out once on Saturday, and then hit the bars for the next three nights. I just want to do things like that more often.
Same anon. I go to work, sleep, and talk to my boyfriend and that's about it. I love my boyfriend and all, but it's frustrating when he's the only person I communicate with on a daily basis besides family. I have a few friends from highschool, but ever since they enrolled in uni, I've felt an extreme distance from them. Never really had much of a social life but the lack of one has really been eating at me for a while now.
Have any farmers actually unveiled themselves and formed friendships with one another? Personally I'm too paranoid about revealing my identity to someone on here. I'm very reserved about my opinions on other social media platforms because I absolutely fear confrontation/rejection so tbh I've been a real messy bitch during my time here.
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I was walking with a girl from my class and she was telling me about how her father died last May from a long illness.
Before we went our separate ways I hugged her and told her how she didn't deserve that and she seemed like a nice person.
lmao, now I feel awkward because of the social retard that I am if I did the wrong thing for a girl I barely knew.
God luck anon! It's going to be hard and sometimes it isn't going to work out, but come back here when you need us and we'll try to support you.>>179826>>179836
We /x/ now
But seriously, if you know his parents aren't going to do anything, then you need to bring your stuff to the police again. Re-frame it as harassment/stalking, say you feel personally threatened, demand to see another officer or maybe even a female officer, make them take prints if it looks like your camera has ever been actually handled. I don't really know what varies between each State but the police need to at least log it and be more reassuring.>>179907
Bless you sweet anon, just pretend it was a normal thing to do. Confidence is always the key.