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No. 10238

I see it brought up a lot in the Venus, PT, kota and kaka threads. Parents who do a shit job raising their kids and basically turn them into eternally dependant children, or fucks them up to the point society thinks they're crazy.

I can relate to their situation and wondered how many others have to deal with these kinds of parents? When did you realize how bad your situation was? Have you taken steps to relearn how to be a functioning person? I'll post my own story below.

No. 10239

Hope I'm not the only person who ends up posting here. Ok so mine was my crazy man-child dad (and enabling mom who let him get away with this shit).

He acted more like an abusive older brother than a father. He would throw a fit if you had any emotion that didn't coincide with his (we weren't allowed to be happy if he was in a bad mood).

No tears! It pissed him off if you cried.

He did his best to try and isolate us and make us dependant on him for everything while reminding us of what a burden we were.

He hated our friends and didn't want them visiting unless they were female, but they never wanted to come back a 2nd time because he'd creep them out.

Everything from severe verbal abuse to physically hitting my autistic brother for "not trying hard enough".

Spent and gave away the household money while we sat at home eating a plate of cheap noodles for the hundred day in a row, and wore the same clothes daily.

He expected us to be perfect at everything on the first try but if you showed him up he'd have a fit (either way we'd hear about what a waste of space we are).

He didn't want to have the sex talk so he made us watch porn and gave me a vibrator because "men and terrible and can't be trusted". Tried to buy my autistic brother a prostitute because he was still a virgin at 18.

The best day of my life was when he finally died ftom lung cancer. I honestly don't know how I turned out this high functioning. A huge thanks to patient friends who helped me relearn how to act like a person. My autistic older brother is doing a lot better now and even has a part time job. Unfortunately our younger brother is a lost cause; he is exactly like Pixy (mainly why I'm slightly obsessed with her).

No. 10244

My mother and father abuses me daily for no fucking reason
my older sister never cared for me
my aunts make fun of me
my family is shit

No. 10279

My dad was an alcoholic, drug addict and a crack dealer for a loooong time when I was a kid. He's still an alcoholic but at least he's not slinging crack.

…Thinking about it, I come from some seriously fucked up stock on both sides of my family lolol. Criminals and crazies.

No. 10308

ALLLLL of ya'll need to get a job, pack your shit, and never see them again. That's how you solve this.

No. 10321

Life isn't that easy or simple.

Sometimes you move on but still keep in touch because you realise they're the only family you have, and the mistakes they madebwere made because they themselves were abused as kids.

No. 10322

I had a horrible childhood, but I left home when I was 18 and life has been amazing since then.

I lived in one tiny room with my mother, slept on the floor with bedbugs and cockroaches. Was always tired and sleepy at school because my mum would watch the TV all night, the neighbours were a loud nighttime business and I would get beaten for moving at night.

I was bullied horribly at school for being poor and shy, then I would come home to my one room which I shared with my mum and wait until she came back from work which was usually quite late at night. Also she would beat me and lock me in the bathroom for hours (she put a lock on the outside).

Its really shocking to people what I went through, since I'm so nice and normal. Only my partner knows the full extent of it, a few other close friends know vaguely I was 'very poor' so as to explain why I have no childhood stories to share and few experiences in common.

On the bright side I'm now the happiest person alive. I can move in bed all I want, have lots of friends, a job, my own money and an awesome partner…life is great. Maybe if I weren't abused I wouldn't appreciate it as much.

No. 10329

I know a woman at work who doesn't speak to anyone from her family because of a similar situation. You're not alone!

Just don't try to get married thinking it'll get you away from your family issues. It rarely works.

No. 10330

That's great! Your life now, not before. I'm trying to get there but I still have some work (on myself) to do.

No. 10332

Nah. I had an abusive alcoholic step dad. not physical, but he turned my mental state into pudding. he was supposedly abused as a child, but idgaf. that has nothing to do with me, and i shouldn't have paid for it. no excuses, no pity. you need to realize you deserved better and you are better off without them. families can be replaced, made, and joined into. love yourself and don't make excuses for your abuser's actions, and don't ever think that you need them again. as long as you can get yourself on your own two feet (especially financially) you don't need anybody.

No. 110848

Obsessing about what happened on the past is worse than useless. By all means pin blame where it belongs, but then move on.

Of course if they are still being shitty cut contact, toxic people will bring you down if you let them to.

Also, be careful when they die. You can inherit their debts with the rest, check your country's laws.

No. 110859

My relationship with my parents is good now and I've forgiven them for what happened. And its not nearly as bad as the childhood of some people in this tread, while its obviously not a contest.

My mom was physically abused by her alcoholic dad. So she is scarred. This translates into shitty parenting. She means well, but is overbearing and overprotective. So I was showered with affection on the fields where I actually should've been left to develop myself. I was pampered to the point of it damaging me. So I never learned to do things on my own. I now have to deal with social anxiety and I simply can't do some basic things. I cut my own hair, because I'm afraid tot go to the hairdressers. My neighbor plays loud music, but its not possible for me to knock on the door. I can't even call people on the telephone. I really try to get over it, but its a fight every step of the way.

While economically I had everything I could want, I was neglected emotionally. My mom wanted to keep me small. Like her little boy. Her relationship with my dad was abusive. I feel like she almost made me into her husband.., So she always tried to conspire with me against my dad. Telling me to always lie against him. The result is that I'm still small and I can't function normally.

My dad was a violent alcoholic. While he rarely targeted me, he did beat me mom. It made me feel powerless and frustrated. Sometimes wishing he would just target me instead, which did happen. He had a stressful job and drank to cope, but it only made him nasty and violent. He is extremely self centered and lacks basic empathy. Underneath all that he meant well. It just never came out right. He set the mood for the entire family. Everything always revolved around him. If he had a bad day, everyone had a bad day. My mom panicked and went depressed when that happens. So it always revolved around him with zero space for me. The thing which hurt most is when other children saw my toys and they said they wanted to live with my parents and wish had my life. It really hurt, because underneath all of that I was abused and miserable and wanted to die. but I would never tell the truth.It hurt a lot. To the point where I became embarrassed of my wealth. Trying to always underdress. Never buy anything for myself and now being violently anti-materialistic. I only really need a PC and internet connection to function. I can sleep on the floor.

To cope I just retreated, both emotionally and mentally. I lived inside my mind and fantasies. I played computer games to escape reality and existed within them. This didn't do any good to already being unsociable and being bullied and beat up at school. I never had to much friends. Slowly I lost more and more friends. By the time in high school I had no one. I was that kid that sat alone. I never had any friends over or went to parties. I tried to walk trough the high school, making it seem like I was busy. While in truth I just didnt have anywhere to go. I hated recess, I FUCKING HATED IT.

I'm still extremely reclusive and distrustful of everyone. I hate other people with an almost religious zeal. As a result I can't maintain a healthy relationship with friends or women. I just prefer to be alone. My ego is damaged and I don't have any selfesteem.

Since I moved out I've recovered a lot, but I still cant be social and have issue's with "normal" activities.

This is still effecting me greatly because I'm still reclusive at my job. People take offense in it, so they demonize me and talk behind my back. They hate me. I just can't be sociable or have a normal conversation. I'd rather slit my wrists and suck out the blood till I die. I still hate "break time", because like in high school I have no friends and nobody to sit with. So I just work trough the breaks and hope they would take it as sign of dedication. They don't take it that way though.

I'm really only barely functioning. I still fear everyday that I will get fired over not being able to connect with any co-workers or colleagues. I know its coming. It really hurts me that I work long and hard, but I'm still hated and prolly on the verge of getting fired. A part of me wishes they would fire me so I can just go on and kill myself. (I have medical issue's as well).

My relationship with my parents recovered when I moved out. It already went better after I challenged and fought my dad a few times. He also got older and more calm. So I forgave them and burrier the past, but I'm still scarred for life and I know I will never be normal.

I made some vague internet friends and even got a girlfriend of the internet, but it never lasts. I always flip out emotionally and shut everyone out and just remove them or never talk to them again. I can't keep in contact with anyone this way.

I can't even imagen how it much feel like to be severely abused. It's something you can't just leave behind you, but I guess you can take careful steps of progress like I have.

No. 110862

Sorry for the dumb question but… How do you do that? Nobody has ever taught me anything about my rights, the country's laws, personal finance, how banking, taxes etc work. I'm going to a business school now so I know a bit more about the economy and the financial system but I still have a lot of grey areas, like various laws for example.

No. 110878

>I tried to walk trough the high school, making it seem like I was busy. While in truth I just didnt have anywhere to go.

This hits home too hard, anon. I thought I was the only one.

No. 110885

I toi am an anxious mess because of bad parenting. I canot even blame my parents. They thought they were doing the best for me. My mom always made sure I had everything I need in terms of things but she was unable to provide emotionnally. Now, I can't invest myself in anything for fear of failing and showing the world I'm à big waste of space.

No. 110887

This post is a year old whoa.
Anon, if you're still lurking then I hope you're doing great and I'm sorry your father was shit.

No. 111024

>How do you do that? Nobody has ever taught me anything about my rights, the country's laws, personal finance, how banking, taxes etc work. I'm going to a business school now so I know a bit more about the economy and the financial system but I still have a lot of grey areas, like various laws for example.
i know you're a useless person but you are using the internet…you can literally just google your country's various laws on these things.

just like how your shit parents never gave you a good life, no one is going to spoon feed you knowledge or information either

No. 111026

Sounds like your parents really fucked you up if you're still barely functional to this day. What they did to you was horrible. If it was me I don't think I'd ever forgive them but I'm glad you managed to.

Ever been to raisedbynarcissists? Cause it sounds like they're both big narcs to me. Especially your dad. Check it out, it really helps me with my own situation, I had a similar childhood to yours and understand exactly what you feel, it fucking sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal like this.

Blame your parents if you have to, because it was all their fault. You never get to come back from the kind of abuse they did to you, it will always haunt you like a deep, deep abyss and ultimately swallow you whole. I hope we both can get help for it anon. Like another anon said, assign blame where it belongs. Then you can move on.

No. 111027

Not that person but this isn't about "lol just google it" it's about never being taught basic life skills. Sure googling can help but it can't be your dad. I'm sure anon googled it already but that's not what this is about.

No. 111028

>Ever been to raisedbynarcissists?
pls no
that sub is a hellhole, you might as well have recommended /r9k/ or tumblr

No. 111030

>lol jus google it
Google what exactly? Half of the country doesn't know how to use the internet and there are little to no sources available online. Even if there were, what would you have me google, o Wise One? "what are my rights as a citizen of x"? "X constitution"? "how to make money in X without being fucked over by corrupt govt officials"? Genuinely curious how you think this thing works because news flash, there usually isn't a single blog post or article translating a massive legal document's lawspeak or explaining the exact mechanics behind it, which institution takes care of what and how they operate, and the info there is is usually inaccurate, incomplete and outdated. If you think understanding a metric fuckton of dry data and how it applies to everyday life google 'derivatives', read a few articles and tell me how you think they work and I'll tell you how wrong you are.
If we can just google everything and get all the information we need why in heavens do textbooks and archives still exist? Why even bother getting an education?

No. 111031

Its not as much the single incidents that fucked me up. Its an atmosphere of abuse and violence that causes you to grow up under permanent psychological stress and feelings of extreme anxiety. It messes with your emotional and social develphment. My parents version of love only existed to satisfy in their own needs. Still I appreciate the things they did for me.

Still I got fucked up. As a result I have no self-esteem, anger-issues, socially awkward, self-harming and generally completely unhappy with no path out of this mess. Not that I would even want to. I like being little old edgy me.

I had a hard time at school too. So I was commuting between two different private hells without any space to relax and unwind. So I just retreated within myself, where I still am.

I don't blame my parents. Like: >>110885 said, they were really trying the best they could. But like me they are flawed. They still tried working really hard for me. It was just not enough. I wish outsides would've seen trough the whole masquerade and helped me. But nobody did. Not even close. I got branded for it and outcastes because it made people feel uncontrollable. They just wanted to avoid the obvious.

The only thing I do blame my parents for is them for is not admitting the environment they created for a child was going to damage me. Not in the past and even not now (Maybe a little). Neither of them took the responsibility a parent should have. My dad literally is narcissistic and is only focused on himself. He tries though. My mom was too busy playing the victim and dragged me along as an attribute in her personal drama.

To this day my mom still blames my behavior and issues purely on me. I remember her ranting and scolding on to me about my issues and how I should take responsibility in my life every single day. It was just so painful to bear trough. Like its being rubbed in your face again and again.

You suggest blaming them, but what good will this bring me? It doesn't undo any of the damage that has been done. It just leaves me stuck in the past. I forgave them because I want to leave it behind and I have left it behind. The issues and the wiring of my brains is not so easy to change. I've worked hard and I've came far. But I feel like if hit the sealing. Hating them will not change anything. I have no shortage of hate. I already just want to kill and destroy everything and anything. I hate them all, equally.

Sadly we are not alone in this and from what I can tell more people have a fucked up childhood than a normal one. People are just shit and they shouldnt be allowed to have children like that.

As for getting help? I've been trough my share of psychiatrists during my teens. I always us my silver tongue to talk my way out of it. I just put on my mask of sanity and said what they wanted to hear. Not a single one actually pierced trough. Maybe once or twice it did happen, but it never lead to any results. I'm highly skeptical that talking about my issue's with some faggot will help me overcome them. It's me that's going to have to do the work anyway and I know what my issues are. But I believe my issues are rooted firmly in my brain and are not so easy to overcome. Faulty wiring. Its simply gonna have to do. But I wouldnt trade my vessel for any other.

I thought I was the only kid to hate recess. I still fucking hate breaks. I once remember a girl asking me: "…Anon, why do you always walk alone trough the building". To which I answered: "Because I have no friends…" and walked away.

This sounds so familiar. It's like you have everything but the actual things a child needs and that matter, Like: love, attention and understanding.

I also understand the part about failing. I can't deal with it myself so I push myself to extremes limits to prevent it at all costs. I've committed morally questionable actions just to avoid it. I think its just low-selfesteem. My ego simple can't take even the slightest hit or I break down.

But you are certainly not a waste of space. Nobody is a waste of space and there is no need to be special to deserve existence or daylight. If those fuckers out there live their lives, than so do you.Holding yourself to such absurd standards only sets yourself up for failure.

I personally tr to focus on the things that make me happy, without thinking about the pressure and the things around it. I take it day by day and focus on the small things that do make me happy. Like cooking or having a drink. Now that I've also run into medical problems its easier said than done I guess..

No. 111036

Holy shit, anon… all of this hits home for me. All of it.

No. 111043

>As for getting help? I've been trough my share of psychiatrists during my teens. I always us my silver tongue to talk my way out of it. I just put on my mask of sanity and said what they wanted to hear. Not a single one actually pierced trough. Maybe once or twice it did happen, but it never lead to any results. I'm highly skeptical that talking about my issue's with some faggot will help me overcome them.

Haven't you tried, you know, actually telling them the whole truth? I mean, it wouldn't make your situation worse, they can't force you to take meds if you don't want to.

No. 111044

My dad was always a massive bully to my older half siblings who weren't his, as well as to myself and my younger sister who are. None of us associates with him anymore. It's not worth trying when someone is so stuck in their ways.

All of us have turned out pretty well. my older siblings are married with children and have moved, one to the other side of the world to teach, the other soon will be living in one of the most beautiful cities in our country. my younger sister is brilliant, classy and motivated, and I'm very proud of her success. I've been the one who took it the hardest when I was younger, but now that I've reached adulthood and found comfort in my identity and the direction my life is headed, I no longer fret about what he thinks or what happened in the past.

it's really nice to be finally free of all the bullshit.

No. 111081

i'm sorry you suck at google and apparently lack basic skills in critical thinking and research to find worthwhile sources and learn about the things you are interested in. but googling is a decent enough start. 'property law in x country' won't net you any particular answers right away, and if you weren't such a baby person who needs the biggest, deepest spoon to feed you with, you would then buckle down and do some actual work in locating the answers you're looking for.

what, do you think you have to go to school and take classes to know anything? why are you even so unsure as to how to approach information if you know that textbooks and archives exist? you start small with basic, general information and sources and use it to compound your search to the big shit. if the language used is too dense, you supplement with something else. if you weren't so useless you would be out doing this so you can feel more secure in that you know your rights in your country, but you're shitting around on a site like lolcow.

like this isn't even an issue of your shitty upbringing. just your lazy baby personality. hardly anyone's parents these days talk about banking, taxes, or law to their children. even happy people with great parents and happy childhoods hardly know this shit nor try to know it most of the time.

No. 111082

I'm still waiting for that answer, honey. If it's as easy as you say, surely you'll have no trouble.
>calling me a lazy baby while throwing a tantrum on an online forum

No. 111087


Diff anon but maybe ask specific questions here about the things you need to know. The people who would like to help you can't fill you in on anything because nobody knows what exactly you're looking for. What country are you in? What would you like to know? People might be able to direct you to a good source with a little more info.

Also, wikipedia can be useful when it comes to learning laws. The stuff on it is usually cited and you can use the footnotes to find the source of the info. It might be helpful for you since wikipedia usually explains things in layman's terms but then you could verfiy the info with the cited sources.

No. 111095

I doubt telling the truth will happen other than:

"Nah other people don't really hate you".

It doesn't help me to talk about my issues that are real. I also will never take pills.

I'll just get tagged or stamped with some disorder which will scar me for the rest of my life.

No. 111097

I am crazy because of my childhood. I have multiple symptoms. Biggest fear are people. But i'm in therapy,it really helps.

No. 111104

Looking at the thousand word essay you wrote up there, I'd say you've already got damage. A diagnosis isn't going to add much more.

Take your pills and seek therapy rather than pathetically wallowing in pity on an imageboard.

No. 111105

Why? I enjoy the sweet melancholy of suffering.

Also asking for help is a weakness and I will not submit.

No. 111107

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No. 111109

You can seek therapists who specialize in trauma (such as EMDR) who are not there to brand you with a disorder and will not expect, or demand that you to take medication. Pills/diagnoses come from psychiatrists, not counselors, although some do specialize in both.

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